#the reason has revealed itself they are here to do daycare tours and go to an ultrasound appt with my brother & SIL to see the baby
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#please know that I vent my ungenerous feelings here in my public diary so I can just get them out and they don’t seep into my real life#my parents are randomly in town after being here like last month and that’s nice but I wasn’t sure why they were coming back so soon#the reason has revealed itself they are here to do daycare tours and go to an ultrasound appt with my brother & SIL to see the baby#I am both genuinely fine and also a horrid gremlin creature seething with toxic jealousy and petty rage#like being ‘fine’ is the stronger feeling and of course I would not want my brother to not get to share these experiences with my parents#it’s their first grandkid#but also I would I think gladly punch through a wall#I just seethe with jealousy I feel like a horribly misshapen deep sea creature with too many gills and razors for teeth#seething on the pitch-black seafloor#god the last three months have just been like#so much crying and specifically the type of crying where you’re like#I must violently expel these bottled-up feelings somehow or my ribcage will burst#and also lots of feeling like a grotesquely deformed deep sea monster#rotting from the inside out with the ugliest feelings imaginable#only 1/10th of which I express here lol I’m having a fascinating time discovering how horrible & putrid my jealousy can be#and then it passes you know it always passes. but yeah.#IUI tag
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