#the thought of Avery with a little baby sister he spoils | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moremaybank · 2 years

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hiiii! i can’t explain how excited i am to request this so here we go!

Y/N is dating Elijah. One day she goes baby shopping with him to get sister’s newborn some clothes. Whilst there, she gushes on about children (her period ended days ago and but her hormones are going haywire). Days later she drops the clothes at her sister’s place and holds her niece (Elijah is with her). Y/N notices how natural he looks with a baby so it turns her on, that evening in bed back at home, she points this out to him. She says he knows they can’t have kids but she’d enjoy trying anyways, he admits he has a breeding kink….the rest is up to you. 💋

BABY FEVER — e.m

pairing elijah mikaelson x fem!reader

summary seeing elijah doting on your baby niece excites you in more ways than one

warnings 18+, unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampie, choking, edging, dirty talk/language, imprint, spanking, praise kink, degradation kink, overstimulation, anal play, a dash of oral sex (f. receiving), let me know if i missed any

author's note she's a biggie. i hope you i made you proud with this, bestie😘 @amournoir

elijah masterlist

“sweetheart, please do not cry."

elijah used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear from your cheek as you peered down at the large selection of infant-sized onesies in front of you.

“i can’t help it. look how tiny this onesie is, ‘lijah,” you pouted, holding up the one you picked out for elijah to see. "'i'm not spoiled...my auntie just loves me.' it's perfect. help me grab one in every colour they offer."

it had been a week since your sister gave birth to her bundle of joy, gifting you a gorgeous little niece by the name of avery. you'd never had your own niece or nephew to spoil rotten, so when you heard your sister was pregnant, you were over the moon.

you'd forced elijah to join you on your mission to the baby store — not that he could ever say no to you — and all you'd done since you two had arrived was gush over any item your gaze landed on. the minuscule-sized pink frilly socks, the baby dresses adorned with silk bow sashes, the flower headbands...the list goes on. if it weren't for elijah bringing you back down to earth every five minutes, you were sure you'd be buying the entire store.

you tried. you tried so hard to resist, but you couldn't help it. the thought of those chubby little baby rolls, their adorable gummy smiles, how peaceful they look when they sleep, that delectable newborn baby smell...it was all too much, and it sent your hormones (and ovaries) that were already short-circuiting thanks to your recently-ended period, into overdrive.

"how many articles of clothing could a newborn need? she will outgrow all of them in three weeks' time."

"hush. i want her to have a selection," you argued, smacking his chest lightly with the back of your hand in warning. "honestly, you should be counting your blessings. if this were our baby, every baby store in the state would be cleared out. you know i like to be prepared."

elijah smiled at that because he knew you were only kidding, but in the back of his mind, he began to worry that somewhere down the line, his lack of the ability to give you a baby of your own would be something that drove you two apart. he loved you with every fibre of his being and wanted to provide you with everything. but a part of that everything just wasn't feasible — at least not in the traditional way. and to make matters worse, his younger brother klaus had been able to do the impossible without even trying. it was enviable.

he decided to shake it off, telling himself that he shouldn't be stressing out over a topic that hadn't been brought up. you'd always believed in the good, and in turn, you'd helped him believe in it too.

"darling, she's only been a part of the human population for a week now, i don't believe that picking out what onesie she's going to wear will be high on her priority list."

you frowned at him, handing him another onesie to place inside your nearly-full shopping cart. "it doesn't matter. i'm her aunt. it's my job to shower her with whatever she wants for the rest of her life. it's that simple, my love," you told him before you walked ahead of him over to the baby books.

elijah followed you while pushing the cart, always the one to do what he was told when it came to you. to be quite honest, there wasn't a single thing he wouldn't do for you.

"as much as i believe you to be going a tad overboard, i do adore how big your heart is."

you smiled in return, "i know this is all a bit much, i'm just...enthusiastic. besides hope, i've never had a niece or nephew before. i just want to make sure i'm doing this whole 'aunt' thing justice."

"you're a remarkable aunt to hope, and you're going to be just as exceptional of an aunt — if not more — to avery," elijah reassured you, his hands finding your face as he tilted it downwards. his lips pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead to seal the deal.

"you really think so?"

"i know so."

"so, how's the mom life treating you so far?" you questioned, looking over at your sister from your seat in her kitchen. her eyes were set on elijah, who was doting on avery in a matter of ten seconds. just one look at her, and he was putty in her little infant hands. and by god, was it a sight.

"it's...a lot. i mean, i'm responsible for a whole other human life now. it's kinda crazy if you think about it. and it can be pretty gruelling at times. but on the other hand, i've never felt so much love. there's something about holding the life you created in your hands. it's awfully cheesy, but there is truly nothing like it."

you watched the stars behind your sister's eyes and how bright they shined at the mere thought of her daughter. she was filled to the brim with love for her child, and it was a great look on her. you knew it wasn't the same thing, but that's exactly how you looked when you spoke about elijah. you trusted that you felt that same tenderness and utter devotion toward him, that you would go to the greatest lengths just to see him smile.

but now...seeing elijah — strong, noble, and powerful elijah — holding a product of the miracle of life in his hands, watching him as he held your niece in his arms like she were the most precious gem he had ever come across...it made your heart soar even further than you'd ever thought possible. it also caused a fluttering sensation in your core as you took notice of how natural elijah's paternal instincts came to him.

he bounced her lightly in his arms, beaming down at her as he did so. avery's eyes were closed shut, but her mouth mirrored him, giving him a sleepy replica of his smile. she stretched her body, settling into elijah's hold a bit further, and her tiny hand slowly raised up to touch his face. elijah visibly melted, eyes sparkling as he looked over at you from his place in the living room.

your sister interrupted your thoughts by snapping her fingers in front of your face. "earth to y/n. dude, hello?"

"oh, uh — sorry. what were you saying?"

"i asked you why you felt the need to go and spend over three hundred dollars on baby paraphernalia for an infant," she replied, giving you a look. "i knew you were going to go crazy over becoming an aunt, but there was no way i could have prepared for this."

your brows furrowed and you threw a puzzled look her way, "how do you know how much i spent?"

"you let the receipt in the bag, dumbass."

you winced, running a hand over your face. "i swear i told elijah to remind me to take it out of the bag before we came."

"well, you didn't. sucks to suck. but since you brought up elijah..." she trailed off, giving you a suggestive look before her gaze moved over to your boyfriend's.

"what?" you asked, noticing how she was peering at you.

"nothing, just...he seems to be a natural. i mean, if avery wasn't mine and i saw those two walking on the street, i'd assume she belonged to him."

you chuckled, shaking your head at her as you turned to look at elijah and avery once again. your sister had a point. it was undeniable how in sync you two were mentally, surely the product of growing up so close.

"i was thinking the same thing. i might have to take him home and convince him to try to make one of our own," you joked in response, sipping the coffee from the mug in front of you on the counter.

"you couldn't just let me have this one thing, huh?" your sister responded, smiling as she shook her head at you.

"what kind of little sister would i be if i didn't try to steal your thunder? you know i thrive off of attention."

you were laid in bed, applying lotion to your hands as you watched elijah emerge from the shower. the door opened, and a cloud of steam surrounded his body. the light from the lamps on your bedside tables reflected off of the water droplets littered across his bare chest and torso, and the sight did nothing to quell the rapidly increasing ache you'd felt for him since that day at the baby store.

his eyes landed on you, and he gave you a smirk when he noticed how you were ogling him. it was almost pitiful how much that tiny action affected you, but you were whipped — unashamedly so.

"what is on your mind, my love?"

you set your lotion back in the drawer of your end table, giving him a bashful smile as your cheeks began to flush.

"i'm just thinking about how much i loved watching you with avery earlier. deep down, my boyfriend, the thousand-year-old original, is a big ole' softy. it's incredibly sexy."

"hm," elijah hummed, walking over to your side of the bed, "is that so?"

he was now towering over you, his delicious body only inches away from you now. his hand threaded itself into your hair, gripping it slightly as he tilted your head up so he could meet your gaze, and his thumb stroked along your temple.

you gulped in anticipation, your eyes trailing down the prominent muscles of his bare torso until they landed on the towel that was wrapped loosely around his hips, and you wanted nothing more than to yank it off. it was hard to maintain your self-control, especially when your gorgeous, hand-carved boyfriend was standing in front of you with nothing but a towel covering the most intimate parts of him.

"mhm," you nodded. "i know we can't make a baby of our own, but the thought of us trying... it'd be fun, wouldn't it?" your fingers lightly ran over his exposed skin above the towel. your light touch caused goosebumps to form on his skin, and his hand wrapped around your throat as he pulled you up gently to your knees.

"i can't think of anything i'd enjoy more," he breathed, releasing his grip on your locks and placing both hands on your clothed hips. "you certainly know how to get a rise out of me, sweetheart. tempting me with the idea of pumping you full of my cum until your pretty cunt cannot hold any more of me."

you clenched your thighs together, his words having seeped into your veins and down to your core. your clit throbbed, growing sensitive as you pictured elijah claiming your cunt over and over, with his cum leaking out of you and drenching the bed sheets. your panties were slowly dampening, and you craved more of his touch.

elijah felt your muscles tense underneath his touch, and as if he knew your thoughts, his fingers slipped under the skimpy hem of your silk nightgown. they hooked into your panties, his bodily warmth inched closer to the area that craved him the most, and a shiver went up your spine, perking up your nipples as they peaked through the thin material.

"why the hell are you still wearing a towel?" you whispered, your tone reeling him in even further.

"i'm not totally sure. perhaps i should remove it."

"agreed," you smiled, biting your lip as his hand tugged the towel off of his hips, casting it onto the floor. your eyes caught sight of his hardening length. it was already red and visibly angry as it ached for the attention only you could satisfy it with. you salivated at the view, and elijah watched as you became memorized by him. there was no way in hell he would let all of those scorching feelings go to waste.

elijah climbed on top of you as you leaned back onto your elbows, his hands returning to their place under your nightgown to toy with the tiny lace material that covered your cunt. the tips of his fingers brushed over your clothed clit, sending a jolt of energy through you. you tried to grind your hips into his digits, but elijah stopped you, his hand pressing you down against the mattress.

"you know the rules, my darling. i am the one in control. you don't get to feel good unless i say so. is that understood?"

you nodded, his authoritative tone making clear where you stood in this scenario. you loved elijah like this, loved handing your body over to him to use in every way he wished to. your submissive side relished in the control he took over you, and it was as if you lived to please him. like it was your sole purpose, and nothing else mattered.

elijah pushed you flat on your back, your head hitting your pillow as his lips found your neck. he licked a stripe up your pulse point, his fangs poking out momentarily and dragging lightly against your skin. he braced one hand on your neck to keep you in place as his other tugged your panties to the side. he collected some of your slick on his fingers, smoothing it over your bundle of nerves and massaging it in agonizingly slow and torturous circles. you gasped when you felt one of his fangs break through the barrier of your skin ever so slightly, drawing a drop of blood from it. it trailed down your neck a little before elijah lapped it up.

"how is it that every part of you is so sweet? even the blood that courses through your veins is just as candied as your heart. so decadent," he murmured against your skin. he sucked on different parts of your neck and collarbone, marking you up as he continued to tease you with his fingers. he could feel how wet you were as he gathered more of the slick that was oozing out of you. "is all this for me, my love? is this how badly you want me to fuck every drop of my cum into your needy cunt? so pathetic."

his taunting only caused more fluttering inside of you, your walls clenching around nothing as he teased the very tip of his index and middle fingers at your entrance. he brought his fingers up to your lips, shoving them inside your mouth as he ordered you to suck your arousal off of them. you obeyed his command, your tongue lapping at his digits as you relished in the taste of yourself.

when you finished, he drew his fingers back and wrapped his hand around your throat as his free hand lined himself up with your entrance.

"do you want to make me proud?" he asked, his hold on your throat keeping your gaze locked on his.

you nodded in return, but it didn't seem to be the sort of response that elijah wanted from you. his fingers curled around your throat tighter, and he pulled your face closer to his.

"i'll ask again. will you make me proud?"

"yes. i'll do whatever you want. love pleasing you," you replied.

"then you'll lie still for me while i fuck you full?"

"yes. use me to make yourself come. i'll be so good for you," you spoke, eyes pleading for him to do something. all you wanted was for him to use you in any way he saw fit. you didn't care what he did or how he did it. you just needed to feel him.

"good," he said, and that was the only resemblance of a warning you received before you felt his cock slam into you. he buried himself to the hilt, and he was so big inside you that you could see his length poking out from inside you. he traced over the imprint protruding from your abdomen, looking up at you with a proud smirk. "look how wide i stretch out this tight little cunt. how full i stuff you. it is divine."

it was divine. elijah was so deliciously deep inside of you, you'd convinced yourself to believe that you could feel him in your throat. "you fill me up so perfectly, baby. stuff me over and over until i'm a mess for you...until i can't take it anymore. please," you begged. you were trying to rile him up, and you could see that it was working as your eyes locked with his.

"because you asked me so very nicely..." he said, easing himself out to the tip before he rutted into you harshly, "i will give it to you just how you want me to." you squealed at his force. your fingers grasped the sheets that surrounded you as elijah's pace quickened, giving you no time to adjust to his size. his movements were merciless, and with every thrust, it felt like he was knocking the wind out of you.

"i want you to look at us...watch how i fuck you," elijah ordered, his hand around your throat tugging your gaze down to where he was fucking you. but that wasn't the only thing that caught your eye. you kept your sight on your abdomen as you watched his cock slide in and out. the view was so erotic that you felt yourself beginning to clamp around his length already. you brought one of your hands down to toy with your clit in an attempt to help you reach your high.

"want all your come, 'lijah. need to feel you leaking out of me. please, i'm so close."

it hadn't even been five seconds after you begged him to come when elijah pulled out of you suddenly. he knew how close you were. his knowledge of your body and how responsive you were to his touch was something that was definitely not lacking.

you whined at the loss of contact instantly, and before you could blink, elijah had both of your hands pinned above your head with the hand that previously rested on your throat.

"did we not agree that you only come when i say so?"

you nodded pitifully. you knew who was in control. there wasn't even a question. but you were hoping he would let it slide since he was so wrapped up in you imploring him to breed you.

"you should have listened to me, sweetheart. now i am forced to punish you. i surely cannot allow you to get away with misbehaving."

"elijah, please. i'm sorry. i'll behave, i promise. i need you to make me come."

"you should have thought of that before you decided to disobey me," he spoke. he then used his vamp-speed to put you on your knees before him. his hands grabbed hold of your wrists and pulled them behind your back. he left one hand on them, his vice grip making it difficult to release yourself from his grasp — not that you wanted to. with that same hand, he pushed your wrists into the arch of your spine, pushing you as far as you could go. you yearned for the high elijah would grant you by the night's end; that was a no-brainer. but you also wanted yourself to be at his mercy completely, and elijah was acting on those very same desires.

elijah landed a harsh smack on your ass, your flesh stinging as red hues rose to the skin there. he then plunged his cock into your entrance, his free hand ramming your ass against his hips as he fucked you mercilessly.

the only thing you could do in response to his actions was call out his name repeatedly, the volume filling your shared bedroom. your throat was already raw, vocal cords aching as you panted heavily. you bit down on the comforter below you, squeezing your eyes shut as you let elijah teach you your lesson.

"that's it, darling," he said, punctuating his sentence with another slap onto your ass, "take all of me. you adore being punished, don't you? you're such a pathetic little slut for me that you'll let me use you in any way i feel inclined, hm?" he sneered, fucking you further into the mattress.

the pleasure was more than overwhelming, but if he ripped it away from you, you knew that would leave you aching even more. it was too much, but not enough at the same time, and that thought drove you insane. if this was how you went out, you'd die a happy woman. the tears that welled in your eyes began to roll down your cheeks, dampening the duvet in front of you as you shoved your face deeper into it.

elijah's hand gained a grip on your hair as he continued his brutal thrusts, and he yanked you upward. your back was flush against his chest, and his arms wrapped around your middle as he fucked into you harder, still. your hands gripped his biceps, and your nails clawed into them, leaving behind crescent-shaped marks on his skin as you clung to him.

"no running, darling. you're not going anywhere. i'm going to fill you up with my seed, and you're going to be my best girl and take it. isn't that so?"

"shit — yes, baby. i'm your good fucking girl. i'll take it all," you sobbed. your legs felt like jelly, they were trembling beyond control, and if it weren't for elijah's hold on you, you'd be limp.

"i can feel you, my love. gripping my cock like a vice. you spoil me. you'd do anything to come right now, wouldn't you?" he taunted as he felt your walls squeezing him once again. when you nodded furiously, starting to convulse around him a little harder, he tore your high away from you once again, dropping you down onto the bed. you planned on crying out and pleading for him to let you come, but those plans were interrupted when elijah gripped your hips, pulling them back up so he could lap at your cunt. his cock twitched with need as he'd robbed himself of his own release, but he didn't care because he knew how forcefully the waves would crash over both of you when the time came.

"elijah," you gasped in shock, your clit throbbing immensely as his lips wrapped around it. his tongue swirled around it, flicking and toying with it with precise movements. meticulous enough to keep you on the brink of your orgasm, but not quite enough to push you over the edge. your hips subconsciously rolled against his face, and he pulled back. he stood up once more, slapping your clit and pulling another squeal from you before he plunged into you again. this time, he planned on rewarding you — and himself — with his come filling your pussy up.

"you're so beautiful when you turn into a mess for me. i'm so proud of you, sweet girl," he grunted as he rutted into you as hard and deep as he could. his speed was inhumane, vampire tricks coming into play as he brought you closer and closer to your orgasm.

"'lijah, i need it so fucking bad, i'll do anything. please let me soak your cock," you cried out.

elijah obeyed, granting you your wish as he pushed his thumb into your puckered hole. you erupted, your walls gripping him so tightly that it made it difficult for him to keep moving. "there we go, sweetheart. make a mess all over me. do your absolute worst," he gritted through his teeth.

he threw his head back as he kept up his unwavering pace, chasing his own orgasm. he brought his free hand down to your clit, rubbing it harshly so he could keep you wrapped tightly around him.

you were beginning to come down, but elijah was still rapidly chasing his high with his unforgiving thrusts. sobbing was an understatement at that point; you were nothing but a weeping puddle as the overstimulation sent you into a frenzy. you were so exhausted that all you could do was lie there and let elijah fuck you to his heart — and cock's — content.

"fill me up, baby. pump me full of your seed. make me your little breeding whore," you encouraged as best as you could manage. you still felt the energy buzzing through your veins with every motion against your clit and thrust against your g-spot.

elijah's past goal of getting you to remain clamped around him seemed to be working because you were fast approaching another earth-shattering orgasm. he felt your walls start to grasp him once more, and finally, his cock twitched, and his seed sprayed the inside of you. you came together, the both of you collapsing onto the bed as you rode out your highs.

elijah began to slowly pull out of you when he noticed the mixture of both of your releases starting to slip out of you. he stroked inside of you slowly, fucking both of your come back into you.

you hissed at the contact, still extremely sensitive as you turned your head, locking eyes with your boyfriend. he looked gorgeous, all fucked out and glowy from the sheen of sweat that laid over his skin. still, that didn't stop you from noticing the slightly worried expression that took over his features.

"what is it?" you questioned, your weak arm reaching up to smooth some hair away from his forehead.

"i know you have said that you are okay with my not being able to procreate, but i just worry that i'm taking your dreams away. i do not wish to be the one that holds you back from the future you have always planned. i love you far too much to do that to you."

your gaze softened, and you shuffled closer to him, your hand finding his chest and resting over his heart.

"my future isn't dependent on having kids. it is, however, dependent on being with you."

elijah's hand rested on top of yours as his eyes searched yours, "you're certain?"

"i am. i promise."

elijah tag list (join here!): @amournoir @princess-charming-01 @kittyqrt @trenchmaniac @hopesdadswife @skydisneylover @the-kaya-aa

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thatsdemko · 2 years

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want one? -c.pulisic

pairing: Christian pulisic x fem!reader

warnings: fluff + baby fever + minor errors

a/n: since my last Christian work got shadowbanned I hope this one doesn’t 🤞🏻inspired by this video

Avery crawls across the floor, Christian sits on the other end patting the carpet cheering words of encouragement for the seven month old.

“come on, Avery! come see uncle Chris.” his mouth hasn’t left a smile since you arrived to Florida a couple hours ago. the second you got to his sisters house your boyfriend has not left his nieces side. needless to say, he’s obsessed with her, and how could one not be? her rolls, eyes, and smile were just all too precious it was easy to get wrapped around her finger.

“good girl!” Christian cheers watching her plop into his lap, he holds one of her toys in his hands, and her little fingers are reaching up trying to bring it to her mouth.

“I can’t believe how big she’s gotten.” you turn to devyn, the most gorgeous mother and Christian’s sister. she nods in agreement watching her big brother play peek a boo with her daughter. the giggles of them both echo around the house.

“they grow up so fast, before you know it she’s kicking a soccer ball around.” devyn chuckles watching Christian’s ears perk up, he picks his head up from the infant, a big happy smile.

“she’s going to play soccer?” he breathed out, almost ready to choke up. he was sure Avery would get into horses considering it was his sisters thing, but never once did he doubt she’d introduce her to the first love of his life— the game of footy.

“you act surprised! she’s got some pulisic genes in her, I’m sure she’ll be just as good as her uncle.” Devyn watches him pick up Avery pressing soft kisses against her skin and he mumbles some words you both can’t make out.

“maybe even better.” you chuckle saying it to just her. you can’t help but feel a certain way watching Christian interact with Avery. he’s always spoiled the little one from across the seas, but being in person with him and her is different. he’s so in love and wrapped around her finger you can’t help but imagine how he would be with one of his own.

“thinking about one?” she whispers, shoulder bumping into yours snapping you from your thoughts. you almost can’t help, but blush a little nodding. you’ve been with christian for a long enough time that children and marriage came up a lot, but the timing was never right. now seeing him with kids, maybe the best time was now.

“can’t help but think about it.” you sigh sinking further into the couch cushions allowing your ovaries to go into overdrive watching him lay on his stomach, feet kicking in the air watching the little girl play with her interactive toy.

“I know he wants one with you, it’s all he ever talks about to me now.” she gets up from the couch as Avery began to fuss a little. she goes off taking her daughter into another room leaving you both in the living room. in some way, you think the little girl knows there’s an important conversation needing to be held.

“she’s so freaking cute, y/n.” he moves to sit next to you, hand resting on your thigh, “I want one.” he whispers carefully watching your response. he knows what you’re about to say, he knows it’s not the right time, and he’s willing to wait. you’re the only one he wants to carry his children.

“I know, me too.” you whisper resting your head against his shoulder, “when can we start?” your words catch him by surprise. you hear his breath hitch a little watching him shift against you.

“y/n, be serious with me.” he says, you sit up off of him giving him a look that he knows you’re being for real. he laughs nervously half unexpectedly because he wasn’t expecting that response, “now? you want to start now?”

“whenever you’re ready, pulisic we can start.”

#christian pulisic imagine #christian pulisic blurb #christian pulisic #christian pulisic fanfic #christian pulisic one shot #christian pulisic smut #christian pulisic x reader #christian pulisic x you #christian pulisic fluff #football fic #football imagine #football blurb #football imagines #football oneshot #football one shot #football blurbs #football smut #chelsea fc

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james-joyces-right-eyeball · 3 years

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Absolute Favorite Books I’d Recommend to Anyone

This is a list of my top-tier favorite books that I would recommend/talk about endlessly to pretty much anyone (in no particular order). I know people probably don’t care but I just like talking about books I love so here we are.

Beloved - Toni Morrison

~ Based off the real story of Margaret Garner, a slave woman who escaped slavery and when captured killed her child in order to prevent them from ever being enslaved again, Beloved tells the story of a mother named Sethe, born in slavery who eventually escaped and is haunted by the figurative demons of her trauma and the literal (arguably) ghost of her dead daughter, who she herself killed. It is an excellent exploration of the horrors of slavery and of the haunting legacy of the institution for those who were subjected to it.

Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

~ If you’ve been on Tumblr for a while, you probably know what Lolita is. The story of the predatory Humbert Humbert who lusts after, rapes, and kidnaps the “nymphet” Dolores Haze. An excellent construction of how predators, unreliable narrators in their own right, hide behind fabrications, almost-believable excuses, and pretty words to make their actions seem maybe not so bad. In the words of the book itself, “You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.”

Ulysses - James Joyce

~ Notoriously one of the most difficult books in the English language, Ulysses lifts its structure from Homer’s Odyssey to tell the story of a common man, Leopold Bloom, as he goes about his day. Yes, this book takes place over the course of only one day. We follow Bloom as well as Joyce’s literary counterpart Stephen Daedalus through their thoughts and actions, gathering details of their lives previous throughout. It’s a book that, in my own words, “is life”. It is sad, funny, strange, vulgar, disgusting, beautiful, revelatory, sensual, and nonsensical all at once. Joyce aimed to create a reflection of life through his stream-of-consciousness style which some people might find confusing, but I personally find absolutely beautiful and honest and realistic. The prose is also gorgeous, but that could be applied to everything Joyce wrote.

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

~ The classic gothic book that tells the tale of Heathcliff and his ultimately destructive love of Catherine Earnshaw, whose eventual marriage to someone else and the general mistreatment of him by her family drives Heathcliff insane and he spends the rest of his life trying to take revenge by abusing and torturing the next Earnshaw and Linton (the family into which Catherine marries) generations. If I’m being honest, I like this book mostly because of how wild and dark it is, but the writing is also genius and beautiful. I think the book also carries an interesting view of the destructive nature of revenge, overzealous love, and othering.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith

~ A coming-of-age story at the turn of the century that tells the story of Francie Nolan, a young bookish girl growing up in a lower class family in New York City. It tells about her father’s struggles with alcoholism as well as her mother’s struggles to deal with that and at the same time raise Francie and her brother. Francie is confronted with a strange, uncertain world as a young girl, but tries to face it with bravery throughout childhood

Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

~ Another coming-of-age story, this time about four young sisters: Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy March. You are probably familiar with this book already; it’s had more movie adaptations then I can possibly remember off the top of my head. It’s the story of four sisters as they try to navigate growing up, love, and loss during the mid to late 1800s.

The Color Purple - Alice Walker

~ A novel that tells the story of Celie, a young black woman who is raped and then married young to a man who will go on to use and abuse her, through her letters to God. Throughout the novel she meets Shug Avery, a woman with whom she eventually falls in love and begins a relationship with. Through this and her eventual freedom from her abusive husband, she is able to gain at last her own sense of self and take back control over her life, a life no longer ruled by the abusive men around her.

The Bluest Eye - Toni Morrison

~ The tragic story of young black girl Pecola Breedlove, who wants nothing more than to have blonde hair and blue eyes just like the women she sees in the movies. Both a deconstruction of the whiteness of beauty standards as well as how these standards can utterly destroy vulnerable young girls, it is also an exploration of the people who allow these sorts of things to happen, including Pecola’s mother and father. The Bluest Eye, I think, showcases one of the aspects of Toni Morrison that I like the most, that I aspire to the most: her ability to enter the minds of all people, even people who you might despise at first. Her characters, especially Cholly in The Bluest Eye, are ones you might not entirely sympathize with, but they will always be ones you understand.

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

~ Based off of the author’s own experiences as a young college student, The Bell Jar tells the story of Esther Greenwood, whose depression over her place as a woman in a patriarchal society as well as her inability to choose a life path for herself leads to a suicide attempt and a subsequent stay in a mental hospital. A very nuanced portrayal of mental illness, especially anxiety and depression, The Bell Jar is an extremely moving and relatable story for me and clearly is as well for others. It is a classic for a reason.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou

~ A memoir of Angelou’s childhood, this book tells the story of her experiences living as a black girl in the south with her grandmother and brother as well as her later years living with her mother. It also tells of how she was raped by her mother’s boyfriend when she was around eight or nine, and how she struggled to live with that and find her voice, both literally and figuratively. A wonderful book about overcoming struggles and the power of words and literature in such times.

Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison

~ Ellison’s novel tells the story of a young black man, never getting a name in the text, and his feelings of invisibility and his struggles to find a place in society to belong. His struggles only lead him further into despair, until he decides to “become invisible” as people seem not to see him as a person anyway. Invisible Man is an exploration of American mid-century racism and the isolation it causes to those subjected to it. Not only that, but it is surprisingly relevant to our times now, especially on the subject of police violence. (Personal anecdote: When I first read this book, when I got to the aforementioned police violence part it was right in the middle of the BLM resurgence last summer and I cried for a good twenty minutes while reading that chapter over how nothing had changed and it still hurts me to think about it. Embarrassingly, my dad walked in on me while I was crying, and I had to quickly explain it away.)

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - James Joyce

~ The title basically says it all lol. This book tells of the coming-of-age of Stephen Daedalus (the same one from the later-written Ulysses). His sensitive childhood, his awkward and lustful adolescence, his feelings of Irish nationality and Catholic guilt, and his struggles to fully realize himself, both as an artist and a human being. It is a very hopeful story, and one that I love mostly because I relate so much to Stephen Daedalus as an artist and as a person.

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

~ A magical-realist intergenerational family drama, Marquez’s book traces the various lives and loves of the Buendia family over the course of (you guessed it!) one hundred years. A beautifully written, at times extremely emotionally moving and chilling masterpiece, Marquez in a way retells the history of Colombia, of its colonization and exploitation.

Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

~ A classic Russian novel of society and love, Tolstoy tells the story of Anna Karenina, married, wealthy woman with a child she adores. However, she falls in love with another man, Count Vronsky, and comes to a tragic end for her love. The parallel story of the novel is that of Konstantin Levin, a wealthy landowner who also struggles to find fulfillment in his life and understand his place in society.

The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner

~ A novel that features an entire family of unreliable narrators, The Sound and the Fury details the fall of a once-prominent southern Compson family and always-present place of the past. There are four different narratives: Benjy Compson, a mentally disabled man who is unsure of his surroundings and of time and only knows that he misses his older sister Caddy; Quintin Compson, the eldest son and a Harvard man both obsessed with his sister retaining her “purity” and the fact that she failed to do so and had a baby out of wedlock, going as far to claim it is his baby in an attempt to preserve something of the family reputation; Jason Compson, who is the caretaker of Caddy’s daughter and believes her to be going down her mother’s “sinful” path; and Dilsey, the black maid of the Compson’s who unlike the people she cares for is not weighed down by their history. The narratives take place in different time periods and is in a stream-of-consciousness style. It’s a deeply dark and disturbing novel about the haunting nature of the past, a common theme in Faulkner’s work (see Absalom, Absalom! for more of this).

Song of Solomon - Toni Morrison

~ It is the story of Milkman Dead, a young black man growing up in the south and his relationship with his very complicated family. To say anymore would be to spoil the novel, but I will say that it is an excellent book about family, self-fulfillment in a world that tries to deny you that, and, like The Bluest Eye, exhibits Morrison’s excellent character work.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - Tennessee Williams

~ A play which takes place on the patriarch of a family’s birthday in the oppressive heat of the midsummer south, Williams’ play explores lies, secrets, and how repression only results in anger, frustration, and sadness. It’s a tragic but brilliant play that I think was very ahead of its time. If you’ve read it (or do read it) then you know what I mean.

Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin

~ This book tells the story of a young man and his love of another man named Giovanni while he is in Paris. It is a book about love, queer guilt, and has what I would call an ambiguous ending. There is uncertainty at the end, but there does seem to be some kind of acceptance. It is a bit of a coming-out story, but more than that it is a story of personal acceptance and at the same time a sad, tragic love story.

HERmione - H.D.

~ An underrated modernist masterpiece, HERmione is a somewhat fictionalized account of the author, Hilda Doolittle’s, experience as a young aspiring poet dating another poet (in real life Ezra Pound in this book named George Lowndes) who is a threat to her both physically and emotionally. It explores her own mental state, as she considers herself a failure and falls in love with a woman for the first time (Fayne Rabb in the book, Frances Gregg in real life).

To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf

~ People think about going to a lighthouse. They do not. A couple years and a war passes then they do. That may seem like a boring plot, and you may be right. However, To the Lighthouse is not much about plot. It is more about the inner lives of its characters, a family and their friends, on two different occasions of their lives: one before WWI and one after WWI. Woolf explores in this novel the trauma that results from such a massive loss of life and security. Not only that, she also explores the nature of art (especially in female artists) in the character of Lily Briscoe and her struggles to complete a painting. It’s a short novel, but it contains so much about life, love, and loss within these few pages.

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Carson McCullers

~ A southern gothic novel about isolation and loneliness in a small town. Every character has something to separate them from wider society, and often find solace and companionship in a deaf man, John Singer, who himself experiences a loneliness that they cannot understand. There are various forms of social isolation explored in this novel: by race, disability, age, gender, etc. A wonderful, heart-wrenching book about loneliness and the depths it can potentially drag people to.

The Waste Land - T.S. Eliot

~ A modernist masterpiece of a poem, Eliot describes feeling emptiness and isolation. The brilliance of it can only be shown by an excerpt:

“Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could not Speak, and my eyes failed, I was neither Living nor dead, and I knew nothing, Looking into the heart of light, the silence.”

“The river’s tent is broken: the last fingers of leaf Clutch and sink into the wet bank. The wind Crosses the brown land, unheard. The nymphs are departed. Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song. The river bears no empty bottles, sandwich papers, Silk handkerchiefs, cardboard boxes, cigarette ends Or other testimony of summer nights. The nymphs are departed. And their friends, the loitering heirs of city directors; Departed, have left no addresses. By the waters of Leman I sat down and wept . . . Sweet Thames, run softly till I end my song, Sweet Thames, run softly, for I speak not loud or long. But at my back in a cold blast I hear The rattle of the bones, and chuckle spread from ear to ear. “

(My personal favorite line from this poem is, “I will show you fear in a handful of dust.”)

The Trial - Franz Kafka

~ The protagonist of the novel, Josef K., wakes up one morning to find that he has been placed under arrest for reasons that are kept from him. Kafka creates throughout the novel a scathing satire of bureaucracy, as K. tries to find out more about his case, more about his trial, but only becomes more confused as he digs deeper. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the world he lives in, and the more tries to explain it the further the more that proves to be the case. An excellently constructed novel and a great one to read if you would like to be depressed about the state of the world because, though Kafka’s work is a satire, like a lot of his other work, it manages to strike a strangely real note.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

~ An absurdist play that is a retelling of Shakespeare’s Hamlet from the perspective of minor characters, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, who in the broad overview of the original play, do not matter. Throughout the play, they question their existence and the purpose of it and through that Stoppard dissects not only the absurdity of life, but how fiction and theater reflect that absurdity inadvertently.

As I Lay Dying - William Faulkner

~ The novel details the journey the Bundren family makes after the death of the family matriarch, Addie, to bury her. Each chapter offers a different narrative from the family members and those who surround them, revealing some ulterior motives to them “going to town” to bury Addie. The patriarch Anse desires a pair of false teeth, and the daughter Dewey Dell is pregnant and needs an abortion, as there is no way for her or her family to support it. It’s about the powerlessness of people in the impoverished south. The Bundrens are constantly subject to forces beyond their control, struggles which would be easily solved if they had the money to spare for it. There is more to the book, but that is my favorite reading of it, that of class. Faulkner’s ability to create distinct voices for every one of his characters shines through here.

And, last but not least:

The Collected Poems - Sylvia Plath

~ All the poems Plath wrote during her tragically short lifetime. The best way to demonstrate or summarize the book’s brilliance is just to show you. This is her poem “Edge”, which appears in the book:

“The woman is perfected. Her dead Body wears the smile of accomplishment, The illusion of a Greek necessity Flows in the scrolls of her toga, Her bare Feet seem to be saying: We have come so far, it is over. Each dead child coiled, a white serpent, One at each little Pitcher of milk, now empty. She has folded Them back into her body as petals Of a rose close when the garden Stiffens and odors bleed From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower. The moon has nothing to be sad about, Staring from her hood of bone. She is used to this sort of thing. Her blacks crackle and drag.”

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! HAPPY READING TO ALL!

#dark academia #books and literature #toni morrison #james joyce #tennessee williams #virginia woolf #william faulkner #sylvia plath #plays #poetry #can you tell i like southern and modernist lit lol?

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firetrucks-fastcars · 4 years

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For headcanons, what do you think about the characters and their reaction/opinion/thoughts on kids (having kids, taking care of kids, etc.) :):):):)

You didn’t specify 911/LS so I’m doing both. Also I’m skipping the “adults” on this one because most of them already have kids.

TK:

Despite not ever really thinking of himself as a “family man” TK is amazing with kids. Carlos swears he’s some kind of baby whisperer. When they adopt Noah, it takes about five second for him to be completely attached to his daddy.

Carlos:

Carlos loves older kids. He and a few other cops will go down to the park when they have free time and bring baseballs and basketball to the kids. On hot days they bring popsicles and ice cream. But when it comes to babies he’s clueless. For the first week of Noah living with them his diaper was backwards unless TK changed him. Luckily he’s a quick learner.

Judd:

Judd loves kids. He’s a great uncle to his sister’s kids and he’s great with Noah. Having a baby in close proximity gives him maximum baby fever. Needless to say, no one was shocked when Grace announced she was pregnant.

Grace:

Grace has maternal instincts like no one else. She mothers the entire team constantly and it’s almost a relief when Avery is born and she lays off of them a little.

Mateo:

Mateo is like a big kid. They love him and he’s great at thinking of games and keeping them entertained. Marjan knows he’d be a great dad someday but he’s nowhere near ready for kids.

Marjan:

Carlos’ baby whisperer theory also applies to Marjan. Kids flock to her and it’s a little bizarre. She’s also a mom to Mateo because poor baby needs it. TK likes to tease her about her “man child” boyfriend but he shuts up pretty quick when she reminds him of the time she heard him call Carlos ‘Papi’.

Paul:

Paul isn’t the first person who would be picked to babysit but he’s pretty good with kids. It’s highly entertaining to TK to watch him talk to Noah like a grownup. What’s even funnier is that Noah watches him intently like he can understand him and Paul does the same with his unintelligible squeals.

Michelle:

Michelle doesn’t want kids of her own but she loves everyone else’s kids. She spoils Noah and Avery endlessly and treats them like her own. Both Judd and Grace and TK and Carlos are endlessly thankful for her and the free child care.

Buck:

We already know that Buck is a dad to every child he meets. He adopted Christopher within five minutes of knowing him. He’s also the best big brother to May, Harry and Denny and the designated baby sitter for all of the team’s kids.

Eddie:

Eddie wasn’t a fan of kids until Christopher was born. Even then his son was really the only kid he cared about. But when he and Buck got together he got major baby fever from seeing his boyfriend interact with Maddie and Chimney’s baby.

Maddie:

Maddie always liked kids but never thought she’d be able to have kids of her own. It just wasn’t safe. But after she met Chimney and had a baby of her own that changed. Now she wants five more and Chim is desperately trying to talk her out of it.

Chim:

Chim likes kids but only from a distance. He holds babies like they’re going to break and is completely clueless. He’s chill with older kids. Christopher, Harry and Denny are more his vibe. Especially Christopher because he’s well behaved and not very fast so he’s easy to watch.

Hen:

Hen is rivaled by only Buck in her love for children. She loves every child she’s ever come into contact with and Karen has had to sit her down more than once and remind her that they can’t just take kids in off the street.

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chaoswillfallrpg · 4 years

Photo

HESTIA JONES is THIRTY-TWO YEARS OLD and an AUROR in THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT at THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC. She looks remarkably like AJA NOAMI KING and considers herself aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. She is currently OPEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

A woman who has always known exactly what she’s wanted out of life, Hestia Jones was raised in the knowledge she was destined for greatness. Born in North West London to famous Auror ALICIA AVERY-JONES and Wizgamot Judge BALTHASAR JONES, Hestia had large shoes to fill and had a childhood laden with distant parenting and the demand for perfection. The eldest of two children, Hestia was born when her mother and father believed they were truly ready to be parents, but often left her at home in the care of a nanny to focus on their careers. Hestia was born out of the necessity of carrying on their family line before the two felt they were too old, but it was clear a child meant slowing their lives down which neither her mother or father were prepared to do. When Hestia became too old for nanny, she was left in the care of a tutor who prepared Hestia for the strict education she would receive at Hogwarts. Her early days were spent with her nose in a book, a quill in her hand and an Outstanding on every piece of work she turned in to be marked. Hestia soon realised the only attention she would gain from her parents was when she produced hard work, which they valued above all else.

With her mother working hard to become head of The Auror’s Office, it was Hestia’s father she spent the most time with at home, sitting beside him on their long family table in the dining room hoping he’d smile at her neatly presented essay left in front of him. Her cousin often remarked at the oddity of her relationship with her parents. LUCILLE JONES was two years younger than Hestia and the only real companion she had growing up. The apple of her parents eye, her mother was a Muggle actress, whilst her father was an Auror as famous as Hestia’s mother. But despite their fame and wealth, they poured all their love and attention into their daughter, which made Hestia feel small and insignificant. Being left with her aunt, uncle and cousin during the odd weekend when her parents were away was a holiday to Hestia. Her aunt and uncle spoiled her the way she thought she always should have been treated, often sitting silently at family gatherings wishing she’d been born to her uncle ADRIAN and aunt ELODIE rather than being ignored by her parents until they were told of her schooling progress. All of her family had noticed it, remarking her parents were people who should have probably never been parents.

It was as Hestia was preparing to go off to Hogwarts that her younger sister GWENOG was born, a shock to both Hestia and her parents who had claimed they hadn’t wanted any more children. She almost felt sorry for the baby who would grow up as she did in their lonely home in Primrose Hill fighting for attention with their parents' busy schedule, but mostly Hestia was happy she finally wasn’t alone. Though the age gap between them was substantial, at least she would have something to distract her during her visits home from school which was a blessing within itself. Sorted into Ravenclaw, Hestia quickly made her mark at Hogwarts and became top of her year group, vying for the position with her best friend EMMELINE VANCE, but feeling she ultimately came out on top. Hestia was easily one of the most impressive students to grace Hogwarts and was made Head Girl in her final year of school, although she passed up on the opportunity to become Prefect as it would clash with her studies. Despite her brilliance, Hestia soon realised she would never be as impressive as her younger sister to their parents.

Hestia may have been made Head Girl, but it was the same week that Gwenog had mastered a broomstick. She may have graduated as one of the top in her year group and had a History of Magic essentially memorised by the time she was ten, but Gwenog was able to name every single Quidditch Team competing for the League Cup. It was frustrating to say the least, but Hestia tried not to take out her emotions on her younger sister who had clearly benefited from ten years of career progression that had allowed her parents to focus on actually becoming parents. It was as she sat opposite her parents one evening as she told them she had secured her training contract to study to become an Auror and was met with a hug from her father and silence from her mother that she decided she was finished with them. Her surname name was hopefully common enough that no one in her department would figure out her mother was the Head of the Auror’s Office, as she certainly wouldn’t be relying on either of them or her name to get her anywhere in life. Packing a bag, she took her cat, her broomstick, kissed her sister on the head and left her house, putting a downpayment on a flat in King’s Cross to focus on the rest of her life alone.

Auror training was more grueling than she thought it would be, though in true Hestia style she studied almost every night alone in her apartment or with Emmeline with the aim of becoming top of her class as she had been at Hogwarts. It was through her training, Hestia first became aware of AMOS DIGGORY, a self-assured rich boy who began putting himself in direct competition with Hestia. At first Hestia found his effort quite laughable, as it was clear to everyone on their course Amos had been accepted due to the status of his family within the department and struggled academically. Though Hestia is described by most as kind, Amos has often disagreed with this characterisation of her as she is often short with him and has little patience for his frequent jokes and boasting of himself. Finally graduating as an Auror alongside Emmeline and Amos, Hestia quickly threw herself into the job with the aim of solving as many cases as she could. Throughout her time within the Auror’s Office, Hestia has been revered as a competitive, hardworking and diligent witch, who keeps her circle of friends close and often stays behind after hours researching cases which have gone unsolved which are piling up around them.

A number of strange disappearances here and there led Hestia to attempt to reopen the case of Hepzibah Smith who had been supposedly murdered by her own house elf. Unconvinced, Hestia drew negative attention to herself and ended up being reprimanded by her mother for disobeying her superior ALASTOR MOODY. It was humiliating, but worth it given she landed herself in a meeting with ALBUS DUMBLEDORE that would change her life forever. The Order of The Phoenix was in its infancy, with most of its members fresh out of Hogwarts with only basic knowledge in duelling, protective and defensive charms. Hestia has predominantly joined The Order to help her gather information on her unsolved cases, but is surprised how much she has enjoyed her role within the organisation. Alongside Emmeline and Alastor Moody she has taken to attempting to teach the younger members of the group master their magic abilities in preparation for what they fear might be a war. Although a wizarding civil war is a frightening prospect to Hestia, she is confident her work with The Order puts her firmly on the right side of history and will stop at nothing to ensure those who deserve justice receive it.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → She/Her

Identification → Cis Female

Sexuality → Pansexual

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education → Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Ravenclaw)

Family → Balthasar Jones (father), Alicia Avery-Jones (mother), Gwenog Jones (sister), Adrian Jones (uncle), Elodie Jones (aunt), Lucille Jones (cousin/colleague), Florence Jones (cousin), Genevieve Avery (cousin), Jasper Avery (cousin), Kingsley Shacklebolt (cousin/close friend/colleague)

Connections → Emmeline Vance (best friend/colleague), Frank Longbottom (close friend/colleague), Alice Yen (close friend/colleague), Harrison Bagnold (close friend), Ishaan Patil (friend/colleague), Amos Diggory (colleague/adversary), Alastor Moody (boss), James Potter (friend/mentee)

Future Information → Wife of Amos Diggory, Mother of Cedric Diggory

HESTIA JONES IS A LEVEL 8 WITCH.

#hestia jones #aja naomi king #how to get away with murder #htgawam #marauder #order member #ministry #magical law enforcment #magic #jones #aurors office #open #open witch #open order member #open lgbtqia+

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ybarrcs · 5 years

Text

hello , what’s good ! my name’s lina & i’m super excited to be here ! i’m 21 , am currently chilling in the gmt timezone & my pronouns are she / her ! i’m literally a trash bag in human form & spend way too much time thinking stefan salvatore deserved better & hoping that bazzi will someday release another album ! anyway , that’s all boring nonsense ashfkjk but i can’t wait to get to write with u guys & introduce u to this little messy b*tch ! i’m too lazy to rewrite for things so below is just a section ( with his secret removed bc 😏 ) of his app bc i’d never put y’all through reading ALL of that so i hope u enjoy ! if u’d like to plot then smash that lil heart & i’ll come running to u !

oh my gosh, am i crazy or did i just see XAVIER SERRANO jamming out to CHANGED by BAZZI ? wait nevermind, i think that’s just AVERY YBARRA . pretty sure i heard they’re known around hollywood as THE CONNARD. while that is a broad term, it makes sense because they’re known around hollywood for being HEDONISTIC but can also be CALLOUS. which makes total sense after seeing everything prominence insider has posted on their site about them. + missed calls at 2am, tangled knots of headphones, burnt matchsticks, well worn leather jackets, there are pasts inside they, do it out of spite. ◜ lina. 21. gmt. she/her. ◞

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 .

𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 : avery ybarra , previously matías castillo

𝐚𝐠𝐞 : twenty - four .

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 : male .

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬 : he / him .

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 : september 2nd .

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 : virgo .

𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 : 6ft 1in .

𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 : 80kg .

𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫 : light brown .

𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 : green .

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 : chef / social media influencer / youtuber .

𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 : heterosexual .

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 : victoria castillo ( mother , deceased ) & alejandro castillo ( father , 46 ) .

𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : alisa castillo ( sister , 21 ) & amalia castillo ( sister , 18 ) .

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 : barcelona , spain .

𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 : los angeles , california .

𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 : spanish .

𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲 : hispanic .

𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 : spanish ( first ) , english ( second ) , french , italian , portuguese.

𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 : 10 million .

𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐬 : the connard , the hacker , the runaway .

+ 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 : analytical , intelligent , meticulous , modest , practical , reliable .

- 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬 : conservative , fastidious , fussy , harsh , judgemental , overcritical .

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘 .

TRIGGERS ; leukemia , death , drugs & alcohol .

in a quaint yet suburban town located on outskirts of barcelona , spain lived alejandro castillo , a recent high school graduate & current owner of the castillo residence . he’d call it a home , but he wouldn’t label a 100 square meter foundation a home . the castillos never had an easy life , & as the only child of his late parents he was left with the entirety of their his family’s fortune . or so , how little of the fortune they had left . alejandro was a level headed young man who had worked hard in school & had a weekend job to pay off the bills , & with little family he was left alone in the big city to find a stable future & work through his grief . he had three , very important steps to follow : get drunk ; it wouldn’t cost too much for a pint of flaherty’s finest bitter , right ? buy a car ; although he had little money to play around with , his inherited money was enough for him to buy an beaten down toyota 4runner . then , get a girl ; it was a common necessity back then , but who would want a struggling mechanic who was left to live his lonely life ?

in a more upstate area in barcelona , victoria de la rosa resided with her parents & three siblings . now , the de la rosa’s were not by any means considerably wealthy , but they were comfortable . their children were educated in some of the best schools in barcelona & had full scholarships for college . in conclusion , victoria had a good life , but she wasn’t spoiled about it . a modest & kind young lady , she accepted everyone no matter their status & lived somewhat an idealistic life . everyone expected her to do well in life , to marry someone who could treat her the way she deserved to be treated . her parents , who had even higher expectations would cast her off to have meals with already successful young men , but victoria didn’t care about success . success , to her , was three notches short of happiness & if you’re not happy , then what are you doing ? her whole life , she told herself that happiness comes first & success comes later , so she would quickly send who her parents considered to be eligible candidates on their way with that delicate smile of hers .

the day that victoria met alejandro castillo , her whole world changed . he was everything he parents didn’t want her to be with . he didn’t have a lot money , a flashy car or an expensive house . but what he was brave & determined , thoughtful & fair . it was these traits , rather than the little fortune he had behind him that made victoria fall in love so easily & undeniably . within a year , the pair were married , but the wedding wasn’t exactly what would be called ‘ traditional ’ . in fact , it was just the two of them & two witnesses in barcelona’s registration office . it wasn’t decorated with pretty flowers & silk sheets draped over chairs , with hundreds of guests holding back the tears as vows were exchanged , but it was everything they could hope for . on the contrary , victoria’s parents were not happy at all . not just in her choice of the wedding venue but the man she chose to dedicate the rest of her life to . so , as some form of punishment , they cut off her funding & left her to her own devices . but victoria was happy regardless .

the happy couple lived in the castillo home for a couple of years , & after victoria had caught on a stable job & they had a good influx of money to keep them on their feet , they decided to invest in a bigger home . it wasn’t much bigger , but it was a house a lot more fitting for their growing family . after all , victoria was pregnant with their first child , & with that comes a responsibility & the need for a lot more room . the pregnancy was tumultuous & complicated at times , but when it was good , it was incredible . the problems became defeated by the pure happiness that came with feeling their baby kick in victoria’s belly for the first time , or feeling it have hiccup after hiccup . it was a long nine months of waiting for the day to finally come , & after they had both agreed not to find out the gender of their first born , the day their baby was born was the happiest date of their life . it was at 02:51 AM on september the 2nd , 1994 , that matías castillo was born .

as a child , he was vibrant & playful . always curious about his next adventure & finding new ways to entertain himself . he was close to his father ; attached to his hip & striving to be more like him , a man who had recently succeeded in his mechanic’s degree after years of trying & only just catching a stable job . but no matter how close he was to his father , matías would forever be his mother’s son . she was his angel , or so he saw her . she was kind & she would teach him to be so . she would easily talk to strangers & he’d follow suit , wanting people to look at him the same way they looked at her . even with his sisters , he was kind . when they were born , he assumed the role of the protective older brother , & despite the odd few debacles that every single sibling has , he still adored them . the family were as what people would say , like a pack of wolves . everything they did , they did it together & even though they didn’t have a lot , they had each other & that was all they needed .

in school , matías excelled in everything he did . he was one of the top pupils in all his classes & was a good , respectable student . especially in food technology . when he was young , he used to stand at the kitchen counter , peering over the top to see what his mother was cooking & over time , it became his passion . most boys his age were into sports & computer games , but all matías cared about was the smell of bread baking in the oven or the satisfied smiles on his family’s faces as he created yet another delicious meal . he became quite good at it , & despite how proud he was of his skills he felt alone in school . nobody understood what it was about cooking that made him feel so fulfilled , & despite his mother’s constant reassurance that it didn’t matter as long as he was happy , he distanced himself from the oven & focused on computer science instead . it didn’t provide the same form of contentment as cooking did , but it was enough to occupy his mind & make him fit in .

but it wasn’t all plain sailing , especially for the castillos . not long after matías’s fourteenth birthday , victoria was rushed in to hospital due to unexplained nose bleeds & weight loss , which both led to an incredibly low blood pressure & a worrying amount of dizziness . after hours worth of blood tests & different types of medical examinations , the family were faced with the distressing news that their beloved mother & wife was showing symptoms of acute leukemia . after more tests & scans were ran , the diagnosis was confirmed & the severity of the condition rattled the family as a whole , no more than matías . he spent hours locked away in his room , trying to come to terms with the the news while his mother received failing treatment . the leukemia had spread too far , reaching to her vital organs & they knew then that it was too late . on august the 21st , victoria castillo passed away with one final request to her son : take care of the family .

the castillos were overcome with grief , which each of them handled in their own way . the girls delved into their school work as a form of distraction . matías kept his promise & took care of the family . he cooked them meals , made sure his sisters were getting to school on time & made sure his father didn’t drown himself in the amount of alcohol he’d been consuming since the funeral . in little to no time at all , he became the man of the family despite only being a young teen in high school , but he tried his best however hard it was . their mother had managed to save up quite a collection of money for them throughout the years , but it didn’t take long for their father to make that disappear on what he would call ‘ necessities ’ that he’d hide from his children too quickly for them to have a good look . as suspicious as he was , matías knew he couldn’t spend too much time pondering over it because his father had quit his job , & they had no other form of income to see them through .

for a little while , the family were slowly sinking towards the way of poverty , & matías was struggling to find ways to provide for them . he tried cleaning windows , washing neighbours cars , but none of the money he earned could provide enough for a house of four . but he was a smart & determined kid , with knowledge way beyond his years & after trying & trying & trying , he found a solution . or more so , the solution found him . the solution being one of his classmates wanting unwarranted access to a friend’s phone . matías wasn’t a computer expert , but he knew his way around programs & after learning of his mother’s condition , he lashed out a little in school & managed to unlock certain websites that were previously banned from the school network . although the school board were quick to notice & shut down the sites again , they never found the culprit , but that didn’t mean the students had no idea who did it .

at first , matías declined . he had so much to worry about already that he did not need someone wanting to find out their friend’s personal information being on his shoulders . but once a good lump sum of money was brought to the table , he had no choice but to agree . after all , it was only one person , right ? if only that were true . after succeeding in gaining the information his classmate asked for , word got out & suddenly he had a whole list of people wanting him to access someone’s system for one reason or another . over time , he became quite good at it & earned a lot of money . money which his father used to pay for the debt his children didn’t know about . no matter how much he earned , through what he’d call his extra curricular activity , it would go in alejandro’s back pocket until he was waist height in debt that he had no choice but to admit where the money was really going . after all , matías had already spotted the bags of powder & pills his father had attempted to stash away , which he had skilfully ignored .

uncovering their father’s drug addiction caused a further rift between the family & matías decided he had had enough . after graduating high school , he had good enough grades to further his education & achieve his bachillerato certificate in food technology , pursuing his dream career & fulfilling his mother’s expectations of him . he even got a part time job working as waiter in the a nearby restaurant , telling himself that if he could keep this up for another couple of years , he’d be able to leave spain & his estranged family behind . he didn’t tell his father about his job , however . he used enough money to provide for the family but the rest was stored away somewhere safe for later use , & after he had earned his certificate , matías booked a flight & earned a place in an american university majoring in food tech & left his old life behind him without so much as a good bye .

for months , he had to swallow his guilt for leaving his family . after all , he made a promise to his mother & broke it by leaving his family in the thousands of euros of debt his father had landed them in . but he wasn’t happy ; matías wasn’t happy being branded as a castillo . he didn’t want to have any ties to his family so after a few months of living in the US , he decided to change his name . it took a lot of back & forth throwing of different names but after a while of deciding , he settled on avery ybarra . nobody would ever suspect he was a castillo with that name , or so , that’s what he was hoping for . living in a different country was refreshing ; he was free to do what he wanted to do & what he wanted to do was cook . but he needed to work up to the position he wanted . he already had experience as a waiter , so getting a job in that department was easy , but it was soon noticed that he was more than just taking orders & bringing out dishes . he’d often critique the food that was being sent out , which at first his boss found annoying until he realised that the customers were complaining of the same thing , & promoted avery to chef de partie as a roundsman .

his newly accounted role in the restaurant boosted sales , & his talent was noticed by many . so much so that his colleagues , well aware of his passion for food persuaded him to apply for hell’s kitchen’s 14th season . as reluctant as he was , he eventually applied & was accepted as one of the contestants . the competition was tough , but he battled through each challenge like a champion & gained a mass following on his instagram , if not for his youthful looks then it was his attitude in the kitchen . but eventually , on june the 9th 2015 , he was crowned the youngest winner of hell’s kitchen . after that , he worked closely with joël robuchon , a world renowned french chef who’s dishes avery was in awe of but he was also awarded a grand total of $250,000 to do with what he pleased . he planned to buy a nice home , a decent car & put some money to one side so he could eventually purchase his own restaurant . but his father had other words .

after his victorious win , avery ybarra was a name everyone knew . young , promising , & strikingly handsome , he was popular among many . but back home , his family still knew him as matías . so , in return for his family to not expose who he actually was , his father proposed a deal : pay off his debt , give them a comfortable amount of money to live with , & then they’d have nothing to do with him again . avery did not think it through too much . after all , how much debt could his father had gotten them into within such a short space of time ? his first mistake was underestimating his father’s addiction , & after paying off the debt & giving them a lump sum to spend in their bank accounts , he was left with next to nothing . avery felt sad , manipulated & above all betrayed . he never trusted his father to begin with , & there was a good reason why .

* here’s where his secret goes but let’s say he got a lot of money *

at first , avery didn’t know what to do with the money . he just needed enough to get him off his feet . but after time , he did everything he had planned before . he had his nice apartment , his luxurious car , started constructing own restraurant , & a pile of designer clothes that eventually were given to him by brands over time . his following on social media kept growing & brands kept coming to him to promote their products , & suddenly avery didn’t need to do what he used to to gain money any more . he started a youtube channel where he would teach people how to cook , a channel that soon hit off & earned him more money over time . eventually , he settled into his new profit & his new life as avery ybarra . he wasn’t matías castillo any more , & it about time the world knew about it .

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 .

due to the course his life took , avery has altered a lot through the years . when he was a child , he had a simplistic outlook on life & didn’t really take notice of a lot of things , mostly because he didn’t need to . now , avery is thoughtful . every decision he makes has to be well thought out before he can even consider carrying it out , mostly due to the fact that he doesn’t want to embarrass himself or come across as somebody who’s relatively useless . avery is also very critical of other people’s actions . he has this mindset where he believes he is superior to other people , & that often shines through in consistent eye rolling & only listening to half of what someone says before occupying his mind with something else . if he sees someone as being dull & boring , he’ll immediately shut off & act like they don’t exist because to him , they’re just wasting their time talking to him .

despite all this , however , avery is very humble about his career . he knows he’s a good cook ( after all , he won hell’s kitchen ! ) but he doesn’t let it get to his head . he knows he can be better & excel in it , so until he’s the best of the best , he’s not satisfied . he’s very ambitious & is not afraid to speak his mind if it means it’ll benefit him in some way . a lot of the time , he speaks his mind anyway . avery is a very outspoken individual , not afraid to voice his opinion no matter who agrees or disagrees . the fact of the matter is , he simply doesn’t care enough . people are generally irrelevant to him , especially if they serve no purpose in his life so it’s not uncommon for him to be rude & brash whenever he wants to be , even if it’s uncalled for . he doesn’t care about hurting other’s feelings , no matter the cost of it .

avery is also , despite popular belief , incredibly loyal . he’s not opposed to sleeping with strangers , but when he’s committed to something , he’s in it wholeheartedly until he loses interest or for whatever reason he can’t anymore . but , getting close to avery is very difficult . with him being a secretive individual , he tends to hide his thoughts & feelings so as a result , can come across as being quite fickle . he’s a man who knows what he wants in terms of his career & lifestyle , but in terms of everything else , he’s still not sure what exactly he’s searching for . he’s an aimless wanderer , meaning he travels a lot in order to gain more knowledge . be it in food or culture in general , avery is always keen to learn something new & bring it home to share with everyone else ( or those who he feels are deserving , that is ) .

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 .

𝖎 . 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 : avery isn’t the best at making friends but this person is the one avery is closest to . honestly , i imagine them to have the same dynamic as nick & schmidt from new girl ?? this person has probably seen a side to avery that very little people have seen before & is one of the only people he can relax around !

𝖎𝖎 . 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 / 𝐧𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐫 : listen ! these are my favourite sort of plots because i feel like they can be go in so many different directions & i just love them so much ?? i feel like with avery being such a difficult person to get along with , it’d be interesting to see how he’d live with / next to someone else ! brownie points if they just moved in & it’s all awks .

𝖎𝖎𝖎 . 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬 : ok hear me out ... avery can be quite insufferable & more often than not finds a way to bicker about anything & everything . anyway , these two pick fights about almost everything & as the tension builds up everything gets foggier the more angry they get then ... u Know how the story ends . ‘ this is the last time ’ they say ten million times .

𝖎𝖛 . 𝐩𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 : i don’t mean like justin & hailey ‘ let’s pretend we’re married ’ sorta vibes . imagine them going out on fake dates , been spotted out in public holding hands , whoever set them out to do this thought it was a brilliant idea but they might have different thoughts . brownie points if they hate each other . extra brownie points if they can’t tell anyone about it .

𝖛 . 𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 : god i literally love this connection so SO much . avery p much lost his siblings so give him SOMEONE to be protective over & care for ok i would DIE my heart is soft . let them be confiding watching comedy movies all day & fighting over who gets the remote . how sweet :’)

𝖛𝖎 . 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 : an iconic connection that Never gets old . these two do not get on , for whatever reason they go together like chalk & cheese & are always fighting about something . their interactions consist of them constantly wanting to one - up each other & it’s like a battle of who can win this time .

#promintro.#leukemia tw #death tw #drugs tw #alcohol tw #◟ 𝓪.𝔂. ┈ ´ › 𝐢’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒑. ╱ ooc.#i was gonna do an extra ass graph but i am ..... Lazy #anyway here we Are !! agdjgj #if u click where it says ‘excited’ there’s a surpris :)

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tube-thoughts-blog · 7 years

Text

tube thoughts vol. 5

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star- dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Hanna-Barbera present Hillbilly Bears - "Woodpecked" *To stop Maw from nagging his lazy ass, Paw hatches a plan that involves hooking two woodpeckers up, only it backfires, when their screwing reproduces.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "The Robot versus The Aztec Mummy" *Bring me the head of Montezuma, and make it snappy. MOOVVIIEE SIGGGGNNNNN!* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Scare Tactics: ---- *Gorilla with a Fist: A slacker goes apeshit during an animal rights activist holdup at a crazy testing lab.* 2 1/2 stars

Anger Mis-Management: Aggression therapy gone wrong.* 2 stars

Fear Antics - The Mandroid: An idiot is convinced to act like a robot and wishes he hadn't when a slow thinking human goes crazy with a crowbar.* 3 stars

World's Scariest Flowers/Smell of Fear: A stalker's special delivery.* 3 stars

----

I'm Alan Partridge: The Talented Mr. Alan *"I was repellant, to women, for two years."* 3 stars

The Prisoner -- 1967 - 1968 -- "Arrival" *A Brit spy awakens in a sickly serene and isolated village from which there is no escape or cerebral evasion.* 3 stars

Shock 'Em Dead (Traci Lords) *A pizza slicin', and always being picked on, poindexter succumbs to the temptation of glowing green goo voodoo in order to become a 'rock god' in a prissy 80's hair-band.* 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Judy Miller Come On Down *A bitchy yuppy's boulevard of boring dreams.* 1/2 a star *Gameshow good fortune forces a 'days of future past' visitation experience.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents J.J. Ambrams "Lost" (pilot episode) *"When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without, and zero stars for the vomit vision use of shaking camera

Hanna-Barbera present Jonny Quest: Arctic Splashdown *The team travel to the North Pole to play around with whales, seals, walruses, and the coca cola polar bears. They also try to stop a Ruskie submarine crew from tampering with a crashed, in the ice, rocket.* 3 stars

"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" *I was a stubborn human, refusing to give "Rise" a fair chance. I wanted humans, in ape costumes, acting ape. "Dawn" is smarter, and more well made, than any modern "Apes" movie has any right to be. Also, the scene where the villain ape rides horseback, through flames, firing twin machine-guns, during an all out ape-assault, on the human stronghold fortress is the most fun, and satisfying, thing that I've seen, in one of these "Apes" movies, since I first witnessed apes, on horseback, net a fleeing savage-human in the Charlton Heston' "Apes" classic.* 3 stars

Stargate -- Atlantis: "Rising" *Cracking through the ice to find the ancient city of the 'Gate Builders.' Genetically dialing into the unknown. Angels with ugly appetites.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Die, Zombie, Die... Again *Zombie Groundhog Day* 1 star

The Mothman Prophecies *An "It's A Wonderful Life" George Bailey type sad-sack goes chasing a shadowy figure through his own personal Unsolved Mysteries story.* 3 stars

Rifftrax presents "Paranormal Activity" 2007 *Uninspired. for the immature,'shock' end similar to those trick internet videos where a Linda Blair face pops up and screeches when you're staring at something bland for a while.so uncreative that it's more of a threat to the art of filmmaking than digital piracy.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Swamp Thing: Spirit of the Swamp *Green thumb for a black rose.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Challenge of the Wizards *A wacky race, on horseback and roadwarrior vehicles, through a destroyed sin city, for the prize of the ultimate wizard's helmet.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow: "Pink Cupcakes" *Small screen jealousy. Picnic poisoning attempt. Girl with a goober gynecological visit. Gay bar American Psycho. Strongman finger torture. Missing maid's daughter. Lobster Boy looking for true love. Morbidity fame dreams. More David Bowie.* 3 stars

Bob Clampett's "Beany and Cecil" 1962 *"Your obedient serpent" a cartoon dragon handpuppet searches for a treasure in goldfish, solves an illegal eagle's bald shame, and screws up looking after the taco bell dog. Complete with commercials for Chatty Cathy, Matty Mattel, and Casper dolls, along with a Beany toy helicopter hat, plus the kid from 'Lost in Space' gets his own Dick Tracy official snub-nose revolver and tommy-gun (so realistic, modern parents' groups would be up in arms, ha.)* 3 stars

Silent Hill: Revelation *Ned Stark, and his bastard, try to protect Alice from underland. Flawed, but a better frightmare than its cousin series, Resident Evil.* 2 stars

Dr. Caligari 1989 *New-Wave Psycho-Sexual DADA Expressionism* 3 stars

Max Headroom --pilot episode-- "Blipverts" *Network 23's hotshot reporter is serious about getting a story, even if the higher ups are willing to snuff him out to stop it. That story being that subliminal sales messages cause slovenly viewers to suddenly 'splode.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Mad Monster" *Long in the tooth, and low on thrills, tale of a lobo named Petro.* 2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

Amityville 2: The Possession *Building on burial ground. Basement from hell. Blasphemy. Bad ideas coming from the voice in the headphones. Big, mean daddy. Bad parenting. Beating the kids. Blessing a bloody bed. Bellybutton penetration. Body horror. Bad touch with sister. Blue confession. Black mood birthday. Bullets for loved ones. Batshit defense in court. Bureaucracy of the church. Boy saved by sacrifice. Being forsaken.* 3 stars

Heart She Hollers: And So It Begends *The "Boss" of a grotesque backwoods town tries to continue to micro-manage from beyond via a surreal video-will and his idiot son that he kept secretly bricked up until now.* 2 1/2 stars

"Born Innocent" (Linda Blair) *Cold, mechanical 'justice' for juveniles. Few caring influences. Peers that are jealous hurtful monsters. Disinterested or damaging parental figures. Yearning and underdeveloped 'wards' of whoever is forced to deal with them, and it's unfortunately a system drained of any constructive compassion or intelligent humanity.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: *Zombie Baby: The crew think they have a great idea, a zombie baby (rolls eyes). And they keep screwing up the gross birth scene and nervous kiss scene.* 1 star *Stunt-Double: The chubby mama's boy can't be thrown out of a window, so... a black guy has to take the plunge, instead.* 1 star

The Walking Dead: Self Help *Abraham scares people. He scares his family into fleeing from him, in a flashback, resulting in their deaths. He's about to commit suicide when he meets Eugene and finds his new purpose in life. Eugene needs to watch Abraham and Rosita have sex. He also needs people to believe he's smart. It's been tearing at him and he must confess his dark secret, but this might tear Abraham, and everyone else in the group, apart.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues --pilot episode-- "Station" *Happy go lucky until it gets heavy and hits with a hard left hook.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In: The New Kids *Two orphaned army brats go to live at their uncle's rundown carnival/petting zoo in backwoods Florida where a gang of good ole boys (lead by a creepy James Spader), who won't take no for an answer, decide to make their lives a living hell. Hicksploitation from the creator of the original Friday the 13th.*3stars

William Friedkin's "The Guardian" *A wood nymph (is that what she is?) who frolics & forest bathes nude. A killer tree, like from Evil Dead, that rips people apart. Fairytale like wolves devouring human flesh. Nice modern architectured home. Beautiful wind cinematography like an Andrei Tarkovsky film. Skinemax levels of eroticism. Hansel & Gretel. Hand That Rocked the Cradle. Jeep Wrangler to the rescue. A little ham-fisted. Fun gore fx.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: Legacy of Terror *For a year, Erik Estrada's character, PEPE, gets to hangout in a high-end hotel, play a flute, and be pawed over by beautiful blondes. That is if he willingly sacrifices his heart to an Aztec mummy. The fifth sacrifice in an every fifty two year ritual where the heroic are skewered so the blood god will someday rise again.* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Raimi's "Darkman" *Liam Neeson channels Lon Chaney & Boris Karloff doing Tex Avery & Chuck Jones cartoon stunts meets a macabre moody Bruce Timm & Paul Dini cartoon story in one of the first truly good comic style movies.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Corner of the Eye *A dying priest, suffering from demonic visions, is all out of bubblegum, and patience, with his alien overlords, even though they've given him a seemingly miraculous gift.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents: The Bermuda Triangle -1978- *"Annoying sounds and boring repeatitive visuals, Bermuda Triangle, you spoil me."* 3 stars with riffing 1 1/2 stars without

Adult Swim, Newsreaders: *Motorboating Dads: Bros give parental advice for sons.* 2 stars *The Negative $100,000 Question: Smug,unfunny Children's Hospital"celebrity."* zero stars

The Simpsons: Itchy & Scratchy *"So television is responsible!" For the problems with the youth, today, that is. Ahead of its time in pointing out how media protests groups are misguided, could be making better use of their time, and hypocritical. Though it doesn't go easy on the media, either, which is why shows like Simpsons & South Park can be such good satires.* 3 stars

"Wavelength" 1983 *Sublime, stranded and subdued Navi 'children' send out strong signals that they'd like to unobtain our stringent hospitality in this low fi sci fi forgotten classic.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Zombie Fun Run *The town asses (Thr33 Days Dead) organize a run-from-zombies-a-thon, and the town's assclown (Ben Farley) causes one of the town's jackass mascots (a mule statue) to get ran over, leading to the town's asshole authorities going out and catching Thr33 Days Dead with their pants down and their ass hanging out when they ask them to stop being a zombie pain in the ass all over town and ban them from filming in Jas(s)per.* 2 stars

Twin Peaks: The Path to the Black Lodge *"We are all God's fools, more or less, but you will learn, as I have, the value of hate."* 3 stars

Joseph Zito & Tom Savini present "The Prowler" 1981 --Veteran's Day Movie-- *I'll be seeing you in all the old, familiar places that this heart of mine embraces... I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be slashing you... and pitchforking too...* 3 stars

Chuck Jones' "Yankee Doodle Cricket" *Call it macaroni* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Peckinpah's "The Osterman Weekend" *A cynical, Cold War, conniving version of 'The Big Chill.'* 3 stars

"Thr33 Days Dead" (Why not two e letters instead of two of the number 3? It doesn't look 'cool' and it becomes possible to mistake the title for a 'The 33 Days Dead,' at a glance.) *Plague of the 'People of Walmart'* 2 1/2 stars (It's more entertaining than Birdemic) or 1 1/2 stars (It's almost as poorly made as Birdemic) ---(((this movie is just asking to be riffed by rifftrax)))---

Scare Tactics------------ season 2 episode 6 *: A plumber's helper stumbles onto (Silence of the Lamb's) Buffalo Bill's messy bathroom secret.* 3 stars

*: "Are you kidding me, bro?... WTF, bro?..." Late night, middle of nowhere, construction site, strange cult terrorizing a bro scenario.* 2 1/2 stars

*: "You got me trippin'... I watch 'shit' on t.v." A goofy girl gets going- going- gone, when Mummyhotep begins to step.* 2 1/2 stars

*: A telekinetic tween's tantrum.* 2 stars

----------------------------------------------------

X Files ---pilot episode--- *A logical, lady FBI agent gets assigned to keep tabs on the guy, in the basement, lurking in the unexplained phenomena cases.* 3 stars

Bizarre Foods -- Ireland: Ancient Bog Butter *Waxing poetic over 3,000 year old marsh gunk.* 2 1/2 stars

A Return to Salem's Lot --1987-- *Diverges, almost entirely, from the mood and suspense of Tobe Hooper's Salem's Lot. I don't even see this as being the same Salem's Lot setting as that first tv movie. That one was quirky, to an extent, but this one is really quirky. It's a Larry Cohen style (It Lives & The Stuff) 'American Gothic' fatherhood/son struggle and a secret society / corrupt small town stake to the heart of a movie. Featuring a young Tara Reid as a Lucy Westerena type, an old bitter Jewish man as a nazi hunter turned Van Helsing, and a cultural anthropologist who ironically has to try to destroy one of the oldest fabled civilizations.* I give it between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Blood Wind *A mason jar filled with murderous moonshine mist that puts everyone in a killer rage. Mr.Butterfingers, Swamp Thing, accidentally lets the lid off of it to hilarious results. The craziest, best episode yet.* 3 stars

Farscape: DNA Mad Scientist *On a rock, covered with giant dinosaur bones, floating in a cold corner of space, a grotesque menagerie of lab workers now serve one of their experiments gone wrong. A stilt stepping, kinky outfit wearing, feline-esque Dr. Frankenstein seeks out all the best traits of every living creature, in the known universe, in order to further advance its own twisted evolution.* 3 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: Love and Power *The speculative power of computer systems versus the supreme success of global forces like the Chinese. The desires of self superior people like Ayn Rand versus the so called weak and in need. Also, for some reason, a lot of looking back at Monica Lewinsky on her knees.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Asylum -- "Welcome to Briarcliff" *There are none so blind as those who will not willingly receive electroshock treatment and give morning confessional.* 2 1/2 stars

Bob & Margaret: A Tale of Two Dentists *Neglecting needs of his customers and wife leads to Bob losing them both, and both being diddled by a bogus dentist & real looney known by the alias Harry Ramsbottom.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: "The Colour of Alan" *"I am happy. That may vwwewy wewwl be because I'm on morphine."* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Episode 5 *A shaken teen girl, from Sin City, is seeing the scarred and strangled spirit, of a San Antonio teen girl, who died around the same age as she is during the paranormal state investigation of the situation.* 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's 'Kingdom Hospital' season 1 episode 2 *"Inside the skull is another universe. The strangest, scariest haunted house of them all." Or in Lars Von Trier's and Stephen King's cases, a silly sausage factory featuring surgeons with unzipped flys, creepy ice cream man demons, aardvark assassins, and candle light dinners in the morgue.* 3 stars

--- Hanna-Barbera --- Hillbilly Bears: "Modern Inconvenience" *Paw gets mangled by Maw's flirtation with the new-fangled.* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Valley of the Man-Apes *To protect the village of the Lollipop Guild, a group of stinky simians must be stopped from reassembling an abandoned movie studio's animatronic King Kong.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's 'Drive-In Theater' presents "The First Power" *Another dime-a-dozen body hopping demonic serial killer thriller. Lou Diamond Phillips' idea of playing a hardboiled detective is to pass an unlit cigarette between his lips and his fingers, constantly, and to wear a heavy, black trenchcoat, during the heat of the day, in downtown Los Angeles. The Richard Ramirez type, "Pentagram Killer," has satanic powers of a super human variety. Also, a lot of side characters' stunt doubles doing unintentionally comedic acrobatics and kicks to the groin.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Women of the Prehistoric Planet *Time paradoxes. Stereotype sneaky "Japs." Toasted thunder-lizard. Rubber snake attack. Tropical set design studio setting. Rodney Dangerfield wannabe comic relief. Death by "plush toy" hopping spider on a wire. A boy, 'all alone,' named Tang. Blue Lagoon romance picnic. Red hiney monkey. Racist astronaut shoots the first minority he sees. Feel good ending where the two minority lovebirds are abandoned, by the spaceship, on a paradise planet, with an extremely active volcano and killer cavemen.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star w/out

Hanna-Barbera -- Jonny Quest: The Curse of Anubis *Hadji's Hindu whack a mole magic, flute serpent charming, and Jonny's motorscooter camel-jockey skills help stop a doomed thief from uniting the Arab world against the West via insinuation involving iconography and superstition.* 3 stars

Sam Raimi's "The Quick and the Dead" *Vengeance is mine, said the Lady to the Lord. A Sharon Stone western shouldn't work, but it does.* 3 stars

Space Rage: Breakout on Prison Planet --1985-- *There aren't any spaceships firing at each other in asteroid storms, though there is a arcade asteroids machine in a bar. This is a space frontier, corrupt penal/mining colony western. There are no laser blasters, only traditional western handguns, shotguns, and rifles. Replacing spaceships are dunebuggies. Replacing an otherworldly planet is the California desert. There's a great, constantly playing, punk-western soundtrack, and Richard Farnsworth, Michael Pare, and John Laughlin are badass as usual.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Sympathy for the Devil *Harmonica playing, mystical gem having, ageless child of evil -who needs to be and deep down wants to be put at rest.* 3 stars

Transformers: Fire in the Sky *Christmas/New-Ice-Age in July, when the Decepticon grinches try to turn the earth's core into a cold day in hell. Luckily for earth and the Autobots, an unfrozen, gigantic robot makes the right decision and sacrifices itself for its love of science and all creatures, including humanity.* 3 stars

South Park: The Magic Bush *"Jennifer Lawrence's butthole didn't take a picture of itself."* 2 1/2 stars

Comic Book Men: Brony Con *Grumpy forty-something comic nerds attempt a Vaudeville two-man horse act at a convention for twenty-something male hipster fans of a little girls' pony cartoon.* 2 stars

Adult Swim ==off-the-air== "Seramthgin" *Nightmarishly surreal art video garbage played, mostly, in reverse.* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Going Nuclear *Citizen Z's paddle ball dexterity. Mt. Rushmore defaced. Glow in the dark zombies. Stealth until a zombie alert fart. Radiation sickness. Stopping a nuclear meltdown in the Black Hills. Twirling, Donatello-esque ninja staff that's actually a really long handled hoe. Hazmat suits & ammo. Radio controlled drone robot named Robbie who has a lazer cutter for mowing down zombies. Fueling up on vodka. Fleeing from fallout in a small aircraft and of course crashing. Citizen Z 'checks' zombiepedia (lame joke.) Zombie sign language? Murphy wearing a little girls' pink & cute spikes backpack. Zombie puppy love. What really is mercy?* 3 stars

--- Paul W.S. Anderson's "Soldier" starring Kurt Russell

*Thematically like Stallone's 'First Blood' mixed with Terminator 2 and other outerspace and post-apocalyptic genre movies.

Finger painted in the most broad, obvious, hack ways possible.

Supersoldier has never seen a pretty lady, so he daydreams about the one time he saw her nipples under her shirt.

Supersoldier is suffering ptsd, so he freaks out over Santa at Christmas party.

Supersoldier doesn't know how to deal with kids, so he tries to teach a kid to bash a poisonous snake's brains out.

Supersoldier is feeling sad for the very first time, so we zoom in close up on a tear streaming down his face.

Supersoldiers need to be tested, American Gladiator competition is orchestrated.

Married couple is getting romantic on a planet with limited supplies and garbage everywhere, hundreds of lit candles love scene.

Thin mustached military commander villain's gotcha moment is pissing down his pants leg in fear...*

1 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Stepfather" *There were no real Freddy Kruegers running around in suburbia, in the 80s, but there were actually psychos like this. A Fox News fan type dad is a little too into 50s era family "perfection," and when things don't go his way, he heads down to the basement to beat on his workbench with a hammer, and when he can't take it anymore, he heads upstairs and bangs on the family with the hammer. When he's done there, he catfishes the "perfect" next family.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Cupid's Quiver *When you're skeezy, it's love made easy. The poor, wretched bastard, in this one, oozes, and then drips desperation from his every pore.* 3 stars

ABC's Selfie: A Little Yelp From My Friends *I expected this to be another obnoxious sitcom like Big Bang Theory or 2 Broke Girls, but it's more like Ally McBeal. A real bait and switch. The topic as it has been thrown out there in the media would make one think it would be about a total social media whore with constant references to current social pop culture, but it's really more of a show about a pathetic weirdo and her bizarre, unsocial behavior, and the one genuine person (Harold from Harold & Kumar) who actually cares about helping her cross that bridge back into the real world.* 2 1/2 stars

E! Total Divas: The Double Cross *One diva trades her vibrator for a date with an NFL hunk. Another diva gets jealous when her man's (pro wrestler John Cena) ass is going to be shown in a movie love scene. Also, at a movie premier for a comedy flick, starring the twin divas, the big muscled pro-wrestler puts on a blue monkey suit, and the butt and breast implant diva, along with her man, sit stoned-faced during a supposedly funny scene. Odd and insipid reality show trash.* zero stars

MTV's True Life: I Have A Strange Phobia *One Italian-American young man can't even pee in a public restroom. He has to get in his car, get on the freeway, and drive all the way home and scrub the toilet with cleaner and antibacterial products before the act. (Why not pee outside, in public, behind a dumpster or building or car? It's not really polite behavior, but it would save the trouble of going home and cleaning. And, why not just aim really well when you pee at home or not care if you pee on the seat?) The next, unfortunate, case is about a young woman who is deathly afraid of pigeons. I think there's some other attention issues there, or maybe a bit of deceit going on where the girl just wanted to get on MTV.* 2 stars

American Horror Story -- Murder House -- "Murder House" *As much a love letter to true crime history of Los Angeles as it is a ghost story. And the haunted people and haunts themselves have more personality and poignancy than most ghost stories.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Under the Bed *A child psychologist struggles with a cryptozoology related child abduction.* 2 1/2 stars

The Walking Dead: Consumed *Getting the drop on crash test dummies.* 3 stars

Adult Swim --fake infomercials-- "Smart Pipe" *Taking smartphone app use to its inevitable pinnacle by having the waste management of the world's pipes turned into an opportunity to scan shit and then use that information to in turn sale more shit to the masses.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Sheriff-in-Law *Daddy don't come around here anymore, and we're all glad he doesn't.*3 stars

MTV's "Slednecks" episode b (b because the "writers" were lazy) *Bros go Go-Go dancing. 4 wheel drive pickup truck versus airboat in a tug o war match. Drunk skanks pissing in the snow. Feeding buttered toast to the wildlife. Tundra wookies at tha club. You know, typical Alaska stuff. Saddening that this kind of stupidity is going on in one of the last frontiers. I've never more wanted a moose to kill someone since back in the day when Fox would air those 'When Animals Attack' videos.* zero stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow -- "Bullseye" *Desert butterflies* 2 1/2 stars

Game of Thrones --Season 3-- Episode 2-- *Lions, piggies, crows, wolves, and a hound.* 3 stars

USA network's --Chrisley Knows Best-- "Jugs and Ammo" *Boob cake for 100 dollars. Boob job for your daughter 30,000 dollars. Protecting your sixteen year old beauty pageant girl's "vag of honor" untold dollars. Making your redneck son-in-law uncomfortable because he thinks that you're a closet homosexual is priceless.* either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

Animal Planet's --Finding Bigfoot-- "Turtleman's Bigfoot" *for some unknown reason, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and 30 Rock's "Bobo" travel to Kentucky to holler hunt a primate with Jim Varney's nephew Ernie the "Turtle Man."* 2 stars

rifftrax presents The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers *Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

Adult Swim -- "Too Many Cooks" *Never ending 80s tv theme song intro video parody turned massacre.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Knightly Murders *Balefully back, from the Black Ages, with a big axe to grind.* 2 1/2 stars

Gargoyles: Temptation *Goliath's former piece-of-tail tries to put him back under her spell.* 3 stars

Stargate --Atlantis-- "Hide and Seek" *You're not yourself when you're hungry, or an energy entity. Eat a Snickers, and be like Doug Flutie.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Babadook" *Illustrating one's insecurities into isolation, insomnia, and insanity.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Saturday Night Special *Yuppy dating schemes and dreams come apart at the seams.* 1 1/2 stars *Springwood beautification project leaves a plain jane feeling numb.* 2 stars

South Park: Freemium isn't Free *Temptation. Addiction. Boring Gaming. Gambling. Micro-Transactions. Trendy drinking. Denial drinking. Pussy advertising. The Prince of Canada. The Canadian Devil.* 2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Loved to Death *More than a minute of seeing man-sized-shaped Mariel Hemingway in lingerie is like an eternity in hell.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In presents "Night Angel" *So bad it's good, succubus-slasher softcore-skinemax-style flick.* 1 1/2 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Courtin' Disaster *Haltin' hatin' the Hoppers, like they's was Hatfields, in hopes of havin' Hottiebear hitched.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics --Season 2-- episode 7 *Meat locker scab wishes he hadn't swept the salt off the floor after he meets the one armed mangler who had the job before.* 2 stars *"Pretty big, probably around 5 foot 9 or 6 foot 2" webcam show babehouse psycho slasher that ruins a horny, dumb guy's first night on the peep job.* 3-stars *Digging a hole, in the desert, for a lazy mobster.* 2 stars *Poltergeist -heather o'rourke- style closet scare* 2 1/2 stars

Paranormal State season 1 episode 6 *This haunted place is for the dogs...* 3 stars

"Intruders" CBS 1992 *Abductee: I was taken aboard a spaceship, by little grey men, and experimented on. / Psychologist: No, you were molested, in a barn, by your cousin.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow -- "Test of Strength" *"Come as you are" as ruined by the folks from GLEE. Strong Man vs. Amazon Lady. You're my dad, dad. Earl (Dell) had to die - Carnival Dixie Chix. Two-Headed blackmail. Dreadful Penny. Penny's dreadful dad. Tattoo nightmare. Dandy not feeling dandy. Surgeon suicide. Blonde ambition makeover.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Hand *"Eat, drink, and be merry. Tomorrow, you die." Then, it's all fingerwalking on the darkside, you dig?* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

Jonny Quest: Pursuit of the Po-Ho *Lost tribe lunar sacrifice lunacy.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Grotesquery *A case of toxic swamp ass lands ST in a two-bit big top, where it's all soggy tater chips and being caged while being poked with a stick with the rest of the misbegotten misfits.* 2 stars

"The Shuttered Room" 1967 *Hostile Arkham homecoming. Where the isolated islanders hold strong to ignorant superstition, when they're not trying to tear someone to shreds.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Sisters of Mercy *Survivors of a Utah Mormon "sisters wives" style society form a militant lesbian ladies only cult. No "Ah, not the bees!" moment or bearsuit disguise, but similar to Nic Cage's predicament. Story focuses on the two least interesting characters, the crazy redhead chick and her wannabe boyfriend, and not enough Murphy moments, though his getting "pie" scene is hilarious. False advertisement with the unfortunately underused zombie bear. I was hoping that it would maul the Sisters of Mercy.* 2 stars

Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead *A Home Alone orphan vigilante brat and a Grace Jones / Pam Grier -esque kung fu sista join Reggie to fight Return of the Living Dead style zombies with attitude. The actors playing Mike & Jody almost seem out of place in their own series, but Reggie excels in a more Sam Raimi plus Bruce Campbell horror-comedy environment. I think I figured out who the Tall Man is supposed to represent, Sam Walton, the founder of WalMart.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Stalker from the Stars *It twas a simple sinus sniffle twitch kill't the strigoli at that snowy eskimo carnival.* 3 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Heavy Metal Queen *ride the lightning and chase the thunder with a prairie oyster.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: The Chimes of Big Ben *There's not enough hours in the day to sail away. So, pick up a required hobby.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Rakers *Taking a stand against mindless television violence with a sport of "refined aggression." Risking everything professionally for a personal bond of obligation with an estranged and wreckless loved one.* 2 1/2 stars

Larry Cohen's "The Ambulance" 1990 starring Eric Roberts *A sinister old school style ambulance stalks the streets of NYC picking up sick people and then not taking them to the hospital but instead to an insane doctor who experiments on them and sells them to shady medical labs. Spooky.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Adult Swim's "Sit Down and Shut Up" --pilot episode-- *animated with the whimsy of nickelodeon or cartoon network kids cartoons but with the right amount of offensive humor for the slacker 3am audience.* 2 stars

SyFy's "Ascension" --preview-- 'Building the World' *Nice to see SyFy actually spending some money on a show's elaborate production.* 3 stars

CMT's "Redneck Island" Dec 2014 -season preview-

with host "Stone Cold" Steve Austin *"I wouldn't even introduce you to my dawg! MY DAWG, YA HEAR!"* 1 star

Hill Street Blues: Presidential Fever *A matter of pride. Two partners struggle with the distance between each other after being shot on duty. An undercover gets 'ruff' with rape suspects. Lady attorney holds her own with police chief lover. Gangleaders precinct meeting to hold a truce during Presidential visit. NYPD Blue's David Caruso as a top-hat wearing Irish gangbanger. Hick cop hassles the wrong barrio & almost goes vigilante to heal a wounded ego.* 3 stars

"Open House" 1987 starring Adrienne Barbeau *John Tesh is trying to reason with a rabid dog when Charles Bronson walks up and shoots it between the ears. Los Angeles, the land of broken dreams. there's only so many options for the down on their luck to vent. one is to call in crazy to the talk radio stations. another is to act like an obnoxious slob. then, there's the nutbags who'd like to find absurdly creative ways to kill the chippy sales people of that broken dream.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Eye *Slight fever in the Swiss Alps, with cyclops brainball tentacle aliens who like things frigid and hate telepaths.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

X Files: Deep Throat *Aim high, in the Air Force, and be an alien spacecraft test pilot. Side effects may not be worth it. It's 2 the xtreme, says 90s stoner, Seth Green.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Dark Matters *Melodramatic ghost brother space catastrophe* 2 stars

Michael Crichton's "Runaway" 1984 starring Tom Selleck *Jargon, jargon, household robots gone haywire. Jargon, jargon, science dept. mustache cop. Jargon, jargon, spider assassin robots. Jargon, jargon, Gene Simmons techno-terrorist. Jargon, jargon, magic heat-seeking bullets. Jargon, jargon, vertigo-tinged thriller climax.* 2 1/2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Steel and Lace" *Willard's Bruce Davison creates a cyborg out of his sister, Shannon Tweed (Gene Simmons' long-time girlfriend), years after her suicide resulting from a non-conviction for a group of corporate buddies who raped her in an alley. The sexy cyborg seduces then performs gruesome fatalities on the slimeballs.* stars 2 1/2

Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper *Freddy turns the twin daughters, of the cop who was a thorn in his side in life, against each other.* 2 stars *Freddy is determined to make one of the twins an only child.* 2 1/2 stars

Hammer Films' "Vampire Circus" 1972 *A morose quarantine livened with a sanguinary shadow puppet sex show.* stars 3

American Horror Story -Asylum- "Tricks and Treats" *Sticky caramel on the mossy banks of a Stygian river.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Brave Alan *"The worth of boast worlds."* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: A Night In *Boring and barren, but better off than the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: The Use and Abuse of Vegetational Concepts *make like a tree and be a leaf / a cog in the machine or don't because it's a false belief.* 3 stars

"Dreamscape" 1984 *David Patrick Kelly is a creepier dream demon than Robert Englund.* 3 stars

South Park: Grounded Vindaloop *The boys try to figure out which one of them is actually stuck in virtual reality limbo. Real world Butters is cutely portrayed.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Hybrid to Hell *"Hawt Rawkin' Santy Claus in a bubble globe."* 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Natural Enemy *ST beats science to the punch, when he swats and splats Beelzebub.* 2 stars

--- Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 9

*Party van fails to take police warning and runs into vampire bikers on a desert highway.* 3 stars

*Hysterical hissie over a hybrid dwarf-critter.* 3 stars

*"You ever step on a landmine, before?" nervous and shaken response "Nah, I'm from Cleveland." 2 1/2 stars

*The show's new host, a Baldwin brother, is traumatized when he's not recognized after shedding the disguise of a scary mob boss.*

1 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 7 *A cemetery caretaker stews and his wife claims to suffer after sticking in a hole, and covering with cement, an urn of unclaimed cremated remains that had sat on their shelf for years.* 2 stars

Insidious: Chapter 2 *That's not my husband. That's the spirit of a crossdressing serial killer. Again with the Ed Gein/Norman Bates mommy issues killer and somehow crossed with the crazy killer dad -like the Shining. Also, I could do without the lame antics and shaking camera ghosthunting of the two paranormal hipster nerds. Still, I very much enjoy the eerie astral projection limbo world.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: A Cup of Time *Old age is wasting the youth, when youth aren't wise enough not to drink from its cup.* 2 stars

The Walking Dead: Crossed *Rick Grimes used to be a cop. Emphasis on used to be. Now, he's cold blooded. Come to think of it, then again...* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Halloween" *"find my nest of salt, everything is my fault... choking on the ashes of our enemies..."* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Dead Right *It's a given that grotesque Jeffrey Tambor will gore gorgeous gold-digger Demi Moore.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Corpse Vanishes *"A cockeyed nightmare or a nighteyed cockmare?!"* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Tex Avery's "Jerky Turkey" 1945 *"Don't eat at Joe's"* 2 1/2 stars

"Thankskilling" 2009 *"No more pumpkin pie, no more cranberry sauce, just turkey..."* 1 star

Twin Peaks: Miss Twin Peaks *Which way to the castle? Where there's a key, there's always a lock. Fear and love open the door.* 3 stars

"Dreamchild" 1985 (with Jim Henson creature shop puppetry) *Ian Holm makes a better Jack from the Titanic, for Alice in Wonderland's elderly Alice, than Leo DiCaprio ever could. Also, Peter Gallagher is certainly more charming than Billy Zane. He's more of a sly weasel too.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones -Season 3 -episode 3 *"In the grave, there are no masters."* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Posed for Murder"

with special guest host Elvira *A generic softcore thriller about an adult magazine centerfold being stalked by a psychotic motorcycle glove and every meathead who wants to screw her. It's one of those bad movies where the lyrics of the songs, playing throughout, sync up with the on screen stupidity.* 1 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Cutting Cards *Compulsive rivals go head to head til the last stump standing.* 2 1/2 stars

"Paradise" 1982 *A very Biblical man, Willie Aames, watches his parents get murdered by bandits, then flees and gets stranded with a beautiful maiden, Phoebe Cates, in a desert/tropical oasis where he sneaks peeks at her sinful nudity, tries to keep a chimpanzee from self pleasuring, destroys dirty medical texts, and tries to keep an Arab jackal from stealing his woman and deflowering her.* 2 stars

Farscape: They've Got A Secret *Space whale calf care is killing the crew, and crossbreeding with the empire's clone troopers is strictly forbidden and must remain emotionally hidden.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Waltz for Venus *Lacking one quality but heightening another's fluidity.* 3 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Stranger than Friction *monkeying around with hospitality can get ya head blown't off* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Murphy's Law *Every ridiculous thing this show tries to do somehow works. Drug addicted zombies, check. Viagra sex zombies, check. Murphy having telepathic control over the infected, check. The most surprisingly effective show of the year. Each new episode is something new. Rarely boring or stagnant in an all too boring and stagnant apocalyptic / zombie / survival horror genre.* 2 1/2 stars

"Walking Tall" 1973 *Landmark hicksploitation with Buford on par with Leatherface in terms of legend. A yarn that satisfies in its visceral exaltation of justice, while still having enough subtext about the road of revenge being a ragged one.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Youth Killer *sucking the life out of the singles scene* 3 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear presents

"Fright Night" 1980s version -------------------------------

*Necking with your girl while watching late night vampire horror hosted by a faux vampire slayer from such movies.

USA network has the world's hottest show 'Baywatch' five nights a week.

For the girls of paradise call 431 Girl at 2.50$ a minute.

Psychic Talk USA... are you astounded?

La Femme Nikita, Sunday Nights on USA the cure for the common show and the common boner.

Has your neighbor committed homicide? this horror obsessed kid thinks so.

Having a horrific mental breakdown? don't turn to the town Beavis for understanding.

99cent psychic encounters. It sounds dangerous. But damn affordable. 800 Predict. I predict that if you call, you'll be out 99cents.

Rhonda is at her wedding reception, where she's trying out two potential hubbies. One is a morose long haired artsy guy and the other is a big, fat cowboy with his big, fat mama who thinks that Rhonda has child bearing hips enough to produce fifteen younguns

"Someone knows their secret." I Know What You Did Last Summer, now playing in theaters everywhere.

back to the ‘’up all nite’’ movie,

the fearless vampire slayer gets fired from his job and vents on his hatred for 80s slasher monsters like Jason.

Apparently vampires yawn in the evening and are groggy when they take phone calls.

Stephen King's "Thinner" available now at videostores everywhere.

You never thought it possible, the Motorola Wordline Pager with streaming text updates in the palm of your hand in black and grey text. It will never get more advanced than this, says the 90s business professional yuppy.

No rules, no ring, no exit, and not place to hide 'Fighting Force' for the playstation.

The legend is here, the time is now, Chuck Norris is Walker Texas Ranger, weeknights on USA.

I'm all alone pick up the phone, sluts are standing by on another phone sex commercial.

Macho Man says REST IN PEACE and SNAP INTO A Slim Jim, OH YEAH! Halloween Havoc, Dig it!

Peter Vincent is like the Alan Partridge of the occult.

What do you do when a David Bowie type douche wants to do your girlfriend?

Hollywood's hottest stuntmen use bodyheat activated degree deodorant.

USA's Sunday Night Heat with Pacific Blue, Silk Stalkings, and The Big Easy. Turn it on and turn it up.

I miss sleazy USA network programming.

Magic the Gathering, all you need is a brain, a deck, and a friend, and an intact virginity.

Rhonda is a runaway bride when she realizes she doesn't have to be married to shop.*

3 stars

-----------------------------------------

Gargoyles: Deadly Force *"Movies, television, videogames...(sigh) it's hard to tell what's real anymore." A lesson about how our culture ignores the real drama of the consequences of gunplay.* 3 stars

Stargate - Atlantis - "Thirty Eight Minutes" *The perils of dealing with stubborn parasites, wormhole constipations, lifeboat malfunctions, and bruised egos.* 3 stars

Stephen King's "Kingdom Hospital" -season 1 -episode 3 *Solid cold oldies* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The Conversion *The future's not ours, you see...* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Body Banks *Eternal sunshine of the sober mind that refuses to sell out to corporate swine who think they can harvest the poor & healthy in order to buy more time.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: 'Til Death *Fated to the fetid* 2 stars

Swamp Thing: Treasure *Little Jim has a long lost relative dying on his bathroom floor, a Swamp Thing trapped in his attic unable to sneak away, and an evil blonde beauty who wants to shoot him, or his mom, with a small pistol -if he doesn't cough up the location of stolen money hidden in a junkpile out in the swamp.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Riddle of the Gold *The smite of the tiger.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 10 -------------------

*Cleaning the ham bones out of a creep's croc pond.* 2 1/2 stars

*Maids stumble onto a bloody, and active, crime scene.* 2 stars

*A ladies man looks at the wrong farmer's naked daughter.* 3 stars

*Carny folk forget and leave a horned dwarf troll in the walls of a rental home.* 2 1/2 stars

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Roger Corman presents "Streets" 1990 *For skid row kids, like Christina Applegate's homeless teenage prostitute character, it's a symbiotic game of staying ahead, and also in reach, of their constant pursuers and abusers, but sometimes the bleak circumstances highlighting the literal dead ends make it even more painful if a glimmer of hope happens to also be there.* 3 stars

American Horror Story - Asylum - "Nor'Easter" *Pontius Pilate wept at the end of E.T.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 8 *Remodeling the home of a early 20th century sawbones stirs spirits.* 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: Blood, Sweat, and Tears *stretching thinly to feel the burn and avoid the fine line of permanent injury in the process of healthy activity and friendly civility* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Never Say Alan Again *pass the Sunny D and STOP TALKING ABOUT AMERICAN THINGS!* 3 stars

X Files: Squeeze *Spooky versus mutie (aka mutant).* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: The Coda *Rick Grimes drives a hard bargain, but compromises and evasively dangerous behavioral maneuvers, of others involved, put everyone back on the road of loss.* 3 stars

House 3: The Horror Show -1989- *"An electricity of evil." Lance Henriksen is a straight current running parallel to an unsteady moronic shocker.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Mother's Day *You gotta fight or flight for your right to party with Fredddy.* 2 1/2 stars *Weepy Wendy can't get any affectionate attention from her radio shrink mom, a seriously Selfish Sherry.* 2 1/2 stars

Ultimate Scooters: Featuring the Hot Wheels Shocker -2000- *Video time capsule documenting how turn of the 21st century bro-men took to the streets, with tots, riding toy scooters.* 1 star

Popeye the Sailor Man: ----------

*Me Musical Nephews: Runts rockabye a restless Popeye.* headache inducing zero stars

*Spooky Swabs: Ghostly mutiny.* 3 stars

*Patriotic Popeye: Safe n' sane U.S. n' A. holiday or party explosives?* 2 stars

*Ancient Fistory: Disney Princess Cinderfella Queer Eye for the Popeye.* 2 stars

*Taxi-Turvy: Scat cab skidoo.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------

Fleischer Studios presents Betty Boop: -------------------------

*Betty Boop's Crazy Inventions: Spunky sales pitch for quirky products.* 3 stars

*and the Little King: Calamity Betty* 2 1/2 stars

*Pudgy in Ding Dong Doggie: Hot doggy, Betty spank.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grampy in the Candid Candidate: Mayoral mishap calls for thinking cap.* 2 1/2 stars

*Language All My Own: Betty is super kawaii in the land of the rising sun.* 2 stars

*Grampy's Indoor Outing: homemade carnival play on a rainy day.* 2 1/2 stars

*Little Nobody: Stuck up pup and a blue ribbon baywatch doggy strut.* 2 1/2 stars

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Adult Swim --off the air-- "Worship" *vacation bible surreal* 2 stars

Squidbillies 96: How did my worm get in your taco? *Early en Espanol, an all american buttthole.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: The Bathroom Boys *Dragging the viewer into the toilet with the non-humor painful shits & giggles of Tim, Eric, Zach Galifianakis and surprise guest, the beautiful, cleaned, and dolled up Maggie from the Walking Dead.* between zero and 1 star

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Portal into Time *Apple 2 defender of the Alamo. Beastmaster 2 culture shock. Thundarr, Ariel, Ookla are Earth's mightiest Avengers. Volkswagen Beetle dragon. Ookla, a cookie monster. An escalator can never be broken, it can only become stairs, so said Mitch Hedberg. Terminator 2 style skynet tech heist. Finally, a first ever victory at the Alamo.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Politics as Usual *Bribery. blackmail. backstabbing. bargaining courts. boo-hooing. barking like a dog. busted. buttcheeks and butthole search. bathing lovemaking. break up.* 3 stars

Burn, Baby, Burn: Riots and Violence in the Modern World *unabashed ugliness* 1 star

Victor Salva's "The Nature of the Beast" 1995 starring Lance Henriksen & Eric Roberts-- *A serial killer plus a casino riches thief, both on the run, find homogeneity on a lost stretch of desert highway.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 9 *a spirit is shattering and nudging (the babypowder test, "thrilling") wine glasses in a, struggling to survive, sports bar.* 1/2 a star

The Outer Limits: Quality of Mercy *Hogan's Heroes meets Enemy Mine with an M. Night twist.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Jamming with Edward *A self activated spy sattelite is sad & lonely and so is a spunky hacker.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: New Acquaintance *Jim brings home a misunderstood stray, and ST resurrects a rabbit.* 2 1/2 stars

Shaw Brothers: Iron Chain Fighter (aka Assassin) *There are no bonds that chop sockey can't break.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: -season 3 -episode 4 *Climbing and falling. Losing a hand. Handing over a legacy. Protecting the virtue of an innocent. Hungering for insurrection. Dispensing the light of justice. Burning a path for freedom.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: HELLOWE'EEN *The awful uncle seeks offal flesh to slip into back to life.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Three's A Crowd *cuckold anniversary surprise* 3 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Piggy Piggy" *Growing pains. Raw brains. Oinking angst.* 2 1/2 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: "The Monkey in the Machine and the Machine in the Monkey" *We humans are something like a phenomenon or perhaps maybe an automaton.* 3 stars

"Beyond the Black Rainbow" --2010-- *Timothy Leary has gone too far this time.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics: season 2 -episode 11 ---------------

*Family killer in a scarecrow disguise puts a young carpenter in concern.* 2 stars

*Gold chain necklace wearing "Dr. Jeff" doesn't want his "molecules heated up" in a mad scientist's The Fly -esque matter transport experiment.* 2 1/2 stars

*A greaseball is hired to clean up "red wine" stains for a Sopranos sausage and refuses to wear a wire for an undercover sting.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fear Antics: A wannabe actor, in a slasher prank, gets pushed over the edge.* 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State: Season 1 -episode 10 *A Native American coyote spirit / chaos critter is an unwanted housepest, for a rural Maine mom & visiting daughter, when its vortex in the backyard is disturbed. So, the team calls in some Native elders to do a ritual at the rocks around a hole on the property, and Christian psychic medium Chip Coffey tells the howling haunt to hit the road.* 2 1/2 stars

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chaoswillfallrpg · 4 years

Photo

DECIUS FLINT is THIRTY YEARS OLD and a SOCIALITE amongst THE SACRED TWENTY-EIGHT in LONDON. He looks remarkably like JOSH O’CONNOR and considers herself NEUTRAL . He is currently OPEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

A member of one of the hallowed Sacred Twenty-Eight families Decius has been raised in the knowledge the world was always to be his oyster and anything he wanted was only a mere spell or a command away. One of the most eligible bachelors in the wizarding world, his father DIONYSUS FLINT had prepared him for the day he would become head of the Flint household for as long as he could remember. The Flint family held their name in high regard, only marrying those they believed to be of equal standing in society and maintained a pure bloodline for centuries past. Decius’ mother LOTTE KRAUSE was a Danish witch, marrying into their family and blessing them with her grace and beauty. Dionysus flint was quite sure of what he wanted out of his family. A son to carry on their name and a daughter who would bring their family great joy and of whom they could be proud of and would strengthen their family name. When both Decius and his younger sister ROSALIE were both, Dionysus believed he had gotten his wish. Both children had inherited their father’s dark beauty with the deep blue eyes of their mother which lulled both their parents, and anyone else who came into contact with them, to give them whatever their heart desired. Decius spent his childhood commanding the halls of his family home in Berkshire and the master of the east wing, which he moved into when he was five to begin his schooling.

The Flint home was a cold one due to the history and traditions of the family which upheld academic achievements and sporting ability sometimes at the detriment of warmth and familial love. Growing up Decius never truly felt close with his parents, what motherly instincts his mother had were quickly stamped out by his father, who feared Decius would grow soft if his mother had too much control over the way he was raised. Dionysus was the sort of man who wasn’t a natural parent and without the assistance of tutors and house elves could have never have successfully raised children. In Decius’ memory his childhood wasn’t an unhappy one, but something which mirrored that of most children born of the upper class. Decius liked to think he learned quite quickly how to fashion himself into the perfect Pure-Blood child. Although in the earlier days he cried himself to sleep and longed for the company of his baby sister and his parents, as the days and weeks past it became clear no one was coming. His father wanted someone strong, emotionless, a fighter which was exactly what Decius became. When he mingled with his parents' friends and their children he was the picture of class and wealth, smart and sophisticated, the perfect child every parent hoped to raise. Decius was too young to consider how his sister’s life would pan out when she was born, though he hoped that when she turned five she would not be thrust out into the same cold wing of her house to be left in the care of their tutor rather than their mother but found Rosalie met the same fate.

Sitting in their school room, wide eyed and frightened and missing their mother, Decius became her rock. Hardened to the years he’d spend being kept separate from his family, Decius was determined to keep the innocence and softness his sister had about her, coming to her each time she cried and helping her understand things she struggled with in her textbooks. When Decius left for Hogwarts, Rosalie was seven years old. Too young for him to leave her behind. Decius had spent his childhood crafting the person he knew he needed to be before he left for school, confident he’d spent enough time investing in him to feel like that personality was now his own. Rosalie was the only person he felt it crack for, a soft squeeze of her hand or the sight of her sad round eyes were enough to cause a stir in him he thought he’d long since buried. Their years spent together without their parents he thought would prepare her for life alone until she joined him at school. Watching her wave him off at the platform, Decius allowed himself a small tear as his sister faded into the distance before concentrating on who he needed to be to take on Hogwarts. Sorted into Slytherin, he wasted no time seeking out those he knew would be important assets to him at school. ARISTAEUS GREENGRASS was a very clear and obvious choice for him for a best friend.

Sorted into Slytherin, Aristaeus was as emotionally stunted as Decius, smoked like a chimney in his latter years at school and enjoyed partaking in the occasional drunken ramble about distant parents. Aristaeus, or Ash as he was better known, was Decius' friend who was able to see the darker parts of his personality Decius only showed his sister. To all his other friends he was the regular rich boy, flashing his galleons and trying to charm the teachers to dance to his tune. It was his sheer confidence that first caught the attention of the third member of their first year trio, LUCILLE JONES. A Half-Blood witch from a famous family, Decius had always privately felt sorry for her due to the societal affliction of her Muggle mother she was unfortunate enough to possess. Lucille was a beauty and clever witch, easily more than those at Hogwarts, including members of her own family who were Pure-Blooded. Lucille became a sort of substitute sister over the years, though she was nothing like his own. Lucille was cunning and calculated, she knew how to play people to get what she wanted and it was her drive and intelligence that made her an exception in his group of friends alongside JONATHAN REEVES. As the years passed and he cemented his role in the Slytherin Quidditch team, Decius became closer with some of the younger members of Slytherin house, including LUCIUS MALFOY, MARSHALL FAWLEY and CHRISTIANO PARKINSON who he quickly began to see more than his original group of friends he’d forged in his first few years of schooling.

Lucius’ little group which also included THORFINN ROWLE and their corresponding sisters and their friends CAMILLE ROWLE, ANDRESSA PARKINSON, GENIEVE AVERY, ANASTASIA DUPONT and Lucille’s sister FLORENCE JONES, were in many ways more exciting than his own friends and more closely shared his values. They were mostly from Scared Twenty-Eight families, with pressures put upon them that previously only Ash had understood. A perfect and blessed with a silver tongue, Decius managed to get their group out of any scrapes and spent the remainder of his time at Hogwarts a decorated sportsman and captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team before graduating to a permanent status on wizarding London’s upper-class social scene. WIth enough galleons in the bank he would never need to work, Decius enjoyed throwing and attending parties, romancing beautiful witches he enjoyed playing with the affections of for his entertainment, his escapades only growing wilder the older he has become. Currently in the prime of his life, Decius ie enjoying the spoils his station in life allows him to enjoy though his duty is always in the forefront of his mind. As his parents age Decius is given more responsibility, attending Scared Twenty-Eight meetings in his stead and helping look at potential suitors for his sister to marry. Unlike his father, Decius is not completely without feeling although he takes his emerging job as head of the family very seriously. Rosalie is a great joy in his life, looking at suitors for her such as RABASTAN LESTRANGE, BARTIMUS COURCH JR and LAVENDER BULSTRODE as a potential match for his sister,

Unbeknownst to Decius, Rosalie has long since made her choice of partner, preferring the company of werewolves rather than Pure-Bloods. Such a scandal would ruin their family with whispers surely to follow around the various clubs, bars and parties they attend. Although Decius enjoys a bit of scandal himself, he is always careful to keep it quiet, though he has garnered a reputation amongst those who know him well for not caring about the boundaries set by relationships. Though she is not marriage material due to her blood status and the girlfriend of his friend Thorfinn, Anastasia DuPont is someone who has increasingly caught his eye. Well aware it would do no good to peruse her, secretly the thrill of the chase weighs perhaps more heavily on him than the expectations of his family, a trait both he and his sister seemingly share. It was chasing Anastasia that distracted Decius the evening of The Yule Ball, consumed with thoughts of her and alcohol he left his sister unattended and allowed her to vanish without a trace. Decius was beside himself, helping to launch a nation wide search for his sister. To his joy, one day as he came down for breakfast he caught sight of her long dark hair and cried for the first time since childhood. Rosalie was home safe, but something was different. Her skin was cold to the touch, she was withdrawn and scattered as if she’d been asleep for a hundred years and dreamed the life she’d had with them. Suspicious, Decius is keeping a close eye on his sister, determined not to let any harm come to her and to figure out what really happened the night of the ball.

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → He/Him

Identification → Cis Male

Sexuality → Up To Roleplayer

Relationship Status → N/A

Previous Education → Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Slytherin)

Societies → N/A

Family → Dionysus Flint (father), Lotte Flint (mother), Rosalie Flint (sister), Eelis Burke (uncle), Kratista Burke (aunt), Caius Burke (cousin), Lyra Burke (cousin), Elijah Yaxley (uncle), Ismena Yaxley (aunt), Eleanor Yaxley (cousin), Victor Yaxley (cousin)

Connections → Thorfinn Rowle (best friend), Christiano Parkinson (best friend), Lucius Malfoy (best friend), Marshall Fawley (best friend), Aristaeus Greengrass (best friend), Lucille Jones (best friend), Isolde Travers (close friend), Primrose Jorkins (close friend), Tiberius McLaggen (close friend), Elazar Smith (close friend), Michael Thomas (close friend), Anastasia DuPont (close friend/potential love interest), Genevive Avery (friend), Andressa Parkinson (friend), Camille Rowle (friend), Florence Jones (friend), Jonathan Reeves (former friend/unknown adversary)

Future Information → Father of Marcus Flint

DECIUS FLINT IS A LEVEL 5 WIZARD.

#marauders rp #marauders rpg #josh o'connor #the crown #Marcus flint #decius flint #wizard #socialite #neutral #open wizard #open neutral #open

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