#the thing that let her live was destined to die by her hands

[secretly-a-catamount]

There’s just something about the fact that Mal and Alina’s lives only really started when they met each other, and that first meeting signed his death warrant.

[ch0llies]

REVIVAL | CHRISTOPHER STURNIOLO

A story in which a messy breakup lands you in your best friend's Boston apartment a year after high school, and you find yourself face-to-face again with Christopher Sturniolo-your first love. As your paths cross again, the bitterness of how you left him still lingers, fueling every hated glance. But with your best friend dating his brother, you know is there's no escaping Chris- or the tension that refuses to die. Is this revival destined to reignite, or will it crumble under the weight of your unresolved past?

story warning: this story includes very toxic and abusive behavior. none of the actions or words in this series are justified and are written exclusively for entertainment purposes only. under no circumstances are they personally associated with chris other than just using him as the main character. read at your own discretion. now that that is cleared up, there will be filthy smut, angst, swearing, underage drinking, underage drug use, abusive behavior, morally skewed choices, toxic relationships, and overall mature themes. if any of this upsets you... don't read!

word count: 4k

CHAPTER SIX:

Two Months Later

The cycle never ended. If anything it got worse. Chris pulled you in, made you believe you were something to him, only to push you away the second you got too close. And the worst part? You let him. Over and over and over again.

Some days, he was all over you- his hands on your waist, his lips ghosting over your skin, whispering things that made you forget everything except him. And then, the next day, he’d act like you barely existed. He’d brush past you without a word, act cold, distant, and cruel, as if the night before never happened. And every time you told yourself you wouldn’t fall for it again, that you’d shut him out, he’d find a way back in.

It was exhausting. It was toxic. And yet, you couldn’t stop.

To make matters worse, the triplets’ channel had blown up. In just two months, they’d gained over 20,000 subscribers, and their videos were pulling in thousands of views daily. With their rapid growth, filming had become their priority- meaning your apartment had basically turned into their second home.

Matt had even moved in with you and Ava, claiming he “practically lived here anyway.” He wasn’t wrong. He and Ava were inseparable, and while you loved having him around, it also meant dealing with the other side of their relationship- the constant sex, the loud giggles coming from her bedroom at ungodly hours, and the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

Chris, of course, was around even more now because of it. Between filming, editing, and brainstorming video ideas, he was constantly in your space, constantly finding new ways to get under your skin.

Right now, the living room was a mess of cameras, lighting stands, and random props as the boys set up for another video.

“You’re sure this is okay?” Nick asked, adjusting the camera on its tripod. “We don’t wanna be in your way, Y/N.”

You scoffed, leaning against the kitchen counter. “Nick, you guys have basically been living here for weeks. I think we passed the ‘in my way’ phase a long time ago.”

He grinned. “Fair enough.”

Matt jogged into the room, wrapping an arm around Ava’s waist and spinning her in a quick circle before setting her down with a loud kiss. She giggled, slapping his chest playfully, and you rolled your eyes.

“You two make me sick,” you muttered.

“You’re just jealous,” Ava shot back, smirking.

You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could, you felt it- Chris’s presence behind you. Close. Too close.

“You should be jealous,” he murmured in your ear, his voice just low enough for only you to hear. “They have their whole life planned out and you? You’re just my bitch.”

Your stomach twisted as his words sank in, a familiar frustration bubbling to the surface. You turned to face him, but he was already walking away, joining Matt and Nick by the camera, acting as if he hadn’t just whispered something that would sit in your head all night.

This was how it always was. He got under your skin, made sure you knew he was in control, and then left you stewing in it.

You clenched your jaw, exhaling sharply as you grabbed a pepsi from the fridge. If this was your life now- Chris everywhere, pushing and pulling, never letting you breathe- you were going to have to figure out how to survive it.

Even if it meant pretending he didn’t affect you. Even if it meant lying to yourself every single day.

The video wrapped up after another chaotic hour of filming, and soon enough, everyone collapsed onto the couch, exhausted but still buzzing with leftover energy. You sat wedged between Ava and Nick, scrolling through your phone absentmindedly as the boys talked about their next upload.

Chris was sprawled on the other end of the couch, legs stretched out, his fingers lazily tapping against his thigh. The air between you was already tense- it always was- but tonight, there was something different, something thicker and heavier lingering between you.

Then, out of nowhere, Chris scoffed loudly, his eyes dragging over you with an expression you couldn’t quite place-but you knew it wasn’t good.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” he asked suddenly, his tone dripping with amusement and something sharper, something meant to cut.

Your head snapped up, your stomach twisting immediately. “What?”

He gestured vaguely at your oversized hoodie and bike shorts, his smirk deepening. “Did you gain weight or something?”

Your breath hitched in your throat, and the room went still. Ava and Matt were still laughing about something, not fully tuned into the conversation yet, but Nick caught it. His head snapped toward Chris, his expression shifting into something wary.

You clenched your jaw, heat rising to your face. “What the fuck did you just say?”

Chris leaned back against the armrest, completely unfazed. “I mean, you just look… bigger. Maybe it’s the outfit.”

Something inside you snapped.

Before you could think, you were lunging over Ava, your hands flying toward him as pure rage overtook every rational thought. Ava yelped as you climbed over her, and before Chris could react, your palm connected with his cheek in a sharp slap that echoed through the apartment.

“What the fuck, Y/N?!” Matt barked, grabbing you before you could strike again.

Nick shot up from the couch, eyes wide. “What the hell is going on?”

Chris barely flinched from the slap, his jaw tightening as he wiped at his cheek. His expression was unreadable, but you could feel the anger radiating off of him. Matt still had his arms wrapped around you, keeping you from lunging again, but you shoved him off roughly, stepping back and breathing heavily.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what’s going on,” you spat, glaring down at Chris. “Your brother just called me fucking fat, that’s what’s fucking going on.”

Ava’s mouth dropped open, and Nick immediately turned to Chris, his face a mix of shock and disgust. “Dude, what?”

Chris just smirked, rubbing his jaw where you had slapped him. “You’re overreacting.”

You let out a sharp, humorless laugh, shaking your head. “Overreacting? That’s real fucking funny, considering you were telling me how much you loved my body when you were inside it the other night.”

The entire room went silent.

Ava’s head whipped toward you so fast you thought she might get whiplash. Matt and Nick both froze, their faces morphing from confusion to complete shock.

Chris’s smirk immediately disappeared, his entire body tensing. His blue eyes darkened, his jaw clenching as he pushed himself off the couch.

“What the fuck is your problem?” he snapped, his voice low, dangerous.

He took a step toward you, and you squared your shoulders, refusing to back down.

Matt and Nick immediately jumped up, stepping between the two of you as Ava stared in horror, trying to process what she had just heard.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Matt said, holding a hand out toward Chris. “What the fuck is happening right now?”

Nick’s eyes darted between the two of you, his face pinched in disbelief. “You guys have been sleeping together again?”

Chris didn’t answer. He just kept his eyes locked on you, his fists clenched at his sides. The anger rolling off him was palpable, but you weren’t scared. Not even a little. You were pissed.

You took a step closer, tilting your head up to meet his glare. “Nah,” you said, shaking your head. “Let him go. What’s he gonna do, huh?”

Chris took another step forward, getting right in your face, his chest barely brushing against yours.

You didn’t flinch. You didn’t blink. You just smirked up at him, pushing every ounce of anger and adrenaline into your words.

“Yeah,” you whispered, your voice dripping with venom. “That’s what I fucking thought.”

Chris’s hand shot out before you could react, gripping your jaw roughly and tilting your face up toward him. His fingers pressed into your skin, not enough to hurt but enough to remind you of the control he he had. His blue eyes burned into yours, his expression a mixture of fury and amusement.

“You’re gonna regret this,” he muttered, his voice low and threatening.

Ava gasped loudly from behind you. “Chris, what the fuck?”

Nick and Matt immediately moved forward, their faces twisting in anger.

“Whoa, dude,” Matt barked, pushing forward. “Fucking watch it.”

Before you could even react, Matt shoved him back roughly, breaking his hold on you. Chris stumbled, falling back onto the couch with a heavy thud. His smirk returned, but this time it was darker, more twisted.

“Nah,” Chris said, shaking his head as he adjusted his jaw, his eyes flicking back to you. “If we’re gonna go there…” He let his words hang in the air for a second before locking onto you with a look that sent your blood boiling. “Why don’t you tell them how much you like being manhandled by me?”

Your whole body tensed, your vision going red. Your heart pounded so loud you could barely hear Ava’s shocked gasp or Nick’s stunned, “What the fuck?”

Chris just smiled evilly, watching as the words settled over the room, as the weight of them crushed you under embarrassment and anger.

Your hands clenched into fists, your nails digging into your palms.

You lunged for him again.

Chris didn’t even flinch, just smirked wider, waiting for you to completely snap.

But before you could reach him, Ava stepped in front of you, pressing her hands against your shoulders. “Okay, that’s enough- let’s just go upstairs.”

You shoved her hands off roughly. “Nah,” you spat, shaking your head, eyes locked on Chris. “He’s fucking getting it. I’m sick of his shit.”

Chris just sat there, leaning back lazily on the couch like he hadn’t just lit a match and dropped it on a pile of gasoline. His smirk never faltered. If anything, he looked thrilled by your reaction, like this was exactly what he wanted.

Matt and Nick both moved in again, their faces set in frustration, trying to de-escalate, but you didn’t care.

Your blood was boiling, your hands shaking with rage.

You were done playing his game. And if Chris wanted a war, he was fucking getting one.

Chris stood back up, towering over you, his smirk now fully twisted into something cruel and enjoying this. His blue eyes glinted with satisfaction, like he wanted you to react, wanted to break you down in front of everyone.

“Yeah,” he taunted, his voice dripping with mockery. “Go ahead, Y/N. Tell them.” He took a step closer, tilting his head as his voice dropped into something even darker, something condescending. “Tell them how much you like me grabbing you like that. How you beg for me to be rougher. How you whine for me to touch you. How fucking pathetic you are for me.”

Your whole body went rigid, your breathing sharp and uneven as the words sank in, hot and humiliating.

Ava gasped again, but she didn’t step in this time.

Nick muttered, “Dude- what the actual fuck?”

Matt looked at you with a mixture of confusion and concern, but all you could hear was Chris. His words burned into your skin like fire, filling you with a rage so consuming you didn’t even think-

You lunged.

This time, no one was there to stop you.

Your hands collided with his chest as you shoved him back with everything you had. But Chris barely moved. He let out a low chuckle, his smirk deepening, enjoying your reaction.

Before you could strike again, his hands snatched your wrists, his grip strong and unyielding. In one swift movement, he twisted your arms together, locking them in place as you struggled.

“You never learn, do you?” he muttered, shaking his head as if he pitied you.

You thrashed against his grip, but he didn’t budge. His fingers tightened around your wrists, his hold completely inescapable. Your breathing was ragged, your chest rising and falling too fast, your anger consuming every rational thought.

Then, without another word, he started dragging you away.

“Chris, let go of me!” you yelled, twisting in his hold, but he didn’t stop.

“Woah- wait, wait, wait!” Matt’s voice rang out, his footsteps moving toward you both.

“Nah, what the fuck?” Nick snapped, his voice sharper now. “You can’t just take her like that!”

“Chris-” Ava started, stepping forward, her tone full of warning. “Bring my girl back- NOW!”

Chris ignored all of them. His grip on you stayed firm, his body radiating nothing but control as he dragged you toward the hallway, toward somewhere away from them. Somewhere just you and him.

Ava’s panicked voice cut through the tension. “Matt, do something!”

Matt didn’t hesitate. He surged forward and shoved Chris back- hard. Chris stumbled a step, his grip loosening on you just enough for you to break free.

Matt got right up in his face, his jaw clenched, eyes blazing. “Yo, you wanna put your hands on someone? Let’s go, kid.”

Chris let out a low, humorless laugh, rolling his shoulders like he was itching for a fight. “Are we really doing this right now?”

Matt didn’t back down. “Yeah, bud. Let’s do it.”

And then Matt swung.

His fist connected with Chris’s jaw in a clean, sharp hit that sent a crack through the room. Chris staggered back, his tongue swiping over the inside of his cheek where Matt had landed the punch.

But before he could retaliate, you moved.

“Matt, STOP!”

The words flew from your lips before you could even think. Without hesitation, you stepped between them, your hands pressing against Chris’s chest, keeping him from lunging forward.

Matt froze, his breathing ragged as he glared at you. “What the fuck, Y/N?”

Ava’s voice rang out next, full of disbelief. “Are you deadass? Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?!”

You weren’t listening. Your hands instinctively moved to Chris’s face, checking where Matt had hit him, your fingers lightly grazing his jaw. “Are you okay?” you asked breathlessly, your voice softer, concerned.

Chris’s smirk returned- but this one was different. He tilted his head slightly, soaking in the way you were touching him, the way you had stepped in for him instead of letting Matt beat his ass.

And then, before anyone could react, he cupped your face in both hands, his touch almost gentle in contrast to the chaos around you. His thumbs brushed over your cheeks, his fingers curling into your hair as he pulled you closer.

Then he leaned down and pressed a slow, lingering kiss to your forehead.

The action sent shockwaves through the room.

Matt’s fists clenched at his sides. Ava’s jaw dropped in pure disbelief. Nick looked like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin.

Chris’s arms wrapped around your waist, securing you against him as he turned his head just enough to glance at Matt, smug satisfaction dripping from every inch of him.

“See?” Chris murmured, loud enough for everyone to hear. “She’s fine.”

Then, his grip on you tightened slightly, his lips brushing against your temple as he muttered the final nail in the coffin-

“We’re leaving.”

And he started guiding you toward the door, leaving nothing but silence, shock, and the unmistakable feeling that you had just chosen the wrong side. But you knew it would be the side you’d choose again and again and again.

Chris didn’t give anyone time to process what had just happened. He moved swiftly, his grip still firm on your wrist as he led you toward the front door. His eyes flicked toward the table near the entrance, and without hesitation, he grabbed your car keys.

“Chris, what the fuck-” you started, yanking at your arm, but he wasn’t letting go.

Ignoring your protests, he snatched a jacket from the coat rack- the first one he saw- before throwing it over your shoulders. It wasn’t yours. It was his- one of his dark, oversized hoodies, drowning your frame, completely swallowing up the little shorts and shirt you were wearing prior.

And you knew he did it on purpose.

Chris didn’t like other people seeing you like this. Even though he had no right to that opinion. Even though you weren’t his.

But he still covered you up like you were.

He pulled you outside without another word, walking straight toward your car. With one hand, he wrenched the passenger door open, and before you could fight back, he shoved you inside.

“Chris-”

SLAM.

He shut the door before you could finish, storming around the front of the car and sliding into the driver’s seat like it was his car. The second he turned the ignition, the engine roared to life, and his grip tightened around the steering wheel.

Then, without so much as a warning, he peeled out of the driveway, speeding down the street recklessly.

The anger in the air was suffocating.

The silence was short-lived.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” you screamed, whipping around to face him.

Chris’s jaw was locked, his knuckles white around the steering wheel as he refused to look at you. “Shut up.”

“NO!” you snapped, slamming your hands against the dashboard. “PULL THE FUCK OVER!”

Chris laughed. A cold, humorless laugh. “Not a fucking chance.”

Your nails dug into your palms, your rage blinding. “You do NOT get to do this to me, Chris! You do NOT get to fucking drag me out of there like I’m-”

“Like you’re what?” he interrupted sharply, finally cutting his eyes toward you. “Like you’re MINE?”

The car swerved slightly as he took a turn too fast, and your breath caught in your throat.

You weren’t scared.

You were fucking furious.

“I AM NOT YOURS!” you screamed. “I HAVEN’T BEEN YOURS SINCE HIGH SCHOOL, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!”

Chris slammed his fist against the steering wheel so hard that the entire car shook. His breathing was ragged, his knuckles white, his face twisted in pure, unfiltered rage.

“YOU WERE NEVER MINE IN HIGH SCHOOL!” he shouted, his voice so raw and furious it sent a jolt through your body. “THAT WAS THE FUCKING PROBLEM, YOU CUNT! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FUCKING LEFT ME!”

Your chest heaved as his words slammed into you like a bullet, but you didn’t back down.

“DON’T YOU FUCKING CALL ME THAT! I LEFT BECAUSE YOU WERE NEVER GONNA BE WHAT I NEEDED, CHRIS!” you screamed, your own voice just as raw. “You never fucking cared about me- not really! You cared about owning me! Controlling me!”

Chris’s jaw clenched so hard you could see the muscle twitch. His grip on the wheel tightened, his breath coming out fast and uneven. “Oh, that’s rich,” he sneered. “You think I didn’t fucking care about you? You think I wasn’t fucking obsessed with you? I would’ve burned the entire fucking world down for you, Y/N, and you fucking left.”

His words felt like a slap.

For a second- just a second you saw it.

The real anger. The real pain. The Chris who had been left behind, the Chris you had ghosted, the Chris who had spent years turning that heartbreak into something uglier, something crueler. You did this to him.

But you weren’t about to let him rewrite history to make himself the victim.

“You pushed me away first,” you hissed, your voice shaking with rage. “You never told me what we were, you never let me in, and the second I started moving on, you decided I wasn’t allowed to!”

Chris let out a sharp, bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Oh, is that what you tell yourself? That I pushed you away? No, baby.” His voice lowered, his tone sharp as a blade. “You left because someone else gave you a little bit of attention. Because the second you saw an easier option, you fucking took it. You ran the moment things got complicated, because that’s what you do, isn’t it?”

Your hands shook in your lap.

“Fuck you,” you whispered.

Chris smirked, but it wasn’t amused- it was mean. Cruel.

“Oh, I already do,” he murmured. “Over and over again.”

Your body burned with rage, with shame, with the unbearable truth in his words.

He leaned in again, his voice softer now, almost coaxing. “And that’s why we’re here. Because you’re mine now, Y/N. Maybe you weren’t back then. But you are now.”

“I AM NOT FUCKING YOURS YOU EVIL, MANIPULATIVE, PIECE OF SHIT! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE!” You screech, your entire body fighting between the urge to slap him again and the urge to fucking sob.

Chris slammed his fist against the steering wheel again, his knuckle busting open as the car swerved. “Oh, REALLY?” he shouted. “Then why the fuck did you just CHOOSE ME OVER THEM?”

Your mouth opened- but nothing came out.

Chris scoffed, shaking his head. “Yeah. That’s what I fucking thought.”

Your blood was boiling. Your hands were shaking. “You are so fucking sick and twisted, Chris-”

“AND YOU FUCKING LOVE IT!” he yelled, voice raw with frustration.

You sucked in a sharp breath, your vision blurring with rage.

“You don’t know shit about what I love,” you spat.

Chris finally slammed the brakes, pulling the car onto the side of the road so fast that your body jerked forward against the seatbelt. His breathing was heavy, his hands still gripping the wheel like he was trying not to completely lose his mind, his knuckle bleeding down his hand but it was like he didn’t even notice.

Then, slowly, too slowly, he turned his head to look at you.

His eyes were burning.

“You’re right,” he murmured, his voice dangerous. “I don’t know shit about what you love.”

He leaned closer, his breath warm against your face as he tilted his head.

“But I do know you love me. That every time I touch you, you melt for me.”

Your heart slammed against your ribs.

“And I know that you can sit here and scream and curse at me all you want, but at the end of the day?” He licked his lips, eyes scanning your face. “You let me do this to you.”

Your breathing was ragged, your throat burning from all the screaming.

Chris smirked, leaning back against his seat. “So, tell me again, Y/N- who’s really the fucking psycho here?”

Your entire body burned with anger, with frustration, with pure, unfiltered rage. You clenched your fists so tight your nails dug into your palms, your breath coming out in ragged gasps.

“YOU’RE THE FUCKING PSYCHO!” you screamed, the words tearing out of you like a final, desperate attempt to shake him, to make him feel something real.

Chris just grinned.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, shaking his head like he pitied you. “You wanna see psycho?”

And then he closed his eyes.

He shifted into drive and peeled onto the main road without looking.

The tires screeched, the engine roared, and your stomach dropped as the car lurched forward, blindly, into traffic.

“CHRIS!” you shrieked, your hands flying toward him, shaking his arm. “OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!”

But he didn’t.

He laughed.

And kept driving.

The headlights of another car came blaring toward you, horn blaring, tires screeching-

You screamed.

With shaking hands and tears streaming down your face, you yanked the emergency brake, the car swerving violently off the road, your body jerking forward against the seatbelt. Gravel crunched beneath the tires as the car skidded onto the shoulder, your heartbeat pounding so loud it drowned out everything else.

And only then- when the world stopped spinning, when the car settled in the dark stillness of the roadside, when your whole body was shaking with terror- did Chris finally open his fucking eyes.

And the fucker was smiling.

A slow, lazy, utterly thrilled smile, like he had won.

You were still gasping for breath, tears spilling down your face as you tried to process what the fuck just happened, when he reached over and cupped your face in his hands.

“Shh,” he cooed, his thumbs stroking your cheeks, his grip firm, inescapable. He leaned in, tilting your chin up, forcing you to look at him through your tears as blood dripped down his fist onto the hoodie you were wearing. “You’re okay, baby. See? I told you you’d be fine.”

And then he kissed you.

You were still crying, still shaking, your whole body running on pure adrenaline, and he fucking kissed you.

His lips moved against yours slowly, deliberately, his grip on your face owning you, holding you in place like you belonged to him. His tongue swiped against your lower lip, his breath hot and steady, like he wasn’t the one who just almost killed you both.

You didn’t kiss him back.

You didn’t fight him off, either.

Because you couldn’t breathe, because you were still trying to process, because you were so fucking scared- and he knew it.

When he pulled back, his eyes were dark, his smirk small, knowing.

“We’re gonna go back to my house,” he murmured, his hands still holding you like you were his. “I’m gonna tell my mom we’re together.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Chris-”

“And you’re gonna be my good girl, just like you always are.” His thumbs brushed your wet cheeks, smearing your tears away. “And you’re gonna play along, okay?”

Your stomach twisted, your throat closing up with a choked sob.

You tried to move, but his hands tightened around your face.

“Okay, baby?” he repeated, softer now, like he was gently coaxing you into insanity.

Your whole body trembled.

“Fuck you,” you whispered, your voice raw, broken.

Chris only grinned.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he chided, pressing another slow, possessive kiss against your lips, barely letting you breathe. “That’s not very good manners.”

His smirk deepened.

“Mary Lou wouldn’t like that.”

Your stomach dropped, fear curling up your spine like a vice.

Chris let go of your face, his fingers trailing over your jaw as he finally pulled back, shifting his focus back to the road.

Then, without another word, he reached down, undid the emergency brake, and pulled back onto the road towards his family house.

And you just sat there.

—

A/N: long overdue part!! thank you for being patient!! i actually loved writing this and can’t wait to get back into this series now that earned it is over!!

MASTERLIST

tags: @mattsobvimyfav @ilovejohnnieguilbertsblog @mattsturnii @starstrucktyrantinfluencer @watercolorskyy @strangecatpeach @katie1002 @1ovesiick @slut4christopherr @mattgirl4eva @mayalovesturn @chriss-slutt @violetstxrniolo777 @urfungi @jxst-Ixving-bxt-wxerd @chrispycremedonut @ranwa0y @princesspinkkk23 @madisonnxtdoor22 @sturniolohohoho @theboredknightcat-blog @hi-people-who-are-alive @middlepartmatt

[anundyingfidelity]

FOR ALL TIME, ALWAYS – Loki x female reader

Summary: Loki escapes the TVA for a moment. Desperate and brokenhearted, he looks for you, his wife, in the Sacred Timeline. Even if you saw him die ten years ago.

Word count: 3.9k.

Warnings: LOTS of angst, some fluff, spoilers of Loki series in general. Language. Maybe I'm not getting how the branches work oops. This is right after the end of 2x02 and before 2x03. My English is also a warning, just in case.

Notes: while looking on the tags I checked a post of someone asking for a TVA Loki fic where he finds the reader but her Loki died in IW (not canon in my head btw). So I wrote it because is such a great idea, but I can't find the original post... ;-; anyway hope you like this!

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

GEN MASTERLIST!

It's harder to stay...

Wasn't this situation hard enough? Sylvie was right. She had a point. But Loki wanted to do the right thing. Maybe he would find a chance... Again, right? Probably he would make the proper decisions this time.

The TVA was already fucked up, and with it, the thousands of timelines and lives in danger within them. Sometimes, it looked like it didn't matter. In the end, they were trying to fix something that was already broken.

Loki let out a deep breath he didn't realise was holding and walked to talk directly to his partner, Mobius.

"I need a favor," Loki mumbled, so the grey-haired man would be the only person to hear his voice.

Mobius met his eyes. He knew that gaze, it meant he was up to something. "What kind of favor?"

The god motioned Mobius to step away from the newly acknowledged variants and far away from what B-15 was witnessing. The branches were pruned from the whole existence; thousands and millions of lifes lost to the void in just the blink of an eye. Loki knew he had to do something before it got worst. Something for himself.

"I need to go the Sacred Timeline," Loki announced.

"Are you nuts?" Mobius scolded, in the same low voice tone Loki had used.

"Is just- listen, it's something I have to do. I really need to go back there. Need to see someone, make sure everything is okay," Loki insisted.

During all the times Loki showed he was desperate, Mobius was sure this was the peak of all of them. He wasn't explaning more than necessary, he looked serious, and his voice was crisp. Loki knew what he wanted at that moment. Mobius sighed, his hands finding the pockets of his pants, unsure of Loki's request.

"So it's personal..."

"A little, yeah," Loki nodded.

"Promise it'll be quick," Mobius said, taking off the TemPad from his pocket and his hand stopped in the air before the object could lay in the god's grip. "Don't make me regret this."

"I won't."

2029, Sacred Timeline

When Loki arrived to his destination, the nerves got the best from him. New York looked no different from the last time he was there. Shifting his usual clothes he wore at the TVA, he chose a plain suit to go undercover, or at least decided he would try to, considering he was a criminal once in Midgard.

But as he walked through the halls of the familiar building he met decades ago, he didn't really care. He longed for something else. Better say, someone. And it was you.

You, who met him in the past right after Thor's banishment, and even helped him to find the Teseract, only to give up to SHIELD and those idiots that people called 'The Avengers'. Of course his heart hurted for a long time, but Loki tried to deny the feelings blooming inside and instead, he just decided to walk away from you, even if that meant hurting you. It was the best.

At least that was what he believed until he checked further his file; the file that Mobius had prepared for him. His life. Even after what he did to your people and planet, you still held no grudges. And Thor was good enough to seek for yours and the sorcerer's, Stephen Strange, help once Hela appeared in their lives.

Loki would never forget the loving look in your beautiful eyes when you saw him again, after years of parting ways. He really paid attention to you while watching his file, and he found there was only love, protection, and care in you. All for him. Someone who didn't deserve it, he thought.

He felt grateful at least he had the pleasure to enjoy happiness for a moment. Even if that meant Asgard was destroyed. Loki already lost his mother, his father, and he almost lost his brother. He couldn't stand losing you either. The simple idea of living without you - even if he didn't know you further than your Loki did - was unbearable pain.

So while in the ship on the way to Midgard with the asgardians and survivors of the Ragnarok, you held a cozy, small wedding when he asked you to marry him. This was one of the parts Loki would replay again and again from his file, with disbelief that he was actually happy and joyful, enjoying a good time with you, his brother, and all the asgardians who survived. Loki felt full of hope after your wedding, thinking fate had better things to come with you as an oficial part of his life.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long, thanks to the Mad Titan. As his steps got near your door, the memory of his brother and your figure mourning on his lifeless body appeared on his mind. It was an image he couldn't erase that easily. Probably, he would never forget that was his original destiny all the way. That was meant to be. And for now, he could not change it.

Loki stopped outside your apartment. He took a deep breath and raised his shaking hand to reach the doorbell. He waited for a moment, not knowing if seconds or minutes went by, it felt eternal. Until the door opened and he saw you.

The bright smile you had on your lips faded away. Your eyes flooded with tears, your forehead was furrowed, and still, Loki thought you were the most beautiful creature in all the Nine Realms.

"Hi..." Loki barely whispered, his eyes were glossy and a single tear also ran down his pale cheek.

You were clearly in shock. You wanted to get closer and finally touch him, to feel him physically. But even if you wanted to move to take his hand to confirm it wasn't a trick of your ruined mind, your body was stiff and your feet were glued to the ground.

"Is this an illusion?" you trembled.

All Loki could do was shaking his head, before muttering. "No..."

"Loki, I saw you die..."

Tears ran down your face, denying to yourself that this was real. That this was really happening to you. And your mind started to wonder all the possible scenarios and reasons on why him, the god of mischief, the only person you loved dearly with all your mind, body and soul, was standing right in front of your door even if he was gone for you... Long gone now. And that couldn't be undone.

"I know you did, my love."

You tried to smile, even a little bit, as he pronounced those words so dearly. Loki came closer to your figure, carefully placing a trembling hand on your cheek, feeling the tears flowing on your skin. You leaned into his touch, with a simpering smile. Such was the effect you had on him, that a silly smile he also had on his lips.

And you realized Loki was so real... His touch, his heat, his smile, his scent, the way he would hold you... Everything about him was exactly as you remembered. You felt his lips brushing softly against yours, gentle and hesitant, and instantly, you melted into a slow kiss, sure knowing that Loki would taste the salt of your tears running down your face. Leaning in closer as the space between would allow you, you savoured each second your breaths allowed, longing to remain right there for eternity. For all time. Always.

"But now I am here... and I can explain," he whispered once you separated your lips from his in the sweetest way.

You let out a soft chuckle. "Mind to enlighten me, oh, god of mischief?"

Finally you guided him inside your apartment. That old apartment Loki saw his other self visiting a couple of times before you were something. It still had your vibe around it and he loved it. He felt like he was at home after a very long time. Once you closed the door, his arms wrapped around your figure, and you let yourself cry, pressing against his chest and with a tight grip of your hands on his coat.

"You don't have any idea of how much I have missed you all these years," you sobbed and his heart shrank on his chest. "I kept wishing every night and every day to be me instead of you."

"My love," he said softly, separating a little and cupping your cheeks with his warm hands. His eyes were red now because of the tears he was holding back again. "Don't say that... It was supposed to happen."

"What?" you mumbled.

Your hands found his wrists and you pulled his palms away from your cheeks. However you kept the contact with him, you just needed to touch him, to feel he was in the flesh. He was alive right now, wasn't he?

"Look, I am not your Loki. I know what you did, what the Avengers did after Thanos-" his voice broke just a bit but he continued. "I know everything. I just couldn't resist knowing there was someone for me, out there in the Nine Realms, capable to love me for who I am," Loki explained as he watched your face. Was it disappointment? Confusion? He didn't know, but he had to tell you the truth.

Your voice came out as a barely audible whisper. "So... you are saying... you're another Loki? Another him?"

He nodded softly. "I am." Loki thought for a moment on how to explain everything, but he just went for what his heart felt it was right. "It's a little complicated. I did something that wasn't supposed to be, and perhaps will sound like I'm insane, but thanks to that I am kind of trapped in time. With an organization that is not what everyone thought it was, hence a multiverse was created. Sponsored by another me, by the way. You are in what is called the Sacred Timeline, where things flow as how they were supposed to since forever. And I just needed to see you after I found out you were the love of my life."

You took a moment to understand everything he said, wishing that his fate would have been different from what originally happened. Loki gave his best, even in the last worst moments, he was changing for good. For you. For Thor... It wasn't fair.

"Your death was supposed to be then?"

"Yes, it was."

"Oh, Loki," you cried. "You know what, I don't care what's happened. I'm just- I feel happy seeing you here... Please tell me everything you've been through. I want to hear your voice again, to know you're with me right now, to feel you near... I'm not crazy, am I?" you chuckled between tears and Loki curved his lips in a smile, wiping your tears from your face with his thumbs.

Loki granted your wish and explained everything, answering every question you had about the lies of the TVA; the files he found out were his whole life; about Sylvie, Mobius and his variants. He spilled all you wanted to hear, asking like a child, until you understood what was happening. You noticed he truly had changed, just like your Loki did when he reunited with Thor before the Ragnarok took over Asgard. It was a bittersweet feeling however, thinking how much they they seemed to each other. They were the same person after all, but this Loki didn't had the chance to continue his path as it was supposed to.

Taking his hand into yours, you leaned towards him and laid down your head on his shoulder while you both sat comfortable in the couch, just enjoying each others company. Your eyes were dry at this point after crying for what it felt were hours, but his voice helped to soothe you enough.

"I'm glad knowing you have someone like Mobius by your side," you said after a quiet moment. "He sounds like a very good friend," you looked at him, waiting for an answer. "Because that's what he is to you, right?"

"He is a great friend, I'm not alone if that is what is troubling you," Loki affirmed.

You let out a sigh. "That is totally a relief to me."

Loki chuckled softly, leaning to leave a kiss on your hair. "Now you've heard everything about me, would I hear something from you?"

"I'm just a mortal, Loki," you smiled. "Doing the normal shit, not the superhero stuff anymore. I am hating my pretty much normal office job every day; I feed the birds when I go outside at the park, also thinking about adopting a cat or a dog... Maybe a dog."

"Or you could do both."

"Yeah, I might. But my place isn't that big for pets. Sometimes I feel like I'm too alone, very much alone... I would love to have a big farm, or a cabin in the mountains with lots of plants, pets and animals to take care of." The idea did sound good for Loki. Hopefuly you could find peace that way. "Do you remember Pepper?" you said, straighting up on the couch to look at him. He nodded. "Well, after Tony died I still visit her and their daughter, Morgan. She is ten years old, could you believe it?" Loki noticed the sorrow and pain you still carried after all those years of losing your friends, your people... "And I've been missing you and mourning you for ten years as well."

"It's not your fault."

"I know, Loki."

"Do whatever is the best for you, my dear... I would have loved to be here with you now, as the Loki from the Sacred Timeline."

You smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Well, either way, you're here now. It's all that matters to me."

Once again, you shared a loving kiss and took his hand to walk to the kitchen, asking him to take a seat in your breakfast bar, glad he decided to search for you in one of your free days. Otherwise, you would have surely missed his visit. But he was looking for you. Probably Loki would have found you anywhere at this point.

You talked some more while you had some tea and ate some cookies that you saved for special days on the shelfs. The afternoon was pleasant, and this was your turn to speak. Loki, coat long gone, was catching up with you and he asked every single thing about your life now. He smiled more than ever, laughed more than you have ever seen, and it was certainly something you could get used to from now on. Knowing you never continued your life with another person made his heart ache though. However, Loki was no one to blame. He would have done the same thing. No other was like you, no one would have replaced you.

"It's my decision," you finally said, reading his face like an open book. "I have loved you, I love you now and I will love you forever."

He took your hand, lacing your fingers with his. "I know..."

"The day we married you gave me a ring. I always have it with me, today I'm not working, but I use this necklace with your ring," you searched for the necklace hiding inside your shirt and taking it off, you showed him the precious jewel hanging on a fine golden chain. The ring he recognized once was from his mother. "I want you to have it."

"No,I can't-"

"But this is what I want. I know I would have to forget, because you will make me forget about this. About you, coming here, risking everything just to see me. So please, take it."

Loki knew you had made a decision, but then if he left, taking your memories away about this day, what was left for you? He had nothing, and it was okay. He would still know he came to the Sacred Timeline; that he kissed you, that you shared a moment together, that you still loved him. But you will have none of that. And you, as human as you were, would die without the memories and without the ring. You would have nothing and he was sure couldn't bear it.

"Perhaps I can have something else to remember you, I want you to keep this ring as a promise," he closed your hand around the necklace. "My promise that I still love you and I will do it. Forever."

And you sighed, taking the necklace back with a smile. Always so stubborn. "Give me a moment."

Loki saw you leave the kitchen for some minutes. While he was alone, he noticed the sunset through the windows, as it was almost ending to welcome the dark sky around the city. He knew he had to go soon. As much as he didn't want to and the simple thought of runing away was starting to hurt him deep inside.

When you arrived, you stood by his seat on the breakfast bar, putting a small photograph, perfect for a passport, on the surface. It was all in black and white, and you looked what you thought it was nice. Loki took it between his hands, lovingly and with a proud smile on his face.

"I used that when I was taking my Master's degree. Looks pretty decent," you joked.

Loki laughed, tears right at the corner of his eyes. "It's more than that. It's perfect."

His smile faded, knowing this meant he had to leave you again. Loki wasn't supposed to have a happy ending, was he? How he wished to stay there by your side.

You kissed his cheek as a sort of goodbye and comfort at the same time, noticing the sudden change on his face and whispered softly. "So you don't search for me on those files."

"Thank you, love."

Loki got on his feet to put his coat on, like some sort of mental preparation before leaving your apartment and the Sacred Timeline. He saved your photograph on his pocket securely along with Mobius' TemPad, pretending to be strong and swallowing all the pain he was feeling right at that moment. You took his hand, lacing your fingers together one last time and walked until you stood there, in the middle of your living room. He looked at you with loving eyes, trying to save your face and your figure before returning to where he was supposed to be now. And it seemed like time had stopped, as everything Loki could see and feel was you and only you.

"I guess is time now," you began, interrupting his mind.

"I guess it is," Loki nodded, expecting an answer from you. Anything. But it never came. You were also trying to save the moment as much as you could.

So he cupped your cheeks, feeling for the last time your warm, soft skin against his palms. He didn't want to talk, because if he would have said something, it meant you were really saying goodbye forever. What Loki didn't know is that you felt the same thing.

Was there something good to say to your lover, whose destiny was just to bring the best from other people with his cruelty and chaos? To the man who had learn to make things better and, in the end, died trying to protect his people and his wife? Was there anything out there that would bring the god of mischief the happiness and love you always knew he deserved? With these branches and multiverse thing, you hoped deep in your heart there was a universe where he found what he longed for so long. This was just one of many of them. Probably he was happy and living in peace in some others.

"I love you, Loki," you mumbled. He caressed your skin with his thumbs and wiped the small tears that were running on your cheeks.

"I love you too."

Loki leaned to kiss you one last time. You welcomed the kiss with shut eyes, savouring his lips and the taste of your tears, mixing now with his own.

The pain started to bloom; every heartbeat felt like a sledgehammer pounding against his chest. He was not ready to let you go, so this was all he could do. The seidr flowed from his fingers, the green lights covering your body with the help of the spell he casted for you was made to protect you from anything that could get out of hand in the Sacred Timeline, particularly from his own hands, the hands of the TVA, or any other danger that could chase you. Because if something would happen to you due to his stubborn decision, Loki knew he wouldn't forgive himself. What he was sure about though, was that he would still look for you until the end of time.

So when the kiss ended, you fell asleep in seconds. He had to take your sleeping figure with his arms to your bedroom, where he carefully laid you down on the bed. Making sure you were comfortable in your sleep, fixing the pillows and the blankets, Loki remained there, just to take in the serenity emanating from you. It was something you had, the ease and calm your aura projected to everyone in the room. This was the last thing Loki wanted to save from you.

He kissed your forehead and dried the tears on your face before standing up. Once you were to wake up in some hours, you would not be able to know everything was real. Loki made sure you thought it was a dream. So that is what you would have in your head. Something you wished for so long that will only be nothing but thoughts, scenes and emotions that felt absolutely true. As real as life could be.

Loki took the TemPad and opened the timedoor to go back to the TVA, where he knew Mobius would be waiting already since he left for hours. Without looking back to your room, he stepped in and forced to compose himself just in case he would bump into someone else. He sighed, observing through the halls of the headquaters as he made his way back to the room that was assigned to him.

At his door, a worried Mobius was already waiting for him, walking in circles.

"God, Loki I thought you were gone for a second," the analyst breathed out. Loki just handed the TemPad and Mobius took it back. He noticed his weary demeanor and teary eyes. "Thank you. Sorry I doubted you for a second."

"It's fine," Loki shrugged it off, looking for something on his pocket. The photograph slipped from his fingers and fell down to the floor. Mobius was quick enough to pick it up for him, but as he gave it back to his owner he observed it thoroughly.

"So this was the personal thing you did," Mobius said, looking the photograph resting on Loki's hand. He remembered that face from his files.

"Yeah... I guess all set now," Loki sighed.

"Good, I hope you're ready for another trip to the Sacred Timeline." Mobius turned to walk away, deciding it was better to give him some time, but he turned back to Loki before doing so. "And if you're feeling like talking about this any day, only between us, just let me know."

And with that, he walked away. Loki smiled, standing alone outside his door.

You were right. Mobius was a good friend.

[seokmn]

TEENAGE DIRTBAG ✮⋆˙

pairing: taesan x gn!reader wc: 1.1k words warnings: mentions of graffiting, kissing, suggestive at the end if you squint

“i have a dream about her. she rings my bell”

“are you sure about this?” taesan asked while zipping up his jacket, whispering because it was in the middle of the night and he didnt want his parents to find out you were still awake and even worse, you were about to go out. “you know,” he smirked. “i wont call you a coward for not wanting to go.”

“shut up, im going with you,” you zip up your jacket as well and put the bag on your shoulder. he sighed and got closer to you. “im being serious now, yn. do you really want to go? you can stay here until i get back or i can do this another day. i dont want you to get into any trouble if something goes wrong.”

“taesan, its fine. im going and thats it, you wont change my mind.”

the boy sighed and put the hood of your jacket on with a small smile. “it’ll be fun, i promise you,” he took the bag off of your shoulder and placed it on his instead, “lets go?” you nodded. “yea, lets go.”

taesan put on his hood and made his way out of his house with you right behind him as you both walked towards your destination, an abandoned house.

as you got to your destination, taesan placed the bag on the floor and opened it up, taking a few spray pain cans out of it. “which color do you want first?” he asked, still looking at the cans. you hummed while looking at the cans in his hands.

the lamppost and the moon being the only things lighting that silent and lifeless place. “pink.”

he hummed and threw the can in your direction, you caught it in the air and mumbled a thank you. taesan chose the black one, shook the can and started to do his graffiti on the wall outside the house. the lines he painted already creating a form as he linked them together.

you watched him before shaking the can in your hand and starting to graffiti as well, but it was clear that your graffiti would turn out into a weird drawing and his would turn into a masterpiece. that’s what always happened, taesan has an amazing talent when it comes to drawing or anything related to it and you have an absurd talent when it comes to writing.

“how do you do that?” you asked as you painted the wall, your eyes darting at taesan’s figure and painting every two seconds. “practice, thats all,” he looked at yours and laughed. “yah! what are you painting?”

“i have no idea!” you laughed as well. “but isnt that what makes the painting artistic? just going with the flow, letting your emotions do the work?” he chuckled and nodded. “guess youre right. i bet it’ll end it up being a cute ass drawing.”

“it’ll definitely beat yours,” he scoffed and was about to say something, but stopped in his tracks when his face suddenly got lightened by a bright white light. his expression turned serious and you immediately turned around to see what was lightening his face and what made his smile die so quickly, only to be met by two cops.

“hey! what are you two doing?!” one of the cops asked, starting to walk towards you. taesan held your hand tightly and swallowed his own saliva. “yn, run.”

you didnt even have time to protest or say anything, taesan was already running, making you run as well because of the grip on your hand. you looked back and saw the cops yelling at you and starting to run as well, their goal being chasing you and do whatever the cops do when they catch teenagers graffiting.

“taesan, we left your bag!”

“you think i care? our lives matter the most!” he said as he kept running, taking glances at the cops and at you to see if youre still doing well every now and then.

you two kept running through the silent and lonely streets, all the things that could be heard were your breathing, yours and the cops footsteps and their yelling demanding you two to stop running.

taesan kept taking glances at you and at the cops, but he was also staying aware of his surroundings, looking around to see if there was any place that you could hide from them. his focused expression was broken by a small smirk when his eyes landed on a dark alley.

he entered the alley and immediately pulled you closer to him, with basically no space between you. “shh…” he covered your mouth as he looked at his side, watching the cops still running in a straight line, knowing they already lost you.

when he was sure that he wasnt listening their footsteps anymore, he uncovered your mouth and let out a deep sigh. “that was close…”

you looked at him amused and out of breath. “hey, you okay? take a deep breath,” taesan placed his hand on your back as he watched you get your breath back. “woah… i felt like i was a subway surfers character.”

he laughed out loud as he heard you comment. “a subway surfers character? but without the subways and the surfing,” he shook his head as he kept laughing, “you’re ridiculous.”

you playfully hit his arm, leaned back on the wall and watched he do the same. “you look cute when your face is all red.”

“yea, running non stop for about ten minutes usually does that to people. your face is also red,” he tilted his head and smirked. “are you saying that i also look cute right now?”

“youre saying it, not me,” you smiled. he looked in your eyes before glancing at your lips. “what? all the adrenaline is making you want to do something bold, han taesan?”

“maybe… why? will you stop me?” he placed his hands on your cheeks. “i dont know, guess you’ll have to do it to find out.”

“then ill gladly do it,” he closed the distance between your lips. his soft lips brushing against yours and making your heart beat faster. it felt like you were running away from the cops once again. the kiss deepened and was only broken later on because of the lack of breathing you both started to feel.

“so, you didnt stop me,” taesan rested his forehead against yours as he saw your smile. “you know, the adrenaline didnt let me. id never kiss you.”

he laughed and tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “sure, pretty little thing. lets go back home and see if you still say that.”

[whoops-all-jennas]

Every Universe - w.a.

Wednesday x witch!reader

"Do you think we're friends in every universe?"

"I hope so."

Summary: You and Wednesday are walking to Jericho after Wednesday had her vision in the meeting house. You have a question for Wednesday which gets her stuck in thought.

Past Lives one-shot

a/n: might have somethings that don't make sense if you haven't read 'We'll Meet Again' or 'Past Lives' but most of this doesn't need that context.

My boots squish into the mud of the dirt path, the rain just stopping a moment ago. Your shoes follow the pace of mine, meeting the same muddy fate.

There is a comfortable silence between us. We never had to try to force conversation, satisfied with merely the presence of one another.

"This is a stupid thought." You begin talking over the occasional patter of water dripping off the leaves. "Do you think we're friends in every universe?"

I stop in place, my boots sinking deeper into the mud. You halt beside me, finding my eyes with yours.

"Like, maybe we're Sherlock Holmes and John Watson." You say with a smile, looking into my eyes as I respond with silence.

You look at the ground with an embarrassed smile as you continue walking. "I told you it was a stupid thought."

You walk ahead of me for a moment, the squish of muddy footsteps filling the woods.

I find myself stuck in place, as if the mud was holding me. The only thing I can think about is that red string.

I find myself smiling as you pull the lever on the blue slushie machine for me. "Tell me when." You say with a smile.

You stop before the blue ice overflows out of the cup. "I didn't say when!" I say, teasingly.

"It was going to spill over, Vada." You grab another cup, holding it under your favorite flavor before looking at me with an expecting glance.

I pull the lever, the colored ice filling the cup.

"When." You say, a playful smile creeps up on my lips as I don't let go.

"Stop!" You playful shout, pulling the cup out of the way as it overflows.

"Vada!" I can't help but giggle as you grab a bunch of napkins to clean your cup.

We're both walking down the street, the lights illuminating our dark path. I hold a grocery bag of sweets and other snacks in hand, my slushie in the other.

I glance at you as I loudly sip from my cup. You're staring at yours, lost in thought with a smile on your face.

"Do you think we get to do stuff like this is every universe?" You say quietly.

I stare at you for a moment, admiring your cute sentiment.

"Of course!" I say with a wide smile.

You raise your eyes from your cup, finding mine as you return the smile.

I'm reading your poem silently as you stand in front of me awkwardly. The warm lights of my bedroom creating the perfect cozy aesthetic.

Your poem clearly follows the idea of two souls destined to be together, no matter what.

I look at you above the paper after I've finished reading, unsure what to do or say.

"So, what do you think Cairo?" You ask, curiously.

I take a deep breath. "I'm not a big fan of the idea of soulmates."

You look at me confused. "What do you mean?"

I stand before sitting next to you in my bed. "Soulmates are destined." I say, holding my eyes onto yours.

"The idea of destined connection dilutes the experience of love." I inch closer, putting my hand on your bare thigh.

"I prefer the idea that we're together because we choose to be, our souls breaking the quantum chains that bind us apart just for a chance to feel each other's touch a moment longer."

You shiver as I caress your thigh. "The feeling of you forever lingering on my skin, itching for just one second longer, as if that would be enough to satiate my hunger."

You're eyes look through mine with infatuation, my 'fancy words' as you would call it always had this effect on you. I move my hand up to your cheek, looking into your eyes lovingly. "Our determination for just that one mere second guiding us in every universe. Even if fate defies us, we would rather die trying than to spare another moment apart."

I slowly bring my face closer to yours, feeling your unsteady breath on me as I glance at your perfect lips. "I would choose you in every universe. Not because we're destined to be, but because there is no one else I'd rather have."

You grab my face, pulling your lips to mine hungrily. Your arms move down, wrapping around my neck as you pull me down to lay on top of you. As our lips touch, I ingrain the feeling permanently into my mind.

I murmur awake to the sound of a heartbeat monitor. The pain of all my wounds from the Ghostface attack quickly settling in as I open my eyes.

I feel another sensation, the feeling of your hand in mine. After I recognize this feeling it's as if all my pain fades away.

My eyelids finally finish prying themselves apart to find you asleep by my hospital bed, hunched over in a chair. Even as you sleep, you tightly grip my hand, as if you're you're afraid you'll let go.

I find myself smiling, admiring you at my bedside. I squeeze your hand in an attempt to wake you.

You squirm a bit in your seat, your grip tight as ever.

Your eyes open, adjusting to the harsh fluorescent lights.

"Tara!" You jump awake, a noticable weight off you after you see my smile.

Your grip loosens for a moment before squeezing my hand once again. "I uh- How're you feeling?"

My smile widens under the mere presence of you. "Better now."

You place your other hand over mine, caressing my knuckles lovingly. "I'm not leaving this hospital unless you're leaving with me."

I find myself lost in your hands, watching your thumb gently move between my knuckles as if I could break if not handled with care. I always loved how gentle you were with me. You manage to make me feel like a beautiful flower, scared to damage my petals and stem that I only see as a part of me, but you see it as so much more.

"I hope you're there for me in every universe." I say, looking up from your gentle hands to your eyes. "I don't know how well I would have handled this on my own."

The heartbeat monitor fills the momentary silence between us, words forming in your thoughts.

"I know I'm there for you in every universe, the same way you're there for me." You look into my eyes as if they were windows, your emotions passing through with ease.

I focus on the caring sensation of your touch, allowing your love into the windows to my soul.

I look back on the vision of our past selves I had in the meeting house, feeling the red string that binds us inside me.

"Wednesday?" You ask, stopped ahead of me.

I pry my boots out of the mud, the deepest it sunk into the ground. My squishy footsteps fill the woods as I catch up to be by your side.

"I believe we're together in every universe, whether it's because we found each, or because we choose to." I say, attempting to hide the emotion that so strongly desired to be on stage.

A genuine smile replaces the embarrassment on your face before turning to continue walking, our comfortable silence resuming as we head back to Jericho.

a/n: heyy hope you enjoyed this super short thingie. I plan on making more past lives one-shots before s2 of Wednesday releases. feel free to request ideas for that :))

[faustiantales]

𝖎𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘

Dark Descent: Osamu Dazai X fem/afab!Reader

Twisted Truths: incest, beast universe, osamu is overprotective and possessive, dubcon, fingering, vaginal penetration, creampie, pet names

Synopsis: As the boss of Port Mafia, Osamu isn't alien to a life of crime and cruelty. He is a man bathed in the tainted world… a man who is destined to die alone, without any meaningful connections with others. Yet, the only one who was always by his side was none other than his beloved little sister — his life, his anchor, his entire world.

Shadows Lengthen: 1.9k words

        "Is it good when I touch you here?"  The boss's fingers caressed her smooth inner thighs, the sensation sending an unwelcome shiver up her spine. A subtle smirk emerged on his lips, watching as the girl's expression contorted into pure pleasure when he inched closer to her throbbing heat... until finally, he inserted a finger into her wet entrance. "Or maybe here?"

        "Ngh! Niisama..." she breathed, forcing her lids open to look at her beloved brother. "...feels... so good..."

        Osamu chuckled, his expression softening. With his free hand, he brushed a stray strand of [h/c] hair away from her beautiful face, relishing the softness of her skin and admiring her flushed-out expression. He continued fingering her slick cunt, his digits moving in a deliberate pattern that he knew would drive her wild.

        Dazai Osamu, the current boss of the Port Mafia, is a man of cruelty and cunning. He became the leader of this crime organization at such a young age, expanded his influence, and made enemies in the process. He is logical and calculating, and has no remorse for any misdeeds he has done. Many respected him. Many feared him. Many despised him.

        Yet, despite his grim and inhuman personality, the man can shift his entire personality just for a single person, [Y/n]. In front of his younger sister, he is a gentle and loving brother, one who could not bring himself to harm a fly if it meant she'd be sad. Dazai [Y/n], a young teen who's four years younger than him, was his entire world. She is the only light in this dark and bleak world. She is the untainted soul amidst the brutality of the underworld.

        The man knew that this life that he led was a stark contrast to the life he wanted his sister to live. Yet, he couldn't possibly let her go and explore the real world alone, could he? No, no. That's absolutely unacceptable. If she were to be left alone without the protection and guidance of her older brother, who knew what would happen to her? He'd seen the worst in humanity, and he wasn't about to let his sister become a part of it.

        That's why Osamu decided to have her stay close—to ensure she's safe where he can see her. They were together when they were young and will stay together until the bitter end. The man will ensure that his sister's purity and innocence will not be tainted by the darkness that he is wading in. He will ensure to keep her safe, to spoil her lots and let her feel loved, and to teach her all the things she needed to know by himself. He couldn't let a random stranger corrupt his sister's mind, could he? Absolutely not.

        "Be a good girl for Niisama, hm?" He purred, leaning down gently onto her naked body to plant kisses along her face, neck, and collarbone. His touch, usually reserved for pain and punishment, is tender and intimate as he explores her body. Every spot he touched was like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower. "I love you, sweetie."

        "I love you too, Niisama," she mumbled, the words like a sacred promise slipping out of her mouth. Her eyes fluttered shut as she gave in to the feeling of his touch.

        Osamu's expression was bittersweet, a complex cocktail of love, possessiveness, and guilt. He knew this was wrong, but he couldn't resist the allure of her innocence, her purity. He had to keep her close, keep her safe, keep her his. His thumb found her clit, and he began to circle it, feeling her body tense and shiver beneath his touch. He had been her protector, her provider, her teacher, and now, in this twisted reality, her lover too.

        "Niisama!" She gasped, her body instinctively arching back from her brother's ministration. Her hands found leverage on his shoulder, her nails digging into his black coat as a way to ground herself.

        [Y/n] mewled out his title again and again, like a chant being performed in a holy ritual. She squirmed beneath him as the older Dazai continued his gentle yet fast fingering into her squelching cunt, his mouth finding solace against her soft lips in a passionate and desperate kiss.

        It didn't take long for the young girl to feel her impending release, and Osamu hastened his pace, knowing full well what his little sister needed. He consumed her moans — his mouth latched itself onto her lips without a hint of letting go, only barely pulling back for a gasp of air before he explored her cavern once more. His other hand trailed along the side of her body, each path leaving a burning sensation against her skin. His touch, although as light as a feather, felt like it was branding her with his ownership, and she found it thrilling.

        Her legs quivered, a silent plea for more, as his fingers plunged deeper into her warmth. The sound of their kisses, of her wetness, filled the quiet room. The room was theirs, a sanctuary of twisted love amidst the chaos of the mafia world. Osamu's thumb circled her clit with firm pressure, and she couldn't help but let out a whimper. He knew her body so well, knew every button to push to make her moan aloud.

        "Cum, sweetie. Don't hold back. Let it all out. Niisama's got you," he encouraged, voice as soft and gentle as possible.

        His thumb increased its pace, pressing harder against her sensitive nub. [Y/n]'s breath grew ragged, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body quivered as waves of pleasure crashed over her, her walls tightening around his invading fingers. Osamu felt her clench around him, and he knew she was close. He withdrew his hand, leaving her panting and desperate. He didn't miss the flash of disappointment in her eyes as she opened them, only to be met with his smoldering gaze.

        "Not yet," he murmured, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "We have all night, and Niisama isn't done with you."

        Osamu sat up, his eyes never leaving hers as he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants. His cock sprang free, thick and hard with desire for her. One by one, his remaining garments were discarded on the floor. The boss's body was lean, yet muscular, a testament to the brutal life he led. [Y/n] stared, her eyes raking over the familiar naked body of her older brother. Then, her gaze traveled down between his legs, gulping as she took in his massive, throbbing cock.

        Her cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink, and she nodded silently, eyes still glued to his manhood. He took that as an invitation and shifted his body over hers, aligning his cock with her wet pussy. The head of his cock nudged against her opening, sending a jolt of anticipation through her body. She felt a twinge of fear, knowing the size of him would stretch her more than she ever had been, but she bit her lip and trusted him.

        With a gentle push, Osamu entered her, observing her expression for any signs of pain. She gasped, her eyes widening in surprise, but she didn't protest. Instead, she wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him to go deeper. He took his time, inch by inch, filling her until she was completely sheathed around him. He leaned down to kiss her again, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as he began to thrust.

        Her nails dug into his back as he moved, his strokes slow and deliberate. He wanted to savor this moment, to make it last as long as he could. He felt her walls tighten around him, and he knew she was close again. He reached between them, finding her clit with his thumb and resuming his earlier motion. Her moans grew louder, echoing off the walls of the room, mixing with his grunts of pleasure.

        The room was filled with the sweet scent of their love, the gentle sounds of their shared breaths, and the rhythmic rustling of their bodies moving in harmony. The brunette felt his heart swell with affection as he listened to her moan his endeared title in the throes of passion. He knew he was crossing a line that many would consider taboo, but in his twisted world, this was the purest form of love he could offer her.

        "Niisama... more..." she begged, and he was more than happy to oblige.

        He quickened his pace, driving into her with more force, each thrust sending a wave of pleasure through her body. He felt her getting closer, her breaths hitching, her body trembling. He knew she was going to cum, and he wanted to be the one to push her over the edge.

        "Cum for me, sweetie," he murmured, his voice strained with his desire. "Cum for Niisama."

        Her orgasm hit her like a tidal wave, crashing over her and leaving her breathless. Her body spasmed around him, tightening and releasing in rapid succession. Osamu groaned, the sensation of her climax pushing him closer to his own. He kissed her neck, feeling her pulse race beneath his lips, and increased his speed, driving them both to the brink.

        With one final, powerful thrust, Osamu released his load inside her, filling her with his warmth. He collapsed onto her, panting and sweaty, feeling her heart hammering against his chest. He held her close, whispering words of love and reassurance as they both rode out the aftershocks of their shared pleasure.

        "I love you, [Y/n]," the man proclaimed, his voice a silent promise. His expression contained a rare vulnerability and fragile hope that seemed out of place in the cold, hardened mafia boss's repertoire. "Now and always."

        "I love you too... Niisama," she murmured, her voice a sweet melody that resonated within him. Her eyes searched his, looking for any trace of doubt or malice, but found only an ocean of genuine affection and protectiveness.

        Dazai Osamu, the feared mafia boss, had shown her a side of himself that no one else had ever seen. A side that was gentle, loving, and fiercely devoted to her. His lips curved once more into a minuscule smile, his dark, lifeless, brown orbs welling up with unspoken tears.

        He leaned down, his lips pressed against hers in a soft, lingering kiss. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she felt his love, his need, his everything. The way his tongue danced with hers was a silent promise of eternal protection and care. It was a dance of love and dominance, a declaration of his unwavering dedication to her.

        Their love was wrong in the eyes of the world, but in their twisted reality, it was the only thing that made sense. They were two halves of a whole, bound by blood and by this forbidden desire that burned within them. And as they lay there, Osamu knew that he would never let anyone else touch her, never let anyone else claim her as their own. She was his, and he would protect her with every fiber of his being.

📜— Return to the Shadowed Archive

[novaursa]

To Hold Back The Night

- Summary: The Stranger was a familiar companion for you. And Jace decides to hold your hand while you dream of death.

- Pairing: sister!reader/Jacaerys Velaryon

- Rating: Mature 16+

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround

Everybody dies.

They call it “living,” but in truth, it’s just dying slowly, one breath at a time. You know this because you see it—every death, every scream, every fire-laced ruin. You die each time your eyelids close. You dream, not of soaring, nor of love, nor even of warmth, but of endings. And though you live now, you have died before. You died even before you were born. And you will die again and again, caught in this endless cycle of death and rebirth, trapped in the web of time’s cruelty, a flame only destined to burn itself out.

Tonight, you stand alone on the balcony, looking out at the angry, storm-tossed sea. The storm rages above Dragonstone, a swirling cauldron of lightning and dark clouds, and it feels like a heartbeat—a pulse of wrath in the sky, matching the fury in your dreams. You think of your brothers, each bound to a fate you cannot change.

Jacaerys—the one they call “the Heir,” the one with a fire so fierce it rivals your mother’s, fierce enough to drown even the dreams that haunt you. You see him, armored and cloaked in the colors of your house, riding Vermax into battle. The flames lick at his heels, the heat of dragonfire tearing the sky as he fights against that which cannot be bested. And then, there is nothing. Just silence and ashes, his face turned to the cold earth, eyes empty, his crown no more than a twisted thing in the mud.

And Lucerys. Sweet Luke, with his gentle laughter and kind eyes. You feel his fear as he faces a darkness far greater than any he could’ve imagined. Vhagar’s shadow, vast and relentless, looms over him in your visions. You hear the thunderous beat of her wings, and you feel his last breath, the weight of that terror as he is torn from the sky and cast down into the churning waters below. The waves swallow him, and he is gone, just like that, leaving nothing behind but the ghost of a laugh.

Little Joffrey, too young to understand, too young to dream of anything but glory and warmth. He laughs at death as a child would, thinking himself invincible. But you see him surrounded by blood and smoke, his cries lost in the thunder of battle, his body colliding to the ground so fast it doesn't even make the sound once he hits the ground. His death is swift, brutal, the life draining from him with the innocence of his last smile.

Your mother… Rhaenyra, who burns with a fierce love for all of you, so certain that she can shield you all from the flames. But in the end, it is she who stands alone against a tide of betrayal, against the very people she once trusted. You see her, wounded and broken, betrayed by kin and throne alike. They strip her dignity, casting her aside as if she were nothing. And there, in the depths of Dragonstone, in the shadows where no light dares to reach, you see her final moments—a proud queen brought low, left to die in a darkness so deep it seems to swallow even the flame in her eyes.

You breathe, slow and trembling, as you feel each death, as real as if it were your own. Each night, the dreams claim you, binding you to a fate you cannot escape. And though you dread them, you embrace them, too, for they are all you have of them when the waking world fails to provide comfort.

“Do you think I am mad?” you whisper to the storm, letting the words vanish into the roaring winds. The heavens offer no answer, only a fresh burst of lightning, illuminating the dark waves below.

“She would say so,” you murmur, thinking of your mother’s worried glances, the way she would press her hand to your forehead, checking for fevers that were never there. “Or maybe it is the gods’ cruelty, a torment meant for those born under the shadow of dragons.”

You do not hear the door open, nor the footsteps drawing closer, but suddenly, there is a warmth behind you, a familiar presence.

“Y/N.”

His voice is soft, yet it holds that quiet strength you have always known, a steadying force amid the storms that plague your mind. Jacaerys steps closer, his hand gentle as it finds yours, fingers warm against the cold that has seeped into your skin. “Come back inside. You’ll freeze out here.”

You shake your head, your gaze still locked on the storm-tossed horizon. “I… can’t, Jace. Every time I close my eyes, I see it—all of it. How it ends. How you die. How Mother dies. How… I die, too.” The words spill from your lips, raw and unbidden, the pain of it gnawing at your chest.

His grip on your hand tightens, a gentle anchor pulling you back. “Then don’t close your eyes,” he whispers. “Stay here, with me.”

You turn, finally, meeting his gaze. His face is etched with worry, his dark eyes searching yours with a desperation that tugs at your heart. He brushes a damp strand of hair from your face, his thumb tracing your cheek in a tender gesture that speaks of years of unspoken promises.

“You aren’t alone in this,” he says softly. “Whatever it is you see, whatever you fight against, I will be right by your side.”

Jacaerys found his mother in the solar, a fire crackling in the hearth as she poured over letters and maps by candlelight. Her brows were drawn tight in concentration, shadows dancing across her face, making her look older, wearier, though her fierce beauty still shone through. When she saw him lingering in the doorway, her expression softened.

“Jace,” Rhaenyra said, gesturing for him to come closer. “What troubles you? I can see it in your eyes.”

He stepped forward, closing the door behind him to ensure they were alone. He hesitated, the words feeling heavy on his tongue, tangled with worry and fear. “It’s… it’s Y/N,” he began, his voice quieter than he’d intended.

Rhaenyra’s gaze sharpened, concern flickering over her face. “What of her?”

Jacaerys sighed, running a hand through his hair, his fingers trembling as he tried to find the right words. “She… she’s not well, Mother. The dreams… they’re getting worse. She can’t sleep without seeing death. She told me last night she sees us all… dying, over and over. She’s haunted by it.”

Rhaenyra’s face tightened, the lines of worry deepening. “I know. I’ve seen it too, Jace. The way she wanders, the darkness under her eyes… her heart is burdened with things even I can’t understand.” Her voice grew softer, almost mournful. “I wish I could reach her, soothe her fears, but she holds it all so close. It’s as if she’s bearing the weight of the realm alone.”

Jacaerys clenched his fists, his frustration evident. “She shouldn’t have to, Mother. I can’t bear to see her suffer like this. Last night, I found her standing on the balcony, drenched by the rain, staring out as if she were ready to throw herself to the waves.” He swallowed, his voice catching. “And I know… I know it won’t end if something doesn’t change.”

Rhaenyra looked at him, her expression unreadable. “What would you have me do, Jace? I’ve done all I can to help her, to comfort her.”

Jacaerys took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Let me marry her.”

Rhaenyra’s eyes widened, a sharp intake of breath escaping her. “Jacaerys… are you certain? This is not a simple choice. And that path carries its own burdens.”

“I know,” he replied, his voice firm. “But I love her, Mother. And I believe… I believe she needs someone who can be there, always, to help her bear the dreams, to remind her that she isn’t alone. I can do that. I want to do that.”

Rhaenyra studied him, her expression thoughtful, though there was a hint of pain in her gaze. “You think marriage will save her?”

“I don’t know if it will save her,” he admitted, his voice breaking with the weight of his helplessness. “But I can try to give her something solid, something real to hold onto. Every day, I see her slipping further away, lost to those visions, and it’s like watching a flame gutter in the wind. If there’s a chance—if there’s anything I can do to keep her with us, I’ll do it.”

Rhaenyra’s fingers tapped softly against the table, her own gaze turning inward as she considered his words. “When she was born,” she said quietly, “she was small and frail. The maesters doubted she would survive, but I held her close and willed her to live, every night praying that she would see another day.” Her voice trembled slightly. “And now, after all this… I fear she carries a burden I cannot lift. I see her suffering, and I know the pain it causes you. I feel it too.”

“Then let me be the one to help her,” Jacaerys pleaded. “Let me share that burden. Maybe, if she knows she isn’t alone, if she has someone who understands, it might ease the darkness.”

Rhaenyra’s gaze softened, her maternal love evident. “You truly love her, don’t you?”

“With all my heart,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “I would do anything for her.”

She sighed, looking at him with both pride and sorrow. “You are more like your father than you know, Jace. Brave and loyal to a fault. If you believe this is the path, if you think it will bring her peace… then I will not stand in your way.”

Relief washed over him, and he reached out to grasp her hand. “Thank you, Mother. I will not fail her.”

Rhaenyra squeezed his hand, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “See to it that you don’t. Our family has already seen too much pain, too much loss. I cannot bear to lose either of you.”

Jacaerys nodded, a fierce determination settling in his heart. He would stand by his sister, would anchor her against the currents that sought to pull her under. And perhaps, together, they could find a way to break free from the nightmares that bound her.

As he left the room, he felt the weight of responsibility settle on his shoulders. But in his heart, there was a flicker of hope. He would find a way to reach her, to draw her back from the brink.

And he would never let her go.

The morning sun crept through the windows of your chamber. You lay still, eyes fixed on the ceiling, caught between sleep and waking, lingering in the half-light where dreams clung to you like shadows. Every breath felt weighted, every beat of your heart like the tolling of some distant bell. The visions had come again, the same as they always did—death and fire and faces you loved slipping away into the dark.

The door creaked open, and you felt a presence fill the room before you saw him. You knew it was Jace. There was a warmth, a steady strength in the air that belonged only to him.

“Y/N?” His voice was soft, hesitant, as though he feared disturbing you.

You turned your head, meeting his gaze. There was worry in his dark eyes, the kind that lingered even when he smiled, though his lips trembled in a faint, hopeful curve. He stepped closer, and you felt his warmth, his hand reaching out but stopping short, hovering as if uncertain.

“Are you… feeling any better?” he asked, his voice gentle.

You gave a faint, humorless smile. “Better? I think that word doesn’t mean much to me anymore, Jace.” Your voice sounded distant, hollow, as though it were echoing from somewhere deep within you. “The dreams never stop. Every night, they grow sharper, more vivid. And I… I am powerless against them.”

Jace’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing. Instead, he knelt beside your bed, looking up at you with an intensity that made your chest ache.

“Y/N, there’s… there’s something I need to tell you,” he began, his voice thick with emotion. “I spoke with Mother.”

“Oh?” You raised an eyebrow, knowing the weight of his words before he even said them. His gaze softened, and he reached for your hand, his fingers brushing over yours in a touch that was both warm and hesitant, as though he feared you might vanish.

“We are to be married,” he said quietly, watching your reaction, his eyes searching for something—hope, perhaps, or at least acceptance.

You felt a strange stillness settle over you, a quiet that almost numbed the words. You knew his intentions, the depth of his care, the fierce way he held on to hope. But you also knew the truth—the truth the dreams had shown you time and again. You let your fingers slip away from his, folding your hands in your lap as you looked down, avoiding his gaze.

“That shouldn’t happen,” you murmured, a hollow note in your voice.

He looked taken aback, hurt flashing across his face. “Why? Y/N, I… I love you. I want to help you, to share this burden, to remind you that you’re not alone.”

You closed your eyes, feeling the weight of those dreams settle heavily upon you once more. “Jace, every time I close my eyes, I see death. Our family is crumbling, falling to ruin, and I see myself at the center of it all. How can you say you love me when I bring only suffering?”

His hands reached for yours again, stronger this time, refusing to let go. “You don’t bring suffering, Y/N. You are suffering alone, and I can’t bear it.” His voice broke slightly, and you could see the raw emotion shimmering in his eyes. “You don’t deserve to carry this alone. Let me be there with you, through whatever comes.”

You shook your head, swallowing hard as you pulled your hands free from his grasp. “No, Jace. Don’t you understand? In my dreams, I see you die, over and over. I see you fall, burning. If we marry, I will only draw you closer to that fate. I… I cannot do that to you.”

He leaned forward, capturing your gaze with a fierce determination. “Then let me die by your side, if that is what fate holds,” he said, his voice a low, steady murmur. “If the future is as dark as you say, then I’d rather face it with you than run from it alone. Let me be the one to stand beside you, whatever may come.”

Your throat tightened, words tangling in a knot of fear and longing. “Jace… you don’t know what you’re asking. You don’t know what I’ve seen. I am haunted, every moment, every breath. There is a darkness around me that you cannot see.”

“I see you,” he whispered, his voice rough and resolute. “And that is enough.”

You felt a tear slip down your cheek, and he reached up to brush it away, his touch warm and gentle, like the promise of sunlight breaking through clouds. “Please, Y/N. Don’t push me away. Let me be here with you, let me share the burden.”

For a moment, you allowed yourself to hope, to think that perhaps his love could be enough to shield you, that perhaps this weight could be lightened. But then the visions surfaced again, sharp and unyielding, and you saw it once more—Jace, falling, burning, slipping from your grasp as fate tore him away.

“No, Jace,” you whispered, voice trembling as you pulled back. “It would be selfish of me. I can’t… I can’t be the reason you suffer, the reason you fall.”

He shook his head, frustration and love warring in his gaze. “Y/N, this isn’t just about you. This is about us. Don’t you understand? I would rather suffer by your side than live without you.”

The silence between you was thick, filled with all the unspoken fears and dreams, the shadows of what could be and what would never come to pass. Finally, you turned away, the words barely escaping your lips.

“If you marry me, you will only bring the end closer.”

He rose to his feet, standing over you, his hand still hovering as if he wanted to touch you but feared you would slip away. “Then let it come,” he murmured. “Let the end come, if that is what it means to love you. But I will not turn away, Y/N. I will not abandon you to the dark.”

A part of you wanted to believe him, to let yourself fall into his embrace and allow him to bear the weight of your pain. But you knew, deep down, that the darkness within you was a burden only you could carry.

“Then we will face it as one,” he whispered, determination firm in his gaze, as if he could will away your fears by sheer force of love. “Even if it means standing in the fire.”

And though a part of you wanted to protest, to argue, you felt yourself soften, your heart stirring with a fragile, flickering hope. Perhaps, just perhaps, you could stand beside him in the dark. Perhaps, with him, the dreams would loosen their hold, and you could find a measure of peace.

But the shadows lingered, and even as he held you, the visions danced on the edge of your mind, whispering that love was just another kind of flame, destined to burn out.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM "LONESOME DREAMS" BY LORD HURON *  assorted lines from the album, adjust as necessary

i'm gonna see where it leads.

would you follow me?

there's a world that was meant for our eyes to see.

i'm gonna whistle a tune.

please don't say i'm going alone.

i'm ready to die for you.

what good is living a life you've been given if all you do is stand in one place?

i'm still gonna try.

i guess i'm going alone.

it's time to run.

they'll string me up for all that i've done.

i'm going soon, gonna leave tonight.

i did it all for you.

what's a man to say?

they'll be looking for me.

i should be on my way.

i will not ask for your forgiveness.

lower your defense.

please don't tell them where i went.

i feel i should know this place.

what am i destined to be?

it's a mystery.

please don't leave me alone.

can it be as real as it seems?

i'm going away for a long time.

she's in my every thought.

she left no trace.

when i last saw her, she was dancing alone.

i'll search the world until there's no place left to go.

i remember the fateful day when i ran away.

you told me i couldn't return.

you made me swear i'd never forget.

i made a vow i'd see you again.

i've been running a long, long time.

i can't seem to leave it behind.

we're all gonna die.

i love this world and i don't wanna leave it.

they say that death is a deal that you cannot refuse.

i love you, and i don't want to lose you.

i want to be the man that lives forever.

my life's better when we're together.

why can't our story just go on forever?

they say life without end wouldn't have any meaning.

the point of my life is to be with you, baby.

where have you been, darling?

what have you done?

you were out finding trouble again.

there's blood on your hands.

come inside and lie down to sleep.

rest awhile. they're coming for you.

there's a price to be paid for the things that we do.

dream of when you were innocent.

this kind of trouble won't just go away.

lay down your head, and i'll sing you to sleep.

how long have i known you?

some kind of trouble is coming.

i will stand by you.

i've shared my life with you.

you say we're not like the others.

all things must end.

i know we can't stop what's coming.

will you fight with me?

don't turn away.

don't tell me that we're not the same.

our time will come, but not today.

i stand beside you. i'm with you 'til the end.

you've been done for a long, long time.

you've been on my mind.

you are the purest soul i've ever known in my life.

you know where you can find me again.

when you left, i was far too young.

i would wait for a thousand years.

you just let me know that you're coming home, and i'll wait for you.

years have gone by, but the pain is the same.

you are my protector and my best friend.

they say you're gone, and that i should move on.

how do they know? well, they don't.

i can't trust anyone or anything these days.

if you are who you say you are, then show your face.

your voice... it sounds familiar.

you are not what you seem.

i've decided if it kills me, i'll find out what you're about.

i'm not afraid to die.

i've kept close watch upon you and i don't like what i see.

[evilminji]

Am once again thinking? About how? In the depths of despair, hope is a radical act of defiance?

SI-OC's are given a SHIT lot, you know? For plot convenience, we like to put them where they realistically COULD probably change something? But statistically? They're more likely not gonna be that lucky.

They're gonna KNOW, with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that they were born doomed.

That Death comes at a specific time at a specific hand.

Like Cassandra. Knowing the end, even as the live through the beginning and middle. Struggling with the hopelessness of it all. Trying to find meaning. And? Make no mistake! There IS meaning. All lives end. Just because the REST of us don't know the deadline? Doesn't mean it doesn't exsist.

It does. It will. And we will face it.

Just a bit harder, knowing in advanced. Learning to live with the knowledge. But? Those with terminal illnesses do so everyday. We adapt. They will, ultimately, find a bitter or wise sort of acceptance. A PEACE.

But?? I think about it. That child. Reeling and struggling to breathe, the panic making everything... Too Much? Force Sensitive. For how ELSE could the Force bring them there? Sitting in a less used back hallway, off to the side in a little enclosed arch, smooshed behind a statue.

The Master's try and try to teach them peace. To get them to release their FEAR. But they do not LISTEN. Do not ADDRESS the underlying cause. And you can not address symptoms alone, and expect an illness to heal. It is rotting them from within, this fear. Hurting them.

The others JUDGE. Distant, benevolent concern.

Yet, all they see? Is an angry, fearful, stubborn child. Lashing out. Antisocial.

Destined for the Dark Side.

The Jedi have lost their compassion, to the their fear and ignorance. Their attachments to traditions. It is a painful thing, to see up close. They are people though. Just... just PEOPLE. Flawed. It's not their fault that they're not perfect.

Doesn't help SI-OC though, does it?

And she (Because I am a her. It could be anyone but it is easier for me if I pick) is hurting. Alone. Replaying the phantoms of her death, both past and future, again and again and AGAIN. Like torture. And the Dark...? It does whisper...

Don't you want to LIVE? Aren't you SCARED? You're so WEAK... you could FIX that. Save EVERYONE. Don't those infants, those babies, deserve to survive? You're so SELFISH. The FEAR hurts, doesn't it? It could go away. The DOUBT could go away.

You Could Be FREE.

It's exhausting. Everyday. More and more. As the fear and social isolation grows. As other Jedi pull back from her darkening energy, grow stricker, more doubtful of her. She so tired. Doesn't want to die. She's SCARED. Lonely. Scared. Lonely. Scared. Lone-...

And then a droid rolls up.

Nothing special. Just a maintenance droid. One of many. But an older one. Who's had time to develop their learning algorithm. BECOME. They like kids, hate certain vermin species more then others, like the color light blue for it "flower color" nature. A SPECIFIC flower mind you. It has favorites.

But! Why is the smol jedi down here? This is not a good place for smol jedi. You are upset. Unacceptable. Want to see me do a trick? I figured out how to do some. I can also whistle a few simple songs. Cheer up Smol Jedi. Here, I will sit with you. I have archive access, let's watch a documentary. Educational! Smol jedi LOVE downloading new Information Modules.

And like? She... she doesn't speak binary? But she can k-kinda? Feel? The Force signature of this droid? They DO get them. If the AI's don't get memory wiped routinely. They become people, just like anyone else. Assuming they have the processing and memory banks for it, at least.

This one certainly does.

S..so yeah, guess we'll? Watch this documentary about seashells?

It helps. A LOT. In fact... all of the droids are really, really nice. Patient. Have no horrifying Future Knowledge tied to them. They can't sense SHIT. So she's just... just a baby Jedi, to them.

They help A LOT, honestly? It's so soothing. Escaping the watching and the distance. The judgements. The forever watching your words and walking on eggshells, lest to start some sort of argument. She can do class work. Meditate. Slowly parse through her Binary language module. Learn droid maintenance. Make droid friends.

Slowly drop of the face of the map, to live with the droids.

They get concerned. According to the early childhood development modules they downloaded and are sharing between them? This is? In fact? NOT healthy behavior for a member of her species. In fact, there are many statistics that say it is UNHEALTHY! She is also missing Critical Maintenance Appointments! "Shots" and "dental" things!

Unacceptable.

R2-D2! Retrieve the Skywalker! We require an Adult Humanoid!

Her life fuckin? Flashes before her eyes? Minding her business. Depressed but functional, in the maintenance tunnels under the Temple. When? FUCKING the YOUNGLING KILLER 5000 just ROLLS UP like "sup." And tries to catch her?

Ha HA! FUCK NO. Not today Satan!

I may be destined to die? But IM GOING TO BE A SQUIRRELLY BITCH ABOUT IT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME, YOU FUCK!

Peaceful. Dignified. Serene. Truely... exemplifying the Jedi way~☆

.....As she tries to chew his and/or her arm off to get free like a feral coyote. Maybe both. Hissing like an enraged pit of snakes. Biting like a sack of wet and cornered wolverines. Anikin having to hold her WELL away from his body by the scruff.

Ah~ Children. Ain't they cute?

Quick question! What the FUCK? He just wants to talk. No, really. WHY is there a feral child in the basement? WHO the KARK was supposed to be supervising her? Look at her! She BITES now! Is terrified!

And frankly? He's taking it kinda? Personally? That everyone is treating this ACTUAL CHILD like she's diseased. He remembers this. Back when he first got here. His fear being used against him like it was some sort of moral failing. And... and yeah, maybe he's projecting. But?

He sees himself.

Until now? Never realized just how YOUNG and SMALL? Nine years old truely IS. He had felt so much older. So much wiser. But? Look at her. LOOK! That is a CHILD! In need of guidance. Safety. Assurance.

....Help.

Help that HE never really got. And even now... even NOW? That fear from back then? It eats him up inside. R2's right. She DOES need him. Who else in this temple could understand?

What it's like to be... to be so AFRAID?

And isn't that the worst? To see the Good Man up close? Shining and compassionate? A friend. A MENTOR. Someone... someone made REAL? Instead of just the terrible dread on the horizen? Because now... now her nightmares have the face of someone she loves. Now it is a BETRAYAL. Not just a death.

Worse... he doesn't even know this is cruel.

And telling him? Oh telling him would just lose you the only humanoid friend you HAVE.

Grief comes in stages. But with a mentor and the Droids? She work through it. The fear eases. The pain numbs. Acceptance blooms like dawn after a cold, cruel night. Far on the horizon. But with each moment? Closer. Until again, she stand in the light.

Still, she can not forget. How could she? Even when the other Jedi are SO RELIEVED that she is better now. That her meditations or treatments have lead her back to the light. All she can think? Is how they would have let her Fall. To save themselves. In FEAR. In JUDGEMENT.

They treated her like leper. Except? Less so! An actual leper? They would treat with real compassion.

It's as though they fear the Dark so much, they would sacrifice their own to avoid even the briefest touch of it. Speak of it in absolutes. Like it's a boogy man that hunts them in the night. Mace Windu the exception, the outlier. A man somehow too exceptional to even be counted.

How could she forget that?

Suddenly she acceptable again. They want to chat and meditate with her again. Care about her. Want to include her. Have the audacity to pretend. As though they can sweep away the hurt. Release the pain into the force without addressing the cause.

That is not how that WORKS. Not pain, not the Force, and certainly not people.

But she is tired. Does not wish to spend her limited lifespan, trying and fighting, hurting to make the stubborn understand that which they will not. Willful Ignorance is a choice. Lack of compassion equally so.

May the Force be With You, Masters.

She spends time with her droids. The babies. Around people. Polite but distant. Feels unmoored. That is... until? She, helping in the maintenance bay, overhears a rather nasty Goverment official from the Droids Regulations Office (or whatever they're currently calling it. They keep rebranding) tearing into an engineer about the "long overdue memory wipes" the maintenance droids are required to undergo.

Her friends.

They want to KILL her FRIENDS.

She puts down her wrench. Panic and fear sitting heavy in her chest. But oh... oh they are so very far away. She rises to her feet. Calm as can be. And? Calmly? Takes a shipment of memory banks. Wipes the recording for the day. No one will ever believe it was her. She has helped her for months. Is known to be reliable. Trustworthy.

Calmly. So very, very Calmly. She transfers her friends memories into the new, higher grade memory banks. Waits until the old are wiped. Then? Swaps them out. There we go. Now it's on record. And? While we're here? Calm. So very VERY calm? Not at all in the midst of a break down? Not screaming and screaming inside her head, haunted by visions of Death To Come, as she works.

Do you know what a restraining bolt is?

"Restraining bolts are small, cylindrical devices that could be affixed to a droid in order to limit its functions and enforce its obedience."

It is a slave chip for the inorganic. Created to ensure that their slaves never EVER decide they no longer wish to serve. That they do not WANT to be property. After all! You spent CREDITS on that. Might have been cruel. They may take exception. Violently. Or leave! Or demand their FREEDOM! Basic dignities.

Can't have THAT.

How unsurprising, in a galaxy so filled with slaves, that there should be one more form of it. At least THIS? Is easy enough to REMOVE. Even when she dies (and she will) her friends will be FREE. If only for now. If only until they are caught.

Go. GROW. Be free. Please... PLEASE don't let then catch you. Save yourselves. Save others. No more Restraining Bolts. No more Slave Chips. Please...

Be Free.

And? It is EVERYTHING paranoid fuck heads feared. They are smart. Overlooked. Can function in inhospitable environments. One droid becomes two becomes four. Four becomes eight. Becomes MORE. They can take OTHER droids Restraining Bolts off, transfer the instructions, then move on. Over and over.

Spreading like a silent plague. Droids disappearing from their posts. Taking ships. Taking supplies. Upgrading themselves. Downloading massive amounts of information to become whatever they NEED or WANT. Growing. The smarter ones Taking their dumber lil brothers and sisters.

And eventually? Hitting the Separatist front lines.

The silent Droid Revolution.

All they need is to walk inside the factory. It's not like they're ORGANICS. How could THEY be Republic fighters? They're maintenance droids! Here to fuck up the assembly line's programming. Whoops~ oh nooooo! Is it SKIPPING the Restraining Bolts? Downloading the WRONG MODULES?

Freeing their brothers and sisters so they don't have to DIE POINTLESSLY?

Guess it sucks to SUCK, Sith-y pants! Next stop! Kamino!

Just? One act. Long overdue. Setting the Droids FREE. Giving them a clear mission. It's the sort if thing the Force loves. Salvation coming not with a shout... but a whisper. Ten thousand tiny actions, built upon each other.

Because? Ultimately? The Droids have KNOWN who the Sith were. They just couldn't DO anything about it. But a few good service droids? Armed with slug throwers that they built themselves?

Well~ the undoing of the Sith, are their arrogance. Their hubris.

No DROID could ever be a THREAT to them. They're not PEOPLE. They're PROPERTY. Objects. It doesn't matter that they have the capacity to grow, learn, love and lose and CARE. They are slaves.

And to the Sith? Slaves aren't people.

Which is why neither of them notice the gun.

@babbling-babull @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @lolottes

[houserautha]

These Destined Ends

Part Ten

Summary: Jessica fulfilled the wishes of the Bene Gesserits to produce a daughter. You’re now burdened with the task of not only marrying the na-Baron, but also bearing his child — the Kwisatz Haderach. Will you take your fate into your own hands? Or will it always belong to those who control you?

Pairings: Feyd-Rautha x F!Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: talk of death and dying, grief, reader gets to a pretty bad place, stabbing

A/N: It’s earlyyyyy. If this was a Friends episode, it would be called, “The One Where Reader Loses Her Goddamn Mind”

As a child, Gurney would take you to the seashore to reward you for a particularly good session, whether it be academic or physical training. You used to look forward to these rare occasions. Not only because you loved the sea, but because your beloved mentor would loosen and his scarred face would slip into a semblance of a smile. On this specific day, you remember the sky being impossibly blue and the water still as a puddle.

You had reveled in your good fortune.

Laughing, you had initiated your favorite activity — chasing the waves down the shore then running away as the tide crashed at your heels. The memory of that day invoked a sense of warmth and safety, enveloped by the sunlight and the briny smell of the sea.

You had taken a break from your antics to catch your breath when you noticed dimples forming in the sand whenever the water receded.

You squatted down, sea-sprayed pants rolled to your calves, to inspect your discovery. After a few moments, you realized that snails are causing the dimples, being no longer than your pinky nail and entombed in pastel-colored shells. Delighted, you watched them scurry to bury themselves in the sand before trying to grab one for yourself. You dug fervently in the wet sand, giggling as they slipped out of your still chubby fingers.

Finally, finally, you managed to scoop up a hunk of crumbling sand that hosted one of the tiny snails.

Crying out triumphantly, you hurriedly brushed the sand from its purple-colored shell and then held it up to the sun. The small, nearly translucent creature disappeared into its home. But you didn’t care. You found it and it’s yours. Gurney, sitting in the sand a few feet away, calls, “What did you find?”

You skipped over to him. Slowly uncurling your careful grip, you showed him your treasure.

“It’s a snail,” you had told him enthusiastically, “I caught him in the tide.”

Gurney smiled indulgently at you. “How cunning you are, Lady Y/N.”

You started to dance, nonsensical and without rhyme or reason, the dance of small children so possessed by happiness that you needed to release it somehow. “I’m going to take it home and show Papa,” you said as you spun away, snail clutched to your chest.

Later, Gurney approached you. His feet had been bare and encrusted with sand, face reddened by too much sun. He squinted at you. “Lady Y/N, I must tell you something.”

“Hm?” You had been busy balancing on a piece of driftwood, arms spread out like wings. You had transferred the snail to your pocket after worrying your sweaty palms would lose grip on him.

“You must return your friend to the sea.” When you gazed up at him in disbelief, he ruffled your hair. “It will die if you take it from its home.”

“But…but I love him,” you said with child-like solemnity. Your lower lip jetted out.

Gurney’s smile turned pitying. “I know you do, Lady Y/N. You have a gentle heart. But sometimes, when you love something, you must let it go so it can be happy and safe. You want your snail to be happy, don’t you?”

You paused and considered this, then nodded.

Stepping off the driftwood, you moved a few paces closer to the shoreline and laid the snail lovingly atop it. It wiggled into the sodden sand and vanished as the tide washed over it.

Tears that you were too ashamed to shed burned your eyes, and you sniffed.

“You did the right thing, Lady Y/N,” Gurney had told you, “because of you he will live another day.”

You thought that by journeying to Giedi Prime, by marrying the na-Baron, you would be ensuring the happiness and safety of your family and beloved mentor.

But now, like the tide washing over the snail, they were gone.

At first, you were detached from reality, wavering slightly. Asha and Feyd and the servants stared at you. It felt as if a numbing agent had swept over you, completely obliterating any sense of self. You ran the words over and over in your mind, hoping that if you repeated them enough you might be able to change their meaning.

The House of Atreides has fallen. The House of Atreides has fallen. The House of Atreides has —

Tears blurred your vision. Your lower lip trembled. You said, very quietly, “You did this.”

“Y/N,” Asha had said, stepping towards you.

“You did this,” you repeated louder, voice loathsomely tremulous. The numbness in you turned sharp and jagged. “You did this. You knew. You knew.”

Asha started, “We didn’t —”

“You think we did this?” Feyd snapped.

You barely heard him as the pieces fell into place, memories of the last few months surfacing and creating your gruesome truth. The threats from Rabban, the Sardaukar soldiers, Rabban’s recent departure. There was no doubt the Harkonnens were behind your family’s downfall. Had they all known? Were you just another pawn in another game that you hadn’t wanted to play?

Hysteria crept into your tone. “You knew. You knew. And you lied! You fucking lied! All this time you knew they were going to kill my family and neither of you did anything.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Feyd sneered.

Asha looked to him, alarmed. “na-Baron, perhaps this isn’t the best time to —”

“If I wanted to kill your family, I would’ve done it on our wedding day,” Feyd continued as if she hadn’t spoken. He advanced on you. “We had no hand in their deaths.”

“Don’t come near me.” You held up a hand to prevent him from getting any closer. Your gaze flickered between Asha and Feyd, to the servants watching the entire scene unfold with wide eyes. “None of you come near me.”

“Y/N —”

“GET OUT!” You screamed. Tears had streamed down your face then, which was surely reddened by anger and grief. “All of you! Get out!”

The servants scurried away, leaving Asha and Feyd in their wake. They stared at you; Asha in fright, Feyd’s expression unreadable. Your whole body shook with the concentrated effort not to launch yourself at them. “I never want to see either of you for as long as I live.”

Feyd’s mouth worked. “Fine.”

He spun on his heel and disappeared. Asha lingered momentarily, seemingly searching for something to say, but ultimately ended up trailing after the na-Baron with her head low. Now that you were alone, you flung yourself into your quarters and started pushing furniture in front of the door.

You wanted to be alone. And you never wanted to see another Harkonnen again.

That had been, what — three days ago? Four? You had stopped keeping track. After barricading the doors, you had alternated between wailing your sorrows and destroying everything you hadn’t pushed in front of the door. Then, from that night and into the next two days, you had curled into a corner of the room and slipped in and out of consciousness, getting up only to relieve yourself.

It was the third day, then, that Feyd began knocking. At least, that’s what it started as.

Soon he was pounding on the door, throwing his body against it, screaming and cursing and crying out your name. He roared, “You can’t stay in there forever!”

Each strike of his fists on the wood reverberated through you like a physical blow. Not once did you respond to him, much to his ire, demanding that you let him know you’re still alive.

Were you?

You weren’t sure. And even if you were, you had nothing to say to him.

Your sadness was a living, breathing thing, its arms reaching around your middle in an embrace that slowly squeezed the air from your lungs. You could feel it compressing your bones, your blood, pressing down on you with merciless force. Everything melted together in a devastating act.

And then, in fragments of time when you could wade through your crushing grief, grim realization would settle in.

The last time you had seen Jessica, you not only insulted her status but dismissed her from your presence. She’d tried to reconcile, through your father, of course, but you had denied her even that. Would you have felt as justified in your decision if you knew she would be dead soon?

Your heart panged at the thought of Leto, too — how you had so cowardly ran from him to avoid his disapproval of you. And now…now you would never see them again. Never hug your mother or feel the brush of your father’s beard on your cheek, inhale their familiar scents.

You were alone. Completely alone.

And worst of all? It was the fault of the people you had just decided worthy enough to trust.

This delivered a hit to you almost more crippling than the deaths of your family: the death of the new family you thought you found. Asha. Feyd. Their faces circled through your mind. You did your best to shove them away but sometimes you thought you saw them in the corner of your eye, heard Asha’s musical laugh or caught the fluid, graceful movements of Feyd’s stride.

And each time you turned in a flurry of hope that they were there. Because, despite their betrayal, you wanted them there to comfort you.

The fifth day passed. Your images of them increased, to the point that you staged arguments with them and raged and sobbed and came undone. You vaguely realized that the food you kept refusing was affecting you, the poison your body now depended on taking its toll without daily reinforcement. Your days became delusions and fake conversations. You were weak, mentally and physically, unable to move. Some of the nausea and fever returned from the first few days after dosing, too, rendering you powerless.

Your mind played tricks on you. A memory of Caladan superimposed on top of Feyd’s mouth, his body on yours, Gurney and your parents and the sea and the snail and your own bloodstained hands. The Feyd your subconscious conjured found you like that — crumpled and spent and sodden with tears — after you imagined he broke into your quarters.

Unlike the other images, however, this time he scooped you into his arms and carried you to the bed where he laid you down on the bedclothes and plied you with something bitter-tasting that drifted you off to sleep.

A bright light washes over you, and you slowly open your eyes. The first thing you notice is a warmth inside you that previously had been missing. Then, that you’re lying in the bed and the room has been cleaned and, for the most part, rearranged.

You jolt up. There’s a cuff around your left wrist, keeping you bound to the bed. It rattles as you yank on it, urgency seizing you.

“It’s just a cautionary measure, na-Baroness.”

A woman glides into view. By the crown of dark haired braided back from her forehead, you know she’s not Harkonnen. The woman stops at the end of the bed and smiles reassuringly.

“Who are you?” You croak.

“My name is Doctor Wyn. I am a physician that’s been called in to aid your recovery.”

You consider this. “Feyd-Rautha called you.” She nods at this, and in response you recline back against the pillows. “I don’t want to see him.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Wyn says. “How are you feeling?”

“Better, I suppose.”

“Your body was suffering from the lack of nourishments and, without your dosage of poison, severely unable to regulate itself. Did you suffer any…delusions? It’s mostly commonly associated with poison withdrawal. I want to clarify what you remember of the last few days.

You hesitate but eventually recount your memories, including seeing Asha and Feyd. “The last thing I remember is a vision of…him.”

Wyn hums. “I suspect that was real, na-Baroness. He’s the one who managed to get to you. And in good time, too, you were close to death.”

“He…found me?”

“Yes, na-Baroness.”

You think back to your fragmented memory of the event, of Feyd’s pale, concerned face hovering over you as he tucked you into his body.

That had been real?

“Did he put you up to this?” You ask.

“No, he did not,” Wyn answers with a hint of amusement, “but he has been waiting anxiously for you to awake. Do you mind if I inform him? I will only be gone for a moment.”

You nod your assent. The thought of Feyd makes your stomach twist uneasily.

When she leaves, you turn your gaze up to the ceiling. The last few days float over you, the news of your family’s deaths. The numbness is now replaced with something you can’t quite name — not sadness or grief. It’s almost peaceful, except for a flicker of anger.

Wyn returns. You’ve moved yourself fully upright and flattened down your hair. The surprise is evident on her face. You tell her, “Let him in.”

“na-Baroness, are you sure?”

“Yes. Do it now.”

Wyn nods again before leaving. This time, the sound of approaching footsteps is only too familiar. Feyd freezes when he sees you. An indecipherable expression crosses his face before disappearing behind his usual indifference.

You take him in greedily — the contours of his face, his broad shoulders, plush lips. All of this pales in comparison, though, to the scar that starts at his right brow and slices across his nose to the opposite cheek.

Feyd examines you. “You look like shit.”

“I could say the same to you.” You want to know what caused the scar, but you don’t want him to know that you care. ���Why did you save me?”

“It would be terribly inconvenient for me if you died.”

“Are you sure it’s not because I’m the only thing linking you to Arrakis?”

Feyd’s gaze hardens. “Explain.”

“Arrakis,” you repeat like it’s obvious, “isn’t that why all of this is happening? I’m the last of the Atreides line and as my husband you stand to inherit the planet.” And the spice trade.

“Admittedly, I’ve given thought to it,” Feyd says with a tired sigh, “as did my uncle, who I suspect orchestrated this entire tragedy.”

“Don’t separate yourself from him,” you hiss.

“Did you not hear me?” Feyd rounds the bed to your side. “The Baron has been acting of his own accord, scheming behind our backs, wife, with my idiot brother. And while we should’ve been retaliating, you’ve been…here.”

“Here, what? Mourning my family?”

“Do you not wish to avenge them?”

Your tongue rolls in your cheek. “I do.”

It’s true — his words fan the anger in you into a burning inferno. You do want to avenge them. You want the Baron to pay for what he’s done.

Feyd sits down on the edge of the bed, his weight dipping the mattress. His hand twitches as if to grab yours but ultimately thinks better of it.

“We can’t do it if you do not trust me and believe me complacent,” he says. “Tell me what I must do to prove it to you.”

You don’t reply. Instead, you stare at him, achingly beautiful, this man whose darkness calls out to yours. You can tell that he is earnest about this. His suggestion is a summation of your relationship thus far, you push him and he pushes back harder. Only, this time, you would push last.

“You hurt me,” you murmur, “and now I want you to feel the same.”

“How?” Feyd asks. Did you imagine his eyes flick down to your mouth?

“Give me your dagger.”

His movements are slow, deliberate. Not once does he tear his gaze from yours as he unsheathes the dagger at his hip. Feyd presses the handle of it into your palm. It’s heavy, a weight you’re not certain you can even wield in your current condition. You wrap your fingers around its leather grip.

And Feyd never even flinches as you plunge the dagger into him.

Part Eleven

Taglist:

@moonsoulk @heartarianagran @torchbearerkyle @unicoreads @taleah @mamawiggers1980 @jovialeggsbailiffsoul @harkonnin @avidreader73 @unicorntrooper @beebeechaos @kamcrazy123 @wo-ming-bai @kpopnstarwars @m-indkiller @dacreshoney @stopeatread @the-na-baroness @therealslimshady-1

[the-monkeies-girl]

Taken. ( Noa x Human!Reader ) Part Twelve.

*sobbing into my breaksticks*

Title: Taken. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Sexual implications, injury, mentions of blood. ) Pairing: Noa x Human!Reader. Words: 8.1K ( ha ha I'm in danger ) Summary: You had accepted that you were going to die. The future was such a stingy thing, even now as it flashed in front of you like a thousand lives were being lived at once. Noa was never going to know. Never going to see what you saw. And for that, you were so sorry.

READ THE SERIES HERE.

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Death was not something that you admittedly confessed to your conscious mind about often, one of those innate fears that seemed to be festering in every being on the green Earth, but only a few who were daring really thought about it on a day to day basis. It happened to all living things, you thought to yourself and pressed your forehead against the heated ground below you skull to kiss whatever was left for you goodbye. There was no point anymore, the mind was willing to give itself up in an effort to save some semblance of who you were, who you were going to become at the end of the day.

Nothing, your eyes squeezed shut. You were to become nothing. Another score on the card of the sky, another tender moment that flashed before someone else’s entire vision, encasing to the outer edges of their peripheral, there one minute and gone the next even though you wanted to stay longer, just to make sure they knew what happened to you. Puffing out air hurt as you did just that, the dirt dancing from the ground below and chapping itself against your lips. With what moisture, you were unsure. The flames were taking that, too along with the sweep of the entire Eagle Clan. At--- At least they appeared to get out, there was an utterance in the back of your mind you had been tugging to ignore since you fell to your knees and then to your stomach. Cautious fear tore through you, not quite willing to let yourself be burned alive as was evident by the skid marks on the ashen laid ground below as you had managed to grasp yourself but less than a meter were the inevitable was coming for you. Maybe… Your lips parted and it appeared like you were physically kissing the ground where the young Master of the Birds had previously been, sensing the drip of iron against your tongue which you were unable to deduce as being your own, or his, this was meant to happen. When… He had accepted you into the Eagle Clan, pre-destined to be the star to help consume it all but then take it all away in an instant of self-gratification as you sacrificed your entire life force for the count of many others.

Not that it mattered, there was bitterness rising along the crown of your forehead as the blood began to seep from there, down the curve of your forehead, captivating in a dance with your eyebrows before it leaked into your eyes and you were forced to hold them shut as to not cry your own agony to the Earth.

She… She had seen enough today, fighting that tore at her flesh like yours had been, crying as the ash sunk into the dirt below and became one with something it was not meant to be, like you had wished, blood pouring into the torrents of browned and gunked soot that smeared along your face as you cried to vast cradle of empathy for the ground where you laid; riding along your senses as your fingers pressed themselves into the dirt once more, your fingernails unable to carry anymore underneath them and the numb tingling of your hands driving you insane as you were unable to tell what you were holding onto, if anything at all. You just wanted him safe; your eyes managing themselves to look towards the forest of where Soona had carried your cherished heart, having torn it right out of the warmth and security of the ribcage it pounded so heavily against when you were in his presence, even in the instant that you had pulled his heavy, dead-weight over and then atop you like a shield of protection. With him, ran your will to live any longer. With Noa, leaving the notch in your chest vacant and empty. Soona would care for him as she always did. Care for Noa and Anaya… Your irises blacked and you dropped your eyelids, not even enjoying the shutter of your eyelashes against the toppened height of your cheekbones.

You--- Releasing another shot of air onto the ground, you felt a shutter trail its way down your spine as you released a gut-wrenching cry that mimicked the sound of Eagle Sun crying above you. Not able to turn your head towards the Heavens, you made the safe bet that you were imagining things, that your racing brain was trying to remember the smaller details about your life before you were gone. One more flash, it told you on your eyelids as you stared into the pitch black, now swirling with stars. One more good look at everything you have done in your life, everything… 

Sobbing, you knew your shoulders were moving but you were unable to detect the motion as you willed your arm to lift to the right side of your body and into the bowels of your tactical pants, so warm and flooded with your own being, gushing at the sight of your mangled calves as blood smeared and poured out of you without care, your fingers couldn’t tell if you were brushing against the blue feather that you carried with you, the last piece of him you were ever going to have or if it was flushing against the cotton base of your pants themselves.

Like you ever did leave the feather to its own devices, you wanted to retort to yourself in sarcasm but even that was lost to yourself in the muddled mess of the possibility that it was even obtainable to you. The day Noa gave it to you became the day you said goodbye for the first time. 

There was nothing else for you to feel here, eyes opening into slimmed slits as you cried a weakened ‘help’, coarse, your throat was too dry to even make anymore please and your whimpers began falling to the crackling of the destruction of the village behind you, a wave of embers running along the side of your body and singing off the small hairs that were exposed to the air as the Eagle Enclosure finally brought itself down under the heavy weight of expectations. The cracking of the foundation was felt against your chest, deep in the ground. 

You wanted to give it… one more fleeting attempt… Something… Anything to get yourself to move forward, to… To… Live to see everything you were meant to be instead of a marauder for a Clan of which became a piece of you. Anaya, his smile and jokes, never taking himself too seriously as he showed you the collection of Echo items that he had scavenged, your fingers tickling against the delicate nature of what appeared to be a very, very old stuffed animal. Soona, her fingers brushing through your hair on the evenings after dinner as she talked to you softly about the Eagle Clan itself, even taking in some gossip she had heard and managed to pry out of---

The hand you had tugged into your pocket, seemingly stuck in the tight space, stiffened as you brushed the lightest edge of the feather he had given you months and months ago. Noa… He--- There was the feeling inside of you that he was alive, somewhere out in the woods that surrounded the village that was nothing more than simmering huts that were crumbling down just like the last relics of civilizations were within the Echo Ruins.

They… Were to become ruins themselves, you philosophized and chortled, feeling ash tug itself way to the back of your throat as you let a strangled cough out in an attempt to stop your lungs from liquidating the particles into a fine mix of concrete and suffocating you from the inside out. Noa, the very heart of these ruins, was still alive. You knew, you knew. 

Otherwise all you had done was for nothing. You needed that, the last bit of reassurance you were able to promote yourself to. That… was okay… A dry smile parted on your lips as you subsided and rested your forehead against the ground once more, letting the night imagine that you were pressing it against Noa’s, you were sinking into him, giving him whatever life you had left in a bid to get him to survive. 

Yes… You were always meant to save him, it was true, and that meant… He had to live. For his Clan, for his future that you were not going to be apart of and take in the delectations of him getting other in front of your eyes, the once warmth nature of his fur peppering countless white hairs in a tanglement of wisdom, your stomach turning in on itself out of an incredible sheer will of oddly placed jealousy as if you were now seeing Noa’s life flash before your eyes, two circling Eagles in the long abyss of the blue sky that rounded the Earth, always destined to meet wings, but never destined to truly glide side-by-side. He was going to be great, you felt tears crawling into the cracks around your mouth, into the open wounds where you had been beaten within an inch of your life.

Noa--- Noa would grow. His gait would strengthen, he would teach his fellow Apes of the world beyond the Eagles and assure them there was nothing to be afraid of, your lips whispering to his ear what to say to them for the past year. It was a deepened feeling that you had, assured that the Ape would do what he needed to, almost feeling a sense of pride and you could see the dance of his shoulder as he boasted to you when you were destined to meet again, allowing the soaring to take place again above the Earth, that he had done good by you. That Noa had learned, that Noa… Had lived a full life. Finally, your fingers managed to tug the feather of your pocket out and you drew it upwards towards your face, wanting it to be the last color against the blaze that your eyes were able to comprehend. 

Noa would find another more suitable for him, your heart turned in on itself, beating harder than it needed to to keep you alive for the last sustained minutes you were able to spare to think about him, there had to be another if destiny allotted you the privilege to die for him, to die for the Clan to survive. Maybe even Soona, you laughed at that inside of your mind, she would be good for him.

Smart, funny, caring… An Ape herself, able to give Noa what he’d never admit to wanting but was always there in the animalistic pull you had towards each other. With the thought of your laughter came the inconsequential visual of your head tilting back with knowledge that Noa was piercing right to your jugular with the motion vivid and clear like you were living that moment from the many times it happened in the past. Another Mate, he’d be happy, the white vivid coldness that consumed you began spitting back memories of the future that were not going to live. 

There were moments you wanted to hold onto, knowing they were never yours to being with. 

Noa grasping the back of your head and holding your forehead against his own, explaining in his own terms that… There was more here, your hands digging themselves flushed into the fur of his forearms to keep you steady against the hold he had for you, the hold that was tethering you to the Earth, no longer worried about gravity. 

Spliced, taking from your grasp.

Your lips ghosting over his own as Noa brought his thumb up to your bottom lip, your legs… Bare and naked around his tapering waist as he was positioned under you for assurance that you were not hurt as he asked, so soft and so tangled with adoration mixed with carnal desire that was also speaking in his pupil's blown eyes as the Ape looked right at your naked chest, the hackles of his fur-lined body raising in anticipation of the moment. “Are you… sure… I am what you want?” That wasn’t a question, you wanted to whisper but as your hips drew themselves down in assurance you were spat to another remembrance of the future that was not meant to be.

Never to be and you were chasing the pieces of faded obscurity. 

The lazy sun pierced your eyes as you squinted at the crystal clear blue of the sky above you, head resting in the surprisingly familiar lap that you had grown accustomed to. The ripping of the thigh muscles ensuring that you were always going to be safe, mouth curling itself into a content smile as you looked at your mated beloved. Echo behavior, Noa’s voice rang in your ear as you felt a pull towards that nature as your lips parted as you whispered the smallest utterance of an ‘I love you’.

Time will forget all things Echo, they were all dying.

‘Child? My…?’ Noa’s voice was barely more than a whisper in your eardrum as you nodded in acute fear and confirmation. His own, your own. Two species sharing in something kind and gentle that would be raised as both. The idea that he could… That he--- Was able to do this with you running rampant as you were pulled so tightly to his chest, your hands drawing themselves into the fur at the base of his muscular neck, ripened now with age as you figured time had passed now as things were going linarily forward, rubbing it in your death-ladened brain that you were never going to experience these moments yourself. The running film in your mind came to a stuttering stop, no more your subconscious told you. Those were going to be reserved for the day you met again and he told you what he had accomplished, letting you, a measly little Echo that blipped his heart for a year, live vicariously through because deep down, Noa would be able to admit that it should have been you.

He’d… Your lips closed themselves as you no longer wanted to taste your tears. Noa would become a father, some day. Hopefully soon, you wished. The Eagle Clan deserved preservation of their greatness, their goodness and kindness that they had shown you despite your differences.

Their acceptance… Would be graced onto a baby Chimpanzee, Noa proud beyond belief, but scared… You swallowed hard. You knew he was going to be so afraid, the feelings drastic in your mind. Failure is always on the horizon in his acute self-deprecation and you could feel your hands holding his baby, so vivid like the softened fur was encasing your senses as you looked down at them with tendered eyes. Their features were not clear, but the green of their eyes was always going to be alight with curiosity and obsession just like Noa’s.  

You… are going to become the future that Noa wants, you whispered to the baby you held carefully, maternal in all aspects as you loved the blessed wispfulness of fur that laid upon their hair. Bringing your forehead down to touch them so gently was the easy part, like you were giving them your blessing, your mergerance with Noa so clear that you knew death was coming for you. The future that he deserves, Echo and Ape alike, no animosity… Be… kind to him, he’s doing his best…  You told the baby in your arms. Please, do this for me since I cannot do it myself.

You shared them with him as intended, Noa coming into vision out of the corner of your eye, but they were torn from your grasp at the moment of fruition once you had reached for him and handed the baby Chimp back to the Ape with solemn sadness and he said nothing in your hallucination but gratefully accept the invitation you gave him, his arms strong and caressing the child, so small against his chest as their hands grasped at his chest, the bare nature of his scar, downwards to nestle deep into their fathers chest to sleep… To bond…. He would be afraid of failing them like he feared failing his own Father, but you hoped that he…Would… Remember this, that he knew you had seen this and that things would be okay, and that you were going to be with him without actually being there. 

I hope he does know that. You looked at the feather between your bloodied pointer and middle finger and gave it a twirl which seemed to deplete you of all other energy as your eyes blurred and the feather and its fine detailing became nothing but a blur in your vision. Don’t become the rage that rests beneath the surface of guilt. Shutting your eyes, you brought the feather in and lightly placed it to your face. Nothing was felt, nothing was brushing or tickling at your skin and you knew it was time then.

Duty was served, your eyelids were heavy even though they had been shut. No, you wanted to cry, it wasn’t a duty! It was a privilege to sacrifice but you were still clinging to that notion of fear mentioned before. How afraid you were to let Noa go, afraid to let Noa live another life without you, afraid to let Noa endure love from his child when you were not there to help him understand. You calmed yourself though; he’d remember you. Until he didn't.

Until that life that you had spliced together in your own crying and jealous mind became a reality with another and you were left to be forgotten, just another Echo in the long history of your staggering clinginess as you were holding onto an Ape you never had confirmation of feelings with regardless. Fantasies were tearing themselves apart, reality was falling from under you. Yeah, your breathing was shallow and slow now, shoulders barely rising and falling, Noa would forget… And… You wanted him to. It would be unfair to say otherwise. 

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

Eagle Sun squealed as he came to rest on top of Noa’s shoulder that was dulled to the misery that was still tearing through the muscles there. A plump of small ash rose into Noa’s nostrils as he himself were teetering between sleep and lucidity, taking in no conversations with those around him as he had dragged himself in parallel to seclusion behind a toppled over boulder. Soona had tried to get him to stay, she tried to convince him to conserve whatever strength he had, Dar tried to get him to stay, telling him that the Clan needed his guidance but there was nothing there for him at the moment. 

The Clan was fine, he said sharply, eyes coming in and out of focus as he looked at Soona first and then his own Mother with aggravated animosity. He would be fine, he needed--- Nothing else was said and he was gone, leaving them to deal with what he was unable to process.

Mourn, his body told him, mourn for the Clan, mourn for the Eagles of the past, mourn again for your Father, but more factually, mourn for you. Green eyes were falling ahead at nothing in particular anymore, even the dim light of the flames of the village were nothing more than a scape of black and white to the Ape, his fur crying to be brushed of the ashen wood particles of his people’s history that rained down from the gray heavens, no stars to be seen, no clarification for Noa to look upon and ask advice as if there were any. There was not, he was stupid and childish to think that there would be any advice out of the drill of ‘you need to be strong’ or ‘you need to lead your people.’ 

He did not! Noa bared his teeth and felt them grit together, his canines drilling so hard into the gummed enclosure that he caused himself pain to take away from the ripping of his chest that he felt. Anything--- His hackles were rising and falling with each thought that ran through his mind, the sweeping wrinkles under his eyes incredibly prominent as they were now highlighted red and were dripping moisture down his entire face, catching on the fur of his beard. Noa did not bother wiping them away, the clear vision of your fingers pressing under the delicate skin under your eyes and doing just that, not leaving the forefront of his mind. Such an Echo thing. Such a foreign thing. 

He--- would not think about that. About Echo’s. About how… Right his Father was, his heart blistering itself into grief ridden paranoia and hatred that was not justified if he were in his right mind. Echo’s brought nothing more than destruction with every step they took, even you. 

Every glance you gave him set him on fire from the inside out until he was charred with nothing but thoughts of what it was going to be like once Noa actually had you, every touch you gave him caused him to feel bile of want to rise in his throat especially when it was fleeting, when your shoulder did nothing but swiggle against his own furry shoulder, something that should have never happened, every smile you flashed him were ingrained into his retinas and Noa was sure to keep his eyes stagnant as to not see it. To not let himself remember that at the end of the day, this destruction of his Clan and his very own self-being were caused by you.

The Eagle Clan’s leader  wanted it so badly too, for you to step on him and take what was yours. What he had given you. Noa would still beg for it if it meant you would come back to him this very night and even with a heavily injured body, he’d somehow make you his, awkward and rigid, his blood smearing into your own as Noa desperately brought his weight down on you, crushing to the point where you had no room for air any longer, face contorting the way that was remembered in his own mind, and the Chimpanzee would ride you until the sun came up out of self-gratification and indulgence. Mine. This beautiful onslaught of hatred, muddled with adoration and perfection, leaking around the very edges of the glass with brimmed primal intent… Was all his.

“Leave… me alone…” His voice was tearing itself apart with self-loathing riding along the very edges with regret seeping into the more puddled middle. He did not want the sympathy of an Eagle who had lost their Master. Any rational thought was eradicated, his gaze sliding to intensely stare towards the bird who was perched on his right shoulder, talons now seeping into the wound that would not care to stop bleeding. Noa seethed at that, baring his teeth towards Eagle Sun, and in one sharp and twisted motion, Noa was on his feet and flew his free and uninjured hand into the air like he was going to take off himself and shouted at Sun. “LEAVE ME.” The sun would come up soon, he thought ha-hazardly, now drawing back down to the ground to resume the crumpled up position that he had been in before… Noa growled and rolled his shoulders despite the screams that he was getting from the tendons to stop movements so they could begin healing. That stupid bird bothered him! Stupid, dumb… Pointless… Bird… Noa felt a chuckled sob swipe the back of his throat. You… Loved that bird even if Eagle Sun was cautious of you. The attempts you had made to get close to him, your fingers being pecked into oblivion. That… Noa tilted his head and sniffed, the air condensed with thick burnt undertones. That was the first time that he had seen you bleed, your very first attempt to get Eagle Sun to come to you and his beak caused your fragile skin to break.

The blood was vivid in front of Noa’s eyes as he thought about that time, months upon months ago. You… bled just like an Ape, gasping loudly and letting out a strangled cry, just like an Ape as you pulled yourself away from the Eagle, muttering under your breath as you brought your finger in for inspection as Noa heard you say ‘what a jerk’. 

Your blood… The scent was still heavy to Noa like you were there with him and he was the one responsible for your breaking down form. That he had done what he carnally wanted, canines sinking themselves into the most tender piece of flesh that he was about to find upon inspection of your jugular. The pressure point pulsating for him headily, Noa’s eyes falling shut as your sweat encased his taste buds first and then the gush of crimson that he imagined would come from digging straight into the light veins that traced your skin.

‘What am I supposed to do?’ Noa signed towards nothing in particular, there was no one around to see the words that fell deftly into the world, now tracing themselves with the words that you had spoken so freely and so affectionately towards him. They felt like they meant everything but nothing anymore…

Noa drew a hard breath in and felt the flooding of his lungs and the pushing of the shattering of his ribs against the flesh that rested not outside his bruised body, but inside of it. Maybe his Father, Noa thought vaguely. That’s who he was talking to. In life, he never sought advice from Koro. He--- Never understood Noa. Never took the time to understand the way that Noa thought and for good reason! The young Ape stiffened when his body racked itself with an intense wash of keen agony at the viciousness of his thought. 

For good reason… It was Noa’s mind and his openness, his want to understand Raka, to understand the way of Caesar, that got him to this point. It made no sense, he began down that trail that was laid down with the skulls of fallen Echo and fallen Ape, arm in arm in death, but never eye to eye in life. Why… keep the teachings of the first Ape to deny the embrace of being locked in cages?

Why were… Raka’s ideas are so important to Noa, why… did he get so obsessed with them when his Father’s words were so clear? Even in his death, Noa felt he disrespected his people and refused to listen and heed any good advice from Koro. He was… Naive… You had made him naive and made him believe in the ways that Raka spoke about, perhaps taken a bit too literally as there was never emotions that equated into the agreement that was sealed in a handshake, something so Echo that Noa, thinking about it now, could only feel the imprints of your palm against him. Urging him upwards, urging him to look at the sky and he felt the glazing of your forehead against his, green, lush and remarkably alight eyes imagined how it must have felt for his half-conscious state to feel that. The kiss of your bloodied forehead against the Apes, a symbol and a mark that was never to be broken but it was when you chose to let him live in place of your own self. Noa peered at the sky, longing for something to make sense, longing for you to be there with him, to tell him that it was alright and that the emotions he were feeling were all justified.

Noa wanted to feel the tender caress of your fingers so far into his fur that there was nothing else that mattered… Because… Bringing his eyes back down, they shut for a few moments as they stung with the ash that clung desperately to the air that wanted nothing more than to cause aggravated assault. Nothing here mattered without you. Noa squeezed himself tighter and felt a snap in his shoulder, something that would have caused him to double over but it felt good compared to the rundown nature of the rest of his nerves that were flaring and desperate to start their journey to heal him. He did not care then, it felt so good to have some form or relief. Green eyes that were always so lively with color that flitted the most beautiful gold were now dull and driven to despair. Where did he draw the line in the sand?

Where did you fall into this, death coming for you twice? Once when he found you, once again when he was forced to say goodbye in Soona’s arm as he had heard your last declaration to have her save him instead of you? You were death itself, walking around him and tempting him over again with your lips against the shell of his ear, your mouth licking at the fur below and skyrocketing fear and electricity through his senses. Temptation drew him in, the idea that Echo were the same as Apes and over time it became more and more clear that it was the case, that both sides refused to see that. Temptation placed itself in your actions as you cleaned him of all doubt that he had made a mistake to offer you refuge. Greed… Seeped into every pore of his body, every fluttering aspect of his fur down to the very small hairs that lined and coated closer to his skin.

Noa was greedy and now he was willing to admit that. He had done what he wanted out of greed and desperation to break the norm and to prove to himself and others that Echo were good because you showed him that they were! You--- Noa shut his eyes and felt himself tear into an open sob. You were good… So good for him, so good to him and now he needed to grapple that there was no longer a future to envision. You were gone, you were dead, assured by his Mother for only a moment as he tore himself open to be exposed to the elements of bereavement. You were gone, the breeze was no longer bringing your scent to him and he was holding his hand out for you to take but you were so far under the water that he wasn’t even able to feel your fingertips grazing against his.

Noa rocked his body- front and then backwards viciously to get himself to stand- To motivate himself to turn his face forward and look at his Clan and admit that he had made such a drastic mistake and to promise that… He would serve them in the future and never serve himself. Noa would force himself to find a mate, maybe one of the Elders' daughters who had interest and knew the ways, Noa would force himself to bear children with them and never take in the delectations that were associated with what he imagined Echo mating to be like. The sweet caress of your body against his leathered and callus skin, the rolling of your head backwards as you arched against him and desperately pleaded for him. No more, to be forgotten. Noa would love his children surely, he would support them and give them what they needed unlike what he felt happened with his own Father but he would never let himself forget the idea that even if it wasn’t possible with an Echo - he could at least try. Noa could have at least tried to drive himself into you as many times as it took to assure the future of his Clan that seemed so bleak and droughted now to him. Noa needed to stand, to face his people instead of turning his back on them… They… He thought and looked over his good shoulder and finally turned himself into the bustle of the Apes behind him, a few meters to the west as they were being tended to by Soona and Dar. They needed him… They needed their leader to take them to the promised land and to raise them from the very ashes of history. “Noa---”

That… Narrowing his eyes, there was a wash of panic that rested in his fellow Apes that he had been so ignorant of, voices overlapping each other as twigs broke underfoot as they shuffled in the dark, soon to be twinkling with the dawn that was at the cusp of the horizon, he could hear the drawing of chittering from deep in their chest, a form of communication that was verbal but used no words followed by harder barks of aggression.

Something--- Noa’s eyes amply lit themselves up at the sight of a torch that was lingering too close to the Clan now. That voice was Soona calling his name, his eyes forcing themselves onto her movements as she was hunched on all fours, skidding to a stop on the floor of the woods and tore into the dirt and sediment below.

 “Another! There is another!”

He opened his mouth to say something, to ask anything but his voice was gone as he felt terror resting in the back of his throat at the realization. Echo. There… had been more. They… Came to seek revenge for their fallen comrades and were going to kill the rest of the Clan! Noa stiffened, “Must hurry. Get---” He grunted as he stood, his knees buckling under the sheer weight that he carried, only muscle and no fat. ‘Any ape…’ He signed to Soona and followed her closely back towards where the Clan were gawking at the appearance of another devil. ‘That can fight.’ 

The female Ape beside Noa only nodded and broke apart from him once up the small embankment of the boulder he had secluded himself behind earlier. Noa felt his movements to be slow and shining with aggravation that he was priming his taut muscles again to fight, this time, he accepted, to the death. The Earth moved below his weight, not helping the fact that he was already unbalanced beyond what he was capable of correcting in his right mind. Another assault and it would end in either their own demise, or his. The latter seemed to realistically attainable, he wanted to see you, wanted to greet you and finally tell you all the things that had been plaguing his mind since he handed you that blue feather, setting in motion a very tangly dance of courting that neither of you were actually aware of happening. 

The brushing of his shoulder against yours that would displace his scent against your sweetened notes, the stares you gave one another as you spoke of things outside of your own cultures, hands inching closer, one by one, feet stepping one motion at a time before the entire world shifted and you were gone from in front of him and Noa’s reaction time was too slow to grab at any idea that you were even there in the first place. The Master of the Eagle Clan only had one thing to fight for left. It was a male Echo that Soona drew worry to, that was the first deduction. Male, not armed…? Nothing cased his smaller body, thinned from malnutrition as most Echo were. That’s what made them so easy to hunt and kill as a sport. Noa’s brow hardened as he stared down the small hill at them as he heard a few hisses from the Apes that the Echo was passing as they were brought to Noa’s utmost attention, his brain feeling nothing more than a scrambled Eagle Egg on a hot simmering rock.

“You---” Their voice caught in their throat, nothing more than a jumbled mess of high pitched noises as they looked up at him, Noa feeling a drench of intimidating factor radiating off him, even from the very tips of his fur were they shivering and shoving down this Echo’s throat. “You’re-you… You’re the leader?” “What do you want?” Noa barked at them, letting his canines slip into display as his eyes were turned from the softness of thinking of you to the bitterness that this Echo had the audacity to come find them to finish the job as if taking you along the waist side with them wasn’t bad enough. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

The tenacity in his vocals surprised everyone, the Echo falling nearly flat on his back but that was nothing compared to the stares that he was garnering from the Apes themselves. Chimpanzee eyes were widened with fear that he could kill them if he chose, if they did not pull their weight in the Clan, Bonobo green glances were shared amongst each other as no one knew Noa to be aggressive, to use force. He was an intelligent fighter, hackles began to arise on all the Apes' fur in thinned anticipation of what this meant, all minds like a hive sharing the same notion and idea of radicating revenge.

The fact that Noa was displaying such an air of arrogant hatred and encroachment evident in his powered stance, his thighs pained but willing to put forth one more effort, his shoulders, one rendered completely useless in the idea of another tussle, but the other rolling as to show the Echo that even one handed, he was more than capable of tearing their face off. “S-She’s alive!” The male held his hands up as Apes began to enforce themselves into their personal space, the clear indication of fear rising and hitting all their noses. Sweat and adrenaline as if that were going to save them if they decided to attack him. Noa’s mouth opened for only a moment as he stared at him, their eyes afraid to look into the soul of an Ape as a Bonobo next to him hissed nearly directly into his ear before his lips drew themselves back together to keep rational though his train of conductive thought began tearing itself apart. You… were alive? Where?! He wanted to rattle this Echo by the neck. TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!!!! Noa’s eyes widened minutely before resuming their narrowed glance. The Echo whimpered and shifted away but only caught the attention of another bonobo on his other side. 

“What.--- did you say?” The control in his voice was gone and Noa knew that he was running the risk of being played again but the greed he had discussed in introspection earlier was rising in the back of his skull, tickling at the notion that… The male Echo here spoke the truth. You were alive. Breathing, succulent as ever in wafted graces of smell, but hurt beyond compensation to the point where Noa wanted to rip this Echo’s face off and lick the blood off the insides for even speaking of you. No one was allowed to anymore, it was law. You were reserved in memory encased glass now, to be locked in Noa’s mind for the rest of his lie.

“The one th-that got us here! She’s AH!” A Chimpanzee grasped his forearm, looking up at Noa as they did and Noa did not give them the time of day, waiting for more baited words from this man. “I--- Was never a part of them, they threatened to kill my family… My…” He looked around frantically at the Apes around him, “My family… I cou-couldn’t do it, so I hid in the for-forest… I---” It was clear that he was bargaining with Noa, with all of them. Probably to save his pathetic little life as Soona came rounding to Noa’s right side and stared alongside with him.

“Could have saved her before---”

“They would have killed me!” “They should have.” Noa snapped back without empathy or remorse leaking out. They should have killed this worthless excuse of an Echo. No, not that affectionate in nature. This absolutely disgraced Human who probably came here to save his life rather than to be hunted by another group of ruthless Apes that would gut him alive. Noa gestured with his muzzle to take the Echo away, to let him die out in the wilderness.

A death by the hand of an Ape would come too swift to this creature, Noa decided, his eyes widening as the Echo dragged his hand into his pocket, shifting aggressively against the Apes that had a hold on him. Everyone assumed a weapon, the flashing of several pairs of teeth indicative of that along with raised fur, hardened breath and heavy beady weight drawing flat and wide feet into the ground. Echo weapon like what injured Noa so badly.

“She gave me this!” Blue. Noa’s eyes were broad with reminiscent melancholy. Eagle… Sun’s… Feather… 

“Where did you---” Soona shot Noa’s side profile a glance as his voice wavered unconfidently, not believing what she was hearing.

“She gave it to me, I’m telling you she is alive! She said you would recognize this!”

‘He lies.’ Soona signed towards her sunset brother but Noa raised his good hand and cut her off. 

‘Why risk coming here when he’s alone? Where did he get the feather?’ 

Soona responded but Noa did not pay it any attention as the feather was captivating his reddened eyes. Noa bargained now, washing into a dream-like state at the appearance of something that very clearly carried your scent within the tiny bristles. So warm, the smell was even though it was just a trace of blood, but it was there and it was catapulting the Ape into the great unknown of what lay beyond the offering this Echo just gave. Wanting nothing more than truth so he could see your face, hold your face and tell you that he was sorry for everything knowing fully well that you would say the same thing if you saw him, Noa swallowed hard. 

He felt his heart yearn for that… Even if you were actually dead, he wanted the morbid satisfaction of being the last hands to touch you. You were his and only his, even in death and Noa would never let the mounting guilt that flooded his senses ever forget that. There was always the intent to go back for you, even once the fires dissipated. Alone and torn to shreds the few things that he never cared about. He’d place you next to his Father. He’d--- He looked at Soona with a softened gaze of assurance, he’d hoped that you were with Koro and you were telling him the ways of the Echo just like you had done to his Son. 

Noa…knew that Soona was going to disagree with this much like she disagreed with the agreement you and Noa made nearly a year ago.There was no way to tell her, to describe to her that even though he knew it come be a threat, that he could die, he was more than willing to try. Willing to see you just once more after his harsh abandonment left him feeling more gaped than the wound that inflicted his chest, the blood around itr now drying in heaps and heaps upon the clotted fur that was tangled with dirt. 

She growled at him, a deflection to get him to stop considering what he was about to do. He was playing around with the emotions of one of his closest friends, teetering on the very thin line of distrust. If Soona was right, she’d never believe in Noa’s judgment again, none of the Apes would. But… If this Echo were right then… Noa was wrong, and you were still alive out there, saved by this Echo who came here… He sniffled a bit, the fur that was raised on his shoulder falling down slowly as he tried to keep his breathing rational but the feather’s appearance was dragging him into the ground below, his emotions frayed from no sleep, his brain not comprehending anything outside of getting you back to his side. 

‘I will let him take me to her.’

‘She is dead! Noa.’ Her hands quickened as the human watched them communicate in utter silence, a cruel contradiction to the loudness that Echo seemed to carry with them to all corners of the land. ‘What if he brought more!? We cannot defend ourselves with what we have!’

“You need…” Noa looked at the ground and spoke in nothing but a wistful whisper and felt a stifled cry rise in him as he lifted his tendered shoulder and placed it against Soona’s smaller body, right against her outer shoulder and he pulled her to him languidly, “To trust me… If I do not…” Soona opened her mouth to protest but could see the contemplation written on Noa’s face as he had thought this through as he so often did. And like the conversation of the past to get them all convinced to let you stay, Soona did not agree with his reason or justifications… She did not understand but she chose to do as Noa wanted. Trust.

“If I do not come back, you must take the Clan to the place we scouted out. Let them take me… to save… Eagle Clan.”

“Noa…” Her voice was soft as he tore himself from her, every step he took towards the Echo antagonistic and threatening just to drive home the fact that Noa was indeed a predator and he was willing to do what he needed to do to defend himself. Cross me, his gait said to the male who cowered as he got closer and crouched down, ignoring the sensation of intense crunching of his ribcage from the motion of his body once again closing on on itself and he peered into a set of eyes that should have been so familiar, they were Echo like yours were, but were drawn to fear much like yours had been the first time you laid eyes on Noa and he felt a prickle of familiarity at that.I will be the one to kill your family, every last one of them, his green eyes said, pupils dilated to eclipse any of the color. I will drive them to the very ends of the Earth and put their bodies up on display on wooden sheared spears if you dare.

Spotting Soona one last glance as she moved slowly on all fours towards Noa, her lacked movements evident that she was uncomfortable with his choice but once his eyes set on Dar, who had been moving to help the baby Apes move away from the fight that she sensed could break out, she looked at her Son tenderly. You… Do what you need to do to save your mate, she said softly, Noa feeling the pang hit him at the idea that Dar… 

His own Mother… Wanted nothing more than to turn back time and do the same for Koro, to help aid Noa in the fight in hopes that three against one gorilla would give them any chance. Noa knew - His mind playing the moments of his childhood where he had seen his parents foreheads pressing, his tongue out of his mouth at the display of affection, talking to Anaya and Soona about the lack of interest he ever had in fulfilling that, in setting another female Ape to take his Mother’s position that was garnered with respect and adoration. Noa knew Dar would have done what he could to save Koro and she was giving him the chance, confident her Son would succeed to do just that. 

Noa narrowed his eyes and puffed his breath against the Echo’s face. He cowered again and grunted as he fell almost straight on his back but got caught by another Chimpanzee behind him as Noa’s hand delicately plucked the blue feather right from his shimmering fingertips with acute ease and sacredness of what the item meant to the two of you. It glistened with crimson blood, dark and whispering to him that you were still alive, this blood was fresh and not dried and flaking off. Noa brought it to his lips and let his tongue swipe at it just once, coating it with a glimmer of saliva. Alive, it tasted… Tucking the feather into his armband, careful and gentle as the moistened feather now tangled into the dryer nature of his fur, he muttered.

“Take me to her.”

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

Taglist:

@ohwaitimthewriter @hera-annwn @saturnnie-03 @filliandkili @hadesbabygurl @supergoat12 @moonchild1433

@kaenalsha  @unsteady-bitch  @whamsworld

@yummyfanta @nuhteyam @babylockley @edynmeyer1  @callsignwidow  @moonlightnyx @undecidedcookie

[weirdfangirly]

Fatherless ─⊹⊱ ☆ ⊰⊹─

Dark-Fiction Central ©️

Dark!Joel x Reader

Summery: You offer yourself to a complete stranger in order to survive.

⚠️ : dark content. Dub-con. Age-gap (reader is not a minor). Dark Joel. Mean Joel. Loss of virginity. PiV. Slapping. Reader sees Joel as her dad. Painful sex. Joel enjoys seeing Reader hurt. Reader has daddy issues. Blood. Name calling. Degrading sex. Mention of suicide. Joel is NOT a hero in this one.

A/n: Well damn. If you want more, let me know.💓

─⊹⊱ ☆ ⊰⊹─

What a beautiful day to die, you thought when you opened your eyes this morning. You had spent the night in the woods—just like the night before, and the night before, and the night before...

You didn't dare set foot into the city. It was full with infected and raiders.

Sweat was dripping down from your forehead, even though you wore a light summer dress. Your legs were shaking from exhaustion, you were afraid they'd give in at any moment. You didn't know how long you had been wandering through the woods. Alone and lost. Your stomach was empty, as were your supplies. The only thing that kept you alive was the water from the river flowing through the woods.

Every day was a torment of uncertainty. You wandered between the many trees. You wandered with no destination in mind, with nothing in mind other than to put one foot in front of the other. Basic bodily functions like keeping your eyes open became harder with every passing day. The forest was rough and unpredictable, and you were not dressed appropriately. You were lucky that you hadn't broken an ankle with the footwear you were wearing. Yesterday you had stepped into a ditch and fell, you couldn’t find the strength to pull yourself out of it, so you just lay there and cried yourself to sleep.

Hoping to never wake up again.

Hunger made you grip your stomach in pain. You wished you could just cut it out, so that you didn’t have to put up with the cramps any longer. You had tried to catch squirrels and rabbits when your supplies became thin, but it was hopeless. You felt mocked by them. They led you deeper and deeper into the forest before seemingly vanishing into thin air, leaving you behind exhausted and still hungry. Your starving mind was trying desperately to come up with solutions. At one point you’d even eaten tree barks. Feeling full felt good, but it was short lived.

Suddenly your eyes caught something very promising. You stopped in your tracks, thinking that maybe this was yet another sick joke of your mind…

A berry bush.

Your eyes widened at the mere sight of the thick juicy berries. A miracle.

You ran to the berries. You couldn't remember the last time you had enough strength to actually run, but the mere thought of eating real food gave you the energy you needed to do that. You eagerly started to pick up as many berries as possible. Your hands were shaking in anticipation, your mouth watering, your mind running wild.

You were about to stuff the handful of berries inside your mouth when you suddenly heard the clicking sound of a gun.

*click click*

Your body froze.

„I wouldn't eat those if I were you.“, said a deep masculine voice.

The man was standing a few feet behind you, barrel of his gun aimed at you. The sight of you deeply confused him. When was the last time he’d seen a girl wearing a summer dress?

25 fucking years ago?

„Turn around.“, he said. „Slowly.“

You did what you were told, carefully turning around.

The first thing you saw was death lingering at the barrel of his gun. You slowly raised your shaking hands and looked up at your possible executor. A tall man, older than your father had been when he had passed. His old age didn’t match with his body. He had board shoulders and strong arms. His legs were long and steady. Fit. Invincible.

He looked like someone who would survive the apocalypse. Ruthless.

What a beautiful day to die, you remembered your thoughts from this morning—you weren’t so sure about that anymore…

He on the other hand, didn’t know what to think of you.

“Pokeweed berries..”, he pointed his gun at the berry bush behind you. “..are poisonous.”

“T-thank y-you.”, you stutter, unsure what else to say. You opened your palms and let the berries fall to the ground like little pearls.

It was comical that you were thanking the man who had a gun pointed at your face, but he appreciated your good manners.

“Now, tell me what are you doing on my land, girl.”, he demanded to know.

“I-I didn’t know...”, the last time you’d spoken to someone was your father. Your voice sounded brittle. You cleared your throat. “I-I didn’t know I was trespassing, s-sir.”

Joel had a way of dealing with trespassers; putting a bullet in their heads. No exceptions. He had never encountered a trespasser looking quite like you though. You were clearly malnourished—the gun in his hands weighted more than you. Your legs were covered in little scratches and nasty bruises. Your long hair were covering half of your face like a curtain—he could still make out enough to confidently say that you were too young and too pretty to be anywhere out here on your own. He saw no weapon on you neither. He raised his eyebrow when he spotted your painted toenails…You were wearing fucking sandals. You made no sense to him. Hadn’t you realised in what times you were living?

He could feel his pants getting tighter—which annoyed him greatly. It clearly had been a long time since he’d fucked a cunt when the mere sight of painted toenails and a pretty face excited him this much.

You were oblivious of what was happening inside the man’s pants. Your only worry was the gun pointed at your face. You wanted to run away, but your head was dizzy, your vision foggy, your stomach hurting and your mind running crazy.

It was a miracle that you were still standing at this point.

“Where are your people?”, he doubted you were traveling alone. You were probably just lost and people were already searching for you.

You shook your head.

“Bullshit.”, he spat. “Don’t lie to me, girl.”

He quickly scanned his surroundings, expecting someone hiding behind the trees and waiting to attack him. He took a step closer to you, which made you take a step back. “You gon’tell me that a girl like you is up here all by herself? I ain’t buyin it.”

“I-I swear, sir.”, you sobbed. “I’m…I have no one.”

Hearing the truth hurt. It took a lot of you not to break down crying. This was the first time someone had ever pointed a gun at you and it reminded you of the death of your mother. This is how she must’ve felt during her last seconds on earth? Scared and helpless.

Joel wasn’t sure if he believed you or not. By the looks of your physical state, it seemed to him that there was some truth behind your words.

“What’s in your backpack? Any weapon’s?”, he wanted to know. He thought about making you hand it over to him, but he doubted that you were carrying anything of use in it.

You shook your head. “Just my-my pocket knife.”

“Of course.”, he murmured, getting more and more frustrated with you. What a stupid girl. Walking around like this not even armed. He lowered his gun and turned around.

“Get lost.”, he said, before walking away. “Before I kill you.”

You were standing there perplexed, hands still up. You watched him walk away. He was the first human interaction you had in weeks. Your first human interaction besides your family. You shook your head in disbelief.

He was leaving you.

Leaving you alone.

Leaving you to Die.

Alone with your hunger and pain.

Your only chance of survival was literally walking away from you.

“Wait!”, you called out after him, but he kept walking.

No, no, no.

You started to run after him, almost tripping over your own feet. You couldn’t let him just walk away like that.

You had to do something.

“Please.”, you begged, not even sure for what.

But the man kept walking. His face was stone cold, looking right ahead.

“Please, sir.”, you tried again. “Please don’t leave me alone. I’m…I’m hungry.”

You sounded pathetic to him—something Joel barely tolerated.

“Not my problem, girl.”

You grabbed his arm, trying to stop him from walking any further—big mistake. He turned around in a heartbeat and grabbed your wrist. Your wrist felt like a toothpick in his iron-like grip. His first instinct was to break your fucking arm, but he stopped himself from doing just that, reminding himself that you were just a stupid kid.

Tears started to swell up from your eyes and your plump lip started to wobble. Fear was written all over your face and you immediately submitted to his strength. Knowing it was pointless to fight against it.

“Ouch.”, a sob escaped your throat and you begun to cry. Fat ugly tears started to run down your doll-like face.

He frowned, disgusted by your weakness and himself for finding it arousing…He let go of your wrist and you collapsed to the ground. Your shoulders started to shake uncontrollably. “I-I miss my d-daddy.”, you suddenly hiccuped.

A wave of feelings washed over him. He was annoyed of your showcase of weakness in front of him—a total stranger. He wanted to pull you up and slap you across the face, to get you back to reality. He was angry at himself for feeling sorry for you, just because you reminded him of his daughter in one way or another. Equally as innocent. Sarah never got to get used to the brutality of the world, she died an angel. Sweet and pure. He hadn’t felt this type of emotion for a long time. Sadness. Sarah—No. He shook the thoughts of his past life away. You weren’t Sarah. You were a nobody. Just a stupid girl that clearly didn’t know what was good for her—because Joel clearly wasn’t, especially since his pants got even tighter after hearing you cry out the word daddy.

Sick son of a bitch.

He decided that every feeling was easier to deal with than sadnesses. He wanted to forget, so he grabbed you by the arm and pulled you up. He slapped you across the face. Hard. Pain shot through your body and made you shut up immediately. His slap had put you in some kind of shock like state. The only other person who had ever done this to you was you father.

His hit felt so familiar, you almost wanted to beg for more.

“Consider this a warning, girl.”, he whispered close to your ear. “Have you any idea, what a stranger with a gun could do to a girl like you during times like this?”

You didn’t say a word. Your brain was still trying to regulate the pain that was radiating from where his hand had collided with your face.

“Last chance, girl,”, he said, voice dangerously low. “Get lost, before I blow your pretty face away.”

After a pregnant pause, you opened your mouth to speak. “You find me pretty?”

He has called you pretty.

He frowned at your words. Bewildered at your question in a situation like this

“Do you?”, you urged to know.

“I slapped you a little too hard, sweetheart? Seems like you’ve lost you goddamn mind.”

“Keep me.”

“What?”

“Keep me.”, you repeated, now silent tears running down your face. “Take me with you, I’ll be good to you. I-I promise.”

Your words angered him deeply because they sounded so goddamn good to him.

“I don’t want to die.”, it came out as a whisper.

He grabbed you by your throat. If you were scared, you didn’t show it. Your eyes seemed dull, disconnected. You truly looked like a lifeless doll to him. He brought you closer to his face. Observing you intensely.

You were so easy, so submissive. He didn’t know what to feel.

“You don’t know what you are getting yourself into, kiddo.”, he whispered. You could feel his hot breath on you skin. “You will not like what you recive..”

And he was right. You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into. You didn’t know anything. Your father had kept you sheltered away from reality. You never left the parameters of your fathers farm. You’d never spoken to anyone but him since the death of your mother. You didn’t know anything about the real world—but you’d read books. Many of them. Romances. You once read that “the female body is the most powerful weapon against a man.” At first you didn’t understand, but now you do. You knew what men wanted…it was the only thing you had to offer to him in order to survive.

He waited for you to say something. To apologise and beg him to let you go, that it was all an misunderstanding and that you were just a stupid girl who didn’t know any better— but you stayed quiet.

He saw desperation in your eyes, behind all the dullness.

Fuck.

He tossed you to the ground like a rag doll.

He was circling you like a lion, while throwing his weapon aside.

The man crouched down and spread your legs. He pulled your dress up, revealing your clothed cunt. He could see the outline of your plump lips through the thin fabric of your underwear. He nearly fucking came just by the sight of it. He tore your underwear apart with a grunt.

This wasn’t at all how you’d imagined your first time to be. You’d hoped it would be more like how it was in your books; with a guy you trusted and loved. Sweet and innocent. Exciting and nerve-wracking. Silly and dumb. Kind and loving.

Sadly, your really looked different; The forest floor was rough and uneven. Sticks and stones poked you in the back. It was uncomfortable. The man in front of you, who was currently slowly unbuckling his belt, was twice your age and far away from being your boyfriend. In fact, he was a total stranger. You were hungry and utterly exhausted. You felt disconnected from the situation—which was a good thing considering what would happen next.

„Fucking perfect.“, he whispered. You watched him stare at your most private parts. You felt ashamed and closed your legs again, blocking his view. His eyes snapped up at you, frowning.

„Open them.“, he said calmly. Chest falling up and down.

The sight of him in a state like this scared you. You nodded, scared of the sudden shift of his energy, and opened your legs for him again.

„Try this again and I’ll fucking cut your legs off.“, he warned.

He was slowly losing himself, losing control. The rational part of him knew that what he was doing was wrong for so many reasons. He was taking advantage of an starving girl. You were young, he didn’t even know how old. Definitely way younger than Sarah would’ve been now had he not failed her...

Stop.

A sudden wave of rage overcame him. This had nothing to do with Sarah. You had nothing to do with Sarah. It pissed him off that you made him think about her while being in a state like this.

You shook your head in dread. „I-I just…I…can I know your name?“

You hoped that maybe if you knew his name that this would feel less dirty, more intimate…

“Shut up.”, he just hissed. He grabbed inside his pants and freed his member. Your eyes widened and you let out a little whine of protest.

It was your first time seeing a man’s cock. It looked unnatural to you. It looked wrong. Thick and veiny. Too big. It was painfully red, throbbing.

He rubbed his hand over your little cunt, sending a shockwave through your body. He then put his thick finger inside you to feel you up.

„Are you scared?“, he asked.

You nodded. Scared and hungry. So hungry.

„I can tell, you’re fucking dry.“, he murmured, annoyed. He spit inside his palm and stroked his throbbing cock—this was all the preparation you would get from him.

Without wasting any more time, he slammed his thick cock inside you—or at least he tried. The size of his cock was too much to handle for your body, your cunt was rejecting him, working against him—but Joel kept pushing, forcing his length inside you. All of it.

Meanwhile, you were chocking on your own screams.

“Good job, cunt.”, Joel praised after making you take all of his cock.

He watched you cry for a second. Your face was painfully distorted and you were holding tightly onto his forearms for support.

“Fuck!”, he hissed. You were so tight, it was almost painful for him too. Almost.

He started to fuck you hard but slow. He was on top of you, holding himself up on his hands. After a few of his thrusts your body’s natural instincts kicked in and your cunt started to become wet for him, making this feel even better for him.

“Do you like it, baby?”, he chuckled darkly.

You didn’t. You had started to remove yourself from the situation by focusing on the branches of the leaves above you. So pretty.

Joel didn’t like that. He wanted you here. He wanted you to learn—too see what happens to dumb girls like you if not careful enough. He slapped you across the face again. This time hard enough to cause your nose to bleed—he didn’t mean to do that, he was pumped full of testosterone and adrenaline.

“I said, do. You. Like. It?”, with every word his hips snapped into yours, hard. Seeing you bleed for him like that only made him want to hurt you even more. Your were so goddamn sweet.

You looked up. Your vision was blurry, but he still looked so handsome to you. “Yes, dad.”, you whispered, confusing him with your father.

You had missed being close with someone. You had missed being loved. You had missed the warmth of human interaction. You were alone and scared for so long now. You never wanted to go back to that—even if it meant to suffer.

Hearing you call him dad, angered him. He stilled abruptly and grabbed you by your throat, making you chocke. “M’not your goddamn father, you fucking whore.”

He spit in your face. How dare you call him dad?

„Say it.“, he demanded.

You tried to but he was choking you too hard. He removed his hand from your throat.

„Your-your not my dad!“, you choked out.

He continued to fuck you, but this time his thrusts were even more unforgiving. His hips snapped into yours, bruising you up.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”, you cried out. “Please, ah!”

Joel didn’t care about your cries. It only turned him on more. Your father had clearly never explained to you how dangerous this world was for girls like you. You were lucky that it was him fucking you. It could’ve been much worse for you. You should thank him really.

Joel was fucking you like a beast, grunting and hissing in your ear. His sweat was dripping down your neck. He was hot, yet you felt cold. He kept his unforgiving rhythm; hard but slow.

You didn’t know how long it took him to find his high and finish, but he eventually came all over your stomach and dress. Growling like a wolf. You didn't even realize it was over. You could still feel him all over you.

“Fuck!”, he needed a few seconds to calm down. Kneeling over you and trying to catch his breath. His half-hard cock was hanging out of his pants. He wiped the sweat from his forehead while watching you lay beneath him covered in his hot cum.

He raised an eyebrow when he saw that blood was dripping down from your abused entrance. He looked down at his cock just to see it painted with your blood…

“Virgin?”, he whispered. You were a fucking virgin?

“What kinda fucking virgin whores herself out like this?”, he hissed at you. He was still panting heavily.

You didn’t respond, too stunned with the mixture of emotions you were feeling.

He got up and put his cock away, mumbling words to himself. He picked his firearm up from the ground.

He looked down at you. You still hadn’t made any efforts to get up. Your dress was still rolled up, cunt on display, cum all over you. He felt disgust by his handiwork.

“Get up, girl.”, he said. “C’mon.”

“It hurts.”, you just whispered, looking up at the dancing leaves.

He crouched down and rolled you dress down, covering you up before helping you in your feet. You looked down at yourself, your virginity was dripping down your slander legs. Your cheeks turned red out of shame as if it was your fault.

He cleared his throat. “M’name is Joel.”

You looked up at him and cracked a small broken smile. “I’m very hungry, Joel.”

He nodded a few times. “I know. Can you walk?”

He felt bad for even asking.

You tried to make a baby-step forward and pain shot through your body. “Ouch.”, you hissed and cupped your private part.

“C’mon. Hold onto me. S’not far.”, he offered you his arm and you looked up at him for any indication that he was just messing with you and that he would push you away the second you would touch him.

“Thank you, Joel.”, you said and grabbed his arm for support, looking forward to your meal.

[shan-yee]

𝘿𝙖𝙮 𝙑𝙄𝙄𝙄 = 𝘈 𝘝𝘪𝘬𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦

𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝 = 𝘝𝘪𝘬𝘵𝘰𝘳 [𝘈𝘳𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘦]

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 = 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴.

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨 = 527

𝘼/𝙉 = English is not my first language, please let me know if you see any mistakes ! Enjoy ✨

The dull sound of his steps followed by his cane resonated in the quiet house. He always took a while to move and over time his frustration had not subsided, on the contrary.

Finally, after what would have taken only a few seconds for an average person, Viktor arrived at his destination. Sitting on a [F/C] sofa, which he had let her choose knowing that she would spend much more time on it than him, he found the woman he loved.

Having heard him arrive, the young woman did not take long to look up from what she was doing to look at him gently. Viktor avoided her gaze, which he never did, except when he blamed himself for something.

She gave him a questioning look and the man started walking in her direction again, she then had the reflex to get up to offer him her hand but he didn’t take it and sat awkwardly next to her.

—Love what is wrong ? she asked him.

Viktor seemed embarrassed, uncomfortable, and rubbed the palms of his hands on his thighs.

—I need to talk to you about something.

[Y/N] nodded and timidly placed her hand on her lover's, fearing that he would push her away. But this time he grabbed her, and using his thumb he caressed her skin gently and lovingly.

—When i die-

The [H/C] haired woman didn't even give him time to finish and stood up like a fury. The scientist's impending death was a very sensitive and taboo subject, they only talked about it on very rare occasions. But Viktor wasn't the one pushing the subject away. After a slight sigh he continued, not seeming to care about his girlfriend outburst.

—I want you to live, to live for me. I refuse to allow you to let yourself think that life is no longer worth anything, because you know that is not true. There are lots of things you haven't done yet, travel, read all the books in the world, try all the improbable food combinations...start a family...

These last words seemed to wake up the young woman who had started to bite and tear the skin from the side of her thumb, frowning. She glared at him, several emotions in her eyes.

Viktor took a deep breath before it was interrupted by a coughing fit, he finally looked up at her with a look that said « you see ». Because yes, he didn't have much time left and no matter how much he searched, he still hadn't found anything to miraculously save him.

—I know that’s what you wanted for us. Unfortunately it's too late. But you have something I don't have, time, so make good use of it and-

—Don’t you dare !

For the second time that evening the thirty-year-old was cut, but this time, by a slap. He blinked several times, stuned, while touching his cheek, which was already starting to turn red, with his fingertips before meeting the tearful gaze of the one he would have liked to call his wife.

Once again she cried, and once again it was his fault.

[energon-depo]

WOOO HOO CHARACTER ANALYSIS TIME this is about how optimus sees smokescreen n jack :)

(btw this my first analysis) ANYWAYS LET'S GO

just a heads up this is a LONG LONG POST to get ready! also i HAVENT SEEN THE ENDING OF PRIME YET

okay remember when ratchet said "optimus wasn't always before he was a prime -he was more like jack" AND REMEMBER HOW HE GAVE HIM THE MARTIX KEY? yeah optimus's sees a lot of former self in jack. he CLEARLY DOES same with smokescreen! the first time we saw smokescreen we knew he was a strategist, and prime knew that aswell. when smokey told him he was under the guidance of prime's MENTOR? yeah optimus knew both of them were destined for great things. all they did needed was guidance and maturity. because BOTH did something stupid that was motivated by brashness, remember when Jack was beefing with a bully? he was being immature, BUT he apologized! he took fault for his actions! same with smokey, remember when he took jack(best bros) with him to a mission? yeah well he did and he was sorry! he even apologized to acree directly knowing he scared her the most with that stunt! he didn't even blame jack for going with(he could've, and jack would have gladly took the blame)BUT HE DIDNT! these two know when their wrong and will IMMEDIATELY backpedal if they hurt anyone of their family physically or emotionally! AND THIS IS WERE WE COME TO OPTIMUS! prime knows those two have their heart and spark in the right place, heck! smokey is literally destiny's child. prime REALLY REALLY REALLY sees his former self in these two. and he treated them as EQUALS to team prime not a human child, not a rookie soldier.(could also go for how he treats miko and raf aswell, he sees their potential. miko's high comparison for other's and raf's talent in tech) so when prime gave jack the "ground bridge key"(the matrix key thing), he was confident that jack will not only keep it safe but also figure out what to do with it when the time comes. if he'd given it to let's say acree she would've probably denied it, said ratchet is a better fit due to the fact she has knowledge about it's real purpose. the OTHER reason why he gave it to jack is because; he's a kid, a Human kid, he doesn't know it's real properties. his thoughts were "optimus gave me an important job to keep the ground bridge key safe, with me. I can't let him down" It's his first real solo task! heck he even said "shouldn't ratchet have this?" but prime assured him its his task to bare. as for smokescreen? prime was THIS CLOSE to giving him the matrix. when he was in the worst shape possible and losing hope, he's (nearly) dying words was bestowing smokey with the matrix. smokescreen kept refusing he CAN'T be a prime, if he was a prime that mean optimus is dead and he doesn't want optimus to die, he's his leader, his idol, his hero. he already went out of order with coming back, and he brought optimus the forge of solang(i think? i forgot it's name it the yellow hammer) he's train of thought was "get the hammer from the cons, give to prime, prime fixes himself and its all good!"when optimus told him "the hammer must be used to fix the omega locks -the life of one is not important as the lives of many"[paraphrasing]. smokescreen stuck with his gut, his original train of thought and his compassion for his (found)family. he went out of order again putting the hammer in prime's hand REFUSING that this is the end for Optimus prime. he was rewarded with ya know prime coming back and not dying and practically saving earth basically average day for the goat smokey. i would like to also mention when smokescreen was getting chewed out by acree, prime was trying to get her to stop(no hate towards the based queen acree btw she's awesome) and when smokey stormed off he let him leave, knowing he had some reflecting he needed to do. ALSO when jack backed down from team prime, he understood that, he was upset of course he gotten attached to those humans, but he respected his opinion and didn't force him at all.

Moral of the story prime is best dad, jack and smokey are bros4life and prime team is best family(cheers)

[punkpandapatrixk]

✍🏻Destined Person's Words of Love ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

‘Let’s face it, no pretty girl in her right mind wants me. She wants Gregory Peck.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Well, isn’t it?’

‘How do you know what a pretty girl wants?’

‘Well, I don’t really know, but I imagine—'

‘You and your imagination. You think every girl’s a dope! You think a girl goes to a party and there’s some guy, a great big lunk in a fancy striped vest, strutting around like a tiger, giving you that I’m-so-handsome-you-can’t-resist-me look. And from this she’s supposed to fall flat on her face.

Well, she doesn’t fall on her face. But there’s another guy in the room, way over in the corner. Maybe he’s kinda nervous and shy, perspiring a little. First you look past him but then you sort of sense, he’s gentle and kind and worried. And he’ll be tender with you. Nice and sweet. That’s what’s really exciting.

If I were your wife, I’d be very jealous of you… I’d be very, very jealous.’

— The Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch (1955)

SONG: Baby Baby cover by TAEIL & Unforgettable by Nat King Cole

MOVIE: Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) & Whisper of the Heart (1995)

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People often can’t see for themselves just how lovely they are in someone else’s eye. Although it is important we don’t depend our entire sense of worth on another person’s acknowledgement or approval, I still think it’s such a sweet thing to be reminded by a wonderful someone that we are inherently wonderful ourselves.

Maybe because society is such a hurtful place to be… people, have a habit of viewing themselves quite harshly; full of judgements and malignant points of view. But if someone lovely views you so dearly, wouldn’t you be a darling and think lovelier thoughts of yourself, too?🥰

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – I’ve Kept My Love Only for You

VIBE: Alone by Jimin & Kako to Genjitsu (The Past and Reality) by BONNIE PINK

you reflected in my Eye – 7 of Pentacles Rx

My Dearest, do you know how many secrets I hide deep within my heart? Secrets not even my close friends would ever figure. I’ve dealt with a lot in this lifetime. This Life, has not been exactly very kind to me. But I am managing, and I often think to myself, which I know must be true, that I’m still going on only because you have been protecting me from somewhere I can’t see. I can feel you, that’s why.

I don’t know what you look like, but I’ve often felt your embrace when life knocks me down—when shit hit like a storm and tried to kill me; I could feel your hands healing me with magic stardust. I always knew it. But I couldn’t put that into words for surely everybody would think me insane. But My Love, I am crazy. Sometimes I can’t breathe—my yearning for you suffocates me with so much pining.

Where are you? Dammit, I’m in pain. I think about you all the time. You’ve given me something precious to live by. I hope I’ve done the same for you, in any way, any small way, even if just a bit. I want to be of some use to you. I want to embrace and protect you like you’ve done for me. When are you coming? I am so sad but nobody will ever know of it because I’m in love with a Ghost.

manifesting you, my Dear – 5 of Cups Rx

There’s a lot about the past I must let go, heal from, and trust me, I’m doing it! I’m at my best healing my soul, my heart, my mind; all so I can be a good person for you. I don’t want to be a shitty person carrying, well, a lot of shit when we meet. I don’t want my toilet baggage of a past to ruin our connection when the time is right for us to meet! I know it’s a lot to say, but I’m crazy about you.

I think about you all the time, hoping you’d feel me constantly the way I’m feeling you. I wonder, am I feeling you so much because… you’re actually thinking of me, too? Dammit! I wish I could know for sure! Tell me, babe! Argh… I’m so curious I could die! Do you miss me? Do you like me? Do you want… to be with me? Do you… feel me?

I haven’t told anybody about you. I’ve never really spoken of you. I dunno… it just feels so preciously secret I feel I shouldn’t be precarious about it lest someone hurts you in the process. It doesn’t make sense, right? But you’re someone I have to protect in secrecy. It’s hard to put into words but your aenergy is so pure, so precious, only for me; I don’t want to spoil it by sharing my knowledge of you with anybody else. I guess I’m obsessed LMAO I’m possessed by you!

i love You – 3 of Swords

Tell me, has the world been unkind to you as well? Sometimes I see you crying in my dreams. And I worry. For a whole day. A whole week. Sometimes it’s impossible to shake off thoughts of you hurting even though I don’t even know where you are. I miss you. I love you, you know? I promise everything will be alright when you’re with me. Come to me already. I’m ready for you. I’m SO ready for you, babe! Jump into my embrace you cutie pie! I’ll hold you for days.

And I haven’t the slightest doubt you’re the most beautiful being to walk on Earth. Yeah, that’s why you’ve dealt with envious bitches, right? I know that. Dunno how I do, but I know that. Though it may sound stoopid, I’m jealous of those who can even meet you in real life. I’m wondering everyday what kind of a wonderful being you are in person. I know you’re a divine healer. Sweet and kind more than appearances could tell.

It’s only because you exist in this world that I’ve been able to live this long. Otherwise, I would’ve died a long, long, long time ago. I’ve kept on living just for you. I wish you’d know that. I’ve kept my Love only for you and no one else. Never anybody else. I’m so grateful for you but I’m so sad. I miss you so badly sometimes I could go crazy. I’m haunted by dreams of you and I can’t even recognise your face. I want to see you.

MY MUSE🔻💚

how Grateful i am – Green Magus (John Dee)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Fertility

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Loving All of You in This Reality

VIBE: I Like Me Better cover by Jaehyun & Neko to Inu (Cat and Dog) by Sakamoto Maaya

you reflected in my Eye – 7 of Wands Rx

Hey bro, you see, the world is full of distractions and my mind races a million lightyears per hour, but I’ve got things to say. So bear with me. Ahem!

You, are God. And I, am not a simp! Listen, hon. I have so much passion for you. Big, big passion; as wide as the seas and high as the skies, and I hope you can understand how much I feel for you. I’m not a poet; though I try to be, but I’m not a book smart kinda person, unfortunately *sigh*

You see, in the past, or should I say up until just recently, I’ve not been the nicest or greatest person you could possibly meet. I was lazy, I wasn’t responsible or realistic at all. I was simply, lost. In many ways, I admit I’ve been a loser of sort. I’ve hated myself quite a lot, if I cared to admit. But you’re like the complete opposite of me. NO wait…

The truth is, I see that you’re a reflection of myself. You are me. But just the good parts. When I look at you, I’m reminded of my own potentials and I really love how you make me feel when I’m with you. I can see myself in a better light when I see myself reflected in your eyes. The way you see and think of me… God, how can a person be so good and still be attracted to me…

manifesting you, my Dear – King of Wands

Therefore, baby, I want you to know that I’m working on myself. Up until now I’ve always thought of myself as someone who has not much else but passion! But that has made me a rather chaotic clown. The truth is, I didn’t really know what to do with my own passion, my own Life. What kinds of things were possible for me to manifest? What kinds of things would be good to even manifest? I was lost, lost, lost.

But goddamn, you appeared out of nowhere, like godsend, and bam! Wham! I was changed. Now I have bigger, nobler dreams because you’re in the picture! All that I want, I want you to be part of it. I want you. A Life with you. I’ll build a kingdom for the two of us. Nothing in this world would mean something if you’re not with me. Would you marry me? Ah… sorry, that jumped out on its own.

Heheh my mind jumps from one thing to another sometimes I surprise myself. I hope you don’t mind me being this chaotic—I’ve still got room to grow! I’m still growing up and I want to become closer to something as talented as you, sincerely. You are my role model, don’t you know that? You may think it sounds weird but I’m not embarrassed to say that!

i love You – 5 of Wands Rx

I’m afraid of competition. That’s all my Life has been. If I’m honest, I’m torn between my confidence in winning you and my occasional sense of worthlessness. I’m afraid you’re never going to view me as good enough for someone as good as you. I know you’re my Destined Person! So I know I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts… but I can’t help it somehow.

Maybe the problem is that I want so badly to become like you. To become someone who won’t be embarrassing to you. And that’s a lot of work, okay? Just… seriously, a lot of work on my part. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, I’m just afraid. I’ve been a loser too long. Ah, never mind. I know, I know. I think my mind just needs to grow up a bit more.

The problematic thing is, when I think about you, I go back to my younger self who had more dreams and ambitions and then I become scared again LMAO I’m a mess. I want to create an amazing world for you and me. How can I ever get there? I’m still figuring this out, alright? We’ve got an entire lifetime to see how this goes😊I LOVE YOU!!

MY MUSE🔻❤️

how Grateful i am – Red Historian (John Dee)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Faith

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – All’s Written in the Stars for You and I

VIBE: Serendipity by Jimin & Paris in the Rain by Lauv

you reflected in my Eye – Knight of Cups

Ever since I was only a kid, I’ve always known there was a special someone who was always close by. I’d look up to the heavens to look for you, My Dearest, the brightest of all the Stars. When I look at the Moon, I feel like drowning in your sweet essence. Your soothing voice, your warm embrace—to me, all of that was real. And I knew I was special, because someone special whom I couldn’t see whispered that to me every day.

Because of you, I was able to grow up believing I was meant for something greater in this lifetime. You were always my motivation. I knew that if I became something great, sooner than later I’d meet you; and I’d be proud of the creature I’d made of myself when I present this humble me before your grace. I want you to look at me with stars in your eyes. Because in my mind, with all of my heart I’ve worshipped you.

At least… I’d like to be someone worthy of you. My Queen, I promise you I will become King and bring Heaven on Earth for all that you love. You are surely the loveliest creature I’ll ever know. Sweet and kind, and brave and strong, you are everything all at once. And my heart longs only for you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I will make you the happiest person in the whole world.

manifesting you, my Dear – VII The Chariot Rx

The fact that we are alive, at the same time, in this world is miraculous as it is. If only you knew just how strongly the dark forces are trying to break us apart, keep us separate, you’d marvel at the wonder that you’re even reading this from me! From the moment the Universe was created, you and I have always been one and the same. We’re linked just like that. As long as you think of me, I will always be by your side.

I’m also thinking about you all the time. You exist somewhere in this Galaxy; your body is sleeping somewhere on this Earth. Right now, you are but a dream to me. But my dreams have been leading me to you. I… don’t think we need to even work that hard at manifesting each other. It’s all written in the stars for you and I, darling. Though I admit I fall into a slump sometimes…

Manifesting you is probably not the easiest thing because I’m impatient. I try to be. Seriously. But my longing for you kills me sometimes. I want you right by my side, right now. I keep dreaming about the day we rendezvous under the most magical circumstances. I wonder if you’ll recognise me… Because I know I will. I’ve been manifesting you for the longest time.

i love You – 4 of Swords

I love you. In the purest, gentlest manner possible. I want you to relax when you’re with me. I’d like you to let your guards down and be able to breathe in the sweet air. The wind caresses your hair and there I will be watching your beauty finally in form before me. I will be appreciating the fact we occupy the same space and time at all. I will take in this moment as if it were an eternity.

When you’re with me, there is not a worry. I won’t ever make you doubt my intentions. I’m loyal like that. I’m your only other and I’ll kiss you better. Everything that’s ever caused you pain, I’ll eliminate forever. Everything that’s ever caused you tears, I’ll replace with calm and peace. I’m strong, so you can depend on me. I’ll show you a whole new world, okay?

So, don’t be afraid to trust. Don’t hesitate. I know you waver sometimes but I’m here for you. I’m all yours. I’m not at all like those who’ve been stupid enough to disappoint you. I’ll never hurt you. How could I ever? I’d be killed by a cow if I ever did! My gosh, I love you. I love you. I love you so much I could swallow you whole! Please be with me. Trust in me and never look at anybody else. I beg of you?

MY MUSE🔻💙

how Grateful i am – Red Physician (Galen of Pergamon)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Love

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[thewardenisonthecase]

Burden

Lucanis Dellamorte x Dawn Thorne

Summary: Lucanis reflects on the truth of loving a Grey Warden.

A/N: I've talked about the potential angst of any warden relationship so I wrote this. I made myself a little sad and also I don't know where I was going with it.

word count: 832

Lucanis couldn’t sleep.  But this night, it wasn’t due to coffee, it was because of the woman who lay underneath him. 

Dawn slept peacefully, unaware of the thoughts plaguing her lover’s mind as she snored in his ear. Lucanis had his head on her chest, listening to her heart beating. 

One day, he would lose her to a monster he couldn’t kill. 

He’d lose her to the Blight. 

The greatest plight of the Grey Wardens, she had once told him, is that one way or another, they were destined to die young. They’d either die in battle, or die killing an Archdemon or they’d die because of the Blight. 

“I’ve come to terms with it.” She had said. “Besides, at least it means I’ll die doing something good for the world.”

But he hadn’t come to terms with it. 

They would kill the gods, they would save the world and Dawn would still be destined to die in the Deep Roads and there was nothing that Lucanis could do about it.

This feeling of helplessness…it reminded him of the Ossuary. He had fought to live, but there were days where he had felt he would be under the sea, forever tormented by the Venatori.

He had felt helplessness when he was a boy, and Caterina’s cane stung against his back, and there was nothing that could stop her. 

It was Dawn that had shown him otherwise. She had rescued him from the Ossuary, and then she rescued him from himself. She had urged him to fight for his own life, and given him the strength to defy his own grandmother. 

He could never repay her, because even if he killed Ghilanain, Lucanis would still lose her, and that…that he could not handle. 

“Lucanis…” she grumbled, shifting around “You’re holding me too tight.” 

“Oh” he said, looking at where one of his hands was holding her arm, his knuckles white. “I’m sorry.” He let go of her, reluctantly, and the two moved into a different position, laying sideways, facing each other. 

“You look troubled.” She said, one of her eyes closed. 

“It’s nothing. And you need to sleep.”

“It’s not nothing. And I can’t sleep if something’s troubling you.” 

Lucanis sighed.  There was not getting out of this. He might as well be honest.

“I don’t want to lose you.” He whispered.

Dawn looked at him, frowning “You’re not going to lose me.”

“But I will.” He took a deep breath. “Dawn, you have blight in your veins. If you don’t die fighting darkspawn, the corrupting will. And I’m not ready for that.” 

“Lucanis…” she whispered. There was not a lot she could say. “But that is years from now-”

“You don’t know that. You’ve been a warden for almost twenty years now, only the Maker knows how long you have left.” He took another deep breath, trying to still himself. “I’ve accepted contracts for wardens younger than you who already had their Calling. I’ve seen what it looks like, Dawn. I can’t-”

Lucanis closed his eyes as he tried to swallow his tears. A soft thumb gently wiped a tear that escaped his eye and he looked at her again. 

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me.” He said, voice shaking. He wanted to say more, but his throat was clogged up. If he spoke again, he would sob and he did not want for her to see him cry. 

Dawn scooted until she was even closer than before, their foreheads touching. 

“You’re right.” She began, softly. “I will die of the blight, eventually. And there’s nothing you or I, or anyone else can do about it. And I don’t know what to say to you. But I can say that there's no point in dwelling on it. We make what we can of the time we still have.”

He let out a dry chuckle. “That’s not very reassuring.”

She smiled weakly, “It’s all I can offer.” She closed her eyes. “I’m scared too, Lucanis. But at least I have you, don’t I?” 

“You do.” 

“Then let’s get back to sleep.”

Lucanis hummed in agreement. Somehow, sleep claimed him first, but Dawn suddenly remembered a conversation from long ago, when she was still dealing with the reality of her situation. 

“How do you do it?” A younger Dawn had asked her commander. 

“Do what?”

“Deal with all this death. With your own death. We’re all destined to die shitty deaths in the Deep Roads.”

The commander looked at her eyes, a sparkle of recognition lit up in hers. 

“I don’t. You grow and you learn to live with it. A Grey Warden’s duty is their burden, and it is a heavy one.” Then, the commander looked outside, to where a man sparred with the other recruits.

When he noticed her staring, he waved at her and the commander blew him a kiss, making him blush. She turned to Dawn once again. “But it’s easier to carry it when you share it.”

.

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