#the scene in the script is a little bit longer and slightly in a different order

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

theres this moment in potd when theyre in the tardis and yaz is keeping a gun on the master and the tardis lights up with the message from that traitor dalek, right? and the master is like on the plane when the doctor realised there was no pilot being all "messages from daleks?? oh no what could that mean?? the doctor getting coordinates from daleks?? oh no yaz thats so worrying" but like he obviously knows whats going on right hes just trying to get under yazs skin

and theres this moment where he says that and yaz looks at him, and looks at the gun in her hands still aimed at him, and then back at him, and like shes not stupid right she knows hes up to Something it's just not entirely clear yet exactly How hes up to something and what this dalek thing has to do with it but she trusts the doctor right so shes like "im sure theres a good reason" even though shes Clearly Having Doubts and the master says "lets hope so"

i dont really have a point i just hadnt really idk Registered this moment where she looks at that gun like

is this what he wants? am i doing what he wants? how could this possibly be what he wants?

like idk, the doubt is fun. the way the last line before this moment is "im in your head dear" and like the master didnt GET anywhere with this, right? like he wasnt gonna make yaz shake at all she was never gonna like,,,,,defect or anything. he doesnt get anywhere with this, but it does make yaz force the doctor to tell her What The Fuck Shes Doing in the next scene

it might have been interesting to see in the next scene what it might have taken for yaz to stop the doctor from going to see that dalek. like clearly shes loyal enough, or trusts the doctor's judgement more than her own so much, that if the doctor says "it's a risk i have to take" that thats enough to make yaz follow

but what if yaz had been like no i think something is actually wrong here in a way we dont understand yet and if we act now we're gonna make mistakes bc we're Missing Stuff. bc like yaz at this point is pretty fucking familiar with trying to do stuff while Missing Necessary Information, right? what if she'd been like we have a time machine, we can afford to take 5 minutes to figure out what is actually going on here before just walking into something we both know is a fucking trap

[ittosthicknjuicyazz]

Jealousy and pining. If the HSR men were quietly pining for the reader, how would they handle any sudden jealousy of someone else who is seemingly or even intentionally trying to get closer to the reader in a romantic way? Is there any confrontation? Sabotage? Or does this perceived “threat” encourage them to act on their growing affection for the reader? Or maybe they take a different approach all together, idk- lots of possibilities lol.

a/n: I fw this one. question is, how do i go about it 😟??

disclaimer: ooc blade prolly, violence, death, SA, you wear revealing clothing, not proof read. I'm sorry if this isn't what you imagined, I'm still fairly new to this. Also since I wrote so much for blade he's going to be the only one I write for IM SORRYYYYY 😭 maybe i'll write a part two with a different character.

someone's a wittle bit jealous

Blade

It took him a little while to get used your presence after you joined the Stellaron Hunters. And it took him a little while after that to fall in love with you. And since then, every day he'd find himself falling deeper and deeper in love with you.

Blade looked over at you, his brows slightly furrowed, "you don't have to do this." You looked back at Blade, raising an eyebrow, "uhh, yes I do. It's in the script Blade." He only nodded in refusal, "this is too much, even for you."

You rolled your eyes and rolled the long glove over your arm. Tonight, you wore your sexiest outfit that showed 70% of skin with long gloves. "Think of the mission, Blade. I know you might be jealous and all that, but you gotta put that aside think about what we need to do."

Him? Jealous? "Don't be ridiculous. what would I be jealous for?"

You only laughed in response, "i was only teasing," you looked at the time, "well, i gotta go. You be ready when I need you, yeah?" You smiled and blew him a kiss before turning around and leaving the shared hotel room.

Of course, that kiss did nothing to him. Why would it?

20 minutes passed and he's at the designated club. Immediately his eyes seek for you. He takes a few more steps into the club before he saw you. You sat on another mans lap, an arm wrapped around the back of his neck, your finger lightly tracing random shapes on his chest. You smiled, and giggled, and looked at him as if he was only man in the room.

Of course, Blade felt nothing as he watched the scene unfold. Why would he? This is for the mission. But even he had to admit, your acting was very extremely believable. And maybe it did make him feel...something.

For a split second, the two of you catch each other's gaze. And for that moment, your acting slipped. You no longer had that seductive stare, your expression now unreadable. You squinted and nodded your head just when the man under you diverted his gaze else where.

Blade took the hint, nodding his head in return. The rest of the mission went off without a hitch. Blade managed to make it to the electrical area, shut off the power all over the building, giving you enough time to jab the knife into the mans chest and leave the club before Blade turned the power back on.

Now back at the hotel, you're shivering and rubbing your hands over your arms. "You cold?" Blade wondered. You nodded, "no no, it's just. God, the feeling of that mans hands all over me, it's making me shiver in disgust." You cringe once more, your whole body shivering with intensity as though you were truly cold.

Wait, his hands were all over you? "What do you mean his hands were all over you?" Blade demanded. You shrugged, "Well, he...when you left his hands began to wander and he...groped me. I know that it was part of the plan to seduce him, but it seriously made me feel disgusted...and dirty."

Now Blade felt something. And the feeling spread all over his body. Not only did you have his hands all over that man, but that man was touching you in areas that Blade could only look at. And it made you feel disgusting. If Blade could go back, he would have killed that man himself.

"...disgusting." Blade mumbled, that word being the only thing you heard. And for a moment you thought he was talking about you, "e-excuse me?"

"That man is disgusting," Blade mumbled just a bit louder. He makes his way to you, "Go change." You stare up at him, his body oh-so close yours.

Unknowingly, your heart began to beat just a bit faster, though your shivering died down. It was almost like Blade close proximity warmed you up.

You nod, turning to grab some clothes from your bag and walking to the bathroom. You walk out with a warm set of pjs.

You're met with almost an entirely different room. The two twin sized beds now pushed together with multiple blankets layered on top of each other, not to mention a shirtless Blade on one side of the bed with a remote in his hand, switching between channels on the tv mounted on the wall. Next to him on the bed was a small pile of snacks, somehow all of them being your favorite.

"I was gone for like 5 minutes, how did you manage to do all of this within five minutes?" you questioned. "Sit," Blade responded. You were sat.

You threw the covers over your legs, making sure to set the pile of snacks over the blanket. You had to admit, this was extremely weird and extremely out of character for Blade. But were you complaining? Of course not. You have a shirtless Blade sitting next to you in the same bed. In your book, this is like heaven. And god, were you gonna brag when you got back to base.

"Why are you doing this?" you asked him. "Just relax," Blade responded, putting on a movie he thought would be interesting to you. And it was. You found yourself being relaxed in Blade's presence as you snacked and watched the movie.

And eventually you fell asleep. Blade notices and sighs, pulling your body downward to get your head more situated on the pillows, fluffing them. He then covered your body with the blanket, moving the opened and unopened snacked onto the nightstand. He turned off the TV and got comfortable on his side of the bed, not getting too close to your body. He didn't want you to be uncomfortable, especially after tonights encounter.

Later, you found yourself waking up. It was still dark, but you felt a pressure on the side of your body and over your stomach. You looked over to see Blade snuggled into your side with his large arm over your stomach. You stared in shock, there's no way this is actually happening, right? You and Blade snuggling in the same bed? you've got to be dreaming.

Just when you were going to attempt to move Blade over, not wanting the morning to be awkward, Blade tightened his grip on you. You slightly shivered as he breathed into your neck. No, this was definitely real.

"Never...." he mumbled. You almost coed out loud, Blade sleep talking was absolutely adorable to you. It reminded you that Blade was the same as everybody else, he wasn't devoid of all human emotion, he wasn't a machine. He was a living being just like you were. "Never again..." he mumbled once more.

You sighed and decided to leave it be. If it was going to be awkward in the morning, then so be it. You turned to embrace him, your fingers running through the shorter and longer layers of his hair.

[sky-is-the-limit]

"Mine."

Bi!Reader x Abby Anderson

Summary: Your friend, Abby, has issues with who you decided to share your first queer experience with and she decides to take matters into her own hands.

CW: Afab!Reader, Porn with little plot, NFSW content, Oral sex (receiving), Suggestive language.

Song recommendation: Slow Down - Chase Atlantic

WC: 3,223 words.

''Abby, stop! Can't you walk a little slower?!'' Short of breath, you gathered whatever energy was left in you, after what was probably the most embarrassing moment you had to endure so far in your lifetime, trying to catch up with Abby's long strides down the cold corridor.

One thing for sure, she was purposely making it a challenge for you to keep up with her.

''With Nora? Seriously Y/N?!'' Finally, she turned slightly the side of her face around for a second, her piercing blue eyes now a shade darker as she shot you a look of disbelief at that, letting out a dry laugh before shaking her head, scoffing.

Unbeknownst to you, your fate was sealed the moment you decided to be brave enough to experience something your soul had been longing for since you were old enough to understand what romance was and why it only seemed to be limited between a man and a woman.

It wasn't meant to happen. Neither you kissing Nora after her blatant advances in the gym's locker room nor Abby walking in as though your life was a badly written comedy and the entire scene was scripted perfectly to humiliate you.

''I'll explain if you stop running away from me!" Your heart pounded in it’s cage, rattling the bars that were your ribs as her pace was only rapidly increasing with each second, her soaked in sweat sleeveless tee stuck on her like a second skin.

''No need. What I walked in on was pretty self-explanatory.'' Her tone was more bitter than expected, a hint of jealousy behind every word she so acerbically punctuated at you.

Your initial thought, that her anger was due to you hiding such a significant part of your identity from her, vanished entirely. It was abnormal, how a person so close to you who happened to be so openly comfortable with her sexuality, was treating you in such manner.

The last two years allowed to you get to know a woman so kind and gentle in contrast of her intimidating physique, who immediately welcomed you and only gave you unconditional support and care in return of your friendship. It scared you that your intuition was screaming that there was more to this than she led on.

''I didn't mean for you to find out this way, I was-'' Your attempt to explain was cut short as she finally stopped outside her room, leading you to bump your front into her defined back, your fingertips lingering a bit longer on her shoulder blades.

''I just don't fucking get it.'' It wasn't frequent for Abby to behave so irritably, her milky freckled skin reddening with frustration, losing her calm composure for something that could easily be solved, if she would just let you explain.

Her fingers shuffled with her keys, agitatedly trying to find the right one so she can unlock the door. Every passing second was driving the both of you to insanity, for different reasons.

''That I happen to also like women? A bit rich coming from you, Abs.'' This was getting ridiculous and you made sure the tone of your voice conveyed that, spitting out every word with sarcasm and intent.

She finally unlocked the door, pushing it with such force that it guarantied to leave spots on the white wall of her bedroom before eventually turning her body around to face you.

''That you like her.'' Abby's tone dripped with scorn as she responded to your remark, her words carrying an edge sharper than a knife. Her eyes narrowed, a vertical wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows, lips pursed slightly with her arms crossed over her chest.

Her eyes seemed to pull you in, a gravitational force that you couldn’t resist and so unable to maintain eye contact, you drifted your gaze to the floor.

''It's not that, I- fucking hell.'' The words tumbled out of your mouth in a fast-paced torrent, echoing the racing thoughts within your mind.

Seeing that you weren’t going to get her to spit out the truth and leave her stubbornness aside, you sighed deeply, tugging her arm, beckoning her to follow you into her room without waiting for an invitation.

''I just wanted to.. I don't know, confirm my suspicions. That I might like women too and Nora.. was just there." You admitted, closing the door behind you. Her brows knitted together in a mixture of confusion and curiosity

''You never told me about.. your 'suspicions'.''  Abby frowned, tilting her head clearly awaiting for you to say more.

''I wanted to make sure first, you know.'' You watched her eyes study you for what seemed like an eternity. It raged through your veins, a wildfire you were ill-equipped to temper, let alone control. 

''And?'' She muttered, her breath almost visibly lodged in her throat. You couldn't help but tore your eyes from hers, feeling your face heat up considerably.

''And my suspicions were correct, I guess.'' You mumbled, cheeks hot under her scrutiny. Abby's response to that was expressed under her breath, almost unintelligible but definitely annoyed.

''Stop with the fucking mumbling, Abby! If you have something to say to me then just say it.'' You finally snapped, every fiber of your being screaming with frustration.

''And it had to be her? You barely even know her, Y/N!'' She was seething now, eyes narrowed in a vicious glare as she slowly edged dangerously closer to your form. Her tone, like a bass drum, resonated in your chest, leaving you with a strange fluttering sensation.

''I don't understand why it's such a big fucking deal to you, Abs!'' At this, you glowered, craning slightly to get in her face before snarling,

''It was merely just a kiss! But yeah, don't worry, when I decide to finally have sex with a woman, I'll make sure to ask of your approval first.'' You huffed, chuckling at her audacity. The words came as a snarl, low and menacing with a knot tightened in your throat, fighting to hold in the urge to ask of her transparent jealousy.

''I just think you should've had your first with someone you know, someone you trust.'' And finally she, too, seemed to realize she had gone too far with this. She hesitated at the fire in your eyes, her expression softening a fraction as she mumbled the words.

''Yeah because there's a bunch of women in my life, waiting for me to say the word.'' A second, two, three passed without any motion or words exchanged. No response from her as the air grew thick with tension. The question hanged in the air, heavy and intoxicating.

''There's at least one, that's for sure.'' The words hit you with the power of a thousand crushing waves. Overwhelmed, your entire body became impossibly still and you just stood there frozen, unblinking, lips slightly parted.

Pending, whether to breathe or scream. It was doubtful whether you were meant to hear that or not yet judging from Abby's indecipherable expression, she was not fixed on an answer either.

''What?'' Even if you weren’t thoroughly sure of what exactly had been transpiring between the two of you since your group moved to the WLF base two years ago, you knew how to recognize a botched confession when it was staring you in the face. 

Eventually, you two ran out of things to say, exhaling heavily as you fall silent.

Abby ultimately decided to take matters into her own hands, her boots clicking on the ground with every step she took towards you, approaching you so painfully slow that your heart almost stopped at the anticipation she brought into your bones.

By the time she was merely inches away from you, you exhaled the breath you had been holding deep in your throat, focused only on backing instinctively away as slowly as she was approaching, until your lower back hit the edge of the desk near her bed.

That’s when it fully registered just how close you two were. Enough that you could feel her hot breath against your neck. Lifting your eyes up to look at her properly, you shuddered at her gaze, hardened eyes smoldering with burning intensity, making you mildly uneasy to this new sensation taking over your body.

''God, you're so fucking thick sometimes.'' She launched herself at you, descending her mouth onto yours, trying to take possession of lips that she had only tasted in her dreams.

Her kiss was hypnotic, so insistent, pressing the tip of her tongue to your shut lips until they surrendered to her and then pulled you the rest of the way against her, your face pushed into hers in a smothering kiss in which you hardly participated in, letting her dominate it in any way she saw fit and it was unparalleled.

One hand was in your hair, tugging it gently and the other at the base of your neck keeping you close to her as though wind was to drift you away from her embrace. Her fingertips slipped beneath your collar to tease at the skin just underneath your clothing and you found yourself melting into it, eager for what would follow.

''I always knew that one day I'd have you like this'.' Gently, she trailed her fingertips up to your jaw, turning your head to the side before attaching her lips to the soft skin, planting wet kisses all over it.

If someone asked you whether this might be a record for how quickly arousal had overtaken your senses, you may have lied. Of course not, you'd say. No way did it take just one nip on your neck to get you this fucking soaked. It started a fire within you no one else could ever ignite.

''You think I haven't noticed how you look at me?'' She latched onto that perfect meeting point between your jaw and throat where she could feel your hammering pulse against her lips and tongue while she marked you with her mouth.

''Fucking hell-'' You gasped as she found that spot that unlocked your entire body, making you squirm and whimper as she increased the intensity of her coordinated attack on it, biting and soothing, until you were a keening mess.

''I always thought that it was gonna be me but you're so god damn impatient.'' Goosebumps slithered down your spine as darted her lips up to your ear, her lips gently caressing your lobe and your hips bucking slightly, longing for her touch.

Her hands trailed down the dips and curves of your body before grasping your arse in both hands, hoisting you upward with ease. You responded, wrapping your legs around her eagerly as she guided you both backwards towards the bed.

Feeling her shins come into contact with the edge of her mattress, she sat down with you straddling her lap, her lips caressing your neck softly.

''She won't get to have this. Not with you.'' She murmured, pulling your bra cups down so your breasts were on full view over the fabric of your shirt, making you squeak, blinking owlishly at the sudden development.

A rush of excitement washed over you, feeling a near-instant reaction between your thighs. You couldn't help but quiver as she dragged her fingertip across your bare nipple, your breasts heaving with each fast breath.

''So beautiful.'' Her breathless whisper set your skin ablaze, gawking at you as though you were the finest masterpiece in a gallery.

''Abby, please-'' Your nails dragged down her defined forearms, creating red lines impatiently. You weren't sure what you were begging for but the slight smirk that formed onto her lips showed you that she understood anyway.

What was certain, was that you were a proper mess under her mercy. Suddenly, the cool temperature of the room turned into unbearable heat, skin on fire contradicting the cold sweat slipping down your spine.

A whine escaped you as she took your nipple in her mouth, latching onto the very tip with her teeth. She held your stare as she swirled her tongue around the peaked bud, the lace just thick enough to keep her from touching you, but only just.

You could still feel her lips curl around it and the heat of her mouth blazing your skin, leading you to grind against her broad thigh, desperate to rid yourself of the ache between your legs.

Driven by the heat settling in your lower half, you found yourself subconsciously grinding down into her lap, eager for any kind of friction to help soothe your ache. It wasn't enough.

Growing frustrated, you planted your hands on her broad shoulders, supporting yourself as you gently started pressing your hips against hers, subconsciously griding them up and down . Sensing your desperation, she chuckled to herself.

''Not like this. I want to taste you.'' There was nothing she’d love more but to go down on you, feel your thighs quiver and press against her, have you pulse around her tongue until you’re a sobbing mess, begging him to stop and begin, a never ending cycle of pleasure.

With a swift movement of her hands, you found yourself against the soft cottoned sheets of her bed and Abby barely just below your waist, looking up at you with a gaze full of desire.

The hunger in her eyes as she easily removed your jeans from your legs was striking, mesmerising every nerve in your body to stay still under her touch.

Your panties were almost transparent when she reached down, and she wasted no time to zoom in on them. You were practically creaming her fingers once she moved them past the flimsy material, slipping it down to your ankles and then tossing it aside.

She turned her undivided attention to your drenched cunt, folds gleaming with your overflowing slick. Without hesitation, she pressed her lips against your slit, licking excruciatingly slow your arousal and groaning at the taste of you.

In that moment, she felt drunk, gliding her tongue through your wetness, soft sighs escaping her lips whilst taking your scent in. She licked a path up your slit to your throbbing clit before sucking it into her mouth, her pointed tongue tracing circles around it.

It was intoxicating and she was hooked from the first tantalizing taste. Her tongue dug deeper as she sought more, burying her face into the apex of your thighs. 

Only if she knew how many sleepless nights you spent dreaming of her with your hand in between your thighs, wishing it was her instead.

''Abby-'' You moan her name like a desperate prayer, voice feeble and croaky to her touch. Her tongue was painfully, awfully delicate and torturously slow as it circled your sweet spot. In need to feel more pressure, you tried to lift your hips into the pleasure with her grasp tightening on your thighs, promising blue-shaded marks to appear so to hold you into place.

You were too enthralled by her mouth to notice that one of her hands had left your thighs as soft lips rested against your clit, sucking it with need before two fingers slid inside of you with ease, curling upwards to hit your spot instantly.

Her fingers fucked into you slowly, agonizing, matching the pace of her tongue flickering every inch of you. You jolted as if you’d been electrocuted, tense and shirking as you gripped the sheets so tight, it felt as if you'd rip them to shreds.

''My girl.'' Her voice sounded so broken and wrecked, showing you exactly how bad she craved this, craved you. Your fingers tugged at her soft hair desperately for something to keep yourself grounded.

The sound that escaped her lips was so feral, almost like a growl matching her brutal pace, and your eyes blurred with stars as she hit the deepest parts inside of you with her long fingers over and over.

The orgasm building inside of you with each thrust was overwhelming, threatening to leave you shaking and breathless in a way no other person could ever quite manage, even if they were the most experienced on the planet. No one mattered but her, neither to your heart or trembling body.

''Mine. Aren't you?'' She whispered breathlessly before licking you again, slower and more deliberately than before.

The action drew a sharp cry from your lips which was quickly stifled as you bit down on them, squirming under the flickers of sensation. It felt as though you were connected, quickening her pace, working in broad strokes, sliding against the sides of your labia.

You felt your face flush to her question, whether it was from the raspy, assertive tone of her words, or the return of her searing gaze on you, perhaps a combination of both, you didn't know. Not trusting yourself to speak, you settled for a shaky nod and a barely audible 'yes' that came out mostly as a whimper. 

You arched your back, your hips jerking in his grasp as the pleasure made your body burn from the inside out. You moaned with complete abandon, your grip on your sheets almost tearing holes in the fabric.

The noises coming between your legs were obscene. The slurping and sucking that reached your ears drenched your body with a hot flush and you threw your head back with a long whine. Your body was aching for relief, a way to release the tension that had been building up from the past couple of days of sexual frustration. 

Pleasure twisted deep in your belly, and the release was nearly excruciating when you were finally pushed over the edge.

Without being able to control the moans and whimpers lodging in your throat any longer, you finally yelped in pleasure as she lapped at your cunt, white dots in your vision as the orgasm hit you hard, your whole body shaking with the sudden release of tension.

The pressure, the heat led you to scream, tears forming in the corners of your eyes from the intensity, but her mouth refused to leave your throbbing core. She slid her tongue inside your hole, grinning at the rush of your fluids on her chin.

It was not deep, not even close, yet the stretch was enough to curl your toes from being overstimulated. Enough for you to croak out her name as your back pressed against the bed, kittenish and feeble.

Nothing else mattered but the feel of her tongue, as she drew your folds aside and ruthlessly drank mouthfuls of your release, as eagerly as someone stuck in the desert for far too long coming across an oasis, glistening slick dripping down her face in the process.

You held your palms across your mouth attempting to stifle your cries while bucking your hips against her greedy mouth.

When she was satisfied enough, she pressed her head gently against your thigh, planting a soft kiss there before darting her gaze up to your face, taking in the mess that she made of you with a beaming smile.

''That was- fuck.'' There were no words to describe the euphoria you just experienced and so you just stared at the beautiful woman resting so comfortably against your skin, with half lidded eyes, stretched open, and ever so pleased.

Speechless, your hand reached down to her angel carved face, tracing the outline of it softly with your fingertips.

''Oh, we are not done yet.'' Yeah, you might have to thank Nora after all.

[arriansarchive]

HI:D can I request a Will Byers (Season 4?) Like they just came back from Cali to Hawkins and he saw how much change one of his best friend's (the male reader) went through, like taller and deeper voice and stuff. And basically just all fluff cause my boy Will deserves love 😔 thaaanks<3

Will Byers/Tall!Male!Reader

UGH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

I guess since we knew Will that we're part of the party so I just did that

Will does deserve all the fluff I agree heavily

I did basically the entire scene of the time where the pizza van comes to the Wheelers (sorry if it's a different house it's been a second since I've watch season 4)

And okay I didn't remember the exact dialogue and like hell I'm searching up the entire script, so ur gonna have to deal with noncanon dialogue

I'm actually really proud of this sooo happy days yes yes?

OKAY THANK YOU THIS IS SUCH A GOOD PROMPT UR AMAZING

Summary: Look above my little silly notes

Your eyes drooped slightly as the boxes seemed to pile up in front of you. You were beginning to get tired of boxes. Literally.

Steve tried to talk to you a few times, but you didn't really answer with enough worthwhile effort to keep him interested.

You felt a light tap on your shoulder. "Hey, Y/N, are you okay?" You turned around to see Dustin talking to you for what seemed like the millionth time. "You seem a little off."

"I'm just stressed and getting kind of annoyed that no one can see or understand that." You grunted, lifting a particularly heavy box in your arms.

He got a defeated look on his face as he was probably asked to do this by some other idiot trying to snoop, but you brushed it off with a shake of your head.

You wondered who would actually be okay about something like this. You got told Max was in a coma, Eddie's probably dead as well. It seemed stupid to you that everyone was acting like nothing happened.

Karen Wheeler looked over your shoulder and said something nobody was expecting. "Did someone order a pizza?"

Eyebrows were raised and furrowed as people looked back from their boxes. What looked like a pizza van was ripping down the street at a fast pace.

It came to skirting stop, and one of the doors flew open. You were more confused then you liked to admit; did anyone order a pizza?

Your eyes widened from their previously sleepy state whenever you saw Eleven, Will, Jonathan, a random guy you didn't know, and Mike step out of the side door.

The gaze that was originally fixed on the guy you didn't know switched immediately to Will. He's been your best friend for years, and you had missed him very much.

He met your awed stare with a giant, warm grin. A grin that you had longed for ever since he left a year ago. Phonecalls weren't enough to satisfy you.

"Will!" You called out, a smile matching his present on your face.

"Y/N!" He sounded relieved, but his eyes were red and a little puffy.

Will pulled you into a tight hug whenever he got close enough. You felt sparks light up in your stomach, and it felt like they were going to leak over into your mouth and out.

He was warm. It felt like being wrapped in safeness itself.

You had met Will around two years old; your two mother's were good friends throughout highschool and adulthood.

He soon introduced Mike to you, and everyone got along well. Lucas and Dustin came along later. Everything was good for a while.

Will looked up at you, seemingly in surprise. His eyebrows were up high, and his mouth was open wide.

"How did you get so tall in just a year?" He asked with shock.

As if your eyes were deceiving you before you realized that Will was quite a bit shorter than you now. He smiled up at you happily.

"I guess I didn't notice." You mumbled.

He giggled and it made your heart race a little faster. "Your voice is deeper too!"

You smiled widely at him, digging your head down into the crook of his neck. "Damn, I've missed you so much, Will."

"I've missed you too."

You hugged for a while longer before pulling away. He offered to help you with your boxes, and you gladly accepted the help, momentarily forgetting the peril you all were in.

[leaft-the-chat]

patience is a virtue

ft. luocha

content. (s)mut, afab!reader, dubcon, sex toys, blindfold, bondage, imprisonment, implied power dynamic? idk i wrote this when i was horny, 3.5k wc

a softer and slightly longer interpretation of @mirangel's post because that idea was so genius i can't survive on just crumbs-

he's been gone for so long that you've forgotten how to wait, so he teaches you again.

You still remembered the way he kissed you.

The soft velvet of his lips on yours, gentle hands roaming, touching, caressing every inch of your body. He did it so that he’d never forget the feel of you on his long, arduous journeys.

Every time he came back, Luocha decorated you with silk and gold. In all shapes and sizes, each piece costed a fortune. He would never tell you the price, lest you besiege him with a mouthful about spending too much on you, and he would never admit that the thought of you finding out the full value of the garments hugging your body in his stead while he travelled far, far away made him so damn hard.

But that would have to be put on hold for the time being.

“What do you mean, you won’t be back until tomorrow?”

Luocha cursed himself for the blood rushing to his cock at the sight of your crestfallen face. “I’m sorry, dear,” he crooned and wiped a tear off your reddened cheek. How he wanted to ram himself into you against the wall right then and there. “But work is work. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I return.”

He revelled in the way that your brows furrowed. Flawless manicures gripping the bedsheets, wrinkling the frilly, delicate lingerie on your even more delicate frame, tits hard and swollen, eager to be touched. Such a fine specimen you were, tweaked and altered to perfection - all by his own hands.

“You promised,” you whined, thighs clenching, missing his touch, missing the way his big kok filled you up so full and tight. “I didn’t touch myself at all just for you. Need you so bad, I can’t take it anymore…”

Luocha pressed a kiss to your forehead. What an ungrateful fucking brat. It seemed that he’d spoiled you so much that you really thought not fingering yourself for a little was comparable to the blood and sweat he racked, working to lavish you with riches and gold. You were his pretty little girl, but naughty girls needed to be corrected.

His thumb ghosted over your puffy lips. “Tell you what,” he cooed. “You’ve done more than enough, dear, but I need you to do one more little thing for me, alright?”

You hiccuped. “I told you, Luocha, I can’t-”

“No, no, it’s a bit… different this time.” He chuckled. “I know you can do it, love. Just a little more.” He gazed at you. “Please? For me.”

The scene that played out before him was like a script that it was laughable. Your pretty mouth hang open, head trying to process what he just said. They say that eyes were the windows to the soul, well, the moment Luocha looked into yours, he knew that you were fucked out beyond recognition, a dumb slut ready to beg for the mind-numbing drug that was his dick.

“O-okay, then…” You finally managed, and Luocha smiled to himself. He didn’t even have to lift a finger.

“Good girl.”

Luocha kissed you again and got up from the bed. He rummaged through the drawers and hummed a little tune, making sure to take his sweet time before procuring what looked like a blindfold, a gag… a pair of metal handcuffs… and a vibrator.

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “No. No, Luocha, no. I can’t- you can’t-”

“Shh, it’s alright, my sweet.” He sat back next to you and held your hands in his. “I promise I’ll take care of you once it’s over. You just have to trust me, alright? You can do this for me, right, love?” Luocha looked at you pleadingly.

Now you knew exactly why he was a merchant.

“Fine,” you whimpered as the last of your will crumbled under his eyes. “But you better get back the moment you finish your work.”

Luocha smiled, and the heat between your legs nearly went to your heart. Nearly. “Right after work finishes, and not a moment later.”

First he moved your hair out of the way and gently wrapped the white strip of cloth over your eyes, complete with a small bow at the back (he couldn’t help himself, it went perfectly with your cute lingerie!). Next, you felt the cold metal digging into your wrists with a sharp click!

Luocha’s fingers parted your lips open and you unconsciously licked and sucked them in just the way that he liked, made him laugh. “Patience, dear,” Luocha hummed. “We haven’t even started.” Despite your whines, he pulled his digits out and pushed the cold gag in.

A roast pig with an apple in its mouth.

Luocha sneered. You trusted him so much that it was just so cute and so pathetic. Sitting in front of him blind and handcuffed and drooling at the corner of your puffy lips like a dumb bitch. He could pin you down and choke all air out of your lungs. He could sell you to some some cheap brothel, turn you into a free-use fuckmeat for a measly few credits and you wouldn’t even know.

“Beautiful.” he mumbled. He pushed your back on the bed, and spread your legs apart, admiring how the skimpy strings barely did anything to hide your sopping wet cunt clenching around nothing. Once again, you did all the work for him.

Luocha pushed the vibrator into your pussy, erecting a lewd moan from your lips. He hadn’t turned it on and you were already being such a shore. “Still now, love, and follow me.”

Luocha helped you up from the bed, one arm wrapped around your waist. Your legs shook from the cold, foreign object nestled between your walls. Even if you were gagged and blindfolded, he knew you were asking where he was leading you, but all you had for an answer was the sound of creaking wood.

You felt his hands guiding your back against a tight, enclosed space. Was me putting you in the closet? And yet, this familiar scent of wood and flowers…

“I never said that I’d leave you alone at home now, did I?” Luocha laughed before closing the coffin shut.

Pitch-dark, you choked on the inky black of the coffin. The rough wood scraped at your naked skin, which would’ve hurt if it weren’t for the low buzz of the vibrator in your cunt keeping you inches away from passing out.

Luocha made an effort to lug you around, walking, talking to as many people as he could, whether they be business acquaintances or simply people passing by who must’ve thought him a bit off his rockers.

“Interested in these jade charms, sir?”

“I must admit I’m a bit intrigued,” he’d lie through his teeth, urging the storekeeper to ramble more and more on inconsequential trinkets.

“Thank you for your patron, benefactor,” you heard a purr through the coffin - that was very close to the coffin. That was right next to the coffin. Luocha knew this, and instantly flicked the switch, turning the tremble inside you up a few notches. Your knees quivered and you could practically swallow the gag in your mouth.

“Oh, and you surely have heard of our illustrious general, the Divine Foresight? He seldom shows himself in the public, but I do have some pictures of him. Allow me a moment here, my dear benefactor…”

The presence next to the coffin left. Yet before you could sigh in relief, another voice rang, though standing a distance away from you. “…back on the Luofu already…” A loud thud! resonated in front of the coffin - of you - like a sword stabbing a rock. “….must really miss the Xianzhou, hehe!”

You heard Luocha’s deep chuckle. “Simply business dealings, Miss Sushang.”

“…Lot to catch… Earl just released a new flavour of tea that’s absolutely delicious!” The girl squealed and stepped closer. You could hear her more clearly now. “If you’re free right now, wanna try it out? I’m on my break.”

You could sense your partner placing a hand on his chin like how he always did. “Alas…” He sighed and stroked the side of the coffin. “Perhaps another time. Duty calls me.”

“Aww, good luck on your business then. By the way, have you heard? That really young boy who’s the lieutenant got beaten up by…”

Luocha pressed the remote, and instantly the vibrations in your pussy doubled. Sushang trailed off into a tangent about something that you didn’t quite register as the hot throbbing between your thighs override your brain.

But it hurt, it hurt so much because the vibrator couldn’t reach deep enough. Luocha had purposefully chosen one that was just a little too small, a tad too short for your deepest places so that you’d keel over for him once he was done. The intense sensations cloaked in darkness crawled and itched all over your skin, and all you could think of was Luocha, Luocha, Luocha, Luocha, Luocha, Luocha-

Suddenly, something hit the back of the coffin and you fell forward. The door cracked open and the tiniest ray of light entered the dark space, but not before you caught sight of a glove hand deftly shutting it close and catching the coffin - you - before it hit the ground.

A muffled voice moaned. “Urgh! …so sorry! …be goi-”

“Excuse me, my friend here-” you listened to thee masculine voice yelp in pain, replaced by a higher, pitchier one, “….like to… box that you’re carrying… C’mon, Chengjie, hurry up so we can return! Just one more til I win the game…”

You were rearranged with grunts and set on the ground again. “Of course,” Luocha replied. “What would you like to inquire of me?” They exchanged words that you couldn’t hear, but Luocha saying “Examine away” was all that you needed to know.

Fingers that weren’t his trailed over the coffin, grazing, touching, caressing the coffin, sighing in admiration as if they could see through the wooden skin of the casket. Your heart thundered in your chest. “The carvings are gorgeous, but why do you, um, carry such a large thing around?”

“Weellll,” Sushang’s voice drawled, “this amazing thing here is called a ‘coughing!’”

“A coffin,” Luocha corrected. “It is used in burial rites, to transport the body of the dead to the other side.”

The stranger voice cried, “You’ve got a corpse in there!?”

“This is merely the…” One of Luocha’s hand met the coffin, while the other pushed the virator up to the max. Your knees instantly buckled. “…Tool. Of my trade.”

Too much. It was too much. You tried to grip the walls for some form of assistance, but it was too late. Your legs gave over, and you tumled to the side with a loud crash.

Silence fell.

“Ah, it seems that one of the bolts had come undone. I can’t expect much more, this coffin has accompanied me for quite some time.”

“…Didn’t you say that you were here last time to deliver this to a business associate?”

“Yes, but they were away from the Luofu at the time due to unexpected matters. This time I have returned to fulfil my promise. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I will have to deliver it right away.”

The moment he opened the coffin, Luocha nearly came in his pants. He wondered how the entirety of the Luofu didn’t immediately smell the heavy scent of sex that emanated from the coffin.

There, you were barely hanging on your last thread of sanity, whole body shaking, chin and neck covered in drool with thighs drenched for Yaoshi knows how long. Your hair mussed, sticking to the back of your neck, your frilly laces slipping off for the whole world to see your pert nipples and pink little pussy…

Luocha would’ve taken his time to admire the view if it weren’t for the fact that you were naked in the back of an alleyway.

He removed the vibrator between your swollen hole and placed a soft kiss on your tear-stained cheek. “Not a moment late, yes?” His eyes shone with glee as you fell on your knees and your face nuzzled, whimpering, sniffling his crotch. “Right, you can’t speak. Hold still.”

The moment the gag was off, all that you managed to spew was incomprehensible blabber. “S’ mean…” you whined, sniffling and tugging the crotch of his pants with your teeth. “You’re so mean, Luocha… Kept me waiting for so long… Was gonna die in there…”

Luocha grinned. “I apologize, dearest, work kept me. But all is over. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”

He unzipped his pants to free his hardened cock. He forced your mouth open, shoving his length in. The feel of your warm and wet throat made him groan. “Take it,” Luocha panted. “Take me so well like that slut that you are.”

Tears brimmed at the corners of your eyes from how rough he was fucking your mouth, but you didn’t - couldn’t - mind. Being left in the coffin with a gag made your jaw sore and itching, and now Luocha was granting you the privilege of treating you with his dick. Each thrust sent shivers down your tortured cunt. You could even feel yourself leaking little by little.

But you were sloppy. Perhaps he’d miscalculated and left you in there for so long that you were actually turning stupid. But no matter. Luocha grabbed a fistful of your hair and yanked your head down, his balls slapping against your chin over and over again.

You gagged at the salty taste of his thick cock fucking your mouth, swollen head slamming against the back of your throat, so rough that your tits spilled out of the lace lingerie and your slick shamelessly watered the ground.

His movements were frantic now, you could tell he was getting close, shaking and twitching in your mouth. He was finally going to shoot his hot load down your-

“Did you really think it would be that easy?”

Luocha pulled his throbbing shaft out and tutted. “Look at you. Were you really going to cum just from getting your throat fucked?” He delighted at the sight of your lips connected to his dick through a flimsy string of saliva as you blindly try to find your way back to his dick, smearing drool all over yourself like a cat reaching for its toy.

His eyes glanced at the small wet spot under you. “Get up.”

You frowned. “H-huh…?”

“I said, get up.” Luocha pulled you up from your wobbly, overstimulated knees and pushed you against the wall, rutting and groaning at the feeling of grinding on your ass.

You could barely hold in the moans threatening to spill out of your mouth when his tip flicked against your sensitive clit. “L-Luocha! Stop it!”

Instantly, Luocha pulled away. “Of course, dear.” His voice dripped with mock disappointment. “You must be far too exhausted to continue. Shame, you’ve bee waiting all day for me, and yet-”

“No!” You cried. “Luocha, please, just put it in!”

You could practically taste the mirth in his voice. “And just what do you mean, ‘put it in?’”

“I wan’ you to put…” You gulped. “Wanna put your cock in, please, want you to fuck me dumb ‘til I can’t walk anymore, can’t think anymore. Please use me and fuck me and fill me to the brim with your cum…”

“Oh, but dearest-” Luocha rubbed circles on your clit, extracting a pleasured yelp from you, “you’re already dumb enough. Who was it that kept whining incessantly about my work like a stupid, spoiled whore?”

You sobbed. “I did.”

“And?”

“’M sorry, Luocha, ‘m so sorry-” Gloved fingers spread open your cunt and prodded at the wet entrance. “I won’t ever complain again, I’ll wait for you, Luocha, I’ll be patient, I’ll be a good girl, I’m sorry, Luocha, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Without warning Luocha buried his entire length inside you and hit your deepest parts, making you cry out in pain? Pleasure? It didn’t matter anymore, the only thing you knew was that you were filled to the brim with his thick, throbbing cock.

His thrusts were long and relentless, pushing in as deep as he could and pulling out until his tip barely touched your hole, relishing in the way that you whined and clenched around nothing then choking on your own moans as he slammed balls deep inside you again. Luocha thought that the vibrator would’ve loosened you up a bit, but no, you were just fucking tight like it was your first time.

Grunts and moans mixed in the air, set to the wet, squelching rhythm with the occasional smack! on your ass. He crushed you to himself. Clutching you tighter, arm wrapped around your waist, one hand twisting up in your hair. Fucking you like an animal. Hard and fast and unrelenting. Leaving you little time to breathe, to do anything other than surrender yourself to him, to chant him name like a broken, garbled prayer.

Soon Luocha’s thrusts came to a close, and sith one final swing of his hips, he emptied his load inside you.

You two stood in place, trying to catch your breath.

He pulled out. White, sticky cum oozed out of you, dripping down your thighs and on the ground. Some might have gotten on the coffin, but you doubted that anyone would notice the extra layer of paint on the already white casket.

But before you could even pull yourself together, Luocha hoisted you up against a nearby wall and lined his hard cock to your entrance again. “Don’t act so surprised,” he purred, “we still have an entire month to catch up on.”

The chimes and jingles of the girl’s bell were drowned out by the bustling market streets. One might think to ask why she was running around red-faced, but this was the Xianzhou Luofu, where the short-life hurried to make the most of their limited time, while the long life, in their eyes, lounged around and watched them with amusement.

Li Sushang, however, hurried to get the hell away from what she just witnessed.

Now she understood why he lugged that giant casket around. Business, her arse! (Oops, sorry, mom-) Oh, Aeons above, that man had managed to fool everyone with his princely face but really, Luocha was just a disgusting, messed-up perve-

“Woah, woah, slow down a bit there, officer!”

Huh?

Sushang snapped back into reality but it was too late. Her hands slipped and she tripped over her prized sword. Before she could tumble to the ground, though, a pair of strong arms caught her.

Sushang gasped in relief, but now her face flushed for a different reason. “Th-thank you, sir,” she croaked. Ugh, what was she doing? A Cloud Knight should be there to help the people, not the other way around!

The man helped her up and smiled. He had a handsome face and wore fancy armour embellished with Cloud Knight motifs. Sushang immediately realized that he must be one of her superiors. “I haven’t seen you around here very much,” he said with the slightest tilt of his head. “Are you a new recruit, miss?”

Sushang straightened up. “Yes, sir, deputy Cloud Knight Li Sushang at your service! I transferred here not too long ago from the Yaoqing so I’m not very familiar with the Luofu, but I’m steadily learning everyday!”

He chuckled. “Your shift is already over, yet you’re still hard at work. Your work ethic is admirable, officer Li.”

“Oh, no, I was just-” Sushang choked on her words. Goddamnit (no, mom, Guinai was to blame! Wait, actually, no, don’t scold her-), that image flashed before her eyes again, ew…

She forced a casual laugh, and gestured to her sword. “Getting… exercise! I got this sword from my ma, and it’s reallyheavy, so I’m still getting used to wielding it - even though I’ve had it my entire life… Oh, anyway, I usually run laps around the ship with it, and-” The man was still smiling, but Sushang felt as though she would crumble under his gaze. “…Yeah!”

“I see.” The look in his eyes was as undecipherable as the characters in the reports that Sushang had to write. “I think you should stop and rest for the day. After all…” He let out an unceremonious yawn. “It is getting rather late, don’t you think?”

“Y-yes, sir!”

Jing Yuan watched the girl leave as she appeared - in jingles and a hurry. The direction that Li Sushang came from… Yes, he had no doubt about it. Jing Yuan would need to keep an even closer watch on this merchant.

Luocha scowled. “Fuck you mean, ‘nuh uh’? I’ve already sanitized the coffin three times, now get going or we’ll be late.”

The entity growled from under the bed and sent out thorny vines to stab Luocha’s arm.

“For the last time, I did not cum inside the coffin!"

if you recognize my writing on reddit then buddy you really need to go touch grass

[mejomonster]

Checked out Desire Catcher ep 1:

Thrilled the lead actors aren't as young as I expected

The main Luo guy looks so familiar to me, what have I seen him in before....

The other guy looks familiar too, but I think he looks like Khaotung from gmmtv and that's why

Luo Fei.... Luo fei.... Luo fei? You mean like Luo wenzhou and fei du????!!! I am aware the fei in fei du is费, and this one is fei 飞. But. Hear me out. Is this an original script? Maybe the script writer ships zhoudu. I can imagine, even if its not true. ToT

The setup, if at any point it turns magical/sci fi etc, reminds me of death note: being able to kill remotely and investigating that and all. And I do love some magic in an otherwise mundane reality story

Right now it's like that movie where ppl hear a trigger word then kill, except here they die

For some reason I heard some ppl saying this was gonna be bromance vibes? Well, I'll find out. I do think though that it will likely lend itself to such option (like Under the Skin perhaps? I haven't seen Under the Skin yet though)

I WILL say that... while there's the whole danmei not airing situation, and completely made shows not airing that were bl novel adaptations... mango TV is just the kind of bitch to drop an original script bl through the cracks. First, because they've written original script bl before (wasn't Killer and Healer an original script first before novelization?). Second, because it seems original scripts With bromance undertones is getting a much easier time airing right now: one example being League of Nobleman, another being Pledge of Allegiance. So any original script with Any level of gay stuff I imagine is having an easier time airing rn (also in mango tvs case right now? They're not high Press releases. There's a LOT of eyes on say Sha Po Langs drama than on this random one).

I like the vibe of this show. It's leaning darker/more realistic, feels like the kind of novels I read. Like Justice in the Dark, it has a dead animal early on and a murder scene early on. Not sure how many cdramas skew that direction in scary (or dark idk?) But this one clearly is going that route. Which I personally like (again giving me Under the Skin vibes).

ZHAO YUNLANS DAD IS IN THIS PLAYING A SHADY BITCH (GO FIGURE)

the old professor man almost... looks like he could also be Shen Weis old professor mentor from Guardian, but I don't remember that face as well... so this old professor guy could be from a number of dramas I've seen

Not to compare to Justice in the Dark cause I imagine it's totally unintentional, so it's just funny to me. But I Did Notice we have a Captain Luo, a girl cop whos on his team with That Haircut, and a guy cop who's a little less put together than Luo who talks to That Girl and you... you gotta admit visually they look a lot like Lang Qiao and Xiao Haiyang in casting and just character roles (initially) in the story. If I saw someone filling Tao Rans role I'd be really !!!. But no Tao ran like guy yet. However, our consultant? Ohoho... he's a criminal psychology consultant is he (like Fei Du), his professor helped get him in with the cops (like fei du you say?), he's a bit of a little shit (!!!fei du?!!), he's got slightly longer hair (was that a character design choice or just how the actor looked, either way very Fei Du). And I find it all just a Touch funny. ToT (also I miss Justice in the Dark). It's not Actually like Luo wenzhou/fei du though, as these two don't seem yo know each other and therefore Luo hasn't raised him for like 7 years. The dynamic is therefore Way Different.

I almost get a touch of Guardian or Torchwood vibes and I'm not even quite sure why, cause this first episode was Not campy at all or comedic. It's fairly like Beyond Evil type, murder mystery procedural and a bit heavy. But mm just like... design choices I think. Not the writing, not the directing or sound, just like the sets. The sets look way less bizarre than guardian don't get me wrong. But something about certain choices In them. The touch of bright colors at the first murder scene. The odd pink light. The glowing globe on the desk. The room of papers on the wall and a big crane light. The weird dining table on the roof with a big outer building sign in neon across the street. The focus on the Nokia phones, the Lolipop. Just like... lots of small detail decisions but they strike me as Not quite usual, enough to make it not seem like The Bad Kids (and those kind of realistic shows) in set design. Maybe... a bit like Tomb of the Sea? How tots was mostly realistic looking but there'd be a fucking stuffed animal in a kidnapping living room. Little details you notice enough to oddly remember.

All that said? I Like the set designs a LOT. It feels like Watching a murder mystery novel. It's similar to Justice in the Dark in NAILING the right atmosphere, a good coloring gradient for realism but also Slightly distorted/unknown, in sets that look done enough to feel lived in and like actual places, and with the kind of unique small details a Real place might have (like a fake office might just have office stuff, but THIS Xue guys office has some unique knick knacks so it feels more like an actual place thay could exist, etc).

I'll probably give it more eps. It was my kinda thing. Didn't absolutely capture me in ep 1 but honestly I saw just enough familiar faces that I was partly playing guessing games of where they were from in my mind and so it'll probably take me a few eps to settle and just click or not with it

I loved it's opening and ending though and... usually if I like those 90% chance I like the shows

[halfbit]

hey! this is chance & here’s this week’s prompt. what websites or resources do you use while you write or develop a character/story? what do you think of them and would you recommend them?

hiya chance! thanks for the ask! also i went way too detailedwith this one again, sorry adsajfhdks.

i included links to every resource i listed that is either free or freemium, aside from one's that are on most people's computers by default.

i've tried out a lot of different stuff over the years — i don't have wi-fi so i have strong preference for offline programs and tools! so the majority of these are kept on your computer.

my main tool right now is obsidian — prior to that i used quoll writer, joplin, and plain old notepad (yeah...) though, and i haven't finished transferring and reformatting everything yet ^^. i only reopen quoll now though to look at my old notes. i highly recommend obsidian, it's so much fun once you figure it out and highly responsive. quoll is useful too but i had some issues with it, including the occasional lost content, random crash, and just general slowness.

i use obsidian for keeping all of my brainstorming together, backing up my discord rambles, outlining plots, and organizing my worldbuilding and character profiles. i also sometimes write short stories or little one-off scenes in it.

a sample of my obsidian setup for serpent's quest + a different obsidian setup i have for another project that is. a bit too cheesy and embarrassing to share.

i do dabble in conlanging for serpent's quest! originally i kept all my words in a notepad file, but i ended up downloading polyglot to help keep things organized and make it easy to generate new vocabulary offline! i keep formatted notes on my conlangs in libre office (which is also what i use to write my longer stuff). i also use polyglot to generate names and organize their meanings/origins when i'm stuck!

my polyglot system for names specificially!

on occasion i use twine, but usually for specific things like family trees, timelines, or connecting my universe together. however i recently figured out how to do this with obsidian too so i'm probably gonna move that part over to obsidian as well (obsidian is great yall)

a section of one of my family trees done in twine

some adjacent resources i use include:

clip studio + concepts + physical sketchbook for art & visual brainstorming. i also designed the conlang script in clip studio. i find concepts is really useful for getting rough visual ideas out quickly, although it runs a bit slow on my computer. it's a lot less polished than clip studio, but that kind of takes the pressure off and makes it easier to just experiment. it's like using ms paint but with slightly better tools.

some rough ideas i drafted using concepts!

sometimes i also use it for "hand-written" digital notes, which is super helpful for brainstorming ideas

-

allusion + pureref for visual references. you could definitely use these to store moodboards too if you wanted to have some inspiration on screen while you write or brainstorm, although i haven't done that myself though. also might be good for reference images of the setting, so you know what the place looks like. pureref lets you keep things on the screen, whereas allusion allows you to create custom tags and folders for your reference images, making it easy to find them and plop them into pureref when you need them.

this is my allusion set up! i mostly got it because i had way too many references for pureref to keep up with, i still need to go through and tag everything properly, but if you're just gonna use it for keeping moodboards or character sheets organized i think it can be super useful (and offline!)

websites i use when developing things or generating inspiration include tvtropes, wikipedia, findmypast (for old newspapers) and ofc youtube and tumblr.

when i'm developing a story or character, i like to go through tv tropes and see the different archetypes and how different works have subverted or played them straight. i almost always walk away with an idea i want to explore or flip on its head.

wikipedia is great to use as a starting point. i usually try to go through the sources and see if i can find more in depth stuff that way, or use the names it mentions to see if i can get more. i also use it to check if my names make sense if i'm pulling them from a real culture. i tend not to worry as much about the meaning being accurate, i'm more concerned with whether it makes sense for a 40 year old to be named dillian. so i usually double check the wikipedia page for a name and look at the notable people with that name, what country they're from, and what years they were born in.

i found findmypast while i was doing research for adigore, but i can see it being immensely useful (and very entertaining) for general research. it has an immense amount of newspapers you can read and search by keywords. you can't access all of them, but you can access enough that it doesn't really matter.

with youtube i love it for more casual idea acquisition! i'll sometimes listen to videos about worldbuilding or writing in the background during work. i definitely prefer it as a well of ideas or worldbuilding zone rather than a "writing advice" corner, all of these things are hugely influenced by one's own opinions, but i think you can still walk away with some cool stuff regardless (or a better idea of what doesn't work for you!)

here's a few specific channels i've been enjoying lately.

the grungeon master - explores and questions fantasy tropes and ideas, usually done in the context of d&d, but i've found the discussions to be highly transferrable to general fantasy as well

kaz rowe - modern and medieval history, culture and historical misconceptions, a gold mine if you're doing any type of writing at all regarding the victorian period as well, and also just entertaining in general. often explores media (especially queer) in a historical and cultural context too!

localscriptman - from the perspective of a screenwriter, i've found the writing advice to be very helpful especially if you sometimes need more bluntly delivered ideas. this won't be for everyone but i feel like if it is for you it'll just work.

and for tumblr well, it's all of yall! sharing cool stuff, and stumbling upon cool blogs and the recommendations they give. a treasure trove of resources and knowledge! thank you.

god why did this get so long. why did i spend so much time on this. i could have just done a bulletpoint list. i am so good at answering simple questions. aaaaaa haha </3

[magicalhideoutengineer]

HULLFISH: I loved the erumpant scene (one of the fantastic beasts) in the zoo. Tell me about building the suspense of that scene.

DAY: I really like that scene too. It has very good visual effects and the erumpant is a very lovable, flirtatious and fantastic creature which alongside Eddie Redmayne who plays Newt and Dan Fogler who plays Jacob makes for a sumptuous feast because it starts off slowly as Newt tries to seduce the erumpant back into his case with his slightly surreal dance, and then Jacob, with the aid of an escaped seal, spills the erumpant musk onto his protective armour (don’t ask, just watch the film!) and that’s when she smells him and the chase begins. This then builds and builds gradually into an almost musical crescendo which culminates on the Central Park ice rink as the erumpant gets closer and closer to Jacob with Newt in pursuance before she is recaptured into the case having narrowly missed out licking Jacob’s face.

Now that sequence obviously took quite a while to get right and I did numerous versions myself using part live action and part pre-viz to get the rhythm of the scene working and as you know, you try things out a number of different ways. Then David and I worked together on it over the months with gradually more and more sophisticated post-viz animation being supplied by the visual fx department and eventually it found its natural length and rhythm and played very well.

It was quite a bit longer originally because there was a lot more that happened within the scene. But it felt a little too long in the context of the whole film and so we also referred to our ‘filmed audience recruit screenings’ which Warner Bros provided us with in the cutting room (because we were unable to go to some of the test screenings due to the schedule, which is a shame as you cannot beat ‘feeling’ the vibe in the room with a live audience) and whenever we were unsure as to whether it was the right thing to do we would check out the audience to see if they were enjoying it or shifting in their seats and that was an incredibly useful tool to have as there was one beat in the original version in which the audience seemed to shuffle about a bit, so we pared it down until it felt like the right length.

HULLFISH: Let’s talk about temp music. I specifically noted a track in the score after the strudel scene where Newt and Kowalksi are having dinner in the girls’ apartment.

DAY: Yes, that’s right. When they first meet Queenie in the Goldstein apartment.

The source track ‘You’re the cream in my coffee’ was being played on a gramophone. In fact Alison Sudol who played the character Queenie (and it was her first day of filming) had that playing on set to get into the character and because it worked so well and we could clear it for usage I laid it on the scene when I was editing because I loved it so much and David agreed. It worked really well with her character. From there James Newton Howard segued into his lovely score as the apple strudel was being magically constructed!”

HULLFISH: This is a strange question, but where did the edit start? There were so many motion graphics and logos and stuff before we saw film….or did you have to cut all that together with pre-vis and post-vis?

DAY: You’re referring to the newspaper montage at the beginning. That all evolved during post production actually. Originally it was used later on in the film as scripted, however one of the producers had the good idea that we could use it at the beginning of the film, not only to familiarize people once again with the Harry Potter world but also it is a useful way of getting across a lot of expositional information in an interesting way which is what we needed to do. For example, it showed us the name Grindelwald (the protagonist in the film) a number of times which subconsciously lodges in people’s minds and gives the film a slightly darker tone, whereas in the original script the film started with Newt arriving by boat in New York and it was all quite jolly. Now we introduce it with this sinister character killing a number of aurors and we catch a distinctive glimpse of the back of his head (this turns out to be Grindelwald who will be played by Johnny Depp in the next film and we see him transform from the character Graves played by Colin Farrell near the end) which then segues into the newspaper montage ending up on an image of the Statue of Liberty, so instead of just this slightly eccentric British man with a suitcase arriving on a boat we have introduced a number of themes that will resonate throughout the film.

HULLFISH: Tell me about the fight with the obscurus at the end. The final battle had a beautiful, musical rhythm to it. I really love the rhythm of that scene.

DAY: Thank you, Steve, I’m really pleased about that. These things take time to get right and I did countless versions until we found the right rhythm. Having said that I do have pre-viz to work with whilst I’m editing and I intercut that with the live action footage of the main characters which gradually builds up the scene and then when we are happy with it, we turn that over to the VFX department who in turn work on the edit and they were giving us back quite sophisticated post-viz. Then eventually when we ‘semi-lock’ the scene that goes out to the vendor who work on the individual shots that we then start to receive over the ensuing months and in time they become these very impressive shots which are ‘finalled’ after many viewings and comments and incorporated into the main edit so it’s a very time-consuming process that evolves over the months that we work on the film. We also had the advantage of having the Credence character played by Ezra Miller who gave us some fantastic motion capture footage of him emoting and screaming which was incorporated into the obscurus visual fx and this gave it a unique, interesting and beautiful look.

HULLFISH: There was quite a bit of interactive lighting in the movie, was it difficult to maintain continuity with that?

DAY: That can cause problems sometimes obviously. For example, there was a scene in the Pentagram office when Tina (Katherine Waterston) shows up with the suitcase and interrupts the meeting. Philippe Rousselot (the D.O.P.) had used interactive lighting above the crowd that was following the dead body of senator Shaw (who had recently been killed by the obscurus) Now you know how scenes change during the edit and lines are excised or the scene is restructured in some way or another so there was no continuity to the lighting at all and we had to cheat it in the grade with the help of Peter Doyle our colourist and also visual fx helped out with some of it.

[jakowskis]

a day in the death time!! quite a few interesting differences. i already knew about a lot of this stuff bc i read the torchwood magazine on the episode, but it was still cool to see the script in its entirety

first order of business:

this writer seemed to have a slightly skewed view of certain parts of owen's personality... namely, he's not the type to fake a smile; if he's miserable, everybody's gonna know it. and he wasn't trying to find happiness in the coffee thing, he's not resilient like that. he tried to adjust to it, which shows some maturity bc i think s1 owen would've thrown more of a fit, but all in all it's just... not quite the right take on owen. i think that's the sort of thing that happens when a bunch of people work on a show and there's an extended universe and the writers don't work closely together, because the way torchwood as a show is, there's like... thirty different versions of owen. this feels like owen in the books or something, where he's just... Off

we see this misunderstanding of the character pop up here; originally in this scene, owen grabs tosh and kisses her. he's a little more sadistic, and a lot nastier; the script describes him as looking scary in this moment.

i adore this ep and i... think i like this writer, i know he did deadline and that's a good one, but this script feels... weird. it's got less heart in places, and a bit of flashy meanness i very much dislike. we see it with owen there, and that same sort of unnecessary cruelness pops up with jack as well. i always hated the way he treats owen after he meets him on the dock. like, owen just tried to kill himself, and the two things jack does when he finds him are 1) flirt with him, and 2) ask how much longer he's gonna "do this for". i think owen should've gotten to kill him again for that lmao.

we were spared yet another instance of it. im a owen/ianto/jack shipper, so this makes me slightly happy on that note cuz erm wtf jack - but also it like... fucking sucks. there's that callousness again, the utter disregard for owen's mental state, jack feeling fucking inconvenienced by it (and i'll never understand why he has that response to it). he's soo fucking cruel to owen. but then to make it worse, he once again offers up a soullessly flirty line, and then physically condescends him with the hair ruffle. like??? come the fuck on. i can see why it got left out. it's the wrong tone, it's tasteless, and it's mean. (however. i will always be amused by the fact owen's canonically into ianto, yet ianto repeatedly expresses he's not attracted to owen. ahahaha)

ok some other little highlights

bored kid :) at another point he's referred to as a bored schoolkid. the legs swinging visual is adorable

i dont really have anything to say about this one i just like the vibe of it. the idea of owen grabbing someone's hand and letting them feel the way there's nothing there. ive been working on some owen/andy stuff maybe ill borrow that concept lol

there's a lot more of the owen & parker convo, i liked some of the stuff. i reallyyy like owen's preoccupation with choice here, because that's a recurring thing with his character that compels me. he's doomed by the narrative, but he doesn't want to be. he's conscious of it and he desperately attempts to rewrite it so he can control his own fate, but in the end he doesn't get to, either time. he keeps trying to off himself because that'd be taking some control back, getting to go out on his own terms, and he's thwarted every time. and when he does die, it's not fair, because nothing is. "not like this!" it haunts me a bit.

i also like this moment. i assume it was cut because they already got into the same thing with maggie and her husband, but i like owen finding comfort in another person sharing something nice they once had, and i really like him admitting that that's what he's doing. it's a humanizing little moment for him, because he's usually not someone who experiences freudenfreude very often.

love this. there's that stuff about choice again, about taking the power back, a fuck-you to the universe that's treated you like a chew toy. there's something about the way owen's suicidality feels spiteful that hits close to home for me.

oh hell no not a fucking "i love you" "i know" that's FUCKED. fuck off

martha's departure originally didn't feature the hug between owen and martha, which is one of my fav moments. i do wish we got this little bit of gwen throwing an arm around owen. i always loved how he holds her at the end of kkbb and it would've been nice to see her support him in the same way here

tiny little owen + ianto solidarity moment here awe. also 565... has. has there been 500+ tw agents?? if so that must include tw1 agents. they probs excluded it cuz irrelevance + they didn't wanna think about all that fdshfjkd

and lastly............. but most importantly...........

BUENOS DIAS OWEN!!!

s2 time! i'm not gonna be as thorough with it as i was w s1 bc i'm not a huge fan of season 2 ff but here goes

(this post's gonna be tosh/owen + some fragments talk, then i'm gonna reblog with a day in the death stuff, and then ill make a separate post for adam bc. woo nelly. that one warrants it.)

so lets start with the tosh/owen differences. a lot of their little scenes in s2 are markedly different - mostly as far as body language. there's a surprising amount of physical affection between them.

four separate occasions (eps 3, 4, 8, and 9) where there's physical affection between them in the script that didn't make it into the episode. i find this intriguing. tosh and owen are both very... non-affectionate people. both of them could be, with someone they loved romantically, but they don't strike me as the type of people who like to cuddle with their friends. they're both naturally very aloof and non-touchy, which makes that casual physical touch very ooc. i imagine that's why it didn't end up on screen. i figure the writers here knew the show was meant to push the tosh/owen angle in s2, but it's interesting to me that it ended up being a lot more subtle and... awkward in the show itself. i've already said i'm not a towen fan, for many reasons, but one is that there's just... zero chemistry between them (in s2, anyway). every interaction is forced and uncomfortable. it's weird enough that i was thrown off by it for a long time and couldn't figure out what the show was trying to do with them, lmao. i know that their awkwardness probably appeals to some people, and is cute or smth, but i dislike it personally. mostly i'm just petty the show reduced tosh down to that relationship tbh but whatever.

i can't help but wonder if they had this casual physical affection with each other, and if it fit in and didn't feel ooc for them, if i would like them as a couple more. but honestly i have thought about what the show could've done to make tosh/owen endear me, and i don't think uncharacteristic physical affection would be it. i do like that first scene, the way their communication styles clash a bit and they don't know quite how to talk to each other. i like owen awkwardly trying to comfort her, i love when he does that, how it's like a baby deer walking for the first time fhsdjfkds. im very endeared by the way owen's empathy is either out of nowhere and all-consuming, or something he has to force and is awkward about wielding. whenever he tries to be kind it's very tentative, because it doesn't come natural to him (anymore, at least), but he does care enough to try. i'm so fond of it. also hes sooo nd ehehe. tosh too.

will say this: i do appreciate owen getting hugs. he does need it. tosh needs it too. if the team WAS physically affectionate with each other they'd be better off, i think.

two more tosh/owen things...

see, this is what i mean when i say i couldn't tell what the show was doing with them. the SHOW can't even tell. this whole scene is written very vaguely, with little insight into owen's head, like the damn writer doesn't even know why he finally agreed. this is probably my, like, fourth favorite tosh/owen scene, which isn't saying much, 'cause i still don't really like it. it's cute in like, three spots, but mostly it just feels... weird. i don't understand what burn was intending with his acting choices, because owen comes across as insincere and slightly snide. it's weird and gross, and it rubs me wrong. i don't know if he's trying to be casual and play it cool or something, but the way he laughs at her makes me wanna punch him. the way owen treats tosh is just about the only place i legitimately can't stand him.

one last bit about it. see, 'fondly'. in the actual scene, i would describe the way owen looks at her in this moment as.... amused (at her expense) and slightly condescending. like he thinks she's laughable. it fucking bothers me. which sucks because i wanna like them, i do. i think they could be compatible. but the way he treats her in canon is nauseating and i can't get behind it.

right, and then two fragments moments i wanna discuss

all i really wanna say here is again (as mentioned in my end of days talk), chibnall didn't specify owen crying or anything, but he spends his whole segment of this ep in tears. point is i wanna thank burn gorman for the way owen constantly is teary eyed and miserable, with those big pretty brown doe eyes of his. it means the world to me. thats all

actually it's not all cuz i also wanna point out jack grabbing owen to stop him instead of owen collapsing into tears and sobbing into jacks chest while jack holds him. the dead man walking script similarly didn't specify the physical touch between jack and owen in the three places it appears, so i imagine that was largely something decided by the actors... i'm very compelled by the three separate instances where we see owen attack jack one minute / at one point in the ep and then sob in his arms the next. their relationship is sooo unhealthy fff

[yelenasdiary]

Hii, hope u feel better soon! Could I request one where Florence is in love with the reader who’s the writer for her new movie but she struggles to admit it to herself until it gets pointed out by one of her costars or like in a game of truth or dare or something.

Game of Confessions

Pairing: Florence Pugh x Reader

Summary: A simple game of truth or dare lets Florence open up about her feelings. 

|Fluff | 1.3K | Mentions of drinking |

Requests are closed.

AC: Loved this idea!! I hope you enjoy it! X *I had to repost this because I posted it with the wrong request, please forgive lmao*

Being a writer has always been a passion of yours, you’d been writing things here and there since you could remember. So, when you were offered to be the writer for the new Marvel mini-series for Disney + called ‘Bishop Security’ you jumped at the chance. You couldn’t stop smiling when Marvel actually picked up your script and ideas and decided to go with it.

The series focused on the story of Kate Bishop and Yelena Belova so getting to work with not only Marvel, but Hailee Steinfeld and Florence Pugh was blowing your mind. You’d met and worked with Florence once before on another movie but still, you enjoyed being on set day in and day out, watching scenes and listening to script suggestions or writing changes with all the talented people you were working with. It caught your attention that Florence was acting a little different towards you than she usual was, at first it worried you and made you sad thinking that you might have done something wrong, but she assured you that wasn’t the case and that she simply just had a bit on her mind. 

“Take a picture Flo, it’ll last longer” Hailee whispered to Florence before handing her the takeaway coffee, “huh? I wasn’t staring” Florence’s eyes quickly moved away from your figure as you were going over the script with the director. “Oh please, you can’t stop staring at her since we started filming” Hailee teased with a soft elbow to the ribs. “We work together, I have to look at her”

“Yeah, look, not drool honey” Hailee chuckled, “come on, we have a scene” she adds before the two walks towards you and the director. “Good morning” you greet both women with a smile, “ready to smash the day?” you add. 

“I’m always ready” Florence returned the smile. “That’s what we like to hear” you replied, “We’ve just made some slight changes to the scene if you both want to have a quick run over the script before we start” you suggest. “Absolutely” Florence said taking a look at the new script before walking away with Hailee. 

“I’m always ready” Hailee teased once more, “Drop it” Florence chuckled. “You should tell her you like her”

“It’s a bit more than that” Florence mumbled as she read through the changes. 

“Wait, what? You’re in love with her? Is that what I’m hearing?” Hailee perked up to Florence’s surprise, “huh? That’s not what I said” her cheeks when red. “Oh you’ve got it bad! How long?” 

Florence sighed in defeat, “since we first worked together last year” she admits, “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since” 

“That’s adorable! But why won’t you tell her?” 

“Because she’s her and I’m me, we wouldn’t work…I mean, we would both be away for work and that’s not fair on either of us”

“So? that’s the beauty of love! If it’s meant to be than it’ll find a way to work” 

“I don’t know” Florence mumbled with a sigh, “can we just get back to work?” she asked. 

Over the last couple of weeks of filming things with Florence got harder, she became distance and not her happy self around you. You were sure you’d done something to upset her by now and asked Hailee for help. 

“Oh, trust me, it’s not what you think” Hailee tried to hide her wide smile, “Are you sure? It just feels like I’ve done something to upset her, she’s distant and cold towards me. This isn’t like her. I really just want to make things up to her if I’ve done something to hurt her feelings or made her think less of me” you explain. Hailee panicked slightly with coming up with a good distraction to keep you a peace while Florence had her stressful break down on her feelings. “I’m sure it’s not you, in fact, she’s been like that with me as well. Sometimes work can be a lot, you know, a lot of late nights and stuff. I’ll talk to her” she smiled, her words were enough to lower your worries, “what would be great, thank you and please, if we’re working too much, let us know!” you added before walking to your trailer. 

Hailee rushed straight to Florence’s trailer once you were out of sight. “Flo open the door” she said in a huff, “what’s going on?!” Florence opened the door in a worry. “You’ve gotta do something about your little Y/n issue. She’s worried she’s upset you and is asking questions”

“W-what did you tell her?” 

“I just said that you’re probably a little stressed with work and that you’d also been distant with me. I had too, she’s upset and worried she’s hurt your feelings or done something to upset you. Just tell her, it’s driving you crazy”

“I know, I know but I just…just leave it with me, I promise ill sort it out” Florence replied, her tone making her words unsure of their meaning. 

A couple of more weeks go by, and things have changed slightly between you and Florence, she wasn’t as distant but her conversations with you were kept short and sweet, not to mention she was lacking the eye contact with you.

Once filming had wrapped up, Hailee invited you to a night out for celebration drinks, which you of course agreed to. Being with the cast and crew once last time was special, there were plenty of drinks drank and food shared, the restaurant booked to accommodate the group with a tab that would be paid by Hailee and Florence as a thank you for all the hard work. After a few fun and eventful hours, most of the guest had left to get an early night before flying home or helping to back up the set. It was just you, Hailee, and Florence by the end of the night which led to the three of you playing stupid little games as the group got smaller and smaller until it was just the three of you. 

“Okay Florence, your turn!” Hailee smiled before sipping her cocktail, “truth or dare” she adds. Florence smiled, “dare”

“I dare you to confess a secret” Hailee smirked as your eyes looked between the two, Florence’s smile dropped as she knew where this was going, “I don’t think so” she chuckled lightly. “Nope, come on, you said dare and now you have to do it” Hailee said, “it is the rules” you smiled before sipping your own drink. Florence sighed as she chewed her bottom lip and shook her head in Hailee’s direction. 

“I don’t have any secrets” she spoke. 

“Bullshit!” Hailee shook her head, “just say it would you!” she adds. By now you felt a little suspicious like there was something Hailee knew that you didn’t. Florence downed her drink in a panic before looking at you with a soft smile, “I think you’re beautiful” she complimented to your surprise, “thanks Flo, so are you” you smiled.  

“No” she chuckled, “I think…. I, uhm, I”

“Just say it already Pugh!” Hailee nudged.

“Say what?” you frowned slightly. 

Florence sighed once more, swallowing the lump in her throat, “I’m in love with you, Y/n” she finally admits, “it’s why I’ve been distant with you…I’m sorry that you thought you upset me, you didn’t…I’m just – “

“Beautiful” you said cutting her off, “you’re beautiful and you’re adorable, why didn’t you just say something?” you asked. Hailee sat back in her seat watching the love story unfold. “Because I didn’t want to scare you” Florence spoke. Without replying, you stood up and walked over to her and slightly lent down cupping her face and smashing your lips onto hers. Hailee gasp at the action, Florence melted into your touch, kissing you back with passion. “W-wow, I wasn’t expecting that” she chucked against your lips, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long” you replied as she pulled you in for another kiss. 

“Looks like my job here is done” Hailee smiled, “I’ll leave you two it” she added walking over to the bar. 

“This doesn’t mean you get to skip out on a first date” you smiled once you both pulled away, “I’d love to take you out” Florence returned the smile. 

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @natasha-belova | @jeyramarie | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145  | @sophie-xox | @shin-conan-kun | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @get-the-fuck-outta-here | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 |

[missskzbiased]

The Things We Don’t Tell

Summary: You were sure your life was written and directed to fit a sketchy Rom-Com and nobody could convince you otherwise. First, your boss was too hot to be true, and burning with desire didn’t even begin to explain the tingling sensations he left on you. Second, your coworker (a.k.a. Ex-About-to-be-FWB) insisted in turning your life into a living hell, which wasn’t the exact kind of hotness you were into. And if having these two hot men around you every single day of your life wasn’t enough to prove it, maybe the threat of your slutty secret identity about to be busted would be… But you couldn’t let this happen.

WC: 7,5 K

Genre: Smut, Humor (?)

AUs: Office, Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Bang Chan  

(Not really a love triangle as Hyunjin is the Lead. However, Reader wants to Bang Chan)

Rebloggable Masterlist    //   Main Masterlist   //   Tag List

Warnings: Language, Thigh riding, Public space (Office), Exhibitionism, Possessiveness, Pet Name (Baby girl), Sir Kink  

[If I forgot anything, please let me know! I’m kinda sleepy right now]

Notes: There will be at least one more chapter but I won’t do a tag list post for now, only if someone wants it, cuz I’m too lazy to think about doing it right now. This fic is an attempt to experiment with some writing style things that I’ve been wanting to try. I don’t think it worked, tho SUHAHUSAUHSUHA But that’s life

- I’ll quite possibly change the title in the future-

                                                            ///

  You are a superhero.

    Okay! To be honest, you may be exaggerating a little bit ─ a tiny harmless little bit ─ but that was how you felt every single day of your life, alright? You had this glorious and mysterious side of yours that you hid from everyone else in the world… That mask that you couldn’t let come to the ground and would fight for dear life to protect… That side to your persona that no one was allowed to meet… The fierce, bold, and dark aspects of your soul that—

    “Y/N! I want those papers on my table!”

    “Yes, sir!” You shrieked in an embarrassing (not even slightly bold) way.

    — That you couldn’t show at your work.

    Yeah… So maybe no one actually thought of you as a superhero, but you really believed someone should start to. Was there something that different between your life and those low-budget TV shows people seem to enjoy so much? You didn’t think so.

  To be fair, sometimes you felt like someone wrote a questionable script and poorly directed your life to fit you as the leading lady of a sketchy rom-com. As if they just focused on checking out every point on a bullet list made up with rules for a successful superhero office drama that wasn’t even that good…

    … And speaking of which…

    Rule Number One: The stern (maybe kinda attractive) boss!

    If you had to define Bang Chan with a couple of adjectives, you would choose undeniably beautiful ─ extremely professional of you because the right words to describe him were fucking hot ─ and committed. Fortunately, it wasn’t an “I have someone waiting for me at home and a bunch of kids I must put to sleep” kind of commitment, which would destroy your hopes of having this man one day. Unfortunately, it was an “I’m better than the header and gonna run this company by tomorrow night” kind of commitment, which destroys your hopes of a peaceful day at work.

    Now, it’s not like you don’t want to do your job! It’s just that you didn’t sign up to be Bang Chan’s perfect little toy ─ definitely not the better words to describe it ─ and you didn’t expect to be joined by the hips ─ really? ─ with him or any of your coworkers. The thing is that Bang Chan wants to be on top ─ someone has to stop you ─ and he believes the only way to get there is to work as a team and be as perfect as one can be. In other words, Bang Chan wants absolutely everything and everyone to be neat, tight, and ready to be used ─ again… Not the better way to put your thoughts into words ─, but this just wasn’t who you were.  

    It also wasn’t the point right now.

    The point right now should be the fact that Bang Chan was striding to his office looking like he owned the whole damn place… If this was a movie, the camera would be focusing on his expensive, black leather shoes before scanning all the way up to his waist in slow motion. The scene would zoom in on his fine ass only to go a little bit up and catch the shiny, black belt wrapping around his figure. The outfit didn’t leave much to the imagination, but you had a hell of a productive mind… You could think of a few things you shouldn’t really be thinking about right now.

    Bang Chan didn’t seem to understand he was at work either.

    He rolled his sleeve up in a sexy motion that should be illegal. It isn’t. You can tell by the way there are no cops bursting inside the building and arresting this gorgeous son of a bitch.

    The lack of any authorities to stop this atrocious moment had you lowering your gaze to your desk ─ a vain attempt to ignore the way his forearms flexed as he gestured and ordered people around. If you were a little bit less professional, you would have some ideas of how he could do it in bed. With you. But you weren’t some kind of creepy perv who would be fantasizing about riding your own boss from dusk till dawn.

    Not at all.

    “Do you need me, Sir?” His secretary asks politely.

  A question that you would love to ask him too… In a totally and strictly professional way, of course.

    Rule Number Two: The (extremely unnecessary) nemesis!

    The shiver running down your spine could mean only one thing: Hwang Hyunjin ─ your obnoxious coworker ─ was standing right behind you, just like a bloody damn ghost. There was no need to turn around. You knew he had his mocking eyes glued on Bang Chan’s figure, and you could feel the air shifting as he tilted his head in a silent sneer before leaning on your desk.

    You refused to turn around and acknowledge his presence; painfully aware that he would flash a wide grin while looking at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. You wouldn’t give him the taste of seeing in your face that he was right; that you were staring at your boss as if you were a starving vulture. So you did the only thing you could do in this situation: You started to work. The sheets scattered over your desk wouldn’t walk by themselves to Bang Chan’s room, right?

    And neither would you if it depended on Hyunjin.

    The attempts to swipe the papers in your direction and gather everything you needed ─ to finally get rid of Hyunjin ─ proved to be vain as his hand took root on the desk. You pursed your lips in annoyance while glancing at his prominent knuckles and slender fingers; wondering if he would be so collected if he knew you wanted to crunch them. Probably not. But he gets off so fucking much on upsetting you that he might just want to take the risk anyway.

    “What do you want, asshole?” You hissed; stopping your motions before turning around to stare blankly at him.

    The face of an angel was the most accurate way to describe the sight in front of you. Plump, pink lips molded into a sweet smile and dark brown eyes morphed into cute crescents. None of those features fit his true self, though. Underneath the angelic façade, there was a demon called Hwang Hyunjin ─ who was resting his free hand on your shoulder for no reason besides driving you crazy.

    It would be easier if he was just a pretty face, but Hyunjin had a good body too. The guy looked just like a model ─ slim, tall, and classy ─, and even though only his collarbones peeked out from down his shirt, you knew that there was much more than the eyes could see.

    Well, you never saw it, but you had felt it.

    As far as you could remember, each curve on Hyunjin’s abs was craft by God himself. The way his chest was built for you to caress would be forever craved on your mind. You might never forget how soft his lips were in contrast to his lap… How his thighs flexed just right when you pulled his hair… How reactive he was… How his moans sounded… And how he put everything to waste.

    “Oh, nothing” He shrugged. As usual, his voice was just like sweet, hot honey; still, you could wipe the poison dripping down his chin, “I was just wondering if you had enough time to do your job while fucking your boss inside your head” He clarified sarcastically, cracking you a smile.

    Sometimes you regretted not putting his mouth to good use… He really needed to learn how to shut up for a while and stop being so… Unbearable. The silence he met had him scoffing; body leaning even closer to the point his face was practically hovering over yours ─ smugness plastered all over it. You held his gaze to confront him; breathe mingling with his in a heated mix that matched the anger under your eyes.

    Was he licking his lips as he stared at yours? Oh boy… He definitely wanted to get laid. It was your time to scoff as the frown on your lips turned into a smirk; eyes twinkling mischievously as you looked into his in a silent teasing. As if sensing that he was in trouble, Hyunjin tilted his head to look even more obnoxious than he was; face coming closer to yours to defy your newfound confidence.

     “You know what? If you stared at him any longer, I think his balls might have fallen off…” He whispered in a tone loud enough for just you to hear “Unless he saw the way you were looking at him… Then I guess his dick would go straight up” He assured you with a ‘friendly’ pat on your shoulder as he finally let go of your papers and straightened his back.

    “Are you saying it from experience?” You sneered; grimacing at him.

    “Are you telling me that you want me to fuck you too?” He retorted gibingly; not even thinking twice about it.

    “No” You tilted your head, trying to stay composed, “I’m reminding you that you couldn’t even kiss me without getting a boner… Just like a teenage boy” He arched a brow at your statement; pursing his lips as he hummed in wonder “I’m surprised you never came in your pants like the pathetic thing you are” He laughed; poking his cheek with his tongue before squeezing your shoulder in a silent warning.

    “I must have been quite a sight if you can remember it so vividly” You pretended not to notice the way he sniggered, pushing away the urge to punch his face.

  Nemesis was just a classy way to call him a pain in the ass.

  Rule Number Three: The (plain and uninteresting) secret identity!

  It would be impossible to miss the moment Hyunjin’s devilish smirk morphed into a bright, friendly smile. The snarky comment on the tip of your tongue was swallowed back in a bit; grimace dissolving into a wide grin as if you weren’t about to throw your fists at him. He giggled as his arms spread open before snaking around your body to pull you into a tight hug; holding you close and rocking your body side to side as a soft huff fell from your lips.

    If you didn’t know any better, your knee would be buried between his legs.

  “Way to go, Y/N!” He chirped, loosening his grip to take a better look at your face; eyes smiling as if the both of you were the bestest of friends in the entire world, “You’re awesome! I’m so proud… I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you as my teammate” He pursed his lips; dimples showing as he offered you nothing but affection in his gaze.

    You did know better, though, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out who was standing behind your back as you opened your mouth to answer him: “There’s no one I’d rather be with!” You reassured Hyunjin in a sweet, mirthful tone; tilting your head to return the fondness in his look in an act worthy of an Oscar “We’re a team, you know? You can’t get rid of me so easily” He laughed wholeheartedly at that; ruffling your hair before leaning closer to you again, resuming the hug.

    “We’ll see about that” He whispered in your ear, making you scoff.

    “What are you gonna do? Cry to Daddy so you won’t work with me anymore?” You hissed back; breaking away from his hug with a tight grin before turning around to meet Chan’s gaze.

    The surprise plastered over your face was millimetrically calculated; just like the way you pretended to be flustered as you stared into your boss’ eyes to see the pride shining on them. You brought the papers closer to your chest in what was meant to be an innocent, coy way ─ a technique mastered over the months you worked for him ─, and Chan seemed to fall for it as he giggled in delight. The poor guy had no clue all of this was as fake as your camaraderie towards Hyunjin, and he wasn’t about to discover it anytime soon if it depended on you.

    Luckily, it did! You had taken some acting classes; just enough for your next words to be naturally convincing: “I’m so sorry, Sir! We’re just so happy that –” The words were deliberately drawled to give him enough time to interrupt you. Just like you knew he would. And it was a good thing that he did because you had no idea of how you were supposed to finish that sentence anyway.

    You were a good actress, not a professional improviser.

    “Don’t mention it” He cut you off giggly; detaching himself from the doorframe he leaned on as he watched the friendly scene taking place.

    The amount of cuteness this man could deliver in his smile wasn’t fair, and it didn’t match the sensuality a simple gesture of his overflowed with, enchanting you. You gulped down as he gave both of you a silent order to follow him into his room, wondering if the duality he had in the office was remotely similar to what he could do in bed ─ a thought that shouldn’t be having a place in your mind right now.

    Hyunjin seemed to pick up on it pretty quickly too, and as soon as Chan turned around to head to his office, he bumped his shoulder onto yours. The obnoxious action was followed by your elbow diving into his ribs; a retaliation that took you less than a second and, luckily, Chan ─ or any of your coworkers ─ didn’t seem to notice. Neither of you gave away your silent quarrel as Hyunjin closed the door behind him, smiling at you when Chan finally took his seat.

     “It’s good to see that you guys have such chemistry” He confessed, and you had to suppress a scoff when you looked into his eyes. He had no idea… The chemistry between you two was enough to make you want to blow each other, “You know what I always say, right?” He boasted on a sing-song; much more at ease than he seemed to be earlier.

    You weren’t about to put that on the line, though.

    “You can’t have teamwork if you don’t have a team!” You warbled in unison.

    “That’s the spirit!” Chan gurgled, heading to his desk in a visibly good mood.

    What was going on? He wouldn’t be so happy just because you and Hyunjin were being friendly… Were you missing something? He didn’t seem in such a peaceful state of mind when he came in… It had to be something that happened after that. Perhaps he got some good news from his secretary? Or maybe… You narrowed your eyes as you caught a glimpse of Hyunjin’s hands fidgeting in front of him; his foot tapping the ground rapidly but quietly before moving slightly to step on your toe.

     Or maybe Hyunjin had something to do with it…

    “As I said in the email, Sir, I happened to hear some stuff around and… KQ managed to get an exclusive with Han Jisung” The sentence sounded just like a normal introduction to a report, but you knew it wasn’t. Hyunjin’s eyes darted to meet yours, glinting with anxiety and despair. He was informing you of what was going on, not Chan, “And as we all know, Jisung is a rising producer star, which is bound to raise their sales and might get in the way of ours…” He continued, swallowing dryly and widening his eyes ever so slightly.

    He was definitely trying to warn you of something.

    “Yes, I read the e-mail, Hyunjin” Chan agreed sternly; smile disappearing as his fingers intertwined to serve as a support for his chin. He looked classy and incredibly sexy, but your mind couldn’t afford to focus on it right now. You had to figure out what the hell Hyunjin suggested to Chan before blowing everything up, “You also said that Y/N might have the solution for this…” Oh, so that was it, you thought when Chan arched his brow; eyes connecting to yours.

    And now what?

    “So?” He encouraged you, detaching his chin from his hands so he could rest them on his desk “I’m waiting” He smiled gently; a closed-mouth smile that was supposed to calm your nerves, even though you could see how tumultuous his gaze was right now.

    It was practically a silent threat.

    In a normal situation, the predatory way he was looking at you ─ resembling a wolf when you were nothing but a sheep under his radar ─ would get you… Thinking.

    Your job wouldn’t be at stake in a normal situation, though.

    The pressure on your toes increased; the subtle way Hyunjin found to snap you out of your mind, despite your silence hanging in there for just a few seconds. It was obvious that he was freaking out just as much as you were, and you couldn’t help but blame him for this. Couldn’t he have told you about it earlier? What the hell was going on inside his mind?! Instead of taunting you about wanting to fuck Bang Chan, he should have warned you about that shit!

    That’s not the time for this, Y/N.

    The muscles on your face tensed as you tried to not give away everything going through your mind; lips twisting in a tight smile as you looked at Hyunjin: “Yeah, he was right” You answered calmly, even though your stomach was settled on becoming an Olympic athlete right now, “As I was telling him before coming here, Sir, I have someone in mind…” The relief washed over Hyunjin’s face; a genuine smile adorning his features as he withheld a sigh, “I happen to know I.N, and I think I can get us an exclusive” You confessed, shifting your gaze from Hyunjin to Chan.

    “The writer?” He blurted out, astonishment plastered all over his face.

    “Yeah… They’re a friend of mine…” You trailed off, embarrassed to say it out loud “They’re in the top trending now since their novel will become a drama and…” You cleared your throat, lowering your head to avoid his gaze. There was just so much of acting you could handle for a day, “I mean- It’s… Adult stuff, right? But they never—”

    “I know! That’s perfect!” He beamed, getting up from his chair to walk your way “They’ve never been seen! Nobody knows anything about them, Y/N” He laughed ─ he genuinely laughed ─ while clasping his hands together “Han Jisung is good, but I.N is better! This is hot news… FrontPage… How come you never told me about that?” He chuckled, placing his hand on your shoulder “Rest assured that when I get my promotion, I’m gonna have you right here in this room” He promised you in such a serious tone that a shiver ran down your spine.

    Rule Number Four: The (kinda horny) true self!

    There was not a single soul in the office as you made your way down the hall; eyes focused on the mesmerizing view outside. The sky was colored in purple shades, so deep that you would have mistaken them for black if it weren’t for the dazzling, sleepless city and its dozens of skyscrapers lighting everything up. Not even the full moon would be able to compete with such a beautiful brilliance, but it wouldn’t be necessary either as your gaze was abruptly torn away from the night.

    The darkness surrounding you didn’t allow your brain to connect the dots immediately, and you couldn’t help but wonder what happened when you bumped into something. The surface was much softer than a wall, yet firm enough to have you wincing for the impact; eyes snapping to meet the unlucky bastard that stayed until so late. The moonlight kissed his skin just enough for you to recognize the sharp features of your boss; clenched jaw revealing popping veins that distracted you for a fraction of a second.

     Your eyes trailed the path from his jaw to his neck, and you couldn’t help but wonder how it tasted like; if you could savor it like the sins you wanted to commit with him. The closeness didn’t work in your favor, and the hint of his scent intoxicated your senses as you connected your gazes. Something must have given you off ─ maybe your hesitation, maybe the lust glinting in your eyes ─ because the next second, Cristopher had his hand placed on your lower back.

   The warm sensation grew to a burning feeling as his eyes darkened while diving into yours; his stern, cold gaze contrasting to the feeling of his touch and sending a shiver down your spine. Could he have noticed the way your legs trembled as his grip tightened around you? The look on his face was indecipherable, and the intensity of his gaze made you feel too exposed and vulnerable to keep looking for an answer, so you averted your eyes away from him.

    “Weren’t you supposed to come as soon as you got his answer?” The way his voice made its way to your senses had the embarrassment washing over you. The huskiness in his tone made you gulp down ─ throat dry from thirsting over him ─ and the calmness in his sentence alarmed you as it didn’t match the disapproval in his eyes “It’s so late that there is no one else here anymore” He added nonchalantly; mixed signals getting you confused to what he meant by it.

    Was it just a way to scold you or was it an invitation?

    “I’m sorry, Sir” Despite not having anyone around, you whispered the words as if you could be caught at any moment now, “It took me longer than expected, but we—”

    “We?” His eyes were sharp enough to cut you off but the real reason why you couldn’t manage to finish your thoughts was the way he pulled your body impossibly closer to his “Were you with him this whole time?” He hissed right into your ear, letting his hot breath fan over your cold, sensitive skin in a silent threat.

    “Working” You corrected, even though he didn’t say anything.

    “Working” He hummed in agreement; hand going to tuck your hair behind your ear “As in how we work late at night?” He sneered, manhandling you to press your back against the cold surface of the glass wall that separated his office from the rest of the place “Or is it as in how he wants to work you on his desk?” He scoffed; soft huff almost as degrading as the way he held your cheeks with one hand and guided your eyes to his.

    “Neither” You guaranteed breathlessly; voice quivering in excitement.

    “Are you going to pretend that you didn’t notice his looks?” He narrowed his eyes at you; his knee making its way to the gap between yours before slowly rising to your thighs, “That you don’t know how much he wants to fuck you?” He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head in disbelief, “You better not, ‘cause I know you love it” He warned as he kicked your legs apart.

    “He could never fuck me as you do” There was such seriousness in your tone that it had him chuckling, and he nodded in approval before burying his nose in your neck, “I-I’m yours only, Sir… I know my place” You promised quietly, trying not to give away how aroused his jealousy made you feel.

    “Yeah…” His raspy laughter tickled your skin, and you muffled a whine as he grazed his teeth over your neck teasingly “But you like being reminded of it, don’t you?” He taunted, taking in your scent in a way that made you feel too small and helpless. He groaned as soon as you let a whimper fall from your lips, and you couldn’t help but struggle to stay still while knowing what was about to come, “Do I have to spell it for you, baby girl?” He snickered before sucking on the tender spot of your skin that he knew too well at this point.

    “N-No” Somewhere inside your head, you acknowledged that your reaction was insanely humiliating. He just needed a couple of words spoken in a sultry tone and you couldn’t even form a proper sentence. That was the power he had on you. And you loved it. “Only yours” The rushed tone made him smirk against your neck, stopping his path of kisses for a second to look into your eyes “Sir” You panted; returning his gaze with just as much intensity as he had on his.

    “Claim your place” His order was so tantalizing that you didn’t even blink before you finally let your knees give away, losing the support of your legs to earn the support of his thigh, “That’s right… You do remember your place” Somehow, this sounded like the best praise he could ever offer you, even under his amused tone, “But you have been such a bad girl lately…” He pouted as he caressed your cheek; hand stopping to grab your chin gently “And I don’t like bad girls… You know that, right?” He let his thumb reach for your lower lip, fiercely staring at it before grazing his finger on your teeth.

    Your answer was as silent as his request; tongue welcoming his thumb before you sucked on his digit. He hummed in appreciation, pushing it inside your mouth as you looked at him with big doe eyes to show a coyness that wasn’t really there within you. The action was followed by a swirl around the tip of his finger; as if to leave in his mouth the taste of what he was missing and prompt him to give you what you really wanted: Him.

    If he picked up on your plans, he showed it by giving like for like.

   He didn’t say a word as he pressed his thigh against your heat; leaning closer to let his breath fan over your neck once more. He stood like that for what could have been seconds, maybe minutes, but nonetheless time enough for his warmth to creep into your senses. He was like a poison to you; the intoxicating presence clouding your better judgment and destroying any will you had to have him losing control. You didn’t even mind the way he scoffed as you started to grind his leg; brows twisting to shout out a needy plea for release.

    “That’s a good girl” He approved, catching your earlobe between his teeth. The moan that fell from your lips was muffled by his finger and he didn’t seem to appreciate it, “I don’t hear you, baby girl” He complained, moving on to your jaw with a path of open-mouthed kisses that weren’t enough to distract you from his other hand “There’s no one here… Be loud for me” He allured you as his hand found its way under your shirt.

      The temptation was great… Scream his name as he fucked you senseless in the office... No risk of being caught… Just you, and him, and your dirty little secret…

    Your thoughts were all around the place, and you had no hopes of grasping them back as his cold hand brushed your side, contrasting to the warmth under your clothes. The way he touched you made shivers run down your spine; his slow, delicate motion enhancing your senses to every single second of his caresses. You held your breath when his finger finally managed to reach its destination; grazing over your nipple to have you succumbing to his wishes.

    You fought it as you could, but you were never much of a fighter.

    It was too easy for him to have you under his control, and he knew it. You could tell it by the way he chuckled as soon as you gave away how lost you were at this point. The moan that left your lips came all the way up from your chest, sounding crystal clear in the room as you let your mouth fall agape. Sucking on his finger and following his orders were the last concern you would have for this moment. The only thing worthy of your attention right now was the fact that you couldn’t get as much friction as you needed, and you had to do something about it.

    So you grind on his leg for dear life.

    “You’re so needy” The mockery didn’t have much effect on your mind anymore, so you just kept sliding up and down his thigh as if that was the only thing that could keep you going “You’re not even listening to me, are you?” He huffed in disbelief; thumb leaving your mouth so he could cup your face “That’s all you can understand, right?” He taunted, pinching your nipple to get your attention again, “Are you still there, baby girl?” He leaned closer to whisper in your ear.

      “F-Fuck me” Was the only answer he would get.

      “Manners” He warned; licking the sweet spot next to your jaw.

      “Fuck me, Sir” You corrected yourself; wrapping your arms around his shoulders to look for some support as you practically bounced on his leg, “Please, fuck me, Sir” You repeated, forehead resting on the crook of his neck as you clawed his back, trying to bring him as close as possible to you.

      “Louder” He demanded, and you didn’t need to look at his face to know that he was grinning, “Louder…” He instructed in a tone so low that you could barely hear him over the rustling sounds of fabric against fabric. Your breath hitched as his hand gently caressed your hair; moving some strands away from your face to take a better look at you. However, he didn’t get to see your teary eyes, “Come on, baby… Look at me” He asked in a tantalizing tone, alluring you to try and meet his gaze.

    There wasn’t much you could see through your hooded eyes; vision too blurry for you to grasp what was going on inside his mind. You could tell he enjoyed it, though. He always did. That moment when he could pinpoint you had given up on your control, that you weren’t yourself anymore and would be willing to do whatever he asked… He lived for it, for that rebellious flame of self-control extinguishing from your eyes.

     For who you become when lust overcomes you.        

    The grip on his hair wasn’t unexpected, and Cristopher offered you a small, wicked smile before you connected your lips. The kiss was messy and hurried; tongues exploring every corner they could find while your hands were occupied on getting rid of your clothes. Neither of you cared about anything else but feeling each other’s bodies as you ripped your shirts. The cold breeze hitting your bare skin wasn’t enough to cool down the heat consuming you, but it was enough to have you squirming and whining.

      “Beautiful” Was the only thing he said before pushing your back against the glass and adjusting his grip to take your nipple between his teeth. The groan that escaped your lips was almost animalistic, prompting him to answer with a grunt of his own as he sucked on your skin. The vibrations ran from your flesh to your core, enticing another moan that seemed to fall into deaf ears, “Louder, baby… I want him to hear you…” He pleaded, letting go of your breast just to grope it and give you a kitten lick on the next second “To know who made you like this…” He added before sucking on it again.

    Perhaps it was the fact that he thrust on you, just to tease your senses and make you thirstier. Perhaps it was the fact you had to support yourself on just one leg as he pushed his hips against yours and you tried to seek for your balance by involving his leg with yours. Perhaps it was his hand sliding to meet your clothed core; finger pressing against your clit to add a delicious, needed stimulus for your orgasm.

    Perhaps it was the words that slipped through his lips.

    “W-What did you say?” You panted; hips faltering as you tried to keep riding him, but steading their pace as his finger circled your clit to goad you “M-Mhm… S-Sir” You cried; hand burying in his hair to pull it and translate the utter bliss waving down your body. The string of mewls and urgent pleas spilled from you like a chant, getting him more eager than before, “P-Please” You whined, even though you weren’t sure what you were asking for.

      “Hold it” He ordered; straightening his back to look right into your eyes, but failing as yours rolled back to your head. His hand made its way to squeeze your cheeks, forcing you to look at him with a soft shake to catch your attention “Look at me” It sounded like a warning; stern enough for you to try your best to focus on him, “You’ll only cum when he walks right through that door… Do you understand?” He searched for any signs of stubbornness in your eyes, but his smile showed he didn’t found any.

    “W-Who?” You managed to ask; body trembling as you tried to hold every single string inside your mind in place, even though each one of them was ready to snap and unravel the crashing pleasure that was building up.

    “Why does it matter?” He scoffed, quickening his pace as the unmistakable ring of the elevator sounded on the room “You love being seen, don’t you?” He chuckled, watching as your body shook violently and your knees started to give away to the sensations running down your body.

      “Y-Yes, Sir” You could bet your voice echoed inside the building, and Christopher seemed to agree with you as he grinned in approval.

    “So look at your guest, baby… And scream my name” He instructed, pushing your face to the side. The doors opened slowly, revealing the lights inside the small cubicle right in front of your eyes “Let him know who you belong to” He whispered in your ear; hand pushing your underwear aside so his finger could come in contact with your core.

    The mysterious figure detached from the corners of the metallic walls to finally reveal himself. You met his eyes for a half of a second; enough time for you to recognize the one who worked with you every single day of your life. For the past few years. Someone who would be your partner for years to come, and who would witness and engrave your face in your most vulnerable moment.

    You came hard; probably the most overwhelming orgasm you had ever had in your life. It was impossible to hold back your voice, and you couldn’t help but howl his name; legs shaking and body collapsing into your boss’ arms. You squirmed and whimpered as you tried to recompose yourself; letting him help you ride you out of your orgasm and occupying yourself by staring into your coworker’s shocked eyes.

    “Thank you, Sir…” You breathed out, gripping his arms for dear life while the shame sank into your soul.

    Rule Number Five: The (grateful and satisfied) fans!

    And… Post.

    Oh, well… You did it. Again. There was something about displaying your deepest fantasies for anyone to see that was kinda thrilling to you. Your heart raced inside your chest just like a drum ─ well, if a goddamn drummer decided to do a solo but was too offbeat, to begin with ─ and you couldn’t help but stare blankly at the page without a clue of what to do now. It was out there… Why didn’t anyone say anything yet? Was it that bad? Should you delete it?

    Well… People have to read it before commenting, you know?

    Yeah, right… You just posted it.

    Chill.

    You licked your lips before biting them; feeling the rush that was posting about your boss online when no one else knew about it. If you were being honest, the best part of this wasn’t having the chance to live your fantasies throughout your writing. No. The best part was knowing that only you knew the true identity of Christopher… Or what you really wanted to do to him while he walked down the hallway. The best part was that no one would ever figure out that you were the author of the bestselling novel of the moment… That this steamy romance between boss and employee was nothing but your rawest desire.

     Who would think that the boring, shy girl from the office would be a smut writer? Who would think that you would have a horny, interesting secret identity? No one else but you.

      And this was priceless.

     Or maybe… It was priceless.

    As far as you knew, every single thing you cherished about being a secretive horny bitch could go down the drain tomorrow. It would be all fine if it was just a… Well, actually everything would suck. How would you look at Chan’s face if he knew you were writing about having sex with your boss while he was your boss? What would you do if they decided to fire you because of it? What would you do with your life from now on?!

     Don’t panic, Y/N.

    You had everything under control… Tomorrow morning you would be going to Jeongin’s house and interview him as if he were you. No one would ever suspect you after that. You would save your ass, Hyunjin’s ass, and Chan’s ass. And that was it. The perfect plan. Nothing to worry about. Just trust Jeongin to follow your script and make sure everything would go as planned.

    Flawless. Totally safe. Perfect.

    That’s right…

    You just need to take a deep breath and rela—

    The sudden sound caught you off guard; eyes focusing on the screen once again so you could understand what was going on. All of your worries vanished away as soon as you saw the notification on the top of it; announcing that you had just got a message from a fan.

     Finally!    

    The weasel icon was so familiar that you chuckled while opening the message; a smile plastering over your face as you let your eyes wander around the words. There was nothing more fulfilling to your writer ass than seeing the way Weasel always had something to say about your story. Sometimes, he’d give you some feedback on your style. Other times, he’d freak out about how much he wanted to “try those things out”, as he usually said. There were also times when he’d just get excited over the characters and their conflicts, which always got you laughing.

    It was fun to talk to Weasel.

    He was just as mysterious as you… There was no name to his face, and also no face to his icon, but both of you were friends anyway. He had been keeping up with your stuff from such an early stage that it felt natural to have him around and getting his feedback. It was so comfortable, that you didn’t even mind when he slid in your DMs, embarrassed to let anyone else know that your smut made him… Feel things. There was no need to elaborate on what he did about those feelings or those things. But it was kinda hot to know he enjoyed himself throughout your fantasies.

      His fantasies.

    Well… For the number of times that you used them to write your stories, it was some sort of shared fantasies by now. As a matter of fact, you never intended to make Christopher a jealous character but Weasel made the idea seem too hot for you to ignore. Sometimes, he’d open up about that girl from his work that he really liked and how jealous he was of the guy she liked and then… Well, it felt… Interesting.

    The thought of being desirable to the point a guy would want to claim you as his like this? Not that Weasel did it. He actually just mentioned that he hoped she was into this as a kink. You couldn’t help but picture the way he would touch her in such a greedy way… The possessiveness blinding him for a second… The grip tightening… The mean words and the humiliation… Oh, the sweet humiliation that would crush you as he whispered how much you would cum for him… How he was the only one who could make you like that… How he would ask you to say his name… To tell him that you were his…

    You could drink holy water and still be shaking just by picturing it.

    “That was such a good chapter… I didn’t expect you to use her friend like that. I thought it was a given that she’d end up with Chris” You read out loud, chuckling when he reached for your DMs to talk to you “Will we get a threesome or something, miss? 😏” He joked on the next line and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at this “I’m waiting for it”

    “You’re just a horny bitch, aren’t you?” You typed, smirking as you stared at his messages “No spoilers for you, though, baby boy… You’ll have to wait like everybody else” Teasing him was always funny, and he never failed to amuse you.

      “I’m not the one writing porn online” He pointed out, and before he could write anything else you shot him.

    “Yeah but you’re the one getting off to it” You retorted, getting a whole set of gasping and shocked emotes that had you laughing.

    “I have no words to express how offended I am” You chortled, shaking your head in disbelief.

     “Alright, Drama Llama” Why was it so fun to mock him? You wished you could actually meet him offline and banter like this in real life “To fill your horny ass, I might write a dom!reader next time… I was thinking about torturing the 2nd lead a bit”

    “First of all… I don’t think I want my ass filled, thank you for offering tho” Why was he like this? “And I was just joking” You frowned at that, confused by what he meant “Don’t you think that a threesome doesn’t go along with the characters? Her friend likes her a lot and Christopher is just a kinky son of a bitch… I thought he’d just show him that she was his and be an ass as usual”

    “What do you have against Chris, dude?” You rolled your eyes, although he wouldn’t be able to see it, “He’s way better than her friend! At least, he does something about her”

    “I have the 2nd male lead syndrome! You know that!” You chortled, very aware of this, “And isn’t that the perfect opportunity for him to do something about it?! I mean… I don’t want to be nosey but having a threesome is way out of character for them” He pointed out, and you had to admit he was right.

    “No, you’re not nosey…” You sighed; shoulders dropping for a second “It’s just that I’m upset about something that happened at work today and you know that projecting my problems on those characters is my thing” You pursed your lips, staring at the keyboard for a few seconds before deciding to continue “Besides, I’m about to spend an entire day with a guy that kinda inspired the 2nd lead and… I don’t really want to think about a sex scene with him, you know?” You confessed.

    “But thinking about torturing and having a threesome with him is easy” He mocked you.

      “That’s because that threesome would never happen” You sent it before you could think about what you had just written.

    “Ooohhhh!” Holy shit… The amount of emotes he had just dumped on that chat couldn’t be a good sign, “So having sex with this guy is something you want?! And that could happen?! ” Great, now you would have a Drama Llama-Weasel trying to get some juicy gossip about your inexistent sex life… WORSE! Your sex life with your nemesis! “Why don’t you go for it? I’m sure he’s into you if he’s anything like his character” Poor thing… He had no idea.

    “Shut up, it’s not like that” You brushed it off.

    “If you say so” You could almost hear him snickering, even though you didn’t know how his voice sounded like “I’ll just have you regretting this for the rest of the night” You snorted, shaking your head in disbelief. He was unbearable! “I have work early tomorrow but I’m gonna come back with questions, Miss… Wait for me”

    “What I meant is that it’d be easier to happen than having a threesome, not that I want it to happen, moron” You defended yourself but he didn’t even get to read it as he logged off right away.

      Great… He would never let you live it down.

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[ushidoux]

Power Struggle - Ushijima x Reader

Summary: You’re set up on a blind date with a man who might just be your match.  (~5.1k words)

Warnings: fem pronouns, fem!reader, blind date, exhibitionism, public sex

A/N: Part of @cherrytenko​’s CEO collab! Surprisingly this is possibly the longest fic I’ve written as a oneshot and it’s a little softer than I expected it to be but please enjoy!

---

It’s about half past 6pm when you add the final touch to your makeup, a smear of matte lipstick (Rouge Hermes #48, to be exact), to your lips.

It’s not often that you’re able to leave work early but your mother and father had called you from overseas in the late afternoon, interrupting their own third honeymoon, to remind you of your final meeting for the day - 

A date.

“I know you hate these things, but just go! You might like what you see,” your mother insisted over video chat, her voice muffled by the sound of wind whipping past her as she and your father cruised along on a shaky speedboat they’d purchased just for the day. You weren’t completely sure where they were, only vaguely aware that they were somewhere around Jeju Island, and not exactly sure why they still had phone service, but you weren’t going to ask too many questions.

“No obligation!” Your father adds, just out of view and yelling slightly. 

Sure, never any obligations.

As you smack your lips in the mirror to smooth out the lip color, giving yourself a brief once-over to decide whether or not you feel the need to adjust your hair or if you will wear falsies or not, you frown ever so slightly, then let out a sigh.

You hate this. 

This is the third “meeting” they’ve arranged for you this month, and they’d been at this for almost six months overall by now. This search for a ‘suitable husband’ was getting stale -  not to mention, time-consuming - and you weren’t sure you would be willing to appease your parents any longer.

In fact, you weren’t exactly sure you were interested in a partner anymore. The clock would hit thirty any moment now, and the math of falling in love, getting married, having kids, and still heading a successful company no longer seemed to be adding up. You didn’t know how exactly to tell your sweet parents who were the picture of domestic bliss that they’d probably have to give up on the idea of grandchildren, and consider raising puppies instead.

Regardless, for the time being, you could still bother to meet this stranger for dinner.

There’s a clasp seal envelope atop your dresser - a portfolio that had been left on your desk by your father’s assistant at the beginning of the week - that still seems entirely too formal for the process. This is matchmaking, not a job application, was the first thought that came to mind once you realized the envelope held a set of photos, a resume and an admittedly curt but formally written statement reminiscent of a cover letter.

Ushijima Wakatoshi, the signature at the bottom of the letter read in an extremely neat script. He must be particularly organized and detail-oriented.

There were two pictures, one that looked almost like a passport photo and the other much more relaxed, where he was dressed casually in a t-shirt and pressed jeans, standing with his arms crossed beside a redheaded man whose smile was wide and infectious, his arm around his neck. You wondered if he picked those photos himself. 

You’d perused the first photo much more carefully because you could see more of his face. He’s quite handsome, you’d admitted, the faintest warmth in your cheeks, but he seemed awfully uptight. For one, the look on his face was very neutral, not bothering to smile. He was clean shaven and his hair was close cropped at the edges, a woody brown that paired well with serious olive eyes. You wondered if he ever laughed out loud, and what he looked like when he did.

The taxi driver is prompt and waiting outside of the high-rise in which you live by the time you make your way down the elevator. The click of your heels is loud on the tile as you make your way past the revolving doors. As you slip into the back of the car, you wonder if you’re dressed too professionally. You may have forgone the women’s pantsuit, but you’re still wearing a feminine pantsuit-esque ensemble in a creamy beige - pink would have seemed too ditzy, white would have seemed a bit too innocent (not to mention risky) and yellow too juvenile.

You’re not sure why you’re thinking so hard about this, but really years of paying attention to your appearance in public, not being taken seriously because you’re pretty and young and your personality is more bubbly than bossy puts you on your guard, especially when it comes to first impressions.

The location appears to be an upscale sushi restaurant, the type that you have to call ahead for months to get a reservation unless you have some kind of special arrangement with the owner. A staff member checks you in and brings you to the back to a private room, and as you pass through the dimly lit hallway, clutching your purse a little too securely, a scene from a yakuza movie comes to mind.

“Your room, madam,” the young man nods and motions you to enter a room that is brightly lit enough that it is almost blinding, large and round as though you were in a fishbowl yourself. You look up and notice that even the ceiling is curved. Elaborate paintings hang off the wall. 

He’s not here.

You glance at the attendant and he raises his eyebrows as though he is expecting you to say something. You must look surprised, and continue to look so as you remove your shoes to sit at one of the thin mattresses set before the low table.

You wish you’d worn stockings perhaps, tucking your bare feet beneath you in a casual seiza position. You can’t recall the last time you’ve been this traditional/formal, and the thought of a man you barely know already knowing what your feet look like bare bothers you just a bit. 

The attendant pours water and then tea for two wordlessly and slips out of the room. 

Your heart pounds once you’re finally alone. Why is this so intense? 

You fidget nervously with the thin silver necklace you are wearing, looking for a menu. There is none so far. Just square plates, both chopsticks and forks (odd for sushi, you think), and a steaming cup of tea set right next to a sweltering crystal glass of ice cold water. Opposites.

For a fleeting moment, you actually wonder for once if this man will like you. 

“My apologies, Ms. ___.”

You’re startled by a rich voice, a tiny gasp revealing that you’re more spooked than you realize, and your eyes shift towards the direction of the sound to see what looks like your date finally arriving in a hurry. 

You instinctively readjust yourself onto your knees to look formal, then realize you should probably stand instead, but before you can get up he waves you to sit back down, now settling down himself across from you.

“I had intended to arrive early but quite a few things happened at the company to make that unfeasible.”

He said this while removing a suit jacket in a way that was in no way intended to be sexy, not at all, then let out what sounded like a single, semi-nervous chuckle. 

Wordlessly, you replied with a nod, transfixed as you compared photography to reality. The photos didn’t do him justice, not at all. The suit jacket was picked up quickly by a waiter who you had forgotten was still in the room.

Ushijima extended an arm to you across the table, intending to shake your hand.

“Did you wait long?” He asks as you shakily take his hand for a handshake that consumes your hand almost entirely in his large one.

You shake your head, then embarrassed when you realize you aren’t using your voice, and add, “No, I didn’t wait long...”

“Are you hungry?” He replies, quickly. Your instinct is to say no, no you didn’t need anything, especially not from him, but you are pretty sure your stomach would growl loudly any minute now, and you’d only look like a fool. 

Ushijima glances at the waiter, who finally hands the two of you menus.

“Please order anything you like.”

You look down, swallowing hard again, and for a moment it is difficult to focus on the unnecessarily elaborate handwriting on the menu.

Something about him already grates on your nerves and you couldn’t exactly pinpoint what. You could forgive people for being late, and you were used to people being a little forward, but something about the way he was both familiar and unfamiliar in the way he spoke to you seemed to veer into patronizing behavior. 

Why wasn’t he nervous? Every man you’d sat across from in the past half a year had just a little waver in their voice when they spoke to you at some point, even those who had started off boasting their fancy degrees and their villas and their large bank accounts. 

But he sits perfectly still, all broad shoulders, gently wafting cologne, and a gaze that is both disconcerting and impartial, so you don’t know what to think. 

When you look up from the menu to him, his eyes are still heavily focused on you, and you can’t really fault him. There’s nothing else to look at in this room, after all.

You take this opportunity to tease him. No man has ever intimidated you before and this one is no different.

“Are you going to order anything? I barely saw you look at the menu.” Your voice is light and coquettish and it implies, all you’re doing is staring at me.

“I already know my order. I’ve been here enough times,” he replies, immune to the playfulness in your voice. You watch him roll up his sleeves as he answers, and take note of the shape of his hands as he takes a sip of tea.

Maybe you’re the one staring.

“Would you like a recommendation?” He offers as he sets the cup down. 

You shake your head no, and wonder again why you’re making gestures instead of talking. He smiles as though he can read your mind.

Once the waiter takes your orders and leaves the room, you’re left in silence, facing your would-be partner. It’s a stalemate of sorts and you lose, asking the first personal question.

But you ask it semi-clinically, refusing to lose the upper hand. You’re not sure why there’s an upper hand, but there is, and it will be yours.

“I read a little about your company before arriving. You gave me quite a few details, which I appreciated,” you state, turning your head to the side politely to take a sip of tea yourself. “You’ve done very well for yourself as CEO,” you add.

His eyes don’t crinkle from the flattery. “My employees do great work at all levels so it’s only natural that there would be positive growth,” he replies matter-of-factly.

You smile politely, but this answer doesn’t give you very much information about him. He’s shifting the success away from him, you remark, however he accepts the compliment as though expected. Is this genuine humility or arrogance?

You lean very slightly forward, just enough to see if he’ll take the opportunity to glance down your blouse, as other suitors have invariably done. He doesn’t, and you proceed to ask the next question.

“What do you do outside of work?”

His eyebrows raise, and you wonder if it’s because he realizes you are pretending you didn’t read that section on his application, but he answers anyway.

“I don’t have very much free time, as you are probably aware, but I garden and paint. And of course, I like to keep fit through team sports.”

A quick look at him makes that last part quite clear. You clear your throat slightly and then it is silent again. It’s not exactly an uncomfortable silence, but it’s not comfortable either.

Just as you wonder why he isn’t asking you any questions, he suddenly speaks up.

“Pardon me if this sounds inappropriate, but you’re beautiful. Why would you need a matchmaking service?”

You’re taken aback, and while your brain is scrambling for understanding of what his intentions are, he adjusts his sitting position so that he’s cross-legged with both hands on his knees and lets out a sigh before continuing.

“You’re also accomplished and clearly articulate. I don’t imagine you’d have trouble finding a partner through more organic means.”

It seems like there are a million butterflies that suddenly inhabit the small space in the pit of your stomach. Again, you’re at a loss for words, something that is rare for someone as opinionated and cordially fierce as you.

Should you be offended? It’s almost as though he’s asking what’s wrong with you?

He asks frankly, “Why a blind date?”

You want to ask him the same question, but you hear the waiter return and you fall silent, letting the butterflies in your stomach die down.

---

“I-is this the first time - ah - you’ve done this?”

You’re no longer laid out on the tatami like you were just an hour earlier, Ushijima nibbling on your lower lip and your collarbones instead of the overpriced, high-quality fish that sat atop your table, but now laid under him, spread eagle save for the hands you use to hold on to his shoulders as he slowly and deliberately thrusts inside you. 

Your voice is breathy and catches in your throat every time he moves, but you have to know. How often has he ended up like this?

The heat that fills your whole body now isn’t just from the shame of letting a stranger fondle your body in an upscale restaurant, it’s because Ushijima somehow knows exactly where and how to touch you, as though he’s always known. His fingers have traveled your body like a hiker on a well-beaten path, from the softness behind your earlobes to your squishy center and back, and now have settled into a hold that is firm yet gentle on your hips. 

When he replies “no” with immense honesty, his mouth sinks into the crook of your neck and he goes just deep enough that you don’t have time to factor this new information into your impression of him.

So instead you savor the thickness that fills you and the strength that holds you close, the soft grunts that fill your ears before they get drowned out by your equally loud whimpers and moans.

---

You don’t spend the night, partially out of shame that Ushijima bedded you so quickly and partially because you have a full schedule for the next morning. The parting of ways is brief and awkward and you seem to feel it more acutely than he does.

“I enjoyed our time, Miss ___,” he offers. You’ve dressed up faster than he has so you find yourself unwittingly ogling at the expanse of his sculpted chest and the flex of his muscles as he redresses. You’re almost sad to see him cover up.

You nod and walk out of the room, trying your best to hide the fact that your legs feel far too wobbly to be walking on these heels.

---

“Miss ____?”

Your eyes widen as you realize you’ve been daydreaming through a meeting with the board of trustees and now the wrinkled old men who hated the fact that your father thrust you into leadership you “didn’t deserve” are staring at you with disgruntled expressions.

“Oh, um,” you think quickly, recalling where the presentation left off and glancing quickly at the notes you’d jotted down on a notepad before wondering why Ushijima hadn’t called or texted since you met two weeks ago.

“Um?” The most senior of the group repeats, and your stomach turns for a moment before you steel yourself. He bares his teeth every time he’s displeased with you and you get the impression of an ancient and disgruntled wolf. 

You clear your throat loudly, and settle back in your chair, crossing your legs and your arms over your chest.

“I have some disagreements with the current approach, but I’ll start with the pertinent positives,” you start.

---

“Was the sex at least good?”

Your best friend from high school glances at you briefly, as you face forward on the Peloton you are riding side by side with her. She’s much less out of shape than you are given that she also is your personal trainer and thus rides hers effortlessly, taking some time to wait for you to respond.

You begrudgingly say yes.

“Wow, for once someone dropped you before you could drop them!” She teases in a sing-song voice. You would slap her on the shoulder if she was close enough and if you weren’t out of breath. It stings just a little bit that you’ve heard nothing from him nor the matchmaking company and don’t have a good response to tell your parents aside from I guess we didn’t click.

“He’s missing out, though.”

“Yeah, no shit,” you huff, and cycle faster. No hard feelings.

---

Scratch that, there were absolutely going to be hard feelings now that he was not just fucking with you but also with your livelihood.

Admittedly, it was strange that despite the fact that your companies had never crossed paths until now despite working in the same consumer domain but this was unacceptable.

You’d opened an email that had just slipped into your peripheral vision as you worked on reviewing a couple of interns’ executive summaries, only to find that Ushijima might have just royally fucked you over.

A curt email from a crucial business partner read,

We apologize but we’ve decided to move forward with Ushijima Industries instead. I understand that this is last minute, but we believe that it will be mutually beneficial to discontinue our relationship at this point in time.

Your blood boiled. What the fuck was this?

Your phone rang, one of your team leaders calling immediately and likely looking at the email at the same time you were. He apologized profusely.

“What happened?”

“It seems like they just showed up and offered twice as much as we offered them last minute.”

This bastard. Then in a moment of horror, you wondered if this was your fault, if you had blabbed a little while slightly tipsy off of sake, and revealed that you had this acquisition in the works.

Voice smaller now, you asked, “So we can’t do anything to woo them back?”

“No, I don’t think so. I just have to make sure our other deal doesn’t fall through,” the slightly frantic man answered, the sounds of keyboard keys clicking rapidly heard in the background of the call. 

“Okay, thank you for your hard work,” you stated. “I’ll see what I can do,” you replied with a click. 

Maybe calling someone who’d ghosted you as you drove home, fuming and irritated, wasn’t the best idea, but you needed to confront him somehow. The idea of being bested in more ways than one was too much to bear.

The phone rang once, twice, then three times, and you were getting angrier with every tone through the car speaker. You hung up in frustration.

How embarrassing.

You made it home still irritated, indulging yourself in a relaxing bath to quell your anger. By the time you had soaked for close to an hour, you were mad at yourself for reacting impulsively and now having your number in his phone as a missed call… if he recognized it anyway.

It turns out he did.

“Ms. ___, did you call me earlier? I wasn’t able to make it to the phone in time.”

His voice was even lower on the phone, a slightly gravelly quality making you wonder if he’d actually been napping or just had a smoke. You couldn’t imagine him doing either of these things.

“What kind of game are you playing, Mr. Ushijima?”

There was a bit of hesitation on the phone, and you let out a sardonic laugh once he replied, as expected, “What?”

“How did you know about that deal other than what I told you?”

He paused again, and you too, stood still, a towel wrapped around your still dripping body.

“I assure you, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he then said, carefully. “I, uh… assume you were calling about something else.”

You grit your teeth. What the fuck else? The fact that he sounded genuinely confused only served to aggravate you further.

“Did you or did you not use the information I gave you to intercept my deal with MNY?”

Finally the lightbulb went on.

“Oh, that was you. Hm.”

If you’d been talking in person, you probably would have slapped him at this point. Or at least considered it.

“I didn’t know you were our competitor in that aspect. I… probably would have reconsidered if I had known.”

“Excuse me?”

That tone of over-familiarity, patronizing… the care when you’re not supposed to care was back and you realized you regretted this phone call. 

“How would it be any different? Are you implying that you’d let me win?”

“No, of course not, I…” He trailed off. “Would you like to come over to my apartment and talk? I can give you my address, I would rather talk in person.”

Why? So I can get over there and end up fucking you again?

“I respectfully decline,” you answered curtly, and hung up, tossing your phone onto your bed and letting out an aggravated sigh. 

---

The next morning, you leave an early executive meeting only to find that your office had been overrun with flowers between the hours of 7 to 8 am.

There are yellow roses, stating admiration, spilling out of an oversized bouquet on your desk and a separate bouquet of light red carnations and white camellias that imply that he finds you ‘adorable’. A white card is placed in the yellow bouquet, and on it is written Ushijima’s neat script - you realize it’s from him before you even finish reading the note.

I would like to see you again. Please accept my call around 6 pm.

Respectfully, 

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Your hands hover over the wastebasket in your room with the flowers in your arms, but instead you sigh, and stuff them behind you on your shelf. At least you won’t have to see them while you work, but they’re pretty. They’re clearly bought from a floral shop, but you recall that he had said he gardened in his free time.

Ushijima calls promptly at 6 pm and you let it ring twice before deciding to block his number just as he’s calling. Something about the action is satisfying. 

You can’t be won over with a couple of flowers and kind words. Women aren’t as easily swayed as he may think.

---

It’s another Friday, and surprisingly you haven’t been contacted for a blind date, whether it’s by your parents or the matchmaking service they’ve subscribed you to.

Maybe they’d gotten the message after you’d been ghosted that you were tired of this game. Maybe they were giving you a break. Maybe they’d run out of potential suitors. You were surprised, but not upset.

Ushijima had truly gotten under your skin.

After blocking his call, there were no more attempts at contact for the rest of the week. The only thing left to consider was that if you ever crossed paths in your careers, you would pay him back for snatching your investor. 

And snatching your dignity in the process.

It was about 4 pm and most of the employees were wrapping up their tasks for the day. You usually aimed to have everyone out by 5, especially on Friday so this was boding well. 

“Hey, Madam President, are you okay with an add-on?” You hear your secretary call from outside your door.

“Oh, I mean, I guess but-”

She’s already letting Ushijima through the door.

You smile sweetly, maintaining professional behavior as best you can, while your secretary leads him to an armchair across from you, up until she exits, your expression souring the moment she closes the door.

“Mr. Ushijima, what are you doing in my office?”

He’s settled into the chair so comfortably that it feels as though you’re in his office, not your own. He’s dressed more casually than he was at the restaurant, no suit jacket, just a brown V-neck sweater over a dress shirt that almost seems too tight and a pair of chinos. He’s also wearing a pair of glasses, which is new. 

You hate that he looks good.

“Apologizing and requesting your company.”

He looks at you sincerely, his hands clasped together in his lap. You narrow your eyes.

“Please leave.”

He actually frowns, and the small action actually surprises you. 

“Do you actually want me to leave or are you still upset about the investor? Because if it’s that, we can make an arrangement-”

“No, I’m upset because you did that after not following up after our one night stand!” You finally blurt out, then bite your lip realizing you might have said too much.

“I… got busy.”

“Busy screwing me over?” You quip.

He runs a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture.

“I didn’t call because I thought you didn’t like me.”

You’re a little stunned by this reply, then decide you don’t believe him. What was there not to like? At least at that point he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Why would you think that?”

His hands leave his hair again and rest on his knees. You notice it seems like a default position for him. 

“I’ve been referred to as ‘stiff’. It’s great at work but not great for relationships.”

Ushijima’s brutal honesty is again sending you for a loop. You raise an eyebrow, bidding him to continue. Your arms uncross and you rest your elbows on the table.

“So…?”

“So usually by the time I’ve had sex with someone, it’s all they’re after. And since you didn’t call, I assumed even the sex wasn’t good.”

You unwittingly burst into laughter. Here was this successful, attractive man with a perfect pedigree who was insecure about how good he was in bed?

His eyebrows furrow, and you recollect yourself, realizing that this is a bit cruel.

“You could have sent a text,” you murmur.

“I’m bad at starting conversations.”

You stifle another laugh. “So you just don’t?” You tease. It’s gently mocking but mostly incredulous. It seems that he’s the opposite of the confident man he appears to be.

“That’s why I got excited when you called but then you were upset.”

You purse your lips.

“I promise I didn’t intend to put you in a bad situation,” Ushijima insists.

You sigh, then offer him a small smile. “Are you normally this persistent?”

He glances at the flowers that are only partially hidden from view, which makes your face warm up bashfully, and then looks right back at you.

“No. I just like you.”

Again with the directness, a confidence that is effortless, even when he’s not confident at all.

You don’t want to melt but you do. So instead you rise and clear your desk, stuffing a few items into your handbag as you prepare to leave. He watches, unsure of what you’re up to, sitting still as you walk around towards him and place your hand lightly on his shoulder.

Your body faces the door, but you turn to the side to look at him and grin.

“I’m done with work for today. Take me out.”

---

A couple months later...

“Fuck, you’re - ah - they’re gonna know, I-” Your voice morphs into a mewl instead once his ring finger reaches just the right spot; you’re squirming as much as possible under his touch but he has you laid back on your work desk with both ankles rested on his shoulders and his weight leaning onto you to essentially keep you in place.

“Move your hands,” Ushijima whispers in a hushed tone, leaning in to kiss between your breasts as he readjusts your legs atop him. His pants are down and his cock is already up and ready, the base and swollen balls rubbing against your wet cunt that you are desperately trying to protect from his intrusion. You know there’s absolutely no way you’ll stay quiet when he’s pounding the shit out of you, he likes it entirely too rough, and the walls are thin. You don’t listen, continuing to reach for his hands to swat them away from you.

There’s a part of you that is almost certain that at the very least your secretary knows that every time Ushijima comes for a ‘meeting’, it really is just to fuck the shit out of you before you leave together for the evening, or to relax you right before you once again have to defend your dad’s establishment of you as Company President.

This isn’t a good look.

“I-I can’t…” you whine.

“You can,” he assures you.

He gently kisses your face before prying your hands out of the way and keeping them pinned up against you with one hand and guiding his trajectory with the other before sinking inside of you. You moan at the breach of your privates and he quickly presses his lips to yours to swallow the sound.

Once he’s bottomed out, he rolls his hips, and soon you start to see white once you climax, clenching and cumming around him.

“T-Toshi!” You moan his name, and he clasps a large hand around your mouth before continuing, picking up the pace as he fucks you through your orgasm. He can’t deny that he likes the fact that you’re noisy, that the fact that the heavy desk he’s fucking you against is making a squeaky noise that suggests he’s really putting some force behind these strokes, and that if anyone could see the two of you now, it could be an issue for both of your corporations. Misconduct, they would call it.

He doesn’t care and while you act like you do, you don’t really care either. 

When he lets go of your wrists to use the edge of the desk as leverage and tilts backwards, you scream in pleasure, a terribly obvious sound, and it’s enough to have him tip over and spill into you with a groan. He collapses onto you and the two of you almost slip onto the floor, but don’t; you wrap your arms around him. 

Your hair is disheveled and so is his, and your legs are sticky with sweat and cum. You sigh, letting him soften inside you and stroke his hair.

“You’re getting me in trouble,” you murmur, and he lets out a breathy laugh.

“We don’t really have to answer to anyone, do we?” He replies with a smirk, and pecks you one more time on the lips.

He’s right - only you two are a match for each other.

[matwith1t]

A/N: Back with angst 👊 Fair warning, this fic is pure angst. All of it 🔪 It’s heavily inspired by Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, and it’s the fic where I project my fear of staying stagnant in life (oops). I have a somewhat working outline for a part 2, but I’d love to know your thoughts!! Also, this fic has a brief smut scene, so if you’re not 18+ hop on over to my masterlist for something else !

Summary: Your long-term relationship with Mat brought you more happiness than anything else in the world. But one day, something in your gut felt different, an emotion that you couldn’t quite place felt off. And maybe, that feeling was the catalyst for you wanting a change in life.

MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂 | Mat Barzal x Reader

Warnings: Anxiety, Smut, Swearing // WC: 11.2K // Angst

The sun felt warm against your face and the grass beneath you tickled your ankles. With the month of May nearing its end, the sweet smell of spring could still be detected in the air during the seasonal transition to summer. From a distance, the soft sounds of children laughing while running through the park tugged your lips upward into a small smile.

A sense of ease flooded your body as you laid directly on the grass with your arms tucked behind your head. The vital force that came with being outside in the springtime energized your body to the point where you felt your body produce more natural endorphins. You treasured the outdoors––it would always remain a sacred place for you––but as you laid upon the grass, an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach clawed its way up at a deliberately slow, and unwarranted, pace.

It felt like a secret message your body was trying to communicate with you, but you didn’t have the tools on how to decode it.

The feeling came in and out, like ocean tides, but you did your best to push it aside when the uneasiness surfaced. So far, everything in your life had been smooth sailing––everything had been going according to plan––so you never paid that feeling any attention.

There wasn’t anything in your life that you wanted to change.

With a deep breath, you tried to inhale as much of the fresh spring air as possible.

“Hey, sleepy.”

With one eye squinted open, you brought a hand from behind your head to shield the sun rays from blinding your face. And when your vision adjusted to the sunlight, you saw your boyfriend at an upside down angle. In his arms he held a blanket as he waved down at you. A smile instantly graced your lips as you shut both of your eyes, before opening them slowly.

As Mat shook out the blanket before spreading it out on the grass, you sat up, and stuck your legs straight out, “You’re a bit late.”

Without looking at you, Mat rolled his eyes, “Practice ran late.”

When the blanket was laid out on the grass, Mat sat down and patted the spot next to him. With a smile, you made your way to sit next to him. Your smile widened when you saw he already had an arm raised for you to tuck yourself into his side.

“It was a morning practice,” you looked up at him through your eyelashes, “It’s nearly four in the afternoon.”

With adoration in his eyes shining just as bright as the spring sun, you felt yourself fall more in love with him. His hand dangled over your shoulder as he  lazily traced circles on your upper arm, “Tito wanted ice-cream.”

A laugh of amusement, mixed with disbelief, escaped your lips as you placed both hands on his chest to push him away, “You liar.”  

With your shove, Mat tightened his arm around your shoulder as the two of you fell backward on the blanket laughing. As you laid on your side, Mat readjusted his arm around you, with your head on his shoulder. His sweatshirt felt soft, and his chest continued to shake with laughter.

“Practice did run late,” Mat reiterated his first point, to which you only hummed in acknowledgement, “And then Tito said he wanted ice-cream, but he wanted to go to this specific shop.” Mat placed a kiss on your temple, “Would’ve told him to go alone if I knew how much time it’d take.”

Again, you hummed, as you rested a hand on his stomach, “Did you at least tell your boyfriend that your girlfriend said hi?”

Mat scoffed at your remark and poked your stomach in retaliation. You laughed at his childish behavior and moved a bit down the blanket so your head now rested just below his heart. He pulled you closer to him, and with your face nuzzled into his sweatshirt, you took a deep breath and savored how much his sweatshirt smelled like home to you.

He smelled almost as good as spring.

The hand that you had on his stomach rose up and down with his even breathing. And as you laid outside on the grass, surrounded by the spring air and the person you loved most in your life, you felt nothing but peace. Comfortable silence wasn’t uncommon in your relationship. While his voice soothed your most anxious thoughts… hearing the birds sing their melodies, listening in on the slight rustle of tree leaves whenever the wind blew, and the sound of steady breathing, paired with Mat’s slightly faster heartbeat, was more calming than anything.

“I can’t wait until that’s us.”

You peered up at Mat to see his vision locked in on something to his right. In order to see what he was referring to, you propped your chin up on his chest. It didn’t take you long to see that something was really a someone. And upon squinting to get a better look, that someone turned out to be a man, woman, and a child.

Your only response to him was a hum as you traced shapes on his stomach, hoping that your touch was strong enough to distract him from the conversation you knew he was about to bring up.

“I love you,” his words were strong, not faltering in the slightest, as he stared down at you with a promising look in his eyes. He picked up your hand––ultimately putting a stop to what you had hoped would distract him from this exact conversation––and pressed a delicate kiss to your knuckles, “So much.”

Mat gently placed your still connected hands on his stomach as you craned your neck up to press a kiss to his cheek, “I love you, too.”

He squeezed your hand twice, a look of amazement in his eyes as he stared up at the sky with a soft smile, “In a few months, It’ll be six years since we’ve been together.”

Your head softly fell back onto his chest as you nodded. Because while you’ll be celebrating six years of officially being in a relationship, the two of you had known each other much longer. He was the annoying kid at the end of the cul-de-sac who chased you around front yards and threatened to give you cooties. And you were the little girl who ran away from him, pretending to be disgusted whenever he got too close, but secretly loved his attention.

And that’s when your crush on him began.

From playing group games with other kids at neighborhood block parties, pairing up to sit next to each other on the bus in elementary school during field trips, to Mat asking you to the winter formal in eighth grade on a dare…Your infatuation towards him only grew.

By the time you were both eighteen, Mat realized his feelings, and asked you out on a date.

Playing games with other kids went to spending one-on-one time with Mat on dates. Sitting next to each other on the school bus as little kids went to Mat picking you up in his car as teenagers. And going to dances together was no longer the end product of a dare.

Even when Mat went to Seattle to play hockey, the two of you still kept the connection while you stayed in Canada. The four years of University were easier; with Mat playing for the New York Islanders, and your top choice for school was in New York City, it didn’t take more than a second thought to accept the offer.

As if Mat had the same memories playing on an endless loop in his head, he let out a relaxed breath, “I can’t wait until we buy a house, tell our kids how we met, and take them to this park.”

The uncomfortable familiar feeling you felt earlier in the afternoon creeped up your stomach, “You really have it all planned out.”

“I have our life,” he squeezed your hand as he made a point to emphasize a shared future between the two of you, “planned out.”

You were positive he could feel your heartbeat increase. And while the pounding of your heart could easily be mistaken for the heightened feelings you felt whenever you were near Mat, you knew something else was causing this distress. There was no one in the world you loved more than Mat. You loved your family because they were family, but you made a conscious decision to love him. And despite some hardships, he chose to love you as well.

But thinking about the future made you squirm.

A future with Mat was all you ever desired. You knew he was the one person in the universe made for you when you were halfway through university. And you were pretty sure Mat knew you were his person by the fourth date.

You still kept some of your notebooks that had doodles in the margin. The psychology notebook from junior year of high school had Mat Barzal, with hearts dotting around his name, in every blank space. And even in university, your senior year thesis notebook had script writing of your name paired with his last name, so you could practice a potential new signature for the future.

Since the seventh grade, this was everything you daydreamed about with Mat; a future together. Happiness always fogged up your mind whenever you thought about a lifetime together with him, you wanted this, but everything felt like it was approaching faster than anticipated. And the undisclosed feeling in the pit of your stomach wasn’t going away no matter how hard you tried to only think about a happy future with Mat.

Wanting to feel anything other than whatever made your stomach churn, you leaned up to press a lingering kiss to Mat’s jaw. Then you pressed another kiss to his neck, and another further down at the base of his throat. With each kiss you pressed to his skin, the feeling subsided more.

When you detached your lips from his skin and sat up, you heard him let out a discontent hum. With his eyes closed, he wasn’t aware of the adoration in your eyes as you looked down at him. You studied everything about his face; the slight pink coloring on his cheeks despite it almost being summertime, the downward curve on the bridge of his nose, and how he somehow still had a slight smile on his face when he wasn’t awake.

A satisfied silent sigh passed through your lips as your index finger trailed across his silver chain. The jewelry felt cold on your fingertips, but with the way Mat still had a hand holding onto yours, your whole body burned like a furnace. Unable to resist the pull you felt toward him any longer, you leaned down and pressed an innocent kiss to his lips. You lifted your head up, pulling your lips away from his, but Mat brought his free hand to gently lay on your cheek as he lifted his head up slightly to bring you back into a kiss.

It was soft, delicate, and reminded you of the first kiss you shared after your second date outside of his car when he dropped you off in front of your house.

With his thumb caressing your cheek, his fingers curled around your neck to bring your lips closer to his. And as you smiled into the kiss, he slowly lifted himself up until he was properly sitting. You pulled away from the kiss again, not wanting to get carried away while in public, but Mat followed your lips and kissed them one last time.

Your hand that was on his shoulder slowly inched toward the back of his neck where you played with the ends of his hair. He leaned his forehead against yours and whispered, “Wanna get pizza?”

You threw your head back in laughter and Mat dropped his head into the crook of your neck, wrapping an arm around your waist for a hug. Leaning into the hug, you continued to thread your fingers through his hair, “Yeah, pizza sounds good.”

���Good,” Mat pressed a featherlight kiss under your jaw as he unwound his arms from around you to stand up. He reached a hand out for you, and with a smile, you placed your hand in his as he pulled you up.  

Once on your feet, he tugged on your arm so that you were pressed flat against his chest, caught in another hug. Never one to deny any of his hugs, you wrapped your arms around his waist as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. His arms were strong and his body felt warm. You melted into his touch like you had for the past five––almost six––years.

But then his stomach grumbled, and you leaned away from him with an amused smile on your face, “Pizza?”

Mat smiled back down at you and nodded, “Pizza,” he said matter of factly as he unwrapped his arms from you and began to fold up the blanket.

When he had the blanket draped over his arm, he reached his hand out again for you to take. Happily, you slid your hand into his, as the two of you began to walk through the park to a pizza place down the street.

The pace of your walk was slow. Normally you wouldn’t mind a slow pace, but it was making the unknown and unwelcome feeling creep back up in your stomach. The feeling seeped through every crevice of your body as Mat recounted a story of how he almost got hit in the face with a puck at practice. And the feeling wedged itself deeper and deeper into the middle of your chest until you arrived at the pizza place.

“Your eyes look pretty today,” Mat offhandedly said as the two of you slid into a table after ordering.

You tilted your head, shoulders instantly relaxing at the sound of his voice, as a soft smile slowly made its way onto your face that was brighter than the sun the two of you just sat under.

You propped your elbows up on the table, resting your chin on your hands, as you looked at the love of your life with nothing but fascination, “Your eyes always look pretty.”

Mat reciprocated your beaming smile.

And the unknown feeling vanished.

–––

The spring air dwindled away and the crisp air of autumn slowly began to replace the weather associated with new beginnings. Even though the seasons changed, the heaviness in your chest you felt in May was still present in September. No matter what you did, or who you spent time with, the feeling continued to grow until it latched onto your deepest insecurities. And it wasn’t until you had an honest conversation with your best friend that she told you the feeling was anxiety.

Anxiety.

What did you have to be anxious about? What was so terrible in your life that made you nauseous in the mornings, kept you up until the late hours of the night, and had you constantly bouncing your leg up and down while sitting? Your life had been going exactly according to plan––exactly how you thought you wanted it to go. All you wanted was for it to disappear, but you couldn’t pinpoint what made you anxious. Which made it hard to try and control the feeling.

But there was one thing you did that proved successful in making the anxiety subside.

With your bare chest pressed up against Mat’s, his fingertips slightly digging into the skin of your hips, you rested your head in the crook of his neck as you inhaled a sharp breath. You had just experienced a shuddering orgasm on his lap, but he wasn’t quite finished.

Mat wrapped an arm around your body and flipped you over. You opened your eyes briefly to see him crawling up your body, adjusting himself in this new position. With raised eyebrows, he offered you a soft smile. And after you gave him verbal confirmation you wanted him again, he nudged your legs apart and guided himself in. You hadn’t fully recovered from the previous act of shared intimacy, but that didn’t matter to you.

The only thing that mattered was getting rid of the tortuous feeling that consumed you.

But when your hips met, and you heard Mat inhale a sharp breath, the feeling lessened.

You always looked forward to that––Mat’s breathless smile when your pelvic bones first connected in a deep thrust. There were other things, too. You knew things about Mat that nobody else knew. Like how Mat always crinkled his nose when he first became aroused. How his biceps were especially ticklish if you dragged your fingertips across them. How it drove him crazy when you would wrap your legs around him, hooking him in to pull him closer. Or how Mat would press a lingering kiss to your cheek when he was perilously close to the edge.

And it was that last movement that brought you out of your head––Mat pressing a lingering kiss to your cheek.

With a ragged breath, you trailed a hand up his arm––skipping his biceps––and curled an arm around his neck. Your fingers delicately moved up his neck as you weaved your fingers through his hair, and then slowly let your hand drag to the side of his face; cupping his cheek. And with a series of quick, deep thrusts with Mat on top, was all it took for your walls to clench around him as you lost your breath momentarily.

As you rode out the high of your orgasm, Mat was close behind. With a few more thrusts, you knew he released when his movements slowed down with a few snaps of his hips. After he inhaled a deep breath and released it through his nose, Mat rested his forehead against yours and then opened his eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered unintelligibly while trying to catch his breath.

You rubbed your thumb over his cheek, “I love you, too.”

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, nuzzling his head into the palm of your hand, before a shy smile broke through. With a gentle peck to your lips, Mat rolled off you and quickly disposed of the condom before rolling back into bed.

When Mat was back at your side, he propped himself up with his elbow and stared down at you. Shuffling a bit down the pillow, you pulled the sheets up to your neck and peered up at him. With his free hand, he took one of your hands and lazily played with your fingers. He went from slowly moving his fingers between yours, to his fingertips leisurely moving from the bottom of your palm to the tips of your fingers. And when he had done that for a few moments, he started tracing the lines on the inside of your palm.

The only sound in the room was the two of you silently breathing; basking in each other's presence after a few moments of shared intimacy. Even in the silence, all you heard was him whispering I love you on repeat in your mind.

Every time he said those words to you felt like the first time. And even hearing the echo of them from your memory caused a scintillating smile to unashamedly grow on your face. You diverted your gaze from him playing with your hand to look at him.

Mat’s eyes were already focused on you.

His eyes were the first thing you fell in love with. You didn’t know if you fell in love with him when you were twelve years old; when his wide, nervous eyes offered you a stick and asked if you’d to join his team for street hockey. Or when you were nineteen; when his earnest eyes were bloodshot as he confided in you that he was scared of losing the connection of your relationship when he went to Seattle. No matter what emotion he held in his eyes, you always loved them.

And even now, his eyes were soft. His eyes were so full of love, but there was another emotion swimming around in his eyes that you had only seen before he asked you out; longing.

You didn’t know what he was longing for as he stared at you. A creased formed in between his eyes as he scrunched his eyebrows together. Removing the arm you had under the pillow, you raised your hand and rubbed the crease until his eyebrows relaxed. He offered you a small smile, but this smile was more one of concern rather than happiness.

Like you did earlier when Mat was on top of you, you trailed your fingers down his cheek until you cupped the side of his face with your palm. Slowly, you caressed his cheek with your thumb.

“Are you alright?” Mat whispered.

It was your turn for your eyebrows to scrunch together and a crease to form between them. And while you momentarily retracted your hand from his face, you snapped out of your shock, and moved your hand up to brush a piece of loose hair out of his face. The piece of hair didn’t stay in its place, so you pushed it back once more, as you tried to distract yourself from the growing feeling of anxiety bubbling up in your stomach.  

The piece of hair continued to fall in front of his forehead, so you focused all of your concentration on making sure it stayed away, “Of course I am, why?”

Mat shrugged his shoulders. And he took your hand that pushed his hair back and intertwined your fingers together, “You seem a little…off.”

You snorted, “We just had sex twice,” your facial expression held a serious look, but your tone of voice was teasing, “Are you complaining?”

Mat let out a breathy laugh as he squeezed your hand, “That’s not––That was incredible––Really really good––definitely not complaining,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I feel like I can say I know you better than anyone else, and…I don’t know.” His eyes dropped to your intertwined hands, and he tried his hardest to force a smile before looking back at you, “It feels like something’s been up the past few days.”

Few months, you wanted to correct him.

You shook your head, trying to ease both of your nerves, “I uh––I’m thinking of looking at grad schools?” you let the little white lie easily slip, “But I’m not seriously looking, it was just a thought.”

Mat playfully rolled his eyes, “Knew something was up,” he brought your connected hands up to his lips to press a reassuring kiss to the top of your hand, “If you do seriously consider grad school, you’re probably the most well off person to apply.” At his confidence in you, you tucked your chin into your chest.

“It’s just…” you inhaled a shaky breath, wanting to come clean about your unknowing anxiety, but something held you back, “I don’t know.”

Mat dropped your hand and slowly stroked the side of your face with the back of his hand, “It’s a lot to think about. But there are plenty of great schools in New York,” when his lips turned upward in a smile, you felt your stomach drop, “Whatever you want, we’ll figure it out together.” Mat pressed a kiss to your cheek, “We have all the time in the world.”

His voice, full of optimism, matched the hopefulness behind his eyes, and his smile finally met his eyes. And the longer you stared into his eyes, you saw a glint of something you had never seen before; devotion.

You don’t know when it happened, but you accepted the fact that you would marry Mat––spend the rest of your life with him. There was no lengthy discussion, but there seemed to be mutual acceptance. Mat always spoke so passionately about starting a family with you when he saw a toddler run around the park. And whenever you drove past a house you liked, you always made a passing comment about how nice it would be to raise a family with him.

You wondered when you started to feel so uncomfortable with the feeling of security.

–––

The month of September was slightly better, but not by much. The anxiety was still present and you kept Mat in the dark about everything. But it was difficult to confide in him when you didn’t even know the root of the problem. You couldn’t pinpoint the cause of anxiety, and you thought the feeling would disappear in June.

But it was now October and your anxiety had escalated to suffocation.

Suffocation.

It felt like there was a bag of twenty-pound rocks tied to your ankles and you were drowning. When you didn’t feel like you were drowning, you felt as if someone was smothering you with a pillow. And when you finally felt free from the smothering, it felt as though someone had cut off your air supply. But there was one thing that temporarily relieved the feeling of suffocation.

And it came with an acceptance email from Georgetown University in Washington D.C.

When you applied to a handful of universities to continue your education, you thought your anxiety was based around a fear of not excelling to your full potential. So, with that in mind, you took the little white lie you told Mat a few months ago and applied exclusively applied to grad schools only in New York City. But a program at Georgetown caught your eye and it was the only school outside of New York you applied to. You hoped for the best, but deep down you had a gut feeling the prestigious school in D.C. would reject you.

But when you received a fairly large envelope in the post, one that was not the size of a rejection letter, you felt a brief moment of freedom.

It is with great pleasure that we offer you admission…

You had read the opening line of the letter ten times before skimming the rest of the offer letter. The amount of confidence and pride you felt swell up in your chest was short lived. Because your new friend, suffocation, quickly swallowed up those feelings.

You had never considered moving out of New York––never considered moving away from Mat––but here you were, internally debating with yourself on whether you should take this offer seriously.

There was too much going on in your head––too much going on in the city––as you walked down the sidewalk. Every step you took toward your home felt like walking on a tightrope.

You had a university acceptance offer…Step one…The university was nearly 300 miles away from Mat…Step two…You had other university acceptance offers for school’s in New York…Step three…But the anxiety only grew when you received acceptance letters from schools in New York…Step four…And all of the anxiety went away with the D.C. offer…Step five…Does Mat have something to do with your anxiety––

You didn’t let yourself finish the last thought.

Mat was your person. There was not a chance the universe would play such a cruel trick on you. Life wasn’t fair, but life wouldn’t rip you away from Mat.

Right before you entered your apartment building, you dug out your phone and called your best friend. Once she picked up, you begged to spend the night at her place, saying you needed to get out of the city. She agreed, but you heard the curiosity behind her voice.

Knowing that mat would be waiting in your apartment, you hurriedly hung up before entering the elevator. The ride up was daunting, and the lights that blinked whenever you rose to a new floor felt as if they taunted you. They were yellow and bright, something you had not felt in quite some time, but the lights didn’t care as they flashed in your face.

When the doors parted open to your floor, you scurried out and opened the door to your apartment. You breezed right in before you changed your and decided to drive straight to Newark.

As expected, Mat sat slumped against the couch cushions as he pointed the remote at the television. He couldn’t seem to pick a channel that held his interest. When he heard the door open, he turned his head and you offered him a small wave as you set your bag on the floor.

“Good day?”

You shrugged your shoulders and walked over to sit next to Mat on the couch, “Average,” you leaned your head on his shoulder, “How was your day?”

Mat mimicked your shrug, “Just practice. Uneventful.”

You let out a snort, “What thrilling lives we live.”

That earned a loud laugh from Mat, “Exhilarating,” he leaned over and kissed your forehead, “So, for dinner? We have stuff to cook, but there’s this new place a few blocks over I thought we could try––”

Lifting your head up from his shoulder, you moved away from him slightly as you brought your legs up to your chest, quickly cutting him off, “I’m actually––I’m going to Newark tonight.”

A few awkward beats of silence passed before Mat spoke with a cracked voice, “Oh?”

Nodding, you leaned your chin on your knees, “Haven’t seen Melanie in a while,” you mentioned your best friend, “Just need to get out of the city for the night.”

“Everything alright?”

Mat’s voice was laced with hesitance, as if he didn’t know if he wanted an answer to his question.

You gulped and hugged your legs closer to your chest, “Yeah I––It’s a girl’s night. We just need to clear our heads.”

Mat nodded in understanding. He pinched his bottom lip between his thumb and pointer finger, “Clear your head,” he repeated cautiously as if he sensed there was an ulterior motive. He closed his eyes, and after a few more beats of silence, he opened them. And you felt your heartstrings tug in your chest when you saw the amount of yearning behind his stare.

“That’s…” he cleared his throat, and nodded his head slowly, as he looked at the television, “good.”

He didn’t phrase his words as a question, but they weren’t a statement either. It was Mat convincing himself that you leaving the city was fine…That you were fine…That the relationship was fine.

To ease his doubts––because there was nothing in your life that you were more certain of than your love for him––you took his hand, “It’s just for one night.” Your voice didn’t waver, and you spoke with double the confidence, hoping to transfer some of it to the boy who sat across from you.

“No, yeah that’s fine,” Mat bit the inside of his cheek, “Time with your friends is good.”

Mat never verbally recognized the small rift forming between you two, but in this moment, you knew he could feel it more than ever. And when you felt him pull his hand away from yours, you panicked and squeezed his hand twice. It caught his attention, and you smiled at him, “We’ll try out the new place tomorrow night for dinner.”

There was a far off look in his eyes, but he nodded in agreement.

Mat only using the bare minimum to communicate with you drove you up a wall. You didn’t like how he avoided conversation, and you didn’t like the feeling in your stomach that came with it. He’s disappointed in you, a voice in your head spoke up, you’re leaving him alone when you know he doesn’t feel confident about your relationship––

In order to silence the voice in your head, you did the only thing that you knew would keep it quiet.

You leaned forward, gently placing both of your hands on Mat’s cheeks, and kissed him. At first when he didn’t kiss back, you feared that you wouldn’t be lucky this time around to quiet your insecurities. The toxic coping mechanism you fell into every time wasn’t working. Panic rose through your body fast, and just when you were about to give up hope, he kissed you back.

A sigh escaped your lips as Mat pressed a hand firmly to your lower back to pull you closer.

You needed to be closer.

His hands carefully held your waist as your hands traveled from the sides of his face to the nape of his neck.

You needed to feel closer.

He kissed you harder, hands creeping up your shirt as he was always one to crave skin-to-skin contact. You let your hands delicately move down his neck to his shoulders––lifting your touch on his skin to avoid his biceps––and let your hands fall onto his chest.

Closer.

You needed to physically feel as close as possible to Mat; because emotionally, you felt as far away from him as ever.

–––

The forty-five minute drive from Long Island to Newark was filled with songs from the shared Spotify playlist you had with Mat. 

He created it when he first went off to play hockey in Seattle claiming it would be a fun way to stay updated with each other's lives. The playlist was full of songs that reminded either of you of each other, upbeat heavy rock songs that Mat listened to before a hockey game, or more mellow songs you heard in a coffee shop while studying.

Since Mat had started the tradition of creating a shared playlist each year, there was a new playlist for almost the entirety of your relationship. And on your lonesome drive to Newark, you pressed play on the playlist from 2015.

You left your apartment after a silent cuddle with Mat that lasted a few hours; legs tangled together, synchronized breathing, and featherlight touches. There was a moment where Mat removed his arms from your waist––he said he was cold––and asked if you had a sweatshirt he could borrow. Reluctantly, you got up and trudged to your room to look for a sweatshirt of his you once stole.

A black sweatshirt caught your eyes and you picked it up. The Seattle Thunderbirds logo printed on the front, you toyed with the hoodie strings, debating on if you wanted to give him his sweatshirt back. It was one of the first ones you sneakily stole from him in the beginning of your relationship. And as much as the sweatshirt was rightfully his, it had made a home in your drawer over the years.

Missing the way his arms felt wrapped around you, you walked back to the couch––Thunderbirds sweatshirt in hand––and offered it up to him. Mat quickly tugged it over his head, ruffling his hand through his already messed-up hair, and then pulled you down to lay next to him.

He left your apartment wearing the sweatshirt.

After replaying the memory of Mat walking out of your place with his sweatshirt, you found yourself at your best friend’s townhouse sooner than expected. She ushered you into her kitchen saying she was almost done boiling the kettle for tea.

The only words exchanged between the two of you so far was a greeting and barely there small talk. She didn’t push you as to why you frantically called her and begged for a night away from New York. But she anticipated that the conversation would come later in the night.

Once the teas were made to both of your likings, Melanie led you upstairs to her rooftop deck. A fond smile crossed your face as flashbacks from all the times the two of you had spent up here. The two of you had met in university, but she was a few years older than you, so she moved out of New York sooner than you.

Most of your deep conversations about Mat took place on this rooftop. From realizing you loved him on this rooftop to coming to terms that there was no one else you’d rather spend the rest of your life with… This rooftop held the realizations of multiple monumental moments of your relationship with Mat.

Next to the sectional couch the two of you sat on, Melanie lifted the lid of the wicker basket and plucked out two blankets. You quickly wrapped the blanket around your shoulders, bracing your body against the frigid air.

As Melanie adjusted the blanket over her shoulders, she spoke up, “Everything alright?”

You took a sip of tea, keeping your vision set straight ahead, “Yeah, I’m alright––it’s just…” you glanced over at her to see she had her eyes raised, silently telling you to rethink your answer, “I don’t know.”

Shoulders slumped over in defeat, you took another sip of tea.

“I think you’re far from fine,” Melanie chuckled, “Got a call from my best friend panicking about how she had to get away,” her voice waned off amusement and turned more serious, “You worried me.”

You nodded in understanding, “Sorry, I didn’t think––Sorry––It’s just everything…” you nervously itched your collarbone and let out a sigh, “Sorry.”

Melanie placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Never apologize for what you’re feeling,” her eyes were soft, and full of concern, as she weakly smiled and headed carefully with her words, “Even if you don’t…know what you’re feeling.”

“I got accepted to Georgetown,” you blurted out as you kept your eyes trained on the ground.

Her eyes widened, and a genuine smile spread across her face, “That’s––Shit, congratulations! That’s so exciting! D.C.…Wow.”

With a slow nod of your head, you took a sip of your tea, “D.C.”

A brief silence in conversation revealed everything Melanie needed to know about why you suddenly had to escape from the city.

“Mat doesn’t know?”

You repeated her question as a statement, “Mat doesn’t know,” breaking eye contact with her again, you swallowed down your insecurities, “While like––I don’t know––That’s not why I’m…upset.” Melanie nodded and waited for you to continue your explanation, “Things have been…off.”

“Off? As in recently?” Melanie questioned as you stayed silent. With a deep sigh, she whispered, “How long have things felt off?”

You gulped, “May.”

Melanie’s eyes widened again, but not in the joyous sense like they had when you told her about your graduate school acceptance. Her eyebrows were raised high and her mouth slightly dropped open, “Shit, Y/N, it’s November.’

Again, you nodded and took another sip of tea, “It is November.”

“You’re going to have to do more talking than repeat the last words of every sentence I say.”

The words weren’t meant to be harsh, but her tone of voice still caused you to flinch. Her sentence was the truth, and you didn’t come here to be coddled. You needed someone to be brutally honest with you to help bring you to a conclusion. And you knew you had to offer up more information, or else your little one-night escape away from the city would be pointless.

“I feel stuck,” you breathed out, the last word barely a whisper, as you felt your throat close up, “I feel stuck and I’ve felt this way since May. I don’t know why I feel like this and I really don’t know what to fucking do, Mel. I––I’m so scared.”

Melanie scooted closer to you, “Stressed about potentially going back to school?”

You shook your head immediately. The thought of going back to school was the only thing keeping you sane at the moment. You couldn’t wait to expand upon another area of study that interested you. And you had been feeling this way long before you entertained the idea of going back to school.

“Everything is going so so well with Mat and…I don’t know…I’m happy with how things are now, but––“

“You’re obviously not happy if you can’t talk to him about this,” Melanie cut you off sharply before she inhaled a deep breath, “Maybe you need some change.”

You quirked an eyebrow up and tilted your head, “Change?”

She nodded and offered you a regretful smile; one that people had tucked away for when they had to break not so pleasant news to people they cared about, “Change from…how your life has been going.”

You continued to blankly stare at her as the dots didn’t connect in your mind. Melanie took your silence as a way to continue on with her explanation.

“Maybe D.C. is a great opportunity to start over.”

Suddenly, the crickets that chirped on her rooftop blared like alarms, the blanket you had on felt itchy, and the bitter autumn air smelt stale.

“Start…Over?” You shook your head no as Melanie nodded her head yes, “I have a life built around Mat and a––I have a future with him––That’s not––I can’t––“

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Melanie,” you pleaded with your best friend as the scratchiness behind your throat became uncomfortable, “I can’t do that to him––“

She held up a hand for you to stop talking, “You’ve been with mat since you were like twenty––“

“Eighteen,” you corrected her.

She shot you a glare and pretended like she wasn’t interrupted, “You were children when your relationship started,” she waved her free hand in the air, “There’s no denying that you’ve had a great relationship with him. The two of you have grown so much together, but sometimes things get stuck in a routine and people need a change.” You felt a lone tear trickle down your cheek, “Maybe you need a change.”

You carefully set your tea down on the glass patio table as all of the negative thoughts and feelings ventured out of their hiding places. One by one, they creeped out of every corner––no crevice too small––of your mind, as your subconscious tortured you with the lethal words they created.

With the heel of your palm, you wiped away more silent tears that couldn’t stop falling from your eyes.

Change was something you didn’t handle well. Change was something you’ve never liked. Your heart was saying that this kind of change––a change from Mat was bad––but your heart was screaming. Your heart was screaming about how exhausted it always felt suffocated. Your heart was telling you that there was another way. That you didn’t have to feel like this all the time––how you shouldn’t feel like this all the time.

You wanted to ignore how your heart felt and listen to your head. You wanted to ignore the heartbreaking gaze Melanie sent your way. And most of all, you wanted to ignore how your best friend had a very valid opinion.

You craved Mat’s presence now more than ever.

–––

November ended painfully slow and December came without a care for your feelings.

In the midst of juggling your job, figuring out technicalities that potentially came with continuing your education down in D.C., and keeping up with Mat’s hockey schedule…You were also trying to stabilize a relationship that you desperately clung on to.

Ever since your roof top conversation with Melanie, you felt the relationship crumbling on your end. And only a couple weeks later, Mat seemed hesitant around you. Every touch he gave you held doubt. Every night you went to bed, he shifted further to the other side. And every I love you was said with caution.

He was there physically, but emotionally, he was pulling away right before your eyes.

You loathed the situation that you had created for yourself and Mat. You absolutely hated how you no longer synced up. You wanted to go back to the way things were before the summer hit. You craved the smell of the spring air that was synonymous to the safety you felt in Mat’s presence.

Although, you don’t know how possible that was now.

Change.

Melanie nonchalantly brought up the topic of change whenever you called or saw her in person. She reassured you that she would support your decision––whenever you came to one––but she still favored the decision of change for you. She had your best interest at heart, and while you appreciated that, your best interest was entangled with Mat.

And you knew that the decision she wanted you to make was not in his best interest.

But there was one day in the past seven months that felt normal.

At work, you were offered a promotion. And that same night, the Islanders had their seventh straight win, with Mat scoring a hat trick. You walked out of your director’s office with a smile on your face, and you snuck down to the lobby to call Mat with the good news. He sounded ecstatic for you over the phone, and he asked if you wanted to go to the game tonight so he could see you right after.

Eagerly, you accepted his offer, and you felt butterflies churn in your stomach as if it was the first time he asked you to attend one of his games.

You rushed to get all of your work done as fast as possible, and a few minutes before the clock struck five, you dashed out of the office and made your way to the arena. The game felt electric, Mat played with a sense of newfound desire, and you were ecstatic for him to be playing so well. And when the game was over, and Mat walked out in his game day suit––jacket folded over his arm and tie loosely done––you barreled into him.

Mat hugged you back just as tight, if not tighter, and his reassuring touch reestablished a sense of purpose in your life.

“I’m so proud of you,” Mat whispered in your ear, congratulating you on your promotion, “I’ll love you forever.”

That day filled you with hope.

That day made you smile wider than you had in the last few months. It was a light finally shining through the dreary storm clouds. And that day helped you gain clarity as to what sort of change you needed in your life.

You decided that change was needed if you wanted to keep sane. And you had come to the compromise that you could have a change and still keep Mat. All you needed was a change of scenery. You didn’t know why you thought you needed an ultimatum between the two, and it eased your troubles a little bit, but not nearly as much as you thought it would.

The day after your promotion and Mat’s hat trick, you woke up with your legs tangled with Mat’s, his arm thrown over your waist, and his face facing yours for the first time in months. It was so domestic, something you took for granted early on in your relationship, but once you had it back in your grasp, you never wanted to let go.

But the moment you woke up, his arm around your waist felt like an anchor aiding in your drowning. While it felt as if you were drowning, you also felt safe in Mat’s arms, as if he lent you a hand for rescue. Mat always made you feel safe.

Unfortunately, that was a week ago. And you hadn’t woken up in his arms since then.

Ironically, even though both of you knew something was wrong, Mat had been spending more time at your apartment than his. But the dynamic between you two had shifted: Mat no longer came up to hug you from behind when you cooked at the stove. You no longer pinched Mat’s hips as he walked past you. And the two of you blushed profusely and looked the other way whenever you saw the other in a towel after a shower.

Things had been off emotionally for quite some time. But now physical aspects of your relationship were changing, and a piece fo your heart broke off every time you noticed it.

You wanted change, but not like this.

You were at the small table in your kitchen, waiting for Mat to come back to you. He mumbled about heading to the gym with Tito when the two of you were sitting next to each other on the couch. He tied his laces up, and it looked like he was about to walk toward the door before he turned back around and stood in front of you.

Like every time you stared up at Mat, you fell in love with him all over again.

He offered you the smallest of smiles before bending down to your height. Carefully, he cupped your face with his hand, and you immediately leaned into his touch. A peaceful sigh escaped your lips and your eyes closed.

What caught you off guard the most was when Mat leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips. And just when your eyes opened, he broke away from the kiss. When his eyes finally opened, they were pleading with you. His eyes begged for an answer you could not give him. His eyes urgently wanted for you to tell him what had flipped your entire world upside down.

But his eyes were also full of love and hope; unconditional love for his high school sweetheart and hope that the two of you could make it over this bump.

“I love you,” he whispered just as soft as the first time he said those words to you, “I won’t be long.”

Desperate for more physical contact from him, you weaved your fingers through his brown hair. You knew how much he loved when you massaged his scalp and ran your fingers through his hair. Instantaneously, his eyes closed, and he leaned forward to brush his nose against yours.

You didn’t want him to go to the gym with Tito.

And like the first day you repeated those important three words back to him, your voice was filled with the same enchantment for the man in front of you, “I love you, too.”

With a sigh, Mat opened his eyes. With the way his eyebrows pinched together, you could tell he was intently debating something in his mind. But before you could pry, he seemed to go against his better judgement and pressed another kiss to your lips. While the kiss wasn’t anything special, he lingered longer than his first kiss.

“I’ll be back soon,” he breathed out softly.

He left before you could open your eyes.

Part of you didn’t want to open your eyes because the last thing you saw––that would be ingrained in your brain forever––was the person you appreciated and cared for most in the world, telling you he loved you. There was no better high in the world than that, especially when you had felt deprived from his love for so long.

But that was six hours ago.

You hoped he would only be gone for two or three hours, but your hope dwindled away with every hour that passed.

You were messing around with your laptop when you heard a key in the door handle. And when you heard the creak of your door open, you held your breath. You felt the inside of your stomach fall and the anxiety crawl up.

Once you looked up from your keyboard, you saw Mat already staring at you.

His cheeks were rosy, lips parted ever so slightly as he heavily breathed, and his forehead glistened with sweat. He held the water bottle in his hands as he stared through you. The way he looked at you was unnerving, and you wish you were able to read his mind.

“I love you, Y/N.”

His voice held conviction as he refocused his gaze to look at you instead of through you.

Slowly, you closed your laptop as Mat walked toward you. He placed the water bottle on the table and looked down at your doe eyed, questioning gaze, “I love you, but I need to know what’s wrong.”

“What––“

“I know you feel it too,” the determination and confidence behind his voice fell, “It’s been a few months and I can’t––we can’t––this?” his voice cracked, “We need to figure it out.”

You sniffled and started to nervously pick at a loose piece of skin by your thumb. Your eyes fell to your lap, not wanting to see the utter heartbreak in his eyes, “Let’s––Yeah. Let’s talk, okay.”

Mat crouched down in front of you, and took one of your fidgety hands in his, “Hey,” he used his other hand to tilt your chin up to look at him, “It’s just me…The guy who accidentally shattered your car window junior year when shooting a puck because I wanted to impress you,” he let out a sad chuckle, “Just…Me.”

You sucked in a deep breath, vigorously nodding your head, in hopes to delay your tears, “I know––And I––That’s what makes this so…” You let out a hiccup and squeezed your eyes shut just as hard as Mat squeezed your hand in reassurance, “Hard.”

Before a sob wracked through your chest, Mat was fast to stand up and pull you up with him, wrapping his arms around you. You fell into his chest and he held you close, running a soothing hand up and down your spine. He whispered that everything would be alright, but your arms only tightened around his neck as your sobs increased with his careful words.

After a few moments when your cries slowly started to calm down, Mat slightly leaned back, but made sure to keep his arms securely wrapped around you. He lazily traced patterns with his thumb on your lower back, which caused you to look up at him.

With all your heart, you wished you didn’t look into his eyes. Because seeing his red eyes and heart-rending smile caused you more pain than the last seven months.

He brought a hand up to your face, wiping the tears from under your eyes with his thumb, “There’s my pretty girl,” he sniffled and failed at forcing a smile, “So pretty.”

You felt your bottom lip tremble, another wave of fresh tears waiting to be seen. And when Mat loosened his grasp around your waist, you looked up at him in panic. You didn’t want to be separated from him, but he shushed you, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder to keep you close as he guided you over to the couch.

Much like earlier in the day, the two of you sat on the couch together. But instead of laying together on the couch, he sat next to you.

With your thighs touching, Mat grasped your hand in his, “Talk to me,” his grip was so tight, it felt like he was afraid you would slip away right in front of him, “Please.”

You nodded your head again, but no words came out.

How were you supposed to start off this kind of conversation?

Mat squeezed your hand in reassurance, and before you began to overthink about the best way to phrase your feelings, you said the first thing that came to mind.

“I feel anxious,” you let out a shaky breath.

Mat slowly nodded, squeezing your hand again as a silent way to encourage you to continue.

And with a deep breath, you shut your eyes tight, “I feel anxious and stuck––Almost like––I feel like I have no control over anything and it––I think––I need, uh, a change.”

Your words strung together in one rushed out sentence. And as your rambling continued on, your words grew softer and softer until your voice barely carried above a whisper. But the last word––change––echoed loudly in the room. The word was deafeningly loud, and Mat didn’t miss a beat.

“Change…”

The one syllable word sounded foreign coming from his lips. He repeated the word for a second time to make sure he heard you right.

Change.

In a sense, change was ever present in your relationship. There was change when you and Mat first grew out of being friends to more…Change when Mat left for Seattle to play hockey…and change again when Mat got drafted by the Islanders.

Change was almost a constant in your relationship; but the change was always prompted from Mat’s end. There had never been any expressed desire for change on your side.

“What do you want a change from?” Mat’s tone was daring, almost as if he wanted you to make his worst nightmare a reality.

“I––There’s this whole––“

“What,” he didn’t mask the viciousness in his voice, “do you want a change from.”

His voice was demanding, and not at all like the sweet sound that comforted you moments ago. You knew him well enough to know he was growing irritated at you, and you knew it would only get worse.

“I got into a masters program––in D.C.,” you rushed out, and in hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best response to reassure his insecurities, but you needed to get that information out there, “And it’s––it sounds so great, Mat. Like really great, and––“

He removed his hand from yours in a swift motion, as if he touched fire, “You’re leaving?”

“That’s not–––“

“Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this?” His eyes shined with hurt and disappointment, but most of all, you could hear the distrust behind his voice, “D.C.?”

You sighed, “I never seriously considered it until last month.”

Mat closed his eyes, no doubt in frustration that you didn’t confide your feelings in him earlier, “You’ve been feeling like you need a change for the past month?” Your silence caused him to flare his nostrils, and edged him on to ask another question, “Since when––Why––How long have you felt this way?”

You gulped, averting your eyes to look at his knees, “I don’t want anything between us to change, Mat,” you spoke carefully, “I was thinking––“

“How long?”

“May.”

You screwed your eyes tight to the point where you felt a stunning sensation in your forehead. You couldn’t bring yourself to look in his eyes, that no doubt would be filled to the brim with pain. And you avoided his stare that bored you for as long as you could.

But when you felt the couch cushion next to you feel lighter, you snapped your eyes open and up to look at Mat.

Mat backed away from the couch, and there was nothing you could have done to prepare yourself for the look of betrayal in his eyes, “May?” Gnawing at your bottom lip, you nodded. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head in disbelief, “How could you not tell me––Christ, seven months?” Y/N…” his voice cracked as he said your name.

It killed you to see his jaw clenched and eyes rimmed with redness; and seeing his eyes overflow with heartbreak caused you to shoot up from your seat to comfort him. But what killed you even more was how he flinched away from your touch. Nothing in the world could prepare you for that sting.

All you wanted was to comfort him.

“Mat––“

He inhaled a deep breath and sniffled, “Please, don’t…” he brought both hands up to face, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms, “You want to leave?”

He couldn’t even look at you.

Unfair to you, his question held two sides. He was asking for clarification about wanting to leave New York, but also asking if you wanted to leave him. To Mat, leaving New York meant leaving him.

Your arms hung limp at your sides, mouth wide open in shock. You understood his confusion about wanting to leave New York because you had never mentioned it before. But your despair quickly turned into irritation as he verbalized his doubt of your love for him.

“You know I’d never leave you,” you said with a deep breath, trying your best to keep your anger at bay.

He ripped his hands away from his face, “Do I?” He sent you a glare that had you stumbling back, “Because we had this whole plan for us. And now you don't want that with me.”

“I still want that with you!” You threw your hands up in the air in exasperation, “Grad school goes faster than undergrad. We’ve done long distance before, and my job said they could transfer me––“

“You already have a job here!” Mat raised his voice, “There are places to go to grad school here! You have a place here! You have friends here––“

You raised your voice over his, “That’s not the point, please just––“

“You have me here!” His voice cracked, “We had a plan––“

“Plans change!”

Mat had his mouth open, ready to shout over you more, but once your ambiguous statement traveled from the confines of your thoughts and slipped out of your lips, he had no response. You could feel the anger radiating off him as the ringing in your ears grew louder…and louder…and louder…

“Plans don’t just change like that,” he venomously spat out. His words hit you like icicles, cold and sharp before his tone momentarily softened, “I had my life built around you…We––I wanted to marry you. Start a family with you.”

He spoke as if all of those desires he had with you were now a far off fantasy.

You pinched the bridge of your nose to stop a new wave of tears from falling. But these tears weren’t of fear for his reaction to your thoughts about change, he made those feelings loud and clear.

These were tears of mourning.

“Mat,” you spoke his name with a strained voice, “Let’s talk about this rationally––“

He ran a hand through his and narrowed his eyes at you, “Don’t…” he raised his forearm to wipe more tears away from his face, “I can’t believe––I really thought we had it all from the beginning. But who would have actually thought two teenagers would make it this far?”

He let out a soft, maniacal chuckle that made you more nauseous than any amount of anxiety.

“We were just children back then,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “What did we know about life.”

His anger morphed into a cynical tone that sent shivers down your spine. It frightened you when he let out that small laugh, one that was usually saved for comical moments between the two of you.

“But here we are now,” he let out another self-deprecating laugh, “Time’s a funny thing…It seemed like nothing back then––It felt as if we had the rest of our lives together.”

As much as you didn’t want to hear Mat break down everything about your relationship, you knew he was spiraling, and you wanted to help him. Because despite what he may think, you still loved him.

Carefully, you tiptoed forward as Mat continued on with his rambling about how idiotic he was as a kid to think that this would last forever. With each step forward, your heart shattered into the tiniest of shards as Mat portrayed your relationship as childish with no chance of reconciliation.

“You just took my love,” his voice decreased in volume and cynicism, and was replaced with a tone that ripped your heart out of your chest. He pointed an accusatory finger at you that made you stop in your tracks, “You took my love––you took it and have no remorse whatsoever––“

You shook your head and picked up the pace of your walking to reach him, “I still love you, Mat. That will never change.”

He stared down at you, and for a moment, you saw the Mat you fell in love with. You saw the bright-eyed eighteen-year-old boy who took his time in teaching you how to shoot a perfect slapshot in his driveway. He looked like he was on the verge of forgiveness, but once you slightly ghosted your fingers against his hand, he snapped out of whatever trance he fell under.

“I don’t know how to love anyone else,” his shoulders slumped forward as he bit his bottom lip.

Without caring that he pulled his hand away from yours seconds ago, you swiftly took his hand in his and gripped it as if you were hanging off a cliff and he was your only lifeline. You didn’t know if it was a moment of bravery, or a moment of desperation. Because there was a nagging thought in the back of your mind that screamed about how this could be the last time you touched him.

“You don’t have to love anyone else,” you pleaded with him, your voice catching in your throat as tears welled up in your eyes, “I don’t want you to love anyone else.”

“Time’s a funny thing,” Mat let out a humorous chuckle, not believing that the two of you found yourself desperately clinging onto the past.

When he finally made eye contact with you, he slightly tilted his head as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Even when he was crying, his dark eyes still captivated you like no one else had. And the longer you stared into his longing eyes, they were filled with one emotion you weren’t familiar with; regret.

“Mat,” you whispered his name cautiously, petrified of what his next move was, “We can work through this…”

He slowly shook his head, causing your heart to plummet, “May…From what I’ve gathered, you hadn’t applied to grad schools then––Didn’t have an excuse for change,” he stalled back more of his tears, “But you wanted a change. You still want that change.”

“I want a change of scenery,” you tried your hardest to make him understand your feelings, “Not a change from you.”

“The only thing back then you could’ve wanted a change from was me,” it was the first time his voice didn’t falter. He was confident in his theory that you didn’t want him anymore.

You squeezed his hand, “Are you even listening to yourself––“

“You’re the love of my life,” his voice was full of pain, and when he softly smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. With one hand still clutching onto yours, he brought his other hand up––a trembling hand––and tucked a piece of stray hair behind your ear, “I just wish I was yours.”

With a shakey inhale, and one last strong sniffle to conceal his sobs, Mat pressed a firm kiss to your forehead. And when released your hand one last time, he escaped out the door.

You had felt many sensations throughout the past seven months: drowning, feeling weighed down, and suffocation. But what you felt right now, the devastation that encased your whole body, was far worse than any of those emotions.

Because now, it felt as if you were falling.

Mat, your only lifeline, let go of your hand.

He knew he held the power to pull you up and save you, but he decided to let you go. When he released your grip, it felt as if he was releasing it finger by finger, desperately wanting to hold onto what you both had; wanting to hold onto the life both of you had created around one another. But in the end, it didn’t survive.

And as he released your hand, you fell.

You fell over the edge, stomach performing backflips as the sensation became worse with each passing second. The sensation of falling was never ending, as if you were falling down the rabbit hole to Wonderland; terrified of what waited for you at the bottom.

The December air felt frigid. The December air made one seek comfort in hot chocolate, or another menial item, because winter wasn’t strong enough to provide comfort. The December air felt nothing like the spring air that offered you solace without asking for anything in return.

Oh, how you wished to smell that spring air once more.

[queenshelby]

THE SECRET - part one of three

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Virgin!Reader

Summary: You are a new cast member, playing Tommy Shelby’s love interest. During filming, you fall for your co-star Cillian Murphy.

Words: 6,556

Warning: Smut, Age Gap

Notes: For the purpose of this fic, Cillian is single.

Tag List: @lilymurphy03 @deefigs

@chrisevanshoeeee @desperate-and-broken

@weepingstudentfishhorse  @fookingshelby  @livinginfantaxy

@atomicsoulcollecto  @datewithgianni @mariapaiva13

The Scene

You were nervous. This was your first role in a popular TV show.

You had been on small production TV shows in your home country of France. But this was different. The show had international success and you couldn’t believe that the producers of the show had chosen you for the role of 27-year-old Yvette L’mare for the series’ final Season.

You spoke fluent French and English and had experience in scenes with extensive dialogue due to your theatrical experience since you were 12.

But, you were by no means as experienced as some of the other candidates they had casted. After all, you were only 19.

You read the scripts over and over again after your successful audition and made yourself small rehearsal cards for each scene. The dialogue heavy scenes didn’t concern you. But, there were some scenes which were out of your comfort zone.

Your script included two intimate scenes with the actor who played the main character of the show, Thomas Shelby.

The first scene was simple enough, not much more than a kiss. The second scene, however, was to be filmed under closed set. Neither of you were going to be clothed in more than underpants, which meant that only the director, one assistant and the camara man would be present.

Before the audition, you watched the last two seasons of Peaky Blinders and you re-watched them just a week ago as part of your preparation and to give you an idea what the director will look for when filming these kinds of scenes.

Before that, you hadn’t paid much attention to the show.

From watching some of the series, it was obvious to you that your co-star was experienced. He portrayed Thomas Shelby impressively well which was something that made you even more nervous.

Will you live up to the standards of the director? Or will you fail miserably with these challenging scenes?

It didn’t matter. It was all too late now. You signed the Contract and were on your way to England.

You arrived a day before filming started in order to settle into your apartment.

The apartment was located within a hotel residence that was booked out for the cast for the entire period of production.

You shared a small two-bedroom apartment with another new cast member named Emma. Emma was from France as well and, ironically, portrayed your sister in the show. Emma was 24, slightly older than you and quite attractive. You immediately got along. She was focused, didn’t care much about partying and was down to earth.

For the first evening, after everyone arrived, the producers organised a dinner to introduce the new cast and crew members to everyone. This was when you first got to meet your co-star, Cillian.

Since you had several scenes together, the director of the show took the time to personally introduce you to Cillian.

Cillian greeted you with a big smile and you knew immediately why so many women were smitten by him. You recalled that, when you told friends and family about your audition, they wouldn’t stop talking about Thomas Shelby and how insanely attractive he was.

They were not wrong. But, what impressed you the most about Cillian was that he was so easy going and funny.

You talked to him for a while, about the most random topics, ignoring everyone else for at least 20 minutes until it was time for you to meet the other cast members.

‘Looks like you two have a lot to talk about?’ Anthony said jokingly.

‘Talking about wine’ you smiled, rather shyly.

‘Yeah, I got carried away talking about the wine production in the province. Did you know that Y/N’s parents own Bessiux Wines?’ Cillian asked, catching Anthony by surprise. ‘His sister got married at your parents’ estate last August’ Cillian added, causing Anthony to nod.

You talked about your parents’ winery for a little longer before Anthony asked you to meet the other cast members.

‘I am looking forward to working with you Cillian’ you said as you walked away and he responded with a smile and comforting ‘Likewise’.

After your encounter with Cillian you were introduced to Finn Cole and Natasha O’Keefe. You heard about Finn from your new roommate but only just then realised that he portrays Michael Grey.

You talked to both Finn and Natasha for a while and, whilst you enjoyed their company, you wished that you had some more time to talk to Cillian. Unfortunately for you, he left rather early that evening.

The next day, you picked up your schedule for the week and noticed that the scenes you prepared for were to be shot completely out of order.

In fact, your most intimate scene was scheduled for 10am on Day 2 of Production. You couldn’t believe it. You were by no means prepared for that.

Your first day on set went well and the director of the show complimented your work on several occasions. But, when filming was finished for the day, your nervousness sat in.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Emma asked as you were picking on your salad and looked at tomorrow’s scripts.

‘Yeah, just a bit nervous’ you sighed.

Emma looked over your shoulder to read your script.

‘Wow, they are throwing you right into the deep end’ she giggled.

‘Yes, they are’ you said with a shy smile before listening to some advice from Emma, who had more experience than you acting on screen.

That night, after reading your scripts at least ten more times and letting it play out in your head, you could not sleep and your lack of sleep was evident on set the next day.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Cillian asked concerned, noticing your yawning and your hands shivering slightly.

‘Yes, I am fine. I am just trying to think how to act the next scene. From reading this, it isn’t very clear to me what exactly I need to do’ you said concerned.

‘These scenes are scripted in a way to allow for improvisation. From experience, actors often fail to act these kinds of scenes directly to script, that’s why’ Cillian laughed.

‘Right, so the script is lacking the details on purpose?’ you asked.

‘Correct’ Cillian said. ‘John and Anthony will tell us what to do and in which direction to face so that you are covered. You don’t need to worry’ Cillian said reassuringly, causing you to giggle.

‘I am not worried about anyone seeing my breasts or something. I just don’t know what do, where to put my hands, my face, any of that’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Well, I suppose you just pretend to do what you would normally do when you are getting down to business’ Cillian said with a chuckle, not knowing how else to explain it.

‘Well, my experience in this department is limited. So, I apologise in advance for any awkwardness’ you said, your cheeks flushing even through the dense make up.

‘Y/N, these scenes are awkward even for the most experienced actors. If it gets too uncomfortable, we can postpone it, alright’ Cillian said, keeping a relaxed approach.

‘Alright. Thanks Cillian’ you said just before it was time for you to get changed into your gown.

The next time you would see Cillian was on the closed set, pretending to make love to him on the large cedar bed.

Just as you were getting undressed in the change room and put on the skin-coloured panties and robe you were given by the set assistant, you topped up your perfume.

You were going to be so close to each other, at least you wanted to smell nice.

After you were done, the set assistant applied some more lipstick and fixed up your hair before you sat down on the large bed. You were nervous, your heart pounding.

Cillian was much more relaxed sitting next to you in black Clavin Klein briefs. There was no need for a robe, his intimate parts were well covered, unlike yours.

His freckled skin was highlighted by the light which had not yet been adjusted and you couldn’t help but look at him while you made an effort to keep your small breasts covered from him at this point.

The cameraman was angling the camera while the director discussed the scene with you and Cillian.

You knew that this was going to be a disaster. The issue wasn’t so much that you were naked in front of the camera and the director, but more the fac that, as part of the scene, another man who you felt somewhat attracted to was about to see you like this, completely vulnerable. He was about to touch your naked skin and kiss you, but not out of his own accord. It felt absurd to you, yet you knew this was part of the job.

Finally, after the director gave his instructions, you got yourself into position.

With some embarrassment you handed the set assistant your robe and lied down on the bed.

You were waiting for some kind of joke from Cillian to lighten up the mood, but Cillian was very professional.

He sat down right next to you and you could tell that he was trying very hard to look away from your breasts.

Before he climbed over you to get into position, he gave you a warning. Regardless of the warning, you stopped breathing for a minute as he positioned himself on top of you.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked as he could see the nervousness on your face.

‘Yes’ you nodded, taking in a deep breath. He was so close that you could smell his skin and the scent of his aftershave.

‘Sink down a bit on the left forearm Cillian, we want to keep the rating below R18’ the director said with a laugh because your breasts were fully visible on camera.

‘We do?’ Cillian chuckled, causing you to laugh just before Cillian adjusted his position as instructed. For a short moment, his chest brushed against your left breast.

‘I am sorry’ he said politely.

‘It’s alright Cilly’ you said.

‘I think we are good now guys, I will count to three and we start the first part of the scene’ the director said.

It felt like an eternity with Cillian on top of you by the time the director called action.

In this scene, Tommy and Yvette were having sex. It was to start with a kiss followed by the obvious act.

There was no practice for a scene like this and, as soon as you heard the word action, Cillian’s lips slowly met yours. You closed your eyes and caressed his face with your hands as you let him take the lead. The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity until he pulled away from you.

His body was soon grinding against yours, but without your most intimate parts touching. He made sure of that. Regardless of this, you could feel his legs in between yours and his chest brushing against your breasts. The sensation sent shivers down your body and small little goosebumps began to cover your chest. How embarrassing you thought and, unfortunately for you, your embarrassment was evident on your face and the cut was called.

You attempted the scene again several times. You kissed over and over again and your hands moved from his face to his arms and chest, exploring his skin while his body was grinding against you.

But, this wasn’t enough for the director who picked up that the movement of your hands and the expressions on your face weren’t giving the viewers the impression that this was real. Your biggest problem was that you were attracted to Cillian and you realised this more than ever during this scene and tried very hard to hide it, making you look nervous and embarrassed.

After a few more takes, the director suggested a break.

‘I am so sorry Cillian’ you said as you sat next to him in your dressing gown.

‘Don’t be. You are doing fine. These scenes can be tricky and really shouldn’t be scheduled for the second day of filming’ he said with a warm smile before excusing himself.

He was gone for about ten minutes while you had some water and waited for further instructions from the team.

When he returned, he informed you that he agreed with the director that the scene be postponed.

‘Cillian, I can do this, really’ you said upset about the postponement.

‘I know you can, but like I said, it’s the second day of filming and it would probably be easier once we had a few more scenes together’ Cillian suggested.

‘Is that not going to be a problem with the set up?’ you asked.

‘No, the prop can stay here for another month and one of the perks of being a producer is that I get a say in this stuff’ Cillian smiled.

‘I feel like such a failure’ you said embarrassed.

‘You are not Y/N, you are doing great, really’ Cillian said, his hands touching your arms.

‘Common, time to get ready for more scenes’ he said with a warm smile and you followed him to get changed, separately of course.

Mr Matchmaker

Later that night, some of the cast members were heading to the pub for dinner and you sat down next to Natasha and Emma when you arrived.

You told Natasha and Emma about what happened on set. You were still upset about it.

‘Oh gosh, don’t worry Y/N. Cillian is very easy going and Anthony is very impressed with your scenes from the first day so you have nothing to worry about. I remember my first sex scene with Cillian and it took nine takes and a lot of laughter to get it right’ Natasha said.

‘How do you know when it’s right though? It’s extremely awkward’ you said.

‘If it looks like you are having sex then it’s right’ Natasha laughed. ‘I actually think about the man in my life and just switch off throughout the scene. So, if you have a boyfriend, think about him. That might help with the comfort level’ Natasha said.

‘I am happily single’ you said with a smile just as Cillian arrived at the table.

‘You are late’ Natasha said, noticing the frustration on his face.

‘Sorry’ Cillian said as he sat down next to you.

‘Still dramas with Nadine?’ Natasha asked, causing you to wonder who Nadine was.

‘Yes’ he responded just before he ordered himself a drink.

Throughout the conversation you learned that Nadine was Cillian’s ex-girlfriend with whom he broke up as little as six weeks ago. Him and Nadine were together for three years and shared a house in Dublin until recently.

Your group was soon joined by some more cast members, including Finn Cole and everyone seemed in a pretty good mood.

You talked to Finn for a while until you excused yourself to get another drink.  

As you walked to the bar, you noticed Cillian following you and engaged in a conversation with him.

‘Just in case you haven’t noticed, Finn seems to like you’ Cillian said as he stood next to you at the bar.

‘Oh, what makes you say that?’ you asked.

‘I just know. My matchmaking abilities are impeccable’ he joked.

Whilst you felt flattered, you weren’t interested in Finn and little did Cillian know that he was the one you had your eye on.

‘Really?’ you asked.

‘Yes, really. You should probably consider him. He is a nice guy, down to earth, good looking, the right age’ Cillian said cheekily.

‘I have my eyes on someone else Cillian, but thank you for your efforts’ you said with slight embarrassment and a hint of humour.

‘Now I am intrigued. Who is it? Someone on set?’ Cillian asked.

‘None of your business Mr Matchmaker’ you laughed.

‘Well, if you ever require my services, you know where to find me’ Cillian said, causing you to raise your eyebrows.

‘Services as in setting you up with someone from the crew, discreetly of course’ Cillian laughed, realising that his comment may have been received by you in the wrong way.

‘Right, you got me excited there for a moment’ you said jokingly.

‘Did I?’ Cillian joked. ‘Now that makes me feel good at my age’ Cillian added.

You knew how old he was. You googled him, just before you came to the pub, because you were curious about him, his background, things he doesn’t talk about. But, to your surprise, the fact that he was nearing 45, didn’t bother you the slightest and it certainly didn’t dampen the attraction you felt towards him.

You also knew that, being 19 years old, you would have no chance with him. He wasn’t the type of actor who was chasing young models like many other celebrities his age.

You and Cillian talked and joked for another 20 minutes before he excused himself. He had a busy day filming ahead of him and needed to get some rest.

Over the next few days, Cillian and you had several scenes together and spent some of your breaks together. You enjoyed his company and he clearly also enjoyed yours.

On Day 9 of Production, you even went as far and asked Cillian whether he wanted to watch the Liverpool game with you and Emma.

He accepted your invitation and you were quite excited. Emma was confused as to why you invited him over but didn’t think much about it until there was a knock on the door and she opened it.

To both of your surprise, Cillian had invited Finn along. Was he really so oblivious to the fact that you were attracted to him that he had to bring a sidekick, you thought?

The evening went rather slow and with you sitting in between Finn and Emma, you felt somewhat uncomfortable.

The next day, on Day 10 of Production, you had another somewhat intimate scene with Cillian. It wasn’t more than a kiss and some touching. Regardless, you were nervous but not nervous enough to first ask him why he invited Finn.

‘He invited himself when I told him about it’ Cillian chuckled. ‘I told you, he likes you’ he added.

‘That’s just great because now Emma thinks that I have a thing for him’ you said laughing.

‘These Rumours. You got to love them. Sometimes I seriously feel like I am back at school working here’ Cillian laughed.

This conversation led to an interesting question from Cillian. After you had time to talk about your days at school, he brought up your upcoming birthday. You seemed to have referred to school as a recent event, so he couldn’t help but ask how old you were turning.

‘I am turning 20’ you responded, causing Cillian to look at you almost like he had seen a ghost.

‘You are 19?’ he asked.

‘You seem surprised. How old did you think I was?’ you asked.

‘Not sure, mid or late twenties maybe?’ Cillian said just as the set assistant called you both to the scene.

Your nervousness set back in as you took your position in Thomas Shelby’s office.

The scene started of with a dialogue between Thomas Shelby and Yvette which went smoothly, as expected. The next part of the scene involved Thomas lifting Yvette onto his desk and kiss her passionately while running his hands over the back of her body.

The first attempt resulted in Cillian and you both laughing as he lifted you up. It was awkward and it didn’t help that you were ticklish.

The next take went smoothly. Cillian lifted you on to the desk gently before his hands ran down your back while he kissed you. Your hands caressed his face as he did and the director had to call the cut on the kiss.

You enjoyed it, and to his surprise, so did Cillian. He felt uncomfortable about enjoying kissing you or even spending time with you outside of work. Not only were you a co-worker but you were also much younger than him.

A sense of guilt ran through his mind right after the scene now that he knew your age. Kissing you shouldn’t feel good, it was wrong.

The director was happy with the scene and you hopped back off the table before asking Cillian whether he wanted to have lunch with you.

Little did you know that your lunch date was going to be your last with him for while as Cillian was trying hard to keep his distance from you thereafter.

Birthday Surprise

But this all changed another week later, on your birthday, which was Day 17 of Production.

By that point, filming was getting to you and you were tired and, therefore, declined the offer from Natasha to organise a birthday party for you.

Instead, you and some of the crew and cast went for dinner at a nearby restaurant.

The food was amazing and you spent two hours at the restaurant after a rather long day of filming. By about 8.30pm half of the crew and cast had left and it was only you, Cillian, Emma, Sam and Finn who stayed.

Finn was going to meet some friends at a nearby pub at 9pm and invited you all to join him. Whilst Emma and Sam agreed, you and Cillian weren’t keen and made your way back to the apartment complex.

‘Would you like a glass of wine?’ you blurted out all of a sudden just as you were both getting into the elevator. This question took all of your courage after Cillian had been avoiding to spend time with you.

‘I think the hotel bar is closed already’ Cillian said.

‘Well, as it happens, I am holding a bottle of red wine in my hand’ you said cheekily holding up the birthday present from Natasha.

‘I am not sure Y/N, we have to be up early’ Cillian said.

‘Common, it’s my birthday’ you said convincingly, causing Cillian to laugh.

‘Alright, I suppose why not’ Cillian said as followed you down the hallway.

‘Your place. Emma is determined to pick up a date at the pub’ you laughed.

‘Yeah, I don’t want to be there for that’ Cillian joked as you walked further down the hallway. Your apartments were on the same floor.

You walked into Cillian’s apartment and took off your jacket before sitting down on the small lounge.

Just after Cillian poured two glasses of red wine and sat down next to you, his phone rang.

The display showed ‘Incoming Call from Nadine’ and he turned his phone to silent.

‘You should let me pick it up, it might solve all your problems’ you joked.

‘It just might’ Cillian laughed as he pressed the ‘Ignore’ button and put the phone down.

Just after the short interruption, Cillian and you began to talk about your work, travelling and some other things until he brought up an uncomfortable topic.

‘Do you remember two weeks ago when I tried to talk you into going out with Finn?’ Cillian asked.

‘Yes, Mr Matchmaker, I remember. Why?’ you said.

‘You said that you had your eyes on someone else…who is it?’ Cillian asked with a laugh, causing you to take a deep breath.

‘Oh god, are you still going on with this?’ you said with a laugh. This was the fourth time Cillian had asked you this question since you mentioned it to him.

‘Common, I have been pondering about this for weeks now. Tell me’ Cillian said.

‘No’ you giggled.

‘I promise I won’t tell anyone’ Cillian said.

‘Stop it’ you responded.

‘Alright, I will take a guess’ Cillian said before taking a pause. ‘Harry?’ Cillian asked, causing you to shake your head.

‘Daryl?’ he asked, causing you to shake your head again.

‘I don’t know then. That’s literally everyone who is around your age’ Cillian laughed.

‘Who said he’s around my age?’ you asked, causing Cillian to raise his eyebrow.

‘Paul?’ he then asked, causing you to shake your head again. Was he really that oblivious?

‘Everyone else is married, I think’ Cillian said.

‘You are not’ you said shyly after taking in a deep breath.

‘Me?’ he asked after taking a deep breath while his blue eyes looked at you, full of questions.

Your heart was pounding, your hand shaking again. There was no turning back now.

‘Yes, you’ you said nervously, looking at him almost fearful about his response.

He drew another deep breath while, in his mind, he was thinking about what to say.

‘Y/N, I feel humbled and it’s not that you aren’t a beautiful and smart woman, but I am more than twice your age’ he said.

‘Ignore the age difference for a minute and tell me that you don’t feel the same, that you don’t want me’ you said.

‘It is irrelevant what I feel and what I want, it still doesn’t make it right’ he responded.

‘But, are you attracted to me? It’s a simple question’ you asked nervously and, after drawing another deep breath, Cillian responded.

‘I’ve been trying very hard not to be...unsuccessfully so’ he sighed, causing you to smile.

‘Alright’ you said with the biggest grin on your face.

‘Alright?’ Cillian asked surprised by your response. This didn’t mean that he was going to give into you just like this and ignore his concerns, or did it?

‘So, what do you propose we do now? This will make things very awkward on set’ he said concerned.  

‘This’ you said as you leaned in and pressed your lips onto his. His lips were just as soft as the last time you kissed on set, but this time there was an intensity and urgency between you.

He gave into the kiss as if there had never been any doubt and, unlike previous kisses you shared in a professional capacity, this time, when his lips parted, you could feel his tongue slip in between your lips and it wasn’t long until your tongues moved in sync with each other.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity and you wanted so much more than taste his lips.

‘This is wrong Y/N’ Cillian said as your lips finally drifted apart.

‘Do you want me to leave?’ you asked, caressing his face, staring at all of the freckles which covered him.

‘No’ he said, earning him a smile from you just as he reached beneath your shirt and pressed his lips back onto yours.

His warm hands ran over the sides of your abdomen, up and down, until he lifted your t-shirt over your head.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen you like this before, but it felt different. His eyes didn’t have to shy away from your breasts and the rest of your body this time.

With his hands cupping your breasts, which were still covered by your black lace bra, the kiss intensified. It became more urgent and more passionate.

Your hands soon found their way beneath Cillian’s t-shirt also and, this time, touching his skin didn’t feel awkward or inappropriate.

Within seconds, his t-shirt landed on the floor next to yours just before Cillian’s fingers had found the clip of your bra.

It didn’t take his skilled fingers long to unclip it and let it join the rest of the clothes which you had already gotten rid of.

He took a moment to look at your breasts, right there in front of him yet again.

‘What’s wrong?’ you asked concerned as you noticed him stare at them.

‘Nothing, just taking in the beautiful view without feeling guilty about it’ Cillian smirked.

‘You checked out my breasts when we were filming, didn’t you?’ you said sheepishly.

‘Of course not’ he said with a laugh before he guided you backwards and down onto your bed.

You both were quick to remove your jeans and, moments later, there you were again, on the bed together wearing nothing but underpants. Just this time, there were no cameras. You were free to touch and kiss each other the way you pleased. It didn’t feel awkward. To the contrary. It felt right.

Hoovering over you again Cillian began to gently kiss your neck while one of his hands ran over your firm breasts. Finally, he was able to touch them, feel every inch of them.

Cillian soon worked his way to the lobe of your ear, playing with it using his tongue. Lightly sucking on it as his hand moved to your other breast, squeezing your nipple gently.

You didn't want this to end, and with a soft moan, you signaled Cillian to continue exploring your body. And so he did. You had never been with a man before, but in the moment, this felt comfortable, felt right.

As he continued to cast his spell on you and work his magic, your body responded. Your lace panties were soaking and your muscles began to vibrate with an unfamiliar feeling.

As Cillian’s lips moved back to your mouth for another passionate kiss, one of his hands wandered further down your body. But he was in no hurry, taking his time explore all of your body.

Cillian’s tongue began to gently drift between your lips and you responded with yours. Your arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer to you as his hand reached the top of your lace panties.

Pushing your panties aside slightly, he ran his fingers over your wet entrance, slowly and gently while his lips never left yours.

You moaned into the kiss just as the tip of one of his fingers dipped into you slightly.

You took in a deep breath and broke the kiss for a brief moment.

‘Cillian, I never had sex with anyone’ you said, causing him to remove his hand from your wet mound.

‘It’s alright. We won’t go that far until you are ready’ he said reassuringly.

‘That’s so embarrassing, I am sorry’ you said.

‘What is?’ Cillian asked, slightly confused.

‘I am 20, it’s weird don’t you think?’ you said shyly, your face flushed.

‘Don’t be silly Y/N. There is no rush’ Cillian said as he ran his hand over your cheek. ‘If it is any consolation to you, I didn’t expect any of this, tonight, with you and I am enjoying every moment of it even if we don’t have sex’ he added.

‘So am I Cillian’ you smiled.

‘Good’ Cillian said before kissing you again gently.

The kiss soon became heated again but Cillian wasn’t taking it further, giving you the chance to set the pace at which you were willing to move.

But, you enjoyed him playing with you, teasing your most intimate parts and, after several more minutes of passionate kisses, you guided his hand back in between your legs.

Your actions earned you a chuckle from him as his lips moved from your lips down to your breasts slowly.

As Cillian was gently trailing kisses over your breasts, your hand made it’s way in between your bodies where it found the elastic of his Calvin Klein briefs.

Cillian moaned briefly against your breasts as you slipped your hand beneath the elastic, gently taking hold of his erection.

His cock was warm and firm and his tip slightly lubricated from the precum that had pooled there.

You moved your hand up and down his shaft, stroking him gently while his fingers began to circle over your clit, making you moan loudly.

Your panties were getting wetter and wetter with each stroke of his fingers and you were grinding against his hand, wanting more.

You were panting and moaning in pleasure as he kept stimulating you with his fingers, until, all of a sudden, me removed his hand making you squirm in protest.

His mouth soon wandered from your breasts down to your stomach, forcing you to let go of his hard cock.

But, as your body responded beneath his, your mind couldn't catch up to the events unfolding between the two of you.

You surrendered and let him take control and it wasn’t long until his lips had reached the top of your panties.

‘Oh god’ you moaned in anticipation just as Cillian took hold of both sides of your panties before slipping them down.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ he asked, unsure about your reaction.

‘No, please don’t’ you said, your hands falling onto the top of your head.

Admiring the view, Cillian let his fingers run up and down your slit slowly and gently, taking the juices leaking from it and spreading them up to the hood over your clit.

You moaned loudly at the sensation as, suddenly, you could feel Cillian’s tongue join his fingers, playfully darting closer to your opening, but not quite getting there.

‘Cillian, fuck’ you moaned as energy was coursing through your body, wanting to release, but not quite getting there. He apparently had received a masters degree in how to play your body.

Suddenly his tongue was there, licking up the sides of each of your lips. Inspecting the crevices.

Your head began to thrash, your hands flew out and grabbed the bedding.

‘Let me know if I hurt you’ was the next thing you heard but didn’t pay much attention to as you felt one of his fingers enter you.

With the mildest of discomfort, you arched your back while moan after moan left your mouth.

For several minutes, his finger went in and out of you gently while his tongue was licking you, circling over your clit.

He wasn’t sure whether or not to add another finger, but he decided to try his luck after reminding you to tell him if he hurts you in any way.

Moments later, he inserted a second finger while continuing to circle your clit with his tongue.

‘Oh fuck’ you moaned. There was a slight discomfort but it didn’t last very long before you felt nothing but pure pleasure.

Cillian’s fingers began rubbing inside of you as he placed his mouth around the hood of your clit and began to suck.

‘Holy Shit Cillian’ you moaned. You could feel him smile against your mound.

You began to squirm but he would not let up and your body began its final ascent.

Waves of electricity were crashing through you and your hips were grinding and bucking under his direct tutelage as your orgasm washed over you.

You were a shaking mess by the time he was done and, when you finally came down from your high, Cillian moved up and gave you a passionate kiss.

You could taste your juices on his lips and it was possibly the most erotic moment you had ever experienced.

‘Your turn’ you smirked before pushing Cillian onto his back against the stash of pillows.

You comment caused Cillian to chuckle just before you leaned over him to kiss him.

‘You know you don’t have to Y/N. There is no rush’ he said, running his hand over your cheek as your lips drifted apart.

‘But I want to’ you said with determination. ‘I might just need a little guidance’ you said shyly before descending down on his body, trailing gentle kisses over his chest and all the way down to his stomach.

You adored his body, it was perfect. He was the most attractive man you ever met.

As you were gently kissing his stomach, your hands moved beneath the rim of his briefs before pulling them down.

His erection sprung up almost instantly as soon as the briefs cam down and you couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment.

‘I think I will just go for it and you tell me if I do something wrong’ you said with a smile as you pinned back your hair into a bun with the hairband that was wrapped around your wrist.

Your comment made Cillian laugh for a moment until he could feel your warm lips on the tip of his cock, at which point the word ‘fuck’ was all that left his mouth.

Moans soon began to escape him as you used your hands to stroke him, up and down, while the head of his cock lolled uneasily on the top of your tongue.

You took him deeper into your mouth with every stroke and, as the third inch made its way into your mouth, your lips were being stretched.

You soon managed to take him in all the way, although it was a struggle.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian moaned as his length disappeared in your mouth.

His comment made you stop and ask whether something was wrong.

‘No, you are doing it perfectly’ Cillian reassured you just before you returned your attention to his very hard cock.

By this time precum had pooled on the tip as you took him back into your mouth. It tasted sweet but yet salty at the same time.

Your tongue began circling around him and then up and down his shaft before returning to the bopping motions.

Cillian leaned back and relaxed as you improved your technique minute by minute.

Each stroke of your tongue was now driving him crazy.

Looking up at him occasionally, you could see that he was enjoying whatever you were doing.

Your tongue was moving like a snake, coating every inch of his velvety soft, yet hard cock with a fine patina of sweet, warm saliva.

It wasn’t long until you could feel Cillian’s cock throb inside your mouth and his breathing was becoming laboured.

His hand was tangled up inside your hair as you continued to bop your head up and down firmly.

‘Y/N, I am close, you might want to stop’ Cillian said, trying hard to hold back.

‘Come in my mouth’ you said confidently before you continued your movements.

Your comment caught Cillian by surprise but he didn’t dare to argue and let go.

Just as your mouth bopped down on his hard shaft again, you could feel him pulsate inside your mouth and, with one loud groan, his warm cum spurted on the back of your tongue.

You continued to bop your head and collect all of his cum until he began to relax.

‘Did you just?’ Cillian asked, and before he could finish his question, you interrupted.

‘Swallow? Yes, what else do you normally do with it?’ you asked with a smirk.

‘I hate sleeping on dirty sheets and I was planning to stay the night, so that seemed like the best option’ you laughed before laid beside Cillian, his arms gently wrapping around you.

‘Hey, I am not complaining’ he laughed as he ran his hands gently over your arms.

‘Didn’t think so’ you said before kissing him again gently.

You fell asleep pretty soon afterwards, curled up against Cillian’s chest.

You both slept well and deep until, at 6am, Cillian’s alarm went off.

‘Oh goddam, what’s the time?’ you asked.

‘6am, why?’ Cillian said as you jumped out of the bed and collected your clothes, trying to put them on as quickly as you can.

‘Y/N, we don’t have a scene until 7am. There is plenty of time’ he said.

‘Yes, but Emma starts at 6.30am. She will notice me not being there’ you explained.

[adorerdraco]

Healing Heart ✧ Draco x Reader Mini-Series PART 3

PART 1

PART 2

Summary: PART 3 ! of Draco accidentally falling in love with reader during his sixth year (HBP) and finally allowing the relationship to blossom! 

Warnings: just the tiniest bit of angst, crying (ofc), Draco sad for a little :(

Words: 7.3K  (THIS IS SO LONG OMG BUT MEMORIES IN ITALICS)

A/N: PART THREEEE !!! I think this is my favorite piece of writing in this series and the LONGEST. I know series start losing an audience after the first part but I hope that those who have been following this enjoy this one as much as I do !  I went off the HBP script bc i wanted Draco to live it up and be happy and playful ! also i do not own gif. 

The sky was a darkening orange, the sun casting its last glowing light of the day as it quickly began to disappear behind the Hogwarts castle. Small birds and other flying creatures passed overhead, going towards their homes in the trees before nightfall, chirping and singing as they did. The sound of wind rustling through leaves from trees and overgrown plants brought a peace in the air between the couple.

Draco turned his head to the side, a soft smile forming on his lips as he observed you. The both of you were on your backs lying on a spot of grass under a small tree, a different tree than the one the two of you had your fall out by a few months prior, requested by you. Draco thought back to a couple weeks ago when you and him had been walking around the outskirts of the school and you had seen it in the distance.

“That tree is cursed,” you muttered bitterly, eyeing it behind Draco’s head. He turned back to look at it and grimaced.

“I’m still terribly sorry about that, love,” he slipped his hand into yours, bringing the pairing up to his lips and gently placing a kiss on your skin. “We’ll find a new spot.”

“Effective immediately,” you nodded in agreement. “Plus, my friends dared me to climb it last year and I fell off and broke my arm and leg. I hate that tree.”

“Arm and leg?!” He stared at you in disbelief, “Merlin’s sake, Y/N, it’s shocking how clumsy you are.”

“You should be glad I’m clumsy,” you retorted, “you wouldn’t have been graced with my presence now if it wasn’t for me tripping into you.”

“I suppose that’s true,” he smiled, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side before pressing a kiss to your temple. “Who would’ve thought that I’d be a fool for the klutz who sprained my finger and busted my lip on two separate occasions before we’ve properly met.”

“On accident!” You exclaimed horrified, stifling a laugh as he did the same.

Your eyes were closed, peacefully allowing yourself to fully bask in the sunlight that was kissing your skin in its golden hues and warmth. Draco turned onto his side, propping himself up with his elbow so he could admire you better. The longer he looked at you, he felt a shiver run down his spine and a foreign queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach appear that he could only describe as tons of tiny blue cornish pixies wreaking havoc on his insides. In simpler terms, butterflies.

“Are you staring at me again, Malfoy?” You hummed quietly, your eyes still closed as you questioned him.

“No, why would I?” He answered with a playful arrogance, the grin on his face widening as your eyebrows furrowed at his answer.

“You’re rude,” you mutter, trying to fight back a smile. “I think I remember you doing the same thing earlier and telling me, and I quote, ‘I can’t believe someone so beautiful is real,’ end quote,” you tried mocking his haughty accent as you quoted him which only earned you a laugh from Draco.

“That sounds nothing like me, you must have me confused with some other poor bloke,” he snickered, a laugh leaving his mouth immediately after. 

Your hand came up and playfully slapped his chest, a smile finally breaking onto your features. “I love hearing you laugh. It makes me happy.”

He slowly leaned over, his face hovering over yours before he leaned down even lower and gently pressed small kisses onto your still closed eyelids, your nose, your forehead and then finally your lips. Your face scrunched after every kiss, except for the last one which you happily returned.

“You make me happy, I have you to thank for the laughs,” he said quietly, his hand reaching up to smooth back the flyaway hairs on your face, “and for several other things. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough.”

You finally open your eyes, peering up at him with a loving gaze. It honestly felt like you had opened your eyes in heaven and an angel was leaning over you, greeting you at the gates of paradise, that angel being the platinum blond boy, his warm gray eyes staring back at you with the same look you had in yours. It was a sight to behold, behind Draco, the sun had gone down, leaving a haze of purple clouds and a pinkish sky, the leaves from the tree above swaying gently in the cooling breeze of dusk. As breathtaking as the scene was, Draco outshines it.

He looked so much more different than he did a little over a month ago, the day he had almost had his meeting with death. His skin had regained some color, he was still pale, but the pink undertones he always used to have had returned. His eyes were a lighter gray, almost a sky blue as they now held a warmth he had been so evidently missing. The bags under his eyes were still there, but not as deep or as dark as they had been before.

A smile reappeared on your face, your palm finding its way to his cheek and resting it there. He leaned into the tender touch, his eyes fluttering closed as he enjoyed the feeling. It felt like a movie, or a book, or a dream, your heart was doing happy flips in your chest as you tried to rationalize how in the world you were in this current position. It was bliss.

“I can’t believe someone so beautiful is real,” you murmur, stealing the compliment he had used on you earlier in the day. Your palm moved up towards his hair, letting your fingers rake through his hair as he smiled.

“Hey, that was my line,” he mumbled.

“No, I got it from some other poor bloke,” you laugh, dropping your hand from his hair. He leaned away from you and lied back down on the grass, an exaggerated sigh leaving his lips as he closed his eyes.

“He sounds dodgy, you should probably stay away from him.”

You rolled over on your stomach and onto Draco’s side, your head falling over his chest as his arm underneath you came up to rest on your lower back. You looked up at him, straining your neck so that your lips could meet his. He lifted his head up slightly, meeting you halfway. Like every time you kissed him, the world around you stopped and it was like every single good thing in the world came together in that one moment. You could always feel the love in his kisses, wordlessly letting you know how much he adored you and cared for you. Just as he could tell the same with yours. 

You pulled away, opening your eyes to see his slowly flutter open. Both of you holding that same dazed and dopey in love look that was there every time your lips left his.

“I could never stay away from him.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Draco let out an irritated huff, marching his way down to the dungeons with his robe billowing around his legs with purpose, similar to how the long and greasy raven haired professor’s often flailed about.

Speaking of said professor, Draco was headed towards Snape’s office after receiving word from one of his Slytherin friends that their Head of House had requested him. The idea of talking to Snape right now made him feel dizzy, knowing full and well he was going to be reminded of his painful duties and be ripped out of the short-lived paradise he has been living in recently.

He didn’t want to leave his bliss, at all. He even neglected mending the vanishing cabinet for a while just so he could put all his attention and efforts on you, something he found to be much more important and rewarding. The plans for Dumbledore, especially, strayed even further from his mind as if they didn’t even exist to him at all.

When he reached the office, the door was already open and he saw Snape standing over his desk, looking down at some papers he had scattered over the old battered wooden surface.

“Mr. Malfoy,” Snape acknowledged lowly, not looking up from the papers, “close the door behind you and have a seat.”

Draco walked in slowly, taking in a deep breath and did as he was told, shutting the heavy wooden door once he forced himself to go inside. He made his way over to one of the empty chairs near the desk and begrudgingly sat down, letting out quietly the shaky breath of air he was holding in. This was the last place he wanted to be.

“Tell me, Draco,” the Professor finally looked up from his papers to give Draco a pointed look, “how is the vanishing cabinet coming along?”

“Fine.”

“Is that so?” He drawled out accusingly, taking short and careful steps around the desk. “Would you say it is able to transport individuals successfully?”

“I haven’t quite gotten it there yet, Professor,” Draco answered weakly, letting his eyes wander around the room and looking at all the different jars lined up against the walls just so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact.

“With that information, it appears to me then, that it is not fine.”

“I’m working on it.”

“Hardly,” Snape sneers, stepping even closer to the chair the cowering boy was sitting in. “Do you think me a fool, Draco? Do you think that I do not know what you have been doing with all of your time? I see that look in your eyes, you’re in love, and stupidly so.”

Draco fearfully looked up at him, seeing a rage beginning to build up in the black of his professor’s eyes. He stayed silent, the sound of his heart rapidly thumping against his chest was the only thing he could hear. It felt as if he were going to explode with panic.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, Professor,” Draco lied through his teeth, locking eyes with the man as he stared him down.

Before he could blink, Snape had taken one long stride towards him, placing both hands on either side of the arms of the chair, Draco immediately leaning as far back as he could as his big-nosed teacher got in his face.

“Don’t lie to me, boy!” He snarled, “I know what love looks like.”

Draco was breathing hard now, his chest rising and falling painfully as his heart began to beat impossibly faster.

“This is no time for fun and games, especially for love,” he grabbed Draco’s left arm, forcefully rolling up his sleeve and flashing the skin upwards towards the blond’s face, “I’m afraid all of that ended the moment you had taken this mark.”

“I didn’t ask for this,” he cried, the Dark Mark was staring angrily at him and he twisted his arm out of the hard grasp it was in, rapidly pushing his sleeve down again so he wouldn’t have to look at it any longer.

“You don’t have a choice!” Snape stepped away from him and looked down at the boy who was quickly breaking down before him. “Your fate and that of your parents, is on the line. Eventually, it will be Miss Y/L/N’s fate in that position as well. There is only so much I can do to help you, Draco. Remind yourself that the Dark Lord doesn’t tolerate or take kindly to any sort of foolery.”

Draco shook violently with tears and anger, his head falling into his hands as all his realities began to hit him all at once. This is exactly the pain he was trying to avoid. He knew he would have to face it again eventually, but not this soon. He figured he would have more time with you. More time to live in the fantasy that left him feeling so euphoric when he got to his dorm at night after a long day of classes with you filling up the spaces in between. He wished he had more time to enjoy his love, the love that was so beautiful and light, so effortless. He wished he had more time to be happy. 

Now here he was, stuck on a path he couldn’t change or control. A path that was forced upon him and had no choice or decision he could make. He often wonders what his life would be like now, if the Dark Lord never came back, his father never went to Azkaban, he never quit quidditch, his mind never tainted in evil plans for murder and destruction. He often imagines that life. He imagines you, waiting for him after a quidditch game, cheeks rosy from the frosty wind that whipped around the stands, smiling up at him so beautifully as he proudly took you into his arms after he caught the Golden Snitch and won Slytherin the Quidditch cup. He would be going to an after party at the common room, everyone praising him and his skills and being jealous of him and the girl on his arm.

He didn’t see it, but Snape gave him a small empathetic look, remembering his own pain and loss at the hands of Voldermort.

“I suggest for you to shift your focus to the more important matters at hand, Mr. Malfoy,” Snape says in a low voice. “You may leave.”

Draco roughly wiped away his tears before he jumped up from the chair and rushed towards the door, pushing it open with his body as he nearly ran out of the dungeons and up towards the Great Hall where dinner was being served. 

Once he entered the hall, his eyes searched for you at your house table, knowing you’d be there with your friends. His eyes scanned up and down the rows a good two times before he finally saw you, throwing your head back in laughter as everyone talked. The pure joy on your face made him feel the tiniest bit lighter and his breathing a fraction easier. 

Your friend noticed him first, tapping your arm vigorously as she pointed in his direction. You turned, your eyes meeting his frazzled ones and you frowned when you realized he had been crying. You threw your napkin down onto the table, hastily slipping out of your seat as you took quick long strides over to him. When you got to him, you slipped your hand into his and walked the two of you out of the hall in a hurry and headed into an empty corridor.

“What happened?” you ask, your voice laced and dripping with worry and concern as your hands reached up to cup his face. “Are you okay?”

Draco let the tears fall again, crying even harder at the your question. He was not okay and soon, neither were you going to be. On his way to you, he made a decision to do something. It was dumb and reckless, but in his mind, he knew it had to be said and done. If there was any sliver of a chance in the future where the two of you lived somewhere near happily ever after, he knew he couldn’t get there if he kept lying to you.

“Y/N, I need to tell you something,” he croaked out, “and you’re not going to like it.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The silence surrounding the top of the astronomy tower was thick and dreadful. The faint moonlight above Hogwarts had cast ghostly shadows onto your faces and illuminated the grimaces you both shared. A cold and bitter wind passed through, picking at and numbing the exposed skin that neither of you cared to acknowledge. You sat on the floor across from him, an empty look filled with tears pooling in your wide eyes. He had told you everything. He pleaded for you to say something, to react, but you couldn’t. You just sat there, frozen and mumbling an almost incoherent ‘I need to think.’

Out of all the things you expected him to tell you, this was not one of them.

It all finally made sense to you. The broken down and erratic state he has been in for months on end was for a very obvious reason now. It was hard for you to grasp at first, wondering how he could ever agree to be a part of something that was so dark and evil. Your mind temporarily mourned the boy, feeling as though that it was over for you two. But the longer you thought, the more it became clear to you that this was in fact, not his choice. It was the first thing he even said to you before he told you about his status as a Death Eater and all the dreadful things he has to accomplish.

And as you stared deeply into his pained eyes, you knew it was true. The Draco you had fallen in love with and are still just as in love with, was the same one sitting before you. Sharing something with you that could potentially jeopardize his life, his family’s life and everything else for the worst. He had trusted you with his darkest and most deepest secret. And it took you less than five minutes to process it all, your final thoughts coming together calmly and without hesitation.

“This doesn’t change anything for me,” you say finally, scooting yourself closer to him and taking his hands in yours. “I still love you all the same.”

A breath of relief left his lips, a sharp and painful ache in his heart suddenly easing drastically the second he heard your words. It was the same relief someone feels when waking up from a nightmare or just bad dream in general, a tranquility settling in that none of it was real and you can let your mind relax.

“But you must see me differently now then?” he then asked with a frown, his relief leaving his body again as his mind hit him with all sorts of pessimistic thoughts and ideas. “I’m not as good as you thought me to be.”

“I do see you differently,” you placed a finger under his chin, gently moving his face so that he could look in your eyes and you noticed the hurt that flashed in his storming gray’s. “I see now that you’re so brave, and so strong. I think it takes a lot of courage to be in your situation and not lose yourself completely. The weight of the world is on your shoulders, but you’re still you and you should be proud of that. You are just as good as I thought you to be.”

He blinked back the tears that had gathered and pricked at his eyes, his hand reaching up gently onto the back of your head as he leaned forward so that now your foreheads were resting against each other. 

“You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you know that?” He states quietly. He placed a kiss on the space between your eyebrows, letting his lips linger intimately as the two of you relished in the feeling of being so close to one another, mind and body. “I love you.”

“I love you,” you repeated affectionately.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

Weeks had gone by in a blur since the night at the astronomy tower, your relationship with Draco had only grown deeper and more meaningful since then. Instead of the ill-fated news tearing you apart, it brought you more closer together than you could have ever imagined. It was as if your souls were finally bare to one another, meeting and embracing each other lovingly on the astral planes.

The dynamic had changed, but only for the greater good as you had encouraged him to spend as much time as he could on the vanishing cabinet. It wasn’t like you wanted him to fix it, but you knew it would come at a great cost if he didn’t so he needed to. You thought back to a couple days after he had told you his duties, frowning at the remembrance of the shame in his voice as he explained everything to you.

“I think I’ll just leave it to rot in the room of requirement,” he muttered bitterly, his eyes focused on his thumb running over the softness of your knuckles. “I’ll just set it on fire and say it was an accident.”

“As much as I’d love for you to do that,” you sigh, “it would be like sentencing yourself to torture and death.”

Draco chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “I’m already headed there.”

“No,” you interject, “you’re not.”

He stayed quiet, trying to get the painful images out of his head that his mind was currently putting on display for him. No matter how many times you told him, he was never able to fully get rid of his pessimistic thoughts.

“He is going to find a way in, eventually,” you lean your head onto his shoulder and he tilts his head to the side so that it rests against yours. “It might as well be you who does it. You need to get onto his good side and from what you’ve told me, it’s only obvious he’s wary of your family.”

“He doesn’t have a good side,” he scowled. “He currently has my father locked in Azkaban, my mother in distress, and me doing his dirty work from within this school. He’s more than wary of us, he’s punishing us already.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, squeezing his hand reassuringly. He sighs, squeezing your hand back.

“It’s alright, love, nothing I can do about it anyways,” he trails off sadly. “But you’re right, I have to do it. I have to fix it.”

From then on, he had split his free time between mending the cabinet and being with you. It was hard for him as it was for you, but either of you knew there was no other way.

You were sitting by yourself next to the Black Lake, hugging your knees to your chest as you mindlessly played with the overgrown weeds you were sitting in. Your wand danced over a patch of dead flowers, wordlessly casting a spell you had learned in Professor Sprout’s class that brought life back into the wilted daisies.

You missed your favorite Slytherin, still not used to not the sudden changes in his schedule that kept him away from you. Your friends obviously kept you company, but there were times like this when you just wanted to be alone and sulk. And sometimes always, you just really missed Draco.

All you wanted at the moment was to hear his laughter, to feel his arms wrap around yours and give you gentle kisses all around your face as you giggled underneath him. To hear him whisper to you how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. It was like a cliche love story that you couldn’t get enough of, it was your life. And you never knew that those same stories you always laughed and made fun of but secretly deeply desired, would come into fruition with Draco Malfoy, the boy you’d had a crush on since third year who never even knew you existed until this year.

Despite everything life had thrown at the two of you in these short but also long months, you had formed something so intense and real that most people would never get to experience, especially someone your age.

You heard a faint flapping of wings get louder as it approached, the shadow of a familiar owl appeared from behind you and you turned to look at it. It was Aquila, Draco’s beautiful and large eagle owl swooping over you before landing in front of you, dropping a letter at your feet. You gave her a little pat on the head, and she closed her eyes gently before she backed away and flew off back towards the owlery.

You unrolled the small piece of parchment and smiled as you read it. 

Just broke something in the room of requirement for tripping over it and it reminded me of you. Now I can’t stop thinking of you. I’m rushing to finish now, I’ll see you soon. xx DM

The parchment was rolled back up and tucked into the pocket of your robe, a happy sigh slipping past your lips as you rested your chin on your knees. Your eyes landed on some familiar glowing fishes in the water near you from a few days ago and you allowed your mind to slip into the memory, yet again.

Draco lied across your lap, your fingers dancing around in his hair as he hummed in content. He loved it when you did that and you always made sure to play with it any chance you got when the blond mop was vulnerable to you.

He had met up with you after a shower and skipped styling his hair, the platinum strands freely going in their natural direction of falling over his forehead. You ran your hand towards his ends, pushing and slicking them back into his old signature hairstyle from when he was little. 

A laugh tumbled from your lips at the sight and he peered up at you, rolling his eyes when he realized why you thought it was funny and sitting up to flatten his hair back down.

“You think my hair is funny, do you?” He accused with a pointed look, but you noticed the laugh that he was trying to hold back. You shook your head ‘no’ while still laughing and he finally smiled. 

He lurched forward, playfully and gently tackling you down into a fluffy bed of dandelions, a ridiculous amount of the puffs from the flowers flying up into the air around you and into the dark night sky. He attacked your collarbones with kisses, your shoulders, up your neck and then your lips. You loved when he would do that, leaving multiple lingering kisses along your skin so he made sure to do it any chance he got, just as you did the same with playing with his hair. 

After he was done snogging you, he sat up again and pulled you up with him, a comfortable silence falling between you two. The comfort only lasted a minute or two before a thought had trickled its way into your head as your hands sat over his forearms. 

“Can I see it?” you asked quietly, afraid of sounding insensitive or offending him you immediately added, “only if you’re comfortable, of course.”

Draco followed your gaze onto his arm and he stiffened, his blood all of a sudden feeling cold in his body. Not once since he’d gotten the mark has he looked at it for longer than a couple seconds, absolutely loathing the fact that it was permanently etched into his skin. He was hesitant, wondering if you would be disgusted by it and him, but you looked at him with such a genuine concern and curiosity that he couldn’t say no.

He fiddled with his sleeve a little, rolling it up towards his elbow and facing the mark towards you so that you could observe it. Instead of looking at it, he looked only at you and your facial expressions, he wanted to see exactly what you thought in the eyes that were the window to the soul.

The mark looked as if it were a scar, it rose a little bit above the rest of his milky skin, angry and swollen. Your fingers ghosted above it, Draco shivering underneath the closeness of your touch. He felt your hand tenderly stroke the mark, your finger tracing its outline with a delicate pressure. The next thing you did was lean down, delicately and lovingly placing a kiss onto something that only represented hate and evil. The complete opposite of everything that you were.

“This doesn’t define you, Dray,” you say warmly as you pull away. “I know you hate it and I know it hurts to see it. But it’s not you. And one day, it might be so faint that it’ll just be a reminder of how you survived and got through the most difficult point of your life.”

He nodded, staying silent as he took in your words. They made him feel better because if that what was you believed, who was he to say it was wrong? He desperately wanted your words to be true, so he happily accepted them and let them relax the part of his mind that constantly doubted himself.

You rolled down his sleeve for him before settling yourself onto his lap and pulling him into a hug. His hands rested themselves on your lower back, one almost slipping down onto your butt before you reached behind you and raised his hand back up as he snickered. He let his head lie against your chest, the even and soft thumping of your heart calming him instantly and he sighed, pressing a kiss into the exposed skin above your shirt.

You reached down beside you and plucked two dandelions from the ground, holding them up and twirling them around in your fingers.

“Muggles like to say that if you make a wish on a dandelion and blow on it, your wish will come true,” you hum, making him look up at you in confusion.

“That sounds ridiculous,” he mumbles. You give him one of the dandelions and smile.

“You never know until you try,” you raised an eyebrow before giving him one. He eyed it with doubt and you pouted, silently pleading for him to do it with you. “Just close your eyes, think of your wish and blow.”

He waited until you squinted your eyes shut, he didn’t, but as he watched you he wordlessly made his wish. He wished that he could have moments like this with you for the rest of his life, moments of loving nirvana. Ironically, you had wished for the exact same thing.

When you opened your eyes, you blew onto the flower and he did the same with his. The both of you watched the fluffs flail about in the wind around you until they were carried higher and higher up into the starry night sky and out of your sights. You held the boy underneath you tighter against you and he followed, his hand again trying to land on your butt but you stopping it again and both of you laughing.

“What did you wish for?” He asked, the question muffled against your sweater.

“If I tell you then it won’t come true.”

“That’s rubbish.”

The afternoon was fleetingly turning into evening, the sun beginning its descent behind Hogwarts and a number of thick clouds had formed in the sky that blocked the beautiful orange sunsets you loved.

“I knew I’d find you here,” Draco announced his presence from behind you, a weird tone in his voice as he approached you. He plopped himself down beside you and gave you a long affectionate kiss before pulling away from you with a half-hearted smile. 

“You seem very cheery,” you teased, poking his frown with your finger before forcing his lips up into a smile and he let out an airy chuckle. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you want the bad news or good news first?”

“Bad.”

“I think I’ve finally fixed the cabinet.” He said suddenly.

“Oh,” was all you could say as you processed his accomplishment. His hand reached for yours, interlocking your fingers with his as he anxiously waited for your answer. “So what’s going to happen next?”

“I’m not sure yet,” he answers honestly. “I suppose I’ll let Snape know and then eventually You-Know-Who will become aware. But I don’t know what chaos lies ahead. I don’t even know if it’s fully mended, I’m waiting until tomorrow to test it out.”

“Why not today?” you ask quietly. You felt your hand beginning to nervously sweat in his as each second of silence passed by.

“I wanted to have one last normal day,” he looks up at you and smiles faintly. You return it even though you felt as though you were nearly about to empty out your stomach from earlier’s lunch. “Before everything changes.”

“So then, what’s the good news?” You desperately wanted to change the topic, hoping that his good news would be enough to ease your panicked mined for the moment and luckily, it did.

“You and I are spending all day and night together,” he responds happily.

“Who said that’s good news?” you eye him mockingly, a goofy smirk making its way onto your lips, your mood improving instantly as you thought of the next 24 hours with your love. He gaped at you in fake shock, blinking slowly as he tried to come up with a comeback that would stump you.

“You know what, Y/L/N, perhaps I’ll ask Pansy instead, she’s been rather fond of me again lately,” he snickers, a look of horror replacing your previous teasing. 

“Absolutely not!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You weren’t aware of how sleepy you were until you had gotten back to Hogwarts, a clock on a faraway wall in the dungeons displayed 1:11 AM. You were stopped right outside the Slytherin common room, Draco pinning you up against a wall as his lips passionately and lovingly danced with yours. Your hands were tangled in his ridiculously soft hair as he gripped onto your hips tightly. 

This was the way the two of you should have been living, every day, stupidly in love like teenagers and having fun.

The whole day had gone by in a flash. Draco had taken you out for an evening stroll around Hogsmeade, stopping at The Three Broomsticks for butterbeer and food where you talked about everything and anything, avoiding any negatives completely and only talking of childhood memories from home and school or of funny stories that had come to mind. He had then taken you to a small jewelry shop where you admired every piece of gem in there and basically begged Draco not to buy you anything which he repeatedly tried to argue against. 

Somewhere along the line, you found a small group of stray cats, dragging Draco by his hand to the little bundle of kittens hidden in a hollowed tree stump. One hissed at the two of you, backing far into the corner of the the stump as it protected the rest of its siblings behind it.

You had reached into your pocket, getting out your wand and pointing it towards the ground in front of them and whispering some spell Draco had never heard of. Suddenly, a small pile of cat food had appeared in a heap on the ground and the two of you watched as the leader of the litter had began to inspect it.

“Where did you learn that?” he laughs in astonishment as the kittens began to hurriedly munch on it.

“I found it in a book about cats in the library one day while I was bored,” you said with a sheepish smile. “Nice to know it came in handy.”

You then began walking around again, this time further away from the castle and the little village and more near the Forbidden Forest. This was the Hogwarts equivalent of long romantic walks along the beach. It was there where you found a small cliff and sat down to rest with your legs dangling wildly over the edge.

“With your track record, you should reconsider the way you’re sitting, darling,” Draco chuckles, his eyes peering over the edge and into the dark and rocky surfaces below before as he shuddered in fear.

“Relax,” you say, pushing yourself back from your spot and standing up before looking up at him. “You really think I’m that clumsy that I’ll fall off a cli-”

Draco reached out for you before he could even process that a chunk of the cliff had given out from underneath you as you stood. You fell into his embrace, the both of you staring down in terror at the tumbling piece of earth, watching it crash and explode as it hit a sharp boulder below. Draco let out a breath of relief, giving you a ‘I told you so’ look.

“Yeah, alright,” you nodded. “I think I’m ready to go home now.”

So now here you two were, still snogging in the dungeons without a care in the world. You were so wrapped up in each other that you hardly noticed the sound of Filch approaching nearby, the sound of his lantern accidentally falling behind a corridor made you finally rip away from the kissing, looking in the direction of the noise.

“It’s Filch!” you hiss before pushing Draco towards the entrance of the common room. He quickly said the password and slipped the two of you inside once the stone had opened up, quietly laughing to each other as you heard Filch yell a distant, ‘students out of bed!’

Draco wasted no time in taking your hand and sneaking you into his Prefect room, the both of you haphazardly tumbling inside out of panic when you had seen another Slytherin passing by somewhere near the staircase to the room. You landed into the room with a ‘thud’ and Draco underneath you with his face twisted in that of pain.

“Oh no, please don’t tell me I’ve done it again,” you scattered off of him, grabbing onto his hand that he had landed on with too much force as he tried to stop both of your falls. His wrist was staring to swell up a strong pink and then red as you felt around the bone.

“You’ve done it again,” he laughs quietly through the pain at seeing your reaction. You gave him a scowl before reaching for your wand at drawing it at his injury.

He admired you as you handled his wrist with the same caring and tender touch that you gave him the last times you had healed him from the accidental trips of fate that had been thrown onto him, literally.

You breathed out a quick, “episkey,” and let relief wash over you as his sprained wrist healed to its original glory and he flexed it back and forth just for your benefit.

“Thank you, my little personal healer and injurer,” he stood up, pulling you with him and gave you a tight embrace that you lazily returned with an exaggerated frown.

“On accident!”

“I’m only joking, love,” he chuckles before giving you a kiss that made up for his teasing. “Also, I got you something.”

You raised an eyebrow, stepping away from him as he reached into his coat pocket. He pulled out a small velvet rectangular box before handing it to. You took it in your shaky hands, opening it up to be greeted with a glittering silver band bracelet, glowing green emerald jewels going all around it. You gasped at its beauty, pulling it out of its box as you looked up at Draco as he beamed at you.

“I know you said not to buy anything, but I had to.”

You flung yourself into his arms, kissing him all over his face as he laughed from underneath you.

“I love it, Dray,” you gleamed, carefully slipping the band onto your wrist. “Thank you.”

He nodded, smiling to himself at satisfaction that he had gotten something for you at the jewelry shop even though you insisted that he didn’t, he couldn’t help himself. Eventually, he thought, he would be adding a diamond ring to your new collection of expensive accessories from him.

You let your attention focus onto the space around you, it was dark and a little disorganized seeing as he was hardly ever in there now, only to sleep. You had been in his room plenty of times recently to talk or if he was feeling upset but this was the first time you were going to actually sleep through the night with him. You weren’t even prepared for the impromptu slumber party, but it didn’t bother you all too much as your boyfriend passed you one of his sleeping shirts and shorts. 

When you clambered into bed with him, legs entangled and bodies pressed up against each other, you sighed sleepily in content. You laid in silence, the sound of steady breathing and a tick and tock of a clock nearly sending you into a deep sleep while you admired the new bracelet on your wrist until your brain started conjuring up thoughts of the very near future.

“It’s all going to be different now, isn’t it?” you mumbled. 

He waited a moment before responding, the same thoughts began to run through his mind and he sighed, letting out a breathless, “yes.”

There was another moment of silence, a painfully quiet one as now the both of you had started to think and torture yourselves even further.

“I’m scared,” you whisper timidly, the grip you had on Draco’s shirt got tighter.

“I am too,” his head turned to meet your eyes, the same wide eye look being held in them that he’s been seeing a lot of that day. “But I promise that no matter what happens, I’m always going to love you. Forever.”

Tears had accidentally slipped from your watery eyes and you buried your face in his neck to inhale his scent to calm yourself down. It was weird in theory, but there was something about the mix of his cologne and minty smelling soap that relaxed your whole body from whatever would be bothering you.

“I say this all the time,” he started again, his hand mindlessly played with your hair as he spoke. “But thank you, for helping me, healing me and not just on the outside. I owe you so much and I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” you cried relentlessly now, “so, so much.”

Draco stayed quiet, his own tears falling now but he didn’t want to make the moment sadder than it already was, so he sucked it up and gave the top of your head a long and amorous kiss while you cried yourself to sleep in his arms.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It was morning, a heavy set of clouds rested over the castle in an eerie and gloomy way. You took it as a sign that everything was going to end up that way, dark and melancholic. It was sad, being the only two people as of right now who knew what was coming to Hogwarts in maybe a couple hours or days time. But there was nothing you could do but hope for the best and silently place your hope that Harry Potter would save the day as he somehow always did. You didn’t dare tell Draco that, however and as much as you disliked Harry for nearly killing your lover not too long ago, you needed to believe that there was hope for a future with no Voldermort.

You walked timidly behind Draco as he guided you to the room of requirement. Your eyes were glued to the back of his perfectly styled head and iron pressed black suit and if you weren’t in such upsetting circumstances, you would have let yourself admire him longer, but you couldn’t quite focus on anything other than what lied ahead.

He had asked you to come with him to test the vanishing cabinet, wanting your support as he brought life to the thing that would bring destruction to the beloved school. You stood quietly, watching the very large doors of the room appear on the wall as Draco called for it silently. 

You had never been in the room before and that was apparent when you looked at everything in awe, seeing all the forgotten artifacts and knickknacks for the first time that were piled onto each other for miles on end. He lead you through the maze of objects until you stopped at a tall and ashy gray run down wardrobe, his other hand grabbing onto the corner of the drape that was feebly covering it and pulled it down in one swift motion causing a pile of dust to fly into the air around you, making you feel suffocated all of a sudden as you stared at the revealed cabinet. 

He let go of your hand, reaching into the pocket of his blazer as he pulled out a small green apple to place inside the middle of the cabinet. You watched carefully as he closed the doors of it and pressed his wand up against the opening, his eyes fluttering closed as he thought of the spell.

“Harmonia Nectere Passus,” a small whooshing sound passed and Draco opened his eyes to check if the apple was still behind the doors. The apple was gone, and your heart sank in fear. This was it. He took one deep breath before shutting the doors closed and placing his wand against them once again. 

“Harmonia Nectere Passus,” he whispered, “Harmonia Nectere Passus.”

The whooshing sound came back and he slowly grabbed the handle of one of the doors, his hand reaching inside of the cabinet and pulling something out. He turned around to face you, his skin paling in fear, the apple was back in his hand and as he turned it, you spotted the new clean bite around its side.

You inhaled sharply, your heart thumping rapidly as you realized what this meant. 

“You fixed it.”

PART 4

TAGLIST: @bluesunflowersz @viirgobbyy @blueleonor @thefandomplace @natt-nih @angelofslytherin @dreamyvcid @ohhsheet-blog-blog (AHHH IM SORRY IF IM FORGETTING SOME OF YOU ;( !!!)

[koos-euphoria]

ᴍɪɴᴇ | ʏᴏᴏɴɢɪ ғᴛ sᴇᴏᴋᴊɪɴ

yoongi/reader ft seokjin | s | 18+ | actor!au | oneshot

wordcount: 5.4K

requested: yes

warnings: Dom!Yoongi, Sub!fem reader, hair pulling, teasing, fingering, dirty talk, pussy eating, throat fucking, possessive!Yoongi, degradation, praising, finger sucking, spanking, choking

— summary: you have to kiss seokjin in a drama, that you star in for the next episode of their reality tv show run bts! yoongi becomes possessive of his girl. So he reacts by showing that you are his, that is by making Seokjin watch him fuck you.

note: yeah.. this is just filled with filth sksksk

ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍ.ʟɪsᴛ | ʙᴛs ᴍ.ʟɪsᴛ

© koos-euphoria 2021. Do not repost, modify or translate.

The camera lens zooms into yours and Seokjin’s face, preparing to shoot. Your eyes running over the script in a hurry to memorise your next lines for the scene that’s about to happen. You feel a makeup sponge bounce on your cheeks delicately as the makeup artist touches up the subtle blush that she’s created. “Okay guys, we be starting the last scene for this run episode in a minute!” The director calls from behind the set. The rest of the boys crowding silently around him wanting to witness the ‘best scene in the whole script’ that is quoted from the director himself. You and Seokjin both give your scripts to one of the staff team as you get in your places, giving one another a small smile before getting into your characters. “Okay guys, in three.. two... one.. ACTION!” The director shouts and you hear a click for somewhere behind the camera.

Rain begins to pour down on both of you as you stare at the man in front of you. “You can’t just leave me y/n, not like this. I need you.” Seokjin stammers, his voice unstable, as he tries to hold back the need to cry. “If you needed me, then I wouldn’t of just seen you with her!” You shout back, your fists clenching by your side as the image that you saw not even five minutes before. The imagine of Seokjin smiling with his ex, as she holds flowers in her hands enters your mind. Your eyes fall shut, as if attempting to erase the picture, the sight of it bringing you so much pain. Oh how it hurts your heart. “It wasn’t what you think! Please... y/n just, let me explain.” Seokjin begs, no longer being able to hold back his sadness, tears freely flowing down his pretty face. As you take deep breath, your own tears begin to fall, one after another. Slowly opening your eyes, you look up at him and take another deep breath. God, you hate seeing him cry. “You have two minutes.” You tell him gently, though it wasn’t a whisper, it is all you could manage, however, your voice to unstable for anything more. Seokjin’s eyes widen slightly, before he scrambles for his words, stuttering. “I b-bumped into her, she already had t-those flowers, she just got back from seeing her boyfriend. Those were not from me, I’d...” Seokjin pauses to take a deep breath, clenching his fists in an attempt to steady his trembling hands. “I don’t love her y/n, she’s just.. she’s not the one I want. Or who I want to be with. That person, she is just someone I used to know.” Seokjin explains, eyes frantically looking everywhere he can see. Scanning across your face, searching for any negative reaction from you. You space out as you take in his words, eyebrows coming into a frown, lips pouting as you become confused. “You.. you don’t love her?” You question, quietly, as you take a small step forward, closer to Seokjin, your hands still clenched by your sides, cautious. Automatically Seokjin erratically shakes his head from side to side, taking his own step closer to you, so close his breath fans over your face, creating some sort of heat that dances along your cheeks. His hand comes up to gently caress your cheek, thumb running along the soft skin. “No. I don’t. She’s not the one I love.” He confirms, your eyes flicker between his eyes and lips. The rain continues to pour down on the pair of you, even as the tears cease, a chill running down your spine as your clothes begin to soak through. Seokjin’s hair sticks to his forehead, as his eyes copy yours, flickering across your face. “Then who?” You whisper, raising a hand to lay on his chest, your breath is felt on Seokjin’s lips and you could almost hear the hitch in his breath. “You. It’s always been you.” He whispers back. Right before he finally closes the gap between you, his free arm slithering around your waist to pull your body against his own. His pillowy soft lips pressing against yours. The kiss full of raw passion. The emotion of pure love. It steals your breath away. The kiss only lasted for about 6 seconds, but it almost felt like a whole minute. Seokjin pulls away first, out of breath, you both pant as he presses his wet forehead on your own, looking into your eyes, neither of you are able to hold back the goofy smiles that spread across your faces. “I love you too.” You whisper to Seokjin.

“and CUT! Well done guys that was great!” The director praises you both enthusiastically, arms wide before he gives you a pat on the back once he’s in front of you. “Thanks!” Seokjin and you both beam. The boys were quick to steal the pair of you away as the director runs to talk to one of the other staff members. “Damn, I was about to cry myself!” Hoseok exclaims as he wipes away a fake tear from his cheek. “Right? It was so beautiful!” Jungkook’s quick to agree with his Hyung, bouncing on the balls of his feet excitedly. “I wanna kiss y/n! You’re lucky Hyung!” Jimin winks at you, a smirk playing on his full lips, making your cheeks flush pink. “Oh me too!” Taehyung chimes in, nodding his head, his dark hair flopping in front of his eyes. “You did great guys.” Namjoon smiles, dimples popping out on his cheeks, his hands stuffed in his pockets. He smiles again as he ignores the other boys comments. You look over at Yoongi, waiting to hear what he thinks, but you find him practically sending Jin to an early grave. The elder coughs awkwardly, windshield like laugh floods the room. “C’mon guys, let get you changed before you catch a cold.” A female staff cheers, you see Jin physically relax as she begins pushing you both away from the boys and towards the changing rooms. Side by side, you and Seokjin joke on the way there, before splitting apart to go into different rooms so you can get changed.

As you take a step out the door, humming happily to yourself freshly changed into dry clothes, you bump into something sturdy, catching you off guard. “Oh!” You shout in fright, not expecting anyone to be there. Your head tilts up to find Yoongi staring harshly back down at you, arms crossed over his chest. Your eyebrows scrunch up worriedly. “Is everything okay Yoongs?” You ask, your hand moving to gently brush the stray strand of hair that is covering his beautiful dark eyes. You see his features soften slightly, a small pout appearing. Cute. “Mmm.” He hums absentmindedly, rolling his eyes, before he grips onto your wrist in time for it to be slowly pulling away. “Come.” He demands, his voice deep and raspy, the harsh look back on his face before he is turning away from you and walking down the long corridor, leaving no room for you to argue.

You practically jog to keep up with a pissed off Yoongi, or what you’re guessing is a pissed off Yoongi, if the clenched jaw and dark eyes are anything to go by. The grip that he has on your wrist isn’t tight but it is enough to have your heart racing inside your chest, and trip over your own two feet. Yoongi pulls you away from the changing room you were just in and past many doors that you don’t have the chance of even looking at, room by room going past you both like a blur. Yoongi comes to a sudden halt, making you awkwardly face plant into his back. “Where are we going Yoongi?” You ask, your voice soft and delicate to his ears, your hand that isn’t occupied in his grasp moves to gently lay on the middle of his back, fingers tips spread apart, pushing lightly to create a bit of distance between you, as you step backwards. His head is turns towards you without a second thought, his chest tightening at how cute you look. Eyes wide like a little dear caught in headlights with a faint blush dusting along the apples of your cheeks, but still. It doesn’t change anything. He’s still pissed. As the quick flicker of the soft emotions appeared, they are gone just as fast. His dark eyes look down at you, almost scarily, causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. The irises expanding, now almost pitch black of colour are practically sending you six feet underground, right then and there. You curse to yourself inside your head as your heartbeat quickens, from nervousness and excitement, but also worry. What’s gotten him so mad?

Moving his whole body, he faces you completely now, his free hand that isn’t wrapped around your wrist, moves to grip your chin, fingers curling around the feature forcing you to look directly at him. “Did you enjoy that kiss?” Yoongi asks, voice low, raspy. It sends a chill down your spine as he completely ignores your question. Your eyes widen as your lips part at the sudden question. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it, who wouldn’t enjoy kissing the worldwide handsome Jin? Obviously someone who isn’t sane. Waiting impatiently, Yoongi’s tongue comes into your view as the wet muscle licks the corner of his mouth, making your thighs clench involuntary. Noticing the subtle motion, the corner of Yoongi’s mouth twitches slightly as if holding back a smirk. He runs his tongue along the rest of his plush bottom lip, his eyes raking over your body top to bottom, checking you out. His bottom lip now glistening with saliva before a deep growl rumbles from the man in front of you. His left eyebrow raises once you move your eyes back into his. “Y-yes, I did.” You stutter, your fingers twitching as you fidget nervously, already knowing he’s not gonna like your answer. Your cheeks flush red as you watch Yoongi’s eyes turn even darker, narrowing at you. Whizzing back around after dropping his grip on your chin, Yoongi grasps the door handle with his now free hand, almost aggressively, proceeding to push the wooden door open after a loud click echos through the empty hallway. Moving himself into the room, his fingers instantly find the light switch, flicking it so the room is suddenly bright, almost blindingly so. A swift tug to your wrist, is all that Yoongi gives you to have you stumbling into his chest, grasping the soft material of his shirt between your fingers, as he pushes the door shut behind you.

Before you even have the time to remove your hands from him and flatten the new crinkles that you’ve made in Yoongi’s shirt, he looks down at you, one hand coming under your chin again, gripping it as he silently pulls you up straight. You suddenly gasp as you feel your back roughly hitting the door behind you. His other hand suddenly leaves your wrist and finds its way in your hair gripping at the roots. The feeling has your pussy clenching, a whimper falling from your parted lips. Yoongi ducks his head down causing your breath to catch in your throat. It was almost overwhelming how little he’s doing with how much it’s affecting you. The feeling of Yoongi’s lips trailing along your exposed collarbone renders you speechless, as his warm breath ghosts along the skin forcing goosebumps to rise, it makes him smirk. Oh how he loves just how easy it is to get reactions from you. So sensitive. Humming, he trails his feather-light touches of his lips along your neck, stopping once he reaches the part just below your ear as that has your fingers tightening in his shirt, crumpling it further. His teeth nip at the flesh and you keen, moaning, your knees buckle weakly. Yoongi chuckles darkly as he licks and kisses the sensitive spot before he decides to mark it, sucking on the skin. When he pulls away you see him slightly nod in approval, when he sees the fresh purple colour it’s turned to. Ducking back down he nips again, this time at your lobe, and your eyes instinctively shut, lashes tickling the tops of your cheeks as they flutter. You can feel the material of your underwear sticking your folds, as you get more worked up at Yoongi’s hot mouth. Yoongi gives a small tug on your roots, making you mewl. “Look at you. So responsive and I’ve barely even done anything.” Another tug to your roots, this time harsher as he forces your head back, making it slightly thud against the door, but you couldn’t care less as the pain only adds fuel to the throbbing between your legs. Your hole clenching, feeling far too empty. You whimper, attempting you grind on something, your eyes glazing over as you look up at Yoongi, to find him darkly staring back at you, a Sultry smirk on his lips, like he can read just how desperate you’re becoming by the second, how needy you are to have him. “I bet you’re soaking, hm?” Yoongi asks rhetorically.

Yoongi doesn’t need an answer, as the hand that was wrapped under your chin moves south, the tips of his fingers brushing past the tops your breasts on the way down, continuing until he reached the inside of your bare thigh. Two fingers then start trailing upwards, slowly, his feather light touch, torturing you. “Yoongi p-please.” You beg, and oh how sweet you sound. It makes Yoongi cock twitch inside his tight jeans. His lip is captured between his teeth, as he continues the slow pace. “Please what, what do you want Kitten?” He asks huskily. Kitten, fuck. That name effects you more than you ever thought it would, especially when it’s mixed with his deep voice. It makes your cunt drip. His fingers finally reach the hem of your skirt, playing with the material as his smirk deepens. Your eyebrows furrow, very frustrated. “Need y-your fingers, p-please, f-fuck need it so bad.” You beg again, stuttering over your words, unable to hold back the slight whine as his finger slips under the hem of your skirt, to continue the trail, his pace still slow. “My fingers? Where exactly do you need my fingers huh?” Yoongi teases, and god does it drive you crazy. Your knees begins to wobble in want, the grip on his shirt becoming even tighter as you cry out in frustration. “My p-pussy!” Yoongi chuckles at this as his lips attach onto your own, the taste of him flooding your senses. It makes you all the more needier for him as you feel his tongue lick at your lip, wanting entrance, which you give him, his tongue instantly moving to wrestle with your own. He swallows the moan that leaves you mouth as you finally feel his long fingers on your underwear. He groans, pulling away with your lip between his teeth, letting go after a second. “Fuck your so wet, Kitten.” His own eyebrows furrow, licking his lips, the taste of your mouth still there. “P-please.” You whisper, sliding your hands that sits in Yoongi’s shirt up and into his dark hair, pulling him back down to your mouth.

Yoongi wastes no time now, as he moves the lace material of your underwear to the side, his two fingers automatically running through your slick folds. Circling your hole, he collects your juices before running them up to your clit, circling the bud. Pleasure flows through your veins as you part from his mouth, gasping. “Fuck!” You moan, and the grip on your hair disappears as Yoongi’s falling to his knees in a blink of an eye. His eyes hungry, taking in your needy cunt. Using his free hand he moves your skirt so it’s bunched around your stomach, finding it in the way as he groans out. “Look at you. Who made you this wet hm?” He asks, as he leans forward his breath hitting the soft skin just above your sensitive clit. “You, Yoongi.” You answer him breathlessly, and that’s all he needed to hear for his digits to slide down to your hole, and his mouth to attach onto your clit. A loud whine leaves your mouth when his tongue first flicks on the little nub, your head banging against the door again, this time harder. His fingers slowly push their way past you tight hole, your mouth falling open in a silent moan as you feel the burning pleasure of being stretched open. Your fingers tangle through the soft strands of Yoongi’s hair, tugging lightly, forcing a deep groan to be released from him below. His two fingers curl deliciously on the spongey spot buried deep inside your cunt, over and over. It has your toes curling and eyes rolling back. Your mouth releasing noice you’ve never even made before. “Mmm that’s it, Kitten, are you gonna cum? Your clenching around my fingers so tight.” Yoongi pulls slightly away from your pussy panting, trying to catch his breath, a dark glimmer of mischief shines in his eyes. You don’t manage to pick up on it though, your heads to clouded with lust and the desperate need to cum. “P-please Yoongi, I’m so close.” You whine, tugging on his hair, pulling him back to your aching cunt. You’re so close, just a second longer and you’ll be there, floating in ecstasy. Your legs begin to shake and your pussy tightens around his fingers like a vice, making Yoongi groan in want and just as you’re about to step into that sweet release, Yoongi pulls his whole body away from you, your cunt empty and your painfully close orgasm fades into nothing.

“W-what? No, I was so close!” You practically sob, tears filling your eyes. Yoongi stands up and moves so close to you, toes touching but nothing else. Capturing your eyes, he lifts his hands up, the two fingers that were inside your cunt, taps your bottom lip before sliding along the red flesh. “Open.” Yoongi demands. You listen instantly stuck in some sort of lust filled trace. Yoongi hums to himself, loving how obedient you are as he pushes his digits between your lips. The taste of yourself fills your senses and you couldn’t hold back the small whimper building up inside you. “Suck. Thaaats a good girl.” He praises you as you hallow your cheeks, bobbing your head on his fingers, imagining to yourself that it’s something else entirely. Yoongi swallows as the same image flash his mind. The thought of your lips wrapped around his fat cock has it twitching. Just as he opens his mouth to tell you to get on your knees. There’s a knock at the door. “Yoongi-ah, are you in there? Have you seen Y/n? She’s missing.” Seokjin shouts. Looking at Yoongi, he seems to be caught in his thoughts so just as you’re about to answer for him his hand that you were sucking on pulls out from between your lips and covers your mouth, keeping you quiet. His dark eyes are on you again, almost daring you to speak. With his other hand gripping your arm, he moves you both away from the door, and once he’s in a place he likes his hand slides up your arm, tickling the skin until he reaches your shoulder. He presses you down and you fall loudly onto your knees, hissing at the small pain. “Yoongi-ah?” Jin shouts again, knocking. Yoongi looks down at you, smirking as he begins to unbuckle his belt and unzip the zipper of his jeans. Only pulling his boxers down enough to reveal his very hard cock.

You almost choke at the sight of him, not only is he long, but he’s thick, so thick. It makes you wonder how the fuck are you gonna even fit that inside you. Yoongi still smirking grasps his cock in one hand, running his hand up and down along his shaft. A drop of dripping from the tip and you lick your lip hungrily. This earns a chuckle from Yoongi. “Wanna suck my cock, Kitten?” He asks, his head tilting slightly to the side, and you nod so fast, needy. “Open up then.” He says as he taps the tip on your mouth as if to enticed you further. Obeying, you open up and Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to slide his cock inside right to the hilt, in one swift thrust, the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue in the process. You feel a hand in you hair holding you still as your nose brushes the skin above. Yoongi moans deeply as his head falls back, his eyes screwed shut. Another knock at the door brings his attention back to you, the same mischievous glint in his eyes. This time you see it, your eyes widening in wonder of what he’s about to do. The free hand that isn’t tangled in your hair moves to your cheek caressing it gently, thumb running along your cheek bone almost lovingly. It makes your heart sore. “Come in.” Yoongi’s raspy voice echos and it makes you jump as it practically slices through the almost silent room, other than the sound of your gags from his cock sitting snuggly inside your throat.

You can almost feel the stare that Seokjin is giving on the side of your face, and as you go to look as him, Yoongi growls out, his loving grip turning harsh on your jaw, forcing you to stay looking at him. “Eyes on me. It’s my cock down your throat. Not his.” Yoongi spits. His head looks back at his elder, smirking. “Ah, Hyung, how nice of you to join us. Why don’t you take a seat, hm?” His head tilts, dark hair moving with the action. When you think Seokjin was gonna turn around and leave, he actually walks closer taking the seat at the side of you both, one leg crossing over the other wordlessly. Yoongi’s head turns back to you, his cock twitching, almost like he forgot for a second that is was between your spit covered lips. “Now, where were we Kitten, hm?” He chuckles, pulling his hips out slightly before pushing back in, repeating the motion over and over, a steady rhythm of his hips, as he fucks your throat. “Such a good girl for me, letting me use your throat. My perfect little fuck doll.” Yoongi praises, his grip tightening in your hair in time with his last sentence. “So pretty with your lips around my fat cock, Kitten.” Your cunt clenches around nothing as you whine, though it sounds nothing like a whine from the way Yoongi started thrusting fast making you gag and choke around him. “Your throat’s so tight, almost want to cum down it.” He reveals, and you moan in approval, the thought of drinking Yoongi’s cum sounds more than appetising. “Oh you want that huh? Want to drink my cum, like a little cumslut huh?” Yoongi asks, and you try to nod your head as best as you could with your mouth stuffed. It makes Yoongi chuckle, mockingly. “Hm as much as I would like that, I’m making Seokjin hyung watch me take what’s mine. So, I’m cuming no where but inside that tight little cunt of yours.” He tells you. Oh what a filthy mouth he has, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t love it. If your dripping cunt is anything to go by and the way it’s starting to run down the tops of your thighs. You almost forgot that Seokjin was even there, as you see him fidget from the corner of your eyes. But before you could even give him the slightest attention Yoongi pulls his cock from your mouth, gripping your arm, as he pulls you up from your knees to stand. Turning you around so your back is towards him he runs one hand up your spine, stopping once he reaches between your shoulder blades. Applying slight pressure he pushes you down so your top half is leaning on a table. A table that you didn’t even realise was there, as your body jerks from the cold wood.

Yoongi kicks your feet apart as he grasps the material of your underwear, pulling it to the side again. You groan when you feel his cock touch your folds lightly, making him chuckle. “Hm so excited for cock aren’t you, Kitten?” He asks teasingly, and you nod your head, but your lack of words makes Yoongi tut, bringing his hand back before swatting your ass cheek, quick and hard. Your whole body jumps forward, hipbone digging into the edge of the table, you gasp at the sting, the pain only adding to the arousal between your legs. “Words, Kitten. Use them.” He demands, and you obey, fast, so needy, that you whine lightly, you don’t even care as Seokjin chuckles from beside you. “Yes, fuck yes, want your cock.” Yoongi hums to himself, wrapping his hand around his girth he teases the head along your folds, tapping your clit twice with the tip before aligning his cock to your awaiting hole. “Yeah? Want my cock?” He asks again. “Hm, I can feel you clenching around nothing, greedy girl.” He says, while spanking your ass twice. “Beg for my cock. Show Jin how pretty you sound when you beg for me.” Yoongi tells you.

You don’t even wait as words spill from your mouth, not even holding back forgetting about Jin’s obvious presence at the side of you. “Please Yoongi, please, want it bad, want you. Please.” Tears spring to the corners of your eyes, so desperate to feel him buried inside your cunt. You can tell that Yoongi is loving every second and every whimper or whine that leaves your mouth. All for him. A gasp leaves your lips as Yoongi pushes the tip of his cock in your cunt, the blissful burning stretch of the tip makes you choke on your saliva. “Fuck so tight.” Yoongi curses through clenched teeth, pushing in his cock further, a hand grips your hip hard enough to bruise as the other wraps around your throat. Not choking you but just the feeling of it being there is enough to have adrenaline running through your veins excitedly. As his hips are flush against your plump ass cheeks, you both groan loudly In unison. The feeling of your cunt walls hugging Yoongi’s fat cock so nicely, forces him to take his bottom lip between his teeth. Your legs are already shaking at how good he feels inside you, so full, and you get impatient, wriggling your hips in effort to make him move and fuck you dumb. “Ah ah. Naughty girl.” Yoongi says disapprovingly, his hand tightening around your throat slightly.

He begins to pull his cock slowly out of you until nothing but the tip is inside you once again. “Tell Seokjin you're mine.” Yoongi growls, his teeth clenched, and you keen, arching your back, “I’m yours, Yoongi.” You moan breathily, and that’s when Yoongi pushes his cock back in. Hard. Knocking all the air out of your lungs. “Yeah. All mine.” Yoongi states, cockily, his eyes flicking to his Hyung for a split second. Picking up a fast pace, controlling it so his cock reaches deep inside you, his tip kissing that spot that has your toes curling and you eyes rolling back. His hand releases his grip on your neck, sliding up until he reaches your jaw. Leaning his body over you, his chest against your back. He forces your head to face Seokjin, taking in the sight of him. Man spreading, cheeks flushes and his hands rub at his cloth covers cock. A delicious sight. You feel Yoongi’s breath hit the side of your face, as he growls out. “Mine.” Taking your lobe between his teeth, you whimper. “Tell him.” Yoongi grits, fucking into your cunt harder, as his other hand works his way around over your tummy and between your thighs, teasing your clit. “Go on.” He demands, letting go of your jaw he stands back up, both hands gripping your waist fucking into you. You gasp for breath desperately trying to grasp onto something, anything, until they land on the edge of the table. “I’m yours, fuck.” You whine, your mouth dropping open as your brows pinch together. Your high, so close once again.

Your eyes widen however as Yoongi pulls out, turning you over and lifts your ass up onto the table. Whining at being edged once again, Yoongi grips your thighs, spreading them before he lets go of one to help push his cock back inside your tight, leaking hole. “Oh-” You moan out, falling back onto your elbows as Yoongi picks up where he stopped, his hand going back to your thigh not wasting any time as he begins his same pace. “Hm, so pretty when my cocks splitting your little cunt open, Kitten.” Yoongi praises. “Isn’t she Hyung?” You hear a small, breathy ‘yes’ leave Seokjin’s bitten lips. You keen at the praise, as your head falls back. “C-close!” You shout, as you force your head back up to look into Yoongi’s eyes, your own being wide. “Hm, I can tell, squeezing my fat cock so good.” Yoongi moans, giving you one harsh thrust as if to emphasise his words. “Mmm love your fat cock.” You babble mindlessly, earning a chuckle from Yoongi, though his own eyebrows pinch together and his tongue licks the corner of his mouth. Sweat dripping down his temples as his hair sticks to him. You looking like a similar picture. The feeling of his cock twitching inside is enough to show he too is close. “I know, wanna feel you cum on my fat cock right now though, baby.” He says, as he slides his hand further up your thigh until he’s rubbing at your clit in circles. “Be a good girl and cum for me.” He purrs, leaning over your frame, his body encasing your own. Your body stiffens as you feel euphoria run through you. Your vision turning white as you cum, hard. “F-fuck! Baby, where do you want my cum?” Yoongi gasps, your cunt like a vice around his girth. “Inside, god, want it inside please.” You cry out. “Shit!” Yoongi curses, his mouth fits over yours as he kisses you, all tongue and teeth. As spurts of his cum hit your walls coating them.

The after glow of your orgasms wash over you as you continue to kiss, Yoongi’s arms wrapping around your frame holding you against him as you wrap your arms around his neck. Pulling away from you with a final peck, Yoongi flashes a gummy smile, running a hand along your spine comfortingly. “Are you done?” Seokjin’s strained voice is heard properly for the first time since he has entered the room and you immediately flush burying your face into Yoongi neck embarrassed. “I think you’ve made your point Yoongi.” Jin teases further, an eyebrow raises as he uses the arms of the chair to push himself up. “So, uh, yeah, I’ll be leaving, thanks for the uh, free porn show guys.” Is Seokjin’s final words before he walks vacates the room, the tips of his ears bright red. Unbothered, Yoongi just chuckles turning back to you, placing a kiss in your hair, as he breathes in your scent. “Did you mean it?” He whispers, and you pull your face away from the warmth of his neck arms falling to the table to hold your weight up, confused. “Mean what?” You ask, tilting your head, your hair falling in front of your face, just for Yoongi you brush it behind your ear softly, smiling like a lovesick puppy. “That you’re mine.” His voice surprisingly steady despite how nervous he really is. “Yeah, I’m yours Yoongs, always have been.” You whisper leaning into Yoongi’s soft touch, inwardly cooing as Yoongi’s gummy smile appears of his face once again. “Good, and uh incase you didn’t know, I’m yours y/n.” He confesses, but you giggle at him, leaning up to place your lips on his quickly, in a small kiss. “I know.” You say softly, leaning further back you properly look at yoongi’s flushed face, post sex hair, thin layer of sweat covering his skin, kiss swollen lips. A sight that has your cunt clenching, around the cock that’s still buried inside you. Grunting, Yoongi’s gummy smile quickly turns into a small smirk. “Round 2?”

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