#the sequel had potential then it just diden't

[technicallymaximumkitty]

me: what is fundamentally wrong about the hunchback of Notre Dame 2 is giving Quasimodo a girlfriend. the basis of any romantic relationship is mutual love not just for your partner but for yourself as well, you can't really love someone without loving yourself first and honestly that's something Quasimodo still struggles with even after the time skip the sequel gives us because the cruel abuse frollo put him through is still there, he still struggles to see himself as human and not a monster, I like the idea of teaching Quasimodo about love and all it's kinds (familial, platonic, romantic ect) espically since he's been starved of it his entire life, but the sequel clearly cut every corner to shove a girl into the equation and in this essay I will- also me (a raging hypocrite): I think Quasimodo, Esmerelda, and Phoebus should all hold hands together :)

[yippeecheapdvds]

On Friday I suffered throh "Ralph Breaks the Internet" (2018) Sic-Fi/Adventure

God I hated this. I knew i was going to hate it. I didn't want to watch it, but my friend wanted to do a double feature where we watched the original movie and it's sequel so she dragged me down with her 😭I tried to open my mind to the possibility that it could be at least ok, and it started out mid, but the longer it went on the worse and worse it got and the more I hated it. I did have some fun tearing it apart with my friend but it still hurt to watch and for most of the movie i was audibly groaning to drown out the cringe dialogue or gripping my head and screaming "NOOOOOO"

Shit I liked:

The squareheaded Mr Litwack. it was cute. also seeing his office.

Learning that the arcade is located in Sothern California

the green pop up ad guy and Knowsmore.

The little part where Ralph went to the old internet, and it had signs like "y2k" and "dial up" covered in dust.

The way the player characters moved in Slaughter Race

the chase sequence in Slaughter race. made me think for a second that I could actually like this movie.

Uhhhhh yah that's it

Shit i have mixed feelings about:

Felix and Calhoon were barely in the movie. Turbo wasn't in it at all. Sad that I didn't get much/any of my favorite characters but good thing they were barely/not here so the movie didn't have much/any time to ruin them.

The giant ralph monster was creepy as hell which like, good job on that but conceptually I hated it.

Shit i fucking hated, sorted by how mad it made me:

The way they made the internet super squeaky clean, only full of cat videos. like i know why they did it but it comes off as super fake.

The insults ralph was reading were all super lame.

Ralph going viral was stupid as shit

the pancake bunny. vile.

The friendship break up was stupid as shit. Ralph was hella dumb and acted like a kid i hated it.

the way they desaturated the colors in sugar rush to make it seem boring and less appealing. i saw that. fuck you.

most of the dialogue was hella cringe and hurt to listen to.

ralph game jumping in the middle of the day to make Vanelope that track. couldn't you have just waited untill after hours???????? fucking idiot.

the fucking missed potential??? we could have had a movie where they like visit internet games and feel like arcades are fading in relevancy, or had them meet versions of themselves from like emulators or other arcades or something; like seeing a Ralph that did go turbo, a Turbo that diden't, a Vanelope who never had trauma. it really felt like whoever wrote this movie didn't care about the original film and just picked out a stock kid's movie conflict that spat in the face of the original move's themes and meseging.

the oh my disney section, and the princesses. just all of it. easily one of the most painfull parts of the whole movie.

The way Ralph acted the entire godam movie. they completely threw out his characterization and character development in the last movie and had him acting like a creepy tween. WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM SO STUPID???

the idea that Vanellope 'belongs in slaughter race' is a travesty for multiple reasons one of wich being that SHE'S 9 and that game is almost certainly teen and up.

The WAY VAN ACTED OH MY GOD GIRL she spent the entire last movie trying to belong in sugar rush and then she just got bored and threw it all away???? why???? WHY DID THEY MAKE HER GO TURBO I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

The fucking ending.

Congratulations RBTI, you managed to achieve the extremely rare rating of 2/10 and become the second worst movie I've ever seen. Don't see this. forget it exists.