#the potential for full nuclear relationship meltdown is nigh

[ssaalexblake]

That said, as funny as the Claire and Yaz ‘your person’ exchange was for how much of a brutal slam it was to 13, I feel like it’s also pointing out through the parallels with Claire and Yaz in that 13′s as aware of Yaz’s feelings for her as Bryon is aware of Claire’s for him but like... Ignores them because it doesn’t Work for him. 13′s reasonings may be opposite to Byron’s, but she’s still ignoring Yaz’s feelings because that really isn’t a thing she needs right now. 

I mean, the doctor isn’t an idiot and this one IS socially awkward but she also tends to weaponize that awkwardness to get away with things she’d get into trouble for if ppl thought they were from maliciousness instead of cluelessness (She like... Slams ppl a lot. She slammed Robinson in arachnids with the whole ed sheeran thing, she does it to the supervisor in kerblam when he’s mean to kira etc etc... She gets away with it because she acts earnest and cute when doing it and it’s easily misread as obliviousness on her part, the victims are usually shown to look confused in the next shot as if trying to work out if the were just insulted or not. It’s a method and it works for 13), so the idea that she’s playing off her own awkwardness to make it seem like she’s oblivious to Yaz’s feelings isn’t farfetched at all, imo. 

Because she knows. 

Yaz asks to keep traveling with her and Leads with wanting more time with her, Then adds on the thing about the universe afterwards. And says she’s like the best person she’s ever met in the same scene. Yaz then spends the rest of the season sending the most hearty of heart eyes at 13 whenever possible, is all big smiles and soft looks, when 13 praises her she Glows (the glow at the praise thing lasts longer than the heart eyes, which pretty much disappear during orphan 55 due to the events and 13′s behaviour due to trauma, but the praise thing i saw happening in nikola tesla’s night of terror as well). 

She’s got it bad. 

I mean, Yaz obviously developed one hell of a thing for 13 during s11 when she was putting her on a pedestal (always unwise, people are people, But in this case i feel like Yaz deserves more of a pass since 13 was putting on her chipper happy good person routine and deliberately obscuring her less pleasant qualities from them all), and then it got more complicated in s12 when 13 didn’t so much fall of the pedestal as much as she kind of threw herself dramatically off of it by being a Massive Bastard in general and after a while just Forgot to portray her hopeful visage of the previous season), but during s12 Yaz then had to deal with the fact that yes, the doctor is very much just a person with issues and faults and problems like any other person, and while this complicated her feelings about the doctor they obviously haven’t gone anywhere, which is what that conversation with Claire told us. 

This helpfully led us into the finale, and perfectly sets us Yaz’s behaviour during the timeless children, she’s emulating the doctor by jumping in head first with little forethought, is genuinely militant in her desire to find 13 and save her from the master and doesn’t react well to 13 going off to sacrifice herself (that scene is Painful. Ryan having to be strong for 13 because Yaz can’t do it Hurts). 

And i mean, i knew all of this before the ny special aired, and i figured there was No Way that Yaz was going to let this go but it was so much worse than i imagined, Yaz was literally Obsessed. She was camping out in the other tardis filled with theories as to what/where/when 13 could be, notes stuck to walls, she was literally The Meme. 

Which is what brings me back to the doctor. That thing where she used the other tardis as expendable in her ‘i am the doctor and the doctor kills daleks’ identity crisis. The same tardis that still had all Yaz’s notes in, still had Yaz’s camping out gear in, had all the evidence of just how Yaz has spent months and months and months dedicated to 13. 

That missing moment that we couldn’t ever have seen where 13 has to go into the tardis to set it up for her plan, runs in full tilt because they need to hurry... Stops. Quietly looks at what surrounds her. Is very much blatantly confronted with the Depth of all this in Yaz. 

The Doctor already knew. They didn’t make that Claire and Byron comparison for no reason. But did she know How much? Well. I think she does now, and while i’m not necessarily sure it would terrify her in the state of mind she’s in right now (like, atm she’s in crisis, if anything this is probably Convenient to the suddenly almost alone identity crisis doctor, but Normally? This is the type of thing that strikes terror into the doctor’s hearts for a variety of reasons), but it’s irrefutably something she knows about fully and can’t be denied anymore. 

She’s going to have to react eventually, she can’t ignore it forever.