#the thing with being scared of being unconscious around medical professionals isn't a new thing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thethingything · 7 months ago

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I'm really torn over how to feel about a bunch of stuff. on the one hand the oral surgeon was really friendly and is the only medical professional who's ever said "so what type of EDS do you have?" because he wanted to check how it'd impact some stuff, meanwhile we usually have to explain what EDS even is. he seemed pretty familiar with it and also checked what meds we're okay with and said the reaction we had to clarithromycin recently is why it's not typically prescribed for adults anymore. all that stuff made me feel pretty confident about things going alright.

and then sedation and general anaesthetic got brought up, and medical bills got brought up, and we had a panic attack and took multiple attempts to try and ask one question because we couldn't phrase it in a way that made sense, and then we asked some other stuff and ended up panicking even more and just sitting there crying and he made a comment that I think was meant to be reassuring but mostly just made it seem like he really doesn't get what we're so freaked out about, and now our brain has gone from "I'm mostly just deeply uncomfortable with the concept of sedation" to "I absolutely do not want to be uncoscious around medical professionals at all" and I do not fucking know what to do about this.

I keep trying to distract myself. our brain keeps bringing this shit up again regardless and then I have a panic attack on the spot. I've lost track of both how many panic attacks I've had today, and how many times I've almost thrown up, but both thing happened several times in the car and then happened again while we were getting showered.

I already wasn't sure how the fuck we're going to handle this, but now I feel significantly worse about it because I've mostly just gotten confirmation that the stuff I find most distressing about the situation is not only unavoidable, but also definitely going to be worse than I'd registered until now

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #emetophobia tw #the thing with being scared of being unconscious around medical professionals isn't a new thing #it's a fear we've had for a long time #but I wasn't doing too badly with it until it felt like the guy couldn't grasp what I was so distressed over #and was like ''no you have to deal with [thing I was sobbing and hyperventilating over so badly I couldn't talk]''#we have a huge phobia of cannulas. it goes along with our needle phobia but these are the absolute worst #and I was like ''would it be at all possible to remove it before I wake up or right afterwards because I cannot cope with this at all''#and I understand why it's standard policy to not remove it until you're about to leave #but I can't stress enough how much this is something I absolutely cannot cope with at all #this is the reason I've almost thrown up so many times today. I keep getting flashbacks to a previous surgery we had years ago #and that includes somatic flashbacks to having a cannula in our hand and every single time we get a flashback #I start dry heaving and panicking. so yeah this is not going to work. like it just fucking isn't #I don't care if ''it makes it easier to administer emergency medications if you end up needing them''#surely there's a consent form or some shit I can sign saying I'm willing to take that risk and not fucking deal with this shit #everything else about this is extremely distressing but not having to deal with this one trigger would help immensely #so yeah now our brain is in ''these people won't listen to me and are forcing me into a distressing situation so I feel unsafe'' mode #and that's triggered the fear of being unconscious around medical professionals and now everything is so much worse

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