#the only fandom i felt held by and probably bc i was living alone in another country from all friends and family during a global pandemic

[dealwithgod]

the 20 year olds making succession fan vids made me listen to taylor swift and like it.

[thefools-journey]

So. Some of you may be wondering why we haven’t written a whole ton about the secondaries or what have you. Here’s the reason: we were waiting for them to end before we really dug into the problems we were noticing. We felt that it was only fair to wait for the routes to finish so that we had an understanding of the writers’ vision. Who knew, we thought, maybe they would see the problems themselves and course correct, maybe they are building to something we can’t quite see yet and these issues will have actual payoff, maybe-

In light of Muriel and Lucio’s endings, and the general mess that has dominated Portia’s route for a year plus now, we are breaking our silence. We are actually going to talk about this shit show.

The fandom at large has talked about a bunch of issues with the secondaries but for me, the cardinal sin, the thing that really all the issues lead back to, is this: the writers lost sight of the tarot themes which so strongly defined and held together the primary routes. Let me explain.

The primary routes each center around three thematic cores:

The Love Interest’s Major Arcana and its Reversed/Upright meanings

The MC’s Fool’s Journey, both how it can go right and how it can go wrong

A question about the MC’s identity and their relationship to said identity

Asra’s route asks: Who was the MC? How does the MC navigate a past they cannot and will not remember? What do they owe a past they cannot remember? How do they handle the revelations of what Asra, Nadia, Julian, etc did? How do you right the past? Can you?

Nadia’s route asks: Who is the MC? The MC has no past. Are they the Fool only? Are they actually the same person they were? How can they tell? Who are they, really? Are they an imposter? No one can answer these questions for them.

Julian’s route asks: Who will the MC become? How does the MC see their future? Is there anything worth fighting for for that future? What will become of them and their loved ones? 

Now, if you notice, these themes are expertly woven throughout the primaries. Asra’s past dominates his route, Nadia is also missing memories and trying to construct her identity both with her family and with Vesuvia, and Julian’s fear of the future drives his flailing for control. Asra has to learn to take a broader view of his actions to get his Upright Ending, Nadia has to learn to trust herself and those around her for hers, and Julian has to learn how to let go for his. These lessons are the issues their cards stand for. The primaries are so dang elegant and delicate in their handlings of theme it is honestly awe-inspiring.

Thematically, the secondary routes have completely lost their hearts. First of all, the MC does not have strong, core questions which need to be answered. They just don’t. I suppose the writers did not want to retread old territory (which is weird considering how tightly bound the primaries are; it really tricks you into thinking you’re living the same events but from different angles depending on your route) but they did not replace the old with anything new. Muriel’s route is, on the surface, about discovering and owning his past, the good and the bad. Why not tie MC’s self-discovery to that story? Or they could have taken the angle that Muriel’s route is about convincing him to be present and active in the world while MC builds an identity for themself outside of Asra, the shop, and the memories they cannot retrieve. Why not tie the investigation themes running through Portia’s early route back to MC and their past? Portia has the unique angle of being as in the dark as MC about all of this, why not discover the past together? And for goodness’ sake, Lucio has no future when his route begins, why not tie that to his need for growth, responsibility, and MC’s own future between the Fool, the Devil, or something mortal and in between?

Secondly, the routes lost their tarot backbone. We have a primer on how to get specific endings for each LI and it still holds, but the writers did not follow through on the thematic coherence of each secondary. The Hermit is looking for something, be it perspective, insight, a solution to a problem, whatever. The key here is that the Hermit must find or learn what they are searching for, this thing must change their understanding of the world, and finally, they must bring this lesson back to the world from which they retreated. Can someone please enlighten me as what exactly Muriel learns then teaches the world around him? Nothing Muriel learns from Morga, MC, or even the Hermit ties back into anything. The Devil warns that you are out of control and exerting a lot of manipulative, destructive behavior on the world around you. It asks you to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. So can someone tell me why Lucio’s route actively avoids any interaction or reflection on two of Lucio’s biggest victims: Muriel and Julian? Why does the route only try to make amends with the “easier” of his victims in the cast? The Star is first and foremost the card of clarity, the light at the end of the tunnel. Perseverance, if you will. Yet Portia’s route has been the muddiest of the trio; the writers drop the investigation aspect of her route in favor just handing her and MC information they could have easily found and muddying the waters with Tasya (she blows up the palace but it’s all okay bc she has a secret daughter Julian never thought to bring up or mention) and the complete removal of the Devil as antagonist. 

So that leaves just the Fool’s Journey trying to hold this stool up with only one leg. And well...it doesn’t go well. At best, the secondary route books pay the barest surface level homage to the themes of the individual cards. At worst, they ignore the cards completely. Muriel's Moon book has nothing to do with illusions or delusions or lies or even an Alice in the Looking Glass upside down world. Portia's back half is a complete and utter mess, starting with her Temperance book being so badly mangled that Muriel's aftermath book does it better. Lucio's route too bungles the Tower and the Star. There just isn't enough here to carry the routes alone.

Add to the core loss the loss of intertextuality. The primary routes are very good, even great but they too do have their moments and mistakes. What helps strengthen them when the cores stumble is how the trio is woven together. Things you learn in Asra's route can inform the way you play Nadia's, for example. Julian's route informs what is going on in Asra's route and slots some missing puzzle pieces together. Nadia's route tells you of the power struggles she is facing and informs the other two routes' handling of Julian and his trial. On and on, the three routes support each other because they are built out of the same basic plot beats, just tackled in very different ways. Now, the writers are allowed to try and write whatever they want. They apparently wanted to be more experimental and less tied down to an overarching plot with the three secondaries. Okay, fine, they are allowed to do that. The problem is that they sacrificed one of the key strengths of the primary trio and didn't replace said strength with anything else. They also, on some level, harmed the very premise of the game, which is that only the player's choices and route selected change the overall plot. Instead of feeling like legitimate possibilities or offshoots of the same timeline/plot, the secondaries feel almost like Arcana AUs. The secondaries throw out all relations to the primaries and each other as quickly as possible and for what? 

It is probably the height of arrogance to suggest fixes for works whose behind the scenes I do not know. At the same time, some small, obvious changes could have salvaged Muriel and maybe Lucio's endings (rip Portia). Instead of having the Hermit appear as a disappointing cameo, why not have him say something cryptic to Muriel, then have MC start trying to seal the Devil. Then let Muriel use his forget me mark to cloak MC and hide them from the Devil's attacks. Protecting MC by hiding them from Lucio, keeping him focused on Muriel, seems to me a simple third solution between Muriel's desire to run and his desire to never fight again. It lets him stand up to Lucio and let him have it while holding onto who Muriel has become. The Reversed End would have MC try to draw Lucio's attention at some point, disrupting the sealing, and eventually leading to Muriel killing the Devil. With Lucio's Upright End, I just have to ask: why doesn't MC fully claim the power of the Fool instead of the Devil? We don't need the other Arcana involved in this fight; we have three routes that demonstrate that. Just have MC pull Scout into the conflict, then have Lucio tell MC he believes in them, then add his power to the mix. You got yourself a full Fool who leaves Scout guarding the realm until they and Lucio's mortal bodies fail and they return to the realm to be together forever. Boom, you're done, you can even add some ambiguous lines so that players can decide how happy their MC is with this arrangement, send me the check.

Here is the bottom line. Our group is full of aroace, and several combinations therein, individuals. We are the last group who should have gotten into a dating sim of all things. But the Arcana did something with the primaries that was special; they wrote a compelling plot with dazzling lore, complex characters, and strong themes wrapped up in a dating sim bow. The writers know better and we know they know better. I do not know what happened with the secondaries, especially around books 10-11, which is where minor issues slowly start spiraling into major ones, but it is clear that Nix Hydra needed some more planning before they released these routes. Hopefully they will learn.

TL;DR: Nix Hydra fired their tarot consultants about eighteen months ago and it has wrecked their secondary routes until they were just embarrassments. They never intended for the secondary routes to even exist and once they had to make them, they scrambled and threw out everything that made the primaries work.

- Mod Telos

[wickedpact]

A ranking of all the TTT stories in order of how much I liked them.

(Oh god this is so long)

1 My Mother's Axe

BABY ANDYYYYYYYYYYYY. Honestly this one had the trifecta of developing a character's motivations, developing a character's backstory, & developing their personality. The story starting out with Andy teaching Nile to use the axe was so charming and fun, and you could feel that chemistry they had in Opening Fire, the way they teased and bickered with each other so naturally. I loved the wedge between them on the subject of the axe, how Nile was perhaps a little too young to understand Andy's feelings about whether or not its the 'same' axe. I also love how the axe is obviously the symbol of the franchise and hugely important, but you never get a sense of exactly how important it is to Andy until you read the story.

I love the entire Ship of Theseus theme, and how it feels so natural that for Andy she has to get attached to the idea of things rather than the things themselves because she'll always outlive the things themselves-- the axe is symbolically her mom's axe, even if physically it isn't. And I love how she clearly clings to that concept so tightly. "This is the labrys she held in her hands...." IT GETS ME.

And the fact that this sense of BELONGING, of FAMILY, of CULTURE is so important to Andy that she clings to it (figuratively and literally) with both hands. And of course it's important to her, she spent so long alone that the woman doesn't even remember her birth name. That axe (or the idea of that axe) is all she has left of her mother and that family/culture she was born into.

PLUS on that note I love how Andy doesn't remember if her mom was her actual biological mother, but it doesn't matter to her. This woman was her mother in all the ways that counted. And how her mom BETRAYED AND KILLED Andy but Andy loved her so much that she avenged her and carried her axe for thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS!!!!!!

I also loved how the story transcends the timeline of the whole franchise and seeing Andy through the years. Loved seeing her with the varying squads and with varying axes. Also baby Andy was so cute. It was cool seeing her so young. like holy fuck. Andromache The Scythian, Immortal Warrior (but smol). Love that.

Also I think this one is one of the few ttt stories that doesn't suffer from length problems.

tldr: goddammit greg you've done it again.

2 Zanzibar and Other Harbors

Zanzibar my beloved. I've said before, but it's downright comedic how little regard there was for Joe and Nicky's character designs in this story. The same person who does the colors for the regular comic did the colors for this one too, and you can tell, every panel of this story was Beautiful.

Ik there was A Lot of criticism of this one (lmao @ how the fandom had no idea what was to come) but I thought a lot of The Discourse was a bit dramatic. I did think Nicky came off as a little oblivious to Joe's feelings in this story, but I've said before, I honestly think that was a 'tone not translating' thing. It felt like Nicky was nagging Joe for [checks notes] saving innocent people, but Joe was so amused by Nicky's complaints I really do think it was supposed to come off as teasing.

Plus I know the 'Joe running off into danger and Nicky reluctantly following' dynamic wasn't popular (I'm a pretty meh on it meself) but I did love how Joe's impulsiveness (if you want to call it that) was interpreted as heroism and not hot-hotheadedness. All of the examples Nicky and Joe talked about included Joe explicitly saving people. (and it also took A Lot for the nazi to actually provoke Joe).

I also feel like their characterization here was closest to the movie canon-- the bit where they hear the woman scream and Joe goes running in to save her while Nicky swoops in on Joe's heels to comfort her while Joe and the nazi were fighting reminds me of the train car scene. Joe had suggested First that they go find Nile because she needed to be protected, and Nicky later added that Nile probably also needed emotional support. Similar reactions.

But it was So Good, the themes of queer community and the enduring nature of queer culture are Not themes you see in media that often and it was such a delight how it was done. Also it's one of the few more modern TTT stories that has a completely valid excuse for taking place when it did. Chef's kiss.

3 Passchendaele

I love the Duality between seeing baby Andy and then seeing Mama Andy in the very next issue. This story doesn't have a ton of meat to it, but the entire concept of Andy adopting a war orphan straight off the battlefield PLUCKS MY TENDER LITTLE HEARTSTRINGS, and I think it's especially poignant for comic!Andy. I think most people wouldn't think twice about movie!Andy doing something like that but comic Andy is so hardened and almost cruel sometimes, and seeing that even for her the world hasn't beaten all of the compassion from her yet is SO!!!!!!! this woman contains MULTITUDES okay, she's violent and angry and tired and Done but she's also so kind and compassionate and THE STRENGTH OF HER!!!!! Also the idea of her and Yitzhak co-raising a kid together is so damn cute. It was #mysterious pre-Yitzhak-story but now it's cute. holy fuck. It's cute.

& the headbonk panel of her and Zeus lives in my heart. anyways.

4 Many Happy Returns

I Know people weren't thrilled about Booker being in this one, but I've developed a pet-peeve about that: this story was *not* booker-centric. Booker only exists in this story to the extent required to explain the importance of the gesture Nile makes towards him. If there was a story about Booker making some grand gesture of kindness to Nile no one would be saying it was Nile-centric. bc it wouldn't be! Booker exists in this story to explore Nile's kindness, its not about him. I saw that a couple times and it bothered me. anyways.

AAAAAAAAAA I loved this one, the art was beautiful, I loved how Andy Nile and Booker were drawn (like their comic selves but.. more looking like actual people). I loved Andy and Nile's Bants, how Andy wanted to jump right in and Do Violence but Nile was basically telling her to hold her horses.

I feel like I'm just repeating the post I made on this story a few days ago, but I LOVED how Nile's plan revolves not around violence or Cool Mercenary Skills but on Nile's own life skills (as she canonly did a lot of minimum wage job-hopping before the marines in comics canon). Her plan used her skills, not the skills of an immortal warrior, and HER SKILLS were in fact more useful for the situation! lov to see Nile's resourcefulness and planning skills.

AND HOW NILE WAS PROBABLY WATCHING BOOKER??? it's so Much bc 1.) nile knew booker A SINGLE DAY and yet he made such an impression on her emotionally that she had to keep an eye on him and 2.) she said in the movie she wanted Booker to get off free with an apology. Yes she's a member of the team but that doesn't mean she's necessarily going to follow orders like a good little soldier. I also love how she convinced Andy to go along with it. her HEART, her KINDNESS, her THOUGHTFULNESS, UGH.

5 The Bear

Honestly I have like no negative things to say about this one other than a.) character design issues which is less about the story itself and is more of a 'tog comic in general' criticism and b.) too short, but it was supposed to be a tease, so.

But I loved Yitzhak, I wasn't expecting to really like him at all but like I said in my other post, he tickled me. I love characters who are Kind™, especially if they have little reason to be so given their backgrounds. Chef's kiss. Lov him.

6 Bonsai Shokunin

I know this one was a little controversial bc of the outsider POV but whenever I see people upset about that they never point out that the Outsider Guy (the samurai) existed as a reflection on Noriko. His ideas are explained in the text to develop hers. The whole story follows how she gave mercy to a scared young man and in response he murdered Noriko, repeatedly! Who gave him the right to inflict such pain and suffering on the world? In his opinion, the lack of response from the gods was his permission. And for Noriko-- over and over again she dies and suffers because she gave mercy, which lines up with her ideas in FM about how it's their fate to rule mortals and if they don't align with that plan/fate/whatever then they suffer. It shows some background to those ideas and how they developed in her mind outside of Ocean Madness™. Additionally, his idea of 'the Gods have done nothing to strike me down so it's fine if I do these things' kind of explains how Noriko may justify her own morally corrupt actions-- she's died so many times and it's never stuck. Maybe if she did die any of those times, or while she was in the water, maybe that would've been a sign she was doing something right, or at least doing something normal. But she hasn't died. Fate isn't done with Noriko yet. And maybe there's a reason for that. In her mind, it's just not a very pleasant reason, is all.

There were things I was kind of meh about tho. I did kind of wish we saw something of Noriko and the team, or smth explaining the way she was before her dip in the pool-- personality, likes dislikes, etc. but it wasn't bad or anything. It was super vague tho, I had to read it a few times before I got what it was going for. Liked the art. Liked the bonsai metaphor. And of course I Respect the decision to use the 1300s (1200s? I don't remember off the top of my head) rather than using the last 200 years.

7 Strong Medicine

Honestly looking back, this one made me kind of sad because both this one and Bonsai Shokunin explored character's ideas on Fate and The Divine and how that intersects with immortality and I totally thought that theme would be continued, especially with Love Letters. But Then It Wasn't™.

Admittedly.... I had to re-read this one to remember most of it. I liked Booker's ideas on God, 'The conductor of the symphony just may not be very good at his trade' but the plot itself was kind of forgettable. Some fuckin cowboys try to kill a doctor (their second) because he couldn't save their sickly brother. Book tries to stop them, gets killed, and then comes back and kills them all before they get the doctor. Alright. I liked the artstyle because the characters were ugly in a similar way that leandro's are, but way more bearable.

I love the Irony of Booker concluding that there is no such thing as fate or destiny and nothing has meaning, AS HE UNKNOWINGLY SAVES MERRICK'S GRANDFATHER FROM BEING KILLED. Booker getting fucked over by life/god/destiny yet again. It also kind of explains about where the fuck hell Merrick's interest in immortal mercenaries even came from.

I originally had this one a lot higher and then I thought about it and moved it down like two spots.

8 Never Gets Old

I liked seeing Booker interact with his kid. And we got a name for the kid! Philippe was a little bitch though, he was a little obnoxious. I liked how Booker was so thrilled to experience a restaurant with his kid (and since we know he was there before, it can be assumed he went with all of his kids and yet he was so charmed each time). It fits with his line to Nicky in the moon landing story about how you don't appreciate beautiful things 'unless you have someone to share them with'. It was charming to see Booker interact with his kid, and to see him so happy. Also lmao @ Booker's big fat Ye Olde Crush on Andy.

However at the same time it was like.. of all the things to write about,,, I guess? Booker's Night Out...... alright. Especially since Book had so many stories.

I don't know, it was alright. The old man killing him really came out of nowhere, (but the 'Salut, asshole!' panel was funny tho).

9 How To Make a Ghost Town

I've hit a point where talking about these stories has gotten less fun. I liked this one but I felt like Achilles getting lynched was not really necessary for a story that was already tragic (a story that already involved Achilles doing a lot of suffering at the hand of bigots). When we first got the blurb for this story I thought it would be about Andy returning to the squad and making friends with Booker after losing Achilles and them butting heads on the idea of family and when to cut off ties. So a little bit of my underwhelmedness about this one might be just my expectations being different.

Honestly I was pretty interested in Andy and Achilles' relationship and I would've liked to see more of them-- like, what was their dynamic like? What did they love about each other?

But anyways Andy leaving and Achilles getting killed anyways feels so pointlessly tragic (which I suppose is the point..... I don't like tragedies) she left to save him and yet people killed him anyway. Meh.

I did love the bits about Andy wanting to have a domestic life (Andy and her multitudes again) and the little detail about how she buried her axe near the road but he buried his guns under his bed-- he was an escaped slave, he never had the luxury of assuredness like Andy did. It was a sad story.

10 Lacus Solitudinis

'You put this one above love letters crim??? how could you???' easy, lmao.

There was stuff in this one I liked. But to talk about stuff I didn't like: (I'll keep it brief, I know ragging on this story has been done time and time again)

UH, setting aside the 6 year cold shoulder between Joe and Nicky, I thought their chosen method of conflict resolution was... bad at best. Nicky's inability to talk about his feelings was also annoying, especially since the entire point of this story is a fight Joe and Nicky had, and yet we don't get both sides to the story, which is...... important? That fact is especially annoying bc in the absence of Nicky explaining his side of the story, it's absolutely a possible (and admittedly probably unintentional) interpretation of the text that we do get that Joe routinely resolves conflict between him and Nicky by simply cutting Nicky out of his life entirely until Nicky just. caves? Even if it takes years?

WHICH i could get into that interpretation and how fucked up i find it. but im not going to. out of restraint.

I don't know, I think there are a lot of interesting ways to go about this conflict but 'Nicky wants to kill a guy and Joe refuses to acknowledge his existence until he stops because he thinks Nicky is too much of a Good Boy to get his hands dirty like that' ('I wont watch as the world turns his (...) compassion into something ugly'. ) wasn't.. how I would've done it. (I mean you know Joe doesn't give a shit about what Nicky is doing in a moral way, because Joe doesn't even care or mention that Booker is killing those cops too. Joe only cares because he doesn't like the idea of Nicky changing in a way he finds undesirable.)

admittedly I've said before, I do like the emphasis Joe's reaction puts on Nicky's kindness. Joe has a complete inability to cope with Nicky simply Not Being Kind. It speaks to the steadiness of Nicky's compassion all those years. but still that fact doesn't make it the conflict feel worth it

hm. I said I would be brief and I wasn't.

oh well. basically I thought there was interesting conflict potential there but it wasn't done the way I would've liked, and the way it was done leaves a lot of disturbing (and again probably unintended) interpretations to lie.

What I did like? Andy and Joe having that pessimist/optimist dynamic. Joe nerding out about science. Andy not being impressed by The Achievements Of Man. I loved Booker needling at Nicky about his outdated slang and also trying to give him Older Brother advice practically in the same breath. I loved Booker giving The Worst relationship advice ever and Nicky being like 'I Will Not Do That, Ever, Thanks.' the family vibes were so good. The Joenicky vibes left a lot to be desired tho.

11 Love Letters

I talked about my problems with Nicky in this story (and Lacus Solitudinis). I don't know, the story isn't bad but I do hold a little bit of a grudge towards it because its very existence begs the existence of a solo Joe story and we didn't get one. If we never got this story, then we could happily count Lacus Solitudinis and Zanzibar as The Joenicky Stories™ and move on with our lives. sigh.

I remember when we first got the blurb for this story I was really curious about why Nicky specifically + the setting, and the answer kind of feels like 'the author had an idea for a story like this and saw ttt as a good enough place to utilize that idea'. Plus I was really underwhelmed by the Romantic Sentiment in the letter. If you look at it line-by-line, the majority of the letter is actually Nicky talking about how lonely and disturbed he is, rather than actual,, yknow,,, Romantic Sentiment. I mean, compare the van speech and this letter and this letter is just kind of meh in comparison. I liked nicky calling joe wise! and I liked the brief sun/moon metaphor! and otherwise it was eh. It didn't even have cute squad banter, which is why Lacus Solitudinis is above this one.

12 An Old Soul

Nun orgy. Nun orgy?????? Nun orgy.......

The whole story felt like a setup to have a nun orgy. Why did Booker have abs? Why did they do that to Andy's nose? ?????? the art was good at least.

nun orgy.

[thelostguardianau]

The Lost Guardian- Chapter Eight

“Heed the Silenced”

(Authors note: aha.. yknow I should probably stop making promises for this fic. Months later, w/ a chapter that doesn’t have Thomas in it, three different outlines down and i’m really just at the mercy of this fic at this point xD considering midway through writing this chapter I had to cut and rewrite an entire scene i’d spent a month on bc I’d decided that Dee had a chance at redemtion that added an actual direction and a tangable end goal to this story. So. Yeah. And!! A loud Thank You!! to @bumblebeekitten for helping me bounce ideas back & forth for this au and being my beta for this chapter!!)

Character Info & Art:

Patton | Logan | Roman | Virgil | Remy | Deceit | ??? | ???

Chapter Seven | Chapter Nine

Fandom: Thomas Sanders Sides

Pairings: Eventual Polyamsanders (LAMPR/CALMR-a.k.a LAMP/CALM + Remy ‘Sleep’ Sanders)

Warnings: THIS CHAPTER IS KINDA DIALOG HEAVY!(sorry) Currently depicted as morally grey Deceit(subject to change in future chapters), though the side of Deceit from his first appearance doesnt make an appearance in this chapter and it is explained why, mentions of past betrayal and dark descriptions of bodily concepts, curses, limitations, and changes only really explained as possible through the lore of this au. Deceit speaks in riddles because he has to, ominous warnings. Virgil still isn’t okay mentally. Mentions of indifference to death, lack of selfworth or self preservation. (Let me know if I need to add anything!)

[[MORE]]

Brown eyes flutter open at the chilly breeze of a fan, and the ravenette’s mind comes to realize that he’s been moved from resting on his stomach to laying on his back. Groggy from his much too short nap, it takes a few moments to realize there are no warm bodies near him or under him, no breathing or chatter of familiar voices to sooth him.

The room, he realizes, is empty.

The room itself is, in fact, not Remy’s bedroom at all.

Shooting straight up, Virgil’s first clear thought is that he’s back at home. At his apartment, this time in his hoodie yet still roughed up from his latest ���adventure’. The scene is eerily familiar, and yet he knows this time that work is not where he needs to be. It’s already daylight and his mind now knows this familiar scene, he should feel alone. Yet, this time he can hear the sound of honking cars and people, his loud neighbor from upstairs stomping around.

It doesn’t make sense as he walks to his window and peers out to see vague cars and people, he can’t even seem to make out any individual faces. It’s grey and raining outside, but there is no pattering sound against the foggy window. ‘What’s happening?’ Virgil wonders.

“Life seemed so simple a week ago, even months ago, did it not..?” A familiar voice drifts from behind him. Ice cold fear shoots down the ravenette’s spine as he recognizes the voice.

“I can hardly believe you were able to leave it, your routine. It was your everything, back when you came to terms with what you had left. Am I wrong, Virgil?” Whirling around to face the voice, Virgil finds the terrifying ex-Guardian sitting on his couch looking quite at home, if a little sheepish.

“What do you care?” He spat back, stepping back against his window.

“I am only looking out for you, you know. I have been protecting you all your life. Of all people I think I would know what is best for you, don't you think? We are connected after all, you and I.” The man sighed, making a surrendering motion with his hands.

“Why would I trust you?! You tried to kill me yesterday!” Virgil growled. “Why--h-how are you even here!?”

“False, my dear Virgil. I tried to warn you. Sure,” The guardian rolled his hand as he spoke, “I am forced to have a round-about way of speaking my truths, it is just part of my consequences it seems. But how else was I going to get you to listen to me after the others fed you lies about me? I do sincerely apologize for my other half being rough, though. I cannot quite.. Control.. Him.” The guardian tilted his bowler hat down to guiltily hide his eyes, regret briefly twisting his expression.

Finally the Guardian stood, dusting himself off as if his immaculate attire had acquired dust from just existing in his apartment. “I needed my physical body to reach yours and make our soul connection strong again, so that my soul could reach yours. However.. The pain I caused you was far from my intention. I am deeply regretful that it came down to.. That awful encounter.

“To answer your question though, Virgil, I am here because I created ‘here’. A realm made to form this illusion of being home, sweet home, just on the corner of the little street you had come to live on for the past year. It is all my doing. Where you stand is simply an illusion only you and I can access, a manipulation of your dreams and memories. The only place where the real me can talk to you mostly unhindered.” The guardian gestured to his surroundings.

“It takes only one person to flip your life on it’s head, a matter of hours to make the decision of a lifetime, and a matter of days to have completely changed your life’s direction,” He turned to Virgil, and looked him straight in the eyes, feeling distant and lost.

“And only a matter of years to succumb to the depression of the lonely consequences..”

Virgil blinked at that. The sad, longing tone had him thrown for a loop; it almost felt like the Guardian wasn't even quite talking to Virgil. “I-What..? I.. I don’t understand.”

The Guardian shook his head, snapping out of it and refocusing himself. "Nevermind that. It is time I talked to you for real, if you will have me?" The Guardian held out a hand politely, though there was no real expectation for Virgil to take it.

After a pause, Virgil gave a slight nod, still suspicious of the other's intent. The Guardian returned the nod, and his hand fell to his side.

“I am limited to the time that you rest and for now I will not be able to explain myself thoroughly, so, I ask you to understand that I do not expect you to trust me when I am done. I honestly do not expect you to ever trust me. With the mistakes I have made, I firmly believe I would not deserve it.”

Virgil blinked in surprise, not having expected his captor to admit to his faults straight off the bat.

“Okay.. Well, we’re here, might as well hear your side of the story. So.. Shoot.” Virgil said lightly, distrust and suspicion still evident in his tone and stance.

“I would assume at this point you are well aware of how the story you have been told paints me as the villain, a mastermind seeking power, immortality, and revenge? At least, that is what I am led to believe is still the story, it has been many years since I have heard the tale first hand… And... Well. Would that not be so lovely?” Virgil made a face, eyes narrowing in confusion.

“I am serious. Life would be so much easier if it was all black and white, true or false, good and bad, would it not? If those who meant well knew everything and those malicious few could not corrupt anything?” The Guardian frowned a bit, frustrated with his words that couldn’t seem to cooperate with him.

“Would it not be lovely if I could talk to you without fighting to keep from turning every honest thought into a question or theoretical statement just to let it be said? That my words could hold a meaning not forcibly disguised in the forms of fables and riddles?” The Guardian looked down lamely, his words tapering off in agitation. For a moment, Virgil waited as the Guardian was silent, contemplative. Then, the next moment the Guardian’s face scrunched up in sadness and his words were soft as he placed a hand over his golden wrist markings.

“My story is complicated, and twisted with shades of grey. One could say what I did was an attempt to keep you safe, another could say that what I did was outlandish and impulsive, and stupid. But no one will be able to tell you that what I did went according to the plan I had... at first. No one will tell you that my intention was to save you, to keep your fate safe. No one will tell you that my plan was ruined. Because there is no longer anyone who remembers what happened that night except for me,”

The Guardian’s eyes flicked up to meet the ravenette’s, a hurt look passing over his face as he continued. His steady voice now just barely trembled with uncertainty as he continued.

“No one but me and the soul who wants so desperately for everyone to forget. The soul who ripped my own in two to bury the secret, and ruin you and I both.”

“My final warning is this: Beware of the man who carries the world on his shoulders unflinchingly, he will be watching you closely. You have immunity to his power thanks to our connection, you might use this knowledge well to find the truth that lies in plain sight. However, your fate lies in the decisions you chose to make with this knowledge, I can only warn you of what might come.” The Guardian nodded solemnly, choosing to finish his cryptic warning there.

Virgil stood there, reeling with the information. Sure, he definitely wasn’t completely convinced he could trust this cryptic stranger, Guardian? Foe? Friend? Virgil wasn’t really sure what to call him anymore. But damn, his life was already so fucking crazy, this was all just fucking crazy! He could just be dreaming for all he knew.

But… Deep inside, he was hoping he wasn’t.

This was, well. This wasn’t what he’d been expecting to hear when facing the man whose, er, body? Had originally tried to strangle him? Now he’d heard his sob story and, well, Virgil wasn’t that easy to fool, but he’d also been told that it wasn’t expected that he’d trust the guy even in the end and he didn’t really want to.

He’d been on the path to death for so long, and then just two days ago everything had changed. So much was happening, it was frankly exhausting. What the fuck was he, some book protagonist? Couldn’t he get a little time to think about all this before he went crazy?

Still, something under all his incredulity begged to hear the guardian out. He vaguely wondered how Stockholm Syndrome worked before he gave in a little. What difference did a little more crazy make in his life at this point?

“Fine, I’ll heed your warning, or whatever the fuck. But only if you can tell me what you mean when you said that this guy ripped your, uh, soul? In two.” Virgil huffed, partially relaxing. It was odd how comforting he found it to be, floating in this weird feeling imaginary world, where he could interact with objects that weren’t real. It felt like he was really standing in his home, and yet it was just built from memory.

The guardian’s solemn expression formed into a grim smile, eyes distant once more before nodding. “I will do the best that my words will allow.” Virgil nodded, and waited for the now very familiar stranger to gather his words and take a breath. Then he began, his markings lightly flashing gold.

“You find yourself whole one day, as you have always been. To be whole of body, whole of mind, both human and guardian in nature. To have conscious thought and control over your whole physical being and soul..

“You find that yourself and others of the winged variety are capable of separating your soul from your being, though only the most Elite can do it well. You find out the family you made would soon be in danger. You then find yourself lost and alone when you once had a home to call your own.

“You find yourself knowing a truth, a perilous truth. Your home is in shambles now that you are gone, yet they do not know it. This truth is at fault, but the blame is not fully your own in a world built on lies.

“The source of truth tucks itself into blankets of grey, drawing itself further from discovery with each passing day. Now only you know the truth. The source of the truth finds you, it seeks to hide you too.

“You find yourself split one day, as you have never been before. Forced apart from the body, trapped within the mind. Guardian in nature, to have conscious thought and your dying soul trapped within, a false mind piloting the puppeteered confines of a broken body with a blind goal.”

“You find you cannot control what you used to, you are a prisoner to a body that is no longer your own, mostly unconscious to the world around it. Crazed by the false emotions that fuel it.”

“The you that used to be is no longer, and has not been for over a hundred years. The world that knew you knows not of what you’ve become. Knows not of the shackles that bind you.

“The you that used to be is no longer, and will never be again.” The Guardian finished, hesitant yellow eyes meeting Virgil’s carefully. Phantom goosebumps trail down Virgil's arms as the final sentence strikes a cord in him.

Virgil found he really wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, the rawness in the other’s tone spoke volumes of the sore spot they’d reached.

“Your body rests, but your mind also needs time to process today. I shall see you when you next rest, though only if you wish to seek me. Rest well knowing that you will not be scooped from your safety once more, as I hope I’m never to do so again. And...” The guardian paused, considering their next words very carefully.

“I know it is selfish to ask... but, I hope and wish that Thomas is alright, after all this time... Do take care of him, would you?”

Virgil paused and stared, finding only concern and longing in the guardian’s expression. And, well, fuck. What a way to pull at a guy’s heartstrings.

“Er, yes. Yeah. I’ll try my best.” Virgil gave his signature mock salute, the Guardian tipping his hat in return.

“Trying is all I could ever ask of you, Virgil. Rest well, you will need it.” And with that final sentence, the world around Virgil gently grew dark, and he sunk into the comforting arms of sleep.

Despite it all, Virgil still found his mind vaguely conscious. Sluggish at best, but awake nonetheless.

He figured it was likely some lingering effect from the Guardian’s dream realm, but didn’t dwell on it. His life had way too much else going on to be debating the side effects gained from Guardian powers.

First, he’d been pretty damn convinced two days ago that he was going to be a goner by the end of the month. Completely resigned to die believing that his very existence was scorned by the world he’d been unwillingly born into.

Then Patton had stumbled onto his shitty apartment’s roof, found him in all of his resigned and depressed glory, and changed his life forever.

They’d mostly skipped the whole ‘Human nature is a series of life, death, and rebirth’ spiel that guardians were known to give in these situations because... Well, It wasn’t like they’d really had time to address it before the truth about his soul had come out. That he wasn’t exactly human to begin with.

Virgil didn’t think that Guardians had ever had a situation like his before. There wasn’t a protocol for comforting a kidnapped guardian soul. It’d never been a possibility before!

So it wasn’t surprising then, that Virgil didn’t have any better of a time processing it.

His whole life, all that he’d known to be true, all that he’d believed in? Everything had been uprooted and turned on its head. He’d apparently been living a life that was not supposed to be.

Perhaps for the first time in two days, Virgil realized that the thought of his death at the end of the month had not been consistently worming into his brain. It had once been something he could never seem to stop thinking about.

The death indicated by his soul timer was now perhaps the farthest thing from his mind.

Perhaps the strangest thing so far was that he wasn’t alone anymore. He’d possibly had more physical contact with other people in the short two(three?) days since this adventure started then he’d had in the past 16 years.

And wasn’t it just the cherry on top that he’d also gotten nearly choked out by the very guardian accused of kidnapping his soul in the first place? And now he was considering trusting the damn guy.

Virgil hollowly wondered why he even cared.

Why did he care about staying alive now when he’s spent his whole life believing he never would? Up until two days ago, that belief had still been true. But now? Avoiding death was the goal, Logan had stated as much.

Really, would Virgil lose anything by trusting the banished guardian? Even if the guardian was trying to trick Virgil and got him killed, what difference would it make? That’d always been the goal before. What did he, Virgil, really have to lose?

If it happened that Virgil lived past his twentieth birthday, if he became a guardian like he was supposed to be in the first place. Would he want that? Did he want that?

He wasn’t sure. Didn’t know if he ever had been.

His life had been built on resignation to the inevitable. Nothing seemed to motivate him towards liking or hating that possibility. He was just that.

Indifferent.

And wasn’t that just the greatest revelation of the night? Finding out that you’re indifferent to living or dying.

Once this was all over, if Virgil lived that long, he would make a note to see a therapist. He knew very well that this kind of mindset was unhealthy to keep. It just couldn’t be helped that the nineteen years he’d lived with this particular affliction couldn’t be fixed by a few extra hugs and comforting words.

Even if he didn’t like the fact that death sounded like the more peaceful option.

His thoughts paused, mentally sighing at the downward spiral he’d caught himself in. It was tiring, and going nowhere.

‘For now,’ he decided, ‘I’m just going to see how this plays out. The Guardian said that none of the others remember the truth, or whatever. So, It’s a ‘he said-they said’ situation right now...’

‘I’ll have to keep an eye out for the guy that he warned me about, then. Who knows if he's as dangerous as The Guardian made him out to be. It’s hard to tell with the weird way he has to talk..’

Virgil paused again, a realization striking him. If he could have groaned, he would have. Not once had he been given or even remembered to ask for the name of said Guardian. What was he supposed to call the rogue Guardian now? He couldn’t just keep calling him The Guardian!

Amidst the disbelief of such a slip up, a foreign yet familiar feeling prodded questioningly at his conscious mind. Adding confusion into the mix of emotions, he returned the feeling with a questioning thought of his own.

He briefly heard the Guardian’s whispy voice once more, now acting with permission.

“You may call me Janus”

Then all at once, Virgil woke up.

.

.

.

Chapter Nine

[crossdressingdeath]

About JFM loving CSSR, we have this in the book ch56. "The entirety of the cultivation world knew that third lady Yu had cultivated together with Jiang FengMian when they were young. Jiang FengMian’s character was gentle, yet Yu ZiYuan’s personality was harsh. The two didn’t share too many interactions. Thus, although their backgrounds matched, nobody associated the two as a pair. Later, ZangSe SanRen came from the mountains, passed by Yunmeng, and happened to become friends with Jiang 1/6

FengMian. They had even night-hunted together on multiple occasions. Both thought highly of each other. People supposed that it was very likely for ZangSe SanRen to become the next mistress of Lotus Pier.However, soon afterward, the MeishanYu Sect proposed an alliance through marriage to the YunmengJiang Sect. The leader of the Jiang Sect back then was quite interested, but Jiang FengMian had no such intentions. He didn’t like Yu ZiYuan’s conduct and felt that the two wouldn’t be an 2/6

appropriate match. He had politely refused the offer a handful of times. However, the MeishanYu Sect set about multiple factors, putting pressure on Jiang FengMian, who was at the time still fairly young and had nothing to lean on. Along with the fact that, not long later, ZangSe SanRen had become cultivation partners with the most loyal servant at Jiang FengMian’s side, Wei ChangZe, and rode off into the sunset, roaming around the world, Jiang FengMian finally gave up. Although Jiang and Yu3/6

were married, they had ever since been a grudging couple. They had always been living apart and held the most disagreeable of conversations. Aside from the strengthening of their sect’s powers, nobody knew what other benefits they had attained." So it makes it sound like JFM might have been interested in CSSR, but it's unknown if he ever even made it known to CSSR. People writing him as in undying love are clearly angling to put all the blame for YZY's atrocious behavior on JFM's supposed4/6

obsession, and not the fact that JFM was forced into a marriage with a women he knew he would never get along with by her family, probably at her demand, a woman who chose to live in a separate compound with people only from the Yu sect and forbidden to others, makes her dislike for Lotus Pier known and spends as much time as possible away on night hunts, on top of her apparently being unable to have a conversation without screaming in anger or saying hurtful things to everyone around her.5/6

Like, fuck the patriarchy and everything, but I don't think that in this particular marriage, YZY is the victim or even one of the aggrieved parties, but rather the source of what makes it so bad and miserable. It's really annoying that bc JFM (just like WWX) is uncomplaining and don't air his griefs every second of the day at the top of his lungs, the fandom chooses to believe and support the most vocal parties like YZY and JC in their made-up accusations instead of using critical thinking6/6

Yes! JFM certainly liked CSSR; she was his friend, and losing her and WCZ was certainly the last push that led to JFM marrying YZY, but it doesn’t immediately follow that he was in love with her at all, much less an undying love and obsession. And it was the Yu sect that pushed for the marriage and pretty much forced him into it; JFM explicitly didn’t like YZY and certainly didn’t want to marry her.

And yeah, people insisting that JFM only isn’t a good loyal husband because he’s still in love with CSSR is weird, because... YZY is cruel. She’s cruel and hateful and awful to everyone around her and blames a dead woman for the fact that she’s such a horrible person that she actively drives her husband away. She actively avoids him and then claims he’s ignoring her out of obsession over his dead friend when he listens to her clear wishes and leaves her alone! She torments his ward and then claims WWX is his bastard when JFM tells her to knock it off because the thought of him just not wanting her whipping and berating a child who has never done anything to her is inconceivable to her! She teaches her son to lash out and scream and blame everyone but himself for his shortcomings and then calls it favouritism when JFM clearly prefers the child who follows the tenets of his sect over the one who throws a temper tantrum when he isn’t handed glory on a silver platter! The patriarchy sucks, but it’s not the patriarchy that’s spitting cruel and hateful things at anyone who even tries to make Lotus Pier more of a home for her! She’s not in the right just because she yells the loudest! I really wish certain sections of the fandom would pay more attention to what’s actually happening instead of just... deciding YZY and JC are in the right because they’re the ones who complain the loudest (and never mind the fact that the rest of the Jiang family just aren’t the type to complain even when they’re being deeply wronged).

[holly-so-jolly]

they blocked me but lol amegaotakupositivity2 is so performative like. the moment someone who has been a victim of amegaotaku tries and talks to yall u:

1. Cant read shit thats being said to u or choose to selectively read things being said to u

2. Lack empathy for their victims and the trauma one has been put through bc clearly now that u have experienced a third of what was our lives for several years makes you more experienced on everything amegaotaku so therefore we cannot comment on how we think ur approaching this and how it can even be seen as mocking to us and demeaning of our experiences, let alone not want to hear or care for them. You only ever make it about yourself.

3. Feel the need to compulsively LIE to others abt what someones said about you.

Amegaotakupositivity2 doesn’t care about people who have been harassed and only want clout from this situation and it can be seen by the way they have spoken to several of amegaotakus victim.

I am using this old holly so jolly @ i hoarded when this burner amega used was deleted. Again as a victim the last thing u would want is to contact ur harasser but. Literally moments after hoarding this amegaotakupositivity2 was just do thirsty for attention that they messaged me first. One of the reasons i turned dms off for this blog. Even though the first encounter was a bit off i still tried to be polite about it and tell them that this account was being held by someone else. Even amega commented through her bubbles burner saying she could get another url, which is when she went by hollysojolly without the dashes.

When amega brought up the blog impersonating my friend “cass” i decided to speak up to amegaotakupositivit2 since they were already someone i had dm’d before about being part of the old fandom and why amegaotaku was using “cass” as one of her burners. I was immediately met with mistrust from amop2 and w claims of being another burner because i had implied the cass burner was real which i had not. My guess is they had misread my message so i explained myself better on a second one in hopes they could spread the word and even offered them to answer any questions about td fanbase if they needed and explained the reason i was contacting them through a burner was due to being scared of amega finding my main/contacting me due to past trauma w the tasha persona. They stopped replying after that. Being met with this i felt a bit uneasy with their lack of empathy so i decided to make any further contact through anonymous messaging.

I gave them a tip about a blog that had just spawned after the tasha blog deletition that had followed me and a friend out of nowhere. Apparently this was one of their friends in the end and i explained why i had felt uneasy by the blog being so new and following me. By this time “cass” had contacted amop2 about how traumatic this was for them and how they seem to be playing it off as a joke, to which they reacted poorly amd made claims of them being gaslit. “Cass” did get angry because this was triggering to them, and they got blocked and tried to apologize to amop2 through angie

When i tried to explain the reasoning for cass’ outburst being the fact that they were triggered and reminded of previous clout chasers from our past experiences and gave some insight on what the tasha persona had done to us they completely ignored EVERYTHING and went back to cass being mean to them. And blocked me.

I dont want this to be a callout of any sort, i’m sure they’re probably very young and feeling attacked and learning new hot words like “gaslighting” but i just want to make my experience as a previous victim of amegaotaku known. No blogs have given me a safe feeling to come forward to, because it almost feels like blogs like amegaotakupositivity2 just want the clout from the situation.

I can show all the dms we have had as far because it’s sad that someone who wants to allegedly get information on amegaotaku or her burner tasha wont at all listen to what previous victims of her had to say. I will be moving this account somewhere else because seeing my abuser come back and actually find my blog and contact me has been pretty bad on me and my own mental health and talking to amop2 has only made me feel worse.

DMs between us:

[typewriterghcst]

Title: When the Sun Leaves the Field Fandom: The Cat Returns Rating: uhhhhh let’s go with. like. PG or PG13ish for. Heavy Themes. speaking of— Warnings: I struggled with how to word this, and I hope I can still manage anyhow with making it clear— there are a lot of parallels with suicide in this story, so I would advise that if you are very sensitive to that subject, you might give this one a pass. Other than that, y. yeah, there’s heavy overarching themes of death all over the place. The notes paragraph will probably clear up what I mean Characters: Cat King, Natori, mentions of other characters Summary: It’s good to have someone at the end of the road. Notes: For this meme, and the prompt of ‘When I am dead’ with the added bonus of ‘if it makes it painful: one-sided. :)’ bc @madamhatter is a sadist jfjfkd;a Or. Maybe just an enabler. Either way I absolve myself of all responsibility with this one :v Tho for the record, this is using the weird manga-inspired verse I use on the ask blog, and I will actually apologize for that preemptively 9_9;;

&&&

They had begun their trek in the early morning (what passed for early morning), not under the cover of darkness but simple isolation. They had left early in the interest of privacy. Of concern and long-lived affection. No one needed to know yet.

They stop for a meal in the Finch Kingdom. Natori thinks they must look quite a pair for those who are too young to recognize them, Claudius slouching languidly with one foot hooked against the table to tip his chair back and Natori himself sitting prim and timid with his feet gathered up beneath him and paws folded demurely on the table.

“...do you remember when we first met?” Claudius eventually asks, and it feels so sudden it takes Natori a long minute to register it. And by the time it does, that ever-present gnawing guilt has settled into its usual spot before its accompanying source’s arrival.

He shakes his head with a rueful smile. “You know I don’t.”

To that, Claudius doesn’t respond for some time, staring out at the mellow passersby and combing absently at his mustache, an idle habit he’s never been able to totally shake.

Finally, Natori speaks up again, gentle, low. “How was our first meeting, Claudius..?”

His companion gives a pensive noise or two, still absently worrying at a handful of long fur before his mind seems to come back to him. “Feels kinda weird to relay the story to someone who was there, babe.”

“Well, pretend I’m someone else, then.” A light, almost playful piece of advice, but one which seems to loosen Claudius' tongue.

"Don't really want someone else, though.”

"That's sweet of you."

"Heh. I'm always sweet, babe."

"Some of your courtiers might be inclined to say otherwise."

"Bah, what do they know."

Natori laughs. "Not enough, I suppose."

They lapse into another silence, then, lost in the murmuring chatter of the residents of the Finch Kingdom going about their day. Natori is just on the verge of politely asking when they might leave.

"It was a disaster. I made an ass of myself."

"Oh, it couldn't have been that bad." Spoken affectionately, but with perhaps a knowing edge.

"It could and it was," Claudius persists. “I'd seen you over and over again, always trailing after the queen. I could tell you weren't royalty, an' I made a… an assumption."

Somewhere, Natori is beset by both a distant humiliation and the fervent wish that he might remember more, that this description, vague as it is, might be just the trigger to jog his unreliable memory. Alas, the vague but deeply-rooted embarrassment is all that arises.

“You thought I was a companion of a certain, ah, character.”

“Oh, so you do remember, you fibber.”

Natori laughs again. “That was only the logical conclusion.”

“I know.” Claudius’ chair comes finally crashing down with a thunderous clap, and he’s unfazed by the curious glances and annoyed frowns the action brings the two of them. Natori rather oddly feels no compulsion to direct apologetic smiles or other motions to their fellow diners, either.

“Guess we should get a move on.”

“Yes.”

They leave the Finch Kingdom behind, and start not for one of its neighboring kingdoms, but for the aimless, trackless space between them. Unusually, Claudius wordlessly trails after his advisor, trusting wholly in Natori's knowledge in a way he hasn't in quite some time.

“Has your mind changed?” Natori questions once, and even he himself can hear the veiled wish that his companion’s resolution might be faltering, despite his best efforts.

“How do you think Lune’s doing right now? You think he’s noticed we’re gone yet?”

“...I would be quite surprised if he hasn’t yet, yes.”

“It’s too bad, Natori. You know?”

“I know.”

“Just too bad,” Claudius continues to mumble under his breath.

Natori doesn’t answer.

“He’s going to be fine, though, you know? I think we prepared him pretty good, myself.”

“I’ll be keeping my eye on him for you,” is Natori’s subdued, faint reply, and it’s this time that Claudius finds himself unable to form a response, so much so that a thick silence settles heavily between them for a long moment. It isn’t lessened by Natori turning to survey him with measured uncertainty, either, and it seems to Claudius that they spend an inordinate eternity simply sharing this somber gaze, and gradually coming to an unspoken understanding.

Finally, when he can’t stand it anymore, he does look away with a restrained snort. There’s a lump in his throat that’s somewhat easily ignored, more so than the impossible to define tangle of emotions in his chest, at least.

“Still got it, babe. Sure know how to set an old cat’s mind at ease.”

The hesitant but affectionate smile Natori gives him is an oddly exquisite pain, too brittle and too honest; he almost wants to look away.

“Oh, I’m going to miss you,” the other cat murmurs in a manner which seems almost involuntary, and Claudius thinks it sounds something like a lovelorn admission of guilt. Or perhaps he only hopes.

“Well, who wouldn’t?” He declares.

“Who wouldn’t.” Natori echoes obligingly.

They walk for a long time. There comes a time when Claudius gets bored of it and sits, and Natori settles down beside him without comment or complaint.

“It’s a sorry place for a nap, babe,” Claudius remarks.

Natori’s response, Claudius realizes, is to lean into his shoulder with a contented noise, and it’s a show of comfort and affection that does not pass him by. The ex-king decides to return the favor, though he rather quickly finds lying across Natori’s lap a far more inviting position. Natori laughs.

“Intolerable, still, Claudius..?”

He waits a long moment to respond. He’d been bored, restless, not necessarily fatigued, but now he finds his eyelids are inexplicably heavy, and he doesn’t fight the urge to doze a little.

“...nah. I take it back.”

He can hear the fondness in Natori’s voice when he eventually replies. “Well. I’m always pleased to meet your expectations.”

It’s this muted emotion which stirs Claudius to let go of the remorse he’s been holding on to since they left. Since before they left. Perhaps he’s held it since they first met, humiliating wrong assumption regarding the cat’s position and all. Love at first sight. It’s a terribly impractical thing, but he’s nothing if he is not ruled by that kind of passion and impulsivity.

“I should have done it, babe. You know? When I first had the thought, when I first felt it, maybe even way back when Sephie left— I should have set you up beside me with a crown, too. Made it official and everything. Bet no one would have objected.” Or, more accurately, had they objected, they’d have most likely been in for a very long drop.

The faltering quirk to Natori’s muzzle makes his smile appear particularly rueful. “I’ve never wanted a crown of my own, Claudius.” Even in times long past when he’d been blessed with one in response to faint acquiescence alone.

“But you would have gone along with it anyway, wouldn’t you? If I had asked you to?”

The permissive (if inextricably reluctant) hum Natori uses to agree with him feels strangely comforting. Familiar. Claudius closes his eyes again.

“I would have,” Natori eventually murmurs. “If you had asked me to. But I was always most content where I was, ha. So, tell yourself nothing was wasted.”

“I’ll do that.”

It isn’t the admission of reciprocated sentiment he’d hoped for, and it stings, but he supposes it will do at the end of the world. When he leaves, he contents himself with a brushed kiss atop the head and the barest, lingering touch of their entwined paws.

Natori returns to the Carp Kingdom alone.

[skywalkerbc]

Mads’ massive bellarke rec (pt.1)

So I’ve been asked a couple times to make a bellarke fanfiction rec list so here it is! (Okay so I realised that I had way too many bc our fandom is filled with so many talented authors so even though this is actually massive, there will be several parts)

(Also- I don’t know everyone’s tumblrs so if you know any of these author’s tumblr accounts, please lmk so I can link them properly!)

In no particular order, here are some of my all time fav blarke fics:

~

MODERN-VERSE AUS

I dreamed you a sin (and a lie) by monroeslittle

“If I do this,” Blake said, “how are you imagining it’s going to work? I can’t just knock on his door, and say I want in again. It’s been eleven years. And even before I left, I never cared about the business. Do you have a plan? You say you want me to open the door for an agent. How? What’s that mean?”

“You’re going to get in touch with your grandfather again at your wedding,” Clarke said.

He stared.

“I hope you don’t have a girlfriend, Mr. Blake.”

fake!married AU. Clarke's in the FBI, Bellamy's the grandson of a mobster, and they've got to work together.

~

Lines in the Sand by @fen-ha-fuck-you

“You looked like you were gonna hurl when you got up,” Raven said, pausing for a moment. “I’m not sure this is better.”

Clarke shook her head minutely, finally looking up at herself in the mirror. She quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen. She hadn’t even noticed. “I’m fine.”

“No,” Raven replied, her eyebrows scrunching together. “You’re not.”

“I just… had a little too much to drink. That’s all.”

“That why you’re strangling that poor sink?”

~

i’m not asking much of you by emmylou

When Clarke gets invited to her ex's wedding- her CHEATING ex's wedding- she knows she can't go alone. She's not dating anyone, so she has to find a boyfriend, real or fake, fast. Luckily, Octavia knows just the guy.

~

I’d Promise You Everything (But I’m Not Sure How Much Good There Is In That) by @talistheintrovert

Bellamy has never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, but Clarke outright hates it. Her father died at the start of February when she was in high school, she found out her first boyfriend was cheating on her two weeks later, and then almost exactly a year after that, her girlfriend dumped her to travel around Asia.

But now they're in their 20s and Bellamy finally admitted that he loved her a few months ago. He knows this is the real thing and he absolutely knows that she feels the same way, but he also knows how miserable Clarke gets around Valentine's, and he's determined to cheer her up this time.

~

hold me in your beating heart by amberwoods

He’d got out of bed and walked to the nursery to console his youngest child. When he’d been shushing and cradling her for about twenty minutes, he noticed a silhouette hovering in the door opening. Clarke.

“I’ve got her,” he’d said softly, his voice rough with sleep, “Go back to bed.”

She just stood there. When he took a closer look, he noticed she had a strange expression on her face. She was looking at Madi.

“Clarke?” he asked carefully.

~

And There’s a Hand My Trusty Friend by Who_Needs_Reality

He sighs dramatically. “Can’t believe you’re not gonna let me kiss you until next year.” That sends a sudden, sharp jolt of sadness through Clarke, the realisation that they’re going to be spending another day spent pretending that she’s not his; it means ushering in their first year together… by, well, not being together.

Or, {NYE fluff where Bellamy and Clarke are together, but since they're keeping it a secret from their friends, they run into an unforeseen complication.}

~

A Little Bit of Something (God, It’s Better Than Nothing) by @grumpybell

“-Clarke.” He sounds alarmed, suddenly, none of the casual, arrogant, amusement that had been in his voice moments before. “What?” “Why is your mom calling me?” “Shit. Don't answer that. Listen, okay. She and I kind of got into an argument today-” “-what else is new?” “Shut up. Anyway, she told me she's getting married and there was just so much subtext about my failure at relationships and my lack of love life, and I might have told her I'm engaged too.” There's silence on the other end of the phone. “To you,” Clarke prompts.

~

I Don’t Need Your Love (I Just Need You Now) by @talistheintrovert

“What was the worst part?” Raven asked.

“Probably when he shoved me against a wall and stuck his tongue down my throat,” Clarke admitted, sipping her hot chocolate, which she quickly realised was spiked with rum. God, her friends were perfect.

Octavia and Raven both gasped, but it was Bellamy’s reaction that she found the most interesting. He didn’t say anything, didn’t look up from his book, or even alter his expression, but his hand balled into a fist on the arm of his chair.

OR: The AU where Clarke and Bellamy hate each other until Bellamy realises she's being mistreated, and does his best to protect her.

~

Come Close (And Then Even Closer) by sheryl_sems

Clarke thinks about Octavia and how her best friend had stormed out of the house earlier that day, furious at Clarke for taking her brother's side in their argument. She thinks about Raven, and Monty, and Jasper, and Wells, and Lincoln but in the end, she really only wants one person by her side and it's fruitless to fight herself on this one.

"Could you call Bellamy?" She finally says in a soft, hoarse whisper.

Or the one where Clarke is attacked and the only person she wants by her side in the aftermath is Bellamy Blake.

~

You Look Like a Movie. You Sound Like a Song. by lordmxrphy

She knows shouldn’t care. She and Bellamy were never together. They never dated. But for as long as Clarke can remember, Bellamy’s held her heart. Even if he’ll never know it.

(a modern au inspired by when we were young by adele)

~

What We Do to Each Other by marauders_groupie

A Bellarke AU in which Bellamy and Clarke are childhood best friends, separated by life and trying to relearn each other again.

~

A Symbol of Goodwill And Love by LayALioness

“So when you said we need a good tree, you meant,” he hedges, and she huffs, little clouds of steam escaping her mouth.

“One that needs a good home,” she says, like it’s obvious. “Shopping for a Christmas tree is like going to the pound—you don’t look for a purebred at the pound, Bellamy. You look for the puppy with a missing eye, or mange. One that needs us.”

“If this is code for wanting us to get a puppy,” Bellamy muses, reaching out to tug on the tassels of her hat. “I think we should probably live together, first.”

~

We Have to Stop Meeting Like This by @goldenheadfreckledheart

Tumblr prompt: “We both have friends who party too hard and we keep running into each other in the bathroom while we hold their hair back.”

Aka, the three times Bellamy and Clarke meet each other while taking care of their friends + the one time they don’t.

~

Christmas Sweaters by lightyears

Clarke's upset that she won't fit into her Christmas sweater this year. Bellamy surprises her with a new one.

~

Ladylike by Who_Needs_Reality

Bellamy stares at her. "You want me to make out with you. Platonically."

Clarke very resolutely does not panic. "Do it for the views, Bellamy."

(Or, an AU in which Clarke works for a Buzzfeed-esque company, and has to kiss someone in order to test lipstick durability for a new video. Feelings and decidedly non-platonic nonsense ensue.)

~

Love Is Not a Victory March by @asroarke

“You could have been here four years ago,” she reminded, raising her eyebrows at him.

“No, I couldn’t have. I needed to be here with you,” he replied, and Clarke felt like the breath had been knocked out of her. It wasn’t the first time he said something like that, of course. But it caught her off guard every damn time.

“Was it worth the wait?”

“Yes, you were,” he replied, and how could Clarke not kiss him after that?

Olympics AU where a knee injury kept Bellamy and Clarke from making it to the Olympics... the first time around.

~

the tie that binds me to you by glowinghorizons

“we’ve been pen pals for like hella months and we finally decided to meet up and damn you’re cute, also did you break up with your jerk bf/gf yet?” au

or:

bellamy and clarke finally meet after months and months of hand-written letters, phone calls and text messages.

~

you bring me honeysuckle by caramelle

It suddenly strikes Bellamy, one day, that his girlfriend is in possession of what has to be the best hair in the entire cosmos.

Or, the one where Bellamy's fixation with Clarke's hair is totally normal and healthy.

~

Walk With Me by arysa13

Bellamy is pretty sure you aren't supposed to hit on the people you're supposed to be getting home safely, but he kind of wants to anyway.

Prompt: Bellamy works at safe walk and Clarke keeps falling asleep studying. And is the last one to leave the library every night!

~

Sugar, Spice, and All Things Nice by Who_Needs_Reality

Clarke just really wants a peppermint mocha. Breaking into the apartment of her ex, with whom she may-or-may-not still kind of be madly in love, is an unplanned side effect. Mostly.

Based on the prompt "listen i know i can’t just show up at your apartment at six in the morning but i need coffee and no one makes it like you do”

~

time flies but you’re the pilot by @onemanbellarmy

“Wait a minute, your new art teacher is Clarke Griffin?”

Gus paused to consider. “I think so?”

A huff of a surprised laugh escaped Bellamy. He hadn’t talked to Clarke since college.

(or, single parent x child's teacher AU)

~

the girl next door by funfanfin

The first time he hears her, he’s making his grandmother’s afritada recipe, a dish that reminds him of long, lazy, hot summers in the Philippines.

The first time he learns her name is on a Tuesday so ordinary and average he wouldn’t have remembered it otherwise.

The first time he realizes he loves her is during the early hours of a cool morning, with her curled into his side.

-OR-Bellamy hears singing from the apartment next door. It isn't long before he meets the girl behind the smoky, haunted voice, and it isn't long before he learns the reasons for her sorrow-filled singing.

~

only fools rush in by @chants-de-lune

based on the tumblr prompt:

"just drove a guy home from a bar and for the whole 15 minutes he talked about how excited he was to see his wife"

~

the fuzziest of woodland creatures by tempestaurora

“it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping”

~

Settling Debts by indygoh

"Um. Thank you. You didn't have to," she peeked up at him, suddenly shy for some reason. "I can pay you back."

Bellamy just chuckled, already shaking his head before she could finish her sentence.

"I've got a little sister. She probably would have kicked my ass if she found out I didn't do something to help you out back there."

Clarke raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Do you always rescue strange girls in desperate need of tampons?"

"Only the really cute ones with crowns on their butts."

~

when love hits (better make it worth the fall) by kay_emm_gee

Summary: Four times Clarke gets hit on the head (+1 time she doesn't) during her last semester of high school, and every single time, Bellamy Blake is somehow involved.

~

Turn the tide on my losing side by Lalalli

Clarke doesn’t know why Thelonius Jaha keeps posting really random shit to her Facebook wall, but whatever. It’s fine. It was weird at first, but she’s used to it now.

And then Bellamy gets involved and it gets weird again.

~

My Soft Place to Land by Who_Needs_Reality

Bellamy's happy to be back. He's even happier to see who's waiting for him.

{Or, soldier!Bellamy comes back home after being deployed and meets someone special}

~

We Keep it a Secret (You Leave Me Dying to Know) by @ringsabellamy

Bellamy doesn’t claim to be the greatest at dating, especially considering he’s been quietly in love with his best friend for the past six years, but hey, at least he’s been /trying/ to get over her. Not, of course, that this current situation is helping.

Or: Bellamy just asked Clarke to fake being his girlfriend for one date, honest. But then things got a little...out of hand.

~

If You Like Your Coffee Hot by marauders_groupie

They haven't been friends for a very long time but Bellamy still can't ignore Clarke acting out and getting into fights when she was a model student just a few months ago. They might’ve kept each other at distance for years but she is still his first best friend.

~

Calm my tears, Kill these fears by @goldenheadfreckledheart

Prompt: I somehow always get you as a cashier at Walmart and it's always when I’m buying the weirdest shit at the weirdest time. “A head of lettuce at 3am?” "It's a long story”

~

bit of a disaster, aren’t we? by katsumi

Clarke breaks her ankle and really would prefer that Bellamy not find out about it. She has a feeling he's going to get mad. (She's right.)

~~~

CANON-VERSE AUS

Meet Me in the Morning by monroeslittle

“I guess one of us is messed up,” he said, “and it’s part of our hallucination that the other is, too.” He paused. “Seems appropriately hellish that my mind sticks me with you.”

She pursed her lips. “Likewise.”

AU. Clarke is trapped in a stupid time loop, and guess who's trapped with her?

~

I Miss Our Little Talks by @chants-de-lune

“Wow,” she breathed out. “I thought that one would have done me in.”

Bellamy didn’t smile, shaking his head and taking the slightest edge of coldness off his glare.

“You took a bullet for me.” he said through gritted teeth. “Don’t ever do that again.”

~

Today is Dying by theprincessandtheking

“Look, sorry, but it’s an emergency,” Harper said, eyes firmly fixed on the wall ahead of her.

The tea he’d downed at the bar was still in his system, as evidenced by the way the room spun when he reached for his shirt a few feet away and struggled to pull it over his head.

“So much of an emergency that you couldn’t knock?”

“It’s Clarke.”

~

That I Will Never Escape by @talistheintrovert

“Execute me; I poisoned you. Let Clarke live."

“Very well,” Octavia raised a hand and a soldier with a gun pointed it down at him. He steeled himself for the bullet that would end his life, but before it left the chamber, Clarke yelled out.

“No!”

He jumped, surprised, when she moved suddenly, and he registered in his periphery as she snatched the sword from the floor and spun it in her hand deftly.

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Bellamy frowned, his gaze switching to her, but a part of him already knew. His body was reacting to it before his brain could catch up – he felt his breath catch in his throat, and his heart-rate speed up.

~

we were nothing more than stardust by cresswell

"I'm going to kill that bastard," he says quietly, bent close to Clarke's ear. "He's not going to touch you again, and I'm going to kill him."

Her pinkie finger extends, brushing the waistband of his jeans, and he carefully pushes their palms together, lacing their fingers. He thinks she smiles in her sleep.

~

Love is Not a Whisper (or a weakness) by monroeslittle

"There was a strange, muffled snap, and the tentacle around her middle was retracted. The hold on her ankle was gone, and Bellamy was pulling her up through the water. She began to pump her arms, and they broke the surface; she gasped, and coughed.

He pressed a gun into her hand. “If you see a ripple, shoot,” he ordered."

AU. The dropship doesn't land on land. The next seven years are a little bit different.

~

Astraphobia by @chants-de-lune

The fear of thunder and lightning. In other words, rainy day cuddling with a bit of angst.

~

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat by islabbe

There was blood everywhere; some of it red, but most of it was black. Bellamy wrinkled his nose at the metallic smell as it filled his nose. Pushing down the reflex to gag, he quickly made his way over to the tent.

“Clarke, stay with me,” he said gruffly, his voice straining as bent down to enter hers and Madi’s tent. She was drifting in and out of consciousness and Bellamy knew the longer he dawdled, the less time she had.

~

We Can’t Leave Us Behind by @ringsabellamy

"I don’t blame you for that, not anymore. I understand why you had to leave. But it still hurt, Clarke. And I guess...I think your goodbye reminds me of how I felt. Of what it was like to lose you.”

“The kiss,” she says, eyes full of sudden realization. “You think when I kiss you, it means I’m going to leave you.”

Or: Bellamy has a lot of healing to do, one try at a time.

~

Set The Dark On Fire by @talistheintrovert​

Clarke isn't coping well with peacetime on the Eligius ship, and while Bellamy has woken some of the others (mainly spacekru) and tries to organise a trip to the ground, making decisions and considering all the variables, Clarke makes a choice of her own:

She'll take herself out of the equation.

OR: the post season 5 idea I had to write because all of the unresolved emotional turmoil this season is actually killing me and someone needs to notice that Clarke is in pain, for the love of god.

~ 

for everything unsaid (there is a flourish of my pride) by theprincessandtheking

“I don’t know,” he says. “I guess I just didn’t really care either way anymore.”

She pauses, and from the corner of his eye he can see the odd expression on her face.

“So in the middle of wartime, when everything is going to hell around us, shaving is still a priority. But you spend six years with all the free time in the world for it, and suddenly you don’t care?”

He tries to smile at the joke, but he thinks it comes out as more of a grimace.

“I guess down here it was more of a sense of normalcy,” he explains. “But with you gone—”

He pauses, clears his throat in an attempt to keep his voice steady.

“Without you there, nothing really felt normal.”

~

I can never be alone when all gods keep calling me out by angel_deux

Raven fixes the radio after a few years, and Clarke can talk to them again.

~

they will see my strength (in this love i’ve found) by glowinghorizons 

“If you’re married they won’t let you go alone.”

The silence is deafening. Bellamy braces himself for the slap he knows is going to come his way any second, but it never happens.

“You--” she sounds breathless. “You don’t even know me.”

Bellamy shrugs. “Look. I-- this is crazy. I know. I just know that I can’t let my sister go to the ground without me.”

OR, Clarke finds out she's being sent to the Ground only days after her Dad dies. Bellamy is determined to go to the Ground with his sister. They need to fool everyone to make it work.

~

Like a Second Heart by Who_Needs_Reality

She’s hardly surprised, the first few times it happens. The hallucinations are vivid, but not long, not much, just short, staccato bursts of him, tiny pieces to keep her going -- his hand extended out to her to help her up from the rubble, his voice a soothing murmur in her ear telling her she’ll be alright until she finds water… of course she sees him, of course she hears him. It’s Bellamy -- who else would her mind conjure up to help her survive? There are worse symptoms praimfaya has left her with than a few too-real imaginings of her best friend after all.

{Clarke's not worried when she starts to hallucinate Bellamy. It's only when the dreams continue to haunt her even after the real Bellamy comes back that she's concerned}

~

We Sure Know How to Run by winterwaters

While attempting to get Jaha farther from the AI and the nuclear warhead, Clarke, Murphy and Emori run into trouble from another tribe and Clarke is injured. Bellamy and his group happen to be following that tribe and help take care of her. On the way home, she confronts her feelings for Bellamy - with a bit of help from Emori.

~

darling, just hold my hand by killianslonghaul

“I know you don’t like public displays of affection, but… you’re really not going to kiss me goodbye?”

or

Bellamy doesn't really do PDA, but he might make an exception.

~

baby on board by katebishop 

As a soon-to-be father, Bellamy thinks he's feeling the appropriate amount of worry and concern for his pregnant wife.

Clarke thinks he's utterly ridiculous.

~~~

Other AUS

Forbidden Words by onceuponahundred 

we’re in between classes, and we both hear a fourth year calling a first year a mudblood, and neither of us are having any of that prejudiced bullshit. unfortunately, my impulse was to hex them, and yours was to punch them in the face, and my jelly-legs curse hit you instead, i’m really sorry, and we both are probably getting detention now, but hey, plus side, you’re kind of cute

{Bellarke in Harry Potter}

~

Name One Hero Who Was Happy by Who_Needs_Reality

Clarke huffs again, and he glances at her.

“The Curse of Achilles, Bellamy? Do you know how risky that was?”

“I got the idea when I felt my soul being torn from my body.”

She sniffs, imperious. “How did you do it?”

“Huh?” Her voice is smaller when she speaks again. “How did you...not get your soul...y’know?”

“Oh,” he swallows. “I had some help.”

{Bellarke in a Percy Jackson/The Last Olympian AU}

~

Don’t Think I Want What I Used to Want by arysa13 

Bellamy has a compass that points to what his heart most desires, which, as a pirate, must be treasure, obviously.

~

can’t control my feelings, can’t control my thoughts by katsumi

When Jasper accidentally gifts Clarke a love potion, everyone she interacts with starts acting...weird. Everyone, that is, except Bellamy. [Hogwarts AU]

~~~

[cocksuki2]

BRO I CAME OFF ANON JUST TO TALK ABOUT THIS OKAY OKAY OKAY

HES LEGIT SO SWEET, I LOVED HIM SO MUCH, IT WAS DENVER COMIC CON AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I MET BECAUSE I WAS SO STARSTUCK BUT I HELD MY COMPOSURE AND I HAD HIM SIGN A KATSUKI POP AND HE WAS GENUINELY THE SWEETEST

I told him that it was my first con ever and that I was really looking forward to meeting him and he called me sweet and I told him how much everyone loved and cherished him and he was so so so so happy when I said that and when I walked away after it was done, I started laughing cause of adrenaline and anxiety and then I started sobbing and I couldn’t stop so here’s me, in a misa amane cosplay, sobbing with a katsuki funko pop box in my hand as I just keep telling my sister how sweet he was

But no yeah I totally dig the new blog, as someone who use to be a kinda prominent writer in another fandom over two years ago, it felt like I was put on this pedestal where I had to keep pumping out content and be looked at like I was more machine then a person and nobody wanting to talk to me like I was a normal person and my inbox was just full of requests rather then wanting to just like talk and tell me things, like don’t get me wrong I’m so grateful but it’s so so so taxing, so I 100% feel for you and that’s why I just wanted to put something like this in your inbox, hoping you won’t feel like alone in the matter 💕

NFJEAILGVRRGNJREEKAG;NRJOG;NREJAGNRUVRBEAGR I WOULD HAVE HAD THE SAME REACTION IM SO PROUD OF U FOR BEING NORMAL IN FRONT OF HIM.

i probably would have cried too. like it just... that's so so so cool you're so lucky!!!!!! and you ASKED HIM TO SIGN YOUR FUNKO THAT'S SO SO SO CUTE OMG. was it recent??? like did denver comic con just happen or is this something ur remembering??

and also on the other topic, yeah it just gets a little tiring. its nice to have a space to share my writing and stuff n I'm super lucky for all the people I've met on here but it gets super tiring.

i SO appreciate you sending me this bc this is exactly what this blog is for!!! chatting and making friends and talking abt our favorite animanga n stuff <333 thank u for sharing I'm living vicariously through you !!

[feministbynature]

I don’t really post on here, but I just found myself inspired after watching “Plus one” so here are my thoughts on the ep...

Who would have thought hell would freeze over and I would find myself giving Chris Carter credit and literally wanting to thank him for not completely screwing up an episode and finally giving us something that he has been dangling as bait above our heads for literally decades?!? ATTHS!!!! That should be the title of the episode because let’s face it that’s the main thing that I am taking away from this episode 😂 but that’s just me, one track mind and also no tolerance for Chris Carter’s “did they didn’t they” bullshit. Philes have withstood it for ages and I’m glad the game of torture is finally over. Apparently this is going to turn into a love letter ode to Chris Carter because right from the get go it felt like a proper xfile, I got that reminiscent chill way deep in my bloodstream when the doppelgänger appeared, nothing like things that go bump in the night with loud music in the background to raise my Adrenalin level to a high. The first dialogue between far fetched theory Mulder and rational medical doctor Scully  as they battle it out cerebral style is how we like our x files! Or at least how I like mine. It also continues Mulder’s theme of claiming the x-files as “theirs” as states in the last episode “This”. These cases are collectively Mulder and scullys bread and butter, and as much as Scully puts up a fight in trying to discredit Mulders whacky enthusiasm over the idea of doppelgängers Scully is intrigued enough to jump into a car with him hit the I95 south to get to the bottom of this phenomenon wether they are mental illness or else... and Mulder is gracious enough to extend her the first go at discrediting him by allowing her to conduct Arkie’s first interrogation at the jail. Bringing Karin Konoval back is yet another mark in Chris Carter’s favor, her fabulous acting abilities as both male and female deranged and mentally ill just blew my mind!  The whole theme of the episode evil minds evil forces borderline mental illnesses was just the thing that Xfiles has been known for and allowed for the frameworks in which Mulder and scullys mind work to kick into high gear ringing true to my ears. And now let’s talk foreplay! Cause there was so much of that interweaved with comedic splatters that I had to rub my eyes in disbelief that Chris Carter actually possesses these abilities (and why has he not used them more frequently?? They are equally as supportive of the show as the angsty ones if u ask me).- Asking for a couple of rooms and not just one assisted to get these two where we wanted them, together in each other’s arms, and it also ties in with the bureaus policy of agents sharing a room. the scold on scullys face as she tells Mulder she is glad to hear all he wants is some shut eye could be seen as an older prudish version of Scully minus the eye roll and skip in her step. But in the aftermath of the episode it reads to me like a married couple that the man is feeling frisky and the woman is just not feeling it that night so she sternly puts him in his place. Let’s face it right now Scully is leaning towards her medical theories to try and make sense of this case and the subject matter is hitting her, she sees more in Judy than meets the eye, and so I kind of understand this scene and appreciate it. Especially since we get the eyebrow foreplay when Mulder asks if that bed is nice and comfy as he comes through their adjoining rooms making it clear that he is still frisky and would rather be in that bed with Scully rather than chasing the case as needed. That actually says a lot about Mulder, sex with Scully is better than weird ass theories (I wouldn’t argue with that). I kind of got catapulted back to “rain king” when Mulder denied blatantly that he stared at Scully while someone pointed out the sheer attraction to him. And here we have Judy clearly seeing the connection between our two agents from just being in the same room with them for a few minutes. And also her twin brother who asks Mulder if he is “tapping” that tasty red head. Everyone sees it and at least they are not denying it even though they aren’t yet addressing the elephant in the room. I found it quite interesting that Special agent Dana Scully as well as Doctor Dana Scully who has fought men with guns and other social deviants and has conducted multiple surgeries and autopsied dead bodies in the past would get so flustered while dealing with a psych patient and her own mortality and aging. I think this was a critical comment about how society brands women as useless and nothing more than their labels, a woman who hits her 40’s is apparently less worthy bcs her womb is no longer functioning.   The fact that she can turn to Mulder for the cold harsh truth when it comes to insecurities shows just how Dana Scully has progressed from the woman who’s catch phrase was “I’m fine Mulder”. She no longer feels the need to hide from this man, she trusts him in more ways than one. And how endearing is it to hear him say “u have still got it going on”. The man speaks the truth! (Bless). And I don’t know if Chris Carter had “tony Orlando and dawns” song in mind when he wrote knock three times but that completely fits in with the solicitation of one Fox Mulder who tells Scully he is just a door away if she should ever want to get it on 😂 and let’s face it, it’s hard to resist the upper arm and torso muscly built of Mulder in that tank top 👅 Knock three times: Hey girl what ya doin' down thereDancin' alone every night while I live right above youI can hear your music playin'I can feel your body swayin'One floor below me you don't even know meI love youOh my darlingKnock three times on the ceiling if you want meTwice on the pipe if the answer is noOh my sweetnessMeans you'll meet me in the hallwayTwice on the pipe means you ain't gonna showIf you look out your window tonightPull in the string with the note that's attached to my heartRead how many times I saw youHow in my silence I adored youOnly in my dreams did that wall between us come apartOh my darlingKnock three times on the ceiling if you want meTwice on the pipe if the answer is noOh my sweetnessMeans you'll meet me in the hallwayTwice on the pipe means you ain't gonna showI can hear your music playin'I can feel your body swayin'One floor below me you don't even know meI love youOh my darlingKnock three times on the ceiling if you want meTwice on the pipe if the answer is noOh my sweetnessMeans you'll meet me in the hallwayTwice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show Continuing with the progression in scullys character I love the fact that she can come into Mulders room and just ask to be held, it’s a little reminiscent of the bed scene in I want to believe where Mulder offers to take the burden, curse god so that Scully can have a break and sleep peacefully. At that given point in time Scully might be cursing god for the pain that is in human mortality and having the ultimate stop be at heavens door so to speak. Mulder undressing in freak out mode and scullys naked shoulder bobbing from above the sheets is the moment that the fandom will forever be screaming about because we finally got a literal confirmation that our duo are doing it!!! (Enter mental freak out and jumping up and down with ecstatic overtones). And there we have it, the afterglow of sex apparently agrees with Scully as she has become the calm and rational no longer haunted by the ghosts that seeped in to her psyche beforehand. And apparently sex with Scully agrees immensely with Mulder as well who movements before his freak out smiled at himself in the mirror. He’s always been so harsh with himself so it was a touching moment. And that last scene, if you mute it and watch scullys facial expression as she shoots off Mulders invitation of a second round of bed wrestling u can see that she is flirting and contemplating it even as she is saying no. I would put more emphasis on the part where she is shooting him down if it ended with just that, but hey, I just call it a knee jerk reaction which was erased momentarily cause let’s face it Scully will now forever be drawn to that damn afterglow of sex with Mulder!!! And now that I have all of the positives out of the way, it’s inevitable to put aside the truly bad dialogue that was held between Mulder and Scully in bed. Had it been anywhere else I would have shrugged it off but Chris Carter, dude, the spooning was probably hurting your retinas and so u thought u would try to distract us with words that were just plain and simple garbage! (Lucky for us we can hit the mute button and just relish in the intimacy and the love that is Mulder holding Scully close). Here is the 💩 that Chris had to inject (I mean how can u get your characters so spot on in all of the other scenes and then fuck up the scene with the best potential??? This is the mystery of CC himself one which we might never really understand)- insinuating Scully thinks Mulder wants children and with a younger woman! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I mean sheesh! He has stuck by Scully for so long and looks at her like a love sick puppy!!! This whole Scully doubting Mulder when it comes to their personal ship is something that will never ring true to me. - Also the stupid question asked by Scully - are we going to spend time together (when they are retired) - as if the x files is the only thing that keeps them together. Has Chris forgotten he wrote a whole damn movie where Mulder and Scully were living in the same house, sharing a bed and not working at the FBI? I know Scully is talking after retirement but seriously man when would Mulder never be part of scullys life? - What’s stopping u from having another kid??? Like are u fucking kidding me dude?? Mulder knows what Scully went through to actually get pregnant (or try to get pregnant) that is not a line he would ever throw her way! And Scully saying she wouldn’t have anyone to have a kid with even if she wanted to? 😡😡😡 I would like to throw “per manum” in Chris Carter’s face and smash his nose with it! Mulder will never say no to scullys request of fathering her child no matter how uncomfortable it might be for him (which at this point I don’t even think this element even exists between them anymore). - Sorry not even Scully saying “we will think of something” as an answer to Mulders question what will we do if we  lose our jobs, which ultimately leads to sex can salvage this scene!!!  I want to see the original script of this scene because it seems that dialogue was cut form it, it kind of is all over the place near the end which is such a chris Carter move, leave the social criticism dialogue in, super glue it with some sort of Shippy elusive declaration and try to get away with it knowing fully well it’s less than perfect. But he gave us the sex, and as a PHILE I have over the years gotten accustomed to blurring the parts and selectively choosing the strong points of the episodes so I am choosing to focus on the physical closeness on this one rather than the flaky words. Ending with a few comments that I had that don’t fit into any long argument 🤷‍♀️ - let’s face it Scully can even make the words “gestalt gestven syndrome” sound like foreplay and totally sexy (and is anyone else wondering how many takes of that they had to shoot because Gillian just kept messing it up? I’m counting on seeing this scene in the blooper reel 😂- The mature  version of Scully, skeptic as she might be is willing to subscribe to the notion better safe than sorry while popping the bread pills- It was nice to see the actual scene on the road where the bear story happened 🐻🐻🐻- Chris Carter with his sexist dick/sword collection scene at the diner 🤢 - And seriously who has that amount of ammunition in his home???? 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

[im-screaming-because-of-fanfics]

Amber Eyes

Word Count: about 2200 (not including this beginning part)

Summary: Lucifer meets a little girl with amber eyes who does the impossible (alternatively, a little girl wraps the devil around her finger)

Characters/pairing/fandom: SPN, Lucifer x Child!Reader (she’s 6) (non romantic obviously), Lucifer, Reader and some horrible humans

Warnings: there’s some abuse because apparently I can’t write anything nice

A/N: Alrighty so I might do a part two for this if y'all want one. I just want validation for my fic BC I think it’s cute. It’s a reader insert, but its in 3rd person and I’m really bad with the tenses. Sorry.

Tag List: @falloutofmymemez @sympathyforluci @ravenbg @wheres-god-now

Saying Lucifer was a softie would be a huge lie unless you were talking about him and a certain amber-eyed human child.

Whilst he had been in the cage, he had figured out, over time, how to peer out of it and at Earth and the humans his Father loved so much. He would rant and rage to himself and the oblivious passerby as his astral-self developed into a human visage, part of him subconsciously wishing he could be among them.

During one of these “outings”, Lucifer had been watching human children run around him, scoffing and flaring at them and their parents, when a small child has walked right towards him. He had stared curiously at her and as she got closer to him and stared to practically and impossibly at him, he somehow felt himself soften towards her.

“Hi,” she said to him, her voice bright and curious- so like a child in her words and actions despite the sadness and knowledge he can see in her eyes. “Why are you sad?” He had looked around him to see if, just maybe, there was another person. But there was nobody. She was, indeed, talking to him.

“I’m not sad, stupid girl. Go away,” he snapped at her, looking away dismissively, hoping she would listen while part of him hopes she would stay. The Cage was empty other than him, and it had been ages since he had talked to anyone besides himself.

“Mad, then,” the girl corrected simply, not moving or looking away from him. “You really shouldn’t be so angry, because eventually, it’ll just make you sad because all you’ll feel is angry,” the girl warned him wisely, making him look back down at her with surprise and more than a little curiosity.

“What makes you say so?” He asked after a second of mutual staring.

“I dunno,” she shrugged before reaching out to him, seizing a hold of his non-corporeal hand and began to tug on his arm. “Being so mad isn’t good for you,” she decided simply without looking at his face. She couldn’t see the shocked expression all over his features. “You need to play.”

Somehow the child had gotten him on a swing a few minutes later, and was able to push it with him on it, defying the laws of reality with his ability to stay seated on the swing while it moved, rather than it moving without him. This shocked him as well, meaning he stayed in the swing as she worked hard to keep him swinging, hoping to remove the scowl from his handsome face. Eventually she couldn’t do it anymore, her arms beginning to hurt, and hopped on the swing next to him, pumping her kegs and staring at him encouragingly.

“You have to swing your feet!” She instructed when he didn’t move to copy her actions. He startled, looking over at her before reluctantly following her lead, wary of the child. They swung for awhile, the girl chattering away to herself without any indication that she cared if he listened or not, talking about their surroundings calmly and yet simultaneously excitedly.

Eventually, a woman came over to the pair, not seeing anything next to the girl other than a swing moving on it’s own and mentally chalking it up to the wind. She seized the girl by the arm, yanking her off the swing mid-swing firmly but not hard enough to attract unwanted attention. The girl ceased talking immediately, clamping her lips closed while she looked at the ground, something Lucifer has noticed immediately. It unsettled him, how quiet she had become so quickly, so unlike the girl who had just dragged the devil to the swing set because she claimed he was too mad.

“I was looking everywhere for you, Y/N!” The woman who had a hold of her arm hisses with narrowed eyes as she crouches down the glare at the small child in front of her, who flinches away from her as much as she can while being in her grip. Lucifer let’s the swing slow to a stop as the woman straightens, marching the girl along behind her as she went, the girl sucking her lips into her mouth and sinking her teeth into them to stop the whimpers of pain that wanted to escape as her mother’s fingers twisted and tightened on her arm, almost like a ‘snake bite’. She looked over at Lucifer as he walked along side her, watching curiously, and offered him a smile, her cherubic features brightening when she realizes she isn’t alone.

“What’s your name?” She asked him, forgetting the fact that her mother was still there and still dragging her down the road to their house, where her father most likely waited ready for them at the door. Her mother twisted quickly, eyes wide as her heart shuddered in fear of her daughter somehow having attracted the attention of somebody who might get her in trouble for the way she treats her offspring, but she doesn’t see Lucifer as he glares at her with cold eyes before he turns to the girl, eyes softening without his notice.

“I’m Lucifer,” he offers to the child with what’s almost a smile.

“I’m Y/N,” she replies simply and unnecessarily, morphing her face into an even brighter smile as she stares at him, ignoring the pain as it increases in her arm and gazing up at him until her mother grabs ahold of her chin with a tight grip. Her eyes are narrowed and her lips are pursed in a tight line as she forces her child to look at her.

“There’s nobody there!” She snarls, “so stop talking!” The girl flinches, letting out a soft cry when her mothers nails pierce through her flesh, small droplets if blood pushing through the wounds and tinting the ends of her nails. The older woman curls her lip in disgust before letting go of her face and straightening, dragging the girl along behind her as she continues the trek to their home. The girl doesn’t speak again and doesn’t look back up at Lucifer as he continues to walk with them, unexplainable curious about the girl who could interact with him, despite him not being there, and make him feel so at ease.

When they arrive at the house- a small, one story house with a nice look to it. It’s white, the lawn impeccable and a lively flowerbed close along the front. Lucifer simply appears inside the house as the female duo continue on their way, and he figures he has about a minute before they arrive at the front door, which he notices has a deadbolt and two chain locks.

It’s nice inside, with off white walls and carpets. There are no photos on the walls and the furniture is all darkly styled. The entryway opens up into a spacious living room, with what he assumes is a connecting bedroom to the left when he inspects the room. The bathroom is in the entryway to the left and to the right is a kitchen. In the kitchen, towards the back, is a door he assumes must be the child’s - Y/N’s- bedroom. He notices the padlock on the door and walks through the wood, surprised when he realizes that its not a bedroom, it’s a basement.

It’s dark, but he can see the tampered with light switch and the scratches carved into the wooden door, some crusted with blood. There’s a growing anger in him as he moves down the stairs, and when he gets to the bottom he’s greeted with an old mattress in the corner, a washing machine and a dryer across the room from it. The floors are damp and the room is cold, the drain in the center of the room without a top helping with either problem. There’s no heater that he can see, nor are there any windows. The only light is on the ceiling above the washing machine- far too high for someone of Y/N’s height, and there isn’t even a switch for it.

They lock her down here in the dark? Everything about the girl screams purity to him, and while he understands the base nature of their acts towards the girl, he doesn’t understand why she is their target, of all things. The fact that they’re her parents makes his skin crawl. He and Y/N have something in common, he supposes- both of their parents locked them away in a horrible place. This was Y/N’s hell, and he decides that if this is where he was locked up rather than The Cage he would probably suffer the same as he does now.

There’s a rattle above him and he appears back where he had the first time (in the middle of the entry way), watching the man he hasn’t seen before stagger towards the door. He’s large for a human, both in weight and height, with graying hair and a weathered face. He’s hardly dressed, wearing only a stained tank top and boxers. He unlocks the door and grunts in acknowledgement as he turns back around immediately, walking back towards the bedroom.

Y/N is surprised to see Lucifer inside of her house, but doesn’t make a move to acknowledge him other than the widening of her eyes at him for fear of the woman holding her arm. Her mother drags her to the basement door, pushing the girl inside after unlocking it with a key that had been stashed on top of the door frame. She locks it immediately behind her. Lucifer appears at the bottom of the stairs, not expecting to be in the perfect place for Y/N’s small body to collide with his as she falls down the stairs. He accidentally cushions her fall.

She lands on him hard, but he hardly moves other than lifting his arms to catch her body completely before she can fall to the floor. She turns those amber eyes towards him to stare at his face, her own loose with shock and awe. She’d never been touched by anyone other than her parents and never for anything other than to be moved or to cause pain, and shed certainly never been held.

“How did you get here?” She asks him with her bright voice that trembles with fear and uncertainty as he slowly sets her down in the ground, internally marveling at how she had somehow warmed him from his constant frigid cold. It was unsettling but somehow not.

“Would you believe me if I told you I’m an angel?” He doesn’t tell her he’s fallen. He doesn’t tell her he’s “satan”. He doesn’t say anything other than that.

“Yes,” she says with a firm nod, hardly thinking about it, pinching her face into her childish perception of a serious expression.

“Do you live down here?” He asks curiously, looking around. She nods, her face falling as she looks around as well, although its almost completely pitch black other than some light streaming through the floorboards overhead.

“Yes. I stay down here-” she’s cut off by someone stomping hard in the floor above them and incoherent shouting. After a tense minute she continues in a whisper, “sometimes we go outside so people know I’m alive. There isn’t anything to do, sorry Lucifer.” Hearing his name with her voice makes him uncomfortable, somehow, and he frowns.

“Don’t call me that.”

“How about Mr. Angel?” She asks as she walks to sit on the side of the bed, pulling her feet off the cold floor. “Or Luci?”

“Luci?” The devil gapes at the small girl for a moment and she nods, eyes wide and searching for his approval. “I guess- I guess…” She smiles brightly before moving to reach under the mattress, pulling something out and then patting the mattress next to her with an encouraging look at him.

He walks over after a second of contemplation, watching her carefully as she studies the book cover. My Giant Story Book.

“My mommy gave me this when I was little,” she whispers to him, smiling in memory. “Can you read?” She asks him, looking at the book as she pulls open the thick cover and studies the title page.

“Of course I can read!” He snaps immediately, almost offended by her innocent curiosity.

“That’s really cool. I can only read some,” Y/N offers, opening to the first page with more than the title on it. Lucifer leans over, looking the letters over before leaning back with a smug smirk.

“Yes I can,” he admits before he realizes his mistake. He looks back down at her to see she’s staring at his eyes, her bottom lip puffed out, pouting. Begging him.

“Will you read to me?” She asks after a minute if begging, opening the story book to point to the Thumbelina story.

“Of course not-” he’s cut off by a warbled ‘please’ and her begging amping up further, her face trembling and her eyes watering, threatening tears. Lucifer’s stomach drops and he finds himself unable to even attempt to deny her again. He sighs and reaches out, grabbing the book somehow and begins to read after she situates herself laying down on the bed near him.

“Some years ago, in a small cottage by the river, lived a kind woman…”

By the time Lucifer has finished the story about a half hour later, Y/N managed to wiggle her way into his lap somehow. Her body is warm despite his freezing temperature, and the devil decides that he doesn’t really mind so much.

[fearducts-blog]

AN OPEN LETTER FROM EVERYONE I’VE EVER MET TO VULGAR / MORTEM.

I bet y’all thought my drama days were over, but surprise surprise, I have come “rinse crying” back to this fandom because, I understand, Vulgar. You found paradise in America, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. You didn’t need a friend like me. But, now you come to me, and you say: “kindly kiss my ass” But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you make my friend cry in public because you follow bait her, publicly post about how much of a terrible person she and everyone else in this fandom is and then once again pinpoint the negative reputation you have built up for yourself on everyone but you.

I don’t know what her URLs are these days because frankly, in spite of what she will tell you, up until two days ago, I could not have given less of a shit if I tried, but going by the screenshots I’ve seen lately this post is going to concern: woshi-tuzi / twinblcdes / gelosiia / buside / baolii / puntirotti any other blogs run by Vulgar / Mortem. Not gonna lie, this is a long post, there’s a lot to go over here, and a lot of it’s going to seem like old, irrelevant, petty high school drama, because that’s exactly what it fucking is, but since Vulgar is still using drama from a year ago as her sword and shield to treat others badly, it’s long overdue that we did some good old fashioned air clearing.

I guess we’ll start with breaking down what tipped everything over the edge, this charming message that was sent to Elle; X. ( in reference to this hot vague, but we’ll get back to that later. )

“ WHAT MOMO AND IVY DID TO ME ”

We stopped talking to her, and blocked her after an argument that transpired in private — that’s it, that’s all we did. You can skip this section if you want to skip year old high school level drama, but if not...

It all happened because she guilt tripped me for taking over 10 minutes to reply... as it happens, I wasn’t replying to her because it was 3am where I was and I was fucking trying to sleep, not that the time difference matters because it was 10 minutes and not to be crude, but I could have been doing anything, I could have been taking a shit and that was apparently grounds for a guilt trip. And while I’ll admit, I could have handled it better, I’m really not here to be guilt tripped on account of not replying to someone because I’m asleep whenever they message me, because in spite of proclaiming me their “best friend”, after a month of me living in a UTC+8 timezone, they still haven’t clocked onto the fact that I’m working to a different schedule to them. So this exchange happened : X. ( call me a herpetologist bc I know you’re a snake, Vulgar, so before you say anything about the time stamps, these are your logs, not mine. ).

Anyway, you might think this has nothing to do with Ivy, and you’d be absolutely right, it doesn’t. But Vular went to her anyway and deliberately misrepresented the situation, now fortunately, not only am I a herpetologist, but I'm too, am a fucking snake, so knowing Vulgar was going to pull the same shit she did in the past where she came to me to bitch about close friends of mine following minor disputes, where whenever she had an argument with someone over skype she’d send me an MS Word version of the logs????? Before going back to bed, I straight up sent Ivy the chat logs in the immediate aftermath, I didn’t bitch about Vulgar, I just showed Ivy what happened, said I was a bit pissed off and that I wanted her to know what happened in case she was put in the middle.

Guess where she was put the very next day and who tried to put her there!! X, X, X, X. Ivy told Vulgar how things looked from an outsiders perspective and that she should apologize, she even told Vulgar how to go about doing it. And we’ve all done it, we’ve all had skype drama we’ve copy / pasted to a friend, but the thing is, Vulgar was deliberately twisting things here because by her own admission, she did not like that Ivy and I spoke to each other more than we did to her. What she likes to justify this with was “I just wanted a friend to lean on”, no you didn’t. Also, “the one time I needed it, she was so callous to me”, bullshit, you came to me every single day with a problem and I always helped you through it, I held your hand through the polycoria drama, like I cringe at the thought of this post but: X, you can’t say I was callous to you the one time you needed it, not when you posted this, not when every day in the run up to this, you came to me with a new issue about someones’ OC “cockblocking one of your ships” or someone not wanting to be mains with you.

Anyway!! Vulgar told Ivy she was going to apologize, and to the surprise of probably no one, did not. Sadly, I no longer have screenshots because I’ve since changed computers and honestly, I did not anticipate having to write this, I thought we had all agreed privately to just hate each other and move tf on, but... back to the point, in spite of her being walked through all this I still had to ask Vulgar to address how unfair she was. She might have counted finally doing so as an apology, I did not. Again, it had nothing to do with Ivy... but guess who got dragged into it anyway — again? So, we each wound up in arguments with her:

X, X, X

Vulgar apologized to me twice after this, I accepted neither apology, the first because I was hungover and I honestly and thankfully went to sleep forgot to reply. The second because, at that point it was so far in the past and her name had been kept out of both mine and Ivy’s mouths for so long, that I didn’t think it even begged addressing, I wanted to just avoid her tbh: X, X. “Look shady?” Yes. Because you sent this to me whilst still misrepresenting the entire situation to anyone who would listen, you were not sorry at all.

Ivy never got an apology in spite of being dragged into this petty bullshit against her will btw. And I think it’s pretty rich of Vulgar to claim we freely talked shit about her meanwhile sending out spicy skype messages like this about Ivy; X. Also post this vague; X, which just so happens to coincide with when Ivy refused to leave the fandom even after being stalked, harassed and having her art stolen; X

EDIT: Btw, that was really classy of you introducing me to Ivy and then privately messaging me to tell me “she’s nice but I’ll never forget she vagued about you”, then linking me to her supposed vague, like I want you guys to be friends but keep in mind not to get too close to her. Nice try Vulgar, what she posted were fucking Melanie Martinez lyrics, you played yourself. 

EDIT 2: Because wow, the shit just keeps coming out about you, doesn’t it?! I realize the irony of saying this in this post of all things, but it was really nice of you to go around telling people who were new to the fandom that I was the source of all the discomfort and drama, that I was such a horrible person who was only out to bully people and chase them away for no good reason while we were still, as you put it “best friends”, while at that stage the only drama I had been involved in was when you came to me and said you were scared and uncomfortable because of someone, you’re such a good friend Vulgar (: I really appreciate that thing you did where you tried to isolate me from everyone else in the fandom, to what fucking end?! 

“ WHAT HILAL DID TO ME ”

Imagine being 28 and so asshurt by what a teenager says about you on the internet ( ie. that you shipped underage incest at the age of 27, which you... you did, you literally did: X, X, X, X ) that you... lie to another teenager and get them to write a callout post in your stead so that you can personally avoid the backlash while still damaging the reputation of said person. If it sounds familiar, it’s because it’s exactly what Vulgar did: X , X , X , X, X.

Here’s an album of the exchange Hilal had with Mysteriia following that “call out”, note how they don’t deny who and what prompted them to make it, only dance around the topic: X.

Was Hilal in the wrong to name drop Vulgar in the first place? Yes, it shouldn’t have been brought into the public eye. However, he didn’t do it without reason and he told her that: X. He has since left her alone entirely.

So then there’s... the paedophilia drama, which we won’t go into too much detail about, but Vulgar, you participated in, you agreed with Hilal of your own volition, and then because it was no longer convenient for you to, you lied to Skitty about it to paint me and Hilal ( and for some reason Ivy who wasn’t even involved, nor even in the rp community at the time, as far as I’m aware? ) in a negative light to them: X,  X. Anyway, Hilal’s posts pertaining to this drama can be found here: X, X. It was pretty much all dash drama and it happened back in 2015, so a lot of it’s hard to dig up again, I know both Hilal and I spoke out of anger and there are a lot of things I’d do differently, so maybe I did inflame things, and if I did, I apologize. But Vulgar, I think that’s a pretty cheap thing of you to say considering I confided in you about being a CSA victim.

Also by the by, Hilal and Elle don’t even know each other, so Vulgar, you can drop the notion that we all meet up buck ass naked under every blood moon, rattling skulls and talking shit about you or whatever it is you claim is going on: X. Elle and Hilal have nothing to do with each other, funny how different people have different reasons to dislike you, almost as if you’ve done many things to hurt many people in this fandom...

Oh yeah, and:

[03:04:32] tumblr use pourir: can you say that i dropped all my fucking blogs bc of vulgar [03:04:52] tumblr use pourir: and that i had anxiety literally eating away at me for weeks because i felt i was off base

“ WHAT THEY ALL DID TO ME ”

Yeah, it sure is awful when people don’t buy into your pass agress posts and the fact that you blame all your problems on other people without taking a step back to look at how you’re treating people, isn’t it: X, X.

It’s really, truly terrible they ask you to tag something and you lose your fucking shit with them: X, X ( relevant links: 1, 2.). And again, it’s another situation where things could have been handled better from all sides, but Bellus apologized for what happened, you did not.

Heartbreaking, when you vague about them during their first week in the fandom because someone who isn’t you makes them a theme, and you passive aggressively throw ms paint quality graphics at them: X.

Completely and utterly devastating when another roleplayer blocks you and you then proceed to make them uncomfortable by repeatedly messaging them, following them on all your subsequent blogs, in spite of people literally telling you not to, and then when you’re ignored / blocked again, starting rumours that they have a crush on you and are blocking you to save their relationship until the point they get so uncomfortable they leave the fandom.

When you guilt trip someone on account of... not putting you in their follow forever??? Because they forgot??? They literally forgot??? Not like that happens with follow forevers is it??? X, X, X. Also when said person makes it publicly known that they’re feeling extremely low and would like to be left alone and you continue to pressure them into speaking to you: X, X.

Or when you do some good old fashioned general guilt tripping: X, X, X, X, X, X.

EDIT: let’s not forget, you’re notorious for pressuring people into ships, for getting asshurt and bitching about them when they don’t want to go exclusive with you or add you as a main. 

And you often fall back on telling people it’s because you have anxiety, that you can’t help but go off at people because of it. You know what, I have bpad and guess who and who alone is 100% accountable for my actions? That’s right, it’s me!! Just because you have anxiety does not mean it is a free pass to treat people badly, you are accountable for your own behaviour, you ought to apologize and do it sincerely, not because someone asks you to, not because you want to save your own skin.

“ REPEATEDLY. ”

At first I was just gonna say no to this and leave it at that. But I’m guessing this is in reference to people from the tg fandom following Vulgar on other blogs in other fandoms, so...

You can’t really argue that Hilal followed you to your bsd blog when you followed him first; X.

You can’t argue that Ivy followed you to the Naruto fandom either when you followed her; X.

And lastly, you can’t say Elle followed you to the fma fandom when again: X, you followed her first and then immediately posted this hot vague about her and everyone else in the tg fandom. And even at that, you followed her blog from your tg ones before; X. Which doesn’t exactly do anything to dispel the idea that you’re follow baiting, does it?

If this is in reference to how Ivy and I “freely talked shit about you”, we didn’t. A lot of people will vouch for the fact that they didn’t hear about anything that happened until your behaviour towards Elle catalyzed this post. 

“ HAD YOU BEEN UPFRONT WITH YOUR ALIAS ”

First and foremost, fam, change your container dimensions. Secondly, “you failed to read my rules”, okay cool, but again, you followed Elle first, she broke none of your rules by following you back, unaware of who you were, and if you wanted your rules read so desperately, it might’ve been a good shout to read idk... literally the first line of hers: X, like if rules are so important to you, you can’t claim ignorance here.

And for the record, Elle’s alias has never been hidden or changed, it’s in plain sight on all her other blogs, so as to how you pulled this argument out of your ass, idk: X, X, X, X. You knew exactly who you were following, she didn’t trick you. She made a simple mistake because, in fact, if anyone is deliberately hiding their alias, it’s you, isn’t it? Because you know: X, X, X, X.

These are the rules you claim she didn’t read / broke: X, X. Tell me how she broke them, I’ll tell you how you’re lying.

“ YOU WON’T DRIVE ME OUT OF ANOTHER FANDOM ”

Nobody was trying to do that. Nobody tried to drive you out of this fandom, we all left you alone. I don’t know how you leaped to this conclusion that this is what anyone was trying to do, based on the fact that somebody followed you by accident because you changed your alias to avoid the negative reputation which you created for yourself in this fandom.

But anyway, I said this to you when we had our dispute and I’ll say it again, you fly off the handle at the bat of an eyelash, without any consideration for anyone’s feelings but your own and you really, really hurt people because of it. If you want a clean slate, if you want to leave all of this behind you, then you owe a lot of people an apology. You’re not a blameless victim, you’re a sentient adult and it’s time to start behaving like one.