#the staff that has been affectionately referred to as man on stick

[impossible-rat-babies]

honestly the ARR relics are a grind, but the eureka relics are a time sink

[selkymaiden]

3, 4, 14, 35, 38, 42, 49 for sophie x 🐧 and galina x pendleclowns (i'm absolutely obsessed with sophie lord her vibes are IMMACULATE 😩💖)

flkajlkfjwlkerj thank you for the ask!!!! and oh gosh PLS I'm sorry for the DC brainrot. I just come here and reblog a billion things and then disappear. Thank you for being a mutual and sticking through the years it seems flkawer. Also thank you for enjoying my dumb DC oc. I'm cringe but i'm free~ ALSO IT GOT LONG MY BAD

3. What was their first impression of each other?

I kind of answered this one already but I'll try to describe it a bit differently? flkaer I will copy and paste the first part though: So the verse I have them is G*tham at the 10-year time skip, so he's been out of Blackgate for maybe 6 months now?

So as far as when they both met neither was impressed with each other. He just thought she was a low lackey working for Black Mask and was at his club just snooping. Thought she was a complete amateur at her job, so like a spy or something. She on the other hand has no respect for him and was actually at his newly reopened club because she was trying to headhunt good bartenders LMAO. She literally showed up to steal his staff if they were good. So it was not good all around.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

Sophie does for sure! She's more confident and emotionally available than [Foghorn blares] But that's because she's had a better time in life than him for sure. And for 🐧 it probably has to do with what he's had to deal with in his past, so it's not even 'gotta be macho and keep up appearances' but more worried it could be a weakness. Has even been told it's a weakness for anything affectionate and love and he has even told others it's a weakness. So he's insecure and self-conscious about it so it's harder for him to be genuine about reaching out so to speak. But if it's fake affection or charm he has no problem being manipulating. But real affection and initiating it? He'd rather just kill the other person so there's no evidence. But he gets better later on.

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

At the beginning no. Mainly because he makes it awkward and it pisses her off because she doesn't understand how a man older than her (if only slightly) can't just give a goddamn kiss! But they learn what each other likes and how to approach that it gets better and she especially likes when he kisses the back of her hand. But they're more private, yet if together long enough they'd be the couple who has no problem kissing in front of the henchmen.

35. Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

lmaaaoooooooooo yes, ma'am, gotta keep it on the downlow! Although how do I describe it? It's sort of a screwball comedy at first because [redacted] is trying to get Sophie on his team to take back G*tham. But she won't join unless for a really, really good reason. But he knows she can be swayed by emotions so he thinks he can get her to like him and that'll work and it does but it backfires because he ends up liking her more. But there is no love in the time of gang wars so everything needs to look business and nothing personal to the outside world. He tried to play games and got fucked up.

38. Who’s got a quicker temper?

Oh. Easy. The dumb bird. 🐧 has temper tantrums still but she's a master of babysitting after working with Black Mask for so long.

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

Well.... He has no family left and very few, if any, friends left. Except maybe Edward Nigma. So for Sophie she does get along with The Riddler. Probably because she's first of all a criminal also and has definitely done her fair share of bad things so she doesn't judge Edward or at least preaches to him about some of the shit he's done. Also, she's pretty smart and gets his references well enough. She's not good at riddles and doesn't care for puzzles but she understands what he's talking about so he recognizes that and it's good enough. And as far as 🐧 getting along with her friends/family- Well, like him her family has passed, but her friends she has a few and I haven't explored it all yet. Her friend that is someone else's OC who works at Arkham they'd probably get along, maybe? He'd probably be wary at first because obv he had the worst time when he was sent to Arkham. But with her other friend Mina, he'd probably find that friend annoying LOL. Mina is her oldest friend and comes before a lot of people so maybe he'd be jealous of how close they are.

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

Oh for sure. [Foghorn noises] Schemes and manipulates, just does business on his own terms and his own ways and barely lets people in on the plot. Or at least the whole plot. Maybe he'll give a few things away but never the whole story. When he becomes more trusting of her and sees she's a good chess piece on the board that is G*tham he lets her in on more things.

And for her! LMAO well I made her a Homo Magi, so think Zatanna but not as powerful. But she's defiantly not telling him she can do magic, at least not for a while. That's a bargaining chip that's kept her alive so far with Black Mask so she keeps it close.

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hehehe and now for my terrible noble galina x PENDLECLOWNs

3. What was their first impression of each other?

I almost want to just say they all saw each other as wild, uncultivated. Uncultured. What have you. So Galina looking at all these people of Dunwall and especially the twins she's like just... They're petty and flounce around saying things but back up none of it except more nasty things. Just no action and they even are in poor taste by avoiding duels. Unmanly. And for the two clowns, they think of her just as uncultured and wild coming from Tyvia of all places. A frozen tundra thats basically a totalitarian police state who overthrew their nobility to turn, what they think, is like idk the equivalent if they have a novel in Dumbwall like Animal Farm. Because she is nobility but it's frowned upon now in Tyvia because of the island's history. So like shun her or make her feel unfit to be anything but common.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

Galina and Morgan do the most I'd like to think. Galina for sure as she likes the pleasures of flesh and generally just doing things that can be seen as barbaric or should not be shown in public. And Morgan simply because he's the better of the two twins, imo, in the head at least when it comes to affection. ALTHOUGH Galina would much rather have Custis be the more affectionate one. And who knows why he doesn't initiate it more, maybe he's jealous of how easy it is for Morgan and Galina to be with each other, and when he tries he fails. He gives up easily and would rather have to put no work into any sort of relationship so he'll just go to the golden cat instead.

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

Galina for sure, then Morgan, and lastly Custis. Also, it's probably more private on the whole as everyone has to keep up their appearances. But Galina will defiantly do it just to get a rise or to be shocking, or to be annoying in public, especially at a party. But real genuine PDA is more private if that makes sense? Like if she's been invited to their manor she and the twins have no problem kissing in front of staff at some point when they turn their little hate party into a party of three that are def doing the nasty. BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME. LMAO I think I mentioned that they do not do threesomes. But she has def had the twins just always at different times.

35. Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

Maybe at first but that was because the Twins just thought of her as a savage or it could hurt how they look. But even though her nobility is sort of up in the air because Tyvia is like Big X to the nobility but because of her business and what she does so well she has A LOT of money. So they try to think of her as nouveau rich, even though she's not, but it's better than a fallen Tyvian noble. So after everyone gets over themselves they have no problem just being 'yeah we've fucked what of it?'

38. Who’s got a quicker temper?

OHHHHH Custis for sure. Galina loves and hates it. Sometimes she tries to goad Morgan but Custis is her favorite. But that's because she's toxic and likes to fight and be entertained, also when she makes it stressful for Custis she's more likely to get him to break or bend to her and then she'll do what she pleases. Someitmes it's nice and just holds him and gets him to shockingly snuggle or something sweet, otherwise she'll just fuck with him.

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

Well. The twins will never meet Galina's sisters LOL Her two sisters would never dream of leaving Tyvia, how they have themselves set up they're good. They make Galina leave to do their bidding and her own business to the other isles. Also, I doubt the twins would have, and will never (depending on their ending) meet her family or friends since they'd never go to Tyvia. At least that's what I'd imagined based on how they are. But for her meeting or knowing the twins family... She does actually find Treavor cute but he's got no bite to him. She likes to chase and she likes to play games and find Treavor a bit boring but sweet. So he'd be maybe good husband material since she feels she could get him to do anything she wanted. LOL manipulate. And... Do the twins have friends? The nobility of Dumbwall is very interesting to her and she'll find ways to just make everything funny to her. So probably does not get a long with their friends but is sort of respected since she's good at playing mind games like the rest of them.

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

Probably? Mostly the twins keep secrets from her. She on the other hand has no problem with just talking about anything openly. She does not shy away from politics or personal matters. Like when the rat plague starts she's literally 'peace out.' Like even says goodbye and doesn't just disappear or 'Oh i need to leave in the middle of the night all dramatic.' Nah, goes straight to their faces and says good luck but I gotta go home.

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! Chap. 7

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 7 “Montero” out now!

AO3 Link

What could be worse than taking care of a teenage boy who is developing a steady video game addiction?

There was a loud bang coming from the room above the kitchen, followed by laughter and cackling. The boys were in Gons room and tried their hardest to set up the sleeping cod. They refused help, naturally, convinced that they are just as capable, confidence heightened by being in each other’s presence, hyping each other up, and the consumption of their own body weight in burgers.

Another bang. A shriek. More laughter. Mito sighed so deeply that she feared a piece of her soul might have left her.

Taking care of TWO teenage boys who are developing a steady video game addiction.

Her phone vibrated with a new message. Gon had sent her a selfie of himself and Killua on the cot, which seemed to be standing securely. The boys were flexing their arm muscles (or lack thereof) with proud looks on their faces, and the only caption was “#success”. Well, at least they are having fun.

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Bellissimo<3: Good morning. I am going to pick you up at 1pm, be dressed by then, and pack your bag for tonight’s show. We are going for a brief detour.

Hisoka stretched out on his bed and squinted at the too-bright phone screen. It was 10 in the morning, though the rooms curtains were drawn shut tightly as a defence against harsh sunlight. A lazy smile spread on his lips.

Hisoka: Are we finally running away together to get married in Las Vegas? I thought you’d never ask~~❤️

Bellisssimo<3: I am trying to reward you for not getting arrested last night.

Bellissimo<3: Do not make me regret this.

Hisoka: I should avoid getting arrested more often ❤️

Bellissimo<3: 1pm Hisoka. See you then.

Hisoka let his phone drop back into pillow-mountain. This was certainly an interesting surprise, and an opportunity that the make up artist wasn’t going to waste. Getting One-on-One time with the Zoldyck was something precious and rare to him. Because Illumi was a rarity himself. In a world of increasingly bland and repetitive personalities, especially in his field of work, Illumi presented a challenge of raw potential. Cold and calculated to the masses, an obedient dog to his family, a revolutionary in his work. Hisoka knew that he must be hiding so much more, and the more walls he encountered with the man, the more he wanted to tear them down with his bare hands. Hisoka hated calling whatever this was a ‘Crush’. Sure, he was affectionate towards the other man, and at this point he couldn’t deny the pleasant twist of his heart whenever they touched. But he didn’t yearn for lazy Sundays in bed together, didn’t want the peaceful domesticity that seemed to be inherited in being a ‘couple’.

What do I want?

Hisoka pulled himself out of bed, and made his way to the shower, determined to abandon this pesky train of thought. There was no point in pondering the unlikely. Though… Illumi had been indulging him. And he was going to indulge him again this day. Maybe he wasn’t the only one getting soft, even if neither would ever admit it. The thought brought another satisfied smirk to his lips as he massaged his favourite shampoo into his scalp.

He wondered how Illumis family would react, hypothetically, if they were to end up a couple. The eldest son of the Zoldycks, not just gay, but in a relationship with a makeup artist who is famous for starting drama whenever possible. They certainly would be a more feared and adored couple than if Illumi were to marry some busty heiress who hooks up with her tennis coach when he’s away.

Silva Zoldyck would drop dead right on the spot if Hisoka would ask him if he should call him dad, he was sure.

He stepped out of the steamy shower and mustered his refreshed face in the mirror. Maybe that’s all he wanted. To form something with Illumi that would be even more powerful than the Zoldyck empire, to make everyone else envy/fear/adore them. They had the capacity and the ability to do so, no doubt.

Or maybe he just wanted to have something he wasn’t supposed to have.

Hisoka shrugged to himself, before he went over his usual beauty routine. Today could prove very interesting.

.

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12:45 pm, Hisoka leaned on his kitchen island, absentmindedly scrolled through social media to beat time. Illumi wasn’t going to be late, but he’s never been early either.

He decided to go with a casual look, fitted beige khakis, with an oxford blue button up, sleeves rolled up just above his elbows, debated with himself on how far unbuttoned would be appropriate-yet-slutty (Top 3 Buttons unbuttoned, was the conclusion). Under his eyes, rested on his cheekbones, he had painted his signature star and teardrop, eyebrows plucked to perfection, and after 10 tries he managed to get a satisfying cat eye done. It was perfectly normal to want to look like hell on wheels while meeting with your friend-partner-associate-crush-insertsatisfactoryterm.

The afternoons were always the worst time to check social media, the calm before the posting-storm that comes during the evening and night. Hisoka had already reached posts that were done last night, a few screenshots taken here and there for future reference and roasting purposes.

Almost fed up with endless scrolling, suddenly it appeared. Hisoka had followed a twitch streamer on twitter recently, some kid who was definitely going to screw up in some point of his career (they always do, when the fame gets to their heads), and didn’t want to miss that mess. “Foxbeargaming”, what the fuck is even a foxbear, he had thought.

He had seen the brat before, in his profile picture and clips of his streams. But that wasn’t the problem with the newly posted selfie.

The problem was that he also recognized the second brat in it. Remembered the way Illumi boasted about his talented little brother, the same wild hair and blue eyes as he showed him a picture of the kid. Killua Zoldyck is currently in the middle of nowhere Australia, and his family most likely doesn’t know about it.

Oh, this will be delicious.

Hisokas day had been upgraded from surprisingly interesting to extremely entertaining if everything were to go smoothly. Immediately revealing to Illumi before their date that his little brother is out in the desert trying to tame himself a boyfriend wouldn’t do either of them good. Let it simmer, let it fester, keep Illumi away from his phone the rest of the day.

Lost in his scheming, he just barely noticed that the clock hit 1pm. He grabbed his bag from the floor and stuffed his phone into his back pocket before he headed out the door.

Hisoka wasn’t sure what he expected, yet he was taken aback by the sight in front of him as he exited the apartment complex.

Illumi leaned leisurely against a black sports car, as if that were his only purpose in life. His sleek hair was tied into a neat ponytail, eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses. Hisoka let his eyes take in every detail of him. Peridot green jeans, fashionably washed out, paired with a simple grey polo shirt, the collar popped open just enough to reveal more neck than usual.

“Are you waiting on an invitation?” Illumi didn’t sound as agitated as he probably intended, giving Hisoka only more reason to push his luck.

“I was thinking about whether I want to pounce on you now or later.” He approached the other man, who in turn straightened up his posture in defence. But instead of any hostile movements, Hisoka simply took Illumis hand, and bought it to his lips for a caste kiss. “But I’d rather not spoil our date this early.”

Illumi pulled his hand away, though maybe with a second’s hesitation. “Not happening, also not a date. Get in the car before I change my mind.”

The car was equipped with fabric seats, which Hisoka was grateful for in the Italian heat. “Maybe I should film one of those Vlogs today, what do you think of the title ‘Partner takes me away for secret date’?”

“What about ‘Multimillionaire kicked me out of a speeding car’?”

“Touché.” Now Hisoka was sure that his companion had to be in a good mood, despite what he’d claim, he’d never go along with his jokes if he were feeling neutral-to-pissed otherwise. He rolled his shoulders back into the seat comfortably, golden eyes fixated on the way that Illumis elegant pale hands wrapped around the steering wheel. “I didn’t know you can drive, considering you always have someone to do it for you.”

“I prefer it over flying, and I still consider myself a better driver than half of our staff.”

“I’m sure you’re great at handling stick shift as well.”

“Of co-“Illumi pressed his lips together in sudden annoyance, he most definitely had caught onto Hisokas smirk as he waited for an answer. “That is repulsive.” That prompted the makeup artist to break out into self-satisfied snickering.

“No clue what you’re talking about, Tesoro.” This earned him an eye roll, and silence as the car made its way through mostly empty streets. Hisokas eyes fell onto Illumis phone that rested on the console of the car. “Ah, I’m sure mister multimillionaire has Spotify Premium, right? Let me turn on some music.”

“Use your own phone.”

“I ran out of data volume. Are you that afraid I’ll discover your disastrous music taste?” His teasing smirk was met with another, more defeated eyeroll and a sigh.

“Don’t play anything trashy. The passcode is 0707.” After a questioning silence, he added “It’s Killuas birthday.”

Hisoka replied with an appreciative purr, before he started scrolling through the others music library. No personal playlists, not even a profile picture attached to his account. He was almost offended at the man’s lack of care for something as deeply personal as ones Spotify account, something that surely could tell a lot about a person. “Tchaikovsky? I’m not sure if I am impressed or utterly bored. Oh-“ His eyes stopped on a familiar album cover. “Maybe you’re not a lost cause after all, dear.”

A button press later, and the familiar opening sounds to Tame Impalas “Currents” played. The faintest trace of a smile curled on Illumis lips, barely noticeable, but Hisoka wanted to burn it into his mind anyway. Never mind that he took the brief distraction to turn the others phone onto silent mode. No unnecessary distractions.

It took the rest of the album until Illumi pulled the car into the exit towards the nature reserve near Lago di Bracciano, the last notes of “New Person, Same old Mistakes” dying together with the engine as they parked.

Hisoka stretched at the warm sunlight that caressed his skin when he exited the vehicle. Birds sang happily in the trees that lined the path around the large lake, and the only other person in sight was an elderly woman walking a small white dog. As the second car door shut close, he turned around with a pleased smile that showed off his shining teeth. “I never took you for the kind to take afternoon strolls.”

His friend-or-whatever set a relaxed pace onto the path and looked out onto the deep blue water. “I can’t sit around the hotel room the entire day, can I? And Rome is crawling with sweaty tourists and noisy journalists.”

“So you wanted to get some quality time outside?” Hisoka absentmindedly ran his tongue over his own sharp incisors.

“Correct.” Illumi didn’t seem to notice, or at least ignored, the predatory gesture.

“With me.”

He missed a beat before a simple, “It seemed appropriate.”.

This earned him an appreciative purr, before the men walked in silence along the large lake. Italy still wouldn’t reach its heights of temperatures this time of year, but any breeze was still a welcomed change from the rising humidity and sting of the sun. Hisoka wondered how much the others pale skin would change if he’d expose himself for a bit longer to the sun, if he’d immediately burn up in red, or if he’d start to tan, even just the faintest bit. He’d definitely look more alive, less like a puppet on invisible strings.

They continued to walk in a comfortable silence next to each other, took in the different sounds and sights of nature and the others presence, until eventually they reached the border of one of the shore towns. Beautiful stone buildings climbed the side of a smaller hill, only interrupted by greenery sprouting up between them. The main path was lined with flower shops, cafes, and Gelateria, whose smells mixed into a pleasant sweetness in the air. But one store in particular stood out. It wasn’t super flashy, it could have been found in any city and any street, but Hisoka knew this one from memory.

Without hesitation, he grabbed the others hand, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“Excuse me-“ Before he could free his hand, Hisoka intertwined their fingers and pulled him closer.

“Let me treat you to something as well, I promise you won’t regret it,amore.” As his flaming eyes were met with a wrinkled nose, the sunshades Illumi were as not-telling as his eyes, he added “If you do regret it, I’ll gladly let you drown me right here.”

There was hesitation as the other mans wrist twitched against his hold. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

The absence of a struggle was still taken as accepting whatever had gotten him so excited, and thus Illumi was quickly pulled and seated outside the small café. Hisokas attitude had changed from a lazy yet scheming happiness, to pure, unfiltered excitement. It became almost impossible for him to sit still, he rapidly tapped his fingernails against the small glass table, until a waitress (in her mid-40s, he assumed) stepped out. She handed the men a small, leather bound menu, though both were immediately snatched by Hisoka and held back towards her.

“Non sarà necessario. Ordineremo la Cheesecake alla fragola. Grazie.”

“Certamente.” The woman replied with a smile, before she retreated into the shop.

“Cheesecake?” Illumi asked with a raised eyebrow, he had taken off his sunglasses by now and placed them on the table.

Hisoka tutted, “Not any Cheesecake, dear, it is the best Cheesecake you will ever have. I will have it at my wedding, funeral, and every occasion in between that.”

“I take it you’ve been here before.”

“When I had just moved to Rieti, I’d come here almost every weekend, though I unfortunately stopped when weekends became workdays as well.” He considered carefully how much more he was willing to share about that time of his life with the other, though the decision was taken off him as the waitress approached with two plates, each adorned with a generous slice of cheesecake, topped with strawberry slices and strawberry jam dripping off it.

His jaw clenched in anticipation as he watched Illumi take the first bite of the cake, reminiscent of all the rituals he’d do for him whenever he visited. It felt degrading to admit that he wanted to impress and gain the approval of the Zoldyck, but not degrading enough to stop the attention seeking behaviour.

A bite. Some careful chewing. Averted eyes because Hisoka was staringbut he did not care. He swallowed.

Illumi didn’t look at him as he spoke, seemingly engrossed in studying the décor of the shop. But his eyes betrayed him, Hisoka swore he saw something within the dark orbs glisten and flash to life. He didn’t know people could smile only with their eyes, but Illumi continued to be different in the most intoxicating way. “It’s… really good.”

Hisoka tried hard not to pick up his train of thought from the morning, tried not to think about what he wanted from Illumi or a relationship, and he especially tried not to think about the growing urge to leap across the table at that very moment to kiss him until their lips were sore. Instead, he started to eat his own cake, and failed to supress his sharpened smile.

They ate mostly in silence, safe for Hisokas muffled crazed snickering, and ordered espresso to chase down the thick cake.

“Hey, let’s play a game. What is wrong with that woman over there?” Hisoka pointed at a blonde who rested against a railing near the lake.

Illumi seemed to consider for a second whether he even wanted to play a weird game like that, before he stopped mid espresso-sip. “Ah. Those red heels are obviously spray-painted on.”

“Bingo~! It’s super obvious, right? You can still see the black shine through.”

“I’m more concerned about the uneven stitching on her shirt. Either she did that herself, or she has gotten scammed.”

Somehow that conversation triggered them to analyse the fashion choices of every stranger they encountered on their way back to the car with increasingly devilish tones. Illumi Zoldyck was a surprisingly good gossiper, and Hisoka filed that fact into the growing corner of his brain that he reserved just for him.

In the car, Illumi informed him they would just head to his hotel room to get dressed for the show, and then head there together. Any attempt at a joke about spending hotel-room-time wisely was, expectedly, cut off.

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Illumi had never focused on the road this much in his entire life. He tried to be grateful that they had managed to get ready for the show in his hotel room without any major incidents, but now Hisoka was seated next to him again, wearing the suit he made for him. He looked good, annoyingly so. Naturally, Illumi wouldn’t grant him the satisfaction of telling him that though. He had indulged the man plenty enough for that day already and was holding back from chastising himself for it.

Last night had made him soft, Illumi decided. A brief waver of confidence and self-preservation that made him want to spend one-on-one time with Hisoka, in what may have resembled friendship to an outsider.

But his head was clearer now, cleansed from whatever foolishness had overcome him – the image of his mother recovering from a coughing fit and regaining her composure crept itself into his mind. Unrelated, he thought, though cleared his throat regardless.

“Machi says the crowd tonight is dreadful. Do you think she is just saying that to keep me from going~?” Hisoka tapped his long nails against the screen of his phone. Machi was a model they both have worked with in the past, though she was no where close to a breakthrough. A pretty face, objectively spoken, though smaller than most models, and the personality of royalty about to be executed. Do they always text each other?

“She’s there as well today?” He tried not to sound bitter. He didn’t have a reason to be bitter.

“Mhm, she’s modelling for a friend of hers it seems, though all the examples she sent me looked like someone with a priest-kink designed them, so it doesn’t hurt as much that she didn’t hire me as her artist.”

A moment of silence. “I see.” Illumi was not going to indulge Hisoka even more by inquiring about the nature of his relationship to the woman. It did not concern him; it wasn’t relevant to him or his work.

“Illumi?” Hisoka leaned over in his seat, golden eyes piercing into the side of his face.

“Yes, Hisoka?” Just now he noticed that he had been clenching his jaw uncomfortably.

“Are you jealous of Machi?” He didn’t need to look to know that Hisoka was smiling from one ear to the other, voice dripping with joy. He wasn’t going to look at Hisoka.

“You are insane. Why would I be jealous of her? I pity the girl, still having to work as a favour for acquaintances.”

Predatory eyes continued to drill into him, and a dangerous purr escaped the man, “Is that so?”.

“Yes, don’t be ridiculous.” They pulled into the valet line.

“Then you surely won’t mind that she’ll meet us in the entrance hall, wonderful!”

Illumi shouldn’t mind. It should be perfectly fine that instead of spending the evening alone with Hisoka, a good-looking young woman with an unclear relationship to him would meet them. He definitely couldn’t be jealous; it would be irrational and yet-

He threw the keys to the car at the valet and grabbed the number-marker without a word. His face wouldn’t give it away to others, that he was practically fuming, but Hisoka seemed to take pleasure in the subtle way that Illumis facial features tightened. “I heard jealousy can give you wrinkles~” Hisoka whispered cheekily as they approached the venue entrance, rows of reporters and interviewers lined at the sides, even more so than at the opening day before.

“You must have a lot of experience with that.” He hissed in reply and straightened his posture as they passed the crowd, mostly reporters who desperately tried to take pictures of attendees. Pictures, Interviews, all loathsome cries for attention that Illumi has always tried to avoid as much as possible without damaging the families reputation. He looked down the carpeted entrance and spotted the young woman known as Machi Komacine, clothed in a painfully tight black dress adorned with rosaries draped around her waist like belts, her messy pink hair pulled into a high ponytail. Her posture signalled boredom, but her eyes screamed murder.

Illumi was not a man who easily feared anyone, especially not a woman who stands at 5’2 proud; But he also was not necessarily thrilled to approach her. As he tried to hiss something in Hisokas direction again, something about not having much time to chat with their acquaintance due to meeting a client, he noticed: The other man had stayed behind, and was now busy posing for numerous cameras. Their eyes met, and with a mischievous grin, Hisoka held his hand out to beckon Illumi closer. For Pictures. Together.

Take pictures with Hisoka together in a public appearance that will most definitely set the gears of the rumour mill in motion; Or approach Machi alone and run the risk of uncomfortable conversation about our respective relationships to Hisoka?

He looked back at Machi, whose eyes met his instantly with a raised eyebrow. Fucking Hell-

Illumi made his way back to Hisoka, casually disregarded the hand that was held out to him and positioned himself as practiced – left arm leisurely to the side, right arm three quarters across his front. Not too strict, but not too relaxed either. In contrast, Hisoka had his left hand in the pocket of his suit, his right hand rested on Illumis shoulder as if were the most natural thing in the world. Journalists started to yell even more for their attention now, asking pesky questions that he tried to ignore, telling them to stand closer to each other, the likes. He kept the façade of his neutral face through the blinding flashes intact, even as Hisoka snaked his arms from his shoulder around his waist. “Do you wish for a public execution?”

“It looks better for the pictures~”

Illumi brushed a few strands of hairs behind his shoulder and used the motion to glance back to where Machi was waiting, her steady gaze on the two of them. “It’s rude to let her wait.”

“How considerate you are!” Hisoka snickered. “I know you aren’t jealous, caro, but I’d still like to reassure you of something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Machi and I look for, how should I say, very different things in a partner.” He tugged at Illumi waist and pulled him closer. “She’s looking for women and I am not.”

“Oh.” Illumi continued to look at the reporters cooing for their attention, as he tried not to think of the warm hand on his waist that felt searing hot and- Wait.

“OH.” He turned in Hisokas hold to properly look at him, who in turned grinned like the cat that ate the canary, then he looked back to Machi, and suddenly he felt stupid, which he didn’t experience a lot.

“Feeling relieved, even though you definitely weren’t jealous?”

“I think they got enough pictures.”

Illumi heard Hisokas snickering trail behind him as he made his way down the entrance. Machis eyes met his again, hands steady on her hips. Up closer now, he could observe the details of her dress, white seams stitched into crucifixes that crept up the sides, and the number “3” painted on every bead of the rosaries. It was cleanly executed, but Illumi was confident in the superiority of his own work.

“Miss Komacine.” He extended his hand to her, which she shook half-heartedly.

“Illumi. I’d like to get to business talk right away, so I don’t have to look at this clown longer than necessary.”

“Business talk?”

The young woman lit a cigarette for herself and shot a glare to Hisoka. “I assume you didn’t tell him I wanted to speak with him?” This granted her only a shrug and a smile from the man. “Fine, whatever. Illumi, I want to model for your next line, it would proof beneficial for both of us.”

“I don’t deal in women’s fashion. Furthermore, I do not see how I’d gain benefits from having you work for me.” Finally, a topic he felt comfortable to speak about, even it was only to criticize the woman for her awful attempt at business.

“I don’t mind wearing a suit, you should be at least competent enough to make smaller sizes, right?” She stepped closer to push a sharp index finger against his chest. “And about those benefits; Having me model for you would give me more exposure from a mainstream crowd, and thus exposure for my group. You would gain exposure to a wider audience of underground fashion-following, that isn’t influenced by your family’s name, meaning you could manifest a name for yourself. Unless you prefer being ‘a Zoldyck’ forever.”

The nerve. The audacity. Illumi considered just calling her a presumptuous cunt and leaving with his pride intact, but Machi looked like the kind of woman who knew how to slice car tires and break-wires.

A manicured hand curled around his shoulder, and Hisoka pushed himself between Machi and him. “What could be better than this; My two favourite people in this world, getting along, talking friendly business. Unfortunately, dear Machi, there’s some people inside that are dying to meet us tonight, so we’ll catch you later~”

Before he could object, Illumi was pushed through the entrance of the venue. The large runway was occupied by a high-end brand that premiered their women’s gala collection, mood-lighting engulfed the rest of the room, rhythmic beats of low music drowned out most of the talking crowd.

“Be a darling and just let her offer simmer a little. Machi can be very scary when she’s mad, and not in the way I enjoy.” Hisoka purred closer to his ear.

“Did you know she was going to ask?”

“What if I did?”

A waiter offered them drinks on a tray, and Illumi leisurely grabbed a glass of champagne.

“What does that even mean, ‘a Zoldyck’, as if it is something bad.”

“Don’t wreck your pretty head over it, you know how women are.” Hisoka laughed, and Illumi wasn’t sure how serious he meant that, considering that personally he had no idea how women are, and after newest revelations, neither did Hisoka.

But through the course of the night, Illumi couldn’t get it out of his head. He pretended not to notice how people approached Hisoka, addressed him by his name, first or full name, and talked with him about the content he has created, complimented on his most recent videos and looks. And he pretended not to notice how people approached him, addressed him only by his last name, and asked about the family business. “Mr. Zoldyck, are you going to write an article about this line?” “Mr. Zoldyck, about the next issue-“ “Mr. Zoldyck, tell my greetings to your father.”

No word about his own collection he had premiered. No one even uttered his first name.

He was ‘a Zoldyck’. Nothing more, nothing less.

“If looks could kill, we’d be ankle deep in a blood bath by now.” Hisoka snaked an arm around Illumis waist again and rested his hand on the tip of his hip. The designer took a long sip of the bitter champagne, casually slapped away the offending hand, and kept his dark eyes fixed on the crowd. “Still pouting because Machi was being a bully?”

“I am not pouting.”

“And you weren’t jealous either, got it~”

An eye roll, followed by “I have a headache, what’s the time anyway?” Illumi tried to reach for his phone in his pocket, though before he could grab it, Hisoka took hold of his wrist. They locked eyes, and even in the dim lighting of the venue, Illumi saw something wild glisten in those amber eyes. “Let’s leave, together, to my place.”

“Very subtle, Hisoka. I am not going to-”

“Indulge me, Tesoro, I want to show you something.” Determined to blame it on the repulsive atmosphere that had build itself up at the fashion show, Illumi let himself be swept away by Hisoka for the second time that day. The thought of getting away from noisy reporters and cockroaches of the industry who only knew him as the eldest Zoldyck.- former Heir to the empire, was pleasant enough, yet he also didn’t have to be alone and actively think about his reputation, name, and being a ‘lapdog’, technically a win-win situation.

The drive back to the apartment was oddly quiet, despite Hisokas prior excitement. The car tore through the dark night primarily in silence, only accented by the ‘The Velvet Underground’ album they agreed on after scrolling through Hisokas bizarre Spotify library. It definitely wasn’t the kind of music he was used to from the home he was raised in, didn’t fit between the classical music his mother used to play before her headaches made it impossible and the obscene noise music that Killua would play to trigger the same headaches.

“Could you check my messages for me?”

Hisoka hummed in response and grabbed the phone, manicured nails tapping on the screen, before dropping it unceremoniously back into the cup-holders. “Batteries dead.”

“That can’t be, I charged it before I went out this morning, the battery is supposed to hold for a minimum of 72 hours when idle.”

“Your dainty British batteries sometimes give out under Italian heat, invest in better engineering, and charge it at my place for now.”

“…This will better be worth the trouble.”

The streets of Rieti were expectantly empty, and Illumi parked the car right in front of the apartment (Was it a legal parking spot? Unlikely. But parking fines barely matter when seemingly half the world knows your families name.)

The stairs, the door, the entrance, Illumi knew all of these things about Hisokas apartment. “What is there to show me?”

“Patience. Come here~” Hisoka opened the doors to the balcony, white drapes gently tossed in the fresh breeze. The Zoldyck followed- with sceptical hesitation, but followed nonetheless.

He rested his hands on the railing, eyes turned sky-wards, a few strands of hair upset by the wind.

“If you took me here to just look at the stars, I’m not sure which one of us is the bigger fool.”

“Right, if we wanted to look at soon-to-be dead stars, we could have stayed at the show. But we’re not here for them. They are insignificant, always there to look at until one day they vanish and are forgotten. The real star of the show is over there.” He pointed a long nail at the night sky, and Illumi tried to follow where it pointed.

“The moon? Really?”

“Close, but also mundane and boring. Here- “Before Illumi could react, the strange man had placed their heads next to each other and started to correct Illumis position with a pointed yet gentle grip on his chin. “Look straight ahead.”

Just a little bit off to the left of the moon shone a star brighter than anything else, for a moment Illumi felt ridiculous for missing it.

“It’s Venus. Among all these long dead stars, she’s ever present, stands out the most, and is a rare sight to behold.”

“You took me away from the show to gaze at other planets?” Illumi turned towards the other man, suddenly all too aware of how close they were standing once again.

“I took you away from the show because no one there is capable of understanding your true potential. The way everyone there only sees you as an extension of your family is so infuriating, that it makes me want to ruin all their hopeless little dreams right in front their pitiful faces.” With a swift movement Hisoka had pinned the designer against the railing of the balcony. “You could crush all these people under your heel and make them beg for forgiveness. And there’s nothing I’d rather see than that.”

“I don’t need to make anyone beg, if I want something, I get it. It’s always been like that.” A cold thumb traced the line of his sharp chin, followed by a dark chuckle, and all of a sudden Illumi felt fatigued, all air leaving his lungs. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembers his mother recalling symptoms like that. It’s a sickness, nothing more nothing less.

“You get it because you’re a pretty show dog held on a short leash by your family.”

Fucking lapdog. The weight on his chest feels like it could crush his organs any second.

“I’m not asking you to bite the hand that feeds you. But I’d give everything to see what you could do if you were free of restraints.”

Feeling like he needed to hold onto anything, Illumi grabbed onto the back of the other man’s head, fingers buried in wild hair. “And why would you care so much? If you’re just trying to rile me up, there’s ways that don’t make me want to throw you off the balcony and watch your mangled body struggle for life.”

“It’s because you fascinate me, Illumi. You’re my Venus in a sea of dying stars. I want to observe you in all your glory as you outshine everyone else, in your full potential.”

“Who says I won’t crush you as well?” His fingers grasped harder on a few strands of hair. Everything in his body felt wrong, the way his skin was freezing all over, but searing hot wherever he made contact with the other man, the suffocating weight on his chest increased by the second, and in the back of his mind something about sickness echoes again.

They locked eyes, and just then Illumi noticed how close they truly were, Hisokas hot breath falling onto his lips.

And he should have pushed him away.

Should have slapped him, insulted him like the sorry maggot he was.

But he felt weak and sick and so cold, and Hisoka radiated pure heat.

Their lips met, softer than expected of either of them, and Illumi wondered if this is what it feels like to be saved from drowning.

A pleasant warmth seeped into his body, and his lungs felt weightless, like he could breathe for the first time in his life.

Hisoka kissed like each touch might be the last, and Illumi let himself be guided as he wanted, eventually wrapping his arms around the others neck, eager to steal as much of this intoxicating heat as possible.

The man kissed along his jawline, stopping just barely below his ear. “Stay here tonight, cuore mio.”

And Illumi placed a kiss to his temple, as gentle as a man who was never been taught gentleness with people could manage. “Let’s go inside.”

[ducktracy]

175. speaking of the weather (1937)

release date: september 4th, 1937

series: merrie melodies

director: frank tashlin

starring: mel blanc (leopold stokowski, cholly jam, walter snitchall, dog), billy bletcher (prisoner, judge)

a frank tashlin directed merrie melody? yes, you’ve got that right! tashlin finally joins friz freleng and tex avery in directing the more expensive, prioritized merrie melodies. considering tashlin was so outspoken with his disdain for porky, i’m sure this was a breath of fresh air for him, finally able to use his talents elsewhere.

inspired by the early days of hugh harman and rudolf ising (as he himself conceded), tashlin makes his merrie melodies debut by sticking to a genre tried and true: books coming to life. tashlin would direct three of these, the other two being have you got any castles? and you’re an education. ironically, the latter would be his final WB entry in the ‘30’s, getting fired from the studio after an argument and then making his return in 1943 with the tour de force porky pig’s feat. for now, we’re treated with a variety of “books coming to life” gags--including a plot with an escaped convict.

open to the cityscape in the dark, a yellow clock face illuminating the silhouettes against the deep, blue, sky. the camera trucks out and pans over to a drug store, complete with that streamlined, frank tashlin look--these opening backgrounds are nothing short of gorgeous. the backgrounds in the tashlin cartoons, both black and white and in color, have always been some of my favorites. i’m not so sure who does the backgrounds in tashlin’s unit here, though i do know a man by the name of art loomer was in charge of the background department in the ‘30′s. the background artists didn’t get credits until the mid ‘40′s, so sometimes trying to identify them can be a bit of a guessing game. but i digress!

inside the pharmacy, we pan across the seemingly interminable magazine shelves. everything is coated in a dark shadow, until the camera focuses on a spotlighted magazine--radio stars, with musical comedian bob burns--labeled as “bob boins” on the magazine cover--playing the bazooka (a trademark of his) to the tune of “with plenty of money and you”. certainly a frequent tune in the 1937 cartoons! a nice, simple choice to do a close up of him playing the instrument and gasping for air--the solid yellow background really brings out the animation and makes it the priority, so that the audience isn’t distracted by extraneous details. plus, saves paint, saves money! 

after more strenuous playing, the bazooka breaks into pieces. segue into another close-up, the skillful, dynamic animation belonging to none other than bob mckimson, who was one of the studio’s best animators (if not best!) and later a director. the animation is strikingly realistic, perhaps even offputting--it looks quite similar to his animation of uncle sam in the terminally boring chuck jones cartoon old glory a mere two years later. burns tells us “y’know folks, i can’t play this bazooka as good as uncle fudd back in van buren. we know him as uncle fudd, you know him as ted lewis!” the uncle fudd bit is lost on me, but the van buren reference is a nod to bob burns’ title: the arkansas traveler. burns would often reminisce about family stories back in van buren, arkansas. coincidentally, frank tashlin worked at van beuren studios before rejoining the warner bros. staff as a director.

a clarinet toting lewis gives his trademark catchphrase of “is everybody happy?”, prompting ned sparks (known for his deadpan demeanor) to grovel “no!” in response. nevertheless, lewis launches into a rendition of “with plenty of money on you” on his clarinet, sparking an entire dance party from the magizines: a beaver from the cover of outdoor life strums the bass with its tail, a pair of silhouettes dance together on the cover of “[the] dance” magazine (as well as a pair of boxers from “the ring”), and two dandelions from “house and garden”, with animation reused from friz freleng’s 1935 short flowers for madame.

lewis ends his song by doing a variety of very smoothly animated acrobatics, including some wonderfully fluid animation of him twisting through his own legs. toys (reused from toytown hall, among other cartoons... perhaps as far back as the shanty where santy claus lives? it’s hard to keep these cartoons straight!) from child life magazine cheer him on, as do a jovial, giggling hugh hubert reused from the coocoo nut grove, all underscored by a brief rendition of “the merry go round broke down”. the number is complete as lewis takes a bow, with some nice animation of his coattails shaking their anthropomorphic fists in the applause.

elsewhere, more magazine gags: a snake charmer on the cover of “asia” magazine woos a hose on the cover of “better homes and gardens”, prompting it to dance and spit out water. the water rains down upon famed conductor leopold stokowski (who collaborated with walt disney in the making of fantasia a few years later), who dons the cover of “the etude”. the underscore is, fittingly, “september in the rain”, also the title of a friz freleng merrie melody just a few months later. stokowski opens up his sheet music: william tell’s “the storm”. pressing a button, a mini windshield wiper wipes away the raindrops from the music sheets. the rain animation is very well done, especially pooling on top of the music. my guess would be that this is A.C. gamer at work, warner bros.’ effects animator.

the decision to have silence (save for the sound effects of stokowski tapping his music stand and the rain) prelude the oncoming rendition of “the storm” is a powerful one indeed. stokowki directs with all his might, pulling his hair and moving spastically, mirroring the intensity of his music... and then comedic timing swoops in wonderfully well as he bursts into a slightly off tune rendition of the title song, “speaking of the weather”, sparking the music portion of the short. this is probably my favorite song that has a merrie melody in its honor--it’s very catchy, both the original version and the cartoon’s rendition!

quite a bit of animation is reused from previous cartoons in this one, but the decision to reuse animation from a tom palmer cartoon took me by surprise. three women (the boswell sisters) seated at a piano sing the chorus, reused from 1933′s i’ve got to sing a torch song. for those who don’t know, tom palmer lasted a never-ending stint of 2 cartoons at warner bros before getting fired on account of how poor his shorts were. he also introduced the world to buddy, the blandest studio mascot of all time, who dominated shorts from 1933-1935. thanks, tom! 

elsewhere, a caricature of lydia pinkham sings affectionately to a caricature of clark gable (reused from the coocoo nut grove), who cleverly dons the cover of “woman’s home companion” magazine. elsewhere, tongue sandwiches stick out their human tongues and “la la lala” along to the rhythm, reused from buddy’s beer garden. the tongue sandwich gag would be reused even as recently as bob clampett’s 1941 goofy groceries--for all i know, he could have been responsible for the original gag in buddy’s beer garden in the first place. you often have to take some of his claims of what he made with a grain of salt, but he did mention that he pioneered the whole “___ come to life” sequences at warner’s, so it serves as some food for thought! 

more gags include a teapot (reused from little dutch plate) whistling along to the rhythm, a caricature of greta garbo reading a book and using her shoes as a rocking chair, a dancing lobster whose frequented many cartoons, debuting in how do i know it’s sunday?, and clams clacking to the rhythm. as the song winds to an end, topped off with the cheering toys from earlier (as well as oddly segmented animation of hugh hubert jamming his fingers together in applause), a shifty looking crook (animated by volney white) furtively sneaks out of his post from “the gang” magazine. i LOVE the choice to slow down the beat of the music at the appearance of the gangster--the rhythm becomes much more furtive and cautious. 

more volney white animation as the gangster uses a spare blowtorch to burn off the front of a safe plastered on “the magazine of wall street and business”. pan over to a caricature of fictional detective charlie chan, telling the convict that he’s under arrest. the fade to the next scene obscures the animation, but there’s a nice little bit of animation as chan twirls his gun in satisfaction. next scene, the criminal (whose bellows are provided by none other than billy bletcher) gives his confession, obscured by silhouettes--bright pink silhouettes, a jarring yet intriguing design choice. his interrogation takes place, of course, on true confessions magazine. 

the judge, also voiced by bletcher, sentences the criminal to life... magazine, a gag that would be reused 9 years later in book revue--my favorite of these book series. i didn’t notice this until the time of writing this review, but the animation of the judge is rather whimsical and fun: he has a tattoo of a pinup girl on his forearm (labeled mabel), and as he jabs his finger through his long beard in the midst of his sentencing, flies flutter out to indicate his age. 

struggling against the bars, the prisoner wipes his brow in defeat, until something out of his peripheral catches his eye. i think this may be bob bentley animation--the animation of the prisoner wiping his brow matches up rather well with the scene he did of porky wiping his brow in porky’s railroad. the criminal sneaks behind a wall of magazines, a pan across the scene being our only guide to his movement. with that, he stumbles upon another magazine with prison bars: liberty magazine, where he escapes with ease.

a caricature of columnist walter winchell lives up to his dubbed name of “walter snitchall” as he alerts the public about the prison break, peeking through a keyhole provided by look magazine for his evidence. thus sparks the infamous tashlin montage: overlays of various animated scenes all at once to convey a sense of heightened dramatics and urgency. cop cars, bugle horns, boy scouts on the run, even tarzan and a stampede of animals (reused from the coocoo nut grove and porky in the north woods respectively). as if this cartoon couldn’t date itself further, we’re also met with recycled animation (perhaps from buddy of the apes???) of blackface caricatured natives joining the fight. even animation is reused from as far back as 1931′s ride him, bosko! with a gang of cowboys riding their horses into battle. 

time for another caricature, this one being william powell, who lumbers out to a constipated rendition of “the boulevardier from the bronx”. powell starred in the movie “the thin man” three years earlier, and is caricatured as such from his side profile, which is practically non-existent. a dog from “dog world” brags “that’s my pop!” and jumps to join his side.

something you’ll notice throughout this cartoon is the magazine dates: they’re almost all dated october 1946. common speculation is, seeing that this cartoon got a blue-ribbon release in 1945 (which means it was re-released for theaters), that they went back in and changed the dates of the magazines to appeal to the more modern audience. i doubt this is true: this is the same studio who didn’t switch to having full color cartoons until late 1943 to save money--i doubt they’d do something so costly and meticulous as changing the dates on magazine covers. 

nevertheless--the convict is now disguised as a baby, donning the cover of better babies magazine. volney white does some nice hat takes as the convict realizes he’s being followed, his baby bonnet twisting up as it attempts to contain the prisoner’s cap from flying through the roof in shock. william powell’s dog sniffs the ground... and we pan back to reveal powell doing the exact same thing, crawling around on all fours. there’s also a GREAT little gag where powell spots something, which is evidently enough trouble to constitute him blindfolding his dog. they continue their search as normal, dog now blindfolded as they cleverly past a line of magazines: the saturday evening post (whose covers i LOVE, especially the ones by norman rockwell and j.c. leyendecker!), literally adorned with wooden posts. the joke being, of course, that powell doesn’t want his dog to stop by the post and pee on it.

some nice, sharp comedic timing as powell and his dog confront the baby carriage where the prisoner is hiding: there’s a pause, and suddenly the convict pops out from the carriage and whacks powell in the face with a baby bottle. cue the climax as the prisoner makes a break for it in a baby carriage, the music score a jaunty rendition of “country boy”. after getting pelted with eggs by a polo player, a cowboy on the front of “western story” magazine lasso’s the criminal, yanking him out of the carriage and dragging him (painfully) by his neck. you’ll notice that on the cover of the magazine, a “cal howd” is credited, referring to warner bros. storyman and short-lived director cal howard. 

all of the heroes in their little magazine worlds work together to put a halt to the criminal’s escape: ships fire cannonballs that break the makeshift noose around the convict’s neck, sending him pummeling, spears thrown by the (ugh) racist native caricatures from before cause the crook to face plant, good ol’ saint nick drops his back of toys that wrap around the convict and slow down his run (the animation complex but very well done, topped off by the sound effects of clanking and horns being crushed), greta garbo trips the crook and sends him into a pond on the cover of “country life” magazine, and so forth. i love that rendition of “country boy” as the music! it was also used in earlier 1937 high energy scenes in cartoons such as the fella with the fiddle and ain’t we got fun.

a reprisal of the title song serves as a jaunty underscore as the criminal is launched onto a giant pinball machine, where he’s sent springing around, animation reused from sunday go to meetin’ time. he hits the jackpot, his reward being a sentence to “twenty thousand years in sing sing” by “warden flaws” (a play on lewis e. lawes). hugh hubert taunts the criminal with his signature high pitched giggle that daffy would appropriate into his own signature laugh, aggravating the criminal enough to grab a globe off of the cover of the world almanac, used to sock hubert right over the head. iris out on the convict gleefully impersonating hubert, giggle and all.

this isn’t my favorite tashlin cartoon by a long shot, but it’s also not the worst entry in the book series. rewatching this one a few times certainly heightened my appreciation for the short. though it’s HEAVILY dated, it’s a very clever cartoon, especially if you put some time in to do some research on who these caricatures are or what the magazines are about. i always particularly enjoy analyzing these cartoons chock full of references--time consuming, sure, but you get to LEARN something from them and you get to actively discover and absorb new information you never knew before, and that’s what it’s all about for me.

this is a fun cartoon. the colors are nice and bright, but tastefully so, the music is jaunty and happy (again, i LOVE the original song!), and the animation has its merits. i particularly enjoy volney white’s scenes, as well as the scene of the ted lewis caricature literally bending over backwards to play his clarinet. with that said though, this isn’t a perfect cartoon: some parts feel more cobbled together than others (the scene where the toys and hugh hubert applaud ted lewis’ performance feels oddly out of place), and of course you have reused animation of blackface caricatures... but, in all, it’s an endearing cartoon. there are certainly more boring cartoons out there in this genre.

this is a cartoon i’m neutral on, but i’d say that if you’re curious to see it in action, go for it! if not, you can easily skip it. it’s not a make-or-break type of deal.

with that, here’s a link!

[koisurufortunecephalopod]

A Comprehensive Guide to DESURABBITS

Hey guys, your friendly cephalopod here to tell you all about the group I’ve fallen in love with! 

(ripping of shades sorry not sorry)

So what is this group?

Formed as DEATHRABBITS (デスラビッツ) in late 2013 when the idol group usa☆usa Shoujou Club (usa☆usa少女倶楽部) of Mochizuki Emi, Okawa Yuzu, and Yasui Karin did a crossover unit featuring the section chief of their indies label G-ANGLE RECORDS and vocalist of the digital hardcore unit AKIRADEATH, Kanzaki Akira. While “Bucho” supplies backing death metal screams and often stands around menacingly in the background, the girls sing and dance like any other idol group. Their style is often described as “Japanese Death Pop”, often compared to BABYMETAL and (OG) LADYBABY with how it has maybe a slight bit of an edge compared to other songs in the idol genre, plus metal influences. 

For the past six years, they’ve evolved their sound in a variety of different ways, trying different styles with their latest released song “Sotsugyou Shoujo- Mirai E” taking on more of a rock influence. They’re one of those groups that tends to just throw stuff at the wall to see what sticks. One of these being “ramen editions” of their singles. Starting in 2016, the singles sold at their live shows are packaged with dry ramen, and purchasing one also sends packets of ramen to disenfranchised areas of Malaysia. Unfortunately as of 2019, this is being discontinued (although the members and staff have expressed interest in replacing this with ramen edition goods). They’ve also changed their name (confusingly) a few times as well-- to Desu.Rabbits (です。ラビッツ) in 2016, and recently to DESURABBITS (デスラビッツ) in February 2019. Either way, most fans affectionately refer to them either as “DesuRabi” or “Rabbits.” 

Also fun fact, Bucho is bffs with Ladybeard because of course those two are friends. They crowdfunded a unit song that’s a collaboration between their groups called “DEADLIFT RABBITS”

Members!

Mochizuki Emi (望月愛実)

Currently 17 and about to start her final year in high school, Emi is the youngest member of the group and was only a sixth grader in elementary school when she joined. Her parents were both involved in the music industry, leading her to become interested in becoming a singer from an early age. She’s the lead vocalist of the group as well as the center of all currently released songs. She’s the one who gets all of the long solo parts and has always had a rather strong voice since she joined.  Emi’s grown up A LOT since the early days (they’ve never posted heights on their profiles, so we’re not sure, but she has guessed that she’s grown about 15cm (~6 inches) and has gotten a much more mature hairstyle. As the baby of the group, in some of their older material, she would often come across as a little spoiled and quick-tempered and compared to that she’s really mellowed out, becoming more mature and cool-headed.  Her English pronunciation is impeccable, but she actually isn’t very good at speaking it in conversation.  Before member colors were abolished in 2019, her image color was pink! She also posts song covers on her personal Youtube channel, but it hasn’t been active for a while. 

Okawa Yuzu (大川柚)

Yuzu is the leader and often the one tasked with leading MCs and acting as the spokesperson of the group. Since joining, her catchphrase has been “Always full of energy,” which is something that describes her well. While she isn’t necessarily a ball of sunshine bouncing off the walls, she has more of an intense “Let’s give 100% to everything” sort of energy to her. She takes her role as leader very seriously; consulting with staff about the direction of the group and recently dying her hair ash pink and requesting that her new costume look “strong and like she can fight in it” in order to really highlight how their new era is about taking a new direction.  Since early childhood, Yuzu has aimed for a career in show business. Originally wanting to be a talent or a broadcaster, she eventually studied dance in order to become an idol. From there she made connections with singer-songwriter and producer of other idols and artists (such as KOTO, Terashima Yufu, and TsubasaFly), SAWA. She is the best dancer in the group, so look for her if there’s a dance break.  Her voice is the deeper one out of the girls, although she doesn’t get as many solo parts as Emi. It was announced recently that she will be getting her first center song as the double A-side with “Sotsugyo Shoujo”, “Demo, Nigenna.” She’s also an avid bookworm and very studious, and will be attending university this spring.  Her member color was previously purple! 

Yasui Karin (安井夏鈴)

Karin is the oldest of the three girls and the mood maker. She’s carefree and my pace beyond my pace. If she actually speaks during an MC (and isn’t just staring off into space the entire time), she will most likely forget what she’s saying halfway through the sentence because she’s always off in “Kariko World” as she calls it. She has a very distinct way of speaking that’s very slowly rhythmic, so she will often get speaking lines in songs (and recently something of a rap verse). Her singing voice is also the most “idol-like” of the three-- high pitched and sweet-- but while she also doesn’t get many solos, it’s very easy to pick out. Also she has such sweet guitar skills. She and Tomo-zo should totally collaborate. Totally. I can’t find much about her background, but I do want to say on a personal note that she was the first member to remember my name and that I was a Bucho oshi after even the first time I saw them. And every time she’s the one taking the cheki, the camera “somehow” doesn’t have any film in it and you two just have to hold that pose for a bit. Karin will also be attending university in the spring and I am so proud of her.  She used to be the green member!

Kanzaki Akira (神崎晃) Bucho (部長)

The 41-year-old section head (or “bucho” in Japanese) at the record label G-ANGLE RECORDS with a background in singing in metal, grindcore, enka, and classical styles who was a vocalist in a handful of metal and rock bands from high school that never went anywhere, Bucho officially emerged in the music world in 2006 with the underground digital hardcore duo AKIRADEATH. As such, Bucho’s role in DESURABBITS is to provide backing death metal vocals (and rap). At 190cm (~6′5′’) with his gas mask and body armor, he can strike an intimidating figure. Despite this, he usually plays the part of a bumbling goofball of an “uncle” figure to the rebellious teenage girls. He himself is a huge idol wotaku (which is really annoying at events when you’re trying to get a two-shot with him and he’s wandered off to get in line for a different idol group. The girls however seem to find it hilarious to yell across the very crowded room for him to get back here because Loren wants to take a cheki with him) and has done video streams talking about the state of the idol industry. While he definitely doesn’t dance (but is incorporated into the choreography sometimes), he does his best in the back to kind of furi-copy or give gestures for the wota-gei if he’s not bumping into things.  As technically a part of the record label staff, there is something of a debate over his status of a member. Since the early days of the group, there was a theme of “Emi, Yuzu, and Karin vs. Bucho,” with even several of their one-man concerts being titled as such and given the caveat of “if tickets sell out, Bucho will be fired.” However, as of their 2019 makeover, it was announced that they will be “graduating” from this image and “allowing” Bucho to be a member.  In the earlier singles, his involvement was a lot larger (often having full verses), but his vocal parts have been scaled down a lot since 2015. Since 2018, he has remedied this by often having a DJ set up behind the girls and DJing live along with their performances (doing some sick mashups while singing, it’s pretty sweet), and their most recent song plays this up. He also does solo DJing as “DJ Bucho.” Not to be confused with “DJ Akira,” which is just what he calls himself when he talks in an “ikemen voice.”  His member color was black!

Okay, so what about their music?

WELL I’M GLAD YOU ASKED. HAVE A COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF MY OPINIONS. 

“Idol STAR WARS”

Their very first song. The girls are at peak baby. Emi is a literal fetus. 

I actually really like the instrumental for this, it has a bit of a gritty electronic edge to it. It sets the precedent for their style of “cute but with a screaming man”, but is a bit more so, because Bucho actually has verses???

The chorus is pure sugar pop though I love it

But what I love more is Bucho just hecking going off with the verbal keysmash screams after the final chorus. Fucking spectacular you funky bastard.

I’m pretty sure they only filmed like seven minutes of video for the music video. I’m not convinced Bucho and the girls were ever in the same building. 

“Hell Near Bucho ~ Ugokisugi da yo Nihonjin 2013 ~”

The B-side off of Idol STAR WARS, so still pretty old form with the line distribution but

Bucho screaming about having a hernia for four minutes

ngl because of the title being partly in English and the album version having a random-ass intro with an American woman talking about Bucho battling an endless battle with the enemy of “hell near” i didn’t actually make the connection for months and thought this was like. DesuRabi Lore. 

OKAY BUT THAT CHORUS IS SO CATCHY AND PEAK IDOL I LOVE IT

And A+ screaming I love it

I really want to see it live at least once because the “Hell! Near! Bucho!” chant part sounds like it would go so hard

“Koisuru Kisetsu”

Second single, getting into their style a bit more

But they still acknowledge that like... Bucho has a name.

I highly recommend checking out the subbed version because the things Bucho is screaming about are just. What.

Literal Rabbits to represent Emi, Yuzu, and Karin

Emi, Yuzu and Karin just being like “The lyrics are kinda dark... Bucho’s singing about his love life again lmao let’s just hecking change this song because we wanna sing something else

Just hecking shove him behind some fake cherry trees. He’ll be fine.

“Omatsuri JAPAN!! Kokuhaku Night”

This is probably their most straight-up idol song. Like you could legit just have this song without him grunting in the background, but why would you want that.

Like that sounds weird by itself but trust me it really pumps up the energy of the song

It’s one of the songs that’s an absolute bop at lives, especially when they shuffle around who does the “Daisuki desu” line. And then we mosh. 

Listen it just has such a great energy that you don’t always get in the “cute summer love song” niche of idol songs and I greatly appreciate this

“DESURABBITS Gun no 7 Kajou”

Another one I highly recommend watching the subbed version for because it outlines the “Seven rules of the DESURABBITS Army”, and is basically the theme song and list of principals for the group and fans. 

Music and MV aside, I want to say that this was one of the things that REALLY sold me on the group, as the rules are all “do your best at your life outside lives, be kind to one another and the live venue” and the fanbase really reflects that. Like they’ve welcomed me more than Gachamen/pinkos which is kind of an accomplishment. 

Like you don’t gotta make your edgy idol group 2edgy4me, you can still be about respecting the fans of other groups and the other fans and just having a good time. 

ANyways

Yuzu: Yeah we have no idea what the fuck Bucho is ever saying

Emi’s vocals in the pv are really great for her age and I wish there were better quality live versions for it recently bc dang she’s improved so much

This is another goes absolutely insane at lives with the “WE! ARE! DESURABBITS! DESU!” chant it’s amazing

I do kinda love the bit where it looks like they’re going to go into a dance break and all they do is... spin. 

Also they call Bucho a mascot character

“Usagi no Kimochi”

Honestly this song is just kind of hilarious once you realize that it’s basically just “don’t talk shit online and come watch our shows”

Complete with Bucho fucking murdering the Twitter bird

They’re starting to change their styles a bit with many tonal shifts and fewer Bucho parts. I’m not personally too into the verses, but I do like the choruses

I really dig the way they go in on the “pyons” at the beginning as well as the piano parts

DJ AKIRA GA KONNICHIWA

“Chuuni no Natsu. Ojisan no Natsu.”

This is a very good summery idol song just in general and mood which I love, with that lovely piano, string, and Emi-solo intro. Very refreshing and nostalgic with a good energy to it. 

THEY LET BUCHO SING!!!! About how much he wants to go to the beach but can’t because he has work just let him go. 

But for real, I really love his singing voice here. It matches well and has a bit of a punk rock sound to it which is my jam outside of idols. Also in the last chorus the way all four of them harmonize is surprisingly nice!

Also as a song that really sums up the relationship between Bucho and Emi, Yuzu, and Karin, it’s hilariously fitting. 

KUSAI, KUSAI!

O-Ji-SA-N!

“Nande?”

First things first the video is amazing like could you guys not shoot on the same day who came up with the story what is going on who believes Bucho could fight ninjas

But honestly that’s kind of the point

ngl this is my favorite DesuRabbi song, because: 

A) HOOKS FOR DAYS. From the “nande naze nande naze nande naze” to the “chikirichi, chikirichi, chikirichi” to the “nande, nee, nande”

B) honestly joining the fandom I was in the mindset where I needed something to express my “why what what the fuck what why what”

and this song supports that that is okay. If you can’t have a happy idol song that is just like “lmao we don’t know what’s going on and that’s fine” idk you’re a stronger person than me I guess??

Also the video

This also really marks the shift into Bucho taking a backseat to the girls, which ye Emi’s voice is clearly getting stronger

But tbh the highlight for me is Karin’s solo at the start of the bridge. Her voice is perfect for the whimsical tone they’re going for at that part of like “hey it doesn’t matter my dude!”

“Shitsuren Shitara Wasabi”

Okay, just gonna be up front, I’m not the biggest fan of their 2016-2018 “です。ラビッツ” era songs. They tried experimenting with songs a lot more with tone changes and different styles, and honestly I just found them lacking the same energy. However, I love this song a lot as it has that with that same “throw a bunch of things at the wall at once”

The tone is a lot more mature than their older material, but you still get the energy, especially in that chorus

The girls are the focus, and even though Emi still has ALL OF THE SOLOS, Yuzu gets some spots too, especially her spoken line which kind of makes this “her song” among her oshis and I’m really happy that she got that since she was the only one who didn’t have that before this

The lyrics are just so hopeful and good??? Idk maybe I’ll translate someday

WASABI WASABI WASABI KURE

“Sotsugyou Shojo-Mirai E-”

Or as I like to call it “When the heck did you guys get a budget???”

This is the first song with a different producer and uh... yeah you can tell. It’s radically different with a darker, rock image, but the lyrics are really hopeful and nice. I translated them over on my jp twitter if you’re interested??

THAT BASS THO

Yuzu’s voice suits this well with her very short solos. I feel like Karin’s solo singing part barely sounds like her, but I do like her little “rap”

And of course Bucho’s rap. What a nerd I love him. 

Seriously where did they get a music video budget

I’m more into their old stuff just because that’s what I like, but I do really appreciate that they went for a harder sound but keeping the hooks and the hopeful outlook and the weird old man who stands behind them

This is most definitely the most intense dance they’ve done. Emi and Karin tried very hard. 

Okay we get it so how do we follow them?

Unfortunately, on one hand, DesuRabi very much are focused on live performances as part of the underground idol tradition. They don’t have a very active release schedule, and while their Youtube channel sometimes posts live videos, it’s a bit sporadic. HOWEVER, they are a group that if you somehow manage to get to Japan, I would HIGHLY recommend checking out, if only for the fact that they have lives almost every weekend which are very cheap and very easy to get tickets to. Unless it’s a larger event or through a different event planner, usually you just reserve under a name and email and pay at the door. The DesuRabi Army is super nice and accepting and I will possibly be there. 

But other than that: uh yeah, social media. 

Official Youtube

Official Website

Twitter (group)

Twitter (Emi)

Twitter (Yuzu)

Twitter (Karin)

Twitter (Bucho)

They’re all fairly active on twitter (although Karin will sometimes just kind of... fade from existence). Emi, Yuzu, and Karin seem to have SOME rules on when they can reply, but Bucho just replies whenever he wants, which is often. Even sometimes when he isn’t tagged in the conversation or following you. They’re always very excited to see foreign fans, so tell them Loren sent you!

[thebibliomancer]

100 Days of Comics! 045/100: Legends of the Dark Claw #1 (1996)

So today’s pull from the box of mystery brings us... Amalgam.

Oh dear.

Okay so once upon a time, Marvel and DC had a crossover and then the universes were poorly jammed together. No, I’m not talking about JLA/Avengers.

So a bunch of Marvel and DC properties were smooshed together into a new Amalgam Universe. I’ve heard that the majority of the Amalgam titles were Not Very Good and kind of half-assed. I’m not expecting much. Maybe some yuks.

Then again, Dark Claw is what you get if you squish together Wolverine and Batman which seems... like not the natural two choices for characters to be squished together. They mostly only have three things in common: a tendency to mentor the youth (although Bruce usually mentors boys and Wolverine girls), saying they are the best there is at whatever they do, and being incredibly popular.

So yeah. That third point is why they were probably jammed together.

So who else has been jammed together? We have Dark Claw’s young ward Sparrow - Jubilee dressed as Robin. Unclear whether she has her firework powers still.

There’s Huntress - Carol Danvers dressed up as Huntress. Since she lost her powers in the deal, its not really worth it. And I can’t figure out what exactly Carol Danvers contributed to this mix aside from the name.

The Hyena - Joker plus Sabretooth WHICH SEEMS LIKE A TERRIBLE IDEA.

So with all of that established, what kind of plot do you get by mashing up Wolverine and Batman?

Mostly a batman plot with references to mutant healing factors, adamantium, and two of Wolverine’s supporting cast dressed as Batman’s supporting cast.

We start off with Dark Claw attacking Hyena at the Gotham Gazette printing plant, having deciphered his fiendish riddle of “black and white and red all over.”

... Is Hyena part shitty Riddler in addition to Joker Sabretooth?

Anyway, they tussle for a while and Dark Claw threatens to slit Hyena’s throat but Hyena’s gang shows up and uses bullets until Dark Claw has to run away to his Claw Copter. As piloted by Sparrow. Who remarks that she would have preferred to be called Death Urge Overdrive instead. Which leads me to believe that Sparrow is Robin + Jubilee + Negasonic Teenage Warhead DESPITE THE DATES NOT MAKING ANY SENSE FOR THAT.

Also, Hyena throws Frolic Frags at Dark Claw but they just make normal grenade noises. That is a missed opportunity. They should have made laugh splode noises like the Green Goblin’s pumpkin bombs in Spectacular Spider-Man.

But I digress and digress and digress.

“Meanwhile, in the artsy-trendy section of Gotham” Huntress Carol Danvers in name only breaks into the swank penthouse of one Logan “techno-wizard, painter, sportsman and walking enigma.”

Yup. Instead of using the guise of an idle playboy, Logan does... a bunch of stuff sounds like. But he’s most famous for his distinctive art style “said by some critics to ‘possess the fury of feral slashes.’“

LOGAN YOU ARE BAD AT SECRET IDENTITY.

Honestly, most of the paintings we see look like he just paints slashes on top of amorphous blobs.

Huntress finds a bunch of photos that don’t jive with Logan’s public records - including a picture of him in the RCAF with Creed H. Quinn, alias Hyena.

And then she opens his closet and finds a bunch of Dark Claw outfits. YOU ARE BAD AT SECRET IDENTITY LOGAN.

There is no reason for them to be in this closet. Its revealed in just a couple pages that there’s a pneumatic tube down to the claw cave (actually called the Barrow, meh) behind a secret panel in the closet so why not have your costumes down there instead?

Well, so because Huntress can discover his identity.

Dark Claw pops out of the secret panel and demands to know what she’s up to. She explains she wasn’t after Dark Claw. She was investigating Logan’s ties to Hyena.

So Dark Claw decides to explain his whole backstory. And since he’s Batman + Wolverine, its twice as tragic. When he was five, his parents were killed in front of him by an armed robber. He was sent to live with his mountie uncle in Alberta who was then killed by some poachers. Then he was sent to an orphanage. And then as soon as he was old enough he joined the Royal Canadian Air Force. That’s where he met Creed.

Him, Creed, and four others were chosen for a secret Canadian project to create remorseless killing machines devoid of all human compassion. Because Amalgam Canada is still a terrifying hellhole.

The project succeeded too well with Creed. Because the researchers forgot that the best thing about unliving weapons is that they are usually inert weapons that don’t get up and start doing harm by themselves.

Logan was a failure. BECAUSE HE HAD A CONSCIENCE.

Geez, Dark Claw has swung a huge 180 from saying he couldn’t let Carol walk out knowing what she knows to telling her everything she didn’t already know.

I’m also kind of confused what Dark Claw’s motivation is. Batman, of course, is motivated by MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD. I guess he leans more towards Wolverine’s motivation. Or he just really hates Creed.

Anyway, Sparrow is outraged that Dark Claw let Huntress into the Claw Cave.

Sparrow: “This is totally uncool and unacceptable!! We can’t let her walk out of here knowing about all this--!!”

Dark Claw: “What do you want me to do, Sparrow--? Take her out in the woods and lose her?”

Sparrow: “Well--YEAH!!”

Heh.

And then Sparrow completely forgets about murdering Huntress when Dark Claw praises her for hacking into the typesetting computer at the Gotham Gazette and gives her an affectionate and painful looking punch in the arm. She seems thrilled.

They discover that shitty Riddler Hyena changed the morning’s headline to “AF1+NaCN=”

THE HYENA IS GOING TO POISON AIR FORCE ONE WITH SODIUM CYANIDE!

They take the Claw Copter and reach Air Force 1 just as its about to take off and Sparrow tells “the slut” to take her shot with the sniper crossbow grapple.

Because one of Jubilee’s prevailing traits at the time was a hatred for all other women, I guess? She definitely did not like Psylocke. Both out of ‘she tried to ninja murder us’ and ‘she has a much better butt than I do’ sort of thing.

Speaking of the portrayal of women in this comic, I don’t think we see either of the two female characters ever standing flat on their feet. They are always tippie toe. I hate 90s art with all of my hate.

Anyway, I digress and digress and digress, Dark Claw swings over to Air Force 1 and climbs into the wheel well. He SCHRIIP!s his way into the cockpit with his adamantium claws and tries to warn them about Hyena.

Hey, how do you think the secret service would react if an unidentified aircraft buzzed Air Force 1 as it tried to take off and then a man armed with very long claws that somehow retract into his arms seriously how do they do that ripped his way into the cockpit?

Did you guess 'they’d shoot him a lot’ in the less than one second you had between reading the end of that paragraph and starting this one? Because if so, you win the prize!

Meanwhile, Agent Sanderson is checking the potty for other interlopers and gets shot a lot by Hyena who tells the dead agent “This is no way to get a head, lad! This would probably put your career in the toilet -- that is, if you weren’t already dead!!”

Because the last thing someone wants to hear before dying of being shot a lot is shitty puns.

BADUM PISH!

Hyena sets off the shaped-like-a-masked-dog-head gas grenade filling the plane with sodium cyanide but Dark Claw adamantiums the hull open.

The explosive decompression blows them both out but also vents the gas. PRESIDENT CLINTON IS SAVED!

Because that’s totally Clinton.

Hyena has a parachute and gracefully parachutes to safety but luckily Sparrow is hanging nearby in the Claw Copter and manages to catch Dark Claw.

He thanks Sparrow and tells her to circle back so he can get another crack at the Hyena! Except the next issue box implies next issue we find who Huntress is really working for.

Although I think this was just a one-shot masquerading as the first issue for an ongoing series. Kudos to them for sticking with the illusion. They even have a bunch of fake letters in the letter section alluding to previous comics that don’t actually exist.

Implying that Amalgam didn’t only merge the main DC and Marvel continuities but their respective metatextual Earth Prime counterparts where the comics are published? Although in Marvel, that is in the main Marvel continuity. Marvel comics were even used as evidence in trials in the Marvel universe. Man, She-Hulk is great.

Geez, one of these fake letters even complains about the collector boom and big events and crossovers and metallic covers with die-cuts and holograms and thanks the creative staff for this book for writing a story for people who actually read it.

One goof though. If this is the first issue of the Legends of the Dark Claw book, where did these letters come from? Usually new books don’t get letters until the third or so issue, I think. Although I guess they were letters that were written to Sleuth Comics where Dark Claw got his start.

Amalgam! It put more effort into looking like a real ongoing than it did with the actual content sometimes!

[squarehere]

Library AU - Snow Day - The Conclusion

PART I

PART II

Decision time!  Will they stay, or will they go home?

Five Minutes Prior...

“Reference Desk, may I help you?”

...

“Could you repeat that, please??”

...

“Squirting??”

Wei quickly lost interest in the Satomobile magazine Bolin left at the circulation desk.  He shot Kya a questioning look and mouthed what the fuck? to her.  She could only shrug in response.  Uh oh, this gonna go to shit, he thought.

“Um, Sir?  You need to be more specific.”

Her face grew still while the caller described exactly what he meant.  

“I can assure you, those books don’t even exist.”

As luck would have it, Lin Beifong, the Assistant Director under Raiko, strolled in just as Kya’s reference interview grew heated.  She greeted Wei with a nod, which he returned with a humorous smirk as they listened on.

“DO I??  OK, listen.  This call is over.  If you call back again, I’m going to trace you, and you’ll be banned.  I’m hanging up now!”  With that, Kya nearly slammed the receiver down.  As if things couldn’t get more embarrassing, she looked up to find Lin standing before the desk with an amused expression.

“Crank call?”

Kya could only blush.  “M-may as well be.”

“What did he want?” Lin asked, arching her eyebrow.

She’s having too much fun with this!  Out of habit, Kya glanced around conspiratorially.  Not that anyone else was around but Wei.  Nonetheless, she motioned Lin closer and whispered into her ear.  “Books on squirting.”

“...I see....”  Lin could only sigh and shake her head.  After 35 years with the public library system, she’d seen and heard just about every crazy thing imaginable (and some unimaginable).  But there were still moments when she could be shocked.  “Well, what I have to say should take your mind off that.”

Kya’s face lit up.  “Is that so?”

Lin smiled fondly at her.  “It is.”  She then motioned Wei to the reference desk.  “Wei, you’ll want to hear this, too.”

“I’ll page everyone else,” Kya said as she reached for the intercom beneath the desk.  

“ALL AVAILABLE STAFF, PLEASE REPORT TO THE REFERENCE DESK.”

A short moment later, Bolin and Opal filed over, his hand on the small of her back while they quietly speculated on what interrupted their break.  Bolin’s hand fell the moment he saw Lin.  It was bad enough that he endured Wei’s teasing over dating his sister; he certainly didn’t need their aunt joining in!  Once at the desk, Wei “tsked” them with a disapproving look.  When Lin briefly turned away from them, Opal responded by giving her brother the finger.

“Is this everyone?” Lin addressed the group.

“Nope.  Korra and Asami are here,” Bolin piped up.

Lin glanced around the main floor.  “Where are they?”

Opal smiled impishly.  “They went the supply room.  For scissors.”

Wei and Bolin snickered away, which Lin silenced with a sharp look in their direction.  But just then, Korra and Asami appeared from the circulation office, Korra playfully pushing her girlfriend forward.  

“Glad you two could finally join us,” Lin said with a hint of mischief.

Korra sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck.  Although her friends knew of her relationship with Asami, she wasn’t certain about the administration.  She wasn’t the best at subtlety, so they must have known.  But judging from the rumors swirling about, the other directors had nothing on the two of them.  “Sorry about that.  We were getting supplies for the office.”

“I’ll bet,” Kya said under her breath.  “Anyway, I called you here because Lin has an announcement to make.  Lin?”

Lin cut right to the chase.  “I have good news and bad news.  First, the good news: Raiko finally decided to close early.  A half hour to be precise.”

The small group cheered, at which Lin smiled patiently.  Well, it’s time for the other shoe to drop.  “And now for the bad: because the roads are nearly impassible, I’m afraid we’re stranded here.”  

“Goddammit,” Asami rolled her eyes.  Other groans and curses followed.  

“Hang on, there’s more.”  Lin waited for them to quiet down before finishing. “Raiko ensured me that if you reported in today, you’ll be excused the day we reopen.  Whoever was absent today will cover the branch.”  

The group was visibly relieved.  “I suggest you make yourselves as comfortable as possible.  Kya and I will bring some emergency blankets from upstairs if you need them.”  

Once blankets were distributed and the building locked to the public, Lin and Kya treated their employees to dim sum from the street stall across from the branch, which was (surprisingly) still opened.  After the others dispersed, Kya and Lin had the floor to themselves for once.  She wrapped her arm around Lin’s shoulders.  “So chief, where are you holing up?”

Lin smiled affectionately at her and pulled her into her arms.  “Hmmm.  Your office has a cot, but I have some spiced wine upstairs that I’ve been meaning to try.  Care to join me?”

Kya kissed Lin softly and brushed a stray silver lock from her face.  As a branch manager, she tried to set a good example for her staff.  She never encouraged workplace dating, but she never discouraged it either.  This made her predicament tricky.  However, a tryst with Lin here of all places was too delicious to pass up!  She couldn’t deny that.  “How could I refuse such a tempting offer?  I can bring my cot upstairs.  Is your office soundproof?”

“Mmmm.  Don’t know.  But I’m eager to find out,” Lin responded in a low voice.

Kya laughed.  “Now we have to.  For science.  Let’s get my cot and call it a day.”

Lin kissed her once more before following Kya.  “You’re on.”

“’....And then her rock-hard nipples perked up like Cabbage Corps radio antennas.  His meat Colossus--’ Hey, stop!  I wasn’t finished!” Korra squeaked out while playfully swatting Asami’s shoulder.  

But it was no use.  She was laughing to the point of tears.  Korra couldn’t help but follow suit.  One of their favorite activities at work (besides making out) was finding the campiest, shittiest books on the shelf, turning to the juicier passages, and reading them aloud.  Sometimes it was just the two of them giggling away; other times they had a small-but-captive audience in the circ workroom.

"You really outdid yourself Korra,” Asami finally said once she took a few breaths and recovered.

“The book?”

“No, goofus!  I mean this.”  Asami gestured towards their setup: several floor pillows arranged for sleep, and an oil lantern for their only light source.  They shared one of the emergency blankets Lin and Kya gave them.  It reminded her of the many nights spend reading under her covers as a child.  “It actually looks...cozy in here.”

Korra, all smugness and charm, huffed on her nails and fake-polished them against her shirt.  “What can I say, I’m gifted.”

Asami ruffled her hair.  “I suppose you are.  In more ways than one.”

This piqued Korra’s interest.  “Oh?”

Asami slipped the book from Korra’s hand, then gave her a slow, inviting kiss.  “You know what I mean.”

Korra drew her closer and returned the kiss.  “I think I’m catching on.  I’m a slow learner.  I need some encouragement.” 

Asami gently stroked her cheek.  “Please.  You’re anything but slow.”

Korra kissed her in thanks.  Her lips trailed along Asami’s jaw to her ear.  “I’m so glad you came today.”

“Me, too.  I couldn’t let you go alone.  Besides, this would’ve been a drag without you.”

“I know, because otherwise I’d have to bunk with Wei!” Korra laughed softy, her face scrunching up.  She enjoyed his company, but he could be a handful at times.  Even for her.  

“Ugh, true enough.  Opal and Bo can babysit him just fine.”

Korra gave Asami a devilish look.  “So now I get to have you all to myself.”

“And best of all? No interruptions,” Asami said while slipping her hands under Korra’s shirt.  

“WOW!!”  Bolin was nearly speechless as he and Opal stepped outside from the loading dock.  Snow was still falling heavily from the grayish-purple sky.  Everyone’s buried Satomoblies looked like large snow drifts.

Opal, who wisely changed into pants, pulled a ruler from inside her coat and trudged a few feet into the parking lot.  “It’s almost to my knees!  Let’s get an official measurement.”  She submerged the ruler into the snow.  “Fifteen inches.”

“And counting,” Bolin said while peering up towards the sky.  Snowflakes fell onto his eyebrows and eyelashes.  He stuck his tongue out to catch a few.  

Opal turned and watched him.  He’s irresistibly cute right now!  The sight called sudden, prurient thoughts to her mind.  But Bolin noticed her staring.  “Everything OK, sweetie?”

She blushed after getting caught.  “Oh!  Um, I think we’ll get over two feet.  How much do you wanna bet?”  

“The loser makes dinner.  AND gives the winner a full body massage,” Bolin said while approaching her.  

Her blush returned.  “Deal!”  After sealing it with a kiss, Opal took a few more steps before tripping over her feet and crashing into the snow.  Her laughter broke the quiet of the storm.  

“Good idea!” Bolin dived beside her, laughing as well.  Before he knew it, she rolled on top of him and leaned down for a kiss.  Bolin wrapped his arms around her and deepened it.  “This is a first.”  He sat up, bringing her with him.

“What is?” Opal asked, straddling him and brushing snow from his hair and back.

“Making out right here on the pavement.”  While Asami and Korra had the supply room, he and Opal claimed the loading dock as their workplace hideaway.  Despite being outside, they had relative privacy there.

Unbeknownst to them, Wei was standing in the doorway.  “Are you kidding me?” he asked himself, disgusted by what he was seeing.  He smirked knowing he was about to ruin their fun.  “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, YOU TWO!!!  GET IN HERE!  I HAVE TO DO THE ALARMS!!”

The couple looked annoyed, both their cheeks flushed with embarrassment.  “SURE THING, MOM!” Opal called back.  As they stood and brushed off, she gathered a handful of snow.  Bolin snickered beside her.   Oh man, here it comes!

“I don’t know who’s worse, you or Korra and Asami--”  Before he could finish, a snowball hit him directly in the face.  “THAT’S IT!  YOU’RE IN DEEP SHIT NOW!!”

“Quit being a stick-in-the-mud, Wei!  You need a girlfriend!” Before Bolin could shoot back, Wei fired two snowballs at him, one of which was meant for his sister.

“HA!  And you guys need to get a fucking room!”  But before he knew it, Opal snuck behind him and leapt onto his back, the surprise of which knocked him over.

The three of them pelted each other with snow until they tuckered out.  Afterwards, they finally settled into the break room, made tea, and listened to their favorite radio show on the branch’s radio.  When Wei returned from setting the alarms, he found Bo slouching on the couch’s arm with Opal curled against him. He smiled.  He was truly happy for them despite his constant teasing. They deserved each other, for better or worse.  

There was just enough room for him, so he slipped beside Opal and rested against the other arm, falling asleep soon after.

[vigilante-rpg]

Here’s the first of our admin auditions which can be used as references and examples of auditions we will be accepting. Jessica will be playing the role of Thalia Winsor, taking the origin “The Sidekick”.

{{ PLAYER INFORMATION }}

NAME: Jessica

AGE: 27

PROUNOUNS: She/Her

TIMEZONE: GMT

ACTIVITY LEVEL: 7/10. I work full-time so roleplaying is very much a hobby I can fit in between work and looking after the house etc. I can say for certain that most weekdays my time online will be limited to anywhere between 19:00 – 22:00 GMT time. I have weekends off so my activity can pick up more then.

RP EXPERIENCE: A lot of my roleplays are just simply no longer available otherwise I would happily share a link. I think I have sample skeleton bios etc. for roleplays I’ve created but have no character blogs saved. I’ve been roleplaying for 14-15 years now, on multiple different platforms and in many different styles. I’ve done literate, semi, skeleton, original, canon and fandom roleplays. For a while I was an RPH and I’ve even done a newer style of cosplay-roleplaying which can be found on the blog I’m replying from. I’ve been an admin of many different literate roleplays on tumblr for almost 6 years, so I have plenty of experience with this platform and the way roleplaying works here. Literate roleplaying with a focus on character development is my favourite form.

PERSONAL TUMBLR CONTACT: Removed for Privacy

TRIGGERS: Rape, Abortion / Miscarriage, Domestic Abuse are all really big no’s for me. Those subjects bring up memories and feelings I don’t want to be thrown into. Write it if you want, please have it tagged and under a read more so I can be aware of the content. Not so much triggers but things I’d rather be under a read more or clearly tagged; Sexual Scenes, Excessive Gore, Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Self-Harm.

{{ CHARACTER INFORMATION }}

CHARACTER NAME: Thalia Winsor

PRONOUNS: She / Her

AGE: 29

ORIGIN: The Sidekick

FACE CLAIM: Sarah Gadon

QUOTE: “Be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people”

OCCUPATION: Nurse at Sacred Heart Hospital

PERSONALITY:

Compassionate: Thalia is a gentle soul and greatly cares for people. She is greatly sympathetic and tries her best to help those who need it most. Whether it’s in her day to day work as a nurse or just trying to assist those she’s encountered whilst taking to the streets as Nightingale. She is kind and well-meaning in most aspects of her life, the thought of putting herself first when there are those who need it more is one often overlooked. Her compassionate nature will be extended to those who do not deserve it, and will often be taken advantage of – she’s more than likely to give criminals who appear remorseful a second chance, or turn her back in a moment of misplaced trust.

Sincere: She’s honest, sometimes to a fault. If she gives a compliment or opinion it stems from genuine beliefs she holds, equally if she’s critical her words aren’t often softened by sugar coating it. She greatly dislikes those who lie without a guilty conscious and struggles herself to be deceitful. This honest nature has tripped her up on more than one occasion in her efforts to keep her secret identity safe. If she makes a promise she keeps it and often will hold others to the same high standard.

Well Mannered: Soft spoken and polite, she uses dulcet tones and polite compliments to diffuse an otherwise awkward situation. She was brought up with a silver spoon in her mouth and as such was forced to adhere to a strict set of rules surrounding etiquette. This was only enhanced during her training as a nurse and now her bedside manner is impeccable. This will often interfere with her attempts to sound threatening or tough in a sticky situation and only leads to people underestimating her.

Insecure: Thalia would deem her childhood, riddled with moments where she was told she wasn’t good enough, as the main factor in her insecurities. Though in truth Thalia has never helped herself out of the spiral either. She is very self-conscious of both her appearance and achievements in life. The way others perceive her is very important because the way she perceives herself is often very negatively. Whilst her insecurity fuels her worse habits, it is also a one of the main reasons she tries her best to be a good person. This insecurity and need to overcome it will often lead her into more difficult situations, becoming overly defensive or worse. Whilst Nightingale is at least more seemingly confident and in control, deep down the same worries plague the Vigilante.

Passive: Thalia is non-confrontational to an extreme fault. When flight or fight kicks in she will almost always run away from a situation. This carries over into less extreme moments of her life too; failing to stick up for herself, people pleasing, resenting those more assertive and bottling up feelings in favour of ensuring others aren’t hurt. When Nightingale’s mask is on she finds a different strength within herself, one not hindered by the concern of what others may think. Whilst she will not be the first to run into the fray, and will always try to seek a more peaceful resolution, Nightingale isn’t afraid to defend herself. Her main focus is always keeping others safe and helping them, finding an offensive partner to work with only further benefits her fighting style.

Envious: Thalia is often resentful of those who have what she does not. Whether it’s a happy family unit, the attention of someone she is attracted to or the ability to be assertive or fight when the moment calls for it without the need to hide behind a mask... Whilst she often admires the good traits in others she also finds herself dwelling on them too, wishing she herself could hold them. Her insecurities are fed by her envious nature and the vicious cycle continues to battle on behind her pretty smile.

BIOGRAPHY: Thalia was born and raised in Newhaven’s more affluent district, attending only the finest schools in the area and leading a life that many would deem a dream. However paying for schools and keeping a roof over her head was where the generosity ended as neither her mother nor her father were the affectionate type. Between her overly critical, cold mother and harsh, calculating father her relationship with them is strained at best. Her parents were wealthy and successful enough to indulge in a number of different business ventures, leading to a network of connections across the city. Everyone who was anyone attended the Winsor Manor on more than one occasion, and Thalia couldn’t wait for the moment she was able to leave.

Her studio apartment, luxurious by most standards, is a far cry away from the white panelled manor back in Downtown Newhaven that she called home for most of her life. In truth she had never felt more right than the moment she took a job at BuzzNews and the keys to the tiny apartment, much to her parents disapproval. Working at the media company enabled her to pay for her studies without relying on her parents funding and the independence she’d earned made it all the more satisfying upon graduation. It was during her time as a student nurse that Thalia first tapped into her powers.

Whilst the patients she visited and helped tend to were recovering, she had no reason to suspect it was anything other than the medicine the doctors had prescribed. One morning she was carrying out the morning rounds, her first stop of the day was with an elderly gentlemen known well by the nurses and doctors alike in the ward. He was a terminal case, or so they thought. One gentle pat on the shoulder from Thalia as she moved to fluff his pillows and ask about his night’s sleep and his eyes lit up. He removed the breathing apparatus, much to her horror, and looked around the room as shocked and bewildered as she did. Despite the blaring alarms alerting the staff to the worst, the man was completely fine and healthy. The tests over the next 3 days confirmed the impossible. He was cured and on the mend.

Her studying was not hindered by the incident with many chalking it up to nothing short of a miracle she had the unfortunate luck to be witness to, and Thalia continued her work placement at Sacred Heart Hospital which eventually led to her job prospect following graduation. Thalia wasn’t satisfied by the explanation of others however, and began to experiment whenever possible. Her studies only enabled her to understand and use her powers more effectively, growing in confidence with every patient she helped.

Thalia’s first night as a Vigilante had been an unexpected one. She’d never meant to get caught up in a robbery at the local corner store and she’d certainly never set out to have her evening tainted by the robber opening fire on the innocent store clerk. The fact she ran towards the injured man surprised her greatly, but at least it was intentional. Thalia had been too busy consumed with thoughts of saving him to notice Spectrum’s arrival until after the blinding assortment of colours that announced it. Between him catching the robber turned gunman and her healing the store clerk, everything worked out fine. Instead of turning her in to the police and making her abilities known, Spectrum sent Thalia on her way home and out of trouble. From there their companionship started.

At first it was short visits from Spectrum requesting healing after a particularly bad fight, and then it was him asking if she’d mind tagging along just in case – with the promise he’d keep her protected – within a year she’d found a mask of her own to wear when going out alongside Spectrum. Never often enough to be called a hero, but enough times to be cited his sidekick. Thalia didn’t think she was worthy of being called even that, but Nightingale longed for recognition of her own. When Spectrum left she had a choice before her; to hang up the mask or to go at it alone. Thalia’s still uncertain as to whether or not she’s making the right one.

{{ VIGILANTE INFORMATION }}

VIGILANTE NAME: Nightingale

PRONOUNS: She / Her

APPEARANCE: Nightingales true identity is hidden beneath a slim and simple light blue Venetian mask, covering her eyes and nose but keeping the rest of her face on show. Her short blonde hair is usually swept backwards by the mask but almost always down. Her outfit consists of a light blue bodysuit deep v-neck top, with cold shoulder and waist cutouts, that finishes at the elbows. With a mid-thigh length, blue and white skirt to match. The white bird sigil rests over the left side of the chest and her hands are kept free so she can use her power without hindrance. Her white ankle boots are low heeled to make running around much easier for the vigilante. Exposed skin is a must for her, as her powers only work with direct contact. 

SIGIL: A white bird symbol with open wings with blue shadowing over top. Sketchy lines and blocky, clearly hand drawn.

COLOUR SCHEME: White, Grey, Light Blue, Blue. Hex Codes; #8890c0 #e3e5f5 #f8f8f8

FIGHTING STYLE: Nightingale works best when part of a team, focusing mainly on supporting the offensive partner and keeping them in top shape. When fighting alone she does so best up close and personal as her powers relying on her close proximity and ability to touch.

CLASS TYPE: Support

POWER: Healing Touch & Illness Inducement.

Thalia can heal most superficial wounds, both fresh and old, on others with a simple touch as well as illnesses & diseases over a prolonged time. Through touch the diagnosis of any damage or illness can be detected in others. Thalia also has the ability to absorb another’s pain and endure it so they do not have to.

She is able to heal broken bones, cure symptoms of poison or life threatening injuries if she is given enough time to do so. Her knowledge of healthcare and the human body greatly aids her abilities. She cannot selfheal in any capacity, any injury she sustains or illnesses she encounters are things she cannot cure for herself like she can for others.

Her illness inducement is much less controlled and also heavily relies on skin-to-skin contact like her healing ability. Whilst she can control when to harm instead of heal, and she can will the general status of the illness, she has varied control on how damaging this is. Thalia could mean to simply make someone feel nauseous and instead given them a stomach bug. This illness inducement can range from giving headaches or numbness to making someone impotent, violently ill or otherwise.

{{ STATS }}

Please delegate 9 points between the following three stats for your character. If the origin you’re applying for has a bonus or debuff on any of the below, adjust the total as required.

OBSCURITY: 4/5

CONTROL: 3/5

LUCK:  3/5

Please delegate 28 points between the following eight stats for your character. If the origin you’re applying for has a bonus or debuff on any of the below, adjust the total as required.

STRENGTH: 2/5

SPEED: 3/5

CHARISMA: 3/5

INTUITION: 4/5

AGILITY: 5/5

STAMINA: 3/5

INTELLIGENCE: 4/5

DURABILITY: 3/5

{{ EXTRAS }}

HEADCANONS:

Dancing Queen - Thalia has always been an avid fan of dancing, whether it be basic ballroom, jazz or something more contemporary. Since moving out from her parents estate she’s had the opportunity to sign up to various classes in her free time to expand her passion instead of sticking to the instructors they’ve approved. On the rare nights she goes out, it’s usually with the intention to find a fun place to go dancing and have fun, like Fuze.  

Sleeping Beauty - Working at a hospital & a life of crime fighting often leads to a wonky sleep schedule and Thalia always had a tendency to sleep until noon on her days off long before her time in scrubs. She’s a heavy sleeper naturally and often unhappy to be woken up for anything short of an emergency. If she’s not at work or at the dance studio, one can assume she’s either in a mask or sound asleep in bed.

Alcohol Intolerance – Thalia dislikes the smell of scotch and whiskey as it reminds her of her father and she’s just simply never enjoyed the taste of alcohol when partaking herself. Her aversion to drinking has only been bolstered by the fact she’s often drunk one glass in, and no one enjoys embarrassing themselves at the start of an evening. Nightingale has a history of reacting harsher to any criminal with alcohol on their breath, those are the ones she’ll target in a fight and leave worse off.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: N/A