#the subtext !!!! (aka they fucked nasty after this)

[citrinekay]

The Worst of Evil // Episode 9

[postsforposting]

Speedrunning

Marvel Jesus meets Dogpool. Meets MARY puppins.

If you follow the story, you notice that there's a bunch of religious stuff in it. It's why it's 72 hours, aka three days. He spend three days in hell, same as Jesus after getting crucified.

Wade and Logan start off getting sent to the cross. Except it was supposed to be God aka Logan on that cross, and Wade grabbed him to go with him. If you look frame by frame, Wade first is wrapped around Logan's chest, but he ends up pinned to the cross right behind Logan. I think he deliberately put himself between Logan and the magnet, to protect him.

This is not how it goes in the bible. Jesus is forsaken on the cross by god--he's not there INSTEAD of god, god sent him there. God so loved the world he sent his only son to die? Nah, this time around anti-Jesus so loved god (himself, really) that he tried to PREVENT it.

The superficial biblical allusions aren't what we think they are when you really look. You know, like how the bible can say something nasty but we choose call that love by going "well what it REALLY means is", ripping apart all possible subtext. DPW makes you think it's biblical on the surface, makes you think this is our Jesus, when....it's not.

He's an ANTI hero. First movie flat out said he's not a hero. He's anti-jesus, not jesus. The movie looks like he's Jesus...but it's not. He's not a hero, but he WAS....it's not that simple.

The TVA coming to get him was the Romans arresting Jesus: the Romans needed him to be identified among the crowd, but here they already know who he is and are merely being polite about confirming it's him. Jesus didn't want to go: that's the whole garden of Gesthsemane and the "why have you forsaken me" prayer.

Wade, however, DOES want to go with the TVA. He's talking about getting sexual and they're talking about getting violent, aka...."let's fucking go".

The missing character in the Roman scene is Peter: he denies Jesus three times. Our Peter, instead, affirms him three times over the movie: once in the salesman lockers, once when he shows up to save him from the Deadpool corps, and again to save him from the TVA.

That makes the birthday party not the nativity, but the Last Supper. It's his bday party (is a nativity), and there's only one candle on the cake, because he's about to be taken to hell and reborn. It's Year One, the year Jesus is born. The speech Wade gives to everyone? That's the Last Sermon. Both birth and death. (Born again regeneration joke.)

The TVA is anti-hell: people thinking they're helping the world when really they're not. Except it's not that simple, because it IS true that if people are going to suffer and die, it's better to make it quick. The problem is that these anti-demons don't try to fix anything: they just let things happen. Not that the previous TVA "trying to fix things" was any better. It's not that simple.

You know who thinks the world is doomed and it should be...cleansed? Like the TVA thinks? That's god in biblical Revelations: judgement day. But again, Jesus was SENT, he didn't freely choose, he simply didn't fight: that's the monologue in the garden of Gesthemane.

Our Wade though? He makes it look like he's going upstairs, but we have a whole dance routine proving he's more than capable of avoiding Paradox's shaft. He lets himself be sent to "the void". After refusing a place in....anti hell. Because it's still hell. Anti hell isn't heaven. He WANTS to go to the void.....aka, the heaven for antis, anti heaven. Perfect for people like anti heroes. Wade's defining trait is being contrary: doing the opposite of the thing he's expected to do. That's why he's morally flexible: he creates the choice what Francis meant to deny him, that we as god the author meant to deny him.

Wade goes to a version of hell, finds god through that hell when it was neither expected nor required, and returns triumphant, only to be cast down.

The TVA does not expect him to save the multiverse, to "matter", because they want to send him to earth. Being contrary, he goes to ostensible hell instead. This hell is a trash heap, nothing in it is supposed to....matter. IRL religion Jesus saved hell, forgave the sins of those who repented. Our Wade therefore makes hell worse and redeems people who don't deserve it.

Wade is saying to Logan as Logan watches him get shafted: will you follow me into hell? you comin or what?

The story you think is there, is, but also isn't. (and also with you god's invisible omnipresence joke)

Logan goes with Wade--he doesn't have to. Biblically, god sends Jesus to hell and earth alone. Without him. This god chooses to go with him--he saw what just happened to Wade, he could have taken Paradox out, and did not put up any kind of fight. You're supposed to think this is just normal "moving the plot along" hand wave discrepancies, but it's not--it's literally intentional.

Because god and jesus are the same entity: they're both contrary. Wade deliberately does the "unexpected", the WRONG, thing; Logan deliberately chooses the WRONG thing: he couldn't let them know he wanted to be there. Was that because he couldn't get over himself, or because he literally did not want to be there and so wouldn't lie about it?

Things aren't what they look like, after all.

We meet Johnny Storm, who literally isn't who they think he is. He's the anti-Moses, an anti-prophet, who instead of leading them to freedom, leads them further into anti-hell. Nothing he says is right: "this'll be easy", he says, and it's easy only for the other side.

Johnny is quite literally a "look below the surface"--take off the cloak-- lampshade.

If everything he says is wrong, then everything he said about Nova is also wrong. She's not the devil king of hell; the void is anti-heaven, she's a mirror of Logan. A mirror of an anti-god is.....god herself. The Omega, of alpha-and-omega.

She says she has to "get her hands dirty" to know people's thoughts, instead of merely knowing them from afar like Charles, like god. She "gets her hands dirty" by touching Johnny before any of what he said comes out: she already knew he'd said it. And did nothing about it. Actually seemed to be delighted he said it.

She didn't kill him because he said she was awful; she killed him when he denied saying it, but only after he claimed Wade was a liar. That's bearing false witness, which thou shalt not do, one of the ten commandments of.....god. Johnny's thought crime and offense against her didn't matter. She cared when he said Wade was lying, though. Wade repeated what Johnny said because no one expected him to do that--no one wanted him to, so he did.

Thou also shalt have no other gods before me, which is why she kills Magneto and melts the helmet. Juggernaut is safe because he works for her, aka believes in her. She buries Logan and zips him away because, His Majesty as scary as Nova, is trying to take her throne: another god before her.

Nova is god in anti-hell, aka a version of heaven. She wants to end all other realities until only the void, aka a type of heaven, exists. That's conversion at swordpoint. Judgement day. She has the sparkle circle and could have done this at any time: just as people say the judgement comes in the night like a thief. She never did it because she couldn't do it all at once: she doesn't want a fight. She wants submission.

Logan and Wade leave anti heaven because she expects them to die: did in fact earmark them as the rent to die. They then land right outside a cafe, a place full of food, aka....the garden of Eden. They go back into the garden, unlike the biblical Adam and Eve who were forced out. It's only full of spam and deadly toxins though, nothing actually nutritious. Logan eats the "forbidden apple", rubbing alcohol...also known as nail polish, which removes a superficial glamorous coating to reveal the real "ugly" nail underneath.

Wade hasn't got his mask on here for the same reason: except for him, since we know his real calling is Deadpool, his mask is the real him and his bare face isn't. What he's saying here isn't what he really thinks, that's why he's doing what's expected instead of his normal asshole routine. Same as Nicepool's "niceness" is false. He's "nice" when he's "mask off", but it's false: a white lie to cover his real thoughts. Just as the mask itself is a lie to cover how much he cares: it hides his bleeding--bleeding heart, how much he cares.

We know this isn't what he thinks because Wade's toupee is a lie everyone knows about--we were shown that in the bday party with Nega and Yukio. The the sparse remnant of the toupee is the clothing in the garden of Eden, put on out of shame to hide reality. Logan aka anti god is telling Wade everyone, including Logan and Wade, know who he really is, and that hiding it--trying to be someone he's not--is what's shameful.

He's saying there is nothing wrong with him--

I mean.

There is. That's why they like each other.

But that particular thing is not what's wrong with him. Logan likes his face.

Worst Logan or best Logan? Well, both: he's a blaspheming capital-G God and that's what makes him the best one.

They meet Mary Puppins, which is supposed to look like the John the Baptist where Jesus gets baptized by the holy spirit. John the Baptist heralded the arrival of Jesus and concealed who he was from King Herod who went on to commit the Massacre of the Innocents. Nicepool never expected Wade, is a version of Jesus himself, and I think he's the one who volunteered the Deadcorps to go after Wade--causing the massacre. Puppins is the anti-holy spirit, running to Wade without being called or given leave.

Puppins baptizes Wade through a tongue bath, aka a facial....like baptism is either a facial or getting in the drink. Her tongue is the unicorn horn dick joke, so when I say he's getting a facial I really do mean a facial.

Her being Mary is the complimentary half of the dick joke. She's two sexes, because Virgin Mary conceived by herself. Because this is not just the baptism, but the immaculate conception.

Mary Puppins is Mary mother of god who was asked by the angel Gabriel Nicepool to have Jesus. Perverted though: Mary finds Jesus herself, instead of being asked, and god was not involved in this transaction. Immaculate conception joke.

If you're....aware...of the invisible pink unicorn, then on another level (haha levels of hell via levels of sin joke) Mary is a unicorn because that's god's invisible presence in Mary. God the unicorn is a fantasy creature. Now made flesh, like Logan.

What is, is. But is it? (star trek Spock joke). What IS is? We're exploring subtextual relations!

Isn't it fun what we can do with the words in the bible??? Mmm textuality.

We then move on to "the promised land", which isn't Jerusalem and is full of anti-heroes: people we assume are the good guys but actually are selfish and don't care about other people's worlds. We get to the promised land after going through a desert, aka, the walk out of Egypt. It's not 40 years because these guys have transportation. They stop in the middle of the desert in what appears to be an oasis for a quick temptation to....part the red sea, both literally in murdering each other but also in that it's a sex euphemism. Violence is sex, yanno. Moses holds out his staff and the red sea parts to dry land; Logan pops up his twelve inch staffs and not only makes it rain blood but gets his people wet.

Gotta keep your arms in the car so you don't get them whacked off while you're joy riding.

In the promised land, Wade doesn't found the twelve tribes because he must first go kill the neighbors. Can't have Israel without removing those who were there first; this outlaw land is already empty, but we must get everyone to invade the pharaoh's kingdom. Gambit is anti-Satan, aka the ineffable god, who helps lead everyone to their deaths. Unlike in the bible, they specifically do not kill everyone, not even the titular pharaoh.

The fight in Nova's compound is a massacre of the innocents (where King Herod had all the potential baby jesus killed), because this is heaven for antis: anti heaven. She was protecting them from death. Not enslaving them, unless you count god's commandments, which I will leave as an exercise for the peanut gallery. The battle at the compound is one of the ten plagues: the plague of the firstborn, except the only exemption is that the pharaoh is unexpectedly spared, and she lets them go.

They fall from not-heaven to earth. To save us, ostensibly. But **singsong** nothing is ever what it seems.

Then god shows up to defeat Satan, except instead of stopping Paradox she enhances his crimes.

Killing the failed potential jesuses (deadcorps) is a reference to the actual massacre of the innocents, but really it's the war in heaven. God starts it and it's everyone against two guys; the end is that everyone abandons god for the Peter who believes in them, because they didn't really want to be following orders anyway.

Nicepool's murder is about John the Baptist's beheading: he gets killed for criticizing the marriage of a king to a woman who's less than upright; the woman had known of the plot to kill the previous king but said nothing. The wife, Dogpool, wants to leave Nicepool, to bless her new king Wade and his queen Logan. Nicepool knew Deadpool threatened him--the plot to kill the king--and ignored it. Deadpool kills him because Dogpool needs to be properly widowed before she can marry Wade and Logan.

The bus during the corps orgy invokes the immaculate conception: that's what the "failed dismount" is, aka not pulling out. He got off but didn't pull out. Hence we meet Babypool and thus rises all the Jesus/Deadpools. The orgy itself is portrayed as a heroic act to save the world, but it's really not because the visuals we get reference The Raft, a painting about a boat captain saving himself instead of his men. Wade's not a hero, remember?

In dp2, the movie opens with dead Logan, and then we watch Wade try to kill himself. Ostensibly, the movie is about Wade trying to reach Vanessa, but he's really trying to join Logan in death: he flat out says "you died so I'm gonna do it too". His goal is never to help Russell, it's to die: that's why he puts on the collar at the end. He's trying to reach "the other side" figuratively and literally the whole movie. He goes with the Roman TVA in dp3 because he knows he can reach the other side through them--reach Logan. Traditionally, one does that through death, unconsciousness, or going underwater. Wade goes through a little death, and Logan goes "through the drink"--that's why he's already deep in his cups when Wade finds him, because he too is trying to reach the other side. They're both god, after all--they've both always known that there was more out there.

They'd both give up forever to touch: give up their eternal life just for an excuse to touch. Like going to the reactor, racing to get in, and not caring if they live or die.

He's not doing this to save the world but to kill himself; the implication is that the creation of Jesus wasn't to save the world but to doom it, because he's the guy who heralds Judgement Day. No Jesus, no judgement (anti Jesus is anti Judgemental); the shameful thing in the garden of Eden was hiding oneself rather than facing down God, and the implication there is that the real sin wasn't the apple but doubting yourself and the shame of that.

In the reactor, the apocalypse is turned into the creation of the universe: Wade and Logan are under the feet of god, between the legs of the reactor. They literally light that fuck box on fire in their pursuit of a little death for themselves. They wanted judgement day for themselves, that's why Wade aka Jesus has....returned to earth from the heavens--falling on the car--after his crucifixion on the magnet.

The ending shot of the party is the nativity, but we've seen that before: it's both nativity and the last supper. Previously it heralded the crucifixion and the end of the world; Wade can't die, so what this is really telling us is that while he IS about to get nailed, it's us the audience who's on the chopping block next: he did just kill god, after all. He's gonna do it again.

In life, in his own world, Wade was cut off from Logan--from god. You only get to see god through death, which is why he loves dying so much, and a reason why he hides that with his red suit. Wade doesn't get to stay dead though--doesn't get to stay with god. He's anti-Jesus, who gave himself eternal life instead of finding it in death with god. Vanessa is anti-Wade, anti-(anti Jesus), aka actual Jesus--this is why their crazy used to match but no longer does, because he no longer needs her for life and she can't have him in death. It's not forever with her. Jesus in life is as close as Wade can get to god/death on earth though, so he stays. After he makes it so that her death never happened, she's no longer Jesus because she no longer died for him. He's always known he was destined for someone else--he was always married to the church of Logan.

After finding god via hell, he now has eternal life AND god. Just as Logan does. They've now got a reason to live, but as with any romcom, dying together is the ultimate romantic trope. Whether they live or die, they get what they always wanted. As with lots other things in these movies: it's not either/or, but both/and/plus a secret multiverse. Of course we would expect Deadpool to pervert even death itself, just as he did for himself in dp1 and for Vanessa in dp2.

One of the reasons he rejects the cross Wolvie is because Wade does NOT want a self sacrificing guy. Every Wolvie does that, except the worst one who never says he wants to be there. Until there's something that can actually kill him.

Instead of going up to heaven, he goes up to a version of hell. Instead of going down from heaven to earth, he goes down from the void--a version of heaven--to earth. It's implying that heaven is actually hell, and hell is heaven. Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven: actually, better to get rid of it all, because getting rid of hell--the "TVA doesn't do that anymore"--isn't enough. Wade's defining trait isn't just resistance, it's abolitionism, anti-slavery, like what Francis was going to do to him. God demands obedience, the one thing Wade won't tolerate. The one thing that dooms the world if nobody pushes back against....judgement day, where god wipes out the world. Whether it's the devil doing it or god, both are still the apocalypse.

You know why the biblical stuff is a little bit queer? Not what was expected? Wade skimmed the bible but missed big chunks of it because missing the (Disney's Star Wars) Empire is what Wade did both previous movies. Read the book, didn't like it, bucked tradition to do things differently. It's expected of an anti-jesus and anti-god. There's a motif of "it's not that simple" and "it can be both" through everything, because Wade is nothing if not a queer choice pervert. That's why every movie is one long dick joke: if you're going to be a pervert, you might as well pervert everything and make yourself not just heaven on earth but Christ The Lord himself of perversion.

Wade's universe was not quite dead and then revived....born again. Regenerated. Just like Wade himself. So the universe was.....made in his image. His friends--fans, us--have been upgraded to disciples. Founded on the bones of god, we are the church of the Queer.

You can save the universe if you chuck the rules and put your pervert little hands all over it. Is it still "heroic" if it was incidental and you do it only for your own agenda? Disney thinks so, since they produced this "mistake".

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x01 watching notes

RIP Kip, we hardly knew ye.

Well hey, returning friends and people who unwittingly clicked on this not knowing exactly what they're in for. Blowing off the dust and starting a new season of Dabb fuckery, which I spent way too long trying to think of a portmanteau for when I already have the episode downloaded

It's 5am, let's DO THIS.

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So they start with Dean's Hi I Am A Cop On The Day Before I Retire speech re: hula girls and hawaiian t-shirts which is remarkably prescient of me to have been irrationally upset about that one detail after I binged most of season 13 last night to get me back in the mood. So now I have to elaborate on my one line textpost >.>

Because yes, that is the perfect note to start the season on: Dean thought the good times had rolled, allowed himself to hope, assembled himself a family with mom and step-pop (Bobby counts as a full father but AU Bobby is step-pop), brother, husband, kid... Said kid was promising A World Without Monsters aka Dabb's showrunning tagline for an endgame he teases them. And Lucifer was tucked safely away in an AU with the murderous Michael... And then in a series of events it all came crumbling down and with this amount of goodness in his grasp, he gave up what even when the real Michael was hounding him for it, he couldn't before.

Because in season 13 it is beyond obvious that Dean is tired, an Old Hunter, the best of his game but ready to bow out on that note, and yet for him it's not a matter of stepping back and letting someone else handle it because when Michael and Lucifer were involved, it was beyond personal. He and Sam only EXIST because Lucifer and realMichael wanted them to. And so there was no way this trouble would come to someone else's door, when it was the nasty angel on his shoulder and the devil on Sam's and we have Nougat as their collective responsibility who's the nexus of it all anyway.

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Eeee the Road So Far text is glowy grace colour on a dark blue background. I'm JIZED for the title card.

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Goodness, the Road So Far is a weird journey because we see Jack being all useful and magic and then callbacks to 13x01 and 2 where he was a messed up 2 day old and Dean just wanted to murder him.

I haven't outlined any expectations for this episode or even this recap but I suddenly realise that I should probably be wondering how much DeanCas we're gonna get in it, and this rage against Jack is subtextually motivated, for sure, but for me the first 6 episodes of Dean's grief arc were wonderful character stuff but removed from the main plot and therefore in my head I keep boxing them off like a bubble season, like 10x01-3 are, and I legit wasn't even expecting to SEE content from them in the recap, because brilliant as they are I sort of just forgot they were a part of this season despite watching them yesterday. The season for me became so much the Jack And Mary Search that this hiccup at the start didn't meet the requirements to be in season 13 :P

They're just That Time Dean Was Really Sad About Cas Then He Came Back And They Were Cowboys

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Oh good there was "everybody we've lost" and then a recap of Cas dying and then - oh, we're recapping plot again? Er... everybody? Dean? Who else? DEAN?

this was the thinly veiled subtext of that line anyway since Dean waved off Mary and made it all about Cas anyways but. Yikes, editing team.

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Jesus I watched season 13 yesterday and I forgot about Asmodeus. You know what, this is pre-coffee AND the 2 types of anti-brain fog medication I gobble in the morning.

But he's that much of a useless lump

Also too much Lucifer nipple on screen pre-coffee. Ick.

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Nice recapping of Not The Levitating Fight.

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NOW

Stock photo Nyoom of the season!! Hi Baby! You aren't in this episode because Eugenie said the car wasn't being used this season

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Sam's got his Vengeance Eyes on but he's all scruffy and grown up so I trust him 10000% to get the job done.

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OW. FUCK. OW. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. GOOD USE OF INTERSTITIAL MUSIC

Why were you even listening to Dean's tapes if they fuck you up that badly? IS THIS YOUR VENGEANCE PLAYLIST? I'VE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS

Actually, I haven't, I binged 4-5-6 as one unit after thinking the show was cancelled during the writers' strike but the point is that Sam and his ipod in 4x01 is immediately in my head because he was listening to his own music and being a hipster douche, but now he is not on demon blood he has not installed an ipod dock because he's GETTING DEAN BACK, DAMMIT but at the same time he's also realising that this means a heavy toll that the only driving music in the car is Dean's stuff...

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Oh no, this must be the guy from the SDCC clip we hadn't seen because Osric Chau is banned forever for illegally uploading them all for us in the past, and all I know is that Deanchael is going to Fuck Him Up and I feel very bad for him

*raises my mug to Osric* I'm sure you tried, dude. And thanks for the previous years.

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Hi Deanchael. I noticed in a promo pic that his tie has that sacred geometry type pattern on it which is a detail I made a mental note to type out literally anywhere in the like month between there and here and did not so here it is at a hopefully appropriate place.

Based on every other scene setting detail I suspect that this faithful man is actually still within the USA because this is literally the cabin set they re-use for everything. The spoilers made it sound like Deanchael was globe trotting to raise his army but now I see what's around us... Yeah no he's as focused on the US as every other big bad before.

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Anyway they really specifically chose this prayer to Allah because of how pointed it was about being only for Allah and how he was the best, so I'm assuming Deanchael is here to be like yo God's gone and I'm your last chance of faith

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Like just ruin his day and he got up at like 4am or whatever the first prayer is to do it and all

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I hope, like, no offence to any Muslim viewers or anything >.> They sure play fast and loose with a lot of this stuff because Christian cultures are full of bitter non-believers raised in the culture and looking to kick up at the big guy in the sky, which is not an impression I get that Islam is as used to cultural flippancy, regardless of personal beliefs of residents of predominately Muslim countries and cultures. I'm not 100% sure though, because the closest link I've got is my raised-Christian Iranian friend who applies Christian eye-rolling to the issues with being in Iran and heathen so I still get that perspective of middle fingers up at Organised Religion from our discussions about it all... anyway big diversion, still waiting for coffee to kick in :P I just swallowed the last of it so I can only get more jittery from here on out!

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It's so fuckin weird to see Dean's face confidently reciting verse in Arabic

I mean you don't need the hat, sir. I get it. It's not you in there.

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Well so far anyway he's playing on the fact that the guy does pray to god and his angels.

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Lol @ this man guessing his way through God AND Gabe to Deanchael's annoyance that he's the 3rd guess and he has to clarify that he's the better one.

Man, Gabriel worked on his reputation. I wouldn't have been able to tell you who Michael was because there wasn't even a kid in my class with that name when I was age 4 busy portraying Gabriel in a nativity play with full impish glee that the real deal would have been proud of.

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Uhoh things aren't looking good for Jamil D: Asking for peace and love is good, you funky little hippy.

Is Deanchael implying that the Syria insurgency is the route to peace? I honestly don't know enough about the American foreign policy politics to know what sort of stance this is though from a liberal leaning show (I mean come on Bobo is a card-carrying socialist, I've seen it on Twitter :P), though to an outside viewer well aware of how fucked up it all is should this have been said on a British program, this is a vast over-simplification.

But we know Michael's main traits are Likes War and then also Warmonger and of course, spoilin' for a fight. So this may be a personal judgement and as much as they're bringing politics into their show I'm just backing right on out and going with this :P That he thinks it is more honourable to stay and fight and that Jamil is a hypocrite for not sticking around to work for peace actively.

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Oh Jamil hooked up with a woman called Darleen. He is FOR SURE in America.

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It's so funny to me that Deanchael can fly anywhere and they could have set this anywhere but it still ends up being a wooden cabin in the US. This has to turn out to be a lead to follow with a news report about the poor guy or else this is just hysterical that they couldn't be arsed to mock up even a hint of another country :P

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He knew all this about Jamil beforehand so I have to assume he's really just here to drag him.

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Man, that throw was GOOD. I'm assuming they either spent all summer playing with wires and stunts or else they've gone back to the drawing board on all this flinging people around business.

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"A better world" oh we are so on for this World Without Monsters malarky still. This lines up with the clip from Dean they opened on so well - the dark irony of he and Michael working on the same project but from different angles. Dean wants to sort out monsters and bad things so he can go on a beach, aka his version of paradise, and Mikey wants to smush all the sinners, and clean up the planet, which is HIS version of paradise.

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HECKIN GOOD TITLE CARD

now photoshop those wings on everyone

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I LIKE SCRUFFY BULLET MAKER FROM THE AU.

He's like so happy to be in a world where you just casually have resources.

Meanwhile poor Maggie has become the de facto nurse and hates it.

Ugh the Bunker is a place where people just show up who yell "Soup's on!"

In my redshirt betting pool, Soups On is the first guy who dies.

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Promo sceeeeene

I'm so happy Sam and Mary are doing this together. Last season Sam was so upset that Dean got to have a relationship with her, and he had missed out, but without Dean around - no offence to him - Sam and Mary may be focused on FINDING him but this is the work they also need to do for their relationship to start to ground it in something real. It's taken this long with all the separations, but remember that Mary also worked through some of her issues about Sam only last season in the AU with 6 month old Jack. And if she needed that sort of reminder and relationship to warm her up for Sam, her suddenly-grown 6 month old, then there were still a LOT of underlying issues that dated back to the start for her to overcome. Hopefully this puts them on a level playing field, though there's a new conflict brewing for them, with Mary's determined optimism vs Sam's pessimism, born of that depression from last season that never really got treated or resolved, they just managed to power past its current main triggers. Of course now it all just shifts in a Deanward direction.

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I love how Ketch has been punted to London, at Buckleming discretion to drag him back. This wasn't even Bobo punting him out the door, and he and Buckleming have a violent back and forth over favourite characters, started in 9x06 with Bobo's very first episode when he banished Professor Morrison forever.

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MARY TRIES MOMMING SAM TO GO TO BED

THEN SCRUFFY GUN GUY IS LIKE "CHIEF"

Chieeeeeeef.

Sam runs the shooow here and I love it. He's their badass MoL hunter leader, a scruffy saviour from another world.

Given Sam is wearing the same shirt and jacket in the promo pics I'm guessing he does not sleep, though I hope he gets to eat the soup.

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"Maggie can you hack the traffic cams?" "um. no."

I love and support Maggie. She is a normal person who happened to live in apocalypse world and she just wants to flirt with the guy from the Gas n Go who probably hasn't talked to her since that got blown up and Jack attacked him over her... I mean, this is better than the AU world but maybe she just wants to be normal? Did anyone ask Maggie what she wanted??

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SAM. You can eat your soup and run things at the same time! Get back here and eat that soup!

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"yes sir"

Goodness, this is wonderful. Sam's doing what he was born to do, and then not because that was leading a friggin demon army, but then yes because he's got inherent leadership traits that he defers to Dean all the time because, well, he's there, and he's big bro.

Look, sometimes you need big bro to murder Satan's ass for you forever, but you also should be calling the shots. There's a balance here, where Dean can be the older brother, but Sam can be the boss. Work/life balance. Dean's got your back but you command an army of hunters, like we've all been salivating over since like season 8 when they first said the MoL ran the Bunker as the hub of operations dictating stuff to trusted hunters and the like.

Of course, if Sam is the Bobby here, then who is the AUBobby? I hope we see what's up with that soon, I've been wanting them to bristle those beards in an alpha way at each other for months, because AUBobby was their leader before Sam because Sir Chief.

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"Sam."

"i'm good"

*mothering intensifies*

"i'm GOOD"

*mothering intensifies*

"How's Jack"

You aren't used to being mothered and it's murdering me completely to my soul. Dean's got SO MUCH MOTHERING all through the show compared to you. He even sees Jody as a mom friend while you crush on her like crazy so you haven't even got that!!!!

Because Chief Sam is the boss of this lot but at the SAME TIME he's getting all these soft tender mom moments he's never got to have before. It's a wonderful balance of nuances to his current life. He's overworked but surrounded by a supportive care team that respects him, gives him soup, and holds his hand, literally in Mary's case. And yet he's the scruffy macho competent boss who knows how to call all these shots, deputise, set up missions, but still knows more than them, how to do traffic cams, I'm sure years of lore over most of these hunters who only learned to deal with what got thrown at them in the apocalypse by trial and error because when do they get lore books? Mary and Bobby and other pre-apocalypse hunters would be few and far between to offer competent training to a populace suddenly all turned hunter.

-

Oh, AUBobby is beating up Jack. Perfect.

-

AAAH DIRECTED BY TJW

WAS NOT ADEQUATELY HOLDING ONTO SEAT

WARN A GIRL

-

I love finally seeing the training room but I'm deeply conscious that this is where Put Up Your Dukes starts and I can't get that fan fic out my mind so I'm just like, Jack, don't lie on the floor, your dads have banged there.

-

I'm so happy that AUBobby is nurturing a grandson, because this is the difference between him and Bobby - that our Bobby had that with Sam n Dean, but AUBobby never did. Though he DID have Mary Campbell to crush on, I doubt it would have softened him and rounded out the harsh places in his soul the same way raising Sam and Dean did, because he had an unrequited love and she hadn't gotten over John, while this recently widowed Mary Winchester actually has made better progress just because of the circumstances of the loss. Anyways Jack has no preexisting history with Bobby so there's nothing weird about him and AUBobby stepping into a nurturing relationship, that Sam n Dean would find uncomfortable in a way, given their relationship with Bobby. And Jack gets yet another strong figure to teach and guide him.

AUBobby looks slim and stands tall compared to Bobby, which I'm largely putting down to posture, and not being drowned in layers. I like this difference - Bobby almost never voluntarily dressed in 1 layer, but AUBobby has a more military slant, and this training sergeant routine with Jack is a good fit to show a difference in his character, that isn't surly old Bobby behind his desk, that he's involved in teaching Jack to fight, rather than helping hunters with lore and swigging whiskey.

I'd assume given the lack of availability in his AU, he's considerably less alcohol dependant, so this is a very different character thing. If Bobby were doing this training, and nothing else was different, he'd be taking a breather to pour them both a whiskey as he imparts wisdom.

-

Demon in nice shoes and dark sunglasses at night to indicate that yes I am a demon I have black eyes :P I assume this is a demon anyway not just because of this detail but pre-season spoilers

-

Ah hearing Cas's name is enough to make my heart pick up. MY GUY!

But then, "Castiel, darling"

Stop trying to make Good Omens happen, it's not going to happen. You can't just "darling" up to an angel and expect that good good romance. Crowley took years to wear Cas down and Cas never actually LIKED him, down to their last real interaction where Cas was just "WTF???? LEAVE ME TO ROT AND DIE" when Crowley saved him in 12x12

-

God I miss that

-

"Oh god."

Same, buddy.

You do, however, realise this is your first words of the season gifset line, though?

Someone ought to write to Dabb and inform him that people make first and last word gifsets and to be more careful.

Especially if in the last episode at the end of the season, Cas's last word is "Dean"

-

Anyway Cas has said 1 line and I can tell he's on top form. Unlike 10x01 he's in a hipster hogroast joint.

-

This demon, with dark black sunglasses inside at night (douchebag) just ordered a coffee, black. WE GET IT, ENOBY DEMENTIA DARKNESS RAVEN WAY, YOU ARE GOFFIC AND IT'S AS BLACK AS YOUR SOUL

-

LOL Cas is sitting under the JACK'S sign.

Demon douche sits under Schultz, which is the death beer. And lemme tell you, TJW is well-versed in this. So well-versed in it he's sat Cas in front of a classic El Sol flyer with the subtle touch required to tell Dean that Cas is his dream girl. He knows his shit.

-

This seriously seems to be implying that the rise of hipster food joints is an effort from Hell to spread chaos on earth

-

Cas sitting with his back to the fire is such an interesting visual, but this is just a note to self for later to guess what it all means

-

THIS FUCKIN DEMON TOOK  HIS BLACK SUNGLASSES OFF TO SHOW OFF HIS BLACK EYES

Dabb is so good at incidental characters, and making me hate this guy for nuanced nonsensical reasons is amazing. This is... art...

-

This is a callback to 5x08 and Dean ranting about hating procedural cop shows then him and sam taking their sunglasses on and off at night every time they made  a pun and I'm 100% convinced since 12x01 and Cas busting through that Mystery Spot sign that Gabriel has been subtly influencing events

-

Okay so we know exactly what is written on demon bathroom walls. I'm taking that as a sideways confirmation that Cain knew full well that Dean had his Colette because he'd seen crude doodles of them doing it

Anyway douchedemon just outright told Cas that all the demons assume he and Dean in particular are banging. Not that Cas bangs Winchesters, as some have implied, without knowing all the details. They've narrowed this info down.

I assume this is also in the Winchester Dossier that Barthamus studied from before meeting them. I love that demons probably do have a filing cabinet somewhere of all the notable assholes they run into in their work, and the Winchesters take up a whole cabinent, but the refresher file summarising them in a paragraph if you don't have time is like, Sam: Lazy boyking, will stab you. Dean: fucking Castiel, will stab you.

-

Cas doesn't even move an eyebrow. Incredible.

-

Cas rarely gets hit with these compared to Dean in the history of the show, and Dean is full of bluster or anger or confusion or alarmed eyebrows. Cas is like... no. fuck you. i'm party!Cas, I have my shit in order.

Though this is from a demon. It's an entirely different thing when Heaven is involved, as they also have their dossier on the winchesters.

Sam: abomination. will banish you. Dean: fucking Castiel. Will stab you.

-

*loud coffee slurp* "what's in it for moi?

Cas, stab him. Stab him now. This is not worth the information. You can find another guy.

-

I'm starting to think Cas with his back to the flames is his unwitting danger from this hellish hogroast place.

-

They use Shultz beer containers to hold the sauces and menus on the table. DEEEEATH

-

Cas speaking slower and threatening to burn him to ash "right here and right now"

this is a gifset that will get a lot of notes from thirsty Cas fans

-

Whaaaaaaaa the entire joint turned out to be owned by and filled with demons who would ever have guessed based on one open fire and that metal hogs head from the promo pics :P

-

Stop hurting him!!!! Misha can't stage fight! This is really unfair!!

I wonder how the poor new awesome fight coordinator took to Misha

"let's just... um..." "hide him behind all these demons?" TJW suggests The fight guy nods sadly.

-

Aww Sister Jo got back to work. Good for her.

-

Sister Jo has no fear and can stroll down a shady alley counting her money

*t-shirt meme* One fear: *flappy wing noises*

"Hey Jo."

-

GHOLY SHIT TRUE FORMS TYHUEOJDSHGFSH DS TRUE FORMS WE SEE WHAT ANGELS SEEE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SCIENCE HAS CAUGH T UP TO THE DIVINE, SPN CAN FINALL Y SHOW US WHAT ANGELS SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-

Holy shit I want the gif of this as my blog header. That's shitting amazing.

-

Burning HALO

ALL HIS CHI POINTS LIT UP EVEN WHEN IT MAKES IT LOOK SILLY TO HAVE HIS CALVES GLOWING

-

I wonder if this is what Danneel sees when she looks at Jensen all the time

-

"Why would he say yes to you?"

"Love"

I'm dying and I am dead. I gather that Dean is 100% absent from this episode, but that one comment puts him front and centre and I am in paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Everything happening around Michael and because of Michael is because Dean loves his peeps. From Sam staying up hacking traffic cams on vampires to Cas getting his ass handed to him by demons.

-

I bet Cas looks like that single glowstick he had on in the cave when angels look at him.

-

Party!Cas

-

I ruined the fun

-

Jensen gently touches Danneel's face and that's just rude because that's all his tenderness for his wife being turned into a scary villain move between Deanchael and Jo. Don't do this to them!!!

-

Oooof Deanchael pulls from Dean's memory of Anael about what she was like, describing her in the most Cas-like terms, then cuts through her hilarious bull about wanting handbags (this is so meta about sticking middle fingers in the faces of people who think she's a well-paid beard) and then starts telling her she wants love and a family.

Deanchael has used the word "love" twice in a scene and it's horrifying to see the word come out of his face, when Dean is so guarded. Now Deanchael is just looking through Sister Jo and analysing what she wants - and she's playing this game very well but this move of his might still beat her. Because ow. Telling her she wants belonging and family. When she's very much established as a Cas mirror by the reminder she ran away from Heaven and doesn't want to play by their rules.

"It's very, very human of you. And so disappointing." Did all those times Lucifer sucked her grace bring her close to feeling it? To the point of permanent damage? I only ask because I know another guy this might apply to.

-

I wonder how much Deanchael is projecting based on conjectures because he knows Cas through Dean's eyes.

-

"But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things..." Ya, that's Cas too for suresies

-

SAM AND JACK SAM AND JACK

Jack sitting quietly in meditation, clearly unsettled. A parallel to 13x23 when Dean came rushing in to him having a nightmare, now Sam is having a crack at parenting the boy.

-

Jack lying about how things were fine. Nougat. Hon. You're human now. But not that good at being human. Sam knows your tells :P

-

Sam interrupted mid pep-talk by Mary with some nonsense.

Jack is always so ugh... accepting and kinda flippant. He knows parental figures can be disappointing and get dragged away mid peptalk by some business.

Which he's apparently not involved in. I guess after we see him going on hunts with them in 13x23, he's grounded until he goes through basic training so not only is he useless to help with his powers to find Dean, but he can't even do the easy hunter stuff because he's just a kid.

-

Aww my poor baby Nougat :( He's so angsty. He's a TEEN. Lookit him! All growed up!

-

Uuugh I guess this is Nick. "I didn't talk to him. I can barely look at him."

What I'm getting from this sequence mainly is the sound of Triss's rage at the Bunker layout.

-

*Mary pats Sam's shoulder supportively and walks off*

You're on your own, Chief.

-

Ugh I am not ready for this bull if it's Nick but I have to keep watching to be sure :P

-

Ew it is. EW. What does Mark P HAVE on you all.

At least TJW is shooting the heck out of this to show us how gross Sam finds this all.

Sam's shadow falling over Nick.

I really want to know how this bullshit happened. And yet. No, not really.

-

Oh gross AND they're making Mark P take off his shirt. The nipple I didn't want to see in the Road So Far was not warning enough.

Pre-season ugh speculation was that whatever Crowley did to Nick made him stronger and more permanent apparently even than Lucifer being stabbed out of him.

-

So yeah anyway I guess Jack is in part also sulking about this and I'm with him, because Sam being pulled away from their pep talk time to deal with Gross Man Associated With My Father But Not Actually Him Because Biologically I Am The Son Of A Non-Historical President...

-

Making Sam the one who has to care for Nick is utterly cruel. He has so many deputies. Maybe this is just his personal fear that Nick's still a bit Lucifery. Maybe he just sees this as a gross burden, a manifestation of the ongoing trauma from Lucifer, that even when he's dead he lingers.

-

Plus, it's giving us some reassurance that an angel can be ousted from a vessel without killing them, to throw some options into the Deanchael pot.

-

Still. Nick. Really.

-

I bet Jack is sulking because some little cosmic part of him regenerating deep down in his core, that one lil gold glowy chi point in his big toe, knows that Eugenie forgot his name at SDCC and called him "Nick" and this shit from your creator just weighs on you. Jack is an entity beyond Buckleming and yet born from them, and this is what they beget: forgetting their own child in favour of this old carcass.

-

bitter? moi? *sips coffee noisily*

-

Actually, that's not true but I need some tea because I'm sulky so I'm taking this ragebreak to go make some and then I will sip it noisily in Nick's direction. :P

-

Everything henceforth is under the jurisdiction of hot drink no.2

-

"I don't understand how Lucifer could die and I could live"

I hate you

Eurgh, I bet you anything Dabb pulled a Buckleming and just took the post-it note they gave him when he asked, er, HOW does this happen? and transliterated it into dialogue because 1: all the writers shade Buckleming all the time because I can literally see it ooze out of Perez and Yockey and Bobo's writing but this is the showrunner, guyses. 2: it's such a dumbass convoluted explanation that it only burns out the archangel but if you non-fatally stab it then the guy is fine.

Which begs the question of how the fuck is Gabriel because if we get anything good from this, that fucker is in one hell of an interesting vessel situation compared to Old Nick.

-

PS: I am not sure how culturally saturated this is so we are all clear that Old Nick is a historically used name for Satan and his name has been a joke since 5x01 thanks to Kripke, and now we have to actually deal with that.

-

And then Nick is actually sympathetic to how Sam feels looking at him. I guess Mark P really wants us to feel sympathetic to his new dude.

-

"And Michael... did he tell Lucifer anything about his plan?"

Listen, we NEED acknowledgement that for a month or so Lucifer and AUMichael roadtripped together to assemble from their AU the key of solomon, the fruit of the tree of life, and the blood of a most holy man.

There was a lengthy downtime while people settled in and Dean was allowed to think the Good Times were rolling, and all that time, the weirdest brother roadtrip show ever was going on in the AU, mad enough that I would actually find it hilarious to watch despite enduring Mark P as a result of it.

-

SAM DOES NOT DESERVE THIS

He's not allowed to rest, ever.

-

I bet this is douchdemon phoning him from Cas's phone.

-

"Hello Sam!" says a perky voice down the phone. It's INCREDIBLE how unlikeable this demon is making himself. He's actually my favourite character now.

-

Oh no, Nougat is wearing a different grey shirt. He's really depressed. Someone help him.

-

"He just told you he was a demon?" "he seemed proud of it too"

Sam hates him as well. I can't wait for Sam to come scowl at him.

-

"What do we do?" Maggie asks, completely wide-eyed. Oh honey. Poor, innocent, sheltered Maggie. What were you doing all apocalypse until we caught up with you? You aren't hardened, you're adorable.

-

AUBobby and Rufus (his gun)

-

"I'm coming too!" YAY JACK. Your father is in trouble, he's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days, but what a different world all the rest is

-

"I'm not as strong, but I can help," he says, looking tiny beside Sam, bruised up from AUBobby's training, a single layer to make him look even smaller...

(we do not talk enough about how all these jackets are a sort of alpha being shoulder plumping thing like when you make yourself look huge to scare off a mountain lion but that's 100% what this is)

IT MADE JACK SMILE yey he's allowed to feel useful! Pop is allowing him to go on a mission to rescue Dad who was looking for Papa when this all went down.

Grandpapa is not so pleased, because AUBobby has been measuring how useful Jack is and I feel like lil Nougat bab is going to do something mildly heroic for Cas or else get pasted for his ongoing character development for the season...

-

"He needs this, Bobby."

-

Dear LORD does he not quit? We don't even know his name? "Are you sure I can't get you anything... hot... or black?" FUck OFF

No wonder by the promo pic Cas looked so utterly done. This is exhaustingly annoying for him. Cas's personal hell is just irritating people. A line of Crowleys and Lucifers and this jerkwad chattering at him.

-

And yet Dean runs his mouth all the time and Cas is in luuuurve

-

Oh lordy are we really doing this coffee metaphor now? "Coffee has no effect on me" (but he once acquired the taste, and it was a core part of him being human and learning to human in the opening shot of 9x06 for him as his metaphor for how he was learning)

"me either *sluuuurp* not any more. But it's like saltwater taffy or infants. I just like the taste."

-

"I'm just being a good host like mother would have wanted"

Cas stops mid eyeroll to eyeroll HARDER at meeting ANOTHER demon with mommy issues. Like, please. Don't. I like Rowena now but can we NOT.

-

Party!Cas of Dabb era is my favourite iteration of Cas by a country mile.

-

"Why are you using me as bait?" "it's kind of what you're for"

Oh Cas. Now he's just the damsel in distress, which I guess is a step up from being an attack dog, but still isn't that great for the ego stroking about his role and use within the Winchester family, an ongoing source of stress for him, this reminds us.

-

Cas's faith in Sam is wonderful. like, as soon as douchmon says he needs something from Sam, Cas just SMIRKS like, OH BUDDY. BUDDDYYY. No, I'm not gonna say it. I'm just - "you think he'd make a deal with you?" I'm ... I don't laugh as a rule but inside? Hilarious.

-

"Somebody asked me what it was that I wanted" You know, I think Deanchael is INCITING people. he's not killing any of them, just using the revelation of his appearance to motivate them - moving Sister Jo to do what she wants, which is to re-organise Heaven with the ideas she had as a button pushing functionary... visiting world leaders and holy men, and this douche...

To what end, though? Chaos? This is a roundabout way to make a better world.

-

"Destroying, Drinking, Defiling, you know, the 3 Ds" they absolutely have posters up in Hell with this on for the newbies to learn.

-

We've seen Heaven's staffroom, I DEMAND to see the break room in Hell, with all its lurid Destiel smut doodled on the walls and so on

-

Anyway it's a hell of a question, pun intended, because demons have no real purpose, even the named baddies have largely been slaves to someone else's will (Lucifer or Crowley) and Crowley could not have answered that question from the start of season 6 through to the moment he chose to sacrifice himself... I don't think any of TFW 2.0 or Bunker Squad could answer it fully. Cas can't, and that's the question that's been bugging him since 9x06 -

EPHRAIM Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away.

CASTIEL I want to live.

EPHRAIM But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

and it's what his entire crisis in season 10 was over... Who ARE you Castiel? What do you WANT?

-

Dean wants a Beach Vacation Ending. He figured it out and as narrative punishment, he's Deanchael. No one else has sorted it out, though, but Sam got close - he had his pizza dream and was immediately punished with being eaten by vampires and resurrected by Lucifer and all that drama... Sam's work isn't done. Though his growth has taken a huge leap, now he has to figure out what he wants in this NEW setting, and we're only just MEETING Chief Sam in this iteration, so he's got a lot of work to do.

-

"I gave it a good think and I worked out exactly what I wanted. Everything."

Deanchael definitely is planning for this, so watch out buddy.

-

SAM DRIVING, MOM IN SHOTGUN

RED ALERT

-

Uhoh Sam's snapped because of the optimism Mary exudes. Yep, he really was nearly at the last straw in their earlier convo when he scoffed at her attempts to cheer him up.

Look, she's trying to mom you with no experience except adopting Jack. Work with her.

-

Sam is spiralling with the depression, this time all the bad things that could have happened to Dean and how they're never going to find him, throwing these horrible scenarios at Mary to stop her trying to comfort him.

-

"I know. I know he's out there, scared and alone." She sees lil 4 year old Dean. Because, I mean, that is the soul Dean bears to her when they have moments sometimes. And her optimism is a wall against thinking of her toddler in this scenario.

"I know. I know he might not come back. Never think I don't know that. But I can't - I have to think about the good, Sam. Because if I don't, I will drown in the bad." I wonder who that directly relates to who is currently driving this car.

I really hope this is a bit of vindication for Mary - or redemption to the eyes of the people who don't like her - that she does care, and she's spelling out her approach to all this. In the start of season 12 when she was trying to keep afloat she used a lot of optimism and furious paddling on the surface, because she has been doing that her whole life. When she was being raised a hunter, when she was a housewife with no clue what she was doing, a mom but he marriage beginning to fall apart... And then thrust into the present day, and it's 360 degrees of combat and loss and sadness and a ill-advised hook up with Ketch... Furious doggy paddling on the surface.

"For Dean's sake, I can't do that. We can't do that." And she shows that she is prioritising Dean, that she's driven and motivated to keep going FOR him.

Come on, give her a chance.

-

Nyooom.

-

Meanwhile in the Jack and Bobby truck, Jack is the one angsting and Bobby is the one driving.

Jack is one years old and not legally old enough to drive.

-

Bobby peptalks him with the reminder that when Jack had his grace he did hero things for these people, which is why he can ride shotgun, and even if he feels useless now, they'll have his back, that he has earned this squad even if he can't be as awesome as he used to.

-

Maggie is like, I'm getting a reaction shot... Am I going to develop feelings for Jack? That would be super weird, he's one years old. I hope no one is implying this even though I'm in a bunch of scenes getting character focus.

-

Eeeeeeee Sam trusts Mary with the demon killing knife. I am sure they don't call it Ruby's knife to her and he has never, ever told her about that time that thing happened with Ruby.

-

This fucker had his back turned for Sam to enter just so he could turn around dramatically. God he's repellent.

-

An extra was hired to pat Sam down. What a job.

-

"The shoulders. The hair! You are my Beyonce!" I mean, same. Except. Cas is Agent Beyonce so this fuckhead has totally misread this situation.

This gives Sam a moment to look over at Cas and Cas silently says, yes I know he's a total fuckhead, I've been dealing with this all day. I'm so sorry bro, can you just stab him so we can go home and follow a different lead. I don't even care what this one knows, I can't handle him another minute.

-

"I'm more embarrassed than I am hurt" I understand this to my core, and I'm so sorry, Cas.

-

"Kipling. Kip for short."

"Cool. Kip. I'm here." Sam being exactly as "fuck you" as I wanted towards Kip.

Sam is now standing with his head in an El Sol sign. TJW what are you up to bud?

-

Oh no Jack and Maggie got caught skulking. Sam and Cas have the same "my boy!" reaction when they see Cas.

Maggie is here too, you monsters.

But Kip has missed Mary and AUBobby

-

"It's just late capitalism, you understand" Yeah, and fuck you Kip.

-

How is Kip so irritating that he can make tapping a stool somehow the most obnoxious thing a man could do? He's WONDERFULLY well-cast. I love this actor. He's chewing scenery and it's incredible.

-

"What do you want?" Ow, Sam being twisted into asking the same thing Deanchael asked Kip

-

"Ass-modeus Kentucky Fried" listen you are still the worst but that drew a sympathetic smile and I hate it and I hate you.

-

Oh, Sam just Sammed something from that side glance, random demon side-eye. Oooh. Oooooooh.

But yeah, Kip asking for the "Crowley Deal" as if it's a package that can be bought from the Winchesters, and not something that Crowley wormed his way into via much back and forth power plays and drama. The Winchester have always had a back and forth with Hell, and since Crowley there have been a lot of demons, like Bart, trying to figure out what exactly it WAS that they all had. But someone has to be in charge, and the Winchesters are the top dog destined hunters with their fingers  in all the world-saving pies, so clashes come naturally. Approaching them like this, first Bart, now this douchenozzle, is meta, presumptuous, overstepping what builds naturally... An attempt to leapfrog to the end where the equilibrium is established.

But Crowley had time to build a long game. These new pretenders are working in a world where the Winchesters' actions have devastated Heaven and Hell alike, and are, like Mary, just trying to keep afloat on the whole thing.

"We never gave Crowley that deal." Because yes, that's how it seemed to play out, and from outsider eyes that's how it may have looked... But each and every interaction came about naturally through the plot, there was no wrangling it. That's just how the Winchesters and Crowley ended up.

And that hole can't be filled by someone just leaping into the chair and asking for it.

Though it is nice if Motown Meats is the new seat of Hell on Earth instead of the outdated exterior asylum interior castle dungeon look Crowley set up.

-

"You're no Crowley. I know that. So do they." I think that was what Sam Sammed out of the demons, and also true, and ALSO is this the boyking accidentally exerting himself, knowing what's good for Hell? I always get a lil tingle in my thumbs when Sam gets too involved in knowing what's up with Hell.

-

Holy shit Kipling was a Mongolian warlord who rode with Genghis Khan in life. PLEASE survive this episode, I want to hate you all season. PLEAAAASE I BEG YOU.

-

Oh my god this insecure whinging asshole, chowing down on the scenery like there's no tomorrow. "I'D EAT YOUR HEART" *turns to weepy and quiet* "before I show you who I really am..."

This is Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending levels of scenery eating. He's gonna pick up a barstool and take a bite out of it now.

-

Sam is doing this all unarmed, which is something to remember, because this is the fucker who talked his way into killing the Alpha Vamp while MOSTLY unarmed for a majority of that chat.

-

Sam Fucking Winchester.

-

AUBOBBY AND RUFUS!!!!

Also mary.

-

But AUBobby gets a slow mo for Rufus shooting demons.

-

HOLY SHIT MARY'S SLOW MO

I am pregnant

-

MARY THROWING SAM THE KNIFE

-

TJW was like this fight is too fast, my guy. We need to slow it down.  You're so good at your job no one's gonna see what happened unless we go slow mo.

he and the fight guy high five

-

"Aw, balls."

Hey, Nougat tried. He's got a squishy hero centre.

Looks like he weighs nothing and now he's human he goes down in one punch. Owie.

-

"Here take this. You know how to use it?" "Uh! Stab them with the pointy end!?" "pretty much"

Maggie you precious girl why are you HERE. Why is Soups On or Gnarly Gun Guy not here?

-

Cas you fucking damsel in distress

-

Fight guy is like "uuuuh do I have to"

Misha is like "I'm good here, tbh"

-

SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER

(Aw, Kip's dead, he was fun)

-

"ENOUGH"

YES SIR

-

"There will be NO NEW KING OF HELL"

You are gonna get demon minions like fucking ducklings you ass

-

"Not ever. And if anyone wants the job, you can come through me" Sam is technically immortal so long as Rowena is alive and vice versa you know. Also, how long is he planning on defending Hell? Ever?

I'm stalling from how much I have to scream about how badass Sam was throwing down that declaration that he's now essentially the trial a pretender to the throne has to pass to take the job.

Because if I was a demon... FUCK NO would I want to tangle with this fucker.

-

Sam's file, updated: Current King Of Hell. Will Kill You. AVOID.

-

Sam is fucking terrifying. I love it. He scared demons out of their meatsuits. Sam walking into a room is now a reason to eject and abort mission. God. This guy.

-

Remember in season 1 when demons were scary? Oo er this isn't our sort of thing... halp.

Now Sam looks them in the eye and is like, fuck off. I'm scarier than any of you.

-

"That's what I thought"

Cas is literally giving you the reverse look of in 4x16 when you marched in and fried Alastair's brain.

-

SAM GOT A NEW SHIRT thank god.

I should amend: he did all this wearing blue plaid with orange stripes.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

The BMoL definitely didn't have the right birth certificate because that's his legal middle name.

-

Sam n Caaaaas my GUYS. I hope this is the 10x01 convo but, like, not. Flip flip flip those pancakes, Dabb my guy.

-

Cas, hon, you're still so beat up you have blood trails coming out of your nose. There's not really caring about your meatsuit because it heals eventually, but there's also washing your fucking face, because Sam's had time to change his shirt and get a beer so what were you doing?

-

Probably staring at a picture of Dean on his phone and sighing.

-

Anyway he's here to ask how Sam is, rather than care about himself. Symbolism.

"I've been better. And worse." Worse is 10x01.

Or 4x10's flashbacks. For sure those are the worstest.

Though, this time you are the king of hell and you're wearing a dark shirt and I don't think you have thought this through.

-

The most well-meaning accidental king of hell ever.

-

Sam and Cas share the "to find Dean I'd do anything" look. Be CAREFUL. Cas is literally choosing to wear hubris on his face because he feels bad about his fuck up with going to Kip.

-

Mary! Casual Mary chilling in the kitchen!!

Although, with everyone in the bunker, these rooms are taking on different meanings. The people are chasing out the heavy shadows and ghosts of all the oppressive silences Sam and Dean have filled these corners with.

-

Aw it's Mary and AUBobby. I was half-hoping we'd have her giving beer to Jack, but I guess we need to set up the forward momentum on their relationship for this season.

"Not bad today, old man." "you too, Sunshine."

You do realise that Mary is sitting in the exact same spot as where Dean was when he called Cas "Sunshine" You do know that right I mean you KNOW? This is TJW, he knows. He's a Destiel Shipper of the highest order.

-

Cas pops in on Jack, staring at his busted up face in a mirror, now filling more Winchester angst tropes to make up for lost time. "I'm fine," he says without being asked.  Because 10x01 or 10x02 was where Cas defined "fine" for Hannah and explained to her it's what humans say when things are really not fine but they can't admit it.

-

"You did well." "All I did was get punched. In the face."

I love snarky teen Jack.

"To be fair, we all got punched in the face," Cas says, still covered in hubris.

He has a POINT. He has full right to pull the "I should feel more useless than you" card on Jack.

-

Jack doing the "i'm useless" thing that Cas had to go through when he lost his grace, and Jack was allowed to stay in the Bunker. Is this how Cas would have felt had he not been kicked out?

-

Jack says Michael's out there and he still feels responsible to stop him. There's a very, very very very ver very weird Hamlet vibe from Jack, being forced into a position of emotional responsibility to kill his uncle, but Cas is his once dead now back and not a ghost father, and Jack couldn't kill Michael and so Dean got possessed... I mean, it's not a neat overlay, but Jack wants to kill an uncle, an AUncle, and I feel like in terms of uncle-killing narratives, AU Michael making off with Dean fits about as well to Hamlet's uncle marrying his mom as we're gonna get... I'd love to see how this shapes out because these family narratives since season 11 are becoming deeply shakespearean in the amount of nonsense going on. This sort of supernatural drama is a modern world way to have this kind of heightened emotion and the stakes you find in Shakespearean tragedies, and to force the sorts of reflection on the world and self... I really really dig it. Watching season 13 yesterday really hit me with this feeling all over and I'm delighted that Jack has this arc because I'm so amused/interested to see where this weirdo Hamlet parallel goes for him.

-

"I don't have anything." "Oh Jack" thanks Cas that's what I said out loud "you have me. You have all of us. You have your family." *SHOULDER GRASP*

No hug. Fuck off Cas, with your reassuring shoulder grasps. I know that's the language you've been taught but Dabb era is hug era and you suck.

-

I love that with all of Sam and Mary's doubt and Jack's lack of self worth, it's down to CAS. CASTIEL. CASTIEL WINCHESTER. CASTIEL FUCKING WINCHESTER. PARTY!CAS. to give the actual pep talk of the episode which has ANY conviction behind it. Cas has been fuelled with something MAGNIFICENT since the Empty, and he's turned it up to 11 for Jack here :')

-

Jack makes the smallest smile, then turns back to his mirror.

-

Sam opening the door to his bedroom, framed in darkness. 10x01 parallels again - this shot as well as the demon dean one were repeated a few times through the 3 episode arc, and the demon dean one became iconic but Sam did it too, to Dean's room. Now he goes into his own... empties his pockets... he still has the fucking engraved money clip from Tall Tales because Gabriel is not only not dead but telling this entire story for us... He has the phone, that's off, because Dean is not there, not communicating with him, blah blah. And he has the keys to the Impala. Because he's the chief.

Well, the King of Hell. Damn, it took 14 years to get him there. Azazel is fucking spinning in his grave.

-

Ooh, phonecall! Is it Deanchael? "What do you want?"

Nope, it's Sister Jo! :D She's been standing there ALL NIGHT weighing her options and working out what she wants.

SPIN THAT CHAOS, DEANCHAEL.

-

Deanchael approaches a vampire, and it's that purity of Purgatory, that just wanna eat that fuelled so much of the badass stuff in season 7 with the Leviathan, everything Dean's struggled with when it comes to the black and white world of killing monsters no problem that dates back to Gordon in 2x03, that draws Deanchael to them. Because this is Dean's safe space with Benny, a real relationship based on a bond forged in pure, kill or be killed, eat or be eaten purgatory. Deanchael has the same inner machinery as Dean, because Michael is the worst version of Dean, engineered to be Dean but without love. Dean as a monster. And so it all leads here... D:

-

Well this will be fun :D

[ani-not]

Vampire Knight, or AKA how to piss off half or most of your fanbase

Warning: Gore, LOTS OF Incest, weird subtext, Suicide mentions, Stupidity, Lots of terrible anime cliches, 

Rating: 2 /10

Episodes: 26 Episodes (2 seasons)

Dub or Sub: Does it really matter tho Vic Mignona as Zero really does make it at least somewhat bearable even if he’s a piece of shit.

Opening and Ending Themes: S1 Opening: 2/10. Bland.  S1 Ending: 6/10. The S1 ending definitely captures the tone of what the series is going for. S2 Opening: 4/10. Better than the S1 opening, closer to the aesthetic but still kinda eh. S2 Ending: 5/10. It’s alright. It fits into the context but it’s reaching. 

Pacing; SLOOOOOOOOOW. slow as fuck like I literally die because it’s so slow help me I can’t believe there’s 26 episodes of this I feel like I could watch like 100 episodes of Inuyasha in the spans of 1 episode of VK. 

Concept: Yuki goes to a school that’s got humans and vampires, which doesn’t make any sense because the thing about vampires is that they’re the same age forever why the fuck would they need to go to school america explain!! but she’s one of the only people who knows there’s vampires because she’s “the headmaster’s daughter” and has gotta protect the stupid humans and also a love triangle that ends stupidly. This is your basic bitch of vampire teen romance that was popular at the exact time teen vampires were popular and then ended extremely grossly. 

-----Spoilers Below You’ve been warned---------

First of all. 

Let’s introduce our main 3 characters. 

Yuki Cross Kuran: An amnesiac idiot. Classic dopey Helpless Damsel. She was trained how to fight against vampires and she does all these cool jumps and stuff but every single time she’s in trouble, she needs to get rescued. She looks EXACTLY like the Vampire Class President Kaname, but no one brings it up ever. I don’t hate her, but she does get annoying at points. Apparently, when she 5 years old, she was wandering around alone with no memories, was almost attacked by a vampire and then was rescued by TEENAGE Kaname, and she’s looked up to and liked him ever since. She does have that ‘I believe there can be good in anyone’ charisma that I’ve liked in other characters, but it’s done very poorly here. She wants to bond and become closer to Zero and knows that his family was murdered, but doesn’t understand that boundaries are a thing and need to be respected especially with someone who was traumatized like Zero. She’s actually a pure blood vampire and Kaname’s younger BLOOD RELATED sister who ‘was born to be Kaname’s wife.’ Her mother died in the process of sealing yuki’s powers and memories away to make her human for awhile. 

Zero Kiryu: THE ONLY RESPECTABLE CHARACTER. IN THIS HOUSE WE ONLY STAND WITH ZERO KIRYU, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE SHOW OR SERIES CAN FUCKING PERISH. HIS VAMPIRE SLAYING FAMILY WAS MURDERED BY A VAMPIRE. HATES VAMPIRES. WANTS THEM DEAD. VALID. VALID BOY. HE WAS TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE BY A PUREBLOOD VAMPIRE AND HE HAS TO DRINK BLOOD AND HE HATES IT. HAS A LOT OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND PTSD AND ANGER AND FEAR BECAUSE HIS FAMILY WAS MURDERED. BY A VAMPIRE. AND HE WILL END UP BECOMING A MINDLESS VAMPIRE. AND NOW HE’S FORCED TO PROTECT VAMPIRES. LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL HIMSELF OR WANTS TO DIE BEFORE THAT HAPPENS. HE HAS A VALID SOFT SPOT FOR YUKI BECAUSE THEY GREW UP TOGETHER AND SHE WAS HIS FIRST AND ONLY TRUE FRIEND AFTER HIS FAMILY WAS MURDERED. BY VAMPIRES. WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS THAT THE HEADMASTER IS A FUCKING DICK. DOESN’T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS SHITTY ANIME. 

Kaname Kuran: A gross incestuous CREEP. HE NASTY. MANIPULATIVE CREEP. THIS IS BASICALLY ME EVERYTIME HE’S ONSCREEN.  HE’S A PUREBLOODED VAMPIRE????WHICH MEANS HE’S TOP OF THE CHARTs?? AND OP I GUESS??/ A MJAOR DOUCHEBAG- ALSO KNOWS THAT ZERO’S FAMILY WAS SLAUGHTERED BY A PUREBLOOD VAMPIRE AND KNOWS ZERO WILL BECOME A VAMPIRE AND STILL TAUNTS HIM ABOUT HOW HE’S BECOMING A BLOODTHIRSTY BEAST AND EVEN ALLOWS THE VAMPIRE THAT KILLED ZERO’S FAMILY TO COME WRECK HAVOC AT THE ACADEMY WHEN HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE KEEPING PEACE. CREEPS ON YUKI LITERALLY ALL THE TIME SINCE SHE WAS A KID. ALL THE OTHER VAMPS WOULD LITERALLY JUMP HIS BONES IF HE ASKED BUT DECIDES TO CREEP ON HIS SISTER INSTEAD. LITERALLY HAS BEEN THE ONE KEEPING HER IN THE DARK ABOUT HER PAST THE WHOLE TIME, 

The concept in greater detail: 

The Headmaster, Yuki’s adopted father, Kaen Cross, wants Vampires and Humans to get along. 

Apparently, in this world, Humans and Vampires are separate races, and vampires can make vampire babies, but they also can still turn humans into vampires, and the Vampire babies can still grow and mature??? And be teenagers, except Kaname but we’ll get to him in a minute. Anyway, so since his school has both humans and vampires, he enlists his own children, Yuki, and Zero, his other adopted child, WHO’S FAMILY WAS MURDERED BY VAMPIRES, to keep the humans separate from the vampires, because the humans are stupid and don’t know that the night class(Vampire Class) are in fact, vampires. And on top of that, both Zero and Yuki have to attend Day classes, and then patrol the nights to protect the humans, so they literally get no sleep whatsoever and wow, Child labor and Negligence. Let these kids sleep goddamn

Season 1 in a nutshell:

Okay, Season 1 basically sets up the story and characters and background in a really slow weird pace, like usually in the first episode of an anime you’d set up with short descriptions of the main characters and then later on delve into their aspects and motivations, they barely do that here and also you get the context of the plot in the first couple of episodes, this takes like half the season to fully unleash all the characters and background which makes it easily forgettable, like I just watched it and I’m still like- why is this a thing- oh- oh okay- uh huh- weird? not gonna explain until 10 episodes later? okay. 

Also I shit you not, once they finally get into Zero’s background and backstory more, the vampire that killed Zero’s family, turned him into a vampire and kidnapped his twin brother which I guess is now a thing??????? is back with his twin brother, who ‘always secretly hated’ Zero and always wanted him and their family dead’ and not only does the Headmaster get weird senses about her infiltrating the school as a student, but FUCKING Kaname knows RIGHT OFF THE BAT, WHO THE FUCK SHE IS, WHAT THE FUCK SHE DID, AND LETS HER FUCK AROUND WITH ZERO UNTIL KANAME KILLS HER, STEALS HER POWERS AND THEN PINS HER MURDER ON ZERO. THUS LEAVING ZERO AS A SCAPEGOAT FOR THE WEIRD TWILIGHT? VAMPIRE? ASSOCIATION? TO GET PISSED AT AND TRY TO KILL BECAUSE SHE WAS A ‘PURE VAMPIRE’  AND EVEN YUKI’S LIKE- ‘SAY HE DIDN’T DO IT KANAME’ AND KANAME GIVES HER THIS LOOK THAT’S LIKE ‘I KNOW HE DIDN’T CAUSE I DID BUT I’M NOT GONNA SAY IT BC I’M STILL CREEPING ON YOU’ 

AND ZERO’S THIS CLOSE TO LITERALLY LOSING HIS MIND AND KANAME REALIZING THAT ZERO’S THE ONE THAT’S BEEN PROTECTING ‘HIS PRECIOUS YUKI’ THIS WHOLE TIME, DECIDES TO FORCE HIM TO DRINK HIS OWN BLOOD TO KEEP HIM FROM BECOMING A COMPLETE MONSTER. 

Also let’s talk about Zero’s convenient, cliche and weird twin brother Ichiru.

Okay, for Ichiru, he’s kind of...all over the place. But I’ll try to condense it down. 

Remember how I said Vic Mignona being Zero’s voice actor helped make this show bearable? Well, they used Vic AGAIN for Ichiru, because??? he’s??/ his twin??? i guess??? Listen, Not every set of identical twins are going to have the same voice too??? and it’s really??? kind of like- kills what Vic has going for Zero. Take for instance, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin from Ouran High School Host Club

There’s enough difference to tell them apart as people but same enough that they sound related instead of sounding like weird clones. 

Now listen to this clip from VK dubbed

It sounds like Zero is just talking to himself in the mirror. He does do Ichiru’s voice a little lighter and Zero’s heavier, but there’s barely any distinction and it’s just ugh. Using him as both Zero and Ichiru is just lazy.

So, Ichiru hated Zero and their family because he was born weak and easily to fall to illness within a family of vampire killers so he felt that they hated him because of it, and that wasn’t the case at all, and was the one to lead the pureblood vampire to his home to slaughter his family, then left with her to become stronger by being her servant and drinking her blood. But she won’t drink his bc he’s too obedient and likes Zero more because Zero fights her will with everything he has. And Ichiru is a jealous lil bitch because I guess Zero gets all the attention even though he really doesn’t/ doesn’t want it and thinks it’s Zero’s fault that his life is this way. 

Season 2 in a nutshell:

Things are FINALLY getting revealed. So, the reason Yuki was brought to the headmaster was that her parents (WHO WERE ALSO SIBLINGS WHO DECIDED TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS BC PUREBLOODS GR O SS) WERE KILLED BY THEIR EVIL OLDER BROTHER WHO WAS COMING FOR YUKI AND SO KANAME BEING HER ELDER BROTHER STOPPED HIM, AND BROUGHT YUKI TO THE HEADMASTER SO THAT SHE COULD LIVE NORMALLY AS A HUMAN UNTIL SHE WAS FRESHLY COOKED ENOUGH TO BECOME HIS GROSS BRIDE/LOVER/WIFE AND LIVE AS A PUREBLOOD VAMP AGAIN, AND YUKI IS TOTALLY INTO IT???? AND SHE SAYS SHIT LIKE “IT’S SO FUNNY THAT I’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH MY BROTHER THIS WHOLE TIME.’ AND KANAME’S LIKE ‘WHY IS IT FUNNY? WE’RE PUREBLOOD ARISTOCRATS AND IT’S NOT LIKE WE’RE HUMANS LOLOL’ LIKE NO- N O THAT STILL DOESN’T MAKE IT OKAY. 

Also the headmaster was vampire hunter previously and killed a ton of them before was like ‘lol this ain’t the life for me anymore’ which. I can get. I really can. But also, can you just not. “I stopped being a vampire hunter bc I thought that’d be like rejected Yuki and Zero” 

Also now that Yuki is revealed and unsealed as a pure blood vampire all the other vampires are worshiping her like they do Kaname and it’s weird as hell.

Kaname is also manipulating her again, saying that when she wants to protect something she cares about it hurts him. 

also i guess kaname also has been using zero the entire time to make him the strongest vampire hunter in the world and is going to send him to kill the vampire that killed kaname & yuki’s parents and who is also now after Yuki because he wants to eat her and sap her power i guess.

i hate this show so much

but I still love ze-

AND ZERO JUST GOT FUCKING SHOT IN THE HEART BY HIS GODDAMN TWIN GOD FUCKING DAMMIT

APPARENTLY ICHIRU WAS SO WEAK WAS BC ZERO TOOK SOME OF HIS BROTHER’S POWER WHEN THEY WERE IN THEIR MUM’S WOMB LIKE THAT’S??? NOT HIS FAULT??? W H Y ARE YOU DOING THIS??? AND ZERO LEARNING THIS- JUST WANTS HIS BROTHER TO BE HAPPY- 

BUT LIKE THAT STILL ENDED WITH HIS BROTHER KILLING HIS FAMILY. 

AND THEN HIS BROTHER WITH HIS FINAL WISH AS HE LAY DYING IN ZERO’S ARMS, FROM TRYING TO KILL THE BIG BAD GUY AND GETTING HIS ASS WHOOPED TELLS HIM TO DRINK HIS BLOOD SO HE CAN GET HIS FULL VAMP HUNTER POWERS AND CONTINUE TO LIVE

And Zero does it. Because he wants to protect the only friend he’s had. God, Zero is so fucking valid. 

Headmaster actually throwing his lazy ass into the fight to protect Yuki and the academy is the arc reversal of the century. 

also Yuki being able to wield her Vampire hunter weapon despite being a vamp with just her willpower makes no goddamn sense. Power of friendship my ass.

ALSO THE BAD GUY IS SUCH A CREEP. LIKE CREEPS RUN IN THE FAMILY. KANAME AND THE CREEPY ASS UNCLE RITO

ZERO!!!!!

.”TIME FOR CURTAINS TO DRAW ON OUR VAMPIRE NIGHT” 

Roll Credits.

So, all in all, the show ends with Kaname fighting creepy uncle until Zero is the one to kill him, and then as another slap in the face, Yuki leaves the academy with her disgusting love interest grooming brother after drinking Zero’s blood one last time to prove she is actually a vampire. Proving that the only ‘friend’ that he genuinely cared about all this time is gone, and that the next time they meet, he will be forced to kill her as his role as a Vampire hunter. And it ends with Yuki looking forward to that day??????

I. hate. this series. 

I HATE IT SO MUCH. 

It has interesting ideas, and it got popular the time vampires were megahuge, but it’s just utterly disgusting and disappointing. I only liked ONE character. ONE. And he’s the one who gets fucked over the most. 

It’s cliche. And Gross. And just. I braced myself for some bad anime but I had no goddamn idea how bad it actually is. 

If you like it, then you do you my dude. I just can’t. This series? scarred me for life? I would rather eat an old moldy sock than sit and watch this again. 

[him-e]

Hi, I sent the original ask about a Celibate Rey ending, I don't know what discourse came out of it, I didn't see it, but I wanted to clear the air. I didn't mean to come off dismissive of female romance/sexuality or of your ship in my ask. I understand it can be exhausting to defend your perspective over and over to people who don't want to listen, so I totally get if you thought I was baiting, though. I'm sorry for the trouble or stress this caused you.

Not asking to troll or continue the discourse, but if you don’t want to continue discussing this topic please delete this. But how can you see a valid Celibate-Rey endgame going? If IX were to end with Rey on her own and to some degree happy (Since this is Star Wars, the ending has to be at least slightly happy or hopeful) what kind of an ending would it be? If Kylo dies or survives, either/or.

Hey, no problem at all, and sorry for my snappish answer (hopefully you realized I was being part tongue-in-cheek, though). Admittedly the “better off alone/celibate” argument is something that cyclically resurfaces in other ships of mine, particularly Jaime/Brienne, which made me skittish on the whole thing, particularly when it’s tied to *female agency* buzzwords and the assumption that it’s the shippers who are arbitrarily trying to force a romance on the character, rather than it being part of the character’s canon narrative (not necessarily your case, but it’s such a popular argument against the J/B ship that I’ve developed particularly nasty anticorps for it)

So re: Celibate Jedi!Rey—

Is it a technically possible endgame for her? Totally.

Is it something I would personally be okay with and find satisfying? Well, yes, if:

a) it acknowledges and gives closure to Rey’s feelings for Ben, and viceversa. This includes admitting a degree of bittersweet in the happily ever after final picture.

Just considering the force bond alone without its romantic implications, Rey and Kylo, just the two of them, are connected on a deep intimate level. This is kind of a big deal, especially for Rey, whose familial bonds were suddenly and irrevocably severed when she was little, after which she was left completely alone with no chance to find her way back to her parents (ironically, now she has a magical tracking device in her head that allows her to communicate with another person even across galaxies. From completely alone, to never completely alone even in her own head. Big deal, indeed). 

Even if the bond is broken (because Kylo dies, or else) and no overtly romantic stuff happens between them, it will still leave a mark on Rey, an empty spot where something magical used to be that can only be partially filled with familial or “muggle” love and the purpose of a “lone” Jedi path. That she would bury Kylo (or watch him leave never to return) and immediately go to join the Resistance’s party original trilogy style as if nothing sad just happened doesn’t make a lot sense to me. In fact, it would infuriate me, as I hate when characters are written as if they had some emotion switch hidden somewhere that makes them go from sad to cheerful in the blink of an eye (and tbh TLJ, for all I liked it, already went dangerously close to that, with Rey’s jarring post-proposal cheerfulness on the Falcon during the whole Crait sequence, imo). 

So if they want to go that route, they need to be ready to tinge their happy ending with a little melancholy, otherwise I won’t find it realistic at all. This especially if Kylo dies, but also if he leaves or they are separated for whatever reason. (if Kylo lives, and redeems himself, and stays, I don’t see any reason why he and Rey should not be together, tbh. I mean it’s not like there’s still a Jedi order around dictating what Rey is or isn’t allowed to do. Like Palpatine was the Senate, she is the Jedi Order now, she can make new rules, lmao)

b) it avoids attaching moralistic implications to this choice (?) of celibacy (”that’s what I’m really meant for”, or “that’s how I’ll live my life to the fullest and be truly happy”, etc).

The figure of the Jedi in SW is, at the end of the day, a caregiver. A magical warrior/monk who essentially devotes their life to other people, denying any sort of personal ambition of satisfaction for himself (self-drive is closer to the Sith way). While the extent of this self-abnegation can be reframed and repackaged in a more “progressive” light (say Rey rebuilds a Jedi order with different rules, or just chooses a different way to be a Jedi, see above), the essence of caregiving and selflessness will probably remain untouched. It’s really funny to me that the people who want this endgame for Rey are the same one who get their panties in a twist at the thought of Rey being “reduced to an emotional caregiver” for Ben (paraphrasing some anti post I’ve read recently). The point is, Celibate!Jedi Rey wouldn’t be simply choosing friendship/family/a career over romance, she’d actually sacrifice her individual (in this case, romantic/sexual) desires in order to become a caregiver for an entire community. And this isn’t something I’d consider an especially subversive or /empowering/ endgame for a female character, quite the opposite, actually. The subtext here needs to be handed carefully, particularly if her endgame involves rebuilding some sort of Jedi school for gifted children: the risk of elevating her to a self-sacrificial virgin mother archetype would be pretty high. It can be done, and it can imply Rey will find happiness in this life, but without any sort of hamfisted *inspirational moral message for little girls*, if you know what I mean.

c) it doesn’t frame Rey’s choice not to be with Kylo specifically (if it is indeed a choice on her part and not something dictated by external forces, aka Kylo’s death or the Willabeth endgame, more on that later) in a moral(istic) perspective.

no “I can’t be with you because you have been mean to people, ewww” bullshit, thank you very much. This sounds like the ultimate anti wet dream, Rey rejecting Kylo because he’s awful, and I think we’re WAAAYYYY past it with all that happened in TLJ.

I hope this clarifies things a bit!

Another anon asked me to explain what I meant with the Willabeth endgame, and:

in POTC III Will Turner kills Davy Jones, so he has to take his place as the captain of the Flying Dutchman, which is a curse for life. He and Elizabeth (who are now married) spend a last day together on an island (during which it’s implied they fuck like rabbits and conceive a child, lmao), and then, at sunset, Will says goodbye, leaving the box containing his heart to Elizabeth, to whom he says, “will you keep it safe for me?”. It’s heartbreaking and a bit sadistic tbh but also incredibly romantic.

How does this apply to Reylo?

Well, Kylo could be 

sentenced to lifelong exile on a remote planet, or 

imprisoned for life, or 

going on exile on his own will, or 

leaving to form a new order of darksiders (or something) as he feels he has no place among the Good Guys and has Redeemed Himself But Not Really, or 

sentenced to death and then promptly freed by Rey, who urges him to leave never to return, for his own safety, or

in general, literally or metaphorically cursed to live an existence separated from Rey as a form of atonement alternative to death;

and Rey obviously can’t follow him, because she can’t and won’t abandon her place among the Resistance, and they both know this, but it doesn’t stop them for wanting each other and swearing they will wait for each other forever, cue pants-dropping emotional final goodbye scene which, while offering complete closure, leaves the possibility of a future reunion entirely possible.

Why do I think it’s a valid scenario?

it’s a good compromise between endgame Reylo and Celibate!Jedi Rey;

Kylo gets to Suffer ™, as y’all hope for;

an unwritten but very common and wise rule of storytelling (whether or not you agree with it) is that a couple who can’t be together NOW is more interesting than a couple who is Just Together and chillin’ on the sofa or something, so this endgame leaves things open enough to be further explored in hypothetical tie-in canon material (comics, novels, tv adaptations, maybe even a standalone Episode IX-bis in five or six years from now, WHO THE HELL KNOWS?);

the fanfictions would SKYROCKET; 

the force bond, if it still exists at that point, would be an INCREDIBLY convenient plot device;

Reylo Sex Island

end

[nodamageafterall]

The Get Down Watch Party

The Get Down Part 1 – Ep 1 Where There Is Ruin There Is Hope For Treasure

• Daveed Diggs • I used to find Zeke’s voice weird, but now I’m used to it • Still not sure how to feel about Leon • Sometimes I forget that Mylene has a sister • The Kipling Family • Ra Ra geeking about Star Wars #relatable • “That’s so stupid” “You’re stupid” #roasted • OMG Ra Ra and his suitcase • Regina is so sassy, hope we see more of that side of her • “Hey, You”, my favorite song because it makes me think of  Thizzee • Shaolin, everybody thinks he’s some type of badass legend, but soon they find out he is just a dorky • “Ciao for now”, why is Dizzee so extra? • I’m learning more about history while watching TGD that I learned in school • I’m so glad Francisco is one of the good guys • Boo Boo plaining the next move like the true mastermind he is, he is like Dizzee’s management • Savage Warlords, oh Napoleon • Francisco saves the day! • Ra Ra is so happy for Zeke • Ms Green is the true queen • Ra Ra and his references, he is like Tumblr in the 70’s • I assume all this burning buildings are CGI, I think most of the budget went on the background only • Zeke reciting the poem, what is that sound? Oh, right, it’s just my heart breaking • It looks like Regina and Yolanda are trying to seduce Mylene rather than give her boy’s advice • Ra Ra dancing, pls, no • Shaolin and Zeke’s meeting was just like it happen in romances • They focus on Napoleon, the foreshowing • “Wars on Mars” why you gotta do me like that Dizz? • That gay joke, Winston has no idea • Dizz and Boo aka partners in crime, everyone needs a little bro like Boo • Ra Ra’s advices are like really good and really bad at the same time • The girls looked so good • “Hey, You” • Can we delete Fat Annie existence? • It weird seeing how happy and pure they were until everything turns to shit • Poor Shaolin, I can’t handle that nasty woman using him like that • Cadillac, it’s really hard to hate on him when you are too busy laughing at his nonsense • Why aren’t we more weirded out with this grown men lusting after teen girls? • Zeke is too good, too pure for this world • Mylene knows her stuff, no man will play her • Is that Jesus Superstar playing on the club? • Shaolin and his karate shit, it’s like he is trying to scary Zeke off so they don’t have to fight, because he wouldn’t know how • Zeke bites Shaolin, that’s love • Zeke is so dramatic, willing to die for that record • Shaolin talking about the heat while wearing that leather jacket is quite ironic • “Which one?” “The beautiful one” classic • So upsetting that Malibu is dead, his lines were gold • Zeke’s fake accent, I’m offended and I don’t even speak spanish • Zeke needs to man up • Cadillac owns the dance floor • RIP Fat Annie’s Birthday Cake, gone too soon (I still would eat that tho) • I wish we could have more of Mylene and Cadillac dancing, just because their chemistry is really great, but I don’t ship them in anyway • Jack, I love him, but I’m afraid he will screw things over • Mylene broke Zeke’s heart and I feel for him, but he really needed that reality check • Never saw someone reading the bible so angrily • Ramon is the worst for beating Mylene like that, triggerwarning 1:10 to1:12 • Zeke, people died, you just got dumped • “I don’t understand all the crying over a female”, yeah, that’s ‘cause you are gay • Shaolin is so over the top, he and Zeke are perfect for each other • If it’s a secret underground how did him expect them to know about it? • I would expect people to be more traumatized after being in a shooting, but I guess  not • Shaolin is a fanboy, look at him fanboying over Grandmaster Flash • Zeke is wasted • Plot twist: Boo Boo is the true ladykiller romantic • I’m not saying Francisco is Mylene’s dad, but… he is • I cringed so hard the first time I saw that scene, it was clear that Zeke would fail the first try • Shaolin jumping in (literally) to save the day • Whenever older Zeke’s voiceover comes in I cry • Zeke and Shaolin are already bff and they literally just met • Shaolin isn’t just a dork, he is a nerd, he got his albums in alphabetic order • Ra Ra is a little jealous of Zeke’s friendship with Shaolin • Boo Boo is the king of comebacks • The name of the episode on the train it’s like when the character says the name of the show in the show • “You are a natural everything”, Zeke is flirting • Such a Moulin Rouge vibe of that Mylene bit, I hope nothing bad happens to her • Daveed Diggs!

The Get Down Part 1 – Ep 2 Seek Those Who Fan Your Flames

• I love that idea of starting the episode with a rap about the previously one • “Yo, how did he get in here?”, Ra asking the real questions • That fucking crayon • Dizzee’s “nice”, I wonder what is on his mind • “Protect her from herself” WTF Ramon • The Get Down Brothers? More like The Get High Brothers • Francisco rant about the white models #keepitreal • “My fucking crayon” LOL • The Kipling Bros left to go eat, priorities • Shaolin’s face while Zeke’s raps/ramble • Mylene and her mother bonding, more of those pls • Shaolin and his pigeons • I really hope the pigeons weren’t there when the place got burned • Shaolin is just 17 years old, he doesn’t deserve that shit • Zeke saw the light lol • “It takes two to make a thing go right”, is that what they call subtext? • Of course Shaolin gave him a nickname • Leon is so lazy smh • Ms Green and her red glasses • Francisco is the best • Senora Lopez is the gem of that episode • *Ignores Fat Annie for my mental health* • I really had no idea so much went into djaying, it made me appreciate it more • Grandmaster Flash is a showoff • Zeke and Shaolin fanboying together is my jam • Mylene’s voice is the closest to heaven I’ll ever get • Mylene, Regina and Yolanda are squad goals • I think it was low of Mylene to go ask help from Zeke after what happened, but I don’t think she really had much of a choice • Ra Ra and his Star Wars references • “Syrups got standars”, preach it Zeke • Shaolin is nosy • Ra Ra is the voice of the reason in this group • I hope someday I have Cadillac’s self-steem • Did he get all dress up to torture this kids? • I hate that scene • 38:45 to 39:46, skip it if you can #childabuse • The Kipling Bros dancing to Shaolin’s beat is everything • The tension in that bit is too much • 41:41 to 42:26 more child abuse and that time it’s worst, blood involved • They look so happy, why you have to ruin it? • Dizzee could’ve died • Shaolin just lost everything • Dizzee carrying that turntable, my heart aches • Shaolin trying to keep it together and lashing out on Zeke, he needs a hug • I’m glad that Zeke and Mylene sorted it out in the end • Ramon is always screwing things over • The church scene is uncanny • Jack is so hangover, when isn’t he? • Mylene preteding to get the holy spirit, so wrong, so funny • That DRESS • Shit is getting down • What? No, it can’t be over