#the royal order of the holy mackerel

[ckret2]

Chapter 27 of human Bill Cipher trying to trick his captors into liking him, featuring a mall shopping trip that turns into this:

Also, Bill faces the most difficult ethical dilemma of his life: should he act like a big jerk to a 13-year-old.

####

As they left the cheap jewelry kiosk, Bill tapped his new dress shoe against Stan's ankle to catch his attention. "Hey. Your cut." He flipped a ring in the air.

Stan caught it and inspected the symbol on its surface. "Is that the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel?"

"You gave your protégé your fez, I thought you might want a replacement! I know how proud you are of your lodge membership, Fisherman."

Stan admiringly studied the ring and its open-mouthed crescent fish; then the corners of his mouth turned down. "Ahhh, it wasn't my membership." He stuffed the ring in his pocket.

"No? I got one with the Fishmasons symbol if you'd like that better." Bill spun the oversized ring on one finger. It slipped off and he fumbled trying to catch it.

In the smoothest move he'd pulled all summer, Dipper caught the ring before it hit the floor. He ignored Bill's outstretched hand and inspected the complicated tool-lined diamond symbol. "Fishmasons? I thought they were called..."

"Yeah, you would," Bill scoffed. "Do you believe everything you read in The Paranoia Code? You know novels are usually fictional, right?"

"But don't masons work with stone? How does a 'fish mason' make sense?"

"If everyone knew what it meant, it wouldn't be a secret society, would it?"

Dipper gave up on prying anything more than snark out of Bill and turned toward Stan. "The Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel is associated with the Fishmasons, right?"

"Yeah," Stan said, "they're uh, sister organizations or something, I think. It's complicated."

"It's a spin-off organization," Bill said. "All Mackerels are Fishers. Once you've reached the top rank in the Fishers, you're eligible to join the Holy Mackerel."

"Yeah. What he said."

Dipper nodded. "Sooo... is it true that the Fishmasons are secretly... working with the government, or...? I mean, yeah, I read it in a book. But they've had a lot of real historical figures."

Stan snorted dismissively. "If they are, they didn't invite me to those meetings."

"Well sure. The lodge that decides politics is in D.C.," Bill lied. Dipper's head whipped around to stare at him. Ha. When they got home, Bill would have to spend some time deciding which would be the stupidest conspiracy theory rabbit holes to send Dipper down. If he played his cards right, by Thanksgiving he could have the kid spouting rubbish that would alienate half his extended family.

"Would you stop staring at me like that?" He shoved the side of Dipper's face; and, while he was distracted, grabbed back the Fisher ring to inspect its symbol. Kryptos's face. Far better drawn than Bill could do. And the thin little layer of gold atop the ring should be enough to enhance Bill's psychic signal. Maybe that would be enough to get a call through to the Nightmare Realm.

He tucked the ring in his shoe and turned to Stan. "Anyway, if you think that was good, you should see what I can do in a real jewelry store. What do you say?"

"I dunno. Jewelry shops are tricky, they're always on the lookout for shoplifters."

"They never catch teams and we've got two rambunctious kids to split their attention. I'll do the distracting, you do the lifting. When's the last time you had a gold watch that isn't cursed?"

"Nope!" Mabel, who'd been trailing behind the group with her arms crossed, finally shoved her way between Stan and Bill. "That's enough! We came here for a good time, not a crime time!"

"We came here to go shopping," Stan protested. "We're shopping!"

"Yeah, we're just getting the best discount possible."

"It's like advanced couponing."

Bill laughed. "Hey, I like that."

"No!" Mabel stood in front of them, arms and feet spread wide like a barrier. "Grunkle Stan, you should know better. You're letting—" she dropped her voice to an emphatic whisper, "Bill talk you into doing bad stuff. The whole reason you came along was to make sure he can't do that!"

Stan snapped, "Oh, like you didn't just make us stand around for an hour while you played dress up with him! Why's it okay when you play with the demon, but nobody else can make him useful?"

Mabel winced. "No, that's not... I mean..."

If this conversation went the wrong way, Stan and Mabel might both talk each other out of doing anything interesting with Bill. He'd better defuse this situation quick. "Hey, c'mon, Stanley, that's your niece. Don't be so hard on her."

There was a flicker of irritation on Stan's face directed at Bill, followed by a flicker of guilt toward Mabel, followed by him grunting and refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

That was one threat neutralized. Bill turned his grin on Mabel. "Sorry for monopolizing the trip, kid. We'll make it up to you! Fordsy got you that cute crystal bracelet, didn't he—wanna graduate to some real gemstones?"

"Hey, yeah," Stan said, immediately perking up. "You like jewelry! I can get you something with hearts or kittens. Way better than a bunch of boring rocks." Bill mentally patted himself on the back. Oh, he was so good at this. Good old sibling rivalry. Families were so easy to manipulate.

Mabel slapped her hand over the rainbow crystal bracelet mixed amidst her other bracelets. "I don't want you to get me real jewelry!" she shouted; but Stan had already set out on his new mission, with Bill trotting along just behind him. "Not if you have to steal it!"

"Relax!" Bill waved without turning around. "We're a couple of pros, you've got nothing to worry about." He elbowed Stan before he could absorb Mabel's protests. "Don't worry, once she's older she'll appreciate what a financial investment fine jewelry is. Never too early to buy a little gold. Or—well—acquire gold."

"Yeah," Stan said, "who knows when the next apocalypse is gonna be."

"Could be any day now," Bill lied.

"The only bracelet I want is this one!" Mabel waved her arm in the air, pointing at the shooting star friendship bracelet Bill had made. But Stan and Bill were too far away to care about her protests now.

Mabel's shoulders slumped. She glowered at the friendship bracelet. It didn't seem as friendly as it did when Bill gave it to her. "This whole trip was a mistake, wasn't it."

Dipper grimaced. "I didn't say it."

"You don't have to." Mabel sighed heavily. "I don't know what got into me. B—Goldie's been so nice lately, I thought he was making progress! But he's been nothing but a creep today. Guess the niceness was all an act."

"He can act nice for a long time. It took Grunkle Ford almost three years to figure out how evil he is." When Dipper concluded that this hadn't had the comforting effect he'd intended, he asked, "Do you wanna tip off security about the jewelry heist?"

Mabel sighed again. "No, I don't want Grunkle Stan to get in trouble. And if Goldie's arrested he might spill the beans to mall security. Let's just wait outside by the car."

"Yeah, all right," Dipper said. "If they don't come out in twenty minutes, we'll call Ford."

Headed the other way across the mall, Bill said, "So, a watch for you, a necklace or something for the kid, and for me... they probably don't have crowns here, so—"

"Whoa, hey, I don't remember offering to get you anything," Stan said. "I already got you fancy shoes and a bunch of clothes. We're square."

"We're no such thing. Besides, why should I help you if I'm not getting anything?" Bill asked. "Maybe earrings? Gimme a nail when we get home and I can pierce my own ears—"

His arm was wrenched backwards and he fell on his back.

Thirty feet away, Mabel yelped as she was yanked back and landed on her butt.

Bill and Mabel turned around and stared at each other.

Bill said, "Right! Forgot about that. Just—get over here."

"No!" Mabel shouted. "You get over here!"

Bill scowled. "Come on, kid. Your great-uncle and I are trying to do something here. If you don't want to come along, at least let Stanley have the other half of the bracelet—"

"I said NO!" Mabel planted her feet wide apart and tugged her wrist back as far as it could go. "You used me! You were only nice so you could go outside and I fell for it! As soon as you got what you wanted, you started acting like a huge poop face again!"

"Wow, language—"

"I'm not helping you anymore!"

Bill could feel his face heating up. "Kid, don't be ridiculous! You can't stand there forever! You're being..." selfish, irrational, petty—what word would get him what he wanted?

The pedestrian chatter over the inoffensive mall music had fallen silent. The feeling of being watched crawled over his back. (He seemed to discover another unpleasant new human bodily sensation every day.) Oh. Witnesses. There was no way the stranger in a shouting match with a little girl was coming out of this looking cool.

He could still save face if he got her uncle to do Bill's arguing for him. He turned hopefully to his new shoplifting buddy. "C'mon, she's—she's being unreasonable, right? We're talking about one watch, here."

And Bill had lost him. Stan's expression hardened. He crossed his arms and Bill flinched at the movement. "If a stupid watch is gonna upset Mabel that much..."

Families were so difficult to manipulate! Why did they have to gang up on him, it wasn't fair. He shot a furious glower at Mabel.

And then laughed, loudly enough for the rubberneckers to hear. "Okay, okay! You win. Sheesh, you look so serious. Peace talks in front of the Kidz Zone?"

Sternly, Mabel said, "Okay, but you do not get to ride the little coin-operated train."

"I wasn't gonna ask!" Bill paused. "Or the—?"

"Or the helicopter!"

Dipper called, "You haven't earned it, man."

"Fine," Bill snapped, "I didn't want to ride it." Swallow your disappointment, Cipher. Just play it cool.

When they'd rendezvoused, Bill said, "Okay, I might have gone a little overboard. Big deal. But we've been here all afternoon, we haven't eaten, I'm sure that's why everyone's so testy. Let's just swing by the food court and then get out of here."

Mabel frowned. "You're just trying to get us to stay."

"Yes. I am. So that we can eat before we go." If he ended this on a win, even a small win, that would be what everyone took away and he could call this trip progress. "Funny thing about human bodies is they need to be fed a couple times a day. Maybe you've noticed."

Dipper frowned. "Dude, you're only eating twice a day?"

"I don't question your diet, get off my back. What do you think, Stanley, feed the kids before we go?" Bill might've lost Mabel, but he had a shot at securing Stan. He could work on Mabel again once they were home. "You wanna drive home a couple of cranky teens, or a couple of cranky and hungry teens?"

Dipper snapped, "We're only cranky because of—!"

"Nah, he's right," Stan said wearily. "I'm starving. We'll grab something quick to eat."

Bill immediately perked up; but Mabel's frown deepened.

####

"I want chicken strips," Dipper said. 

Mabel said, "I'm getting pizza."

Bill said, "I want—"

"I don't care what you want," Stan said. "I'm getting a burger and you're getting the fries."

"Oh, so you want to find out what I'm like when I'm the cranky and hungry one?"

Stan grunted. "Fine. Your budget's five dollars. I really do only have a twenty."

"Fine." Bill drifted over to Mabel, who'd gotten in line in front of the food court's pizza booth. "Hey, Shooting Star—"

"Leave me alone, jerk."

"Whoa, am I not allowed to get a slice of pizza?"

Mabel didn't respond. She was glaring through the glass display window at the available pizza flavors as she waited for her turn to order. Apparently Bill interpreted that as permission to stay and look over the flavors himself. 

Standing so close to Bill Cipher when Mabel didn't want him there was like having a monster breathing down her neck. She hadn't realized how hover-y he could get until it stopped being fun. She remembered something like this from Ford's lesson on cults and con artists, how they try to get into your head by talking and talking and not giving you any time and space to breathe.

She could feel Bill's heavy gaze on the side of her face. Dipper and Stan were at the next restaurant over, but Bill stood between her and them. The chain bracelet on her wrist felt like a handcuff. She wanted to rip it off and be free of him. She wanted to go home.

"I've never had American pizza before," Bill said. "What do you think, cheese or Hawaiian?"

Mabel screwed up her face. "Ew, the one with pineapple?"

Bill's grin twitched wider. "Is that a vote for cheese, then?"

Gross, he was trying to get her to talk again. She glared at the pizza more determinedly. "Get what you want, I don't care."

Bill sighed. "Fine. You're no fun." He looked over the pizzas—standing too close—for one brief moment of heavy silence; and then, pointing between the cheese and Hawaiian, murmured to himself, "Eenie, meenie, miney..."

Mabel's whole body went stiff.

####

She felt the oppressive oven-like heat of Bill's dark floating pyramid, a too-euclidean temple built without the comfort of humans in mind, so hot that touching the walls burned your skin; and she felt a sticky sweat running down her back. She felt the constant electrical static of Bill's glowing shadowy grip around her waist. Every time she shifted and struggled, her sweater crackled and stung her. Bill's hand felt like nothing, absolutely nothing, and it was crushing and inescapable.

She could hear his voice, that forced jollity pushing to the verge of exhausted hysteria, saying, "I think I'm gonna kill one of them now just for the heck of it!"

She could see his eye like a blood red spotlight, eye like an incinerating laser, the light swallowing her and Dipper; she heard her heartbeat pounding in her ears; she saw the symbol that represented her flashing in Bill's eye, and even before he stopped she knew it would be her. 

"EENIE... MEENIE... MINEY..."

She saw his hand tremble with rage as he prepared to snap her out of existence.

"YOU!"

####

"Hey, you." Bill put a hand on Mabel's shoulder. "What are you getting? Maybe we can split two slic—"

There was a wild look in Mabel's eyes.

The moment she seized his upper arm, he knew he was ending up on the floor and it was going to hurt.

She spun her back to him, jerked him against her, and flipped him over her shoulders. It was bizarrely relaxing, that second spent floating upside-down in the air. Familiar, comforting.

And then he slammed back first on the tile floor. And it hurt.

He stared wheezing at the faraway lights until his internal organs remembered how to lung. The world was too bright; he'd lost his sunglasses. He sat up and gingerly felt the back of his head. It had cracked open, he was leaking internal organs—no. That was his hair. His head was fine.

Dizzily, he asked, "What was that for?" He shook his head to clear it. "Hey. Hey! What the heck was that for!" He grabbed the counter and got to his feet, and almost slipped back down on his first attempt. "I've been a little obnoxious but what'd I do to deserve a surprise attack out of nowhere? What, were you just waiting for a chance to get the jump on me—"

And then he saw the look on Mabel's face—the absolute unadulterated terror—in the split second before she gave a little flinch of realization and the guilt kicked in.

Baffled, he looked past her and the confused nearby mall-goers to Stan and Dipper—who thankfully didn't look angry, but they also didn't look as confused as Bill felt. They had tight-lipped white-faced looks like they understood what they'd just seen perfectly.

"What," Bill said. "What'd I do? Was it something I said?" He racked his brain. He did something that scared the dickens out of them—because all of them were giving him that look—it was three against one, something must have happened that he didn't pick up on. Something that made humans nervous that wasn't important enough for someone like him to recall?

He didn't know what.

That was it. He lost. All his work was undone, they were afraid of him again, they saw him as a threat and they'd lock him back up in the shack. There went any chance of ever seeing the outside world before his execution. There went his hopes of befriending the more pliable humans, or winning Ford back over. There went his conversations with Mabel. And he didn't even know what he did wrong.

If he killed Mabel and cut the bracelet cord, was he fast enough to escape before Stan and Dipper could react? If he lunged over the counter, could he get the pizza cutter and slit Mabel's throat before she flipped him again?

He saw a flickering glimpse of his uncoordinated scramble in the futures where he tried; the scene quickly fizzled out as he concluded it wouldn't work.

"Sorry," Mabel said. "Instinct. You know how martial arts are! You get it trained into your muscle memory, and... and... I... didn't mean to do that, that was my bad."

No less confused, Bill said, "Yeah, no, sure, it's—it's fine." He couldn't afford for it not to be "fine"; he didn't know what the other options were. "I know I cut an intimidating figure." He laughed weakly.

He couldn't apologize even if he wanted to. He didn't know what he was supposed to be apologizing for. He was still watching Mabel's face and Dipper's and Stan's for any context clues to explain what just happened.

And Mabel said, voice small and shaking, "You... don't wanna hurt us again, right?"

Bill blinked slowly at her.

It was the stupidest question he'd ever heard.

She had to know that. Everyone watching had to know that. Bill had been plotting how to hurt them again not fifteen seconds ago. He had every reason to want to hurt them—his very survival depended on finding a way to hurt them—and anyway, regardless of his intentions, obviously if he was asked he'd say "no," wouldn't he! As if he could admit to his captors that he did want to hurt them! It was such a breathtakingly stupid question that he could laugh.

He didn't laugh. He didn't point out how dumb she was for asking, or what a waste of time the question was, or remind her that they both knew there was only one answer. He didn't want to show off how effortlessly he could talk circles around humans; he didn't care about making her feel stupid.

He only wanted Mabel to stop looking at him like he terrified her.

So he said, "No. Of course I don't want to hurt you." He nodded toward Stan and Dipper, "No promises about these guys, they've been making fun of our fashion sense all afternoon, but... not you." He held up one hand, showing Mabel the friendship bracelet she'd given him with the evil eye beads. "You gave me a new job, remember?"

He'd hoped the jokey half-threat might help lighten the mood, maybe get her to smile; but she just nodded. "Okay."

Okay.

Stan shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Welp. I lost my appetite. We're going home."

####

Bill didn't care about Stan and Dipper glaring at his back as they trudged toward the exit, but Mabel walking so quietly beside him was sandpapering at his nerves. If he were back home and she were one of his usual pack of friends, he could just order her to perk up or else get out of his sight until she did—but that wouldn't work here, where he was currently not all powerful, he didn't have supreme control over everybody in the vicinity, and they did have to share a ride home. If he tried to get all imperious on her, she'd never speak to him again and Stan would probably break his skull.

What could he do to make her less nervous?

"Hey." He held out his hand to her. She gave it a quizzical look, then looked up at Bill. He said, "Can't hurt you if I can't use my hand, right? Unless you expect me to start biting."

Mabel said, "This isn't, like... a deal, is it—?"

"No! What? There's no deal, where would there be a deal?" Irritably, Bill said, "I'm just trying to help, if you don't think it's helpful then fine, whatever—"

Mabel took his hand. He shut up.

She flinched in surprise and pulled her hand back, holding the ring with the Fishmasons symbol. "I don't w..."

"I know you don't. Listen—we're all going to jail if we go back to 18th Century to return anything, but... I mean, we pass the ring kiosk on the way out, so..." Was that enough? Would that do anything?

She pushed it back into his hand. "You return it."

Irritation flared up his throat; he swallowed it down. "No problem." She was probably worried he was trying to set her up.

As they walked past the kiosk, he steered around to the side opposite the teen manning it; ran one hand over the rows of rings like he was idly inspecting the designs as he passed; and with a subtle movement, slid the stolen ring back amongst the others without pausing. He showed Mabel his empty hand to prove he'd done the deed.

As they moved passed the kiosk, she took his hand again. He squeezed hers back.

He'd find another way to get a message out to Kryptos. That dumb cheap ring probably wouldn't have worked anyway.

Dipper muttered, "You're still a threat if you have one hand free." He took Bill's other hand. They simultaneously shuddered. Never mind the being-watched feeling Bill had earlier, this was what the phrase "skin crawling" truly meant.

But Mabel immediately perked up. "Thanks, Dipper."

Oh! Sure! Thank him. Bill shot Dipper a dirty look and tightened his grip. (It wasn't even tight enough to hurt.) "I forgot how sweaty your palms are."

"Shut up."

Behind them, Stan grumbled, "I'm just glad you only have two hands."

"Hey!" Bill twisted around to give Stan an exasperated look. "Do you have any idea how much I envy you right now? This is torture. I can feel every fingerprint on these two. How come you're the only one who doesn't have to suffer."

Mabel laughed weakly. "Because Grunkle Stan never tried to end the world."

"Neither did I." He sighed exaggeratedly. "But fine—I'll take my punishment like an adult."

He'd gotten a laugh out of Mabel. That was good enough for now.

####

As soon as the car pulled around to the house side of the shack, before they'd even come to a stop, Bill unfastened his seat belt, shouldered open the door, and tumbled out into the sunlight and dirt. A couple of stolen shirts fluttered free.

"Hey!" Stan rolled down his window. "Get back—! How'd you get that door open?!"

"I never closed it!" Bill was already doing cartwheels across the grass, turned like a sunflower to catch the early evening sunbeams filtering through the trees. "I just pulled it close to the car."

"It was ajar the whole drive?!"

"A jar of what?" Bill's cartwheels were already better than the ones he'd tried earlier that day.

Mabel winced. "Sorry, Grunkle Stan, I should have checked..."

"It's not her fault!" Like heck was Bill letting Mabel get in trouble over one little door. "I'm an out-of-control agent of chaos! I'd ride home sitting on the roof if this body had the friction to stay put."

Stan snapped, "Next time, that's where I'm putting you!"

While Stan parked properly and everyone else got out, Bill got tired of cavorting and trudged up to the shack. He kicked his shiny new shoe against the wall as he waited for the Pines to let him inside.

"Glad that's over," Stan sighed. "I'm never going shopping with you again."

Yeah, sure he wasn't. Bill could work on him. Stan would want a new watch eventually.

"And I'm still starving," Stan said.

"Pizza," Bill said. Dipper and Mabel perked up like a couple of dogs that had just heard their owner say walk.

"Ehh..."

"Hawaiian," Bill added.

Stan looked considering. "I do appreciate pineapple's laid-back, tropical attitude." Dipper and Mabel groaned in disappointment.

Bill proposed, "Two pizzas."

The Pines and Bill went inside, and the door swung shut behind them.

None of the humans noticed the minuscule break Bill had kicked in the shack's unicorn hair barrier.

####

(Thanks for reading, y'all! I've been really looking forward to posting this chapter, so if you've got any comments or thoughts, I'd love to hear them!)

[nitw]

do kids these days even know about the royal order of the holy mackerel

[comically-blu]

welp since there’s others with their own portal versions, why not give the portal routes to PW:ALTL different names!, just to differentiate! :D

To hear me out on my rambles here, this is for clarification whenever I get to mention anything about my au:

The time branches to PW:ALTL will be called as routes! I’ve decided that any routes’ names wouldn’t really change the title of GF much since PW:ALTL is one vast timeline that is close to GF’s canon world itself, so no Falls in the name.

Canon Compliant Route: its name speaks for itself; it’s the timeline that follows canon plotline exactly.

The Portal!Shermie au will be referred as Portal Pinecone! (PPC for short) In reference to this post, in which Shermie’s symbol is revealed. In routes Shermie gets involved in, Bill makes double sure to include him in the Cipher Wheel in advance— which Portal Pinecone is one of them.

(Not official design of Portal!Stan)

My version of Portal!Stan would be referred to as Portal Mackerel, aka PM for short, in reference to the fez symbol. Apparently, this fez belongs to Filbrick from his organization, the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel in canon. Then there’s the fez symbol looking like a Pac-Man fish, so Mackerel it is for Stan!

There’s a couple of routes I did come up for scenarios in PW:ALTL buttt imma not mention those yet since I hadn’t revealed those. So that’s all here for this post! Def will be tags for them as I post :]

[pinesquest2d]

As a little gift for you all, and to show my gratitude... version 0.8.1 of PinesQuest 2D has been released.

Download it on:

itch.io / GameJolt

Version 0.8.1 Changelog:

The first half of level 6, the Crystal Woods, is now accessible. 

Gideon is now playable and joins the party at the beginning of level 6.

Debug Room is now accessible, but you will need to find the password...

Once Bill has joined your party, new items will appear in A. Tad Square's shop.

If Bill is in your party, you can access a cutscene about the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel and Shermie Pines by examining the books in the hideout (hub area).

Certain items have been buffed.

Debug Room Features:

Talk to Bill to mark level 6 as completed. You can then go back to the Mystery Shack and talk to A. Tad Square to trigger a cutscene. At the end of cutscene, Bill will join your party.

Talk to Ford and he will join your party. Talk to him again to instantly raise your entire party to max level (99).

Talk to Dipper to watch some cutscenes from level 7.

Talk to Nemm to gain access to each character's ultimate weapons. Ford, Bill and Gideon's weapons are received automatically while everyone else's must be obtained from the secret areas in levels 1-5.

Talk to A. Tad Square to instantly get 999999 gold.

This will likely be the last version of the game I ever release. Through the full game document and videos I released recently, I now consider the game to be "finished," even if the remaining 5 and a half levels aren't playable. I truly wish I could make them playable but as I've discussed before, after years of trying, I just don't think I can make it happen. I did my best, but I hope you still enjoy what I was able to create.

Thank you for playing PinesQuest 2D! Stay weird!

[broodhollowan]

I wish I had the foresight to archive this youtube video, from the now dead Gravity Falls theorist channel, The Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel, from over 7 years ago, because it was my introduction to Broodhollow. (I almost skipped watching the video when the creator uploaded it because it was off topic for a Gravity Falls channel, but hands down the best decision I ever made.)

One of the biggest overlaps of the Broodhollow fandom (outside fandoms for anything Kris has created), is the Gravity Falls fandom! And I would say for Broodhollow's small fandom, the Gravity Falls to Broodhollow pipeline is pretty big!

I would really love to hear how you found Broodhollow in the comments/reblogs to see if there's any other fandoms Broodhollow crosses over with!

[woolydemon]

I once again want to direct everybody to punch chowder dot com for rottmnt watching purposes <3 (but do watch the show on streaming services if u can)

Edit: it appears that there's a glitch with episodes 21-26 so you'll have to watch those on a diff website (I'd personally recommend this one)

[mysteriesofmarcy]

Season 2 looks boring to some because Star is meant to be an action/adventure show with a little bit of mystery. Sure there can be some comedy and drama but SVTFOE isn't meant to have episodes with those sitcom plots. Babysitting (Starsitting), Third Wheel (Just Friends), Starcrushed (Star's side) That's a huge change in the formula. Episodes like My New Wand and Baby feel like it was slow paced. Hey, in Starstruck, Star didn't have her wand. Only a crazy lady, Mina, and a cliched plot.

When a show uses a cliched plot, anon, it’s up to the writers to twist it into something worth watching. They have to make it funny, create an original ending, and just generally keep things interesting.

Not to mention, it’s impossible to write any story without tropes. Even the act of avoiding some tropes is a trope in and of itself. It’s very difficult, if not impossible, to write something truly original.

Even my show is not completely original. It was inspired by other fan projects. I tried to combine the short and sweet approach of Vailskibum94, and the official feel of The Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel, into a podcast like Talking Rainbows Talking Puppies.

And while I’m at it, let me just say that IMO, the way the love triangle situation was handled is the best I’ve ever seen. There is no clear winner here. Star and Jackie are both great people and I would date either one of them. Marco loves them both. And they love each other. In every other love triangle, either somebody is clearly a better choice, or the person in the middle doesn’t deserve either one. And usually somebody is a jerk about it. Here, the writers respect Marco, Star, and Jackie. I trust them to do the impossible and make a good love triangle.

[docholligay]

NOW WE ARE TO THE “MORE ON THIS LATER”

So I did not realize until I was talking to verb about her wedding that the UK* is SO INCREDIBLY AUTOCRATIC about weddings. Holy shit, oh my god.

So in America, it varies based on what state you’re in because the states all have a lot of individual power--it’s actually not terribly UNLIKE how countries work in the UK but I digress--but by and large you have a fair amount of freedom. In, I think every state in the union, an ordained person can marry you, a judge can marry you, and in some getting ordained is like..sending a letter. It’s basically a test to see if you can fill out paperwork. I am ordained in Colorado and Montana because I’ve done weddings for people. In my state, you can even self-solemnize, which means if you have witnesses you do not NEED a fucking officiant (this buckwild rural take is v uncommon even in the US. Only I think...three western states allow it?)

Anyway, even in the most serious state, there doesn’t have to be a script. I mean, an individual religious institution can make a script that someone has to follow if they want to be married in that specific religious institution, and I suppose a venue could say something like, “If you use the fucking Corinthians quote there is an automatic $2,000 upcharge” (It’s me. I am this venue.) All of the Americans in the audience are currently going, “Why the fuck are you rehashing all this?”

Because I discovered that TIS NOT SO IN THE KINGDOM THAT IS AT LEAST FOR THE MOMENT UNITED.

So Verb got married, and it is when we are chatting about this that I discover that apparently there is a whole fucking PROCEDURE in the UK, with SO MANY RULES, which I will not bore you with but caused my jaw to drop open, and still to this day, sometimes I think about and it smacks me in the face like a dead mackerel. This includes a very serious attitude toward the vows, including the fact that if you aren’t going to have a fully religious ceremony, YOU CANNOT MENTION GOD AT ALL. It is an actual honest to God The Royal Kingdom rule. I would have to look up her email in order to get more details from it, but basically personalization** has to be kept to a very much minimum, and short.

All this to say, other than to share my shock and horror as a person used to the “YOLO” approach to ceremonies, that...I mean, the ceremonies aren’t that different. I guess I’m assuming this is Church of England, so I could be massively incorrect here. But PRESUMABLY at some point along the way, you read the required verbiage. If it’s that common y’all must have it quasi-memorized by now. I’m not saying you can’t have an opposition to this I’m saying a few months before the wedding is a real ROUGH time to be doing it.

As it turns out, my other objection is solved by them just doing it in the registrar’s office, which is that in England at least the venue has to be WEDDING APPROVED by the government. I have no fucking idea how an officiant could be defrocked, shall we say, by the mere impropriety of someone’s backyard, but it is England after all, we’ve been doing it this way for 352 years why stop now. But I DO have a solution: Just...get married legally first, alone, and then have your religious wedding***.  I guess this requires the priest/pastor whatever to be cool and okay with just not signing the papers but like, who the fuck cares. And then I remember that I come from a country that has, AT LEAST PRESENTLY, separation of church and state, and I recall verb and cockatiel signed in front of everyone where that’s not a very common thing here, so, maybe this won’t work as flawlessly as I’m imagining.

ANYWAY MY POINT IS: YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THIS SO MUCH SOONER.

*Based on cursory curiosity-based searches, Scotland appears to be more freewheeling than England and Wales, but less freewheeling than every state in the US.

**You mention the UK ONCE, and the autocheck tries to get cute with the letter s. I have never realiSed a thing in my life, computer

*** this is what my wife and I did, not for religious reasons but for the fact that the law against same sex marriage was struck down and we didn’t want a challenge to it to stop us. We were actually the first couple married in our county.

[cosmicpines]

I just saw the phrase “Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel” and was sent back in time holy shit

[treesinspace]

Ford is back from the portal and has resumed writing in the journal! Here are his first impressions upon seeing Stan again:

[As it turned out, instinct took over and I punched him right in the face. I feel kind of bad about that!

Face - Inherited Dad’s nose and Mom’s untrustworthy tongue.

Gut - I’ve spent the last 30 years keeping up an extensive exercise and diet regimen. Stanley... hasn’t.

Suit - Dad’s suit, which he gave me after graduation. He thought I’d wear it for my wedding. I thought I’d wear it to accept an award. Instead, Stanley has used it to trick tourists and sell key chains.

Fez - Dad’s hat! He never did tell us much about the “Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel.”

Machinery - Operated my portal like a monkey pretending to be a mechanic. Half of the instruments are held together with duct tape.]

.

Ford... does not have very warm thoughts towards his brother. (Quit being so mean Ford!) Ah well, at least now we know he feels kinda bad about punching Stan in the face! And we all know he has character growth ahead of him.

I never knew that that Fez was Filbrick’s... Or that the Mr Mystery suit is technically Ford’s!

I love how Ford just doesn’t even consider ever wearing that suit to his wedding... Love dat ace!Ford

[ckret2]

If the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel is Gravity Falls' in-universe parody of Shriners International, and if Shriners is a branch of the Freemasons, then Gravity Falls' parody of Freemasons is fish-themed. They're the Freefishers now. This is why Stan is grumpy that the "guys from the lodge" won't go fishing with him. Fishing trips are the Freefishers' whole thing.

"But if they're not the Masons then why does Kryptos have the Masonic compass and square ruler—" I don't know what you're talking about, that's the Fisher fishing rod and uhhh, open tackle box? idk, I'm still working on justifying Kryptos, come back and ask me later.

[nitw]

when are ppl gonna stop acting like the royal order of the holy mackerel had literally any signifigance in the show gjdjsbdkfnnf

[neatoburrito12threeto]

An idea I had in middle school that I have been waiting until I finally had the requisite level of skill in digital art to execute satisfactorily, based on an idea of The Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel's  that the Bubble that Mabel was trapped in was a kind of cocoon, incubating a transformation into some kind of godlike entity. Also officially the first piece of fanart I have uploaded to the worldwide web, remember this day when I’m famous.

[theroyalorderoftheholymackerel]

When is the next LIVE MEETING of the #ROotHM? Find out now! LINK IN MY BIO! http://ift.tt/2j6qgaY

[ancientouroboros]

What does Stan’s symbol mean?

First of all, thanks to @marypsue for listening to my ramblings and giving some feedback about this a few days ago and to @eregyrn-falls for talking about Alex’s Q&A, which reminded me to write it up and post it.

Warning: this is going to be long. Sorry.

One of the things that I’ve always hoped would get an explanation from Alex (but possibly never will?) is the meaning behind the symbol on Stan’s fez/the Cipher Wheel.

First, a bit of a tangent, but I hope a productive one: in GF fanfic, a common issue when Bill and Stan appear together in a fic is that we never canonically heard Bill’s nickname for Stan (assuming he would have given Stan one, which, given Bill’s character, seems like a safe bet). Fic authors usually get around this by having Bill call Stan “Fez,” which makes sense given that’s where his symbol is and it’s a pretty distinctive element of his appearance.

BUT.

But Bill doesn’t call Dipper “ballcap,” or Mabel “sweater,” or Soos “t-shirt,” even though that’s where their symbols are found. Their nicknames are based on what the symbol IS, and the symbols (at least roughly?) represent who they are as characters.

So, ultimately, thinking about what Bill’s nickname for Stan might be sort of helps clarify what Stan’s symbol might mean vis-à-vis his character. Ahem. Back to the symbol.

The clearest direct mention of the symbol is in Journal 3, when Ford writes that Stan’s fez is from Filbrick’s  membership in the ���Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel.” It’s totally possible this is all there is to it, it’s a funny fish symbol. Alex’s old DeviantArt account is reportedly holymackerel, so it’s possible it’s just something he thought was funny and that’s that.

But, we all know how much Alex loves to misdirect people – almost as much as he likes to have multiple layers of mysteries and meaning in GF. So I think it’s more likely this is just a superficial meaning for Stan’s symbol.

Looking at the symbol, there could be a few different interpretations, so I’ll present the three most interesting ones I came up with, in order of what I think is the likelihood it’s the real meaning of the symbol.

First, another look at the symbol as it appears on the fez:

Now what if we do this:

 Looks like an eye, right? Just one eye?

The least likely theory is that the symbol has something to do with Stan’s character being connected to Bill’s in some way. It’s a cool interpretation, considering how important the idea of the “beast with just one eye” was, and the fact that, as Mr. Mystery, Stan wore an eyepatch (and so had just one eye visible). If you’re a subscriber to the Same Coin theory, this interpretation might work for that.

I personally don’t think this is it, though. So let’s turn the symbol this way:

Notice the symbol in canon art is always represented with these proportions. Now what does it look like? A bit like the portal casting a shadow? Who lived (figuratively and literally) in the shadow of the portal for 30 years? Yeah.

Stan, with his long-standing self-esteem and self-worth issues, saw himself as just “part of a dynamic duo,” essentially Ford’s shadow, not capable of accomplishing anything on his own. So, this interpretation is a little more likely to me, and I headcanon that Bill’s nickname for Stan would be something like “Shadow,” because it’s not only thematically appropriate, it’s snide and hurtful.

But this still doesn’t seem like it’d be an appropriate symbol for Stan’s character. After all, reductively thinking of him as Ford’s shadow would only represent most people’s (and his own self-) perception of Stan in the first (admittedly long) part of his character arc. So what represents the culmination of his character arc?

Let’s turn the symbol one more time:

Look familiar?

Well, first of all, there are some similar-looking symbols in the history museum in SotBE:

And on the ur-Cipher Wheel in Mabelcorn:

I personally don’t think it’s related to the symbol that’s similar to the Freemason symbol, because that seems on-the-nose and superficial to be on a secret society fez (though a cute reference), and more related to Dipper’s character than Stan’s. I think the other symbol gives a clue as to its meaning, since it’s also incredibly similar to Stan’s symbol’s shape.

…what legendary bird is often represented in this shape? And the shape on the fez? Wings upraised in a circular shape?

So...my best guess is that this is a simplified, stylized version of one of the best symbols for Stan’s character: a phoenix. The imagery of Stan burning is present throughout the series, and of course, Stan is literally immolated and reborn in the finale. I absolutely headcanon that this is what Stan’s symbol really means. (But I don’t think Bill would ever call Stan “Phoenix,” do you?)

All this is just speculation, though. You’d have to have actually been in the writer’s room (or Alex’s brain), or have done a lot of research into ancient symbols (in so many cultures and historical contexts, seriously – Egyptian symbolism, indigenous American tribal symbolism, secret society symbolism, alchemy symbols, etc) to suss out what everything related to Stan and his symbol (the flag/banners for the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel, the first symbol in comparison to the second symbol – both work for the Phoenix symbolism, the color symbolism in the series, etc) might mean.

[moosetrackart-old]

Finally some serious art! I drew Bee again with dog ears and tail because it's cute! And he has a small tattoo on his leg of the symbol for the Royal Order of the Holy Mackerel