#the title may be misleading it def doesn’t set the right mood

[thedeathdeelers]

everything all at once

it’s strange.

he’s not cold, he’s not hot.

he’s somewhere in the middle, but at the same time, nowhere to be found.

he stares up at the sky, squinting slightly as he takes in the brilliant sun shining brightly against a clear blue backdrop — and doesn’t feel a thing. his eyes don’t burn, his skin won’t redden.

truth be told, he hasn’t felt the sun’s warm rays against his skin since 1995.

luke lets out a long sigh as he swings his legs, perches as he was on the low wall bordering the garage doors, and ducks his head down. he fidgets with his rings, his bracelets, and then switches to picking at his fingers.

it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t sting; nothing’s warm and nothing’s soft — no matter what he does, he doesn’t feel a thing.

he lets out another sigh, this time out of frustration, kicking hard against the wall beneath him.

he used to feel so much — every second of every day was always full of so much. and though luke is grateful that music is still his one and only source of emotion, of sense, sometimes…it’s just not enough.

he feels like a shadow, a spectre of a being. wherever he goes, his presence goes unnoticed; not even the sun, the moon the stars — the universe — acknowledge his existence anymore.

he wants to feel the breeze brush up against his skin, closely followed by goosebumps popping up all up and down his arms, and a shiver coursing through his body.

he wants to feel the scrape of his fingers against his guitar strings; see the scarring and healing of calluses peppering his palms and fingertips.

he wants to feel the crinkling paper under his hands, feel the pen slip between his sweaty fingers after gripping it for hours of end.

he wants to feel the cramping in his hand, wants to feel his body’s dedication to music above all else.

and yet…and yet.

all he has is sound and music.

luke shakes his head at the heavy train of thought, stretching his arms out and leaning forward as he grips the stonewall on either side of his knees, then lifts his gaze up to look at anything that might derail his mind and-

he smiles.

julie.

all thoughts retreat as he watches her walk down the steps of her porch and skips her way over to him.

she doesn’t look up immediately, but when she does, her brilliant eyes light up and it transforms her entire face.

and then she smiles.

she smiles his way and suddenly he can feel the sun on him like a spotlight.

it’s warm and blinding, and yet he can’t look away.

all at once, within the span of a second, he can feel the breeze picking up all around him; feel goosebumps pop up all over his body. he can feel his palms getting sweaty, can feel his body fighting back a shiver.

his fingertips are suddenly coarse, his accessories cold and heavy and smooth and warm. his shirt is soft against his skin, and his jeans are too warm in the summer sun.

he doesn’t know what to focus on, what to feel; it’s an overload, but he loves it.

julie continues to skip closer and closer the more luke loses himself to all his newly reawakened senses, the feelings only getting stronger the closer she got.

he thinks he might be losing it actually, drowning in his own body.

he thinks he might be in love with her, too.

so fucking in love.

yet that didn’t scare him, it only made him feel…real.

and as she skips to a halt and then jumps up to join him on the low wall, fingers brushing against his leg, luke can truly feel the sun, the moon, the stars — the universe’s — full effect on him, as if they had all been lying in wait, contained within julie molina’s smile.