#the only way I would be satisfied is if I was born cis. which I was not

[memoryservves]

──   (  lukita maxwell. 22. cis female. she/her.  ) thank god you’re here, man - have you seen MAGDALENA FULLER anywhere? i totally lost them after their rendition of desire by fontaines dc last night. no? they’re like, aye - high and go to LANGSTON - i think they’re a JUNIOR studying FILM & CINEMATIC STUDIES? but who knows, these days. all i know is that they’re FLIGHTY AND OBSESSIVE and a GEMINI . last night they kept going on and on about how they won MOST LIKELY TO DROP OUT FOR THEIR MRS. DEGREE last year, which is cool and whatever, but i just wouldn’t expect it out of them, considering they’re so, like, OUTGOING AND ADAPTIVE, you know? anyways - i’m going to check down by the courtyard, i think that’s where they like to hang. text me if you see them, okay?

STATS.

full name : mary magdalena fuller

nicknames : magdalena , mags

date of birth : june 16th , 2002

gender : cis female

sexuality : bisexual

inspiration : alice (closer) , brad pitt who changes his look to match his girlfriend , cassie (euphoria) , mitsuri (demon slayer) , rosalie (twilight) , michelle (skins)

BIOGRAPHY.

an error . the biggest mistake of their lives . those were the whispers that followed magdalena around . magdalena born to a mother of 52 years old and a father of 58 . an older brother and an older sister . 32 and 30 . what a cute grand baby you have people cooed in the store . that's our daughter they responded with barely contained eye rolls . a miracle baby ! nope , just a menopause one .

they weren't careful , thinking it was too late . but one late june evening out popped mary magdalena , though she would later just go by magdalena . they didn't want another baby . they'd already raised two and that's where they wanted to stop . but the fullers were not granted that privilege . so they raised her begrudgingly . family dinners every thursday night . tutors and babysitters . playdates with the kids of the neighborhood kids . but all little magdalena wanted was to play pretend with her brother and sister . standing there , hands in the air trying to grab them . her brother wiping his suit where she touched it . her sister clutching her necklace like she would break it . it was an empty existence , each day driving a hole deeper and deeper into her heart .

everything changed in school . when she was surrounded by kids her own age . she had one goal . not acing every test . not joining the most clubs . having the most friends . quickly , she learned to adapt . say what people wanted to hear . wear what they wanted to see . start wearing makeup when she was only 12 . and her parents let her , giving her whatever she wanted to keep her content and out of their way . one day and one falling out later , she was friendless . the next week , had her first kiss and everyone knew her name . every day , there was a new version . goth . preppy . indie . she'd tried it all , adapting to the crowd to fit in , to fill that hole . but it didn't help , only adding to the fissures spreading across her skin as she was nothing more than a piece of art , something for others' to project their on interpretations onto .

magdalena enrolled in langston , following in her siblings' footsteps , hoping to gain their attention and their praise . she isn't sure what she wants to do , changing her major almost every semester , unable to make up her mind . she isn't sure what she's doing or where she's going , but she won't be satisfied until she's the most beloved student in langston history . she's excited for the semester abroad , ready to take on the challenge of a new crowd to win over .

PERSONALITY.

magdalena is a mirror , reflecting back the attitudes and outlooks of whoever she is with . she's constantly searching for a way to eradicate the ever present lonliness and unworthiness in her life . and she does so through people . she can talk to anyone , befriend anyone because she changes into what they want her to be . her emotions move like a current in the ocean , one day madly in love with someone and the next they're a stranger to her . she tries her best to be nice , but she can be selfish , thinking about herself first and her happiness #selfcare .

she is passionless , searching for something she wants to spend the rest of her life doing , but it changes every day . she is bubbly and fun and loves to be surrounded by a crowd , but that crowd changes every week as she finds a new obsession , a new thing to base her life around .

her ultimate goal in life is to find love , and if that means kissing a few frogs along the way , or stepping on them , she doesn't mind .

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

angel on her shoulder : a friend who looks out for her , guides her in the right direction . someone who gently reminds her to take care of herself and not accept anything but the best , while reminding her she can't treat others in that same way .

devil on her shoulder : friends that bring out the worst in each other . the kind of friend you start the night out with and have no idea what happened to them the next morning . a friend who loves her stories and encourages the bad behavior " for the mems " , and she does the same with them .

enemies : people who hate her because she home wrecked their relationship . people who spread rumors about her and she retaliated leading to an all out war . people who see right through her and don't stand for the way she justifies her actions . people she was dating and dumped two weeks later with no explanation . lots to elaborate on here :)

friends : duh!

cheating while watching drive : watched drive with your muse on the sofa and cheated with them while her partner at the time was asleep in the bedroom (alternatively: said now ex)

first partner : her first kiss in middle school and her first love . someone she dated and the first person she was infatuated with and the first person that dumped her , making her eventually realize she liked dumping more than being the dumpee .

toxic relationship : this person has her wrapped around their finger , always leaving her hungrily wanting more . she'll break up with whoever she's with just to go back to them , constantly daydreaming , in love with the idea of them and not the truth . taken

unrequited love : this muse is crushing on magdalena , but she only gives them breadcrumbs . she gives enough to keep them wanting more to boost her ego without committing to anything . taken

[oq-der-na-telha]

Incredibox oc bio/Story

(I think it will be a little long)

((sensitive topics warning(?))

—Kahunna Kai (Alexander Agan)

((obs: He's a villain so-))

(I'm proud of what I've evolved in polo edits lololol)

Initially, I would have to tell the story of Alexander, before his death

(thats is him ↓)

Alexander was born in 1844 in France in a middle class family with his mother's and three siblings, He being the youngest in the middle, Before he died he was 24-25 years old.

Alexander has always had a tendency to be a bit sadistic and aggressive, Theories suggest that he is like this because of the abuse he suffered from his mother when he was a boy. He always had a strange behavior, sometimes appearing to be insane.

Many people of his time thought he was the murderer and rapist who was on the loose at the time, And indeed, they were right, Alexander used to hunt younger men or men his own age to rape and kill them, He did this for years until he was caught killing a man by a woman called "Mary Cristiane Pierre", who was a not-so-close "friend" of his (Not so close friend because he hated her because she was a lesbian and married to a trans woman), When she caught him, he obviously tried to kill her, but failing, she ran, but unfortunately for her, she took him to her own home accidentally, So since Alexander couldn't kill her, he killed Mary's wife, And then Mary hated Alexander for killing the love of her life, she killed him in the same way he killed her wife.

((now, Alexander died and Kahunna was born))

After his death, Lewvik himself punished him, Making Alexander look hideous like a demon, and as a bonus, God removed the demon's private parts so he couldn't rape any more people. (Yeah... now he has female parts, transmasc kahunna cannon/j)

But even that didn't stop the demon from roaming the mortal world and possessing people, As a form of revenge against Mary, he possessed her and used her body to continue doing what he always did until she got insane and committed suicide, But he still wasn't satisfied with just possessing Mary, he wanted more people...With only Mary's son left as his host, he used his body.

He went on to possess and haunt generations of Mary's family, Until present times, in which its current host is Percy Pierre

Now Kahunna's current biography

—Kahunna Kai is a demon who is currently 180 years old (Having an appearance of 27 or more), He is a gay cis man (who hates lesbian women), Currently he is weakened by his host who is an average witch

His icons and music are: Effect (probably a evil laugh or sumthin), Vocal (In demon appearance, probably whispers), Vocal (in human appearence, back vocal)

Kahunna some addictions that make him stronger, such as: alcoholism and smoking

But other things that also give it a minimum of power, such as feeding on negative energies, fear, Arguments or fights, harassment or rape, So he tries to do everything to feel stronger

I think the information is over, here are some of his arts/things:

End of the post ig- I don't know what else to write

[beta-lactam-allergic]

I find it stupid that there are arguments within the trans community to the point that we have insults like "truscum" & "tucute" inside the community.

I'm a binary transwoman & I don't get why any other binary transperson would pick on non-binary (NB) or genderfluid people. How is doing that any different from cisgender bigots picking on us? Why would we expect gender identity to be binary when sexuality is a spectrum & when BIOLOGICAL SEX IS ALSO A SPECTRUM. Seriously there are so many intersexed conditions that our binary focused society just ignores or pathologises, it's disgraceful.

I had my surgeries (FFS, trachael shave, breast implants & bottom surgery) because I wanted them but I don't expect all or even most transgender people to have surgeries.

Not everyone wants surgery. Some can fix their dysphoria by social transitioning alone. Others will use hormones without surgery (if AMAB usually also use body & facial hair removal methods like laser or electrolysis). I don't see how only needing this is any less than valid than me needing & getting the surgeries to fix it.

Of those who do want surgery, not everyone wants the full works.

Some AFAB (whether Non-binary, gender fluid or binary trans-male) only want top surgery not bottom surgery as their dysphoria is connected to their breasts. If that's all they want, than I don't see the issue.

Some AMAB (whether NB, gender-fluid or binary trans-woman) only want FFS & a trachael shave. I don't see the issue here either, tucking works perfectly well if the dysphoria isn't connected to having a dick (mine was) & all you need to do is pass. As for breasts, some people win the genetic lottery & grow C cups or D cups on hormones alone. Some are satisfied with breast forms. I was unfortunate enough to not be satisfied with breast forms & to want a B-cup whilst only having an A-cup because my genetics means that I can stuff my face with food & do no exercise without gaining much weight, which means minimal fat to redistribute.

Some people are scared of the risks of surgery. That's fine, bottom surgery is dangerous, so is FFS for that matter. I went into both knowing that, knowing the ways I could either die or be permanently impacted by a failed surgery. The surgeon I had for bottom surgery asked me if I was aware of the risks before agreeing to schedule an operation date. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't know the risks, he would've said no.

Even though my dysphoria was bad enough that I was willing to take the risk, & that risk paid off for me (I'm happy with my results & had no complications), I understand fully why some people just wouldn't take the risk. It doesn't make them less trans, it just means they prioritise decreased physical risk over increased mental comfort in their bodies.

And than many people who want surgery can't afford it. I only could because my parents allowed me to live under their roof rent free whilst I saved up for my surgeries.

To discriminate against those who can't afford it is too discriminate against our most needy, those either born to families too poor to help them or to bigoted families that kicked them out onto the streets for daring to be themselves. For someone who can afford what I got to tell those who can't afford it that they shouldn't have our support is class-based discrimination for its only an accident of birth separating us from them.

The bigots are coming for all of our heads. Gatekeeping & infighting just makes us weaker.

It doesn't matter if you are FTM, MTF, NB or fluid, if you are post-op, pre-op or non-op. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor. If you are white, black, Asian or MENA. None of this will make the bigots decide to spare you. The bigots want all of us, anyone who isn't cis, cleansed from the Earth the same way Hitler wanted a world without Jews.

The bigots won't stop until we are all dead, either by their hands or by suicide. We need to unite together amongst ourselves & with the cis allies we have or could have (& if you're in the Anglosphere, polls suggest there are more potential allies than there are bigots, even in places where the bigots currently hold the levers of power like the UK & the US South). That's how we weather this storm, that's how we win.

[azragulse]

✧   ⸻   [  melisa asli pamuk,  cis female,  she/her  ]     ;     staying safe at your post in the eastern wing, aren’t you, AZRA GULSE ? though i would think that being a THIRTY TWO YEAR OLD CAPTAIN with the signet of TRACKING SENSE makes that a pretty easy task. i’m sure it helps that damryr, your female ORANGE SWORDTAIL dragon, is doing their duty patrolling our borders ! the other riders stationed at your post say you’re FORTHRIGHT and UNRELENTING traits are a real benefit, but the fact that you’re so VICIOUS and FICKLE is a real pain in the ass. does anyone else think you’re reminiscent of a wild laugh lost in the wind ; the tide breaking against rocks ; dragon claws brushing against skin or is it just that dragon of yours ? nonetheless, stay vigilant and stay alive.  

BASICS.

FULL NAME: azra gulse.

AGE: thirty two.  

PLACE OF BIRTH: navarre.

GENDER: cis female.

PRONOUNS: she/her.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demiromantic bisexual. 

FAMILY: arda & jale gulse (parents). two unnamed younger siblings and nadir gulse.

PROFESSION: captain of the eastern wing.

SIGNET: sensory tracking

DRAGON: damryr, an orange swordtail.

INTRO.

eldest of four siblings born to a pair of dragon riders, azra always knew her fate was in the skies. being the eldest meant pressure was always high not only to succeed, but exceed. all eyes were on her to see what the next generation of gulse children would bring. azra is loyal to her family, but she is far from a nurturing older sister. her way of showing love was to teach her younger siblings to swim — by throwing them in the open ocean to see if they will sink or swim. contrary to what they might tell you, azra wasn't actually going to let them drown. probably. it was funny watching, though. and hey, they all survived so no harm done. the way azra sees it, she did them a favour. the world isn't a kind place, and coddling them will only hold her siblings back.

being the first born is a heavy responsibility, but aza thrives under the pressure. never content to be average, azra did whatever it took to rise the ranks of the riders quadrant. if that meant lying, cheating, or fighting dirty, then azra had no qualms about doing it. there is a bone deep, insatiable hunger in azra and she won't stop until she is finally satisfied. the ends justify the means and if they don't justify the means? well the means were fun so who really cares! her loyalty is first and foremost to her own and her family's survival with little consideration for others.

conscribed at age 22, because there was no way azra was going to let any of her younger siblings conscribe before her; and joined the army right after graduation because war is kind of fun? azra cares little for the moral or political justification for war, its more like look, more little people to play games with! (the game being killing/outsmarting/winning). again, ruthlessly focused on rising the ranks and is now a captain in the eastern wing. despite her fickle nature, it is a position azra takes seriously as much as she views war like a game.

bonded to a temperamental orange swordtail that burnt at least three cadets to a crisp before choosing azra. she'd 'accidentally' pushed a fellow cadet into dragon fire, piquing damryr's interest. azra developed her signet power fairly quickly. if it was too much too soon, well damryr cared little for the difference between humans. annoying, but azra could be replaced. it was a test of azra's strength, which thankfully she passed. after a decade of being bonded, azra and damryr have become quite the vicious team, known for their ruthlessness and unwillingness to leave a fight until their enemy is destroyed. you wont see them settling for surrender.

coming from a family of predators, it made sense that her signet would be sensory tracking — there is rarely a person or thing she cannot locate, making her a valuable asset to the army. she enjoys the hunt as much as she enjoys toying with her prey.

kind of chaotic feral vibes in a can and will cut your throat but in a Looks Good While Doing It way

competitive, challenging and opinionated, azra isn't afraid to say exactly what she means. bloodthirsty and vicious, azra mirrors her dragon in being temperamental, although she's not as grumpy. the cadets are fun little toys to mess with for her own amusement and has probably tried to scare a few for fun.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

ARMY COLLEAGUES: azra is a captain on the eastern wing so any fellow army people. direct reports, superiors, competitors, etc. i imagine there's a mix of people she'd love to burn to a crisp, and others she's almost friendly with or they work really well together and often pair up for missions and things. maybe someone bitter/jealous she's a captain or believes she's the worst possible person to be a captain (too bloodthirsty?)

GRADUATE CLASS: azra joined the riders quadrant around 11 years ago, so anyone who was at school with her. rivals for commanding positions, frenemies. also teachers who remember her - could love her, hate her, whatever.

TRACKING EVADER: azra's signet is sensory tracking, and I think she'd enjoy testing her ability on someone whose ability is the opposite - its a test of their individual strengths who ends up winning out. also, this goes for anyone really down to play tracking games with azra. gonna keep those skills sharp.

MENTOR/MENTEE: tbh funny if azra takes someone under her wing and corrupts them a little. equally funny if someone worse than azra does the same to her, and they're just a terrible awful combination.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS: but like. without the friends bit. just the benefits. here for a fun time but not looking for anything more.

[kanguin]

I just cannot get over how ridiculous this whole situation is, so I adapted my words from a comment for this reblog.

The executive order that defined the sexes decided to do so based on reproductive cells the person, at conception, would have. Except... everyone develops cis female anatomy for the first month and a half before differentiation occurs (or doesn't occur). Therefore, at conception everyone is and will be female, by their definition, for at least 6 more weeks.

While you can argue about Chromosomes and I can refer to the Androgen Insensitivity and De La Chapelle syndromes, they didn't even specify chromosomes, the written word was entirely about gamete size. Which would also work as an argument... if it weren't for the fact that they defined it as gametes produced at conception, despite literally no organism having even developed past a clump of undifferentiated stem cells at that point.

The official declaration of The Two Sexes is completely ignorant of the science of human development to a laughable degree. Not only is it trying to assert life beginning at conception, which has no scientific basis since vital signs such as heartbeat and brain activity don't show up until months in, nor can developing humans can't even function as independent organizms until 26-29 weeks in, but it also tries to assert an immutability of innate sex at a point in development before any sex-determining characteristics develop.

It's all so laughably ignorant until you realize these people don't care about science. If they cared about the truth of the nature of humanity, they wouldn't be arguing these things, because you can't define all humans into two categories based on anything, everything exists on a gradient. Chromosomes aren't a hard and fast predictor of sex, nor are reproductive cells. Some people are born sterile or without any fully developed reproductive organs. Some are born with completely normal anatomy, but for someone with a different set of chromosomes. Some people are born one way, and then go through a completely different puberty than expected. It's messy and there's millions of people born each year that don't sort cleanly.

But these people don't care about that, they just hate trans people and don't believe intersex people exist. I highly doubt they'll fix this "mistake", because to them, the exact wording and fine details don't matter. They did it, they defined two sexes in a way that's satisfying to most ignorant people, and they'll use this to justify everything that follows. What that will be... Well we're in the "wait" part of "wait and see" right now.

in a rare moment of current events levity, Trump's attempt to declare that ~there are only two genders~ defines gender as the sex you are "at conception"

except

everyone's female at conception

fetuses that will become AMAB don't do that until a few weeks in

so by their own logic, all the conservative shitbags just declared themselves women

EDIT: yes I know the "conception" thing is to play into anti-choice "life begins at conception" ideas. but damnit, I have to live in this world, so I'm still going to chuckle at deeply misogynistic and transphobic men accidentally making themselves officially female. god knows we need the laughs where we can get them right now

[transamorousnetwork]

Why The Spectacular Baby Reindeer Is Turning People Into Stalkers

Netflix recently added a limited series that’s about as addictive as meth. Thank goodness it’s only seven episodes. In those seven episodes though, Baby Reindeer pulls back the shades on a topic that is a pariah, in some ways, to the transgender community: trans-attraction.

While doing so, the show is so freaking compelling, it’s hard not to watch all seven episodes straight through. That’s what a client did when I recommended it. “Fascinating” was all he could text after coming up for air.

In this installment of posts about this spectacular new Netflix show, I want to look more into the “fascinating” nature of Baby Reindeer. This time, though, from the perspective of why it’s become such a sensation. I’m going to examine this from the perspective of the practice I take clients through. This post will make sense with a little background on what that practice entails.

A sensation born of spiritual truth

In short, it’s a spiritual approach to making one’s dreams come true. In The Transamorous Network, however, the focus is a little more, uh, focused. We help trans community members make their relationship dreams come true. Through Positively Focused, my other practice specialty, I use the same content to assist cis people in realizing their dreams. 

Positively Focused clients tend to be very successful people who’ve realized their material success isn’t all there is to life. Many have traded their happiness for material success. That’s never satisfying in the long run.

My trans and trans-attracted clients aren’t happy either. And while they, too, eventually get to focusing on their bigger life dreams, they usually start by wanting happier love lives.

The cool thing about the practice is, not only do clients find love and happiness, but they also realize powerful spiritual accuracies; about life, about themselves and the world around them.

These accuracies explain why people find Baby Reindeer so fascinating. According to many sources, the show is a hit. Why would that be? For sure it’s well-produced, scripted and acted. But there must be more to it, because a lot of not-so-successful shows are well made.

For one, I think it’s because the Netflix series is a true story. Its creator Richard Gadd is trans-attracted. Baby Reindeer features a main character based on Gadd’s experience with a woman stalker, a male rapist, his cis-trans relationship and Gadd’s intense self-hatred which drove all of this.

But there’s more to the show than this. I think it’s this more that is making the show the sensation it is.

^^Baby Reindeer is live on Netflix. Watch it. (Screenshot from Instagram)

The power of transgender and trans-attracted people

I’ve written in this blog many, many times about the power of transgender and trans-attracted people. I write about how such people come into the world with world-changing intentions. Their intentions are part of who and what they are. And their unique perspectives are born of those intentions.

But if such people don’t fully embrace who they are, their lives reflect that. They know inside themselves that they have something powerful to share. That powerful thing is literally embodied in all that they are. If such people don’t live authentically, however, then they experience a kind of crisis. When such people try finding relief outside themselves, nearly always, that seeking amplifies the crisis.

Should they embrace all they are and express that however, they create world-changing results. Richard Gadd, the creator of Baby Reindeer is one of these people. Richard Gadd is trans-attracted.

In penning Baby Reindeer, Gadd fully embraced what he was. Expressing that, he galvanized the world around his story. That’s why this show is so sensational and turns people into binge zombies.

Wait there’s more

But there’s more than that happening. For at the same time people like Gadd speak their truth, there’s a literal massive audience waiting to hear the message. That’s what we’re seeing in the response to Baby Reindeer.

Think about it. Transgender people for decades have been asking for someone to create a show like this. A show that offers a respectful, powerful story that can “normalize” trans attraction. Trans-attracted men have been wanting that too. They may not be aware of it, but as they tell their stories of self-loathing, they create future realities wherein that self-loathing is soothed. All that energy, from both trans and trans-attracted people, doesn’t just shoot out and then go nowhere. No, it becomes stronger and stronger.

Contributing to that increasing energy are people resisting people who are transgender and trans-attracted. That’s right, those who are passing anti-transgender bills, promoting trans hate and more…all these people are contributing to the energy that will eventually result in normalization. But if the trans community resists what they see with their eyes, if they focus on all the hate, they prolong the unfolding of what’s becoming stronger and stronger.

But even that’s not a problem because their resistance, like those resisting the trans community, adds more strength to the energy trans and trans-attracted people got started. So when that energy does burst on the scene, the results are galvanizing.

That’s what we’re seeing with Baby Reindeer.

Gadd is what you’ve asked for trans women

Gadd refined his story over the years in one-man stage performances. Though he may not be able to vocalize it, I can assure you his coming to embracing all that he is, then sharing that with the world, is exactly what he came into the world to do.

And look at the results! You can bet Baby Reindeer is changing minds about a lot of things. Trans-attraction being the top of the list. Gadd’s trans attraction isn’t the center piece, which makes the show’s message about trans attraction so much more powerful. Instead, it acts under the main subject, subtly getting into the hearts and heads of those watching the show. Gadd beautifully ties in other sexual taboos, particularly pedophilia happening in the Catholic Church. In this way, his artistic statement covers so many bases, it reaches everyone who watches it.

That’s why people can’t turn away from the show. It’s just too compelling.

Finding your personal power

I assure you every trans woman and every trans-attracted guy is in the world for similar purposes. They may not all create films or stage plays, but every individual in this community enjoys the potential Gadd has expressed in the world.

If only more transgender women and trans-attracted men realized this. Imagine how much better the world would be! Instead, many such people live their lives in shame, self-loathing, or in attitudes where they believe they are victims, even though no one is ever a victim.

Gadd’s example is an example for the entire trans community. Each of us is powerful. We have the power to significantly influence the world. But if we’re living small, if we’re curmudgeon in our focus, always looking at the negatives in the world, we rob ourselves of the success, the joy and the influence we came to have.

I suggest transgender people and those who love them take the lesson Gadd’s example offers. There’s no risk in living authentically. And there’s everything to gain.

It’s worth letting Baby Reindeer turn you into a stalker. You might just find your voice, then your power.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

anon ask about negative body image and self-loathing

Hi! I hope it’s okay to rant…I’ve never expressed this about myself aloud and your blog seems like a judgement free space.

I genuinely hate myself. like a lot. From my appearance to my personality and the way I carry myself. I’m a straight cis female and I have a certain idea of what a women should look like… and I am the complete opposite. I have the inverted triangle body shape, so like really wide shoulders, narrow hips, large breasts… which also affects my posture pretty badly. I feel so grotesque. Most times when I look in the mirror I think I look okay but whenever I see myself in a photo or a video I am so disgusted, I feel sick. Like how can I even show myself in public.

There’s no other way to describe it other than that I look like an alien, like I’m not even human. I wouldn’t mind it if I was even average looking. Or at least had a cute face or nice body, by that I mean wider hips than shoulders. But I have neither. It doesn’t help that sometimes people stare at me too…and I just want to hide. Clothes never look right on me. There’s only so much I can do to try to make myself look more proportionate. It’s just not fair. I didn’t choose to look the way that I do. It doesn’t help that I have no friends or have never been in a relationship either. I genuinely don’t think anyone could ever be attracted to me or love me. I try to make friends but they never last, and are often one sided to begin with and fizzle out. No one cares about me the way I care about them. No one wants to talk to me, I have a boring personality and nothing to offer. I’m just so upset, tired and ashamed.

If you had all the things you're lacking, would you be satisfied and happy, or would you find something else wrong with you because this feeling was never about all the things you lacked but actually about something else?

You can change your entire body with cosmetic and other body-altering surgery to became that perfect ideal you're looking for. With will, determination, and money, yeah, anything is possible - but at the end of the day you are still gonna feel the same. Your "certain idea of what women should look like" will always change, you will keep putting yourself down despite everything you've done because you learned to hate yourself, because someone taught you to act this way, because moment after moment created a pattern and now you're here and this is what I'm going to say.

Your body is simply a body.

it's just chillin', cell by cell doing daily activities, the mitochondria bein' the powerhouse of the cell and all that. Hey, the cellular homies have no idea what's going on out there in human society. They have no clue that the "ideal feminine body shape" is arbitrarily and randomly decided by greedy af companies scheming about how shitty they can make you feel about yourself so that you buy their product. For example, compare the "desired female shape" from the 1990's and the 2020's. Completely different. Meanwhile, your poor lil ribosomes are just trying their best to do gene expression here. The DNA says what it says and it is about as helpful as an IKEA instruction manual (read: not very).

It's hard out here, being a cell of the human body. D:

You were born with what you were born with. It is not worse or better than anyone else's body. You've taken the polar opposite of your body type and weaponized it to tear down your self-confidence, because outside influences pressured you into thinking that you need to feel that way - words from people in your life, chance meetings with strangers, marketing and media, fucked-up society, all of it. But there is no particular the body shape you must have to be considered attractive, sexy, or worthy.

People have their own prerogatives. They do what they think is right for themselves. Including you in their lives is secondary to their personal interests. It doesn't make you good or bad if they stay or move on. It doesn't make them good or bad either - they're just doing what they think is right for them at the time. But you're taking their actions and twisting it into a weapon to attack yourself when it probably didn't have much to do with you in the first place.

Why?

It's good to be critical of yourself. It helps you grow and change the things you don't like. But you've hyper-fixated and taken it too far, forgetting about the things that are awesome about you, the interests you have, hobbies you are pursuing. It takes energy to constantly put yourself down. You're drained, abandoning the positives to the wayside. A human is both good and bad. Parts of you will suck, and parts of you don't, but you can't see them because you've buried them deep down and lost touch. It will take work. It might seem easy to constantly shit on yourself, but the reality is that you're actually working really hard to find all the worst angles, and you can redirect that energy to working out, to diving deeper into your interests, to picking up a new hobby, or even distraction. I'm sure that people would say having fun isn't productive, but it is, because it teaches your mind to enjoy something simply for the sake of enjoying it and not trying to get something out of it.

Having that skill is essential for cultivating passion - for others, for yourself, for life.

There are things you can do if you want to. Look for supportive bras and ways to improve posture. Budget for a breast reduction if your healthcare professional thinks it would greatly improve your overall general health. If you want to learn to pose for pictures and know your best angles, look up images of poses you like, copy them, practice on your own, take a class, work with a photographer. There are lots of YouTube videos that explain what looks good on camera - it's not the same as real life. You're taking something 3D and transforming into 2D. It takes a lot of practice. It takes time. It takes failure after failure of looking awkward af until you figure out what you want to look like. It is never the body that is the problem. It is never the clothes. It is figuring out how you want to be perceived at that moment in time and then learning to translate that to the camera, to others, to the world.

You would never say to a friend, you are the complete opposite of what your gender should look like. You're grotesque. Disgusting. Don't go out in public. You're boring. You have nothing to offer. If you're saying those things, you aren't friends anymore. You're being cruel and mean.

Why is it okay for you to say these things to yourself?

You say no one cares about you the way you care about them, but you aren't even giving yourself grace. The most important relationship you need to nurture is the one with you. Friendships come and go. Relationships with lifelong partners are developed later in life. But the constant that remains is you, the one who you will always sleep with is you, and to give love to someone else means you need to love the one and only - you.

Care for her.

Protect her.

Love her.

If it's easier for you to think of yourself as someone to care for, then do it. Make that vow and do for you what you would do for a friend, a lover, a forever partner. You are your forever partner, and she will always forgive you for your mistakes. It is never too late to change your mind. Difficult, yes. So fuckin' difficult. But not too late.

[booksandwords]

Loveless by Alice Oseman

Read time: 5 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: You know why people pair up into couples? Because being a human is fucking terrifying. But it's a hell of a lot easier if you're not doing it alone. — Ellis

In the interest of full disclose this is an almost automatic 5 star book for me. Any book that features an aro/ace protagonist and treats them with respect and dignity will get 5 five stars, any writing plot or character other flaws be damned. The world needs more aro/ace representation where we aren't the best friend or something to be fixed. But even without my usual aro/ace crusading, this likely would have been a 5. The character are individual, realistic and oh so human, the plot is centred on identity and confusion but is written in a manner that it is readable. And it is oh so relatable for an ace (aro? demi? grey? my romantic orientation is up in the air) who found out well after school what they were. The anger, confusion, sense of overwhelm, and the bizarre sense of mourning due to the loss of what was impressed on you as the normal. One of the best phrases in the book may be "Says who? The Hetronormative rulebook? Fuck that Georgia Fuck that." and you know what amen to that Rooney. The ending is satisfying but still open as is only right for something written for this demographic. This isn't the end of their story it is only the start.

It is worth saying that for those of us who are ace and comfortable with their identity are aware very early on what is going on with Georgia. Georgia is an anxious, touch averse Ace who is trying to force herself to be "normal". With an extended family of almost perfect hetronormative ideal relationships, met early married had kids that have been subconsciously impressed on her as the future and expected of her. Combined with her love of fanfiction it had to be her to the idea that there is the perfect person for everyone. As stated in the intro to this review Georgia is very realistic in her reactions to her newly discovered identity. Confusion, anger, mourning, insecurity. I personally felt all of these and I know others in the community did as well to varying degrees. Georgia does have a conversation with the wonderful Ellis, an ace in her 30s who had to discover her identity and learn her way on her own. Moments leading up that earn this a trigger warning for something that may or may not be alluding to conversion therapy, either way, it is slightly distressing. Ellis is a beautiful woman and a great inclusion. She is a successful woman, making her own way and living her life regardless of what others think.

A moment on the character who for me is the absolute stand out. Sunil is Georgia's College parent, they end up being a something of fairy godace for Georgia. They would hate that term, but it's so fitting for me. Sunil is a homoromantic nonbinary ace with the preferred pronouns they/him (Georgia/ Oseman use him never they), he is the one who introduces the term asexual to Georgia and tells her the potential of it. I really like him, he makes me smile. No one in an Alice Oseman book is two dimensional in their identity (racial, romantic or sexual), Sunil is no exception. He is handled well with the respect of an only slightly older figure, one who is still not entirely set on their feet. And while Georgia is cis white as well as being an enby Sunil is of Indian descent.

The other supporting characters are Rooney, Pip and Jason. Rooney is Georgia's Shakespeare obsessed roommate. They meet on the first day of university and are total opposites. I like their relationship. It's non-traditional but love in a way I want to see more of. Georgia is loyal despite all of Rooney's actions. Pip and Jason are Georgia's best friends. Pip is chaos, Georgia is silent and Jason is clam. They are something of an odd combination but it works well. Jason and his love of Scooby-Doo is both funny and cute. They are all individual and that there is some conflict between them is a good thing.

This is relatable for aces in a similar way to I Was Born For This was relatable for fandom. I would say that if you enjoyed I Was Born For This for its fandom aspects you will enjoy this, even more, fandom specifically fanfic is part of Georgia and her romantic education such as it is. Georgia (, Sunil and Ellis) face misunderstandings about their sexuality. Those phrase aces hear and hate. Sunil's is particularly important they face bigotry from other members of the LBGTQ community, where it is called a made-up sexuality. Georgia gets the 'you'll find the right person', 'have you tried...', 'what about when you are older'. We've all heard them and I could hear the tone. Some of the statements are apologised for others are not, the ones that are are important and say a lot about the importance and development of the character.

A random dump because concise reviews are not possible for Alice Oseman books.

Tommy ending up in the fire is funnier than it should be. I see all kinds of unwarranted metaphors.

Fried Egg is the cutest nickname that would make no sense to anyone but the participating people involved.

Kinsey Scale Test is something hadn't heard of but yeah that is a result a questioning person doesn't want to see.

QUILTBAG is an acronym I had never heard in the LGBTQ community. It's not new, I found it in a 2012 article, where I found this definition it is a good article. "It stands for QU is for queer and questioning, I for intersex, L for Lesbian, T for transgender and transsexual and Two-Spirit, B for bisexual, A for asexual and ally, and G for gay and genderqueer. Even with all those letters, we’ve missed some of the possibilities (such as pansexual and fluid, both of which are identities I’ve heard people claim), but QUILTBAG still offers a rainbow of different ways to identify. It’s also a lot easier to say than LGBTQIA (which is what I started using after I realized how exclusive LGBT and queer were)."

Am I the only one who doesn't know what the Bailey Ball is? They aren't an Australian thing. Well, that and I studied uni by distance.

Rooney and Ellis make some brilliant points about friendship and its importance to aces. The way it is made lesser than romantic relationships in general.

Apparently all the Oseman books are set in a common universe, the easiest evidence of this in Loveless is in the reference to Universe City from Radio Silence.

Roderick the plant as a metaphor was smart. I quite liked it.

This is a really quotable book there are fantastic quotes about love, friendship and maturity.

As an aside. The protagonist brings up her love of fanfic early in the book. There is there are precious little aspec fanfics out there. Mostly one would suspect because sex makes the tv industry go-round (see Shadowhunter and Riverdale for their treatment of originally aroace characters). As Clotpolesonly wrote in reply to me "aspec AUs are practically unicorns, they're so rare in fandom". One fandom that does have fanfics for them is Teen Wolf. Derek Hale can easily be read as an aspec (usually closer to the demi or grey part of the spectrum). So even if you don't know the show have a fic rec Magic and Drag Queens and Lizards, Oh My by clotpolesonly. Also That's When I Knew by Stennerd, this is for the 911 fandom pairing is Buddie, demisexual. There are I know more but not nearly as many as there are for some others.

[officialpenisenvy]

I understand your point, and I deeply empathize and relate to the way you're treated in your home country and by your own family, since I too am in a very similar situation. I personally moved to a different area of the country, which is slightly more progressive but definitely not by a lot, so I also contend with the everyday bioessentialist sexism of the heteropatriarchy as well as existing as a masculine lesbian in queer spaces.

You very correctly identify bioessentialism as a problem that invests all of society, and that ends up poisoning queer communities as well. I am very strongly opposed to any essentialist understandings of gender, be it "I have female genitalia hence I am a woman" or "I have a female soul hence I am a woman": we are the gender that we are because we feel most at ease interacting with the world as that gender, and I don't think it's worth it to investigate What is a woman or a man through pointless gender metaphysics; as such, I have definitely noticed a trend in queer spaces of adopting a sort of essentialism-lite which I am not fond of.

I think something that is worth remembering is that queer spaces exist in the context of broader society, and as such they are very vulnerable to outside influence. in a heavily bioessentialist society, as virtually all western societies are, it is sadly normal that queer spaces will be essentialist in turn one way or another: when me and my trans male friend go clubbing we both get read as "nonbinary", which itself is seen as "quirky afab", and this erases both of our gender identities and lived realities.

We live in a society that is very disrespectful and invasive about people's bodies and identities, especially those that are read as female: as such, progressive people in queer spaces are going to be similarly disrespectful and prodding, unless they make the conscious effort not to be. A mother asking her daughter when she's going to have kids and a friend insisting that a masculine woman in a queer space must be secretly a man are born from the same type of disrespect, and both are wrong behaviours, but ultimately the first example is more damaging because of how it replicates and perpetrates wider societal norms about what women must do with their bodies, whereas the second example is definitely annoying and tiresome, but ultimately does not reflect a wide societal push for cis masculine women to transition into men. This push does not exist, and nobody is successfully convincing lesbians to transition in hordes: people in queer spaces rudely speculating about your gender identity when you've already stated it are not representative of patriarchal society's bioessentialist opinion on women's bodies, and while I don't doubt you felt a curiosity or pressure to transition at some point before realizing it wasn't for you (which i have also gone through myself), the only people who have the institutional power and pressure to tell you what to do with your body are overwhelmingly not telling you to transition but to feminize yourself as much as possible.

I'm not sure how to word this, but to me this is a bit like missing the forest for the trees: bioessentialism and misogyny lie at the root of every single western society and they must be eradicated, which is something we can definitely agree on; however, I think it's pointless to get angry and frustrated at posts on the internet that are clearly targeted at trans men and their specific type of masculinity, and I think such a passion would be better served by trying to eradicate essentialist mindsets in your own queer spaces by promoting a performative understanding of gender as well as respect for people's stated identities. You're very young, as am I, but I think it's far more fruitful to try and change our real-life communities than it is to get angry at the things we see on the internet, though the latter is certainly more immediately satisfying.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Cas vs AUCas

Hi there! Okay I wanted to finish season 13 in one meta but the last episode has a lot of juice inside so I decided to give it one exclusive meta hehehe.

I will talk here about Cas and his alter ego in the AU world, assign to it a little of daddy issues.

Let's start this...

"Luke, I am your father."

Lucifer finding Jack and trying to convince him about his origins and trying to drag him more and more to connect with him and his hidden intentions, are a reflection for the incoming issue with Chuck and humanity.

So, as always, Lucifer will try to use the manipulative speech with his son by throwing statementa that could be seen as morally accurate.

LUCIFER: Your name is Jack.

JACK: And yours is Lucifer.

DEAN (stalking over in anger) No. No, no. No. You don’t talk to him. (pointing at Lucifer) And you, don’t listen to him. (pointing at Jack)

LUCIFER: (sounding reasonable) Um, don’t you think that’s his choice?

And everyone in the room would say 'he's right' Because that's how Lucifer uses manipulation. He can sound reasonable. And that's the danger of leaving him at his please.

Look at this twist of semantics...

LUCIFER I mean, the point is...humans are not perfect. They’re hardwired to fall. And when they do, they need a fall guy.

CAS (to Jack) That’s a vast oversimplification.

LUCIFER (annoyed) Okay, so true or false, Cas -- um, for almost, like, ever, I’ve been locked away in a Cage?

CAS Yes.

LUCIFER True! It’s true. So how did I do all this evil for all these centuries, I wonder?

As I said, Luci's speech is dangerously logical. Letting Lucifer freely speak, is more dangerous that fight him in a physical battle.

But we know Dean, Cas and Sam won't fall for it.

Remember this is a B-L (Bruckleming) episode, so we will have here a failed attempt of redemption arc for Lucifer. I know Leming was pushing for it, but it wasn't a welcomed idea between writers so... That's why you had Luci crying his tears in front of Gabe, as if he was regretting something, he didn't. Because he is Lucifer. So, goodbye to that idea.

Good performance from Mark Pellegrino tho.

Mary punching Lucifer in the face, closing a circle from 12x23 when she confesses she always dreamt with punching the devil in the face. She did it in that episode but I think this punch was way better satisfying for her.

Jumping to another little take for a foreshadow...

BOBBY Just got news about Charlie and Ketch. Goin’ after the execution squad went sideways. They’re the ones who got ambushed.

This is the cliffhanger or twist of the story we will have in 14x09, when AUMichael posseses Dean again.

Cas vs Cas

Settling the continuity of character development, we had a very visual way to show how much Castiel had grown throughout the seasons.

Before this encounter, we had Castiel coming back to soldier mode, as Dean requested him with the 'whatever it takes' speech.

This time is Dean himself the one asking Cas to use torture over a person, just like he did with Donnie. The only good thing in this scene is Dean and Castiel communicating without talking.

Gif set credit @becauseofthebowties

This preamble was needed to lead us to the AUCas vs Cas scene. In which AUCastiel represented what the Empty was for Castiel at the beginning of this season. AUCas was, certainly, a Castiel that never met Dean Winchester in this reality. Taking that as our base in this discussion, AUCastiel never fell, and he followed Heaven's order blindly, symbolically represented with a Nazi suit.

We could infer Castiel could be like him if Dean had never born and Apocalypse was successful.

But let's check AUCas dialogues...

AW-CASTIEL I haven’t seen many like you. But... But you have to understand that everyone has a breaking point. A...point of pain. Particular, primitive fear, maybe. But it’s a nerve so...raw that your will -- grit, they cease to be factors. And then all your little secrets, they flow from your mind, to mine...until your mind no longer exists.

This speech AUCastiel says to AUCharlie, just like Castiel reading Donnie's mind or torturing that young man, are all foreshadows for what will happen with AUMichael trying to decipher Dean's deepest thoughts and secrets. "What do you want?" Which will be the topic in season 14.

And now, CAS vs CAS...

AW-CASTIEL More than one of us. Fascinating.

CAS (looking at his double) I’ve gotten used to it.

Two Castiels, like the Empty and Cas, or like AUMichael and Dean inside of Dean,'s mind.

AW-CASTIEL You align yourself with the h-humans.

Humans were considered as garbage between these angels in this AU, so, the sole idea of looking at himself in our Castiel been allies with humans it's disgusting.

Gif credit @inacatastrophicmind

CAS I vastly prefer them to angels.

This is a lesson Castiel had learned after meeting Dean and realizing Angels were wrong

AW-CASTIEL Don’t think that you are better than me. Well, we are the same.

This is very interesting, because AUCastiel maybe also has that idea of rebellion inside of him, as he saw it fulfilled in Castiel.

CAS Yes. We are.

The confirmation here is infering Castiel recognizes what kind of angel he was, what kind of angel he could be if he had never met Dean, and at the same time, he is killing that part of him, and accepting who he is now. This will have it's continuity in season 14, and it's conclusion in 15x18, always linked to that dark side he defeats, symbolically represented by the Empty, and the last word said by Jack, his son, bringing him back to life.

Miscellaneous: DESTIEL INTIMACY:

Gif set credit @inacatastrophicmind

This tiny scene here is very important. Castiel approached Dean without talking and opens Dean's backpack to take off the handcuffs. And Dean just let him. There's no sign of surprise in Dean's face, he just let Castiel to sink his hand in his backpack showing us the amount of intimacy between these two characters. The trust and the long term relationship. This is something only a person that is very very close to you is allowed to do. And is so romantic and really meaningful. Is foreshadowing too 14x03 when Dean asks Castiel to get inside his head. Because he trust his angel with his life.

To Conclude:

This episode was a preamble to daddy issues in season 14 (Chuck and John) and it also showed an interesting interact between AUCas and Castiel, textually representing his growth of character.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one.

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wanna be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII, XCVIII,CXIX, C, CI, CII, CIII, CIV, CV.

Buenos Aires, April 4 2:01 PM 2021

[stvpidinlove]

[ IM JIN-AH, SHE/HER, CIS WOMAN ]  —  [ SENA HA ]  is a child of  [ PERSEPHONE ]  with the power of  [ PLANT GROWTH & SHADOW TRAVEL ] .  they were born in  [ 1993 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2005 ] .  with the change, they  [ HAVE GRADUATED FROM ]  the  [ BUSINESS ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ ANSWERING EMAILS & RUNNING IN HEELS ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ MOON ]  building . 

perhaps my most put together character but is that saying anything

BASICS

hometown: san francisco, california

eye color: brown

hair color: brown

height: 5′7

sexuality: bisexual

birthday: august 29, 1993 ( virgo )

BIO

sena’s a first generation american, raised by a single father, who wouldn’t find love again until the age of 49, by which time sena was old enough to be a bridesmaid and drink at the bachelorette party. so growing up, it was always just her and her father. he wasn’t exactly...a sad man, but he was melancholy, sometimes. he’d get lost in his thoughts, sometimes, and especially as a child, sena would wonder if he was thinking about her mother. because a lot of the time, she was.

she didn’t know much about her absent mother, but her father only had kind things to say about her. then again, he only had kind things to say about most people, which was probably how he ended up as a defense lawyer. his parents had hoped he’d go into something like law, though ultimately they were disappointed by their son’s big heart, prone to taking on hopeless or pro bono cases.

but then again, in most situations, his clients paid, because he had a reputation for being good at what he did, and it was all based in hard work and research, not in smearing the prosecution or fabricating stories that would be more convincing to the jury. the two of them were never wanting for anything and sena loved growing up in san francisco, swinging by chinatown or fisherman's wharf after school or on the weekends, frequenting the various museums whenever a new exhibit blew through town. she spent a lot of time on her own because her father had busy hours and she had no siblings to talk to, so she quickly learned how to be self-sufficient and responsible

from a very young age, sena knew she was different. there’s really no good way to explain her ability to make plants grow at will, a skill she less-than-discretely displayed regularly at the park near her house. the shadow travel was less obvious and far more difficult, something she never really used unless there was a pressing reason

like many demigods, sena has always been fascinated by her mother’s story, for as long as she’s known the truth of her parentage. she’s been at nemean lion since the age of thirteen, making it easy to find the proper resources for learning more about the entire world of greek mythology. although the seemingly unbelievable has been a part of her life since her conception, sena is a very level-headed person. she’s organized, almost to a fault at times, and always looks put-together, whether she is or not

before nl, she’d wanted to follow in her father’s footsteps, maybe not exactly, but certainly she had an interest in law. she never fully gave up on the dream, but she can appreciate her role at nl, too, and as long as she’s helping people with her business acumen, she’s satisfied

sena isn’t uptight, exactly, but she does struggle at times to let loose. she’d never leave her apartment in an un-ironed skirt or wrinkled blouse. appearances mean a lot to her, primarily because she knows it’s important to put your best food forward in business and present your best self

partly due to proximity, she’s been at nemean lion for quite a while now and can’t imagine life without it, though she visits home a lot because she’s close with her father. she’s glad he has his new wife (and young twins) to keep him company while she’s away 

RANDOM FACTS

for a daughter of persephone, sena doesn’t spend a ton of time outside these days. she’s the kind of person who has to be reminded to get out and take a break from working. that said, she loves nature, innately, and enjoys gardening

she’s the kind of person to scold gently/kindly because she can’t help quietly worrying about everyone and wanting them to succeed but she tries really hard not to be overbearing

somehow she has huge big sister energy even though she grew up as an only child

sena can’t shadow travel other people yet but she’s lowkey working on it??? she’s been training for over a decade so it’s like...why not but also she doesn’t see it as a huge priority. she’s gotten really good at doing it herself though she sort of has a mentality of not wanting to abuse her powers by using them frivolously

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

the biggest mom friend...plus she’s on the older side compared to a lot of people at nl so she’d def fall into the big sister/mentor category, i feel like people would come to her for Life Advice because she seems to have her shit 2gether and she gives good sensible advice 

she does sort of consider hades kids to be like step siblings but ig it depends on the person lmao

someone who also came to nemean lion 10+ years ago who she’s been friends with for over a decade, super duper close, probably goes up with her to san fran sometimes!!!

a longterm roommate! they get along really well and ofc they’re friends but they’re not like Besties which is why they’re able to live together for so long without complaint. lowkey codependent??

an opposites attract kinda thing where they’re super forgetful and/or messy and sena always has to help them get their life together but secretly she enjoys it <3

[bcdluhm]

&  29  |  cis male  |  he/him  —  ah  ,  bedlam  “beddie”  novak  ,  you  again  .  we  expected  we'd  see  your   { wisps  of  cigarette  smoke   ,   wafting  within  the  studio  ,   up  and  around  your  quick  feet   —   a  ball  change  to  the  left   ,   a  scuffle  to  the  right   .   }  feel  around  these  parts  .  on  the  c  list  as  a  hoofer ,  aren't  you  ?  we  can  help  with  that  !  for  starts  ,  we'll  need  to  make  the  headstrong  and  cheeky  side  of  your  personality  shine  and  do  something  about  leaving  that  childish  and  directionless  side  of  yours  behind  closed  doors  .  at  least  those  luke  pasqualino  looks  might  just  give  you  a  real  shot  .  that's  if  your  inclinations  ,   those  dangerous  habits  which  caused  your  previous  fall  from  fame  don’t  destroy  you  first  !  [  kit  ,  28  ,  pst  ,  she/her  ,  n/a  .  ]

                                                   [[   easier  to  read    ]]

–––  𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫  .

[  *  basics  !  ]

full  name  ;   bedlam  lee  novak nickname(s)  ;    beddie   ,   vak age  ;    29 date  of  birth  ;   january  17th zodiac  sign  ;    capricorn place  of  birth  ;   chicago  ,   illinois gender  ;    male pronouns  ;      he/him sexual  orientation  ;    heteroflexible  —  he’s  straight   ,   but  shit  happens   ,   op   . romantic  orientation  ;     same  as  above language(s)  spoken  ;     english  &  italian accent    ;     n/a

[  *  appearance  !  ]

face  claim  ;    luke  pasqualino  hair  color  ;    brown eye  color  ;    hazel height  ;    6′2 tattoos  ;     none    piercings  ;      none

[  *  family  !  ]

parents  ;   vivian  &   mitch  novak sibling(s)  ;     none   ,   only  child  syndrome   children  ;    ha  !   maybe   (   omg  no  i’m  totally  kidding  —   no  kids   ...  unless   ...   )  financial  status  ;   well-off occupation  ;   hoofer since  ;   16  years  old   .   though  he  came  out  of  retirement  at  28    list  status  ;    used  to  be  a   .   now  c career  inspiration(s)  ;   gene  kelly   ,   donald  o’connor   ,   fred  astaire  . body  of  work   ;   several  musicals  and  tours  throughout  the  late  1950s  and  early  1960s   .

–––  𝐣𝐨𝐛  .

hoofer   :   a  professional  dancer   .    however   ,    he  has  talents  in  singing  and  acting  too  as  he  starred  in  several  musicals  in  his  early  twenties   .

–––  𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲  .

spoiled  beyond  belief   ,   bedlam   (   nicknamed  beddie   ,   pronounced  betty   )   was  given  everything  his  little  heart  desired  .   toys   ,   new  clothes    ,    whatever  snack  was  proudly  displayed  near  the  front  of  the  grocery  store   .   but  he  was  never  satisfied   .   he  was  an  endless  pit   ,   demanding  what  others  couldn’t  give   .

and  with  a  stomp  of  his  foot   ?    he  would  get  even  more   .  

and  boooooooy  did  he  stomp   .   left  foot   ,   right  foot  —  even  his  tantrums  held  a  beauty  to  them   .    his  mother  ,   vivian   ,    cooed  over  her  talented  baby  boy   .   buy  him  some  tap  shoes  and  i  might  just  charge  an  audience  fee   ,    she  laughed  obnoxiously   ,   head  tilted  back  as  flawless  silk  locks  cascaded  down  her  back   .    i’m  serious   ,   mitch   ,   buy  our  boy  some  tap  shoes   !  

to  say  beddie  was  gifted  would  be  both  an  insult  and  an  understatement   .   while  clearly  born  with  talent   ,   he  worked  his  ass  off  to  be  the  best    .  not  because  he  enjoyed  it   (   he  did   ,   but  that  wasn’t  the  point   )    —   no   ,   it  was  because  he  loved  the  attention   .   

his  need  to  be  better  than  everyone  else  resulted  in  bloodied  socks  and  damaged  tap  shoes   .   he  danced  and  danced  and  danced  some  more   .   if  not  tap    ,   he  was  perfecting  classical  ballet   .    if  not  ballet   ,   he  was  learning  to  waltz   .   beddie  possessed  a  natural  athleticism  that  turned  a  normally  effeminate  activity  into  a  test  of  masculinity   .   he  did  things  no  others  could  dream  of   ,   and  he  looked  wonderful  while  doing  it   .

by  his  early  twenties   ,   beddie  earned  unparalleled  fame  as  he  was  given  countless  opportunities  to  showcase  his  talents   .   a  “hoofer”  they  labelled  him   .   what  gene  kelly  was  for  the  50s   ,   bedlam  novak  was  for  the  60s   .    they  gave  him  singing  lessons  ,   tossing  him  in  musicals  for  the  big  screen   .   but  unsurprisingly   ,   he  grew  cocky   .   considered  an  a  lister  at  the  time   ,    he  began  to  drown  in  the  luxuries  that  fame  offered  him   .   women   ,   booze   ,  and  cigarettes  became  his  three  favorite  vices   ,    each  threatening  the  career  he  worked  so  hard  for   .

women  because  his  focus  lied  elsewhere   .   booze  because  of  the  terrible  actions  that  followed  its  consumption   .   and  cigarettes  because  of  the  way  it  screwed  with  his  body  (   something  that  wasn’t  common  knowledge  at  the  time   )   .   he  spent  several  years  on  top  only  to  be  hospitalized  at  the  age  of  25  .   the  reason  for  his  visit  was  kept  out  of  the  press   ,    though  most  people  could  wager  a  guess   :    he  drank  too  much  .   

suddenly  directors  were  hesitant  to  work  with  him   .    he’s  the  best   ,   but  fuck  if  he  isn’t  a  giant  pain  in  my  ass  !    they  started  to  weigh  the  options   ,   realizing  his  gifts  weren’t  worth  the  smart  mouth  and  childish  behavior   .   desperate  to  save  face   ,    bedlam  did  the  only  thing  he  could  think  of   .

he  retired   .

returning  to  the  fold  after  leaving  so  many  years  ago  is  more  an  issue  of  pride  than  anything  else   .    comments  regarding  how  he  USED  to  be  gifted   ,   and  how  he  USED  to  be  revered  drove  him  crazy  .   he  practiced  and  practiced   ,   endless  cigarettes  over  the  years  causing  his  endurance  to  drastically  shrink   .    but  he  was  still  one  of  the  best   .    his  reputation  though   ?    it  was  making  it  difficult  for  him  to  return   .   once  an  a  list  celebrity   ,    beddie  was  lowered  to  a  standard  of  human  who  actually  had  to  pay  for  his  own  lunch  .    the  audacity  .

–––  𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬  .

coming  soon

[promiseled]

// . Honestly I’m just gonna pile it here and even make a tag for the ship, so if people don’t like it they can just blacklist it and move on. This blog is for me and me only, I don’t have to cater to other people and that’s something I have to remember.

Anywho.

As explained in the bio (which is pretty much a farce at this point), Dion had a crush on Jonathan up until Danny went and ripped up his shirt, revealing to Jojo that Dion was biologically born a she. What I didn’t touch on was the fact that Jonathan soon felt attraction to Dion, and they had even dated for a month when they were older --- Dion calling it off because he had his own insecurities (and still does).

In the canon between @timeled and I, both Dio and Dion were obsessed with Jonathan, albeit in the case of Dio, it was one-sided and he was more of a stalker about it, having even stalked Jojo when he was dating his twin for a time. His behavior wasn’t what caused the break-up however, it was more-so Dion feeling as if he couldn’t live up to the standards of a cis woman and could never satisfy Jonathan in the same way as one. They parted ways much to Jonathan’s dismay, and the remaining time in the manor was awkward for the both of them.

Dion hasn’t stopped thinking of Jonathan since then, hell he’s even unnerved upon learning his twin is wearing his body like a fleshy prosthetic. Despite the bratty attitude Dion has and his rebellious streak, he’ll never admit that he loves/ed a Joestar that he could not have for it’s something he’ll take to his grave, wherever it may be.

And because this is our canon, I’m not going to be actively looking for a ship like this with other Jonathans. I’ve had bad experiences with this in the past as it is, and I would prefer not to repeat them. This is a detail that will mostly be kept on the downlow and not really so much talked about outside of discord.

[tinlizziedlinwa]

Developing Sexuality, Discovering Kinks, a Spinal Injury, and Barely Beginning to Explore the Edges of the LGBTQ+ Community

Howdy, y’all.  I’m just gonna put this out there - If it’s not for you, just keep on a’scrollin’!

Now, I’ve not really explicitly spoken about my sexuality and how it’s evolved over my almost five decades of life.  So, I’m about to start, and believe me, your patience and kindness will be appreciated.  If you choose to be a close-minded, conservative, cis-asshole then I strongly suggest you leave right the fuck now.  Thank you :-)

If you want to get to know me a little bit more and talk of incontinence and sexuality doesn’t scare you, please continue!

Decade 01:  Around four years old, I have my first memories of things related to my as yet totally undeveloped sexuality.  No history of physical abuse - Don’t worry about that.  It was finding my mother’s menstrual pads.  I saw pictures of them in underwear, so I took one and put it into mine.  It felt so right and so amazing!  I don’t really know how to describe it, but it felt like I needed the whole package of them in my underwear all at once!  I got in trouble for using up a package that my mom needed and I didn’t understand why she needed them yet.  But I made my first “diaper” out of pads and tighty-whities when I was only four years old.  Since I’m gonna be using a lot of numbers, I’m gonna cheat and sacrifice the “proper way” of spelling them out if they’re ten or less.

At 5, I knew I wasn’t built right.  I had this thing I peed through that girls didn’t have.  Boys had them.  But I wasn’t supposed to be a boy!  I didn’t like it and hated the feeling of it touching my legs (still do...).  I started asking questions about things.  Now, my parents are the stereotypical Boomers, “trapped” in a loveless marriage by dependent children and their own sense of “honor.”  Dad was a Medical Corpsman who became a Physician’s Assistant (PA) after retiring, while Mom used to be a Wave (nurse) in the Navy, but became a stay-at-home Mom when she started having children. I’ve 2 brothers and 1 sister, the last of them born 10 years before me.  So, when I questioned things, Dad’s response was usually to hand me a medical book and tell me to look it up.  Mom’s response was usually, “go ask your father.”  So, there I was, a 5-year old with a head full of partially-understood terminology (at best!) and a bunch of clinical photography in anatomy and physiology books.  At least I learned the purely physical differences between boys and girls and why I was one and not the other.  This made me mad.  So. Very. Mad.  I cried a lot for a while, finding out that I would never become what I feel I was supposed to be.  But I kept reading....

When I was 6 years old, I wrote a letter to my parents explaining how I felt about my body and how it made me feel inside and how I wished I could change and be the girl I’m supposed to be and would they be ok with helping me do this some day?

It was not received well.  Not well at all.  I’ve spent the last 40 years trying to get over their reaction to it and I still hate them for their reactions with a passion.  I feel like I was truly shattered, and the glue I’ve had to use over the years to put myself back together has never been the right type and pieces of me keep falling apart.

Entering Decade 02 (10 to 20 years old):  Puberty, damn it!  None of my “researches” had even hinted at ways to stop it, and my body started changing in ways that made me very uncomfortable, but there was also this attraction I kept feeling towards some people, and I started getting erections.  Now, I knew what was happening and yes, it did feel good to play with myself, but it also felt wrong in that I should have someone entering me, not me entering them, so when I masturbated that’s what I dreamed of - being entered and feeling them expand inside me, them giving themselves up in me, losing control and exploding into me and feeling their satisfaction as my own at having been so desirable.  Cockwarming them gently back to hardness and having my own way with their body as their hands stroked my breasts and hips.... Eventually I would orgasm in real life, while dreaming my dream.

I have never had a blow-job.  Several girlfriends have attempted, but honestly that’s like the fastest way to shut me down.  It instantly kills my dream between one heart-beat and the next, causing me to feel absolutely horrible about myself and this carcass I’m trapped in.  I should be going down on you, tasting, caressing, nuzzling and lapping up your wetness as I get more and more achy and wet for you.... Sticking my dick in your mouth is absolutely the worst thing that can happen during any attempt at sexy-times for me.  I’d rather have diarrhea on a crowded school-bus.

The problem was, I had been emotionally terrorized by my parents (and now I know how they controlled my access to information...) and the area I grew up in was populated by fairly conservative folks, so I had no exposure to other ways of living and had no idea I could express my sexuality in any way other than by being masculine with it.  Ergo, I was very much in the closet, hiding my thoughts and feelings as best I knew how, and retreated from situations that might expose my inner workings. Hence, I’m an introvert who overshares o.0  Start unstacking the bricks from my walls and Watch Out!  You might get more than you bargained for :-\

Decade 03 (20 to 30 years old):  I was just positive I didn’t want kids.  Also had no clue what to do with myself, so I landed in Alaska for about a decade.  Isolated, small town, conservative folks (a church on every corner, attended at least twice a week).  Repressive.  No sex for 8 of those 10 years.  Met my (now ex-) wife up there.  Internet actually got off the ground and we bought a computer, modem, and had an AOL account!  This was around 2002′ish or so.  Yeah, I watched the twin towers fall on a tv in a bar in Alaska.  But while in Fairbanks, I discovered the old Usenet Newsgroups... and that led me straight back into my diaper-fetish which I’d almost forgotten about... omg, seeing those first photos... I can’t describe the feelings that burned in me.

Decade 04 (30 to 40 years old):  Left Alaska and moved to western Washington State.  Worked as a Medical Assistant for about 5 years, then re-invented myself as a welder when I got a Federal job.  Learning a whole new trade wasn’t easy.  Shittons of practice later I was good at it and loving my career, until a toolbag fell on my head in 2008.  It could have killed me had I been in any other position.  As it was, it hit the top of my head while my spine was almost perfectly straight up’n’down, causing a couple of discs in my neck to blow out.  One completely ruptured and the other bulged so badly it could never heal and restricted my movement (couldn’t look up or pull my chin in).  To this day I still have a smallish “shadow” on my cervical spinal nerve where the disc exploded and a “dent” where the next one down bulged out.  The doctors think that’s why I’m incontinent and really struggle to get hard-ons anymore.

Here’s the rub:  I’ve hated this body of mine forever.  I’m not supposed to get hard-ons in the first place!  I’m supposed to have breasts, hips, hair, a flat front and a curvy bottom, and you should be making passes at me, not vice versa!

So, rather than pursue medical (surgical) options to deal with the urinary and occasional fecal incontinence, I choose to wear diapers and give myself regular enemas.  This way I can kinda (mostly) control the #2 and keep it from happening in public, while I can let my bladder just run on it’s built-in autopilot (which is really random, btw).  Wearing diapers also helps me with tucking!  I can  pull the dick out, pop the balls up inside where they belong, tuck the dick as far back as I can and put my diaper on tight.  Bingo!  A flat front!  And a bit of a poofy bottom!  YES!!

Decade 05 (40 to 47′ish years old):  I’m beginning to feel slightly more confident in my sexuality, though I’m still not comfortable actually trying to seek out anyone special... but yeah - I’m an introvert by nature.  Probably need to get adopted by someone because I’m not sure I’ll ever really be brave enough to really reach out first....  But now I’m able to afford nice diapers, I’m buying women’s jeans/pants/sweaters/onesies, and I’m feeling so much better about myself when I’m able to dress up.  Keeping my chest and legs shaved helps, too.  When I look down and see long, course, curly body-hair... ugh.  Hair in the armpits and groin is what’s normal.  Chest hair?  Get it off!  Looking at myself in the mirror, I still hate many aspects of my physical self, but when I’m freshly shaved, diapered and wearing women’s jeans and a lovely pink sweatshirt or just lounging around in a cute diaper and huge sweater, I’m much more able to ignore the things I don’t like.

Lately, as I’ve begun exploring my sexuality a little more, I’ve discovered the joys of dildos.  Lemmie tell you what, guys.  A traditional male orgasm doesn’t hold a candle to what I’ve felt while playing with a good dildo.  After a good, thorough clean-out in the shower (I have a shower-attachment with multiple nozzles and use the long black rubber one), I’ve used a dildo that’s got a bit of a bend near the tip - it’s shaped like a real penis, normal size (not humongous), with a bit of a crook near the glans.  By holding the balls & suction cup in hand, it can be inserted and moved in-n-out at that perfect angle to stimulate *all* the right spots inside...  I can honestly say I’ve peed, cum, and blew that dildo across the room as my knees hit the floor and I forgot my name during the best, most intense, can’t-walk-for-a-minute whole-body orgasms I’ve ever experienced in my life.  The area between the anus and scrotum feels so very hot and heavy, like it’s going to burst, it’s not truly painful but almost close? - It’s an amazingly satisfying feeling.  I’d love to hear from you girls out there... Are my orgasms anything similar to yours?

Some day, my dream is to meet someone who can understand me, who can feel where I’m coming from, who can love me even when I’m having difficulty loving myself.  Someone who is kind to my broken soul, and who’s idea of a hot date may involve a stop at the adult toy store!

Edited on 01OCT2021:  I’m not looking for a Mommy or a Domme.  I’m an adult with adult responsibilities and concerns.  I’m looking for a partner who’s also fairly self-sufficient.  I own my own home, work full time, and being an introvert I need lots of alone time.  Someone who’s open and accepting of the fact that I’m diapered 24/7/365 and am perfectly capable of changing myself.  And she’ll understand that I don’t just wanna get her out of her jeans for sexy-times, but I also wanna try them on.

Edited again on 02OCT2021:  As I’ve just begun actually  exploring my sexuality, I’m starting to think I seem to fit into the “enby” grouping (even as I don’t like being stuffed into a box, I find myself doing just that, to myself!  Damn categories...).  I don’t know all the lingo yet and it feels like the terminology is a living thing that is always changing.  Even though I’ve always found women to be super attractive, and I also really enjoy wearing women’s clothes and have dreamed of being a woman for decades, every once in a blue moon a guy really turns me on.  I’ve got fantasies about going down on her while he enters me, his hands on my hips pulling me in as he gently thrusts, speeding up slowly as I’m getting wetter, he’s sliding in and out of me faster and faster and I’m lapping up her juices, buried in her scent, the orgasm in all of us building until we simultaneously explode.  Then, once we all have our breath back, each of us gently diapers one another.  The idea of feeling my diaper sticking to my bum as his seed dribbles out of me is really turning me on again right now!  Hearing our crinkles as we move, cuddling in a contented pile, patting bottoms all around.

Am I a “bottom?”  Is there such a thing as an independent “bottom”?  More research is needed!  

[cbaconnor]

IS THAT THOMAS DOHERTY ON CAMPUS? OH NO, THAT’S CONNOR HARRINGTON. FROM SCOTLAND/LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, THE 22 YEAR OLD HAS COME TO STUDY FILM STUDIES. RUMOUR HAS IT HE IS CONFIDENT AND SOCIABLE, BUT COCKY AND IRRESPONSIBLE, WHICH IS WHY HE IS KNOWN AS THE MILLION DOLLAR BABY. HE RESIDES IN YORKS AND CAN’T WAIT TO GRADUATE.

ooc: herro i bring you my second child. always can’t wait to plot with everyone and i’m sure i’ll be in your dms soon! please note any and all trigger warnings in the tags. but yep, please come and love my messy boy.

full name: connor thomas harrington nicknames: con, conker date of birth: 14/3/1999 (22) hometown: edinburgh, scotland, uk gender: cis male sexuality: heterosexual religion: atheist

connor is the youngest of two boys in the harrington clan. born to boyd and connie harrington, he knew what it was like to be a trust fund brat from a young age. connor and his older brother, mack, were thrust in to the life of rich parties and glamour. boyd is a big name in the british film production business and one of the higher ceo’s at the bbc. connie, herself, used to be a british model so it was no surprise that connor’s life was bombarded with meeting actors and celebrities. mack had always been the apple of his dad’s eye. mack was smart and would later go on to be a brain surgeon. a difference to the type of person connor was. he didn’t care about being smart and was mostly known as the class clown. he didn’t care because he knew he could get by on money for the rest of his life. connie loved both of her sons but connor was the one she let the most things fly with. if connor said jump, connie said how high. 

when connie ended up in a coma after a drunk driver hit her car after an event, she lived for a week before she passed away. the whole family was heartbroken by the loss and a seventeen year old connor took his grief to the extreme. his dad’s disappointment knew no bounds when connor was out drinking every night. mack ended up convincing connor to try travelling and getting away from scotland for a while and take some time to find himself. this is what led him to america.

he first travelled to new york for two years where he simply partied himself out of his mind. it was the easiest way to cope with the loss of his mum. if he was in bed with any girl he could get in to his bed, if he could take any drug he could get in to his system, if he could drink any alcohol behind the bar, he would. anything to distract. making his way to some friends across the country in los angeles. that’s when he met eva murphy. from the moment he met her, he was determined to win her like a prize. when she didn’t go home with him on the first night, the second night, the third night, he tried every trick in his arsenal until he settled down and just tried to be a friend to her instead of just trying to bed her. he actually grew to adore her as a person rather than seeing her as just a pretty girl he could add to his count. he learnt about her previous boyfriend and understood why she didn’t want to date anyone so he spent the next nine months just being a friend to her but his heart was craving so much more than a friendship. still he tried to ignore it until eva kissed him. she kissed him. they soon began dating and he absolutely adored her. he would do anything for her and constantly felt so lucky to know her. it was no surprise to anyone when he took her away to france and proposed. she said yes and everything was perfect. he took her for a drive across the french countryside a week later from this point. when he leaned over to kiss eva on the cheek, he didn’t pay attention to a car coming the other way and at the last second, he veered them off the road... down a hill... in to a river. everything went to black. connor was lucky to leave with a concussion and a few scratches but eva hadn’t been so lucky. she was in a coma. connor couldn’t bare to watch another important woman in his life die in a coma and this time he felt the guilt of knowing he was the one who caused it. in his eyes, this death was on his hands. he fled the country leaving eva in that coma and went back to scotland. 

connor went back to his usual grieving methods of women, alcohol and drugs for two weeks straight. he got a call from the french hospital he had been in to find out that eva had survived and that she was awake. he couldn’t bare to go back and see her face. he was, obviously, happy she survived but he was too much of a coward to see her. when she called him, he declined the call. after the third call, he broke his phone and got a whole new one the next day so she couldn’t contact him. all he did to help was put a large sum of money in to her bank account with only the reference of ‘sorry x’. over the past year, when he was at his loneliest, he would go on social media and check that she was okay. just look at photos of her living her best life on instagram. it broke his heart every time but he stuck to his vices to keep him sane. that was until he found out she’d started at a university the same day his dad was yelling at him to either get a job or study something. to satisfy his dad, he enrolled at monarch university a month later to study film to try and make his dad proud and to try and brave seeing eva again. if eva wanted nothing to do with him... well... he was sure there would be plenty other pretty things he could entertain himself with. 

* // POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS ?

existing: york’s neighbours, any film/media majors, golfers

former friends : friends he may have made in new york or los angeles before he went to hide in scotland and cut off ties with people he knew. probably ghosted them entirely (0/?)

hook ups (potential) : honestly women, he’s probably going to try anything to get in your pants. i am sorry but he’s a little man whore (0/?)

competition : literally anyone he finds out sleeps with eva, he’ll probably get jealous and start a fight. feel free to plot with maddie on this one, she’s a sweetheart! (0/1)

good influence : someone who can make him stop and actually study and stop being an asshole. someone he literally can’t be anything but good with (0/1)

[cloveroctobers]

YASMIN DOUGLAS—

IG info/Bio: @/imyasmin_d | 11.6k followers | hello & ahlan 🎶

23-24 years old depending on her birthday (I’m thinking too much about timelines since i know some shows aren’t live and if they filmed it prior & it’s just being shown to us now...then there’s the boat party that comes in after, you get what I’m saying right? No? Okay)

Moroccan heritage

she was born in fes along with her baba

Father works in the carpet & rug manufacturing industry and worked in his father’s business from the young age of 16

her mother is from Essaouira & has often stated that she couldn’t stand Yasmin’s father the first time they met but she wouldn’t want to travel through this life with anyone else

Her father and mother came from two different lifestyles. All he knew how to do was hard work yet he had a sarcastic but playful side to him whereas her mom came from a family that was more financially stable & she was free to do whatever! mainly hanging at the beach with her friends without a care in the world, she was privileged and a little uppity while her father’s life seemed to be planned out from the day of his birth

Yet they still fell in love and decided to leave Morocco months after they got married at 21 & 24 & not too long after they had yas they left for England

She was raised in Kent, England

The Atmosphere led to her boho lifestyle...being exposed to castles, gardens, and underground tunnels from time to time shaped her into what she felt she was meant to be. She loved her second home

they call her “yazzy”

Parents follow islam...Which Yasmin respects but is not strongly devoted to

Can speak & write in Arabic but seems to do better in writing

Her paternal grandparents fault her parents for not teaching her to excel at both & feel that if they weren’t in such a rush to leave home she would speak Arabic better

Which made Yasmin feel like shit. Her paternal grandparents were strict on keeping their customs alive whereas her maternal grandparents were carefree as long as they got to see their granddaughter alive & well that was good enough for them

Idk maybe a only child or has a older brother? I don’t feel like she comes from a big family sibling wise

her mother made her a stuffed purple sheep that she took everywhere with her as a kid & continues to keep close to her. Y’all had imaginary friends? Well Yasmin had a real friend she could see & squeeze the life out that didn’t require talking and hugging the air, but that’s fine do u

100% collects beanie babies until this day but lil yamb is the number one princess in her household

As her significant other you have to be okay with lil yamb sleeping in between y’all that’s just the way it is

These stuffed babies are her comfort when no else can be

she’s a singer/songwriter. Went to uni for it & finished a semester early

Went through multiple hell experiences when it came to interning & temping while still in school & after

Let’s just say she wasn��t down to f*ck her way to the top

this made her anxiety act up, these people made her feel like she wouldn’t be good enough to show the world her craft & it’s didn’t have to be the world, just someone who would listen

But she couldn’t give up, there was nothing else she saw herself doing. She knew this is what she was meant to do but she couldn’t lie and say that her insecurities didn’t get the best of her most days

Although the cons seemed to out way the Pros some days, she kept at it & found herself a solid team that knew what she was about and understood her soul

Was definitely the student who loved all her English classes & when she spoke up everyone found it shocking since she preferred to just write everything out rather than “participate in group discussions”

I feel like her singing voice sounds similar to Jessica mauboy’s (if you don’t know who that is & you’re a fan of r&b/pop check her out or if you’re just curious that works too lol)

Knows her music notes like the back of her hand, duh!

Fav color is royal blue, especially on her eyelids & nails

Occasionally sleeps in rollers to keep her hair wavy

Needs her space when it comes to disagreements, they stress her out & she panics a bit when things go wrong so she feels like she needs to leave the situation rather than talk it out right then and there

She’ll talk when she’s ready, she just needs someone that’s a little patient with her that’s all

Words of affirmation is her love language? When she figures out how to balance her love life with her work life that is. When she’s feeling confident she’s smooth with words but when she needs to show you how much you mean to her & she really takes the time to think it out & feel her emotions, she’s writing you a song or you’re the inspiration to it or a poem, leaving you little love notes on blue post-it’s around the house, will write 50 reasons why she loves you on Valentine’s Day, and will say so when it’s just the two of you in your own comfort

Isn’t too crazy about public displays of affection but will deff hold your hand if that’s something you or she wanted in that moment

I think she’s fluid

Hasn’t been in many relationships. Sure she goes on tour every other year and gets to meet many people but they’re not solid relationships, they’re hookups and she hasn’t done many of those either

Had maybe one or two solid relationships: a androgynous woman that uses she/they pronouns & was in a rock band & a cis male she met at a tattoo parlor his step-brother owned (he kinda favored seb but we’re not going to speak on that)

I believe she wants to get married someday but isn’t so keen on the idea of kids. The furthest she’ll go is adopting a couple of animals. She’ll be a pet mom! I feel like she’ll be anxious looking after the life of a human being when it’s extremely hard to do so not only for herself and the love of her life & you want to add kids to the mix?! Fucking hell! but that could change? Who knows what life can throw at u

Has a hedgehog named Sonia that she drops off at her parents for their weekly sleepovers

Loves lace—mostly bralettes & crotchet clothing

I see her as a corduroy girl too. She has at least some rusty brown low-rise corduroy pants or/and a jacket

owns a crotchet kit, she’s bloody good at it too

Loved pink & purple (still likes them, they’re her 2nd & 3rd fav colors) so much as a kid that she tried to dye her hair half & half while her parents went out on their date night...it was also the weekend before school pictures :)

Says she got her inspiration from starfire & raven. She was only 13 at the time & had braces. Her father approved saying she’s a kid and she should be allowed to express herself. He only said that because his own parents barely let him & his brothers have their own fun

Her mother thought it was atrocious and did her best to get it out with the help of her other hair stylists friends (her mother worked in plenty of beauty shops once she got to England, until she decided to convert their basement into her own shop) who she invited over to see what her daughter had done but when you use certain permanent dyes...

It didn’t completely damage yasmin’s hair plus it was just hair, Yasmin didn’t see the big deal. She thought she looked splendid

Anyway, massive fan of ballroom dancing

She’s got a great ear to begin with so it was extremely fun twirling around while wearing pretty ballroom gowns

Took boring etiquette classes as a form of punishment? After the whole teen Titans inspiration thing “went wrong”

Enjoys western films

yes she owns a cowgirl hat & some boots too so sue her, she likes what she likes

Knows how to lasso but hates doing it to animals but she’ll do it to you :) (*gags* lmao why???)

Also loves visiting western towns & learning some history or at least experiencing what it was like

Type of significant other that will do her best to persuade you to stay in a treehouse airbnb, a cabin, the fucking Idaho potato, or camping out in her Volkswagen van in the middle of nowhere!

Has faux cow rugs, wicker baskets, wicker chairs in her flat, hangs some plants in glass jars & bottles all over her house

Her flat is very bright & vibrant: white, mocha brown, tan, yellows, & pastel purple

When it comes to decision making, she’ll make them pretty quick but only if it comes to choosing desserts

nobody is touching her mom’s meskouta orange cake WITH syrup

the dessert eater that always picks the one that has a surprise inside, meaning it has to ooze out with SOMETHING to make it 10x more satisfying

Leaning towards Buddhism, had studied some of their beliefs and found it resonates with her spirit

Fan of neon lights, probably has a few neon signs in her flat preferably on her brick wall in the loo, “to give u comfort as you go!” “that...actually makes sense.” Tai commented as he rubbed his chin coming to terms with yasmin’s reply. While Iona scowls, “no, no it doesn’t. I feel as if it’s an invasion of my bits!” “...Sorry you feel that way.”

tai & ciaran are automatically deemed as her brothers since she came into the villa with them. She had time to connect with them unlike anyone else. It was just the way the stars wrote their story and it showed outside of the villa too. they often crash at her place all the time when they’re in town & vacation all the time together when their schedules line up + it never feels like she’s third wheeling

“TaiTower” & “BB-Ci” are their names in her phone, Tai picked his own name while the “bb” stands for “best buds” for ciaran —which is a joke since he drunkly called himself so + he loves everyone when he’s drunk

You can always count on her to belt the lyrics to a Chaka Khan, TLC, or paula abdul joint when she’s drunk lol

As for the girls? She’s close with miki 😒 they just seem to be on the same wavelength when it comes to the pressure of the media since they have some sort of fame which increased with them being on the Telly. They bond over that & from there they’ve built a solid friendship

She could also be friends with AJ too (if you didn’t get swiped from her that is lmao!) they’re sorta opposites with aj being high energy/active while Yasmin is more mellow & “mysterious” but seem to connect in different ways: their sexual indentities, insecurities/anxieties, having something to be passionate about but at the same time maybe not? She might lean towards elladine or Genevieve if she had to make a choice?

Aquarius sun + cancer moon

so she’s still 23 y’all, I got it! I can’t do math sorry

“Freddie Mercury was probably my dad in my past life.”

Can play the banjo, guitar, & oud

Participates in hot yoga weekly

If she’s not with mc in the end and continues dating around if anyone from season two: LUCAS, Kassam, Gary, Rocco, maybe Blake? I originally thought Elisa but she’s probably too much for yas let’s be honest here lol they’d be better off as friends

Omg I forgot marisol! Imagine that?! Whew!!!

Season three: maybe Lily? But what if? Me being the slightly messy bitch that I am? Something happening with her & AJ. Now that?! Would be some chaotic shit “from the outside looks of it” name the irrelevant person behind the quote...now!

I’d like to see her interact with allerga but there could be something with her & cherry. I’m thinking cherry, Yasmin, & priya would bond well but we’re not here to talk about that

Getting rid of the physical aspect I genuinely think she’d do well with marisol, Lucas, or kassam. They’d mesh well I think in a relationship

She’s a body shimmer girl for sure!

Loves silk or satin robes

she’s a shortie, 5’2 to 5’5

Is learning Spanish

Loves arcade games, come see her in pinball & Pac-Man!

Quarantine life did not change her lifestyle much, but it did slightly mess with her mental health :/

loves the fall time, feels like she can slow down some and really spend time with family and friends

I feel like she has one best friend outside of the villa & that’s good enough for her!

They met their first year in uni & been close ever since

She doesn’t speak to the temporary friends she grew up with anymore & is often confused why they feel the need to keep up with her in the media which added more annoying worries to her heart but whatever right? Keep your eyes on the horizon

celebs she finds/found attractive: Aaliyah—especially when she played in queen of the damned, Kehlani, Zazie Beetz, Fivel & Booboo Stewart, Lakeith stanfield, Leah Lewis, Sofia Carson, Ryan gosling, & Nick Jonas

She listens to: jade bird, Yebba, Elli Ingram, Wafia, Zeina, Summer walker, Tanerèlle, Mariah the scientist, Teyana Taylor, Tove Lo, lady Gaga, Ra Ra Riot, Empire of the sun, & smallpools

Anthem? Diana Gordon — Rollin’