#the real world parallels are a bit freaky

[askquaz]

FUCK YOU GALLYWIX, YOUR STATUE IS A POLISHED TURD

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Hey there, first time anon here! I wanted to review blood ties properly, since i binged it in like a few hours some time ago (oops) and let you know that i truly believe it is a masterpiece of writing, i’m talking good enough to compete with many published novels out there. I really love how this fic dives deep into one of the most interesting (unexplored!!) eras of the group, the winter, i also adore how its developed through the quarry and farm eras (i’m so excited for the prison as well) and how the real romance develops and is strenghtened by time.

 Daryl is a really hot’n cold guy just like i imagine him being in truth, i love the romance so much and the way the relationship between Daryl and our reader is the backbone of the story as it should be, it pushes the plot fowards and even affects characters that aren’t them in funny (and sort of sad) ways, your depiction of Daryl is so authentic he’s truly amazing, a bit of a dick sometimes, and so true to canon he’s not all self loathing, he’s got a lot going on and you can tell just by the reader’s POV, that even with all his flip flopping she can read him like an open book most of the time. I’m really really looking foward to how thumper being there will affect his development from now on, we know he has a Strong sense of responsibility and so now the whole prison arc (if that is where we go next, i don’t really know, you work in mysterious ways Murda) will have a bigger impact on him beyond Merle being present, also thumper too, i’m counting on her being much like him from what we’ve seen of her during the pregnancy, very smart and perceptive, you could even say... observant, but also an absolute menace (thats what i got from all the moving around at least) and i look foward to seeing all the ways she’s going to change Daryl’s brain chemistry every day, for better or for worse she will torment every minute of his day, i hope she is a true daddy’s girl that will make Daryl pay for for his every sin on this Earth by being a brat just like he is.

Most of the reason why i didn’t really comment on it normally instead of writing this freaky text is to comment on the development of secondary characters on this fic, i think they are very Strong and all feel true to the show as well, there is one relationship i absolutely love in this fic, only second to Daryl and reader really, its Lori and reader, maybe its my nerd brain overanalyzing but they almost feel like narrative foils in this fic (or is it parallels? let us know if it is intentional or not please!!).

 I really love the interactions with Lori and reader, i’ve Always felt like she is overhated in most fics (sure she kind of messes up, but only wants the best most of the time) and here she feels really close to how it truly is in the show, and its so sad, especially contrasted with the reader. They both start in different positions/ -reader is in a very casual relationship with Daryl- Lori is commited to Rick (and somewhat casual with shane, but not really) - Reader knows the ins and outs of survival out there and is not completely vulnerable - Lori relies on the men around her for everything including emotional support, - Daryl is initially cold towards reader as usual with him - Lori has the full attention of both Rick and Shane/. But slowly the places of these two in the world are reversed, not completely but still, Reader gets sick and vulnerable, she doubts herself and her destiny in this world and needs a lot of emotional and physical support, she is no longer that huntress in the woods and needs to rely on a man ( still very Strong on her own tho, that birth scene is seared in my brain forever) and others to survive.

Meanwhile we have lori, and her journey is what it was in the show, she starts off with support from a lot of people, especially Rick and even Carl, but loses it and ends up sort of lonely and the presence o our reader only makes it more apparent, reader IS what Lori wants to be now relationships wise, her pregnancy was not all well but she had the support of Daryl most of the way, while Rick is distant, Can’t imagine what its like from  her perspective, seeing reader and Daryl together, him keeping her warm Always looking out for her, meeting her needs. Meanwhile Rick is out there doing thangs y’know, stuff. But she never resents reader for it, not visibly at least, she is a good friend who reassures and comforts her, and has to mostly make do on her own (and with Carol’s help, i imagine) and is really a wise figure during this pregnancy, i think in this fic her develpment really shows how she got to her s3 form. And yeah, i really love the interactions between them very much, it’ll be even sadder to see reader’s perspective of that day...

I also adore Carol in this fic very much, i think it shows how much of a caretaker she is in canon as well, we forget that everything she does, she does for someone else, Always looking out for others before even thinking of herself and really being the rock of this group ( a rock that can easily bash some skulls in) Also love Hershel having to stick his hands in places he wouldn’t go with a gun, bless his heart for not being mad af at Daryl in That scene, i know i would have lots of opinions about having to touch the man’s fluids y’know. He’s also a guiding light though this whole pregnancy, which is depicted in such a realistic way i’m in awe every time i think about it, things i had no idea could happen, how it really makes you feel the passage of time during this winter with both dread and wonder (especially with thumper rolling around in there, kid really is a menace) and with the birth scene, i knew Daryl would be the first to fold he was Always the weak link in that van, i’m sorry. Also sure Maggie is also coming out of the van with at least one new trauma, but she can handle it, Hershel will Always be God’s strongest soldier bless him twice. Also its really funny thinking of this whole thing on Rick’s perspective, it must all be one long ‘’TF is going on back there???Omg walkers!!!What do you mean Daryl passed out???Omg herd!! What do you mean its stuck???where am i going??!!’’.

And oh my God this ‘’review’’ is more than one Thousand words long, its time to stop i sound like a stalker, so sorry but i’m a Nerd with an overactive brain, i’m almost at the point of sending fanart attached, but yeah I REALLY REALLY love this fic like many do, i hope you receive all the love you can for it and are Always succesfull with everything you do, its really one of the best finds in modern fandom i’ve seen lately. Sorry for the mistakes, i’m not even near being good at formatting and punctuation in english lol. So yeah have a great night, we’re all really excited for the next chapter, i hope you’re also taking some time for yourself as well, its very important, Thanks for everything Murda

(PS: is it weird i forgot to talk about all the smut? Its really good, one of the best i’ve ever ready, sorry lol)<3

Okay, here we go!

This review was just… I cried. Hard. I mean, I love everyone’s reactions and replies but this just… wow.

Exploring the missing months was something I was so excited to do. Especially in this sense. To have him going through these months not just growing closer to his survival buddies, slowly finding them to be more of a family, but also exploring something we didn’t see on the show at all: being a partner and a soon-to-be father. I wanted to test those waters and see if I could stay true to who he might be had this all happened in canon.

One of my biggest concerns with every chapter is the struggle of keeping him in character while being with reader. I’m so happy that you feel like I’ve done that! The story will likely always be from reader’s prospective so to know that I am articulating what is happening with Daryl through her eyes is encouraging. I want to make sure that their struggles and victories are equally explored.

Thumper is already a daddy’s girl. She calmed when he was around, they had a connection which is 100% a thing. My daughter was slightly the opposite. She was calm and never moved much; to the point I would go to the ER to make sure she was okay. But then I found that when my sister was around, my daughter would wiggle and kick and roll. I just started calling my sister to come over if I got worried. That’s where the inspiration of having them connect like that came from.

Thumper is going to challenge both of them. I won’t say much more than that but they will definitely struggle as new, first time parents.

Merle will appear. I also won’t say much more about that.

I don’t dislike Lori. I think she made some impulsive choices to ease her pain and fear. I also think that sometimes she was more blunt or yappy than she needed to be but it came from a good place. I wanted to incorporate that, like when she wanted everyone to leave Daryl upstairs. She meant well, but spoke out of fear. Reader adores her. They had their moments but I wanted reader and her to be close, like Lori being a guide for her and just a good friend. Lori does see the changes in Daryl, really showing when she’s whispering advice to him. When she’s in the van with reader and they talk, I hope I really expressed Lori’s solemnity. Just “I’ve done this before” but you can tell that she’s carrying a burden and it’s not the baby. She’s yearning for what she’s seeing. That’s why she steps in to help. She wants to see in them what she’s missing. Yeah, that scene will be difficult.

Carol is my queen. I love her so much. She will always be the biggest cheerleader for Daryl and reader. In every story I write. Here, she wants to make sure reader had the support that she never had with Sophia. There are going to be some really deep moments that involve Carol in the next chapter. Or it may be the one after that. I also love to show Carol’s growth from the sidelines. She’s a secondary character in this series but not by much.

I honestly wish I had included more of Rick in the birth scene. Maybe I’ll do a “deleted scenes” series lol.

Omg, fanart. 🩵 @bananafire11 has done two. One for The Dixon Chronicles that was a surprise and it’s attached to the chapter. And then one for my birthday that I’m printing and hanging on my Daryl wall. I will never ask for art from my stories unless I’m going to pay for it but I will never turn it down!

This was such an inspirational review and it really allowed me to think about the way I’ve constructed this story so far (not in a bad way). I appreciate every word and I’m so so happy that the series is getting love like this. I am always so hard on myself. I’m still learning to write for myself and be glad that others like it but as a bonus and not something that defines my writing. If that makes sense.

Thank you so much for this. I hope I answered your questions and gave some insight on where my head is with certain scenes and characters.

Whoever you are, thank you. I love you. 🩵🩵🩵🩵

[hopeymchope]

Wonder Egg Priority finale thoughts

My Tumblr has a lot of anti-bully content, so it was probably no surprise when I began to watch and enjoy Wonder Egg Project this past spring. The series famously hit production delays that forced them to put out a mid-series recap episode, and that decision in turn forced them to push the final episode until late June. But now that the series (or at least season 1) is out there and complete, I thought I’d talk about how it all shook out in the end as well as the questions it left me sitting with.

For the uninitiated, here’s a bit of the context: Wonder Egg Project deals with four middle-school teen girls who’ve undergone hardships either at home or at school or both. They all lose someone they care about to tragic suicides, and then they discover the titular wonder eggs. They get these eggs from a vending machine and then, when they fall asleep, they enter a dreamworld where these eggs hatch to reveal a young person who recently committed suicide. For that night, it is the duty of the girl who got that egg to fight and defend that suicide victim from monstrous enemies that represent their abusers and oppressors. The girls are told that if they protect enough of these victims over many nights, they will be able to resurrect the specific person they lost to suicide. But of course, if you get injured or killed in the dreamworld, it affects your body in reality as well. 

The squad: Ai, Neiru, Rika, and Momoe.

Obviously, bullying is among the topics most frequently explored here, but we also deal with so many other terrible things that people might experience during childhood and adolescence. Physical, verbal, and sexual abuse are all on the table. Coming to terms with one’s gender identity is raised. It’s a show that manages to tackle a lot of heavy subjects through the lens of what’s essentially magical girl combat. I mean, there are no outfit transformations or any of that stuff, but still.

With THAT out of the way, let me talk about how the series wrapped up.

It’s clear to the viewers that there’s a lot that doesn’t make sense during the show — it’s intentionally very trippy and ethereal at times — and there’s also a lot that raises obvious questions even if you grasp it. Where do the eggs and their connection to the recently deceased come from? How do the psychological traumas of the various egg-children manifest as monsters that can literally kill you? What’s the deal with Acca and Ura-Acca and their freaky dummy bodies? What are they getting out of this whole deal with the eggs and the girls? What do the repeated references to the “temptation of death” mean? How does access to the Egg Garden even work? Is it really possible to resurrect their dead friends? Is Mr. Sawaki a predator or a chill guy or what? Why did Neiru’s sister stab her? And so on. 

The writers could’ve opted to keep things mysterious and hazy and metaphysical for the entire run or they could’ve provided lots of explanations and tried to ground this weird story in some sort of strange logic, but I’m actually pleased that they opted to go down the middle. There are answers for many things, but not for all. And when those answers come, they typically just raise more questions as well as doubts to their validity. 

SPOILERS for the finale/”special episode” below the cut.

So, obviously the answers for Acca and Ura-Acca are centered around Frill. Frill is this interesting fusion between the artificial and the organic; her body can be injured like any regular physical body, but she’s actually an A.I. on the inside. Acca and Ura-Acca are the exact reverse of this — they’re human minds inside of completely artificial bodies. Exactly how Frill started invading girls’ minds to lure them towards suicide is kept incredibly vague, but she serves as the embodiment of the “temptation of death” that was so-often referenced in the show. Frill doesn’t really appreciate life or care about the finality of death, making her a pretty natural foe for the heroes who have spent the entire series learning to appreciate their lives and bemoaning painful losses.

Can you even believe this bitch?

Acca and Ura-Acca also have documents talking about how warriors of Eros need to battle against Thanatos, the embodiment of death, but what’s that all about? We don’t really get into it. Is Frill somehow Thanatos herself? I mean... I guess maybe you could go that route, but I sincerely don’t think that’s meant to be the case. I assume she’s just another player in the game, and she happens to have taken Thanatos’ side in things. Her artificial existence and resentment of her fathers leads her to treat death flippantly. She was programmed to be selfish sometimes, and that selfishness has ultimately manifested itself in the worst possible ways. Intriguingly, we see Acca and Ura-Acca act similarly selfish in how they drive our four heroes to risk their lives just to battle Frill. Acca in particular shows that he’ll risk anyone’s life to get to Frill, who killed both his wife and daughter. But Acca never has to risk his own life. He’s just risking other people. Both sides of the equation are treating human lives like disposable pawns in some kind of war game. 

Y’all are SUPER-SKETCH.

It’s never really clear how these eggs work. We’re told that the Accas created the eggs, and honestly, I could’ve figured as much on my own. But they don’t try to explain how the eggs can contain the souls of suicide victims or how they manifest those people into dreams, and frankly, it’s probably better not to try.

I was really shocked that the girls actually manage to resurrect their dead friends. I was 100% certain that was going to be a scam and the point was going to be about learning to move on and live for the moment and appreciate those bonds while you had them, etc. And there is some of that. Alas, the price of resurrecting those people they care about is that the people in question no longer know them or remember them. That was pretty brutal... having our heroes nearly die over and over in service of people who ultimately will no longer care about them at all. Although they did the impossible and brought someone back to life, they had to lose those people all over again. I suppose this, like much fo the finale, emphasizes that we should appreciate our relationships while they last, because you can lose them for so many reasons. Regardless, I’m not surprised that Momoe just wanted to quit and avoid getting hurt after that. It’s understandable.

There’s a lot of discussion around parallels in the last two episodes. Parallel worlds with alternate versions of the self are raised multiple times, Ai gets an awesome encounter with a parallel version of herself that really brought her emotional journey to a head, and we even have to deal with a doppleganger of Neiru at the end. This leads to the revelation that Neiru looks exactly like her formerly deceased sister... a fact that presumably was part of what drove the sister to attack Neiru in the first place. Given that we’ve already been told that they were both genetically engineered, their identical appearances don’ seem that strange. But then the finale tells us that Neiru’s one dream is “to be human,” and suddenly the characters assume Neiru was an A.I. just like Frill. That... seems like a leap to me. I mean, she was genetically engineered to lead her company and never had a family of her own; no wonder she feels inhuman! So I’m not sure if I should take this at face value.

Neiru real or fake challenge

Another thing that I don’t think we can take at face value is Mr. Sawaki’s explanation of Koito’s death. In episode 12, we meet a parallel version of Ai who actually killed herself. The big boss monster for Ai to fight while protecting Alt-Ai? It’s a dark, abusive version of Sawaki. And our Ai inexplicably assumes this monster was made from her own fears. A very bizarre conclusion to jump to when you remember that every single boss monster has been the abuser of the victim that the girls were defending in that episode. By all available evidence, the Sawaki monster should be a parallel-world Sawaki who is very much exactly the scumbag he appears to be! Notice how Alt-Ai never says a damn word about the Sawaki Monster - never asks who he is or why he’s like this, etc? She’s not even surprised. That just lends further credence to my belief. FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE.

So in the finale, when our version of Mr. Sawaki claims (via a VERY awkwardly inserted voiceover) that Koito’s death was an accident after she tried to ruin his reputation because she fell in love with him, why should I believe any of it?! The previous episode introduced me to Abusive Sawaki! Sure, we don’t have any reason to assume our Sawaki is That Dick, but we JUST learned that he’s certainly capable. Furthermore, how could Koito suddenly be the ONLY accidental death among all of the available suicide victims in the dreamworld? She shouldn’t have even appeared there if it was just an accident! Although I’d like to believe that Sawaki was someone who Ai and the girls were jumping to conclusions about based on nothing... but it sure doesn’t look that way from here. And given how the show ends things, I fear we may have a hard time learning anything else about Sawaki. Ai changes schools and runs away, there is zero comment on what happened to Sawaki’s relationship with her mom... he’s just gone now.

As the final episode winds down, we see Rika and Ai fall back into bad habits, as they all treat Neiru just like they treated the girls they tried so hard to save. Rika acts disgusted by a friend and abandons her, treating Neiru the same way she treated Cheimi. When Neiru finally reaches out to Ai and calls her, Ai ignores the call and throws her phone away, thereby ignoring her friend’s needs in the same way she ignored Koito’s when she failed to record the bullying Koito was experiencing. You might even be able to connect Momoe’s choice to walk away for the sake of self-preservation to her decision to reject Haruka and walk away, honestly. And to compound the bad news that the show gives us near the end, we skip forward months to learn that Ai, Rika and Momoe have all drifted apart. Ai is in a new school, but we don’t see her with any new friends. She’s back where she started the show.

The difference, however, is that she doesn’t seem hopeless and lonely. She seems wistful, sure, but she never seems beaten down. She still treasures the friendships she built even if they wind up fading away. So there’s still a message in here about moving on, because even if you lose a person or a connection, it will forever matter.

*insert engine rev-up noises*

In the final moments, we see Ai preparing to run in the exact same pose she used back in episode 1 when she first stood up to the abusers within the dreamworld. This time, she runs to grab her chance to reunite with a dear friend. She takes charge of her own future and her own self-worth, somehow gets back into the Egg Garden (even though Rika wasn’t even allowed to enter after she rescued her specified victim, so uh... how did Ai get back in exactly... ?), and insists she’s going to use the eggs to see Neiru... even though the eggs only let you see the dead up to this point, so uh, that doesn’t really make any sense either. Consistency, motherfucker — DO YOU USE IT?

Amidst all the uncertainty that the finale left us with, at least we can see Ai find herself in a more confident place. She spends much of the series learning to stop running from her problems in the real world. Even after she gains confidence in the battles of her dreams, she struggles to face reality. It’s a huge step when she returns to school. Yet even in the very last episode, she opts to run away to a new school rather than cope with seeing Koito each day. But at last, she decides to take charge of her reality and try to reunite with her new best friend, Neiru. She’s wavered on her path, but ultimately, she’s grown. Although you could simultaneously argue that she’s failing to learn the lesson that rescuing Koito should’ve taught her...

“Ai Ohto is BACK!”

I don’t think any of us expected this finale to be a cliffhanger coming into it.  And unfortunately, we don’t know if there will ever be another season or a movie or anything. Given how people reacted to this finale with such overt hate, I really don’t expect anything more. And I think that would be a goddamn shame. Even with a finale that doesn’t quite stick the landing, I still found it fascinating and engaging. The series is more than worth the trip for the characters, for the themes and topics it explores, and even for the fluid action scenes and music. And this is a series that was made by first-time writers and a first-time director! Yet I’d easily call it one of the best animes from the past couple of years. For total newcomers, that’s a goddamn TRIUMPH.

So I hope we reunite with these girls again. I hope Ai manages to get the band back together, find out exactly what’s going on with Neiru, and face down Frill. Even if they never wind up in some ultimate battle with Thanatos, I don’t know that that’s the point. All of us are in a battle with Thanatos every single day, after all. They just need to show how they’ve all gotten stronger together and truly overcome the “Temptation of Death” by beating back Frill (and her ridiculously powerful dreamworld bug-people) as a unit. 

But maybe that’s too obvious and simplistic of a message for a show like this one. Maybe this complex ending centered on the main protagonist’s self-actualization and the value of fleeing relationships is more in keeping with the melancholy nature of the series. 

... I still really want to see the more obvious happy ending, though. I think they deserve it.

[melatovnik]

ok ur top faves wangxian fics go

hey yati! 🥰️

alright, so first things first, here’s a big wangxian fic rec list i made a while ago, if you wanna check that one out too! consider the list below part 2. these are all my faves so far since my last rec list (as you'll quickly see, i have a LOT of faves).

and just a fyi/psa/disclaimer for anyone reading this: some of these fics have disturbing themes and/or kinky/freaky sex! make sure to check the authors’ tags and notes before reading. also, much like my first rec list, there’s going to be a mix of mdzs and cql canon, characterizations, dynamics, etc., so bear that in mind.

....ok GO

live from new york by varnes | rated E | 87K words | THE snl au fic!!!! yes, by snl i mean saturday night live. this is perhaps the best and funniest story i've ever read, period. varnes is a fucking genius. read this fic.

Wei Ying lets out a long, ugly groan. “I am fine, Lan Zhan. Everybody is overreacting, it’s so embarrassing for all of you.”

“You had undiagnosed pneumonia, which you walked around with for weeks until you passed out during dress,” Lan Wangji corrects him. “It got a big laugh, until everyone thought you were dead.”

He keeps his voice even and does not tell Wei Ying that it had been Lan Wangji who caught him, who called the ambulance, and who rode with him to the hospital, where he was yelled at by nurses who wanted to know why he hadn’t noticed that Wei Ying couldn’t stop shivering or string proper sentences together.

“Rumors of my demise have been vastly overstated,” Wei Ying says. “Anyway, I’m already feeling much better. Basically fine. Really almost completely back to normal, so stop babying me and tell me why the fuck you let your stupid brother hire the worst man in the world to host our show.”

-

OR: the one where they all work at SNL, Yanli's ex-boyfriend is hosting, and that's just the beginning of everybody's problems.

swiss cheese theory by varnes | rated M | 19K words | sequel to snl au fic!!!!!! another must-read.

The Swiss Cheese model of accident causation likens human system defences to a series of slices of randomly-holed Swiss Cheese arranged vertically and parallel to each other with gaps in-between each slice. Defences against failure are modelled as a series of barriers, represented as slices of the cheese. The holes in the cheese slices represent individual weaknesses in individual parts of the system. The system as a whole produces failures when holes in all of the slices momentarily align, permitting "a trajectory of accident opportunity," so that a hazard passes through holes in all of the defences, leading to an accident.

OR: Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian go to the courthouse.

OR: “Sweethearts,” the city clerk had said, very gently, “you’re already married.”

best friends forever by varnes | rated T | 17K words | alright, so like, strictly speaking, wangxian isn't the focus of this fic, BUT. this fic is so good!! it is seriously so good, and it made me fall in love with jin ling/lan jingyi. also, it's varnes, so read it!

It happened like this: Jin Ling was a sect leader now, which was, and Jingyi really meant this, fucking hilarious. There were few things funnier, in his honest opinion.

Because he was young, and inexperienced, and also — it had to be said — a real shithead, there was apparently some belief amongst his advisors that the best way forward, to promote the picture of a stable, mature sect leader who absolutely did not cry at the drop of a hat, was for Jin Ling to get married.

-

OR: Jin Ling and Jingyi get engaged.

Things spiral from there.

For a Good Time, Call by ScarlettStorm | rated E | 171K words

The picture is of Wei Ying, that much is clear. It’s of a lot more of Wei Ying than Lan Zhan is used to seeing. He supposes that, technically, Wei Ying is dressed. It’s a bare technicality, since one of Wei Ying’s hands has rucked up his black tank top practically to his collarbone, showing a long expanse of abdomen and one nipple. Sweat beads on his sternum, catching the light like jewels. His other hand is--Lan Zhan feels his eyes widen, as though unable to look away from a train wreck--on his hip, one thumb tugging down the waistband of a pair of red briefs. Wei Ying is biting his lower lip and looking directly into the camera, sultry, his eyes dark and inviting. His erection is obvious, outlined against the red of the briefs and framed carefully with the hand on his hip. Lan Zhan’s brain goes wildly, screamingly blank.

Or: Lan Zhan accidentally finds his best friend's OnlyFans account and has an ongoing emotional crisis.

love, in fire and blood by cicer | rated E | 360K words | i actually haven't finished this one since i was reading it when it was a WIP, i need to reread it and catch up fjdskl;fjsd, but i love it very much!!!!!! oh my god he wanted to look nice for his husband..... 🙃 [screams with mouth closed]

"You want Wen Ruohan dead," the Patriarch continued idly. "You want his corpse puppets eliminated. You want his halls burned to the ground and his soldiers disemboweled and begging for mercy. Have I about covered it?"

He gave another knife-edged smile.

"But what will you give me in return?"

"We would be willing to offer quite a bit in return for Wen Ruohan's defeat," Lan Xichen admitted. "But I'm afraid we don't know what an immortal such as yourself desires. Please advise us."

The Patriarch waved at hand at the front of the tent. "I want Second Young Master Lan."

(In which the Sunshot Campaign ends through an arranged marriage to the Yiling Patriarch, and Lan Wangji suffers the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with his own husband.)

how to fall in love with a catfish: a guide by wei wuxian (disaster rat) by bwyn & Yuisaki | rated T | 55K words

A new plan hatches in Wei Wuxian’s head. If this nocturnal, bottom-feeding, slimy, invasive mudcat posing as a beautiful actor thinks he can sway Wei Wuxian with animal pictures and a sob story and an unbelievably stilted way of texting with still no dick pictures in the first five minutes of conversation, he has another thing coming. Wei Wuxian’s got it, alright, he has this in the fucking bag.

~

Wei Wuxian plots to expose a catfish using strategic memes and turtle pictures while wiggling his way out of family dinner. Lan Wangji just wants companions.

there’s no promised goodbye here by Yuisaki | rated T | 54K words

Jiang Cheng stares at him. “Didn’t you say you broke up five months ago?”

“Yeah.”

“So why do you have a picture of you two kissing taped to your fridge?”

“Because we’re too broke for magnets,” Wei Wuxian explains, then considers that statement. “Well, I’m too broke for magnets. Lan Zhan probably refuses to buy them because he’s trying to have lofty ideas about the moral failings of materialism.”

~

Wei Wuxian navigates the trials of living with his ex-boyfriend in apartment 1301.

paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 | rated E | 54K words

To say that he runs to his car would be incorrect, as he is a Lan, and running is both undignified and unnecessary unless in immediate danger. Nor does he slam his key into the ignition, or aggressively swerve around the cars on the freeway, or have a mild panic attack at the fact he is picking A-Yuan up late from school for the first time ever.

He comes close, though.

By the time he arrives, it’s 4:35PM, and he has imagined about fifty different worse-case scenarios. The door is partly open when he gets to it, a messy label of 104B���Art Room scrawled with chalk on a placard next to the faded wood. As he opens it fully, he expects to see a wailing, terrified child, or perhaps a scene of utter misery and betrayal.

What he finds is his son, hands covered in paint, being sung to by a beautiful, dark-haired stranger.

“Ducks live in the pond, yellow ducks, happy ducks!”

Lan Wangji stops in his tracks.

(Or: Falling in love with your son’s art teacher, in five parts)

a paper friend by sunzu | rated G | 5K words

Lan Wangji finds a paperman far from its body and helps get it home.

-Or-

Lan Wangji unknowingly meets Wei Wuxian for the first time.

All Caught Up by brooklinegirl | rated E | 37K words

"Betrothed," Wei Ying says indignantly.

Lan Wangji can't stop his gaze from darting up to him. Wei Ying understands. Wei Ying is looking at him, wide-eyed and upset on his behalf.

"And you don't even like her," Wei Ying says.

"I don't even know her," Lan Wangji says quietly.

"But even if you did—" Wei Ying starts.

"I wouldn't want this," Lan Wangji finishes.

Lead Me On Through by mrsronweasley | rated E | 55K words | oh look another canon-era practice kissing fic fjdskfl;ds

"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.

"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.

"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."

I Started From the Bottom/And Now I'm Rich by x_los | rated E | 58K words | ok so i know that in my spiel above i said to mind the tags, etc., but actually pay no mind to the first two relationship tags for this fic. i PROMISE that this isn't that sort of dead dove fic fjdksl;fjs;lifkj. i. it. it's wangxian. don't sweat it. don't even trip. just—this fic fucking rules. it's completely insane and it slaps. wei ying is a girlboss and a bitch and i like her So Much

“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

rather cruelly used and rather reserved by x_los | rated M | 14K words

In the month between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian leaving Yi City and their attending the cultivation conference in Lanling, Wei Wuxian discovers a locked room in the Jingshi. It is a mystery that clever and curious Wei Wuxian is doing everything in his power to avoid solving.

But the rose was awake all night for your sake/Knowing your promise to me by x_los | rated E | 8K words | resentment tenties~

The resentful energy occupying Wei Wuxian's body like an enemy army is very interested in giving him Lan Wangji, tied up with a bow.

Wei Wuxian is hoping that Lan Wangji (who is far too noble and very keen to save Wei Wuxian's misguided soul) doesn't find out about any aspect of that.

Mo Money, Mo Problems by x_los | rated M | 3K words

After the Mo family perishes in distressing and mysterious circumstances, Wei Wuxian, still reeling from his reincarnation, tries to dip back into their manor for a little travelling money. (Forward planning! What a concept!) Lan Wangji catches him immediately, and is highly unimpressed (read: furious) with Wei Wuxian’s decision to run away from him in the first place.

Standing Engagement by x_los | rated M | 18K words

Lan Wangji believes he and Wei Wuxian are essentially engaged. While they search for his missing betrothed, he accidentally reveals as much to Jiang Wanyin. Now everyone in the cultivation world knows about the imminent marriage, except for Wei Wuxian himself.

Coming Back to Yourself by acernor | rated E | 22K words | genital swapping for fun and nonprofit!

Lan Wangji gets cursed with a ~woman's body~ and has to orgasm to go back. Since he's 1) a virgin 2) super repressed and 3) SUPER gay, he has no idea what to do.

If only he had a super nosy friend who's read lots of erotic novels who could help him figure out what to do... hm...

Save a Sword by etymologyplayground | rated E | 5K words | a fic inspired by the above fic!

Lan WangJi presses a kiss into his throat, which draws a shivering whine from him. "Like this," he agrees, his voice so low. Then he slides one warm elegant hand down Wei WuXian's chest to his belly, and then to his — to his —

--

fan ending for acernor's fabulous masterpiece "coming back to yourself" because i'm a huge goofball and that fic fucks

Our Eyes on the Road by etymologyplayground | rated E | 23K words | brought to you by lore (the author) and Orville Peck's hit song Drive Me, Crazy

Lan Zhan is silent for a long moment, and the van's speakers quietly pipe the second song on the album into the empty space between them. Then Lan Zhan shifts his hand a little on Wei Ying's leg, presses his fingers once into the meat of his thigh. "Alright," he says.

"Alright," Wei Ying echoes in a wheeze.

"Is that better?" Lan Zhan checks, because he is a good boy. Then he spreads his fingers out a little wider, because he is evil and must be stopped.

-

Lan Zhan is driving to Chicago. Wei Ying tags along.

Worship you till morning comes by feyburner | rated E | 7K words

A meet-cute, a first date, a sleepover.

Let's take a ride round the curves of desire by feyburner | rated E | 6K words | yeah........... uhh, yeah.

Wei Ying was sprawled on the floor in front of the oscillating fan when Lan Zhan got home from work.

The Roots Grow Riotous by hansbekhart | rated E | 105K words | a beautifully crafted, emotionally harrowing fic. i should warn you (since it's not quite tagged as such) that while wangxian is endgame, the overall story doesn't have the sort of happily-ever-after ending you might expect. i’ve seen it described as open-ended but hopeful and cathartic, which i find to be a pretty accurate assessment

Sometimes Lan Zhan doesn’t work through lunch. Sometimes he makes conversation with coworkers in the halls. Sometimes he goes home instead of spending the last hour trawling through Grindr. But mostly, that’s exactly what he does. The sameness is comforting. His life spools out in easily measured increments: capsule collections, yards of hand dyed textiles, ninety day lead times, sell through figures, cost of goods sold.

Every date in manufacturing can be calculated backwards and forward from a single horizon point: the date that the goods must arrive into the country where they'll be sold. Other than that, nothing else really matters.

总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie | rated E | 76K words | i can't recall a fic ever affecting me as much as this one did. one of the best stories i've ever read. so, so, so crushingly beautiful. it's viscerally distressing/upsetting at times, especially at the start, so please heed the tags and author's note (they provide a way to skip the beginning scene if needed)!

That’s just the thing, isn’t it? Wei Ying feels nothing. He doesn’t feel anything, and this emptiness should scare him. He knows he should be scared. He wants to be scared. He isn’t. Fear itself is never scary; fear is just a response. It means that your body wants you alive. It’s the absence of terror that scares him.

请兔子吃晚饭; treating a bunny to dinner by yiqie | rated T | 3K words | read this one to recover from the above fic

It’s not really about the food. Being able to share it in the same space is its own kind of magic.

爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie | rated E | 69K words | and then read this one to feel harrowed again, this time in canon-verse!

Wei Wuxian has certainly hoped so ardently in his two lifetimes, for so many different things, in so many different ways, that he could have summoned the demon to his front door with his bare hands. His eyes wander to Lan Zhan, settle on the back of his head, the blue-black curtain of his hair. Oh, how he has hoped.

在此恭迎夷陵老祖; to yiling laozu, the great and venerable by yiqie | rated M | 7K words | read this one to recover from the above fic (this time in canon-verse)

“You don’t know? In Yiling, there’s a tree at the edge of town, one that stands at the fringes of where the city ends and the Burial Mounds begin, called the Lover’s Tree. They say if you write a letter and nail it to its branches, Yiling Laozu will receive it, and he’ll reply.”

你的阳光下; wanna hide in your light by yiqie | rated T | 2K words | :')

Lan Zhan shuts off the water before it can start getting cold, because Wei Ying still needs to take one. Any other day, Wei Ying would have slunk in, pretending to be annoyed that Lan Zhan started without him, and neither of them would have want for hot water, but Wei Ying is still asleep.

From my heart's ground. by orange_crushed | rated E | 38K words | get (orange) CRUSHED!!!!!!!

After a while he can feel a palm against his face, gentle fingers soft and soothing. It’s not real, not exactly: he can tell the difference between a ghost’s touch and a living person’s, between a spirit-vision and an overactive imagination. His education has been thorough. But the beating has also been thorough, so for now he forgets what he knows and leans into it, into the hand cupping his cheek. It’s soft and dry as those forgotten petals, as the touch of a pillow. He can smell wildflowers, can taste blood and dirt. My baby, his mother says, and he closes his eyes. My treasure. He barely remembers the sound of her voice, but the feeling of it is just the same. Just the same as ever.

[In which Lan Wangji loses almost everything, plants a garden, and grows a second chance.]

Pentimento. by orange_crushed | rated E | 73K words | this fic briefly gave me a serious case of career envy :/ ......but seriously, this is an absolute must-read!!!

When Wangji was eighteen he’d walked into the first class of his fall semester painting module and there’d been a boy in a hilariously ugly floppy knit hat sitting cross-legged on the floor at the front of the room. He’d had a sheet of canvas paper taped to his board and his board clamped between his legs and a tackle box of brushes and tubes—a real fishing tackle box, with a fish-shaped logo on it that said BASS, not one of the nice art supply storage boxes they sold in the campus bookstore, like the one Wangji was carrying—open beside him. Everyone else had settled into the rows of stools and easels, but that boy had stayed on the floor for the whole two hour and thirty minute studio. Wangji had looked at him and thought, that idiot’s back is going to hurt.

[Former best friends Lan Wangji, paintings conservator, and Wei Wuxian, art handler, meet again and realize... neither of them were actually in unrequited love.]

Many happy returns. by orange_crushed | rated E | 25K words

His fingers are still clasped between Wangji's. In the mirror Wangji watches him tuck his coat between his thighs so that he can fuss with the tucked-in hem of his shirt, tousle up the side of his hair, all one-handed. "I hope what I'm wearing is okay."

"It's good," Wangji says. "You look good."

"I guess I must," Wei Ying says, and then he smiles and bites his teeth into his bottom lip for a second, devastatingly, and before Wangji can drop dead the doors to the elevator slide open, and the hostess station appears.

[In which lonely businessman Lan Wangji meets the right wrong person and changes the course of his life.]

The dreamers. by orange_crushed | rated E | 17K words

“Stop mothering me,” Wei Ying protests. “Why don’t you ever listen?” He scowls at Wangji, but then the lure of the clean water is too much; he sits grumbling and strips off his vambraces and loosens the collar of his robes and wipes himself down in the steam. Wangji sits on a stool and watches him, and after a while Wei Ying slaps the rag into the bowl and glares back. “Are you going to sit and stare the whole time?” he demands. “You want to see me strip naked and give my filthy evil self a good scrubbing, huh?”

Yes, Wangji thinks.

[This is a story about a horrible war and a beautiful dream; about grabbing happiness where you can find it, and not letting go.]

mercy, tear it down. by orange_crushed | rated E | 31K words

“You want me to call you good?” Wangji says. “To make you feel good?” Wei Ying makes a wretched, soft, surprised sound in the back of his throat. “Then will you be good?”

“Uh,” Wei Ying says. His lashes flick down again, nervously. “Good how?”

Wangji hasn’t quite thought that far ahead.

Kingfisher Feathers by Anonymous | rated E | 83K words | WIP (7/10 chapters, last updated 4/13/21) | omg omegaverse!!!! @/ this anon author... keep up the great work! also i have feelings for u

With an almost trance-like detachment, Wei Wuxian touched his own neck, his fingers skimming over the fresh mark. The bite wound had stopped bleeding, although he had no doubts it would open again if agitated.

Bonded.

He was bonded for life.

"Shit," he whispered. He looked over at the sleeping form of Lan Wangji—the Second Prince of Gusu and, until his brother was found, the sole heir to the throne. "Oh, shit. Lan Qiren is going to kill me."

----------

Lan Wangji goes into a fevered rut and accidentally bonds with Wei Wuxian. When they next meet, he remembers none of it, and Wei Wuxian is determined to keep the bond a secret—even when he's sent to the Cloud Recesses to be a consort in Lan Wangji's harem.

(tl;dr concubine!wwx is already married to emperor!lwj, who has no idea. drama ensues.)

Pull out game weak by 74243 | rated E | 23K words | featuring the hottest meanest dom top lesbian lwj of your wildest dreams. i hope ao3 user 74243 is having an amazing day

Wei Ying swipes right.

Extra Time by Anonymous | rated E | 28K words | fic inspired by the above fic! seriously good

How Wei Ying learned to stop worrying and love the strap (an AU of 74243's Pull out game weak)

Superfan by 74243 | rated E | 19K words | ao3 user 74243 writing banger after banger as per usual

“I’m not going to apologize for my job,” Wei Ying said, “so if you want to give me some kind of lecture--”

“No,” Lan Zhan said. “You misunderstood. I am...” she paused, as if considering the best way to put it. “I’m a fan.”

Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes by 74243 | rated E | 7K works | i'm just going to list all of ao3 user 74243's fics, ok? that's what's gonna happen here

Wei Wuxian was a little surprised herself, although she felt bad for being surprised. Of course it didn’t really mean anything about you, how you presented, Wei Wuxian knew that better than anyone, but all the same it was hard to reconcile Lan Zhan as an omega.

(wwx makes an error of judgment)

If the shoe fits by 74243 | rated E | 8K words

Wei Ying loses a bet.

the And they were roommates series by 74243 | rated E | 19K words total

That was the other thing, when Wei Ying had moved in. She’d scented Lan Zhan immediately, the sandalwood and smoke rising off her, almost before she’d taken in Lan Zhan’s straight posture, her narrowed eyes. She’d known that Lan Zhan could tell, too. At the end, when they’d talked about the rent and Lan Zhan’s nearly finished PhD and Wei Ying’s working hours, Wei Ying had said, casual and effortless, “And you don’t mind that I’m an omega.”

“No,” Lan Zhan said.

Chef's kiss by 74243 | rated E | 7K words

Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.”

“There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.”

(Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

Gold-palmed Warrior Quest! by 74243 | rated E | 13K words

When Lan Wangji suggested that they camp along the way to the Unclean Realm, rather than staying at inns, Wei Wuxian had been sceptical.

Dway! by 74243 | rated E | 6K words

“Hm,” Wei Ying said. “You like it rough, though, right? You seem like that kind of alpha.” When she saw Lan Zhan’s expression she raised an eyebrow. “What? Was I wrong? Are you tender and sweet? Do you cry?”

“You were not wrong,” Lan Zhan said. “I do not cry. Do you?”

tgif by 74243 | rated E | 17K words

Today Lan Zhan says that if Wei Ying cannot control her mouth then she will have to tape it shut.

On the ground by 74243 | rated E | 5K words

“I think you will like it,” Lan Zhan said.

Does your mother know by 74243 | rated E | 5K words | editing this rec list on a monday morning to add this brand new fic fresh off the presses. thank u ao3 user 74243 for feeding us so well 🙏

“Lan Zhan is such a well-behaved girl,” Madam Yu said.

all that and more by Euphorion | rated E | 20K words

Wei Wuxian locks his phone and puts it down, blinks at his ceiling, and picks it up again. The pictures are still there.

His first thought is that Lan Zhan meant them for someone else. That he just woke up at—he checks the timestamp—6:30 am on a Sunday and decided to go absolute full nuclear seduction option on some poor boy he met on Grindr, who would now be missing out on the best thing to ever happen to him because Wei Wuxian had a bad habit of distracting—of—oh.

Pieces of last night start to resurface and paste themselves together in his head. He winces.

The Golden Cutsleeve by syrus_jones | rated E | 77K words | of my faves, this is one of my favorite... faves. top faves. incredibly fun and silly and hot. just... oh my GOD, wei YING!

“I know! Why don’t you try it? Let me go and I’ll lend it to you!” Wei Wuxian bribed hysterically, desperate to escape from this encounter by any means necessary. And then, his eyes blew wide, realizing what he just said. ‘Wait— just what am I offering Lan Zhan?!’ he thought. How was he so stupid, how did he just offer that without thinking—

“You want me...to use it… after you?” Lan Zhan asked, his voice unusually faint.

~*~

Wei Wuxian's test of mysterious, literally magical sex toy goes awry when Lan Wangji finds him in the woods 'experimenting' with it and it ends up in Lan Wangji's possession.

Unfortunately, neither of them is aware that the toy is anchored to Wei Wuxian's body. Too bad Wei Wuxian invited him to try it.

Boy Trouble, We've Got Double by saltyfeathers | rated E | 60K words | !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is a really good fic

Lan Zhan stands there in his immaculate, cloud-patterned Lan robes, watching him calmly, one fist tucked up against his back. “I am betrothed.”

Wei Wuxian blinks. “Are you…” He tries to laugh. Again, it sounds inhuman. “Is this about last night? Are you mad at me? I only remember some of it, Lan Zhan. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I’m sure whatever I did I was just—” He gestures uselessly. He remembers being warm in Lan Zhan’s lap. He remembers fitting snugly in Lan Zhan’s lap. Wrapping his arms around Lan Zhan’s neck. Nosing at his jaw. “…playing around.”

“This has nothing to do with you, Wei Wuxian.”

none in the forest so bright as these by saltyfeathers | rated E | 6K words

Wei Wuxian puts a hand to his head, brain lost in fog. “Lan Zhan,” he pants. “Why are we here? Are we on a hunt?”

As Lan Zhan tries to remember, his brow furrows. He shakes his head slightly. “I don’t know.”

“This is bad,” Wei Wuxian says. When Lan Zhan cups his cheek again, sparks burst behind Wei Wuxian’s eyes. “Or maybe it’s not,” he says unthinkingly. Sighs, almost. Lan Zhan looks at his own arm like it's betrayed him. Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and presses his face into Lan Zhan’s palm. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” he murmurs. “What’s happening to us?”

out in the garden, there’s things you hid away by saltyfeathers | rated E | 121K words | oww oww oww 😣😣😣💘

There is a man with empty eye sockets and tears of fire in Wei Wuxian’s dreams. Tendrils of smoke curl around him in sleep, pressing at his most vulnerable spots, seeking entrance, slipping between his ribs.

When he ignores Lan Zhan's offers of help, he declines rapidly. He will die. Or, he should. Anyone else would.

Instead, he flees. And transforms.

crawling through your door by saltyfeathers | rated E | 12K words

Lan Wangji kisses him. When he pulls away, he speaks into the silence between them, because when he is with Wei Ying, he so rarely considers. “Why don’t you touch me anymore?”

Lan Zhan Works for the Historical Society by saltyfeathers | rated E | 7K words | some real real good lesbian action up in here

Pretty Lan Zhan. Beautiful Lan Zhan. Ice queen Lan Zhan. So intimidating and femme and coldly polite in public, yet meaner than a man in the bedroom. Wei Ying has slept with men before and none of them were mean-nice to her like Lan Zhan.

threadfic by saltyfeathers | not rated (each chapter rated/tagged individually) | 34K+ words | WIP (11/? chapters, last updated 3/15/21), but it’s a collection of stand-alone oneshots

semi cleaned-up wangxian twitter threadfic.

【已經打動我的心】So Sing To Me All Night by aroceu | rated T | 10K words | arrow writes wei ying so exquisitely well. i was weepy the whole time read this fic. for the best experience, i recommend following along with the accompanying spotify playlist.

No one listens to the radio in this day and age, but somehow from a bunch of left clicking and right clicking, through Facebook and Twitter and Youtube, Wei Ying finds himself on the WQHS homepage—the UPenn student radio station, promising eclectic tastes from a variety of hosts. Wei Ying can't remember giving a shit about his old college's student radio before he dropped out, but it's eleven at night and he has nothing else better to do. He clicks on the button that says Listen Here! and waits to be impressed.

get wild by aroceu | rated E | 24K words | 🔥🏀🔥 BASKETBALL FIC 🔥🏀🔥

He was looking for a specific reaction—to get Lan Zhan to lash out. All hard edges and demanding, the same way during the first scrim, Lan Zhan's dark voice had made him loose and obedient, itching to both rebel and obey at the same time.

It's them, whatever it is, but it doesn't belong on the basketball court.

~

Wei Ying didn't expect to enter a weird... something-with-benefits-plus-power-play with the captain of the Gusu basketball team. He's not sure if it's worth it.

without a warning by aroceu | rated T | 10K words | 🥺️🥺️🥺️

“Blegh,” Wei Ying says. “I hate being sick, Lan Zhan… my throat is so sore… why do I talk so much?”

“Stop talking then,” Lan Zhan says.

“You don’t mean that,” Wei Ying says, in his half-asleep daze. “I know you’ll never admit it, Lan Zhan, but you like it when I talk.”

your honor i’m a freak bitch by aroceu | rated E | 6K words

Wei Ying gestures to his outfit. His hands are buried deep within the hoodie; he’s mostly gesturing with the sleeves. “Well, it works with the whole get up, you see?”

“The…” Lan Zhan looks down at where his fingers are toying with the top of Wei Ying’s thigh highs. Wei Ying pretends he is not shivering. “…skirt. And these stockings.”

“Thigh highs, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying says, batting at him with the end of a sleeve.

Play It By Ear by aroceu | rated T | 7K words | MY HEART !!!

In the virtual airplane flying over the island, appropriately called Yiling, Lan Zhan watches as bits and pieces of the island load in. There are many Statues of David, a gothic teacup ride, and, from what Lan Zhan can see, an entire field of spoiled turnips.

hanguang-jun @/hanguangjun Do you need turnips to sell?

timmy and tommy in a trenchcoat @/yilinglaozu oh! no haha! 😅 those are from a while ago but my brother insists i keep them there

for the ~aesthetic~

the key that our souls were singing by aroceu | rated M | 5K words

“I haven’t seen you since—Gusu, was it?” Wei Ying says. “Oh my god, it’s been so long. I didn’t even know you were LGBT! Unless you’re here as an ally, which is also totally cool—”

“No, I.” Lan Zhan coughs. Her throat feels dry. “I am a lesbian.”

abort retry fail by aroceu | rated E | 21K words

Lan Wangji must miss his husband over this amnesiac of a man Wei Wuxian has turned into. Well, Wei Wuxian will show him! He'll be even better—or at least, try to be just as good of a husband as he would be, without his memory loss.

Blackout If You Were Mine by aroceu | rated E | 9K words

Wei Ying likes to wear chokers a lot. So Lan Zhan buys some for him. Then, testing their limits, collars.

Wei Ying wears those, too.

-

Or, the one where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan accidentally stumble into a BDSM relationship.

eleven thousand meters & airborne by aroceu | rated E | 5K words | 😎✈️😎

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying join the mile high club.

many fox given by defractum | rated E | 24K words | can't go wrong with foxxian and dragonji content 🦊🐉

Lan Zhan is glaring at him. That's probably fair.

The last time they'd seen each other, Wei Ying had been digging through Lan Zhan's garbage. They'd made eye contact over the shredded bags, the week's trash scattered around him like stinky, oversized Lego.

Lan Zhan's eyes had been wide with horror, and Wei Ying's had been equally wide with feigned innocence. He'd reached out slowly, maintaining the eye contact, and then flipped over the food waste bin full of onion peel and carrot skin as a distraction and slunk off into the night. Probably not his finest moment.

-

Modern AU dragon!LWJ meets fox!WWX.

the tamed by defractum | rated E | 12K words

If the Second Jade of Lan insists on bringing the Yiling Patriarch as his guest to the next Cultivation Conference, he must first demonstrate a control over the Yiling Patriarch and his unnatural abilities.

The letter lies on their desk for days.

-

Post-canon, Wei Ying is invited, sort of, to a Discussion Conference.

us in a king-size, keep it a secret (say i'm your queen, i don't wanna leave this) by matcha_ado | rated E | 3K words

People always said Wei Ying was a royal pain in the ass. They were absolutely right, of course, just not in the way they thought.

it is wednesday my dudes by jelenedra | rated M | 4K words

Wednesday nights at Cloud Recesses strip club are always a little weird, but usually they're not this horny. Whatever Wei Ying and Lan Zhan get up to, Mianmian is not going to be the one to clean it up.

i'm the one for your fire by occultings | rated E | 43K words | cherry magic au! love it

Wei Ying, virgin and noted heterosexual, gets hit with a curse of an unusual nature on his 30th birthday — through physical contact, he can read the minds of others around him.

Enter Lan Zhan, hot former rival and current coworker, whose true thoughts about Wei Ying are nothing like he expects. (A loose Cherry Magic AU)

a thousand teeth, yours among them by darkredloveknot | rated E | 11K words

A one night stand in the time of zombies.

hoe to housewife pipeline by lanzhancore | rated E | 5K words

“You type fast,” Wei Ying murmurs, making a futile attempt at conversation while he waits for him to be done with… whatever. “Not to be pushy, but do you plan on fucking my ass anytime soon?”

or: wei ying has been thirsting after lan zhan for three slutty slutty years

can you feel it by lanzhancore | rated E | an instant classic

“What’s wrong?” Wei Ying asks finally, eyebrows drawn together. “Is everything okay?”

Thumbs stroking circles into his skin as if to comfort him, Lan Zhan says, “Don’t panic.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says, sitting up on his elbows. “What did you do to my ass?”

“Nothing,” Lan Zhan says, convincing nobody. “But we need to go to the hospital.”

or: wei ying really should have sprung for the model with the flared base. he learns this lesson the hard way.

because you're mine (i walk the line) by lanzhancore | rated E | 8K words

Wei Ying is freshly cream-pied and still trying to remember where his legs are when Lan Zhan outlaws masturbation.

or: wei ying fucks around and finds out

payload by lanzhancore | rated M | 3K words | babysitter wwx + dilfji, what more could you need

Wei Ying has a whole five hours and thirty-six minutes to calm down but when he hears Lan Zhan’s key turning in the front door lock later that evening he has to cling to the couch cushions to keep from marching into the laundry room to retrieve the briefs so he can wave them in Lan Zhan’s face and demand to know who owns them.

or: lan zhan's self-restraint is not limitless

the to the brim series by verseau | rated E | 14K words total

Wei Ying wants to rob him, but it wouldn’t even be satisfying, since this guy is just—giving away money. With his nice fingers. Maybe Wei Ying will just bite his fingers, and that will give the same endorphin rush as robbing him. / a day told across five parts.

get that message home by verseau | rated G | 2K words | ohhhhhhhhh myyyyy godddddd 😭

Sizhui's father cannot haggle. It is a shame on Sizhui’s honor to have such an honest father.

Author's note [i'm including it here because it's golden]:

there is a scene in arrested development where lucille, who is on the opposite spectrum of humanity as lan zhan, asks, "it's a banana, michael. how much could one cost? ten dollars?" there are no bananas in this story.

dreaming and getting a glimmer by verseau | rated E | 27K words | a particular favorite of mine 🔥🍆💦🕳🔥

Wei Ying discovers himself.

trust your fingertips by plonk | not rated (but really rated E) | 15K word | 🥵️🥵️🥵️🥵️🥵️ plonk you’ve done it again!

Lan Wangji must suppress a shiver at every brush and press of Wei Wuxian’s fingers.

Under different circumstances - less public ones - he would welcome touch, given that his body is in such an aroused state.

Alas, his circumstances are these: sitting quietly while Wei Wuxian, the famous (infamous) Doctor of Yunmeng, digs his fingertips into Lan Wangji’s shoulders and chest and sides and hums thoughtfully.

Doctor, Doctor by YunmengLotus | rated E | 4K words | mmmmhmm!

Wei Ying needs to get a prostate exam. How ever will he deal when the world's hottest doctor walks through the exam room door and tells him to bend over?

TAKOYAKI by ariskamalt | rated E | 3K words | lan zhan gets jealous of his own damn appendages. meanwhile, wei ying is just having a good time.

Lan Zhan…cannot always feel or tell what his tentacles will do.

His free hand curls into a fist. Underneath his skin, the tentacles give a little squirm, as if aware of the challenge he has just issued them. No touching Wei Ying unless he says so, because he wants to touch Wei Ying first. They squirm again, as if to say, Tentacles: 1, Lan Zhan: 0.

That will just have to be remedied.

Or, as phnelt first described: Tentacle-ji with the semi autonomous tentacles getting jealous of his tenties for touching Wei Ying in places he hasn't yet

Outage by SugarMilkTea | rated E | 3K words | [cough] 😳😳😳

The power goes out in Lan Zhan and Wei Ying's rural home in the countryside. Lan Zhan takes advantage of the darkness to give in to one of his baser urges, and Wei Ying's first rural power outage experience is about to get a lot more interesting.

big hands (i know you’re the one) by martyrsdaughter | rated E | 8K words | NICE. 🔥🔥🔥

“Not a big talker, hm?” Wei Ying tilts his head to one side. “That’s okay, I’ve been told I’m a good enough conversationalist for three. My tongue is multi-talented and—”

He has just enough time to feel her palm on the back of his neck and think, oh, her hands are so big, before his words are being stolen into her mouth.

darling, am i a chore? by martyrsdaughter | rated E | 7K words

“Are you done playing around?”

Knowing that’s not what either of them actually wants, Wei Wuxian reaches up to tickle under Lan Wangji’s chin. Soft little scritches, coaxing motions—Lan Wangji is weak to all of them.

“You know what I want,” Wei Wuxian purrs, reaching up on his tiptoes to throw his arms over Lan Wangji’s shoulders. “Call me gege, won’t you? Call me and I’ll stop.”

(or: five times Lan Wangji paid special attention to Wei Wuxian’s interest in being his gege.)

put him on his knees, give him something to believe in by dustyloves | rated E | 2K words | if the title is quoting WAP, then you should know by now it’s gonna be some of that good filth

The next time Wei Ying kisses him, Lan Zhan is careful again. Wei Ying seems determined to make it very difficult.

the hard way by dustyloves | rated E | 9K words

"Anyway, you make it sound like something lewd is going on," Wei Ying complains. "It's all totally above board. She's just being a nice person. It's just one kind alpha grad student offering one room of her huge house to one beta undergrad in need, what could be more appropriate than that?"

// Wei Ying makes a mistake and finds out the hard way.

Exhibition by sevenless | rated E | 5K words

“Oh?” Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow. “The forbidden section, Lan Zhan?”

“Mn.”

“You’re not afraid of being heard?” Wei Wuxian thinks aloud. A smirk creeps onto his face, eyes glinting. “Or could it be that Lan-er-gongzi actually wants to be heard? Seen? Caught?” He skips in front of him, blocking his way. "Disciplined?”

Lan Wangji’s ears, as always, betray him.

a history of the body by northofallmusic | rated E | 14K words

Wei Ying's body hurts sometimes; she lets Lan Zhan help her.

A fic about the complicated nature of having a body, and also the versatility of sex toys.

(our friendship) up against the ropes by daltoneering | rated E | 36K words

The reboot completes, and Wei Ying’s brain smashes this information together into two mind-shattering thoughts. Number one, he knew very well already, and is now further seared by defined muscles and a mouth-watering tattoo into his every waking moment: Lan Zhan is the hottest fucking person on the planet.

Number two: that guy wasn’t visiting Lan Zhan’s neighbour, he was visiting Lan Zhan, which means:

Lan Zhan fucks. Lan Zhan fucks. Lan Zhan fucks.

;

Lan Zhan has been Wei Ying's best friend for years. Literally, years. How did he not already know? How has he missed this most important of facts? And more importantly, how is he ever going to get over it?

watching my heart go round by typefortydeductions | rated E | 38K+ words | WIP (2/4 chapters, last updated 5/2/21) | lan zhan i love you baby 💞

Lan Zhan falls apart. As it turns out, that's not the end.

~

oh man this list is so long sd;jfkdsjfhhh

yati, i hope you find some stuff in this pile here that you’ll enjoy! it's not an exhaustive list, so check out the authors’ other works and bookmarks for more goods, if you feel so inclined 😙💕

[twilightknight17]

We’re at the end of the road, folks.

And god damn, I feel so validated by my Sojiro characterization. Wow. Thanks for basically making me canon for ten more seconds, Atlus. XDDD

So when last we left our intrepid heroes, they were laying at the bottom of the Jail of the Abyss, because Ichinose is an asshole. So we had to fight our way back up, carrying Sophia’s unconscious body. Which wasn’t that bad; the Jail isn’t very big. We left Sophia at the door to keep her safe, and then charged back into the hall of the Ark to hack Ichinose’s exploding crystal box thing.

Ichinose doesn’t understand why we came back.

So, yeah. I guess like... bizarro-world Maruki? Maruki wanted to alleviate suffering by granting everyone’s wishes. EMMA’s going to make it so that people can’t wish for anything.

After a kick-ass hacking battle set to the new version of Rivers in the Desert, Ichinose yells at us about our right to judge. Why should humanity keep this painful world, just because WE’RE strong? Just because we’ve never screwed up or suffered?

Which, clearly she has no idea who the fuck she’s talking to.

We’ve worked too hard to listen to that kind of bullshit.

Ichinose proclaims that “humans don’t need hearts” and charges up the laser crystal to blast us again, and Sophia steps in to block the attack. She’s still fighting Ichinose’s control even though Ichinose insists that she’s just a faulty prototype.

Apparently Ichinose created Sophia in the first place because she spent a lifetime being called a heartless doll, so she made an AI to help her learn about the heart.

I think you’re the problem, but not for the reasons everyone else is saying.

But she got angry when Sophia started asking questions of her own and basically tossed her aside, until EMMA found her and dropped her into the Shibuya Jail.

And Sophia, unlike her creator, has learned and grown, and is tired of being given orders. She’s ready to make her own choices.

That is certainly a persona.

I gotta admit, they got me. I was wondering why Sophia didn’t have her arcana yet, but for some reason, I also wasn’t expecting her to get a proper persona. I’m now wondering about the implications of someone being able to code an AI capable of developing a soul that can summon a persona. There’s a zero percent chance that Ichinose had any access to plumes of dusk, which are the reason that Aigis and Labrys gained enough consciousness to have personas. So Sophia is legitimately a miracle piece of technology.

Pandora is an interesting choice, but I dunno if I can articulate that beyond a surface-level, “Oh, because she’s Hope, and Hope was still in the box.”

I swear to god, every major villain in this game is trying to be Goro Akechi. For the last goddamn time, we don’t kill people. Get up, Ichinose. We’re leaving.

Ryuji literally grabs her by the arm and drags her out, because she’s trying to stay behind. Which just confirms for me that if Goro hadn’t put up that bulkhead door, we’d have dragged his stupid ass out of the Ship, too. XD

Back to the real world, and Tokyo is blacking out, and the Tower is losing its shit.

The metaverse is fusing with reality, the Tower is becoming the Tree of Knowledge, and hell yes we are climbing this tower after all!

Morgana points out that this is the same thing that happened last year, and Zenkichi freaks out a little bit.

You’re lucky you moved to Kyoto, sir. You missed quite a bit.

I love these kids, though. They’ve got so much black humor about this whole god thing.

The metaverse encroaching on reality means that everyone has to cram into the bus in their thief gear. Zenkichi, please. Your hat. Sir.

I love climbing this tower. I’ve been here, too! Also they have butter. XD

I was expecting the Mementos version of the lower observation deck, and instead I got some weird amalgam between Mementos and Azathoth’s boss chamber.

We had to fight Metatron as the guardian of the last elevator, which is another parallel to Yaldabaoth’s archangels. And then it’s up to what I guess used to be the high observation deck to fight the big box.

EMMA insists that all humanity wants is to let it give them all the answers, and it throws them into some sort of alternate fog world full of the voices of the public.

The Thieves are all separated, trapped in the fog. Each of them has to find their way out, and they realize that the fog of the Desires is protecting EMMA. EMMA knows exactly how calling cards work, so they won’t work on her. Instead, the Thieves decide that they need to send the calling card to the public, so that they’ll become aware of their desires again and the desires will crystalize.

...oh come on, Atlus. We’re right in the endgame.

One last hacker battle to break into EMMA’s server room in the tower, and Futaba and Ichinose manage to hack EMMA itself to deliver a calling card to everyone at once.

Love you, Zenkichi. We’ve taken out two gods already. We’re good.

Confronting the Ark again reveals a bunch of freaky tentacle arms grabbing the desires, and then the box turns into some sort of massive figure that looks sort of like Yaldabaoth, except less robot and more seraphim. It literally names itself the Demiurge, so I feel like EMMA may be drawing something from the lingering dregs of Yald’s influence? It’s cool.

Clearly no one told you what happened to the last false god that thought it knew what was best for humanity. ;) “Hope binds humanity to misery” is bullshit.

After a... not very difficult first phase, the Demiurge reveals its true form, and we split into three teams to take out its support orbs (modeled after the sephirot) and the main body.

I really liked the setup for the last boss. The teams were the first instance where it was really apparent that the whole team was fighting together. Each of the three battles was happening concurrently, and destroying the orbs has a concrete effect on the main fight. I wish we’d gotten to do things like this more often, especially during the Shadow Thieves fight.

That said, the main body was actually the easiest part of the fight? All the attacks were really telegraphed, and not particularly hard to avoid. Except for the spear jab.

But it finished off with a full-team all-out attack, and that was awesome.

The desires began to return to their owners, and we get to bask in a job well done once again.

Upon returning to the real world, it’s the next morning. Sophia’s happy that she got to be a hero, Zenkichi’s heading off to properly arrest Owada, and the rest of us need to head home, because we were supposed to be home last night. Zenkichi can’t figure out why we consider him a phantom thief, since he “only joined [us] to use [us]”. Which is silly. The Phantom Thieves are built on the bonds of friendship and stalking! It’s too late, Zenkichi. You and Akane have been adopted.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t get to tell Akane the truth. That would have been great.

Atlus personally reaches out and pats me on the head, because Sojiro has the absolute perfect reaction to his kids coming home after a nationwide manhunt for them.

I feel so valid making him serve Lavenza coffee and be completely nonplussed about a guy marrying Death. I love him. We’re so lucky to have Sojiro. XDDDD

The next day, the kids have a celebration party for their victory, and learn that Akira is going home the next day. This kid needs to catch a break. He can’t even have a few days to relax with his friends. X’‘‘D

Everyone goes to see off Akira, though we detour to Shibuya to meet Ichinose. A news report shows that Owada was successfully arrested, and apparently Ichinose tried to turn herself in to the police, and they didn’t believe a word of it.

This is just highlighting my issues with Maruki. Even if he doesn’t think he did anything wrong to society as a whole, he never apologizes to them for what he put them through. Especially Akira. Ichinose turns around and helps them stop the final boss, and her last scene is her apologizing to the Thieves and trying to make amends for her actions. Maruki’s last scene is... “If things get bad, you can start over like me! Now we’re even!” We are not.

Sophia leaves to help Ichinose learn about the heart, Akira promises to come back for winter break, the Phantom Thieves go their separate ways once again, and the credits roll.

I’m gonna leave my final impressions in a different post, because this one is long enough already. So... look forward to that?

[menabiss-blog]

ok but imagine: Peter and his friends are about to play some dnd at Peter's but one of the players cancels last minute and there's no time to re-size the campaign and Peter asks Tony to join because, well, he's right there, and obvious awkwardness ensues - for Peter's friends because it's kinda weird to have a dad at the table, and for Peter and Tony additionally because of the obvious reason of their relationship, but it surprisingly turns out to be not a bad kind of awkward, but a sort of wholesome one, and Tony is either impressively good at roleplay or adorably bad, and Peter gets to teach him 5th edition, and Tony is a bit embarrassed at first, but everyone is nice to him - 'cause that's what you do in dnd, you be nice to a noob - and eventually he has that moment of realization that you can really do _anything_ that everyone has with dnd at some point and it is awesome and he becomes a regular in the campaign

and ideally we would go through the whole campaign (not every session, ofc, but, like, general story bits), and in parallel with it in real world Tony and Peter are dealing with some superhero issue, like, maybe Peter gets attacked or something and Tony has to deal with the idea of him putting on a suit again, just because it's safer if nothing else, and they get to investigate whatever the attack was, and there are these fun parallels between the real life and the dnd campaign, like some freaky similarities with the villain, and maybe figuring out some problem in the campaign leads to them solving something in the irl villain plot, and there is this contrast between real danger and dealing with their real problems both with superhero stuff and their relationship stuff - and how free and wholesome dnd feels, because they get to just be themselves without the pressure of a secret relationship and it's nothing like real life stakes and yet still fulfilling, and it lets them see each other as more of their own people, without the father-son thing, and...

...ok ok i'll stop xD

[fic: wicked love] Serious question: Tony and Peter, if you were Dungeons & Dragons characters, which race/class you think each other would be?)

Peter: Oh! That's a fun question. Um, Dad would be an artificer, since they're inventors that need a high Intelligence stat, and he'd spec into the Armorer subclass at the 3rd level, duh. And he'd be a human, which isn't boring; being a human who goes up against all these other characters with special features and can hold his own because of the stuff he built is super cool!

Tony: Wow, kid, you really thought this one through. Anyway, Petey-pie would be a hobbit and a thief, because he's slippery and has a bottomless stomach.

Peter: Hey! …You mean "a halfling rogue."

[heckyeahponyscans]

Yeloli Watch Party!

Season 1, Episode 6:  Please Be My Master

English translation

We return to Shelly, who is reflecting that although the crystal piano her parents gave her is beautiful, it’s not what she wanted for her birthday. But it was still a happy day since her parents were home.

Aha! She pushed the photos apart to set the piano there!  More symbolic evidence that her parents are in a failing marriage!!

Ahem. Peacock then pushes the lid off her box and proudly claims responsibility for making sure they came home.  Since Shelly left her in the box for hours, Peacock got bored and came out on her own.

I don’t understand the rules for the fairy-dolls, with Loli it seemed like she couldn’t move until Mary made a strong commitment to her and protected her from the evil lady in black.  But Peacock’s flitting around the room like it’s nothing.

But to Mary, it is NOT nothing, to Mary it’s freaky because her doll is alive.  Which I thought she already knew, but after looking at the previous episode, all the times Peacock “talked” to her, the two of them were in a liminal space.  So maybe that was a subconscious connection.

I guess Shelly thought Evelyn was just a very, very eccentric woman selling regular dolls.

Anyway, now Peacock is undeniably walking and talking.  Shelly decides (or hopes) she’s dreaming and hides under her sheets.

Unworried, Peacock flies around to get a look at her new home.  She’s pleased to find a huge mirror (“Only a big mirror like this can reflect all my beauty”) but not pleased when . . . the evil woman in black appears in it!!  Dun daa DUNNNN!!!

The evil woman tells Peacock she chose poorly;  Shelly already has many dolls so she’ll neglect Peacock.  “She doesn’t really love you. She’ll never sign a Yeloli Contract.”

Peacock’s reply?  “Bullshit!”  (I assume it’s something milder in the original Chinese, but this still amuses me.  Thank you, Google Translate.)

Peacock tells the mystery woman to get out and throws a compact at the mirror for good measure.

“I’m free since you broke the mirror,” the woman chuckles.  Whoops.

The mysterious woman physically enters the room and summons her spirit-leopards.  Shelly hears the noise, peeks her head out, and dives right back under the bedsheets.  Now she REALLY hopes she’s dreaming!

But she isn’t, and the leopards tears the sheets away.  

Before the beast can bite Shelly, Peacock swoops in front of her and summons a magical shield.  But Peacock’s magic is in a weakened state and her shield won’t last long.  

She urges Shelly to enter a Yeloli Contract with her, to power them both up, and Shelly . . . 

. . . runs out of the room.

She dashes downstairs calling for her parents, but of course they left because they are useless.  

“Am I dreaming?” Shelly wonders again, and the evil lady gets philosophical and says, “Shelly, who knows what’s real and what’s not?”  

But she says it as she’s swooping down the stairs, cackling menacingly. (To be fair, she tried subtlety on Mary earlier and it didn’t work.)

The obviously evil woman offers to make Shelly’s wishes come true.  “You must hate that piano.  So what if I destroy it?”  Instead of waiting for an answer, she immediately has her spirit leopard destroy the piano.

Shelly is aghast, but the mysterious woman says she’s not fooling anyone; didn’t she really, in her heart of hearts, hate that piano?  Didn’t it bring her misery?

Shelly admits to herself that it’s true and we get a flashback to Shelly’s mother demanding that she play five hours a day, and Shelly crying because her hands hurt.  Wow!  Your parents suck, Shelly.

The woman in black swoops over to Shelly’s side and promises to use her magic to prevent Shelly’s mother from getting angry and to get her off Shelly’s case about being a pianist, if only she’ll give up Peacock.

At this point Peacock herself swoops into the room and is pounced on by the spirit leopard.  She urges Shelly not to listen to the offer, and indeed Shelly stands up and says, “I will not surrender to you and disappoint my mother.“ 

Ugggggh.  Shelly, I promise you it’s okay to disappoint your horrible mother who won’t let you make any friends.

Well anyway, Peacock rushes over to Shelly and offers her the feather from her headdress so they can enter into a Yeloli Contract.

Perhaps you, like me, have been thinking, “But didn’t she enter a Yeloli Contract to get Peacock from the doll store?”.  Yes, she did.  From what I can tell there are two Yeloli Contracts: the one to get the doll, and the one to power up into magical girl form.  It’s confusing that they’re both called the same thing.

So Shelly and Peacock do enter into Yeloli Contract #2 and Shelly immediately powers up into Magical Girl form.  She gets a cool blue dress and blue hair and of course with all that blue it’s only natural that she has . . . ice powers??

I was so sure she was a Water type Pokemon trainer. At least she can still use Lapras.

Shelly freezes / banishes the spirit leopards and the mysterious woman in black takes this as a sign that she should teleport away.

Returning to her normal form, Shelly worries about the state of the still-broken piano, but no worries--Peacock tells her they’re in a parallel world and all will return to normal when they get back.  (WHAT.)  And sure enough, with a sparkle of magic the piano is back to normal.

Shelly pats the piano and reassures it that she doesn’t hate it, and I, on the other side of the screen, say “Okay but it would be fine if you did, it’s just a piano and your mom makes you play five freaking hours a day.”

We close with Shelly musing that it’s been an extraordinary day and wondering what else awaits her.  Whatever it is, she and Peacock will face it together. 

Overall, this was an action packed episode!  I am still assuming the mysterious woman in the black robes is evil Queen Pandora.  

I’ve noticed she always floats, so maybe she’s getting around Evelyn’s curse (not to be able to come to Earth) on a technicality?  Like, “Oh ho, but I’m not ~actually~ touching it”?  Or maybe she’s astral projecting or something.

Several episodes have little bits of missing sound, but this one had a LONG stretch during the magical girl transformation that was silent except for incidental sound effects (like magic sparkle sounds).  Unclear why!

[wo-wann-was-wer]

WHAT I WAS THINKING: DARK SEASON 3 EDITION

EPISODE 1:

Who are these dudes with the harelip and what do they want

Why did she just take him to a cave and leave that’s kinda rude

So everything in this universe is just gonna be backwards. Love it

Ugh I’ve said this a million times but this show has such Fringe energy and I can’t wait to get a tattoo for this too

This is super freaking me out, i dont like that everyone’s in everyone else’s house.

Ooooh Katharina with glasses yes girl you better work.

I like Michael and this hat he’s rocking

Super into the fact that magnus and fransizka are involved in this universe too

There’s nothing cuter than sex before school. Ahhh the nostalgia

Ten bucks says that Hannah gets out of this bed and is pregnant

Fucking YEP

I am loving Martha in this Jonas journey

I know that all they did was flip the lens of the camera but my brain is breaking at this flipped Winden

Who the fuck is this random dude Martha is with

You know what he kind of looks like Jonas. I wonder if that's relevant or if I'm just grasping at straws

Bartosz looks like he's going to his first grade violin recital

I straight up just did not recognize Charlotte with makeup. She looks hot

There's got to be another person in that picture other than Ulrich because that's a lot of space to rip out for one person

okay hold up Woller looks so good and then when I saw that he was missing an arm I almost lost my fucking mind

Oh shit okay Hannah is living in Katharina's house.

Oh my God are Ulrich and Charlotte having an affair

Is it normal in Germany for kids to just walk into classes that aren't there’s and just sit down

follow up he has a clear noose mark on his neck

Aleksander looks so hot with this beard. universe B is the fucking glow up universe

It's weirding me out that the whole school is black and gray instead of light brown

The look of satisfaction on katharina's face

Wow honestly Louis just broke my heart with his facial expression when he realized his mom didn't know who he was

he looks so scared

Yes yes do it afffffffffair

Oh no you done got found out!!!

Oh the theme of the play here is red and set of gold

Fransizka looks so cute in this little outfit

Oh my God she's deaf!!!!

What the fuck. the fact that this actress can talk is blowing my mind

RIP to Regina a real queen

Peter's a fucking priest

All the fucking weird-ass freaky motherfucking trio is back

The dopplers have the same house That's cool

excuse me sir I think your child is broken

these guys are so creepy What the fuck

I definitely don't like the piano wire

oh this motherfucker is the one who gets lost

I feel like winden in this universe is just a little bit fancier

Well Charlotte and Ulrich just be fucking like crazy

Bartosz is the Jonas of this group and I love it

who was that??????

I cannot get over Aleksander in this beard

I like that things are opposite but they also have things that are different enough.

Like I'm so into the fact that they all went down into the bunker

who in the unholy fuck is that. who is that

Oh shit old Martha

What the fuck is this Tannhaus’ factory we're at

hold up Martha's in 1888

What the fuck. why is Jonas in 1888 and looking SO good

EPISODE 2:

casually sitting over your bed watching you sleep

he's look so good though

yo what the fuck everybody else is there too

Oh no things got really ugly at Mads’ wake

Not for nothing but Tronte is a dick

I kind of don't understand why Claudia would want Regina to live in such pain in this type of universe

Peter is such a good boy

lurking is the freaking national past time of this place

Oh shit we got some spin-off timeline stuff good

who is This is blind guy

I love Katharina so fucking much

I know what she's thinking and it's the same thing I'm thinking which is can I kill a child

why does this picture of Tronte make him look like Jimmy Smits

Katharina looks amazing in this jacket

Also I definitely did not just start yelling GO GET YOUR MAN KATHARINA

Regina just gets more and more badass as time goes on. Also all of the women of the tiedemann family are so fucking badass

I am so excited to watch this fucking relationship develop. they're both too cute

awwww he's using signs!

oh they're writing back and forth

DAMNIT PETER

I always feel like little Noah should do fuckboy sign offs when he leaves rooms because he's so smooth

yesterday Laurel said that this was back to the future but serious and just now Bartosz said it's not super easy to get nuclear fuel in 1888 and now I think that Laurel's right

I will never get over how good he looks JONAAAASSSSSSS

This guy feels like the OG inventor of sic mundus right

Katerina why are you even trying to check in at the front desk bitch Go and get your man

Is this Katarina's mom why does she just recognize that woman's name

everyone on the show is so talented.I spend the whole damn time being like oh my god the performances on the show and it's like yeah we know

Katerina get your man

I literally love them so much look at the look on her face She is a mama bear She is not going to let anybody take her man or her children and I love her

Not a huge fan of people who quote Shakespeare right before they kill other people or am I an enormous fan of people who use Shakespeare right before they kill other people

using a garotte to kill someone is ugly as fuck

I feel so bad for Jana

see this is one of the reasons why I'm like why would you bring Regina back to this world.

wowwwww TRONTE what's up dude

YO WHAT

Oh so how did Charlotte get back there but Elizabeth's still there too. didn't they switch places?

oh the head bump

Not excited for the mother daughter abuse stuff that's about to happen

I love these split sequences that they do at the end

anytime somebody stands and stairs for a lonely at a spot on the ground I assume to somebody died there

Oh shit that guy is a tannhausokkkk I see you

a religious images we love to see it.

This show is a whole series of pause that frame.

No I ruined something for myself!!!!

EPISODE 3

got to love those through and through Ariadne references

okay so Charlotte's great great grandfather has her watch?

who are these horrible traveler human beings

they look like less sexy Francis dolarhydes

I can't get over the fact that wollers missing an arm here I swear

we ARE the glitch BITCH

alternate universe Ulrich is a better person than standard Ulrich

what's this new like zoom-y thing they're doing

I was attracted to Magnus at this jump of the show but he looks better with dark hair

How did they not all die of fucking flu

eternally repeating deja vu

I looked at the production stills and I was like what the fuck is this hair do that Moritz has but he looks amazing

Also everyone on this show deserves an acting award

and Magnus is wearing a skeleton sweater

Hannah does that deep dive detective work any bitch knows the Nose doesn't lie

why doesn't anybody want to fuck wöller

omgggg eat the RICH

also he has that x tattoo on his hand that represents the no future thing

oh the light is rectangular and not circular ooooooh fancy

The show is also a lot of people catching each other's wrists as they walk away

I knew we couldn't trust this bitch

What did he give her

I love the parallels and characters behaviors between universe a and universe b

I want to know how Noah factored into all of this on this side

Martha has a type and her type is iconically Aryan

Oh Aleksander's back with that beard he's back

Hannah is such a snake

Omg that's her!!!!! I thought she was a trans actress.. hm. not super happy bout that :/

What is Helge talking about Ulrich did what??? omg

I would be like SIR DO WE NEED TO FIGHT STOP FOLLOWING ME

I stopped taking notes for the last half of that episode cuz I was really sucked in haha

EPISODE 4

FIRST OF ALL I'D LIKE TO GO ON RECORD THAT I DON'T CARE FOR THESE GENTLEMEN AT ALL

second of all why is this guy being like oh I took your name

why does he have Agnes's bracelet I don't like that

I don't like anything about this guy That's the end of the story

Also hold up a red hot second is Agnes dead cuz if so that's a hate crime

see what did I say

I knew that Hannah was going to get involved with Egon

from the second she walked in that office I was like that bitch has her eye on him and as she should he's handsome as fuck

Also he spoils her so much more than any other man she's ever been with AKA is Egon the only man she ever deserved

Is Hannah going to develop a heart cuz I'm not sure how I feel about that

Also what happens if Hannah gets pregnant

why is Ines a bitch I thought she was mad cool the beginning and now I feel fucking deceived

Also it's such a sweet gig that The kids who are playing kids can now play teenagers

poor Doris. Also he was shitty to her but he was far nicer than I would have been

Doris is so beautiful it's bullshit

older Magnus is so handsome

All I wanted was middle-aged Martha

bitch you have been having unprotected sex with him why do you think that pregnancy was not on the tabl

I'm like who's this guy in the church if it's not Noah I bet it's that little bitch

yeah I fucking knew it

Is this the dude that was married to Agnes I feel like this guy isn't real or something

I'm not surprised he let her go but I don't know why I'm not surprised. I feel like she's important to his timeline and I'm not sure why

look at these relationships forming between these sweet little bab

Hannah looks good in this red. Hannah looks good in all of these styles. 

who is this child

I like that already as a child Bernd had his eye on Claudia as someone who was smart and had a ton of potential

 I keep forgetting that I'm taking notes because I get so invested in episodes

Also I realize the zoomi thing which is going back and forth between the universes

Is Agnes Silja’s mom And if so with whom 

he gave her Agnes’ bracelet that dope All right Tronte

Wow Claudia needs to back off her man

Claudia force him into a relationship with her

I fucking hate Hannah but sometimes she speaks so much sense

ooh I don't need anyone Yes girl that's true You don't need anyone You needing people was what made you act fucking crazy You don't need anybody

This was always my big problem with Hannah was that I initially identified with her because she was such a survivor but then she did such horrible reprehensible things I just couldn't let it go and I absolutely couldn't identify with her anymore

Oh here's my daddy Noah looking so good

I mean okay so I have been in this position before where I was cheating and then my man cheated on me and I was like how dare you but also you cannot be mad if your partner cheats on you when you cheated too. You both fucked up

Is Hannah going to have a redemption arc cuz that's a lot

Oh my God she's not going to get rid of this child is she

Oh my great God I cannot believe that she gave Helene that necklace. 

I knew she was fucking connected to Katharina in the older generation I knew it

Louis and Lisa are a super cute couple and I know that they're not dating in real life but I think that they're very cute together

Oh everybody fucking

yeah they created the Apocalypse yeah

Oh no they have a child outside of worlds that's a mess How does that work so they had they gave birth to that ugly fuck

honestly I hate that he's their child for the most part just because he's ugly as fuck and neither of them are ugly as fuck so it makes me mad.

[saladbarselectionmenu]

Horses are Tyrian cryptids

Halloween 2020 prompt 1: cryptids @tyrias-library

Listen this is technically late but I just wanted to write about horses as cryptids because it remains the funniest thing in the world to me that tyria is just, completely horseless and lets be real horses are absolutely terrifying when you actually think about them.

(X) this is the noise I was envisioning the horse to be making, for those of you who like me have never really heard a horse being mad, enjoy this new weird knowledge you have of exactly how freaky and reptilian they sound. I also understand better the idea of sounding “hoarse.”

if im hyperlinking this right you can read on Ao3 Here (X) Otherwise click to continue!

Evening on the ranch is quiet - with the skyscales fed and cared for the only sounds filtering through the kitchen were the soft clicks of a knife on a chopping board as Amadaria prepared dinner and the faint, nearly imperceptible hum of Emerics data pad. The gentle scene washed in the swaying golden light of sunset where it filtered through the trees.

“THERE’S A HORSE AT THE WATERFALL.” Cheza shrieks as she crashes through the door, her momentum nearly sending her head over heels and saving her from the knife that goes sailing out the open door around where her head was a moment before.

The kitchen pauses any previous activity save for Cheza panting furiously for breath, Amadaria quickly retracting her arm back down before clearing her throat, “A horse, Cheza?” The young sylvari bobbles her head, desperation and excitement beaming from her face and posture as she waves her arms erratically out the door, “It has to be! It looks like a centaur but it has no arms! Just a big, long face and these weird teeth!” she says, putting her hands up in front of her face, parallel to each other with wrists close to her mouth and fingers pointing outwards before wiggling them back and forth in what apparently approximate teeth to her? Amadaria wasn’t sure but knew better than to ask why exactly that meant teeth or it’d be several more hours before they got back to the possible horse sighting.

“Ah, I thought horses were extinct? Or so close to that they may as well have been, Are you sure you didn't see some kind of monstrous deer?” Emeric suggests gently, “we are after all in melandru’s domain, there are a few massive versions of animals here and horses haven't been sighted in hundreds of years at the least.” “No way! This thing didn’t look anything like a deer, not even like Hellal! It’s legs were way too thick, and it’s tail was this big, long thing! Like human hair instead of like a deer's cute little tail, and it’s hooves were wrong and so was it’s face! There’s no way it was anything but a horse,” Cheza paused then as a new idea visibly crossed her mind, hands fisting by her chest in excitement, her eyes and face literally lighting up like a lightbulb with her bright, white glow, “or maybe, a new species?!” “A horse would be more likely, it even sounds like you got a good look at it” Amadaria interrupts, deciding to put that idea to rest before it could take hold and leave the younger disappointed. Switching her attention to Emeric before continuing. “As you say this is the living section of Dragonfall and if there's anywhere a horse is going to be found it’s in the ruins of the human nature God domain.” she switches her attention back to Cheza then, raising the ridge of one ‘eyebrow’ “The real question is whether it was alive or not.” The youngest pauses, face scrunching as she recalls. Her glow dimming slightly as she thought, “I think so,” she says finally, “It wasn’t glowing or giving off that mist like the guardians here do, but sometimes I think things here get confused on whether they’re dead or not too.” Amadaria nods, clapping her hands together and drying them off on a towel, “Well then, sounds like we have a new sighting to find!” Chezas glow and expression flicks right back up to megawatt standards. ---

Crouched in the trees atop their skyscales, Cheza visibly vibrating with excitement atop her shimmerwing while Emeric clung to Amadarias back as if the slightest shift would send him plummeting to his death at the end of the maybe fifteen foot fall, Amadaria has to admit that Cheza does, in fact, seem to have found a horse. Something no one had managed in either the campaign against Kralkatorrik nor in the intervening near year of the island being studied and inhabited.

There at the edge of the waterfall pool, drinking from the water and paying absolutely zero attention to the three people crouched on dragons fifty feet away from it stood a truly bizarre looking creature.

Long, thick legs with chunky cowlike hooves stretched almost six feet leading into a body covered in short gleaming chestnut fur stretched over an almost ridiculous amount of muscle. Sure enough it’s tail was a swath of overlong but graceful hair, flicking back and forth lazily at nothing.

The horse’s strangest feature however had to be on the front. Amadaria was old enough for most of her visions of The Dream to have come and gone, leaving it a smear of memory in her mind slowly losing its clarity, with Ventari more of a memory imprint than properly remembered. She had, however, seen more than enough centaur in her waking life to find the lack of torso jutting from the creatures front to be particularly jarring.

Instead its wide neck arched down into an oblong head with pointed ears and the truly impressive but blunt teeth Cheza had tried to imitate in the kitchen. It’s eyes were wide, dark and shining. Much like a deer or a goat they popped bulbously out to either side of it’s head.

“Should we try and catch it?” Cheza hissed, the horses ear flicking in their direction before it went back to ignoring them.

“Maybe we should wait and see if it has a herd?” Emeric suggested, daring to lean forward to get an inches closer look.

“We might lose it. Go for catch and release and we’ll get a tracking tag on it. That way we can follow it’s movements too.” she tapped Emerics hands and shifted so he could let her go, a practised shuffle leaving him with the reigns in hands and Amadaria on the branches of the tree. A shimmer of light later her crystalline wings were half furled and ready for take off. 

“Herd it towards the roots and I'll see if I can get on it’s back for implanting the chip.”

The other two nod and launch, the horse suddenly paying attention as the two dragons sweep around the outer edges of the pond and cut off it’s escape. Emeric hovering low to the ground and stopping it retreating as Cheza sped in to herd it forward. The horse took off like a shot with a sound not unlike a raptor - sprinting head long at the tree but not without trying to force Cheza from the sky, rearing and swerving like it wanted to catch the skyscales wings in it’s teeth or under its hooves and wasn’t picky which.

Quicker than she would have thought the three are near enough to Amadaria for her to leap off onto it as it sprints past the roots of her tree, the creature coming to a sudden stop with a spray of water and leaping into the air as soon as her arms get around its neck. Bucking, writhing and rearing the creature does its absolute best to get her off and - if the way its eyes were rolling in fury were any indication - trample her to death under its hooves.

Thankfully the tracking gun is an easy application, Amadaria shimmies up it’s back and snags the ear in the pincers of the gun, a quick button later and the horse is tagged with the small blinking light that indicates an active tracking signal. The horse lets out another growl like snort at deafening volume and slams itself onto all fours, getting ready to buck. Using it to her advantage Amadaria uses the extra force to boost herself into the air just a bit higher than a normal take off would allow and soars up out of the furious creatures reach. The animal stomped and reared at her where she hovered a good forty feet above it, giving off one last truly atrocious noise before galloping off as Cheza and Emeric circled back around to meet her on the ground.

Her feet thumping down on landing nearly cover up the sound of her heart in her ears, exhilaration racing through her veins as Amadaria meets the others excited grins with a buoyant beam of her own, “I think we can call that a success!” she laughed.

Cheza cheered as Emeric beamed his own proud smile down at Amadaria. “How does it feel to be the first person to ride a horse in the last few hundred years?” he asked. Another giddy laugh bubbled out of her, unstoppable in her mirth, “Probably about as good as it feels to be the first to see one! I can’t wait to see the looks the other Priory members will have when they hear about this!” She grins up at Cheza, “You have first sight so you get final say on the name of the paper, any thoughts?” Two weeks later the first chapter of “The Shrieking Menace - an account of the rediscovery of horses by Cheza, Amadaria and Emeric” rolls out to datapads across the continent, resulting in renewed clamour for research opportunities on the island and a spike of funding from quite a few human nobles.

[thelazeenthusiast]

I absolutely loved @thefirstmillionwords story blurb 'A Dewdrop In Time' and ugh, it was so difficult to accept that there was no complete novel behind it. Their writing's so good, I wish they could have written it. I was trying to sleep the day before and a random dialogue kept popping up in head related to it since i couldn't stop thinking about it, so i went and wrote this short story :')

She ran and ran and ran. Convinced she was being followed, but refusing to stop and look back. Her mind was blank, had been so for a while now. There should be fear, and panic, but there was nothing. She ran aimlessly, her bare, round feet starting to bleed green, she was panting heavily, as if she had been running her whole life. She could feel her heartbeat everywhere, her whole body was thrumming with it. 

She should probably stop, she knew, but she felt like she couldn't. Suddenly, her foot hit something hard enough to bruise and she stumbled, falling face first to the ground. She heard herself whimper as she pulled herself to her elbows, wincing from where she had skinned her palms and the corner of her eye. There was a warm, rotting body beside her. It looked like a young man. She stared, hardly blinking, for a few slowed down seconds, then jerked, as if pulled out of a trance and crawled backwards frantically until she hit a wall. She recognised the blown apart structure of the Production Center, her Center, the place she had worked at for the last five years of her life. It was no more than a pile of rubble, a skeleton, with just the outer walls of the dome-shaped building typical of Corbulon architecture standing erect. Shuddering, she rubbed her hands over her face and allowed her body to wind down from the run. 

She heard explosions, screaming, crying, in the distance. There was an enemy aircraft with it's strange flat design hovering overhead, blinking red and blaring an ear splitting horn as some sort of warning signal. A Sphere, looking formidable with all its weapons cocked, flew close, within sight of the enemy aircraft then made a quick u-turn, going back the way it came from, as if baiting the aircraft away from the main city. Sure enough, the strange looking, foreign ship followed. 

She let her eyes wander towards blue clad Planetary Defense soldiers, shouting orders, urging civilians to take cover and firing Fission Guns at advancing enemy troops. She spotted several Planetary Defenses' manned CamouPods lurking behind the destruction, lying in wait for the enemy's almost emotionless troopers to cross another line of defense. They had come further than anyone had thought possible. The PD had clearly made a mistake in underestimating the Humans and their Androids.

Her jaw locked itself and she closed her eyes. It was all so loud. Her city, her world had never been this loud. Corbulo was being ravaged around her. 

Her mind remained blank still.

When no one came looking for her for the next few minutes, she opened her tired eyes, wishing she had died in the initial attack so she could have been kept from seeing everything she loved be destroyed. 

She was reminded of the bouquet. With trembling hands, she pulled it out of her pouch. The once lovely Morning Dewdrops were now nothing more than charred, black stalks crumpling under her grip. She sucked in a sharp breath at their sight, opening her fingers to minimise further damage. And suddenly, just like that, a tidal wave of emotion flooded her whole being and tears fell from her eyes like rain drops, one after another, too fast to count. For some reason, the most dominant emotion was that of guilt at being more upset over the fate of a few flowers than that of a real person lying dead not so far away. She wept and wept, shedding silent tears as she carefully, so as not to turn them to dust, hugged the remaining bouquet close to her chest. 

"Andrea." A familiar voice croaked after an infinite amount of time.

With a jolt, she shoved the burnt flowers back in her pouch, wiped frantic hands at her face and stood up to face him.

Styrin looked awful. His pure white Corbulon skin was flushed blue-green with fatigue, he was bleeding almost everywhere, the green of the blood in stark, unnerving contrast with the rest of his skin, his clothes were blackened and torn, he stood leaning too much on his right leg and he was layered in dust and grime. Yet, to Andrea's bemusement, he took a step forward and gave her a wide, relieved smile.

"I've been looking for you for ages. I–" he swallowed, "–I'm glad you're okay."

Entirely without her consent, tears began to fall anew upon hearing the sincerity and affection in his words.

"I'm sorry," she choked. "I'm so sorry."

His smile vanished. "Andrea–"

"The Morning Dewdrops… the bouquet. It's gone. They burned it." She cried, bringing her hands up to cover her face, unable to continue looking at him.

"Oh." She heard him say softly. Biting her lips, she tried to keep herself from losing all control. That would be worse. She would prove herself weak, she would prove to him that she was indeed not worthy of the greatest gift anyone had ever received. That she was not worthy of his loyalty and love. She knew why that stoic, remorseless Human had destroyed the flowers and let her go. It knew how valuables the flowers were, knew that they were a symbol and in the right hands, could rally ordinary people into an invincible force it was smart enough to fear. But it also knew those right hands were not hers. It had seen her worth in her own eyes.

She felt a cool hand on her arm, and then another, and she knew he was just inches away. She could hear his heartbeat. 

"Andrea, look at me." Styrin coaxed, his voice smooth and confident and strong. How was he always so strong? 

Swallowing down against a lump of emotion, Andrea slid her hands down and away from her face. His round, orange-gold eyes bright with earnestness were the first things she saw.

"They were flowers, Andrea. They were bound to wilt and die sooner than later."

She noticed how often he said her name, as if reassuring himself she's actually there. She chose to ignore the way her heart constricted and then swelled. Her stomach dropped and then flipped.

"You are the one who matters. You are the one we need."

Andrea choked back a sob at the words. He was murmuring so soft, it was almost a whisper. 

Styrin shuffled closer still and bent his head, leaning his forehead gently against hers. She forgot to breathe.

"Also, say the word and I'll travel through history all over again to make you another bouquet." He grinned. 

Oh, Styrin. Andrea pulled back her head and stepped out of his grasp, her heart, her stomach, her mind wreaking havoc inside her. Trembling slightly, she shook her head.

"I can't. I can't do it, Styrin. It's too much. All this… this expectation, it's all for nothing. I can't do it. It's too much responsibility. I'm just– just an ordinary woman. I can't do it, I can't. I can't–" she rambled mindlessly, willing her tears to stay in.

Styrin stepped close again but didn't touch her.

"It's okay, Andrea. It's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just thought…" he bit his lip, obviously trying his best to sound comforting. "I just thought my men could learn from you. You give and give, Andrea. You have so much to give. But it's okay. We can– I can go back in time and do it so all this never happened. You were never involved. Or I can take you to a safe house. I know of a few these quasi-intelligent Humans and their freaky androids can never breach. It's your choice."

It sounded so simple. She could sit out the whole war in a safe house or just have him reset everything by going back in time. But then she won't remember him. She won't remember his shy smiles, his unrelenting resolve, his brilliantly expressive orange-gold eyes and his unwavering affection. She won't remember him. She shuddered involuntarily. 

"But you said the parallel universe you landed yourself in was a utopia because of me. Because I stood up and rallied people." Andrea frowned, at a loss as to what to do.

"That's the thing," Styrin smiled, "I only saw the one parallel universe. There are innumerable more that I didn’t see. It means there are innumerable possibilities for the future. Maybe there is one where someone else stood up, or where you didn't exist at all. Or," he snorted derisively, "where I didn’t meddle with time and none of this happened. There's a fifty fifty probability of things turning out okay in each of those universes. Just because I saw a particular one doesn’t mean what happened in that has to be some kind of prophecy. What I'm trying to say Andrea, is that we have a fifty fifty chance of winning too, with or without you." His smile grew wider, the kind that told he knew he should be guilty but he really wasn't. 

Andrea peered at his beaming, ragged face.

"Do you feel guilty, Styrin?" She asked curiously as she took an uncharacteristically bold step closer to him. The rest of the world seemed to go out of focus.

His smile turned sad and he sighed. "If I hadn't poked my nose in places it wasn't wanted, the Humans would never have spread as far as they have. They're desperate in their search for a new planet after destroying their own and I practically handed our home to them in silver platter. "

And just like that, all her fears retreated. She realised, the head researcher of the Explore unit of the Planetary Defense and the Commander of Defense Troop Tech, the man who seldom, if ever, displayed pessimism, who seemed to be afraid of nothing and unable to make any mistakes, who'd led battles to victory, who's leadership had saved countless lives, had his insecurities too. Rather unfounded, but still. She realised, as much as he tried to appear strong, he was really just like her, just like everyone else. And if he could work despite his fears, so could she.

She smiled with watery eyes as the world around her started to register once again and leaned forward to brush her lips gently against the side of his face. "It seems, you really can learn a lot from me." She whispered. 

Before he could react, she sidled away, pleased beyond expectation at the confounded look on his face. She slowly sauntered backwards without breaking eye contact and stopped just at the edge of their cover. She reached out a hand towards him, palm up. "Lesson one, Styrin Valzhine, always refrain from piling up unnecessary blame where it is not needed."

As if in a daze, Styrin trudged forward and clasped her hand. When he squeezed it, she felt as if they could do anything, as long as they were together.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #369

Top Ten Favourite Things About Teen Titans Go!

One of the funny things about life is observing elements of circularity. For instance, nearly twenty years ago, my younger brother really got into the original Teen Titans cartoon, and I sort of got into it with him (having a brother ten years younger than yourself is very good for keeping your oar in with kids’ content when you’re supposed to be too old for that sort of thing; as a result, I got to thoroughly enjoy Justice League, Samurai Jack, Harry Potter and lots more stuff that may have otherwise passed me by). I knew who the Titans were but hadn’t read a lot of their comics; the cartoon was my introduction to most of those characters. It was really good, benefited from a tremendous theme tune, and – for its time – quietly revolutionary in how it incorporated anime aesthetics into a western cartoon. Plus it had a cracking voice cast, which – not that I knew it at the time – would become as synonymous with those characters as Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, and Kevin Conroy had done with cartoons I’d watched as a child.

(that’s Optimus, Megatron, and Batman, in case you’re wondering)

Anyway, here we are, eighteen-or-so years later, and Teen Titans is just a beloved long-gone cult classic but bizarre comedic spin-off Teen Titans Go! is a minor phenomenon. The same characters, the same actors, but wilder, weirder, funnier, crazier, way more violent, and – bizarrely – far more integrated into the wider DC Universe. And my kids – especially my eldest daughter – bloody love the show. It is huge in our house. We’ve seen the film, we listen to the songs, they draw their own comics, they roleplay the characters; we have a home-made Raven costume, for god’s sake. I have a six-year-old who knows who Tara Strong is. This is incredible.

As a result, I’ve seen an awful lot (not quite every episode) of Teen Titans Go!. It’s fortunate, then, that it’s fantastic, easily one of the best comic-book cartoon adaptations ever made. It’s not just how funny it is; it’s madcap and self-referential and full of many (many) MANY DC comics references. And great, great songs. And – like I said before – tremendous performances. Teen Titans Go! To the Movies is a great, great movie with great, great songs and many great, great gags, and it’s a mixed blessing that it ended up being released in what may well be Annus Mirabilis for superhero movies: it’s great that it’s mixing it up with Infinity War, Black Panther, and Spider-Verse, but I feel it got overshadowed a bit. Say what you will for the slightly more “serious” original Teen Titans series, but it was the barmy chibi-inspired stepchild that got a movie.

So this week, I’m celebrating what has become my second-favourite superhero cartoon of all time (after Batman: The Animated Series, natch). My ten favourite things about Teen Titans Go!. Enjoy!

The Songs: I tried to pick a song, or some reference or line or scene, but really it’s impossible. The songs are sublime. So great, in fact, that I’ll probably do another Top Ten at some point listing my favourite TTG songs. Really catchy, great lyrics, supremely diverse, and full of references not just to DC but to, well, everything. There’s a song about America that includes the line “Samuel L. Jackson on the stamp”, which makes no sense as far as I can figure, but is just wonderful.

Deep, Deep (DEEP) Cut DC References: it started with the Darkseid doll. A little plush Darkseid doll that’s always leaning against the couch. How cute, how funny; Darkseid, the literal embodiment of evil, but as an adorable snuggly. And then it got deeper, and weirder, and more wild. B’wana Beast. Alternate universe Robins. “That movie where their moms are both called Martha”. The Haunted Tank. The Haunted Tank! What kind of kids’ show references The Haunted Tank?! And then there’s the fact that The Comedian’s blood-stained smiley face badge is on display in the Batcave. Let’s go back over that one: there are Watchmen references in this cartoon for six-year-olds.

Batman and Gordon: the original Teen Titans cartoon pretty much never mentioned any aspect of the universe outside of the five characters, barring one fleeting visual reference to the Batcave and the episode where you meet the Doom Patrol. TTG has no qualms about explaining that, yes, Robin is Batman’s sidekick. So we see the Batcave, and Wayne Manor, and Alfred. But it’s Batman’s relationship with Gordon that’s golden. Not just stoic men’s men who diligently work alongside one another, never questioning, never needing to; no, they’re best mates, giggling schoolkids who want to shirk off all work and just sit in their PJs watching crap on the telly. Like a superheroic version of Beavis and Butt-Head, they’re often there, in the background, goofing off, playing games, undercutting the narrative. It’s such a perfect inversion of Batman’s usual persona and a great way of referencing – in supremely silly terms – the deep bond of affection between the two men in most Batman fiction. I especially like when Superman gives Gordon to Batman as a birthday present.

The Night Begins to Shine: I know I said I wouldn’t single out one song, but we do need to talk about The Night Begins to Shine. More than just a cool song in one episode, it blossomed into a whole weird parallel universe filled with bizarre references to ‘80s heavy metal and, well, Heavy Metal. Almost coming off like a primary school version of Mandy, the multi-part epic about Cyborg fighting a giant dragon in the “Night” universe, complete with cameos from people like CeeLo Green and Fall Out Boy (as Transformers!), is just a thing of absolute beauty. Truly, the level of reference and artistry on display in terms of writing, composition, and animation won’t be understood by the kids watching now until they’re quite a bit older. They’ll come back to this in ten, fifteen, twenty years and think “wow, now I see what they were doing; that’s so, so weird”.

The Holiday Mascots: belligerent Santa is the king (“you garbage kids!”), a fat psychopath trying to take over every other holiday, but let’s spare a thought for the other representations of holidays, too. The creepy Tooth Fairy, who eats teeth. The turkey from Thanksgiving who is horribly mutilated. Uncle Sam. And the Easter Bunny. Oh my god, the Easter Bunny. Genuinely unsettling. Words can’t describe. Seriously, check it out, it’s some Babadook-level freaky shit.

Raven’s Legs: a little bit worrying when you’ve got two kids under seven watching it, but the fact that Raven is not just hiding very, very sexy legs underneath her cloak, but is also capable of becoming an entirely other superhero who uses her legs as weapons, is very, very funny. Watching Beast Boy go full Tex Avery when he sees Raven’s legs is one of those gags that, I guess, works on different levels if you’re a child or an adult. Regardless, turning snarky sourpuss Raven into golden-costumed Lady Legasus is a nice move.

Breaking the Fourth Wall: they only really do this explicitly once or twice, I think, but overall the show is incredibly self-referential. From Control Freak trying to get them rebooted or cancelled, to jokes about the animation or the writing, it’s beautifully self-deprecating. This reaches its apex in the 200th episode specials, when the Titans journey into “our” world. It’s hilarious to see them interact with their own voice actors, but for me it’s the note-perfect representation of directing voice actors that’s really funny, almost as good as Toast of London in its depiction. Plus the gag about everyone who works on the show being ultimately replaceable. A scathing indictment of the animation industry, wrapped up in an animation; like The Simpsons in its heyday.

Genuinely Quite Upsetting Violence: I don’t think I’d ever seen a cartoon for small children before that quite regularly featured its main characters having their bones visibly broken. And by “visibly” I mean “cutting to an X-ray of their limb to show the bone shearing in half or crumpling to dust”. It’s almost rare for an episode to go by without one or more of the Titans experiencing life-altering injuries. I’m honestly not sure how they get away with it. but it is funny. Apex moment? Oh, undoubtedly them beating the shit out of Shia LaBeouf in the movie.

Real-World References: clearly the people who make Teen Titans Go! are in their late thirties or early forties; people who grew up in the ‘80s and absorbed ‘80s culture. People who liked Transformers and Star Wars and Back to the Future, who listened to rock music, who liked toys and videogames. They probably grew into teenagers who were fans of obscure animations, cult movies, sci-fi, fantasy, horror. They are, basically, me. I think I would get on quite well with the creators of TTG, based on the things they reference. But beyond cultural appropriation, it’s the references to daylight saving’s time, “shareconomics”, American politics and history, “The Man”, and more, that is so wild and weird to see in a cartoon for young kids. They handle these topics beautifully (I’m honestly not sure if my kids think the things the Titans are talking about are real or not), but as a grown-up it’s really funny to see these gags in a kids’ cartoon. I mean, the Titans fight the Illuminati in one episode. They reference “lizard men in Congress”. It’s bonkers.

Nicolas Cage: in Teen Titans Go! To the Movies, Nicolas Cage plays Superman. That’s it. I mean, what more do you want? The guy whose whole career almost seems to have hinged on playing Superman finally gets to be Superman. The guy who was nearly – oh so nearly – Superman for Tim Burton is now, at last, Superman. The guy who named his kid Kal-El is now Superman. The guy who was namechecked in The Ultimates about eighteen years ago (“this guy wants to be a superhero almost as much as Nicolas Cage”) is now Superman. It’s such a meta-gag, such a high-level gag. Stunt casting taken to its nth degree. It’s even funnier than Billy Dee Williams playing Two-Face in LEGO Batman. And it got better – this part, I concede, beyond the purview of the TTG creators – because the same year he played Superman, Nicolas Cage also played (an alternate universe version of) Spider-Man in Into the Spider-Verse. And, as I alluded to above, starred in his own version of The Night Begins to Shine when he made Mandy. It all links!  

There we go. my favourite things. This was tough, I had to leave a lot out. I’m particularly saddened by not finding room for Cyborg’s tiny body made up of wires whenever he removes his head. And The Jeff; gutted I missed The Jeff. Or the episode that references all the movie incarnations of Batman, including a dumpster full of Batman Forever and Batman & Robin stuff (I’ll save my argument that TTG serves as an even better comic analysis and deconstruction of the meta-character of Batman, and of Robin, than the much-ballyhooed LEGO incarnations for another day). It’s really a great show. I love it to bits. Go watch it.

[ncfan-1]

ncfan listens to The Magnus Archives: S1 EP002, ‘Do Not Open’

In which ncfan is reminded of a lot of things, though she can only put a name to a few of them.

No spoilers, please!

- Today’s story, again, reminds me of others I’ve heard. John is, to me, a little reminiscent of the watchman from ‘The Yellow Sign’ (a story in The King in Yellow by Robert W. Chambers), whom everyone around somehow failed to realize was a walking, decaying corpse for months on end. I’m also reminded a little of a couple of stories from the Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark series.

One is “Room for One More”, in which a man visiting Philadelphia sees a hearse full of people one night, with the driver beckoning him closer with “There is room for one more,” and the next day sees the driver again in the elevator, beckoning him with the same line, and just after the man refuses and gets into another elevator, the elevator the hearse driver was in malfunctions and falls all the way to the bottom of the shaft, killing everyone on board. The other is “Like Cat’s Eyes,” when a bunch of men with eyes that glow yellow like a cats jump out of a hearse, come to claim a dying man. There’s something else nagging at my memory, but I can’t quite place it right now.

(There was a hearse in ‘The Yellow Sign,’ too. Hearses seem to be a theme, today.)

- And we’ve jumped from a statement given in 2012 to a statement given in 1998. Really, trying to organize them chronologically first would have been a better way to go, man.

- The bit about John being completely nondescript and blank reminds me of something, but I can’t place what. And yes, I recognize the irony of that.

- “Inside a foreign land.” Interesting choice of preposition, there.

- The fact that John instantly knew when Joshua had spent some of the money he’d given him and could track him down with no trouble definitely hints at either something supernatural or something extraordinarily privacy-invading. Given everything else, I’m assuming the former.

- The coffin is pale yellow and warm to the touch. I was half-expecting it to have a pulse. The scratching wasn’t a surprise when it happened, though the moaning and singing was.

- I wonder if we were meant to draw any parallels to Pandora’s box.

- It finally hit me what the thing with the coffin reminds me of: Courage’s experiences carrying the Evil Package in the ‘Courage in the Big Stinkin’ City’ episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog. Though to be fair, the coffin is a bit more effectively frightening than the Evil Package. (Courage the Cowardly Dog was always more funny to me than it was scary, even if I was pretty young when I first saw it.)

- If Joshua had opened the coffin, would he have seen his own corpse? If he’d gotten the padlock unlocked and the coffin opened while he was sleepwalking, would he have crawled inside and promptly died? The world may never know!

- The detail about the box moaning in rain is really reminiscent of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

- The way Joshua just… accepts everything that’s happening is the real horror of this story, because it’s so obviously not natural.

- If someone told me John and the deliverymen were the Devil and his minions, I’d believe it, because I’ve read a lot of folktales where the Devil plays a role like this.

- I kinda figured there was something up about the flats surrounding Joshua’s when he doesn’t talk about anyone responding to the screaming when they opened the coffin, but learning that apparently John’s “forget me” field extended to the entire complex where Joshua lived is a bit freaky.

- I’m inclined to believe the story’s real, just because of what kind of series this is, but Jonathan’s assessment—starts with drug use and there being no witnesses means it’s unreliable at best—is fair.

[its8simplejulesblog]

The Disney College Program

I have a distinct memory from when I was about 13 years old. My family was returning from a vacation in Florida and we saw a girl in line for security with a Disney College Program sweatshirt on. I was instantly intrigued. Disney has always been an important destination for my family. It was filled with memories and celebrations of birthdays and graduations and friendships. It was the stomping grounds for reunions with our friends from Australia and it was a symbol of novelty and excitement whenever I was able to bring my friends there for the first time and see their reactions to the magic. I wanted to ask this girl about her experience with the program, I really had no idea what it was, but being the shy kid I was I left all the talking to my mom. It was thrilling to me that a program existed that didn’t necessarily devalue the importance of an education, but it highlighted the importance of having fun in parallel to that. 

Flash forward and I really did my research. Little preteen me was watching vlogs and on the DCP website as soon as I got home. However, I knew that it would be such a long time before I had the opportunity. Quickly, life got in the way and in the blink of an eye I was in college. 

I’ll be honest, the end of my sophomore year of college was not the best. I felt very alone (contrary to social media) and I felt like I was stuck in a vicious cycle of monotony in my life. The very idea of waking up and doing the same thing every day haunted me and I felt like a zombie prisoner. I remember having a conversation with my dad in the car and he brought up the DCP for the first time in years. However, contrary to my childhood whims, I immediately shut it down. I think the mindset I was in at the time put a very negative spin on life. Although I was bored with my current routine, I was afraid that the Disney College Program would ruin the magic of the one place where I knew I could get away from all of that so for that reason I said “absolutely not, I don’t want to do it...I’ve changed my mind.” 

However, the VERY NEXT day, I couldn’t take it anymore and I applied on a whim. It was towards the end of the application window so in contrast to all the preparation videos I had seen, I really just went for it with no preparation. That mentality continued and I flew through the 3 interview stages. I treated my phone interview as a conversation with a friend rather than a life or death situation and my interviewer and I were laughing in no time. Honesty, it was pretty fun. 

I remember sitting in the front row (yeah, what a loser) of my econ lecture when I got the email that I had been accepted and I immediately lost focus and just started crying while texting all my friends for the entirety of the rest of the lecture. I joined all of the facebook groups and made friends and was surprised to find that even though we all loved Disney, we weren’t crazy Disney freaks like I was expecting (although there were definitely some of those).

I met some fantastic girls online that I was planning on being roommates with (Alyssa, Joanna, and Tara ily) but you don’t necessarily always get placed with the people you request, so only Tara and I ended up in the same apartment. I was assigned to work at the Emporium. The busiest store in Disney on the way to the castle! There’s a really cute video of me finding out I was going to work there and I think I cried, it’s really cute. I quickly looked up what my costume would be and to be honest I miss that white button down and blue tie and plaid skirt, it really grew on me. 

Finally the time came to move to Florida. Tara had been in Italy so while we were able to talk a little bit, it was still very much a new environment with new people (4 of which I didn’t even know until I got there). It was the first time where I ever really lived away from my family for that long. I had been abroad, but the longest I was away was 1 month and this was a 4 month program. I was there for the fall program too, meaning that all of the major holidays I would be away from my family and honestly it was sad and difficult at times. 

I moved in during hurricane Dorian so Disney really looked like a freaky ghost town. However, I was quickly accompanied by a bunch of strangers :). I truly knew nothing about any of my roommates from the start besides their names: Carly, Rylee, Emma, Haley, and Tara and a few days later we were all moved in and forced to get along HAHA. To be honest though, these girls were the biggest gift I could have ever received from the program. If you go to Patterson Court 6102 right now you’ll even see where we signed our coffee table :) That’t the thing about this program, while the work is very useful in terms of learning how to deal with people, it’s really the relationships that you make (or in some people’s unfortunate cases the fights you have) that you’ll remember. 

We had traditions which is where they introduce you to working for the company and it’s very disgustingly disney and mickey shows up and they make you cry with promotional videos. At the end of the “class” they take you through the utilidoors which are the underground tunnels (dare I say maze) that leads you through the Magic Kingdom. This was where I walked every day to work and where I often saw the princesses on their off time (and yes, it was odd). 

Work was truly a whirlwind. We had training for a few weeks at the cash register and the Emporium was a clusterfuck because it’s a HUGE store with multiple jobs like stocking and collecting hangers and conversing with guests in addition to being at the cash register. Every day was a new adventure and at the start they really just threw us to the wolves. Not that we weren’t prepared, but I definitely would have loved to have been more prepared. However, in a place like Disney, you learn quickly. There were times on the floor where I felt like guest were pirhannas because you truly could not catch a break from questions (some of them really stupid like, “where is the castle” to which I responded, “it’s literally right down the street...”) 

You experience all kinds of guests, both cranky and kind. I met an old couple that made vintage costumes every halloween as a different prince and princess, a man who designed the disney park maps, I gave a little girl an Elsa doll for her birthday and she screamed and cried and gave me hugs, you interact with foreign guests and do your best to fight the language barrier. If you’re learning a new language you’re able to practice speaking with guests. You end up having some of the most heartfelt stories. One component of the program is your location which quite literally makes or breaks your experience. It is all very random. You can end up working at any park or resort under a variety of different jobs. I was clearly merch, but you could also do food service or housekeeping or children’s activities or janitorial etc. Some of the staff was great, and sometimes they’re just not. It really is all the luck of the draw. 

I personally loved merch, I absolutely had some hard days where I just wanted to go home and cry (and I did), but the cool thing about merch is that it’s universal training so I was able to work in any different merch location in any park. At the end of my program I had worked in Tomorrowland (love you Maddie), the Pirates of the Carribbean store in Adventureland (love you Corbin), I worked a halloween party (love you Wyatt) and in Fantasyland (love you Toni). Each place was uniquely different and I have stories from each. 

For example, while the Emporium was my home, I easily fell in love with Fantasyland. It was an absolute dream dressing up little girls in princess dresses and seeing their parents cry when they looked in the mirror. It was so fun giving old men pixie dust and watching them frolic all over the store. In adventureland one of the cast members taught me how to swordfight (like literally sword fight...he studies it) and I was given a plastic pet snake (which I was surprisingly able to convince a GOOD amount of people that it was real). during the halloween party I made some of my very best friends while handing out candy and seeing all of the unique costumes was so much fun. Tomorrowland was an adventure because I was able to be outside and walk around while all of the lights were on after the park had closed. 

It was tiring work. No one is meant to be as happy as I was required to be all of the time. And yet, I wouldn’t change the experience for the world. The program was a new view into a place that I’ve loved so much and the magic takes a new perspective now, but it is still very much there. 

To my roommates, I love you so much. Thanks for STILL being in my life and being my favorite jedi, funnel cake maker, candy apple dipper, hotel waitress, and pizza oven survivor I’ve ever met. 

The program really changed the way I see myself. It made me a lot more confident in my interpersonal communications with people and ability to handle conflict. It showed me the beauty of the holidays and how much I appreciate being with my family at that time (I worked the Christmas parties and they would let us go stand outside in the “snow”). 

I learned a lot. So to close, let me share some things I learned 

1.) If you do the program you will LOSE at grocery bingo...don’t go 

2.) In everything that you enjoy, there is someone providing it so please PLEASE be respectful and stay humble. There was nothing worse than dealing with an entitled family. 

3.) Everyone has a story to tell. I talked to people from all over the world at my register: army vets and newlyweds and artists. If you just take the time to listen, you’ll hear some incredible things

4.) Life comes at you so fast. It’s crazy that I can remember seeing that girl with the sweatshirt when I was 13 and then BOOM my college program was over. Slow things down sometimes 

5.) Explore in your free time! My favorite memories were just going to the parks or hotels with my friends and roommates on our off days and having fun. You don’t need to be productive all the time to live a valuable life. 

6.) Don’t grow up..honestly don’t. I’m 21 and my roommates were also around my age and we STILL hung out with Peter Pan during the MK scavenger hunt..honestly who cares 

7.) Appreciate your family while they’re around. I know I missed my family so much throughout those four months so when you’re with them, don’t take them for-granted 

8.) But also...make a new family. Every group of friends of mine that have come into my life for different reasons are added to my family. I treat them with the same respect and pour the same amount of love into them that I do with my own family and that’s the way it should be done

9.) Don’t wait! If you want to do something fun in your life and the means and resources are available and it’s safe then DO IT. We really don’t have as much time as we think so don’t put things off, especially things that are going to make you happy and be good for your mental health. 

10.) Celebrate change and novelty. I was scared to start the program with people I barely knew in a job I wasn’t necessarily the best at. However, what an experience that has morphed me into so much of a stronger person. My life has changed so much even since the program ended seven months ago and now I welcome that kind of change as openly as possible. 

Thanks to the DCP for all the memories and magic <3

(if you have any questions about the program let me know!) 

[jaidajones]

WTF is Thomas the Tank Engine

I'm revisiting Thomas the Tank Engine as an adult and let me tell you--

It's wild. It's a wild world, that Sodor. 

In this one episode, Henry the engine doesn't want to leave a tunnel because it's raining and he's worried about his nice paint getting all rusted up and ruined from the rain. Kind of a jerky engine, Henry. He has coaches full of people but he’s like wah rain, I’m not leaving the tunnel, and as someone who has a daily commute I’m like, Not cool, Henry. But that’s the kind of behavior where like, the character does it, and then realizes they’re being difficult and they need to find a way to compromise with the rest of the world, and you all grow up a little bit, lesson learned, kid’s TV show, hooray!

So back to Henry. 

Henry stays in the tunnel stubbornly until--and this is a REAL CHARACTER from the show--the "Fat Controller" shows up to solve the problem. After Henry refuses and refuses and refuses to move, the "Fat Controller" is like well all right Henry. 

And Henry is subsequently BRICK WALLED INTO THE TUNNEL. 

Only Henry's eyes peer out over the top of the brick wall as the people leave him one by one.

"All right," I think to myself, "this is a children's show. Freaky as this is, surely Henry will learn his lesson, and then the humans will return and set him free from his brick tunnel prison, and this won't go full Cask of Amontillado, because that would be INSANE." 

Oh, no. That does not happen.

The narrator--Ringo Starr, somehow simultaneously cheerful and somber--informs the viewers that, despite it being Henry's great fear, he is now rusting and wasting away in the tunnel, as the other engines pass him on the parallel track, laughing at him all the while. 

But that's not even it. The episode simply ends with a close-up on Henry's hopeless eyes and Ringo Starr's conclusive, "But I think Henry deserved his fate--don't you?" 

Then happy theme music plays! Episode over! Henry is bricked away forever, as his fire dies and his fellow engines mock his slowly rusting husk of a corpse! But don't forget, he's aware of every wretched moment, incapable of saving himself, immobilized and abandoned and powerless! Oh Henry! What a lark!

[mittensmorgul]

Wow, I have such a kink for 8.2! I'm cutting work to watch this again LOL!

Oh dear! Confession time, I was up until like 4 am (no that’s a lie, it was almost 5 am), and woke up to find Mr. Mittens watching it. It was the bit I’m currently watching right now, at the riverbank in Purgatory.

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

In my groggy state, I blurted out, “Oh gosh, we’ve come so far since then.” And then I ran to the living room and turned on the other tv, rewound it to the beginning and watched the whole thing again.

I still get skeeved by this entire auction. Like they deliberately invited Crowley and a representative of Heaven to drive up the price of the tablet. I mean, who else would have any interest at all in the Demon tablet? It’s like Plutus just... stole stuff and held it for ransom under the guise of this freaky auction. I mean, god of greed, so it seems logical, but >.>

Another bit that’s always bugged me is not the line itself, but the fandom misinterpretation of it as a Canon Fact:

Linda Tran offers her own soul in trade for the tablet and Kevin, which Plutus accepts with this reasoning:

CROWLEY: If it's souls that you're after, I can give you a million souls.DEAN: Hey, flyboy, are you gonna get in on this?SAMANDIRIEL: We guard the souls in Heaven. We don't horse-trade them.CROWLEY: So we have a deal.PLUTUS: It's not about the quantity, chief. It's about the sacrifice. This little lady's soul is the most valuable thing she has. It's everything. Are you willing to offer everything, Mr. Crowley?DEAN: Tick-tock.CROWLEY: Fine. You win. I bid... my own soul!PLUTUS: [laughs] Mr. Crowley, you don't have a soul. [to MRS TRAN] Congrats, sweetheart.

The key here is that Linda’s soul was valuable because it was the largest SACRIFICE she was capable of making. Like Plutus said, “It’s everything.” So Crowley’s offer of a million souls, which after s6 we know would’ve been a major power trade (he loaned Cas 50k souls to smack down Raphael, but it still wasn’t enough to defeat Raphael-- hence the grab for Purgatory souls. So a MILLION souls was a significant and substantial quantity of power to give up). But in Hell, new souls are showing up every day. They’re a renewable resource. Short-term it would’ve been a high price to pay, but long-term? In the bigger picture? Meh.

But in that same vein, when Plutus points this out, he asks if Crowley is willing to offer EVERYTHING he owns, and Crowley takes that to mean his own soul... but that’s hardly everything Crowley owns that is of value, you know?

First off, he really doesn’t HAVE a soul. Demons ARE souls. The smoky thing we see is what Hell does to that bright and shiny human soul we’ve seen before numerous times. I don’t think Plutus was saying that Crowley really had no soul, but that he didn’t have one to TRADE, because it was his entire BEING, you know? And it’s certainly not the extent of the things Crowley COULD sacrifice-- like the entire realm of Hell.

Plus, that matter of the fact that the “Mr Crowley, you don’t have a soul” line was a direct quote of something someone once said to the real-life Aleister Crowley. (a fact that is now impossible to google because of the millions of results it returns about this scene...).

SAM: Dean, were you really going to, uh...DEAN: What? Slit soccer mom's throat? Yeah, I was. I wish I had.SAM: Dean –DEAN: It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he's in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what's one more nightmare, right?

And Dean’s takeaway after Kevin runs for it? That people he doesn’t “need” anymore tend to die.

Which gives a HELL of a lot of weight to the statement in Purgatory to Cas:

DEAN: We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.

But Cas still ended up stuck in Purgatory anyway. As if Dean’s “need” for him wasn’t even enough to save Cas from that fate. And then months later in 8.17:

Dean: This isn’t you. Cas, I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Cas, it’s me. We’re family. We need you; I need you.

And... it WAS enough to “save” Cas that time, but still not enough to get him to stick around. Heck, so much of s8 was about need...

I mean, while I was typing this up, I let 8.03 run in the background.

We already know from the jump in s8 that Dean’s pissed off that Sam walked away for an entire year, leaving Kevin running and fighting for his life alone. It came up again in 8.02, with Kevin still not really trusting Sam and Dean, and running off on his own again (with Linda this time).

And in 8.03, Dean finds yet another thing to harp on Sam about his own year off:

DEAN: All right, man, look, I get it. You took a year off to do yoga and play the lute, whatever, but I'm back. Okay, we're back, which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We'll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die so that you can shop for produce?

Because while researching, Dean discovers the pattern of deaths repeats every six months, and Sam had’t even noticed it, let alone investigated to try and save these people, meaning the three people who’d died that week were on Sam for not having ganked the thing that killed them the first time it went on a killing spree... Yeah, Dean was angry, but meanwhile Sam had been in that “I don’t fight anymore, I watch the bees” sort of state of mind during that whole year.

Nothing says family like the whole family being dead (or as near as... )

But then Dean discovers Sam was considering going back to college. He tells Sam that this is where they’re best-- hunting down monsters together:

DEAN: I know where I'm at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you.SAM: Makes sense.DEAN: Yes, it does.SAM: Or... maybe you don't need me. I mean, maybe you're at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody.DEAN: Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff.SAM: Look, I'm not saying I'm bailing on you. I'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something.DEAN: So, what we do doesn't count?

And this is so important, the first suggestion that Sam and Dean want different things in life, and that eventually that might even be okay. But hooboy does it ever cause a lot of conflict between now and that impossibly distant potential future:

DEAN: Wow. Back in business. Got the win. Admit it – feels good, huh? You know, I was thinking about what Randa said about, uh, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. I get it, man, I do.SAM: I know. I know you do. I don't. Not anymore. Hell, maybe I never did.DEAN: Come on, Sam, don't ruin my buzz, would you?SAM: Dean, listen, when this is over – when we close up shop on Kevin and the tablet – I'm done. I mean that.DEAN: No, you don't.SAM: Dean, the year that I took off, I had something I've never had. A normal life. I mean, I got to see what that felt like. I want that. I had that.DEAN: I think that's just how you feel right now.

And that’s setting up everything that’s come after in the brothers’ relationship with each other, the first chip knocked out of the giant mountain of codependency. It comes roaring back with a vengeance by the end of the season (granted, via the end of their close brush with hubris in their attempt to close the gates of hell), but at least all of this brings those issues glaringly to the surface where they can’t really just keep on keeping on the way they always have anymore.

Need vs want

I think this is also foundational to Dean NEEDING people rather than being able to admit that he WANTS them in his life. That he wants people to stay in his life because he loves them, not because he needs them for a specific purpose.

Because when Dean doesn’t need people anymore, they tend to end up dead... And just loving people, needing them just because he loves them, he sees it as selfish. And his personal needs aren’t enough to keep people he loves from dying.

Boy howdy did he ever internalize that to a toxic extent.

Dean has clearly not shed the “I’m Poison” thing from s7, and in some ways it only gets worse over the next few seasons, like he’s got to get to the very root of that feeling, plumb the depths of his own self-loathing and become the absolute worst possible version of himself (hello, Demon Dean), and come through the other side with a healthier sense of self, a healthier sense of his relationship with Sam, and an acceptance of his personal need for Cas.

Now he just has to find the right words to express all that. Saying his piece to Mary in 12.22 was a good start.

And oh gosh, 8.04-- Michael gave up his personal time with Kate to go along with Brian, because apparently Brian had no one else to hang out with. At the time, it sounds like Sam agreeing to go along with Dean on these hunts, leaving Amelia behind because Dean had no one else to hang out with... And the whole situation turned into a toxic mess. But the parallel isn’t perfect. Dean wasn’t motivated for the same reasons Brian was. Brian wanted what Michael had. Dean didn’t want what Sam had.

Dean just wanted everything to stay the same. But again, his needs are poison.

Heck, this got away from me again didn’t it?

[internetdetectives]

August 3rd, 2019 - Chat with Moonman

moonman31 8:38 PM: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82DJUDS_S7Y”

moonman31 8:38 PM: "I’m here”

Slinky stinks 8:38 PM: "any memepage on 2019 ^^^^”

moonman31 8:39 PM: “thank you thank you”

moonman31 8:39 PM: “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKFYrRLL__0”

Slinky stinks 8:41 PM: "the theme that plays when you figth with greth at the end of the genocide run”

Slinky stinks 8:41 PM: "v a p o r l o v a n i a”

otherLiam 8:47 PM: "ayy moonman”

moonman31 8:47 PM: "yo”

otherLiam 8:48 PM: "Do you mind if I ask you kind of a bummer question? I hate to harsh your mellow but it’s important.”

otherLiam 8:48 PM: "Sorry to just spring that on you.”

moonman31 8:57 PM: "uh ok buddy

otherLiam 8:58 PM: "Thanks.”

otherLiam 8:58 PM: "What happened to the rest of the Internet Detectives in your timeline?”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "this is uh”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "yeah wow”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "ok”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "well ok”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "the internet detectives were pretty active for a while”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "I wanna say until late 2017”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "maybe early 2018”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "and they just disappeared.”

moonman31 8:59 PM: "well most of us”

Slinky stinks 9:02 PM: "wow, im sorry to hear that.”

ARGdov 9:02 PM: "Jesus”

ARGdov 9:02 PM: "Who was left? You and anyoen else we might know?”

moonman31 9:04 PM: "uh yeah, there was me, IA, Yugi, and Nocta”

moonman31 9:04 PM: "those were the only ones who didn’t vanish”

ARGdov 9:06 PM: "Wait”

ARGdov 9:06 PM: "Yuki?”

moonman31 9:07 PM: "no, Yugi”

moonman31 9:07 PM: "He was the spanish guy I mentioned before”

ARGdov 9:07 PM: "Oh, ok..that does not ring a bell”

ARGdov 9:07 PM: "Ah”

Slinky stinks 9:07 PM: "sorry im outdated, who is exactly yugi”

moonman31 9:07 PM: "He was def spanish because his english was not great and posted spanish memes”

moonman31 9:07 PM: "but he liked Yugioh, so”

otherLiam 9:08 PM: "We haven’t met Yugi yet, Slinky.”

otherLiam 9:08 PM: “That’s terrible, man. I’m sorry that happened. You say they “vanished”. “

otherLiam 9:08 PM: “Do you mean like, they just left the group and didn’t come online anymore, or full on missing-person-case dropped off the earth irl?”

Slinky stinks 9:09 PM: "ah, also, im so sorry about that”

ARGdov 9:09 PM: "Im wondering, then”

moonman31 9:09 PM: "I can assume they are dead because they vanished.”

moonman31 9:09 PM: Most of them have grieving families.”

ARGdov 9:10 PM: "Do you know what ID was doing at the time?  What were they incestigating”

Slinky stinks 9:10 PM: "well if we follow the time, late 2017 was when…”

ARGdov 9:10 PM: "Im gonna check our records, see what we were doing at the time”

moonman31 9:10 PM: "I’d rather not think too much more about it to be honest with you. But I’ll answer what I can manage.”

Slinky stinks 9:11 PM: "sorry about that”

ARGdov 9:11 PM: "Thats understandable”

moonman31 9:11 PM: "That being said I don’t honestly remember what the goal was at the time, I always had a foot somewhere else doing other shit.”

Slinky stinks 9:11 PM: "when the video . was uploaded”

ARGdov 9:11 PM: "Im just wondering what was different, in your timeline”

otherLiam 9:11 PM: "Yeah don’t push it man, I know this is hard. I hate doin’ this to you.”

ARGdov 9:11 PM: "It seems like it was several things already”

Slinky stinks 9:12 PM: "around the Un 2017 i guess”

ARGdov 9:12 PM: "But if we can pinpoint more details we can better understand whats going on and how we can help”

moonman31 9:12 PM: "a lot of stuff seems the same as far as i can tell, except the names of IDs and various events are dramatically different”

Slinky stinks 9:12 PM: "what was IA name on this timeline?”

moonman31 9:12 PM: "also I’m under the impression there was no Nocta in your perspective of the group”

Slinky stinks 9:13 PM: "yeah, kevin was…”

Slinky stinks 9:13 PM: "not here”

ARGdov 9:13 PM: "So the person were p sure Nocta is was never in ID”

ARGdov 9:13 PM: "He was a member of the LC, kinda ascended and became a master of Jid, where all the ascended souls were kept”

Slinky stinks 9:13 PM: "yeah”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "So thats uh…notable. It raised a lot of questions”

moonman31 9:14 PM: "as far as IsocelesAssassin I’m pretty sure he’s CircleHunter to you guys”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "Oh wow”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "That”

Slinky stinks 9:14 PM: "ah”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "Makes sense”

Slinky stinks 9:14 PM: "the name”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "But is still kinda freaky”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "Wow”

Slinky stinks 9:14 PM: "yeah”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "Yeah lol”

otherLiam 9:14 PM: "When did Nocta join your side’s ID?”

Slinky stinks 9:14 PM: "ive thougth abou it this morn lol”

ARGdov 9:14 PM: "Im wondering, then”

moonman31 9:15 PM: "Uh Nocta joined us kinda late”

ARGdov 9:15 PM: "Did an event take place on 11/11 at any point by you guys?”

moonman31 9:15 PM: "after the bullshit with youshouldnthavedonethat.net”

moonman31 9:15 PM: "like in 2017”

moonman31 9:15 PM: "early 2017”

ARGdov 9:15 PM: "That went down for us mid to late 2016”

ARGdov 9:15 PM: "But im assuming it was more or less the same bullshit”

ARGdov 9:15 PM: "Were still not sure what happened there”

moonman31 9:16 PM: “no the shenanigans with that line up”

moonman31 9:16 PM: "as far as I can tell”

moonman31 9:16 PM: "Nocta dipped in shortly after”

moonman31 9:16 PM: "in early 2017”

ARGdov 9:16 PM: "Hmm ok, maybe Im misreading something.”

ARGdov 9:16 PM: "Nonetheless”

ARGdov 9:16 PM: "So, im wondering”

ARGdov 9:16 PM: "Things got kinda weird after all that by us too”

ARGdov 9:16 PM: "Like were all still a little lost. Timelines converged, history mightve been changed, etc”

ARGdov 9:16 PM: "Early 2017 wouldve been when our greth got wrapped up in everything more seriously, i think”

otherLiam 9:18 PM: "I think it’s important to know what exactly happened in your side’s version of that event, since it seems like that’s where shit diverged.”

otherLiam 9:18 PM: "Did you guys vote to use the kill switch?”

ARGdov 9:19 PM: "Thats a good question”

ARGdov 9:19 PM: "Did you guys vote yes on the kill switch?”

moonman31 9:20 PM: "Honestly”

moonman31 9:20 PM: "I am gonna have to talk to someone about that”

moonman31 9:20 PM: "I can’t really remember.”

ARGdov 9:21 PM: "Alright, well, let us know once you find out :/”

moonman31 9:21 PM: "When most of your friend group dies other shit seems irrelevant even when it clearly is.”

Slinky stinks 9:21 PM: "yeah dont worry”

ARGdov 9:21 PM: "We get it”

ARGdov 9:21 PM: "Youve been through”

ARGdov 9:21 PM: "A lot”

ARGdov 9:21 PM: "More than any of us”

Slinky stinks 9:21 PM: "that is some hard shit, so if you dont remember, we understand” 

ARGdov 9:22 PM: "Weve been involved and have been trying to help and save people but despite all that weve never truly suffered or been put at risk”

ARGdov 9:22 PM: "And once you were on AO im sure things didnt improve”

ARGdov 9:22 PM: "Which reminds me- how did you get invovled with AO?”

otherLiam 9:22 PM: "Like I said, don’t push yourself. Find out when you’re able.”

moonman31 9:23 PM: "Well Nocta sort of dipped out for a bit from ID. After that happened all the scariest shit went down.”

moonman31 9:23 PM: "I tracked him down myself and idk, I joined in because I wanted to see how he was doing.”

moonman31 9:23 PM: "I thought it was important to keep the connections that were still around going”

Slinky stinks 9:23 PM: "makes sense”

moonman31 9:23 PM: "Anyway he had set up a shittier version of AO by that point.”

ARGdov 9:24 PM: "Yeah.”

moonman31 9:24 PM: "I was worried about him but the more he let me in the more parallels with stuff I’d seen before, but more real to me. So I felt, in the crumbled spirit of ID that remained, I had sort of a g o d l y responsibility to make sure shit didn’t go too far.”

moonman31 9:24 PM: "Seems I failed lol.”

ARGdov 9:25 PM: "You tried, and thats whats important”

ARGdov 9:25 PM: "This is cold comfort I know but theres no way everyone can ever be saved. And those losses arent your fault”

moonman31 9:26 PM: "anyways the spirit of WH from my world lives in on in basically just me and IA now, though he’s… different, now.”

moonman31 9:26 PM: "Anyways I’m gonna bounce.”

ARGdov 9:26 PM: ”…alright”

moonman31 9:26 PM: “This was also fucking depressing.”