#the only one that doesn't have a nice ass is crux

[doubledeadstudio]

Added relevant tags to all the posts. Now you may spelunk into the dark depths of this blog to your heart's content.

To celebrate, here's a canonical fact about the MC: they have a nice ass.

[istherewifiinhell]

LETS FUUUUUCKIIINGGGGGG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BAT TURTLES

Here yee here yee! Come one come all! New and long time fans, young (ish) and old. These are so god damn. PREMIUM. Grade A. Turtlefied Certified. Ninja Turtles. Who are Mutant Teens.

Long have we wondered. Must a turtles movie overly explain the concept and set up of the turtles. Or else be a sequel that could confusing or lower quality. Must there sadness about fathers, conflict between brothers and general. Condensed movie run time character arc things. Well. The answer is here. And its this. Who know who the fucking turtles are. And Batman too. So lets just get to do some fucking Movie Ass Movie shit.

(And okay side note I only know animated dc im not like. All up on it but. Yeah. Its batman. Hes over there).

There is a plot a foot! A foot plot! even. Turtle villain and bat villian team up that leads the guys to gotham! And due to it being. Ninja robberies. Misunderstandings abound. But then the team up of the. Two teams. And conflicts arise there. Until they work it out for the greater threats, and thematic culmination in your final action set piece. Delightful. Tasty. So so workable.

Anyway. HELLO ANIMATION. These turtles are so. Wonderous and goofy looking. We have distinct shapes and colouration going on, which is the hotness for modern designs. They have the all white eyes look which is classic and cool. Theyre a bit toned down in shape and snoot having but its a vibe, it looks great in motion.

The action is sick as shit. and a little bloody! your not in nicktoons anymore! hey some turtles arent for little kids indeed. people can be killed! But its not like. Aggressively so. Just enough to feel it. But also theyre doing great comedy animation too. all rounder.

So whats the real meat of it? Well. WOULDNT IT BE SICK IF THE TURTLES WERE IN GOTHAM? And yes. Yes it is. Due to the crossover nature and large cast. We dont really need large changes and arcs. Isnt it enough to see how characters would bounce off situations and others...

Hows our comic lover goof ball, with slight powers of 4th wall poking, enjoy the rogue gallery. What happens when our sciencey tech guy puts his mind to finding a secretive vigilante. What do our serious leaders in blue make of each other. What if an EXTREMELY self aware 16 year old with an attitude read ur entire gimmick from a mile away. What happens when 4 sewer raised teens end up in a rich dude MANOR with a whole ass bulter...

Like basically. All of them are allowed to be their cool funky selves without needing to push it into something thats gonna be the crux of a joke or problem. We get that Leo has the weight of his responisblity as leader stuff, but his still a teen, without him having to tear into anyone. Donnie's doing his tech stuff that goes over other ppls heads without anyone saying he "relies on it too much" or being pressured into fixing everything for everyone. Mikey is techincally, a joke in that. hes saying funny things, hes goofing. But no one needs to slip into anything down right cruel about it, nor does it make him a fuck up.

And Raph... my RAPHIE.... Giving the fucking. Crown of Raph understanders to these fine folks! Yes he's implusive! Yes he's the bruiser. Yes he finds his little brothers jokes annoying! (this is half the point of a little siblings joke. trust me). But also he loves his fucking family. He's nice to kids! And he doesn't have time for anyones elses dramatic broody horseshit. THATS HIS THING??

Delicious. Finally some good fucking food. And eh. Pish posh I really dont know enough about the other bat characters but know its Babs, who is also a purple smartie, and she was fun! Shes fun to see react back at the turtles. And The smallest angriest robin. Who yeah really idk him. BUT DELIGHTFUL. To force into contact with the turtles. This is a mandatory playdate you WILL be dragged into shenangans. Enjoy ur new older bro/cousin figures. They came free with ur fucking crossover.

Shout the fucks out. Watch this movie. They gave the turtle van a little angry mouth again. Fuck Yeah.

[arkygifs]

Our Kind of Traitor thoughts:

Overall very pretty photography. Loved the colors and locations. Nice, clean, cool blue-tinted color grading.

Thematically I liked how much the word "traitor" can be applied to many characters here: first with Dima calling the Prince traitorous to his father; Dima to the Prince and the current Russian criminal lords by using the civilian Perry as a lifeline to British authorities; Perry's past infidelity causing his current rift with his wife; MI6 agent Hector trying to expose an influential MP of money laundering, who would be betraying his country; Hector himself ignoring orders not to pursue the case and lying to his partner, Dima, AND Perry and Gail; and finally Dima's daughter for harboring feelings for one of her father's enemies, causing one instance of exposure. It really goes through the different types of betrayal there are and the gravity of each one.

The crux of the morals in this murky political thriller is kind of heavy-handedly ultimately about family. "I just want my family safe", "I have a son in jail because of this man". Perry seemingly only agrees to do all of this for Dima because he's partial to his family, whom he only had seen for two days*. Later his wife Gail seems to stay loyal to Dima from the time she spends with his children. I find this stance kind of floaty and superficial.

Ewan McGregor and Stellan Skarsgård! A lot of one-on-ones with them that really takes me back to Angels & Demons.

Skarsgård is fun as a boisterous Russian criminal, but it's clear at some points he's not trying with the accent. :(

You get to see a gratuitous shot of Stellan Skarsgård's whole cock and balls and some nameless asses and I just want to know if Ewan insisted on showing hog himself and somehow got denied. It's one thing if Ewan gets naked in a film, it's another if the film IS willing to do male full-frontal and it's NOT Ewan "men should strip down and be sexy about it too! #equality" McGregor doing it.

There's a lot of missed potential with the civilian couple... Gail does well to represent the "hey why the fuck did you agree to this" side in the beginning (because seriously, what the fuck Perry?)*, but then their motivations get less interesting as it doesn't really... develop when the stakes are raised. There should be more scenes with them feeling sympathetic to the family they're protecting, OR show the transition from "let's get this over with" to "oh shit they're actually trying to kill us and now we actually need to see this through" with like a verbal conversation.

I think Gail would work amazing as the logical conscience of the two, making the change from being reluctant to trust potentially bad info to recognizing the full threat they're under and insisting Hector to do all they can. Again, not enough scenes overtly showing their thoughts and motivations to make them engaging.

Perry's the heart, but honestly a very foolish one. Dima could've easily lied about the threat to his family and was setting-up a no-name to be the fall guy. He heroically stops like three attempts at assault throughout the movie making it His Thing but like... idk not enough reason given to care why he's like this.

And their development as a couple could've been highlighted more. There's like one or two scenes where you see them get closer but like... I don't know I think more emotion about the frightening state of being tracked down by powerful Russian mobsters could've been shown.

I could NOT recognize Jeremy Northam in this movie. I saw his name in the opening credits and assumed he was the Prince but nope! he was the aging corrupt British politician with badly coordinated grey hair. I don't think he gets a scene with Ewan either :( (both starred in Paltrow's Emma way back in '96).

Ewan McGregor playing tennis 🥰

*okay so like 2/3rds of the way in the movie in you could start to think of Perry's weirdly strong compulsion to trust and help Dima as like a massively repressed bisexual crush on him. Hear me out. THE WAY their first meeting was like Dima and Perry giving Meaningful Looks to each other AFTER Perry's partner is too busy to have a drink on their ROMANTIC HOLIDAY and it's Dima crying out for help and Perry reading it as a friendly guydude just wanting company... it's kind of insane.

Dima clearly buttering up Perry to gain his trust for very shady motives and Perry's just going along with it like this is normal way to react to Russian mobsters inviting you to their parties out of nowhere.

Scenes where he says, "I can't stop thinking about him," Perry, laying in bed with his wife, "I'm thinking about Dima and his family." Gail joking that she's kind of jealous of Dima...

Perry can be read as this poor guy who doesn't realize he's bisexual because he's been misreading his need to help this complete stranger as "the right thing to do" and not as being like totally whipped by this man's big, fun personality and his dedication to his family.

[hazelhavoc]

Hello! I'm Hazel. I'm 21 and female, and I have a lot of OC's!

This is for Genshin Impact!

I have some OC's (that I may add to in the future).

If you'd like to roleplay with me then you can message me. But first-

I only do literate, no * or stuff like that (I'll write an example).

I'd prefer it to be on Discord.

I only write as my OC's. I feel very comfortable with them. You can be just canon characters if you'd like, I don't mind. If there are lots (like battles was stuff) in a scene, I'll do my best to help you.

This is going to be a one-on-one roleplay. No groups, it's too chaotic for me.

You have to be at least 19+ age range.

No minors, because I will be doing dark themes, NSFW, and the like. And no, I will not make exceptions. (Please don't lie to me about your age, that's just fucked up and I'll immediately block you if you do.)

You have to have knowledge of Genshin Impact and shit, don't interact if you barely know anything about it.

You have to put in just as much effort as me. I don't want to come back to a half-assed reply. Especially since I write A LOT. It would just discourage me. 50/50 is preferred. Don't force yourself to write if you don't want to.

If you have OC's, that's alright too. Just ask me before you randomly throw them in. I'll be showing you my OC's in advance before we start writing. Just know that I do still want you to control a canon character-

COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid of me either, haha. I just have to be firm.

And please don't ghost me, several people have done that and it just hurts. Tell me if you're going to be gone for a while, or if you want to change the rp, or you just need a break.

We can talk outside the roleplay! I don't mind, exchange UID's if you'd like (if we're on the same server).

I have mostly caught up to the story. I haven't done the recent interlude or main archon quest with Dainsleif. I take my time during each update, and I don't like rushing. Getting rid of the content will just put me back in a stump, and I'd take another several month long break. So please don't spoil me, I'd appreciate it.

I don't ship cc x cc. I never have. It just doesn't appeal to me. It's alright if you do, but I don't like talking about it since it's not in my field of interest. The only types I like is sibling/familia with cc's. Unless a romantic relationship is stated to be canon by the developers then I won't step into it haha.

I only roleplay on Discord. One of creates a private server, to keep it nice and neat.

I love the characters - Itto, Zhongli, Alhaitham, Cyno, Dainsleif, Kazuha, Kaeya, Ayato, Xiao, Diluc, Venti, Dottore, Beidou, Yae Miko, Dehya, Yelan, Ningguang, Sara, Jean, and a couple of the Fatui Harbingers featured in the Lazzo video, though I don't know if you'd want to know since they haven't had any characterization in the story yet.

We'd have to talk a bit before writing, such as your own limitations, boundaries, and the like as well!

Now, here's an example of my writing that involves one of my OC's.

-∆-

Aere watches as the sun goes down over the mountains, leaning on the railing of the ship as they get closer to Liyue harbor. A small grin slips onto her face as she stands straighter, rushing down the steps of the Crux and standing near where the ship docks. She'd hitched a rid with Captain Beidou, after some convincing that she wouldn't be a burden or complain. Her word was true, keeping mostly quiet through the entire trip. Aere makes sure to check her bag, mentally noting everything she has just in case she forgets anything. After seeing that everything is in order, she closes the bag and waits.

Staying near the edge so she's not in the way of the people rushing around. An attentive gaze follows each motion, every detail noted down. She'd made a lot of artwork recently of the ocean, regions passed, and people's she's seen.

Aere looks up at Beidou walks down the stairs, having left steering the ship to her right hand. "I see you're eager to get off. Want stable ground instead of a rocking boat?" Beidou laughs, resting her hands on her hips. Waiting patiently as Aere takes out a small book and writes down her response. 'It was a fun trip, if I could, I'd stay- but I've wanted to come here for a long time. Thank you again, Captain Beidou!' Aere shows her, instead of a smile- the artist ends up having an arm wrapped around her shoulder. A friendly side hug that has Aere staring blankly in shock. "You don't hav'ta keep thanking me! You're always welcome on my ship. I'll see you another time, Aere!" Beidou let's go, patting her shoulder firmly a couple of times before moving to direct the others to grab supplies and items, and put them in the port.

Aere smiles softly, keeping her small book out, and setting the pencil in her right pocket. Taking a deep breath, she takes her first step into the bustling harbor.

-∆-

I'd write more of course, but that's how I write as a general example!

I hope you consider it. Message me if you're interested! Or if you aren't, but you want to spread this, then you can reblog too!

See ya! :]

[minimujina]

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴍᴇʟʟ

ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs. thoma, sayu, yoimiya, kazuha, razor, bennett, diona, diluc, klee, albedo, sucrose, venti, childe, chongyun, xiangling, xingqiu, qiqi, xiao, ganyu, itto, gorou, kokomi, ei, yae miko, scaramouche

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. deadass what i think they smell like cause im a sensitive bitch. mostly silly :) dont ask me how some of these make sense because i dont know !! &:&:@/$:&

and ofc it’s strictly platonic for sayu, qiqi, diona, and klee !!! but you can interpret the other ones however you want, they can be platonic or romantic if they come off that way lgolfhdkfhfk

thoma smells like fresh laundry. he’s always clean and tidy, and always accepts hugs and cuddles because he knows how much you like the way his clothes smell :) might even wash your clothes for you so that you can smell like him and not have to steal his clothes :)

sayu smells like nature. with how much time she spends sleeping in and under trees, napping next to streams and snoozing away in bushes, it’s no surprise that she doesn’t have as much of a distinct smell—it’s simply wherever she napped last. but, if she’s been pampered by thoma recently (he enjoys taking care of her whenever she’s around), she smells like fresh laundry :) and hugging her is like hugging a little pillow. she’s so gentle and small and will just cling to you as she drifts off. chances are you’re in komore teahouse after a round of hotpot with thoma and ayaka :) and u probably tuck her in on a little beanbag somewhere afterwards🥺🥺

yoimiya smells like peaches and sunshine :)) pretend that you can smell sunshine and thats what she smells like :)) oh my goj she smells like peaches and sunshine i will never get over this

kazuha smells like the ocean air. briny, sweet, peaceful; it doesn't take much for you to come running into his arms, inhaling his scent and being reminded of the saltwater spray of the sea as you lean out over the crux. cold sunshine, windswept hair, salty breeze.

razor smells like shit. im sorry. this boy has not bathed. literally ever. please help him bathe properly because he will never do it himself, and if he tries, he will fail and only manage to smell like wet dog

bennett also smells like shit, though not quite as bad as razor. but still bad. sometimes, SOMETIMES, he MIGHT smell, like, okay. he’s an adventurer, and he’s a little boy. he smells bad. however, if he were not stinky, i know that he would absolutely smell like cinnamon :]

diona smells like cake and milkshakes :) she tries her best not to smell anything like the drinks she serves as a bartender—down with the wine industry and all that jazz

diluc smells like pine and vanilla. no i will not elaborate

klee smells like bombs☹️

sorry i think im funny☹️(she probably smells like diapers though not kidding, toddlers do not have advanced bladder control)

albedo smells like the cold. like in a good way, that cold smell bc dragonspine. but also like,, fresh paint. he smells like cold fresh paint. , ???????.

sucrose smells like sweetflowers and windwheel asters (idk what those smell like but think whatever you imagine them to be)🥺she doesn’t even take super good care of herself bc she’s so invested in her projects and research, i just think she would naturally smell nice

venti smells like wine lol. but if there’s a chance he hasn’t been drinking his ass off, he probably smells like the summer breeze, whatever tf that means. he’s the god of the wind idk you know what i mean

childe wears the strongest cologne that fuckin reeks everywhere he goes but like it still smells good😞😞😞but if u stand right next to him ur gonna be fuckn COUJGH COUGJHF EUGH COUJGH HURNRKK AUUNGH AUJFH u know what i mean. but he smells like a Man😍a Sneznayan Man😍also i dont know how to spell that😍

chongyun smells like vanilla and qingxin, and there’s also just a kind of cold aroma about him. like,, the smell of cold???? u know ?? like albeabdo does? idk i kinda just wanna kiss his forehead is that too much to ask

xiangling smells like jueyun chilis and fucking burnt toast

xingqiu deadass smells like a library. like the good book smell. this bitch also uses blue soap. whatever smell first comes to ur mind with blue soap thats this blueberry bastard

qiqi smells like herbs !! most of the time it’s a mixed smell, but often she comes back from her herb-gathering trips with an aroma of violetgrass; bundles upon bundles of the plants are gathered in her arms and her little basket. i like to think it’s her favorite herb since it’s her ascension material

xiao smells like sweat ehueueueueu but on a good day maybe he smells slightly like clean clothes bc he was at wangshu inn when garments were being washed (and maybe he helped if he was nice) (and maybe he washed himself for once) (spreading my xiao doesnt shower agenda) (affectionately)

ganyu smells sweet and flowery <3 a lovely smell for a lovely person. i love to think a fragrant aroma just follows her everywhere; she’s a really enchanting and endearing person. sometimes she probably smells more bitter like qingxiin. that’s if she couldn’t hold herself back from having a quick snack on a couple from bubu pharmacy (qiqi promised not to tell anyone!!!!) (but she probably already forgor💀)

itto smells like Stinky Man Pits i just know it im sorry. i mean this in the most affectionate and loving way possible

gorou smells either like baby shampoo or Musky BigMan(Dog) Attractive Smell and there is no in between

kokomi smells like bubblegum and this is not up for debate

ei smells like Purple : ) idk what that means but it makes sense to me : )

yae miko smells like Pink : ) idk man the tall inazuma waifus are just colors for me thats all i got .

scaramouche smells like the crushed hopes and dreams of souls damned to eternal torment and suffering—those condemned to the gates of hell for their heinous crimes against humanity.

and also lemons.. he got the zaza..

[wonderlandleighleigh]

I know it’s not feasible w/ the kids, but god I wish it was possible for midge to go low/no contact with Joel. Because a) he doesn’t deserve her and b) whenever he tries to use her for relationship advice or verbally abuse her to make himself feel better is just fucking insulting, on top of being toxic. Not complaining about your writing, by any means, I just really fuckin’ hate Joel. I hope someone cell block tangos his ass.

Joel is SUCH a conundrum for me.

He isn't - okay. So he's not particularly kind of generous. He's not a NICE person. But he isn't a BAD person per se.

Men - especially white, straight men - are promised a specific kind of life when they're young. And it never turns out quite how they picture it, and then, suddenly, they realize that they are miserable.

And a lot of men do nothing about that misery except sit in it.

And some men, like Joel, make a mess out of their misery and take their closest people down with them.

Let's be real about Joel: He is a very easy antagonist for Midge. And I tend to write Midge as being pretty innocent in all of it; trying to live her life and Joel struggling with that. Realistically, being divorced and having kids together is hard. It's easy to fictionalize it even more and make Joel a REAL bad guy. It's fun, and it makes for great drama.

And it's borne out of the fact that in canon, his responses to Midge are so often disproportionate to the situation at hand. His rage at the kids meeting Benjamin by accident, and his accusing her of sleeping with Shy on tour after they drunkenly get married in Vegas.

And all of it is Joel struggling with his own feelings. That first instance being out of jealousy. He wanted Midge back at that point and she was off the market.

The second coming from panic at possibly having fucked things up with Mei by sleeping with Midge.

And that's the crux of all this, I think.

Joel takes his feelings out on Midge. She was his wife. He was used to that being acceptable behavior when they were married, and he's still doing it now that they're not.

And he does it all the time.

That breakfast at the City Spoon where Joel tells Midge Mei is pregnant? He starts it by being angry at her, when he's the one who is running late. He's mad she ordered without him. He's angry because he's freaking out about Mei's pregnancy and all of that gets dumped on Midge.

I absolutely would love for Midge to have a break from dealing with Joel. Just a week that is totally Joel-free, where she's not doing his emotional labor for him. Because that is, of course, what all of this is.

Midge has been doing a ton of Joel's emotional labor. It's rare he takes this shit out on Mei, that we've seen so far. Because Midge is still in his life. He still has her to go to.

And dump on.

And she's also the only one thinking practically about logistics for Mei and Joel having a baby. "We should come up with ground rules." Like. for all the guff Midge gets from fans for being a bad mother, she does think about them and their wellbeing and where they are and where they need to be and what is going to happen to them.

And Joel loves the kids. But he's fun-time dad. He doesn't have to think about them in that way because he's not their primary caregiver.

Yeah. I think Midge needs a Joel break.

Maybe she and Lenny can just fuck off to LA for a week and hide from him.

[dothwrites]

Cas using Enochian pick-up lines on oblivious Dean. Dean doesn't get them, Cas feels rejected each time, and Sammy is done with it all! Can I have that fic, pretty please?

ah, this has been sitting here for a WHILE, so i’m sorry that i’m trash 

lost in translation

---

It begins when Dean is pathetically trying to impress his crush. 

Or at least that would be Sam’s take, if Dean cared enough to ask him. 

Dean would rather say that it began with a simple misunderstanding, one which could happen to anyone. 

He doesn’t ask Cas’ opinion of the situation (and Cas would say that’s the whole crux of the problem). 

Whoever has the correct perspective, no one would argue about the beginning of the affair. It starts one afternoon when Dean is contemplating switching Sam’s creamer with buttermilk, just for a break in the monotony. Cas is with him in the library, his customary suit and coat exchanged for a hoodie and a comfortable looking pair of jeans which Dean suspects used to belong to him (there’s something vaguely familiar about that hole in the knee, and it wouldn’t be the first time Cas has pilfered his room for clothing; several of Dean’s shirts have ended up upon the angel’s body. Cas always seems perplexed when Dean calls him on his thievery, plucking at the shirt with faint confusion--Oh this? I found this down in the laundry room a few days ago and thought it looked familiar, do you want it back? And the question is phrased so forlornly that Dean can’t help but allow Cas to steal another article of clothing out from under his very nose.). Cas dresses down these days. And slouches. Right now, his chin is in danger of disappearing into his chest. The sight delights Dean. There for a while, he hadn’t been sure Cas was capable of relaxing.

It’s an overwhelmingly quiet afternoon. It’s nice, because Dean loves to spend time with Cas when there’s no imminent blood or monsters on their horizons, but it’s also boring. Dean sneaks a glance at Cas over the top of his book. Cas seems perfectly content to sit all day reading some godawful thick, leather bound tome. Dean finds himself less than content, but he doesn’t want to leave Cas. He sighs, shifting in his seat as he pretends to read. After a few more minutes, he sighs again, this time with a little more spite in the sound.

(Dean’s about three seconds away from kicking his feet and whining I’m bored, but Cas doesn’t need to know that.) 

Cas mutters under his breath. Dean recognizes the guttural syllables of Enochian, which is Cas’ go-to language for when he’s saying something hateful and he doesn’t want to get called out on it. Tough luck for him, though, because Dean’s heard one of those words enough to parse its meaning. 

“Did you just call me stupid?” he demands, slapping his book down on the arm of the chair. 

Castiel looks at him, his eyes wide with surprise. “You...understood that?” he asks. “You understand Enochian?”

Not in the slightest, is what Dean should say. He understands one word, and that’s only because Cas uses it enough as an insult that it managed to stick in his mind. But something that looks like fondness, and admiration, and other nice adjectives which Dean would like Cas to apply to him, shines at the edges of Cas’ eyes. So he rolls his eyes a little bit (the audacity of Cas! Asking him if he bothered to study something which was not strictly required!) and scoffs, “Uh, kind of hard not to at this point, you know, what with...” He waves his hand at Cas, hoping that the vagueness of the gesture will cover a multitude of sins. 

And really, he should come clean. If the past fifteen years have taught him anything, it’s that nothing good comes from lying to your nearest and dearest. But this is just a little white lie. Like when he was sixteen and he told Brandy Fletcher he could play a rocking drum solo, because he wanted to impress her and there was no way he would ever be called upon to perform such a task. This is just a little fib, made so that Cas doesn’t think he’s a fucking idiot. 

Plus, there’s something which looks horribly similar to gratitude shining in Cas’ eyes. The emotion brims over until those baby blues can hardly contain it, and Cas looks so goddamned happy. Dean’s not a monster. He’s not going to take that away from Cas just so he can come clean with a Gotcha! moment. 

Cas bites at his lower lip, looking uncommonly shy. Worry starts to stir in Dean’s gut, which is only compounded when Cas says something else in soft yet clear Enochian. As the new phrase doesn’t have the word stupid anywhere in it, Dean doesn’t have the slightest idea of what Cas is saying. The guilt squirming in his stomach gets worse when Cas looks at him, with gentle anticipation, as though he’s expecting a reply. Dean does what humans have been doing since the beginning of time when confronted with a language they don’t understand and smiles, wide and sunny, at Cas. Cas’ forehead creases but he returns the gesture. His eyes are still brimming over with emotion and the sight does something to Dean. 

Dean begins to suspect that he may have started something which he is not equipped to finish. 

---

After that, things get a little weird. Considering Dean’s general life, that’s saying something. 

Dean catches Cas looking at him more, like Cas is having a one-man staring contest with the side of his face. Cas staring at him is nothing to write home about, but his looks have gained new intensity. It makes Dean’s innards squirm with worry as well as something deeper. He’s not willing to examine that feeling any closer, though it is pleasant. 

As if the soulful looks weren’t bad enough, there’s also the thoughtful slant of Cas’ eyes to worry about. Every time he looks at Dean, he looks like he’s working himself up to something momentous. Since momentous decrees from Cas usually come hand in hand with world-ending events and revelations, Dean thinks he can forgiven for dodging Cas’ presence. 

It does him no good: the bunker, for all its space, is only so large in the end, and Cas was once a heavenly messenger who has the patience of millennia. Add that to the fact that Dean needs to eat at least twice a day, and the game of Cornering Dean becomes a game of cards, in which the deck is stacked firmly in Cas’ favor. 

Dean sneaks into the kitchen sometime between midnight and two am. If Sam caught him, then he would get a talking-to about the most appropriate times to eat, better digestive function, and the ravages of heartburn in a man his age, but it’s not his brother sitting at the table when Dean flicks on the light. 

It’s Cas, who blinks owlishly at him, before his face splits into his brightest smile. 

(Cas’ brightest smile is an awkward, crooked little thing. On a regular human being it would be considered unbecoming. On Cas, it’s a thing of glory.)

“Dean,” Cas greets him. Hearing his voice in that low, rough voice never fails to send a little shiver down his spine, and today is no different. “This is an odd time for a snack.” 

“Yeah,” Dean says, a little lamely. The shock of finding Cas in the kitchen has kind of killed his appetite, but it’s not like he can turn around and leave. “Just, you know, had a craving. Why were you here?” 

Cas looks around the kitchen, his mouth pursed. “I like it here. It’s peaceful.” 

Dean looks at him, waiting for the punchline. “You were sitting in the dark, dude.” 

“Oh. Well, I don’t need lights to see in the dark,” Cas says, as though the knowledge that his best friend has some freaky see in the dark cat eye nonsense going on with him isn’t the weirdest thing Dean’s heard all day. 

“Great.” Dean opens the fridge and pulls out a container at random. He spares one second to hope that Sam got rid of all the moldy food before he samples the contents. “Well, I think I’m going back to my room now.” 

He wants to get out of here, not so much because he doesn’t want to talk to Cas (he has no problem with late-night chats with Cas, it’s just that he would prefer such chats take place in his room, preferably in his bed, preferably while both participants were significantly less dressed), but because Cas is starting to get that look again, like he’s getting ready to drop an atomic bomb’s worth of shit on Dean in the middle of the kitchen. 

“Dean.” Cas stands up. He twists his fingers together before he realizes what he’s doing, and then places them flat against his thighs. He takes a deep breath. Before Dean can stop him, Cas opens his mouth. 

Low, rolling syllables flow through the kitchen, the harsh notations of Enochian softened by Cas’ voice. There’s a question in Cas’ eyes, and Dean would answer it, if he only knew what Cas was asking. 

The kitchen falls into silence. Dean gets the distinct impression that walking away is not the appropriate reaction. If only he knew what the appropriate reaction was. 

He settles for plastering a fake ass smile on his face and loosing a brittle laugh which threatens to shatter the lighting fixtures. The corners of his mouth hurt from the wideness of his smile, but not even the small twinge of pain can take away from the brief flash of hurt in Cas’ eyes. 

“Yeah. You bet.” Dean barely restrains himself from giving Cas a big thumbs up.

Cas’ face, if possible, turns even more disconsolate. Dean’s stomach twists at the sight. 

This would be the correct moment to confess. Cas, I don’t have the faintest idea what you said, but I’d really like it if you could say it again in English, so that I could maybe comment on it. Sorry I’m such a jackass. 

Dean does not confess. He reaches out and claps Cas on the shoulder, almost buckling Cas’ knees under the friendly contact. Dean almost stops, but he continues to his room, trying to erase the memory of Cas’ stricken face. 

---

It gets worse. 

Cas says something in Enochian to him the next morning, a tiny, hopeful smile darting across his face. Dean gives him a weak smile in return and tries not to focus on the longing, almost desperate tone of Cas’ voice. “Ok, Cas,” he says, when it becomes clear Cas is angling for something more than a smile that makes it look like he ate some bad tacos. 

Cas takes him by the wrist. This time the syllables which come out of his mouth are almost frantic. His eyes are wide and imploring, and his voice cracks on the last word. 

The truth, Dean. Tell him the truth. 

“Look, I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean says. Confronted by the weight of his failings and his inadequacies, he flees. All the while, he feels Cas’ eyes on his back. 

---

It gets worse. 

Cas continues to mutter Enochian at him, alternating between frustrated, hurt, mocking, and pleading inflections. Each time, Dean looks at him in a mixture of helplessness and shame. 

The last time Cas tries, there’s a faint snap and tingle of grace curling around the room. Dean can taste it in the air, ozone and electricity, before it makes the lamp closest to him spark and pop. “Great, now you’re killing the furniture,” comes out of his mouth before he can stop it. 

Cas recoils as though Dean reached out and slapped him. He says something else in Enochian, his voice small and defeated. He won’t even look at Dean. 

If Dean were a better person, he would come clean. He would apologize to Cas and beg his forgiveness. He would take Cas’ scorn and irritation and lump it in with the rest of the shit that’s gone wrong with his life, and they would move past this. 

Dean’s not a good person. Hell, he’s not even an okay person. He’s a piece of shit who got a hell of a lot luckier than he ever deserved, and Cas is just naive enough not to realize that. 

---

It gets worse. 

Sam walks into the library one afternoon with a dazed look on his face which means he’s just emerged from being caught deep in a book. He runs his hands through his hair and only then seems to realize that Dean and Cas are sitting at opposite ends of the library, deliberately ignoring each other. The tension in the room is thick enough to cut. 

“You guys okay?” he asks, glancing back and forth between them. 

“We’re good,” Dean says shortly, flipping a page of his book with unneeded aggression. 

Sam flicks his eyes towards Castiel. Cas looks over the top of his book, his eyebrows twisted in a scowl. He mutters something most definitely not English under his breath, staring at Dean. 

Sam chokes on nothing. 

“You all right there, Sammy?” Dean glances at Sam, only to see that his brother’s face is bright red. 

“Yeah, I’m great.” 

Castiel says something else in Enochian, sounding more forlorn than angry. Dean didn’t think it was possible for his brother’s eyes to get any wider. “Something you want to share with the rest of the class?” Dean asks. He keeps his eyes on Cas, but the question is meant for both of them. 

“I think you two should really talk,” Sam says, looking back and forth between him and Cas. “I think you’re both missing some information.” 

“What do you mean--” Dean pauses as the obvious answer comes to him. “Hold on. You can understand him?” 

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” Castiel says, proving that he can speak English just damn fine when he wants to. Then, because Cas is an asshole whose main job is torturing Dean, he mutters something in Enochian. 

Sam snorts. 

If he didn’t know he would later regret it, Dean would put both of them in the ground. 

“Well, if you want someone to talk to you, then knock it off and speak English!” Dean snaps. “I’ve got no idea why you’re babbling on like that and looking like I kicked your puppy when I don’t answer.” 

Cas scowls, the full wrath of Heaven in his eyes. He starts what sounds like it will no doubt be a lengthy tirade (in Enochian of fucking course), before he’s interrupted by Sam. 

“Dean doesn’t understand Enochian, Cas!” he shouts. 

Two pairs of eyes snap to Sam. Dean’s are filled with furious betrayal, Cas’ with frustrated confusion. Sam ignores them both, rolling his own eyes to the ceiling. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry to cut in your drama or whatever, and I’m sure that you two could keep this up for another three weeks, but I value my sanity. Dean, nut up and tell Cas you don’t speak Enochian. Cas, stop running into a brick wall and tell him what you want. I mean, good God, it’s like I have to do everything around here myself!” 

Sam’s complaining never ceases as he peruses the shelves for the particular book he’s looking for. Both Dean and Cas are referred to multiple times as idiots, sometimes assholes, and once even idjits. Throughout his litany of abuse, Dean and Castiel refuse to look at each other, though Dean does feel a telltale prickling at the back of his neck several times. Every time he looks at Cas, however, the angel has his eyes firmly fixed on his book. 

Dean wonders if Cas would get more pissed if he told him his book was upside down. 

“You ever think about how much pain and agony you could save me if you two assholes would just talk to each other?” Sam finally snaps. Arms laden with books, he levels a fearsome glare at the both of them. “For homework, neither of you are coming out of this library until you’ve actually talked to each other like rational adults. And if you make any weird noises, I’m going to smother both of you in your sleep.” 

He stalks out of the library, leaving Cas and Dean alone once more. Cas looks up from his book, finally realizing it’s upside-down, while Dean puts down his own book. They stare at each other for a long moment, then speak at once. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t understand Enochian?” “What were you trying to say to me?” 

They stop. Dean swallows, gathers up all of his manly courage, and speaks. 

“So what were you trying to say to me? It must have been pretty exciting to get Sammy clutching his pearls.” 

Cas tilts his head. He considers Dean for a long moment before he crosses the space between them. Cas leans forward, putting his hands on the arms of Dean’s chair. The gesture boxes Dean in, a turn of events which Dean doesn’t struggle against. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t speak Enochian?” 

Pinned beneath Cas’ gaze, Dean squirms uncomfortably. Now that it’s just him and Cas, his deception seems childish. Would it really have been the end of the world if he’d told Cas he was too stupid and selfish to learn his language? It would have just been another disappointment in Cas’ life, but has it been worth these past few days of being at odds with Cas? 

Heat flushes along the bridge of Dean’s nose as he mutters, “I wanted you to think I was smart.” 

Damn super-angelic hearing. Cas doesn’t miss a beat, though his forehead creases. “You wanted...what? Dean, you are smart.” 

He says it so naturally, as though Dean doesn’t struggle over translations or speaking Latin or cross-referencing indexes or any of the thousand other things that seem to come naturally as breathing to Sam and Cas. “Yeah, sure, I’m a regular fucking genius,” Dean mumbles. 

“You’re capable of finding the problem with a faulty engine with a single look. You built your own EMF meter out of a spare Walkman. Despite your efforts to hide it, you’re very well-read, and you have an innate understanding of some fairly complicated mathematics. I’m not sure exactly what humans qualify as intelligent, but I feel as though all of those skills count.” 

Dean knows his whole face is red. Heat prickles along the tips of his ears and down his neck. “Jesus, Cas,” he mutters. Unable to withstand the force of those blue eyes, he darts his glance down towards the floor. “Most people don’t start sweet talking until the third date.” 

“Well, I’m an angel,” Castiel says, smugly, as though that solves every argument (not a bad strategy; that line’s worked for Cas for years. What else can you say after that?). 

“All right, I answered yours, now you answer mine. What were you trying to say to me?”

Amazingly, Cas’ cheeks color. 

“Come on, Cas,” Dean wheedles, when Cas doesn’t immediately answer. “I told you mine.” 

Cas looks off to the side. He actually shuffles his feet before he answers, “It was just a thought. I thought, maybe, we could...Never mind. It was stupid.” He looks back at Dean and rolls his eyes, showing how ridiculous he finds this whole trial. “I guess, roughly translated, it would amount of something like ‘If only he were as decisive as he is pretty, then there would be no problem’.” He forces a weak laugh. “I said it in the heat of the moment. I was frustrated.” 

Dean blinks in astonishment. Only one fact has managed to slip through the tangle of Cas’s words. “You think I’m pretty?” 

Castiel’s blush deepens. “Anyone who has eyes would think that,” he says, a little roughly. 

An automatic flush spreads across Dean’s cheeks, but he’s able to ignore that. He’s much more interested in what else Cas might have been telling him. “And what was something else you said?” 

Cas coughs. “’Your eyes are bright as the sunrise, yet they fail to see what is in front of them’,” he says. If possible, his already rough voice has deepened. 

“Another.” 

Cas doesn’t pretend coyness. “’You had my heart from the first time I saw your soul’,” he says, in a near whisper. 

Dean can’t hold himself back. He snatches Cas’ hoodie in his hands and drags Cas down to his level. Cas lets out a surprised grunt before he gracefully collapses atop Dean. He’s barely managed to balance himself on Dean’s lap before Dean’s lip are on his. 

Despite Dean’s rushed actions, the kiss is sweet and almost chaste. Cas’ lips are warm and chapped and utterly wonderful. At first, they’re stiff, but only for a second. Then Cas relaxes into the kiss, sighing happily as his hand cups Dean’s cheek. Cas’ stubble scratches against his chin. He’s going to bear the marks of Cas’ affection later, and he couldn’t be more thrilled about it. 

Cas parts from him, but not far. In fact, he’s close enough to Dean that when whispers a phrase in Enochian, his lips brush against Dean’s. 

A shiver of delight runs down Dean’s spine. Now that he knows the gist of what Cas was trying to say to him, Enochian fills him with illicit glee. “What did that mean?” 

Cas kisses him again, adding a cunning sweep of his tongue across the seam of Dean’s lips. “’Of all the stars in the heavens, you shine the brightest’,” he translates, resting his forehead against Dean’s. 

Heat floods through Dean once more. It’s everything he ever dreamed of hearing. It seems impossible that he could have it. There should be a rule against it. Dean Winchester doesn’t get what he wants. 

Except, apparently, Dean Winchester does get what he wants, as evidenced by his lapful of angel murmuring Enochian endearments into his ear. “Hey Cas?” Dean tilts his head to catch Cas’ eye. “When I first saw you, sparks flew. How would you say that in Enochian?” 

Cas thinks for a second before a smile spreads across his face. “I’ll teach you,” he promises, before he pulls Dean’s face towards him once more. 

(Sam’s warning about making weird noises makes a lot more sense now.)

[mittensmorgul]

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever… :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack… 

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.

[sodomyordeath]

Rose: So that was the first group challenge

Helela: Oh how I hate 'em

Rose: And it was a rehash

Helela: Of one of the worst challenges in my book.

Rose: What do you think about the winners?

Helela: You know that I love Shea and have a soft spot for Sasha and we all have seen that there is real attraction between the two of 'em on last weeks untucked.

Rose: Is Sasha a veggie?

Helela: I don't know girl but to me she looks like a gurl that likes her protein.

Rose: A true men eater.

Helela: She looks like the mono kind to me.

Rose: Something no one ever said about you.

Helela: I'm pretty sure some fool on the internet who never meet me surely did.

Rose: If you had to select a single winner ignoring team memberships who won for you?

Helela: Clearly Nina. She nailed her part in the challenge and her runway was the most inspired/out of the box

Rose: I'm not a Drag Queen but as a Burlesque performer I do agree. She gave me everything.

Helela: I know her for some time now and I'm so happy that the world finally gets the chance to see what I was seeing all along.

Rose: Remind me who do you think is going to win?

Helela: I stick with Shea Couleé but I wouldn't be mad if Nina or Sasha would take it.

Rose: What about Valentina?

Helela: I'm sorry but she's just not my brand of Mezcal.

Rose: Not mine either. She's just not exciting to me.

Helela: Okay I can't hold back let me bitch about eyebrows for a moment. I really, really hated Sasha's eyebrows with that blond wig. For fuck sake go slimmer or less black or fucking both but Valentina's eyebrows do bother me. Go for full on Frida Kahlo brows or a nice classical Hollywood brow but not whatever it is you think you're doing.

Rose: Anything else you really hated.

Helela: It seems to be the season of let's make the lace front look like a cheep ass hard front that no one knows how to style. That includes RuPaul.

Rose: The makeup seems to be off this season.

Helela: No Mathu Anderson. It's that simple.

Rose: Who's working on Ru?

Helela: I know that Raja and Raven did something but I don't know at what episodes/looks they worked. The Ru look is very specific and honestly if they can't pull it off no one can.

Rose: What about Billy B.?

Helela: Have you seen season one?

Helela: No shade I love Billy. The two times I had the pleasure to work with him it really was a pleasure but these days he's not draggy enough to make Ru look supermodel Ru "natural".

Rose: So Btm 2 do you agree?

Helela: It's the crux with team challenges. I firmly believe that the team leader should be up for elimination as well as the worst single contestant and honestly that wasn't Charlie to me. It also is extremely stupid to send her home before Snatch Game. Biggest mistake since Sending Kelly Mantle home way too early in Season 6.

Production dropped the ball there.

Also a Lip Sync for your life between Peppermint and Trinity Taylor would have been more interesting. Charlie is not a lip-sync queen. Like a lot of us old hags she's a singer (so is Peppermint but she can turn a sync).

Rose: I agree not having her for snatch game while we clearly have people around who can't do a character even if there life depends on it is a mistake.

Rose: Anything you learned tonight?

Helela: Farrah will never make coin in the foot fetish scene.

Rose: Would you do Drag Race? I know you've been far before.

Helela: No I honestly don't see a point anymore. It turned into just an other reality TV show that takes itself too serious.

It's not about the Art of Drag anymore but about the Marketability of a specific aspect of Drag and one that I have no interest in. Neither as artist nor as critic.

That's why I would argue that ultimately Nina doesn't stand a chance. Her Drag is just not advertiser friendly enough.

Also I'm too old and I'm used to be the one in command and we both know I'm a hell of a team leader and a hell a bad team player.

Rose: Oh yes and people still consider Raja and Raven mean.

Helela: Oh don't get me started.

Rose: You would go full on Hannibal Lecter/Damian from The Omen on that poor kids.

Helela: Yes I probably wouldn't sit there and choke a pillow like Bianca did.

Helela: Anyway the race got a lot more boring for me tonight

Rose: Yes for me too.

Rose: I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed by Peppermint so far.

Helela: Yes I haven't seen something that screamed "stun" from her yet but the same goes for Aja, Farrah and Alexis.

Rose: Am I the only one who thinks Valentina and Cynthia Lee Fontaine do have a kind of a free pass so far?

Helela: It's almost like the Judges see something we don't see. Last episode CLF's dress was horrible she had no shape at all.

Rose: Wrong, boxy is a shape.

Rose: I'm pretty sure we will end up with some gurls going further than they should have because of team challenges.

Helela: They seemed to haven't learned much from Season 7 (aka the worst season ever).

Helela: What would be your dream top 3 based on what we've seen so far?

Rose: Hmm I like Nina a lot Shea is the total package and maybe Trinity Taylor or Sasha Velour but I fear it will be Farrah Moan or Valentina.

Helela: No Eureka, Peppermint, Alexis, Aja or Cynthia?

Rose: I think Aja will not survive Snatch Game and Eureka will probably make top 4 but not top 3. Her Drag is honestly too pedestrian, at least for this old glorified stripper.

Helela: Why do you thing Farrah or Valentina?

Rose: They are both pretty kids with endearing personalities.

Helela: Valentina won Dragula so I'm pretty sure that she can perform but Farrah... I don't know... maybe she pulls a Joslyn Fox on us and even kills a fav like Aja or Shea in a lip-sync.

Rose: I have to admit I like her but that's the lesbian in me talking.

Helela: Give her my room number.

Rose: We thank you all for joining us tonight and hope you had fun.

Helela: Now get the fuck out of here my feet hurt.

transcript by Flo, thx