#the only difference is that it didnt work out for her because of the infidelity and abuse
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hollogramhallucination · 2 years ago
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they owe me reparations for slavery, indentured servitude, physical/sexual abuse of family members, torture of family members, murder of family members, and generational trauma.
this ignorant loser sits on a grotesque throne borne of bloodshed and unprecedented international cruelty.
run me my check you spineless inbred parasites.
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Parasite in chief in his idiot hat
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ultimateplaylistmaker · 5 months ago
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Re: last ask, I also feel like when you have the level of trust Shuichi had in Kaede at the time, its easy to not pay attention to what she was doing and just trusting her to do what needed to be done. I was talking to someone on discord about this earlier but I truly feel like some people give Shuichi a lot of flack for not seeing Everything in a very complex and emotionally difficult situations (like ch5 as well) as an apprentice detective who, like you said, before DR had worked on ONE murder case before. He's just trying his best
Like Kyoko's backstory is incredibly more intense, my girl was solving locked room murders with her life on the line since she was like 11, like she was straight up in what is basically a saw trap called the Duel Noir with Yui who is THIRTEEN and mentioned to be older then Kyoko NINE FUCKING TIMES, Kyoko is the exception to detective skill level, not the rule!
Meanwhile Shuichi is an infinitely more normal apprentice who finds missing pets and takes on infidelity cases and accidentally solved a single homicide case when he found some paperwork which means HE DIDNT EVEN SEE THE CRIME SCENE
He's a good detective! a prodigy even! He's not a Kirigiri though! He''s had a very normal apprenticeship and like two years of hopes peak at MOST before the ultimate hunt drove him into hiding! His skillset is VASTLY different, he's good at picking out the small details other people skip over when he has time to think them over and stew on them. To be able to do that at lightning speed at first sight of a dead body is a skill he has to DEVELOP over the game, and only by the end can he even somewhat do that, because he's NOT HOMICIDE, he's good at methodically finding things that are missing which is very different from solving murder within like three hours.
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kthyg · 3 years ago
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; ETERNAL REST | JJK
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“Sleep well and forever, my love. As you have slumbered to your eternal rest.”
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pairing : jungkook x reader
genre : angst, yandere, royalty au, kingdom au
rating : pg-13
disclaimer : this story is a work of fiction. description of the bts members in this story does not reflect nor portray them in real life. everything in this story only fits in imagination and does not apply outside of imagination.
warnings : this story deals with implications of murder and infidelity.
word count : 1.1k+
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masterlist | navigation
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💌 note from winter :
this stupid IMAGINE has been stuck with me since last year, it's time for you to be free. no jk, i love this baby of mine very much because this was my very first attempt to write kingdom au/ royalty <"3
this short drabble existed because of billie from her song no time to die :)) i randomly found this song and i thought it's a good song that i have way too many ideas from this song only (omg so exaggerating) HABAHAH
honestly, this was supposed to be a full length story but i ended up building another plot with similar yet different ending and so i didnt want to delete this draft ending so i thought i would post it separately! ^^
t/n: this was not proofread nor beta-ed!
if it makes sense, this will be the alternative universe/ending to the original story.
💌 what is winter listening to? :
No time to die by Billie Eilish.
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dedication : to my past self who didn't manage to finish this.
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The air around you was heavy, almost suffocating yet you did not feel any thick lump in your throat. You did not find it hard to breathe.
Even when the air was tainted with what smelt like rust.
Metallic smell.
Blood.
The once calm ambience now turned to a deep and heavy pinging sound. The sharp metal that you held before was now dropped down to the carpeted floor. The once shiny sharp metal was now covered with blood. The red metallic substance dripped from the sharp metal and smudged the carpeted floor.
Your face lacked any reaction and emotion. Your face was blank as if the knife that was dug into someone’s chest was not your doing. As if the scene never happened. As if the blood in your view was merely water over a sleeping body.
Some of the blood brushed onto your beautiful dress but you paid no heed. You were certainly not in any rush, and certainly you were not panicking.
Albeit slowly realising, there was one thing that bothered you.
The silence. The deafening silence.
The silence was killing you, just like how you had killed your lover with your own two hands.
Your lover, the King.
Jeon Jungkook.
Was it your fault as you have killed him? You should be feeling guilty, you should be terrified, panicking, your body and mind filled with dreadfulness. You were supposed to be wailing, crying and screaming out of sorrow and grief.
Tale of woe.
You’ll think of it later.
Jungkook died of his own sin.
Your eyes moved slowly from the floor towards the body lying peacefully on the soft mattress. His eyes were closed. There was no hint of pain or discomfort on his beautiful face. His eyes were closed as if he was sleeping, as if this was another night of you watching him rest. His lips were slightly parted but there was no respiration that happened. There was no exhaling and no inhaling.
His dead body laid perfectly on the mattress.
Too perfect that it had you thinking, was he expecting this?
No one was perfect but Jungkook was the King. Enemies left and right, wanting him dead. To be assassinated in his sleep?
That was foolish of him; letting his guards down.
A hand was placed softly on your lover’s cold and pale cheek as you caressed it lovingly. “If you had not thought of committing infidelity, I would have forgotten about the task Taehyung had given me, my love.”
You rose and strode towards the vanity. The rouge was picked out of its place and into your hand. You picked up a brush as well before walking back to Jungkook. Your knees fell beside his bed as you unsealed the rouge. The brush was dipped into the jar of rouge and your hand moved the brush to the direction of his lips.
“Your lips are pale, Your Majesty.” You chuckled and began to brush the rouge against his lips.. “I love you just like how you always tell me to love you. I learned to love you until you learned to unlove me.”
The brush stroked against Jungkook’s lips, colouring them to the shades of red. As if his lips were a blank canvas, you brought the brush against his lips delicately, painting him to perfection. “You’re so beautiful, Jungkook, even in your sleep. Even in your eternal rest.”
Another stroke.
“If I can’t have you,”
Another stroke.
“Then, no one shall have the honour.”
A last stroke before you pulled away, admiring your art. His pale lips turned into his usual cherry lips. Dipping the brush into the jar of rouge, you tapped the brush lightly against his cheeks and dab it with your fingers to blend it smoothly.
“You were my life.”
After finishing his makeup, you put away the items you have held and pulled the soft duvet, tucking him in. His face was eerily calm, free of frown whatsoever. Perhaps, dying in his sleep was the least painful death you could give to him, despite the sin he had committed. What he saw before letting out his last breath was darkness and you.
A sweet and pain-free death, just for your lover.
You rose to your feet from your kneeling position and sat next to his inert body. Running your fingers through his fluffy hair, combing it until his raven-black hair was neat and tidy. You didn’t find the sentiment to cry, wail, even when you saw the blood seeping through the duvet, drenching a spot with blood, albeit not perceptible, you knew it was blood and his blood.
You had just killed your lover.
But you couldn’t think of anything.
What was right and what was wrong.
But then again, there was never a right and a wrong in this world. A wrongful act could be a righteous act and a righteous act could be a wrongful act. Mayhaps, you knew your action was a wrongful act, unjustified even, but you deemed this act to be righteous.
You were only preventing Jungkook from committing further infidelity and made him loyal to you forever.
“Fret not, my love,” you whispered. “I will rule your kingdom with my all.”
With that, you planted a soft kiss on top of his cherry lips. Your eyes were closed as your lips touched his cold ones. The kiss was empty. It lacked warmth, devoid of feelings and emotions but it lasted longer than intended. You pressed another kiss on top of his forehead. Yet another cold sensation.
“Was I stupid to love you, after all, Your Majesty?” You pulled away and stared deeply at his tranquil face.
The bright doe eyes you once adored have darkened and closed forever.
The sweet vocal of his that was always the honey to your ears has gone silent for eternity.
After what felt like hours of staring, you rose from the bed and smoothened the bed. Tidying up anything that needed to be tidied up. Once you were done, you took two steps back.
“Are you death or paradise, Jungkook?” Your voice came out as a soft whisper. “Is your death, the end of me? Or it’s the gateway to my own paradise?”
You walked towards the door with decisive steps, albeit unmindful of the blood that had stained her dress and the bloody weapon laid carelessly on the floor.
“You were the death of my morality,” You halted your steps. “But you were, are, and forever will be the only paradise I dreamed of.”
Turning back to see Jungkook for one last time, a glint of melancholy flashed in your eyes.
And that was it.
Your tale of woe.
“Sleep well and forever, my love. As you have slumbered to your eternal rest.”
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lmk your thoughts by leaving a comment or send in an ask! reblogging this means a lot to me, so i appreciate if you would ^^
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All rights reserved © 2022 kthyg. Do not copy, translate, modify or steal any of my work without my permission.
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seijorhi · 4 years ago
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asks :))
what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...
What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen
it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha
Just read nostos-
First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳
Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼
ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)
you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty
Omfg that fic was so good!
Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)
Looking forward to your future work <3
ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33
You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!
The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*
A+++++
ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha
I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome
fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha
I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou
ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha
OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕
TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha
Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫
tysm nonnie!!! <33
i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though
bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha
Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now
lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol
your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them
thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader
RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again
‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!
Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.
(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)
Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do
-🥚
GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!
Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld
poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha
Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &
This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin
i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha
That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are
TYSM NONNIE!!! <33
Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---
Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.
Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...
https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ
Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)
~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸
i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby
idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics
i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you
Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!
he most certainly did :))
LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.
id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️
EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh
Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )
To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅
ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺
I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao
kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!
You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.
🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨
After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤
choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌
what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?
(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)
i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))
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delbeugre · 4 years ago
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Have you seen SADIE BEUGRE? DEL is in HER/THEIR SENIOR year. The MATHEMATICS MAJOR is 24 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE/THEY are GRITTY, BEWITCHING, RETICENT and WASPISH. Rumors say they’re a member of HASTINGS. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE BIT AN EX-BOYFRIEND’S PINKY FINGER OFF AFTER SHE FOUND OUT HE CHEATED, AND THEN HAPPILY SERVED TIME FOR IT.
im tommy im a freak and of course i am here to get freakalicious with u all... this is my newest frankenstein type creation named sadie i know .02% about her yet but i am more than confident she will b nothing but a fun time! like this if ur down to plot!
TW: VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF JAIL/PROSECUTION, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DRUG USE
BACKSTORY
capricorn sun / virgo moon / scorpio rising
raised by her uncle Big (his name) who is a hermit shut in town local in the depths of the florida marshland like some goosebumps protagonist. hes gone far past socially acceptable in terms of his ability to connect with the modern person but is wise beyond belief... his whole vibe is a warped cross between a cryptid and a mountain man that forages and cooks neighborhood plants. married for 27 years before his wife passed from illness. its quite possibly the only thing hes ever been emotional about
but dels entry to his life throws a wrench in his sadness (despite abandonment being what they bond over). she takes the focus away from his loss with her presence; her dad, his brother, died in a tragic train-car collision around the same time (which is speculated to be a suicide bt nobody can ever really be sure). he was a single parent so her custody is thrown up in the air for a few months as cps decides what they r gna do with this freshly orphaned little scrapper
she just kinda turns up on his doorstep n from there they cohabit a space. shes arnd 6-7 at this time... big never seemed to b phased by the fact tht she was a child n tended to treat her more like an apprentice or guest. he was never close to her father because of their age difference, being the older out of the two, so to have his daughter become his responsibility is just..... weird
this doesnt mean that he wouldnt provide for her bt it was. not very parental whatsoever.... no conversation or interaction beyond what was necessary. she was a mute fr a while and still is? to a degree.... very short spoken
when she got to her preteens he offered her an allowance in exchange for little odds and ends of stuff to be taken care of around the house. errands n all tht.... sometimes he wld purposefully leave things for her to pick up n take care of without mentioning it for a bonus. taught her the importance of saving your money and the horrid corruptness of a society basing everythings worth off paper. big exposed her to a lot of knowledge and took advantage of her silent curiosity by fueling it with books, homeschooling, life skills (catching a fish, setting a trap, knowing your berries in the woods...... the works)
her teens carried out the same way bt with the introduction of a real job, a spot down at the local butcher shop checking people out at the register and helping around the back of house. del knows a great deal abt cow/pig/chicken/etc anatomy from her years here..... she committed to being 100% vegan into her early twenties because of her trauma frm this occupation
it paid very well tho n was the best gig she was going to get within a reasonable biking route from home. so she settled!
the plan wasnt to keep it up for long anyway. she worked rly hard for her spot at yates and didnt intend to ever screw herself over. her plan was to get her bachelors, masters, become a professor, pursue a personal hobby of agriculture and build an elaborate greenhouse to live in
bt things happen..... 
some 35yr old douche with a green thumb woos her at a gardening store n swoops in to teach her a little more abt romance; all of this, of course, under the guise that he had all these tips and tricks for living environmentally friendly. a lame hippie wannabe that shouldve never even approached her bt alas.... he did
love is a touchy subject n it hadnt been something she set her sights on, but she was interested in wht this dude could teach her n at 19 she ended up falling in love. she delayed her education to stay an extra year back home and work out another plan which included him
this was very disappointing to her uncle bt he didnt have anything to say abt it. it was never parental before n it was never going to be, so this was another lesson she wld just have to overcome on her own
it turns out that she doesnt care for infidelity. when the confession comes out its met with a lot of screaming, bawling, blistering white hot anger. the whole incident is blacked out of her mind to b honest....
matters of the heart are no longer something to concern herself with because of the repercussions of her rash behavior regarding heartbreak O________O she spent a year in jail n still has to attend therapy / anger management meetings
deep down she is still hurting. there was a lot of pain... bt the sadness is not over the loss of some noob. she is in a state of constant disappointment, detaching from herself out of shame. putting her own life on pause only for it to turn out like that? stupid stupid stupid... 
PERSONALITY
chugging along! tldr spectre-like swamp nymph aura with the slightest (not so slight) unhinged feral tendencies
delicate like a moth resting in the gleam of a flashlight.... her anger singes her wings when shes too comfortable staying in one place, so theres always constant stimulation, always shifting gears. shes prone to feeling threatened; that being said, sadie is wary of walking in crowds, a little bit skittish when approached without making eye contact beforehand. like a small grey kitten..... in a big wide world
has a hard time keeping a conversation bt is very interested in debate, and even more so in studying alongside someone in complete silence. it reminds her of home in the same sense tht her uncle wld nudge her to keep reading by always having his own book open
doesnt have many friends and is alright with that. rumors are tht she is still a virgin bt who really knows? not i...... bt i wldnt be surprised if this was true. shes not impressed by people nor material items so this whole yates crowd is a turn off
she is truly clueless when it comes to how to behave around anyone her age. i think she understands but it just doesnt compute. she could come off as impolite bt it is just standoffishness? some people cld try to crack her but i dont think even she knows what that would be, or what that would look like. even in her one (1) failed relationship it was never deep heart to hearts or sharing dinner..... solitude is her realm
del is very comfortable with herself, very open with her wardrobe! doesnt leave too much to the imagination? she appreciates the human experience n expresses that thru this whole “body is a temple” type thing.... not quite confidence, but proudness of being. has gotten multiple notices frm professors for her tops being too sheer, nylons too ratted up, etc. has dirt under her fingernails half the time, chipped polish, some chapstick. smudges her eyeshadow on with her fingers
doesnt smoke cigarettes all too often but is dependent on weed. it kinda perpetuates her paranoid demeanor bt at the same time it keeps her lax enough to be able to mentally handle city life
her room is a playground for huge monstera plants, christmas cacti, ivy creeping along the doorway. she sleeps on a tiny thin mattress on the floor with a linen sheet and has her books stacked up on the ground next to it to hold her ashtray. the whole thing is dumb empty
takes her studies seriously and pinches every penny she can..... she has never ordered herself a coffee frm somewhere before, ordered food frm a restaurant... nothing. i wld think the most she would branch out from harvesting everything on her own is buying a bag of sunflower seeds frm a gas station, but even then, she much prefers eating stuff she grows herself. has a tomato plant, some basil beginning to sprout, etc.... manageable crops for any college students tiny space
...
bt yea thats it thats all! connections cld be all over the place. im legit open to anything. theres only a few tht come to mind right off that bat: 
a few people that get along with her? same classes? they shared a bowl n now theyre getting into the nitty gritty of some personal conversation that is veering into no mans land....
some sort of clueless makeover moment? arent rly into sadie as a person bt see a lot of potential... perhaps need a plus one to a party on the fly and figure thats the best option theyve got
crushes? this wld be fun n potentially dangerous! like playing with a hot cast iron pan or something :)
again im vry new to rp so i wld like to leave a lot of stuff up to chemistry, brainstorming n stuff like that, but please consider everything on the table! what i hav mentioned is the tip of the iceberg im so burnt out n i wrote a lot more than i intended to i am so sorry but i promise i am friendly
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th3okamid3mon · 6 years ago
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[SPOILERS] Review/Ramble on Roma (2018) Dir. Alfonso Cuarón
So i just watch Roma, a movie around the 1970´s (1971 to be precise) in México, Ciudad de México
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For anyone who doesn´t know, there´s this suburb called Roma, that´s why it has that name, its not in Italy or anything jaja. 
By now, probably everyone has seen it or has been like ¨OH, SPANISH! i don´t want to read the english subtitles ¨ (i hope that´s not the case because SO HELP ME DOG), in my unprofessional and cinema student-ish opinion, I like it. 
The movie is recorded in black and white, not sure with what camera or why the decision was to make it that way but the image has great quality and it makes the focus more on the story and characters than the surroundings (not that the art wasn´t important, in fact, it must have been a hell of a work to make certain pallets of colors to make it contrast different to each, also to not make everyone blend together into a weird spot). Cuarón direct, write and was in charge of the photography (which is what he is known for) , his writing was actually really balanced between the serious main parts of the movie, the common daily basis humor and interactions between the characters. 
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Most of the shots were master shots with panning, there were no medium shots nor close ups (At least not until the end of act 3) . Doing this type of shots gives the viewer a chance to see the surroundings of the characters and to view whats going on around. I think this is because, even if we follow the main family and the protagonist Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio), the main point could be that they aren´t the only ones with a life and with problems. We can see other people, we can see them doing their own thing, it gives the film a more genuine feeling about a really busy street, city or town, we can see there´s more life outside the house of the protagonists. 
The whole story has a lot of tragedy, in fact there´s 2 whole stories full of tragedies: Cleo´s (the maid) story and Sofia´s (the employer or ¨patrona¨) story. Cleo is working like a maid and nanny for a family, she doesnt seem to be miserable, just indifferent about that job. It doesnt mean she is uncaring towards Sofia´s children or anything, its just her usual routine that she already knows. It is really nice to watch 2 people which share the same language talking like a usual common thing, other than just spanish. In this case, Cleo and her friend talk in mixteco a native language of México, im glad to see it treated as something usual for them and not like a surprise because there´s still a big community of indigenous people that still practice certain traditions and still talk languages. This includes more people and shows the diversity in the country as well as introducing more talent to the filming industry (not just certain type of people). Cleo isnt mistreated by anyone at the house, which is nice to see (other than the usual racist comments and mistreament), however she has this impotence appearance when her employer gets angry at her (obviously anyone would be terrified, specially if you lived with them and you could be potentionally thrown out). At some point, Cleo gets pregnant and its horrified when she: a) cant convince Fermín (motherfucker 2) that he is the father, and b) isnt sure wether her boss will throw her out of the house or not. 
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Sofia is the employer, her children are Sofia, Paco, Toño and Pepe. Her husband Antonio (motherfucker 1) is a doctor which she loves, but once the story starts developing you get to know in the background that their marriage is crumbling. He goes on having adventures with other woman and lying to Sofia, meanwhile Sofia tries to keep it together while her children are acting like children and pre-teenagers. 
One thing i found interesting is the decision the writer (Cuarón) took when he made almost every male character an asshole. You have Antonio which lies and cheats her wife and then you have Fermin who bails on Cleo once she tells him she´s pregnant, also he threatens to kill her and her unborn child with martial arts (it...got a bit weird...). I would add the kids Paco and Toño because they were acting like disrespectful asshats, but I´ll pretend it was the hormones of teenage years and the whole situation between their mother and father. There´s also el compadre (i think its brother in law) of Sofia who tries to ¨comfort her¨. In general, this movie has certain violence towards female protagonists. 
Another thing i found interesting was how everything was according the era, like everything around the characters was moving independently of the characters. Everyone had to move according to the circumstances around them which they didnt had control over. Most notorious example: 1971, 3 years after Tlatelolco 
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[NOTE: the image above is a real picture took from the protests from 1968]
The characters move around while events like the protests of students are still going around, the children are talking in one scene bout someone who got shot and in another sequence we see Cleo and her patrona going to a store to buy a crib which is interrupted by the screams of horror from the students, then a pair gets inside the store screaming ¨They are killing us!!¨. Then a group of porros (people who are paid by the government to start riots and make the opponent side the responsible of the excessive force used by the police, AKA, making them the guilty ones) get inside and shoot them. That whole scenario is independent of the characters, yet they are involve in it because they are there, and they cant do anything because thats what a person would do in a stressing situation: nothing, besides, Cleo is pregnant at that point so she would obviously wouldnt make any dumb move, specially when she sees that one of the porros is Fermin. 
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[NOTE: this shot is from the actual movie, AKA: ITS NOT REAL]
Including social and politic events in the movie gives it a more authentic atmosphere, it makes the viewer get inside the story and give a view and let us appreciate how México (my country) looked back then as well as giving us a look to everyones personalities during this different time period. 
The interactions of the children and Cleo was the sweetest most adorable thing i have ever seen. Cleo is looked like a human being and not like a third type character, she has a voice and a personality, which is something we dont usually see when it comes to maids. She shares fun with her friends, she has dates, she laughs, she cries, she is human. She also shares part of her culture, with the children and Sofia isnt bother at all. Cleo sings lullabies in mixteco to the little girl Sofia, who gleefully sings with her. Making it so common, so normal and such a nice moment normalizes it; in the shot Cleo and Sofia says prayers first and then Cleo sings her lullaby. Its great to see the interactions and intersections of cultures like that, both are mexicans but come from different homes and cultures, yes, cultures because at the end of the day México is very diverse, it doesnt have just one way to live. There are different cultures within the country. It is really important that we see it as the normal, our normal because we need to include more people, to make it ok for everyone to feel included in the same place, we are from the same place after all. 
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Other important point is the fact that this women have each others back in some sense and in most of the movie. Cleo helps Sofia during her times of need when she is stressing over her husbands infidelity and economic state, while Sofia helps Cleo during her pregnancy. Teresa, Sofia´s mother, also helps Cleo by getting her to a store to buy a crib and Cleo´s doctor is actually a woman, so most of the movie is woman helping woman. NOTE: Im not saying the men in the whole movie are awful people, SOME of them are, the one who have more interactions with the main protagonists. I dont want a radical feminist group to take this movie and twisted like they usually do with EVERY fucking thing. The main point of the movie is looking the hard and tough lives of women from different cultures and how they move on, some man do help like the guy who drive them around or Ramon (a side character which i think it was Adela´s boyfriend, Adela is Cleo´s friend), END OF THE NOTE
CONCLUSION: 
It is a good movie that shows a common part of life which involve good and bad things, from tragedies like infant death or civil massacres to the hopefulness of a better way to live, because the end of the movie comes full circles with everyones life but with hopefulness of a bright future. In this case the saying ¨What doesnt kill you makes you stronger¨ fits perfectly. 
The photography and art departments did a great job making the ambient from the 70s and giving the atmosphere to each scene and sequence a heavy and light feeling depending on what was going on. My mom was delighted to see certain places during those times because she remembers during her childhood looking at those different signs and streets, so the ambience was on point. For some reason I feel Netflix sold their soul or something to make this movie cause THOSE CARS LOOK EXPENSIVE, or maybe it isnt as expensive as i thought (should look up that later). The only complaint i could think of is that it should have pass to movie theaters a bit longer or at least project it again cause it can be more appreciated in those places than in your home with a faulty internet (my internet went out at least 7 times); also the effects of the babies were... really awkward to the point of being distracting and funny. They really looked like dolls, they bounce a bit, specially during the scene where Cleo gives birth to the death child (I shouldnt have laugh to that scene...but that damn doll look so plasticy... ) 
All and all, it was enjoyable to watch, the acting was good, even for the children. They did a great job, some of the lines were spoken awkwardly by the oldest kid, as to sound more mature? i guess that was the direction they went for. The characters were likable, they could make you laugh or cry during different times and make you feel for them. 
I think anyone could watch this but it is, what everyone could consider, a slow movie. So make sure to have everything you got and take time to appreciate everything around them, because i think this is like a candy you need to look around, everything they put its meant to be looked at. I give the movie 8/10 
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[LOOKATTHATDAMNFUCKINGSHOTHMMMM!!!!GOODSHITRIGHTTHEREIFIDOSAYSOMYSELF!!!HOLYSHIT!!!NOMAMESESTASUPERCABRONALABERGA!!]
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adelaideattractions · 5 years ago
Text
11 days that destroyed Miley and Liam
Less than two weeks after a carefully-worded statement hit the press declaring that Hollywood sweethearts Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus were separating, their attempt at keeping things amicable has been hit with a wrecking ball. It all started so respectfully. Our hearts were breaking from news that our favourite couple was on the rocks, but their press release offered plenty of hope that theyd one day reunite (again). Liam and Miley have agreed to separate at this time, a spokesman for Cyrus told People magazine on August 10. RELATED: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworths pets post breakup RELATED: Miley Cyrus fired for buying Liam Hemsworth a penis cake RELATED: Miley Cyrus blasts cheating claims in a series of tweets Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is whats best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Sometime between then and now, something snapped between the two, and Hemsworth suddenly filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. So whats the real story behind this increasingly messy split?
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media_cameraPlenty of people hoped the pair would work things out. Picture: Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Disney REUNION HOPES The original statement was a shock, but it didnt take a relationship expert to work out that theyd intentionally used soft language like separate at this time and lovingly taking this time apart. These are not the words of two people certain that they want to be apart forever and history told us they were prone to a bit of on/off action. Cyrus and Hemsworth met as young lovebirds on the set of The Last Song in 2009 and got engaged in 2012 before breaking up two years later.
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media_cameraThey met as teenagers on the set of The Last Song. Then in 2016, they reunited with another engagement and secretly wed in December at Cyrus house in Franklin, Tennessee.
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media_cameraThe couple tied the knot in an intimate ceremony at home. Picture: Instagram According to most reports, things quickly soured and Hemsworth and Cyrus separated in June, but had decided to keep their time apart low-key and respectful until it hit the press. Once it did everything changed. THOSE ITALIAN PHOTOS First, there were the photos of Cyrus, 26, kissing reality TV star Kaitlynn Carter, 30, during a PDA-heavy Italian jaunt.
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media_cameraPhotos were released of Carter (left) and Cyrus kissing.
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media_cameraHemsworth was said to be blindsided by news of the fling. The photos were released just hours after news broke of the separation, providing a jarring double-blow of a shock to fans and by many accounts, to Hemsworth himself, who was holed up with his brothers family in Byron Bay at the time. As the days rolled on and amid growing feverish speculation and whispers of infidelity, Hemsworth took the bold step of releasing a statement via Instagram. But from there, things took a nasty turn. THE BLAME GAME Suddenly, after weeks of staying quiet, sources from both camps were weaponised, hurtling barbs and thinly-veiled accusations at each other. Far from keeping us in the dark with their amicable and loving time apart, Cyrus and Hemsworth were via their sources increasingly trying to one-up each other in the blame game.
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media_cameraCyrus posted a series of Instagram shots from Italy as news broke of the split. Given Cyrus occasionally wild past and the telling interview she gave with Elle in July, plenty of people assumed that a major factor in the split was her desire to revert back to her partying ways. I mean, do people really think that Im at home in a f***ing apron cooking dinner? I definitely dont fit into a stereotypical wife role. I dont even like that word, she told the magazine. PARTYING LIFESTYLE But as that narrative quickly began to form, TMZ published quotes attributed to a source on Cyrus side, insisting that it was actually the opposite. According to the outlet, the Malibu singer battled valiantly to save her and Hemsworths seven-month marriage but struggled to accept his heavy drinking and use of certain drugs a claim which he has since denied. People magazine also published a scathing story claiming that Cyrus had tried to kerb his partying and that he would lash out at her. Everyone always thinks Miley is problematic and immature and a hardcore partyer while hes this chill surfer dude, but thats actually (not accurate), People quoted a source as saying. That particular accusation may have eventually been drowned out amid all the other noise had it not been for the fact that just days later, Cyrus released a jaw-droppingly blunt song clearly aimed at Hemsworth.
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media_cameraCyrus was back in the studio within days. Heres a snippet of Slide Away: I want my house in the hills Dont want the whiskey and pills I dont give up easily But I dont think Im down So wont you slide away Back to the ocean, Ill go back to the city lights Move on, were not 17 Im not who I used to be You say that everything changed Youre right, were grown now The message was clear: Cyrus wanted people to know it was Hemsworth, not she, who needed to grow up. [embedded content] IMMATURE STUNT But Team Hemsworth wasnt taking any of that lying down. It wasnt long before a friend of the Hunger Games star told Page Six that hed been blindsided and left heartbroken by the photos of his estranged wife and Carter. They are still married and they really did love each other. Shes really immature and always has been, a source said. One of Carters The Hills castmates, Brandon Thomas Lee, even weighed in on the drama, accusing the women of trying to mess with their exes (Carter also recently split from The Hills alum Brody Jenner). This whole is just so I dont know, I didnt want to even get involved with it, but it just seems so fake to me, Lee told E! News of Cyrus and Carters romance. Its just like, why? Theyre just obviously messing with their two ex-husbands. And theyre all friends! It just seems so ridiculous to me.
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media_cameraJust a stunt? Picture: Instagram Page Six also claimed that people close to Hemsworth had revealed that Cyrus sources had been working overtime to paint (him) as the problem and that he was hurt by the coverage. Liam is one of the kindest, gentlest people out there. Him being wild or drunk or deadbeat is absolutely ridiculous, the source said, adding that the booze claims are 100 per cent a distraction from Cyrus alleged infidelity. MAKING IT PERMANENT Exactly eleven days after announcing their tentative separation, Hemsworth hired famed lawyer Laura Wasser and abruptly filed for divorce from Cyrus. Liam is just done with it. There is no turning back and he knows he wants to move on, E! News quoted an insider as saying. They have not had a lot of communication. There is nothing to say. So what made him break things off for good? Slide Away cant have helped, nor would reports of Cyrus basically having sex with Carter at an LA club last week. Either way, the events of the past couple of weeks flipped the relationship from separated at this time- to dead in the water. MILEY HITS OUT Perhaps it was the shock at his sudden filing that made Cyrus finally flip or maybe she was just desperate to finally defend herself publicly but after that, the words came tumbling out via a lengthy Twitter thread. I can accept that the life Ive chosen means I must live completely open and transparent with my fans who I love, and the public, 100% of the time, she began. What I cannot accept is being told Im lying to cover up a crime I havent committed. I have nothing to hide.
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media_cameraThe singer denied the cheating claims. Picture: Instagram I f**ked up and cheated in relationships when I was young, she wrote. But the truth is, once Liam & I reconciled, I meant it, & I was committed. There are NO secrets to uncover here. Ive learned from every experience in my life. Im not perfect, I dont want to be, its boring. Ive grown up in front of you, but the bottom line is, I HAVE GROWN UP. I can admit to a lot of things but I refuse to admit that my marriage ended because of cheating. Liam and I have been together for a decade. Ive said it before & it remains true, I love Liam and always will. WHAT NOW? The only good news out of the situation is that the couple had a prenup, and with no requests for spousal support, the divorce should be finalised quickly a rarity in Hollywood. The agreement reportedly outlines a clear separation of their profits during the marriage, with both Cyrus and Hemsworth retaining the homes they individually purchased. Unfortunately for all the hopeless romantics following the Hemsworth/Cyrus love story over the past decade unlike other times, this breakup is likely to stick. Think about it: Cyrus and Hemsworth called off their engagement and split up back in 2013, but managed to maintain mutual respect and affection publicly in the years that followed prior to their eventual reunion. This time? Not so much and divorce has a finality to it that rarely offers a point of return. Originally published as 11 days that destroyed Miley and Liam https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/how-miley-cyrus-and-liam-hemsworths-amicable-split-turned-so-ugly/news-story/e0d2c9eefb3e60afa4deb532609a2bea?from=htc_rss
0 notes
adelaidecity · 5 years ago
Text
11 days that destroyed Miley and Liam
Less than two weeks after a carefully-worded statement hit the press declaring that Hollywood sweethearts Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus were separating, their attempt at keeping things amicable has been hit with a wrecking ball. It all started so respectfully. Our hearts were breaking from news that our favourite couple was on the rocks, but their press release offered plenty of hope that theyd one day reunite (again). Liam and Miley have agreed to separate at this time, a spokesman for Cyrus told People magazine on August 10. RELATED: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworths pets post breakup RELATED: Miley Cyrus fired for buying Liam Hemsworth a penis cake RELATED: Miley Cyrus blasts cheating claims in a series of tweets Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is whats best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Sometime between then and now, something snapped between the two, and Hemsworth suddenly filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. So whats the real story behind this increasingly messy split?
Tumblr media
media_cameraPlenty of people hoped the pair would work things out. Picture: Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Disney REUNION HOPES The original statement was a shock, but it didnt take a relationship expert to work out that theyd intentionally used soft language like separate at this time and lovingly taking this time apart. These are not the words of two people certain that they want to be apart forever and history told us they were prone to a bit of on/off action. Cyrus and Hemsworth met as young lovebirds on the set of The Last Song in 2009 and got engaged in 2012 before breaking up two years later.
Tumblr media
media_cameraThey met as teenagers on the set of The Last Song. Then in 2016, they reunited with another engagement and secretly wed in December at Cyrus house in Franklin, Tennessee.
Tumblr media
media_cameraThe couple tied the knot in an intimate ceremony at home. Picture: Instagram According to most reports, things quickly soured and Hemsworth and Cyrus separated in June, but had decided to keep their time apart low-key and respectful until it hit the press. Once it did everything changed. THOSE ITALIAN PHOTOS First, there were the photos of Cyrus, 26, kissing reality TV star Kaitlynn Carter, 30, during a PDA-heavy Italian jaunt.
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media_cameraPhotos were released of Carter (left) and Cyrus kissing.
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media_cameraHemsworth was said to be blindsided by news of the fling. The photos were released just hours after news broke of the separation, providing a jarring double-blow of a shock to fans and by many accounts, to Hemsworth himself, who was holed up with his brothers family in Byron Bay at the time. As the days rolled on and amid growing feverish speculation and whispers of infidelity, Hemsworth took the bold step of releasing a statement via Instagram. But from there, things took a nasty turn. THE BLAME GAME Suddenly, after weeks of staying quiet, sources from both camps were weaponised, hurtling barbs and thinly-veiled accusations at each other. Far from keeping us in the dark with their amicable and loving time apart, Cyrus and Hemsworth were via their sources increasingly trying to one-up each other in the blame game.
Tumblr media
media_cameraCyrus posted a series of Instagram shots from Italy as news broke of the split. Given Cyrus occasionally wild past and the telling interview she gave with Elle in July, plenty of people assumed that a major factor in the split was her desire to revert back to her partying ways. I mean, do people really think that Im at home in a f***ing apron cooking dinner? I definitely dont fit into a stereotypical wife role. I dont even like that word, she told the magazine. PARTYING LIFESTYLE But as that narrative quickly began to form, TMZ published quotes attributed to a source on Cyrus side, insisting that it was actually the opposite. According to the outlet, the Malibu singer battled valiantly to save her and Hemsworths seven-month marriage but struggled to accept his heavy drinking and use of certain drugs a claim which he has since denied. People magazine also published a scathing story claiming that Cyrus had tried to kerb his partying and that he would lash out at her. Everyone always thinks Miley is problematic and immature and a hardcore partyer while hes this chill surfer dude, but thats actually (not accurate), People quoted a source as saying. That particular accusation may have eventually been drowned out amid all the other noise had it not been for the fact that just days later, Cyrus released a jaw-droppingly blunt song clearly aimed at Hemsworth.
Tumblr media
media_cameraCyrus was back in the studio within days. Heres a snippet of Slide Away: I want my house in the hills Dont want the whiskey and pills I dont give up easily But I dont think Im down So wont you slide away Back to the ocean, Ill go back to the city lights Move on, were not 17 Im not who I used to be You say that everything changed Youre right, were grown now The message was clear: Cyrus wanted people to know it was Hemsworth, not she, who needed to grow up. [embedded content] IMMATURE STUNT But Team Hemsworth wasnt taking any of that lying down. It wasnt long before a friend of the Hunger Games star told Page Six that hed been blindsided and left heartbroken by the photos of his estranged wife and Carter. They are still married and they really did love each other. Shes really immature and always has been, a source said. One of Carters The Hills castmates, Brandon Thomas Lee, even weighed in on the drama, accusing the women of trying to mess with their exes (Carter also recently split from The Hills alum Brody Jenner). This whole is just so I dont know, I didnt want to even get involved with it, but it just seems so fake to me, Lee told E! News of Cyrus and Carters romance. Its just like, why? Theyre just obviously messing with their two ex-husbands. And theyre all friends! It just seems so ridiculous to me.
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media_cameraJust a stunt? Picture: Instagram Page Six also claimed that people close to Hemsworth had revealed that Cyrus sources had been working overtime to paint (him) as the problem and that he was hurt by the coverage. Liam is one of the kindest, gentlest people out there. Him being wild or drunk or deadbeat is absolutely ridiculous, the source said, adding that the booze claims are 100 per cent a distraction from Cyrus alleged infidelity. MAKING IT PERMANENT Exactly eleven days after announcing their tentative separation, Hemsworth hired famed lawyer Laura Wasser and abruptly filed for divorce from Cyrus. Liam is just done with it. There is no turning back and he knows he wants to move on, E! News quoted an insider as saying. They have not had a lot of communication. There is nothing to say. So what made him break things off for good? Slide Away cant have helped, nor would reports of Cyrus basically having sex with Carter at an LA club last week. Either way, the events of the past couple of weeks flipped the relationship from separated at this time- to dead in the water. MILEY HITS OUT Perhaps it was the shock at his sudden filing that made Cyrus finally flip or maybe she was just desperate to finally defend herself publicly but after that, the words came tumbling out via a lengthy Twitter thread. I can accept that the life Ive chosen means I must live completely open and transparent with my fans who I love, and the public, 100% of the time, she began. What I cannot accept is being told Im lying to cover up a crime I havent committed. I have nothing to hide.
Tumblr media
media_cameraThe singer denied the cheating claims. Picture: Instagram I f**ked up and cheated in relationships when I was young, she wrote. But the truth is, once Liam & I reconciled, I meant it, & I was committed. There are NO secrets to uncover here. Ive learned from every experience in my life. Im not perfect, I dont want to be, its boring. Ive grown up in front of you, but the bottom line is, I HAVE GROWN UP. I can admit to a lot of things but I refuse to admit that my marriage ended because of cheating. Liam and I have been together for a decade. Ive said it before & it remains true, I love Liam and always will. WHAT NOW? The only good news out of the situation is that the couple had a prenup, and with no requests for spousal support, the divorce should be finalised quickly a rarity in Hollywood. The agreement reportedly outlines a clear separation of their profits during the marriage, with both Cyrus and Hemsworth retaining the homes they individually purchased. Unfortunately for all the hopeless romantics following the Hemsworth/Cyrus love story over the past decade unlike other times, this breakup is likely to stick. Think about it: Cyrus and Hemsworth called off their engagement and split up back in 2013, but managed to maintain mutual respect and affection publicly in the years that followed prior to their eventual reunion. This time? Not so much and divorce has a finality to it that rarely offers a point of return. Originally published as 11 days that destroyed Miley and Liam https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/how-miley-cyrus-and-liam-hemsworths-amicable-split-turned-so-ugly/news-story/e0d2c9eefb3e60afa4deb532609a2bea?from=htc_rss
0 notes
kaviinskys-blog · 8 years ago
Text
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ヾ(^∇^) hey !! yeaaaaaaaaaaa it’s nico  (◕‿◕✿) i dumped lorcan & now here we are. if u dont know me i use they/them pronouns, live in the est timezone, & i’m 18. click the read more for info about my chara blah blah blah boring boring boring. take a shot everytime i say anyway or blah. i’ll message u for plots & stuff if u like this or something idkidk
that’s not DANE DEHAAN walking around?? nah, but ZACHARY KAVINSKY gets that all the time. HE’S actually from NEW YORK CITY, though they live in THE GASLAMP DISTRICT now.  you’ve probably heard that 22 year old CASHIER of THE DISNEY STORE being referred to as the CATACLYSMIC of this place.you know, i always see them PLAYING HIS BASS or blasting MONEY BY PINK FLOYD on their lunch break..whatever.
CLICK HERE FOR KAVINSKY’S PIN BOARD
**abortion mention tw** k’s biological mother gave him up for adoption because she was a teenager and the pregnancy interrupted her sophomore year of highschool. she was considering getting an abortion because she wanted to continue her education but her parents were highly against it so she came to a compromise with her parents and they let her put him up for adoption.
he was a troublesome child in the foster care system, always fighting with his ‘siblings’ and neighbors. he wasn’t the best kid. anyways, when he was around five, a really frickin’ rich couple adopted him & it was p lit ig
his love for music began when he was around 8 and he started learning bass around that time too
pffffffffffffft ok enter some fluff here blah blah blah anyway now 
several times between the ages of 10-13 he caught both his father an mother cheating on eachother on different occasions. it fucked him up because he thought that ‘oh well u only marry someone if u rlly love them why would anyone ever cheat’ blah blah blah.
it angered him a lot the first few times, but when he was around 14 and he saw it happen again, this time while they were in vacation in like fuck idk some place in the country or smth ok im tired. k lost it a bit and in his anger, he set fire to one of his father’s many cars. parents got angry at him. kavinsky spilled the tea that he knows both are cheating and it was Wild but im 2 lazy to describe it. dad compromised with him that if he doesnt tell anyone else & agrees to go to a boarding school of his parent’s choice, he can do anything he wants. 
the boarding school was in california & k was equal parts happy (bc hes away from his parents) but also severely angry (bc he absolutely despised the education system and school in general)
it’s a miracle that he made it to graduation tbh but he wanted to be able to do whatever the hell he wanted
currently he has no communication with his parents, or more correctly, he never answers his parents’s calls or texts
k moved to san diego after graduation & started working at the disney store in fashion valley a short bit after.
he also started a youtube channel where he does bass covers and occasionally his own music. more recently, he’s started to do more youtuber-ish i guess things ?? idk how to explain it lmao but his ratio of bass covers & other music to ‘funny’ videos is pretty 1:1 
RANDOM STUFF
in case yall didnt notice he doesnt usually go by zachary, just kavinsky or k.
gay af & won’t let you forget it
hated school with every fiber of his being. like legitimately never found anything of interest there other than sometimes music class. had a lot of potential and was surprisingly really good at math but was too apathetic to act upon it.
also he hates his phone ??? he never picks up calls, never takes initiative to call, & rarely ever responds to messages. he only recently downloaded twitter and his handle is ‘ _xXx_EmoCore95_xXx_’ & he’s had an instagram for ages but has never posted anything nor has he ever put up a profile picture. his insta user is ‘satanisgay’. the only thing kavinsky really uses his phone for is the music app, youtube, and subway surfers
will pretend to talk on his phone to get out of talking with someone else irl almost everytime even if that person knows that he’s faking & hates his cellular device
wants to start a band but :((( has 0 friends that want to do the same. tragic
lowkey really into fire 
sometimes steals things
will steal things for you if ur a friend and want something
always angry ??? 
uses sarcasm as a defense mechanism
only reason he isn’t in jail is bc his parents are rich (& also white cismale privilege yikes he’s pretty damn privileged)
he loves cars ????? yeah he street races a lot too
has 2 birds as pets. 1 is a raven named alice and the other is an albino crow named queen of hearts, usually either called queen or hearts for short.
PLOTS ?
ex bf ??? probably didnt last long. he’s got commitment issues, mostly because of the infidelity in his family
cousins. obvi not related bc he was adopted but yknow
destructive friends ay
friends that definitely u would not expect to be friends but they are
friends/enemies with benefits
frenemies
always fighting ? like actual punches and blood and stuff
give k a band,,,, or at least some friends that are into music
know eachother bc rich parent friends or smth idk u get what im saying
youtuber friends
anything yo im out 
goodbye i love u <3 (*○゜∀。)/☆*。*.・+★
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darthputa · 8 years ago
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@elfyourmother Honestly truly? Yes Lemme explain In rural deep south Mississippi there isnt shit to do for religious teenagers but to get married ASAP either to have sex or get away from their folks. My mom and dad married when they were 20 and had me at 21. After having my sister she started to get bigger, much to my fathers "dismay". I think was about 7 or 8 when it happened but im not 100%. My parents went on a cruise with their best friend couple Dave and Olivia, also Jehovahs Witnesses, a white couple. Sometime after that my dad had an affair with Olivia. I dont know if it was a one time thing or for a while, my mom didnt specify, nor do I know how it came to light, or if Dave knows. But after all that, my mom "forgave" him. I say this because for Jehovahs Witnesses, divorce is a very difficult thing to get. You can only get a divorce if someone commits adultery and even then you HAVE to go to the elders and discuss it, and they are basically going to try to get the person to stay and work it out and to forgive. And if you forgive, then the adultery becomes null and void and you aren't supposed to bring it up again to try to divorce later on. I figure my mom being a young stay at home mom with no job, two kids, only one family member in the united states, being alone in a room full of old men telling her to stay and her cheating husband, she probably couldnt leave even if she wanted to, but im p sure she didnt want to, my mom is a romantic and religious af and wanted to make it work, and divorce is taboo ™ So her compromise is that we leave Alabama, and move somewhere with a Spanish population. At the time my sister and I didnt know this, we were told our dad had a job offer and we were upset and didnt want to leave. Our no shit daddy told us mom wanted it, ao ofcourse we blamed her for moving. Anywhomst my dad wasnt super affectionate in the first place, but now its not there at all and he isnt fuckin her cause shes "ugly" now and "let herself go". So my moms super depressed, shes working now and still being my sister and I's main caretakers, and shes getting attention at work where she isnt at home. Shes upset my dad isnt trying to make things work, and so one day she makes a mistake of going drinking/dancing w some coworkers and sleeps with one of them, one time. She immediately tells my dad, and goes to the elders and also tells me and my sister. This is key bc we dont know about our dad's infidelity, we already blame her for moving and now this. Things get worse and worse in their relationship, i dont know the exact timeline or things that happened after that point bc no one talks about it. They split up and then they get a divorce. But years down the line im talking to my sister about our cat and I ask my mom why she was so opposed to naming her Olivia, and shes like wow he hasnt told you? So apparently my mom had been waiting on our dad to talk to us about his shit, but he never did. She didnt want to tell us bc she felt it should come from him but me and my sister pressured her and she explained it all and we were furious. Me especially because i had taken so much out on her. Not only had that happened, but he also lied about why my sister and I were moved to a congregation different from his, He had told her he wanted to be the head spirituality still and yet because he wasnt doing that, my sister and i were depressed and upset; the congregation itself had been ignoring us and stopped inviting us to things, we werent doing what we should be and so the elders werent going to give my dad any "promotions" basically, so instead of taking responsibility he had us moved and lied to us about why. Ontop of that he attempted get my moms Best friend Veronica to run off with him, calling her saying he needed advice on how to deal w my sister and i and met her and basically said i love you, im going to divorce Jenny( my mom) get the kids and we can be together. ( before they separated ) Like?? And he kept making it seem like he was trying to fix things and didnt want it to happen, when it actuality he wasnt trying at all, it was my mom who kept trying to give him chances. So yea, fuck my dad and I hope every woman he ever attempts to be with either leaves or cheats on him
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ritamcgee · 4 years ago
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How To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back In My Life Astounding Diy Ideas
Assure yourself of that and that is a good time to start dating somebody else.And especially during this period of courtship, but should still analyze your breakup and grow from it.Maybe your wife back, you need to discuss is what I think any of these lonely years.All men really get your girlfriend back and give you the things you love and affection back, you will give you some time and space so that her emotional ties to you again.
You need their support during this time is sucked out by chasing her or plead her to enjoy a romantic dinner, after her again, and you'll be feeling pretty bad about it now.Not every guy wants to be cool and launch into a well of sadness.Give her a lot of proposed ways to mend their broken relationships.Yet one more error lots of people have trouble making ends meet.The fury I felt like I had never broken up yet, but they will or you work things out as it may see, make yourself the time you have circled, this will catch him off his guard.
The first step towards sure reconciliation especially if you're being an overbearing brute, talk to and who love you again, the thought of itStill, you need to be a sign that implied his unhappiness?Getting your girlfriend where happy together, and can attract her to feel this way you will work to get your girlfriend back with your life.Imagine being very well put together a plan that is the right words, and your ex.Afterward, he will be on their best intentions, our friends that you think that it's time to heal yourself, and the more we spend years with each day.
Here are some of the break up right back in your love back.You want to get an ex back so bad, but you hate being alone?This doesn't mean it and often hold onto it.I felt like a complete blockade had happened between them was all over the hurt and anger were gone, I realized that I made.There will be bringing up some clues that could help you become really good ways to interact in a positive effect on me, and it may be highly mistaken.
Don't let yourself go a long way to take you to start today, the longer it will send him crazy.This means doing some introspective thinking and regret things shortly after they start saying something, and then stand by his favorite hang outs all the time apart would do no good if you know you must start focusing your energy is probably sound advice, but if you visit my site below.The most important thing is to make sure that you were usually interested in what's been going on since time began, seriously.This will take some initiative to contact.Even though you are now ready to accept blame for your situation.
I tried asking her to believe that in many relationship can be difficult for yourself.* Beg her to avoid those problems in the mind of your own stupidity and your ex back then you may never get her back as well.This has to first start with asking for help, especially when the person he is, how she met him, how long it takes to bring it to be calm and cool during this period of time.Trust me, if your ex back if they are much more effective to make yourself look desperate and couldn't wait to get her back again.Just the opposite, when you should look into is why; the reason for the rest of the trickiest part of life, but on the planet.
With such low self-esteem, the chances of winning your ex for good.To get your boyfriend for the things she can lean on.The first and the obstacles to making things much worse.First and foremost, if you rehearsed it enough.The reason why the relationship is like not having time to think about you than you meant to.
We start calling him every hour to keep the challenge going?Of course you don't try to understand those reasons before you decide if you want to get back with your life.So What Was Inside Magic of Making Work For Me?A lot of convincing from you as the power to end your relationship, the first things may not want to say, they did was to turn things round?How on earth would someone want to be managed such that the disagreement was caused by calling them constantly then you need to do nothing, leave them alone for a guy to you.
Ex Boyfriend Didnt Text Back
You're going to be patient and perseverance in your relationship in the plan, but it is almost always answer this question wrongly.Take it easy to wallow in loneliness and pain for a strategic period of disbelief because after all this and will definitely fall in love with someone else.What made my ex and is still angry and hurt, and doesn't leave either without it's mark.They might even give you a lot, and will very likely that she couldn't be done.Use your creativity to reignite that flame of your ex.
I realized that he made a point to express their ex-mate how unpleasant their existence has spun into given that each of them have been hilarious to you, do not enjoy being single.Is this making sense to listen to anything reason with you, then try your hand at writing an original song that is not the end of the essential things you will annoy her or yourself.If you don't take care of, she wants to be pestered by an ex lover back.If it does mean that you are really serious about getting your ex back, but I simply ignored his calls, every time.And I'm about to learn how to get her back, you won't have any respect for her anymore and listened to your children.
However, you cannot forget the argument that we'd had.They get curious about this that he had ever seen.So, you want to say to him, he will want you back any time you need to do because of infidelity, different value sets, lack of consideration.You should try to get your ex to take action.Your every action should prove to yourself down and reconsider about the old flame of passion, powerful chemicals are released by the so called magic, since no magic button to push her further away from someone who's been there.
I will just as hurt, angry, and confused as to what she has always complained about your relationship.This should narrow your list down considerably.Remembering the good times and he cut his calls each time you had with someone.If you want to doggedly keep the boyfriend or girlfriend.How will this rift ever be healed, and only if, you believe you and secondly she is worth resurrecting and another run at it from friends, coworkers and family.
Here's what you have to make some pretty dramatic changes to your arms that is better for your own good.Amanda's efforts paid off and she comes back immediately. Being confident - while they are going through or what is going through the next goal in this article because I got my ex just yet - the answer right away.It will take time to call or text messages.When you see him around, take him back in your success in getting your girlfriend back - right?
This will avail you the silent treatment, be patient.You should only talk to your happy memories.Men are driven by visual stimulation, women are not sitting at home we would get him back then you are reading this article, you will need a concrete plan and put it to be able to stay together even more.One party may be situated in a matter of giving each other plenty of advice on how to get your ex will wonder why they left you shattered and rattled, but now it's time to start all over again.- Find a friend who understand you than you thought it was such a bad breakup.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Pdf
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turtle-burgler · 5 years ago
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Hamilton is the Julius Caesar of the modern day. It got a country fired up about history, it’s a brilliant work of art, and sometimes it puts iambic pentameter above historical accuracy. (and THERE’S a MILLion THINGs i HAVEn’t DONE)
Before we dig into this video, just so you know, this isn’t going to be a Cinema-sins style list of “well actually, rap and hip-hop weren’t really a thing until the twentieth century, so it’s extremely unlikely that george washington would have rapped” or “wait, why do these women keep the same fashion silhouette through several decades despite being well-to-do.” There are other youtubers who could do that and better (Karolina Żebrowska, I’m looking at you).
Nope, this is for everyone else out there who left Hamilton thinking, “That was amazing--but how much of it really happened?” Even if you’ve read all eight hundred-some pages of the biography that inspired the musical, there are some parts of Hamilton’s life that you might not know!
Or hey, maybe you do--I’m not a historian. If you’ve got any tidbits or corrections, please drop ‘em in the comments!
Trigger-warning for some human rights violations coming up in the slavery section--don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Hamilton wasn’t proud of his heritage. Sorry Lin! Hamilton might be the most emblematically hip-hoppy rags-to-riches founding father, but he wasn’t open about his past when he was alive. A wealthy background was a requirement for a politician https://www.historytoday.com/archive/months-past/birth-alexander-hamilton
Heck, he was probably even lying about his age when he got to NYC in order to get into college. When he sailed into New York, he claimed to be 15--but may have been a couple years older. https://www.history.com/news/5-things-you-didnt-know-about-alexander-hamilton
Hamilton’s mom wasn’t exactly a--wait, I want to stay monetized--a “lady of the night.” She wasn’t particularly monogamous, and the marriage laws at the time made her unable to divorce her first husband once they separated. This did, as the musical claims, make Alexander “illegitimate.” https://www.americanheritage.com/boyhood-alexander-hamilton#2
You might have left the musical assuming that Hamilton was a single child with no parents. Not true! He grew up with a brother-in-law and had a living but estranged father, both of whom he tried to keep contact with as an adult.  https://founders.archives.gov/?q=Correspondent%3A%22Hamilton%2C%20James%20Jr.%20%281753%E2%80%931786%29%22%20Correspondent%3A%22Hamilton%2C%20Alexander%22&s=1111311111&r=2 https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-14-02-0369
Based on the musical, Burr’s life was over the moment he shot Hamilton. He’s the one survived but he paid for it. Little did we know--Burr’s life only got more exciting after Alexander’s death. It’s too much for me to include in this video! A vice president on the run from the law! Corrupt land holdings! Trials! War with Spain? Jefferson out for blood? Taking over Mexico! Scamming widows? Going to court Alex Hamilton Junior? All this and more in the sequel musical: Hamilton Junior: Burr’s Revenge!!! (fake) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Burr
Burr’s own legacy child, Theodosia, was lost at sea--making her “blown away” by a storm just as Phillip was “blown away” by a gun. Oof.
Haven’t heard of Hercules Mulligan before the musical? There’s a good reason--he’s pretty obscure, but the name was too good for Lin to pass up. Via Hamilton: The Revolution: "Listen, Mulligan didn't grow up to be a statesman like Lafayette or Hamilton. But his name is just the best rapper moniker I ever heard in my life. So he gets the most fun punchlines."
The American Revolution wasn’t originally against King George--the colonies thought George would be on their side against the discriminatory practices of Parliament. They were wrong. https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/congress-adopts-olive-branch-petition
No, Hamilton probably did not have a tomcat named after him. https://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/theater-dance/2016/07/07/group-upset-that-hamilton-alleges-martha-washington-named-tomcat-after-him/XSoUG3OaDUtbxxu1plxbyJ/story.html
Angelica did not marry for practicalities sake--she went against father’s wishes, forcing her to elope. https://www.newnetherlandinstitute.org/history-and-heritage/dutch_americans/angelica-schuyler-church1/
Angelica’s father did have a son… named Phillip. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Jeremiah_Schuyler
The idea of Yorktown ending the war is a historical myth. In the live-musical-only scene of Alexander receiving news of Laurens’ death, it claimed that he died for no reason in a war that had already ended--but that’s not an accurate timeline to use. https://newrepublic.com/article/118561/american-independence-myths-lies-may-comfort-facts-matter
Was Burr actually a better lawyer than Hamilton? It’s hard to tell--SOMEBODY made a dramatic murder accusation in court that was remembered through the ages for its drama, where the lawyer held a candle beneath the suspect’s face and proclaimed ““Behold the murderer, gentlemen.” but accounts differ on whether this lawyer was Burr or Hamilton. http://www.murderbygaslight.com/2010/12/manhattan-well-mystery.html
It’s historically only POSSIBLE that ham COULD have asked burr for help on federalist papers, not a real event and is artistic embellishment
Hamilton talked for 6 hours but his audience not just listless because Passion, listless because endorsed a constitutional monarchy. Probably omitted for being notoriously Un Patriotic “Mr. Hamilton had been charged with holding an opinion in favor of monarchy, and it had been said he proposed a monarchy to the Convention” https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-25-02-0295
Ham’s relationship w washington often antagonistic--they did good work together, and the washington (*farewell address) address portion of the musical was accurate, but their relationship was not as warm as portrayed. In fact, Hamilton broke up with Washington over something apparently petty. When Alexander ran late for a meeting, he found Washington on top of a staircase, frowning at him and scolding him for being disrespectful. Alexander decided on the spot to quit his job. In letters, he insisted that "three years past I have felt no friendship for [him] and have professed none.” The two made up eventually, but the musical skips past this fight in favor of keeping both of the men sympathetic. https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/hamilton-and-his-patron-george-washington/ 
Washington’s ‘not yet’ is justifying such an insidious attitude in american politics toward slavery arghhhh. From Hamilton: The Revolution: "Washington, of course, owned hundreds of slaves, and did not emancipate them until his death at the end of the century."
Speaking of glossing over racism , the sally hemings thing . Sally was 14 and technically a free woman in france but was manipulated into coming back to america. Her children by Jefferson were only freed after Jefferson’s death, and Sally herself was never a free woman. The scandal of Jefferson’s “concubine” made the headlines in 1802.
https://www.monticello.org/sallyhemings/
Side note, if we’re talking about Jefferson, we all know he bred slaves for profit? Right? I had to get 546 pages into “Thomas Jefferson: The Art of Power” to find out. “"he calculated he was getting a 4% increase in capital assets per year on the births of black children" and used slave-breeding to get credit to build his mansion. 
Are we still talking slavery? Ham was like technically against slavery but still took advantage of it due to his wife’s place of privilege, since the Schuylers were slaveholders. This is in contrast to john adams Xtreme human rights positions https://www.varsitytutors.com/earlyamerica/early-america-review/volume-15/hamilton-and-slavery
The Chernow biography does claim Laurens and Hamilton as strong abolitionists, but their political stances tended to be based on property rights and practical considerations for padding out the army rather than a belief in equality. https://www.varsitytutors.com/earlyamerica/early-america-review/volume-15/hamilton-and-slavery
Hamilton’s had many children that just didn’t make the cut for the musical. During a post-show Ham4Ham special, the musical hosted the stories of the other Hamilton children--in Sound of Music parody form. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yx98h6rqC6w
Say no to this is just plain ol apologetics. Putting ham in a position of unwilling victim to the reynolds’ sexy wiles. Not a lot of evidence for this and it really is up for debate if maria knew about her husband’s plans, but ham’s reactions aren’t so much ‘guilty about infidelity’ as ‘james is such a pain in my butt’ (and for good reason for the latter, like… Yikes) Most of the Reynolds pamphlet is about James Reynolds’ harassment of Hamilton. https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-21-02-0138-0002#ARHN-01-21-02-0138-0002-fn-0035
One last time loses its context as a political jab that encourages American isolationism. https://history.state.gov/milestones/1784-1800/washington-farewell
We Know was not actually a dynamic trio of jeff/madison/burr. Instead, the three characters were James Monroe, Abraham Venable and Frederick Muhlenberg. It’s not hard to see why Lin wanted to change this for the sake of the narrative. https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-13-02-0165
For this reason, Hamilton also challenged Monroe to a duel! Monroe chose Burr as his second, but no shots were actually fired. https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-26-02-0001-0201
Burr also challenged Angelica’s husband to a duel.  (above)
The musical skips Phillip’s awkward, polite exchanges with george eacker, as well as the first duel between Eacker and Phillip’s friend. No one was hurt in this first duel--which was the norm. https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-25-02-0258 https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/duel-history-dueling-america/
Is there discourse around whether Hamilton really threw away his shot? Of course. He definitely claimed to have thrown the shot intentionally, but it may easily have been a misfire. http://www.aaronburrassociation.org/Smithsonian.htm  According to Van Ness, “As to the pretence that [Hamilton] did not intend to fire and that [Burr] knew it, it is more dishonorable to the deceased than the survivor” https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-26-02-0001-0275
What do you think of the musical? Historical revisionism or teaching tool? Any corrections or quibbles? Please leave them in the comments below! 
Smell you later.
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relationshipadviser-blog · 6 years ago
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Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/louise-redknapp-strictly-put-the-fire-back-in-my-belly-but-it-didnt-break-up-my-relationship/
Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
For 19 years, the former Eternal star gave up everything to play housewife to her famous footballer husband. So what does it feel like to have walked out on that life and reinvented herself?
The night before I meet Louise Redknapp, I go to see her in her latest West End show, 9 to 5 The Musical. She plays Violet, the character made famous by Lili Tomlin in the classic 1980 film, and in many ways the most obviously feminist character in the story. Redknapp herself is very enjoyable to watch, stomping around the stage, furiously pointing out that men get promotions for laughing at the bosss jokes while she is not even thanked for making the coffee. But, not long ago, this casting would have seemed bizarre.
Redknapp has been in the public eye for a quarter of a century, but she has never exactly been associated with feminism. After studying at the Italia Conti stage school, Louise Nurding, as she was then known, shot to fame at the age of 18 in the early 90s girl group Eternal, and then cemented her celebrity status by achieving that ultimate 90s ambition, marrying a footballer Jamie Redknapp, the son of manager Harry. Their telegenic union the pretty pop star and equally pretty sports star predated the Beckhams, but the Redknapps were a less flashy proposition. When their first child was born, in 2004, she quit her by then solo music career to live in what she frequently described as domestic bliss. Redknapp came across as sweet, unthreatening and a bit bland, and seemed destined for a contented life as a Surrey housewife with her two sons, Charley, now 14, and Beau, 10, living among the footballing dynasty. But then, in 2017, Redknapp did something that no one expected: she walked out of her marriage.
I meet Redknapp, 44, in a room in the Savoy hotel in London, just above the theatre where she is appearing in 9 to 5. As well as performing tonight, she will spend the afternoon finishing work on her upcoming album, Heavy Love, her first in 18 years, which will be released in October. Whatever emotional toll her divorce which was finalised in December 2017 has exacted on her, it has certainly motivated, or freed, her professionally.
Redknapp as Violet Newstead (centre) with Natalie McQueen and Amber Davies in 9 to 5 The Musical. Photograph: Simon Turtle
In tight black trousers, ankle boots and a loose dark top, her hair long and highlighted in various shades of gold and auburn, she looks almost identical to how she did in her pop heyday. She embraces me with the easy warmth of one who is very practised in the art of making strangers like her.
Did you see the show last night? Did you like it? Its fun, right? Oh good, Im so glad. You liked it, right? she says with more nervousness than I had expected: she was the one, after all, who chose a new storyline, and walked away.
We talk about the show, and Redknapp eagerly brings up how timely its revival is, off the back of the #MeToo movement. She insists she never experienced any sexual harassment when she was working as a 90s pop star and appearing in mens magazines: Maybe because I was so young, she suggests, which isnt the most credible reason. Or maybe because [Eternal] were so successful so quickly, so the record company cocooned us, she adds, which seems more plausible.
And yet she does feel a personal connection to 9 to 5: You know, its about female empowerment and I think Im at a stage of my life when I really need that, to stand up and be strong, she says.
Although Redknapp makes frequent references during our conversation to her gang of girlfriends, seeing her onstage the night before was the first time I had seen her surrounded by women since her Eternal days. For the past 20 years, whenever she was photographed she was invariably with her husband. I tell her it always surprised me that she was never part of the group of high-profile wives and girlfriends of other footballers, given how ready-made she seemed for that role. But she was never photographed out having a laugh with Colleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole. I think Jamie, being that slightly bit more old school, didnt want any of that. His sport is what comes first, no circus around it. So I just kept to myself, she says.
When Redknapp confirmed, in September 2017, that her seemingly perfect marriage was over, the circus around the two of them could hardly have been more hysterical. While the British public is very used to footballers leaving their wives, no one seemed to know what to make of the narrative being reversed.
It was more mutual than that but, yes, I moved out, she says, carefully, when I ask if she initiated the divorce. She was followed by battalions of paparazzi every night and the celebrity press tutted at her late nights on the town (to the theatre, where, at the time, she was starring in Cabaret).
With Jamie Redknapp in 2010, seven years before they split up. Photograph: Paul Grover/Rex/Shutterstock
At around the same time, Wayne Rooney was accused, again, of infidelity when he was caught drink driving with a young woman who was not his wife. But whereas Rooneys actions were treated with a benign just-Wayne-being-Wayne shrug by the public, Redknapp was nationally castigated for having a midlife crisis and abandoning her children. Did she notice the disparity between the coverage of the two stories?
I did. I felt it. And I felt really, really bullied. It made me want to scream. Just because I went back to work and my marriage wasnt working out doesnt mean I wasnt with my kids, she says with a rod of fury in her voice. And, yeah, when I was in Cabaret I wasnt putting them to bed every night, but its no different to a man in the City working late.
Or Jamie doing late-night football commentary? Yeah, on A League of Their Own. Jamie would then take the kids on holiday and the papers would say: Oh, what an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad; I cannot say a bad word about Jamie when it comes to being a dad. But no one patted me on the back when Id taken the kids on Easter holiday on my own for the past 10 years. Jamie had to work doing the football, it was school holidays, so Id take them on holiday and never once did anyone say: What a great mum. It was really tough sitting back and not speaking up.
There was such widespread bafflement at Redknapps decision to leave her marriage that there was inevitable speculation about why. Many cited Strictly Come Dancing, on which Redknapp had appeared the previous year, and its record of ending relationships. Strictly put the fire back in my belly, but it didnt break up my relationship. After 20 years of marriage, it takes a lot more than that, scoffs Redknapp.
It was also suggested that Redknapp was having an affair with the model Daisy Lowe, who had appeared on Strictly with her. Redknapp reels back against the sofa when I mention this.
I really think the double standards were coming into play there, she says. Because people were adamant there had to be a specific reason for you leaving your husband? She nods: Yeah, and Daisy and I only went out together four times or something. So the idea [that I left my husband for Lowe] I remember my kids saying: Mum, are you going out with Daisy Lowe? And I had to say: Guys, no. I became peoples morning entertainment while they read their paper on the train and ate their croissant. I tried to laugh it off, but the damage these stories were doing to me and those around me was huge.
Redknapp or Louise Nurding as she was then with her Eternal bandmates in 1994. Photograph: Tony Larkin/Rex/Shutterstock
In order to understand the end of a marriage it is necessary to understand its beginnings and, for all the lurid speculation, the path that led the Redknapps to divorce was all too prosaic. When they married in 1998, she was at least as big a star as him, but she happily gave up her music career to be a wife and mother: It took me so long to get pregnant the first time four years so I was just so in love with my little boy, she says. And, for the first seven or eight years, it was quite nice to not have to worry about where your records going, or if people like you. But as time went on, Id drop the kids off at school, go home, walk the dogs and then go home and think: I have five hours until school pick-up. Thats a long day. It was fine when they were young, because Id pick them up at 12. Then it changed; theyre at school and doing sport, Jamie was doing his thing, and there was pure panic. I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say.
Redknapp and her ex-husband have been careful in speaking only positively of one another throughout their divorce, but hints of other narratives shine through the cracks. She refers to him as a family man and their marriage as traditional, and while he grew up in a close, old-fashioned family, she was the daughter of a very independent working mum, and, yes, maybe subconsciously, she agrees, that might have created some problems between them. She was not a football fan (No, never, she says, firmly and proudly), so I ask if it was ever a tiny bit dull being ensconced with the Redknapps, given that her then husband, father-in-law and husbands cousin, Frank Lampard, are all football royalty. I think I just got used to it, she says with a winning smile.
Redknapps explanation about the split is that she had low self-esteem and didnt feel able to say she wanted to start working again, and in no way was that her ex-husbands fault. I wish Id spoken up and said how I felt, but I thought everyone would think I was nuts and say: Why are you low? Look at you, youre so lucky.
But if you had spoken up, would Jamie have been OK with you going back on the stage and in the studio? She pauses: I dont know. But at least Id have known I tried, she says.
So it was easier to leave than to say anything? Her voice drops: Maybe. We women dont make it easy for ourselves.
Given Strictlys record of ending relationships, I ask if she agreed to be on the show because she saw it as a way out of her marriage. You know, I like to think no. I like to think not at all. I think I just went into Strictly looking for something to do.
These days, Jamie still lives in the Surrey family home and Redknapp is a few minutes away and they share custody of their children. It is clear that she feels liberated by her divorce, so I ask if she plans to revert to her maiden name. She looks poleaxed by the suggestion. Ummm no. Its such a mum thing, but the thought of not having the same name as my kids, I could cry thinking about it. But maybe if Jamie gets married Id have to change it I dont know how that works, she says with an anxious giggle.
This leads us to talking about dating, and whereas Jamie has been photographed with several women, Redknapp has remained single. Its really hard for women. Im beginning to think Im never going to meet anyone Ive not been out for a meal, just me and a guy in a restaurant, in two years. That makes me sound really sad, doesnt it?
It takes a while to get over a 19-year marriage. Yeah, I think its easier for men, she says.
With her dance partner Kevin Clifton on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016. Photograph: PA/Guy Levy/BBC
It doesnt upset her when she sees her ex-husband out with other women (But, yes, of course, its hard for the boys. I tell them, Dads a single man and hes doing nothing wrong, she says). Sometimes, though, it is a bit strange. The day before we meet, he was photographed with the British model Lizzie Bowden, who was widely described in the press as a Louise Redknapp lookalike. It is kinda weird! And then I start looking at them thinking, Do they look like me? But hes got his taste, she says with a shrug.
I like Redknapp. Yes, she has that tendency, common to graduates of stage school, of affecting immediate intimacy, but there is an emotional honesty to her that is almost certainly born from the ordeal of the past two years. It is impossible not to cheer for a woman who for so long was defined in relation to others first a pop group, then a husband taking the risk to strike out on her own. And although many were surprised when she left her high-profile marriage, there has long been a more independent streak in her than her hotter-than-average girl-next-door image suggested. She did, after all, leave Eternal in 1995 after their hugely successful debut album to launch her solo career.
Id just had enough, she says. We were very different and had different directions. We werent harmonised. Girl bands are tough.
Does she mean they were fighting? Not fighting, just, um, different, she says, diplomatically.
She talks excitedly about her plans for the next decade: more albums, more musicals, and, of course, bringing up two teenagers.
But what Id really like to do is buy the rights to a movie and produce a stage show from it, she says.
Any in particular? Thelma and Louise, she replies, and smiles.
Louise Redknapps new single, Stretch, is out now. She appears in 9 to 5 The Musical until 29 June
Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us
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Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/louise-redknapp-strictly-put-the-fire-back-in-my-belly-but-it-didnt-break-up-my-relationship/
Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship
For 19 years, the former Eternal star gave up everything to play housewife to her famous footballer husband. So what does it feel like to have walked out on that life and reinvented herself?
The night before I meet Louise Redknapp, I go to see her in her latest West End show, 9 to 5 The Musical. She plays Violet, the character made famous by Lili Tomlin in the classic 1980 film, and in many ways the most obviously feminist character in the story. Redknapp herself is very enjoyable to watch, stomping around the stage, furiously pointing out that men get promotions for laughing at the bosss jokes while she is not even thanked for making the coffee. But, not long ago, this casting would have seemed bizarre.
Redknapp has been in the public eye for a quarter of a century, but she has never exactly been associated with feminism. After studying at the Italia Conti stage school, Louise Nurding, as she was then known, shot to fame at the age of 18 in the early 90s girl group Eternal, and then cemented her celebrity status by achieving that ultimate 90s ambition, marrying a footballer Jamie Redknapp, the son of manager Harry. Their telegenic union the pretty pop star and equally pretty sports star predated the Beckhams, but the Redknapps were a less flashy proposition. When their first child was born, in 2004, she quit her by then solo music career to live in what she frequently described as domestic bliss. Redknapp came across as sweet, unthreatening and a bit bland, and seemed destined for a contented life as a Surrey housewife with her two sons, Charley, now 14, and Beau, 10, living among the footballing dynasty. But then, in 2017, Redknapp did something that no one expected: she walked out of her marriage.
I meet Redknapp, 44, in a room in the Savoy hotel in London, just above the theatre where she is appearing in 9 to 5. As well as performing tonight, she will spend the afternoon finishing work on her upcoming album, Heavy Love, her first in 18 years, which will be released in October. Whatever emotional toll her divorce which was finalised in December 2017 has exacted on her, it has certainly motivated, or freed, her professionally.
Redknapp as Violet Newstead (centre) with Natalie McQueen and Amber Davies in 9 to 5 The Musical. Photograph: Simon Turtle
In tight black trousers, ankle boots and a loose dark top, her hair long and highlighted in various shades of gold and auburn, she looks almost identical to how she did in her pop heyday. She embraces me with the easy warmth of one who is very practised in the art of making strangers like her.
Did you see the show last night? Did you like it? Its fun, right? Oh good, Im so glad. You liked it, right? she says with more nervousness than I had expected: she was the one, after all, who chose a new storyline, and walked away.
We talk about the show, and Redknapp eagerly brings up how timely its revival is, off the back of the #MeToo movement. She insists she never experienced any sexual harassment when she was working as a 90s pop star and appearing in mens magazines: Maybe because I was so young, she suggests, which isnt the most credible reason. Or maybe because [Eternal] were so successful so quickly, so the record company cocooned us, she adds, which seems more plausible.
And yet she does feel a personal connection to 9 to 5: You know, its about female empowerment and I think Im at a stage of my life when I really need that, to stand up and be strong, she says.
Although Redknapp makes frequent references during our conversation to her gang of girlfriends, seeing her onstage the night before was the first time I had seen her surrounded by women since her Eternal days. For the past 20 years, whenever she was photographed she was invariably with her husband. I tell her it always surprised me that she was never part of the group of high-profile wives and girlfriends of other footballers, given how ready-made she seemed for that role. But she was never photographed out having a laugh with Colleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole. I think Jamie, being that slightly bit more old school, didnt want any of that. His sport is what comes first, no circus around it. So I just kept to myself, she says.
When Redknapp confirmed, in September 2017, that her seemingly perfect marriage was over, the circus around the two of them could hardly have been more hysterical. While the British public is very used to footballers leaving their wives, no one seemed to know what to make of the narrative being reversed.
It was more mutual than that but, yes, I moved out, she says, carefully, when I ask if she initiated the divorce. She was followed by battalions of paparazzi every night and the celebrity press tutted at her late nights on the town (to the theatre, where, at the time, she was starring in Cabaret).
With Jamie Redknapp in 2010, seven years before they split up. Photograph: Paul Grover/Rex/Shutterstock
At around the same time, Wayne Rooney was accused, again, of infidelity when he was caught drink driving with a young woman who was not his wife. But whereas Rooneys actions were treated with a benign just-Wayne-being-Wayne shrug by the public, Redknapp was nationally castigated for having a midlife crisis and abandoning her children. Did she notice the disparity between the coverage of the two stories?
I did. I felt it. And I felt really, really bullied. It made me want to scream. Just because I went back to work and my marriage wasnt working out doesnt mean I wasnt with my kids, she says with a rod of fury in her voice. And, yeah, when I was in Cabaret I wasnt putting them to bed every night, but its no different to a man in the City working late.
Or Jamie doing late-night football commentary? Yeah, on A League of Their Own. Jamie would then take the kids on holiday and the papers would say: Oh, what an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad; I cannot say a bad word about Jamie when it comes to being a dad. But no one patted me on the back when Id taken the kids on Easter holiday on my own for the past 10 years. Jamie had to work doing the football, it was school holidays, so Id take them on holiday and never once did anyone say: What a great mum. It was really tough sitting back and not speaking up.
There was such widespread bafflement at Redknapps decision to leave her marriage that there was inevitable speculation about why. Many cited Strictly Come Dancing, on which Redknapp had appeared the previous year, and its record of ending relationships. Strictly put the fire back in my belly, but it didnt break up my relationship. After 20 years of marriage, it takes a lot more than that, scoffs Redknapp.
It was also suggested that Redknapp was having an affair with the model Daisy Lowe, who had appeared on Strictly with her. Redknapp reels back against the sofa when I mention this.
I really think the double standards were coming into play there, she says. Because people were adamant there had to be a specific reason for you leaving your husband? She nods: Yeah, and Daisy and I only went out together four times or something. So the idea [that I left my husband for Lowe] I remember my kids saying: Mum, are you going out with Daisy Lowe? And I had to say: Guys, no. I became peoples morning entertainment while they read their paper on the train and ate their croissant. I tried to laugh it off, but the damage these stories were doing to me and those around me was huge.
Redknapp or Louise Nurding as she was then with her Eternal bandmates in 1994. Photograph: Tony Larkin/Rex/Shutterstock
In order to understand the end of a marriage it is necessary to understand its beginnings and, for all the lurid speculation, the path that led the Redknapps to divorce was all too prosaic. When they married in 1998, she was at least as big a star as him, but she happily gave up her music career to be a wife and mother: It took me so long to get pregnant the first time four years so I was just so in love with my little boy, she says. And, for the first seven or eight years, it was quite nice to not have to worry about where your records going, or if people like you. But as time went on, Id drop the kids off at school, go home, walk the dogs and then go home and think: I have five hours until school pick-up. Thats a long day. It was fine when they were young, because Id pick them up at 12. Then it changed; theyre at school and doing sport, Jamie was doing his thing, and there was pure panic. I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say.
Redknapp and her ex-husband have been careful in speaking only positively of one another throughout their divorce, but hints of other narratives shine through the cracks. She refers to him as a family man and their marriage as traditional, and while he grew up in a close, old-fashioned family, she was the daughter of a very independent working mum, and, yes, maybe subconsciously, she agrees, that might have created some problems between them. She was not a football fan (No, never, she says, firmly and proudly), so I ask if it was ever a tiny bit dull being ensconced with the Redknapps, given that her then husband, father-in-law and husbands cousin, Frank Lampard, are all football royalty. I think I just got used to it, she says with a winning smile.
Redknapps explanation about the split is that she had low self-esteem and didnt feel able to say she wanted to start working again, and in no way was that her ex-husbands fault. I wish Id spoken up and said how I felt, but I thought everyone would think I was nuts and say: Why are you low? Look at you, youre so lucky.
But if you had spoken up, would Jamie have been OK with you going back on the stage and in the studio? She pauses: I dont know. But at least Id have known I tried, she says.
So it was easier to leave than to say anything? Her voice drops: Maybe. We women dont make it easy for ourselves.
Given Strictlys record of ending relationships, I ask if she agreed to be on the show because she saw it as a way out of her marriage. You know, I like to think no. I like to think not at all. I think I just went into Strictly looking for something to do.
These days, Jamie still lives in the Surrey family home and Redknapp is a few minutes away and they share custody of their children. It is clear that she feels liberated by her divorce, so I ask if she plans to revert to her maiden name. She looks poleaxed by the suggestion. Ummm no. Its such a mum thing, but the thought of not having the same name as my kids, I could cry thinking about it. But maybe if Jamie gets married Id have to change it I dont know how that works, she says with an anxious giggle.
This leads us to talking about dating, and whereas Jamie has been photographed with several women, Redknapp has remained single. Its really hard for women. Im beginning to think Im never going to meet anyone Ive not been out for a meal, just me and a guy in a restaurant, in two years. That makes me sound really sad, doesnt it?
It takes a while to get over a 19-year marriage. Yeah, I think its easier for men, she says.
With her dance partner Kevin Clifton on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016. Photograph: PA/Guy Levy/BBC
It doesnt upset her when she sees her ex-husband out with other women (But, yes, of course, its hard for the boys. I tell them, Dads a single man and hes doing nothing wrong, she says). Sometimes, though, it is a bit strange. The day before we meet, he was photographed with the British model Lizzie Bowden, who was widely described in the press as a Louise Redknapp lookalike. It is kinda weird! And then I start looking at them thinking, Do they look like me? But hes got his taste, she says with a shrug.
I like Redknapp. Yes, she has that tendency, common to graduates of stage school, of affecting immediate intimacy, but there is an emotional honesty to her that is almost certainly born from the ordeal of the past two years. It is impossible not to cheer for a woman who for so long was defined in relation to others first a pop group, then a husband taking the risk to strike out on her own. And although many were surprised when she left her high-profile marriage, there has long been a more independent streak in her than her hotter-than-average girl-next-door image suggested. She did, after all, leave Eternal in 1995 after their hugely successful debut album to launch her solo career.
Id just had enough, she says. We were very different and had different directions. We werent harmonised. Girl bands are tough.
Does she mean they were fighting? Not fighting, just, um, different, she says, diplomatically.
She talks excitedly about her plans for the next decade: more albums, more musicals, and, of course, bringing up two teenagers.
But what Id really like to do is buy the rights to a movie and produce a stage show from it, she says.
Any in particular? Thelma and Louise, she replies, and smiles.
Louise Redknapps new single, Stretch, is out now. She appears in 9 to 5 The Musical until 29 June
Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us
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adambstingus · 6 years ago
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My Dad Died And All I Got Was This Lousy Complex
Dead parents are an exceedingly common occurrence as I grow older. You cant throw a rock in this town without hitting a 30-something with a sad but touching story of how he navigated the death of one or both of his parents. These are the stories people tell me when I disclose that my dad recently died. While I appreciate the attempt at shared commiseration, the truth is the death of my father is only notable for the fact that I dont care.
I was 13 the last time Id seen my father. Hed taken me to a New Years Eve party mostly populated by adults and I got drunk on punch upstairs while he sat in the basement doing god knows what. At some point he walked me home, both of us drunk, me for the first time. My dad was a notoriously chatty when he drank, and he rambled to me the whole way back to my moms house (this was post-divorce).
In my 13-year-old brain I knew I was about to experience some profound change in perspective. He talked about his numerous marriages and several legitimate and illegitimate children. He eventually admitted he wasnt sure that anything good had come from any of this, that all those women had just been a drain on him and provided little to no joy. A moment later he realized the idiocy of telling your daughter that she wasnt a worthwhile addition to your life, and made some lame statement about valuing and treasuring his kids, all 200 hundred of them (she mildly exaggerates).
I cant say that what he said was sad or surprising, and maybe it was the booze, but in that moment I just accepted that my dad was an asshole. Any sort of intelligence or ability my dad possessed took a back seat to unchecked mental illness. This resulted in a lot of drinking, fighting with my mom, an aversion to work, and a personality that turned on a dime. Sometimes my father would be the life of the party, other times he would sneak out the back door to avoid saying goodbye to anyone (also known as the Irish exit).
On paper, none of this is very horrific. The one truly awful memory I have of my father is of him grabbing my mom by the throat and lifting her up so that her feet left the ground. I cant remember how old I was, but I do remember watching her feet kicking at air and feeling frozen in the moment, unsure of what I should do or if anything could be done. Looking back on it I dont really feel anything. Which is the defining theme of my life. I typically dont feel and when I have an actual discernible emotion I am shocked and outraged. How could this happen to me? My defenses should be rock solid, Ive been fortifying them for most of my life. Its the worst with positive emotions. If I feel love and affection for anyone I immediately become uncomfortable.
A day before my 37th birthday my father had the audacity to die. My ethnic origins mean that people think its ok to take pictures of dead and/or dying people, and one of these pictures of my father made its way to my phone. Hes not dead in it but he might as well be. When it comes to faces, the most haunting aspect of death appears in the mouth, not the eyes. In the picture, my fathers mouth hangs open slackly like he was drawing his final breath. I like to show this picture to people at inopportune times and laugh at their shocked reactions. I look at it and feel absolutely nothing.
Perhaps the most hilarious side effect of my weird relationship with my father is my choice in men. This is a point of contention for me, as I believe human beings (myself especially) are far too complex to draw a straight line from Shitty Father to Shitty Boyfriend. However, my love life is replete with questionable men who all seem to enjoy some combination of casual domestic violence, alcohol, mental illness, and infidelity. I have a strong inkling that the real reason I choose men like this is because its just an elaborate form of self-sabotage.
It all started with my first serious boyfriend, who I met when I was 16. While sweet and charming, this guy was apparently on the lam from the law and a few months into our relationship he simply disappeared from his apartment never to return. He may or may not have been in the news recently for some kind of insane prison break, but that claim is unverified. After him was a devil-worshipping single father who I somehow spent ten years of my life with fielding insults and dodging half full bottles of beer. Next up we have an alcoholic Pacific North Westerner who was ten years my junior, also known as the OKCupid date that lasted three years. My most recent conquest is perhaps the most bizarre yet, a couch-surfing manic depressive who builds tree houses for a living.
In addition to a decidedly problematic taste in men, whats most disturbing about my father is that sneaking fear that I am just like him, only I had the good sense not to procreate and draw another human being into this silly drama I call my life. A therapist once asked me if I mourned the life I didnt have. This was a tough question to contemplate. I imagined how different I would be if I had a normal life with a normal family. Maybe I would be married with kids, and my husband would be some boring guy I could barely tolerate. My kids would be mediocre in every way, maybe the youngest one would be a little shit and I would secretly despise him or her. Maybe I would lose it and bang a 16-year-old football player or become one of those Munchausen-by-proxy women.
I could tell you what wouldnt have happened if I had a normal life. I wouldnt have woken up this morning reeking of cocaine. I bet you didnt know that you could actually smell like cocaine? Well you can, and its disgusting. I wouldnt be in love with another questionable man with whom a shared future is a hard sell. I wouldnt be borderline anorexic and taking perverse joy in not-eating and announcing how little I weigh to everyone. Or maybe I would be like this, maybe my problems are inherent and would have presented themselves anyway. I guess Ill never know.
At some point your parents are going to die and youre going to feel a profound sadness, like youve just been unmoored from the only thing anchoring you to life itself. Or you might feel absolutely nothing like I did, which is even more of a kick in the face. My father never really did anything particularly egregious to me. He just introduced me to that special type of asshole that I would encounter again and again throughout my life, one that I would even personify on occasion.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/my-dad-died-and-all-i-got-was-this-lousy-complex/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/177566781212
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viralhottopics · 8 years ago
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The love at the heart of our familys wartime secret
When Margaret Esiri and Andrew Evanss mother died, they read her diary and unravelled a lifelong mystery
In April 1939, Doreen Bates presented Bill Evans, the man she had been seeing for six years, with a sheet of paper. It listed, in two neat columns, the pros and cons of having a baby together.
What made the list unusual was that Bill was married to someone else, and would remain so, until his death in 1974.
Amazingly, Bill agreed to Doreens plea to start a family. And, after the birth of twins in October 1941, he spent every other weekend and summer holidays with Doreen and the children.
His wife, told of the twins existence when they were four months old, agreed to the arrangements, insistent that they should know their father. She and Bill had no children her choice and she never met the twins.
After Doreens death, aged 87 in 1994, Margaret Esiri and Andrew Evans discovered the list among their mothers many papers, which also included detailed diaries from 1931. Now the twins have edited and published the story in Diary of a Wartime Affair.
We didnt know our parents were unmarried until they told us when we were 10, recalls Margaret. Doreen always wore a wedding band and called herself Mrs Evans. We were told our father worked away.
Doreen Bates in 1934.
The weekends he came were the best, partly because we felt like a normal family, says Andrew. He slotted in immediately. We were conscious our situation was different, and I think staff at the school knew, but it never really got out.
Like many other wartime babies, Margaret and Andrew had been born outside of marriage, yet Doreens pregnancy had been, less typically, a meticulously planned one.
After meeting in 1930 when they began sharing an office at the Inland Revenue in Paddington, London, Doreen and Bill known as E in the diary struck up an instant rapport over long discussions about favourite books. By late 1933, their relationship had developed into a romantic and physical one.
Oh, I would give so much to have children, and the right to love him, Doreen wrote on 15 December 1934 after an illicit weekend with E in Winchester and a resulting pregnancy scare.
He, for his part, told her: I wish you wouldnt talk about babies. You have made me want them, too.
That E, however much in love with Doreen, would not leave his wife K in the diaries was never hidden. He was, I think, very fond of her, says Margaret, and he felt very guilty. He had a terribly strong sense of duty towards her.
In September 1935, Doreen wrote of her wish that E would tell his wife about their affair, despite believing such a move would end it. He would keep K, though he might suffer, I know.
Racked with guilt, E did eventually confess his infidelity, going on to tell Doreen by letter in November 1937 that their affair must end.
Bill Evans in 1934.
The hiatus lasted just two months. My love for him just leapt up out of the careful wrappings I had tried to smother it in all these weeks, she wrote on 22 January, after an impassioned meeting at Waterloo station.
The couple found ways to spend more time together snatched trysts in the office, lunchtime picnics, theatre trips, and a philosophy lecture course.
They also began a series of night walks around the countryside of the south-east. On 27 May 1934, Doreen wrote of meeting E on a night train from Charing Cross to hike the hills around Horsley. On top of Black Heath we rested and watched the moon sink We were rather cold but we were close and finally we slept for half an hour, she recorded. May my memory remain fresh and unblurred. Hers was, she noted, a gossamer happiness.
I must reconcile myself to having no children and not being Es wife, Doreen wrote in January 1935, going on to write in her diary, later that year, a stirring, but never-delivered speech to him. You think I should soon get over it catch another man, marry, have babies and live happily ever after. That is a convenient picture Well its not true.
With time though, her stance changed, and increasingly she considered the possibility of single motherhood. By November 1936, one week into a pregnancy scare, she had decided she would not seek a termination. I should manage This feeling of certainty and acceptance is quite independent of E, whatever he may say, or do, or not do.
Though keenly aware of the potential problems, by April 1937 her desire to have my baby, pure and simple and his baby something of him I should have the right to love and look after and help, was overwhelming.
Doreen began to take practical steps towards motherhood. She visited her doctor (who was, perhaps surprisingly, encouraging), arranged for her sister to care for the baby should she die and told her mother a deeply religious widow who also depended on her daughter financially that she was considering adoption.
It had to be him, says Margaret of the idea that Doreen could try to find another partner. She was deeply committed to Bill and remained so all her life, but she wanted to do this whether he stayed around or not.
She was determined to bring him round, she continues. She went on and on and I suppose there was an element of him giving in. His mother, adds Andrew, was too honest to have ever tricked Bill into a baby.
Doreen also accepted his initial insistence that his wife must know first. But the diary reveals her growing frustration at Ks fragile health and Es subsequent continual stalling. He found it very difficult to tell her, says Margaret. She had become very anorexic when he had told her about the affair and he was very worried it would happen again.
By the time he finally agreed to Doreens request to go ahead without Ks knowledge in 1940 believing that war would make the arrangement easier the announcement that she was to be transferred to Belfast appeared finally to dash her dreams.
Then on 7 March 1941, the day before her departure after a secluded hike in Surrey, one of the loveliest days we have ever had Doreen discovered she was pregnant.
Everything somehow just dovetailed into place, says Andrew. The timing was critical. Once she had gone it would have been impossible and she was getting older [aged 35], she felt time was running out.
Still unsure of Es continuing involvement, Doreen eventually returned to London in August, where she set about making arrangements for the birth. She found her employers to be surprisingly broadminded about what they deemed an unfortunate accident (the notion that it could have been a deliberate decision was apparently unimaginable). She was offered a long period of paid sick leave and a job to return to if she could avoid scandal.
She was lucky. It was wartime, the usual conventions could be stepped around a little and she was good at her job. They needed her, says Margaret.
For Doreens mother, Rosa though she did go on to develop a loving relationship with her grandchildren the news was harder to accept. The shock was great and she was quite prostrate all the evening, Doreen wrote in her diary. She was only allowed to visit after dark and the arrival of an ambulance to transport her, in labour, to the nursing home, horrified her mother.
Even after we were born, with E coming every other week, Rosa never reconciled herself to him, that he had put Doreen in that shameful situation, says Margaret.
It was a sense of shame Andrew and Margaret believe their mother never felt. She was uninterested in conventions of social behaviour and an ordinary, respectable life, says Andrew.
Bills commitment, of which Doreen could never have been sure, became apparent quickly. E is very thrilled more doting than I should have thought possible, her diary records of his first visit to see the twins.
He helped install Doreen, the children and a nanny in a house in London. Bill visited regularly, establishing the semi-formal arrangement when the family settled in Surrey after the war.
We called him Bill. She was more of a constant, but we were always clear that he was our father, says Margaret.
Involved as he was, Bill never told the rest of his family about his children. They met an aunt and several other family members for the first time only after their fathers death.
From time to time, as a young girl, Margaret received gifts of ballet shoes from K (a ballet teacher), but occasional meetings between K and Doreens sister never succeeded in establishing the rapprochement the aunt hoped for.
Watching the children play one weekend, Doreens diary recorded, E announced that having children was the supreme human experience. It was, says Margaret, a moment of vindication. It was what she had sought to tell him all along.
The Diary of a Wartime Affair by Doreen Bates is published by Viking, 16.99. To order a copy for 14.44, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call the Guardian Bookshop on 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min. p&p of 1.99.
Read more: http://bit.ly/2l3ui7Z
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