#the others have all resigned themselves to their own roles which include:

[lesbiangracehanson]

au where raffi discovers the 21st century concept of ‘escape rooms’ + makes the la sirena crew try out increasingly complicated holo-escape rooms that she’s found..... until the rest of the crew refuse to take part anymore because raffi’s just singlehandedly solving them in like 10 minutes flat whilst the rest of them are occasionally allowed to unlock a padlock or read out a clue for her 

[lucysarah-c]

Mounting Spring Ch. 1.

Summary: Paradis has opened its doors to the world, and the Rumbling has not yet occurred. The military board insists, "We need more Ackermans!" to avoid ruining Mikasa's life. Levi agrees. Arranged marriage, explicit consent, Omegaverse. Alpha! Levi x Omega! Y/N. Mentions of underage marriage but it doesn't happen, the reader is over 21. Age gap but they are both adults. (I would say enemys to lover but they don't even know eachother to be enemys lol.) Author note: I've had this idea for so long… Omegaverse is my guilty pleasure, and I decided to treat myself with it. From the creator of "Not in season?" I bring to you "Mounting Spring" lmao haha sorry it's just that my first omegaverse was rather a success… so I decided to do another.

MASTERLIST TO ALL THE OTHER PARTS.

Link to AO3 in case you prefer to read it there.

The papers were passed around the Military board members, each set handed off in tense silence. The room’s air had cooled quickly as the sun dipped below the horizon, making Levi’s coat, almost too heavy to bear earlier, feel suddenly necessary. The chill seeped through the old walls, hinting that a bit of heating might soon be in order. 

With methodical precision, Levi slammed the stack of reports against the wooden table to align them perfectly, every edge sharp and in place. He moved aside the sticky notes he’d scribbled on hours before, crossing off the last item on his to-do list with finality. Job done for the day— 

“Well, that’s it,” he muttered, eager to leave the stale room behind. 

A pointed clearing of someone’s throat halted him, making him glance up slowly. Levi’s senses flared; he wasn’t done after all. The tension thickened, and the air shifted to something more ominous. His gaze travelled around the table, landing on each board member’s face. Some looked uncomfortable, others entertained, as if they’d been anticipating this moment. Hange, seated beside him despite their role as Commander now, avoided his eye, their head lowered in apparent resignation. Recent meetings had seen the appearance of new, vaguely unsettling faces, like Kiyomi's, who now looked across the table with a subtle smile. 

“Captain,” Zackly’s voice rasped as he cleared his throat yet again. 

“The day’s agenda is finished,” Levi stated, irritation biting at his words. The official telegram had detailed the topics to be discussed, all of which they’d already addressed. Anything beyond that, he knew, was meant to be cleared with the entire board beforehand. 

“This was a last-minute matter,” a Military Police officer interjected, though the smirk twitching at his lips betrayed more amusement than urgency. 

“Captain,” Zackly called again, knitting his fingers together. “You know we’ve always valued your dedication to Paradis.” 

The pause was rehearsed, the words strangely formal, making Levi’s eyes narrow. “What the hell is going on?” cutting through the man’s attempt at civility. 

“Let the Commander finish,” Kiyomi insisted, her voice smooth and elegant, though tinged with a superiority that grated on him. 

“We wouldn’t have managed to retake Wall Maria without your bravery—” 

“A lot of people sacrificed themselves for that,” Levi replied sharply, cutting off the praise that felt, at best, patronizing. “Including the previous Commander, Erwin. No need to thank me.” 

“Nevertheless,” Zackly forged on, tiring of the interruptions, “without your skill, all those sacrifices might have been in vain. Not only did you dare to fight for Eren’s retrieval from the Female Titan and against the former tyrannical regime, but—” 

“It wasn’t just me. My squad and the brat over there were in it too.” 

The tone of the conversation was growing increasingly uneasy, the excessive praise no longer just annoying him but setting off alarms. 

“Quite right. You and Mikasa were essential in humanity’s progress,” Kiyomi added, eyeing Levi with a calculating gaze. As her look shifted back to Zackly, Levi’s own attention followed. 

“What we mean to say is… even if Paradis positions itself favourably in the new world, more capable individuals like you and Mikasa would be ideal assets for our success.” Zackly straightened in his chair, clearing his throat for the third time, making Levi wonder if the man needed water—or to finally give up smoking like a chimney. “Have you ever considered marriage, Captain?” 

The question hit him like a bucket of ice water. It was so absurd Levi could only scoff. “What?” 

“How old are you now?” Zackly continued, feigning casual curiosity. “Thirty-three? Thirty-four? A prime age, I’m sure. And for a high-breed alpha like you—” 

Behind him, low chuckles began to echo from the MPs, each one making Levi’s grip on the chair’s arm tighten. 

‘This is a trap.’ 

“Whatever it is you’re implying, I I suggest you rethink it,” Levi spat, the weight of their words starting to settle. 

“Let’s be frank,” Kiyomi leaned forward, hands placed firmly on the table. “Captain, we once thought the Ackermans extinct, only to discover Paradis has not one but two. Even Zeke couldn’t deny that meeting you at Shiganshina was... less than pleasant.” 

“Of course,” Levi replied dryly. “I beat that monkey’s ass.” 

“Exactly.” The dark-haired woman showed no amusement, her voice all business. “To the point, then: we intend to provide you with a suitable wife to ensure that you bless this island with as many Ackermans as she’s capable of bearing.” 

Levi shot to his feet. “You must be out of your damned mind if you think I’d agree to this. I’m not here to be used as a breeding tool.” 

“Oh, but you wouldn’t be the one doing the birthing,” an MP remarked with a smirk as the rest of the board broke their facades, amusement flashing in their eyes. All but Hange, who looked as if they might vanish into their seat. 

“You’re insane,” Levi snarled, preparing to leave, feeling insulted to his core. “You can use Historia as your political pawn as much as you want, but I’m not some 17-year-old girl at your disposal—” 

“Think of it as a service to your country,” Zackly replied coolly. 

“I serve this island every damned day,” Levi snapped, baring his teeth. With a sharp slap, he pressed his papers against the table and strode toward the door, signaling his utter rejection of the idea. 

“If you won’t consider it…” Kiyomi's calm, piercing voice halted him at the door, the threat clear. “Then we’ll turn to the only other Ackerman left.” 

Levi stilled, staring at the golden knob in his hand, fury boiling in his veins. He wasn’t about to fall for this. 

“Mikasa is too valuable to be reduced to a broodmare.” 

“She’s a girl of duty,” Kiyomi replied, a note of satisfaction in her voice. “Something you seem to lack. And she’s an alpha. I’m certain she could bear at least one healthy child before returning to the battlefield.” 

Levi clicked his tongue, pushing open the door with disdain. ‘Who the hell do they think I am?’ Hands stuffed in the pockets of his coat, he stormed down the royal city’s military headquarters hallways, curses slipping from his lips. The whole idea was absurd; they’d lost their minds if they thought he’d even consider it. 

As Levi stormed down the dim corridor, every step sharp and swift, he couldn’t shake the rancor rising within him. The brazenness of it all, to drag him into their twisted ambitions with such flippant disregard for his will—and then to threaten Mikasa. The audacity alone made his fists clench. 

He barely noticed Hange keeping pace with him until their arm was outstretched, catching him by the shoulder. 

“Levi,” Hange began softly. Their usual spark was subdued, gaze serious, and voice almost apologetic. “I know you’re furious. I knew this would be hell to hear, but I didn’t know how else to—” 

“Save it.” Levi shrugged their hand off, glowering. “You knew, didn’t you? That they were going to bring this shit up?” 

Hange hissed, as if asking them to confessed was almost painful. “Yes… I knew.” 

Levi gritted his teeth, eyes dark with betrayal. “You agreed to this?” Both of them whispering on the empty cold halls of the building.  

“I… didn’t agree,” Hange answered carefully. “But I was there when the discussion happened. Look, Zackly and the others—” Hange hesitated, running a hand through their hair. “They’re dead set on this idea. They think they’re planning for a stronger Paradis, and if they think that means Ackerman bloodlines—” 

“Save the speech.” Levi’s tone was sharp. “They can be dead set on whatever they please, but I'd like to see them drag the entire MP battalion if they want to force me into this.” 

The past year had hardly been easy on either of them, especially Hange with their new title as Commander. Levi was well aware of this—yet the sense of betrayal cut deep. “For fuck’s sake, Hange, you could’ve warned me.” 

A tense silence hung between them, until Hange finally sighed and adjusted their glasses, pressing on the bridge of their nose. “You think I had a say in this? Kiyomi's paying for the entire coastal expansion and the railway. She thought it was a decent idea, and with her money backing it, she’s got the final word on everything.” 

Levi clicked his tongue, crossing his arms in exasperation. “Those bastards in the upper ranks are just itching to get on my last nerve since we changed the policies.” 

“Look, I know it sounds—insane. But maybe… if we don’t try to protect the future of the island, there won’t be one. And if there’s a way to keep the Ackerman bloodline alive, maybe there’s value in that…” 

“Don’t give me that bloodline nonsense.” Levi’s tone was ice-cold, his gaze sharp. “This is some harebrained scheme they’ve cooked up. And let me guess: it reeks of Zeke. That bearded bastard’s across the ocean, and he’s still screwing with my life.” 

Hange pressed their lips together, saying nothing. The silence was confirmation enough. 

“That son of a bitch,” Levi cursed under his breath. “He’s the one with royal blood, not me.” 

Hange’s lips twitched in something close to sympathy. 

“Well, since you two are such good friends these days, feel free to let him know he can kiss my ass.” 

“Levi…” Hange sighed, not because they disagreed but because Levi’s sense of betrayal cut both ways. They were the last two left of the original veterans—family in all but name. It wasn’t just an argument; it felt like a wound between them. 

Convincing Levi? Impossible. But convincing her? That possibility hung in the air, lingering like a storm on the horizon. Levi paced with conviction at first, then with dread. They both knew it, and, worse, Zeke likely knew it too. Mikasa had just turned seventeen, still almost a child, recently visited by someone claiming kinship with her clan. Levi couldn’t care less about all the ancestral politics, but he was all too aware of how they worked. 

“You can choose whoever you wish for the father,” they had told her, as if it was some generous offer. And, step by step, he watched Mikasa’s face transform from disgust to something akin to acceptance. Perhaps it was because she, too, held a certain pedigree; perhaps she felt duty-bound. He didn’t know, and he didn’t care what methods they used to sway her. 

‘She’s smarter than that,’ he tried to tell himself. 

But then he overheard Historia, almost childishly enthusiastic, whispering to Mikasa, “See? I told you—we’re girls with responsibilities.” The blood drained from his face. If they’d managed to convince Historia, to make her some kind of pawn in their twisted ambitions, what was stopping them from pulling Mikasa down the same path? 

‘It’s disgusting,’ he thought bitterly. ‘Maybe this is how those classist bastards operate. They talk little girls into this like they’re just trading dolls for something more ‘exciting.’’ 

That night, back in his office, Levi was a restless storm, pacing the room with his suit jacket hanging loose, fingers curled around his glass of whiskey, his movements sharp and frustrated. The glow of his cigarette flared in the dark room as he took a deep drag, gritting his teeth. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 

Slouched in his chair, forearm draped over his eyes, his mind circled back to Mikasa’s hesitant, almost innocent blush—her teenage imagination painting a faint, rosy tint over whatever twisted future she thought she might face. And in his mind, as if staring him down, were Eren’s haunted eyes, that deadened look of someone who already knew more than he could say. Maybe the brat already knew Levi wouldn’t let it happen. 

“She’s a damn kid,” he muttered. The thought of Mikasa shouldering this burden felt like a betrayal of his own values. 

Though technically, she was not much younger than many girls who’d borne children before. But this felt different, disturbing— He let out a humourless chuckle, as a man that waits for getting hang. “Those bastards knew… I wouldn’t let them ruin her life like that.” 

And like a cursed prophecy that tightened its grip the more one tried to escape it, Levi found himself back in that same damned office, slouched in his chair as if seated at a poker table. Bargaining his future. 

Levi sat stiffly across from the military board, his expression a blend of frustration and disgust as they spoke. Zackly lounged in his chair, lazily smoking as the other officials presented folders adorned with detailed painted portraits, lists of family properties, and who knows what else. As they laid the offers on the table, a random thought clouded Levi’s mind: It feels like searching for a button that matches at the notions store. 

He was reminded of long strips of fabric with various buttons sewn onto them, each one a potential fit. “Many of the noble families are eager to show their loyalty to the new government,” one officer stated with a practiced calmness. “Some have offered up alliances in exchange for the return of their territories and titles. This includes a number of unclaimed young omegas. You’ll have ample choices.” 

Levi’s jaw clenched. He knew they expected him to appear grateful for the options lined up before him, as if he were selecting a new weapon. Instead, he leaned back, crossing his arms tightly. “I’ll be imposing some conditions.” 

They paused, exchanging glances. “Naturally, Captain,” one of the men replied, steepling his fingers. 

“No fancy bullshit,” Levi declared. “The wedding will be plain. Just a civil ceremony. I have no intention of making a spectacle out of this.” 

The room fell silent, the officers exchanging looks that spoke volumes. One of them cleared his throat, hesitating before responding. “Captain, you should consider—” 

“I’m not considering anything,” Levi interrupted, his tone sharper than before. “This is a plain arrangement, and it will remain exactly that. I don’t need fanfare or ceremonies—just a quiet signing of papers.” 

The officers shifted uncomfortably, their discomfort palpable as they struggled to reconcile Levi’s cold practicality with their expectations. “Think of the girl. Many young omegas dream of their wedding day, waiting for it their whole lives. It’s—” a female alpha soldier attempted to be the voice of reason, but Levi was clearly listening to none of it. 

“No buts,” Levi said, his patience wearing thin. “If I’m going to go through with this ridiculous arrangement, it will be on my terms. I’m not dragging this girl through some overblown ceremony when neither of us wants to be there.” 

With a loud sigh, Levi lifted himself slightly from his seat to grab the portfolios. He barely looked at them, frowning deeply. “Don’t you have pictures where they look— I don’t know—human?” he spat out sarcastically, noting how overly produced their painted portraits appeared. 

“That’s what’s in fashion,” one officer muttered defensively. 

Groaning in disinterest, Levi rolled his eyes. “Nobles and their weird tastes.” But as he turned the next page to examine the descriptions, it was as if the world had tilted off its axis. “Sixteen,” he muttered, irritation creeping into his voice. He looked up, venom lacing his words. “You’re offering me sixteen-year-old girls? Girls who could be my damn daughters?” 

“It’s common, you know—” 

“I don’t care what’s common. Twenty-five,” Levi interjected. “At least twenty-five. I’m not getting tied to a child.” 

“Come on,” an exhausted soldier exclaimed, “some are seventeen, eighteen—” 

“Twenty-five,” Levi snapped, his eyes blazing. “I’m not interested in any of this unless you bring me someone who isn’t still in their childhood.” 

“Be realistic,” Zackly finally spoke up, looking weary and disinterested. “How many omegas do you know that aren’t claimed by twenty-five?” 

“Fuck if I know; that’s your job to find out, not mine.” Levi’s anger flared, echoing in the sterile room. “Weren’t you the one telling me to think of the girl? Don’t you think of her?” 

“Why? Are you planning on hurting her?” Zackly questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

“Fuck no.” 

“Then I’m not concerned. Choose one and stop being a pain in the ass.” 

It was clear they were not going to reach any middle ground like this. Amid the hastily scribbled notes, he noticed a name: Y/N, age twenty-one. He pointed decisively at the line, cutting through the cacophony of voices. “That one.” 

There was no picture, no description—nothing. Perhaps it should have raised suspicions, but Levi was too tired for this cheap drama. 

“Why her?” one member scoffed, glancing at the paper. “We have better offers on the table.” 

Levi didn’t hesitate. “She’s the oldest.” He placed both hands on the table, pushing himself upward. He had made up his mind the night before; he just needed this to be over. Striding toward the door, he exited without allowing anyone to stop him. As he walked out of the conference room, he could hear the murmurs behind him. 

As the door shut firmly, one of the cadets held the papers against his chest, confusion written all over his face. Slowly, he turned to the higher-ranking officer. “Shouldn’t we tell him that she’s scheduled to marry this weekend to her childhood fiancé?” 

Zackly chuckled, flicking the ashes from his cigarette into the ashtray. Between coughs, he said, “Oh well, he can find out from her once they’re both married. It’s no longer my problem.” 

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-angel @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[nurturingfather44]

Be A Part Of Us At Fertility Show Africa

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[earthstellar]

what gets me about this scene in particular is that it's perfectly in character for Optimus (while also being gay):

TIME FOR A LONG POST ABOUT MEGOP, BRACE YOURSELVES

Optimus wants so badly to believe that Megatron is not entirely lost, that diplomatic discourse is still possible between them, and that a greater sense of moral good still exists within his old friend for Optimus to call upon and appeal to.

Despite all evidence that seems to point to the contrary and the fact that most if not all other Autobots have resigned themselves to the idea that this factional war (at this point) cannot be brought to any peaceful, reasonable conclusion, Optimus is incapable of not believing in the genuine hope that there is good in all people. That this innate good must linger somewhere within Megatron's spark, even still.

He remembers when moral righteousness and the desire for a greater, more fair society thrived within the spark of Megatron as a driving force, even if those days were so long ago and so much has happened since then. Even if those goals have since been warped and are now unrecognisable, Optimus still looks at Megatron and sees some version of him from the past, somewhere behind those red optics. He sees an energon-soaked, battle-damaged gladiator standing at a makeshift podium, speaking to crowds filled with the fellow downtrodden and beaten underclasses of Cybertron.

Megatron inspired hope in many, including Optimus himself. And Optimus continues to hold that hope in his own spark, that Megatron can be talked down from his current violent quest for power, that Megatron can be shaken and brought to his senses and pulled out from under the weight of his own Decepticon empire and restored to his former, truest glory as a revolutionary speaking to power, rather than giving up and leaving him to battle endlessly as an oppressor who hungers relentlessly for that same power.

Optimus speaks with absolute confidence: "Megatron will listen to me. It is never a waste of time to speak to an old friend."

Because Megatron will always be that old friend, to Optimus. He holds too much hope for both the past and the future to give up on the one who brought that very same hope to millions of Cybertronians who had never known anything other than defeat and deference, resigned to their struggle and their ultimate fates, stuck endlessly in classes and castes and roles in society which kept life stagnant and-- for the majority--miserable.

Optimus cannot give up on Megatron, because to give up on his old friend would be to give up on that very same hope. To admit Megatron may be lost would be to lose the inspiration and energy and desire to seek the betterment of society rather than languish in the misery of how things were, back then-- It would be a great blow to the very concepts that fuel Optimus himself, to the things that keep Optimus going, to admit that the greatest revolutionary thinker, his greatest friend, has now succumbed to the evil draw of power that had originally destroyed their society and people.

To Optimus, Megatron is the original embodiment of all of the things that got him thinking, that encouraged him to feel within an unfeeling system, that opened his optics to the way of things and how it was wrong and how it needed to be changed, for the betterment of all, for the sake of giving all Cybertronians the very basic rights that had been stripped from him, to restore worth to living and to the planet itself in turn.

Instead, their planet is struggling, their people are divided, and the class/caste system has been replaced by Autobot or Decepticon badges.

At the same time, this is still, in some ways, an improvement from before the war.

Bots who would have been destroyed and smelted down due to perceived "defects" before the war (for example, quite possibly Rack and Ruin, because in other TF media we know the Functionists/High Council engaged in various forms of eugenics based on physical frame types, and owing to their unique frame type they may have been considered "defects") were now enlisted and allowed any appropriate role in service.

Optimus tends to focus on these bits of good, he tries to see the best in the most grim situations, and I think that as a result, Optimus tends to believe that because even the war-- as awful and destructive as it has been-- has still left open greater hope for many compared to the way things were before in their society, he continues to hope for that greater future he and Megatron once dreamed of together.

It is not guaranteed that the war will ever end, that there will ever be a solution or resolution to all the fighting before their species goes functionally extinct and their planet dies.

But it is also not guaranteed that total destruction is inevitable; There must always be hope that a greater, better future can still be achieved. That the good bits, where they exist and where they ever existed, can be salvaged and brought forward to shine above the ashes and bring light to a new age of peace.

Optimus must have that hope, and therefore, must always believe there is still hope for Megatron. That there is always hope in the most miserable situations, in the bleakest conditions, in the most drawn out battles.

"We must light our darkest hour."

And at times, his hope may seem naive or even outright ignorant, ignoring the true state of how serious or dire a given situation may be. Most bots find his belief that good still exists within Megatron to be ridiculous at best and actively harmful to the Autobot cause at worst.

In TFP, Ratchet (while under the influence of synth-en) called Optimus out on this directly, and specifically in regards to Megatron.

In Cyberverse, we see Bumblebee in this scene push it very subtly. He doesn't want to push back against Optimus outright, but it's a question that needs to be asked. "What if he won't listen?"

But Optimus cannot fathom that Megatron will not listen. At the same time, he can't guarantee that Megatron will take it to spark, as intended, as would have been the case back then.

So his language is very specific: "It is never a waste of time to speak to an old friend."

The implication being that regardless of the outcome, there is something to be gained from speaking with Megatron. Whether that gain is something that can be used for the Autobot cause, or if it is something that will simply keep Optimus himself going. The further Megatron falls, the greater Optimus' hope must be.

Because still, he has those precious, important memories of listening to a victorious gladiator's rousing speeches and feeling something rise up inside of him-- A desire for a better world, the hope that change could be possible, the inspiration fuelling a deep-seated sense of motivation that this must be achieved for the sake of all people.

To Optimus, Megatron is not the image of destruction, Megatron is the embodiment of much-needed revolution, of that exact moment when he came to understand the way of things and how things were wrong and how the only correct action to take was to try to change it all.

The revolution truly started in Cyberverse when Megatron executed the vast majority of the High Council, and the two of them diverged severely from that point onward, forming the Autobots and Decepticons.

It would be easy to lose hope, and believe that a better world cannot be achieved, that this division will be unending, that a unified and healthy Cybertron is an impossible goal.

But Optimus has only ever been motivated by hope; He is an effective leader in part because he physically represents hope to his followers.

Optimus will always believe, perhaps even beyond his better logical processes, that Megatron will listen, and this battle will end, and this war will reach a conclusion and their people will be united in peace someday.

But beyond having to hope for the greater good, Optimus inherently also hopes for his own reasons.

Part of his hope, at the core, is a simple and strong desire to have his old friend back.

To return to those days of rousing speeches and long conversations and friendly political debate and endless discussions on any subject imaginable, fuelled by the passion that only a gladiator can bring, carried on by the thoughtful questioning of a trained archivist.

What he wouldn't do, to be able to speak with Megatron as he did back then. To listen to another post-victory speech. To tap away endlessly on a data pad at his terminal in the archives, checking the local news for Kaon despite living in Iacon, just to see if there were any upcoming matches with Megatron that he should hope to attend.

It all comes down to hope. And while Optimus is the embodiment of hope for others, who represents hope to Optimus? It is Megatron, the one who was first to introduce such a feeling to him, the one who caused him to realise hope was possible, that hope could be the source of that critical drive in all situations, against all foes, even against their very way of living itself.

To give up on Megatron would be to lose hope, and Optimus simply cannot afford that.

At the same time, he simply does not want to give up on his old friend. Optimus firmly believes that all Cybertronians, all living beings, all sentient life, has a right to freedom-- This includes freedom of choice. Even when those choices may be disastrous.

And he also believes that change is possible. That change is inevitable, it is fundamental-- Although change may not always be a choice, one has the ability to choose how to react to it, within reason.

And that is what Optimus hopes to appeal to in Megatron: His sense of reason. His wit, his logic, if nothing else. To appeal to Megatron's old sense of good may be a lost cause in the moment, something Optimus is loathe to admit, but Megatron is not exempt to the forces of change. He has already changed. He can change again.

Megatron may have lost his original ideological vision, descended down a darker path, prolonged the struggle and suffering of others-- But it would betray the very ideology they both believed in, the ideology that still fuels Optimus, that if someone can choose to commit harmful acts, they can also hold the capacity within them to choose to commit better ones.

Megatron executed the High Council, as the High Council elected to perpetuate the suffering of the lower classes and castes. This, although understandable as an inevitable outcome of the cruelty of the Council, was the event that spurned the Decepticon movement into becoming a warring faction and brought Megatron to the status of warlord and partial dictator.

Optimus refuses to execute Megatron; He chooses to believe in hope as a path to victory and change for the better, rather than risking losing himself in his ideology the way Megatron has. (This is strongly prevalent in TFP, but we see it in Cyberverse too, although a bit more subtly.)

Megatron was driven to bitterness by the conditions he was forced to suffer under an oppressive system, he lost hope and resorted to violence as a means of control in an effort to manipulate the situation and conditions to his favour, resulting in a descent into despotism.

Optimus lives in hope, he thrives in it, he is fuelled by it even in the worst of times, and he seeks peaceful resolution in the belief that hatred, fear, pain, and all that motivates retribution and violence are all raging fires which destroy but will burn themselves out if guided to a source of water, as part of inevitable and necessary change.

And while their ideologies have warped away from each other and their methods and understanding of things has diverged, they are the common point of origin for each other in the current era of things.

You cannot have one side without the other to oppose it, and while Megatron seeks total victory, Optimus seeks an eventual resolution and unification.

Megatron had the hope largely beaten out of him in the gladiatorial rings, Optimus did not.

Megatron believes in having to force immediate change, Optimus believes in guiding and embracing gradual change.

Megatron believes in power as a blunt force weapon, Optimus believes in power as a form of grace and compassion.

Megatron does not have faith in any system of government to benefit anyone. Optimus believes a truly functional system of government can only be built collectively, by the very people who will be ruled under it. (In the RID show, this is part of why his new Council consists of bots with a variety of trades and expertise, and not a single career politician-- If any are even left alive by that point.)

And the differences go on.

But still, Optimus will never stop hoping that Megatron can be brought back around, that unification of both factions can be possible, that his old friend will listen to him.

Because Megatron is the greatest source of hope and change for Optimus.

The past is not erased by the present, and the future is informed by both.

Aside from his position as a leader, aside from his possession of (or by) the Matrix, at his spark, he is still himself.

He must believe the same of Megatron: That despite how things have changed, and how that change has warped them both in very different directions, and how their different pasts informed their ways of seeing and thinking about matters and encouraged all those long nights of debate, they are still those two friends from long ago.

Their past will always be part of them, and Optimus wants so badly to appeal to those memories in Megatron.

He must believe that as much as he thinks of those conversations, surely Megatron must as well.

Surely, if choice and change are inherent, he can bring Megatron back from despotism and talk as they did in those days.

Surely, war cannot last forever. Surely, all this pain will finally be extinguished, and with no motivation remaining, the desire for peace will be a unifying force, and

Optimus cannot believe otherwise. Where Megatron lost hope and faith, Optimus came to embody it, to hold it for others, to foster that light in himself so he can-- when the time is right-- cast that light upon all the lingering shadows and banish all of this struggle and rage and division to the depths of the Rust Sea where it will boil into nothing, and a new celestial dawn can rise over Cybertron, nestled between their two moons.

Optimus will never give up on Megatron, even when all logic may dictate otherwise.

Because Cybertronians are more than logic; What is a processor without a spark to power it? And what is your spark telling you? Do you choose to listen?

What is an idea without the drive to pursue it? And where does that drive come from, if not motivated by hope and the knowledge that change is possible and destiny is not the ultimate outcome, after all?

Do you resign yourself to a deadly and miserable fate, do you succumb to loss, or do you dare to believe you can survive?

Optimus will always hope. That is the core of who and what he is. What he decided to be, and what the Matrix enabled him to become, and what his Autobots rely on him to represent.

He will never give up on Megatron. Optimus chooses to believe in good, that all beings have a freedom to choose to do better, that Megatron is capable of this, and that guiding him towards more positive change is possible.

In summary: Love wins.

Cyberverse giving me so many gay moments (or I'm being delusional)

[mishasminions]

Here’s why the Supernatural Series Finale Sucked

(AND IT REALLY ISN’T JUST BECAUSE CAS/MISHA WASN’T IN IT)

First of all, I’d like to state, that this perspective is coming from someone who has watched, invested in, and dissected this show for 15 years. I’ve tried to rationalize and justify every single decision each of the main characters made throughout the years, and I’ve always tried to make sense of each of their story arcs from a “bigger picture” standpoint as each season progressed.

Anyway, before I can properly explain why the finale sucked, let me quickly take you through 15 seasons by segregating them into 3 eras, because you can’t really comprehend what Supernatural is about and what it’s become without going through how it tried to expand its universe.

SEASONS 1-5: THE KRIPKE ERA

Now, we all know that Kripke was always set in wrapping up Sam and Dean’s story in 5 seasons, and he did just that.

So, in this era, Supernatural is about two brothers who set out on a journey to fulfill “the family business”. They hunt mythical monsters that terrorize the world, while battling the monsters within themselves. Their ultimate “big bad” is an apocalypse.

Towards the end of this era, we find out that Sam and Dean are actually a parallel to Biblical characters who are brothers turned rivals. And that Sam and Dean’s destiny is to go up against each other.

However, as a dynamic, they have always been about making their own choices, choosing free will, and having a brotherly bond that can power through against any obstacle at any given day.

So, this era is neatly wrapped up with its finale. The characters grow, and get justified endings.

Dean, a man who thinks of himself as two things: 1. Sam’s older brother and protector; and 2. Daddy’s blunt little instrument.

He’s spent his whole life believing that that was his only purpose, and he knew that the only ending he’ll get would either be a bloody death fulfilling his duty to the family business; or laying his life on the line to save his brother.

Dean gets the ending he thought was never possible for him, something he thought he could never deserve. After years of living and dying for his family, he gets a shot at having an apple pie life--to settle down with a nice girl, raise a kid in a house with a white picket fence. With Sam gone, Dean’s responsibility now is to himself.

Sam, on the other hand, never wanted any part of it, because he wasn’t groomed the way Dean was, and because thanks to Dean, Sam wasn’t traumatized or forced into growing up too quickly the way Dean was.

So Sam aspires for a normal life, and works the cases with Dean so he can maybe get some semblance of it, when everything they set out to kill are laid to rest.

Ultimately, Sam performs a selfless act for his brother, who has given up everything for him, and for their cause--to save the world.

The journey is this: Dean sacrifices everything to save Sam, and Sam sacrifices himself so Dean could live.

Apart from being Dean’s “savior” and guardian angel, Castiel’s role in this era is to serve as a mirror to Dean’s journey. Castiel goes from being heaven’s foot soldier, following “God’s orders”; to an angel who learns to choose and feel for the first time in his existence.

After they realize that they’re both daddy’s blunt instruments, Dean starts choosing his own path for himself, and convinces Castiel to join him. Castiel stops following heaven, and starts following Dean.

In the end, with his newfound understanding of the world thanks to Dean, Castiel goes back to heaven to reform it.

We’ve resolved the biblical arc, and the character journeys.

SEASONS 6-10: THE SPIN-OFF ERA

So this is where the show realizes how vast its universe can be, so it tries to expand it by tapping into uncharted lands and experimenting with it.

They take on heaven, reform hell, explore purgatory, have the angels fall, turn Dean into a demon, and kill Death.

Dean and Sam recognize their codependency, and try to rise above it.

They go back and forth between which brother will risk it all for the greater good every other season.

Dean and Cas strengthen their relationship by recognizing the impact they have on each other’s lives.

Cas structures his life and decisions around Dean (Seasons 6-7), and Dean learns to trust and fight for Cas (Seasons 8-9).

Sam and Cas bond (mostly over Dean) because of their shared rationales in decision-making.

Dean, Sam, and even Cas also forge relationships with the people they work with. The concept of “found family” is introduced here.

This era was heavy on the plot while establishing, reinforcing, and solidifying relationships and dynamics.

At this point, it wasn’t just about the brothers anymore.

If Supernatural had ended in Season 10, the logical finale would’ve been Team Free Will, along with the family that they’ve found, going up against the latest big bad (Death or whoever). Maybe they lose them along the way, maybe they all make it out alive, or maybe they go down swinging, but at least the show recognizes and supports the message they keep saying, “Family don’t end with blood”

SEASONS 11-15: THE REWRITE ERA

This is where the show runs out of ideas and decides to invalidate the seasons that came before it.

From bringing Mary back (basically rendering their whole journey pointless because they’ve literally started hunting because of her death), to changing the stipulations in being Michael and Lucifer’s vessels (another character struggle rendered useless), to God himself breaking the fourth wall by saying that the Winchesters get away with everything because “they’re the main characters in his story and everything they’ve been through was just part of a badly written narrative”.

But what we’re getting from this era is that Sam and Dean, along with Cas (who has also deviated from the story) ARE trying to escape a badly written narrative.

That’s the “big bad” in this era. The writer.

At this point, the characters have picked up so many strays (including those from alternate universes), and have settled into their roles in their “found family”. Dean, Sam, and Cas all become surrogate dads and uncles.

They’ve also graduated from the whole “we’re on different sides” and “going behind each other’s backs” drama. And they just want the whole family together.

They’ve all resigned themselves to the cause, but they’re also tired. Dean allows himself to contemplate about wanting more out of life or at least getting a vacation. Sam, on the other hand, realizes his capabilities as an effective leader. Castiel learns to love another being that isn’t Dean (spoiler: it’s Jack).

However, they also realize that they’ve just been puppets on a string all this time.

So what they want now, is to write their own story, and make their own choices knowing that God/the writer isn’t the one fueling their narrative.

So here’s why the finale sucks:

Andrew Dabb, the current showrunner, said that there would be two finales.

15x19 - The finale to wrap up Season 15, and 15x20 - The finale to wrap up the series by “resolving the characters’ journey”

In 15x19 the boys find a way to de-power God/the writer. For the first time in their whole lives, they are free from the story. Their lives are completely theirs now. They can make their own decisions. There are no more “big bads” to fight

And here’s what happens in 15x20:

Immediately after being freed from their story arc, Dean and Sam go back to hunting the monster of the week.

Dean eats pie, gets nailed (literally), makes a 10-minute speech to Sam because he knows he’s dying, then he goes to heaven.

Dean is greeted by Bobby, his surrogate Dad who he hasn’t seen (fully alive) since Season 7. Bobby’s expository dialogue comprises of him explaining that he got out of heaven’s jail, that John and Mary are next door, and that Jack and Cas fixed the dynamics of heaven off-screen.

The first thing Dean decides to do is go for a long drive in his Impala (as if he hasn’t done enough of that already).

Meanwhile, Sam decides to stop hunting after Dean dies, he gets the apple pie life he hadn’t wanted since Season 8 (while Dean was in Purgatory), and names his kid “Dean” for effect. He grows old and dies.

Dean drove around in heaven for so long that Sam catches up to him.

They hug. The end.

Great, right?

After 15 years of struggling to battle their own respective destinies, going up against big bads and even bigger bads, then finally being able to take charge of their own stories, Dean and Sam regress to hunting the monster of the week, and get killed off by a nail and old age. Okay.

Sam gets to retire and have a family, sure, but they still focus on him and the kid he named after his dead brother. Still just “Sam and Dean” through and through. Nothing to do with found family. Just lineage. Just blood. And it ends there.

See, the problem here is that this ending would’ve been passable in The Kripke Era. But we’re 10 years down the road since, and while Sam and Dean are the original main characters, the show isn’t just about them and their codependent relationship anymore.

So you see, even if you take out the whole “Castiel deserves to be in the finale because he’s also a main character with an unfinished story arc” argument, the finale still does no justice to the series it tried to “wrap up”.

But anyway, now I’ll make the case for the problem with Castiel not being in the finale:

In 15x18, we get a 5-minute rushed confession from Castiel to Dean. The context of which are as follows:

1. Earlier in the episode, Dean had wounded Death with her scythe. We later find out that this wound is fatal.

2. Their friends start to “blip out” in a Thanos-like snap, and Dean thinks that Death is causing it, so Dean seeks her out, and Cas goes with him.

3. Dean and Cas anger Death, apparently for no reason because she didn’t even do the thing they thought she did. She chases them to try to kill them

4. Dean and Cas lock themselves in a room. Dean starts a pity party.

5. As Dean goes through hating himself out loud, Cas decides to inform Dean of the deal he made with The Empty. He then proceeds to explain the stipulation of the deal (that he would get taken once he experiences a moment of true happiness), then discusses his newfound happiness philosophy. Dean is getting whiplash.

6. Cas goes on to imply that the one thing that he wanted that he knew he couldn’t have is Dean Winchester reciprocating his romantic feelings for him. (Don’t even try to fight me on this because Cas already has Dean’s platonic love, and he knows that Dean thinks of him as a brother, so if he really meant this in a “familial” way, then why would he think that he couldn’t have the thing that would make him happy?) So Cas’ realization is that telling Dean about his feelings is enough to make him happy.

7. Cas tells Dean all the reasons why he loves him (thereby combating Dean’s self-deprecation tirade), and all the reasons why he’s worthy of his love. Meanwhile, Dean is still winded from the fact that Cas is about to sacrifice himself for him again.

8. Dean never gets to process anything, because Cas is shoving him out of the way, as he and Death (who busts through the door) get taken by The Empty.

After this episode, Dean never speaks of it. Misha Collins supposes that Dean doesn’t reciprocate. Jensen Ackles says that Dean didn’t really get to process it because it was too much, too fast, and that Dean, still dense as ever, thinks that Cas, a celestial being, doesn’t interpret human feelings the same way.

So what was the point of this confession?

Politics and sensitivities of a 2005 network television aside, what does this do for the story?

Cas proclaims his romantic feelings to Dean, but Dean never acknowledges it, doesn’t even give it a passing thought afterwards. So Cas’ big declaration goes unheard.

Cas cashes in on his Empty deal to kill Death (who was dying anyway), in order to save Dean who dies two episodes after.

Dean makes no effort to save Cas (despite being really broken up about his previous deaths, or even spending a whole year in Purgatory looking for him), even after they’ve beaten God, not even asking Jack (who has all the power in the universe) to bring him back (when Jack has already done it before, with less mojo).

Dean moves on to fight the monster of the week. Somewhere off-screen, Jack rescues Cas from The Empty, but Cas uncharacteristically doesn’t even bother to go to Dean? (Every single time he comes back, Dean’s always the first person he goes to)

And Cas, who apparently helped craft and reform the new heaven, isn’t the one who welcomes Dean and explains the new dynamics of it?

Sure, Jan.

Supernatural, you’ve created a finale that only your casual viewers and people who dipped out after Season 5 can appreciate.

Just goes to show how much you actually valued the people who actually invested in your story and characters, and consistently helped keep your show on the air.

[RT this on Twitter]

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Charter schools are money laundries

Critiques of charter schools usually focus on poor quality education (disproportionately affecting racialized and poor people) and dangerous ideology (the movement is funded by billionaire dilettantes and religious maniacs), and with good reason!

Charters hand public funds to private institutions with minimal oversight. Public money should not go to schools that endorse slavery and indigenous genocide, nor schools that deny evolution and claim humans and dinosaurs co-existed.

https://web.archive.org/web/20180604002542/http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/education/school-zone/os-voucher-school-curriculum-20180503-story.html

Charter students know they’re getting substandard educations — that’s why the 2019 valedictorians for Detroit’s Universal Academy used their speech to denounce the school, its curriculum and administrators.

https://www.freep.com/story/news/education/2019/06/10/salutatorians-criticize-charter-school-graduation/1381474001/b

The more we learn about charters, the worse the situation gets. Take New Orleans, where, post-Katrina, the Republican statehouse and wealthy dilettante “philanthropists” eliminated all public education in favor of charter schools.

https://www.nola.com/news/education/article_0c5918cc-058d-11ea-aa21-d78ab966b579.html

A decade later, the state education regulator gave half these schools “D” or “F” grades.

No wonder that charter teachers joined LA public school teachers on their Red For Ed pickets in 2019:

https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-edu-lausd-strike-accelerated-school-20190114-story.html

Charter schools pitch themselves as grassroots phenomena, made possible thanks to the passion of parents seeking quality educations for their kids. The reality is that the movement is funded and promoted through a corrupt network of ultra-wealthy ideologues.

The Kochs and the Waltons (Walmart) have secretly funneled vast fortunes into disinformation campaigns aimed at demonizing teachers’ unions:

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/apr/12/teacher-strikes-rightwing-secret-strategy-revealed

They were joined by the likes of Trump education secretary Betsy DeVos, a fundamentalist who makes no secret of her view that charters can remove the barrier between church and state and institute publicly funded Christian indoctrination in schools:

https://www.cnn.com/2017/02/02/politics/eli-broad-letter-betsy-devos/index.html

Destroying public education is the sport of kings. Bill Gates blew $775m on a failed charter experiment whose subjects were children who got no say in the matter:

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2018-06-27/here-s-how-not-to-improve-public-schools

Gates has solid teammates in his anti-public-education crusade. I mean, who can say no to Mark Zuckerberg?

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/21/technology/silicon-valley-kansas-schools.html

Misery loves company, which is why the Sacklers — mass-murdering architects of the opioid epidemic — sunk so much blood money into the charter project (incredibly, this “philanthropy” is supposed to improve their reputation):

https://web.archive.org/web/20171113043810/https://www.alternet.org/education/notorious-family-contributing-opioid-crisis-and-funding-charter-schools/

But a critique of charters that starts with poor outcomes and ends with ideological billionaires misses the third leg of this stool: money-laundering and financial fraud.

Admittedly some of that has been in plain sight for years. Remember when an LA school board exec plead guilty to felony finance fraud and conspiracy for his role in the charter-backed takeover of the board?

https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-edu-ref-rodriguez-resigns-20180722-story.html#

But “Chartered For Profit,” a report from Network for Public Education is by far the most comprehensive look at the means by which billions are transferred from public school districts to profiteers, at the expense of kids in both the charter and public system.

https://networkforpubliceducation.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Chartered-for-Profit.pdf

In an interview with Jacobin’s Meagan Day, NPE’s executive director Carol Burris discusses the blockbuster report, which is so damning that it prompted a bill in Congress that bans funding to charters that are managed by for-profit contractors.

https://jacobinmag.com/2021/07/charter-schools-for-profit-nonprofit-taxpayer-public-money-oversight-education-salaries-real-estate-burris-interview

Burris explains that even though nearly all charters are nonprofits (except in AZ), there’s a widespread practice of contracting with for-profit corporations to “manage” these schools; the for-profits are often owned by the schools founders or their relatives.

Others are nationwide chains that offer comprehensive management services — “comprehensive” in the sense of steering schools to procure materials, services and supplies from affiliates that overcharge and kick-back to the management companies.

From substandard, overpriced cafeteria fare; to janky, nonfunctional ed-tech; to unqualified, underpaid teachers, these for-profit entities figure out how to minimize costs, maximize profits, and disguise poor student outcomes so they can keep doing it.

They deploy opaque corporate structures to give the appearance of a thriving ecosystem of suppliers — meanwhile, the largest chain, Academica, consists of 56 companies at one address, more than 70 at another, and a network of real-estate, holding and finance companies.

Real estate plays a major role in charter profiteering. Profiteers scoop up tax-advantaged funding and subsidized loans to buy buildings, leased at inflated rates to charters, with the tax-payer paying their mortgage.

When the mortgage is paid, more tax dollars are used to buy the school at inflated prices.

But it’s even more profitable to run a “virtual school” where you can deliver canned lectures and fake attendance records and pocket vast sums in public money.

For-profits are also loan-sharks. They offer credit to the nonprofit charters so they can afford the inflated prices for educational “services,” charging high interest rates that ensure they get an additional rake off of every public dollar the charter receives.

NPE’s “Another Day Another Charter Scandal” page is a good look at the tip of the corruption iceberg — the crimes that get caught, from fake invoices to outright embezzlement. Charter execs use the school’s credit card to pay for fancy dinners even trips to Disney World.

https://networkforpubliceducation.org/another-day-another-charter-scandal/

Charters shouldn’t exist, period. But if they must exist, then the loophole that allows for-profits to run the notionally nonprofit charter sector must be closed.

Meanwhile, if you want a look at education “reform” that works, check out Andrea Gabor’s 2018 “After the Education Wars,” and learn how eliminating hierarchy, funding the arts, offering good wages and good training to teachers transform schools.

https://www.ineteconomics.org/perspectives/blog/millionaire-driven-education-reform-has-failed-heres-what-works

The formula is rather simple, really: “a respect for democratic processes and participatory improvement, a high regard for teachers, clear strategies with buy-in from all stake-holders, and accountability frameworks that include room to innovate.”

“Robust leadership and strong teacher voice. Their success underscores the importance of equitable funding and suggests that problems like income inequality are far more detrimental to education that the usual suspects, like bad teachers.”

[cosmicjoke]

Ah, and now onto one of the most depressing chapters in all of SnK, chapter 132.

You know, if anyone ever needed a reason to despise Floch any more, how about the fact that he’s literally the reason Hange died?  If this bitch ass ho hadn’t shot the fuel tank of the plane full of holes, Hange wouldn’t have had to engage with the Titans to buy time for them to fix it, and they wouldn’t have died.  So, fuck you Floch.  I wish you’d suffered more before Mikasa finally ended your ass.

Well, anyway, what can I say about this chapter that hasn’t already been discussed?  Probably nothing, but I’ll try my best to give my observations anyway.

This really is Hange’s chapter, and Levi’s, in terms of putting a spot light on the importance of their relationship to one another.  

Hange’s sacrifice in this chapter is heartbreaking, it truly is, and such a major blow to everyone.  But to Levi most of all, and for so many reasons.

First of all, what stands out to me is the exchange between them, after Pieck tells Hange to stop being “gross”.  What I want to talk about here is when Hange asks Levi if he thinks their dead comrades are watching, and if he thinks they’ll be proud of what they do here today.  Levi tells Hange to stop talking like “him”, meaning of course Erwin.  This scene is just heart-wrenching, and part of that is, I think, because of Levi’s reaction to what Hange is saying.  He has, once again, such a weary, resigned looked on his face, and it’s because, I think, of the parallels he sees with Erwin.  I think Levi already knows, at this point, that Hange is going to die, in some way.  He recognizes the same, fatalistic bent to Hange’s mindset as he saw in Erwin, that day in Shinganshina, the same burden of guilt.  Just as Erwin began to bow and break under the weight of all the lives that had been lost under his command, Hange too is beginning to break, overcome by despair and hopelessness at what they perceive to be their failures.  Hange expresses this outright in the scene with Yelena, when Yelena tries forcing everyone to admit that Zeke was right, and Hange just resignedly agrees, saying that it was because of their failure to come up with a plan, because of their loss of hope, that Eren’s done what he has.  Of course, this isn’t true, just like Erwin blaming himself for the deaths of all those soldiers wasn’t based in any kind of truth.  But the sense of guilt is the same.  Hange blames themselves for what’s happening now, and they say this in front of everyone, including Levi.  And then Hange says what they do to Levi, about their dead comrades, and I think this must have been like the worst kind of deja vu to Levi, this kind of guilt driving Hange towards despair and hopelessness.  He tells Hange “Don’t you start talking like him, too...” because he can’t bear it.  He can’t bear to see his last, true friend succumb to the same fate as Erwin.

And then the Rumbling shows up, and Hange refuses for anyone else to engage with the Titans but themselves.  They tell everyone “I’m the one who led us here.  I pressed on, even at the cost of so many lives.  Time to face the music.”, and it’s Hange willingly taking on the role of martyr, the same one Levi had to help Erwin to accept for himself, in order to give their comrades a chance at victory.  Hange’s selflessness here is the definition of heroic.  True, unwavering conviction to what they believe is right.

But once again, similarly to Levi’s final push to help Erwin become the commander everyone believed him to be, Levi recognizes for Hange, in their final moment together, what it is they need.  He doesn’t try to stop Hange, doesn’t try to convince them against their chosen course of action, doesn’t cry out after them.  The same way Levi recognized in Erwin the way he was being crushed under the weight of his guilt, and understood how it would be a mercy and a salvation to make for him the decision to let go of his dream and die, Levi also recognizes in Hange that same burden and suffocating sense of guilt, and knows this is a decision Hange has made for themselves, their final absolution and ownership of their past choices, and that this is the thing Hange needs to relieve them of their burden.  A way for them to bear the burden of their past choices without regret.  Hange implores Levi to let them walk away and do this, and Levi does, because he understands, the same as he understood with Erwin.

But we finally see in full view the consequences for Levi in making these decisions, in letting his two, closest friends go to their deaths for the sake of their cause.  Levi’s expression in the following three panels is one of such unfathomable heartbreak.  He looks like a man utterly resigned to losing every good thing in his life, conscious and accepting of life’s bitter injustice and the grief of loss, but no less affected by it.  Levi is in so much obvious pain here.  Not physical (though obviously there’s that), but emotional and mental.  Hange is it for him.  They’re his last, real connection, his last, true friend, his last person.  And he has to let them go here.  Both for the sake of humanity, and for Hange’s own sake as well.  It truly is the bitterest pill to swallow.  And once again, it is a desperately heartbreaking display of Levi’s own selflessness, that he lets Hange go, that he lets Hange do this thing that needs to be done, without complaint, without protest, without influence from his own feelings, sacrificing once more what would be best for him for the sake of everyone else.  Levi looks devastated as he lays his fist against Hange’s chest and tells them “dedicate your heart”.  This final acceptance of his own, tragic loss, and Hange’s own choice to sacrifice their life.

And it continues when Hange flies away, at last, and we see Levi standing with the rest of their group.  Everyone around Levi has expressions of shock, dismay, and disbelief.  They haven’t yet accepted that this is happening, that Hange is flying to their death to buy them the time they need.  They look astonished and horrified.  But Levi is the lone exception.  He doesn’t look shocked, or disbelieving, but only continues to carry that same expression of weary, despairing resignation and acceptance.  And I think what we see in Levi, in this final arc is, in many ways, the culmination of a lifetime of loss and grief.  Levi’s lost more than probably any other character in SnK.  He’s experienced the most extreme forms of poverty and depravation from the time he was born, and with the death of Hange, has now lost every, single person that he ever formed any kind of close bond with.  With Hange’s death, Levi is left finally, completely alone.  And the look of defeat on Levi’s face throughout this entire arc is, I think, reflective of the affirmation he must feel, of the cruelty and injustice of life’s indifference to the suffering of everyone.  Every experience in Levi’s life has driven home to him the lesson, again and again, of the unfairness and cruelty of existing in this world.  And the events of this final arc, Eren’s betrayal, Zeke’s manipulations and cruelties, the deaths of so many comrades, the Rumbling, violence and destruction and allies turning against one another, and finally, Hange’s death, can only solidify for him the hopeless cynicism he’s fought against all his life, the awful comprehension of life’s brutality.  With Hange’s death, Levi is made to face once more what he’s always, deep down, known, which is that to exist in this world is to suffer with no purpose.  

And yet, still, Levi fights on.  He accepts Hange’s death with all the pain the loss crushes him down with.  He tells Hange goodbye, and asks them to “Just watch us.”.  Because even with the affirmation of all of Levi’s greatest despairs, he still finds a reason to make the fight worth it.  To realize the dream they all fought for, the salvation and future of humanity, and through the realization of that dream, to give meaning and importance to the lives of all those who have died in that dreams name, and meaning and importance to the lives of those yet still there.  Levi refuses, still, to give up, refuses to accept the futility and insignificance of people’s lives, even as he’s so ruthlessly reminded again and again of it.  And it’s in Hange, I think, that Levi finds that strength.  Because Hange also refused to give up.  Like they told Floch as he bled out, “We still can’t give up.  Even if we fail here, now, maybe someday...”  Maybe someday, life really will get better.  Maybe someday, people won’t have to suffer so much.  Maybe someday, there really will be a point to all of it.  Even in the face of total despair, Hange and Levi both found reasons to keep fighting.

Also, just some smaller observations about Levi’s physical state, and what it also says about his determination to not give up, but also about his perception of himself.

Levi is doing BAD here.  I didn’t notice this on my first read through, but when they’re all gearing up with their ODM gear, Levi is the only one sitting down on a crate, while everyone else is standing.  We see earlier in the chapter, when he leaves his room on the boat, he can’t even stand without the support of a handrail on the upper deck, or Armin’s arm around his shoulders.  And then when we see him testing his grip on the handle of his ODM’s blade, his hand is visibly shaking.  Levi’s physically too weak to stand on his own at this point, too weak to even hold his blades steady.  He must be in absolutely horrific pain.  Probably dizzy and lightheaded, probably nauseas even.  He’s FAILING physically.  On the verge, it seems, of collapse.  The fact that he’s even up and making the effort to move is something of a miracle, let alone that he’s prepared to engage in intense, physical combat, which just a short time later, he DOES.  That’s remarkable, and such a testament to Levi’s incredible will and unwavering conviction to fight for humanity.  He’s dying.  I think literally, he’s extremely close to death, genuinely frail.  But he still is ready and willing to give his all.  I think, over the course of the few chapters before this one, it must have been horrifically hard for Levi to sit by and watch as everyone else risked their lives to fight.  This isn’t something Levi is used to, being helpless and unable to fight for others.  He isn’t used to letting others take the risk while he stays back.  When Levi comes out of his cabin and Armin tries to convince him to go back to bed, Levi snaps with impatience that if he keeps resting, they’re all going to forget he even exists.  This reveals a lot about Levi’s perception of himself as someone who needs to make himself useful in order to matter.  As a tool to utilize.  He feels useless and like dead weight if he isn’t able to fight, and so, even on deaths door, he pushes himself to do just that, to become a weapon to be used in the coming battle.  It’s heartbreaking, to see Levi regard himself this way, even as it proves his incredible devotion and heart.  Once again, his own well being takes a backseat to the cause of others.  His health is secondary, in his mind.  For someone who always shows so much compassion and kindness and understanding for others, it makes it doubly heartbreaking, to see that Levi can’t manage the same compassion for himself, can’t give himself a break, or a pass for his weakness.  That he can’t allow himself that vulnerability, or for others to fight for him, even as all his life, he’s done nothing but fight for others.  

[orangeburrit0]

Thai person here.

Claiming Thailand has no/does not conform to the gender binary is disingenuous, incorrect and straight up lying.

Male and female gender roles were always a part of Thailand's history.

Society very clearly revolved around a binary, with strict and rigid sex roles.

A woman's role was to be a submissive wife and mother (sometimes concubine and basically servant), subordinate to her husband.  Women were excluded from the public or political sphere, as their only place was in the home.  They are conspicuously absent from most historical records and lacked voices.

Legal recognition of male superiority/patriarchal inheritance was established during the Sukhothai period.  (some interpretations of Buddhism were used to prop up that idea)

The idea that the "third gender" was a prevalent, open thing is wrong.  It was a term with negative connotations, that othered homosexual people, forcing them to hide their orientation or risk ostracism and possibly punishment.

(In Buddhism, people of the "third gender" were pitied as they were disqualified from becoming monks)

The actual meaning of "เพศที่สาม" (third gender) in the Thai language is vague and nebulous.  Most people think of it as referring to people of "the other gender", which include and are limited to homosexual people.

It's a blanket term or short descriptor for the following:

- กะเทย/ตุ๊ด (Kathoey or "ladyboy": gay men who like crossdressing or homosexual transwomen)

- เกย์ (gay men)

- ทอม and ดี้ (analogous to butch and femme lesbians)

There are no native Thai concepts or words for genderless/nonbinary people or heterosexual transsexuals.  (what words do exist are loanwords that were introduced by western ideologies)

If you ask people as to whether เกย์, ทอม and ดี้ (gay men and lesbians) are in fact men and women or a third gender, you'll get different opinions.  It's not particularly a clear-cut definition, and the "third gender" label can sort of be called slang.

(Oh, and fun fact: nobody views kathoeys as women. We know)

TL;DR third gender = homosexuals, with a special category for kathoeys.

While Thai society is passively accepting of the LGBT community*, to call it a totally progressive and modern culture is incorrect.  It's still very much a country with traditional norms and values, especially when it comes to gender roles (as mentioned above)

*In most households being gay or a kathoey will definitely disappoint your mother and family before they eventually resign themselves to it.

Women are still raised to be more submissive and deferential, to preferably keep their virginity for their husband, and to prioritize children over their own careers.

It's widely accepted for men to visit prostitutes, even after marriage.  (Obviously it's forbidden for women to do the same)

The tradition of having multiple wives (เมียน้อย) is still in practice today, among higher levels of Thai society.  (despite it not being strictly legal)

Thai women have a different view of relationships than western women (relationships are also economic), and are less independent.  Many of them become prostitutes to earn a living and try to find a long-term boyfriend or sugar daddy (A lot of western men come for the sex tourism and end up marrying prostitutes)

Abortion was illegal for the longest time until this year when they finally passed a law allowing them during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.  (Women had to get illegal abortions that were dangerous and could result in infertility)

Speaking in such a condescending tone and assuming you know everything about Thailand because you, as a foreigner, lived there for a few years reeks of colonialism.

Stop appropriating Thai (or really, any other) culture and attempting to redefine what it is to fit your own western ideological narrative.

- Sincerely, all of ethnic radblr.

I mean the TERF cult has no grounding in reality.

But I think the epitome of this is that, I lived in a country for 7 years that doesn’t conform to the gender binary. Like, this is a modern, thriving culture, driving the most progressive society and strongest economy in the region. It literally exists in 2022 and it does not ascribe to the binary.

Me: *Mentions this to the TERF who somehow got their filthy hands on one of my posts*

TERF:

[raydaug]

The Moon is Very Beautiful Tonight - The Love Language of the Tower of Doors

Natsume Soseki (1867 - 1916) was a Meiji era novelist and is widely regarded as one of, if not the most important and influential novelist in modern Japanese history. So prominent is Natsume’s place in Japanese history and culture that Natsume’s portrait was featured on the 1000 yen note for twenty years, from 1984 to 2004. 

Prior to becoming a writer, Natsume was a teacher, first at Matsuyama MIddle School, which would serve as inspiration for one of his most famous novels, 坊っちゃん (Botchan), and then Fifth High School in Kumamoto. 

In 1900, he was sent by the Japanese Government to study English literature in Great Britain. By all accounts, he did not enjoy his time studying abroad. Of his time spent at University Collect London, Natsume wrote; “The two years I spent in London were the most unpleasant years in my life. Among English gentlemen I lived in misery, like a poor dog that had strayed among a pack of wolves.”

However much he may have disdained it, his time in Britain was hugely influential to Natsume and his works. It engendered in him a great deal of skepticism towards the rapid Westernization of Japan. The tensions between modern Western culture and traditional Japanese sensibilities would become a recurring theme in his writings.

                                    Natsume Soseki (1867 - 1916)

After returning to Japan in 1903 but before resigning to become a full time writer in 1907, Natsume was a professor of English literature at Tokyo Imperial University. While teaching one day, Natsume overheard some of his students struggling to translate the phrase “I love you” from English into Japanese. The students settled on 我君を愛す (I love you), but Natsume took issue with the use of 愛す (aisu - love), as he felt that stating one’s feelings that openly and directly was too Western and wasn’t in keeping with Japanese culture, or what he thought Japanese culture should be. 

Instead, he suggested that “I love you” should be translated as 月が綺麗ですね (the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?). He felt that this phrase preserved the indirect, stoic nature of Japanese, as the the word for “moon” (月 - tsuki) and “like” (好き - suki) both sound the same when spoken out loud. This creates a double meaning for the phrase, stating one’s affection by hiding it in plain sight. 

Or so the story goes. Records corroborating this tale are sparse, with some of them popping up one hundred years or more after Natsume’s death. The exact phrasing of the translation also changes depending on the telling, with some versions saying that Natsume translated “I love you” to 今夜は月がとても青い (The moon is very blue tonight). 

Regardless of the veracity, the story of Natsume’s translation became part of the cultural consciousness of Japan. In 1955, enka singer Tsuzuko Sugawara released the song 月がとっても青いから (“Since the Moon is so Blue”) and 2017 saw the release of the romance anime 月がきれい (As the Moon, So Beautiful). 

“If French is the language of love, then Japanese is the language of awkward, and roundabout expressions like this one are common throughout.” Translator and editor Rei Miyasaka told me in a brief correspondence we had on the subject. Among other things, Miyasaka worked as a translator on the aforementioned As the Moon, So Beautiful anime series. “The story of Natsume’s translation, whether factual or not, is passed down essentially as a useful parable. It demonstrates a difference between Western and Japanese mannerisms.”

The Tower of Doors gamble is the apotheosis of Sayaka’s character arc and the arc of her and Kirari’s relationship. It comes when both are at their most uncertain about the other and the relationship they have, and the moon plays a pivotal role in the outcome of the gamble. 

Despite moving though the tower in a way that she thought was perfect, Sayaka still loses the gamble. When Yumeko begins to explain to a shellshocked Sayaka how she managed to beat her, she says this:

今夜は月がとっても綺麗ですね。 The moon is very beautiful tonight, isn't it?

“The phrase is definitely well-known in Japan. “ Miyasaka says. “...when this particular phrase is referenced in literature or pop culture, it’s usually with either a tacit or explicit nod to the Natsume Soseki story, usually in a discussion of Japanese people’s awkwardness and/or aesthetic sensibilities.” 

Yumeko doesn’t quite say the famous line exactly here. She adds とっても (very) and 今夜 (tonight) to it. I believe this was an intentional deviation, for two reasons. One, this is not Yumeko’s confession, she is instead calling attention to the Tower of Doors and Kirari’s intentions. And two, changing the line draws attention to what remains the same. The kanji used to describe the moon, 綺麗 (beautiful), shares the same first character as is used in Kirari’s name (綺羅莉), drawing a connection to Kirari and the moon. 

Later in her explanation, Yumeko drops any pretense of subtlety, saying:

このギャンブルのためだけに「扉の塔」は回転する！ The "Tower of Doors" rotates just for this gamble!) なんて馬鹿らしくて。 How silly/absurd/ridiculous! なんて愛らしくて。 How charming/adorable/lovely! なんてロマンテックなんでしょう！ How romantic!

The precise word Yumeko uses to describe the romanticism of the Tower of Doors is ロマンテック, which is the katakana for the english word “romantic.” Katakana is a sort of phonetic way of writing in Japanese that’s used in several different ways, including foreign loan words and emphasis, similar to italics in English. Yumeko is stressing heavily and unambiguously the romantic nature of the Tower of Doors.

When a furious and dumbstruck Sayaka retorts that Yumeko’s logic makes no sense and that the Kirari may have made the Tower rotate for no reason, both Yumeko and Kirari rebuff her:

Yumeko: まさか No way! そんなこと考えもしませんでしたよ。ここまで大掛かりな仕掛けを作っておいてギャンブルに使わないなんて。 I didn't even think about that. You can't make such a large-scale device/mechanism/gadget and not use it for gambling.

Kirari: 買い被りよ、清華。私もそこまで酔狂ではないわ。 You give me too much credit. I'm not that capricious/eccentric.

Here, Yumeko asserts, and Kirari confirms, the intentionality of the design behind the Tower of Doors. Kirari designed the Tower with the intent that the moon would reveal its secret. 

Yumeko won the Tower of Doors because she figured out the Tower’s secret. But that secret wasn’t that it rotated and that you could move from the bottom to top floor in one move. The key to the Tower was understanding Kirari’s intent when she designed it. That the Tower of Doors is a love letter to Sayaka, designed to capitalize on all of her strength in logic and reasoning, but with it’s own illogical twist layered on to. 

Sayaka failed to understand this for the same reason everyone loses to Yumeko; they become so absorbed in beating Yumeko and losing themselves in the gamble that they lose sight of the bigger picture. Sayaka was so focused on Yumeko that she failed to see the key to understanding the Tower and the symbol of Kirari’s affection for her; the moon. But it doesn’t matter in the end. Even though Sayaka lost the gamble, Kirari and Sayaka accept one another, and are brought closer, because, as Yumeko puts it, “You can’t prohibit someone from having feelings for someone else.” 

“...Japanese people love to euphemize and beat around the bush.” Miyasaka says. “...people tend not to like saying ‘I love you’ because people find it to be too forward...So quotes like this one [the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?]  might come up naturally when two people are sharing a moment...one should go no further than to express that, despite the stoicism expected of them by the other people around them, they feel safe exposing their sentimentality to this person, and that hence they love them.” 

Translation is more of an art than a science. There’s no equation that you can plug words and phrases into and have them converted cleanly into any other language because words are more than dictionary definitions. 

To translate something from one language to another while still preserving meaning requires a firm grasp not only of the mechanics of both languages, but also the cultural vocabularies of the languages as well. But even then, meaning can still be lost because the cultural contexts and codes that inform language exist outside of the words. 

The language of love that permeates the Tower of Doors is something that sadly gets, not just lost, but abandoned in translation from Japanese to English, and ends up going unnoticed, like Sayaka and the moon.

CLICK HERE FOR A TANGENT ABOUT KAKEGURUI’S OFFICIAL ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS

Massive, massive shoutout to @castleoflions​ for doing just as much, if not more work than I did on this in providing me with the manga pages as well as helping me with the Japanese. Also, thank you so much to Rei Miyasaka for offering me some of his time and helping me with the cultural aspects of this piece.

[peppermintbee]

OMORI’s poor writing (Part 2)

Once again, if you are a big fan of OMORI, this review is not for you. Treasure this game, love it, recommend it, make fan art, buy the merch, do what you will with it. I am not here to take OMORI away from anyone. Based on the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam, I know that my opinion is in the minority.

However, just as the fans have the right to praise the game, I have the right to examine it, criticize it, and explain why it failed to provide a compelling experience. This is second part of my review where I will tackle OMORI’s problematic themes and disrespectful appropriation of mental health.

[ See Part 1: Plot Writing Lies ]

(Note: I use “OMORI” in all-caps for the game title, and “Omori” in title case for the character name.)

Spoilers and criticism below.

Part 2: OMORI’s message is mishandled and distasteful

OMORI provides a warning that it depicts scenes of depression, anxiety, and suicide. Because the game includes these scenes, I assumed these mental health issues are presented in a way that is meaningful and respectful.

However, that is not the case. 

Despite having depictions of such, this game is not really about depression, anxiety, or even suicide. It’s about committing a horrible crime, lying about it, and getting over the guilt.

1. Suicide as a game mechanic

Suicidal thoughts are intrusive, terrifying, and painful. As well as ending the victim's life, suicide wreaks havoc on the lives of those who once knew them. It is often a taboo topic, but discussing such matters is an important step to understanding and preventing it. Video games are a medium well suited to approaching such dark topics.

Unfortunately, OMORI does not handle the topic of suicide well at all.

First, suicide is written as a unavoidable game mechanic that seems to have been included for shallow reasons such as aesthetic and shock value. To leave Sunny’s headspace and wake up, you--as a player--must direct him to stab himself in the stomach. 

But why? It’s not like waking up involves some sort of major sacrifice. In fact, waking up is something that is more or less unavoidable. Reality should be something that snatches Sunny away from his headspace against his will, perhaps as an encroaching darkness that Sunny can run from, but never truly escape. But instead, facing reality is something you are forced to opt into in the most needlessly violent way possible.

Forcing you--as a player--to literally commit suicide just to wake up from a dream is a pointless, distasteful, and disrespectful action that sets a precedent for suicide not being taken seriously in this game. (And it isn’t.)

In the black space, Omori is pressured to kill a cat. In that scene, regardless of your choice, you are forced to kill yourself. However, the act of stabbing yourself has been seen so many times at that point that it has completely lost any impact. Who cares about suicide when it’s been reduced to just a means of travel?

Lastly, if you fail to defeat the final boss, Sunny commits suicide in the real world. However, this is not a cutscene, it is once again something that you--as a player--are forced to do to progress. Putting these actions in the hands of a player is not as meaningful as the writer seems to believe, because there are no other options to progress. Any weight in making that decision is lost to resignation; a frustrated sigh of “Well, okay, fine. I guess I have to click Z here.” You are then rewarded with a SLAPPING pop song and a psychedelic cutscene of Sunny falling to his death. It’s tasteless to its core and appropriates the deaths of every suicidal person as a quirky, shallow “bad end.”

(Seriously, this is how the writer decided to depict a child taking his own life.)

2. Sunny/Omori is a poor presentation of depression

Sunny/Omori does not smile. Even in past photographs before The Incident, he still is not smiling. The contrast between Sunny and his friends stands out like a sore thumb, so I assumed this was the writer’s attempt to show that Sunny is dealing with depression, where he can’t be happy even in happy situations.

Of course, if that were the case it would be inaccurate since depressed people do smile and do hide their true feelings. They are often dismissed with, “You can’t be depressed, I saw you smiling once.” However, I was willing to let Sunny’s chronic frown slide because sometimes you have to oversimplify an idea to get your point across.

Much to my surprise, there is NO evidence of Sunny having depression before The Incident and there is very little indication of him having depression throughout the game either. The evidence of this is that while looking at a family portrait, Sunny comments that he's never liked to smile. Since he's a a baby in this portrait, this goes to show that his not smiling is simply a preference -- a quirky character trait that makes him stand out so that you feel an emotion during the true ending when he finally smiles. 

Everything in the game seems to point to him being pretty happy and well adjusted up until he killed Mari. Then, even after he killed Mari, he pretty much looks and behaves the same way. Wouldn’t it be more jarring and tragic if you saw Sunny was happy in the past, but depressed now?

Which leads me to my next point...

3. Sunny and Basil are not depressed, they’re guilty (and for good reason)

In the book I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), Brené Brown explains the difference between feeling guilt and shame.

Guilt means: “I did something bad.” Shame means: “I am something bad.”

Guilt, when attributed to bad behavior, is actually a healthy emotion. It means that you have a sense of right and wrong, that you empathize with those you’ve hurt, and it motivates you to make things right.

Shame is an unhealthy emotion. It arrests growth, destroys self-esteem, causes poor decision making, isolates you from your loved ones, and is directly correlated with anxiety and depression.

OMORI should be a game about overcoming shame. All the right set pieces are there. Sunny’s walled himself off, his sister (allegedly) committed suicide, and he seems to be struggling with lifelong depression. However, this all falls apart, when it’s revealed that he killed his sister and staged her death as a suicide to escape blame (with Basil’s help). He DID do something bad. It’s not shame, it’s literally guilt.

All at once, OMORI stops being a game about recovering from grief and depression and becomes a game that demands the player to sympathize with a killer and liar who is hiding from his crimes. Because he and Basil feel bad about what they did, Sunny and Basil are presented as greater victims than their actual victim.

4. OMORI asks you empathize with villains (with ZERO self awareness)

Games where you are playing a character with a guilty conscience has been told before, but where OMORI really fails is that Sunny is not truly held accountable for what he did to others. Instead, the game focuses on HIS pain: since killing his sister he’s been isolated, he’s having nightmares, and he’s suicidal. 

The plot of the game is focused on helping Sunny forgive himself for ruining other people’s lives. The writing barely acknowledges how his friends/family feel about what he did. When his victims’ pain IS addressed, it’s either used to further victimize Sunny (ie: isn’t it sad for him that he made his friends so sad?) or it’s used to reassure the player that Sunny’s victims have forgiven him (or will forgive him). 

In fact, the game holds Mari responsible for her own death, citing that her "perfectionism" must have been what pushed Sunny to attack her. OMORI presents Mari, through headspace, as someone who accepted death gracefully and wants Sunny to live a happy life. She is never given her own voice and nothing in the game suggests she is capable of feeling bitter over her death and postmortem desecration. She plays the role of the Madonna archetype--and the perfect victim--allowing the player to empathize entirely with Sunny while accepting that Mari brought everything on herself.

[Mari suggesting that Sunny acting out his aggression on her was her fault.]

The climax of this game is NOT Sunny telling the truth to his friends. The climax is Sunny defeating his guilt and forgiving himself. We know this because the story does not even show how his friends respond to his confession, because-- once again-- what’s most important thing is resolving Sunny’s pain, not the pain he has caused others. (Though the game does heavily imply that his friends will forgive him.)

[Pictured: the boys shedding their guilt is the true happy ending ]

Imagine, for a moment, if this game was about an abuser, who caused immense pain to someone and got away with it. Then, the whole game was about how they felt bad for the abuse they caused, and-- as a player-- you help them forgive THEMSELF for their past abuse. Then, in the last few seconds of the game, they either apologize to their victim or kill themself. The victim’s response is not shown because it is not important.

This is the plot of OMORI, except with a bunch of excuses thrown on top to make it more palatable. Sunny and Basil are just soooo cute and sad. Killing Mari was an accident. Stringing her body up like a piñata was a juvenile mistake. The boys feel SO BAD that they want to kill themselves. And because suicide is so tragic, you-- as an audience-- are manipulated into empathizing them.

5. In OMORI, suicide is used as a cheap ploy for sympathy

As I mentioned before, suicide is horrible and tragic. People struggling with suicidal ideation need help, support, and respect. That said, let’s make one thing clear: being suicidal does not automatically make someone a good person. There are plenty of examples of criminals who kill themselves to escape the penalty or guilt for something they did. It is so common in the news that I don’t think I have to list out examples.

In bad endings, Sunny and Basil’s suicides are 100% motivated by guilt for their very real crimes. Now, it should be stated, Sunny and Basil do not deserve to die. And because suicide is such an extreme, permanent end for those two boys, we-- as players-- are invested in preventing that tragic end at all costs.

However, the looming threat of suicide is used as leverage to force the audience to dismiss the severity of what Sunny and Basil did. As I’ve said before, the plot of the game is about soothing and alleviating Sunny’s guilt and stopping him from killing himself as opposed to making things right. 

The worst thing is, this tactic actually works. The threat of suicide is so strong, it has distracted many players from the truth that this story is about sympathizing with a boy who has killed his sister, with little regard for those his actions have affected (see point #4).

It’s terrible because suicide is such a serious topic worthy of discussion, but when used as little more than pity-bait, it twists your perception of what the characters did and silences those who try to criticize how this game handles such topics.

6. Mari's suicide being fake is a terrible twist

Lastly, by revealing Mari’s “suicide” as an accidental death, OMORI misses an opportunity to tell a much more powerful story. In the first half of this game, when Mari is thought to have committed suicide at the young age of 15, is a sobering moment. That tragedy is something very real.

If Mari had killed herself as opposed to being killed, Sunny isolating himself after his sister takes her own life is realistic. Mari’s death coming as a surprise is also realistic; how often have we heard people saying that they never knew someone was suffering? That they seemed like such a happy person?

Losing a loved one to suicide does not just cause horrible grief, but crippling shame as well. Those left behind will blame themselves, tormented by thoughts of how they could have saved them, how they would do anything to get them back. That shame can follow you forever, haunting you like a ghost, threatening you with the same fate. Overcoming that grief and shame is no simple task, and I truly thought OMORI was going to be about grappling with grief and letting go of survivor guilt.

Instead, Mari didn’t commit suicide, her life was cut short by her brother. Then, her body was staged as a suicide, forever changing how her family and friends perceived her. Her hanging body did not represent a devastating loss of life and horror of teen depression, but instead is a cheap twist that represents Sunny’s guilt for killing her and tampering with her corpse.

Conclusion:

As I’ve mentioned before OMORI has a lot of potential. The set pieces of a depressed kid who escapes to a dream world to cope with his unresolved trauma is one that had the makings to be very meaningful. However, it fumbles these issues, creating a sloppy plot that results in a problematic message. It’s baffling that this even happened, especially considering the length of time this was in development.

[vavuska]

My childhood in some TV show:

1) Murder She Wrote (1984 - 1996)

Murder, She Wrote is an American crime drama television series starring Angela Lansbury (born October 16, 1925) as mystery writer and amateur detective Jessica Fletcher. Moving into television in 1984, she achieved worldwide fame as fictional writer and sleuth Jessica Fletcher in the American whodunit series Murder, She Wrote, which ran for twelve seasons until 1996, becoming one of the longest-running and most popular detective drama series in television history.

The show revolves around the day-to-day life of Jessica Fletcher, (formerly MacGill), a widowed and retired English teacher, who becomes a successful mystery writer. Despite fame and fortune, Jessica remains a resident of Cabot Cove, a small coastal community in Maine, and maintains her links with all of her old friends, never letting her success go to her head.

Jessica invariably proves more perceptive than the official investigators of a case, who are almost always willing to arrest the most likely suspect. By carefully piecing the clues together and asking astute questions, she always manages to trap the real murderer.

Jessica's relationship with law enforcement officials varies from place to place. Both sheriffs of Cabot Cove resign themselves to having her meddle in their cases. However, most detectives and police officers do not want her anywhere near their crime scenes, until her accurate deductions convince them to listen to her. Some are happy to have her assistance from the start, often because they are fans of her books. With time, she makes friends in many police departments across the U.S., as well as with a British police officer attached to Scotland Yard. At the start of season eight, more of the stories were set in New York City with Jessica moving into an apartment there part-time in order to teach criminology.

2) Columbo (1968 - 2003)

Columbo is an American crime drama television series starring Peter Falk as Columbo, a homicide detective with the Los Angeles Police Department. Columbo is a shrewd but inelegant blue-collar homicide detective whose trademarks include his rumpled beige raincoat, unassuming demeanor, cigar, old Peugeot 403 car, unseen wife (whom he mentions frequently), and often leaving a room only to return with the catchphrase "Just one more thing." Columbo and his wife own also a Basset Hound named Dog.

Peter Falk (September 16, 1927 – June 23, 2011) was an American actor and comedian, known for his role as Lieutenant Columbo in the long-running television series Columbo (1968–2003), for which he won four Primetime Emmy Awards (1972, 1975, 1976, 1990) and a Golden Globe Award (1973).

The recurring plot's homicide suspects are often affluent members of high society; this has led some to see class conflict as an element of each story, however the show's creators have stated that setting the program in the world of the wealthy and powerful was to create a fish out of water feeling, not to make a social or political point. Suspects carefully cover their tracks and are initially dismissive of Columbo's circumstantial speech and apparent ineptitude. They become increasingly unsettled as his pestering behavior teases out incriminating evidence. His relentless approach often leads to self-incrimination or outright confession.

3) The Munsters (1964 - 1966)

The Munsters is an American sitcom depicting the home life of a family of benign monsters. The series starred Fred Gwynne as Frankenstein's monster and head-of-the-household Herman Munster; Yvonne De Carlo as his wife Lily Munster; Al Lewis as Lily's father, Grandpa, the somewhat over-the-hill vampire Count Dracula who longs for the "good old days" in Transylvania; Beverley Owen (later replaced by Pat Priest) as their teenage niece Marilyn Munster, who was attractive by conventional standards but the "ugly duckling" of the family; and Butch Patrick as their werewolfish son Eddie Munster. The series was a satire of both traditional monster movies and the wholesome family fare of the era. It ran concurrently with the similarly macabre-themed The Addams Family (which aired on ABC).

4) Zorro (1957 - 1959)

Armando Joseph Catalano (January 14, 1924 – April 30, 1989), better known as Guy Williams, was an Italo-American actor and former fashion model. Among his most notable achievements were TV serie Zorro (1957), in which he played the title chatacter: the noble hildago Don Diego de la Vega, who became the masked vigilante Zorro.

Don Diego de la Vega is a young man who is the only son of Don Alejandro de la Vega (George J. Lewis), the richest landowner in California, while Diego's mother is dead. Diego learned his swordsmanship while at university in Madrid, and created his masked alter ego after he was unexpectedly summoned home by his father because California had fallen into the hands of the greedy and cruel local Comandante, Capitán Enrique Sánchez Monasterio (Britt Lomond).

Just before reaching California, Diego learns of the tyranny of Captain Monastario, and realizes that his father, Don Alejandro, summoned him to help fight this injustice. Although he won medals for his fencing back in Spain, Diego decides that his best course of action is to conceal his ability with a sword, and to affect the demeanor of a milquetoast intellectual rather than a decisive man of action. His alter ego, Zorro operates primarily at night, taking the direct action that Diego cannot. This deception does not always sit well with Diego, especially as it affects his relationship with his disappointed father. In reality, Diego relies heavily on his wits, both with and without the mask on. Later in the series, Diego emerges as a respected figure in his own right, a clever thinker and loyal friend who just happens to be hopeless at swordplay.

He is typically portrayed as a dashing masked vigilante who defends the commoners and indigenous peoples of California against corrupt and tyrannical officials and other villains, helped by his mute servant Bernardo, played by Gene Sheldon (born Eugene Hume, February 1, 1908 – May 1, 1982), an American actor, mime artist, and musician.

The character's visual motif is typically a black costume with a black flowing Spanish cape or cloak, a black flat-brimmed hat known as sombrero cordobés, and a black sackcloth mask that covers the top half of his head. In Disney's Zorro television series the horse gets the name Tornado, which has been kept in many later adaptations. In most versions, Zorro keeps Tornado in a secret cave, connected to his hacienda with a system of secret passages and tunnels.

5) Addams Family (1964 - 1966)

The Addams Family is a close-knit extended family with decidedly macabre interests and supernatural abilities, though no explanation for their powers is explicitly given in the series. The wealthy, endlessly enthusiastic Gomez Addams (John Astin) is madly in love with his refined wife, Morticia (Carolyn Jones). Along with their daughter Wednesday (Lisa Loring), their son Pugsley (Ken Weatherwax), Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan), and Grandmama (Blossom Rock), they reside at 0001 Cemetery Lane in an ornate, gloomy, Second Empire-style mansion, which is portrayed by the house at 21 Chester Place in Los Angeles.

The family is attended by their servants: towering butler Lurch (Ted Cassidy); and Thing (also Cassidy), a disembodied hand that appears from within wooden boxes and other places. Other relatives who made recurring appearances included Cousin Itt (Felix Silla), Morticia's older sister Ophelia (also portrayed by Jones), and Morticia's mother Grandma Frump (Margaret Hamilton).

Question: how old am I?

Little clue: my birth year is one of the dates above.

[dwellordream]

“To understand what friendship between women was, we must first understand what it was not. Before turning to the ways in which female friendship illustrated the play of the Victorian gender system, we must develop grounds for distinguishing it from other relationships between women. This is a detour, for the subject of this chapter is female friendship; erotic desire and marriage between women are the focus of subsequent sections. But friendship, erotic infatuation, and female marriage have so often been conflated, and women’s relationships so commonly understood as essentially ambiguous, that the detour is a necessary one. 

The language of Victorian friendship was so ardent, the public face of female marriage so amicable, the comparisons between female friendship and marriage between men and women so constant, that it is no simple task to distinguish female friends from female lovers or female couples. The question “did they have sex?” is the first one on people’s lips today when confronted with a claim that women in the past were lovers—and it is almost always unanswerable. If firsthand testimony about sex is the standard for defining a relationship as sexual, then most Victorians never had sex. Scholars have yet to determine whether Thomas Carlyle was impotent; when, if ever, John Stuart Mill and Harriet Taylor consummated their relationship; or if Arthur Munby and Hannah Cullwick, whose diaries recorded their experiments with fetishes, cross-dressing, and bootlicking, also had genital intercourse.

Just as one can read hundreds of Victorian letters, diaries, and memoirs without finding a single mention of menstruation or excretion, one rarely finds even oblique references to sex between husband and wife. Men and women were equally reticent about sexual activity inside and outside of marriage. In a journal that described her courtship and wedding in detail, Lady Knightley dispatched the first weeks of wedded life in two lines: “Rainald and I entered on our new life in our own home. May God bless it to us” (173). Elizabeth Butler, whose autobiography included “a little sketch of [her] rather romantic meeting” with the man who became her husband, was similarly and typically laconic about a transition defined by sexual intercourse: “June 11 of that year, 1877, was my wedding day.” 

The lack of reliable evidence of sexual activity becomes less problematic, however, if we realize that sex matters because of the social relationships it creates and concentrate on those relationships. In Victorian England, sex was assumed to be part of marriage, but could also drop out of marriage without destroying a bond never defined by sex alone. The diaries and correspondence of Anne Lister and Charlotte Cushman provide solid evidence that nineteenth-century women had genital contact and orgasms with other women, but even more importantly, they demonstrate that sex created different kinds of connections. The fleeting encounters Lister had with women she met abroad were very different from the illicit but sustained affair Cushman had with a much younger woman who became her daughter-in-law. 

Those types of affairs were in turn worlds apart from the relationships with women that Lister and Cushman called marriages, a term that did not simply mean the relationships were sexual but also connoted shared households, mingled property, and assumptions about exclusivity and durability. We can best understand what kinds of relationships women had with each other not by hunting for evidence of sex, which even if we find it will not explain much, but rather by anchoring women’s own statements about their relationships in a larger context. 

The context I provide here is the complex linguistic field of lifewriting, which brings into focus two types of relationships often confused with friendship, indeed often called friendship, but significantly different from it: 1) unrequited passion and obsessive infatuation; and 2) life partnerships, which some Victorians described as marriages between women. The most famous and best-documented example of a Victorian woman’s avowed but unreciprocated passion for another woman is Edith Simcox’s lifelong love for George Eliot, which has made her a staple figure in histories of lesbianism.

Simcox (1844–1901) was a trade-union organizer and professional writer who regularly contributed book reviews to the periodical press and published fiction and nonfiction, including a study of women’s property ownership in ancient societies, discussed in chapter 5. From 1876 to 1900, Simcox kept a journal in a locked book that surfaced in 1930. Simcox gave her life story a title, The Autobiography of a Shirtmaker, that foregrounded her successful work as a labor activist, but its actual content focused on what Simcox called “the lovepassion of her life,” her longing for George Eliot as an unattainable, idealized beloved whom she called “my goddess” or, even more reverently, “Her.”

Simcox knowingly embraced a love that could not be returned, though she was aware of reciprocated, consummated sexual love between women. Her diary alludes to a “lovers’ quarrel” among three women she knew (61) and mentions her own rejection of a woman who “professed a feeling for me different from what she had ever had for any one, it might make her happiness if I could return it” (159). Tellingly, though twentieth-century scholars often refer to Simcox euphemistically as Eliot’s devoted “friend,” Simcox rarely used the term, and modeled herself instead on a courtly lover made all the more devoted by the one-sidedness of her passion. Simcox defined her diary as an “acta diurna amoris,” a daily act of love, and aspired to keep it with a constancy that would mirror her total absorption in Eliot (3). 

After bringing Eliot two valentines in February 1878, Simcox wrote: “Yesterday I went to see her, and have been in a calm glow of happiness since:—for no special reason, only that to have been near her happens to have that effect on me. . . . I did nothing but make reckless love to her . . . I had told her of my ambition to be allowed to lie silently at her feet as she pursued her occupations” (25). George Lewes, the companion whom Eliot’s friends referred to as her husband, was present at most of these scenes, and he and Eliot tolerated and even enjoyed Simcox’s attentions, which they consciously construed as loverlike. 

During a conversation about Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s love poems, Sonnets from the Portugese, Eliot told Simcox “she wished my letters could be printed in the same veiled way— ‘the Newest Heloise,’” thus situating Simcox’s missives to her in the tradition of amatory literature (39). In private, Simcox indulged fantasies of a more sensual connection, reflecting on a persistent “love that made the longing and molded the caress,” and recalling how “[i]n thinking of her, kisses used to form themselves instinctively on my lips—I seldom failed to kiss her a good night in thought” (136). 

In trying to define her love for Eliot, Simcox significantly refused to be content with one paradigm; instead, she accumulated analogies, comparing her love for Eliot to both “[m]arried love and passionate friendship” (60). Like a medieval ascetic, Simcox eroticized her lack of sexual fulfillment, arguing that her love was even more powerful than friendship or marriage because, in resigning herself to living “widowed of perfect joy,” she had felt “sharp flames consuming what was left . . . of selfish lust” (60).

In an unsent 1880 letter to Eliot, Simcox again found herself unable to select only one category to explain her love: “Do you see darling that I can only love you three lawful ways, idolatrously as Frater the Virgin Mary, in romance wise as Petrarch, Laura, or with a child’s fondness for the mother” (120). By implication, Simcox also suggested that there would be an unlawful way to love Eliot—as an adulterer who would usurp the uxurious role already occupied by Lewes. She concluded by explaining that her relationship with Eliot was too unequal to be a friendship (120). 

In the absence of the sociological and scientific shorthand provided by sexology or a codified subculture, and in the absence of a genuinely shared life that could be represented by a common history or joint possessions, women like Simcox represented their unrequited sexual desire for other women by extravagantly combining incompatible terms such as mother, lover, sister, friend, wife, and idol. Other women deployed similar rhetorical techniques of intensification and accumulation to express sexual loves that were not equally felt and did not lead to long-term partnerships. 

At age twenty, Sophia Jex-Blake (1840–1912), one of England’s first female doctors and an activist who helped open medical education to women, met philanthropist Octavia Hill (1838–1912). In a biography of Jex-Blake written in 1918 that still adhered to Victorian rhetorical conventions, Margaret Todd called her subject’s relationship with Hill a “friendship” but qualified it as one that made “the deepest impression . . . of any in the whole of her life.” Jex-Blake considered the degree of love she felt for women to be unusual, writing around 1858, “I believe I love women too much ever to love a man” (78). 

During a brief relationship that Hill soon broke off, the two women may have been sexually involved, but even so their feelings were never evenly matched. During the period when the women were closest, Hill reduced their bond to mere chumminess by calling herself and Jex-Blake “great companions” (85). By contrast, Jex-Blake was in awe of Hill and described her as both child and mother, roles often eroticized for Victorians, writing in her diary of “My dear loving strong child . . . I do love and reverence her” (85). Even after the relationship ended, Jex-Blake thought of Hill as her lifelong spouse, referring twenty years later to the “fanciful faithfulness” she maintained for her first love, to whom she left “the whole of her little property” in repeated wills (94). 

Like Simcox, Jex-Blake used intensified language to underscore the uniqueness of her emotions. When she described inviting Hill on a vacation that included a visit to Llangollen, a site made famous by the female couple who had lived there together, Jex-Blake wrote of her “heart beating like a hammer” (85) and then described Hill’s response: “She sunk her head on my lap silently, raised it in tears, then such a kiss!” (86). Female friends often exchanged kisses, but Jex-Blake’s account took the kiss out of the realm of friendship into one of heightened sensation. Although it was common for female friends to love each other and write gushingly about it, Simcox and Jex-Blake also wrote of feeling uncommon, different from the general run of women. 

Simcox identified closely with men and Jex-Blake felt unable to love men as most women did; both were extraordinarily autonomous, professionally successful, and self-conscious about the significance of their love for women. Other women also had intense erotic relationships that went beyond friendship, but were less self-conscious about those relationships, which they rarely saw as needing special explanation, and which usually lasted years or months rather than a lifetime. An example of outright insouciance about a deeply felt erotic fascination between women is found in the journals of Margaret Leicester Warren, written in the 1870s and published for private circulation in 1924. 

Little is known about Warren, who was born in 1847 and led the life of a typical upper-middle-class lady, attending church, studying drawing and music, and marrying a man in 1875. Her diary attests to a fondness for triangulated relationships that included an adolescent crush on her newlywed sister and her sister’s husband, and a brief, tumultuous engagement to a male cousin whose mother was the dramatic center of Warren’s intense emotions. In 1872, when Warren was twenty-five, she began to write incessantly about a distant cousin named Edith Leycester in entries that reveled in the experience of succumbing to another woman’s glamour: “Edith looked very beautiful and as usual I fell in love with her....Tonight Edith took me into her room. . . . She is like an enchanted princess. There is some charm or spell that has been thrown over her.”

 Numerous similar entries recorded an infatuation that combined daily familiarity with reverent mystification of a sophisticated and self-dramatizing woman. Warren’s fascination with Edith lasted several years. Unlike Simcox and Jex-Blake, Warren never self-consciously reflected that her feelings for Edith differed from conventional friendship, but like them, Warren ascribed an intensity, exclusivity, and volatility to her feelings for Edith absent from most accounts of female friendship. Indeed, Warren rarely referred to Edith as a friend when she wrote of her desire to see Edith every day and recorded their many exchanges of confidences, poetry, and gifts. 

Warren fetishized and idealized Edith, was fixated on her presence and absence, and used superlatives to describe the feelings she inspired. Within months of meeting Edith, most of Warren’s entries consisted of detailed reenactments of their daily visits and the emotions generated by each parting and reunion: “Edith was charming tonight and I was happier with her than I have ever been. She looked beautiful” (287). Warren created an erotic aura around Edith through the very act of writing about her, through a liberal use of adverbs and adjectives, and by infusing her friend’s most ordinary actions with dramatic implications. 

Describing how Edith invited her to visit her country home, for example, Warren wrote, “Edith came in and threw herself down on the chair and said quietly and gently ‘come to Toft!’” (291). Although Warren got along well with Edith’s rarely present husband, Rafe, she relished being alone with her and described the awkward, jealous scenes that took place whenever she had to share Edith with other women (362, 369). Warren found ways to dwell on the details of Edith’s beauty through references to fashion and contemporary art. Like many diarists, Warren had an almost novelistic capacity to observe and characterize people in terms of prevailing aesthetic forms. 

She described Edith with flowers in her hair, looking like a pre-Raphaelite painting, and recorded her desire to make images of Edith: “I sd. like to paint her. . . . It wd. make a good ‘golden witch’ a beautiful Enchantress” (290–91). A ride with Edith inspired Warren to pen another impassioned tableau: “All the way there in the brougham I looked at Edith’s beautiful profile, the lamp light shining on it, and the wind blowing her hair about—her face also, all lit up with enthusiasm and tenderness as she leant forward to Rafe and told him a long story . . . I . . . only thought how grand she was” (369–70). 

Shared confidences about Warren’s broken engagement to their male cousin became another medium for cultivating the women’s special intimacy. By assuring Warren that she did not side with the jilted fiance´, Edith declared an autonomous interest in her: “‘I wanted you to come here because— because I like you.’ She was sitting at her easel and never looking at me as she spoke for I was standing behind her, but when she said ‘because I like you,’ she looked backwards up at me with such an honest, soft, beautiful expression that any distrust I had still left of her trueness melted up into a cinder” (290). 

Just as Warren heightened her relationship with Edith by writing about it so effusively and at such length, the two women elevated it by coyly discussing what their interactions and feelings meant. Before one of her many departures from London, Edith asked Warren: “‘[A]re you sorry I am going? . . . How curious—why are you sorry?’ Then I told her a little of all she had done for me . . . how much life and pleasure and interest she had put into my life, and she said nothing but she just put out her hand and laid it on my hand and that from her means a great deal more than 100 things from anyone else” (293). Edith’s gesture drew on the repertory of friendship, but in the private theater of her journal, Warren transformed the touch of a hand into a uniquely meaningful clasp. 

This is not to say the relationship was one-sided. If Warren’s diary reports the two women’s interactions with any degree of accuracy, it is clear that both enjoyed creating an atmosphere of pent-up longing. Edith fed Warren’s infatuation with provocative questions and a skill for setting scenes: “She asked what things I cared for now? And I said with truth, for nothing— except seeing her” (303). Three days later, just before another of Edith’s departures, Warren paid a call: When tea was over, the dusk had begun and I . . . sat . . . at the open window. . . . By and bye Edith came and sat near me. . . . The room inside was nearly dark, but outside it was brilliant May moonlight. . . . Edith sat there ready to go, looking very pale and very sad with the light on her face. . . . We did not talk much. She asked me to go to the party tonight and to think of her at 11. . . . She said goodbye and she kissed me, for the first time. (303–4) 

Warren is exquisitely sensitive to every element that connotes eroticism: a darkened room, physical proximity, complicit silence, a romantic demand that the beloved remain present in her lover’s mind even when absent, a kiss whose uniqueness—“for the first time”—suggests a beginning. Any one of these actions would have been unremarkable between female friends, but comparison with other women’s diaries shows how distinctive it was for Warren to list so many gestures within one entry, without defining and therefore restricting their meaning. Warren’s attitude also distinguishes her emotions from those articulated by women who took their love for women in a more conjugal or sexual direction. Her journals combine exhaustive attention to the beloved with a pervasive indifference to interrogating what that fascination might mean. 

Never classified as friendship or love, Warren’s feelings for Edith had the advantages and limits of remaining in the realm of suggestion, where they could expand infinitely without ever being realized or checked. Women who consummated a mutual love and consolidated it by forming a conjugal household were less likely to leave records of their most impassioned moods and deeds than those whose love went unrequited or undefined. Indeed, women in what were sometimes called “female marriages” (a term I discuss further in chapter 5) used lifewriting to claim the privilege of privacy accorded to opposite-sex spouses. 

Like the lifewritings of women married to men, those of women in female marriages assumed intimacy and interdependence rather than displaying it, and folded their sexual bond into a social one. They described shared households and networks of acquaintances who recognized and thus legitimated the women’s coupledom, liberally using words such as “always,” “never,” and “every” to convey an iterated, daily familiarity more typical of spouses than friends. 

Martha Vicinus’s Intimate Friends cites many nineteenth-century women who described their relationships with other women as marriages, and Magnus Hirschfeld’s magisterial, international study of The Homosexuality of Men and Women (1914) noted that same sex couples often created “marriage-like associations characterized by the exclusivity and long duration of the relationships, the living together and the common household, the sharing of every interest, and often the existence of legitimate community property.” 

Sexual relationships of all stripes were most acceptable when their sexual nature was least visible as such but was instead manifested in terms of marital acts such as cohabitation, fidelity, financial solidarity, and adherence to middle-class norms of respectability. Because friendship between women was so clearly defined and prized, one way to acknowledge a female couple’s existence while respecting their privacy was to call women who were in effect married to each other “friends.” Given that “friends” was used to describe women who were lovers and women who were not, how can we tell when “friends” means more than just friends? 

…There are many instances of published writing acknowledging marital relationships between women by calling them friendships. Victorian women in female couples were not automatically subject to the exposure and scandal visited on opposite-sex couples who stepped outside the bounds of respectable sexual behavior. Instead, many female couples enjoyed both the right to privacy associated with marriage and the public privileges accorded to female friendship. The Halifax Guardian obituary of Anne Lister in 1840 recognized her longstanding spousal relationship with Anne Walker by calling her Lister’s “friend and companion,” a gratuitously compound phrase.

Emily Faithfull, whom we will encounter again in chapter 6, was a feminist with a long history of female lovers. An 1894 article entitled “An Afternoon Tea with Miss Emily Faithfull” described her home in Manchester, decorated by “Miss Charlotte Robinson,” whom Faithfull readily disclosed “shares house with me.”80 Faithfull left all her property to Robinson in a will that called her “my beloved friend” whose “countless services” and “affectionate tenderness and care . . . made the last few years of my life the happiest I ever spent.” To call one woman another’s superlative friend was not to disavow their marital relationship but to proclaim it in the language of the day.”

- Sharon Marcus, “Friendship and the Play of the System.” in Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England

[iheartbookbran]

*shows face in shame* I watched the first episode HotD…

In my defense, my brother came to spend the week home and he wanted to watch it, so I was just roped in.

Anyways here are my thoughts, part 1:

Starting in a positive note, watching Harrenhal in all its monstrous crumbling glory was pretty exciting. I don't even remember if GoT ever managed to show it quite like that during several episodes the way it was shown here in a single scene.

But not even one of my fave castles in asoiaf could really prevent me from getting mad at seeing Sexist Grandpa Jaehaerys lmao, though it was a good call imo to have him attend the council as opposed to what happened in the book.

He also looked so resigned like “I had no choice but to disinherit my granddaughter in the most bullshit way” But the thing is, you did Jaehaerys. I hope Alysanne kicks your balls in the afterlife.

The disrespect of using Dany's name after what the GoT ending did to her. But of course HBO knows she still commands numbers.

Ok ok ok I'm over it *proceeds to rant for 45 minutes*

So no into? How disappointing because a cool intro was one of the very few redeeming qualities of that cursed OG show.

The people behind this prequel must be really confident in themselves, or be really stupid.

Really like the use of High Valyrian in this episode and kinda already love the dragonkeepers? And of course the dragons themselves. (spoilers) It's gonna be heartbreaking to see them get killed by a horde of fanatics.

Part of me doesn't want to like or get attached to Rhaenyra bc even though I'm on her side during the whole Dance conflict, her character in the book hardly does anything for me, but Young Rhaenyra feels so much like a cool combination of Dany and Arya and it's too hard for me to resist.

Also I know how her story ends which is even worse.

Milly Alcock does such a good job of selling Rhaenyra as this conflicted young girl who's intelligent and capable and yearns for freedom, but at the same time is acutely aware of the limitations society places upon her, and is hurt by the knowledge she'll never measure up enough for her father by merit of her sex alone.

I loved her one scene with her mother Aemma, how aware Rhaenyra seemed to be of how her mother is only valued as a baby factory and not as a human being. I hope they continue to explore how Rhaenyra thinks of her mother even after her death, let's not forget she includes the Arryn sigil into her own coat of arms latter in the story.

'm not really that bothered about how they turned Alicent's character into neurodivergent and a minor. Like, if everyone's getting the sympathetic fleshed out approach I don't see why she should be any different, it would hardly be entertaining otherwise. How she is now doesn't really justify any of what she does later on.

Tbh I would be more into her character if it weren't for the fact that I've seen sides of the fandom already using her as a beacon to hate on the Targaryens for shit a lot of the other great houses also do. And it's really rich to try to paint Alicent as a victim of the Targaryens as if she doesn't (spoilers) marry a Targ and becomes queen, has several dragonrider Targ children, marries said children to each other and climbs the political ladder to place her own son on the throne regardless of the consequences.

Like of course Otto is the paramount culpable of placing his young daughter in that position, and he's despicable for it, but let's not claim Adult Alicent didn't have any agency.

It's super funny to see so many people being surprised at Matt Smith being so good in the role of an overly entitled jerk prince, as if he didn't play the exact same character in the Crown.

Mind you, Daemon is still a piece of shit, and I have no interest in viewing him as sympathetic, nor do I think that's a requirement to enjoy the character. It's gonna be so funny to see him cause problems on purpose (same with Aemond).

Like… this guy literally threw an orgy to celebrate the death of a baby and then acted all surprised when word got back to his brother and he was pissed because of it. That's hysterical.

I'm really enjoying the relationship between Ser Harrold Westerling and Rhaenyra, I think it's very similar to that of Ser Barristan and Dany in the books, would've been great if GoT had shown us some of it instead of anticlimactically killing off Barristan. God, I hate Dumb and Dumber…

[platypuskenny]

Can I get more f that Kenny’s physiology with his alter egos? I’m rlly interested in that

(assuming this means psychology, as a follow up to this post)

i’ve put it off cuz i’ve been busy with other stuff but i‘m really glad i got this ask cuz i love kenny and I love thinking about them in the context of their two alter egos!

CW: discussion of child abuse and neglect, including inexplicit discussion of child sexuality. also a lot of discussion of The Whole Kenny Death Thing. also spoilers for the stick of truth if you haven’t played it!

kenny’s been treated a lot more seriously in recent seasons, with a shift in character to be a lot more mature as well, and it’s a development that makes a lot of sense in the context of “the characters have undergone A Lot and it’s really shaped their personalities because they’re at a stage when their brain is still very soft and malleable and susceptible to trauma.”

the addition of karen in “the poor kid” seems to have shaken up the depiction of the mccormicks a lot. in earlier seasons, kenny was more passive about his home situation, or at least went out of his way to ignore them, (like in “best friends forever” when he plays on his PSP and leaves the house while his parents fight). there are early scenes where he does have some responsibility to his family (i.e. trying to win a can of food for them in “starvin marvin”) but usually he’s just depicted as a kid trying to live through a tough situation. though his “willing to do anything for money even if it’s deeply upsetting, depraved, or outright deadly” character trait from “fat camp” kind of tracks with this understanding that he prioritizes financial security over his personal well-being. 

however, ever since karen was added to the show, kenny’s been depicted as a much more responsible and often even tragic figure. his parents are too caught up in their own shit to address their children’s emotional needs, and kevin sadly gets caught up in their violence as well in “the poor kid” (he’s also vaguely implied to be developmentally disabled in the few scenes he speaks up but that’s mostly speculation). because of this, kenny ends up being karen’s main caretaker - holding her close when she’s distressed at losing her parents, buying her a doll, etc. 

kenny’s situation is a textbook example of parentification. he ends up taking care of karen, at least emotionally, because his parents and brother are unable to do so. he also becomes the breadwinner in “the city part of town” as soon as he gets the chance. this is a really unhealthy scenario that a lot of children in poverty, especially older siblings, see themselves in. it can result in the child not knowing their true place in a family that takes them for granted, and thus not considering their own needs and/or feeling shame if they need help because they’re so used to putting everybody before them. i think this tracks with kenny being “the quiet one” and rarely asking for anything. 

that’s not even getting into the constant death and the fact he spent so much of his life not even understanding why he was doomed to constantly die in horrible painful ways, and for nobody else to remember that he even died to begin with. (kind of symbolic of the neglected child, huh?) 

this brings us to mysterion and princess kenny. in both the superhero game and the fantasy game, you’ll notice kenny is the one who tends to get the most involved, with the only exception being possibly cartman, who could be the topic of a whole other essay on identity issues. mysterion is the one superhero with a real power who exists outside of their superhero game (besides the kewn, whose superhero persona is entirely self-motivated anyway), and princess kenny gets so defensive of her identity that she betrays her friends in both the trilogy and the game. kenny also talks about lady mccormick in the third person in the first black friday episode, and i don’t know if any other characters speak about their personas in that way. so kenny intentionally places more distance between his personas and himself than the other kids do with their personas. 

therefore, i see mysterion and princess kenny as how kenny copes with his deeply repressed psychological issues. it’s a way to compartmentalize his feelings towards his constant suffering and the burden his family inadvertently placed on him by developing these two identities. one embraces his role as caretaker to the degree of becoming a superhero, and the other rejects it in favor of being entirely doted upon. (some people have read the prominence of roles as signs of a dissociative disorder, and i can see that with this context, but i don’t know if it’s really a perfect fit for any specific disorder, especially when there’s little information on kenny’s consciousness when it comes to these personas.)

mysterion is more obviously a tool for kenny to express his discontent with his town. in his first appearance, he states, “i could no longer sit by and watch as my city became a cesspool of crime,” which tracks with his earlier characterization as reluctantly accepting his family’s poverty despite constantly suffering. (plus i’m pretty sure several of kenny’s deaths were the result of crimes.) he refuses to be unmasked because he “would stop being a symbol,” and only does so in order to quell the unrest that his mystery has provoked. that "symbol" wording suggests that mysterion is an extreme version of kenny's self-sacrificing lifestyle to the point where he defines himself as a symbol of justice and hope, not a person. kenny himself is also pretty quiet and secretive, but more because nobody cares about him and he’s kind of afraid of getting killed any second. mysterion’s secret persona is something bold, powerful, and masculine. he is physically adept in a way we don’t see kenny behave, and much more reasonable and cautious about what’s best for him and humanity. (a good visual of this to contrast with kenny is the “mysterion re-rising” animation in the fractured but whole, where he consciously rejects the chance to go to the heaven full of naked women that kenny loves because he has to return to battle.)

mysterion is also a way for kenny to reclaim his "curse” and use it for good. as mysterion, he uses death (albeit reluctantly) to get out of tough situations and save his friends. in video games like fractured but whole and phone destroyer, mysterion’s ability to exist as a ghost and revive himself is a gameplay mechanic. this self-sacrificial personality trait has shown up in earlier seasons, and he kills himself for the good of the community/world/etc in “cartman’s mom is still a dirty slut,” the movie, and “jewbilee.” but he’s not nearly as interested in world issues unless he’s under pressure to care. (for example: he does join the workers’ strike in “bike parade,” but he’s not very passionate about it and doesn’t even care about the issue until his dad takes him to a union meeting.) kenny’s good with solving short-term issues while mysterion worries about the deeper, long-term problems with the town. 

this brings us to mysterion and the mccormicks. when we see mysterion’s interactions with karen, we see how mysterion represents kenny’s responsibilities towards her. mysterion is able to offer karen elaborate, heartfelt emotional support, and guarantee that he’ll always be there for her. he also beats up a girl who bullies her and threatens anybody else who thinks about hurting her - more on that aggressive instinct down below. while mysterion’s identity is known to his friends and the rest of the town, it’s not known to karen, who sees him as a guardian angel. presumably, this is so mysterion can remain a symbol of hope to her, just like he is to the town, and so karen feels like there’s people in the world who care about her besides her brother. however, this does backfire in the fractured but whole DLC where she laments how her brother doesn’t seem to spend time with her, which embarrasses mysterion as he promises to tell him to be there for her more often. this implies that kenny gets so wrapped up in being mysterion that he forgets that he has a duty to karen as kenny as well, further indicating that mysterion is a way to cope with the tragic responsibility of caring for a sibling not much younger than he is.

during the superhero trilogy, kenny also uses mysterion to question his parents about their cult meetings, something that shook him so badly when he learned about it that he broke character. mysterion also told his parents to be nicer to the kids, not beat each other up, pay their kids allowances, and not smoke. it seems that mysterion is able to approach kenny’s parents about serious issues while kenny himself mostly stays out of their business - possibly out of fear? (kenny’s more confrontational in later seasons, though - flipping off his dad in “bike parade,” for example.)

on a similar note, mysterion is way more openly angry and violent than kenny is, especially when it comes to the death curse, which he openly complains about in a way kenny himself never did. compare kenny complaining about stan ignoring his deaths in “cherokee hair tampons,” which only gets further ignored, and mysterion complaining about it in graphic detail in “coon vs coon and friends,” even killing himself in front of his friends, and understandably scaring the shit out of them. mysterion also gets really protective of karen, violently so, as seen with the girl he beats up in “the poor kid” and his distrust when the vampires befriend her in the “from dusk til casa bonita” DLC. such a mysterion is way more passionate and loud about justice and direct action while kenny is more resigned, and most of his good deeds are unknown to the public. if kenny has embraced this caretaker role, it makes sense that he vents his repressed anger through mysterion, especially if you take it in the context of dissociation - kenny can’t handle dwelling on his shitty life all the time, so mysterion holds that anger and finds a way to cope with it by trying to fix everything around them, including kenny’s home life. 

princess kenny is very opposite mysterion in many ways. most obviously, she’s a girl. kenny’s relationship with gender is something i think about a lot in light of PK. “tweek vs craig” depicted him as the only boy in home ec, and he was thrilled because it was the safe alternative to the deadly shop class. i think that, regardless of your headcanon for kenny’s gender (i personally see them as feminine nonbinary - i’m mostly using “he” pronouns in this essay strictly for recognition’s sake and because i’m mostly talking about the show’s depiction of kenny), he sees femininity as safe and comforting, but nevertheless very powerful. (remember that his mother, while not super feminine, is a very outspoken and aggressive woman who calls stuart out on his shit constantly.) and what’s a better combination of femininity and power than a magical girl? 

also one thing i want to note real quick is that karen still refers to kenny as her sister in the stick of truth despite not being super involved in their game which i personally choose to read as Trans Rights Subtext

this is how we get lady mccormick / princess kenny, who is largely a passive character during the black friday trilogy, sitting upon her throne and cutely commenting on the surroundings while stan translates for her. then when sony takes her in, she becomes the star of her own show, a magical japanese princess who doesn’t take shit from cartman or his army and gets whatever she wants because she’s a cute little girl and now she gets to be protected and doted upon! also she speaks japanese and is not muffled in the slightest despite wearing her parka....symbolism? and really interestingly is that when she supposedly dies, she brushes herself off and immediately revives, declaring that she’s okay. in kenny’s feminine fantasy, she doesn’t suffer when she dies, and revives without any mess at all. princess kenny is always gonna be okay!

PK is also very flirty and overly sexual. it’s no secret that kenny is very interested in and knowledgeable of sex. he also absolutely worships women’s bodies, as seen with his views of heaven and that whole plot of “major boobage.” i don’t even read this as lust, because he’s ten, but sheer fascination with sex. maybe it plays into that whole “growing up too fast” concept where he tries to indulge in the “fun” parts of adulthood to make up for the exhaustion of caregiving, but this has been a thing since before kenny was depicted as a real caregiver so IDK. 

anyway, i think PK is also a way for kenny to experiment with flirting and sex, particularly with other boys. she uses her coyness and, in the games, her bare chest to entice boys. her cuteness also attracts grown men in “titties and dragons” which goes largely unremarked upon, which is a bit uncomfortable but still works with the idea that she’s the most “lovable” form of kenny. she also apparently thinks the new kid is “cute.” iit’s really funny to me how kenny is depicted as interested in strictly girls while princess kenny only focuses on boys, which could support the idea that PK is a separate entity from kenny, or that kenny just needs to figure himself out. either way, i imagine kenny finds some thrill in getting men to pay attention to them when their male friends often treat her as superfluous, and even then it often involves objectifying herself (this also tracks with their behavior in “fat camp”). it’s kind of sad if you think about it.

in the climax of the stick of truth, princess kenny has her own in-depth backstory, where she was an orc/elf rejected by both the elves and humans. i think this reflects kenny’s feeling of being “othered” as non-human (since this game chronologically comes after the superhero trilogy) and just generally not feeling welcome among their friends unless they need her. there may also be some parallels between her friends denying her the right to be a princess and kenny’s friends refusing to believe in his immortality. when she rebels against her friends choosing the stick over friendship, it’s another way for kenny to cope with their mixed-to-negative feelings about their friends. so while PK is a figure to be doted on, she’s still probably more gutsy than the kenny we usually know. 

however, PK is not entirely selfish or apathetic about the world around her. in the opening of “a song of ass and fire,” her inner monologue explains her choice to deflect to the PS4 side as the side she believes “is best for all.” she also laments that everybody, including her parents, will be fighting on black friday. it seems that PK dreads the mere idea of war, which contradicts mysterion’s tendency to use violence as a means to protect others. PK still uses her adorableness to help her team, and only asks that they accept her, which really isn’t much. it’s just when she, you know, becomes a nazi zombie and puts the world in danger because she’s so pissed about not being accepted for who she is. 

in my original post, i used the freudian personality theory to explain these three personas, which i regret because i fucking hate freud and he’s heavily responsible for modern consumerism and planned obsolescence. but the basic concepts of the id, ego, and superego do kind of illustrate what i’m getting at with these guys. i assigned princess kenny as the id, because she’s more about self-gratification and getting what she thinks she deserves as well as a tendency towards sexual gratification, and mysterion as the superego (hehe get it super) because of his strong inclination towards morality. however, this isn’t that black-and-white, as princess kenny has some moral considerations and mysterion has violent impulses (the “aggressive instinct”) that are more easily attributed to the id. nevertheless, it seems that kenny is still the balance between these exaggerated personas, and when he expresses attitudes similar to theirs, they are far more downplayed due to the necessities of his situation as a caretaker and an underappreciated friend. kind of makes you wonder if/how the attitudes of mysterion and princess kenny will manifest in him when he’s older.

[ingek73]

For Meghan Markle, leaving Britain must seem more and more like the right choice

Afua Hirsch

The Duchess of Sussex, a woman of colour, has faced relentless media attacks – and had no protection from the palace

Published: 17:54 Friday, 05 March 2021

‘The media has used Meghan’s private life for a feeding frenzy.’ Photograph: AFP/Getty Images

Racism is a lucrative business. When it comes to Meghan Markle, the media’s strategy is transparent. Tabloids pillory her with a range of mostly ludicrous allegations – her baby bump is too prominent, her avocados are not “woke”, her earrings are drenched in blood – and then networks double up with manufactured debates in which anti-racist commentators try to push back on those narratives.

It’s no wonder that, in the teaser for his forthcoming interview with Oprah Winfrey, Prince Harry referred to history repeating itself. We saw a similar strategy of obsession and vilification play out with his mother. The genius of it then and now – from a tabloid perspective – is that they as perpetrators are also the major beneficiaries, as their endless coverage racks up clicks and newspaper sales.

Knowing this, and being aware that this discourse is rarely designed to achieve progress or change, has made me reluctant to continue entering the fray. I have not answered the literally hundreds of calls I’ve received recently from broadcast networks, asking me to comment first on the state of Meghan’s womb (presumably the entire nation feels entitled to have a view), and then on her decision to speak to Winfrey.

There is the general obsession with celebrities and royals, and then there is the particular shape this obsession takes when the object in question is a woman of colour.

It’s hardly breaking news that the British media is often driven by deeply racist instincts. You never have to look far to illustrate the point. “Do you look at [Meghan] and see a black woman? Cause I don’t,” said LBC host Andrew Pierce. “I see a very attractive woman. It’s never occurred to me.”

The idea that being attractive and being black are mutually exclusive has a long history in Britain. The very first time I was interviewed by a newspaper, aged 18, I was asked to comment on Jeffrey Archer’s view that, in the past, “your head did not turn in the road if a black woman passed you because they were badly dressed, they were probably overweight and they probably had a lousy job”. (At the time Archer was the Conservative candidate for mayor of London.)

Pierce simply offered us an up-to-date example of how, confronted with Meghan – a black woman he does consider attractive – commentators reconcile this apparent anomaly by reclassifying her as not black at all. And so that cycle continues.

So does the one involving the character assassination of women of colour as a kind of sport. The Mail on Sunday was willing to break the law – as a recent high court summary judgment established – and to take its attack on Meghan to a new low. Having obtained and published a distressing handwritten letter from Meghan to her estranged father, the tabloid deployed a handwriting expert to reveal that her penmanship shows her to be, “a showman and a narcissist”, “self-aware” and “self-oriented”, someone who suffers from “anxiety”. It would be strange not to suffer from anxiety, wouldn’t it, when the media is using your private life for a feeding frenzy, and the institution capable of shielding you – in this case, Buckingham Palace – has decided to sit back and watch?

Indeed, the palace has decided that this precise moment – days before the Sussex’s highly anticipated interview with Oprah Winfrey is broadcast – is the right time to launch an investigation into allegations of bullying made by former royal aides against Meghan three years ago.

Bullying allegations must be taken seriously. That should have been the case for home secretary Priti Patel, who was found culpable of abusing senior civil servants and has just paid out £340,000 to one of her accusers. Yet despite being accountable to the electorate, her political career seems unscathed by this. Clearly she plays a useful role for Boris Johnson, who has consistently protected her, even when she was found by his independent adviser to have broken the ministerial code, which is normally a resigning offence.

It’s richly ironic therefore that the media �� which has relentlessly bullied Meghan, including most intensely during two periods when she has been pregnant – is now consumed with these latest allegations that she herself is a bully. It’s also not without context because – as numerous black women have attested of their experiences in white spaces – we are frequently perceived as threatening.

I have my own painful memories of how, as a teenager, younger children at my school said they found me “terrifying”, and how I was dubbed “Scary Spice”. Being biracial did not exempt me from being perceived as frightening simply because of my physical appearance.

It’s difficult to compare these personal experiences to those facing Meghan, because she has become a fixation of the global news media in ways few of us can imagine. She is in this position because of her relationship to the palace – a unique institution that creates global superstars who are not elected, not accountable to the electorate. In her case, she no longer even lives at the taxpayers’ expense.

And yet there is so much the palace could have done to provide Meghan with the same shielding that other senior members of the royal family enjoy. For Prince Andrew, who has faced allegations of involvement in sexual abuse, a palace spin doctor even tried to enlist the help of an online troll to discredit the prince’s accuser.

I would condemn the idea of discrediting Meghan’s sex abuse accusers; except she doesn’t have any. I would criticise Meghan for visiting Saudi Arabia, as other members of the royal family have on many occasions; except she has never set foot there.

Instead, she reportedly wore a pair of earrings gifted by Prince Mohammed bin Salman, whose track record of extreme human rights abuses, including authorising the murder of Jamal Khashoggi and the dismal war in Yemen, has not prevented our nation from selling him arms. I doubt the royal family will open an investigation into this particular allegation anyway, since doing so would offer an inconvenient reminder to countries in the former empire – now its Commonwealth friends – of how much of royal treasure was stolen from them.

I would criticise Meghan for furthering Prince Philip’s current state of ill health, except – contrary to the suggestion of one royal commentator – it has nothing to do with her whatsoever. If Meghan can be linked to murder for wearing jewellery, I dread to think what she’d be blamed for were his condition to get worse.

The greatest irony in all this, of course, is that Meghan left Britain – as I suspect we will discover with some clarity when her Oprah interview is broadcast – to get away from the toxic and racially motivated media obsession with her. And yet even in its remarkable track record of denying her the basic human expectations of privacy, the media are outdoing themselves all over again in proving that her judgment was right.

Afua Hirsch is a Guardian columnist

[saultrunner48-theicebreakers]

BLOG NUMBER 4: The Struggles of a Senior White American Man

In loving memory of Anna Bitterman, known to the kids as Grandma Anna, who succumbed to COVID-19 in March 2020. We miss you, but your warm presence encourages us still.

Four nights have passed since I read James Baldwin’s 1979 speech at University of California, Berkeley. His words yet burn in my ears and sear at my soul. The concepts flowing from his now still lips are in repeat mode within my consciousness. I feel ignorant. I sense a course adjustment in my essay.

Two statements from Baldwin’s address have affected the direction of my research. The first, “Every white person in this country – I don’t care what he or she says – knows one thing … they know they would not like to be black here.” The second, “… we find ourselves up against a vast machinery of racism which infects the country’s entire system of education.”

(James Baldwin at his estate in Southern France, Phot published in Semana, September 12, 2021, https://www.semana.com/periodismo-cultural---revista-arcadia/articulo/james-baldwin-escritor-negro-estadounidense-treinta-anos-tras-su-muerte/67273/)

Those two sentences alone bast away at the foundations of my essay on the Path to Shine® efforts with school children but, more significantly, question the assumptions and very motivations for my involvement in this educational program. Do I, as a white person, have blinders that hinder my effectiveness serving the children, 85 percent of whom are people of color. Am I, essentially, a collaborator in my interactions and cooperative plans with a public school system that is unintentionally destined to fail students of color? These questions haunt me – I am powerless to ignore them.

In the early 1970s as an Air Force sergeant, I had in my crew a young white airman who grew up in poverty in Eastern Arkansas. A great mechanic, he will be identified simply as Eddie. Eddie loved to drink – drink led him to tales of his scrappy town and the black neighborhood of his childhood. The Motown sound of the time set his memories back to adults who had helped him and contemporaries who had befriended, almost all African American. One night, listening to the Four Tops and others, a stewed Eddie began to cry, “Saaarrg, why do ya think God made me white? I hate being white ... I always wanted to be black!” I was baffled; however, I eventually recalled the Eddie’s military pals were seldom white. He felt trapped by his race.

(Photo courtesy of USAF)

The fact that I was baffled by Eddie’s confession was and is a telling window into the soul of a person who, fundamentally, judged his heart free of bias. I was not!

Obviously, a brief essay on the subject of “The Ice Breaker” cannot and should not resolve these two questions in their impact on my Path to Shine® efforts: the posing of these questions may need suffice. However, my essay approach now includes two factors that, in the long run, will feed on each other: how has my service to elementary school children impacted their lives and, perhaps more crucially, how has this service and the children themselves impacted my life?

The demographics of Path to Shine® student participants include 56 percent African American, 33 percent Hispanic, and the minority balance are of Caucasian origin. Since these statistics do not represent the demographic breakdowns of the communities our programs serve (some, such as Dunwoody, Georgia, are affluent and predominantly white communities), intellectual curiosity begs questions of the whys. Why do the school systems, teachers, and parents appear incapable of guiding floundering students to the goal of high school education? Why does our population of students differ significantly from the ethnic and economic backgrounds of the communities we serve? My research goal is to uncover contributing factors without firm conclusions.

A YouTube® video exists that engages a diverse group of high school students in the prospect of winning $100 in a foot race. However, before the race begins the “coach” gives each student a two-paces-forward advantage for each question answered “yes”. Each question is based solely on economic and family background with no regard for individual capabilities. For example, two-pace-forward increments are rewarded when parents are still married, if a father figure lives at home, if participants never worried about getting a meal, if the student went to a private school, and so forth. The result was that the “starting lines” differed for nearly each student: the kids with the greatest number of “yes” answers were far ahead of the “no’s”, through no efforts of their own. Incidentally, white students in the group found themselves, in general, ahead although the race had not begun.

In his highly influential blog on American education (The Edvocate), Dr. Matthew Lynch claims that multiple of reasons exist why our education systems fail some students. His reasoning includes several factors that also influence the kids who participate in our Path to Shine® programs, including limited parental involvement (parental apathy, single parent, or multiple job parent homes), insufficient school resources, lowered expectations for certain racial and economic backgrounds among educators, and an inability to achieve education equity among all demographic groups. Given that Dr. Lynch’s pronouncements were established nearly forty years following Baldwin’s 1979 speech, one wonders if the same speech could be addressed to a contemporary audience with similar accuracy.

(https://www.theedadvocate.org/10-reasons-the-u-s-education-system-is-failing/)

While my heart breaks in the hearing of Baldwin’s words, my intellect suggests that a degree of progress may have been achieved since 1979: are white folks like me less likely to hold the lot of black folks in a less pitiable perspective, and is the American education system still harboring the “vast machinery of racism”?

I am in the process of interviewing five persons who have committed goodly portions of their time to improving the prospects of children whose backgrounds represent known learning disadvantages: Rev. Leslie-Ann Drake, the founder and current executive director for Path to Shine®, a parent-family school liaison for a Fulton County, Georgia elementary school, a former instructor for a local preparatory academy who recently resigned to accept a teaching role in the Fulton County School System, an Episcopal priest who sponsored a Path to Shine® program through her church, and my spouse, Donald, who has also offered three years of dedication to local elementary school kids. My questions have changed to a degree because of James Baldwin’s perspectives.

(Photo of College Park Mayor Bianca Motley Broom by Michael Isham)

My goal is to illustrate that the learning process for those who guide the “ice breaker” across the treachery of a frozen path is as meaningful for them as it is for the children they serve.