#the thirst goblin in my brain never shuts up

[gauntletgirlie]

Me: <writing my fanfic>

Me: Heck, I’m twelve chapters in and Melkor still hasn’t been captured and imprisoned in The Halls of Mandos. Time to move this along!

The thirst goblin in my brain: Yeah move it along with sex! Melkor and your OC haven’t been having enough.

Me: Hmmmm. Fine, but it’s going towards… character development! Yes! Character development. Then after this I’m writing proper plot stuff okay?

Thirst goblin: Heh heh heh, we’ll see how long that lasts…

Me: This fic is not making it out of the First Age, I beg.

[crowsent]

i just watched Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts at like. ass o clock in the morning. and i have a lot of thoughts™ about it. however, since i am a flesh goblin with no filter, half this shit is just gonna be me vomiting onto a post. okay? okay.

before anything else, i just wanna say that tired!Thomas is a mood. “look mr duke im really stupid right now”  BIG MOOD. the stuttering? BIG MOOD. the messing up of words? BIG MOOD

onto duke himself. i feel like i saw a train wreck of a human being that has already crashed and is in the process of burning somehow get into a larger more spectacular crash despite being in absolute fucking shreds. duke (remus, but im calling him duke and no one can stop me) has Energy. idk what kind of Energy but he has Energy. a lot of it.

he also gives off the same vibe as deceit. not exactly the same vibe, but i see deceit in him. both duke and deceit give off chaotic energy. a waterfall of chaotic energy. but they are both so very Very different from each other.

duke and deceit give off “thirsty” vibes. extra™ vibes. dramatic gay vibes. trash and they know it vibes. but in like. two complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

deceit is the classy thirst. the wine and dine thirst. the always dressed up™ thirst. the chickflick unrealistic romance thirst. always a black-tie event extra™. eyebrow(s) on fleek extra™. looking like he stepped out of vogue extra™. i will make costumes for everyone to fit a courtroom skit dramatic gay. “draw me like one of your french girls” dramatic gay. flirting with everything that moves dramatic gay. “smirk” trash. winking trash. “good lord i am surrounded by idiots” trash

then duke. duke the “netflix and chill thirst” guy. duke the "using fuck as a comma” guy. duke the “thomas murdering people he loves extra™” guy. duke the “butthole dramatic gay” guy. duke the “unmitigated well-manicured raccoon trash” guy. duke the “lemme tell you my name immediately” guy.

like. they interact with virgil in two complete ways too and it’s just so... jarring?????? to suddenly go from deceit smooth-talking his way through the court and losing his cool when he realised that everyone around him is an idiot. to duke. to fucking remus “unicorn porn” duke.

like. the episode gave me emotion whiplash. strapped me down a rollercoaster of weird and sent me off careening into the cliffs. like.

we get virgil, getting really loud very uncharacteristically. like. even if he doesn’t like duke, it’s still weird seeing him louder than usual. sure as fuck didn’t like deceit but virgil never raised his voice that much in the courtroom. sure he got heated (one angry man) but in DWIT he just has a consistent loud voice and aggressive disposition not only to duke but to thomas too. it’s just???? odd. like seeing someone eat corn on the cob vertically instead of horizontally. valid™ but fucking weird. it’s confusing. did something happen to you virgil? are you okay?

all the sides got some development, actually. not all for the better.

like. patton got character development WOOP WOOP so that’s good. it’s like he’s relearning the thing from Mind vs Heart. hopefully he won’t be too controlling next ss video.

roman just. roman. my baby. to me, it feels more like he’s pretending to be okay, rather than actually feeling okay. it’s sad.

deceit didn’t get much change (or he did and my brain just can’t remember jack right now) but we just had a huge ep with deceit last time so i’ll allow it

the one who surprised me the most was logan tho.

even with the reveal of virgil as a former Dark Side (WE BEEN KNEW. WE BEEN KNEW ALL ALONG BUT HOLY SHIT THAT REVEAL), logan’s participation in the video is heartbreaking to me.

logan looks and sounds so sad. when virgil tried to shut him out, when they accused him of being deceit, when the others rag on him, when duke said that “he’s reached his limit” of listening to others, just. look at his face. listen to his voice. he doesn’t sound happy. he doesn’t even sound like the smug bastard we know and love. he sounds so done. like he’s accepted that this is all he’s ever going to be. the side that brings others down, the side that other’s don’t want to be around. the side that is only good when he’s useful.

he sounds so resigned and it’s fucking heartbreaking. you can see how hard he’s trying. he stops himself from calling virgil “paranoid” to avoid hurting virgil. he doesn’t retaliate when they try to shove him out. he tries so so hard. and he doesn’t look alive. he doesn’t look like Logan. he looks like Logic.

the only part where he doesn’t look like a machine is when he says “THAT IS WHY I SAY IT” but that only lasts for a short moment before Logic is back, and Logan is once again gone.

at the end. when thomas says he's cool. logan doesn't look happy. he looks like someone who has accepted that they will never be part of the "cool" kids, that his contributions will be forgotten. that approval is only superficial. that he won’t be remembered unless he will be of use. he looks so resigned and dead and done and it just breaks my fucking heart.

give logan happiness 2k19

also. thomas. get some rest. don’t push yourself to make videos if you can’t. your health is more important than the content you create.

DWIT is an emotional rollercoaster and while i can’t wait for the next ss video, your health should be prioritised.

holy fucking hell. i might watch DWIT again, just to see if there’s anything I missed