#the thing is i’ve received this more than once so its a me problem but at the same time. greeting people all cheery and smiley isn’t me

[chrollogy]

worse thing you can do to me is mischaracterise me because what do you mean you see me as ‘someone who thinks she’s better than everyone else’ just because i don’t talk that much 😀

[hyuckiefluff]

Hey so I hv request! Really love the way you write♡ ok so mark is on adrenaline high frm the concert and is really touch starved and really just wants to fuck his gf! Established realtionship y/n and Mark, feel free to add your magic, thank you!!!

a/n: thank u for the nice words and for sending in this req!! this is exactly what i needed to get back into the mood cuz i’ve (once again) been neglecting my writing lol but anyway when i read this the first thing i thought of was quiet down hence the pic :)

ps: requests are still open btw (still got a lot of them to go through but feel free to send in more) i usually do them in order of which one inspires me the most so even if you send rn i might get to it first!

pairing: mark lee x fem!reader

wc: 1.3k

content warnings: semi-public sex, unprotected sex, slight choking, brief mention of blood, mark is sex starved so he goes a bit crazy, ass groping, handjob (m. receiving), cum eating yeah ik ik i keep writing this but i can’t stop sawry, big c0ck mark!! barely any prep or aftercare (they don’t have time!!!) basically just a messy & needy quickie backstage.

masterlist

Mark was losing his mind. 

Why?

All because you placed him on a week-long sex ban in an attempt to prepare him for the upcoming tour. He knew you were just trying to help him adjust to being away from you, but it felt like torture.

Everything was fine at first, or at least Mark was doing a great job pretending. But as the first week neared its end, his resolve started to crumble. Today, in particular, he was extremely horny for no reason.

...Well, he actually did have a reason and it was the picture you sent him this morning, wearing the new underwear he had gifted you  'They fit perfectly, Markie ;)'.

And as if that wasn’t enough, you showed up to his show wearing his favorite skirt—the very one you knew he always fucked you in. He wasn't sure if he was just thinking with his dick, but it felt like you were trying to push him to his limit.

Either way, it was definitely working, because when you leaned in for a kiss, he caught a glimpse of your underwear in the mirror's reflection and and he had to fight against every part of himself to not moan right then.

To make matters worse, you were still wearing the black lace panties he had gifted you.

By the time he stepped on stage, he was already painfully hard. What kind of pervert gets turned on in front of an audience just because his girlfriend accidentally flashed him? Well, apparently, Mark Lee did.

But he didn't care about looking like a desperate, sex-starved fool. 

So as soon as the VCR started playing and they had to change outfits, he made a beeline for you backstage. Ignoring the protests of staff and confused band members telling him he only had 10 minutes to get ready he grabbed your arm and pulled you through the crowd.

“That’s more than enough time,” he muttered under his breath. Despite your persistent attempts to ask where he was taking you, Mark didn’t stop until you were hidden away in a dark, secluded corner behind the stage.

"Mark, what's going on? Are you okay?" You inspected him with concern in your eyes, checking for any injuries.

"Ah...fuck... I have a really big problem," he groaned.

"What's wrong?" But you quickly understood the issue when he pulled up his shirt, revealing the growing bulge in his pants.

You tried not to laugh, but the way he looked like a child in need of help was too endearing. "Aw, did I do this to you?"

"It's not funny," he protested, suddenly invading your personal space. "I need you to fix it." His forehead pressed against yours, his hands roaming over your sides and gripping your hips to press you firmly against his body, your lower abdomen coming in contact with his hard on.

"Of course, baby" you replied, ready to kneel down, but he stopped you by grabbing your arm. You looked at him confused, and the stage lights cast an angle that highlighted his pleading eyes. They were glossy with desire.

"I need to be inside you," he murmured, his voice strained and raspy.

The idea of having backstage sex at his concert with just about seven minutes left before he had to return to the stage felt crazy. But there was something about it that turned you on beyond explanation.

So, you cupped his face and kissed him hard enough that your teeth clashed with his lips, but not even the slight taste of blood stopped you from devouring each other’s mouth. Mark quickly matched your intensity, his tongue wasting no time exploring every corner of your mouth. Every time he nibbled on your lips, it elicited little gasps from you. His hands moved from your hips to your ass, pressing you firmly against his bulge, a clear reminder that he was about to explode down there.

You started to undo his pants, the friction of his erection against the fabric made him suck in air through his teeth. He broke away from your lips, allowing you to pull down his pants. His boxers were already stained with pre-cum, and when you lowered them, his dick looked at you flushed and angry. You bit your lip, his size always made you clench your thighs in anticipation.

Before you could even touch him, he turned you around and that’s when you realized you were pressed against one of the glass boxes from their performance.

"Mark..." you moaned his name when you felt the tip of his dick at your entrance. There was no time for much preparation so when he slowly pushed his hips forward, a string of curses left his lips at the tightness.

"Fuuuck..." he groaned when your walls clenched around him relentlessly. Tears welled up in your eyes, and you leaned against the box for support

“God, you feel so good” His hands gripped your hips, and you felt his lips kissing your shoulder before he whispered that he was going to start moving. You nodded weakly.

His pace started out slow, but there was an undeniable urgency in each motion. His hand moved from your hips to your neck, gripping you softly and pulling you closer with every deep thrust. His lips found that sensitive spot just below your ear, and with every kiss and nibble, you couldn't help but clench around him, making his hand close tighter against your throat. This pattern continued for a while, bringing you closer to the edge.

"Please..." you whimpered, and he grunted softly against your neck.

"What do you need, baby?" he asked.

"More, please, I need more," you moaned, feeling his grin against your neck.

He wasted no time. His thrusts quickened, and you couldn't help but release soft gasps and moans with each movement. You leaned forward against the box, your breath fogging up the glass, feeling it tremble beneath you as he continued fucking into you harder. Mark was losing himself, or perhaps he already had; he was rutting against you as if he was an animal in heat.

"M-mark... I'm close," you mewled, not sure if he even heard you amidst the loud cheers.

"Mhm, me too," he moaned, his voice strained. 

It only took a few more thrusts and you were spent, moaning and mumbling incoherently as he helped you ride your orgasm.

 "Fuck, it's gonna be messy if I cum inside you," he realized, slowing his movements.

He was right… he wasn't wearing a condom so as soon as he pulled out, it would definitely drip down your legs. And there wasn’t anything nearby to clean you up with.

"Pull out," you said, and you could see his confusion from the corner of your eye. Nonetheless, he did as told. His hand was already on his dick, ready to take care of himself, but when you knelt down, it was as if his body glitched momentarily.

Your hands replaced his, applying just the right amount of pressure in your strokes to evoke that familiar sensation building in his gut. You looked at him through your eyelashes, your makeup slightly smudged from tears and sweat. The sight was incredibly hot, and just when he was about to cum, you opened your mouth, catching all of his release. Some of it trickled down your throat. The whole scene, along with the sounds you made while swallowing, had Mark almost in tears from the sheer intensity of the moment.

After swallowing every drop, you stood up, adjusting your panties and casually licking a remnant from the corner of your lips, all while maintaining eye contact with Mark. He watched you in stunned silence, still catching his breath. You chuckled when he remained frozen for a good 10 seconds, pulling him close gently and zipping up his pants. In that moment, you heard his voice.

“Please come on tour with me,” he begged, his eyes wide with hope. You just smiled and kissed him.

“Where’s Mark?! You guys are up in 2 minutes!” The staff's frantic shouts pulled you both back to reality. You exchanged a glance and burst into giggles like a pair of teenagers.

i think i might be shadowbanned guys so interact with this post if u enjoyed it pls <3

[bengiyo]

Thoughts on Office Relationships, Breakups, Outings, and More in August ‘24 Shows

I couldn’t bring myself to finish Cosmetic Playlover today, so instead I decided to write about three shows doing interesting things with relationships right now. I don’t really have the time or interest in Stray Thoughts anymore, so I hope y’all enjoy this. For the past two weeks I’ve been thinking about the breakups and new relationships in The Trainee and Mr. Mitsuya’s Planned Feeding, and now I’m also thinking about Takara being upfront with Taishin about the state of their relationship on Takara’s Treasure. I want to get some of these thoughts down for posterity. 

The Ba-Mhee and Tae Breakup on The Trainee

I genuinely love that this show followed through on these two splitting up. I also like that Ba-Mhee asked to take the time to figure out what she’s feeling for Judy before doing something else. Ba-Mhee seems to define herself a lot by the relationship she’s in, and it was sad to see her struggling with the way Tae didn’t always respond to her attempts at expressing care and affection–methods which he never asked for. I think the two of them definitely needed to separate, because it’s not going to work if she’s feeling insecure because Tae is working hard in his preferred field.

That being said, I don’t like the thing with Judy because we know so little about Judy. All I really know about Judy right now is that she’s a workaholic with few personal relationships outside of the office, she’s queer, and she is good at handling clients. When she went to see Ba-Mhee after kissing her drunk intern the night before her anniversary at a work event, I wasn’t keen on the way it felt like Judy managed Ba-Mhee in that scene. Judy feels a bit inaccessible as a character right now, and I hope that’s a choice the show is making about how Ba-Mhee’s relationship with Judy is also rather one-sided, and entirely about her. I hope part of Ba-Mhee’s queer journey is recognizing how she seems to define herself by her relationships, and finds an identity independent of romance.

As for Judy… I hope there’s more to her here than just being pretty and good at her job. We’ve been let down twice this year by GL office romance, and I’d like for that to not be a constant trend. I’d like to see them give her nuance in her pursuit of a relationship with one of her reports.

Lastly, I really loved that Tae is trying to figure out how to be single again, and Pah got mad on his behalf. It’s a good compromise in a genre that seems to really not want characters to be  mad at each other for too long, especially when one of them has really hurt another. Tae got to be sad, and someone got to be righteous on his behalf. We even had good storytelling come out of these two using their jobs to punish each other, with it being very clear that these were bad choices. 

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko Betrayed Its Characters

While I’m here, let me just say that the back half of this show was utterly offensive, and actively betrayed its own characters. I cannot believe that Hiroko’s own community was so quick to betray her trust and out her repeatedly. I cannot believe this show abandoned Hiroko’s straight girl problems from the beginning for a message that “It’s not that bad now, so just come out. I cannot believe this show had a Boob Monster lesbian withhold sex from her horny girlfriend for a year so she could “cherish her.” I am baffled by all of the choices that went into this, and I will not be recommending it. It gets a 4 from me. 

Jane’s Ex on The Trainee

I thought it was really interesting to introduce an ex at this point while Ba-Mhee and Ryan are both considering potential relationships with their mentors. There are consequences in a professional field when you date within your field for some folks, and it’s clear that happened with Jane. Nine, the ex, was here to once again benefit from Jane’s talents, and Jane did not seem like he expected to receive any real credit or benefit from that work. I’m curious if the show intends for any resolution for Jane with Nine, or if he’s here as a romantic tool for Ryan.

Speaking of Ryan, he is clearly in his early 20s, because his jealousy spiral exhausted me. Jane was obviously not into that man, and assured Ryan that he would be back later by making sure he and Ryan had plans for later. I hope we get back to Ryan actually being a good supporter when he’s focused and motivated, especially now that we know that Jo was meant to illuminate things about Pah.

Mitsuya’s Breakup with Noguchi on Mr. Mitsuya’s Planned Feeding

One of my favorite things about this age-gap story is that Mitsuya has been out for a long time, and he has a romantic and sexual history. I loved that he’s had an on again-off again relationship that he needed to bring to a close as part of his own story, and I loved how it wasn’t the ugliest of breakups. These two men know each other intimately, and this final break for them turned into a small celebration of what they had between them. Important things got aired, they snipped a little at each other, and they got to enjoy one last meal together in a way that added a gentle finality to the situation.

On Ishida’s end, I absolutely loved that he’s continued to be upright with Mitsuya about his feelings, called their date what it was, and stepped down from his professional role with Mitsuya. On top of that, I actually love that it was Noguchi that gave him the final inspiration he needed to go back to sports and face his own angst there. It’s actually so special for me that a 27 year-old man who felt like he had to give up on his dreams is finding a way to do something with the specific feelings he has about that. 

I’m also never getting over Ishida telling Mitsuya that he wants to be seen as a man and not a cute kid.This, right after introducing Mitsuya to a food he’d never experienced before! We can thank @isaksbestpillow for making this possible, and this feels especially poignant for me right after we said goodbye to Okita Kakeru, who explicitly wanted to be seen as cute. I am really excited about the queer themes that keep coming out of this show, and I’m sure I’ll have more to say.

Takara and Taishin Avoiding Breakup Nonsense on Takara’s Treasure

So often in these shows with small age gaps in school, they never seem to know how to cope with graduation. I finished rewatching You’re My Sky last night, and that show solved it with travel for one couple, and external collaboration for the mains. I loved this show having the older partner ask the junior directly about the challenges of life after graduation for them as a couple. 

This worked so well, because the show has shown us for weeks that Taishin is always paying attention to Takara, and @lurkingshan detailed how many ways Taishin showed that he understood Takara this week, and I appreciated @clownshoessqueaking covering how Takara has managed his restraint across this show. It’s just so rare that we see two characters have the important conversation that needs to be had, and give each other the exact assurances they need. Taishin got to hear directly from Takara about how things were going for them, and was able to say that he wanted the relationship and initiate physical intimacy between them. 

For all that this show has felt really quiet for two months, it’s becoming one of the shows I will likely remember from this year. 

That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Irrevocably Broken (Part 3)

Regulus Black AU 

Request:  Hello!! Can you possibly do a story where regulus cheats, and then years later he finds out he has a son? Also I love your stories, you’re my favorite writer on here. <3

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- smut

Link to Part 2

______

Waking up the next morning, you frowned when your eyes opened. The room that you woke up in was completely unfamiliar. You had never been here before. The moment you felt someone move, your eyes widened. Rolling over carefully, your mouth dropped the moment that you saw a very naked Regulus lying beside you.

I’m very naked too...what happened?

You thought before remembering what happened the last night at the bar.

Oh...that wasn’t a dream

You thought as you turned back to Regulus. All of these years later, he still slept the same. You wanted nothing more than to take his forearm off his eyes and look at his face. All of these years later, Regulus was still as handsome as he was at 18. The light strands of grey in his hair were the only thing that showed any signs of aging. Whatever he was doing, clearly worked.

There is no point in trying to deny that I have feelings.

You thought before closing your eyes. How you were going to explain this to Julian was still a mystery on its own. Maybe you wouldn’t have to tell your son right away? Maybe when you did, Julian would take it okay.

No, he won't. Julian is going to have a hard time with this. Like his father, he doesn’t handle change well.

You decided to cross that bridge once you got to it. Shoving the thought of your teenage son from your mind, you decided to get up and slip out as quickly as possible. Maybe Regulus wouldn’t hear and you could somehow put all of this behind you. Even if you only had the memories of the night to keep you company, it was at least better than nothing.

Right as you put your feet on the floor, Regulus’s voice stopped you.

“Are you leaving?”

Turning, you gave him a nervous look.

“What did we do, Regulus?”

Regulus smirked.

“We proved to each other that we still have zero tolerance when it comes to alcohol. Is it so bad? Waking up with each other, like we used to.”

“If we were still married there would be no problem. So what are we going to do? Pretend that this didn’t happen and go along our merry way?”

Regulus frowned, as he moved to sit up. As the sheet fell, your eyes widened seeing a large scar across Regulus’ chest.

“Regulus, what is that?”

Regulus didn’t even have to look down to know what you were referring to. His grey eyes locked on your face as he took a breath.

“I think you know exactly what this is.”

You sat back down on the bed unable to look away from the angry red scar.

“That is a werewolf scar…Regulus…when?”

Regulus leaned back against the pillow. His eyes locked on the ceiling as he remembered the second worst day of his life. That day fell right behind the day he came home and you were gone.

“About ten years ago. Greyback had it in for me and long story short…he won.”

Fenrir Greyback

That was one of the names that you hated more than any other. You had a slight against the monster of a man since you learned how he hurt Remus. Now hearing (and seeing) what he did to Regulus, your hatred is magnified tenfold.

“I had no idea.”

You managed to get out. Regulus sighed. He hated knowing that you were going to be the one to see his weakness. Regulus would much rather have just been able to tell you. In time he would have. That wouldn’t be the first thing that would come out of his mouth.

“It isn’t something that I broadcast. I would be ruined as an attorney if that were to get out. I’ve kept it hidden…until now. Convenient that you are the one to find out too. If you really wanted to screw me over, you have the ammunition to do it. “

Frowning, you decided to lie back down. With all of the information that you had just received, lying seemed to be the best idea. You turned your head to stare at Regulus with hurt eyes. Regardless of what happened between the two of you, your heart was broken. If you needed any more of a sign that you still cared for Regulus this was the one.

“Regulus, I am not going to screw you over. I’m so sorry that you have had to live with this.”

Regulus sighed miserably. All of the work that he had been putting into hopefully winning you over was now down the drain.

“Shit storms happen. I suppose that I won’t be seeing you again.”

“Why?”

You questioned. Regulus got out of bed and pulled his abandoned pants on.

“Because why would you want to be with someone like me? If the truth ever gets out, your reputation will be ruined. Not to mention our son’s reputation. He has potential and he doesn’t need to be ruined by having a werewolf for a father.”

You lay quietly for a moment before moving to get up. Regulus had moved to look out the window and into the street below. Staring at Regulus, you couldn’t help but be curious if this was the second chance that you had secretly longed for.

“I could care less about reputations. I can also tell you that Julian doesn‘t give a good goddamn about what people think of him. Please don’t use this as a reason to stop coming around.”

Regulus turned with a frown.

“What do you need me for? You have made it without me. Neither Julian nor yourself clearly goes without. You have made it clear that there isn’t anything between us. You have been keeping up this tough act that I can’t get through anymore.”

“It's because I’m afraid.”

You replied. Regulus stared at you for a moment before coming back to you. He gently took your hands in his.

“Nothing scares you.”

You pressed your lips together before getting the courage to look back into Regulus’ eyes.

“A lot of things scare me. I was scared when you had the affair. I was terrified when I left you. When I saw you again, I was absolutely petrified that I would fall in love with you again. I’m not scared of that. I’m scared that I will love you again and you will change your mind.”

Regulus gently moved to cup your face.

“I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not the stupid kid that I used to be. Y/n, I’m not asking you to jump into anything quickly. I know we have both changed…obviously I have changed. I’m sorry for what I have put you through. You didn’t deserve to raise Julian alone. Knowing that you went through the pregnancy and everything alone…I won’t forgive myself for that for a very long time.”

Hearing those words leave his mouth made you feel better. These were the words that you longed to hear. Everything felt very sincere. You, of all people, knew when Regulus was lying. You could spot Regulus in a lie from a mile away. This, today, was honesty.

“Yes, we have changed. We have both gone through things alone that we should have gone through together. We can change that. “

Regulus moved to wrap his arms around you. Placing his forehead against yours, he took a breath. This felt like the first time that he had been able to breathe in 14 years.

“What are we going to tell Julian?”

Regulus asked. Julian was still a tough subject for him. While he was thrilled to have a son, Julian wasn’t making things easy at all for Regulus. Julian was a tough egg to crack. Regulus couldn’t blame him for this behavior either. Julian was simply protecting both himself and his mother. That was an admirable trait…even if it was making things hard for Regulus.

“We have until Christmas before we have to cross that bridge. Let's see how things go then simply talk to him. If he sees that I am happy, he may be more receptive.”

Regulus only nodded. He hoped that you were right.

(8 weeks later)

“Go ahead, Sirius. Just tell me and get it over with.”

You said, putting your head in your hands. It had been a little over 8 weeks since the night of drunken sex with Regulus and your period was late. After a second week of no period, you had broken down and bought a test (and told Sirius).

Sirius gave you a wary expression. When you told him about getting sloppy drunk and sleeping with Regulus, he was immediately concerned. Over the past few weeks, his worry vanished as Regulus began to show true signs of change. He wasn’t the spoiled self absorbed boy that Sirius remembered. Now he was going out of his way to come to you every evening…and acted like a husband.

“Before I read it, just know that, like last time, you have my full support. You don't have to go through anything alone. I also think this time you will have Regulus on your side too.”

You took a breath and leaned back into your chair. How were you going to spring this on Regulus? The two of you had agreed to take things slow. Slow seemed to be the best way to not only mend your broken relationship but to also get to know one another again. Throwing an unexpected pregnancy into the mix seemed like a way to sabotage everything.

“Sirius, please read the results.”

Sirius looked down at the test and took a breath.

“Positive.”

Sirius watched as the color drained from your face. He quickly stood up to sit next to you.

“Y/n, look at me. Everything will be okay.”

You stood up to briefly pace the room before focusing on Sirius.

“I have an ex-husband who is acting like my boyfriend again. Our relationship isn’t perfect. Not to mention a teenage son who is really hard to love sometimes...what am I going to do with a baby?”

Sirius stood up. He walked over and placed his hands on either side of your face. You seemed to calm when you stopped spiraling and met his eyes.

“Look at me. Y/n, we never know what life is going to throw at us. You can’t always plan and you can’t always prepare. This is one of those things that is just one of life’s little oopsies. You have something this time that you didn’t have last time. This time you have Regulus. Something tells me that under the snark and sass, he has grown up. Julian will be okay and so will this baby. You are a wonderful mother.”

You nodded, taking in Sirius’ words. He was right. You did have Regulus this time. This time Regulus was completely into you. You could only hope that this time, Regulus would live up to the pretty words that he had been saying. Hopefully, this time it wasn’t manipulation.

“Thanks, Sirius. I should go to talk to Regulus. The sooner he knows, the better.”

An hour later, you stood outside of Regulus’ office in the Ministry. Taking a breath, you knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Regulus’ voice called from the other side of the door. Taking a breath, you stepped inside. Regulus looked up from the large book in front of him. He immediately smiled. Standing up, Regulus pushed the book and paperwork to the side.

“Hello darling, this is a surprise.”

He moved to give you a soft kiss.

“Yeah, Regulus, I need to talk to you…I….I don’t know how to….”

Regulus frowned. Tilting his head to the side, he couldn't help but worry that you came down to end things. If you had, Regulus was going to swear off love forever.

“Y/n, what is it?”

Regulus asked calmly. He was used to dealing with nervous people. When it came to questioning nervous people in court, Regulus had become a pro.

You, meanwhile, had tried to get the words out but failed. Stammering seemed to be the only thing that you were able to do. Taking a deep breath, you knew it was time to get it out.

“Regulus, I’m pregnant.”

You watched as Regulus’ nervous expression faded. He only stared at you with a surprised expression.

“You're pregnant?”

You nodded.

“Yes, I took a test today because I hadn’t had my period. It had to happen that night when we were drunk. How are you staying so calm?”

Regulus frowned. While he was calm on the outside, on the inside he was panicking. You were pregnant...again. You were having his baby and nothing was planned. Whether it was planned or not, Regulus would still panic. He was a werewolf and you were having a baby. Now the fear of his condition magnified.

Disappearing into his mind, Regulus had to talk himself down before he could comfort you.

I can’t let her see me panic. She is clearly scared enough without my crazy. This could be the start to the life she and I deserve…This could be the key to keeping her in my life…I only have to handle this right.

__

@millies0bsimp @geeksareunique @jessyballet @knreidy1 @fific7 @siriuslyceleste @mimisparkle12 @teletubiswszpilkach @spideyxalmighty @lucasfilms77 @dumbbunnys-safes @readtomeregulus @i-love-scott-mccall @taylor-will-be-the-death-of-me @s-we-e-t-t-ea @iluvthe-marauders @woohoney @abaker74 @regulus-black-223048 @saramaple @missgorldafirst @dumybitch @stelleduarte @gugggu6gvai @jag9000 @bennyberry @f4iryluvy @panpride @haroldpotterson @mentally-unstable-hoe @goldensunshineshit @padf00ts-l0ver @marichromatic @ravenhood2792 @playmore-zeppelin @authoressskr @emiwrites3reads @knight-of-gleefulness @summer-novak @rogue-nyx88 @shaylybaby2032 @coffeeaddictednymph @livshifts @ell0ra-br3kk3r @ad-astra-again @regulusblackswhorecrux

[lxverrings]

Lost Little Lamb.

A Miguel O’hara fic. (Unresolved Angst,17+)

Disclaimer: The “religion” depicted here that reader is from originally, is not real, and is simply a mirage of the nasty underbelly of Catholicism/Christianity. You’re here to be horny, not religious anyway.

A/N: Lol I’ve had this in drafts for SOOOO long. I fixed it a wee bit, and you guys let me know if um. You want part 2... I’m a bit rusty, sorrz

Summary: Reader is currently worshipping some obscure figure after Catholicism has failed in the glory of its broken system. Pleasing this “God” via “Sacrifices” which if I describe; are not words listed in the Bible, all is consensual, nothing is done without consent prior.

Warnings: Nothing done to reader, but dark themes such as blind worship, and religious trauma. Reader is completely devoted to Miguel, Fem!Reader. Eventual smut (?), alternating POVs, done in 3rd POV. No use of “y/n”.

This might be more self indulgent than I want it to be, tbh.

How did you get here? ... Did you lose your way, little lamb?... Once so holy... Yet here you are. ...This book has led down a path of nothing but evil, now has it? ... Have you come to repent?... Have you come to change?

The answer, is no. Not really.

...

Many proclaimed you a witch in the vicinity of town, why? Because you decided to believe in something else. Those questions you received were nothing but taunts the priests held to you visage every time you stepped remotely close to the church.

...But why did you venture near it? You didn’t know. But He did. He who saved you.

He saved you. You should be greatful.

“Greatful I am for him.” you muttered into the book you found on the night of your misfortune.

...

All it took was confiding in one priest. That man broke your trust. He indefinitely broke it. The putrid smell of his musk as he threatened to tell the townsfolk what you did as you broke away, shots of lightning powering through voltages and rumbling through town.

On that night, you clearly remembered wondering, ‘Was that Thor’s lightning bolt? Or was it Zeus’...?’

Well... No matter. Your boots were shoved into the mush of the earth as water hit your cheeks, was it the rain or your tears? Only salt could tell you that. Slipping to find some sort of freedom as the winds howled your name, screeching through your veins as you were hurled into a cave... The blaring winds howling at your misfortune, the belittling forest trampling you further down that misbegotten path.

It was a strange cave, that one. Strange Aztec symbols, lost doom, foreign glory, and a taste of freedom so close... Yet so far.

...

And there it was.

All it took was a little venturing further down the unwelcoming atmosphere.

The answer.

You had no idea yet, but when you opened the book, the cave seemed to lit up, and a strange voice croaked to life, as if awakened.

“Me despertaste. Who are you? And where do you come from? May I ask?” Frantically, you almost threw the book away– who fucking wouldn’t? At the sound of such a sudden voice, it is only natural, the want to run away.

“What are you afraid of? ¿Porqué corres?... You smell of fear.”

“... I- I’m sorry, the priest- he threatened me and I-” it would be too awkward to say it was this... Thing. That had frightened you anyway.

“Shhh, ovejita. No llores. No tengas miedo de mí.” seems it knew.

“What... Do you mean?”

“I have the answer to your problem. I can fix it for you. If you do one thing... Para mí.”

Desperate for a way out, you agreed to take the book this voice asked you to take. You were free to leave it, but... You felt strangely attached to it? How weird. How... Unsettling. Attachment... To a book.

...

But you soon followed with the bidding of this being you now knew went by... ‘Miguel’. A common, human name, really. But maybe that was the point. Maybe that was his trick. And maybe that’s what he wanted... So for now, you would refrain from using it.

(POV change)

A simple task, really. Everyday, ask people if they were interested in seeing if they were worthy for a divine presence beyond mortal understanding. Some agreed, some disagreed.

Those who did agree, were soon addicted to the euphoric feeling this ritual gave them. Miguel knew. He knew all too well.

What a perfect little bride you are, as oblivious as ever, unknowing these rituals aren’t for him;

They’re for you.

And he knows that, but you don’t... He knows that. He knows your smaller, more fragile body would never be able to sustain his demonic form... He’d break you. Literally.

...

So here he is. The candlelight morphing into his shadows.

“Muñequita.” He whispered in a deep rumble– the one he always had for you. Such a pretty, innocent little thing. Oblivious to everything.

Such pretty little eyes in awe of his presence. How he wanted to see you cry on his cock, begging for more– No, no. You’re not ready. Not yet... Not quite. But he hasn’t stopped thinking about you for a minute, less so with those innocent little eyes watching his shadow in awe.

“Ah! Sorry... I didn’t feel your presence, My lord.”

Translations:

“Miguel will suffice.” he hissed. But... it was gentle, his shadow gently caressed you, making shivers run down your back, “I need you to go fetch something for me. A small... Offering. If you will. If you have finished reading my book... You should know I will need more. Voy a necesitar más de tí.”

“And... Will you comply with keeping me safe?”

“Sí, mí dulce.”

1. “You have awakened me.“ (tone: demanding/accusatory)

2. “Why are you running?”

3. “Shhh, little lamb. Don’t cry. Don’t be afraid of me.”

4. “...For me.”

5. “Little lamb...”

Tags:

6. “I will need more of you.”

7. “Yes, my sweet.”

@obi-mom-kenobi

[verdantwyrm]

Hi! Sorry to rant, I don’t know if it’d be appropriate, or if the theme has been discussed already… But you’re, like, the ambassador of Curly enjoyers to me, so I figured this would be my best bet.

The thing is, I’ve been quietly seething lately thinking about how much the perception & treatment of Curly post-crash is defined by his injury. Like, how much it would’ve changed if the man had at least retained his face.

(I mean, he is my fav character for many reasons and in a lot of ways, and yet when replaying the game I have to stop and remind myself every now and then that this is the same person we occasionally play as, with the same set of memories, traits, thinking patterns etc. Not because I forget the fact, but because of how easy it is to subconsciously divide them when he neither behaves nor looks the same anymore. I have a mind exercise of coming to the med bay as I have to pass by, to observe Curly where he lies on his gurney table and try to imagine his pre-accident version looking up at me from there. Something of an attempt to strengthen the associative connection and not be part of the problem.)

Imagine an AU where basically everything is the same but the cockpit didn’t catch fire during the crash, and instead the ship just stopped very abruptly, Curly hit the wall/control panel badly and broke his spine, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. So he is aware but unable to move around or communicate effectively (like in canon), but also he’s completely recognizable. Now, I’m not saying people in the fandom wouldn’t have still treated him like a prop or a pet or a child or some kind of silly f/cked up mascot (bc some people are *****), but I bet my kidney the occurrence would’ve been considerably less common than it is now. And that’s it, that’s the point. The whole dehumanization thing going on is just disheartening.

Anyway, sorry once more if it was all over the place, didn’t mean to be rude... Thanks for listening and for all your committed work as an ambassador and an advocate!

Hi Anon! o(^-^)o Thank you so much! And do not apologise, you have no idea how much I appreciate you and others coming into my inbox and giving me their opinions, feedback and perspective of stuff! Curly is my favourite character as well and I will not tolerate slander! Especially when its just straight up incorrect.

But to answer your question, alot of Curly's post-crash dehumanisation does immensely come from the fact that he's lacking any real facial features. Real life burn victims that have suffered directly to their faces experience this basically every day. Because they lack a """normal""" face thats recognisable, alot of people subconsciously stop recognising these people as Human because they Do Not Look Like One.

Even people that are just double or triple amputees (or in Curly's case, a quadruple amputee) deal with an immense dehumanisation and infantilisation because they "lack the necessary equipment to be an adult human" and perform tasks on their own. There comes a very specific type of infantilisation towards disabled people and thats the utter denial and ignorance that once you "become" disabled you no longer have sexual desires, that you no longer function as an adult and anyone trying to have sex with you or engage with you in that way is a creep because to them you are the equivalent of a 10 year old.

Curly and how he's treated by the fandom and whatnot is significantly impacted by how he looks, and the example you give me of him managing to not burn all of his skin off but would become paralysed from the neck down, I know for a fact that if that was the case, he would be treated significantly worse because he cannot move. Canon Curly isn't paralysed, he's just in an excruciating amount of pain that reduces his movement, but he does still have somewhat control over his limbs. If he somehow ended up paralysed ontop of that, the treatment he receives would be way, way worse. And I can't even begin to describe what that would look like, but I know deep down in my gut that it absolutely would.

If he were to somehow not get burnt but still get paralysed like you said, I think his treatment could be different, but I'm not sure exactly how. He would absolutely still be dehumanised to an extent especially with being paralysed, but its the fact that he has a face that makes a difference. People might be able to remind themselves that he's a grown ass man, but probably not.

You going through the effort to conciously remind yourself that they are infact the same character is actually fantastic, and it shows that you're willing to see disabled people as human beings, real people, even in this case. And you're doing marginally better than alot of people who look at him and completely reduce him to nothing but a dog, creature or an "it" or "thing"

And it's also evident in how Jimmy treats him too, as a liability, that because he's in this state he can just strip away his title like it doesn't mean anything, dehumanise and project his own authority over. Jimmy does this with Anya and Curly, significantly so with her, but in an increasingly horrifying way with Curly.

And thank you so much Anon! Never apologise, I had alot of fun answering this question, and I will continue to work hard as Curlys ambassador and defender! ヾ(*・ω・)ノ

[rajakaen]

Here's a personal post I should have tackled a while ago. It's about SWTOR and the recent Character Art Modernization events. Like so many other players, I'm pretty disappointed with how BroadSword executed this project. Ever since I first saw the modernized faces in November on the PTS (and it didn’t get any better with the second overhaul), something in me just broke. Something that used to drive me to launch the game at least once a week. I choose to give constructive feedback in the forums as many others of you, too but Mods decided to take it down not only once but thrice.

Don't get me wrong - I've been with this game for a long time, met tons of amazing people, got motivated to learn how to draw humans at all and delved way too deep into characterization. This Tumblr account only exists because of the SWTOR community here :D Also, my storytelling and English have improved a lot since then; although I don't really share what I write—I just can't bring myself to do it ^^; I deeply care for this game and love the joy it created not only for me but for us all. But it becomes harder and harder to make me invest in something that (from my POV) is already lost and dying.

So, some SWTOR updates over the years were half-baked, some introduced more problems and left the game worse or even made less interesting over time. Patch 7.0, for instance, was a disaster on PTS with its raised boss difficulty to 344 (we only had access to 326 gear if I remember right) and the restructuring of the overall skill system. 7.0 was already poorly received before going live. And oh boy, it got life. It's clear that if a Publisher or DevTeam want something to happen in their game/project, they push through. We as players have little to no influence here. You're allowed to express your opinion, but whether it's heard is anyone's guess. I won’t even start on the implementation, as this is a different topic.

What I’m getting at is that my excitement around SWTOR has significantly dwindled. Thankfully, after much persuasion from others, I decided to release Tahr'rys from the Inquisitor's storyline and replace Ashara with a similar character named Relah. The stories and possibilities have incredibly increased since tho Mr T stays a rather static construct. To keep him believable, he can’t just frolic joyfully through fields and become cheerful. He is who he is, shaped by his story and how he dealt with events. He influences what happens—just like we all do in our lives. But we don't have any influence over a game studio’s decisions. And as for my SWTOR art, things are going to get a bit quiet here.

I’ve never posted much because drawing humans, especially Tahr'rys, has always been a real challenge for me (yes it is). It's very time-consuming and not very rewarding. To make things worse for him - I've been drawn into the Veilguard vortex by @jukkariart and got deeply invested in her stories; hence the shift in focus on my blog. We're constructing our own narrative around the Veilguard events under a common rook and right now, our companion characters (Alectris and Verinius) offer much more dopamine. T and Co will remain and I’ll occasionally post about them- but it'll be even more infrequent than before :>

Thanks for reading this far and staying with me ❤️

[cherr-22]

TNGDH 39

“Why so? It’s a long distance to the palace, making it a difficult trip for Cashew to follow.”

Kyle looked at me in surprise. Receiving that gaze, I let the words flow out of my mouth like flowing water.

“How hard could it be to take along a little chestnut…… no, a demonic beast? You could take it to the famous demonic beast specialist at the imperial palace for a checkup and feed it delicious food. Besides, I bet you’d be worried about leaving Cashew alone for days.”

“Hmm.”

“However, you absolutely cannot inject mana into it! Only a regular checkup is allowed. Besides, you were going to have Cashew checked by the specialist there at least once, right?”

Kyle pondered for a while before nodding.

After spending some time together, I could now guess what he’s thinking about just by looking at his face.

Right now, he was thinking about what kind of cage to carry Cashew in, what cushion to bring along, and what snacks he should take. Seeing the tips of his lips and his eyes subtly softening, that was probably what he was thinking.

‘You like it this much, yet you didn’t think about taking it along.’

I smiled and nodded in satisfaction.

Thus, both Cashew and Shu could ride the carriage to the palace. However, there was one problem. Going to the palace didn’t take just an hour or two.

‘System. Open the store for me.’

A blue system window flickered in response to my words.

In front of me were delicious and pretty-looking items spread out. I’ve thought about it before, but the more I used my hearts and Miracle Points, the more flashy the store became.

‘You’ve also worked hard.’

Whenever I saw the system staying up all night to update the store, it reminded me of myself when I was making the game. It made me a little sad.

Developers tend to be more familiar with the night than the day, but that kind of life is very stressful. People need light to live. At that time, I almost believed that even mold might start growing on my body.

But as it happened, I ended up possessing a nocturnal animal. It made me think life really didn’t like me.

I away my thoughts and turned the pages of the store. At first, there were only one or two pages but now there were four pages.

Let’s see. I have to refrain from using too many Miracle Points, but since the system made these for me, I’ll at least take a look at them.

‘Oh. This looks delicious. This one too.’

There were all kinds of desserts made with nuts. I lived the majority of my life eating soup and hamburgers, so I couldn’t help but keep looking at the desserts decorated so beautifully.

Don’t they say that food that looks good also tastes good? Of course, the cookies and bread Kyle prepared were great, but don’t you sometimes wish to have desserts that are pretty……

‘Wait. Is that why you made these like this?’

As I narrowed my eyes, the system responded.

[⚆_⚆]

It’s fine, whatever.

It’s not like I’m going to buy them based on their appearance anyways.

Then, an item caught my eye. It must’ve come from the update since there was a big label [NEW!] on it.

NEW! [Emergency Toffee Nut Candy x5 ｜ Miracle Points 0.5% consumption ｜ Detect approaching beings while holding the candy in your mouth.]

It was an amazing item that gave you 5 candies just for 0.5 Miracle Points. Its effect was amazing so buying it ahead of time would be useful.

I bought it without thinking twice. The small, individually wrapped candies looked like they would taste like caramel.

I wanted to try one now but I held in my urge.

“Are you done?”

“Yes?”

“You were pointing your finger in the air.”

“…….”

I kept my mouth shut.

Luckily, Kyle didn’t ask me for an explanation. Perhaps because he’s used to seeing me do a lot of strange things…… though I don’t know if this is fortunate or unfortunate.

“I will prepare your clothes in the same size as before.”

“You’re preparing my clothes too? You don’t have to.”

“Your attire will affect how people see you in the imperial palace. The ones at the North are not good enough.”

Kyle’s voice was soft, but I knew that I had to take it seriously.

I knew It. I knew it more than anyone else. This was something Kyle experienced himself in the past, and this was the attitude of the nobles of the imperial palace towards those from the North.

I’ve also been treated like that before in my previous life. I guess growing older won’t always make you mature.

I scratched the back of my head and nodded. This wasn’t a hard request from Kyle anyways. Thinking about it, this was also something that could affect Kyle’s reputation.

“Then, I’ll leave it to you.”

“Alright.”

Two weeks until Sen and Belial’s engagement ceremony.

There was plenty of time to prepare.

*

“Put this over there, ah, that one goes there.”

“How long has it been since we’ve went to the palace?”

“Definitely been at least a year!”

“Hold the reins well. And inspect the carriage again!”

From early in the morning, the Blake castle was like a marketplace. Even I, who rarely woke up from my sleep to most noises, had my eyes wide open.

I gazed at the sunlight seeping through the curtains. Seeing that it was still a little dark, it must’ve been around six o’clock.

―Squeak squeak. (It’s today.)

I stretched and reached for the strawberry sweater I tucked away in the corner of my hut. I then put on the sweater, regardless of my own feelings about it.

Because my limbs were short, I was only able to put it on after rolling in the sawdust a few times. But thinking about it again, Kyle got my measurements accurately.

―Squeak……. (Sigh. This is my life as a hamster.)

I pat off the sawdust stuck on the sweater and used ‘Summon’ after checking the door.

It seemed that it would be a while before Kyle comes to get me. Well, it wouldn’t take much effort to put me in the hamster cage anyways.

‘Let’s see…….’

I hid myself in a corner and used ‘Summon’.

I closed my eyes from the bright light and when I opened them, I was in a familiar room. On top of the bed were the clothes Kyle prepared for me.

I took off the sweater and stored it in the inventory before changing into the new clothes.

The high-quality silk gently wrapped around my body and flowed down elegantly. There were no extravagant accessories, but it definitely had a luxurious feel. Even the golden embroidery didn’t feel like it was made in vain.

‘The pants also fit me well.’

As I was examining my appearance in front of the mirror, I raised my eyebrows at a sudden thought.

“……How does he know my size?”

It was really mysterious. It wasn’t as if he measured me while I was asleep, nor did he ever asked me.

A knock came from the door.

I turned towards the door to open it. Outside was a familiar servant, unable to hide his excited face.

“His Highness Kyle asked me to bring the demonic beast specialist over to him.”

“Ah. Thank you for coming to get me. However, there is somewhere I want to visit first.”

“Yes?”

I led the curious servant towards into the study. I unfolded a black cloth I had prepared and covered the hamster house with it.

From now on, I must keep this hamster house with me no matter what. At least half a day, I must keep it with me.

“Let’s go.”

The servant, who had been examining my actions, tilted his head in confusion, but hurriedly moved on.

As I followed him, I checked the number of Miracle Points I had. After buying two cookies and some candies yesterday, I had exactly 20 percent left.

After complaining to the system all day long to lower the prices, I was able to save quite a few points.

[(￣へ￣)]

Hey. Do you think I’m saving money for my own benefit?

……Well technically I am.

“You can get on this carriage.”

The servant who took me outside bowed his head and walked away at a slow pace. His steps were so light that it almost seemed as if he were skipping. No, he probably was, seeing how happy he looked. He must also be taking the carriage to the palace.

Well, I did hear that it has been 1 year since they were able to go on a trip to the imperial palace. It was definitely a joyous event. It was said that the climate and atmosphere of the palace were the opposite of the North, making it feel like it was a foreign country. Of course, I heard this from Kyle.

“Shu.”

“Oh my gosh!”

I jumped in place.

Turning my head, I saw Kyle standing with a cape in his arms.

“Make some noise as you move around, please!”

“I didn’t know you could jump so high.”

“Ah! Really! Don’t scare me like that.”

As I grumbled at him, Kyle wrapped the cloak around my shoulders and chuckled.

“I did call for you, but I thought I’d have to circle around the castle a few times to find you. Were you in your room?”

“Of course. And you even prepared my clothes. Ah. I also brought Cashew with me, so there’s no need to go to the study.”

I pointed at the hamster house with my chin and held the cloth tighter. I’ll never open it. Don’t even think about removing the cloth.

“Thank you. Now, I’ll take it with me.”

Kyle held out his hand. I avoided the hand and twirled my body away from him.

“No. I could take care of it plenty well. It’s not like you’re going to play with Cashew on the way, so you can just leave it to me and focus on your work.”

“Then, let me see its face at least once…….”

“Ahem! Do you not see the time? Don’t disturb its sleep! Even demonic beasts have a routine.”

I quickly got into the carriage before Kyle could push on anymore. I sat down and held the cage in my arms as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

Kyle entered the carriage after me and said after sitting across from me.

“I won’t take it from you so loosen up.”

“Really?”

“……Have you lived your entire life being fooled?”

I certainly have. But I couldn’t say that and just relaxed my hands and shoulders.

I’ve been tense the whole time, making my shoulders feel a little stiff. As I groaned and complained about wanting to massage them, Kyle suddenly took out a bag.

“Still, we should feed it…….”

“I will feed it! I will!”

I quickly pressed myself to the window like a magnet. I glared at him with wary eyes, and he bursted into laughter.

“……Are you enjoying yourself?”

Are you enjoying playing around with me?

He had a calm smile on his face. He tilted his head and rested his chin on his hand, which was held up against the carriage wall. 

“Being with you always makes me feel happy.”

Just then, the carriage started moving. A light breeze blew in through the window. I turned my head away with a sullen look on my face.

The tip of my ears felt a warm.

Even though the wind blowing felt cool.

--------------------------------------------------------

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

[hollowhemlocks]

Please Read

Though I shouldn’t have to pour my feelings out on the internet (because I feel I’ve already said my peace on most of this), I feel like I have to say something about this. Though I’m not going to touch on every little vile that was said, I’m going to brush up on some of the main topics that have been like a thorn in my side for more than a year. And before I say anything, I’d like to remind everyone that I am not a celebrity: I’m just a small creator- a guy on the internet even. 

That being said, There’s been so much flying around over the last year, and it’s taken more than a toll on me. It’s insane that people are calling me a nazi and a bigot. I actually FUCKING HATE nazi’s & bigots. You don’t know me. It really REALLY sucks that people are treated differently just because of where they came from/what their skin color is. I’m a big unified humanity enthusiast. We’re all human. I still treat everyone the same as they treat me.

Point #2: I didn’t think I’d have to talk about this again. Columbine was a terrible tragedy- duh. Any normal person knows this as true. But to call me a Columbiner is actually crazy. Nobody deserves that sort of fate. It is such a surreal problem, that people can’t feel safe anywhere- literally anywhere.  Entry #14 of HollowHemlocks was purely coincidental in its similarity to the shooter’s home video. It’s not my fault my family’s home range looked like that. Outfits weren’t coordinated, and I was wearing that trench coat almost every day at that point. Clothes are clothes.

There’s this one post that I’d REALLY like to touch on. Maybe misgendering my partner & telling them to off themself isn’t a cool thing to do? Also, I wasn’t stalking anybody. I check the tag every once in a while. In small communities like this, word spreads. If you interact in this community, it inevitably makes its rounds. Don’t assume that I’m stalking you or literally know anything about you. I don’t. 

I can’t change your mind,  but the fact that people genuinely believe this kind of stuff about me actually hurts me & causes me real world distress. I’m tired of how every time I step up to the plate to defend myself, I receive immense backlash. It’s like no matter what I have to say, it doesn’t matter. I'm gonna continue with my step back from the Slenderverse, however that doesn’t mean I’m going to completely trash the reboot. If anything, I’m going to continue forward with different projects. I’m unable to change everyone’s view- that’s not how this world works. But it’s not okay to post those kinds of things/threaten/harass people/throw around serious accusations.

Thank you for reading, have a nice day/night.

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Shmuel | The Cost Of The Truth | Romantic

Dialogue prompts: “I didn’t know you could love me like that” & “I will never be enough for you, will I?”

When both you and your father Nicodemus take an interest in the Preacher Shmuel so despises, your marriage is bound to collapse.

Requested by Kacey, Mae & Katie 

You don’t like having to sneak around your own home, but you have no choice. Upon returning to your house from visiting your parents, you’ve slipped upstairs to the study without making a noise. 

Once there, you take out whatever you had been hiding underneath your cloak. A small scroll, able to fit inside the palm of a hand, sits between your fingers, unsealed. As you look over your shoulder towards the door, a sigh of relief floods you as you find yourself completely alone. 

You unravel it, thumbing at the inscription on the parchment. Your father’s hand is all too familiar as you swallow hard upon reading what he has written. A report about Jesus of Nazareth. It is detailed, hastily scribbled as if he had been afraid to be found out writing such a thing, and quickly rolled up into a scroll without allowing the ink to dry, causing it to be a little smudged here and there. In spite of its messy appearance, the report can still be read clearly. 

Nicodemus had pushed it into your hands upon your departure with a whispered order. “Don’t show anyone.” Not your mother. Not your husband. Nobody. A member of the Sanhedrin cannot be seen voicing a decree of faith as strong and scandalous as your father’s. 

Your heart swells and beats for every word about this Preacher from Nazareth, Who is so much unlike any other prophet that had brought the Word of God to the people. Words and actions so unlikely that there was no other explanation but for Him to be the Messiah, the One that had been promised - a proclamation that would not sit well with the religious leaders. After all, it meant that everything everyone had ever believed about the coming of the Messiah would turn out to be false. A dangerous mixture of pride, dogma and tradition lingered at the horizon. 

Downstairs, the door opens and closes. “Darling, are you home?” Shmuel’s voice fills the home, and you quickly hide the letter in one of the drawers, straightening yourself out before heading for the door of the study. 

“I’m here.” you greet him, meeting him in the hallway. He removes his headdress and grabs your hand to kiss your knuckles. “How was work?”

Shmuel sighs. “It was difficult today, but Yanni and I are making progress. We’re going to get some members of the Sanhedrin on our side so that we can finally tackle the issue from its root.”

“Issue?” you feign ignorance.

“Jesus of Nazareth.” Shmuel says the name with such disdain that it causes your throat to run dry. 

Your husband mistakes the draining of colour from your face for fear of the Preacher in question. 

“Don’t you worry, my dearest. He will not be a problem to our people for much longer. Everything will go back to normal before we know it.” 

He squeezes your hand, then frowns a little as if realising something. 

“Have you prepared dinner yet? I can’t make out any distinct smells of food.” 

You quickly force a smile on your face.

“I was about to start. I’ve visited my parents, remember?” 

“Oh, yeah. How are they doing? How’s your father?” 

You let out a sigh. “He’s recovering slowly but surely.”

Shmuel gives you a smile as he ushers you towards the kitchen.

“That’s good to hear. Now, let me tell you that I’m starving.”

“Okay, I’ve received the message.” you sigh, part of you relieved that he doesn’t  inquire further about what you had discussed with your father. As he heads to the bedroom to change into something more casual, you start working on dinner. 

— 

A while passes and Shmuel is talking about Jesus more often than not. The letter from your father still burns inside the drawer of your desk, calling out to you, waiting to be shared. However, Nicodemus had meant these words for your eyes alone. It feels heavy on your heart. You love Shmuel, you truly do, even though your marriage had been an arranged one. The fact that you cannot share your newfound faith with your own husband is like a burden in and of itself.

A flurry of memories has been dancing around inside your mind lately, consisting of your first years of marriage to the rabbi whom was just a student at the time of the wedding. A pious, diligent and ambitious young man with a soft smile that made you weak at the knees. When Nicodemus and Zohara made the right arrangements with his parents in Jerusalem, you were overjoyed to hear the news. After all, you had plenty of friends who married men they ultimately didn’t grow to love even after years of being together. You already knew that you loved Shmuel before the entire topic of marriage even came up in the first place. 

And it turned out to be a good match. The pair of you grew to love one another deeper as time went on and you really felt like you and him were equally yoked. Everything about what you felt for him was visible even in the little things you did for him. Not only were you a homemaker who never complained about his late hours at work, but you did small things, too, like baking him a cake for his birthday or stitching up holes in his clothes before he had even noticed them himself. “I didn’t know you could love me like that,” was something Shmuel tended so say every so often, for it was a mystery to him how you could show him such genuine appreciation. “A love like this is something I didn’t know even existed.” 

Until a love greater than that suddenly seemed to exist, too. A kind of love that was different from the romantic type of bond two people could form with one another. A spiritual, divine love. A love between God and mankind, rooted in undeserved mercy and grace. 

A love that according to you can go hand in hand with your marriage to Shmuel, but a love that according to him cannot coexist. 

It tears at your household and rips it apart at the seams. No longer equally yoked. You are fully aware what choice you might have to make, even if it meant ripping your own heart to shreds. Your marriage has been crumbling. Shmuel knows — suspects something — but he doesn’t outwardly say it just yet.

You adore him. You’d do anything for him. He’s still the man you want to grow old with, to father your children, to have it all with. 

But for that to happen, something has to change. Sooner or later, it has to change in order to��

“—What is this?!” Shmuel barges into your shared bedroom one morning still in a state of undress. If he didn’t have such a furious look on his face you’d have snorted at the way his beard is trimmed only halfway. 

“What is what?” you look up from brushing your hair, turning to him to face him better. He hands you a letter all too familiar and your heart sinks into your gut like a heavy stone to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee. “It’s a letter.” 

“I can see that.” Shmuel hisses. “But to whom, and from whom? And the contents? Not to mention the location where I found it! It seems like you deliberately hid it from me.”

For a moment, you consider telling him off for fingering through your personal belongings, but you know you’ll only end up arguing even more than this will cause you to. You swallow hard, but don’t feel any shame. “My father wrote to me.” 

“About Jesus of Nazareth. And you happened to forget to tell me?! Especially that he believes the words of this heretic? Because that is what I’m getting from this message!” He throws the parchment into your lap and glares down at you. 

No guilt tugs at your heart — only pity, and the wish that things were different — and you let out a long sigh. 

“Shmuel, listen. My father and I have been talking about Jesus for a long time, because there is a lot to be said about Him, both His words and actions, and my father has been—” 

“—Believing in that heretic! That’s blasphemy and he should be brought before the Sanhedrin! Your father could get stoned for this!” 

“He knows the rules— Just listen to me, Shmuel! You have always greatly respected my father and his words, why not now?”

“Why not now— Are you even hearing yourself, (Y/n)?! Jesus is a heretic! A blasphemer!” 

“And what if He is not? What if that everything you knew about the Messiah turns out to not be true?!”  

Your husband grits his teeth as he narrows his eyes at you. 

“And what if He is? He claims to be the Son of God! You… You don’t believe in Him, do you?” He shakes his head, pointing a finger at you. “Tell me you don’t, (Y/n). I love you, but I can’t be with a woman who…” 

His voice trails off, but he has said enough for it to sting you to the very bone. You swallow away the lump in your throat. Your silence, Shmuel realises, speaks volumes. “You… Have strayed from the path of faith.” Something shifts in his gaze. Something you’ve never seen on him before. You don’t like it one bit.

“No. Quite the contrary - it’s been gaining its true meaning. Now that the Messiah is here—”

“Do not call Him that!” 

You stand up firmly, meeting Shmuel’s gaze, almost standing chest-to-chest with him as you look up unwavering. 

“You do not get to dictate who I do and do not believe in!” 

“You’re my wife, (Y/n). You should listen to your husband!”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“No, you have no idea what you’re talking about!” 

The two of you lock eyes. Your heart clenches inside your chest painfully, for you don’t want to argue with him, nor do you want division in your household. 

“Where is the Shmuel I know?” you whimper, “The kind man who was eager to learn from my father? The one my father spoke so highly of, because you were always so keen to put the Word of God into practise more than your peers? What happened to you?” 

“I could say the same thing about you.” Shmuel hisses, “Where is the respectable woman I married? The one who was always so happy to see me after a long day at work, who always listened to me talk about anything, the woman who always prepared me dinner and was there for me when I needed her?”

“She’s still here.” you counter, “But the way you have been acting ever since Jesus showed up is not the man I know and love.” 

“Things change, (Y/n).” Shmuel sounds sharp and almost accusatory.

“I know.” Your voice wavers, tears brimming on your eyes. “I know.” 

When Shmuel gives you an expectant look, you don’t reply to it. “So… Are you going to do something about it?” He frustratedly asks.

“About what?” 

“Going back to being the woman I used to love.” 

Used to love. 

Whereas you had not let it cross your lips, for you still loved him deeply, Shmuel was suddenly more firm on where he stood. 

“Used to?” your voice breaks. “So you don’t…” you trail off, not daring to say it out loud.

“I can’t. I can’t love a follower of that heretic. A follower of the Man claiming such ridiculous things…” 

Shmuel’s own dark eyes are swimming with tears as well. He refuses to spill them in front of you, not wanting to show weakness or vulnerability, not even when your entire marriage may very well depend on this moment. 

“This is heresy. You are a weak-minded fool falling for the words or a lunatic. Choosing His words over your own husband’s. I can’t love a woman like you.” 

That does it. The tears fall and roll down your face as you choke back a sob.

“Take it back. You don’t mean that, take it back.” 

For a moment, you see a flash of guilt cross his face. It hardens just as fast.

“No. I will not fail this test Adonai is putting me through right now.” 

“Test?!” you gasp, offended, “Shmuel, don’t be ridiculous! How could you ever even consider that this would be God’s way of testing your faith—” 

“—Because you’re just like them!” 

With widened eyes, you stare at him for a long moment. “Like them, huh? I… I will never be enough for you, will I? You won’t even hear me out as much as you’ve heard out Jesus. You have made up your mind already.” 

Shmuel steps closer to you, glaring down at you. 

“I want you out of my house.” 

“Very well.” you whisper, knowing it’s better to sleep about it for a night or so, taking a little distance to process the situation. 

Your heart is heavy as it teeters on the precipice of shattering inside your chest. Your husband’s eyes drill into you as he watches you start packing a few essentials.

“Your family deserves all the shame coming your way.” Shmuel spits like his words are poison, “Both you and Nicodemus are a sham. I hope it was worth it, losing everything we had for this…. This heretic Preacher.” 

You close the flap of your bag and pull it over your shoulder. “I’ll be headed towards the inn.” you say, “Will you come and get me when you’re ready to talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’ll be sending you away.” 

Shmuel is looking at you with so much hatred in his gaze that you suddenly doubt if you’ve ever been married to him in the first place, or if he’d ever truly loved you at all. 

“Okay.” you whisper. It would make following Jesus around the cities somewhat easier, you suddenly think, but it’s accompanied by a bitter hurt that clenches inside your chest and sends a wave of nausea through you. “I’ll see you around, then. I… I love you.” 

“Don’t you ever say these words to me again, woman.” Shmuel hisses. “You’re just like the rest of them, you Jezebel, you—” 

You close the door behind you, trying to fight your emotions as you refuse to hear him yell these lies told right into your face any longer. Shmuel does not yank it open again, instead stares at the wood for a long while, unable to stop his own tears.

With a heavy heart, you head for your father’s house, your blood rushing inside your ears as you head through the streets, feeling torn to shreds. 

For a moment, you halt to rest and look up at the sky, drinking in the sight of the moon. Your tears glitter in its light. Looking over your shoulder, you hope Shmuel will come running, to follow you, to keep you from leaving him and begging for you to tell him more about Jesus, and that he believes that He is the Messiah…

…But he doesn’t come.

The alleyway remains empty. 

“You know the truth, even though it offends you.” you whisper into the darkness, “Now it’s up to you what you do with it.” 

A silent plea to the man you love so deeply. 

Shmuel cries silently in the hallway and gazes out of the window, hoping you’d round the corner, praying you’d return straight for the door, to tell him that you’ve made a grave error in your judgement and that you want to be with him over anything else. That your beliefs had been muddled by pretty lies and that you’d do anything to get back on the path of good faith.

The road leading up to your home also remains void of you. 

Shmuel looks up and looks upon the same moon.

Three hearts break that night.

[mephinomaly]

[TL] PYSCHOBREAK/Chapter 8

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Rei: Well, whatever. If there’s nothin’ we can do, should we leave the “vampires” alone then?

Koga: No. Hasumi-senpai has prohibited anyone from enterin’ this livehouse if they haven’t applied to the student council and received approval for their unit.

Don’t really get it but, if you break the rules you’re gonna get punished, so.

But the “vampires” are just gonna ignore that ‘n keep on causin’ havoc.

Hasumi-senpai was sayin’ somethin’ about settin’ up a DreFes so we can put an end to those guys once ‘n for all.

That’s why I’m out here practicin’.

Rei: A Drefes… Is it like a live showdown? Doesn’t really sound dream-like.

Koga: Even if the DreFes takes place ‘n we win, what happens next?

Are the rotted idols at our school gonna suddenly have a moment of introspection ‘n say “from this point forward, I’m going to take my idol activities seriously!”?

Rei: That’s the plan, I guess. A rotted corpse can’t become a living human again though.

But. The DreFes is part of school regulations. From what I’ve seen, rules say that if they keep losin’ they’ll be disqualified from bein’ idols.

Their grades get worse ‘n worse, and since they’re not fit t’be a student at our school anymore, they’ll be suspended or expelled.

Bouzu’s just tryna find an excuse t’exile the delinquents, or “vampires” from school.

Koga: Nn, that’s still kinda a roundabout way of doin’ things… Can’t he just use the very fact that they are delinquents to kick ‘em out? That’s bad enough on its own.

Not much point in him goin’ out of his way t’set up a live showdown.

Rei: There’s a high percentage of Yumenosaki students, especially those on the idol course, that come from respectable families. That includes me.

That’s why the schools been turnin’ a blind eye to all their misconduct.

The entire industry is on the decline, and strugglin’ Yumenosaki needs nutrients to survive– needs money to survive.

No matter how irritatin’ and rowdy they are, it’s not as simple as just throwin’ them out.

That’s Yumenosaki’s fatal flaw. No matter how sick it is, ‘n how much it’s hurtin’, it’s not as simple as just removin’ the defective organs.

On the flip side, the schools been desperately tryna cover up any student scandals ‘n protect them from it.

That’s why the “vampires” are still out here, enjoyin’ their youth. So, what do you think? Pretty revolting story, right?

Koga: I guess… Is money really everythin’? Adults always say that it is.

Is money more important than justice? There’s people out there who have been brought t’tears ‘cos of those delinquents, there’s people who feel like shit even though they haven’t done anything wrong.

Why do people who do bad things laugh ‘n point fun at people who do good things?

It’s weird, Sakuma-senpai.

Rei: Yeah. You realise with age that that’s just how the world is, and you learn to ignore it.

So, if you can, help Bouzu to get rid of these delinquents like he’s planned.

Koga: Th-then, you’ve got to take part too! If Sakuma-senpai is on our side, we’ll have the strength of a hundred people!

Let’s do this! Let’s defeat the delinquents with our music!

Rei: Hm~... When you ask me like that, I go all weak.

Ahaha. I don’t think there’s a fix for this sort of thing…maybe I’ve got an incurable disease.

Koga: Y-you’re sick Sakuma-senpai? Then don’t force yourself t’do anythin’...?

Rei: Don’t worry, it’s more of a mental problem.

Right then. Take me t’where Bouzu is, so I can help him too.

I’ll stand on stage.

Koga: Hah! Fuck yes~! If you’re on our side, we won’t lose to anyone ♪

Rei: But. I’m not the type t’break my promises, so I can’t be on the same side as Bouzu who beat me in the Deadmanz live.

That’s why I can’t stand on the stage as his ally. If I do show up, I’ll be in a different unit to him. That’s the only way I’ll perform.

So. If you’re gonna stand on the stage, you gotta pick. Me or him, Oogami Koga-kun.

Koga: That’s, I’m… This ain’t the time to be stubborn. We should band together so we can defeat those delinquents ‘n then—

Rei: Nope~, no can do. This ain’t some heartwarmin’ story. I’m not breakin’ my promise. Not again.

A promise was made. And he lost.

We’ve said our goodbyes. Our paths will never cross again. We will never stand on the same stage again, with the same goals in mind.

Koga: ...

Rei: Yet I stood with him! We have performed together countless times! I'm sorry about how rash I was back then…!

Koga: True. And in the end, I chose t’stand with you, Sakuma-senpai.

Rei: It feels as if Hasumi-kun bestowed you upon me. He was serious, so I couldn’t break my promise.

He said that since he had formed a new unit, AKATSUKI, and per the rules, could not belong to more than one unit at a time.

In the end, Hasumi-kun acted as a supporting figure, working behind the scenes whilst we fought on the front lines to vanquish the delinquents.

[ ☆ ]

Chapter 7

Chapter 9

[helianthus-tarot]

Julian what do I do? I think, tarot readings are doing more harm than good to me. I’ve become so obsessed with the future and finding the right person as I fear being betrayed by the person that I thought was “the one” or not living to my true capabilities. It’s become this obsession that’s stopping me from progressing in life. I put things on hold cause the tarot cards tell me that I’m going to do this or that. I feel guilt cause some tarot readings are really good, but every time I give in to receive advice it just triggers me. Should I just leave tarot cards alone for good or what??

Hi there, sorry for the late reply, I've been thinking.

Short answer: you should stop anything that is negatively affecting you. Long answer: it is useful to look deeper and try finding out the causes to this issue.

You should stop tarot, like an alcoholic should stop drinking alcohol, because it's making your condition worse. But your actual problem isn't tarot, the problem is how you deal with your fear. Many alcoholics' actual problem isn't alcohol, it's how they deal with their stress/life. They drink alcohol to cope, and they become alcoholics. You are using tarot to cope with your fear, that's why you become obsessed. Like alcoholics, their treatment is not just to stop drinking— going to therapy, learn self-management skills, and build support system are a part of the solution. So your solution is not just 'stop doing tarot' here, because if this is the only thing you do, your fear can make you latch onto a different negative coping mechanism once tarot is not in the picture and your actual problem will continue.

Possible problem

I don't know you personally, so I can only guess the true core problem here. You mentioned fear, "being betrayed and not living to your true capabilities", idk what's the connection between not living to your true capabilities and finding The One here, but acting negatively due to your fear means that your fear does not exist on its own. Everyone has fears, it's normal. But some people are able to take positive actions despite their fear. What makes these people different from people who respond negatively to their fear?

I wonder if the root cause is a lack of confidence in your ability to handle life when/if it goes to shit. And maybe also perfectionism. So you try to control the choices you make to minimize the possibility of negative things happening, and you use tarot to do it. When people don't truly feel that they have the ability to deal with life, they will find external ways that can help them feel more secure, ways that can help them avoid what they are scared of. I wonder if subconsciously they cannot imagine how they will be and what they can do if their fear becomes their reality, so they try hard to prevent it from happening.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to use external resources to build security, it's smart. The problem is when you become dependent on it. Because no matter how much security you amass from the external world through financial means, divinatory means, knowledge, and whatnot— life will still hit you hard if you have no inner strength. Life is not 100% predictable, mistakes will still happen, there are still things in life that can make it painful, couple will still fight, we cannot confirm that The One exists, with each choice that we make we gain something and we lose something. You will only doom yourself trying to make it 100% safe or perfect, as you are probably well aware, this isn't the solution.

Build inner strength and deal with fear

The best way to handle life is to have both external resources and inner strength. To build inner strength, you can't avoid challenges. You don't learn to cook by avoiding the knife and the heat. The best way to deal with fear is through it, learn from Pluto. The best way to build strength (and to live to your true capabilities as you said) is by putting yourself in a challenging environment that tests your strength and allows you to improve with the process, learn from Saturn and Mars.

The more often you avoid your fear, the stronger it becomes. Every time you avoid dealing with your fear productively, you tell your brain that the fear is really something that can paralyze you and it is impossible to conquer. Of course your brain will set off the alarm stronger the next time that fear is triggered.

How to do so

The solution I'm about to propose is my version of 'exposure therapy', the principle is.. similar but it's not guided or certified by actual medical professionals so keep that in mind. I've done it and it worked, fast result but painful.

You are scared of X, you need proofs that you can handle X. If you are scared of life going to shit and being betrayed, you need proofs that you have the ability and strength to deal with negative situations. Put yourself in an artificial challenging environment. Be in a situation that will expose you to what you are scared of but which won't get you physically harmed (i.e. it is objectively safe but it has enough challenge for you to address your fear). If negative things don't happen when you do this, you can take this as a proof that there are good things in life. If negative things actually happen, you can take this as a chance to show yourself that you can survive them.

You are scared of being betrayed in relationships? Of being in love with the 'wrong' person? Go out and date around, get into a relationship, make friends, trust people but be smart and healthy about it. Do your best in every interaction, accept failures when they happen, don't self-sabotage. After you do this, see if people betray you, abandon you, reject you, see if relationships fail, and if they do, survive them anyway. Teach yourself to deal with the feelings that come with these experiences and move forward. You are scared of uncertainty? Place yourself in a situation that has a good degree of uncertainty, and rely on your ability (not tarot) to go through it. These are just examples, feel free to be creative with your artificial challenge. Start small, after you make progress, gradually increase the intensity of the challenge. Crawl before you walk, and walk before you run.

Your goal is not to succeed in getting positive responses from the world (if this happens, great). Your goal is to get proofs that you can face what you fear (failures, uncertainties, hurt, being betrayed, etc) and move forward without being paralyzed by the experience, without the experience threatening your inner security, without needing to obsessively rely on tarot or other external resources to make you feel more secure. The more often you face your fear, the more proofs you have to show to yourself that you can handle it when shit happens, the more confident you will become. The final goal is to arrive to a point where you have enough confidence in yourself that you will survive regardless of what life throws at you, regardless of what mistakes you make, regardless of how many shitty people you meet. That's how you can reduce the negative effects any fear has on you.

P/S: Another solution is go to therapy, your therapist will help you.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Before I say anything else I want to make it clear that I have so much respect for you Lost and I love your blog so much it's very precious to me but I want to be honest for once. I am an Eruri shipper, the reason why I am here in the first place, but before that I'm an Erwin fan and have always been and the amount of hate he gets is increased dramatically recently. And I mean of course twitter where the fans interact directly more than tiktok, tumblr or instagram. And the reason Erwin gets all that hate is because of this fandom. I don't say this on twitter or anywhere else because I am very shy but that's how I feel and I am pretty sure this will be seen as Eruri hate. But Eruri fandom on twitter is very much different and way bigger than here on tumblr. And they are very vocal. Most of the time it's fun, banter, jokes and things like that. But a part of the fandom is very vocal about their dislike for every other ship. They literally won't let anyone ship Erwin with Mike or Levi with others, especially Hange. They always mock Levi's fangirls and honestly, I don't appreciate how they talk about Levi (like something to be owned and only belongs to Erwin) or how often they insult other characters like Mike or Hange or "getting in the way of their ship". This isn't a problem for me personally because I am in the Eruri fandom and I choose who I interact with, I have an idea of who to follow and who to mute. But a regular person who doesn't ship Eruri doesn't know about that they often see those takes or jokes and this is one of the main reasons (apart from serum bowl) that Erwin gets so much hate. I would be pissed off, too if people always talked about Erwin like a guard dog or someone to be owned or a mindless lovesick idiot. I honestly forget why I like this ship when I see so ooc takes about them and I need to go back to manga to remember why. And I honestly don't understand why everyone is so defensive when another character's fan talks about this issue. Just because we like the same thing doesn't mean we are one, I am not responsible of other Eruris actions and it's okay to admit that there is a good amount of toxic Eruris. Just like any other ship. These days it feels like a big part of Eruris on twitter are very nice to Erwin for completely wrong reasons and mischaracterizing him and often cause the hate he receives. And I know you will probably disagree with that and it's okay but please don't take this the wrong way it'd kill me if you called me a hater or anything bad like that. I'm just a little frustrated with the fandom, every time I see an Erwin tweet I can't help it and click on it and oops it's once again started with an Eruri tweet mocking others or Levi or Hange or other ships whatever. It's getting worse than Armin stans to be honest.

So I have a policy of not responding to “I’m an Eruri but…” asks because they tend to be disingenuous at best, and outright abusive at worst*  I’m going to make an exception this time though, because I’ve had a number of asks like this. 

First of all, every fandom has fans who prefer arguing with other shippers rather than enjoying their own ship and the Eruri fandom is no exception.  There has always been a small minority of Eruri fans who are vocal in their dislike for other ships and characters and who seem to revel in provoking drama.  The fandom is far from unique in that respect, every fandom I’ve ever encountered has its fair share of troublemakers.  I’ve lost count of the number of fans I’ve blocked from every corner of the SnK fandom over the years.  If someone is starting shit, I don’t want them on my timeline. 

Here’s the thing though, I keep getting anonymous asks from people freaking out about all the drama and hate in the Eruri fandom, and I honestly don’t know where that’s coming from, because I’ve seen very little of it.  Certainly there are fans who hate other ships and characters, they're just a fact of life in fandom. I’ve got a particularly persistent “Anon” in my inbox right now who clearly dislikes Hanji.  I’m studiously ignoring them because a) I’m not interested in airing ship or character hate unless it’s Zeke; and b) they are very much in the minority.  I’ve been in the Eruri fandom for 8 years and I can probably count on one hand the number of Eruri fans I’ve met who hate Hanji. Quite the opposite in fact.  90% of the Eruri fics I’ve ever read feature Hanji as Erwin or Levi’s beloved best friend or wingman. Similarly, I have never seen anyone saying that you can’t ship Erwin and Mike.  Really?? I used to write extremely smutty Mikeru / Mikeri / Mikeruri fics but I’ve never heard so much as a peep of complaint. In fact one of my Mikeruri fics is my third most popular fic with almost 20K hits. 

Now, I’m not so naive as to think that drama doesn’t exist just because I haven’t seen it.  I probably spend more time on twitter than I do on tumblr, but I’ve got a comprehensive block list which means I avoid most of the bullshit.  However I usually pick up on the aftermath of any drama because people I follow tend to talk about it. What I have seen recently is people complaining about one or more trolls who are leaving abusive comments on AO3 and Curious Cat, and I’ve also seen fans getting abuse for fundraising for charities.  Doesn’t get much lower than that tbh. With one or two notable exceptions, who I’ve now muted, I haven’t seen large numbers of Eruri fans mocking other shippers and belittling Levi and other characters. So you’ll understand my confusion about your ask.  Perhaps the hate is real and I’ve just missed it.  Perhaps this has become a self-perpetuating rumour. Perhaps there’s something more disingenuous going on.  If you could give me more concrete examples of this bad behaviour, which is apparently rife in the fandom, I might be able to formulate a more nuanced response.  As it stands, I honestly don’t know how you want me to reply to this ask Anon. You’ve said that how the Eruri fandom behaves isn’t a problem for you and that you choose who to mute and who to interact with, but from what you’ve said here, it sounds like this is a problem for you.  I hate to break it to you Anon, but if that’s the case, it’s not a problem I can solve. 

I have no doubt this reply will provoke another flood of Anon hate, all of which will be ignored and deleted. That’s pretty much my last word on the matter. 

* If you think this is an exaggeration, here’s the most recent “I’m an Eruri but” ask I got just a couple of weeks ago.  This shit isn’t new, it’s been going on for years. 

[lifmera]

hi ! so I’ve been deep in the tokrev tags and something magical brought you to my feed bcs I’ve been searching for someone that does matchups. I would like to ask if I could request a matchup with tokyo revengers.. please take your time getting to this!

my pronouns are she/her, I’m 1.72cm, I swear too much, my favorite color is green, I’m a Pisces, and I’m pretty much a bedroom goblin. If I’m not reading or drowning in my headphones, then I’m sleeping because I love my bed a lot.

Personality wise? I won’t say that I’m antisocial, but I’m a loner. 😭 I prefer my solitude (I don’t have a problem vibing by myself), but I would enjoy spending time with my friends if I had any. I’m pretty much unapproachable thanks to my severe case of RBF and I tend to stay away from big gatherings, but if I attend them I try to separate on my own in a corner after awhile (for some reason ppl still come up to me though, it confuses me greatly)…I’m actually softer once you get to know me though and I’ve been told I have a warm presence that makes it easy for people to gravitate towards me & talk about important things (I always know someone’s deep secrets 😭). It’s easy to talk to people, I just choose not to. 😭

I can be sarcastic and I’m also straightforward. When it comes to relationships/feelings/intimacy, platonic or romantic, I am VERY awkward, it’s hard showing & receiving feelings. I am emotionally constipated until I trust you. I can be a little stubborn and sometimes reckless but it’s only when it comes to protecting my people and my freedom. I’m also very free spirited/carefree and will cut you loose if I can’t have my time to be adventurous. Even though I seem very cold and uninterested (50/50 I am), I am a hopeless romantic at heart.

I’ve typed out as enfp if that adds anything, but I’m not the stereotypical bubbly kind.

Hope that’s more than enough, thank you for your time and I hope life treats you well today and so on. <3

AYYY HI!!

Its finally your turn after stalking this 6 different times. LOL.

I’ve decided to pair you with…. INUI!

I think you guys would get along great. Genuinely.

I think he’d probably want to rot in bed alongside you. Someone he’d be comfortable with. I dont think he has many friends- other than koko and takemichi. And koko is…

I think your rbf wouldn’t do much to deter him. Let’s be honest he does too. He isn’t one to judge!

I think he’d love your warm nature. It’d draw him him like a moth to a flame. Kinda like how he’s with takemichi. You’d mean a lot to him!

I think he also doesn’t like to talk much either. He’s super quiet and would probably just want to rot in bed. I honestly can imagine you both laying on bed with one ear each with an earbud listening to a playlist and just. Staring at the ceiling.

I have to admit, i think you’d also remind him a little bit of koko. But Inui is also pretty much emotionally constipated too. He has trust issues- but i think you both definitely would overcome it together realizing you have a lot in common. And probably becoming super close with each other.

He’d be fine if you’re Adventurous. But I think he is the type of guy who either wants to be in bed all day, or not really go back home.

~~~~

I hope this was okay. Honestly writing this kinda took me for an emotional ride because inui is a comfort character and i love him sm. Also you are such a sweetheart and i hope the rest pf your day goes well when you see this <3

[basu-shokikita]

I was in the sp fandom once, was very much obsessed with your kyman posting. Like I used to check your twitter daily. Kinda wondering, what made u (sorta) quit sp/kyman?

oh wow 😳 i’m flattered

and well…my answer might not be as interesting. as you know, for years kyman was at the center of my fandom life. i talked about them, i wrote fic about them, i organized and helped organize projects about them…and i loved it. despite the negative attention i received for it, i loved kyman so much that i kept at it. nothing came close to grabbing my attention the way kyman and sp as a whole did.

last year, exactly around this time, a good friend made me start watching the show otherwise known as metalocalypse. now, we’ve watched a lot of shows together and i enjoyed them all but i never dug up any further than that. i didn’t think metalocalypse would be any different. why would i?

anyway. metalocalypse. at first it didn’t click, then it got interesting, then it became hysterical…by s3 i was fucking invested. the way i hadn’t been about any media in years (i got into SP as a kid so the peak of my hype for the show itself was during its golden years). but yeah, i continued metalocalypse, finished it, then watched the movie and that was the final straw for me. i had gained a new otp and i wanted to see yaoi of them!!

i figured this wouldn’t be a problem and that i could be both into sp and mtl at the same time. as time went on, though, i felt guilt that i was currently more interested on the brand new thing (metalocalypse) than the old one (south park). i thought new content could fix this and as we got the sp new season announcement it seemed like this would fix the problem.

but then the new season was so….lackluster. like, okay, sp has evidently declining for years now, we’ve known this. but the new episodes didn’t have kyman interacting?? kyman?? the relationship that was at the heart of the show??? so i was like, well, i already have mtl, i don’t really have a reason to stay in the fandom if the show isn’t delivering, you know? i’m the type of shipper that likes to feast on canon and complement it with fanon, not the other way.

so yeah, it felt like the world was telling me it was okay to focus on metalocalypse and that’s what i did. the new south park special was great though! and good for kymans. but that spark is kinda gone for me. i don’t feel that special something i had for kyman anymore. i do love them though, i always will. but the thrill, the obsession? that’s what i feel for skwistok now

but hey, i was into south park as a kid and then i got into it again as an adult. who knows, maybe i’ll get into it again? it is the show that shaped me, my sense of humor and my taste in media even. it’ll always be special to me so it could always make a comeback in my heart. :)

sorry this turned out kinda long, but i’ve had several people asked me what happened over the course of this year so i wanted to say it in case anyone else is still wondering. nothing bad happened, i just grew out of it. doesn’t mean i’ll never write for sp again, though! i totally might, there’s a couple of drafts i’d like to finish not gonna lie. it’s just not my priority at the moment. but i do have writing commissions open, so if you want to see more kyman from me, you can always shoot me a message. ;)

[cb-writes-stuff]

Writer Questionnaire

Thank you @ari-writes-things for the tag! I’ve wanted to do one of these for a while.

It’s very long, and I frequently scroll through my blog. Hence, it’s going under a cut.

How long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr? A fast and loose estimate is fine!

A little over a month.

What led you to create it?

I wanted to share my stuff (writing related and not) with people who’d like it so I’m not just sending my thoughts into the void.

What’s your favorite thing about the writeblr community?

I haven’t interacted with it much, but I like how much variety there is! And how people actually exist who want to talk about writing.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

Um… I don’t know. I guess that I’m shy. I’d love to talk, but I never know what to talk about. If I don’t interact with you much, it’s not because I don’t like you! I just don’t know how to start a conversation.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

Writing snippets from people I know and stories I’m following.

Which wips or writing projects have you been noodling about lately?

Just my main wip, Project Opal.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

It sounds kinda stupid, but I had a dream once. That dream has nothing to do with the story in its current state, but it’s what got me started on this project.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

A few to several hours a day, I’d say.

When someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I usually shrug. But if I’m pressed for an answer, I just say fantasy.

Name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your rear; whomever you’d like

Hmm… Let’s see. I don’t really wanna spoil anything, and I’m gonna be talking about the main characters soon…

Oh, “never been written”? Well. Lemme talk about Sils. (Yes, I’ll talk more about her later, and she’s an unrevealed character. I’m fine with it.) There’s so much about her that’ll make her act weird, but not in the usual kind of weird. I really look forward to writing her.

Who's the most unhinged?

Probably Ven, I think. He’s not exactly unhinged, but he’s the most willing to do stupid things with minimal forethought.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Probably Lynn. Being the most English certainly helps in that regard.

Do you ever cringe at them?

No? I haven’t written very much of my wip, so I might in the future.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? To what degree? Are some less cooperative than others?

Quite a bit. Sometimes too much, perhaps. The problem-fixer in me wants to fix all the problems and avoid conflict.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

ABSOLUTELY. Ask me anything. I would love to talk about my characters. And I’ll take questions in any form!

What makes you want to follow another writeblr account? Do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? Do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I make sure to check a blog out before I follow it. Some stuff really isn’t good for me to see, so I try to avoid it.

Mainly, I follow for vibes. But I also like wips, of course!

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

No, but just because I’m bad at it. It’s kinda hard when I don’t know them. Social anxiety doesn’t help.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

Honestly, I haven’t read enough of their stuff for that. I’d love to, though!

Now, to tag my writer moots…

@xenascribbles @avdlwriting @die-in-beautiful-stars-tonight @orion-lacroix @threedaysgross @funkytrashcan @severevoiddragon @thebookishkiwi @alex-books-and-stuff and anyone else who wants to do it! And if you’re a writer moot of mine and I didn’t tag you here (probably because I didn’t know or forgot), consider yourself tagged! (No pressure, of course!)