#the time passed-ness of it all 🥲 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pixie05love · 12 days ago

Note

OMG, okay, first of all, I'm so happy to know that my silly interpretation made you feel better AAAAAA I'M SO HAPPY!!🥲🩷🩷

I'm actually a big fan of your works, I've read almost all of them. I still have to read the Kaiser/Isagi/Ness fics and the Kaiser/Don Lorenzo ones, too, but I'm also kind of busy with college, so I don't have that much time to read them :') But I'll definitely give them my time once I'm done with college!

My favourite fics of yours so far are (in no particular order):

"Nonsense"

"London bridge is falling down"

"Big little dramas"

"Coffee cup lids and other nuisances"

"Concessions"

"Personality"

"Year one"

And obviously, "Flower Crown"

I actually thought I annoyed you with such a long ask because i read, right after sending it, from one of your posts that you were busy at the moment and I was like, "Oh... lol" AHSFAJSV

but I'm glad to see that not only I understood what you wanted to convey (I'm so proud wth😭), but it also made things a little brighter for you<33

I believe writers put a lot of effort and care in their work, so the least I could do as a reader is return the same effort by understanding their writing and the thought process behind it.

Despite "Flower Crown" being one of your first Kainess fics, there was something in it that made me want to write down all that interpretation. Idk what exactly was, but the way you created such clear images while I was reading it forced me to have it all written down to never forget the feelings it "invoked" in me.

I think it's in that moment when you realise that not only it wasn't a coincidence but what you wanted to portray was being crafted from the very beginning to the end of your work with such care that I couldn't let that pass.

That's why after reading it, I had such a clear understanding of what you were trying to do with Kaiser and Ness, and well, I had to write it down, lol

About the highlighting in different colours, I did it like that because each colour related to one specific theme you worked on your fic. That way, it was easier for me to dissect the dialogues and link them to their specific topic of interest

I think it was something like this at the moment i wrote it:

I highlighted in yellow everything that had to do with the impossibility of their love to be real

In pink about Kaiser's feelings towards the love he had for Ness and how, despite not being fated or natural, it felt right for him

And in blue about Ness' feelings towards Kaiser and how conflicted he was about them because he couldn't accept them

With that colour scheme, it made it easier for me to write that whole "analysis" and understand what themes you were working with for each character and also... because I'm kind of slow, so with colours, I don't get lost xd

(+ I've just realised that colours are also a very recurring aspect of the fic that helped a lot to get that clear image I was talking about before, so everything was connected, even the way I unintended chose to analyse ur work ahshajs)

I've read the draft, and wow, this one is a way different depiction of Kainess.

The angst is chef kiss*

I think Ness having hanahaki disease represents not only Kiaser not reciprocating his feelings but also how far away Ness is from him. Kaiser is an emperor, Ness is his lackey. Ness is only there to make Kaiser even more visible to the rest, so he can not be expected to be an equal in Kaiser's eyes.

They'll never be anything else than that. An emperor and his lackey.

Also, due to Kaiser's instinctive desire for destruction, he can't help but hurt Ness. Ness can't help but feel attached to him despite the pain because he knows he'll never receive something different than that from Kaiser.

It's painful, but Ness' own self is tied tightly to Kaiser. His identity revolves around him. From his happiest moments to his most painful memories. Ness is nothing the moment Kaiser is not present. It's like he loses himself. Even inside of him, there are the blue petals that are a constant reminder of how far away Ness is from Kaiser and how impossible it is for them to be something less destructive than what they already have.

Love was nothing but pain for Ness, but he was not going to let it go either.

Ugh, Ness was SOO doomed here. It's so damn depressing I LOVE IT😭🩷🩷

(not for him, because poor boy, but yeah, sjhsjagddl)

Hello, I hope you're having a good day( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

I was reading your Kainess fic "Flower Crown," and I wanted to comment on a few things that I liked about it and my interpretation of it!

(You don't have to answer/read this if it's too much of a hassle because it's more of me yapping than anything else lol)

To begin with, I loved how you portrayed Kaiser and how you developed him.

I liked the contrats between Kaiser's true feelings for Ness and how harshly he actually talks and treats him (especially at the beginning of the fic):

It's contradictory, and it works perfectly for someone like Kaiser who doesn't know how to healthily express his care/love for someone.

He had never experienced the gentleness of someone who loved him, so he uses the tools he was more accustomed to: blunt words and rough physical contact.

But Kaiser's past didn't private him from the capability of caring for someone.

Kaiser's way of love is by being the one who causes pain. Ness is too precious for him to allow him to get his hands dirty, so he'll be the one who "executes" Sae. He'll even go as far as to ruin his soccer career as long as he gives an end to Ness' turmoil:

Later on, after Kaiser had confronted Sae, Ness accepted Kaiser's words about fate. That expecting someone's love/care back only because some supernatural force wanted it like that was stupid.

This allowed them to reach for each other in a more sincere way. Without that wall, that didn't allow Kaiser to confess his feelings, and that it blinded Ness from Kaiser's care for him.

Is at that moment when Kaiser is able to confess that he would have wanted to have him as his soulmate. Because Kaiser considered Ness the only one able to love everything about him and the only one able to understand and accept the way he was.

Kaiser only restrained himself from expressing it because Ness didn't allow it first.

After that, Kaiser holds him gently, comforting him while holding his hand. He was now able to express his love for Ness openly and, most importantly, gently. Moreover, it felt right for Kaiser. He was comfortable with being like that to Ness.

(AAAAAAAAA SO CUTE I'M WANT TO DIEEEEE)

Now Ness goes through a journey of acceptance

Ness, at the end, accepted that:

Sae did not view the soulmate bond the same way as he did. Hence, it didn't make sense to fight for it.

But also, what he wanted with Sae was not something he truly desired, but he desperately seeked it because that's what he thought fate best wanted for them.

That's when his previous rose tattoo (the one that represented his fated bond with Sae, the one Kaiser wanted to knock off in the beginning) started to fade and made space for a new one to bloom (for Kaiser, which is placed where his heart is [which could metaphorically represent how Ness' heart beats for Kaiser OR how his love for him was truly coming from his heart, unlike with Sae with who he was forcing himself to accept]):

Ness' new tattoo was blue, just like Kaiser's arm tattoo.

For Kaiser, blue roses represent "the impossible." Fate did not bond Kaiser and Ness together as it did with Sae and Ness.

It was not "natural" or meant to be.

But they made that impossibility, not only possible because they chose to love each other by their own will and not by some mystical force, but they also made it feet right. Especially for Kaiser, what they had felt natural enough for him.

(I want to kms I loved this sm ahskagsiehejeiwj2je)

Another thing I like that you wrote on your fic was that, while Ness' roses for Kaiser had just started to bloom six months ago, when he finally moved on from Sae, Kaiser's rose bloomed longer, taking all his arm and part of his neck (what I interpret as Kaiser's love for Ness growing way more than Ness' since he had harboured his feelings way before him)

JAHQJWHSI*×&+>+<>!^@^@*>×[+[×(×

I LOVED THISSSSSSS AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVED THIS FIC TYSM FOR WRITTING THIS MASTERPIECE?!!*@**!*@??@*@*

I LOVE THIS IDIOTA SO SO MUCH I WAMT TO DIEEEEEEEJSUWVUWHWJSJSJWIIE YOU WROTE THEM SO BEAUTIFULLY AAAAAAAA

there, that was all I wanted to say :)

I think I've missed some things behind (probably), but I only wanted to comment on the aspects that caught my attention. I have probably misinterpreted some things too, but I tried to connect everything and make my interpretation stand, so I hope I was able to properly express my thoughts (my English is a bit trashy, sorry)

I loved how you worked with the fate/soulmate theme and I also think it was very original of you how you depicted Kainess with the tattoos, it was a subtle and beautiful way to create an image of what their relationship was and meant for them (Also, it was very in character with Kaiser, so even better lol)

Ty again for writing such an amazing fic<33

I have no idea how to reply to it 😭🫂💔 Last two months I've been working on two jobs along with final uni year + thesis writing + freaking out over my visa problems and my mind was slowly dissolving into beautiful numbness. Then I got your ask and something alive blossomed in my soul once again 😭 Thank you so so so much, this means a world to me

Sorry for replying late haha, let's go point by point.

First of all - YES. Yes to everything. Tbh I don't really remember much about this fic and kind of cringe about it now since it's one of the first ones (later kainess fics are MUCH better in terms of psychology and characters depth, trust me!). Still, it holds some of those warm feelings of mine, both as for the memories about the start of the bllk fics journey and starting to write again after a 5 years break, so I'm unbelievably happy that it gained such a wonderful and comprehensive reader 🥹

"He had never experienced the gentleness of someone who loved him, so he uses the tools he was more accustomed to: blunt words and rough physical contact" - this part is so beautiful, I swear. That's the exact case with Kaiser in that fic, where he never learnt how to show affection and that showing it in general is not some sort of a lukewarm stupidity, but a sort of power of honesty itself. I'm so glad you've noted that!

"Kaiser's way of love is by being the one who causes pain" UFFF SO SO GOOD

Also the way you highlighted lines you liked WITH DIFFERENT COLORS oh my I may actually melt.

I really love soulmates troupe and idea in general, and can enjoy even the most general troupe interpretations ever, but when writing personally about it I REALLY want to add something more original. I remember writing one other kainess soulmate/hanahaki AU (+- same time as the flower crown) (MUCH more angsty, basically with Ness getting his brain a bit broken from soulmate-hanahaki mix (literally lol), but Kaiser finding him afterwards and trying to buddy up with him without admitting that "hey, yeah, I'm that your ex who caused you to lose your career, yourself, and your health". The beauty of amnesiac lover and secret identity tropes combined. Because, you know. Michael Kaiser, the broken man he is). I never finished it, but I found it's ending in drafts: since you liked flower crown, I have edited it a bit binding some parts together and in case you want some instant kainess angst shot you can check it under the 'read more'. Thank you so much for leaving this ask once again :)

"I don't even remember what I did to you," Ness said in foreign voice. "Why are you...?" "Why are you so cruel?" Ness forced the words out painfully. They sounded like something ripped from a melodrama—a line that someone whose name was an incomprehensible tangle of sharp consonants and soft vowels of 'B' and 'G' might have loved. Someone who had once been his friend. Someone these damn flowers had taken away from him too. How could he? How could Kaiser? Who could one even be to scar someone’s heart so deeply, not once but twice?

Oh, that’s right. You had to be Kaiser.

He’d said something to that effect once, not particularly caring about Ness’s opinion or response—just because it was the sort of moment that called for an audience to a speech. What had he said back then? Ness fumbled through the waking mess of his memory. His stomach churned violently, and his throat burned raw with scratches and coughing. The coppery taste of blood trickled downward, nauseating and bitter.

"I'm only happy when I'm destroying other people's lives."

What had Ness done to deserve this? He loved Kaiser. He gave everything to him. He—

Why did it have to hurt this much?

Why did love—love for his mother, his father, his siblings, and Kaiser—why did it always have to hurt like this?

Ness didn’t even realize he was screaming it all aloud, his mouth twisting into a grotesque shape. Blood dripped from the corner of his lips, where a rose's thorn had torn the skin, trailing down his face. He wiped it away with an irritable swipe of his sleeve, not caring about the stain.

Kaiser looked as though Ness had struck him.

"Ness, listen—"

"You knew!" Ness shouted, his eyes widening further. "You knew this was all because of you—the surgery, the football, and... You! You always know everything, don't you? But don't you even—"

He was drowning in his own words, coughing, spitting them out one by one. His throat tore at itself; his lungs cinched tight as though bound with barbed wire. Kaiser's face grew increasingly closed, heavy with anger. As though Ness had no right to rage. As though Ness had betrayed him, and not the other way around.

He didn’t remember what happened next. He couldn’t. Because then he couldn’t breathe at all. *

When Ness regained consciousness, the streets of Berlin beyond the window had been swallowed by night. He rose shakily to his feet; his body trembled, swaying as nausea curled in his gut. It felt as though he might vomit at any moment.

He stumbled two meters to the nightstand, which felt like miles, and grabbed his phone with trembling fingers. His search was fumbling and halting: "Kaiser Ness BLTV." *

He vomited within the first minute of the video.

In the rancid yellow-brown pool on the floor, three lonely, barely-sprouted rosebuds floated. Their blue petals were still tightly twisted together, refusing to bloom. Ness prodded at a petal with indifference, exposing the coiled oak sprout at its core.

What a pathetic sight he was.

A ragged sob clawed its way out of him, echoing the despair of the Ness on screen—the one from the England match. His old life, which had revolved around Kaiser, and his new one, entwined just as tightly with him, blurred together. Ness drowned in the mix of a pounding headache and hot, unrelenting tears.

Roots twisted anew in his lungs, tightening around his chest when he saw how easily Kaiser on the field had cast him aside for the unconscious Isagi. God, Ness couldn’t even make it to the store without pausing for breath now.

Memories of fading in and out returned: the dark oblivion, his stomach twisting, his body rejecting itself over and over. Did he dream the hesitant hands patting his back? The frantic voice? Piece by piece, the fragments of the past fell into place, and with every sliver, Ness felt an emptier, aimless version of himself—one who had lost everything that mattered—merge with the current him, vanishing into the muddle.

Morning brought him clarity. Ness blinked blearily, adjusting to the brightness flooding the room, and glanced toward the open window. As he had suspected, Kaiser had drawn the curtains aside, letting sunlight pour in, bouncing off the glass of the bookshelf and the crystal baubles of an old-fashioned lamp.

The room smelled of freshness and cool air, a breeze stirring the pale-green tulle of the curtains. Thoughts in Ness’s head flowed freely, no longer crashing into the barricades his memories once hid behind.

Everything in Ness’s world was back in place.

There had only been a handful of moments in his life when he had felt such peace, quiet, and harmony with himself—and all of them, in some way, were connected to Kaiser.

"Here, take this," Kaiser said, awkwardly shoving a glass of water into Ness’s hand. Sunlight glinted off the crude edge of the glass.

"Thanks, Kaiser," Ness replied, smiling at him with a familiar squint of his eyes.

Kaiser hesitated at the sight of that smile before smirking in return. How had Ness managed to live without him these past six months?

After a moment’s thought, Kaiser lay on the other side of the bed, the mattress shifting under his weight. He reached out, grabbing Ness’s hand and folding it within his own.

"Hey, Ness, you remember now, right?" Kaiser asked casually, his thumb brushing over the knuckles of Ness’s hand. After a pause, he lifted Ness’s hand to his lips, pressing a faint kiss somewhere above the line of fate.

"Yeah," Ness replied simply, turning to face him. He leaned in, brushing a light kiss against Kaiser’s cheek, his nose bumping clumsily against his cheekbone. "It’s okay, Kaiser. I’m me again."

"I love you," Kaiser blurted, suddenly grasping Ness by the wrists, his face proud and triumphant—like when he’d just figured out how to turn the tide of a match with an unexpected move. "So you can relax, Ness. You could’ve said something earlier—I wouldn’t have had to—"

"You don’t," Ness interrupted softly.

Kaiser’s mouth fell slightly open in confusion.

"It’s fine," Ness chuckled. His lips curled into the familiar, narrow smile that always appeared in Kaiser’s presence.

Inside him bubbled a thousand emotions—a wild mix of happiness, devotion, and a deep sense of belonging. He felt whole, alive, breathing again. How could Noah, the sports doctor, the surgeon, or the therapist have told him otherwise? Ness’s entire life was tied to Kaiser. If Kaiser had asked, Ness would have torn open his chest himself, ripping free the heart and rose-covered lungs with bare, bloodied hands to present to Kaiser—just for a flicker of his approval.

"…What?" Kaiser asked finally, swallowing hard. He looked disoriented, even scared.

"I appreciate it, Kaiser, but you don’t need to say that," Ness chided gently, brushing his fingertips over the contours of Kaiser’s face. The ridge of his brow, the soft lashes, the roughened corner of his lips. He tucked an unruly strand of Kaiser’s hair behind his ear.

"An emperor shouldn’t lie, especially not for someone like me," Ness murmured. "I see now how foolish I was to try to hold on to you. I won’t be a problem anymore."

The soft blanket rested lightly over Ness, the pillow’s escaped feather tickling his scalp. It was so warm and comfortable—if only this moment could freeze in time.

Tomorrow, Kaiser would meet someone new, remarkable, strong—someone like Sae, like Isagi, like Noa—and Ness would fade to the background again. How could he have ever expected otherwise? They were worlds apart. How had he been naive enough to hope to claim Kaiser entirely for himself?

It had taken near-death and six months of emptiness for Ness to accept this truth: Kaiser would never love him back. And wishing for more had been a fool’s errand.

Ness buried his face in Kaiser’s neck, pressing against the center of that familiar tattoo, wrapping his arms around him hesitantly. He knew these fleeting moments of Kaiser’s favor were rare, so he clung to them, savoring as much as he could before Kaiser inevitably grew tired of him.

But that was okay.

As long as he could see Kaiser now and then, catch the shadow of his smile, share even a few words a year—

He would choke on rose petals and oak leaves for the rest of his life.

Because, in the end...

Who was Ness without Kaiser?

#kainess #michael kaiser #alexis ness #bllk #blue lock

11 notes · View notes