#the only ever final fantasy game i've ever played but its the best to ME

[hazelnootnut]

even though the dream has faded, it's still nice to look back at it, isn't it?

I have a lot of feelings thinking about the ending of FFX still. The way Yuna whispered "or of the dreams that faded" during her speech. And then the immediate flashback to Tidus and her at Lake Macalania. God. Ow. Fuck.

Since I was working on a FFX project already, I plucked these frames I really liked and put them as their own separate art piece. I really liked how the colours turned out here, but also the tone covers all the crosshatching I did so I'm going to put it without the blues under the cut:

[efangamez]

Hey y'all! Here is Efan's quick rundown and review of almost all the cool games I played this year, as well as my Steam in Review!

1. Darkest Dungeon

I've been playing this game for nearly ten years, and I finally beat it this year. Not a 2023 release, but a huge milestone for myself. After a terrible year before it, I made it a goal to face my fears and beat this game. Lo' and behold, I did, and it's one of my own personal gaming accomplishments. It's solidified as the best turn based game I've ever played, but it does have its late-game issues, specifically with the Crimson Court maps and the final dungeon maps. It's just absurd tbh. However, this is one of my favorite games of all time, if not my favorite, and it's a must have for horror fans, HP Lovecrft fans, and turn based game fans. 9.7/10

2. Sun Haven

A wonderful and cute farming sim that scratched an itch no other could scratch. Its characters are fun, the music is solid, the graphics are very bright and fantastical, and the combat was simple yet kinda fun. I really loved the progression in this game too. It still has its issues, such as the late game (it may have been fixed because this game was in early access) and some of the utility of the workbenches you can use. All in all, a very solid farming sim (and just life sim in general tbh) if you like a little bit of fantasy mixed in. 9/10

3. Halls of Torment

My favorite Survivor game. The music, aesthetics, progression, characters, and maps are all different enough to keep you coming back for more. As I am disabled, these games are actually super fun to play because I only have to play with one hand. It was in early access when I played it heavily, so it had some issues like the handling of inventory, some balance issues, and feature creep issues, but they may have been fixed now. 9.3/10

4. Cassette Beasts

A must-play monster battler with an amazing plot, an incredible soundtrack, interesting monsters, and great characters for the most part. If you've been really wanting a game that is reminiscent of Pokemon colleseum but also want that 2d love of the Black and White games, this is a must have. It does have some balance issues (again, early access game when I played), but other than that and maybe some performance issues that are probably fixed by now, it was an incredible game that made me want a 2d Pokemon game more than ever. 9/10

5. Roboquest

A fantastic FPS roguelike game with great gunplay, movement, art direction, and music too. Each weapon feels pretty unique, it has melee weapons (wish there were more though) and a progression system that's really cool. It plays like if Doom Eternal had a kid with Borderlands, and I think plays a bit better than any other RANGED FPS roguelike/lite that I've played. I will say the difficulty settings are really cool, but I think they are a little too enticing due to game balance as of 1.0 due to progression being a bit of a grind. I think that having different endings for each difficulty might be a cool idea, each as satisfying as the other, but I know that can be a pain to develop. 9/10

6. Mortal Sin

A beautifully dark and trippy mostly melee FPS roguelike that takes the intensity of DOOM and the melee weapons of Elderborn and drenches it in a slow-mo filled, heavy swinging fun time. It's definitely the most FUN game this year as I've been craving an FPS melee roguelike for a while. It accomplishes this and then some with pretty cool progression that adds some variety to each game. The art direction reminds me of a more purple and red MORK BORG (fellow TTRPGers rejoice) and I LOVE it. The only issues to me are that the story and lore are a bit boring and lacking, but again it's in early access, so it has time to cook. 9.5/10

7. And last, my game of the year, LUNACID by @stylishkira

What a gorgeous game all around. The music has probably the most atmosphere out of any indie game I've played outside of Darkest Dungeon. Its levelling system is accessible but fun, you can create your own character with their own name and profile picture which I think is SO cool (Mortal Sin should totally do this if it's not too much of a copy). The combat is really fun and the sound design is probably second, once again, to Darkest Dungeon. It was an absolutely magical experience playing this game, and an experience I don't think I'll ever forget. I do think, however, that the ending feels really really rushed, and that sullied my experience a little bit, and the bosses are pretty unbalanced because you can just spam all of your health potions and tank the bosses, but the experience leading up to the ending is amazing. Also, I know the true ending is purposely a little complex, but tbh, if the goal was to have the "true" endings similar to the Souls games, having the final climactic boss (which I won't spoil, but is really cool) be the core of the normal ending, paired with alternate endings WITH that really cool final boss I think, might make the experience a bit more satisfying. It's already kinda implemented, but I loved this game so much that the standard ending just kinda felt....empty. Don't let these critiques stop you from playing this game, however. It's one of my favorites of all time, and I only give these critiques because I love this game so much. This is a MUST PLAY, and for the price, it's an absolute steal and should be priced up, imo. I cannot wait to see where the direction of possible King's Field style games come, because I am THIRSTY for more! 9.6/10

Annnddddddd that's it! Some great other games I played this year were the Demon Souls remake (9.2/10) Shadow of the Colossus (9.3/10), and Bloodborne (for probably the 30th time, and that's no joke, 9.8/10), and Quake (9.8/10).

[bloodinwine]

I'm curious because I tend to read dialogue out loud to myself and can never tell (in a good way) what kind of accent Effy and her family have - is it more of a Gale-ish Waterdeep accent (seeing as they're from around that area) or more rural/American? granted the only thing that would make me think the latter is how she said in the daisy field, "you don't want to hear me talk about the stars no more?". I've noticed not a lot of characters in-game have American-ized accents (the only one that comes to mind is Naaber of all people 😳) and I'd love to know your take so I can get it right in my brain 😅

Now I'm no linguist so this is a tricky one for me to answer, because I don't have one that is straightforward but I will certainly do my best! It actually kind of threw me off that the majority of characters in BG3 have a British accent when the city is supposed to be a melting pot of people from all over the world. AND PLEASE BELIEVE I am not complaining about this...but I played BG2 10,000 times growing up and I do think when it comes to accents we got way more variety in the early Baldur's Gate games including American English accents (I'm looking at you Imoen, my beloved - a main character in BG2 with an American accent, but her character was born in the Gate and raised in Candlekeep). And that made me feel that these characters really came from different parts of the world. I also understand the argument that British accents just suit a fantasy world so well and that American ones can come off too modern. But I kind of went with a more American English accent for Effy because, well, the story has its modern elements and I thought it suited the portrayal of her being a modern girl in this setting if you will. And with her family I really wanted them to have more of a rural/informal way of speaking. Again, I'm not a linguist and mostly operate on vibes. (If you've read this much and are wondering what the fuck I'm talking about - I can't say I blame you.) Now when it comes to UY - I might have definitely uh....done a self-insert here when it comes to Effy's voice in particular. Not saying I think she sounds like me (I can't sing for shit). But I'm a military brat - born in the midwest and lived in all sorts of environments growing up across both the US and Japan. Rural, suburbs, the city - and my first language was Japanese and I lost that at a point and speak only English now. I sound different when I'm with my dad's side of the family versus my mother's. I do think the way you talk can be fluid or subject to change - when you live in different places/environments it can impact the way you sound. I think Effy's voice too is a unique culmination of her upbringing and experiences. I think these things are the major influences in her speech:

She was born in and raised in Ardeep forest - a rural environment.

Mama who I definitely imagine to have a rural/southern accent.

Papa has a Kozakuran accent. And when he spoke Common I imagine he did so with a bit more formality and rigidity in his speech too.

Effy later went to university in Waterdeep, a melting pot.

(I have not reached this part in the story to really say, but I do think Effy uh...bounced around quite a bit after Waterdeep before coming to the Gate so who knows what she absorbed during this time.)

Then finally as we know, Effy is now mostly settled in BG, another major city with again a variety of different dialects, more than what I think the game could ever reflect.

She lives with Astarion lol. Sometimes I think she would kind of mimic his patterns a bit. Sometimes I intentionally even make Astarion mimic some of hers. As for the way Effy sounds exactly - Mitski is a huge inspiration <3 I hope this answer is satisfactory ;~; Thank you so much for the ask <3 <3 <3 Sending you love.

[softchassis]

Re-breaking the Tumblr Ice with a "25 Games To Know Me" post!

Reasons why each game is important to me are under the cut.

Sonic The Hedgehog 2 -- I love Sonic in general. I think across the entire history of the franchise I can only really point to two games I dislike, or three if I'm feeling particularly uncharitable. But Sonic 2 was the first game I ever saw at a store and said "I want that one". As for how I feel about Sonic 2 itself, it's actually not my favorite Sonic game or even my favorite classic Sonic game--those distinctions go to Sonic Unleashed and Sonic CD--but without Sonic 2, I may never have given the blue hog a chance.

Spark The Electric Jester 3 -- The most recent game on this list certainly but it deserves to be there. It's so confident and unashamed of what it is. It *knows* it's a Sonic fan game underneath its yellow blorbo skin, but it never winks at the audience about it. You just get to do some really incredible, high speed 3D platforming and mix in some DMC-lite combos in there too. It's good, it's fun, it's sincere, it's beautiful. All the Spark games are.

Cave Story -- Before Cave Story I only had a vague idea of the concept of "single person makes game all by themself". I'd certainly played plenty before, from the Shareware era on DOS and Windows 95, but Cave Story made it feel approachable. Plus, on its own, it's just a great little game.

La Mulana -- Cave Story and La Mulana share the same space in my brain. It may be a little weird to say this, but I typically don't enjoy 2D Metroidvanias. The only ones I've beaten are Super Metroid and most recently Nine Sols. But something about La Mulana just tickles me. It feels like the entire map is one big Rubik's Cube I'm beating my head against, which is more satisfying to me than "I found the thing that lets me do the thing I couldn't do earlier."

DOOM (2016) -- I love the entire Doom franchise but DOOM 2016 is my favorite standalone experience. Otherwise I have played untold hours of classic Doom mods, my favorites being Reelism, Demonsteele, and Doom Infinite.

Sekiro -- A really great experience all around. I enjoy Dark Souls and appreciate its storytelling, but most everything in Dark Souls feels too distant for me to appreciate, whereas in Sekiro, the history both is recent and ongoing, and the Shinto and Buddhist mythology informs the story in real time. And It's just so fun to actually play. You never forget your first Lady Butterfly.

Dynamite Headdy -- Most everyone loves Treasure but to me no game is more Treasure than this one.

Moon: Remix RPG Adventure -- One of the earliest plays on the RPG genre. A typical RPG hero is going around slaying monsters to level up, but that person isn't you. Instead, you go around reuniting the souls of slain monsters to revive them, and learn a lot about the heartfelt and unique world they once inhabited. A really beautiful and important game.

Worms Armageddon -- Still the best 1999

Avernum: Escape From The Pit -- A remake of Spiderweb Software's first game in the "Exile" series. Avernum tells a great fantasy story about an underground cave society, where undesirables are exiled by the empire who scorns them. Instead of laying down and dying in the caves, its new residents name it Avernum and create their own society... and they don't intend to take their punishment laying down. A really fun and atmospheric CRPG with great, Vonnegut-esque writing and a lot of heart.

Legacy Of Kain: Soul Reaver -- I played this one pretty recently and was shocked at how forward thinking it was for 1999. I played the entire Legacy of Kain series back to back, but Soul Reaver stuck out to me as the best one. If you can't tell by some of the other games on this list, I adore games that feel lonely and isolating but still have a distinct goal and stakes. Soul Reaver is incredible and finally contextualized just why I saw Raziel all over Playstation magazines as a kid--it's because he's fucking cool!

Marathon Infinity -- play the entire marathon series right now stop reading this

Lemmings -- Huh. What's that doing here

Pikmin -- The first Pikmin is the best one in my opinion. I love the time limit, I love the simplicity of the scope compared to the rest of the series, it's a fun game to just pop in once in a while and just blitz through. I also just love microworld settings. And the creature design! And the puzzle design! Ohh Pikmin there's nothing like you.

Klonoa: The Door To Phantomile -- I have a lot of fond memories of this one, but specifically of playing the demo over and over on a Playstation Magazine demo disc with my sister. I wouldn't actually play the full game until much later, on an emulator. I did later rent Klonoa 2 and finish it before that though. Klonoa is good.

Rayman -- I love this game. I love how fucking mean it is while looking so bright and poppy and silly. I first played it when I was like 8 years old and it was a really humbling, eye-opening experience. But jokes aside it's just a really good game. But yeah, it's hard. If you've never played it before and don't want to tear your hair out, you should play Rayman Redemption, a fan remake of it that makes it a bit more approachable. If you ask me though, you should try the original first.

Ecco: The Tides of Time -- I also played this one when I was really young and it was also a humbling, eye-opening experience. I just liked dolphins, I wasn't expecting to have rented the hardest game in the entire fucking store. Having revisited the Ecco series many times since then, though, I think Tides of Time is the best one. It's just gorgeous and both versions of the soundtrack are amazing. I prefer the CD one though, except for Moray Abyss and Tubes of Medusa.

Splatterhouse -- Kids love horror and kids love forbidden things, so when I saw a Splatterhouse ROM on a romsite as a kid and was immediately told I wasn't allowed to download it, of course I fucking did when no one was looking. And my brain was altered forever

Earthbound -- I very briefly had a stepbrother who had a SNES and Earthbound and I wasn't able to play it myself (no open save slots) so I just watched, but I was fascinated by it. I would eventually play it myself later on good ol ZSNES. I have nice warm memories of watching the snow on the ZSNES menu while it snowed gently outside, in between bouts of playing Earthbound and Yoshi's Island.

Yakuza -- Okay the PS2 boxart is here as a stand in, I love the entire Yakuza series dearly. I did own Yakuza and Yakuza 2 when they were new, but lost them when our PS2 and all of its games got stolen.

Sonic Robo Blast 2 -- Another Sonic game? But this one's special. I've been playing SRB2 for over half of my life at this point. I've played countless mods for it and have watched it grow from a basic little Doom platformer into a great platform for expression. It's also just fun.

Bomberman 64 -- The 3D bomb-stacking and bouncing stuff in this game is so cool and is the exact kind of finicky, almost-accidental-seeming mechanical depth I love in video games. I can't believe they only made one of these.

Psychonauts -- Kind of a stand-in for Double Fine and LucasArts in general, but definitely the best game still out of both companies. I love 3D platformers and I love what this game does. There's still not much out there like it.

Rayman 2 -- Another Rayman game? Well yeah, I can't say I love 3D platformers and just not put the best 3D platformer ever made on this list. Not an exaggeration!

Final Fantasy XIV -- I get to play as a hot lion woman now. Have you seen her? Well, now you have

[frayed-symphony]

Once upon a time I had a Tales of Symphonia OC called Reimi.

It was the early noughties. I was a teenager obsessed with 2 things - Tales of Symphonia and Full Metal Alchemist. I had seen on my favourite website at the time; DeviantART, that people would sometimes self-insert themselves into their favourite shows/games and even though I'd thought about it before, I loved these two things so much I finally decided to do the same and 'Reimi' was born.

She was my ideal version of how I looked and because I was being bullied almost every day at school, the world of Symphonia in particular was a great comfort to me. Anytime I had a particularly bad day I started to draw Reimi.

I did have one real life friend, my best friend from primary school and we'd chat on the phone every night. I convinced her to play ToS with me and the two of us fell down this rabbit hole and I made her an OC too. We called her Beatrix and she was Reimi's older sister. It was your typical 'human girls fall into fantasy world and crush on their favourite character' story. I liked Lloyd and my friend liked Kratos. We would roleplay them together and write stories for each others birthdays and Christmases. It got me through the horrible things happening at school.

In time we started to make other characters. I decided I wanted Reimi to have a summon spirit - a polar bear called Meikai who could change between human and bear form. My friend had a similar 'devil' summon, Kainashi and I started to draw them as well. (Totally stole this from Sheena but it was very fun)

The final character we designed was Harvey - he was the only one we tried to give a canonical link to Symphonia. He was the Prince of the Tethe'allan royal family and Hilda's brother. The reason you never saw him in the game, we reasoned, was because he didn't want to be a Prince and left to travel the world in secret. He runs into our heroines and becomes a part of the group. I also wanted to write some love triangle stories at that point so he has a crush on Reimi.

For a long time these characters were my whole life. They filled my brain and I would always be thinking of stories for them. The ToS characters always factored into these stories but I was too embarrassed to draw them or have anything romantic happening and that might have been because of the backlash I saw a lot of self-insert authors get. I kept my stories mostly off the internet.

But I kept drawing them as the years went on, even designing bosses and creatures for them to fight, this was one such creature - 'Malcolm' the robot. One of Rodyle's machines.

In time life got in the way. My friend and I didn't get to speak as much so the drawing motivation started to fizzle out.

I still thought and cared about these characters but there was no fresh ideas forming for them. As I got older I started to have less time for them.

This is the last drawing I ever made of them and though you might still see me draw Reimi from time to time, its been years since I drew any of the others.

I did use them for animation practise on my University course though

So that's where we are today. I had a lot of AUs for Reimi. You may have seen this potion shop picture before, it's one of my favourite ideas where Reimi is living in the slums in Meltokio, working to keep her family's store open by selling potions. It even got a Daily Deviation on deviantART! I'm sure most people didn't know it was a self-insert drawing.

Another idea I liked was Reimi being the daughter of Kvar. She's grown up in the human ranches (though largely away from their brutality) and Lloyd's group visit is a wake-up call to her that what her father and Cruxis are doing may be wrong.

I came up with way too many stories to list here.. but uh... maybe I did draw some Reimi/Lloyd art occassionally...

and thats all you're gonna see!!

Anyway I just wanted to revisit these characters since I've been doing that with my books this month. Maybe you already knew about this, maybe you didn't!! It's just a fun look into my teenage self. I am trying to draw a new outfit for Reimi now, to see how much I've improved drawing her. I hope I can post it soon.

Thanks for reading!

[landgraabbed]

hi Cat, can you share your thoughts/criticisms of DATV? i think the game is gonna flop.

hey nonners, idk. this is a complicated question. i mean, game's not even out yet so it's unfair to pass judgment on it. i can only judge bioware's approach to pre-release marketing. and i got a lot of thoughts on that.

honestly i think it will be a perfectly serviceable game and technically it will run well (i mean, it has been steam deck verified which tells me that performance was a big concern for devs). i don't think quality has much bearing on the love people can have for a game. and vice-versa. the people who are hyped to oblivion and want to preorder will like it. the people who hate it bc it has poc and queer and disabled characters will still hate it. people who analyze the game's mechanics and writing will dissect the game and be predisposed to finding things they dislike. over time opinions will mellow out and we'll see how the veilguard will be remembered.

i can't trust bioware to make an rpg that i will want to play after their last failures. different people will differ on where the string of failures started. from a quality standpoint my line is dragon age 2. me3 to me failed to deliver on the promise of the first 2 me games save for shining exceptions like the citadel dlc and javik. from a numbers standpoint the last successful game was inquisition which won goty in 2014 due to a serious lack of competition mostly, especially since witcher 3 was pushed back to 2015 (which pains me personally as that put it directly in bloodborne's path to goty in that year). thing is bioware seems to be doing all they can to avoid a flop. veilguard is bioware's hail mary after a string of failures. they are ditching the ea app to capture as many people as possible. the combat has fully careened into action, and although they keep telling us these will be the best companions ever, really, guys, the gameplay is more and more focused on the protagonist alone. the crpg roots of the series are getting cut down to attract a broader audience. perhaps at the cost of ostracizing some like me who enjoy the party-based, party-building mechanics like me.

how well this will go i don't know. on one hand i think bioware has been historically bad at showing the full scope to new and returning players. empress celene has been haunting the edges of the world since origins. the full grasp of her character is locked behind books. afaik some companions have been introduced already in supplemental materials. this sort of move didn't go well for ff15. on the other i think this game missed its window. the gaming landscape of today isn't the same as it was in 2014, and in 2014 the skyrim at home open world design was already outdated. i've been hearing about the crpg renaissance since 2016. i accompanied it. it remained a niche part of gaming until it didn't: baldur's gate 3 released last year to audience and critical acclaim. going forward i expect mainstream rpgs to take cues from bg3. and the mission based almost extraction shooter-esque design that veilguard seems to have might not land as well in 2024 as it would have in 2020.

eta: or it could go well, idk. morrowind and final fantasy were bethesda's and squaresoft's hail maries and saved those studios.

right now the marketing has missed the mark on me. it is patronizing and seemingly needs to punch down the previous da games to prop this one up. it concerns me that the game may be releasing in 2 months (as per jeff grubb) and we quite frankly haven't seen shit. just bioware telling us that trust me, these companions are deep. trust me, the combat is good. trust me, the city built on slave labor is totally the coolest one you've seen. everyone copies fromsoftware but they don't seem to learn to drop a trailer and shut up until they got more things of substance to show. and this isn't just a bioware issue.

[stiaral]

The Metal Gear Solid soundfont 🦌🎵

A bit more than one week ago, we celebrated MGS2's (best MGS game, best game story ever, absolute cinema) 23rd birthday, and only a few days ago MGS3's 20th birthday.

That's why I'm going to talk about ✨ neither of those ✨and focus on MGS1 - but first, a word about the saga's music. It goes without saying that the Metal Gear Solid franchise has an iconic soundtrack, and to me it falls into 2 categories (Metal Gear Rising being the edgy teen of the family that kind of does its own thing) :

Dramatic and cinematic emotional music that dictates the tone of the game (The best has yet to come, Can't say Goodbye to yesterday, Snake Eater, Sins of the Father...)

Quiet, suspenseful and stress inducing tunes, because yes, at the end of the day Metal Gear Solid is a stealth game. We are going to focus on these.

On one of my own songs, I wanted to create a contrast between loud imposing instruments and a more discrete section. As might be expected MGS1's influence was really strong on me, Intruder 1 comes to mind.

Silent and yet so omnious, mute and yet so expressive ; the Metal Gear Solid soundtrack is such a masterpiece I wouldn't be surprised if I weren't the only one to have these tracks automatically play in my head whenever I picture the idea of quietly and smoothly sneaking around a very dangerous place.

Naturallly, I wanted to immitate the feels that were conveyed through this soundtrack in the most faithful way possible, so I searched far and wide for a soundfont that would exactly mimick these tunes. How could a 1998 game have such thematically coherent and masterfully put music ? What could possibly be the DNA of the soundfont I was looking for ?

Legendary sound effects director, Kazuki Muraoka.

We have the evidence, we have the pictures, we know what was used to make these awesome tracks. When it comes to synths, Metal Gear Solid 1 used primarily a hardware Roland (which reminds me that I've seen one of those last Friday at the association I mentioned in one of my last posts ^^). In Japan, the standard synths for video game music back in the late 90s were the Roland JV synths, notably, the JV2080 ; those were used in Resident Evil 2, Final Fantasy Tactics and (probably ?) Metal Gear Solid. Finally, a lot of the original sounds used for MGS 1 came from the Roland SR-JV orchestral expansion board, and I think that's where most of the soundtrack''s soul comes from.

Turns out finding the exact same sounds was a bit tricky, if I recall correctly I ended up settling on an Ocarina of Time soundfont and using the violas as it turned out that N64 strings were pretty close to what I was looking for within Intruder 1.

MuseScore 4 saving my life (as usual) by having great soundfont support.

As I was doing some research for this post, I found out that 2 months ago, someone made an ACTUAL soundfont based on Metal Gear Solid, needless to say that I was quite surprised but at the end of the day I was already satisfied with what I did through my song and its violas, no need for a whole new soundfont change.

Well I guess that's about it.

And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear bi-

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #229

Where do you see your ex in 5 years? I am not comfortable answering this for any ex. I don't know these people anymore, and people change. I shouldn't be theorizing about their futures.

Does your last ex have a job? I don't know.

Would you be interested in starting your own business? I want to be a freelance photographer, so...

Do you find guys with facial piercings attractive? I tend to find piercings attractive, but this doesn't guarantee that I'm going to be attracted to a pierced man.

Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? No.

What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? More chocolate, peanut butter, or caramel.

What, in your opinion, is the most disgusting part of the human body? I actually hate how genitals look, either kind.

Do you have slim or chubby fingers? Slim. It's about the only slim thing about me.

Have you done anything lately that you instantly felt was a mistake? Uh, maybe? But not of importance large enough for me to actually remember it.

Pencils: mechanical or traditional? Mechanical for sure.

Are you into anyone right now? Tell me about them? Use this space to say something to them. Well, Girt, obviously. I feel like I talk about him enough for readers to have a general gist of him, he's insanely introverted but loyal as FUCK to people he values, and he's the funniest fucking person I've ever met. He's my best friend in the world and I hope he never doubts how much I value him as not just a boyfriend, but friend.

Do you cook and/or bake? What is your specialty? I don't. It's funny though, I recently got into a chef's YouTube channel and also like another, and I like watching their stuff, even though I'm not interested in cooking or baking myself. I WISH I was.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? A friendship, yes. That's how I felt towards the end of Sara's and my friendship. Like, we'd split apart so many times, I didn't wanna fucking do it again. It never went well.

Are you attracted to any nationality more than others? Nope.

Do feet creep you out? They don't creep me out, I just don't like them and think they're gross.

Do you have a sexual fantasy? What is it? yeah I'm not sharing that stuff lmfao

Do you like the band Satyricon? I've never heard this name in my life.

Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when its hot in your room? I CAN'T sleep if I'm hot. I literally have two fans in my room.

What is your favorite thing to do with your best friend? Chatting/being silly together and playing video games.

Are you easily offended? No. Few things actually offend me.

Have you ever acted as tour guide for friends/relatives from out of town? lol no, this place sucks and there's nothing TO show, there's no need.

Do you feel bored with your life? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am agonizingly bored by my fucking life, I could rant about this for hours, it's unreal how bored I am by the life I exist in.

What's the most weight you've ever gained from a medication? Like, 100 pounds. I wish I was fucking kidding. Thanks, Abilify <3

How old were you the first time you encountered God? The concept of "God" was forced on me from birth (literally, I was baptized), sooooo... I guess you can't truly "encounter" something that you finally understand doesn't exist, though.

Are you married? No.

What was the best date you've ever been on? A double-date to an arcade.

Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? I very rarely post about my personal life because I feel like no one cares and I'm just being annoying. I just share memes n shit.

Which stereotype do you fit the most? Geek and goth at heart, I guess. I don't really dress it though, I'm too lazy and poor for that.

Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin.

Did you go to prom? I went to two: his senior and my senior.

If you could rewind time ten years, would you? No.

What is the last song you played on repeat? fuckin "Diggy Diggy Hole" by Wind Rose lmfao

Do you own a CD player? Not anymore.

Do you think you could handle a job in the medical field? Why or why not? No. It would depress me, more than anything.

Would you rather edit photos on your phone or computer? Computer. I have Lightroom on both devices, but computer is easier and more precise with the mouse.

What is one electronic device you own that you have not used in a long time? Nintendo DS.

When was the last time you wore a dress or a skirt? Not since a Halloween photoshoot I did with my friend.

What is your favorite thing about Instagram? I dunno, really. I just enjoy it. I do feel like I'm less likely to see shit I don't want to, like dumbfuck right-wing shit I didn't ask for on Facebook.

What is the first thing you think of when you see the rainbow emoji? 🌈? the gays stealing the rainbow from god ✌️

Do you prefer to play chess or checkers? Checkers, idk how to play chess.

If you had to go an entire week without using any technology, what do you think you would spend most of your time doing instead? Reading, sleeping, writing, drawing. I'd be miserable, though.

Would you rather travel to Asia or France? Somewhere in Asia.

Did you have a New Year’s kiss? No, we weren't in each other's presence that night. You'd be hard-pressed to find a night I stay up 'til midnight anyway.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? I say "breakfast" funny. I put a "t" after the "k" and I can't fix it.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? Juan was somewhere around five years older than me, give or take a year. It was problematic though because of my age.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? I am very proud of myself for making the conscious decision to really start changing how I think and treat myself. It hasn't been "meh I'll try," I'm DOING it.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? Nope, nope.

What is your opinion on people who shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I don't give a shit????????????

Is marijuana legal for “recreational use” where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? It is not legal, but my psychiatrist shared that it's looking like NC will make it legal in the foreseeable future (Mom shared we really want to try edibles for me). I wish it was legal everywhere.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you’d like to live alone? I still live with my mother. I NEVER want to live alone, I would be FUCK-ING miserable. My depression and isolatory behaviors would eat me alive.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? Never, I use WordPad. You have to pay for Microsoft Word.

After doing your laundry do you leave it in your basket for a couple days, then put it away? Ugh it can stay in the basket for days upon days upon days.

When you do a puzzle do you find all the edges first? Of course, unless I incidentally find a match of interior pieces.

When you’re in the car and you eat something with a wrapper, do you throw the wrapper out of the window? Do this and I wish you death

List 5 things that have happened in the last 7 days. (They can be anything at all, anything that’s happened involving you, or your family, friends, partner.) 1.) I've been playing the remake of Resident Evil 4 2.) My younger sister got a dog 3.) I went to Girt's house 4.) I finished another book in the Warriors series 5.) I drew!!!!

If you found out your ex had a new partner, would you be upset? There is no ex where I would care if they had a new partner.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? I've done sexual things we shouldn't have done in someone else's bedroom.

Have you ever had sex on your bedroom floor? How about your living room floor? Again, just sexual things. But not since I was a teenager, you could NOT lure my fat and achy ass onto the floor anymore lmfao

When you kiss someone, do you like to play with their hair? I do it, so I suppose yes.

Why did you hug the last person you hugged? The kids were leaving.

Do you regret sleeping with anyone? No.

Did anyone comfort you the last time you cried? What was your reason for crying? My mom, yes. I've just been stressed out and dealing with anxiety issues.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? I’d get an abortion, we can't be doing that.

Is there anyone that likes you, other than the person you love/like/are with? I doubt it.

Who is the 9th contact in your phone? Have you ever hugged/kissed that person? That's my little sister, I've certainly hugged her and maybe kissed her cheek when we were younger.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I was annoyed, the kids came in being loud and I hadn't slept very well. Pretty sure I cursed lmao.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? Of course.

Random fact about the person you love/like? He's back in college for business management-type stuff. I always forget the exact name of his major. He's VERY nearly done, he just had to drop out when his dad died.

[noors-reflection]

Pixels and Poetry: Yeule's Sonic World

What effects does it have on someone when their closest friends are usernames, and their happiest memories are bound to pixels and internet signals? Yeule's music has been a gateway for me to explore these niche themes: digital loneliness & also my own queerness; she expresses the emotional complexities of this digital era—a space where connection is abundant yet often feels hollow. 

Yeule's entire discography is an auditory experience that feels like both a cry for connection and a celebration of the freedom the virtual world can bring. It's music that is supposed to be listened to when you're sitting at your computer in the dark when nobody else is awake, with no one else to talk to. when your brain is tangled in its own thoughts. It feels like exiting a panic attack where everything seems more calm than it started. Issues still feel difficult but they're not as insurmountable as they were in the beginning.

Everything feels nice and comforting yet bittersweet (a word I'll be using a lot to describe her music.) It's exactly what I feel when I look back at all the friends I've made online, most I don't have contact with any longer, and the digital spaces that served as queer safe havens for almost all of my youth, a substitute for not being able to come out to my own family. It's really strange to have these intimate connections with people you've never seen. Despite how easy it is to be vulnerable and to open up online, those moments will most often exist only in that space, and oftentimes they'll disappear with time too.

Dream pop as a genre is introspective in this way too. It's something that's paradoxically synthetic yet real. Yeule encompasses these feelings in her music, how something artificial can somehow be more real than anything you've ever experienced.

In an interview with LE MILE magazine, she touches on the melancholy and emptiness conveyed in her music because of internet-induced solitude by sharing:

"The internet was a form of escape for me, but how I used it was wrong. I was creating this fake world by myself. It was inspiring, but I was in my head to the point where I was imagining things beyond comprehension. I’m a whole different person online, like a whole different persona. It’s not about being inauthentic but showing a part of myself that I repress. I see this anger and dark side to me sometimes when playing games."

In her album Serotonin II, she conveys not only the bittersweet nature of time spent on the internet but hopes for the future as well. It's almost as if she's letting you know personally that things are going to be okay, that is until the final track Veil of Darkness where the "veil" slips and you see the darkness in yeule's world: the confusion, the noise, the stress, the anger. It's something that's always been there but it just lurked under the surface. Once the distractions are gone, negativity is left with it. This is depicted in the music video for Pretty Bones where she best describes it herself in a comment under a reddit Q&A:

"pretty bones emanates a somber, dreary atmospheres that "loom" over the picturesque and aesthetically pleasing, evoking an anxiety that builds and distorts/ catches the viewer off guard as the video progresses. i wanted it to temporally shift to something quite disturbing , at first hinting at it and then fully revealing itself- just like when you grow up- from a child into the grown up world you are thrown forcefully into the corruptions and you fight and struggle to protect yourself from it, but some fall and some cannot handle the shift from "purities" or whatnot, in terms of mental health or people hurting you, environmental stressors that lead to a disintegration"

Yeule’s influences vary from the numerous aesthetics ranging from shoegaze to grunge, but namely Final Fantasy (which is where the name yeul comes from), a video game where you can get lost in an intricately crafted universe, yet feel the isolation of being the only one occupying it, is exactly what her music feels like to me—an immersive experience where everything is designed to captivate, but there’s always an underlying sense of solitude. She touches on this a bit by talking about her influences in the same interview by expressing:

"Dissociation was a huge hobby of mine in 2021. It got so bad that I’d dissociate while doing something important, and it would get dangerous. My body was shutting down because everything was too overwhelming. I didn’t have the tools to handle strong emotions"

Not relying solely on lyrics to convey this expression of self-discovery, fully embracing these influences, wearing them like a badge of honor in ways that are uniquely her own, she also uses sound effects, glitch, bitcrushing, and reverb to create feelings of fragmentation and digital decay, which perfectly embody the themes discussed earlier. She shares this in an interview, which I find so empowering, when discussing the difficulties of being an artist and being true to herself as a non-binary individual living in Singapore:

"Ugliness can be so beautiful, looking taboo, being unconventional — It’ll discriminate against you in some places, but you’ll find new people."

Everything yeule puts out together (which you can listen to here) evokes a bittersweet comfort out of people, like the calm after a storm, which resonates to many in the youtube comments of her music videos, where the beauty of vulnerability and imperfections are laid bare for you to experience. Such an important artist for this generation, with music so enchanting I actually want it injected directly into my veins.

[satorikomeijigaming]

Ladies, Gents, and my Enby pals in the audience, the day has arrived. Platinum #50: Final Fantasy XIII. Trophy #5000. Just about 2 months short of 13 years since my first ever trophy. Admittedly not a huge number for 13 years, but considering I've only been actively trophy hunting for 5 years... much more impressive.

Oh, what can I say about Final Fantasy XIII. My favorite game in the series, potentially tied with XIII-2. One of the first games I ever played. Possibly one of the best soundtracks in any video game ever made. One of the most beautiful games on the PS3.

XIII gets, or at least used to get, a lot of hate for its flaws. Nowadays it's remembered a little more fondly, thankfully. I would compare it to Gen 5 of Pokémon in that regard.

This formatting with these short paragraphs is horrible, but I'm just typing my thoughts out now, really. This game has had more impact on me than almost any other game short of Genshin getting me into gachas and Fortnite being Fortnite. I distinctly remember back in 1st grade, my first ever year of actual school (hell for little undiagnosed-ADHD brained me), I was sent to the closest thing that an elementary school can have to a detention: a small square room with nothing in it, and some random unlucky staff member forced to watch me to make sure i wasn't screaming or something. At least it had carpet, unlike the second elementary school I went to and got in trouble a lot at.

In that tiny room, I had a wonderful little daydream that I was physically acting out and voicing and everything involving the main cast of this game. Which is to say, Lighting is basically my Super Mario. If that makes sense. And to be fair I also did play a lot of Mario games (primary Bowser's Inside Story because was just really smart or something, I don't know. That's a story for another day.)

Anyways fast forward to now. That weird boy with self-control in the negatives is now a weird almost 19-year old unnecessarily closeted trans girl with significantly more thoughts going on in her head, a lot more ability to handle herself, and a lot more games she plays. Ain't life wonderful?

Also gunblades are cool as fuck. Happy Halloween.

[the-east-art]

Musing on JRPGS

Just like some stuff I've been thinking about. This will mostly talk about Tales of games that I've played and Final Fantasy VII (kind of reviews of these games?)

I'm putting it under the readmore because this will probably be long and rambly!

SO quick background. I love video games but I don't actually play a ton of them, I get busy with a lot of other stuff so while I have a passion for games I would never call myself an expert. Growing up my parents did not want us playing video games, and we only ever had consoles or games because of my rogue grandparents and uncle I believe. I grew up with a Gamecube with no memory cartridge, so games I played we always started over, or had to keep the GameCube on for weeks at a time. Eventually we got one, but that was in middle school.

Most of my experience with JRPGS has been in the last six years. I met a lovely friend with a passion for Tales of games and have slowly been making my way through the catalogue with them. (they're @mewnia and do awesome art!)

Anyways JRPGS! So I have noticed a couple main ideas that guide a JRPG. Most of them are defined by their lead characters story, the world building/magic system, the fighting system, and the cast of supporting characters. Different games are stronger or weaker in the various areas.

The Tales of series and the Final Fantasy series are like sister franchises to me. They both are a long line of titles, all mostly standalone, that deal with the same general magic concepts of spirits and stuff but play around with the rules these elements play by and the role they have in the story itself. My first JRPG was really Tales of Symphonia, and while I remember really loving it, I also played it way back in Middle School. I could talk about it, but not in a way that's analytical enough for this discussion. There is also kind of a classic JRPG mid game twist, where we discover that the world is not what we thought and reveal the 'true' plot of the game.

The Tales of series while not the most popular series in the west I really love the general design elements that they choose to go with. I feel like they're just stylized enough to stand out (with the exception of Arise, which makes me worry for the future of the franchise) and their designs walk an interesting line between complex and and just approachable enough for an artist.

Tales of Vesperia - This was the first one I played with my friend. The overall story isn't anything special in my opinion, but where this game really shines is the the side characters. This may be one of if not the best JRPG I've played so far that has the characters dynamics not only feel so good, but has each characters narrative arc integrate into the main story in such an intuitive way. Many JRPGs I've played will have the main plot basically come to a standstill in order to address the side characters stories. However each character in this game has a significant relevance to the main plot, and while circumstance brings them together, it's their choices that keeps them together. Because you connect so much with the characters, this game made me have some real emotions during its' various character twists (I'm looking at Raven here) Although this games mid game twist isn't anything crazy.

Tales of the Abyss - Boasting some of my favorite character designs, this games overall plot is definitely one of my faves. I think it does its' musical motif really well in the worldbuilding. The main character specifically has some of the best written progression and development over the course of the game, which does a good job at feeling real. Both this game and Vesperia has a relatively simple battle system, but I especially like how I feel like I'm really in control of how I play my character, and that I'm making choices in battles. Again I think most of the credit to this game goes to its' good world-building.

Tales of Xillia - This one boasts some of my least favorite character designs! congrats! I just felt like the designs are too complex and as a group not harmonious. When all the characters in Abyss stand together I was very happy. When all these characters stand together it looks like a mess. That being said the mid game plot twist in this game KICKS ASS. I LOVE IT. The issues in this game are one of my faves in the moral complexity, with lots of attention put towards how we prioritize certain people in our societies. I recall enjoying the fighting in this game too, and this is the first game I think I played with a really unique ability to customize your characters with little silly props. 10/10 all games should have this.

Xillia 2 - I will just touch on this one briefly. I have big love for the protag in this game, and it has good world building. I love alternate universes. Getting to see the paths the main characters took after the events of the first game is nice, although I would have appreciated a couple more new characters in the team. The affinity building dynamic was unique to this game and something I particularly enjoyed. Ludger is also very hot. there I said it.

Tales of Zestiria - This game is, uh, fine. Designs are fine. Character dynamics range from really good to just meh. The story is pretty vanilla, which I think is on purpose? Since its like a King Arthur retelling. I feel like this game has a really weird battle system where your attacks are judged by combo rather than direction button presses, which made me feel less in control of my characters fighting. However the magical girl merge mechanic in this game made up for it. Despite being such a vanilla story, I also found myself really confused a lot? Like the names and stuff for some reason were really hard to follow? But that's okay because this game sets the stage for....

Tales of Berseria - a prequel to Zestiria, but best played after it. The vanilla tone of Zestiria perfectly sets you up for the INCREDIBLE story of Berseria, where you play as not only a morally grey character, but in many ways an actual villain. The character dynamics in this game are really fun, as most characters are also leaning into the morally grey archetype, versus some of the characters that are kind of trapped with the group but are more archetypical good characters. It ends up really making you look at the story from a lot of different angles. The designs can be hit or miss in this game, ranging from awesome to 'I know you could do better'. The fighting in this game is one of my faves, requiring some real thought and the ability to have unique abilities taken from enemies spices things up a lot. This game is, without a doubt, a tragedy. And while by this point I was kind of tired of Tales of games never giving it's protags happy endings, I can't deny that this ideas was a theme throughout all the game and all the characters arcs.

Alright so, Final Fantasy VII

So, because I have played so many Tales of games, it is with the eyes of a tales of player that I analyzed Final Fantasy when I finally played it a month or so ago. Final Fantasy VII was an archetype game, defining a genre. That means that it is both very good, and also very lacking in the quality of life additions that we take for granted in more current games. So I won't belabor you with those critiques, just know that they're there. The designs in this game are good! very different from the Tales of series that I know, these character designs are a little more grungy looking, but overall I think the team looks good all stranding together and in the world, which is what matters the most. The magic system is something very unique, with the idea that the lifeblood of the world is also the knowledge of the past, and the materia system is simple enough for a beginner but also complex enough that if you should choose you can really dig your teeth into it. I personally really love the story of this game, both as it played with trials of the main cast, and the political power of Shirna in the face of the apocalypse. I think it's particularly telling and realistic that even in such a circumstance, the government will attempt to fight both the apocalypse AND the main cast rather than uniting. Character arcs are VERY hit or miss. We have some arcs that incorporate perfectly into the main story such as Aerith's, some that are only there to support the main characters (Tifa), some that stop the main plot in order to be pursued off to the side (Red XIII, Barret, Yuffie), and some that are barely there is at all (Cait Sith and Vincent). Luckily we have the remake in the form of future hope that some of these characters will get the spotlight and attention I feel they need.

Anyway uh if you read this all thanks! Mostly I wanted to get some of my thoughts down so I wouldn't forget it. IDK if I'll ever make a JRPG of my own, but I do really love JRPGS. I find the large cast to always be very fun, and the different ways that the games build up a world around similar building blocks to make unique stories is really interesting. Sometimes these worlds are the main focus, and sometimes they are just a beautiful backdrop for the plot.

[xbalayage]

┆➵ This is my Secret Santa Exchange gift for @ax0lotly in @lemeowade's event. :) I knew nothing of this game beforehand so I did my best to create this for you! I hope you like it! Forewarning: This is a bit of a heavy read and contains themes of suicidal thoughts, death and attempted suicide. Because this game is a psychological horror game. But it ends on a positive note, I promise! But read at your own discretion. Sunny POV w/ slight Sunny/Kel at the end; Angst/Comfort; WC: 815

I haven't coped well... at all.

I stare at these walls like they could swallow me whole, like the never ending nightmare of limbo would never cease; beneath my eyelids, curled up under the covers, curtains drawn and darkness envelopes - I still see and hear you. Sometimes I swear I hear your piano play on its own and think you're still alive but it's the guilt clawing away at me until there's nothing left.

I can't stand the sound, the bittersweet lullaby of your death in my ears.

My HANDS— these hands are no better. Tainted and soiled; once trained to play a melody on a violin, to create a beautiful symphony along with the chords to your piano now stay out of my sight. Every day reminders of what I've done to you. It was an accident, I swear. Emotions had blinded my rational thought and I reacted.

I'm sorry.

But sorries don't bring you back nor does the ghost of you leave this house.

It's... tormenting.

Reality sets in, yet I lay awake in my dreams; filled with your smile, understandable love and touch. You forgive me but I don't forgive myself. Our friends, our group? We said we'd be friends forever, always having each other's backs when things got tough. But it's been mangled to the point of unrecognizable, irreparable. We're like strangers who've never crossed each other's paths in this lifetime. Everyone loved you, and I was the selfish one who took you from them. From me, your only brother; you, my only sister.

I could never forgive myself.

It's been years now — I'm stuck in a loop of the events that plague and infect the core of me, festering deep, rooting scars into the crevices of my brain like a parasite. Out of touch, out of body, out of mind; day feels like night, night resembles hell and these hands are still connected to my wrists.

I live in a comatose state, alive but not exactly living. Dead, but my heart is still beating. An agonizing cycle of mental torture. In my dreams, you're still alive, your skin feels warm to the touch and all our friends are with us like that traumatic event never happened.

Tonight, however, I've made my choice.

A fantasy dream where you're alive is better than a grieving world where you've passed. In the darkness, under the covers, shielded from any and everyone; I use these hands to take part in a sinful act again.

Holding a knife just above my heart while I laid curled on my side, I scrunch my eyes and slow my shaky breath. A second is all it takes. No longer will the ghost of you haunt my ever present existence, for it shall embrace your forgotten touch in the afterlife.

Wait for me, Mari.

And just when I've felt I finally mustered the courage to end it all — I hear a voice, a different voice that isn't yours. An old but comforting one, a long forgotten hymn of light embraced me.

—It was Kel.

And suddenly, no knife was in my crutches, the room was no longer enveloped in an eternal black winter and the lullaby of your presence fades.

Slow, cautiously slow, I opened my eyes to be welcomed by the sounds of birds chirping, the rays of a new beginning closing in and the smile of a face I thought I would never see again. His smile radiates my body with an unknown warmth I've long forgotten and I stare at him confused, seeing the image of my sister in his place. But before I could think to mutter a word, he speaks in a comforting tone for only my ears to hear.

"Hey, I know it wasn't your fault. It's okay, you can forgive yourself, even if it takes some time. I'll be here for you."

An angel was sent to me; it wasn't my time to go. And I was overwhelmed with emotion that nothing left me but tears down my face at those words. Those much needed words. Did you send Kel to me, Mari? Do you really forgive me? Is it okay?

Kel holds my hand as I cried for as long as I needed, never forcing me to do anything else but cry. The only comfort I ever indulged was in my dreams but now, with this heaven sent message I've been brought, maybe confronting the trauma might be a good thing. Baby steps at a time.

Maybe one day, I'll learn to finally forgive myself and see my hands as things to create something beautiful once more.

Ever since the day he rescued me, things have seemed brighter joining Kel on my walk to recovery. And it's all thanks to you, Mari. Thank you.

Now, instead of grief, all I hear is the timeless symphony I've created in the honor of your death.

[crystalelemental]

So I guess you don’t have much positive to say about Stranger of Paradise, particularly it amounting to the Garland backstory no one asked for. Also, if you don’t like 7, which I understand as being one of the most loved games in Final Fantasy, then is there ANY Final Fantasy you would define as “good?”

Oh man. Stranger of Paradise fucking rules. I haven't played it, but I watched a playthrough of it after seeing the Bullshit scene and reading a synopsis and thinking this would be the most cringe shit ever and telling my wife we absolutely had to watch this, and for most of the game it definitely pushes into an earnest "this is so goofy I can't hate it but it's certainly not quality," but then you hit the pivot and it's like am I having feelings about fucking Astos the dark elf right now? That game exceeded every expectation. Jack Garland is unironically cool as hell.

Anyway, there are others, but more under the cut because unfortunately I am in a chatty mood today.

I think part of my answer to this has to come with the caveat of "I've mostly played re-released that made the games substantially more accessible, so if you're asking whether I think any are good it's like...yes but also no."

I think Final Fantasy XII is the best one. I think the story is fantastic, I love the cast, I think Vaan is out of the way enough to not really be a problem, I think the world itself is really neat, I think the concepts for Gambits are a lot of fun to set up and see run. I also think if I tried to play a version of it that isn't The Zodiac Age and had to deal with everyone having the same grid and no speed up function I would stab myself, and even with the updates all the weird MMO-esque low drop rates for certain items in chests is extremely intolerable, into a really poorly designed superboss fight in Yiazmat. Though the phrase "poorly designed superboss" applies to like. Every Final Fantasy superboss.

Except 5's, which I think are legitimately fun and interesting. Five is probably the one I consider the highest quality. Despite being goofy, it's honestly got a really poignant narrative, and an extremely endearing cast. The class system is divine, and I love the creativity available in its systems. I hated it as a kid when I sucked at video games because holy shit is this game kinda hard, but now it's an easy favorite.

I really respect 3. Not the DS version so much, but the pixel remaster actually made me fall in love with the game. It's less refined than 5, and I think it very strongly railroads you into like five actually useful class options, but it's a really fun and very streamlined experience, and the transition from the initial overworld to the Boundless Ocean just really impacted me personally, I think that's a great reveal.

I like four, but I don't think it's good, that's just pure nostalgia. I really latched on to Rydia as a kid, and I thought Cecil having to fight his Dark Knight self and winning only by refusing to fight while the Dark Knight used its HP sacrifice move until it KO'd itself was peak ludonarrative. It's still really good. I just also have to be honest that a lot did not favor it as I aged.

FF1 is pure neutral, because it's not really doing much to have a strong feeling in any particular direction. It's fine. Pixel remaster is the best iteration because you can turn off encounters, turn on 4x EXP and gold, and just boss run the entire game, improving it immensely.

FF2 sucks, but I will admit some story beats are, in my opinion, wildly under-appreciated. You kill the emperor and he conquers hell and comes back. That rules.

FF6 and FF7, the beloveds of the series, are lukewarm for me. FF7 I haven't played recently enough to fully articulate why, I just can't remember anything interesting going on from when I played it way back when, and I am personally less invested in SciFi, which is what that game feels like to me more than fantasy. My wife would probably tell me it's urban fantasy, but the point remains: I want my fantasy to be vaguely old timey. FF6 is a very well crafted narrative that I think takes zero risks on anything. I think it's so well loved because it didn't really push anyone to consider anything they didn't already believe, which is why people think it's super powerful that Celes and Terra, the only two adult women in a cast of 14 playable characters, start to understand their human heart by finding the most boring hetero romance partner or adopting children. Also everything Kefka is about what Exdeath was about, but Exdeath is cooler. "Oh but Kefka doesn't have any kind of sympathetic backstory to-" he kinda does, they explain he was subject to Cid's experiments and that broke his mind. Even if you don't count it, Exdeath doesn't even get that, he's just evil for its own sake. I don't think either of these are bad, only that I don't remember enjoying 7 much, and having recently replayed 6, was not as dazzled as most seem to be.

Listen. I cannot tell you about FF8's plot. I just think about the word "junctioning" and start convulsing. I hate that system so much. I hate that levels scale to Squall's level, so the best way to play is to never kill anything but convert them to cards for the stupid minigame, then use good cards to earn more good cards to convert to spells to junction to stats. I couldn't beat the final boss when I played normally and reached level cap, because I didn't junction all the best spells at 100 uses. I had to restart and play to the junctioning in the slowest, worse grind I've ever known. There's probably a midpoint somewhere that makes the game tolerable but I do not know it. It's the only one I legitimately don't know how people can enjoy. Even 2 has some nonsense going for it, but 8 I cannot remember a single positive memory of.

FF9 was fine, I actually remember liking the general story (apparently I have an affinity for "kinda goofy but very sincere"), but as mentioned, that game solidified my general stance of "Do not ever split the party on me I will kill you." Because they took Garnet at a critical moment, leaving me with no healer, relying on Potions when we barely had money because you can't sell equipment because it has unique skills to pass on, but you can't really grind money either because you'd take damage negating what you earned anyway, until you can push far enough without issue to get Quina and figure out how to learn White Wind, and I hated that entire section so much. Maybe it's not as bad now that I'm older and can take it. But the memory burns within me.

FF10 is really fun to play for the main campaign despite being best described as "immature" on a story level. It's a shame about postgame being the most extreme and tedious grind-fest out there with completely shitty superbosses.

I never played past 12. My step-brothers had a PS2 so I got 10 and 12, with 10 kinda being my entry point, but when the console upgrades happened we didn't get the PS3, so I didn't keep up with 13 onward. I have seen tidbits of 16 and am not impressed. I could not tell you a singular detail about 15 despite knowing I've seen things. No one ever had a positive thing to say when 13 came out, but recently I hear a lot of defense for it but couldn't tell you why.

Anyway, call it contrarian, because I am severely so, but I don't think something qualifies as "good" because popular consensus says so. I think even the games I don't like have merit, and there's a reason that they resonate with people, but I'm not about to defend something that I don't enjoy or find as profound. There are a few Final Fantasy games I consider really good, but they are...definitely not the ones most people agree on.

[vex-cti]

[LONGPOST] I just finished... Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth

I wanna write down all my thoughts before I delve into more in-depth online opinions. I'm writing this on the same day as having done the last two chapters of the game, so I may have not had time to process the story completely. However, I've been playing this game for the entire month and I got a lot to say. Obvious spoilers ahead, but I'll still try to keep some things vague enough.

Okay Square Enix, you win, I'll use photo mode

Graphics in video games are like how attractive a dessert looks, it doesn't dictate how it will taste, but it makes you want to try it. Rebirth feels like one of those games that is finally showing what the PS5 is capable of, with environments extremely rich in detail, superb lightning that's both colorful and conveys the right emotion for each scene, this is the prettiest Final Fantasy has ever looked, even compared to 16 which had some optimization issues and dull lightning in some areas, specially towards endgame. No single location in Rebirth feels half-baked, what used to be single screens and flat textures in the original have been completely re-imagined to have their own identity. I will talk about more about the open environments when I talk about gameplay and exploration.

Reliving the moments: Going above and beyond

The cutscene direction for this game is absolutely phenomenal, I love that they have amped up the campiness of the original 7, while also being faithful to the serious and emotional moments. What shines even more in Remake is the excellent writing when it comes to the characters, their performances are full of charisma, and it made it clear to me why the cast of seven ended up becoming so iconic to gaming as a whole. Every scene with these characters interacting, no matter if it was the dullest of sidequests, made everything entertaining. But the best part of Rebirth, like its predecessor, it's when it brings back the iconic moments we all wanted to see. The Junon Parade, Costa del Sol, Red XIII and Cosmo Canyon, Barret and Corel, and many more of these moments have barely altered from how they happened originally, reliving these moments feels like watching a high production TV Series based on a book you loved as a kid. If you love the original FFVII but have no intentions of playing the remake due to how things change, I at least recommend you look up the scenes that do stay faithful.

Some things left me wanting

Still, Rebirth only covers up to the end of Disc 1 section of the story, and has some blatant teases from trailers and the game itself that left me wanting. The Planet's weapons are mentioned and different versions appear, but there's no Diamond or Ruby weapon superboss yet. Both Cid and Vincent make their debuts near the final chapters, but are not playable for now, which left me a little disappointed. And this lets me segway perfectly into the other best part of Rebirth...

Can I just say I love the portraits in this game? Love me some PNGs

When I first played Part 1 of the Remake saga, I felt like I had no idea of what I was doing with the combat, I found the action-hybrid system too complicated and visually cluttered I felt like I was brute forcing every fight and not really enjoying myself. I finished the game and didn't come back to it until early this year where I decided to do Hard Mode for the Platinum, and this time I had a way better time, now understanding the combat system and each fight better. It makes for a flashy, semi tactical game with very visceral and satisfying animations, powers, character building thanks to materia, the importance of positioning, blocking, switching aggro, it felt like the realization of what games like FF12 and 13 aimed to be.

So imagine my surprise when Rebirth made it even better. Fundamentals are still the same, new skills were to be expected, but my favorite new addition are synergy skills. Not only do you get special commands you can perform with your partners in the party with extremely satisfying animations, you also have synergy real time action commands which reward you for being more reactive and agressive, now adding perfect blocks and counters, now every time you play with a different team composition you're gonna feel the difference of having Barret or Red or Yuffie as your partner, as you get access to different skills.

They also help you build ATB for characters not actively controlled at any given time, which is an excellent quality of life improvement. My only nitpick is that despite the menus allowing you to have 3 different party compositions and even allowing you to set the leader for each, Cloud is mandatory. Cloud is of course good at everything, so it's not the worst thing, but it does suck that I can't play as a team of Barret, Red, and Yuffie at any time in the open world. Though you can do that at virtual combat challenges or the colliseum. This feels like an oversight.

Fortunately, this meant I was playing around different characters all the time, because they're all great, and it feels super satisfying to set the right materia for each one according to what you envision them to be and complement their abbilities. Some are obvious: give Yuffie the steal materia, give Aerith healing materia. But who gets to be the mage, the debuffer, the buffer, the tank, that's up to you. I found Red XIII + Darkside materia works extremely well thanks to his Reaper Claw abbility and his health regeneration, sort of like a bestial Dark Knight, great crowd control and support all around. Cait Sith takes some work to get used to, and requires lots of setup, but his luck based gameplay can have some serious benefits, I'm sure he will come in handy in hard mode. Yuffie plays almost identically to her DLC, and she is excellent for handling boss fights with multiple parts or different weaknesses.

Exploring will either be fun or tedious, depends on who you ask

I feel like the other primary component of the gameplay, which is the exploration and traversal, will be a bit more divisive. It takes tropes from standard open world games like towers, points of interest, fast travel, loot locations, hunts, there is nothing new or original about it. However, that doesn't mean it can't be fun. Completing areas feels like I'm playing a collect-a-thon akin to Sonic Frontiers, where while it may not be the most exciting thing in the world, it is very relaxing for me, as I take in the sights and look for ways to get to new areas and find the next rare fiend. What I enjoy about the world design is that areas are not large, but are very packed and designed in such a way where you can't get everywhere by just looking at markers on the map, sometimes you do have to look for clues on the environment to get to where you need to, meaning you're looking at where you're going more than your tracker, which is great, but you still get the benefits of one. So it's a nice compromise, not as open ended as BoTW or Elden Ring, but not as braindead as a Ubisoft game. However, completing these areas can take a while, and if you're like me and plan to do all of them, don't be surprised when each area can take you up to 10 hours if you want to do everything.

"No seriously Cloud, I'm still waiting!" -Sephiroth, 100 hours into your game file

If you remember FF16 (I love that game too btw), you might remember how universally hated the sidequests were, not so much for their stories, but for their large amount and lack of variety. It seems like Rebirth is an active effort to avoid those same mistakes. Most sidequests in this game has you doing something different, have an entertaining story or character development attached to them, or even have you doing something dumb like bringing chickens back to their sweet innocent mother, or following an Ex Shinra employee in some brutal gold saucer challenges. I won't say every sidequest is a winner, at the end of the day, they're still busywork, and never will a game make you feel good saying "Congratulations on your progress, you have unlocked even more sidequests to do!". Still, I have to commend them, they do not bombard you with them, you can do a few at a time and be good for the next area, and the rewards allow your party to access more skills.

They have some of the most fun music too

The sidequest also introduce an excuse to have you do more of the minigames and take on their harder difficulties. And BOY did they add soooo many minigames, I could not believe I was encountering a new one what feels like every hour. There's something both horrifying and admirable about the devs commitment to bring back the spirit of a ps1 classic in this way. Have you noticed that triple AAA games basicly don't do minigames anymore? Yea fishing games are still around I guess, but Rebirth is not ashamed to harken to those videogamey roots and sheer goofiness. Red football, Fort Condor (love the reinterpretation), Super Dolphin Sunshine, and so many more. Enjoy youself with these minigames, and pick your least favorites too because there will be at least one that will make you want to break your controller. Contenders for me are Glide de Chocobo for it's terrible camera, and Gears & Gambits for having an overwhelming amount of Gambits for such a simple minigame (even FF12 had you start with a small amount). Still, there is more bad than good here. What I was not expecting was a brand new card game, akin to Triple Triad in 8 and 14: Queen's Blood.

*Insert Yugioh abridged reference here*

Not only did I not expect a new card game 2 hours into the game, I did not expect it to be so good, and have me thinking about different deck builds, deck synergy, strategies, and ways to one up your opponent with some smart plays. Queen's Blood is an extremely fun time sink and nice break from all the combat and normal exploration. It can be overwhelming at first, and having so many different cards with effects each is a hassle I've seen many not even wanting to bother with, finding some of its rules to be too confusing. I will say that if you're not constantly updating your deck with better cards you won't be making much progress, but you also won't know what cards are better if you don't play enough to get what your objective is, so it's best to start getting into it the sooner you start the game. Do make sure you take note of some of the later puzzles and challenges, as they can teach you strategies to make comebacks on hard duels.Screw the survival challenges, though.

But the journey isn't quite the same, after all

Perhaps the stuff I have the least things to say about, are the new elements to the story, which are more prevalent during the beginning and ending sequences of the game. I was honestly intrigued at the start, the tension and anxiety felt in this unknown timeline Zack has walked into, and the mystery surrounding the true fate of our protagonists, as it shows you bits and pieces of more information the further you progress, I was curious to where things were going. Unfortunately, the ending provided even more questions than answers, and I still feel like it's not as emotionally impactful as perhaps it intends to be, maybe due to the lack of clear information. I understand it wants to keep itself vague with the idea of multiple timelines and universes colliding, or what Sephirot's actual plan is. But it does make things like the Whispers feel even more pointless than when they showed up in Remake, but at least their presence has been reduced, as expected. Areas where changes to the story were most effective were when they were not pointed out to be a product of a split timeline, like the conclusion to the Junon festival, or the Gongaga reactor sections.

But of course, what most people were more curious about, was how was the ending going to change, we all knew it was going to be different no matter what. And while I feel like these convoluted elements do take off some of the emotion of the original scene, there is one element which does seem to align these new events with the emotions of the original: Cloud himself. For he experiences the events of the ending differently from the rest, and it's left unclear how reliable is his perspective. Add Sephiroth's manipulation of Cloud's emotions and he becomes this genuinely creepy and ruthless shell of himself. This new problem does not completely go away by the end, as Cloud is not fully aware of it yet. But with how the new version of the ending has unfolded, it left me with these feeling of doubt and... hollowness, confusion, not sure if to be sad, or hopeful. Which I feel is exactly how Cloud feels as well, as his human nature is questioned.

Despite thinking a faithful story remake would have been more satisfying, I can't deny these new events had me thinking about the story of FInal Fantasy 7 in ways I could connect emotionally to it even more. Perhaps, what this game truly achieved for me, is remind me just how much I love this franchise, for its extremely creative worlds and creatures, to its unique stories and unforgettable characters. Rebirth is a celebration of Final Fantasy, a joy to look and play, to relive and to guess. It's got one more part to prove if these changes to the narrative were really worth it, nonetheless. And honestly, I hope they don't keep relying on vagueness as much.

But when they are not being vague, I promise you, every moment, old or new, will feel exciting.

[regarding-stories]

When your backstory beats your story (Part 1): Aventuria

(This is going to be a bit of a crossover story between two of my blogs.)

You may not have heard of it, but Germany's best-selling role-playing game is called "The Dark Eye" ("Das Schwarze Auge"). Its first edition beat D&D to market in Germany in the early 80s and has been the dominant tabletop RPG there ever since - generating also several computer games, and finally an English edition that was able to create some hype in the US market, something which its publisher Ulisses increasingly targets (because more customers).

The game itself evolved from a very simplistic system that was fast to pick up over two more editions that revised and expanded it, only to become an overly complex monster in its 4th edition where most people needed a fan-made PC editor to create characters. I don't particularly like the system, which always tended to be "whiffy" (lots of rolling for little effect in combat) and has never been truly fixed, unable to let go of its poor game design legacy.

I have a soft spot for 1st edition, though. It's the first RPG I ever played. It's simple. You're not feeling like a complete idiot (like in many editions of D&D at the beginning). It quickly got you into playing. And there existed some decent adventures of the kind I like.

Sold by the stories

While I personally was more into dungeon-style exploration fantasy, Dark Eye adventures tended more towards stories. (I just happened to be led through an adventure of the style I loved when playing first.) The Dark Eye is probably the most-supported system on this planet when it comes to published adventures, numbering in the hundreds.

Most of these are story-based or focus on character interaction to a good degree, and in fact many Dark Eye gamers are kind of stereotyped as wanting to hang out in taverns and with nobles to have long conversations, invoke the setting gods in their exclamations, and generally be more like LARPers (Live Action RolePlaying - when you dress up). I've encountered way too many of them off- and online to disagree - just like D&D is known for its murder hobo power gamers for a reason.

But given the endless focus on dungeon adventures in D&D and saving the world, The Dark Eye can be a breath of fresh air for getting into well-rounded characters, finding solutions to complex problems, and generally, you know, actually role-playing your character.

You know, most of the things that these days make RPG streaming a thing.

A mixture of more low-key stories and various ideas certainly made it stand out compared to D&D, and to this day such preferences can make you chose one game over the other.

So it makes sense we're talking stories here. So why did the Dark Eye have a backstory problem?

Because it was like this

When you started playing in the 1980s, you basically came into a very settled civilization. There was a large "Middle Empire/Realm" which was the successor the original Empire, and it was a country spanning a big part of the map which was, politically, very static. So were most of its neighbors.

If you picked up the official zine of the setting you would hear of events such as the umpteenth "war" between two impoverished mini-states full of country bumpkins with long rivalries as a recent event. In the early 90s a part of the setting evolved towards the renaissance, but that made it seem even more static. (It was, in some ways, a mirror image of part of the history of the Holy Roman Empire of German Nation. The not-so-exciting parts, depending on your tastes.)

There were tantalizing hints that some much cooler place existed beyond the ocean, the Golden Land (or Myranor), but they largely remained hints back then. Years later, after I lost interest, it was published as an alternate setting for the game, IIRC. Think about hearing of it being hinted for a long time in the 90s and then finally starting to appear in 2000 onwards. It was just too late for me, personally.

Stoking desires but not fulfilling them was a hallmark of The Dark Eye for a long time. Because interesting things did happen, but they either happened somewhere else, far away, or outright unavailable (like Myranor, a discontinued Hollow Earth setting with Japan as inspiration), or in an even less reachable place - the past.

Splendor Of Days Gone By

There is a temptation for any fantasy author, especially authors writing setting books for players, to make up grand chronologies of past events. People generally blame Tolkien for this, given that he created a grand mythological setting with several long ages as backdrop for his "Lord of the Rings".

The reason the "Tolkien did it too" argument is rather weak (in my book) is, however, that Tolkien created his mythology as the backdrop to an engaging, much-beloved story. Compare how many people have read "The Lord of the Rings" with how many have read "The Silmarillion" and you can immediately see how Tolkien did not slack on giving us a good, dramatic story when we first heard about it.

Not so most fantasy authors.

Reading the Dark Eye's history of the setting itself, you have to wonder about the state of mind the authors. Here they put all those exciting events that almost none of their adventures contained:

A royal family of the Old Empire that fell to demon worship and incest.

A march of 1,000 ogres that razed the biggest city in the world.

Wars of conquest, rebellions, the formation of nations.

Several orc invasions.

A sorcerer-king that was in league with demons.

A magican and philosopher-king who ended that threat and ruled a looong time.

A viking era.

Etc.

I really remember reading this back in the day and, being the newbie I was, just being desperate about how boring the present was. Basically the backstory often kicked ass. It had movers and shakers, big dramatic events, and what the Chinese might call "interesting times."

Fixed After All

Eventually the makers of the game (the editorial board, as they are called), noticed themselves. Somewhere around the year 2000 games with meta-plots became a thing, especially in Germany, and big events kept changing their settings, keeping them interesting and preparing the ground for new adventures. And eventually Aventuria, the world of the Dark Eye, followed suit.

For example by bringing the sorcerer-king back and letting players be the protagonists influencing the events that end up bringing him down. What a novel idea...

Looking at the time-line since you kind of think that maybe these people realized they had buried all the excitement in their own, made-up history, because now there are events in there that are clearly inspired by what "came before" as the setting keeps marching forward.

Why it took them up to two decades to realize this is anybody's guess.

The role of backstory is typically to establish the "why" of elements in your story - or here the why of the setting. In Aventuria's case, it did the job of explaining the borders and where the various nations come from, but somehow, and rather unintentionally, it painted the picture of a dynamic and exciting world that eventually solidified and ended up as a rather sclerotic, phlegmatic version of itself.

In the end, as an author, that would have been the point to ask yourself which makes the better story. And go with that.

[ixcaliber]

playing stranger of paradise and it is a game that truly has nothing to offer.

none of the characters are interesting or appealing or even really act like people. the game's central conflict of jack chaos deciding that it's good to have memories is so far from anything anybody could ever experience that what is the fucking point of this narrative.

as a final fantasy game i've never been so uninvested in the events playing out. nothing has any weight. partially because there's like 8 characters in the game and the ones who you spend time around have to be careful not to talk about the story because jack will tell them to shut up.

you can go and talk to people in the town if you want but the game never provided me a reason to actually care to try. there's no sense of scale, no sense of journey, you're always fucking teleporting to exactly where you need to go. but for the mission select map screen i'd have absolutely no sense of where anything was in relation to anything else.

on the other hand it might genuinely be the worst souls-adjacent game i've ever played. combat is dull, enemies are non-threatening, environments universally feel empty, functionless. exploration feels so unsatisfying because not one of these places feels like a real coherent location and taken together they don't form an idea of a coherent world. the gimmick that they are all nods to or copies of locations from other ff games adds to that sense of disconnectedness and doesn't even feel especially rewarding on its own, the mako reactor was pretty much the only place that actually looked notably like something i recognized.

the game is full of unlocking shortcut moments but because the game operates in little replayable missions, shortcuts mean next to nothing.

new weapons and armor drop so frequently that you are drowning in them and any one loses any sense of significance. i quickly stopped caring and started just hitting 'auto-equip best shit' at every bonfire i came across.

literally the only thing i like is that there's a job system and even that is kind of crap because i don't really feel a huge distinction between the different jobs, but it is giving me the only impetus i have to force myself through this game i really do not care for so i'll take it.