#the only way to make that known is to cancel ur account...

[imwritesometimes]

what a good day to remind everyone if you thought the tiktok stunt was gross and despicable and chilling, the only way to put your money where your mouth is is to terminate your fucking account

[inmyarmswrappedin]

i didnt know abt skam at all until druck new gen, but have done a retrospective deep dive and was just wondering if u know how popular the remakes have been in their countries of origin? obvi theres SOME popularity, and from an international audience thanks to og skam, but did people in skam countries connect with it without the context of the og? (ik its kinda a loaded question but all ur answers are somehow entertaining and informative so figured i'd ask)

Hi anon 💐 Flattery will get you everywhere, haha. But seriously though, thanks for the note in parenthesis, I know I’m long winded, so I try to be interesting at least!

Of course I can’t really get a feel for how popular a Skam is in their home country, because I only live in Spain and I’m not part of the target demo anyway.

I will say though, that Norway has the smallest population of all countries with a Skam, and their ig accounts are the most followed across the board. There are some cases like the Eskild, the Elias Bakkoush or the Yousef characters, that didn’t really have active igs, so their remake counterparts have more followers, but that’s about it.

There’s also that NRK advised the remake teams not to promote their shows, and instead let the existing fandom and teens discover it on their own. That was the strategy NRK followed with Skam, but the issue is that Norwegian teens already had knowledge of shows like these. They’d even grown up with the Jenter characters and had aged out of that age bracket, so of course they found Skam easily and were interested in it. Some remake teams chose to follow the instructions and other teams didn’t. In general, the teams that promoted early and heavily had larger viewerships that those that didn’t. (I can discussion promotion strategies but it’s kind of beside the point in this ask lol.)

My impression about the popularity of the remakes in their own countries, and again this is just my impression and I could be wrong, since I don’t live there:

Skam NL is largely unknown in the Netherlands, mostly because it wasn’t promoted at all. I’d even say NL was pretty much viewed only by existing Skams fans.

Skam Austin had something of a following, but it averaged 300K people per episode, in a country of 328 million people. I will say FB did try to promote the show in its own way. The problem is that there’s so much scripted TV in the US market already competing for teens’ attention, and they should’ve promoted the shit out of the show. Austin wasn’t well known at all in the US.

My impression is that Skam Italia was both really well known in Italy and highly profitable. I feel like it was cancelled because timvision didn’t want to pay for a season about a Muslim girl, or didn’t think people would watch it. Once people protested and Netflix Italia reiterated their willingness to produce the season, they were happy to “uncancel” the show and afaik, their Sana season got good views.

Otoh, my impression is that Skam France does have a small local following, but it’s mostly (highly) popular abroad. And I’m really just talking about Lucas L’s season, which was so popular in South Korea that an event organizer actually held a con with the Skam France cast over there. I’m basing this on the fact that Lucas and Eliott have well over 100K followers, but every other character hasn’t reached 50K.

People have written a lot about wtFOCK being very popular with Flemish teens. It seems to be popular enough (wtfock was the most popular google search in Belgium in 2019? I think??), and I think it’s telling that Zoë is still the most followed character on ig. I would say it pretty much means that evak fandom turned its back on wtfock, because generally the Isak becomes the most followed character after his season airs. So based on this, I would say wtfock is more popular in Belgium than outside of Belgium... But not like such a hit that it would make the actors household names or anything (none of the actors are verified on ig).

IN MY OPINION... Skam España did the best out of any Skam remake locally. Their igs have the most followers overall, and not just Cris and Joana. Several characters, including Eva, Lucas R, Nora and Alejandro all broke 100k followers. A furniture store put out an ad with Cris and Joana lookalikes. A good amount of the actors are verified on ig, and many have already gone on to be cast in other projects (unlike the Austin or NL casts). I do have a couple buts. 1) Spanish is one of the most widely spoken languages in the world, and I think eskam benefited from a Latin American audience, which can’t be considered local. 2) Even though it did fairly well on youtube as a free show, I think ultimately eskam was an underperformer for Movistar. The goal was obviously to get people to subscribe to the service and access the extra content, and my guess is that this didn’t happen, because the seasons only got shorter and shorter as time went on. So, it was popular locally and internationally, but it wasn’t profitable like Skam Italia was. 

As for Druck. Imo Druck isn’t all that popular locally (though BRAVO, a teen magazine, has given them some attention here and there, suggesting it’s on teens’ radars kind of? idk). But I also think that, at this point, it’s by design. Funk didn’t really promote Hanna’s season, and as such it didn’t have a lot of views. But then they chose not just to promote Mia’s season on youtube and instagram, but to drop the weekly episode on TV. I think that’s the reason Mia’s season is still the most watched to this day tbh. The thing is, if the Druck team wanted, they could do seasons upon seasons of cis white blonde blue-eyed girls falling in love with the resident cis white bad boy, enemies to lovers, and several scenes of the leads making out, being naked in a bathtub, and so on and so forth. It would clearly do well. However, they chose to focus on underrepresented minorities and narratives, and at this point it seems like they’re okay with not being really well known locally, as long as they get enough viewers to justify making more seasons. Druck is one show where I feel like they could be more popular if they wanted, but they have decided they’re good like this.

[boyfhee]

cael as one of the older kids (i’m assuming 🤧) on sfw enhablr (not saying ur old !! 😭😭 it’s just that there’s a lot of minors on here) how do you feel abt the current content for the maknae line? like ik it’s not always super sexualized or anything but sometimes i see stuff that’s just the way it’s worded really rubs me the wrong way ☹️ esp bc some of the kids on here are so young it makes me feel like if they see stuff like that , they might start think it’s okay for others to treat them the same or vice verse … whenever i see edits of niki on tiktok , i have to avoid the comments bc there’s almost always like a “daddy” , “how is he 16” or “you don’t know what you do to me” like wtf he’s a literal child ?? it makes me so mad and honestly so uncomfortable :( and i saw an article on kboo today too that said niki apparently has around 200 explicit or mature fics written abt him on ao3 … sometimes even the fboi trope (usually when it’s written abt minors) bothers me bc i see minors writing abt it (like 13-15 y/o) and i don’t understand why they don’t just use the term player or smtg … bc they’ll go out of their way to mention how the character has sex a lot an whatnot , even that feels way too suggestive for me personally for a minor too write let aline abt a minor too , sorry for the rant,, i was just wondering how you felt … omg also though tbh i noticed that some of the minors on here / blogs in gen seem way too comfy on here like they’ll be sharing where they live , their actual names and sometimes like giving a lot of personal info … like did they not learn abt internet safety or do they just no care? as one of the older kids , i kind of worry abt them :( i really hope everybody stays safe on here <3 & some reminders: never be afraid to block anyone ! bc i’ve seen a lot of minors on here get sent stuff from the p*rn bots or just weird dms :( & u don’t need to force yourself to interact with someone , make sure ur comfy with them first !

HELP THIS IS SO LONG I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING CANCELLED OR SMN 💀 and pls there's not a single day i dont feel old on kpopblr, it's just that the general community here holds an average age of 13-15 years :/ ALSO PLS DONT APOLOGIZE FOR RANTING IT'S FINE !!

TW : mentions of nsfw and all yeah .

as for your question, i'm sorry if my response isn't what you expected because i rarely read for maknae lines. first of all, the only 4th gen group i read for is enha, so i don't know how bad things are in other fandoms ( and i've heard abt nct blr being nothing but a pit of smuts— no offence to the writers— but i agree ) about niki though, i personally haven't encountered any such comments but some of my friends have reported seeing nsfw accounts for enha maknae lines, which is straight up disgusting because they're minors. probably one of the main reasons why i don't read for maknae line because i legit can't trust minors here, except a few that i have known for a while. the thing about minors ( 13-15 y/o as you said ) writing nsfw / borderline nsfw, whether for minors or adults, is so messed up because that's straight up wrong. i don't care if you were exposed to such topics at the age of 10 or whatever, if i spot you, a minor, writing nsfw i'm going to block you.

and smut about minors is even more messed up because it's like a gate to tell people that yeah, you can have sex at 16 it's fine, completely normal— which it isn't. moreover, how would you feel if someone wrote a smut about you when you're just 16? and not even smut, i think some people tend to see niki the way they see heeseung, which is also depicted in fiction. the point here is that heeseung is an adult while niki is not, and creating a line between how you write the two of them is very important. you can make suggestive jokes, go on, but not a suggestive work. that's weird, it's messed up.

honestly, i just don't read for maknae line in general lmao. sunoo is fine at times, but you'll rarely spot me reading a jungwon fic, and reading for riki is even rarer; same with writing. like, i know i have riki fics in works but they don't revolve around romance or whatever. i simply don't feel comfortable bcz jungwon is like, just a few months older and niki is younger than me. i think it's just a personal preference but as an adult, i prefer writing for hyung line over everyone else in the group. besides, i once saw someone writing a make out scene with niki and it was so descriptive, i scrolled so fast lmao 🏃‍♀️💨 i mean ok if you're dying to writing a kissing scene but there's a limit ??? he's a minor and you're writing about grinding i ????? also the kboo article im 💀 it's funny because if someone would sexualise a minor irl people would go off but suddenly it's all normal in fictions ( and i just don't mean kpop fics. it's wrong even if you're writing for fictional characters who are canonically minors ) and, i've seen MANY users posting nsfw right on the day an idol turns adult ( like i knew a sunoo one pls ) as if they were waiting for him to turn legal, only to write smut ?? which is so disgusting. fortunately, the user got called out for their actions.

yeah long story short : if i spot you writing inappropriate stuff for minors, i will call you out on your bs i don't care if it ends up with you deactivating or whatever

ALSO YEAH IVE SEEN MANY KIDS DISCLOSE THEIR PERSONAL INFO PLSS, like yawll have an alias for 'privacy' but would give away your school's name to one person you met online like three days ago 🧍‍♀️ there's a reason why people warn you about internet safety and honestly, if stuff hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it can't in future.

you need to watch out for yourself especially if you're on a website which is rated for users above your age ( like tumblr ) since you would be the only one responsible for your actions. btw im so tired of porn bots like a few days ago i had one send me link to her nudes ???? it was 7 in the morning . AND IVE SEEN PEOPLE POST ABOUT THOSE BOTS AND GATHER ATTENTION ffs just block them and move on there's no need to inform your moots.

THIS IS SO LONG I AM SORRY i hope this was Okay like i don't know what to say except this whole issue is fucked up so badly and i can't believe people are so hungry for porn, they're involving minors in it :/

[pfandghoul]

what the sokovia accords really are

a quick study bc what the fuck guys

(copied from the mcu wiki entry about the accords - all of it and not just parts of it)

here goes:

The currently known regulations established by the Sokovia Accords include:

Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.

- Any who AGREE to sign. I dont think this is asking too much. If ur working for a government agency, if ur using force in any way during ur work, I think its fair to ask you to give them biometric data. And if its only so in case there is an investigation afterwards (which their always should be imo) its clear distinguishable who was where and did what.

- Also, what if someone suddenly decides "something happened, im changing sides, imma take revenge" (no matter if its a concious decision or brainwashing 👀)? Would probably be good to have some data and perhaps be able to track them. If its managable or not- hm. But theres no harm in giving that data if ur only goal is working towards a safer world.

-----

Those with secret identities must reveal their legal names and true identities to the United Nations.

- Oh nooo, no unknown vigilantes that might make mistakes while fighting on their own and then cant be held accountable? No one is perfect, OF COURSE, but from a realistic pov I wouldnt feel safe with someone running around fighting whoever-

And I know we love the romantic comic fantasy of "everybody can be a hero", and I swear I love it as much as you! But imagine ur just a normal person while spiderman is swinging above ur head- or even imagine ur spiderman- and then one tiny thing wents wrong. The normal person is crushed, dead or paralysed- Spiderman is in shock because that was Not supposed to happen and he is so so sorry!- But what now?

- If enhanced people were to work under an organisation (that is ideally not as shady and riddled with Hydra as Shield was) then those incidents would be covered. Yes it would still be terrible but Spiderman would get mandatory therapy session to work through it and the normal person... well if theyre dead then i guess the organisation would at least pay for the funeral and compensate the family (like if they were the only one providing for partner and kids), additionally a conversation between both partys if possible.

-Basically: nothing can be swept under the rug. The enhanced people can be protected!!! PLUS they only have to reveal their identity to the UN and not the world.

---------

Those with innate powers must submit to a power analysis, which will categorize their threat level and determine potential health risks.

- This would benefit the person with power too, you realize that, dont you?

You cant possibly know how much power you actually have. Is there gonna be another level-up for you? Are you Jean Grey? We wouldnt want to repeat that specific clusterfuck, right?

But if you submit to an analysis it can help find ways to train you, circle ur weaknesses, etc.

Yes the UN would know ur threat level- and that would be bad why? Are you planning to attack Them? If not then no problem. Instead they would know if they should send you in or not- depending... you dont need a level 5 when there is a cat in a tree. We want to avoid unnecessary damage, thank you. If ur a level 1 you also dont want to be on the front lines against an alien invasion for example- better help evacuate non-powered individuals and not die immediately.

- Also worth mentioning: this is all still part of the "if you agree to sign" paragraph

-------

Those with innate powers must also wear tracking bracelets at all times.

- Yes I admit this one sucks. I could argue the pros but I dont really want to because this one is literally just a "we want to control you" rule and should be scratched.

------- (new paragraph in the accords)----

Any enhanced individuals who sign are prohibited from taking action in any country other than their own, unless they are first given clearance by either that country's government or by a United Nations subcommittee.

- I really want to think I dont have to say anything here but I feel I do.

No I do not want a guy wearing an american flag running around in my country if my government didnt explicitely allow it. Same for a giant tin man or a creepy spiderlady.

- If anything then this paragraph would help improve the communication between countries. Yes people fear that in emergencies this will all take too long but 1) thats not the Accords fault and 2) I think we already have situations like this irl and most times it does work.

---------

Governments are forbidden from deploying enhanced individuals outside of their own national borders, unless those individuals are given clearance as described above. The same rule also applies to non-government organizations that operate on a global scale (including S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- Same reasoning. I really really dont want Shield around with their shady everything.

- And always needing consent before weaking havoc in other countries? nice

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who do not sign will not be allowed to take part in any police, military, or espionage activities, or to otherwise participate in any national or international conflict, even in their own country.

- Basically if you dont sign up then you cant be a super-cop. Groundbreaking.

(This is very much explained in the first paragraph already.)

----------

As a corollary, they will not be allowed to participate in any active missions undertaken by private or governmental law enforcement/military/intelligence organizations (such as S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers).

- s a m e t h i n g

--------(new paragraph)-----

Any enhanced individuals who use their powers to break the law (including those who take part in extralegal vigilante activities), or are otherwise deemed to be a threat to the safety of the general public, may be detained indefinitely without trial.

If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.

- Cancel the without trial part and then Id say its just. This way it stinks and I feel Ross had his hands in this. No, I am not defending this one. Its Not Okay.

------(new paragraph)-------

The use of technology to bestow individuals with innate superhuman capabilities is strictly regulated, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology (such as Asgardian and Chitauri weaponry).

- You cant just experient and turn urself into the Hulk anymore??? Where is the fun in that?? //sarcasm//

- I dont need to go deeper into this, do I?

-------

The creation of self-aware artificial intelligences is completely prohibited.

- Here comes a problem. For Tony mostly.

- I can think of a few reasons for this but I dont think many people are even capable of doing this. I think it would bd enough to file a request if you want to try and build an AI.

--------(new paragraph)----

The Avengers will no longer be a private organization and will operate under the supervision of the United Nations.

- See.. all of the above on why this is a good thing?

- The Avengers as a private organisation is actually a super scary thought. And if you arent at least a little freaked out about this (all from the point of looking at this as if it were real) then idk what to tell you.

---------(new paragraph)-------

For the purposes of the Accords, an "enhanced individual" is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities. This includes individuals whose powers are an innate function of their biology as well as individuals who utilize highly advanced technology to grant themselves superhuman capabilities. However, individuals with advanced prostheses do not seem to be considered "enhanced", even if their prostheses give them capabilities beyond those of ordinary humans. 

- Basically just explaining what they mean by "enhanced individual": people with powers. Doesnt matter if you are born with ur power or built urself a supersuit.

-If you got leg protheses that are super bouncy you arent considered an "enhanced individual" (to put it as simple as possible).

-----

All members of the Avengers are subject to the same conditions as enhanced individuals, even if they are not enhanced themselves: Black Widow was required to sign so she could continue serving on the Avengers, and Hawkeye was incarcerated on the Raft after violating the Accords.

- I think this is fair because if you consider urself an Avenger and fight with them then you also should be held accountable.

- You wouldnt want a Someone to work in super-person capacity which both gives a great deal of responsibility and allows a high chance of fuck ups and destruction without them having any regulations, okay?

AND THATS ALL THERE IS

THATS ALL THE MCU WIKI SAYS THERE IS

Which is ofc bullshit because the Accords were thick and 117 countries worked on them for idk how long. Do you understand what that takes? The compromises and politic battles thats been fought over this document?

And yes it is still not perfect.

But who in the seven Hells said that this was the final draft? Who??

"I dont wanna sign away my freedom of choice" F you! What about my freedom of choice of having some costumed weirdos run around my town blowing stuff up killing people?

"We cant save everyone" yEAH but maybe just mAyBe if you werent a dumb cunt then mayyybe with some teamwork with the countries respective secrurity personell (as every fucking country does have) then maybe Kyle, Maria and Dembe would still be alive?? Who knows.

So what I hear is "I dont wanna give up my freedom and continue to do as I see fit. Because I think I am a better judge than a UN committee and 117 governments that dont want me breaking into their countries on a semi-regular basis."

and thats why im generally pro-Accords :)

[ofjcsie]

werd. it meme, kayla, with yet another muse. this is my bad bitch josie, lets get to know her shall we

「 ISKRA LAWRENCE, CISFEMALE, TWENTY-FOUR, JESY NELSON. 」┈did you read that latest viral gossip issue on JOSIE PRYOR? she is the VOCALIST in ETHEREAL, one of my favorite POP groups. they’ve been releasing music for ONE YEAR now, but viral gossip has only been talking about them for the last YEAR. get this, i think i heard SHE MARRIED A STRANGER IN LAS VEGAS. they’re known as the THE CATACLYSMIC of the music industry, since they have a rep for being BENEVOLENT but TENACIOUS, but who knows. maybe that will change once they become #1.

firstly im gonna apologize if this is all over the place. im gonna try to organize it but i cant make any promises.

BASICS

full name is josephine iridessa pryor, but goes by josie for the most part

named after her maternal grandfather, joseph.

originally from tallahassee, florida. ur basic suburban middle class white family. one older sister. her mom owned her own bakery and her dad was a paralegal.

ex high school cheerleader

one tough cookie

AESTHETIC

leather jackets, skin tight jeans, fishnets, roses with the thorns still on the stem, red nail polish, fangs, messy hair, scars covered by tattoos, the moon at midnight, high heeled boots, dancing like nobody’s watching, and structured handbags.

HEADCANONS (?)

literally ppl are always like “josie can’t sing. she’s inconsistent.” or “she’s the ugly one” or rlly mean Ugly comments about her body and just general ugly body shaming. like she Knows she’s not the same size as her bandmates but like ???? she loves herself??? it took her a long time to get to this self love level and she loves her girls so she’s always telling people to fuck off

literally gets in trouble with management for telling body shamers in her comments or ppl that are generally rude to her and/or ethereal to fuck off. probably has blocked some accounts (even stan ones sdscdcs) like jesy has

cute but will 1000000000000% fight u if u make her mad, say bad things about ppl she cares about, or start body shaming

body posi, self love, and self care activist and supporter of the #metoo movement as it relates to her past

since her mom had a bakery, she worked there in hs and knows her way with cupcakes

hates wine & has never done hard drugs

i rlly cant stress enough how she will fight anyone and everyone for being an asshole

Straight (shes like my only straight character it’s Wild)

never had a serious relationship because she’s always been guarded but she has been in love, or at least thought it was love

curvy > plus sized bc she is by no means “plus” and knows this. by measurement/fashion standards she is between straight size and plus, so just go with curve/curvy

DETAILS (?)

TRIGGER WARNING FOR BODY/FAT SHAMING & SEXUAL ASSAULT:  josie’s curves developed faster than other girls her age, so even in like 6th grade ppl were calling her rlly ugly names because her hips had grown and saying things about her, even going as far as slut shaming and oversexualizing her developing body like gross. around this time someone she thought was a friend would repeatedly touch her without her permission (also she was like 13 and knew absolutely no better than ‘uh he’s my pal so i guess it’s alright if he touches between my legs when i dont want him to). it rlly tore her down and she felt like she was nothing. that low self esteem rlly followed her into high school. the bullying kinda morphed more into unwanted glares from boys, girls calling her a sl*t, and ppl just being generally mean because of her body shape. her sophomore year she tried out for the jv cheerleading squad bc she really just wanted to be involved and have school spirit, plus she had a friend who was doing it. things were rad, she made the team, all was good, she rlly liked it and even wanted to go out for varsity the next year. junior year came around and she was on jv again, but their coach ended up quitting so the trainer stepped in. he was nice to all the girls bc he’d known them and was working with them but rlly this was just grooming tbh, like he kinda made it seem like he was hte only one in their corner if they were having problems. she got a weird feeling from him but folks were just kinda like “eh you’re over-reacting, it was just a hug” but when they went away to cheer camp it was like damn what a change. he got a little bit violent and ut was just generally a Not Fun experience, like yelling at the girls and embarrassing them to the point where other coaches and such were like “uh he needs to chill tf out”. to make everything worse one of the nights he knocked on the door of the room josie was staying in, saying he wanted to talk to her, she let him in and long story short he got handsy. when she told school authorities what happened, it was her word against his, but after testimony from teammates about his behavior at camp and everything, the school gave him an ultimatum: resign or be fired and go to court.. lmao guess which he took. so basically he got away with molesting her and being an abusive bag of dicks. END OF TRIGGER

for a long time she blamed herself bc she thought she was too naive or maybe if she hadn’t opened the door, or it was all her fault and she let it happen. sometimes she still has self doubt moments where she thinks about “but what if....” or she says “at least it wasn’t as bad as...” she’s very passionate about the metoo movement tho, and abusers being held accountable for their actions (no matter their gender or sexuality)

she doesnt really talk about what happened in detail, but she has been vocal about the metoo movement and she stands with her #MeToo sisters because she’s been there

since cheer was like “aha nop never again” senior year she got involved in the drama club. she’d sang in church choir before, but nothing Super Serious. but the fall production of grease really caught her eye, so, she auditioned and voila, Sandy. 

after graduation, she started community college in musical theater, still working at the bakery but she fuckin wanted to leave florida (dont... we all??) so she used the money she saved from the bakery, bought a one way bus ticket, and ended up in austin texas... not exactly where she wanted to be, but it was out of florida.

she started singing at bars and trying to get involved with local small theater productions/companies, but that really just was not cutting it. so she asked her dad for some moolah and she moved to los angeles. for a long time she lived in a very very shitty apartment complex (if u rememerbr YEARS ago there was a show on the cw called the complex... it was about struggling young actors/musicians living in one place.. lowkey it was good but it got cancelled before season 2 wow shocker amirite) her agent was kinda bad, like joey’s from friends, but the one thing he got right was booking her an audition for a new girl group that a label was putting together. and boom, ethereal.

AS for the vegas thing lmAO.... i’ve been feeling like it was kind of recent. like, ethereal had already formed or was right at the beginning of the four girls coming together. (i still gotta work out those kinks) but essentially she went to vegas and on a Wild night, married a stranger. all she remembers from the memory clips are they met at the casino, there’s a chapel, back in her hotel room, a charge on her credit card for the honeymoon room service package, and the next morning she woke up alone in bed with a huge fuckin headache and a cheap ring on her finger. she was 22 and dumb. but aint we all?? she’s still technically married, but does NOT wear a ring or talk at all about having a husband because she doesnt know the dude. like literally can’t find him lmao, can’t find him to get that shit annulled or file for divorce. therefore, technically married.

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS

i dont have a Ton but some that i’d love to have established are a mentor (probably someone who is older or more accustomed to fame), a roommate or ex-roommate (could be multiple), a celebrity crush (again, probably more fmaous), someone she tells everything to (they’d probably know about the vegas thing and her history regarding sexual assualt)

other than that, hmu or like this if u wanna plot??? im down for anything????

[christaronthekindaauthor]

Rowan Dov was a well known name, well to be precise it was the name Do's that were well known, but the only the eldest daughter of the Dov household carried her own weight. The woman who saved her family's business from going under, the saviour, the miracle worker. Her father's industries were suffering huge losses, more expenditure was being felt and litttle to no revenues were being earned, The Dov industries, the giants in the economic market were on their last life, grasping for straws as the many factors in the business world seemed to overwhelm it.

That was until she came into play, with her mother's looks and brains and her father's cunning nature plus her own characteristics, Rowan who just finished her studies, for now that is, took over the industries and the tables turned drastically, the industries were rejuvenated, money begun to flow in and they were back like they never left.

But of course in the real world there is no sch things as miracles, the business world knew this and the inhabitants wanted to know how she did it. However Rowan never exposed how she did it, in fact her presence in the business world was so scarce that most people thought she was just a myth but were quickly corrected when they steeped on the wrong toes especially if they were Rowan's.

In one rare occasion Rowan seemed to be in a giving mood so she entertained the press and answered questions, but most of them were as shallow as a drying up puddle. Though one answer stood out.

"How were you able to bring the Do industries back to life." A reporter shouted from the back making the entire press conference grow hush as everyone wanted to know the answer every camera zoomed in on Rowan's cold brown eyes that seemed more of black than brown. Everything was quiet, all one could hear was the ticking of the clock which was the right side of the wall, the soft thumps of Rowan's pen that she was softly tapping on her table with and the heay breathes of some dude who sounded like he was dying.

If you had blinked you had missed it, and many cameras and people did, a smile domineering smile that apppeared as fast as it had disappeared on Rowan's face.

Ï just had to take care of some few rats." Was all she said before wrapping up the congress. Seconds after her reply, the crowd went wild with ''one last questions." and "what did you mean by that?" but it all fell on deaf ears as she stood up tall and gracefully left the room.

"Did you see that?" A reporter with the name tag Daffle asked her cameraperson who was trying to get one last short at the young elite.

"Huh?" Was her response to Daffle's question.

"That creeepy ass smile she had on her face." Daffle's replied trying to get the atttention of Miq.

"What smile?Rowan smiled? we gottta go through the footage! " Miq exclaimed.

"Calm down, it maybe a trick of the light." Daffle said to her excited friend who was starting to pack up.

"Yeah right! As if you are not Daffle who was blessed with the literal sight of the gods, I mean you can see even the microscopic details in any environment that are usually brushed off as nothing. No wonder you were a criminal eh reporter ? Is that what they are callled? Before you came over to the darkside." Miq replied.

"Geez you guys still call it that? Its so cringy." Daffle whined while following her cackling friend.

Later on they did discoer that they cptued Rowan's "smile" but when they published it, the picture was dismissed as photoshop. It seems that the public had an image of Rowan that they did not want to taint.

That was almost three years ago, threee years since Rowan broke into the busines world of course by her parents help, and secured her place in it, she was seated among the Big Five of the business world, things were now settled and if her calculations were correct she would have smooth sailing for the next five years, if everything and EVERYONE follows the business plan.

Things never go the way we want do they? No they do not and as much as Rowan, as a business woman, prides herself of being prepared for the unexpected she was not prepared for her fathers accouncement which he made uring the annual family dinner.

"Rowan honey! The elders have decided! You and Gabriel are getting married." Rowan can still remeber her drunk father's words and the "WHAT!" that all her siblings and mother repled with.

The elders were just the parents of the Big Five, stupid name if you asked her.

"You want US! To be asociated with their kind?!" Rowan's mother barked out while grabbing her hisband by his collar, her mother was a tall woman and although her father was also considred tall by societal standards, she still stood a head oer him her brown eyes nearly turning to brimstones at the words she just heard.

"Honeeeey! It good for her and us, look she's almost thirty her younger brother and sister are already married and can you imagine just how much more power the Do industries will obtain."

"But an arranged..." Her mother protests were cutt off by Rowan herself.

"Mum, he is right." She started while wiping the sides of her mouth with a napkin, after setting it dwon she continued.

"The Baim's have a great relationship with the West African countries which we do not but we need, by marrying Gabriel it is a great oppoutunity to expand our market over there, you know that they are had people to please especially when you have a woman leading your company."

The silence that took over the room was heavy and the atmosphere turned ice cold.

Rowan sighed, this always happens and she doesn not know why. Maybe it was her tone but whenever she spoke she could turn even the warmest savannah into a freaking tundra.

"See darling, she agrees." Her father said drunkenly in his wives arms.

"Of course she will agree you stupid man, she will do anything for this damn company even sell her freaking soul to the devil!" Her mother shouted.

In a weird way Rowan understood that her mother was telling her she does not have to do anything she does not want to, that warmed her heart.

"Honey you know that she is my daughter to right? As her father do you think that I would have agreed to thise with out taking her feelings into considerations?" Her father asked her mother tenderly, all booze out of his oice.

After a weird moment of her parents staring into eacch other eyes nearly making rainbows and flowers sprout out of thin air with the amount of warm emotions that evelopd the two of them, her mother released a sigh and gae in.

"Fine." She said shoving her husband away from her almost making him fall, and made her way back to her seat.

"But seriously dear the Baim's? Could'nt you at least picked the Faru's?" She asked.

" Do not worry my dear!" Her father replied, booze returning back into his oice.

"It is all accounted for in your husbands grand plan, you just sit back and relax." He sain seating back down while blowing a kiss to his wife.

Her siblings "dodged" the fling kiss with a disgusted look on their faces.

"EW!" They both said in unison, followed by laughs and giggles from their partners and children.

The rest of the dinner went on smoothly and arrangements were made leading to the pesent where Rowan is seated i her office with her parents and siblings waiting for the arrial of the Baim's. This was just an official meeting to recognize the marriage plans and if these damn people are late by one more second Rowan had the right mind to cancel the whle thing.

"If i am not mistaking Liam, but this meeting was supposed to start at eleven am right?" Rowan calmy asked her secretary.

"Yes Madam." Liam replied.

"What is the time right now Liam?" She asked

"Ita half past twelve." Liam replied, watching the calm facade of his boss. Her exterior was calm but the contionus tapping of her pen told him otherwie

This fuckers better hurry up or everyone will be having a bad week, Liam thought to himself gently clenching his ipad.

"Madam, the Baim's are here." the security from the ground flow buzzed.

The tapping stopped abruptly, Liam stepped back he sensed something was about to go down.

"Todd." Rowan started.

"Yes madam?" Todd replied eagerly awaiting his orders.

"It is a pity that the elevators do not work righ?" Rowan remarked

A second of silence was broken by Todd's rply.

"Yes Madam, they have not been working since morning but the problem is being fixed right now."

"Good Todd. Send them up please and tell thm to take their time." Rowan directed and switched off the buzzer after Todd's confirmation.

"That is a really bad habit." Her father pointed out, he was seated on her office couch his head on her mother's laps. With the sunglasses and the gentle massage by her mother to his temples assued her that he was nursing a hangover.

"Learned from the best" Rowan replied as she sunk back into her chair, closing her eyes her anger was sated. Just a little bit.

Thinking of turning it into a book.

[yamsfreckles-archive]

Omg I hope it’s not too personal to ask about ur experience leaving the Mormon church; I was going to an lds church for a hot second and just oh god no

Thank you so much for your patience with me taking so long to answer this! Moving is stressful af (Also I hope you don’t mind that I’m answering this publicly. I rarely talk about this huge part of my life, but I feel it’s important for others to know before making a decision on joining a religion)

I grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Usually called the LDS Church, or often just the “Mormon Church”). I was “born in the Covenant”, which is just a fancy way of saying my family was already members of the church when I was born. So basically, the mormon church and culture framed my Entire Life from the moment I was born until I officially resigned from the religion a year and a half ago. 

The core principal of mormanism is The Plan of Salvation - basically the idea that we were predestined in our pre-mortal lives to come to Earth and be tested, and if we remain faithful for our whole lives, when we die we will be exalted to the highest degree and have our family with us for all eternity. (Also there are three kingdoms of exaltation, and the highest one has three layers to it, and if you are in the highest layer of the highest kingdom then you actually get to create your own universe [if you’re a man] and become the God of that universe. If you’re a woman then your eternal duty is to bare children for your God-husband and populate that universe and never really be acknowledged lmao). Although that last fact isn’t super well known in the church doctrine. 

The mormon church follows the Bible like most Christian religions, but they also follow a separate book called “The Book of Mormon”, which the church authorities refer to as “the most correct of any book on Earth”. The Book of Mormon is all about how a righteous family left Jerusalem before it was destroyed and built a boat and sailed to the Americas where there was a war and half of the family descendants - the Lamanites - were evil and sought to bring down the kingdom of God, while the other half - the Nephites - were righteous to a fault. The Lamanites ended up getting struck with “blackness” for their sins so that they could be told apart from the white, and therefore good, Nephites. Church authorities in the past have claimed that the Lamanites were the direct ancestors of the Native Americans. Which is hugely racist and disgusting to say, because the book literally said that black skin would show “their abominations”. (But hey this church has been openly racist, sexist, and homophobic since its conception so big surprise there)

Anyway, there is a lot more doctrine and I could spend an eternity writing about it because it gets me so angry, but I feel this answer is already going to be fucking long enough so I’ll just leave those two points. Though if you want to know more about the church’s history with racism or sexism, let me know!

So like I said, I was born into this church and I was baptised at eight years old (the age of accountability) to become an official member of the church. I was completely in love with the church. It gave me purpose and friends. If you live in Utah or Idaho, Mormonism is the primary religion and you can’t go two blocks without seeing a church building.

When I got to high school I attended Seminary every day (basically church school for teens) and my senior year I was actually on the seminary council - a group of kids who got their kicks because they were the most righteous. That was the year I started to doubt, and doubt hard. Everything on the surface of the church seemed good and nice, but there were little things here and there that bothered me. I was told to “doubt my doubts before I doubted my faith” and that if I sought the Lord in sincere prayer, that he would answer me and I would know for sure the church was true. 

And I did pray. I prayed and fasted and did everything I could. I read my scriptures and attended church and did the best I could in my church callings. I never received an answer. And of course that made me feel like I wasn’t trying hard enough. So I doubled my efforts and ended up having a nervous breakdown because I was a doubter and God didn’t want to speak to me because of that. 

Around this same time I was also starting to come to terms with my sexuality which only made me feel worse about the whole thing, because homosexuality is a sin in mormonism, as it is in most major Christian religions.

Finally after a full year of radio silence from God despite my best efforts and humbling myself and truly wanting an answer, I started to research on my own. If God wasn’t going to give me the answers I needed, then I was going to find them for myself. And thanks to my research, I came to the conclusion that none of it was true. Which makes it sound like an easy process, but it took a long time and it emotionally hurt me reading so many contradictory things. Because I had truly loved the church. When I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t true, I honestly felt like a part of me had died.

After my revelation I went away to college and cut myself off from the church. I made some amazing friends who helped me realize how awesome being gay is, and that no religion can determine my worth. But I still felt the loss of the church and ended up in a huge depressive episode that ultimately made me drop out of college. I’m still trying to pick up the pieces of my life and consolidate everything I know with my relationships with my loved ones who still believe. The guilt-trips I got from family and “friends” when I stopped going to church were insane.

And then a new policy was released in November of 2016 stating that if a child of a gay couple wanted to join the church, they could not be baptised until they were 18, and they had to publicly disavow their parents’ lifestyle before they would be allowed to join the church. The church was literally making children turn on their loving parents to join a church. The effects of this policy were horrendous. There was a spike in Utah lgbt teen suicides as a result. I was horrified and disgusted, and that’s when I decided that, even though I hadn’t been to church in years and that I knew it was absolute garbage, I could not have my name tied in any way to this organization. So I drafted a formal resignation letter to send to the church administration building and demanded that they take my name off their membership records. 

I’m still facing repercussions for that decision from family members. To a lot of them, it’s like I’ve died. Because to resign from the church means you cancel all the effects of baptism and any saving ordinance you received while a member. Meaning, I won’t be exalted and I won’t be with my family forever when I die. And even though I know it’s not true, it was such a huge aspect of my life and personality from the day I was born, that I’ve struggled having an identity since I left. Having a spiritual crisis seems like an easy thing on paper, but it is so much more complex than a lot people make it out to be. Right now I don’t have the ability to see a future for myself where I am finally done being affected by mormonism, but every day I get a step closer if that makes sense.

This answer has been long enough, so I didn’t have a chance to touch on the abuses within the church, gaslighting, magical underwear, how the church is actively covering up and excusing sexual assault, how children as young as 12 are subjected to private worthiness interviews where sexually explicit questions may be asked by an adult man, how the first Prophet of the church who “translated” the Book of Mormon was a treasure hunter who had multiple wives and married girls as young as 14 years old, or eternal polygamy (not the same as polyamory which I fully support mind you). Plus much much more. My research was extensive.

But hopefully that gives you a “brief” explanation of my experience escaping from the mormon cult.

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:27 10/01/2021 so. yes hello . i have corona looool. its not funny but it kinda is. a lot has changed since the last time i wrote and yet nothing at all has happened. its 2021 lol. its just 2020 pt 2 tho. crazy shit. i feel fine tho i dont feel ill at all. im currently looking at some art that i like and trying to find more since i wanna make a collage on my wall or something. ive always wanted a room that just feels like ME ya know. i always felt like my room didnt really show who i was because i tend to live in my head. like all of me is in my noggin instead of showing who i am through the way i dress/how my room looks/personalised things like my phone and stuff . like its never really shown what im like probably because i dont really know who i am. that feels weird to say because of course i know who i am. its a me. mario. no. lol. i really want to get into tailoring my life to ME rather than just existing ya know. like i feel as though theres no point doing anything like expressing myself because ill just end up being not bothered to finish something or ill end up not liking it so ive wasted my time. but u know what. fuck it. i wanna do thinks like that and maybe one day ill look back at when i started doing this and thank myself. thats got to be worth more than the feeling of disappointment of wasting ur time for something u dont like. coz if its not better then thats not fair. i was contemplating whether or not to actually continue this because its cringe and i dont want anyone to ever find this because i hate people knowing more about me than i let them. you only ever get to know the me i want you to. lol. i exist on my conditions. i should really put this somewhere else than on a notepad on my laptop. maybe i should create a tumblr account and upload these coz i think i could access it more privately than this. the more i think about it the better of an idea this is. i still like writing on this notepad because its familiar and allows for more expression i think . because i can make as many spelling mistakes as i want and no one can correct me. haagaHHghvsqhdbjsnbsd. anyways what was i talking about. ah yes self expression. i think ive been struggling with this because i dont like boxing myself in. and i especially hate when other people box me in . :((((((( makes me mad >:[ hehehheh anyway i have the first day of online school tomorrow ... which... yeah sucks. but i dont even know if half my teachers are actually doing it lol. i hope prelims get cancelled because i mean the exams are so why shouldnt prelims be. the thing is that i struggle with motivation so much. and its not even like "i dont want to start this massive project because it will take a lot of time and energy" its more "i cant pick up that book that is within arms reach even though i quite like the idea of reading right now and wouldnt mind getting a bit of progress done i just physically cant put my phone down and pick that up because my brain doesnt want to even though.. it does????" man am i bad at explaining. anyway i was saying that because even though i knowwww i shouldve been studying the past two weeks the only thing ive done is like.. look at some spanish and thought about things i can do in my own time to help that. but the thing is i enjoy spanish for the most part so like,,, with me enjoying the subject, wanting to learn it, and going to fking uni for it, all ive done is 20 minutes of spur of the moment writing lmao. so chemistry and maths are fked. coz i dislike chem especially. fuck that shit lol. i feel very trapped in my own head but i feel like im doing that becauese ive learned to do that for so long. its weird existing to other people especially when u didnt feel like u existed to yourself for a long time. like as though ehdjsb jhbwalkjkjbf i dont know what im saying. oh yeah the minecraft end poem almost made me cry again. im gonna read it again because i just reminded myself and im gonna come back and tell u my fave. why am i speaking to you as though u are real. like ur a person. maybe ill keep doing that. what do u think. anyway brb wait im gonna play minecarft music while i read it and maybe i can cry. "i like this player. it played well. it did not give up" "this player dreamed of sunlight and trees. of fire and water. it dreamed it created. and it dreamed it destroyed. it dreamed it hunted, and was hunted. it dreamed of shelter." "does it know we love it? that the universe is kind?" "to cure it of sorrow would destroy it. the sorrow is part of its own private task" "to tell them how to live is to prevent them living" "take a breath, now. take another. feel air in your lungs. let your limbs return. yes, move your fingers. have a body again, under gravity, in air. respawn in the long dream. there you are. your body is touching the universe again at every point, as though you were separate things. as though we were separate things" "and why does the universe touch your skin, and throw light on you? to see you, player. to know you. and to be known." "and the universe said i love you - and the universe said you have played the game well - and the universe said everything you need is within you - and the universe said you are stronger than you know - and the universe said you are the daylight - and the universe said you are the night - and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you - and the universe said the light you seek is within you - and the universe said you are not alone - and the universe said you are not sepsrate from every other thing - and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code - and the universe said i love you because you are love" *sobs* " and the player was the universe. and the player was love. you are the player. wake up." how was i supposed to be okay after reading that huh. honestly tho i live minecraft like its such a beautiful game i cant believe i used to be ashamed to admit i played it :/ . in the middle of that i created a tumblr account coz i got sidetracked but its good to know that tumblr doesnt have a character limit that im aware of. anyway i know thats a lot of quotes its like almost half of the entire poem but like. its beautiful tho. its really grounding and like validating? to hear some of that idk. the universe is actually fking mental tho lol and i love learning about it i think thats one of the reasons i did so well in physics is that is taking something so entirely complex and crazy into math and reason and logic so i can at least understand a little about the universe. i can know it back. maybe i am the universe. and really were just understanding ourselves. getting to know who we are and where we all came from. i think thats lovely since some people (inc me) dont really know who they are or what theyre supposed to be so its comforting to know that at the very least we are all made from atoms and we were all forged from the same galaxy and that we are a part of the universe, part of something important just by existing. that we dont have to be special or unique by anyone's standards because we are formed in the same way stars are, were all just a collection of atoms, arranged to make up something incredible, and the fact that we can understand that shows how remarkable we are just by existing. like thats it. we are amazing just because we exist at the same time as the universe, that we are the universe. and so yes physics is "just maths" but maths is a tool to explain how phenomenal our exitance actually is. yeah. wow. ok imma go watch youtube or something now. bye bye. also notice how there was like an almost 3 month gap in between writing these. yeah.

[latina4rmbx]

You’ll Always be my Baby

Ladies:  By a show of hands, how many of you have had sex with your partner because you needed to feel a connection after a rough patch?

Ok, lets pretend I can see those hands :)  i’m sure a good majority of you have. I know I have.

Men:  Same question-Show of hands, sex, partner, rough patch?

We’re still pretending I can see those hands.  I’m sure maybe one has his hand up, and that’s IF he’s the only one brave enough to be honest.

My boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch.  Thankfully, it didn’t last long.  As you may or may not know, I am in an open relationship.  My boyfriend and I have been going through something.  At first it was him and then it was me, but it was over the same person.

If you haven’t read “An Abundance of Love & a Broken Heart,” I suggest you do so now.  

Finished?  Cool.

So, the guy who my boyfriend was so gung ho over, is still in my life.  Our lives. I wrote in the post that we were supposed to go out on Saturday, but that didn’t come to pass.  Circumstances were that he hand to cancel.  It bummed me out, but I understood, I too have been in the same circumstances.  Oh, but my boyfriend had a shit fit.  Boyfriend said that new guy was making excuses and I shouldn’t bother with him anymore.

Now mind you, you saw how I was feeling about the whole thing to begin with.  I like new guy.  I have always liked new guy (and if I said this already, well, I’m repeating it because it’s the truth).  Because I liked new guy, I was different with him, when it came to my boyfriend, than I have ever been with anyone else.  I was more private.  I even told my boyfriend that I was protective of the new guy.  It’s the truth, I am protective over him, because he IS a good guy.

So I allowed myself to ignore my boyfriend when it came to new guy.  That wasn’t fair to my boyfriend.  He definitely made his feelings known.

In order to make an open relationship work, there has to be honesty.  You have to be honest, even if it hurts the other person.  We have to keep the lines of communication open so that the person you’re pledging to be in the relationship with doesn’t feel insecure or unwanted.

The first time I was going to hang out with new guy, I told my boyfriend when I was outside waiting for the Uber to take me to my destination.  I didn’t let my boyfriend know ahead of time and that pissed him off.  So he had a series of questions for me:  The first of which was, “did you hit him?”  For those of you not in the know, when he says “hit,” he means contact.  He’s ghetto from the Bronx, it’s how we speak.

Here is the conversation, via text, thankfully.  It’s very revealing:

BF: I don’t understand. I thought we spoke about him

ME:  What did we speak about him?  (Me playing dumb)

BF:  Nevermind. Did you hit him

ME:  Yeah

BF:  Didn’t I tell u  Not to  Unless he hit you? Hello

ME: Yes you did

BF: Soooo

ME: Sooo

BF: You horny

ME:  I’m curious

BF:  Hmmmmm  Aight

ME:  You’re upset

BF:  No

ME: You are

BF: Enjoy ur night

ME:  First time I don’t listen

BF:  Keep me posted

ME: See what I mean

BF:  I see.  t’s going to be a trend

ME:  A trend?

BF (via voice note): If you ain’t hit him up he probably wouldn’t have fucking hit you up  that’s why I tell you value yourself don’t hit a fuckin’ nigga up unless they hit you up.

I’m going to fast forward a bit because rereading and rehearing it is pissing me off.

BF:  Ima ask u again  Are u horny

ME:  I answered u already

BF:  Fuck curious Yes or no

ME:  You know I won’t lie

BF:  Yes or no

ME: Yes

BF:  Was that hard 

ME: Why do you ask?

BF: wanted to know

ME: for what purpose?

Again I’m fast forwarding because the other crap is boring and more of the same.

BF:  You staying in his crib

ME:  I don’t plan to

BF:  Ima see u when I get off work

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  You got sexy panties

BF: on

ME: No

ME: Polka dots lol

BF:  Male face palm emoji

BF: Have fun

ME: ok

BF: Suck a mean dick

ME: laughing tears emoji

At this point I’m in the new guys apartment.  We’re sitting drinking and talking.  My boyfriend was not having it and he was texting me.  I told him I was going to leave my phone in my bag so if I didn’t contact him quickly he knew why.  That didn’t go over well.

BF:  Walk yourself out

ME: What the fuck

BF: Stay focused.  your mine  (that’s not a type o, it’s what he wrote.  I love that he spelled it wrong because he knows the right way to spell it.  that’s how annoyed with me he was).

We weren’t good after that night.  There was a series of events that led us to not being good.  I take responsibility for my fault in the situation.  He still hasn’t.  He let me have it, in his own way.  I wasn’t able to respond to his messages because I was driving.  That didn’t sit too well with him because he thought I was ignoring him, yet again.  Even worse, he thought I was ignoring him for the new guy.

So now, every time I take long to respond, he thinks I’m texting with the new guy.  The WYD’s are more frequent.  Like I said, I’m honest, so I’m not going to lie to him, but I don’t want to hurt him again.  It doesn’t mean I’m going to lie.  I can’t stand lies.  Anything I post on social media now gets questioned because he thinks I’m trying to sub him (for those of you that don’t know what the term “subbing” is, it’s when you add a post and it’s supposed to be a subliminal message to someone.)

Here’s one such conversation:

BF:  The whole time u ignoring my text were u texting?

ME: No

BF:  U can be honest

ME: why u keep asking me that

BF: if u were 

ME: I would be honest

This is a huge shift from the confident, swaggerastic man I started with.

BF:  take me back to the night we met para no ir.  Interesting (para no ir means so I won’t go)

ME: Y vas a seguir (and you’re going to continue)

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  Love me?  u haven’t told me all day

ME: I do love you

BF: Even though i had to ask  to tell me, not like it came out natural

FAST FORWARD AGAIN

BF:  Is he taking my number 1 slot.

He asked me to do something.  Block someone on social.  Now, mind you, I don’t personally know the person he told me to block.  When he said it, it was almost as if he had a remote control and I just did it.  I didn’t think about it or fight back.  Then I realized where the issue was.  He feels he was losing control over me.  I told him:  You are spoiled.  I do give you everything you ask with barely any fight.  HIM:  and that’s my obsession with u.  never been catered (he’s never been catered to)  

Ok, I ended up seeing the new guy again and became distant with my boyfriend again.  I know that I brought this one on myself.  He face timed me and I hung up.  I wasn’t thinking clearly, he literally woke me up and I couldn’t figure out my phone.  Believe me if you want, don’t, if you don’t.  But it pissed him off so much he laughed.  He laughed hard and then became silent.  I don’t like the silent boyfriend.  I need to hear his voice, see his words, know what he’s thinking.  I am also obsessed with him.

I think he thought he was losing me.  He came to see me and he made love to me.  He held me and he kissed me and he looked at me.  Almost as if he were searching for the person he fell in love with.  I’m still in there.  I’m still here.

So, we finally move passed all of our drama and this is our conversation:

ME:  I have way more than your attention sir (winks face emoji)

HIM:  Def do (he sends a video - I forget of what then he says)  I haven’t been hurt in a very long time and your innocent body did just that so u powerful.

I won’t be typing anymore of our conversations, at least on this post, because we have a lot of text convo. Either because I’m at work or he’s at work.  We can’t just speak freely and due to his odd hours, we don’t see each other often, so this bickering between us really put a damper on our relationship.  But his silence...that was something I couldn’t accept.  I needed to know how he was feeling.  I need to know that we are ok.  I needed to make things right.

But I messed up again.  New guy spent the night at my apt and I didn’t contact my boyfriend at all.  This is when he FT’d me in the AM and I hung up on him.  I had a long drive ahead of me, so I was able to get some things off my chest.  I took responsibility for my actions.  I KNOW I was hurting him, but I wasn’t doing it TO hurt him.  I was giving the new guy my undivided attention.  

I explained to my boyfriend that I knew I fucked up and I’m holding myself accountable.  He accused me of justifying my actions by saying I fucked up.  I’ve apologized and elaborated and asked that we move on from this.  However, like a hurt housewife, he has brought it up.  My go to response is to lash out.  “Are we moving passed it?  Are you forgiving me? If it’s no, I need to know so I know how to proceed, but if it’s yes, I don’t want to hear about it again.”

Saying those words to him gave me flashbacks to when I was with my daughters father and I found out he was cheating.  I would always take him back due to my immaturity level and pride.  I would eventually bring up the other women and he’d say the same thing, “If we’re moving passed it, stop bringing it up.”  I felt so bad because I remember how I felt when I heard those words.

I understand that he is hurting and he needs to get it out in the only way he knows how...communication.  I don’t mean to be dismissive of his feelings.  He doesn’t deserve that.  I want him to be himself again.  I want him to love and trust and feel secure with us again.  

Today was a good day.  He’s the one who suggested I write this post.  I told him that I write about him often and he suggested, “you write about when you hurt me.”  I even asked him for help starting it.  BTW, I didn’t start it the way he wanted me to, but i will finish it the way he wanted me to start it.

“So as much as I’m hooked to his swag when I’m around other men I seem to float and (be) careless and enjoy the moment.  Taking it all in.  Having to deal with the consequences later.  Which later u regret of course but at the end, he still wins my heart and love.”

Hey!  I love you with all my butt.

XOXO

Thanks for reading.

[better-every-minute]

Passive income

active income is bs and jobs are bs and if theres a system i can learn and use to my advantage, provided i dont fuck over other people, then fuck yea im going to learn it and use it. Ive known since i was a child that the idea of selling a third of ur life to survive is stupid and that i wanted to reach a point where the income that came from preestablished sources would overcome the amount of expenses for the same period of time. Aka, ‘escaping the rat race’ :/. my spite for the term and for the topic aside, i promised myself to start early, and like everything i should do and i make promises to myself about, im Still at square fucking 0. Today im gonna talk about that. Bc its a pain to handwrite about and i still havent established a better way to type stuff to myself online, so fuck it, this tumblr it is.

Im going to classify the types of passive income, or rather, its sources, into 2 categories: A) The kind that take large amounts of time, rather than money. This would account for stuff like content creation, where, materials/resources aside, it takes time and effort to create content and market it, but afterwards, it keeps generating passive income. B) The kind that takes large amounts of money, rather than time. This doesn’t mean you *spend* money to create. Unlike time, which cant be taken back, and can only be lost permanently, money can be withdrawn back. Not only that, but, its not so much that you spend money to make money, but rather that youre putting your money *on hold*, and generating an extra income at the cost of not having those funds immediately available on your person. These still require time to come into effect, in the sense that you are to wait for periods of time until you can recieve the bonus yields, but dont require you to spend (a lot of) time and effort into activating these sources of passive income. Instead, you’re required to have large sums of money to put down, as the yield is calculated as a percentage of those funds. Now guess what; Im fucking broke, i have no money to do B). But also, im terrible at making and marketing content, so A) is not super dandy-looking either. Still, I plan on doing some of both, somehow. I am realistic enough to understand i need active income, at least to get the ball rolling. Heck, just to survive even. But i do need a great source of initial income to 1) gtfo of here, and 2) Start making $ passively, and increasing that amount slowly. I plan on not really staying still, at least for the foreseeable future, so my sources, passive and active, must be things i can do remotely, as a digital nomad.

My active income plan mainly consists on getting some initial dependency job somehow, if possible, and meanwhile, to start taking freelancing jobs, be it data entry, translation, product testing(website/app) or whatever im deemed able to do. Eventually, this would allow me to just fly the fuck off and keep working and making enough money to not die. My strategy, predictably, will put a heavy emphasis on spending as little money as possible, extensively researching ways to make things cheaper or to get money back. That way the amount of funding that can be invested is larger. If i can leave this place and couch surf a bunch at friends’ houses all over, even better tbh. As for passive income, since active social media content creation is off the table, im mainly going to focus on the B) category, finding ways to make every penny i hold attract more of its kind, while making everything else cheaper along the way. For this, im relying on a couple things: - High yield FCIs or similar financial objects where the idea is to lend your money and get a little extra at the end of the time period. - Automated trading; both as in copytrading, but also on developing a stable strategy for unstable financial objects, and then simply scripting the strategy into code, so it’ll be performed 24/7. These strategies Must be always profitable, or else i risk losing everything to a stupid bot i coded myself. - Holding my funds (the more, uh, liquid kind) in staking accounts and other similar virtual that reward you for holding money through their platform. - Lastly, I do plan on building things if possible, and figuring some way to make it available but also making an income out of it. I’ve always wanted to make a couple android apps, maybe write some stupid ebook or whatever. Moreover, I’m sure with enough research i can find ways to code things up that automate stuff that make a little money on the side. Or at least code things that make my job easier during ‘active’ work. Automate website testing, Automate data entry, etc. We’ll see. Rn im looking into tutorials for python+selenium, and trying to learn how to use Binance’s API. The idea is to automate the trading strategy so i no longer have to manually do the same thing over and over, since it really only works if you can constantly do it, and thats a bot’s job, not a sleeping, eating, living human’s. The strategy itself is fairly straight forward. It relies on cryptocurrency and other assets’ high volatility. Because their value range is constantly moving up and down to no end, their prices might stay the same overnight, or even rise by the thousands, but within that same day the price might have risen and dropped by 10% before ending in the same place it began. The idea is to simply put buy and sell limit orders at 0.5% amounts away of the market price. When it drops .5%, it buys a certain amount. When it rises 1% from that point, it triggers the second order, and sells the amount it just bought. Conversely, if it rises first and drops later, it simply sells and buys the same amount, the only thing that changes is the extra profit will be in the secondary currency. Since the difference in the orders is in a 1% total price, that means that, excluding fees, the profit is 1% of whatever money you put down for both orders. That is to say, If you want to make 1 dolar, you need $200, and to place 100 to buy, and 100 to sell. So really, you’re making .5% of whatever amount you put down. With leverage tools though, I could expand this percentage, but for that i want to do proper, extensive research on how it works, let alone learn how to automate it too. The point is, because the price of certain assets varies *so much* and So *Often*, these things that make it worthless and unstable for most functions make it great for this type of trading. Note that i dont need to predict a spike or a surge or drop or anything like that. I predict nothing, all i expect, is that the price keeps ranging up and down the way it always does. And if it doesnt, say, if it only goes up and doesnt ever revisit the buy order, then i dont *lose* anything. All i have to do is cancel that order, and start again at the current price.There’d be a little loss between what i payed to buy last, and what i’ll pay to sell this time, but its unsubstantial compared to the amount of times it worked fine and the amount of money it made in its course. Nowadays, btw, 1% of a bitcoin is about ~$100. Assuming 2 bitcoins worth of funding, youd be making $100 every time both orders are fulfilled, which can be anywhere from once a week to multiple times a day. Exciting, right? If you have $200, then you’d be making $1. This also means that if you have 2 BTC, then every time the whole process gets completed, your profit per full movement increases by $1. Aint that cool. Rn I’m gonna research more on how to work the binance api, as well as learn more about supported crypto exchanges and staking wallets. See ya whenever.

[batchaoticcollectionnight-blog]

auto insurance quotes united states

"auto insurance quotes united states

auto insurance quotes united states

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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auto insurance quotes united states

auto insurance quotes united states

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auto insurance quotes united states

auto insurance quotes united states

Car insurance helP?

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My friend had his car stolen two years ago, and so he claimed on his insurance. After paying his excess, he received payment from his insurance company. Last week, his car was recovered. What happens with the car now? Will the insurance company keep it/sell it to cover what they paid out? Will it be returned to him?""

Car Insurance Question..?

I don't have car insurance, but I have a driver's license. I am 16 years old living in Arkansas and I don't drive much. My parents have insurance and when they added me to the policy (of 2 cars), it went from $150 a month to $350, which we can't afford. We cancelled that insurance (with geico) and now have esurance, where my parents pay $135 monthly (with the same coverage), without me added. Should I be added on the policy, even though I don't drive much? If I'm driving and get in an accident, can I say that I was just burrowing my dad's car? Will I be covered under him then? (since i don't have my own car) I am confused. How does this work? thanks""

Car insurance in Florida?

Do i need to have a Florida license in order to have car insurance for a car registered in Florida?

What are the contents of an insurance premium?

What are the contents of an insurance premium?

Is MetLife auto insurance any good?

I qualify for Metlife group auto insurance from my employer and thinking about switching to it.

How much would insurance cost for a 16 year old male for a 2006 corvette that is used and cost 15000?

the person has never had any tickets or got into any trouble ever.

Name of the Insurance Company?

Orange and Halifax insure phones/laptops ect... However who is the actual company who the insurance is ? I mean it is Orange and Halifax but who is the real insurance from who take the commission or what ever it is.

Car audio mod......insurance company?

i recntly bought a subwoofer and amp for my car do i need to let the insurance company know its worth around 60

Will tint ticket show up on insurance? not talking about increasing rate?

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Buying a Motorcycle and taking it to California?

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What is the most quality/cheapest insurance to get for a car in the US?

Like for someone in their mid 20s

""Any companies you would recommend for cheaper car insurance rates (in Ontario, Canada)?

I've been calling around some of the major companies and the quoted rates have been sky high despite my spotless record. Maybe there's some hidden gem companies out there? I hope!

Car insurance want to know the outcome of trial?

So 2 years ago I won a court case against someone who crashed into me. They Never Never helped me in court at all. I didnt even get to use it After the car crash since the other person insurance expired. Anyway they now sent a paper asking What happened in the case.why?. What can they gain from it? And further more I am not in that car insurance anymore. I haven't been for months.

How much is your liability car insurance?

price per month? your age? your state? car year and model?

What happens to my insurance premium if I stop owning a car for a period of time?

Does it affect my no claims bonus if I already have 6+ years no claims?

Cheapest insurance company for young drivers?

Just wondering what the cheapest place for a young driver to get insurered is from people's experience, thank you""

Buying GAP insurance after an accident?

I had an accident of my financed car back in May, however I don't have any GAP insurance and I am worried that the insurance company will write my car off. If I buy GAP insurance now will they cover me for my accident back in May? The insurance company are taking forever and a day to sort it out and they haven't even looked at the damage to my car yet, I have only sent pictures as I am awaiting liability from the third party. Thanks""

""I have asthma and lost my insurance, help?

I live with my family an was fully covered on their MEDICAL. Recently I was put on share of cost and cant afford the deductable but I have asthma and can hardly walk a few blocks ...show more

How much will my insurance go up with 2 points on my record with allstate? im 21 yrs old.?

How much will my insurance go up with 2 points on my record with allstate? im 21 yrs old.?

Will My Car Insurance Go Up?

I was Driving down a road going about 35-40 mph. ( Speed Limit was 45 mph ) I was going straight, and this woman coming the opposite direction decides to turn into a cut out, that goes into a shopping center, and as she turns in to the cut out she just keeps going, out into the street I slam as hard as I could, on my brakes but I still hit her, I hit her on the passengers side in between the 2 doors. There were 2 witnesses that I have never seen before in my life that witnessed it. I have back, and neck problems had someone call an ambulance because the pain was a lot worse. They took a CT SCAN and said nothing was wrong. My Neck and back is still hurting me a lot more, from the accident, I have too wear a sling on my left arm / shoulder because of the force of the seat belt. My nose is swollen do to the impact of the air bags, also affected my neck, and head pain. I have marks on my right arm, and stomach from this. Now the air bag deployed in my truck, and all of the air bags deployed in her car. My Truck looks like it will probably be totaled the bumper is ruined, the hood is ruined, the headlight is broken, The door I had to practically pry open because it was stuck, Smoke started coming out of the truck headlight broken Paint, I think the radiator broke, etc.... etc... Both Vehicles had to be towed away. I have good insurance on our cars, but since this isn't my fault the other woman's insurance will have to pay my medical bills, and to fix my truck, or give me blue book value on it right? I am 20 years old, I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. My insurance is Allstate, and the Other Woman's insurance is allstate also. I will be getting a lawyer.""

auto insurance quotes united states

auto insurance quotes united states

My teenage sons car insurance premium?

i did a quote and the cheapest is 6334? how can they charge so much, his friend got a quote on a similar car for 854? any tips?""

What about your Gas Millage and Insurance on the 2006 Toyota Prius?

I Have a new Prius with about 4000 miles. I get 44-45 miles/Gal What do you get, What is your insurance rate for 6 Month. I have a friend who say she has driven 30 miles at 70 mph on the electric motor after running out of gas. What About this ??? Can that be done""

Who has the cheapest home insurance policies in California?

Time to renew and I need to start shopping around.

New Car with Hail Damage - Insurance?

I am looking at buying a new car that has minimal hail damage to the bonnet and roof. About 10 tic tac sized dents all up, extremely hard to see. They are discounting it heavily and I really like the car but when I rang up the insurance company today they said they will not insure it. Does anyone know any companies that will insure a BRAND NEW minimally HAIL DAMAGED CAR? (Melbourne, Victoria, Australia)""

Can i put my parents on my medical insurance at work .?

what would i have to do to qualify them to be added to my insurance.

What is the cheapest car insurance company?

What is the cheapest car insurance company?

What is the average cost of home owners insurance in texas?

what is the average cost of home owners insurance in texas? we are thinking of buying a house but all the morgage calculators have a space to add home owners insurance in to the monthly payment. I need to get a rough estimate of the price range of a house we could afford i know we cant afford much so it would not be for a house more than $100,000 for sureso not a big fancy just a basic 3 or 4 bedroom house. please give me an estimate i know it depends on the house locatoin and all that but I am completely clueless as to if it adds $10 or $100 or $300""

What is the average cost in california for a 600cc motorcycle insurance as first vehicle(18 year old)?

Im trying to figure out how much im going to pay for 600cc motorcycle insurance(minimum insurance not full cover).i am 18 years old and it is going to be my first vehicle.

Does AAA charge more for tow insurance if you have old heaps for cars?

For years I have frowned upon this service. But now considering it since our cars are getting old. 100K+ miles each. About how much does this cost a year? And do you have to pay a deductible, or do they cover the entire tow? Still don't know if I should break down and consider a service like this. (I'm anti extra insurance on anything) I think Geico (my ins co.) has coverage for this also""

How much information can car insurance companies see when you get a quote?

I let my car insurance lapse about a year ago and have been driving without it (I know, not good) and my girlfriends dad is an agent here in ohio. he asked to quote and i gave him my information... can he see that i dont have insurance? what about my credit report?""

Can insurance find out you have a license if you don't tell them about it?

hey guys, i'm about to get my license but before i do i was wondering:can the insurance company find out if you get your license without you telling them and jack up your rates? the reason i ask is because i'm not interested in getting insurance for myself at the moment i just wanted to get the test out of the way.""

Proof of car insurance?

I live in Massachusetts, and I have proof of insurance on my registration. There isn't a separate insurance card - but if for some reason I am pulled over out of state, this should be be enough, right? Does anyone have any experience with this?""

Medical Malpractice insurance..?

Im wanting to start a nursing agency in the near future and require the appropriate insurance in order to do so. I have a quote for Professional Indemnity and Employers Liability through HISCOX. I dont seem to be able to locate a broker who can provide Medical Malpractice/Negligence cover. Can anyone help me out??

Meeting deductibles on health insurance?

okay so i am looking at the blue cross blue shield family plan in texas and for us three it costs $164 a month with a $2500 deductibile and then they pay 80% of the costs. So my question is, what does the deductible mean? sorry i come from free healthcare in the UK so I'm not used to paying for medical insurance. How does one meet a $2500 deductible before the insurance company can start paying for the rest of the medical stuff?? Is it met by constant hospital visits? doc visits? constant lab and xray tests?""

How much does your insurance go up after you have caused an accident?

I was in a car accident on Jan. 16th (yes, my fault!) and my car was totalled. I am buying a new car and need to know by about how much my insurance will go up. It was $270 a month (full coverage) before. I am 19, by the way. The car I am (hopefully!) buying is a 2000 Ford Mustang.""

Massachusetts car insurance?

I recently heard that MA IS allowing competition with car insurance companies.. YAY! However, Geico and Allstate still don't provide insurance in the state. Progressive DOES. Does anyone else know of some GOOD, reputable (car) insurance companies in MA? THANKS! :-)""

Car Insurance???

Can anyone advice me what is 1st, 2nd and 3rd party insurance? and what is the different between the 3 of it.""

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

How can I save money on my car insurance?

I'm a young driver who's only just passed. Is it OK to put my Dad as the main driver when in reality I will be driving the car most of the time? I heard it's cheaper that way. Also I know Pass Plus can decrease it. Does putting it in a garage and having good security decrease it? What other things can I do to save - the cheapest quote so far I found is 1,600!""

Can you give me an estimate of how much car insurance would be.......?

lets say a guy under 30 in california with a 2002 BMW 325i sedan how much would insurance be?

Best health insurance for bariatric surgery?

I live in Florida and am trying to have bariatric surgery. What company's will pay for the surgery in Florida?

Can I be put under my dads car insurance?

I am an independent full time student. I live in my own apartment and I work full time. Currently I pay for my own car insurance and being that I am 19 years old, it is through the roof($170 a month). I have a perfect driving record. I live in Virginia and my dad lives in Alabama. Is it possible that I can be put on his car insurance to save money? I am buying a new car soon and I need to upgrade to full coverage, which is around $230 a month, which is higher then the car payment itself.""

Texas Roadhouse health insurance?

I was told working full time here I'd get free health insurance. Does anyone know if this is true? :)

I got into a car accident like 2 weeks ago and i havent recieved a rent a car from the insurance company??????

I havent recieved a rentacar from the insurance company i didnt have insurance since the car was no more that 3 hours new to me i had just bought it. It was cansidered a total lose from the insurance what should i do.

""How much money do you pay for insurance, and what is your age?""

I am 21 years old and I just got my license.I use to be a listed driver on my mother's geico policy a couple of years ago.But, I got caught driving without a parent in the car and my learners permit wa suspended. I now live in a diffrent state and have a license. I went on geico.com and my quote was $155 with the license violation included. I am pretty surprised because I thought people my age pay well over $200 for their policy. Maybe it is low because I was once an insured driver under my mother's policy?""

auto insurance quotes united states

auto insurance quotes united states

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