#the quest log drama was funny at least

[fuckyeahneopia]

This post is from a month and a half ago. It has nothing to do with the Seasonal Attack Pea. It was actually about Daily Quests.

While most of this context about the attack pea drama is accurate, and I have great respect for the amount of detail you went into, some of the more recent drama is a compilation of hearsay and rumor. While I respect your wish to cite sources, after the first part a lot of it is just regurgitating the drama from reddit, which is a mix of true and false. While the source might exist, their reliability varies.

Apologies in advance for this word vomit, but I don't want my original post to be spread with well-meaning but not-entirely-accurate context.

The ambassadors in question with regard to the pea are multiple people, and have been conflated into a single individual in the stupidly expanded drama that was fanned on reddit, which was started by someone with their own... questionable background. The one from JN, Herdy, is not a JN admin, but the person in charge of the Book of Ages - aka the giant section about characters and site/pet history. He also was not the only ambassador talking about that feedback (though he definitely was a key one to do so publicly). I have also not seen anything where he claimed he knew anyone who had one previously - the person who said that, IIRC, was lilangel - one of the few ambassadors who definitely is Rich-Rich beyond doubt, and imo was more annoying about this whole situation.

Herdy and some of the other ambassadors said they shared their feedback. Could they have done that better? Sure. It came across really poorly, and understandably left a bad taste in people's mouths. (and tbh the execution of the whole 'ambassador' program has been a hot mess on TNTs side. We honestly don't know what TNT listen on or do, just a list of ambassador usernames to either harass or fawn over. Some of them are definitely people with a lot of money and means. Others are from things like the Neopets Nation facebook group or Discord server). A lot of the early negative feedback came not from the neo-billionaires, but from the BD chat, a group you covered early on. As you mentioned, there are still a small but significant number of players who really care about the on-site battledome and hold their own tournaments, etc. Their concern - at least going on what was happening on the neobards - was that one of the most powerful weapons in the game was potentially going to become so widely available that all the other weapons would be moot. Most of them didn't have one, but worried about the impact on the things they did have and how it would change the gameplay. While I can't say I -get- the concern, as non-battler, that was where a lot of the initial drama started. There were few enough Seasonal Attack Peas beforehand that even most of the uber-rich didn't have one to lose value on (unless they got one from duping/cheating, in which case they wouldn't care because they'd just dupe/cheat for a different rare item). I don't think that's worthy of cancelling its release altogether, but at least in-context at the time, most of the people active on that board - and sending their feedback en masse - were freaking out about their whole BD being upended. People who were excited about the release weren't sending feedback, because they were just excited, and negative feedback is more frequently sent than positive feedback. Because TNT told everyone the ambassadors' neopets usernames, they were going to get a shit ton of feedback from people who were upset and wanted to say that to someone who couldn't ignore them as easily as the actual paid staff. People like most of the rest of us were never going to bother with that, because we had no idea how it would escalate.

However, I do think it's notable that the ambassadors ... told people they shared that negative feedback. From neo_truth's logs (which should be taken with a grain of salt, and are definitely of sketchy origin, but have long been pretty reliable), the timing doesn't seem to have much of anything to do with the timing of the drama on and offsite, more like the timing of someone on TNT who realized they fucked up in the first place and tried to fix it. But also, the ambassadors did say that they'd shared that feedback. So anyone who thought it was going to have an impact had the same chance to buy/sell/what have you. If I wanted to do insider trading, I would just... not tell everyone that I asked for things to be changed? There was also rampant speculation as to whether it would change from early in the morning, so people were already expecting the chance of it going away. Peas were selling like hotcakes because people wanted them.

As for the Jellyneo person 'caught' selling a pea... it's a player who is regularly active in buying and selling in the auction house, and works on the item database. If you follow the auctions regularly, or talk to any of the people who are absurdly involved, there was nothing unusual about him buying a single pea and then reselling it (several of them commented as such on reddit). Him getting it in someone else's auction in the first place was because there were a ton of people aiming for it at a lowball price and he just got lucky when it ended (god the fucking auction house timing is a whole different thing). Other people were doing it at the same time. When he sold it right after, went for like 7x what he initially listed, which a seller doesn't really control. All they DO control in the auction house is the bid increase amount. When people list items with a low bid increase amount, you can only bid that increase amount + 5000 NP. Someone who underprices their item or lists like '100 np' as the increase amount is going to have huge demand, but unlike eBay it'll never go up to the max price people are willing to pay - because you can only increase so much at a time. Time runs out before it has the chance to get to its actual value. This second person, as well as other players who bought and resold, got one that was underpriced with a low increase, and sold it with a higher increase that ended up going from 50 mil to 350 mil. The demand was there from the get-go. The only example of someone from JN selling a pea I've seen is this one, and then people trying to claim it was 'just one example' while having no others. At any given time, though, hundreds of other players were just as active in trying to buy and sell peas.

What was definitely true was that many people noticed a severe dearth of new peas on the market, suddenly. If you went into those reddit threads (where many were left with low numbers of upvotes, apparently because they weren't just... agreeing with all the drama?), a number of players who are active in the auctions/trading post/restockers/etc. said they noticed that suddenly something had changed, with no "new" peas appearing on the market and that's why pea prices increased. You could also follow the active speculation on the neoboards and discord as it happened. This was the timing where it was apparently broken for a while before being fixed to the correct lower rarity.

As for what neo_truths was saying - it was clear that it was meant to be a rare item from the get-go, and the person who added it into the code fucked up, and then fucked up again. They mixed up their distribution math, and in attempting to fix it accidentally disabled it entirely before eventually getting it to the proper rate. It expanded into drama that Neopets is well-known for. I love-hate this stupid hellsite. I wish I didn't know as much about this particular drama as I do. I wish I had a Seasonal Attack Pea.

I appreciate you trying to share context, but spreading more rumors really doesn't help.

TL;DR: this post was initially not related to the stupid pea at all. It was, in fact, closer to the 100k.

[soft-persephone]

Jake Johnson Bonus Facts

Girl dad of two twin girls. The inteview playlist will go into details for you.

He was married his whole acting career!

Very sweet.

He built this log cabin during the pandemic and even did some of his zoom interviews in it.

We now know, I don’t remember if it from an interview with another podcast or on his own, he revealed that the photographers asked him if he wanted to put on shoes first before they started and he said no.

They are in his backyard and he’s one minute away from a pair of shoes, and he said no, for no reason at all.

That’s why we love him. (Or me at least. I can’t actually speak for you guys.)

I forgot three movies for part one, but also, tumblr won’t let me add any more photos to part one, so it’s fine. However, So sorry!

Ceremony

One of the first big movies he’s done. I don’t have all the facts on it, but it does have the earliest release date of most of his movies, so it’s safe to assume.

He’s not the main character, but he does have somewhat of a large role to the plot of the movie.

I’d argue it’s still worth watching!

Lee Pace is in it! As well as Uma Thurman!

It’s about this young guy who’s in love with this married woman and somehow he ends up at their wedding retreat and keeps trying to win her back, but she’s kinda leading him on. . . Or maybe she isn’t and he’s delusional.😏

Maybe it’s trying to be deep, maybe it’s not, but Jake Johnson is funny and he does drunk wacky uncle brother so well.

It’s not as intense as I’m making it sound.

It’s actually a joy with sentimental moments.

And also like watching a car wreck level of drama.

No Strings Attacthed

Mid 2000s typical romcom with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman.

Ludacris and Mindy Kaling is also in it!

That’s it. That’s the movie.

Jake Johnson is the wacky guy best friend of the main guy and he doesn’t have a lot of time in it, but it’s not a super long watch and he has a horrible goatee in the first few scenes. So that’s pretty fun to see.

And his character has an odd nice guy side quest romance going on with another girl.

It’s supposed to balance out how assholey the main couple gets to each other sometimes, but not really.

Imagine if hallmark was fancy and had a bigger budget and wasn’t afraid to say fuck and show sex.

Also!

This movie got him Nick Miller on New girl.

I think the writer of new girl was working on this movie and she liked him in this and it played a part in him getting picked for his audition!

Safety Not Guaranteed

A wacky movie about these journalist trying to find a bug story and the woman of the group deciding if local crazy guy actually can time travel or not.

Despite how wild the plot is, it is oddly super romantic and endearing…….or maybe it’s the part of my brain that finds the oddest things romantic because it wasn’t presented in a typical romcom formula.

Jake is a little mean in this one if I remember correctly, but I think that’s something we all like about him. He’s fun to watch when he’s angry or mean or yelling or maybe I’m just telling on myself.

It’s not my favorite, but it was a super fun to watch. It’s well made and if nothing else gets you, the suspense of knowing if the guy is really crazy or not will.

More fun facts!!!

He loves talking business so there’s more in common with him and Doug Renetti than you might think. It’s a bit of his. He does this a lot on his podcast We’re Here to Help.

He loves doing indie movies.

He has love for everything he does and truly won’t take a role if he doesn’t like it in some way or feel like he would enjoy the experience from working on it or working with the other people there.

He lives for collaboration and a group effort and team work. Which he talks all about in some of his interviews.

He likes having a say so on his character and trying to do as much as he can with it, and if you ask me, it shows in everything he does, and it’s a part of why all of his charters have a certain Jake Johnson feel to all of them. However, he is still a good actor and they are very distinct in their roles and purposes for each and every show.

He’s just, very good at his job.

He also talks a lot about his life in certain interviews and I tried to compile them in a playlist that you can find on

This post.

If you are a sports fan, go to YouTube and search Jake Johnson Chicago Bears or Cubs or ..sports…

I’m not sure tbh.

He looks homeless sometimes, especially during the pandemic interviews, but I am used to this and find it endearing. If you’ve never seen him look like this and are weirded out or disgusted, I am sorry and not sorry.

I only watched them because i can listen to him talk about anything. I just like hearing his voice and looking at his face.

It’s amazing background noise when you have to work or study. Some of these sports podcast are so long and go on forever.

If you want help finding access to some of his more hard to find movies, please let me know and I will help as much as I can. Do not hesitate to dm me for any additional information

Thank you for reading, and I really hope these two posts have helped!

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss and Este Haim’s Friendship Takes Center Stage on That Thing I Do

On their new podcast, the musician-actors are picking the brains of fellow creatives about the passions that fuel and define them.

Darren Criss and Este Haim may have named their podcast That Thing I Do after the mid-’90s movie close to their hearts—That Thing You Do!, about the rise and fall of a fictional rock band—but there’s another film that seemed to loom just as large when creating their show.

“I think we’re like, slightly obsessed with the Sliding Doors moment,” Haim told Vanity Fair, referencing the 1998 rom-com that follows Gwyneth Paltrow’s character down two divergent timelines. “If you’re so incredibly passionate about multiple things, what is the thing? What is the event? Was there an event that made you kind of pivot and just go left instead of going right at that fork in the road?”

That pivotal crossroads is just one of the topics that Criss and Haim are eager to delve into on their show. Produced by Cadence13, That Thing I Do is a friendship-fueled quest to understand the passions, past and present, that have shaped the careers of other multi-hyphenate artists (Criss is an actor with a background in music, and Haim is a musician with roots in theater). In addition to lengthy, intimate conversations with celebrities including Carly Rae Jepsen, Evan Rachel Wood, and Reggie Watts, That Thing I Do mines Criss and Haim’s insatiable curiosity for all things creative to produce episodes that are as unpredictable as they are delightful.

As hosts, Criss and Haim tear through each episode like tornados: Accents are adopted, sentences are sung, and movie references and inside jokes fly hard and fast. Criss is a verbose, hyperkinetic storyteller, quick with a self-deprecating comment or quippy aside, and Haim is eager and unselfconscious, with a palpable enthusiasm for every guest and every possible subject. It quickly becomes clear that this is one of those friendships where the participants seem to more or less share a brain; where one can riff off the other, seemingly in perpetuity, about any number of topics without ever getting bored. And when a pair of celebrities find themselves so simpatico—especially a duo as funny and game as these two—what are they supposed to do? Not start a podcast?

That was more or less Haim’s thinking, after she and Criss started logging lengthy FaceTime calls during the pandemic that she increasingly felt would be entertaining to a wider audience. Criss, however, was more reluctant to start recording their conversations: “I said no so many times,” he said. “I really felt like I didn’t have time. But Este wore me down.”“I am pretty relentless when I want to do something,” said Haim, grinning. Haim, one-third of the eponymous rock band Haim, experienced her own “Sliding Doors moment” in her late teens, when after years of theater and dance training, she chose to attend the University of California, Los Angeles, for ethnomusicology, instead of pursuing drama programs at Carnegie Mellon or New York University. Over 10 years later, with a slew of Grammy nominations under her belt, music videos directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, and a life spent performing alongside sisters Danielle and Alana, there’s no question that Haim loves what she does, and takes it seriously. “I try to work at my craft every single day,” said Haim. “So at least I have that. I definitely try to stay creative every single day. If it’s not me writing lyrics, it’s me, you know, singing ideas into my iPhone.” But she’s still open about a “hunger” for acting and dance that she feels is still important to nourish, however and whenever she can. She reminisces about taking an improv class at the Upright Citizens Brigade in 2017, and her love of the Suzuki and Viewpoints methods of acting, both movement-based techniques that draw on an extreme awareness of the body. She claims she still interrogates actor friends about their experiences working in avant-garde theater (she charmingly calls these conversations “offline podcasts”).

Haim’s passion when talking about physical theater surprises even Criss: “We’ve talked a lot about stuff, but we’ve never really talked about [Suzuki],” he said. “I want to talk about that in the podcast, because we get to learn new stuff about each other every week.”

That real-time revelation speaks directly to Criss and Haim’s goal with That Thing I Do—to create a space where artists can speak to all parts of themselves, and bring previously unknown or underappreciated areas of passion and skill to light. “One of the things that I always love finding out about artists who I think are so incredible in one field is that there’s usually a seed somewhere else that is just as potent,” said Criss, citing recent interviews with Thundercat, in which the musician revealed his background in visual art, and Maya Rudolph, who majored in photography at University of California, Santa Cruz, before becoming a Saturday Night Live all-star, as prime examples. “Having an artistic spirit is by its nature very amorphous. It usually comes with a lot of roots that go other places.”

That interconnectivity of talents is something that Criss, an Emmy– and Golden Globe Award–winning actor (The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story) deeply relates to. As he describes it, each thread of his creative expression is inextricably linked to the other: “When I’m acting, I’m composing music, the way that dialogue is put together has rhythm, cadence, speed, tone, pitch,” he said. “There’s things that are very musical and compositional about the way that you deliver dialogue. So to me, it’s all kind of the same stuff. It’s all one body of water that can take different shapes.”

That’s not to say he hasn’t wondered what his life might have been like had he prioritized one of his skills over another at a certain time, imagining his own Sliding Doors plotline. “I often wonder what would have happened if, when I was 22 and I was getting attention from major labels and acting wasn’t happening, music was happening—would I have been a Shawn Mendestype?” said Criss. “But I don’t mind the expense that I’ve paid in not doing those one things, like, volumetrically. I now have a collection of a lot of things that have lower visibility, but higher passion and gratification.”

To that point, That Thing I Do doesn’t dwell too much on the could-have-beens and what-ifs, as tempting a thought exercise as it may be. He and Haim are more interested in finding the common threads between their own experiences and that of other creatives, and seeking the “why” behind the artistic choices their peers have made. Haim also reveals a less lofty, ulterior motive behind the pod: “This was also our evil plan to make new friends.”

And while both multi-hyphenates may have just added yet another commitment to their already very full plates, both appear energized by their newfound vocation as hosts—and to have a dedicated space to simply shoot the shit with each other. “I think we’re just getting started,” said Criss. “And I think Este would say the same.”

[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[hq-cuties-pls]

Can I request Asahi Azumane and Kuroo Tetsurou scenarios (separate) in which they get to know their s/o through the internet chat? After a loooong time they decided to meet and see how their relationship would develop irl. They didn't send a single pic to each other so this first meeting... Can be interesting. (Bonus: S/o is vv shy and a little bit scared of touch but didn't told them about it.)

I used Recovery of an MMO Junkie as a huge influence on these. I loved writing them, though! They were super fun!! Enjoy~Admin Emma

Asahi

Breaking his leg was by far the dumbest thing Asahi had ever done. He would regret getting that damn motorcycle until the day he died, especially where a mild crash with it resulted in him being totally hung up in bed for at least six weeks, possibly more. He spent a solid day and a half after getting out of the hospital pouting. He was bored, damn it, and he could only handle so much of Daichi and Suga’s company before they either had to leave or he was ready to bodily throw them out, broken bones be damned. If Suga made one more Evel Knievel reference, Asahi might have to forget he was a nice person.

After he pouted, he got to work on his homework and his studies. His time in the hospital put him a bit behind schedule, and this way he could get caught up and then some. Maybe even get ahead, or do some extra credit. It really seemed to work out perfectly; he was a slow studier, and his mild attention issues often got the better of him, so it could be a great way to kill a lot of time.

Except that he lasted about four days before his brain felt fried and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

After getting caught up on his reading, watching as many trashy dramas on Netflix that he could handle (it wasn’t many), checking out that anime Suga’s… person kept recommending (he made it to episode three), and killing a few pages in his sketchbook, he hadn’t managed to make time go any faster. He was still hung up in bed. He could get up to go to the bathroom and that was about it. He was ready to climb the walls, or maybe just crawl out of his own skin.

About two weeks into his sentence, Daichi recommended an MMO he’d been playing with his girlfriend. It had really appealing character designs and a high skill floor, so it seemed the perfect solution. He made his character as pretty and bishonen-esque as he could just for shits and giggles… the farthest thing from himself that he could. He named his character Vaughn because he’d watched most of Vision of Escaflowne while he’d waited for the game to install and he was obsessed. He took up the starting quest and started exploring.

Within an hour, he had a chat notification pop up.

Nina: Hi there! Are you trying the Devil Dungeon Event?

Asahi was skeptical at first, because he didn’t see which avatar had pinged him, but then he saw someone doing some sort of pre-animated wave emote. He waved back before responding.

Vaughn: Yeah, I was thinking about it. Still have to grind, though.

Nina: Actually, our tank sort of bailed on us. My group could run you to 20 really fast and then we could do it together.

Asahi was still skeptical–he’d heard about scams like these–but he really did want to try the event, and on his own it would definitely end before he could even attempt it. He figured he’d just bail as soon as they started asking for personal information or money or something.

Needless to say, things went a lot quicker with three higher-level characters helping him out and outfitting him. He was invited into their group chat and he learned they were especially funny, but Nina-san was very nice. She seemed to just keep the group together, seeing as the two DPS players were ridiculous humans. They played and grinded through levels and chatted until Asahi looked up and he’d been playing for eight hours. They’d done the dungeon twice and walked away with several loot boxes he couldn’t wait to open.

Nina: Goodness, I didn’t realize it was so late. Thanks for helping us out, Vaughn-san.

Vaughn: Don’t mention it. It was fun.

Nina: Would you like to game with us again sometime? You’re really good. Is this your first character?

Vaughn: In this game, yeah.

Nina: That’s surprising! But the guild is taking part in a raid tomorrow night after we all get off work and school and stuff. What time’s good for you?

Asahi scowled, though not at Nina. He’d just started to forget that he was literally stuck in bed.

Vaughn: Aahh… I’m sort of free whenever. I can’t get out of bed for another month or so.

Nina: OMG are you sick!?

Vaughn: Broken leg. Crashed my motorcycle.

There was such a long pause–so long, Asahi was afraid Nina had disconnected–but she came back eventually.

Nina: That’s so cool! Well, the motorcycle thing… not the broken leg thing.

Vaughn: I appreciate that.

Nina: Anyway, we’re hoping to get started no later than 7:00 or so, so DM me whenever you log on, kay?

With that, she was gone. Asahi should have been tired, given how late it was, but he was strangely exhilarated. Despite the fact he’d just spoken to her in snippets about the game and they’d each given perfunctory details about their lives, he felt connected to Nina in a way. Maybe it was the barrier of the screen… that he could talk to her. He’d never been able to talk to girls like this in real life.

Assuming Nina is a girl. She could be anyone. She could be Daichi for all you know!

Asahi shook his head to banish his intrusive (if sensible) thoughts. He snapped his laptop closed, not bothering to shut it down. He couldn’t get to sleep–he was too giddy–and he had trouble pinning down why.

Over the course of the next few weeks–between doctor’s’ appointments, PT and slowly-but-surely returning to classes and eventually, practices–he kept logging on every day to play at least a quest or two with his guild, but mostly to talk to Nina. She (and he was convinced she was a she) seemed to like talking to him. Sometimes, after the entire guild logged out and it was late and they didn’t have any more quests to do, they’d just go to a private area and talk about nothing. He learned all about her, and she learned all about him. She was ecstatic when she found out they lived close enough to each other.

After a long time, he finally figured out why it was so hard to say goodnight every night; he was in love. It wasn’t long after he made this realization that Nina and him had… the conversation.

Nina: So, you’ve been logging on a lot less lately. I take it your doctors are letting you back out there?

Vaughn: Yeah, I’m mostly free. Doctor Nishimi isn’t thrilled that I’m back at practice, but I don’t have much of a choice. I’m on scholarship and my leave of absence has already been extended.

Nina: You can’t overdo it! If you hurt yourself even worse, you won’t be able to play at all!

Vaughn: Don’t worry, one of my teammates had a friend with a bad knee back in high school. He’s making sure I take it easy.

Nina: Look, I know we’re both busy and all, but… Vaughn I think I might… could we meet sometime? Soon?

Asahi froze. Hadn’t he wanted this to happen? Wasn’t this end game? Or… well, would it be weird? There was a distinct possibility–the only thing he knew for sure about Nina was her love of this game (and any loot box that guaranteed something extra pink and extra adorable). But that wasn’t it… and he knew it.

He knew that if he met her, she’d have to see him. In all his 188 cm glory, with his fucking man-bun (which he still hadn’t gotten rid of, for some reason) and goatee and too-wide shoulders and his scary face… and she’d reject him. And he didn’t want Nina–his Nina–to reject him. Not when it was so good.

Despite all his fears and trepidations, though, he did want to meet her. He wanted to see Nina for real. And go on a date and buy her coffee and call her by her real name. So he agreed to meet on their next day off.

Which was the next day.

~~~

He was looking for a pink cardigan, which sounded just… too cute. He shouldn’t have been surprised, given Nina’s enthusiasm for all things cute and pink in the game. He swallowed hard, debating if he should get decaf today so as to not act completely spastic when he finally met her. He tugged on his wine-colored sweater, trying to not put too much pressure on his left leg, and waited. He didn’t want to be too overt scanning the crowd, in case Nina was there and thought he was a molester or something. Then he’d go to jail and Nina would think he stood her up, which just… wouldn’t be good.

“Um.. excuse me.”

Your small voice at his elbow nearly made him jump, but it was worth the fright, because you were wearing a pink cardigan. His eyes widened at the bright smile. You were so cute!

“N-nina?”

You grinned even wider, a precious pink blush across the tops of your cheeks; “Actually, my name is ____. You must be Vaughn, then.”

“Asahi,” he corrected. “Azumane Asahi.”

“Well, then, Azumane Asahi, should we get a table? This place has amazing crepes, and their coffee is actually really good given the price.”

He smiled, a bubble of pressure releasing from his chest. He followed you to a shaded table under the kitschy awning, ready to get to know you for real.

Kuroo

Kuroo had a dilemma. A quandary, if you would. A predicament. It was the shittiest predicament ever, and he was pretty sure that if he brought up his predicament to Yaku he’d get his balls ripped off for being “ungrateful” but it really wasn’t that simple. See, his dilemma was just this; he liked two people.

Now, to people who’ve never gone through such a trial, it wouldn’t be so bad. Liking two people and all. And some people could take advantage of the fact, especially given how young he was and how prevalent casual dating was. But people weren’t Kuroo. People weren’t the serial monogamist who looked like some sort of casual-sex God (apparently… Kuroo still found that high school reputation highly unsettling) but was in reality a giant cuddle spoon full of shmoop and love.

The other problem was he didn’t exactly know the other person he knew. He gamed with them from time to time, when he got a free hour or so, but they communicated mostly via Skype’s chat function. He’d never even seen their picture. He didn’t even know their real name. But they were an awesome person–they put up with his sense of humor, they could keep up with him, they didn’t seem to mind listening to him pour his anxieties all over them at 2:30 in the morning when school was hard and grad school applications were piling up and what the fuck even is a statement of purpose? And they just… listened. And it felt so nice to just be heard.

And then… well, and then there was you. He didn’t have quite as intimate of a relationship with you as he did with his online friend, but he still liked you. You and him had similar classes, similar taste in music and movies, even similar senses of humor. There were times when he’d tell his online friend a joke only for you to nearly parrot it at him the very next time you saw each other. Most of all, though, you were sweet and caring and beautiful… and for that matter real. Like, he knew you were real. And that was the problem.

His online friend had never seen him, so they got to know him separately of his reputation and his appearance. He could really be himself, whereas sometimes with others–even you–he always felt like he was putting up a front. It wasn’t any fault of yours, it was just an old habit that was hard to break. It was hard showing everything to someone and having them reject it… he knew from experience.

He didn’t know what to do about any of this, but he knew that if it was keeping him up at night he should probably solve it soon. The problem was that there were three people he typically went to when it came to this sort of thing, except Bokuto was at this hyper-intense training camp with the rest of the National team hopefuls, Kenma was caught between research for his undergrad thesis and applications to grad school, and, well… the other person was Nao-chan…

He huffed under his breath, opening his laptop and tapping it impatiently to get it to load faster. He pulled up Skype; Nao-chan’s icon had the little yellow bubble next to their name that showed they were away. Kuroo decided to message them anyway and hope they’d get back to him when they got back.

Kuro-kun: I have a conundrum. Can you talk?

Kuroo smirked at his own name. It was his handle in the game he played with Nao-chan. It wasn’t exactly creative, but too much of his mental energy went to school and maintaining his volleyball scholarship to come up with fancy names for his MMO characters. He went to get his bag to maybe work on some studies, thinking that Nao-chan probably wouldn’t be at their computer for a long time.

Instead, the little indicator lit up with a new message.

Nao-chan: Sure thing, Kuro-kun. The doctor is in. Tell  me about your mother.

Kuroo laughed; Nao-chan could always get him to laugh. They were a lot like you that way.

Kuro-kun: Very funny, Doctor. It’s stupid, but… well, it’s kind of serious.

Nao-chan: Are you dying?

Kuro-kun: Not any more than most people. No, it’s more of a moral quandary.

Nao-chan: Oya oya? Now this I have to hear.

Kuro-kun: I know it’s weird hearing this from me, but could you be serious for a second?

Nao-chan: Sorry, sorry. Bad habit. Seriously, Kuro-kun, you know you can tell me anything. Talk to me

The little heart emoji made this so much harder, but he didn’t want to tell Nao-chan that.

Kuro-kun: See, it’s like this. There’s this girl in like… half my classes. And she’s smart and pretty and she’s really nice. She likes the same music and books and stuff as me, and we have a lot in common and she likes my friends…

Nao-chan: She sounds perfect

Kuro-kun: That’s sort of the problem. I mean, it would be easy to just… pretend that she was the only one. But the problem is I like someone else.

Nao-chan: More than her?

Kuro-kun: Not more or less… just different. See, I can be honest with this person. I’ve told them things I don’t tell anyone. I’ve let them see a side of me I don’t let anyone else see. But I’ve never even seen their face. Maybe if I knew what they looked like… if we talked face to face, it would be easier. Then this other person would be confirmed real and… I sound like a raving lunatic, don’t I?

Nao-chan: Kuro-kun…

Kuro-kun: It’s you, Nao-chan. I like you. I like you a lot. I don’t.. I don’t want this to end. I want to get to know you better and see you and… all that other gross coupley stuff that couples do. Like get coffee and talk about our day without euphemisms. I want to see your smile and hear your laugh and I want to talk to a person when I talk instead of just typing it out. I totally understand if you’re not comfortable. Those are just my feelings.

There was a long pause. A heartbreakingly long pause. Nao-chan went horrifically silent. It was long enough that Kuroo sat and questioned every decision in his life that had lead this moment. He paced around his apartment twice, fed his cat, got a snack, boiled water for tea, and had a very minor panic attack in the time it took for them to respond.

Their response wasn’t something he could have ever anticipated.

Nao-chan: Do you have your webcam set up? If so, don’t respond. Just… start a video call with me.

Kuroo didn’t question it. He immediately hit the little video button, not caring that his laptop was probably in a place where he looked like shit on camera, and his apartment was a mess, and he was pretty sure he was wearing Bokuto’s Spyair sweatshirt, which sent so many wrong messages…

Then, his screen filled with a face. Your face. Your… your perfect, beautiful smiling face. You looked just as surprised as he was, but that gorgeous look of shock and awe was something he wanted to see over and over and over again.

“Hey there, Kuro-kun,” you said, somehow sounding so much better now that he knew who you were. “Nice name, by the way. Did you spend a whole ten seconds thinking about it?”

He couldn’t even defend himself from your teasing. He was too busy trying to not embarrass himself by breaking down into the most ridiculous tears any grown ass man had ever produced. He didn’t have to choose… he could have it all.

When did he get so lucky?

[loozje]

Memories are just like Snowflakes - Secret Santa 2016

This is my gift for @heytsuki for the KMM Secret Santa 2016.

First of all, sorry it took so long. You’re such a dear for being so patient. 

This is also my first time writing about Shinou and the Daikenja. I haven’t actually read too much about them so I hope I got them right. Still, I had fun writing this even though it took forever.

Heytsuki, I really hope you’ll like it. Merry (belated) Christmas.

It’s a bit lengthy so you can either read it here on AO3 or continue to read after the cut.

Also, this will contain some spoilers for people who haven’t listened to Drama CD 43 - Secret.

It wasn’t unusual for Murata Ken to spend some of his nights lounging around in the royal bedroom, whether he was invited or not. It was certainly warmer than his room at the temple – not even a group of young virgin women could bring enough heat to reduce that terrible draft – and here Murata had a chance of goading his best friend Shibuya into another Murakenzu. Though with the way the king was yawning it would seem that their comedy act would have to wait.

“Nee, Shibuya, if you’re that tired it’s okay to finish the rest tomorrow.”

“No way! Absolutely not! It’s Christmas Eve, Murata, Christmas. And I, who is playing the role of Santa, cannot slack off until every present is wrapped.” Shibuya says stubbornly before trying to keep another yawn at bay. Lord von Bielefeld, the other occupant of the room, had already lost his battle with sleep and was now peacefully drifting off in Shibuya’s lap. He looked content, with Shibuya brushing his fingers through the golden locks, and Murata had to briefly suppress an emotion he wasn’t quite comfortable with naming yet.

“Either way,” the king continued, “We’re almost done.” And indeed, between the mess consisting of wrapping paper, strings, and cards lay enough presents for every child of the many staff members who worked in the castle. One extra-large and extravagant present for the princess, containing a carefully selected gift both her fathers had picked out for her, sat separately from the rest. “I only have to finish these last two and all that will be left is to put them in the bag.”

Shibuya diligently resumed his wrapping.

When the light of the fire reflects in the wrapping paper Murata’s eyes were immediately drawn to the hearth. It had been burning for quite some time now and the embers glowed red with much-needed warmth. Winter had taken a cold turn and the snow was piling up outside. With the way it was going the princess would get her wish and would get to build that snowman she wanted. Though Murata suspected the king would be out of the front doors long before her.

Murata couldn’t take his eyes away from the snow. Even the sound of Shibuya wrapping and Lord von Bielefeld’s soft snores faded away for a second. And just like that it was over and time seemed to move again. With Shibuya so consumed by the presents Murata felt it safe to grimace. And here he thought his control of his memory had been perfect, but it would seem flashes of pasts that weren’t really his but then again were still could pop up unwanted.

It had been a night, quite similar to this. Three people in front of a fire while the snow was raging outside. A semblance so strong Murata couldn’t ignore it.

He had been the Daikenja then, the previous life he was known for. And Shinou had been there too. Murata wondered what the people would say if they knew that even he had trouble remembering their true names.

Memory is a funny thing you see. Sometimes you can recall things as if you just experienced them seconds ago, with details you didn’t even think you had noticed. Other times memories were tightly locked away, hidden under other useless information that wouldn’t let you find what you had been looking for. And on some rare occasions memories were just memories, even if you hadn’t really experienced them yourself.

This had been a pleasant memory though. And after his slight annoyance had passed away he might even be glad this sprung upon him. Good memories were so few and far in between. Maybe, he would indulge himself. Just this once.

-*-*-*-

The double black had never been so glad to see a single cabin in the wilderness before. During another one of the quests Shinou had whimsically decided to go on they had been caught by a surprise snowstorm. Turns out not even Shinou could control the weather. Yet.

The Daikenja was occasionally shooting worried glances at Shinou. All of their clothes had gotten soaked and even Rufus’ desperate attempts with fire magic wasn’t enough to keep them from shivering. So the lonely abandoned cabin was gladly welcomed by all three of them.

They hurried inside and quickly closed the door. A quick scan told them the building had been abandoned in a hurry. Cabins were hanging half open and the table still had some bowls on them. The family that had lived her had probably gotten interrupted during dinner. It was sad, the Daikenja supposed, but after realizing they had left almost all their possessions he didn’t feel too bad. At least now they would have food and other necessities.

“What luck that we stumbled upon this house.” Rufus said relieved now that His Majesty was no longer in danger of freezing to death.

“Hmph. How weak. That we had to rely on luck.” Shinou scoffed and promptly sat down in the comfiest looking chair, legs wide and arms crossed.

“Your Majesty?”

“Just let him sulk, Rufus.” The Daikenja finally deemed it right to interfere. “He’s just grumpy because he’s cold and wet.”

“I’m not sulking!”

Well, try to explain that pout then.

“No matter. There’s an issue we need to address first. Your Majesty, Rufus, please take off your clothes.”

Their reactions were imminent. Shinou half shot up from his chair, now much more interested, resting his head on his hands, while Rufus hugged her chest and turned away with a beginning blush. He probably could have worded that better, the Daikenja realized, but the damage had already been done.

“Could this be. . . My Daikenja, are you finally showing us your dark side.” Shinou said with glee, the smile on his face infuriating.

“So even sir Daikenja has thoughts like this. . .”

“No you two!” He couldn’t believe he had to raise his voice. “We need to get out of these wet clothes or we’re going to freeze.”

Shinou only started that low chuckle of his that left the Daikenja feeling quite quaint.

“Relax, my Daikenja. I was just kidding. I would be different if you were two beautiful women, of course.”

“I-I-I’m going to start a fire. Please excuse me.” Rufus announced promptly and turned to the empty hearth.

“Did I say something wrong?” Shinou asked, genuinely confused and the Daikenja could barely restrain a sign. Honestly, this man could be so brilliant and clueless at the same time. Luckily that’s why he had him at his side, to notice the things the king didn’t.

“Just let Rufus be. A fire will be helpful.”

“He’s not going to overexert himself though? He’s been using his maryoku all day.”

“Are you worried? That’s not like you.” The Daikenja said with a faint smile and Shinou’s eyes were drawn to him again.

“I do care about my people, you know. I’m not completely heartless.”

It was such an offhanded comment that the Daikenja felt himself grow fonder of this man, not that he would ever directly say it out loud. Instead he made sure that Shinou was still watching him before saying.

“I know.”

It was Shinou who broke eye contact first, opting instead to watch Rufus light up the small logs.

“. . . If you know then stop questioning me.”

“But if I don’t who will.” Shinou turned to him again. “Now, undress. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was urgent.”

The moment was lost and Shinou finally started to undress. From the corner of his eye the Daikenja shot a quick look to Rufus. Her movements had slowed down and she was now nervously looking anywhere but Shinou’s increasingly naked body. He supposed he should give her a way out.

“Rufus.” He addressed her kindly while unclasping his cape. “After we finish undressing can you go look for some dry clothes. It’s probable that the previous owners left some behind.”

“R-Right, sir Daikenja.” Rufus stammered as she still struggled to keep her eyes from wandering. “Actually, why don’t I go look for them right now.”

They both watch as she hurries from the room and hastily closes the door behind her.

“Now that I think about it, I have never seen Rufus undress with us before.” Shinou says after he resumes undressing. “He must be very shy.”

“Don’t go prying later.” The Daikenja immediately warns him. He takes the discarded wet clothes and hangs them on some antlers that are mounted on the wall next to the hearth. It would take a while for them to dry completely if not the entire night.

Shinou moves towards the window and seems completely comfortable strolling around naked in someone else’s house. The Daikenja, on the other hand, feels too much exposed, too vulnerable, even here in a lonely cabin with people he should trust. Instead, he sits, his leg over his other, covering his parts, and quietly obverses his king.

Thoughts seemed to possess Shinou’s mind, coupled with a faint impatience. It wouldn’t be long now before Shinou would give them voice.

“You’re quiet.” Shinou said as he turned to him. “This is just a minor setback, you know. As soon as the snow lets up we’ll be out of here and achieve our goal.”

“You’re right.” The Daikenja said and Shinou seemed to beam with pride at the words. “Something like this won’t stop us. But I still feel like I have to tell you to be more careful.”

“It’s not like I’m reckless.” Shinou immediately argued.

“I never said you were.” He was arrogant, full of himself and bratty even, but not reckless. Shinou didn’t play to lose. “But you do lose your edge when things don’t go your way.”

Shinou seemed ready to argue some more but eventually resigned himself to the only person he would ever allow himself to.

“But that’s why I have you, my Daikenja. You, my number one strategist, would never allow me to fail.”

“And what if I’m no longer here.” The Daikenja barely whispered. They lived dangerous lives and he didn’t know if he would walk next to his king forever. Shinou however didn’t seem to appreciate the unspoken advice. Instead a scowl worthy of a Maou clouded his face and he marched over to where the Daikenja was sitting, looming over him.

“Are you planning on-“ He spat out.

“No.” The Daikenja said firmly, keeping his gaze steady. Shinou’s nose flared for a second before his features relaxed again.

“Then don’t talk like that.”

It seemed neither were very comfortable with the silence that followed and their gaze broke. As the Daikenja instead focused on Shinou’s drying hair he wondered if perhaps he should continue, no matter how uneasy the subject was for both of them. But Shinou never gave him the chance.

“You seem cold.” The man spoke as he traced his fingers over the Double Black’s goosebumps. The Daikenja swallowed. When had those appeared?

It was of course that moment that Rufus decided to come back.

“Your Majesty, Sir Daikenja, I found some- !!!” Her voice broke in a high shrill after she saw the position the two of them were in, her hand immediately clasped itself over her eyes while she held the clothes she had found for them out in a shaky hand. “I-I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to walk in on-!”

“Ah, Rufus, perfect timing.” Shinou said unfazed and he strolled over to her to grab the clothes. “Hmm, let’s see which one will suit me best. Huh? They’re all the same.”

“These were all I could find, Your Majesty. It seemed like the owners all had the same hideous taste.”

And indeed, the outfit Shinou handed him wasn’t very flattering. Similar to what Rufus and Shinou were now wearing the Daikenja was clothed in a red woolen sweater, abundantly decorated by the makes apparent love for red nosed reindeers. The pants at least, although also a striking red, were of a normal cut and lined with white fur.

“Well, at least there is no one to see His Majesty dressed like that.” The Daikenja muttered, now no longer shivering.

“What are you talking about, my Daikenja. We match, don’t we.”

“We all match.” Rufus added more for herself.

“This cabin is getting stranger by the minute though. Are you sure you didn’t find anything else, Rufus?” Now that they were no longer in danger of freezing to death it would be wise to take a closer look at their shelter. They still didn’t know why the owners had left in a hurry.

“None, Sir Daikenja. Just stacks of red sweaters and some fur lined coats.”

“Hmmm, I think I want to know more about the people who lived here.” The Daikenja said, his hand coming to rest on his chin. “I propose we invite ourselves for a little tour.”

“Anything you want.” Shinou said with that confident grin of his.

“You know I’m going to hold you to that someday soon.”

After a quite look in the bedroom Rufus had already checked out, and confirmed the owners love for red and white themed clothes, they advanced to the rest of the house.

The kitchen was next. It was a humble one, nothing like the ones the staff used when they held court at one of the many castles, nor was it as big as the makeshift kitchen tents hastily set up at the camp sites.

It was also surprisingly quite modern. It had an oven and even a water pipe system that seemed to come from a water barrel outside. Though that one would have likely frozen with this weather.

The cabinets, however, were fully stocked. Most contained food that was easily preservable and they found some salted meats and smoked fish.  

“Well, the good news is that even if we’re going to be snowed in we won’t starve.” The Daikenja said with a satisfied smile. Sure, he hadn’t cooked much in a while and Shinou wasn’t allowed to cook anything after last time – he just didn’t have the patience – but between himself and Rufus he supposed they could whip up something edible.

“I have some better news.” Shinou said while searching through some other cabinets. “I found their alcohol stash.”

“Put that back.” The Daikenja responses immediately.

“You never let me have any fun.” Shinou nearly whined. They both knew it wasn’t true. The Daikenja was far too lenient with Shinou. But he couldn’t help it. There was something about his king that drew you in. Damn it, Shinou, for being so. . .

“I wonder what kind of person His Majesty becomes after drinking?” Rufus said contemplating, having returned from gathering some snow to turn into water.

“Why, Rufus. I have an amazing tolerance. I never get drunk.” Shinou boasted, but wisely set the alcohol back down.

“This guy, he turns into a clingy old lecher.” The Daikenja deadpanned.  

“Oi, don’t tell him that so casually. Don’t listen to him, Rufus. I’m the perfect drunk.”

“I want to see it, the face His Majesty makes when drunk.” Rufus’ smile was so sweet both Shinou and the Daikenja felt themselves lost for words for a few seconds before the Daikenja returned the smile.

“W-well, if we’re not going to drink we might as well check the rest of the rooms.” Shinou said as he walked past them muttering something about Siegbert having iron self-control. As expected, a smile like that was enough to floor even the smoothest of men. Though the Daikenja still wasn’t sure if Shinou was aware of Rufus’ true gender. Probably not.

As they left the kitchen the Daikenja lingered a bit behind the two and he briefly checked to see if Shinou was out of earshot before whispering to Rufus.

“Nothing this man could do could make you hate him, huh?”

Rufus slowed her pace and started walking next to him, very aware of the real meaning behind the words.

“The same goes for you, too. Right, Sir Daikenja?” She replied in the same knowing tone, both of their eyes never leaving their king’s back. With a finality the Daikenja realized they never stood a chance.

“I’d rather not find out if that’s true.” He finally settled on saying. He didn’t have to look to feel Rufus agree.

“I think this is the only room we haven’t checked.” Shinou said as he abruptly stopped in front of a single door at the end of a hallway.

“Why would this room be located so far from the others?” Rufus asked as they caught up, standing on the tip of her toes to peer over Shinou’s shoulders. It was a good question, the Daikenja thought and he looked for any other abnormalities.

The door creaked heavily as Shinou swung it open and they saw that it wasn’t technically a room. Instead it revealed an old staircase that let straight into the darkness.

“A basement?” The Daikenja said surprised. He certainly wouldn’t have pecked this cabin to have one. The building was located on a solid rock, digging out a decent sized basement would have been a pricy business.

“Hmmm, this certainly makes me curious.” Shinou hummed, trying to peer inside.

“Please, Your Majesty, allow me.” Rufus jumped to the front and lighted her fire once more. The Daikenja felt better knowing that she would go first if something were to happen and not Shinou, but at this rate Rufus would overexert herself. Shinou knew it too.

“Rufus.” He warned her.

“I’ll keep it small. I’ll be fine.” And under the watchful eyes of Shinou and the Daikenja she traveled down the stairs.

The small light twinkled gently in her hands and lighted the path enough for them to see.

“There appears to be no one here.” Rufus yelled up as she had reached the bottom. Shinou and the Daikenja soon joined her.

The Daikenja surveyed the room, tracing his hand on the wall left to him. As expected the walls were made of the same rock the room had been carved out of. He shifted his weighted from one foot to the other, checking for any signs of breaking. Though the wooden floor underneath them squeaked whenever they walked, it seemed to hold up pretty well.

After inspecting their close surroundings Rufus sent her flame forward. This time they could see a couple of benches, littered with work tools. Saws in all sizes lay together with chisels, drills and gouges. Shinou strolled over and picked up one of the knives before turning his eyes on the projects the tools had been creating. It was a small wooden horse on wheels, fasten with a string around its collar. Shinou pulled the rope gently and moved the horse along.

“It’s a toy workshop.” The Daikenja said as he spotted more and more toys laying around and picked up a nearby wooden miniature of a warrior. Though unfinished, the details on the woodworks were near astonishing and the Daikenja could just make out a carved frown on the warrior’s tiny face.

Without a reason he put the miniature in his pocket, feeling the strange urge to keep the figurine.

From the corner of his eye the Daikenja could see Rufus freeze. She had previously been testing some of the toys too, her flame swinging a bit from side to side, but now her movements had stilled.

“Rufus, are you alright?” The Daikenja asked as he followed her line of sight.

It was the back wall, the one furthest from the stairs so they hadn’t seen it previously. Hanging on it, from top to bottom were shelves stacked with doll heads. Some were small, others large with wisps of hair hanging from their crowns. But they all had the same unnerving glass eyes that stared into nothingness.

“I don’t know.” Shinou said as he came to stand next to them, his fingers over his chin in a pose that would be more proper in an art gallery. “I kind of like the aesthetic it has going on.”

Rufus didn’t seem to think so and after the initial shock had worn off her hands started shaking furiously.

Someone must have shifted their weight because the floorboard creaked again. Rufus eeped before accidentally letting her flame go out.

They had expected total darkness to follow after their only source of light went out but were surprised when a green glow seemed to echo off the wall.

The glow came from the dolls eyes, Hundreds of little lights faintly flickering in the dark, shining their faint glow on the head themselves, making them appear to be floating. The Daikenja hoped it was only his imagination but the pupils that had before just stared aimlessly ahead now seemed to be turned on them.

The three made their decision unanimously and slowly backed away to the stairs. Once up they shut the door, locked it and in Rufus’ case even welded the lock close. It wasn’t until Shinou and Rufus had placed the wardrobe in front of the entrance that they felt remotely at ease.

“You know what. Maybe I could use a drink right now.” The Daikenja said after the whole ordeal, the toy warrior still in his pocket.

An hour or so later they had sat down in front of the fire. Wanting to remain as close as possible to the fire they had dragged the beds into the living room. Now with blankets and pillows all around them and their bellies full with the soup they had made, they were cozying in the warmth of the flames. They had also dragged all the bottles of wine with them, one and a half were already emptied.

“Why is it,” Shinou asked after they had opened the third bottle. “That even though I’m king I still don’t have beautiful ladies hanging off me. You would think they’d come swarming. But no, I’m always either in a meeting or on the battlefield. I mean, I absolutely love the thrill of battle, but it would be even more perfect if afterward I could have a woman or two.

“Oh how terrible.” The Daikenja said sarcastically, his words slurring a bit more than he’d like. Rufus just giggled lightly at the playful mockery, her cheeks glowing with a healthy red. “Whatever shall you do.”

“His Majesty sure has no luck huh.” Rufus said, a giggle ringing on every word.

“See. Rufus gets it.” Shinou said and he swung his arm around her.

“Careful.” The Daikenja warned as the action had spilled a bit of the wine. He fruitlessly dabbed the damp spot before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort. Meanwhile Rufus refilled Shinou’s now empty glass.

“My Daikenja, get here.” Shinou said dragging his last words before taking another swing of his drink.

“I am here.”

“Noooo, here here.” And Shinou gestured with his unoccupied arm, the other still encircling Rufus. “Come.”

Ah. . . Well, if it was a command from his King, the Daikenja reasoned, he shouldn’t refuse it.

He crawled over, a bit shy at first, before laying himself in Shinou’s open arm. Shinou immediately pulled him close and the Daikenja’s black hair spilled all over Shinou’s chest.

“This is good.” Shinou said contempt. “You know, both of you have such long hair I can almost imagine myself with two women.”

“How about some more wine, You Majesty. Your glass is almost empty.” Rufus didn’t wait for his answer and poured his cup full again.

Rufus, are you trying to get him drunk on purpose?

“Listen you two.” Shinou said, not caring that he was getting to the point that he would wake up with a killer hangover. “This is very important. It’s a big secret. I have another reason why I have you two in my arms other than your pretty hair.”

Shinou tried to sit up straighter but instead ended up leading a bit too much to the front.

“When it’s cold like this, it’s very important to share body heat. In fact, skin to skin contact might be necessary. We should get naked.”

“No, we will not!” The Daikenja said firmly, feeling a bit disappointed at himself for expecting a real secret from his king. Shinou only pouted.

“Buuuut, my Daikenja. We might die.” He whined. “I can’t let my Daikenja die. My Daikenja can’t die. That would make me. . .”

Whether the distress of his king was genuine or not, the Daikenja still felt the need to comfort him.

“We won’t die. We’re in front of a fire and we exchanged our wet clothes for dry ones, remember.” The Daikenja let his head rest freely on Shinou’s chest. It was a good thing they were wearing red, his face wouldn’t stand out so much.

“So you’ll stay with me.” Shinou said content, keeping both of them close to his chest. It didn’t matter. It made a fine pillow anyway.

Meanwhile Rufus has somehow managed the impossible feat of removing their glasses to a safe distance while still being held trapped in the king’s arm.

“It was still an important secret though.” Shinou said now that the both of them had settled back down in his arms. He lay on his back, a few pillows keeping him comfort while their feet huddled together for warmth.

“It’s a good one.” Rufus decided. “I will pass this down to my family and they will do the same.”

“I don’t really know if it counts as a secret, though.” The Daikenja mumbled but no one really seemed to hear.

Shinou was dozing off. His eyes were falling shut and by the rising of his chest the Daikenja knew it wouldn’t be long before he was completely asleep.

Opposite to him Rufus was taking full advantage of her position and nuzzled into the crook of Shinou’s arm. When she caught the Daikenja observing her she had the decency to look away.

“It won’t be easy.” The Daikenja told her. He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to tell her this, but something compelled him to talk. Rufus turned to him again. Their eye met, sharing a camaraderie; a shared bond for this man that held them captive.

“This man, he hides things and won’t ever be completely honest.”

“I know His Majesty lies to us sometimes.” Rufus said.

“He doesn’t like to rely on others.” He continued. “He won’t know his own limits.”

“We’ll carry his burdens. When he can’t carry them.” Rufus whispered back.

“He takes more than he’s willing to give.”

Why was he listing this?

“He will use you as he sees fit.”

Who was he warning?

“I’ll do anything.” Rufus finally said, echoing his own feelings.

A faint smile formed on his face. Resistance was truly futile.

“Careful. It may just come to that.”

The Daikenja was a brilliant man. Maou Shinou’s best strategist and number one confidant. He really ought to listen to his own advice more often.

-*-*-*-

Huh, what happened after that?

Murata racked his brain, trying to find the corresponding memory but seemed to draw a blank.

Though it was no wonder he suddenly remembered that night in the cabin.

“Oi, Murata. Just because you’re done with your task doesn’t mean you get to space out like that.” Shibuya reminded him. “Though I finally finished.”

Oh well. Murata smiled. It might have looked a bit familiar, but this king in front of him was far kinder.

. . . And currently trying to keep himself from falling asleep. It seemed his duties as the Great Sage would never end.

“Ah, Sorry, Shibuya. I just got caught up in something.” Murata said and then as he as Shibuya’s curious face, he added. “It was nothing important really. Though I better start doing my part.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m going to help you deliver the presents of course. As King and the Great Sage we can share the role of Santa. Even on Earth that man has many helpers, though I’m not going to wear a beard. My face will get warm and my glasses will fog up.”

Murata stood up and put the final presents in the large bag.

“In fact, why don’t I go ahead so you can put Lord von Bielefeld into a proper bed. He’s going to get a crick in his neck at this point.”

“Fine, but don’t deliver everything before I can catch up. I’ve been waiting all week for this.”

“Have you seen the size of that bag. I’m probably not even going to be done with this wing before you come join me.”

With a bit more trouble that he would like to admit Murata swung the bag over his shoulder, giving Shibuya and the sleeping form of Lord von Bielefeld a quick wave before opening the door.

From behind him a voice rang out to him.

“Nee, Murata.”

“What is it, Shibuya?”

“Thanks for always looking out for us.”

“. . . Don’t mention it. . .”