#the most i plan on doing regarding transitioning is getting a hysterectomy

[goblinbugthing]

hey. hey. btw. if youre trans and dont plan on medically transitioning. i love you

[xdemonicheartx]

Ive been struggling a lot with my self image to the point I’m having breakdowns in the mirror. I need help from anyone who can.

I’m AFAB agender/non binary and ive got some gripes about me I want help in altering in any way if I could get help finding resources or workouts or anything that would help me achieve a more masculine silhouette I would kiss you on the mouth (with your consent of course )

I am 24 years old, 5’7”/170.18cm, 195lbs/88.5kg, type one diabetic, neurodivergent (diagnosed ADHD, high suspicion of comorbid Autism though i cannot get an official diagnosis because the waitlist closest to home is a 2 year wait as of 2022) fibromyalgia is also present for anyone who needs any context regarding health concerns surrounding medical procedures they might recommend or suggest

Below are the things I need help in changing as a list with some details surrounding my anatomical structure

My goal is to be completely unsure if I’m a male or female with a look alone but with androgyny that can be a pretty broad area. I know if I gain upper body musculature that can help but I cannot afford a gym membership yet

vvv More below vvv

I have an exceptionally voluptuous butt. Its almost comical to me, I would say I’m slim-thick or pear shaped. Its the type of back end that a lot of cis femme women would covet, its mostly muscle tissue due to years of athletics but theres also scar tissue from years of insulin injections

My hips are VERY wide. Like I said I’m pear shaped, I hate the curvy figure I have and its rounded edges, I have small pockets of fat resting on my hips that only add to the figure

I have a very stubborn hormonal fat deposit on my stomach I want to stop oral birth control which is the most likely culprit but I currently cannot until I can get a hysterectomy

I have a muffin top and artificial hip dips due to fat deposits that I am looking to tame

Chest dysphoria, I don’t have large boobs, they’re a perky B/C cup. I would consider top surgery but I don’t know how to bring that up with my partner. I do use a fytist binder and I love how my chest looks flat/with nice pectoral muscle (even if its smushed boob). My partner loves the way I am shaped overall but I do not. (He/him/they/them bisexual)

Facial features are so rounded and I cant contour to save my life. I know losing weight will be seen in the face first but what else can I do?

Speaking of face I have loose skin under my chin thats not a double chin but any type of glance downward makes a pseudo double chin and I’m incredibly insecure about it. I have a relatively feminine jaw line and I have a jaw exerciser/silicone bite that I need to use more. Are neck tucks something available for me?

I have hooded eyes, they make me look so tired. I know eye lid lifts are a procedure but thats something I would need to save up for and plan for, I am unsure if losing weight would change this

The triceps of my arms feel like they’re on the road to bingo wings/bat wings, I know the tricep is supposed to hang freely when relaxed and not in use but when my arm hands at my side there is a bit of pudge above my elbow that says “body fat” and not soft muscle

I understand weight loss can help with a small handful of these and muscle building can too but there are additional features and traits that cannot be worked for aside from medical intervention and cosmetic electives. I’m looking for workouts, medical procedures and price ranges, shapewear, makeup tutorials, diets that help in weight loss or muscle gain, and literally anything else that might help me feel like this is my body. Its becoming a large hinderance on my mental wellbeing

I really cannot keep dwelling on how my body is wrong when its something I am stuck with for life so all I can do is work to alter it and care for it. However I know these alterations are possible. Ive seen incredible transformations and transitions within the trans community and NB communities and I’m really hoping some of your experiences can be passed onto me so that I can live as myself too

I appreciate those that have taken the time to read this far. Thank you

[chronic-invisibility]

I have told this story several times on here but it bears repeating. I started Testosterone on December 13, 2017 and I was on it for less than a year before I stopped. I wanted to be on T, it was very beneficial for my mental and physical health, I didn’t want to stop taking it. The reason I stopped was because I was using the gel, and at a certain point the pharmacy I was getting it from got a different manufacturer. This happens all the time in pharmacies (I just stopped working as a retail pharmacy technician like, last week. Sometimes you just get a different manufacturer in your shipment. There’s drug shortages and supply chain issues and manufacturing changes and a whole lot more, and it gets even more complicated for controlled medications, like Testosterone). So the pharmacy got a different version of the T I’d been getting, it was the same medication, same dose, same application method, but the consistency of the gel itself was slightly different from the kind I’d gotten before. Most people probably wouldn’t have noticed at all, or maybe noticed but didn’t mind. Unfortunately for me (and my at the time undiagnosed autism) this was a sensory nightmare and I physically couldn’t touch it without wanting to rip my skin off, which would have been counterintuitive. So I just, stopped taking it. I didn’t want to stop T for transition related reasons, it had been helping my dysphoria and overall mental health a LOT, but I could no longer stand to touch the gel, and it didn’t occur to me to ask the pharmacist or my doctor or anyone really if there was anything we could do to fix the problem and still keep me on T. So I stopped taking it. For a while. And wouldn’t you know? My dysphoria got worse, the rest of my mental health got worse, some of the changes that I’d started to have on T started going back to what my body did naturally without it, which was really not what I wanted at all. I was miserable. At one point, my therapist at the time asked me if I’d only wanted to be on Testosterone for a short period of time because those were the only changes I’d wanted from it, and if I was happy that I wasn’t taking it anymore. I told him, no, I was very much Not happy, and I was very embarrassed to tell him why I stopped. He was shocked. Why didn’t I ask my doctor about alternatives? Or the pharmacy? I don’t know. He told me that the same clinic I was getting therapy at also does trans-related healthcare and I could see someone there who could help me. I didn’t want the same thing to happen again with the gel, and I thought maybe doing shots would be better, but I was afraid of needles and I couldn’t imagine giving myself a shot once a week. No problem, says my therapist, the nurses here can do the shots for you for as long as you want, and if/when you want to learn to do it yourself they’ll teach you and make sure you’re comfortable doing it on your own before they get you set up to do it at home. So I started doing the shots there, and when COVID hit, I decided to learn to do them myself so I wouldn’t have to go out and risk getting sick just to keep being on T. So I learned to do it myself, and it’s fine, and now that I’ve had a hysterectomy I’ll need to keep doing them for the rest of my life, but I was planning on doing that anyway, so. But you know the wild thing? Other than the mental health aspect, I suffered absolutely ZERO negative consequences of stopping T after being on it for almost a year. None. My body went right back to doing what it had been doing pre-T, but with a slightly deeper voice. That was it. My labwork was fine, my health was fine (in regards to trans-related stuff, I do still have other health issues), if I’d genuinely only wanted to be on Testosterone for a short time because that was all I wanted in terms of transitioning, I would have been completely fine. And any doctor that knows anything about trans-related healthcare will tell you the same. Don’t let your bigotry stop other people from being happy just because YOU were unhappy with a choice you made, knowing there would be consequences.

if you want to try testosterone, you don't need to stop yourself from doing it. it's okay to be scared and nervous, but i promise, any judgements in your head are lies. you won't be ruined or changed forever. you won't have made a mistake if you end up not liking it. you will be just as wonderful as you are right now, and you will have grown and learned about yourself. no matter what happens.

self exploration and empowerment comes in many forms, and going on T could be one of them. but you won't know until you try!