#the nog begins

[angrylittleburd]

Nog season is back? Already!?

[doodlenovaa]

Hey so I heard you take not ask’s right? Well

Does not have a ship of sort or have you guys not thought about one yet?

These are the rules about shipping!

We don’t have an official ship, and there won’t be one, you guys can ship him with anyone you’d like but note nothing will be cannon, and I won’t be making ship art also,

but the reason why is because Nog is sorta hard to get, + he doesn’t seem to think a relationship is necessary, he’s happy how he is and that’s how he roles!

But still, have fun and we won’t stop you from shipping him with whoever,

[tongowheel]

@zeveth as viwilath: "May I accompany you?"

he stills outside the airlock, turning on his heel to look at viwilath seriously. she's taller than him, significantly so, but he exudes an air of confidence that makes him look bigger, && older too.

still, none of that masks the surprise on his face at the request.

"are you... sure?" nog frowns slightly, stepping off to the side to allow a few of his crew to pass him && board. "i don't have a problem with a passenger, i really don't, but... are you sure that traveling in the gamma quadrant is a good idea? i can't in good conscience put you at risk. you're a civilian, && more importantly a federation protective ward. but if you return to dominion space of your own volition, that asylum is voided while you're there, even if you stay on the ship."

with a small sigh, nog shakes his head. "that said, i understand the desire to see your home again, even from a distance. so i'll ask again. are you sure?"

[2030kamenriders]

Update on the shelf elf situation: I got some of my younger siblings to help me out. They're gonna try and figure out how many of their classmates (out of the ones who celebrate Christmas) have an Elf on a Shelf.

If I can also get enough of my cousins in on this unofficial survey, I'll have an idea of how common these Shelf Elves are. And more importantly, if there's a link between the average age of the child and the frequency of having a Shelf Elf.

[milkpansa-archive]

it’s been a bit since a set has taken me this long to finish. i forgot how much ps hates me

[eldritchazure]

is it just me or does nog give off jrotc vibes in season 6?

[seungwoonies]

1mil got eliminated and mnet has been on their case since ep1 trying to underestimate them and holding them to different standards, it’s bs classic mnet bs

[malisorn]

𖤓 || 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞, 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞, 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞

Pairing | Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Summary | Aemond has begged for many things in his life and for one last time, he gets down on his knees and begs for you ๋࣭ ⭑

Warnings & Suggestions | Fluff & tiny bit of Angst, soft dark!aemond, heavily inspired by Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want by Deftones (originally The Smiths)

Speak the wrong thing, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

These words have rotted deep inside Aemond's mind ever since he was a child, for he has always been the butt of a joke to his own brother and nephews.

In the beginning, he lets them jest all they wish, enduring their laughter as if it meant nothing. But after times and times of the same old jokes, it is no more fun, it has never been fun.

He started to defend himself, spit back at Aegon's words and try to fight, but still he failed. And in the last resort, he found himself on his knees, crying over and over again.

“Please, please, please, give me the biggest dragon in the world.” Tears streaming down as he begs the gods. He promises to be a changed man if he ever has a dragon.

And the gods seem to have heard him but nothing in the world has ever come without its price. For the very first time in his life, Aemond got his wish as he rode Vhagar through the dark night sky. And for a minute, he felt like he had own the world. After countless nights of practicing High Valyrian, imagining a dragon in front of him as he shouted the word out loud.

“Dohaerās!”

“Lykirī!”

“Sōvēs!”

Now, slowly patting the back of Vhagar, this is real, seeing his tears dropping on Vhagar, this is truly real. He has finally proved himself worthy to be a dragonrider to his father, a perfect son to his mother and a true Targaryen to his brother and his nephews.

His thoughts run short when he notices the Velaryons and the Strongs from below.

“I will not fear them, Vhagar has proved me worthy of her, I will not fear anyone.” He thinks to himself as he comes down to face them.

“It’s him!”

“It’s me.” Aemond feels confidence runs through him like a raging fire, pushing him to all the ways to say things he's always afraid of.

“Vhagar is my mother's dragon!” The girl argued hard with no less confidence than him. “Your mother's dead.” Aemond worries he is too bold but there is no stopping from this moment. “And Vhagar has a new rider now.” He continues with pride on his face.

“She was mine to claim!” Rhaena shouts with her twin sister’s comfort from the back. Aemond was silent for a second as he observes everyone around, none of their dragons can compare to his. Arrax is young, Vermax can barely obey and Moondancer is nothing to Vhagar. Smiling at his realization, “Maybe your cousins can find you a pig to ride, it would suit you.” He looks at all of them. Threats shouted with punches exchanged, Aemond has insulted them just as they once did to him but never in his life has he thought something so brutal would happen to him.

“The scar will heal but the eye could never do the same, your grace.” Aemond grips the chair hard, he has lost his eye. He looks at his mother with tears full of pain. “Please, please, please, mother, help me.” He thinks to the mother and his own as the maester stitches his scar.

And his mother tried to help him, with the same pleadings in her eyes as she looked at his father, The King, the one who can truly give him everything but the King didn't return the same look in his eyes, he gave those to only his daughter and bash away Aemond's pain. However, his mother couldn't give up, she stood with duty heavy on her back, running to takes Lucerys’s eye. Everything from that night still haunts him and he couldn't look at the King the same.

Aemond did become a changed man, just as he promised to the gods in exchange for a dragon. Nog the kind of change he has imagined. Instead, he has become a brute, poisoned with hatred and not even an ounce of sympathy left inside of him.

The Sept is no longer his place of comfort and he rarely begs the gods for anything. Aemond believes he has gotten everything he ever wanted, everything he needs to be a Targaryen. But no, it is far from the truth. Deep inside, Aemond feared that if he ever dared uttering a single wish to the gods, they would take something important from him in return. It could be his other eye, his title, his dragon or even his own life-

“Please, please, please, let this woman be the bride of mine for I have endured the pain my whole life. Let her be mine, for this will be my one last wish.”

Aemond feels bitterness twists through his words, he feels like a fool being down on his knees. After all these years of resentment, he broke all his promises and ran all his way back to the gods once more time. He said his prayers sternly, the gods must answer his wish after all they've done to him, he believes himself deserving something as dainty and perfect as you.

All of his thoughts slowly fade as his blurring sight clears into the vision of you standing right in front of him, wearing a pure white gown with wild flowers in your hair.

The gods have answered his prayers, you are now his bride.

With each time he blinks, each breath he takes, every single piece of you has finally revived into a wish he has always yearn to be blessed. The way you talk, the way you smile and how you spin around with that white gown of yours, he has never been allured by a woman's beauty like this.

“I am forever grateful to be your wife, my prince.” The sweet words dropping from your lips. He didn't know whether he wanted to be eternally confined by your love or to be freed from your lure. After nights of endless prayers, thinking that his wish has been torn aside and forgotten. But at this sight with you as his bride and from now on, his wife. Aemond feels seen, listened and answered, not only by the judgment of the gods but also by you.

He turns to look at you once more, “Same as I, to be your husband is truly a gift from gods.”

Feeling all smug with his answered prayers, Aemond seems to forget that nothing in the world has ever come without its price. Now, he can enjoy his days and nights with the love of his life but soon, the gods will find their ways and take anything they could in exchange of his one last wish.

masterlist for more

requests are open! feel free to ask ♡

images' credits

Society Lady With a Spray of Lilac by Hermann Clementz

Dancing Fairies by August Malmström

Peacocks and Delphiniums by Jessie Arms Botke

[the-lavender-clown]

Having feelings about my son Nog again

I don’t care if he’s a Ferengi and was therefore more protected on Terok Nor compared to the Bojarians, that boy is a child of the occupation.

Like imagine spending all your most formative years watching bar fights, cruel Cardassians punish and kill defenseless Bajorians, terrorist attacks, and all the other abhorrent things that went on in that place. I’m sure Quark, Rom, and maybe some of the other employees would try to keep him from seeing most of it but there’s only so much they can do in a place as bad as Terok Nor.

Like no wonder he’s the way he is in the beginning! Honestly I’d expect him to have acted out even more. Theft was probably a good way to make sure his family could make it to the next day sometimes and having someone so small to fit in a ton a places would have been very helpful for smuggling. It makes me super curious about the depth of Nog and Odos relationship specifically cause as committed as Odo is to proper justice he is not heartless. I can imagine Nog and Quark got away with a lot during the occupation like they do in the main story.

This all just makes me love them all even more but especially Nog 😭

We need more fics on this stuff and by god I might just write them myself!

[whimsigothwitch]

Yule (December 21st)

Also know as Yuletide/Winter Solstice, we celebrate the longest night and shortest day of the year. After the solstice, the days are slowly getting longer again. Celebrate with family and friends, reflect on the past year and make plans for the coming year.

Correspondences for Yule: Symbols of Yule | Yulelog, tree, witch yule balls, fire, candles, holly, mistletoe, pinecones, deers, snow, garlands, wreaths, bells, lights. Colors | White, silver, gold, blue, red, green, burgundy. Spells | Planning/new beginnings, blessing, family/hearth, love, reflecting. Crystals | Clear quartz, citrine, snow quartz, snowflake obsidian, bloodstone, ruby. Herbs and flowers | Peppermint, sage, cinnamon, anise, pine, rosemary, ginger. Food | Apple pies, cakes, cookies, meats, nuts, gingerbread, chocolate, egg nog. Activities | Make wreaths, yulelog, bake for family and friends, go for a walk in nature, light candles, decorate your Yuletree, reflect on the past year, decorate your space and altar.

[ruporas]

pet names

[ID: Black and white comic of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. Vash overhears a conversation from a nearby table at the restaurant they're seated at, the unnamed character saying, "Honey, can you pass me that?" Their partner says, "Sure thing, angel." The unnamed character begins again, "Say, did you hear the news from earlier?" In response, "Haven't got the chance. Tell me about it?" Vash smiles fondly, listening in as the conversation continues, "You'd never guess, babe! The runner--" Abruptly, the conversation is cut in by a "Needle nogging", Vash's expression changing instantly and no longer smiling. The panel cuts to Wolfwood who smiles lop-sidedly, pointing at Vash's plate and says, "If you're not going to eat that. I'll take it." Vash grabs the plate and holds it away and says, "Mine" while Wolfwood clicks his tongue. He pauses for a moment before asking slowly, "Hey, is there any reason you don't use cute names with me?" Wolfwood lifts a cup of water up to his lips, looking confused. He says, "I do though." Vash cuts in, "Spikey and needle nogging aren't cute!"

Vash continues with a shy expression, "Since we're together now..." he trails off and Wolfwood picks up, taking a sip of water as he says thoughtfully, "Together, huh..." Vash pauses in his sentence with a look of confusion before reaffirming, "We are together, right?" Wolfwood nods, "Right." Vash says, "Right", before continuing, his shy expression returning, "Then you can use stuff like... honey or-" Wolfwood cuts in this time and says casually, "You're not a honey though." A panel cuts of Vash's expression changing again, shocked. He asks, "Huh? Then who is?" Wolfwood says immediately, "Milly." Vash exclaims, "Milly?!" Wolfwood continues, "She's sweet, just like honey." A bubble pops up of Milly smiling as Wolfwood speaks. Vash continues, "Okay, true... What about sweetpea?" Wolfwood responds, "Kids. Kids are sweetpea. And pumpkin too." Vash continues, "Okay... What about baby?" Wolfwood says without hesitation, "Meryl." Vash exclaims again, "Meryl?!" Wolfwood explains," Noisy, like a baby." Vash mutters, "Hey, that's a bit mean..."

Vash continues persistently, "Then what about babe?" Wolfwood shrugs with a grin, "You are not a babe." Vash looks at him, slightly frustrated before exclaiming with flushed cheeks, "Then what am I?!" Wolfwood points at his hair and smiles softly, "I told you. You're the one and only needle nogging." A panel closes in on Vash's widen eyes, cheeks still red, pausing before he ultimately resigns, planting his face into the palms of his hands and muttering, "I give up..." At the same time, Wolfwood sneaks and grabs the plate of food that Vash left unattended, saying in response, "You get up cuaght up about the dumbest things, y'know that?"

The comic then picks up again to a jump in time, after they've left the restaurant. Wolfwood muses to Vash, "You said all that about the names earlier, but I don't hear ya using them for me." Vash looks to him excitably and asks, "Did you want me to?" Wolfwood looks at him with an uncertain expression, "Not really, but I guess I am curious..." Vash beams, "Then let's try some, okay... dear?" He fingerguns Wolfwood with a grin, little hearts surrounding him. Wolfwood just looks at him neutrally and says, "Okay," while thinking to himself, "Cute..." Vash exclaims, "So unenthusiastic!"

The next comic picks up at a different time, but on the same theme of pet names. Vash hugs Wolfwood and says to him, "Thank you, my love." A panel close up of Vash steadily opening his eyes before he sees Wolfwood's reaction up close, his eyes glancing away, cheeks flushed, and the smoke out of his cig forming soft hearts as he mutters, "Sure..." In a smaller, cartoonish style, Vash has a comedically exaggerated expression of shock and widened eyes as he grips Wolfwood by the shoulders while Wolfwood still wears a shy expression. He then nudges his head to the side of Wolfwood's with a close eyed happy smile, hugging him close and says, "So, there WAS one you liked!" Wolfwood, still looking away, but now with an irritated and embarrassed expression, grumbles, "Shut up..."

The final image is a short sequence. Wolfwood is working on something, spacing out as he does, while Vash from off screen calls for him, starting with "Babeeee? Babe? Beautiful? Honey? My love?" All of which gets no reaction from Wolfwood. Vash pauses for a moment before piping up again, "wolfwood?" Wolfwood turns around, finally noticing that Vash was calling for him and asks, "What?" A box at the bottom of the page says, "Unresponsive to anything other than his names." END ID]

[ifeelloveeverymillionmiles]

Before Six years, five months, two days

Can we talk about how obsessed they are with each other before they even go on the subway?

At the Keepers meeting, as soon as they start talking they are touching elbows and arms, super close. SO much eye contact in the conversation and Lila is like TEXTBOOK flirting - her lips slightly parted through their whole convo, sexy face on, and so many mischievous glances at Five. Nonchalantly placing her hand on his chest to put on his nametag and like ???lingering??? Oh yeah Nancy, make sure that nametag isn't coming off, very thorough name tag application.

Then the cafe, obviously more touching of the face, more eye contact, and smiles. Am I imagining it or does Lila's façade drop a little and she looks kinda guilty about wiping the powdered sugar off Five's face when Diego sees them through the window? She's then laughing right after, but a part of me wonders if she wanted to touch Five, did, liked it, felt bad, then bounced back and started laughing before the scene was over.

Then we have two scenes with Diego in the van, one with Five and then one with Lila.

When Diego confides in Five his concerns about Lila and the "little Greek guy" it's a VERY clever bit of writing that is TEEMING with doublespeak, Five states:

"Whatever this is (him and Lila), it's nothing. You guys have a family, kids, a home, only a fool would give that up. Lila is no fool" Five looks almost remorseful as he says she's not a fool. IMO by calling it "this" Five acknowledges that there is something between them, but seems disappointed since he believes nothing could or would happen between them, but only due to her current circumstances.

Then Five states to Diego "Bury it. Deep. Cover that shit in concrete." which in this context makes way more sense for his own feelings (his growing affection for Lila) vs. advice you would give your sibling about concerns over their partner's potential infidelity.

Diego then states "You're a good brother." and the shot lingers on Five's face as he looks painfully guilty. We follow up with a long shot of Lila, peering at them secretly, which adds to the perception that this exchange may be more significant than what the surface-level conversation appears to be.

Also, at the beginning of this whole conversation, Five lies for Lila by saying "Well she has that book club" to Diego. I think it's interesting that Five's first instinct here is to be loyal to Lila and keep up her lie rather than coming clean to Diego. His loyalty is already to her over him.

At the New Grumpson Christmas festival, when Diego throws axes to impress her, she looks at him (very annoyed) for a whole 2 seconds then immediately starts scanning the crowd, super distracted, not caring what Diego is doing or saying (this is a little sad). What is she looking for?? Five of course. She quickly excuses herself from Diego and seeks him out, finding him trying to blink. Then there is all this cutsie talk about kegels. They keep their heads down in a little tet-a-tet, and look annoyed when Diego joins them and starts asking questions. I melt a little when Five says "Mulled wine for myself, egg nog for the Lady". They are already on the same page. They already consider themselves a team of two within this larger team.

Then the van conversation with Lila and Diego, we get a shot of Five's face as the convo is starting, which makes sense because they do speak about him in their fight/conversation. But what stands out to me is that once Lila confesses that she has been working undercover, Diego gets upset Lila states

"You're acting as if I had an affair"

to which Diego responds "This is even worse!"

and they cut to Five's face and he looks SO annoyed. To me, he's thinking "Wait, you're with Lila, you've gotten to settle down, be normal, have kids and you think Lila going undercover tangentially with the CIA is worse than her having an affair and losing all that?" which I think is crazy to Five because Diego has the normalcy Five craves, with the person Five has the most chemistry with.

And this is BEFORE all the subway stuff. I honestly think they left us so many breadcrumbs before episode 5 and I'm having a delightful and delicious time finding them!

[uluvjay]

Annual Christmas party- M. Samoskevich

Mackie Samoskevich x fem! Reader

In which your fiancé fucks you in the bathroom during the family Christmas party

Warnings?; SMUT; unprotected sex(use protection!), p i v, bathroom sex, cursing, pet names, kissing, a bit of dirty talk, lightly proofread so I apologize for any errors!

Day 6 of my ficmas celebration!

Your head snapped towards the door at the sound of the doorknob moving, “one second! I’m just washing my hands.” You called assuming it was one of your soon to be in-laws.

However when the door slid open and your fiancée slid inside you were a tad bit confused.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, using the hand towel hanging on the wall to dry your hands.

The man didn’t reply to your question though, and just as you went to issue another question-his body was surging forward and pulling you into a kiss.

It was rushed and messy, your body stumbling backwards from the force of his lips.

“Mm, mackie-wait, everyone’s downstairs.” You whimpered as his lips began to trial down your throat.

“I know.”

“You know? Mack we can’t, not here.” You spoke, a hand slipping into his hair to pull him out of your neck.

“Baby c’mon everyone’s to drunk to even notice us being gone, we can be quick.” He whined, trying to pull you into another kiss but the ringed hand you placed on his chest stopped him.

“Matthew” you spoke more stern this time.

“Y/n” he mocked.

“We are not having sex in your mother’s bathroom because you can’t keep it in your pants.”

“Baby please, I’ll be quick I promise.” He spoke, giving you the best puppy eyes he could muster up.

You took his plead into consideration, was there a chance of you being caught? Yes. But had the entirety of the samoskevich family had a hefty amount of spiked egg nog? Yes.

“Fine, but we have to be quick.” You spoke.

Mackie didn’t even care to give you a proper reply, he just surged forward and wrapped you in his arms, quickly placing you on top of the sink.

His lips locked with yours in another desperate kiss, his mouth swallowing the whimpers escaping your mouth as his hands began to make their way between your legs.

His large fingers pushed your panties to the side as he ran the tip of his fingers through your folds to gather some of your slickness on his digit.

“Don’t tease Mack, we don’t have time.” You whimpered.

With a nod the boy quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled his dress pants down just enough for his swollen cock to spring out, its head red and glistening with his precum.

He pulled you closer to the edge, legs wrapped around his waist as he jerked himself a few times before slipping inside your warm walls.

Your mouth dropped open in a silent scream as he filled you to the halt, his tip hitting the most sensitive spot inside you perfectly.

“F-fuck Mackie.” You cried lowly.

He grounded his hips into yours, moving at a pace that was quick enough to make you cover your mouth to muffle your noises but slow enough to keep the sounds of slapping skin down.

“So good for me baby.” He groaned, head tucking into the crook of your neck as his hands gripped your thighs.

You hands came up to tangle into his dark curls, pulling on the dark stands just how he liked-yearning you a low cry from him.

Mackie’s lips brushed soft kisses against the base of your throat, his tongue slightly slipping out to run along the hot skin.

“Shit, I’m getting close Mack.” You cried as you felt the knot in your lower stomach getting tighter and tighter as he continued to fuck you deep.

“Me to baby, almost there.” He moaned, slipping one of his hands between your thighs to rub desperate circles over your clit.

You could feel your legs begin to tremble at the added pressure on your clit, your hands shook as they came up to grip onto his broad shoulders.

A deep whimper left mackie as he felt you clenching around him, hugging him so tight.

“I-I’m coming Mack, shit!” You whined pulling him into a sloppy kiss to attempt to quiet the cries of your orgasm.

Your body shook against Mackie’s as heat spread through your body like a wildfire, cried getting louder as he continued to fuck you through your high.

“Fuck baby, I’m almost there” the boy whimpered as he pulled back from your lips.

His hands took place on your thighs as he sped up his thrusts, fucking into you at an unforgiving pace-chasing the high he desperately needed.

You slapped a hand over Mackie’s mouth as his climax hit him, his head thrown back as his nails dug crescent moons into your skin, and his large body shook in pleasure between your legs.

You both took a second to catch your breath before Mackie was pulling out with a wince and sliding your panties back into place before he fixed himself.

“I can’t believe we just did that.” You laughed as you stood on shaky legs.

“It was fun though.” He giggled as he pulled you into a sweet kiss.

Unlocking the door after you both fixed your appearances in the mirror he guided you back downstairs to rejoin his, and your soon to be family in the living room.

“Wait..when did you guys leave?.” Maddy asked, looking at the two of you like you had just teleported.

“We went eat some pie in the kitchen.” Mackie laughed at his sister, shooting you a sneaky wink.



[shamrockqueen]

маленькая сучка

“malen'kaya suchka” - Little Bitch

Pairing : Soldat Bucky x captive and complacent Reader

Warnings : rough sex, dirty talk in Russian, Deep throat, cock sucking, Dubious Consent, Loss of virginity, R18

Word count : 2525

AO3 page link

It was hard to remember when and why you had joined Hydra, nor whether or not you had been kidnapped or tricked into entering the facility, but ever since it had begun, you were to be broken, molded, and shaped for your single purpose.

You had been made to sit on your knees since last night, and since then you have sat unmoved. It left you dozing in this uncomfortable position with your knees held firm as your head hung at your shoulder from exhaustion. This is how he found you, ridged and yet limp. This was unacceptable.

The hard, fast crack echoed throughout the small cell, bouncing off the smooth concrete walls as his palm collided with your cheek. It knocks out the last few ounces of strength that had to hold your body up, and you hit the floor quickly. The cement is cold against your bare skin compared to the hand mark left on your face, which would redden and swell.

You had grown numb to the abuse a long time ago and said nothing as you pushed up on your hands to right yourself back onto your knees. You know better than to stay on the floor after being knocked down. He didn’t like it when you acted weak.

You strained your neck upward, letting it crack from its former stiffness as you took in the sight of him. The soldat. A man whose body was torn and twisted before being put back together along with his mind, going as far as to replace pieces of his body with machinery.

You don’t know how he’d lost his arm to warrant the metal one he has now, and you never dared to ask again after the first time. You stopped trying to give him sympathy not long after meeting him. It didn't matter what they had done to him, as it wouldn’t excuse anything he'd done to you thus far.

From the very beginning, he was your tormentor, your capturer, and your god. Anything and everything you did on a daily basis was dictated by the Soldat and oneone else. You were his gift, a soft and mailable woman to be sculpted as he chose. Falling asleep without permission was a punishable offense, and that first hit surely won’t be the last.

"Ty malen'kaya suka. (You little bitch) No one told you to sleep." His voice is low and hoarse, as he wasn't interested in filling the room with the sounds of screaming just yet.

"I’m sorry." You mummbled only to receive another blow; this time it was backhanded towards the other side of your face, and you fought all of the muscles in your knees not to hit the floor this time. Your sore knees faltered and your upper body swayed, but through your struggle, you succeeded in staying upright.

"nepravil'nyy (wrong)" His voice rose only a little.

"Mne zhal'. ser..(I’m sorry.sir..)" you answered back automatically. You should’ve known better than to let your tongue slip back into English; only he was allowed to talk in that way. It had been difficult to adjust to at first, but over time, your Russian did get better, even if it was only to follow commands and respond to them.

"Uberi svoyu zadnitsu s nog. (Get your ass off your legs). On your knees, now." His voice was only loud enough to be commanding, as you weren’t deserving of any real anger.

You straightened up as he had asked so that your full weight was on your knees and shins alone. You made your back rigid, leaned your head back, and waited for further instruction. You were never allowed to fall behind, nor could you go too far ahead. So, you stood stock still as your knees screamed from having to continue holding you up.

"otkryt' (open)" His voice smacked back off every corner of the room, and you didn’t hesitate to unclench your teeth to open your mouth nice and wide, just as he preferred.

This particular task had become something you became better at with much mandatory practice. But, in spite of the hours of being made to choke him down, there were times that you would still make mistakes, so it wasn’t unexpected when he ran his metal fingers along your lips with misleading gentleness before digging them into your skin to clamp down hard on your face.

He leaned down towards your face to hammer his point in with each graveled word that rumbled from his chest. "Yesli ty vospol'zuyesh'sya svoimi zubami, ya slomayu tebe chelyust'. (If you use your teeth, I will break your jaw.)"

You gave a brief "da ser (yes sir)" before opening your mouth back up as he leaned away again. His hand loosened from your face as he ran his thumb along your bottom lip to show him that naughty bottom row of teeth, a few of which had a metallic sheen similar to his fingers.

That had been the last and only time you’d ever bitten him. It had been a dangerous lesson to learn, as it had cost you four of your teeth. All of which were quickly replaced without the benefit of anesthesia.

He undoes the buckles on his pants as he squares his hips in-line with your face. Your eyes don’t leave his as you stare at one another.

Giving him oral relief upon his arrival was a given, and this time would be no different from the last, for now.

He spit into the palm of his hand as he pulled his long member free from his clothes, giving it a few pumps to harden it until it stood tall and hard.

The tip entered first, pressing against your tongue before sliding over it.

"lizhi, moy kotenok (lick, my kitten)" He growled down at you.

He only used the pet name when you were being good, acting as a trigger word to help spur you further because where there was praise there wouldn’t be any punishment.

So you did as ordered, pulling your head back and flicking your tongue out over the pink tip as you slickened his cock with your saliva.

"Sosat' (suck)," he pushed his hips toward your open mouth, letting his cock slide along your tongue and further into your mouth.

You closed your lips around it, easing him into your mouth as you did as ordered. You started out slowly before you began to bob up and down on his shaft until it slid deeper down your throat when his hips followed your pace. But, his need was to go faster, deeper even.

The Soldat's metal fingers snapped onto the back of your head to push you down on his cock, far enough that your nose was tickled by the dusting of his pubic hair. Your throat enclosed around him, almost swallowing the head of his cock as he shucked your face up and down onto him. It filled the once tensely quiet room with the echo of you breathlessly sputtering and sloshing on his member.

You’ve grown accustomed to holding your breath for however long he needed, but it was often too much. The tears had forced their way out as they rounded around your reddened cheeks as the air in your head grew thin.

The Soldat's strong, steel-like demeanor cracked as he grew closer and growled, "Fuck..takoy khoroshiy kotenok (so good, kitten)" down at you.

He first cums in your mouth before pulling out to paint your face and then your breasts with spurt after spurt of salty, sticky seed. It’s all over the space on your cheeks that still stung from the last time he hit you, and the soft tip of his cock tickled your neck a little as he coated the rest of your skin.

You don’t even know if he took pleasure in sights like this, as his expression never changed. Yet, if you dared to look carefully enough, you could catch a glimpse of his pupils swelling as they drank you in.

You straightened up on your knees, waiting for another order. Usually he would just have you stand and clean yourself up at the sink in the corner of the cell. Yet, as he walked around you, he pulled his undershirt from his body before tossing it to you with a gruff "wipe off."

His cock was still hard and dripping with what was left of his seed, before he stopped to stand behind you.

The muscles of his thick thighs strained as he steadied himself, and his heavy boots hit the cement hard with each step.

You did as first instructed and wiped away his spendings from your face and breasts before setting the clothes on the floor by your side, and you waited until another order was called out.

"Bend forward, on your hands," he called out from behind you.

It was a new command, and you followed as best as you could, bending yourself over and pressing your hands to the cold floor. When his knees dropped behind yours, you knew it was time for a new form of conditioning. Especially as his hand slipped between your thighs to spread your knees apart.

You had assumed it was only a matter of time until you would be completely broken in, but that realization did nothing to steady the unease buring into your stomach.

At least he had the forethought to warn you as the cold metal of his thumb brushed along your now exposed core.

"My budem ispol'zovat' eto otverstiye, a takzhe. (We will use this hole as well.)" he said as his head tilted at the sight of his fingers moving effortlessly through your dewy folds. He wasn’t one to play with his food, but he didn’t expect you to already be wet. It was a hidden shame that you would greatly ignore, but it would prove useful now.

His fleshy finger entered you first, feeling your pristine core wrap tightly around it. You have to hold your breath once he pulls his digit away, only to push two inside. You were nowhere near ready for this, having been unbroken before being given to him, but you stood firm on your locked joints as your knees dug into the hard cement floor.

His hand leaves your body as he aligns himself with you, and you suck in a deep breath when you feel the head prod at your core.

The Soldat leaned his body over yours as his metal arms snaked under yours. His teeth were dangerously close to your skin as he gritted out a graveled "kak dolgo ty mozhesh' derzhat' svoy golos, kotenok? (How long can you hold your voice, kitten?)"

He never asked you questions anymore, speaking only in absolutes as he bent you to his commands.

Would this be a challenge? Were you allowed to not accept it?

You could feel him push on the bubble of pressure that had built up in your lungs as you held in a cry. He was only halfway inside as your walls fought to push him out.

He ground his teeth as he growled out a gruff "tugoy (tight)" against your neck as he quickly tore you open on his cock.

His flesh hand slid under your other arm to meet his metal one, before they both slid over your neck to lock his arms over your shoulders for leverage as he pulled your upper body off the floor and drove the rest of his cock inside of you.

You felt every ounce of air being forced out of your lungs, and your knees slid along the floor as you were no longer holding your own weight, but you didn’t scream. Even when the tears started to bubble out, you didn’t make a single sound aside from your own labored breathing.

When he started to pull himself from your core, you had to bite your fucking tongue as he dragged his cock along your newly torn walls. When he thrusted back into you, you couldn’t hold your voice in anymore. Your cries were made to echo throughout the room as your body jolted with each of his movements.

He pulled himself out of your soft, wet heat until the tip was all that was left inside. You wailed through your teeth as his grip on your entire upper body tightened, and a low growl was heard from him as he pressed his lips to the back of your neck. "Tvoya pizda vsegda budet pomnit' formu moyego chlena. (Your cunt will always remember the shape of my cock.)"

He brought his hips forward to collide against your ass with an audible slap, his steely cock slamming into the back of your cunt hard enough to send a louder cry past your teeth. You were lifted almost off the ground, leaving your knees to only graze the floor.

The damn had broken, and as a thin rivlet of blood trailed down your thigh to drip to the cold floor, your pained voice bounced and echoed around the both of you. It made you dizzy as the pain began to numb your body, and the tickle of something hotter blossomed in your core as he drove himself into your aching channel.

Even the cries melted into something more unnaturally flowery, something sweeter and more pleasing to him. When he felt your core twist and squeeze around him, he knew what he was starting to do to you.

He turned his head to take the shell of your ear between his teeth and growled into your hot skin, "Davay, Kotenok, krik. (Come on, kitten, cry.)"

You didn’t expect to melt around him when his voice vibrated through your skin. Yet, just as he demanded, you cried out into the small and sterile room.

You tightened around him until you felt every ridge, and every muscle of his cock as he tore along your inner walls until it made his cock begin to throb and twitch within you.

The Soldat's loud voice boomed over you with "Konchi dlya menya, kotenok. Konchi na chlen svoyego soldata. (Cum for me, kitty. Cum on your soldier's cock.)" and it set your body on edge to the point that you were screaming and squirming in his tight, immovable hold.

He wound that tight little spring hidden in your belly until it finally snapped apart all over him, making you cry out in a broken, "Nyet, Nyet!"

His climax accompanied yours, making you feel it as he filled your core full, as you twitched around him.

He untangled your limbs from his as he set you to the floor with uncharacteristic gentleness.

The shock of the cold floor felt like it nearly burned your skin as you tried to catch your breath. He was still on his knees above you as he let you have a moment's rest when he slid his metal finger along your forehead to wipe away the stray hairs that clung to your sweaty skin.

⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️

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[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 21: Holiday

You, Joel and Ellie celebrate Christmas in Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-20 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut :D. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

December 24, 2026

“They really didn’t make Christmas music with dancing in mind, did they?” 

Your head was on Joel’s shoulder, a pleasantly drunk haze falling over your mind and sinking into your limbs. You smiled at Tommy’s question, his arm around his wife’s shoulders. 

“No they did not,” you said, even though you knew the question was rhetorical. 

Half of Jackson was crowded into the Tipsy Bison. Christmas music was on the stereo, someone in the kitchen had made egg nog, the whole bar was draped in multi-colored Christmas lights casting everything in a a cheerful glow. 

You’d been in Jackson for more than a year now, something that was hard to believe. Last year at this time you’d spent all your spare time at home alone - except when Ellie all but broke down your door, anyway. You’d missed all this without even knowing that you’d missed it. 

Christmas hadn’t mattered much to you in years. The last real one you had before the world ended was really only special because you got to see your brothers again for the first time in months. The holiday itself hadn’t been what mattered. 

But you’d felt an odd sense of anticipation this time, something you hadn’t felt since you were a kid. Being around other people who remembered the time before - who knew what it had been like when there were things like Christmas tree lots and mall Santas - made it feel exciting in way the holiday hadn’t in years past, even when you were a teenager. 

It helped that Joel was recovered from the incident in August. He had returned to business as usual, going out on patrol with Tommy who had fully healed, too. But their first time out, you’d insisted on going, too. 

“You really don’t need to worry about it, Sweetheart,” Joel said. “It’s just a day long patrol, not goin’ anywhere rough. Gonna be fine.” 

“Then you shouldn’t have a problem with me going,” you shrugged. “Olivia can cover for me at the stables and I can cover you and Tommy’s asses.” 

Joel laughed a little and sighed. 

“Alright,” he kissed your temple. “If it’ll make you feel better, you can come out with us. This time.” 

It had been an easy day, unseasonably warm for October. The three of you went to a small town that was about a five hour ride from Jackson, a town that happened to have a record store.

“Oh shit!” You said, flipping through CDs on the dank and rotting shelves. “They have the White Stripes!” 

Joel frowned, looking over your shoulder. 

“Who’s that?” 

“I’ll play you something when we get back,” you said, turning the CD over to look at the track list. “They’re good and they have a girl drummer which automatically makes them even better. I was just thinking of them the other day, I think Ellie would like them…” 

Joel smiled. 

“Yeah,” he said. “She probably would.” 

You stashed the CD and a few others in your pack, saving them to give Ellie at Christmas. They were wrapped and under a tree in Joel’s living room now and you were more excited about watching her open them and listening to them with her for the first time than you were to open what had your name on it under the tree. 

“Think I can con you into a dance anyhow?” Joel asked, brushing your hairline with his nose. 

“You know,” you smiled. “Think I’m just drunk enough for it to work.” 

He took your hand and led you to the dance floor just as It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas came on the stereo. You smiled and draped your arms around Joel’s neck, your whole body pressed against the front of him, so different from the first time you’d danced with him. 

“You sure are pretty,” he smiled, swaying gently, his hands at your back. 

“You’re one to talk,” you replied, smiling too. 

“Sure you don’t need glasses?” He teased and you rolled your eyes before tucking your head against his chest and shoulder, your nose brushing his neck. 

“I’ve known you for a year now,” you said quietly after a minute of just moving gently with him. 

“That all?” Joel said. “Seems like I’ve always known you.” 

You smiled against him. 

“I think I would have gone looking for you sooner, if I knew you existed,” you said. “Just didn’t know any better.” 

Joel’s lips brushed your cheek. 

“Would have definitely gotten my ass out of Boston a few decades earlier,” he said. “Lot I would’ve done different, had I known better.” 

He held you a little tighter. 

“Is it bad that I think I’m lookin’ forward to the day after Christmas more than Christmas?” He asked. 

“What?” You laughed a little and pulled back from him enough to look at his face. “Why?” 

“Two days just you n’me,” he smiled. “I know it’s patrol but… feels almost like a camping trip or vacation. Getting out of town, ridin’ through snow covered forest, ski lodge waiting at the end? Can’t think of much better than that.” 

“Well when you put it that way,” you teased, tucking your head against him again. “But I get what you mean. Though I’m pretty excited for Christmas with Ellie. Haven’t had a real Christmas with trees and lights and shit with a kid in a long time. Almost feels like I should try to convince her Santa is real or something, just really make the whole experience happen for her.” 

“I’m just glad she’s speakin’ to me this Christmas,” Joel said, giving you a squeeze, his voice thick. “Got you to thank for that.” 

“She’d have come around eventually,” you said. “Kids… They’re smart. They see things, they know. She knows you love her. She’d understand it one day, even without my help.” 

“Startin’ to feel like all the good things I got I got because of you,” he said softly. 

You lifted your head to look him in the eye, his gaze gentle and deep, his eyes crinkling at the edges with his soft smile. 

“Well you’ve saved my life enough times,” you said. “Seems like it’s only fair. I couldn’t have anything without you. Don’t think I’d want it without you.” 

He pressed his forehead to yours, his eyes on your own and, for a moment, you were certain there was no one left inside the bar but him and you. 

He took you home after, walking slow through the falling snow with the first coat Joel had ever given you wrapped around you. You closed the curtains on the front window before plugging in the lights on the tree, just looking at it twinkling in the dark as you curled against Joel’s side on the couch. But before too long, you kissed him all soft and needy, his tongue dipping into your mouth. 

Joel undressed you gently and stretched you out beneath him on the couch. He covered your body with his, warm and hard as you rocked your hips against his length. He kissed you as he entered you, sinking into your tight heat until his body was flush with yours and he was buried within you. He pulled his lips away from you for a moment and your eyes met his, the lights reflected there as your heavy breaths matched his own. You reached up and traced the outline of him, your fingers brushing into his hair. You could feel his heartbeat in your own body, the life and warmth and vibrancy of him enveloping and consuming you. For a moment, you thought you might be able to know anything that crossed his mind, that he’d know anything that crossed your own. You were broken open and laid bare for him and all you wanted him to do was hold the pieces of you close and understand with a deep certainty how they fit together. You didn’t think you’d ever been this close to another person. You never wanted to be this close to someone who wasn’t Joel ever again. 

Everything in you was drawn tight and desperate, the heat of want threatening to swallow you whole and you were sure you were going to burst with it. 

“Joel,” you were almost squirming below him, needing the friction, needing more, eyes wide as you panted for breath. “Please…” 

“Please what?” He sounded almost as desperate as you. 

“Need you to move,” your eyes searched his. “Need to feel you, it’s too much, need…” 

“Shh,” he brushed your hair back, his palm lingering on the crown of your head. You were suddenly aware of everywhere he was, how he was everything. He was around you and inside you and over you, the thick weight of his cock filling every hollow space of you. He dropped his forehead to yours and closed his eyes for a moment, like he was concentrating before opening them again. His pupils were blown and he was looking at you as though you were the only thing left in the world. “I’ve got you, Baby. Gonna take such good care of you.” 

You just nodded against him and he pressed somehow deeper into you, his pubic bone pressing almost painfully against you before he pulled back, the slow drag of his hips making you moan as his the ridge of his head worked your channel. He pushed back into you firmly, tenderly, opening your body to him so he could reach parts of you that he seemed to have claimed for himself and you were happy to offer them. 

Like this with him you could understand why it was called making love. There was a sense that feeling him like this, experiencing him like this, had to exist somewhere outside of just yourself. It was too big to contain within yourself, what the two of you created when he brought you to your peak with an aching and heady rhythm. 

“You’re gettin’ close,” he panted, grinding his length deeper into you. You just nodded even though he hadn’t really asked. He knew. He didn’t need to ask. “Love feeling you like this. Want you to come for me, Baby. Want you to give in to it, want you to let go for me.” 

You nodded again, past the point of being able to form words. Your back arched, closing whatever minuscule gap there was between your bodies. Joel took your hand, lacing his fingers with your own before putting it over your head and pressing it down into the couch, pulling a strangled moan from you as he did. 

“Joel,” you managed. “Want… want to feel you…” 

“Just let go,” he whispered. “Give you everything you want if you just come for me, Baby. Just come for me…” He pressed deep and you felt the building tension in you crest and overflow, your channel fluttering over him, working his thick shaft as you came with a broken cry. 

“Oh there we go,” he held himself deep inside, dropping his head to your shoulder. “That’s it Baby, just keep coming, just keep…” 

He moaned and you felt him throb inside of you, felt the heat of his come as he filled you. His hand tightened on yours and you instinctively tilted your hips to make sure he was as deep within you as he could possibly be. 

You held each other like that for a while, Joel still buried inside you as his broad hand gently stroked your hair as you looked at him in the glow of the Christmas tree. 

He must have carried you to bed at some point, and you woke up tangled with him, your head on his chest and his hand splayed wide on your back. The light pouring through the window was bright, the morning sun reflecting on the fresh snow and making his bedroom light and crisp. You kissed his chest and he sighed contentedly. 

“Merry Christmas,” you smiled at him. 

Joel smiled back. 

“Ain’t you just the prettiest damn present.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Ellie say a time she was comin’ by?” Joel asked, hand sliding up your back to brush your cheek. “Or just that she was?” 

“Just sometime in the morning,” you said. “Why?”

“Thinkin’ I really want to fuck you into this mattress before makin’ you breakfast,” he said. “But don’t want to be interrupted…” 

As if on cue, you heard the bang of the front door against the wall downstairs. You laughed and pressed your face into Joel’s chest to muffle the sound. 

“Where are you guys?” Ellie yelled. “Being gross?”

“Down in a minute, Kiddo!” Joel yelled back as you pulled your face from his chest to look at him again. He held your face and pulled you in for kiss. 

“Later?” You asked quietly. 

Joel groaned. 

“Absolutely.” 

You got dressed quickly and found Ellie sitting on the floor by the tree, turning the paper-wrapped packages over and examining them. 

“Merry Christmas, Kiddo,” Joel smiled at her and she looked up from the gift in her hands. 

“Did people really used to believe a fat old man came down their chimney and left them shit?” 

You snorted and Joel laughed a little. 

“Generally just the kids,” he said. “Gimme a minute to make some coffee, then you can rip into everything.” 

You tucked yourself into a corner of the couch and smiled, watching Ellie rifle through the presents under the tree. It made your heart ache a bit to watch her. That she’d never had this as a girl hurt. That you hadn’t been able to do this in decades hurt, too. It felt like so much lost time, so many things that could have been better or different and they weren’t. So many things that you missed out on because you’d been holed up in the wilderness and hadn’t looked for a place like Jackson, hadn’t had the faith that a place like this could exist. 

You tried not to think about it, fought to focus on anything but what could have been if you’d just tried to find this place years ago.

Joel pressed a warm mug into your hands and sat next to you on the couch, putting his arm over your shoulders, tugging you against him and kissing the top of your head. You took a sip and smiled a little at the taste of whiskey. He’d spiked it.

“Alright Old Man,” Ellie said, picking up one of the packages she brought and holding it out for him. “This one is for you.” 

Ellie had made you each a charcoal drawing. Yours of Renaissance, Joel’s of you. Your eyes went a little wide at it. It’s not like you’d posed for her or anything, you hadn’t even noticed her doing it. It was strange to see yourself the way Ellie apparently did. You were pretty, the way she saw you, a softness in the drawing that you didn’t associate with yourself. 

“This is amazing, Baby Girl,” Joel said quietly. “Thank you.” 

“Figured I already drew you a horse,” she shrugged. “Thought you’d like something pretty to look at. And she’s got good taste, thought she’d want something better than your face on her wall.” 

Joel laughed before you could protest. 

“Got that right,” he said. 

Joel got Ellie a stash of art supplies that you knew he must have been tracking down for the better part of the year, watercolors and pencils and full sketchpads and you gave her the CDs and a few comic books you’d found that you thought she’d like. 

“Oh shit!” She yanked open the first comic. “Look at this guy, he’s got like… laser vision!” 

You laughed and pressed closer to Joel and he kissed the crown of your head before he leaned forward and picked up something from below the tree, handing it to you. 

You unwrapped it and opened the old shoe box. Inside was the carving of a horse, beautiful and intricate, delicate legs and a tail that looked like it was somehow in motion while being formed out of wood. 

“Joel,” you gasped, running your finger over the smooth surface. “It’s beautiful…” 

“Thought you needed somethin’ of your own in that house over there,” he said. “Or over here. When you want.” 

You looked over at him and smiled, tears stinging at your eyes, and you wrapped your arms around him. You stretched and got your gifts for Joel next before you ended up fully crying on Christmas morning. 

He opened the first one slowly and smiled at it, a holster you made from scrap leather for a knife he’d picked up the last time you were on patrol together. 

“You act like you can’t do shit like this and then you make somethin’ great,” he smiled at you, running his thumb over where you’d burned his initials into the sheath just like you had with the guitar strap. 

“Tell me that after it holds up for a few patrols,” you said, face getting hot. You took a sip of coffee. 

He opened the next one as you gnawed on your lower lip. It was just a little box and he tugged the top off of it, revealing a slender chain with a piece of metal as a charm. He frowned, running his thumb over it. 

“I made it from part of the bullet they pulled out of your leg,” you said, looking over his shoulder as he turned it in his palm. You’d cut “E + B” into one side of it. “Thought you should have a reminder that you’ve got people waiting for you. Next time you’re out for a few days.” 

He took a shaky breath and kissed you tenderly, deeply, before putting it on, looking at it in his palm. 

“I love it, Baby,” he said softly. 

“Look at Bambi, being all sentimental,” Ellie teased from her spot on the floor, already using one of the new sketchpads from Joel. You glared at her, trying not to smile, and she laughed. 

“One more,” you said before pressing your nose into Joel’s shoulder. For some reason, this made you anxious. Like the gifts were leaving you exposed. You dug your nails into your thigh to keep your leg from bouncing too much. 

Joel unwrapped the cassette tape, looking at the label. 

“Daylight,” he read from the tag. You’d tried to write it out in your best handwriting, the kind you hadn’t used in years but that your mother had drilled into you. “Don’t think I know this artist, who’s…” 

You cut him off before he could read the name aloud. 

First, middle, last. 

“You do,” you said. “That’s… that’s me.” 

His head whipped around to look at you, his eyes a little wide. 

“I wrote it,” you nodded at the tape. “The quality is questionable - it’s just from an old audio recorder from my house - and I’ll play it for you if you want. But… Anyway, I wrote it for you and… well, felt like I should put my real name on it. No one’s really known it in a while but I wanted you to.” 

“Baby…” he breathed, looking back at the tape. “This…” 

“You can keep calling me Bambi,” you smiled a little. “Everyone else does. Which is still your fault, by the way.” 

He laughed. 

“This is amazing,” he said. “You’re amazing, I…” 

“I’m going to need you guys to not be gross when I’m in the room,” Ellie groaned dramatically. 

“Don’t worry, Kiddo,” Joel said. “Think we can keep it under control. Got a few more here…” 

He picked up a small package and handed it to you. 

You opened it, a CD inside, one you didn’t know. You looked at the back, frowning, only to find that it was an album of accompaniment tracks for violin. 

“Oh, cool!” You said, looking over the track list. “I could definitely adapt these parts for guitar and…” 

“Well, didn’t say you’d need to do that,” Joel said, clapping his hands on his knees before getting up. “Just a sec…” 

Joel left and you frowned to Ellie, who just shrugged, her pencil frozen over the paper. He returned just a minute later, a violin in one hand and something you didn’t recognize in the other. 

“Wasn’t sure how to wrap either of these so…” 

You practically jumped off the couch, eyes wide, and took the instrument from him, holding it reverently. 

“Where did you find this?” You asked, looking over the body. It looked to be in amazing condition. 

Joel smiled. 

“Been on the look out for one since you told me what instruments you played,” he said. “Got a bow and extra strings too, should be set for a bit.” 

You threw the arm that wasn’t holding the violin around his neck and he laughed before giving you a squeeze. When you pulled away from him, he turned to Ellie. 

“And this is for you,” he said, unfolding the bundle in his hand. Ellie got up, frowning at it for a second but watching as he did. “Figured since you’re gettin’ real good at your art, you should have all the tools…” 

He finished putting it all together and set it down, an easel that was the perfect size for the largest sketchpad that Joel had gotten her. 

“Oh shit!” Her face lit up. “This is like… real artist stuff!” 

“Well yeah,” Joel shrugged, crossing his arms. “You’re a real artist, Kiddo. Need real artist stuff.” 

Ellie practically hurled herself at him and he laughed, catching her out of the air. You smiled, watching them. They had become so much more like what you imagined them to have been before Ellie learned the truth about the hospital. It had taken a few months to get them there and you learned that giving them projects to work on together seemed to be the best way to move them along. 

You started with shoeing the horses and quickly pinned down Tommy to come up with some more ideas for ways to get them progressing toward a common goal. They worked with him to build a new, larger pen for some of the livestock. You ended up concocting busy work that didn’t seem like busy work every other week or so until you noticed Ellie coming by the house of her own accord and Joel spending more than a few perfunctory minutes when he went to the outbuilding she called home. Every now and then, you still saw signs of Ellie being introspective. Sometimes she would go quiet, glancing at Joel with her brows drawn together and her eyes dark. But it was so much better than it was and you could clearly see the people they had become to each other as they survived crossing the United States.

The two of them were doing better than you’d ever really seen them by Christmas. You weren’t sure if it was the holiday or they had always been building to this point, but there was no sign of the tension that had been there as long as you’d known them both. It was hard to believe that the Ellie who was color swatching her new pencils and excitedly telling Joel about things like the saturation of the pigment was the same Ellie who had come over to your house, upset that you and Joel were together. 

She left to exchange gifts with friends in the afternoon and you passed the time playing guitar with Joel while watching the snow drift down outside before holding each other on the couch, stretched out long and pressed close, something that earned you both an “Ugh I thought you were supposed to be adults, show some self control” when Ellie came back a few hours later. 

After dinner with Tommy, Maria, William and the rest of Jackson, Ellie went home and Joel tried to put the cassette you’d made him in the boombox in his room but you begged him not to. 

“Why not?” He frowned. “I’m excited to hear it…” 

“I’ll make you a deal,” you said, putting your arms around his waist. “I will let you fuck me if you wait until I am not within earshot to listen to that. I can’t stand hearing my own stuff, makes me want to crawl out of my skin.” 

Joel smiled and shook his head a little. 

“You were gonna let me fuck you, anyway.” 

“Moot point.” 

He kissed you gently. 

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll wait until you go home tomorrow to get your stuff for patrol. Think I’ve got the self control to hold off ’til then…” 

You laughed and kissed him again, his hands growing eager against you. You rode him, your hands spread wide on his chest, memorizing the way the moonlight reflecting on the snow cast the shadows over his face, coming around him with a whimpering moan. As you fell asleep on his chest, his softening length still inside you as he held you close, you felt more at home than you had since you’d fled the home you’d made after the outbreak. 

“I love you, Joel,” you said softly. You weren’t sure he was conscious enough to hear you but he held you a little tighter all the same. 

***

Joel had always loved the outdoors but there was something about being in the woods after it snowed that was damn near magic. 

It was like that now, out with you the day after Christmas. The snow hung heavy on the trees, boughs drooping toward the earth like they were covered in frosting, the crystalline layer catching the light and sending it shattering off the tree trunks.

The almost blinding light caught your eyes and hair and the snowflakes did, too, making you look like some otherworldly being. One that he should know better than to try to touch but was too selfish not to. 

He’d listened to the tape when you left to head to your place to gather your things for patrol that morning. He just held the cassette for a moment, eyes tracing over the graceful lettering that spelled the title and your name. 

You’d given him your name. You had told him why you didn’t like to share it, why you hadn’t shared it with anyone but the doctor here in decades. There was a power in it. So much of what you had and who you were had been weaponized against you since the outbreak. It made sense that you’d keep something close and for yourself and yourself alone. And he’d been content with that. He had more of you than he deserved, he wasn’t about to go and ask for more. 

But you’d given him your name. First, middle, last. Because you wanted him to have that part of you, too.

He said it out loud to himself, testing the words on his tongue, picturing you as he did, tying the person he knew to the name that belonged to you. 

Joel put the tape in the stereo and pressed play, turning the volume down a little. Just in case someone was walking by outside. He didn’t want to share this with them in any way. This was just for him. 

There was a few seconds of crackling almost silence before you spoke, the sound clearer than he’d really expected it to be. 

“Hey Joel,” your voice sounded close and almost nervous. He smiled at that, that you’d be nervous playing for him even after all this time. “I’ve kind of been wishing I was better with words since I’ve known you. I’m not exactly a poet so it’s kind of hard for me to say what you mean to me. But… well, I do know music. This doesn’t quite say it right, either, but it does a better job than I could on my own. I love you, Joel. So much.” 

He listened close, could hear the quiet sound of your breaths and the sound of you adjusting the guitar in your arms before you started playing. 

The music made Joel’s heart ache, so beautiful it almost hurt to listen to it. It was slow and gentle and intricate and longing, made him think of what it was to look at you and feel you and have you consume so much of who he was because he wanted you to, didn’t want himself without you.

When the song ended, the final chord hanging on the air, there was a pinch of tears at the back of his throat. He sniffed and tried to blink them back as there was a rustling on the recording and he could picture you adjusting your guitar. 

“I hope you liked it,” you laughed a little. “And I hope it makes sense. Hope you know how much I love you. Because I do. Always will.” 

The tape ended and Joel rewound it, collecting himself before listening to it again. 

You were already at the stables when Joel got there, strapping your things to Renaissance’s side and humming to yourself. Joel didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure he’d really be able to speak past the lump in his throat. Instead, he went to you and you frowned when you saw him. 

“Everything OK?” You asked. He grabbed you roughly and pulled you into his chest, kissing the crown of your head and clutching you close. You paused a moment before wrapping your arms around his waist and giving him a squeeze. “Joel?” 

“Love you,” he managed, not willing to let you go quite yet. 

“Love you too,” you pulled back from him to look at him and laughed a little. “You alright?” 

He kissed your forehead. 

“Got you,” he said. “I’m great.” 

The patrol had been quiet, just like Joel thought it would be. He hadn’t gone out with just you since snow started falling and he was ready for the kinds of patrols that came with winter. Last patrol with you had been in late October and the two of you had been caught up in a hoard of infected that was making its way south, migrating to survive the winter. You’d gotten pinned down at one point, Joel damn near panicking at the sight of it. He was able to get to you and knock the infected away, giving you enough space to raise your gun and fire. You’d made it out unscathed but with a lesson learned. 

“Need shit I can use at close range,” you’d panted, dusting yourself off. “Baseball bat. Axe, maybe. Knife isn’t enough.” 

Joel had found you an axe the second the two of you were back to Jackson and it was strapped to the side of your horse where you could easily free it to swing at anything headed your way. 

But he didn’t think you’d need it today. This point in the season, the raiders were holed up to ride out the weather, not wanting to risk exposure by roaming much. Infected - with a few exceptions - had all fled the cold. These patrols were mostly to make sure anyone watching knew that Jackson was going to protect and maintain its territory, even when there wasn’t much to protect against. 

The forest was quiet, you riding alongside Joel when the trail was wide enough to allow for it. You just looked around at the trees, enjoying nature for what it was, Joel taking advantage of the quiet to watch you do it. He’d be happy to watch you do just about anything. 

“Almost like the end of the world never happened when you’re out here,” you said quietly, looking up at the snow-coated branches. “Like it’s a whole other world.” 

The two of you saw no signs of anyone else when you made it to the lodge for the night, twilight on the horizon because days were short and nights were long this time of year. You settled the horses while Joel got a fire going in the fireplace inside. He set out your sleeping bags in front of the stone hearth, the setting sun casting the snow in shades of pink and orange from the wall of windows beyond. He pulled a small pot out of his bag and put some leftovers from the Christmas dinner the night before he’d managed to snag before they all got snapped up, turkey and stuffing and gravy warming as you came in from taking care of the horses. 

“That smells incredible,” you said, putting your arms around Joel’s neck and pressing your body close. You were in his coat and his shirt, wrapping yourself up in him and he loved it, relished that he was what made you feel safe. 

“Can’t take much credit,” he said, kissing you gently. “Just swiped it.” 

“More than I managed,” you tangled your fingers in his hair, your soft gaze holding his. He sometimes thought the entire universe was contained in your eyes, like if he looked into them for long enough he’d find the answers to everything he’d ever questioned, the fulfillment of everything he’d ever longed for. “This was nice. Should talk them into letting me out of the stables more.” 

“Won’t catch me arguin’,” he smiled, nuzzling against your cheek. “Not sure I can promise the more gourmet dinner options the rest of the year, though.” 

You laughed and kissed him, soft and sweet, tongue dipping into his mouth. 

“Think we’d be just fine with jerky,” you said, voice breathy. 

He smiled back. 

“Think so, too.” 

You ate dinner close together, you tucked against his side. After, the two of you took turns playing guitar and singing, sticking close to the fire as it grew dark outside. Eventually, Joel set the guitar aside and took your face in his hands, kissing you deeply before smiling against your lips.

“What?” You teased. 

“First kissed you up here,” he said. “Worried I wasn’t ever gonna get to again. Now I can kiss you whenever I want.” 

“And it’s somehow not enough for me,” you kissed him again and he pulled you onto his lap before he undressed you slowly. You unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it down his arms until his skin was warm against your bare chest. You pressed yourself close and tight to him, rocking your clothed core over his hardening length. 

“Want you,” you were damn near panting. 

“Past wantin’ you,” he pulled you somehow closer. “Been far past it all day. Since I listened to your tape.” 

You pulled back from him a little and he took advantage of the distance to look at your bared skin. 

“You heard it?” You asked quietly. He nodded. “Did… did you like it?” 

“Oh, Baby,” he cupped your cheek. “I loved it.” 

You smiled and kissed him again and he held you close before maneuvering you onto your back on top of the sleeping bags, the heat from the fire warm on his skin. He tugged your jeans and panties off, casting them aside before removing his own. He ran his hands over your thighs, the softness of your skin in sharp contrast to the roughness of his own. His fingers reached your slit, all damp heat as he traced over you to your clit. You moaned, rocking your hips against him. He watched the muscle of your thighs tighten and shift and he took your ankle in his large hand, moving your foot to his shoulder so he could trail his lips over the supple flesh of the inside of your leg. He took his hand from your leg to grip his hardening cock as he toyed with your pussy as your back arched below him. He brushed his head against your swollen sex and all he could think about was opening you up to him, burying himself inside you until he couldn’t separate himself from you anymore. 

His eyes traced over you, your pupils blown, your chest heaving as you panted for breath. 

He lined himself up with your tight, grasping hole and lowered himself over you, his chest on yours, his lips inches from your own. He sank into you slowly, watched as his making space for himself inside you came over you, your eyes rolling back every so slightly before closing, the delicate moans from your parted lips. He breathed your name — your real name - as he reached the very end of you and you gasped, eyes opening to search his. 

“Joel,” you whispered. He kissed you softly, sheathed within you. “Call me that again. Want… want to hear you say my name.” 

He obeyed, pressing impossibly deeper before pulling out, slow but firm, before opening you up to him again, your name on his tongue as he did. Joel worked your body slow and steady, his orgasm building slowly alongside yours, your name falling from his lips again and again like a prayer in the night until your fluttering core made him spill into you. 

Neither of you bothered putting clothes on before climbing into one sleeping bag, your bodies close and warm. He watched you sleep in his arms by the dying firelight and he wasn’t ready to let you go when you both woke up in the morning. 

The warm glow of you left him optimistic as the two of you got underway again. It didn’t seem like anything could happen when he was with you like this. Like the two of you existed in a separate reality where people didn’t get hurt, where the evils of people couldn’t exist. 

“Joel?” You said, a few hours into the journey on the return trail. He stopped his horse alongside yours and you nodded into the woods, a good 10 feet off the trail. It looked like a large animal had been making its way through the snow before turning around. 

“Could be an elk or somethin’,” he said. “Might not be a horse…” 

You didn’t respond. You just dismounted, grabbing your axe and patting Renaissance’s neck as you picked your way through the snow and the brush to the point off the trail. Joel sighed but followed you, catching up to you just as you froze, staring down at the snow. There were distinct signs that there was a person with the animal and Joel sighed before he realized exactly what you were staring at. Just the start of a footprint in the snow, it didn’t have the chance to sink low to the ground like they’d been stopped. Just shallow enough to easily make out the size of the foot. It was small, too small to belong to a grown man. It was either a child - maybe a teenager - or a small woman. 

“Bambi…” he said cautiously, but you ignored him, turning on your heel, hooking your axe into its place on your saddle and mounting Renaissance. 

“Those tracks are relatively fresh,” you said. “It was snowing until after midnight and they’re not covered.” 

“We should go back and…” 

“No,” you said sharply. “Then it might be too late. We have to try. Joel, please…” 

He met your gaze, your eyes wide and desperate. 

“Please,” you whispered. 

He sighed but climbed back on his horse. 

“Somethin’ goes bad,” he said. “You get back to Jackson, get help. Understand?” 

You nodded and Joel led the way, trying to move as quickly as he could through the woods and the snow. 

After going almost two hours out of the way, the two of you stumbled upon what had clearly been a campsite not all that long ago. There were signs of at least a dozen or so men, the campfires no longer warm but not snow-covered either. 

You got off Renaissance again and started going around the area but Joel wasn’t sure what you were looking for. He dismounted, anyway, following close behind you as you picked through the signs of life that were here. Eventually, you whistled, something almost like a bird call but slightly off before going quiet. 

“Bambi…” 

“Shh.” 

He obeyed and you gave another whistle the same way, holding your hand out to signal him to stay quiet. There was no response. 

You visibly deflated before turning and pressing your face to Joel’s chest. He put his arms around you and held you gentle and close, feeling your warmth against him. 

“You’re OK Love,” he said softly. 

“Not me I’m worried about,” you sniffed, voice thick. 

“I know,” he held you closer. “I know… I know you want to help people who are hurtin’ like you. But you can’t save everyone, Baby, you just can’t.” 

You were silent and he just held you close. 

“We’ll head back,” he said quietly. “Report it. Send a team out with enough guns and men to handle a group of this size, see what we can’t find.” 

You nodded against him, clutching him close. 

“We wouldn’t have been able to help ‘em,” he whispered. “There were too many of them, would have gotten us both killed. Better this way. They’ll have a chance now.” 

You pulled away from him and dried your eyes. 

“Should get back,” you said, tone serious. “Sooner we’re back to Jackson, sooner we can send help.” 

“C’mon,” he put his arm around your shoulders and guided you back to the horses, turning to look back the way the two of you had come. 

He stopped in his tracks. 

Just like the sign you’d spotted months before, freshly carved into the trunks of the trees, were two large Xes, like they were waiting for him. 

What scared him more was the thought that they might be waiting for you.

Next Chapter

A/N: Yay, soft Jackson Christmas!

...other stuff is happening too.

Really really really soon.

BUT I LOVE YOU!!!

Thank you so much for reading and for being here. I'm seriously so excited to share what's coming next, I hope you're excited to see what happens, too. All your kindness and support means the world, just thank you thank you thank you. Love you all!

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[writergeekrhw]

Were there any DS9 recurring characters, like Nog, Garak, Kasidy, Keiko..., who you wished you got to write more stuff for? Did you have any ideas for them that didn't get used because they weren't main characters?

As I've said before, in retrospect, I wish we'd had Ziyal on the station from the very beginning and gotten to see her grow up with Jake and Nog (and been able to land a consistant actress to play her). We did try to do more with Keiko here and there, but from what I remember, Rosalind was pretty busy back then and a bit hard to schedule. I think we did right by Nog, Garak, and Kasidy. I can't think of anyone else we wanted more off. Mostly, if we wanted more of Leeta or Rom, for example, we just wrote them more stuff.