#the past month since I got properly medicated again and you can see my effort go way up I have been going way too hard on my dailies

[diurnalcritters]

Day 449

[sly-merlin]

okey dokey! I'm gonna be a father!

Requesting pregnant reader scenarios, wanna see more of the guys’ duality balancing domesticity and impending fatherhood, and running the world, ya know 🙏🏾😎🤔😀 Just throwing the idea out there since you said we could. Y’know things like ‘I’m trying to leave to set up a meeting but her back is sore & she wants ice cream so one of u needs to suddenly be available. now’ & other things ig. I imagined Ty Kun, John Jae or Kun in as leader & probably hc or jaemin as the wife-sitters (lol)

Since you didn’t specify the unit,I did this with the few members from hyung line. This got so long that I ran out of ideas so let me know if you want me to write for some other members.  though j incorporated your ideas but i based it on the concept of them managing the treats in both hands. This is my first time doing reactions so leave some feedback if you wish! Have a nice day everybody.

(7 members) Ft. Taeil, johnny, taeyong, yuta, ten, jaehyun + kun

TAEIL 

"Let me message you back!" Taeil whispered into the phone and raised his body to observe your sleeping form. Your head was securely resting on his arm and he let out a relieved sigh as it was one of the few Lucky days when you were not thrashing around in your sleep. Day after day, you were getting uncomfortable with your heavy belly and all he could ever do was keep you company in your frustrations. He couldn't risk waking you up so he tried his best to complete the task in the painful position. He fidgeted with the phone for it was impossible to handle a 6 inch of metal device with one hand. Struggling with the grip for a few more seconds, he finally managed to send johnny a message regarding the inquiry.

Ask tae He has ab eztra key 2 my ofice.

Maybe he should turn his autocorrect on for situations like this!

Thinking his work was done, he locked the phone. just when he was about to put it on the nightstand on a blind guess, it vibrated again! 

John: He is out! You need to come asap.

He stopped to watch out for any movement from your side and when there was none, he shifted to his phone again.

Nt my pblm. 

He couldn't understand why johnny was being so persistent when everyone was under strict orders to not call him after 10 p.m unless someone was dying!

John: Jungwoo is in trouble with police. I need his fake ID!

Taeil’s scoffed a bit too loudly causing you to stir.  He paused in his actions only to continue when he noticed your even breathing. Weighing the options, he concluded that Jungwoo must have forgotten to pay for the food again or something like that otherwise if it was work related then johnny would have been screaming at his door and not through the phone.

Not his 1st time. dw too much. Jst send him some food so he wont cry like last tym.

He deserved that much punishment! With that he switched the device off and wrapped his arm around your waist, returning to the warmth he got to experience only at night times.

JOHNNY

You were on edge since the day you got yourself tested. You could blame it on the suddenly changing hormones or the never present johnny but one thing was sure that you were missing him more than ever. Johnny on the other hand, avoided going back home for the sole reason of finding himself incapable of taking care of you and his dangerous job. That’s why he had assigned hendery to be at your beck and call. He was a medic and since the other medical emergencies could be handled by xiaojun and renjun, hendery had no problem in spending some time with you. His company was full of funny stories of other members and silly jokes. Despite his endless efforts to distract you, the thought that your daughter’s father was missing the growth of his own child always remained at the back of your head. You couldn’t understand how all of a sudden his workload had increased so much that he barely had any time to even see your face let alone talk to you for a few minutes. But all your worries vanished the day he returned and sarcastically ordered hendery to show his donkey self out of his house to never come back again.

“I managed to prepone some important weapon deals”, he bowed gracefully to acknowledge his own achievements, making you chuckle at him, “and I’ve been rewarded with three months of holidays so I shall be spending these months making up for the lost time and creating new memories” he completed, kissing your forehead.

"I never said I need you 24/7. A few hours at most would do John" you said, knowing how his absence would affect the black neos. 

"Yeah. But then I realised what if my baby girl mistakes hendery for her father. Can't let that happen now yeah!" 

Masked under jokes, you were very well aware of the real reasons behind the toil he had subjected himself to! It was all for you and your baby girl and you knew he would do it again and again even if it meant the end of his life!

TAEYONG

 From sharp cold deadly glare to the dragon tattoo that adorned his neck and arms, fellow criminals had every reason to fear this man. His name, in the underworld, screamed  cursed royalty. But that was Lee taeyong, leader of black neos.

The taeyong standing right in front of you, struggling with multiple boxes of boards was anything but scary. Cladded in baby blue hoodie and black boxers, he was reading the manual, knocking down the structure again and again as he repeatedly found something missing from it. 

"Leave it tae. I can complete this later on. Come and eat now." You whined and suggested while taking bites from the creamy pasta he had prepared earlier. 

"what do you mean i can complete this later on. Do you find me incapable of making a crib?"

Yes you did!

But that was not the answer you could give when he was clearly trying his hardest. It was indeed baffling as to why the man who could assemble a weapon with his left hand was unable to join the pieces of a crib with both!

"No tae. You were out for three days so maybe you are just too tired to concentrate!" You explained in the politest way possible that clearly didn't reach him properly. He let out an audible gasp at what felt for him to be the accusatory tone.

"Eat your pasta and watch me complete this in half an hour! You'd regret saying that to me!"

Why was he the one with mood swings?

Just like other bubbling thoughts, you gulped down this one too and nodded enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up as if you would never doubt his capabilities.

But you knew, he might have started the task but he was surely not going to be the one to complete it!

YUTA

“How about sakura?” hyuck suggested. Looks of disapproval were exchanged across the room and sound of mark hitting hyuck’s arm resonated in the living room.

“Cliche!” jaehyun laughed.

“Yes. We aren't naming our daughter sakura and that is final. She’s one of a kind and her name should also be!” you announced your arrival in the room and sat on the floor, making yourself comfortable between yuta’s legs. He wrapped his arms around your belly before leaning his neck to greet you with a sweet cheek kiss.

“Yes. What y/n wants, y/n gets. No sakura!” he held his one hand up in the air, forbidding any further discussion on the name.

"That's not fair!" Hyuck whined only to be dismissed by a wave from you.

"Just because it's not hyuck's choice doesn't mean that you have got right to choose by yourself. The baby is a part of this family so we get to decide what's best for her!" Ten exclaimed loudly getting everyone’s attention.

“How about ayaka?” kun suggested, entering the room with a trolley full of snacks. As the recommendations poured in, the snacks were passed to everyone. Days like these were rare and from the past two months, these rare days were spent daydreaming about the very first child in the black neos house.

“Akira? It’s quite universal you know.” mark joined in, reading the meaning of the name in different cultures and languages.

“Haru”

“No kai!” 

Somewhere in the conversation, yuta’s hands had travelled from your tummy to your sides. He knew the little brushes of his fingers had started to work on you as you swatted his hand away with yours. It only encouraged him and he tickled you on your sides more and more, getting the desired reaction. Your body being more sensitive and responsive than usual, you wiggled in his arms and squealed loudly enough to get everyone’s attention. Suddenly his hands stopped as he heard a whiny shout.

“Why are you bugging her?” hyuck hollered, “can’t you sit still for once? Let her breathe for a freaking second. You wanna tickle! Tickle me. Come tickle me but Don’t bother her!” 

You were aware of hyuck’s sudden outbursts of protection for you but this was truly something new! And you new tickles were not the reasoning behind his irritation. Sakura was!

“Le-let’s play a game”, kun interrupted before haechan’s frustration would land him into some trouble with the elder, “we’ll write all the suggestions into paper and whichever y/n chooses would be final. How does it sound?” 

Everyone hummed along to the idea. Looking over at Hyuck, you noticed a sudden glint in his eyes that spoke trouble. He was clearly planning something evil and until it was all fun and games, you had no trouble for his intentions.

“Since when did you get a bodyguard hmm?” yuta whispered, planting another wet kiss on your right cheek. 

“Yua.” you said.

“What?”

“We are naming her yua! When are you gonna tell them that i’ve already decided!” leaning backwards, you said in a hushed voice meant only for his ears.

“When they are tired enough to play any more games. Till then, let’s have fun. Look at hyuck, he’s surely gonna cheat and mark and renjun are going to strangle him.” yuta chuckled against your ear, making you laugh again. Life was good!

TEN

“Xiaojun! Xiaojun! Show yourself you good for nothing potato!” you winced at the volume of ten’s voice. Even though he was outside the room, his vocals were irritating. But you held your tongue from scolding him as he was the only one you could rely on at the moment. 

“Xia-

“Did bella bite you again? why are you shouting at-” xiaojun squinted at the wall clock and adjusted his glasses, “at 5:30a.m?”

“Half of the world is up you hibernating bear! y/n is craving ice-cream. You know better than to refuse her so go to her. Your service starts right now.” 

Xiaojun scoffed and remained glued to the stairs. Ten raised a brow questioning him but instead of answering him xiaojun came up with one of his own.

“And why aren’t you going?” 

“Switchblade prince is called so I gotta go. I don’t think you want her to wait!.”

Xiaojun groaned when ten shot him a wink and left the living room. Of course he had no trouble in tending to your demands which as a medic, he understood very well but ten’s cockiness wasn’t something he was ever ready to handle.

“y/n! What does our prince wanted to eat this early in the morning?” he smiled at you, plopping down on the edge of the bed.

“Apples and bananas.” 

“I meant what ice cream flavour do you want?”

“Ice cream? Who said ice cream? I want bananas.” you answered him, confused at his confusion!

It was only then that xiaojun realised that switchblade prince was never called in the first place. Ten had fled. Due to fruits! He was contemplating as to what extent he should be manipulating ten’s words while telling you about his betrayal when you spoke up.

“Umm. i guess we can eat mint chocolate as well. I’ll eat a banana chocolate sandwich first then we can both watch a movie and finish the ice cream. What do you say?”

Ok!  Maybe revenge could wait. Ice cream would be a priority here! 

JAEHYUN

If your husband was cocky, you were seriously too many steps ahead of him and it has taken only 10 days for jaemin to realise that you were just jae's cup of tea and no one else's, at least not as a 4 months pregnant woman. 

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" Jaehyun laughed at jaemin sprawled on the floor like a toddler. 

"Noona screamed at me" jaemin mumbled, hiding his face in his neck.

"Oh jaemin! Why did she do it? Were you teasing her again. You know that she doesn't take sarcasm too we-

"No. She threw up the food i made for her and that too thrice since yesterday. I got angry so i told her to eat up or else i won't be making anymore for her. She threw the pillow at me and ordered me to never talk to her again! I mean it's not like i was showing real anger! She's hungry since yesterday. If she won't eat up then she'd be sick. What did I do wrong! Now I made her favourite pasta and she won't open the door for me."

Jaehyun sighed and crouched down to jaemin's level. He knew your emotions weren't in your control anymore but jaemin wasn't wrong either. He was just doing what was right for you and unintentionally, you had ended up hurting the poor boy. Jaehyun patted jaemin's hair before he told him to inform taeyong about his possible absence from the upcoming meetings and activities.

"You can't do that." Jaemin said the obvious.

"Do you want her to eat or not!" Jaemin frantically nodded at him before running off to the main office.

Heating up the pasta, jaehyun made his way to your shared bedroom in black neos. 

"Baby open up it's me!" He knocked at the door and hearing his voice,you immediately opened it. 

"You are here!" You exclaimed, feeling beads of moisture in the corner of your eyes.

"Aww. Now is not the time to cry." He cooed, entering the room with the tray. Placing it on the coffee table, he turned around and hugged you just the way he missed you.

"I'm sorry for being occupied and only coming back at night. But I'm here for a few days so let's get you all happy like a seal!" He laughed, ruffling your hair.

"I-i yelled at jaemin for no reason." You confessed not being aware that he was already filled in by the younger boy. 

"You wanna apologize?" You nodded as he squished your cheeks in his hands and leaned in to kiss your pouty lips. 

"Later on! Now's the time for evening lunch and getting this food in your tummy without it backfiring!" 

You laughed at how smoothly he eased your worries. After eating properly, you apologised to jaemin which he accepted but not before crying like a little boy he was!

Bonus :

KUN

"Yangyang what the heck are you doing near y/n. I told you to keep your meaningless books away from her!" Kun felt like his blood pressure would shot up anytime soon.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh really? What's the book that you are reading to her?"

"How to walk like a pro when you are only 2 months old! I want the baby to be high class like me."

Kun's hands found refuge in his hair as he groaned at the boy. Now he needed to read all the books that could possibly reverse yangyang's teachings.

"There is no such book available."

"Yeah that's why i wrote it by myself. Pulled an all nighter but when the baby would start walking at only 2 months of age, you'd thank me!"

[bestintheparsec]

Healer - Part 1 (The Mandalorian)

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Summary: You’re medically trained and somehow end up meeting the Mandalorian when he's injured and needs help...and over time maybe you become more than a crewmember to him (I love a slow burn)

A/N: this is my first fic ever, I hope you like it! Sorry if it’s not perfect (I would love any feedback or suggestions)! Is this going to have multiple parts? I’m not sure yet depending on how everyone feels about this one, but it’s likely because I have some other ideas in mind :) jk I’ve decided to add at least 2 more parts to this lol

Words: 1.9k

Rating: T (minor mentions of blood/surgery)

Healer masterlist

~

Despite being smaller than he is, you have one arm wrapped around the Mandalorian’s waist, his left arm reluctantly around your shoulder, as you help him slowly up onto the Razor Crest. He’s returned from turning in his latest bounty, and this last job was evidently a trying one. He’d been very unsteady as he walked back to the ship, where you were playing with the child, waiting for him to get back. You’d run over as soon as you saw him.

“You’re not going to be able to help much if we’re both on the ground,” Din grunts as he leans onto you, worried about crushing you with the weight of the armor.

“Yeah, well, the little one can get us back up if that happens,” you playfully snap back.

You help him over to the cot and he sighs a breath of relief as he sits down. You let his arm off your shoulder, and for a second you think you feel him resisting, as if not wanting to lose contact. He’s weak and tired—it’s nothing, you think to yourself.

“Thank you,” Din says. “I think I can clean this one up pretty well myself.”

“You can’t fix all your wounds with a lighter, Din.”

It’s been weeks, months since you joined him as somewhat of a crew member aboard his ship, but Din is still often hesitant to let you help; even if it is what you’re here to do.

~

In a past life, your job was to heal. You have years of medical training, and it was what you once spent all of your time doing. Things are different now, after things got complicated on your home planet. Things you’d rather forget. People like you became far and few, and help is often unwanted. So you stopped, and started picking up ‘dirty’ errands instead.

But one day, you were on your way to the village to pick up another job, when you saw him—the Mandalorian. You’d never met one in person, but you knew the stories.

He’d had a minor injury to his arm, one he’d attempted to patch up himself with some gauze. You don’t know why he trusted you enough to stop you and ask, but he’d told you he needed help getting medical supplies—he was currently on a ‘wanted’ list, and unable to go to the shops himself without setting anyone on alert.

“I can help. Just stay right there,” you’d immediately told him. It had been long since you’d treated someone, but you still remembered the skills. Something told you it might be dangerous if you were caught helping him, but you felt that there was kindness behind all his composure, even though you couldn’t see his expressions. You quickly went to gather everything you needed, and headed back out to him.

“Where do you want to do this?”

“Do what?” he asked, reaching for the supplies in your bag.

“Where do you want me to apply all of this?”

He started to shake his head and protest, but you’d interrupted.

“Surely you don’t think I would let you do this yourself. I’m medically trained—please, let me help,” you said, gently pushing his hand away as he tried to hand you payment.

The Mandalorian said nothing, just looked at you with a slight tilt of the head.

“Please. Let me help. You’re safe with me—I know the troubles in this village and I won’t lead you into any.”

He’d given you a nod after some hesitation, and started walking towards the forest, gesturing for you to follow. Din knew the only safe place he could bring you was aboard the Razor Crest. You understood—the wound would need cleaning, something that required privacy—so you followed him.

It was shortly after that day that Din had awkwardly asked you to join him, to help him and his kid. It would’ve been a hard goodbye for you if he hadn’t asked—you’d quickly fallen in love with the child. You were under the impression that he was on a “list” was because of something more…malicious. But when he’d explained to you how he came to get this child, your impression of him softened even more.

~

Although he never says much, you two have grown closer over the last few weeks. You don’t know why, because even though he’s all armor, you started to feel this pull towards him, a deeper connection to him as a person, even without ever seeing his face. Despite his profession, he’s softer than you’d expected. He’s obviously new to caretaking, but makes every effort to do his best. And when he speaks to you, it’s as if he uses a gentler voice than with anyone else he interacts with.

You don’t know it, but he feels similarly regarding you. He watches you play with the kid; you have an obvious nurturing instinct that he follows in example. You’re reserved, too, but you still say more than he does, and it makes him happy to hear you talk about your life and your past adventures. He finds you endearing, and Din’s slowly realized that, like with the child, he would do anything to protect you.

~

After putting the child in his pod, you go back and kneel on the floor next to Din, gently inspecting the damage while he watches you neatly unwrap the supplies you need. Your quick mind and thinking have always been admirable to him. He’s often watched you while you patched him up, even when you thought he was looking away. You’re good at what you do—you often have to be firm with him, but somehow you always make him feel...safe. It’s been a long time since anything, or anyone, has made him feel remotely safe.

It doesn’t take much to figure out that this will take a bit of time to fix, and you look up at him.

“This is going to need a bit of cleaning—there’s a lot of blood, and I suspect there’s more that I can’t see,” you tell him. Din only looks at you, waiting for directions.

“…So, I’m going to have to peel back the fabric in a few of these spots to properly treat the wounds,” you add, hoping he understands. You’ve helped him many times now, but it’s rare for him to have to actually expose his skin, as most of his injuries have been relatively minor.

He stills. Din figured you would have to do this eventually, but his face warms at the thought of you touching his bare skin with your delicate hands.  He suddenly becomes glad you can’t see his face at the moment. Your hair is up and out of your face like it usually is, but little wisps fall in front of your face, and your eyes are heavy, likely from the long day you’ve had yourself. Din has to repress the urge to gently sweep the strands out of your way, and nods for you to go ahead. You tell him that there could be more damage under the helmet, but of course he insists that he can fix anything on his face himself later on, if needed.

“Okay, your right arm looks worse so I’ll start there.” You move his arm so that his palm faces up. His sleeve is made of a thick fabric, but it’s torn anyways, so you carefully cut and pull it back to expose the wound underneath, hoping it hasn’t dried down yet. You grimace when you see that his inner forearm has a long, deep gash—far worse than you were able to tell with it covered. You glance at him again.

“Din, what kind of bounty were you dealing with this time?” you ask softly. “Not another mudhorn, was it?” you tease.

“Not the worst thing I’ve had to recover from,” he answers. He’s in pain, and many parts of him sting and ache, but all of that is dampened when he looks at you, with your concerned gaze and furrowed brow. How you’re able to care about someone like him, someone who does the things that he does, he’s not sure. He’s never received this much kindness before. In the past, shopkeepers would toss him a medicated patch and call it a day. But you have a good soul, and he knows that. Your selflessness and affectionate attention for him and for the child are new things to him, and he wishes he knew how to reciprocate.

You begin to clean the wound, first wiping away all of the blood and then cleaning it with the antiseptic solution. As you work, you subtly put your other hand gently on his gloved fingers, giving him something to grip onto. Din is very clearly tense, but he’s still looking at you, slightly dazed and distracted by your fingers gently brushing against his. You begin to suture the cut, and you can tell he’s grimacing behind the helmet.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, smiling weakly. “I’ll be quick with it.” You finish that arm and move to the next, this one only having minor scrapes. He has another cut on his leg, and you patch that up as well. There’s likely a lot of bruising all over, but you can’t do much for those except let them heal.

“Alright, I think that’s the worst of it. Can you lean back so I can check if anything’s broken?” you ask, knowing Din won’t be comfortable with it. He doesn’t answer for a few seconds, but wordlessly starts, with your help, to lift his legs onto the cot. Din knows he’s within his mental boundaries, but he still blushes heavily, once again glad to be hidden behind the helmet. He leans back against the wall of the ship as you gently reach behind his back and shoulders to make sure nothing is dislocated. You’re closer to him now, looking into his visor as if you can see through to his eyes. He’s the patient here, but your pulse is quickened, too.

“Any severe pain here?” you ask, still looking at him.

“No,” he manages to reply.

“Good.” Your fingers linger on his shoulder for a moment, both of you looking at each other. Din’s heart is racing now, and he’s almost sure you can hear it, too. Your eyes are soft and questioning, but he can’t tell if that’s just the healer in you, worrying about her patient, or if there’s something more there—an expression of longing instead of concern. Before he can analyze you any further, you move away and go to clean up the mess you’ve made of the supplies.

“Wait,” he calls softly, hoping you don’t catch the slight break in his voice.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

~

Later that night, Din opens his eyes, blinking a few times before re-orienting himself. He’s still on the cot, in full armor, and everything still aches. It’s dark now, all the lights are off, and you’re likely asleep with the child in your space on the other side of the ship. He thinks of how you must look when you sleep, peacefully and comfortably curled up. He rarely sees you after you go to sleep, but he often longs for the late-night intimate conversations you share, ones that are intensified by the background of a quiet night dimly lit by the stars.

He knows you likely attribute his resistance to your help because of the way he lives. But the truth is, he’s afraid to let you touch him because of all the feelings he’s started having, and how far those feelings might take him the more he allows himself to become closer to you.

Din sighs quietly. He’s falling deeper than he realized, and he has no idea how to stop.

~

[mermaidxatxheart]

Dressed for Dinner

Alright, I know I promised a naughty one the other day, but things got away from me. So here it is. If you’re under 18, turn around right now. Go back. Don’t get me in trouble. Also, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates! I hope you have a fantastic day with family and friends. Eat lots of good food for me :)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Word Count: 2790

Warnings: Smut. Doctor/Nurse kink, if you squint. Swearing, Oral (female receiving) sexy times. No angst, shocker, I know. Unprotected sex

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with your coworker for a while, no strings attached. He has certain plans for you after work one night.

“Don’t you think Doctor Barnes is gorgeous?” Emily drools, watching the surgeon from across the nurse’s station. “So....dreamy.”

 “Sure, who doesn’t?” You shrug, barely glancing up at the man. He’s 6’1 of solid muscle and the way he fills out those scrubs is just beautiful. 

“He doesn’t distract you?” She turns to look at you.

 “If he distracts me, patients die. So, no.” You flip through the medical file in front of you, making notations.

 “But he’s so...”

 “If you say distracting, I’ll smack you.”

 “Perfect?” She changes tactics and you snort.

 “With that ego?”

 “With that skill, and that ass? He can have that ego.” She gushes.

 “You’re hopeless. Also, you have patients to check on. Shouldn’t you be going?”

 “Fine. Party pooper.” She rolls her eyes and pushes off the counter.

 “That’s me, Miss Boring.” You mutter under your breath.

 “Who said you’re boring?” A deep voice says behind you, making you jump. 

 You turn to see James Buchanan Barnes leaning against the counter, arms and legs crossed as he smirks at you.

 “I did. And don’t sneak up behind people, Bucky.” You say, turning back to your files. 

 “Am I allowed to disagree with your assessment?”

 You snap the file shut and replace it in the binder. “You’re the Doctor. I’m just a nurse.” You start to walk away and he catches up easily with you. 

 “Do you know why I got into medicine in the first place?”

 “To help people?” You guess, rounding a corner.

 He snorts. “Yeah right. The nurses. I’ve always had a definite thing for nurses.” 

 You roll your eyes. “So original.” You snipe. 

 He pushes you into an on-call room and locks the door behind you.

 “Hey!”

 “Just shut up.” He pushes you against the wall and kisses you hard, his muscular arms wrapping around you and lifting you up.

 “We can’t keep doing this.” You moan as he kisses his way down your neck.

 “Why not?”

 “We’re going to get caught.”

 “That’d be fun. Let them watch.” He breathes against your neck.

 You pull back and look at him. “You think you know a guy.”

 He grins. “You don’t think so?”

 “I think that for one day you can keep it in your pants.” 

 “But it likes being in your pants so much better.” He grins, kissing you again.

 Shit, he’s a good kisser. 

 “You still owe me dinner for last night.”

 He groans and sets you down. “Fine. Dinner? My place? And then cardio after.”

 “If you’re nice, we can even do cardio before.”

 “You certainly know how to get me.” He grins. “I’ll meet you at my place.” He presses you into the wall and kisses you like a man half starved. He leaves you breathless and slips out the door. 

 “Fuck me.” You mutter, taking a second to collect yourself.

  Bucky left work before your shift was over, but that was fine. You don’t want people seeing you leaving together. So far, you both had maintained professionalism at work and no one was the wiser that you had been sleeping together for months. 

 You wanted it to stay that way.

 You drove to your place, took a quick shower and changed into your sexiest lingerie. Remembering what Bucky had said about nurses, you change into a clean pair of scrubs and stuff other clothes into your duffle bag. You skip out to your car and make the long drive to Bucky’s place. You knock on his door and he yanks it open, pulling you inside.

 “You kept me waiting.” He growls, pushing you against the wall in the hallway.

 You don’t bother to reply, instead, wrapping your arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. He breaks away long enough to peel off your shirt and groans as he looks at you.

 “Why don’t you wear these at work?” He fingers the strap of your bra.

 “Because you’d never let me leave the on-call room.” You roll your eyes, shimmying out of your pants.

 He steps back and watches with a sigh. “It’s really not fair how gorgeous you are.”

 “Are you going to stand there and whine or are you going to fuck me?” 

 He grins and scoops you up over his muscular shoulder. “Since you asked so nicely.”

 “You’re such a Neanderthal.” You mutter, but that doesn’t stop you from admiring the view or the way his muscles move under you.

 He dumps you on his bed and strips in probably what’s record time. Jesus, he’s beautiful. Solid muscle corded under his tan skin. Broad shoulders that you can’t help but cling to as he drives you higher and higher, leading down to narrow, powerful hips. Just thinking about how they pull back and snap forward into you already has you wet. And don’t even start about what’s hanging between his legs. Some guys just get all the genetic gifts, life isn’t fair like that.

 He grabs your ankles and pulls you to the edge of the bed, lowering himself to his knees.

 “I thought-” you start, looking down at him.

 “You thought I just wanted a quickie?” He grins, slowly peeling the lace off you.

 “It’s hardly quick with you.”

 He laughs, draping your legs over his shoulders. “I enjoy your reactions to all the skills I have to offer. Also, you’re delicious, and I’ve been drooling about this all day.” He hooks his arms around your thighs, spreading your lips.

 You thought you were prepared for his touch; that he’d start slow, but you should have known-he never does as you expect.

 He licks once from your slit to your clit, making you moan before he wraps his lips around your clit and sucks.

 “Oh, fuck!” You gasp as his intensity. You feel him grin as he starts flicking his tongue across it fast. You’re writhing on the bed, grinding against his mouth and panting. He knows exactly what he does to you. Your fingers twine in his long hair as he switches sensations. He lets your clit go with a pop and runs his flat tongue over it, lapping at it. The difference between fast and slow is agonizing. 

 Sex has never been this good. All your other partners have been takers. Bucky is definitely a giver and he learned your body quickly. He knows when you’re close, he knows exactly where your sensitive spots are. 

 You have never had to fake anything with him.

 Added bonus, your ‘dates’ consist of dinner at home and insanely great sex. 

 You’re his rebound, and that bugged you at first. But then you realized you got the benefits of dating without any of the fighting or hassle. 

 Just as he’s about to push you over the edge, he lifts his head. “Do you wanna take a break?” He’s grinning at you and you could just punch him.

 “Why the fuck would I want that?”

 He gives a cheeky shrug and takes you right back to the edge. He fluctuates between fast and slow, making you whine before giving you his all. His mouth is hot and needy as he sucks your clit, humming around it like a vibrator. You arch off the bed, hips bucking as you crash over the edge, crying out loudly. 

 He slows down with you, waiting until you’re ready before pulling his head away. “Know what I like about you?” He starts, crawling over top of you before rolling to the side.

 “I’m afraid to even guess.” You reply breathlessly.

 “You don’t talk when you’re cumming. Just gorgeous noises.” He grins, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. 

 “Listen, if I can form words at that moment, you aren’t really doing your job, are you?” You laugh.

 “Guess not.” He rolls over top of you. “Dinner’s ready. Let’s eat. I’ve worked up quite the appetite.”

 “You weigh a ton.” You grumble.

 “You never complain about me being on top.” He looks down at you.

 “You’re usually doing something more distracting.” You press your lips against his shoulder, trying to push him off you. 

 “This isn’t distracting enough?” He teases.

 You wiggle around, spreading your legs around his hips. “Not nearly as distracting as what I came over for.” You murmur, reaching down between your bodies to grasp his thick shaft. 

 He moans and pushes himself up, dragging your hand along his length. “Fine, but we’re eating naked.” He pulls you to your feet and your legs wobble slightly, still shaking from his efforts. 

 “Don’t we always?” 

 He turns you around so you’re facing away from him and he unhooks your bra. He slips his hands under the straps and slides it off your shoulders. He kisses along your neck, nibbling your ear as he cups your breasts. You lean back against him as he rubs his thumbs over your nipples.

 “There, now you’re dressed properly.” 

 You snort and pull away, moving through his house to the kitchen. “What did you make for me?”

 “Your favorite. Chicken parmigiana.”

 “Ugh. Say it again. I love when you speak Italian.” 

 “After we eat. Otherwise you’ll jump me in here. And I went to a lot of work.”

 “Fine.” Your stomach rumbles as he hands you a plate. “I never asked, where did you learn to cook?” You ask, grabbing a knife and fork. 

 “If you wanna eat, you have to cook. My dad was never a very good cook so I learned how so my sister and I wouldn’t starve.”

 You take a seat and begin to eat, savoring his wonderful cooking. “Do you have surgery early tomorrow?” You ask as he sits next to you. 

 “Ten. You’re staying over, don’t even think you’re getting off that easy.” 

 “It’s usually pretty easy with you.” You smirk and he nudges your arm. 

 You finish eating and take your plate to the sink. You’ve been to his place plenty of times in the past few months, enough to feel comfortable. You head for the bathroom in the master suite.

 When you emerge a few minutes later, the windows have been opened wide, letting in the cool sea breeze and the sounds of the waves crashing. Bucky is sprawled on the bed, one arm propped behind his head and his legs crossed at the ankles. 

 This is supposed to just be a no strings attached thing, but you can’t help but feel affection for the big man. He never fails to make you laugh, he can cook, the sex is amazing, and as far as you know, he doesn’t sleep around. 

 You cross the room and climb on the bed, straddling his thighs. His big hands rest on your hips and you lean forward, kissing him softly. His hands slide over your smooth skin to grip your ass, pulling you closer. You drag your fingernails over his scalp as he lines his shaft up with your slit. 

 You lower your hips, feeling his swollen head spread your lips and pop past your entrance with a satisfying pressure. You let out a soft moan against his mouth as you swivel your hips, lowering yourself nearly completely onto his shaft. He’s at the very end of your passage and there’s still over an inch to go. You’re breathing hard from the effort, hands braces against his deliciously broad shoulders.

 “Fuck, woman. You are so tight.” He growls, kissing you hard. 

 You clench your walls around him experimentally. He moans and rocks his hips up, pushing past your cervix. Heat, burning pleasure sears across your body, igniting your nerves.

 “Fuck.” You gasp.

 “We’re about to.” He grins, holding you tight against his body, beginning to rock his hips up, thrusting into you. 

 You have a scathing reply ready, but his steady strokes take your breath away. You bury your face in the crook of his neck, panting heavily. He grips your ass, his long fingers dragging on your skin as he picks up his pace. Little mewls escape as he thrusts faster and faster. His rhythm is perfect, too perfect for you to even move.

 Your inner walls flutter and spasm around him and he moans in your ear. The sound of his pleasure, of you giving him pleasure pushes you over the edge. You climax, head tipping back as your breath catches in your throat. He fucks you through it, the overwhelming pleasure freezing your body. 

 He slows, letting you catch your breath. “Still with me, gorgeous?” He brushes your hair back from your face. It clings to the sheen on your skin as you nod. 

 “Always.” You gasp.

 He kisses you deeply, rolling you over so that he hovers on top of you. He holds himself off you so you don’t feel much of his weight, but you crave it. 

 You want all of him. 

 You wrap your legs around his hips, pulling him deeper. You’re so full, stretching so much and you still want more. The sounds of the waves on the beach and his breaths in your ear and you’re lost in pure bliss. 

 He lowers himself to his elbows and you can feel his weight. He’s so muscular and fuck, he feels so good on top of you. His legs are tucked under your thighs as his hips snap forward faster and faster and he’s just as lost as you.

 “Bucky.”

 You don’t think you spoke, it’s not like you to be able to form words at a moment like this. Your eyes fly open and you look over his shoulder at the doorway, a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

 “I love you.” He breathes in your ear as you hear his name again.

 You cling to his shoulders, legs locked tight around his waist, eyes trained on the door as a beautiful woman steps into the doorway. You gasp as he picks up the pace, bordering on blistering as he buries his face in your neck, pressing kisses everywhere he can reach.

 “Fuck. I love you. How are you so perfect?” He moans, dragging loud moans from you as you stare at the woman. 

 She looks mortified but you can’t bring yourself to make Bucky stop. You can feel how close he is, you’re about to join him. 

 You turn your face to his, pulling his mouth towards yours. “I love you, too.” You gasp, kissing him. 

 His pace falters and within a few strokes he roots himself deep inside you, cumming with a growl. You can feel him pulsating as he pumps rope after rope inside, pushing you over the edge. You orgasm with a cry, your nails dragging on his muscular back as you arch into his chest. 

 “Bucky,” You gasp, tapping his shoulder, remembering the woman.

 He follows your gaze and sighs. “Way to ruin my night.” He mutters. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” He presses a lingering kiss to your lips before pushing himself off you. He grabs his boxers off the floor, pulling them on quickly before grabbing the woman by her arm and forcing her out the door. 

 You slide off the bed, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on before creeping to the door. You listen intently, wondering who she is. He certainly didn’t seem happy to see her.

 “You have to stop showing up here like this. You broke up with me. You shouldn’t even have a key anymore.”

 “Who is she?” The woman asks.

 “None of your business. Your only concern is driving home safely.”

 “Do you really love her? Or is that just something men say when a young pussy feels good?”

 “Not that it matters for you, but yes, I do. Didn’t plan on it, but there you have it. Now, will you leave so I can go fuck her again?” He snaps. There’s a slight pause and he snorts. “She doesn’t really like to share. I’m all hers now.”

 “Fine. Call me when you get bored of her.” The sound of the door shutting reaches you and you hurry back to the bed, your heart swelling. You lay across the bed on your stomach, pretending to examine your nails. 

 “How much of that did you hear?” He asks and you fake jump, turning to look over your shoulder.

 “I heard nothing.” You say and he snorts, climbing back onto the bed. 

 He lays the right way and gestures for you to join him. You crawl over and rest against his side, your head on his chest. 

 “I know you were listening.” His fingers are light on your bare arm, tickling you. “I meant every word.”

 You lean up and kiss him. “So did I. Let me know when you’re ready for round two. I can go all night with you.”

 He groans and pulls you on top of him. “Good.”

Tags:

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[thedreammweaver]

You Are My Destiny (Burton-schumachervers riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

Warnings: blood, murder, violence, arkham stuff, insecurities mention, poor self image mention

“Are you sure we should be putting him in here with...you know.”

“Who? Nygma? C’mon, he’s harmless. Poor son of a bitch can’t even talk anymore I doubt he’ll be any help to this one.”

Ed listened attentively to the orderlies outside his cell from where he was laying on his bed where he always was. He was aware that Arkham was facing an issue where they had more patients then cells and were cramming two or three into one cell despite regulations. Ed figured he was about to get a new cell mate, he didn’t very much care though. He’d given up caring about things months ago, at least now he’d have something to watch. He didn’t look up as he heard his cell door open and something being shoved in before the door was closed very quickly.

Oswald growled angrily as he worked at ripping off the muzzle that had been forced on him,?once it was off he chucked it into the wall. Ed just watched the other man look around the room, presumably for anything he could use to escape. He knew who Oswald was and Oswald had heard of the riddler but they’d never crossed paths before now, what an odd way to meet. Oswald immediately ruled out the vent as a way to escape, knowing very well that he would never fit through even if he could reach. It was the same with the high window, even if he could get the bars off of the it was too small for him to fit through as well. He cursed his ample form and decided to instead inspect the ginger man laying on one of the beds. “So you’re the infamous Riddler, huh?” Ed only looked through Oswald, not making eye contact. “Damn, they really did a number on you..poor bastard.”

    Over the next few days Ed payed close attention to Oswald though nobody was aware that Ed could pay close attention to anything anymore. He listened to Oswald rant about how it took a lot of care to properly make clothes for someone of his unique proportions otherwise there’s problems like the ones the hastily made striped jumpsuit he was in presented. Some of the seams had already started to give in places where it hugged his frame. He also complained about how the wide stripes made him look bigger, Ed didn’t think that but he’d gathered Oswald’s perception of his own appearance wasn’t the best. Ed wanted to tell the other man he was beautiful...but he couldn’t , that was a weird thing to think about a stranger and yet Ed thought it and thought it again. He always watched with great interest when the orderlies came to take Oswald for ‘therapy’. It took nearly five of them to do it, one of them almost always got bitten before they could force the muzzle on. Sedatives only seemed to make Oswald angrier, for someone of his short stature he could surprisingly hold his own in a fight. Ed missed Oswald when he was gone and was excited when he heard him being brought back down the hallway, he hadn’t felt excitement for the year and a half he’d been in Arkham besides when Chase Meridian came to see him...but that felt like decades ago. Ed was so intrigued by the shorter man’s habits, how he snored, how he twitched so much in his sleep, how he was a perfect mix of refined and crass. He was funny too, Ed forgot what funny felt like. Oswald must’ve felt comfortable around Ed cause he told him a lot. About his childhood, about himself, just a lot. Ed had started imagining they were best friends until it progressed to something more. When Oswald told stories of past romantic or sexual escapades Ed always imagined the person Oswald was speaking about was him, that’s when he realized he’d already started thinking of Oswald as a lover. The thought of Oswald being his made Ed feel and care and want, he never wanted that to stop.

     It was night now, Oswald couldn’t sleep. He lined his flippers up with the moonlight coming through the small window and made a shadow puppet of a bat on the wall. Ed made the effort to turn his head to the wall to look. “Oh, you like that, huh?” He chuckled as he made the bat flap it’s wings and started mimicking bat noises. “I see without seeing...to me darkness is as clear as daylight...” Ed recalled to himself so quietly it barely qualified as a whisper, his voice weak from disuse. Oswald didn’t hear him over his self entertainment. Ed smiled softly, that was it, he had to make Oswald his, he couldn’t stand not to. While still watching the other man he reached under his bed and felt for the screw that held the leg of the bed to the metal frame. He began turning it with his fingers, it was difficult as due him being catatonic for so long and Arkham’s failure to administer frequent physical therapy Ed’s strength had somewhat deteriorated. He felt the screw dig and cut into his fingers but he kept turning as he watched Oswald get bored of the shadow puppetry and turn over to try and sleep.

“Alright, up we go, Nygma.” One of the orderlies said as they pulled Ed to his feet. “Fuck, why is he bleeding?” The other one said in disgust as he noticed the blood dripping from Ed’s fingers.

“I don’t know, must be biting himself or something, who cares.”

Ed was slumped down in the chair as the doctor ‘evaluated’ him. Really it was just routine, he didn’t actually care how Ed was doing. “How do you like you’re new cell mate, Edward?” He asked rhetorically, knowing Ed wouldn’t answer. “I hope, for your sake, that you won’t miss him when he’s gone tonight.” The doctor said, looking through files on his desk “Since I know you can keep a secret and I’ve been just dying to tell someone about this little project, I’m going to let you in on something very exciting.” There was evil in the man’s smile as he continued “You see, our dear Mr. Cobblepot is not insane. Disturbed? Most definitely, however, not crazy so there’s no reason for him to be here.....but being a man of science I can’t just release him.” He got up to look through a file cabinet on the other side of the room “I mean, the man is a medical anomaly. The syndactyly alone would be enough but there is so much more....anyways, I’ve decided I must dissect him. I’m afraid that means you’ll be back to being alone by tomorrow morning, dear Edward.” It was easy for Ed to hide his distress but inside his mind was racing. They were going to dissect Oswald? Take him away? Take Ed’s Oswald away? No...they weren’t, Ed wouldn’t let them.

     Ed waited patiently that night for the orderlies to come busting in, Oswald’s snoring soothed him for now as he worked at the screw under his bed. It felt like it had started digging into his bone now, Ed didn’t care he kept turning. The door opened quietly, only one orderly came in. He was holding a syringe, Ed deduced that it had to be something lethal as they quickly stopped bothering with sedatives on Oswald in the first day. Ed finally got the screw out, seething as he watched the orderly walk over to Oswald. Filled with a determination only love could bring about, Ed ripped the leg from the bed frame and forced his tired body over to the syringe armed man. “MINE!” he yelled as he brought the metal stick down on the man’s head, the feral declaration of ownership startled Oswald awake but Ed didn’t stop, he brought the metal down on the man’s head over and over again, how dare he try to take his Oswald away. Spotting the syringe in the orderlies hand Oswald quickly worked out that Ed must be protecting him. Ed stopped once the orderly’s face was just a puddle of viscera “Mine..” he asserted quietly once more, his throat already hurting from yelling.

    Oswald stopped to catch his breath once he and Ed hadn’t heard the alarms from Arkham for a few miles. “Thanks,” Oswald said sincerely “I guess we can go our separate ways now-“ he was cut off by Ed suddenly hugging him and shaking his head in disapproval of that idea, almost in a panic. It took Oswald only a second to realize that Ed didn’t save him because he just needed someone to escape with, he saved him simply because he was in danger. “O-Oh,” Oswald was a bit flustered as the ginger man bear hugged him as if he meant everything to him “So it’s like that, is it?” he smirked, gently pushing Ed off. “Hmm, you’re cute,” he mumbled while studying the taller man’s face “I guess we can stick together for a while.” He grabbed Ed’s hand and they kept moving. Ed was grinning ear to ear as Oswald led him. ‘A while?’ He thought ‘I think you mean forever.’

[pi-creates]

Have you caught covid ever, Pi? Are you nervous about it?

[preface that this is a long winded talk of medical problems - ignore this if that sorta stuff is upsetting to you]

Ok, so this is going to be a longer response than you probably are interested in, so the short version is that I think I got infected with Covid-19 early last year, but due to my inability to get tested until way later, I’ve been told that it’s unlikely I’ll know for certain if I was until there’s blood tests to detect trace amounts of antibodies readily available.

=====

So the long version is that I was having some bizarre breathing problems in February/March (I can’t remember the exact time) last year, and I made an appointment to get tested. When I went to get tested, I was told because I hadn’t been overseas in the past 2 weeks and I couldn’t name a direct link to a confirmed case, then I couldn’t have Covid and therefore couldn’t get tested.

This was utter bullshit because this was around the same time that Tom Hanks was vacationing here and hospitalised at the local-ish university hospital. There was Covid in the community, unless they wanted me to believe Tom and his wife didn’t visit the beach or the shops, or anywhere with people. And aside from that - how does the first person get tested for everyone to connect to later? Funny how it looks like nobody is sick when you don’t let them be tested.

Regardless, I’m not a doctor, so I wanted to believe this guy. I told him I was having breathing issues, random fever spikes, nausea from being hyper aware of my own breathing, and a weird inability to think clearly. I described my breathing problem as “like asthma, but different and in the bottom of my chest instead of the top” and mentioned that along with the bottom half of my lungs feeling constricted, it felt like any air that I breathed deep into my lungs wasn’t doing anything. I only felt like I wasn’t out of breath if I was breathing faster and at the top of my chest – this is not how I normally breathe and it was a conscious effort to change that.

But I apparently didn’t have a low blood oxygen level at the time, and it didn’t sound like my lungs were obstructed. Which I did tell him that I didn’t currently feel out of breath because I had changed my breathing pattern to not feel that way – but that was what was making me feel sick.

He told me what I was experiencing was a complication with asthma and allergies… conditions I’ve had for a long time and know what they feel like. This wasn’t that. It didn’t feel like that. But again, not a doctor, if he wants to prescribe me with more steroids and a red inhaler, then I was open to trying it and seeing if it helped.

Then as I was leaving, he gave me this weird look and told me to continue staying isolated until my symptoms were gone.

But like… in case someone catches my allergies? Or asthma? This didn’t make sense to me. That made it sound like he thought I was infected. Which I think may have been true in retrospect, and that maybe there was some regulation that meant he couldn’t test me without confirmation of a transmission point.

In any case, I got my medication and inhaler. I hadn’t ever used the red inhalers since my asthma is very mild and strictly allergic asthma that I can normally get through without a complete airway closure. And that red inhaler hurt. A lot. It was awful, it made it so much more painful to breathe. And honestly, I don’t feel like it fixed anything.

Still I persisted with the medication. And I got worse.

I couldn’t lie on my back, at all. I would wake up in the night because I had rolled onto my back and lost feeling in my lips and fingers. For some reason I was having difficulty walking properly because my knees wouldn’t “lock”. I couldn’t read because I couldn’t remember enough words in order to understand the context. I had one really weird day where everything tasted wrong. I never again want to taste a roast chicken that tastes like sour lollies.

And the thing is, we were told to not go to the hospital unless it was urgent, and I never had a symptom that I couldn’t at least manage to a degree that made me not feel like I was in danger. I would lean severely forward while sitting and I could breathe better. I would take breaks every half hour or so to lie on my stomach and breathe. I slept a lot and spent a lot of time lying down or sitting because walking was exhausting. Also had a rather long stint where I would fall asleep randomly during the day while sitting up.

And the weird thing was that as the symptoms slowly dissipated over like 3 months, I had roughly 2 weeks where I felt normal again. I thought it was over, and that maybe I’d feel weak for a while, but it was over.

Then it was like getting hit with a second wave. Breathing was weird, but not the same degree, I could not think at all, still couldn’t read properly, I was sooo tired, and now I also was having random heart palpitations and sudden blood pressure fluctuations (I started checking my own blood pressure because I could physically feel something wrong and yeah, I was dropping into low and then going higher than normal on other occasions).

So like…. It was weird.

I went to the doctor and was told I had “post-viral fatigue” … meaning those allergies and asthma, that was a virus. Funny...

And I’m not the only one in my family who got sick. I got sick after trying to take care of my Ma who got sick. She actually managed to push harder on tests because we had all the exact same symptoms (but with me being 2 weeks behind) and she was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome from this – and whether that lasts forever or will dissipates is unknown in this case.

So yeah….

Does that sound like Covid to you?

Because I still don’t feel like myself. Most of the bigger symptoms are gone, but I have so little energy and had mild muscular atrophy from being sick for so long. And it really feels like the more I try to fix my muscular weakness, the more tired I get. More strength, but less stamina. And sometimes I just can’t think at all, it’s like every single thought just leaves my brain. It sucks. I am living in hope that if I keep active that maybe I can push through it…. But like, there’s good days and bad days.

The last few days have been bad days. For a few reasons, but extreme fatigue is one of them.

I do seriously hope that what has happened to me isn’t common with people who do get infected – but it is equally frustrating trying to explain these things to people who don’t seem to understand why I’m so tired. Because there is a lot of focus on how to help people in the peak symptoms (which is a good thing), but that focus is gone once you’re out of the woods (bad thing). I just want to know if what I’m going through will resolve eventually.

And to answer the second part of your question… I’m not nervous about getting Covid anymore - I’m pretty sure I had it and I am very careful around people now. But I am nervous that the lingering effects won’t go away.

[that-damn-girl]

Boomerang

(Oneshot)

Pairing: Sam Wilson x (cis)female!reader

Words: 3000+

Type: Not exactly fluff, but not angst either. Smut. Happy ending.

Warnings: Smut ahead. It's not exactly cheating, but idk what exactly your definition of cheating is. So just warning. Happy ending though. Not proofread. 

Summary: You only know what you had after you've lost it. Although it's been two years since you've broken up, you can't forget about Sam.

A/N: This is in answer to a request by the wonderful @princessmisery666 . The song prompt requested was 'Boomerang' by Mic Lowry. Honey, my writing isn't as good as you, but I hope you like it.

I know why you're calling me

'Cause he can't love you like you want him to

You know I hit it properly

But nobody do it like me and you

"So," You started, feeling a bit awkward, playing with your bracelet as you sat stiffly, "How's life?"

You had bumped into Sam in the streets of New York City, purely coincidentally. You were on the way to your apartment from the store, hands filled with snacks as your dinner, when you bumped into Sam. He was walking over from the other direction, fully concentrated on typing furiously in his phone to notice anything else.

You didn't mean to start a conversation with your ex from two years ago, but after seeing him out of the blue you couldn't keep yourself from loudly gasping, 'Oh my god, Sam?' He had looked taken aback at the sudden outburst of his name; and at seeing you too. He had a baseball cap and a pair of reflectors on; in a 'disguise', in hopes that nobody would recognise the new Captain America.

Although you felt awkward, you didn't want things to be so. You didn't want to let him know that you were still hung up on him while in another relationship.

As you made small conversation, he asked you if you were free to have dinner, just to catch up. You didn't want to say yes, but you did thinking it would be better than whatever junk you initially intended to munch upon. Moreover, it was just to catch up, right?

Right?

It's funny how everything changes, but still remains the same

Something like a boomerang, you're coming 'round my way

'Cause I've been hearing all these rumors

That you've been seeing someone new

You went to a pizza place nearby. You seemed to have run out of topics when you asked that question.

Sam smiled. Well, he always either smiled or smirked, "It's been a little stressful lately." He shrugged, "But life always is. You say." He did that cute little head tilt of his.

You didn't want to drown in him, in the memories he brought back with himself, but you did. If he noticed yourself looking at him with a distant gaze, he didn't comment.

"Well, my boss is the same piece of shit she's always been. My rent got increased with no promotion in sight. Same old, same old. How's Bucky?"

"Oh, he's doing much better than the last you saw him, actually. My man is killin' it. He is much more open now. The nightmares are very rare now. From what I hear, his therapy's going great. Also, remember Sharon? Yeah, Bucky and her are kind of a thing now." Sam said, leaning forward and keeping his hands criss-crossed on the table, which bulged out his biceps.

"Oh," you said, taking a moment to think but having a hard time imagining Bucky and Sharon as a couple; and also trying to get the flashing memories of his hands from around you out of your head, "Really? Wouldn't have guessed those two."

"Yeah, it was a shocker for me too! But they are just at the start of it, so let's see how it actually goes." Sam shrugged, "Enough of him, though. Tell me about your man." Sam didn't miss the way your smile faltered just for a second.

But you addicted to my addiction

It's time for you to stay away, away

So call the medical, can get a little dose

I got an antidote for that body

We're compatible, ain't no need to take it slow

You knew you had gotten in your current relationship with Jason as a way to get over Sam, because you couldn't get the thoughts of him out of your mind even after a year of breaking up with him. Now nearly reaching your first year anniversary, you still couldn't.

You knew you should've felt guilty for misleading Jason, but you somehow didn't. The year you had spent with him made you realise that the two of you never had a connection as deep as you and Sam did in the six months you were together.

Moreover, it didn't even feel like Jason was actually trying. That night was supposed to be a date night. As you were nearly ready, dressed to the nines and eagerly awaiting the forthcoming hours, for the third time in a row Jason had cancelled. He had had made plans with his work friends which he had forgotten about. As his boss was included too, he couldn't ditch them last minute. That is why you had planned on munching all the junk available you could get your hands on and dwell in your sorrows.

You understood. You always did.

Things like this only prompted your subconscious brain to point out the vast differences between him and Sam. You had gotten with him not long after he had to handle Captain America's mantle. The first few weeks had been extremely stressful for Sam, yet that didn't deter him from being the ever dotting boyfriend to you. Plans were hardly ever cancelled, and when they were, the newer ones were worth wait.

"Jason," You looked around, not daring to hold eye contact with Sam, "He's a great guy." Yet, Sam easily caught onto your bluff. He didn't say anything though, sparring you the embarrassment.

Truth be told, he was internally satisfied to know that your current wasn't as good as him, but he hid that well. Despite it he wasn't happy. How could he, when you weren't.

You talked about Jason, exaggerating his goodness. It felt like you were trying to make yourself believe that indeed he was as good as you said. Moving on from him, you asked Sam if he had gotten someone in his life.

Sam dipped his head, suddenly finding the napkin on his lap extraordinarily interesting, "There's been no one but you, Y/N." As he looked up, you couldn't help but let your breath hitch as his eyes bore into yours. He put on a smile which couldn't mask the seriousness and melancholy behind his words which you knew in an instant they were nothing if not true.

"Sam..." You started, but the phone ringing, flashing your best friend's name saved you from having to reply to the mind boggling discovery.

I know, I know, I know

I know why you're calling me

'Cause he can't love you like you want him to

You know I hit it properly

But nobody do it like me and you

I know what you need, girl, you know this also

As your call had ended, Sam brought up discussions from the pop culture and you two fell back into conversation, the earlier revelation being completely ignored. Soon your meal was over. As you the stepped onto the sidewalk, Sam insisted that he walked you home. You didn't think it was a good idea, but Sam claimed that it was rather late and he couldn't relax until he made sure you were safe and sound in your house. So you agreed.

The conversation was light, as before. None dared to jump into the talks of feelings, not trusting themselves keep their hands to themselves.

When you reached your building, 'It was good to meet you after so long's were said and goodbyes were exchanged. As Sam saw you climb up the stairs to the front door, walking away from him yet again, he couldn't bear the pain of letting you go so soon; of not being the one to hold you close in your lows; of not trying; of not telling you the one thing which had been on his mind the entire night and regretting it later.

He climbed up to you in two long strides, skipping a few steps in between. Just as you were about to open the gate, he turned you around, and clashed his lips with yours. Shocked by the suddenness, you pressed you lips to harder. They were sweet and plump, just as you remembered.

I'll leave the key up under the door

So you can come on, get on top of me

So I can fuck you like you want me to, like you want me to

I'm told you want it

Girl, like you want me, too

I'm told you want it

He immediately pulled back only a second later. His hands cupped your face as his forehead leaned against yours. "Baby girl," That nickname, that damn nickname, "I love you still, so fucking much. Know that I've waited for you, and I'll always wait for you."

Not giving you anytime to think about it, he climbed down the steps and walked away into the shadows of the night. You stared at his retreating figure dumbfounded, your own heart beats loud and clear in your ear, making you doubt when what happened was actually true or was it just one of your daydreams .

~~~

Sweet yet powerful, that's how the memories you carried of being with Sam were. You'd never had had to think about putting effort into your relationship as things things escalated; how you'd seemed to know what other needed when, the trust into each other, the support for each other, the understanding; everything had come naturally.

Your relationship had ended only because of your fear of being close anyone.

You hadn't known you'd fall for Sam as deep and hard as you did. 'I love you's were said. You were happy. When he asked you to move in with him, you weren't.

Commuting to and fro from work to you was a work in itself. Sam knew you wouldn't like the idea because of how scared you were if your own feelings, so he never raised the question. However, it slipped past his lips on the night of your six month anniversary, after a nerve wrecking session in bed. Perhaps he really had wrecked his nerves between his brain and mouth when those words left his lips despite knowing better.

Overwhelmed at the fast pace of everything going in and around you, you immediately left his home. You were scared like all good things, this was just a dream; that he would leave you as soon as you allowed him to breakdown that last layer of boundary you had protected yourself behind all your life.

You figured, getting your heart broken then was better than later.

He gives you that basic kinda loving, now all you do is complain

(I bet the neighbors don't know his name)

You know I got that boomerang (boomerang) so I come through late, oh oh oh oh

So shout me when you coming through, right

You ain't gotta tell me what to do tonight

As you sat across Jason the next day, eating the dinner which was initially planed to be had a day before, you couldn't get Sam out of your mind. Though you yourself loved him still, it was hard for you to accept that after the bizarre note on which you ended things, he still loved you to this day.

You moved your food around the plate, your mind working overtime enough to kill any appetite.

You looked up at Jason, animatedly telling you about his week at work, without having yet asking about yours. Sam never did that, your brain said. No matter what, he always loved hearing you talk about your days, not caring how shitty or monotonous they were. He also loved talking about his, excitedly gushing about the love and support he recieved and carefully leaving out the gruesome details of the missions he went on. He was Captain freaking America, yet he never made you feel any less.

You're addicted to my addiction

It's time for you to stay away, away, yeah

So call the medical, can get a little dose

I got an antidote for that body

We're compatible, ain't no need to take it slow

Work had always been important for Jason. For many it is. It was important for you as well. It was important for Sam too, yet you were always his top priority. Albeit not before saving the world at last minute notifications, but in a way you were his world too.

As Jason kept on and on talking about himself and only himself, you couldn't help but cherish how Sam had been anything but self centred. He was selfless almost to a fault.

You sat there, staring at the face of one man but thinking of another. As your brain pointed out the differences between the two one after the other, something in your brain clicked.

You grabbed his hand at once, not giving any second thought to what you said and what you did, "Jason," When he got your attention, you said, "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, but it's over."

Jason gaped at you open mouthed, flabbergasted at how out of the blue it was, "I- what- Y/N?"

He watched you stand up and put a few bills down on the table. Before leaving, you turned to him and said, "It's okay, I won't miss you."

You left in a hurry. On the sidewalks you hailed a cab and gave the directions to Sam's place.

I know, I know, I know

I know why you're calling me

'Cause he can't love you like you want him to

You know I hit it properly

But nobody do it like me and you

I know what you need, girl, you know this also

I'll leave the key up under the door

So you can come on, get on top of me

So I can fuck you like you want me to, like you want me to

I'm told you want it

Girl, like you want me to

I'm told you want it

You chewed your lips as stared out the window. You should've known that you wouldn't have been able to stay away from him; that you were bound to return to him, like a boomerang.

You felt like a bitch, and not in a good way. Though your feelings hadn't lessened, you realised what a fool you were in leaving Sam only after being with Jason. It wasn't ideal and you weren't the most proud person around, but the heart wants what it wants.

As soon as the cab stopped, you paid and hurried to Sam's door. Pressing the doorbell, you only wished he didn't have any plans for the evening. When he didn't answer the door right away, your anxiety started gnawing at you.

What were you thinking? Of , course he'd have plans on a Saturday night. He's Captain America, for heaven's sake. Of fucking course he'd be busy. It was so stupid of you -

"Y/N?" Sam gasped. Not in his wildest dreams had he thought that he'd find you on his porch, deranged like you were. He didn't even think you'd come back to him after the stunt he pulled the previous night.

This time round, you gave him no time to ponder as holding his neck you brought him down and kissed his lips with all the strength you could muster. After getting over the initial shock, Sam picked you up by your waist in a second and you gladly wrapped your legs around him. He closed the door and pushed you against it.

You pulled back, clutching his face softly, "Sam, Sam, I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry." He put you down, cupping your tear stained face. He tried to stop you, but you continued, "I shouldn't have had left you. I was just so scared, Sam. I thought you would've left me eventually." You paused, taking a deep breath, "I love you Sam, so fucking much."

Sam hugged you close, petting your head, whispering sooth calming words. You said still, "I broke up with him. I'm sorry I didn't realise it sooner. Please, have me back Sam...I understand if you're upset with me, and you got every right -"

Sam shut you up with his lips, which unhurriedly moved against yours, warming up your heart and soul, "Baby," He breathed against you, "You don't gotta be sorry about anything," He moved to your ears, whispering, "I love you, honey. So glad you're back."

He descended to take your lips in his once again, biting them ever so softly. Licking and sucking your lips as if it were the last time he'd kiss you, Sam picked you up and carried you to his bed, on which he dropped you down unceremoniously before caging you between him and his bed.

Now I got your head up in the pillow

Girl, you can't say nothing, can't say nothing

I'ma have you here like a boomerang

Make you wanna say something, wanna say something

His arms went under your shirt, lifting it, drawing his hands up and down your sides. Littering you neck with kisses, he raised your shirt over your head. Your own hands moved to his back beneath his shirt. He removed his own, and soon, the both of you undressed completely.

When his mouth went back on yours, his skin moved against yours, sating the need to be close to him. His hand went down lower, messaging your clit with his calloused fingers. You let out a moan as the electric pulses raced down your nerves.

You drifted lower to the skin beneath his ear right above his pulsing vein, sucking and nipping at it. Sam moaned sinfully in your ear, relocating his fingers in your channel and slowly easing into it. The heel of his palm worked magic on your clit while his fingers leisurely yet steadily brought you cleaser.

Panting, you said, "S-Sam, I need you."

"Baby girl..." Sam whispered, increasing his pace.

"I need you right now. Please, Sam," You whimpered, unable to control yourself as your back arched.

"You sure, honey?" Sam asked. As soon as you voiced out your confirmation, he took his hard length in his hand and stroked it before placing it near your entrance. He slid it up and down your slit, teasing you nub everytime he touched it.

Fixing his length in front of your entrance, Sam groaned as he pushed inside, "Ah, baby girl."

You whimpered, surprised by the stretch but welcomed it with open arms. Your walls clutched his member hard, letting you feel every protruding vein pulsing inside you. Not wanting to wait any longer, you gripped his ass, pushing him further inside you and urging him to move.

He started out slow, taking his time, enjoy the feel of you around snugly around him, leisurely soothing the want you both had. After a handful of strokes though, he couldn't contain himself. He hadn't touched in so long, hadn't felt you in so fucking long. He needed to like a starved needed food.

Balancing his weight on his arms, he thrust inside you again and again without any restrain. You moaned loudly as his bulbous head hit your g-spot at the new angle. He railed you into the bed, grunts escape every so often, charging you up even more.

He kissed sucked the skin of your neck, marking you, laying his claim on you. The meaty and veiny member of his soothed the need of friction inside you.

"Sam..." You squeezed his ass, moaning his name repeatedly. He in turn moaned into you ear you good you took him, how good your velvety walls felt around him. Sensing him nearing his climax, he rubbed you bundle of nerves expertly with his fingers.

"Cum for me, baby girl," You closed your eyes and arched your back, letting out a silent scream as white hot pleasure ran through your veins when you came. Feeling your walls clench around him, he couldn't help himself as his face contorted into pleasure; his pace faltering as he released himself in you.

His head fell down in the crook of your neck, splaying gentle kisses around every surface he could reach. With the promise of more beautiful times, he tucked you in his arms as he rolled onto his side and the both of went into a peaceful slumber.

~~~

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CUSTOMER SERVICE

E T S Y

Darling Fallon    Sep 3, 2013

Sensational (sin-sational!). i write on behalf of myself (S) and my lover (m). we have been ripped off by bulk-produced molded hoods before and i can only say HAND CUT LATEX ONLY never look back!! worth the money and will eventually pay for itself. neck fit like loving glove and adds dynamic intensifier to breathplay. Lovely proprietor replied prompt when “m” had questions re: breathability (she added extra breathing hole at no extra cost). class acts all around (and not just in our dungeon!) will return for more but “m” needs a break first if u get the drift lol1!! thanks to lady j!

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Latex Chrysalis Hood (translucent…

3 Helpful

  myMister   Aug 24, 2013

this one writes on behalf and with permission of MISTER. this one quaked with bliss when package arrived. truly awful to behold in the wise hands of MISTER. this one’s neck is small and delicate For His Pleasure and all item adjustments were made to order and did not affect shipping time. if this one could be so efficient For His Pleasure this one would be in heaven on earth. instead, this one is less than a hole. item truly enhanced <O sensation. without a doubt will be used over and over in this household for due punishments of this very worthless one. discrete pgk’ing. thanks to designer J for deepening this one’s service to MISTER.

(NOTE FROM MISTER – WILL PROPRIETER PLEASE PRIVATELY EMAIL TO DISCLOSE IF YOU ARE MALE/FEMALE/OTHER SO “myMister” (this one) WILL BE ABLE TO PROPERLY ADDRESS YOU IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FORMAL ROLE)

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Throttle Collar w/ attached Gas…

1 Helpful

  JulieJuice   August 3, 2013

LOL rip-off!!! cant believe all u ppl sucking this guys dick. says everywhere in product descript. (and you guys reviews!!) that custom sizing is no additl. cost but mine cost more!! only small alteration to titty holes cause of my cleave situation. bullshit. not buying from him again.

Response from J

Hi again Julie. If you check our many enlightening inbox conversations from 7/5-7/16 you will be reminded the additional cost was due to your request of more ring hinge insertions as the standard amount in pattern block “was not bling enough”. Cleavage was irrelevant. Sizing related alterations are always no added cost. Custom alterations requiring additional materials/effort and adjusted pricing will always be discussed and approved on client end before any exchange of payment.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Hexagon Restrictor Harness…

HELPFUL?

  HannahCakes!    Jun 1, 2013

Hey Whats Up I’m Caleb (obviously don’t have an etsy) and using my lady’s account. She got the catsuit for my birthday and she looked so sexy like J-Lo or someone. Didn’t want her doin the latex stuff because I thought shed have to shave off all her pubes and personally i like that kind of thing a lot but no harm done. Anyway she was super sexy and the suit thing looked good and stayed together even when we started rockin. To other full bush guys out there if youre girl wants to wear the latex stuff SHE CAN KEEP HER BUSH she just has to use lube to oil up the bush that she has.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Domina Catsuit w/ Pussycat Zipper (red…

7 Helpful

  HannahCakes!   3 months ago   Friend   Ignore

Caleb Review

Hi J,

Saw my boyfriend’s 6/1 review and I was like uh ohhh. I asked him to leave one because he went gaga over the catsuit, but I wasn’t expecting all the bush stuff. If you don’t want to be associated with that and want to delete, that’s ok on my end. A little embarrassing! – Hannah!

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

Hi Hannah. Please don’t worry about it, any positive review is welcome. His feedback has apparently hit a chord with some specific hesitations and concerns buyers have been experiencing but not confiding with me, so I plan on keeping it up for the time being. Enjoy your garment.

  JoeyoftheHerd    3 months ago   Friend   Ignore

Moo-cow snout muzzle thing – (idea i had)

Hi. Is this idea good

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    3 months ago    Friend   Ignore

Hi Joey. Are you interested in a custom cow muzzle/mask, like the pup play masks on my page or are you just brainstorming for personal reasons?

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

idk it’s just an idea i had

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

It’s a cool idea

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd    3 months ago    Friend    Ignore

Thanks man i thought so 2

1234Brett10093456    3 months ago   Friend   Ignore

I REMEMBER YOU FROM RAWHIDE

JULES yes I know who you are and I know your name are you scared yet?? I remember when you used to hang with Roscoe out at Rawhide because Roscoe pretended to hire you because he secretly wanted to fuck and suck you till you cried and I saw all that. I have brown flippy hair, blue eyes and am tall/cut versatile but lean TOP. I know you faked being gay. You heard of bi-now-gay-later but have you heard of gay-then-straight-betrayer (you)? That is fucked up that you still sell stuff but pretend to be a gay guy because that makes your stuff sell better because the gay guys want to fuck you. I know you are faking because my muscle bud Tomas (latino) saw you making out with a ginger chick at the wet bar in Entrance last week. He said it was probably a joke but I know it wasn’t because he said he saw tongue. I wont let you be a breeder without a fight. I am willing to tell EVERYBODY YOURE SECRET. But I wont if you prove to me YOU CAN STILL BE GAY. Im attaching a pic of my cock so you know im not lying and can follow through. I will only believe YOU ARE GAY if we can see each other face/face (i can host only on fri- I have two roommates) and our cocks have to touch and you have to stay hard for at least five minutes while I suck and jack your cock and tongue your balls (shave or dont i will leave that up to you). condoms ok but if you want to be a breeder so bad maybe I will just breed your ass but if youre actually a gay guy you’ll like it and cum thick ropes as I fuck your dirty little slut hole and youll tell me youre a hole while I fuck it with the shiny precum head of my cut fucking cock (7inches erect). you will smell my hole and BECOME GAY again IT WILL HAPPEN  - Brett Costino

  TheSteelyDanMan   2 months ago   Friend   Ignore

Latex & Breastfeeding Concerns

Good morning, J I hope you are well. Returning customer, here. My kajira/wife and I are splinter Gor lifestylers (NOT KAOTIANS) [link] but are currently isolated due to our deviation from standard kajira beautification ideals and the arrival of our first child (girl - Gemma) two months ago. My wife���s submission has usually been expressed fashion-wise in various strict latex outfits, a few of which you have kindly provided us over the past couple of years. Naturally, the arrival of a mini-me results in some changes! My wife, insecure after birth, wants to return to strict full-coverage latex, but this desire is at odds with her physical situation of actively nursing Gemma and we both have worries. Does the constriction of latex effect or otherwise harm milk production, or could secondhand latex exposure harm our baby? I imagine you have catered to many lifestyle situations where this might be relevant so I thought I would ask. Thanks very much. LEO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    2 months ago    Friend    Ignore

Hi Leo. While I have catered to many lifestyles, I’m afraid I must exercise discretion in this situation, as it would be on par with giving medical advice. I will say any allergy is a possibility and one should exercise undue care with a very young infant, not just in matters of latex. I highly encourage you and your wife to discuss this with her doctor as frankly as possible. In the long run it might be worth reevaluating aspects of your wife’s submission and temporarily making do with latex pieces that do not restrict the breasts, while nursing is a part of her daily reality (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you examples are available on my page). Best of luck and congratulations on the new addition to your family.

  NoraBarnacle    2 months ago   Friend   Ignore

A sincere offer…

Several months ago, I bought a pair of latex gauntlet gloves from your shop. Since then, astonishing changes have come over me. I used to be high-powered, highly controlled, a formidable woman (natural ash blond, green eyes, 45”-40”-44”) I was determined to keep these feelings to myself, but I can no longer resist, as I wholeheartedly believe your Dominating spirit, imbued in the gauntlets, is leading me forcefully but masterfully into your care. If it pleases you, know I have not touched my aching slit for one month total as I am uncertain whether you desire me to feel pleasure that is not approved by you. There are no images of you on your site, but I have drawn an accurate picture of you in my mind and I know you are the Man that I never knew I was waiting for, the Man who will lead me, the Man who will hold my neck and strike my forehead to his knee in his insistence that I allow myself to be led. When I wear the gauntlets, they are your own gallant hands restricting my weak bones. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I do not desire to resist. Please message back so I can properly present my acquiescence, body and soul, unto you. I squat disgracefully on my plump thighs, full of whorish tremor that makes me unworthy, but still I desire. I will service your home with my ardent hands and service your thick and striving cock with my wet tongue. Respond to this small soul. I submit to your gallant wisdom – A Secret Admirer

  RicoMetals   1 month ago   Friend   Ignore

Redhead Modle in Pic for Serve Her Serrated Corselette

Hey man-to-man who is she. I love redheads. Does she modle for other people/would she modle for my pieces? there’s no head in the pick – what’s her nose situation? we could all do collab and I think it would be hot. Let me kno - RICO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear    1 month ago    Friend    Ignore

Hi Rico. I have not blocked you (yet) because said model wanted me to reply to you first and inform you, she’s already an established performer in her own right and does not want to model for a guy who “thinks I need some sissy seamstress to pimp me out to shitty welders online”. As I only have basic welding experience, I can offer no further comment or defense on your behalf.

  DerryBerry454   1 month ago   Friend   Ignore

Inquiry re: standard leather sleep-sack dimensions

Hello Miss J, quick question:

I will buy this item no hesitation no delay if you tell me right now about your vagina. Questions I prioritize:

1.     Color labia (outer)

2.     Color labia (inner – aroused)

3.     Clit length in centimeters or whatever measurement is most flattering to you

4.     Range of clit engorgement

5.     Depth of vaginal canal (I will allow ballpark figure as I know not everyone has graded speculums lying around)

6.     Percentage of clit orgasms v. vaginal orgasms – bonus points if you describe uterine orgasm, if that is your experience (no pressure to answer last part, as I understand it is not necessarily vagina-adjacent)

7.     Are you hairy? What color?

8.     When you wash your vagina do you douche or do you use fingers to rub through labia folds and that is it?

9.     Color of menstrual blood

10.  If you wear panties, do you find the crotch of your panties degrades due to PH of your vaginal discharge? (give me the qualities and I will calculate this for you)

While a picture of your vagina is welcome (and will only be for my private use) I really do like gathering these stats (I’m kind of a nerd) and would appreciate as much openness on your behalf as possible and you will benefit too because I’ll give you money for your lovely product. Talk to you soon! 😊

  B O A R D

[RUBBERVALLEY FIENDS THREAD 3/3 2006-PRESENT] TOPICS: 850 POSTS: 10,356

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Hey people, we’ve reached the end of the summer and you know what that means – Ivan himself of the halls of Rubber Valley presents inaugural post of their annual sweeps week filming extravaganza – first photoset already up and we’ve got the goddamn brilliant LYDIA SUCKS sons! The greatest bitch on the face of the planet almost psyched us out but she’s here she’s low and she’s ready to blow. Vid upload will probably take till tomorrow to render but we’ve got some great pic galleries already. Ivan really spoiling us pigs lmfao. Seeing lots of setup and dress-up and behind scenes stuff for yall candid pervs. We’ve got full body latex and face coverage hoods and I see a breathing tube and the barn inversion setup. Possible inverted ceiling fuck? The boys can dream. Links to download pics results in PERMABAN – only official links to Rubber Valley site allowed, don’t know how often I have to say it. You want to pass ripped screenshots you do that through email *casts pearls before swine*

GOBgobGOB: no pic of lyds upside down yet ☹

LordJim: Not interested until I see Ivan haul out the FuckRacers from two years ago – wonder why he doesn’t bring those around more often? Great view stats on current vids and who doesn’t like a fat ass getting auto-fucked while she steers the go-cart supine?

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao all views are you bro

GOBgobGOB: D I R E C T H I T

SUCKPUNTER: hey lordjim where’d you learn the word supine

LordJim: Yeah “laugh out loud” very funny guys.

SUCKPUNTER: did you learn it at college

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Lydia looks gr8 folks. Queen pristine and ready to cream. SUCKPUNTER – chill out because I’ve got my eye on you. Don’t take the bait Jim. You’re like thirty.

SUCKPUNTER: at least I don’t get off on bitches doing the pinewood derby

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: LYDIA!

GOBgobGOB: LYDIA!!!

McLovin: LYDIA LYDIA LYDIA

TheWorldofMartinAmis: Goddess. Wish she’d get her boobs done though.

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: same! I’ve been waiting for years for her to get into xtreme body mod. Right up her alley. If she’s at EXXXOTICA EXPO next year I’m going to try to get her meet and greet and ask. I know tattoo guys who’d pay HER to give her first tat.

McLovin: Lydia wouldn’t go. She’s like indie transgressive.

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): nice to see you again lockSTOCK. I see your POV but Lydia has several interviews where she says most of her viewers see her bod as a clean palate in the art of pain – as in, wounds have to go away in order for us to appreciate a fresh ruining ; ) tats and huge implants are a little tougher to work around. Anyway in my mind you can fix bad tits but you can’t fix bad attitude

ThatOneFootGuy: id suck her feet

McLovin: woah fuck 4th latex pic in dressing series with her mouth open and her eyes shut – who the lube guy with his arm right down her front?

SUCKPUNTER: lol hand clear to her pussy and hes not even hard faggot

McLovin: scope the ginger amazon in the background with camera – new girl? Don’t recognize. Didn’t know Ivan was bringing new people around this year’s sweeps.

LordJim: I wondered too when I saw. I’m sure DungeonMaster mod understands if I copy/paste following from Ivan (no pics, text w/actress info):

Newcomers are always welcome in RUBBER VALLEY (especially if they’re lovely, and especially if they’re ladies!) and this old goat is pleased to welcome DOMME LUX, our friendly neighbor down south in that little town called Chicago. Mysterious as she is alluring, you’ll see her shining light sampling tidbits of delight off our Valley Girls throughout the uploads this month (or even taking a crack at a couple!) We’re just getting to know her, but I have a feeling she’s a generous gal at heart as she kindly offered us the services of her Personal Valet, Jules DeMarco, who himself spoiled us all year with devious latex devices for our steadfast daring dollies after the unfortunate 2012 passing of our beloved torture designer Merrick Marvel (memoriam post 03/04/2012). Check out Jules’s Half-Bag Breast Mummifier in scheduled post 7/22 (Heather Bunny in the inverted Wench Wrench) the diabolical Arachnae-Hood (Lacey Jane, spinning in our trusty Landscape(her) Rolling Pin 7/16) and the Double-Fuck Full Body Boa Binder with eerie inflatable bubble hood (Lydia Sucks, finale post 7/31, don’t miss it, SUBSCRIBE). I must confess, we took advantage - the poor fella ran himself ragged helping us with film prep all week. So as an apology we let him get up close and personal with Rubber Valley’s reigning heroine LYDIA SUCKS fitting her in a custom four-limb black latex catsuit with half-face hood, made especially for her brave beautiful bod. He takes a good long time greasing her up before Ivan and Barry get her hoisted and joisted and in her best bitch-bat position among the rafters of the exalted Rubber Valley barn, where we leave her to squirm in terror! (but let’s get real – what scares Lydia? We’re wracking our brains!) Uh-oh, is Domme Lux looking jealous in the background? Is she plotting a little comeuppance for our Lovely Lady Lydia? Only one way to find out – SUBSCRIBE!

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Np lordjim, if you hadn’t posted I was going to. Looks like we’ve got fresh meat in the valley.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: very pretty girl, but always bummed when a new one turns out to be top. Call me old fashioned, I come to the Valley for slaves.

SUCKPUNTER: firecrotch

GOBgobGOB: brb too busy crankin it. milky gingerbread titties come to daddy

McLovin: @TheWorldofMartinAmis, Ivan always has at least one femdom around. Room for everybody in the valley

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: holy shit I know that guy.

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao faggots know faggots

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: no for real. His real name is Jules Marinelli. I worked with him one summer lifeguarding beaches for the park’s district. Our boss found his website where he sells his sex stuff, and it was this whole big thing. Found the kink club Entrance through that (check it out if you’re in my hood ever – huge, clean, not too much gay shit, great ladies of all stripes hanging around, but limits on drinking if you’re trying to access certain levels). He’s bi. He’s either secretly Domme Lux’s slave or Domme Lux is his slave and it’s mega on the DL because it’d hurt her career if it got out she could ‘verse. There’s all this gossip.

SUCKPUNTER: bi guys r fags

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): SUCKPUNTER – that’s strike one. lockstock – not deleting your post because from what I can see JDM doesn’t/isn’t acting in explicit scenes, but let’s cool it with doxxing info. Looks like he’s had an experience with that before, and as a small business owner myself, I know how it can suck. We aren’t gossiping high school girls. Settle back and enjoy what Ivan gives us.

GOBgobGOB: *sees dudes in the chat and stops jacking off*

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: NP mod, feel free to delete it later before it causes problems.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: going back to previous discussion – don’t think a breast job automatically constitutes body modification

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): think about it martinamis, it’s a slippery slope – you want to see some swollen battered fish get destroyed, or a fresh natural girl get destroyed?

SUCKPUNTER: i am not a faggot and a whore’s a whore and im here to see whores fucking destroyed

GOBgobGOB: *tony soprano voice* she was a HOOOOER

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt all whores get fucked

LordJim: Mod, step up. This isn’t going to get better. With all due respect

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt ALL WHORES GET FUCKED

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): yeah, already done. That should be the last of him. Don’t know why I expected that situation to turn out differently.

  FROM: lydias-verified@terrorproductions.com

TO: JulesDM86@gmail.com

Subject: Debrief – valley week

Jules,

As discussed, attached is current info for my old webmaster service from when I had to run my own fansite. Decent price and decent vendor system. Can only be an improvement on what you have now. That is not an insult, but I know it sounds like one. Stay with me.

[link] [link] [link]

And above, the top three most trafficked boards I’ve found following my own career and the rubber valley gang. We’ve caused quite a stir already and its only July 15th. I wouldn’t count on this causing an uptick in your business, but I think you know that. The standard gentleman at home spending twenty bucks a month for guaranteed links to a woman being fucked inside out while wearing a sensory deprivation hood simply doesn’t translate him to spending 100-200 dollars, contacting a seller, taking measurements, and going through the effort to order he and his special girly the hood itself. But I know you believe you’ve chosen your life the same way I believe I’ve chosen my life and won’t whine. I will say, if your ego is bruised, that your clothes are wonderful. They feel maybe half like death. I’ll wear them again and again.

On a funnier note: I have accounts myself on all the above message boards and post semi-regularly. It might amuse you to do the same thing, but you need to be careful regarding your identity. Feedback from viewers is never relevant, but it needs to be pure (don’t ask me why – my brains are fucked out). I won’t tell you who I am, and you won’t tell me who you are. Maybe we’ll find each other.

I wouldn’t tell your Cathy, since some sensitive (if inaccurate) information is flying around. Your instinct towards privacy, while cute and old fashioned, is an apt instinct. Looks like the good people of Chicago can’t keep their fucking mouths shut. Will you be able to find a straight job if your work now goes up like a dead dog’s gut? Don’t despair. Your nice long cock dropped so well down my throat while your Cathy beat my clit with the edge of your belt (nice touch – whose idea was that?) so while you might not get another chance to perch in a lifeguard’s throne, you might very well have a future in film. You’re vigorous, discrete, disciplined, clean, and a cutie-pie. Have your Cathy make some films of you alone or you two together. It’ll excite her, so you have no choice but to be excited yourself. You’re excited reading this. You believe you chose this.

Anyway – Cathy! Don’t be insulted on her behalf. I loved playing with you both. She’s kind and a lot of fun, which are virtues I still let myself appreciate in others. Let her know I appreciate how she let me use you. She’s a good girl and has a good future in store, especially with her personal valet running her life. Pick her outfits, pick her makeup, pick her clients, pick her laundry soap – is it already like that? I want to be buried alive, but you want to be buried in chores. Please dream big, Jules.

Rubber valley is where I have the most fun out of all the shoots I have in a year, but I really was lucky that you two showed up. Poor old Merrick Marvel (not even that old – colon cancer). But out with him and in with you. I enjoyed our river talk and I felt very safe in the car with you at the wheel, though I know I tormented you a little (but I’m pretty sure Cathy helped you out later with that – will you write back to me what she did to you, and if she let you come?) At one point you were with Ivan in the garage, and I tried to have a little talk with her about oblivion, but she either understood my point and got scared, or simply didn’t understand. It’s unfortunate, kind of soul-sucking, how our dominant “loved ones” transform into necessary evils. Adjust the tube. Grasp the handle. Move the thigh. Use the vocal cord to form the order. But what do they know? I never knew how to explain.

I’ve attached some personal pictures of me. I like knowing that you have them. I won’t contact you again except under strict business purposes, so let me sum up. Serve Cathy well. Don’t let her get bullied. Flourish creatively. Keep that belt. Fuck as often as your body commands you to fuck (if I suspect that sometimes your body is Cathy’s body by proxy, then this number will double, perhaps triple, but the choice is out of your hands because she owns your cock). You have a lot of growing up to do. Don’t despair. More to come.

We won’t see each other soon, but we’ll see each other again. Ciao! 

I expect improvements.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Lydia S

[xxpadfootxx]

🐾Night Terrors & New Beginnings - Part 8 (Unravel)🐾

Inko Midoriya came home soon after Ochako had fed Dakota to find the trio casually talking an eating snacks in the living room, lounging on the sofas and relaxing. She felt a wave of relief wash over her at the sight of her son looking so calm and loved watching how warmly he conversed with his friends. She offered to have them stay for dinner but as they had school the next morning, they decided to head home and get some sleep. Once they left, Izuku and his mother ate at the dinner table in comfortable silence, Izuku’s relaxing mood continuing even after his friends had gone. Inko sighed and her son looked up, his eyes shining with color and his face brightened with emotion for the first time in several days.

“What’s wrong, mom?”

“Oh, nothing is wrong sweetie, nothing at all. I am just feeling relaxed right now.”

“That’s good to hear, you sound less tired than usual.”

“As do you.”

“How was your trip into town today? Find any veterinarians who would be willing to drive out here?” Izuku asked, stabbing a piece of pasta with his fork and bringing it to his lips.

Inko sighed with a little more defeat this time. “Unfortunately, Izuku, I only found two vet places that were even remotely close to this city and the first one said that our address was too far for one of their staff to drive all the way out to, and the other said that they could send out a guy but that they were busy for the next few weeks so I wouldn’t be able to book anything for at least a month!”

“Oh no, that doesn’t help us at all…” Some of the grey exhaustion seemed to come back into Izuku’s features and Inko immediately rushed to change the subject, her mind panicking at the dark shadow that seemed to be trying to hard to take over her normally genuinely happy son.

“Oh, but on the bright side, I managed to get ahold of Haruka again and she is willing to come by our house to take a look at the mark on your hand again! She said that it may have something to do with that evil dragon’s quirk, so she is coming around tomorrow afternoon to check it out!”

Izuku brightened a little at that. He had come to learn how to live with the mark but he was really tired of feeling all of these confusing emotions and the almost non-stop flow of pain that seemed to always be nipping at his nerves, his only reprieve was the medication from Haruka. The pair finished dinner as the tensions in the room settled a little bit more and then the two got up and brought their dishes to the sink.

“Alright, why don’t you go hang out for a while and start getting ready for bed, I can do these dishes,” Inko said, picking up a plate and the sink brush.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!”

“Alright…”

Izuku walked to the fridge and found some more ground beef in one of the drawers to take to Dakota. Balancing the meat on a new plate from the cabinet, Izuku made his way to his room to feed the beast. Izuku reached his bedroom door and decided not to overthink it too much and so he did not pause and take a deep breath or peer nervously through the cracked door like he usually did. Still avoiding being loud or obnoxious, Izuku pushed his bedroom door open with confidence and shut it behind him until he heard it click. Usually, he would opt to keep the door cracked open slightly so as to have an escape route but today, he decided to take Ochako’s advice. Treat Dakota as if she were a person going through a rough time with nobody to believe in. He was still one hundred percent sure that she could kill him in under two seconds and he knew she would if she was threatened so he didn’t want to appear overconfident but he was also tired of dancing around her as if she were toxic.

Dakota lifted her head from where it had been resting on her paws and looked at him up and down, sniffing once. She could feel that he was trying to be as brave and confident as possible so she did not growl, she just watched him. Izuku now didn’t know what else to do, he could feel his shield of false confidence start to waver as he fought with his brain for the next step. That was when his thoughts wandered back to the scene from earlier that day when Ochako had given Dakota her meal.

“Talk to her…” Izuku whispered to himself. Dakota leaned forward just barely, to the point where Izuku almost missed it but he caught it out of the corner of his eye. That was when Ochako’s words rang true. She was just lonely, all she wants is a companion, someone who will listen and understand. He had understood Ochako back when she had originally told him this but now he could feel it, just in the way she had leaned forward ever so slightly to catch what he was saying, whether she understood his language or not, she was desperate to have him speak to her. He cleared his throat a little and swallowed his tingling nerves.

“H-Hello, Dakota. How are you d-doing this e-evening?” Izuku mentally slapped himself as he stuttered. He needed to keep his voice steady. He knew that he couldn’t let his guard down completely and he knew that he shouldn’t lose his fear of her completely as he still needed to respect the fact that she was one of the most dangerous animals on the planet. But he did know that he needed to stop treating her like a disgusting monster.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stutter. To be honest, I’ve never spoken to a dragon before and I’m a little nervous,” Izuku felt more confidence seep into his body little by little. Being honest, even with the daughter of death, was kind of refreshing and gave him a starting place to build trust between them. “Are you feeling any better? We are trying to find the right person to heal you because as you know, veterinary science isn’t a real skill of mine.”

Dakota thumped her tail twice and swiped her pink tongue over her lips a little. Izuku took this as a good thing and took a tentative step forward, holding the plate of meat out in front of him.

“Is it alright if I come closer to you? I know you want your food and I want to give it to you but I also want to avoid the fear of losing my arm whenever I get near you.”

Dakota tilted her head slightly, her eyes glittering. Izuku did not expect an answer but just as she had done in that strange vision Izuku had had, she dipped her head ever so slightly with closed eyes. After a few seconds, she raised her head once more and opened her eyes to peer at him curiously. Izuku took another deep breath, this was good, really good. This was the longest amount of time in which she had not growled or bared her teeth at him. She was showing real positive emotion for the first time since he had carried her half-dead into his home.

“Thank you,” Izuku whispered before taking a few more slow steps until he was right in front of her. Fear still electrified his nerves but he was able to overpower that feeling with that of pride and curiosity. Kneeling down slowly, he reached an arm out and placed the plate of food in front of her with a nervous smile. Dakota watched him for a moment before leaning forward and gently scooping some of the meat into her mouth. Izuku released a soft sigh of relief that she had not launched for her food like she normally did. Baby steps, just more baby steps.

“You are a good dragon, Dakota,” Izuku whispered and Dakota paused her eating to look right into his eyes. “I am sorry, for everything. I don’t know anything about your past but I do know that no matter what you’ve done, no matter who you’ve harmed or killed if you have done so, you don’t deserve the abuse you have undergone. I am so sorry.”

Izuku lifted his hand up, he could feel his fingers trembling but he couldn’t stop them, his heart was trying to burst through his chest and his mind was trying as hard as it could to convince him to move his hand out of danger but he forced his muscles to move his arm forward. While Ochako had reached for Dakota’s shoulder, Izuku threw caution to the wind and aimed for her head. His throat was dry and his body was breaking out in a cold sweat but he did not try to hide it. He was not going to hide from her, he was not going to deceive her. Izuku closed his eyes and turned his head away, his whole body shaking with fear and anticipation.

Dakota hesitated, her eyes roving over his held out palm, her brain mulling over her decision choices. She could almost feel the tension dripping from his body, but she knew that he was trying as hard as he possibly could to make an effort. She almost turned away, he was a human after all and she had learned very early on that all humans are evil. But then she remembered his soft apology, the genuine guilt, and sadness that had flowed throughout his entire being. She also remembered his fear of her, his wariness of her in a way that mirrored her own fears. Maybe not all people were that bad. Swallowing the last of her doubts, she leaned forward, her meat forgotten, and placed her head on the outstretched palm in front of her that couldn’t quite reach her on its own.

Izuku sucked in a breath and opened his eyes, his head turning to peer at Dakota hesitantly. Her eyes were closed and her ears were folded back onto her head but he could immediately tell that it was in a relaxed way rather than the way she would pin her ears when she was angry. He released the breath he had sucked in so violently and began to twitch his fingers gently. His hand tingled and his palm began to glow faintly as she opened her eyes in slight surprise at the feeling of his gentle fingers carving little pathways in her fur. Izuku made eye contact with her as he began to pet her more properly, remaining wary of her just in case he overstepped any boundaries but grew a little more confident with each passing second as she relaxed into his actions. Dakota closed her eyes again and Izuku was shocked to the core to see a tear slide down her face. It was barely visible and he almost missed it but he saw it and he felt his  heart constrict with sadness for the poor creature.

“Good girl, Dakota. You are safe now.”

__________________________________________

Izuku woke up the next morning feeling a lot better, actually having slept through the night without waking up in a cold sweat. His alarm clock went off early but when he got out of bed to get ready for school he didn’t feel as groggy and depressed as he had in the past few days. Dakota was even in a better mood. She still watched him warily constantly but she actually wagged her tail twice when he said goodbye to her for the day. Ochako and Iida immediately felt a difference in his behavior and they were both thrilled when he told them quietly about the progression he had managed to move through with the aggressive dog in his room. He made it through the day feeling focused and refreshed. He made it through hero training feeling so energized that he was able to fight his fellow classmates for almost an hour before he wore himself out in their combat training sessions for the day. He finally ended home with Ochako and Iida, talking to them for the entire train ride.

Inko also immediately noticed her son’s changed behavior and beamed when he suggested they play a board game in the living room before Haruka was scheduled to show up. They played together on the floor of their living room for a while before Izuku excused himself to go check on Dakota’s wounds. He walked to his bedroom and opened his door, holding a roll of gauze, cotton balls, and water. For the first time since Dakota had arrived, when Izuku pushed open the door, Dakota wagged her tail, thumping it on the floor three times rather than the usual two. Izuku felt his heart flutter a little at the sight and even though he knew he still had to be careful, he felt more comfortable around her.

“Hey girl, how are you doing today? I promise I won’t hurt you, but if you allow me, I’d like to take a look at your injuries, alright?”

Dakota lowered her head and lost the warm spark in her eyes, her ears rotating around to flatten across her head, but she thumped her tail once. Izuku inhaled a little and made his way over to her, holding the medical materials out so that she could see all of them clearly. He finally kneeled down beside her and placed the supplies beside him, his eyes never straying from hers as he reached a tentative hand over to pet her head once. Ever since he had broken the glacier that had been blocking her personality, their relationship had been less icy. He was aware that he still had to pay mind to the fact that she was still a dangerous dragon, but her refreshed attitude gave him hope. He kept his eyes open this time and managed to keep his hand at least a little more steady than the first time he had touched her. He hadn’t even gotten very close to her when she leaned forward, almost eagerly, and placed her forehead against his palm so that the markings on their flesh lined up. The marking on her head began to glow first, and then his palm lit up warmly.

Her desperation to be loved made Izuku’s heart twinge in sadness and he wished he could just pull her into a hug and hold her forever, but he knew that her wounds would not heal themselves, and so after waiting for a few more seconds, Izuku smiled and pulled his hand away softly. Dakota looked up into his eyes and wagged her tail four times. Izuku’s heart burst with happiness at each thump of her soft tail and he was sure he felt a distant feeling of relief as if he were feeling it from outside of his own body. His eyes drifted out of focus for a moment, and he suddenly felt that relieving feeling flow through his entire body, calming him. This sensation only lasted for a moment, and when he shook his head and blinked a few times to clear the strange foggy feeling from his head, he glanced at Dakota to see her eyes closed and her mouth hanging slightly open. Izuku watched her for a little longer before shaking his head once more and moving to work on her front leg.

Dakota opened her eyes and returned to more of a cold demeanor as he neared her injuries, but she remained stiffly silent and still, closing her eyes and ignoring him. Izuku, on the other hand, ignored all other thoughts and distractions and focused whole-heartedly on healing the dog, his hands moving efficiently but gently over her injured leg and side. He wanted to help heal her wings, as he knew that they had been torn to pieces by the strange men who had cornered them in that forest clearing, but he knew that even if she could change back, she wouldn’t let him anywhere near her wings. He brewed over the subject, his mind wandering over to her damaged wings, the thoughts burying fear deep within him. Was it healthy for her to keep them hidden for so long when they were as injured as they were? Would she ever be able to fly again? That question shot a spear of sadness through him so suddenly that his hands froze and he gasped softly. Dakota opened her eyes and looked over at Izuku. Izuku clenched a hand into his shirt over his heart and made eye contact with the black dog. Finally, he managed to slow his breathing and he leaned forward to continue wrapping her broken leg with two sticks and the bandages. His hands moved swiftly over her wounds, the soft bandage curling over the leg like fresh snow falling on the sidewalk. He was so focused that when Dakota very suddenly and aggressively snarled at him, he audibly yelped and leaped away from her, just having pinned the bandage into place. For the second time in less than a minute, his breathing and heart rate were through the roof and his confusion had spiked. That is until he scrambled back into something solid behind him. Izuku looked up slowly and rolled away from the solid thing behind him, suddenly realizing that the thing he had hit was Haruka’s legs. He realized that he had been so busy with Dakota that she had walked in and he hadn’t even heard her. That explained Dakota’s sudden aggression.

“Oh! Hello, Haruka! I didn’t see you there! What can I help you with?”

“Well, I am here to check up on the mark on your hand. Your mother told me, the medication hasn’t caused any kind of fading, correct?”

“Oh yeah, right! I am sorry, I was busy with-”

“Oh my…” Haruka sighed softly, her eyes widening a little as she peered behind Izuku at the large black dog on the floor beside Izuku’s bed. Haruka took one step forward and Dakota let out a vicious snarl that caused Izuku to blanch a little.

“Sorry, she is a little aggressive as you can see, it is probably in the best interest of both of you to stay away from her.”

Haruka did not answer, she just kept staring at the dog, who had somehow managed to force herself to move so that she was cowering in the back corner of the bedroom, her back pressed flat against the wall and her teeth bared.

Haruka took a tiny step forward and Dakota snarled again, the throaty sounds bouncing around the room wildly. That was when Izuku felt it. It was the strangest sensation, a feeling of some of the worst fear he had ever felt. It jolted down his body and electrified his limbs to the point where he actually jerked a little in place. A split second after he felt this blinding fear, he felt as if he was being thrown through a tunnel in time, as his vision changed from that of his bedroom to the clearing where he had met Dakota. He saw Haruka and Dakota along with a woman he did not know and a huge white dragon covered in bones. The images flashed through his mind, where he saw Dakota attack the bone dragon, he saw Haruka jerk her head as she activated her quirk, breaking Dakota’s leg. He saw the proud Night Fury fall, her eyes wide with fear as the other woman touched Dakota’s flank and used her quirk. He saw her change into a dog. He saw her gallop off into the woods with an arrow flying after her. He saw the arrow strike home before she ran off through the brush. He saw himself, kneeling down on the road to pick up the fallen black dog.

Suddenly, his eyes readjusted and he was once again able to see his bedroom. He blinked and turned his head to look at Haruka, who was not even looking at him and had not moved from her place before his vision. That was when he realized that the vision he had just witnessed had lasted for less than ten seconds and that nothing had changed. Nothing except for Dakota, who kept glancing at him from her corner of the room and the fact that he now knew. His heart hammered in his chest and his mind scrambled for a plan. He had no idea if she was a villain, or if he was just misreading the vision he had seen, or if the vision had been a skewed perspective in some way. He glanced between the dog and Haruka just as she took another step closer, a larger step this time. Dakota’s growl faltered a bit as a fearful whimper slipped past her jaws and Izuku made up his mind.

Haruka took another step towards the dog and Izuku set his plan into motion, ignoring all of his instincts to turn the other way and let the dragon live the consequences of her actions. He knew that she was dangerous. He knew that she was a killer. He knew she probably didn’t deserve saving, but Izuku knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of ridicule. The sight of Haruka advancing on Dakota as she cowered helplessly against the wall just made him think about all of those times when he was like Dakota and Bakugo was like Haruka. Izuku had always been so scared during those times, his mind going through all of the possible things that Bakugo could do to him with his cool quirk and better strength. The only difference in this situation was that when it was Bakugo who was bullying Izuku, Izuku never feared for his life. Izuku knew now that this interaction could result in the decision for life or death… for either one of them.

Haruka was now close enough to try to lean down to touch Dakota, the poor dog leaning as far back against the wall as possible, her teeth bared only half-heartedly as the panic set into her eyes. Haruka leaned down ever so slightly, just to have her view obscured by two strong legs. Haruka blinked a few times and looked up to see Izuku, facing her with his legs positioned in a half-lunge while his fists were raised in a loose fighting stance. Haruka stood all the way up and Izuku moved one leg back so that it could be lifted over Dakota’s back so that he was standing completely above her. Dakota blinked a few times in shock, her mouth was even hanging open slightly. After a second, the shock faded and Izuku felt an intense mixed feeling of relief and gratitude wash through him like hot chocolate does on a freezing winter day.

“Haruka, I am sorry but I thought I made it very clear earlier that Dakota is not feeling well and should be left alone. I would appreciate it if you would please give her some space and maybe we can get back to figuring out what is wrong with my hand.”

Haruka was silent for a moment, she took a step back and then tilted her head with a small smile tugging at her lips.

“You named her.”

“What?”

“You named her. You two are farther along than I thought.”

Izuku was worried about what this could possibly mean. He knew that Haruka knew that Dakota was a dragon, that much was obvious from the vision he had had but he did not know what she meant by ‘being farther along’. Haruka frowned a little and brought her hand up to her chin for a minute, thinking carefully to herself. After a little while, though, she looked back up at Izuku and sighed.

“I guess I probably shouldn’t keep you in the dark anymore, how comfortable would you be if I invited you back to my cabin for some tea and a talk? I think you have figured out by now that I know about this dog being a dragon, Dakota was it?”

Izuku was a little dumbfounded but he fought to keep his face neutral. He didn’t want to give away anything yet as he still wasn’t clear on her intentions.

“Yes, her name is Dakota, but why should I trust you? Why should I come to your cabin?”

Haruka smiled genuinely then, her eyes brightening a little and her various bone jewelry jangling as she lifted up her arm and held out her hand, fingers stretched wide to reveal her palm. Izuku gasped and Dakota perked her ears as they both gazed down at the large swirly symbol that was engraved into the raised ridge of her palm.

[eeveevie]

dream theory

From this prompt list: marcid - incredibly exhausted

Thank you, @mizlapes​! That’s what I am all the damn time so I can draw great inspiration for this prompt. May have gone overboard in responding and elaborated far more than I needed to. But I’m also world building a bit, since I decided to go for another story with Rosie and Butch :D 

Butch DeLoria x Rosie Sheridan (Lone Wanderer)

2240 words | [read on Ao3]

Rosie knew she was asleep—she always knew when she was asleep—a talent she had discovered in adolescence after reading about lucid dreaming in her father’s science textbooks. Perhaps the reading was advanced for her age, but nonetheless she was able to trick her mind. Ever since, she had been able to control her dreams on most nights. She was typically a heavy sleeper and the combination made her sleep-cycles very intense when things went awry. And lately, her dreams weren’t going the way she wanted them to.

That evening, she had tried to go to sleep at a reasonable time but found her mind was too restless. In an effort to not disturb her housemate, Rosie snuck downstairs and cozied up in the corner of the couch with her journal, carefully detailing the last few days from memory. She glanced back up at the second story rafters, thinking if she focused hard enough she might hear Butch snoring through his closed bedroom door. She had given him the spare room after weeks of him hogging the sofa—he was starting to develop a strain in his neck on account of the fact he was too tall to sleep on it properly. It was still so bizarre to Rosie that this was where her life had led her—kicked out of the vault and shacked up with Butch DeLoria.

It wasn’t all bad though—he pulled his weight (even if she had to encourage him sometimes), could clean and cook and was surprisingly good company. After the prom stunt, Rosie had been walking on eggshells, carefully guarding her emotions as to not accidentally reveal or do something stupid. She didn’t want to jeopardize what was starting to become a good friendship between the two, something they missed out on while growing up in the vault. She was convinced that with a little bit of time and logic her crush would dissipate and that one day she’d laugh about how ridiculous it all was.

Rosie hadn’t realized she’d been dictating some of these sentiments in her notebook and contemplated crossing them out when her eyes became heavy. She shifted, leaning her head against the back of the couch for a moment as she rested her journal against her curled-up knees. Being that it was well past midnight, it couldn’t hurt to rest her eyes for a while and attempt to traverse the dreamscape once more. As the darkness enveloped her, she struggled to maintain focus, trying to craft a pleasant atmosphere for herself. Instead, all she could see was the Capital Wasteland—particularly the Arlington Cemetery.

Her body was moving on its own, soft whispers echoing around her and metal creaking that she wanted to say was just the Megaton home adjusting around her. Frantically she tried to snap open her eyes but found herself paralyzed—a slight panic settled over her and she reminded herself to breathe or it would only be made worse. She floated through the gravesites towards a back plot where a strange man stood with a shovel overlooking a freshly dug grave. He motioned for her to get in, to which she struggled to lean away—something was preventing her.

“Hey,” he spoke. The voice sounded familiar, too quiet to tell. But it didn’t match the unknown, almost faceless man she was staring at. “Come on.”

Rosie couldn’t speak even if she wanted to. Again she resisted when the man reached out for her, this time his hands making contact with her arms—it sent a shockwave through her system in how it felt so real. She twisted her body, struggling to wiggle herself free but ultimately could not.

“Damnit, Rosie.”

How did the man know her name? She supposed it was a dream concocted by her brain, the imaginary assailant should know. He gently shook her, his touch a contrast to what her mind was leading her to believe. She responded by pushing her hands out to grab him by the shoulders, gripping tightly as she willed herself to speak, to scream. She didn’t want to get in the grave, even if she knew it wasn’t real. The man shook her again, repeating her name.

Finally, with a sharp inhale, she snapped open her eyes and found her body reacting to delayed signals. Whomever was hovering over her got the brunt and she gripped their arms tightly, nearly headbutting them in an attempt to leap off the couch.

“Jesus!” Butch yelped, his hands tightening around her shoulders as he set her back on the couch before she could get too far. She stared up at him, a mix of shock and embarrassment—caught in the midst of a nightmare and why was he so damn close? “Holy shit, Stitches! You alright?”

Rosie swallowed hard, flexing her fingers when she realized she still had them wrapped around his biceps in a death-grip. He was wearing his white t-shirt, no leather jacket to cover up the muscles beneath, allowing her to get more than a good feel at his skin. When she felt her ears heating up, she let go, snapping her hands back to her sides. Butch seemed more focused on what had just occurred, assuring she wasn’t going to move before taking a hesitant step back.

“Got up to take a piss and saw you down here in the dark,” he explained with a shrug. “Wondered why you weren’t asleep. Didn’t realize you kinda were,” he scratched at the back of his head, and she noted the way his hair was hanging un-styled in bedhead waves. “Didn’t mean to scare ya’”    

She rolled her eyes at his vulgarity but crossed her arms to rub at her shoulders at the strange, underlying kindness in his words. He could’ve just stayed upstairs and ignored her but there he was, making an effort again and unknowingly chipping away at the defenses around her heart. Butch bent over to scoop up her journal that had dropped from her lap in his attempt to rouse her. At first, Rosie was convinced he would flip through it and see that she had been recently (and not so recently) been writing about him but to her surprise he very quickly handed it back to her with a smirk.

“I ain’t no snoop,” he said proudly.

She’d forgive him for the double-negative—turned out Butch could learn manners, but grammar and speech etiquette would have to come later. He sat down on the sofa next to her, the cushion shifting under his weight. Rosie moved, tucking her legs under herself and wrapping her arms around her knees as she leaned back into the corner—physically blocking him from coming any closer. He mimicked her, resting against the back padding so he could face her—their knees and arms knocked together in the small space.

“What’s got you so startled?” he asked.

She shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. They were too curious, and they were too close for her comfort. She didn’t mean to be evasive in her answer. “I’m not sure.”

“Pfft,” Butch replied, furrowing his brows. The back of his hand lightly smacked against her knee. “Don’t you have an answer for everything, smarty-pants?”

Rosie scrunched up her nose at the nickname, shaking her head. With a sigh, she nuzzled her head into the back-couch cushion. “Not for nightmares. Dream analysis isn’t medical science. That’s phycology, and even then it’s a very specialized form of phycology. Practically a pseudoscience.”

“Again with the big words,” Butch teased, smiling. “You saying you don’t know why you were so scared because of a nightmare? Or that you need to study a nightmare to find out why you were so scared?”

“A little of column a, little of column b,” she responded, hiding her amusement when she noted the confusion in his expression. “My…journal is filled with dream evaluations. I haven’t been sleeping well, which is unusual, and I’ve noted an increase in night-terrors and sleep paralysis.”

“Sleep—wha?” Butch questioned, eyebrows raised.

Rosie shifted uncomfortably. “It typically happens when you are waking up and are aware of your surroundings but are unable to move or speak. You hallucinate things that are not really present, almost like you are trapped between imagination and reality. It can be very frightening.”

He bristled. “Jeeze, Stitches. If you ain’t got enough shit to deal with.”

She tightened the hold around her knees. What she wouldn’t divulge was the guilt she felt surrounding the sudden appearance of said nightmares. For months she had been sleeping blissfully, almost as if she hadn’t a care in the world. Even after her father died and while she grieved, sleep came naturally—it was only very recently that she had become plagued by visions of darkness and death—and she wanted to know why. Why now, and not sooner? Psyche wasn’t a perfect science, but she was determined to narrow down a cause like the pragmatic scientist she was.

“Hey uh,” Butch started, pulling her from her thoughts. His hand was tapping against her knee again, fingers tugging against her cotton sweatpants. “I got a theory.”

Rosie quirked up an eyebrow, wondering if her vocabulary had started to rub off on him after all. He sneered at her for a split second in teasing as if he noticed her subtle shift in expression. “Yeah, so, maybe dreams are just dreams and that’s all that’s to ‘em. Don’t let nothin’ in some fancy textbooks tell you otherwise.”

For once, Butch’s advice was actually good. Maybe Rosie was too much in her head about her own thoughts and dreams. If all she did was obsess over every minute of her sleep-cycle, she’d be playing into the mad-scientist trope he’d been teasing her about for over a decade. Subconsciously, she adjusted her glasses and ran her fingers across her notebook.

“Writing is a good distraction,” she tapped the worn cover.

Butch softly laughed, and she realized his hand had moved to rest against hers. Their knuckles brushed with the contact, the heat of his skin radiating up her arm. Rosie resisted the urge to overreact, steadying herself—she really needed to get a grip of her feelings quickly if they were going to continue living under the same roof, let alone continue to travel together.

“A good distraction is a drink,” he suggested. With his other hand he gutted his thumb over his shoulder. “Moriarty’s is still open. Two of us could get a nightcap in, whadd’ya say?”

For starters, she didn’t drink, and Butch knew that. But that certainly didn’t stop him from persisting on occasion, wondering when she’d drop the goodie-two-shoes act. They weren’t living in the vault anymore and didn’t have to follow some Overseer’s rules about abstaining from alcohol while underage. Matter of fact, they didn’t have to abstain from a lot of things—Rosie decided to not let her mind wander. Secondly, she wondered if he knew the implications or innuendo behind what he said—likely not—she blushed, thinking maybe she had read into his words instead.

“No thank you, Butch,” she declined politely, smiling at his overdramatic pout. “I appreciate the offer, even if you should’ve anticipated my answer.” She made to glance at her wrist for the time when she realized she wasn’t wearing her Pip Boy, the device left on her nightstand. Butch wasn’t wearing his either.

“It’s late,” she continued, guessing it had to be early morning. “A better idea is for you to go to sleep.”

He shook his head, leaning closer. “I ain’t goin’ to sleep unless you are too.”

“You are stubborn,” Rosie sighed, allowing a tiny smile to pull at the corner of her lips.

Butch smirked. “So are you.”

He shifted, pushing himself off the couch to stand before offering his hand to her. She gripped it, allowing him to hoist her upright even though she was perfectly capable of doing so herself. The two stood there for a lingering moment, hands gripped just staring at one another and Rosie thought back to just a few weeks earlier when they had been slow dancing in that very spot—how she had imagined what it would be like if they kissed. She wouldn’t dare to make that kind of bold move and there was no rational part of her mind that convinced her that Butch wanted any such thing—even if he didn’t seem eager to let go of her hand.

He nodded his head towards the stairs, and she followed his lead, glancing down at their clasped hands as they walked. Butch didn’t’ release his grip until they were outside their adjacent doors, turning to face her with a grin.

“Remember what I said,” he gestured to the journal tucked under her arm before moving his hand up to brush against her forehead. It was hard to tell if it was affectionate or playful. “Try not to worry that pretty lil’ head of yours.”

Rosie felt her cheeks go warm, and desperately tried to think of a witty comeback but the silence had stretched on for too long. She was destined to always be the quiet, fumbling nerd. Except now it was made much worse with her seemingly unrequited crush. She offered a tiny smile. “Goodnight, Butch.”

He returned the expression in kind, leaning against his doorway as he watched her shut herself away behind the closed door. “Goodnight, Rosie.”

[elcorhamletlive]

fandom: MCU ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark tags: Light angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, de-serumed Steve.

summary:  Steve deals with discomfort after losing the serum. Tony helps.

If he had known, he would never have entered the ship.

It was easy to say it now, though, in hindsight. During the battle, no one knew if the spaceship had been fully evacuated, and Steve’s position was ideal to drop in. Sure, he could have waited, but HYDRA clearly wanted what was inside the ship, and, if there was anyone in there, any second they missed increased the risk of casualties, and Steve didn’t want any lives lost that day, alien or not.

Except no one was inside.

Nothing, in fact, seemed to be inside – that is, aside from one very small, very significant machine irradiating a green glow, that turned its rays towards Steve the second he saw it.

He was a moment too late to raise the shield, and, if the ray had been a laser, he would most likely be dead by now.

Except it wasn’t. Instead, it was, according to what Bruce said later, some kind of small, focused time travel device. Bruce’s theory was that it was probably used to study alien specimens, being able to take a single sample of a plant or an animal and transform it into different phases of its life, allowing the species that owned the machine (whoever they were) to properly study it.

His eyes had sparkled when he proclaimed this. It was, in his words, “absolutely brilliant.”

Steve hated it.

Now that he was back to the small, skinny frame he had spent so much of his life in, he especially hated it. He would have preferred to be turned back into a baby, if those were his only options.

No one seemed to fully understand the extent of Steve’s frustration. A few moments after he was transformed, he was kneeling on the ground, struggling to catch a breath with his new-old faulty lungs, swimming in his battle suit, and Tony and Thor had flown in, and they both seemed to focus more on the fact that he was alive than anything else.

Sam ended up being the one who flew him back to the quinjet, where he was sent straight to medical while the others surveyed the rest of the ship.

So Steve sat there, alone in the medical area, listening as SHIELD’s doctors took his vitals and gave him a rundown of all the ails and health issues he perfectly remembered having. It was like being trapped in a nightmare you already had several nights in a row, and that you thought you wouldn’t have when you closed your eyes to sleep again, but then you did.

The result was that, by the time the team got back, his mood was already awful, and it hadn’t really improved ever since, in the past few days. He resisted any attempts made by Nat and Thor to talk about it, and, to be honest, he hadn’t so much as glanced at Tony so far.

“Okay, so,” Bruce said, going through a tablet where he could see every single one of the failures of Steve’s body. “I take it that you’re adapting well to the hearing aid?”

Steve nodded.

“Okay. How are your lungs doing?”

“I’m breathing,” Steve deadpanned. He felt a little guilty immediately afterwards – Bruce hadn’t shrunk him, he had nothing to do with this - but Bruce didn’t seem to mind, only typing something else in his tablet. Steve shifted a little, and the already sharp pain in his back increased for one excruciating moment before quieting down once he returned to a more forgiving position. “How about the reverse ray?”

“We’re still working on it,” Bruce replied, and Steve held back a frustrated sigh. “But we think we’ve figured out the ray’s mechanism already – so it’s really a matter of when, and not if.”

“Right,” Steve said. That still wasn’t enough – the reality of being back in that body was enough to overwhelm the rationality that it would all be over soon – but it helped.

“In the meantime,” Bruce continued, back to looking at the tablet, and Steve got the distinct feeling he was avoiding looking at him. “Is there anything else about your health you want to talk about? Anything bothering you?”

Steve clenched his fists. Everything, from his breath to his eyesight to the angle of his vision, had changed in a heartbeat, and Steve had a hard time figuring out what bothered him the most.

Or—on second though, no, he didn’t. For all the old issues he was having to face again, the thing that bothered Steve the most was having to stay benched on the days after the battle for the ship. He couldn’t help Thor while he was guarding the perimeter just in case more HYDRA agents or aliens would show up. He couldn’t help Hulk and Tony to unload heavy machinery they got from the spaceship in a quinjet. Hell, he couldn’t even sit down to analyze the intel they got with the captured HYDRA members to form future strategies to rally basis, because, as Fury put it, he couldn’t plan battles he wasn’t sure he’d be able to fight yet. Even if it was a matter of when, as Bruce put it, the when mattered, because SHIELD couldn’t take any chances he’d plan an OP he might not be able to put in practice when they needed him to.

So instead he went to the infirmary regularly, bore the endless tests Bruce and every doctor at SHIELD seemed to want to do with him, and generally walked around the Tower being useless, watching as his team learned to work without him.

Yeah, that was by far the worst part.

But he couldn’t say any of that to Bruce. He’d sound whiney and unfair—it was, after all, ridiculous to resent the fact that the Avengers seemed to be doing very well without his leadership. He knew he should be glad things were working smoothly, instead of sitting there and complaining about how his back was aching.

“I’m fine,” he said then, because he was. “Can I go now?” He hated sitting there in the lab, feeling exposed and pitiful. He was tired and frustrated and he wanted to go for a run or punch a sandbag, and he couldn’t do either of those things.

“Sure,” Bruce agreed.

Steve hurried to get up from the exam table, but sitting up made his spine ache in protest. He did his best to keep his expression under control. Back then, before the serum, he used to have those pains all the time, a result of his oddly twisted skeleton. He had tried to correct his posture, because God knew he didn’t need to look even shorter than he already was, but all those efforts had been useless.

“Are you going to your floor?” Bruce asked, raising his head from his phone. “Tony said he’ll be coming home in a few minutes. He’s asking if you want dinner.”

Steve thought guiltily of his own phone, carefully forgotten next to his bed precisely so he could avoid that interaction. “No, thanks,” he said, standing up and walking towards the door.

-

Tony ended up ambushing him during one of his checkup sessions with Bruce.

Or, well – it was supposed to be a checkup session with Bruce, or so Steve thought when he came down to the lab. He had been led to believe Tony was still at a board meeting. Instead, as soon as he steps inside, there Tony was, sitting on a chair, fiddling with some schematics Steve didn’t recognize.

“Hey,” Tony said, not raising his eyes to look at him. Steve swallowed.

“Is Bruce here?”

“Nope,” Tony replied, popping the last syllable with a deliberate casualness that just looked, well, very deliberate. He twirled on his chair, looking at Steve. “He asked me to do your checkup today.”

Steve stayed silent for a moment, Tony staring at him as if in a challenge, until Steve broke the dam. “No, he didn’t.”

“Yeah.” Tony raised his hands in a surrender motion, but his eyes didn’t yield. “You’re right, he didn’t. I asked.” He stood up, finally dropping the casual act to look at Steve with a wounded expression. “Because you were avoiding me and I didn’t know what else to do. So I decided to surprise you during your doctor appointment. Sue me – you won’t be the first, or the last.”

Steve looked away. “What do you want?”

Tony scoffed. “I don’t know? To talk, maybe? Perhaps it was different in your time, Cap, but nowadays, when you’re hooking up with someone, it gets a little weird if they just start ignoring you out of the blue.”

The sharpness in his voice – the ironic Cap, along with the mocking reference to his time – stung, a reminder of a time where this was the only voice Tony seemed to have to talk with him. They had been past that for a while, now – way past that, Steve thought, face heating a little at the memory of their last encounters – and it wasn’t fair for Steve to make Tony feel he had to retreat back to this kind of treatment.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He meant it – honestly, his intention hadn’t been to ignore Tony. He just… didn’t want to face him. “I guess I was still—adjusting.”

Tony watched him warily, and then his face softened, though he still looked a little pained. “Yeah, I imagined that.” His eyes studied Steve, who crossed his arms in reflex. “How are you holding up?”

Tonight, I woke up thinking I was dying, Steve thought. Then I remembered to use my inhaler. Then I lay down and kept thinking of how I can’t run half a mile now, and I fell asleep again, because now I’m tired all the time, and I’m sleeping more than I’ve slept in the past three months combined. I dreamt I was useless, and then I woke up and I was right.

In a different world, maybe he’d be able to say it aloud.

“I’m fine,” he said instead.

Tony also crossed his arms, mimicking Steve’s stance. “Really?”

Steve’s stomach twisted. He wanted to tell Tony everything he was feeling – the discomfort, the embarrassment, the frustration, the fear – but the words wouldn’t come out. Part of it was because he felt unable to say those things to anyone, but another part, he knew, was because this was Tony. Tony had spent so much time with him, the last few months. He had touched him and smiled at him and kissed him, and now Steve was too afraid to face him, too afraid to make him realize he most likely wouldn’t want to do any of these things as long as Steve was like this.

He looked down, his face hot with embarrassment and discomfort at Tony’s stare. His behavior wasn’t fair – Tony deserved better than to be avoided, especially with no apparent reason. But still, he found the words wouldn’t come out, locked inside his throat, trapped under too much fear and pride to be set free.

“My back hurts,” he said instead.

That, at least, was true. The pain had varied in intensity since the first hours after the serum was removed, growing and lessening at random intervals, but never truly vanishing.

It wasn’t everything, but it was something.

Tony seemed to digest the information.

“It’s because of the scoliosis,” he said, and Steve’s head snapped at him. “Geez, don’t look so shocked—I mean, come on, it was in your file. It’s hardly a state secret.”

Steve clenched his jaw. He didn’t like the idea of Tony looking at his file—ridiculously, he was embarrassed at the thought of Tony reading his long catalog of ailments, enumerated like an exaggeratedly extensive grocery shopping list. Three chronic colds, a piece of high blood pressure, a pinch of asthma, and some general heart trouble, because you never know when you might need it.

Tony walked closer to him, his face inquiring. “Where does it hurt?”

“Just—all over,” Steve replied without thinking, then quickly added: “On my back, I mean.”

“Yeah, I got that.” Tony circled him, not letting his eyes off Steve’s body. Steve tightened the cross of his arms. “Bruce’s data didn’t mention anything about it bothering you, but I guess it should have been obvious. It just slipped by us.”

Guilt bubbled in Steve’s stomach. “It’s okay,” he said, because God knew he was being enough of a burden without anyone worrying about the effects of his newly re-acquired hideous posture. “You’ve both been working a lot.”

Tony ignored him, pulling his phone from his pocket, pressing a few buttons on the screen. “I suppose it’s a regular back ache, so there’s really nothing to prescribe other than an analgesic. If you were going to stay like this in the long term, the obvious suggestion would be physical therapy, but by all accounts, you should be back to physical perfection soon, so it’s a little pointless.”

Steve winced. Tony wasn’t saying anything to be cruel, he knew, but still, like this and physical perfection hurt. It occurred to him maybe Tony had been working very hard on reverting him back to the serum because he knew how awkward it would be to have to break things off between them entirely because Steve now looked like a malnourished fourteen-year-old.

Then Tony raised his eyes. “I could maybe give you a back rub?” Since Steve didn’t immediately reply, he continued: “It’s a pretty effective way to alleviate the pain. And I know how to do it – I used to do it on Pepper, like, all the time. Gained some experience.”

Steve inhaled sharply. There was no way to refuse without seeming too rude, or to make Tony think he really was just avoiding him because he didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

Still, he didn’t want Tony touching his body – not that body. He didn’t want him to pay any more attention to it than it was strictly necessary (maybe not even that).

Steve stood in silence for a moment, and then the unwillingness of being unfairly rude to Tony won out his conflict. “Okay,” he said.

Tony smiled. “Alright.” He gestured to a lab table behind him. “Do you want to get started? Usually I’d offer somewhere more comfortable,” his voice lowered a bit, with an edge of suggestion that sent a spark of heat down Steve’s belly, “but I’d like for JARVIS to gather data during the process, if you don’t mind.”

Steve didn’t know how that could help, but he nodded.

He followed Tony to the chosen table, near Tony’s work counter. Tony positioned himself across it and patted a spot for Steve.

“You can sit up or lie down, your pick.”

Steve choose to sat up. It made him feel less exposed, though only marginally.

“So,” Tony started, after he positioned himself. “Is there a specific spot or area that’s been bugging you?”

Steve thought about the question. It was hard to tell – most of the time, he found that his back pain tended to morph into a general, enveloping feel of discomfort, accompanied by a burning ache in a few specific areas. He did his best to point these out – unsurprisingly, they veered mostly to the center, between his shoulder blades, down to his coccyx and up to his neck.

“Okay,” Tony said. Steve braced for his touch, but, even after a moment, there was nothing. “Uh, Steve? I need you to take your shirt off.”

Steve pressed his lips together in a thin line. While that was an obvious request for a back rub, he didn’t want to relinquish the protection of his oversized t-shirt.

“That’s a weird time to get modest, you know,” Tony continued. Steve’s stomach felt tied up on itself, in a painful knot of anxiety. “I’ve seen a lot from you now, so that ship has kind of sailed, buddy.”

Not like this, Steve thought. Tony hadn’t seen the weird curve of his back, how one of his shoulders was slightly more elevated than the other one, or how his spine stuck out against his skin, as if he was going to break with a single touch. He hadn’t seen any of it.

But maybe he should, Steve thought, a little bitterly. It wasn’t as if Tony had any illusion that a beautiful muscular back was under the t-shirt’s fabric, but the reality was still uglier than if Steve had just dropped fifty pounds overnight. He wasn’t just small and skinny – his body was just strange, twisted and frail and nearly broken in its very shape, and maybe Tony had to get a good look at it firsthand to truly understand the extent of it.

“Okay,” Steve said, his heart hammering in his chest. He removed his shirt in one hurried, nervous movement, as if he was pulling a band aid.

For a moment, Tony didn’t say anything. Steve’s face burned, heat concentrating dangerously in his vision. He blinked rapidly to avoid any further humiliation.

“This might be a little cold,” Tony warned, and it indeed was – his hands lay on Steve’s shoulders in a careful, slow motion, and yet they sent a chill down Steve’s back, slick with some kind of oil. “I’m gonna start on top, alright?”

Steve nodded, wordlessly. Tony splayed his hands, his two thumbs pressing under Steve’s neck, drawing a circle of light pressure, and it hurt for a moment, until it didn’t, and Steve had to hold back a sigh. Tony’s touch was steady and strong, and his motions brought relief to Steve’s neck and shoulders, as if pushing every muscle to its respective spot. Even with the oil, the contact with Tony’s calloused hands eventually grew warmer, and Steve melted a little at every squeeze.

God, he thought, at a danger of feeling his eyes burning again. It had barely been a week since Tony had last touched him, and he didn’t even know he had missed it so much.

“Feels good, huh?” Tony whispered, sounding amused, and Steve almost instinctively attempted to straighten his back. “Hey, relax. It’s supposed to feel good, you know.”

He kept the massage focused on Steve’s upper body for a while, raising both hands to the back of Steve’s neck to firmly press his fingers, one by one, against Steve’s skin. Steve felt as if his neck was being elongated, relief climbing to his head and spreading all over his body.

“I think you should lie down, now,” Tony said, and Steve, breaking from his trance, opened his eyes.

He turned slowly to place his legs over the table. Tony helped him turn over, and Steve noticed the way his eyes traced the front of his body, studying his exposed chest. He hurried to lie on his belly, even if Tony eyeing his back wasn’t much better.

“Gotta say,” Tony commented as he placed his hands on the area under Steve’s shoulder blades. “I thought you wouldn’t let me do this. Almost asked Bruce to offer it instead.”

Guilt curled in Steve’s chest, but he couldn’t bring himself to argue. He wouldn’t have minded nearly as much if it was Bruce seeing his naked torso. It was the thought of Tony’s opinion on his current body that scared him the most.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Tony chuckled.

“Relax.” He spread some more oil over Steve’s lower back. “He’s the healthcare professional, I get it.” Steve almost opened his mouth to say that clearly, he didn’t, when Tony’s thumbs pressed on his lower muscles and he inhaled sharply instead. “But I’m not so bad, see?”

“You’re… definitely confident,” Steve deadpanned, mostly just so Tony would laugh again, and he succeeded.

“I’m not a pro, but I have a few tricks,” Tony said. “Besides, from what I’ve read, your case is pretty mild. Anyway, nowadays there’s surgery, too, which also can help.”

Steve stayed silent for a moment, but then he couldn’t help himself anymore: “But I won’t need it, right? I’m—I’m getting back to normal soon.”

Tony’s hands stopped moving. “Yes, you are. It’s just a matter of reversing the ray’s mechanism – Bruce and I will get it done in a few more days.” Even already knowing that, relief loosened Steve’s chest. “But…”

Steve tensed up. “But what?”

“But, I mean, you know you don’t have a death sentence, right? A lot has changed since everyone declared you unfit for duty. Everything you have is either treatable or manageable. Sure, you can’t rip off car doors anymore, but—” He paused, and Steve heard a sharp inhale of breath. “The shield isn’t heavy. All you’d need is a little practice with it, to get the hang of your new body balance. At worst, you could get some new gear for extra protection, but that’s it. You can still fight even if your body functions differently – look at Rhodey.”

Steve blinked, the impact of Tony’s words washing over him. He made it all sound so simple, so obvious.

“Tony,” he croaked, a little unsure of what to say. “That’s—that sounds like a lot of work to keep a ninety-pound asthmatic on the field.”

“Bullshit,” Tony countered, and his words cut through the insistent cloud of Steve’s misery, certain and unwavering. “We need you—your… your leadership, okay? Hell, I’ll build an armor if that’s what it takes. Nobody’s benching you, Cap.”

“I don’t want an armor,” Steve smiled. He looked away, his head turned to the opposite direction, so Tony hopefully couldn’t tell his eyes were misty. “But thank you, Tony.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked, and if Steve were to guess, he’d say he was only half-joking. “I’d be willing to give you some cool party tricks. Not as cool as mine, mind you, but something entertaining, for sure.”

“I’d rather stick with my shield,” Steve said. Tony’s hands started spreading the new oil all over, in soothing, large swipes, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes. Tony’s touch was comforting, his hands heavy and yet gentle, and his words were still warming up Steve in the inside. “You sure people would take my orders in this size?” he asked, a little dazed.

“’Course they would,” Tony replied – immediately, so certain, as if the possibility of the contrary didn’t even occur to him.

Steve bit his lower lip, relief and comfort washing over him, but there was still one last, gnawing anxiety that he couldn’t ignore.

“What would we do?” he finally forced himself to ask, keeping his eyes shut as an extra, though illusory, protection. He didn’t want to see the expression in Tony’s face. “If I… stayed like this?”

There was a silence in which Steve’s heart sank, and he took a breath to brace himself for the inevitable.

“I… don’t know?” Tony said, sounding perplexed by the question. “I mean, we’d probably need to get you a new wardrobe, in the first place. Not that you don’t look cute walking around in shirts that could swallow you or anything, but it would hardly be practical in the long term.” His voice travelled to Steve’s chest, sweet but clueless, completely unaware of the thought that had been frightening him for so long. As if it was unthinkable. “And, uh, I guess JARVIS would need some upgrades to take into account when ordering food, to watch for your dietary restrictions. And—I don’t know, what else would you need?” he mused, and Steve could see his face clearly in his mind, his tongue sticking out as whenever he thought of something new, his bright, clever eyes already filled with ideas. “Oh, yeah, of course—physical therapy for your back, probably.”

Steve’s lips curled in an unavoidable smile. He was glad he had closed his eyes – he had the feeling he wouldn’t be able to keep himself together if he was actually looking at Tony right now.

“Would you give me more of these?”

There was a pause, and then Tony leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Steve’s skinny, uneven shoulder. “As many as you’d want,” he whispered, his voice reverent in a way that made Steve shiver.

“What if I don’t stay like this?” Steve asked, because he couldn’t resist—the warmth of Tony’s touch was spreading all over his body, creating a giddy feeling that made Steve want to giggle and say silly things. “But you gave me back rubs anyway?”

Tony chuckled, giving the back of Steve’s neck a nice, affectionate squeeze. “That,” he said, going back to the task of melting Steve’s heart with his fingertips, “could definitely be arranged.”

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

1/2 so i’ve been dealing with (read ignoring) an ankle/foot injury for a number of weeks/months. i kept telling myself it was fine because there’s no bruising etc and i was marathon training and had consulted with a pod who showed me how to strap etc. in reality it’s not getting better and it’s been about 10 weeks since the original injury. the marathon has been cancelled. ive pulled back on training but i think i probably need a proper rest... i’m scared that ill put on weight but ashamed that

2/2 this is my fear because i am the first to say it does not matter and weight fluctuates etc etc which i DO believe but i also have a history of anorexia and disordered eating and find change hard. also im scared of losing fitness and having to start again.. i don’t really know what my question is. tell me to take time off? going to try and get a go app & mri scan for see if there’s any visible damage to ankle/foot but don’t know that i’ll be able to with all the restrictions atm... sigh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

okay hi I weirdly love that you sent me this message, don’t get me wrong that is a shitty spot to be in and I’m sending you a big hug, BUT I feel like I could have literally written this myself I resonate SO much so....hopefully because of that I can say something somewhat useful.

First of all. Take a break. I mean it. Just stop everything for like...a week to start (obviously longer is fine too, but a week might seem less terrifying at first). That doesn’t mean oh I’ll take a break from running but bike 20 miles a day...no! I am also someone who has an EXTREMELY hard time giving myself permission to rest (aside from my rest day) because I will internally debate until the end of time over whether or not it’s necessary etc. etc. and honestly I get a huge sense of relief when a medical professional tells me to take a break because I’m like oh okay cool this is literally their career they know what they are talking about and I’m listening to their advice. BUT especially if you are injured and you ARE injured from what I am hearing here even if you do not technically have the scans to prove it yet, you NEED to rest. If you keep going and pushing through the pain you are going to dig yourself deeper and deeper into the hole and it is going to take WAY longer to dig yourself out. Also, especially given your ED history, I would be extra precautious about handling injuries and ensuring proper recovery. Obviously I know literally nothing about your injury or your ED background, but I would not take a lack of bruising to mean that it’s nothing serious (I’m not trying to scare you here but I feel like sometimes we need to have someone just shove the truth in our face so here you go). If it is something like a stress fracture for instance (which again, I have NO idea the details of your issue so maybe it isn’t), then you might not *see* anything but your bones would LITERALLY BE BREAKING and the more you run on that the more you are breaking them down and the recovery could move from just needing a few weeks rest to needing surgery. Not to mention the long term damage you would be doing to your body. Something I had to really, really come to terms with after I got my stress fracture was realizing I had been underfueling for YEARS and even if I wasn’t actively trying to restrict myself, I had gotten used to not eating enough and that meant my bones were breaking down more and more every. single. day. and it is easiest to build bone density when you are young and gets progressively more difficult as you age so the choices you make today are going to affect you deeply in the future. It’s easy to see it as just one extra run or one skipped snack but the truth is that for those of us who buy into those things we never really stop at one, and all of those “just this one time”s add up. And it’s not good. This past summer I forced myself to take a week off of literally everything not because anything was physically wrong but because I realized I was exercising way too much and significantly undereating and I knew I was on the fast track to hurting myself and causing long term damage.

To your second point about fear of gaining weight- first of all I have so, so, so much respect for you for being able to admit that fear because realistically a lot of us have it, I certainly dealt with it when I was injured, and even if we rationally know that in the grand scheme of things it ~doesn’t matter~ the truth is that coming from an ED background the thought of weight gain is probably going to cause some anxiety! like you said I could talk all day about why gaining weight doesn’t matter and you are more than a number etc. etc. but you and I both already know that. Maybe this is a problematic approach that I’m about to share but honestly if someone had told me this when I first found out about my stress fracture it probably would have relieved anxiety and especially given these wild times I think relieving anxiety is prob a good thing- when I had my stress fracture I didn’t workout for four months. Literally NOTHING. no cross training. no swimming. no biking. no walks. I was on crutches. I literally had to be driven to class. My activity level was at a -12. I ate almost exactly the same as when I wasn’t injured (which, led me to learn I was DEFINITELY under eating), and I gained MAYBE like....5 pounds or less (or maybe none at all it honestly was probably 99% in my head). Literally not enough for anyone at ALL to notice except for me because my pants felt a tiny bit tighter. This honestly made me question a lot of things. For one, I knew I needed to really up my intake when I was allowed to be active again. Two, I started to reallllly question WHY I felt the need to do all this activity if being completely inactive didn’t lead to my body changing much. It made me realize how much I underlyingly relied on exercise to micromanage my body. It was a lot to think about.

ALSO. I didn’t get my period regularly for about 4 years and once that stress fracture hit I made it my MISSION to get it back (and I did!) because that is a huge red flag and I knew that if I wasn’t getting it, that once my bone healed even if I was cleared to run again I was just on track to get another injury because sure maybe THAT injury healed but my shitty bones were still shitty and that meant another injury was just as likely. I decided that gaining a little weight (whatever that meant) was critical  because I would much rather be a few pounds heavier than constantly switching between running and injured. Also, more importantly, I want to be able to be active throughout my whole life and if your bones are shit at 21 (when I got my stress fracture) you are probably going to be really f**ked once you are actually the age that people’s bones start to deteriorate. 

The most important thing I have learned is that everything you do in terms of over exercise/under eating has HUGE LONG TERM CONSEQUENCES and it is SO easy to ignore that when you are in the thick of it because often you don’t feel those consequences until years later but listen, you do not want to wait for things to get really bad before you decide to start trying to truly, properly recover.

It’s really easy to get caught in that inbetween place of not doing horribly but also definitely not feeling as free as you could when it comes to food/body stuff. Ask yourself WHY you are scared of gaining weight and like I said, operating under the assumption that we know weight gain is okay etc. etc., realistically your body is probably not going to go through some wild change if you just take a break. Think about it, most people barely exercise and they eat whatever and they are all FINE! It’s easy on the internet/social media to feel like everyone is out running 23498239432 miles and eating kale or whatever but most people really aren’t like that and they are getting along just fine.

Also, something that helped me was realizing that I really do not want to spend my whole life constantly terrified that if I eat too much or take a break or whatever my body is going to change etc. etc. and I realized that if i don’t want to spend my whole life worried about that then at SOME POINT I was going to have to just start living how I wanted to because 1. once you start living how you want to you realize the world does not in fact end and you can have your cake and eat it too (ha). and 2. you aren’t going to just suddenly wake up one day and not care about these things anymore, if you really want to be free from it you need to make a conscious effort to live the life you actually want, not the one that is stemmed in fear

In the past year I have grown SO much in terms of food/exercise. And my body has literally not changed. I was holding on so tightly to this perceived control that was entirely unnecessary. Your body is designed to want to stay generally the same (unless of course you are currently in an unhealthy spot) and when you just chill out for a sec you realize that your body is capable of doing naturally what you thought you had to be micromanaging and taking care of all along. 

I will leave you with a quote that I heard one time somewhere (how’s that for a source) “You have a lot more to gain than you do to lose”

By letting your body heal

By not making decisions out of fear of gaining weight

By eating what you want

etc.

This was long af and I may have rambled but I hope it helps. Like I said, I’m not trying to scare anyone but also sometimes feeling a little bit of that “oh shit wtf am I doing” feeling is the kick in the butt you need. (but I know it is super duper hard and I am sending you all the love and support and also hoping your foot is something minor)

So yes, take a break, talk to your dr, be super honest with them. When I had my stress fracture my dr and pt were both like ok here’s the deal- rest and eat a lot of food. so I would advise that ;)

[hollenka99]

The Vlogger

Summary: With no choice but to keep going, Chase meets others like him and starts his second chance at life with them. 

Warnings: Suicide, alcoholism, self deprecation, depression

@egopocalypse

As soon as Chase Brody pulls the trigger, he regrets it. Not because the rapid loss of blood is dizzying or he knows he may have something to live for. Instead, he rethinks things due to the pain. There's a hole in his skull, a hole he put there himself. If he knew he'd remain conscious, he wouldn't have bothered with the gun. So he's stuck there on the ground, the camera crew hovering uncertainly as an ambulance is called. The thing is, he doesn't want to actually die, doesn't want his children to grow up without their dad. He just wants a way out. No matter what he does, he can never fix the situation at home. Now Stacy was taking them from him. If he won't get to watch them grow up then it should be because he made it impossible, not Stacy. He believes that was the logic that got him in this situation. It was a stupid piece of logic. If the ambulance doesn't hurry up, he won't have much longer to dwell on it. For fuck's sake, why couldn't it have been instant? He can't even shoot himself properly. Now is not the moment to admit that may actually be a good thing. He finds himself waking in a hospital bed. As sure of his abilities as he is stern, Chase doesn't know what to make of the German doctor attending to him. The guy's bedside manner could do with slight improvement at times. However, Chase can't deny he's helpful when he needs to be. Chase find his left arm doesn't work as it used to. Apparently, he suffered damage to his premotor cortex. He won't be able to perform complex actions with that arm, whatever the hell 'complex actions' meant. Physical therapy is advised. He's too preoccupied by the fact he wrecked part of his brain to listen too intensely. That hadn't been in his list of things he'd hoped to achieve. Well, he supposes he had wanted to mess things up in that area of his body. But... the fatal kind. Not that he really knows what he wants in general. Except probably stopping the shitshow that was commonly referred to as his life from plaguing him further. He wants Stacy. And the kids. He wants to be the father and husband of a happy family. He wants to be happy himself. Dr Schneeplestein provides him with an address after he lets it slip he has nowhere to go after being released. It's where the doctor's friends live. They are always open to welcoming a new inhabitant. Chase's isn't convinced he should bother. Schneeplestein suggests he should at least think about it. Well, it's not like he has anywhere else to go. He might as well give these people a chance. Jack is really friendly once he arrives at the house. After checking Chase was aware of Sean, he calls someone named Marvin to the living room. Marvin is clearly a very cold person. The welcome he delivers is the opposite of Jack's. One had made him feel like he was welcome, the other seemed to want him gone immediately. Well fuck you too, Marvin. Despite being quiet and somewhat of a loner, at least Angus didn't seem too bad. Chase doesn't know how to react when Jack directs him to a private clinic within the building. He's even more at a loss for words when Dr Schneeplestein is there, greeting him. Okay, yeah, he gets it. While the doctor may not live in the building, he was an ego himself. Chase had noticed the similarity in appearance when it came to the guys here. Over the coming days, Schneeplestein checks up on him. He promises it is okay to call him Henrik if wants. Their discussions develop into a mix of formal medical stuff and informal getting to know each other better. Schneep reveals he is himself a father of three. He suggests Chase talk a little bit about himself. Okay. Well, his name was Chase Brody. He ran a YouTube channel called Bro Average where he performed trickshots. Occasionally well rehearsed stunts too. He had been married to a woman called Stacy. However, she had just announced she wanted a divorce. She was planning to take full custody of their two children. Their names are- they are... Wait, why couldn't he remember their names? Did the incident take some of his memories? Shit, don't tell him he's fucked up his memories as well as his arm. But he's been thinking about the situation since waking up, here and at the hospital. Wait, no, he was just thinking of them as 'the kids'. Why the hell hadn't he noticed before now? He was a bad father, just like Stacy had- "Chase?" "They're my children, how can I not remember their names?" "I did not either." The doctor reassures him. "Maybe talk to Jack, he is good with names. Helped me remember." He does indeed speak to Jack. They reach Noah without too much issue. It takes several names to get there, sure, but his son's name is fairly common. His daughter though... this was taking forever. Even Jack sounds like he's losing hope as the suggestion of Daisy is accompanied by a sigh. Chase is so thankful this is the one to stir something within him. Encouraging Jack to keep on the plant-based route hits his helper with a second wind. A handful of names later, they finally reach their destination of Willow. Willow and Noah. He remembers now. He can see a 4 year old girl with dark hair who loved mint choc chip ice cream. Then there was her 3 year old brother who loved to chat about anything and everything. They may not have been born at the right time in their parents' lives but he by no means loved them any less because of that. Not everyone has memories of rocking their daughter to sleep while studying. He'd love to hold those two again. As the days and weeks go by, Marvin remains distant. Chase approaches Jack, needing to know what the hell the magician's deal was. He learns there had been another ego, a 16 year old superhero who'd arrived in July. At the beginning of November, Jackie had slipped out to clear his head. Suffice to say, he was yet to return home. Marvin and Jackie had been becoming close friends at the time of his disappearance. He was simply grieving more noticeably than Jack. Jack also takes this opportunity to discuss a second mystery ego. Antisepticeye was very dangerous, not to mention unpredictable. Jack had caught glimpses of him prior to his official appearances on the channel in October. Anti was the one behind Jack's throat scar. Understandably, he'd rather not go into that day. What was important was that Chase did his best to stay safe from Anti, now that he was aware of him. Anti had attempted to kill Jack, abducted Jackie and recently, hijacked Sean's PAX panel entrance reel to threaten the audience. If Chase ever found himself in Anti's sights, run. Drop anything non-essential that may slow him down and get the hell out of there. Eventually the interactions that seem forced melt into something nicer. It's still clear the memory of Jackie will remain superior to him. However, it was good to be more than tolerated by Marvin. Things are easier like this. As it turns out, the magician is actually a pretty cool dude. He's really into plants and able to do a lot of cool stuff with his magic. Please keep everything made of iron away from him though. The first time he bought alcohol, he pretended the intention was innocuous. He'd had a shitty few months. It would just be to take the edge off a bit. Better to get a little tipsy than try to permanently escape again. 'A little tipsy' soon becomes stumbling to bed drunk. Which inevitably results in painfully frequent hangovers. It's a good thing he doesn't have to save money for rent or anything. He can keep this habit going for longer. Of course, this behavioural change doesn't go unnoticed. Jack encourages him to limit himself to a bottle a day, if he needs to drink at all. He understands and appreciates his concern. However, it wasn't exactly his place to dictate what Chase could and couldn't do. This talk still has an effect on his drinking habits. He gets better at hiding his stash. The best thing about the bedrooms in this house were that they changed to fit the needs of the ego whose bedroom it was. This in turn meant he had a mini fridge without asking for it aloud. Jack and Marvin grow more desperate with trying to get through with him. There are weeks were he does genuinely attempt to make an effort to improve. Those attempts don't usually go well. At least there are two people cheering him on. Stacy's even been more approachable about the split during the past month or so, which was pleasant. She still wants full custody though. Especially because she's aware of his issue with alcohol seemingly developing into something likely diagnosable as alcoholism. That would be motivation enough to get him to stop. It only makes him feel worse when he gives in to temptation. At the end of July, Jack invites him and Marvin to marathon the Harry Potter films. He's had an argument with Sean and needs the distraction. Following the end of the second film, Marvin leaves for a moment to take a bathroom break. He turns to his friend on the other end of the sofa. "I-" A pause to question whether he should even bother with this line of conversation. "Jack, I don't get you, dude." "Uh, okay. Where did this come from?" "I don't know. I just don't get why you bother with Sean. You always seem to be at each other's throats." "Why did you try to hang on to your relationship with Stacy for so long?" "Hey, don't bring her into this." "Well?" Chase gives the most exaggerated shrug he can muster before crossing his arms, curling into himself on the sofa as he does so. The best Jack is getting out of him is a mumble. "Dunno. Still love her. Kids." "Yeah, well, Sean and I have quite a history ourselves. What can I say? We can't really go our separate ways by this point. He's an asshole but I still love him despite it. It's... it's complicated. We've known each other since we were kids. We were there for each other back then and we are still down to hang out now. I mean, that's what happened today. He's a busy dude and I don't expect him to drop everything for me. Yet we still make time for each other." Jack pauses to pick up his glass. "Want me to top you up before we start Prisoner of Azkaban?" "Jack." "I was made to be his friend. I can't... not be. Like I said, it's complicated. So, top up?" Days later, he spots Jack stumbling towards where Henrik was privately working on something. When he asks if his friend is feeling well, Jack waves him off, excusing it as 'probably nothing serious'. The words sound strained, as if he's attempting to keep his lunch in. Chase would call him out on the blatant understatement, were it not obvious Jack didn't want the fuss. The first clue he gets is Marvin leaving his room to hover restlessly in the corridor. The magician murmurs about something in the air feeling off. Chase suggests opening a window to aid air circulation, only for Marvin to snap that it wasn't like that. Besides, it was August and fairly warm. Most windows were already open. The second is Henrik being heard loudly speaking his surname. It doesn't sound right, almost like he's not the one to have said it. Marvin freezes at this. This has clearly shaken him for some unknown reason. As rapidly as the noise had stopped Marvin in his tracks does it cause him to pivot and march in the direction of where Schneep is working. The final hint of what is unfolding is Marvin's desperation. He's at the door to the med bay, pounding it with any spell he can think of. Chase rams into it whenever he is sure he isn't at risk of being unintentionally hit. They cry out to Henrik and swear they're coming to help. The locked door receives a series of abuse in a matter of minutes. The door finally gives. Marvin blocks his view temporarily but he sees regardless. There are too many wires and machines for him to comprehend they're all attached to one person. If he'd known, he would have swapped places with Jack in a heartbeat. Henrik is nowhere to be found. Chase's first encounter with Anti has robbed him of two of his good friends. His and Marvin's lifestyles change immediately. Marvin rarely has time to practice magic. Chase, similarly, puts Bro Average to one side. They both focus on providing Jack with the best care their inexperience can form. They are way in over their heads with this. However, Jack remains alive. They must be doing something vaguely correct. The 17 year old in the stolen outfit appears at their door a month on. Chase originally assumes this is a new ego. Oh, Marvin is going to be livid. He already lost his cool when Robbie showed up. Let's not even mention when Sean attempts a visit. Either way, the kid looks completely shattered and like he could collapse in a heap any moment now. He struggles to focus on the sentence he's trying to finish. This ego really is out of it. What kind of video did Sean upload today that it produced someone so wrecked? The teenager sways a little. Chase moves to steady him while Marvin is spouting the same shit about how Sean better not have created another ego. Tired of Marvin's anger at this specific moment, he calls him over to help. The magician barely enters the hallway before the newbie crumples into Chase's hold. He glances back at Marvin, a second away from encouraging him to assist him already. The haunted expression on his friend's face prevents that. Oh. This was Jackie. Of course it was. The two of them place him in the medical bay. Marvin withdraws into himself. Especially in the following days. He spends all his time hanging around Jackie. All he talks about is Jackie and how he's doing. Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. Listen, Chase is glad Jackie has returned home. Ecstatic, even. It's just... things have drastically changed in the household in barely any time at all. First it was Jack slipping into a coma. Now it's Jackie showing up after months of no clues regarding his whereabouts. It doesn't help when the teenager sticks to Marvin's side wherever possible and acts wary of Chase. He supposes he gets it. Marvin is the only person, other than Angus, whom the young superhero recognises from his pre-Anti life. Meanwhile, Marvin, who has spent close to a year missing his friend, wishes to protect him as much as he can. Either way, Chase gently inserts himself into the friendship group. He's heard about this guy a fair bit and felt his absence in the grief of those who'd loved him. He wants to get to know him. It took a couple months for Marvin to be chill with him. Chase would rather not return to being rejected once more. That's why he continues to be Marvin's person to spill his woes to and the one to let Jackie know he's not judgmental of the potential symptoms of PTSD on display. October isn't a good month. An ego named Shawn Flynn is born on the 5th as a result of Sean's video involving his Bendy voice role. On Halloween, they find it very suspicious that an ego who got a personal video hasn't shown up at their home yet. Didn't this guy also have pictures on Instagram as of earlier this week? He really should be here. Especially seeing as he had his own room waiting for his arrival. Chase volunteers himself to speak to Sean. As it turns out, that was the right move. When Sean lets him in, he is introduced to Jameson Jackson. It goes down as well as expected. Chase brings Jameson home and give him the house tour. As they travel around the building, he ensures Jameson knows Sean is not to be trusted. When the new ego argues that their creator had accommodated him, Chase decides this moment was as good as any to visit the medical bay. "This is Jack. He's a prime example of what happens when keep trusting Sean and believing he actually cares. We're not shitting on Sean for the hell of it. We do it because he's a dick and we'd rather not force anyone else to lose their friend." Chase takes a stabilising breath. He shows Jameson to his new room and suggests he familiarise himself with it this afternoon. If he needs anything, feel free to give him a tap on the shoulder. He has to admit, Sean has balls. Not only did he trick Jameson into being his friend, he's trying to get Chase to sympathise with him too. Sean even has the nerve to give some sob story. Obviously, he'd twist the truth to get his way. Chase is smarter than that. It's not like he's to blame for Sean being overloaded by the need to keep up with the upload schedule. That was purely Sean's own doing. Then he has the audacity to pull the Jack card. Oh, fuck you. How dare he?! So what, Chase is just supposed to become Jack 2.0 until Sean bothers to wake him up? No thanks. Unlike Jack, he requires sleep so it's not like he can help without consequences. Besides, he's got his own shit going on. Maybe Sean recalls the whole 'depressed and suicidal guy who's going through a divorce' thing he'd centered his character on. "Chase, please, at least think about it. Jack is in that coma because I was stressed and resentful. I don't want to risk making things even worse. I know I'm just repeating myself now but less time focusing on videos means more time for me to work out how to fix everything." He does think about it. Okay, fine! If it's just to keep the channel going then whatever. The channel is necessary to keep all of them healthy. He'll do it for Jack's sake. Anything to increase the chance of waking him up is worth it, right? Even if it means going against his morals. He nearly throws Sean's offer back in his face a month later. It was simply a charity stream. All that was supposed to happen was a nightly break in the 2 day event. He will forever hate CCTV footage and security from this point onwards. What the fuck did Anti do to Jackie that Silent Night triggers him? The night is spent ensuring two things. One, that everyone, especially Jackie, felt as safe as they could be in a stressful situation like this. The second objective was to observe the feed for the whole night. They sleep in the living room and take an hour long shifts to monitor the glitches. A doctor moves in during January. As much as they need the medical help, Dr Jacksepticeye is hardly Henrik. Either way, an ego is an ego. Chase is glad he's not the only one who is uncomfortable watching the stranger overseeing Jack's care. They just need Henrik back. Things can be generally alright after that. After much negotiating from both parties, Stacy agrees to allow him some custody. She'll have the majority of it but she's fine with weekends being Chase's time with them. Yes, yes, god yes. He'd obviously prefer to have it more evenly split. Maybe alternate weeks or Monday-Thursday morning for one and Thursday afternoon-Sunday for the other. But weekends? He gets to see Willow and Noah for 2/7 of the week? He'd take an hour a year if that was the most Stacy was willing to compromise. The others surprise him with a small party, complete with cake, when the arrangement becomes official. That first weekend can't come soon enough. He has a talk with Jackie about mental health and coping mechanisms after he catches him binging on his secret whiskey stash. Trust him, hangovers are no fun. Stop trying to force your raised metabolism to submit and become intoxicated. Frequently battling with your head is exhausting. Drinking yourself silly is not the answer. No, don't ask why he resorts to alcohol. Do as he says, not as he does, you know? Please tell him you're aware he's down to confide in if you want. No, no, don't cry. It's all good. Marvin doesn't have to know a single thing. Anything else you wanted to say? Zero judging, he swears. Early May finally provides them with their favourite German doctor. Like Jackie, Henrik's wellbeing has certainly seen better days. To think, the three of them had been having some dumb debate about Spider-Man moments before the big reunion took place. This is the beginning of the 10 days where Chase believes things can be good for the egos. The only thing missing is Jack's consciousness. A week later, he provides Sean with a video he'd edited himself. The level of trust they have between each other now means Sean doesn't check the video's contents. It is for this reason that the comments come flooding in before his creator's wrath does. Sean deems the mistake irreversible and the video therefore eligible to stay up. Chase can only hope it doesn't lead to any more issues. The weekend passes without any problem. On Monday, he notices Willow forgot to bring her doll back to Stacy's. He might as well return the toy. It is with annoyance that he realises Stacy's probably experiencing a power cut. Albeit dangerous to have done so, Chase considers it lucky that he was carrying that lighter in his pocket. Come on, work already. Stupid thing. The flame is tiny but at least it's something. Better than exploring blind at any rate. As Chase wanders through dark hallways, he becomes increasingly aware he may be endangering himself. After all, this home was meant to be displaying signs of life. Where were- Faint laughter. Children's laughter, undoubtedly. Oh God, that sounded like Willow and Noah. A girl screams. He wants to run to her. Fuck it if it's clearly a trap. His daughter's in trouble and he'll expose himself to whatever's frightening her without a second thought. He wants to sprint and he knows he should. Yet something keeps him at a cautious pace. His frustration grows as whispers are cut off by what sounds like Noah crying. He's coming, he swears. Daddy's coming. Just hold on. The whispers intensify as he turns the corner. This new hallway is bathed in red. Chase has better visibility but it wasn't necessarily a good thing. The room at the end of the corridor is completely soaking in the colour. It leaks onto the surrounding walls. The only object blocking the light is the silhouette. "Who's there?" The silhouette's head steadily twists over its shoulder. A second passes. An eye illuminates green with an unnerving crackle. It does nothing to acknowledge the questions its current prey begs to have answered. "Where are they?" Chase cries. "What do you want from me?!" There is no time to scream or escape. There is only the erratic approach. And as quickly as a video can cut to darkness, they are both gone.

[authoressofdarkness]

Broken Years

Notes: Hello all! I just wanted to say a huge thank you for the crazy response I got to DG and all the welcome and support from the fandom! I love you all too! I don’t have an official summary for this (or title, really, I just came up with that on the spot to post it, lol), but it’s loosely based on a whump prompt sent to me by a friend. The line from the prompt itself will probably come up next chapter. Anyway, basically, this is six or so years post snap, but as if Pepper and May had disappeared, and Peter and Tony didn’t. So, the rest will basically be explained in story. For now, I hope you enjoy, and hopefully I’ll have the next part up soon!

Everything hurts. 

He’s not thinking clearly, he knows he’s not. He’s lost too much blood, and he’s been swinging for so long, and really, everything hurts. He just needs somewhere to curl up and rest for a while... or maybe curl up and die, based on the extent of his injuries, but he’s not really lucid enough to know which is more likely.

So when he starts to run out of web fluid and sees the lights of the familiar tower telling him he’d made it back to Manhattan in the distance, he heads for it. Maybe he should have realized just because it’s no longer in use doesn’t necessarily mean it’s abandoned in the sense of at least security, but honestly all he’s worried about is not crashing somewhere he’ll be found publicly. 

So he just swings up to the tower, into the first window Karen says he can get into without having to break it open. He swings through, and immediately collapses, unable to even land on his feet. He curses himself, but stays on the ground, trying to gather his strength to move.

Things since half of everyone disappeared have been hell. He’s alone - he’s been alone, since May disappeared - and he’s one of the only super-individuals still bothering to do anything about the state that the Earth was left in. Naturally that makes him a target, and while he’s used to being kidnapped by now, it doesn’t make the pain any less every time it happens. 

This time has been particularly bad. He doesn’t know how long he was there. He only knows it’s been days, if not weeks, and that he hasn’t eaten or been allowed to sleep properly and his body is on the verge of giving up. 

He’s past the point of his enhanced healing working, and he knew that when he decided to fight back. But he had to get out of there before they could kill him or actually fulfill the murmurings he’d heard about the possibility of moving him somewhere more secure. If that happened, he’d never get out. So he fought.

To say the fight on top of the injuries he had already sustained nearly killed him would not be an understatement. He’s not entirely sure he’s not going to die, even if he does manage to move. But he knows he definitely will if he doesn’t. 

So, slowly, he moves to his hands and knees on the ground, groaning at the pain every movement causes him. He’s vaguely aware of the ever-growing puddle of blood around him now that he’s sitting still, but there’s little he can do about it. He can barely move as is.

Barely, but it’s enough to let him raise a shaking hand and pull off his mask, to shift himself against a wall when he knows he won’t be able to hold himself up a moment longer. There’s so many things he needs, but right now he’s just trying to focus on not blacking out, because he knows if he does there’s a chance he won’t wake up. 

But it’s a battle he’s losing quickly. He’s breathing so hard it had to look like he’d just run a marathon, even though he hadn’t done anything more strenuous than swinging for... well, long enough he shouldn’t be breathing like this. But his vision is blacking out and he’s not getting enough air and so he just lays there, trying to ride it out, barely lucid enough to know it’s fruitless. 

Help comes in the form that he least expects. 

Tony shouldn’t even be in the city right now. He’s honestly tried to avoid it at all costs, since the snap, but in the same sense, he still has obligations to fulfill. Pepper is gone, and it’s not as if there’s anyone else he trusts to run SI. So he’s CEO again, and with that responsibility, he does have bare minimum obligations to meet. Attending a huge ass meeting every couple months in person is one of them, even if he doesn’t like it. But at least it’s only one he has to show up for and pretend to be a put together person for a little bit. 

These days, he’s a recluse, and he makes little effort to hide it. He stays out of the public eye - and mainly stays out of public, if he can help it. 

But he’s still Iron Man, even if he doesn’t do the superhero gig anymore. No one dares mess with him still. 

So imagine his surprise when- 

“Boss, an intruder has been detected on the 87th floor.” 

Tony straightens, looking at the clock. It’s three-something in the morning. Of course he’s still awake and tinkering in his lab - because what else would he be doing at three am - and maybe it’s the sleep deprivation, but he really can’t believe what he just heard. Who in their right mind would try to break into the tower? And how in the hell had they succeeded? 

“Fri, you got eyes on them? How did they get in?” 

“Yes, boss. It seems that the intruder came in through an open window on the floor. No damage detected, although-“

“There’s no way in hell someone climbed through an open window hundreds of feet in the air,” Tony interrupts, torn between irritable and disbelieving. 

“It might be possible for this individual, sir. According the my files, the intruder bears a remarkable resemblance to one Peter Parker.” 

“The Spiderling?” All irritation disappears, replaced by worry. Of course he knew his true identity; he knew most of the few remaining heroes, by name if not personally. He’d always been interested in Spider-Man. After the Snap, when it became apparent he wasn’t going to stop but that Tony had no interest in going back into the hero business, that was when he’d done the digging and figured everything out. He’d even made him his new suit - anonymously donated, of course. “Is he injured?”

A pause. “Appears so, boss. He’s not looking great. My scanners detect massive blood loss, six broken ribs-“

“Fuck!” Tony is on his feet in an instant. “Don’t you think you should have lead with that? Christ. Save the injuries list. Call the closest authorized medical professional. Tell them it’s an emergency.” Even from that first snippet he’d heard, he could tell it wasn’t going to be good. Whatever happened to him might explain why he’d been off the grid the past two weeks. Still, even if it didn’t, he wasn’t just going to let the kid die. 

He’s thought he’d already majorly failed at his job in all the ways that counted, but as he steps into the elevator with his heart pounding, he realizes maybe he still has a few things left to lose. 

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[moremorekyu]

Haruka Tsubame (OC): Story

Hellooo!   ＼ (≧ ▽ ≦) ／

I came to tell you about my OC of Kimetsu no Yaiba, I'm a beginner in writing stories and stuff, so I'm sorry if I'm not good, besides English isn't my main language, so I'm sorry if there are any grammatical errors!!!

Well... That's it, enjoy reading!

--Moremorekyu

=================

Haruka Tsubame (OC)

 Story 

Haruka Tsubame was a young girl who lived alone with her mother in the mountains, when her father abandoned her after learning that Nozomi (Haruka's mother) was pregnant.

She doesn't exactly feel sad about it, because she didn't even know him well. Although this happened, Haruka was very happy with his mother, who was very kind.

Another family lived a few meters from her house, it was the Tokito family, Haruka decided to make friends with the two twins, as they were the few children who lived on that mountain. She went to play with the twins every day, the three of them had a lot of fun, they were very important to her, the same goes for the Tokito brothers, they considered Haruka a best friend. Haruka's mother, who understood medicine, decided to help Tokito's mother because her health was getting worse due to the flu that developed in Bronchitis, the Tsubame family's relationship with the Tokito family evolved even more for that reason, becoming quite intimate with each other.

However, one day her mother said that she would move to the city because she had received a proposal for a helper in a small store, which would make Haruka and her life better, but little Haruka did not support this idea, she did not want to. leaving the mountains because she has already created a great bond with the Tokito family, she did not want to abandon her precious friends she met, but since she had no choice, she went with her mother to the city, on the day of the farewell. . . was very sad, Haruka and Muichiro crying because they had to say goodbye, while Yuichiro looked very sad, but he was not crying, while he was beside the two children crying, Haruka promised that he would visit them when he could, she will definitely come back and she I was looking forward to it.

Haruka - I swear I will visit them, see you soon! Haruka said with tears in her eyes, but with a smile on her face, waving to the Tokito family, especially to the twins. While she was holding her mother's simple blue kimono. After waving a lot, she moved further and further away, just seeing black dots coming out of the Tokito house.

Haruka helped her mother at a convenience store that also sold natural medicines made by her mother, Haruka effectively helped her mother, but she wasn't exactly happy because she couldn't see Tokito every day again, who would she play with? She couldn't say a sweet 'hi' to them every day, as before. As Haruka was a little shy, she hesitated to talk to the children she saw daily in the houses near the store where her mother worked. Now they lived in a house in the city, but even in the city this house was a little far from the rest, with a long way to go to get to the city center. During these months, she hears a period when there have been cases of murders caused by demons in the region. Nozomi, Haruka's mother, decided to reassure her.

Nozomi - Daughter, don't worry ... Everything will be fine, no demons will come to attack you!

Haruka - are you sure, mom?

Nozomi - Of course, because I will protect you! Nozomi spoke with a warm smile followed by a hug for her daughter.

A few months later, her mother allowed Haruka to visit Tokito, delivered medicines and other medical things, like dressings (if necessary at some point) to her daughter before passing on mother Tokito to help with her compliments.

(Her mother guided her halfway, after which Haruka followed the path alone, taking all possible precautions). Even though he was halfway there, there was still a good way to go, Haruka only arrived in the neighborhood of the house at night.

Haruka was very happy to be able to see Tokito again after a long time, a huge smile was plastered on his face.

- Haruka - I can't wait to get there! I miss them so much, I really want to spend time with them, even if it's just a little.

But that smile disappeared instantly when she saw the horrible scene at Tokito's house, she dropped her things on the floor, she was so surprised.

Haruka - What's going on? "Huh? No, no, what ?!

The young woman did not see the twins' mother or father, Haruka saw Yuichiro bloodied on the floor, a demon present at the scene and Muichiro holding his brother's body.

The girl was desperate when she saw the scene, but what she did immediately was to attack whatever the demon had along with Muichiro, both were intensely angry at the time and just wanted to end that miserable demon. Muichiro and Haruka attacked with everything they had.

The scenario was frightening, it was not even possible to distinguish what it was, probably no one would believe the two children who did this. When the sun came up, everything about the demon disintegrated completely.

After all this, Haruka and Muichiro were very tired, they couldn't even move properly, they had no strength left, until the dawn they were trying to kill the demon. But they both wanted to see Yuichiro, both arrived inside the house crawling due to immense tiredness, when they arrived, Yuichiro was on the verge of death and was praying to God to spare his brother and Haruka's life.

Haruka made another effort to get some medicine or bandages to try to help Yuichiro (It was the medicine that her mother had brought for Tokito's mother) that were on the floor near the door / entrance of the house, she didn't want to let Yuichiro die, but when she finally got close to Yuichiro it was too late, Yuichiro was no longer breathing and Muichiro had passed out from tiredness, with tears falling from his face, Haruka seeing this, cried tirelessly, until he passed out, which did not take long due to lack of energy .

Haruka - No .. no .. please .. don't die ... I brought the medication, wait a minute, I'll help you ... Wait ...

Muichiro and Haruka passed out, both were unable to move literally at all, Oyakata's wife, came home again and was faced with that unfortunate scene, she helped the two survivors of what happened. Muichiro and Haruka ended up staying at the butterfly house.

After a while, Haruka fully recovered two and a half weeks after Muichiro, after she recovered, Haruka woke up in a room in the residence with a girl apparently someone who helped her on the spot, she learned that Muichiro survived and knew that he was also staying at the butterfly residence, after talking to the girl who was in his room, she went to look for him desperately, and she asked for information to a girl with black hair with two butterfly ornaments in her hair who was in the hallway walking.

------

Girl 1 who was in Haruka's room: - Oh! You woke up, I see you are better, you came along with a boy with long black hair, right?

Haruka: - Ah? Yes ... Wait, long black hair? Is this Muichiro? Was he around?

Girl 1: Ah yes, that was his name! He was here, this Muichiro and you came from the same place, right? How horrible--

Haruka - I Need to go!

Girl 1: Hey, aaaaah! Wait, don't try like that!

Haruka - Um ... O-hello I'm looking for a young man named Muichiro, I heard that he's here, could you tell me where he is?

Kanae Kocho - Ah good morning, you are the young woman who was found together with this boy ... Well, he was here just like you, but he only stayed here for a day, he is no longer here, my superior ( Kagaya Ubuyashiki) asked to take him to recover in his residence, he recovered quickly and left for training to become an exterminator, sorry.

Haruka - training? Hmm...

Kanae Kocho - Well ... I see that it is already fine, this is wonderful! Do you have a home that you can return to?

Haruka - Ah! Yes, I have it, I live with my mother, I need to go back beyond that, she must be worried, I promised that I would be back soon ...

Kanae Kocho - great! I will send an exterminator to escort you, so that your return is safe. she spoke to the pillar with a gentle smile.

Haruka - ah thanks! But could I see Muichiro if possible? I am very happy that he is fine now.

Kanae Kocho - I believe not, I just learned that he is training elsewhere now, I don't think this is a good time.

Haruka - oh right, I'll meet him next time ... (Damn it!) The lilac-haired girl nodded in a sad voice.

-------

Meanwhile Muichiro trained day and night, coughing up blood and became Pilar weeks later, during that training period, Muichiro was losing his memories, with Haruka, his brother Yuichiro, everything about his past, he was affected by an amnesia.

Haruka already in better health, returned to her home with an exterminator who was escorting, things were going normal, she arrived at her house, the door was open and a huge silence, Haruka came in calmly and found her house all destroyed inside, the young girl ran desperately around the house to look for her mother, but found her nowhere, Haruka is perplexed, she wanted to know what happened, so she decided to go to the store that her mother was working in, she could be there .

Exterminator: - And then? How is your mother---- the exterminator who was at the door waiting for an answer, was interrupted by Haruka who ran off again, the girl's expression was desperate, then he went into the house to see the situation, but it was his mission to escort the girl he ran after her to find out the situation.

Haruka - the store! She has to be there, right? What happened to my house? Everything was destroyed but there was no dirt ... My head is crazy with all this!

Haruka arrived at the store where her mother worked, she entered the store quickly, the employees recognized Haruka immediately but avoided eye contact, pretended they didn't see her.

Haruka - Hey! Excuse me but ... Is it me Haruka, daughter of Nozomi Tsubame, she works here, where is she? She said breathlessly due to being out of breath after running a lot.

Male employee 01 - Ah! Well .... You don't know what happened, how ?! exclaimed an employee.

Female employee 01 - Nozomi said that Haruka would visit some people and stay away, so she doesn't know what happened, poor thing, she must have arrived very recently then.

Haruka - Hey! Tell me, please!

male employee 01 - Oh really? Well ... A week ago a demon attacked his mother's house, an exterminator arrived at the scene but it was too late, the demon had already escaped, and his mother was no longer alive, so the exterminator buried her and cleaned the house, removed the smell of blood from the place. Said the employee in a harsh voice.

Haruka - What? Haha are you kidding right? Haruka didn't know what else to think.

Female employee - no, it's really true, I'm sorry for you. The employee spoke with a slightly sad face, but she kept talking. The exterminator came here at learned that his mother worked here, he handed this, to us, he said it was under his mother, it looked like she was trying to protect it, so it seemed to be something important apparently, take it.

Male employee - Ah... that drawing? Important? HAHA. The man spoke making fun.

Female employee - Be quiet, you don't know anything to want to give an opinion on this, don't make fun of this sad situation! exclaimed the woman, showing that she was angry at the man's action.

The woman handed the paper to Haruka, Haruka seeing that, her world collapsed completely.

Haruka - What? .... This was a drawing I did together with my two best friends in the old place where I lived, that was a very fun day ... It is a very sweet and pleasant memory, I keep that moment and this drawing with all my heart, my mother knew that this drawing was very important to me and protected him, even in the worst situation that she was in. Haruka said in a wistful voice.

Haruka - (No ... it can't be, is this real? First that and now this? I committed some serious sin for these horrible things to happen to me ?!)

The young girl fell to the ground, she could not believe what happened, tears were streaming down her eyes.

Haruka - (Mother ... I couldn't do anything this time either ... I wish I was here to have protected you in some way, but I was out there on a rest bed because of those damn wounds and bruises. While you protected something very important to me .. I couldn't protect your life, I couldn't protect Yuichiro either, I'm a complete useless, when I want to protect someone important I can't ... It all started just because of these demons, first in Tokito house and then here, these demons only torment my life!) she thought.

Haruka was sitting on the floor shaken by everything, all the bad events that Haruka had in such a short time were they passed over her head. The exterminator who came with her and was listening to the story, gave her shoulders a light pat, trying to calm her down.

Haruka - no ... Not again .. Again I lost someone important to me and I couldn't do anything, why did this happen? she said in a shaky voice and her eyes filled with tears.

Haruka - I won't allow it again, I don't want to let important people die for me and I can't do anything!

Said the young woman with beautiful long purple hair as she got up quickly from the floor and wiped her tears and then showed a determined expression.

Haruka - could you take me to the butterfly residence again, I need to speak to a certain person. She said looking at the exterminator with a serious face.

Exterminator - Hmm? Of course. She said, abruptly removing her hands from the girl's shoulder. (Shall we walk again? I'm exhausted Aghh! And on top of that this girl doesn't even look tired after walking and running a lot, that's crazy!)

After getting up and wiping her tears, the young woman kept her most precious gift at the moment, that drawing in a pocket of her clothes, left the store and quickly went to the Butterfly Residence to speak with Kanae Kocho.

Haruka - Hi, I'm looking for a woman with long dark hair who uses two butterfly ornaments.

Girl 1: Ah you again? Welcome! The woman you're looking for is called Kanae Kocho, come on, I'll show you where she is.

Haruka - Kanae? Hmm, right.

After that, Haruka met with Kanae in a room and they both started a dialogue.

Kanae Kocho: - Ah, hello again! How are you doing? As I recall you were present at the same place where Muichiro was, did you help him kill that demon?

Haruka: - Ah yes, I helped I was different at that moment, a huge strength and anger arose in me and I decided to attack that demon, Muichiro did the same thing ... if I'm not mistaken ...

Kanae: - So it was like that ..... You two have great strength to have done that at that age .... But what do you really want, young lady?

Haruka: - I came looking for you because I remembered that after Muichiro recovered he went to training to become a demon exterminator, right?

I want to do the same thing, I don't want to leave more precious people for me to die in front of me like that, many people must have gone through it because of these miserable demons too, I want to become an exterminator and end these damn demons.

Kanae: - That's correct, oh ... Well, if that's what you want, I'll send you training with the former pillar of the rock, Isamu Nobuyuki, he's looking for apprentices, I see that you may have great potential.

Haruka: - Ah right, it's okay. The girl nodded with a serious but at the same time empty look (Isamu? An ex pillar, hm...)

After that Haruka started his training to become a demon exterminator, the training was quite rigid as expected, Haruka took some time to get used to, the former pillar, Isamu despite being rigid, he was understanding, offering water, food or something as much as Haruka needed, during this period, a great fatherly love grew, making him like a adoptive father of the young girl. In one year she completed her training fully, with much and much effort, and a week later, she became a pillar, the Pillar of Crystals. Although he was training to be a pillar of the rock, his breathing ended up taking another path to better suit the girl, the new breath being created: ‘’ Crystal Breath ’’.

During her training to become a pillar she talked to Oyakata.

Haruka - ah! Are you Kagaya Ubuyashiki? The master? p-pleasure. It is an honor to talk to you! Said the newly pillar stuttering a little, then bowing to the master.

Kagaya Ubuyashiki (Oyakata) - Hi Haruka Tsubame, I heard about you, I'm sorry for what happened to your mother and friends, I understand what you went through. You are a very talented young woman, you are Muichiro's childhood friend, right?

Haruka - Yes, it was a horrible thing that happened .... But I can't let myself be shaken again (I can't come with these thoughts now, I'm in front of Kagaya Ubuyashiki!). Ah! Yes, I am his childhood friend not wanting to be nosy or anything, but is there any chance that I will see him? She said with a shrug.

Oyakata - Yes, there is, but you will have to be patient, the pillars have a very busy schedule so it is somewhat complicated, but there is a chance, be patient. In the meantime, I hope you stay with the exterminator squad, Tsubame.

Haruka - Ah yes! I'm sorry for asking such an obvious question.

After a dialogue with Oyakata about Haruka's pillar formation, she returned to her work.

In the middle of a lot of these months Haruka was very busy on her missions, the same for the other pillars, so she can't try to contact Muichirou, even if by letters.

Many months later:

There was a pillar meeting with Yoakata-sama, all pillars arrived at the place earlier before the meeting started, especially Haruka who was eager to see the only important person who was still alive that she knew.

She quickly arrived at the place and saw Muichiro, her beautiful lilac eyes shining with happiness.

The young boy Muichiro stared at the clouds with an empty and thoughtful look. The girl didn't think twice and ran over to him and sat next to him.

Haruka: - Mui! It is so good to see you again, I am happy to see you again! Do you remember me? The young woman spoke in a very cheerful tone. But that tone was broken immediately with the boy's response.

Muichiro: - Huh? Who are you? The pillar gave Haruka a confused look.

Haruka: - Haha funny you Mui, good joke, you're kidding, right?

Muichiro: - No, I'm not, and why do you call me that?

Haruka: - she started to worry about the young man's response, responding quickly: it's me, your childhood friend, I played with you and Yui every day in the past, remember?

Muichiro: - What? Childhood friend? Yui? Who is he? You're crazy.

Haruka: - How come you don't remember ?? nor your brother's ?! ..... Not even the unfortunate event in your home? (does he really not remember anything?) Haruka already has her heart beating faster because she is getting nervous and worried.

Muichiro: - you talk so much, how boring, could you be quiet?

Haruka: - (He doesn't remember me? What ?!)

Shortly after Muichiro's last reply, Haruka's eyes widened, and a great silence was created between the two.

After that long period of silence, Haruka set out to speak again.

Haruka: - Right, right, so let's start from scratch. Um... I'm Haruka Tsubame, the pillar of crystals, how about you?

Muichiro - Haruka what? .... I'm Muichiro Tokito. He said again in a dry tone as if he had no desire to speak, and he was unwilling to speak but if he did not answer the girl would not close his mouth.

Haruka - so... Hm... Let's be friends! She said in a cheerful tone, with hope in her eyes.

Muichiro - whatever.

Said the young man with an annoyed expression, rolling his eyes.

After this dialogue, Oyakata-sama's daughter arrived at the site to warn that the master had arrived, all the pillars bowed, Haruka seeing this, Haruka not knowing what to do, decided to do the same.

Oyakata held her meeting, starting with the presentation of the most recent pillar, it was the first meeting she was present at.

Oyakata - Hello my children I would like to start our meeting by introducing a new demon hunter who has recently become a pillar, Haruka the pillar of crystals.

After these words, a silence was created, all pillars looked at Haruka. Some looked with a smile or looked at her with an empty expression.

Haruka - (Ahh everyone is looking at me, I'm getting a little nervous, what should I do?)

Haruka - Ah... Hello everyone, I am Haruka Tsubame, I am the pillar of crystals, I hope we can get along! Haruka spoke radiantly, with a beautiful smile, confident that his words were good.

After the presentation, Oyakata started with the main topics of the meeting, it ended in about three hours, right after that, Oyakata thanked the pillars for coming and then left. The pillars present were about to leave as well to go about their duties. Muichiro, who was already getting up to leave and do his chores, was interrupted by Haruka.

Haruka - wait! I still haven't finished what I wanted to say!

Said the young woman grabbing the arm of the mist pillar, preventing it from retreating.

Muichirou - *sigh* You suck, leave me alone, I have important tasks to do unlike you, I don't want to waste my time, and don't touch me with your hands.

Muichirou said in an annoyed tone, then slapped Haruka's hand, and started walking again towards the exit.

Haruka did not give up even after this rude action, Haruka proposed to speak quickly, the boy was already on his back and walking towards the exit, not giving a damn about Haruka.

 Haruka - (How rude! I'm a pillar just like him! He could have more respect, Agh.) I will try to make you recover your memories from the past, but in the meantime we will try to start our friendship from scratch, even if it is difficult!

Haruka said that with great determination as he clenched his fists.

Haruka - (Oh my hand ... it wasn't a good idea to do that with my fists after that slap.)

Muichiro didn't even give an answer, he kept walking, not caring what she said just now.

After that, the pillar stayed a few minutes watching him go.

Haruka even after no response from the boy she did not show a sad face, although she is sad inside that Muichiro treated her like this.

Haruka - (Yeah ... it won't be easy... But I won't give up!) She thought.

Haruka - Ah... That slap hurt. He murmured the crystal pillar, caressing his hand that received the slap from Muichiro, to ease the pain.

=== BONUS ===

Haruka, who was also preparing to leave, was interrupted by Mitsuri, the pillar of love, who heard that Haruka was the recent pillar with the nickname '' Pillar of Crystals ''.

Mitsuri - So you are the pillar of the crystals, how cool! I knew that crystals are beautiful but I never had a chance to see one, it must be amazing! Hm ... And you recently became a pillar, congratulations! Haruka!

Haruka - Ah thank you! They are really beautiful, what's your name?

Mitsuri - aahh! My name is Mitsuri Kanroji, pleasure Haruka! I hope we can get along!

Haruka - I say the same Mitsuri! (At least someone very friendly in that place, phew).

=====

Isamu Nobuyuki (the ex pillar) is another OC, but I haven't designed it yet ;w; 

Thanks for reading! ^^

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