#the statues rock one of the clowns is on the computer just like me :)

[ox-horns]

the other week i bought a set of three porcelain clown statues for 3 dollars at the thrift store because they were Hilarious and wanted to surprise my husband with my awful purchase. I got home, giddy, and said to him "guess what i bought". and he IMMEDIATELY groans and says "clowns?" for about five minutes i thought he was full-on psychic until it hit me that this is in fact the second time i have returned from the thrift store with Weird Clown Shit in the past 2 months.

so i guess i'm a clown guy now

[signed-yours-truly-the-whale]

Babes in Chuckletown

OHO BOY, am I angry.

I was in the middle of a very long chapter in my fanfic when my computer randomly decided to restart, costing me NOT ONLY a very long chapter, but the ENTIRE THIRTEEN-CHAPTER DOCUMENT. I thank god that I uploaded it all to AO3 up until the thirteenth chapter (which is going to be a pain the ass to rewrite), but now I have to go in and copy-paste, re-bold and re-italicize everything.

So that’s how my Halloween is going. Excuse me while I cry.

Anyway. Please enjoy this one-shot I’m making up on the fly about Arthur having no choice but bringing his small child to Ha-Ha’s because he has nobody to watch her. Me being in an angry mood helps me to channel Hoyt’s ... Hoytish-ness. Hoyt was definitely an asshole in the movie, but I feel like the lines “I like you, Arthur” and “I’m trying to help you” flew under the radar in light of his dickishness.

I’ve been wanting to write this for a while, I just have no conceivable idea where this would logically fit into my fanfiction, so I gift it here. I’ll let this be a birthday present for the incredible @funsizedshrimp, since they seem to love my Carrie Fleck as much as I do and I absolutely should return the favor for all the lovely art they gift to me. I love you lots, you wonderful person you.

__________________                ______________               __________________

“Hey Peanut, can you do me a favor?”

Arthur’s voice was soft, nearly indecipherable. The pudgy hand that had been grasping at his shirt collar suddenly pushed against him, exerting the energy to be able to lift her head up.

One bleary eye opened to look at him. Her cheek was rosy from her uneasy resting spot on his collarbone. Neither the time nor the place allowed for such coddling, but he continued to rock her on his hip uneasily.

“Mm?” she questioned.

“Can you put a hand over your ear?” he asked, softer still. “Daddy has to talk to someone and it might be a little loud. Not suitable for a baby’s ears.”

Although Carrie grumbled something that only he could decipher as “Not a baby,” she conceded. The sharp bone in her ear pressing against his collarbone hurt, but in the magical age where she began repeating every colorful phrase she heard from the television, he couldn’t risk anything.

Taking in a wavering breath, clutching the bag in his hand tighter, Arthur opened his boss’ door.

“Oh, how fucking nice of you to ... what the fuck is this?”

Hoyt looked up from his stack of documents -- chiefly the words complaint, absence, and Carnival bore into his head from a yellow slip on his desk -- to see Ha Ha’s resident hooky flinch in protest. What he first thought was an overgrown ragdoll, he realized with some incredulity was a toddler, pressing its head into Arthur’s neck.

“You brought a fucking kid into my shop?” he asked, voice rising.

“Hoyt ... please --”

“Please what? This should be good.”

It gave him no pleasure to watch Arthur be so hopelessly awkward, dropping the paper bag in a vain attempt to hike the kid further up on his person. He knew the guy was going through a rough patch with the wife. That it happened on Hoyt’s dime, though, made him hard to sympathize with.

Fumbling for something to do besides stand uncomfortably and rock his daughter into a sleep that she couldn’t attain, Arthur sat in the green chair across from Hoyt’s desk. He positioned Carrie to be able to rest easier in his lap. At a groggy whimper, his hand instinctively pressed against her arm, hoping it would keep her semi-warm. He didn’t know why Hoyt kept the AC on at all hours of the day.

“Well aren’t you a real mother hen,” Hoyt observed, devoid of anything Arthur could recognize as a positive emotion. “What’s it doing here?”

“I ... I had no other options,” he blurted out. “I can’t afford another day off work, but I have nobody to watch her.”

“Do I look like I’m runnin’ a charity ward, Arthur?” Upon further thought, “You didn’t bring her through the locker room, did you?”

“Nobody else is here,” he said quickly, realizing how bad that might’ve sounded once it reached his own ears. “And I made her close her eyes.”

Two scraggly grey eyebrows rose in vague surprise.

“Your mistake, not mine.”

Arthur felt the tips of his ears burn, unsure if he guessed correctly what Hoyt was referring to. Carrie may have been a surprise, but she was no mistake.

“How are you supposed to keep track of the kid on assignment?” Hoyt questioned, flitting through the ever-expanding pile of papers on his desk. “You’re booked for Amusement Mile today. That’s fuckin’ dangerous.”

Awkwardly, Arthur cleared his throat, feeling unable to meet Hoyt’s disbelieving eyes. His fingers rubbed Carrie’s arm up and down. She burrowed further into the crook of his neck, keeping her hand dutifully over her ear as promised. Her face was hidden from view by a crop of blonde hair -- the little veil he had left that kept work and home as two separate realities.

“I - I, um ...” A giggle got caught in his throat, as thick as a billiard ball. He forced it down. “I was wondering if I could keep her here. Just ... just for --”

“What?”

“Just for today, a -- and tomorrow, I’ll be sure --”

“Are you stupid?” Hoyt cuts in, and Arthur’s hand moves from his daughter’s arm to the small hand over her ear like a reflex. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“W -- well, Randall brought in his kid a few w -- weeks ago ... I thought maybe ...”

“Randall’s kid is twelve already, not three.” Hoyt heard a soft mutter of “she’ll be five soon,” as if it would sway the argument in Arthur’s court at all. “What the hell are you thinking in that fucked-up head? No relatives, no friends?”

“Nobody,” he said, and it surprised Hoyt that he hadn’t seen Arthur ... quite so sad before. He’d been sad, sure, but not pitiful. He couldn’t be more pitiful if he was dressed as Carnival doing this begging. “My -- my wife just left, I don’t know where she is. My in-laws are on vacation in Burbank and my mom is in the hospital. The neighbors won’t take her and -- and the preschool is closed ‘cause of a rat infestation. Hoyt, I’m ... I’m begging you.”

Something about the sight was so pitiful, so unfunny in his desperation, that Hoyt narrowly refrained from cutting back with My mistake for thinking you’d have friends.

“Mmf, Daddy,” the source of the frustration croaked. “My arm hurts. Can I put it down?”

“Yeah, Peanut,” he said quietly. The hand slid out from underneath his warm palm and found its way around his neck once again. A thumb brushed away a few strands of hair from her face, unveiling a curtain for her to view this strange new room.

Hoyt almost let slip a surprised “holy shit” as the kid’s head rose to look around the office, wide-eyed in her wonderment, but he thought better of it. But holy shit, did she look like Arthur, in eyes and face shape at least. Slap on a greasy brown wig and she could’ve been a pint-sized clone.

“A jack in the box,” she said quietly, pointing at the dumb clown statue out of his sight in front of his desk. “Daddy, jack in the box.”

“Yeah, Carrie, I see.”

Hoyt bit his lip, at a loss. It was always harder to turn a kid away when he had a name and a face to set to them. Until then the kid could’ve been a delusion for all he knew, the way Arthur talked about her like there was no god damn tomorrow. Who on this green earth would ever think to --?

Ugh. Fuck.

“You owe me, Arthur. Big time.”

____________________

Nine in the morning rolled around to a relative calm. The kid was, to his relief, quiet and weedy for the most part, like her quiet, weedy father. A long stretch of silence ensued -- half-hour? Two hours? He didn’t fucking know -- where the rhythmic punching of the time cards from the locker room and pen (or crayon) on paper substituted for awkward and mindless conversation he didn’t want to indulge in.

His only indication that she was there at all was the knowledge that his door hadn’t opened since Arthur hurried out to get ready and dropped her in Hoyt’s proverbial lap (had it been a literal instance, he might’ve tossed the kid through the window on reflex), and the occasional kicking of leather sandals and bell bottom pant legs barely visible from his vantage point.

“Hey, don’t get any crayon on my floor,” he warned, wondering internally if she made up for in mischief what she lacked in outward annoyance.

“I won’t,” she replied, too high and cheery for nine in the morning. “I draw pictures to stop Daddy being sad.”

Well isn’t that just fucking lovely. But he had a schedule to amend.

He could send Arthur to the kids’ hospital in Randall’s place -- the kids seemed to really respond to Arthur better ... god, why did Randall have to be such an obnoxious prick of a clown with the kids? It was getting harder and harder to place him--

The rustling of paper and a soft grunt made him look up. Hiding her face from his view, the kid was holding up a drawing of ... colored dots? Big whoop.

She pointed to a bright green one, taking up the center of the page.

“That’s -- that’s my daddy at work,” she explained. He raised a brow. Quite a likeness. “And that’s me, with an ice cream.”

Her little pointer finger trailed to the scribble next to the green -- a flurry of yellow and brown and pink. Was that what she’d spent the last hour on?

“What’s that then?” he asked before he could stop himself, not realizing any words had left his mouth at all until the cap of a chewed blue Bic pen tapped against a blue scribble, neatly tucked away in a folded corner.

“That’s my mommy,” she explained, as casual as though he’d asked for the time. Oh. “She’s taking a break.”

He nodded, not trusting himself to say something he might regret in the hours to come. Before coming to the realization that it was not his business nor his time to care, a question flitted through his mind if Arthur had told the kid about her mom at all.

“I got work to do,” he settled. “Read a book or something.”

____________________

Hoyt never thought he’d ever be disappointed to have a knock on the door that wasn’t Arthur.

“C’min,” he said distractedly.

“Hoyt,” Gary said. “Barney needs the key to the storage closet. Forgot his shoes at home.”

“Second time this week,” Hoyt tutted. Standing up, he allowed himself a stretch that popped his back in several satisfying places, and reached for the key under the strip of tape marked STORAGE. “Tell him this had better be the last damn time.”

“I’ll try.”

Their eyes, as though having just materialized in the room, landed on the girl, still lying on the floor but looking up at Gary, saying nothing. Gary’s face softened.

“Oh, hello,” he said amiably. “Is this your daughter, Hoyt?”

Don’t ever say something like that again --

“Nah.” He shook his head and sat back down. “Arthur’s kid.”

A moment of recognition passed where Gary’s eyes lit up like a damn Christmas tree. His smile grew wider.

“So this is the Carrie we’ve heard all about,” he exclaimed, sticking his hand out. “Pleased to meet you, Miss Fleck.”

At the lack of response, Hoyt looked over the desk. A blonde crop of hair was unmoved, and even quieter than she’d been before.

“Didn’t your daddy teach you not to stare?” Hoyt probed.

“She’s alright, Hoyt,” Gary countered, keeping his eyes on the girl. “She’s still very young.”

No time like now to teach ‘em not to stare

“Thanks, Hoyt,” Gary continued. At the door frame again, he smiled once more at the kid. “It was very nice to meet you, Carrie.”

The door closed. As if cued by the click of the lock, she turned quickly to Hoyt.

“He was small!” she whispered.

“Yeah, and you’re rude.”

“How rude?”

“It’s fuckin’ rude to stare at him ‘cause he’s short,” Hoyt snapped, pulling yet another litany of papers in a barely-together manila folder from an overstuffed desk drawer. “He doesn’t stare at you ‘cause you’re a girl.”

“But that was scary.”

“There’s a lot scarier guys to be on the lookout for, kid.”

“Who?”

Your daddy, for one.

“I don’t wanna be rude,” she said quietly, beginning to stand. She swiped a bit of dust from the knee of her bell bottoms, putting a nagging word in the back of his mind to sweep the office soon. “I wanna be like my daddy. He’s nice.”

He looked at her briefly before returning to his papers again. Crudely and off-tune, he made out that she was attempting to whistle the Andy Griffith theme.

Andy Griffith. Sheriff Barney Fife. God damn you, Gary.

The back of a blonde head was cast in varying shades as she stood in front of the window slats, drawing a little pointer finger over the sharpie-marked letters. MIME. WHITE FACE PAINT

I have no doubt you’ll be exactly like your daddy. Good luck with that.

____________________

Two o’clock gave Hoyt his first opportunity to get a real look at the Fleck girl. That still felt weird to say.

“Here,” he said stiffly, digging into his back pocket to produce two dimes. “Go down the hall ‘til you reach the Pepsi machine and get us two sodas. It’s lunch time.”

She swiped the dimes from his hand. The contact of nails against his palm made him shiver more than he expected. She felt startlingly real.

A few hesitant steps later -- and he really had to question how poor Arthur was that she looked at the dimes like she’d never seen them before -- she turned to look at him. The pink clip holding her bangs back suddenly bobbed on her head.

“Daddy not let me have soda,” she said.

“Your daddy’s out working. Skedaddle.”

“But what if he come and sees?”

She was lucky her little girl charm made up for the annoying inconsistency of her grammar. If there was one thing Hoyt hated, it was inconsistency.

“We got two hours ‘til you gotta worry about that.”

He looked down again, swiping a red mark through Randall’s name. Another complaint from a kid’s parent from the latest birthday party. God damn --

A clanking made him look up, and sigh. She couldn’t reach the door handle.

“Every paper I can’t sign ‘cause of lookin’ after you is coming out of your daddy’s paycheck,” he threatened, standing to open the door.

The kid was made all the more startlingly real, assaulting his senses as he had to grab her arms and push her forward to get her to stop gawking at the animal statues and props in the storage closet that swallowed the hallway. At least the locker room was empty.

What the fuck are you thinking bringing her here, Fleck?

Leaning against the opposite wall, he watched with waning curiosity as she rushed over to the machine, concluded she was too short to reach the buttons, and pulled over a yellow chair (the uneven wobbly one that grated on his nerves to hear scraping against the ground in uneven increments) to stand on. Licks of curls rested on her shoulders, reminding Hoyt of her mop-headed father.

Rushing back to him, she triumphantly handed him a blue Pepsi can, keeping the Mountain Dew for herself. Eh, he’s had worse.

“Stay,” he said gruffly, unsure of what else to say. He was more accustomed to dogs than kids, but felt satisfied by her listening skills when she climbed into the yellow chair next to the black trunk-table.

Two minutes later and he found himself in the impossibly weird scenario of not only having lunch outside of the comfort of his office, but tossing a banana to a kid who, by all the laws of nature, should not really be allowed to exist. Cute as she may be, to see physical proof of Arthur Fleck’s sex life made it hard to look at her for more than a few seconds.

Hoyt looked anyway, a little annoyed at her inability to open the soda can with her frail little finger. Weak like her damn dad. He swiped it, opened it with a secretly satisfying hiss, and watched her take a great sip. Scrunching her nose -- thank god for her, it wasn’t like Arthur’s -- she stuck her tongue out in derision before reaching over to set it on the table.

Hoyt switched the cans. He hated Pepsi anyway.

He also hated bananas, and the leftover couscous his wife made the previous evening. Mentally he made a note to pack his own damn lunches from then on.

So the banana went to the kid, less out of concern for her eating and more as a means to stop any bellyaching from either her or his wife later.

“So your dad doesn’t let you have soda,” he found himself asking. Why his brain was unable to catch up with his mouth, he wasn’t really sure.

Through a mouthful, she shook her head at him. Swallowing down a sizeable bite, she said, “The sugar bad for my heart.”

“Hmm.”

“My mommy let me have soda, though,” she said, perkier now in a way that made him feel a little rigid. “She likes Coke.”

Hoyt held back a snort of derision and surprise. There were funnier things to mock Arthur about than his wife hitting it big and leaving. Coke was for the rich, he knew. Poor people ... drank Pepsi, he supposed, looking at the kid and the soda can again.

She seemed much more content with the Pepsi can. Metaphorical? Maybe. He was never one to think of analogies -- nor did he really care.

At the sound of the entrance banging open, her eyes widened and she went red. Her hands stayed firmly around the soda can as her proverbial cookie jar.

Whatever jaunty tune Randall was whistling as though he wasn’t twenty minutes late was cut short upon making eye contact with the kid. Hoyt saw something that looked friendly, but not in the same fashion that maybe Gary had in mind.

“Didn’t realize you paid for ‘em so young, Hoyt.”

An inexplicable burning sensation flared in the tips of Hoyt’s ears.

“It’s Arthur’s kid, now fuck off,” he said quickly. “And you’re late.”

“Car broke down again.”

“Well get it fixed, or don’t let it break down on my time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Randall sighed, breezing past them with his nicotine-smelling clown suit in hand, chief of the parents’ complaints.

The girl’s eyes trailed after the huge man, staying on the hallway long after he’d left. She leaned in just after he took in a mouthful of cold, crunchy couscous.

“What did he mean?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t ask questions.”

____________________

Hoyt’s leg bounced, eyeing the clock out of his peripheral. If Arthur believed Hoyt was letting himself be saddled with the kid for one minute past four o’clock, he was really out of it.

The kid was getting restless, and relentlessly annoying. She surprised him with her expert knowledge on blowing up and tying balloons -- of course Arthur would teach her that, what a valuable life skill -- but the inefficient scraping of two ends of a tightly-woven balloon into a barely-decipherable balloon animal made him wanna pop the thing right in her face. God damn, why did he keep a pile of them within her reach?

She made a snake, she declared. Or a worm.

Upon reaching for another one, it came with an unnecessary avalanche of wormy friends as the corner of a plastic bag scattered a cluster of colored balloons on the carpeted floor.

“Shit,” he grumbled, rounding the desk to collect them. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her put back the one she’d originally grabbed. “You’d better hope your dad has money to pay for new balloons, kid.”

“Shhh ...” His eyes narrowed at her, watching her lean down with him to collect handfuls -- albeit smaller handfuls -- of long balloons. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

____________________

Two minutes to four, Arthur came into the office, looking like a man on a mission. It was to his visible relief, Hoyt noticed, that the kid was happy and very much alive.

“Daddy!” she exclaimed, hopping from the chair to take aim around his pant leg, leaving her picture book on the ground. A hand stroked some hair behind her ear and she smiled sappily up at him. “I drew you pictures and -- and I made you a balloon snake, but it popped.”

Groaning, he pried her arms away and bent down to her level.

“Were you good for Hoyt?” he asked, the faintest smile threatening to split on his face. Eight hours of work would not stop him from enjoying how soft her hair was, or how she smelled like cherries when she hugged his hulking, sweaty form.

“Just aces,” Hoyt smiled cloyingly, twisting a pen cap between his fingers. “Get a sitter for her tomorrow or don’t bother coming in.”

“That good, huh?” Arthur questioned, groaning again in achy protest as he stood up. “I’ll find a sitter for her, I promise.”

____________________

Three hours and two much-needed baths later, Arthur was finding a familiar rhythm in twirling his best girl around their little living room, not minding that he got lost in the mask he wore in front of her. Their old turntable warbled and scratched, but he scarcely noticed.

Carrie didn’t smile at anybody the way she smiled at him. He hoped she knew the flip side to that was true as well.

Que sera sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que sera sera

“I talked with Mom on the phone today,” he mentioned, watching her face brighten into a widening grin. “She said she wants to meet up with us to take you to lunch on Saturday.”

“Is she come back?” she asked. With her left hand enveloped in her father’s, she shifted her right arm so it rested against his chest and she could lean back to look at him. His face fell slightly.

“No, Peanut, I don’t think so. But you’ve been doing so well with school ‘til it closed, I thought you could tell her all the new rhyming words you learned. You learned what rhymes with bit, didn’t you?”

Her eyes traveled up to the ceiling, scrunching her nose to remember.

“Split,” she concluded, aglow in his proud smile. “Now you.”

“Befit. You?”

“Uh ... grit.”

At a very inelegant dip, which sent her into shrieking giggles as she felt her ponytail brush the floor, he said, “Banana split.”

“That doesn’t count!” she laughed.

“Oh, really? How does it not count?” he humored.

“Cause I said split! No cheating!”

“Then tool kit,” he smiled. “But now you have to think of two words.”

“Quit, and ...” She stopped to consider. “Oh, I learned one today! Shit.”

____________________

“Hoyt?”

“What do you want?”

Arthur looked from the paper in his hands, to the area of space between his person and the paper, filled in by the sight of his feet doing an awkward little soft shoe. Should he even question Hoyt about this? He was as honest as he could be, but something about this didn’t seem to add up.

“It’s just, uh ... my paycheck seems higher than it should be?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Well, no, but --”

“Then what is it?”

A nervous sweat started to form at Arthur’s hairline.

“It’s just that ... I did the math, and -- and it looks like you paid me for one of the days I didn’t work.”

“Are you tellin’ me you don’t think I did my math right? Go get a fuckin’ bank job if you think you know better.”

“So ... I’m -- I’m fine if I deposit the two hundred from the check?”

“Your money,” Hoyt grumbled, signing away another mindless paper. For being a clown business, he sure did have a shitload of paperwork. “Pay your rent, buy a hooker, some booze ... a snazzy divorce lawyer.”

Turning, Arthur felt something air-light in his chest, still disbelieving of the good fortune.

I can pay the rent, he registered. I can pay the rent and I can buy Carrie some new toys.

“Hey, how’s the little ankle-biter, by the way?”

He turned again, slower.

“What?”

“Kelly, the -- the kid you brought in on Monday. Raised hell in my office.”

“Oh ... Carrie?”

Arthur looked down at his shoes again, smiling. Staying with his mom and her newly-broken arm, bellyaching about wanting Hoyt at her babysitter again because “Nana can only make TV dinners.”

“She’s just aces.”

[archer3-13]

Gundam Seed Destiny Watch Notes

episode 1

- strong opening sequence both in terms of tension and emotional weight. it works because it pulls the audience away from the rather nonsensical and incoherent battle of orb into shinns immediate perspective.

- to sort of summarize its emotional impact, i feel more for shinn in that 3.5 minutes then i ever felt for kira or athrun as characters during all of seed.

- that’s hyperbole, but to get more specific consider how each character is introduced to us the audience [in the original broadcasts]:

-in gundam seed destiny, were thrust into the chaos and confusion of a battle. For those familiar with seed they’ll recognize this as the battle for orb, for those not however it’s a good immersion tool to connect us with the emotions of our focus character for the flashback shinn. Things are confusing, panicked, theres an attempt at evacuation but its clearly last minute and disorganized, battles raging and orbs on the backfoot. Shinn and his family are evacuating, civilian cloths, and well shinns the most obviously important one by value of his face hes dressed in mundane enough clothing to blend in with the earflap beanie being ridiculous enough to make him look more mundane [in my opinion]. His sister loses her retro cutting edge flip phone, and childishly refuses to go forward without it. Shes scared, shes young, everyone’s scared, and shinn in the heat of the moment runs to get it. And by shear coincidence and chance, that gets him out of the blast zone, the camera cuts leaving it ambiguous as to who fired the killing shot. It's impact is clear though, shinns beanie is thrown off his head as he struggles both in physical and emotional pain to take in the sight of his dead family and its not a pretty sight lingering long enough to atleast convey the sense of the images burning themselves in shinns head and definitely long enough to leave people uncomfortable. Shinns dad is crushed by a tree, his moms been seemingly torn apart likely by debris, shinns sister likewise has been shredded, her cut off hand having lured shinn to the gruesome sight to begin with. The battling mobile suits catch his attention, sorrow turns to rage and is swallowed by grief, and shinn torn between despair and newfound hatred simply gives up and wails in agony.

- in gundam seed we are introduced to athrun and kira through the opening theme animation in a still shot. The next time we see them in that animation athruns posing in a military powerpoint following his squad, and kiras cosmic naked with lacus on some ethereal plain. Ahtrun follows up with a confrontational still with cagalli backed by fire. Kira gets a group shot at the front of the archangel crew. Kira later still gets some random ass slightly sexual shot of a mobile suit exploding with a naked holographic lacus convulsing like shes having an orgasm as he looks on stoically, and later finally ends with a shot of kira looking up stoically as the strike goes through its launch animation.

- now, I suppose the immediate counter argument to that would be “hey, asshole, isn’t comparing an anime opening animation to a full on flashback sequence an unfair comparison? We all know anime ops are notoriously style over substance”. and my own answer to that would be “no, its not an unfair comparison because ops still tell us things through visual communication and most other anime these days and shows in general [of any quality anyways] are smart enough to lay down character groundwork before smash cutting to the theme song”.

- to go for a more grounded comparison that illustrates what I mean, lets go back to the original gundam in 79. The original gundam opened right out the gate with the theme song and op animation, no canned narration no nothing just bam, title song. Gundam seed opens with an admittedly effective shot of ginns descending down to earth as the zaft pilots steel themselves for war against the earth, which smoothly transitions into seeds canned narration about the war and how its supposedly speedy conclusion has been dragged out for 11 months. Then seed hits us with the op animation. And yet I would argue 79 has the more effective first foot by smashing immediately to the opening. Why?

- Aside from the 79 theme song itself being [arguably] superior to seeds first op song in every conceivable way, id say its communication. 79’s op is uncomplicated, simple and direct. Whats the gimmick? Giant robots, whos the hero guy? This kid whos shooting a gun and giving a thumbs up in the aircraft thing man he looks brave, supporting cast we should know? These idiots and some other robots look at em go, whats the conflict? These green guys with a prominent lead red guy they look mean, whats the heroes relation to his supporting cast? The supporting light and center of things good to know, heres a closing shot of the gundam look at it go, I hope that you got that its name is gundam. Its arguably deceptively optimistic for the shows actual content, but it works in forming an immediate emotional connection to amuro as the guy were suppose to root for which is good considering how he is in early episodes [an understandably frustrated teen, but hes very intentionally written to be aggravating at times so that immediate positive connection is good at keeping the audience grounded with him]. Its only then when we have our connection to the protagonist that we move into the brief canned narration. And certainly its not essential to introduce your protagonist first, star wars a new hope gets away with introducing luke like ten minutes into the thing. But it helps that lukes suppose to be something of a dark horse, the unexpected wrench from humble origins in the empires plan.

- by comparison we open seed with narration that takes twice as long to convey the same amount of information 0079 gets out in under a minute, and the opening itself is a lot more scattered and nonsensical, trying to convey a lot more then 0079s own opening. Whats the concept? Giant robots cool, whos the main character? Maybe these two guys, one of thems closer to the front then the other so I guess him, but also these people are probably important too? Whos are supporting cast then, this gaggle of clowns I guess but aside from the jerseys who tf knows what their relation is to maybe protagonist man? Whos the enemy? The guys in the different coloured jerseys presumably, they keep trying to blow up main protagonist man atleast so probably them? Whats the protagonists relation to the supporting cast? No fucking idea outside of being the main one of them, but hey atleast we know pink haired lady and main guy are going to probably fuck. That’s not to say no information is conveyed, athrun and kira are successfully established as a pair that parallel each other, muru and raru [the antagonist of seed] are established in a similar manner or atleast connected, as are natarale and that lady who commands the archangel ship whos name I never remember. We know who correlates with which gundam of athruns crew as they pose for mens magazine, and who pilots what in general. We know flay’s sad. But again, the problem is that its seeds first foot forward and for the most part it’s a confusing if flashy mess with only some vague generalities on the setting being conveyed through canned narration and the most important info from the opening seemingly being that kira and lacus are gonna fuck considering how much time they spend hovering around it. And even that turns out to not be the case.

- which brings me back to seed destiny and why it did the overall better job with its first foot. It brings us into shinns character first and foremost and it establishes both a lot of directions shinn could go as a character well introducing us to him at a very vulnerable moment emotionally. At the very least it conveys to us that survivors guilt and anger are going to be two big things shinn grapples with as a character, all well using pretty much only visual cues, sound cues, and minimal dialogue which better sells the intimacy of the vulnerability.

- but, I might still hear you say, its not a fair comparison anyways because your comparing apples to oranges, ops to private moments of grief. And no I say, im still being fair considering kiras ‘proper’ introduction as it were is only just… okay. We get the info that hes a computer wiz of some sorts considering the speed hes typing, its reinforced through casual mention in dialogue, we get the impression that hes worried about the war in some manner, a flashback to athrun and his friendship as kids reinforcing their status as a narrative pair, and then some suggestion of being a bit socially awkward and scatterbrained as hes pulled out of the flashback by a friend. In total all we really learn is his primary skillset as it were, a connection between the war and his friendship with athrun which is suggested by his concerns over it and the previously established narrative paring of the two, and that hes easily distracted. Its not nothing, but its certainly less narrative meat and potential then what were given with shinn if nothing else, and again its not the actual first impression we get of kira. The op is even if only sublimely.

- anyways, this was suppose to be about seed destiny. Seeds first op is alright, I privately refer to it as ‘seeds first op but better’ which it basically his. Similar pacing, similar visuals, but just cut together a bit better with a better song overlaying it [if your into that kinda rock anyways]. We get pilots and their associated machines, we get connections drawn often between trios this time such as masked man number 2, the blond guy on the Minerva and durendel. What I do rather like is that instead of just giving us a still shot however they kinda approach establishing the pilot trio of the Minerva a little more gracefully by having them in essence wave/salute in succession as they launch. More importantly for my money though is the tidbits related to shinn they throw in, shinn being pushed into the background of a similar shot from seeds op starring athrun and kira looking on the two with anger/resentment. Shinn also gets his own naked spirit scene with a girl, a blond one this time whos name I also forget but it also feels more like hes trying to comfort her instead of kiras similar scene from seeds op so I like it a little bit more then the more sexualized one kira got. Kira and shinn are also firmly set up to fight at some point with a brief clash in the op so some more interesting narrative meat especially since it hovers long enough to drive that point home then seeds more frantic cuts. Some teasing of kira and lacus, some parallel shots starring athrun, cagalli, luna and more, lacus and another more provocatively dressed lacus acting in opposite to each other… all around definitely not revolutionary but serviceable and better then seeds 1stop atleast.

- this does bring up the concern however of destiny relying on seed imagery which sets a bad precedence but I feel theres at least enough intentional subversion to serve as the narrative parallel as it were. Whether to destiny’s benefit or not is a different matter.

- canned narration time! Mercifully short thankfully and voiced by the lady who commanded the archangel I think. Uneasy peace has been established and we further tease that kira will have a role in this story somehow with him and lacus ambiguously walking on a beach under a sort of duskish sunset palette, well kira continues to look like a wet cloth and lacus continues to smile kinda creepily. Through no fault of the animators im sure.

- title and episode one is called “angry eyes”. Hopefully that will be appropriate wink wing. I never got why the plants look the way they do on a related not, like surely that’s more of a waste of space then it is economical. Its unique ill give em that much. Also cagallis here and what looks to be a passenger class jumbo space jet. Riding economy class from the looks of it for some reason.

- seriously, why doesn’t she have a private craft? Peace time and orb pacifism and all that sure, but shes an important dignitary and head of government, surely something with speed if nothing else would be better to use for political expediency? Or atleast somewhere timmy wont overhear your political planning.

- cutting to a military base destiny manages to show off both some pretty decent writing and seeds continuing problems. Visually its conveyed that the military base is in a bit of disarray as people rush to organize things and messes pop up as they clean up to look presentable for whatever ceremonies scheduled to happen. Luna and her driver get some casual back and forth that establishes their friendship, the drivers a reckless ass in his driving and luna well exasperated by it doesn’t comment suggesting familiarity with his behaviour and at least tacit acceptance of risk and danger [being more so annoyed with everyone’s panicked straightening up even]. Destiny then goes out of its way to have the driver clarify through dialogue that everyone’s cleaning up for an important visit and establish through dialogue that most of everyone is green behind the ears. Something that we already know visually for the most part and something we could have established visually as well respectively. Its not the dealbreaker by a country mile, just disappointing is all and indicative of seeds tell don’t show problem. Despite its visual language often being its best part when they actually put in the effort and have the budget for it.

- space helicopter! And the visual language continues to show its strength by having… rey [that’s his name right] not outright state his relation to durendel, but imply it visually. Rey notices the space helicopter [why do they have that in the plants?] smiles very happily, rushes over to where its landing and stands at attention in the back but in a place durandel can clearly see him. Durandel pauses in his talking about state matters to offer rey a similarly warm and affectionate smile in return. Its speaks volumes of their relation without having to say anything, and its even helped by the dialogue around it being about other things.

- speaking of, the dialogue in this instance also highlights the problem of the previous car scene a bit better. This feels more naturalistic despite essentially being exposition of a similar nature. It reminds us of blue cosmos existence, that their poking their head around and causing trouble, and in a context that makes sense and flows more naturally because its durandel talking matters of state with an advisor.

- incidentally, to kinda track durandel as a means of highlighting his ‘sudden heel turn’ into an inexplicable villain at seeds end and why it makes no sense and doesn’t gell with whats previously been established [or not if im wrong], im going to be noting durandel in particular. And in this particular instance he notes blue cosmos as ‘more of an idea then a true organization’ asking for clarification on the matter from a subordinate, well noting that well they can work on stricter enforcement of ‘the treaty’ it wont ‘eliminate terrorists’ presumably like the other party making a request of him to enforce the treaty more strictly hopes. Largely this snippet of discussion seems to be in reference to an as of yet heard request from another party incidentally, but considering cagallis presence in the jumbo jet… its almost definitely her. Putting that aside, durandels words and reactions in these few snippits so far paint the picture of a ‘pleasant sceptic’. Hes willing to try the other way but he clearly holds doubts about its success in essence.

- first shot of cagalli with background athrun! She looks sad and or constipated [hopefully that wont be a trend]. Meanwhile athruns rocking quattro four vaginas sunglasses but in a dark red.

- durandels advisor notes her as ‘orb hime’ or orbs princess as its translated in the subs. Durandels response is a brief narrowing of eyes, followed by a smile and a remark about her being an ‘awfully busy person’. Its not the most flattering opinion to hold about her obviously since the remark seems to be mostly made in jest, but its ambiguous in that moment as to why he feels irritation towards her even if its just in the ‘what a hassal/shes childish’ kind of manner the tone, remark and smile would imply. Said tone, remark and smile I would also like to note do come across as somewhat fond as well though, so its arguably not ‘I dislike you because you’re a child’ irritation but more so ‘im being patient because you’re a child’ kind of irritation.

- cagalli and athrun. Athrun makes things weird remarking about cagalli needing a dress, but he does follow it up with some decent advice about ‘not being what you aren’t’ but also how its important ‘to be take seriously’ in matters which cagalli presumably is trying to attend to. Cagalli is reluctant/begrudging about it, kinda leaning into durandels earlier implication about her being childish. Like its weird to bring up and make it about a dress but its not a bad point in general really. Also its an unofficial visit, hence the passenger ship.

- careless remarks about ‘those damn naturals’, but its used to drum up how everyones still very uneasy about the political situation and tease the Minerva. Also, random hot topic crew that athrun notes with athrun specifically noting the blond girl of the bunch.

- apparently the Minerva is going to be ‘the first warship’ to launch since the peace treaty. Cagalli notes it with some obvious frustration as well as frustrated hesitation as to why durandels proposing the meeting here. Athrun points out that cagalli was the one who wanted a low profile continuing the be the more insightful of the two.

- beauty shot and the plants colonies are way bigger then I always think they are. Which just infuriates me more because that is in essence double the profile for at best the same amount of space as a regular gundam colony.

- cagalli and durandel greet. Not much to note about the dialogue itself as its pretty box standard but durandel notably sounds more flowery and enthusiastic about it then cagalli. Also some guy in a suit is with cagalli, whos he I wonder? Durandel makes note of athrun and clearly sees right through the clark kent guise but doesn’t comment yet.

- hot topic trio strut and a shadowed shinn in an alleyway tease us as cagalli and durandel begin talking. Durandel congratulates her on her success noting his ‘envy’ of her rapid success though clearly in a facetious manner. Its not mocking, just clearly said because hes expected to be polite. Also third guy in suit, who are these people? Outside of extras destined to die and clearly identical twins. Also cagalli plays down her accomplishments as needing more to be done and durandel jumps on that to question her motives for the meeting. Noting it as a complicated issue she apparently wanted to discuss.

- cagalli doesn’t think its complicated, notes that durandels been unresponsive and vague on his end, and directly insists that durandel and zaft, and im quoting here, “stop putting to military use the technology and human resources that have come your way since the war with orb.” Athrun puts on his shocked face and durandel just smiles in response clearly being ready for this.

- now, im going for a direct quote there because I wanna put a pin on this because its so… weird in the context of cagalli herself. Narratively this is obviously suppose to sound ominous on our end, and not to mention this is very obviously suppose to be an easy statement for durandel to shoot down. But when ya get down to it, what the fuck does cagalli think shes asking here? What thought process and series of events led her to ask this question, because as shes wording it the overall implication its providing is ‘I believe your holding orb citizens hostage and forcing them to build weapons with stolen orb technology’. Cause like, if that’s what she believes and is trying to get across that’s an insane accusation to just throw out there in a private under the radar meeting like this. But if its not and shes just poorly wording her apprehensions from seed about orb building weapons then it’s a weird way to word that apprehension, and it’s a weird implication to hold that orb citizens are always under orbs jurisdiction regardless of if they decide to become citizens of another nation or not which implies they’re orbs property in a way. Is it a combination of the two, and shes worried orb citizens are building weapons based on stolen orb secrets? Whatever the case, its an odd look for her, and doesn’t help with the impression of naivety on her end.

- hot topic gang, girl [stellar that’s her name right?] admires herself in the mirror and blue hair boy asks wtf shes doing to green haired leader. Leader boy responds ‘being a happy fool’ and suggests blue boy try being a fool sometimes. It’s a quick scene but good at establishing a dynamic for the group, the pecking order as it were, and some camaraderie banter between them. Quick cut to cagalli demanding an answer, and cut back to stellar twirling and giggling like a school child lost in her own world. Cue accidental bump into shinn and accidental boob grab.

- stellar storms off upset and in a hurry, and shinns black tagalong yolant comments on shinn ‘groping her’ much to shinns flustered embarrassment. Apparently they’ve been out shopping for whatever reason. Not the best scene to ‘reintroduce’ shinn on what with the groping, but I appreciate that we get to see him in a more casual setting and cloths first. Fashion choices remain as weird as ever in ce, but again I appreciate that we see shinn acting flustered and his rapport with yolant whos more cool and casual, teasing shinn because he knows shinns gonna be flustered and uptight about it. Also shinns established to still be carrying his sisters phone alluding to ‘lingering hang ups’ to say the least.

- commercial break animation cut. These are always kinda fun in shows, but honestly im more weirded out then anything. Why is lacus in a weird translucent sexy ballgown getup all in one colour? Why a haro orchestra? Why have the commercial cut be kira and lacus when they aren’t even around for the first 8 episodes? It feels desperate to reassure the audience that kira and lacus will be returning is all.

- durandel time! Nothing too specific stands out, he praises cagallis bravery and participation in battle, praises cagallis fathers refusal to buckle under pressure, and uses that as weight for his rhetorical question about how the political situation of the world is. Actual admiration? I feel so. Athrun gets to have the shocked face upon seeing zafts newest frontline suit, the zaku warrior. On the zaku warrior note, I don’t actually hate the design itself but it does kinda feel desperate on the showrunners part to copy paste with minor alterations the zakus design for their own show. It atleast was redesigned to look like an advancement on the ginn.

- more durandel talk time intercut with hot topic infiltration time. The hot topic gangs infiltration stuff is pretty standard faire as we see they both have men on the inside already, and advance combat skills to take on armed zaft personal with just the three of them and the one other guy who kind of disappears after this. More importantly durandel and cagalli talk, or more so durandel talks at cagalli. In essence well he displays sympathy towards cagallis give peace a chance stance he correctly identifies the essential problem that such a stance of not picking fights or allowing others to pick on you requires strong force of arms or some force of political power to back up otherwise you’re a sitting duck with no bite to your bark. You know the same problem/question gundam wing obsessed over and then cleverly side stepped by having relena become queen of the earth and abolish all weapons forever. Other things to note, durandel specifically uses hime when in essence talking down to cagalli after she expresses discomfort with the title. durandel also identifies that cagalli might in truth be more so worried that the north Atlantic federation is going to use zafts use of orb personnel as excuse to call foul on the peace treaty, which he then turns around as justification for why zaft needs to build and maintain military power [also, he notes that hes not forcing orb refugees to build this stuff, their simply using their own skills to make a living for themselves]. In essence durandels position is that zaft needs to maintain military power so that they aren’t caught off guard and on the backfoot by the Atlantic federation if things do go south. A bit warhawkish of a position, but honestly a fairly reasonable one considering the north Atlantic federation has consistently expressed a desire to genocide the fuck out of the coordinators/zaft in the past. Also, cagallis only response during this is “to much power will lead to more conflict”, which is a ‘pretty sentiment’ as it were but also doesn’t entirely make sense. In the sense of, the greater military build up there is the more that conflict will arise, its an understandable sentiment but also not one that entirely plays out in reality. Durandels response is ‘there will always be conflict hence why power is necessary’ fits with the sort of sceptical side hes been highlighted as having but isn’t even the only answer you can give in that situation. Like, if you look at our modern world you could arguably say that the build up of military power to the levels its currently at has actually decreased the amount of conflict around overall, atleast in regards to war [because as war becomes more and more expensive to wage the less willing people actually are to pull that trigger and commit, the same principle behind mutually assured destruction in a way]. Or hell, WWI was horrific because of the advancement and buildup of technology sure, but its causes were more so rooted in ultranationalism and imperial gamesmanship coming to a head and causing a political breakdown of alliances and deals. Point being, cagalli has a pretty sentiment, but it doesn’t necessarily hold up to reality as it were.

- anyways, gundam jacking time by hot topic crew. We get names as well, sting for green hair, auel for blue hair, they jack the gundams [love the theme here by the way, its really good faux orchestrate violin kinda stuff with well integrated techno elements] technobabble, stellar displays kira levels of computer typing so I guess shes a computer genius now as well or maybe they all are? Whatever the case, hot topics epic gundam jack is altered by the usual dying guard pushes big red alarm button routine.

- confusion, panic, athrun jumps ontop of cagalli throwing her to the ground in a matter meant to protect her but just leaves me thinking that probably hurt, well durandels guards take the opposite approach and don’t exactly grope him but it looks a little silly how their best method to protect him in that moment is a group hug? Anyways, jacked gundams step out, we get names though no specific attachments just some guy saying “chaos, abyss, gaia?” and sting formulates the combat strategy in an effective manner directing the team to target the as yet launched suits first. Also blond girl is given a name and its stella, as auel mentions it dividing up the workload between him and her, and they proceed to star blowing shit up.

- durandel! His shocked face is weirdly adorable as he reacts in fearful surprise to information that the gundams from ‘hanger six’ have been stolen. Cagalli and athrun meanwhile look on in slack jawed shock at seeing more gundams. Speaking off, during the destruction we see some gundam gimmicks in action to wet the appetite with stellas [gaia I think] transforming into a doggo which is a ma form I love and wish we saw more often in gundam as a whole, auels [abyss I think] gundam shows off some weird wing cannon things and a fuck of chest laser, and stings [chaos I think] boring and shoots a gun but also shows off some missile compartments in his own wing things.

- luna, though I don’t think weve actually gotten her name yet, and rey though I know we haven’t gotten his name yet, make a break for some uniquely coloured zaku warriors probably intent on helping but get knocked down by the force of a blast which also impedes the zaku warriors by covering them in debris. Which shocks the both of them and clearly irritates rey.

- durandel wastes no time in taking charge the situation, calling in for backup from the Minerva and getting cagalli to be escorted to a safehouse. What is weird however is that when cagalli athrun and their escort take a wrong turn and get caught up near some of the fighting athrun pulls cagalli one way well letting the poor schmuk guard wander slowly off the other way to get caught in a blast. Only to have them take another wrong turn and have to duck and cover again. Its tense sure but a bit repetitive.

- cagalli wallows about the situation, athrun reassures her in a surprisingly tender couple of seconds, and a dinn gets cut in half and coincidentally explodes… ontop of a zaku warrior in such a way that it falls down perfectly intact in front of cagalli and athrun? Whatever the case, the invisible hand of the author practically screams at them to get in the fucking robot already through this act and its legit comical in a way. Whatever the case the two take in the destruction raging about, and athrun makes the command decision to drag cagalli off presumably to the zaku warrior.

- but before that, long launch sequence of the ‘impulse’ gundam with its yet revealed pilot. Its actually a kinda fun sequence both in animation and music, and its good for highlighting the gimmick of the impulse. Which is ripping off the victory gundams gimmick of being multiple parts that can operate independently but combine into one suit. A very toylike gimmick used by a tomino who did not give a shit, but its what were stuck with I suppose.

- cagalli continues to be three steps behind everyone as shes surprised when athrun tells her to get into the zaku warrior but im willing to cut her some slack for now and given the situation. It is annoying to have athruns impulses consistently being action, ‘I cant let you die like this’ and all that, well cagallis is frequently inaction though. What is odd is how however is how the zaku warrior opens and closes here, the hatch is clearly on the abdomen area but a protrusion on the suits chest extends out for some reason and then the protrusion retracts first before the suits hatch actually closes. It doesn’t make much sense.

- the zaku warriors up and running and stella alludes to the pilot being more so the danger then the suit itself. Regardless with the zaku warrior athruns able to put up a decent struggle, apparently the shield beam resistant, but sting interferes to very briefly put pressure on athrun before shinn interferes. That’s right, shinns very obviously the impulse pilot and we get a needlessly long assembly sequence to some cheesy heroic music as everyone watches in surprise. The suit assembles and the end credits song begins playing in the background as shinn, presumably privately, questions what the hottopic trio are doing and if they ‘want another war!’ before rushing to engage them with the ‘sword impulse’ a nice red variation of the suit with a huge double bladed sword with small beam edge in the usual seed style. Seriously it looks like the sword strikers sword doubled and were scotch tapped together its kinda funny looking. Anyways durandel gets a shot of looking on pleased at the impulses presence from a command center, as his earlier words about conflict being inevitable echo again and athrun and cagalli look on in shock. Smash to credits.

- nothing to really note about the credits, it’s a long extended shot of destroyed equipment as everyone poses dramatically. Of special note though is that it transitions from night to sunrise, with kira and lacus being the last characters in the shot looking like a married couple gazing distractedly towards the sunrise. ‘oh Charles is it not beautiful? Why yes it is emily’ they seem to say as everyone else is miserable around them. Truly the worst honeymooners, but its… definitely biased as it were thematically speaking. Also destroyed freedom gundam is I think technically the last actual thing seen in the credits.

- preview, and its some random gibberish trying to sound poetic that basically boils down to ‘we did have peace but was it only temporary because of human nature?’. Title for the next episode is ‘those who call for war’ and things end with an image of a blue impulse and the words “from the new path before you, fly, impulse!”.

[gaiatheorist]

Choppy waters.

(No idea why I picked a maritime analogy, I loathe travel by boat, if I was meant to spend time precariously perched on flotsam, at the mercy of the waves, I’d have gills, but I don’t, I’m a human, not an axolotl. Immediate cross-over, there, because the axolotl can evolve from having gills to lungs, more easily than, say Germaine Greer and her ilk can evolve into the 21st Century.)

I hate boats. Well, not boats themselves, they’re inanimate objects, expending energy ‘hating’ boats would be a bit daft, what I mean to say is that I hate being on boats, it makes me physically uncomfortable. I can swim, and I’ve never been in any sort of boat-related accident, I just don’t enjoy the sensation of being miles from solid land, all rocking and tipping and that, completely at the mercy of whoever is in charge of the boat. It’s a really easy one to unpick, my near-phobia of boats. When I was a tiny child, my Father used to take my brother and I out fishing in a rowing boat, and I HATED not-being-able-to-see-land, stuck in a floating bath-tub, with a maniac in charge of the oars. When I started the relationship with the ex, it came to light that he enjoyed boat-travel, so I patiently explained that I didn’t. Then I commenced a 20-year journey of mollifying and appeasing him, and trying not to vomit on boats, because he didn’t ‘do’ sick, and his-needs-were-more-important. “Get over it!” said my ex, much like Germaine Greer.

My Dad, and my ex were both controlling men, not all men are controlling, Not all men want to make me feel at-risk. Not all men want to put me on a boat after I’ve said I’d really rather not be on a boat. (”But it’s not a boat, it’s a yacht, you’ll be fine!”- that one was when I was still breast-feeding the kid, have you ever tried to breast-feed on a yacht? It was horrible, insisting that ‘his’ wife and infant son go on his boss’ yacht for kudos man-points.) Not all feminists want to tell us to ‘get over it’, essentially to ‘man up.’ 

The older feminists are taking exception to this surge, this current of younger feminists, making another incremental push towards more-equal. I don’t know if I’m ‘allowed’ to call myself a feminist, with my tendency to generally-conceal my outwardly visible femininity, falling in the gap between the old, and the new, there. Sod it, there are no rules, the ‘new’ feminists can wear make-up and floaty frocks if they want, I’ll sit here in jeans and a hoodie, not-agreeing with the ‘old’ feminists, so, so many ways I’m ‘betwixt’ one thing and another. More Stig of the Dump than ‘the missing link’, fully engaged in my Crone-phase, I suppose I ‘should’ side with the old-school feminists. I don’t do ‘should’, though, do I? It’s a good thing I don’t drive, because the whole ‘pick a lane’ thing doesn’t sit well with me. (Oh, and I’d be one of those ‘women drivers.’) Maybe I am an axolotl after all, because ‘static’ isn’t really my thing.

The world got a little bit static, didn’t it? There was most-of a cultural shift way-back-when, when the ‘dusty desert dwelling gents’ mostly-stopped selling their daughters, then it slowed. My knowledge of history is mostly based on TV dramas, perhaps not so much ‘Britannia’, which is batshit insane, but I do love a good female-leader story. Boudicca-style, not Margaret Thatcher, or Theresa May. The Suffragettes did their bit, and then we had another static period, until the bra-burning and birth control advanced ‘the cause’ another notch. Here we go, ladies, gentlemen, and others, here comes another turn of the wheel, the ‘shrieking’ isn’t the ‘new’ feminists, as Ms Greer would have the world believe, it’s the ‘old’ feminists, digging in their (sensible) heels, and trying to stop the wheel turning, lest the ‘progress’ somehow undoes what they fought for. Stop resisting, old-feminists, as much as yonder orange clown, who didn’t look up what it was he was re-tweeting, wants to roll-back on the reproductive autonomy you fought for, you DID make those changes, and history won’t forget them. 

Various people are minimising the culture that still exists, in respect of the ‘Presidents Club’ furore, and the Aziz Ansari issue. That’s what needs to stop, the repression of the shudder of revulsion at a load of moneyed-men groping ‘hostesses’ just because they could, and poor old ‘Grace’ trying to find another word for ‘No.’, because Ansari didn’t hear that one. Society as a whole can’t keep falling back into the shadows of ‘boys will be boys’, or we accept the status-quo, and the foundation work really is undone. Greer and co  did that work, nobody can ever take that away, BUT, by asserting that ‘they’ had to put up with a lot of ‘handsy men’, and suggesting that the ‘new’ feminists should ‘get on with it’, I feel that a point is being missed. You know that thing, where a person says “Try one of these crisps, they’re HORRIBLE.” or “I’ve made you a cup of tea, but I think the milk is past its best.”, that’s what Greer and co are doing. “Well, this is awful, but it’s all we have, better soldier on.” No, no, and a thousand times no.

There is no denying that society and culture were more difficult for Greer’s generation, the advances they made were phenomenal, EVERY daughter is indebted to them, but to accuse these new-daughters of ‘whining’, for not just-getting-on-with the status quo they were seeking to challenge in the first place, they’re not just halting progress; they run the risk of reversing their own. Nobody is minimising the misogyny that Greer’s generation lived through, and sought to challenge, nobody is denying the progress made, but, to hold that level of progress as the apex we can aspire to isn’t enough for us ‘daughters’. Yes, we can have a career, rather than being barefoot-and-pregnant, but recent events have proved that we’re really not ‘having our cake and eating it too.’ (I’m not going to veer-off on the body-image-diet-plan tangent for once.) 

Between-generations, and without a ‘daughter’, I’m coming at this one from a bit of a tangled starting point. My parents were an utter omnishambles in terms of instilling any type of aspiration in me, I was ‘supposed to be a boy’, like every first-born on my father’s line forever, and my mother was terrified of men. She had reason to be. The ex’s family were very traditional in terms of gender stereotypes, the women might as well have had caps and aprons for all the autonomy they had in real terms. I REALLY rocked that particular boat, by refusing to be quiet and go back into the kitchen. If I had a list of aspirations, popularity wouldn’t be on it. I was “This girl can” shocking and defying the in-laws 20 years ago, and I haven’t spent 40 years defending myself and deflecting dubious digits from about my person to ‘sit down and shut up’ now.

Yes, they are difficult conversations, yes, a lot of it is quite uncomfortable, but we, as a society can’t continue to dismiss the ‘keep trying’ mentality in Ansari, or the blatant abuse of power at the Presidents Club. Yes, these things do happen, but they don’t have to. Greer and co telling us to ‘toughen up’ only stagnates progress. A certain type of older lady, clutching her pearls, and being aghast that ‘Grace’ was in that position at all runs the risk of reversing progress.

Choppy waters, it’s a cyclic thing, Greer and co are effectively Betamax, telling the rest of us that VHS will never catch on. The pearl-clutching-ladies, and the odious swines who “did not witness anything of that nature” at the Presidents Club are old-people-trying-to-use-a-computer. No, ‘we’ youngsters can’t all do long division in our heads, or recite Latin verb-endings, but we also don’t have to have twelve children by the age of 30, in case some of them die. The world is changing, it’s not 1900, or 1960, or even 2000, the pace-of-change has been ratcheting up the gears (don’t skew-off to the bloody Doomsday Clock.) it can’t ‘stop’ here, because this-is-how-it-has-always-been. We’re seeing the opposition to progress that others might have seen at the end of the Witch-trials, or the crossover between shitting in a trench and the introduction of sanitation. 

The ‘new’ feminists aren’t ‘weaker’ than the originals for complaining about issues that the older ones ‘put up with’, the point of a movement is that it keeps moving, I’m not preaching unrealistic-expectations, just progress. I’ve crafted this particular life to protect myself against some known-inequalities, my son has seen a ‘strong woman’ as a role model most of the time, he hasn’t seen all the times I’ve had to peel off wandering hands that men felt entitled to place on me. He has seen my frustration turn into resentment at his father, and that wasn’t healthy, but it kept him connected to grandparents he adores, I suppose the end justified the means there, even if his grandparents enabled a lot of my ex’s coercive and manipulative behaviours. I’m small-collateral there, I’m out of that now. 

The ‘new’ feminists AREN’T undoing the progress of the ‘old’ ones if they decide to wear make-up, or skirts, as much as I bang on about not painting my face, or wearing clothes that make me look ‘available’, the progress made by the ‘old’ feminists can’t be held-stagnant in crew-cuts and dungarees. At that point, it ceases to be progress, and becomes a plateau. What I think the ‘old’ feminists are failing to see is the element of personal choice, which was what they were fighting for all along. I joke about not wearing make-up, and mooching about the place in jeans and hoodies, I haven’t ‘had a hair-cut’ since 2014, just because I don’t buy into the aesthetic-angle, that doesn’t give me the right to criticise anyone who does. ‘Men’ are not animals, the vast majority of them don’t go around licking us because we smell nice, but that undercurrent, that perception that they will-because-they-can is what the ‘new’ feminists are, rightly, challenging. Even if ‘we’ do wear pink, or have hair-styles, that doesn’t mean we’re back-to-before, all dainty and helpless, because progress has been made. 

Right then, choppy waters to navigate, and this storm WILL get worse before it gets better, nobody ever discovered new territory by staying where they were, or turning back around to the relative safety of where they were before that. Humanity needs to start pulling in the same direction, and not be distracted by certain parties sticking their oar in where it’s not needed.