#the most endearing thing to do to hawkeye is to put him in a situation that turns him into a puddle

[remyfire]

Hawkeye talks a big game when I know in my soul that if Margaret walked him into her tent and whipped off her robe and asked what he was waiting for, he'd freeze up with an immediate "I don't know, I never thought I'd get this far."

[fluffykitty1999-blog]

Burned Chapter 5

Two long hours passed. Roy simply sat beside the boy's bed, listening to the clock on the wall tick away time and watching the small, bandaged chest rise and fall and golden eyes dart around beneath closed lids.

Hughes was in and out- at some point, there was a coffee cup beside him, and he found himself ignoring it.

The sound of high heels clicking on tile brought him out of his thoughts, however, and he looked over to see Hawkeye standing in the doorway, chocolate eyes concerned.

"How is he?" Riza said calmly, as Roy was running his fingers lightly over the bandaged mitten that was the boy's flesh right arm.

"Holding up." Roy said simply, eyes weary.

She nodded, stepping forward and eyeing the boy she'd grown to love like a son carefully, reaching out carefully to brush blond bangs away from the bandages, a tender look crossing her features for a brief moment before she looked up.

"It's my duty to inform you, Sir, that this wasn't your fault."

"Hughes tried it already. My flames- my fault." Roy said, expression darkening.

Riza frowned. "I doubt Ed would want you to blame yourself."

"Yeah, well- I'd ask him, if he were conscious. But he's not. That's my fault too." Roy said, voice bitter. He frowned suddenly- "He's going to be in a lot of pain. He'll have every right to be angry, as will Alphonse..."

His stomach dropped at the thought of the panicked suit of armor clanking down the halls, looking frantically for his older brother. He felt sick at the thought of what he'd done o the kids...

He was supposed to look out for the Elric brothers. Not nearly kill them.

He frowned, looking up at Riza seriously. "I need you to do me a favor. You have your car?"

"Of course."

"I need you to go get Alphonse. I asked Hughes to send for him- but the military dorms are across town, and I don't feel right making the kid find his way here himself. Not when this is my fault- the poor kid is probably nearly beside himself about Ed, anyways." Roy frowned, turning and casting a glance at Ed's still form.

"Of course, Sir. But only if you do something for me in return."

"Oh?" Roy cocked an eyebrow. "i was under the impression I was the one giving the orders here, lieutenant."

"You are. But as your adviser, I have to tell you not to beat yourself up over this. You may blame yourself, and I can't change that- but Edward needs you strong. Put your feelings aside- if not for your sake, for his. He needs someone strong right now. He needs you."

Roy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, frustrated. "The kid has second degree burns on 40% of his body, and you're telling me he needs me?"

"Those boys need someone. He's only thirteen- so I suggest you stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the boys." Riza said, gaze hardening, before she turned, heels clicking as she left the room, leaving to presumably to do as Roy said and fetch Alphonse.

Once again, he was left alone- the only sounds her heels fading as she walked down the tile hallway, Edward's breathing, and the clock.

Edward's breathing hitched slightly, and Roy looked down at the blonde to see bleary golden eyes opening, roving around the room. The normally vibrant goldenrod were dull with confusion.

"Edward?"

Slowly, yellow eyes focused on him, lips moving slowly. "...colonel?"

"Fullmetal. Good to see you awake." he slipped back into formality- it was a habit, really, a defense mechanism.

The boy moaned slightly, twitching and shifting on the bed slightly.

"Are you in pain?" Roy asked hurriedly, leaning forward. His eyes darted towards the door nervously- perhaps he should run for the doctor...

"Nnnguuh. I feel... weird..." Ed's words were thick, eyes still dull and glassy, uncomprehending.

"Easy, kid. It's probably just the anesthesia wearing off." Roy said calmly. Even though he'd fallen back to his usual authoritative way of speaking to the kid, he had yet to let go of the bandaged hand.

Something in his tone seemed to soothe the boy, and for once- he listened to Roy, laying back on the pillows and staring up at the ceiling as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.

Roy watched the spark slowly return to the boy's eyes- flickering and dim at first, but slowly, awareness came back. Like the glittering of a candle flame- it was far from the usual inferno of passion swirling in those irises, but it was far better than before.

Even as clarity returned, though, the boy didn't move his bandaged hand.

Instead, he turned, looking over at Roy carefully. "Mustang?" his voice was raspy, but much clearer than before.

"What happened?"

"What do you remember?" Roy asked, surveying the boy hesitantly.

"I... uh... I was chasing after the guy. The alchemist on a rampage. And fire... it hurt..."

He started trying to sit up, only to gasp in pain. Roy quickly pushed him back to the mattress. "Don't do that! You're hurt, Ed- just lay still."

Edward's eyes had widened, however, when he saw the bandages covering his torso and arm.

Ed paused, looking over at Roy, uncertain. "It hurts." he admitted quietly. "What happened to me?"

"You were trying to get the alchemist from behind- you jumped out and didn't realize I was engaging the man from the front. I used my alchemy- and you got caught in the flames."

"H-how?" Ed paused, looking down, shocked. "How bad is it!?" he looked up, anxious. "I can't stay like this- I have to take care of Al!"

"Easy, Fullmetal!" Roy raised his voice slightly, trying to calm the kid down. He'd expected to be shouted at- he'd expected the kid to scream and rage at him, not to have him worry for his brother- but it was such an Edward thing to do and say, and it only served to shatter his heart more.

"Easy. They're second and third degree burns-" he paused. "They should heal, but you have to give them time."

"R-right."

"The doctors are optimistic about your recovery. You need to stay calm. Do you need anything? Water?"

"N-no." Ed frowned, head falling back to the pillow. Roy frowned, watching the kid take a shaky break. tears leaked down the corner of his eyes.

"It hurts..."

"I'll get the doctor." Roy turned, heading for the door.

"No!"

Something in Fullmetal's tone stopped him cold- he turned, only to see Fullmetal in tears, automail arm reaching across the bed towards him.

"D-don't leave. It hurts, gah... don't leave me alone!"

Roy's eyes widened slightly- but there was no arguing with the desperation in the boy's tone, and he quickly re-installed himself in the chair beside the boy's bed, taking his hand.

"I'm not going anywhere." he said, reassuring the kid.

Edward was breathing raggedly for the next minute or two, struggling to school his expression and wincing.

Within two minutes, however, Edward had schooled his frantic expression to a calm but pained one and steadied his breathing.

"S-sorry about that." he managed through grit teeth.

Roy blinked. "There's nothing to apologize for, Edward. You're in pain."

"Y-yeah, well- I'll get over it." Ed said firmly, closing his eyes for a moment before looking up.

"Alright?" Roy asked.

"Y-yeah." Ed nodded, voice still thick with pain.

Once Edward seemed to have relaxed slightly, Roy spoke, brows furrowed. "Do you hate me, Fullmetal?"

Ed frowned, looking over at him in confusion. "Should I?"

"I wouldn't blame you if you did. I burned you, after all."

"Was a freak accident. If you'd been trying to hit me- you wouldn't have. ...could've happened to anyone- but it had to be you, you bastard."

Roy frowned. While Fullmetal seemed annoyed, there was no real hatred in his expression- only a grimace and a bit of reluctance. It wasn't really an answer- but Fullmetal's eyes were blinking rapidly.

"W-where's Al?" he looked exhausted and pale. "H-he's gonna be worried..."

"I sent Hawkeye to pick him up. He'll be here soon."

"Oh..." Ed blinked owlishly. The kid was clearly struggling to stay awake. It was both concerning he was run down and endearing he'd try to wait up for his younger brother.

"Rest, Edward. Alphonse will be here when you wake up."

"'M not tired. I just woke up..."

"Sleep. That's an order." Roy couldn't keep the grin from his face. It was so like the stubborn Fullmetal he was used to- he was clearly hurt, but not broken.

"Don't tell me what to do." Ed growled quietly, eyes drooping. Roy watched the boy's eyes droop before he was jerking them open, struggling to stay awake. He kept it up for one minute, two... before he was finally pulled under, back into the embrace of sleep.

"The doctor says he'll pull through. But he's going to need some pretty serious care to make sure none of the burns get infected." Hughes stood out in the hallway speaking quietly to Roy, who'd crossed his arms and was listening seriously.

"He's going to need help and room to heal. More room than a military dorm room. And it isn't fair to saddle Alphonse with that. He's only eleven."

Roy frowned, listening.

Hughes ran a hand through his hair, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Now I haven't talked to Gracia yet, but I know she wouldn't object to setting him up in the guest room. It'll be a little hectic, but she knows Edward. Things might get a little cramped with Alphonse, but we'll make due..."

"No."

"What? It'll be fine. It's better than leaving the kid to fend for himself in the dorms..." Hughes protested.

"I said no. Edward will be coming home with me. I've got two spare rooms in my house, and I don't have a wife and four year old to worry about. It'll be far less cramped and I'll have more time to devote to him."

Hughes blinked, surprised. "And... you're sure about this?"

"I'm the one who put him in this situation. It's the least I can do to take care of him- and Alphonse- until he's back on his feet."

"Roy." Hughes frowned. "It's going to take a lot more than you realize to take care of him. Dealing with a kid takes more than you ever realized you had- and more than just a sense of obligation."

"I'm doing this. I don't expect it to be easy." Roy said calmly.

Hughes sighed. "And there's no way I can talk you out of this?"

"No."

Hughes nodded. "Alright. Ed should be here for a few days, at least, so you'll have time to get ready- and if you need something, you call, alright? If I'm not there, Gracia will drop everything- she knows those boys almost as much as I do."

Roy nodded. "I appreciate your support."

Hughes shrugged, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah, well- I don't envy you. I don't think you know exactly what you're getting yourself into."

"I know Fullmetal- and I've dealt with burns. I'll take care of him- and Alphonse. It's the least I can do."

Hey there! If you’re enjoying this story, I’d super appreciate if you could drop me a couple bucks at https://ko-fi.com/fluffykitty12 . Your support helps me keep writing! :)

[patsdrabbles]

I Spy a Spy Spider

Title: I Spy a Spy Spider Fandom: M*A*S*H Pairing: Charles Winchester/Donna Marie Parker Rating: Gen Word Count: 1755 Summary: Nothing helped more in a dire situation than having the support of a beloved co-worker after all. Zoo AU; they’re dating and Flagg is being his usual insufferable self. ❤ A/N: Part 18 of my Daily Fanfic Chocolates calendar :D This is a fic that I wrote for a prompt sent to me by my dear friend @onekisstotakewithme a while ago- “Did you just propose to me?” ^^ Please enjoy ❤

(links to AO3 and the DFC masterpost are in the reblogs!)

There was a spider in her lab.

In and for itself, that wouldn’t have been much of a problem. She was used to spiders, almost something sort of friend with them, seeing how so many lived next door to her. She wasn’t afraid of most of them either.

But this was a big one – a familiar one.

“Chuuuuuck!”

Nothing helped more in a dire situation than having the support of a beloved co-worker after all.

He came running through her lab’s door only moments later, safety glasses in his hand.

“What is it, Donna, dear?”

She just pointed at the wall and its recurring occupant quietly.

“Oh, hell no.”

Charles seldom swore, but they had been in this situation far too often by now for the two of them not to slowly but surely get annoyed by it.

“Is that one of Flagg’s spy spiders I spy?” He said it with a rise of the eyebrow and a critical glance at the spider in question.

Donna couldn’t help it, she snorted.

“Okay, that was awful but true, and you get a lab point for that.”

“Allow me to get another one and aah–” He was already standing on the tip of his toes, an empty big glass vessel from her workbench already in his hand.

“Come here, spidey spidey.”

Donna chuckled and watched as Charles stretched his arm out some more.

“Aaaaaaa–”

Both Charles and Donna gave a jump at the sudden shout.

“ –ha!”

They turned around in unison to stare at–

Flagg.

“I knew you weren’t actually supportive of my spiders! I betcha don’t approve of my plans for the new big terrarium either! But now I have proof–” He held up his phone. “And I will go to the zoo administration in the morning! What? Did you think you’d just get away with trying to hurt Amelia?”

Flagg marched toward the wall, pushing a baffled aside Charles as he did, and held out a gloved hand for the spider to climb on. To Donna and Charles’s surprise, the spider immediately started crawling toward him.

“There we go. Hello, my dear.” Flagg held up the spider at eye level to inspect it more closely. “You better be glad that she is unharmed, y’know?”

“What the hell, Flagg?” Donna just stared at him, however more angry than perplexed by now. “You let a poisonous spider escape that you blame us for wanting to catch- and bring back to you?”

“Now, listen here, Miss Parker–”

“No, Sam, you are going to take that spider and get it back to where it belongs. And then you’ll stop ‘accidentally’ letting them escape. God knows we’re busy enough as it is trying to work, but do you know what would happen if Amelia or one of her friends would have fallen into one of our chemical solutions, for example?” She stared at him firmly. “Do you want your spy spiders to dissolve? I don’t want that for them, Chuck doesn’t want that for them–” Charles nodded. “And I’m sure you don’t want that for them either.”

Flagg was silent. But just for a moment.

Then he pointed at Donna with his spider-free hand.

“This isn’t over yet, Miss Parker.”

Flagg turned around sharply to leave the room, when suddenly, Charles felt something on his leg.

“Oh good god.”

He said it so quietly that not only Donna looked into his direction immediately, but Flagg paused and turned around, as well.

A long brown snake, a jararaca, was currently making its way up his pants leg.

“Flagg, this has gone too far. Take it back. Now.”

But Flagg didn’t move.

“Do you want me to die at this animal’s whim?” Charles’s voice was starting to sound somewhat high-pitched. He wasn’t entirely sure how venomous the snake was, but he knew that it belonged to those that they were considering to be at least somewhat dangerous.

“Don’t move, Chuck!” Donna suddenly instructed him, coming toward him from the supply shelves at the side of the room. She wore thick protective gloves, a determined expression and quickly took hold of the jararaca.

Then she marched toward the door, quickly.

“Flagg, move!”

Flagg... moved?

“Door.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Now let’s hurry to get this one back behind glass again, asap.”

Charles walked toward the door and stared after them, Donna giving Flagg short and sharp instructions on what to do to help get the animal back to its terrarium safely and quickly.

He remained standing in the doorframe for several minutes, trying to regain his composure. He wasn’t certain but perhaps he could have died, and all of that only because Flagg was hell-bent on ‘proving’ that everyone (and especially the lab team, for some reason) was against his plans for a new terrarium by documenting situations – that he had created himself – that allegedly showed them treating his animals badly.

Charles considered writing the man a letter and telling him that what he really needed for his plans to get approved was an actual financial plan, crucial but lacking in Flagg’s requests so far. Maybe then they’d finally get some peace in the lab once again. At least for a while.

Donna returned after a few minutes, shaking somewhat, and Charles took one glance at her before pulling her into a hug.

“It almost bit me when I put it back.”

Deadly or venomous or not – Charles considered going to Flagg right this instant and telling him off for today and all the other incidents over the course of the last few months. But Donna was still in his arms and had just rested her head against his chest. He could very badly leave her now. Weren’t he so concerned for her (and the rest of the team’s) workplace safety due to Flagg continuing to breach it, the thought of letting go would never even have occurred to him.

Donna started laughing shakily, making his attention return to the present situation.

“Chuck?” She looked up at him but didn’t let go of him as she kept talking. “You do realize that you owe me another dinner now? That should certainly count as the two lab points I was still missing.”

Charles just nodded softly and slowly ran a hand over her hair as she leaned her head back against his chest, shaking it lightly.

He would have asked her out on another date soon anyway, silly lab points or not. They had only been an excuse for the first time she had wanted to be able to ask him out on a date anyway.

He remained quiet as he looked at her with a fondness that had long been going beyond words already. Donna...

She was clever enough to take it up with anyone at the zoo, including Hawkeye when he was feeling extremely witty, tough and strong-minded enough to take it up even with the nuisance Flagg, a splendid conversation partner, including when they were discussing classics, and the unquestioned champion of the science section’s bi-weekly Friday evening trivia quiz game. Add to that her charming personality and endearing sense of humor and–

“Donna, please marry me.”

He had said it quietly, under his breath, but the moment the words escaped his mouth he knew that he meant it, wants this, from the bottom of his heart. 

The next second, he began to lose his nerves. Donna let go of him and moved a step back, looking him into the eyes with an intensity that made him gulp nervously.

Had he really just proposed to her?

“Chuck, we’ve been on... what. Ten dates so far?” Her voice was soft, but...

Charles felt like he was mere seconds from running away. And two more seconds from realizing that it would be pointless, as they both knew the zoo better than their own lab coat pockets.

In the end, he let out a deep sigh and looked away for a moment, before moving to place his hands on her arms and dropping them again the next instant.

When their gazes met, he suddenly calmed down enough to tell her what he had been thinking about for weeks already. On the one hand, ten dates seemed like very little to him, as well, but they had known each other for five years already, worked together, gone on weekend trips together... He was sure she was the one for him. He took another steadying breath and smiled at her.

“What can I say?” He took hold of one of her hands. “I love you.”

If red lories were red, Donna’s cheeks turned redder after his confession.

She moved to hide her face behind her hands but Charles wouldn’t have any of it.

“Donna? Donna, dear, please – talk to me?”

When she moved her hands down again slowly, Charles saw that there were tears running down her cheeks. Charles stared at her in shock for a second. Had he just ruined the best thing he had in his life? How was he going to fix this? What–

“Charles, calm down.”

And Donna was laughing despite the tears that were still running down her face. “It’s alright.”

“Alright?” Charles kept staring at her, unsure of what to do next.

How was this alright? He had accidentally proposed to the woman he loved and she had started to cry and now she was laughing and–

“Charles!”

She suddenly closed the distance between them and held him tightly.

“Does it calm you if I tell you I’ll say ‘yes’ if you just give me a little more time?” She paused when she noticed that he had stopped breathing. “I’m not going to say ‘no’, alright? I just need a little more time. But I’d... I’d love to marry you, Charles.”

She looked up and smiled at him, bright as the sun that he secretly liked to compare her to.

“Oh.”

She chuckled quietly and stood on her tippy toes to kiss him gently on the nose.

“I love you, Charles.”

And, realizing his unfounded worries, he simply knew that she wouldn’t say ‘no’, no matter when he would ask her again.

He put his arms around her and rested his forehead against hers.

“And I love you. Donna.” His voice was nearly inaudible, he said her name so softly.

Then, he smiled at her, almost grinning.

“Our future grandchildren won’t hear that spiders and snakes were involved in this proposal.”

Donna just grinned back at him and couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

“Oh, they absolutely will.”

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #192: Steel City Nightmare!

February, 1980

Weirdly my first thought was that this could be a Superman cover. Because Wonder Man is very red and blue and I somehow overlooked Iron Man at first. And punching a big glowy guy full of kirby krackle is just the kind of nonsense Superman would get up to.

And later in this issue, Wonder Man ends up in a situation that reminds him of “an old Max Fleisher cartoon” and takes a page from the unnamed hero thereof.

So I wonder (ha!) if its a coincidence or if I’m picking up on an intentional homage.

Anyway.

Last time: the Avengers won their freedom from Agent Gyrich’s restrictions by ditching their senatorial hearing to go fight Grey Gargoyle. There’s more to it then that but basically the very short time when Gyrich had much sway on the Avengers is over.

This time: A steel city nightmare.

We actually start with Wonder Man and Tony Stark touring a steel factory.

And the narration reminds us of the easily forgotten fact that Wonder Man aka Simon Williams and Tony Stark were once competitors. Until Simon Williams got in huge amounts of trouble for embezzling money and then agreed to let a Nazi scientist experiment on him and then died.

But this steel factory belonged to Wonder Man back before all of that and Tony Stark asked him to come on the inspection to help him decide whether or not to add the factory to the holdings of Stark International.

I might be a kind of insensitive gesture if Wonder Man gave a crap about his life as a businessman, which he doesn’t. He just seems kind of amused by the blast from his past.

Meanwhile nearby, some of the workers ooh and ahh over getting to see a real superhero like Wonder Man from so close.

The foreman, Joseph Conroy, brags about seeing Thor use this very factory to repair Mjolnir a couple years back. Conroy even found a chip of Uru afterward and made a good luck charm/keychain out of it.

One of the other workers says something weirdly threatening though.

One of the other workers: “Maybe you’d better switch to rabbit’s feet, Conroy. That lucky charm don’t seem to be workin’ too good lately... does it?”

Conroy nervously excuses himself to get Wonder Man’s autograph for his daughter.

Aww, Wonder Man actually has fans. Children fans.

But later as Conroy returns from getting said autograph, another worker jumps out of concealment and smacks him with an ore spoon.

Knocking him over the railing and sending him falling right into the furnace.

Where he just. Vaporizes. Eesh.

Alas Conroy. You cameo from a Thor comic, you.

Unfortunately, in addition to the tragedy of a man being murdered, him falling into the vat of molten metal also spilled some molten metal on the cauldron operator.

Who obviously runs off screaming, suffering terrifying injuries.

But the cauldron continues on its automated way, operating on a pre-set rate of flow which pours molten metal all over the manufactory floor.

Less than good.

There’s no time to get all the workers to safety so the crucible has to be stopped.

Tony tries to slip away to become Iron Man but Wonder Man grabs his briefcase from him and throws it across the factory to hit the control panel.

Leaving Tony Stark just sadly watching and thinking “Aw, geez. My armor...!”

Its like a brief but effective example of how secret identities can backfire. I love it.

And the gambit works. The crucible stops pouring.

But the already spilled metal is still flowing towards workers so Wonder Man jumps off the catwalk to go save the day.

Wonder Man: “Somebody’s got to stop that molten steel! And since I’m the only Avenger around, it looks like I’m elected!”

I do like Wonder Man sometimes. Despite his insecurity and self-doubt, when the moment comes he almost always steps up.

Anyway, this is the moment where Wonder Man takes some inspiration from not-named-but-totally-Superman cartoons, grabs some I-beams, bends them into U-beams, and dams up the molten flow.

And it works! You’re two for two on good ideas, Wonder Man!

Then he hears someone calling for help and he rushes in.

One of the workers tripped and someone got his fool ankle stuck in the stamp press.

He begs Wonder Man to turn off the press but Wonder Man doesn’t know how to do that.

Despite once being an inventor businessman, he thinks best with his muscles. So he decides to muscle this problem.

So he jumps under the press and holds it up, gloating that he once fought Thor to a standstill!

A steelworker: “But no one can hold a stamp press back! It’s set for fifty thousand tons!”

Wonder Man: “Don’t worry, friend -- I’m Wonder Man! I once fought Thor to a standstill! And if I can *ung* do that... s-surely I can *ghk* ... can *urf* f-fifty thousand, huh? HHEELLPP!”

Thankfully Tony Stark shows up, a sentiment some would say they never thought would be expressed.

He pulls the worker free and tells Wonder Man to jump clear.

Buuuuuuuuut.... Wonder Man accidentally.... stripped the threads on the thing.

If he jumps out head first, he’ll get a flattened bottom. If he jumps out feet first, a flattened head.

Tony Stark thinks of a third option though.

Grabbing Wonder Man by the belt and pulling him out in all one go so he clears the press.

Good job, Tony Stark.

Yet another sentiment that blah blah et cetera.

So here is part of why I find Wonder Man so endearing I guess. He sure does goof up a lot, often related directly to him bragging about how strong and cool he is. He’s a very human character for a character that’s no longer strictly human.

Wonder Man: “*Whew* That’s what I get for being cocky. Guess I still haven’t had enough experience as a super hero to anticipate all the angles. Thanks, Tony.”

MEANWHILE, AT THE MANSION OF AVENGE

A man approaches Avengers Mansion and tries to gain access with a card.

REJECTED

The security tentacles grab him and then a net is dropped on him, and then laser cannons activate.

So I guess the security system is working.

Agent Gyrich bursts out of the mansion and demands to know who this guy is and why he’s skulking about.

Sid Bloat: “I-I’m Sid Bloat, sir. I-I live down the street an’ I got this neighbor who’s been playin’ his stereo real loud, y’know? My landlord won’t do nothin’ about it, but since the Avengers are good-guys, I thought, well...”

Henry Peter Gyrich: “You mean you’ve attempted to breach a top security installation to solicit some of the most powerful beings on this continent... for a noise complaint?!”

Also the card he tried to use to gain access when prompted for a clearance card was a credit card.

I’m just flabbergasted by that.

I don’t know whether the line of thought was trying to unlock the high tech front door lock like you could with a less advanced lock using a credit card. Or whether he was trying to pay an entry fee. Good lord.

The Avengers all come out to see what the fuss is and Captain America tells the guy that the Avengers are a specialized organization and don’t reeeeeeeeally handle problems like noise complaints.

Gyrich tells the guy to go to the police.

Vision floats out through the wall and says he’s heard that the huu-man method in this situation is hitting a broomstick against one’s ceiling “can be an effective mode of communication in cases such as yours.”

Sid Bloat leaves to maybe take some of these suggestions into consideration but really is thinking he should have gone to the Fantastic Four.

I’m not going to look it up because I don’t want to be disappointed but if the concurrent Fantastic Four comic this month or the following month didn’t have Sid Bloat show up with his noise complaint then comics are a failed medium.

With that little nonsense over, Gyrich is satisfied that the security on the Avengers Mansion is adequate and that some random asshole off the street can’t just walk into the place like he did that one time.

He doesn’t like their newly won autonomy but orders are orders and he’ll be checking up on them from time to time. But for now, GOOD BYE.

And the instant he’s gone, the Avengers go ‘welp time to expand our roster just because we can.’

To be fair, they’re only going to ask Hawkeye and Yellowjacket. Two additional people plus I think Ms Marvel is sticking around because Scarlet Witch is still planning to take some ‘me time.’

Falcon actually suggests Hawkeye because he thinks it might ease the bad blood between Hawkeye and himself which-

Look, Falcon. I appreciate that you’re a nice guy who would think of Hawkeye when this opportunity came up. But the ‘bad blood’ is entirely on Hawkeye’s shoulders.

He’s blaming you for a thing you didn’t want to do but were emotionally blackmailed into by Cap to fulfill restrictions set up by Agent Gyrich. But Hawkeye took the brunt of his anger out on you, the Falcon.

Fuck ‘im is what I say.

Not that it matters. The contact number that Hawkeye left with the Avengers is out of service now that Hawkeye has a better gig and better digs working at Cross Technological Enterprises.

Meanwhile, Janet calls Hank “Giant Ant-Man Yellowjacket” Pym and lets him know that he can rejoin the team as a full-time Avenger but he’s enjoying having time to do pure research.

Also some chemicals are boiling over and he doesn’t want to be the jackass that spills chemicals on himself and gains superpowers. Nope, he’s the jackass that tested chemicals on himself on purpose without doing any kind of other testing on living matter first.

But me calling back to Grey Gargoyle and also throwing my hands up in defeat at the lack of safety protocols in comic book science aside, Hank hangs up on Jan to go deal with some chemicals that are boiling over.

Janet van Dyne, aka the Wasp: “Hank! What do you -- Hank? Hello? Ooo, Henry Pym, you’re infuriating! Just wait’ll I get home! I’ll show you! Or worse, I won’t show you!

Given what I know is coming, her trying to get him to rejoin the team has a foreboding feel to it. Geez.

Its true what they say. Not all of wisdom brings joy.

Later, after Wasp has gotten out of her superhero outfit to put on a nightgown to make a phone call to Hank and then gotten back into her superhero outfit to have a house meeting, uh, there’s a kind of house meeting.

Captain America: “Terrific. When we can’t add Avengers, they’re running out of our ears. But when we can add Avengers, everyone’s busy. Makes sense.”

Hah. A common problem to many in different permutations.

Beast suggests re-inducting Wonder Man. And I’m surprised it took so long for someone to make the suggestion. He was very recently with the team and verbally regretting that he’d have to leave it soon.

I guess they didn’t want to add too many people all at once and they wanted to soothe Hawkeye’s crybaby feelings and also wanted to let Jan hang out with her husband during superhero stuff.

But after that fell through, I’m surprised someone didn’t go ‘oh hey Wonder Man’ before Beast did.

But then, they’re besties. And I hope the X-Men never takes Beast back. Only bad things happen to him there. Or happened by him. I don’t think Beast would have broken the space-time continuum just to be a petty dick if he stuck with the Avengers.

Anyway, as we’ve seen, Wonder Man is in Pittsburgh with Tony Stark so why not bop over and surprise him with the offer?

But Vision notes that not all of them would be able to make the trip, seeing that Scarlet Wanda has her bags packed for her vacation time.

Vision: “Are you certain you must leave, Wanda?”

Scarlet Witch: “Yes, Vision. There are things I have to sort out. Things I’ve got to settle... on my own. Please try to understand.”

Vision: “Your decision is perplexing, my wife, and very human. I do not understand -- but I do accept.”

Vison + Scarlet Witch: “I love you.” -kiss-

Aww.

Geez. I’m really angry at John Byrne all of a sudden for no reason. Huh. Weird.

MEANWHILE, Pittsburgh.

The steelworkers set up a memorial for Joseph Conroy.

Since there’s nothing left of anyone who falls into molten slag, its tradition that the last ingot poured from the steel someone died in is set up on the grounds as a kind of tombstone. Tombsteel. Non-grave marker.

But the steel mill owner Vince Paretta is quick to reassure prospective buyer Tony Stark that this doesn’t happen often, swearsies! This plant has an A-1 safety rating! He then drags Tony off to finalize negotiations.

As the workers and executives leave the yard, the sky fills with dark roiling clouds. The recently placed ingot begins to quake and smoke and finally

OH YEAH

A giant naked flame man bursts out from within it.

Obviously, this kind of pyrotechnic makes some noise and inside the office, Stark, Paretta, and Wonder Man have heard it and see the fire man heading towards them.

Wonder Man tells Paretta to get his security team scrambled while Wonder Man goes to slow the thing down. But he tells Tony to stay right where he is, in the soon to be abandoned office.

Which conveniently gives Tony the opening to change into his armor.

Outside, this monster gets named in the most logical way possible. Some random thing that someone shouts at it, yelling "H-holy Hannah! That thing looks like a living inferno!” and thus we will call this creature Inferno. As the caption box lampshades “The description fits.”

Wonder Man rushes forward to fight the shambling mass of man-shaped slag. He just runs right up and puts all his strength behind one mighty THRAM of a punch.

“But Inferno takes that punch, and -- almost politely -- returns it!”

FWOBOMM and also a SKABASH as Wonder Man smashes through a wall, headfirst.

Iron Man flies up from behind the creature and attempts to take it down with a blast of repulsor. But the creature shoots some of its own molten slag substance at the armored Avenger.

He’s protected from the heat by the refractory coating on the armor but the extra weight from the cooling slag throws off his balance and he SPUTCHs to the ground.

And now that both he and Iron Man have been made fools, Wonder Man concludes that this Inferno is big trouble. He decides to activate the emergency beacon he was given when he became a backup Avenger.

But as he does, Inferno ominously looms over him.

IN THE RECENT PAST AT AVENGERS MANSION.

Jarvis is happy that the loosened restrictions on the Avengers means that he is allowed to perform monitor duty now. That way the Avengers are free to do the Avengersy stuff.

Makes sense.

You don’t have CEOs personally manning call centers. You probably don’t need a superhero to watch a bunch of monitors.

But maybe we should and do.

Anyway.

Just as Jarvis has said all of that, the emergency beacon goes off. Shortly, Ms. Marvel reports to Captain America that Wonder Man has activated his top priority emergency beacon.

Captain America: “But what could possibly be in Pittsburgh that could threaten Wonder Man?”

He was knocked out by a stone man once. Hell, he was knocked out by Beast once. Lets not act like Wonder Man’s durability isn’t highly arbitrary.

But here’s an additional thing. The beacon was designed to keep pleeping until shut off at the mansion OR if the beacon itself is totally destroyed.

And Wonder Man’s signal just stopped.

DUN DUN DUN!

Next issue: Battleground: Pittsburgh!

This is a two-parter and we’re only half done so I’ll have more to say when we finish that other parter.

One thing though: if the Avengers were going to end up going to Pittsburgh because of Wonder Man’s emergency beacon then why set up the plot point that they were considering visiting him to offer him membership on the team?

One or the other would have sufficed, comic!

Either they go visit and coincidentally end up there just when he needs help with a living inferno or they decide to offer him membership when he gets back from his trip.

I don’t know why this bothered me enough to comment on but that’s the world we live in now.

Hey, follow @essential-avengers. Not only for great content like this but older. BUT ALSO: I just remembered that I’d promised to cover some alternate Avengers if I hit 20 followers and we’re at 13. Which is more than half of 20 by at least three. If we hit 20 followers you can ask that I look at one of these significant alternate Avengerses. You could even ask me to take a peep at the Mangaverse Avengers or United They Stand Avengers, you bastards.

[isaakbutler]

So apparently this was kind of a hot take for me and I have a lot to say about it.

He also spends an inordinate amount of time naked and in compromising adult situations. They didn't add that either. Some things like hyper abusive homes and self destruction are not family friendly so the MCU is definitely going to try and make it more socially consumable.

I too, however, dislike that they chose to make him fully hearing. That wasn't all that cool of them to erase his disability like that. It is a fundamental part of him that they should have left in.

And what is most important to recall is that Marvel has flat out said multiple occassions, The MCU is going to be different than the comics. This does not absolve them from erasing a character's disabilities such as deafness but they can and are allowed to make changes as they see fit. This includes making the choice to not have all kinds of abusive jackassery that might trigger people in the theater. It seems all the tumblerinas forget about things like this when they wanna whine about specific things they want to glamorize and romanticize.

Just because the Hawkeye comics glamorize Clint's issues by making them seem endearing doesn't mean they actually are. And let's not continue to glamorize depression, self destruction and attachment issues shall we? Because they are anything but endearing. And they are anything but fodder for entertainment. And so I am a-ok with them leaving that alone. As an adult survivor of childhood abuse I can say that I am glad I didn't have to watch anything like that in the movies. Natasha's flash back to her own abusive childhood was enough thank you very much.

But to say he shouldn't have a family at all cause oh trauma is shitty. It sends the total wrong message of "people who suffered abuse and have attachment issues shouldn't have families." Don't do that. It has been proven psychologically that people who have suffered childhood abuse and have attachment issues often benefit from having a good home life as adults. That, while it does not undo what happened to them, it helps some overcome their attachment issues and according to the studies on this, these folks become very devoted parents because they do not want to ever put their kids through what happened to them.

sometimes i remember that hawkeye is canonically deaf in the comics and the mcu erased his disability. that they ignored his abusive childhood and gave him a family - erasing his attachment issues. in the comics hes this self-destructive goofy disabled depressed guy who drinks coffee by the pot just to stay awake and is always covered head to toe in band-aids. sometimes i remember that the mcu erased everything about clint barton but the bow and arrow. and it ruins my whole day.

[atamascolily]

I've been catching up on the MCU films (well, let's be honest, most of them) in preparation for Spiderman: Homecoming, Black Panther and Avengers: Infinity War, all of which I am excited about after watching numerous tumblr gifs.  (Thanks, tumblr!) I was inspired by a Vox article ranking the films by quality, so I watched them out of order, which was actually quite interesting in a very meta way. I'd seen the original Iron Man, and some of my friends in college had filled me in on the intricate details of the Marvel universe back in the mid-2000s, so I had a pretty basic idea of the situation with HYDRA, SHIELD, Nick Fury, etc, etc, and could just jump right into the middle of the action without needing too much more context.

So here are my off the cuff thoughts:

Captain America: the Winter Soldier:

My favorite movie of all of them (so far, anyway) and the one I watched first - no regrets! Has everything I want in an MCU movie - great action sequence, a decent but not overwhelming number of characters, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson and Natasha Romanoff starring in their own movie, plus a gripping plot and great action sequences. Nick Fury proves he is a total badass, with Maria Hill not far behind. Also, I'll confess a soft spot because the movie is mostly set in DC, which I am more familiar with than New York. The Smithsonian scenes were ON POINT.

Oh, and I totally ship Romanogers after watching this film. Not sorry at all. I know the writers are actually trying to ship him with Sharon Carter, but I'm really not a fan. I mean, it's just a little creepy that she's Peggy's niece, and even though he didn't know that when they first met and flirted and got to know each other a bit - I still find that a bit too much Replacement Goldfish for me. While it's tragic that Peggy aged and Steve didn't and she doesn't really remember him, eventually Steve is going to have to move on. Sharon is a lot like Peggy, but so is Natasha - at least in terms of badass competence - and I love the working dynamic between Steve and Natasha - they know each other well, they trust each other, they have each other's backs, and I love their casual banter. Also, I'm a sucker for Contrasting Opposite pairings - and the morally ambiguous former Russian sleeper agent Black Widow with the honorable, square Captain America is full of it.

The deep irony is that Black Widow is canonically with Hawkeye and the Winter Soldier in the comics, neither of which is ever even remotely hinted at in these movies. But that's okay because I really don't ship those pairings! Yay, movie continuity... because let's face it, sometimes the comics are really weird.

Major thing I would change: NO MORE MALE GAZE SHOTS OF NATASHA, OKAY?

The Avengers:

Surprisingly, not a huge fan, despite rave reviews from Vox and others. I can't even put my finger on what it is, exactly, but things just feel "off" to me here. Maybe it's the Joss Whedon touch? Because that scene with a shoeless Natasha taking out Russian mobsters while tied to a chair really just screamed Joss Whedon to me. Although I did enjoy the look on Phil Coulson's face when she puts him on "hold".

Also, Phil Coulson was a badass and I'm sorry they killed him off (though apparently Nick Fury brings him back to life in the TV series because Nick Fury doesn't believe in death? It's the sort of thing Nick Fury would do.) Nick Fury and Maria Hill continue to be badasses. Surprisingly, I find Loki somewhat tedious and Thor charming when I really expected it to be the other way around. I enjoy watching Bruce and Tony exchange science banter, but I'm really not into the Hulk. And while Tony Stark continues to be the king of sarcastic wit - to the point where I refer to him as "Tony Snark" - and I'm normally a big fan of that (and I enjoyed the original Iron Man when it originally came out), I'm somehow no longer interested in watching the antics of an egoistic billionaire playboy who makes crazy science weapons and then is surprised when bad people use them, especially compared to Captain America.

I do like the Chitauri giant fish weapons and how organic they are but Thanos and the rest of the Chitauri stuff just feels over the top.

I did love the post-credits scene at the Shawarma joint, though; definitely more than Tony's post-battle shawarma ravings in the film proper.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Probably could have skipped this one, but I enjoyed learning more about Captain America's backstory, even if it wasn't really necessary. Peggy Carter is such a badass, and it really make the events of The Winter Soldier all the more tragic when you watch Steve with Peggy and Bucky, and learn that SHIELD has been infiltrated by HYDRA from the get-go. Also, I thought I was going to hate Howard Stark because his son is frequently a jerk, but he was surprisingly endearing. Red Skull is kinda annoying, and having Captain America stuck in the cryofreeze unit.... wasn't really explained.... but I did love the awakening scene in New York at the end. Nick Fury continues to be a badass.  

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Still didn't like this as much as a lot of people seem to (probably the Joss Whedon thing?) - while lots of individual pieces were good, the movie felt weird as a whole thing. Watching Steve and the Avengers take on a European HYDRA base was an interesting callback to the 1940s with Steve and the Howling Commandos - probably the happiest time we see with Steve in the post-SHIELD era, honestly, and right before it all goes to hell. Tony Stark's "yay" as he opened the secret door was fun, although I don't think Wanda (I feel weird calling her "Scarlet Witch") could have snuck up on him and kick-started the plot if he hadn't taken off his suit for no obvious reason.

I hate Tony's decorating skills - all the modern uncomfortable furniture and clear glass - and fancy dress parties full of rich people. Loved the drinking and banter about Mjollnir and Thor's reaction to Captain America being able to move it just a bit. Glad all of Cap's surviving friends from the 1940s showed up, though - warms my heart.  

NOT a fan of the plot shipping Natasha and Bruce together. I like them individually, hate them together. But I was really happy to see Hawkeye has a family and a real life outside of the Avengers he never told anyone about - and his family knows about what he does and supports him. Hawkeye gets a lot of crap from people both in and out of the films, but I think he's one of the more stable and balanced characters, and frankly, by my standards, one of the most successful and happiest ones. Go Hawkeye! You've got your priorities straight.

My favorite action moment is Black Widow using Captain America's shield for a minute in the Seoul action scenes before tossing it back to Captain America, hands down. Why doesn't this sort of double-teaming happen more often?

Also, I like how Thor just decides to leave to follow a vision, is bad at fitting in with the human world, and does his own thing in bringing Vision to life, AND at the end going off to figure out the whole Infinity Stone business. I'm still confused by all the Asgardian references, but not sure I really want to watch the Thor movies to figure it out, so I rely mostly on my knowledge of Norse mythology, which actually gets you most of the way there.

I love Hawkeye and Wanda's relationship - it confirms my feeling that Hawkeye is a mature adult. Also, I enjoy the way that Vision just casually swings Thor's hammer... and everyone is suprised and then decides not to wonder about his ultimate allegiance... and a delighted Thor has someone to discuss his hammer with.... and Vision is just a few notes shy of Uncanny Valley territory (and could be downright creepy if he didn't have JARVIS's voice).

Best part of the movie for me is the end scene at the new Avengers headquarters - thankfully they've moved out of New York! - with Steve and Natasha training the new crew of Avengers, because shipping.  

Captain America: Civil War:

Liked it much better than both the Avengers movies, probably because Joss Whedon wasn't involved. Despite the Sharon/Steve kiss, there's nothing in here canonically that messes with my preferred Romanogers pairing in the long run. I like how Natasha tries to talk sense into both of them (though she fails, which is really not her fault). Too bad Peggy Carter dies and isn't able to talk sense into Tony and Steve and get the government off their backs because you know she would have if she could have. Also, Black Panther and the Wakandans are awesome, T'Challa does the mature adult thing at the end, and watching Peter Parker geek out with Tony Stark makes me like Tony so much better than I previously have, despite the fact that I think he acts like an idiot even though I agree with most of his basic points in the film.

Great action sequences, throughout the film, especially the Berlin chase sequence and the airport battle. Not so into Iron Man vs. Captain America, honestly. Watching Wanda grow is great; Hawkeye gets some great lines and actions; the ending is bittersweet but hopeful. Apparently, Tony broke up with Pepper, which makes everybody sad except for me, who was kind of "meh" about the pairing anyway. Watching Tony flirt with May was hilarious although I don't ship it - just shows Tony's still got a bit of the playboy in him (or maybe that was just a ruse so he could talk to Peter alone? Either way, funny).

Really sad about War Machine, though... glad he survived. Love Falcon and Redwing, watching the opening scene in "Lagos" (really, it was filmed in Georgia). Also glad the whole "Winter Soldiers" business turned out to be a red herring and the real plot was actually something else. Though it breaks my heart that Howard Stark recognized Bucky and calls him out by name.... only to die at Bucky's hands a moment later. So tragic. I didn't catch the name of the villain, but apparently, his name was Zemo - doesn't really matter, his plan was brilliant. Also not clear: who filmed that footage of Bucky murdering the Starks and why?

I think Vision may have a point about the number of enhanced humans increasing the possibility of catastrophe. Though, to be fair, Loki probably would have conquered the earth unchecked if the Avengers hadn't been there, and that just opened the doors for more weird shit to keep occurring. Though Vision may not know about all of the crazy HYDRA plots that went down PRIOR to Tony Stark becoming Iron Man when he made that comment.... or does he? Hard to know what Vision does and doesn't know.  

Mixed feelings on Martin Freeman as Everett Ross - maybe he'll be better in Black Panther, but in this movie, I can't really figure out what his deal is (and didn't catch his name until reading the wiki afterwards). On the other hand, Benedict Cumberbatch is in the MCU universe as Dr. Strange, which means at some point they'll probably have an in-universe meeting, which pleases me on some deep level since I enjoyed their dynamic together in Sherlock.

Also, the Avengers headquarters is actually the Porsche headquarters in Georgia and I cannot take it seriously now that I know this.

Other movies:

-Probably not going to watch the first two Thor movies, might be persuaded to watch Ragnarok depending on fan reactions and the overall quality of tumblr gifs. Since tumblr gifs are what inspired me to watch the mcu films in the first place, it seems only appropriate. Likewise with Ant-Man and the Wasp and Captain Marvel.   - I'm probably not going to watch Ant-Man or The Incredible Hulk either. I'll probably watch the scenes with Black Widow/Natasha in Iron Man 2 and skip the rest of the movie. Likewise, going to skip Iron Man 3 because Tony Stark is only bearable if he has someone to counter him, and I'm pretty sure that's not the case in that movie. -On the fence about Doctor Strange - probably will watch it, but it's not a high priority right now. -Guardians of the Galaxy - these are supposed to be good, and will probably be helpful context for Infinity Wars, BUT Chris Pratt is not my favorite actors and I'm not really interested in the side characters enough for it to be worth it. (I did enjoy Jurassic World, but I was in it way more for the dinosaurs, although his raptor training / racing raptors on motorcycles through a jungle was just crazy enough to be awesome - and also since it was on the DVD cover, I knew exactly what I was signing up for. I HATE how that movie treats Claire, and the inevitable romance between her and Chris Pratt's character... so I'll say I enjoyed Jurassic World in spite of Chris Pratt and not because of him. Don't hate the dude, just not interested in his movies or the style of humor that seems to run through the Guardians movies.) If I find their appearances in Infinity Wars to be good, I'll consider watching them.

Predictions for Infinity Wars:

-Cliffhanger ending to Part One, with all/most of main characters dead/dying as in Tony's vision back in Age of Ultron. -Vision gets the yellow infinity stone ripped out of his head and dies, at least until they can figure out how to bring him back to life -Iron Man's heroic sacrifice, since apparently Robert Downey Jr is getting tired of playing Tony Stark in these movies and is looking for a way out. Someone else will take over the suit eventually, though.

I think Steve Rogers might die, too, but I'm really not happy about this. Gamora, Peter Parker and many of the next Gen Avengers will probably survive, since Marvel will want to make more movies after all this is over. I think Black Panther will be one of them.

I'm secretly hoping that we get a reference at the beginning of Infinity War that Natasha was helping Steve bust into the Rift and get everybody out. Because that's exactly the sort of thing they'd do together. There's so much going on in Infinity War, though, and so many characters, I'd understand if it wasn't included. But it would be a nice nod if they did.