#the more i think about it and my prospects

[calwoso]

disappointment part 2

you finally tell your sister and Marta why you’re here

Caro hasn't spoken a word to you the entire ride back from the match. She hasn't so much as glanced at you as you sit sullenly in the back seat as your first couple of attempts at making conversation were shot down by silence. Even Marta doesn't seem willing to chat for once.

When Caro finally pulls into the parking lot and switches off the engine, your hand immediately flies to the door handle, pulling at it impatiently to free yourself. It doesn't budge and you huff in annoyance.

"Child lock, really?" You say snippily at your sister who glances at you once in the rearview mirror.

"We're not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." She tells you plainly, crossing her arms and continuing to face forwards.

You groan dramatically, trying the door once more in vain, "I told you, I just wanted to visit."

Your sister remains silent, staring stubbornly ahead even though you can see the clench of her jaw as she tries not to start the argument again. Getting no joy from her you try her partner who is shifting uneasily in her seat.

"Marta, come on, she's being ridiculous." You half-whine.

Caro's head twitches every so slightly as Marta takes a deep breath and remains quiet.

"You want to get out, you tell me why you're here. And you tell me why Mamma sounded so pissed off on the phone this morning too." Caro repeats herself.

Tipping your head back against the seat you try to out wait your sister. She's always had less patience than you, and maybe if you just shut up and say nothing she'll let you out of the damn car.

It's barely two minutes of silence before Marta says, hesitantly, "Caro, maybe we should just-"

"No." Caro says sharply. "She wants to act like an adult then she can sit there and tell me why she's here."

It's the guilt, you think, of being the cause of Caro snapping at her partner. You like Marta, you never meant to cause such an issue.

"Fine! You want to know why I'm here and why our parents are so furious? It's because I'm not you, Caro. I'm not you, I don't have anything ahead of me to go and achieve." Your voice is too loud for the enclosed space but it only gets louder as you grow more upset. "Because they spent two hours yelling at me yesterday about how I have no prospects, no path forward! How I'm wasting my life and...and how I'll never be you and instead I’m just a disappointment. And I knew you wouldn't get it but I thought at least my sister might have my back in all this."

You hate the way you cry when you get angry.

"And I know I should have called ahead, but I just needed out of there. You don't know what it's like to live under your shadow. But I thought I could go to the one place someone might actually be pleased to see me!" You're sniffling pathetically now, swiping at your cheeks furiously. You feel like a kid again begging your sister not to move away because you'd miss her.

"But I get it now, so open the fucking door so I can get out of here!" You yell.

Caro sits stock still as only the sound of your heavy breathing and sniffling remains. Eventually it's Marta that presses a button on the centre console and you hear the locks disengage. You're out of the car like a shot, slamming the door behind you a little more than perhaps necessary.

You turn and stomp away down the street. You can't help the way your ears strain for the sound of Caro's voice in case she calls out for you. But it doesn't come.

Back in the car, Caro sits rigid. the keys dangle uselessly in the ignition. Marta's hand hovers above her own door handle, caught in two minds about what to do. Her gaze darts between Caro’s frozen profile and the spot where you had disappeared around the corner.

“Amor” she says softly, reaching to brush her partner’s shoulder. “We can’t just let her—”

Caro doesn't say anything but her head nods jerkily and Marta is opening her door and running after you, leaving her partner stuck in the driver's seat.

You haven't gotten too far, but you have managed to cross the road and duck into the park opposite.

"Wait! Please," She calls out to you from across the road, just as you're about to disappear further into the greenery.

You stop at the sound, and Marta doesn't miss the way you seem genuinley shocked she's come after you. The Spaniard isn't sure how long you'll stay still as she bounces on the balls of her feet waiting for the lights to change so she can cross the busy road.

The light to walk flickers on and she jogs across the street and up to you, not giving you a chance before she's sweeping you into a bone crushing hug.

You try not to melt into it. Your family aren't known for being the most outwardly affectionate and you had wondered how your sister had ended up with someone who seems to love so freely.

But it's hard not to give in as Marta runs a hand up and down your back and hugs you closer. Your tears that had barely stopped, start again and you sob like you're a child again.

Marta doesn’t let go until your sobs taper into shaky breaths, your forehead still pressed into her shoulder. When she finally pulls back, she keeps her hands on your arms, studying your face with concern. “Okay, two choices,” she says, “We either go home, or we sit on that bench over there so we can talk properly.”

Going back and facing your sister after having a full blown meltdown in the back of her Cupra does not fill you with joy.

So you collapse onto the sun-warmed wood, and Marta plops down beside you, close enough that her knee knocks against yours. For a moment, she says nothing, just lets the park’s chatter fill the silence. When she finally speaks, her voice softens. “Your parents… they’re wrong, you know.”

You pick at a splinter on the bench. “They’re not entirely wrong. I don’t have a plan. I just, I don’t have a passion, I’m not like Caro, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Marta snorts. “Your sister does not know what she’s going.” She bumps your shoulder. “You think Caro’s got it all figured out? Dios mío, I promise you she doesn’t.”

A laugh hiccups out of you, unexpected. Marta’s grin widens.

“But still, at least she always knew what she wanted. Had something to aim for. I’m just…stuck, with no idea what to do.” You sigh, kicking gently at a loose rock underneath your foot.

Marta hums in quiet agreement. She can’t argue against that, nor can she imagine not knowing or at least having an idea of what you want to do.

She doesn’t really know what to say to you, doesn’t have a way to take away your worries. So she settles on assuaging them as best she can.

“I don’t mean to sound patronising, but you’re young. You have time, despite what others may say. Comparing yourself and being compared to Caroline isn’t fair.” Marta pauses for a beat. “Your life isn’t made in your teen years or even your twenties. Or even your thirties I suppose. I mean, what am I going to do when I retire? I haven’t got a clue!”

You still don’t look wholly convinced which the Spaniard supposes is fair. You’re clearly still hurt and downtrodden from your argument with your parents and feeling raw at the way Caro took your sudden appearance as an intrusion rather than a request for help.

She really needs to have a word with both Norweigans about actually speaking to one another when everyone has had some time to calm down.

“We’ll figure it out. We can brainstorm ideas for what you want to do and you can stay with us for as long as you need.” She assures you.

“Doubt Caro would want you saying that.” You mumble a little pitifully even if your heart warms at the obvious care from your sister’s partner. “It’s hard enough getting her to respond to my texts, she didn’t even tell me you’d moved in together. I know I’m younger than her but she used to always have time for me.”

Your bottom lip wobbles and you bite down on it until it stops.

“I know it’s awful but she was so miserable at Wolfsburg and so she was always calling home and then, then she moved here and met you and it’s like she forgot all about me.” You confess, hastily adding. “I don’t want her to be miserable and I really like you and you clearly make her happy. But I was just left behind and all our parents could see was how little I achieved in comparison to her.”

Marta doesn’t really know what to say to that, a little pit of guilt forming in her stomach as she wonders if she’s taken Caro away from someone who needs her. But you keep talking before she can figure out how to respond.

“Is it so bad for me to just want to be average and not high flying and just live a stupid boring life?” You bury your head in your hands. “I never asked to have a sister who’s a footballer, I never wanted to be one either, so why am I being compared to her?”

“I know,” Marta pulls you against her side. “I know, it’s not fair. You can do whatever you want to do and that can change as much as you want.”

You laugh wetly and with a self deprecating little snort, “I don’t think I’ve cried this much since I was a kid.”

Marta doesn’t think you’ve cried that much at all, really. She reckons she would’ve cried an awful lot more if her parents had said those things to her at 18. It’s easy to forget with you, given your general sunny disposition, but you are very much Caro’s sister and the pair of you clearly both struggle with difficult emotions.

"Let's go home for now." She settles on, tugging you to your feet. "We can deal with everything else later. We have time." She suggests, not really giving you too much time to think about it as she already begins to steer you back the way you came.

You like the sound of having time, though. The idea that maybe you have enough time to figure everything out with Marta's help, if not your sister's, that maybe everyone will back off enough for you to breathe.

It’s silent when you and Marta arrive back to the Spaniard’s home and your heart drops at the idea that your outburst may have scared your sister off from her own home. But there’s a muffled sound from further inside and you frown at Marta before following her through towards the master bedroom.

The door is shut but as you near the sound becomes clearer and you realise it’s your sister’s voice, your sister’s extremely pissed off voice speaking rapidly and agitatedly in Norwegian. It’s Marta’s turn to frown at you, unable to keep up with the language at this speed.

“She’s still practically a child, definitely still a teenager! She’s not supposed to know what to do.” Caro snaps and although you’ve heard and been apart of enough arguments with your sister to know her temper, it still makes you wince. “No, Mamma you’re not listening. How I was at 18 wasn’t normal. She’s a good kid, she’s smart, funny, friendly, everything I wasn’t at that age. She has time. She doesn’t have to figure it all out.”

You swallow thickly as you listen, you had honestly thought you were all cried out but maybe not.

“And to call her a disappointment is unacceptable. Whether you were worried or not about her future or whatever it may be. She’s a good person, her own person, and she’s your daughter.” Caro’s voice despite being loud cracks a little and you hear Marta sniff too and you want to check on her but you’re also rooted to the spot. “She can stay here for a while until you’ve remembered what a wonderful child you have and she can use it as a holiday. Goodbye Mamma.”

There’s silence after that, aside from the sound of the blood rushing in your ears. You don’t think you’ve heard your sister yell at your parents, not out of true anger. And certainly not on your behalf. When another few seconds pass and you still hear nothing from the other side of the door you tentatively knock on the wood.

“Just a minute, amor.” Caro calls back in Spanish.

You can’t help but snort and reply, “Try again, it’s me.”

The door swings open almost immediately afterwards and Caro sighs, relieved, when she lays eyes on you. “Don’t run away like that.” She tells you sternly, the effect somewhat ruined by her own tear tracks.

But she sweeps you into a tight hug before you can point that out. You honestly can’t remember the last time your sister hugged like this. Not since you were much smaller instead of the inch of height difference between you both now.

“You yelled at Mamma.” You say, muffled against her shoulder.

“She was wrong about you, and cruel.” Caro explains as if it’s simple. “You can stay here, and lounge about and enjoy the sun for as long as you want. There’s no rush. At all.” Her arms squeeze tighter around you and you believe every word.

————————————————

might write some little one shots within this universe at some point in the future but for now this is where it ends

[artyphex]

Listen

I do understand the fear of pregnancy and getting pregnant from the prospective of those who do not want kids and are in relationships/having sex with people who could impregnate them in this political climate. I understand the terror of losing your body autonomy and having options that should be your right ripped away from you by people who have nothing to do with you, your life, and your choices. I do not want anyone to ever think I'm telling them they're wrong for feeling that. That is the most rational thing in the world

What I mean when I say "Fear-mongering about pregnancy and birth is wrong" is the people who paint it exclusively as something disgusting. Grotesque. "Body horror." And not a natural process that yes, has risks, some of those risks being very serious, but there are FACTORS that add in to them. And the only way people can find out about those factors is through neutral education that NEEDS to become more wildly available

Because the fact is people, myself included, want to have kids and want to experience being pregnant. If you can't comprehend that, that is a you problem. It is not your civic duty to scare them into no longer wanting it because it is empowering TO YOU.

When I say I want kids and want to experience being pregnant one day and people say "Clearly you've never been pregnant" "Look up the girl with the list" "Did you know your teeth will fall out" "Read regretful parent subreddits first" congrats. You are absolutely no better than the people telling you "You'll want kids when you're older"

My life is not your business. You do not have the right to take one of my biggest dreams from me because it disgusts you. You still do not control my body

When all you do is talk about the horrific things that can go wrong during a birth rather than talk about the realities of it, what's normal and what isn't, etc. That's how you get people who GENUINELY BELIEVE a c-section is safer than vaginal birth in ALL SITUATIONS. When in realities a c-section is usually MUCH more dangerous because it is MAJOR SURGERY that comes with the risks of all other MAJOR SURGERIES. Obviously, in certain situations it is safer, but in others its not. This is what I mean by "neutral education of the risks." People should KNOW EXACTLY what they are putting their bodies through, and you sitting there talking about all the blood and guts isn't the education you think it is.

Treating pregnancy and birth and something disgusting is just misogyny. Treating people, especially women, who want kids as stupid or ignorant is just misogyny. Wrapping your misogyny in leftist "child free by choice" ideology does not make it less misogynistic. Encouraging people to live in constant fear of their own bodies is not the feminist move some of you genuinely seem to believe it is.

And when you've done all this to a point there is a culture where it is totally acceptable to say "Pregnancy is as scary as rabies and if you disagree you don't respect me" is actually insane

[cumaeansibyl]

GIVEAWAY: SUPPORTING REFUGEE RESETTLEMENT IN THE NAME OF SPITE

A college football podcast I enjoy runs a charitable drive every year for New American Pathways, a Georgia refugee resettlement charity one of the hosts used to work for. Since all their listeners are sports fans, they came up with a fun gimmick:

Donate money in the name of your favorite team, to compete with other teams.

Naturally this gets a lot of action! People donate to show fans of their hated rivals that they're the BEST, they donate specific numbers to commemorate notable game scores or player jersey numbers, they talk so much shit, it's fun.

There are also some fictional schools that have developed into their own entities, and this is where my pitch comes in. Because in addition to silly things like Night Ham University and Make Spencer Eat Cheese, we have...

PROTECT TRANS KIDS UNIVERSITY

(art by Matt Souva)

Our beloved PTKU Blue Sharks came in FOURTH PLACE last year, raising $46,626 for refugee resettlement! The grand total was over a million dollars!

Now, of course, New American Pathways has had basically all its federal funding cut, and there's no prospect of its being restored any time soon. And it's more important than ever to show the world that we believe in protecting trans kids.

I know times are tough and apt to get tougher. Which is why I'm adding an incentive.

If you send me a donation receipt (personal info redacted) in the name of Protect Trans Kids University between now and Friday, April 18th at midnight EDT, I will enter you into a drawing for YOUR VERY OWN BLAHAJ THAT I WILL BUY AND SEND TO YOU.

Questions:

Is there an FAQ about what all this is? Yes, it is here.

Do I have to donate to PTKU? Yes, because I want them to beat Michigan this year. Of course you can donate to whatever you want, but I won't enter you into the drawing. I figure like 80% of you have zero sports interest so it should be fine.

What if IKEA US doesn't ship to my location? IKEA shipping is weird. If I can't figure out how to get a shark to you directly, I will send you the appropriate amount of money for you to buy one from an IKEA in your country. You will need to have Venmo, Paypal, or CashApp for this option.

What if I don't want to give you my address? Same thing, we'll work it out. Is there a minimum donation amount? I think the website minimum is a dollar. There is no minimum for the drawing.

When will the drawing take place? Saturday 4/19.

Where should I send the receipt? cumaeansibyl@gmail.com.

Any more questions, send me an ask.

GO FORTH AND DONATE Y'ALL

[fernslivers]

MODERN MIZU THOUGHTS PT. 2

As promised, some more various little headcanons and scenarios for a modern-day Mizu (and everyone else).

Let me know if you want more! I have lots of stuff half-finished.

This one is a little longer! Has some Mizu fucking shit up but also being soft.

Part one has some context, but most of this should make sense without it.

TW: canon-typical violence (Mizu is gonna Mizu)

RINGO

The first time you met him, soon after Mizu moved in, you came home to find this stranger cooking in your kitchen

He greeted you very cheerily, chattering right away about how he was making dinner and there was plenty to share

You thanked him awkwardly. You were…surprised and disappointed to find out Mizu had a boyfriend, given your interest, but hey… you probably didn't have a shot anyway, you tell yourself sadly.

You meet her coming down the hall, and she greets you with the usual stoic grunt-and-nod.

You start to tell her that her boyfriend seems nice, you know, general small talk.

The second the word boyfriend leaves your mouth, her head whips around

“My WHAT”

Ringo’s voice echoes down the hall from the kitchen, “I’m WHAT”

He finds it hilarious, she does not

TAIGEN AND AKEMI

Akemi is an heiress that is 100% planning to go no-contact with her family but is playing their game for now so they'll pay for her degree

Pre-law 100%, this girl could argue/cajole/convince you out of your own name

She's one of those types who can run on the treadmill for hours while looking fab

Fashion icon on campus, but a total girls-girl that loves to give advice and encouragement

Do not party with her, this girl will get you PLASTERED

Hiding her relationship with Taigen from her family, again to keep her degree money coming

Taigen was still Mizu's childhood bully

Picked on the orphan to make himself feel better about his shitty home life

Eiji transferred Mizu out of that school QUICK once he officially could, so she didn't have to deal with him for very long

They lost contact at that point, to Mizu’s relief

He's at the university on an athletics scholarship

Saw Mizu training in the gym

(This is why she needed that yard of yours)

He is the champ of the school team and thought since she wasn't on the team, she must be a rookie

She'd be an easy win, and a way to show off for the gym bunnies

She whooped his ass then and there, naturally, in front of the entire gym

And then nearly switched universities because fuck dealing with him on campus

Thankfully Akemi has him on a bit more of a leash in the modern day and HAS dragged him to therapy

He's still an egotistical asshole, but he's TRYING, OK (-Akemi)

They still bicker horrendously but there is a tiny, tiny bit of mutual respect there

Taigen hasn't stopped trying to drag Mizu onto the school team, so she still tries to avoid him

Mizu privately thinks Akemi needs to get her head checked out

But she does approve of Akemi's effect on him in general

She wasn't thrilled to know that you have shared a few classes with Akemi and are now friends

This means there might be the prospect of more Taigen in her future

Great.

Are you sure you really like Akemi as a friend that much?

JOB COMPLICATIONS

So as I said, due to her possible fathers being involved in organized crime, she has also gotten quite comfortable in those circles

She “works” odd hours, or is sometimes gone for a few days

You aren't about to get nosy. You asked her once what she did for work and she told you it was “nothing interesting” with a very clear drop it expression

Message received

She has been rooming with you for quite a while, long enough for you to call each other friends, when someone, somewhere in the wrong circle gets wind of her home address

You hear a knock at the door one evening while Mizu is out at “work”. Quiet, but insistent.

You aren't expecting anyone...but maybe a surprise visit, or Mizu forgot her keys?

Instead, a very clean, erudite man in a suit says he's here to see The Onryō

What

You make politely confused noises at him, saying he must have the wrong address, and he smiles back at you with cold, dead eyes.

“I know he's here.” His voice is still serene, icy. “It won't take long. If you could go get him, please.”

Ok, you've had enough-

He catches the door before you can slam it, and oh. He's stronger than he looks.

And oh- ... that's a gun.

You back away into the apartment, and he follows, shutting the door behind him.

He continues to threaten and demand, always in a quiet, even tone, as you continue to back away.

You're terrified, of course, because you've never dealt with anything even remotely like this

You keep trying to shout over him that you have no idea who he's looking for

Of course your phone is on the kitchen counter, nowhere nearby, utterly useless

You're again trying to explain, in a shaking tone, that you genuinely have no clue what’s going on when

Running footsteps

The door bursts open with enough force to leave it bouncing off the wall. The man whirls away from you, gun whipping around–

He barely has time to gasp before Mizu is on him.

Can humans even move that fast?

All you see is a flash of metal and

Ssshnk-THUNK

He folds like laundry, crumpling to the floor.

You didn't get a good look at whatever she did to the front of him when he turned, it all happened while you were flinching, but there is a lot of blood starting to stain the carpet around him.

You're frozen, staring at the twitching shape.

“Don't look at him, come on.”

Mizu grabs you and starts to lead you by the shoulders away from him and back down the hallway towards the bedrooms

She's careful only to touch you with her hands so she doesn't get any blood on you.

She's still in get-shit-done mode, but trying not to scare you.

As she's leading you, you start frantically trying to explain what happened, babbling about what he said.

"He kept saying about some guy called The Onryō-"

You feel her fingers tighten on your shoulders, but she says nothing.

You've never seen that look in her eyes before, and you thought you'd seen her at her most stoic.

(Gods above, you could have been killed because of her-)

“Wait– wait, my phone is in the kitchen– Mizu, the police, we gotta call–”

“I'll call."

"But I'll have to explain--"

"I'll take care of it. Just go back where you don't have to see it.”

Sitting on your bed, you can hear her quiet voice on the phone to someone, you assume the police emergency line.

Soon, you can hear the murmurs of multiple male voices.

Ah, the police. They'll probably want your statement…but… you reach for the doorknob and stop.

Something in your gut urges caution, and you ease the door open cautiously, silently, just a crack

… Those definitely aren't police.

Thankfully, the men in dark suits have their backs to you, and only Mizu looks up at the door.

You make eye contact with her and shut the door again very quickly, your mind racing.

Mizu is trying to stay in focus-mode while she deals with the problem, having called in a few favors, but the back of her mind is freaking the fuck out with repressed trauma.

Are you going to hate her now? What if you turn on her like M*k*o?

Her gut cramps at the thought of you seeing her as a monster.

She should just leave but she doesn't want to

Back in the room, Your heart is pounding.

So many dots are suddenly connecting. Should you be worried about this? Are you in danger? Is she going to…

After a while, you hear more doors closing, then… water running?

Mizu, with wet hair and blood-free clothing, knocks, saying the coast is clear.

She's SO nervous, afraid to hear you scream at her to go away

When you don't, she cautiously peers in, still expecting to get something hurled at her head

Strangely enough, you just look relieved to see her. Maybe you're still in shock?

For you, every doubt and worry leaves your mind as soon as you see her.

The man on the floor is gone, leaving only a towel covering the bloodstain.

Mizu says very quickly that she'll take care of that too, that you don't need to deal with anything.

She's still nervous, still waiting for you to call her a monster, or demand answers.

You can tell she’s watching you.

You just nod.

You're a college student that just watched a guy get sliced open with a sword. What do you even say to that?

Should you be scared of her? You're not.

But you're still a bit disturbed by the violence.

When she realizes that you're not going to freak out at her or scream at her to leave, she quietly asks if you need some space?

You shake your head quickly at that. You can still see the gun pointed at you, the man’s unflinching gaze.

You feel much safer with her around.

She's relieved, but tries hard not to show it

She carefully suggests that you both spend time somewhere other than the living room for tonight.

She's uncharacteristically soft with you, for her usual standards, but she's also way out of her depth.

She shoos you off to take a shower even though you're clean, and calls Ringo in a hushed voice while you're in there, demanding advice on how to comfort someone

When you emerge, you’re hustled into your room with some water and easy-to-eat snacks

(She's honestly starving after her job but feels bad eating like it's nothing, like it didn't bother her)

(It didn't)

She gathers some extra blankets and things from her room, then sits quietly on the bed next to you, letting you watch stupid things on her laptop.

You don't think you're going to be able to sleep, but she makes a strangely soothing presence next to you, and you drift off eventually

When you wake up, she's still next to you, awake, and looks exhausted.

The towel is gone and the carpet is clean

She just tells you, very seriously, that nothing like that is ever going to happen again, she'll make sure of it

By the look in her eyes, you believe her

She's jumpy for several days after that, checking the windows regularly and watching you strangely every time you’re on a call

You're jumpy, too, but she doesn't complain when you hover around her almost continually, constantly getting underfoot.

If anything, it seems to calm whatever worries are going on in her head

When she doesn't find herself arrested, or asked to move out, she seems to relax completely

This incident clearly tells her that she can trust you, because suddenly it's like you've passed a sacred gate of trust

Now she's occasionally coming home with a little bit of blood on her

Sometimes she sports some nicks and slices

You never thought you would be googling how to do stitches but what are crushes friends for?

You haven't actually gotten up the courage to ask what's up with all of this, yet. It just seems…unwise.

Not that you're afraid she'll hurt you, weirdly enough,

but despite the danger that you're now aware of, you really don't want her to get spooked and move out.

You don't know this, but she decides not to move out because she fears that more men might still come by, thinking that she still lives there, and clearly ignorance didn't save you this time.

You also don't know this, but this is the threshold where her feelings go from a passing crush that she represses, to something she is actually considering how to safely approach...

She's impressed with how you handled that, as a person who isn't used to violence

She'd never pursue something with someone while they were unaware, but since you know a little now…

(Meanwhile, she doesn't know that, after the shock had worn off, you found the whole thing kind of hot…)

[kisakis-boyfriend]

Can I please get Chongyun with the whole alphabet? (I’m on my hands and knees)

Author's Note: Rise up, soldier, I deliver Chongyun smut upon thee 🫴❄️ — (I sort of broke Chongyun in two halves for some of the sections; his normal self and his hyper, pure Yang self.) (Chongyun is 20+ here also)

For our 3000 follower celebration! (CLOSED NOW)

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Tuckered out and ready for some cuddles. You'll usually need to cool Chongyun down too, even if that means holding an ice pack against his body to bring down his temperature 😅

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I don't think Chongyun would really pay enough attention to have a favorite body part. Not of his own, at least. Of yours, he would probably say that every part of you is his favorite fhalfjdnfls

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

His cum is thick, and it tends to come out in globs that drip down his shaft. It's not translucent at all, really. It almost looks like whipped cream with how white and opaque it is. Due to his cryo vision, I think his cum would be a tad bit cold too?

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He actually really, really likes the taste of your cock. And the feeling of it in his mouth.

Having that heavy length resting on his tongue, tears pricking the corners of his blue eyes while he fidgets with anything to help him remain still, moaning around your cock involuntarily because your precum is the only thing he can taste anymore?? That's enough to turn Chongyun's brain off for a while 🥴

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Net zero experience. A total virgin. Chongyun knows basically nothing about sex, seeing as he had no interest in it throughout his teens and early adulthood. You have to guide this innocent angel through everything.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. May include a visual)

Chongyun enjoys it when you wrap your arms around him, and his back is pressed snuggly against your chest. Doesn't matter if you're standing, sitting, or laying down, that position is the best.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Normal Chongyun: Serious, maybe a little too much, even. He takes everything literally, and freaks out when you joke about fucking him dumb or something along those lines. If you tease about getting him pregnant, he will believe you at face value. 0_0

Hyper Chongyun: A complete goofball, very giggly. He still takes your statements literally, but he's enthusiastic about the prospect of being fucked stupid or getting knocked up.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I believe in Chongyun's ice blue pubes–

He wasn't even aware that people shaved/trimmed down there, so when you first see him, he's unkempt and bushy. Maybe after you explain shaving down there he might start to trim it a little.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Extremely so. Chongyun values intimacy so much, he'll be quite sad if you don't provide the level of intimacy that he thinks is necessary for sex. :(

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Normal Chongyun: Doesn't really bother with it. He finds it embarrassing, even, and would rather have you take care of him.

Hyper Chongyun: Will happily touch himself if you ask him to. If you're already fucking him and you tell him to jack himself off, Chongyun will do so with zero chill (pun intended). He's jerking it so fast, you're afraid he's going to hurt himself.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Temperature play (of course), praise kink, and chastity. If you bring out his pure Yang spirit, you can probably get him addicted to fisting or large insertion as well~

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

The bedroom — very adventurous, I know 😱

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Really any sort of teasing will do the trick. Invading your sweetheart's personal space and backing him against a wall is guaranteed to lead to sex.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Most kinks, to be honest. Knifeplay, weapons in general, blood play, choking, honestly anything that could be dangerous. Public sex is also a no-go for him. Degradation is not usually something he'd want to include in your sexy times either. Usually…

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Highly prefers giving. Again, your cock is his biggest vice, especially when it's in his mouth.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Normally, Chongyun prefers it slow and steady. He's afraid that if you go too fast it will bring out his pure Yang spirit…

And when that does happen, he won't stop begging for you to go “Faster, faster, faster!!” or “Harder, harder, harder!!!”

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He's not the biggest fan. Quickies are usually too fast, not intimate enough for his liking, and leave him feeling unsatisfied.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Not really. Chongyun knows what he does and doesn't like, and he's not super interested in experimenting.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

As previously mentioned, Chongyun prefers a slower pace, and he can usually last for a long time. If you want to go for 3 rounds — 3 slow rounds — he can hold out. He may not be able to talk like a human when you're done, but that's totally fine!

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

None of his own, no. Though, if you buy some and want to use them to enhance your sexy times, I don't think Chongyun would be against it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I can't picture him teasing you at all. Maybe a few playful quips here and there, but definitely not teasing or goading you into being harsher with him.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Bro is a whimperer for sure! He whimpers and whines like crazy. He's noisy, but not necessarily super loud otherwise. He can whimper quietly, basically.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Bear with me here as I try to describe this… I think Chongyun would lose his mind if you offered to help him cool off by fucking his mouth with a popsicle. There's a specific hentai gif that I have in mind; this girl is on her knees and some dude is shoving a popsicle in her mouth and training her to give a blowjob, I guess? I don't have context for the scene but it's messy and fits Chongyun perfectly 🩵

(I'll try to find the gif and I'll attach it to a reblog if I can. Hopefully it doesn't get my blog flagged 💀)

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

His dick is a little guy, measuring exactly 3 inches. I want to believe that he's uncut…I'm not sure why, I just want him to be 😌

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not super high, I don't think Chongyun would seek out sex more than once a week. He wouldn't say no if you initiated things more often, but he probably wouldn't initiate it himself unless he's really in the mood.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He can fall asleep pretty quickly, though it doesn't happen every single time you have sex. He's usually just sleepy and cuddly, but he does try to stay awake to talk with you.

[laura1633]

max doesn’t need to, but I think it would ve very sexy of him to go to a new team and immediately win a championship 😋

my own personal dream is to see him go to ferrari with GP and JW, schumi-style, and make them a serious team again

Yeah absolutely!

If he ever leaves Red Bull and goes to another team I pray that GP goes with him. I can't imagine him having another race engineer!! Wait and JW - Is thatJonathan Wheatley? (unless there is someone else I have forgotten about), I miss Jonathan.

I know the history of world champions going to Ferrari but I do think Max at Ferrari would be an exciting prospect! Would be very interesting to see Max and Charles in a team too.

What I am really excited to see - and I hope Max stays around in F1 for quite a while more - but when he leaves I would be so excited to see him race in other series, particularly in endurance racing. I think that would really show how versatile and talented a racer he is and that would also be super sexy of him. I want Max and Fernando at Le Mans together.

[emperorluffy]

Interesting. Theres a lot of that I agree with. I definitely agree with Weiss not having a love interest.

When it comes to "redemption" it seems we're ultimately talking about the same thing but using different words to describe it. It wouldn't be fruitful to go back and forth over semantics or quibble about the smaller details so I'll just stick to addressing my major points of contention with this mindset.

First off I suppose I should address the Grimm. I agree that they aren't inherently evil. However I think it's false to suggest the Grimm ailments afflicting certain characters isn't something to be cured of. They by definition do not have souls which is what separates them from humanity. They objectively dont have souls. Thats part of the worldbuilding. To suggest that theres nothing to cure from them would be to suggest that something like becoming the Hound is a good or positive thing to be. It's not. At no point is this ever portrayed as a positive thing. We can acknowledge that the Grimm aren't inherently evil but we should be able to agree that this is clearly wrong. Such is the same with Cinder, who has a literal Grimm Parasite eating away at her flesh and consuming her. This is not a good or positive thing and is never portrayed as such. When it comes to things like this, and Salem, and the Hound they are all portrayed as something unnatural.

When it comes to Jaune's character I feel like his role is being a little misconstrued here. He's not really a girl in the tower. He fell in a tree once but I don't think that can be extrapolated to his entire character as he has far more parallels with Ozma than he does Salem. He even played the role of a pseudo Ozma during the Ever After. The old weary Hero who is greeted by 4 maidens who help restore him to his old self. Theres more parallels but it would be tedious to list them all. While Cinder herself is quite literally trying to be Salem.

The biggest issue I have with people ignoring Knightfall in favor of this Gillian stuff is that people are willing to acknowledge it's existence but then only look at how it's portrayed right now in the present in order to dismiss it. While being willing to look ahead at how things theoretically could be with Gillian in the future. It's a complete double standard. Why treat Knightfall for how it looks right now rather than what it could be? If you acknowledge that theres at least some setup there why not take into account the future of where it's going? Like, yeah sure it's one-sided right now but that may not always be the case. If you want to say that it's only half-built, thats still substantially better than nothing built at all for the other partners you're suggesting. Why throw all that aside in favor of potential relationship with someone Jaune hasn't even interacted with once instead of the woman who his entire conflict revolves around? It's just silly. Needlessly dismissive even. It comes off as people being terrified of the prospect of Knightfall such that they do mental gymnastics to avoid it rather than considering it.

We more or less agree on how Salem's story plays out albeit we differ slightly. Salem needs to forgive Ozma and he needs to apologize & forgive her as well. Ultimately they need to come together in the end. Restoring their romance is the key to restoring the story. Knightfall plays a crucial role in getting them to that point. As it would be the premier example to the viewer and other characters that even such impossible divides between people can be crossed with Love. Hence the Blacksmith reiterating that only Love can restore balance.

Even if there are some nice potential parallels with Gillian it just doesn't have the buildup or potential story impact that Knightfall has.

i guess there is always the question of to what extent the fractal-ozlem pattern will hold true for every endgame romantic pairing and the secondary question of whether the tension between salem and ozpin in jaune's character will eventuate as a return to form (salem) or as transformation (ozma).

but for what it's worth

<- i find this a lot more persuasive than the weiss developments in V9

it's a bit thorny all around. by design. i think he's probably intended to be puzzling. the simplest answer is jaune ecloses as the hero and saves cinder but that coexists uneasily with what's going on with cinder and salem, to say the least. not to mention the thematic treatment of fairytale heroism.

he did save neo, so there's that.

rolls over

jeanne d'arc heard the voices of saints and angels guiding her way. i suppose there's an argument to be made for the recording pyrrha left him, but given the importance of salem's piety and apostasy, jaune's distinct lack of religiosity or… belief in anything greater than himself is worth reconsidering maybe. why is he here? he cheated his way into beacon just to prove to his family that he was worth something. now he's just here for his friends. what becomes of salem if she's faithless? if she's cynical?

salem is not a cynic. she's a shattered idealist. there will be no victory in strength. mankind is strong, wise, and resourceful, born into an unforgiving world and yet even the smallest spark of hope is enough to ignite change. passion and ingenuity and resourcefulness. hope breathes fire into the hearts of the weary. hope is mankind's greatest strength. your faith in mankind was not misplaced. it's important not to lose sight of what drives us: love, justice, reverence… and so we must press on.

take all that away from her. what is left?

even cinder believes in something, in destiny as a monster to fight. "i refuse to starve."

she poses a thematic challenge to jaune's cynicism in that she puts a spear through weiss schnee, her own personal symbol of everything she's fighting against, in direct response to jaune telling her nothing matters to him except that his friends live. and then he manifests his semblance. and then cinder murders penny and he can't save her and it's his sword covered in her blood. and now he has to live with that forever.

snaps fingers

the tree is the tower. the lovable idiot stuck in the tree. that tree is death. the reason jaune is so narratively weird is he's anti-theme salem. in cheating his way into beacon he put himself in her tower.

hhh

jeanne d'arc was instrumental in charles vii's campaign to push the british out of france. vacuo just had a short-lived civil war instigated by isolationist monarchists claiming descent from vacuo's royal line, one of whom was top of her class at shade and "would have been a fantastic huntress" if she hadn't dropped out. and her semblance is the inverse of jaune's and she mirrors him in a lot of ways. she might be the summer maiden.

i am so far out on a limb here but

…huh.

the anti-theme salem's ozma ii would be the maiden of destruction.

[mercymaker]

also re: my last post

my therapy is not going well. like. it's going terribly. the past couple of times i'd leave more upset/frustrated than before the session and it got to the point where i started bracing myself before i'd even leave the house.

i spent half a year waiting to even see someone, to end up here. i stuck to therapy and the whole 'slow progress one step at a time' shtick for months because i wanted to get better. so so bad. even when i'd feel like i'm not moving forward, i'd try to convince myself that change takes time. i'd listen to my therapist and trust that she knows better. and now, almost a year later, i realize that i'm right where i started. nothing's changed. and my best case scenario would be to try again. to wait. find someone else. and i'm just... tired.

[awkwardrocker]

I need everyone upset about Liam's promotion to understand that it had nothing to do with him being better/worse than Yuki. Yuki outperformed him. Yuki deserved the chance. BUT Yuki is not a Redbull driver. He is a Honda driver. He has no loyalty to Redbull and that is why he did not get a chance next to Max. It's not that he didn't deserve it. It's pure business.

Redbull are ending their relationship with Honda. They are creating their own engines. It's likely seen as a big liability to Redbull to have Yuki actively involved in any tests or even near anything involving the 2026 engine.

This is not an attack on Yuki or his character or anything like that, so please do not take it that way. But, Yuki's loyalty to a different engine manufacturer is a major risk to any new manufacturer like the Ford/Redbull powertrain. You just never know. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve a good drive, but Yuki's loyalty will forever be to Honda (as it should) and that poses a lot of risks for Redbull.

Once again, I am not commenting on Yuki's character or making assumptions about him when I say this, but there are a lot of big concerns if he gets promoted. He could ditch them for Aston immediately because Honda asks, he could share information about the new engine to Honda, or he could give questionable feedback that negatively impacts the new powertrain. Maybe he wouldn't do these things. But if there's even the most miniscule potential that he could, it would make any team hesitant. F1 is rampant with cheating allegations and questionable tactics to win. The teams will want to protect themselves in any eventuality. And that is what's working against Yuki so greatly.

Yuki has proven to be a very competent driver over the past year, but let's not forget that he nearly lost his seat in 2023 and the rumored reason he stayed is due to Honda. He owes his career to Honda, not Redbull. And at the end of the day, that's his main flaw within this team. It's not his driving. It's not his temper. It's not anything else. It's purely who he is aligned to poltically in the racing world. Is that fair? No. Is that how racing works? Unfortunately, yes.

[chirpsythismorning]

“Mike said his life started the day he found El in the woods, which was technically the following night. What he said had nothing to do with offending Will because he went missing the day before.”

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[lemongogo]

is this the part where i say i like jaymel . bc i do

[yujeong]

Time was at a standstill. Vegas was holding his breath without noticing, and continued to hold it when he did - he was afraid of what would happen if he exhaled loudly enough to draw attention to himself. His gaze was shifting between Pete and the man who was standing before them in the doorway, blocking their entrance. Vegas had never seen him before, but even so, he recognized Pete in him enough to know who he was. A dangerous aura surrounded him. There was an edge to his presence that Vegas would only come across people of certain circles. He was a fighter. A muay khao. Pete's father. Shame coursed through Vegas' body, smearing his skin, settling in his lungs, rendering him speechless. I thought he was dead, he wanted to tell Pete if he could. He wanted to scream at him, I thought you killed him. Pete was the one who broke the stillness. As if awakened by something, he took a half-step back and made a motion with his arms, almost raising them to his chest, but not quite. In an instant, Pete reverted into the pet Vegas had been keeping at the safehouse, bound by handcuffs and afraid of his belt hitting flesh and drawing blood. A lump formed in Vegas' throat. "Have you stopped practicing? Your form is off." The uncanny similarities between Pete and his father appearance-wise didn't mean a thing when it came to their voices. Vegas shivered. Was this what Pete would sound like in a few decades? (Were these the condescending words he'd choose to spew? Was Pete going to embody his father? Was Vegas embodying his?) "What are you doing here?" Pete whispered. "They let me out for a few days, so I came here to collect some money. Imagine my surprise when I found out my offspring left the job someone found him worthy enough of doing to... do what exactly? Yaai didn't want to tell me." He crossed his arms, waiting for an answer. Vegas didn't know what he was allowed to say. If he was allowed to say anything at all. "It's none of your business." "I'd say it very much is my business, as well as yaai's business who was dependent on the money you were making being some rich asshole's human shield." A choked sound scratched Vegas' throat. He didn't like getting reminded of Pete being the main family's bodyguard, even though he stopped being one mere months ago. Especially like this. That was the first time Pete's father stopped looking at his son and turned his head to look at Vegas. For a moment, there seemed to be recognition in his eyes. Did he know who Vegas was? Did he care? A snort came out of his mouth. He leaned on the door. "Oh, I see how it is." He laughed, scratched his neck. "I never expected you to whore yourself out for money. Tell me, is it preferable to the path I carved out for you?" Vegas could sense the disgust in his voice. He could also see it on Pete's face. He was too astonished to share it, but not enough to be unable to speak. "Khun, there has been some misunderstanding-" "Don't bother. I can recognize a faggot when I see one." Pete's movements were too fast for Vegas to stop him. A direct jab to the nose; his father fell like a pack of cards, groaning like a wounded animal. Surprisingly, no blood - Pete held back. Vegas didn't know what to think about that. "That was a pathetic attack, even for you." "Get up." "We're not in the ring, son." Pete growled. Vegas could see his hands trembling as he was keeping them in the air, maintaining an offensive stance. "That never stopped you before." "You were too young to understand what I was doing back then. What I was preparing you for." Pete was silent. "The world isn't kind. It'll fuck you over one way or another." He got up, spat on the ground. "You still haven't learned a thing. You're too old to afford being naive." He turned around, and without sparing a look at Pete again, said: "Now get the fuck out of my house." (For @musictooth, whose posts about Pete's father have reignited my passion for this specific concept and for @wretchedamaranth, whose comments on my writing are always lovely and precious ❤️)

[cosmogyros]

I'm going to lose itttttttttttt

November was my first month of unemployment; I got my benefits for the month on December 6.

The Agentur für Arbeit did not pay me for December, without explanation, and once I called their headquarters and complained, I got a double payment at the start of February (covering the months of December and January, I guess).

Then they messaged me that they're stopping my benefits, and that they would explain why "in a separate letter". Guess what: I never got the separate letter!!!

And now I've received a letter from my health insurance implying that if I'm really not receiving any unemployment benefits anymore, I may be in danger of losing my health insurance.

COME ON, GERMANY. How hard can it be to just send me a certain amount of money every month? Why has there been some stressful technical issue around receiving my benefits EVERY month since this has started?

I'm basically staying at home all day every day and barely living my life because I constantly don't know if I'm going to have an empty bank account at the end of the month or if I'll actually get paid this time. This is so fucking stressful and I hate it. Why is the AfA SO dysfunctional?

And more importantly, why the hell would they cancel my benefits with no explanation??? Also they just informed me on Friday that I've still got a meeting scheduled with my advisor, for March 18. But like... why would they be scheduling meetings with me after having randomly stopped my benefits? Surely if my benefits are canceled, that means I'm not a "client" of theirs anymore.

This is so stressful omfg. I technically have enough money to cover rent for a few more months, but then my entire life savings would be gone and I'd still be in debt and jobless. And that doesn't sound like a pleasant prospect 🙃

I know I am legally entitled to get 1500 euros a month, every month, for ONE WHOLE YEAR. Even the AfA themselves sent me an official document stating that.

But in practice, I've had to fight tooth and nail to get those benefits for even three months, and now they're suddenly like, "Oh we're not gonna give you any more money, AND we won't tell you why either :3 Byeeee!" So I'm mad af. WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME THE REASON YOU'RE CUTTING ME OFF?!?!??!??

[chocolatepot]

I'm feeling really cranky tonight and I don't know why. Like yes the things I'm being cranky about are making me cranky but usually they don't annoy me so much?

[talkorsomething]

Actually i feel like my voice goals are not that unreasonable since the people i get jealous of the most really are my age or older

......

Well, reasonable though they may be, realistic is another matter