#the more time i spend with Gale the more I cant get over how fucking funny he is

[chromatic-r]

i started thinking about how funny it is again that Gale seems to scold and to some extent even talk to everyone like a cat. Which given his background is the funniest choice for Tim Downie and Gale's writer to show that this man has made deranged his social skills through self-imposed isolation

[johnslittlespoon]

ok okokk i may be pushing it but i just cant stop picturing barry circa 2012 with leaving!bucky. i just feel like theyd have the cutest dynamic ever. he gives art student vibes like maybe hes studying film or literature. theyre childhood bestfriends and maybe they were eachother's homoerotic-codependent-friendship canon event. UGHH theyd be so cute stfuu. and maybe bucky and gale are already established and curt is just yearning for a whileee like over a year of slow burn until the three of them are a throuple... idk i just miss curtbuckbucky. you dont have to change your canon for the long fic i just needed to share this idea lmfao

au post | NO ur not pushing it this is such fun world building teehee <33 genuinely this is gonna help me later for drafting! (FUCK MY LIFE HOW IS THIS 2K WORDS. i thought i only had a few thoughts... i was so wrong. my bad chief. enjoy/suffer ig)

ok so this is so funny because i've actually been thinking ab how sweet those two would be together, cute little nerdy besties, and how they'd meet because of course curt has to be in this fic!!

and the first thing my mind went to was the cliche homoerotic codependent friendship trope too LMAO. i'm feeling like maybe they meet on the first day of highschool; neither of them share their english class with any friends, and they end up sat next to each other, and john keeps side–eyeing him because curt looks... interesting. (ie: deep into his emo phase. the fringe. the smudged eyeshadow. chipped black nail polish, band shirts– all things john does not let him live down as they grow up.)

but his eyes settle on some pin on curt's jacket that has some character from his favourite movie or something, and the yap jumps out, john can't control it. blurts out a "you like ___ too?!" and curt's head snaps over and he nods nervously and john takes one look at those big sad charcoal–ringed blue puppy eyes and is like yup. this is the one. will protect with my life.

(tiny headcanon that rly won't have a big effect on plot or anything, but i feel like it just fits very well with john/his character in leaving– dude's got madddd undiagnosed adhd. he's written off as a loud mouth/troublemaker in his childhood, but he wants to be a good kid, his mind is just always going too fast and sitting still is torture and his parents get frustrated and don't look into the root of the problem, trying to discipline it out of him instead. i will heal my inner child by healing him alright)

they're attached at the hip from that moment on and it makes sense to no one because they seem like complete opposites, curt more inclined towards the arts and bookish things and his friends are all the same, whereas john is more inclined towards athletics and science and hangs around that type of crowd as well. but they both love video games and movies and music and they bond over never really feeling like they fit in anywhere particular and both groups of friends get along just fine when they all get together. <3

but yk time goes on, they learn things about themselves as they grow up, and curt and john are so close and spend so much time together that they're already a lot closer than regular friends– they just don't realize it. they think nothing of cuddling up on the couch watching movies together, or sharing a bed when john stays over at curt's place after he gets into a fight with his parents, or being much more interested in spending time together than pursuing girls.

and curt's pretty– john nearly mistakes him for a girl that first day they meet. the summer before their senior year, john practically spends the whole summer at curt's house, and curt's mom doesn't mind; she works long hours and is glad her son isn't spending the summer moping around indoors alone, and she loves john and gets the feeling that her home is a sanctuary for him. one day they're in the backyard lazing around, and they get onto the topic of first kisses, and neither of them have had a proper relationship outside of those classic week–long middleschool flings that don't actually mean anything, so there's not much to talk about.

but being dumb teenage boys, they start worrying about "what if we're really bad at kissing and no girls wanna go with us to senior prom this year" etc. and one of them pops the suggestion of practicing together, and thus begins a summer of sweet stolen kisses and hand holding and experimenting and dancing around calling it something. it ends when the summer does because they realize that they both work better as friends, but they're as close as ever and both definitely learn they aren't straight (and they probably make a cute pact– "if we aren't in love by the time we're thirty, we'll just marry each other.")

i don't see them really doing much together because they're young and shy and inexperienced, but it's enough for john to decide that yeah, he definitely likes guys too, but that's all that really amounts to (until he meets gale) because he's growing up in a small town in wisconsin and it's not the easiest/most accepting place to find other queers. john probably ends up dating a real sweet girl during his last year of highschool, but she's going away for college and john's going to a local one so it ends amicably at the end of summer, both of them staying close friends. (if we wanna get sickeningly wholesome, maybe she ends up pining for a girl while john's pining for gale and they share their little stories and give each other advice and facetime every week to catch up <3)

(++ curt ends up falling head over heels for ken, who he meets through john when curt and john's friend groups get together for movie nights or summer parties. john pretends to be annoyed at how lovesick they are when they first start crushing, but he ends up matchmaking and being the one to push them to confess their feelings after graduation because he loves his friends.)

BUT THEN, leaving this fic's 'canon' to elaborate on the throuple stuff you said! i miss curtbuckbucky too </3

in a separate universe, curt doesn't end up with ken, and as much as he loves his friendship with john and agrees that a relationship wouldn't have worked at that time in their lives, he spends that first year of college pining. when john starts talking about some guy named gale during their second year, he's a little sad, but mostly protective, because "what do you MEAN he's in his 30s??" and "he's a BIKER?"

but john eventually introduces him to gale after a few months of telling curt about him, probably once he and gale actually start seeing each other, and curt immediately gets it. and then he's in double–hell because not only is he a bit (a lot) in love with his best friend, but he's blushing every time said best friend's new bf talks to him, and they're gonna notice eventually if they haven't already and he feels so guilty.

more yearning ensues and john is dense and doesn't realize but gale picks up on it, maybe even notices john doing a bit of pining of his own that john's not fully aware of. and his heart twists because his mind goes to his own insecurities about how john should be seeing someone his own age, so he sits john down and opens up a conversation about it. john is adamant that he's very, very happy with gale, but he tells gale about his and curt's past and admits that he has always still had feelings for him, but insists that it's not something he'd ever pursue, that he values curt's friendship more.

gale throws him off by saying he wouldn't mind if john wanted to explore those feelings, and at first john gets anxious gale is calling things off with the two of them and this is his way of softening the blow, but gale reassures him that's not the case, that he's very happy with their relationship. he just encourages that if he wants to talk to curt and feel things out, he wouldn't be opposed to john and curt seeing each other as well– gale's often busy, after all, so it would be nice for john to have someone else, as long as curt's comfortable with that kind of arrangement and as long as john keeps gale in the loop.

they decide to kinda just feel it out as they go, but soon enough gale starts coming home from work every so often to find the two of them curled up on his couch together, sweet and innocent. curt's wary at first, always slightly detaching himself from john when gale's around, but gale is always friendly and doesn't change up his routine, settling on the couch at john's other side like it's not a big deal at all, wanting to show curt he's welcome there, not wanting john to feel guilty.

it's another scenario where lines just sorta start to blur over time, curt spending a lot of time over at gale's house, and gale sees the way curt looks at him, probably noticed it from the first time they met but chalked it up to nerves at the time. curt's an angel and he's grown quite fond of him, but he doesn't want to overstep, so he leaves it up to curt, thinking maybe the boy will mention it to john one day and john will in turn come to gale to talk about it.

and eventually that happens, just like gale thought it might. curt's just gone home and john's head is in his lap on the couch while they watch tv, and john asks "what do you think about curt?" and gale tells him that he's sweet and he loves how much john smiles when he's around him, the usual. "so you like him?" john pushes, and gale immediately has a feeling where this conversation is going, drags his eyes away from the tv to look down at john.

says "of course" easily, and lets john take his time forming his thoughts. john ends up telling him that he and curt were fooling around earlier while gale was at work (and god help gale for the images that puts in his head) and that he'd made some offhand comment about how curt better hurry up if he doesn't want gale to come home and catch him half naked on their couch. and john's all shy when he says "and curt, uh. y'know. that... did it for him" with a vague gesture LOL. gale never fails to find it amusing how certain things can fluster john to talk about after all they've done together.

"so, anyway. i asked him about it after, if it was a coincidence, and he was real shy about it, but he did admit after a whole lot of apologizing that he likes you." gale listens to him nervously get his words out, petting his hair encouragingly, waits for him to be done before he asks "how do you feel about that?" only to watch the flush return when john mumbles "it's hot."

this is getting sooo long i need to take away my own typing privileges, but basically that's how things would start between the three of them– john and gale agree that gale will let himself be a bit flirty with curt and see how curt takes it. obviously this goes a little too well when curt gets hot and bothered sat between john and gale during a movie night with john's hand on his knee and gale's arm resting on the couch behind him while he plays with curt's hair.

the movie is forgotten when gale's finger catches on a tangled curl and curt doesn't bite back the little whine that slips out in time and john's head snaps over and he mumbles a "fuck" when he realizes what's happened, and his lack of filter comes out to play when he turns to curt and asks "curt, can gale kiss you?" and curt turns to gale with big doll eyes and nods.

john ends up palming himself over his shorts as he watches gale coax curt into his lap, face hot and pupils blown as he gets to see both his guys make out in front of him, almost dizzy seeing curt get so shy and needy and pliant because when it's just the two of them, he and curt are both very balanced in their dynamic. they've been such close friends for so long that not much gets the other truly shy like that, and they're always quick to voice their wants and crack jokes while fooling around and all. so to see curt get so flustered in that way with gale has him lightheaded, and by the time they all collapse into gale's bed at the end of the night, john's convinced this is the best decision he's ever made.

there's a lot of pining on curt's end because for a while it's kinda just sex when it's the three of them, and he loves it but he also finds himself wanting more but feeling too scared to voice it because he feels like he's intruding. but eventually they all get their shit sorted out; curt fits into their relationship just right in a way gale and john never intended or expected, and gale falls for curt just as much as john has and curt does the same with gale.

gale's got two sweet things glued to his side now and man, do they ever give him a run for his money, and if he'd thought john had too much energy (and stamina) it's nothing compared to keeping up with both of them, but he wouldn't have it any other way. <3

throuple things won't be happening in the actual fic, but i do love the idea of exploring the dynamic the three of them might have in a spin–off of that au so this was rly fun thx :-) maybe i'll write a pwp oneshot set in that universe as an excuse to write more curtbuckbucky once the fic is done LOL we'll see!

[conspiraships]

🌹 SRY I CANT THINK OF A F/O

🌹 - Beauty and the Beast AU

was originally gonna write Gale/Andy but then i remembered stupit bitch Krycek exists and that’s what’s gonna happen. ill write Gale/Andy l8r … but for now… Mercy/Krycek … this is rlly long … oopsie (4,962 words)

“there’s a monster in the woods, Alex” his mother used to say. “it lurks, waiting for disobedient little boys who won’t go to bed on time”

“like, it’s just sitting in the woods, waiting?”

“oh for fucks sake, Alex. just go to bed please. im begging you.”

“i want milk”

“fine”

of course no one believes the stories about the monster in the woods. it’s just because their town is surrounded by thick, tight woods with very few paths in and out of it. but there’s nothing but wolves, moose, wild animals living there. it’s dark, deep, unwelcoming, but there’s no monsters.

and even when his mother went missing when he was 13, Alexei Krycek refused to believe it was anything like a monster. her horse went missing too, and he knew for a fact that it meant the wolves got them. (that didn’t ease the hurt. his mother was gone, and he was only 13. he didn’t know how to live without her at 13. but it wasnt a monster in the woods who took her from him.)

he still doesnt believe in monsters even when the Man Who Smokes Too Much takes him in, and the Man Who Smokes Too Much’s eldest son is absolutely CONVINCED that there ARE monsters in the woods who WILL come for everyone in the town unless they’re all very kind to nature.

Alex finds a reprieve in Jeffrey, the youngest Spender son. they grow close, and when the Man Who Smokes Too Much dies, Jeffrey and Alex are the ones who start to find work while Fox spends his time buried in books, studying, and reading about the mind and mythical

“Jeffrey you can’t go now,” Fox says one day. they’re all well into their twenties and Fox can’t hold a job he likes because everyone knows him as the boy with his nose in his books, the boy who used to leave out picnic baskets for the Monsters even though there was a food shortage.

“Fox.” Jeffrey and Alex say it in the same tone and Fox grins at them both but he sobers up when Jeffrey keeps packing. “i have to go,” Jeffrey says. “if i dont, we could lose the house. and out of all of us, Fox, you need this house the most”

“Jeffrey … there have been several cases of missing persons between us and-”

“if they arent traveling right, they are going to attract wolves,” Alex says. “we learned that from your father.”

“i’m still pretty sure the monster in the woods took him,” Fox says disdainfully

“grow up,” says Jeffrey. “you want me to bring back anything specific from the city?”

“actually,” Fox says before Alex can say anything, “remember those roses he brought us…”

“the day your mother died?” Jeffrey and Fox exchange a sad smile and Alex is reminded that he doesnt fit in with them. hes not part of them. he’s not a Spender or a Mulder. he’s a Krycek. his father never smoked more than enough for three people and his mother used to tell him fairy tales that would make Fox explode with happiness.

Jeffrey leaves, and Fox goes back to psychoanalyzing everyone in the town and keeping up with as many detective cases as he can. Alex works.

Alex works, and works, and works until Jeffrey doesn’t come home. it’s not the monster, he tells himself as he packs up supplies to go search for Jeffrey (or, more realistically, his body and his horse probably half eaten by wolves). the monster was a bedtime story for everyone in the town. (Fox disagreed, and gave him a spray bottle of something that smelled of lemon and onions to ‘keep the monster away’)

Alex takes his horse to go look for Jeffrey. halfway between Foxhunt and the city, he finds Jeffrey’s horse with her reins snagged on a tree. she makes a break for it as soon as Alex sets her free, but he has hope. maybe Jeffrey is alive after all. he follows a small broken path next to the tree he found Jeffrey’s horse trapped on, but the deeper into the woods he goes, the darker and colder it gets.

wolves howl. but he knows its wolves, and not monsters.

“God dammit Fox,” Alex snarls, directing his horse down the path, toward the wolf howls.

when he breaks into a clearing, his lips are blue. but in the clearing is… not a house, but a mansion. it’s not even close to being a castle, but it’s too large to be a simple house. no lights are on but the door is open. if anything, it’s a place to warm up if it’s abandoned

(it’s not. and Alex hates himself for a while after he walks in there. he finds Jeffrey, gets him out, but gets knocked out before he can join Jeffrey. he hates himself when he wakes up in a room lushly decorated. silk curtains, a thick plush carpet, soft cotton sheets and an ornate comforter. he hates himself for enjoying the rest for once, not having to share a room with Jeffrey, sleeping on a twin bed that’s too old and uncomfortable. he hates himself)

Mercy is irritated.

not one, but two people have invaded their home in the last 48 hours. they let the first one, Jeffrey, go. but Alex? he actually came into their house. he didn’t rob their garden, that they can forgive. they’re roses. their mother loved roses, and their mother probably would have forgiven someone for taking her roses after a few days. but Alex… Alexei… he walked into their home without permission. they don’t like that very much at all.

“you should really let him go…”

“Monica,” Mercy warns.

“it’s going a bit far,” says Monica. “maybe just… i dont know, make him pay you or something? but locking him up?”

“i gave him Mom’s room. the door doesn’t lock, so he’s not exactly a prisoner.”

“if he feels like one, it’s the same thing,” John points out.

“I hate both of you please get the fuck out of my living room.”

they don’t raise their voice, but the cutting glare they send them and the way they bare their teeth, fangs glinting in the firelight, send John and Monica from the room. Mercy pretends they can’t hear their whispering and heads upstairs to deal with their… Guest

he screams when they walk in, and Mercy can’t help but look over themself. they hven’t looked in a mirror in years (Monica covered them up long ago) but Monica brushes their hair. and their fur. and makes them take baths regularly. but they are wearing some of John’s clothing. maybe that’s what’s alarming.

“what the FUCK are you?!” Alex shouts, putting the bed between the two of them.

wow. wow. just wow. so Mercy grins, baring their teeth. their fangs, prominent and long, make Alex recoil. “I’m the Monster in the Woods,” they say with a dangerous growl. “and you have trespassed onto my property.”

(they hate themself for taking pride in the fear and disbelief that seem to cross his face. he recoils further, and he can’t look at them for days. he doesn’t leave their mother’s room, and John tells them that he eats only the bread and drinks only the water they give him. they hate themself for loving the power they have over people. and they hate the disappointed look Monica gives them whenever they revel in frightening him)

“Monster.”

“I have a name, darling.”

“I’m leaving, Monster. and if I never come back, it would be too soon.”

“cute that you think you can escape me.”

(he doesn’t leave. they’re human enough that sometimes he’s not scared of them, but there are times where their fur stands on end and their hair swirls in the air around them and their eyes take on a terrifying yellow color and their fangs seem to grow, and Alex Krycek cannot move past them when that happens. and they always seem to stake out the door whenever he wants to leave)

(”Mercy,” Monica says in disappointment.

“he’s not free yet. he doesn’t know how violated he made me feel.”

“maybe you like having him around,” Monica offers, flinching when Mercy’s hair starts to swirl around them and their eyes turn yellow.

“why would i enjoy the presence of a human, Monica? why would i keep him around? let him stay? he is being punished.”

“your mother was a human.”

“and humans killed her. and now i am this.”

Monica can’t argue that.)

“Doggett,” begins Alex as John sets down a tray of food. “why do you stay here?”

John looks surprised, and sits on the bed beside Alex. “Eat,” he orders. “Mercy is…”

“Mercy?” Alex asks sharply.

“the Monster. Their name is Mercy. they are… lonely. we stay because we love them. and Monica and i know deep loneliness. when we found Mercy, they were halfway between human and beast, curled up in the rose garden. we were drawn off the trails by their sobs. they lost their mother when they were very young to hunters who mistook their foraging mother for some kind of animal.” Alex looks stricken, but John continues speaking. “Mercy … attacked him, as best we can figure. they didn’t kill them, but the hunters went back to their town with injuries.”

Alex dips his bread in his soup and asks, “why are they a monster now?”

“if you didn’t believe in monsters, Alex, i don’t know if you will believe they were cursed.” Alex snorts. “exactly. but one of the hunters had married a witch who cursed them. she cursed them to become the beast the hunters thought their mother was, and to be the beast they seemed to attack like.”

“a curse,” Alex repeats in disbelief.

John shrugs and stands from the bed. “believe it or not, but you cannot deny the face of the beast that keeps you from leaving, Krycek.”

“you have a rose garden.” it’s a statement, not a question, and Mercy laughs aloud, their eyes bright with amusement.

“do i?” they tease.

“i want to see it.”

“and i want my home to return to a private dwelling with no trespassers.” they return their gaze to her book. “we can’t have what we want, Krycek.” they’re not going to show the man who only calls them ‘monster’ and not their name their most sacred spot. he doesnt deserve it if he cant acknowledge them.

“show me the rose garden, Mercy.”

they stand behind him stiffly, and he notes that they don’t look at the roses. their gaze is firmly toward the sky. Alex could make a break for it, but the roses…

for a … monster who won’t look at the roses, they are tended to quite well.

“why is this bush missing roses?” he asks. a shudder runs through him at their disgusted scoff.

“perhaps you should have asked why i was being so cruel to Jeffrey.”

“actually,” Fox says before Alex can say anything, “remember those roses he brought us…”

“the day your mother died?” Jeffrey and Fox exchange a sad smile

“ah.”

Alex ran his fingers over the stems that were missing roses. was Fox’s mother worth this? his mother … Mercy’s mother… perhaps they both were, in their ways. if Alex’s mother had loved roses, he would understand the sacrifice Jeffrey was making for his brother.

“they’ll grow back.” Alex flinches at the sudden proximity of Mercy’s voice. to his credit, he doesnt hiss when one of the rose thorns snags his palm but he does grimace at the blood. “let me see.” his body tenses when Mercy’s … hand… definitely a hand, even though they are covered in fur like a wolf with claws to boot, comes up behind his to hold his fingers open.

“it’s a cut,” he says flatly.

“come inside. we’ll get it cleaned up and wrapped.”

“you will do that for me?”

“please. I’m not a monster.”

he may keep the cut open longer than strictly healthy. but Mercy’s hands that look so monstrous bandage him so gentle and their eyes glow yellow in concentration, their tongue sticking out of their not-quite-mouth-not-quite-muzzle in a way that Alex wouldn’t call… cute, but it’s cute.

they tell him stories of their childhood after re-wrapping his hand. they speak with a fond sadness that Alex knows all too well. he lost his mother when he was young as well, and he has something of a found family too.

Mercy tells him how their mother taught them about plants, for survival, for food, and just for knowing.they tell him how their mother took them into the forest to help her forage and how once they encountered an elk so tall they thought he was a monster at first, and how he stared at them with eyes too wise, knowing they wouldn’t hurt him.

he learns about the constellations from them. they tell him how their mother showed them the stars, and that night Mercy takes him to the roof of the mansion and shows him the stars the way their mother did.

they show him some of the techniques their mother had for woodworking and they build a small bird house together.

when Alex’s hand is healed and no longer needs bandaged, Alex tells them about his own mother. they snort derisively over his mother’s stories of the monster in the woods (but for different reasons), but Mercy is enthralled with his mother’s other stories. Alex tells them which herbs his mother favored in her cooking, and how much he misses that. he tells them how he used to brush her hair and how she would run her fingers through his and sing him to sleep.

they both remember their mothers with a fond sadness.

and Alex no longer fears them, because he knows she isn’t the monster in the woods.

“come with me.”

“excuse me?”

“did i stutter, Krycek?” Mercy demands. he tenses, ready for their fur to stand on end or their hair to swirl around them but it doesn’t. they just look… impatient. not mad, just impatient. Alex heaves a great sigh and climbs out of his bed. he wasn’t doing anything, but having them treat him like a dog can become grating.

“where are we going?” he asks when they lead him from the room. they don’t answer, but lead him through the mansion to a room he’d never been to before. (in all fairness he’d never been to many rooms in the mansion.)

“here” Mercy says with a smirk. they push open both of the double doors dramatically and Alex rolls his eyes, stepping into the room after them. “it’s … it was mine and my mother’s. she was an avid book collector. so… was i.”

Alex stills as he looks around the room. it’s not as massive as a public library or a rich prince’s personal library might be, but there are several floor-to-ceiling shelves stocked with books. crammed is a more accurate descriptor. its… amazing. Fox would be jealous, and thats all the motivation Alex needs to approach the nearest bookshelf.

“you can come here whenever you want. i…” Mercy hesitates when Alex looks away from the shelves and to them. “i understand that it’s quite boring here. i… would let you go but because it’s winter… i don’t want you getting hurt on the road.”

a sneer crosses Alex’s face. “its not like i have anything to get back on.”

Mercy’s fingers twitch and whatever openness they’d shown him vanished, a darkness settling in their eyes and a scowl spreading over their not-quite-muzzle. “John has been taking care of your horse in the stables. when the snow melts, i’ll have John and Monica pack you supplies and send you off.”

“…wait. what?” Alex tracks them as they walk over to a bookshelf and piles a few books in their arms.

“you can leave when the weather is better. John and Monica will take care of you.” they give Alex a cruel look. “you don’t have to deal with a monster anymore.”

they leave while Alex is still processing what they said

(when he asks after them, John and Monica can only shrug. not even they’ve seen the monster… Mercy. they’re eating. John tells Alex that they take the meals they leave for them, but they don’t leave their room as far as they can tell.)

Alex spends most of his time in the library. Mercy’s collection isn’t as big as the town’s library, but it’s incredibly diverse, and he’s only found about ten books that overlap with what he’s already read.

he’s so involved in studying psychology books that Fox would salivate over that he doesn’t realize the time or that he’s exhausted. but he wakes up with a pillow instead of a book under his head an a thick blanket wrapped around him, his books off to the side with clear bookmarks.

John and Monica swear up and down that they didn’t go into the library after Monica took his dishes from dinner away.

(Alex thinks the blanket might smell like Mercy, but he doesn’t know what smells like them and what just smells like the house.)

he sees them once before the snow melts, and it’s from the library window that looks out over part of the rose garden. some of the roses started dying, but Alex was no botanist, so he wouldn’t be able to offer to help Mercy even if they were speaking to him.

Mercy stood in knee high snow, no coat but seemingly unfazed by the cold. their head was bowed as they held a rose in their hands. the bush was completely empty except for the one Mercy stood over so reverently. Alex watched them until they moved away from the rose, leaving it swaying in the wind.

the day the snow melts, Alex pretends to be asleep all day. he listens as John and Monica discuss what else he’d need as they packed up his few belongings (mainly borrowed clothes from John he insisted he didn’t need anyway).

Mercy didn’t come through at all. the next day, it rained and Alex used it as an excuse not to go. he went out and brushed his horse but didn’t leave.

the third day after the snow melted, Jeffrey shows up with Fox in tow.

they pound on Mercy’s front door, but they don’t show their face. Jeffrey yells at Monica and John, and Fox asks an absurd amount of questions that his host’s family can’t keep up with.

“Jeffrey said there is a monster,” Fox says when he sees Alex. Alex clutches his pack tightly, the psychology book he’d stowed away pressing into his stomach.

“it was enormous,” Jeffrey agrees. “with fangs like a wolf’s… claws! not quite a muzzle but not a human nose either! covered head to toe in fur!”

Alex snorts. “it’s not like you, Jeffrey,” he says. “to buy into Fox’s shit.”

“it’s not shit,” Fox snaps.

“and you know i’m right,” Jeffrey spits. “i saw it when i left this place. you’ve been here all winter, and you’re telling me you haven’t seen it?”

John shifts, a scowl on his face. Monica’s expression is carefully blank but three months in their company taught Alex how to spot how Monica felt. and she is angry. (had she been so angry when Alex first met them? he didn’t know.)

“ive only seen these two.” Alex gestures to the humans next to him and raises a brow when Jeffrey opens his mouth to argue. “why would i lie about something like this? if there was a monster, i would have seen it by now. but i’ve only seen people.”

he misses the dubious looks John and Monica exchange, but doesn’t miss the looks Fox and Jeffrey exchange. any further pushing gets the same results from Alex. a willing silence, secretive and cold.

“he protected you”

“he still left.”

“but he didn’t let those men try to hurt you.”

“he still left.”

“Mercy.”

“he left! he’s gone and he’s not coming back. get out! get out get out get out get out get out!”

“Alex, come inside. you’ll catch cold.”

“that’s fine.”

“you’ve been out here since dinner. Fox and i are worried about you. you come out here every goddamn night, ever since we came back. Alex, what the hell is going on?”

Alex points at the sky and traces his finger along a particular path. “Corona Borealis,” he says.

“what the ever loving hell are you talking about, Krycek?”

“it’s a constellation, Spender. created when, after Dionysus fell in love with Ariadne, Ariadne threw her wedding crown into the sky. the jewels of the crown are said to be the stars of Corona Borealis.”

Jeffrey scowled at him. “you sound like Fox.”

“leave me alone, Jeffrey.”

mid spring, about a month after the snow melted, a caravan comes through, absolutely demolished. they claim to have been assaulted by a monster in the woods.

with an ‘I-Told-You-So�� expression on his face, Jeffrey uses this as an opportunity to prove that he was right and arranges a hunting party to find and kill this monster in the woods.

Alex can’t deny it when he sees the wagon destroyed and several people injured, one person even missing an arm. there is a monster in the woods, and he thinks he knows who it is.

(he’s unaware of Fox following him when he sneaks out that night, somehow oblivious to the second set of horse hoof beats an horse snuffling)

“Alex Krycek,” greets John when he opens the door to cease Alex’s pounding.

“where are they?” Alex demands. John sighs, but doesn’t try to play dumb.

“in the rose garden.”

Alex storms out of the mansion, still oblivious to Fox entering the clearing. he doesn’t see Fox and John speaking, too focused on finding Mercy. the monster.

he believes the caravan and her people when he sees Mercy watering their roses. the not-muzzle has elongated into a full and proper muzzle and their lower half has become wolf-like. an impossibly terrifying bipedal wolf-human beast, watering roses.

“why?” he spits at them.

they still, ears that have grown to a furry point twitching at his voice. 

“the roses need watered,” they say, not looking at him.

“that’s not what i’m talking about and you know it!”

this time they do look at him. their eyes are still human. still brown. Alex can remember the kind concentration when they bandaged his hand. remembers the sadness when they spoke of their mother. the excitement sharing the stars and the earth with him.

“my darling,” they say, voice thick with some unidentifiable emotion but dripping sarcastic sweetness, “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”

suddenly, words threaten to spill out that Alex bites back like bile. ‘why can’t i forget what you smell like? why can’t i forget how your hands felt around mine? why can’t i forget how warm it was to sit next to you? or how your eyes lit up when you looked at the stars? why can’t i forget the sweet sound of your voice? or how you sound when you sing? why can’t i forget how i hurt you that day in the library? why can’t i forget you?’

Mercy stops watering and cocks a hand on their hip.

“Krycek,” they snap.

“Why did you attack all of those people?” he shouts suddenly, unbidden. a bird shrieks and takes flight from one of the bushes. Mercy’s eyes widen and he watches them flicker as they take in his question.

then they laugh. throws their head back and laughs until it becomes a series of barks and they’re hunched in half to catch their breath.

“i’ve attacked people before,” they say when they can breathe again. “but that was years ago. when i found the men who killed my mother. i haven’t harmed anyone since.”

not physically, Alex wants to yell, his heart aching an racing in his chest. “a caravan came through this forest. they were utterly demolished. explain that, monster.”

their eyes harden and turn yellow as they stare at him. their hair begins to swirl around them. their lips curl and their fangs are bared.

“i have never harmed an innocent person,” Mercy, the Monster in the Woods, snarls at him. their watering can falls from their grip and they advance on Alexei Krycek who seems frozen in place. “i have harmed, my dearest Krycek, but only once, and for revenge. for my mother.” they stop mere inches from him and lean in, arms holding him still. “how dare you accuse me of this heinous act, when you know what i’ve been through. who do you think you are? get the fuck off of my property and never come back.”

he’s released with a shove, only saved from falling when Fox catches him. Fox…

“they’re beautiful,” Fox whispers to him as he helps Alex stand. Mercy’s ears twitch but they don’t look back at them, instead picking up their watering can and resuming the watering process. “is she telling the truth?”

Alex Krycek swallows. “yes,” he says, barely audible.

Fox releases him and steps forward. “what’s your name?” he asks Mercy. they snort.

“they call me the Monster.” their voice drips with bitter hatred, and Alex flinches.

“but you must have a name?” Fox presses. they don’t answer. “Alex believes you. but that means someone or something else in this forest attacked that caravan. and until we can figure out who it was… everyone will think it was you.”

“only three people outside of my home know i exist,” Mercy snips.

“And Jeffrey Spender is leading a hunting party to put you down.”

both Fox and Alex flinch when the watering can handle shatters in Mercy’s grip.

“when?”

“before sunset,” Alex supplies.

Mercy flies into a frenzy. they rush to the mansion and starts packing up everything. Alex, Fox, John, an Monica trail behind them as they tear through the mansion. the last thing they do before they speak to them is seal the library.

“take John and Monica far from here,” Mercy says to Fox, handing John and Monica the two bags they’d been packing.

“what?!” exclaims Monica, dropping the bag to grasp Mercy’s arm. they don’t look away from Fox, and Alex has to clamp down on the envy he feels.

“do you understand me?” they snarl. “get them to safety.” only when Fox nods do they look away. with gentle hands, Mercy puts the bag back in Monica’s hand. “go with them.”

“no!” protests Monica.

“please,” Mercy whispers. “please go with them. you can’t be caught in this. i can’t let you die. Monica… please go.”

“and leave you to die on your own?” demands John.

Mercy bares their teeth in what Alex thinks is supposed to be a grin. “A fitting death for a violent monster.”

they’re alone. the sun is low in the sky, nearly set, and Mercy is alone. if Jeffrey is going to kill them, this is how it should be. they find themself in the rose garden, standing before the bush with only one rose.

“i’ll see you soon, Mother,” they say to the rose, dropping to their knees before the bush. they bow their head.

John and Monica have each other. they’ll be alright without them. they might be in pain, but they’ll make it through.

Mercy once thought that when they died, no one would be left alive to mourn them. and only six months ago they were sure that John and Monica would be the only ones to mourn them. and a day ago they thought Alex hated them. four hours ago they thought he hated them. and now they know they’re leaving behind three people to mourn them.

“i’m so sorry,” they say, digging their claws into the dirt. they squeeze their eyes shut and tears leak out into their fur. they don’t move when they hear hoof beats. they won’t give the hunting party the satisfaction of killing a beast. they’ll have to kill Mercy as Mercy pays respects to their mother and mourns for those in their life.

he can’t be too late. please don’t be too late. please please please please please.

his heartbeat pounds in his ears an his legs are trembling with how tightly he’s squeezing his horse. his knuckles are bleached white and his fingers are cold as he grips the reins.

he can’t be too late. he can’t be too late.

he’ll never forgive himself if he’s too late to keep Jeffrey away from them. he’ll never forgive himself if he’s too late to tell them. to save them. to be near them one more time, even if they can’t forgive him for the things he’s said.

his horse bursts into the clearing of Mercy’s home but Alex doesn’t slow to a walk. they sprint across the yard, alert for any other sounds. he hears nothing and his horse whips around the side of the house. Alex pulls the reins and jumps down before he even comes to a full stop.

“mercy?” he gasps out, stumbling into the garden.

“why are you here?”

he faces them sharply.

“well?” Mercy bites, glaring up at him from their place on the ground.

Alex stares at them for a few long, silent moments.

“i will not leave you alone. i will not let you die for a crime you did not commit.” he drops to his knees beside them and presses his forehead against their shoulder. “i won’t let you be alone.”

Mercy’s tense, he can feel it. their words come out even more tense than he’d imagined. “monsters deserve to be alone.”

“then,” Alex Krycek says to Mercy, the monster in the woods, the creature, the person he loves, “it’s a good thing you’re not a monster.”

[ladyspaceradio]

Fire and Glass

Ao3 link:

Gaarul was regretting joining the resistance.

The weeks of spending in the sunless place as a new recruit had been worse than the backend of a fiend. He had hoped that when he signed up it would be Aya where he was deployed. A foolish thing now that he thinks about it. A hopeful thought that only a pup would have. He was young for recruit standards but far from a pup.

Now he feared this abominable planet would be his grave. He’d never see his sisters or brothers again. His mothers and fathers would grieve his passing. And Ehnal...

Ehnal .

Skin a lush green like the plants of the hidden paradise of Aya, heart as bright as the stars themselves. Ehnal was his Taoshay . His culum mea . He had recognized her scent the moment he met her. They were made of the same light. Both had known they were meant to be.

Ehnal would never accept him if he was dead!

A sob worked the way to the back of his throat as he huddled deeper into the snow. Around him guns fired, his team yelled orders at one another hoping they wouldn’t be the next corpse sprawled across the ice in this forgotten wasteland.

Garrul hadn’t meant for his life to end like this. He had plans. They both did.

Ehnal wanted to do something for their people. Gaarul wanted to make her proud. So here he was weeping behind the crash wreckage of an angara ship, being yelled at the a superior officer to skkuting shoot. Ovulaa didn’t even care he had a hole in his arm.

Gaarul bemoaned as he started rocking against the twisted metal frame that had once been an angara supply shuttle. The dead eyes of the pilots still stared hauntingly at him from the left.

They had been sent to check the crash site of this shuttle. He had a bad feeling from the start, even told the lead of the mission this. But she had told him, none to kindly, that he needed to stop bellyaching. But he knew.

He skkutting knew!

It had been a kett ambush.

He was going to die. Gaarul knew this, voiced it rather loudly to Ovulaa who had hissed at him to shut up and shoot.

“Stop whining pup and get your gun.” Ovulaa snapped as she ducked again.

“I’m shot!” He cried.

“It’s a scratch!” She roared back.

But there was so much blood, the warm substance covered his hands. It made gripping his gun hard.

Gaarul wept harder.

“We are all going to die here.” He whimpered.

“Skkutting shut up!” Ovulaa yelled as she laid down the cover fire before ducking behind some warped metal from the crashed ship.

“Do you hear that?” Gaarul asked as he clutched his arm to starve off the bleeding. Head canted to the side, he listened intently to the odd thundering racket coming from above.

There was a surrounding ‘Da-da, da-da, da-da’ noise that grew stronger as each second ticked by. The angara glanced at one another before looking up at the sky, wondering if the kett had reinforcements coming. Though the steadily growing noise did not sound like any engine they knew.

Gaarul opened his mouth to voice his concerns when he heard the strangled singing in an odd dialect he had never heard before.

‘I’m on the highway to hell, on the highway too-.’

A chrome black vehicle dropped from the hill above them, landing on the Anointed that had been leading a flanking. The strong ‘Da-da, da-da’ noise came from the strangely shaped craft as it jolted forward hitting the Chosen it had missed in its downwards descent.

Shots rang out, hitting a kinetic barrier of the black rover, as it came to a halt. Bright red lights appeared on the flank followed by squealing noise as the tires tracked against the ice. It shot back, hitting the Destined that was hiding amongst the thick blue smog. There was a warbled scream as it flew off the cliff. The chrome colored vehicle then shot forward, into a tailspin wiping out the rest of the kett as they scrambled away from the vehicle.

Between the thumping, the strangled cries getting crushed beneath six wheel drive, the sound of breaking bones, the strange alien song could still be heard over it all.

‘No stop signs, speed limit, Nobody's gonna slow me down’

The black transport finally stopped just in front of where the angara huddled. The sounds coming from the machine suddenly disappeared as the door to the side slid open with a hiss.

A strange armored head poked out for a brief moment before holding its hand out in a fist with its thumb pointed skyward.

“Good job!” The alien hollard while it sounded like someone was laughing behind it. “Shut it Liam, you're freaking them out.”

“I don’t think it’s me Ryder.” Another voice emerged from the inside, though Gaarul couldn’t see who was speaking.

“Eh,” The alien shrugged before looking back at the group of angara staring at it. Lifting it’s hand, five fingers spread wide and palm out, the alien waved the limb back and forth. “Have a nice day!”

And then it was gone, disappearing back into its ride where the door hid its strange body from view and the sound picked back up, louder than before. The tires squealed as the vehicle drove off the side of the cliff, the same path it hit the Destined earlier.

In the silence the wind blew through the valley as five angara stood, staring into the distant snow capped mountains not really understanding how they came out of the ambush alive.

“What just happened?”

And that’s how Garrul encountered the Pathfinder.

“Liam! Your turn is over!”

“That’s not fair!” The male huffed crossing his arms as he slid to the side as the Nomad cantered left. “My song got turn off in the middle, at the good part to.”

“You can replay it when your turn comes back.” Grace squinted past the storm as the nomad rocked. She had honestly not seen the cliff before. It had been a lucky break for some angara.

“Bull.” Liam blew a raspberry as Peebee went through her selection, picking some seductive asari song that she claimed had turian subvocals in the background to enrich the experience.

“This is lame.” Liam flopped against the seat like a five year old.

“I didn’t complain when you played your trashy human music.”  Peebee sneered.

Grace’s eye twitched, she had just about reached her limit on the bitching from the backseat.

“I will turn this Nomad around!” Grace snapped as she slammed on the breaks.

Jaal, who had been asleep for the duration of the drive, even missing Ryder’s killing spree with the Nomad, snorted before resuming his loud vibrating snores.

“Yes please.” Peebee whined. “I can’t take being in the car any longer with that.” She pointed a accusing finger at Jaal who unknowingly started the music shuffle to cover up the deep pitched breathing.

“And I’m cold.” Liam added.

I’m going to kill someone.

Had Grace mentioned how much she hated Voeld?

The monoliths turned out to be the easiest things in Voeld. At least that is what Grace had first assumed when they activated the first one. The puzzle had been simple to figure out, the glyphs were in easy spots to access, and there had been no kett or remnant. Ryder had thought her luck was changing.

She was wrong.

The second one turned out to be a bloody nightmare. Starting with a kett ambush that ended up draining all her lifesupport, making Grace all the more grouchier as she stomped over kett bodies to enter the cave ahead, where worse horrors awaited.

Apparently Monolith caves make a great fiend nest.

Being slammed into an ice wall had not been on her agenda after getting hit by the backlash of an explosion. Ryders whole body ached from the experience. She just knew her whole torso was just one massive bruise. Plus she was freezing, literally.

The puzzle had been a complex torture device and the glyphs had been located outside the cave on a fucking hillside.

To say Grace loathed the planet would be a understatement.

By the time they finished with the monolith night was descending, which brought on a blizzard from hell. Ryder however was determined to reach the third lift before the day was done. Despite her companions worry they pushed forward into the storm.

This turned out to be another mistake on Ryders part. To avoid the loss of the Nomads life support system, and unable to double back to the resistance base or Techiix, the ground team had to take shelter in the third cave. Grace honestly had been lucky to even reach the cave before the storm got really bad. From the sounds of the raging gales they had barely beat the worst of the storm.

After destroying all the remnant, everyone spread across the space. She had switched out Liam with Cora, since he was bellyaching like an asari dancer, and took Drack since the old man was complaining about not coming. Why he wanted out to be in this freezing hell was beyond her. They booth seemed hunkered down near one another, while Jaal drifted around the corners of her peripheral again.

Grace was ignoring him.

They hadn’t talked since the first slave base. Not after he lectured her in front of her god damn team.

“Is it out?” Graced asked as she probed her shoulder. It seemed the fire hadn’t breached her wetsuit so the seals were all still in place.

“Ya it’s out.” Peebee grinned as she tossed her snowball a Liam who had been hovering at the edges of their little group.

“Hey!” He wiped the snow from his helmet before bending down to grab his own snow.

“No.” Ryder pointed a finger at him. She could almost hear him pouting as the snowy flakes trickled out of his hand back to the ground. “You and Peebee go release the angaran.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Liam straighten instantly going into HUSTL mode.

Snow crunched beneath her boots as she turned to look out amongst the scorched ice. Apparently the heat  from the explosion was enough to push life support back on for a few more minutes. Grace snorted at that.

“Ryder.” Jaal growled as he marched forward looking none too happy.

“What’s wrong?” Grace glanced around, worried there was more kett, or that the angara prisoners were in trouble.

“What you did back there was reckless.” He all but barked as he clutched at his rifle. Massive chest shuddered from his angered exhales as he paced before her.

Grace stiffened as she slowly looked back at the towering male. “Excuse me?”

“Oh shit.” Liam whispered under his breath before Peebee quietly shushed him. Grace ignored them both as she rolled her shoulders, the anger she had been keeping at bay when it came to Jaal hit her like a tidal wave.

“Did you have a tactical reason for throwing that grenade.” He growled stopping to face her completely. Those blue, blue, eyes burned with displeasure and something Grace couldn’t place. Not that she cared at the moment as her lips pulled back in a sneer behind her helmet.

She hadn’t thought the grenade bit through but she sure as hell wasn’t going to say that to him.

“Ya, killing a lot of kett very quickly.” Someone should give her an award for how even her voice sounded, not portraying an ounce of fury she felt.

“It was reckless.” Jaal huffed crossing his arms.

Grace twitched. “I’m sorry,” She hissed stepping closer to the fuchsia colored angaran. “Are you the commander of this team? Because I sure as hell didn’t ask for your damn input on my decisions.”

Jaal sucked in a sharp breath as she moved forward.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do?” She snarled, poking him in his chest. “I don’t give a shit if you don’t like how I run my operations, I get the job done and it doesn’t matter how, So get off my fucking back!”

She was still seething. Who the fuck was he to tell her how to do her job. She got enough of that shit from Cora and Tann, and ‘punch me in the face’ Addison. She didn’t need an alien telling her jack shit.

“Ow Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” Grace hopped in place waving her hand about as the console shocked her yet again.

Stupid fucking sudoku puzzles .

Flexing her hand to bring feeling back to the limb, she gave the console a kick.

“Ryder,” Cora brushed past her shoulders coming to stand to her left. “Why don’t you take a break, get some food.”

“No thanks.” She grumbled pulling up the puzzle again this was her….fuck she didn’t know how many times she had been zapped, her fingers were starting to feel like they were missing their tips.

“It might do you some good.” Cora persuaded. She knew something was off with Ryder. How she avoided looking at the angara who was constantly staring at her with a worried frown. The angara in question was in fact pacing behind the duo at the moment shooting Ryder’s back sad looks.

Cora was starting to wish she talked to Liam before they switched out.

Sighing Grace turned looking at the woman hovering. “What kind of food?”

“I got a packet of Lexi’s-.”

“Nope,” Grace made a face, turning back to the console. “I’m good, rather get zapped then eat that.”

Cora pursed her lips. It wasn’t as if she could disagree, the protein packets were disgusting.

“Alright,” She hesitated. “You should rest though, we can do the puzzle in the morning.”

“Oh-kay Number One.” Grace grinned as she tapped her fingers against the edge of the remnant machine. “I’ll take your suggestion into consideration.”

Lip twitching, Cora shook her head as she retreated. “You are terrible.”

“Yup,” Grace turned back to the console, the smile dropping off her face. Turbulent waters still churned in her stomach. Anger and hurt still lurked behind all the fronts she put up. Grace curled her hands into fist. Why did it bother her that he said it? She wasn’t even close to Jaal. Couldn’t even make heads or tails if he hated her. Yet the warmth of his words from the resistance base still lingered. The pit of anger grew the more she pondered.

Then it clicked. It wasn’t him she was mad at, it was her. She was mad that she would never be good enough. Never had been for her father, never would be for Tann, never ever for Addison. And now she would never be for an alien she was responsible for making a good impression with. She was always going to be lacking in some area.

She was Grace ‘the never good enough’ Ryder

“Fuuuuck!” Grace grunted before yelping at the console as it shocked her again.

“Seriously, fuck you remnant. You sadistic bastards.” She just knew they were laughing at her beyond their cold graves.

“Ryder, I believe Ms. Harper had the right idea, taking a break will improve brain functions and lower stress. ” SAM said. Grace wondered briefly if the jolts of shock hurt him before she dismissed the idea. He wasn’t exactly a living being with nerve endings and pain receptors.

“I don’t want to take a break.” Grace pouted, tucking her hands into her armpits. At this point she might have burned off the nerve endings. “It leaves me too much time to think, and thinking is never good.”

“Perhaps then talking with your team will help.” Grace lifted her brow as she stared down at the odd symbols spread across the console.

“You telling me without telling me I should speak to Jaal, SAM?”

SAM was quiet for a moment before answering. “That may have been my intent.”

“We should work on your subtlety.” She sighed before turning away from the shock machine.

Perhaps it was time to take a break, eat something, and maybe-

Unwilling Grace’s eyes fell upon the lone angara sitting and fiddling with his Omni-tool hybrid. Mere hours after Jaal had been on her ship, Suvi contacted her asking if she was allowed to give the new member an omni-tool. Grace hadn’t seen in harm in it and it had been fascinating to see the ever evolving tool.

Ryder closed her eyes against the burning feeling of shame that rolled in her gut. He hadn’t been wrong, perhaps he should have talked to her in private, but Grace had taken it way too far. She still has his sad look printed upon her retina when he tried talking to her again, after the freed angara had left, but Grace had blown him off.

“Jaal.” Grace croaked before she even considered what she was going to say.

To by herself some time she chose to slide down the wall across from him as she chewed the inside of her cheek. Big oceans stared back at her when she finally got the courage to look.

“I’m sorry.” She blurted, writhing her fingers together. “I should not have acted that way toward you.” Grace swallowed as she struggled with the proper words. “I get a little testy when people question my actions and I-I fucked up.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept staring.

Grace made a distressed sound as her mouth opened spilling forth words she really wanted to keep to herself. “I didn’t have a plan, with the grenade. I mean I did, the killing kett fast part was true, and I didn’t realize that I was in the blast radius until after it was thrown. I understand what you said, I mean it was stupid and if I went back to redo it I would do it because I’m an idiot.” She sucked a breath and held it, hoping that her damn mouth would shut up.

Just a fuck up anyway’s, he’ll find out one way or another.

Still he didn’t say anything.

I should go.

Ryder shifted to stand when he finally spoke.

“You are not an idiot Ryder.” Jaal gave a pleasant hum as she settled back against the wall. “You are a formidable fighter. It is exhilarating watching you fly across the battlefield with such confidence.”

Grace gave a sigh of relief, knowing that at least she had a little bit of dignity in his eyes at least.

“What you did though,” Jaal continued. “was reckless.”

“I know.” She mumbled.

“I was worried about you….when you hit the ice you didn’t move…” He’s voice cracked with emotions and Ryder was taken back by the honesty coming off of him.

Grace had heard the platitudes before. Cora often played the ‘you done fucked up/I’m worried about you’ routine. With Jaal though he was talking to her , not the pathfinder but Grace Ryder. She could feel his hurt and his worry. He wasn’t saying these things about her status, but her health. Hell he looked ready to cry on her behalf seconds ago.

Swallowing Grace gave him a slight nod. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

His lips pursed as if he was considering her sincerity before he smiled. It was an expression she hadn’t seen before on his face. “You are forgiven Ryder. I accept your apology.”

And he meant it, she knew he did.

“I won’t be changing you know.” Grace gave him a tentative smile. “I will probably always be reckless.”

To her surprise he laughed. “Mmm yes I don’t think you will, luckily I’m a better shot at long range.” Grace felt she should be insulted at his playful candor, but found herself smiling instead.

“I’ll keep you safe Ryder.” He promised suddenly, looking very intense at her eyes as if he was urging her to believe him.

She had to look away, too embarrassed to keep looking at him when he said such things with his earnest expression. “I’m a big girl,” She tried grasping some womanly pride, but found herself lacking as she spoke in a hushed whisper. “I can take care of myself.”

Something akin to sadness flashed in his eyes as he watched her struggling with accepting the help he offered. “You don’t always have to. I’m here and so is the rest of your crew.”

Grace blinked, swallowing back the little emotion she had buried she’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel...wanted? Safe? Cared for?

Instead of thanking him, Ryder opened her mouth and blurted.

“You won’t always be here.” Grace pressed her fingers together before separating them as she glanced at him then her hands before going back. Jaal didn’t say anything just continued to stare at her.

“No,” He finally conceded. “After the Moshae is rescued Evfra will more than likely have me reassigned.” His tone sounded odd.

Grace bit her lip as she nodded watching him, even though he wasn’t looking at her anymore. In fact he was digging for something in his leg pocket. Slowly he pulled a tube like container from the pouch.

Toothpaste?

“What’s that?” She inquired.

“Food, we process everything into paste. Easier to care, fast to eat, and it has everything our bodies require.” Jaal ticked off the facts as he twist the cap off before placing the opening into his mouth.

Huh . Grace wondered if they tasted any better then the craptastic bars Lexi kept forcing upon her. Though she would never want to live off paste for the rest of her life. Even if it tasted like genuine prime steak.

The silence that descended upon the pair was thick. There was still so many things left hanging between them. Unspoken inquires, misunderstanding and a silence that Grace couldn’t overcome.

What did the angara think when he looked at her? Did he even like her?

Grace threaded her fingers together as the frustration of not knowing bubbled within her. And like a wandering mind a little niggling memory came flooding across her thoughts.

“The best way to get to an answer is to cut straight to the truth.” Alec lectured as Nebula shifted his feet uncomfortably as his own father, who really wasn’t a father, was giving him dating advice. “Like when you shoot a gun, the quickest way to hit the heart is to shoot true.” Alec nodded to himself like it made perfect sense.

“Just ask her out.” Alec slapped his shoulder, knocking the fifteen year old nearly off his feet. “Be a man.”

Be a man, words so often uttered to Nebula.

Alec didn’t say much more before he left the pair to their own devices as they had been doing before he dropped into the conversation. He did that time to time, like Alec suddenly realized he had kids that he hadn’t spoken to in months.

“Why does he have to butt in?” Grace growled.

“He’s right,” Nebs fidgeted. “I should just ask her.”

Grace blinked before smiling, she prayed everything went well, that for once someone took time to know her brother like she does. To look past the timid exterior to find the humorous caring man within.

She didn’t say yes.

Despite the fact that it hurt thinking about her old life, a place she couldn’t return. Or that the memory wasn’t even a good one, it did provide an answer. While the uppity asari hadn’t said yes, Nebula was happy to move on, broken heart and all. He told her he was glad to know, even if it hurt.

‘Just ask’ A voice that sounded far too much like her brothers nudged.

“Jaal.” Grace hesitated as she looked across at the angara who had been happily sucking down his paste.

Don’t pussy foot, just say it!

“Do you hate me?” There she said it! For better or worse she now was airing the things that had been kept too long.

The angara made a choking sound that worried Grace for a moment before he lowered the tube of food and studied her with a frown.

“No.” He finally said.

“Oh.” Grace looked down at her hands before glancing back up at him. She should have felt relieved, now however she was more confused about his behavior. “Have I done something to insult you?”

“No,” Jaal hesitated, shifting his legs. One bent upwards so he could drape an arm on it as he looked more intently at her. “I am sorry if my actions have led you to believe this. You have done nothing to warrant my distaste, and if you have tried to insult me I have not noticed.”

“No, I haven’t.” She did want to airlock him after he called her pathetic when she explained the inner workings of the human eye, but she didn’t out right jide him.

Jaal nodded. “You are….inspiring.” His voice had taken on a reverence tone “You carry the weight of many and instead of shutting down you drive forward. It is intimidating to be in your presence.”

“So you….respect me?” Grace gaped at him, not quite grasping what he was implying.

Fucking Lexi had it right. Fuck me.

“Yes, and admire you.” He stopped before adding. “Though you are hard to read at times.”

“Like?” Grace shifted against the wall, trying to get comfortable. Her hair was making it awkward as it pressed into her scalp.

“Like I can not tell if you are flaunting your title or making jokes at others expense. You come off arrogant and reckless.” Jaal frowned his hand clenching and unclenching. “I come from a family that has great expectations and when I see you I…”

“You're reminded of what is expected.” Grace finishes as she digs her thumb into her thigh. “I get that, I do. My father left big shoes I have to fill.”

Jaal was silent for a second before asking. “Why would you want his shoes?”

Grace laughed. “No, idiom, It means that people expect me to be just like him. To do great things.” Grace blinked as she realized this was the first time she talked about the dead without feeling a pang of regret and guilt.

Taking a deep breath, Grace reached up and released her hair from its confinement. The blue waves fell around her shoulders.

“What I’m trying to say Jaal is, I understand. And I am sorry if I made you feel inferior to what you are.” She paused before tagging on. “You are a great soldier and everyone can take their expectations and fuck off, you are who you are. So do things your own way.”

“You are amazing.” He said this with an awed tone, like she just told him she had eradicated all the kett and his people were coming home.

Grace blushed. “Maybe a little.”

“You downplay my sincerity?” Jaal shifted his eyes scanning her face she hoped wasn’t noticeably red.

Blame the cold if he asks .

“Not good at taking compliments.” Ryder corrected as she probbed her armor thigh. “I don’t get many of those. Insults and threats daily, compliments are hard to come by.”

“Then I will endeavor to praise you more.” He seemed eager to do this.

Grace, on the other hand was horrified. “No no it’s fine, I don’t need false flattery.”

Now he looked horrified. “Why would I lie to you? Is that something humans do? Give others false praise?”

“Sometimes, if they want something.” Grace fiddled with her hair. “But it’s me personally, I’m unuse to getting compliments.”

“Then you have been deprived.” Jaal declares as he places his forgotten paste on the floor. “I will show you the proper way to take a compliment.”

She wanted to say no, but he was so eager and earnest, like a dog, and she found herself nodding before she could think about it.

“Ryder,” Jaal leaned forward his voice washed over her like a warm tingling wave. For a moment she thought he was perhaps touching her. “You are an amazing woman.”

Opening her mouth to answer, Jaal shook his head. “Now close your eyes.”

“Why?”

There was a perturbed look that made her laugh before she conceded, shutting her eyes.

With her eyes closed the sounds around her heighten. In the distance she can hear Drack and Cora talk in low tones, battle strategies, differences between huntresses and krogan. Then she could hear the faint sound of Jaal shifting in front of her. His armor scraping against the ice as he exhales in a steady rhythm. Suddenly her skin was being awashed in the faint hum that came from angara. Stronger than before, the warm tingles that brushed past her armor to wash over her skin bringing forth a pleasant pulse that wormed its way between her ribs.

“Ryder,” Jaal’s voice hummed across her nerves, sending the pulse a fluttering, engulfing her in a warmth she hadn’t felt since her mother died.

Cherished, loved .

“You are an amazing woman.” He emphasizes each word, and the warmth hums along with his baritone voice before slipping away completely. Grace misses it instantly. The feeling was like being wrapped in a large fuzzy blanket on a cold day before someone snatched it away, leaving her too exposed, yearning to take it back..

Eyes fluttering open, Grace found herself staring back at Jaal with parted lips and flushed cheeks.

“Thank you.” She whispers. Her fingers now twisting pieces of hair between them as she tries not to squirm.

“You are welcome.” Jaal smiled again looking extremely proud.

Grace swallowed, dropping her gaze down to look at her lap instead of that all to handsome smile. Seeing his expression, the gentle curve of his lips, eyes bright with emotions, her heart did a funny little flip before stuttering. In a split second Grace found herself terrified at this reaction. She wasn’t stupid enough to ignore the lingering warmth in her chest and what it meant. But it damn well wasn’t welcome.

I don’t need this!

She had crushes before that went nowhere. Had a lover that went terribly wrong. Fell in and out of liking various people, but none of them had ever really seen Grace, looking more at Alec’s daughter Ryder. It became all to clear that the Ryder reputation eclipsed Grace. She became less of a person and more of an objective. And when the Ryders name fell to disgrace so did all the ‘interested’ parties whom Grace had once called friends.

Before she left the Milky-way Grace had decisively decided dating just wasn’t for her. It was just safer that way. She wouldn’t have to ever experience the disappointment of affections lost, of getting her hopes up only to have them dashed against the rocks again and again. Her heart was already a fragile thing: grieving the loss of her family. She didn’t need to add more devastatingly tragic romantic adventures to it.

“Ryder,” Jaal’s hesitant voice pulled her back to the present.

Looking up she expected to see him staring, wondering what she was thinking about. And while he was looking in her direction, he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes tracked along Grace’s face, but not exactly meeting her eyes. To her greater surprise though he was fidgeting. Like the day she found him outside the cryobay, twisting the blue fabric between his fingers.

“Yes?” She asked expectantly. What had gotten the angara so ansty?

Jaal fidgeted beneath her gaze,he opened his mouth closed it before opening it again. “Can I,” Again he tampered off.

It brought a smile to her lips to see him flustered for once. Usually she was the one who couldn’t string together two words in his presence.

“Go on Big Guy, I won’t get mad again.” She flashed her teeth at him in a wide smile. “I’m too tired to anyways.”

This seemed to give him courage as he straightened a bit.

“I don’t mean to offend, but may I touch your,” He waved his hand to something above her head. “Tuff.”

“My tuff?” Grace blinked confused before it clicked.

He wants to touch my hair!

Grace laughed. A deep belly, tears forming, I just snorted, laugh.

“Yes,” She chortled. “Yes you can touch my hair.”

Jaal perked up all to quickly as he scooted across the ice to sit in front of her. Or more like trap her between his ridiculously long legs.

Uh?

Grace held her breath eying the limb and wondering if his kick was as deadly as a kangaroos since they kinda reminded her of the anim-

“Oh.” She snorted as he tugged on a blue strand. His eyes flickered back and forth between her face, watching her amused expression, to the hair curling around his gloved fingers. Chuffing, something Grace was starting to realized either meant amusement or annoyance, Jaal sat back pulling his hand from her hair.

Confused, Grace prepared to ask him if he was done when he lifted the gloved hand to his mouth.

He pinched the black material between his teeth before tugging it off. Grace noticed while his lips were peeled back that he did have sharp canines.

Hereditary trait? Carnivores?

The trail of thoughts ended rather abruptly when the pinkish white pads of his hands caught her eye.

Holy shit he’s got cat hands!

Grace eyed his fingertips and palms with delight before switching to look at the webbed joints, her study was cut short though when his hand developed deeper into her hair, bunching it.

“Very soft. Do you feel anything?” He inquired.

Grace had to run the question over in her mind a few times since her focus kept diverting to the fact that he was so close. He had effectively trapped her against the ice wall, and while her entire attention was on this fact, he was far more interested in the little strands caught between his fingertips.

“No.” She shifted moving backwards to allow more room between them. She was suddenly very warm. “They don’t have nerve endings but if you touch my scalp I’ll feel it.” She decided to skip the anatomy lesson since the last one went wrong.

Immediately his hands moved up touching her scalp.

If Grace wanted to tell him more about the tendrils he played with the words were lost in the sensation of his pads gently running across her head. Gathering all the cyan strands and petting them softly, he made pleased noises. The electricity he excluded bounced with a hum in a gentle current the pressed against her skin in a manner that made Grace blush.

Shivering Grace uttered a mewling noise when his trimmed nails rubbed across her scalp. She hadn’t realized she made any sound till Jaal shifted in front of her.

Jaal paused, extracting his hands too quickly for her taste. “Have I hurt you?”

“Nope.” Grace pressed her fingers to her cheek, trying to starve off the blush. “Just cold.”

Jaal pulled back his hands completely leaving her hair to reach for the clasps of his Rofjin . Unlatched the material . He pulled the cloth from his shoulders and  wrapped it around hers. The  heady scent of his spicy lotion filled her nostrils as he tucked the fabric around her frame. Grace resisted the urge to bury her nose into the blue cloth as she stared wide eyed at the male.

“There,” Jaal’s husky voice held a deep rumble as he ran his fingers absently through her hair again. “Better?”

“Ya.” Grace squeaked as she kept her head down, sure that her face was a noticeable red. When she felt a gentle tug from his handling, Grace looked up quickly, she really didn’t want bald spot.

“Mn-don’t tug-.” Words tampers off as she stared at the male before her.

He was lifting a strand, pressing his nose to it while watching her. His irises were swallowed by the pupil leaving only a sliver of blue around the circumference.

Grace felt the all too familiar fluttering in her stomach as her breath hitch.

Holy shit!

Jaal dragged the strands across his lips before letting them slip from his fingers.

“Good night Ryder.” His rapsy voice dropped an octave as it rumbled deep in his chest. He sounded like a big cat purring in contentment.

Grace gaped at him as a shiver shot up her spine while her stomach muscles tighten. She pressed her legs together as a long forgotten feeling fluttered there.

Moving faster than she expected, Jaal stood on his feet and strided to the other side of the cavern, his hands flexed at his side. Grace watched him before dropping her face to her hands and released a shaky breath.

Fuuuuuck

She was in trouble. Her rebellious heart it would seem hadn’t learned its lesson. Pressing her lips together, Grace determinedly shoved the annoying attraction back behind its proverbial locked door to deal with later.

There was something about the angara that drew her. Grace delighted in uncovering mysteries, it’s what drew her to the prothean research. One of the galaxies biggest mysteries, and she thirst for uncovering the lost answers. But it was different with Jaal. He was a living breathing person, whose secrets might do her more damage the more she uncovered.

Absently she rubbed her cheek against the soft fabric wrapped around her as she sagged against the wall. Ryder rolled her head to the side, looking towards the person approaching her. Pulling on a small smile she straightened as the old Krogan stomped towards her.

“You hungry kid?” Drack asked.

“Sure, what do you got?”

“The protein packets Lexi packed.”

Grace wrinkled her nose at that. Tasted like salarian bread, which is terrible. Bland and packed full of nutrition the body needs.

“Ya I thought you might hate that.” Drack grunted as he flopped next to her, almost knocking her over. “Here.”

Grace looked at the silver white package Drack held out. “What’s this?”

“Dried meat. Taste better that those razan bars. Nothing puts meat on the bones better than meat.” Drack jostled her shoulders. She often listened to him complain that she was ‘too small.’ When dinner came around Drack always let her snatch morsels off his plate and pretend he didn’t notice.  

“You are the best Old man.” Grace tore the package open biting into the savory meat with a moan.

“He’s watching you again.” Drack grumbled beneath his breath. “Male has a complex.”

Grace snorted, she didn’t need to look to know he was speaking about Jaal. “Leave him be, his cultures different from ours.”

“You say this wrapped in his cloak.” Drack pointed out as Grace settled against the Krogan’s shoulder.

“I’m cold.” She says around the mouthful of food.

“You like him.”

“I like all of my crew.”

Drack huffs before growling. “He is not logh .”

“What?” She squinted her eyes, looking up at the old krogan.

“You are a warrior, a leader, he is not Iogh .”

“You parenting me now?” Grace chuckled as she tried fitting the rest of the jerky into her mouth. With food in her stomach she was feeling the overwhelming exhaustion settling in.

“I don’t like him.” Drack grumbled, ignoring the jab. “Too feely. Like the women. Talks too much and too little.”

“Like I said,” Grace yawned as she stretched her legs out in front of her. “He comes from a different culture. He didn’t get the luxury of having a krogan grampa to mentor him in the ways of smashing things.” Her mind was a little fuzzy and she was having trouble focusing on the conversation.

“Back in my day if you wanted to mate-.”

“Whoa, no no! Stop right there.” Grace smacked the krogan’s chest as he laughed, dislodging her from his shoulder. “We aren’t talking about sex.”

“Alright kid. Just be careful.” Drack gruffed.

“M’kay,” She yawned snuggling into his shoulder pad again, it wasn’t comfortable, even with Jaal’s rofjin being used as extra padding, the bits of armor pressed awkwardly against her face. Grace didn’t particularly care. The day had worn on her, so she didn’t fight her drooping lids.

“You’re not even listening to me. It’s okay kid, get some rest, I’ll keep watch.” Drack shifted drawing her closer into his side.

Grace smiled a little, almost saying something about him being a big softy, but exhaustion claimed her quickly. Later she’d wake a little hearing hushed whispers inquires on someone's intent, but sleep would drag her back before her mind can register that Jaal is speaking of some bond. In the morning she will forget the entire conversation and go on forward into the cold dawn to the vault.