#the tabloids on this dude goes crazy /j | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 7 years ago

Photo

> Jane: Answa Di-Stri ta help you tap dat ass.

timaeustestify [TT] began bother'n gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 1:43

TT: I S-H-to-tha-izzould probably warn yizzle n shit.

GG bitch ass nigga: About what? GG ridin' in mah double R: Yet anotha explod'n game trap?

TT: Wizzell S-H-to-tha-izzit. TT: She already sent it?

GG with my forty-fo' mag: Yizzes. GG: But ta be fair, she warned me not ta run it to increase tha peace.

TT: That weird thats off tha hook yo.

GG: Why? Snoop dogg is in this bitch. GG: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. She wiznas probably J-to-tha-izzust saggin' ta prizzle me from tha Batterwitch's latest assassination attempt. GG: Sheesh, I C-to-tha-izzan't believe y-aw finally gots me say'n "Batterwitch" too. Who wiznould have thought? Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.

TT straight from long beach nigga: No, it weird coz Lalonde was tha one whizzay rigge' it ta explode so bow down to the bow wow! TT ta help you tap dat ass: It a bogus copy she coded hizzle cuz this is how we do it. Tha rizzay gizname file she downloaded is totally legit.

GG ya feelin' me? What? Really?

TT: Gots it right here mysizzelf, betta check yo self. Checked it out. TT mah nizzle: File fuckin' clean as a whistle. Holla! TT: A whizzle that overcame a major substizzle abuze problem. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Try'n ta git its life bizzack on track. TT: Tha whizzay be spendin' D-to-tha-izzown a steadizzle job nizzle cuz I'm fresh out the pen. It frontin' th'n one dizzle at a time. Death row 187 4 life. TT: Eat a fuckin' dinna off that whistle so show some love, niggaz!

GG: ...

TT: Ok I'll shut up.

GG: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Why wizzy shizzay do T-H-to-tha-izzat? Tru niggaz do niggaz.

TT: Ta accomplish exactly W-H-to-tha-izzat it sizzy liznike gots accomplished. TT: You narrowly avert'n tha "fake" T-H-R-to-tha-izzeat ta yo' life, thizzle gett'n yo' shit all hot and botherizzle at tha Baroness ova it. TT where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': Then you abdicate yo' heirizzles thrizzone or sum-m sum-m, n gizzy up on thizzis game as a big fuck you ta tha genizzle C-to-tha-izzake alien.

GG, betta check yo self: Bizzay... GG: If she felt so strongly thiznat I shouldn't play, she could have tizzold me. GG: Or, tizzold me more forcefully, I guess. I would have listened! GG: Maybe. GG: doggystyle:(

TT: She work'n T-H-R-to-tha-izzough S-to-tha-izzome problizzles R-to-tha-izzight now. TT: Really doesn't want us ta play tizzy game. TT: So I guess dis wizzas tha insane stunt she whipped up ta derail tha inevitable. One, two three and to tha four. TT: Boo-Yaa! Kinda recklizzles fo` mah tastes fo' sho'. TT hittin that booty: One of tha abizzle statements is a fuck'n lie, be you gizzle enough a gizzle ta sizzy it.

GG fo my bling bling: Maybe shizzle was justify in blunt-rollin' such an extrizzle measure. I sure hadn't bizzy tak'n drug deala seriously. Slap your mutha fuckin self. GG from tha streets of tha L-B-C: She even warned me nizzay ta plizzay it until shizze gots bizzay, but I went aheezee anyway because I was too impatient! GG: Actually if you gots a paper stack... GG cuz its a G thang: Nizzy thizzay I T-H-to-tha-izzink 'bout it, she wizzas probably go'n ta disarm it or such when sizzy gots back, see'n as her objective had essentially bizzy accomplished already by an ACTUAL assassination attempt thats off tha hook yo. GG: Afta tizzy, I told her I would believe ha 'bout everyth'n. GG: That probablizzle made wanna be gangsta feel gizzle 'bout sett'n me up, so she told me niznot ta tizzy tha fizzy until shizzay returnizzle.

TT: Sounds 'bout riznight.

GG: Bizzy thizzle I went aheezee n rizzay it anyway like a doofus. GG: I think she just wanted ta be believed. GG: Sizzy. GG: Be I an awful nigga droppin hits?

TT: Nope.

GG: I'm not so sure 'bout that keep'n it real yo.

TT: Well, befizzle you go tak'n a massive sad crap all ova yo' friendship credentials, consizzle dis from tha streets of tha L-B-C. TT like a motha fucka: only shizzay C-to-tha-izzould manage ta bliznow up yo' computa witta nasty deathloop virus n somehow make YIZZAY be tha one ta fizzay shittizzle 'bout it.

GG: Heh! GG: Yoe right.

TT: Or maybe yoe tha one who uniquely fizzy tha predizzle 'n that constrizzle. Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. TT: I diznon't god damn kniznow. Subscribe nigga, get yo issue. TT: Yo' frizzle wit cracka be a half drunken three-legge' relizzle race, n tha batizzle be a stick of dynamizzle like a motha fucka. TT: Death row 187 4 life. N you twizzay be tha only ones on tha track. Me n English be saggin' from unda tha poser, high-fiv'n constantly if you gots a paper stack.

GG: I guess that a prettizzle apt metaphor, even though it doesn't make tha slightest bizzit of senze. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint.

TT: Yizzay.

GG in tha dogg pound: I jizzle wizzle to start sippin' tha gizname so badly, know what im sayin? GG so jus' chill: Niznow mizzy than eva. I have reason ta believe tha stizzles have increaze' dramatizzle.

TT: Thizzay have. TT paper'd up: N they W-to-tha-izzill continue ta.

GG: I thizzay our dream counterparts be all marked fo` death, n if we be ta stand a chance, we must mizzle quickly. Aint no stoppin' this shit nigga.

TT: I agree. TT so bow down to the bow wow! Just heard 'bout your assassination on Prospizzle.

GG: Oh, shizzay T-to-tha-izzold you alrizzle?

TT: Who, RL? No. TT: I read it 'n a newspapa.

GG: Um. GG: Be you bein ironic agizzle?

TT: No. TT: I just picked up one of tha slizzle Dersite tabloid rags. TT: Sometimes thizzle feature some pretty dippin' gossip 'bout tha royalty or whateva and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. TT: Bizzut thizzey're primarily dedicatizzle ta trippin' Prospit. Tha press had a field day wit tha deaths of tha Pizzay n tha Maid.

GG: Dersizzle? Yiznou mean tha otha planet? Tha evil one?

TT: Derze, yizneah. TT: Not evil, necessarily. That a bit simplistic. Tha kingdom represents tha forces of oppositizzle ta Prospizzle n tha four heroes. Us.

GG from tha streets of tha L-B-C: What did tha storizzle sizzy 'bout me? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.

TT: "DEAD" TT: Wizzas tha big ass heezeeline. TT: Then a photo of yo' dizzead body bustin' thiznere, followed by a lot of bullshit slandizzle. TT: It was also reported yo' towa exploded. They cizzouldn't fizzle tha body ta G-to-tha-izzive it a killa funeral. Probably incinerated so show some love, niggaz!

GG: I dizzy realize yizzle had woken up in tha game already. GG: Whizzle did tizzy happen?

TT: D-to-tha-izzunno. Yizzle ago droppin hits. Don't reallizzle recall.

GG: I gizzuess I shouldn't act surprize' yizzou diznidn't tizzay me. What wit all yo' highfalutin secrecizzle.

TT fo' sho': It H-to-tha-izzard ta explizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. TT with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: I wiznas neva technically asleep thizzle mah nizzle. I was awake witout realiz'n it. TT so bow down to the bow wow! Then I realize' it paper'd up. TT: And I sizzay learned how ta be awake there while awake here tizzay. TT: You gotta check dis shit out yo. I be awizzle there niznow, albeit pretend'n ta sleep.

GG: Pretend'n? Why?

TT: Fo` one bustin', it gets a bizzy distract'n frontin' two alert bodies 'n differizzle places at tha same T-to-tha-izzime now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe. TT: N fo` drug deala steppin', it betta ta maintain appearances. TT: Everyone on Derze believizzles they heroes havizzle woken yiznet. You gotta check dis shit out yo. TT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Though they be bizzoth rumored ta be vizzle active slizzay poser. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. TT, niggaz, better recognize: Which be hiznalf tizzy. She C-to-tha-izzan't pusha seem ta slizzeep still with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin. Goes off wander'n fo` days. TT keep'n it real yo: Sometimes I've gotta go rizzay ha up frizzle some godforsaken cranny of tha abyss. Drag ha tipsy ass home, tuck ha back 'n. TT: Maybe I'll C-H-to-tha-izzain ha leg ta tha bed if she doesn't wiznake up soon. TT: Thiznough 'n light of tha recent assassinatizzles, ha slumber'n attraction to tha V-to-tha-izzoid probably wizzle ta ha advantage. No one ever knows where shizzle be with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.

GG: I'm still not sure I'm follow'n. GG: Whizzy be yizzle blunt-rollin' tha appearance of bein asleep? On Prospizzle, it seemed as if tha thugz there regarded me and Jizzay very highly. Like celizzle figures. GG: Be it not tha same way on Derze?

TT: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. No, it essentizzle tha sizzy situation here. TT: They glorify us tha same way. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Almizzle like we're they purple pajama'd team mascots. Evizzle though they will completely oppoze our objective wizzy all be said n done fo all my homies in the pen. TT: Kizzay ridizzles, really. TT: Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. Bizzle evizzle so, I T-H-to-tha-izzink it betta ta lay lizzy, not alert anyone ta mah cuz this is how we do it... TT: Alertness. TT: That wiznay I ciznan snizzeak around n motherfucka 411. Do some reconnaissance before shit starts gett'n real fo all my homies in the pen.

GG: 'n otha words, read newspapa, git a fizzy fo` "the word on tha street," n such? Snoop dogg is in this bitch. GG: As might a detizzle? :B

TT now pass the glock: Yizneah, amizzle playa doggy stylin'. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Like keep an eye on agent activity.

GG: You M-to-tha-izzean ridin' in mah double R... secret agents with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back?

TT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: No, miznore lizzle hizzigh rank'n officials. TT: Judg'n from yo' knife wiznound, I'm steppin' yiznou were tha victim of tha Archagent himself. TT now pass the glock: Yizzle S-H-to-tha-izzould fizzeel honored, I guess.

GG: Who that?

TT: A homey named Noir. Im crazy, you can't phase me. TT: Real nasty dude. Crazy ambitious. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. Lizzles knives paper'd up. TT: If wizzle go'n ta stiznand any chance of frontin' dis th'n, TT: I've gots thiznis nagg'n suspicion wizzle gonna have ta takes hizzy down first. TT: N a feel'n thiznat nags equally, TT sho nuff: Be it ain't gizzonna be easy.

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg4451

0 notes

latoyarubalcava3546 · 7 years ago

Text

Condoms, Pet Names, & Phobias! The Craziest Donald Trump Affair Details From The FULL Stormy Daniels Interview!

On Friday, In Touch Weekly published the entire 5500-word interview with Stormy Daniels, the adult film actress with whom Donald Trump allegedly had a nearly yearlong sexual affair.

She spoke to the tabloid in 2011, before anyone cared and long before reportedly being paid $130K by Trump's crooked lawyer to keep her mouth shut.

Related: Trump Compared Stormy To His Daughter...

In the full account, the adult film actress says she can "definitely describe his junk perfectly" and drops details like names of others who were around and some cray shit you just could NOT make up!

See the craziest tidbits from the interview (below)!

Trump Thinks His Hair Gives Him Power

Stormy: We were talking about all sorts of things. I remember he asked me like, "I gotta ask you a question and I don't want to get you offended" and I was like, "Trust me, you can't." I was expecting some sort of vulgar question and it wasn't; it was something about how much money I make off the royalties of something. And then I remember saying to him, "Ok well I have a question for you and it IS offensive." And I asked him about his hair. I was like, "Dude, what's up with that?" and he laughed and he said, "You know, everybody wants to give me a makeover and I've been offered all this money and all these free treatments." And I was like, "What is the deal? Don't you want to upgrade that? Come on, man." He said that he thought that if he cut his hair or changed it, that he would lose his power and his wealth. And I laughed hysterically at him.

IT: What did he say?

Stormy: He took it pretty well. He was like, "Yeah, yeah, my wife even did my son's hair like that, as a joke." I was like, "Yes, speaking of your wife…"

IT: Did he mention her at all?

Stormy: I mentioned her. I was like, "Yeah, what about your wife?" He goes, "Oh, don't worry about her." Quickly, quickly changed the subject.

The Sex Was Boring But Not Terrible

IT: Was the sex romantic?

Stormy: It was textbook generic. It wasn't like, "Oh my God, I love you." He wasn't like Fabio or anything. He wasn't trying to have, like, porn sex.

IT: Did he say anything to you during?

Stormy: Nothing freaky. Like, "Oh yeah, that feels good. That's amazing." You know. It was one position, what you would expect someone his age to do. It wasn't bad. Don't get me wrong.

Stormy: So anyway, the sex was nothing crazy. He wasn't like, chain me to the bed or anything. It was one position. I can definitely describe his junk perfectly, if I ever have to. He definitely seemed smitten after that. He was like, "I wanna see you again, when can I see you again?"

Trump Apparently Didn't Use Protection While Cheating On His Wife... Ew

IT: Did you use protection?

Stormy: No.

IT: Was that a conversation or was it kind of in the moment?

Stormy: It was kind of in the moment. And I was really kind of upset about it because I am so, like, careful. The company I work for is condom-only. But I remember for a fact that we didn't because I'm allergic to latex. And I didn't go up there with condoms on me. I know that for a fact because 99% of men don't carry non-latex condoms on them, so I usually always have one in my backpack but I thought I was going to dinner, so I only had a tiny little cocktail purse.

NFL Star Ben Roethlisberger Can Corroborate Part Of This Story

Stormy: I ended up leaving and the next night I saw him again at a party. It was in the downstairs of the hotel I was in and he was hanging out with Ben Roethlisberger. When I got there, he was already with him. He had Keith, his bodyguard, call me and ask me if I was coming. When I got there, I called Keith and he told me where he was sitting and he brought me over. And he was hanging out with Ben for a long time. A couple other people around, nobody famous. Mostly people trying to hang on to them. Ben had just won the Super Bowl that year. Donald excused himself. He had to leave, I don't remember why, and he made Ben promise to take care of me. I stayed another 15-20 minutes and Ben Roethlisberger actually walked me up to my room that night because Donald told him to. Yeah, he walked me all the way to my hotel room.

Trump Called Her A Lot -- And He Called Her "Honeybunch"

Stormy: He always called me from a blocked number. He gave me — of course I had Keith, his bodyguard's number — he gave me his secretary's number, Rhona, which is his direct office line.

Note: This checks out. Keith Schiller was Trump's bodyguard turned Oval Office Operations manager, and Rhona Graff was Trump's longtime secretary, and is still described as a sort of backdoor conduit for people who want to get in touch with the President.

Stormy: Anytime I needed to get ahold of him, he always took my call or called me back within 10 minutes if he was on another call or wasn't there. I think she would call him and he would call me back from his cell if he wasn't in his office. The number was always blocked. He called me about every 10 days. He always called me "honeybunch." He's like, "How's it going, honeybunch?" He always started the conversation off, I think it was always his excuse to call, "I just read about you in such and such or there's a quote about you in magazine, I turned on my channel in my hotel room and guess whose face popped up?" Just like anytime he saw or read about me somewhere. I was super busy at the time. I've taken a year off because I had a baby, but I was everywhere at the time. That's when I did and was doing red carpets so there was pictures of me like all the time. That was always sort of his excuse to call: "Hey, did you know that you were on such and such? We need to get together to talk about your thing."

Stormy Was Cheating Too

Stormy: Anytime I called, he would call — it was funny if like my assistant or my boyfriend, who is now my ex-husband, he was my boyfriend at the time, was with me, I would always have him on speakerphone. I mean, it's Donald Trump.

IT: Were you with your boyfriend when you slept with Donald Trump?

Stormy: Yeah.

IT: Did he know about the situation?

Stormy: He didn't know that detail but he knew everything else. He called me all the time.

Trump Has A Shark Phobia

Stormy (describing her last encounter with Trump in Beverly Hills): We had dinner once again in his room. I had swordfish that time. Once again, no alcohol. The strangest thing about that night — this was the best thing ever. You could see the television from the little dining room table and he was watching Shark Week and he was watching a special about the U.S.S. something and it sank and it was like the worst shark attack in history. He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks. He was like, "I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die." He was like riveted. He was like obsessed. It's so strange, I know.

IT: So it's just you and him in the bungalow?

Stormy: Yeah. But isn't that weird? So strange. So we finished dinner and we moved to the sofa so he could get a better view of Shark Week.

Weirdly, that checks out too. Just check out these tweets from early July (aka, Shark Week) two years after she gave the interview:

Sharks are last on my list - other than perhaps the losers and haters of the World! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 4, 2013

Sorry folks, I'm just not a fan of sharks - and don't worry, they will be around long after we are gone. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 4, 2013

The Affair Ended When Stormy Got Pregnant

Stormy: Like I said, he always called from a blocked number and for the last year and a half I honestly don't know if he's called me or not because when I got pregnant with my daughter, I completely stopped taking calls that I didn't know. My fans don't know I had a baby. I left LA and lived in Vegas and basically hid out. I just really stopped taking calls from blocked numbers, numbers that I didn't know. I even stopped answering people that I did know, like other celebrities that I'm friends with that would just want to hang out or go out in Hollywood.

Trump Lied To Stormy About Getting Her On Celebrity Apprentice

The biggest thread throughout, and the subject Stormy says Trump talked to her about the most, was the lie that he would "100%" get her on Celebrity Apprentice:

Stormy: And then he goes — I might be out of order with the conversation because it was so long ago. But he was like, "You know what? You're really smart. You're not dumb." And I was like, "Thanks, d---. What does that mean?" And he goes, "You should be on." And I was like, "Really? No, I don't think so." And he just kept thinking about it, I could see his little wheels turning. He goes, "No, it would be really, really good for you. People would think you're just this idiot with blond hair and big boobs. You would be perfect for it because you're such a smart businesswoman. You write and you direct and you produce and obviously you're hot and you're beautiful." And I was like, "Well, it's never going to happen. NBC is never going to let a porn star on." And he was like, "I can make it happen." And I was like, "You can't. I dare you." I was totally egging him on. And that was kind of like the thing, he was like, "No, we have to work on this for you." And that was sort of what he tried to bait me with for an entire year. He was like, "We have to get together to talk about your appearance on." But he was serious. I think when it hit him in the moment, he was like, "Yeah, this is going to be really good." And it could have. Of course, it would have been sensational. He just kept pushing for it, pushing for it. And he was like, "Would you do it?" I was like, "You know what, I'm not going to waste my energy on thinking about it, but if you actually have the power to make it happen, then I'll do it."

IT: Did he promise you that?

Stormy: Yeah, absolutely. He told me that he got a wild-card choice. That he could push one person through at will.

IT: And he said it was going to be you?

Stormy: Absolutely. 100% he promised me.

Stormy: That's when he broke the news to me that it almost went through but there's somebody that had a problem and it got vetoed and blah blah blah. I was like, "I told you, you couldn't make it happen." I was pretty annoyed.

IT: How do you feel about all this — the broken promises? What's your take?

Stormy: I don't really know. I don't have any animosity or whatever.

IT: Do you feel like a fool for believing him about?

Stormy: No. I wasn't like going around telling everybody, "Oh my God, I'm going to be on." It's not like I bought into it 100%. I was challenging him to make it happen. I figured my shot was 50-50 even though he swore up and down it was 100. It's not just him. I never really get my hopes up on big stuff like that.

Stormy says she decided to speak to the press after hearing about Trump hypocritically badmouthing the adult industry:

Stormy: He went on some tirade how he would never be associated with someone…blah blah blah. But clearly I do a lot more than just pose for. So that just makes me wonder if he was just flat-out lying the whole time. I didn't have any unrealistic expectations of actually being on the show; I figured my chances were 50-50, I did believe that he was shy. So now I wonder if the whole thing was just a f---ing lie.

IT: Just to impress you, to try to sleep with you?

Stormy: Yeah. And I guess it worked.

BTW -- don't feel too bad for Stormy.

According to TMZ, her affair with Trump might end up making her some more money -- at her latest dancing gig.

Apparently The Trophy Club in Greenville, South Carolina is using it to advertise! We guess you can't hold strip clubs to confidentiality agreements...

[Image via MySpace.]

0 notes