#the red light making me like im an angry bull who’s about to run into the red flag at full speed

[hyunpic]

HYUNJIN | SO GOOD

[hargrove-mayfields]

Billy has to stick up for max a lot because of her autism, at school he walks to her class and their afraid of him because just,,, look at him

warnings for mentions of bullying and ableism.

It isn’t easy to make Maxine Mayfield cry.

At least, Billy had almost never seen her shed a tear in the six years he’d known her but maybe two times: once when she was still little, and just learned her step-family was going to move into her house and replace her real dad forever, and once when she was told they would be leaving California. Both times she’d run off to her room and slammed the door before anyone could see, but Billy had noticed. He always did when it came to Max. Had to when he knew damn well how much trouble he’d be in if things went wrong while he was watching her.

Beyond that there were a few teary eyed looks that got wiped away, maybe a sniffle she’d try to cover up by complaining about her allergies, but it was very rare, even during meltdowns, that she’d be full on crying, tears streaming down her face so quickly she couldn’t wipe them away while sobs wrack through her and make her shake.

So Billy knows first thing that something is very, very wrong when she’s already at his car after school, her face buried in her balled up jacket and doing exactly that. He can hear her from outside the car, so he sighs and knocks on the window before he yanks the door open, but Max doesn’t even flinch, just curls up tighter in the passenger seat and ignores him.

That’s a bad sign too, the fact she isn’t even trying to hide it from him, “What’s a’matter Maxi?”

“None of your business.” She snaps at him, voice thick and wet with tears. It’s unfamiliar seeing her like that and it makes Billy feel tense ang guilt even though he didn’t do it this time, so he tries, “Come on. It totally is my business. You get tears on my leather seats n’the salt’ll stain ‘em up, and you’ll be the one to clean it up.”

All it gets from Max is another heavy sob, instantly hitting him with a pang of regret for trying to be light about this, “Shit. M’sorry, Maxi. Didn’t mean it like that. Just tryin’ ta make you smile.”

“Well it didn’t work!” Max sniffles, throwing her jacket on the dash and finally turning to look at Billy, face flushed red and tracked with tears, her bottom lip still wobbling, “I’ll never ever smile again..”

“Why not? I know it’s not just because of your dumbass brother.” Billy sees a twitch at the corner of her lip, the slightest hint of a smile at him insulting himself, and he counts that as a small win, a sign he’s getting at least a little bit through to Max, so he prompts her again, “What happened at school today, Max?”

Her gaze drops to her lap, and she shrugs her shoulders slightly, stiffly, as she mumbles an explanation, “Remember how I told you about that boy, who's mean to me and my friends?”

“‘Course I do. I never forget anythin’ you tell me.”

Max wipes her nose on her sleeve, and corrects him, “Except for when you forgot I told you I had AV club and you came in the school looking for me and then you got stuck talking to a teacher for like, three hours after I was done.”

“Yeah, well that was one time. N’I was already havin’ a bad day when you told me, thank you very much.” He encourages her, his face serious though their tone is light-hearted, “Keep goin’, what’d this kid do now?”

Again Max’s features close off, and she tries to lie, “He was just.. Well it was my fault.. I-I don’t know.”

“Max. I need the truth.”

Talking fast, like she’s fighting against her thoughts, she makes him promise, “Promise me you won’t do anything dumb, first.”

Billy lifts a hand from the steering wheel, “I won’t. Cross my heart, Maxi.”

At this point, in the silence that builds while Max wills herself to speak, Billy starts to drive, since it’s clear he won’t be going back into that school. It isn’t lost on him the way Max takes a deep breath, out of relief that he meant it when he said he wasn’t going to be dumb and march back in there.

Quickly, once she’s ready, she explains, “Okay. Well he kinda sort of told me that I was annoying ‘cause I laugh too much, and I told him it was just a stim n’that I couldn’t help it but he said that made me a baby and I told him I wasn’t and he called me a retard instead and I was already stressed so I started crying like a dumb baby and he laughed at me and none of my friends said anything or helped me and I just.. yeah.”

All Billy can do is raise his eyebrows, has about a hundred and one pissy and angry things he could say, but he doesn’t utter a word, because he doesn’t want to make Max more upset than she already is.

Clearly just the change in his expression spooks her though, because she insists, sounding like she could cry again at any second, “You promised me!”

He puts his hands up sort of defensively, though he has to grab the wheel again when the car veers, swallowing his anger to tell her calmly, “I didn’t even say anything. I promised I’d be nice and I’m gonna keep that promise.”

She nods hesitantly, more to show trust than agreement, so Billy continues, “But Maxi that’s.. bad. Why don’t you tell a teacher or some shit?”

“Yeah, like they would even do anything. They already hate me for being in their coed classes.” Max mumbles the last part, looking away, “They’d probably rather Troy beat me up so I wouldn’t be bothering them anymore.”

“Tell me you’re being dramatic.”

But Max just shrugs again.

“Fuck, I hate this fucking place.” Billy tears his eyes from the road to look Max in the eyes as she says it, even knowing she can’t return the gesture, “You know you don’t deserve to go through this shit, Maxi?”

“It.. is kinda my fault though.”

He lashes out, just a little, hearing her talk like that about herself. Because it’s not fair that a thirteen year old girl looks at herself that way, yeah, but also because he knows it’s in some ways his fault too, and their parents for the way she’d been brought up, and the shit she'd been around that she even thinks to say shit like that.

He hits the palm of his hand against the rim of his steering wheel, rather he goes to before he catches himself, slowing it before it really hits, tapping it more than anything, “No the fuck it isn’t. It’s nobody’s fault but the assholes that make it into a problem. And fucking Neil’s for dragging us to this close-minded little spot on the map. I hate this fucking town”

“Oh.” Is all Max says.

Billy waits, but he can see she doesn’t know what else to say, so he sighs, “Look, I made my promise to you. Can you make one for me now?”

Max looks confused, “Okay?”

“Promise me that the next time somebody says some shit to you, you stand up for yourself.” Max scrunches up her face, like she immediately disagrees with that, but Billy insists, “Look, I don’t care if you’re crying like a damn baby or you can’t even talk while you do it, just don’t let ‘em walk all over you like that again.”

“I’m not fighting anyone, Billy. I’m not.. like you.”

“That’s not what I said. I said to stand up for yourself. It’s different.”

“Yeah right. How am I supposed to do that?” Billy knows that some asshole had to have said that to Max, that for whatever bullshit reason she couldn’t stick up for herself. Damn kid can’t catch a break in life, so he tells her, at this point not sure if this is even advice or just him ranting at Max, “This kid calls you a slur again, tell ‘im at least you got the diagnosis. Make him feel like he’s the stupid one. And if a teacher ever pulls some shit about the way you learn, tell ‘em you’ll go to the board of education and personally get their asses fired. Your mom would fight for you.”

“No she wouldn’t.”

“Then dammit I would. Your friends would if they understood. I know Sinclair would kick ass for you.”

Max’s toughness finally cracks- she learned that from him, to put on that hard exterior and fake it- Billy's determination stronger than her stubbornness. She looks up at him with a look in her eye that says he’s said all the right things, “You really think so?”

“No shit. Big brothers know all about this kind of bull.”

“I guess.” Max smiles just a little, and tells him matter-of-factly, “But you’re not that kind of big brother. You’re too cool.”

“Hell yeah I am.” Billy hums proudly, adding with humor in his tone, “But it’s even more cool to be nice to your little sister than it is to be an asshole. Remember that one.”

Max nods, listing it off on her fingers, “Stand up for myself, but don’t be an asshole, and Billy's secretly a big softie. I think I got it.”

“Good. Now out of my car, shitbird.”

Giggling in that way that says she knows she got him, Max swings open her door and runs into the house, leaving Billy to watch after her. He turns off the car but doesn’t get out, trying to bury his worry for her under his expression, not because he didn’t care, or even because he didn’t want her to know, he was long past that, but because he was worried what would happen if Susan saw his concern.

She’d weasel the truth out of Max if she knew something was up, and somehow, despite her promises, Neil would find out once he dragged his ass back home from the bar later tonight, and then it would somehow be Billy’s fault. He just hopes, if Max lets slip about the bullying, she at least doesn’t get too mouthy and mention the part where she was crying.

That was a Friday when that all went down, so Billy has the weekend, which thankfully does not include any snitching, to decide what he’s going to do about it. It’s not like he was ever going to go beat up on any tweens anyways, but he promised Max he wouldn’t be dumb, and he knew that meant no passive aggressive bullshit either. At least not while she could see him.

Because that ruled out like, half of his options, he’s still kind of clueless on what he’s going to do that next Monday morning when schools back in. He’s sitting in the middle school parking lot, fingers twitching against the steering wheel without a cigarette to busy them with, waiting for 7:30 on the dot when Max always goes in.

At this point, he’s considering just ditching with her to go get ice cream or something so she doesn’t have to face any bullies today, but his epiphany comes in the form of watching Jonathan Byers walk the littler one all the way to the front doors, his hand protectively hooked through the handle on the kid’s backpack. When the clock ticks the right time and Max opens her door, he knows what he’s going to do, and he turns the car off.

She freezes, can tell he’s up to something. “What are you doing?”

“Nothin’. M’just walking you in.” She glares at him in response to the smug smile he wears, so he swears, “Honest. I got basketball today. No way I’m missing that shit ‘cause I fought some little kid.”

“You’re lying.”

“Can’t I just be nice to my little sister?”

From the look on her face, she’s still skeptical, but it's enough to get Max to agree to it, grabbing her bag from the backseat and mumbling, “Whatever. Just don’t embarrass me.”

Billy chuckles, giving Max a head start towards the building before he follows, “Hey now, I thought just yesterday I was your cool older brother.”

“Cool older brothers don’t walk their sisters to the door.” She calls it over her shoulder, and Billy can’t help but tease her more, correcting her in a sing-songy voice, “Who said I was stoppin’ at the door? I’m walking you all the way to your class.”

“Oh god.” Max stops walking, but Billy keeps up, this time pulling ahead enough to call back to her, “Come on shitbird. Don’t wanna be late.”

“I hate you so much.”

“Yeah, right. You love that I would take the time outta my morning to do this for you.” He props open the door for Max with his boot, pretending not to notice the way all the little middle school kids at their lockers turn to gawk at them, letting her shove past him with her face flushed deeper than the color of her hair in embarrassment.

Pulling on her backpack straps, like she’s trying to physically make herself smaller, she mumbles, “No, I actually hate you.”

He almost feels bad for embarrassing her, but that’s the other part of his job, and he reminds her of that, “Good. There’s some more advice for ya, little sisters should always hate their big brothers, or he’s doing something wrong.”

They get a little ways down the hall, Max’s confidence going up just some as the shock wears off and people start to turn away, but Billy hardly notices. He doesn’t even come close to being bothered by eighth grade politics anymore, and if he’s intimidating the poor kids, well that’s exactly what he’s there for.

When he’s met with a particularly harsh glare from some snob nosed brat, who happens to remind him a lot of one Tommy Hagan, he bumps into Max on purpose, and announces louder than he needs to in hopes the kid’ll know he was looking for him, “That the little asshole s’been givin’ you trouble?”

Glancing nervously between him and Billy, she nods, “Yeah..”

Billy just nods, a cross between acknowledgment and judgement, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You said-“ Again Max panics, but Billy cuts her off this time with a simple assurance of, “And I didn’t do anything.”

Her eyebrows knit together, realizing that that wasn’t a lie, “I.. guess you didn’t.”

“What’s your first class anyways?”

“We report to the cafeteria before first period.” She informs him, leading him that way, but he hooks two fingers through the strap on her bag to stop her, “Not gonna happen, Maxi. Being shoved in a tiny room with three hundred other kids makes you feel all ‘meltdowny’ I think was your exact word. So you’re not doin’ that anymore. I just decided.”

“But that’s against the rules.”

“Yeah, so’s me bein’ in this building during school hours, but nobody’s saying shit to me, are they?”

Max narrows her eyes at him then, and he knows he said too much, that he’s been found out, “That’s your plan isn’t it.”

There’s a crooked smile on his face he can’t hide as he plays innocent-like, “What is?”

Max pushes him a little and he pretends to misstep while she accuses him, “Coming into school and being all intimidating so nobody will bug me anymore.”

“Pfft, yeah right.” Billy denies again, getting nothing but an eye roll in response at first, but when it’s clear it’s he’s not going to give up and admit it, Max does, glancing shortly over at him, “Well thanks anyways, Billy.”

She adds, realizing he’s wandering with no idea where they’re going, having never been in the middle school himself, “My first class is in B-18.”

“Which one is’at?” He asks, just curious, but Max deflects the question, giving a short, “It’s taught by Mr. Clarke.”

Just from how quiet she is, Billy can tell that she's hiding something, “Max. You seriously don’t even know what class you’re in?”

“No I don’t, okay?” Max stops in the middle of the hallway, ranting at her brother, “It’s already not the same as my old school, and then they moved my schedule all around again after they decided I didn’t qualify for special ed, so now I just go where I’m s’posed to, and I know my teachers better than my classes.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“No. There’s nothing anyone can do so it doesn’t matter.” Her tone implies she thought a lot about it, maybe even wanted to, but decided not to.

Billy insists right back, these past two days feeling like he’s constantly petitioning for Max to trust and rely on him, “Oh I could do somethin’. You know I could.”

“I do. But I don’t want you to. Sticking up for me is enough.”

That’s what makes Billy understand. The firmness in her voice says everything she needs him to hear: Max doesn’t want Billy to do for her what she can handle. This is bigger than just being the older brother. This is her setting boundaries, asking for help without wanting to be controlled. That’s something he never really got how to do, being raised by a dictator and all, but it’s something she needs. Sometimes he forgets that.

He doesn’t say anything else, just lets it sit while Max takes him down some stairs to the right room. She stops outside, scuffing up the dusty marble floors with the toe of her Chuck Taylor’s, “Could you.. stick around for a little bit in case he says something?”

Billy clicks his tongue, remarking, “I dunno. I got a class in a few..”

But his sarcasm falls short with Max, which, that’s his bad for not realizing that it would, and her face falls, “Oh, well I guess I can just-”

“Was just funnin’ you shitbird. I don’t give a fuck about my classes.” Max grimaces in that all too familiar way of uncertainty, so he promises, “I’ll be right out here. Go talk to your teacher, ‘n if he says some shit to you, remember I only promised not be stupid about the bully.”

He at least gets a smile for that one, before Max rolls her eyes, “You’re not fighting my science teacher, dummy.”

“Whatever. Just get in there, brat.”

He can see Max holding back a smile as she listens, bounding into her classroom with another quick glance back at Billy to check that he wasn’t lying and going to walk away.

Billy waits until the door fall closed to lean against the row of lockers opposite it, watching her through the little meshed over windows. By now, he’s pretty well versed on what arguments with angry authority figures look like, and the conversation between Max and her teacher is not one. He still stays though, just because Max asked him to, but maybe, just maybe a little for himself, a reassurance that the second he leaves shit isn’t going to get worse, and Max’ll have at least someone other than her equally as nerdy little friends behind her.

Then they both turn and give him a little wave, Max and her teacher, an acknowledgment to Billy that this new routine was indeed going to work out. The way the school district had handled everything else, he wonders if the guy even knew Max wasn’t like his other students until now.

Still, seeing that, Billy gives a half nod in response, and decides his job is done here, at least until tomorrow when he does the same. Max’ll get used to it, and his hope is that the little bully brats won’t. He’ll just have to keep them on their toes.

Which is exactly why, while on his way out, Billy has to break his promise to Max, just slightly, and do something dumb. He finds the Troy kid again, and waits until the little punk is at his peak to knock him down a few pegs.

He’s complaining about some teacher, which is pretty typical for a thirteen-fourteen year old kid, but the other things he’s said to Max make it not as relatable, not as innocent. So he does what any logical, mature adult would do, and scares the piss out of him.

Billy waits until the kid gets a laugh from his troop of assholes, and slams the locker door beside him shut, uncaring of who’s it was. All eyes are quickly on him, all too wide against too pale faces. It’s too easy.

“What are you little shits whining about over here?”

The one in charge steps forward, trying to be tough despite the way he has to practically bend backwards to look up at Billy’s face, “None of your business. Did the freak send you after us to scare us? It ain’t gonna work.”

“Oh I’m not here to scare you. I’m just here to give you your final warning. We’re past the point of intimidation. Matter of fact, next time I have to come here.. it won’t be looking so good for you.”

“You’re lying.” The kid accuses, despite the obvious doubt written behind his features.

Billy can work with that.

“I might be. But I’m still an authority figure over your sorry little asses, and if you don’t start respecting that..” He bends down a little further, still nowhere near the kid but making his whole troupe flinche back, and drops his pitch, “well, I can’t promise what’ll happen to ya, but unlike your teachers, I don’t play by the rules. You got that?”

Straightening himself back out, Billy pretends to start walking away before he adds, “Oh, and if you pick on my kid sister ever again, I will know. Just remember that, uh, Troy was it?”

The kid nods dumbly, literally vibrating with something like fear, and Billy can say he’s pretty satisfied with that. He pats the kid on the shoulder, a touch so gentle it wouldn’t’ve hurt a fly, and notably couldn’t get him in any trouble, but the little shit scampers off, three other puffy head bullies trailing after him.

Everyone sees it happen, Billy with his nasty smirk and his distinguishably high-schooler way of carrying himself, Troy running for the hills in the other direction. He leaves feeling like his point has been thoroughly proven.

It isn’t easy to make Maxine Mayfield cry, but it’s even harder to get away with it, and Billy knows it won’t be a problem from now on.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

[im-sexy-and-im-mystictrash]

RFA+V+Unknown+Vanderwood knowing MC before

Yo I’ve seen this a few times but I wanna do my take on this. The crew and trio knowing you before the whole RFA thing let’s have fun shall we?

Yoosung

“MC I can’t wait to meet you in person!”

“But we already met once”

Hold up

“We’ve met?!”

You were a little upset but then remember he doesn’t know what you look like

“Yup~ you’ll find out who I am at the party~”

MC you tease

You actually worked at his favorite Cafe when he was in high school

When he had long days studying he would come to the cafe

He didn’t really notice you at first because he was so focused on school

But then one day he walked in the shop with lifeless eyes

you actually grew to like him and seeing him like this hurt

so as you place down his drink you sit across from him.

“Are you okay?”

He was really confused

just some random pretty girl

is talking

to me?

“Ah yeah...”

“You’re a terrible liar”

He was taken aback

“I’ve seen you for awhile and you don’t usually act like this...sorry if im prying but do you want to talk about it”

You do your whole cute thing and it works

He explained that someone close to him died

You were very understanding and he noticed that

You have to get back to work but you hug him

“You’re strong! you got this!”

When he went back again you weren’t there anymore

Fast forward to the party he was very surprised when he saw you

“Omg it’s you!?”

He was very happy

He actually had a crush on you 

it was like it was meant to be

Zen

You were part of his middle school theater club!

“Hey Zen do you still play guitar?”

???

“How did you know I used to play? are you a fan~?”

“Well I was in your theater club-”

“You were?!”

He tried to narrow it down

but a bunch of girls would come and go because they only joined to see him

“I wasn’t very good so i did all the props”

He remembers very clearly about how beautiful the set was but never knew who did them

“That was you?!”

You were a bit hurt that he didn’t bother to find out who you were, but it didn’t bother you much you’re just glad he’s doing something good with his life

Once you went to his house when he was healing he just saw you and

“I do know you!”

And you’re confused because you never would have guessed that he knew you

“You’re the one that kicked my mother out of the dressing room when she tried to pull me out of the play”

Oh yeah

She came barging in trying to pull Zen out by his hair and you just went off on her

“Zen has been working very hard on this play and if you pull him out right as he’s about to get on stage so help me god I will give you more problems then just your obvious jealousy over how beautiful your son is”

Savage MC in the house

His mother was angry and flustered

“How dare-”

“OH! do you hear that? It’s the sounds of people cheering for your handsome son! you must be so proud to have a son that’s more well liked then you!”

que deep offended gasp

mama was gone

He still thinks of that day

He tried looking for you after but he couldn’t find you

“You are my hero”

Jaehee

“So Jaehee do you still tap your forehead with your pen?”

“Wait? how do you know that??”

You told her that you knew her from a long time ago.

She has a very good memory so she was quite frustrated when she couldn’t remember you

“Maybe you blocked it out? it was a pretty sad story”

She was very confused but you explain it was around when her mom got into that car accident.

You were part of the car crash, you were in one of the cars that got hit

While in the hospital you heard the news about the woman that died and her daughter was around waiting to be picked up by her uncle

You first spotted Jaehee filling out some papers at the front desk

hitting her forehead with the pen

remembering what she looked like and feeling bad you left your hospital room against your nurses wishes

You saw her outside by herself with lifeless eyes

without any words you just sat beside her

“You look very injured, you should go back into the hospital”

She was very cold to you

“Naw I’ll just sit here”

She was annoyed and tried to get up but you just pull her down to sit again

“You should sit here two, it sucks to be alone”

She just looks at you but doesn’t move

That’s all that really happened is you sat with her while you two waited for her uncle

It was only a half hour of silence but it was nice

You noticed that she started to quietly cry but you didn’t say anything but put your hand on hers

When she sees her uncle she wipes her tears and goes to him

“I barely remember that”

she was more trusting to you

more willing to talk about things and even bring up her mother more

“It’s funny, I thought you were helping me now, but you’ve been helping more far longer then I thought...thank you”

Jumin

“I see those etiquette classes did you justice Jumin”

“How are you aware of my classes? I don’t remember telling you

“I was in your class, I was your partner”

He thinks about it

“I don’t recall”

“I would be surprised if you did, you didn’t like me because I was a girl”

“haha so does Jumin Han is gay is true!”

“Shut it seven”

“Well that wasn’t the only reason..”

you were the girl that he practiced on to properly treat a lady

He was very good at pretending but you caught on his bull shit

“you could at least act like you like me”

Jumin was taken aback that you were able to see through him

“Isn’t this the point of the class? is to act?”

“Well you’re not wrong, but you seriously act too much. loosen up”

He didn’t like your chill and laid back attitude

it rubbed him the wrong way

It wasn’t until you saw first hand how the woman treated him and how his father was and you just

“Yeah....you have a good reason for being an ass”

He appreciated that you understood but he still requested a new partner

“I never knew why you switched partners...what I that forward?”

He remembered who you are after you told him about this

It’s wasn’t until he was ready to tell you that the reason he switched was because he had a crush on you and thought the feelings he felt for you were hate

“You mixed up the feelings of love with hate?”

“Ya”

you had a lot to teach this man

Seven (also some spoilers~)

“I still have that astronomy book if you want it”

“The what???”

“You know...the book you forgot at church, I still have it”

“wHAT?!”

He was so confused

He did a very thorough background check on you

and he was well hidden so how did you know it was him???

before you could talk anything more about his past he calls you

“God seven would like for you to not say anything to the others about what you know about me mmkay?”

“I wasn’t planning on it, I was just curious if you still wanted the book”

Of course he wanted that book. It was the book that he read with Saeran

But he was an agent now, he cant go over there to get a childhood book

But when “Unknown” Came in seven had to go.

When you saw him it was like

“...Saeran is that you?”

you recognized Unknown before Seven could

When Saeran left and it was just you and Saeyoung it was really quiet

you still tried to get close to him and he still pushed you away

But one night you just sat against his back with the book in hand

“MC not this again I’m trying to-”

He stopped when you started reading from the book to him

He had relaxed, it was like he was safe again

Your voice reading these words were perfect.

once you finished the book you move to sit beside him

“If you want the book back it’s still yours.”

“How did you even know this was mine?”

“You had that thing glued to your side how could I not...besides”

You open the book and pull out a picture

“The bookmark said it was yours”

He hasn’t seen this in years and you had it this whole time

He knew this was fate

You were his fate

V (spoilers?)

“Jumin long time no see how is Jihyun?”

It was your first day but you already knew about them so it raised some red flags

“Are you a stalker? how do you know Jihyun?”

“haha I’m sad you don’t remember me Jumin, we were all in the same  etiquette classes, I was your partner and then you made me switch and I became Jihyun’s etiquette partner.”

“oh yeah, well if you want to see how he is, I’ll inform him of your worries”

“Wait no that’s not-”

Jumin has left the chatroom

You actually got a call from Jihyun

“MC? I didn’t know that was you”

You two did a bunch of catching up, although you noticed something was up with him

“I hope you’re okay Jihyun, you seem off...”

“Me off?”

“Very, you have to remember I knew everything about you”

“Sorry”

“This is just like you, stop saying sorry. If you need someone to talk about you can call me okay? I care about you”

that hit his heart, something that he didn’t feel for a long time.

he found himself calling you more and more

one day he was showed up in the apartment in total shambles

“What do I do?”

He was a mess, he was in a mess

Mint eye, his eyes and Rika

you were there for him, he needed you

With you around he didn’t even think of his mistakes 

you were the light he needed  

Unknown (Spoilers hardcore Spoilers)

“Hmmmmm I don’t see the lock”

“that’s strange,there’s really nothing? there’s really nothing to put the password in?”

“There’s nothing”

“I can see with my own eyes that you are standing in front of a password door lock...are you going to continue to lie to me?”

“what? You can see me?”

“Yes I guess that’s it then”

“Plan failed”

You were so confused and then you see this tall lanky guy but then you’re like

“Saeran!”

You run over to him

“Whoa Saeran you've changed...are you okay?”

????

????

What?

“What?! how do you know me!?”

He was super aggressive

“We were friends...how could I not remember my best friend?”

He stopped

“friend? I had a friend?”

“Well yeah...we were pretty close but then you were gone...”

He saw how upset you were that he left you and he was so confused like

you like and miss him???

“You’re lying”

You pull out your wallet and there’s a photo of you and him hugging

“We took this when I snuck you out of your mom’s house and we spent the whole day together before your mom noticed.”

He actually starts to remember you

He was brainwashed so bad that he forgot you

He still planned on making you his a assistant and you agreed so you could keep an eye on him

You saw how corrupted he became and you wanted to help

Slowly you helped him get better

he was very against you and angry about everything

but he didn’t hate you he actually enjoyed you being there with him

you made this hell hole more bearable 

Rika wasn’t very happy about how you were changing Saeran

She wanted to brainwash you too but he didn’t want that for you

He didn’t quite understand these feelings he had for you but he felt them

So when Seven came and got him you were right by his side.

he wouldn’t go anywhere without you

it would take time but you would be the reason Saeran would be happy again

Vanderwood

it was actually him that recognized you through the CCTV

“agent 707...that woman...”

“Oh~ do you like her?”

“I know her”

exe.agent 707 is frozen

“You know MC???”

“personal you don’t need to know”

“Why is she there?”

He explained that you were the newest member of RFA and might or might not be in danger

Vanderwood volunteered to watch you 24/7

Seven tried to dig up anything and found out you were his fiancé

Dramatic god seven gasping

New mission for agent 707 is to be match maker

Seven actually brought you to his home for “safety”

“Seven where’s MC? I don’t see her on the CCTV”

“She’s here”

...

...

What?

“She’s here I figured it would be easier to watch her this way”

He was so ready to get out of there before you could see him

But alas he was found by you 

“Vanderwood? what are you....how?”

“ I should go...”

“Vanderwood sit your ass on that couch so I can think!”

Que obedient Vanderwood

Seven is internally dying of laughter

to tame the Vanderwood you must out rude the Vanderwood

“I don’t know what to think....should I kiss you for seeing you or should i slap you for leaving so suddenly”

“As a hardcore shipper of you two I would prefer kiss first, slap later”

“Agent 707 shut up”

you make him explain what happened

After his long tangent of him trying to justify him leaving you before you two could get married you had your answer

“You know seven I’m thinking Slap first kiss later”

“As long as there’s a kiss between my ship I don’t care”

there was a slap and a kiss

seven took pictures

for both

You forgive him and Vanderwood takes up Seven’s offer of leaving the agency

He had to buy you a new ring to start over with you

Omg it is 5 A.M right now, I have to sleep good night~

Master list of my headcanons

Ray’s headcanon

[whichie]

Sleep Deprivation

summary: 

In all of class 1-A’s time together, they have never once heard Midoriya cuss. Not even when he’s at his most distressed had they heard a single utterance of anything close to profanity, so imagine their shock when they found out that all it took was an angry Bakugou and some sleep deprivation.

a/n: wow im tired please take this thank you.

read it on ao3

Midoriya was running on nothing but coffee and two hours of sleep. UA’s final exams will do that to you, and he finds that the rest of his classmates are not in quite the same boat as he is. For the past  two weeks he’s been studying for any possible question his teachers can throw at him, and more often than not he’s woken up to his notes sticking to his face and an awful crick in his neck.

Trudging along to his homeroom class, a can of red bull in his hand, Midoriya sees Bakugou in a similar state as he is. Which is not at all surprising when you take into account the fact that they’re both one of the top students in their class, next to Todoroki, Yaoyorozu, and Iida. Seeing Bakugou in a foul mood is common and not that hard to endure, but a Bakugou tired and in a foul mood is harder to ignore. Currently, Midoriya is giving him a wide berth, just in case Bakugou tries to take out his grumpiness on him.

It seemed like no amount of maneuvering was going to get him away from Bakugou’s ire, if the barely audible, “Hey, Deku, you fucking loser, get over here!” is anything to go by. Midoriya really was in no mood to deal with him right now, so for the sake of his sanity, he continued walking down the halls, pretending not to hear Bakugou’s growling remarks.

Walking into homeroom was probably the worst mistake Midoriya could have made, if only because the rest of the class wasn't nearly as much of a wreck as he was. Sure, they looked a little worse for wear, but they did seem to be sleeping more than he has. That is, except for Iida. The boy seemed to have permanent bags under his eyes these days.

“Whoah, Midoriya, you’re not looking too good,” Kirishima says, and Midoriya only grunts in acknowledgement.

Shuffling to his seat and sitting down in what could only be described as an undignified slump, he sees Todoroki frowning in concern. “Are you okay?”

Midoriya’s reply was cut short by Bakugou slamming open the door to the class and storming in. He stomped to his seat, and Midoriya could overhear Kaminari say, “Man, Bakugou looks like shit, too.”

“Well, they are some of the top students in the class. You're obviously not studying enough if you can still smile.” Jirou said back, and this started an argument over who was studying more (neither of them), which got quickly drowned out in favor of Midoriya laying his head down and trying to fall asleep.

“Deku, I was fucking talking to you.”

Midoriya was, impossibly, reaching the end of his rope. He’s really not trying to make Bakugou feel any worse than he already is, but it was so hard when he’s so tired and Bakugou is so annoying.

“Don't ignore me, fuckmunch.”

Midoriya regretfully lifted his head to look at Bakugou, who was standing right in front of his desk and glaring daggers at him. “Listen, Kaachan, I'm too tired to deal with your shit right now, so I'd appreciate it if you would go away.”

All heads turned to them, and utter silence reigned over the room.

In all of class 1-A’s time together, they have never once heard Midoriya cuss. Not even when he’s at his most distressed had they heard a single utterance of anything close to profanity, so imagine their shock when they found out that all it took was an angry Bakugou and some sleep deprivation.

“Did he just—”

“Oh my god!”

“Did someone record that?!”

“Who are you and what have you done to Midoriya?”

“Please, someone tell me they recorded that!”

Midoriya only groaned and laid his head back down, hoping the gods will be kind to him and kill him right then and there so that maybe he could get some sleep.

(In the corner, no one noticed Todoroki’s red face and his internal screaming, because he really shouldn't have found that so hot, but really, can anyone blame him?)

.

.

.

The ever looming exams getting nearer and nearer brought out a side of Midoriya no one thought they’d ever see. The first time they wrote off as a fluke, a one time thing that came and went and was never to be see again. The second time, however, was the start of a trend.

“Hey, Midoriya, do you know where  I put my jacket? The blue one.” Sero walked into the common room to find a zombie like Midoriya sitting on the floor surrounded by piles of paper.

“Fuck no, sorry,” he said, and went back to turning his notes into paper airplanes and shooting them into Kirishima’s snoring face, because he lost the ability to read them hours ago.

“Oh-oh, okay, sorry to disturb you, I guess.” And he backed out of the room slowly, only to bolt upstairs moments later yelling, “You guys will not believe what I just heard!”

And he was right, they didn't believe him.

.

.

.

Midoriya knew he must be losing his mind. The lack of sleep was finally getting to him, and he’s hallucinating, because that was the only reason why his heart was beating so fast when he looked at Todoroki laughing.

Well, cackling was more the right word. Todoroki Shouto was cackling. It was something to do with what Midoriya said, but he couldn't really remember what it was. It doesn't matter, because the rising sun was streaming in through the windows behind Todoroki and casting a warm glow around his hair, making his left side even more red and the right side a soft pink.

Midoriya knows Todoroki said something, but for the life of him he couldn't concentrate on what. “ —oriya, hey Midoriya.” Todoroki was waving his hand in front of his face, and Midoriya snapped out of his thoughts. “What were you thinking about?”

“Oh, nothing!” Lies. “I was just wondering what Aizawa was going to make us do for the practical exam.” Lies. He hoped Todoroki doesn't see his reddening face.

Todoroki gave him a Look that Midoriya doesn't know how to interpret. “Are you getting enough sleep? Because if you’re not, maybe you should take this time to catch up.”

Oh, man. Midoriya was in some deep shit. Todoroki was too sweet, really, it should be illegal. “A-Alright, yeah, I’ll do that.” he watched as Todoroki smiled and turned around again.

He really is fucked. “Shit.”

“What?”

“Nothing!”

.

.

.

Over the course of the next week, there was five other occasions where Midoriya cussed, and each time was followed either by another sip of his caffeinated drink, or the indecipherable mutterings about his notes that probably wouldn't make sense even if they could be heard.

Most of these occurrences have been harmless, just some ruder replies than what a normal, well-rested-and-not-stressed Midoriya would have said. The only person who took the words personally was Bakugou, who seemed to think that annoying him even more was the answer, and so Midoriya took to hiding out in Todoroki’s room in order to get away from him.

Currently, Todoroki was sitting on his bed reading a book, while Midoriya was pacing about quizzing himself on the different ways a hero could get their license revoked. Todoroki would be lying if he said he wasn't worried.

“Why don't you take a break for a while,” he said. That at least got Midoriya to stop talking to himself, but in his distracted state, he wasn't looking where he was going, and ran into the bed frame.

“God dammit!” he said, and started to hop on one foot while clutching his shin in the other.

If Midoriya was paying any attention, he would have heard the choked off sound coming from Todoroki, and would have seen his slight blush when he got off the bed and came over.  “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

Midoriya stopped bouncing around, but he was limping slightly. “Yeah, it just hurt. Don't worry, it wasn’t your fault.”

Todoroki led Midoriya to his bed and forced him to lay down, saying, “You really should rest, Midoriya, this isn't healthy.”

He tried to struggle, but it was Todoroki who won in the end, wrestling a blanket over him and silencing any arguments. “But i need to—”

“No.”

“But my notes—”

“No.”

In five minutes, Midoriya fell asleep, and Todoroki continued to read in the comforting sound of his soft snores.

.

.

.

When final exams ended, the students of UA didn't know what to do with themselves. Some took to celebrating in the common room with food and drinks. While others, like Todoroki, preferred to relax in their room.

Well, that was what he planned to do, anyway, until he saw Midoriya shuffling along the path back to the dorms, and thought of a better idea. “How’d you do?” he asked.

“Better than I think, probably, but I don't actually remember any of the material.”    

Midoriya was a complete mess. With tired eyes, wrinkly clothes, and messier hair than normal, it was a wonder the boy was even still standing. “Why don't you watch a movie with me when we get back, to celebrate doing better than you think,” he offered with a small smile.

Midoriya seemed to perk up at that. “Alright.”

They walked together in companionable silence, and when they reached the dorms, they said goodbye to their classmates and headed up the stairs. Todoroki headed over to his small movie selection and said, “So what are you in the mood to watch? I'm sorry I don't have such a wide range to choose from.” When he noticed that he got no answer, he looked back to see Midoriya passed out on his bed, face adorably squashed down into the pillows.

He smiled and turned out the lights. Crawling onto the other side of the bed, he pulled the covers over both of them and tucked it under Midoriya’s chin. Todoroki stayed like that, just looking at Midoriya sleep peacefully for the first time in what was probably weeks, until he too fell asleep.

(and no one but Midoriya saw his red face when he woke up tangled around Todoroki, resting his head on the other’s chest. He debated moving, if only to make the position less awkward, but Todoroki was far too comfortable and the blankets were far too warm, so he decided against it.)

[buckyismyaesthetic]

Punk (Chap. 4)

Summary: You’re head over heels for your best friend Bucky and hate the nickname he gave you as it doesn’t exactly scream romance.

Word count: 1878 

Warnings: Cursing, low-self esteem, chubby!reader x bucky, idk….

A/N:  Sorry for the long wait.  I needed some time.  I’ve got the next few chapters just about ready to go…and I’m gonna try and make them hurt ;) yay angst!

After Natasha successfully slammed you to the mat for the sixteenth time in a row you finally cried ‘uncle’ and ended the hour long workout/torture session.  You’d come here to kickbox and beat the holy hell out of a bag but a certain spider had other ideas.

“I deserve this,” you groaned.  Your chest heaved as your lungs strained for breath. The amorphous blob of a sweatshirt you insisted on wearing while exercising was soaked with sweat and made you feel as if you were slowly cooking in one of Hell’s saunas.  “This is why I hate exercising.”  Nat extended a hand to pull you to your feet but you shook your head dramatically on the mat.  “No, just leave me here to die.  I quit.  You go out and fight the good fight.  I’ll save my skills and start a nice, quiet dart league or somethin’.”  Natasha rolled her eyes and kicked your leg. “No, seriously.  I retire my knives to you.  My guns, throwing stars, all of it.  Take care of Ferd for me.  Tell him his mummy loved him,” you wailed with a huge fake sob.

Nat chuckled as she sipped from her water bottle. You did this every time she beat you; abandoned your position on the team, gave away your possessions, forced someone to take care of Ferdinand after you were gone.  Granted, hand-to-hand wasn’t really your strong suit. You were a sniper…of sorts.  A deadshot.  A bulls-eye artist.  Basically, you always hit your target….except when it came to love…

Speaking of love… “Aw, come on. You can’t die on me, Punk.” Bucky’s throaty chuckle caught you off guard and you scrambled to your feet, blowing out your cheeks at the nickname. Punk  Uuuunnnngggghhh.  He was leaning against the door to the training room, shirt soaked with sweat and clinging to his torso.  The ripples and panes of muscle became more defined with each breath.  God, he was so rude!  Who did he think he was?!  Just walking around looking like that?! Ugh.  He was all sweaty and slightly out of breath, but his eyes were bright and he looked like he was fucking glowing.  Who looks like that after they run twenty miles in an hour?!

You, on the other hand, looked like a boiled potato. After an hour of having your ass introduced to the floor on loop, your face was bright red, you had underboob sweat stains, the deodorant you had obsessively applied earlier had failed about forty-five minutes ago, and sweat was running down from your hair in long rivulets.   Why were you so gross?  Nat wasn’t sweating like a pig and she had been working out just as hard as you. You sighed inwardly.  Everything you did just seemed to fall somewhere on the ‘disgusting spectrum’.  Usually leaning towards ‘ugh’ or ‘blegh’ but right now you were done right ‘oh dear lord’.

“Hey, B,” you mumbled quickly, trying to fix your rats nest of a ponytail and wiping the sweat from your brow.

“Hey.  Glad ta see you’re still alive,” he chuckled at you, giving you a flash of those pearly whites.  “Just stopped in ta let ya know that the food’ll be here in thirty.  Best get cleaned up.”  And with that he waved and walked out of the gym.

“Let’s save water and shower together,” you whined at his retreating form.

Nat barked in laughter.  “Oh my god, you should’ve said that!”

“Aaaahhhh-bsolutely not.”

“Oh come on!  That would be the perfect way to flirt with him.”

“No, that would be the perfect way to watch me spontaneously combust.”

“How about we try flirting tonight?” the red head suggested.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” you teased.

“Yeah, how do you think I got ‘im?” She quirked an eyebrow up at you.

Touché.

“Get off the fucking counter!”  Tony hollered.  He was trying to unpack the Chinese food bags but a certain fat, black cat was sticking his nose in containers of Chow Mein, knocking packages of duck sauce onto the floor, and yowling obnoxiously at the billionaire. “One of these days, cat, I’m gonna—”

“Tony, if you lay one finger on Ferdinand I will carve you up like a Thanksgiving turkey.”  You strolled into the kitchen wearing your typical post-shower attire: wet hair in a messy bun, flannel pajama bottoms, and a New York Rangers hockey t-shirt.  Ferdinand purred loudly at you and you cradled him like a baby in your arms. “Did that mean old man yell at my precious little baby?” you cooed.  “My poor lil pumpkin.”

“Just keep him away from me,” Tony muttered, glaring at the cat in your arms.  “And off the counters!”

You gave him a dramatic salute.  Bucky came up from behind you and pulled Ferd from your arms. “Hey, buddy.”  The cat began to purr like a speed boat as the super soldier held him.  “You causin’ trouble?”  He walked over to the dining room table and cradled Ferd in his lap as he began to spoon boneless ribs onto a plate.

“B, don’t give him any food!” you scolded, knowing full well what he was about to do.  “He’s too fat.”

“Y/N! You’re gonna give him low self-esteem!” Bucky cried dramatically and you couldn’t hide your smile.  “Poor Ferdinand,” Bucky cooed, slipping the cat a piece of pork.  “Your mama is always fat-shaming you. Doesn’t she know that looks don’t matter?!  Tsk Tsk. Well, I love ya for who ya are, buddy.”  He gave the cat a loud smooch and sat him on the floor to go beg for scraps from the other team members.

“Buck,” you whined, seeing Ferd lick the pork from his lips.

Bucky merely sent you a toothy grin.  “Come on, Punk.  He was hungry!  Come eat.”

With an inward cringe at the nickname you grabbed a bowl for you soup and looked around the table.  Nat and Clint had appropriated some portion of the other’s chair as they ate.  Wanda was pouring drinks and passing them down.  Steve and Tony were calling out orders and handing out steaming cartons of noodles to their owners.  Sam managed to steal the open seat next to Bucky, much to your dismay, and you were forced to sit between Thor and Vision, far away from your favourite super soldier, at the opposite end of the table.

Conversation buzzed around you, but you didn’t really feel up to participating.  This happened sometimes, lately more often than not.  Something just seemed to happen to you when it came to….eating.   Now, you loved food.  It was kind of obvious actually.  Half the time you planned your next meal while eating the current one. But lately, and you weren’t sure exactly when it started, every time you ate something, even something you really liked, like pizza or ice cream or spaghetti, you felt….guilty?….bad?…ashamed?

With every bite you felt like you were somehow doing something wrong, something forbidden.  An obsessive need to count calories occasionally seized your mind. Half the time it felt like you spent more time reading nutrition labels than actual books!  And those feelings were only amplified when you were forced into eating around the others.  You felt like some sort of zoo creature around them.  Oh look, meal time at the hippo pond!

You popped half a dumpling into your mouth. Ferdinand rubbed up against your leg under the table, hoping that food would fall from the sky.  Absently, you began to push your noodles around the plate, losing your appetite as the others munched away happily on crab rangoons and sesame chicken.  Angry, self-loathing thoughts bubbled to the surface in your mind.  Were the others looking at you while you ate?  Judging you for the food you put in your mouth?  Look at Y/N, shovelling it in like garbage truck.  Were they as disgusted be you as you were?  Did they think of you as fat slob with no self-control? Because that’s how you felt.  Because even when you tried to be good and not eat so much, eventually hunger pangs tore through you and you just had to eat.  And you didn’t always want salad or veggies.  Sometimes you wanted cookies or peanut butter or candy.  It was just so hard to—

“Y/N, are you going to eat that?”  Thor interrupted your inner turmoil and pointed to the untouched egg roll on your plate.  You shook your head and he grabbed it with a muffled ‘thanks!’ and shoved the entire roll in mouth.

You looked up and locked eyes with Sam.  He mouthed, ‘you good?’ and you nodded putting a false smile on your face, not wanting to explain your loss of appetite.

“Who’s ready for desert?”  Steve asked a few minutes later and was met with smatterings of approval.  You helped Vision clear the plates, hoping to slip out of the kitchen and ditch desert without being noticed.  Your self-control could not resist apple pie.  It was your kryptonite.

“That’s the last of them,” Vision said turning off the sink and grabbing a set of desert plates and a cake knife.  He gave you a small smile and walked back to the dining room as you dried the last of the bowls.  You were just about ready to make a break for it when you turned around just as Bucky strolled into the kitchen.  His dark hair was still slightly wet from his shower earlier causing his short curls to glisten in the light. God, he’s so fucking perfect.  You licked your lips and quickly turned to put the last dish on the rack.

“Told ya there’d be pie,” he whispered as he grabbed the vanilla ice cream from the freezer, letting the cold air sweep over you. You shivered.  Please let him think it’s just from the cold.  “Come on, Punk.”  Merhhh.  “I know you can’t resist,” he teased with a twinkle in his eye that you couldn’t quite decipher.  Great, he’s gonna lead the pig to the slop trough.

You sighed, torn as to what to do.  If you rejected the pie he’d ask you who you were and what had you done with Y/N.  If you ate the pie he’d see you eat the pie.  He’d see you shovelling in spoonfuls of warm, mushy apple and crispy crust mixed in with sweet vanilla ice cream all the while sporting a blissed-out look on your face.

But either way, he knows you’re fat.  The evidence was right in front of him, staring him in the face.  Might as well eat the pie, hate yourself, and avoid any awkward questions.  Bucky didn’t need to hear you whine about how grotesque you were.  He didn’t want to hear about that.  Nobody wanted to hear about it.  It was your own stupid, gluttonous fault that you were this way.  Nobody felt sorry for you.  With a sniffled sob, you trudged back towards the others.

When you at back down at the table, Bucky gave you an enormous grin and handed you a plate with the biggest slice of pie and three scoops of ice cream, more than any of the others, and it took all you’re strength not to burst into tears.    The biggest slob had gotten the biggest slice.

TAG LIST:  strike-through means the tag doesn’t seem to work.  If your tag doesn’t work for some reason, send me a message and I’ll take a look.

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[wickedweeklywonders]

Movies to watch

-virtigo -green room

-gangs of new york -drive -the master -interstellar -django unchained -cannibal holocaust -audition -apocalypse now -natural born killers -gummo -300 -gladiator -phantom of liberty -enter the void -tree of life -8 and a half -the mirror -resevoiur dogs -mishima -slaugter house 5 -the sweet here after -inside luan davis -dead of night -before the ring -basic -last year at mariumba -go -mr nobody -hero -j f k -rashmon -5 by 2 -eternal sunshine -irreversible -memento -peppermint candy -casino -melancholia -eve -good fellas -citizen kane -amande chord -nashville -short cuts -babble -21 grams - paris jai taime -AJAMI -the godfather -the fountain -the atlas -dias de gracias -intolerence -woyoming for men -before sunset -Broke -1993 -high noon -jaws -neighbors -young and beautiful -the raid -ginger snaps -the nice guys -the shallows -ginger and rosa -frank -sinister -predestination -another earth -chappie -enemy -the girl king -the danish girl -hush -chicago -sucker punch -spy -the boy -carrie -lights out -wolf of wall street -Apocalypse Now -Childhood of a Leader -the fugitive -under seige -coal miners daughter -the client -no country for old men -hope springs -cobb -miami connection -upstream colour -tickled -kingdom of heaven -hoffa -the producers -blazing saddles -young frankenstein -minority report -shaun of the dead -the kingdom of dreams and madness -the story of jt leroy -hunger -alien -boogie nights -primer -children of men -127 hours -zombie man -lights out -jason bourne -dances with wolves -memoires of a geisha -ex machina -the witch /the vvitch -battle royal -star wars series -the departed -moneyball -oceans eleven -pretty woman -edge of tomorrow -hercules -muppets movie series -the fugitive -disco pigs -peaky blinders -breakfast on pluto -girl with the pearl earring -the wind that shakes the barley -following -momento -mr man -anthropoid -when the wind blows -friends of H -west world -cloverfield -chronicles of riddick -pitch black -the blair witch (2) -30 days of night -event horizon -pandorum -Blade -amityville horror -children of the corn -hell raiser -night of the living dead -dawn of the dead -survival of the dead -day of the dead -psycho sequels -final destination -army of darkness -texas chainsaw massacre -resident evil -paranormal activity sequals 4 and 5 -the omen -28 weeks later -hostel -fright night -sinister -sausage party -moana -pk -ran de basanti -about elly -the chaser -godzilla -dredd -oceans 11 -true grit -10 to yuma -footloose -the departed -thing -the fly -cape fear -brave heart -what a way to go -25th hour -annie -good fellas -weird science -wallstreet -point break -all that jazz -the apartment -resevoir dogs -royal tanonbombs -river runs through it -true romance -colour of night -rocky -first blood -back to school -raging bull -full metal jacket -vanilla sky -dogville -big fish -virgin suicides -planes trains automobiles -shattered glass -the last seduction -12 angry men -network -before the devil knows ur dead -the killing -paths of glory -ace in the hole -the rules of attraction -sulivans travels -oh brother where art tho -that thing you do -dog tooth -lobster -make this town go round and round -payback -the 5th eye -after the storm -all these sleepless nights -another country -apple pie -aquarius -as i open my eyes -author the jt leroy story -bacon and gods wrath -being 17 -beware the slenderman -bleak street -burden -captain fantastic -certain women -chevalier -dont call me son -the butterfly effect -the eagle huntress -endless poetry -figure -the first monday in may -the first the last -green room -happy hour -the heart of the matter -high rise -julieta -les demons -long way north -lost and beautiful -love song -the lure -michael smither the portrait -neruda -the pissy tits street gang/ -personal shopper -the qeen of ireland -the red turtle -sixty six -suburra -tanna -ten years -a touch of zen -under the shadow -variety -when two worlds collide -the wounded angel -zero dark thirty -the killing joke -sicario -napoleon dynamite -north by north west -aqua marine - nu pogodi -MARIE ANTOINETTE -SPICE GIRLS -13 GOING ON 30 -BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS -CLUELESS -THE CLIQUE -LIZZIE MCGUIRE -southbound -once -kubo -the lobster -neighbors -nice guys -ex machina -morgan -cash only -creative control -low and behold -embers -kicks -dont think twice -sleep walk w me -the strangers -joy -american hustle -imagine you and me -life partner -the abyss -dr strangelove -bronson -cool hand luke -the good the bad the ugly -once upon a time in the west -lolita -gilda -goodfellas -dirty harry -sexy beast -M -laurence of arabia -young frankenstein -the producers -bonnie and clyde -suffragette -the danish girl -nathan barley -the lobster -cloud atlas -im not there -bright star -brideshead revisited -paddington -lilting -holiday -ginger snaps -blaire witch 2 -we are what we are -southbound -green inferno -knock knock -they look like people -hush -the hallow -the darkness -the other side of the door -the boy -the forest -the nightmare -the houses october built -the visit -sinister -eden lake -honeymoon -the lazarus effect -starry eyes -the village -the sacrement -american mary -the woman in black 2 -haunt -all the boys love mandy lane -tale of two sisters -uninvited -true lies -the revenant -operation avalanche -fear -boogienights -rumble fish -something wild -manhatten -mad max originals -great gatsby original -the champ -midnight express -the deer hunter -eyes of laura mars -lenny -lifeforce -the black cauldren -desperately seeking susan -purple rose of cairo -arrival -hocus pocus -what lies beneath -a dangerous method -like crazy -jeff who lives at home -young adult -stand by me -gone with the wind -the third man -lost in translation -la dolce vita -me and you and everyone we know -harold and maude -departures - The Librarians -Warehouse 13 -The River -Paranormal Witness -american horror story - Specter -Splinter -The Autopsy of Jane Doe -american horror story -star wars - Session 9 - The Call of Cthulhu - Martin - Cemetery Man - At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul - Let’s Scare Jessica to Death -Ouija -Silent Night, Deadly Night -Only God Forgives -Amelie -The Royal Tenenbaums -The Tempest -Upstream Color -Event Horizon -From Dusk Till Dawn -The Devil Inside -Below -Hush -return of the living dead -the town the feared sundown -30 days of night -the invitation -the woman -my bloody valentines -grabbers -invasion of the body snatchers -the gift -12 angry men -anomalisa -young frankenstein -ex machina -das boot -under the shadow -blackfish -the bicycle thieves -city of god -old boy -downfall -holy motors -blue is the warmest color -i am love -beyond the hills -a hijacking -lore -the great beauty/ -the hunt -amour -Transsiberian -Robot & Frank -the bay -celeste and jesse forever -like crazy -perfect gateway -europa report -hard boiled -el mariachi -the hunt for red october -apocalypto -super 8 -close encounters of the third kind -melancholia -upstream colour -primer -buried -primal fear -sicario -the gift -bound -millers crossing -the firm -jackie brown -almost famous -american psycho -high fidelity -AI -memento -city of god -million dollar baby -children of men -the departed -this is england -zodiac -boys in the hood -men of children -shawshank redemption -the departed -on the waterfront -snatch -my cousin vinny -true grit -big lebowski -hunger -the naughty nineties -lucky number sleven -guildernstern are dead -grand budapest hotel -inglorious bastards -the third man -double indemnity -true romance -resevoiur dogs -hateful 8 -the master -the lion in winter -doubt -glengarry glen ross -steve jobs -the big chill -magnolia -end of tour -coffee and cigerettes -my dinner with andre -before sunrise -primer -before -end of watch -you can count on me -house of games -manhatten -the nice guys -heist -get shorty -lethal wepaon -kiss kiss bang bang -lock stock and two smoking barrels -withnail and i -in bruges -seven psychopaths -casablanca -the apartment -the girl on friday -the big sleep -horse feathers -duck soup -animal crackers -kind hearts and corronets -monty python -day of the triffids -assault on precinct 13 -chinatown -the invaders -nightmares -fear and loathing in las vegas -dr katz professional therapist -the big sleep -leviathan -earth vs the flying saucers -american graffitti -things to come -terror vision -the dain curse -brazil -the towering inferno -the third man -dead ringers -dark star -midnight cowboy -spies like us -get crazy -the dirty douzen -little shop of horrors -the man who wasnt there -rumble fish -gleaming the cube -fruitvale station -dancer in the dark -cries and whispers -in the mood for love -oceans eleven -the gold rush -spartacus -gladiator -platoon -do the right thing -saving private ryan -swingers -marathon man -nightcrawler -happiness -10 cloverfield lane -anomalisa -do lavon -room -waltz with bashire -blower -inside lou and davis -blow up -a serious man -mirror -synochechy new york -stalker -spring summer fall winter spirng -gataga -the fountain -devils rejects -half baked -jupiter ascending -devils advocate -the abyss -the accountant -american honey -iron fist -ipman -dragon -green hornet -chocolate -kungfu hustle -the man from nowhere -awake -creep -the girl in the photographs -beneath -honeymoon -let us prey -the houses october built -starry eyes - Lawrence of Arabia (1962) -Amelie (2001) -Withnail and I (1987) -Do the Right Thing (1989) -Hairspray (1988) -The Virgin Suicides (1999) -Morvern Callar (2002) -American Psycho (2000) -Life is Sweet (1990) -Barry Lyndon (1975) -The Riot Club (2014) -Samsara (2011) -BBC Panorama: Inside North Korea (2013) -The First Movie (2009) -Lessons of Darkness (1992) -Wadjda (2012) -From Russia with Love (1963) -Meek’s Cutoff (2010) -Selma (2014) -Moana (2016) -Tale of Tales (2015) -A Matter of Life and Death (1946) -Two Days One Night (2014) -Leviathan (2014) -The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928) -A Clockwork Orange (1971) -Ed Wood (1994) -Final Segment: The First Movie (2009) -man on the moon -magnolia -beginners -wet hot american summer -hot rod -airplane 1 and  ii -blazing saddles -dr strangelove -steamboat bill jr -when harry met sally -my cousin vinny -the jerk -the discreat charm of the bougousie -pineable express -theres something about mary -monty python football -young frankenstein -inglorious bastards -rat race -weekend -in bruges -animal cracker -naked gun -the naughty nineties -spaceballs -harold and kumar -planes trains and automobiles -super troopers -his girl friday -ace ventura -doubtfire -high fidelity -anchorman -caddyshack -best in show -some like it hot -top secret -hot rod -this is spinal tap -the producers -22 jump street -bruce almighty -office space -city lights -project a -kung fu hustle -duck soup -pork pie -lego batman -fences -hidden figures -moonlight -it comes at night -cure for wellness -kedi -i dont feel at home in this world anymore -the lure -okja -john wick -trainspotting 1 and 2 -baby driver -it -hell or high water -the bad batch -split -the belko experiment -the accountant -lion -embers -under the skin -stalker -adaptation -the taking of deborah logan -noroi -invisible 2: chasing the ghost sound -the good neighbor -they look like people -monkey bones -the searchers -shane -forty guns -high country -high plains drifter -the ox bow incident -rancho notorious -winchester 73 -unforgiven -the assissination of jesse james -one eyed jacks -outlaw josey wales -pat garret and billy the kid -butch cassidy and the sun dance kid -high noon -tombstone -my darling clementine -true grit -rio bravo -the man who shot liberty valance -the shootist -the wild bunch -el topo -hell or high water -lonesome dove -paris texas -mccabe and mrs miller -a bullet for the general -the great silence -fistful of dollars -once upon a time in the west -sholay -tears of the black tiger -good the bad and the weird -sons of great bear -the proposition -sukiyaki western django -black god white devil -whity -yojimbo -shanghai noon -red sun -serenity -big trouble in little china -serenity -from dusk till dawn -cow boys and aliens -my left foot -spotlight -hush -magic -dead of night -may -hannibal rising -red dragon -youree next -the step father -halloween -night of the living dead -john wick -counte of monte christo -the sacrement -the wicker man -the craft -are you afraid of the dark -wayward pines -texas chainsaw mascare -invasion of the body snatchers -alien -jacobs ladder -return of the living dead -the thing -audition -the mist -martyrs -let the right one in -monty pythons meaning of life -cemetary man -the frighteners -bill and teds bogus journey -the adventures of barron ma -skyfall -a few good men -training day -the last of the mohecans -the omen -