#the statue garden of the Interior is one of my favorites though

[rathayibacter]

🌼

Share something beautiful from one of your games (name the game, or let me choose). This is a small thing, but I really adore the rank 4 ability for Disparateum's Knight role.

at the pinnacle of their strength, your character's greatest power is that they're never wrong to trust someone. that's not to say they're never hurt or betrayed, cuz that can absolutely still happen— its just that you always know for sure that it'll work out in the end. i like that a lot.

[spicebiter]

Stardew Valley Mod Recommendations

My roommate is gonna be playing Stardew Valley soon and asked me for mod recommendations. As I have over 100 active mods and that's a lot to send links to, and I love to talk, I decided to just make a post about my favorites.

I will leave links and a small blurb about many under the cut (this is gonna get long) but I'll be separating things into categories like Gameplay, Quality of Life, Visuals, and of course Expansions on the story and such.

Time to be overly thorough

Expansions

Stardew Valley Expanded - I'm sure this is a common recommendation but I find it's solid. The mod covers multiple additions from new characters, a new farm layout, and additional story arcs and realms to explore. It works well and nothing feels far off from the original game, and the integration of new characters with pre-existing is extremely well done.

Ridgeside Village - Another fairly popular expansion. This one is, imo, not quite as solid as SVE in that it has a few bugs and is a touch less complete but considering its size there's bound to be a problem or two. Integration with the vanilla game is also less seamless with the villagers typically being in their own off shoot during events, though given that this is a somewhat separate town that's also not a downside so much as something you might like to know.

DeepWoods - My favorite small expansion. Essentially the mines but a forest. This one is still a work in progress as there is a story being introduced to work alongside the forest's inner workings but its bones are very solid. Has a sword in the stone, a unicorn, and is a wonderful source of hardwood.

Hat Shop Restoration - What it says on the tin, really. Fixes up the hat mouse's shop. I find this one really cute. Hat mouse deserves a nice house :3

Textures and Appearance Overhauls

Less Ugly Spouse Rooms - Pretty straightforward. The same person has a mod for the interiors of the town but I personally prefer this one alone.

Seasonal Outfits - A very nice mod giving characters a new look every season, whose creator has also made one for the characters in SVE. A few of the portraits are overhauled more than others- I personally turn off the Elliot module because I like his original portrait and this mod changes him quite a bit.

Garden Statue Obelisks - Not a texture pack but a full replacement of the obelisks with classical-style statues.

Elle's Cat Replacements, Dog Replacements, New Barn Animals, and New Coop Animals - Recolors for the animals, in a nutshell. With multiple colors for every animal you can set up your ideal look, and even change your barn animals to deer and alpaca. In the same vein:

Truffle Foxes - Replaces the pigs with foxes. I'm a big fan of foxes so this one was just indulgent for me, honestly.

Medieval Buildings - Allows you to change the structures on your farm to a more medieval style. Most have multiple options for style and amount of greenery, and each one can be turned off completely if you'd like to preserve the look of any specific structure. This mod creator has an extensive line of mods to match this one, including one to apply to the whole of Pelican town and another to change the look of craftable items but I'm personally satisfied with the farm buildings alone.

Catcrows - A simple re-texture for the various scarecrows to make them cat themed. Can be toggled between normal cats and themed cats to match the variety of the rarecrows

Dynamic Reflections - Deceptively simple in title but a newfound favorite of mine. Puts your reflection on bodies of water for an added layer of depth but also reflects the night sky on clear days. I didn't think having this mod would make much of a difference for me but it really does make me more keen to walk about at night.

Note: The following furniture texture packs I will be recommending are not applied directly but are customizable through the use of the Alternative Textures mod. With this mod you can choose between any number of texture options these packs provide for individual furniture pieces.

Aster's Big Furniture Pack - A texture pack with a slew of different options. There's a lot of very cute options ranging from basic alternatives for bed appearances to turning furniture into a large bathtub.

Industrial Furniture - Another texture pack, this one providing a more modern/industrial feeling to furniture.

Quality of Life and Gameplay Changes

Almanac - This one is nice to have without being too 'immersion breaking', I like to think. A farmer's almanac, essentially, that lets you know when the last ideal day to plant crops occurs, where and when to find fish, and weather patterns for the coming season. Information like what can be found on each floor of the mines and your luck for each day can be toggled on or off depending on your preference.

Lookup Anything - A little bit like having the wiki in game. This one might seem a little more on the cheat side but if you planned to have the wiki open anyway this saves you a lot of trouble. As far as I know it doesn't have an option to show villager schedules but otherwise provides most of the information you'll need.

UI Info Suite - Puts little icons below the clock menu indicating a variety of things that can be toggled on or off according to preference including but not limited to when the traveling cart is in town, what your luck for the day is, daily birthdays, and if it will rain the next day. Extremely helpful; if I could only have one of the three already mentioned here this would be my first choice.

Timespeed - Another one that can seem a bit like a cheat at first given that you can completely stop time with a single button press, which admittedly can be handy, but this one can be used in a much more fair way. Ten minutes in Stardew Valley only takes 8 seconds to pass and even before expanding the gameplay and story options this can seem like not enough. I personally have it set to give me 20 seconds per ten in-game minutes which is only a little more than double vanilla speed but makes it feel like I actually have time for the things I need to do. This one is customizable down to the way time moves in different areas and time speed can be changed outside of its setup menu temporarily for when you need time to move faster or slower than you have it set briefly.

Bigger Backpack - A third backpack expansion that costs 50,000 gold (though this can be set to a different price if so desired). Another handy one given just how much certain expansions can add.

Friends Forever - Removes relationship decay from the game. Already a solid QoL type addition but even more so if you choose to mod in expansions- The character roster fills up quick.

Free Love - Lets you marry/live with multiple characters.

NPC Map Locations - What it says on the tin, really. Removes a lot of guesswork and need to look up character's schedules. Even works with many expansions.

Sit for Stamina - I find this one to add some realism. It's kinda silly to waste the day when you could just take a break once your stamina is low.

Instant Tool Upgrades - No more wait for upgrades. Feels very gracious when you're in early game, especially.

Auto Animal Doors - Opens and closes the barn and coop doors at designated times. These times can be set according to preference and you can set this mod to only work for a certain level of barn and coop if you'd like to treat it as a perk of upgrading.

Skip Fishing Minigame - I mean... c'mon...

Extended Minecart - I just think it's neat. It's not the most necessary mod but the longer you play the more I feel that that little walk from the bus stop to home is a slog, y'know?

Deluxe Journal - Lets you make custom tasks and take notes. Sooo helpful when you have trouble remembering what you were working at last time you played.

And that's it!

This is a non-exhaustive list, of course. I only included my favorites so there's no accounting for personal aesthetics and varying gameplay styles but if you're not sure what to get this can hopefully give you some ideas.

[iasmelaion]

Fun and/or delightful things said by my assorted tour guides during this trip to Lisbon:

After I asked if people study Spanish in school in Portugal: “No, it's too close to Portuguese. Of course, we all think we can speak Spanish, but we can't.”

During our food tour (with Devour btw, highly recommended in any of the cities they do tours in!), our half Italian, half Ethiopian tour guide who’s been living in Lisbon for a decade: “I don’t know why the Portuguese don’t eat vegetables. They have them. And yet on the menus it’s all meat and fish.”

(This dude also gave us the A++++ tips of: enter the Livraria Bertrand via the cafe entrance on the side, much less crowded, and visit the Estufia Fria, which was a truly lovely and surprisingly big botanical garden. A quiet and peaceful respite during the trip!)

(Also, this dude’s tragic backstory: half Italian, and allergic to tomatoes :( Though he did constantly shit talk Italian food for being too boring and set in its ways lol.)

When we got to the big market with fresh fruits and veggies: “See, they have vegetables!”

About all the explorers and colonizers etc: “You know, they say these guys did it all for the glory of Portugal, but come on! They did it for the money!” (Appreciated that this guy also mentioned, hey, we have all these monuments about the Age of Discovery, but none memorializing its evils and horrors.”)

Dueling opinions about the pasteis de nata: food tour guy said Manteigaria has the best (though he allowed that Castro’s were pretty good too), other guide said the originals in Belem are the best. First tour guide said forget about pasteis de nata, Sintra’s pastries are where it’s at.

Coolest sights:

Unfortunately, the major parks and sights in Sintra were closed due to wildfire risk. It was still neat to visit the town though!

Cabo de Roca, the westernmost point of continental Europe was a surprisingly neat stop on one of our tours. Super windy, but neat to say you’ve been there.

The Jeronimos Monastery. Should you ever go, I really recommend booking a tour if only to skip the longest line, because holy shit that line was enormous. Anyway, the Manueline architecture is gorgeous.

Igreja de Sao Domingo. Fascinating story and interior. We stopped in during our food tour, and it’s so interesting to see the building’s history of disaster and reconstruction written on it so plainly.

The enormous Time Out Market that houses curated restaurants in a food court setting one one side and a traditional market on the other is just super neat and it’s worth it just to take in the atmosphere.

The MAAT museum was fine, but tbh, the view of the Tagus River and statue of Christ Redeemer from their cafe was lovely. Worth eating a light meal or having a coffee here and just relaxing!

God I wish we had a culture of nice, big public squares with great architecture and plenty of cafes and benches in the US. I know there are some on the East Coast, but here on the West Coast, we just have the occasional little park :( Every single such square we saw in Lisbon was lovely.

The Estufia Fria, as mentioned above.

The National Tile Museum! Sounds boring, but it was both interesting and super impressive.

Gulbenkian Museum. Now this is how insanely rich dudes should spend their money: collecting massive amounts of art and then putting it all on display in a museum in perpetuity after their deaths. Great collection of Egyptian, Near Eastern, Chinese, Japanese, and European art, plus a stunning though small-ish Lalique collection.

Mostly though we just wandered around, which is honestly my favorite thing to do in a new to me city, and while the hills are punishing, Lisbon is a great city to wander in.

Most delicious things I ate:

Gotta agree with food tour guy, it was the Mantegiaria pasteis de nata for me.

Meat sushi??? It was cooked, but it still felt like a great sushi innovation.

Chocolate cake from Landeau. Life-ruiningly good. All other chocolate cakes will pale in comparison.

Some astonishingly good Indian/Nepalese food, somewhat surprisingly. Some of the best naan I’ve ever had, and their dishes were presented so beautifully. Like, I like Indian food just fine in America! It’s basically always tasty! But this was on another level, and still comparable in price to the nicer Indian restaurants in the States.

Some of the best roasted chicken I’ve ever had in my life. Very simply prepared, but so tender and tasty.

Ate at one (1) fine dining restaurant, and damn, okay, that’s what the prices are about. I had duck breast and the dish as a whole was just exceptional.

Some very good gelato at the packed and bustling Time Out Market. Such a cool spot, I honestly wish every city had a version of this. (I know LA kind of does, but I like that the Time Out Market is curated.)

At the other end of the spectrum, a suspiciously cheap restaurant near our hotel that nonetheless had phenomenal food. Straightforward Portuguese with a twist food, presented beautifully with pretty generous portion sizes. Seriously though, it was so cheap I actually felt kind of guilty about it. Also they were cash only?? And had weird hours?? So maybe it’s a front? But the hotel recommended it and they’ve been in business for 50 years! So whatever, if it is a front, thank you to whatever mob boss is supporting their relative’s culinary dreams. Anyway, best chocolate mousse and sangria I’ve had to date, and the mains were good too. Truly felt like we got away with something eating mains, drinks, and dessert for two for 36 euros.

Our hotel brought us fresh pastries for breakfast every morning, and the chocolate croissants were especially delicious.

Okay, I know ginjinha is traditional and all here, but. Listen. It tastes like especially alcoholic cough syrup. (The booze-soaked cherry included in the shot glass was good tho) The white wine port I had at the suspiciously cheap restaurant, on the other hand, was absolutely delicious.

[smashboxgirl26]

in another life — i admired you from afar.

regency au for @deartouya for the 900 follower event!! i hope you like it venus! (i think it's my favorite one actually hehe i wanted to add so much more)

You clearly remembered the day of the Todoroki's arrival due to the sweltering heat present — the air humid and the lazy buzzing of cicadas over the hilltops — and how, despite the conditions, your mother insisted on you wearing a heavy, beaded, long sleeved gown while your sisters were allowed to remain in their cheaper printed cotton ones.

("You must capture his attention as the only real lady present," she scolded. "Real ladies are not tortured by the heat.")

You found yourself already winded when your carriage stopped in front of their estate as your two sisters attempted to bustle their way out of the carriage first, while you only sat fanning yourself to try and keep the sweat from pouring into your eyes.

"Behave," your mother directed a glare towards your sisters. "It was kind enough of Mrs. Todoroki to invite us for tea based only on our acquaintance with her sister. Do not make her regret that decision."

They nodded, of course, before attempting to race each other to get inside first while your mother pursed her lips. You followed behind her, taking in their beautifully trimmed rose bushes and gardens: though they didn't hold a candle to the interior of their house — freshly painted golden archways and french, hand painted floral wallpaper. Every piece seemed so specifically chosen to emmersify their space, from the paintings that were hung on the walls to the couple of statues and busts lining the hallway.

"Mrs. Todoroki," your mother bowed as you'd all entered the drawing room.

"Mrs. L/N," she smiled warmly. Mrs. Todoroki was beautiful — her intricately embroidered dress resting perfectly over her shape and silver hair styled to rest just over her shoulders. She appeared to have been reading on her lounge chair.

Another pair of eyes caught your attention, a smoldering blue from the corner of the room at a desk — held by a frowning man who held a glare in your direction.

"Allow me to introduce you all to my son," she continued, gesturing toward him. "Touya, come here."

("You must be dying in that." His eyes pointed towards your velvet dress — ignoring his mother's silent plea for formality.

"I'm doing just all right, thank you."

"I can tell you're lying by the sweat lining your forehead.")

[axwalker]

CREEP: I’m a creep

HIGH SCHOOL AU 

Pairing: Drake Walker and Lexie O’Brien -- Book TRR 

A/N 1 This came up to me after I got an ask from @nestledonthaveone

I was listening to my iPod on my way home from work yesterday & Radiohead's Creep came on. One of my favorite songs, and I think the lyrics are great for an angsty Drake fic. It reminds me of him. Could you please write an angsty fic inspired by the song? I love how you write angst!!

I used to hear this song when I was a teenager, so when I read this ask, I immediately wanted to write something angsty but situated in high school.

This is part one of two. 

I hope you enjoy it @nestledonthaveone 💕

A/N 2: Because they’re younger than usual, I decided to change my  FC --just for this fic. I’m still picturing Michiel and Valerie when they’ll be older though. 

A/N3: I’m participating in @wackydrabbles Prompt #105   It's definitely ... interesting.”

Thank you ladies! 

WARNINGS: Parental abuse. Eventually some lemons.  ALL MY FICS ARE 18+ 

Tags in the comments. 

LEXIE 

I’ve always loved sunsets. The entire sky is painted orange and pink, streaking with white light and many other colors; I can’t take my eyes away from it. Sunsets remind us that no matter what is happening in our lives, the sun will be out again tomorrow. It’s raw, beautiful, and comforts me—the thought of the sun watching over me. I sit on my porch, my knees against my chest. I’m wearing a white tank top and jean shorts to fight the intense heat that invades Cordonia in early September.  I fix my eyes on the sky, wishing a miracle. Something that takes me away from my father and his new wife. Away from the pain of losing mom.

“What are you doing?” The voice is so resonant, deep, and rasping. Slowly, I sit up and look around, pushing my long, brown hair out of my eyes. I raise my head, and I see him. Drake Walker. 

 My breath catches, and I cross my arms over my breasts, knowing the thin material of my shirt isn’t keeping me remotely modest. What is he doing here? At this time, no less. I go to school with Drake. We’re both sophomores at Valtoria High School. He’s six foot two, with strong shoulders, and has a knowledge of life in his eyes that boys our age simply don’t possess. We have five classes together, and he sits through them like a statue, his chocolate eyes unreadable. Tall, dark, and angry. Handsome in a hard way that makes the other girls nervous when he walks down the hallways. Not me, though. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve stared at him from behind my locker door, breath trapped in my lungs, wondering what he’s thinking of behind his brooding eyes. 

“I asked, what are you doing? This isn’t a safe place to be alone at night. You should get inside.” 

“Inside is no safer.” Why would I say that? My first time talking with this boy, and I tell him my deepest secret? His eyes narrow at me.“I mean, there’s not a lot of crime in this part of Portavira.” That loosens the tension in his broad shoulders. “I’m looking at the sunset. I love it. It’s so beautiful and wild.” I bit my bottom lip noticing his eyes dip to catch the action. 

“It’s definitely ... interesting,” he says, noncommittally. “There are things I like more.” 

“Like what?” I ask. 

He shrugs but looks back down at me, wrestling with something. He lifts a hand, brushing the very tip of his fingers down my cheekbone. “You,” he rasps.

Drake’s deep brown eyes look at me with something I’m only on the cusp of understanding. Is it…lust? His fingers move down my jaw, traveling slowly over the hollow of my throat to tease one of my tank top’s straps. “I like you. I can’t seem to stop��wanting. Wanting you to look at me. Wanting you…period. It’s why I sit behind you in all your classes, O’Brien. You don’t know that?” My knees start to tremble. I’ve always wondered how we end up in the same classes every single semester. He’s arranged for it to happen? He…likes me? That much? Say something, dork. Don’t act like it’s not mutual. 

 As if I haven’t lain my bed after school, when no one is at home and touched myself while thinking of Drake Walker. I must be doing a terrible job of keeping that secret to myself because Drake’s breath begins to grow shallow. “O’Brien.” He drops his forehead to mine, the pads of his thumb rubbing the soft skin of my neck. “Have you ever been kissed?”

I can’t talk, so I shake my head. 

“Please,” he groans. “Let me.” 

My head is spinning. “Let you what?” 

“Kiss you. Finally.” His hands move to cradle my head, making me feel delicate, like something special. His minty breath is close to my ear, setting off an ache low in my belly. “I need to kiss you, O’Brien. I need it.” He leans down and kisses the corner of my lips in the most torturous, exquisite way. My heart is beating wildly in my chest when he puts his soft lips on mine for the first time. My first kiss is an amazing one. He bends his head, and his mouth finds mine with soft pressure. I thought he would be rough or impatient may be clumsy, but I didn’t expect the gentle way his lips caress mine. The way he coaxes my own lips apart before I’m even aware of it. My knees buckle, but he holds me firmly against him. He kisses me as if this wasn’t our first time but our last. It’s the most erotic moment of my life, but all too son Drake leaves my lips. I only feel urgency. Want so deep that it burns inside of me.  It has existed between us all along, hasn’t it? Not one-sided. A yearning pull between two people, orbiting each other in the earthly, incongruous setting of school. 

Drake opens his mouth to say something, but my name is shouted in the distance. From inside the house. With glittering eyes, Drake drops his hands to his side, though it obviously pains him to do so. He gives me a chaste kiss on my cheek. One second later, the back door of my house opens, revealing my father, his imposing frame backlit by the interior. 

“Alexis!” I start to tremble; I try to speak, but I can’t. ““What are you doing out here this late?” There’s a tight smile in his voice. “Did you come out here to retrieve the handyman?” I do a double-take, noticing the strain forming around the corners of Drake’s mouth. 

“Handyman?” 

“Yes.” My father chuckles, coming forward to clap a hand down on Drake’s tense shoulder. “He’s here to repair a leak in the attic. Liam called you by the way.” Drake can’t look at me now, his gaze cast over my shoulder. Empty. A minute ago, we were equals. But my father’s words have called into focus one very important thing. I’m rich, and he’s very poor. It just didn’t matter. To me, it still doesn’t. But the economic divide between us is deepening by the second. 

“Why don’t you get to it?” My father suggests to Drake, his tone hard. “Alexis has to study. She is going places.”

 I down my gaze to the ground, humiliation burning up my throat. My father is an expert at belittling people, and he’s just done it to Drake. I want to say something to make it better, to defend Drake, but I know I’ll only be making it worse. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to offer Drake an apology. At school. I’ll talk to him then. 

“Yes, sir,” Drake responds stiffly, turning on his boots and stalking toward the house. Behind his back, my father reaches over and digs his thumb into my bicep until I double over, releasing a silent scream. He lets go a moment before Drake glances back over his shoulder, eyes hooded, and my expression is serene. Because I know better than to let anyone see the pain. My father has never been physically abusive, but his temper is getting worse. He hated mom and he’s taking it out on me. As soon as we’re in the house, I run up the stairs to my room and lock the door, leaning back against it. Listening to Drake’s boots walk back and forth in the attic. More than anything, I want to go up there. Feel his hands on me again. Cherishing hands, instead of hateful ones. I ache for that. For him. But an hour later, Drake leaves, and that’s when I face the consequences. My father knocks on my door. When I open it, the look on his eyes let me know it’s going to be worse than usual. 

“If I ever see you talking to that boy again, so help me God, I’ll kick you out of this house.” His face is contorted with rage. “Then, I’ll ruin him, too. I’ll make his life even harder in this town. You know I can do it. I can have him cast off that filthy land and no one will ever hire him again. Is that what you want?” 

“No,” I whisper. 

“No,” he sneers, mocking me. “Never look at him again. Do you hear me? My daughter does not associate with penniless dirt. The only boy you’re allow to date is Liam Rys. No one else.” 

“I won’t. I promise.” 

“See that you keep that promise. Or you’ll both pay the price.” And I pay a good deal of it that night when dad slaps me for the first time. The next day at school, I don’t look at Drake in the hallway. I don’t pause in the doorway of our classes, absorbing the sight of him waiting at the desk behind me. I simply keep my head down and try not to show the bruise on my cheek. On my body and my heart. I could never have predicted he would hate me for it.

 Drake

 Two years later 

I walk past O’Brien in the hallway and slam my fist against the locker to her left, making her jump. Shame, frustration, and resentment have been like a poison inside me, rotting my bones every second of the last two years, ever since that night in her garden when she tricked me into thinking she felt the same. Maybe she did. Until her father reminded her that I’m nothing but a poor handyman. Yeah, she remembered pretty quickly that she’s better than me. Good enough to date a rich quarterback like Rys but definitely not a low life like me. Rich, stuck-up brat. What’s worse is that she fucking ruined me with those lips. She brought me to my knees. Made me reveal myself in ways I’ve never done with anyone. And now? Now she’s left me lonely and fuck-starved for two years. Obsessed with her, unable to let her go and hating her guts for it. Because she won’t even look at me anymore. I’m nothing but the dirt beneath her spotless sneakers. Two years ago, I decided that if she was going to make my life hell by ignoring me after what we shared, then I could return the favor. So I do. By tormenting her. That’s the only term for it. I torture her, and I hate that—I fucking hate it—but so be it. My jaw is close to shattering as I watch O’Brien calmly collect the books from her locker and hurry toward our next class. On top of being a bully, I’m also a masochist because I still trick the school into having the same five classes every year. My aunt Leona works in the front office, and she feels bad for me because of my dad dying and my mom abandoning me when I was still in middle school, leaving me in the trailer alone. Not bad enough to invite me to live with her family, but bad enough that she slips me O’Brien’s schedule every semester so I can match it to mine. Before I follow her, I stop at her locker, sliding something in it, and continue on my way. When I walk into class behind her a moment later, I slow to a stop in the doorway at the sight of Rys kneeling to speak with O’Brien where she sits at her desk—cajoling a smile out of her. She refused to date him two years ago, but fucking Liam didn’t get the memo. No one has as much money as his father in this town. If  Rys is asking her out again, she’d probably say yes. If I let it get that far, which I won’t. I never do. She’s mine. Only mine. 

[keltonwrites]

Where no one knows your name

How many times is a person meant to make new friends? When I moved into an apartment in DC with an absolutely iconic girl from Craigslist, I wrote in my journal, “you never know when you’ll meet your next bridesmaid.” Charmingly juvenile, as I was 24 years old. Ironic, as I never had any bridesmaids. And embarrassing, knowing I wrote something that’s surely been embroidered on a bachelorette party t-shirt by now. My point was: you can meet people you fall in love with anywhere, anytime, assuming your heart (and calendar) are open. Now my heart and calendar are open and I am one of Elizabeth Bennet’s sad sisters, cloying and desperate for attention while everyone at the ball ignores me. Meeting people here is unnerving and hapless and eye-clawingly vulnerable. My first new friend told me she was moving away in a few months. Do you invest deeply in hopes of another faraway friendship? Do you just go back to waving as you pass on the street? I like this girl! What an embarrassing thing to have to say to someone! Do you just invite people to every and anything like a lunatic? I can’t even remember to call the people I am forever-and-ever in cahoots with. I’m also deeply bound by what I’ll call the Movie Trap: say it’s 3pm during not-a-pandemic, and you get the urge to see a movie. You look at the showings, and there’s one you really want to see at 7:15. You think to yourself, “I should make an effort,” and you text a friend. “Hey, you wanna go see This Cool Movie at 7:15 tonight?” No one ever says yes. Don’t give me an example of when someone has, because it’s always one of these answers:

“Oooh, I’m actually seeing it with Kate tomorrow - wanna come?”

“Can we go to the 9pm showing? Stuck at work.”

“Yeah but let’s see Movie You’ll Fucking Hate instead.”

Now maybe I’m just lighting flares guiding you to the worst parts of my personality, but this drives me nuts. No, Liz, I don’t want to go tomorrow. I want to go tonight. At 7:15. So I can be in bed by 10. And you’d have to drag my dead body and prop open my eyes to get me to see something like Marriage Story in theaters. The Movie Trap is a big reason I usually hang out by myself, or I make plans weeks in advance. (Don't I sound like a blast.) Just the idea of being like, “I like you! Wanna hang out in October?” makes me want to collapse into a puddle of sad adulthood. Which is why on Friday at 4:30pm, when a girl I’d met a week prior asked if I wanted to grab a drink, I just said yes. I put on a pretty dress, did my makeup, put stuff in a purse, and drove the 25 minutes to town. It was really fun! And how novel to have new contacts in my phone like “Maggie blue house” and “Jess concert friend” — a throwback to the days of “Greg guy on L train” and “Devon ad party.” The very concept of not knowing someone’s last name or even needing it, and a year from now updating their contact info and smiling at your origin story. But for the most part, no one is in our phones. In terms of phone numbers collected, here is the list:

Two friends we knew prior who thank god you guys exist.

New friend who is moving away.

New friend who is game to drink tequila and ride mountain bikes.

Neighbor-not-yet-friend who I really fucking like and am not sure how to cross hang-out threshold with.

​Not to say there aren’t any other prospects or people I’m platonically gaga over, but I don’t have their phone numbers. There are honestly a lot of people like this because when you live in a small town (and you’re from the Midwest) you say “oop, sorry” to every person/object you bump into, and you say “hi :)” to every person you see. These are the rules. If I drive by you and don’t wave, it’s because I was so deep in a daydream I probably shouldn’t have been driving in the first place. This isn’t acceptable, because in our urgency to tattoo our vaccination status on our foreheads so we can make friends, it turns out just driving by someone can be a viable strategy. A few days ago, a man was driving by our kitchen window and then our driveway, and then he reversed back up to the kitchen window and started waving. Ben went outside — it was that kind of wave. The man had seen from his car a smokejumper emblem on the back of a truck in our driveway. “Hey, are you a smokejumper?” We aren’t. But my dad was, and he was in town visiting, accompanied by the emblem on the back of his truck. The guy said we should drink sometime. Numbers were not exchanged. We’ll call that a node, because it’s not quite a connection. And it’s mainly nodes, waiting to be connected, to have relevance. But first, no matter who you’re trying to befriend, you have to answer everyone else’s Do I Care Quiz. The quiz is employed by 93% of locals to determine how they feel about you existing within their personal 50-mile radius. The first question is non negotiable:

1) Are you visiting?

Variations on this question include “how long are you in town?” or “what brings y’all to town?” or my least favorite and most insulting, “did you just finish Jeeping?” I know I have blonde hair and say y’all, but how dare you. (Also, to be clear, you can own a Jeep, customize your Jeep, mod out your Jeep, and love your Jeep, but you’re not Jeeping until you drive too fast through a tiny town so you can hurl your Jeep over a mountain pass without ever getting out of it.) So the answer to “are you visiting” is “no, I live here.” Which brings us to the next question, my favorite for how loaded the gun, kneeling in the grass, scope on, target locked it is.

2) Are you part-time or full-time?

The first time I answered this question, I didn’t realize it was essentially like asking how someone voted in the 2020 election. The judgment was cocked and ready and the palpable relief/joy/or at the very least, tolerance, exuded by answering “full-time” was like when the sun comes out from behind the clouds on a 40 degree day. I was fine, but wow that does feel better. The third question though does not have a standard hoped-for answer. This is where nodes turn to connections turn to phone numbers.

3) What brings you here?

It seems like the best possible answer would be saying you work in town, and you’re going to begin construction on displaced-worker housing to ensure the people who run this town can actually live in it. We’d have everyone’s phone number. Saying you’re a writer who works remotely and bought a house from a legendary and beloved local who could no longer afford it is really something you keep to yourself. But in the interest of making friends, I just word vomit my entire history. We might as well find out at the onset if I make your eyes roll back into your skull. Not at all threatening that all it takes is a single social signal misinterpreted to be the absolute death knell of my ability to make friends in a town of some 1400 adults. In fact, I’ll share one such interaction. I was hiking with Cooper, about 5 miles by foot away from my house. I was on a trail, crossing a sloped meadow, and a group was traversing up the hillside to the trail. I said hi, where y’all coming from. One girl answered and we talked about the trail. She eyed me up and down. “Did you just move here?” “I did!” “I served your family last week,” she said. “Oh,” that phrasing. “Must have been my in-laws.” “Heard you bought Jack’s house. Such a bummer when locals like that are forced out.” “We didn’t even know about his house,” I said. “We were looking at another house and he asked his realtor if he could get us to come see his house. We just loved it, and him!” She had no emotional reaction to this. “You moved from California?” she asked. (Dangerous question.) “Yeah, got these sea level lungs, haha,” attempting to disarm with humor was a failure, “but couldn’t be happier to be out of California.” “It’s not like this all year. Winter’s really hard here, you’re in for a rude awakening.” “Well California’s the last place I lived, but I’m not from there. I’ve lived in brutal winters. At least Colorado gets sun!” I laugh with cloaked loathing. “It’s different when you live at altitude,” she said, like no human aside from her had ever been literally anywhere. “Are you trying to go around?” She indicated the path behind her. “No, y’all go ahead, just gonna wait to give you your space. I’m sure you’re faster than me.” “K, good luck making it to the lake." Maybe she was thirsty. Maybe she was hungover. Maybe she just has vicious delivery, but it felt like every blade of grass was leaning against the wind to listen. She was with four other people and not one of them said a word. I left that interaction not wanting to see another human ever again. But that interaction, and her intimate knowledge of exactly which house I lived in, made me want to decorate like we lived in a gingerbread house, all candy canes and plum drops, screaming to any passerby that we’re friendly. One of the mayor’s first questions to me was “what are you going to do to the house?” There are rules here about what your house can look like, and I kept emphasizing we bought the house because we loved it, not because we wanted to change everything about it. And now, instead of wanting to decorate the interior, I want to put up shades so we don’t contribute to light pollution, I want to hang a sign by the water spigot saying “grab some if you need” for hikers and mountain bikers, I want to paint a sign for the wild mint by our door that says, “I mint to tell you to take some,” because our neighbors were openly panicked they wouldn’t be able to just grab mint from the cabin’s garden anymore. Without question, COVID makes things harder. Dinner parties feel like dares. Dropping cookies off at someone’s house feels invasive. Grabbing a drink feels like the ultimate sign of trust. But at least we have nodes who can connect who can think to invite us and who can see that despite having lived in California, we’re not all that bad. In the meantime, I’ll be painting signs about water and mint, hoping to garner the benefit of the doubt from the so beautifully, earnestly, and waiting-to-see-if-you’re-worth-it doubtful.

Subscribe to the newsletter at tinyletter.com/keltonwrites — high altitude relocation and renovation in a tiny mountain town.

[avaritia-apotheosis]

Phantom Children Ch. 7

Massive thanks to my awesome betas for this chapter!

In Which: A Story is Given to the Locked Room

AO3 | Prologue | 6 | [ 7 ] | 8

DICK DOESN’T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO FEEL. Surprised, maybe? Though he really isn’t all that shocked. Not that the revelation of another Wayne kid isn’t surprising, it’s just that—well…

Bruce has a tendency to attract foolhardy kids with a strong sense of justice and a willingness to harp on Batman until he gives them wings and teaches them how to fly. It’s the way of the world. The sky is blue, the sun sets in the west, and little Robin-hopefuls flock to Batman like ducklings to their big, brooding, mother duck. (That most of them are black haired and blue-eyed with some sort of traumatic backstory is a coincidence. Probably. The universe is just weird that way.)

And Bruce, bleeding heart that he is despite all the steel walls and nuclear spike fields he placed around it, always had a soft spot for children. It’s what people don’t get when they call Robins and Batgirls, former or current, child soldiers. They think that Batman picks these children up from gutter alleys and unfortunate homes, breaking and reshaping them into crusaders for his war against crime.

(What most don’t get is that the easiest way to gain ‘favorite child’ status in the Wayne household is to just stay home and live the most normal life possible. All of them—with the exception of Damian and Cass—chose this life. And even those two chose to stick with it, even when Bruce was more than happy to give them a way out.)

Dick was one of the first to stand at Batman’s side. The original. The ‘golden boy’ as Jason always put it. He’d been there so early in Batman’s career that, years later, it’s nearly inconceivable to imagine Batman without his Robin. He’s been there for Bruce’s soaring highs, his crushing lows, his mundane middles, just as Bruce has been there for him. Sure, they’ve had their fights, but Dick had always settled himself with the knowledge that he was one of the few people that knew everything about Bruce Wayne.

But this . This nursery—no, this memorial . This monument that spoke of a life that could have, should have, would have been, is something that predates Robin’s existence. A story, a memory that had hurt Bruce so badly that he would rather hide it away than breathe even a word of its existence.

Until now. Until Bruce had no choice but to rip the wound open once more.

“Bruce. I—what’s going on?”

“Perhaps,” Alfred interjected. “Perhaps it may be best to take this to the cave. Such a story should be told once.”

Bruce laughed, a broken, shuddering thing. “What is there to tell? I was naive with a heart too open and full of longing. I let myself hope, and I let myself get crushed . I picked myself up, moved on, end of story.”

Alfred raised an imperious brow. “As you are the one who always insisted on detailed reports, I do hope your summary to the boys downstairs would have a little more detail.” His face softened as he placed a comforting hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “What recent information that has been passed to us paints a worrisome picture, given what little you have shared, but know that this time you are not alone to deal with this matter. Regardless of what you do, the rest of the family is involved by proxy."

Bruce seemed to release some of the tension in his shoulders at that. “Yes. Of course. Dick, why don’t you see if Tim is back yet. I don’t want to explain this more than once, if possible. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure, I’ll get right on that.”

“And, Dick?”

“Yeah?”

Bruce’s gaze was intense. “How is Damian doing?”

He remembered the way Damian sunk deeper into the chair, hands clasping and unclasping at air. The white of his cast hanging limply as Damian’s legs could just barely brush against the cave floor. Dick swallowed a lump in his throat. “I don’t know. But I do know that he could really use his father right about now.”

Bruce gave a shaky nod and Dick left.

_______

Everyone has heard this tale before.

His boys have learned about the birth of Batman, of how a boy lost his parents in an alley at the age of eight. How at 14 he took to the study of criminology to an almost religious fervor. He took and aced every AP test, graduated high school at 16, headed off to get a college degree, then disappeared off the face of the earth.

Batman may have been born kneeling in the shadows of a dirty alley, but it was on the streets abroad where Batman grew up. Learning and studying and fighting until he knew what made the criminal underworld tick, how to escape almost every type of restraints, how to solve a murder with only the smallest of clues. He trained under a demon and met his daughter. When their ideas of justice clashed with each other, he tried to leave, they tried to stop him, and he set their base on ablaze.

He returned to Gotham the prodigal son, the favored prince, the charming socialite. Bruce Wayne took his place at the center of Gotham’s solar system, shining and bright and unbelievably foolish. Batman put on a cowl and learned the shadows of Gotham’s streets, and built himself up to be a symbol of fear and justice. Soon, he acquired a Robin to temper that darkness. To bring a light of hope, to instill a sense of peace— something more than vengeance and the night.

The rest is history.

Here is the part of the story that Bruce had omitted:

Early in his career as Batman, a man named Quayin had plans to steal a weather modifying US satellite. This, and certain other events, led to Bruce and Ra’s al Ghul crossing paths—and working on the same side. The details of that mission, in the long run. do not matter. Not anymore. What’s important is that accompanying him is his daughter, Talia al Ghul. She was as deadly as she was beautiful—and Talia was very, very beautiful.

It was a whirlwind romance. A storm of passion. Gotham’s Bruce Wayne and socialite Miranda Tate. * Batman and the Daughter of the Demon. The tempest reached its peak on that fateful day in the gardens of Wayne Manor. The hot summer sun and buzzing insects fading away as she pulled him aside and said “Beloved, I am with child. I am pregnant.” **

Bruce was caught unawares by the news. Stared dumbfounded at her until his brain caught up with his ears and he felt such unbridled joy bubbling in his chest. He laughed, clear and bright. He held her tight against him as if she held the world in her hands—because she did . Talia held his world within her and Bruce vowed to protect it with every fiber of his being. He called Alfred immediately to tell him the news and started arranging for discreet interior decorators and shipments for everything they needed for a nursery.

Thomas, for a boy. Martha for a girl. He swore that very day that it would be the happiest baby in the world. **

And then—

And then…

As Ra’s and Bruce planned their next move to stop Quayin from initiating a war between America and the USSR, Talia collapsed.

Talia collapsed and the baby was just…

Gone.

And suddenly Talia wanted nothing to do with him. Told Bruce to leave her alone, that their relationship would never be the same.

His child was gone .

By the time the rogue satellite was recovered, Quayin defeated, and all loose ends tied up, the nursery was fully furnished. Bruce took one look at it and then turned away. Locked the door and hid the key god-knows-where.

His child was gone.

Batman continued to work.

There was no use for an empty nursery.

--------

End Notes:

The story I'm using for the circumstances surrounding Danny's birth is basically a modified version of what happens in Batman: Son of the Demon. Modified so that people knew that Bruce Wayne and Miranda Tate were a couple and to give enough time for a nursery to be built along with the rest of the events of that comic.

*Miranda Tate is the name Tahlia al Ghul went by in 'The Dark Knight Rises'

**These lines are taken from Batman: Son of the Demon

[vulturnus]

A post explaining the levels of hell in my obey me mild horror AU

Thus far the idea of the horror AU devildom is that the brothers are far more seperated than before, while Beel and Belphegor are still close, as are Mammon (as close u can get anyway) with Levi and Lucifer. 

Beel and Belphie: Mixed Layer, the air is sulfuric, the floor is soft brown yellow grass and while there are crops everywhere, the crops are already rotten at worst or eaten by cicadas, flies, and locust at worst. After spending too much time here, the MC would begin to have trouble breathing and likely fall asleep for long periods of time. The food is nauseating, but due to the nature of the twins, its the least dangerous place to go in order to secure anything to eat. Belphegor is too lazy to bother with humans and is content watching as they’re suffering already, and Beelzebub is rather nice and at worst would eat someone on accident when he’s hungry. As one reaches the outer limits the air becomes less sulfuric, and the fruits become fresher. The Layer ends at the bushes of fresh pomegranates. 

Asmo: His layer begins at the fresh fruit barrier, with grapevines that coil around pergolas and the like. It’s supposed to look very nice and dream-like. The hair is supposed to smell like a very thick perfume. I don’t like exploring the layer, bc I dislike discussing anything of sexual nature, so lets just have it that there are numerous living statues of people that cant move because ig it gives off the idea of lust without straight up sex esp since he was described as a jewel. So like, he went from being the jewel to the celestial realm to turning people into jewels for his layer.  Asmo would probably get attached to MC and ask them to not leave as he has no one to flatter him. He’d probably at worst get frustrated and turn the MC into a living statue for the garden. There’s a pergola that marks the exit at the end of a maze, that leads to a large wasteland. 

Satan: I mentioned it before, but despite being the avatar of wrath, he’s very the opposite. His layer has this massive tower that you must pass through in order to leave as outside of it is a wasteland that has wolves which attack anything in sight. Not because Satan siccs them, but because it’s their environment and he doesn’t want to be bothered. He’s the least antagonistic directly, and if anything is curious of humans and angels alike due to being born from Lucifer and therefore not having any personal memories of the Celestial realm, so he’d rather watch as the MC explores the tower. There’s several bookshelves that move around, and while Satan can walk around and find the way out with ease, the MC can not. It’s essentially a constantly moving maze. The order to get out the maze though is either something like level 4765321 or idk. Either way it should be directly related to the brothers. As mentioned the tower is surrounded by a moat, with the water havng numerous hands that claw at each other and try and drag the MC in. The back of the tower is a beach like area and a pier. Satan will often read here so there are some books littered, but its nice (or as nice it can be when theres no light. it looks like its always about to rain). He would offer the MC a map and compass if not straight up come with them in order to reach Leviathan.

Leviathan: The sea in devildom is near endless, which is why it is vital to have a means of navigation as otherwise one would miss the small island where Leviathan lives and the bridge to Mammon’s layer. The sea itself, however, is part of Leviathan’s territory. The sea life is incredibly mutated and hungry, threatening to eat anything that falls in. My favorite idea is the jellyfish one with jellyfish whose tentacles are hands and the heads resemble human ones. The closer to the island the larger it is until the largest beast, which is a massive snake (ie. Henry but you know how that is) appears and threatens to eat the MC. The island is messy with large piles of various items from DVDs to figurines, to random weaponry, to books and photos piled high. I think a neat concept would be that some of the piles would try and mimics other areas, like the statues from Asmo’s layer, or the soft grass flooring from Belphies. He would like to be friends with the MC but if they tried to leave or take any of his things he’d immediately retaliate and attack them. That said, as a friends and if he trusts the MC he’d help them find the way to Mammon. There are numerous bridges that peter off but they’re mainly destroyed and messy because of Henry. 

Mammon: The bridge from Leviathans island is long but eventully reaches Mammon’s layer. It’s actually numerous skyscrapers that no one can see the tops of with a grated floor that no one can see whats at the bottom of. Each building’s interior is filled with light that melts anything inside which leaks gold like fluid. That said, similarly to Satan, Mammon has very little ill will to you, and if anything is surprised the MC made it this far. That said, he wont allow you to leave because 1) he likes the company even if he wont admit it but also 2) he knows Lucifer will not hesitate to kill a human. If you can appease him or convince him you can take care of yourself, he’ll let you go and face Lucifer with a gift that will protect you. I want to have it where the grate where the gold leaks into leads to Lucifer’s layer, but there’s probably a better way.

[incorrectzombiesrun]

So I see people do this in the community so I though I’d give it a shot!

My Runner Five:

She’s 5’5-5’6

Brown hair, light blue eyes

Of Danish & Native American heritage

Was a track and XC runner in high school and in college

Kept switching majors in college because she wants to do so many things but can’t find the one that fits

From America, New England specifically

No she won’t say “Pahk yah cah”

Was at Oxford for literature when the apocalypse started

Went to Mullins for help but when they found her personal file ended up being recruited.

No idea if her family is alive or not, often causes her a lot of grief, along with the fact that she had to kill her own friends to escape the dorms

Really loves Brie Puffs, Dumplings, Alfredo Pasta, and Mac N Cheese

When she came to Abel she was really quiet, like someone hit a reset button on her personality.

Past: thoughtful, humble, talkative, friendly, kinda awkward, kind, and eccentric.

Present: thoughtful, quiet, sad, shy, kind, but broken.

Five instantly took a shine to Sam, and also really likes Runner 7 (he reminds her of her dad).

She feels like Sara is the older sister she never had, seeing she was the oldest of three kids back in America

Helps Meyers and Janine whenever they need it, she likes to fix things and help people when she can.

Enjoys being useful. Five used to fix things with her dad all the time at home, they were constantly taking care of rental properties and their old colonial farmhouse

Their house was in awful condition and they were constantly improving it as a family: painting, scraping, digging, putting up fences, interior design, grouting the showers, etc.

It was real fixer upper

So now Five uses that to fix up the base, and being the oldest was used to constantly helping her siblings and being extremely responsible, so she helps Seven and Janine when she can.....(almost like she replaced them as parents to help out).

Not good with kids.

Well she would be if she wasn’t so scared of them. But she really likes Molly and gets along with her to Ed’s relief

Scared of: uncertainty, drowning, burning to death, and wasps.

Loved Westerns, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Rom-Coms, and Dramas. As long as it has a good plot.

Favorite Movies: 3:10 to Yuma, Interstellar, and Pacific Rim.

Favorite Books: The Martian, Odd Thomas, Arendel, The Merciful Crow...

Collected plants, vinyls and small statues

Was a HUGE nerd. Star Wars, Harry Potter, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Marvel (stand-alones only), Hetalia, Ghibli, Legend of Zelda, and Naruto

Hobbies: Sketching, Painting, Philosophy, Gardening, Writing, Birding, Historian, Running, Photography and did LOTS of Theatre shows

Loved: Hozier, Alt-J, State Radio, Cavetown, Imagine Dragons, Mumford & Sons, and Panic! At The Disco, Johnny Cash, Kenny Rodgers, My Chemical Romance...

But listened to anything from Folk-Pop to Punk to Lofi to Jazz to Classic Country

Was invested in Model UN, theatre, and running at her school

But without all that, without multiple facets of life, Five just feels so lost. She’s so stuck inside herself, she doesn’t know what to do with herself, and feels like all the work she did was for nothing.

Suffered from depression and anxiety in patches, but now it’s back more than ever.

Shows up at Radio Abel or at Sam’s door to listen to the runners out on Mission or the radio transmissions when she gets too deep.

Keeps more to herself than she likes, but after A Voice in The Dark, she and Sam become closer to the point where they can have conversation without her even talking.

A Voice In The Dark was when Sam first heard her voice....

He wish he hadn’t.

[p3p510]

Temples of Beijing 2018

Photography

Travels

Temples and the Seek of Calm

Este es el segundo de la serie de tres post sobre mi viaje a Beijing 2018. This is the second of the three post series about my trip to Beijing 2018.

Part 1: Beijing and My Return to The Hutongs

Español

Llegué a Beijing sin planes, más que celebrar mi cumpleaños 42 acá, de resto solo iba a dejarme llevar por lo días, más siempre tuve en la mente que volvería a algunos sitios que habían sido mis favoritos, entre ellos templos y otros que se me habían escapado.

El día de mi cumpleños mi hermana y Yo salimos temprano a caminar por el centro de Beijing, por la Torre del Tambor y La Campana, Jingshan y los alrededores de La Ciudad Prohibida, un buen comienzo para empezar a empaparme con la zona histórica.

English

I arrived in Beijing without plans, rather than celebrating my 42nd birthday here, the rest was just going to let me go for the days, however I always had in mind that I would like go back to some places that had been my favorites, among them temples and others that had escaped me.

The day of my birthday my sister and I went out early to walk into Beijing center, through the Drum and Bell Tower, Jingshan and around the Forbidden City, a good start to start dive in the the historical district.

Forbidden City – Beijing.

Jingshan Hill – Beijing.

Doushan Bridge – Beijing.

Forbidden City – Beijing.

Español

Días después en la primera oportunidad que tuve fui al Templo del Cielo, Tiantan, que sigue siendo mi sitio preferido de Beijing, o por lo menos mi templo preferido.

Por suerte me tocó un lindo día con pocos turistas, aun así hubo gente que quiso que pose para la foto, por supuesto un extranjero de piel oscura con una graciosa barba es algo que muchos chinos consideran tan digno de fotografiar como a la arquitectura, lo que no me molesta, me parece gracioso, y algo incómodo, no soy dado a estar frente a las cámaras, es lo minimo que puedo hacer como invitado en la cultura, y también es parte de la experiencia, para ellos y para mi, si hubo salones a los que entre y estaban completamente solos.

Todo el gigante complejo del templo y sus jardines es una obra maestra, una representación de la cultura china, el sentimiento de asombro acá es comparable con lo que he sentido solo frente a maravillas naturales, lo bueno de ya conocer un lugar tan grande es que puedo tomar un tiempo y solo sentarme a deleitarme con estar ahí.

Y el estar es algo que me cuesta, quiero absorber tanto como pueda y es frecuente que mi mente se pierda en pensamientos, o mejor dicho, se disperse, así que cualquier momento en que pueda conseguir algo de calma lo aprovecho.

English

Days later at the first opportunity I had I went to the Temple of Heaven, Tiantan, that is still my favorite place in Beijing, or at least my favorite temple.

Luckily I had a nice day with few tourists, even so there were people who wanted me to pose for the photo, of course, a brown foreigner with a funny beard is something that many Chinese consider as worthy of photographing as the architecture, which not It bothers me, I find it funny, and somewhat awkward, I’m not given to being in front of the cameras, it’s the least I can do as a guest in the culture, and it’s also part of the experience, for them and for me, though, there were halls that I entered and I were completely alone.

The whole complex of the temple and its gardens is a masterpiece, a representation of Chinese culture, the feeling of amazement here is comparable to what I have felt just in front of natural wonders, the good thing about knowing such a great place is that I can take some time and just sit down and enjoy being there.

And being is something that is hard for me, I want to absorb as much as I can and it is frequent that my mind gets lost in thoughts, or rather, it disperses, so any time I can get some calm I take advantage of it.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Temple of Heaven – Beijing.

Español

Un lugar perfecto para la calma es el Templo Yonghe, El Palacio de La Paz y La Harmonía, conocido como el Templo Lama, un templo y monasterio de Budismo Tibetano, una sucesión salones con arte budista exquisito, grande estatuas de Budas, decoraciones y demás representaciones de la cosmología del lamaísmo.

Siempre me siento tentado a tomar fotos dentro de los salones, mi instinto de fotógrafo supongo, pero puede más mi respeto al sitio y a sus creencias, prefiero solo sentarme a observar a los devotos rendir tributos frente a los altares, caminar un poco y mezclarme en el ambiente cargado de incienso y tranquilidad.

En los patios interiores si está permitido tomar fotos, reparto el tiempo entre la cámara y las ruedas de oración, al final del día si logro algo de paz y harmonía.

No soy una persona religiosa, no tengo ninguna afiliación a religión o culto, no obstante tengo un profundo respeto por diferentes manifestaciones y filosofías religiosas, me gusta pensar que puedo tomar lo más interesante de cada una, y sentir la espiritualidad que inspira a tanta gente a venir a este templo.

Al salir del templo seguí caminando por la la calle Guozijian, hasta El Templo de Confucio y La Academia Imperial, sigo de largo y prefiero sentarme a comer en un pequeño restaurante en la calle, mientras veo a los maestros llevar a los niños a conocer su historia y conocer las enseñanzas de Confucio, los mismo maestros y niños que han pasado por esta misma calle durante siglos.

El Templo Dongyue es otro sitio interesante y está cerca de donde me estoy quedando, y al llegar no me siento con ánimo de ver deidades y demonios taoístas, seguro vuelvo en otra ocasión.

English

A perfect place for seek calm is the Yonghe Temple, The Peace and The Harmony Palace, known as the Lama Temple, a temple and monastery of Tibetan Buddhism, a succession of halls with exquisite Buddhist art, large statues of Buddhas, decorations and other representations of Lamaism cosmology.

I always feel tempted to take pictures inside the halls, my photographer instinct I suppose, but it can more my respect the place and its beliefs, I prefer to just sit and watch the devotees pay tribute in front of the altars, walk a little and mix in the atmosphere charged with incense and tranquility.

In the inner courtyards it is allowed to take pictures, I divide the time between the camera and the prayer wheels, at the end of the day I achieve some peace and harmony.

I am not a religious person, I have no affiliation to religion or worship, yet I have a deep respect for the different religious manifestations and philosophies, I like to think that I can take the most interesting of each, and feel the spirituality that inspires so many people to come to this temple.

After leaving the temple, I continued walking along the Guozijian Street, up to The Confucius Temple and the Imperial Academy. I pass by and prefer to sit down to eat in a small restaurant on the street, while I watch the teachers carry the children to know their history and to know the teachings of Confucius, the same teachers and children who have passed through this same street for centuries.

The Dongyue Temple is another interesting place and it’s near to where I’m staying, when I arrive I don’t feel like seeing Taoist deities and demons, I’m sure I’ll come back another time.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Yonghe Temple – Beijing.

Español

El último sitio que visito es el Palacio de Verano, al que nunca había ido por lo lejos que queda, está a las afueras de Beijing, así que me levanto temprano y me embarco en el largo viaje en el subterráneo.

Y valió la pena el recorrido, apenas salgo de la estación estoy en un bosque, no me esperaba el drástico cambio, al principio estoy un poco perdido, y sigo a la gente y llegó a la entrada.

El Palacio de Verano es un gigante complejo de jardines, lagos y palacios, Yo solo logró recorrer La Colina de La Longevidad y las orillas del Lago Kunming, el calor y el esfuerzo de recorrer toda la colina me dejan agotado para seguir al resto de los 3 Kilómetros cuadrados del parque, sin embargo quedó muy satisfechos con lo que veo, de vuelta buscando la salida rodeó la colina y encuentro aún más templos y pequeõs jardines, en un momento me adentro al bosque y me siento a la orilla de uno de los canales por largo rato, es el único sitio en el que voy a estar durante todo el viaje donde no veo edificios ni ninguna otra estructura, solo naturaleza.

English

The last place I visit is the Summer Palace, which I had never gone to because it is far away, it is just outside Beijing, I wake up early and embark on the long journey in the subway.

And it worth the trip, as soon as I leave the station I’m in a forest, I did not expect the drastic change, at first I’m a little lost, but I follow the people and arrived at the entrance.

The Summer Palace is a giant complex of gardens, lakes and palaces, I only managed to walk the Longevity Hill and the banks of Kunming Lake, the heat and the effort of traveling the whole hill leave me exhausted to continue to the rest of the 3 square kilometers of the park, however I was very satisfied with what I see, back looking for the exit I round the hill and find even more temples and small gardens, at one point I go into the forest and I sit at the shore of one the channels for a long time, is the only place where I will be during the whole trip where I do not see buildings or any other structure, only nature.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Summer Palace – Beijing.

Español

A la Ciudad Prohibida la bordeo varias veces, la vi de lejos, de cerca, desde lo alto, pero nunca entró, por restauraciones el número de visitantes está limitado y para conseguir ticket hay que llegar más temprano de lo que estoy dispuesto a levantarme, otra atracción que conozco bien y que volveré en otro viaje.

Creo que las visitas a los templos tuvieron su significado, cumplieron un objetivo, aunque tengo que decir que hay un límite a cuantos edificaciones tradicionales chinas puedes ver en poco tiempo, por eso siempre lo fui alternando con el Beijing moderno, y de eso continuó relatando en el siguiente post de la serie.

English

To The Forbidden City I skirted it several times, I saw it from a distance, from up close, from the top, still I never entered, for restorations the number of visitors is limited and to get a ticket you have to arrive earlier than I’m willing to wake up, another attraction I know very good and I’ll be back on another trip.

I think the visits to the temples had their meaning, they fulfilled a goal, although I have to say that there is a limit to how many traditional Chinese buildings you can see in a short time, that’s why I always alternated it with the modern Beijing, and that’s what I will continued telling about in the next post of the series.

Forbidden City – Beijing

Forbidden City – Beijing

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[evieoh]

evie’s travels: Salzburg

Salzburg was amazing. Maybe my favorite place on this trip even. It was cold and damp and miserable weather the whole time I was there, but it was still so incredibly beautiful. And luckily the clouds lifted the day I went up into the alps so I got to see that incredible beauty.

Salzburg had a similar feeling to Prague for me in a way, just the old town being so central and small and easy to navigate I suppose. It made it really easy to feel like I got to explore properly even though i was only there for 3 days.

I really am kind of over churches at this point in my travels, but these two (top and bottom right: Salzburg Cathedral; bottom left: Kollegienkirche) were so beautiful even after that cathedral-fatigue. The ceilings in the Cathedral were incredible, all of that elaborate carved detail and the beautiful rich colours in the paintings. There was the most amazing sense of peace there too, I am not a particularly religious person, but I sat and (for lack of a better word) prayed for about half an hour in there. It was really beautiful.

The Kollegienkirche was a lot simpler, but after seeing so many (beautiful and impressive) overly decorated churches in the last 5 months, there was something really soothing about the practically completely white interior.

Salzburg is also extremely proud of it’s famous son, Mozart. I saw at least three statues memorializing him, but the one below is from Mozart Platz. Both of the houses he lived in are museums as well.

Apparently Salzburg is the only city/one of the only cities that don’t cut love-locks off the bridges, so this was the most crowded and colourful one I’ve seen. 

And a Sacher Torte from Cafe Sacher.

Below, looking over the Old Town and Nonnberg Abbey from Capuchin Hill. And some views exploring the old town.

I did a day trip to Hallstatt, this beautiful town on the edge of a lake surrounded by mountains. I saw a photo of the town a few years ago, and it was honestly the entire reason I even ended up in Salzburg.

It was so completely worth it. The town was cute and charming, full of beautiful little architectural details, and the lookout point from above the town (absolutely worth the terrifying funicular ride to reach it) was just incredible. Looking down on the lake from above, the mountains all rising straight up from the shore and disappearing into the clouds, it was just honestly magical. If you ever have the chance to go to Hallstatt, definitely go up to the view point, you will not be disappointed.

Back in Salzburg, I checked out the Mirabell Garden, mostly at the urging of certain friends who love The Sound of Music and still love me despite the fact that I’ve never watched it :p

Up into the Alps! I was honestly bouncing in my seat on the bus and looking like the biggest idiot I’m sure. The mountains were worth it. 

My second day trip, to see the Alps and the Konigsee. I almost did a tour that went up to the Eagle’s Nest, the summer home Hitler built at the peak of one of the mountains, but I thought my issues with heights would be too much. Now I wish I had done it regardless, just taken a valium and closed my eyes on the way up or something. The lake was beautiful though, and the mountains were incredible. I guess I just have a reason to go back now.

I went to some awesome restaurants in Salzburg too, the food was so much cheaper there than I’ve been used to, and so so good. This little guy kept me company at my favorite restaurant I found :)

[thevalueofdowntime]

Day 14 - Canton Tower

This was the penultimate day of the trip, and it looks like I took a decent amount of notes, so we’re flip-flopping and making the modern notes in italics again.

November 28.

I woke up early at 8 because I forgot to turn off my alarm and couldn't go back to sleep, but we left around 10 AM to go to the Guangzhou museum of art. Wide spaces, art was fine, but still interesting. Long ass bus ride. Side note, my dad spent a while trying to fix the bathroom window in the apartment.

I seem to have completely undersold how many photos and how much time I spent at the museum, so a lot of the next section is actually gonna be in italics after all.

Statue of a woman with perfectly round, large breasts

Not very Chinese looking.

More Chinese looking.

I will say I loved how much the interior garden emphasized open and green spaces:

There was also an exhibit to calligraphy. Even though I’m not literate in Chinese, I can easily appreciate the beauty and grace of the strokes.

lol

A couple of Chinese folk heroes, none of whom I can identify from memory other than the first one, who is obviously Guan Yu.

Chinese political art is not always easy to come by, but there is some here. I can’t tell if this is saying that the same people who used to suffer at the hands of the Qing now suffer at the hands of the CPC, or ...I don’t know if there’s any other interpretation.

Look at this kid interacting with a cat!

Guangzhou tower tonight!

Canton Tower is interesting. It's several hundred meters up in the air and I've pretty much never done this kind of thing since I was a child (it could be the pop culture seeping through but I'm pretty sure I went to the Empire State Building as a child); I didn't go up the Sears tower when I visited Chicago, didn't do the Space Needle either time I was in Seattle, walked right under the Eiffel Tower and that was it, etc. I love seeing tall views, but the idea of paying $20 to go get a view seems ridiculous when I'd rather do a hike up a mountain (I recognize this is a false dichotomy).

Anyway, we went up to a buffet and I really should consider retooling my buffet strategy because it really is the following: - Eat all the high value items (lamb, beef, seafood) - Eat all the things I want to eat (pork, fried foods, cheap things) - Eat dessert

This is kind of stupid because in reality it should always be just: - Eat what you want - Eat some dessert

Here are some of the plates I had - I seem to have deleted all but the more reasonable plates:

I will say I enjoyed the rack of lamb a lot, but I didn't like any of the beef or seafood, so I really could've saved myself some food baby space if I had just eaten what I wanted from the getgo. The desserts were nice, but I'd say the profiteroles were the simplest and my favorite at the same time.

The view was good! Guangzhou is really lit up at night, especially the section with the east and west towers (by the Guangdong museum, library, and K11 mall). The only real trouble is that I couldn't take any photos without competing with a really annoying glare.

And that’s it for this day! Plenty of things done.

[bigjohnsadventuresintravel]

The Medieval Charm of Lucerne, Switzerland

On the shores of Lake Lucerne, within sights of mounts Pilatus and Rigi, lies the charming medieval city of Lucerne. Out of all the places that Rebecca and I visited within the Swiss Alps, this German-speaking village was probably our favorite.

  A shout out goes to Pius Hofer for providing us these gracious accommodations through Airbnb.

Our little Alpine adventure began here in the upstairs apartment of this charming farmhouse. Even though we were close to the city, we were far enough removed to enjoy the peace and serenity of the Swiss countryside.

This skylight in the livingroom brightened the apartment and offered an amazing view of the surrounding Alps.

We awoke to a light snowfall on our little farm outside Lucerne.

A view of the garden outside our kitchen window.

  The view from our balcony was phenomenal!

  The historic Chapel Bridge (“Kapellbrücke”) in Lucerne, Switzerland

The Chapel Bridge was built for pedestrians to cross the Reuss River when traveling to and from Lucerne. Having been erected in the year 1333 A.D., this is the oldest surviving wooden bridge in all of Europe. The tower pictured just behind the bridge, pre-dating the structure by about 30 years, has been used as a torture chamber, a prison, and a hold for the town’s treasury.

  Rebecca is all bundled up at the Chapel Bridge in Lucerne.

  These ancient painting inside the bridge’s interior depict colorful scenes of the local history.

  These pictures, taken from inside the Chapel Bridge, reveal Lucerne’s fascinating riverwalk.

  A view of the Lucerne on the Reuss River.

  Rebecca wore her red boxing gloves just in case we ran into some riffraff along the river.

  The tallest structure seen in this photo is the Jesuit Church, opened in 1677.

  Medieval Lucerne is full of both Romanesque and Gothic styles of architecture.

  Big John poses for a colorful photo at this neo-Rennaissance water fountain .

This fountain, named the Fritschi, was built in 1918 and is said to have been built over the body of a legendary 15th century character. Knowing that, I’m glad I didn’t take any sips of the water.

  Inside Kornmarkt (Old Town), Lucerne

  Lucerne is one of the major marketplaces for Swiss watches, with dozens of different brands to offer its visitors.

  This recently renovated church, St. Peter’s Chapel, was built in the 12th century. It is the oldest place of worship still operating in Lucerne.

  The Mr. Pickwick Hotel and Pub offers its guests a fantastic selection of British cuisine and beers.

  More of Lucerne’s medieval charm can be seen adorning the walls of the various structures and businesses.

  The restaurant, Fritschi, situated in the old town of Lucerne serves traditional Switzerland meals.

    Rebecca is all smiles at the Lindt chocolate shop in Lucerne.

This shop boasts a literal wall of flowing chocolate!

  Lucerne offers diverse restaurants and pubs for every variety of visitor to its city.

  Even Big John, an international man of mystery, sports a scarf from time to time.

  The restaurant, Valentino, is housed in the famous “Hotel Linde”. The Italian diner serves its patrons a “special class” of spaghetti and pizza.

    Rebecca finds imported Thai food at the Hotel Krone.

So, after exploring the city for a few hours it was nearing lunch and Rebecca and I were famished. While in the Old Town we happened to come across a menu displayed in the window of the Hotel Krone. To our surprise and delight, the hotel restaurant listed both red and green curry on their lunch menu. Anybody that really knows Rebecca, knows how much she loves Thai curry. Without a second thought on the matter, we quickly entered the establishment and found us a seat near the window. The hotel restaurant, although beautifully arranged, was deserted inside with the exception of a single woman working inside of a small kitchen at the back of the room.

Shortly after taking our seats, the woman emerged from the kitchen and took our order. It wasn’t that long after that we observed the same woman exiting through the front doors of the hotel and go scurrying down the street. Rebecca joked that she was probably going to get our food from some place else. I had a good laugh at the thought of it.

Not fifteen minutes later we observed the woman through our window as she returned to the hotel carrying numerous styrofoam containers. The woman reentered the hotel, walked straight through the lobby and disappeared into the kitchen. Shortly thereafter, when she approached our table carrying our hot platters of Thai curry, she hadn’t the faintest look of suspicion on her face. Although the food was a bit pricey, it was very delicious and the atmosphere inside the hotel restaurant was nice, quiet and clean. After enjoying our meal, the only questions in our minds was where had the food come from? It certainly wasn’t prepared in their small kitchen in the back.

Our great mystery didn’t remain unsolved for too long. After finishing our meal at the Hotel Krone we walked just a few hundred feet when we came across the Asian takeaway pictured above. I entered inside and asked the lady working there if she had just prepared an order of Thai curry for the Hotel Krone. The woman smiled, said that she did, and asked how we enjoyed the food. I told her that we enjoyed the food immensely. However, I informed her that the next time we had a craving for Thai food, we would get it directly from the source for a much cheaper price.

  The Weinmarkt fountain in the Baroque Square of Lucerne

  Rebecca strikes a pose at a Lucerne lamppost.

  More photos of the Baroque square in Lucerne.

    Big John standing on the steps leading up to the Church of St. Leodegar.

The Church of St. Leodegar is a Roman Catholic Church built from 1633 to 1639 on the foundation of a Roman basilica that had burnt to the ground in 1633. This church was one of the few built north of the Alps during the Thirty Years War and one of the largest  of German late renaissance period.

  These fascinating statues, guarding the doors of this church, are just a small part of Lucerne’s medieval charm.

    I have no idea what one might find inside of Lucerne’s Ass-Bar!

    Despite their ancient appearance, all water fountains in Lucerne are deemed quite safe for drinking.

  It wouldn’t be right to travel all the way to Switzerland and not sample as many chocolates as possible.

  Lucerne has quite the selection of refreshing ciders and delicious lagers. 

I would recommend the Eichhoff lager even without the cool squirrel imprinted on each can.

  I’m so sorry that I missed the wedding of this beautiful couple!

  My little “Swiss Miss” is already making friends inside the city!

  I just love these old cuckoo clocks and hope to own one someday.

  Bucherer stores are located in some of the best-known and most beautiful shopping and downtown areas in Switzerland. The main Bucherer house is located in Lucerne.

  This five-star-hotel, the Schweizerhof Luzern, is situated right on the shores of Lake Lucerne and only a stone’s throw from the city centre of Lucerne. It has been managed by the Hauser family for over 150 years. 

  The Hotel Chateau Gütsch, pictured on this hilltop above the city, is a 19th century fairy-tale castle.

This grand hotel offers visitors a beautiful view of Lucerne, Lake Lucerne and the alpine mountains of central Switzerland.

    Just another example of the beautiful water fountains one might discover while roaming about in Lucerne.

    A glimpse of Lucerne’s ancient walls and towers can be seen on the hill pictured in the background.

  Rebecca enters through Lucerne’s medieval  city walls.

  Big John at the Lion Monument in Lucerne

  The Lion Monument, or the Lion of Lucerne, was designed by Bertel Thorvaldsen and hewn from the rock in 1820–21 by Lukas Ahorn. It commemorates the Swiss Guards who were massacred in 1792 during the height of the French Revolution.

  On the busy docks of the scenic Lake Lucerne

  Hustle and bustle amidst the splendor of Lucerne, Switzerland

  The Reuss River Needle Dam in Lucerne

This picture of the needle dam is probably one of the best pictures I took while visiting Lucerne. If you agree, then I guess I saved the best for last. I hope you enjoyed visiting my post as Rebecca and I explored the medieval city of Lucerne. For more of our adventures in Switzerland, please click on the following link to Zermatt and the Matterhorn. Explore this and much, much more at Big John’s Adventures in Travel!

  Happy travels,

Big John

[zebrasims]

Ask Meme

I got tagged by @kahiena, thank you! :)

Name: Janna

Nicknames: None IRL

Zodiac sign: Aquarius

Height: 154 cm (i’m so short, omg)

Orientation: umm..Pan, i guess i’m not sure.

Ethnicity: German

Favorite fruit: That’s hard! Maybe Strawberries and Oranges?!

Favorite season: Spring and Autumn :)

Favorite book series: Harry Potter and A Song of Ice and Fire

Favorite flower: Sunflowers,Hibiscus,Gerbera

Favorite scent: I dislike most strong smells, so I love clean, fresh air on a nice spring day

Favorite color:  Turquoise and Bright Green

Favorite animal: All Animals are awesome! But birds are the best! And Dachshunds ♥ (yay, for german cliches)

Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: I like them all, depends on the time of day. Coffee in the morning or late at night, tea for the day and hot cocoa before going to bed or when it’s cold outside.

Average sleep hours: never enough 7-8

Cat or dog person: Dog, because i’m very allergic to cats :(

Favorite fictional characters: Sansa (ASOIAF), Anders (Dragon Age), Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon) and probably many more I can’t think of right now.

Number of blankets you sleep with: 1

Dream trip: Hmm..Iceland, Sweden, Areas of Japan i haven’t been too, Costa Rica

Blog created: No Idea honestly :o Since I’ve deleted all my posts several times I can’t look it up, I think 2013/14

Number of followers: 109 :)

Time right now: 1.30pm 5pm now that im finished with this

Last thing you googled: How to spell “Turquoise” :D

Fave music artist: I’m not big into music and i have a strange taste, so my Spotify is pretty random, but i like Disney Songs, “women empowering songs” or whatever you call those and mainstream stuff like Halsey, Lady Gaga etc.

Song stuck in my head: Wannabe - Spice Girls

Last movie I watched: Rings

Last TB show I watched: The Walking Dead

What I’m wearing right now: Grey Leggigns and a Grey Sweater (Grey is my spring color lmao)

The kind of stuff I post: Sims..things?

Why did I choose my url: My usual username is TheZebrafish, that one i choose randomly when i was 14 or something idk what i was thinkig and then i just combined it with Sims

Gender: Female

Hogwarts house: I’ve actually been sorted into all houses once by Pottemore, but I identify the most with Ravenclaw. :)

Pokémon team: Instinct

Lucky number: 7 and 21

Dream job: Hm, hard to say, maybe interior designer, that won’t happen, though. Relationship status: In a relationship (6 years now, wooo!)

Pets: A Tarantula (my boyfriends actually)

Last song you listened to: Lemon Tree - Fools Garden, on the radio at work where I’m writing this :P

Favorite TV Show: Lost, Friends, The Walking Dead, Reign, Glee, Pretty Little Liars and a lot more :D

First Fandom: Probably J-Rock (embarrassing) and Anime in general I’m tagging @kayleigh-83, @sinjectedsims, @sterina-sims and @bennibenasi Feel free to ignore, though :)

[aldahornsby843-blog]

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[roamingholiday]

Friday, July 7th 2017

Divorce, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.

The program took us to Hampton Court Palace, King Henry VIII’s home. The train ride was unmemorable, apart from the fact that we were all exhausted and spent most of it leaning on each other and staring in vague confusion at the sunlight, because this was the first train we’d taken above ground.

One of our professors was with us, but the other was at the airport meeting his family, and of course it turned out that the tickets were with him, so we had to wait about two hours for him to get from Heathrow to Hampton Court.

We were let go for those two hours to go find lunch, and four friends and I ended up at a pub. Very pleasant, fairly British, though we ended up being a little late back to the group after the two hours were up because we got very lost before we actually found the pub, because given the single main road and very simple directions, of course we did.

This is a map of Hampton Court:

The castle itself is stunning, but the gardens are really a work of art. We did, of course, get hopelessly lost more times than I care to admit.

My favorite part actually was the interior of the castle, if only because it was a fairly hot, sunny day, and the castle at least was cool. There were also quite a few architectural references to the Roman Empire, which I understood and took great pleasure in explaining to my companions. Each of the gates, for example, had pillars with a different famous Roman emperor’s face carved into them, like so:

(A translation, if you’re confused: Iulius, or Julius, full name Gaius Julius Caesar, Imperator, here meaning Emperor, though a more accurate title would be Proto-Emperor Who Was Actually Crowned Dictator For Life Which Is An Entirely Different Thing Belonging To An Entirely Different System Of Government But Then Was Stabbed To Death A Month Later So I Don’t Blame You For Forgetting The Difference. That’s hard to fit on a plaque, though.) 

I gave biographies of the more entertaining ones, though I honestly don’t know how much my friends believed me. I was accused, more than once, of making things up, though I swear it’s all true. Ancient Rome was a time, really.

I just kinda assume that if you’re reading this blog, you’re okay with me getting distracted from real life to tell stories about people who’ve been dead for millennia. So in no particular order:

AUGUSTUS

The first emperor, who was not actually an emperor. Showed up at eighteen after the death of his adopted father (Julius Caesar, you may have heard of him, it was an unexpected death, so to speak), took over the senate, then the country, then the known world, vaguely in that order. Small and sickly (and ginger, interestingly enough), which was one of the reasons that no one, say, just hypothetically speaking, stabbed him twenty three times in the middle of a senate meeting because they thought he was getting too powerful. There was no point in going to all the trouble of planning an elaborate assassination when the dude they were planning on assassinating was probably going to die in a year or two of whatever fatal illness he’d caught that particular time. Of course, that all means that Augustus lived to be 75 years old and died peacefully in his bed of old age. Who woulda thunk it.

Ruled for forty years. Arguably one of the most influential people to ever exist. Innately likable. Not prone to wandering around claiming to be king of the universe, unlike some Caesars that could be mentioned. Had quite possibly the most beautiful propaganda machine in human history. 

HADRIAN

Brought back beards. (Julius Caesar killed beards, by the way. In case you were wondering.) Really liked the Greeks and hellenization. (Hence the beard.) Had a Greek boyfriend. (Of course, who didn’t back then.) Responsible for the construction of Hadrian’s Wall, which is a Roman wall going through England, with Roman forts placed sporadically along it. (I have walked along it briefly. It is very large. Very wall-like. Long. Kinda twisty. Excellent structure, for something built thousands of years ago. Not surprising, Romans were famous for their infrastructure.) The wall represents the largest the Roman empire ever got. The instant that the boundaries of the empire were defined with the wall, the empire began to shrink. We have letters from soldiers writing home from their post along Hadrian’s Wall. They mostly say things like Wow I Understand Why Pants Are Important, and Please Send More Socks. Romans did not like England.

NERO

I am as alarmed as I’m sure you are to know that Henry VIII thought that Nero was a good enough role model to put his face outside his castle. I’m not surprised, but I am alarmed. Nero was the emperor who fiddled while Rome burned, which is not an entirely historically accurate statement, because fiddles hadn’t been invented yet, but he definitely did sit back and wait for the massive fire that destroyed countless insula (apartment buildings for the super poor) to burn itself out, and then had built on the ashes of those homes a palace that he called the Domus Aurea (Golden House), which contained a 35.5 m bronze statue of himself.

He’s also notable for having killed his mother. It took him a couple goes, though, because he tried to have her bed’s canopy rigged to fall on her in her sleep, and she survived, and he tried to have her poisoned, and she survived, and he tried to send her out on the sea in a boat that was built to collapse beneath her in the middle of the water, but she swam to shore and survived. Eventually he just sent a guy to stab her, because clearly nothing else would work.

After I finished my entirely delightful rendition of Roman Emperors And Their Exceedingly Odd Lives, we took a tour through the castle, in which we saw many beautiful rooms and innumerable pieces of exquisite artwork, including this wonderfully heterosexual wallhanging:

And this truly alarming statue, which I think is supposed to be a dolphin:

I won’t explain every single room in detail for you, mostly because I don’t think I could, and also they were pretty similar after a while. Very large. Lots of stuff on the walls, not a lot of stuff on the floor. High ceilings. Sometimes had a red velvet throne in the center. No discernible bookshelves, anywhere, which is way more alarming than the carving glorifying Nero out front.

This painting was in an alcove, and I was the first one to see it, which meant that I had the pleasure of watching each of my friends wander past, notice it in their peripheral vision, do a double-take, and then leap back with the same horrified expression that I assume I had, the first time I saw it.

This wooden man was standing in a corner of the courtyard, with no plaque to explain what exactly his purpose was. He appeared to be screaming. I don’t know why, though if I had an irresponsible, childish, delusional, narcissistic maniac as the leader of my country, I might be screaming too. Oh, wait. 

Once we’d exhausted the interior, we went out to see the gardens, and promptly got hideously lost. Our original intent was actually to find the maze, which we knew was somewhere outside, but of course the gardens themselves were apparently enough of a maze to stump all of us for a good hour. Stunningly beautiful, though. I particularly liked the hedge tunnel, because it was long and shady and reminded me of something a character from an old movie might run dramatically through.

There was also a hidden garden that could only be seen through strategically placed holes in a large shrubbery, which is why the angle of this photograph is wonky.

After walking in circles in the sun for a very long time, we eventually consulted the map, and after the map was removed from my hands and turned the right way up by people who are clearly more competent than I am, we actually found our way to the maze, which was rather anticlimactic after we spent so much time looking for it. Turns out it was all the way on the other side of the castle, which is why we couldn’t find it. It was a proper hedge maze, though, which was very cool, and we did hit a dead end twice, which meant it wasn’t entirely a waste of time.

We could have gone in to the castle again, after the maze, or took some time to explore the rest of the gardens, but to be quite honest it really was very hot that day, and we’d been outside in the sun long enough to feel rather dizzy, so instead we found a little cart and paid a surprisingly reasonable amount for about a dozen water bottles to split between the five of us, and also some ice cream for good measure. We met back up with the rest of our group in enough time to get the seven o’clock train back to London, and there ended our day at the palace of the President of the United States King Henry VIII.