#the movie may be bad but it's hilarious

[mrkgrl]

I can't believe Peter and Argent almost kissed in the movie???? Then have a chips-cola-moment (peak romance, people), more very intense staring at each other and then have more screen time together I'm??? Thanks for the meal??????????

[karinaing]

I JUST REWATCHED PIWON MOVIE AND I HAVE THINGS TO SAY

[im-still-a-robot]

My favorite thing about goncharov is that despite being entirely and completely fictional, we are starting to have a full picture of the film, to the point people could actually create scenes if they wanted to

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

Dorian made a face at her description, though he certainly couldn't fault her for it-she was right, every step of the planning process was just another stone in the path leading her to being shackled to that monster for the rest of her days...

It honestly made him shudder, imagining this woman, whom he happily considered a dear friend, this bright, vivacious, kind, free-spirited woman, doomed to a life being married to Pennyworth, having to bear him heirs (who would no doubt grow up to be horrid little brats like their father), forever chained to him, unable to escape...

...it was enough to make his blood boil, but he at least took solace in the fact that they were changing that.

In an effort to turn the conversation towards something happier and lighter, he asked her in genuine interest, "What do you see, in yours and Randall's futures, I mean. Would you like to work at his haberdashery with him, would you like to have children together, would you like to travel and see more of the country...anything of that sort, or...something else entirely?"

[neil-gaiman]

I apologize in advance, but I have been listening to the Good Omens audio book with my daughter. She enjoys it quite a bit, but of course she has questions and I do my best to answer them as objectively as I can.

She was having a hard time understanding why everything in the Bentley turned into Queen even if Crowley did not seem to even like listening to Queen. I eventually compared the Bentley playing Queen to the radio nowadays constantly playing Taylor Swift. I tried to explain that it was joke about Queen being overplayed and how if the book had been written today the Bentley may have very well been playing Taylor Swift much to Crowley’s chagrin.

I failed to understand how insulting to a 7 year old it is to even entertain Taylor Swift being a joke and Crowley being anything less than personally responsible for the Eras Tour.

(In her mind) The Bentley clearly has access to the radio so they HAVE to know Taylor Swift exists. How could Queen songs ever be good enough that the Bentley wouldn’t just immediately drop them for Bad Blood and Wildest Dreams?

While the mental image of the Bentley and Crowley chasing Taylor around the world with the rest of swifties is hilarious, the discussion of Queen vs Taylor Swift has reached a point where I can no longer remain objective or sane. I told her I would try asking someone who might actually know the answers to her inquiries.

So kind sir, do you happen to know how the Bentley-and I supposed by extension, Crowley- feel about Taylor Swift, her music, and her recent siege of the music industry?

(She’s also asked if Crowley ever took the Bentley to drive in theaters so they could see movies too.)

I very much hope the Bentley in the book would love Taylor Swift as much as it once loved Queen. Alas, there are no drive in movie theaters in the UK -- or if there are now, there weren't when the book was written. But if there were I'm sure he would have done.

[z0mbiefvcker]

i loved it. i actually ami n llooooobeeehhhh r is such a cutie patootioee caw caccacacaaccacaacacacacaccaWWWWWWWWWWWWWW i need him VISCERALLY..!!!!!

(incomimg ramble in the tags)

i can't believe im admitting this but ive never watched warm bodies. so im gonna watch it tommorow. please dont be disappointed with me

[thesiltverses]

If there’s a list of books or plays or movies or tv series that influenced Eskew/TSV what’d be the top 10?

Probably different every time someone asks! But today let's go with...

Kafka's Castle / Trial / Penal Colony / Metamorphosis, Ligotti's Kafka-inspired stories (e.g The Town Manager) and other semi-adjacent absurdists and brilliant weirdos (Daniil Kharms, David Lynch, Hans Henny Jahn, Kobo Abe, arguably Fernando Pessoa?) who like to deal with social performance, human reaction and the pretence of normality in the face of unbearable strangeness, monstrous impositions and nightmare logic

Beckett's Happy Days / Endgame / Not I / WfG / Malone trilogy for the tragically pointless but inescapable search for meaning and fulfilment in ourselves, in our memories, in other people, in this wasted landscape, etc

Junji Ito's Uzumaki / Gyo / Amigara Fault / other stuff for powerfully making the argument that ludicrous horrors are also terrifying and gross horrors are also hilarious

Works that explore the helpless terror and allure in being horribly transfigured into a final shape that makes sense of us (The Fly / Videodrome, Annihilation, Ovid's Metamorphoses, Society, Ito again) or relatedly the shameless joy of setting fire to our social and familial and societal environment and embracing the wild, devilish, bestial and profane (a lot of stuff, but I'm thinking of the works of Angela Carter and Leonora Carrington and also The Witch and Carrie, that one Clarice Lispector book where she eats a bug)

Dostoevsky's Devils, Crime and Punishment and Notes from Underground for his unsurpassed collection of asocial self-obsessives having an existentially bad time and handling that poorly

The 1973 double bill of The Wicker Man / Don't Look Now for exploring the tragedy and horror of how our search for meaning may entrap us into a dead end of meaningless horrors

All of LeGuin's fiction but particularly The Dispossessed and Omelas.

The Wire for its peerless portrayal of a cast of complicated and largely unheroic human beings all attempting to either reach or destroy one another but who are ultimately all adrift and alone in the modern supersystem. The Wire and The Lives of Others for affirming the worth of even futile and powerless to support others who are suffering within that supersystem.

Any and all shit about strange and awful environments which may possibly possess a malevolent will or which are perhaps merely beholden to their own natural laws and we are the ones drawn to destroy ourselves within them (The Stone Tapes and many of Nigel Kneale's other works, The Children of Green Noah, The Haunting of Hill House, Roadside Picnic / Stalker, The Terror, The Minpins, Annihilation again, The Island of Morel, I know House of Leaves is a perfect fit for this but personally I always found it a bit hacky)

Riddley Walker, A Canticle for Leibowitz, and other post-apocalyptic work - to some extent Mad Max and the better Fallout games apply - that find the value and humanity (while recognising the potential for self-destruction) in our absurd efforts to construct meaning and to tell meaningful stories from out of the ruin and chaos all around us.

There's other stuff - The Silt Verses steals a lot of its initial atmospherics from True Detective Season 1, both shows are inevitably in dialogue with the mechanics and themes of Lovecraftian cosmic horror even if I wouldn't call Lovecraft a positive influence - but that's a pretty good list, I think.

[jyoongim]

Hello! May I request something similar to what’s been written before with alastor x vox’s little sister. But instead this time it’s alastor flirting with reader during overlord meetings and just saying stuff on the radio about her to swoon her- maybe he even started to court her too?

I actually just find this shit hilarious and I love torturing vox…

You never understood why Vox avoided coming to the Overlords’ meetings. It was making him look bad when he only sent you to represent the Vees district.

But alas, you were welcomed kindly by Carmilla and the others.

Especially the Radio Demon Alastor.

Over the years, your nervousness around the demon wane and you actually found him quite pleasant to be around.

Vox had always told you to stay away for Alastor, claiming the demon would just fuck with you to get a reaction out of him.

Like the obedient sister you were, you tried to listen to your big brother, but Alastor made it so hard to stay away.

At the Overlords meetings he often reserved a seat right beside him, keeping you filled in if you came in late or made jokes in your ear.

While you often tried to remain professional and regal, Alastor found you blushing and stuttering to be cute.

He never missed a chance to flirt with you throughout the meetings, snickering when you threw him a glare when reprimanded by Carmilla.

But that was only the beginning.

You were often awakened by the sound of Alastor’s radio broadcast (He gifted you a radio and how could you refuse a dedazzled radio?). You would be flustered hearing the red demon talk about you over Hell’s broadcast.

Compliments, joking, serenading, flirting directed towards you could be heard by all sinners.

It drove Vox mad that the Radio Demon seemed to have the hots for his sister.

He would disconnect all of Hell before letting Alastor be around you.

But Alastor was nothing if not persistent.

He lavished you with flowers, letters, trinkets and charms that suited your fancy. Of course Velvette giggled at the attention you were getting, while Vox’s systems were overheating. Like all things constant, he had finally worn you down.

Alastor had caught you out shopping on one of his outings, smiling wide when you let out sparks when he brought your hands to his lips.

”Its a lovely day my dear why don’t I treat you to lunch hmmm? You must be famished.” You barely had time to protest before he whisked you to a fancy restaurant.

You couldn’t help how your heart fluttered when the demon asked about your interests. He hid his distaste for your brother just enough for you that it made you giggle.

When Alastor admitted to wanting to court you, your systems went haywire. You were conflicted. You knew Vox wouldn’t like that you being in a relationship with Alastor, but you reeeaaallly like the demon.

You accepted and it was the best decision of your life.

And Vox’s worst nightmare.

He glitched out when you told him you had accepted Alastor’s advances.

Voxtech headquarters were often filled with gifts Alastor sent you.

Date nights had Vox’s clawing at his wires.

He hated seeing the smug look Alastor threw him when he would catch the two of you cuddling on the couch, watching an old movie.

Vox didn’t understand why you wanted to date him.

He was old-fashion, a fossil, did not fit your aesthetic, but you frowned saying you quite enjoyed how modest Alastor was. He actually wanted to get to know you and didnt have anything to gain from Vox.

He made you laugh, didn’t tiptoe around you.

He didnt care you were a pampered princess, he spoiled you more.

Vox would always treat you like his little sister, but you were a grown woman, you didnt need him to always look after you.

”Voxxy just give me this one favor ok? I know you two don’t like each other but pleeeaassee try to reframe from killing my boyfriend”

So Vox tried, he really did, but seeing Alastor be so so touchy with you made him itch.

You had fried Hell’s communication systems because Vox ruined dinner.

”He didnt have to kiss you!”

”You kiss Val all the time theres no difference?”

”It is different!”

”How?”

”We have an very professional agreement-”

”You two fuck!”

”Alastor would fuck you if given the chance! Why can’t you see he’s no good!”

”…”

”…”

”You didnt…”

”We didnt get far!”

”IM GOING TO KILL HIM”

”I WILL MAKE YOU INTO A FAX MACHINE!”

Alastor chuckled as you sulked in his arms. “He’s a big stupid sensor who think he can tell me what to do!”

You turned to Alastor, lip quivering “I really like you and Vox…Vox just don’t get it” you said sadly, leaning on his shoulder.

He hooked a claw under your chin and pressed a kiss to your forehead “Oh don worry dear. Hes just being how big brothers are. He can’t scare me off hehe no I quite like the investment I made”

He pressed his lips to yours and you melted in his touch.

Your brother would get over it…sooner or later.

[p1utofairy]

PAC: “i just wanna be your favorite…” ⭐️🎀💍

• which fictional characters is your person most like?

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. i also just wanna say thank y'all from the bottom of my heart for the support <3 it means so much to me. enjoy!

pile 1 💸 —

"i can't wait 'til i get you on the floor, good-looking. hey, going hot, so hot, just like an oven. and ow! burned myself, i just had to touch it. but it's so fire, and it's all mine."

hiii pile 1! let me start off by saying your person is one fineeee m'fer! they look straight out of an old hollywood movie. suit & tie by justin timberlake ft. jay z won't stop playing in my head lol, their vibe is literally that song. they're gonna love taking you out to fun events and showing you off to people hehe i heard "trophy wife." this isn't in a superficial way by any means, they just really love how you look and how bright your personality shines. you have a mesmerizing appearance and an extraordinary personality to match. i feel like your eyes or their eyes is another main focus that will garner lots of compliments. ok, wow. back to the topic at hand! the characters i channeled were jay gatsby from ‘the great gatsby’, lon hammond from ‘the notebook’, and napoleon solo from ‘the man from U.N.C.L.E.’ now of course your person may not exactly look like these characters but the ✨vibes✨ are very much there. you're gonna have the time of your life with this person lol they are so damn fun and charismatic. i can hear them teasing you and and saying "don't be a brat, baby." with a sly smirk on their face LOL they're gonna make you feel so tingly and giddy inside ahhh. i feel like it was hard for them to settle down before you came into their life pile 1. they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. i mean this person could honestly have whatever they want, but you actually make them work for this relationship and they're not used to that. people (romantically and platonically) just fall for them at the drop of a dime because they are just so damn sexy, and it doesn't help that they're good with their words and actions. i just heard smooth operator by sade and ego by beyoncé at the same time lol this person is seriously a charmer! they can't help it though, they just love to socialize and have a good time. on the flip side, this sometimes weighs them down. the constant attention and socializing can make them feel overwhelmed at times. i'm thinking of ‘the great gatsby’ when jay kept throwing elaborate parties and inviting thousands of people to attend them, so that he could eventually catch daisy's attention. i'm hearing "when you're happy, they're happy!" random thought, but for some of you…your person could be from the UK/have a thick british accent. i also feel like your person is funny af, they've got jokes for dayssssss. they honestly take nothing serious…like if either of you had a bad day at work or just in general, TRUST that they will find a way to turn it around. like it'll actually amaze you how they just go through life vibing and you'll just be like how??? and i can hear them saying "i don't know, babe. i just got it like that." lol they're so cocky (but in an annoyingly hot way) you will never be able to stay mad at them. like if you were being petty and giving them the silent treatment for whatever reason…i can see you getting ready and they'd come up all close behind you, arms around your waist, kissing your neck and they'd be like "you still mad at me, baby?" and your brain would literally malfunction like €|>~€\€,\!|!]€]€YESNOYESNO.!:!,&:’ i'm crying this is hilarious. never a dull moment with them, pile 1. i'm telling ya!

other channeled messages:

theme from new york, new york by frank sinatra, gene kelly, tuxedo, her way by partynextdoor, sophisticated, expensive cologne, j'adore dior, pearly white teeth, cartier watch, swarovski crystals, meet me on the dance floor, babydoll by mariah carey, british, sprinter by dave & central cee, love island, damson idris, i'll make it happen, ballin’ by partynextdoor, diamonds are a girl's best friend

pile 2 💣 —

“who wants that perfect love story anyway, anyway. cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché. who wants that hero love that saves the day, anyway cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché.”

okayyyy pile 2, i see y'all with the bonnie and clyde vibes! let's buckle down and get serious though. i already feel like your person is very misunderstood. they might've had a rough childhood growing up or possibly struggled with connecting to their family. they feel like they fuck things up? they kinda think to themselves "why should i even try to be in a relationship, i'm a mess. i mess things up." it's actually sad because i feel like they're a great person (very soft and gentle) and when things go left/don't work out they immediately blame themselves because the blame was always put on them as a child. i'm hearing it's a "trauma response" :( aw pile 2 i feel like crying…your person really takes it on the chin and keeps it pushing. i can see them sitting on porch steps, gazing at the skyline and kinda just shrugging saying "that's just life i guess." they tend to self-sabotage before things even go into motion but before you two meet, they'll be pushed to confront their problems/fears. they have this cool, in-control, idgaf type of vibe on the outside but internally it's the opposite. i'm hearing pretty little fears by 6lack ft. j cole wow pile 2 they'll really have a soft spot for you. the characters i channeled were damon salvatore from ‘the vampire diaries’, luke glanton from ‘the place beyond the pines’ and tyler durden from ‘fight club’ which are some pretty complex personalities whew. your person is a loner by default, they feel like they really can't depend on many people. they've been left out in the cold so many times it's like they had no other choice but to become independent fast. when they meet you, pile 2…you're going to awaken them. i'm hearing j cole's verse in pretty little fears, “i'm loving your light, vulnerable. letting your guard down is honorable. 'specially when the past ain't been that friendly to you, but…there's magic in that.” it's gonna be insane to them how someone like you could display so much love, care and devotion towards them. i can see them keeping a really cute picture of you (or you two together) in their wallet/bag and just staring at it with a small smile on their face. you give them so much hope pile 2. they never knew they were capable of such strong emotions; love, happiness, joy. i can see you two laughing about something…you have this big grin on your face and when you turn your head to look at them, you just see them with a dopey smile on their face and a glint in their eyes just staring at you in awe. and you're just like "what?" but you don't even know how much you really mean to them in that moment. I'M ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS PLS I CAN'T. they're not used to anything stable, but you give them hope and anticipation for their future…with you. y'all are going to have to have so many enlightening, deep and forward-thinking conversations. i see them holding your hand and kissing your knuckles, taking random drives at night together while blasting music and going to the movies and talking/debating afterwards about what you hated and what you loved. k i'm crying, bye!

other channeled messages:

west coast by lana del rey, west side, successful relationship, turning tables by adele, cigarettes out the window by tv girl, well my boyfriend's in a band, ultraviolence album, someone like u (interlude) by ariana grande, toxic upbringing, scorpio moon, aries, smoking weed, american psycho, it's a forever thing

pile 3 🐚 —

“every little thing you do got me feeling some type of way. when you gimme that thunder you make my summer rain.”

welcome to your reading pile 3! idk why i wanted to say pile 333 hehe let's take that as a sign that you're about to meet your person soon. your person is so easy-going…like their energy feels so carefree and warm; like a nice summer breeze (i feel like some of you that chose this pile watch/really love the summer i turned pretty) i can see your person adjusting their sunglasses and saying "i'm just happy to be here." they're such a vibe lol. ok and why did i just randomly hear "no you're cute jeans." their sense of humor is so sjhfjdjcjdsn y'all are gonna have a lot of inside jokes together; internet memes especially. that "i'm sorry, i'm just in a silly goofy mood" shemar moore video just popped up in my head LMFAOOOO your person is hilarious pile 3. i channeled johnny storm from ‘fantastic four’, chad meeks-martin from ‘scream vi’, stefan salvatore from ‘the vampire diaries’ and conrad fisher from ‘the summer i turned pretty’ which are all pretty different but i see the vision pile 3…i see the vision. i feel like your person has just gotten back to themselves, because for awhile they weren't this upbeat and silly. i feel like this has to do with a past hurt/betrayal from either a friend or an ex-lover…that person took them for granted and made them feel small. i just randomly heard "katherine pierce" so maybe that person was very sneaky and never had good intentions in the first place. when they're with you though, they feel like a moth drawn to a flame. best friend by 50 cent just came to mind, "if i was your best friend, i want you 'round all the time. (i want you 'round me all the time) girl, i'll be your best friend if you promise you'll be mine (girl, promise you'll be mine)." i see you both posting funny photo dumps of you two together on instagram/instagram stories. i feel like y'all will be a PDA couple, and even if you aren't one of those type of people that likes all that…they're definitely gonna make you so happy that people visibly see the love between the two of you. i can see them kissing the side of your head, you slightly leaning into them…them giving you their hoodie/jacket to wear when you're cold. it's subtle things like that 🥹 so so so cute. you two have a very sacred, beautiful and divinely protected relationship. your person will be very generous with their time, money and love when it comes to you pile 3.

other channeled messages:

there goes my baby by usher, one in a million by ne-yo, connie baby, it's your world i'm just living in it, positions by ariana grande, unlock it by charlie xcx ft. kim petras & jay park, right my side by nicki minaj ft. chris brown, long walks on the beach, forever boy, vintage camera/digital camera, breakin’ my heart (pretty brown eyes) by mint condition, taylor swift, peter parker

pile 4 🌹—

“moment of honesty. someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me. if you have something to say, you should say it right now.”

heyyy pile 4. i'm kinda stunned rn cause your person is sooooooooo captivated by you. like they wanted to skip all the bullshit and get right into it, and honestly…i #respect it. they think you're an absolute badass, you handle tough situations with so much grace. i'm hearing "you're better than me." lol they play no games pile 4, especially when it comes to you! i'm hearing that you've been through a lot, and it hasn't been easy for you to get to the point in your life that you're at now. they just wanna kiss you and make everything better. kiss it better by rihanna just started playing, "kiss it, kiss it, better baby." yeah your person is sensual af pile 4, it's givingggg taurus vibes. this is random af but i feel like they really love your back? if you wear a backless top or a backless dress, they will go absolutely FERAL. like fingers ghosting down your spine, their lips kissing down your neck…and don't get me started on the eye contact. their gaze is INTENSE. i’m hearing lyrics from nobody by selena gomez, "no kiss, no lips, no feel, no rush can keep me high, i swear no one…can love me like you do. can love me like you do, no." the characters i channeled were tobias eaton from ‘divergent’ and anakin skywalker from ‘star wars prequel trilogy’ which is so on brand. those 2 did not play about tris and padmé, ok?! you are their whole world pile 4. if it's not you, they don't want it. they feel so relaxed around you…like they can finally breathe. i can see them standing in a serious stance (obviously tense af) pondering about something and you just come behind them and wrap them in a big bear hug and they just…melt. they finally take that deep breath that they didn't even realize they were holding in for so long. they usually keep their feelings to themselves, but you create such a great safe space for them to be so open, honest and vulnerable; and vice versa. i'm also hearing that they are a very hands-on type of person, so whatever you need done/fixed, they sure as hell will find a way to do it for you. i can also see you two chilling/relaxing together a lot. don't get me wrong this person will always find something for you two to do, but there's something about that downtime (watching a movie while cuddled up with you on the couch, spending time with you and your loved ones/friends or taking a late night drive with you) that makes them think to themselves, "damn i really love life." 😮‍💨 you've got them locked in pile 4. it's so sweet & amazing.

other channeled messages:

1 of 1, peppers by lana del rey ft. tommy genesis, skywalker by miguel ft. travis scott, adore by cashmere cat ft. ariana grande, it's us against the world baby, 90210, pisces, dream guy, sauvage cologne, miss dior, sagittarius rising, virgo's groove by beyoncé, 1:11, best i ever had (remix) by drake & nicki minaj, all i want is you by miguel ft. j cole, bouquet of flowers, tennis bracelet, wild thoughts by dj khaled ft. rihanna & bryson tiller, cpr by summer walker

[sp0o0kylights]

You know what I want to see, I want to see more of Steve, Eddie, and Robin being 1980s small town kids from Indiana, by which I mean;

Robin is The Source of Gay Knowledge purely because her parents host Hippie Christmas and she managed to sneak away to find a neat bookstore in Indiana once. 

Her knowledge is not in depth. It's patchy, woven together through rumors, stories she heard or things she picked up from her parents' old pictures. She's got a handful of zines, one book, and some movies she managed to order for Family Video behind Keith's back.

She acts like she's Queen of the Queers because in Hawkins she pretty much is.

(Max and El ask her what a lavender marriage is once, something they overheard snooping around. 

Robin confidentially answers that it's code for when one woman dresses up as a man, fooling officials into wedding two woman.

She does not live this down two years later when they find out what it actually means.) 

Eddie doesn't spend every weekend in Indianapolis. 

Gas is expensive, his busiest days of his "job" is Friday and Saturday, and he has no fucking clue what the hanky code is. 

He's wearing that bandana because Metallica front singer James Hetfield has one on all their tour posters. 

Eddie does make it down to a gay bar though, by accident. Rick needed some back up for a shady deal. Promised Eddie a boatload of free drugs to sell if he agreed to just stand there and look mean. 

He was warned the bar they were meeting in was 'weird' and to not 'freak out' --which Eddie thought was hilarious given his nickname and general appearance, but whatever.

He doesn't understand when they get there, because it's just a bunch of hot men with hanky's in their back pockets everywhere.

Then he sees two women kissing and it clicks. 

He can't out himself in front of Rick, but one of the bartenders playfully dresses him down for his own hanky, letting him know all about the code and teasing him through his embarrassment. 

He's got an offer to come back and learn what color and which pocket his hanky should actually be in, a prospect Eddie was salivating at until Chrissy Cunningham up and died on his ceiling.

(He still wore the hanky, because the feeling of that bartender tugging it out and stuffing it back in might be the closest thing he's ever had to sex and he absolutely wants a repeat. 

He's young and horny, sue him.) 

Steve Harrington may not be academically smart but he's not dumb. 

He figured out a while back that the basketball team as a unit probably crossed the queer line more than once--or at least it did before Hargrove came in. 

( Brad Handly for example, went around slamming kids into lockers and screaming slurs like a fucking movie villain one Monday because the varsity team got dead drunk at Laura's party on Sunday and hey, look, there weren't that many girls there, okay?

They all had fucking hands and mouths. Everybody but Tommy was single and hot to trot. Nothing gay about it.

Its not even like they were kissing or treating each other like chicks. It was just Brad's first time and they got to tease him later for overthinking it. 

Dude graduated soon enough after and given Steve was on the team as a sophomore, he hadn't thought about the guy and why he might be freaking out so bad in years.) 

Robin's entire panic attack at Starcourt, and a few more after had Steve replaying that whole incident. Reframed it a bit, and, yeah.

In retrospect that had been extremely gay, actually. 

It sat with him a lot easier than he'd thought it would. Partially because of Robin, but mostly because that's just who he was.

Stranger things had happened to Steve and this one didn't want to kill, maim or otherwise eat him, so it got filed under 'interesting facts he should never tell his parents if he wanted to keep his trust fund' and then he went about his day. 

(Or he tried too, anyways.

It caught up to him when Eddie and Robin somehow figured out the other was queer and dragged him along to some bar Eddie had a standing invitation at, with demands for Steve to do what he did best.

Babysit.

Their magical trip was utterly destroyed when Brad Handly happened to be the very same bartender who had given Eddie the invite.

 Considering Brad's immediate bark of laughter followed by a hug and introducing himself as "Steve's gay awakening", Steve ended up having to speedrun through Eddie and Robin both having a crisis for him.

It didn't help that Steve had politely, and laughingly, corrected Brad with a casual; 

"Pretty sure that was Tommy man, but if it helps I think that tongue of yours gave Matt Burdon a crisis."

--which ended up with him answering a lot more gay sex questions with Brad than he cared too. 

At least he, through Brad, was able to help Robin connect to some local lesbians and--after a second crisis from Eddie regarding how Steve managed to have more sex than "the resident town freak and guy who actually knew he was gay, Steve!"-- even helped Eddie out by catching the metalheads tongue with his mouth later that evening.

The last one landed him a boyfriend, trust fund be damned.) 

[krysmcscience]

Don't mind me, just slacking on a big Billford comic by making other far more ridiculous Billford comics and also some AU art (please excuse my slapdash human!Bill thank you please, also before anyone asks the art style is messy and all over the place because idgaf LOL)

This started out as an excuse to design a Bill Cipher-inspired "wedding" dress, but then spiraled wildly out of control. Various rambles and a bunch more human!Bill arts under the cut, including another silly little comic at the end! (Feel free to skip the rambles, I won't be offended. I know I'm bad at shutting up. XD)

I may or may not write some comedy stuff for this AU, which I'm calling 'For Better Or Worse (But Mostly Worse)'. While Ford DOES remember getting sloshed enough for one thing to lead to making out with another after karaoke, neither he nor Bill remember this wedding, At All. The Love God did nothing to dissuade them from going hog wild on their marriage spending, either, so it got...uh. Exorbitantly Expensive. As in, the grand total could probably buy the entire fucking MOON sort of expensive. (It's fine, don't worry, Bill's good enough at crime to be able to afford it.) Also, because the logic of this AU is mostly dictated by Rule of Funny, the Love God's powers are close to unlimited when it comes to matters of romance, but ONLY when it comes to matters of romance. (Like weddings!)

Want an empty human vessel to smash the soul of a triangle into for date nights or when it's convenient, or perhaps even when it's NOT convenient? Easy peasy! Want the marriage to be recognized in every corner of the multiverse from now until the end of time, thus making any potential future divorce nigh-on impossible? Can do! Want to buy an entire beach for the ceremony and honeymoon and in general, and totally not at all because it would be Super Hilarious to prevent any specific movies from being made on that very same beach in the future? Fine, whatever, it's not his finances he's ruining!

Does the Love God also provide special rings that just so happen to turn incorporeal as long as the "happy couple" doesn't remember that they barged into his dreams to bully him into presiding over their marriage? ...No comment!

He spends the next thirty years trying and failing to get in touch with either of them for payment. This is why you should always demand half the money up front, my guy!

Also it's absolutely a traditional Jewish wedding, because I like the idea of Bill demanding all the keepsakes from the marriage that he paid for, and being completely confused when one of the things he's handed is a fancy container full of broken glass. He gets it later, but in the moment, he thinks the Love God is just fucking with him some more.

Ramble over! Here's the full dress that caused the comic to happen, along with what Ford wound up wearing at the wedding (and begrudgingly agreeing to put on again later for Reasons), aaaaand also a close-up of Bill's ring:

I may have forgotten to draw Bill's hair floofier when drawing the back of the dress, lmao

Since double ring ceremonies have been leaking over into Jewish wedding customs for a while now, Ford also has a ring, but his is the much more traditional plain gold band. There's definitely a message engraved on the inside - embarrassing, cringe, or incriminating somehow - but I haven't decided what it is yet, so use your imagination for now. XD Bill, on the other hand, saw the phrase 'traditional plain gold band' and said "No Thank You" before proceeding to embellish his ring to his liking. And because he's a secret sap who adores Ford's extra fingers, the triangle points add up to twelve, as do the engraved stars. Yes, they're stars, not dots, I just got lazy. There's also six lashes on the eye gem, and probably an eye engraving on the inside with another six lashes. (Bill's got it BAD, okay? We all know this.)

Here are the initial scribbles of Bill's custom vessel in more casual attire, please ignore the wonky anatomy and the fact that I flat out refuse to ever draw him with a proper top hat:

He does actually need a cane in this vessel; since Bill tends to possess men and especially Ford more often than not, he's used to having a higher center of gravity when in a human body, so his ability to balance is pretty garbage. (He may or may not topple over with concerning regularity.) As for his empty eye socket, his bangs don't do much to hide it since he's so high-energy (dude is constantly on the move), and he also refuses to wear a patch over it, because 1.) why bother, and 2.) it's more fun to freak people out.

To better align with Ford's attraction towards the strange, the vessel was designed with super minor shapeshifting ability - Bill can look like a perfectly normal human, but he can also make the teeth and fingers sharper whenever he likes (which is mostly just when he's angry or being more of a menace than usual), as well as slit down the pupils or outright ditch the irises altogether. He can also have whatever he wants in the downstairs department, just because I'm an indecisive bitch on that front, lmao. Maybe he can have boobs if he wants them, too, but I ain't drawin' tits on no triangle, nuh-uh, no sir. His powers are otherwise limited down to what humans can do, because for some reason, the Love God doesn't trust Bill to not snap into Immediate Apocalypse Mode if he's given a physical form that's actually all his and no one else's.

Due to the body being all his and no one else's, it's also not really a standard possession so much as it is just...Bill being temporarily human. He's a lot more aware of and in tune with his human body's senses than he ever was with his "puppets", which makes things like pain a lot more intense. (He is mostly fine with this, because he's a fukken masochist.)

A bit more fashion stuff, including beach and party attire~

The beach outfit was mostly me trying and failing to nail down his body shape, which is still not bottom-heavy enough. I then decided to slap a bikini on it, before making it supremely unsexy with a pair of fugly shorts, because Bill's fashion choices are not allowed to be conventionally attractive. Meanwhile, the party outfit was mostly me looking at the casual attire I designed, asking 'how would Bill make this Worse', and then drawing the result. The mismatched thigh-highs are killing me inside! :D

No, his vessel can't actually summon fire, I just drew it for funzies before I decided on said vessel's limitations. Yes, the gold brick tattoos are absolutely a reference to the fic 'Knowing Me, Knowing You' - I simply could not resist.

I also HAD to draw Bill in one of his canonical(?) shirts, just made tank-top'd:

He is absolutely about to over-correct and fall backwards after this. USE YOUR CANE, GOOFBALL!!! (I meant to draw Bill closer to this degree of bottom-heavy in the other images, but. Alas. I am bad at anatomy, LOL)

And, last but not least before More Comic Time, I attempted to draw him closer to Gravity Falls style:

Jury's out on whether or not I succeeded, but - hey. I tried. Now have some Handyman Bill AU, but with my goofy human design, instead:

Hey, it's a 'mystery snack', and the guy wanted A BITE to eat - the joke was right there, guys!!! (Based on this post, because it just screamed BILL CIPHER to me.)

whoops i forgor bills ring and cracks ahaha too late now

I WILL SHUT UP AND STOP RAMBLING NOW K THX BYYYYYE

[hanzajesthanza]

Andrzej Sapkowski - interview for Inny Świat, July 2003

IŚ: Do you ever find yourself guided by sentiments when developing the plot? Do you have reservations about killing off a beloved character or do you consider only the goodness and truthfulness of the story being told? Have you felt sorry for any of Geralt's team members? Andrzej Sapkowski: I completely fail to understand where there is room for regret here. Or for sentiments. Since this is not the first time I have heard such a question, I will answer with a counter-question. Do you really think that my plot plans, the development of the action that I assumed, could have included something that did NOT happen in the plot? That, for example, I planned in the initial phase of writing that the archer Milva would fall in love with the vampire Regis, and that the feeling would be mutual, that they would get married in the end and have lots of children, vampires who were accurate shooters with bows. And then suddenly, while writing - bang! Clink! Thud! The pen moved, Milva was dead, the vampire was dead. Pity, oh my, oh my, terrible pity. Oh, what a pity. And it was going so well! Do you really not notice the downright ridiculousness here? Do you? So why the hell do you keep asking the same ridiculous questions?

i just keep thinking:

the most ridiculous thing sapkowski could think of on the spot as an example of something stupid that he would not ever plan to write was milva x regis

the idea of this crackship taking place is just about as ridiculous as the concept of them not dying

further explanation: "the hanza is platonic friends and also they are doomed to die together forever what don't you understand about that"

i have something to share with the class

[lizardsfromspace]

So I guess Film Twitter is apoplectic with rage over some people suggesting they have intermissions in long movies. Not over theaters adding one without the director's consent, but like, at the concept of them

...by which I mean, getting mad at disabled people daring to have complaints. There's a lot of "HAHA are you so STUPID you can't go beforehand? You can't HOLD it for three hours?" and implying you don't deserve to experience art if you can't

And, of course, because Film Twitter is a bunch of insular discourse-addled dipshits, they're tying this...to Marvel. Yes, people are only saying they have health conditions that make sitting still for a three hour movie is because...they're Marvel fans mad at Scorsese, or something?

Why is this complaint new? Well, bc runtimes are ballooning to the levels of the old epic filmmaking days of the 50s-70s. And those movies...had intermissions. Multi-act plays have intermissions. Bollywood films have intermissions. Intermissions were literally just abandoned so studios could cram in more screenings, not out of an artistic ideal. But anyone saying "this would make it easy for me to access this film I want to see" needs to be viciously shouted down and called a moronic, lazy child hating on Scorsese bc of "discourse"

I've seen that meme multiple times and Jesus, look at the bizarre disdain for your fellow human beings embedded in it. You dare still bodily exist during a Martin Scorsese movie? You have a disability I don't? Well, I have no problem just peeing beforehand and not buying popcorn or a soda (you should really just sit their quietly until it's done, when you can pull out your phone to log it on Letterboxd), so what's your problem?

Calling people who are into non-blockbuster films "film bros" is mostly untrue, but man, the hardcore Film Twitter types unambiguously check every box. They're certainly dismissive of anyone outside their little box; extremely insulting, in fact, of how anyone who disagrees with them even slightly must be a Marvel-addled hysterical artless moron. Because nothing says "artistic appreciation" like preemptively calling analysis of a movie's choices "discourse" ("Ugh, I can't believe the DISCOURSE about how a movie portraying a morbidly obese man portrays obese people" - what should they talk about, then, if the movie's subject is instantly off the table?) They think the idea that someone out there may have a disability that prevents them from sitting in one place for three and a half hours is a laughable thing made up by the internet; or when people pointed out that a movie only getting one or two screenings a city may be inaccessible to working people, and these bloggers and podcast hosts dunked on the idea that working class people may like art as a hilarious, made-up thing.

I don't know, maaaaaaybe classing the life experiences and complaints of anyone who isn't you as "discourse" and presuming it's made-up kvetching about nothing as a matter of course is bad, cruel nonsense, actually?

[moresassythanclassy]

Colt and Jody have the best on-screen relationship I’ve seen in years

They may be one of the best relationships period. It’s been almost a month since seeing this and I still can’t get over it. I just love them so much and must now list the reasons why (spoilers ahead):

-Before the accident, they clearly had a genuine connection and cared deeply for each other, even if the relationship was still new.

-Their separation and relationship in general was crucial to the story and not just something thrown in for dramatic effect.

-Colt’s reasoning for disappearing actually made sense (even if he didn’t handle it the right way).

-Colt doesn’t even consider Gail’s offer at first but he’s ALL IN the second he hears Jody’s name.

-Even when Jody’s angry with him for showing up out of nowhere, he tells her how happy he is for her.

-Literally everything about the fire scene is *chef’s kiss*🤌🏼 (and Jody, sorry to tell you this but it’s definitely not a “fling” if you’ve been spinning out over this for the last year and a half).

-Colt’s upset with Gail for lying to him, but more so for the fact that his presence surprised and upset Jody.

-Jody’s the sexy bacon, and she was all along

-Good old-fashioned car cry (this scene was equal parts hilarious and sweet)

-Jody apologizes for the multi-take fire stunt, but Colt says he deserved it. He also wants to make up clipping the camera to her (he’s actually the sweetest🥹)

-High on drugs, Colt goes straight in for the hug and can’t hold back from telling Jody how pretty she is.

-Colt’s celebration when she calls him first, and then he basically drops everything he’s doing to talk to her.

-He drops everything again to help shoot her dream shot, the “one-er”

-Finger guns and Jody inviting him to karaoke

-Gail rips out the rug from under Colt and his only concern is not missing karaoke with Jody.

-“Do you think we’re close to rekindling? I mean it feels like it to me…”😂

-Jody’s heartbroken face when he doesn’t show up😢 She wanted him there so bad. And the subsequent power ballad😭

-He’s literally been dragged across the Sydney harbor bridge and thrown through a car window and a hundred other things and yet he still sprints to try to get to Jody in time.

-Jody doesn’t believe for a second that Colt is responsible for the murder (he apparently spent 23 minutes ushering a cockroach out of her room once and insisted they let it live😂).

-Colt’s “I’m still in love with you” phone call💔

-Jody just knows he’s still alive and isn’t about to give up hope

-She beats the crap out of him when he’s in the costume and he’s so chill about it👍

-“It’s just a stupid movie.” She doesn’t even care about her dream movie she’s spent her whole life working toward. He’s way more important to her than that!🤯😵

-Then he just fires right back and makes it clear he cares about her and her dreams so much more than he cares about himself😩 (what in the selfless-love-in-a-Hollywood-action-film is this!?)

-Her kissing him first😘

-Colt just wants to keep kissing even when they’re interrupted☺️😍

-The reference to spicy margaritas and swimming costumes from a conversation they had 18 months ago

-Colt gets the recording back and excitedly holds it up to Jody, but literally all she cares about is that he’s okay❤️

-Another kiss!

-🎶I was made for lovin’ you baby, you were made for lovin’ me🎶

-He cheers her on at Comic-con

-Jody and Colt and Jean-Claude on the beach being a happy family. What they’ve got is even better than the movies! 👫🐕🌅

What else am I forgetting? Idk but for real, if you haven’t seen it yet you should right now! Even if you have seen it, go buy it and give it the support it deserves!

[harryforvogue]

happy may the fourth LMFAOAOAOOAOAOAOAOAO sorry this is more than a month late and sorry for the horrendously rushed sex scene. i am bad at smut now <3 2.1k

***

Harry looks down at the notecards, his dinner abandoned besides his hands. He flips through a few of the cards while Yasmine slurps obnoxiously on her pasta to get him to scowl at her, but he’s too captivated by his extreme nerd behavior. Honestly, it’s embarrassing for him.

He finally settles on a card and clears his throat. “What is the name of Leia and Han’s child?”

“Oh,” Yasmine mumbles as she swallows. “Um, the hot guy.”

Harry gives her a weird look. “He’s not hot, but sure.”

“I mean, from a certain angle,” she says. “I don’t need to explain the appeal of Adam Driver to you, nerd.”

“Er, okay. What’s his name?”

“Kyle.”

Harry stares at her for a second before he puts the note cards down and scrubs his face with his hands. “No, his name is not Kyle!”

“I know it’s not! It’s Kylo. But I always think it’s Kyle so my brain goes to Kylo next because I know everyone has weird ass names in Star Wars.”

“Don’t say Kyle next time! That’ll be a deduction!”

“Stop yelling at me!”

“I can tell you didn’t study my notes!”

“Your nerd notes? Yeah I didn't! I had better things to do!”

Harry pulls his hands away from his now red face. “Like what?”

“Like making the dinner you’ve not even thanked me for!” Yasmine snaps.

Harry blinks. He glances at his dinner and then murmurs an apology, abandoning his cards behind to eat his food. “Thank you.”

“Shut up.”

He sighs and continues eating. 

Yasmine only stays mad for two minutes. Then, she’s talking. “My costume came in yesterday by the way. Are we still doing the secret thing?”

“Yeah,” Harry says. “And don’t feel stupid about dressing up, alright? Think of it as Halloween.”

“Nerd Halloween,” Yasmine mutters.

Harry looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel. “You’ve called me a nerd three times already.” He takes a deep breath. “Which outfit of Padme’s did you pick?”

“Padme? I’m going as Chewbacca.”

“Hilarious.” 

Harry stands up with his plate and walks over to the other side of the table, sitting beside her. 

Yasmine looks at him. “Why did you move?”

“To be closer to you?”

“Oh.”

Harry throws an arm over her shoulder. “Am I not romantic enough? Yasmine, I swear you act like I’ve never touched you by the way you act sometimes.”

She scoots her chair closer to him. “Untrue.”

He raises his hand to gently caress her cheek. Yasmine turns her head to bite his finger.

“See?” Harry sighs, prying his finger away. “Be normal.”

“I can’t be. I have a nerd boyfriend who likes to touch me too much.” Yasmine brightens. “And you’ll touch me a lot more when you see my dress for tomorrow.”

Harry’s wiping his finger. “Which one did you pick? The one from Attack of the Clones?”

“Um.”

“The second movie.”

“Er.”

“The white one.” Harry drops his head to the table, groaning. “Oh we’re never going to win tomorrow.”

“You should just take one of your other nerd friends, Harry. I know you want that Lego Star Command–”

Harry groans louder. “Star Destroyer.”

“--whatever. I know you want it so maybe you should take someone else.”

He turns his head to glance at her. He takes a deep breath and then sits up, letting the color drain from his face. “No. It’ll be fun.”

“You’re going to yell at me.”

“Lovingly.”

“I’ll bite your head off.”

“Lovingly?” Harry asks weakly.

“No.”

“Anyways. Is it the white dress?”

“The one that’s ripped around the stomach? No.”

Harry looks very interested then. He slides closer. “The black one?”

“No.”

“The blue one?”

“Yes. Which one are you thinking of?”

“The one that looks like a nightgown.”

“No,” Yasmine says thoughtfully. “Maybe I should have done that. Mine is the other one.”

“Yasmine, Padme wear blue a lot.”

“Do you want to see it?”

Harry pauses. Yasmine can tell that he’s going through all the outfits Padme has ever worn that are blue. He comes to the same conclusion as she did days ago when looking for an outfit: the blue ones are the sexy ones. 

His eyes narrow. “Show me yours if I show you mine?”

“Deal.”

Harry stands first. He takes their empty dinner plates to the kitchen and then goes to their room to bring out the two packages of outfits. He tosses Yasmine hers and then proceeds to bring her to the livingroom to open them together.

They decided early on they’d wear a couple costume: Anakin and Padme.

(Yasmine secretly hoped Harry would wear the whole Darth Vader suit with the helmet, but that’s something to unpack at a later time.)

Harry pulls out the Anakin costume, holding it to his body. “Hope it fits.”

Yasmine imagines him in it, the pants sticking wonderfully to his thighs, his hand grasping a large lightsaber. 

“Go put it on.”

Harry raises an eyebrow. “You put yours on too.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

They stare at each other before Yasmine grabs her outfit and goes to the bathroom.

When she returns, Harry’s changed into his as well, swinging around a red lightsaber expertly.

“Oh,” Yasmine says, stopping in her tracks.

“Fuck,” Harry says at the same time.

The outfit fits him so well. As expected, the pants are tight around his upper thighs, but Harry’s just gifted in that department, so it’s normal. Still. He looks mouthwateringly…well, hot.

He’s got sort of a wild look in his eye at the sight of her. With narrowed eyes, he walks backwards until he sits on the couch, holding his hand out.

Yasmine shuffles close, unused to the dress. It’s a bit too long on her.

“Wow.”

Yasmine takes his hand. His fingers trail up to her wrist.

It’s too quiet in here. 

His other hand raises.

He runs his fingers over her bare stomach. The top is just short enough to land by her sternum, leaving a few pairs of ribs exposed. She shivers at his touch and when she goes to move away instinctively, he grabs her wrist.

Yasmine fidgets under his gaze. “I hate when you do that.”

“Do what?” Harry murmurs.

“Look at me.”

“You hate it when I look at you?”

“Yes.”

Harry tightens his hand on Yasmine’s wrist. “Get used to it.” Then he yanks her closer. Pulls her into his lap. “You are beautiful. I could stare at you all day long.”

“It’s just the dress.”

He laughs, just inches away from her skin. Fire erupts in her stomach. “No. Definitely not just the dress.”

Yasmine shudders as Harry leans in to kiss her neck. Her fingers tremble when she clutches his hair, staring up at the ceiling. Pleasure runs through her, landing between her legs.

She loves when Harry gets like this: so desperate to have her close, hands grabbing without a care of how rough he’s being. All he knows is that he wants her body attached to his. And it’s incredibly enticing how he shows it. He tilts his head back so that she can reach his lips. Her fingers plunge into the soft wilds of his messy, shoulder length hair. He hums and kisses her back, hard.

The dark color looks so good on him. He’s long known that black and brown look especially good on him (and Yasmine reminds him of this often to ensure he’s continuing to fill his closet with those colors). Seeing him in this outfit…Yasmine supposes she’s the nerd as well now.

She hardly cares.

With a soft maneuver, she presses herself against his growing bulge. Harry groans softly, detaching his mouth from hers. She grasps his hair tighter. His lips trail down to her neck again where he buries his face and grabs her waist. No matter how many times he makes that noise, it always sends her on a downward spiral.

“Harry,” she whispers, rocking herself against him now. His fingers grip her waist.

“Yes, baby?”

And his voice! His breathy, desperate voice.

“I wanna do something.”

“Yeah, let’s go upstairs.”

But the mere thought of going upstairs – the mere thought of parting from Harry long enough to make it there – threatens to disrupt whatever they have going on. So Yasmine slides away from Harry, but before he can stand, she sits before him on her knees.

Harry freezes.

Yasmine reaches for the sole button on his trousers.

“Oh,” Harry says. “Fuck.”

Yasmine touches her wrists in hopes of finding a hair tie there, but when she finds none, she frowns deeply up at him. Harry shakes his head and carefully pulls her hair up into a makeshift ponytail, making sure all her curtain bangs are out of her face. “I’ve got it, Yas.”

“Thanks,” she whispers, though she feels silly afterwards.

“Yeah.”

Harry lifts his hips long enough for Yasmine to get him out of the trousers. She scoots closer so that she can get his boxer briefs off as well. Harry’s hold on her hair tightens. She reaches out to wrap her fingers around him, giving him a long stroke.

“Fuck,” Harry murmurs. It’s music to Yasmine’s ears. She strokes him again, bringing him to full hardness. There’s a soft flush on Harry’s neck and face, and his thighs are tense. Oh how she loves his thighs.

She loves them enough that before she wraps her mouth around him, she bends down to kiss his thighs. 

She glances up at him as she does, enjoying the small twist of his lips when he looks back down at her. Now, she doesn’t mind his gaze. Because despite the implications, Harry is most certainly not in charge right now. She is.

After biting down on his thigh – just to hear his sharp hiss – Yasmine opens her mouth and takes him in.

His thighs tighten even more. 

Yasmine presses her tongue against him. Harry’s fingers grip her hair when she sucks gently at his tip. 

“Fuck,” Harry whispers, tilting his head back. “Fuck me.”

Yasmine’s stomach flutters. She watches him, enjoying the rise of his chest, the strain of his neck with the beautiful vein protruding every so often. Harry’s head turns to look down at her suddenly, hips rising just barely to meet her mouth.

He gives her a look.

She nods.

He blows air from his mouth and gently thrusts into her mouth, careful and soft despite the firm grip on her hair.

“If I’d known,” he murmurs, “that you’d get like this, I’d have tried the outfit on even sooner.”

Yasmine gasps softly as she pulls off of him. “It’s not only the outfit.”

He laughs, wiping the corner of her lips, which should be damn well embarrassing or weird, but neither of them seem to care. She wraps her mouth around him again, cutting off his laughter with a groan.

After a few moments, her dress begins to slip from her shoulders. Harry’s eyes catch the movement right away and his hips stutter. She’d make a joke but there are more concerning matters presently. Having been with him for a long time, Yasmine knows exactly what he likes: how she should use her tongue, her hands, her eyes that blink up at him all pretty.

“So pretty,” Harry mumbles, on cue. She feels him run his thumb over her cheek as if there’s something to be endeared about right now.

Just before he’s about to come, Harry pulls on her hair and gets her to pull off so he could bend down and kiss her mouth, and then let her tug on him.

“Not on the dress please,” Yasmine says, voice shot.

“I’ll try, baby.”

He manages quite well actually, especially with Yasmine’s effort to move out of the way, letting him spill over her hand instead. His desperate whimpers keep Yasmine’s eyes glued to him.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Harry protests softly when her hand keeps moving over him. “That’s enough.”

Grinning, Yasmine fixes her dress and grabs a few tissues from the coffee table to wipe her hand.

“Maybe instead of going to the trivia night, we can do more of this tomorrow.”

“Mm,” Harry hums, still catching his breath. “Not a chance.”

“Oh come on. This is so much more fun!”

He tucks himself back in and holds his hand out, making her climb into his lap. “No.”

“You’re such a –”

“Nerd?” He laughs, grabbing the back of her neck. “I am.” And then he kisses her slowly, clearly having no issue with what they’ve just done. “Thank you.”

Yasmine hopes her face accurately portrays the glare she thinks she’s putting on. Harry’s eyes are soft and filled with love – but that’s entirely unhelpful because they always are. 

“Just don’t break up with me when I say that Han Solo is Luke’s father.”

Harry holds her tighter. “I’ll try not to.” Then he grabs her waist, pulling her to him. He stands easily, keeping her balanced on him, her legs tight about his torso. “Come on. I’ve got a favor to repay. And the dress stays on, understood?”

Yasmine shivers, despite herself. "Understood."

[themindofachronicdaydreamer]

The Cat Distribution System

fluffy fluff fluff plot: you find a stray kitten and bring it home to Gojo content: alludes to smut, cats, mentions of violence (curses), established relationship, reader referred to as girlfriend word count: 3.1k satoru gojo x reader note: thank you for readingggg :) this is my first so be patient with me. it is purely self indulgent & I am still learning and trying to improve! not proofread super thoroughly so sorry for mistakes! love you <3

Of anything in the world, Gojo was certain he was cats were your favorite. 

This might be able to explain why you start smiling at your phone every time there’s a cat on it. 

This may explain your constant stream of texts to him of pictures of the most adorable cats from the internet or funny TikToks starring kittens being absolutely hilarious. 

It could explain why you constantly dragged him to places that have cats, whether it be a pet shelter or a newly popular cat cafe in the area. 

This might explain why you absolutely broke down when seeing a stray little kitten crying in an alleyway of Tokyo. 

It may explain how, in the middle of a mission, you dropped everything to go to the nearest convenience store, bought a bulk-sized pack of churu sticks to feed the lonesome kitten, and gave it all the pets it ever wanted. 

That also may explain why you just arrived back home earlier than expected - but with a cat. 

Walking into the door of yours and Gojo’s shared apartment, you shout, “I’m home!”

Gojo, who is sitting on the couch watching an old movie while eating a bag of gummy worms, is confused. It was his day off and he had been bored all day, not having you or anyone else available to bother relentlessly for his own entertainment. He had gone for a walk, tried a new restaurant, and came back home just as bored and with many more sweets. He could always sense your specific cursed energy from afar, so he knew you were nearing him before you even reached the door. While he’s in no way complaining about having more time with you, he’s still curious as to what cut the mission short. Before he could vocalize his question, you continue on. 

“Satoru! Where are you? You’ll never guess what happened. You’re a dad now!” You excitedly wonder aloud, knowing he’s home and that will catch his attention if you hadn’t already. 

Gojo is immediately confused. His mind runs a through a long list of possibilities to solve what riddle you just set in front of him. A dad? Yeah, you two may practice creating kids every now and then, but he was certain you weren’t pregnant the past nine whole months. He would know that, right? Wouldn’t it be noticeable? Not in a bad way, just in the nature of growing a human in you and the way your body would adjust to that. He’s sure you would tell him you were pregnant though, or that he would figure it out before eventual labor. Well, he knows you would tell him. You definitely would. You’ve talked about that before. So what isn’t he getting here?

“Sweetheart?” Gojo calls for you while quickly standing up and making his way toward the hallway at the entrance. He stops not too far from the couch when he hears a little squeak. 

Was that… a meow?

He doesn’t have time to think through the noise as you exit the hall and turn the corner toward him. A tiny fur ball is cradled in your arms, eyes wide in curiosity of its new surroundings. Immediately, any question in Gojo's mind was answered.

“Meet Suki!” Your face lights up as you move your arms toward your boyfriend, displaying the cat the best you can. Gojo smiles widely as he looks at your new little bundle of joy - a likely malnourished tiny kitten with a goopy right eye, dirty fur, and potentially (probably) fleas. Immediately he starts fawning over it. 

“Awwwwwwwwwe!“ Gojo said coos as he tilts his head and forms grabby hands reaching toward you and the kitten. With the sudden movement, the claws of the kitten dig into your skin a bit out of fear. She looks up at you, pupils dilated, seemingly asking for help. 

“Saturo, be slow and gentle with her, please! She’s a little nervous still,” you explain to him. The kitten was found alone and while she was not feral, it was obvious she had not had much interaction with people. Plus, when you stumbled on her, you were mid-fight. While the chances of her being able to see the curses are quite low, it felt like she could sense the tension in the surrounding atmosphere as she was cowering behind a dumpster, only coming out when she smelled the delicious churu you had in your hand.

“I’m sorry, baby. She’s just so cute!” Gojo exclaims, causing you to giggle and nod your head in agreement.

Gojo slowly and ever-so carefully reaches his hand toward Suki to allow the cat to sniff him. She recoils a bit, untrusting of the stranger. After thinking about it for a second, Suki sniffs Gojo’s hand, looking quizzically at his snowy white hair. She then turns and snuggles back into you and away from Gojo. He freezes in his position, mouth slightly agape due to the rejection. A small huh? escapes him. 

“I think she’s exhausted. She had a long day. Maybe she’ll be more comfortable after a nap,” you explain after seeing Gojo develop a pout from the rejection. You figured she was still sensitive to new people and was already tired, so you didn’t want to push her more than you already had when trying to feed her earlier. “I bought some stuff at a convenience store and stuffed it in my purse to take care of her before taking her to the vet tomorrow, so I’m gonna go run her a bath.” 

“Wait, wait!" Satoru exclaimed. He was already beginning to miss your attention being solely on him, so he prolonged talking to you and you leaving him to bathe the cat. "Let me guess - you were fighting, saw her, quickly ended the fight because you were only entertaining them to cure your boredom as the typical sorcerer does, helped her, and now you’re here?” Gojo guesses, causing you to gasp and shake your head no.

“No! That is absolutely not what happened. I saw her, immediately exorcized the curses, got her some food, and then I called Nanami to take over for me because of a ‘family emergency’,” you said while using finger quotes. You rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance as you continued, exasperated, “I wasn’t done with my mission, but I wouldn’t just leave it unfinished, Satoru! What kind of sorcerer do you think I am?” 

“Sorry, princess,” Satoru responds as he shakes his head with a chuckle. He watches as you lovingly look at the creature in your arms, mesmerized by the shape of your jaw and the soft smile on your lips. He gives your hair a quick tousle before continuing, “You’re m’favorite sorcerer. The best one out there. Other than me, of course.”

You look up at him, a faint blush spreading across your features. You gave him a disapproving look for his last comment, but the hue of your cheeks gave away the fact that you still get flustered when he compliments you. You gently push on the tips of your toes, lifting yourself up enough to lean toward your boyfriend. After a chaste kiss on his cheek, you hear a meow from your arms. Looking at the kitten, she repeats the same little sound. 

“What, you jealous?” Satoru teases the animal. “You want her attention? Can’t stand to spare a second for a kiss on my cheek?”

You let out a laugh as Suki gives Gojo what you would consider a dirty look. He picks up on it too, clicking his tongue at the kitten and again turning his attention to you. “Friendly, isn’t she?” he states, sticking his tongue out at Suki. 

“Right now, she's shy and nervous,” you answered, heading toward the guest bedroom in the apartment. You knew that at this rate if you did not leave now, you would never be giving her a bath. “I’m gonna use the guest bath.”

“Do you need help?” Gojo asked. He followed behind you, a puppy craving the attention of its owner.

“Actually, yeah. Look, I know it’s late and that this is a big ask, but I didn’t have the hands to get her more food and essentials. Can you go out for me and get some things? I’ll send you a list,” you give him pleading eyes you know never fail to make his knees weak and heart flutter. You wanted to grab these things before, but you could not bring yourself to leave the kitten alone for a second longer than she already had been for who knows how long. You were going to go later that night so as to not bother Satoru - but since he offered and you are a little tired, why not have him do it for you? A quick run to the pet store for some scratching boards, dry food, wet food, and other basics wouldn’t be the worst you’ve ever asked of him. 

“Yeah, honey, of course. Text me the list, yeah? I’ll get going now,” Satoru, your savior in flesh and bone, agrees as he flashes you a big, toothy smile, then moves to grab his keys.

“Thank you, Toru,” you say as you cuddle the kitten closer. 

Satoru smiles at the sight he knows he is going to grow to love; you looking at the kitten like she is your entire world, while he looks at you knowing you are his.

"Anything for you. I love you," Satoru says as he walks around to hug you from behind and not disturb Suki. He presses a kiss to your head, you melting into his touch.

"Alright, let me give her a bath! Stop stalling me," you say. Satoru releases you from his grasp. You turn to face him to see his face has a pout once again.

"Gimme a kiss before I go, please?" He says, then puckers his lips and leans forward.

"You're a dork," you say, but continue to lean in and kiss him. "But I love you too."

------

With Suki now bathed to the best of your ability and eating another churu stick while in a big fluffy blanket, you are beginning to wonder what is taking your boyfriend so long. The pet store is not a far walk and is an even closer drive, yet you finished the bath about an hour and a half ago.

Just on cue, you hear the front door open after a slight struggle. Suki's ears perk up, but she is too tired and invested in eating the churu that she does not even bother to glance in the direction.

You hear quick footsteps until Gojo appears from the hallway. With a big box under one arm and a couple tote bags full of things that you can't quite tell what they are, he stumbles into the kitchen. He quickly sets everything down, giving you a better sight of what all he has. You see the big box was a cat tree, and in the bags is a variety of canned food, wet food, treats, toys, tunnels, collars, more treats, multiple automatic food and water bowl sets, and a couple of outfits. This is why you never send Gojo on errands.

"Satoru, you bought way too much!" you say. You motion to the bags of stuff he put down as he walks toward you with an innocent smile on his face.

"I actually think I didn't buy enough. I figured you would want a say in some things though, so I held off. A little bit," the man in question responds. He then pulls out a little box of icing covered treats with sprinkles on them. "I even got her sweets!"

Suki - coincidentally - now decides to acknowledge her new father's presence, meowing at him from across the room in her blanket. Gojo looks over and coos as he walks over to her.

"Hi sweet girl, did you have a scary day? Do you want some delicious treats to celebrate you coming home today?" He opens the box toward the kitten, who stares at it, sniffing the aroma she finds so enticing. She then walks forward, rubs her head against the hand holding the box, and meows again. Gojo giggles as he takes the treat out of the container to help the cat.

Your heart feels like it is about to burst. Watching the two interact brings you so much joy, and with how welcoming Gojo has been ever since you spurred this on him, you could not be more excited. He takes his phone out of his pocket and takes a billion pictures of the new addition to the family.

"Tell me everything, baby. How'd you find her? How was the mission? I'm sure Nanami is pissed," Gojo says to you after he puts his phone away.

You had wanted a cat for a while, but it never seemed like the right time. With you and Gojo being jujutsu sorcerers, you had been worried about leaving a new cat alone for an extended period of time or not being able to come home to it. You had considered it once you and Gojo finally moved in, but life never seemed to give you a break, and here you are now.

Still, you did not yield even a single hesitation about leaving this kitten behind. The second you saw her, you were hers.

"Mission was easy, just annoying. Found her behind a dumpster in an alley. Nanami was only slightly irritated. I told him that it's just the cat distribution system, and that no one could deny fate," you shrug your shoulders.

"Oh yeah, like those videos you send me? Where cats just choose their new owner?" Gojo says, causing you to smile.

"You actually watch all of those?" You questioned.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" he says, appearing genuinely confused.

"Dunno, I just send them a lot. But yeah, you're right. The second I saw her, I had a feeling," you elaborated. "She was mine!"

Satoru thinks to the first time he saw you back at Jujutsu High on the first day there. He remembers every detail: how you did your hair that day (two braids with black bows at the ends of them), who you were with (Shoko, a childhood best friend of yours), the way you laughed (a cute little laugh, throwing your head back at Shoko's joke). He remembers time moving so slowly, he felt like he was staring at you for hours. Suguru Geto, his new friend, stared at Gojo's frozen features and sighed, waving Shoko, another new friend, over.

Gojo can recall clear as day how your hair framed your face, your eyes stared into his icey ones hidden by black shades, and how you introduced yourself to him.

He knew then that you were different. He knew you were going to be in his life for a while. You were his, and he was yours. He just had a feeling.

Who knew that one day comparing his love for you to your love for your new kitten you found, mid-fight and in a dark, Tokyo alley?

He just can't contain his giddiness toward you anymore. You were so cute, so soft, and so sweet. He wanted to dote on you and shower you in all of the love he could.

"God, baby. You are the cutest thing I have ever seen!" He exclaims as he pinches your cheeks.

"Stop, Toru," you wave him off. "I thought we were talking about Suki?"

"You were. You just distract me," he says, a hand coming up to stroke your cheek. He leaned in and placed a kiss on your forehead. "How could you not when you look so adorable?"

A little meow echoes throughout the room.

"Do not flirt with me in front of our child! She is clearly uncomfortable," You jokingly tease your beloved boyfriend.

Gojo glares at Suki, who is still eating her treats, content with her new life of luxury.

"Ugh. Way to cockblock, Suki," Saturo groans as he flashes the innocent kitten the finger

"First of many," You add, smiling. You swat at his outstretched hand, grabbing it and pulling it into you. You smile up at him, pulling his blindfold up so you can see his eyes, and giving him a loving kiss. "I love you, Toru."

"I love you more, cutie."

As much as you cats are your favorite of anything in the world, you know it is impossible to love anything more than you love Satoru Gojo. As you stare into his eyes, you know he knows that too.

Cats are a very near second place, though.

Bonus

Your phone rings with a familiar ringtone. You look down to see Megumi's contact staring back at you and press answer, lifting the phone to your ear.

Before you could even say hello, you hear, "Now why the hell did you get a cat?"

"Hello to you, too, Megumi. My day has been great, thanks!" You tease. "Yeah, yeah. Now why?"

"How do you even know? I was gonna tell you next time I saw you," you ponder, already having an idea of the answer to your question.

"Gojo posted it everywhere already. Every story. Every single one," Megumi confirmed your suspicions. "Answer my question, please? I am not the most fond of those things."

"It's the cat distribution system," Megumi hears another voice in the background say.

"The what?"

Suddenly, the phone is lifted from your hands, your boyfriend having replaced you in speaking to Megumi. "Hey, Gumi!"

"Gojo? I said not to call me that," Megumi groans, although you know he doesn't really mind the nickname.

"The cat distribution system is a phenomenon where stray cats choose a random owner, and the new owner must take care of the cat because simply, the cat decides it will!" Gojo explains. "Isn't that cool? My Suki-bear was all alone and my lovely girlfriend here brought her to the safety of our humble abode."

Megumi is silent for a moment before huffing, "There is no way you actually believe that."

A mischievous smirk appears on Gojo's face as he says "Megumi, are you afraid of cats?"

Megumi began stuttering nonstop as he said, "N-No, I... I just... I don't like them. Um. I... I'm allergic?" Gojo laughs at this response, causing Megumi to scoff. "Whatever."

The line goes silent, and Gojo hands you the phone. He looks at your irritated expression with an unwavering smile.

Before you could say anything, a little meow is heard, causing Gojo to laugh before saying, "Right, Suki? What a loser! Who wouldn't love you?"

-----

the ending isnt my fave but i hope you enjoyeeddddd thank you for reading all this way ilyyyyyy