#the rest of the class is outside
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Made some kinda rushed art of peinto in his lil room.... I made his whitespace look kinda like his room in Omori :DD (I also gave him a sprout mole plush and i love drawing it so much!!!!)
#omori#omori au#peinto au#omori au blog#omori fanart#soon#ill post the art soon#after school#my teacher let me on my phone btw#dw#the rest of the class is outside#except for me and my friend#we're inside#listening to music#because we don't wanna play football#:333#asks are open.....#btw....
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entertaining the thought that the first time darry came home black and blue his parents were worried sick. they were running back and forth getting the first aid kit and an ice pack for their baby
pony’s sittin in the arm chair with a look of pure shock and fear for his brother and soda is is climbing on the couch doing his best not to crawl over darry while he asks a million and ten questions about what happened
and darry’s grinning as hard as he can underneath the blood streaming down his face. his cheeks hurt not from the punches he took (well a little bit from them) but because he’s so smiley. his arms are throbbing and his legs are aching from running so hard
and he should be exhausted. he should be exhausted and maybe terrified out of his mind because he just got in a really bad fight. he should be scared and finding it hard to put on a brave face for sodapop but its really easy when he doesnt even have to pretend
sodapop climbs damn near on top of darry, likely forgetting to be careful for any lower injuries when the most prominent one is his face, and asks "dar, what happened? how'd they get you?"
darry is all teeth as he grins and glances over at ponyboy's worried face. and he whispers so their parents can't hear from the back of the house, "you should've seen the other guy, sods, he didn't even get up"
"woah! really?" and just like that neither of his brothers look scared or worried anymore. they've both got stars in their eyes and start bombarding darry with a million and ten more questions about the fight
#i love darry “a skin fights my favorite kind of fight” curtis#i love darry “never lost a fight” curtis#i think#i think im gonna put darry on the wrestling team too#he deserves to have some fun#(thats how he meets bob#darrys this cool junior who basically coaches and teaches the rest of the team/class#and bob is this ninth grader who was only put in the class because he didn't submit his classes in time#and paul talks about his brothers alot so ofc darry recognizes bob sheldon and takes him under his wing#:( i love them sm this got away from me#like this was supposed to be abt darry not darry and bob#idk what happened#the outsiders musical#<- because im thinking of brent darry#the outsiders#darry curtis#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#bob sheldon#i mean sort of#also this was supposed to mention the curtis parents alot more#like i wanted to touch on how scary it is that they're first born is so fond of fighting but it kinda got put on the back burner i fear#ah well#let darry get in fights! 2025
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Prompt 181
“Hey. Hey Tuck. Tucker. Tuck look. Look.”
Tucker looked over the edge of the screen lazily, the half interested words on his tongue dying as he let out a wheeze of laughter. “Oh my Ancient Sands, dude, how did you manage that?”
Danny had, for the last near year, been trying to mix shapeshifting, thank you Amorpho, with duplication. Something he’d apparently succeeded in today, if the massive fuck-you hydra standing before him was any indication. The very pleased looking, well did it count as a hydra if it had wings too?
“You need to show Sam. Oh my Sands we need to show Val too. And Wes. You did it dude!” He floated up to look at Danny, who did a little twirl to show off. He shook his head, flecks of gold and sand falling from his hair as he laughed.
“Do you think,” Danny lost it in laughter as several other heads echoed his words, from whichever the main him was. “Holy ancients that’s great- do, do you think we can make a dragon club? Hydras are totally dragons right? Do you think we could pull a Tiamat?”
He landed on a head, taking a selfie to add to the groupchat labeled Preparations. “Dude, we should, but let me send this to the others first… But I am so down.”
They can, in fact apparently, pull a Tiamat- with a little help from Princess Dora, practice in front of Frostbite in case something goes wrong, and some advice from Pandora on controlling extra limbs. Honestly, who is going to want to mess with Amity when there’s a giant dragon? And hey, maybe they can break the barrier now!
The heads for those wondering who I was thinking of for each lol And perhaps what they might all get ((1) Kwan, Pressurized Water) ((2) Wes, Sonic Blast) ((3) Sam, Poison Gas) ((4) Star, Plasma) ((5) Danny, Ice Breath) ((6) Paulina, Acid) ((7) Tucker, Electricity) ((8) Valerie, Fire Breath) ((9) Dash, Pressurized Wind)
#Prompts#The Class Pulls a Tiamat#They’re all adults and graduated#But can’t exactly go anywhere thanks to the shield/barrier around the town#The whole town is now liminal as hell thx to the ecto having nowhere to disperse#Bounced back from the shield back into the city from the portal#Dcxdp#Dpxdc#Dp x Marvel#Whichever works for u#Amity is under an info blackout thanks to the barrier#They have no idea what’s happening outside#Hey if they can’t break the barrier themselves they’ll just combine their might together#Liminal Amity Park#The group when they succeed in becoming dragon: We are Death Destroyer of Worlds#The GIW panic and call heroes in when a Very Big THING not only approaches the ghost shield#but actually looks like it might get through#The rest of Amity might pull a Become Dragon too but honestly up to yall#Amity: Ghosts are illegal but dragons aren't!
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Two bit eats full sized meals in the back of the classroom
#“do you have enough to share with the rest of the class Keith?#u bet he does#the outsiders#the outsiders headcanons#the outsiders hcs#two bit mathews
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It's thinkin about the line "You know, the only thing that keeps Darry from bein' a soc is us, y'know?" from Two n Pony sayin' "Yeah, I know." hours again
#theres just so much to unpack here#ok#lemme get into this#alright one#darry curtis was never goin to be a soc#bc a soc aint just a social class (darry couldn't get to either way)#but rather also a certian in group that rests on the hatred of greasers#'soc' doesnt refer to every rich kid the way 'greaser' does refer to every poor ki#do we see what i mean?#im not bein real coherent down here#but anyways#darry definitely has a fair amount of internalized classism#he doesnt want to be lumped in n compared to greasers#he sets himself apart in the way he looks talks n acts#but he could never hate them#also the fact that this line comes from two is so important to me#its a rare serious moment from him#effectively realizin that darry curtis might be the best of them#he could go places#n two who is proud to be a greaser n sees himself goin nowhere#his 'were the only thing keepin darry from goin soc' has much more to do with 'were the only thing keepin darry'#whos probably thinkin of johnny in that moment n darry curtis n ppl who deserve better#whereas ponys 'yeah i know'#has a lot more to do with 'IM keepin MY brother here'#aoughhhh#that line makes me a lil insane every time#the outsiders#ponyboy curtis#two bit mathews#darry curtis
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Steve and Dally and Soda and Johnny and Two-Bit just causing mischief because they’re all near the same age and then Ponyboy and Darry playing go fish or Monopoly at home because they’re the two extremes- oldest and youngest. So they end up with each other a lot and their thing is just board games and small talk and just relaxing in each other’s presence
#poptart’s general stuff#the outsiders#se hinton#poptart speaks#darry curtis#ponyboy curtis#johnny cade#sodapop curtis#dallas winston#steve randle#i just have this hc that Darry and Pony really bond over the fact that they’re not always included due to age#and I can’t remember if Two-Bit was a junior twice or if he was held back prior so they’d all likely be in the same grade#like pre-canon anyways#And also I think Soda was the one who “recruited” the rest of the gang (except Two-Bit who I hc was raised with them)#So they were his friends first#so obvi they hang out#And Pony’s reading a book on the couch and commenting to Darry (who has read it for class) and Darry’s working on bills and using it#Like as a learning opportunity (post or slightly pre-canon ofc)
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absolutely love twogami and makis drs interaction cause it's set right after twogami comes out as the ultimate impostor so at one point maki gets really defensive about still keeping her real talent a secret and it's great
#its so funny shes like ''oh so you don't think you can be true friends if you're keeping secrets??''#and twogamis like ''? no?''#''i like pancakes'' - twogami ''so you hate waffles?!'' - maki#but i love how it shows how much maki actually cares for the rest of her class (outside of saihara and kaito‚ who know her real talent)#cause she gets defensive and upset about the idea that you can't be a Real Friend if you're keeping a secret like that from someone#byakuya twogami#ultimate impostor#maki harukawa#<- hmm how can i make Every Topic That Crosses My Mind about her - deranged individual
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life-shattering misconception
#my art#osomatsu san oc#ocs#osomatsu#kiru#not gonna tag totty since hes so small here#partially inspired by my friend getting rocked by this same realization about kiru last night#but yeah :-) shes ~3 years younger than the brothers + the rest of their graduating class since she was in the same grade as nyaa#i also just think oso being a stickler wrt age/seniority-appropriate nicknames and honorifics even outside of the family is really funny#no more big sister for YOU miss nikuya
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for pez dispenser debris, has the third sports festival not happened yet or did it happen and it just wasn’t as cool as the second one
Ehhh, this one is kind of a loose thread I’ve been leaving open to do something with if I come up with something cool, but in my mind I’ve sort been playing with the idea that Class 3-A didn’t compete their third year.
The rest of the year didn’t want to compete with them for reasons of personal safety (they were all completely insane and known biters) and the school didn’t want to let them compete for reasons of legal liability. Literally every single year they had competed, these kids had tried to kill each other on live tv. Izuku and Todoroki had tried to murder specifically each other twice. Uraraka put Bakugou in a medically induced coma after their second match. Every single year they cut it closer to a fatal injury, and considering the year before involved a medically induced coma, they thought their luck might just run out the third time around.
There were also safety concerns about just how much information they were letting out about these kid’s Quirks. Before, it wasn’t as much of an issue? The UA sports festival was big, don’t get me wrong, but it usually resulted in the high performers getting recognized by a few more dedicated heroics fans for a few days after the event. Other heroics students looked at them so they could kick their ass in exams, but villains weren’t exactly bothered enough by heroic students to actually study them up in advance of their debut. But for Class 3-A? Villains were watching them.
And the Sports Festival just didn’t do for them what they needed it to anymore. It was meant to be an advertisement of their ability. A way to say “hey, look out for me,” and get agencies, the press, and the public primed for their careers. Class 3-A doesn’t need help with any of that. They are already too famous. But Class 3-B and the rest of their year? They could use a time to shine.
Class 3-A sort of sucks the fucking air out of the fucking room, honestly. Especially for Class B. Like. They are part of the most famous generation of heroes to come out of UA. And they are the less impressive, mostly unknown class. The rest of the school sort of has mixed feelings about Class 3-A. They’re proud of them, but it sucks being their classmates.
There’s nothing to be done about it. Class 3-A has just taken way too big a position in the public eye. The school could put the entire year on with them as usual and give them no special treatment, and the news would still only give a shit about what 3-A did. They’re actively detracting from their classmate’s abilities to get noticed, because everyone’s too busy fawning over one class out of eight.
The teachers also had to have a serious conversation about how including Class 3-A legitimately introduced concerns of societal destabilization. Aizawa had to take some deep breaths to will his way through that conversation.
Again, after their second year, the public started considering Class 3-A a source of new hope—with Izuku at the forefront as the next symbol of peace. A huge amount of that and to do with the miracle they pulled off handling the Tartarus Prison Break. But specifically Izuku came out of the entire mess with a lot of global hope riding on his shoulders.
He was the new unbeatable hero. The world had lost the guy who could be counted on to win any fight when All Might retired. But there was Izuku, shiny and bouncy and fresh to fight, whose Quirk was everything All Might’s was and more. And he had won fights that during Yokohama that no one thought he would win.
Taking down the Fatal Five was a big part of it. I have all this lore built up in my mind around them, these fanfictions villains who only exist in my head and are only based off canon in the loosest sense. It’s so dramatic in my head. There’s espionage. There’s betrayal. There’s gay love. I can’t get into that it’s too far afield. But when they were active, people were legitimately afraid of going outside. They were the only villains that All Might noticeably relied on help to defeat, because Sir Nighteye was so fundamental to their final capture.
Defeating them without All Might seemed more likely than defeating All for One and the League, but not by much. It was expected to take months, if not years, to recapture them again. These were villains who were credited with hundreds of fatalities—and the confirmed injuries clocked at over a thousand. They were city destroyers during their first run. People were absolutely fucking terrified of them doing it all a second time.
Izuku and Mirio pulled off an absolute Hail Mary play with their takedown. No one thought they would win, including them. They couldn’t let these guys go without a fight, but they also thought that they probably weren’t making it out the other side of this match. They weren’t aiming to die, but that just made this a kamikaze where they hoped to survive the plane crash. They went into this fight expecting to both die.
They understood that they lost this match up 99 times out of 100. But they told themselves that they just needed to find the one time they won and make it tonight. And just barely, through a lot of luck, they managed it. People lost their minds when news broke that the Fatal Five had been defeated by two teenagers.
And as stated in a different post, Izuku gets primary credit for taking down all of them because most of the fight happened where no one could see it and people love to discredit Mirio’s abilities. Not everyone thought that way, but the ones that did? They thought it was a sign Izuku would be better than All Might. Izuku did it without help. Even though, objectively, this was very much a two man job.
It was enough to make the world start hoping that Izuku was their new unbeatable hero. He had already won fights that should be unwinnable. So if he could beat the Fatal Five, then maybe he can beat every other opponent he faces. Maybe he can replace All Might.
What happens if that kid fucking loses a low stakes sparring match?
As it stood, Izuku, Todoroki, and Bakugou were considered the most likely to win the third year’s festival. But the other kids were fantastic, and they had a shot still even if it wasn’t as good. So how does the world react if some random fucking kid in class b manages an underwhelming victory after Izuku fumbles it?
Izuku’s existence in pez is basically that wad of napkins you wedge under the short leg of a wobbly table to try and make it stay level but like. For global social stability. Class 3-A rolling up to Yokohama and throwing hands with a bunch of adult murderers and somehow fucking winning is the reason why this Japan isn’t at the Refugees In UA And Chaos In The Streets portion of canon. They were so sparkly and inspiring and heroic that the entire country unified around loving and believing in them and shit stabilized. And everyone stopped freaking out about what they were going to do without All might because the next one was already in the pipe.
So what the fuck do you do if your new unbeatable mega celebrity hero fucking eats it at his friendly school sparring match and proves to everyone that he is, in fact, fallible on live TV? What if the entire class has an off day and does poorly, thereby undermining the current reason the world has for hope?
You’ve got a class that’s so unprecedentedly important that the school has to field phone calls from world leaders feeling out what the situation is with the ol’ sports festival. The fuck do you do about it?
It became almost unfair to the other students to make them fight against Class A, which is what Present Mic said and immediately got both Aizawa and Vlad King violently mad at him.
Aizawa, because he has started to profoundly resent the implication that his kids somehow need to atone to the rest of the school. Admittedly they’re all completely insane and do bite but that’s unrelated to why the rest of the school resents him so it’s a nonissue. Fuck everyone, it’s not their fault that adults have tried to kill them since like their fourth day of school, and UA has never handed out participation medals. If they wash out against his kids it’s because they just weren’t as good.
Vlad, meanwhile, was angry at the implication that his kids weren’t as good as Class A and needed to have them taken out of the running entirely to even stand a shot. Fuck you.
There was a lot of yelling.
But Mic just meant that it was unfair to pit them against Class A in the eyes of the public. Like, hey kids, let’s have a good ol’ fashioned competition for fun, do your best, but just as a reminder that if Midoriya from class a doesn’t win then it may legitimately destabilize the nation. Yeah the ministry of finance called he’s worried about the economic ramifications. But don’t worry, because no one really thinks you’ll beat him anyway. Now let’s all get out there and have fun.
It just felt like it set everyone up to fail while giving villains more footage to find potential weaknesses with. The school decided to just cut them from the competition, which Aizawa shouted at a lot of people about, even though he wanted them cut when the conversation started. He wanted the world to have less of them to chew at, and then he got mad at the implication that his kids somehow would be a problem if they got to participate in a school wide event. He talked himself all the way around to the other side out of spite.
They told Class A that they had lost privileges to the sports festival because they had repeatedly tried to murder each other and also everyone else on live TV, which was fair, really. The school didn’t trust them to not almost kill each other again, which was a concern Class A understood and agreed with, because they were totally going to do that. Plus Ultra, Sensei.
I think they let the kids do like an escape room or something just so they wouldn’t be totally left out, which they ended up televising to quell some of the backlash after they announced Class 3-A would not be participating in that year’s sports festival. It didn’t endear them to the rest of their classmates, because Class 3A Tries To Leave A Room In Groups of Five With Only Marginal Success turned out to be more popular than the sports festival. It bred some resentment amongst the other students, because to them, it seemingly confirmed that the faculty thought of them as lesser than class 3-a.
In the school’s defense, they did have concerns about someone actually murdering the other on live tv and having to deal with the liability. Through sheer luck of the fucking draw, Izuku and Bakugou had never had to do a one on one match with each other for two years running. They couldn’t possibly be that lucky a third time, and someone would die, and the stadium would probably be destroyed in the process, and bystanders would die, and what would they say in the lawsuit? Oh, we didn’t know they’d do that? They try to do that every time. They thought that doing a nice escape room involving no physical contact whatsoever would prevent injuries.
There were still injuries.
#pez dispenser debris#Aizawa’s taking sabbatical if this class doesn’t kill him#he’s already told Nedzu#if society is still standing he and Eri are going on vacation somewhere out of this nightmare country#no one criticizes his insane little shits except him#in my mind Aizawa carries an absolutely fucking enormous amount of guilt over how their tenure went#people have already started calling this class the greatest class of heroes UA has ever produced#there’s some kind of magic about them#they’re a lightning strike#he’s never had a class of kids who loved each other so fiercely and recklessly#they’re a miracle in a bottle and Aizawa’s fucking terrified because the rest of the world has caught onto that#thank god his kids are like feral and asocial raccoons raised in isolation who have never talked to a fucking person in their lives because#otherwise they would have caught on by now#he counted on their crippling codependency aversion to talking to people not in their class and deeply oblivious natures to carry him#through. and by god miracles do happen. or maybe they’re just that stupid. Aizawa’s doing his best.#he’s fucking stressed tho#in pez Izuku has in fact confirmed he’s as unstable as a dying star and like. of course it’s the fucking kid whose existence affects the#value of the fucking yen.#like do yall ever think about the economic implications of all mights retirement#japans already a hot tourist locale and while all might was active it was the safest country in the world#now the worlds most dangerous man is on the loose and every other week the heroes fail to contain a new disaster because they haven’t done#their jobs in like 30ish years and didn’t expect to have to start now#like real talk there’s an entire discussion about how some of the most damaging ramifications of terrorist attacks are the economic#consequences. people get afraid to go outside stop going to stores and work and the economy suffers. bush straight up asked Americans to#keep shopping after 9/11. it’s a whole thing. bnha japans economy is fucking wrecked let me tell you. like they went from the most stable#country on the planet to foreign nations issuing travel advisories about them in record time. Izuku represents a return to stability in a#country absolutely desperate for it. if he shows cracks then the world gets afraid and the consequences are vast and unpredictable#which like. how the fuck do you put that on a kid. how do you tell him he’s got his finger in a dam and the entire worlds on the other side
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Thinking about the parallels between Johnny and Goro and Smasher and how they all represent the paths that can be taken in a corporate life chosen. Where you either become disillusioned to the system in a world shattering way that will always cost you something if not everything (sounds a lot like a corp V I once knew even...), or you continue to live life ignorant (goro) or uncaring (smasher) to the system you uphold.
And how Johnny really could've become one or the other if he never deserted, if he never broke free from that illusionment. How he had the capacity to become a corporate guard dog willing to do whatever no matter the cost to protect or defend the self interests of a company like Goro, or a corporate attack dog rabid like Smasher, his sole purpose being the violent weapon the company helped create and molded him to be.
#also thinking about the conversation on the rooftop outside the Arasaka plant you have with goro during the stakeout :(#and he reveals how he was groomed into this life quite literally since he was a kid :(#and how they took advantage of his class status with the company promising a better future#if he signs his life away and does as it says for the rest of ever :(((#and how the military has a really bad habit if doing exactly that#and is in fact one of the things it puts onto its job brochure when convincing ppl to enlist (especially for poor ppl) :((#(((like ik Arasaka was doing when johnny had enlisted its literally The Enlistment Reason for most people. bc theyre poor#and the military promises income even housing in cases and college funds)))#(((((sighs. deeply.))))#(**ik Arasaka was doing that)#cyberpunk 2077#johnny silverhand#goro takemura#guess ill tag this guy too#adam smasher#ult speaking
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drabbles about the deer imagery in The Secret History (specifically in relation 2 Camilla) because her becoming a deer/believing that she did stuck in my mind (although this post will mostly take Camilla and the other's recollection of events to be as they recount it – if i examine it in it's effect as an incorrect account, that would be in a separate post)
Obviously there's, on a meta level, an irony to it – Camilla and Charles are named to make fun of the Princess Diana scandal that was happening at the time, and so ironically Camilla transforms into an animal sacred to Diana.
There's also a parallel that I think could be interesting to make between Camilla and Taygete, who for anyone unfamiliar, was turned into a deer by Artemis to protect her from Zeus' sexual advances. Although I think that what happened in the Bacchae was concensual sexually, I think it could possible be indicative in Camilla's narrative role as the "wanted"/"desired" one within the greek class – by Charles, Henry, Richard (although he wasnt there) and even Francis, although he wants to be her more so than actually wanting her.
Additionally, outside of how it actually functions within the story, her transformation into a creature associated so closely with innocence, especially in relation to Diana/Artemis' virginity, might perhaps be tied to Richards view of her as this "pure" and "virginal" person – obviously we know this is far from the truth, and he himself learns this later, but I think it definitely ties into this flawed angelic idea of her he so covets.
I think this interpretation ties into the myth of Actaeon (in terms of "deer transformation myths") although its very interesting to me that they different at key points – Camilla, the "virginual" character, is the one transformed, rather than the sexual transgressor (Charles) or the one who introduces miasma (Henry). But, like Actaeon, she is pursued and hunted – which, another key point – Actaeon is pursued and killed by his own hunting dogs, and Charles returns from the ritual with a bite mark, perhaps tying him into the myth thurther?
#sillies sillies#gay people will really write 5 paragraphs of analysis about a book written in the nineties instead of studing#(talking about himself)#~350 words isnt much BUT i dont write much literature analysis 4 myself outside of class#so I'm quite happy with this#feel free 2 add stuff on 🫡 I'm more familiar with Homer's works (and bits of Ovid) than i am wider greek myths#so if im missing any interesting deer transformation myths let me know :D#LOVE carmilla. obviously as flawed as any character but she's so interesting 2 me#both of the twins are honestly. what the fuck was their childhoods like that made them like that#cause. we know bits and pieces about francis and Henry's childhoods#and obviously Richard's#but i feel like we know so little about the twin's...#anyways#the secret history#the kat speaks#camilla macaulay#charles macaulay#francis abernathy#henry winter#richard papen#again not tagging buns cause hes not in here#although i wanna talk about his youth imagery @ some point#he's very Paris 2 me /pos#LOATH henry (ik hes as complex as the rest of them but he just rubs me up the wrong way. dont even hate him 4 the murder) but i really wish#i could hear his opinions on the character of the iliad#WHAT DID HE THINK OF PANDARUS. my boy my love#asshole in my class civ class who's name is very similar 2 henry's called him stupid... arse#he literally ticks every box of the homeric hero whats not to love#anyways. absolutely ESSAY of a post and tags#soz guys
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Blue Period is The Bear for art school and teaching.
#the art school critique stuff for me was like “ah yeah it beez like that” because my school handled critique in really healthy ways#But the kids art class arc where they go teach children and a deal with the helplessness of caring about a kid and their art and ultimately#having no say over the rest of their life outside of your class. So you can give them everything you’ve got building them up like#Twice a week and then any other arena of their life can tear it down and then they quit pursuing this thing that brought them joy forever.#truly that arc made me want to roll over and throw up more than any of them.#but also proved my lasting adage that a rowdy little shit is my favorite kind of student because you just need to point the laser beam of#their engagement at SOMETHING and they’re good to go.#I hope my past students are all doing well.#Blue period
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Fuck I am so worried everyone's gonna realize that I've actually been incapable and stupid this whole time
#grad school#i hate grad school so much#i know i'm beating myself up because i straight up missed a question on the last assignment#normally that wouldn't be that big of a problem#but this professor is such an unclear grader that i have no clue whether the rest of my hard work will matter#reminder to never again take classes from instructors who are younger than me#they are all too new at this and are very likely pure academics who have never had a job outside academia#and it fucking shows in their total lack of administrative skill
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scope bloat is so easy to fall victim too wow. slow your horse cowboy... the whole webbed site doesn't need to be done before the first commit....
#i keep having Ideas. many of them outside my paygrade#college classes are kinda coming back though which is epic :] i think i'm gonna spend the rest of tonight on a sidebar script#so i don't have to update across multiple pages (acting like i remember enough js to accomplish this)#moonspeak#addy said this is the first time in quite a while that he's seen me so excited/passionate about a project teehee <:3#it's rly only ocs that can grab me with this level of fervor anymore.... crasy stuff
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guy who has a large assignment due in 2 weeks: im going to finish all of golden kamuy
#redtailfins originals#to be fair ive been working on it except for today and yesterday where i completely crashed...#ah well#it is funny bc i havent had the social bandwidth to talk to anyone outside of class except for like 2 close friends + my housemates#+ 3 of my friends but i ONLY talk about golden kamuy with them#because im feeling sooo mentally healthy and normal#so its like i only talk about classes + my evil assignment + golden kamuy with anyone these days#oh well. thats probably fine#also i say 'finish' loosely bc i have a bad habit of binging stuff and not really playing close enough attention to stuff just because#im avoiding the rest of my life and just want to consume this story and do nothing else#and also bc i switched from anime to manga after s3#i did go back and read a bunch of chapters that i thought might be helpful but theres definitely stuff that i still missed#or just didnt process properly
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It’s like I care so much out of fear and not because I genuinely give a damn
#like if I wouldn’t be screamed at until I shut down and couldn’t respond anymore I wouldn’t give a damn about my grades#I wouldn’t be crying in the middle of the night over my favorite and most accomadating teacher#and how she’ll probably be disappointed in and hate me for barely doing any of my weeks of overdue assignments because I felt sad or whatevz#she never takes off points for late work#and I am so so so thankful for that#but she expects me to be better and able to at least try to keep up with homework with the rest of the class#and I can’t#because something is fucking wrong with me#and I can’t just power through like I’m supposed to#and I love this teacher she’s the only teacher of the language I’m taking that the district has so I’ll have her for years more#and I really don’t want her to think of me as someone incompetent who can’t do anything outside the classroom#because I don’t want to lose her accomadating ways and help that I don’t even have to ask for#I don’t even have any diagnoses or an IEP it’s like she just knows how to handle kids like me#I told her I would try harder#I told her I would study more to retake a few quizzes#and breaks nearly over#and I fucking didn’t#god damn it all#if the grades weren’t so vital to not getting screamed at and if I wasn’t so scared of ruining something that genuinely helps me#her class would be the absolute least of my worries#it would be another one of those things I pay little attention or care towards because I can manage to coast by#ok this probably makes no sense and I probably detracted from the point#but like#I’m fuckin scared man#scared of my dad checkijng grades and seeing all the zeroes and the zeroes not being filled immediately Wednesday when I come back#because well I somehow couldn’t fucking do then during my five day break of being at home doing nearly nothing#scared my teacher will stop noticing and helping me in the classroom because it helps sometimes way more than any teacher ever has#scared of another person realizing I’m worthless and can’t really do anything#scared of my dad finding out I have so much overdue work at ALL#he hasn’t checked the grades portal hardly at all this semester and oh god I’m so glad
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