#the third time however the muscles must’ve not been as tense holding it tightly together

[onlythebravest]

.

[kyberphilosopher]

Tʜᴇ Cᴀɪᴍ

“ Caim (n.) sanctuary; an invisible circle of protection, drawn around the body with the hand, to remind one of being safe and loved, even in the darkest times. “

Word Count: 3893

Requested: no. i saw the idea requested by anon on another account, but the writers requests were closed. 

     .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It seemed that the days were growing longer and longer, but unchanging in what they contained and offered. Time was distinguished to the fullest extent, dragging on in a rhythm-like march that followed you around wherever you traveled. 

It may have been a sort of depression, but the word did not come to mind when you thought about your condition. Stale, angering, stuck, dragging- these words were the ones you thought of instead. Your feelings felt numb, like you were bored of feeling whatever it was. Everything was the same, even when it was different. 

Anakin and Obi-Wan had been tasked with leading their battalion to retake Umbara for what felt like the hundredth time. They had a fair enough plan, strategic though patient. In the early stages, however, Chancellor Palpatine had called the both of them to Coruscant, leaving them to wonder who would move forward to replace them. 

Obi-Wan had initially thought of Plo Koon, who was unflappable and more than capable of commanding troops in a methodical plan. But the General was unavailable. Anakin insisted Rex and Cody could handle it on their own, but upon further thought realized Rex may not have taken well to it. The man was capable and sturdy, but seemed faltered without orders from someone he trusted so much. Granted, he had become less rigid as the war progressed, but he had also become more anguished at times. Ever since that General Krell... Nasty business on Umbara...

Obi-Wan was glad that you had accepted his request.

You were a bit of a mystery to everyone in the Jedi Order. Not in the worst way, by any means, but in the way that made you more observant than others. You spoke when spoken to, and while you didn’t often, when you said something people listened. You were a wise person with a brilliant knack for battle strategy, a stunning way of using your lightsaber, and of course- you weren’t Pong Krell.

So when Obi-Wan asked you, you accepted. You explained you had to finish your mission to fly over Ryloth with your battalion and that you would arrive shortly. The two Jedi explained to you the plan, Anakin with a bit of a charismatic nudge, and then they were on their way. 

It was fine enough. There were times when you wondered about your own Clones, but you knew they were in good hands. The 501st was under your command for the time, you had them to worry about them instead. 

For a month, things were as well as they could’ve been. The plan was on schedule, the clones respected you. You respected them in turn. But as described above, it was all slipping together in the worst way. Your feelings felt like they were aching and sore, cracking like dried dirt. Your muscles twisted in dull agony, eyes becoming less and less impressed with every experience. 

It was terrible. Your theory was that the guilt of the war and the atrocities birthed from it had climbed so high in your gut and your mind that your body made itself numb to everything. There was nothing to be happy over, not much to appreciate. But with the numbness came the blocking of all the bad things as well, and there was nothing you could do but drown in it. 

You felt exhausted, strained, overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. 

So, the days were the same. There was no point in keeping personal track of time. There was no point in having memories. No point in having standards, even. You woke up, you pushed the battalion forward, made progress, checked on the troops, and went to sleep. Sometimes you would train or give a quick report to Obi-Wan, though last time an explosion had stolen your attention midway through. 

Then, one day, it wasn’t the same. It was different. Funny how even something so small can cast a large shadow like that. 

ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴏᴋᴀʏ. ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ. 

It was written in tight letters, a little messy but still straight and clear. The second period was spaced a little too far away from the letters, almost as if the person had nearly forgotten it. But they wouldn’t have done that. No, they wouldn’t have. The letters, however italicized with sloppiness, are still written carefully. They might’ve been filled with anxiety just to say the words to you, more or less. 

Your thumb rolled over the scrap of paper, admiring the crispness. Someone was looking out for you. It wasn’t an accident, it was outside of your temporary room back at the base. Just by the door. 

Someone was looking out for you. Who would do that? One of the Clones? You knew they respected you. That Captain Rex was always polite enough and continued to prove his worth as an impressive soldier. Commander Cody was more than worthy of his title. And while there was a divide between the Clones and you, perhaps it was possible that one of them had cared about you enough to check in. 

Such a tiny, simple thing it was. It would’ve been silly to obsess over forever, so you didn’t. You obsessed over it for the night. 

Carefully, as if not to damage the little slip of paper, you placed it beside the shelf you slept on. Then you went to sleep after thinking about it, ready to go back to things being the same. 

It wasn’t the same. After you finished defending the perimeter of the base from some aggravated Umbaran’s, you switched your saber off with a twirl. All the same, all the same. Drowning in boredom and dull frustration, circles under your eyes as it all dragged on without the good. 

“General, are you okay?” Rex asked from beside you. You stopped your walking to turn and look at him and Cody, who were standing and sitting at the ready, still dressed in armor head to toe. It looked especially good on them, though you thought the blue fit Rex better. “You’re bleeding,” he said, nudging his head a little. 

You followed his eyes down to your arm. On your left one, around your shoulder but just above the elbow, was a long, scarlet slit. It looked almost purple in the Umbaran light, but it was dripping down nonetheless. One of the opposing soldiers must’ve nicked you. 

“Yes, I’m alright,” you said, still observing the wound. 

“It looks pretty bad, sir,” Rex continued. His arms reach up to remove his helmet and reveal his face. “Maybe you should get that checked out.”

Something brewed in your tummy, something warm that reminded you of your childhood. It felt nice that someone wanted you to be alright, even with something as minor as a scratch. This, and whoever had written you the note last night. While you weren’t so comfortable and felt a bit too tense for your liking, it was nice to hear Rex’s simple words. 

You look back up to meet his amber eyes. They’re golden, sort of brown and shining copper. “Are you two alright?” you venture to ask. Your hand comes to rub your arm, as if brushing fingers against it will wipe the injury away. 

“I thought I was a goner for a second,” Cody sighed. “Would’ve been if not for Rex.”

You looked back to the blue painted soldier with questioning eyes. Rex seems almost flustered for a second, like he’s uncertain about collecting praise. 

“Just doing my duty, sir,” he decides to say after a moment. 

A soft expression overtakes your face. “Experience outranks everything, right?”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The note was under your door this time. Not beside it. 

ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴄᴀʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ. ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪꜱɪɴꜰᴇᴄᴛ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴀɴᴅᴀɢᴇ. ɢᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇꜱᴛ.

Your eyes soften as you look over the words. It meant a little more to you this time, lingered a while longer, because you honestly probably would’ve forgotten to disinfect the cut. So while you wrap your gauze around the wound you replay the kindness in your head. 

But it didn’t end there. 

ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ʀᴀᴅɪᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ. ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀɴᴅᴀɢᴇ.

Again, your thumb rolls over the paper, across the ink. It was dried already by now, but it still felt new and clean. Crisp. 

You tucked the third slip of paper away in a metal box. The other two from the nights before stayed bright and meaningful inside. 

The pattern continued. About 48 hours later, another note arrived. Instead of under your door, it was folded like a tent outside of your door. You noticed the quality of the paper was a bit different, almost better and more thick, but you didn’t mind. You hoped whoever was doing this hadn’t felt you needed such a royal kind of paper, for the words inside were what had mattered most. 

ɪ ꜱᴀᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴍɪʟᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ. ɪᴛ ᴡᴀꜱ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ. ɪ'ᴍ ɢʟᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ɪᴛ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ.

Your lips turned upward slowly. Your thumbs ran over the paper lovingly, as if it was someones hand and you were appreciating it. It almost felt like a hand. The words were veins. Crinkles were knuckles. Shiny ink was little scars and flecks. 

You thought of the hands of the Clones. Perhaps because they were the ones you had seen the most over the last few weeks. But you could remember one specific set of hands so clearly, even though it was almost the same as his brothers. 

Captain Rex had a white scar across his right palm. Faint and thin, surrounded by callouses from holding his blasters so tightly. You’d seen his palm the one time you’d shook his hand and remembered it from the others because of the little mark. Rex stood out from his brothers. 

You weren’t cruel enough to think all Clones were the same. They were all individuals, with individual brains and personalities and thoughts. Treating them as anything less than people was wrong, and General Krell had payed the price for it. But Rex still stood prominent in your mind. You weren’t sure why. 

It was kind of like he was typed in bold when everyone else was typed in italics. 

You showered that night, which you hadn’t bothered to do in a while. Rinsed your hair with a smile on your face, ran your fingers over your long eyelashes as they dripped with water. You felt more bare than usual somehow, all because of a group of words. It was almost comforting. 

The next morning, your aura was different. Your posture was more straightened, eyes softer, hair shinier and clean. You still felt that same dull tension and thickness in the air, but it wasn’t as harsh today. You had woken up feeling brighter. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

“Good morning, General,” Rex greeted as he approached you. His helmet was tucked under his arm, with Commander Cody at his side. Both their faces were pulled into stern frowns as always, as if they were programmed for seriousness. The few times you had seen these two specific Clones smile had been a bit of a relief to you. 

“Captain. Commander,” you returned. 

“We’re supposed to move out of here soon, right General?” Cody asks. You nod your head. 

“We’re just entering phase 3. We should be done in the next few weeks.”

“Anything you need from us, General?”

You look around, gazing at your soldiers in the indigo light of the system. You could feel how tired and strained they were. It was different from your own strain, more physical. You felt guilty for this, as you were responsible for them, but you knew it would’ve happened with Skywalker and Kenobi anyway. 

“I’m mostly concerned with keeping the men in spirit,” you say with a sigh. Both the men swell with satisfaction at the sound of your voice saying ‘men’. Not Clones. Not numbers. Men. “Anything to try and help that is enough.”

Commander Cody nodded, appreciating the sentiment. “Right away, General,” he said. He turned on his heel and marched off, respect in his identical soldier heart. 

“He’s a good man,” you say as you watch him. The white and golden streaks walk further and further away. 

“He is,” says Rex as he watches him over his shoulder as well. “I’m proud to call him my brother.”

The corner of your lips raises in a flash. It’s a brief wave of warmth coming from the sincerity of people. It’s difficult to find as a Jedi within yourself, only because of how forbidden it is. It’s difficult to find in other people at a time of war, but here is the best. Between Rex and Cody, between Rex and his men. 

The smile disappears before Rex turns around. He turns to find your eyes already on him, observing. 

“Something I can do for you?” you question. You had expected him to leave with Cody, but you can feel the heat radiating off of him, even from the distance between you. You’re not close by any means, but he feels... warm. 

Rex’s shoulders raise as his mouth opens, then closes. Like he wanted to say something. He shakes his head a little, fumbling. “Did you sleep alright, General?”

You’re not as close to the 501st as Kenobi or Skywalker. Not close enough to talk about something outside of the war or planning. This takes you off guard. “Better than I have in a while,” you say, almost tentatively. “You?”

“Don’t worry about me, General,” Rex chuckles. “I’m alright. Just tired of being here is all.”

You agree wholeheartedly. Before you can vocalize this, someone calls you. You nod politely towards Rex before walking off. He watches as you go. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ. ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ.

A shaky sigh escapes you. This person was serious about doing this for you. After the guilt, the boredom, the frustration and the slow, agonizing burn from being where you were, this one wasn’t giving up. You could almost... relax. Relax into the notes like one might in a lovers arms. 

Little by little, you collapsed in on yourself with every new note. 

ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴅᴏɪɴɢ ᴀ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴊᴏʙ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ.

ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴀᴘᴘɪɴᴇꜱꜱ ᴍᴀᴋᴇꜱ ᴍʏ ᴅᴀʏ, ɪ ᴡɪꜱʜ ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ꜱᴇᴇ ɪᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏꜱᴛ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜱᴇᴇɴ.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴛᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ. ɪ'ʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ɪᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ.

With each note you received, the more your heart shook. 

You could feel... calm, when you got these. After being a protector and guardian, someone was doing the same for you. Alleviating tension and stress from your shoulders. The knots of your back were untwisting slowly, the strings of your heart pulling. Sometimes, in the dead of the Umbaran night, if you thought too hard about it, tears would prick your eyes. 

It was so... kind. Doing this for anyone at all, but especially you. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

During the last week of the mission, you were returning back to your room. Rounding the corner, you bumped into none other than the famed Captain himself. 

His army was bulky and sharp against you, but you didn’t mind. You were too busy running into it to really notice. You bumped back before anything could happen, blinking a few times. 

“General!” the man gasped in a slightly high voice. His hands reached out to steady your shoulders, although it wasn’t necessary. “I’m sorry, General. I didn’t see you there,” Rex said quickly. Nervously. 

“It’s alright,” you promised. “There’s no problem.”

Wait a minute. Rex had no business being down this way. He slept with the other troops in the nearby facility. He had insisted on it. “What are you doing here?”

Rex swallows, confirming his anxiety. His hands drop away from you and he takes a respectful step back, keeping his posture upright and formal. “I was just... just running an inspection sir.”

“Running an inspection... in the hallway to my quarters?”

“Yes! Ah, Cody requested it.”

An eyebrow raised. “Cody requested you to run an inspection in the hallway to my quarters?”

“Yes.”

Your shoulders shift. Arms come up to cross as you look up at the Captain. “Why?”

“Just... general inspection stuff.”

“Hey, Rex?” you continued, leaning forward. 

“Yes, sir?” Rex replied, stiffening like a true soldier would. 

“You’re a bad liar.”

His amber eyes widen for a moment. You can feel his heart rate pick up, the sweat begin to form on his palms. His throat goes dry as his brain struggles to stop and go at the same time, somehow working both a parsec per minute and not at all. 

“You’re dismissed,” you decide casually. “Go on.”

Rex opens his mouth to say something more, but then closes it. With a slow nod like an ashamed child, he moves past you and continues down the wall. 

You watch his back. He turns to get a final look at you as he goes, but this makes your heart jump and you surge yourself forward. 

There’s another note at your door. Folded again, clean and proper. A relaxed smile graces your lips. Finally, after all the combat of the day, you were where and with what you wanted. The notes had become the highlight of your life. 

You reach down with outstretched fingers and open it. Your body is letting go of the anxiety already, more than happy to welcome the new words. 

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ꜱᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ.

The love and appreciation fills your heart in place of the anger and frustration you’d been feeling. All the feelings of being trapped or drifting away as you succumb to the kind ones words.  

You can’t help it. It’s like melting into the words as easy as falling into a soft mattress. It felt like all the blood of the stress and pain was evaporating as you gazed at the words. Like an ocean that carries everything you’ve been feeling away from you with the waves. The tide takes the weight from you in the simple stroke of a pen. 

You’re special. You matter. 

You turn your head back down the hallway, to the point where you had bumped into your Captain. You knew he hadn’t come down this way for an inspection, but what if he had come down this way for you. Solely you. A note for you. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

You don’t drop your gaze from his eyes. 

They’re flickering around, almost looking for an escape. He feels the pressure you’re putting on him from just a look and a stance. He feels the weight of your words, however passive they may be. But you don’t dare buckle or shiver. 

“Find anything interesting during your inspection, Rex?” you asked. 

Cody looked over at his comrade, who was visibly disturbed by the situation. Rex was looking between your eyes, his own skirting back and forth between left and right. “You ordered an inspection?” he asked his brother. 

Your lips twitch into the faintest of smirks. Rex knows he’s done for. He knows you know now, and he’s watching the intelligence dance in your eyes from the situation. Oh, he should’ve known better than to not only overstep his bounds, but attempt to deceive a Jedi as well! He’s ruined himself now! What will you do to him now? 

Rex struggles to form words. “Ah... I-”

“You misunderstand,” you said quickly. Your eyes didn’t leave the Captain’s, almost like a dare. “The Captain and I share many inside jokes.”

Cody sighs humorously. “I didn’t realize you two were so close, General.”

Rex didn’t remember what happened next. He may not have wanted to. 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴀᴠᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏᴅᴀʏ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ, ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ʀᴇᴍᴀʀᴋᴀʙʟᴇ ᴡᴏᴍᴀɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏꜱᴛ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ ꜱɪɢʜᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ᴍᴀɴ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇʜᴏʟᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ.

You smile softly at this one, solidified in how it makes you feel. All the notes- no he- he has done this. He’s the one who saw your invisible suffering, and softened it for you all on his own. Not because he had to, but out of the sheer kindness of his heart. He wanted you to be alright, for one reason or another, and he had done what he felt was right to get there. 

It made you feel safe, protected. Calm. 

You tuck the note away with all the others, in the little metal box by where you rest. You don’t receive anymore for the rest of the week, limiting your interaction with the Captain. You talked only when necessary on the battlefield. 

You led the troops to victory, pushing your final assault. Retaking Umbara had proven a lengthy and difficult task, but you had of course prevailed. It was partially owed to Kenobi and Skywalker, for conceiving such a wise plan, but your praise was not hindered. When you had alerted Obi-Wan of the success, he was glad his faith in you was not misplaced. All was well. 

That night, while the troops celebrated and you returned to your quarters, you found the last note you would receive on the system. You hadn’t expected it, but you were overjoyed to see it. 

ᴜɴᴛɪʟ ᴡᴇ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ, ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴʏᴡʜᴇʀᴇ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ᴍʏ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ, ᴍʏ ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

“I’m glad it was a success,” Obi-Wan said with a relaxed smile. Anakin folds his arms, an eyebrow raising. 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Kenobi. Your plan was responsible for the victory,” you say in turn. Your eyes catch your soldier- your favorite soldier- walking in the background. His blue painted armor is chipped, and he’s waving his hands around for effect as he speaks under his helmet. 

“How was Rex?” Anakin asks. “I hoped he behaved himself. I was worried he wouldn’t feel comfortable working under any Generals he didn’t know.”

You watch Captain Rex from behind them. You can imagine his golden eyes lighting up as he hears his comrades laugh. The careful way he had written his feelings out for you in any attempt to provide you with a circle of protection. Ironic, considering you were the one tasked with the protecting. 

“He’s proved himself useful,” you say. You watch as the man slips his helmet from his head and tuck it under his arm. 

“He certainly is a good man,” Obi-Wan agrees, him and Anakin turning to watch the Clone. 

“Yes,” you whisper, a soft smile creeping over your face as you commit the Captain to memory. “He is.”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I didn’t check this for spelling errors. I’ll do it later, I just want to put something out. And if this gets enough asks for it then I’ll make a part two, because I think it might work idk.

Taglist: @haztory​ @omg-we-really-doo​ @chokemeanakin​ @anakinswhore​ @.drunk anon (i know you said you liked rex) @fanficsforheartandsoul​