#the semester has barely past the 4th week and i'm struggling

[ningtual]

also sorry for not being very active during the day i'm lit swamped with uni work and labor work

[acidiluc]

sinoatrial node

synopsis: (kuroo x reader) where you, a medical student, together with kuroo experience the struggle of balancing your priorities. angst to fluff. 2122 words.

note: this is my first time writing a fic, so please do tell what you think! i keep getting random plot ideas so thought... why not try to write them? teehee

"the tricuspid valve regulates blood flow between the right atrium and the... right ventricle."

you mumbled to yourself as you read your medical textbook out loud; trying to cram every information you see in your somnolent worn out brain. you reached for your phone once you felt it vibrate — probably signaling a message from your loving boyfriend, kuroo tetsurou. 

you immediately smiled at the sight of his name in your notifs,

'hey baby :)' 'is there any teeny tiny bit chance i could snatch you from your humble abode just for a few hours and mayhaps bring u to hang out at bo's? :('

you sighed before typing a reply,

'tetsu, you already know my answer...' 'i'm sorry, t. but i have my finals coming uppp :(('

you two started dating not long ago. tetsurou was your best friend, and is still your bestfriend, before you two even started dating — meaning you were there when girls were pining over your now so called boyfriend which was something you used to laugh at, seeing how kuroo awkwardly handles situations whenever a girl tries to get closer with him. you were there to always support him with his ideals and dreams, and he was too. the two of you were just like another version of each other which made you perfect for each other

you bit your lip and laid back on your chair after sending the message, staring up at the ceiling. this... may have been the 3rd or 4th time you rejected tetsurou for the past week and a half. you sure did miss going out with your boyfriend but uni has been hindering you from doing so. you two barely saw and talked to each other during the past week since you were so focused on studying — not really wanting to see a failing grade by the end of the semester.

you sighed again and sat up straight, ready to consume information from the medical textbook you're cursing now for giving you a hard time once again, but a knock has interrupted you before you could even start. “coming!” you announced as you marked your book before standing up to get the door, not really expecting your spike-haired boyfriend to be standing on the other side of it. 

"i'm not taking a no as an answer anymore, y/n." tetsurou smirked, waving his phone that showed your conversation before leaning forward, placing a longing kiss on your forehead as he wrapped his arms around you. "god, i missed you." he mumbles, keeping you in his arms a little longer.

you smiled softly and immediately wrapped your arms around him as well, sighing. "i know... i missed you too, t" you muttered, inhaling his scent before pulling away to pull your boyfriend in and shut the door.

"but tetsu, i know i have rejected to go out many times now but i... really can't go out yet. i still have papers due tomorrow and lots of lessons to cover for the finals." you explained as you faced your boyfriend, rubbing your eye.

kuroo scoffed lightly and took a step closer to you, "babe, c'mon. can't you really spend time out with me? even just for an hour? i'll help you with those papers, c'mon." he said, trying to convince you while he reached for your hands to hold with a growing smile on his face.

you looked up at him and lazily smiled, eyes scanning through his handsome face features. "i know you'll say that... but no. baby, i need to do this on my own. you can’t just always help me with my papers. it's for my own good." you said, looking up at his eyes with sorry eyes. "i promise— i promise i'll make it up to you soon, mkay?"

"fine fine but look... how about i just stay here? i can help you study an-and maybe we could—" before he could even finish his sentence, you were already shaking your head. you loved your boyfriend but you have other priorities too, just like him.

kuroo groaned and let go of your hands, plopping down onto the couch behind him. "alisa would've made time to go out with me." he muttered, scoffing as he looked away from you, tired of you rejecting him repeatedly.

silence took over the room as you processed what you just heard come out of your boyfriend's lips with your mouth agape. it was quite inconceivable that kuroo would scoff at you and say that statement but... he did.

you suddenly felt rage rise within you, all that suppressed stress and tension slowly radiating off of you, but you were careful enough to prevent from breaking down in front of your best friend, "well i'm sorry to disappoint you but i'm not her, tetsurou." you said sternly, "i said that i'll make it up to you, wasn't that enough?" you asked. kuroo was quick to pick up the change of atmosphere and decided to just be honest with you.

"y/n, i've always made time when it comes to you. you are always and always will be a priority to me! how come you can't do the same?" kuroo said, his voice slightly getting louder, clearly tired of you turning him down every time, but he hasn’t thought of what he just said to you. in fact, tetsurou is just as stressed as you are today.

"and you think you aren't a priority to me?!" you asked, "i've always understood how you can't hang out with me whenever you're unavailable during our supposed free time together because of your sport, tetsu. your volleyball practices lasts for weeks! yet i've always understood and supported you, so how come you can't do the same?!'" you exclaimed, "and how bold of you to compare me to your ex!"

you looked at him with a hard stare before turning your back on him, stomping off to your study desk. you plopped down to your chair and sighed heavily through your nose, closing your eyes for a few seconds before reopening them. "...i want to be alone..." you muttered, feeling as if the world has come crashing down on you. “i know i’m being immature right now but let’s just talk this out another time before things get worse.” you said, gathering your highlighters and textbook once again, knowing your emotions are on edge right at the moment.

kuroo just sat there and watched you as he chewed on his lip, fiddling with his own fingers. he knew you were right. he was on edge too. tetsurou stood up and walked towards the door, shutting the door with a small thud, leaving without a word.

once you heard the door shut, you looked back to see tetsurou gone, and only then you started overthinking again. you tilted your head and stared at your study timer that read 7:06pm before letting your negative thoughts run freely in your mind.

tetsurou mentioned his ex. tetsurou left without a word (which he never did before). you two barely see and talk to each other. is he getting tired of you? does he want to break up with you? 

‘the right ventricle receives blood from the right atriu—’ your eyes started to get blurry before you could even finish reading the sentence and your lips started to quiver before finally breaking down on your desk. life’s a little hard on you right now and you swore to focus on your academics this week. but how can you focus when kuroo and your relationship is all you have in mind right now? 

you sobbed softly and rested your head on your arm on your desk, letting the stress out of your system. kuroo is your everything and it surely will hurt a lot if you two come to a break up. you stayed like that for a few minutes, not realizing that you were slowly falling asleep on your desk. 

books have been marked and have been neatly stacked to the side, highlighters and pens are now back to their respective organizers, study timer on top of the said books (12:04am), and laptop is nowhere to be seen.

you slowly gained consciousness as you caught a whiff of an appetizing aroma. you groaned while you sat up, feeling the massive back pain for falling asleep on your desk like that. you tilted your head to check the time but you saw that your study timer isn’t where it’s supposed to be. “huh?” you looked around your desk and noticed that it has been organized.

“i cooked you some ramen. you should eat.” 

you immediately turned as you heard the voice of the man who never fails to make your heart flutter together with the faint sounds of the keyboard keys of your laptop being pressed on. you saw your boyfriend as you turned, sitting on the mini dining table you have in your apartment, aggressively typing on your laptop. 

you felt... thankful and relieved to see him. though you weren’t sure about how kuroo feels about you yet. you stood up and warily walked past your boyfriend and to the kitchen, gathering ramen in two bowls. 

“what time did you come back?” you softly asked, placing the two bowls down onto the dining table before sitting next to him, pushing tetsurou his serving gently. “probably around... 7:30?” he replied while you hummed in response. you started slurping on your ramen, avoiding to look at tetsurou while your boyfriend on the other hand has stopped typing and started eating his noodles as well, glancing at you from time to time. 

“i... didn’t mean what i said, y/n.” he mumbles as he decided to be the one to break the silence and the awkward tension, playing around with his noodles. “i know it’s bullshit to just say sorry about what i said but... i really didn’t mean it. it’s just i—” tetsurou sighs heavily through his nose and lets go of his chopsticks before looking up at you and you looked back at him with noodles still hanging from your mouth. 

tetsurou stared at you for a few seconds before smiling at the stupidly cute sight and looked away, “i— fuck, where was i?”

you started giggling and tetsurou looked back up to you with a bit of confusion. you gave yourself a little time to chew and swallow before talking. “i hate you, you know that?” you said, smirking up at him and kuroo smiled. “i know you didn’t mean what you said, tetsu but i meant what i said.” you said, turning to face him. “i didn’t like how you reacted earlier and definitely didn’t like the words you decided to say, but... i do admit that i was at fault too but that was only because i only wanted to focus on my academics first which i hoped you will understand.” 

“i know, i know.” he sighed, “i realized that you were right and that it was selfish of me to act like that. i just— i really miss you already. my days haven’t been the best too and i just really wanted to be with you since you’re my home, you know?” he muttered. “and i... i didn’t mean to compare you to alisa. i don’t know why i said that and i’m just so frustrated with myself right now.” 

“you’re a dumbass” you smirked, 

kuroo looked up at you again and smirked, “well, this dumbass finished your paper already.” he said, moving the laptop closer to you for you to see 8 pages worth of paperwork. you gasped softly and scrolled through the pages, “you said you’ll only help me, not do the entire paper!” you exclaimed which made kuroo laugh lightly.

“you’re welcome.” he said before slurping on his noodles. you turned to him and smiled softly, “i still need to study tomorrow.” you said and sighed, kuroo nodded and was about to say something but you beat him to it.

“should we go on a cafe date tomorrow and study together?” you proposed, inching closer to tetsurou with a big smile. tetsurou turned to you with sparkles in his eyes, “of fucking course!” he exclaimed in excitement and pulled you to a hug, moving you to his lap which made you laugh softly. you stayed like that for a little while as you played with your boyfriend’s hair.

“you’re responsible for controlling my sinoatrial node, y/n.” kuroo mutters, kissing the top of your head. 

“...and what’s a sinoatrial node?” you smirked.

“the impulse responsible for controlling the heart’s rhythm... and you’re doing a horrible job at handling my sa node.”

“huh? why is that?” 

“you make my heart go crazy.”

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[mycheriejubilee-blog]

10:12 PM | May. 6 | 2019 | I am back!!

I don't think any of you missed me but... if any of you did, I am here so you don't have to think about when I'm coming back anymore!! A lot has happened while I was on hiatus.

So school-wise I did quite a bit. The week after I went on hiatus I had state testing. So, I completed 5 tests in 3 days. It wasn't very hard, but I really need to get better in science. I basically just skimmed through science in the 1st semester so I didn't really remember anything I learned. Plus, they brought up topics from 1-2 years ago. I was really struggling in my 1st and 2nd years of online school. So I barely focused and just rushed to get it done.

Other than that, the other tests were fine. I saw a cute boy with curly hair. It seems like 90% of guys with curly hair are cute. But he was probably like 17 or 18 so it would be pretty much illegal if we were together and all that. Very unfortunate. T-T

There was also this boy in like 5th or 6th grade that had a full on cowboy outfit... like that's cool but we were testing, so I didn't really understand why he was dressed like that. He had like a fedora hat too. But,,,,, I shouldn't judge people like that so just forget what I said about him. His outfit was nice.

OKAY BUT. Really good news! I'm going to public school after summer break!! I'm... actually going to see and interact with people!! Physically!! I have felt so lonely these past few years. Everyone says high school is terrible, even my dad said it was the worst of the worst. Is that true? I feel like it's true but I also don't want to assume everyone is annoying and stupid.

I had a choice to decide to go or stay in online school. I was mixed between feeling deep fear that everyone would judge me or something bad would happen to me and feeling excitement because I might actually find friends there...? I had only a few days to decide. But, of course I said yes to going to public school. I truly want to see what it's like. It's only been 3 years but it feels like it was an eternity of being alone. So much has happened... and I've changed so much.

So my mom enrolled me in the high school. I get to see the campus and get a tour on Thursday this week!! That's why I wanted to come back. I wanted to start posting before I went.

I also completed tests and an essay while I was gone. Currently, I actually need to do this essay. I haven't even begun to do it yet. I hate when I procrastinate. It's not even hard, I just would rather not do it! But other than that, I'm caught up. I can't fall behind at the end of the year.

Now starting from now, I'm not going to talk about anything related to school.

So, I got to play with the boy. It was actually really fun and still his voice makes me weak,,,. Like- I was waiting for him to get back online and suddenly he talked into the mic and his voice was like so much deeper I just-. It's such a blessing to hear his voice I'm not joking. T-T

ANYWAYS. I am finally caught up on the bnha manga! I wanted to catch up for weeks but I just didn't do it. Plus, it would kind of be useful for my story. I can't believe the 4th season still hasn't come out and there's this much going on in the manga!!

So, I have watched some animes. I am on the last episode of the 2nd season of Bungou Stray Dogs. It's so good!! Just a few more episodes then I will be all caught up on the anime. Then I'll have to wait a week for the next episode like everyone else. I also want to read the manga too.

So, we're actually almost done with Naruto, then we should be watching the Shippuden. I finished season 2 of free! And I am currently on season 3. I haven't gotten to it because... of school stuff. I watched like 5 minutes of Noragami. But I know I'll watch it once I finish free! I also need to start watching Demon Slayer. Thankfully, the anime just started so it won't be much to watch.

I started another anime,,, I told myself I wouldn't watch more than 1 anime at a time but,,, I lied to myself. It's called Servamp. I was searching up... stuff for my writing and I found it and watched the 1st episode. It's decent so far.

Speaking of writing, I really did get a lot of inspiration for my story from the manga and some songs too. AND! I was right! I estimated Tomura's age to be around 20 and it's canon that he's 20 currently!!

[ This paragraph below has spoilers for the bnha manga, don't read if you haven't caught up completely on the manga, or read Tomura's origin! ]

It also seems that the theorists were right about him killing his family as a child. Unless AFO messed with his mind and he actually killed them, y'all were right. I really feel like I understand him more as a character than ever!

I also came up with some more OCs and quirks they could possibly have. I have no intention of sharing my story but... if it turns out decent maybe I will.

I'm playing mystic messenger. I'm on Saeyoung's route!! There's so much drama! It's so good! And he was kind of mean at first but now he's really sweet and cute! I mean he was always cute but y'know. What happened with his family is so sad. :(( Thanks Cheritz! We don't deserve y'all!! Not being sarcastic either!!

Not last yet, but so far I have done a water change for my goldfish! They're doing really well right now. :)

Lastly,,, I have come up with a plan to better myself before public school. I intended on doing it "later" but it seems that I should geniunely start my plan now. I've had this in mind for months. Now is the time! It's really late for me now though. I'll post my plan later this week! But it should be before Thursday! There's no guarantee though.

If you read all of this, thank you! I had a lot to say since so much happened.

~ Valentina ✨🕊