#the old hyperfixation is still bubbling in the back of my brain

[auxiliarydetective]

Dear D3F fandom, you'll be happy to know that Jelena Charkova will be added to my OC list!

Warum darf sie auf meine OC list wenn sie eigentlich ein canon character ist? Ganz einfach, weil meine "Standardversion" von ihr ziemlich anders als canon!Jelena ist (nicht in Sachen personality, keine Sorge) und weil sie so formativ für meinen Blog war, dass sie es einfach verdient hat. Außerdem hat mein Portrayal von ihr, wie viele von meinen alten OCs, dringend ein Revamp nötig.

Einige Leute, die schon ganz von Anfang an auf diesem Blog dabei sind, wissen vielleicht, dass das ganze hier als D3F-Blog gestartet ist - speziell als Blog für mein Auxiliary AU. Deswegen heiße ich auxiliarydetective. Meine URL ist ein Hinweis auf Auxiliary!Jelena. Der Hauptunterschied zwischen Auxiliary!Jelena und canon!Jelena ist eigentlich, dass Auxiliary!Jelena nicht im Rollstuhl sitzt. Vor drei(?) Jahren hab ich das einfach mal aus Praktizitätsgründen so festgelegt und da kein großes Ding drin gesehen, aber heutzutage... Problematisch. Würde ich wohl nicht mehr so machen. Aber da ihre Fähigkeit zu laufen für Auxiliary!Jelena leider ziemlich wichtig ist, kann ich jetzt auch nicht mehr zurückgehen. Also, Zeit für ein bisschen Recherche und ein Auxiliary AU remake!

Erstmal wird Jelena aber offiziell in den Status des pseudo-OC erhoben und auf diverse Listen gesetzt und damit in den Topf für potentielle random Projekte geworfen! Zu allererst aber ihr Geburtstags-Moodboard, ihr designierter Geburtstag wird nämlich der 8. Februar - das Erscheinungsdatum von ihrem Hörspiel-Debut! Damit gehört sie zu den Moodboards, die ich nachholen muss, und wird in Kürze erscheinen :)

Also, bis dahin, Kollegen!

(@sehr-wohl-die-herrschaften hello it's me-)

[cherryredstars]

Hi cherry! First of all thank you for your work, your writing has permanently altered my brain chemistry 😳😳 I was wondering if u could write something where Miguel and his ex reunite after a bad breakup, perhaps a few months after (maybe they bump into each other during a party or smth) and as they finally talk both admit that they never managed to move on (like reader went on a few unsuccessful dates, since shes still obsessed with Miguel it has been pointless) they are still in love and they want to make it work this time!!! And since they are back together reader is rlly needy and touchstarved 🥴🥴 she missed him so so much and all,,,,

thx again for feeding my miguel’s hyperfixation!! you are one of my fave authors here ❤️❤️ you deserve the world!!

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x fem!reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Fingering, Squirting

A/N: Hello and thank you, love 🫶🏼! Enjoy!!

Unedited

Well, this was another disaster.

You’re practically moping at your reflection in the bar’s bathroom. You’ve been hiding in there for more than ten minutes, but you would be surprised if your date- even if he’s not worthy of the small title- has even noticed your absence.

The whole night had been a disaster, right from the very start. Not only had your date been twenty minutes late, but he also failed to so much as greet you for more than 5 seconds before ordering himself a beer and turning his eyes to the small bar TV to watch the old sports rerun from the night before. You would cringe when he loudly reacted to the events on the screen as if it were happening in real time, making the people around you turn to him with perplexed and judgmental looks that made you want to crawl under the bar and out the door. Your attempts to distract him from the game with small talk only turned to him giving half-assed information about himself and him asking if you’re covering the tab for his beers.

What a stellar experience!

You stall in the bathroom a bit longer by being extra delicate in your lip reapplication, all the while whining to yourself in your head about how you could have saved your outfit for a better occasion. With another sigh and a planned excuse to end the night early, you hype yourself up to leave the bathroom and return to your date.

When you open the door, you almost stumble into someone’s chest. You blink in surprise, an apology forming on your lips as you slowly lift your head up. The words instantly shrivel up and die when you meet familiar red tinted eyes, the air in your lungs suspending.

Miguel, sporting his usual grumpy look, instantly softens as he meets your eyes. He seems to take you in, like your the first sign of water since taking a cruel journey through the desert. The look alone is enough for your heart to go into overdrive

Despite the sudden dryness in your throat, you manage a small smile, “Hi.”

The one word is soft, almost tentative. It makes something in Miguel crave more. He’s been wanting more the moment the two of you broke up, the reason stupid after a few months apart.

He returns the smile, hands going to his pockets to fight off the temptation to grab you and never let you go, “Hi, I like the dress.”

Your eyes instantly fall down to take in your outfit, cheeks blazing from the compliment. Your fingers play with the hem of the skirt, a bashful thank you bubbling from your lips. It makes Miguel’s smile just slightly larger as your eyes hesitantly meet his again.

A silence fills the space, both of you caught up on things you could- should- say to each other. The silence begins to grow awkward, and Miguel finds it to be the perfect opportunity to slowly reach his hand out.

He means to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, but the pounding in his chest makes him miscalculate slightly and instead skims the apple of your cheek. The touch shoots rapid jolts of electricity down your spine, awakening your nerves from a long hibernation. Your hand desperately grabs at his wrist, trying to keep his hand in place. Then suddenly, everything is fast forwarded.

Your lips crash together in a hungry, desperate urge to be closer. Your bodies pushing against each other until your smaller body is pushed back through the bathroom door, the lock faintly clicking behind the two of you as you’re lifted up and placed onto the counter. Your hands exploring inches of skin that you still know like it’s your own. Refamilarising yourself with every bulge of muscle and every dip.

Despite the vicious need to have you naked against him, for your skin to press against his and swap a cycle of warmth, Miguel grits his teeth and restrains for ripping clothes off of your body. This place is filthy, and he doesn’t want to tarnish your skin. Instead, his hand slips under the hem of your dress, pressing into the soaked spot growing in the fabric of your panties.

Your body bristles from the contact, your sex burning hot and throbbing. You squirm, your body already begging for more. Miguel reads you instantly, slipping his fingers under the fabric until he grazes your twitchy clit and reaches your leaking hole. He circles his fingers around the wet entrance, lubricating his fingers with your arousal before slowly pushing them in.

A low whine escapes you, your walls clamping down hard around his fingers. Miguel hisses at the vice grip you have on him, his thumb attempting to relax you by circling your clit. It makes you whine more, practically squirming on his hand.

Miguel buries his face into your neck, kissing and sucking at the column of skin, “Fuck baby, you’re so sensitive.”

You can only sniffle in response, your mind zeroing in on the slow curling of Miguel’s fingers. Your eyes are half lidded and hazy, small moans leaving your lips as the tips of his fingers press into the gummy spot inside of you. The pleasure grows quickly, pent up sexual frustration from dates you wouldn’t even let into your home and late nights at work to distract yourself from the ache in your heart unleashing and flowing down Miguel’s wrist.

With a combination of thrusting and curling, your body spasms with a choked moan as you collapse against him. He can feel the gush of your release spray against his hand, creating wet squelches as he continues to work you through it. Clear drops landing on the counter eventually begin to form a small puddle under you as your panties become completely soaked through.

You’re fighting for breath once you come down from your high, mind foggy and stuck in a state of bliss. Miguel slowly pulls his fingers out, his entire palm soaked with clear arousal. A stray drop runs down his arm, and he’s quick to catch it with his tongue. He almost comes in his pants as the sweet taste explodes in his mouth, making him hungry for more. He fights the urge for now, promising himself it’ll come with time before grabbing napkins from the dispenser and cleaning the inside of your thighs and the puddle under you.

He slowly pulls your soaked underwear down, recognizing the flash of discomfort that comes over your face as you come back to earth, stuffing the fabric in his pocket before helping you down onto your shaky feet. You hold onto his arm tightly feeling as if you’re trying to balance on jello, and Miguel wraps an arm around your waist to stabilize you. Your breath is still slightly irregular, and you take the moment to close your eyes and lean your head against his chest. You can hear the pace of his heart, not a bit surprised that it mimics yours.

“Come home with me.”

You smile into his chest, humming.

Like he even had to ask.

[catboii]

((just a "little" (ha) update I guess, nothing major, just a note that I'm sorry if I post alot this week with seemingly no regard for my/my muse's vast presence on the dash, or if I end up writing alot of short weird drabbles to vent.... if there's questionable stuff it'll be tagged like always <3

I understand if you need to unfollow me to keep your dash clear for other people if you're mobile etc. or if you need to blacklist my muse's url for a bit if it's overwhelming

After xmas everything may have settled and if you wanna refollow then I'd welcome you back and wouldn't ask any questions. your comfort (whatever that may classify as in the context) is my utmost priority!

normally I try not to clutter, and I try to keep general post reblogs minimal and just queue most of them. I'm just... not doing too good rn

then again it's a 50/50 that I'll be posting nothing at all, just making my muse's presence known if it wants to sorta wave at someone from the depths of my brain hell jail.

I'll still be checking in around xmas stuff bc this muse gives me v happy bubbly vibes whenever I write it and that's honestly what I need rn.

I'm sorry if your muse reblogs/replies to one of mine's posts or smth and I seemingly glance over it. I genuinely just didn't see it. I always try and respond to stuff, or if it doesn't know how to reply I at least acknowledge that my muse saw it by liking it. but I might not have the mental capacity to actually keep up w stuff

...

BASICALLY I'm either gonna be kinda quiet or rly hyperfixated on not being in my own head for the next week or so.

I'm obv stressed anyway bc I need to do xmas shopping still and it's a struggle bc online it probs won't come in time. we're going "late night shopping" on thursday though so hopefully we can get a bunch of stuff then

but mainly an old work friend of mine passed away today. He's been unwell for a few years, and I dunno if he knew what it was and was just keeping it quiet, or if they genuinely couldn't work it out. last I heard he was getting MRIs.

I had a complicated relationship w him (positive) bc he was either bipolar or had BPD like me (although he wasn't diagnosed with either, but it was obvious he at least had bipolar), and if you know anything abt BPD you know what an FP (favourite person) is, and we were sort of each other's when we were working together? I think. like I say he wasn't diagnosed, but it felt like that. we hit it off really quick and were both really comfortable with each other, and he was just the sweetest most supportive person. he was one of my FPs, which basically means my brain was cursed to be in intense friendlove with him. He would tell me that he loved me and appreciated my friendship, was always saying you need to tell people you love them, however you can, however you mean it, because you don't know if you'll ever get to tell them again

he always showed off the little things I made him and made sure everyone knew exactly where he got the silly little origami animals on his desk, or who made his juggling balls that were his favourite thing in the whole world bc I made them for him by hand, and picked the fabric out specifically for him.

One time around xmas, bc of covid, we had these big plastic screen dividers between our desks and I used posca paint pens to draw him a HUGE Robin in a scarf and santa hat (his name was Robin and people always got him little Robin themed things, he loved them) on the one by his manager desk, like a name tag, but Facilities told him he needed to clean it off and chastised him thinking he did it, and you're "not supposed to vandalise work equipment" even though they're literally washable and it was xmas. we were sticking decorations everywhere, how is it any different? but he played along but he was really mad. He didn;t wanna say it was me that did it, because he thought I might've gotten in trouble, but he also wanted to argue that I'd put alot of work into it. I hadn't put that much in, it was just for fun and I liked drawing it, and he got to see it! That was the important part. and I said so. but I cleaned it off and drew him a new Robin on a piece of paper and he kept it at his desk like a retired picket sign, and told the story to anyone who would be polite enough to listen

mostly though, he gendered me correctly (and he was in his 60s so being so passionate abt they/them pronouns was just really sweet, though he was clearly bi but still in the closet, so it was maybe a little projection, in a way, or just straight up quiet queer solidarity), and literally agressively made sure everyone else did too, when he realised I'd been just letting people at work use whatever pronouns, he got really proactive and made sure all my paperwork was marked as "them" officially (with my permission). if anyone misgenered me he would get visably annoyed or disgusted, and there were a couple people who "forgot" (every time) and he actually got angry at them about it and reported them for harassment, which might've been a little extreme, but I honestly felt so validated, and I'm tearing up thinking about it. I don't think anyone's ever fought that hard in my corner, especially after only knowing me for, at that point, less than a year.

We worked together in a couple different parts of the business for a couple years, until some stuff happened that I shouldn't say bc I need my rp blog(s) to stay far away from my professional life, but we were gonna be working together doing something else, but it wasn't his thing, it was stressful and there were other reasons, but he just lost it and walked out.

we had a little joke when we were training before he left, he had this soft toy robin that he let me borrow because I was really anxious, and I gave it a little notepad and pencil and wrote something silly on it for when he got it back each time. usually some out of context joke on what we learned that day, so we could both laugh about it. but when he left I still had it, and I messaged him saying I would get it back to him sometime, but he said to keep it to remind me of him.

I put it away to keep it safe, but I'm gonna have to go and find it, because it's one of the only physical things I have left of him.

[forthesanityofstorytellers]

Hi buddy! Its Athena, I'm sending this out to all my mutuals - what got you into writing, what inspires you, who inspires you and what music inspires you to write? what do you love about writing?

Hi Athena!

I'm pretty sure storytelling was always in my blood...or at least in my mind. I was coming up with stuff before I knew how to write, using pictures and telling whoever would listen what they related to 😂

I even still have a 'book' that my mom made where she took my drawings and asked me about each one, wrote down what I said, put them in order an then folded and stapled them together. She encouraged it as I grew; there was an old kit that was circulating when I was in maybe second/third grade where you wrote out a story, put them in order, drew pictures, etc and put them into this large envelope and sent it off to whatever company was doing the kit at the time and they'd send you back a hardbound copy of your work. I actually have two of those but one of them never got sent in because I didn't finish it in time so I just have a roughly stapled version of the papers and a half-written story somewhere, lol

Anything can inspire me at this point (music included, I'm one of those that will be randomly listening to a song before going 'AH CHARACTER/PLOT DEVELOPMENT' and hyperfixating on said song for the next few days while I write insanely), I once wrote a drabble (?I think it was) about a bubble because I saw it flying around in the kitchen and went "hm. If this thing was aware of itself what would it be thinking of?" I'm special 😂

For a 'who' I'd have to say my dad. Not for anything in particular, I just...owe my love of reading, fantasy, story/plot analysis, critical thinking, puzzle-solving, nerdness, and general "luring stray thoughts into my lair with tasty treats and train them into full-on stories and subjects before unleashing them on the unsuspecting public" to him.

I don't know what I love about writing, really. It's more like if I don't write I think my anxiety would spike until my head exploded and there would be a bunch of little Sanity's running around causing chaos. It's a matter of public safety that I continue to write and contain all the gremlins in their literary cages.

And now you've gotten a glimpse into Sanity's brain, whether you were looking to know that much about me or not! 😂

Thanks for the ask!!

[kellycataclysm]

Saw this and thought it would be a fun way to warm up for a little writing this afternoon. Join in if you feel like it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 23, which includes 1 collab.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 258,208, due to go up by about 8k in a day or two.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only Stardew Valley and I started in September 2023. The hyperfixation is real, plus I feel if I squeezed anything else into my overly distracted brain I'd forget something important, like how to drive or something.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos: The Words We Never Say, Whispered Dreams of Stardust, Ask Me Anything, Walk of Shame, and Always in My Dreams.

5. Do you respond to comments? Gosh, yes! It means so much that people not only read my work but are kind enough to comment, so I am absolutely going to reply to every single lovely comment offered.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I haven't written anything with an angsty ending, yet. My long fic started in a very angsty place. I am about to work on my very first Harvey x Farmer fic, a story without my oc Lyra, and that one will have an angsty ending.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Everything I write has a happy ending, so it's hard to say, especially since I am still two chapters away from completing my first long fic and it will likely be that! I'm currently finishing up the last chapter to my current fic, Echoes of Autumn and that will have a very lovely ending. Perhaps my favourite happy ending is Ask Me Anything. It is so warm and hopeful.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I haven't. I really hope I don't.

9. Do you write smut? ALL. THE. TIME.

10. Craziest crossover? I haven't done a cross-over but the collab I contributed to, while purely SDV was kinda wild, and so much fun to be part of.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so. I hope not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have collaborated on a fic that is currently on A03, something for a very small zine, and have plans for my next collab with a good friend. It's lots of fun!

14. All time favourite ship? Gosh I'm not sure I could narrow it down really. I love the idea of Gus and Marnie, they're just so wholesome. Plus, Shane and Haley just work for me.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I haven't met a wip I haven't finished yet. Even though I tend to get distracted by new ideas, I always try to come back to them. I even have my work listed in order of priority on my Discord server. Of course, the muse takes you on various journeys but I try really hard to finish everything.

16. What are your writing strengths? Maybe establishing the scene? Atmosphere, emotion, that kind of thing. Maybe dialogue? I'm not sure. It's hard to pick your own strengths, especially when it's hard to feel confident in what you write.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Probably a lack of confidence. I second guess myself quite a lot and the old brain weasels can take hold very quickly. Also, honestly just wish I could swallow a thesaurus and knew more words.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I haven't done it, doubt I could. Also, I can't say I've actually read a fic where it has been used, other than the occasional term of endearment or something of that sort.

19. Favourite fic you've written? Honestly, I really love Ask Me Anything. That fic bubbled away in my mind for six months before I wrote it. Then the muse took me in an unexpected direction and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out. While I am sure I will be super proud of finally finishing my long fic when I get those last two chapters done, I really poured my soul into AMA and I think it is probably the best thing I've ever written.

20. What's something you want to write someday? The promised and often teased Harvey's Birthday fic. Also, looking forward to completing development of the story for my next oc Daisy. Her fic will come in 2025 when I finish Lyra and Harvey's story.

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

Tagging @caelwynn, @basedharuhisuzumiya , @annetastic1981a, @lily-alphonse, @stardewfanficwriters, @writer-of-worlds, @purpleandgreen13 (seriously, though, no pressure) or anyone else who wants to talk about their fics :D

how many works do you have on ao3? 38

what's your total ao3 word count? 245,231 (holy crap)

what fandoms do you write for? Stardew Valley, Star Wars (well, I used to, anyway), Babysitters Club (also used to)

top five fics by kudos: 1. Forget Me Not (SDV) 2. Only Human (SW) 3. Coffee Beans, Candles, and Keyboards (SDV) 4. The Sunshine of Your Smile (SDV) 5. The Coruscant Masquerade Ball (SW) (LOL that my longfic has fewer kudos than random oneshots)

do you respond to comments? Yep! At least, I try to. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get around to it, because ADHD.

what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending? Black and White and Cute All Over, my June penguin fic. It turns out, while I love angst, I seem to give all my stories happy endings, for the most part?

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? LOL, pretty much all of them? A Tale of Two Princes literally has a "and they lived happily ever after" situation going on.

do you get hate on fics? I haven't yet. (I don't get much interaction at all, but what I do get tends to be positive, so yay for that.) I did once get an immense amount of hate from leaving an "I liked this" comment, so uh, fair warning to SDV fic fans: the author of "Hive" is completely fucking insane.

do you write smut? I can't :/ Even when I've been like "ok I think smut needs to happen here, maybe" I can't seem to do it. Maybe someday I'll get the courage, but I feel SO awkward and cringe about anything sex-related, I just panic and fade to black every time.

craziest crossover? I haven't really written any crossovers, I'm not super into that as a theme. I did write an entire "novel" in 9th grade where I traveled to the Star Wars galaxy and went on adventures with Jaina/Jacen/Anakin, maybe that counts (I don't think that belongs on Ao3, however-- although I DO know where that notebook is)

have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge, I'm not popular enough :D

have you ever had a fic translated? See above

have you ever co-written a fic before? Not co-written, but I've done some character beta-ing/advice for a couple of things. I advised on Ben's character in Caelwynn's Bluebell, and June's character in a TBA fic from Moe.

all-time favorite ship? That people have heard of? Sambastian and Victuuri. But my perpetual obsession is with Ben, my OC, and June from Ridgeside Village-- Ben's game is in Fall of Y9 at this point, my longest SDV save ever.

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't have any of them published, because I hate publishing things that don't have a plan to get finished-- OH WAIT I'm forgetting about my old BSC stuff from FF.net. Mary Anne and the Mother Mystery probably won't ever get finished, but maybe I'll post it to Ao3 anyway just for funsies? hahaha (edit: I just uploaded it to Ao3, but I still probably won't ever finish it)

what are your writing strengths? Dialogue and banter/teasing for sure, and I'd like to think that I'm decent with writing heartbreak/panic/difficult internal emotions, maybe?

what are your writing weaknesses? Show-don't-tell/worldbuilding, pacing, and for some reason I'm completely unable to write anything that's even remotely hot or sexy. I also suck at plot, I'm much better with oneshots or vignettes.

thoughts on dialogue in another language? Favorable as long as 1) there's a reason for it in the story, and 2) it's translated in the notes at the end.

favorite fic you've written? Have You Seen My Love?, which hilariously only has 1 kudos right now. It's a group chat with Ben's polycule, worrying about him when he goes to the mines and isn't responding to their texts or calls. It was SO fun to write and it still makes me laugh when I re-read it.

what's something you want to write someday? I want to do something for YOI, although (as I've said before) I'm intimidated because of the sheer amount of talent in that fandom already, and I want to finish the Sambastian bandfic I started that I kinda lost steam on (I ran out of plot, lol).

[nemo-in-wonderland]

So, as I mentioned yesterday night, I decided to share some of the stuff that I had created, back in 2007, for the Naruto Fandom.

Now, please, for the love of all that's holy, be lenient with me, because I was a bebe that just wanted to have fun and create her own little bubble in Konoha, playing with her own ocs and just have fun with different ideas!

here are 10 artworks that I chose from the old pictures I took of my artworks before leaving Italy, back in 2016.

I have to give credit to baby me, because she was more daring and less scared of making mistakes, but I have to be honest, it was much easier when I was doing all this just for myself.

Literally, this artworks have been seen only by my baby brother and my husband, when I met him (hilariously, through Naruto, because he had a Sasuke Pfp on his old Messenger Blog, and I was in full on Shippuuden hyperfixation when I contacted him), so I am a little nervous sharing them all here, in the open.

But they brought me SO MUCH joy, I loved them all SO MUCH, it's not even a joke!

So, here you have Yukaku Onikarasu Kureaki, my Demon Bird Girl, and Sayuri Onitora Kureaki, my Demon Tiger boy.

Sayuri has SUCH a special place in my heart, because he was the very first male character that I tried to draw, and I am still very proud of him to this day. I shipped him with Iruka, SO HARD. Like in my brain, they were OTP, and they still are to this day (tho, in later revisions, he is in a poly relationship with Iruka and Makoto Aoyama, a character from "Love Hina" another manga I absolutely ADORED).

Then you have small Yukaku, who was Sayuri's little sister, around the same age as Naruto, if a tad younger, and who I basically had hooked up with Kankuro, and moved to the Sunagakure, despite her basically being raised in Konoha.

Their whole story is rather complex, because they are siblings raised by different family (Sayuri in the Kumogagure, Yukaku in Konohagakure by Asuma and Kurenai). They were born as regular Shinobi, but because of who their parents were (and especially their mother - the one I portrayed in the last picture along with Tobirama Senju), they were tested upon, and infused with the genes of the Demonic Tiger and Demonic Crow, hence making them both, de facto, Oni.

This is just a very very VEEERY bare bone summary of who they are. As I said in my previous post on my main blog, the lore that I have going on for them is as extensive as the one I have for Assassin's Creed Syndicate, and if you know me, you know how freaking thorough and exhaustive that is.

(please, click on the pictures if you want to see them better!)

So, yeah!

Here you have a small sneak peek of what was going on in my mind during those years! 😂😂

Who knows, I might try to redraw them again, once I have my pen with me.

well, I hope you will like them just as much as I did love them (and still do).

--Nemo

[evilform]

soup eater, Gimme the works (all of the)m

AUTISM ACTIVATED. ok fuck this is gonna be long. under the cut it goes

📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?

😔 i am an anime enjoyer sadly enough. theres also the manga but i havent read that SO im just gonna be focusing on the anime for this one. uhhh (digging through my brain) none of this is going to be worded intelligently im sorry give me a moment.

there are these kids and some of them can turn into weapons. actually theres just weapon people in general and thats like Normal. dont ask too many lore questions. and they uhhh the kids go to a high school called the DWMA (lit. demon weapon-meister academy) focused on keeping the balance between good and evil. i uhhhhh

The anime is based on the Soul Eater manga series by Atsushi Ohkubo. The plot of the episodes follows Maka Albarn, a "meister" of the Death Weapon Meister Academy (DWMA), and her living weapon, Soul Eater, as she seeks to make the latter into a "death scythe" through absorbing the souls of evil humans.

thanks wikipedia

📌  how did you find your hyperfixation?

uhhh if im not mistaken an old friend introduced me to it back in 2018!! (hi holly the chances of you reading this are slim but hi) and it recently bubbled back up into my brain. ive been here for 2 years :heart:

✨  what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

i think that drew me towards it initially was the very halloweeny, early 2000s feel to it (and.. fair enough, it WAS made in 2008-2009 so its authentic) but what kept me reeled in was a lot of the themes and symbolism that i am waayy too tired to get into rn but i am just telling you bro this anime hits.. a little deep

and also canon nonbinary (even if shoddily translated at first) and psychotic characters win

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

i DO but i am keeping this spoiler free for you wife. these are all tearjerkers anyways so

🎶  if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?

just one? 🥺 honestly the anime’s entire OST goes hard as hell and its super hard picking favorites but here:

LOTUS JUICE - PSYCHEDELIC SOULJAM DJ SHINYA - NEVER LOSE MYSELF LOTUS JUICE - STEP UP

and this one isnt part of the ost butttt....

CHIAKI OMIGAWA/KOKI UCHIYAMA - SOUL EATER CHARACTER SONG (Soul&Maka) - MAUVE IRO NO SYMPATHY

💕  tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

i could say crona and talk about their character development and how much i see myself in them and how we share the same trauma. or i could say maka and talk about HER character development and how i see myself in her in the sense of always trying to be good enough and pushing her limits to be strong and resilient in the face of everything. or i could say stein and go in depth about how hes written as a psychotic character while still not letting that define his entire being and how much i see myself in HIM. or i could talk about kid and liz and patti a

💔  tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.

🏳‍🌈  do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

lesbian maka, trans/intersex/nonbinary/lesbian crona, transmasc blackstar, nonbinary kid... literally all of these kids are neurodivergent (i see myself in them moment part 3845875)

🍀  do you have any kins or comfort characters from your hyperfixation?

that’s a little personal don’tcha think?

all jokes aside i don’t think i “kin” but uhhhh. honestly most these characters are comfort characters to me. soul eater in general is comfort media

💎  are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

*does a silly little dance* OHKAY!

none of the soul eater games (there were 3 of them) were ever released outside of japan

black☆star is voiced by women in both the jp and eng dubs

maka was chiaki omigawa’s first VA role

💢  what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?

this isnt anime specific and i am thinking heavily of the manga crona boobage weirdness but every time atsushi ohkubo writes something weird with these characters i feel like this image. it fills me with primal rage

anyways thanks for listening this took me over an hour to write amd i kept bouncing around my room because i am so autistic and this series makes me so happy

[bearthethirdwheel]

I am goddamn fucking autistic. So is my mother. So is my little brother. So is my little sister. So is my little cousin.

Every goddamn time someone uses autistic as an insult, I get more and more confused. More often than not, they don’t even know what having autism truly means.

I am not anything less than my peers because of my autism. I am not bad at things because of my autism. I just do things a little bit differently.

My mother is a teacher who is working to get her masters degree in order to get her seat in the municipal department for her school that’s been saved specifically for her. She’s won awards for how insanely good she is at teaching, and is the most intelligent and socially comfortable person I’ve ever met.

My little sister is in the gifted program and is a bit strange. Sure, she won’t eat most things most of the time, and cries over seemingly nothing, but she has the best comedic timing and a knack for finding her favorite things about someone and pointing them out to them smoothly and subtly into conversation- making them always feel a little better after talking to her

My little brother can’t wear pants with buttons or have his hair touch his ears or the discomfort with lead him to tears. He doesn’t know most personal space bubbles and will pull you into a bone-crushing hug when he sees you if he gets too excited sometimes, before pulling back with a sheepish grin. Still, he’s the smartest little kid I’ve met, and has figured out not only how to do some cool coding stuff that I don’t understand at age fifteen, at only age seven. He learned how to pick a lock with only a toothpick and a need for the toilet. He’s insanely sweet, and will make me presents and ask to sing along with me when he sees that I’m having a rough time.

My little cousin can’t brush her hair. She can’t. Physically can’t. It makes her autism much more noticeable, than my siblings and my own, but she’s still a great kid. She can’t sit still and is constantly chattering on about one of her hyperfixations, with a big smile and the most beautiful art I’ve ever seen come from a nine-year-old.

I have neuropathy with susceptibility to pressure palsey. I have anxiety. I have major depressive disorder. I was in the gifted program at my school. I cant wear certain fabrics or cuts of clothing because of the textures and the way I feel they make me look. I have panic attacks on stage even though I love to perform. I’m still figuring out how to talk to people without “outing” myself as autistic on accident. I can’t sit still and have to use drawing as a mechanism to keep my hands and body busy while I listen to my teachers or watch anything that doesn’t use up my entire brain. I’m known as a fashion icon because I stopped trying to look like a normal person and now I’m trying to dress the way that makes my brain make the happy juice. If I don’t feel sexy, I don’t go to school. I do spicy stuff with cute girls and pretty boys sometimes. I sing a lot, and will follow along in character voices to my audiobooks and story based podcasts, choreographing as If I were acting out the lines in a film or play. I’m an author, and have written four short stories that Im proud of, as well as having an enormous project that I’m working on currently. I DM for my friend group in playing DND. I parrot phrases and bits, constantly repeating my favorite quotes and punchlines because they get stuck in my head like a catchy song would in others. I am an A student with a strong moral bingo card, stronger friendships, and a future that’s mostly planned out.

I can say that for myself. What about the people who put people like me down? What about the people who claim anything that they don’t like is “retarded,” or “autistic?”

I am not someone to look down on. I am a human being. I am successful. I am functioning. I can do things. Do not use the identity I use to understand myself, to instead ostracize me and my family from the rest of us.

[dreamer-of-perseverance]

There’s such a sad side to having a hyperfixation really

Because when you’re hyperfixated on something, it’s all you can think about. It feels almost obsessive, and you feel like a freak for thinking about something at all times even in inappropriate situations.

At school and gotta focus? Nope, I gotta think about my favorite fictional series right now. But school is important. But I can’t focus because I’m too focused on my hyperfixation.

It’s really frustrating too, to have a hyperfixation on something and all you wanna do is talk about it with someone else but you know they probably don’t wanna hear about the same crap over and over again. So you feel annoying, you try to bottle it in and end up bouncing in place until you can’t take it anymore and your pent up energy and passion for the hyperfixation bursts like a bubble and you vent in incoherent ways.

But worst of all, it’s sad to know when a new hyperfixation is replacing an old one. One that you felt dying slowly, one that you knew was dying but you still loved it so much you didn’t want to let it go just yet. And then this new thing comes along and steals the spot light. You love the new thing, but you want to revisit the old thing, except nope, can’t do that. The new thing is front and center and if you so much as try to focus on the old thing, all you get is sad feelings because you just physically can’t unless you somehow combine the new thing into the old thing.

It’s worse when you have friends who are still into the old thing but not the new one, because you try to maintain that interest but it slowly becomes more and more like a chore. To actively focus on something other than your hyperfixation. That’s fine when it actually is a chore, but when you’re trying to have fun with an old franchise? It doesn’t work.

But it’s also sad to just realize the old hyperfixation is... gone. I mean sure, it might come back someday, but it feels like a piece of my soul is missing. Like I’ve been fragmented by every interest, and the new piece doesn’t quite fit to replace the old piece. It just fits somewhere else, but that old piece can’t fit anymore, no matter how hard you try.

Right now, I’m stupidly hyperfixated on Kokichi from Dangan Ronpa V3, and I love the character and I have a friend who’s also hyperfixating on him with me and that’s so fun and great because we get to enjoy it together--but I miss undertale. I miss my passion for undertale. I miss the excitement and joy it brought me. It’s still a good franchise and the fandom is so creative and unique, but with my new hyperfixation, I almost want to erase my existence in the undertale fandom and franchise.

I don’t want to write my fics anymore. I don’t want to think about my favorite ship. I don’t wanna rp as my favorite characters. It makes me depressed to think about doing these things, because I know that trying to do these things will be like trying to do a chore. I don’t want these things to become a chore. I want to enjoy doing them. But as long as I’m hyperfixiated on something new and different... I know I won’t enjoy them at all.

But the projects I have, the muses I love... giving up on them is so sad. I can’t give up on them... but I know in the end, I’ll never enjoy them until my brain decides it wants to be interested in undertale again. And relying on that is such a huge gamble.

I kind of hope that eventually, my adhd medication will work on me to the point where I can actually control this passion and joy and find it within old fixations. But for now... I’m just sad.

[autisticthatthouknowestthine]

kiss, opal, satin, matte

kiss: what do you want from life right now?

i want my brain to cooperate on one goshdarn interest of mine, hopefully coming through with smendel. i want to stop sleeping through things i care about, i want to stop sleeping, and i want to work up the nerve or something like it to do laundry. a couple days where conversation is borderline intuitive would be nice as well.

opal: talk about your interests and passions

ok one interest that was rekindled this week is my fucking ADORATION for california marine wildlife. when i was in first grade i read Island of the Blue Dolphins and demanded i be permitted to do a book report on it. it was up on our family’s website for a long time until we stopped paying for the domain, but learning about cormorants and abalone and wild dogs and all of it was so interesting and it was so close to me, all of it, i live in the dune-y part of the south bay, but the cliff-y part wasn’t that far, and I went to marine life summer camps, went to aquariums, hell i practically LIVED in the aquarium of the pacific in long beach, the little eel exhibit STILL is the light of my life, i wanted to be a diver, i wanted to be a marine biologist, i have wildlife of the galapagos species identification cards that my grandparents brought back from their trip to the galapagos, finding out about the sea lizards, the blue-footed boobies, the hundreds of year old turtles, it just seemed like the sea was the motivator for so much, i loved the touch tanks, the sting of the ice-cold sea water as it dried on your arms, i loved the wave tank at the aquarium, i loved the life-sized model of the blue whale that was hanging from the ceiling and how every hour on the hour they would close all the blinds and play a movie about blue whales, project the wavy water refractions on the walls and you could feel the livingness of the thing, i loved the movies they’d show in the aquarium’s movie thater, i loved the puffins and sea otters and penguins, i loved the sardines and making them change directions, i loved the tacky stickiness of the anemone, i loved the sea urchins’ grasp of my finger and the purple that was left there, i loved that i was the only one brave enough to touch them. i loved the sea cucumbers, how they were silky and yet not, i loved all the fish we weren’t allowed to touch. i loved the shark eggs, i loved the shark touch tanks, i loved to scare myself silly at the big touch tanks. my love of birds comes from the lorikeet cages there, although i was always too scared to let them climb on me. my sister was always better with clawed things, but i would touch the stinging things that weren’t strong enough to sting you, i’d dig up sand crabs until an event that made me not like that anymore, i LOVED kelp and kelp forests, i loved how BIG fish got underwater, it was all so intuitive!! i loved boats, how they worked, how they used to work when they had sails, i loved exploring boats on the pretense of seasickness, i loved the concept of being underwater and yet dry, investigating submarines (but not wanting to live on them) was amazing, i loved being near the ocean, on the pier, watching the surf, getting too cold, i loved diving into the water and the resignation of feeling grit in your hair when you get out, i loved diving into waves, i loved feeling graceful, i love feeling razor-sharp. i wanted to move like a fish, i wanted to be as cold as the sharks, the same texture as the bat rays, to chase down the colorful trpocal fish, to travel, to feel warm water, cool water but always have a soft spot in my cold little heart for the california oceans, the kelp forests and the abalone and the garibaldi and the deep green oceans of the pacific. in the intervening time i’ve seen the cliffs in the northern california shores, spun much more human-centric tales of stranded seagoers and marine biologists climbing down the cliffs. when i learned marine biology involved a lot more tanks and tubing than it did cold water, i resigned myself to it. it was fine, i would learn to do it, i did a summer internship-type thing in middle school. it was freezing i was allergic to my fleece and my hands froze and i didn’t know my hands would get so stiff. i was cold and wet and hated it. a fact about me is that i dont keep my heat i was freezing, miserable, snappish, and i just wanted to see a damn rock pool, not look at bubbling tanks of krill. i almost wanted to be a marine biologist, but by the time i was in high school, i knew the cold was bad for me, so i wanted to be a biologist. wall-e sold me on the good green growing things, on the soil and the fall of pebbles. and then i contemplated bio research. there was genomics, which i cared about because of jurassic park, and there were plants, which i didn’t much care for (i now realize because i was allergic to them. im not allergic to marine life.). i latched onto my other interests at the time, which were judaism and animal husbandry. and then social justice (which is a great hyperfixation for my mental health, especially when combining in jewish studies with a focus on the shoah. it’s great. fantastic. lovely). but goats and chickens are wonderful and warm, dumb as rocks, bless their hearts, but good and solid and now i know, conceptually, a hell of a lot about goats, sheep, chickens, and to a certain extent, cows. and to a much lesser extent, horses. definitely ponies, but not at all almost anything about horses.

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

listening to upbeat music i know the words to is THE defining depression pick-me-up of my life atm. the shrek 2 soundtrack, for example, completely unironically, which i rediscovered (aside from the fairy godmother’s song bc that never leaves me) today, accidentally in love is SUCH a good song. but like two of hearts, hold me now, i wanna dance with somebody, december 1963, you cant hurry love, africa, getting the chance to do late-night dance parties in the kitchen to my music this year has been SO good, dancing to two of hearts in the kitchen while everyone holds a spatula and you’re surrounded by people you like, even if it’s a little nervously, it’s SUCH a good experience. i love music. it’s so good. the tarzan soundtrack is also extremely good.

matte: what is something you are proud of?

every time someone accuses me of having made cursed content, i feel SO happy and proud. it’s a lil like the thrill of a recipe you didn’t think was going to work working!! im also proud of myself for all the times i went to class this month, and im proud of the first AAS midterm i got back today!