#the three moods seem to be mortified; emo and angry here lol

[honorhearted]

Short and delicate?

Ben's first instinct was to argue -- to insist her hypothetical was wrong, because he would never be asked to "just polish weapons" -- but instead, he tamped his lips together and listened, fiddling with the saber on his hip with a hint of agitation. But the more he listened, the more he realized that this was Emma's point; that there was a feeling of exasperation, of hopelessness that came from being denied one's greatest desire.

“How’d you feel? And I’m sure you didn’t talk to her exactly like that, but are you sure that’s not what she heard?”

"I'm not sure of anything," Ben softly said. "Anna isn't exactly shy in her frustrations, so I feel she would have let me know, but...you could be right. Especially since I, myself, have not been awarded everything I wish for in this fight. I have been ignored and undermined by my superiors, and in some instances my dearest friends, so I know the frustrations of which you speak. Perhaps not as greatly as a woman, but I am not immune to that helpless feeling." He shrugged. "I don't like being out of control, and yet the outcome of this very war is something I cannot guarantee. I suppose I just enjoy the feeling of control in what I can change...and that's my friends. I can keep Anna safe when she follows my rules."

But could he truly? There was never a guarantee of anything in life...

As if proving this thought correct, Emma went on to explain the horrors of her mother's kingdom. Despite it not being his own land, a spark of resentment swelled between his ribs, and lifting his chin, Ben's jaw tightened at the idea of such innocence being snuffed based upon one single grudge.

"A monster," he softly gritted. Shaking his head, Ben asked, "And this Regina...she is still alive? She still terrorizes your kingdom?" Gripping more tightly at the saber on his hip, he said, "If the war concludes before your return, then perhaps we can help you...or I can help you, if Washington refuses. Such evil is unacceptable. We are fighting to make the world better, and that should extend to our allies."

“Don’t… Please, don’t ever tell anyone I said I needed rest if I ever come up in a conversation."

Perplexed, he raised a brow. "Why would you needing rest be a source of contention?" he asked. "You are human, Swan, and humans need sleep and recuperation in order to thrive." Even as the words left his lips, Ben knew how hypocritical they were. He, himself, opted to push himself to the limit without rest, because if he paused for even a moment, he feared the brief respite would lead to irreparable damage.

Still, Ben chose not to admit as such as he passed Emma the chocolate. "You say that now," he wryly muttered, "and yet I have never once heard you 'shut up.' I think you're merely giving me false hope."

"Ah, there, you try to be accomodating,” Emma smiled, thinking that she would have been a proper demon to a man who attempted that with her. “Perhaps I can help you see things from the perspective of the fairer sex, then, or at least what it can feel like to be accomodated from a woman’s point of view. Let’s see… you are… tall. Yes, if I weren’t wearing these boots I’d barely reach your chin. Tall and strong, I’m sure, so the example I’m about to make is hopefully not going to offend you because it’s clearly not bringing up any real flaw you may have. Now imagine that you are you. Same body, same personality, same… wishes to fights and protect, to do something for your people, same idea of what’s wrong and what’s right. But not a Major, still just Benjamin Tallmadge from Sataukett. Now take this seriously, I think you are the only man in this camp who will ever hear it,” she warned him, “You go enlist and I, someone taller and stronger than you, say:… sorry Tallmadge, but I can’t imagine you actually helping here, regretfully you are too… short and delicate, have you considered supporting our troops by polishing their weapons? Other people of your size are happy to do so, and it’s important, it keeps people able to fight. If they, rightfully, happy to do their part that way, why can’t you? You can cook, you told me so, you could do that too. I understand you want to do more anyway but… oh, alright, look, if you really must, then I think I have another little job for you, something that even someone like you can do, and then you go right back to safety. Trust me, you may think you can do more, but I know you’d just get hurt, and I do know better than you, usually. Leave the real fight to us bigger folks. Now here, go do your task, little champion, you’ll be great!” she gave him a little encouraging pat to the shoulder, then dropped the condescending tone. “How’d you feel? And I’m sure you didn’t talk to her exactly like that, but are you sure that’s not what she heard?”

Of course the way his war went was the way wars were supposed to be, there were unacceptable targets and it was just common sense to see them as such. She wouldn’t put herself in that category, she fought, but she couldn’t imagine wanting to harm townspeople. Yet their enemies had always been all too comfortable doing so. “My mother was a very young woman when her step-mother Regina seized the throne and sent her out with a mercenary who was meant to kill her. He took pity and let my mother run, and… my mother didn’t want to go back and fight her, she was a lady after all, and she wanted to believe that Regina could still be saved with love, so she hid… and then, one day, she walked into a mass grave. An entire village… elders, women, children, just… there, not even buried, a punishment for refusing to give my mother’s location up. That was… already unforgivable. But Regina just got worse. She took hearts from people. My mother was living in a camp like this when she commandereed the very small group of people and then the army that took the castle back. But Regina fled because my mother didn’t have it in her to execute the woman who had raised her for years. I’ve got a scar to prove she’s still out there,” she placed a hand over her chest, “She still tries. And the men loyal to her have not changed. So there is no honor in our battles… and my paternal grandfather had a similar history and is also trying to destroy my father by hurting me. Honestly I believe that if you throw away your honor and can’t look at yourself in the mirror anymore there is no point in having survived a fight, but it’s hard to remember the lines not to cross when the enemy has none. I never thought that a warzone like this could be a place where I could have some needed rest, but… it’s admirable that both sides are trying to do right.”

“Don’t… Please, don’t ever tell anyone I said I needed rest if I ever come up in a conversation. Not that many but your general are ever likely to speak to someone who knows me, but it’s better if people don’t know.” It had slipped out, and it was the first time Emma was relieved that in at most two days time she’d leave. As much as she was enjoying her time with this man, it made her too comfortable.

And the one time she had meant to hold back on the inappropriateness, meaning merely kisses when she spoke of experience, it was obvious that Benjamin had taken it the exact wrong way. Except that the wrong way was also correct and she couldn’t very well pretend to be chaste and pure to fix the assumption. At least she could skip it entirely by addressing the last bit of his response, raising her eyebrows in skeptical disapproval. “If a man has a sweetheart waiting for him and tries to be less lonely with me, I promise you that he’ll very quickly learn how much I value loyalty. But I understand.”

So adorable. She couldn’t help the appreciative and amused smile at his request, finding it so endearing, “As you wish,” she conceded softly, and offered her hand with her palm up, “You know how else to shut me up.”