#the presentation is in 2 days and i am freaking tf out

[thesquidkid]

I do not recommend having to finish writing a thesis, do a presentation for said thesis, and move to a new house, all in the same week. that shit is way too stressful

[atlabeth]

between colleagues pt 2 - anthony lockwood

part one

summary: the morning after and some shopping. this is still a great plan. right?

a/n: lol this took forever to come out but ive been busy asf and dealing with a lot of personal issues but i am really loving these two and they made me feel better so i hope you all enjoy!! they really are just two idiots in love lmao the shop scene was v fun

wc: 4.1k

warning(s): fem!reader, small mention of death in regards to a case, reader freaking tf out for a second. but basically no warnings this is all fluff

also im aware i use this gif a lot but it's like my favorite one of him so uhhhh yeah

Your shoulder was stiff when you woke up, and you had to stifle a groan of discomfort as you rolled onto your back. So much for staying off your injured side, you thought disdainfully. Typical of you to sabotage yourself in your sleep. 

A glance over at the other empty bed proved Lucy was awake, and a glance at the clock on the wall proved she might have been awake for quite some time. 

It was six in the bloody evening. Lockwood’s call with the Caldecotts must have gone well if you were able to sleep for 14 hours. You normally would have had the sense to be a little bit ashamed of sleeping an entire day away, but after the job you’d had and the arrangement you made with Lockwood, you felt like you deserved it. 

You pulled yourself out of bed and went through the paces of making yourself presentable at the very least, then threw on a sweatshirt and made your way downstairs. Lockwood was alone in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a half-eaten piece of toast in front of him and the agency’s case binder in his lap. 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Lockwood said, glancing up from the files on his lap with a smile. You rolled your eyes at him as you walked into the kitchen. 

“Would you believe me if I said I was still tired?” You took a cup from the cabinet and filled it at the tap, taking a sip as you glanced out the window. Night had already fallen, and you could see the flickering of ghost lamps in the distance. 

“You know, I think I would,” he said. “You didn’t make it the full 24 hours you promised—I think you’ve still got some in you.” 

You chuckled and shook your head. “Where’s Lucy and George?” 

“Grocery shopping,” he said, and he looked at the clock. “It’s taking them an awful long while, though.” 

“Why are they shopping at night?” you asked. 

Lockwood shrugged. “George really wanted to make pad thai, but we have none of the ingredients. Apparently, it’s important enough to warrant a night trip to the store. Lucy offered to go with him, and I made them take their rapiers, so it should be fine.” 

“Of course you did,” you mused. “Did you tell them about our little arrangement?” 

His eyes filled with amusement. “No. I figured you would want the honor.” 

You sighed and let your head fall back. “Kind as always, Lockwood.” 

“You should probably start calling me Anthony,” he said. “Just to get used to it.” 

“What,” you said dryly, looking back down at him, “girlfriends don’t usually call their boyfriends by their last name?” 

“I think your family may frown upon it.” Lockwood checked his watch, then set the binder on the table and stood up. “If you get a kettle going, I’ll make us tea.” 

“Bored of write-ups already?” you asked, crouching down to pull the kettle out of a cabinet. Lockwood chuckled as he took the tin of tea bags out of the closet, and he turned the burner on just as you finished filling the pot up. 

“I try to do my part, but they’re really not my forte,” he said. “You and George are much better at them.” 

“And it comes from filing reports since the tender age of eight,” you said solemnly as you set the kettle on the stovetop.

Just then, the sound of a lock clicking open drew your attention, and you smiled as Lucy and George came inside. George had a reusable bag in one hand and her rapier in another, and Lucy also had hers drawn. 

Your brows knit together. “Run into any ghosts?” 

“Good morning to you too,” George said. You gave him a mocking look in return. 

“No,” Lucy answered, pushing the door shut with her foot, “just being careful. Because somebody swore he saw a Spectre and refused to let a Visitor run away with his goods.”

“I am starving,” George enunciated. “I wasn’t going to let a ghost ruin all my hard work.” 

Lockwood smiled. “Well, I’m glad you’re both intact.”

“I’m glad you’re finally up,” George said with a look at you. “I thought you’d never come out.”

“She slept like a brick,” Lucy said. “I knocked over all the bottles in the shower and she never even stirred.”

You shrugged. “Last night was exhausting. For many reasons.”

The kettle went off and you turned the burner back down. Lockwood took two more mugs out of the cabinet and set tea bags in them, then poured the boiling water into all four. You handed him the sugar container with a pointed look. 

“Remember, half—” 

“Half a teaspoon,” he nodded, taking it from you with a wry smile. “I remember.” 

“Good,” you said. “You’re always a little heavy handed.” 

“Are you saying I add extra sweetness into your life?” Lockwood asked, and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“How did you know?” 

“You know, we’re also here,” Lucy spoke up, though when you turned to her she was barely hiding a smile. 

“As if I could ever forget you, Lucy Carlyle,” you said. “How’s your day been?” 

“Quiet without you,” she said. “Lockwood’s been on the phone all day, and even though George didn’t sleep quite as long as you, he still woke up at two in the afternoon.” 

“Oh, please,” George said over his shoulder, in the midst of rifling through his groceries, “I earned it. We all did, after the night we had.” 

“True,” she said, tilting her head. “I actually didn’t have any nightmares for once— I’ve never slept so soundly.” 

“See?” You gestured at her. “The charms I put on the walls are working.” 

Lucy gave you a look. “You can’t seriously believe that.” 

“No ghosts have gotten into our room!” you exclaimed. “And both of our nightmares have been getting better. That dragon is protecting us.” 

Lockwood bit back a smile. “I still cannot believe you bought that.” 

“Seriously,” George said, still organizing ingredients. “A week’s wages, just gone.” 

You frowned. “My iron dragon is incredible, thank you very much. Besides, I’m supporting local businesses.” You glanced at Lockwood. “So the supply calls were made?”

“Every last one of them,” he confirmed as he stirred sugar into your tea. “Satchell’s was very happy to get our business again. Salt bombs will be in on Friday, flares come next week, and we’re getting brand new chains tomorrow. Plus a couple new silver glass containers from Sunrise.”

“That’s smart,” you said. “I think I threw our last square container in the furnaces last week.” 

George frowned. “We went into the disaster that was last night without any silver glass?”

Lockwood cleared his throat as he handed you your mug, then set the other two on the table for Lucy and George. “Everything worked out in the end.”

Lucy just sighed. “We cut things too close for comfort.”

“The Lockwood & Co motto,” you said before taking a sip of tea. Perfectly sweetened. “How about the Caldecotts?”

“Rescheduled for tomorrow at half past noon,” Lockwood said. “Do you think you’ll be awake by then?”

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly. “I didn’t forget our deal that quickly.”

George raised his eyebrows. “What deal?”

“Oh, nothing,” you said. “Just sold my soul for a favor from Lockwood.”

Lucy frowned, eyeing the two of you. “Elaborate.”

Lockwood hid his smile with a sip of tea as he also looked at you. So this was still your treat. 

You shrugged. “We’re going to a wedding together.”

“Not exactly selling your soul,” George said. “Congrats.”

You rolled your eyes. “We’re going together.” 

“Congrats,” he said again. “Are we just emphasizing words now?” 

“We’re going as a couple,” Lockwood said. 

Lucy’s eyes widened and George nearly choked on his tea as they blurted out the same thing. “What?” 

“A fake couple,” you added hastily, “to fool my family.”

“…Oh,” Lucy said, glancing at George. “That’s…”

“Less exciting,” he finished. 

Lockwood made a face. “Less exciting? George, we’re going to be lying to her whole family for a whole weekend. I’d say that’s quite exciting.” 

He glanced at Lucy for a moment before he sighed and looked back at Lockwood with a shake of his head. “Sure.” 

“Anyways,” you segued, “I just thought you two should know. It’s not for another month and half, but between the usual ghost-hunting we’re going to be doing a fair bit of planning together.”

“Spend all the time together that you want,” Lucy said. “George and I are good enough at holding down the fort, right?”

“It was just Lockwood and I for months at the beginning of all this, and half the time I was on my own because of investigatory whims,” George said. “At least you’re usually sort of predictable, Luce.”

She frowned. “I take offense to that.”

Lockwood chuckled and shook his head as he set the other two cups of tea down on the table for them. “We won’t impede work at all, I promise. I’ll make sure everything still goes as smoothly as possible.”

“What Lucy said,” George said, finally satisfied with the order of all the ingredients as he got to work. “Spend as much time together as you want.” 

“Maybe you will,” you said haughtily. “Maybe Lockwood’s lying and we’ll completely abandon our duties.” 

“We won’t,” Lockwood assured, and you merely smiled as you took another sip of tea. 

“Speaking of work,” Lucy said, “we ran into Kipps and Godwin on the way to the store.” 

Lockwood’s expression hardened and he set his mug down a bit too forcefully. “Why didn’t you say that earlier?” 

“Because it was nothing,” George said, looking up from cutting vegetables. You were glad he was the one with a knife and not Lockwood. “Just typical Kipps posturing.” 

“He told us about some job they got,” Lucy said. “Some ridiculously rich widow hired Fittes to find and clear out the ghost of her husband, and they were put on the case.” 

“What was her name?” Lockwood asked. 

“I wasn’t really paying attention, if I’m being honest,” she said. 

“Agnes Colville,” George said. 

“That bastard!” Lockwood’s jaw clenched and he moved across the room to a stack of newspapers on the floor, toppling over from the height. He crouched down and began rifling through them, and after a second he pulled out one and held it up for you all to see. The look in his eye was only slightly crazed, which was admittedly progress. “He stole it from us!”

“I do remember seeing her in the paper,” you said after taking a moment to scan the cover. Her husband died of old age, and it was only because of their impressive fortune that anyone knew of it. “A tragedy.” 

“I talked to her first,” he insisted, still crouched on the ground. “I called her right after I got this paper, and she told me she wasn’t looking for any agents.” 

“She changed her mind, I guess,” Lucy said with a shrug. 

“Or Kipps bothered her until she changed it,” Lockwood grumbled. 

“Great,” George said wryly as he pushed garlic off his knife. “We’re going to be working double time to make up for this, aren’t we?” 

“Sharp as always,” Lockwood said, and he finally stood up as he set the newspaper back down. He pointed a finger at you. “After we go dress shopping tomorrow, it’s straight to the archives to pick up a better case than Kipps.”

You raised an eyebrow. “We’re going dress shopping tomorrow?”

“Did I not tell you?” He frowned. “Caldecotts then dress shopping. And now archives.”

“No,” you said, “you absolutely didn’t.”

Lockwood shrugged. “Well, now you know. We’re going dress shopping.”

“Awfully eager to get into this boyfriend role,” George said.

“I take my job seriously.”

“I already have a dress, Lockwood,” you said. “Dorothy Perkins, remember?”

“This is a special occasion,” he said. “You deserve something nice.”

You felt your cheeks warm and you looked right at him. “You’ll pay?”

“Of course,” he said. “Business expenses, remember?”

You laughed and shook your head. “Yeah. Alright, we can go dress shopping. But if I’m getting a new dress, you’re getting a new suit.”

“Fair’s fair,” he said.

“Do we get any new clothes on your bill?” George asked. “Or is that just reserved for your fake girlfriend?” 

“Oh, come off it, George,” Lucy said. “Let them have some fun together.” 

“Thank you, Lucy,” you said as you sat down across from her. 

“Of course,” she said. “You’re saving me from the Caldecotts and a day in the archives. I should really be thanking you.” 

You turned to look at Lockwood. “You’re not going to use this as an excuse to get me to come along on all your errands with you, are you?” 

“Do try and be supportive, love,” Lockwood said. “It’s only right as my girlfriend.” 

You groaned as you leaned back in your chair, trying your best to ignore Lucy’s smile. “Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.” 

“Another Lockwood & Co motto,” George mused. “How fitting.” 

-

“Is that Anthony Lockwood walking through my door?” 

You looked up when you walked through the door after Lockwood, a grin already on his face as the boutique saleswoman, a kindly older woman, greeted him. A worker at an upscale clothing store knew him by name—already a good sign. 

“Ms. Bridgeston,” Lockwood said, “it’s been too long.” 

“It certainly has, young man!” She pulled him into a hug and he returned it, and the woman looked at you when she pulled away. “And who is this darling girl with you?” 

Lockwood said your name with a gesture, and you smiled and held out your hand. “I’m his associate.” 

“And my girlfriend,” he added as she shook your hand. You shot him a look over her shoulder with wide, questioning eyes. 

“Practicing,” he mouthed at you with a shrug. He was so ridiculous that you had to stifle a laugh. 

“Yes,” you said, looking back at her with a smile, “his girlfriend, too.” 

“Well, it is wonderful to meet you, dear.” Ms. Bridgeston smiled at Lockwood. “Anthony here has wonderful taste in apparel—he was right to bring you here.” 

“I believe it,” you said with a glance around. “We’re actually in the market for wedding clothes—my cousin is getting married soon.” 

“Oh, congratulations!” She clasped her hands together, eyes shining as she looked between both of you. “Is there anything you need help with, or would you just like to look around?” 

“We’re good to just look,” Lockwood said, “but we’ll certainly let you know if we need anything.” 

Ms. Bridgeston nodded with another smile. “Certainly. I’ll be in the back stocking if you need me.” 

“Thank you,” you said, and you looked at Lockwood as she walked off. “Any ideas?” 

He shook his head. “Get whatever you’d like. This is a very special occasion.” 

You chuckled and nodded, going off to look at a rack of dresses. The agency had been doing well for itself lately. You supposed you could splurge on a nicer dress after nearly dying a couple dozen times. “What are you going for?” 

“Oh, I’m not getting anything here,” he said. “I’ve already got a suit at home, and I’ll get a pocket square that matches whatever color you’re wearing. We’re shopping for you—I’m just having fun here.”

“How exquisite,” you mused as you ran your finger over velvet. “We’ve only been fake dating for a day and you’re already all in.” 

“Consider it getting in character,” Lockwood said. “We’ll already have gotten all our mistakes out of the way by wedding time.” 

“Wise as always.” You took the maroon dress off the rack and continued moving down the line, and you glanced over at Lockwood. “You’ve already got what you want?” 

“Most of my wardrobe is black and white.” He held up a navy suit. “This is different.” 

“Hardly,” you said with a chuckle. “Dark blue is almost black.” 

“This is my version of fun,” Lockwood said wryly, and you smiled as he went into the dressing room. 

You spent the next while picking out dresses that struck your fancy, and by the time Lockwood was done, you had five in your arms. When he walked out, you nearly dropped them all. 

You didn’t know what was wrong with you. 

Perhaps it was lingering sleep deprivation from the near 24 hours you spent awake the other day. Perhaps it was lingering anger from your dealings with the Caldecotts—no amount of money could make dealing with Lorena worth it, but all those zeroes did help—or perhaps you were just already losing your mind. 

Despite your complaints, you weren’t averse to the day Lockwood had planned out. Seeing as you’d spent entire days rooting through the archives with him on wild goose chases, an afternoon after an interview and some shopping wasn’t the worst it could get.

But now, standing in the back of the store as Lockwood emerged, you were beginning to question the wisdom of this decision. 

Because you honest to God didn’t know what was wrong with you. You saw Lockwood in suits every day, or at least something suit-adjacent. Slacks, a jacket and tie, a million white dress shirts that you always end up folding. Pristine shoes, so shiny you can see your reflection in them, getting ruined by cobwebs and plasma over and over—you’ve spent many a night sitting with Lockwood talking as he polished his most recent pair of shoes, determined to get them back to their former glory. 

The point was that you were used to it. You were used to seeing Lockwood dressed up—when you first joined the agency, you honestly thought he slept in suits as well until you ran into him one night on a mission for midnight tea.

So why were you unable to look away from him when he emerged from the dressing room? Why were you rendered absolutely and completely speechless? 

It was nothing special, at least for Lockwood. Just a tuxedo. Navy blue rather than black like he always wore, but far nicer than the usuals. He was fussing with his bowtie as he walked out, muttering things under his breath, and thankfully not looking at you at all. You felt your eyes widen, your breath stolen from you for a moment, and all you could do was stare. Very classy of you, but you could hardly be blamed. He was stunning.  

You didn’t even realize he was saying something until you heard your name for what had to have been the third time, and you blinked and snapped out of your stupor. 

“What?” 

He gave that damn smile and inclined his head slightly, holding up one end of the tie hanging around his neck. “Could you help me with this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning.” 

At least you had that in common. You cleared your throat and nodded, taking a deep breath as you walked up to him in the hopes that you looked far more composed than you felt. “Yeah. Of course.” 

You felt his eyes on you the entire time and you tried your hardest not to focus on it. You’d done Lockwood’s ties millions of times, usually before a particularly important interview or a particularly difficult night. He always said it was good luck, and you always rolled your eyes with a smile. 

“So?” Lockwood spoke after a moment, still watching you.  

“It’s good,” you said with a nod as you finished tying the bow, making sure it was straight before you stepped away. “You look good.” 

“Thank you,” Lockwood said, looking at himself in the mirror with a slight smile. “For the compliment and the help. 

“It’s what I’m here for,” you said. 

“And as much as I appreciate that,” he said, turning that smile on you, “we’re here so you can get a dress too. Did you pick any out while I was getting ready?” 

You nodded and picked up the hangers you’d set down to help Lockwood. “Which one do you want to see first?” 

“Definitely the maroon one,” he said with a nod. “Goes well with your eyes.” 

“You’re too kind,” you said, and he chuckled as he pressed his hand to his heart. 

You went behind the curtain, purposefully taking your time as you undressed so you could try and compose yourself further. It was just a suit, and he was just Lockwood, and this was just a fun little ruse to get your mum off your back for once. 

Just a suit. Just a ruse. Just Lockwood. 

You let out a deep breath and nodded, finally feeling like yourself again. You stepped into the dress and pulled it up, adjusting it around your figure before you zipped it up in the back, but you couldn’t get it all the way up. 

“Lockwood,” you called, “can you help me?” 

“Of course,” you heard him respond. 

You pushed the curtain aside and stepped back out, making some more minute adjustments along the way. When you looked up, Lockwood’s eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted. 

“Lockwood,” you said, staring at him. 

He blinked and seemed to focus back in, his head perking up. “What?” 

“My zipper.” 

“Right.” Lockwood moved just a bit too quick around you, and you shivered as his fingers brushed your bare back for a moment while he pulled the zipper the rest of the way up. “Sorry.”

“Your hands are always cold,” you said. “It’s fine.” 

“That’s—” he cleared his throat, and you turned just to see him shake his head. “Right. Yeah. Thanks.” 

You raised your eyebrows, the slightest smile tugging at you. “For what?” 

His own rose. “Hm?” 

“You thanked me. For what?” 

Lockwood shook his head again. “Don’t worry about it.” 

You chuckled and nodded, holding out the skirt of your dress with your hands. “So? What do you think?” 

“You look incredible,” he said, “obviously. It’s an honor to be your fake boyfriend.” 

“You’re gonna make me blush,” you said, but your cheeks already felt too warm for comfort. 

Lockwood grinned. “Good.” 

You had to turn away at that point. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, teasing you like this. “You’re taking your role way too seriously,” you said, busying yourself with rifling through the rest of the dresses you picked out. 

“I told you,” he said, “I take my job seriously. And as someone who takes their job seriously, I think that dress is definitely the one.” 

“Really?” You held up a sparkling blue dress against you and looked at him. “What about this one?” 

He shook his head. “Maroon is definitely the one.” 

“I agree, dear.” You looked up to see Ms. Bridgeston walking out carrying two boxes, that same adoring twinkle in her eye. “You look beautiful.” 

“Thank you.” You looked back in the mirror for another good, long moment, and you nodded decisively. “I agree. This is the one.” 

“Wonderful choice,” she said. 

“Perfect choice,” Lockwood said with a grin. “If you get changed, I can go ahead and pay for everything. We’ve already used up half our day—we’ve got to get to the archives.” 

You eyed him. “You didn’t just say this was the one so we could spend eight hours in the archives, did you?” 

“No,” he assured. “That is the one—trust me, love. You just happened to pick out the best one first.” 

You chuckled and shook your head as you started going back to the dressing room. “Whatever you say.” 

Soon enough, you and Lockwood were both back in your regular clothes, dress bag in tow, walking down the streets of London. 

“You seriously don’t mind spending all that money for this?” you asked, glancing over at him. 

“Of course not,” he said. “I can always take it out of your paycheck, if it’ll make you feel better.” 

You laughed and hit him on the arm, earning a chuckle in response. “As long as you seriously weren’t lying to me about liking this dress to get me to the archives.” 

“I would never lie to you about something like that,” Lockwood said, and he held up his pointer and middle finger. “Agent’s honor.” 

You smiled inwardly. “Thank you, then. I suppose I can handle spending the rest of the day in the archives with you with compliments like that.” 

“Thank you, then,” he repeated. “We do have to make a stop for tea, first.” 

“Naturally,” you agreed. 

As you continued on your way, not exactly arm in arm but close enough for your hands to brush every so often, you found your mind drifting back to Lockwood in that damned suit. You cleared your throat and shook your head, trying to physically push the thought away. 

“Everything alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Just got something in my throat.” 

Lockwood nodded, thankfully oblivious to your inner struggle. You let out a deep breath. 

This was definitely still a good idea.

[sungbeam]

Sorry I think I actually went into a comatose state once the Holiday teaser ver pics came out

Suffice to say that I will be investing in these albums 🫡

Also lemme just talk abt the fact that we’ll technically get 9 different versions of the same album technically 😀

But the color grading of the holiday version is SOOOOOO nice like damnnn AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN UHHHHH THE GLITTER VER ✨GLITTER GLITTER GLITTER TWIRLS TWIRLS TWIRLS TOGETHER FOREVER ITS LINDA AND HEATHERRR✨ IS SOOOOO PRETTY LIKE TF ESP YOUNGHOON’S HAIR LIKE LORDDDDDD

AND YES SO TRUE IT PROBABLY TAKES ME LIKE AN HOUR TO WRITE A FULL ASK AND IT’S SO UPSETTING TO ME REAHHHHH

The Boys is also way lowkey scary so yeah you’re right 😭 AND YEAH THE ACTOR THAT PLAYED HOMELANDER WAS LIKE… TOO GOOD AT HIS JOB 💀💀 ALSO I saw what you meant about marvel invasion cause ummm what is up with that reader insert plot armour type beat character 💀💀💀 like I saw her scene on twt and not only does it look bad but I was like HUH??? Characters that are so OP are fkn ejdwjjrkekf TOO MUCH LMAO

And I am once again sooo excited for Rhapsody Anonymous even though I saw you were struggling a bit writing it but I think it’ll really pay off 🥹🫶

I’m so glad that you did take some time off for yourself to ground yourself when you felt overwhelmed and I’m really glad that it helped you as well!! Take care of yourself above all else! 🥺💖

Also! Random Q&A time!

1. What’s your fav type of bread

2. What’s the cringiest thing you’ve ever put up on social media (optional answer 💀)

3. Have you ever been in love 🫣

4. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CARTOON CHARACTER CRUSH YOU CAN’T LIE TO ME IK YOU HAD ONE (REQUIRED, MUST ANSWER, NOT OPTIONAL 😤☝️)

I got like 2/4 of these from teen vogue so don’t @ me ok 😔💔

- So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. (Paulo Coehlo)

Love always, 🌷 anon

NO CUZ SAME???!(!(!) like I literally was supposed to wrote the day the present concept came out and i couldn't think abt anything else for the rest of the day :l BRO THATS WHAT IM SAYING ?? ist making MONEY MOVES this comeback 😭😭😭 pulling out all the stops to suck the money from our wallets ksnfkemdk I'll need to drop out of college if I were to get even one per concept 😭😭😭

HELP NO CUZ THE COLORS FROM THE PRESENT VER ARE SOOOOOO VIBRANT AND BEAUTIFUL???? THEY WERE SO SO PRETTY. and omg CHOI CHANHEE WAS MADE FOR THE GLITTER VERSION 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ someone said *im spinnin like a ballerinaaaa* LMAO have u seen the clips from the zeneration behind lol chanhee and kevin on the POLES !!! so iconic tbh i think it was for savior?? not too sure

ur so right anthony starr (?)/homelander plays his role FAR TOO WELL O_O he freaks me tf OUT w that smile omg sknfkendk all his scenes put a shiver down my spine and i haven't even properly watched the series 😭

bro secret invasion threw me for a mfkn loop 😭 idk if you've watched the whole thing but KEVIN FEIGE WE NEED TO TALK ABT UR CHOICES FOR MISS MARIA HILL WE NEED TO TALK S I R. i actually really like the title sequence for it tho i thought it was so masterfully done like for some reason i really liked it in particular 😭💀

ahhhh thanks !!! 🤧🤧 hopefully u like what I've done for it LMFAOOOO it's been a struggle up in here, but it's prob gonna come out to be longer than the estimated word count 🤣🤣 i am not doing very good at keeping it under 20k

omg random q+a 😃

brioche !!! tho i think i have more opinions abt cheese than bread 😭 wheat works too LMAO

uhhhhh 💀 the things i posted way back when r more embarrassing/"u idiot"/"u bitch" type things, but ig i can say all of the over filtered pics 😭😭 i cry every time i think of that try hard bathing suit post i did once it was awful

uhhhh if being in love counts as being in love w white rice then yes 🤩🤩 idk dude lol i don't think i've met anyone yet whom i have really felt so strong an emotion for as sad as it sounds, but i am patient

HELP ME KDFKLEMDK CUZ .... Apparently when i was 1 or 2, i had a SICKENING crush on jimmy neutron 🧍🏻‍♀️ but after that it was probably zayn from lego ninjago, i don't make the rules LMAO i am a nerd-lover through and through !!!

NOW UR TURN GO !!! 😼😼 LMAO no worries i think it was cute and fun !!

— "'If you are intolerable, let me be the one to tolerate you.'" - T. J. Reid 💖

[xoxo-teddybear]

He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 1

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings - Angst, Physical Harm, Cursing, accused Cheating, Katsuki’s insecurities

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

A/N: This is my first writing piece but this has been stuck in my mind since v-day is coming up so I had to get it out. Plz enjoy!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Y/N is so busy around Valentine’s, her lack of attention towards her Pomeranian is causing him to freak out and do the worst of the worst

Love is in the air! The birds are singing, The breeze is blowing, the setting sun is shining, and the explosive teen is.....well, bruting.

Can you blame him though? Y/N’s been a little distant ever since February started. Even right now, instead of enjoying their time together in a quiet park, she’s staring down at her phone doing who knows what.

Why? Was he not good enough? Has she gotten tired of him? They’ve only been together for a little over a year. Is she talking to someon- no. Katsuki stopped himself from thinking like that. There’s no way his precious teddy bear would ever do that. Not only that, he was the best there is. Why would she even try to go?

“You dumbass. You’re missing this.” Bakugou sighed. “Huh? What? Missing what?” Y/N looked around looking for whatever “this” was until Bakugou grabbed her chin to force her to look him in the eyes. “THIS DUMBASS! US! You’re so focused on that dumb phone. Jeez, can’t a guy just get his girl’s attention.” Bakugou said dramatically.

It wasn’t that Y/N wasn’t giving him attention, it’s that it wasn’t the same. Yea she right there snuggled into his arm. And yea she was petting his hair just the way he liked. And YES, she was peppering his face with kisses from time to time. But it all felt off? Like only half her energy was put into the love and affection.

“Suki, aren’t u being a little dramatic. I’m right here with you baby. I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distracted. Come here dummy.” And as Y/N pulls Bakugou in for a tighter hug all he can do is release a “hmph” while falling into it...until her phone went (ding!) once again. And she went to check it. Once again.

Bakugou was getting tired so he got up and suggested they’d head back to UA. Y/N only got up and began to walk beside him, hand in hand, while still checking her phone time to time. And Bakugou was getting sick of it

*Wtf is she doing on that piece of junk? What could be so important she would half ass our entire evening together? .....Could she possibly be talking to someone else?............no.* Bakugou let those negative thoughts die down as they continued their journey back.

——————————————————————————

A few days later

“COME ON!!” Bakugou screamed as he realeased a blast towards Kirishima. When Bakugou invited him to train, The red head initially thought it was to ...you know..TRAIN. But after some time, the blonde’s best friend began to see the bigger picture.

“Dude. What’s up with you man? We always go full on during training, but it’s not even like you’re trying to hit me. It feels like you’re just taking your anger out on me.” Kirishima said.

“Congrats on noticing shitty hair, I’m glad somebody’s noticing my damn mood.” Weirded out by his friend’s unusual openness, the red head continued to ask.

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“But you just-“

“NOPE!”

Bakugou exclaimed as he began to gather his stuff to leave the training area. “BAKUGOU!” Kiri shouted. “WHAT!” “.......it’s Y/N isn’t it?”

Upon hearing that, the blonde turned to look at his best friend with this sad puppy dog look. And man, if Katsuki had doggy ears, everyone would see how low they’d go. His best friend didn’t need to see it though, he could tell those ears would be 6 ft under if they were actually there bc there’s nothing hiding Katsuki’s vulnerability when it comes to Y/N. As the two best friends go to sit on the bleachers, Bakugou takes a deep breath before saying his thoughts.

“I think Y/N is cheating on me.”

“................HUH???!!!!”

Kirishima went from “caring and considerate” to “WHATDIDHESAYYY” in seconds. Y/N L/N?? Cheating?? Ok. Y/N was one fiesty girl, and she definitely had sass, power, attitude, and a little mischief, but she also had kindness, compassion, consideration, and honesty flowing though her. Not to mention extreme loyalty. There’s no way.

“Look man, with all due respect, I think you’ve finally lost it.” The red head laughed. “I’m being serious shitty hair.” The blonde stated. “She’s been so distracted lately. She’s always with me but it’s like her mind is also somewhere else. And not to mention that damn phone she’s always on now. She can’t go 30 minutes without checking it at least twice. And not only that, when she does leave to do whatever, she’s gone for hours at a time! What’s a guy supposed to think with all of that?! I mean it’d make sense if she wanted to leave. I get it, I can get loud, and yell, and I get angry a lot but.. she knows I never mean it, right? I call her a dumbass like i do everyone else...ugh but she isn’t just everyone else, she’s my girlfriend and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.....SO WHY TF IS SHE CHEATIN-“ before the blonde could continue, his best friend cut him off.

“BAKUGOU” “WHAT??!!” “....talk to her.” Kirishima said. “What?” Bakugou asked. Kirishima continued. “Cheating is a real sensitive topic in a relationship. I don’t wanna give my opinion on something that could ruin something amazing. C’mon man, we both know Y/N isn’t like that but who am I to tell you what to do. I wanna help, I do, but I think it’s best if you go to her with all this. Honestly though, if you asked me, Y/N would be the last person I’d ever think of when it came to cheating on ANYTHING. Especially the guy she cares so much about.” And with that last sentence, Kirishima stood up from his spot and pat Bakugou on his shoulder before exiting.

With Bakugou left with nothing but his thoughts and Kirishima’s advice, he left and headed straight towards your room.

——————————————————————————

“Shut up!” You excitingly screamed though the phone. “You really found the last part?”

“Yup, it only took about 6 different stores across the entire city.” Shinsou sarcastically replied. “You owe me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know and I appreciate it. Katsuki’s gonna love his gift!” You said.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, you’ve been preparing only the best Valentine’s Day surprise for the best boyfriend in the world. You’ve been so busy planning your surprise that I guess you could say you haven’t been giving Katsuki the massive amount of attention he’s used to from you, but you can definitely say it’ll all be worth it when he sees one of his presents that you’ve been working on. A silencer for his gauntlet blasts that not only decreases the volume of his attacks, but also increases his attack power. You remember how Bakugou had vented about his attacks being too loud that they scare people, but when he tried to keep them quiet, the attack isn’t as powerful so saving can be quite difficult. He only spoke about it once, but you could see the look on his face whenever he was out using his quirk around civilians. So why not give him a device that’ll help with his loud little problem. Now were you a support class student who knew how to make support items? Hell no. But were you a loving girlfriend willing to give her man the best Valentine’s Day ever? Hell yeah.

The piece of gear would’ve been easier to make IF it weren’t for a pesky piece of the project getting destroyed by Shinsou after he made Denki electrocute himself while he was right next to your prototype on the table. So to make it up to you, Shinsou went all around town looking for the piece you needed to complete your support item for Katsuki. Finally, all pieces had come together.

“He better. That damn bastard doesn’t know how amazing his girlfriend is. Instead of ignoring his ass these past few weeks, you sent ME to get all this shit for you so you could keep your precious Pomeranian happy.” Shinsou said while rolling his baggy eyes.

As Bakugou approached the outside of your dorm room’s door, he heard your voice.

“You know, you’re so right. That Pomeranian is unaware of just exactly how amazing I am. I really could’ve left whenever but I stuck around.” You snorted. “Well I’m glad I had you with me through it all Shinsou.”

*Pomeranian? SHINSOU?!? Through IT ALL?!?!? YOU WERE WITH THAT PURPLE HAIRED, SLEEP DEPRIVED ASS MIND CONTROLLING FREAK?!?? AND YOU WERE WITH HIM THE ENTIRE TIME YOU’VE BEEN DATING BAKUGOU?!?*

Oh to say Katsuki was pissed was an understatement. He felt all these emotions hitting him all at once. Anger, Disgust, Pain, Betrayal. It all became too much for him before Katsuki ran away from your down with his bed down and silent tears hitting the floor. When he let himself fall to the floor in the privacy of his room he screamed into his hands. His first love, his first real relationship, his teddy bear betraying his love, loyalty, and trust for over an entire year. After hours of crying, Katsuki was able to pull himself into bed. He couldn’t even bring himself to shower even though he spent all that time in the gym with Kirishima. He just wanted to sleep to escape reality. As he looked at his phone, he saw 1 missed call from Y/N, and 1 text saying “Goodnight love💗💥!” Bakugou scoffed at the text. Figuring u must be texting Shinsou the same thing. As Bakugou placed his phone down, an evil thought came to mind. Ruin her.

Bakugou smirked to himself as he had this pyscho and sinister look on his face. He would ruin Y/N. They haven’t officially broken up yet, so he could hurt her just as she hurt him. And Bakugou wasn’t stupid or so he thought he’s aware Valentine’s is coming up, so why not break little Y/N L/N’s heart on a day dedicated to nothing but love and happiness. It’ll be the perfect revenge on a little satin like her. Bakugou finally turned on his side with an evil, satisfied smile, and fat tears in his eyes once more.

——————————————————————————

The next morning, Katsuki got up with a broken heart, but he figured if he wanted his plan to work, he had to fake this smile. Getting up, getting ready, and getting dressed was business as usual, but meeting up with Y/N in the morning was now off the schedule. Instead of going into her room to check on her like he usually does, he just went straight to breakfast and straight to class without speaking to anyone.

With Class 1-A seated and Mr.Aizawa at the head of the classroom, the students can finally start their first lesson of the day. Until, the door slid wide open. There stood an exhausted and quite frankly dishelved Y/N. “My apologies sensei. I was up late last night and overslept. Please forgive me.” Y/N said as she bowed her head in sorry. “Just take your seat L/N.” The tired eye teacher said.

As Y/N walked to her desk, she noticed Bakugou wouldn’t even glance her way. She was a little thrown off since it would be normal for him to at least give her a judgemental look for sleeping in, but no. Nothing.

Bakugou on the other hand was writhing in agony. Oh how he wanted to check on Y/N and make sure everything was fine, but that voice in the back of his head couldn’t help but tell him to ignore her since she’s a cheater. She may have been the girl he’s loved dearest, but she was also the one causing his heart to shatter.

After a few classes, Y/N tried to approach Bakugou several times, but each time he brushed her off. And when the bell finally rang for lunch, you can bet Katsuki was the first one out the door. Y/N followed him of course, in worry and concern.

“Babe! Baby! Katsuuu!!! KATSUKII!” Y/N whined for her boyfriend to at least look at her but once again. Nothing. Bakugou wanted to hug her and hold her tight but he couldn’t. Not after what she’s done. Right before Bakugou entered the cafeteria, Y/N pulled him aside and held onto his wrists.

“Baby? Hey, what’s up with you? I’ve been calling your name and trying to talk to you but you keep brushing me off. You also didn’t stop by this morning. Is something wrong, love?” Y/N was hoping for something. ANYTHING at this point. And it was like the gods heard her prayer because she definitely got....something. “My bad.” The blonde haired boy dryly replied. “....Oh, um, ok suki.” The poor girl just thought her dear boyfriend was having a bad day, so she just left it alone and let him go. But still, even on his worse days he would at least visit her in the mornings. As they sat down with the bakusquad, the entire table noticed how Bakugou sat up and moved across from Y/N after she chose to sit next to him like usual. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, and Kirishima could already feel what had gone down. He at least knew his bro didn’t talk to his girl. Not manly at all.

——————————————————————————

Valentine’s Day

During lunch, Kirishima has finally decided to speak to Bakugou about this whole thing. He hasn’t been getting any updates since their time in the gym, so when it was just him and his best friend having lunch together, he went for it.

“Man what the hell is going on with you and Y/N? I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding her like crazy,” Kirishima said while stuffing his face, nervous about the answer. “I was right all along.” The blonde sadly spoke. “She’s been cheating on me since the start of our entire relationship. And with that baggy eyed freak from 1-B.”

Kirishima couldnt believe what he was hearing. He almost choked on his food. Y/N was actually cheating. I guess people don’t know people as well as he thought. “.....wow...I’m sorry man.” The red haired friend said. He was at a lost for words and didn’t know what else to say. *sigh* “don’t be. It all goes down tonight.” Bakugou said with a sad smile. “What do you mean?” His friend asked. The blonde looked at him right in his red eyes. “I’m breaking her heart tonight, on the one day of the year dedicated to love.”

Meanwhile

Instead of going to lunch, Y/N spent her time finishing up Katsuki’s surprise in his room. Yeah, he’s been having a bad past few days so why not bring him a smile with these amazing gifts on the day of love. Although Y/N didn’t really feel the love today (due to Katsuki again being so distant and ignoring her “good morning blasty💥💗!” And “Happy Valentine’s Day my love♥️!” Texts) she was determined to make sure Katsuki knew just exactly how much she loved him. She was almost done setting up in his room. Rose petals on the bed, Candles everywhere, 4 different gifts including his new support item made by you, his favorite meal is going to be set here on his table, and you and him together spending every loving second with each other. Y/N didn’t realize that because of her setup, she missed the entire rest of the day. “Meh, so worth it when I see the look on Suki’s face.” Tonight is going to be perfect.....or so you thought.

You didn’t expect to find Katsuki in your room, sitting on the edge of you bed waiting for you with his head hanging low and his shoulders slumped.

*maybe he has a surprise for me....? Yea that has to be it!* Y/N happily thought as she closed the door.

“Suki!! Happy Valentine’s Day!” Y/N said with all the love in her heart as she ran and jumped on the boy for a hug. But Bakugou didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. He just glanced back up at her, giving her this cold stare. Y/N was too busy professing her undying love for her boyfriend to even notice his scary silence. “Suki I’m really glad it’s you who I have in my life,” the love sicken girl bashfully spoke while looking at the ground. “You make me so happy and I feel so blessed being able to spend my life with you in it. I really hope you know just how much I care and lov-“ Bakugou couldn’t listen to this bullshit anymore. He pushed Y/N off of him just before she could say those 3 words that would get him to break.

“Hey! Suki? Why would you do that?!” Y/N exclaimed while standing back up. “I hate you.” The blonde spoke coldly. As those words left his mouth, Y/N heart and world were falling apart. Her eyes went wide open and her jaw slightly dropped. As she was about to say something else, Katsuki cut her off with “I’m breaking up with your dumbass. Right here. Right now!” Bakugou yelled. Y/N was in shock. She felt hurt, pain, she was just feeling so broken.

As tears filled her eyes, she asked “w-why?” as she tried to reach out to him. “Why? WHY?!” Bakugou screamed as he stood up above her slapping her hand away. “THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WHY, Y/N. YOU’RE A FUCKING CHEATER, THATS WHY!” The blonde yelled in her face. Y/N couldn’t believe it. He thought she was cheating? Why would she even do that? She already has the best person in the world for her so why? “DONT EVEN GIVE ME THAT “it didn’t mean anything, Suki!” BULLSHIT. I DONT GIVE A FUCK, CUZ YOU’VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME AND PLAYING ME FOR A DAMN FOOL THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!” Bakugou went on as his voice began to crack while tears flowed down his porcelain face. “YOU LIED TO ME. I GAVE YOU MY ENTIRE BEING AND YOU FUCKING LIED. YOU DUMB FUCKING BITCH, I CANT BELIEVE I EVER LOVED A SORRY EXCUSE OF A PERSON LIKE YOU. I HATE YOU SO DAMN MUCH, I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I SAW IN YOU!” Y/N’s heart hit the ground. No actually, it went 6 ft under because after all that he’s said, her heart is dead. Broken. In agony. “Suki I-“ “DONT FUCKING CALL ME THAT L/N.” Hearing him refer to her with her family name hit so hard. “KATSUKI PLEASE! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING I SWEA-“ as Y/N tried to reach out to him, he interrupted her again and pushed her hand away. “I SAID DONT CALL ME THAT!”

The blonde yelled, except this time....he didn’t only yell. The burning scent of smoke came into his nose and the loud explosion could be heard throughout the building. The product of what he just did came to him. He just attacked the love of his life. As much as Y/N hurt him, Katsuki still loved her with his everything. And the fact that he subconsciously attacked her broke him even more. Y/N’s screams of pain reached his ears, as he looked down and saw his precious teddy bear with a burned arm and fat tears on her face, crying in pain.

Bakugou ran down to her level to try and help her. “Y/N! Hey, hey teddy bear look I’m so-“ Y/N pushed him away before he could continue. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BAKUGOU?!” Ouch. His family name felt like poison coming from your tongue. “Princess, I’m sorry I didn’t-“ “SHUT UP AND LET ME SPEAK FOR ONCE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Y/N screamed as she stood up to face him. “I DIDNT FUCKING CHEAT ON YOU. WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST DAMN THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME?!..ah!” Y/N was cut off by the stinging of her wound, and Bakugou couldn’t do anything but stare. Y/N grabbed onto her wound before continuing. “I love you Bakugou. I wouldn’t even dream about doing wrong by you. I thought I was a good girlfriend or at least a good person-“ Bakugou quickly interrupted “No! Y/N you are, I just-“ “If I am then what the hell made you even think of me so lowly? What the hell did I do to make you question my loyalty? What the hell did I do that was worthy of you burning my fucking arm?!” Y/N cried out.

Silence fell upon the room. It felt like hours before anybody said anything. Both people had heavy tears in their face now. One crying because he realized he was an idiot and harmed the girl who did nothing wrong, and One crying because she did nothing wrong but ended up being a villain in her loved one’s life. Y/N broke the silence with a scoff.

“You know what Suki?” Y/N said looking him in the eyes. “Yes teddy bear?” Bakugou quickly replied with wide, desperate eyes upon hearing the loving nickname, thinking they would move on from this horrible incident. “Get the fuck out.” Y/N said in a low voice. Bakugou was shocked. He knew he fucked up horribly but after realizing the truth, he can’t leave you! He loves you too damn much for that! “What? Y/N please listen to me, I’m sor-“ “I DONT GIVE A FUCK! Leave..please.” The sad girl cried. Bakugou grabbed onto her shoulders begging her to not end this. “Y/N please! Please princess! I’m so fucking sorry! I’m an idiot, I know, and I definitely don’t deserve you but please I can’t lose you.” Bakugou said with tears falling down his face. “Please don’t do this to us. Please don’t do this to me, I’m BEGGING YOU.” “Bakugou-“ The sad boy cut you off, shaking his head, “ NO ITS SUKI. YOUR SUKI. YOUR KATSUKI.......please teddy bear I need you.......h-here let me help yo-”

You harshly pushed the boy off of you and as he tried to desperately go back to you, you used your quirk to keep him at bay. “Bakugou Katsuki. I’m leaving this room since you won’t, and I won’t come back until I know you’re out of my room.” Y/N began as she looked at him with cold, sad eyes. “From now on, you won’t have to worry about this bitch because I’ll stay out of your life, I swear. Don’t look at me, don’t touch me, DONT EVEN TALK TO ME. Just leave me alone....we’re done.” And with that Y/N ran out of her room, and out of the building, needing to get away from the place for a little bit. She could deal with her wound later. She just needed to get away. Bakugou just stood there in sadness and shock. As much as he wanted to run after you, he figured he’d give you a little breather. You guys could fix things in the morning...right?

Bakugou waited an hour in your room waiting for you, but you were right. You really weren’t coming back until he left your private area. So that’s what he did. With a heavy heart, he picked himself up and dragged his feet back to his dorm. He looked like a mess. He knew he did. Messy hair, red swollen eyes, dry lips. His entire body screamed heartbroken. When he open the door, instant regret and love hit him at once. His room was covered with rose petals and flowers, there were candles everywhere, heart shaped balloons all around, he had 4 different boxes of gifts, and two plates of extra spicy curry was set on his table, obviously cold now. What caught his eye was that one of the gift boxes had a note attached to it. With tears in his eyes, he read it.

Hey Suki! It’s Valentine’s Day! I love you to the moon and back and so much more. There’s no words that are able to describe the way I feel about you. You drive me insane in all the right ways and I love it! Lol. I hope you like your Valentine’s Day surprise. I’ve been working for weeks on it, so I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distracted. I know I’ve been kinda absent these past few days but I promise I’ll make it up to you love! Hopefully I can start with this gift that I’ve been working on. Enjoy your brand new grenade silencer! Made it myself just for you. There’s nothing else in the world like this. I love you Bakugou Katsuki!

(P.S. If Shinsou from 1-B gives you shit about it, it’s because I made him drag his ass everywhere to look for a missing part so I wouldn’t have to leave you so much)

XOXO, Your forever teddy bear <3

As he quickly opened the gift, he saw it. A silencer that would attach to his gauntlets to make the sound quieter and the blast even more powerful. It was incredible. You are incredible. He only ever mentioned the sound of his blasts once, and you listened and you fixed it.

Bakugou shook as tears began to fall onto the paper. He couldn’t believe it. Everything started coming together now. The reason you were so distracted was because you were setting this up for him. You were always on the phone because you were assembling pieces and ordering gifts for him. You weren’t cheating on him with Shinsou. You were making sure he could find something that you needed for him. Y/N L/N was truly the best girlfriend in the world. Scratch that, she is the best girlfriend in the world. No scratch that too, she’s just the best, period. And Bakugou’s idiotic self ruined everything for him. All because he couldn’t have a little faith in his teddy bear. As Katsuki cried and cried, he set everything aside.

He took the petals off his bed. He didn’t deserve it. He blew out the candles around his room. He didn’t deserve it. He popped the balloons, and ignored the food. He laid in bed with more tears than ever, and looked at the ceiling. He finally turned to his side to fall asleep, but not before grabbing the picture on his bedside nightstand. A picture of you and him. He remembers that picture oh so clearly. It was his birthday, and while he didn’t want to celebrate, you did everything in your power to make it the best one yet. And you did just that. Bakugou hugged that picture so tight, because he didn’t have you in his arms tonight. He didn’t think he would ever have you in his arms again. So Bakugou Katsuki continued to cry until he was asleep, escaping from the reality of him losing his love, his teddy bear, his princess, and his Y/N.

Bakugou Katsuki never lost, no. He’s always been ahead, always number one, always the best. He always won and achieved and nothing ever stopped him. Except this time, the only thing that stopped him and caused him to lose, was himself. He lost. He lost his everything. His world, his rock, his heart, his Y/N. He’s lost without her in his life, and at this point he thinks he’s lost at life. There was nothing that could fix him unless it was you coming back to him.

Bakugou Katsuki? He’s lost.

A/N: HOLY SHIT! That was my very first writing piece and it was just a Drabble of a thought I’ve been having. Sorry if it’s a little off and weird, I’m still new to writing but hopefully I’ll get better. This was NOT spell checked so my apologies for any mistakes. I hope you enjoyed reading this! Thx for the love!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

[everyothermouse]

Made some designs for my old superhero au for funsies, enjoy

I am going to take this as an excuse to talk abt this au, some backstories and design details under the cut :)

Tw: suicide attempt (peters backstory) and abuse (hash’s backstory)

Also, i gotta warn you that the backstory descriptions get longer as we go on, as the longer i write for, the worse i get at being concise. My apologies!

Peter

Power(s): control over the shadow realm

Power triggers: fear, depression, sadness, anger, focus

Relationships: hash (daughter/apprentice), genny (ally), ms. Garner (friend/ex nemesis), gabby (ally), prince (assistant/nemesis) princess (nemesis?)

Backstory: Tried to die in a vat of Poisonous Liquidtm but due to the nature of the experiments Done by damian at Unnamed Lab Owned By Damiantm, instead of dying his misery manifested through shadow powers. He was a shadow for a bit before he was able to start being a person again, and he was so upset about being alive that he decided he needed to consume the entire city in shadow so everyone else would have to be miserable like he was. He would be repeatedly thwarted by a superhero in the city named flower girl, who would eventually (over the course of like 3 years) forcibly found family him. He now has a job and uses his powers for good, and has recently taken up a superhero apprentice :)

Design notes: the heart clasps on peters cape and arms were originally by Ms. Garner before she retired as a superhero. They are tools used to help focus magic, making it easier to stay centered and to direct magical forces. The heart in the middle changes color based on the magic surrounding it/running through it, for peter it is black, but for Ms. Garner it was red/pink. Peters crown is made of the same material, but is not quite as strong. Peter mainly focuses his magic outwards using his palms and the soles of his feet, thus why they are uncovered. Villain peter looks a lot less alive than current peter partially because of being magically exhausted, but mostly just because he is in very bad physical health, having dipped himself in a vat of poison and proceeding to get 0 medical help, and then also not eating or bathing and living on shadow magic and depression. The boots previously used for villain-ing are now his work boots :)

Genny

Power(s): super strength

Power triggers: N/A

Relationships: nut (son), mellisa (friend), gabby (ally), Ms. Garner (friend?), hash (ally), peter (ally), damian (enemy)

Backstory: genny was a single mother and teacher living a normal life when she was caught in a catastrophic event as the city’s super villain the week was wreaking havoc in the middle of town. When a car came flying at her child, she had no choice but to rush forward and try to get him out of the way. Usually this would have ended in disaster, but thanks to a mix mothers hysterical strength and the strong magic energy radiating out of one of the destroyed buildings (it was U.L.O.B.D., because its always fucking damian isnt it) she was suddenly imbued with the strength to block the car and escape. Soon she would realize that this effect wouldn’t go away, and thus she decided to try and use this ability to help protect the city from all the dangers which threaten its safety.

Design notes: the knife on her leg is attached with a very strong magnet, it is difficult for others to remove but easy for her to thanks to her strength. Her body armor is all much stronger than the other three’s, as having armour that is lightweight isn’t a priority for her in the same way it is for the others, due to her strength. Genny doesnt actually have that much more muscle mass than a normal reasonably fit person, as her super strength is not connected to this. She wears contact lenses in her daily life, but after the event in which she got her super powers her eyes are entirely white (nut’s eyes are also lightened, but not to the same extent as genny’s, you can actually see them from more than 2 inches away.)

Hash

Power(s): control over earth/rocks

Power triggers: fear, excitement, focus

Relationships: Peter (parent/mentor), genny (ally), gabby (friend), prince (annoyance),

Backstory: Hash has had the ability to move the earth since she was born, but her parents always shunned her for it, saying it was destructive and evil, and so was she. She was forced to repress her powers and was often neglected (and occasionally hurt) by her parents, as well as frequently being forced to socially isolate herself from peers and teachers due to her being “too dangerous.” She tried to run away from home, feeling as though she was a danger to her parents, but when she was caught she freaked and accidentally used her powers towards her parents out of fear. Her parents called the police, making her more afraid and causing her to become more destructive. After a couple days of chaos and no one being able to defeat her, she would eventually be talked down by [whatever tf peters superhero name is], a superhero in the city who had previously been a villain but was changed through kindness and love and what not. It took a while after that to convince her that she wasn’t some horrible monster, and to get her a way from her previous household for good, but now shes a lot happier and has moved in with peter. She’s also started practicing using her powers, although its pretty hard for her given she spent all the time that her powers were developing not using them, and thus doesn’t know how to control them at their new level. She likes to tag along and try to help out on superhero missions, but honestly her main focus right now is trying to make friends and become accustomed to normal daily living, which is difficult when you’re constantly afraid of everything and have no idea how to talk to people.

Design notes: her small cape/cloak is an old one of peter’s. She hand painted on the rock pattern and the green inside, and its not perfect but she likes it. Just like normal hash, she cut the sleeves off of all her shirts, even the ones that weren’t damaged, back when she was at her old household. After moving in with peter though, shes started wearing more long sleeved shirts :) . Hash may lift rocks from the ground and stick them to her body as impromptu armour when shes distressed, although she usually doesn’t purposefully do this as its not actually very good armour, its just annoying.

Gabby

Power(s): fire manipulation, lizard stuff

Power triggers: lizard: N/A Fire: focus, anger

Relationships: peter (ally), hash (friend/ex-rival), Dario (nemesis/enemy/rival), Akira (friend/ex-rival), genny (ally), Ms. Garner (mom/mentor), Mrs. Harvey (ally/girlscout troup leader), the other Mrs. Harvey (Girl Scout troup leader/ally)

Backstory: ever since she could walk gabby was convinced she had the ability to control fire, But none of the other kids at her orphanage ever believed her, and neither did anyone at her school. One day though these powers were put to the test, when the orphanage took fire and she rushed in to help the local super hero evacuate the other kids while the fire fighters were still on their way. It was at that moment she decided that she could be a superhero too, and that the poor superhero present at the time, flower girl, would be her mentor. She followed her everywhere being the annoying curious child she was, but all flower girl wanted was her to stay out of danger and go home to her parents (which she would eventually realize gabby didn’t have.) But when gabby proved her worth and saved flower girls life, flower girl finally caved and decided to start training her, as long as she promised to try to be more cautious, and to stop skipping school to follow on dangerous missions. From then on they were an amazing super duo! Together they fought villains and used the power of kindness and pretty flowers to brighten peoples day :) and after a while ms. Garner would even end up adopting gabby, yay!

Eventually gabby’s lizard features started growing in, which was pretty scary. But her mom showed her that they weren’t all that bad, and gabby realized she could use them to help out on super hero missions! Peter, who was flower girls nemesis, would move in with her and her momma temporarily while he was getting better, as he was very sick while he was a super villain. She decided to adopt him as her new second parent, which he never agreed to, but I mean hes never denied it so its basically true. Several villains and other hero’s have also been added (and removed) from gabby’s growing list of parents. After her mom got hurt really badly in the hash incident, she decided to retire from being a superhero, deciding that she needed to put more focus on her safety so she could take care of gabby. Gabby has continued fighting crime, now taking up a more independent role as a superhero because she’s a preteen and thinks shes mature, but she usually works alongside other superhero’s in teams or as partners, as her mom requires she have adequate supervision (bcus shes LAME.) She still gets somewhat serious treatment from other superhero’s given that she technically does have more years of experience in the field than like half the cities heroes and she has had a major role in taking down multiple big villains, but she’s still a child and is generally not to be trusted on her own, as she is minority stupid and majorly reckless.

I’m sorry that was so long,,,,,, it could’ve easily been 1 paragraph but i have failed 😔

Design notes: gabby isnt wearing shoes under the legwarmers in hercivilian design, she likes the good grip her feet give her. Sidekick gabby’s stick can make fire just like her current one can, but it does not have the other functionalities. Her stick is not just for magic stuff, she also wacks people with it, and knocks them off their feet and stuff, its quite sturdy. The thick line on her face is just face paint for funsies and to make her a little bit less recognizable (only barely tho.)

[inctlife]

wayv’s reaction to y/n being pregnant

kun:

literally from the moment the two of you had got married you and kun had been trying to have a baby + when you fell pregnant with xiaolian you didn’t even need to tell kun because when you took the test he was literally stood against the bathroom door, praying,,, so yeah he was happy and had that massive smile as he picked you up and spun you round because oMG HE’S A DAD!!!!!!

ten:

for sonny,, like y’all weren’t trying as such but you weren’t not trying either lol so like when you told ten you were pregnant he wasn’t surprised but he was in a bit of disbelief of just like ‘oh shit this is it like i have a CHILD’

so sonny hadn’t even turned 1 when you got pregnant with baby but y’all once again hadn’t really done anything to not try for a baby?? even so when you were taking the pregnancy test,, ten wasn’t really fazed cause he thought it was just a ‘uh maybe’ and then!!!! you were like ‘babe i’m pregnant’ and he was like ‘whAT’ i mean idk what he expected but it kinda wasn’t that (he was very excited though,, he just had to have some time to process)

so for moon, lol baby was only like 5 months and you were like ‘uh ten i’m pregnant.... again’ and he was like ‘whAT’ like how tf can this happen so fucking quickly??? and he vows to wear protection after this,, but even though it’s hard he always thinks it’s super cool that all his kids are so close in age bc they’re like best friends :)

winwin:

for bingwen click here :)

so y’all planned for yongliang bc winwin really wanted a daughter so he was ready to start trying again and so when you told him you were pregnant he was just so excited!!!!! and even if yongliang was a boy he was still jumping up and down with excitement bc now he has two baby boys!!!!

when you fell pregnant with mingli it was not planned but you lowkey told yongliang for his 2nd birthday as a kind of present and yo he was sO EXCITED!!!!! so like even though winwin was really really slightly disappointed that mingli wasn’t a girl,, jusg the excitement from yongliang about having a little sibling was enough :)

lucas:

so after the two of you got married you pretty much started trying immediately lol but it took so, so long and you’d pretty much given up conceiving naturally and then bum bum bum!!!! you were pregnant with milo!! and lucas was just so overwhelmed he had no idea what to do,, 100000000/10 experience,, cried loads

so milo was only like 1 year old but he’d seen loads of member’s babies and he loVED THEM and lucas loVED THEM and so you and lucas decided to start taking fertility drugs and then you got little zion!! and when you told lucas he was just a mess and he was hugging you and milo so close bc omg 😭😭😭

and then, you carried on taking the drugs cause you and lucas were like ‘3 would be nice’ and then once again a year later you were like ‘i’m pregnant!!’ and lucas was like 0_0 bc he just kinda didnt expect that and then you discovered you were having both jasmine and xavier!!! and lucas thought he was gonna dIE bc omg babiesㅠㅠ pluralㅠㅠ and you best believe he SOBBED when he found out one of them was a daughter

xiaojun:

okay so y’all weren’t really trying but like,, you’d spoken about kids before, you knew dejun wanted them and he always spoke about the others’ kids so lovingly and so you were so happy when you found out you were pregnant with chunhua and you IMMEDIATELY ran to tell him and he was just crying and was like ‘am i gonna be a good dad???!?’ and u were like stfu bro

so when chunhua was almost one you discovered u were pregnant again!!!! this time with liling!! and you knew dejun was gonna be excited cause like??? he literally adores his daughter and to have another one???????? oml and u were right🥺🥺 he literally made sure all 3 of you greeted baby2 several times a day when she was still inside of you

so dejun deep down,,, really really REALLY wanted a son. but he wouldnt tell you that because u and his two lil daughters were his ENTIRE WORLD!!!! but then when ur daughters were older (8 & 6) you started getting really ill and dejun just kinda sheepishly handed you a pregnancy test and it was positive!!!!! ur lil xiaobo!!!!!!! and dejun was literally crying again bc he has a son!!!!!!!! and he never thought that would happen :(

hendery:

so y’all had been married for a year and you had definitely been trying,, like kunhang was sO excited so when u found our about yingtai you had this whole grand thing planned where his family were all in on the surprise and it was basically just a huge announcement with a party and good food and you told him in front of everyone and he was just :O!!!!!!! and he almost started crying :,) bc :,,) he loves you and ur baby sm ㅠㅠㅠ

and then!!! kunhang was kinda satisfied with his lil yingtai yk,, his lil flower,, but his sisters were all like ‘no!!! u need a lil boy!!! family name!!!’ and he was like ‘well it cant hurt to try?’ and you were like ‘fuck yeah’ bc??? ur having kunhang’s child?? and then a few weeks after you had alone time along came bohai :) you were just like ‘ummmmmmmmm impregnant’ and he was like ‘whAT??!?!’ and he was playing with yingtai at that moment so they both celebrated together and it was just the cutest thing you ever did see

yangyang:

so you and yangyang had already been married for almost 2 years when anna came along!! and before getting married you’d obviously discussed kids but you never said anything about trying?? so you had this lil positive pregnancy test in your hand just freaking tf out and you try to throw it out and just figure out another way of telling yangx2 but early pregnancy brain? you left it on the side!!!!! but yangyang totally thought that was your entire plan and was jumping around screaming because OMG HE GETS HIS OWN CHILD!!!!!!

[yournameoverandover]

FOLKLORE: 1st Listen

1. The 1 - “I’m on some new shit” Love the production ooooo..... “If you never bleed then you’re never gonna grow.” Why does this remind me of HAYLOR?!?!!? Omg my heart. “It woulda been fun if you woulda been the one” Wow!!!!!! “And if my wishes came true it woulda been you” Wowowowowow!!!!!! WHAT AN OPENER

2. Cardigan - High heels on cobblestones what an IMAGE. I love her range here omg. “Baby kiss it better, Iiiiiiiii” I LOVE the breathiness of it. A friend to all is a friend to none, you tell em girl!!!! This song is so COZY I just feel like war, and soft listening to it. So much piano. “You drew stars around my scars but now I’m bleeding.” So softttt “Leaving like a father” 🥺🥺🥺 “These hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me// I knew you’d come back to me”

3. The last great American dynasty - Ok I was not excited for this one. The initial synth is interesting. Rebecca who tf is Rebecca? Saint Louis and Bill? This is specific.... Hmmmm okay I see a trend of blaming women. THE RHODE ISLAND SET HOLLA!!!! Dali?! Hmmm maddest, shameless now... What’s the twist in the bridge tell me? OMG IS THAT HER HOUSE!!! AHHHHHHH YES OMG!!!!! Loudest yessss! LITERALLY A SOMG ABOUT HER HOUSE I CANT. I like this chorus so much

4. Exile - I’m stoked for this one. Mucho piano. Omgggggg the vocals well done Bon Iver!!!!! “You’re not my homeland anymore” BROKEN HEART. “Now I’m in exile seeing you out.” There’s the title... Balancing on breaking branches :( “I’m not your problem anymore, so who am I offending now.” Awww “you were my crown” proceeds the exile line, that’s so sad and beautiful like THEY WERE ROYALTY IN LOVE. I love this interplay of perspectives holy shit this bridge. Her voice is so delicate and his is so strong they are just CHEFS KISS together!!!!! Like sneaking out a movie theater? This album is PERFECT for midnight release. I am obsessed with the ending of this song OMG. J’adore.

5. My tears ricochet - Ok time for track five I am not ready. Ooo floaty vocals me gusta. Omg it’s like a wake?? I love how she says loved you, cause I loved you. It’s almost British. Oooo SAVING FACE BURN GIRL. “You know I didn’t want to have to haunt you.” This is so prettyyyyyyyyy. It’s like Clean gets a whole album! “Just not home”. “Miss me in your bones.” “Stolen lullabies” THESE IMAGES LIKE WHAT. Not sure where the title fits in with the other story like if she’s dead how is she crying? Does he just not really care? Is he a robot? Hm. Much to think about

6. Mirrorball - TRACK 6 mirrorball. PLEASE be about the outfit to end all outfits! Kidding. Definitely not lol. This sounds like a middle school slow dance song.... shining just for you 😍 definitely a middle school slow dance song. “I can change everything about me to fit in.” Ouch Taylor. This is like the softest thing and also the saddest thing how she feels she has to try to keep his attention the whole time. I wasn’t expecting it to be sad?!

7. Seven - Aptly named seven. Ok we’re not waiting here let’s go. This has a little strummy country vibe? “Are there still beautiful things” powerful question. “Passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long”. This feels like a song about her childhood. I really like this melody. It’s so gentle and pretty 😍

8. August - {WOW APPLE MUSIC WAY TO CATCH UP WITH THE FUCKING WORLD I HATE YOU. Okay we’re back!!!} Salt air?! I already love it. And rusty doors. Yes. Okay my birthday feels safe. “August sipped away like a bottle of wine cause you were never mine”🥺. Wait this is like happy retrospective WHEN WE WERE STILL CHANGING FOR THE BETTER, FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL. “I can see us lost in a memory, august slipped away in a memory, cause it was never mine” this is so freaking ethereal and pretty. And she is repeating the hope of it all?! Inject this directly into my veins ughhhhh

9. This is me trying - “I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back” I love how she has all these images of bumbling and fumbling and puts it next to her saying she is trying, working on that communication. “I got wasted like all my potential. My words shoot to kill when I’m bad” Wait I have so many amazing lyrics I can’t even keep up with it what is happening. “It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you”

10. Illicit affairs - curious about this title???? What’s going to happen. Oooo a sneaky love thing going on. “Clandestine meetings and longing stares”. LITTLE DEATH TAYLOR SWIFT I SEE YOU LE PETIT MORT. “Dwindling mercurial high”?! Damn girl!!! Ooo okay no more orgasm things, just about lies now. Death to lies. “You showed me colors I can’t see with anyone else” “you taught me secret language I can’t speak with anyone else” Wait is it over?! The sudden endings WOW.

11. Invisible string - I keep hearing all these colors and all I can thing is RED. “Invisible string tying you to me”. I just LOVE all these pretty floating songs! “She said I look like an American singer” Omg I wonder if this is about her meeting joe IT IS IT IS THE DIVE BAR IS BACK. “One single thread of gold” ugh I love the running themes this woman uses! “Now I send their babies presents 😍” “hell was the journey but it brought me heaven” I LOVE THIS SONG OMG

12. Mad woman - I’ve been so curious about this OKAY!!!!!! TAYLOR SWIFT SAID FUCK IT HAPPENED. “Every time you call me crazy I get more crazy what about that?” “No one likes a mad woman YOU MADE HER LIKE THAT” OH MY GODDDDDD YES TELL THEM TAYLOR. “Doing your dirtiest work for you” holy SHIT Taylor this is scooter’s call out song and I LOVE THIS I LOVE THIS. “I’m taking my time because you took everything from me, watching you climb over people like me” I CANT KEEP UP TAYLOR THIS IS SO SHARP OMG and the dRUMS MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY

13. Epiphany - WHEW okay lots I’m still processing so epiphany whatcha got?! “Something med school did not cover, someone’s daughter, someone’s mother.” Omg aNOTHER HOSPITAL SONG SERIOUSLY Taylor baby no :((((( “you dream of some epiphany, just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen” I wonder if this is for nurses and caregivers?

14. Betty - oh HELLO harmonica!!!!! Is this one of the love triangle songs? TAYLOR SAID FUCK AGAIN TWICE IN ONE ALBUM! I WAS NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS!!!!! I like the melody in this though, it’s so pretty and it reminds me of her older stuff! WAIT FUCK IS IN THE CHORUS SO SHE’S SAYING IT A LOT AHHHHH. “A figment of my worst intentions” omgggggg what a great line?! Okay wait this has SO MANY CARDIGAN PARALLELS AT THE END THIS IS ONE OF THE THREE. SO IS CARDIGAN what is #3?!

15. Peace - interesting starting song hmmmmmmmm. Sounds more bluesy! “Our coming of age is come and gone.” So she can’t give peace- “I would die for you in secret, the devil’s in the details but you got a friend in me.” This song is really hitting a lot tbh. “It’s like I’m wasting your honor.” Taylor this is sad 🥺 “the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me”

16. Hoax - hOW are we already at the end?! I like the super gentle piano in the back. “Your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in. Don’t want no other shade of blue but you.” She’s so vulnerable and this is really hard to listen to. Love was just as hard as when they pulled you apart?

Physical Album Update on (TBD)

1. The lakes

[babblingblondegenius]

Someone Save Felicity Megan Smoak-Queen

I’m kinda speechless right now at the utter incompetency of the Arrow writers room but let’s give it a shot.  EPISODE 7X21 SPOILERS>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Season 8 is increasingly seeming like a very bad idea since the writers are clearly out of fresh ideas already.  Only two episodes left with their leading lady and the Arrow writers focus on Oliver hallucinating a long-dead Tommy Merlyn.  I’m in the same boat that I was last week with Roy; I like Tommy but now is not the time.  There is a huge problem when the emotional crux of the episode is between Oliver and Tommy rather than Oliver and Felicity because Oliver is spending more time having in-depth conversations with a character who isn’t even on the show than he is with his pregnant wife.  

Especially given the topic of conversation.  After weeks of trying to ‘redeem’ Emiko by giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s ‘family,’ Oliver has finally decided that she must be stopped, no matter what.  Hallucination Tommy wants to counterpoint, telling Oliver that killing Emiko makes Oliver just like his father and is only ensuring that the cycle of violence will continue.  

Here’s where I am with that:  #1  Oliver Queen is not Robert Queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Let me copy and paste from my review last week:   Robert is dead.  Oliver can’t change the past or what Robert did.  Oliver isn’t responsible for his father’s actions.  Oliver didn’t even know Emiko existed and since he found out, all he’s done is try to be a good brother to her.  Oliver proved he had nothing to do with her mother’s death and figured out who did for her.

#2  Oliver Queen is a non-super-powered, not-a-metahuman vigilante with badass archery skills and a big heart.  Sometimes in the field when facing a baddie, it is kill or be killed.  If the choice is between the bad guy or Oliver getting to live, I’m picking Oliver every day of the week and twice on Sunday without a second thought and zero remorse.  #sorrynotsorry

#3.  Oliver has changed and grown from the man who let the hood consume him and his need for vengeance in season 1.  Oliver has accounted for his mistakes, atoned for his sins, admitted his moral failings, tried to make a difference in the light, and served his penance at Slabside.  Oliver is already a hero, whether the city chooses to acknowledge that or not.  He shouldn’t have to die, or sacrifice 20 years with his family, or try to redeem someone who is going to harm an entire city for the 5,468,439 time, to prove himself a true hero.

#4  The flash-forwards have shown us that the cycle of violence continues in spite of Oliver, not because of him.  Star City has fallen into ruin in the absence of Oliver Queen.  The cycle of violence is perpetuated by the bad guys, NOT Oliver.  If Oliver Queen had his way, Star City would be an uncorrupted, safe and peaceful place to live and Oliver would be a stay-at-home dad raising William, Mia, Lucas, 5 rescue puppies, a stray cat, and two hamsters named Frick and Frack while Felicity runs her company and creates innovative and affordable tech to help the masses and make the world a better place in general.

Speaking of the flash-forwards, the writers are also wasting a lot of time with present-day peril because we already know these characters are alive in the future so there is absolutely no suspense or emotional investment.  The only time I freaked out was over Dig and then 5 seconds later, I remembered that he is alive in the future even though we haven’t seen him yet.  5 seconds after that, it turns out Dig wasn’t injured at all and it was just another part of Oliver’s dream.

Same Oliver.  That was me watching this episode.  In part because the flash-forwards continue to be inconsistent, this week with Felicity and William.  Cause plot, William is now mad at Felicity again for abandoning him.  Listen kiddo, you said you wanted a normal life and you chose to go live with your grandparents.  Mia may have been raised by Felicity but she didn’t get a ‘normal’ life.  They lived in isolation as Felicity did the best she could.  This is the woman who took on a psychopath with nothing but a fireplace poker to give you the chance to run. She would have gladly taken a bullet for you.  Can she get a break already?

Also, to the shock of no one, we find out that Alena sold Archer to Galaxy One.  The real shocker would have been if they actually let Felicity have a real friend.  

The best part of the episode was Felicity outsmarting the Keystone Kops SCPD when they tried to arrest her.  We been knew they are useless but it worked in our favor this time.  Felicity and Alena escape to the bunker so they can help the team find Oliver.  Things are going okay until Emiko shows up at the bunker (do they even have any type of security anymore or nah?) and shoots an arrow at Felicity.  Felicity pleads with Emiko not to kill her because she’s pregnant.  Uh, Felicity, I love you with the force of a thousand suns, but why tf would you share that information with the evil bitch who just dropped a whole ass building on your husband?  Do you really think Emiko cares about your child, other than to use it as a means to hurt you or Oliver?  

Whatevs, Emiko left and went back to the demolished building.   She and Oliver must have passed each other on the street because Oliver and the team come back to the bunker and we got an awkward Olicity reunion where they literally seemed to stop short of each other while asking if the other is okay.  Emily at least tries to infuse some emotion into the scene with tentative touches and by touching her belly when Oliver almost asks about the baby.  Both of them almost died and there was no hug, no kiss, and not a lot of emotion.  Not sure if SA used up all his emotional reserves in the scenes with CD or if it was a director’s choice or the writing or a combination of all three but it once again showed that the heart of this show is already gone.  Even with an injured arm, Oliver can and should still hug his wife.  

Injuries have never gotten in the way of hugs before.....

And I miss this Olicity more than words can say.  Oliver and company went back to the building to face off with Emiko but Oliver let her go so they could continue to focus on everything except the dynamics that matter most next week too. For Emily’s final episode, she wasn’t shown in the promo at all.  Obviously I know she will have scenes next week but I don’t see how they will have enough time to do her story line justice and have any type of emotionally satisfying ending.

I hope I’m wrong.  Felicity Megan Smoak Queen changed the course of this show seven years ago and she deserves to go out on a high note.

Thanks to all the amazing gifmakers. :)  Felicity/Dig gif credit to fanforum.com; Oliver / Thea gif credit to fangirlish.com; Felicity confused gif credit to tenor.com.

[harsherjasnahsaid]

my travels through the cosmere - the origins, the journey, and the destination

On the 8th of December 2019, I started reading The Way of Kings. Yesterday, on the 14th of April 2019, I finished reading Sixth of the Dusk. In between these dates, I read every single cosmere work ever published, and storms was it a wild ride.

December 8th was not the first time I had picked up The Way of Kings, having read both it and Words of Radiance, alongside a handful of other Sanderson works, back in 2014. I suppose you could say that was when, at thirteen years of age, I begun my journey through the cosmere. But it was on December 8 that I decided to reread the first two Stormlight Archive books in order to go on and read Oathbringer - a book I had eagerly been awaiting having the time to read ever since its release. It was on this day that my most recent race through the cosmere begun.

(to save your feed, dear reader, my cosmere travels continue below the cut)

I whirled my way through The Stormlight Archive, rediscovering my all time favourite book series and characters upon whom I base many of my personal philosophies; dove into Warbreaker initially to find out who tf Azure was and was rewarded with not just that information but a hundred more questions and a love of a scruffy rope-wielding ardent; jumped back to Elantris to see Brandon’s origins; took a “break” to read The Emperor’s Soul, not realising it would be the greatest piece of short fiction I would read to date; read a heartbreaking story about ghosts in a forest (i had heatstroke at the time but i persevered!! i think it needs a reread already tho my memory of that day is fuzzy); whipped my way through the first Mistborn trilogy where I was reminded just how much I loved this magic system; freaked the FUCK OUT over Kelsier doing that ????? in Mistborn SH ??????; pushed on into Wax and Wayne which was rudely cut off right when it was getting amazing (sa4 and lost metal I WILL SELL MY SOUL FOR THEE); discovered I had not one but TWO White Sand graphic novels to read; and then ended on a shardless planet nonetheless filled with Investiture.

Throughout this time, I spent countless hours vehemently searching through WoB and coppermind, and learnt a truly shocking amount about Investiture and Realmatic Theory considering I didn’t even know what those two things were four months ago. It got to the point where I would see a pool of water, yell aloud “BITCH ITS A PERPENDICULARITY!! ! !!!!” and most of the time would be right. I am sure you share the sentiment.

I also had the absolute pleasure of witnessing the incredible development of Brandon Sanderson’s writing over the past fourteen or so years. Not only did he increase his vocabulary and stop using the word “maladroitly” five times a book, but it seems he gained an incredibly nuanced view of all facets of humankind, particularly women and minority groups. Watching his insights start from a truly deep and eye-opening exploration into the minds of religious believers in Elantris, and expand to the nuanced cultures, characters, mental illnesses and injustices we see in Oathbringer was absolutely stunning. To learn and read so much about an author who openly employs reflective thinking to look at past mistakes and see how he can improve was refreshing beyond belief. We do, in fact, stan.

Over the past four months I laughed, I cried, I fell in love with so many characters (and then had other characters call the aforementioned characters into question and realised I can love them both all the same (Sazed and Wax in era 2 ??? fucking BRILLIANT writing right there)). Most of all? I genuinely had my fundamental beliefs about the world, society and our place within it shaken.

I don’t know what I will do now that I have completed my adventure through the cosmere up to the present date. Upon reading the postscript for Sixth of the Dusk I just sort of stared at a wall for a solid minute in disbelief. I feel like this is the end, as these books have been my constant companions for the recent past and their presence shall no longer be quite so constant. But the cosmere has new heights to reach yet.

I am beyond thrilled to have joined you all on our travels through these worlds. I know not where this vast universe will take us, but, after all: journey before destination, my friends.

[strictnoodle]

Sanjivani 2

Now that the show has reached the 30th Episode mark; my overall impression about the characters and everything else. (wonder how much has changed and how much has stayed the same from my first post?)

**warning: long post + spoilers ahead!**

The Seniors:

Dr. Shashank Gupta An amazing father/mentor. He's too good at heart to the point he believes a hospital can run on goodwill alone bless his heart, no wonder Sanjivani is drowning in debt The way he seems so understanding to everyone else except his own daughter baffles me. I did not like it when he slapped her. Yeah she was a tad out of line, but he could’ve just opened his mouth and cleared the misunderstanding. With the way he was trying to shut her up, I'm pretty sure that was not the first time Anjali said that to his face; why not clear the misunderstanding? I refuse to believe he actually has romantic feelings for Juhi. Honestly, ousting Juhi from Sanjivani just because Rahul asked him to is the most redicules reason they could come up with.

Dr. Juhi Singh Still the badass COS that she is, deserves the position no questions asked. I love it every time she takes charge. Whether it’s handling Vardhan, Anjali or the junior residents, she’s doing an amazing job. I was hoping she doesn’t interfere with the father-daughter relationship, but then again I understand her desperation to clear things up. And boy, did she get more than what she bargained for. Seems Rahul and her are no longer together but reasons are still unclear. I’m not a fan of the ego clashes she’s having with Dr. Shashank. I get the emotional shock she’s in, but why can’t these characters just talk to each other?

Dr. Anjali Gupta ice baby, ice. Very ambitious. Would do anything to prove her self to her father even if it meant stabbing him in the back that luxury ward meeting? yikes. For her Juhi is an obstacle that’s always been between them, which is understandable as i’ve explained here. She firmly believes her dad is in love with Dr. Juhi and he has done absolutely nothing to clear it up. She craves her dad’s recognition so much she seems to be projecting it towards Vardhan? Anjali baby, no. She holds a soft spot for Dr. Sid and I really wish they’d explore more of this. I still want to see more layers of Anjali other than “the insecure daughter”.

Mr. Vardhan Makhija Still a douche. He’s the only character that speaks sense when it comes to how to run the hospital business wise. He’s been obsessed about the Luxury ward since the first episode I expected something other than a... beauty spa? who goes to a spa in the house of death and deceases? Psychopaths that’s who  Seems like he’s using it as a cover to run some questionable/shady business Rahul is probably involved too. Can’t tell if he really has a thing for Anjali or he’s just manipulating her for his own means or both. I was honestly surprised he was worried about Sid seeing as he had no issues wishing death to Shashank? I can't with him.

The Juniors:

Dr. Siddhant Mathur A huge soft teddy bear. Very kind. Just when I started wondering why would they give him a playboy image, they shove a scene to remind me of his ways ugh, men are the worst! I love how he’s following Shashank’s footsteps with the mentoring. Very patient and understanding when dealing with people, especially with Ishani. Carries the weight of being an illegitimate over his head and he hides the pain really well. Still not a fan of his ways and can’t say I'm not glad they toned it down. I mean really punching that guy and taking his blood without consent? I’m pretty sure that falls under organ harvesting. Can't tell if he likes Ishani romantically or it’s because he’s just caring by nature, but he’s definitely attracted to her. I find it cute how bothered he is that she likes nothing about him. (Why did they change the actress who played his mom? And why was she hiding from Dr. Shashank? He better not be that idiot long lost father so help me god.)

Dr. Ishani Arora An Alien. An Alien from outer space who’s learning how to be human. jk, lol. or am I?. Socially awkward, doesn’t know proper human behavior and a diagnostic machine and thank god they toned that down. An emotional mess. Her germophobia stems from her background which she uses as a shield to keep people at a distance. Craves family and motherly love so much it honestly breaks my heart. Fiercely protective of those she calls her own slapping a guy twice her size for Asha? Absolutely fearless. An idiot, but fearless. Emotionally unstable; hence, the up and down behavior. Has been deprived of affection most of her life to the point she gets attached to anyone who shows her any form of affection. Can be self aware, as in did not hesitate to admit her mistake and apologize. A none believer and has issues with god. Life made her Cynical.

Sid/Ishani pairing I like the softness. I like how Sid respects her boundaries and tries not to touch her without permission. I liked the pace of their relationship but then the last two episodes happened and the level went from a soft 10 to a 100 in record speed, add the ‘L word’ they used for the promo and label me freaked tf out. I was very relieved when Ishani said “dost” in the episode even that was a bit of a stretch but i’ll take it. I’m hoping it’s just a developing of a crush thing and nothing else.

Dr Rishab Vaidya Such a horrible horrible person. If anyone deserves a slap from their parent, it’s this one. Watching his ass get handed to him by Ishani was the highlight of the week for me.

Dr. Asha Kanwar This girl grew on me so much. Very competitive and has a valid reason to be. She’s in a race against time and her family. Always has her friends’ back, be it Ishani or Neil or anyone. I’m hoping her competitive nature doesn’t land her in trouble one day. Desperate people almost always end up doing something foolish.

Dr. Aman Gehlot This guy is too laid back for a first year resident. Seems he went to Sanjivani to follow Asha. Very protective of her.

Dr. Rahil Shekhar My absolute favorite out of everyone! I love him so damn much. Such a sweet soft guy, would do anything for his friend. I love how he took charge being the Second Year Resident and guided the rest in the ‘rescue Sid emergency procedure’. The second son of the Mathur household. I would literally watch 20 full minutes of him just doing laundry Give me more of him!

Dr. Neil Lama Lau I still cannot wrap my head around how he managed to enter medical school when he faints at the sight of blood? Probably became a doctor for his dad.

Performance:

I didn't write anything much the first time because I wanted to give the actors a fair chance to settle into their character, and I supposed 30 episodes is more than enough time, no? I honestly have no complain from the senior cast. Rohit’s 3D glasses need to go tho, asap.

My main issue is/was with the junior cast, specifically Namit and Surbhi. Since we don’t see much of the others I'm not really bothered about them, Now:

Namit As much as he’s nailing the laidback carefree attitude, he’s really really bad in emotional/intense scenes. I swear that phone conversation with his mom on the bench gave me secondhand embarrassment and I hate secondhand embarrassment. Every time Sid cries, I'm reminded of that face babies make when they’re fed something sour you know, all crunched up and stuff?. What was that death bed scene? And what is the Director doing? Your actor does subtlety really well, use it. And writers work around your actor’s weaknesses and utilize his strength fgs.

Surbhi: Some scenes she’s a pro and the other scenes i’m watching an amateur leaving me a whiplashed. Ishqbaaaz was the first show I've seen her in never seen Qubool Hai and I’ve noticed then Surbhi is a director’s actor(?). This actor-director team need to set tf down so they can get their shit together and agree once and for all how they want to present this character. Volume wise, personally I don't fault her much because Surbhi’s voice tone is naturally loud. Having a loud family myself a best friend too, these people really don’t realize how loud they’re being unless someone points it out to them, in this case the Director. I’m just glad it toned down considerably from the first couple of weeks.

Anyways, both are getting a pass from me so far since I'm just watching the show for fun; hence i’m not that bothered. But acting wise, both really have a lot of work to do like, a lot a lot. The directors need to up their game as well, half the issues would probably be solved if there was proper guidance and a clear vision between Namit/Surbhi and the Direction team.

Editing & everything else:

Still all over the place. One minute the doctors are wearing gloves, the next it magically disappeared? There’s no consistency with the scenes most of the time. Thankfully they worked on the lighting. It is much better than the first couple of weeks where we could barely see anything.

Finally...

The overall plot started okay-ish toned down considerably from the melodrama of the first weeks but then it was Cliche City the last two episodes. I'm hoping they go back to their previous pace because I liked the overall mellowness of the show. I don’t like how they’ve cut down on the medical cases. I mean it is a medical show? Where the main set is a hospital? And all main characters are doctors? smh. I personally prefer one medical case running for the entire week. That way there will be no super speed diagnostic and no miracle one minute cure happening. 

I still catch up with the show on the weekends as i’m not yet heavily invested in the show I could sign off any minute. What I do like most is the grey shades of the characters, They’re not easy to like and makes picking them apart quite fun.

[not-safe-for-bts]

Nice Try

DISCONTINUED

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader

Warnings: This is just some good anime inspired smut, death, gore, Sir kink tf is the name for that kink someone tell me, gang leader Jungkook, swearing

Summary: You are sent out to Seoul with one aim - kill Jeon Jungkook. But when he catches on to your plan, there is a punishment in store.

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

~^*^~

“Seokjin.” You grumbled flatly, “I am not wearing this!”

You stepped out of the small dressing room, coming face to face with your boss, Seokjin. His eyes raked over your body as you stood before him. He had decided to make you wear something quite... well, to be blunt, small. This was only your undergarments and you already hated it. A strapless, white, see-through corset to push your waist in and keep your breasts looking large, a matching thong, stockings and the harness to go with them. On your left thigh, a holster was strapped into position. You crossed your arms, scowling at Seokjin who’s face had lusted over.

“Yah! Kim Seokjin!” You snapped your fingers in front of his face.

“I think you look... nice...”

“I swear to fucking god-“

“You need to wear something like this. That Jeon Jungkook makes sure all of his female employees are like this. It’s not just you.”

“What kind of pervert is he?! Jesus if I have to wear this, I can’t wait to fucking kill him.”

“Easy. You haven’t even gotten to the dress yet.”

“Dress?”

“You’re going to be a maid.”

Once you had put the dress on, you were definitely upset. It was a standard black dress, ending just below your knees. It had poofy shoulders which came in to constrict into tight sleeves down to your wrists. Seokjin had tied a white pinafore apron around your body and completed the dress. Finally came the boots you were relieved that Jin had settled with Doc Martens or you feared you may have gone insane and killed him instead. Arms folded, scowl on your face, you presented yourself to Jin.

He smiled and told you that you look almost perfect. Almost. He reached over you, placing a thick black headband around your head, leaving your bangs free and the rest of your hair pushed back slightly. Now, you were complete.

Finally finished with what you deemed a costume, you followed Seokjin out to his car and got into the passenger seat. Once he was in, Seokjin reached over and pulled the hem of your skirt up, causing you to shriek and backhand him around the face. He looked up, shocked.

“YAH!”

“What do you mean “YAH”?! You fucking-“

“I’m putting your gun in!”

“...oh... sorry.”

He brought out a standard pistol and pushed your dress up until the holster was revealed. He pushed the gun into place, making sure it was secure then sat back. You watched as he pushed his head back and rubbed his face where you had slapped him. You mumbled an apology. Then, you set off to Jeon Jungkook. It wasn’t a particularly long ride to the Jeon mansion, however, the nerves bundling in your stomach made it feel a lot longer than what it was. This was your first real mission and you were absolutely terrified. Jeon Jungkook was notorious for being ruthless and you were scared shitless of him finding out who you were and killing you. You had dealt with evil men before. Once, you had to sleep with a gang member, Kim Namjoon, and slip him a poison from your mouth to his. Another time, you had been an undercover escort, tasked with killing a playboy drugs mater, Min Yoongi. But you had never dealt with the likes of Jeon Jungkook. He was all of the men you had ever lured in and killed put together into one, evil, handsome, deceitful man.

Your thoughts were cut short when you pulled up outside the mansion gates. Seokjin announced that he couldn’t take you any further than this, so you were left to get out, send him one last look, then venture in. You straightened your dress as you walked closer to the mansion, taking in its beauty. A large fountain stood outside the structure, trimmed hedges lining the front garden. The house itself was humongous, made of flawless white concrete, old fashioned windows and having a red slate triangular roof. It was beautiful. Too beautiful. The wooden doors at the front of the house burst open and an old woman - probably of 50 or 60 - came rushing out to you. There was a panic written on her face. He held her dress up above her knees so that she could run towards you.

“Are you the new maid?!” She inquired, coming to a halt in front of you.

“Yes, I am.”

“Master Jeon is furious with you!” You gulped, “you were supposed to be here an hour and a half ago! Come on!”

She paced off and you rushed after her inside of the beautiful house. You had no time to take in the beauty as you were taking up and down halls, through a maze of rooms until you came to two beautiful wooden doors. She stopped, sorting her appearance out, then turned to make sure you looked perfect. Once ready, she knocked thrice and a muffled hello granted her permission to enter. She opened the door and stepped in, turning right to somebody sitting at that end of the room. She announced that you had been located and a gruff yet young voice ordered her to let you in. She quickly stepped aside and looked at you. Heart in your throat, you stepped inside, shuttling the door behind you. When you turned to face the man, you froze. You had seen the pictures of him that Seokjin had showed you pre-mission. You had seen his face millions of times on the news, smiling or growing. But in person... he looked ethereal. Despite the fact he was frowning at you, a dimple at one corner of his mouth, he was absolutely stunning. His black hair was pushed out of his forehead and his almond eyes were glaring at you. His chiselled jawline was pushed up, locked, lips in a tight line. His body was hugged by a black suit and white shirt, all crisp and fitting him perfectly. So this was Jeon Jungkook.

“Why were you late?” He asked, voice as soft as butter but as sharp as a knife.

“I...” you paused. Shit. “ I had trouble locating the house...”

“Sir.” The woman next to you hissed.

“Sir...” you repeated.

“If you can’t find the house, how are you supposed to find the things that I want?” He challenged.

“I’m sure that I can learn, Sir.” You bowed.

“Give me your name.”

“I-it’s [First]. Kim [First].” Seokjin had told you to give a fake surname. So, you took his.

“Age.”

“Twenty five, Sir.”

“So you’re only three years younger than me then?” This man was almost thirty?! He looked like a young adult, still!

“Yes, Sir.”

“Haerin, sort her out with her chores.” He ordered.

“Yes, Sir.” The woman next to you bowed.

~^*^~

Three weeks had passed into the mission and you had become accustomed to your chores. You flew by the day with ease, knowing exactly what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Haerin had been a big help, giving secrets away that were helping you determine when would be best to kill Jungkook. You had come to the conclusion that although he was very handsome and oozed authority, he was nothing short of a dick. He was rude to everybody, swore a lot, and worst of all objectified his staff. You had grown to hate him.

Currently, you were doing the washing, taking wet clothes outside to be hung on the many washing lines. As you placed the basket of wet clothes down, bending over, a gust caught a hold of your dress, blowing it high, showcasing your legs in the stockings, ass in the thong and unfortunately for you, the gun. You let out a shriek, standing up and whipping your hands to your behind to hold the dress down. You quickly looked around to make sure nobody was looking - you didn’t notice the person looking through the second floor window. For the rest of the day, you were on high alert, especially freaked out by Jeon constantly demanding you in his office to “talk”. He was asking personal questions about your family, your home, your academics. You had no clue why, but it worried you all the less.

Later that night, you stood outside in the garden and called Seokjin.

“Hello, Kim Seokjin, sex god.”

“Jin, shut the fuck up. This is serious.”

“What’s up?”

“Today, my dress blew up and showed my gun...” You began.

“Right-“

“I’m not done,” you snapped, “and ever since, Jeon’s been calling me into his office. I think he’s making a file on me. I think he’s catching on.”

“Right. You’ll need to go into his office and be sure. If he’s making notes on you, extract them. Finish your mission no later than midnight not tomorrow but the day after.”

“Alright.” You hung up, looking around again to make sure nobody was watching you. Yet again, you failed to miss the same set of eyes and ears observing you.

When the skies had darkened to black, you made your way back inside. The lights had been switched off and all of the staff had retired for the night. With quiet steps, you navigated around the mansion until you finally came to Jungkook’s office. You were all too familiar with his office, especially after today. Your eyes scanned up and down the hall and behind you, where a large area was cut out for sofas, then you pushed the door open and entered. The room was quiet except for the ticking of a clock and it was dark. You made your way over to Jungkook’s desk and began shuffling the papers between your fingers, looking for anything. There were files on drug transactions, hitmen, friends, enemies, and then at the very bottom - you. You scanned through, seeing all the lies you had created put onto sheets of paper and you picked them up. You made a b-line for the door. Once you were out, you made your way over to the cut out, and sighed. You pressed your head against the wall. When you turned around, you came face-to-face with Jeon Jungkook. Before a scream could leave your mouth, he had his hand pressed over your mouth and pushed you into the wall using the weight of his body.

“What do we have here?” He sneered, snatching the papers from your hand, “it’s not nice to steal from your boss, [First]... if that’s your real name.”

“It is.” Your voice was muffled.

“And just who are you - no lies.”

“I told you. I’m just-“ he pushed his hand harder into your face.

“Do you really want to lie to me?”

His hand began to snake up your leg, starting from your knee and creeping up your dress. Your eyes widened. His hand went under, snaking up the inside of your thigh. Slowly, his fingers traced the small exposed skin of your thigh, and then his hand moved to cup your clothed heat. Your breathing became rugged. Then, his hand suddenly moved, grabbing the holster and whipping the gun out. He jabbed it into your side and finally, you were ready to cry.

“You come to my house,” he hissed, “you lie to my face, and then you try to kill me. I should shoot you dead right here right now. Give me a reason not to.” Terrified, your eyes scanned his face for anything you could use. Then it hit you. The way that you had been trained to kill was using your femininity and sex. If you wanted to kill Jungkook, you were going to have to stop him from killing you... by fucking him. You had slept with Kim Namjoon, you had slept with playboy Min Yoongi, you had even performed oral on a newbie gang boss, Park Jimin before blowing his brains out with a gun while he came on your face. You pushed his hand away.

“You won’t kill me.” You allowed your voice to darken only slightly, “want to know how I know?”

“Enlighten me.”

“Because I know you want to fuck me.” It was a long shot, granted, but it seemed to work because the next thing you knew, Jungkook had smashed his lips to yours.

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

“i wrote down my goals so when i get them i’ll know i was brave enough to want them” - alexi pappas.

10 years, 10 goals. tagged by my gals @musingsoflulu  and @mountains--and--miles, I wrote a little post before the new year about some goals but a second time won’t hurt, plus this includes more long term stuff

1. Become more politically informed/active I will be the first to admit that I definitely do not know enough about what is going on with our government/any government at any given time. I’m making an effort to start reading the news in the morning rather than endlessly scrolling through social media. I will ask questions when people mention something I don’t know rather than nodding along. I also want to become more involved in activism and making my voice heard. I don’t like the thought of complaining about things that aren’t being done “right” if I myself am not actually making any effort to change them.

2. Merge running with environmentalism Building off of my first point, I want to run some sort of race this year which I can use to raise environmental awareness. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I want to do this and I’m not sure exactly yet, but I WILL do it. Bringing together the two things I care about most.

3. Be calm My type A personality makes it reaalllllly hard for me to chill tf out. Not only is it exhausting but it sucks the fun out of a lot of stuff. I want to plan less and go with the flow more, with running, eating, socializing, etc.

4. Lots of running goals Short term is running a spring marathon and breaking 3:40 which I think is well within my reach considering I made a lottttt of mistakes my first time out there which I (hope) I learned from. Beyond that I want to BQ (surprise, surprise), but what really sets my soul on fire is the idea of running mountain ultras eventually. I’ve got my eye on one for spring of 2019 and as @mountains--and--miles said, my ultimate goal is western states. I know that could come off as a bit...much? But after hearing so many stories of the ultra running greats I have zero doubt in my mind that if I put in the work and I keep the passion burning, I’ll get there eventually. (Also Meg let’s crew for each other ok? thx)

5. Move out west! Ideally Colorado, more ideally Boulder For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to move out to the west coast and after spending a decent amount of time traveling around out there in 2017 I am more sure than ever that it is where I belong. Colorado has always been one of my favorite places, I grew up going out there to ski every winter with my family. Boulder seems like this mecca of ultra endurance athletes and badass adventurous people and I feel like I could really thrive there (I know it’s expensive af depending on how you do it but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it)

6. Go to law school...I think I have changed my life plan approximately 4000 times but if I want to achieve my ultimate career goals I think law school is the correct path for me. ALSO most of the schools with strong environmental law programs are located in the cities that I would love to live so...I’m stoked

7. Play a major role in enacting some form of climate change policy Building off of number 6, my ultimate goal with environmental law is to work with climate change policy. It’s where my passion lies and where I feel like I could make the biggest difference

8. Spend my life with someone I love + have kids Growing up without siblings has served to solidify my decision that I 100% want to have multiple kids of my own some day. I get so excited thinking about my future kiddos running down the stairs on christmas morning, bringing me breakfast in bed on mother’s day, fighting in the backseat of the car on the way to (cross country perhaps?) practice. I know a lot of people aren’t sure if they want kids or really, really don’t want them but I’m so excited to meet my future people.

9. ED related things First of all, can we acknowledge that I made it to number 9 before this topic even came to mind like...fuck yeah?? Anyway- I have made a lottttt of progress in the ED realm since 2011 when this all started (7 years wtf) but I still have a ways to go. I think I make progress best by tackling one goal at a time (giving up the scale, not writing everything down at the end of the day, etc.). I want to use this year to really focus on moving in a positive direction. Seeing food as fuel for running (cliche, but hard to take my own advice sometimes), developing a healthier relationship with alcohol (I don’t want that to make it sound like I have an alcohol problem, it’s the opposite, alcohol is the one thing that continuously drives my ED thoughts up the wall, but I want to be able to go out and drink at parties or order a drink at a restaurant or have a class of whatever when I’m home for the holidays without worrying about it), and my biggest goal which I think will catalyze big, positive change is to stop. counting. calories. It really freaks me out to be open about that and put it out here but if I’m being honest it’s a habit that is ingrained in my brain from years of doing so which makes it really hard to break but there ya have it folks! open and honest!

10. Be present Again, sounds cliche but my mind is always racing with 100 thoughts of things I need to do later, what I’ve already done for the day, etc. Stuff that really isn’t worth obsessing over because what’s done is done and what has yet to happen isn’t going to happen just because I’m thinking about it. Calming my mind and being here, now will be good for me.

Okay I spent waaay longer on this than I expected but I enjoyed it a lot

tagging my pals: @embracingwild, @kiara-shannon, @championsaremade, @sweeterthanabumblebee, @sunnyruns, @runninglaur, @runner-vs-theworld, @runningonsmoothies, @sunandrunn Do it UPPPPPPPP

[transsteves]

do all the vague nsfw asks you wanna do

I’m probably gonna answer all of them lmao I’m bored and into oversharing

1. Are looks important in a relationship?not really. aesthetics? yes. so kinda??? idk. not really, it’s more of an emotional connection, but if ur adorable like thats a plus (but everyone’s adorable)

2. Are relationships ever worth it?I hope so? I really hope so. but I can’t prove it yet.

3. Are you a virgin?technically???? no. consensually, yes.

4. Are you in a relationship?no :/ unless one specific guy asks, and then yes I have a girlfriend I need him off my back

5. Are you in love?I doNT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS

6. Are you single this year?yes I’m alone

7. Can you commit to one person?yes??? but I get worried that that person can’t commit to me, esp since I’m so sex repulsed lmao. but I really like being in poly relationships so idm!!

8. Describe your crush????????????? skip

9. Describe your perfect matelmao this sounds like some animalistic shit but ummmmm it’s just… someone who loves and supports me and doesnt falter or hurt me when I get bad, I spose.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?I don’t know? I’ve never had that and eh

11. Do you ever want to get married?maybe? imma leave that as a solid maybe

12. Do you forgive betrayal?id love to say no to keep up my salty aesthetic but like. yes. too much. I forgive literally almost everything

13. Do you get jealous easily?a little.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?why is this question after the describe your crush???? um okay also I don’t understand my emotions so skip

15. Do you have any piercings?yis!!! I have a nose piercing, a lip piercing, two piercings in my left ear, and a stretcher in my right ear! I also have three closed up ear piercings haha

16.Do you have any tattoos?yup! I have a sloth on my right arm and three dots on my left ankle

17. Do you like kissing in public?ok um yes??? but generally in places I feel safe to be doing that like I wouldn’t do it in my hometown probably

there are ??? two numbers missing from the post ??? tf

20. Do you shower every day?haha no what??? u think I have my life together???

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?bitch I don’t understand my own emotions u think I can understand other people’s ok i know one person does but we Do Not Talk About That and he’s not on here

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?I hope not!!! but I kinda also hope so. what is life???

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?yes???

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?ha no probably not

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?yes I’m lonely

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?yeah, in a very manipulative way tho so I don’t trust that

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?yes

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?technically no?? I have been kissed/other things have happened while I’ve been in a relationship and I’ve been vulnerable (high/drunk/etc) but I didn’t reciprocate

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?um yeah take my tits away get fuckin rid of em

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?yes

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?I think so??

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?not consensually

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?not consensually

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?yes, bc I thought I was a straight cis girl lmao

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?no

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?yes many many but a lot of them are angry. a couple were nice.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?no

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?forever

43. How long was your longest relationship?um??? 4 years but it was in bits so in a continuous nature 6 months

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?OH GOD UM 5??? I think???

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?that was so long ago wtf I was 13/14 um??? I think about 5 but a lot of those were auditions

46. How many times did you have sex last year?none (I think)

47. How old are you?18

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?eh nvm

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?I am alone

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?I want to say no, because they fucked me up a lot, but realistically I would probably take them back

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?most people???

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?yes, and we do not talk about him.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?unfortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.skip.

56. State 8 facts about your body1) I have hypermobility in all my joints which lets me do super cool shit bc I can dislocate/hyperextend everything and freak people out; 2) my nail beds are always bleeding because I bite them; 3) according to my friend Lewis, you can “literally feel [my] ribs through [my] tits what the fuck that’s so wild”; 4) my hips stick out at the front and sometimes when I’m not paying attention I walk into doors and that’s what hits the door first; 5) I have a scar above my left eyebrow because I tripped over a bike in a park when I was three and cracked my head open and it was open to the bone; 6) my hair is ridiculously fucking straight apart from one tiny bit which literally grows in ringlets; 7) I’m always covered in bruises; 8) my wrists click and it makes me happy

57. Things you want to say to an exthere’s too much to write but I’m gonna write a song at some point so

58. What are five ways to win your heart?1) letting me talk about nerdy shit without getting bored; 2) supporting me when I’m down and broken; 3) loving animals and like… being kind to animals; 4) secret talents ???? they make me so happy; 5) being able to shout about exciting things together

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)I’ll reblog one in a sec!

60. What was the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?8 years I think

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone????? um??? physically, probably hair because I avoid looking people in the eye even in photos lmao

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?skip.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?skip.

64. What is your definition of cheating?skip.

65. What is your favorite foreplay routine?YEP SKIP.

66. What is your favorite roleplay?SKIP THIS.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?ummm… it’s autumn and it’s like just starting to get cold and it’s blankets and coats while we’re sat on the riverbank with a laptop and Wi-Fi connection out of somewhere and we’re watching stupid funny movies and drinking coffee and everything is quiet and fine

68. What is your sexual orientation?I’m panromantic asexual!!

69. What turns you off?um, skip

70. What turns you on?in have an answer for this but like skip.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?never had one.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?SKIP.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?idk honestly

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?I don’t??? know??? aesthetic like, the clothes and the hair and stuff I guess

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?skip.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?skip.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?if everyone’s of age and it’s like, age appropriate? I think the rule is like half your age and add seven and the answer is the youngest ???

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?nope. skip.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?I genuinely don’t remember

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?like,,,, half an hour ago

81. Who are five people you find attractive?imma take this as celebs bc I’m not doing people: 1) dodie fckn clark oh god; 2) joe keery; 3) rj cyler; 4) Natalia dyer; 5) Hannah witton

82. Who is the last person you hugged?my mummm

83. Who was your first kiss with?ok honestly this is my fave story bc it was with this guy Stevie and it was legitimately in a fucking audition for a part I didn’t even get and I was still in the closet but the role was for a trans boy (granted, a fairly poorly written trans boy), and ugh

84. Why did your last relationship fail?because I didn’t want to be in the relationship but was guilted into it

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?yeah, I have before lmao

[funkkpunk]

Sober October Day 7

. Day 7 stressful as fuck due to my procrastination. I did a rough draft of my presentation (How to Roll a Cone Joint) and then Lisa called me asking for help with soundcloud. This ended up with me finding 2 songs I had private and realizing me and Steven rly aren’t bad but I definitely have not been training my writing skills at all. Also we made an agreement to no longer keep music hidden from each other so I think that’ll benefit the three of us by forcing us to be comfortable. But after that I was also oddly sleepy during the day which led to further procrastination on my project. I had to take my dad to get his car and also had to take my sister school so I didn’t end up starting the final project until about 5, but I got both the script and video done. Side note I lit the joint for the video (I accidentally used the free nug of better kush I had gotten) and oh boy that shit smelled beautiful. Steven hit it a few times and I ended up finishing it at 6:45 (when class starts) and Steven gave me a ride to school so I finished the notecard in the car. Then of course my dumb ass didn’t think about how I would actually upload the video I made. Spent about an hour reformatting it and uploading it to my google drive and I ended up going last instead of 3rd. But, I think the actual presentation went extremely well. I made sure to maintain lots of eye contact (I think) but probably locked my elbows still. I get that not everything is a competition, but I definitely feel like a top contender in the class. Oh yeah I had to login to my google account and I guess the verification went to Susan’s phone so she asked me about it. I felt so embarrassed for some reason like I didn’t want her to think I did it on purpose. I really wanted to ask her about Hawaii or at least wish her well on the trip but I didn’t reply after I explained the google thing. Just didn’t feel right yknow.. felt selfish for me to reply with some shit like that like this person is trying to enjoy Hawaii w their family don’t start draining their energy. Not that I necessarily have that power or meaning or anything but just didn’t want to risk pushing her further away. My mom picked me up after class and Lisa came over to talk for a bit about some of her life atm. The general lesson was that actions speak louder than words. We got some in n out and went to see Steven. I told her it was rly hard not to reply to susan bc I felt like the ball is in her court anyways (if that even exists now) but over the past couple days Ive come to think that that is wrong. Because I haven’t really made it clear how I feel I just freaked tf out and shut down communication. But then again it’s like what would even happen.. just bc I’v assessed myself and have started to do better that doesn’t mean anything if I’m still just at home jobless and not accomplishing tangible goals. And wtf am I even saying bc she probably doesn’t want that yknow? Just wishful thinking. Idk but anyways yeah we established the no secret music thing w Steven and he played us some old beats watched some shows then we went home and she left. I fell asleep trying to make beats in bed (when does that ever work) and woke up to shower then slept