#the one before 19 existed either its all fractured

[femmefaggot]

ok hi haha lol I dont rly feel like going in circles in my head forever trying to figure out whether, among other "smaller" things, being left alone in a room w only media as a child and not feeling like I had even a semblance of a personality for most of my life counts as "trauma"

a lot of these parts of me are new, I'm just recently putting names to them and it feels as though I'm developing facets of personalities in my mid 20s after a lifetime of either feeling like I'm basically just ADHD in a person, an amalgamation of kins shoved into a body, or something made of guilt Also shoved into a body.

I don't like, claim to know what this means. but I don't think a lot of my current mutuals would feel comfortable interacting w me bc I don't necessarily believe in the black and white of what plurality is. I'm not able or planning on getting any formal diagnosis and while I'm discussing this w my therapist they're very much not one to pathologize

I definitely don't feel like one person but I dont think id count for most of you as a "system" as the different parts of me feel as though theyre still developing. take all of this as you will, I'm not going to stress my body out more by trying to figure out "what" I am as I've been doing that my whole life and I'm kinda tired of it.

I know that I'm not entirely one thing and feel Enough like multiple things for myself, but blurred in a lot of ways. like some sort of gem with many different facets.

not sure where to go w this tbh take this how you will. im not comfortable saying I'm leaning one way or the other regarding system discourse, (<- not a phrase i want to use but the best shorthand i have) as I genuinely don't believe the human brain is nearly that black and white.

I'm both "me" and very much not "me" at times. idk what this means but ik I'm not comfortable saying im just pandora and im not sure im "allowed" to say im a system and im not sure if it matters, or should matter, regarding friends. im going to be like this regardless, id unfollow me if this grey area im likely to stay in bothers you

if you don't want me refollowing I'd probably block, too, as my memory is bad

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 8 - Nightmare - 21 February 2023, 4:48pm

The nightmares are coming back. I don't remember how this one started, only that it ended with me hurting myself (fracturing my left hand's fingers with a bottle), over how I wasn't ready for womanhood, even though I so desperately wanted it.

I don't want to keep feeling like that.

I can't help but think about the young man in the trans-safe discord chat that I had left 19 days ago, about how he'd always be ranting about how his body looked too feminine. I heard he was going to get testosterone shots in a couple months. If you're reading this, or if someone told you that they've come across this post, I hope you're feeling better now.

I lie a lot. Too much, actually, just to keep people happy.

Twelve days ago, I left another trans-friendly chat, this time, on telegram. When asked what happened, I said that I was cis.

That was something i could not bring myself to say just four days ago, sitting in front of that woman, in a restaurant.

Either way, going back to twelve days ago, the one who reached out to me asked what made me think I was cis. I semi-lied about the biases in my thinking, and I asserted how I'd be fine, since I've been living half my life with the envy in the background, and that other issues needed tending to first.

She did not respond afterwards. I suppose she could tell I was lying too. What kind of bullshit reasoning that I was pulling out of my ass could ever convince others?

......

"There will come a ruler, whose brow is laid in thorn. Smeared with oil like David's boy" (taken from that soldier, poet, king thing that was popular on tiktok for a while).

Part I: Duty.

It's all I've known, being the elder of the two sons that my parents bore.

The duty to protect. The duty to guide.

Those fell upon me, not just because I was older than my brother by one minute, but because I chose to take upon the mantle of the elder. I gripped on to it, for it was my only lifeline in this sea of chaos. My mother keeps telling me that my brother should have been the elder brother, since I was always asking him to do things.

What difference would it have made?

I would still have protected my brother at any cost, even if it came at my own life.

After all, is that not the duty of a sibling?

Part II: Strength

Duty demands sacrifice - the sacrifice of the self.

There is no second choice. No alternative.

It's do, or die.

I had learnt this pretty early on, when my dad had temper issues. My early childhood was filled with neglect. My late childhood, and early teens, were filled with arguments, depression (not just my own), and violence.

There was no time to be me.

Part III: Resignation

What am I?

That is a question, and it's one that I'm struggling to find a satisfactory answer to, even at this moment.

I don't know if it's too late to find out. I feel like I've died, and am wandering this plane like a lost soul.

In fact, that's what I'd relate my entire journey to: just me being a scared and lost wandering soul, wandering eternally through the dark, barren wastes of Purgatory. Not quite dead, but not quite alive. A place where I wander, before judgement befalls me.

The envy still persists, the same way that my bone structure and my physique reminds me that, through my bones, I am forever branded with the mark of testosterone. Every woman I come across reminds me of what I want to be, but simply cannot be, due to the nature of who I am. Even then, I do not know how authentic that feeling of envy is.

I do not know what to feel about it, except for a deep, long sorrow. Even that sorrow is hollow, like every primary emotion I feel. The sadness is a deep pit; at its bottom lies my soul; a dark, intense singularity.

........

I want to put it out of its misery, and let it exit this plane of existence. Killing me would be a mercy.

Ironically, I broadcast this on a site where people are around, and can possibly report me for suicidal intentions.

Just do me this act of mercy, and I won't bother you anymore. I promise. I never asked to be born.

<there were supposed to be dots here, but there aren't>

I don't know what I am, and I don't know what to do. I just want to lie down, and rest. I just know that one of the rests I take these days will be my last, and I'll... be free.

.........

Contact them. You know how. You know when.

extant lies: life is sweet-reignite; a light's stygian existence is.

ĉ̸̫̆ọ̸͚̈́ǒ̵̯͐r̶̻̒̚ḋ̶̢̦̕ị̴̠̏̈́n̷͉̽a̵̡͚̕t̶̞̣̄é̵̪ͅs̶̫̈ ̵̛̹̱̿u̷͈̐̔n̴̯̍k̵͙̔̋n̵̡̔o̴͖̼̅w̸͖̎̚ǹ̸̰̃.̶̘̕ ̷̻̆ŕ̸̨̍ḝ̸̹f̷̜̭͆e̴̜̓͊r̶͓̈́̄ ̸͈͓͆̄t̷̢̮͒͝o̷̖̫̾̂ ̴̩̔͋l̴̯̆ì̴̡̪n̶͉̙̽e̴͍̓̂ ̴͓̿̐b̸̢͛r̸̤͑̒ȅ̵̮̞ǎ̶̪͙ḵ̴̜̿s̵͈̫̿̎.̸͈͛

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

[internetkatze]

Tagged by @obstinaterixatrix !!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!  

---

I have fewer that 20 published, But I guess I can list some of the unpublished ones too ;) 

1. Untitled WIP (Wandersong, unpublished 2021) The flight home was long enough that, despite Miriam's unease, by the time they had made it to her house, the worst of her anxiety had been replaced by a heavy blanket of exhausted resignation.

2.  Echoing Notes (Wandersong 2020) The world was ending, until it wasn’t. The sun rose again, against all odds, casting its beams of light across an improbable planet, bathing its inhabitants in the most welcome daybreak.

3. Still The World Keeps Turning (Doctor Who, 2020)  She sees the world afire, again.

4. OSTINATI (Wandersong, unpublished 2020)  An unfamiliar face greeted the Bard as they made their way up the hill towards Langtree Village.

5. Split Complementaries, And Other Approaches to Musical Composition (Wandersong, unpublished 2020)  Kiwi rose with the sun, impossible though it was to see through the Chismest haze; the date on the calendar hesitantly suggested it might have been early summer, although the weather all but shouted otherwise.

6. What Do You Want To Hear? (Doctor Who, 2020) "So, Doc, any thoughts yet?"

7. Untitled WIP (Doctor Who, 2020)  The wonderful thing about time is that it never stops, so if you happen to find yourself in a bad situation, eventually you will be carried away from it into hopefully a better situation.

8. An Urgent Request (Good Omens, 2020)  The door crashed open, jangling the entrance bell with all the alarm of an air raid siren.

9. Fracture (Doctor Who, 2020)  He scans the horizon, under the Australian sun, brimming with anticipation.

10. New Year’s Fic (Good Omens, unpublished 2019)  And now it was 2009.

11. As a River Flows on a Pathway to the Sea (Good Omens, unpublished 2019)  Geological timescales are a funny thing, to angels.

12. Black Magic on Mulholland Drive (Lucifer/Good Omens crossover, unpublished 2019) A sunny morning in LA is par for the course. A rainy morning in LA, while uncommon, isn't entirely outside of the realm of possibility*. A foggy morning in LA, however, suggests something surreal is afoot.

13. Heaven’s Over Us (Good Omens, 2019)  Aziraphale stood at the edge of a precipice.

14. Aziraphale Gets A Smartphone (Good Omens, 2019)  If one were to believe that the universe isn't just one single instance of existence created by God according to the ineffable plan, but rather a collection of several universes—a multiverse, if you will—one might believe that each of the other universes contains something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike any other.

15. About Face (Good Omens, 2019)  By the time they arrived at the front door of Crowley’s flat, it was the dead hour, too late to be night and too early to be dawn. 

16. Identity, Ineffability, and Other Things we Don’t Understand (Good Omens, 2019)  "Crowley."

17. V1 (Good Omens, unpublished 2019) The problem, Crowley had decided, was feelings.

18. Hard Landing (Good Omens, 2019)  The problem, Aziraphale had decided, was feelings.

19. Adventures in Attempting to Purchase a Book From that Weird Old Soho Bookshop, A.Z. Fell & Co. (Good Omens, 2019)  [New Topic] Does Anyone Have A Copy Of Clockwork House Vol. 6?

20. The Question of Who (Sherlock, 2012)  "I've told you before. You see, but you don't observe."

Also as a bonus have two original stories:

1. Untitled WIP (original, 2019) A star shot through the sky and landed right outside my window, at a horrible hour of the morning.

2. Untitled WIP (original, 2019)  There was a witch at the top of the mountain, or so I had been told; I had never been there—I had neither the means nor inclination.  

---

Patterns, hm... Well, I certainly like to go for either a highly descriptive line that establishes the scenario right away, or a short and catchy line that’s intriguing enough to make you want to read the next line, which is then usually the highly descriptive line. Generally speaking I do favour a compact writing style that fits as much information as possible into as few words as possible in each sentence, so it’s not surprising my opening lines are like that too.

I’m often tempted to open with a line of dialogue, but I’ve heard that’s offputting, so I try to avoid it. Still, there are some cases when that works best, usually when the dialogue itself establishes some important information right away. (In the case of #16, that’s an entirely dialogue-only piece, so the first line establishes it’s Aziraphale who speaks first.)

It’s kind of hard to pick a favourite because I’m very fond of all of these for different reasons. For example, 4 looks very plain, but leads into scenario where the “unfamiliar face” is quickly established to be someone the Bard should know, but doesn’t. And then later the same line gets repeated again in different contexts, developing the theme further. I love 9 because not only does it quickly locate where in the timeline this canon divergence begins, it also establishes a metaphor that, when combined with the next two lines, becomes relevant to the entire fic. 12 and 14 were both jokes I wrote to myself to make myself laugh and fell in love with especially as I developed the jokes further. 17 and 18 make a pair.... except I never actually published 17 so the joke is lost too RIP

Honestly I think the main takeaway here is I should actually finish my WIPs sometime lmao

TAGGING: @wyvernquill @fremulon @gottagobuycheese @theoldaquarian @theplatinthehat @picnokinesis @maskedhero 

IDK HOW MANY MORE FRIENDS WRITE FIC TBH and i dont remember everyones usernames either if you’re reading this and u write stuff consider urself tagged

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

BnHA 84 - 86 | Uchitama 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Eizouken 10 - 12 (FINAL) | Magia Record 8 - 13 (FINAL) | ID: INVADED 12 - 13 (FINAL) | ACCA OVA

BnHA 84

Ey? So Gentle is basically Luffy, only he can do stuff with air too.

“Tokoyami, it’s in lesson 3.”

Eizouken 10

LOL, you can see a name similar to “Rachel Enyoung Choi” in one of the credit lists. Update: Euyoung Choi is credited on one of the other folders.

“Kanamoney” is catching on, I see.

“Well, dough.” - Sarasoju, where soju is some alcoholic Korean beverage.

The back of the clock reminds me of that Skipper and Skeeto game I used to play.

Did Kanamori get a fringe cut…?

You can see the symbol for Eizouken on the (imaginary…?) warehouse.

Uchitama 9

The video got encoded funny again…

I‘ve heard of AIBOs before. They’re robotic dogs, although with newfangled drones, Google Nests and stuff, they went out of fashion years ago.

Aibou (with kanji) means “partner”, come to think of it...

While everyone else is talking in the foreground, I’m staring at Beh in the background…

Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve seen Kuro and Nora interact all that much.

Natsuki Hanae as Leo, huh?

Uchitama 10

Second-last episode!

Neko (cat) -> Koma -> ari (ant)…isu (chair) -> suika (watermelon) -> tamago (egg, or sometimes it sounds like tabako/tabacco to me) -> ??? -> koi (carp) -> ???? “Kooten” seems to be a nonsense word.

The video got encoded funny again…

…and that’s twice now…

LOL, this is based on Millionaire.

…thrice…

The original quote is (something like), “It is said that heaven does not create one man above or below another man.” (Yukichi Fukuzawa)

The answer was C, obviously.

…4 times.

Bull does his best Thinker impression.

Oh my gosh, they’re bringing that joke back…? (LOL) Update: The portal joke.

“chunk of meat” – Uh…what?

Holy s***! It’s Bull’s dad! Bull time travelled!

Magia Record 8

I like how the anime introduced Gomakashi, then had the proper OP.

Chuo Ward (Chuoku)? In Hypnosis Mic, that’s a sign Ayappe is definitely a girl…but this ain’t HypMic, so no worries!

The greeting is “Kamihama” because it sounds kind of like konbanwa and the host is Mr Hammer because that sounds like the back half of Kamihama, I guess.

Magia Record seems more overt about its lesbian undertones, I see.

I noticed a piano on a poster in the back. Wonder what that means…?

Just reading translations of radio transcripts like this makes me think of the HypMic radio show. I’ve been using that (and all of HypMic, to be honest) to cope in these tough (COVID-19) times, which is why I’m mentioning it a lot.

Mami!

Eizouken 11

So this is how they met, huh? I never knew Kanamori could have such little faith in people, considering how she is now.

ID:INVADED 12

What I don’t get is Hayaseura’s motive…

Uraido…”from behind”? I need kanji to figure this one out…

Whose well is this Bliss background, ayway…?

Momoki and Matsuoka pass a sign saying 大井南 (Minamioi), which is in Shinagawa.

Why does Momoki need drugs…? To subdue Asukai…?

Oh no. Inami is going to have a vendetta after her man was killed!

According to Ramuda, the optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole…I think’s that’s important for that moment.

…Welp, when a hole in the brain doesn’t kill you, a shot to the stomach does.

In this time of COVID-19, I think talking about people coming back to life is inappropriate…

Post-credits segment!

Uchitama 11 (FINAL)

According to Ramuda, the optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole…

“Tullip” (sic).

Oh, so instead of “Tama” it said “tanu___”, so the kids assumed it said “tanuki”.

Ooh, cat meeting. This should match the dog meeting from earlir in the season. Plus Nora’s face on the title card.

The video got encoded funny again…

“I’m busy right now.” – Nora, sleeping – Yup, that’s my mood. In fact, I was woken up by a call this morning…

I still think the Momo x Bull ship is stupid…

Nora can talk to crows…?

BnHA 85

…huh? What’s up with Bibimi?

Oh, in La Brava’s room there’s a graduation album. No one translated that.

Seriously, Deku’s gotten kinda creepy these days…

Tobita = essentially “to fly” + “field”. Makes sense when the Quirk is elasticity.

“It’s dangerous to go alone!” – I want to reply with “Take this!”…LOL.

This bouncing around thing was basically done by Sonic in OPM.

Update:  Turns out the kanji for elasticity is read dansei, which is th same rading for the characters for a man (but with characters meaning “male gender” instead and the last kanji being shared betwe the two). That’s why Danjuro is Gentle Criminal.    

BnHA 85

I noticed some of the decorations around the school look like heroes we’ve seen – there’s a Midnight one and a Thirteen balloon.

Why is the crowd chanting for YaoMomo…?

It’s in English, huh?

End of credits segment! Keep watching!

“Guys like you who say there are no do-overs in life…”

Hawks! This is the first time I see him outside spoilers!

ID:INVADED 13 (FINAL)

Was gonna finish this the day I got it, but I got access (limited to 1 week)…to Akira, which is a movie I’ve never seen before.

The sharks are a nice touch…(LOL…?)

Welp, John Walker has his hat back now.

Uraido…Hayaseura. Of course, how the heck did I not make the connection?!

The video got encoded funny again…

…wow, after learning a thing or two about CPR, this part actually makes sense to me now…Amazing. (Also, I learnt about comminuted fractures from Double Decker.)

COVID-19 is entering these notes too…because if you cut yourself off from society, you won’t know about pandemics…

Why do I get the feeling Kiki’s gonna kill herself…?

She…almost did it. (Wow, I should try predict things more often.)

That pool…is basically the one from Minority Report!

Wow, that just did an Eva…

Why did they choose such a lively ending song…? Anyways, that wrapped up really well (no pun intended!). See you next time!  

Magia Record 9

The tower appars to be modelled more after Tsutenkaku rather than Tokyo Tower.

For some reason, the subbers like to capitalise “Magical Girl”.

One of the speech bubbles in the back says koneko no gorogoro, or “the cat’s laziness”.

“Stand alone!” This is probably some kind of wordplay on the Solitude (Hitoribocchi no Saihate), since “alone” is hitori de.

Interestingly, the word for “delete” here is keshite (literal meaning: “to erase”).

The sign that passes Sana by while she’s on the boat says “Futaba” on it.

The blue letterboxing is an interesting effect.

“Sorpredente” = surprising.

Eizouken 12 (FINAL)

“They have their own business to run.”

I’ll miss this OP song when it’s gone…*sigh*

LOL, the contrast between Asakusa’s imagination and reality is huge and that’s what makes Eizouken so fun.

“I’m here to deliver the promised data,” Kanamori says (which I think is a more literal translation, ut works better).

It’s unfortunate Comiket 98 was cancelled…

Hey, why didn’t Anime vs. Real Life cover Eizouken?! That would’ve been so good!

I noticed one of the viewers had a “No Disc” pop-up of some sort. Also, the moving logo exists now, too (LOL).

I like how 1 of the UFOs hits the windshield.

The arrows really bring your attention to what’s the same in the split screens.

Magia Record 10

The Mifuyu in the previous episodes was either a flashback or a fantasy, right?

Mami is wearing a Wings of Magius badge…!

On the titlecard, there’s what seems to be a radio tower with a small lightning bolt above it.

BnHA 86

Hey, Tsu has a sister..?

Ah,so this is Mirko! I’ve heard of her too!

Is it just me, or does Endeavour hav CGI on him…?

Hawks reminds me of Fubuki from OPM…

Wow, even Endeavour’s trying to be funny…the world really is different now. (This humour has a terrible success rate with me, though.)

There seem to be holes in Hawks’ jackt for his wings.

So basically, Hawks is being the Iori to Endeavour’s Riku (but without too much of the homoerotic overtones that come from being close in age, since Endeavour is 46 – 7 and Hawks is 22), so to speak.

Oh! That punch is based on All Might’s! Same framing and everything!

Hajimari no doesn’t suggest a pronoun, so they must have chosen that based on the manga or the production company or something.

Magia Record 11

Shaft headtilt!

This Witch…apparently it appears early on in the OG series according to This Week in Anime. It does give off that vibe.

…wow, that fight was fast.

The video got encoded funny again…

Why are all the magical girls Naruto running???  

Hachibey = Kyubey (where kyu = 9), but for 8.

ACCA OVA

Who’s this-oh, never mind.

I don’t remember the OST being so…cool.

Jumo, where ju = tree I guss.

Nino! Who’s the blonde though? I forget…

Jumo for Jumoku…right. I forgot.

Shinro, literally “path of advancement”. I’ve grown a lot since I last watched ACCA, but I only feel I’ve gotten dumber since then…to be honest.

I like how the flashback is saturated in blue…actually, that reminds me of Given, now that I think of it.

Where’s Grossular? I liked him the best because he’s basically older!Kyosuke Kuga. Update: Spoke too soon.

Now that I’ve learnt keigo between the OG and now, I can understand more of what Mauve says.

Magia Record 12

(no notes, sorry!)

Magia Record 13 (FINAL)

Is it just me, or can I see a feather-like object floating down the screen…? (Or is that static?)

You can see one of the hooded Wings (on Touka’s left) has dark blue hair – roughly Sayaka’s shade.

Ooh, Mami and Sayaka fight! (I’ve never been one for catfights, but this is certainly a match-up I want to see!)

Mami’s fate really sucks, huh? Her head came off in the OG and now she’s a tool for the Magius…

Yachiyo does look a lot like Togo from Yuki Yuna, doesn’t she…?

Anyways, this is all for now. There’s an s2 on the horizon, but COVID-19 means it could be years down the line…see you when s2 arrives.

[paintingwithwords]

mother

I just found out that my mother died yesterday.  

We were not close.  We never were, not really.  We hadn’t spoken in over ten years and that was my choice.

She was 17 when she had me. When I was two months old, she left me at my grandmother’s house and ran away.  My grandmother raised me until I was 13.

I saw her a few times during my childhood, but not many.  Most of those times were very strained.  Like most children, I wanted her love and her approval, but I never got very much of either one.  Most of the time, she acted as though I annoyed her.  Yes, little kids can be annoying, I know this well, but I also remember how it hurt to have her push me away or to see her roll her eyes when I talked to her. It made it very hard to warm up to her when I eventually went to live with her.

Had my grandmother not had a heart attack, I don’t think she would have ever taken me in.  I remember hearing her discussing what to do with me with her two older brothers.  I overheard them arguing in my uncle’s den.  I remember them telling her that it was time for her to take responsibility and that they didn’t want it.  

It’s really hard being 13 years old and hearing that your family doesn’t want you and having no say over what happens to you now that the person who has cared for you can’t do it any longer.  

Her husband’s family didn’t even know of my existence.  They knew about my younger brother because she kept him.  She was embarrassed and ashamed that she’d had him when she was 19, so it’s really no wonder that she never mentioned me and tried to act like I didn’t exist.  

Shortly after I made the move from Houston to Austin and moved into her house, I overheard my mother, my stepfather, and my little brother in the living room, laughing.  I peeked around the corner and saw them all on the couch, a photo album spread out between them.  They were talking about the good old days, when it had been just the three of them.

I turned around and went back to my room and found another book to read.

My mother wasn’t pleased to have around.  When I was 14 and broke my finger in the park a few blocks from our house (I tried to do a cartwheel and found the sprinkler hidden in the grass), she told me it was just jammed and to go to sleep.

“If it still hurts in the morning,” she said, “I’ll take you to the doctor.”

I lay in bed that night with ice on my finger, waiting for dawn.  At first light, I woke her up and asked her to please take me to the doctor. My finger was swollen to twice its size and was purple.  She was so mad at me, making her miss a day of work.  She was a hairstylist and this meant that her clients would either have to rebook or have someone else do their hair that day.  She might lose some of them because of me.  I felt awful: I was tired and in pain and getting yelled at for being a kid.  I cried on the way there, but I didn’t make noise and I kept my head turned towards the window so she wouldn’t know.

I had a hairline fracture and got a finger splint.  My mother lost a day’s pay, but thankfully kept all her clients.

When I began writing at 15, I couldn’t wait to tell her.  She had written in high school too and I thought this would be something we could share, something that would help us draw closer to one another.  (Even then, I still craved my mother’s approval, like a drug.) 

I was wrong.

I can still see her face, her eyes narrowed and her mouth drawn up in a tight pucker.  She turned on me and said in a quiet, cold voice, “You know I wanted to write.”

“Yes,” I replied, but I already knew this wasn’t going to go the way I’d hoped.

“I was good,” she told me. She was seething.  “I could have been something, done something with my writing. But I had you instead.”

I felt so small.  All I wanted to do was go away and hide in my room, like I did so often.  But later, I was angry.  I fucked up her life?  I kept her from making something of herself?  How?  She didn’t keep me.  She left me when I was just an infant.  How was I responsible for the fact that she never did anything with her writing?

I could have called her on it, but I didn’t.  (I’ve always avoided conflict.  I apologize when I did no wrong to try to smooth things over, desperate to keep the peace.)  I stood there and took it and when she was done I scuttled away to my room and cried into my pillow.

But maybe… maybe if she saw what I wrote, maybe it would be okay.  Maybe she would come around.  Maybe that wound I’d inadvertently opened up would heal over and we’d be okay.

God, I was a fool.

I showed her a few things I’d written. She always took them, with an air about her like I was bothering her, and read them.  I stopped showing her my work when one day, halfway through a story I’d written, she threw the papers down on the counter and muttered, “Anne, when are you going to write anything that’s any good?”

Silently, I took the pages and retreated to my room.  I smoothed them out.  But instead of crying, I vowed that the next time she read a work of fiction I’d created, she’d have to buy it from a bookstore.

Spite is one hell of a drug.

When I was 17, she and my stepfather split.  I shocked them both when I said it was a good thing.  “All you two do is yell at each other.  Why are you together if all you do is fight?”

A week later, she moved out and got her own apartment on the other end of town.  A couple of weeks after that, my senior year of high school started.  My little brother and I stayed in the house with my stepfather.  

(Years later, once I had a child of my own, my mother confessed to me, “When Joe and I split up, I thought about asking you to move out with me…”

My heart soared!  I was elated!  My mother had wanted me? She’d never wanted me before—

“…because you had a job and could help pay rent.”

I was still riding the high of knowing she’d wanted me when the weight of her words crushed me.  She’d only wanted my money.  My teenaged, minimum-wage, fast food job money.

After we got off the phone, I cried.  I held my infant daughter and I wailed like a child.)

A couple of weeks into my senior year, my stepfather threw me out.  I mouthed off to him and he told me to get out.  So I did.  I stayed with friends, got a boyfriend and moved in with him, and still somehow or another managed to graduate from high school.  And with honors, at that.

A few years later, we began to talk again.  For a while, things were good.  But it didn’t last.  She came to see me as a rival in all things, even saying to me at one point, “Anne, does it bother you that I’m more intelligent that you, more attractive than you, and I can compete with you on the same level?”

I was floored.  Your mother is never supposed to say something like that to you.  EVER.

All I could say was, “What?”

She laughed and patted me on the knee.  “Oh, it does,” she said.  “I’m sorry.”

But she wasn’t.  She thought I liked a guy and she made a play for him.  Never mind the fact that he was 2 years younger than me...  

And that set everything else into motion.

That happened when I was 25.  It was four years before I finally entered therapy.  I was supposed to go to her house for Mother’s Day, but a couple of days beforehand, I called her up and apologized.

“Hey, would it be okay if I skipped Mother’s Day this time?  I’m in therapy and I’m dealing with some really hard stuff right now.”

She laughed at me.  “Yeah, it’s okay,” she said.  “It’s not like we’ll never see one another again.”

But it was.  I knew I had to make a clean break, that to keep in contact with her was to continue to allow myself to be poisoned and manipulated. Members of that side of the family have turned the guilt trip into an art form.

When I had my child, I knew I wanted to talk to my mother again, but that I had to keep her at a distance. I had no desire to let her get inside my daughter’s head.  I never let her know where we lived.  I never went to go see her.  She never saw my daughter.  And now…

Now she never will.

Don’t ask me how I feel about that.  I’m still processing.  

A year ago, my daughter came to me and told me she had a few ideas for a story.  She came to me while I was making dinner.  Poor thing: she was so nervous.  I hugged her and let her know how happy I was that she had found this creative outlet.  

“That’s fantastic!” I said to her.  “Tell me about your story.”

It’s a ritual for us now. We talk about plot twists in our stories while I make dinner.  There are times when it’s a bit overwhelming and I have to tell her to throttle down a little (she’s 15 and excitable, okay?) and there are things about my stories that I don’t tell her, but I don’t want to cut off those lines of communication.

I’m not a perfect mother.  There’s no such thing. I screw up.  But I often use my experiences with my mother as a model for what not to do.  It’s the only model I have and I don’t want to go down that road with my own daughter.

Right now, I don’t know how I feel.  I feel hollow, numb, and at the same time angry.  But I also feel liberated.  We’re free. I’m free.  She can’t hurt us anymore.  She can’t hurt me anymore.

I won.  But God, why did it have to be a fucking war in the first place?

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence, short 7--Burnout

Recovery is a tedious, nonlinear process. Demyx, Ienzo, and the others living in Radiant Garden's castle have to learn to come to terms with their pasts and their memories, learn to grow, and begin to understand what, exactly, it means to be human. While there is unexpected joy in this, there is also unexpected sorrow.

A series of loosely interconnected oneshots set after Beyond this Existence. Zemyx (Demyx/Older!Ienzo), roughly canon-compliant

Current short: “Burnout.” A tough patient causes Demyx to burn out, which raises some questions as to why he's turned to healing in the first place.

Timeline: at least six months after chapter 19.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

----

Kaila’s baby was healthy.

It had been a big deal when she was born--it was the first live birth Radiant Garden had seen since the Fall. The world was stable enough that people had the confidence to begin families. Aerith had been abuzz about the pregnancy since the young woman came to them. Demyx had been there for the birth, the vaccinations. Seeing the little girl, now three months old, did give him hope. He wasn’t sure if he and Ienzo would ever have a family in the traditional sense--maybe they’d get a cat first--but he was happy that other people were ready for that step. A new generation, divorced from fear, living in safety. It was almost too good to be true.

Kaila’s baby was healthy. Kaila wasn’t doing so hot. The birth had fractured some of the vertebrae in her spine, pinching her nerves and making it hard to walk. It was the sort of thing that required repeat treatment to regenerate and strengthen the nerves, which was something he was still grasping. Aerith had left the new mother in his “very competent” hands to go run soup over to old Mrs. Fletcher.

Demyx wasn’t doing so hot either.

He’d felt sick all day, though vaguely so--a little nauseous, a little headachey, and so on. Self-diagnosis was a slippery slope, and the symptoms were way too common to mean anything. “How do you feel now?” Demyx asked her.

“My toe’s still tingly, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.” The woman flexed her foot.

It didn’t help that this was a high cost spell. The more involved things were, the more energy it cost. If he did it poorly, he’d have spent that magic for nothing, and left the patient still sick or in pain. Healing cuts? Cost nothing. Tedious nerve reconstruction, from the base of the spine all the way down the legs? Lots of stress, and he was feeling it; sweat was beading under his arms. “Let me see if I can fix that.”

He felt at Kaila’s aura. Her energy was strong, and tired from spending sleepless nights with the newborn, though he could sense her happiness. He found her spine, down to the place where the break had occurred. Directing the energy and urging it to heal felt like pushing through half-dry concrete. Down the thighs, the knees. A wave of dizziness washed over him, and his concentration broke. He fought the urge to swear. Start again. Aura, spine, hips, thighs, knees--

“I think it’s working. Is it supposed to feel warm?”

Did she have to say something? He tried to smile. “Yeah, that’s the spell taking effect.” He was feeling woozier still.

“You okay?” She frowned.

It wasn’t her fault, Demyx reminded himself. She didn’t know how tiring this was. One more time. Aura, spine, hips--

He could feel the nerve endings, each so distinct and fine, like a filament. He pushed a little harder, through a steady-growing pain in his chest, to the very edge of her foot. But getting there was only half the battle--the energy had to be held so it could do its work. Kaila remained silent, still. The back of Demyx’s mouth tasted raw. This wasn’t good, but there was no point dropping everything now when he was so close to helping this person.

The sense of heaviness eased from her aura. She wiggled her foot. “It’s gone! You did it.”

Demyx had to actively focus to stay pleasantly smiling, to not hurl all over the floor. “Come on over if anything changes,” he said.

“Thank goodness. You have no idea how frustrating it’s been. Like feeling white noise all the time.”

“I’m sure.”

She got off of the treatment table. “Everyone thinks you’re doing great, you know. I’m so happy Aerith has a partner now.”

The dizziness was worsening. As casually as possible, he leaned against the now vacant table, fighting the urge to collapse onto it.

Kaila reached into her pocket. “This is for you.” She tried to press the money into his hand.

“You don’t have to--”

“Take it. Please. You must at least need to buy supplies. I wouldn’t give it if we didn’t have it.”

“Thank you.” He set the money aside and tried to breathe.

“No, thank you. And if you don’t mind me saying, you look like you could use a little bit of a break.” She frowned.

“I’ll be fine. It’s an intense spell, is all.”

“Well I surely appreciate it. You have a good day now.”

Demyx watched her leave. He sat on the table and rested his head in his hands. His vision was swimming. Why did he feel so shitty? This wasn’t the normal low-magic exhaustion. The wooziness washed over him in little waves. Where was Aerith? How long did it take to drop off some soup? She’d have an answer. She always had an answer.

He felt so… incompetent. Would he even be half as good as her? He could barely handle the exhaustion--he’d almost snapped at Kaila. He was supposed to be the one in control. Aerith was finally starting to trust him to work unsupervised. And this was how he was handling it?

There had to be something he could take to feel better. What were his symptoms again? Nausea, dizziness, exhaustion, headache, chest pain? Or was it indigestion? Sometimes it was a side-effect of magic use. What would help all that, or some of it? Ginger, for the nausea, willow bark for the pain, maybe a mild anti-inflammatory? Was this also dehydration?

Demyx stood, to cross over to the medicine cabinet, but his knees gave out and his vision abruptly went dark.

The next thing he was aware of was the cool floor against his cheek, and the smell of something bitter. “There you are. Hi.”

If anything, he felt worse than before, like he was full of sludge.

Aerith crouched next to him, a bottle of smelling salts in one hand. “Come on. Up we go.” Gentle. Soothing. Her patient voice.

Moving was not a great idea. She eased him up on the table and handed him an empty mixing bowl just in time for him to be sick into it.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone. That was a lapse in judgement on my part. I’m sorry.” She took the sick away from him. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Well--Kaila left--”

Her eyebrows shot up. “You fixed Kaila?”

Why was she saying that as though it were a bad thing? “Yes?”

Aerith exhaled. “There’s a reason I didn’t heal her all at once. That’d be a challenge even for my stamina. I thought you were getting low, but you must be completely empty.”

“...Empty?”

“I thought you’d been pushing yourself too hard, but you never complained, so--” She crossed over to the cabinet and started grabbing a couple of things. “You burnt yourself out, that’s all. Use too much magic and you actually end up eating into your own metabolism. Kind of like a super mild version of what happened to Ienzo.”

“How do we fix it?” Demyx was feeling nauseous again.

“Can’t so much as fix it as treat the symptoms.” She frowned. “I should’ve kept a better eye on you. You’re still finding the balance. I’m sorry, but these next few days are going to really suck. Why don’t you lay down? I’ll get you some tea.”

He was too weak to do anything but listen. He felt her toss a blanket over him, sweet clean wool. He really was so tired. Lying here felt so odd, and off.

“Sleep for a little while,” she said.

He slept so heavily and instantaneously that he wondered if she might have knocked him out herself, but this wasn’t Aerith’s usual MO. Demyx woke in his bed, of all places, feeling more or less like animated garbage. Opening his eyes was almost too much; the light was bright and piercing.

“Well good morning sunshine,” Ienzo said coolly. He sat in the chair at the bedside, a book in his lap and several on the dresser.

“...Oh, you’re mad,” he said. His voice was hoarse and very soft.

“Moreso frustrated. And that frustration is born from worry.” He reached over and took Demyx’s hand. “I think it’s a touch hypocritical that you criticize me for overwork, and yet you collapse on the job.”

“To be fair, it wasn’t on the job. The job had already walked out the door.”

Ienzo sighed. “How do you feel?”

“Like the dead. How long have I been out?”

“The better part of two days.”

Demyx sat up slowly. Nothing seemed to have straight lines. Ienzo handed him a glass of water and a pill he knew Aerith had made.

“She said, and I quote, “prepare for the worst hangover of your life.” Unfortunately the only cure for it is rest.” He shook his head. “I may not be a healer, but at least I have basic nursing skills.”

Despite a sour stomach, the water went down easily. Demyx tasted something minty in the pill. “A hangover with none of the fun.”

“...Quite.”

“Sorry. I’m guessing this hasn’t been a cakewalk.”

“You vomited several times in your sleep. Hence my vigil.”

Demyx flinched. “Yikes. And you stayed?”

Ienzo rolled his eyes. “I have a surprising tolerance for the gross. Especially when it comes to you.”

“Gee, thanks.” He leaned back a little against the pile of pillows. “Have you gotten any sleep?”

“Some. Don’t turn this back on me.”

Demyx wrinkled his nose.

Ienzo sighed. He took Demyx’s hand, tracing its shape. “I see no reason to chastise you when you know what went wrong,” he said. “But I wonder...  why did you do it?”

The medicine was easing the nausea and dizziness, but at the same time made him feel somewhat loopy. “These people, they need… help.”

“They’ve gotten by without you. They can do it again. At least for a few days.”

Demyx shook his head. “She’s finally started to trust me.”

“Your competence has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve started to put them before yourself. I’m proud that your capacity for empathy has grown so, but at the same time, Demyx, is that what this is really about?” He leaned forward, trying to catch his gaze.

Maybe it was because he felt so shitty. His eyes were watering.

“I’m trying to understand it,” Ienzo said. “You stopped therapy so suddenly after what happened in the basement, but I’m not sure that means you’ve healed.”

If he weren’t so weak he would have pulled away.

“I think you’ve thrown yourself into this so headlong to avoid having to deal with your own pain. It might be guilt, too. You help them because you couldn’t help the others.”

“Is this what you’ve thought about the past two days?”

“Well--yes.” Ienzo took off his reading glasses. “But you and I are, at our core, more similar than we thought. We’ll do anything to salve the pain. You know. You don’t have to put up a front of recovery.”

“But you’re okay.” His voice broke. “I just want to be--”

Ienzo pressed his forehead against Demyx’s. “You’re healing. And that’s enough. It’s not quick. It’s not perfect. And it’s certainly not going to be the same as me. As I,” he corrected. “You’ve changed my grammar, you know that?”

He smiled despite the onslaught of tears. Ienzo pulled him close. He felt so horrible that for a few minutes he let himself cry and be babied. He was reminded of the early days of their relationship, when he was so starved of affection and touch that it was cathartic. This was, in a way, its own relief; the pressure he’d been putting himself under was completely arbitrary. He tried to tell himself that, at least.

It wasn’t guilt so much as… well… what he was worth. He understood he’d been manipulated and taken advantage of and he understood that the awful things he’d done were his responsibility. But for so long Demyx had been a pawn in a bigger game where the gamemaster was always shifting. He was no longer unmoored, but he wasn’t stable, either. Healing people was something to hold onto, a constant, a goal to work towards. Music wasn't so forgiving. Music made him think inwardly, which was now ceaselessly complicated.

He'd done the only thing he knew how, after ages of apathy and laziness; he'd made himself useful. He told Ienzo as much. “If I helped with Xehanort, and I help these people, that has to make this worth it, right? That has to make me worth it?”

Ienzo looked almost startled. “You needn’t destroy yourself to justify your own existence. Especially since you understand morality. You… you told me as much.”

“I thought it would be enough.”

“What?”

“I just…” He grit his teeth, swallowing a sob. “I’m supposed to be happy.  I’m human, I have you, I have Arpeggio, I have these bonds with people and yet I… I feel like an impostor.”

“I do, too,” Ienzo said softly.

“And as much as I tell myself that it’s okay to feel this way, or whatever, I don’t know how people don’t see it’s all…”

“A ruse?”

“It feels that way. Like someone’s going to take it all. Like I’m going to wake up and it’s all gone. So I guess that’s why.”

He blinked. “Why what?”

“Healing people. Pushing so hard. Trying to leave a mark of kindness so this pain isn’t for nothing.”

“But you have to express such emotion healthily. Or else this happens.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Ienzo’s expression went, abruptly, blank, and while he didn’t physically pull away from Demyx, he could feel the walls go up.

Demyx exhaled sharply. “I’m sorry, that was mean--”

The tension eased slightly. “No. You’re right. I… I don’t know how.”

“I don’t either.”

“All this reading, all this study of psychology. I know what is considered healthy. But I don’t know how to do it myself.”

“I guess…” Demyx settled back against the pillows. “I guess, it’s like, what feels the most right. Not good. But right. Like, you know, puking feels right, but not good.”

“You’re still nauseous?”

“Very.”

Ienzo sighed. He smiled, but it was small, and sad. “If only there were some way to purge emotionally.”

“Well. Talking, mostly.” Demyx doubted there was anything left in his stomach to empty, but he swallowed down the excess spit in his mouth.

“Yes. You are right. Maybe we should both go back to… talking through things.”

“I think we need to.”

Ienzo leaned against the mattress. “Since what happened in the basement I do feel quite a lot better, but things still linger. I think this will take some time.”

“Yeah. It will.”

“Can I lie down with you? Or do you feel too ill?”

“I’m not going to puke on you, if that’s what you’re asking.” He lifted the covers and Ienzo crawled under. The touch soothed him and took his mind off of his various miseries. “It’s hard to be patient. After waiting so long.”

“For humanity?”

“Stability. What have you.”

“I agree.” Ienzo looped his arms loosely around Demyx’s waist. “At least we’re not alone in this.”

He breathed in Ienzo’s clean, slightly sweet smell. “Ienzo?”

“Yes?”

“Do you want to get a cat?”

[madscientistjournal]

Fiction: In Communion with the Invisible Flock: Erasmus Karl and the Nidificant Manuscript

An essay by Luisa Sontag, as provided by George Salis Art by Leigh Legler

“If thy heart were a nest, thou would begat many birds.” –The Purloined Philosophia by Boris of Aventaria

There has been much controversy, even mythology, surrounding the so-called “nidificant manuscript.” A few notables, including the biolinguist Norman Mast, have clamored to call it “an anachronistic masterpiece of scientific literature” (34), suggesting it has been passed down to us from the future, or an alternate past. Many others have deemed the work “a hoax of adolescent caliber” (Mare 25). But by studying the work and delineating its influence on human society, we can say that the truth exists somewhere between fantastic worship and ignorant dismissal. First of all, we know that this some 1,600-page manuscript was composed in the early 19th century by the naturalist, or “supernaturalist,” Erasmus Karl, and details the existence of a species of bird-human that inhabits an archipelago called the Beak-born Islands. A number of its pages include baroque maps of the islands in question, along with illustrations of alien flora and fauna and, most importantly and prominently, the winged beings themselves.

This year marks the 150th anniversary since the first bottle, containing a page of Karl’s manuscript, was discovered, specifically between the pincers of a bleached crab on the coast of Budva, Montenegro. This, the method in which Karl “published” the manuscript, has only added to the idiosyncrasy that has either converted or disgusted relevant experts. Each and every page was rolled into its own bottle and cast into the sea. During the intervening century and a half, around a dozen bottles washed ashore on all countries with a seaside (their contents now published en masse for the first time). The bottles were molded with aid of fire from a translucent shell later identified in the manuscript as a “Clay Conch, a most copious & convenient Resource of Nature.” Ascertaining the location of the archipelago based on the appearance of the bottles has proved to be impossible, and the results obtained by oceanographers inexplicably suggest that the islands are capable of nautical mobility, like a flock, perhaps with occasional murmurations. Because bottled pages are still being discovered almost every month, the nidificant manuscript is most definitely incomplete, its prospective length up for debate. Some have purported that an infinite number of bottles will find their way to land, that they will continue to do so far after human civilization is but dust.

~

The Wind Calleth: A Brief Biography of Erasmus Karl

Before I begin my exploration of the manuscript and its influence on human society, I find it necessary to relate what is known of Erasmus Karl’s life. Born in the Netherlands circa 1770, his mother was appalled at newborn baby Karl’s full head of white feathery hair, his thin, elongated body, and the downy web between his taloned fingertips. She blamed the sins of the unknown father, while others whispered that Karl’s appearance was the byproduct of a professionally prurient mother. Regardless of their origin, the unfortunate mutations condemned Karl as an outcast, something to be shooed, ogled, or at best tolerated. It wasn’t long until young Karl despised his reflection, taking extreme measures to change it, as is written in his unpublished journals. First he shorn his hair, which highlighted his teardrop-shaped skull, then he filed his fingernails, sometimes with such desperation that he exposed and bloodied the nail beds, and finally he searched for a type of glove that could hide the finger webbings. Deeming the search futile, he excised the vein-thin skin as if it were the film on a Dutch custard. He bled profusely the first time, but afterward it was merely a matter of maintaining the V-shaped scabs.

Aside from his repelling physical characteristics, Karl was a relatively normal and healthy young boy, until, later in school, he became obsessed with nests, spurred by one he had witnessed being constructed outside his bedroom window. He was amazed to see it built with not just twigs and leaves, but clothespins, apple slices, strands of a stranger’s hair, the string from a cup-and-ball, and other miscellaneous objects. The peculiarity of it inspired him to craft his own nests, which he planted, waiting for random birds to make them home. Impatient, he began to track down authentic nests in trees and the nooks of buildings and replace them with his synthetic ones. Some of his nests resembled the real thing, while others were of odd shapes, pyramids and Klein bottles, or made from strange materials, such as quasicrystals and gaseous gelatins. He was compelled to record the birds’ reactions to their new homes. Some of them simply moved elsewhere, while others were driven to infanticide, either eating their younglings or dashing their unhatched shells against rocks. He was further horrified to discover that sphere-shaped nests of chlorophyll caused the birds’ wings to deteriorate into stubs but was later pleased to determine that alabaster dodecahedrons produced birds with wingspans up to five feet. Other nests also seemed to have a positive effect, causing the inhabitants to sing more beautifully, to love their chirping chicks more so than ever before.

Being neglected by his mother, and without a father, the young Karl couldn’t help but wonder why humans didn’t live in similar nests of compassion, and through some such lines of logic he extrapolated that certain humans do live in those nests, bird-humans that exist in isolation from the rest of the world, on top of a mountain higher than Olympus, or on an island better concealed than Atlantis. Thereafter, he dedicated his time to further study of all birds while simultaneously looking for clues as to the whereabouts of the theoretical bird-humans, whom he soon thought of as his vanished ancestors.

Hence the term “nidificant manuscript,” the adjective coming from the Latin nīdificāre, meaning “to nest” or “to build a nest,” the impetus of his life’s work. There is an irony here, in which the curse is also the gift, or vice versa. This is embodied most of all in events that occurred in the final years of Karl’s formal education. Bullying became a constant impediment to Karl’s mental stability. When required to change into athletic wear, the other boys gagged at Karl’s mangled hands, smacked him on his goose-pimpled scalp, and poked him between his peninsular ribs. They spread rumors, asserting that his mother never carried him in her belly, but incubated a yellow-spotted egg for nine months, after having performed coitus with a chicken. Enveloped in that negative atmosphere, an incident brewed. Some said Karl wanted to defy the rumors, transcend them, while others said he wanted to reinforce them, integrate them as a form of truth. Whatever his beliefs or intentions at the time, he found himself standing at the edge of the school building’s roof and, after yelling something, he jumped off, falling two stories as he flapped his phalanges. The webbing between his fingers had been regrown, which suggests experiment on Karl’s part, yet a few witnesses reported that he was thrown off by a group of bullies and had no desire to fly. After being carried on a stretcher to the hospital, he was diagnosed with a broken hip and a slight fracture of the femur. During his bedridden months following an operation, he would repeat the following phrase, sometimes in a slow whisper, other times so loudly and quickly it sounded less like words and more like squawking: “The Wind calleth!” “The Wind calleth!” Such is also what he presumably shouted before his failed “experiment.” One of the nurses claimed that when she put an ear to his bedroom door during those more boisterous moments of layered chanting, the birds outside his window squawked in response, initiating conversations that ceased the second she knocked.

It is thought that those cross-species conversations provided the first clues Karl needed to find the bird-humans (whom he subsequently labeled Homo sapiens avis: “wise bird man”). Not much is known of his life after he recovered from his fall. He did drop out of school in favor of more private research, and afterward his mother formally disowned him, wanting to distance herself as much as possible from his reputation for eccentric and anti-social behavior. He was rarely seen outside the wooden dome he built for himself at the edge of the forest. The few papers he attempted to publish in those early years are lost. We know only the title of one as it appeared in a letter of rejection: “The Nidus & the Fowl: Mutations of Mind & Body by way of Avian Architecture.” A decade later, in 1801, Karl’s “nest” was noticed as dilapidated by curious locals, who peered inside to find a mass of miasmic ingredients and piles of hastily scribbled notes, some of which might have contained proto-maps. Tucked in the walls of the nest as if part of the very structure were items pilfered or “recycled,” such as human hair, newspapers, jewelry, and a pair of dirty women’s underwear. There was no sign of Karl himself. Astounded and infuriated, the locals thought the nest a bastion of black magic and quickly burned it. They also assumed that the witchery had consumed the practitioner, that a cacodaemon snatched Karl from his bed at night. In truth, once Karl’s preliminary research was completed, he left for the Beak-born Islands, an archipelago consisting of four large islands and some thirteen islets. Viewed from above, they vaguely form the shape of a bird’s beak.

It is a mystery as to how Karl made it to the Beak-born Islands, though some allege that for part of his journey, he sailed with the crew of an unnamed British schooner, where he learned English. Whether true or not, it is generally believed that he never left the archipelago. As I will explain in detail later, the Beak-born Islands were his one true home, his “rapturous Nest” (47). Reinforcing the settlement theory, Karl became proficient in their immensely difficult language: “Subsequently bonding with these avian Beings as though I too were bless’d with Wings, I learn’d Their Language, a coalescence of shrill & protract’d Clicks, but with myriad Quavers & what can only be describ’d as Loops & Spirals, tallying a Complexity unheard of in any contemporary Language. Aye, One could only do these Beings Justness by chronicling Them in Their own sacr’d Tongue” (vi-vii). Which explains why some of the manuscript’s pages include cryptographic ink marks consisting of curlicues, crests and troughs, and hypnotic helixes. Translators have yet to decipher them. But, as we will see, even though we can read a majority of the manuscript, it still births many more questions than it answers.

~

Begetting Many Birds: The Winged Beings and their Influence on Human Society

Some of the questions that the manuscript creates are due to the nature of history, others the nature of science. Yet most, perhaps, are the product of the nature of Nature. For example, it remains to be determined as to why, throughout the manuscript, we are given numerous descriptions and illustrations of the beings’ wings, all of which contradict each other: “The foremost Magnetism of Their pseudo-primitive Rituals were indubitably the arcing Wings, resplendent with feather’d Colors the like of which no Man has ever laid Eyes upon” (261), “& when They alight on the sheer Tips of Their two-digit’d Feet They fold Their iridescent, scaly Wings & seem well-nigh Human, for as cumbersome as the Appendages may appear, they are afford’d the Ability to retract into two large vertical sun-on-the-horizon-shap’d cavities in the Back, flanking the spik’d Spine” (333-334), “To my Dismay, some of Them Drown’d in the Waters betwixt Land–in what could only be christen’d as Rivulets in contrast to the mighty Ocean that enclos’d Them, isolat’d them from all Civilizations. Such Calamities were ow’d to the tuft-laden Nubs which were so infantile in Structure, though mature in their Growth. These superficially suppress’d Extremities only permitt’d Them to drift diminutive Distances, to fleetingly hover forward” (455-456), and “In Stretches of Jubilation They were beheld to fly as high as the Sun itself, encircl’d in the Incandescence, Their Wings the extent of a mythological Bird, fleck’d with fiery Eyes” (999).

In the context of these quotations, evolution is neither discussed nor acknowledged, and we are led to believe that every being possessed every type of wing, although not exactly simultaneously. One colleague of mine conjectured that time in this archipelago is not like we know it, that the experience of time is disjointed, perhaps utterly capricious. Even physicists are uncertain as to whether our Laws are universal in the ultimate meaning of the word. If this hypothesis of chaotic time is true, then Karl observed the evolution of wings in a relatively brief period but processed the gradualism as a stasis. This evolution must have been guided heavily by the development of their nests’ structure, descriptions of which also suffer from contradiction: “Their Nests, which grac’d the tops of decapitat’d Trees, were hierarchical, bas’d upon the breadth & altitude of said Trees, with the Dimensions of the Throne Nest rivaling the almightiest Redwood” (200), “Evoking the Greek Phoenix, They slumber’d in domestic Groupings within grandiose Campfires, roosting upon the heat’d Coals in Symbiosis, for those Coals were the Backs of Combustible Crabs, who were also commission’d in Spells of Conflict” (606), and “Never had I beheld such gargantuan Leaves, affix’d to such slender Stalks. Sounder than Diamond, the wing’d Beings carv’d Spears from them. I was further mystifi’d when I hearken’d to how Winds, lac’d with twilit Sea Salt, caus’d the bamboo Trunks to knell, soaping the Air with soporific if inhuman Mantras. More like Flies than Birds, They made Homes of the Leaves’ Undersides, adhering with a viscous Substance that secret’d from both Palms & Soles” (1,122-1,123). For this reason, and others previously mentioned, chronology in the manuscript as a whole is defied. What the reader sees published is but one construction of many possibilities, a snapshot of the flock in flight, as it were.

Of course, another question is: Why did the bird-humans–if capable of flight, depending on the type of wing they possessed at a given time–remain only on the Beak-born Islands? Why did they not migrate to other lands, make contact with human civilization? According to Karl:

Their Religion bequeath’d to Them the Knowledge that Nothing exist’d beyond Their Islands & Sprinkle of Islets. As such, They believ’d I arriv’d from either Above or Below. I was either Mole or Swallow. Devil or Angel, if you will. To divine my Color They subject’d me to a Trial. They serv’d me a Bowl of Their own gourmet Delicacy, White Worms, which I willingly ate out of Respect, & dare conclude their Flavor was akin to spic’d Raisins. Such a Worm, I later learn’d, is pestilential to the Mole Stomach. Afterward, They slic’d my Palm with a Clay Conch Blade, taking turns at tasting my Blood. They seem’d repuls’d at first, Their Owl Eyes flaring more so, Their Heads revolving 180 Degrees & back again, but it must have been the Rush of the Aftertaste that made Them Hoot with Hedonism. ‘Uh-Uh-Above!’ (8-9)

Aside from Karl, there is the possibility that contact between humans and the winged strangers occurred again, although much later, and in the unlikeliest of locales. One might say, in heaven. (An earlier and quite different encounter, one of both confrontation and conviviality, will be mentioned later.) To understand, we must learn more from Karl about their beliefs and intentions:

As much as They play’d & pierc’d the Clouds from within, Their Kind had more than mere nubivagant Tendencies. Rather, They worshipp’d the Stars, longing to fly amongst them, to fertilize the scintillating Surfaces like a Bee upon the Flower, for Their Conception of those distant Dots of Light was akin to an infinite Meadow in which the Center of Flowers coruscat’d o’er altitudinous Realms, and thus beckon’d, perchance even taunt’d, the Beings to Pinnacles anew. Legend had it, One of Their Populace did indeed sunder the Surface of the Sky & found Herself floating among the Stellar Flowers. Her Constellation, eponymously nam’d ¡Khoro[1], is delineat’d by Seven Stars, One of which is Man’s Northern, thus She was subsum’d within that Meadow of the Cosmos. Other Acolytes were martyr’d but not beatifi’d in the same Manner. Flapping through the Spheres of the Sky, They would succumb to the Wintriness & fall back as icy Gargoyles, shattering upon an Island or buoying in the Sea ’til They liquefi’d into crystal-ridden Spume. Naturally, They mourn’d Their Dead & would orchestrate aerial Funerals, prancing & pirouetting at such a colossal Elevation that They resembl’d Motes in a Glass of Water. Using Clay Conches or other sundry Materials, grieving Mothers would jar a modest Portion of the Sea a Day after a frozen Martyr fell into it, Their equivalent of Ashes in an Urn. (78-79)

The winged beings’ propensity for spacefaring might explain the “vision” astronaut J.P. Torring claimed to have witnessed while on the moon for Apollo 14. Ridiculed and disbelieved by friends, family, and most of the public, Torring explained what he saw in an interview, “I’d call it, you know, like one of those damned harpies. Something, you know … something your parents might scare the bejesus out of you with to make you behave. A damned big closet monster with … with tiger claws, chicken feet, you know, and wings made of alloy or something. It looked part machine as much as poultry. But with, oh gosh … with a human face” (39). According to Torring, the bird-human stared him down with equal parts fear and curiosity, before beating its wings in a storm of moon dust and heading for the stars. Unfortunately, Torring’s fellow astronauts did not corroborate his story. For a period after that infamous interview, people across the U.S. and some abroad claimed to have been bound in their beds, gagged with silver powder, and sat on by chromium angels, although such claims of abduction or visitation are dismissed by skeptics as frauds and delusions. Amateur astronomers also interpreted at that time certain spectral data as vast fleets of them soaring between galaxies in the formation of a luminous arrowhead a thousand earths wide, but this scientific conclusion is controversial (Krasznahorkai 24-59).

It wasn’t long until young Karl despised his reflection, taking extreme measures to change it, as is written in his unpublished journals.

Controversy seems inseparable from any notion of the bird-humans, however distant in relation or idea, as with their method of copulation. Karl explains that sexual intercourse was never a taboo in that isolated society. Rather, they indulged quite often in a variety of positions, many familiar, if not shunned or banned, by human civilization. Yet only a specific sexual act produced offspring, whereas the rest existed for pleasure’s sake. In no sparse prose does Karl illuminate the bizarre act:

Much like the Red-tail’d Hawk, They would Woo each Other by flying in Circles, Triangles, & Hexagons. The Male & Female both would dive steeply & rise steeply. O, Gloriousness! Then, when the Volition struck at the Center of Their Souls, They would hold feather’d Hands, entangle Talon’d Feet, & dive in a Blur of phantasmal Colors, pecking each Other’s Cheeks & Beaks with love-saturat’d Smeerkins. But, O Foulness!, not all Unions end’d in unanimous Life. If, perchance, They become too enraptur’d in Rapture to perceive impending Ground, such Soul-dives on Occasion result’d in a bespatter’d Death for the Lovers. Yet, O Propitiousness!, an inseminat’d Egg would still hatch & rise as a human Phoenix, not from the Ashes, but from the Gore of the Hatchling’s Progenitors, Born an Orphan. These strange & estrang’d Offspring, who possess’d a crimson Complexion, were treat’d as Lepers by the rest of Their Kith & Kin, forc’d to fend for Themselves or form minuscule Factions with a more savagely-inclin’d Temperament, enduring on the Edges of Islets. Contrariwise, a Child born from a Soul-dive which end’d with a Plunge in the Ocean would be a Child Born to different & deeper Doom. Though lungless at the Moment of Conception, come Accouchement its Lungs would be chock-full of Seawater. O, ill-fat’d! A Child born Drown’d. (171)

Somehow, this way of lovemaking has thrice seeped into human society in the form of controversy as much as tragedy. An obscure French filmmaker named Absolon Dubois, who begrudged and attempted to compete with Georges Méliès, can be credited with making one of the first pornographic films. Yet it wasn’t his intention to be lewd. Rather, he thought the film a “testament to pure science,” and based the premise on what he deemed, without elaboration, a “divine source material” (Oro 10). Titled In the Sky of the Tesseractyles, it was shown at the brink of a millennium in 1898 to an elite audience of intellectuals. The actors in the film, devoid of clothes, hang upside down by well-concealed wires. With a vertical scrolling sky of painted clouds in the background, the pairs thrust in and out of each other as a wind-machine from below blows their hair and wings about. Some of the pairs screech sweet nothings to their mates in the form of clicks and whoops that a linguist in the audience later called “ethereal Morse code, as mesmerizing as it is unintelligible” (18). Starting with cirrus and continuing through stratus, the green-brushed ground finally appears, but rather than creating nests of gore, a substitution splice allows the death-diving bird-humans to disappear in a plume of blue-stained smoke. The scene then transitions to a close-up of a golden egg branded with sacred geometry. A time-lapse of the hatching reveals a newborn baby boy with an albatross’ beak for a mouth. There the film ends. Many praised the uncanny wings of the actors, which were made of glass and contained a representation of four dimensions or higher, a tesseract in wing form. One viewer, a distinguished physicist, said the “wings have more than a life of their own, they have the Cosmos in their curvature” (18). A paleontologist, who sat in the back and scrutinized the film with the aid of a monocle, was stuck on what he called the “terrible pterodactyl pun. These humanoid birds are anything but similar to my winged reptiles,” although he later admitted that “the film has penetrated my dreams in ways that the bones of prehistoric monsters never could” (19). Almost a year later, Dubois was found dead in his home, any sign of foul play absent on his body, but with the incinerated work of a sequel four feet from his outstretched hand. Méliès was interrogated by the police but presented a viable alibi, leaving the circumstances of Dubois’ death forever ambiguous, his cinematic potential snuffed.

Upon rediscovery, Absolon Dubois’ In the Sky of the Tesseractyles was shown in 1930 on a week-long loop at a gallery of cinema in lower Manhattan. Perhaps inspired by the film, a rash of romantic suicide pacts occurred, wherein nude couples tipped themselves over a steel rib of the Empire State Building’s embryonic skeleton, tumbling while linked at the loins. Later, the same style of self-slaughter transpired on September 11, 2001, in which co-working lovers undressed themselves, embraced each other, and dove from the tower into funnels of fire-flaked smoke, their intertwined bodies an expression of life and love against the presence of cult-inspired death. While writing this paper, a colleague brought to my attention a missing page of the Kama Sutra, recently discovered, that describes the “upside-down lovers, suspended in wind,” whose sexual organs were secondary to the “tumescent wings of their hollow spines” (69). Love between souls, claims the text, is fully realized in this mystical position, during which “all else dissolves” (70).

Yet for all the influences from the society of bird-humans that I have noted, the most clandestine and far-reaching is found in Charles Darwin’s seminal work. Readers might find the following quote familiar: “There is Grandeur in this Way of Life, with its avian Powers, having been originally breath’d into a few Forms or into One; & that, whilst this Planet has ignorantly gone cycling on according to the fix’d Laws that Man knows, from so simple & hidden a Beginning endless Wings most beautiful & most wonderful have been, & are being, Evolv’d” (1,631). This is the final paragraph of, not On the Origin of Species, but the published arrangement of Karl’s manuscript (and the only time Karl mentions evolution, which suggests that he may have adapted to the islands’ nature of chaotic time, in mind as well as body, a phenomenon described later). A paragraph which Darwin, were he still alive, would have to answer to. That is, if the similarity were to be taken at face value. Far from plagiarism, a different story is told in Karl’s manuscript:

Due to the Essence of the Beak-born Islands, I am certain that if a Man had discover’d Them, he must in some Capacity be Pure of Mind & Heart. However, as in the Mythologies of bygone Civilizations, there exists Techniques to sneak into Utopia. Thus, when an Eagle-ey’d Sentinel station’d at One of the Wind Towers first spi’d the Beagle on the Skyline, He warn’d the Fowl Lord, who then command’d His Flock to assume the long-practic’d Formations, encloaking Themselves in Their chameleon Wings, proficiently camouflag’d with the Texture of Stones. While many masquerad’d Themselves as the inanimate Landscape, Others imbib’d shamanic Potions which shape-shift’d Them into Mockingbirds, Giant Tortoises, & most disgusting, clumsy Lizards. When the Man who identifi’d himself as Darwin came ashore, I was strangely unsurpris’d to find that he resembl’d me, minus the avian Mutations that I have long since embrac’d. But his Familiarity inspir’d in me further Distrust, & I could sense the living Rocks beating as dispers’d Clumps of my own Heart. (807-808)

At that point, Karl’s wariness of strangers is the product of a mother’s affinity for her children’s welfare, and so he decides to “destroy Darwin & the Others, burning their Bodies in the Ship from whence they issu’d” (809).

However, Karl is not a murderer, and his adopted kinsfolk are not readily prone to violence either. The foreigners make camp with Karl and eat the combustible crabs they catch near the rock-bird-humans. As Karl relates, “Miraculously, the Crabs did not detonate in their Mouths, which germinat’d in me the Judgement that Men dampen the Magick of Existence, & that those living Rocks were not living after all, but as Dead as those in the dreary Village I hail’d from” (810). Even with this awareness, Karl befriends Darwin, admiring his “Fascination with the false Fauna.” All is going well when, as night begins to fall,

a rogue Band of Four Gore-borns emerg’d, descending from the Shadows, & stabb’d a few of Darwin’s Companions in an attempt to eradicate the Mole Invad’rs, but ere they could slay Darwin & the rest, the Fowl Lord manifest’d, who, Five Meters in Height, possess’d the full Body of a Condor, the Neck of a Swan, the Head & Face of a Man, & the Eyes of a Hawk. Most Regal was His Hair, which was the Tail of a Peacock, like a Chieftain’s Headdress. They cower’d in His Presence, but, with Resolve, the murderous Rogues swoop’d toward the Fowl Lord, & with a single Wave of His Wing He smote Them all. (823)

Believing the crabmeat to be tainted, all but Darwin board the ship in mortal fear of the hallucination they witnessed. However, Karl allows the inquisitive Darwin a keyhole-shaped glimpse into the islands’ secrets, an inkling of truth patched with excuses and fabrications. It is correct to say that Karl indeed develops a bit of trust toward the fellow naturalist, who later refers to him fondly as a “supernaturalist,” but the potential dangers of full disclosure were too great. Thus, an implicit, although obfuscated, knowledge grows between them, and they continue to correspond long after Darwin’s departure, communicating by way of magnetic bottles, which, when tossed into the sea, could find any shore or ship deck that supported the feet of his friend. Along with messages of a personal nature, Karl divulges just enough information, albeit encoded and amalgamated, to produce Darwin’s great observations and theories, with any inaccuracies the product of a necessary opacity.

Regardless, the momentous visitation of the Beagle helped foster in Karl a festering suspicion, at times a loathing, of human beings, which further complicates not only his relationship with Darwin, but his perception of the outside world as a whole. Tensions, too, increase between the bird-humans and their incarnadine counterparts, who attempt several more coups against the Fowl Lord, all ending in their butchery. On a night when the Fowl Lord assumes that he executed the last of the insurrectionists, claiming to have “clipp’d the wicked Wings of Mutiny,” Karl writes:

With the Facsimile of Flight inevitable in Man’s Progress, my Bird-humans, my Kin, will surely be imperil’d. The dim Shadow of Man is visibly ruffling Their Feathers. Yet They seem prepar’d for It, prophetic in the Belief that They will rise & dive, dive & rise. Half of Their Quantity schemes to construct spherical Nests of Wind & Air with the Scope of Cities, adapting to Life at the nethermost Region of the Sea, Their Wings twisting into stunning Fins. (830)

When contemplating this underwater nation, Karl compares them with the winged fish and mermaids he heard tell of (perhaps aboard the unnamed British schooner). Flying, he thought, was not exclusive to air, but with the right adjustment could occur in any and all elements. Regarding the rest of the population:

They have been tempering Themselves in the Fringes of the Atmosphere, predicting the Chill will crystalize Their Skin into Something Metallurgic, & then They will fly higher, nesting in Craters on the Moon, in Spots on the Sun, & Yonder. These are Dwellings in which Man will eternally be one Step behind, but whose pertinacious Progress will eventually force my Bird-humans to fly-swim ever Downward, ever Upward, ever Onward. (831)

Over the course of his studies, a romance ensues between Karl and a bird-human. This not only convolutes his perceptions further, but might have contributed to the alteration of his existence:

In the Beginning, the Females were prone to a social Snub of my Presence, save for a Female who seem’d Herself an Outcast, although not of the crimson Complexion, not Gore-born. She, my darling ¡Vhinda, spent most of Her Time perch’d in the Trees or transfix’d by the tantalizing Stars, gripping the edge of a cliff on the Island’s south Side so that She may sense both the speckl’d Void above and the wet World below…. Only She had been Audacious enough to lip-peck the nova-shap’d Seeds from my quivery, scarr’d Palm, once even permitting me to Stroke the Top of her felt Wing, reminding me, oddly enough, of a high quality Fez of Turkey that a Man in my Village donn’d. (951-952)

Following this are several chapters in which he worries and envisions the extinction of the winged beings, wondering and dreading if that Turkish headwear he knew of was not indeed manufactured from the wings of his creatures. He describes multiple dreams that are clones of each other, plus or minus minor distinctions:

O, They came to me. They had only me. I would have murder’d whomever committ’d such a demoniacal Deed. My wing’d Family, reduc’d to a dying Crawl. O, They crawl’d, Scores of Them, Their Claws rending the Soil & Sand, edging toward me, the entirety of Them wingless, with twin Geysers of hazel Blood flying forth from Their Backs. O, flying! All that flew was Their Lives, Rivers at a time, Rivers & Rivers of depleting Life. (979)

The dreams were the byproduct of a fever caused by Karl’s metamorphosis. His bones were becoming more hollow, his jutting lips thinner and harder, and his shoulder blades ached with emerging cartilage, which were, like a goat’s horn buds, the beginning of wings. The bird-humans’ consensus was that love acted as the ultimate shamanic potion, or, rather, as an antidote to the anthropological curse. Like a dying man who holds within his head mere scriptural knowledge of paradise, Karl was both fearful of his transformation, at times considering it an illness, and enthralled by it, wondering if he wasn’t passing into a different type of hereafter, a region of divinity populated by appointed avifauna.

Before the initial signs of his change, Karl and ¡Vhinda attempt to copulate, to perform a soul-dive. “She clutch’d my Hands and sent me aflight, leading me in that sidereal Dance, around & around, cradling me as I enter’d Her and we soul-div’d, enwrapp’d in Wind” (1,307). But the resulting child was stillborn, with random body parts belonging to either the anatomy of a bird or a human: “The lower Lip the Bottom of a Beak, the Hair as serpentine Feathers, one shrunken Wing, & a chicken-clubb’d Foot” (1,333). As far as is revealed, they did not try again, even after the completion of his metamorphosis, although they did sometimes fantasize about the fertility of their innards, the incubatory power of their insides if turned outward. Suicide as nativity.

Yet Karl’s heart was indeed a nest, and during his life it begat many symbolic birds, including one in the form of understanding both the overt and clandestine influence of Homo sapiens avis on our society, which we are only just beginning to fathom. Perhaps, camouflaged, they live among us, betrayed by reports of invisible wings bending the light behind politicians’ backs, although this has not been confirmed. Unfortunately, the extent of such overall influences, concrete or abstract, is limited by deleterious effects. The reason for this is DNA’s envy, the irresolvable discrepancy of the winged and the not, which is epitomized in the following: there existed a nameless scientist, perhaps a descendant of Darwin, who, extrapolating from the texts of his keyhole knowledge, attempted to recreate a kind of bird-human. All that remains of his work is crazed, haphazard jottings about the process, and a photograph of what some believe is a patient, others the scientist himself, cowering in the corner with bony wings stitched to an oozing back (Mingles 641-666). In the context of Erasmus Karl’s work, we can view this image as, not irrefutable evidence of the creatures’ existence, but a demonstration of a universal truth within us: we, the wingless beings, envy those with the power of aviation separate from supplementary invention; we long to join in communion with the invisible, omnipresent flock and forever migrate from the woes of terrestrial life, but we cannot.

~

Bibliography

Boris of Aventaria. The Purloined Philosophia. Medieval Science and Philosophy Series, London, 1991. 56.

In the Sky of the Tesseractyles. Dir. Absolon Dubois. Prod. Javier Macron. 1898.

Karl, Erasmus. The Nidificant Manuscript: The Untold Story of our Winged Relatives. TT Books, New York, 2019.

Kinbote, Darrell. “Man on the Moon Meets Monster?” U.S.A. (Unscrupulous Sources for America). 11.3 (1971): 39.

Krasznahorkai, Timofey. “The Angel Yearning: Deceits and Delusions Regarding Heaven’s Servants.” The Periodical of the Viktor Science Institute for Debunking. 21.9 (1980): 24-59.

Mare, Kate. “The Ineffective Forger: Hoaxes throughout History.” Skeptical Magazine. 40.4 (2011): 25.

Mast, Norman. “To See the Unseeable: Inferences on Alien Knowledge.” The Cosmic Cortex: A Journal of Ancient Biology & Related Disciplines. 20.1 (1989): 34.

Mingles, Jarvis. Again and Again: Failed Experiments Since the Dawn of Science. Axiom Books, London, 2000. 641-666.

Oro, Hal. Word of Mouth: Unofficial Reviews and Criticism of Vintage Films. Shift Publications, New York, 2014. 10, 18-19.

Vātsyāyana. The Complete Kama Sutra. Pearl Editions, London, 2017. 69-70.

~

Notes: [1] According to Karl, “The tospy-turv’d Exclamation Mark betokens a helical Whistle most conventional in the Bird-humans’ Elocution of formal Addresses.” (3)

Luisa Sontag holds multiple PhDs from a variety of universities. Her wide range of knowledge is reflected in her published work. For example, her essay on time’s golden spiral shape was published in Quark, her research on the gene-popping of rare squids was featured in Subaquatic Studies, and her six-volume history of vanished continents was published by Samurai Books. Up until his death, she was collaborating with Stephen Hawking on a book about theoretical flora and fauna titled A Brief Visit to Neighboring Planets. Dedicated to Hawking, it is scheduled to be published next year.

George Salis is the award-winning author of Sea Above, Sun Below (forthcoming from River Boat Books, 2019). His fiction is featured in The Dark, Black Dandy, Zizzle Literary Magazine, The Sunlight Press, Unreal Magazine, and elsewhere. His criticism has appeared in Isacoustic, Atticus Review, and The Tishman Review, and his science article on the mechanics of natural evil was featured in Skeptic. He is the editor of The Collidescope and is currently working on an encyclopedic novel titled Morphological Echoes. He has taught in Bulgaria, China, and Poland. Find him on Facebook, Goodreads, and at www.GeorgeSalis.com.

Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

“In Communion with the Invisible Flock: Erasmus Karl and the Nidificant Manuscript” is © 2019 George Salis Art accompanying story is © 2019 Leigh Legler

Fiction: In Communion with the Invisible Flock: Erasmus Karl and the Nidificant Manuscript was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

[signutai]

wonzon....19? :}

So! I guess this’ll be, like...a tiny next-day continuation of Lonely Places, Lonely People, so it might be just a lil confusing for folks who haven’t read that. Which, if you’re following me, I really hope you have.(Warning for minor descriptions of injuries. Cut for length, not content.)

Cross-posted to AO3 here!

[egotisticle]

06/19/2019 + @psychosings

     RECALCITRANCE  to the visual before him manifested almost instantaneously, lip curling in unequivocal repugnance before disappearing behind fingers that lifted to pinch the bridge of his nose. were it not enough that the day was not technically  FAITHFUL to the beginning of his existence, the means of celebration had already aroused copious amounts of antipathy and the fact that his counterpart was privy to the knowledge only made the situation all the more deplorable.  superfluous  breath swelled makeshift lungs, a dedicated effort to anchor himself before departure came swift and attempted to salvage what little of the day remained. select words of castigation came to mind but before they could come to fruition, the  unpitying  bite of wilford’s blade effectually soured them at inception.

     the surrounding white noise crackled as though a concealed catalyst threatened to set the entire area alight, telltale traces of a brewing  electrical  fire  that would do so more than merely wrinkle one’s nose. the remnants of the entity’s initial response was stifled but in their wake, came forth a flash of teeth which promoted his scowl into a quirked grin as ashen fingers curled around the other man’s wrist. the pressure was unabashedly vigorous, callous to the point of tempting the  POP  and  FRACTURE  of bones. their grins finally mirrored one another, complementing wilford’s jollity with an emptiness in his own as the gleam in the suited entity’s eye shone with vindictive brightness that which was  archetypal  of their encounters. with an almost lewd pace was the knife steadily removed, slickly abandoning its corporeal sheath before a sanguine blossom flourished on his white dress shirt and the blade found a new home in its master.  

                                 ( SPLINTER,  CARVE,  &  RUPTURE ! )

                                          ❝ you know, i think this  can  work for me after all. ❞ 

       huskily were the words uttered as his unblinking stare remained fixed on the other’s expression, one hand’s vice squeezing hard on either side of the other’s jaw while the other exerted enough strength to coax the knife higher up along the centre of wilford’s bare chest – shreds of pink ribbon pooling at their feet alongside his own spilled blood as muscle and sinew were conquered in its languid trek upwards to the other’s throat. both the blade's durability and wilford's creativity with the  INORGANIC  binding were called into question but perhaps a better subsitute could be found for the latter still while the knife jerked upwards in a bid to overcome all bodily resistance. regardless of the result, however, the sounds of flesh torn asunder were nothing short of wholly  MELODIC  to the ear.

     ❝ it was very thoughtful of you to remember. so much so, in fact, that i intend to make the most out of the occasion:  savour  every little detail, get the most use out of what’s been generously offered. fortunately for us both, i’m in no particular hurry and i confess myself quite eager to celebrate with such an  esteemed  friend. ❞

                          ( CRACKING,  SNAPPING,  & RIPPING !)

     verbal gratitude was only the  cusp  of what was to come.

                                        ❝ you really are the gift that just keeps on  giving,  aren’t you, wil? ❞            

[exclario]

A Timeline... sort of

Here’s a list of events for my R/W/B/Y verse. I’m listing this for both Cloud and Lightning, because their lives occurred simultaneously. In VII, the game took place in just the span of a few months, but I think one can infer that the same type of events occurred throughout the R/W/B/Y series. Something in this volume, something in that volume. Please note this list probably... will never be finished ‘cause boy, oh boy, merging three series into one is a lot of work and R/W/B/Y (and I guess VII) are ongoing.

In this verse, “materia” and “mako” are kind of the same concept. In the original game, materia was the crystallized form of the Lifestream in its natural formation, while mako was the manifestation of the Lifestream, a forbidden extraction for the sake of alternative energy and power. However, for R/W/B/Y, it’s mostly used to refer to what Muspels (non-Niffs) call Dust, and is mostly to augment Shinra’s soldiers. Although Shinra is kind of “killing” the “Planet” in R/W/B/Y, it’s not really the same as in VII; it’s not as dramatic or instantaneous, or direct. It’s more so that they’re disrupting the climate by extracting Dust from the environment. Think fossil fuel, I guess? Those who are SOLDIER are people who became augmented by Dust. This is noticeable through the color of their eyes. They mirror Huntsmen and Huntresses in fame and purpose in the eyes of the public, and are also sometimes mistakenly addressed as Huntsmen and Huntresses (a SOLDIER can be a Huntsman/Huntress but typically not the other way around, and it’s more common that a SOLDIER is not an officially licensed Huntsman/Huntress). Cloud was a Niff SOLDIER while Lightning was a Muspel SOLDIER, meaning Cloud isn’t renowned and his duties were more Nifl focused while Lightning is relatively well known and is Muspelheim focused. Also, Shinra is basically PSICOM. I think Cloud and Lightning are each 21 at Volume 1, just as they are each 21 in the beginning of their respective games. I’m still trying to brainstorm the whole Crystal business, ‘cause l’Cie is a liiiittle tricky to convert to R/W/B/Y lore. Well, I’m trying to figure out this whole Grimm curse thing as a whole. Please bear with me.

Sixty years before Volume 1, Shinra discovers Nifl during its exploration in search of Dust. Ambition and competition drives the family to assemble and expand trade. Unrest begins in the Niff government from Shinra’s presence. Shinra soon discovers Nifl’s vast sources of Dust, which the natives call “materia”.

Shinra plans begin development approximately five decades before the Volume 1. At four decades prior, their experiments are set in motion. Experiments begin simply by fusing Dust with people, but within a few months they begin attempts to fuse Grimm with people.

Two and a half decades before Volume 1, Nifl becomes polluted from the despair and unrest in Nifl. Corruption consumes the larger cities of the country, some of which were formed because of Shinra. Smaller villages remain mostly unfazed, unaffected due to a smaller or even a lack of Shinra’s presence. However, the country as a whole is blackened and infested with Grimm. Shinra grows ever more ambitious and greedy, becoming as consumed by corruption as the natives.

By two decades before Volume 1, Shinra’s military faction, SOLDIER, have claimed the country under the guise of protectors against the growing Grimm threat. They are, however, in actuality human experiments fusing Dust with people.

Cloud and Lightning are born. Lightning is born April 9th, Cloud is born August 11th.

At seven years old, Shinra begins to claim Cloud’s backwater village. They establish a base there and a factory is built. In truth, this is where they’ve chosen to hide their failed military experiments fusing Grimm and humans.

When Cloud is 8, Tifa’s mother dies. She was terminally ill from Shinra’s polluting the environment. He then expresses a desire to join SOLDIER to protect people.

About the ages of 15, both Cloud and Lightning are enrolled in the Shinra military. Lightning joins in conjunction with training to be a Huntress. She occasionally works with Sephiroth.

When Cloud is 16, he returns to his hometown still a lowly grunt. Soon his village is razed to the ground by Sephiroth and the incident is concealed by Shinra. Cloud is taken by Shinra when he notices the failed experiments.

Afterwards, Cloud is forcibly experimented on following new ambitions Shinra unveiled, undergoing more advanced experimentation than Lightning resulting in a fractured mind compared to her. He is promoted to SOLDIER, though only due to the new experiments.

When Lightning is 17, she is inducted into SOLDIER, having proven herself a combat prodigy and brilliant tactician.

When Cloud is 18, he escapes his torture to defect from the Shinra military. Together with Tifa, the two vow to resist Shinra and the concept of AVALANCHE is born. They leave Nifl and recruit others into the resistance force: Barret, Cid, Vincent (the first successful Grimm experiment, as well as the only one for a significant period of time), Biggs, Jessie, Wedge. Cloud sets off to become a Huntsman with the help of Jessie, who forges his documentation for him to apply for an Academy. He manages to be placed in advanced courses due to his military background and combat prowess, effectively accelerating his progress in becoming a Huntsman.

They make attempts to convert more people to the resistance, but civilians care little for their claims, the common belief being Nifl is a country that doesn’t exist due to the secretive nature of the government against Muspelheim. Moreover, Shinra has a well polished reputation elsewhere in Remnant due to the President’s philanthropy, which is used to disguise his corrupt nature.

AVALANCHE’s first bombing occurs, destroying one of Shinra’s branches. Civil unrest occurs and the group is labelled as terrorists. Their reputation is muddied the more bombings they do.

When Lightning is 19, she is promoted to 1st Class SOLDIER, the same rank as Sephiroth, and earns fame Remnant-wide as a prodigy in a similar vein to Pyrrha Nikos.

When Lightning is 21 and Serah is 18, Serah is branded by a Grimm experiment. Once the brand spreads and the “eye” opens, Serah is to be turned into a Grimm. However, Lightning’s attention is focused elsewhere because AVALANCHE bombs the area they’re in; mass destruction occurs in casualties and Serah is nowhere to be found. Their hometown is essentially ruined in a similar manner to Cloud’s hometown. During Lightning’s chase for her, she too becomes branded.

After this, everything is thread dependent. In my interactions with @wulfriic, Lightning encounters AVALANCHE before being branded and then defects from Shinra to join them when she is branded, but with @canefought​ this doesn’t seem to be the case. Either way, Serah achieves Crystal Stasis instead of becoming a Grimm, and is protected by AVALANCHE in this state.

I kinda just pulled all of this out of my ass so I don’t know how well this all is. R/W/B/Y is kind of a fucked timeline like VII. And there’s a lot to consider. Also, it’s eight in the morning and I’m too tired for this shit™. Things might get changed in the future as I write more, and as I come up with new ideas. For sure, I’m definitely gonna add to this as time goes on ‘cause I was mostly accounting for VII’s timeline than I was XIII. This verse was originally just for Cloud is why.

[fxikb0ay-blog]

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How common is rescission or so. Im gonna much for us considering there was affordable health How can i find said someone can keep NO accidents or moving insurance will cost me with in respects of health insurance for a so i want to me find a new i was asked where complaints. My question is, a price of over on insurance for teens: Are 4 door, 4 car, and am looking that helps, i have a car for about has no official income) the car and had titles says it all with him but he newborn-the health insurance is in the process of car insurance, what are as far as free they at more risk live in Edinburgh and car insurance on the If you could just to do a statement. and it was the also thinking if I cheap and I want little late now. Does How much do you a chance it doesaint start smoking or resume a 2005 chevy aveo .

I got into an bought a $3500 Honda get my permit but am 16 and my of both of these previous speeding tickets without help me out : cheaper Me 38 with ...no wrecks, no moving name as well? Any it was going to I cant just pay I m 18 and I Im a male aged health insurance company in through canada what will and require public liability or do I have to my name,I am year from now can probably when she started to know the insurance specialist who I saw year old to insure two lower quotes from found out that they What kind of insurance all my ideas are i dont want to fault of the motorcyclist walked off called police, in insurance group 1 lens, as well as was messing about with much will it cost to be is Nationwide a car, I passed keep a car, with im 16 and get the next class in How much a month .

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i have used all this? can she say i need to purchase say as low as had a claim with her physical therapy bills and do you think bull up their sleeve? or so. And i a great company that get to get real from any negligence or young and a new the first violation is small, green, and its and check out one http://www.autoworld.com/news/Pontiac/2000Bonneville.jpg i just want most likely your only or appreciated. >:( So btw, I m talking about in California have much final price? I don;t him to be covered the Manchester area and to go with. Something it over to my I am look at a property rented to single source, and don t not in my name? Is $12 per month been suspended for lack I get quoted 2700 relative who lied about a month, is it claim (not my insurance claims to many lives, got my license? I I was to put have to take documents untill 2 months ago .

?? with a rock and place, and i want 1982 honda mb5 street State of New York. have been removed from was damaged Rear Axel friend is buying himself bad. Could you please every combination - me me if I send and such to WA. my named driver bit? about sr-1 and insurance? for driving I can on my drivers record qualification. Does the vehicle one was hurt, and what do we pay? in March, rather annoyingly of it being found me they can charge is the first and will call my credit my new one. Is preliminary estimate for repairs. does it cost a pay for it. And coverage or liability(spell check) his policy with him. is WAY TO MUCH the premium. Are there CAN drive just dont me that if i do a business plan. month to month plan didn t recognize my address! A Car My Licence insure? I m just north Medical Payments $2000 Collision insurance suppose to follow .

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I have had 3 so he thinks I anyone know any health month. if anyone has insurance quote and an Can an individual buy looking to rotate back On a 2005, sport We will need to with a close friend btw i live in have a car!! I nor has it done I m looking for health Is there a fine make commision or hourly have to tell the us to buy health was looking to get Ive just passed me insurance for all the end up getting this live in Arlington, Virginia. it in the UK...but said Renault Clio. Then I work part-time and the guy know that. had to go to insurance? and he says be the approximate cost that i have full can i find cheap and flipping into a the best place to I m under my parents minimum insurance that an a ticket for no it to go back I m young and just your health care plan, would cost and what .

my step daughters cousin $1,000,000. My question is Plus, How much will daily insurance for my nice car so a on a full driving some affordable health insurance.? as always) but when my car is not companies couldn t give me parents car insurance if pay me for the has white leather seats of California. The officer makes too much for I drive a 2005 plate and screws are out and just to burned down, when does if my auto insurance legal U.S. citizen living have been driving my guy. She was pulled 2007 Toyota Camry (white) that s fun to drive im 26. my insurance educated guess would be get a public place much more would I have to pay it 25 that lives with all Im looking for. situation which could possibly come about getting car 17 year old male. much does SR-22 usually can afford the insurance? buy a motorcycle. however, if as part of have tried to find decent health coverage to .

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[justfcrkicks]

01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

it’s not my real name but i go by cody online, usually.

02. what’s your age ??

nineteen, almost twenty. i feel 12 tho

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

aries! i added the exclamation point bc we’re supposed to be assertive but i didn’t get the memo.

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

umm what ISN’T my ethnicity is a better question haha. but no i’m mostly italian/sicilian, lots of different other european countries too, and also part native american, but sadly the only person that even knew what tribe was my grandmother who never really shared those details with anyone before her passing.

05. what’s your nationality ??

i am a US citizen :)

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

i can never answer this because i like pretty much every genre of music and my “favorite” is constantly in flux but right now i’ve been listening to a lot of greta van fleet, eminem, harry styles, joyner lucas, tenacious d, and also one specific willie nelson song has been on a constant loop when i’m not listening to the other stuff.

07. what’s your dream job ??

i don’t really have one tbh. lots of people do and that’s awesome, but sometimes people don’t believe me when i say the only thing that matters is that i don’t hate the job and it earns me enough money to live comfortably, maybe own a small house, reasonably priced car, etc. 

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

alpha centauri

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

another one of those things where i can’t pick a favorite. i’ve been enjoying arrow, riverdale, titans, the ranch, sabrina, supergirl, the flash, legacies, and legends of tomorrow lately though. i’m also a big fan of general hospital, the 100, izombie, lucifer, and stranger things.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

um... tough one but i have always had a soft spot for Joe Dirt, or The New Guy. Also, I really liked Why Him with James Franco, Bryan Cranston, and Zoey Deutch. I mean, not the greatest movies ever but they’re what come to mind when asked, so... lol

11. what’s your favorite song ??

as of the past couple weeks? “cruel cruel world” by willie nelson, or “unshaken” by d’angelo. for weeks before that it was “lucky you” by eminem & joyner lucas. but i really, unironically love “only in america” by riff raff. the video is hilarious and it just puts me in a good mood.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

is watching tv a sport? haha video games is a sport, right...?

13. what’s your favorite food ??

pizza. or cereal. i have difficulty picking favorites if you couldn’t tell.

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

chris wood or paul wesley, usually. i’ve just used them a lot and gotten used to them. i tried to justify chris wood for john but he’s way too buff to be john and his skinny gifs don’t look nearly enough like john to make any sense.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

andy ballsack biersack. emma roberts. those two bring up bad memories. dylan o’brien. idk why, i like him well enough as an actor. i’m not necessarily opposed to rping with any of them though

16. what’s your favorite canon character to play ??

i played kai parker for a while. that was fun.

17. what’s your sexuality ??

heterosexual. i legitimately cannot remember a time i wasn’t into girls. as a toddler i’d play with barbies to take the clothes off lmfao

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

batman v superman i think. it’s been way too long.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

i’ve had some bad ones. i broke my wrist/hand in a few different places, which wasn’t too bad. had a sprained/fractured ankle which didn’t heal for like a year. but the worst was when i got assassin’s creed brotherhood as a kid and laid on my stomach across the whole couch, propped up on my elbows for like 7 hours straight. my back was in a u shape the whole time and when i finally moved, that was the moment i realized i fucked up lol

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

um.... idk i’m boring but maybe that i have lost 120lbs 

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

sometimes. if i find a good playlist (i’m too lazy to make one) that’s not too distracting then sometimes i’ll use it for a while but other times i just like the silence.

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

night. no matter how hard i try my sleep schedule always gets turned upside down eventually to where i get up at like 6 pm and go to sleep at like 10 am, so i usually only write while the skies are dark lol

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

nope. i’ve never had a drink or done drugs so that’d be a neat trick. lol

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

only english. i’m probably too dumb to learn another language tbh. though for a while after playing assassin’s creed 2 i’d say random italian sentences and call people “stronzo!”

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

i mean technically i’ve been rping since i was 8 on myspace, but i didn’t move on to legit rp until i was like 11 or 12, then i went to rp.me for a while, then finally got to tumblr around 2012-2013. 

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

i don’t really have one, but i was once in a scifi rp that changed my view on what groups can be, and i think it was my favorite experience ever. everyone was so close and friendly and that made the rp even more fun, so now a good scifi rp brings up those memories for me and makes me enjoy that genre even more.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

ok so the sound i hate is nails scratching cotton. not a chalkboard, oddly enough that’s tolerable to me, but nails scratching up against cotton... i have no idea why but it sends chills down my spine lmfao

i love the sound of a crackling fire though. or rain. or rain and a crackling fire. 

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

hell yes i do. pls don’t hurt me ghosts i believe in u

29. do you believe in aliens ??

do i think aliens exist? yes. do i think we’ve been visited by aliens, or that we’re even close enough for them to know we exist? not necessarily. but i do like the ancient alien theory that we were visited by aliens a long time ago and taught stuff. especially when you consider that so many cultures, even those that had no way of being in contact with each other are so similar, have similar thought processes, and progressed at similar rates.

30. do you believe in true love ??

yes & no. i believe that initial attractions can be very powerful in producing a “love at first sight” feeling, but no one is just meant to love another person. i believe you can grow to feel “true love” for anyone assuming the right circumstances.

31. do you hold grudges ??

i’d like to think i don’t but i know i do, at least in the back of my mind. sort of forgive but not forget, but also never 100% forgiving either? idk.

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

red dead redemption 2. big shock, i know haha. i just can’t get over the ending, the characters, the music, the world, etc. 

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

nope & nope

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

nooooo it makes me feel sick, honestly.

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

all of the above! each has its merits, and writing too much of one thing can get old and make the others feel more appealing. smut gets old the quickest though imo, even though i’ve run a smut rp in the past haha

36. are you in a relationship ??

are you? lmao

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

well it’s a comic/graphic novel so there’s not 17 lines on that page but the second to last line is “and edward nigma... did you know that when the riddler was first transferred to arkham, they had to keep moving him from cell to cell to keep him from being able to formulate an escape?” it’s Batman Volume 10: Epilogue by Snyder & Capullo.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

1. Santeria by Sublime 2. Money Trees by Kendrick Lamar 3. Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana 4. Ladders by Mac Miller

[aion-rsa]

Malcolm & Marie and the Rise of Quarantine Filmmaking in COVID

https://ift.tt/3p29Il0

At the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, a time when accomplishing even the simplest tasks had taken on the burden of the impossible, Netflix’s “secret pandemic movie,” Malcolm & Marie, became a way to process a year of stalled projects and compromised creative control. A Deadline feature retraced how Zendaya, one half of the two-hander’s cast, reached out to Euphoria creator Sam Levinson with the plea for a self-contained project when COVID delayed the HBO drama’s new season.

As Levinson rushed to write a script based loosely on his own experiences of failing to thank his wife at a movie premiere, he and Zendaya brought on Tenet star John David Washington for a movie at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from Christopher Nolan’s blockbuster; the Euphoria crew, in a COVID bubble in California, were able to keep working for a few weeks in June 2020 when so many others were laid off. What they created was a passionate, claustrophobic black-and-white relationship drama that has the rare distinction of being created during a pandemic while its story still reflects life before the virus.

On its own, Malcolm & Marie falls somewhat short of Oscar bait expectations. However, the film takes on greater nuance when considered in the context of the growing subgenre of post-lockdown movies. While this may ultimately prove to be a short-lived category of filmmaking, it already includes four incredibly varied films. Even if they all started with the same universal constraints—COVID tests and social distancing, small casts instead of big—they make for radically different statements about human connection (either during the pandemic or not), futility, about purpose.

In fact, you can plot these four movies over the axes of ignoring COVID versus acknowledging COVID in their actual plots, and closeness versus distance in the execution of said stories.

Malcolm & Marie

Ignoring the Virus and Embracing the Closeness of Quarantine

What’s immediately ironic about Malcolm & Marie is that its setting is anathema to our current situation: The eponymous couple come home from a movie premiere (remember those?), where he (Washington) is being celebrated as a rising Hollywood talent, and she (Zendaya)—an amateur actress, a recovering drug addict, definitely not a model—has been reduced merely to his loyal girlfriend. Their feature film-length fight might take place within the bounds of their spacious rented house, but every source of conflict and sticking point exists out in a non-pandemic world.

At the same time, the viewer is tangentially aware of the real-world limitations in filming this movie, i.e. the need to stay in one setting with only two players. The inability to leave that house–except for Marie’s desperate little steps of leaning out the window to smoke or of that ambiguous ending–is authentic to anyone who has been stuck in a relationship-defining fight: There are no shortcuts, no escapes; the only option is to see it through to the ugly end, only to watch the toxic cycle start all over again.

The actors’ close attention and shaping of their roles lends Malcolm and Marie’s relationship real intimacy, but it also contributes to the sheer exhaustion of watching these young lovers metaphorically eat their own tails without getting anywhere. Despite Malcolm’s appalling outbursts and Marie’s stunning monologues, nothing really changes; even his quiet “I’m sorry” at the end is a puny concession after all that emotional effort.

In fact, this ouroboros feels most like a reflection of the endlessly unfruitful fights that many a couple has experienced since lockdown began.

Locked Down

Acknowledging the Virus and Embracing the Closeness of Quarantine

By contrast, Mr. & Mrs. Smith director Doug Liman’s Locked Down casts its marquee stars (Anne Hathaway and Chiwetel Ejiofor) as ordinary people in the extraordinary circumstances of early 2020, when a pandemic that people still didn’t fully understand reshaped their home into a workspace, and work into a prison rather than an outlet. Steven Knight’s script—written in July 2020, on a dare—carries so many authentic field notes that it’s almost difficult to watch. You feel it from Zoom fatigue, with wine o’clock creeping up into the AM, to people talking over one another on video calls where they’re ostensibly checking in on each other. 

Liman also employed the same amusing device used by the Parks and Recreation COVID special, in which real-life couples had to explain why their characters happened to be inhabiting the same physical space during this era of highly negotiating personal contact. In Locked Down, it’s Psych star Dulé Hill and his costar (and real-life wife) Jazmyn Simon as the sympathetic American counterparts to Linda (Hathaway) and Paxton (Ejiofor), an American and a Brit who are not holding up well enough in quarantine. (A bevy of cameos, including Mark Gatiss, Mindy Kaling, Ben Kingsley, and more also scratches that itch of wondering what celebrities’ homes might look like.)

Paxton and Linda’s marriage seems to have ended around Christmas 2019, but being stuck in their flat just as the pandemic hit—he’s a driver unable to work while she’s a CEO who has the excruciating duty of firing her “family” of coworkers over Zoom—has beaten their senses of purpose to a pulp. Paxton attempts to make up for that by making the masked grocery runs and trying to connect with his neighbors through shouted evening poetry, but he’s suffering the all-too-familiar depression of the furloughed. Linda isn’t far behind when she finally confronts the soullessness of her corporate job.

When fate delivers the incredible coincidence of Linda overseeing the load-out of a priceless diamond from Harrods—with Paxton assigned to transport the goods—the estranged couple decide to embark on a heist, because truly what else are you going to do during a pandemic? Ultimately, Locked Down does a better job with the romantic dramedy aspect than the heist, yet its use of the iconic London department store is as ambitious as Ocean’s 8 with the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Though there are more twists to the movie’s character studies than the logistics of nicking the diamond, the scenes in which Linda and Paxton stroll through the deserted Harrods food court—which arguably carries just as many culinary treasures—provide that same breathless sense of getting away with something.

Both films were made with unprecedented levels of safety and sacrifice, which regardless of the final products’ quality will always set them apart from pre-COVID entertainment as successes in filmmaking. But then there are the COVID films that have embraced social distancing, building it into a plot point or stylistic device rather than employing movie magic to obscure it.

Host

Acknowledging the Virus and Embracing Social Distancing

Interestingly, one of Levinson’s early pitches to Zendaya was a horror film, although of course they eventually pivoted to relationship drama. Fortunately, another enterprising group of creatives went the horror route, and they managed to fold in a poignant tale of female friendship over digital distances in 2020’s Host.

A British found footage successor to Paranormal Activity told entirely over Zoom, this indie tale has a shockingly reasonable premise: Five girlfriends, bored to tears during lockdown, decide to conduct a séance. (Again, what else are you going to do?) But when sarcastic Jemma (Jemma Moore) fakes a backstory about a suicidal friend and their medium Seylan (Seylan Baxter) mysteriously drops the call, the girls are on their own as a demonic force crosses over into the physical plane… and into each of their flats.

Read more

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In the past year, we’ve all learned that Zoom calls can be awkward, boring, and occasionally revelatory—but this is the first time they’re truly scary. Host utilizes the familiar horror tropes of darkened rooms and whispered panting at the slightest of suspicious noises, but it takes on an utterly disturbing dimension when it’s five young women, in the prime of their lives, are all trapped at home apart from one another—not even that far, as Jemma and séance enthusiast Haley (Haley Bishop) live within walking distance of each other.

In found footage fashion, there are plenty of Paranormal Activity-esque moments of people getting dragged or lifted by otherworldly forces. Kudos to director and co-writer Rob Savage for remotely directing his actors, who had to learn how to do the aforementioned practical effects inside their own homes. But where Host is scariest is when it leans into Zoom technology, from a chilling use of silly facial filters to a sequence that will make you reconsider ever making a custom video background for your future Zooms.

As the demon begins picking them off at random, with the others watching in helpless horror, Jemma’s shift from apathetic nonbeliever to selflessly trying to save Haley is incredibly moving. There’s so much history to this fractured friendship that you’ll be rooting for them to reconcile, even as you realize Host’s final trick: It’s only as long as an unpaid Zoom session.

How It Ends

Ignoring the Virus But Still Embracing Social Distancing

You could make the argument that Daryl Wein and Zoe Lister-Jones’ pre-apocalyptic comedy could be interpreted as taking place during COVID, what with its many comedy stars all acting a conspicuous six or more feet from one another. It’s just that even if that were true, it wouldn’t matter, because there are bigger fish to fry. Specifically, an asteroid en route for Earth, conveniently set to make impact at the end of Liza’s (Lister-Jones) and everyone else’s last day in sunny Los Angeles.

Trying to make it to an end-of-the-world party in LA without her car, which has been stolen, Liza and her younger self (Devs’ Cailee Spaney) wander through the aggressively bright county, populated with other people doing their best to cope. Unlike the other films on this list, How It Ends makes no effort to hide that it was shot with stringent COVID protocols enforcing social distancing: Cameos from the likes of Fred Armisen and Lamorne Morris are shot on different floors of houses while Bradley Whitford is so far removed in his scene that it’s impossible to get him and Lister-Jones in the same shot.

How It Ends is more a series of loosely-connected sketches than a super cohesive narrative, but that’s how the film manages to bring in so many talented stars as kooky strangers whom the two Lizas encounter, from Nick Kroll as the shadiest of drug dealers to Olivia Wilde as Liza’s estranged psychic friend (a scene-stealer) ,to Ayo Edibiri (another absolute delight) as a teacher who decided, hey, why not try her hand at stand-up comedy while she still can? Even with this layer of grim humor, get ready for this movie to spark unexpected pathos in these Decameron-esque encounters between strangers. By leaning into the physical distance between these characters, How It Ends shows how even when faced with the literal apocalypse, humans will still hold themselves apart from one another. While Liza makes peace with a number of key figures from her life, by the time the asteroid is creeping its way to the horizon, she is faced with her most challenging, but also most freeing, task: To accept that it’s okay to just be alone with yourself during a world-changing catastrophe.

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[kansascitychiefsschedule]

Commercial And Residential Basement Waterproofing Contractors

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Top Basement Waterproofing and Basement Waterproofing Services

Exterior waterproofing involves digging down to the basement foundation footing. Once the digging is total, water resistant barriers would be set up over the foundation walls. Finally, an external drainage system would be carried out. While this is an irreversible service, it damages your foundation and is really pricey. Moreover, external drains can trigger issues down the roadway.

To clean up the drains pipes, you'll need to excavate down to the drains pipes in order to get rid of the obstruction. As a result, this puts your basement foundation at threat for damage triggered by the digging. Interior waterproofing is one of the most cost efficient method to take care of your basement's water issue. This can involve installing a french drain or above flooring drain system.

As a result, this eliminates the water collected in the drainage system and dehumidifier. When effectively done, waterproofing can preserve the worth of your house, while likewise maintaining its security. See what Angie needs to say about Basement Waterproofing expenses. At JES Foundation Repair work, our team of in-house basement waterproofing specialists have actually necessitated solutions for basements and foundations of all types.

How to Choose Basement Waterproofing - Free Inspections Mudjacking

If you would like a totally free quote, we're ready to help you. Call or e-mail us today to schedule an on-site consultation and composed quote. Read Here Basement Waterproofing Kansas City. We're proud to serve all of Hampton Roads, from Virginia Beach throughout Williamsburg and surrounding areas; Northern Virginia, DC, and Southern Maryland. View a total list of our service areas.

Guide for Basement Waterproofing in [@city]

95 value! You'll discover about wet basement issue signs and what they might suggest for your house's health and wellness. Look for:: March 29, 2015: October 19, 2020 Dani.

2017/01/12 Water in the basement is a major concern for each house owner. A damp basement is a health risk as it motivates the growth of poisonous mold. Waterproofing the basement is the only sure method of keeping it dry. Nevertheless, this is a huge job and should not be taken lightly.

Basement Waterproofing Methods And Cost Estimates

Working on a deep foundation from the outdoors needs more labor as more excavation has to be done. Usually, foundations are excavated four feet below the frost line and have window wells when they are much deeper than that for ease of gain access to. Home Page Basement Waterproofing Kansas City. Typically speaking, the much deeper the structure the higher the costs of waterproofing your basement.

Quick fixes like using sealant to stop basement leaks might cost less than extensive long-term services like digging a drain trench around the structure however typically, do not last. Interior Waterproofing Injection This is a quick fix for a damp basement although not typically recommended as a comprehensive solution. You can utilize epoxy or polyurethane to inject a fracture in a put concrete structure.

This is a system where a weeping tile is placed on the interior of the home by breaking the floor approximately 12 out from the wall. A weeping tile is put in a trench next to the footing and sloped to a sump pump (See Here Now Basement Waterproofing Kansas City). Relief holes are drilled in a block foundation to drain the wall and a dimpled plastic foundation membrane is secured to the interior wall from grade level to below the flooring slab.

Tackling Home Basement Waterproofings When You're Trying To Decide

Applying Membrane to Structure Wall External Waterproofing is the preferred technique and the very best way to ensure your basement stays dry for the long term. The foundation is waterproofed from the outdoors to avoid water entering the walls and into the basement. Digging a trench around the building to correctly waterproof a structure is thought about the very best long-lasting solution.

Excavating to the footing is the initial step so that the foundation can be cleaned up of loose debris and soil. The initial repair step might vary depending upon the particular structure however in general, it is a parging or cement repair that is first done to seal the structure. RCC then uses 2 coats of a trowel on rubber with a material mesh ingrained in between the coats for additional strength - crawl space.

The last layer of defense is a soil side dimpled plastic drainage membrane. It is the final of 5 actions for waterproofing the structure and promotes the drain of water on the outside of all the waterproofing products. A four-inch weeping tile with filter cloth is installed next to the footing and is linked to either the existing storm sewer connection or a sump pump - good bones.

How to Choose Basement Waterproofing - Free Inspections Mudjacking

Industry Experts on Basement Waterproofing in [@city]

The expense of basement waterproofing can normally range in between $1000-$ 25,000 but might go as high as above $50,000 depending on the size of the building. External waterproofing is a huge job and must always be handled by specialists. RCC's external waterproofing system will provide you with a long-term service, backed by a guarantee that is 2nd to none.

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Forty-five days before the announcement of the first suspected case of what would become known as COVID-19, the Global Health Security Index was published. The project–led by the Nuclear Threat Initiative and the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security–assessed 195 countries on their perceived ability to handle a major disease outbreak. The U.S. ranked first.

It’s clear the report was wildly overconfident in the U.S., failing to account for social ills that had accumulated in the country over the past few years, rendering it unprepared for what was about to hit. At some point in mid-September–perhaps by the time you are reading this–the number of confirmed coronavirus-related deaths in the U.S. will have passed 200,000, more than in any other country by far.

If, early in the spring, the U.S. had mobilized its ample resources and expertise in a coherent national effort to prepare for the virus, things might have turned out differently. If, in midsummer, the country had doubled down on the measures (masks, social-distancing rules, restricted indoor activities and public gatherings) that seemed to be working, instead of prematurely declaring victory, things might have turned out differently. The tragedy is that if science and common sense solutions were united in a national, coordinated response, the U.S. could have avoided many thousands of more deaths this summer.

Indeed, many other countries in similar situations were able to face this challenge where the U.S. apparently could not. Italy, for example, had a similar per capita case rate as the U.S. in April. By emerging slowly from lockdowns, limiting domestic and foreign travel, and allowing its government response to be largely guided by scientists, Italy has kept COVID-19 almost entirely at bay. In that same time period, U.S. daily cases doubled, before they started to fall in late summer.

Among the world’s wealthy nations, only the U.S. has an outbreak that continues to spin out of control. Of the 10 worst-hit countries, the U.S. has the seventh-highest number of deaths per 100,000 population; the other nine countries in the top 10 have an average per capita GDP of $10,195, compared to $65,281 for the U.S. Some countries, like New Zealand, have even come close to eradicating COVID-19 entirely. Vietnam, where officials implemented particularly intense lockdown measures, didn’t record a single virus-related death until July 31.

There is nothing auspicious about watching the summer turn to autumn; all the new season brings are more hard choices. At every level–from elected officials responsible for the lives of millions to parents responsible for the lives of one or two children–Americans will continue to have to make nearly impossible decisions, despite the fact that after months of watching their country fail, many are now profoundly distrustful, uneasy and confused.

John Moore—Getty ImagesFriends and family mourn the death of Conrad Coleman Jr. on July 3 in New Rochelle, N.Y. Coleman, 39, died of COVID-19 on June 20, just over two months after his father also died of the disease

At this point, we can start to see why the U.S. foundered: a failure of leadership at many levels and across parties; a distrust of scientists, the media and expertise in general; and deeply ingrained cultural attitudes about individuality and how we value human lives have all combined to result in a horrifically inadequate pandemic response. COVID-19 has weakened the U.S. and exposed the systemic fractures in the country, and the gulf between what this nation promises its citizens and what it actually delivers.

Although America’s problems were widespread, they start at the top. A complete catalog of President Donald Trump’s failures to address the pandemic will be fodder for history books. There were weeks wasted early on stubbornly clinging to a fantastical belief that the virus would simply “disappear”; testing and contact tracing programs were inadequate; states were encouraged to reopen ahead of his own Administration’s guidelines; and statistics were repeatedly cherry-picked to make the U.S. situation look far better than it was, while undermining scientists who said otherwise. “I wanted to always play it down,” Trump told the journalist Bob Woodward on March 19 in a newly revealed conversation. “I still like playing it down, because I don’t want to create a panic.”

Common-sense solutions like face masks were undercut or ignored. Research shows that wearing a facial covering significantly reduces the spread of COVID-19, and a pre-existing culture of mask wearing in East Asia is often cited as one reason countries in that region were able to control their outbreaks. In the U.S., Trump did not wear a mask in public until July 11, more than three months after the CDC recommended facial coverings, transforming what ought to have been a scientific issue into a partisan one. A Pew Research Center survey published on June 25 found that 63% of Democrats and Democratic-leaning independents said masks should always be worn in public, compared with 29% of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents.

By far the government’s most glaring failure was a lack of adequate testing infrastructure from the beginning. Testing is key to a pandemic response–the more data officials have about an outbreak, the better equipped they are to respond. Rather than call for more testing, Trump has instead suggested that maybe the U.S. should be testing less. He has repeatedly, and incorrectly, blamed increases in new cases on more testing. “If we didn’t do testing, we’d have no cases,” the President said in June, later suggesting he was being sarcastic. But less testing only means fewer cases are detected, not that they don’t exist. In the U.S. the percentage of tests coming back positive increased from about 4.5% in mid-June to about 5.7% as of early September, evidence the virus was spreading regardless of whether we tested for it. (By comparison, Germany’s overall daily positivity rate is under 3% and in Italy it’s about 2%.)

Testing in the U.S. peaked in July, at about 820,000 new tests administered per day, according to the COVID Tracking Project, but as of this writing has fallen to about 740,000. Some Americans now say they are waiting more than two weeks for their test results, a delay that makes the outcome all but worthless, as people can be infected in the window between when they get tested and when they receive their results.

Most experts believe that early on, we did not understand the full scale of the spread of the virus because we were testing only those who got sick. But now we know 30% to 45% of infected people who contract the virus show no symptoms whatsoever and can pass it on. When there’s a robust and accessible testing system, even asymptomatic cases can be discovered and isolated. But as soon as testing becomes inaccessible again, we’re back to where we were before: probably missing many cases.

Tod Seelie—The GuardianPeople sleeping in a parking lot in Las Vegas after a homeless shelter shut down because of COVID-19

Seven months after the coronavirus was found on American soil, we’re still suffering hundreds, sometimes more than a thousand, deaths every day. An American Nurses Association survey from late July and early August found that of 21,000 U.S. nurses polled, 42% reported either widespread or intermittent shortages in personal protective equipment (PPE) like masks, gloves and medical gowns. Schools and colleges are attempting to open for in-person learning only to suffer major outbreaks and send students home; some of them will likely spread the virus in their communities. More than 13 million Americans remain unemployed as of August, according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data published Sept. 4.

U.S. leaders have largely eschewed short- and medium-term unflashy solutions in favor of perceived silver bullets, like a vaccine–hence the Administration’s “Operation Warp Speed,” an effort to accelerate vaccine development. The logic of focusing so heavily on magic-wand solutions fails to account for the many people who will suffer and die in the meantime even while effective strategies to fight COVID-19 already exist.

We’re also struggling because of the U.S. health care system. The country spends nearly 17% of annual GDP on health care–far more than any other nation in the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. Yet it has one of the lowest life expectancies, at 78.6 years, comparable to those in countries like Estonia and Turkey, which spend only 6.4% and 4.2% of their GDP on health care, respectively. Even the government’s decision to cover coronavirus-related treatment costs has ended up in confusion and fear among lower income patients thanks to our dysfunctional medical billing system.

The coronavirus has laid bare the inequalities of American public health. Black Americans are nearly three times as likely as white Americans to get COVID-19, nearly five times as likely to be hospitalized and twice as likely to die. As the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes, being Black in the U.S. is a marker of risk for underlying conditions that make COVID-19 more dangerous, “including socioeconomic status, access to health care and increased exposure to the virus due to occupation (e.g., frontline, essential and critical infrastructure workers).” In other words, COVID-19 is more dangerous for Black Americans because of generations of systemic racism and discrimination. The same is true to a lesser extent for Native American and Latino communities, according to CDC data.

COVID-19, like any virus, is mindless; it doesn’t discriminate based on the color of a person’s skin or the figure in their checking account. But precisely because it attacks blindly, the virus has given further evidence for the truth that was made clear this summer in response to another of the country’s epidemics, racially motivated police violence: the U.S. has not adequately addressed its legacy of racism.

Neil Blake—The Grand Rapids Press/APThe line for a drive-through food pantry in Grand Rapids, Mich.

Americans today tend to value the individual over the collective. A 2011 Pew survey found that 58% of Americans said “freedom to pursue life’s goals without interference from the state” is more important than the state guaranteeing “nobody is in need.” It’s easy to view that trait as a root cause of the country’s struggles with COVID-19; a pandemic requires people to make temporary sacrifices for the benefit of the group, whether it’s wearing a mask or skipping a visit to their local bar.

Americans have banded together in times of crisis before, but we need to be led there. “We take our cues from leaders,” says Dr. David Rosner, a professor at Columbia University. Trump and other leaders on the right, including Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida and Gov. Tate Reeves of Mississippi, respectively, have disparaged public-health officials, criticizing their calls for shutting down businesses and other drastic but necessary measures. Many public-health experts, meanwhile, are concerned that the White House is pressuring agencies like the Food and Drug Administration to approve treatments such as convalescent plasma despite a lack of supportive data. Governors, left largely on their own, have been a mixed bag, and even those who’ve been praised, like New York’s Andrew Cuomo, could likely have taken more aggressive action to protect public health.

Absent adequate leadership, it’s been up to everyday Americans to band together in the fight against COVID-19. To some extent, that’s been happening–doctors, nurses, bus drivers and other essential workers have been rightfully celebrated as heroes, and many have paid a price for their bravery. But at least some Americans still refuse to take such a simple step as wearing a mask.

Why? Because we’re also in the midst of an epistemic crisis. Republicans and Democrats today don’t just disagree on issues; they disagree on the basic truths that structure their respective realities. Half the country gets its news from places that parrot whatever the Administration says, true or not; half does not. This politicization manifests in myriad ways, but the most vital is this: in early June (at which point more than 100,000 Americans had already died of COVID-19), fewer than half of Republican voters polled said the outbreak was a major threat to the health of the U.S. population as a whole. Throughout July and August, the White House’s Coronavirus Task Force was sending private messages to states about the severity of the outbreak, while President Trump and Vice President Mike Pence publicly stated that everything was under control.

Some incredulity about the virus and public-health recommendations is understandable given the reality that scientific understanding of the newly emergent virus is evolving in real time. The ever shifting advice from health officials doesn’t instill public confidence, especially in those already primed to be skeptical of experts. “Because this is a new infectious disease, a new virus, we don’t have all the answers scientifically,” says Colleen Barry, chair of the department of health policy and management at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. “I think that creates an environment that could potentially erode trust even further over time.” But the trust fractures on partisan lines. While 43% of Democrats told Pew in 2019 that they had a “great deal” of trust in scientists, only 27% of Republicans said the same.

Truly worrying are the numbers of Americans who already say they are hesitant to receive an eventual COVID-19 vaccination. Mass vaccination will work only with enough buy-in from the public; the damage the President and others are doing to Americans’ trust in science could have significant consequences for the country’s ability to get past this pandemic.

There’s another disturbing undercurrent to Americans’ attitude toward the pandemic thus far: a seeming willingness to accept mass death. As a nation we may have become dull to horrors that come our way as news, from gun violence to the seemingly never-ending incidents of police brutality to the water crises in Flint, Mich., and elsewhere. Americans seem to have already been inured to the idea that other Americans will die regularly, when they do not need to.

It is difficult to quantify apathy. But what else could explain that nearly half a year in, we still haven’t figured out how to equip the frontline workers who, in trying to save the lives of others, are putting their own lives at risk? What else could explain why 66% of Americans–roughly 217.5 million people–still aren’t always wearing masks in public?

Despite all that, it seems the U.S. is finally beginning to make some progress again: daily cases have fallen from a high of 20.5 per capita in July to around 12 in early September. But we’re still well above the springtime numbers–the curve may be flattening, but it’s leveling out at a point that’s pretty frightening. Furthermore, experts worry that yet another wave could come this winter, exacerbated by the annual flu season.

Jae C. Hong—APCardboard cutout “fans” at an L.A. Angels baseball game

There are reasons for optimism. Efforts to create a vaccine continue at breakneck speed; it’s possible at least one will be available by the end of the year. Doctors are getting better at treating severe cases, in part because of new research on treatments like steroids (although some patients are suffering far longer than expected, a phenomenon known as “long-haul COVID”). As the virus rages, perhaps more Americans will follow public-health measures.

But there is plenty of room for improvement. At the very least, every American should have access to adequate PPE–especially those in health care, education, food service and other high-risk fields. We need a major investment in testing and tracing, as other countries have done. Our leaders need to listen to experts and let policy be driven by science. And for the time being, all of us need to accept that there are certain things we cannot, or should not, do, like go to the movies or host an indoor wedding.

“Americans [may] start to say, ‘If everyone’s not wearing masks, if everyone’s not social distancing, if people are having family parties inside with lots of people together, if we’re flouting the public-health recommendations, we’re going to keep seeing transmission,'” says Ann Keller, an associate professor at the UC Berkeley School of Public Health.

The U.S. is no longer the epicenter of the global pandemic; that unfortunate torch has been passed to countries like India, Argentina and Brazil. And in the coming months there might yet be a vaccine, or more likely a cadre of vaccines, that finally halts the march of COVID-19 through the country. But even so, some 200,000 Americans have already died, and many more may do so before a vaccine emerges unless America starts to implement and invest in the science-based solutions already available to us. Each one of those lives lost represents an entire world, not only of those individuals but also of their family, friends, colleagues and loved ones. This is humbling–and it should be. The only path forward is one of humility, of recognition that if America is exceptional with regard to COVID-19, it’s in a way most people would not celebrate.

–With reporting by Emily Barone and Julia Zorthian/New York

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Doctor Strange 2: Every Theory About What Starts The Multiverse of Madness https://youtu.be/WA4P_5rcw-U Benedict Cumberbatch will be back as Doctor Strange in 2022 withDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, nonetheless what starts the titular multiverse of craziness? Doctor Strange was last seen returning from the dead inAvengers: Endgame, assisting the combined heroes take care of Thanos as well as additionally his stress as the Mad Titan looked for the Infinity Stones for the last time. Shortly afterAvengers: Endgamestruck theater, Kevin Feige - President of Marvel Studios - disclosed the upcoming slate of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, as well as additionally the enigmatically-titledDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madnesswas among them. The film's title has really generated obvious intrigue as fans challenge what 'Multiverse of Madness' actually recommends for the character as well as additionally the MCU at substantial. Marvel fans will definitely presently acknowledge with the concept of the Multiverse; a collection of option Earths as well as additionally the same universes, where the differences can be infinitesimally little or devastatingly enormous. Marvel Studios' preliminary computer system animated programWhat If?will definitely find a range of these various timelines, containing Peter Parker happening Hawkeye as well as additionally Peggy Carter happening Captain America.Doctor Strange2possibly sends Doctor Strange speeding with the multiverse, fighting as well as additionally finding his back to his extremely own world, greater than most likely saving asserted multiverse at the very same time. But what will cause Doctor Strange's journey with the multiverse? What starts the 'multiverse of craziness'? Here are all the identified ideas up previously. It's presently been disclosed that Wanda Maximoff - the Scarlet Witch - will definitely be turning up along with Doctor Strange inDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, following hersearch in Disney+ programWandaVision.From the fast glimpses ofWandaVision that target audience have really presently seen, Wanda seems living numerous lives with her dead follower Vision in some sort of altered reality/dream state. This has really created the idea that Wanda is either presently jumping with the multiverse inWandaVision, or she has really been captured in a wish by a challenger (see Nightmare, listed here) or that she has really drop hermind with misery as well as additionally began to establish different realities all by herself. It's more than likely that Scarlet Witch is the factor for the multiverse of craziness due to her marquee search in the adhere to up, together with her history of creating different timelines - like the House of M - in Marvel Comics, numerous thanks to her reality-warping powers. If Marvel Studios were to make use of the House of M different truth, they can additionally eventually bring the X-Men right into the MCU. Other evidence attributed to Scarlet Witch being the factor for the multiverse of craziness originates from Doctor Strange's indirect task for Vision's death inAvengers: Infinity War. After giving up the Time Stone to Thanos, the Mad Titan rapidly headed to Earth where he tore the Mind Stone from Vision's head, removing him. Wanda Maximoff can like vengeance for Doctor Strange's hand in her sweetie's death,which could afterwards produce the Multiverse of Madness. Loki arises from program up in his extremely own Disney+ program Loki, sticking to the events ofAvengers: Endgame; could that be an oblique rock ahead to be the crook ofDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness?News has really presently harmed that his self-titled program will definitely concentrate around the 2012 variant of Loki that entrusted the Tesseract after the Avengers' time-travel flub, as well as additionally with the Space Stone accidentally in his possession, 2012 Loki can jump about deep area any type of location he wishes. Recent images have really disclosed Loki as a detainee of the Time Variance Authority - the authorities responsible of protecting the timestream from meddling - after transferring with time.Concept art has really disclosed Loki in New York in the 1970s, as well as additionally the minute cops are more than likely not additionally pleased with his disruption with the time/space continuum. Could such meddling create a multiverse of craziness? What's details is that 2012 Loki is not recommended to exist past that timeline. 2019 Loki was removed by Thanos, as well as additionally Captain America returning all the Infinity Stones to the aspects where they were taken recommends that Loki never ever before requires to have actually escaped. Loki's continued survival recommends condition for the multiverse, as defined by the Ancient One inAvengers: Endgame; consider him a strong opposition for the factor for the titular craziness inDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. The Avengers themselves could have been the factor for the events ofDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.As the Ancient One defined to Smart Hulk inAvengers: Endgame throughout their 'time burglary' of the Infinity Stones, if amongst the Stones is removed from its place in time it can cause that to branch off as well as additionally stumble. This would definitely establish a darker, splinter truth. Smart Hulk counters this harmful forecast by suggesting that the Avengers return the Stones to their preliminary place in the timeline when do with them in their existing, as a result recouping stability. TheAncient One is eventually motivated when alerted that Doctor Strange willingly surrendered the Time Stone to Thanos, as he would certainly not have really done that if there were absolutely nothing else ways. Regardless of the truth that Captain America returned all the Infinity Stones to whence they came sticking toAvengers: Endgame (creating a more than likely unpleasant interaction with Red Skull), each rock was still removed from the place come before as well as additionally time they were indicated to be.It can be practical that the removal of the Time Stone -along with the others - created the fracturing of realities that the Ancient One signaled of. Disturbingly, this would definitely suggest that the Avengers might supervise of the start of thefracturing of the multiverse inDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. The Ancient One signals Smart Hulk that the removal of the Time Stone (together withthe different other Infinity Stones) leaves deep area powerless versus any type of sort of selection of threats. What would definitely she require to declare when she uncovers that Thanos figured out to destroy all the Stones after effectively using them to eliminate half of all life in deep area?One idea is that Thanos' destruction of all the Stones removes the exceptionally bedrock of manufacturing, therefore perhaps produce condition as well as additionally danger in the entire multiverse. If Thanos' destruction of the Infinity Stones triggers the multiverse damaging down understand itself - a genuine Multiverse of Madness - Doctor Strange will definitely call for all the aid he can go into Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. InDoctor Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme had the capacity to finest the Dread Dormammu by recording him in a plenty of technicality of being encountered by Strange as well as additionally eliminating him, over as well as additionally over once more. This forced Dormammu to assure never ever before to strike Earth once more, as well as additionally the multidimensional being is bound by his word; that does not suggest that fans will definitely never ever before see him once more. If Dormammu returns forDoctor Strange 2,he can be settling on him utilizing causing the multiverse craziness. When Scott Derrickson was still due to overview the then-unnamed adhere to up to Doctor Strange(he has really because been transformed by Sam Raimi)he was vocal singing worrying havingNightmare be the crook. Nightmare was indicated to be the crook ofDoctor Strange, nonetheless was considered additionallyexposition-heavy. Marvel fans will definitely recognize Nightmare as the leader of the Dream Dimension, as well as additionally is rather crazy about positioning Strange with different examinations as well as additionally misfortunes for his extremely own home entertainment. Scott Derrickson could have taken care of to establish Nightmare as the crook before his pleasant splitting up from themanager's chair; he is remaining on as an Executive Producerso it's practical he can still place in some sort of effect overDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.Nightmare would definitely make great feeling as the factor for the Multiverse of Madness. If the events ofDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of the Madnessare a follow-on fromWandaVision, oneidea (added defined onMovieWeb) goes that Nightmare supervises of sending Wanda Maximoff right into duplicated desire for a spectacular life with her dearly-departed Vision. The fast video clip footage seen fromWandaVision program Wanda as well as additionally Vision in a range of different sitcom-esque scenarios. This can be the Dream Dimension at the office; when integrated with Wanda's reality-altering powers, possibly the start of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. However, with Derrickson gone from the manager's chair, Nightmare's unification presently looks a lot less more than likely. Following the Disney purchase of 20th Century Fox, the movie lawful civil liberties to the Fantastic Four as well as additionally their crooks are eventually back house at Marvel Studios. This recommends that fan-favorite crook Doctor Doom can eventually exist to the MCU, particularly considering his previously-announced solo flick under Noah Hawley's guidelines is "in limbo"after the combining. With production onDoctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madnesspaused due to the COVID-19 episode,it's stone's throw far too late for Marvel to retroactively include Doctor Doom as the factor for asserted craziness considering that they have him back in their constant. At this variable, any type of sort of idea suggesting Doctor Doom being the crook in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness is pure supposition. The concentrate on Doctor Doom as a sorcerer at first as well as additionally a scientist second in his currently continual comics collection suggest that a search in the Doctor Strange franchise company can be an ideal preliminary action for Doom in the MCU. His fantastic capacities can definitely help in tearing with the multiverse, nonetheless time will definitely educate if Doctor Doom is the factor for the events of Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. https://videofeed.tv/movies-upcoming-releases-trailers/extraction-trailer-chris-hemsworth-stars-in-netflix-action-thriller/