#the other night i had what may have been a hypnagogic hallucination except i was completely awake and it make my head thump insanely afterwa
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hi how do i convince my brain that my symptoms & odd experiences that seem concerning may actually be concerning and probably not something i’m making up for fame&glory
#got out of bed put my glasses on and was taken aback a bit by how little they unblurred everything. vision has been blurring every so often#for varying lengths of time. kept seeing colors in the dark moving around and changing#my visual snow has been fucking crazy lately#felt too tired at dinner to keep eating til i was full#the other night i had what may have been a hypnagogic hallucination except i was completely awake and it make my head thump insanely afterwa#maybe that’s something hypnagogic hallucinations or ehs or whatever does. i don’t know. but it felt different than other times it’s happened#brain zaps that get worse and more disorienting each time#and whatever else i’m not remembering right now.#i acknowledge this is on paper concerning#maybe?#but other than the things that make functioning hard like fatigue and pain i at my core can not bring myself to actually really care#much less talk about it. because i still refuse to believe none of this is actually a real thing that i’m experiencing#or believe it’s normal and nothing of note#and try as i may to make myself actually worry it always inevitably backfires into believing it’s nothing it’s normal or an exaggeration#or a lie#and i don’t know what to do.#because right now i’m irritated. annoyed at myself#but tomorrow i will forget and/or go back to not giving enough of a shit#whatever if it is real it’s probably my fault somehow anyway.#i’m going to bed
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