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nexadarling · 1 month

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Trigun Explicit Recs!

So it turns out there are too many good fics in this fandom and I maxed out the amount of links allowed in a single post (it's 100 btw) so I decided to split the E rated stuff from everything else, cause it makes sense to me.

I offer you my list of smut! Most of which will also give you so many emotions cause what is Vashwood with out self-loathing and biblical references. I tried to tag all the authors who have tumblrs, but if I missed someone pls tag them/let me know!

Any fic that features "+" after the word count is on-going/uncompleted. As they finish, I will add the final word count.

Check the tags yall!!!

(Non-explicit rec page)

so i'll sing to the grave (put you back together) by desertblooms - 18k; Vashwood; E; Canon-verse; Wolfwood doesn't feel worthy to touch Vash, so Vash shows him that's not true

la petite mort by @babeyxiao-art and expertfool - 3k; Vashwood; E; Trimax; look this is just straight smut involving a gun. If you're not into that i would highly advise you do not read this. If you are tho..... it did something to my brain chemistry for sure

Trillium and Ivy by @shastafirecracker - 80k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Funeral Director Wolfwood; Garden Center Vash; Wolfwood works at a funeral home across from the garden center, and notices the cute co-owner; this one is a personal favorite it makes me feel insane if I think about it too long

you'll never get enough by tagteamme ( @phaltu) - 19k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Boxer/Gym; Wolfwood owns a gym that is under Nai's thumb, Vash is a regular at the gym and should be off limits; I have read this at least twice and it occasionally haunts my dreams

Within Us An Orchard by plumtoad - 13k; Vashwood; E; Vash is a sad plant boi, so Wolfwood cheers him up feat. fruit

Amarillo Sky by just_a_lil_shipmate - 15k; Vashwood; E; Cowboy/Angel AU; Vash makes Wolfwood realize maybe he's not better off alone

i’m here in search of your glory (there’s been a million before me) by @sascake - 22k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it feat. Wolfwood's entire orphanage

Your Beauty Never, Ever Scared Me by Sacramental_Wine - 5k; Vashwood; E; Wolf shifter!Wolfwood (if you've ever seen Wolf's Rain it's like that); Vash helps an injured wolf, the next morning a man shows up at his door

if you were church (I’d get on my knees) by iokanaan - 18k; Vashwood; E; T4T; Actual Priest Wolfwood, feat. trimax Vashwood as guardian angels (I have no excuse for this one but it goes really hard)

someone to last your whole life by catchatter ( @needlab7) - 73k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it, with deep attention to the realities of mourning and what it means to have mourned someone who is no longer dead; genuinely one of the most beautiful things I have ever read

to control against the pull by catchatter ( @needlab7) - 13k; Vashwood; E; A/B/O; "Wolfwood tries to help out the bro and gets consumed with The Longing"; It is my personal mission to make everyone read this. Please, even if you don't like omegaverse just give it a chance I am begging you

CAUSE OF DEATH (See instructions and examples) by neatrogenous ( @floofyfluff) - 39k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it, but Vash runs faster than the Flash from every single Emotion he's ever had (body horror cw for the first chapter)

Gun Barrel Red Hot by varelsen ( @cloudstrifing) - 17k; Vashwood; E; plant heat plant heat plant heat plant hea-

Strange Powers by @tenshinokorin - 5k; Vashwood; E; they accidentally get high and fuck about it; I laughed my ass off reading this, pls, it's so good

when your stitch comes loose by @starkillling - 4k; Vashwood; E; Vashwood's relationship with Vash's wings

End Racism in the OTW | a kind heart to haunt by littleghost ( @ghostlandtoo) - 20k; Vashwood; E; Cowboy/Western AU; Wolfwood is an outlaw, Vash left that life a long time ago and doesn't want to get wrapped up in it again

you tear down my reason by halfdemonvash - 8k; Vashwood; E; .... trimaxVashwood/stampedeVashwood; yeah it's selfcest, i'm not sorry about it, it's so fucking good

Bind Your Faith in Scars and Tape by just_a_lil_shipmate - 8k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - College; Vash pines after Wolfwood, and then properly falls for him when they're forced to spend time in the university greenhouse regularly; Meryl is my favorite

blood in the badlands by eviscerates - 34k; Vashwood; E; Vampire Vash/Vampire Hunter Wolfwood on NML; the Eye of Michael is a hunter group, Wolfwood is not supposed to have feelings for Vash

the sun is warm (i miss your smile) by mor (mornin) ( @bakubaji) - 12k; Vashwood; E; also Vamp Vash/Vamp Hunter Wolfwood but this time modern AU, and Wolfwood is independent instead of with EoM

you're a canary (i'm a coal mine) by PotatoButt ( @rubyredgh0st) - 32k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Zoo keeper Vash; Orphanage Worker Wolfwood; Wolfwood brings his kids to see the tomas show, but sometimes he comes alone to watch the cute handler; Brad is so protective here I love him actually

The Lighthouse by EloFromMars - 51k; Vashwood; E; Lighthouse guy Wolfwood; Eldritch Horror Vash; legitimate lovecraftian level eldritch horror but like.... Vash is still a baby girl and Wolfwood is still into it; honorary mention for Kuroneko

try my hardest (if you ask me to) by nbagenda - 15k; Vashwood; E; the team stays at Ship 3, and Wolfwood has Feelings about everything being so clean (and so much gay panic about Vash); this one uses he/they interchangeably for Vash which I really really love

water supply by outdoorcats - 9k; Vashwood; E; they get wine drunk and get like emotionally horny

perfect world by outdoorcats - 8k; Vashwood; E; sequel to above fic; less drunk but more (beautifully) emotional; "What if we ran away and got married" vibes

today, and all of the days by @pushclouds - 24k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vash owns a donut shop, Wolfwood owns a smoke shop/bar; Vash doesn't realize they're definitely dating

My Body's Moving Into Retrograde by Sacramental_Wine - 3k; Vashwood; E; Wolfwood makes Vash want something for himself for once

dance in our catastrophe by @pushclouds - 28k; Vashwood; E; Post-Trimax fix it; Wolfwood and Vash are stuck in a safe house together, what could possibly go wrong?!; Wolfwood's inner monologue in this is so delightful and sad

welcome to the beautiful place by @pinklicour - 7k; Vashwood; E; Vash watches Wolfwood interact with a kid for too long and has Feelings about it, turns out Wolfwood feels the same

i think that we should go and get you out of here by molotovhappyhour - 39k; Vashwood; E; Exorcist Wolfwood AU; Wolfwood travels to July to help rid them of a haunting that's taken root there for years, Vash is, of course, at the center of it

I'd Get Rid of the Sun in Favor of the Moonshine by FlowerFed - 22k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Coffeeshop/Cafe; Milly asks Vash to vouch for her ex so he can get a job at the same cafe as him, Vash meets a handsome stranger at the beach; surely there is no connection between these events...

Trial and error by Anonymous - 10k; Vashwood; E; Vash has freaky plant parts and is pretty sure he can't orgasm, but he's happy to be with Wolfwood however he wants! Wolfwood is determined to prove Vash wrong; Literally cannot get enough of unconventional, incompatible plant stuff for Vash, so this was very fun

Saturdays at 6 p.m. by maginot - 42k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vash reaches out to professional Dom Wolfwood to ask if he's taking on new subs. Wolfwood realizes he's fucked as soon as Vash walks through his front door; Okay yes this is kinky in the sense that it is an actual, structured BDSM relationship, but it's actually not the kinkiest thing on here??? It is absolutely delightfully spicy and sweet though. And watching Wolfwood fall apart about actually falling for Vash is so fucking GOOD; also vash's pain kink has me on the fucking floor dear god

when I picture you by @pinklicour - 5k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - College; This is just a silly little fic about Vashwood hooking up, but Wolfwood's pining is so precious and I've reread the scene where they actually become a couple several times cause it makes me so happy

a tide of tender mercies by @gloriousporpoise - 23k; Vashwood; E; Wolfwood and Vash are on the run after July, chasing bounties; Wolfwood finds himself in a bad way without his serum and gets taken care of (ha, take that, WW!); I'm a sucker for Wolfwood pining hoplessly after Vash and this is just the perfect mix of pining and his snark

sugar rush by corvidcaper ( @not-miss-marple) - 42k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vash owns a candy shop; Friends with benefits to lovers; Everyone knows their dating except the two of them, and goddamn does Wolfwood try to keep it casual; Spoiler, it is anything but casual lol

At the Top of the World by Insomniac_with_dreams - 35k; Vashwood; E; Cowboy AU; Wolfwood follows a help-wanted ad and finds himself at the Saverem ranch for the summer. He gets... more than he bargained for; God above please read this it's so beautiful and heartfelt and wonderful and they love each other so much fuck

four suns by Joelene - 31k; Vashwood; E; Trimax Vashwood and Tristamp Vashwood meet in the middle of the desert!!; This is genuinely very cute as well as hot, I reread this immediately after finishing it lol Trimax Vashwood being competitive and then getting lost in themselves is so precious; Wolfwood begging will always be my downfall; They all fuck, but they don't fuck each other. Like each version Vashwood stays together. They do all make out with their own alternative versions, so do with that what you will I guess

Strawberries & Cigarettes by Umbr_el_on - 71k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Tattoo shop/Flower shop; "No, seriously, Livio, it's just casual, it doesn't mean anything, stop"; several days later: *calls Livio crying about how much Vash makes him feel*; and that's it that's the fic; I like that they're both broken and fucked up here, and they make mistakes and piss each other off, but they continue to choose to try together. It just makes me really happy. They aren't perfect but they're perfect together

Daylily by @needlesknives (bakusboi) - 10k+; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Tattoo shop; Vash comes to Wolfwood wanting to get his scarring covered with tattoos, Wolfwood realizes this project entails a lot more than he anticipated. In several ways

Ascension Day by farseersfool ( @birdadjacent) - 26k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU (but still Plant powers); Wolfwood is a hitman hired by Nai to protect Vash. Surely keeping his mark as close as physically possible is only the logical thing to do. Right? Right.

Holding My Breath by @nekotachis - 9k; Vashwood; E; Canon-verse; Vash tells Wolfwood he's never been on a date, so Wolfwood takes him on one. Feelings are definitely not had during said date

sun comin' up by amaiyo - 23k; Vashwood; E; Mermaid AU; Modern AU; Wolfwood is a priest assigned to a tiny island, and sometimes he stands on the pier at night to listen to the strange songs on the ocean wind

you'll leave me lonely at best by @procrastinating-bookworm - 3k; Vashwood; E; Post-Badlands Rumble; You know the fucking drill, it's time for some widow Wolfwood reunion sex; God I love the way this fandom explores the hell Wolfwood went through before Vash pops back up like "Jk guys, I'm not dead!"

Long Goodbyes by ChenamaReel - 17k; Vashwood; E; Trimax; After the Arc and before the orphanage, Vash and Wolfwood talk about the what-ifs of the future. With the knowledge of their respective missions, their normal flirting banter turns to something more real

song of solomon 4:7 by ellisisntreal - 68k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Trans Vash; A cute new neighbor moves in across from Wolfwood, one who he quickly realizes is the hottest DILF ever and exactly his type; listen. LISTEN! This is so good, Vash's kid is 13, so he's old enough to be funny and snarky, Vash and Wolfwood's banter is amazing, and scenes with all three of them (and eventually Livio) are actually so funny I was wheezing. Idk how you write dialog so real and hilarious, but I had a grand fucking time

I know I'm gonna die of this by @orcelito - 13k; Vashwood; E; T4T; Vash doesn't like to be touched during sex. He does, however, desperately want to fuck Wolfwood. Wolfwood shows him exactly how much he appreciates it; THE Strap Fic; the fact that this is part of a series based on Nothing But Thieves' song Impossible has me incredibly fucked up; Nico, darling, thank you for writing this, it was delightful

Nothing Left to Hide by GGumdrops - 7k; Vashwood; E; Wing fic wing fic wing fic; Vash is clearly uncomfortable but doesn't want to tell Wolfwood why. When he finally convinces Vash to show him, he preens his wings for him

geoplant medicinals by @avoidingavoidance - 11k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Wolfwood accidentally gets soooo fucking high. Vash joins him and they have some frankly awesome sex; Wolfwood spends this whole fic being sickeningly in love with his boyfriend and thinking about how pretty Vash is and I love it

with the same sweet shock of when Adam first came by feelingfoxylmao - 12k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU- BDSM Scene; Wolfwood fucks up at the BDSM club and Vash (consensually and pre-scripted) teaches him his lesson; Dom Vash, Sub Wolfwood, Vash makes Wolfwood bark, what more could I possibly say to make you want to read this??? It's wonderful; slight secondhand embarrassment warning for the beginning where Wolfwood fucks up, but it's worth getting through, trust me

like the holding of hands (like the breaking of glass) by @flowercitti - 10k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Vash wakes up after the sandsteamer and faces Wolfwood's full knowledge of his inhumanness; (spoilers WW still thinks Vash is beautiful)

Little Pieces of the Nothing that Fall by starkstateofmind - 5k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; it rains and Vash manic pixie dream girls himself into bed with Wolfwood; i kinda stared at a wall for a little after reading this, it's really beautiful I might also be a manic pixie dream girl

Sing Pretty Melodies on the Motel Bed by @amphetamine-keen - 5k; Vashwood; E; Trimax vibes; Wolfwood convinces Vash to try a vaginal plug; this is just smut but I did read it at least twice. idk what that says about me, but it does say that it's a good fic

Wildflowers by @shastafirecracker - 103k; Vashwood; E; Dark Fantasy AU; cottagecore; Trans Wolfwood; Wolfwood is sent to kill the Beast Lord of the forest and gets far more than he bargained for; dear fucking God please read this holy shit I cannot overstate how good the world building is

in the woods somewhere by halfdemonvash - 42k; Vashwood; E; Fantasy AU; cottagecore; Vash finds Wolfwood injured in his forest and takes him to his home to nurse him back to health. Wolfwood... kinda really loves it. Even if he wasn't entirely there on accident

waking up in vegas by kae_karo - 17k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; They wake up married to each other in Vegas after a night they barely remember. They try to track down the chapel they got married in, but kinda don't wanna undo it by the end of the day

laughter lines by @beesinspades - 21k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Ace Vash; Grey Ace Wolfwood; Knives sends Wolfwood to bring Vash back to him. Vash doesn't want to go. Wolfwood kind of doesn't want to make him; crying go read this i love it so much all of Bee's stuff brings me such joy

Pillow Talk by fantasy_stupid - 47k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Nai sends Wolfwood to secretly trail Vash and make sure he's safe while Nai is gone. Vash clocks him immediately and they try to make the best of it; bodyguard Wolfwood you have my heart and soul

Citronella by @canyondotcom - 58k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Vampire AU; Creature Vash; Woodworker Wolfwood; Wolfwood wakes up in the middle of the night to something--no, someone on his porch. Against his better judgement, he lets them in... Things get... Interesting; Uuggggghhhhh God this is so good I love creature Vash and the vampire lore is so unique and non-traditional I love it so much

take my breaking heart (and tear it all apart) by johnnyfucksup - 12k; Vashwood; E; Wolfwood tries not to let himself want. Enter Vash, who ruins those plans

just a holy fool by @avoidingavoidance - 19k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Wolfwood is so upset about how much of a soft spot he has for Vash and Vash somehow makes it worse all the time always; sure Wolfwood, we all believe that you're annoyed with Vash and not stupidly in love with him

A Step By Step Guide to Love and Peace, Written by Vash Saverem (Co-Authored by Friends, Family, and Nicholas D. Wolfwood) by calandos - 71k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Fleabag; Trans Vash; Priest Wolfwood; It's fucking.... it's a fleabag AU idk how much harder I call sell this I clicked immediately when I saw the tag; yeah, it has the confession scene; this made me want to cry. I may have actually cried; god I relate to Vash so much

Late Night Confessional by ValiantRose ( @sleepyartcryptid) - 12k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU I think?; Trans Wolfwood; Priest Wolfwood; Vash comes to confess his sins... the fic then earns it's place on the explicit rec list

giving in to your fever touch by honeyseeking - 46k; Vashwood; E; Trimax/98; Wolfwood finds Vash as Eriks and gives him three days to make up his mind; *violently shaking this fic* it's so full of emotions

I'm not a Psycho (I'm Just Trying to Get Laid) by @inkfishie - 34k; Vashwood; E; Tristamp; Various times Vash and Wolfwood have... encounters. Feat. Vash's emotions and awkwardness; this is so cuteeee

in love with my own sins by spicecandy ( @gaycowboyjesus) - 15k; Vashwood, Vash/Vash, Wolfwood/Wolfwood; E; Trimax VW meet Tristamp VW; listen the everything between everyone is so good but the romantic tension between Tristamp VW is so cute

Give Me Mercy No More. by hollyleighannee ( @wytchsbrew) - 14k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Bodyguard Wolfwood; During a sandstorm, Vash spends a special night with his secret boyfriend; OH MAN OH GOD WOW; first of all this Wolfwood... I gotta go sit down for a second, damn; the sex is hot, but the emotions are hotter Wolfwood is so careful to give Vash everything he wants and cares so much they are both so in love; Holly your fics give me so much joy, I'm so sorry for decimating your notifications

a softer world by Harubo ( @helloharubo) - 2k; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Painter Vash; Doctor Wolfwood; Reincarnation vibes; Wolfwood has regular dreams of Vash where he's covered in scars and full of a deep, aching sadness. When he wakes up, he needs his husband to reassure him he's still in one piece

Where The Delicate Stops (Show Me) by @nexadarling - 10k; Vashwood; E; Trimax; Creature Vash; Predator/Prey; Wolfwood sets off Vash's competitive nature and gets chased through the woods. He likes it more than expected; shameless self-plug, I'm just real proud of this one

save a horse by ofxanadu - 37k+; Vashwood; E; Western AU; Trans Vash; Wolfwood saves Vash from getting mugged by the Badlands Gang and has a night so memorable he's hung up on it for almost a year when Vash shows up again; i cannot even put into words my thoughts on this fic I'm just making feral sounds about how much I love it

la vache! by @skittidyne - 28k+; Vashwood; E; Modern AU - Sex Work; Sex Worker Vash; Trans Vash; Wolfwood needs to learn French very quickly since he promised Livio he would. He finds his solution in Vash's... unique way of teaching (it might involve dildos); I'm rabid over the fact there are not more chapters of this

honeysuckle red by @beelzebby666 - 43k+; Vashwood; E; Modern AU; Line Cook Wolfwood (yes it's important shut up); A one night stand turns into Wolfwood spending so much time with Vash and his fucking garden (why does he like bees so much I love him????); Wolfwood just wants to be kept. He just wants to be kept!!!

If you know me no you don't!

Come tell me your opinions about all of these my DMs are open I promise

#trigun #vash the stampede #wolfwood #vash #trigun stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun maximum #trimax #vashwood #fanfic #AUs #Trans Vash #Trans Wolfwood #T4T vashwood

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kookslastbutton · 1 year

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Too Late To Dream ༓ jjk (m) I Ch. VIII (final)

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 8,618

Warnings: 8-year age gap, mentions of professor-student relationship (oc was a Masters student), first kiss, painting date, taehyung makes oc a busi proposal, jk goes back to teaching at uni, cute note, therapy with therapist!hoseok, talk of absent parents, insecurities, fear of fatherhood, jk working through personal struggles and gets clarity, jk being good hubby to oc, sexual content

sexually explicit warnings: switch!jungkook, switch!reader, f*ngering, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex (be safe everyone!), cussing d*rty talk, penetration, b**b sucking, biting, multiple org*sms, m*ssionary;legs on shoulder, body worshipping, praise kink, impreg kink, slight lactation kink, making out in the kitchen, suggestive morning shower s*x, Kook just wanna please oc really 🥺

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: This is now the most I have ever written....ngl the therapy section will be DENSE( but i tried not to make it TOO long) 😪 anyway, we have come to the end folks 😭 thank you to all of you who have stayed with me through this whole series. It's close to my heart and always will be. I'm happy to be able to share this with you all 💞

<< ch. VII ༓┃series masterlist

Kissing you is his favorite pastime. On the lips, on your cheeks, neck–everywhere and anywhere you'll let him. He loves how squeamish it makes you. Out of all the times Jungkook's kissed you, his favorite will always be the first time in that tiny art studio of yours at your old apartment.

You didn't have much living space but you made do with what you had. And what you had was one extra room near the laundry machines.

He'll always remember how gentle your lips were against his that night. Warm as well, yet reserved. You made his whole body come to life in the most unexplainable ways.

4 years ago–

Jungkook slouches on the stool with a pout on his face and a paintbrush spinning between his fingers. This is the third time he's called you over in the last ten minutes. You've told him repeatedly that painting takes patience but it doesn't seem to make him feel any better about his artwork.

"Can you come look at this __? I don't think this is coming out the way it's supposed to be."

"Here," you set your drawing pencils on your own art desk and circle around to him, "let me see."

Jungkook scootches his stool to the side, allowing you to peer over his shoulder.

"To start, you’re using too much water if your paper is peeling and curling this much. I'd give it a few minutes before doing anything more on it. Secondly, you have water bubbles."

You reach for the blue painting sponge next to him and hold it up as if showcasing it off.

"This is going to be your best friend. It absorbs liquid so if you gently dab areas with excess water, it'll take all that water away." You demonstrate for him then hand the sponge to him. "Give it a try."

"Okay…" He takes it from you and mirrors your movements. "Isn't this called watercolor painting though? How can I be using too much water?"

You shrug. "Because it's like anything. You need to find the right balance between the paint and water or else it'll make your strokes messy. Control the need to soak your brush."

"But I like soaking my brush," he says, tongue in cheek.

"I'm going to ignore that you said that."

"You said it first."

"Not like you meant it, I didn't."

Jungkook smiles and continues dabbing his painting.

"You're pressing a little too hard Kook. The paint's smudging," you warn as he attempts to clean up the extra water spillage.

"Hm?" He doesn't seem to understand what you mean.

"It's like this," you say, carefully closing a hand over his knuckles. Jungkook's hand goes limp in yours as you guide his movements across the water bubbles. "See, the water's gone now."

When you gaze down at him, he's not paying attention to the artwork at all but to you instead.

"Someone I'm hoping to call my girlfriend soon," he mumbles back and you release your hold from his hand.

"Jungkook?" He feels you tense under his stare, eyes restlessly shifting back and forth. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh, well, um—" your mind races with what to respond. Up until now, you’ve been seeing each other for a month but no labels have been placed on your relationship yet.

"I'd really like to know what it'd be like to kiss you too.” He sets the sponge on the table and slowly leans forward to rise from his seat.

Naturally, you step backward but forget about the second art table set up directly behind you. Your hands grip the edges at the sudden contact on your backside.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I don't mean to make you feel pressured." His fingers reach out to lightly rest on your trembling hands. “I’ve just been having the best time getting to know you this past month and I’d like it if we could keep going out…as a couple.”

“I’d like that too.” You swallow thickly. “I think you caught me off guard but yeah, let’s make this official. And also, if you want, we can—kiss."

"Are you sure?" He needs to know he heard right, careful not to jump the gun. “Really sure?”

"Yes. Please kiss me.”

With your consent, Jungkook grips your hands tighter and closes his mouth over your lips. They're sweet and taste a bit like peppermint from the candy you ate earlier. He moves slowly at first, tongue swiping across the seam of your lips every now and then until you let him in.

"Jung–" you breathe a small moan yet it's only when you break apart that you're able to finish saying his name. “–Kook.”

"I liked that," he says, a smile on his face. "Any chance we can do it again?"

You nod and lean forward to kiss him again. This time firmer, holding back nothing.

Present–

"Honey, you should go back to bed for a bit. Get some more sleep." You watch your husband button up his navy blue dress shirt in the mirror. Today's the day he has to return to the university for the new academic year and he needs to be out the door within the next ten minutes.

"I have to get used to you leaving before me," you yawn. "I'll miss you."

Jungkook runs his fingers through his damp hair, fluffing it up some before striding over to your lounged position on the bed.

"Me too. I'm going to be thinking of you all day." He bends down to peck your lips. When he does, you take in the scent of his aftershave–Old Spice. "I'll see you when we get home, okay?"

You nod. "You home at 4 tonight?"

"Plus traffic so 4:30 at the latest.”

"Okay, I should get home at 5:15. Mondays are a bit hectic so it might be later. I'll text you."

He gives you another kiss, longer than the last, and you moan lazily.

"Sounds good," he stands up straight and snatches his phone from the nightstand. "I need to head out now but I'll see you later. Love you!"

Jungkook opens your bedroom door and you shut your eyes to get more sleep before having to start the daily grind yourself.

With about thirty minutes to spare Jungkook rushes to his office with his leather satchel. He doesn't remember the room being as bare as it is when he tosses the door open–only his desk, PhD, and some books left on the shelf. He hasn't been here since the end of June so granted, I'd be pretty dead in the room.

But there's not even one photo of you.

That's going to be the first thing to change, he mentally

notes. Right now, however, he needs to prep for his lecture that’s in—he checks his watch—shit.

Twenty-eight minutes.

Jungkook shoves his satchel on the bulky mahogany desk and swivels into his office chair. "Damn," he curses and re-adjusts in his seat. "Since when was my chair this uncomfortable to sit in?'

He shakes it off and pulls out his notes. A tiny blue sticky note falls out as he sorts the mix.

'Deep breaths today Dr. Jeon ;)! It's your first day again and I know you're always so hard on yourself :( But your new students will love you I'm sure. So keep yourself in good spirits and remember I'm only a phone call away. I love you and I can't wait to hear about your day when you get home tonight! <3'

He reads the message again, then again, and one last time for good measure.

Jungkook sticks the note on the surface of his desk, next to his computer where he can view it easily. He then goes back to reviewing his notes for his lecture, feeling a giggle creep up his throat; he really fricken' loves you.

Well, his first class of the day was a complete disaster. The first twenty minutes consisted of him having to troubleshoot technical errors between his laptop and the projector. His students weren’t chipper either, preferring silence when he tried striking up a conversation. And the worst part? They didn’t laugh at his jokes! Like at all. Usually, he’d at least get one or two chuckles, even if they were merely out of politeness.

It was when he ended the class half an hour early that he earned a few brownie points. Thankfully he’s not a lecture on the first day kind of professor. Still, with any luck, the semester will get better and the remainder of his sections today will be smoother.

"Dr. Jeon," a low voice rumbles down the hallway as Jungkook returns to his office. He whips his head to his left to see Taehyung taking long strides towards him.

"Dr. Kim," Jungkook responds to the greeting. "What are you doing in the School of Business?"

"Just wanted to stop and say hi. I got a studio art class to teach soon but thought I'd check in with my favorite economist first.” Taehyung stuffs his hands in the pockets of his silk trousers and follows Jungkook into his office.

"My wife isn't here Tae," Jungkook teases.

“Isn’t it about time you drop that? Yes, we had a thing back in—"

"It wasn't a thing okay?" Jungkook is eager to correct. Being reminded that his wife and best friend used to hit it off a little too well back in the day makes him queasy. "It was you who kept being obsessed with her. Well, she's mine now. Understand?"

Taehyung laughs. "You need to chill Jungkook. I see the wedding ring loud and clear. Besides, I didn't come here for her alright?" He pauses and wets his lips. "Well actually…there is something I'd like to bring up to you that may involve her."

"Oh, what?" Jungkook's ears are on high alert. What could Taehyung possibly need from you?

"How often is __ painting these days?" Taehyung takes a seat in one of the spare chairs in the room.

"She doesn't have as much time these days due to work, but I know she's got a couple of art projects in the process."

"She's got a pretty big collection though, doesn’t she? Has she ever considered showcasing them off at galleries or selling to collectors?”

“Yeah, I’d say she has roughly eighty finished pieces between drawings and paintings. But she's tried the gallery route before and they've all rejected her work from being showcased. I don't think she wants to pursue it anymore. And as far as selling? Don't think so."

"Hmm." Taehyung taps his fingers on the armrest. "What if it were to be my art gallery? Over the summer I managed to form a minor partnership with that local gallery downtown. Remember, the one I displayed work at years ago when __ was in postgrad? Took a visit down there weeks ago and found out the owner is running low on funds. He's had my art displayed for a while now and I've always wanted to own a gallery. I've no shortage of assets either so I'm taking the plunge to keep it open.”

Jungkook quirks his head to the side with an open mouth and eyes wide as saucers. “You're really part owner of that gallery now? Wow, Tae. I always knew you were a free spirit but damn that's an investment."

"I guess, but hey now that you know. We're looking to expand our collection so how would your cute wife like to show her work? __ is a phenomenal artist and it’s a shame she hasn’t had the opportunity to have it publicly admired. I’d see that her work be approved immediately, of course."

“You're joking,” Jungkook sputters in disbelief. He can't speak for you but he's pretty darn sure you’re going to be absolutely tickled about this.

"I'm being completely serious. Talk to __ about it and see what she thinks." Taehyung checks the time on his phone and stands up from his chair. "Hate to cut this short but I got that class in ten. Let me know what she decides though."

"Yeah, I'll ask her. I—thank you Taehyung. I'm not sure what else to say."

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m happy to do this for her. For you both actually.” Taehyung leaves with a tight-lipped smile, a pep in his step.

Bzzz. Bzzz.

Hobi: Hey, sorry for the late reply. Had a couple of last-minute patients to see. I’m happy to hear from you though! If you want to come in for a session I have a slot free late Thursday evening. Other than that we may need to do it next week since I have a pretty full schedule this week.

Oh, that’s right. Jungkook reads over the text. He messaged Hoseok about possibly coming in for a therapy session last night. After telling you about both his apprehension and interest in starting a family, he thinks it is best to get some professional input. And what better person to ask than one of his long-time friends?

JK: I’d really like to meet before I get loaded with papers and tests to grade, if possible. How late on Thursday? I get out of work at 4.

Hobi: I understand. Can you come right after work? Sessions last around forty minutes to an hour.

JK: Sure, I don’t think I have anything to do after that. __ will still be at work. She knows I’m seeing you too, so it’s fine. I’ll see you at 4:15-ish. Your practice isn’t far from here last I remember.

Hobi: Yup, short drive. I’ll put you on the calendar for Thursday afternoon. I’m glad you reached out, Jungkook. I’ve been thinking about you and __ lately. Heard you babysat Yoongi’s twins.

JK: We did.

Hobi: And how was that?

JK: Not bad. I’ll tell you tomorrow though. I’m prepping for another class right now.

Hobi: Got it, I’ll let you go. I’ll see you on Thursday.

JK: Thanks, man!

Jungkook sends a thumbs-up emoji and sets the phone flat on his desk. Well, he sighs, looks like you got yourself an appointment with a shrink.

He doesn’t know what to expect. But what he does know is that he needs to go in with an open mindset. Previous conversations with Hoseok have led him to conclude that it matters what you put into it.

“Therapy isn’t an answer to all your problems,” he recalls Hoseok explain years ago. “Its purpose is to create a space for you to process struggles in your life; triggers even. The goal is for you to better understand the root of those triggers and to find new tools that help you navigate through them. Whenever you are posed with said challenge, you can be better equipped to confront them so you can come out stronger on the other side.”

Jungkook takes a swig of water from his water bottle. He thinks of you as he does–he’s doing this for both of you in hopes that something beautiful might come from it.

At 3:15 Jungkook has his last class. His afternoon students ended up being far more engaging than his morning students. They talked to him casually, asked good questions, and gosh darn it they laughed at his jokes too. They were a great bunch of kids, Jungkook hums. He’s looking forward to walking alongside them this semester.

Before calling it a day and leaving the university, Jungkook decides a brief stroll around campus would be nice. One, it gets fresh air in his lungs and two, he’d really like to stretch his legs before sitting back down in his car.

As he walks through the middle of campus, he smiles at the groups of students rushing with their book bags. It’s a good mix between undergrads and grads. Seeing all of them rush around takes him back to his days of late-night studying at the library and partying with friends on the weekends. He tried not to party too rough but well, he might have been a little too eager to finally be on his own the first year.

He dated around a little too. The chicks at his undergrad were cute and he went out with a few of them. His longest relationship lasted a year but she broke it off with him the last year–she married an architect a year and a half later. No matter though, Sana was a sweet girl and nothing drastic ever happened between them. Hearing that she was getting married made him more happy than sad because she deserved to be with someone great. Plus, if he stayed with her, he would never have met you.

Jungkook stops in his tracks when he spots two students from his 12:15 class standing behind a small outdoor table. They appear to be selling something he can’t quite make out due to the distance.

“Dr. Jeon!” The girl waves when she catches her professor looking in their direction.

Jungkook walks up to the table with a smile. “Mi-suk, Doyun,” he greets each individually. It’s at this point that he’s able to see a dozen frames of sea glass art spread across the table. “Did you guys make these?”

The pair nod in unison. “We went to the beach this summer and found a lot of glass so we decided to do something with it.” Doyun, Mi-suk’s boyfriend, holds up one of the framed pieces that are decorated with green and blue sea glass. “This one is about lovebirds. See the heart that connects them?”

The birds that he refers to are easily seen from the sea glass’s sharp edges and carefully selected clustering. The heart is also made out of sea glass and lays between both birds. It’s a simplistic yet meaningful design.

“We wanted the heart to be interpreted in all kinds of ways from love to new beginnings like–“

“A child.” Jungkook takes the words out of Mi-suk, in a low whisper. “How much?” He digs out his wallet from his back pocket.

“33000 won. ($25 USD).” Doyun responds. “Do you have a child on the way?” Mi-suk jabs her boyfriend in the side at this.

“You don’t have to tell us Dr. Jeon. We don’t want to be nosy.” She laughs it out but Jungkook shakes his head at her.

“It’s no big deal. I’m married but we don’t have a kid at the moment. My wife loves art and she loves sea glass so, I’d like to hang one of these in our home.” He hands over the cash and takes the artwork from Doyun.

“Thank you, Dr. Jeon,” Doyun remains polite and puts the money in the cash box.

“Do you have a picture of her?” Mi-suk asks to which her boyfriend says “Now who’s being nosy?”, earning him another jab to his side.

Jungkook pulls out a small, lightly crinkled photo of you from his wallet. “This is her.” He shows it to them with a proud expression–he enjoys showing you off every chance he gets.

“She’s so beautiful Dr. Jeon! You both look so good together wow.”

“She makes us look good together.” Jungkook chuckles and slides the photo back into his wallet.

“Aww, why don’t you ever say things like that?” Mi-suk turns to her boyfriend who only shrugs.

“Why do I have to be the one to say it? Why can’t you say it?” Doyun moves to fold his arms but Jungkook gives a grimace, hinting him not to follow through. “Sorry babe, I’ll do it more often.”

Young love, Jungkook thinks. “I have to get going now, making dinner before she gets home. But thanks for the sea glass art. I’ll see you both in class on Wednesday.” He waves goodbye and heads for his car.

“He makes dinner for her too…” Mi-suk watches as her professor leaves. “You’ve never made dinner for me.” She shifts her eyes to her boyfriend who’s too busy counting the money they’ve earned so far to see her distraught face.

“Where did you get that?” You point at the new art piece hanging from the wall with your chopsticks. “It’s lovely. Are those birds?”

“Yeah, they’re love birds. A couple of my students were selling seaglass art in the middle of campus. I thought one would look nice on our wall and you like this type of art right?” Your husband takes a bite of the roasted chicken he’s made.

“I do,” you say. “Thank you for bringing one home. How was your first day back at the university?”

“Fine, my morning class is struggling but I’m hoping the energy will pick up as the semester progresses. The afternoon class is good, they seem like a fun bunch. Looking forward to the year. What about you? How was work?”

“Oh, nothing much to tell. I had a meeting with one of our business partners. Went over a series of analytical reports with him, and made suggestions on what they could do to make better-informed business decisions.”

“Yeah? Did they sound like they’d take them?” You giggle when some of the sauce from the chicken smears the corner of his mouth. “What?” he looks at you for an answer.

“Wipe your mouth. There’s sauce all over it.” You hand him a napkin and he cleans himself off. “But back to your question, they seemed receptive to my advice. We’ll see what happens in the next three months though, time will tell if they listened or not.”

“Well,” he swallows down his bite before continuing. “If they have any sense they’ll follow your suggestions. Still, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”

You nod in agreement. “So, did anything else happen for you today? I really don’t have much else to share other than that. It was a fairly normal day.”

Jungkook sets his chopsticks on his plate and takes a drink of his beer. “There’s a few things I need to talk to you about. Oh, also,” he interrupts his own line of thought, “the note you left me was sweet. I have it on my desk by my computer.”

“I thought maybe you could use some encouragement on your first day so you’re welcome. What do you need to talk to me about?”

“First on the agenda is Taehyung. He stopped by my office and told me that he’s got a partnership with that gallery downtown. The one he displayed his work at years ago when you were in postgrad. Turns out the owner needs financial support so he’s decided to help them out as a part-owner.”

Jungkook sees that you’re just as surprised as he was when he first heard the news. “So he owns that gallery now? That man gets around well. You know that’s something about Taehyung, he’s a good networker. Never have to worry about if he knows someone or not.”

“It’s one of his strengths for sure. Taehyung’s asked me to ask you if you’d be interested in showcasing some of your artwork. He says they’re looking for more artists for their gallery and that he’d like to have your work displayed. What do you think?”

“I–what?” Getting to showcase your art has been one of your biggest dreams since a teenager. But after countless failed attempts to take your art beyond the studio, you’ve nearly given up hope that any galley would accept your pieces. “Are you shitting me Jungkook?”

“I know it’s shocking. Taehyung literally just dropped the bomb on me today and this is 100% real. If you want to get your art out there, Taehyung can pull the right strings to make that happen. Now that I think of it, he didn’t tell me when to get back to him. Probably will need to text him whenever you make your decision I guess.”

“I think I’d love to be able to do that. I don’t even know which ones to show though, I have so many to choose from.”

“I’m sure if you take a week to think it over you’ll be able to narrow down your options. And besides, this doesn’t have tp be the only set of paintings you show off. You can always switch them out from time to time. Taehyung will see that it happens.”

“Damn,” you say. “Kim Taehyung really has the whole world in the palm of his hand huh?” That man has more power in his little toe than all the world’s leaders combined.

“Taehyung is…one of a kind.” Jungkook leans his body forward, arms crossed on the dining table. “There’s a second topic I’d like to talk about too if it’s alright?”

“Shoot.”

“I have a therapy session with Hoseok on Thursday after work. I should be able to get back before 5 p.m. but we might want to order out for dinner that night.” There’s a trace of nervousness as he tells you so you reach out to sneak a hand into one of his.

“That’s fine, I can pick something up on my way home from work. I’m glad he was able to get you in this week.”

Jungkook flickers his eyes down at your hand in his, then back up to your face.“It probably goes without saying but I’m not sure what’ll come from this session. And even if it does go well, I can’t promise that we can start a baby right away. I mean maybe we can, I’m not saying we can’t but–”

“It’s okay Kookie,” you say gently. “This isn’t only about us having a baby or not you know? You’ve had a lot of challenges with your parents that I think Hoseok can help you talk through. I want you to be able to have clarity in those areas of your life too.”

“Thank you __. I love you so much.” He brings your hand to his lips and kisses it.

“I’m glad you wiped your mouth off before you did that,” you tease, playfully. Jungkook immediately lets go of your hand and gets up to walk to your side of the table.

“Come here smart ass,” he orders, grabbing your face to pepper several kisses on your cheeks.

Draining.

That’s the one word that comes to Jungkook’s mind if he were to sum up the rest of the week. He enjoys teaching at the university but four days in he’s already feeling the stress kinks in his neck.

“Mm.” Jungkook rolls his shoulders back to stretch the tense muscles–it’s a good thing he’s seeing Hoseok today. After getting a good stretch out, he puts his car key in the ignition and heads for the practice downtown.

"Come in, come in," Hoseok greets Jungkook with a beaming smile once he arrives at his office no short of ten minutes later. His room is on the smaller side but it has a harmonious energy with the way the sun peaks through the blinds. "How's your week been?"

Jungkook takes a seat in the large, cozy chair angled across Hoseok. He leans against the back lazily and lets out a long sigh. "It's alright, tiring, but it's to be expected. You?"

"Roughly the same.” Hoseok shuts the door and takes a seat in the chair diagonal to Jungkook. “I’ve had more patients this week than usual which has made me short on time lately. But I'm happy to make time for them."

"Thank you for seeing me this week. I was surprised when you said you could given how full your schedule gets.”

Hoseok waves his hand in dismissal. “Oh, of course, it’s no problem,” he reassures. “I had an opening so that’s why I offered. You and __ are also good friends of mind; I’m more than willing to meet with you today Jungkook. So…why don’t we get started? How was taking care of Yoongi’s rambunctious twins? You’ve taken care of them before right?”

At this, Jungkook sits straight up in his seat, his shoulders back and eyes directly trained on Hoseok. He appears stiff like the tin man from The Wizard of Oz. “Feel free to sit back,” Hoseok lightly suggests. “This isn’t a test or anything so you can relax and get comfortable if you’d like.”

“Okay.” Jungkook follows his friend’s suggestion and sinks into the back of the chair. His hands relax on his spread-out thighs. “So yeah, we’ve taken care of Yoongi’s girl before. Ari and Eun-ji have no shortage of attitude that’s for sure.” He chuckles, then continues. “They’re sweet though. I had this warm, positive energy throughout that whole night. Usually, I never have a strong feeling towards being around kids. It’s always been ‘ah they’re cute but not for me’ or ‘yes hyung, I’ll be fine to take them for a day’ but it wouldn’t go any further. I told __ about it and I think she’s holding onto hope that it means I’m changing my mind about kids.”

“And are you changing your mind? Sometimes those strong emotions will come at specific moments and they can give a false narrative. You and __ have been thinking about a baby recently which may influence these new feelings. But we have to be careful that they don’t blur what you actually want.” Hoseok pauses a second to let Jungkook maul over his words.

“It’s like this,” he continues. “You want to have a baby with her because you love her but last time we met, you said you weren’t sure if you could want it naturally for yourself. Now that you know what the other wants, and you’ve had a picture of what having kids may look like with the twins, you are more welcoming of the idea of starting a family. ‘Maybe it won’t be so bad’, your mind will tell you–‘Maybe this can really happen and I’ll be okay with it’. Meanwhile, your subconscious will say the complete opposite–that you’re pressuring yourself to feel a certain way to get that ideal outcome of giving your wife a baby. Which in turn, makes her happy and gives you security in your marriage and in yourself. I’m not saying this is exactly what’s going on but it’s a possibility to consider. Does this make sense?”

“I get what you’re saying.” Jungkook gives a brief nod. “I’m trying to be careful not to go by my feelings alone or say yes to a child out of pure tolerance of it or a willingness to please my wife. I’ve had some minor hiccups with saying we can have a baby at random times to __ . It’s caused her confusion so I’m more careful to not do stuff like that so casually. But I really am thinking about potentially starting a family so I think my mind really is changing. It’s like I’m 60% there but 40% not there.”

“60% there and 40% not there,” Hoseok repeats. “Could you break those down for me? How did you come to those percentages?”

“Well, I’m 60% because after giving it a lot of thought, I don’t dislike kids so I’m open to having them, any children I’ve been around recently have oddly uplifted my spirits, and I love my wife so if there’s anyone I could have a family with, it’d be with her. I’m 40% not there because I’m afraid I’ll revert back to my previous mindset if said child were to come. I don’t know if I can trust myself.”

“There seems to be a small pattern forming–you being uplifted around children,” Hoseok replies. “Patterns of behavior can be a measurement of progress or lack thereof. If you’ve been repeatedly uplifted around kids that’s something to think about as you sort through the matter of starting a family with __. You can trust yourself more in the conclusions you come to when there is repeated behavior and action to support them. Now as far as you being afraid you’ll revert back to your old self, why did that old Jungkook not want children? Was it a lack of interest in itself or were there external influences?”

“Uh, I guess I wanted to live a life focused on my career. My parents have done the same, but I wanted to do it separately from them. Growing up was always about meeting goals, whether they were academically or socially based. My parents were pretty absent from my life outside those frames. I couldn’t know them up close, like a healthy parent-child relationship. So when I grew up the thought of having children disinterested me. I’m happy for people who have kids but I didn’t see myself in a parenting role myself. I wasn’t fit for it either, so why have a child that I can’t properly take care of? I’d do better focusing on my career and maybe having a partner when the time came. That was my mindset.”

“It starts as disinterest and shifts to inadequacy,” Hoseok thinks a moment as he processes the explanation. The wheels turn in his head as he sorts through the information disclosed to him. “Jungkook,” he slowly starts. “Do you see yourself as naturally insecure? It seems like this different life you are describing works well for you and you’re comfortable with it, partly due to how you were raised. So the thought of something new coming into your life, like a baby, risks flipping your life upside down. You’re in turn, left vulnerable and scrabbling for what the proper course of action is. This leads to my next question–do you have a fear of becoming like your parents?”

“I suppose I do, but I never put that much weight into it before because I always thought I’d do better than them. And for the most part, I have. When it comes to raising a child though, the potential of following their lead still frightens me.”

“Given the environment you grew up in, that's completely understandable. Unfortunately, your parents didn’t raise you as a child but more of an employee or predecessor that only adds to their self-value. If it’s any encouragement, you being aware that they raised you poorly and successfully becoming a person that doesn’t embody their harmful traits means you will likely not end up like them. So you can be at ease, Jungkook. You’ll raise your children with a healthy mindset–separate from your parents.”

“Just to clarify, hyun–Dr. Jung, you’re saying that I've been against having a child because I’m worried I’ll lose my comfortable lifestyle; my security in other words. And because I’m scared to become my parents which shouldn’t be a fear because I know what they did was wrong?” Jungkook struggles to wrap his mind around the logic.

“It’s alright that you still have that apprehension Jungkook, the fear of following in your parent’s footsteps. I’m suggesting that it won’t happen because you’ve become a person who actively repulses those poor choices that they’ve made. So if you were to have a child, the chances of them being raised as you were is significantly low. Also, you wouldn’t be raising the child alone. __ will be there with you every step of the way and all of us who have been your friends for ages will be more than willing to help you too. Yoongi and Seokjin been fathers for years so they’ll be the first ones to offer a proper hand.”

“So wait, does this mean I’m ready to be a parent then? Because I see your point and it’s starting to make sense. I think I am leaning towards being one but I'm unsure if I can have a child right away. __ won’t say it but I think she’ll want to get pregnant fairly soon if I agree to having a baby. I don’t want to disappoint her.”

“It’s still up to you to decide if you’re ready or not, Jungkook.” Hosoek clears his throat, leaning forward in his chair. “Here’s what I’m saying. Your aversion to having kids doesn’t seem like a mere disinterest in kids. It’s more of an insecurity in yourself that you can work through with some help. Plus, part of you wants a child because you’ve had positive experiences with them recently. I believe, with all the factors we've discussed, you will be able to better understand the source of your hesitation and openness toward starting a family. This will help you make a clearer decision on the matter instead of holding yourself back from one based on previous misconceptions–”

“So that’s it then,” Jungkook interrupts as if enlightened. “I actually do want a baby, generally speaking. I’ve just been looking at the whole issue the wrong way, holding myself back and such.”

“Uh okay, slow down there,” Hoseok eases. “You don’t have to make the decision to have a baby right away. I’m glad you’re beginning to understand your situation more but for now, let’s talk more about this subject okay?”

Jungkook nods in agreement and continues his session with Hoseok for another half hour. He feels good by the end, so good that he schedules another meeting with him next week.

And yeah, he thinks he really does want that baby. When he gets home he’s going to wrap you in his arms and tell you all about it.

Jungkook finds you on the living room couch when he gets home. Your legs are tucked underneath you as you scroll on your phone. You're out of your work clothes and have a plain t-shirt and shorts on instead.

"Hey," you greet your husband. "How was it?"

Your husband rushes to sit beside you, the cushion bouncing due to his eagerness. He proceeds to tell you everything that Hoseok said, from his inner struggles with his parents to his own insecurities with fatherhood. By the end of his spiel, you're delighted that your husband's gotten helpful insight but are in utter shock as well.

"I–wow I'm blown away at how good seeing Hosoek was for you. I knew he'd help you a ton being who he is but I wasn't expecting you to be this enthusiastic to talk about babies." You let out a nervous laugh. "Sorry, nothing's funny. I need a minute to process everything, that's all."

You head to the kitchen for a glass of water. Jungkook follows behind you.

"You know...we met at a time that a child wasn't really in the cards, but now we're at a place that I think it could work," he says. "Hoseok helped me understand my hesitation and openness towards starting a family. And by the end, the thought of having a baby excited me more than scared me because we'll be doing it together."

"Are you–Junkook, are you really serious about all this?" You lean against the kitchen counter with a glass in your hand. "This a big step for us and I don't want you to have to make a quick decision. I know it was me who brought up having a family first, so it's no problem if we need to take more time to–"

"I want to do this with you __." Jungkook walks over to you and takes the cup from your hand to set it on the countertop. He then folds his hands over yours. "Nothing would make me happier than having a baby together. You still want to, don't you?"

"I do," you swallow hard and stare into his loving eyes. A small smile creeps on your face when the reality of the situation hits you–you're actually going through with this; you're going to start a family.

"So..." Jungkook drawls, inching his body closer to you.

"So, what?"

"So don't take your birth control tomorrow if you don't want to." He drops your hands at that in favor of cupping your cheeks instead, bringing you into a passionate kiss. You moan when the kiss deepens and you feel his muscular body press you further against the counter.

"Not in the kitchen," you mumble between kisses.

"Could be fun though," Jungkook smirks and brings his hands around your waist, lifting you up on the surface. Experience tells you to wrap your arms and legs around him so you do. And when he goes back for another kiss, he makes sure to bite on your bottom lip so he can slip his tongue in your mouth.

"Mhph–" you moan when his hands slip underneath your shirt, dragging it up until you lift your arms for him to take it off. He moves to your neck next, placing several open-mouth kisses on the delicate skin that is sure to turn into bluish-purple hickeys in the morning. "Jungkook," you tug his hair roughly.

Your husband grunts at the gesture and traces his fingers along your bare skin until they find the delicate band of your bra. He unclasps the material in seconds, leaving your nipples pebbling from the cool air.

"Is it too soon for me to say I can't wait until these are lactating?" He cups the swell of your breasts and circles his thumbs over your hardened buds. You mewl at the touch, arousal already collecting between your thighs.

"They'll be for the baby," you reply. "Not you."

Jungkook growls immediately and brings his mouth over a breast. The relentless sucking and licking makes you throw your head back in pleasure. He moves to your other breast after his teeth tug at your nipple a few times, repeating the process all over again. "Fuck–" you yelp when one of his tugs gets a little too harsh.

"Shit, I'm sorry baby." He draws his teeth back and starts licking the bud soothingly. "Feel better?"

"Mm," you whine. "Need more, please."

Jungkook knows exactly what you're asking for so he gives your nipples one last lick each, then pecks your lips. His sturdy arms lift you off the counter next and carries you into the bedroom where he lays you on the bed.

"Just a second," he says. You nod and watch him yank his shirt over his head, revealing his toned body. It's always sexy to see him taking his clothes off like this, you think to yourself. He removes his pants; leaving his briefs on, then climbs on the bed with you. "You're so effortlessly beautiful you know that? I'm gonna make you feel good tonight baby," he promises and plants gentle kisses down your abdomen.

You raise your butt a little when he starts peeling your shorts and underwear off. "Fuck, I didn't know you could get this wet," he comments, spreading your thighs apart so he can comfortably sit between them. A single finger drags up your slit, a moment after and you buck your hips at the suddenness. "How many fingers do you want? Or do you want to skip to my tongue eating you out? I'll do whatever you tell me, baby."

You moan hearing the last part. Jungkook is always quick to please. "Both, please. Your fingers and mouth," you say, gripping the sheets in preparation.

At your word, Jungkook slowly pushes a finger into your wet pussy. The initial squelch gives both of you pleasure; a shiver runs down your spine and Jungkook's underwear tightens.

"Oh god," you moan when a second finger slides next to the first one, both curling inside you just right. "One more, need one more." Jungkook pumps his fingers into you two more times, then adds a third.

"Like it?" he asks, fingers moving faster in you. "Feeling good?"

"Yes, fuck–keep going Kook."

Jungkook continues pumping his finger inside you, carefully watching you bite your lip as he does. He loves seeing you like this–getting so fucked out over his fingers. "Shit–" he grunts and leans his head between your thighs when he sees some of your pearly white liquid drip down your thighs and onto the bed sheets.

"Fuckfuckfuck," you repeat, nearly breathless as your husband starts licking a long stripe across your sex. He removes his fingers before doing it again, allowing him to dip the tip of his tongue into your folds ever so slightly. "I think I'm about to come," you warn and claw at his luscious hair with one hand.

Jungkook takes this as the perfect time to start sucking your clit, biting it teasingly until you finally have your first orgasm of the night. When he lifts his head from your pussy, his mouth and chin are both glistening with your cum. "I love eating you out," he says, using his arm to wipe his mouth and chin, "You always taste like fucking candy. And you have no idea how turns on it makes me to see you enjoying it just as much."

"I'm pretty sure I can take a good guess," you reply, eyeing his obvious erection. "Want me to suck you off?" You move to slide the band of his briefs down but he stops the movement.

"Not tonight baby," he says. "I really just want to fuck you now."

"You sure?" you ask again but he only gets off the bed and removes his underwear. His hard cock smacks against his abdomen when he does, making your pussy clench around nothing.

"Missionary?" Jungkook crawls back on the bed and guides you on your back before throwing your legs over his shoulder. "Heard this angle is good for making babies." He winks and you laugh at his sudden playfulness.

"Kook, you know it'll be a few months before I'll be able to get pregnant right? Since I've been on birth control for years?"

"Well, I guess we're getting a head start then." Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows at you flirtatiously then slowly sinks the tips of his length into your pussy until bottoming out.

"Oh fuck," you both moan in unison at the familiar stretch. You and Jungkook have had a lot of sex over the years but not like this; this is a whole new experience.

"You're gonna make such a pretty mama," he coos, slowly thrusting his cock in and out of you. You feel the pressure in your core start to build at the simple comment. "You want me to make you round with our child don't you?"

"Yes–please, I want it so bad."

"My poor baby." Jungkook quickens his pace, pulling his cock out before slamming back in. Every thrust is rougher than the last, leaving you in a moaning mess as your body bounces up and down on the mattresses. "Gonna give you as many as you want now okay? Gonna fill this pussy up so good."

"Kook!" You scream and clench uncontrollably around him as he continues fucking you at what you can only call an animalistic pace. His hair is messy, body sweating, and his teeth are clamped together in sheer pleasure.

"Fuck!" He lets out another loud groan, his tatted hand clinging onto your legs while the other presses down on your stomach. "Look at you taking me so well," he praises. "Always so good for me or do you really want a baby that bad hm? Talk to me baby, tell me how it feels having your guts rearranged."

"It–" you can barely speak as his cock beats into you messily, his balls slapping against your asscheeks as he does. "It feels so good, shit! Don't stop!" You claw the sheets, desperate to cling onto something.

"Yeah? You want me to keep fucking you like this?" He pushes down on your stomach a little more. The added pressure makes it so you can feel his cock even more.

"Oh god, oh god fuck–" your eyes roll to the back of your head as your pussy starts spasming from all the thrusting. "So close, I'm so close Jungkook..."

"I can tell baby," he grunts. "You're squeezing me so tight but you're also so fucking wet. Come whenever you're ready okay? I'm going get us both there."

The next thirty seconds to a minute consists of Jungkook snapping his hips and several of your broken moans echoing off the walls of your bedroom. Finally, after a series of long, hard thrusts, you both reach your peak and have your release.

"I love you so much," Jungkook lets go of your legs and moves to straddle you. His elbows come up on either side of your head as he leans in for a kiss.

"I love you too," you mumble and card your fingers through his hair. "You're going to make a wonderful father Kook."

"Only because of you," he whispers before capturing your lips in simultaneously the most fiery and sweet kiss you've ever shared.

"What time is it?" You lazily throw an arm around your husband but to your dissatisfaction, it slips off him and hits the mattress instead. He's getting up for work–crap.

"It's 5:30 a.m," Jungkook replies and stands up from the bed, back muscles flexing as he does. He's still naked from last night and so are you now that you think about it. "I need to hop in the shower for work."

You reach forward to catch his wrist before he can move any further. "Let me join you."

Jungkook smiles. You're so beautiful with the way the soft sheets wrap around your bare skin. And your grip on his wrist makes him wish he could crawl back in bed with you.

"As wonderful as that sounds, we both know what'll happen if you jump in the shower with me. And we don't have enough time for that today. Sleep instead, okay?" He gives you a quick kiss and heads for the bathroom.

"Kook–" You kick the covers off your body and follow him.

"What are you doing?" he turns his head in your direction when he feels a cool breeze coming from the door.

"I need to shower too," you say and step behind him in the tub.

"Alright," he narrows his eyes at you. "I'll allow it but behave." When he turns on the hot water you grab your bodywash from the shelf.

"Mhm," you hum. "I definitely will."

You definitely did not. Which is why your husband is about to be late to his lecture with potential hickeys on his neck. You tried to be careful not to put them anywhere visible though—the kids don't need to see that.

"I gotta leave honey," he kisses you by the front door, keys jingling in his hand. "Bye," another kiss. "Yup bye…okay I love you but if I can't get fired by not showing up to class."

You give him one last smooch before reluctantly letting him go. "Oh wait, your collar." You smooth the fabric down for him when you see the crinkles. Jungkook likes it when you groom him like this, it's cute.

"Thanks," he says. "Love you!"

Once he's out of sight you shut the door behind him and walk back to your bedroom.

oh god.

You immediately stand still when you feel a sudden throbbing in your head. You place a hand over your stomach and close your eyes in hopes it'll pass.

"I think I need some water," you say. "I'm so nauseous. This has to be a dizzy spell. No way I'm pregnant after one night of being off my birth control." You dismiss the idea at the mere thought. "It's too soon."

Despite your protests, you decide to pick up a pregnancy test on your way home from work—just to be sure.

"Negative," you read the results of the test later that night. Outside the bathroom, you hear your husband rustling about in the bedroom. "Well, we'll just keep trying."

You smile, anticipating the start of your new life with Jungkook.

A/N: What do you think of the ending? I know oc is negative for pregnancy but she just got off bc so it'll take a few months. Still, they will keep trying ;) stayed tuned for an epilogue and hit me up with drabble ideas, as I will be writing more myself haha. Love You!! 😘

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#jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts au #fic:toolatetodream #kookslastbutton

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floralcrematorium · 1 month

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fuck it, band AU time

with my mounting zine deadlines and drawings i owe friends for their b-days, idk if i'll ever get to draw the accompanying material i wanted to, so it is time to yap everyone's ear off. apologies if this is a mess! it's been a hot minute since i've properly spewed my nonsense out loud

i think i wanna talk abt Nat first... I love using Natalya in narrative works -- she's so so interesting to me and the character i've fleshed out the most

in Band AU, Natalya is a solo pop musician whose earlier music takes heavy inspiration from ethereal wave and dark cabaret. artists who frequent the playlist i've made for her are birdeatsbaby, revue noir, and then a bit of the dresden dolls and mirabilis. here's a hyperlink to her WIP playlist!

as for subject matter, her music probably deals a lot with existentialism and self identity

at the start of her career, Nat is very experimental in her sound, presentation, and image. i like to think she sees her music videos and stage performances as a version of semi-abstract performance art. she's very into symbolism

the pop part of her sound comes a bit later, after she starts dating Alfred Jones, the front man of Multifacet, an alternative(?) rock band (gonna be real, i have NOT nailed down what their sound is yet). her relationship with Alfred is mutually unhealthy - they are somewhat codependent and both feel a need to perform due to media pressure. he's using her for her preexisting fame, she uses him to feel the lonely void she feels

Nat cracks under the pressure. She was a very popular artist before dating Alfred, but she had control. When they start dating, her own achievements begin to be overshadowed. Her career becomes inescapably intertwined with Alfred's. She hits an absolute breaking point

as of right now, the sound of nat's music when she's with alfred is a bit like rina sawayama's. i find her voice gorgeous and i like the sound of urgency in the songs I have added to Nat's playlist -- it's a stark difference from her earlier slower music. I think Frankenstein embodies Nat at this point in her career the best

i know billie eilish is WAY too mainstream for Nat's taste, but I can't help but think of The Diner from billie's latest album for the AmeBel breakup...

also I much prefer platonic AmeBel - I think when in a romantic relationship, these two enable the worse parts of one another. however as just friends, they work quite well! anyway the best way I can sum up how I see AmeBel is:

someone else: what do you even see in him? Nat: he makes me laugh. he's stupid. i like that in a man.

I think the constant theme for Nat is a constant searching for a sense of identity because she continually destroys the identity she's built. I think Nat is a little insecure and to truly flourish, she needs to find some confidence. she also needs a good support system, which comes in the form of Tereza (miss Czechia), but I'll talk about them at a different time (wink wink, nudge nudge)

If I have to give you examples of Nat's different "Eras":

Debut: The Silent, The Tragic Tantrum She's having fun. Nat's a bit cryptic, she's eclectic, and enjoys putting on a show on stage. Start of the AU: Girl Anachronism, The Dresden Dolls I associate Girl Anachronism a lot with Nat in general, band AU aside Dating Alfred: Frankenstein, Rina Sawayama The lyrics of this one really hit for Nat. "All I want is to feel beautiful inside and out/You're the one who can save me from myself." This is when AmeBela are mutually codependent Breakup: Nothing Lasts, Glycerine I don't have anything to add other than this is an old personal favorite of mine. That's it. Breakup, but with plot relevance: The Diner, Billie Eilish I really want to use the lines "I'll go back to the diner/I'll write another letter/I hope you'll read it this time/You better" Nat and Al are having a very public breakup, that's all I have to say Healing: Seventeen, birdeatsbaby Nat's like. 27 at the start of this AU, but I think the themes are still relevant. I also LOVE the dramatic and grandiose intro to the song -- I feel like it's a return to form for her... Healing Nat Part Two: I Always Hang Myself With The Same Rope, birdeatsbaby

Nat will get a happy ending. I do need to figure out in more detail in what ways she damages Alfred, but I think with the general theme of the whole AU being a cautionary tale about fame and the effects it has on an individual, I've focused more on the "good ending" route with Nat's story. She has a moment of self realization and puts in the time to work on herself.

#i got very eepy halfway through so i apologize if this is incoherent #i also just don't think anymore so this is simply what we are working with #hetalia #hws belarus #floralcrematorium band au #band au #hetalia band au #hws america #amebel

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blindmagdalena · 13 hours

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Seeking writing advice from one of the best. Please, share some of your tips, tricks and general wisdom (if you feel comfortable ofc). :))

you're so sweet! i'm no professional but i'll do my very best to offer something helpful!

the unfortunate reality is there's no one universal trick to writing. you just gatta Do It. and do it frequently! write badly. write out of sequence. write streams of consciousness with no mind for how the sentences read.

the most important thing you can do with your ideas is get them OUT of your head. you can't polish a gem before you've mined it.

don't delete the things you write! if you find a fic or a scene isn't flowing right or just doesn't fit where you've written it, put it aside. there's a good chance it'll come in handy later, or you'll be able to utilize it better at another time with a fresh perspective.

i have a whole doc called "odds and ends" where i hold onto moments or bits of dialogue that i've written but don't have a use for yet.

don't be afraid to seek validation! to paraphrase this tessa barron article, writing is performative. your story isn't finished until someone reads it. you'll never be done with it until it becomes real and complete to someone else. that's just part of the art! we write for ourselves, yes, but we also write to connect with each other.

read!!! in order to write well you must read. learn from authors who have more experience, more mastery over the art of storytelling and structuring their sentences. audiobooks count as reading, btw! it's so important as a creative to imbibe stories. i got back into reading published books around the time i started getting serious about writing again, and the impact it had on my style is SO obvious to me any time i go back and read my older pieces.

writing is fire and reading is fuel. feed your creativity!

PLAGERIZE. now ofc i don't mean this literally. but you absolutely SHOULD be freely taking inspiration from everything and everywhere. the reality is that there's only so many stories and concepts out there. what makes something original is the execution. don't ever be afraid to tell your version of a story you love. ESPECIALLY in fanfic! there's a reason fandoms are rife with stuff like beauty and the beast au's.

i hope that helps! 🖤

#writing advice #darling anon #ask and you shall receive

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starrgaziinggg · 2 years

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FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS | lee minho

PART ONE

You finally meet the man your friends Felix and Hyunjin have been blabbing about for the past couple months, and he's a royal pain in the ass.

Lee Minho is a legacy at your university. He received an honorary award when he graduated, got a position as a dancer in a company a week after receiving his diploma...and was renowned as the schools famous ice-cold fuckboy.

After coming back from a three month tour, you're introduced to him through your uni friends...and your life does a 180. It's hard enough to pass classes whilst also trying to navigate your failing relationship...but the added tension that comes with the dance prodigy you seem to be spending more and more time with?

Some would say it's too much to handle.

|Non idol AU|university AU|friends to lovers|

part one

"It's answer B."

Your brain fails to compute the sentence, instead shutting off the world again as you continue your deep sleep.

Until, that is, someone to your left elbows you in the boob.

"What the..." taking your head off of your arms you sit up straight, trying to get a better grasp of your surroundings. To your right, you see Felix looking at you with wide eyes. You look to the teacher of your lecture at the front of the class and, of course, he is staring straight back at you. You look back at your blonde haired friend, who's mouthing the letter, 'B' over and over.

"B?" You say out loud, your answer coming off as a question as your voice comes out deep from sleep.

"The correct answer, however it would have been more beneficial if Mr Lee hadn't have given the answer to you. And, for the love of god, please stop falling asleep in my classes," your professor sighs, paying his attention back to teaching the rest of the students.

"Thanks for the help, Lix," you say to him sleepily. He just gives you a warm smile back.

"Um, hello? If I didn't wake you up you'd never have given him an answer in the first place," Hyunjin says with an annoyed tone from the left of you.

"All you did was assault me, pervert," you say to him with an eye roll. He scoffs and pushes your shoulder. You pretend it's the sorest thing you've ever felt and flop over Felix, clutching your shoulder. Hyunjin just gives you his signature disgusted look before paying his attention back to the lecture.

"Why are you so tired for, anyway?" Felix asks you quietly, and Hyunjin turns to face you to listen to your answer.

"I have this stupid dance thing I need to do for this showcase one of our dance teachers signed me up for, and I have never been more uninterested in learning a dance in my entire life," you moan. "It's so mundane. It literally sends me to sleep every time I try to learn it."

"That bad huh?" Felix whispers. You widen your eyes and nod your head.

"I'll show you it later and you'll understand where I'm coming from," you reply. "It's only the second week of semester one and I've already given up."

Hyunjin, Felix and you were third years in university, the three of you studying the same dance course. You'd banded together after being paired for the group practical dance exam last December, quickly realising you were probably the three most capable dancers on your course. You'd nailed the exam, gone out for drinks to celebrate and been close friends ever since.

"We can go to the rec later today to see it, since we finish classes early today," Hyunjin says, and you nod your head. The rec was what everyone called the recreational dance studio. There were a number of studios in the arts department, including the rec (the more run down, lesser used studio), the more modern set of studios in the new dance building which were used constantly and lastly the huge, high ceilinged building that stood separately. It was where classes were taught and it was gorgeous, the interior grand and old fashioned, but you had to book to use it out with class hours.

You turned and desperately tried to focus on the lecturer. This particular lecturer, Mr Kim, seemed to sport a grudge specifically reserved for you, and it was starting to really piss you off. He'd always pick on you to give answers during class, especially when he could tell you weren't paying enough attention.

When your lecture finally ends, you pack your stuff up into your bag and follow the two boys out of the lecture hall and onto the courtyard of your university campus.

"That was the most boring hour of my life," Hyunjin complains as the three of you fall into step towards your last class of the day, practical dance.

"You say that after every non practical dance class," Felix points out, and Hyunjin just mimics him with a roll of his eyes, slinging an arm around your shoulder.

"You coming out with us tonight?" He asks you. The boys were constantly trying to get you out with their friend group, for whatever reason. You'd met some of their friends before; Jeongin, Seungmin and Jisung since the three boys also attended the same university as you. There were others, though, you hadn't met. Chan, Changbin and the famous Lee Minho. He was the only one out of the group who's name you'd recognised when the boys had talked about their friends. Albeit for all the wrong reasons.

"Don't think so," you say, and the two boys groan in unison. "I have a lot to do! I don't see the two of you with a showcase to prepare for."

"That's because you're a better dancer than us," Felix says, giving you a nudge. Hyunjin removes his arm from your shoulders and goes to walk backwards, facing you.

"Speak for yourself, Lix. I could give her a run for her money," he says cockily, before returning to your side. "Anyway, you hardly ever come out with us when it's not school related. We're starting to thing you're really boring."

"Hey!"

"That's not true," Felix says, but you see Hyunjin raise an eyebrow. "We just enjoy spending time with you, and our friends are always asking when they can see you next. Lino is desperate to meet the dance prodigy friend."

"And who might that be?" You say jokingly. You'd been dancing since you could walk, and you'd been told time and time again you had an exceptional talent for the sport. You worked hard, you put in the time and effort and most of the time it paid off. "Who's Lino?"

"Don't be dim," Hyunjin says to you. "And it's Minho, Lino's his nickname."

"You know, our friend who's now a professional dancer?" Felix said and you nodded, knowing exactly who Minho was.

You finally arrived to the practical dance studio and entered, dumping your stuff and changing your shoes to a pair you felt comfortable dancing in. This was your hip-hop style class, one of your favourites, so you were just wearing joggers, a crop top and trainers.

"He's just came back home from his tour, that's why we're going out tonight - to celebrate," Felix explains, tying his blonde mullet back into a ponytail. Hyunjin does the same with his long blonde hair, having recently dyed it bleach blonde from his jet black, matching Felix. The two of them sweat profusely when they dance, so if they don't tie it up, things get messy.

"Please come," Hyunjin says once he snaps the bobble into place. You flip your head over so you can tie your own hair up, too. "It will be fun!"

"I would love to, but..." you trail off, and the two boys give each other a look, eyebrows raised.

"If this is about that boyfriend of yours being a dickhead," Hyunjin starts, but stops when Felix slaps him on the arm. "Hey! You've said it yourself; he is a dickhead!"

"Yeah, but he's her boyfriend," Felix says with a sympathetic smile. "Is it, though?"

You huff at the two boys with preying eyes, awaiting your response. "None of your business."

"It definitely is," Hyunjin says to Felix loud enough for you to hear, and you shove him gently. As dramatic as your friend is, he stumbles back, clutching his shoulder. At that moment, your dance teacher for this particular class walks in and you start stretching.

You loved the hip hop style of dance this class taught, as it was very different to the styles you'd grown up learning. Contemporary and ballet was your strong suit, but you loved to step out of your comfort zone.

The class flew by, as most of your practical classes did. It was safe to say the three of you preferred your practical classes much better than your written classes. By the end of it, you were energetic and pumped up, fuelled by dancing, whereas your two friends were sweating in a heap on the floor.

"How you're still standing is beyond me," Felix huffs, rolling so that is back is on the floor. "That was the most intense class ever."

Hyunjin fist bumps him before dramatically smacking his hand back into the floor and making a huge deal out of it when it obviously hurt.

"It was so much fun! You don't understand how much I've been wanting to dance something interesting after doing the choreo for the showcase," you say, sitting down beside your friends and pulling out your phone. Your best friend Sooyun had messaged you a couple times asking what time your classes finished and what you were doing for the rest of the day, but you'd had radio silence from your boyfriend, Doha. Typical.

"So, what's the showcase for anyway?" Felix asks, finally heaving himself up into a sitting position.

"It's some back to school thing, for the arts department in the universities in our area. I don't really know, all I know is it's prestigious, one person gets chosen from each school to compete and if I win I'll get a money reward for the uni," you explain as much as you can since you don't really know much about it. You were given the choreo from one of your dance teachers, learned it, and that's all you could do.

"Well done for getting picked," Hyunjin says, no hostility in his voice. The three of you managed to get along so well because you were genuinely happy for each others achievements. Most people on the same course would feel resentment when someone was chosen for something and they weren't, but that was never the case for the three of you. "Is it something we can come watch?"

"Well this year our university is hosting it, so you can come if you want to. It will be super boring though, just warning you," you say, but secretly it gives you a feeling of warmth that they're interested in seeing you perform. Sooyun hadn't bothered asking about watching you, and Doha said he'd probably be busy. It wasn't as if you expected them to drop everything and watch you do something mundane, however a little appreciation would be nice.

You all start packing up your things and head out the door, starting the short walk to the rec. When you reach it, you see a couple other dance students are practicing various dances or just chilling with their friends. The best thing about the rec was that it was constantly open, so students could use it whenever they needed, which came in clutch during exam time. It was almost constantly full when practical dance exams were due.

"Okay," Felix says, finding an open space and slumping down to sit against the mirrored wall. "Show us the dance."

Hyunjin takes your bag and sits beside Felix, placing your bag next to him and raising his eyebrows as if to say, 'go on.' You use your phone to put on the music your teacher had sent you and place it on the floor as you begin the dance. You had the choreography nailed, but since it was so boring, as you watched yourself dance in the mirror even you felt as though you were watching an eighty year old attempt an interesting dance.

Hyunjin and Felix watched patiently until the music stopped and you did your ending pose, not a drop of sweat on you. Felix attempted a weak smile while Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

"I understand what you mean," he said instantly, and you laughed, sitting on the floor in front of the boys. "How are you ever supposed to win?"

"Exactly! It's like she's set me up for failure," you whine, referring to your dance teacher.

"My sisters created more interesting dances for me when they were toddlers," Felix laughs, pulling you up from the floor after your dramatically lie back, ashamed of the dance you'll have to perform next week.

"Honestly? I'm super tempted to just re do the choreo. How will the judges know? It's not as if it's a set choreography or anything, this is genuinely what Ms Kwon created for me," you explain, a mischievous twinkle in your eye which both boys noticed.

"Look, I like Ms Kwon. She's a good teacher...but she cannot choreograph for shit. It's a known fact, have you not heard the other practical teachers talk shit about her?" Hyunjin comments, and Felix nods his head, turning to give Hyun a look.

"I know that look," you say quizzically. "What are you thinking?"

"If Yongbok is thinking what I'm thinking...that we spend the rest of our afternoon re-choreographing your shit dance and you win the competition," Hyunjin says confidently, looking at Felix for confirmation. Felix sends him back a wild grin, and the two boys turn to you expectantly.

You raise a skeptical eyebrow. "I dunno, Ms Kwon will kill me."

"I can tell you with full certainty that if you dance her choreo you will lose, bad. Even Minho couldn't make that dance look good," Hyun comments, and Felix nods his head. "If you get in trouble, Lix and I will take the blame. Ms Kwon adores us, she'll let it slide."

You ponder the idea. You knew you'd have a better shot at winning if you danced your own choreo, especially if Hyunjin and Felix helped you. You also knew you'd feel like an idiot dancing Ms Kwon's choreo, especially if your friends came to watch.

"You two are the world's worst influences, you know that, right?" You say in defeat, and you watch your friends high five each other.

You spend the next two hours listening to the music you'd been given and using the basis of Ms Kwon's choreo to create a new dance. Hyunjin, Felix and you have always worked really well together, and this is no different. Ideas flow out of each of you, and when you put them all together you have the basics down of a really good dance.

Your panting by the end of hour two, when Felix stops you for the day. "Let's call it there - it's already five pm and our table is booked for seven tonight," he explains, looking at you expectantly.

"Sounds good to me - we've done so much in such a short amount of time. I'm sure by next Friday you'll be more than prepared with the new choreo," Hyunjin says, picking up his bag. "You sure you don't want to come out with us tonight?"

You don't answer at first, checking your phone to see if Doha has messaged you back. Instead, the only text you've received is from your family group chat, your dad asking your mum what she was making for dinner. You roll your eyes fondly at the messages, thinking about when you'd next visit your parents since they were in Busan and you went to Uni in Seoul.

You looked up at Hyunjin as Felix went to the other side of you and you made your way out the rec. "I had asked Doha to come round tonight for movies but he's not replied to my texts since yesterday."

Hyunjin rolls his eyes. "Fuck that guy. I mean, don't actually fuck him, like fuck him, you know what I mean? He never replies to you, he never lets you go out - I don't even know why you're with him!"

"Hyunjin!" Felix says with a shocked expression, moving his head in front of you to mouth, 'shut up.'

"Sorry, but I'm just being honest. Felix thinks the same, it's a shame that you never come out with us, and don't get me started on that evil witch you call your best friend -" Hyunjin begins ranting, until Felix cuts him off.

"Hyun, enough! She already knows what we think," he says, before grabbing your hand and giving it a squeeze, turning to you. "And it's your life, don't listen to him."

"It's fine, Lix. I get why you guys are fed up with it, it's annoying that I never see you outside of uni, I know. It's just...we've been together since we were sixteen, and although things are a bit rough right now...it wasn't always like that," you explain, a sad sort of expression on your face. Felix nods understandingly.

"Please come out with us tonight," Hyunjin attempts one last time, stopping as you reach your student accommodation. You have your own room on a floor with three other people; one of whom being Seungmin, which is one of the reasons you got so close to Hyunjin and Felix out with dance this year. You laughed when you got your second-year accommodation and saw Seungmin's familiar face in the kitchen. Felix and Hyunjin are on the same floor in a building a ten-minute walk away. "Just for a bit, and then we will stop pestering you."

Felix and Hyunjin both look at you, anticipating what you'll say.

"Okay, fine," you huff, whilst the boys are almost jumping around with joy. "But when I want to go home, I'm going home, okay?"

"Fair enough!" Hyunjin almost shouts, a huge smile on his face. "Seungmin knows the place, you can walk with him. Oh my god, Minho's going to be so happy!"

Hyunjin starts skipping towards his dorm building and Felix gives you a hug, shaking his head. "He's such an idiot, but he's a persistent idiot. If you feel uncomfortable tonight I'll walk you back myself. And if your boyfriend gives you any trouble for being out with us...I'll get Chan to fight him. See you later!"

You laugh at your friend as he walks quickly towards Hyunjin. You shake your head fondly whilst using your key fob to enter your dorm building. When you get to your floor, Seungmin's in the communal kitchen/living area making ramen. You had grown close to him this year, being the only person in your dorm you knew.

You were glad you'd stuck to your guns and applied for boy/girl accommodation rather than only girls, which is what Doha tried to get you to apply to. He didn't understand why you'd ever want to live with boys, and you explained that you'd lived with only girls in first year and loathed it, and you wouldn't subject yourself to that again.

"Hey loser," Seungmin says to you with a braced smile. "You're late back."

"Long story. You know my super boring dance for the showcase competition thing?" You say, sitting on one of the high stools at the kitchen counter. Seungmin nods, stirring his ramen. "Hyunjin and Felix just helped me re-choreograph it."

"Oh, very rebellious," he says with a laugh. "But very necessary. I didn't know if you'd be out for dinner but I made extra ramen anyway, want some?"

You nod enthusiastically. "You're my favourite. Oh, also, Hyun and Lix were practically begging me to come out to the bar with you guys tonight, so I gave in. You can walk with me, right?" You ask him.

"You're actually going out with us tonight?" He says, shock evident on his features. "What's Doha saying about that?"

"Does everyone hate my boyfriend?" You say with a laugh, sensing the tone in Seungmin's voice as he says your boyfriends name. They had bumped into each other a couple times since you moved into your accommodation a couple weeks ago, and you thought they'd got on okay, but apparently not.

"It's not like I hate him, he just...I don't know. I get a weird vibe, but nothing to do with me. Anyway, yes I can walk with you. Now please go shower, cause you stink, and when you get out I'll have your ramen ready," he says, going back to stirring the noodles. Perhaps your favourite thing about Seungmin was how straightforward he was. It was one of the reasons you got on so well so quickly.

You do exactly what Seungmin says, taking a shower and washing your hair to get ready for the unexpected night ahead. You check your phone again, just incase Doha has replied, but he hasn't. Figures.

You send another message, adding onto the three you've already sent today, just explaining that you were going out with Hyunjin and Felix and their friends. You wait a couple minutes after pressing send, just to see if that sparks Doha's attention, but it doesn't, so you throw on a dressing gown and huffily go through to the kitchen.

There's two bowls of ramen sitting on the table, and of course Seungmin hasn't waited for you to start eating. You join him, digging into the food he has made for you.

"Mmm, this is great, thanks Seungmin," you say through mouthfuls of food. He nods at you appreciatively.

"So what made you decide to finally go to the bar with us?" He asks you.

"You guys are making it seem like I never spend any time with you!" You laugh. "I see you, Hyunjin and Felix literally every day, and I've been out with your group multiple times!"

"Sure, but only a couple times in the whole almost year you've known us, and you haven't even met half our friends yet," Seungmin points out, and you groan exasperatedly.

"I don't know. I just try my best to keep Doha on his good side, and he obviously doesn't like me spending all my time with guys. He prefers me hanging out with Sooyun," you explain in as best a way as possible.

"Oh, the she-witch?" Seungmin states instantly, and you roll your eyes. There was an incident at the end of last semester where Sooyun had bumped into you and Hyunjin walking around campus. She attended your university, whereas Doha attended the Uni in the next town over. She'd invited you both to go to a cafe with her, and you hadn't thought anything of it, but when you parted ways Hyunjin had told you how much he couldn't stand her the next day at dance practice.

"So first you hate my boyfriend, and now Hyunjin's made everyone hate my best friend too?" You say with a small smile, trying to stay positive. You were starting to really like Seungmin, you got on really well with Hyunjin despite your playful bickering, and you adored Felix...but every time they brought up how much they loathed your best friend and boyfriend you couldn't help but feel that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. These were your friends since high school, and you it honestly worried you how all your new friends seemed to dislike them.

"It's not like that. Sorry, it's really none of my business," Seungmin apologises.

"No it's fine, I get it. I guess you guys are just looking out for me."

Seungmin hums with a nod, agreeing with you. The two of you finish up eating and you take the bowls, taking them to wash them in the sink.

"Hyunjin especially. He puts on this front like he doesn't care about anyone or anything, and hides everything behind some nippy sarcastic comments, but he cares a lot more than you think," Seungmin explains. You've realised how intuitive he is, and it's so interesting to hear him talk about his friends.

"Anyway," you say, an attempt to divert the topic. "I decided to come tonight because I had plans with Doha but he's not replied to me all day. I've seen he's been active though, so I don't know what's going on, and please don't give me a lecture on how it's not a 'healthy relationship' or whatever the fuck, because I'm fully aware."

Seungmin just raised his eyebrows, drying the two bowls you've just washed and putting them in his designated cupboard.

"Sorry," you apologise. "That came off far too snippy than I intended it to."

"Don't sweat it. Just focus on looking pretty for tonight. Minho is desperate to meet you," Seungmin replies, no distaste in his tone. He seemed to understand whatever mess was going on in your head regarding your relationship situation, and you were thankful for that.

"So I've heard. Why?" You ask, walking through your hallway and stopping outside your bedroom door. Seungmin was the door opposite from you.

"Just cause he's a dancer, and the gruesome twosome haven't stopped singing your praises for the past year," Seungmin explains, and you laugh at his stupid nickname for Felix and Hyun.

You salut him, and he reciprocates the action as you disappear into your bedroom to get ready, a little ritual the two of you had started instead of saying goodbye. You spend the next hour doing your hair, makeup and picking out an outfit. After great consideration (having no idea what is bar etiquette suitable), you finally choose to wear leather jeans and a long sleeved crop top, trying to keep your outfit casual, but also making an effort. You wanted to make a good impression in-front of the people you hadn't met yet.

Seungmin knocks on your door at quarter to seven, and you come out after grabbing your bag and a jacket. You fall into step as you leave your dorm building and follow Seungmin as the two of you walk out of the campus grounds.

"So Hyunjin said you guys go to this bar often?" You say as you walk down the street.

"Yeah, pretty much every week. Now that Minho and Chan have graduated, we hardly see them since Minho's been on tour for three months and Chan works his ass off. Changbin works too, in addition to his uni course, but he still shows face a lot," Seungmin explains.

"So you guys have been friends since highschool?" You ask. Hyunjin and Felix had talked about their friend group often, but never in huge detail.

"Yeah, some of us from before then. I've known Jeongin since I was a baby, and Felix and Chris the same. We became close in high school and have kind of stayed in the same group since then," Seungmin tells you. You listen intently until Seungmin stops at the door of a cool looking bar. "This is us."

He pushes the door open and your instantly met with a group of boys sitting at a long table in the back corner of the bar. Seungmin goes before you, manoeuvring through the chaos to get to his friends. They greet him happily, and you try to put faces with names. You obviously recognise Felix and Hyun, who stand up to pull you in for a hug, and you recognise Jeongin and Jisung, but you can't remember out of the remaining three boys who's who. One, with dark hair and huge biceps, who flashes you a smile, you think must be Changbin - the music producer who spends half his life in the gym. Then, the handsome guy with a constant smile and accent, you figure must be Chan, the Australian. Then, that leaves...

You pull away from your hug with Felix as he holds your hand, something you've noticed he does a lot, to pull you so you're sitting beside him at the opposite end of the infamous Lee Minho. He was two years above you in university, and you remember all about the 'legacy', the famous dancer who was the best student the arts department had seen for years. You'd even been told by some of your lecturers you could give him a run for his money.

"So, this is your friend," Changbin starts as soon as you and Seungmin are seated. "It's nice to finally meet you in person."

"Lay off, Bin," Hyun says instantly, noticing his flirty eyes. "She's got a boyfriend."

"Shame," is all Changbin says, taking a sip of his drink. Beside him, Hyunjin gives him an elbow to the ribs.

"Seriously, we've finally got her to come out with us, don't give her a reason to never do it again," he says, glaring at his friend beside him. You laugh, waving your hand, an attempt to break the ice.

"Don't stress so much, Hyun. He's just trying to be nice," you say with a polite smile. Jeongin, who you've spoken to a couple of times before, raises an eyebrow at you.

"Ulterior motives," he says ominously, earning a laugh from everyone at the table.

"I don't think we've met before, I'm Chan," the man who you assumed was Chan says to your from a couple seats away, flashing a charming grin. You smile back, introducing yourself. "What do you guys want to drink?"

Seungmin tells Chan his drink of choice and you do the same, watching as he goes up to the bar and pays for the two drinks without a second thought.

"Is he always -" you start, aiming your question at Felix.

"Yeah, he's like the kindest person in the universe, you get used to it," he says with a grin. You nod in understanding and thank Chan when he comes back with your drink. You sip on it cautiously, beginning to settle into your friend's friend group.

"So," Changbin says, directing the conversation towards you. "You're on Hyunjin and Felix's dance course?"

You nod your head in reply, taking another sip of your drink.

"She's not just on it, she dominates it," Hyunjin says dramatically, hyping you up in front of his friends. You gaze goes straight to Minho, and you start to wonder if maybe Hyun and Lix had talked about him so much that you were subconsciously focusing on him.

"Is that so?" Minho says, speaking up for the first time. Hyunjin looks towards him and nods.

"Not even kidding. She was chosen out of the whole course for this showcase on Saturday. And she's got the highest grade in the year," Hyun carries on, and you feel your cheeks reddening at the compliments.

Minho whistles, leaning back. "Is this showcase something that can be watched?"

You almost widen your eyes at the words. This guy you've never met before wanting to watch a showcase you were in. "Yeah," you say, trying to sound as calm and collected as possible. "It's at the university, Saturday night, though I assure you it will be incredibly boring -"

"I'll be there," Minho cuts you off, and you see Felix wiggle his eyebrows from beside you. Thankfully, before you can combust, Seungmin speaks up.

"I'd like to come and watch too, if I can," he says to you, and you smile knowing your friend cares enough to take an interest in you. He's met with Jeongin agreeing, and then Jisung too, and before you know it all the boys are talking about how excited they are to see you dance on Saturday.

"See," Felix whispers from beside you. "I told you they'd love you."

You nod at him with a smile, thankful that his friends were accepting of you crashing their night.

"So, how was tour, Lino?" Chan asks, looking towards Minho as he does. The group falls quiet, listening intently.

"Amazing. Honestly better than anything I could've imagined. It was fucking tough though - no breaks, just constantly on the go. I think I had maybe two days in the whole three months that I didn't have something going on," he explains. You're intrigued with his words, knowing he's a professional dancer, hired to accompany whatever dance position his company need him for. Felix explained he'd been touring with a k-pop group as a back up dancer for the last three months.

"Jisung missed you," Changbin teases. "He kept saying how he misses you living with him and how he hates us all." Jisung scoffs at this, but you don't miss the fond look Minho shoots him.

"That's stretching the truth," Jisung starts, but it's met with a laugh from almost all the boys, and you know he's lying.

"Anyway, next round on me," Minho says, and the boys whoop knowing they get a free round. "What do you all want?"

Felix offers to help Minho carry the drinks, and after you tell the two boys what you want you're left with the rest of the group, sitting beside Changbin.

"So this boyfriend of yours," Changbin starts, and Hyunjin practically punches him on the arm.

"They've been together for like four years, dumbass. Leave the poor girl alone," he says glaringly.

"I'm just kidding, calm down Hyun," Changbin laughs, before he turns to you. "Seriously, I'm kidding. I think you're lovely, but you're not my type."

"The feelings mutual," you laugh, thankful that Changbin wasn't actually hitting on you. "It's funny to see Hyunjin get so protective, anyway."

"Isn't it!" Changbin laughs, and Hyunjin sends him a disgusted look. "He pretends to be so high and mighty, but he's such a baby."

"Okay, dickhead," Hyun laughs. "I didn't invite her tonight for you to rip the piss out of me in front of her."

"Aw, Hyun, don't get mad now that your friends like me better than you," you say in a mocking tone, earning a laugh from Changbin.

"I like her," he states abruptly, and you can't help but be proud that you're fitting in well.

After Minho and Felix come back with a drink for all of you, you fall into natural conversation with everyone. You discuss Seungmin's classical music course and how he's getting on, Chan's job and whatever else intrigues you. Before you know it, you're another three drinks down and definitely starting to feel them. The boys decide to play a game of pool, hogging the pool table beside your table in the bar as soon as the last group leave. You decide to watch rather than play, checking your messages to see whether you'd had a reply yet. Radio silence.

"I see why the boys have been hiding you from me," someone says to you, jolting you out of your thoughts as you switch off your phone. Minho slides into the seat beside you, taking a sip of his drink.

"And why's that?" You say in return, turning to face the man beside you. For the first time tonight, you let yourself really look at him. He's so insanely pretty it's a joke, sharp jawline and gorgeous side profile. You have to physically snap yourself out of the trance he has you in, reminding yourself that although you and Doha are going through a rough time, he's still your boyfriend.

"You're just too perfect," he says with a smirk, and you scoff. If he's saying you're perfect, he's kidding himself. "I don't think I've ever looked as forward to watch someone perform as I am to watch you on Saturday."

"That's only because Hyun and Lix have hyped me up to you as much as they have you to me," you point out, sipping your drink. "You're not interested in the game?"

You nod over to the boys hollering around the pool table beside you and watch as Minho flashes you a smile. "Unfortunately I've been disallowed to enter into pool competitions. They get pissed off when I win."

You roll your eyes at the man's cockiness. It's as though he knows the effect he's having on you and wants to play into it as much as possible.

"So you went to our uni," you say instead, changing the topic. Minho nods. "You're a bit of a legacy on campus, you know."

Now it's Minho's turn to scoff, leaning back in his chair lazily. "For all the wrong reasons, I presume."

You laugh at this, nodding your head. "You are certainly a hot topic amongst the girls, that's for sure."

"Well, if you're ever in need of a friendly fuck, I'm your guy," he says nonchalantly, and you almost spit out your drink at his boldness.

"I'm fine, but thanks for the offer," you say with a sharp tone of voice. Who the hell does this guy think he is? It's at that point Felix falls into the seat beside you, his eyes thick with drunk as he starts to slur his words.

"He's not giving you too much of a tough time is he?" Felix smiles lazily, resting his head on your shoulder. It's late, and you know Felix can't handle his drink well, so you allow it.

"I'm being a perfect gentlemen," Minho counters with a raised brow.

"If offering to fuck is being a gentlemen, then sure," you reply, an edge in your tone, but when Minho gives you a genuine laugh, your facade drops and you join him in laughter. You still can't figure him out, but you laugh with him nonetheless, enjoying letting loose for once.

"Jesus Minho, lay off for once," Felix laughs, knowing his friend doesn't mean any harm. "Her boyfriend would beat the shit out of you if he could."

You roll your eyes, knowing the hard man act Doha puts up a lot of the time is just that - an act. Minho's demeanour would be enough to send Doha running, you thought.

"As if," Minho scoffs. You're about to reply when Seungmin walks over to you with a huff.

"Time to go, loser. I lost bad," he says with a pouty face, and you stand up, manoeuvring around Felix as you laugh at Seungmin to grab your jacket and bag to join Seungmin on the walk home.

"You're not staying until the end of the game?" Minho asks, looking towards Seungmin as his friend shakes his head.

"It will go on for hours. Hyunjin and Changbin are on the verge of physically fighting at this point," Seungmin explains, looking over to the two boys. You watch as they argue about who's turn it is and laugh, walking towards them to say your goodbyes. Hyunjin gives you a quick hug and mentions class on Monday, whearas Changbin, Jeongin, Chan and Jisung smile at you.

"It was lovely to meet you," Chan says, and you reply before turning to hug Felix goodbye.

"Thanks for coming," he says as he wraps his arms around you. "I hope they weren't too awful."

"I actually had fun," you say as you pull away from him. You turn to Minho, giving him a half smile.

"I'll see you on Saturday, I guess," you say to him, letting Seungmin help you put your arms through your jacket.

"You will indeed," he winks at you, and you roll your eyes as you walk out the bar, holding the door open for Seungmin.

"So," he says as your hit with the cold September air. "Do you hate our friends?"

"Quite the opposite," you say with a fond smile. "I'm surprised I got along with them as well as I did."

"I'm not," Seungmin said, which made you smile. "I could tell they'd like you. Even Minho spent a lot of time with you, and he's a great judge of character. Don't tell him I said that."

You laugh at your friend as you continue your walk to the dorm building.

"Thanks for walking with me," you say to him when you unlock the floor door. "I appreciate it."

He gives you a toothy grin, waving his hand. "No sweat. Just know that they will be on your ass about coming out with us again now."

You roll your eyes and for the second time today give your friend a salut, as he reciprocates the action and disappears into his bedroom.

You look at you phone and still, no text from your boyfriend. You groan at this point, seeing he has been active on social media but is apparently just choosing to ignore your messages. You knew that you'd been going through a rough patch, not seeing each other half as much as you used to, but seriously? A whole day with no reply?

You go to bed that night feeling a mixture of emotions. It was almost as if you could feel a shift in your life, as if you knew things were starting to change. For the better or worse, you didn't know. But for some reason, you were feeling ten times more anxious for next Saturday than you were before.

PART TWO HERE!

taglist

@miamyre @skzgallll

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gabessquishytum · 1 year

Note

Did you know Oscar Wilde and Walt Whitman once spent an intimate evening together? Which makes me wild, if you'll pardon the pun, and also reminds me of Poet!Dream from Moorishflower's recent cowboy au.

My particular riff would be similar. Dream is a young poet on a speaking tour of the UK and the US espousing the ideals of a more bohemian lifestyle versus one grounded in reason and security. One should strive to see all of his dreams come true. He doesn't quite know what his tour exists partially to promote a rather scathing play based on him and his enclave back in London, but the seats fill themselves and he's getting a very nice pay. One such person who attends his talks is Hob.

Hob is not a young man anymore. He's spent the better part of his life working the trades and molding himself into being the sort of intellectual that he wants to be. He's entirely self-taught in most of his artistic matters and has only recently become a national sensation after a volume of poetry he has written about his life as a poor workman and of the intense friendships he's had with other men becomes a best seller. He thinks Dream is a little naive, but appreciates his fight for the arts.

They both happen to know the same literary agent and said agent gets them to correspond with each other. Both make horrible first impressions as Dream, who has never read a line Hob has written, basically stands in awe that someone without a formal education could be so good. Hob responds in kind that living a life focused solely on art must be heaven when he doesn't have to worry about paying his rent. They volley back and forth for a few weeks, trading well-humored insults and falling ever so closer in love than before. That is until Dream's speaking tour comes to an end and he must leave. Hob concedes then and invites him over for dinner.

At dinner, they drink wine and talk philosophy. Dream is much more humble in person than he is via correspondence. Hob also is much more learned than he comes across. Dream is actually in awe of him making the best of his life no matter the situation. Which Dream simply didn't think was possible. He places his hand on Hob's knee and one thing leads to another. About three months after he's returned to London, he reads a new poem from Hob that's just been published in a highly respected magazine and while it's titled "An Ode to Somnus", he knows it's about him his heart just soars.

- 🤜 Anon

This is a great AU, I absolutely love it. If you guys are interested in reading more about Oscar and Walt's romantic evening, there's a fantastic little article in The Toast which I'll link here.

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about Dream putting his hand on Hob’s knee. And Hob calling Dream a "great, splendid boy". God, yeah. Hob taking Dream into his lap and telling him that he's so pretty and clever. Dream pressing coy kisses to the edge of his mouth until Hob takes him properly in hand, slides rough fingers into his neatly combed hair, and kisses the soul out of him.

Dream lies in bed at home and luxuriates in the memory of Hob’s touch, and he has never been so happy. He takes a clipping from the magazine and presses it against his heart. The next time he writes to Hob, he leaves kiss marks stained with rouge on the paper. And he's already begging for another speaking tour - he already has so many new thoughts to present, about following one's dreams and the nature of love. And he wants very much to give Hob a private performance.

#🤜 anon #the sandman #dreamling #dream x hob

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gimmethosedaddymilkers · 1 year

Text

Self-Loathing and other wrong doings

Okay! This was requested by an Anon, and it is a modern twist on things with a chubby reader. Arthur's gonna help the reader with those nasty thoughts of hers, and he's gonna make things all better, as he typically does.

I'll have this linked on my modern masterlist once I'm done! and I hope you guys can enjoy this!

You'll have to excuse me, I have to find out where I put my tags list before I can actually tag y'all- just be patient with me if you can! I'll get back into the swing of it!

(Here's one of my Arthur Images from one of my playthroughs lmao)

Warnings: Smut, so 18+, self hate and similar themes, meaning negative thoughts, chubby reader, and female reader, modern AU. Fuck it I'm making arthur chubby too cause I can. I think that should be all!

let's get started!

You stare yourself down in the mirror, your hands placed against your stomach, looking at the way it pudged out, pushed out further than the rest of your body.

It wasn't flat, like it should have been. Perhaps if it was you'd hate yourself less. You had nice hips, and your upper half wasn't bad, but that stomach. It's what makes you upset. What makes you wonder why your amazing boyfriend was even with you in the first place.

Every time you saw yourself in the mirror you couldn't ever manage to feel anything but distain for yourself. You always felt so massive.

You had no idea how Arthur could stand to look at you.

You'd planned on taking a shower, that's why you were in here in the first place, but you no longer had an interest in doing so. Your mind felt dark, your head heavy. You just felt...wrong. Uncomfortable in your own skin.

You quietly redress yourself and then leave the bathroom, shutting off the light and pulling the door shut as you head into the hallway of your home.

You make a beeline for your bedroom, thankful that your breakdown has come on a day off, rather than when you'd been at work.

Crawling into the bed feels better than standing, you pull the covers up to your chin, and lie on your side, curled into yourself, as the tears begin to fall.

Your head screams obscenities at you, talking poorly about yourself to you.

Calling you names that you'd already heard throughout your entire life.

"Fatass."

"Ugly"

"Lard on legs"

You weren't the ideal girl, not to anyone. Not even to yourself. Maybe Arthur was gonna text you one of these days and tell you how disgusting you were, and finally leave you, like you deserved.

The tears get heavier, falling down your face faster as the thought enters your mind.

Arthur was your everything, he meant the world to you. If he left you, what would become of you? You'd spiral without him. You know you would. Hell you were spiraling now, and he hadn't even said anything to you.

You're in the middle of wiping the tears on your face when your phone rings, vibrating on the mattress beside you. As if he knew you were thinking about him, his name flashes on the screen, Arthur, with a little heart next to it.

You sniffle and hope you won't sound too bad when you answer, and pick up the phone, turning on speaker phone.

"Hey darlin'! I jus' got outta work, I'm headed your way, figured since you were off I'd just swing by and stay the night with ya, so long as you don't mind."

"That's fine, Love." You answer, swallowing at the thought of him joining you. You'd have to pull yourself together.

"You alright? You sound like you've been cryin' Princess..."

"'M fine Art, just...thinkin'."

"Well, I'll be there in....fifteen minutes at the most, and we'll talk about whatever's botherin' you, I can't have ya cryin' on me now."

He chuckles, and it warms your chest, even over the phone he eases your senses, what would you do when he finally opened his eyes and realized what you looked like?

"Okay, I'll see you then Art."

"I love ya Sweetheart."

"I love you too."

He seems hesitant to hang up, but after a moment he does and leaves you in silence once again.

Your tears continue to come, no matter how much you try to get them to stop, they just keep coming.

Before you realize it, you hear the door open and the sound of Arthur's footsteps as he makes his way down the hall to your room.

He stands in the doorway, and looks at you, and when you turn your head to look at him the look on his face only makes your heart pang worse.

"Oh...Darlin' what are you cryin' for? What's goin' on?"

He wastes no time moving to the bed, kicking off his work boots before he climbs in and cradles you into his chest, and you expected it to comfort you, which, it did, however, you didn't expect to start crying harder.

"Hey now..."

He hushes you and you feel his hand come to your hair, gently petting your head, trying to make you feel more comfortable.

"Talk to me Princess...what's goin' on?"

You swallow and look up at him as your tears fall down your face.

"How can you love someone like me Arthur? Someone who looks like me, who...who's disgusting?"

Arthur looks back at you with a facial expression that you can only describe as...offended.

"The hell are you talkin' about woman?"

"How can you love me, when I look like this?"

"Y/N, what on earth do you mean?"

You huff and stand, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out of the bed. You drag him down the hall and into the bathroom. You flip the light switch on and look directly into the mirror.

"Look at me."

You mumble.

"Look at the way I'm shaped, the way my body looks. I'm not skinny, I'm not flat. I'm uneven, lumpy...disgusting. Why are you still here? Why haven't you left me and found someone who deserves you? Why are you still with me, when I'm nothing?"

Arthur's brow furrows and a frown covers his face as he looks in the mirror at your form. He turns and grabs your shoulders, forcing you too look at him.

"Y/N, what the fuck did you just say to me?"

"Why are you still here?"

"Because I wanna be! Cause I love ya damnit! I never wanna hear you talk about yourself like that ever again. Never."

"I'm telling the truth!"

"The hell if you are."

His expression goes soft and he cups your face in his large palm.

"Y/N, you're absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous, a god damn treasure for me to behold everytime I see ya...I don't give a damn about the TV shows and the movies, or the magazines, flat stomachs ain't all that. I couldn't give two shits about whether or not someone has a flat stomach. In fact I PREFER, that you're bigger."

You look to the ground, avoiding his gaze.

"Darlin' look at me, I'm not small neither, ain't fit, I got a gut on me myself, but you're still around, why would I be any different?"

He was right. He's a large man, wide shouldered, barrel chested, and a bit of the stomach that hangs over his belt, but it suited him. Fit him well. He was strong too, as much as he would deny it, he was. His biceps were about the size of your head.

"Because...you look...normal."

You mumble.

"You look good, it fits good, you're big and strong, and I'm...just big. Fat, and flabby."

"No. Don't you dare call yourself fat."

You frown as you look at him, and then he slides his arms around your waist, turns you towards the mirror and stands behind you.

"I want you to see what I see in this mirror."

He pauses.

"I see my beautiful girlfriend, who, even with tears in her eyes manages to blow me away. She's soft, and welcoming, and absolutely adorable, I ain't never once looked at her and thought she was ugly, or unlovable, in fact the first time I laid eyes on her I felt like I was in love."

You swallow, looking at his face in the reflection.

"I see my girlfriend, who's got the sexiest hips I've ever seen anywhere. I see my beautiful woman, who's the sweetest, kindest, and most lovely person I've ever come across."

"I see the person I love, and the person I want to come home to everyday. The woman I'm HOPING, to marry someday, hoping to spend the rest of my life with, if she lets me."

You stay silent and tears seem to only get worse.

"Darlin' I love you. With all my heart."

He states, his voice quiet in your ear.

"I love how you look, how you sound, who ya are, everythin' about you makes me happy. I like that you're a bigger girl. I don't want you to be skinny. There's more for me to hold the way you are now, and I ain't gotta be gentle with you, I don't have to worry I'm gonna hurt you."

He leans in and kisses your shoulder, then your neck.

"Ain't never once cared about you bein' skinny, and I don't want you to be. I kiss that stomach o' yours everytime we're intimate. You know that. I love it, and I love you."

"I just...Arthur I...I hate me. I hate the way I look, I hate-"

"Darlin' you're breakin' my heart."

You turn and face him, looking up at him.

His eyes seem tired, almost broken as he looks back at you, sad.

"I love you."

He murmurs, bringing a hand to your chin to tilt your head up.

"I ain't goin' nowhere, even if you think I should, I ain't. I'm stickin' by you. What kinda man would I be if I let the best woman I've ever met slip outta my fingers?"

You simply hug him tightly, feeling his arms wrap around you as your head hits his chest.

"I love you Princess."

"I love you Arthur."

He sighs and rests his chin on your head.

"What started all this anyhow?"

"I wanted to take a shower and...I...you know I saw myself naked."

"Sweetheart, I promise you, seein' you naked is my favorite part of anyday if I'm given the chance to see it."

You can't help but laugh a little, and wipe your eyes.

"You still need a shower?"

You give a nod.

"I'll join you, if you want. I need one myself, covered in oil and grease, and god knows what else."

"Will you please? I think I'll feel better with you there. I won't focus on how I look so much."

"Anythin' for ya Princess." He kisses your forehead, pushing some of your hair out of the way. "Stay here, I'll go back to your room and get you some pj's. You finally got all my stuff put into whatever drawer it is you wanted it in right?"

"Yeah, left side, the top two drawers."

"Alright, I'll grab our clothes and I'll be right back. Why don't you start the shower and grab the towels for us, okay?"

He leaves and heads back to your room, and you feel a bit better, more hopeful. Your chest is lighter, so is your head, and you even smile as you turn the shower on.

He was a wonderful man. He deserved the world, and you'd gladly give it to him, given the chance.

You find two towels easily and place them on the counter before you strip down and get into the shower, pulling the curtain shut.

The water is hot, but not hot enough to burn, and you again smile as the water hits your skin.

You hear the sound of the door opening and Arthur drops off the clothes on the counter. You listen as he shimmies out of his clothes and then you hear the curtain open from the other end.

He comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing his body to yours, offering a kiss to your bare shoulder.

"See...this ain't so bad."

"It's not bad when you're here."

He chuckles and it rumbles through you, just as it rumbles through him.

"You are beautiful, inside and out."

He whispers, kissing your cheek.

"I'm gonna have you admitting it, I will. I ain't gonna let you sit here and hate yourself. I can't do that."

"Good luck on that Hon."

"I will get you to say it."

He states, this time it's firm, less playful.

"I ain't gonna let you sit here and say all these awful things about yourself anymore."

He kisses your neck again, this time there's a difference in the way his lips feel against your skin.

It's more...possessive, marking.

"Arthur..."

"If ya won't believe my words maybe I can prove it to ya...if you're alright with that..."

You think for a moment, but it doesn't take long for you to decide.

You nod, and twist your head to kiss him on the cheek.

"You sure?"

You nod again.

"Yes Arthur. I'm sure. I want this."

He nods and again kisses your neck, again it's bruising, you know the skin there will be a purple hue.

His hands travel over the skin of your stomach, gentle, loving. His thumbs move back and forth against the skin there, hoping to reassure you.

His hands travel lower, caressing your thighs as he kisses your shoulders, mumbling under his breath about how much he loves you.

His right hand finds it's way towards your heat, he's gentle, two fingers slipping past your folds as he murmurs in your ear.

Your heart speeds as you feel the familiar stretch of his fingers.

"Arthur..."

"You deserve to feel good Princess..."

He kisses your cheek again, fingers curling within you. You feel his hardness against your rear, it's obvious it doesn't take much when he's with you.

The showerhead rains down on the two of you, adding to the sensation.

Arthur's fingers never stop moving, moving gently, slowly. He's in no rush. In fact he's doing his utmost to take all the time in the world with you.

He rocks his hips against you, just barely. Trying to help himself as he helps you.

It's sweet, in a way.

It's a long while before his hand even dares reach for your clit, and when it does, he seems to know exactly what to do, exactly how fast or slow to move, what direction to move.

He's been with you long enough to know.

That too is sweet.

You can't help but mumble his name over and over again as he continues with his way, a smile on his face as he moves his hips against you, his hand in tandem.

It feels like forever passes before you finally come upon your climax, quietly moaning out his name as you lean your head back against his shoulder.

It's slow, but it's just as good as it would have been otherwise.

He never stops kissing you, or telling you how he loves you.

He's more than what you could have asked for,

#rdr2 #arthur morgan #rdr2 community #arthur morgan x reader #milk delivery #red dead redemption 2

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