#the sheer severity of the resulting mommy issues...

[levitatingbiscuits]

something so fucked up about shauna shipman is that she is still so obsessed with jackie taylor that she will recreate that toxic, one-sided jealousy and resentment with her own daughter. our introduction to shauna is a scene of her masturbating in callie's bed while staring at a picture of callie's boyfriend. the immediate parallels are unmistakable, because we also see her teen self fuck jeff later that episode. we both know that it was always more about taking something from jackie than any real love for jeff; now she's lusting after her daughter's underage boyfriend and secretly resenting callie in much the same way she secretly resented jackie and lusted after her boyfriend. she even mistook callie for jackie when she wore the same uniform a few episodes later.

as the first season progressed, we saw a lot of shauna's pretty chilling dislike of her own child. sure, callie's a little shit, but she's also a teen girl with deep-seated mommy issues. shauna is a woman in her 40s acting like the catty mean girl she never had the courage to be in high school. she talks shit about how much she doesn't like callie, she relishes in holding one over on her, she shows off the affair she's having with a hot younger man, she threatens callie's future, she manipulates her, and so on and so forth. she treats callie like she might have treated jackie, if the power dynamic were reversed.

and what's really heartbreaking is that callie, much like jackie, had no idea about this deep-seated jealousy and resentment. neither of them have the callousness nor the mean streak that shauna does. for jackie, shauna always mattered most; and we see how callie blooms under the attention and approval her mother gives her when she helps cover up her crimes in season two.

then shauna had the goat breakdown, and i realized that this is the closest thing to love she can give callie. she can't love her daughter the way she loved wilderness baby, can't open herself up to that kind of pain again. but she also can't help but love her child, so she recreated the only other comparable form of love she'd ever felt: her love for jackie, which is much more complicated and messy and cruel than a mother's love for her child.

[wolfpawn]

Life is a Game of Risks, Chapter 45

Chapter Summary - Tom notices something is off in Lily and goes into Daddy mode

TRIGGERS - Past domestic abuse, Past emotional abuse, Past sexual abuse.

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Tags: @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​​ @theoneanna​​

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Tom swallowed and thought over Alexianna's words. Every so often, he thought she was only placating him with the notion that he was assisting her to raise Lily but her words at that moment told him how much he mattered to their family, even if the context of how it came to happen was not a pleasant situation.

'What are we going to do for our little girl?’

*

If there was any doubt of Tom's ability as a father, it would be obliterated immediately after the chain of events that led to Alexianna asking that question as it was Tom that first noted the change in Lily's demeanour. He noted it for the first time after they returned to school after Easter. The Monday evening, she seemed unimpressed, the Tuesday her spark was quelled some bit, by Friday morning, she was quiet and seemed to have lost her joie de vivre. It was then Alexianna looked at her daughter worriedly but Tom had sensed it sooner. They tried to ascertain what it was but she said nothing. Her midterm had gone well, she spent time in the park and was even stolen by Diana and Emma for a few hours, so they thought for a moment that it was that school was not as fun as that, but that would only explain her lack of liking for school, Tom had noticed that the little girl that loved to draw her pictures and sing and dance in her home was replaced by a child who sat still and just seemed lost.

Tom was due in a meeting and was not supposed to be part of the school run that day but with her current behaviour, he sent a message to those involved and decided to assist Alexianna with the run.

Usually Lily would be ecstatic to have both drop her to school but that day, she seemed on the verge of tears. When they got to the front gate, she gave her mother and hug and then gave one to Tom. Against his shoulder, she seemed to stifle a sniffle. Normally, when Lily would act in such a manner, it was simply juvenile complaining but he felt this was different. 'What's going on, Princess?’

'Please Daddy, please let me go home.’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Shawn is here.’ She pointed to a little boy nearby.

Tom looked at the boy in question. He was screaming and hitting his mother. 'What about him?’

'He hits everyone and screams, it is really horrible.’

'What does your teacher say?’

'To not be mean to him, he is just new but it's not fair because he is mean to all of us and all he is told is that it's okay.’

Tom clenched his jaw at the idea of his little girl feeling as though there was an inequality in her class. 'When did this start?’

'He started on Monday and he is not nice.’

'Well, do you want us to speak with Miss about it?’ Alexianna asked, having heard most of what her daughter said. Lily nodded silently causing Tom and Alexianna to straighten up and walk to the front door of the school where the teacher was waiting. 'Hi, can we speak to you for a moment?’ Alexianna smiled politely.

'I'm sorry, I really need to help one of the other students.’ She apologised before looking behind them and rushing to help the struggling mother ship her son into the school.

Lily stood in against Tom as he went by, grabbing him tightly. Tom instinctively wrapped his arm around his little Princess to show her he was there for her, that he would protect her.

The teacher said nothing to them as she went in, placating Shawn as she did so, the boy only lashing out more as she and another teacher took him from his mother who walked off and had her phone in her hand laughing as soon as she was through the gate, not even an apology for knocking into Alexianna as she did so.

The pair looked at the woman before looking at one another then down at Lily. Alexianna knelt in front of her daughter. 'Lily, you have as much right as any to be in school and no one has the right to make you feel like you cannot be happy in school. You like your school and you love being happy, don't let anyone take that from you, and if someone hits you once, tell a teacher, if they hit you twice…’

'Hit them harder.’ Lily beamed.

For a moment, Alexianna had contemplated correcting her daughter before she nodded. 'You have the right to defend yourself.’ She stated. Tom looked at her. 'You are no one's punching bag and so long as you tried telling an adult and if it persists, you Lily Diana Hughes, have consent from me to defend yourself however you feel necessary. Do you hear me?’

'Yes, mommy.’ She looked at Tom who nodded in agreement. 'Daddy?’

‘Yes, Princess?’

'You need to go.’

‘I’ll go when you're in school.’ He smiled.

'You need to stop upsetting Luke.'

Tom frowned. 'What…?’

'You're always late and it upsets Luke, so stop talking and go. I love you.’

'We love you too, now in you get.’ Tom urged.

With her demeanour a little brighter once more, Lily went in the door. It was at that moment the teacher came out looking frustrated. 'Lily, go to class now, you are going to be tardy and that is not nice for everyone else to disrupt them, go.’ Immediately, the brightness sunk again and Alexianna and Tom knew it. They watched angered and saddened as the teacher rolled her eyes and ushered Lily in briskly.

Tom brought her away from the school door. 'I think there needs to be a meeting with the teacher.’ He stated.

'If not the headmaster.’ Alexianna added.

*

As it stood, Alexianna didn't need to make a call to anyone at the school, the call was made to her. Nothing much was said, only that if she was available for a meeting at nine am the following Tuesday, to be there, that there was an issue with Lily. It took rearranging bit she was able to get the morning off work.

Tom learnt of an issue when he turned up to the school to see the teacher looking at him unimpressed with a statement that the school had been in touch with “the child's mother” and that was it. He took Lily and said no more to the teacher before bringing her to the car. 'Lil's, tell me what happened, Princess.’ Lily's facade broke. The tears started and she cried. Tom knelt down and held her to him. He cuddled her and kissed her forehead. 'Lil's, talk to me, tell Daddy everything.’

'Shawn was mean to me and I told him to leave me alone and he wouldn't and I told him I was going to tell Miss and then he hit me and I went to tell her and he pulled my hair and it really hurt Daddy, he even broke my hair tie, and I started to cry and he hitted me again and kicked me and I remembered what Mommy said so I hit him back and he told the teacher and I got in trouble and I told her he did it to me first and showed her my leg and my hair and she said that I was wrong to hit him and I said Mommy said I was allowed protect me and she got angry.’ Lily sobbed.

Tom felt his heart broke, the way Lily grabbed onto him, the way she held herself into him and the sheer anguish in her voice crippled him. It was all he could do for several minutes to hold onto her and console her as his anger grew. 'It's okay Princess, Mommy and I will deal with this, I promise. You did nothing wrong and we are not going to punish you for it.’

'Promise?’

'Lily, defending yourself is never a bad thing. You have every right to do so.’

'Do you do it?’

'I did it, with us and the mean lady, the one that said I could not be your Daddy, remember?’

'Did you hit her?’

'No, I didn't hit her, but she did not hit me either, she just said bad things. There's a difference. You cannot hit a person unless they have or they are going to hit you.’

*

Alexianna listened to what her daughter told her of the day. It took several deep breaths for her to calm after everything, especially seeing the dark bruising on her daughter's leg as a result of everything. She too told her daughter not to fret, that she was not in trouble, that she was proud of her and that she was so loved and that would never change.

For the first time that week, Lily went to bed somewhat happy. She knew her parents were on her side and their love and affection allowed her to feel it could be fixed. Down in the living area, however, Alexianna's question resonated with Tom; one because she was genuinely seeking his opinion and two because of how she asked.