#the person on the phone helping me was REALLY nice and the actual employees are NICE

[yoshistory]

god these unemployment fuckers are sooo annoying ... "we got notice you didnt respond to emails from a representative who's offering job reccomendations" mfers those aren't automated and i have to reply saying "thank you"!?!?!!?!?!! what do you mean. "you ghosted a representative" did not realize that person was real.

[twice-inamillion]

The Company

Taeyeon and IU’s Plan 

Smut and Story Building (Sex, Deep Penetration, Defloration, Creampie, Fingering, Blowjob) 

Chapter 3

4,315 Words

(IU finds out that Taeyeon has been looking through her phone that filled with her sexual experiences with her boss. Taeyeon is convinced by IU to get a taste and comes up with a plan. Taeyeon gets more than what she can handle. OC gets a little surprised but is more than happy to accept it.) 

A few weeks pass, and every time Taeyeon stays at IU’s apartment, she notices hints of your sexual relationship with IU. Anything like cum covered panties, cummed covered skirts and marks on IU’s thighs and chest. 

She can’t hold on any longer; she needs to confront her friend about the type of relationship the two of you have. Taeyeon tries to find the looks for the best moment to talk to her about this. 

“I’m going to ask her today; I can’t wait anymore. It’s awkward every time I see the two of them together.” 

Taeyeon arrives earlier than usual and prepares dinner for the both of them, “Some pasta would be nice and easy to do. She changes into some comfortable clothes and gathers all the necessary items to make the meal. 

“Taeyeon, I’m home.”

“Welcome back. I made dinner for us.”

“Aww, that’s nice of you. Let me change.”

“Okay, I’ll set the dinner table.”

Taeyeon sets the dinner table and waits for IU to take a seat before serving her. “What’s the special occasion?”

“Nothing much. I just got tired of ordering takeout and wanted to make something homemade.”

“Haha, you should do this more often.”

“I’ll try, only when I’m done early. Anyways, how was your day? Don’t think we have talked comfortably in the past few days.”

“Hmm… nothing much. Just the same old thing. You know, helping with ranking the trainees, setting up meetings, and doing my duties as the CEO’s assistant.”

“What kind of duties do you have?”

“Just busy stuff like going over his daily and weekly schedule, setting up his meetings, sometimes bringing him his meals or some do simple tasks.”

“Seems like he has you overworking yourself.”

“Ah, no, that’s not true. He also has Irene as the secondary assistant. We share the tasks here and there. It's not that bad, actually, once you get used to it. But there are times when it does get busy, and I come home tired.”

“Is he nice to you?”

“He can be a bit tough, but he treats me nice. He asks how I’m doing, buys me nice things like jewelry, and gives me spending money.”

“Seems like the two of you have more than a boss-and-employee relationship.”

IU smiles and tries to play it off, but Taeyeon teases her, “Omg, are you and your boss something?” IU can’t help but grin, causing Taeyeon to push deeper, “I kind of figured the two of you were a thing. Is it actually a thing or work sex?”

“Haha, why do you want to know? Are you perhaps interested?”

“No! I just wanted to ask since you have been acting a bit differently.” 

“Hmm.. okay. I’ll tell you, but don’t tell anyone else, okay?”

Taeyon is now completely invested in finding out their relationship and eagerly nods, “Yeah, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Okay, remember how I told you that my family has financial issues?”

“Yeah, of course. You said that your family was struggling really back, especially your mom.”

“I wanted to help her somehow, so I contacted some people and became his personal assistant. This meant I had to service him at the workplace and him “personally.” I knew it was bound to happen and did it for my mother’s sake. So I had my first time with him. I thought I would hate him, but he’s really caring. He and I aren’t dating; it’s just a work relationship. I’ve been with him for a bit over a year and learned that it’s better to take the initiative and serve him than for him to act on it. If he has to ask for it when he might fuck you based on his mood, and trust me, that might be a bit dangerous. So I learned to read his mood and service him.”

“Oh wow. I didn’t know it was that serious.”

“The pay is really good, and the benefits are much better. This is one of the reasons why I have this apartment, and my mom is living in a nice house.”

Taeyeon hesitants but asks, “By the way, how far have you gone? Like, what do you do?”

“Well… the first few times, it was just regular sex, then it was a handjob and blow job. As time kept going, we would do more stuff, like me giving him head in his office or having sex in there too.”

“Have you two done anal?”

“Ahh, I haven’t, but he’s done it with someone else.” 

“Who?”

“Irene, his other assistant.”

“He fucks her too?”

“Yeah, and let me tell you this. Their relationship is much different than mine. She didn’t want to service him and learned the hard way. Anyways, are you interested?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t try to hide it, Taeyeon. I know you looked through my panties in my hamper and went through my phone.” 

Taeyeon panics and lies, “No, I didn’t do that.” 

“Don’t lie, that phone is something that he gave me. It screen records every time someone tries to log in. So I know that you’ve been looking at my videos of him fucking me.”

Taeyeon panics, and it shows. IU reads Taeyeon like a book and teases her by asking, “Are you interested in him?”

“Ahh, no! I’m just interested.”

“Lies, I’ve heard your moaning during the night. I know that you’re sexually interested and frustrated.”

“No, you’re wrong.” 

“I mean, if you are, and I know you are. It will make my job easier. There are so many things I have to do, and if he’s busy with you, then that means I have to spend less time servicing him. What do you think?”

“Umm… I don’t know.”

“I’ll even help you. I’ll tell you the best time and even get him a bit tipsy for you, haha.”

“You’ll help me?”

“Yeah, you’re my friend. It’s not like I have anything to lose. Look, I’ll even show you some pictures from today,” as IU pulls out her phone and shows Taeyeon a video of you getting your cock sucked and you cumming in her mouth and face. IU notices Taeyeon slide her hand between her legs and rubs herself under the table, “Don’t tell me you don’t see yourself being in my place. Just imagine his hot cum on your face and going down your throat.”

“Hmm… you said you’ll help me, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll take care of everything. You just got to follow my advice, and you’ll be good.”

“Okay, I’ll do it,” causing IU to smile.

————

“Is that the last schedule for the day?”

“Yes, sir. You’re done for the day. Are you planning on dining out?”

“No, I just want to go home and rest. This was a busy and long weekend; I wanted to have a drink and relax. I’ll probably go out tomorrow.”

“Would you still like me to service you later tonight?”

“Hmm… actually, how about we share a drink?”

“It would be my pleasure, sir.”

You gather all your belongings and head to your apartment with IU. The two of you wait for the elevator and can’t help but notice the large height difference between the both of you, almost a foot apart. The elevator door slides open, and the two of you enter and scan your keycard to the top floor. 

Arriving at the top floor, you walk down a long hallway towards the single, large door on the floor and insert your code to enter, “Finally, back home.” The two of you take your shoes off, leave your items on the table by the hallway, and sit on the large couch. 

“Would you like me to serve you the usual?”

“Yes, please.”

IU heads towards the kitchen and to the alcohol cabinet and grabs a bottle and two glass cups. She pours the both of you a drink and walks back. “Here you, sir.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I like your initiative, Ji-eun. You’ve become a reliable assistant.”

“No, thank you, sir. For the opportunity to serve you and the help to my family.”

“Ahh, yes. How’s your mother doing?”

“She’s doing well, thanks to your generosity.”

“No need to thank me; it’s all due to your hard work.”

IU grabs the bottle once more and pours another drink as you enjoy the view from the top floor of the building. Watching the sunset is one of your favorite things after coming home from a long day. 

“Would you like me to order you takeout, sir?”

“Sure, that’d be great.”

“What would you like?”

“You can choose.”

“Okay, I’ll place an order.”

You place your drink down and change into something more comfortable while waiting for the food to arrive. IU sets the table, cleans a bit of the living room, and places your items where they belong. “Would you like another drink?”

“Yeah, I could go for another one.”

She serves you another drink, and you take small sips as you continue to enjoy the view from your living room couch. You and IU have a small conversation about some of the schedule for next week and about the process of the trainees when IU’s phone pings. “Sorry, sir. It’s the delivery person; I’m going to go down to the lobby and meet them. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

You walk to the kitchen, open the fridge door, and grab a couple of beers for the meal. You wait for IU to arrive and check your messages. When you hear the door ring go off, signaling that IU was coming inside. 

“Sir, I’m back.”

“Nice, I grabbed a couple of beers for the two of us.”

“Sir, I met Taeyeon in the lobby and asked her to join us. Would that be okay with you, sir?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“She’ll be coming up in a few. She just went to get changed.”

“Okay, let's get the table ready for three.”

After a few minutes, the doorbell rings, and IU opens the door for Taeyeon. “Hello, sir. Thank you for allowing me into your house.”

“It’s no problem; you’re welcome anytime; come take a seat.” 

Taeyeon sits on the couch across from you," Would you like a beer?”

“Yes, I’ll take one.” he grabs a beer and opens it. She crosses her legs, and you catch a glimpse of her not wearing any panties. You try not to look at it, but you can’t help but admire her thighs. 

“The pizza is ready.”

“Thanks; actually, do you think it would be better to eat here in the living room since it’s pizza?”

“We could do that,” says IU.

“I’ll help you, Ji-eun,” standing up and helping bring the plates to the living room table. 

With everyone sitting down, you all grab a slice of pizza and a beer and start to eat. You ask Taeyeon about her week and if she’s comfortable as the vocal coach. 

“I like it here; the place is beautiful, the staff is nice, and the trainees are very hardworking.” 

“That’s good to hear. Better than SM, huh.”

“Haha, yeah, it is,” she laughs.

IU mentions that she’s been hearing positive feedback from the trainees ever since she started and congratulated her on a good job. Taeyeon smiles and puts her feet on the couch, giving you a better view of her private area. 

You try not to look, but you can’t help your curiosity and eye her every time she moves her legs. IU notices this and asks, " Taeyeon, would you mind passing me a napkin?”

“Sure,” and she reaches for the napkin, allowing you to get a glimpse of her cleavage under the oversized shirt. IU looks at you and smiles, knowing that the plan is working.

“Like what you, sir?”

You turn around to IU, “What do you mean?”

“I asked if you liked what you saw.”

You see IU’s smile and turn to Taeyeon and see her smile. “What’s going on?”

IU says, “What do you think, sir? She wants you.”

“Is that true?”

“What do you think? I wouldn’t give a show to just anyone,” says Taeyeon.

“Hmm… So the both of you planned this.”

“You catch on quick, sir.”

“Okay, I’ll play your game. Taeyeon, you must be aware of the type of relationship I have with Ji-eun, right?”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Calling her bluff, you stand up, walk towards her, and extend your hand. “Alight, since you want to play, we can go right now.”

“R…right now?” looking at IU, who only smiles.

Knowing what will happen, she takes your hand and follows your lead to one of the bedrooms. The both of you hear a small chuckle from IU, and her saying, “Have fun,” before you close the door.

“You want to play? Let's see if you’re game,” and sit on the one-seater coach in the room. 

Taeyeon stands there, confused about what you mean. “Strip.”

Taeyeon is caught off guard by your command and hesitates. You repeat it once more, “Strip.” Understanding you’re serious; she stands before you crosses her arms, and removes her oversized shirt and then her loose, small shorts. 

In front of you is a completely nude Taeyeon. She has small breasts and a clean, shaven cunt. Without saying a word, you scan her body, from her feet to her head. She turns around and gives you a view of her behind, “Amazing. I can’t believe a member from Girls Generation is standing in front of me, nude.”

You signal her to approach you and say, “Come over here.” You grab both her hands and her right in front of you. You lick your index and middle finger and rub her lower lips. She moans at the sudden touch of your warm fingers against her cold skin. Using your two fingers, you trace and swirl the outside of her lips until you feel her moist. 

You remove your fingers, pull her towards you, and pick her up. She suddenly yelps from being picked up and notices you walking towards the bed. You toss her onto the bed and watch her reaction as you spread her legs wide open, giving you an embarrassed look. She tries to cover her pussy, to which you tease her and say, “I guess you’re all talk and no game,” giving her a smirk. She gets offended and removes her hands out of pride, responding, “I’m not all talk; I can back it up, too.”

“You’re sure about that?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“I’ll give you one last chance to back out.”

“Don’t need it, I can play along.”

“Alright. Let’s play.” 

You remove your shirt and shorts and toss it to the couch. Taeyeon’s heart begins to race as she’s focused on your boxers and sees you pull them down, revealing your semi-hard cock. You pull her towards you and her folds once you say, “You have a really nice pussy right here.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. I can’t wait to fuck you,” grabbing your cock and pressing it against her lower lips. She pushes your cock away and says, “Wait, you’re not going to wear a condom?”

You stop and are surprised by the most ridiculous question and reply, “What do you mean a condom? I only fuck, raw. Why? You don’t want to?”

No, I was just wondering. I heard that it’s important to wear a condom.”

“I check myself regularly, so I’m good. Are you?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Okay, then we’re all good to continue, right?”

“Yeah,” turning her head around and thinking of all the possibilities of fucking without a condom. 

You grab your cock with your right hand and give it a few pumps and press it against her lower lips. You look at Taeyeon and see her face of anticipation, waiting for your next move. With your hardened cock against her entrance, you smack it against her folds right before inserting yourself inside of her. 

Taeyeon groans from the pain of your cock making its way through her tight walls. “Fuck… you’re so tight!” as you shove more of your cock inside her. Due to the pain, Taeyeon grabs onto the bedsheets with all her might. 

Suddenly, Taeyeon screams when you shove your whole length inside of her in one go. “Wait…Wait… pull out, pull out, you’re breaking me!”

Seeing her in pain, you pull out your cock, and caress her cheek, “Are you okay?” Taeyeon replies, “You’re too big; I thought it was going to die. Give me some time to get myself together.”

‘Wait… don’t tell me” as you look down and look at the tip of your cock covered in a thin layer of red. 

She nods her head in tears and says, “Yeah, it’s my first time.” You’re surprised by her comment and would have never known that this would be her first time, but the idea of being her first man makes you hard again. 

You grab a tissue, get yourself cleaned, and reassure Taeyeon that you’ll make it pleasurable. She nods and wipes the tears off her face before you move on to insert yourself once more. 

With your cock at the entrance of her, slowly insert your length; Taeyeon groans from the slight pain in her walls and begins to stretch to their limits, “Ow… you’re still too big.” You get on the bed, get on top of her, and begin to kiss her neck and play with her breast as you move inside of her. 

Taeyeon slowly forgets about the pain and focuses on the pleasure of your kissing and her tits, “Hmm, yeah… that feels good, don’t stop.” You move towards her breast and take her nipple into your mouth as you play with the other. She continues to moan and let free of her nipple and continue to thrust your cock.

Taeyeon wraps her arms around your neck now that she’s comfortable with your length. You increase the pace of your thrusting, causing her to moan and even laugh, “I can’t describe the feeling, but it feels so good!” 

“Just wait, it's going to feel better,” as you place her into a mating press. With her legs pushed back, you do a strong thrust, each other’s pelvis smacking against each other. “How do you like that? Can you feel it deep inside you?”

“Ahh.. yeah, I can feel the difference. My womb is taking the shape of your cock!” Her hands move towards her breast, pinching and twisting her nipples as she feels her orgasm coming. 

Seeing her pleasuring herself, you can’t help but tease her as you focus your focus on her clit. Taeyeon yelps, asking you to stop because she can feel an overwhelming feeling approaching.

Instead, you place it between your thumb and your index finger and give it a nice pinch. This causes Taeyeon to instantly cum, as you feel a rush of fluid covering your cock. You pull out and enjoy the scene of her orgasm as her body violently shakes. You watch as she rides her orgasm and decide to tease her, so you insert your middle finger and begin to thrust inside her cunt. “Don’t… don’t do that, you’re going to make me come! Stop!” It didn’t take her long for her to reach her second orgasm. “Ahh, fuck! I’m cumming!” as a gush of fluid sprays and her body spasms. 

“Wow, I didn’t have to do much. Seems like you don’t relieve yourself often, but that won’t be a problem now that I’m here. You’re going to be a good fucking with me, but now that you had your fun, it’s my turn.”

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“I need to get my fill too, you know.” 

“Please… wait,” not letting her finish her sentence as you insert your cock inside. She throws her head back and screams, “Oh fuck! You’re going to mess me up inside!” Her walls tighten around your cock, not used to having your massive length inside of it. 

“Your walls want to squeeze my cock, fuck you feel so tight.” You start to pump your cock inside her slippery walls, feeling all the grooves and crevices of her meaty flesh. 

You listen to the beautiful sound of Taeyeon’s moaning as you thrust inside of her for what feels like ten minutes. Taeyeon is a complete mess; her hair is ruined, and her body is all sweaty. The tipsy sensation has disappeared, and let her know that you’re about to reach your peak, “Fuck, I’m about to cum.”

“Wait… what did you say?”

“I said I’m about to cum. Where do you want it?”

Puzzled, she tries to come up with an answer, and it is taking longer than what you’re used to. Not wanting to hold it in any longer, you decide where you want to bust your load. Feeling the weird feeling of your cock throbbing your cock she says, “Outside, do it outside,” but it's too late.

The amount of time she wastes on deciding, you end up making the choice for her. You pull your cock out and do one last thrust when you hear her say she wants you to cum outside. Instead, all she hears is, “Fuck! I’m cumming!” Her eyes widen when she hears your comment, and she is bombarded with a large wave of cum flooding her womb. 

She cries, “So hot! Pull out!” That only makes you want to shove your cock in deep and paint her womb white. 

After finishing your orgasm, you notice Taeyeon looking at her bulging belly, filled with your load. You pull out and watch as she presses her fingers on her stomach, causing a large amount of cum to ooze out. “I told you to do it outside.”

“You took too long, so I made a choice. Plus, I normally cum inside of my girls, so there shouldn’t be an issue, right?”

“But I’m not one of your girls. I’m not IU or Irene.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You are not them, but since you took my hand, you’re mine now.” 

“You don’t own me.”

“Haha, says the person with the cum of their boss inside of her.”

She sees your smirk and realizes that you’re right; she does have her belly full of your cum right now. “Don’t smirk.”

“You know, I’m right. How about another round?”

“Another round?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you’re up for it.”

Taeyeon’s pride doesn’t let her back down; she wants to wipe that grin off your face, even if it means going another round. She looks down at you and notices your hardened cock. “Alright, I can do another round.”

“Haha, alright. Let's change the scenery,” as you extend your hand. She takes your hand, and you walk her to the balcony. She looked down and saw the campus and trainees walking in groups back to their dorms after a long Friday night. 

You kiss her nape, which causes her to shiver, and her nipples harden. “Put your hands against the railing.” 

“Why?”

“Don’t worry. Just let me lead, and enjoy.”

“Okay.”

You raise her right leg up in the air, and with your left hand, you position your cock to her entrance. “What are you do… ahhh” as she feels your cock penetrating her cunt once more. The both of you spend the whole night fucking throughout the penthouse, the balcony, living room, kitchen, and shower. Every time you move locations, you make sure to make the two of you get to orgasm. 

————-

Taeyeon wakes up on the bed, looks around, and notices you are gone. She gets up and looks at the many stains throughout the bed, which makes her remember the night she had. She takes a cold shower to wash the stains of fluid on her body, “Ugh… I feel so full.” She presses her stomach and notices a white cream liquid oozing out of her. Pressing her belly harder, a gush of cum squirts out, covering the shower floor cum, “Fuck…that’s too much.” 

After her shower, she changed into her clothes and walked out to see you in the living room, reading a newspaper. She walks towards you, “Good morning,” to which you reply, Good Morning, Taeyeon.”

As she walks towards the kitchen, she turns around to ask if she could grab something to eat when she sees IU on her knees. “Ji-eun! What are you doing?” 

IU turns around with a smile on her face and replies, “Good Morning, Unnie. I made breakfast, by the way.” 

“Why are you going down on him?”

“Oh, I’m having breakfast too. Want some?” as she holds your cock in her hand. 

“No!”

“Come on, it's good.”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

She looks at her friend’s satisfied face and remembers the videos she has masturbated to before. She looks at you and back at her, giving her a reply.

You woke up this Saturday morning full of energy. After going on a run early in the morning, you return and enjoy the breakfast your assistant, IU, made for you. You give her a treat as a reward for a job well done. 

You turn, you’re done reading your newspaper, set it on the table, and enjoy the sight in front of you. “It’s nice to see two friends sharing a meal together,” you say with a slight grin.

[b0r3dtod3ath]

"Cause I <3 you, you’re the one that I adore :)"

Formula 1 masterlist

Word count: 1.4k

Summary: Assistant!reader x rdr!seb. Based on this request. Set during the 2012 season.

A/N: I know a few people wanted me to write this trope so here it is :) Also this fic is loosely inspired by BBM baby by Lana Del Rey.

“Yea, I still don’t understand why I need an assistant” Well this sentence certainly didn’t calm your anxiety as you were sitting on a chair, staring at the door. You were supposed to meet your boss, well not really a boss but a person you were supposed to help. He wasn’t just a random person, he was Sebastian Vettel, two-time world champion in Formula 1. You were a fan of this sport so when an opportunity for you to work in that field appeared, you took it without thinking twice. Maybe you weren’t one of the most important employees on the paddock nonetheless you still got to travel the world and be a part of every race week. “Sebastian, you were late for the last three meetings. I can’t be looking after you all the time.” a female voice said. You recognized it - it was Sebastian’s press officer. She was a lovely lady. You got to meet her because she was the one recruiting you. “So you are really getting me a babysitter?” huffed the driver. The door in front of you opened causing you to jump from your seat and put on a smile. “Hi! Nice to see you again! Come on in!” said the lady. As you walked in a tall, blonde boy sat up and introduced himself “Sebastian Vettel. You can call me Seb. Nice to meet you.” The eye contact made your cheeks heat up a little “Y/N Y/L/N, pleasure working with you”. As you sat down you heard Sebastian whisper a quiet “It sure is” under his nose.

You came up with the idea of a maximum of 10-minute long meetings after breakfast during the race weekend. They were meant for you to give Seb a quick overview for the day - what is he doing at what time. You were sitting at the hotel’s restaurant, waiting for him to show up, you didn’t expect him to show up on time but he barely managed to. “Hi, sorry. I hope you didn’t wait long” he said as he sat opposite to you. “Good morning, I’m fine, you are on time actually” you greeted him with a smile, chuckling at his messy bed hair. “So today you are supposed to first meet your physiotherapist and then” you were interrupted by sniffling. Probably a morning runny nose. You grabbed your small purse and handed a tissue to the man. “Thank you” he said, surprised that you noticed. “So then you have a first practice session at 1PM and..” - you quickly went over what was planned for the day “Alright, any questions? If you really want to move some meetings then let me know and I will try to figure out something. I’m leaving this paper for you to know what’s going on and I think that’s it.” you handed him a post-it note with everything neatly written. Cute writing he thought as he looked at it "There's also my number if you need something and I happen not to be around”. Oh yea, he was definitely gonna use this one. 

After a few races, you started developing a more casual relationship - it could even be called a friendship. The chemistry never left working hours. You didn’t understand why but it bothered you. Well, you noticed some signals - butterflies in your stomach appearing when you two held eye contact for more than a second, your heart skipping a beat when you accidentally touch or the heat rising to your cheeks every time he calls you by your nickname. You were a walking symptom of having a crush and yet you denied it. “I’m working for him, of course, we have to be nice to each other! He’s like that to every female reporter, a cheeky little bastard.” or “It’s his job to treat me nice.” you used to tell your friend on a phone, whispering as if Sebastian was to hear you. Little did you know, he has in fact changed his behavior towards women once you appeared in his life, he started being less flirty and reckless but not in terms of you. He would never tell you to do anything for him because it felt weird to him. At first, you were looking after him like he was a child - checking in if he was hungry or if he needed water. He never complained about being looked after because he found it comforting. He felt like you were truly caring for him, a feeling that he hadn’t felt in years due to his lifestyle. 

You would never call him unless he was late. Sebastian was in his hotel room, sprawled out on the bed, head with messy blonde hair buried in pillows. His peaceful sleep was interrupted by the sound of his ringtone. “Huh?” his eyes still closed “Seb, you were supposed to text me when you wake up so you won’t be late again. Please tell me you got up” your voice was a sound he wished to wake up for the rest of his life “Mrrh Dreaming? An angel called me?” he said half awake completely ignoring your tone “Great, amazing even. Vettel, wake up. I’m gonna come to your room in 10 minutes and please cooperate”. Even though you were the same age you sometimes felt like you were babysitting him. Sebastian obeyed you and got dressed. He liked to annoy you a bit but he would be cautious not to cause you too much trouble. You knocked on his door not expecting him to be ready. To your surprise, you were greeted by a fully dressed Sebastian holding his toothbrush. He gestured to you to come in. You have never been to his hotel room so it a bit personal. You stood in the middle of the room not knowing what to do. Your eyes wandered around the room which looked more neat than you expected - no clothes laying around and only his phone and a half-empty water bottle on his nightstand but the bed looked like a mess and you couldn’t judge him, after all he did wake up less than ten minutes before. The bathroom door was opened so you were able to observe him brushing his teeth. It was a thing he did everyday (even more than once!) yet it felt almost intimate. “Okay, let’s go” he said with a big smile once he finished and held the door for you. You were heading for a team meeting that you were also a part of. Your role there was to take notes that were handed to the driver later. Sebastian couldn’t take his eyes off you, sitting next to him as you wrote something important that he didn’t even hear. He loved to watch you in this state where you were so focused you barely paid attention to anything else. He loved the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear or play with a pen anytime there was something not worth writing down discussed. When the meeting was over you handed him the paper, he didn’t even look at it but the thing that caught his attention was your dress. It wasn’t revealing or stereotypically sexy - little flowers on a navy background, short sleeves and knee length just suited your personality in his mind. “Nice dress” he said, catching you off guard as you were saying your goodbyes. This weekend Sebastian finished P1 getting closer and closer to his next world champion title.

Next weekend was the last weekend before the summer break. Even though you had lost your hope in terms of your emotions towards Sebastian there was a little part of you that still wished that he would make some kind of a move. It was Saturday night, you had already showered and got yourself ready to bed. You heard a notification and looked at the screen of your phone. “I’m outside your door. Wanna talk to you. XOXO, Seb :)”. He himself didn’t know why he ended the text like that. He was just nervous and high on adrenaline. The message was followed by three gentle knocks on your door. You let Sebastian in and before you could say anything he grabbed your hands and said “I, I I think I love you. For the past few months you had been my sunshine. You make me happier. I adore everything about you, every single little detail. Please make me an even happier man and let me take you out for dinner. And wear that dress you wore last week."

[pocketramblr]

AU where Hisashi calls Izuku regularly while he works overseas and one day Hisashi tells Izuku about his new boyfriend who is very sweet to him and unfortunately got into a bad accident many years ago that left him disabled so Hisashi helps care for him.Izuku later finds out this boyfriend is AFO.

why would you leave inko for afo. 'hold on yeah i think i'll leave this priceless bahia emerald and skip town and then i found a broken piece of chalk instead.' my guy. you deserve all might stealing your son.

1- ok so. Hisashi is an accountant who moves to new york to make more money. He and inko officially divorce, which means Izuku takes the Midoriya name and Inko has sole custody, but while Hisashi does not have to pay child support or alimony, he does opt to send them some support and tries to stay in contact because i guess his taste in men was so bad that he and inko just work better as friends. good for them ig.

2- actually Hisashi is just straight up color-blind: he can't see any red flags. Its not just his personal tastes. this man has worked for four separate blatant money laundering schemes since he went abroad. he has no clue. this is how he ends up coming into contact with AfO, but AfO's job offering is too indirect and vague, and Hisashi is like 'are you... flirting with me?' instead, but AfO can work with that. And while Hisashi certainly isn't a genius with people or warning signs, i will give him (and inko) this: he's a great lay.

3- He's also a very caring boyfriend, which was part of the problem with inko, they ended up really inciting each other's anxieties, but AfO likes being pampered so he decides to keep Hisashi around even if he isn't a employee. even better really, that he doesn't have to pay, bribe, quirkify, dequirkify, or threaten him. Hisashi, as a bit of a doting boyfriend, also has a lot to say about the man to others, so Izuku ends up hearing a lot of gushing over the phone as he's training with weights and is a bit too out of breath to change the topic. plus, he doesn't want to bring up going to UA until its a sure thing, his dad will definitely freak out about it not being safe. finally he tells his dad he got in, and hisashi is like 'oh yeah, cuz they changed the rules, which track?' and izuku goes 'oh uh hero track and alsoihaveaquirknowitscalledsuperpower oh look at that moms calling me for dinner sorry bye.'

4. Dazed, Hisashi gushes about his son to his boyfriend later, dropping that izuku's going to become a hero at ua, what a surprise- but, well, he supposes his son has always loved to watch heroes...

AfO is like 'hm. being a hero isn't very safe...' ('i know...') 'why don't you try to push him to visit you? keep him safe. maybe in a safe. don't you just wanna keep a hold of him?' ("i do, but that'll only drive him away. he's growing up... besides, if i was busy only keeping watch over him, who'd take care of you?") 'mm, good point. keep prioritizing me, i will neither put a hit on the kid as competition nor do anything to keep him safer.'

5. Reveal... uh yeah so Hisashi does mention to Izuku when his boyfriend goes missing, sometimes he gets called to work suddenly but he's never been gone this long, he's worried, is he restocking his meds, where is he? oh yeah, he vanished around Kamino. unfortunate, but not incriminating on its own. What IS incriminating is rewound!AfO, looking at Izuku with a tilted head. "I can see bits of Hisashi in you, hm. Just the worst bits, luckily." Izuku starts realizing what this means. Bakugo distracts him and blasts him to the Shigaraki fight, because he also started to realize what it meant and simply did not want to deal with hearing anymore of that. Over at the ShigarAfO fight, AfO tries to keep throwing Izuku (and tomura) off their game by wondering if Hisashi will find this new, younger body nice as well- probably, its not like the man had the highest standards. Izuku and Tomura are united in such abosolute done-ness with AfO that he's immediately snuffed out of Tomura's head and nothing remains behind. Tomura is like 'uh, do you want a day's break and then a rematch because i need to bleach my brain' but izuku is like 'oh no i need to punch someone through a mountain rn, lets keep going while i reform you with the power of friendship and incredible violence.' (By unspoken agreement, neither Izuku, Bakugo, or Tomura ever breathe a word about it to anyone, much less to Hisashi.)

[barbiewritesstuff]

Strauss blocked : Part 1

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Am I bad at naming fics? Yes.

Welp this was supposed to be a 2k porn without plot and it turned into 8k words two part series... oops? I just hope it lives up to expectations :)

I just want to thank my bestie @Igg5989 for beta reading (and helping me write) and @ravensmadreads for giving me the inspiration fir this fic.

Tw: this is SMUT, IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 GTFO I DON'T WANT YOU HERE OR ANYWHERE NEAR MY BLOG. Age gap relationship, boss x employee relationship, p in v sex and all that good stuff

Taglist: @feedthemadness-sweetie

---

Section Chief Strauss was many things but when it came to working cases on the field, efficient was not one of them. She had tagged along under the excuse of performing personal performance reviews, assuring the team that she would not be getting in the way. She promised she’d merely be a ‘silent observer’ and to her credit, she had lasted an hour in that role before interjecting in every conversation and second guessing every decision any of you ever made, and because she outranked you all, her will was your command. 

“I think she showed remarkable restraint,” Spencer joked, trying to lighten your souring mood, “I didn’t think she’d last an hour,” he added.

“Did she really have to pull rank when I tried to order breakfast? Like why does she care that I like syrup on my french toast?” you asked, sudden rage exploding out of you with an intensity Spencer could never have predicted, “No, apparently ‘Girls my age won’t be thin and pretty forever, I should watch my diet before my sugar intake starts affecting things’. What a fucking bitch.”

Spencer flinched, “Yikes, I didn’t think she actually said that. I thought you were exaggerating,” he admitted.

“I didn’t even paraphrase,” you replied, looking straight ahead at the investigation board. It had been filled up pretty nicely and evidence has been coming in, but despite knowing all there is to know about the victims, their habits, friends, families and lives, you were not even close to figuring out who he is. 

And that was largely because Section Chief Erin Strauss wouldn’t let you. 

Somehow, she thought that because she couldn’t stand crime scenes and dead bodies, you couldn’t either. It was true that the crime scenes are brutal, and even Morgan came back looking a little greener than when he left, but this was your job. A job she wanted to review your performance for all while not actually letting you out of the station. 

You thought maybe it was because you’re a girl. The only girl currently on the field team because Emily broke her foot and JJ was off for her annual holiday and while Garcia was your constant companion on the phone, you felt like Strauss didn’t actually realise she was a real person. She never said thanks, or please and she kept hanging up while Penelope was still speaking. You took a deep breath, if you weren't careful soon enough you’d be the one they’d have to put behind bars. Or not, because with the way she was behaving you had a feeling Aaron wouldn’t mind giving you a couple of false alibis.

Because as bad as she was with you, she was worse with him. 

He was a good chief, kind and caring when he needed to be but professional and just the right kind of demanding. A few years ago you’d have added a couple more flaws to that descriptions -- bully, drill sergeant, the kind of man who found it easier to trust men than women even if there’s no reason for it -- but he’d grown on you. Your relationship with him has changed. At first he was just a boss, someone you’d go home and complain to your boyfriend about. Then, when Haley asked for a divorce and you got out of your own relationship after finding out your boyfriend wasn’t half as nice as you thought he was, you became friends.

And recently it had changed again. 

You had finally managed to schedule a night out with the girls after unsuccessfully trying to find a date for the seventh time that month. It had been fun, you had all danced, drunk and chatted until the early hours of the morning before calling it quits and returning home. Which is where you had been when Hotch happened to be walking by, or rather, you had been in front of your home when he happened to be walking by. You almost didn’t recognise him, he had shed the usual work suit for a casual pair of jeans and a nice shirt. 

“Hi,” he said, clearly not expecting to see anyone he knew so late -- or early -- in the day.

“Hi,” you replied hesistantly, not wanting to betray just how tipsy you were even as you swayed by your door

“You okay?” he asked, “Not too cold?” he added, helpfully pointing towards your dress. You looked down to see what you meant. Looking to have a good time and maybe bring someone home, you hadn’t dressed particularly sensibly for the time of year. In fact, you had chosen the shortest dress you owned, a golden number that showed off plenty of cleavage and left nothing to the imagination. 

You looked up, horrified to see him smirking.

“I -- err -- I locked myself out,” you said, hoping to get yourself out of that awkward moment by changing the subject.

“I don’t live too far away, you can sleep over. We’ll call a locksmith in the morning,” he offered.

“It’s okay,” you assured him.

Hotch frowned at you, “I’m not having you become one of those girls on Dateline,” he countered. You knew he wouldn’t force you, but if you refused his offer, you would officially kiss a night in a nice warm house goodbye as your only other option was your car. 

“Fine,” you acquiesced. He shot you one of his rare smiles, one of the ones that lit up his own face and that made the usual ball of nerves you felt in your stomach at the sight of one of the FBI higher ups turn into a horde of fluttering butterflies. He didn’t usually give them out easily and you wondered if this one was aided by alcohol. As you approached him, your theory was confirmed. Beneath his nice aftershave and his usually minty breath you could vaguely smell whiskey. Your drunken brain stored that fact for the next office secret santa, you just had to rig it so you’d pull his name. 

“Date?” Hotch asked after a few moments of silence, the click of your heels against pavement echoing through the night.

“Just out with friends,” you replied, accidentally bumping into him as you walked.

“Me too,” he said, “College reunion.”

It felt weird having him volunteer that much information. Aaron Hotchner was the kind of man who liked to keep his work and home life separated and rarely ever let anyone in. Letting the team in on details of his divorce had been as hard and painful as the divorce itself so you never imagined he’d happily volunteer information about what he did in his spare time. 

“I had too much to drink,” he added in a whisper, like it was a confession, “I get chatty when I drink,” he grinned at you. 

“I can see that,” you giggled at him. You hadn’t meant it in any other way than a statement but Hotch grew serious anyway.

“You can tell me to shut up if I annoy you,” he said, looking at the pavement. 

“No I--” you protested, part of you wondering if the reason he kept quiet wasn’t because of professionalism but rather because he thought people wouldn’t care

“I like chatty you,” you said and he looked up, smiling at you for the second time in twenty minutes, “I also like smiley you,” you added.

“Did you have fun?” you asked a little later, for some reason, silence with Hotch now felt opressive.

“It was nice seeing them all. It’s weird though, they’ve all changed so much that I barely recognise them. Like, I look in the mirror and I think I look pretty much the same, I mean older obviously, but like I look the same,” he said, “and then I look at them and --” he brought his hands up to his head and mimicked an explosion, “I haven’t missed them though,” he added with a giggle.

“No?” You questioned, looking at him curiously. 

“God, no. Pretentious assholes,” he replied with a heavy sigh. 

“Sweetie, you went to George Washington University,” you laughed, “Of course they’re all pretentious.”

“Fair point, Agent,” he smiled. 

“Y/n,” you corrected, “My name is Y/n when we’re off the clock.” 

“And mine is Aaron,” he replied

“Well, Aaron, can you tell me how far away we are from yours? My feet are killing me,” 

“Not too far,” he replied, “Do you see your college friends often?”

“Not the majority of them. We keep in contact, call sometimes but there’s only five I see regularly. They’re the girls I went out with,” you informed him. 

“Are they nice?” He asked, “My bunch are…,” he hesitated, “They keep making these underhand digs at those who they see as less successful. I don’t think I’ll go to the next one. It just feels like a dick measuring contest,” he said, then clapped a hand in front of his mouth once he heard you laugh and realised he had sworn, “Sorry,” he apologised, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m trying not to swear because Jack is picking up on it. It’s not going great I keep fucking it up -- no wait! Shit! -- No! Fuck!” he exclaimed, accidentally letting out a swear whenever he realised what he had done. You couldn’t stop laughing and stopped for a moment, leaning against a tree to catch your breath. 

“I am polite,” he assured you, “pinky promise,” he added

“I believe you,” you grinned

“I am so polite that when I get home, I am going to offer you a coffee,” he said. 

“And I will accept,” you said, “I need to sober up, otherwise I’m going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. And believe me, you don’t want to meet me when I’m hungover.”

“Eh,” he shrugged, “You’re young, it’ll pass quickly. I remember when I was your age, a hangover was just a headache, now? I have to take a sick day to recover.”

“Aren’t you exaggerating a little?” you asked

“Never,” he grinned, “Okay, maybe a little.”

“You are allowed to take days off, Aaron,” you reminded him, “You’re human, you deserve a break.”

He shrugged again, “What would I do during a break? Haley has divorced me, Jack’s only here one week every other week… I don’t want to spend more time in my empty house than I need.”

“You can go to the movies?” you offered, “Have you seen Avatar?”

“Can I be honest?” he asked, “Those blue people creep me out.”

“That is fair,” you replied, “I don’t like the hair,” 

“Yes!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in victory, “They look like elephant trunks,” he added, “My house is there,” Hotch pointed to your left at a small white brick house. One that you had passed many times when you walked your elderly neighbour’s dog. Hotch opened the wooden gate and walked up the path, accidentally tripping on a badly placed stone.

“Watch your step,” he whispered to you. Clumsily, he fished his keys out of his pocket and tried to fit it in the door in the limited light of the porch lamp. Eventually, he got it in and turned it in the lock. It opened with a click. 

“It’s nice,” you said, stepping in behind him

“Liar,” he answered, flicking the light on, “It’s dark. Was. It isn’t anymore.”

“Well it’s nice anyway,” you said, looking around. Although the furniture looked old, it was nice and it looked expensive. On one of the rare nights you had gone on as a team, Hotch had mentioned briefly living alone in Seattle when discussing rent with Emily, and you wondered if this wasn’t one of the remnants of that time. 

“Do beer goggles work on furniture too?” he joked. You stuck out your tongue at him and he grinned. 

“I thought you were polite?” you said, reminding him of his promise.

“Right! Yes! Would you like a coffee?”

“Milk and sugar please,” you answered, trying to undo the straps of your shoes and failing, wiggling your feet out of the heels instead. You’d figure out how to unclasp the buckle in the morning, when you were sober and your feet were killing you less. 

“Do you like DC?” he asked, handing you a steaming mug of coffee a few minutes later. You nodded, taking a sip, burning your lip in the process. Hotch saw you wince and bring a hand up to your mouth and immediately moved to your rescue.

“I am such an idiot,” you said.

“Don’t say that,” he frowned, grabbing your hand by the wrist and moving it away from your lip, “Let me see.”

He leant towards you, staring intently at your mouth. Your head swam more with every second he spent close to you. At work it was easy to keep your all consuming attraction to Aaron Hotchner at bay. He was your boss and maintained a professional distance at all times, preferring to call you Agent, and never asking anything for information about you beyond what he needed to know to feel like you could do the job. But with him so close to you, it was easy to allow yourself to close the gap between your mouths and kiss him.

To your surprise, he returned the kiss eagerly, slipping his tongue into your mouth and battling yours for dominance before seemingly regaining his composure and pulling away.

“We should stop,” he said, then, he hesitated, “Should we stop?”

“No, definitely not,” you answered, pulling him back towards you. Seemingly convinced, Aaron let his hands wander over your body before tapping the side of your thigh. Almost automatically, you jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist and rolled your hips against yours. Hotch groaned, blindly stumbling his way towards the sofa where he placed you down on your back. He joined you on the pleather furniture, towering over you with a mischievous grin as he removed his shirt in one smooth movement and unbuckled his belt. 

“Like what you see?” he asked and you gulped. Although you had spent much of your private time imagining what Hotch looked like without a shirt you had never managed to get it right. His soft but toned dad bod seemed even more attractive in person. You raised one of your hands up in the air, gently grazing his skin and tangling your fingers in his chest hair, Hotch closed his eyes and sighed.

“Care to undress me?” you asked, Aaron’s eyes fluttered open as he came back to reality. He looked at you, eager and impatient underneath him and he smiled. He bent down, grabbing your dress by the hem. You lifted your waist up and allowed him to shuffle it upwards, slowly revealing what you kept underneath. 

You silently thanked yourself for wearing nice underwear, because you wouldn’t have wanted to subject Hotch to the panties you usually wore for work. Instead, you had chosen a pretty lavender set comprised of a bralette and a thong, which Aaron seemed very pleased with as once his eyes landed on it, he seemed unable to think rationally, luckily for you, the animalistic part of the brain the lingerie had turned on seemed more than happy to take over. 

Hotch pulled off your thong and shed his trousers and boxer shorts in less time than it took for you to blink. Seeing his erection jump free of his underwear and bump against his pelvis was enough to tell you that Aaron would be bigger than any man you had ever been with. You hesitated for a second, wondering how he would ever fit.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked but you shook your head, shuffling more towards him instead to make the message clearer, “I’ll be gentle,” he assured you. 

One of his hands came to touch your core, gently grazing the sensitive skin before allowing his thumb to rest by your clit. He rubbed circles around it, enjoying every whimper you let out before giving you what you wanted and rubbing your bundle of nerves. The moans that fell from your lips were like music to his ears. He desperately wanted to fit himself inside you, but he wanted to make sure you were ready for him. 

He rubbed you faster, with every touch you could feel the coil of pleasure in your tummy tighten and soon you tipped over the edge and came with a pornographic moan. Exercising all self control, Aaron brough a hand to his cock and jerked it a few times, letting the fingers of his other hand wander down to your aching core. He slipped one finger in, savouring just how tight you were before adding another one. He pumped them in and out of you, stretching you out, adding fingers until he felt you were ready for him. 

Hotch lined himself up with your pussy, gently pressing himself in. You happily swallowed every inch of him and when he bottomed out, he let you adjust for a moment before thrusting himself in and out of you at an accelerating pace. You felt like heaven gripping him so tight that he was sure he wouldn’t last very long. Luckily for him, it didn’t seem like you would either. 

Your hands were clawing at his back, leaving scratch marks that stung deliciously every time Aaron hit that spongey spot inside you, and your moans kept getting louder, spurring him on as he bottomed out and slammed himself back in until he could no longer keep himself from coming. With a groan he spilled himself inside you, triggering your own orgasm. 

You stayed in each other’s arms for a few moments, catching your breaths before Aaron pulled out of you. He smiled at you, leaning down to leave one last kiss upon your swollen lips, leaving your relationship forever changed. 

Part of you wondered if anything had leaked. The both of you had been careful not to speak about it, in private or in public, but you worked with the best profilers the United States had to offer. It was possible someone had figured something out. Or, although you didn’t think she ever would, that Garcia had accidentally seen or heard something she never should have. Hotch wasn’t particularly careful with electronics. They were either in his suit pocket or in the back pocket of his trousers, it had never happened, but what if he had butt dialled someone? 

Although, you figured that was unlikely, since Strauss wouldn’t have come if she had any evidence at all, she would have just fired you. But it did explain why she insisted on sticking with you at all times, or why she had demanded a room right above Hotch’s, even though the hotel clerk, clearly wanting to impress the FBI’s section chief, had confessed to her that the room wasn’t all that soundproof. 

No, sadly, the more likely explanation for her overbearing presence was that she hated the team and how it was run. She thought it was too disorganised, too sloppy, and that its subpar running posed a threat to the FBI. You had to roll your eyes at that, you had been in many departments, working as an intern, then a secretary and eventually a full time salaried employee. You had seen more of the FBI than Strauss ever would, and you could say with absolute certainty that the BAU was the only team you had been a part of who ever filed their paperwork on time. Sure, most of the agents had a smidge of a hero complex and were far too eager to place themselves in danger when it came to unsubs, but the cases got cracked. The bad guys got caught. Reports got written and overtime filed.

And yet, she still insisted on making everything difficult. Quantico and the bullpen provided a little protection against her, you could always duck into a cubicle, blame your inability to speak with her on an ever climbing pile of paperwork -- even if you sometimes pulled empty sheets of paper out of the printer to bulk it up a little when it got a little too bare, a technique you had learnt from Rossi and that you had very quickly shared with the rest of the team. Only Aaron, the only agent whose pile was constituted only of real case files and documents wasn’t participating in the charade -- or simply pick the case the state furthest away from Strauss to escape her grip. 

Maybe she had gotten wide to the ruse and wanted to make you pay for it now. 

----

“Not feeling chatty?” Morgan asked the girl. She hadn’t spoken since Hotch and Spencer had apprehended her coming out of a potential victim’s back garden, red paint splashed all over her clothes. Once she was in cuffs and backup arrived, a message had been uncovered, the same message all the other girls had found and reported days before their untimely deaths. It wasn’t uncommon for unsubs to refuse to talk, although most of them at least demanded a lawyer or answered ‘no comment’ after every question. 

Avery Watts had been utterly silent since her arrival twenty minutes ago, and she hadn’t moved or blinked either. It was eerie, and Morgan was feeling it too. He was trying his best not to show it, but he kept glancing at the two way glass every few seconds, almost trying to reassure himself that if anything went wrong, someone would be able to help. He needn’t have worried. Spencer and you had made your way into the observational cubicle adjoining the interrogation room as soon as she had been brought in and you had been joined seconds later by Strauss, hot on your trail, and a rookie officer up for a promotion in a month and eager to learn. 

Avery shrugged

“Fine, I suggest you make yourself comfortable here then. We’ll be back tomorrow,” Morgan said, standing up from his chair and pushing it back underneath the table. Hotch gathered the papers in front of the unsub and placed them all back into his briefcase, leaving the pictures of the various crime scenes and victims last so she could get one last good look and one last chance for you to notice a reaction but none came. Instead, she grinned at Hotch.

“You don’t have any evidence against me,” the girl said, voice raspy from disuse, “You have to let me go.”

“I don’t need evidence,” Hotch replied, looking her straight in the eyes, “I can hold you for 72 hours without cause,” he added, wiping her self-satisfied little smile right off of her face, “And I will.”

Strauss pressed the comms button on the panel in front of you with a neatly manicured nail, “I really don’t think that is a good idea,” she said, sounding so confident in her own non-existent ability that you almost wanted to scream. You held it in, preferring to glare at her instead. Spencer, who had slowly moved to stand next to you -- whether that was to get a better look or to stop you from throwing your career down the drain you didn’t know -- grabbed your arm and squeezed it reassuringly. 

You smiled at him tensely and he returned the gesture. You were the two youngest members of the BAU task force and while a friendship was always bound to form, no one had been able to predict just how quickly the two of you had clicked. He was the resident genius, the model for the definition of a nerd and you were the ex-prom queen and cheerleading captain everyone at your school had voted ‘Most Likely to sell their soul for lipstick’, if either of you had been any less mature, the friendship would never have worked but as it was, there wasn’t a single day where you didn’t text, call, email or meet up for coffee with Spencer Reid. He was charming and kind, and a better friend than anyone else in your life had ever been. 

“Breathe,” he mouthed but you didn’t catch it, behind the two way glass Hotch moved. He placed the briefcase on the floor and walked up to the mirror.

“I am not letting her back onto the streets,” Hotch stated. As soon as the words left his mouth, the unsub moved. With surprising force, she flipped the interrogation table, breaking the cuffs off of the metal loop screwed onto the bottom of it and rearranged the piece of furniture right on top of SSA Hotchner’s trachea. She leaned in, pressing harder. Reflexively, Aaron tried to breathe in, letting out a raspy sound that raised the hair on your arms. 

You were the first to fly out of the cubicle and into the interrogation room, gun drawn and ready to shoot but when you kicked down the door, Avery moved away from the overturned table, hands raised up in surrender. Spencer came in behind you and immediately jumped to Hotch’s aid while the rookie stayed by the door, gun pointed at Avery, blocking her path in case she tried to leave, and blocking Strauss’ path in case she wanted to come in. You put your gun away and pulled out your cuffs, with a swift press of your foot to the back of her knees you got Avery down to the ground and restrained her. 

“Stay down,” Spencer told Hotch, one hand planted on the upper part of his chest, trying to keep the man from moving, “MEDIC,” he shouted. The rookie officer turned around and booked it through various corridors to get to the main office of the Santa Maria police department. Main office was a big word, only three officers operated the three shifts the day was separated into, with a volunteer officer coming in whenever the grocery store he worked for didn’t need him. The FBI’s presence had changed things a little, the BAU’s team of four and one or two medics permanently assisting the team dwarfing the police force without even really trying. It was lucky the police station had been built by an optimist in the late forties, as they had prepared for a mining boom that had never come and made the precinct much bigger than necessary. So big in fact, that half the rooms remained unused and only three of the twelve holding cells had ever been used at the same time. 

Officer Jones, the rookie whose name badge you finally took the time to look at, came back five minutes later, medics and Rossi in tow. They crowded around Hotch as he slowly regained the ability to breathe and then speak. You wanted to stay, seeing him hurt like that roused feelings in you you usually tried so hard to keep down, but Avery stirred and you suddenly remembered the reason Aaron was currently on the floor, recovering from the unsub’s idea of feng shui. You yanked her up and she yelped, feeling a slight bit of vindication you passed Rossi. He grabbed her other hand and helped you manhandle her down the hall into a badly lit holding cell. A ‘bed’ had been prepared, made from a thin mattress, a pillow and a scratchy blanket, and whoever had prepped the room had had the forethought to bring out a plastic cup of water. You walked her into the cell and uncuffed her. Avery glared at you in a way that told you that if looks could kill, you would have been the newest victims in her growing group. You turned around, walking out of the room as Rossi locked it. He turned away, but a strange sound resonated through the air and the both of you froze. Suddenly, you were showered with something cold and wet and Avery cackled, the plastic cup rolling out from under her cell. 

[californiaquail]

i have to bitch about my stupid fucking workplace or i'll die

ok i had a hot second where i thought it was getting better and i might be able to stick it out for long enough to not look terrible on my resume but then today my boss snapped SO hard at me literally just for doing my job and it almost made me cry. he usually has a huge stick up his ass about getting to people very promptly so when somebody pulled up outside who he needed to talk to my coworker said "oh go let him know mrs so and so is here" so i went over and he happened to be talking to his office manager whose dog has pancreatitis so i waited for a pause in the conversation and then said "mrs so and so is outside" and he was like "yeah i'll GET to it when i'm DONE with this" in such a forceful and bitchy tone that it made me physically recoil and say "ok just letting you know!" in a much nicer tone than i needed to and then i was struggling not to cry for the next 30 minutes for the crime of doing what i was told.

FURTHERMORE someone who previously held my position dropped her cat off today and they were all shit talking her behind her back and i've literally never heard them talk about previous assistants in any other way like it's always oh she was dumb oh she was such a know it all oh he hated her. i said "oh she seemed nice when i talked to her" because she was and my coworker was like "well when i came back to this job after taking a break he told me i had two jobs; to help [other tech] and get rid of her." so apparently this asshole literally will not just say it to the faces of his employees and just psychologically tortures them into quitting which really makes me think he's trying to do the same to me which is a realization i had many weeks ago but i was trying to believe i was making it up because i'm insane but i guess i'm NOT. to make this situation better one of the (two) techs is leaving after this week to go back to school and the other one doesn't work on fridays so i'm about to be the ONLY person to do all the animal restraining shit cleaning medical note taking prescription filling etc and his office manager leaves after 1 so phone calls after that too. for a man who openly dislikes me and does not speak to me at all if he doesn't have to. i asked the tech who's not leaving for advice and she said yeah have everything you can ready because as you can see he does as little work as possible. and i was like oh so we're all seeing that and you're just letting yourselves get walked all over and doing all of the work for him ok. then she reiterated what i already knew about not letting him see me not doing anything. then she told me "just pick up the phone and don't wait for someone to tell you you can" whole time i was never actually told that i'm supposed to be picking up phone calls i just started doing it when they weren't available because they told me to but i'm frequently unable to answer people's questions because i Just Fucking Started and i've never worked in a vet clinic before. and then i'm made to feel like i'm obnoxious for not knowing things and asking questions. if you are having issues with your employees being know it alls maybe you should stop making them feel like shit for not knowing things? also it is SO fucking bold of him to treat me like shit on his shoe when i am as mentioned about to be the only fucking person on fridays and one of two people the rest of the week. if you want me to quit so bad say it to my fucking face like a goddamn adult and clean the dog shit your damn self or make your poor office manager do it since you won't deign to do normal animal care tasks. he doesn't even have any fucking job postings up even though he's supposedly soooo short staffed (he is obviously but maybe he just doesn't care because he never does any of the work) and i know because i'm on all the job groups and on craigslist and indeed etc all the time because i hate this damn job and want one where everyone doesn't dislike me.

TO BE CLEAR i have been doing my level best this whole time despite being suicidally depressed (largely from this stupid fucking job) and exhausted from having to get up at 6:20 am to catch the bus, i have done everything i've been told to do to the best of my ability without complaining even shit like scrubbing the dead dog freezer or cleaning and reorganizing random ancient stuff no one has thought about in ten years or pointlessly cleaning things that aren't dirty just to look busy, i am always professional and polite to clients and my coworkers, i am often the first person there in the mornings and the last to clock out, i never bother him with questions because i learned very quickly he somehow doesn't have the answers to anything practical about how his business runs because he's comfortable being tech illiterate and making other people do it for him. as far as i can tell his dislike of me is literally just because i have god awful auditory processing so it takes me a while to understand verbal instructions and i have to ask people to say things again or repeat things back a lot. like he literally hates me for the crime of being a little slow and ? not automatically knowing ten million highly specific to this job and clinic things? i get paid $18/hr my rent for my room with my obnoxious preachy landlord costs WELL over half my paycheck i get absolutely no benefits i didn't even receive a contract or any kind of legal forms except a w2. broadly speaking i would consider myself a pretty patient person but now i'm just deeply pissed off and fucking broke on top of it. i think i'm going to give it one or two fridays to see how bad it really is and if it's as bad as i'm anticipating it would be generous of me to give two weeks' notice. and then does anyone think it would be detrimental to acquiring future jobs if i were to work in the weed industry? i can't tell if it would look bad to non weed employers but there's a listing for greenhouse people which i think sounds awesome. if you read this whole thing we will have an autumn wedding

[raccoonscupoftea]

🍙 In love with Food

Timeskip!Osamu X Y/n

Summary: You had a date scheduled, but life was being life again.

Warnings: slight angst, fluff, shitty day, shitty boss, uh swearing, grammar mistakes cause english is not my first language, food

| MASTERLIST | REQUEST INFO |

//----//----//----//

As you woke up from a nice deep slumber, you were happy, exited even, because there was a date waiting for you after work. you were happy while showering, happy while eating, happy while talking, heck even happy while working. It's been ages since your last date and this new one brought back old feelings of a high school crush.

Even you're work bestie was happy for you to see such a big smile on you. She complimented you back and forth "Happiness looks good on you" "It's like staring into the sun" or "Keep that smile going. You look stunning" were her go to compliments. True a great day so far.

Until your boss came along.

"Miss L/n, nice to see you smile, but care to explain to me what this is"

He slammed down a file, opened it and pointed to a specific spot. As you looked on it you recognised the paper and there was a huge mistake on it. One which you made. To your defense it was late, you worked longer than anticipated and was tired, but your boss wanted the papers done this very day.

Seeing such a big mistake, only a rookie would do, was devastating and your very heart stoped beating before increasing in an alarming rate.

You wanted to speak up "I-" but then realised there's actually nothing to talk you out of this situation. You made that mistake. You remember putting in that number, but only now you know it's wrong.

"Miss, you have made many mistakes in this company. I'm questioning your intelligence"

You're eyes widened and looked up to the boss's face. "You're fired. Take you're stuff and leave immediately"

He really did just fired you. Out in the open, with every employee to witness. It was just an office job but it payed your bills and payed your food.

There was no word coming from you as said ex-boss left back to his office. He only came out to fire you. You weren't even mad at him, probably a bit, but all these mistakes did come from you. It was the company's fair right to fire employees who only deliver mistakes and complications. All fault lay within yourself.

So it wasn't helped. You placed your stuff in a box and before you left the building one last time, you placed you're personal card onto the table. Walking throu the glass door of your former work space, made you dive into the drowning reality.

You were happy this morning, but life gave you the middle finger and teard down thos ray of sunshines. Life truly is unfair.

After placing your stuff into your car, you'd drive home. The drive was a little emotional, but you arrived safely at least.

This reminded you of the rent. It was due every beginning of the month. What day is today? Oh, great the 27th. At least the last paycheck can cover up the next rent. Until then you have to find a new job to no be homeless.

So many new responsibilities and fears. And it feels like it's all your own fault. If you haven't messed up, if you would have just been more efficient than tired all the time, then maybe you would have kept your job and not worry about finding a new job.

How would you even explain why you were kicked out in the first place? Telling the truth would do you any favour.

A sigh escaped your lungs, and the box got placed on the coffee table by the couch. Your body let itself fall down in the next room, right onto the bed. There again was this feeling of tiredness after work a full shift with overtime, but this time oh has only been 3 hours.

You could luckily only create an alarm for a few hours later, until sleep was catching up on you. Now you laid there in full work attire, hair still made. You sleept on your stomach, head twisted to the side while the phone was still in your hand.

It only took a minute until you were knocked out of reality and Into the dream world.

---

You're phone vibrated in your hand and the loud alarm sound woke you up immediately. It felt like time moved faster and shot you to the day, but it was still the very same day as you fell asleep.

With the tiredness still all over, you sat up and looked down on yourself. The shirt was wrinkled and the rest was nowhere were it was supposed to be. One glance at the time and you knew, it would be wise to start getting ready.

Fired or not. You wouldn't let these negative things mess up your long awaited date.

You took a comforting hot shower, spend a little longer in it and then picked out a caual but still stylish outfit. The meeting spot was a restaurant specificly for Onigiris. It was a small but still very comfortable shop in the city.

You never been in this restaurant but you're very curious about the food. At the desired time, you just arrived and went inside. The date was no where to be seen but you still sat down on one of the chairs.

There was no notification on you're phone that someone had texted you, but maybe they were just stuck in traffic. There still was hope.

There seems to be only one guy working here and he came up to you, thinking you were ready to order "Do you know what you want or should I recommend something?"

You glanced up to him. His cap is a little deeper in his face but you still could see the smile on his face while he hold a little notepad, ready to write down whatever you wanted.

"oh, I waiting for someone. In a few minutes they should be there"

The guy first glanced over to the door then back at you. His smile didn't fade, but something in his eyes had shifted. He put away the notepad "if you change you're mind. I'll be right there" and so he wandered of to another customer.

With another glance in your phone you noticed it was now 20 minutes after the decided date time, but you still waited. Disasters always happen when one needs to be on time.

Time passed and passed by like it always does, but the supposed date was no where in sight.

Another glance at the time. Nearly one hour passed.

Well, guess they're not coming. No message, no call.

When you wrote the person "Are you still coming?" Only then did you see that they actually blocked you. A little message from the system told you so.

Your eyes wandered over to the last message they sent "Can't wait to see you :)"

What a big fat lie.

There were words running around in your head. Words more destructive than a bomb wand way more hurtful. First the debacle at work and now your date stood you up.

You felt the tears climbing up to your eyes, wanting to get out. It took quite some effort to call them back.

"I guess they are not coming. I'm sorry" this smooth voice from the store worker reached your ears. Upon looking up and glancing right into his worried eyes, you immediately felt the tears backing up with full force. They couldn't be stopped anymore and so you broke out crying, placing your head on the counter and hiding your head with the arms, hand burring themselves into your fresh showered and styled up hair.

Another hand reached out and touched your wrist. "You wanna talk 'bout it?"

You looked up to him "Uh, I don't want to bother you at w-" while you talked your eyes had wandered around the store, only to find it empty.

"Yeah, I'm about to close the restaurant"

"Oh I'm sorry. I'll leav-" you immediately stood up

"Don't worry. You can stay. Have some food"

As one foot was on the floor, he had interwien and you fell back onto the chair. Well, at least you can eas something and pay for occupying a seat an while hour long. The crying had stopped a little but you were still a bit stuffy on your nose, eyes red as well.

The guy Infront of you smiled, quite charming actually, and he then walked over to the kitchen.

"Don't worry 'bout paying" He shouted from behind "These are leftovers from today. So they either get eaten or thrown away"

The guy then appeared with a large tray full of Onigiris. You're eyes widened at the amount of food. He then continued to talk "And I don't really wanna throw them away. I would have probably eaten them this night, but then my stomach would have hated me again"

His comments about his stomach made you giggle a little bit and as the sound reached the guys ears he began to smile a little more.

"My name's Osamu, by the way. But you can just call me Samu"

"Y/n" you smiled a little.

Osamu placed down the plate full of Onigiris, grabbed himself a chair and sat down infront of you.

He also leaned down to grab two bottles of beer, opening them as well and giving you one "on the house" he simply smiles and gives you a wink.

You accepted the bottle, cheeks a little tinted red.

"Then you may dig in" he called out. After thanking for the food you bit into the first one.

You date may have stood you up, but this Onigiri may have just became your new date. The taste and the mixture all fit well together and you couldn't just not devour this art piece of food in an instant.

Osamu was watching you inhale his food and his smile grew bigger. Happy to have found another who loves his food.

You began to talk while still chewing on your food. At first he couldn't understand it but on a second thought he had heard you say "This is amazing"

Foods the best when one loses all of their social manners, you had just experience this first hand and started to hide your mouth with a hand in suprise.

Osamu laughed "No worries. I don't judge, besides I'm guilty of it too" He then as well began to eat.

You don't know why such a simple dish made you so happy, but for a second you had forgotten your misery and the curent problems you life with. May it also be the company of Osamu or just simply both.

The two of you ate the whole plate clean. No corn was left, no sauce was not licked up.

You fell in love with this food. It was the perfect comfort food for you, and eating it in an empty shop with the one who made them was like a big hug "thank you" you had voiced out after a minute of silence, comfortable silence.

"No problem. Just promise me to come back soon" He smiled at you widely. How could you not return to this place. This is heaven.

"will do" you nodded at him with a smile of yours. A genuine smile. A smile you had held at the very beginning of this day.

[writeforfandoms]

Fall Into Me 5

Find the series masterlist

Rose has some issues, but fortunately, Soap is here to help! And Ghost shows up, possibly just to annoy Soap. 

Warnings: Swearing, mention of stealing, bad employee, bad work ethic, Rose is Very Tired. 

Word count: 2.2k

By Monday morning, Rose was exhausted. It had been a long time since she’d had to work so many days in a row, and she hated it.

Especially since Carmen hadn’t actually called in sick this weekend. Carmen just hadn’t come in. Or responded to texts or calls. 

Rose had a feeling she wouldn’t be seeing Carmen again. 

The usual Monday morning rush was hard. She was pretty sure her smile wavered a few times, the dark circles under her eyes visible. But nobody complained and she got everyone taken care of just a fraction slower than usual. 

It could have been much worse. 

She still made herself a coffee, adding some vanilla and hazelnut to it. She needed the pick-me-up today. 

“Mornin’, Rose!” Soap sauntered up to the counter, grin in place. He didn’t dim even as his gaze darted across her face, and Rose just knew he was cataloging the circles and the way her hair was fairly limp. “Long night?”

It was an easy out, and for a moment, she was tempted to take it. But he was also the first person to ask all day.

“Not exactly,” she admitted on a sigh. “Carmen’s vanished on me.”

“What?” He straightened a little, looking surprised. Then he hopped over the counter, ignoring her yelp. “No no, hen, you sit. I can handle making tea.” 

“You’re really not supposed to be back here.” Rose didn’t move, torn between letting him help and planting her feet. 

“Won’t touch anything but the tea, I promise.” Soap lifted the counter, flapping one hand at her. 

Rose wavered for a moment and then gave in with a sigh. The lure of the chair was too strong to resist. So she plopped herself in the nearest chair, rubbing her forehead briefly. This was a terrible idea if anybody else walked in, but it just… sounded nice to let someone else do this for her. Just this once. 

“Did you work this weekend?” Soap asked as he pulled down two mugs and the tea. He moved without hesitation, and Rose warmed at the realization that he’d definitely watched her go through the motions more than once. 

“And last weekend.” Rose groaned softly, squeezing the back of her neck to try and release some tension there. 

“Hen, how many days in a row have you worked?” Soap paused in his motions to look at her, concern clear.

Rose had to actually stop and think about that, counting backwards. “Today is 15.” 

“Go home.”

“Not a chance.” Rose crossed her arms over her chest, chin tilting stubbornly. 

Soap was silent for a minute as he brought the milk over to the table. “At least close up early.”

Rose huffed. “You’re not my boss.”

He sighed and hopped back behind the counter to grab their teas. For a moment, Rose thought she saw him on his phone, but she couldn’t tell what he was doing. “I’m not trying to boss you around, I’m trying to help you.”

Rose eyed him carefully as he set a mug in front of her. “Why?” In her experience, people wanted something in exchange. Well, most people. Family just butted in and did it because they could. (And also because they could hold it over your head for years.) 

He held her gaze for long moments, completely still. “Because it’s the right thing to do. ‘Sides, your smiles get me through the day.”

Rose couldn’t see any deception or lies in his expression, so she nodded slowly. “I’ll see how this afternoon goes, see if I can close up early.”

“Thank you.” Soap finally relaxed, sprawling back in his chair and lifting his cup for a sip. “How can I help you today, hen?”

Rose added milk and sugar to her tea to give herself time to think. She was… very bad at asking for help. Had been since she was a kid. Added to the fact that she tried to keep her work separated from her friends, and this became… messy. Not that Soap was a friend, really. He was just one of the nice men that worked upstairs and kept her entertained and provided her lots of eye candy and–

Okay. Nope. Putting a pin in that for now, before she got completely distracted. 

“Let me think about it,” she hedged, gaze focused on her tea. 

“The rest of my day is free,” Soap told her, leaning forward. Under the table, his foot nudged hers, drawing her gaze up to his gentle smile. “C’mon, hen, put me to work, I can handle it.” 

Rose chuffed a sort-of laugh, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t, really.”

“What, you think I can’t handle a few orders?” He rolled his eyes, hands spreading wide in exaggerated offense. “Ex-military, I can listen to orders.” He paused for a moment. “Mostly.” 

Rose snorted. “Well that makes one of us.” She sipped her tea, frowning a little. “I can’t pull you away from your actual work, Soap.”

“You can, Price already cleared it. I’m not mission critical today.” Soap shrugged, leaning forward. “If you don’t give me things to do, I’ll start finding things to do.”

That… sounded like a threat. She narrowed her eyes at him, and his grin widened to shit-eating proportions. Definitely a threat. “Fine,” she huffed. “Since you insist. But don’t complain to me if you don’t like it.” 

Which is how, twenty minutes later, Rose found herself teaching him how the espresso machine worked and how to use the milk frother. True to his word, he did listen to orders, and he picked it up pretty quickly. 

But Rose still kept a close eye on him through the lunch rush. He did better than she expected, honestly, and his energy helped her own. 

She was even humming along softly by the time the last person left, leaving the two of them behind the counter. 

“Close up early,” Soap suggested, tone a little wheedling even as he bumped his shoulder into hers companionably. “Lemme take you to lunch.” 

Rose sighed. “I dunno, I hardly ever close early.” She frowned down at the counter. 

“Won’t hurt to close early one day.” He was definitely wheedling, staying in her space, warmth bleeding off into the air between them. 

“Took one last week.” But Rose was just pointing it out to be stubborn, and she knew it. 

Soap caught her hand, ducking his head to hold her gaze. “You need some time to yourself and a good meal,” he pointed out gently. “You’ll feel better.”

“Do I have to worry about you caveman-carrying me out if I refuse?” She kept her voice dry, though her lips twitched with humor.

“Nah. That’s more LT’s style.” His grin was full of mischief.

“LT?” One eyebrow raised at him as she finished wiping down the counter. 

“Ghost.” Soap shrugged, looking a little abashed. “Old habits.” 

“If I ask, are you allowed to tell me how you all know each other?” Rose stepped around him to clean the espresso machine. 

“We all worked together.” 

Rose nodded, accepting that. “And now you still work together, just in a different way.”

“More or less.” Soap shrugged, going to do the few dishes that had accumulated. 

Rose sighed. “Let me count out the till and we can go.”

They got as far as the front door before Ghost joined them. Rose could have sworn there was nobody else on that floor, but she turned around from locking up and jumped at least a foot, because he was right there. 

“LT,” Soap greeted cheerfully enough, though he eyed the other man in a way that Rose hadn’t seen before. 

“Leaving already?” Ghost sounded faintly amused. 

“Going for some grub.” 

“Good plan.” Ghost waited until Rose started walking to fall into step next to her. Perplexed, she looked at Soap, who huffed but apparently decided not to argue. 

“Any thoughts, hen?” Soap held the building door open for her.

“For lunch?” Rose hesitated. There was a really good deli not far, but it was very much a Jewish deli. That could be a good soft test, actually, to see if they said anything. Plenty of people didn’t care, especially not in this day and age, but… She’d seen vitriol before and she had no desire to see it again. “Actually, there’s a really good place not far from here…” 

“Lead the way, then.” Soap winked at her. “You’re still in charge.”

“I doubt that,” Rose muttered, more to herself than anything. “Come on, then.” 

The walk wasn’t too long, and they’d missed the lunch rush so were able to be seated immediately. Rose let Ghost take the spot with better lines of sight, and was somehow completely unsurprised when Soap nudged her into the booth between the two men. 

“Nice place,” Soap commented, looking around with interest. It was decorated with celebrity photos and neighborhood photos, newspaper clippings from past community events, community awards, and pictures of the owner’s extensive family. 

“They’ve got great kreplach here.”

“Kreplach?” Soap nearly stumbled over the unfamiliar word. 

Rose paused, glancing between the two. “Please don’t tell me you’ve never been to a Jewish deli before.”

“Oh, been plenty of times,” Soap assured her, and her shoulders relaxed. “Matzo ball soup is my go-to.”

“Good man,” Rose agreed immediately. “Kreplach is a type of dumpling, it’s pretty good. They use the same base for the kreplach soup as they do the matzo ball soup here. Hmm, what else… The latkes are huge and tasty. Anything with the brisket is good, although they lean towards the barbeque end of the brisket, which is fine.”

Soap laughed quietly. “Been here once or twice then, aye?”

Rose blushed, ducking her head. “A few times,” she agreed. “It’s a favorite place of mine.”

Ghost pressed his knee to hers under the table in silent support. 

The waitress stopped by to get their drink orders before whisking away again. 

“It all looks good,” Soap grumbled. “I can’t decide.”

Rose laughed. “Yeah, I know the feeling. It’s all good.” She nudged Ghost. “You know what you want?”

He shook his head slightly. “Not hungry.”

She eyed him for a moment but nodded and let it go. “Soap? You know yet?”

He made a pained face but nodded, causing Rose to slap a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. 

“Honestly, it’s not like you can never come back here,” she pointed out, still grinning. 

He just pouted, sending her into a fresh fit of giggles. 

But they ordered without fuss when the waitress came back, and then Rose leaned back into the booth with a little sigh. She already felt better just being away from the shop. The long days were hard. 

“You could stay closed tomorrow.” Ghost offered the solution neutrally, without judgment.

“No, weekdays are better for me than weekends.” She sighed, long and slow. “Just need to find someone to replace Carmen.” She paused. “And decide if I want to trust them with the cash or not.” 

“What do you mean?” Soap sat up a little straighter. 

“I didn’t mention earlier?” Rose drummed her fingers on the tabletop, looking away from the two men. “She took off with a few hundred dollars, looks like.”

Soap blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your doing.” Rose waved him off. “Just have to decide what I want to do going forward.” 

Soap and Ghost exchanged looks over her head, having an entire conversation in facial expressions and subtle hand motions. 

“That sounds like a tomorrow problem,” Soap decided, nudging her side with two fingers. “You still owe me knitting demonstration, hen.”

She barked out a laugh. “Seriously? You and Gaz, I swear. I don’t understand why you’re so curious.”

Soap shrugged. “Never had a chance to watch anybody making something.”

Rose rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Well, since you’re that curious, I’ll bring some in this week for sure. You’ll get bored within the first few minutes, guaranteed.” 

“We’ll see about that.” Soap grinned at the challenge. 

Their late lunch passed easily. Soap was easy to talk to, and Ghost was surprisingly good company, even if he didn’t talk much. Rose felt more relaxed by the time they left.

At least until she saw the rain pounding the pavement outside. 

“Hell.” She pouted at the rain and then up at the sky, shuffling outside and to the edge of the awning. 

“We could get a cab?” 

“That will take at least twice as long as walking will.” Rose shook her head, pulling her hood up. “I’m just gonna walk it.”

“We can walk you home,” Soap was quick to offer. 

Rose smiled up at him, reaching over to pat his arm. “You’re sweet, but no thanks. I’m good. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” She tucked her purse under her jacket and then took off at a brisk walk, head ducked against the rain.

[navnae]

Imagine Eddie leaving a review at every job Steve had worked at and goes out of his way to say how the service was fantastic because of the cute employee that works there, Steve blushes every time he reads it.

-

“Read this one, ‘the cutie that served me ice cream today was so sweet, I’ll definitely be stopping by again!’ Or this one ‘came back to get some ice cream sadly the cutie that’s usually there he wasn’t today still good service though.’ Steve are you seeing this?” Robin asked while pointing to her phone. Steve covered his blushing face and swatted Robin’s phone away.

“Rob please! I can’t take it anymore.” Steve wanted this to stop immediately. Robin has brought the online reviews to his attention and one customer specifically loves talking about him. Which he hated because he always got flustered because of it.

“I think you want to hear this one, ‘went to scoops today and the service was just top notch! The girl who works there is so sweet and naturally funny-“

“You’re just reading a review about you.” Steve interrupted. He earned an eye roll from Robin.

“Conceited much? I’m getting to that part ‘but her coworker just took the night away for me. He was also naturally funny, captivating, kind, and overall a beautiful soul that made my experience an unforgettable one.” Robin finished. Steve couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. That’s probably the sweetest thing he’s heard from anyone.

“Okay that’s kind of sweet.” Steve said shyly.

“They also added ‘the uniform is doing him justice, what a nice piece of eye candy while enjoying some sweet ol ice cream on the side’ huh… I think you have an admirer Steve.” Robin raised her eyebrows in a playful flirtatious way. Steve shook his head quickly dismissing the idea of anything of the sort.

“I don’t have an admirer. If anything that sounds like a loyal customer to me.” Steve replied while crossing his arms. Robin started laughing making Steve turn to her with confusion.

“Loyal is the right word because recently they’ve left comments on the family video website too.” Robin said in between laughs. Steve’s eyes widened once he processed what she was saying.

“What are you talking about?” Steve asked. Robin turned her phone towards him and his eyes scanned the comments that were about him. Steve wondered who this person could be, was it someone he knew by any chance?

“Listen to this one it was posted yesterday, ‘came in early in the morning to get a new set of movies and the cutie with the best personality was working that morning, already starting my day off just right.’ You have to find out who this person is they’re actually in love with you.” Robin teased.

“No one is in love with me. Now can we please get back to work?” Steve blurted out. Robin raised her hands to surrender then went to the back to straighten up a few things in the storage closet.

Steve stayed at the front of the store behind the counter to keep an eye out for the register and if anyone bothered to come in. He was also keeping his eye out for the anonymous commenter because curiosity got the best of him. Depending on who the customer was he might just add a little bit of enthusiasm to the conversation to keep the ball rolling and if they commented about their conversation specifically then he would know who it is. This idea floated in his head for awhile until the door of the store flew open ringing the bell. Steve looked up to see Eddie coming in with a big smile on his face. Occasionally Eddie would pop up to get some movies and kill the little bit of time he wanted to waste by talking to Steve until another customer came in. Eddie walked towards the counter and placed his elbow on it then put his chin in the palm of his hand.

“Morning, Harrington. Everything going smooth?” Eddie asked sweetly. Steve didn’t know why but he felt butterflies in his stomach when Eddie stared talking. The change in his voice so quickly just caught him off guard.

“Y-yeah it’s not really busy around here in the morning and I’m thankful for that.” Steve joked. Eddie laughed softly while looking down at the counter then met Steve’s eyes. Steve could feel his heart beating so hard in his chest that he had to look away or he might actually die. “Um… so what are you looking for today?”

“Actually I came to see you. Maybe this weekend we can hangout and watch some movies, drink, smoke, get fat off of popcorn. How does that sound?” Eddie leaned in a little as he asked the question. Steve’s mind went blank for a few seconds before managing to snap out of his thoughts.

“Sounds good, text me the time and I’ll be there.” Steve said happily. Eddie smiled and bit his lip while taking his elbow off the counter.

“Definitely. See ya then cutie.” Eddie said before winking then exiting the store. Steve laughed it off. He was used to Eddie being as flirty as possible whenever he was around Steve.

Now Steve had to focus on the task at hand, who was the anonymous commenter?

-

Edit: WOAH! I didn’t expect people to actually enjoy and want more??? But I will definitely give a follow up story! Also this is modern day I forgot to mention that 😅

[obsessedtomone]

Unravel Yourself Before Me ⛓️ Chapter 14 - Sleepover▸Shigaraki x femReader

Chapter Summary:

◤ “Yeah?” You can’t help but fidget anxiously with the material of your sleeve.

“No goodbye kiss?” Shigaraki smirks, closing the distance.

You immediately scowl. “Don’t be gross.” 

He still grabs your chin and you try to pull away, but he uses his other hand to cup the side of your head, fingertips running through the roots of your hair and holding you in place for him. 

Bastard really did think this was a date, after all.

Fuck’s sake. ◢ Setting: University AU - No quirks (unless degenerate personalities count) Tags: Slow burn, Eventual Smut, Very Unhealthy/Toxic Relationships, Humiliation, Mentally Ill Reader, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to ??? Warning: Dead Dove – Do Not Eat | Mind the tags TW: Implied Su/Self H, Dubcon, Past Child Abuse, Bullying, Reader has a super shitty past like actually, Shigaraki Tomura is his own warning.

AO3 Crosspost | Chain Divider by firefly-graphics

Chapters: One • Two • Three • Four • Five • Six • Seven • Eight • Nine • Ten(ko) • Eleven • Twelve • Thirteen • Fourteen • Fifteen

Chapter 14 - Sleepover

He drums his fingers against the metal surface of the table and decides to get up.

You remain seated.

“No? The fuck you mean ‘we’re going back to your place’?” you mock him, doing obnoxious air quotation marks with your fingers as you feel your blood pressure rapidly increasing.

Shigaraki glares at you in return, scratching at his neck for the third time today.

“You’re coming to my place and you’re staying over,” he mumbles, as if him repeating the same string of delusional words would make it any more understandable to you.

“I’m—huh? What?!” You slowly get out of your chair, grabbing your phone from the table, then carefully back away from him.

“Why are you acting all stupid again? I don’t fucking understand.” He frowns and you notice his fist clenching and unclenching at his side, while the other is gripping the material of his jacket tightly.

Is he being for real right now?

“Oh, you don’t understand? Okay. Let me paint a pretty picture for you, Shigaraki.” You cross your arms defensively. “I spent the entire fucking week following you around and absolutely humiliating myself in front of the whole university—again. I’m not about to fucking go sleep in your bed like we’re a couple of besties or—God forbid like a—” You gag, unable to speak the thought out loud.

Shigaraki, who looks absolutely bewildered that you would still dare, begins shaking. The scratching on his neck intensifies.

“How many times do I have to drill into your thick—fucking—skull, that you do whatever the fuck I tell you to? Why do you force me to have to rip you apart so you’ll listen?!” Shigaraki growls, getting so close, he now toweres over you before continuing, “I’ve been nothing but fucking nice to you today.” 

You glance at the other clients and at the worried employees nervously, swiftly deciding that you’ll definitely never fucking show up to eat here ever again.

Anxiously, your gaze falls back on him. His brows are scrunched and his lips pull back. You watch him as he takes a reaaaally deep breath and closes his eyes in contemplation. 

When he opens them again, he’s a completely different person.

“Okay,” he says flatly, relaxing back into his usual bored look, shoulders dropping together with the hand that was assaulting his neck.

“Oookay?” You raise a brow, clutching your belongings tightly, still wary of a potential violent outburst and hoping he has some decency not to strike your face in front of other people.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll drive you home.” 

He shoots an arm out to grab his keys from the table impatiently and you flinch, only remembering the burn of your cheek after he hit you at the party. 

His eyes narrow, but he doesn't comment otherwise, taking his jacket off the backrest and shoving it in your face, after which he grabs you by your wrist and drags you out of the establishment.

─────────

The drive home is really quiet, save for the occasional drumming of his fingers against his wheel and your anxiety fueled careful-breathing. You’re clutching your school bag close to your chest. The jacket he made you wear feels heavy on your shoulders.

Was that it or is he plotting to do something fucked again? 

You look outside the window and try to calm yourself down, while watching the evening scenery quickly pass by. It’s so dark already. Winter makes everything seem so bleak. It feels detached but comforting, in a way.

Like he’s your charon, taking you on your final trip to hell.

When he pulls up in front of your street, you mumble a quick ‘thanks’, throw his jacket on the seat and hurry the fuck up to get out and leave. To your dissatisfaction, you hear his side of the door open as well. 

You sigh, turning back to him with a look. 

“Yeah?” You can’t help but fidget anxiously with the material of your sleeve.

“No goodbye kiss?” Shigaraki smirks, closing the distance.

You immediately scowl. “Don’t be gross.” 

He still grabs your chin and you try to pull away, but he uses his other hand to cup the side of your head, fingertips running through the roots of your hair and holding you in place for him. 

Bastard really did think this was a date, after all.

Fuck’s sake.

“Do not kiss me.” Your eyes dart away from his face.

“Why not? I know you wanted it too. At the party. Before the party.” He brushes your lip with his thumb and you stare at him. “C’mon. Just once,” he lies to you, the rasp in his voice hauntingly soft. “I’ve been so nice…”

“Stockholm syndrome victims also end up wanting to fuck their captors. We both know I’m extremely messed up, so what? I said no.” 

His breath hitches.

“You wanna fuck me?” His tongue flicks over his dry lower lip and the glint of mischief in his eyes is rendering you momentarily speechless. Of course he’d focus on the wrong fucking thing.

“Y-You fucking know what I meant,” you only manage to whisper, when he bends down and nuzzles the side of your face, making your skin prickle and your breath stutter. You’re currently unable to decide which one you hated more—his anger and control issues or you finding him disgustingly attractive.

“Do I?” Shigaraki rasps against your ear, forcing a shudder out of you. “See? Give yourself to me. I’ll be so fucking good to you. Reward me.”

Half of his face is being cast into a soft shadow from the glow of a yellow street lamp nearby. It makes your heart race.

You need to put an end to this, before you fall into his trap any further. You need to remember where you stand, because—

“I-It’s not like I’m in any position to refuse you. Right?”

"Don't spin it like that." Shigaraki pulls back and frowns.

"Then how should I spin it? I say no and you still do what you want. How's this time any different?"

He looks away with a pout—a pout?!—and grumbles, "It's more fun when you're into it."

Your jaw drops. Is he seriously sulking right now? 

You close your eyes and take a moment to compose yourself, before your fuse blows up in his face and he gets mad again.

How do you get yourself out of this? 

Should you lie? Promise him another time? Do you give in, fall back into bad habits and go through another spiel of pleasing him like he’s your new owner? 

That’s what he is, isn't he? Just your owner. He doesn’t miss a beat reminding you every chance he gets. He wants you and he gives no damn about how you feel, despite pretending to care today.

Shigaraki is training you like a dog, meaning it’s only a matter of time until you act out and he loses his patience, making this thinly veiled security go up in flames.

Your chest tightens and you feel tears threatening to spill, but you force that feeling back, back, back, until it’s all the way up on your tower of sorrows.

When you open your eyes and look into his red ones, you see possible conflict painted on his face. 

You place your hands firmly against his chest and shake your head. 

“Goodnight, Shigaraki.”

He reluctantly lets you go, gaze half lidded and not saying anything, surprisingly unphased by your rejection.

Unphased, because three minutes into your walk towards the entrance of your building, you realize the asshole wouldn’t stop following you.

You seethe through gritted teeth, stomping your way home. “Any chance I’ve miraculously shifted timelines, and you’re only being a gentleman who’ll be fucking off the moment I get inside?” 

“Nope.”

“Unbelievable,” you growl and he shrugs despite your back being turned to him. “We are not fucking tonight. Is that clear?” 

“Does that mean we’re fucking another time?” You heard him snicker a few steps behind you.

“No! It fucking means—It means that you stalking me all the way to my home and forcing your way into staying over will not result in getting your dick wet, now or ever. Fucking asshole!” You wipe away at your welling tears of frustration. 

He’s so incredibly overwhelming, you just needed a break. One fucking weekend! 

Is it too much to fucking ask for?!

Shigaraki doesn’t reply, opting to just silently trudge behind you, hands in the pockets of his pants as you unlock the door to your building. 

He glances at you holding the door open, urging him to fucking hurry when you see him take his phone out and typing something before following you in.

“Gonna shower,” you announce resignedly, dropping your school bag right at the entrance, throwing your shoes haphazardly on the floor.

He watches you for a second and proceeds to literally copy you.

“Can I watch?”

“For free? No way.” 

You pull the sweater over your head and take off your pants, completely ignoring him as you leave your usual trail of clothes on the way to your bedroom, still having the decency of keeping your underwear on. It feels chilly in your apartment too, so you hurry on.

Tomura froze on your doorstep, swallowing hard, deep red eyes following your form. 

Why the fuck are you casually undressing in front of him like this, right after telling him off multiple times earlier? Were you teasing him on purpose or are you seriously that much of a fucking bimbo?

He hears your bedroom door creak open and snaps out of it, eagerly following behind you, kicking piles of random things out of his way.

“Does that mean you’d let me if I pay for it?” he asks, trying to play into your joke. His voice trembles, despite him trying to act natural. 

He knows you despise the idea of him forcing himself on you—fucking obviously—and he also hasn’t made any real moves to force you more than he had to.

But this? 

This was utterly unprompted. He wasn’t prepared for this. He didn’t expect this.

Did you not know he wasn’t completely beyond the idea of branding you to him and making you into a trembling mess—his trembling mess—with or without your ‘consent’? Did you forget who he was?

Did you?

Tomura has to even his breaths out and reframe your casual openness as a sign of progress, instead of another opportunity for him to use you. It’s admittedly a really hard thing to do, but you look none the wiser. 

“Depends. Got a million dollars to spare?” You turn and give him a sly smile—one that had his breath get fucking caught in his throat, but it falls when you see his owlish eyes locked-in on your body, making you flustered instead. “If you keep fucking staring at my tits like that, I’ll need a down payment.”

How could he fucking forget? He’s seen them so many times before.

All the times he fucked himself into his fist after he’s gotten his hands on your sex tapes, imagining it was him pounding into you, humiliating you, hurting you, and not your lowlife of an ex. 

But that was… before he learned he liked you.

There’s no lust clouding his red eyes anymore, so he proceeds to ask the question you’ve always dreaded to answer:

“Why—What happened for you to…The scars. Why do you have so many?” he says in a low, gravelly tone and frowns. 

You can’t help but roll your eyes, turning to open the drawer that has your clean towels.

“What about you then?” You grab one, closing the drawer and opening the door to your wardrobe. “Why do you have yours?” 

When you’re done taking the clothes you need, you turn back to face him. He looks tense and doesn’t reply to your question.

You huff. “Figures.”

Shigaraki clicks his tongue in disapproval and hesitantly steps forward, but you immediately put a hand in front of you, creating an invisible border between the two of you. 

“Don’t. We are not doing this right now.”

It works, because he stops dead in his tracks like a deer in headlights, and for once this week, he watches you walk around him without doing anything about it.

“You can shower after me!” you yell from the bathroom, dropping your underwear on the rest of the dirty pile on the floor and making a mental note to move them before he comes in, lest he gets the bright idea of stealing a pair.

But Tomura was glued to where you’d left him for a good while, staring off into the distance.

When you re-enter your room, he’s sprawled on top of your comforter. 

You use the towel in your hands to properly dry your hair, eyeing him suspiciously and hoping that whatever weird vibe was going on earlier would have vanished by now.

Shigaraki opens his eyes and watches you silently as you go about your routine, making you feel weird for thinking that he almost looked content just doing that. 

He’d apparently discarded his black hoodie sometime during your shower, tossing it on the other end of your bed and leaving him in a pair of dark jeans and an ancient Slipknot t-shirt, chest raising and falling, lips slightly parted open.

“Please, tell me you didn’t jerk off on my bed while I was gone,” you break the ice and a lopsided smile finally graces his lips.

“Nah, I think I’d rather have you do that for me instead.” Shigaraki slides up his elbows and continues to observe you. 

“Gross.” You turn around to hide your embarrassment and he shrugs. 

How is he always able to say shit like that so confidently? Is this guy really a virgin? How could he be when this is how he talks to people he wants to fuck. You could never.

Besides… Does he act like this with other girls too? The one at the party? You press your lips into a thin line before dropping the wet towel somewhere on the floor and exit the room.

“Hey, where are you going?” he asks, getting up and ready to follow you, but you’re already back by the time he’s standing.

“Just grabbed my bag, relax.” You walk past him and open your school bag.

“What are you doing?” Shigaraki looks over your shoulder. 

You grab your notes, your laptop and sit at your desk.

“Gonna study.” 

“What? You’ve been studying the entire fucking week!” he complains.

You shake your head. “My exam period starts next week, I can’t slack off.”

“Ugh, fuck you’re boring.”

“News flash. Told you I was busy, but you invited yourself anyway. Now leave me alone.”

And after sulking for exactly thirty seconds, seeing you won’t budge, he does. 

He does, only because he seems to suddenly remember where he is and immediately begins looking around in every corner of your apartment, either talking shit or being amazed at various objects you own.

You don’t have much, but you have a bunch of cool shit you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of if you tried. Besides, it’s your cool shit and it feels minimally validating for someone with a smidgeon of good taste to acknowledge it, since your best friend found most of it to be nerdy or lame.

“Why’d you lie about not buying stuff when we were at the mall? You literally have an entire fucking collection of these!” he speaks loudly, volume increasing the closer he gets to your room. 

You run a hand over your face at yet another distraction, voice coming out more nasally than usual, “Those were either gifts or exceptions. I don’t throw gifts away.”

“So why couldn’t I make you a gift then?”

“That’s the point. If you did, I probably wouldn’t… nevermind. And aside from that, I don’t feel like fucking owing you anything.”

He frowns at you and mumbles, “...You wouldn’t owe me if I bought you something, though.” But his frown is quickly replaced by a cocky smile. “Besides, if that’s what you care about, you’ve already been owing me for quite a while now. Don’t tell me you forgot?” Shigaraki tilts his head.

“What? What the fuck do I owe you?”

“I paid for your shit at the store, remember? You forgot your wallet.” His smile turns into a shit-eating grin.

You didn’t just forget. You completely wiped it from your memory. 

“Fuck. Hold on,” you say, reaching down into your bag to fish for something.

“What?” Shigaraki’s smile falls, frowning instead. “What are you doing.”

“Fifteen bucks, right?” You pull out a twenty and stretch your hand to him.

He looks at you with sheer disgust. “Fuck off. I don’t take money from the poor.”

You blink at him dumbly. “Then what do you want?”

“Mmm, I’ll think of something,” he replies, turning on his heel and resuming his treasure hunt in your house.

Shigaraki whistles when he finally gets to your underwear drawer, where you store a bunch of small colorful toys. 

It’s worth mentioning that it’s not the sex itself that embarrasses or scares you. You’ve been trained out of it a while ago. Sex is okay. 

It’s the feelings that scare you, meaning you only rolled your eyes at the added distraction when you heard him flip a switch, the distinct noise of your bullet vibrator coming alive with a buzz.

“So, where’s the weird-looking red one you used a few years ago? I don’t see it.” 

He rummages through your drawer and you’re wondering what the fuck he’s talking about again, when it clicks.

“Ugh, are you twelve? When are you letting that go?” You turn in your chair, putting your elbow on top of the back frame and you frown at him. 

Your eyes are starting to feel heavy. Today, much like everyday recently, left you feeling tired and defeated. 

Shigaraki only grins lecherously at your question.

You give him an unimpressed look and turn back to your paper with a deep sigh. 

“Dunno how much you know, or dug up about me—” And if you’re honest, you don’t really want to find out, “—but if you looked hard enough, you’d know that I was pretty much homeless after I turned eighteen, waiting for my scholarship application to go through. Didn’t have more than a suitcase with me, so none of the stuff you’ve seen in the… videos was—well, mine.”

He quirks a brow, letting the items he held drop back into your drawer and obnoxiously leaving it open for you to close later. 

Tomura’s pretty sure this is the first time you’d willingly told him anything personal about yourself. 

Not that he’d ever cared to properly listen before.

You hear him walking a few steps and stopping behind you, wondering what his deal is until he places a pair of slender hands on top of your shoulders and grips them firmly. Not very soft but not quite rough either. 

You’re immediately painfully aware of how intimate this feels, but he opens his mouth and the world rights itself.

“So… how much dick did you suck for a roof over your head back then?” He snorts, thankfully ruining the moment. 

You scoff, because lately it feels like… like you’re getting used to this. Getting used to him and his…  unusual personality. 

For him, a great sign. He’s winning the game, he’s breaking you down. For you? Not so much.

Shigaraki applies pressure on your tense shoulders and starts moving his hands unevenly, kneading his fingers into your stiff muscles until you realize it’s probably meant to be reassuring. 

“It’s alright. If you somehow manage to lose everything again,” he hints, “you could always blow me instead and I’m sure we can figure something—” 

You smack his arm repeatedly, face flushed in shame as he looks down at you and chuckles under his breath.

“God, you’re such a dick!” you yell, feeling hurt and turning away from him to hide it. This topic is especially sore to you because yeah—you really did suck dick to keep a roof over your head.

Sex is fine. Feeling like you have to sell yourself to some asshole in order for you to spend another night away from the cold streets isn’t.

“C’mon, I’m just fucking with you.” He pushes your head down in an attempt to tease annoy you further. “I wouldn’t have it in me to abandon my favorite toy anyway,” he quips but you completely ignore him and he shoots you a questioning glance.

He’s tall enough to tower over you while you sit, leaning into your vision field, white locks of hair falling to the sides of his face. You use your pointing finger to move his big fat forehead out of your way.

“I’m studying.”

“And I’m bored.”

“Go home then.”

He snorts. “Fuck no.” 

“Then it’s not my problem.”

“Oh it will be. You won’t like it if I go and have fun on my own.”

“Shigaraki, I’ve got the first exam in four days. Go entertain yourself like the big boy you are, and let me fucking study for my shit please. I reaaaally don’t wanna have to blow you if I fail and lose my scholarship,” you make a callback to his shitty joke and push his face away with your entire palm until he finally relents.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he says with a creepy lilt in his tone, giving you a foreboding smile before turning around and leaving.

You use your pen to scratch at your temples. “By the way… you’re not seriously planning to stay the night over. Right?”

He looks back at you and his smile only stretches wider.

“Ugh, fine but you’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Hah! You fucking wish.” Shigaraki waves you off, walking out of your bedroom. 

It’s really quiet for the next hour or so. 

Quiet enough for you to get up and investigate. Maybe the gods were kind for once and your apartment would be empty.

When you step into your living room, you freeze.

Click—click. Double click.

It hits you like a truck, driving at full speed. 

You do not have a fucking password, because you do not need a fucking password. Who the fuck would snoop through your PC? Taylor?

“What. The fuck. Are you doing?!”

“Uhh, entertaining myself?” He turns to face you, swiveling in your chair, with his left leg casually resting on top of the seat and his chin resting against his knee. “I was right tho’.” He smiles at you darkly, turning to scroll through the page and cackling maniacally. “Look at aaalll this dirty fucked up shit you’re into!”

Your blood physically drains from your face as you get closer and recognize several instances of your fanfic website being open in a bunch of different tabs.

Tabs containing different works you’ve bookmarked that not a single soul should’ve known about.

Sex is great.

Shigaraki Tomura finding out about your wildest fucked-up fantasies is absolutely criminal.

You’re so fucked.

[sighthounds-and-sketches]

Let's talk about flying to pick up a puppy by yourself

And some ways to make it easier on you.

Your prep starts honestly, about a week before baby actually comes home. Maybe 2 weeks.

For my pre-flight prep, I first picked out a flight carrier. I went with the one my breeder recommended.

It has expandable sides, and a little storage pocket. And it's resistant to chewing. I'm really glad I didn't buy a cheaper one, and I can't stress enough that it's cheaper to buy a quality one the first time than have a zipper break or a tear in the middle of your trip. My trip in total was 4 flights and 4 hours in the car, with him being with me for half of it and having the longest layover of my day. I could only really let him out a couple times, so this next part was incredibly helpful.

I mailed the carrier to my breeder,

at her behest. This was *huge* because the siblings got their scent on it and he was acclimated to being in it before I got to him. It acted as a secure place for him to ride in the car and for his first few nights here, he slept in there through the night.

And now that he's in his crate, the removable pad with scents on it has been instrumental in establishing the crate as a safe place for him.

Video of why I'm really glad I got the durable carrier.

Please consider what you're wearing that day.

Wear clothes you don't need to fuss with *at all* that's normal airport protocol- but I can't stress this enough, you're carrying the puppy in your arms through the TSA checkpoint and other people will be fussing over him. Make sure your appearance and personal bag is no fuss.

See: jeans, hoodie, puppy treat and potty bag that can be shoved into my personal Item, and a no fuss backpack.

In my personal travel bag I kept:

Pee pads, his food from the breeder, a change of clothes in case of incidents, a portable battery to charge my phone, collapsible food and water bowls, collar and leash incase one wasn't provided, and SEVERAL toys in there.

The toys were great for waiting in the terminal. I'd expand the sides of the crate and introduce a new toy to him to help him run a bit of energy out before we had to board.

Peepads: Even though airports have animal relief areas, chances are they're either kind of gross or your dog may be a little too young for it to be safe. I was traveling through one of the busiest airports in the world, and nobody was checking jack shit so I opted for potty breaks to occur in bathrooms with pee pads. He didn't end up going but it's better to be prepared.

I flew Delta and used Skymiles accumulated from our credit card with them that we pay off monthly, so the only thing I paid for out of pocket was 95.00 to bring Argos on board. My flight only costed 20k miles total, and that was only a small portion of what we'd accumulated over the 6 months we've been using the card. I think it's worth considering if you're planning to fly to a breeder. It enabled me to go anywhere in the country that Delta flies and not worry about costs.

Day of hack: double check your flights on the airlines app and switch your seat if possible. I swapped one of my return flight seats to an empty row for 15.00, which meant I could have my carryon and him with me at the same time and that was very nice for readjusting where my stuff was and taking a damn nap. Because at this point, I'd been up for about 18 hours and still had 7 hours of traveling before I'd get home.

I think my last thing is that if you're like me and you do have an invisible disability- ask if you can preboard. Dont be afraid to say "hey, i have this problem and standing in the heat while carrying a bunch of stuff is potentially going to cause an episode. " The employees were extremely nice, and willing to work with me. Ultimately, I went through all of this because he's a service dog prospect and will hopefully help.

Small things for me specifically prior: ate in the morning and right before I picked him up, he was able to chill in his carrier while I ate dinner at a restaurant in the airport- didn't make any sounds. He slept the whole time. I don't think I couldve eaten in the food court, too much to carry between him and my main bag.

I think that's it. I may add to this if I remember anything I forgot.

Edited to add: for my besties with miscellaneous illnesses-

A baggie with your medicines is IMPORTANT. Do not forget some dramamine, advil, Tylenol, whatever, pack it if there's a small chance you'll need it!

I ended up getting migraine symptoms like 5 hours into travel, and that was not a day I could afford to have blurred vision. <3 remember to take care of YOU on the journey.

[author-ssi]

Expectancy ~KTH

{Part I}

➜Pairing: Kim Taehyung x OC

➜Genre: Soulmate AU, Fluff, (Slight) Angst, (Slight) Smut, Series

Warnings: None for this part

➜Word Count: 2k

➜Summary: The first words soulmates ever speak to one another are written on each other's body - and those very first words immensely daunt famous CEO Kim Taehyung, to the point he's dreading to meet his own soulmate.

Kim Taehyung

"I hate you"

It is believed that 'hate' is a strong word and Taehyung has come to share that belief to his very core. Ever since he dicovered its meaning, he has been contemplating on the weight such a word might carry. Usually it is used to express contempt, sometimes it can even be used to tease somebody. The second manner would be okay, however, it's the first one Taehyung has always dreaded. Can one blame him though? Any sane person would worry knowing that the first words their soulmate addresses to them could be those of hatred. Letting out a long sigh, he glances at his wrist wriggling aside his expensive watch to reveal the phrase tattooed on his skin in cursive. "Will you really hate me?", he wonders to himself leaning back in the leather chair at his office. To say he has done his absolute best to prevent those words from being hostile was a given. Aside from the values he's received from his upbringing, Taehyung had always tried to be kind and gentle to everyone he's met over the course of the years. One would call it 'pretend' if it weren't for the fact that Taehyung was genuinely a nice person, to begin with. That's why, he found it even more unbelievable that his soulmate of all people would direct those words towards him, in the first place. To the eyes of many women, Taehyung was seen as a real catch; a confident young man with an intimidating aura, a successful CEO with dashingly good looks, often wearing a serious, blank expression on his face and occasionally shooting sharp, intense stares. Perhaps, it may be the rumours of his overall demeanour and not his actual character that will displease her. That, he could handle...

From the top of the skyscraper where his personal office is, Taehyung averts his gaze to the view of the city's sprawl through the glass windows. His signature blank expression takes over his face but his mind is far from blank at the moment. Luckily, the thoughts swirling in his head are put to a stop at the sound of his mobile ringing.

"Hello?"

"Ah Taehyungie! Are we still on for tonight?"

"Yes, I'll be coming once I'm off from work..."

"Great! Could you perhaps bring some desserts? Our little Ae-cha has cravings"

"Anything for my cute little girl! I'll stop by a store to get something on my way there"

"Thank you so much Taetae! Take care! See you tonight!"

Placing the phone back in his pocket with a small smile, Taehyung briefly relishes that fact that at least he's got the two of them in his life. Sharing a bond with him that likens the one of a soulmate and being part of such a lovely family are what have kept Taehyung comforted whenever he gets desperate or depressed at the idea of never meeting, or worse, being hated by his soulmate. Sometimes, he can't help the guilt of being lulled into feeling content with this kind of settlement but, at the end of the day, he's only human - and humans dread ending up alone.

----

Leaving work a couple hours later in high spirits, the eligible CEO gets in his GV80 and drives off. On the road, he takes glances at the off-street shops searching for the one suitable to satisfy little Ae-cha's cravings. Finally spotting a decent looking bakery, Taehyung parks his car and starts getting ready to head inside. Since he doesn't want to go through the trouble of being recognised by anyone, he opts to wear a white mask and a pair of colour-matched earbuds. Entering the small bakery with a chime in the door, he looks around only to notice a single employee decorating some patbingsoo in the oven room. With a slight shrug, he begins his search to select the perfect option of a dessert for Ae-cha. Settling on some hotteok, he heads over to the check-out seeing that the female employee has returned in order to service him. To his surprise though, he can't seem to overlook the dark brunette employee in front of him. Clear, brown eyes meet his own as he hands her over the pack of hotteok. Slim, long fingers fiddle around placing the package inside a bag while he's just left observing actions. No words are spoken between them, which Taehyung attributes to the fact that the mask, the earbuds and his signature blank look don't exactly make him look like the most approchable person at the moment. After handing over the amount of money commensurate for the price of the product, he forces himself to just take the bag and leave. However, having no intention of ever neglecting his good manners, before he exits, Taehyung turns slightly around to face the female employee and utters with a small bow, "Goodnight". He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that this girl caught his eye. But since he has no intention of further falling out with his soulmate, he's not going to make a move on any other girl. Shutting the bakery's door behind him, he's about to head over to his car but instead he's interrupted by the sound of the door's chime, that's being opened and then shut once again. Before even getting the chance to turn around, the words Taehyung has been both dreading and desiring to hear his whole life are being yelled furiously at him, "I hate you!".

Kang Mi-rae

"Goodnight"

A phrase so commonly used it barely holds any special meaning to everyone but Mi-rae... Since these will be her soulmate's very first words to her. In the beginning, she was worried; if she was going to hear that word almost every day in her life, how could she know which was coming from her soulmate? However, that worry was long gone the moment the phrase was uttered to her by a random classmate of hers during primary school. Despite him having said the exact word tattooed on the skin of her mid-thigh in cursive, Mi-rae was not the least bit alerted. That's how she realised that the word would hold true meaning only when spoken to her by her own soulmate. So, she went on with her life constanly dreaming and longing to meet her one and only, the love of her life, her soulmate... And days turned into months and months turned into years with Mi-rae threading her way through all kinds of struggles withour her soulmate by her side. Her faith on meeting him, though, had always provided her with the strength and comfort she needed to pull through them all. Her thoughts were always consumed and centered around finding him. Everytime she visited a new place or met new people, all she could think about was "Could he be here?", "Could he be the one?". One would say she was starting to get obsessed, but she had honestly tried not to put too much thought into it. But how could she not constantly look for her other half when she knew he's somewhere out there?

Growing up with watching rom-coms and reading romance novels, Mi-rae had long since prepared herself for her love story and her eagerness to experience it has never ceased. However, her patience had started to grow thinner and thinner as time kept going by and she was left to watch all the girls around her find their soulmates. Soon, her unfulfilled yearning gave way to frustration and bitter thoughts.

Is love that hard to find in this world?

Or does it come only when you don't look for it?

But how can I not look for it?

How can I let it go and move on with my life until someday I 'accidentally' come across it?

I need it now!

If I ever meet my soulmate I'll tell him that I hate him!

I hate him for not showing up earlier, I hate him for not showing up when I needed him most, I hate him for not taking care of me when he should have, I hate him for not being my shoulder to cry on, I hate him for- I just hate him!

I'll make sure to tell him that!

----

It is yet another chilly evening with Mi-rae working at her family's bakery. The small shop, well-known in the area, was passed down to one generation after the other and truthfully, Mi-rae was content with being part of the family business. Ever since she was little, she always accompanied her parents and helped them with their work at the bakery; from making soboro bread with her dad to decorating patbingsoo with her mum. She never had great aspiration in terms of a career even if she excelled at school and had the potential to study both law and medical sciences alike. On the contrary, Mi-rae desired a different and simple life; all she wanted was to have a loving family someday. She dreamt of that 'happily ever after' with her caring husband and their sweet children. Unfortunately though, without her soulmate, that dream will always be out of reach... With her tenth frustrated sigh, today, triggered by thoughts of her soulmate, she withdraws to the oven room and starts decorating some patbingsoo in order to cheer herself up. Not long after, the chime of the door from the bakery's entrance notifies her of a customer's arrival. Finishing up the last touches and placing the desserts inside the refrigerator, she heads up to the check-out waiting for the customer while slightly yet rhythmically tapping her hands on the counter.

When a tall, golden blond-haired man enters her line of vision, her tapping halts as she's about to greet him. However, be it the fact that he's wearing earbuds or that he's avoiding eye contact with her, she hesitates to do so. Simply taking the pack of hotteok he selected, she puts it in a bag after a quick scan of its bar code. Opening her mouth to state its price, she's once again silenced by him handing her the exact amount of money required. Mi-rae had dealt with rude and ignorant customers before and it had always consisted of her giving them a stern yet good-natured scolding to the point they apologised to her for their behaviour. This time, however, it was different. Observing the blank expression on this man's face, feeling his intimidating aura, glimpsing at his intense brown orbs; she couldn't bring herself to properly address him, let along snap at him. Therefore, without the both of them having uttered a single word to one another, she watches as the subdued man begins to walk out of her bakery. Letting out a breath she didn't realise she was holding back, she's about to return to her patbingsoo decorating when suddenly the sound of a certain familiar word reaches her ears, "Goodnight". Halting her step with her lips parting, a wide-eyed Mi-rae finds herself almost unable to comprehend what she just heard. Consumed by a world-shaking feeling, the phrase ringing in her ears over and over, she bolts towards the exit of the bakery.

It's him.

My... My actual...

My actual SOULMATE!

IT'S HIM!

It feels as if she is running in slow motion whereas her thoughts are running wild at the speed of light. She's finally met her soulmate! The one who's going to love and cherish her unconditionally! The one she's going to spend the rest of her days with, share a family with! The life she has always dreamt of is now within her reach! Euphoria wells up inside her at these thoughts yet the bitter memories from the past instantly catch up to her. All the times she cried over the loneliness she felt by his absence. Her hopes of meeting him getting shattered day after day with no sign of him. She suffered from that emptiness her whole life... All because he wasn't there, beside her! Once out of the bakery, Mi-rae doesn't need to think of the first thing she is going to say to her soulmate. Glaring at his back with tears appearing at the corner of her eyes, she lets out all the frustration she had in store for him in a single phrase, "I hate you!".

[password-door-lock]

Mystictober Day 27-- Danger

Content warning: manipulation

You make a break for it by the light of the moon. Getting out of the building is easier than you thought it would be— none of the strange people that you pass seem to pay you any attention, and if they do look in your direction, they don't stop to talk. You haven't been enjoying the game you're testing, and the awkward, cloaked company employees have been giving you the chills since your first day here. Ray seems very nice, but something about this place just rubs you the wrong way. 

As soon as you step outside, you are absolutely certain of your decision— the fresh air hits your face, and it’s like a weight has lifted from your shoulders. You have no idea where this place actually is, considering you came here with a blindfold on, but you figure that if you wander far enough away, eventually you'll come to some kind of road, where you'll find people willing to direct you to the nearest town. That, or you can walk until you have cell service, then use your phone to contact someone who'll be willing to help— maybe you’ll be able to get in touch with a coworker or a friend, even at such a late hour. All you really know is that everything is not as it seems at this game design company, and you are eager to put the entire experience behind you.

As you pass through the garden, your confidence grows— you might get away with this after all. Well, of course you'll get away with it— it's not like you're being held against your will or anything. Ray will understand if you want to seek other opportunities elsewhere, right? What's he gonna do, try and keep you here? Track you down, drag you back, and lock you in your room? No, Ray would never do something like—

You cut yourself off inside your head, pausing to listen to the distinct sound of approaching footsteps. There is no mistaking them— you have been pursued. Why have you been pursued? Surely the employees would be too busy working on their game to bother with the likes of you. You whip around, not sure what to expect, and come face-to-face with Ray. You breathe a sigh of relief— he’ll understand as soon as you explain what’s going on, and then you can be on your way. “MC,” he breathes, rushing over to you. “My prince(ss). There you are. When I came to your room and you weren't there, I thought...”

“Ray,” you bite your lip, avoiding his eyes. You trust Ray to respect your decision to leave, but you still feel bad about disappointing him. When you first arrived at Magenta, he mentioned that if you’d refused to test the game, they would have had to delay its release; by leaving, you’re only making more work for him, not to mention for whoever he selects to test the game once you’re gone.  “I... I've really enjoyed spending time with you. I think you're a great guy, but I have to—”

“MC?” You don't need to look at him to see that he's getting choked up. “You're not trying to leave me, are you?” There’s a note in Ray’s voice that you can’t quite place, something raw and almost feral. All of a sudden, you’re not sure how well you know him, after all. 

“It's not you, it's just…” You try to think of a good way to phrase your complaints. It's not easy; you get the feeling that Ray will take your criticism to heart no matter what you tell him. But he's a reasonable person, right? He'll understand eventually. All you have to do is get through to him, and then you'll be free to go. Maybe he can help you— he was the one who got you transportation here, right? So once you tell him that you're getting creeped out, maybe he can help you leave. He did tell you that he only wants you to be happy, so surely, he would let you go if you were unhappy, right? “I'm feeling a little bit smothered here. and I think... I want to get back to my life. We could keep in touch, of course, but... would you mind calling that car again?”

Now you look up, expecting Ray's warm smile. That is not what you receive. There's a look in his eyes that you've never seen before, though it doesn’t align at all with the strange new quality in his voice. He is looking at you with pure, unadulterated pity. “You don't know what you're saying,” he reaches out, caressing your face with a single gloved finger. For a moment, you wonder if he might be right— after all, you hardly know anything about this place. You don’t exactly have enough information to make an educated decision. “Those liars must have poisoned your mind while I was distracted with my task.” No. You need to get out of here. 

“Ray,” you breathe, trying to remain calm. You know him, right? He's never been anything but nice to you. Surely you must be misunderstanding his intentions. “Could you please give me a ride home?”

“You're already home, my MC,” Ray assures you, pulling you into a gentle embrace. “Let's get you back to your room.” His words are benign enough, but his tone suggests that he has no intention of entertaining any arguments from you. 

“Ray, please.” The alarm bells are ringing in your head. Why doesn't he understand? “Please let me leave this place. I’m not happy— you said you wanted me to be happy, right? So—” 

He places a finger over your lips, effectively shushing your complaints. “Shh, it’s alright, prince(ss). You don’t really think you’d be happy out there, do you? Don’t you remember what it was like before you came here?” 

“I—” You stammer. “But—” 

“I’ll make you happy,” Ray assures you, steering you back in the direction of the castle. “Trust me, my MC. Have I ever lied to you before?” 

It would be so easy to squirm out of his grip. You could make a break for it, and you doubt Ray could catch you, not operating on as little sleep as he is. You could run through the wilderness surrounding Magenta, hike up and down a couple mountains, and leave him here forever. That would certainly be the smart thing to do in a situation like this— after all, Ray is blatantly disrespecting your wish to be free of this place. But you don’t have the guts to walk out on him like that. After all, you trust him don’t you? Don’t you?

“Everything is going to be alright,” Ray fills your mind with pleasantries, and before you know it, you’re back at the door to the castle. “You don’t really want to walk outside in the cold, do you? I’ll take you back to your room and bring you some hot chocolate, okay, my prince(ss)?” 

Hot chocolate does sound nice, you decide— certainly better than fumbling around in the dark for a road that will take you who-knows-where. At least when you’re with Ray, you know that you’ll be taken care of. “Okay,” you breathe, returning to Magenta of your own volition as Ray holds the door for you. 

[whoiwanttoday]

I had plans this week that have been disrupted due to a death in the family. I don't begrudge anyone that, it sort of means everything has to be moved around and the things I thought I would be doing this week I am not so instead I have had a lot of time home trying to fill some blank hours. This means I ended up watching Georgia Ellenwood on Twitch Last night. I am pretty sure I have never done that, though I did subscribe to her channel when she created it. I actually heard a stat once that 90% of the people who subscribe to a twitch channel never watch it again and that feels about right in my experience. I mean, I know some people are dedicated twitch watchers but I can't watch on my TV so I almost never do, even though I will say I get the appeal. Anyway, it turns out that Georgia Ellenwood is a bundle of charm, which is nice, but the main thing that stood out to me is despite Canadians' reputation as the nicest people on the planet maybe they secretly aren't? Or maybe they are just kind of dumb. She had a story about going to London Drugs because she she needed to rent a camera and she called and they told her they do rent cameras and to come on by. So she did and some guy was very rude to her and told her they don't rent cameras and implied she was an idiot for doing so. She said she talked to someone on the phone who said they did and could she ask if anyone had talked to a woman on the phone and the guy refused to even ask anyone because he had worked there for two whole years and he knew they didn't rent cameras. Like, that's it, won't even performatively pretend to ask. Finally another guy comes out and overhears them and says he is the one who answered the phone and they do rent cameras and he gives it to her. Then the first guy acted like she was an asshole for not just leaving. I bring all this up because it is shocking to me, it doesn't jibe with the reality I know at all. See, like many people, I worked a lot of retail as a teenager and I am here to tell you that there is no place I ever worked where people wouldn't have been falling all over themselves to help Georgia Ellenwood because I hate to burst any bubbles but hot people get better service. Hot women in particular get more retail attention from male employees than anyone else on Earth. And I don't know this guys life but he lives in a suburb of Vancouver and I get that it's a big city and all but I am willing to bet Georgia Ellenwood is the hottest woman he has ever met in person. Just either this guy works at the suburban drugstore that supermodels all go to or this is the hottest woman he has ever seen. And he couldn't wait to get her out of his store. And look, I don't think the guys who fall all over themselves to help someone like her are smart, there is probably no world where Georgia Ellenwood is so touched by the service she got at the drugstore that she falls in love with the guy on the other side of the counter, I am just saying that's how things work. Except in Canada I guess? Where everyone is polite except service employees who are condescending dicks? I dunno, the more I learn about Canada the wilder it is, we haven't even gotten into the part about how impressive it is that they can build entire stores out of ice blocks and then safely store cameras in them. Anyway, that stood out to me and she really is very pretty and very charming and so I am posting her. Today I want to fuck Georgia Ellenwood.

[pbandjesse]

I am so happy we got the day off. I really needed it. I actually felt good today and got some stuff done. It was great.

I slept until 930. I woke up briefly when James left for work. Got a kiss before they left. And went back to sleep.

When I woke up I felt good. But I also didn't feel like I needed to get up. I would just lay in bed on my phone. But after 10 I finally got up.

I was kind of cold. And my hair didn't look as nice as I hoped. Frustrating but whatever.

I got dressed and went to have cereal. It was a nice day. I didn't feel like I needed to rush to do anything. I could just have a good day.

I really wanted to make ice cream bread today. So I would have to go get self rising flour.

I got myself together and drove to the grocery store. I would find the flour pretty quick and also went to find a new wrist brace. They didn't have the same brand but I actually think I like this one better. The material is softer and it ha three points of connection rather then two. And it has gel on the palm area which is nice.The only real downside is that it's only for my one wrist, while the other one could be either hand. My right arm doesn't hurt as much though so I think it's okay for now. But hopefully it helps the pain.

I would pay and go drive around the block to Park closer to the hard ware store. I really want to support this Ace but man. They only every have half the stuff I need. Ans they don't seem to carry basically any wood except for trim.

But I got more screen material and some hinges. And for enjoyed walking around and chatting with the employees.

I left there and drove to the restore a road from the Home Depot. First time I have gone and it was a really clean one! And the staff was so nice! It was great.

I was mostly looking for a screen door. And I found one but sadly it would end up being a bit to small. But that's okay. I will probably still use it in some way. It was behind a chain and I wasn't sure if I was allowed to move the chain myself so I went and asked am employee. And when I decided to buy it the person at the front desk was so nice. She was the store manager and we talked about our cats and because she was excited about it she gave me $2 off. Amazing. We showed each other pictures of our cats and it was super cute.

I did still go to Home Depot to get more 2x2s. And they actually had the saw working! So I did not have to chop them by hand. And the worker was very nice to me. I had a lot of places to carry but I muscled it to the register and then to the car. Excellent.

I went home after that. I thought about getting lunch but I shouldn't eat out every day even though I want to. I got home and got eveything inside. Sweetp was scared of the wood again? He's always afraid of wood for some reason.

I started working on attaching hinges to the door I bought but it became clear I will have to frame it out differently. So that's a later problem. Ah well.

I switched gears to work on the door for the catio. And this went sideways because I apparently can't measure. So I had to cut the wood three times. But after like two hours I was able to make it work. I also discovered that the screws I was using worked way better with a square bit and I was so thrilled.

The lock I bought did not work so I ended up using eye screws and a carabineer to close the door but it worked!! And Sweetp was able to start exploring! I will have to make some things for him to climb on and perch in but I am really excited about how it came together.

I would finally eat some lunch. I warmed up my leftover Indian and filled a pita again and that was really good. And I started working on baking ice cream bread.

I wanted to try and make the Neapolitan with the three flavors. And I for sure should have melted the ice cream better because I struggled to mix it with the flour. But it smelled great. That would bake for 45 minutes while I got Sweetp used to going in and out of the windows. And I would do the dishes. Some had to be done by hand but that was fine.

I would also vacuum the frog tank and finally put away my printmaking workshop supplies form the weekend. Was nice to put things away.

I had some of my ice cream bread when it was done and I was feeling really good about it. Was even better with a little frosting.

I have been hanging out since then. With sweetp. Texting Celia. Waiting for James to come home. Today was opening day and they went to watch the game. Which I think went well.

Tomorrow we are back to work. And I am looking forward to it even if I would prefer to be home. It will be a good day. And then tomorrow night me and James are going to see an interactive showing of "Death Becomes Her" which I loved when I was a kid but I haven't seen in 20 years. I'm excited. I hope you all have a great night. I love you all!! Good night!!

[frightnightindustries]

@indigo-flightly-falls

Real look inside the clubhouse

Fragment, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

Absence, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down. Fragment: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven... Phantasm, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven? Absence, spraying Fragment: You FUCKING DUMBASS! Fragment: Dude, I forgot- Absence: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!? Epitome: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Absence: I’ve organized your messages into three categories. Absence: “From Parody” Absence: “Death Threats” Absence: and “Death Threats From Parody”

Epitome: A person can really hear themselves think out here. Epitome’s mind: Did you leave the stove on? The front door unlocked!? WILL YOU DIE ALONE!? Epitome: Well, that was a mistake.

Phase: Advice of the day kids, if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color then they are a certified nerd. Freak: Yeah but you have to specify, frost glacier or cool blue? You can’t just say blue because there’s more than one blue. Phase: Blue and light blue, nice try nerd.

Phase: I once tried to play a pirated copy of Garfield Kart, when Garfield jumped out of my PC! We are currently married with three beautiful children and a summer house in Lisbon.

Parody: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them. Absence: That’s brilliant. Parody: Thank you, Neurosis.

Epitome: I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the water in my body is gone and I die from dehydration. Mastermind: Are you okay? Fragment: Did you actually just ask them that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know?

Phase: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

Mastermind: Can I offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

Fragment, talking about Phantasm: Y’know, you never mentioned an intern. Neurosis: That’s because they’re not officially an employee, they’re unpaid. Fragment: You don’t pay them?! Neurosis: They get college credit. Fragment: Are you sure your not evil?

Epitome: Even Phantasm and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich. Phantasm: I mistook them for a garbage can.

Neurosis: Phase and I are so close we even share a toothbrush. Phase: We what?

Neurosis: Any tips on how to make someone like me? Phantasm: Try to make them laugh all the time. Neurosis: Oh, wow! You actually help me for once, and it's even good advice! Phantasm: Yeah, the more they laugh, the more time they spend with their eyes closed, so it'd be easier.

Absence, planning a group disguise: You cannot be Blake Bortles. Mastermind: Fine! Then I’ll be Jake- Epitome, under their breath: Don’t say Jortles. Mastermind: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.

Mastermind: My mom is calling… hi mom. Freak: Come on guys, stop. They’re trying to talk to their mom. Phantasm: *loud fake sexual noises* Parody: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! Absence: *is asleep* Epitome: *gets really close to the phone* Tell her I said hi.

Absence: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Neurosis: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back... Freak: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Mastermind: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Phantasm: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Parody: Mental stability, my old friend! Absence: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Neurosis: Hey, let’s mess with Mastermind, guys! Absence: Hey, Mastermind, your momma so fat- Mastermind: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison. Phase: Well, uh- your dad- Mastermind: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets. Absence: The fuck- Fragment: Well then... Neurosis: Stop, Fragment! Fragment: Your grandparents so- Mastermind: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted. Mastermind: You cannot best me, mortals.

Neurosis, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— Parody: A family. Phantasm: A better love life. Epitome: Mental stability. Absence: *clueless* Bagels?

Freak: How do I ask someone out? Mastermind: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two. Freak: No! Phase: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car. Freak: Stop! Neurosis: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream. Freak: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.