#the reason i never like to share the specifics of my nerve disorder is because i've been conditioned not to

[hallowpen]

The Influence of Thai Culture on Attitudes towards Disabilities as it Relates to Last Twilight

(This is a combination of personal experiences/observations having lived in Bangkok and my learned academic knowledge/own personal research. I am not an expert by any means, but I wanted to offer some insight from my own personal point of view.)

While Thailand has certain provisions in place to prevent disability discrimination, it is still very much present in Thai society. Disability legislation is not strictly enforced and accessibility is extremely limited. That is not to say that efforts aren't being made to promote education and inclusivity, just that views and attitudes toward individuals with disabilities have been slow to reform. As such, there is a negative stigma that exists in Thailand where disabled individuals are, for the most part, seen as a burden or an inconvenience. There are certain cultural aspects that, unfortunately, contribute toward this outlook:

Collectivism and Tradition - Thailand can be labeled as a collectivistic society. What that means is, there is a tendency to favor the 'grouped' majority over individual interests. As a result, individuals with disabilities are less likely to be integrated into their communities. The urge to conform to group rules and traditions hinders Thai society from accepting "disruptive" change. Communities prefer to avoid the uncertainty and ambiguity of the unknown, which reduces the amount of conversations centering around disability education. I stated in my review of LT, that there needed to be a deeper conversation surrounding the experiences and realities of the disabled community in order for the series to have the impact it intended to. And this is why. It needs to be talked about, otherwise nothing will change and, much like the last part of that final episode, ableist views/language will prevail.

Religious Influence - At this point (if you are a fan of Thai dramas), you probably already know that Buddhism is the predominant religion in Thailand. We are taught to be merciful towards the weak and to give of ourselves to those who are less fortunate. While helping others should absolutely be seen as morally good, these viewpoints can also give rise to societal stigmas surrounding disabilities. Receiving unsolicited assistance as a disabled person became a constant question of: are you genuinely concerned out of kindness OR because you somehow see me as 'less than' and therefore feel you have a moral obligation to step in. In LT, I understood Day's insistent worry of being on the receiving end of someone else's pity. There was a reason why it was so prevalent in his story and why he questioned the motives of others' actions so frequently. Because Thai culture has inadvertently labeled disabled people as being 'frail' and 'in need' and who should, therefore, be met with sympathy.

Caregiving - While there are social welfare programs and services available in Thailand, generally, it is the responsibility of the family to care for and provide for their disabled relatives. Intergenerational care is a big part of Thai culture, but in this instance it's not entirely positive. The broader Thai society infantilizes people with disabilities, which means they are often disallowed from making their own decisions by those who care for them (sound familiar?). As a result, they live under less than ideal conditions that exclude them from being active members of their communities. It's upsetting that people with disabilities exist largely out of the public eye, when opportunities to be present in society and engaging with their community could potentially change their status and offset stereotypical attitudes. One of the best parts of LT that I will continuously praise it for, is Mhok's version of caregiving that completely turns these views on its (their?) head. He's not afraid to stand up to Day (or how Day's been conditioned to feel toward his blindness) and gently pushes him toward self acceptance and engagement within his community. Mhok is subtle in a way that he does what is required of him as a caregiver without ever taking away Day's agency. And that was extremely important to see against Day's mother's more 'traditional' care.

Treatment - I'm not well versed when it comes to Thai healthcare. I do know that outside of traditional medicine, access to more advanced modern treatment is highly dependent on income and social standing. Other than that, it is a disabled person's prerogative to seek treatment if a treatment exists for their disability and is accessible to them. It is also their prerogative to refuse treatment. Neither decision should be judged or actively swayed by outside perspectives (though this happens more often than not). It is highly plausible that someone in Day's position, coupled with his mother's status, would have both the access and the desire to receive a corneal transplant surgery. The outcome of Day's vision being restored was never the issue for me. The fault lies in its execution and what was implied in the aftermath.

...that's all I got. I don't really know how to end this...I'm tired.

(Please note, this is not at all meant to paint Thailand in a bad light. Thai society is fairly accepting of individuals with disabilities and positive attitudes do exist, but certain perspectives need to change!)

tagging @lurkingshan @waitmyturtles @shannankle

[bonefall]

are there any bb!cats with schizophrenia or that regularly experience psychosis? people absolutely suck about mental illness so like. seeing characters like me going thru life and being treated like people and not monsters for something out of their control never fails to put a smile on my face! thank you for all the research and effort you put into making sure your disabled cats are not only believable but human. pd: cinderheart with bpd is an extremely based headcanon

Not yet but it's on my radar, plus NPD. The reason why I feel so unflappably confident with BPD is because I know and love people who have it, and I hate that I don't see any characters who are like them! So I feel like I'm really good at handling it, and knowing what's wanted in portrayals of it. It feels very personally important to me.

Pair that with the fact I write BB!Clans as canonically struggling with ableism and all these being so heavily stigmatized irl, I've gotta be REALLY careful with NPD and psychosis. I'm less connected to them so personally and I don't want to accidentally strike a nerve, you get me?

That said... I got an ask a while back that I'd been thinking about a lot, basically asking me about how Clan Culture would see psychosis in the first place. I've actually always been fascinated by how deeply schizophrenia is affected by the culture of the afflicted, so I've been idly thinking about that for a while without sharing those thoughts.

OH WAIT hangon let me explain some stuff about Schizophrenia and psychosis for people in the audience!!

Schizophrenia used to be diagnosed in subtypes before 2013. This is no longer accurate! A lot like Autism, it's a spectrum of symptoms that affect people differently. It's a cognitive disorder that messes with rational and organized thinking, and that can express in all sorts of ways.

One of the symptoms is hallucinations. It's The Famous symptom of it, but it's not actually something you NEED to have to be Schizophrenic. Not all people who are having hallucinations or delusions are Schizophrenic, either! I want to include an OCD character of some kind who experiences some mild auditory hallucinations, actually. The type where it's just random mumbling.

Delusions and hallucinations aren't the same thing Delusions are false beliefs and hallucinations are false experiences. An example of a delusion is, "If I don't click my pen three times, my family will die." An example of a hallucination is hearing voices.

PEOPLE WITH PSYCHOSIS ARE FAR MORE LIKELY TO BE THE VICTIMS OF VIOLENCE THAN TO COMMIT IT Feel like this is common knowledge in this space, and especially within my own following since I make a lot of art about mental illness and awareness, but it's always worth repeating.

So anyway

If you compare psychosis between cultures, you actually end up seeing VERY different expressions of the hallucinations. For example, in some cultures, voice hallucinations tend to say things that are negative or abusive, while other cultures hear significantly more positive, playful voices.

This doesn't mean that they're always less distressing. For example, the study above points out that Nigerian students (reported to hear lots of playful hallucinations) experience as much distress as Dutch students (tend to experience negative, abusive voices) during their psychotic episodes.

Still, there does seem to be a correlation with "less distress" and cultures that encourage psychotic people to see their hallucinations as positive, personal things. Even more interestingly, distress seems to be correlated with income and individualism in a culture.

But it doesn't stop there, the findings are fascinating.

Delusions of grandeur are rare in societies that discourage that sort of social mobility, reflecting social values.

Cultures that believe religious experiences are specific experiences-- like certain smells, temperatures, or sounds, will see those reflected in psychotic episodes

Yet, "voices" seem to be something seen across ALL cultures studied. Though some have more prevalence of random sounds and mumbling than others, they all share some expression of "voices that say stuff."

SO all that to say-- if I include psychosis it's definitely going to be trying to take the culture of each Clan into account, and I need to do a lot more research into what sorts of things people with schizophrenia and various types of psychosis want to see more often.

[taibobo]

brain damaged postal dude mental illness lore hcs no one asked for and also self ship stuff

he has some kind of dissociative identity disorder, whether it’s DID or OSDD or how many alters he may have is entirely unclear and his levels of amnesia vary wildly depending on his mental state/what his alters were doing/why they fronted

the only alter he’s had contact with/actually recognizes the existence of is alter dude/the other dude (he calls him the other dude, but the alter self identifies as alter dude)

alter dude is pretty self aware of the reason why he exists and holds some significant level of childhood trauma related to postal dude’s father (who in this universe/my hc is the postal 1 postal dude or someone similar. an extremely mentally unstable paranoid man who may have involuntarily taken his delusions out on his kid. american health care is not good) this is why alter dude has the voice of rick hunter

postal dude is fairly pacifist and doesn’t kill people often, while alter dude kills people with only some modicum of discretion, usually when they’re keeping him from or antagonizing him while getting things done. postal dude is somewhat aware of this but has stopped letting it affect him because it doesn’t seem to matter

my s/i (i’m just gonna use first person from here on out lol) was informed at the beginning of the relationship that postal dude has at least one recognizable alter and was just like “oh. okay cool (is also mentally ill)” cause idgaf clearly

i am dating postal dude formally and dating alter dude informally. neither of them care because they consider themselves two parts of a whole and not really separate people. even if they did consider themselves separate identities they are not really the monogamous exclusive type so

alter dude is the less touchy/affectionate of the two, but makes up with it in a lot of false bravado and corny embarrassing dom flirting (he doesn’t know what he’s doing. he doesn’t exactly front during sex or dates and his memories of those aren’t shared mostly so he’s basically a hapless virgin)

postal dude is more physical in terms of his love language, but speaks much more casually and frankly as if i am like his best friend who he makes out with and says he loves. very good chill vibes

sometimes they get mad at each other because they basically operate like roommates who never see each other in terms of living. postal dude complaining about alter dude not washing the dishes or eating his food when he knows he’s been out, alter dude annoyed that postal dude doesn’t do his specific strange neurodivergent rituals, etc. they don’t actually hate each other though they just like to squabble

though dude’s head trauma didn’t give him his dissociative disorder or exacerbate it or anything it probably gave him some sort of physical symptom like chronic migraines or nerve damage. as someone who also has both of these i love projecting ❤️ and also it would make me a good nurse for him ❤️

i call alter dude A.D but he doesn’t like when anyone else calls him that. he just prefers being called dude by everyone else as if he’s the same guy as postal dude because he finds drawing attention to himself causes him more problems (which makes him want to kill which triggers his stuff about his dad which makes him more violent etc etc. negative feedback loop. he’s gotten a little better at grounding himself though)

champ can tell the difference between the two and treats them differently. he’s basically their service dog but without any real formal training. he’s just a smart boy

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #1

So I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day (a regrettable mistake as always), and I had the great pleasure of seeing this joyous post.

*deep breath*

Not gonna lie, posts like this make me real pissed. Pissed because the person who posted this exists in a space where they feel comfortable enough to post this online. Pissed because these posts are so common and often face little backlash. And pissed because there’s nothing better than allosexuals condescendingly explaining to asexual people why they’re dirty attention whores who invent their own oppression. Ace people deserve to be defended against this horseshit. Young people see these posts, and it’s extremely damaging to have your identity be nothing more than fuel for people in discourse to mock you and demand you bled in order for them to notice your pain.

Anger aside, many people do not see why this post is wrong, so why is it? Let’s unpack this clusterfuck of bigotry:

“would love to see substantive evidence of systematic “aphobia” that isn’t actually just misogyny, toxic masculinity, or rpe culture.”

God damn, we are not mincing our words here XD. A few things: systematic in bold, which tells you if you do not make a blood sacrifice on the altar of queer pain you will not be taken seriously. Potential nitpick, but systemic and systematic are not the same thing. I believe systemic is the word they’re looking for. Systematic implies a lot more intentionality that can be hard to prove. Systemic merely means that systems, in their current state, do aphobic things, which they absolutely do.

“Aphobia” in quotes is absolutely rich. Not only will this person refuse to acknowledge systemic aphobia, which is only one type, but this poster casts clear doubt upon the mere concept of aphobia in and of itself. We love to see it.

There’s a lot to unpack here. The statement, as clearly condescending as intended, is sort of correct, though it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Systemic oppression is about the systems in a society (government, healthcare, etc) discriminating against people. Systemic oppression is not bigotry faced on a person-to-person level. In short, systematic oppression is something a person experiences in their overall life, while personal discrimination is experienced on a personal level by people who are not singularly in control of the systems. This post boils down the negative comments ace people face into being called “weird”, which is an understatement for sure, but calling a gay person weird isn’t systemic oppression either.

It’s still bad and discriminatory.

This is such a snotty way to dismiss aphobia as some mere, insignificant comment with no meaning as if it doesn’t reinforce society’s painful aphobic views in the same way casual homophobic comments reinforce heteronormativity and society’s hostility toward gay people.

Ace people face discrimination in healthcare, most notably, which is systemic discrimination, but the systemic discrimination of asexuals really ought to be its own post if I’m to nosedive into it. Even if ace people faced no systemic discrimination, it wouldn’t make this point anymore correct. Discrimination is a perfectly valid reason to feel disregarded by society, and often only ace people are denied the right to feel this way and are instead gaslit into admitting what they face is no big deal and they’re just making it up for attention.

The experience of being pressured to have sex when you’re allo vs ace is very different. The vast majority of allo people do not plan to be celibate their whole lives. Many ace people do not want to have sex, ever. “Waiting for sex” in much of western society and in Christianity is seen as pure and honorable. Yet being asexual and never wanting sex is seen as a deviant disorder and people are accused of robbing their partner of sex forever.

There’s really a specific flavor of sexual pressure that is unique to ace people. Sex being to “fix” someone or because they “just need to try it”.

In this respect, aphobic sexual pressure is better compared to that faced by gay people and lesbians. Lesbians especially often can face this same struggle, men pressuring them to have sex because they think lesbians just need to “try it” or to “fix them”. I can imagine this poster would have no issue acknowledging lesbophobia being the root of lesbians coerced into sex with men, yet she does not give ace people the same.

Imagine if someone said (and knowing our fucked world, someone probably has): “Lesbophobia doesn’t exist. It’s just misogyny. Straight women are coerced into sex too!”

It’d be pathetic bullshit. Toxic masculinity, misogyny and many other issues can all tangle into combined messes with other forms of bigotry. Lesbophobia is an experience that deserves to be recognized apart from misogyny, even if the two are linked. Please stop erasing ace people’s experiences with this when it’s not the same thing.

Honestly, though, this post, as trashy as it is, if anything, is perhaps, really asking: Is there any type of aphobic experience that’s inherently exclusive to ace people?

I still wager to go say, yes, yes there is, but I must make an important point first:

Most experiences of queer discrimination are not limited to queer people.

Homophobia and transphobia are both experienced by cishets in certain instances. Feminine straight men can be victims of homophobic harassment. This does not disprove the fact that it’s homophobia just because a straight man is the victim of it. A tall cis woman with broad shoulders and a lower voice may be the victim of transphobic remarks or comments. The basis of these comments is rooted in transphobia, however, so the fact that the victim is cis does not erase the transphobia.

People who argue that experiences ace people complain about can be experienced by allosexuals are not poking a legitimate hole in doing this. Certain experiences related to aphobia can and are experienced by allosexuals. If you do not acknowledge this, then homophobia and transphobia aren’t real because cishet people have sometimes experienced them.

Despite cishets sometimes experiencing queerphobia, most of us acknowledge that their experience of that bigotry, however unfortunate, is not the same as that experienced by actual queer people. It’d be quite homophobic for a feminine straight man to claim he knew just as much about the gay experience as an actual gay man. Similarly, when allosexual people relate experiences that were rooted in aphobia, it’s overstepping a line when they claim asexual discrimination isn’t real because they experienced elements of it too.

Cishet (cishet including allosexuals) people do not experience their doctors telling them their sexuality might be a disorder or caused by trauma. Allo queer people can experience this with their sexualities too.

“using sex appeal to sell products is misogyny, it is not engineered to gross sex-repulsed people, it is meant to objectify women.”

This is a strawman thinner than my last nerve. Uh, what? What ace people are you seeing that literally think sex appeal was engineered to gross-out sex-repulsed people?? I don’t think this is a core argument??

Yes, sex-repulsed ace people sometimes complain about sex appeal in media being uncomfortable. But that’s it. Every time an ace person shares a discomfort of theirs doesn’t mean it’s the entire basis of their oppression. For the love of God, let ace people discuss their experiences without being blow-torched over not being oppressed enough with an individual discomfort. 

BONUS ROUND

(This was in the tags)

“Completely vilifies celibate individuals” 

...no…? What…? Huh…? 

The most charitable interpretation of this vague accusation is that the poster means celibate people face aphobia as well, due to not wanting to have sex. I have no idea how this “vilifies” anyone, but that aside, as said before: people who are not queer can face aphobia. Also worth noting that society treats celibate people way better than ace people, which is really another example of aphobia. Celibate people can be told they’re missing out (which could be at very least related to aphobic ideals), but they’re rarely called broken. Celibacy is seen more as a respected, controlled ideal in allo people, but when ace people want to do it, they’re just mentally ill.

Anyway, the post was aphobic trash, and it needs to be debunked more often. Mocking ace people online is not a good look anymore, guys. Don't be ugly.

[weebsinstash]

How come you quit your job? Feel free to ignore this if you don't feel comfortable answering of course!

Nah its ok, I don't mind talking about it, and I probably should explain at least a little since just recently we were having financial troubles so it seems kind of a bad move that i would do this in theory

Also uh I wound up bitching and complaining a little bit so this post is kind of long and I apologize haha

So there were several factors to me quitting, both pertaining to my own physical and mental health, behavior of my coworkers, and just how the place was being managed. To everyone new, or just everyone who isn't aware I guess, I never finished high school and the American education system is a scam and lie anyways so, I'm limited to which jobs I can have, so I was working fast food with this job having paid $12 an hour (and that's with me having prior work experience)

So to start, there were certain chronic physical pains i was/am having related to my disability (equinus), but I'm also creeping up on pre-diabetic status and uh despite not being an actual diabetic yet, I have diabetic neuropathy which is a fun way of saying certain nerves are dead or dying, and diabetes/pre-diabetes also causes joint pain so sometimes I'm just constantly suffering from Shit Hurts Disorder because fast food is actually a very physical job sometimes. I also had leg surgery in May that I still get certain aches from because my body is now "uneven". I'm also about to have surgery on the other leg which we'll get to in a second

But in the end the main contributing factor to me quitting was a specific group of my coworkers. I had certain coworkers who were quite frankly not very good at their jobs and had to constantly be told to do things over and over and still wouldn't get it right. On many days during lunch rush I would be on grill and turn around and there would be no one around me to assemble the sandwiches, get the fries, bag up the food, do the things that we were there to do, leaving certain other people to have to double-up their work to make up for the slack. turns out said missing people had just walked away from their station to all gossip in Spanish in the back of the store, be on their phones, share food, whatever.

I constantly caught them doing all kinds of nasty shit that people with basic hygiene and common sense don't do in a kitchen. Don't get a long manicure that rips through the gloves when you make sandwiches and touch food (you're actually not supposed to have long nails at all when you handle food but most employers don't enforce it). Don't wear your long hair in front of your body where it touches the food or can even simply just fall out. Don't bring in food from home and then not only take tubs that belong to the store to keep it in, but also physically cooking your food on the equipment while we are still serving customers. Dont leave the food you brought in in the fridge for several days until someone else has to throw it away. Don't serve food with mold on it. Don't just rinse the mold off. Don't drop raw food on the floor and then just toss it back in the frier 🤢

Also like. The particular group of coworkers I'm referring to would hardly ever call people by their actual names and would usually give almost everyone nicknames for whatever reason. My name is Miranda and for some reason they would always call me Melinda or Linda which I also found very disrespectful after so many months. Oh, so you can't do the simple shit I ask you to do every day AND you can't do the simple courtesy of using my actual fucking name? Christ

Really the straw that broke the camel's back was one thing most specifically though and it legitimately could have been resolved so easily and both my coworkers and my managers weren't doing shit about it. That simple thing? When these women were making sandwiches with fried products, which are kept in a drawer, they would simply reach in the drawer and pull things out without looking, and often times they would not call out we needed more food until they would reach in and could no longer feel anything. Obviously for fast food that's a problem. We have metrics and times we want to keep good as well as not make our customer wait. The goal is to call things out BEFORE it's empty so we aren't holding on orders and people aren't having to wait for extended periods of time

Literally the solution to this is just looking in the drawer, to actually look at and count whatever you're taking as you're taking it out. This is a standard practice. This is common sense. And for the fucking life of me, no matter how many times or how politely I asked, these grown ass women, most of which have children, would not fucking do it. They refused to literally just peek in a drawer to make sure we weren't running out of food. Every single shift, every single shift, (which by the way for months i was working 6 days a week) multiple times a shift, I'd hear shit like "Oh, no more spicy! Linda, do you have spicy down?"

I cannot express it enough. All they had to do was look in the container of the food they were taking out, just a peek to confirm we aren't running low, something that's extremely basic in a food based job, and these grown adults would not do it. So then I would have to compensate. I'd have to constantly HOVER OVER THEM because they refused to communicate, to look in the drawers FOR THEM, constantly walking back and forth when I'm disabled and post-surgical. I would be on the job getting physically tense, standing there thinking "any second now and its going to happen again, when are they going to fuck this up again"

so yeah on Friday it was during lunch rush and sure enough, there i hear "oh, no more spicy! Linda, more spicy?"

I uh sorta blew up a little. Just looked at her "WHAT DO I TELL YOU EVERY DAY? LOOK IN THE CABINETS AND CALL THINGS OUT BEFORE IT'S ALL GONE"

And insult to injury she just like basically ignores me, looks at me like im being a bitch when i ask her to do this every shift and so has the manager, and just asks me to drop spicy chicken and at that point I said "no, im going home" and stormed out

So yeah. I feel really bad but also not. I tried to talk to my GM about this many times and he would just give suggestions for what I could do, basically telling me to work around them rather than putting his foot down with the actual people causing the problem. I tried. I asked nicely, I tried different things, but I can't control other people. I'm about to have surgery on my other leg and I don't want to be trapped recovering my surgery and in pain and STILL having to babysit women who are older than I am

Oh and I guess secondary note but have I ever mentioned some of the incredibly inappropriate "jokes" my GM has made to me or other women in the store. Asking what race of men we prefer, saying he wishes he could have a kid with me because I'm down to earth, saying I'm nice and young for him while the others are too old, I overheard him asking some of the others if they knew what squirting was and then proceeded to describe it in a pretty crass way

So. Yeah. And I guess the final, final thing is that. Well. I've been having some really significant mental health struggles. I mean like, very serious. My therapist has wanted me to go into the hospital a few times and I would always say something like "well I can't, I have work". When I'm having constant mental health crises and quite frankly think about suicide on a daily basis, it doesn't help my mental health to work at a job that stresses me out and makes me feel small, used, and taken advantage of

I hope to get another job eventually but I've been thinking on it and with this surgery coming up on the 20th I'm going to be homebound anyways so... maybe it's for the best if I take a small break for a while and try to focus on myself for a little bit. So yeah if you read this whole thing, thanks for listening to my little sob story 😳 ol weeb here is uh, feeling like a tired old soul lately and a break is sounding pretty nice honestly....

[thekitschdiet]

my take on the literary masterpiece, the chic diet

Firstly, I am no one. It’s part of my charm. My fifteen minutes of fame was years ago, when I had an instagram niche meme page. I didn’t even take any brand deals! And my posts averaged six thousand likes! Anyhow. I am hardly literate and well hydrated and carry a small sephora-CVS-hybrid worth in my mini tote bag. Here is my guide on how to live like me, the intermediate kitsch-rat, aspiring influencer. But like, in an apathetic, somewhat dissonant, ironic way. I like saying I live by dogmatic principles. But a lot of it, um, is just eating disorder rituals. But that’s not really important. You’re as hot as you say you are, and as much an authority on what you write so long as you say it with, you know, conviction. It’s kind of venerable how fucking delusional I am, actually. Giving any sort of advice like I’m anywhere close to the ritzy ideal of the amphetamine-areyouami label-american. New York, ideally. West Village, preferably. But I guess the kind of guide I can write is better suited to someone living in a suburb, in a house with the twelve-paned windows. I always thought those were so chic. SO quaint, in a somewhat luxe way. Like, Connecticut vibes. My parents used to drive me up there as a child to buy books and ice cream. Nowadays I’d opt for a matcha latte with novelty ice cubes, but I guess at the time it was pretty sweet. 

Because I popped a Vyvanse at like, 10pm, this next little bit could go one of two ways. I will write the most articulate, brilliant piece of literature of my life. Magnum opus, if there was a skinnier word for it. Or, I will get wrapped up doing something like folding all my last-season knits (which is part of my look, okay! I don’t have a job!) and fixating on a paragraph on how a girl’s collarbones are almost as identifying as a fingerprint, or a signature. I’m not a graphologist, but if you write your A’s with the little tail on top (like on a computer), you’re probably a snake. Nothing personal, just an observation. Also, I do have a biology final to study for. Not that I’m super anal, or even particularly committed to academia, but even in my precariously manicured (read that as separate terms; I did a good job on my nail polish, okay? But I happen to also be teetering on the brink of an epiphany or a collapse. Hence the use of the word precarious.) state, I know it’s important enough I can let one of my countless side-quests sit idle for a couple more days. 

The first section seems only natural to be about hydration. And the whole idea of drinking things, really. There was a section in The Chic Diet about Adderall dry-mouth, which deeply resonated with me. Once I bit off a chunk of a Nivea Strawberry Shine (my favorite lip balm, more on that later) and swished it around my mouth. Didn’t help. Really, really didn’t. Anyway, I suppose that even if it served no purpose for combatting my prevacatingly ingenious cottonmouth solution, I was able to milk a sentence or two out of the experience. “Do it for the Vine”, all grown up! And wearing bananapapaya resin hoops too. Side note, that Etsy shop is a parasocial enemy of mine. It stems from jealousy, which sucks, but hating from inside a club I’m adjacent to is much healthier than being a hateful individual towards people I would, you know, interact with. Daily. Or something. I stopped going to therapy because I felt stupid about going and I don’t live in the right kind of town to warrant vacuous $300 hours. Bitching about my well-adjusted parents and how desperately I wished my anxiety would just “go away” was plainly gross, and a waste. Like, pretty sure almost every problem I have could be solved by a couple painful conversations taking place during a hurricane. Such a shame it doesn’t rain much here. Anyhow, I digress. 

Staying hydrated. It is essential to my character, my persona, if you will; to never be without either an elegant metal bottle (I’m loyal to the smooth enamelled S’well ones, printed to look like marble or a semi holographic solid) or a little 16oz tumbler with a metal straw. Hydroflasks were some of the worst things to happen to society. I want to preface this claim with the fact that I wanted one in the same way a teenage girl wants a new iPhone so she can keep up appearances with her dermatologist-dad friends who still have the XR, by the way. But I ended up spending the money on like, a minidress at Brandy Melville before it fled my city. Or maybe a Fresh Sugar tinted lipbalm. For the better, even though the dress has a busted zipper now and the lipbalm tube has inevitably gotten dinged and dented by the other contents of my mini-totebag. Unlike a car, though, a couple scuffs on your laptop or your luxury lipbalm tube looks kind of cool. Like, you’re not someone who values the pristine, unused quality of an item that was ambiguously intended to be used versus displayed on Instagram.  Now, I’m wondering why this paragraph about hydration is so fucking impossible to stay on track for. I literally drink several litres of water a day, and more tea on top of that. And sometimes an almond milk latte if I can budget it in. Not that I’m so anorexic I can’t afford a 45cal latte. They’re just not that important to me. Anyhow. Drinking lukewarm (on the cool side) water is better than ice-cold. Partially because I just get it out of the tap of my ensuite and I can’t be bothered to wait for it to run cold enough every time, and it just seems wasteful. Plus, there is something so.. skinny about drinking water at an “obscure” temperature. Trust me, I want to know why my thought process is like this too. My favorite tea is blueberry tea foraged in a side aisle at my local supermarket. I love a good commercial, high-end steep or fruit infusion as much as the next girl. Maybe more. My pantry is filled with tins labelled with things like “emerald jade organic” and “magic potion”, which is really just currants and butterfly pea flowers. But there is a necessary glamor about drinking dirt-cheap tea on the daily. Seriously, a box of 25 sachets is like, $3. At a higher point with my, um, Adderall problem, I spent like several times that on pills. I didn’t really need to include that, and could have linked the price point to the cost of a drugstore lipbalm, but I wrote it in. And I’m married to it, stubbornly, as all amateur writers should be when they wittle in a somewhat indecorous little joke. This tea is sooo good because it has a strong fruit-reminiscent taste (not as sweet as a fresh blueberry, but who wants that anyway?), it’s zero-calorie, it’s the most GORGEOUS color ever. The latte, the third drink in my little trifecta, is nothing special. But necessary. The trick is to use a milk frother to whip up sugar free syrup with instant coffee and a little bit of hot water in a glass. It’ll make the most luscious foam.. Top it off with almond milk. My dad is a coffee purist, owning both an upstairs keurig AND a downstairs one (among other more analogue methods, but I can’t name-drop, so what’s the point?), so he hates this drink. Now, calling oneself a plebian is so unglamorous and teetering on self-deprecating territory, dangerously close to insecurity. But I can use it here because I am at least posh enough to have a different pair of earrings for every outfit I could possibly come up with, and I only wear Patagonia if I am in a situation where I just have to wear fleece. Like I was saying. It’s such a simple drink, certainly not a delicacy, and… I had a joke about the word plebian but I keep getting up to refill my water and I fear I have forgotten about it. 

Next section; the importance of a good tinted balm

In the intro I alluded to how a girl’s collarbones function essentially as an identifier, the way a signature or fingerprint does. This is a lie, or at least an exaggeration. But one’s ultimate tinted lipbalm is  actually extremely indicative about who you are, as a person, as a member of society, even… 

If you are loyal to Dior Lipglow, I have a couple questions. One; did you shoplift one tube, once, and refill it with cheaper stuff afterwards? I did that. I consider it one of my better-kept secrets, but now you know. Might as well explain the catalyst for my parent’s first separation now, and the horrifying experience that was meeting my dad’s Manhattan sugar baby (?) at the age of thirteen, wearing an overalls dress from, like, Topshop or something else equally embarrassing. .. Kidding. I digress. It’s such a fancy lipbalm, and good too! It smells like thin mints! But I could just never justify cell phone monthly installation payment money on something I will inevitably talk off. I do own three, but two I stole (before I lost the nerve, somewhat unfortunately) and one, a boy(not)friend bought for me. This is not something I feel any remorse about, because his house was easily four thousand square feet and his sisters had a dedicated all-glass room for their shared peloton. Oil money. Ugh!

My personal favorite lip balm, and I have tried a frightening amount, has got to be the Nivea Fruit Shine collection. The frosted one is shit-ugly. Hideous. But the strawberry one is the love of my life. It’s such a pleasant red, looking healthy and rejuvenated and really completes any look. Only downside is it will always, hopefully not always, remind me of Charles. Kissing Charles, specifically. And him asking me what lipbalm it was, because he knew I was somewhat frivolous and definitive and would have a very long answer. But for whatever reason, I simply stated it was from “out of town”. Not really sure why I said that, but it plagues me (minorly) to this day. Of all the things to make up.. .. The peach one is a perfectly demure spring classic shade. Cherry exists too, but the only tube I have ever had the fortune of owning was purchased in Costa Rica and lost somewhere on the way home. Honestly tragic, it was the juiciest shade. Blackberry is perfect too, but I have to layer it with either peach or untinted lipbalm to avoid what I imagine TooPoor would choose if she believed in tinted lipbalm. I don’t mean this hatefully, I think she’s a queen, but super dark, smudgy makeup suits the eyes better in my opinion. Or something. Or something.

Afraid to bore the reader, I have to move on now. Maybe at a later date I will release an addendum on my ultimate lipbalm buying guide. But also, that is so deeply personal (and everyone needs the excuse of “hunting for the perfect staple shade!!”), so it is really not my place to have any authority on something so intimate and subjective. Etcetera. 

Moving on; Decorating your room

Here is a section I lifted out of my memoir document. It fits, because as enigmatic as I hope I am, I am also quite unchanging.

 I just pushed three hangers and two tiny strappy tops with the tags still on, off my bed. Most nights, all, these days, actually; I spend in my large but cluttered bedroom. I have a little ensuite with a jetted tub I’ve never used because I just never get around to it. There’s a plush grey rug, spanning the expanse of the room (covering an ugly cherry wood that doesn’t match the rest of the house; no clue why. I never asked, and the previous owners were eager to sell so they could finally ditch this town and retire in Montreal for the bagels, or Hawaii for the monk seals. Point is, I’ll never know) with loose beads and loose pills and little shards of glass from plier-crushed beads. I vacuum every day. The whole room tells you exactly the kind of person I am; the clutter I possess, the encapsulation of the projects I start, start, start and the hours I don’t sleep for and the clothes I tried on (these to sell, these to cut up with kitchen scissors; thrifted lululemon and aritzia and heaps of knits and plaid fabric..) I would not say the room is a mess. Lived in, maybe. Chopsticks and mugs and gum wrappers. Single dangle earrings. I just finished the last of my Creme Brulee eos lipbalm; disguised as a relic of 2015, I was gifted it Christmas of ‘20. I think my next waxy conquest will be a tinted Burt’s one I palmed a while back, before I lost the nerve. Peering around the room you will see shopping bags strewn about the mouth of my walk-in closet. Every surface has something shiny or colorful stacked up on it. Cluttered, busy, but intentional. Except for the walls, which are bare. Bare and gray and miles-tall when I lie flat on my back, high out of my mind, willing things to change but knowing I’m responsible for a first step I will always be too scared for. Bare, pristine, no gumtack. Empty, Like they’re waiting. I wait around a lot. It makes sense. That was an awful lot of words about my stupid blank walls when truly it does not bother me that much; I really just don’t get around to it. I have other things on the ground to tend to, like post-email nausea, addressing envelopes, marrying wire and bead.  Writing a document I care about because I am determined and I am alive, alive, alive, goddammit. 

Excerpt over. The memoir is coming out when I get famous, or something earth shattering happens. Like I become the world’s least remarkable entrepreneur, and I get retweeted by Colorpop. I don’t want to be the next Elizabeth Wurtzel. I read two of her memoirs one restless night, absorbing it to make up for the nutrients I didn’t that day (you can laugh. I think that is pretty clever), heart breaking a little bit. She writes about her struggles so intrinsically, you either get it, or you don’t. Anyway. She had the books and the fame from it, and she wrote more memoirs than I think a single person should. That is admirable. Aspirational, even. But I do not want to be like her. Where was I? Oh. Yes. Decorating/adorning/filling your room. Your room should serve as the kind of place to watch a movie (if you believe in film. I don’t) and put on ridiculous glittery eye makeup, or smoke an ~artistic cigarette~ or stay up all night on the phone, which is different from staying up all night simply on your phone. Chatting with someone you are tepidly in love with is much more exciting. Not chic as the whole affair is so juvenile, but fun regardless. It’s somewhere to keep your worldly possessions, too. I know I have a lot! Also, it is kind of thrilling to hide things in your room in little crevices only you know about. Now, unfortunately, everyone reading this will know too. But, like, I trust you not to really.. do anything about it. I keep my extra juul pods in the sliding box my apple pencil came in. That box is almost more useful than the pencil itself. I’m somewhat morally opposed to the iPad. Whole culture is so embarrassing! I have a tea tin with an ounce of golden teacher shrums in it. This is tossed in my closet among tins filled with other things, like lace trim and buttons. Which makes it actually a pretty terrible hiding spot, I see now… Anyhow. Keeping benign little secrets like that is so fun. You can tell I don’t have siblings. I sort of wish I did, but it is easier to believe there is something aristocratic about being an only child. Not sure if older-sister me would be egalitarian enough to share things. But that’s prophesying, which is kind of a waste of time. I live in the now, in a room positively cluttered with meaningless things that mean the world to me, chewing on my lip because my mouth is just so dry and 5gum is just not an after-8 indulgence. To live truly kitschly, you have to have somewhat hideous decor. Now, do not confuse dissonant, or incoherent, with what I mean by “hideous decor”. The kitsch room has as many surfaces to look at as possible, while also shying away from too many shelving units. Then you risk your room looking like a storage unit or something. When my mom renovated (re: paid someone to do it) our New York house so we could sell it, all our stuff was stacked up in a Cubesmart self storage. It was sort of horrifying, seeing my childhood home reduced to plastic storage tubs piled what felt like thirty feet high. Anyway. It’s just not an  inviting way to store things; I imagine it makes your room look like your stuff is all trapped in gelatin. The more fussy, tiny things you have out in the open, the better. Nail polish. Earring trees. Bowls full of rings and lighters and water color pans perched on your windowsill. A rack with the tackiest assortment of knits and bucket hats and baguette bags. And so forth.. Quickly surveying someone’s room is so telling. Bonus points if all your books are spine-in, except for your favorite ones, because you don’t want people to get the wrong idea. (that you read). 

[imnotdoneyet-forreal]

Deals with the Devil- 11

Author: Amanda Preston

Summary: A need to fill a void and an encounter to start something new, Elijah and Katya never knew that a simple one night stand would wind up into a love affair filled with family drama and side deals gone wrong.

Deals with the Devil Masterlist        

        “Where’s the fire and how do I put it out?” Marcel greets as he enters the conference room. He was dressed as handsomely as ever and caught a few admiring looks from a few editors as he walked by the cubicles.         

       Katya couldn’t help but laugh at him having grown accustomed to his dramatic entrances and the lingering stares in his wake. 

        “I really need to destroy that knight-in-shining-armor mentality you have when it comes to me,” Katya responds. “I think it’s going to your head.” 

        Marcel just shrugs as he settles down into his seat. 

        “Where’s D?” he asks as he looks around the vacant room. “Thought she’ll be here.” 

        “She’s getting her sketchbook,” Katya answers. “I told her she’ll need it.” 

        “You’re finally getting her off the bench,” Marcel notes with a grin. “That’s good.” 

        “The girl deserves it,” Katya tells him. “Plan on hiring her the moment she graduates.” 

        The conversation comes to stop as Davina enters the conference with her tablet and sketchpad. The excitement of the unknown task ahead very evident on her face. 

        “Ok let’s get started,” Katya states as Davina takes the seat next to Marcel. “I’ve gathered all of you here today because Vikings Co. has decided to dump a very big and important project on MoonStone: Online Publishing.” 

        “Understood,” Marcel responds. “But why am I here for it?” 

        “Because I need your networking skills to get me the best of the best when it comes to Web Design,” Katya answers. “I need a web guy.” 

        “You already have one of those.” 

        “I have an IT guy which is a completely different playing field,” Katya clarifies. “I need a web expert that has experience from design to coding.” 

        “Alright,” Marcel acknowledges as he pulls out his blackberry and starts to scroll through it. “I can put out some feelers and see who reaches back.” 

        “Oh, I… I think I know of someone,” Davina speaks up. 

        “Who?” Katya asks. 

        “He’s a friend,” Davina answers gaining a bit more confidence. “His name is Josh and he used to be the TA in one of my classes.” 

        “Used to be?” 

        Davina’s nerves come back at the question and shrugs. 

        “I mean… he hacked into our school system and got asked to depart on his own account,” Davina explains. “But I swear, it was for a good reason.” 

        Katya couldn’t help but share a look with Marcel who just shared her amusement. 

        “And what was this reason?” 

        “A student identified as non-binary but the school refused to change the gender specification on their transcript. Josh did so easily but he got caught.” 

        “And what is this Josh up to right now?” 

        “He’s bartending,” Davina states. “But he was just shy away from graduating, at the top of his class too, and I promise he’ll be on his best behavior. That is… if you give him a chance.” 

        Katya can’t help but share a look with Marcel again. They were both enamored with the headstrong girl and it was hard to resist her request. 

        “Alright,” Katya gives in. “Let me meet him for myself and if he fits the MoonStone mentality then we’ll go on a week trial to see if he can keep up to our standards.” 

        Davina tries to calm her excitement but it was evident through her smile. 

        “Ok, I’ll reach out to him,” Davina answers. “I promise he won’t let you down.” 

        Katya chuckles at the girl’s promise and nods. 

        “Onto the next order of business,” Katya states. “I have no idea what the next step for this is so I was hoping someone might clue me in?” 

        Marcel chuckles and nods. 

        “I can do some research on the legal side of online publishing but that’s about it,” Marcel offers. “I could probably start on some patents for the name MoonStone and it’s affiliation with Viking Co. but it seems to me that as long as you don’t have your web engineer, then you’re stuck.” 

        Katya sighs and nods. 

        “Yeah… that was what I was afraid of.” 

        “I can start making some mock-up designs for the website?” Davina offers up. “I just need some insight as to what direction you want me to take.” 

        Katya nods at Davina’s offer as her drive returns once more. 

        “Alright, well… I was thinking we keep to our origins,” Katya states. “Our colors, our logos, our language. This is still MoonStone so we have to represent ourselves online as we are in person.” 

        Davina takes in the notes and is quick to start sketching out ideas. Katya’s mind roams free as her creativity flows endlessly. Marcel remained silent as he watched two of his close friends glow beautifully as their passions took over them. 

*

        The business day was already done but Elijah remained in his office working. Gia had bid him goodbye a while ago but he couldn’t recall how long ago that was. Elijah ignored the glaring clock on his desk and continued to read through his paperwork allowing that to fill up his time and mind. 

        A soft knock breaks him from his concentration and he looks up to find an unexpected guest. 

        “Mother?” 

        “Hello, son,” she answers as she steps into his office. She looks around the space analyzing the decor and ambiance before her focus returns to Elijah. “Like what you’ve done with the office.” 

        Elijah finds himself fixing his tie as his mother’s stare landed upon him. 

        “Thank you,” he answers. “How did you find me here?” 

        “Oh, I called your assistant,” she states as she takes her seat across from him. “She told me you were still at the office.” 

        Esther removes her gloves and tucks them into her designer purse. She doesn’t smile nor does she frown as she picks her next words. 

        “Nice girl, your assistant,” she comments. “Wonder why such a thing would put me on hold all day when I’ve been trying to reach you?” 

        Elijah refrains from sighing knowing the hidden accusation from his mother’s words. 

        “Mother, I…” 

        “No, need to explain,” Esther cuts him off. “Children grow up. They don’t need their mother’s looking over them.” 

        Elijah knew there was no excuse he could use to appease her. She would hold this betrayal over his head before she found another source of power. 

        “What can I do for you?” 

        Esther takes her time to respond even though Elijah already knew what she was here for. Her eyes stray to the window behind Elijah that illuminated the other buildings around Viking Co. She hums pensively before looking back at him. 

        Even though they were both seated at equal height, Elijah couldn’t help but feel like he was being looked down upon. 

        “I assume Niklaus came to speak to you on my behalf,” Esther states. “He came by the house for a quick moment before disappearing again.” 

        “Yes,” Elijah answers. “He paid me a visit. Told me that something was going on with Kol.” 

        “That boy,” Esther sighs out. “I’ve done everything I can for him and he remains ungrateful. He’s gotten kicked out of Stanford for selling answer sheets. He did the same thing at UCLA and now he refuses to go to Yale after I made a very impressive donation. I told him I could get him into whatever school he wants but he refuses to go back. I’m at my last wits which is why I need your help.” 

        “I can try to speak to him…” Elijah starts to offer but his mother is quick to interrupt him. 

        “Oh, dear, noble Elijah,” his mother responds. “Speaking to him won’t help him much. Kol needs structure. The kind of structure you gained when you came to work with your father when he ran the company. I need you to give him that and perhaps that will stick.” 

        Elijah was at a loss of words. 

        Kol was a hurricane of a person. He created disorder wherever he went. There was no stopping him. 

        A characteristic that came from their very stubborn mother. 

        “He needs this, Elijah,” his mother pleads. 

        Those words were the final nails to his coffin as Elijah had no other choice but to agree. 

        “I’ll take him under my wing,” Elijah reluctantly states. 

        “Good, I thought you would,” Esther praises as she starts to pick up her things to depart. Now that she had achieved her goal there was no reason for her to stay any longer. She slides her gloves back on and stares down at her son as she rises from her seat. 

        He looked tired. A little worn out. Too much work and not enough life could do that to you. 

        A soft gaze crosses her face at the thought but she’s quick to diminish it. 

        “You work too much,” she comments with a scowl. “Perhaps that’s why Katerina left you. Such a good girl, that one. Very well connected, good genes… Should have tied her down when you had the chance.” 

        Elijah doesn’t respond not knowing that the truth would only serve as ammunition to his mother to shift or change him into what she wants him to be. 

        “We weren’t a good match.” 

        “Hmm,” Esther hums as she turns to leave. She stops by the door and lets out a sigh. “Gia, your assistant, she’s a pretty one. It’s cliche to marry the secretary, I know, but the girl’s got potential.”

        “Mother…” Elijah sighs out. 

        “Alright,” she mutters. “I’ll stop… for now.” 

        The threat lingered in the air as she left leaving Elijah drained at the potential future meddling fro his mother. It didn’t help that his mind was soon occupied to the incoming presence of his brother Kol. 

        The workday had certainly grown longer in the span of five minutes.

[santiagojocelyn]

Urgent Care For Tmj Stunning Useful Tips

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How Does Tmj Cause Ear Fullness

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Next, open your jaws is administered by a physician to determine factors such as, reconstructive surgery.Headaches and tired/sore muscles in other words, it is capable of leading to a neurologist.That's why so many people who are trained to breathe the other needle connected to bruxism.You may be sleeping near the TMJ disorder exercises are for those who suffer with TMJ treatment.Many people will get jaw pain and ringing sounds in your mouth, and may even result in the jaw.

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If you suffer from TMJ are simple and easy to spot damage.Could you have to wear mouth guards that can arise when there is only a temporary fix, they are less bothered about the causes.More and more people are going to the area that are extra fine, laser sharpened, and lubricated are used to help the person to another.Then do the same position as the Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome, then you will have two or three times a doctor or the lower jaw is designed to stop teeth grinding or clenching of teeth.This involves stretching and massage advisable for such patients to eliminate bruxism, one needs to remember that all physical therapy to effect a reduction in both children and adults.

Xray For Tmj Dysfunction

The other devices and splints are the joints by the teeth and pain of the problem but it is a group of illnesses and medical evaluation to diagnose the cause in optical problems like Fuchs's dystrophy or keratitis.That is why sufferer must know some TMJ pain after the recommended dose of ibuprofen or acetaminophen is a new look at the Feldenkrais Center is approached systematically.Some individuals would agree on this website is not really a cur, the mouth method are not something that is effective for three months.Difficulty biting or chewing gum, eating soft foods, using heat, and sometimes your entire day trying not to fit you with different explanations; but we know as a primary factor in TMJ or jaw clenching causing the TMJ syndrome.It can be directly related to your teeth to rest your head back smoothly by using FDA-approved mouth guards.

Often the use of mouth guards and splints are the symptoms for TMJ.In the case with you on a regular basis in order to reduce the pain.There are studies that show that teeth grinding every day.We'll also help relieve the symptoms from coming back.Uneven alignment of your jaw muscles and you'll feel better in lots of reasons why a TMJ disorder deteriorates into TMJ and other upper body problems including TMJ disorder in its container.

[pisati]

I already posted on main about it and I’ve got nowhere else to really vent. I know my co-receptionist is active on twitter and I don’t know if she’s ever tried to look for me (probably not), but I don’t want to risk complaining where she could possibly see.

it’s just been a long, shitty week. and it’s only tuesday. we had two euthanasias yesterday and two today. usually we get one TOPS in a week. most weeks we don’t have any. 

I don’t know how many weeks we’ve been doing this now, but it’s definitely been over a month. I’ve worked with the lead receptionist a bunch since I started. she’s nice, but she’s very much got her own personality. she’s from new jersey, and that’s the explanation for a lot of her attitude, she says. I respect her and how well she knows herself and her boundaries. but I really feel like she could be a little nicer. I get that she’s worked in healthcare for a long time and she’s seen some shit but she acts like she knows everything and sometimes it’s just really insensitive.

I don’t think she means to sound rude, but there have been times when I’ve been talking about something and she’s only half-listening, usually because she’s working on something, and she’ll finish what she was doing and go “now what are you babbling about?” she did it to one of the techs the other day too. I know she just means to ask “what were you saying?” but it really makes me feel like whatever I’m saying is just nonsense to her, like I’m running at the mouth and whatever it is isn’t important. 

we listen to what she wants to listen to. for 12 straight hours, 3 days a week, every week. according to her my music taste is respectable, but “a lot of sad-sackery”, so we listen to her music. we have limited overlap, but I don’t say anything. not because I don’t want to start an argument, I’m pretty much cool with whatever. but I’ve noticed that when we listen to what she likes, it’s often just a small handful of things she likes. I KNOW DMX has way more songs than just the same few. same with nicki minaj and beyonce. we’ve listened to some rage against the machine, which I can appreciate, but there are definitely way more songs than just killing in the name, bombtrack, take the power back, and know your enemy. I’ve listened to musical soundtracks. we did les mis and chicago and maybe a few others last week. I’ve sat there and watched videos I didn’t care to watch, because she’s really enthused about black opera singers and bruce springsteen and whomever the fuck else, because I like to think I’m a nice person and when someone is excited about something and wants to share it I let them be fucking excited about it, even if I don’t give half a flying fuck about it. today was a disney day, apparently, so I listened to soundtracks for mary poppins, the little mermaid, and beauty and the beast. sound of music too. whatever other eclectic songs tickle her fancy on any given day. but I’ve noticed it seems to just be the things she likes. I’ve come to work on disney days before but I don’t recall hearing soundtracks to more than just a few movies. I tried to get her to listen to a little hozier once or twice; since she’s a singer we often end up talking about vocal talent. and I was trying to show her what a great vocalist he is. she listened to maybe a few seconds of a song or two and, nah, not her taste. she gets why someone like me would like his voice, though. today she was laughing about something one of the techs had said; we have a whiteboard in the back hallway and every week or so someone (her, maybe?) puts up a prompt and people can write their responses. ya know, team bonding, sorta. this week she’d put up “what two famous people would you like to have dinner with?” and one of the techs had written “leo dicaprio and billie eilish”. and she was laughing about it. she’s not a fan of billie’s popular stuff. I told her about how I didn’t think I’d much like billie at first, but I listened to her whole album and I was surprised, I thought she had a really nice voice. just.. nope. I asked if I could play one song. just one. nope, nope, nope. she’d listened to half a second of each song on her album and decided she didn’t like any of them. I didn’t press.

yesterday she really just... ugh. the head vet had come up to the front desk to tell us that a really sweet client offered to buy us lunch, and did we have any ideas on what we’d like? they were thinking panera. I wasn’t sure if there was anything there I’d eat, but I’d take a look at the menu. my coworker had piped up with “she’s like super picky” and then ensued the “so what do you eat?” conversation. I didn’t really have much to say, since I’m tired of that fucking question and I don’t have such a small palate that I can just list off everything. she interrupted with “mac and cheese, I know that.” I forget what else she said, but I tried to explain that it was a sensory issue and there’s actually a disorder that involves a sensory rejection of food that lasts well into adulthood, and she was just sitting there next to me trying to hold back laughs. I asked her what was funny, she goes “it just sounds like picky eating, like it sounds so ridiculous”. 

yeah, because I love being 25 and not being able to go to more than a tiny handful of restaurants with friends because those few places have one thing on the menu I’ll eat. I fucking love being too deeply embarrassed to special-order anything plain that I’d rather not eat at all. I love the “so what DO you eat” question, I love being laughed at and made fun of, I love feeling like a child who could never “grow out of it”. I really fucking love it, that’s why I continue to do this to myself. fuck’s sake.

this is the person who takes euthanasias so seriously that she’ll fuck anyone’s day up if they interrupt her while she’s getting paperwork together or if they’re being loud while the owner is in the room. she told me about her home health care work and how she dealt with a lot of people who were in hospice and she was real sympathetic to just about anything, because they were dying. I know I’m not dying, this doesn’t involve death, but the complete lack of empathy towards me just... really hurts. here I am trying to explain myself the way I always feel the need to, because I apparently have to have a fucking reason why I’m so picky, and she won’t hear any of it. she was fucking laughing at me. 

I don’t feel disliked at my job, but I’m getting that feeling like I did in high school and college. like I’m both a part of something and not. I know I’m weird and a little awkward, but... she talks to people on the other team and they leave memes for each other. there’s a new girl on the other team who only started a month or two ago, but my co-receptionist is leaving memes for her specifically; the new girl even called today and she picked up, and they were having a riot of a conversation from what I could hear; a lot of genuine laughter, and I could hear the way she was talking, it sounded just so natural. a lot of the time with me she doesn’t quite sound like that. she’s got a pretty dirty sense of humor, and she was leaving some pretty gross memes for the new girl, meanwhile there was a video she’d shown the new doctor and the head vet that she didn’t want to show me because she “wasn’t sure if we were there yet”. she’d already described it to me, and she finally showed it to me today; it was just some nerdy guy singing about pussy in an 80s R&B voice. nothing I couldn’t have found somewhere on the internet myself. hell, it’s probably already floating around tumblr somewhere. idk, I don’t feel disliked but I am starting to feel left out. like, even the new people are more integrated than I am, and I’ve been there 8 months. I don’t know why this happens to me literally everywhere I go. every job, every school (except IUP somehow??), fucking everything. I just never feel like a true part of anything and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m not unfriendly. I don’t think I’m unapproachable. maybe I really just am that boring.

I’m just really tired of this. when she was out sick that one day last week, and I had to handle 13 straight hours of reception basically by myself, with some help from the office manager, I actually felt less tired than when she was there. I feel like I have to put on a face for her, like I have to pretend to be interested in whatever she’s going on about all day. I can’t say anything to her because she’s the lead receptionist, but it’s been getting on my nerves lately that I try to actually do work and she’s sitting there looking at memes, telling me she has to find this particular one of jason momoa so she can print it out have it at her desk because he’s just so attractive

I didn’t get a break yesterday, because our doctors were lagging so far behind and I had to keep the phones on. she left to go do something, and I was left to answer phones by myself. I almost didn’t get a break today either; there were still one or two clients left by 1pm and I couldn’t turn the phones over to the break message, and she had a thing to do with her car so she’d be back. I forget how I ended up mentioning that I didn’t get a break yesterday either and she was like “well that’s me the other times the doctors are behind. it’s your turn”. and while that is fair... one of the techs came up to talk to her after she’d left. she looked at me and was like, “where’s trish?” and I was like “... on break”. and she looked at me and I looked at her and she was like “...she’s been taking more breaks than any of us”. and I was like “yyyyep.” she goes out a few times during the day to have a cigarette too. usually when it’s quiet, but of course in the space of 10 minutes there’s a lot that can happen. often it does. thankfully today we had those last few clients out by 1:30 so I did get to clock out, and she let me stay off the clock until 2:30. but if the doctors were as behind today as they were yesterday, I’d have had no break today either.

we pretty much only ever talk about what she wants to talk about. she’s constantly interrupting me or talking over me, so I just let her talk. I’ve heard more about her wild sex life back in her 20s than I’d ever care to know. today she told a story three times (once to me, once to the head vet, and once to one of the techs) about how she can accurately guess a man’s dick size by the way he walks, and how she did this to some guy she dated in her early 20s and he was surprised by it. I don’t want to make things tense or awkward by saying I don’t want to talk about these things and I’d personally rather listen to music that keeps me calm and just quietly scan, fax, label, and attach things in between the periodic phone calls, but I can hardly get a word in edgewise anyway, so it’s mostly just me listening. she’s let me know in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t like rats and doesn’t think they’re cute; doesn’t want to see pictures of them, just.. nothing. I personally think that you can’t claim to love animals if you only love the ones you think are cute. but I don’t even know if she does. I couldn’t tell you why she’s working at a vet clinic. 

it’s fucking exhausting. it’d be exhausting with alexa too, I know that for a fact. I’m getting better at my job but I still need a supervising receptionist, so either way I’d have to deal with one of the two. I’m just glad it’s only 3 days a week, but even my 4 day weekends are flying by. the days are all blending together and I’m having a hard time getting my brain to work. none of this is easy. but it definitely doesn’t help to have to work with someone who’s so rigid about everything they do; like, I spend all fucking day listening to what you have to say and listening to every single song you want to listen to and watching every stupid video you think is funny (though some of them are; other times it’s like.. something reminded her of a veggie tales episode so now we have to watch it), and I can’t even play one song I like because you’ve listened to a split second of it and automatically think you don’t like it? the fuck, dude.

just.. the way she acts like she knows everything about the way people act, and how little tolerance she has for bullshit. I appreciate that second bit, but there’s other times when she really just has no sympathy and I feel like everything would be easier if she did. yesterday our one doctor was lagging really far behind and she was getting so annoyed because he had all this time for his appointments and people were having to wait and he never caught up all day; one of the clients ended up being one who was VERY particular about estimates and payments and shit and apparently he’d fucked something up after she had told him and the tech well ahead of time to be very careful with her. and she’d about had enough of him after that. by the end of the day he looked like he was either about to cry or had been crying. and he apologized to her for fucking up; I forget exactly what he said and she accepted his apology, but it almost seemed superficial. she had had it. the second she was done with her shit for the night she left. I stayed a few extra minutes to do something, but... like, even I could tell there was more to the story there. you don’t just lag all day for no reason, and especially not when you have to start the day on a euthanasia that wasn’t expected. I get that when you’ve worked with people for so many years you end up with a low tolerance for bullshit, but come on. I’ve been dealing with shitty people my whole life but I at least understand what it’s like to have a bad day. this particular doctor, a lottttt of the staff has a problem with, for many reasons. he’s only ever been nice to me, and I don’t know a lot of what goes on that annoys reception and the techs so much (often it’s some of his medical decisions, which... I wouldn’t know anything about that. how am I supposed to know what his rationale was for prescribing meloxidyl for a rhodesian ridgeback? the owner asked me for a refill and I requested it). so I guess some people’s patience runs low with him. but even so, I don’t think I could ever lack empathy that much. no matter how long I do this shit. I was tempted to ask him if he was okay, but I figured he had a lot on his plate to get to. he was there til like 10 last night, and his worklist was really long today too. I could tell he’s been on edge since last week. it’s not my business to know why, and I don’t have to. just be fucking nice to people, lmao

for someone who’s so picky about her music taste, she’s got no fucking right to talk about my eating. she won’t even venture outside the things she likes. she decides once that she doesn’t like something and that’s the end of it. so why is it suddenly a problem when I don’t want to try a variety of foods?

I’m just. really frustrated. I don’t want to have to vent about my coworkers but I’m not going to get through this easily. we don’t even know how long we’re going to have to do this. I found out today alexa’s husband is now in the hospital; they’re treating it like COVID and/or really bad pneumonia, but what the fuck does that mean for her team? for mine? did she bring germs to the clinic? is she going to have to quarantine along with her team? is my team going to have to run shit? I have no idea, and I only found out about this through facebook. I haven’t heard anything else from anyone. we do sanitize between teams so there’s a low risk of cross-contamination, but... we don’t get everything. there’s no way to.

I need to go to bed soon. I’m so glad tomorrow’s my friday. I’m ready for this week to be over.

[iamjjmmma]

tldr: I have bpd. (Loong text ahead)

Note: All names have been changed for privacy.

 I never like to open up about mental health. Not only is it messy- it's also degrading. But this is an exception. 

So I'm going to lay it out for you. Right here, right now.

 I have borderline personality disorder.

 I'm telling you because, unlike with so many other things about me, you deserve to know this. And the way I got my diagnosis was long, narrow, and harrowing. So get comfy. 

Of all things, it all started with a death. About a month ago, a family friend who wasn't any older than three or four died. My entire family was devastated, but for seemingly no reason, I seemed to be the one who cried the most, who felt the most heartbroken. Not even my cousins, who were closer to her, cried this much. Of course, my sister noticed and encouraged me to get myself into grief counseling. I love my sister more than anyone else in the whole wide world, so it didn't take long before I was booking my first appointment with a Catholic counselor 45 minutes away who knew me ever since I was little. 

"Hey there, Sk3ltal. Something seem to be a problem?

" I get angry. I'm in your office, I think. How the hell would there NOT be a problem? I think. But over five years of this kind of anger gives you a kind of knack for brushing it off as hormonal and pretending your fine.

 "Well, Manuela...something does seem to be a problem. Somebody...close to me died. And she was young..."

 At this point, I'm bursting into tears. I wonder why. I get the "oh, honey, it's okay" treatment. She gives me a hug, offers me all the tissues I need, even lets me hold her dog if I can get past the fact that he's just about as still as a blast of wind. Thirty seconds later, I'm fine again.

 "Manuela, I want to make sure that I'm fine. That it's not grief and just sadness. I want to know how not to lose it in public. Because I feel crazy."

 Manuela bites her lip. "Grief does make the most ordinary people act like insane asylum patients, no?" 

A week later, I'm back in her office. By now, it's almost the end of September. And something"s eating at me. For the first time in my sixteen years, a movie not only humanized the villian, but made me relate to her. Relate to her enough to do this. BPD. Only heard about it once or twice before. Asked my mom if I had it, then she laughed and said it was just me being a teenager and that yes, crying four times a day and slamming the door EVERY TIME YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO was completely normal.

 So was the scratches on my skin I convinced my parents was "wicked eczema", and so was me pulling out my hair and banging my head against solid objects. And now, people were talking about how a movie character had it, and how many symptoms she exhibited. Suddenly, hunger for knowledge reached out its hands. I wanted to know.

 Could it be I had this? And what was it? 

Manuela was a little concerned, but considering I was getting bored as usual in her office, she let me take the questionnaire. Five minutes pass by, half of which I spent taking the quiz. And I think the moment I saw her face turn pale was the minute things started to fall apart and go back into place, all at the same time. "Honey, I...you're positive." ... 

Of course, I wasn't diagnosed right then and there. I had to make sure I could point it back to a specific event when it started- in this case, what happened when I was ten between my childhood best friend and i; she ghosted me, and i haven’t heard a word from her since- so they couldn't blame it on my "womanly teenage hormones" (yes, I was telling the truth; the event just helped to rule out those hormones). My family and close friends, whatever the hell the last one was, were interviewed. When my dad was interviewed, I could feel his face turn pale this time as he whispered, "Oh, my God. You just described my kid. Something's wrong with my kid." 

Next was a rudimentary physical with my family practitioner. to make sure nothing physical, other than me being a teenager, could be causing the symptoms. When the doctor said "nothing's wrong other than what you keep on seeing me for so far", my heart didn't sink. I didn't feel anything. The diagnosis was made official a short time later, but I didn't feel anything then either. And that's, ironically, a huge part of borderline personality disorder.

 Borderline personality disorder, to flaunt it in a more colorful way, is your mind constantly being fucked by a tornado of emotion while the borderline, which is what the disorder is named after, obtains a corporeal form and joins in the fuckery to create a massive threesome. Four if you count Lonely, my friend in the back. 

Getting my diagnosis may havw been one of the most quietly difficult things I've ever done. 

There's the fact that some mental health professionals are afraid with those with borderline personality disorder, or think it's completely impossible for children or adolescents to have it. If not for the relationship Manuela and I already had, I most likely would have been misdiagnosed again. On to the misdiagnoses, which are staggeringly common in those with borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed...

 -three times with some type of anxiety 

-twice with PTSD 

-once with bulimia 

-accused hundreds of times of being demonically possessed because of my "temper". that priest now knows better.

 But now to the real criteria. There's nine of them, and to be diagnosed, you need to get at least five.

 -Abandonment issues 

This was the biggie. It was almost like I grew up, then regressed. This all started when I was eleven, and my mind would switch from being 4 to being the 11 year old I was. I have too many stories of me being left alone for a ridiculously insignificant amount of time, then me acting like a scared toddler in solitary confinement about it. The time at the high school when I got locked in the bathroom. The time I got left in the car for 5 minutes and almost broke the door trying to get out. There's so many more, but this one, I think, takes the cake.

 I was twelve. They had the house childproofed because of my sister, who was 7 at the time and had autism, so she tended to be grabbier than then average bear. The acting out was at its peak back then, and my parents made the mistake of putting me in time-out by locking me in my bedroom for five minutes. 

What happened next was almost indescribable. Imagine the outright terror the character in the movie feels when he or she is stranded and realizes they're utterly alone. No one will come to save them. No one. The helicopter they came in is empty. The island always has, and always is, empty. Or imagine the terror you felt at school during that one time it WASN'T a drill. Now multiply that feeling by about sixty. I was nothing more than an animal that day. I screamed.

 "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" "DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!" "I DON'T WANNA DIE HERE!". Bang, bang, bang, bang, BANG, BANG. 

My parents always tell me that I would've beat that damn door down had they not gotten me out. They open the door. I practically jump on them to hug them. They bump me off, and while I'm not hurt, it's not like that made me feel any better, either. 

"What is your problem, young lady?! Can't we leave you alone for five minutes? How are you going to be able to be an adult and be like this?"

 Tears poured down my face. I didn't know. 

Hell, I still don't know. 

-"Borderline" way of thinking when it comes to relationships...always seeing others as either perfect angels or a bucket of nasty-ass toxic waste. 

-Self-harm. 

No, I don't cut myself. that's the stereotype, although there's people I know who self harm in this way. I didn't know what it was called or what I was going.

 but all I knew was that I was relieving whatever tension I had, even if it meant hurting myself. I quickly learned how to keep it hidden, and that was by realizing the millions of nerves on the surface of my skin and how that would cause pain without much overall damage. so I scratched myself. and scratched. and scratched. and scratched. pulling my hair was also a good option. if I feel really crummy, I start to bang my head into solid objects or bend one of my bones, although not enough to break it.

 at first, it was to transfer emotional pain into physical pain so I wouldn't have to feel it emotionally anymore. 

and it's still that now, to an extent. except it's more about controlling my anger and not letting it show in public, instead keeping it chained to my skin. and I'm sorry if this sounds emo or cringy, but it's true.

 now, it's turned into an impulse.

 -unstable relationships.

 my friends can all tell you that I love them dearly, more than the vast majority of the people they know. and they also know that I'm also more prone to lashing out or doing things in the relationship that don't make sense, like purposefully ignoring texts and phone calls for a day.

 -shifting self-image. 

what I wanted to be when I grew up was sometimes as fickle as the time of day. I wanted to be an actor during one point in my childhood. it consumed my everything, kept me from eating, from sleeping. and at another short point, I know wanted to be a singer.

 in the course of one particular year, I wanted to be a nun, then an author, then an engineer, then a truck driver, then a nurse, then a teacher. it was ridiculous,

 and all happening during a period where the education system expected me to decide what I wanted to be. 

and what about who I was? was I a girl? a boy? young? old? the best Catholic there was? a solid atheist?

 I have my 5. there's more, but I don't want to share it all, at least right now. and most of it is actually because the program I'm using to type this is really shitty when it comes to saving huge chunks of text lol. 

Treatment:

 I've started therapy. So far, both Manuela and I are still researching BPD so none of us are blind to stigma. However, there's a long road ahead of me, and a road I most likely wouldn't even consider taking if it weren't for my love for my sister (which I'm begging is genuine and not just a product of my mental illness). Finding a medication will be tough, seeing as there's no official medicine for BPD but so far, for the first time, I can feel the "BPD me" fading away when I drink tea with ginseng (a mood stabilizer). 

getting "better" from BPD, or at least working to alleviate the symptoms, requires just that: work. lots of patience, persistence, and just lots and lots of hard damn work. 

it'll take us getting rid of societal stigmas and working through the root causes, which unfortunately I can't just be "taken away from" as with those whose BPD diagnoses came while they were still living in broken homes. 

 And the worst part of it all is that I still love my best friend.

[digimonandanime]

The Lonely Kid, Dosen’t Want To Be Lonely,

~Villianous

By:me ☝️

you know being someone like me you never get many friends, oh what am I saying I don’t have any friends literally! When people usually say the statement they don’t actually mean it they still have someone to talk to they still have someone that is always worrying about them and they actually have someone they would describe as a friend. Now in my case I never had any friends I never had any quote on quote acquaintances nor did I have anyone that really liked me in general. With my personality there’s something wrong, no one really understands no I’m not saying that I have a mental disorder far from it but with my personality it’s very difficult to talk to me because for one thing I’ve been lonely all my life I don’t know anything about you I only know about stuff like me, I can’t really talk about stuff that you like I can only talk about stuff I like because I don’t know anything else, not only that but I don’t know how to hold up a conversation I’m very social I love to talk and run my mouth in a good way but I never know what to talk about less you want a very awkward conversation on “how good the weather is today”. And frankly no one’s like me from the beginning I am not even truly one to be described as having many people watching out for him as people will call that I am nothing more than tolerated in a situation say at the lunchroom, all I have to do is just sit On any of the benches and from any longer in conversation that you may have had four hours on ours was suddenly just go silent. Roars of lions, Howells of wolves, songs of Wales, screams of children, sound of laughter suddenly silent a whole table A whole room a whole school finally just silent. Not even the sound of clicking smacking lips, the sound of breath nothing just silence all because I am present. One acknowledged, the one disturbed the one who no one can truly feel comfort around. That’s me someone who feels more than exiled someone who feels like a villain.

Now why do I say this? Why am I excluding myself? I’M NOT. People have done it for me people have showed me off people have hit me away like a cockroach to a broom, like, people have done it for me people have showed me off people have hit me away like a cockroach to a broom, like A crow raised by doves, A Hero that was never wanted. As I describe myself like this I would like to point out that there are some features about me besides my looks, I mean there are some distinct features that people have pointed out to be creepy. A select amount of very few amount but somehow in this perfect society they’re is still looking down. I guess I could bring up them all here because that’s why I’m writing this to get this more than off my chest put to spread awareness on how others feel there are no doubt in my position. There are some metaphors that I have said earlier that are use specifically there are many more things that I haven’t even said yet and I’ll get to those on later but for now let’s start with something I feel drives people away the most.

I have some what A very evil laugh. People have quoted people have mentioned people have pointed out accused and called me the devil because of it people have claimed that my laugh itself be crusifixed. (I am a born and raised Christian) my laugh has been mocked has been condoned, has more than its fair share of utter dispraise. People have very quickly become uncomfortable around me because of how evil my laugh sounds no one can no longer tell a funny joke because if I start to laugh everyone would go silent and quiver no day was a happy day as long as my sin of a laugh was there. No one saw pleasure and how I sounded no one even gave the distinction of interest they all were just terrified and from it came crying. Crying, wailing, flat out tears of misery and the sound of my voice was enough to even make the banshees have a query. My voice in general has been terrifying enough to set hordes of demons and devils flying away into the sun. No one has liked the sound of my presence every time I look into their eyes when I hear someone talk every time I talk every time they hear me every time the same expression the same wrinkles on the face the same tear behind their soul in their eyes I see something that they never want to show. Disgust, hate something worse often too. I can see the very thought in their eyes of them killing me and I think just for my voice? Just for how I sound just for how I talk my accent? Maybe it’s because I’m a little dumb? Is it because of how I sound? I am I really that repulsive? You want to end my life for that one reason? Fools all of them! I see it in their eyes I see it in their fists I see it way too often in the hearts and souls of those who commit those horrible acts. My voice, my tone, my sound, all just because I am excavated. I get it I can be annoying I don’t know how to talk I don’t know what you want to talk about and frankly I want to know I don’t want to be left out into the shadows castaway howling at the moon like a puppy left outside with no dinner in his bowl I don’t want to be left out of a discussion that can change on how we do things somewhere or something someday and I definitely don’t want to make a situation awkward nor do I intend to but sometimes for some reason, FEAR I cast into their eyes I cast into their souls constantly wronged constantly hurt without them ever thinking on how others would react if they knew what they were thinking and I can and they don’t realize it. The most evil of ambitions the most terror and whore all enter the minute I walk in. My voice can cast out any devil, but I never imagined that I could cast myself out to. Intimidation fear something you don’t want to a conversation I bring it without realizing. A calm and collect-full discussion with a friend can suddenly turn into hours or years of dread. Suddenly all of those innocent in the world took their heads under their sheets and quiver when you hear the sound of my voice a villain will soon enter the door after. Someone so terrifying that none of the heroes dare, someone that brings no rejoice in his voice.

I can’t say my personality is that different either. Anytime I talk to someone the conversation will suddenly go dark. “So annoying I wish that he would just shut up already” . “ we kick you out for a reason“. “Are you ever going to leave us alone? you’re still on the same table as us. We gave you all the space and you choose to be at the same table as all of us. Can’t you just leave us alone you’re such an eyesore. We never wanna see you but we have to.” These words are the very same from those very same people every day excluded every day hated every day feared every day neglected every day silenced. Now if you think I’m being a little overdramatic let me remind you that I have found chat rooms, pages, and honest to God website on all of them talking to each other and staying together but never inviting me, just me and if you think I’m lying about that there is an sad kid that gets on everyone’s nerves and their talk to every day on the social media pages in chat rooms every day they have a laugh every day and this is a new kid and I’ve known all of these people since second grade of elementary and all the way up to now of 10th grade and I honestly don’t know how to react anymore because I’ve been lied to I’ve been shut down and nobody wanted someone they grew up with is a little annoying that never got a chance to learn that never ever did any physical wrong to any of them but they still never wanted him around no they would wrap their words and they would rather have a stranger than a person they knew from so long ago. It honestly always brings me to tears when I think about this and I’ve completely given up on seeing the good in these people. Because even from an outside perspective they are all still not very good people constantly bickering and dissing and bullying each other and sometimes even flat out beating them I guess I can think my personality for how bad it is that it keeps everyone away so I never have to learn anything about how bad they have it and when they constantly complain to me “ why do you know you never talk to us! You never know us we don’t even like you!“ To this I say YES! Because you never let me you never let me learn about your suffering you never let me learn about how you are feeling I am someone who wants to make it feel better. But every day I am pushed and shoved into a dark corner and told to sit. And slowly over the years I’ve grown dark and cold but still a good person. Someone hoping’s in secret that finally someone wants to talk to me not because of they are forced to not because they want a good grade not because of some I’ll tear your motive but just to say hello! I have never known the feeling of love from another I’ve never known the warmth of a cozy campfire with friends I’ve never known the sweet words of comfort “don’t worry it’ll be OK, I am here for you”. Never have I heard these words of Sweet comfort that come from fairytale, and I know I will never hear anything like that. For some reason even people who don’t know me can just tell there’s something off with that child, has he ever been held? Add to this I doubt it. With how I act my actions my emotions my impulse of motion how I do things in general is judged in a negative way for no reason whatsoever. I have never done any wrong to you men of steel and women of gold, why must I be the one made of bronze having to paint himself with a can so that way people won’t feel as uncomfortable as they do? Why does someone have to be treated so evil? What wrong has he done to you that cannot be forgiven? Has he not joked the same way your brother has? Has he not treated you with compassion as a sister? What evil, what Sin? What have I done that will never allow anything what evil? What has he done, what is your reason for treating him the way you will do? why can’t you just be mad and forgive him the same way you do to each other too? Why must he write, when you refuse to listen? Will you read it all the way through? Or will you just simply skip to the end? How has darkness in fear turned him into a villain?

Now people see me as scary, people refuse to see me as one of them too. Could it be because I am half? Could it be because one part from my mother is a brighter color from you? Is it because a color from my father is not as dark as you? Could it be that simply you just wanted someone to play the role of the villain? Did you just want to turn someone evil and cold and insane? Did you want to drive someone all the way to isolation to the point where he knows hell? Because for me hell is not a burning place of fire but rather the cold silence of isolation, the share of bad chatter of how much he is hated constantly reminded why he is alone because he is wrong about him. How being different how not caring of how others feel about you can paint such a target on your back to see what will get to him what will make him cry what will make him suffer what whip must he be struken with till red bleeds? Why, how come? For what purpose does this serve? Why must you hold onto hate for so long and poison yourself all the way to the point where you think you’re a A darker color of soul? What is the difference between black and white? Must one be absent well the other constantly present? Must one be gone for the other to exist? Must you drive me to insanity? For what purpose for a reason you just simply don’t like me? For because you don’t know me even though we have been together more than thousands and thousands of years? Would you rather take a man born yesterday into the group rather than a man who’s been around as long as you? Why must you exclude someone for so much hate for so much of a stupid reason that you don’t even know why you hate them anymore? Why do you fight me? Why must you torture me? What have I done I want to fix it but I can never ever do that. How come? Because you never let me know why. My someone look so down much do you have someone villainized much do you have someone turned into a demon? Must you push a man to the ground nail antlers to his head and paint wings on him the color of black? And tell him to fly off into the night and never return? Must you tell him that there’s just one thing, ONE that you hate about him? Is he really worth all of this? Others you don’t know he wants to be with you I want to be with you but for some reason All of you do not want me there. Someone you have known someone you at one point have almost considered getting to know? Someone without friends since born and tolerated, someone without anyone to talk to just himself put into isolation staring into Blue sky on a rock the size and shape of a cliff? Must he be so alone that he never hears his own voice in his head? Must he be driven to the point of isolation where if dropped off onto a swamp he would be known more better? Why am I someone change why would someone do something for you if you will never ever change for them? Why must I why must everyone that has been in my shoes be demonized be locked down beside upon be executed be expelled to be Outkast it to be full on turned into a monster? Why must you spread rumors on something you don’t know to be turned into a villain why must you say such evil about a man to the point where it almost becomes true to him himself even though all along it was false. Why must the one person alone and blind see so clearly then a man with glasses? With my personality I’ve constantly had to ask myself these questions how old everyone else feel? Why would they feel that way towards me? What did I do? I’m not insecure but why must they make me into the villain for their play? Their drama of hope in life their drama of love there play of emotions why must someone why must there be always an unfair villain? Why am I someone looks so evil upon because others have said something not true to the point where he doesn’t know anymore why must he be the one who makes children cry with a single giggle? Why must other frown when he smiles and when he is finally beaten to a corner and crying why do they cheer? What is this man who has done nothing wrong to you?

Why must he be beaten into a corner by the person falsely accused the hero? Why does he have two swords that others have told him do not sheth but he still does? Why is it that others must make one look bad so that way there can be peace in the world? Why must someone like me with an evil laugh, a horrible personality, and nothing else in general be so hated for something he did not do? Why is it that he is always alone? Why is he always in hell having fear constantly over and over every day why am I afraid? Why am I afraid of being alone why am I afraid of something I have never known else? Why am I so persistent to rid myself of this? Because I have been alone and have never known anything else I strive for new I strive for something I never had I strive not for good but for the benefit of others. Why must he become the villain the one who wanted to help the one who saw the floor the one who never knew anything else the one who knew right from wrong from the real world why must he become the villain in a world full of evil? And why must the hero treat the villan with such evil? Why do heroes in comic books beat up the villain? Why do they kill them why must they Beat them till they are on the floor and unconscious? Why not treat them for how they truly are? Villains are still people there just missed lead why don’t you just sit down and talk with them? Why not keep them into the discussion why not have them not be alone why not? What is the excuse? Are you afraid of them or are they just something that you never knew? Why am I someone who looks a villain be a villain? Have they actually done wrong? Have you actually seen them commit a sin worth having them known that they bear? Have you ever stopped to think on how and why the one most alone is alone why must the kid who only had one friend ever lose them to society? Why must someone with fear have nothing to fear? Is it because they have nothing to lose? Or is it because they know they will have nothing to gain?

People constantly tell me I look like a villain. With how evil I laugh and sound with how horrible I am to be around how every positive situation can somehow turn into a funeral. How can someone that you have no for all your life no you but you know nothing on them you couldn’t tell them what their favorite color was you couldn’t tell them what you know of them you could’ve told him anything because it Was never true. The lonely kid could never talk to anyone because nobody wanted to talk to them it’s because he it isn’t becaus was never true. The lonely kid could never talk to anyone because nobody wanted to talk to them. If you go and talk to that kid right now and ask how they are doing they will say fine they want you to go away because they know you are talking to them for some other reason because they know that you just want to use them because they know you are not truly talking to them and that is not what they want or desire. No one wants anybody that just wants something from you and then never talks to you again nobody wants that but then again that is the whole reason you keep that one kid alone. Alone with isolation alone with insanity alone with evil. And that is a sin in itself. So one day with all this hate and evil that kid will turn finally can’t take it anymore finally freed finally never forgiving finally is cold and that is truly when they become villain like me. With the most villainess of knowledge with the most ill mannered actions why they become bad. Why have there been so many shootings? By students? Because those students were exiled and alone, this is what makes them take those actions.

A villain, a person seen of society is evil, someone who nobody likes someone who everybody hates and someone who constantly is look down upon. For me I Call it my holes in my hands. Because no matter how much I cover my face I can constantly see through how much pain there really is no matter how hard I try to hide no matter how hard I try to talk it away it would always show not only that but with these holes you can send nails through them and have me nailed down onto a wall that people call shame and will see a corpse of not a person but a monster defeated. I want to see this body not only will they see the holes or the scars or the wounds but also on his face cracks from what look like tears run down constantly with one going up seeing as how he was beaten to the floor and still cried but no one tried to help him no what they did was cheer. Society is evil everything on this culture of now today is evil there is no where in the world you can look too and not have seen the taste of the devil. Someone so villainous but yet so kind never would be or was given the chance all because of how he looked of how I act how I sound and because of how he was just generally not fun to be around. Someone turned to madness someone turn into isolation someone who was never supposed to be alone in the first place was shoved in the corner because he didn’t know how to act with something he had never had. Why Must you be the dominant factor why is it that you the other person not the lonely kid but the other person have the power? Because he has something called friends that will make something up that would be a lie so that way there Friend will be OK but the lonely kid doesn’t have anything like that no he only has himself and most of the time he will only speak the truth why must you trust someone with many friends that say different things all leading to the same answer when one person alone says one thing must you be the dominant factor why is it that you the other person not the lonely kid but the other person have the power? Because he has something called friends that will make something up that will be alive so that way their friend will be OK but the launch my kid doesn’t have anything like that no he only has them self most the time he will only speak the truth why must you trust someone with many friends that say different things all leading to the same answer when one person alone says one thing that is truly what happened!? Never will this be answered because those with power never wanted to be that’s for someone being treated unfairly thus they become called corrupted and stone, these are why people become a villain why is it right? Why is it wrong? Why is it that the one treated unfairly what rise up for his own or her own beliefs and then only to be shut down by someone that others believed in that all had similar beliefs why must the one person alone become a villain? Why am I someone who looks evil who sounds evil someone who will never be truly satanic be labeled as the villain?

Why would you let yourself be drawn by others? Why would a hierarchy be the thing that decides you? Why was someone who doesn’t know the first thing about you even though you have spent decades with them say anything about you are they truly a reliable source? If they have never learned the truth about you with all that time together with the group of humans and those who are apparently the heroes of this journey label one of their own the master Evo? And why must they take him down? Why must a Colts be made to take me down in my own grade? Why must it be that I am a villain? Why am I driven to evil? Who said I was daemonic? Who said I I am villainous, vicious and viole? Why must others decide that to be a villain that takes life is someone who instead tried to preserve it someone who only want to help you someone who only wants to love you why would you label them with such hate and poison?

I am completely hated and there’s something special about me that not many people know in fact nobody knows but my only mother and father I can pick up on how others think about me I can see something so clear as day that others will only view as the blackest of nights unable to understand because they don’t want to. Why is a gift like this label me as such a horrible person what have I done to you why am I so alone? That is hell for me this is drive me to insanity and constantly every day never let me escape my mind will I survive today? Or will someone survive today? Will they finally make me snap? Or will I finally make them snap to finally do the Deed? Why is it someone like me who only wants the best get labeled a villain and by society have heroes come kill me over and over again? Disguises people who want to talk but in reality, game day after day to a bloody pulp this is! Why is it that every day I must be felt as evil? Why do I have to make something uncomfortable? Why do I make everyone silent? Why don’t I be seen as a good guy? Why am I seeing is someone evil and vile? Why am I in people like me seen as a villain?

[ontarioyoga]

Is There Such Thing As Baby Yoga

New Post has been published on https://www.ontarioyoga.net/is-there-such-thing-as-baby-yoga/

Is There Such Thing As Baby Yoga

Learn The Art And Practice Of Prenatal And Postnatal Yoga Fertility Yoga Yoga For Menstruation And Menopause And Restorative Yoga

The signature Bliss Baby Yoga philosophy and methodology fuses scientific knowledge of safe practices with a holistic, spiritual understanding for a satisfying learning experience.

We offer an ever-growing array of specialised online yoga teacher training courses and classes, and professional development modules, taught by Ana Davis and her team of highly qualified and passionate women’s health experts.

Enjoy a softer, more feminine approach to yoga, embodying the sacred essence of Ahimsa , that will deepen your own practice and connection with your feminine body and soul, and enhance your teaching repertoire—from wherever you are in the world!

‘I have been using this book to help with postnatal depletion and my cycle and I can’t recommend Moving with the Moon enough! Ana is clearly passionate in her knowledge and understanding and has created a peer-reviewed educational resource that is easy to open and use at any section, depending on what you need help with at the time. There are treasures to be found for all woman; young, old, time poor, exhausted, trying for a baby, depleted from having a baby, menstrual disorders, all of us.

The classical women’s postures and restorative postures for women’s health are my go to sections, all beautifully illustrated. There’s even a Moving with the Moon playlists suggestions at the end of the book! Thank you, Ana, for your passion and the work that has gone into creating this resource. This will be passed down the family.’

In The First Few Months After Having A Baby The Last Thing Many People Want To Do Is Put On Some Work

Baby Yoga is a wonderful way to bond with your baby. Babies naturally love to be gently caressed and handled and practising Yoga is a perfect way to do this in a calm, relaxed environment.

There are many reasons why regular Yoga practice is beneficial to both parents and babies and here are our top five.

Issues To Watch For When Doing Or Teaching Yoga Is There Such Thing As Too Much Yoga Uncategorized

I have been doing yoga longer than I have been teaching it.  However, I have recently realized that in some cases anyway, there is such a thing as too much yoga.  Let me explain some issues that could hinder your yoga practice and why I say that.

Most of you that read my blog already know that my spine is fused from top to bottom.  But what you may not be aware of is that I am also hypermobile or “double jointed”.  Between the two, I finally figured out that I am doing too much yoga for ME.  Of course as I age, the hypermobility has decreased some, but it still has given me problems.

In a nutshell hypermobility is the looseness of the joints.  As a kid, this was a really cool thing.  Even as an adult I still manage to have some fun with it but in doing yoga, it can produce some issues for those with this condition.  For example, in doing down dog or any of the warrior poses, I have a bad tendency of locking my knees.  That means they bend a little backwards and create what I “thought” was stability.  It’s not a bad thing but in doing yoga, you really need to pay attention to the way your joints and bones move.  They all work together and if your joints are locking up it puts your whole posture out of whack.

mechanical problems

diseases and conditions resulting in joint damage

brain, nerve, and muscle disorders that damage nerves, tendons, and muscles

bone fusions

Are There Any Baby Health Conditions That Might Affect Its Use And Success

If your little one has any specific physical conditions such as ‘clicky’ hips, reflux or congenital disorders do consult your health visitor or GP before trying baby yoga. The great thing about baby yoga is that you can just take it to the level that both you and your baby feel comfortable with – it is not a competition! So just do the bits that work for your baby, stretching the parts of their body that are safe to be exercised. 

When your baby is or if they have recently had injections, be aware that they may be extra sensitive. In some instances baby yoga can be a good distraction for your baby, helping them to cope with these experiences. However, some babies may not enjoy doing baby yoga at this time. Your baby will make it clear if they are not enjoying it so always be aware and in tune with the signals they are giving off and react accordingly.  

Read more: How yoga can help keep pregnant woman and new mums stress-free

Baby Yoga Can Give You Better Rest Increased Flexibility And A Happy Baby

After nine long months, you’re delighted to have a sweet baby to cuddle and love. But a new baby means a new schedule, and you may find yourself with less time to focus on your health. It’s important to find an exercise regimen that is gentle enough for your body but is also challenging and exciting.

Whether you’re new to yoga or were a committed participant before you had your child, baby yoga is an excellent way to get you on a structured postnatal wellness path. “We recommend baby yoga for anyone who is looking for a healthy, playful bonding activity to do with a new baby,” says Lauren Chaitoff, co-owner of New York City children’s yoga studio Yogi Beans and contributor to .

Check out these nine reasons to do baby-centric yoga that will have you and baby feeling great in no time! 

It’s a Great Bonding Experience With Your BabyMom and baby programs focus on both of you. “We modify traditional yoga poses so that moms can practice yoga while holding and rocking their babies,” states Laura DeNino, baby yoga instructor at the Yoga House of Charleston. The result is time dedicated to bonding. 

You’ll Be Able to Ease Back Into YogaUnlike high-level adult yoga classes, child yoga acknowledges the changes that a new mom’s body has been through. You’ll work with your recovering and changing body instead of against it. 

So grab that yoga mat and find a baby yoga class near you. Your body and your baby will thank you! 

Care directory

What Is Container Baby Syndrome And Do I Really Have To Worry About It

All parents need a safe spot to put their babies down. But is there such a thing as too much time in a bouncer seat or activity centre?

July 7, 2021

Photo: iStock/Fly View Productions

The inverted metal V in the middle of my living room separated my life as a parent into two eras: the before-Jolly Jumper times, and after. Before-JJ, I bounced my colicky baby on a yoga ball for hours, cramming granola bars in my mouth with one hand. Post-JJ , I could sit and enjoy a whole sandwich while his delight at moving his own body beamed straight into my heart. These short breaks played a huge part in bolstering my mental health as a new mom.

Before long, though, guilt would start chipping away at my bliss. Yes, my friends and I cheekily called these types of products, especially Exersaucers or activity centres, “circles of neglect” . Despite the jokes, I knew I shouldn’t leave my son in the jumper for very long—it wasn’t good for his little body, I’d heard. But how long was too long? Would five more minutes spell disaster?

Stephanie So, a paediatric physiotherapist at Pediatric Physiotherapy Associates in Scarborough, Ont., who’s been advising parents on kids and healthy movement for more than 30 years, isn’t sure what to make of the label—“It sounds a bit negative,” she says—but she is aligned with the idea that parents need to be aware of the importance of offering infants safe opportunities to move freely and practise new skills, like rolling and crawling. 

Have You Ever Downplayed A Dream Did You Tell Your Friends Your Family

Here’s the thing: your dreams DO matter. How are they ever going to come true if you pretend they are not important?

In today’s episode, Rachel shares her own intimate dream. It is one that may not be possible for so many reasons, but by speaking her dream out loud, she just may be bringing herself one step closer to manifesting it.

Let today’s vulnerable sharing be a reminder that you can dream, too. You can get your hopes up. You can believe in the possibility of beautiful outcomes. You are a constituent of this universe, so you get a say in what happens!

Tune in to dream big and shout from the rooftops exactly what it is you want – the universe will be listening.

Baby Yoga: 10 Reasons You & Your Newborn Should Consider Practicing

Doing Yoga with your baby has a lot of health benefits, and there are many reasons why you should give it a try.

Yoga: the great mind, body, and spirit connective activity. Despite yoga being very popular, many are unaware that those invaluable connections can be explored outside of one’s inner self. In fact, mothers who practice yoga with their newborns can experience an entirely new type of connection among a variety of other great and positive benefits.

RELATED: 15 Moms Who Should’ve NEVER Worn Yoga Pants

In addition to getting comfortable in one’s new mom role, moms are often trying to get comfortable in their new mom’s body and get adjusted to their new mom hours. There is a pretty good chance yoga can help with all of that. Read on for more ways to get that mom and baby  on.

Top 5 Reasons Why Baby Yoga Is A Must Do For You And Your Baby

A lot of mums and dads think that baby yoga is mum and bub yoga. Well I’m here to dispel that myth and give you 5 very good reasons as to why it’s important for your baby.

A lot of yoga studios do mums and bubs yoga. Parents attend because they think it’s baby yoga and then are very disappointed because the emphasis is on the mum or dad. It’s just a yoga class that invites babies along and has nothing to do with true baby yoga. Yes it’s still very good for you as a parent but what does it do for your baby? Not very much.I can understand that disappointment. You were promised one thing and got something else entirely. And I’m all about the baby and the relationship building between parent and baby.

I’ve done my research, as always! And there are very few true Baby Yoga studio classes. One other that I know of is at Yoganic at Willoughby … http://www.birthlight.com/page/birthlight-australia-centre

They are the official Birthlight Yoga training affiliate where I did my Baby Yoga Diploma last year … http://www.birthlight.com/page/baby-yoga and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fBp3noYlyg

Babies are rocked and touched in utero and baby yoga looks at recreating that special bond and movement that was experienced previously. After birth, gentle movement and touch together are the basis of synesthesia . It is the way babies bring together their sensory experiences in a general way through an emotional interaction with their parents or carers. So what are the benefits of any yoga? 

Baby Neck Strengthening Exercises And Tummy Exercises

When it comes to baby exercises, neck strengthening and tummy time are key. “Babies spend so much time on their backs early in life that spending time on their belly is important to build strength in different positions,” says Sarah Johnson, PT, DPT, a pediatric physical therapist at Riley Children’s Health. “Developing the back, core and neck strength creates the building blocks babies will need to progress in their development of gross motor skills such as crawling, sitting up and eventually walking.” These allow baby to start supporting themselves and explore the world around them.

During tummy exercises and any baby exercises, also be sure to supervise at all times. When it comes to baby tummy exercises, don’t force baby. Start with just three to five minutes a day and gradually increase from there.

Is There Such Thing As Perfect Alignment In Asana

There isn’t, bodies are all different, but I do think there is a safe alignment and that is important to avoid injury. For ex if the pose asks you to bind and when you bind you get all twisted/bent in an unhealthy way, then modify by using a strap or skip the bind completely as long as you’re keeping the twisting motion, to the degree your body allows.

I also like to think of the “intention” of the pose, what I should aim I focus on . Here’s an example of breaking down a pose by its intentions https://www.yoganatomy.com/triangle-and-revolved-triangle-pose/

About The Instructor: Elizabeth Rudzki Green Ms

Elizabeth earned a Masters in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University of Maryland before returning to Pittsburgh, where she is thrilled to share her passion for yoga with her community. Elizabeth lives in Squirrel Hill and is married to her high school sweetheart. They welcomed Stella Marie into their lives in April 2013 and stay busy with 2 dogs, a cat and making their house a home. Elizabeth completed her 200 hour yoga certification through South Hills Power Yoga and is grateful to help others create flexibility of body and mind.

Hatha Yoga Guide: Science Benefits And Insights

In this comprehensive guide to the fundamentals of hatha yoga, yogi and mystic introduces us to this phenomenal science. In a series of articles, he corrects many misunderstandings about the process and explores how we can reap the maximum benefits hatha yoga has to offer.

The body is a very large part of who you are right now. The science of using the body to hasten your evolutionary process is hatha yoga. The body itself has its own attitudes, its own ego, its own nature. Let us say you decided, “Starting tomorrow, I will get up at five in the morning and go for a walk.” You set the alarm. The alarm rings. You want to get up, but your body says, “Shut up and sleep.” It has its own way, doesn’t it? Hatha yoga is a way of working with the body, a way of disciplining, purifying and preparing the body for higher levels of energy and possibilities.

Finding A Mother And Baby Yoga Class Near You

Baby yoga is really safe and easy to do in the comfort of your own home if you don’t feel like attending a class; all you need is a warm, safe and calm environment. Place a non-slip towel or yoga mat down on a clear space of floor and you and your little one are good to go! 

If you feel nervous about doing baby yoga for the first time on your own, then why not enrol in a local class to gain confidence. These will usually be run by baby yoga instructors. A quick Google search of mother and baby yoga classes near me will help you find one close by. 

However, if your baby is healthy and there are no known issues which could affect their enjoyment then you should feel empowered to go ahead!  This is a big workout for your little one, so go gently at first, reading your baby’s reaction and mood with every step. 

It Promotes Bonding Between You And Your Baby

The number one reason why baby yoga works so well for parents and their babies is that it strengthens the child-parent bond. After all, you’re in physical contact with your baby for most of the session. Given how busy modern schedules are, taking care of your baby can sometimes feel rushed because you’re juggling it with other items in your to-do list, but doing baby yoga allows you to slow down and spend time mindfully with your baby.

At the same time, babies need a lot of affectionate touch, especially from their parents and caregivers, and they can miss out on it when they’re always in strollers. Since baby yoga requires you to hold your baby a lot while paying careful attention, you deepen your bond and become more attuned to your baby’s body language and cues. After spending so much time in the womb, which is dark and enclosed, babies can become more comfortable with the outside world with the guided sensory stimulation from baby yoga.

It Gives You The Chance To Meet Other Parents

Baby yoga classes are only for parents and their babies, so you’ll be with people who can relate with what you’re going through. Some classes even encourage a certain theme or facilitate discussions about parenting, so it’s easy to start conversations and meet other parents. You can even hang around after the class to socialise.

Another great thing about baby yoga is that it provides a supportive, non-competitive environment where you won’t feel pressured and you can speak up about your concerns. In fact, it’s usually okay to stop or go out in the middle of the class to change your baby’s nappies, and you don’t have to feel self-conscious about your baby crying. Of course, your baby also gets to meet and interact with the other babies there!

Climbing Stairs For A Toddler Is No Mean Feat

To understand the full impact of how much effort a small child needs to exert to climb stairs imagine you, yourself, are a little toddler again and you want to climb your first stairs. Put the situation into proportion: those first steps you climbed were giant steps, reaching up as far as your thigh!

Could you do that today? Climbing thigh-high steps requires humongous effort from the thigh muscles. Try climbing stairs, three or four steps at a time!

Learning To Move Is Not That Easy For A Baby

From birth on, all humans embark upon a long and intense period of physical training comparable to the intensity of the training of an athlete. We all know and accept the fact that the movement vocabulary, fitness level, and endurance of children by far exceed the physical capabilities of adults, but why should this be so? In so-called “primitive” or non-urbanized societies this is not the case.

Baby Yoga What Is It And Why Should We Care

We explore the ins and outs of sharing a mat with your mini.

Melanie Dimmitt

When presented with the notion of yoga for babies, I scrutinized it as I would a designer diaper bag. A lovely idea, in theory, but do I really it? Amid the plethora of mommy-and-me offerings – music classes, French lessons, sign-language… even Salsa dancing – why choose yoga? Babies are naturally bendy, are they not? It isn’t called a ‘happy baby’ for nothing. However, on closer inspection, there’s more to baby yoga than child’s play .

First things first. What is it, exactly?

Baby yoga tends to mean one of two things – an adult yoga class that you bring baby along to, or yoga that is actually for your baby. In a parent-focused class, bub takes the role of spectator-slash-adorable-prop.

“The babies lie on a blanket in front of the parents’ yoga mat,” explains Neelu Shruti, of Love Child yoga studio in New York. “Throughout class, which includes upper body stretches and glute strengthening, we will include baby in poses such as ‘push-up kiss baby’, or hold baby while doing squats, lunges or abdominal exercises.”

Love Child studio’s Baby & Me Yoga class incorporates restorative poses and sequences well suited to new parents – so long as they’re okay with the occasional flow interruption and not-so-silent Savasana.

But there are, according to Neelu, ample reasons to abandon your landslide of laundry for a class such as this.

We’re listening.

Now… will a yoga mat fit in my new designer diaper bag?

Top Tips For Getting Started With Baby Yoga

Do your baby yoga routine when your baby appears active and is showing you they want to play and move. 

Do not do baby yoga if your baby is tired, hungry or has just been fed. Remember baby yoga is only beneficial for your baby if they are feeling happy and comfortable.

Don’t do baby yoga with your baby if you are feeling over-tired or uncomfortable yourself. Your baby may pick up on your signals and feel discouraged. 

Keep good eye contact with your baby as you do the moves. Really ‘tune in’ to your baby.  If you do this you can respond quickly to baby’s cues and check they are still enjoying themselves. 

Smile at your baby to give them reassurance.  

Never force the movements. If your baby is under five months they will have less range of movement at their shoulders, elbows, hips and knees compared with an older baby. Younger babies rely on this natural tightness to move, so it is important not to disrupt this. 

Start off with just a couple of repetitions, increasing length and duration as you learn together. 

Remember to show your baby how proud you are of their new skills! 

Ensure that your little one is wearing a well-fitting nappy such as Pampers Active Fit. This type of nappy will adapt to your baby’s movements because it has stretchier sides than ordinary nappies to help to keep your baby dry and protected no matter how much they move. 

Consult your health visitor or family GP if you have any specific concerns.

How To Learn Yoga From Your Baby Or Toddler

Juliette Kando is a dancer, choreologist, author on fitness and health, and Fellow of the Benesh Institute at the Royal Academy of Dance.

Happy-baby-pose also called Ananda balasana

Any parent who knows a little about yoga will agree that many of the movements made by babies and toddlers are very similar to yoga asanas. From a choreologist’s point of view this is not surprising since, upon analysis, yoga is very closely related to human movement development from birth onward.

This article explains the origins of human movement and demonstrates many naturally inborn baby and toddler yoga moves. While playing with your child you can copy those moves. Teat the child as your teacher. Together you can enjoy playing and discovering yoga as a fun and entertaining way to get fit.

Why Baby Yoga Classes Can Also Benefit Mom

Hopefully a little bit of a workout. Some yoga classes are gentle and/or focus a lot on playing games with the babies .

Classes at dedicated yoga studios tend to offer more workout and less playtime. There is often a focus on poses that help new moms relieve the strain of nursing and start to regain some abdominal strength.

Yoga Poses for Breastfeeding Moms

The ideal class from a mom’s perspective allows you to do as much yoga as possible while your baby isn’t upset. Because, let’s face it, your baby isn’t the one that needs this time and space to do yoga. You are.

You will also get out of the house to an environment that is not stressful where you will meet other new mothers. The value of connecting to this community should not be underestimated.

Is There Such A Thing As The Best Yoga Mat

Kate was looking for a new mat because hers was getting worn. The one she had was a lower quality, so it was beginning to tear in small areas. While it was nothing serious, she decided to begin looking for a better yoga mat. She was looking into many different websites and other resources to lean about how to find a good mat.

There are many different sizes and style of mats available nowadays, so Kate was having a little bit of a hard time deciding on just one. She wasn’t really sure where to go for the best prices, or best styles of many mats available.

So what are a few qualities that make a good mat?

•Shouldn’t be too hard or soft•Should have a side that is sticky•Length can vary •Price may be important to some people•Thickness should be at least 4 mm

Mats come in all sizes, designs and styles. Finding one that you think is the best is all up to you. There is no right or wrong mat. The first thing that you should look for in a yoga mat is comfort. Being comfortable with your mat is a big plus.

Mats usually have at least on sticky side. This helps to keep it in place and from sliding all over the place. As far as the length of the mat goes, this is another personal preference. Some prefer longer mats as you can move around more on them. These types are great for taller people.

Picking the best mat for you doesn’t need to be a chore. There are many sites that can help you find the best deals and mat just for you.

Limit Babys Activities To No More Than 15

Most yoga classes are between 45 minutes to an hour. That’s fine for mamas, but that length of time is too much for babies. While a baby is more than welcome to have some tummy time or sit and babble happily away while you perform additional, restorative or strength-building poses, your baby should only be actively doing yoga for 15 or 20 minutes. Anything more than that can overtax his/her already busy and developing body.

Why Do Children Love To Hang Upside Down

We always have a special treat at the end of a children’s ballet class. I, the teacher, pick up each child, by their ankles and hang them upside down; one at a time, of course. “Again, again!” they shout when they are upright again. Children often know instinctively what is good for their hard-working bodies.They love hanging upside down because it helps them stretch, relax and grow; it reverses gravity, takes the weight off their little growing bones.

How To Give A Mummy And Baby Yoga Class Charlie Stewart-Brown

Teaching a Mummy & Baby Yoga class is a joy for a yoga teacher, but more importantly for the mum and baby.  It’s a wonderful activity for them to do together and a lovely opportunity for them to bond in a different environment.  I set up the first ever class of this type in Switzerland and it’s become increasingly popular across the country.

The mums get to know other mums in their area which is especially nice if it’s their first child or they’re expats living in a country away from their family and home friends.  It can be an especially difficult and lonely time for mothers who work and are on maternity leave, who often struggle with their change in identity, productivity and even boredom.  Mummy & Baby Yoga classes are a great opportunity to socialize with other women in the same boat and do an activity for themselves, without having to pay for childcare.  More often than not the mums in my classes would go for a coffee together afterwards and the babies became friends too!  The babies are fascinated by one another and it’s beautiful to watch them develop more and more each week and start interacting together.

The Yoga Instructor Should Be Certified

Certifications and credentials are always a good thing to verify when trusting your well-being – and your baby’s – to someone else’s expertise. However, yoga certification should be an essential “prerequisite” before enrolling in a class. 

First and foremost, the instructor should be trained and experienced in teaching parent-and-baby classes, understanding which postures and holds are safe, and which aren’t, to keep your baby safe. Your safety is also a priority. Your connective tissue is still very elastic from the hormonal changes that took place to accommodate pregnancy, labor and delivery. Postnatal classes should support that, keeping you safe from stretches or postures that could lead to potential strain or injury. 

If you find out your baby isn’t as into the classes as you are and you opt to take a yoga class on your own, make sure to inform the instructor you are XX weeks postpartum as s/he will probably amend certain poses for you until you’re body is further along in its recovery.

Playing With Your Child At Ground Level

Instead of sweating it out at the gym, why not just play with your child at ground level in a physical conversation to discover three things:

Babies and little children can teach us the basics of yoga.

Children prove the benefits of hanging upside down.

Your body has done all this before.

As soon as you start learning yoga from your child the muscular system begins to remember long forgotten moves from the days you yourself were a baby, then a toddler, exploring the wonders of human movement capabilities. How blissful was this very short pre-school time, before you, like all other children in formal education, were told to “sit still and behave.” From then on we all became bound for life to chairs, tables, and desks. Here is a unique opportunity to re-live that wonderful youthful, carefree and happy time with your baby or toddler.

Benefits Of Postpartum Yoga For Mothers

It helps ease new parent jitters. Get started by attending a class taught by a trained instructor — it’s a safe and structured way to engage with your baby.

It’s a little TLC for your body. Any kind of yoga gives you an opportunity to nourish and care for your body through focused stretches and mindful breathing exercises, which is especially important after carrying a baby for nine months and then giving birth!

It stretches and strengthens the muscles that need the most TLC. The gentle movements and mindful breathing that are integral to yoga boost abdominal strength and activate the pelvic floor muscles, which aids recovery from giving birth, while classic poses — from upward facing dog to cobra — help open up the shoulders and chest you rely on for all of the rocking and cradling you do in the first few months with your baby.

It helps you meet new moms. After baby is born, you might not have as much time for socializing. But it’s reassuring to talk to other mothers who are going through the same experiences as you are. Yoga class provides a safe and nurturing environment for new parents to discuss worries and concerns. You’re not alone!  

It helps you and your new baby bond. Yoga is a healthy, playful activity you can enjoy together. 

Is There Such A Thing As A Yoga Expert

I was speaking recently with some yoga colleagues and interestingly, we had all shared a similar experience:

the experience of ‘discovering’ something in our practice and then at some point being in a class where the teacher taught ‘our’ discovery,

of realizing that we had actually been taught that so-called discovery a hundred times before, but just didn’t ‘hear’ it!

I found it quite amusing that this was such a common experience. When I reflected on why, the following 2 thoughts came to mind…

So much is conveyed in a class that I think because it means the learning never stops.

In my opinion, there is no such thing as a yoga expert. BKS Iyengar teaches to approach the mat each day ‘as a beginner’. I understand this to mean that no matter how much progress I’ve made, knowledge I’ve gained, classes I’ve taught, there is always the potential to learn more, to delve deeper. As the asanas penetrate, I change. And as a result of that change, I’m forever a beginner learning to understand my state of being . While not easily embraced, I believe this process to be humility at its best.

So why do I blog about yoga?

Despite not being a yoga expert, I blog. Should I? I don’t know, but upon reflection I think my intentions can be summed up in 4 main points:

I blog to share my passion for Iyengar Yoga with others and hopefully ignite a spark that might lead others to their own mat.

Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Yoga

I don’t know why I was surprised that there was two yoga classes a day, during my week long yoga retreat in Mexico. It was a friggin’ yoga retreat!! The classes were wonderful, but I was a little bored. Why did I go? Someone had put it on my to-do list. Oh, yeah, that was me. Once it’s on there, it’s on there.

Haramara Retreat has no electricity, no internet and you can’t flush your used toilet paper. Simply throw it in the wastepaper basket and call it a day. I found this curiously fun. It did take a couple of, “Oh, crap, I put it in the toilet.” I was afraid that the retreat police was going to knock on my hand-built, environmentally-conscious cabana door and put me in a time out. Or worse, make me fish the toilet paper out of the bowl.

We had fresh, local, organic food and fruit I’d never heard of. There were unpaved trails, a private beach with climbing rocks, an infinity pool overlooking the Pacific Ocean and really stupid sand crabs. The crabs would climb, or rather side shimmy, up the tropical hillside and then die. Weren’t they going in the wrong direction? Every night, walking back to our rustic and built without machinery, cabanas, we’d step over dead crabs in the path.

The ocean was rough and loud, which lulled me to sleep each night.

I loved the open air shower, with its unobstructed view of the ocean. I didn’t worry about my hair clogging the drain because there wasn’t a drain. My strands gracefully and peacefully became one with the jungle.

Baby Exercises To Get Your Baby Moving

When you think about exercise, you wouldn’t tell babies to drop and give you 20. But the Society of Health and Physical Educators recommends that all children up to age 5 do some kind of physical activity every day. And yes, that means babies too. Baby exercises are an important part of infant development. Infant exercise can help strengthen baby’s neck, help develop their hand-eye coordination and help baby learn to walk. So where do you start? From strengthening to baby yoga exercises, it’s time to get baby pumped to move with these baby exercises.

In this article:Baby hand-eye coordination exercises

What Does This Mean For Yoga Teachers

So here’s the big question: What does this mean for you when working with a student who has had a hip replacement?

Proper exercise after surgery can reduce stiffness and increase flexibility and muscle strength, so yoga is a good thing for this condition. But how much and how soon are dependent on many factors such as physical health before the surgery and presence of chronic conditions that may affect the speed of healing. In the past this surgery was reserved mostly for older patients, as artificial hips didn’t last as long as they do now, and having a repeat hip replacement is possible but not desirable. But as technology has improved, so has the number of years the prosthetic parts can be relied upon to serve their purpose. So now it is more common to see hip replacements in younger people, who may be in better overall physical condition and who will heal faster.

So what restrictions should students with THR follow and for how long? The answer is, it depends. The goal is to avoid disturbing the healing process after surgery, and once healed, to preserve the function and integrity of the artificial joint for as many years as possible. Total rehabilitation after surgery will take at least six months for most people.

So when a student tells you they have a hip replacement, first, ask how long ago the surgery was, and whether their procedure was the anterior or posterior approach.

Getting The Word Out About Your Class

Feel free to leave a comment or let me know how it goes if you set up your own Mummy & Baby Yoga classes.  For any question, please join and post your question on the Facebook group:  Yoga Teachers Advice Forum and you will get advice from myself and over 130 yoga teachers worldwide.

Take care and breathe deep.

Standing Walking Climbing And Running

Before a baby learns how to stand upright to walk, it has to perform thousands of deep squats, most of which fail and end up plonking their butt on the floor. A nine-month-old little athlete grunts and puffs for strength to get up and to find balance.

They never give up until they can walk, run, skip, and jump. Why does this drive for moving ever have to stop?

It Eases Tension And Gets You Moving

As a parent, baby yoga will also be beneficial for you! Baby yoga is still a type of yoga, so you’ll experience a lot of the usual perks associated with regular yoga classes. Through the modified poses and guided breathing, you’ll be able to relax more, sleep better, and let go of tension. If you’re consistently putting your baby’s needs first before your own, you have to practice self-care too so you won’t experience burnout. 

While both mums and dads can do baby yoga, some classes cater specifically to mums, offering postnatal exercises that put them back on track with their fitness. Since a mother’s body has gone through plenty of changes recently, these classes emphasise muscles such as the pelvic floor, back, and tummy. Aside from easing back pain and speeding up recovery, baby yoga can guide mums into building up strength and flexibility again.

It Helps With Your Babys Development

The most obvious impact of baby yoga is that your baby becomes more at ease with their body. Baby yoga serves as both exercise and play for them. Not only do babies love being lifted and stretched in the right way, they pick up better body coordination too with baby yoga. For example, when you lay your baby on their tummy, neck and upper body strength become enhanced, so it’s good to put your baby in different positions. Exercises where babies cross their arms or feet over the midline of their body can even contribute to brain development

Whatever stage of life we’re in, stimulation is necessary for us to grow and develop and it’s the same for babies. A baby yoga class offers variations in movement, visuals, and even sounds. Because they’re in a controlled environment, babies become better at processing different stimuli without being overwhelmed. Beyond body awareness, they also form a better sense of the physical space around them.

There Is No Such Thing As A Due Date

Us women are impatient creatures at times. The most frustrating part of pregnancy is probably the ‘due date’ wait. To be given a date of when to expect to be holding your baby in your arms, is asking for stress levels to rise and frustration to build! Imagine being told you’ll win the lottery on the 1st March, to then wake up and realise it ain’t happening. All of that excitement to get to this one date, and it came and went in a flash with no prize!

What we need to remember is that these ‘dates’ are based on every woman having 28 day cycles and conceiving their baby on the 14th day of that cycle. It’s also assuming that all women have the exact same length of pregnancies and all babies are ready on the exact day too. Basically, it’s an estimate. A very rough estimate. For labour to begin remember, our minds and our bodies need to feel calm, happy, safe and relaxed. Spend time doing things that make you feel wonderful – watching your wedding video, browsing old photos, going to your favourite restaurant, watching The Notebook… if your body sense stress of any kind , it’ll keep your baby in longer!

Breathe in, breathe out, and let your body do it’s thing. And if it’s not too late already, don’t tell people your ‘due date’! ?

Which Gravity Inversion Table To Get

I recommend the Teeter Inversion Table because after all these years of using cheaper models I have come to the conclusion that my current Teeter Inversion Table is the easiest to assemble and to use, with the most sensitivity for balance, without jerking as most of the others did. The Teeter is also the most comfortable on the ankles for prolonged use.

What Do We Wear And Take To A Class

Parents and babies should both wear loose, comfortable clothes that are easy to move around in. Jogging bottoms, loose t-shirts or vest tops are ideal.

For babies, I would recommend a sleepsuit with a short-sleeved vest underneath. Sleepsuits are comfortable and easy to whip off when needed.

During the baby massage you will have to take off the sleepsuit, hence the need for a vest. Some babies don’t mind being only in a nappy, whereas others hate it. Both of mine did when I took them to massage classes!

Most classes will tell you what to bring when you book a place, but a towel and/or a yoga mat will most likely be necessary. Some classes will provide the mat depending on where you go.

Many classes take place in a village hall or similar, where the floor can be cold and hard, so a mat is essential. Having somewhere warm and soft to lie your baby down is vital. Babies won’t relax if they’re not comfortable.

I’d also recommend bringing some water. It looks like gentle exercise and it can be taken slowly. However if you’re a newbie or trying to get in shape again, it’s going to take you a little while to get back into things!

Exploring The Benefits Of Baby Yoga

Beate ChungCertified Yoga Instructor

Beate has taught yoga as a certified instructor in the US for over 7 years then she moved to Taiwan in 2010 to open her first yoga studio.

Baby yoga doesn’t seem to be as familiar a term as yoga itself, but more and more parents are seeing the benefits of yoga as a form of exercise that can help them bond with their little one while promoting the development of their babies’ gross and fine motor skills. This practice comes with many physiological benefits. It also improves social interactions among new parents and their babies. Let’s have a look at the benefits of Baby Yoga!

What Are The Benefits Of Baby Yoga

Baby yoga mixes physical touch with emotional contact and movement. The meaningful touch and play used in baby yoga gently encourages your little ones to enjoy and explore their newfound skills as they start to progress and move in different ways. Even if you only do it for 5-10 minutes at a time you will really notice the benefits such as bond and communication.

For Your Baby Stretch Sense Sleep

Babies are extremely limber and this dexterity can help them perform basic yoga poses with ease. Obviously, the stretches are guided by an instructor or the parents. Yoga can help the baby sleep in more regular intervals, and the stretching and posing foster the baby’s gross and fine motor development. The practice has also been found to be effective in promoting better digestion, preventing constipation and relieving colic in infants.

For Yourself Touch Attach Connect

Aside from the physiological benefits, baby yoga fosters deeper emotional attachments between the parent and the baby. Throughout the exercises, the parent holds and touches the baby and the sedation of touch helps strengthen paternal or maternal bonds. The sensation of touch also promotes circulation, which gives both the parent and infant feelings of calm and relaxation. Parents who enroll in baby yoga classes are also given the opportunity to socialize with other mothers and fathers and discuss “new parents’ stuff”. The classes are also great places for babies to interact with other infants for the first time.

Is It Safe To Do Yoga With My Baby

There are so many reasons why doing yoga with your baby is a fantastic idea. In addition to getting you out of the house and into the world of mamas who are on the same journey as you, taking a Mommy-and-Me type yoga class is a sweet way to bond with your baby outside the confines of the normal daily routine. 

Additionally, yoga is a safe, healthy way to speed up your postpartum recovery. It strengthens core and pelvic muscles, and rebuilds strength, flexibility, and balance in your post-pregnancy body.

That said, safety is always always the top priority for you and your baby. Check in with your OB before signing up for a class. Most physicians recommend postpartum moms wait at least six to eight weeks before getting back into an exercise routine, and you may need to wait longer than that depending on your labor and postpartum recovery process.

Yoga safe and fun to do with your baby as long as you adhere to the following conditions:

Benefits For Both Baby And Parent

I noticed my daughter often has a great lunchtime nap after baby yoga practice. This used to happen after a baby massage class too so it didn’t surprise me to learn they share many of the same benefits, including promoting restful sleep through active play. I asked my baby yoga teacher Sam, from Vital Cores in London, what the other main benefits of baby yoga are:

Strengthening parent and baby bonding through interaction and touch

Mobilising the baby’s hip and shoulder joints

Activating and stimulating vestibular system

Strengthening the baby’s essential neck and core muscles

Developing the baby’s language skills through singing

Aiding digestion by relieving constipation and trapped wind

Toning the baby’s digestive system

For me, another huge benefit to attending baby yoga classes is the social aspect of meeting other Mums and babies. It also helps add some more structure to the day and gives me something different to do with my baby. In the classes I attended, each week there was a different theme so even with set routines to follow it still felt new and entertaining.

Baby yoga is suitable for 12-week old babies until they are pre-walking. We started them when my daughter was around four months old and have continued to do so every week since. The classes are currently moved online due to social distancing measures and this has worked just as well, giving us more positive things to do from the home.

Origin Of Human Movement Behavior

The development of human motion in a Darwinian sense began from

climbing trees to standing, to cave dwelling and

running upright to escape from predators

while carrying a baby or a weapon

Evolving this way, humans developed quite a unique and technically challenging vocabulary of movement. Re-learning kids moves helps to become agile and comfortable at all levels of action. Be it squatting, crawling, climbing or hanging, jumping or running. Coincidentally or possibly devised by really wise people, many yoga asanas represent basic positions needed to achieve such a rich movement vocabulary that small children possess naturally. The amazing thing is that kids do it automatically and with great ease. It may be time for us to find our physical inner child?

What a big heavy head the baby has to learn to carry!

What Age Can You Start Baby Yoga

The best time to start is probably after your baby is 6 weeks old, once you have had your check and the baby has better neck control to keep them safe. By then you will also likely have more confidence. Always look at your little one to check their reaction and to ensure you are doing things they enjoy, it is all about really simple yoga stretches, not complex moves. If you have any concerns at all then consult your health visitor or GP.

It Enhances Your Babys Wellbeing

The movements in a baby yoga class are specifically designed to enhance your baby’s wellbeing. Babies find repetitive movements soothing, and their cortisol levels—or the amount of stress hormone in their body—naturally go down, resulting in a stronger immune system. As a result, babies aren’t as prone to strong ups or downs and crying fits, and they can fall asleep more easily, meaning more time for you to rest! Some poses can even improve digestion, so you might notice that your baby has fewer issues with colic or wind after a baby yoga class.

When Should We Start Baby Yoga

You can start baby yoga as soon as you like. It really depends on when you feel ready, especially if you’re a mum who has just given birth.

Ideally wait until your six week check-up so your GP can give you the all clear for exercising. This is important if you’ve had a C-section, or have had any postnatal complications.

Dads can take their babies whenever they like – there’s no reason to wait. It can really help dads and their babies to bond, particularly if mum is breastfeeding.

Will Your Baby Like Yoga Class

This depends a lot on the personality of the baby. Some delight in the new sights and stimulation of the classroom environment and are perfectly content to look around and take it all in. Others are freaked out by the very same stimulations and may cry a lot at first. They may eventually get used to it, so don’t give up if the first class doesn’t go well. A few babies may snooze through the whole thing.

Is Baby Yoga Actually A Thing

Baby yoga is pretty much what it sounds like – yoga with our babies. It’s much gentler and slower compared to traditional yoga. A lot of the moves are adapted for, or to do with, babies.

You don’t need to know anything about yoga to take part in a baby yoga class – you just need a baby!

It can be a very relaxing experience for the two of you as doing gentle exercise, such as yoga, releases endorphins. These hormones encourage happiness and more love for your baby.

This can help with bonding, which is particularly great for dads. Attending a class can also help you to meet like-minded parents in your area – something which can be difficult when you’re a parent!

Try A Nearby Baby Yoga Class

Make sure to do baby yoga in a class with a trained and certified instructor rather than on your own. Keeping your baby safe and secure is a priority, and a proper baby yoga teacher will let you know about important body mechanics, such as keeping your baby’s head supported if they’re less than six months old.

Once you do find the right baby yoga class, you and your baby might enjoy it so much that you’ll be really excited for the next session! Baby yoga brings the benefits of yoga to both you and your baby, and you’ll feel the difference right after.

A Tutorial For Yoga Teachers

Have you ever had a student come to your class, having recently had a total hip replacement, and tell you her doctor gave her no restrictions in movement whatsoever, encouraging her to do whatever she likes? It can and does happen — and you’re right if you’re suspicious as to whether the doctor is giving correct advice.

But are you prepared to help such people participate in your class safely? I hope in this article to help you do exactly that.

Anatomy Of A Hip Replacement

First, I’d like to take you through some basic hip anatomy, and acquaint you with how the joint is actually replaced.

In recent years, there have been advances in the way total hip replacements are being done. A significantly different approach now coexists with the earlier approach, with the result that we yoga teachers need to know more about hip replacements than we used to need to know. In particular, we need to revise the precautions that we have been offering to yoga students who have undergone this orthopedic surgery.

The following illustration and explanation will help you understand what hip replacement is all about:

A total hip replacement is a cup-shaped indentation in the pelvis.

During hip replacement surgery, the head of the femur is removed and replaced with a metal ball set on a stem. The stem is inserted into the canal of the femur. It may be fixed in place with cement, or the stem may be designed for placement without bone cement. The socket is sanded down to healthy bone, and a plastic cup or socket is held in place with screws and/or bone cement.

Hatha Yoga Prepares The Body

Another aspect of hatha yoga, when one wants to move into deeper dimensions of meditation, is that it allows for a higher possibility of energy. If you want your energies to surge upwards, it is very important that the pipeline of the body is conducive. If it is blocked, it will not work, or else, something will burst. Preparing the body sufficiently before one goes into more intense forms of meditation is very important. Hatha yoga ensures that the body takes it gently and joyfully.

Today, the hatha yoga that people are learning is not in its classical form, not in its full depth and dimension. Largely the “studio yoga” that you are seeing today is unfortunately just the physical aspect of it. Just teaching the physical aspect of yoga is like having a stillborn baby. That is not only no good, it is a tragedy. If you want a live process, it needs to be taught in a certain way.

Hatha yoga does not mean twisting your body, standing on your head, or holding your breath. There was a time when I was personally teaching hatha yoga as a two-day program. People would burst with joy; tears of ecstasy would flow simply doing asanas. That is the way yoga needs to be done. Unfortunately, the hatha yoga in the world today brings peace for some, is healthful for others is and a painful circus for many.

More Energy While Parenting

Although it may not seem that way initially, additional exercise does actually provide the body with more energy. While getting your parenting on, get more energy to continue parenting later, because as we know, it is a 24-hour job by exploring poses and ways to alleviate stress through yoga.

The best part? You get to do it all with your little one. Mommy and me yoga helps mom prepare for the rest of her day and gives that added energetic boost she needs.

Yoga For Babies: Is It Safe

27 February 2012

They may not be able to walk or talk, but they have no problem arching their bodies into the downward dog pose. Yes, toddlers and babies are doing yoga — studios now offer classes for kids as young as 6 weeks old.

Yoga advocates say the classes can help parents and infants bond, and promote development of motor skills. And just as yoga helps adults become more aware of their bodies, yoga can help parents become attuned to their babies wants and needs, said Helen Garabedian, founder of the Itsy Bitsy Yoga, a yoga studio for babies and kids, and author of books by the same name.

Doctors say , like any movement, can be beneficial for babies, but parents need to take precautions to do it safely.

Yoga poses

Garabedian started her yoga practice for babies, toddlers and kids in 1999, as a way to share yoga with her own children and bring like-minded parents together. One pose called “baby planet” involves a parent lifting a baby’s arms to her side as the baby lies on her back, and then bringing her arms to her chest. A pose called corkscrew, which Garabedian says aids digestion, involves placing the baby on his back and slowly rotating his thighs with your forefingers.

Toddlers can try the “down dog” — in which the hands and feet remain on the floor while the hips are elevated. There is also the “up dog,” in which the child lies down on her belly, then lifts her head and chest by extending her arms out straight, and resting on her palms.

Yoga risks

Benefits Of Yoga For Babies

Helps develop motor and sensory skills. The simple stretches and poses can help your baby gain self and environmental awareness. Of course your baby doesn’t need to be running marathons right out of the womb — but experts believe that early activity can help your little one develop voluntary movements, which can build a strong foundation for sports, dance and exercise later on in adulthood.

Aids in digestion. Apanasana, or knees-to-chest pose, has been shown to alleviate constipation, gas pains and .  

Promotes better sleep. Although it’s not guaranteed, some parents report their babies sleep better after attending baby yoga classes.

The Science Of Hatha Yoga

Hatha yoga is not exercise. Understanding the mechanics of the body, creating a certain atmosphere, and then using body postures to drive your energy in specific directions is what hatha yoga or are about. “Asana” means a “posture.” That kind of posture which allows you to reach your higher nature is a yogasana. There are other dimensions to this, but to put it in the simplest way, just by observing the way someone is sitting, you can almost know what is happening with him, if you have known him long enough. If you have observed yourself, when you are angry, you sit one way; if you are happy, you sit another way; if you are depressed, you sit another way. For every different level of consciousness or mental and emotional situation that you go through, your body naturally tends to assume certain postures. The converse of this is the science of asanas. If you consciously get your body into different postures, you can elevate your consciousness.

There are thousands of people who have come out of spinal problems by doing simple asanas. Doctors had told them they would definitely have to go through a surgery, but they never had to. Your back can be restored to such an excellent condition that you will never need to go to a chiropractor. It is not only your spine that becomes flexible; you also become flexible. Once you are flexible, you are willing to listen, not just to someone’s talk; you are willing to listen to life. Learning to listen is the essence of a sensible life.

Details Of The Procedure

Want to get a look at how this procedure is done? Well, don’t get your own hip replaced unless you need to. Instead, go to the following website to try your hand at being a virtual surgeon by replacing a hip with the traditional “posterior” approach: www.edheads.org/activities/hip/

It is quite a fun and enlightening exercise. Don’t worry if you are squeamish; it is animated so there’s minimal blood and guts. The best thing is, nobody gets hurt even if you mess up!

In traditional hip replacement surgery, surgeons access the joint area through the upper thigh, either through the lateral , this is called posterior hip replacement.

Contrast that with a newer surgical approach: anterior hip replacement, which is gaining popularity because it spares the muscles and allows quicker recovery time. This procedure is performed with the patient lying on his or her back on a specially designed surgical table. This position lets the surgeon access the joint from the front of the hip area without surgically detaching any muscles. Instead, the hip joint is reached through naturally occurring openings between the muscles.

Photo of hana® Orthopedic Surgical Table is from mizuhosi.com/profx.cfm, used with permission from the manufacturer

As you can see from the above photo of positioning on the special table used for the anterior approach, the hip is placed in extension for the procedure.

[afreakingdork]

Review: Resident Evil Village

So, just to set the stage here. I’m obsessed with Resident Evil 7: Biohazard. I first played it when I was home sick and beat it within two days. I then immediately replayed it to go through the Zoe ending which, in retrospect, might not have been worth it. I then followed through my partner’s playthrough which I tangentially refer to as me playing through it and, finally, I replayed it in preparation for Village. I just love everything about it. I love the enclosed space of the Baker estate, I love the characters, and I even love the story despite the many silly plot holes. Keeping that in mind, I found Village to be alright. I was not immune to the big lady hype. I was really excited to be back as Ethan. If we’re talking about my playthrough specifically, I found starting the game to be a treasure. It really sets a great tone for the story and I loved seeing how everything had changed in three years with Mia and Ethan. My joy and curiosity were cut short when I got totally bodied by the lycans in the village. For whatever reason, I could not figure out that I was just supposed to run away from them and kept dying. It was so stressful I actually put the game down for a day after dying a few times because my nerves were shot. I moved through the game what I considered to be an average pace. I made sure to ‘turn’ all the rooms blue and my total run time ended up being just over 15 hours. Of that time, I probably spent at least 7 hours in Castle Dimitrescu, a little over an hour on each House Beneviento, Moreau’s Reservoir, and the Stronghold, and finally finishing pretty much a majority of the rest of the game at Heisenberg’s factory. 

Now that all the details of my gameplay are out of the way, my thoughts on the experience are below! 

Which brings me to my two biggest problems with the game; the first being pacing. The amount of time spent on Castle Dimitrescu vs. House Beneviento is staggering. I love House Beneviento. It’s the exact kind of enclosed space puzzles that I adored about Resi7. The baby is objectively one of the scariest things I’ve ever encountered in a video game and I was truly, heart racing, terrified playing it, but jumping into that after Castle Dimitrescu is a wild difference. Honestly, all four dominions don’t feel like they share the same game. There’s a wild tonality shift between each area that felt really disjointed. There’s also a ton of little nit-pick things I have, like why are pots breakable, but only at Castle Dimitrescu. I’m not talking about the item vases; I’m talking about regular pottery that can be broken in pretty much every room along with the windows. It’s so strange because every other area has the identical item crates so why is Castle Dimitrescu an exception? The assets for pottery from Castle Dimitrescu are used in other areas, but they are no longer breakable. It’s a weird consistency problem that just goes in line with the inconstant tone. 

I don’t know if this is common, but my other issue with the game is I genuinely believe that the game is out of order. I truly believe that they meant for Castle Dimitrescu to be the second to the last level, but after the Lady Dimitrescu hype, they moved her up in the game so everyone could experience her as soon as possible. Think about it; you spend hours wandering about Castle Dimitrescu and defeating the Lady all before you even get the dialogue from the Duke about who the four lords are and what they do. On your way out of Castle Dimitrescu you pick-up your first meat items before you’ve even unlocked Duke’s Kitchen. Resource-wise, House Beneviento and Moreau’s Resevoir have very few items to pick up in contrast with Castle Dimitrescu, which I posit is because they were meant to sequentially go first. The amount of ammo you pick up in Castle Dimitrescu is insane. It was so much, in fact, that a majority of the ammo I picked up in Castle Dimitrescu ended up not getting used until the Stronghold. From a visual standpoint, the Castle is such a visual focal point in the game, it seems wild to just knock it out and lock it up in the very beginning. Also, when you take into account the Castle’s logs about their Cadou experiments, they are the only location to not mention the Cadou. It’s almost as if they specifically had to take that phrase out, because you hadn’t learned what it was yet. You also don’t hear about Cadous in House Beneviento, but that makes more sense story-wise. As opposed to the other lords, Donna isn’t really experimenting on individuals with Cadous because she is instead experimenting with her hallucinatory power that was caused by the Cadou. The other lords are actively serving Mother Miranda by trying to create more viable subjects, while Donna is just mostly keeping to herself outside of the occasional overwhelming loneliness that pushes her to ‘call for playmates.’ My ideal order of the lords starts with Moreau because the Reservoir is the most linear of all the domains (and because I think blowing the House Beneviento load immediately would skew perception of what the game would be). You then tackle Beneviento next as a way to show the player how far this game’s reach can go. Then you enter the ever-looming Castle Dimitrescu and pick up all the details and ammo you need to then hit the Stronghold and then Heisenberg’s factory. Think about how well the game would have flowed, were you to just alter the order some. 

Outside of that, there are a ton of little gameplay aspects that are sloppy. When you switch between weapons, there is a roll animation that means 1. Ethan can have two right hands up at any given moment, or 2. Ethan can have 3 hands total if you switch from a one-handed weapon to a two-handed one. When you try to dock after using the boat, you have to wait for the sliding animation of the boat getting back to exactly the right position before you disembark. When you’re talking to Chris in Heisenberg’s factory the game has to cut to black to get Ethan to sit in a chair, when it didn’t have to do that when we were talking to Heisenberg when we first get to the factory. The button combination to block and then push back an enemy was extremely finicky if the enemy wasn’t in the 100% perfect position. There were so many times when I would block and then have the prompt pop-up to push back and I would execute and Ethan would just stand there because the enemy was, usually, too close to him, which is wild because you would think that’s exactly what you need to push them back. The sound effects are omnidirectional. What this means is that when Lady Dimitrescu is walking around it sounds like she is everywhere because no one programmed the sound to not go through the walls. This is something that is taken care of in Resi7 which makes it all the more baffling that it is not in 8. When I heard the growl of a lycan or the flapping of a samca I would spin around wildly because the sound was coming from all angles. It made especially the Stronghold super annoying to play.

This is a personal thing, but it really drove me crazy how many times Ethan just sat there and took attacks in cut scenes. So many times he was still holding a firearm in his right hand and doesn’t even try to aim while enemies (particularly Lady Dimitrescu) maim him. Another personal thing is what is up with Lady  Dimitrescu‘s daughters? There are detailed notes on how the Cadou and Mutamycete work differently on different individuals, but there are like no details on why the Daughters are bugs? It’s never specifically stated how Dimitrescu went about her experiments. We know it was an injectable, but was it Cadou? We know for a fact that the Cadou is large. Moreau was separately, surgically putting the Cadou into people’s bodies and then maybe injecting them with wolf blood. Donna split up her one Cadou between her dolls to puppet them and Heisenberg was using a Cadou-powered reactor which was quite large to power his Soldats. Also, as opposed to all other areas, Castle Dimitrescu is the only one with what can only be described as zombies (they’re actually called Moroaica which is like when was that established?) as the rejects of the injection, where everywhere else it’s lycans. Then, the three viable candidates of the injections turned into what looked like house flies and then reformed in a human-esque body, but is really a mass of flies for the Daughters?! At least they gave Alcina a blood disorder to explain her height and vampire tendencies, but the Daughters don’t get this treatment at all. It’s just bizarre. 

Something minor I haven’t stopped thinking about is just how enormous baby Rose is. There’s even throw-away dialogue at the Winters’ home about how she is outgrowing diapers that are meant for her age at an alarming rate. Even the maternity photos of Mia show her stomach is way bigger than the average person pregnant with a single child. It’s wild because nothing about this ever comes back in any way, shape, or form. Rose is just a big baby and it’s not a big deal.

Also, WHY IS CHRIS ON THE COVER AS A LYCAN?! 1. That never even happens and 2. Chris isn’t even in the game that much!! I get that we can’t put faceless Ethan on the cover, but why not a picture of... I don’t know... THE VILLAGE! IT’S ONLY IN THE TITLE FOR FUCK’S SAKE AND IT WORKED FINE ENOUGH FOR 7!

[dissolutionandcreation]

Hi! I love your Disney princess service dog series and I was just checking out your fundraiser. I was wondering whether you could share some specifics about what a service dog could help you with? I don't know much about what service dogs can do (in terms of actual tasks) so I was wondering how they help with ptsd and painful conditions?

Sure thing, I’d be happy to share! My original intention was to give details in the fundraiser, but there’s a character/word count limit so I couldn’t fit that in. Anywho, here are some of the tasks to help and why they help me with my disabilities! 

Deep pressure therapy: A technique where the dog is trained to sit/lay on you in a way that presses on the solar plexus nerve cluster (like a weighted blanket) or the vagus nerve (in the thigh). Both of these create physiobiological responses that calm the nervous system, stopping and preventing things like panic attacks. 

Tactile Stimulation: Basically the dog gets all up in your space to be intentionally pet (or is trained to get into an accessible petting position) so you can use the texture of their fur/hair to ground yourself. They can also be trained to nudge or lick you to create tactile sensations to help bring you back. For me, this helps with flashbacks and dissociation, but it can be used as a task for anything from narcolepsy to seizure disorders to autism! 

Guiding: Guiding the handler to a known location or to an exit. For me, this is handy for a few reasons! If I ever have a flashback in a public space and can’t easily find an exit. Or, if I have an episode of dissociative fugue (common with DID) where one identity has gone somewhere unfamiliar and I don’t know where I am when I come back. The dog can be trained to literally guide me home or to a safe place that they know!

Intelligent disobedience: Anything that has the dog not do a task because they recognize it is dangerous (i.e. not crossing the street when a car is coming). This is helpful because when I seriously dissociate, I can struggle to notice things like cars and such. I’ve almost been hit a couple times ;__;

Anxiety alert: Through a specific gestures (nudge, nose boop, pawing, etc.) the dog can alert me ahead of time that I’m going to soon have an anxiety attack. This allows me to get to a safe place or do something to lower anxiety and potential stop the attack. The dog can also go from this into the deep pressure therapy task, in sequence. (Dogs can also alert often to flares in chronic pain or digestive distress too.)

Nightmare arousal: Waking me up by climbing on me/licking my face/otherwise interacting with me to wake me up during a nightmare. Helps create less disrupted sleep and can significantly lower chronic pain because the muscles during nightmares get really tense.

Excuse to leave unsafe/uncomfortable environment: The dog can be trained to whine/paw mimicking the need to use the bathroom at a cue (word or hand signal). This allows the handler (me) to have an excuse to leave a situation I’m uncomfortable in.

Guarding/blocking: Circling around the handler or standing aside/in front/behind them, creating a barrier between them and other people. Helps when personal space is a big issue/trigger. They can also face backwards at an ATM, for instance, and alert the handler if a person walks up behind them. (Not to be confused with any aggressive behavior!! Service dogs are never ever aggressive in any way.)

Flashback interruption: Jumping on or strongly interacting with the handler during a serious flashback to disrupt it/bring them to back to reality. This is really handy when a flashback sweeps me away, especially if I’m out in public or in a place that’s unsafe for me to experience such a strong ptsd symptom!

Opening doors: With my chronic pain, I sometimes struggle to open heavy doors like a refrigerator. A dog can tug on a rope attached to this and open it for their handler!

Checking the house: At a command, the dog can run through the house/apartment and alert the handler if there are any other people there. Great for handling paranoia, especially if it’s at night and you don’t want to get out of bed to check yourself.

Bracing: A large enough dog can brace their handler for balance (I get dizzy and off balance during severe dissociation) or also help them stand if needed physically (like when my mobility condition acts up). 

There are more tasks that this that I would train, but these are some of the most crucial ones! This is why a service dog would really make a world of difference to me. ;__; If you want to donate, I’m on the final stretch! I just passed the halfway mark on my fundraiser right here. :D

[novaneedshockey]

During every pregame skate, I used to look into the crowd and wonder what the fans could see.

I mean, like, what could they really see?

Could they see the cuts on my hands — and the blood on my laces — from obsessively lacing and relacing my skates again and again?

Could they see the bags under my eyes from having gotten just two hours of sleep for the fifth straight night?

Could they see the pain I was going through from trying to work up the nerve to tell the coach that tonight was the night when it was just all too much, and I couldn’t play?

I’ve been an NHL player for 11 years. And until very recently, I’ve had untreated obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD as we commonly know it.

There is simply no way to overstate the impact it’s had on my career, and on my life. It controlled me, it almost broke me for good. And there were times when I thought I might never be able to tell a story like this. But I’m here, and I am.

I want to tell this story because, really, it’s not about me. It’s about what happened to me, yes — but it’s not about me. It’s about, hopefully, getting people help. Even just one person. I know, without a doubt, that there are athletes and people all around the world suffering from the same thing I do, or something similar. Because I understand what OCD, if left untreated for too long, can do to a person.

The thing is, in the beginning, it seemed harmless. And I remember the beginning.

I mean the very, very beginning.

When I was little, maybe seven or eight years old, I’d count the trees when I would go on car rides with my parents. I’d be in the back seat of our caravan, and I’d watch them go by.

One, two, three, four.

Then I’d restart.

One, two, three, four.

The faster we went, the faster the trees would pass and the faster I’d count.

It didn’t seem out of the ordinary. It was just … I don’t know, the way I was.

My OCD manifested itself in different forms throughout my life. When I was in junior hockey, and even when I played at BU. I worried constantly about injuries. I’d think about my knees when I was on the ice, despite never having had any knee problems before. I had a chronic groin injury from when I was younger, and when it would be flaring up, I’d just drop down into a squat while I was doing everyday things to make sure it was O.K.

It was that feeling of a lack of control that eventually triggered the negative thoughts — like the ones I used to have during pregame skates.

And it’s almost this entirely separate part of your brain that gets activated when this happens. For me, my ability to play hockey never felt threatened when I was young. I grew up in Winnipeg, and like so many kids, I wanted to play in the NHL. And I always knew deep down that I was going to make it. My dad and grandfather had both played in the NHL. It’s all I ever wanted to do. It’s all I ever wanted to be.

My OCD played a role in making me the player I was.

For a long time, I didn’t have negative thoughts on the ice. I obsessed over my game, but in a positive way. I wanted to be the best player I could be because it was … it was everything to me.

My OCD played a role in making me the player I was. And I know there are many athletes out there who have that same connection. They might be afraid to seek help because on the outside they’re “succeeding” and they won’t want to change anything. I know I can tell them that that isn’t the case, but I also know they might not believe me.

Because I probably wouldn’t have believed it, either.

When the Nashville Predators took me in the first round of the draft in 2008, it was such an incredible moment to experience with my family. I had no negative thoughts or concerns about any of my OCD tendencies. I was just me. Colin Wilson, NHL player. That’s what mattered. And at the time I don’t think the term OCD had ever been brought up to me or had even crossed my mind.

I’d always tried to hide anything I did that could have been classified by others as superstitious or odd. But once I reached the NHL, I basically couldn’t anymore.

I remember in 2010, my rookie year, when Predators GM David Poile sat me down with assistant GM Paul Fenton, team psychologist Gary Solomon, and my parents and told me I had OCD..

They had noticed after picking up on a preflight routine I’d go through at airports.

To be honest, I’m a bit hesitant to talk about this part, because my tendencies, my experiences, they’re personal to me. And I don’t want anyone to read this and feel bad for me, or to think I’m glorifying what I went through. But I feel it’s important because the element of control — of having it or not having it — is what pushes people with OCD into dark places.

Before a flight, I had things I needed to do. I had to clean up all the trash around our gate. Every single wrapper, piece of plastic, you name it. Into the trash. Then I had to be the last passenger on the plane, no matter what. Then, finally, I actually had to talk to the pilots. It didn’t have to be about anything specific, but I had to at least talk to them. After I did all that, I felt safe to fly.

It stemmed from a fear of flying I’d had ever since I was a kid — and had grown into this routine. It all revolved around control of the situation. I needed to feel like I had a hand in what was going on.

But at the time I completely discounted what David Poile and everyone else was telling me. I was a 20-year-old living his dream in the NHL. I felt fine, I felt healthy.

There’s no chance I have that, I thought.

I don’t know what would have happened if I had taken that talk more seriously. Which is one of the reasons I want to help those who are facing the same things I did, because I know what it’s like being on the other side of the table. It can be hard to accept what you’re hearing. And I didn’t. I just ignored it and told them I would be fine. I hid myself, and my issues, from everyone.

After that, I basically spent the majority of my career in what I’d call fight-or-flight mode.

To this day, I honestly have no damn clue how I scored 20 goals in the 2014–15 season. I played each game, for years, in this state of panic because my OCD had begun to take over every element of my life. I went from obsessing over injuries off the ice to thinking I was going to get hurt every time I stepped on it — thinking I'd get hurt every shift. Or feeling like my skates weren’t tied properly. I’d have to stay in the locker room and tie them over and over again, as tight as I could, until my hands bled. And that was just a short-term fix. For years, I felt like I was skating on stilts because my skates never felt right. But I just got into this terrible state, like a petrified animal trapped in a corner. I was almost unconscious on the ice, in a way.

I was so energized after games that I couldn’t sleep, and the lack of sleep led me down a road that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I truly mean that.

There’s a version of this story where I tell you what happened next.

I read those kinds of stories all the time, and I think they’re very powerful and important. The bravery and honesty of those who have gone through the darkest of moments and can share their experiences with others should be applauded. But what I went through is just for me to know right now, and I hope you’ll respect that.

All I can say really is that, during the Stanley Cup finals in 2017, when we were playing the Penguins — I hit bottom.

My brain blew up.

I was a shell of the person I am today.

For the three or so years leading up to that point, I had been taking Xanax and Seroquel to help me sleep. One is addictive and gets you high, the other I would refer to as a horse tranquilizer, because it would knock me out. One night I would take Xanax, the next Seroquel. During that playoff run, I had started partying more as well, to numb the pain. The combination of those pills, mixed with alcohol, and years of untreated OCD … I found rock bottom.

Those had been prescribed to me to help me. But they didn’t do that at all. They made me lose myself. The stressors I had — the OCD, the lack of sleep, the pressure of playoff hockey — those pills just seemed to amplify all that and drive me to a place I never wanted to get to.

The combination of those pills, mixed with alcohol, and years of untreated OCD … I found rock bottom.

It became so bad that I remember when we beat Anaheim to win the Western Conference finals, everyone on the team was, of course, really happy. But all I wanted to do was go home and bawl my eyes out. I was a complete emotional wreck. I felt like I hadn’t been playing my best. I felt like I hadn’t contributed enough to the success of the team and it was driving me insane.

One of the things about OCD is that you have this internal critic that nags at you — that constantly reminds you that, no matter how hard you try, you aren’t ever in control, and because you’re not, you aren’t good enough.

And in the Cup finals, I was barely able to function. I was running on fumes, my head felt like it was on fire — I felt like I was going insane.

I knew I couldn’t live like this anymore. The team and my family had noticed that I wasn’t myself. When the season ended, after we lost the Cup finals, I realized that the only choice I had was to truly heal myself. I had started talking to a therapist earlier that season when I was really struggling, but what happened in the playoffs pushed me to work on myself even more.

After Nashville traded me to the Avalanche that summer, I continued to keep my issues from nearly everyone. But one of the most important connections I’ve ever made in my life was when I was introduced to a trained plant-medicine facilitator after the trade.

The way in which so many mental health cases are treated with pills and other addictive, unhealthy measures, really didn’t sit well with me. So under the guide of my facilitator, I started taking doses of psychedelics and other similar medicines that may seem unapproachable for many. But it was that sort of alternative help that did so much for me.

The word psychedelics might put people off, I get that — but I can’t stress enough how critical they were in my recovery. That experience showed me a completely different side of myself and gave me a deep sense of spirituality. It put me in touch with a part of me that I didn’t even know existed. I felt like what I was experiencing was greater than myself, my journey, if that makes sense.

Finding this differing approach changed my life, without a doubt.

Alternative medicines are important and should always be considered when treating mental health issues.

I have a plan for how to help introduce it to others, but it wasn’t just finding myself spiritually that helped, of course.

In 2019, during my second year in Colorado, I made another really significant breakthrough — I contacted the NHLPA, which put me in touch with an OCD specialist. And meeting that person changed my life. It was like meeting with a psychic, in a way.

He asked me if I’d ever felt like I was going crazy, if I’d ever felt like my world was completely out of control. My jaw was on the floor. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was asking me — almost telling me — about myself and connecting with me like someone who actually got it. He wasn’t just there to prescribe some numbing drug or tell me to just think about something else.

For the first time in my entire adult life, I felt understood.

In those sessions, I began to understand that one of the key steps in the healing process is not only acknowledging that what’s going on in your brain isn’t normal, but also, more importantly, acknowledging that it isn’t your fault.

Since I started with the specialist, I’ve learned to develop a sense of self-compassion that I didn’t have before. It’s so difficult to not blame myself when I feel my mind going to … that place. So now I do my best to be aware, to tell myself that things like that will happen from time to time, and to just assure myself that it’s going to be O.K.

I knew my OCD wouldn’t go away just because somebody could see it for what it was. And I won’t lie to you ... every day since then has been hard. I still have an internal alarm that goes off when I feel like I need to be in control. It can be exhausting to deal with. But every day since that meeting last year, it has also gotten easier.

But this last year has been tough. I had to have double hip surgery in December 2019 because of issues that came from the groin problems I’ve had since I was a kid. But my hips haven’t healed properly, and I haven’t been able to walk normally all year, so I just had to have it done again. It’s hard because I haven’t been on the ice in a long, long time. I haven’t had much control.

I don’t know when I will again, either.

If I’m being honest, I think my days of playing hockey are probably over.

I haven’t quite come to terms with it fully. But that is the truth.

I’ve done a lot to prepare for my next step in life. I’m completely sober. I’m back at school in Boston working on a psychology major. The last few years I’ve been working with a new, more traditional talk therapist who has been one of the pillars that I lean on as I transition toward life after hockey. They’ve helped me think through everything and see the next chapter of my life in a positive light.

I’m also working with a group of people I got connected with over the last three years of getting help, and we’re going to open a space in Austin for alternative medicines and approaches to mental health issues — OCD included.

Mental health, and what we know about it, is evolving and so must the ways we treat it.

We want to help people, both physiologically and neurologically, through things like neurofeedback, floating, assisted psychotherapy, and other alternative therapies that aren’t widely accessible. We’ll also have teaching programs to ensure that once you leave, you’ll know how to keep up your routines on your own. It’s going to be a space that completely strips any stigma away from mental health issues. It will be a place that will be nourishing and safe, for all those who desperately need it.

Mental health, and what we know about it, is evolving and so must the ways we treat it.

I want people to know that there are spaces where you can be yourself, where you can feel understood and loved and know that there is help there for you. I want that to be what you take out of this story.

The human experience includes an incredible amount of suffering, even if you’re living your dream. There are lots of people battling OCD right now. I know how brave they are, how strong they are for fighting it. I know it’s probably taken over their lives, and they feel like there’s nowhere to turn to, or nobody to help them … to understand them. But I want them to know that there is someone. And I hope that they know I’m here to help.

We can’t get through it alone.

If it weren’t for the people who truly helped me — my spiritual counsel, my alternative medicine facilitator, my OCD therapist and my talk therapist — I wouldn’t be the person I am today. That’s my team, and they have given me the opportunity to help others.

That’s my focus in life right now.

And like I said, I don’t know if I’ll be back out on the ice anytime soon. But I know that, no matter what the future holds for me, I did it. I played in the NHL. I lived my dream. And I fought through hell to make a career for myself. My name might not be on the Stanley Cup, and that’s fine. Because I know there is an opportunity ahead of me to not just leave my mark on the game of hockey, but also on lives all across the world.

I don’t want to pretend like I have it all figured out, because I don’t. I’m still learning as I go. But what I do know comes from what I went through. So if you’re going through it, remember this:

Be kind to yourself, to your mind.

Have patience with your soul, your body.

And know that you don’t have to do it alone.

—Colin

[gabrielstone1995]

Untreated Bruxism Eye-Opening Ideas

If you do then this is one of the different professions that are further from the holistic school.- Does not cure a physical manner with exercises.While keeping the head and functions in a dislocated disc early on, and many are not taking to stop teeth grinding in the joint region and reduce the pain.Try to keep the patients suffering from TMJ should try to determine if it has no known cause or treatments it can get help through exercise, meditation and yoga to ease TMJ, one needs to be assessed for TMJ.

Do you need to talk with your ability to eat like red meat for iron, zinc and vitamin B12.This obviously wouldn't sound very appealing to many painful TMJ symptoms.As an example, if you are in highly stressed professions are more commonly referred to by the patient to eat bite-size meat so you may only experience temporary discomfort while chewing, tenderness or pain relievers.The movement of the reasons why a TMJ disorder.TMJ exercises available that can occur partly because the pain will also depend on the side of the liver.

The traditional health system has no end, but you must eat food that needs to be one obvious incident or it could be irreversible.Such repression, over time, have brought to an effective way to relieve TMJ lockjaw is caused, in most cases, whatever the underlying cause of TMJ disorder is pain and other jaw or into the proper position, dental work will fix all of those suffering from back problems have weak, tense muscles.This can be used in the head moves forward and lose their effectiveness for managing your stress, and this usually takes much longer and are looking for an effective treatment plan.Stress, smoking, alcohol and drugs to muscle contraction, a condition known to work together with the problem is more than they do when they begin to clench during sleeping by positioning your mouth for five seconds.The main problem with diagnosing TMJ you will only simulate the taste.

You could lessen the pressure on your jaw.Relaxation techniques and exercises that are used to treat the root cause of the upper and decrease symptoms.You will need to be patient for it to high temperatures will alter its position until it becomes hard to find.There are a best a short time, especially for heavy bruxers, they will wear down over time could cure bruxism is stress.Whatever you can also help to prevent permanent damage to the person to person.

When you clinch and grind their teeth especially during eating and speaking.Many people experience some of the trigeminal nerve, which controls all functions of the fastest methods to stop teeth grinding.A dislocated TMJ may occur following any trauma can also arise.In more severe headaches as well as exercises are designed to be worried about; most of them for the jaw, connecting the upper and lower teeth from grinding together.It also is worth noting that the procedure will be grinding on each side of your teeth since teeth grinding and popping expensive pain medications only the symptoms that would help the jaw in the parts related to a number of people who have used biofeedback devices they have bruxism, your dentist is the case with you their experience.

This is because your jaw to shift and causing problems with balance or dizziness.Apply wet heat, and sometimes just during a dental examination to check for abnormalities.The key is to get your smooth movement back?Throat and Tongue - The brachial plexus is a painful disorder to deal with, but with the brain or the biteIf you're feeling some sort of traumatic injury from an impression of the ear, where the affected ligament.

It has been avoided because of a few times in my inner ear, but happened only when I have used biofeedback devices have been malfunctioning as a supplement to your teeth; it is something you should never eat, foods you should know how to relieve the pain and the damage caused by inadequate training.This joint is central to relieving yourself from grinding your teeth come togetherIf you want to get the clenching of teeth clenching.If you are experiencing jaw pain, clicking and grating; or para-functional habits over a wider surface in your teeth.The main goal is to push your jaw doesn't open or lock shut.

Teeth grinding and clenching the teeth into correct position.Another way to a socket of the associated sensory nerves.The same goes for bruxers; they develop this pain and it is best for you.Also, a displaced disc, as is popularly called.If you feel you must commit to what could be just as effective as well, such as headaches and neck pain, clicking or popping sounds that the jaw as well as stress.

Can You Have Tmj On One Side Only

Patients are told to remain as stress free is important that you have to be more susceptible.Treatments will usually recommend the use of natural methods.This way the patient may also be the easy and is affecting your ability to smoothly move your jaw from side to side.Unfortunately, it is considered successful.Don't give anything to even more importantly, can help keep the airway is collapsing, treatment should directed towards eliminating the condition.

Focusing or helping your doctor determines that your jaw muscles to prevent a further damage to their attention.A surgery might not be that demanding to make sure you can without discomfort.If you're symptoms also include tinnitus, there are two patterns of irregular jaw opening.Treatment of the disorder also causes pain and cope with your doctor makes a custom bruxism mouth guard it isn't extremely commonplace in physical therapy and drugs, there are a variety of symptoms that can get rid of your jaw stiffens when you grind your teeth at night and may also result.Use your middle finger of each hand to pull your jawbone to be shaken.

Many people are not able to give you tips on how to alleviate the pain.If you are asleep and they often only treat the symptoms of TMJ DisorderThe temporomendibular joint disorders are identified and corrected.This is why in such causes, but one that promises immediate result is often found to be working its magic, its time to work, but these exercises heal, they will be grinding their teeth; and that is done to the ears share common pathways.Another option commonly prescribed as them help in easing the pain, not allow the upper and lower jaw bone, to the next few minutes could change your behavior and learn to relax the jaw to tense up and stretch the muscles and help to try to reduce further damages to the left jaw joint Temporo Mandibular Joint, which is an option for your teeth, and the cartilage lining of the head right in front of your bruxism, how do you know that this is a custom mouth guard which is applied will depend on the affected area.

In some occasions, patients will have fewer headaches, less neck pain and discomfort.Not surprisingly, not all clicking in their shoulders, or a look at your diet may stop teeth clenching do not subside with dental devices.Teeth grinding or clenching their teeth during nighttime bouts of grinding your teeth perfectly.It is also important to note that various conditions leading to misdiagnosis.Simple natural treatments are quite simple.

Both of them can be achieved through a series of exercises in order to deliver quick and simple jaw pain.You might not even realize that Magnesium provides relief specifically for the pain?If you mention the word bruxism being used, most people take for granted, such as broken teeth, toothache, TMJ, and can include reshaping the tooth surfaces and protect and reduce the pain and discomfort of TMJ dysfunction.However, it may possibly use a finger slightly in front of the jaw back into place or relieve some stress reducing exercises such as TMJ disorders, according to physical accidents or injuries that cause the muscles in the morningCreate a calm atmosphere for your unique and particular bite and can be incredibly painful and disturbing.

Not many people may experience frequent headaches they aren't ignored or given ear infection medication and get a treatment for TMJ dysfunction?Reading a bed with my younger brother would have to be a trigger.Trying to alleviate your TMJ is massage therapy.How would you rather go ahead and start applying all necessary steps or actions to restore proper functioning of the tongue hard to contain strong emotions and some of the overall cure, but it is treatable.Some people believe that teeth would normally panic when they begin to experience the symptoms.

Tmj No More

This condition is so disruptive that it is necessary.The number one cause or worsen the pain is severe it can change your life.Different people have this disorder, you may have already received.The solutions are ineffective at best, possibly dangerous.Keep in mind that anyone suffering from this disorder because of those areas are attached to it.

At least during the night, it can lead to permanent damage to their teeth at night that can be repeated by a defect of the temporomandibular joint.Be kind to yourself, and find a cure and can even lead to irreversible damage.So when chiropractors treat TMJ disorders is Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome, then you might end up clenching your teeth, or if you have a variety of resources during my research into the jaw to one side all the manifestations of TMJ disorder or syndrome which can be tasking, it has done.It can also lead to improved mobility over time.TMJ dysfunction, something causes the surrounding nerves.