#the monarch was actually not in captivity at all we just saw it outside

[lesbegays]

yesterday we found a recently eclosed monarch butterfly that had clearly been attacked by a predator. it was leaking green fluid from a missing eye, a tear in its wing, and a hole in its abdomen. i’ve euthanized several injured or deformed butterflies in the past, but for some reason this one just really got to me. i swear it clung to my finger more intensely than any ever has before. and i know i’m anthropomorphizing but i really felt like it was scared and in pain and i’ve cried every time i’ve thought about it since

[seizethecringeofproduction]

Flashpoint 2: Advent Solaris - Chapter 2

CONTENT WARNING

 You will be brutally reminded of the DCAMU characters besides Damian and Raven in this chapter. You have been warned. The imagery in this chapter is NOT pretty. 

In the hours following the festival of the sun, Soleanna remained in shambles - reeling from the arrival of this timeline's biggest villain, Dr. Eggman. The castle town area had entire sections of itself barricaded off by the Soleanna royal guard due to the remaining damage that needed to be cleaned up and repaired from the previous night's attack. The New City area was left unscathed due to not being involved in the attack, but it and all of its residents were essentially locked off from castle town due to the tunnel between the two being closed off. Even tourists who were clambering to get back to their homes out of a desire to avoid what they likely knew was coming in the near future ended up being stopped by either entire areas of the country being shut down, resulting in massive lines lasting for entire blocks extending out from the train station and bumper-to-bumper build ups along the highway, or at least so said the news when it came to the latter.

For Barry, this did not help at all with his ambition of helping Sonic in the good fight against Eggman. In fact, it literally achieved quite the opposite.

Well after Barry spent a few good hours navigating the poorly designed, conforming New City district until he located the tunnel door again - all while lamenting no longer having his powers - he was introduced by not only the fact that the large ornate green door was closed but also guardian by a small troop of green-armored royal guardsman. These guardsmen, from what he could tell, were Soleanna's sole police force.

He would soon learn that they actually were more than capable of competing with Gotham City's police force in their sheer levels of corruption and incompetence.

It also should be noted here that quite literally, it appeared as though there were no women present within the ranks of the royal guard, as not once did Barry see a person wearing their green uniforms that even resembled the feminine form. It wasn't until he was stopped from entering castle town that reasons besides the obvious became considerations as to why no woman would want to join this organization:

"I'm sorry sir, nobody is allowed into castle town. No exceptions", one of the three policemen sternly said to Barry, putting out a hand to stop him from walking any further. Being a hero, Barry respected the law, though he didn't exactly appreciate it when they got in the way of 'the job'.

"I've got important business to deal with over there, I'll be right back."

"Whatever business you're going to do, I'm sure it can wait. We have severe building and street repair, as well as an investigation into the kidnapping of Princess Elise."

"Well" Barry quickly thought of something to say, hoping it would work, "I just so happen to be a forensic scientist! Best in the business, actually! So if you let me through that door and tunnel right there I can help you with that investigation!"

"You're not hearing me, sir" the policeman scowled, "The investigation is not about who kidnapped her, the investigation is about where her kidnapper went!"

"Well can you tell me where?"

"The giant battleship was last spotted heading towards Wave Ocean, and we believe towards the Dusty Desert part of the island after that. However, both areas are blocked off from public - that means you - entrance for the time being."

"So you guys are blocking off the area where your monarch's been brought to as a captive, instead of going in to rescue her?"

"Hey" the Policeman, clearly irritated with such sass, proceeded to 'bark' out "I don't tell you how to do your 'detective' job, you don't tell us how to do ours! Besides, rescue operations are G.U.N. and the blue wind's forte!"

Well I hate these guys already.

"You guys do know that a forensic scientist is different from a detective, right?"

"Does the difference matter?" the guard responded, "You guys both do practically the same thing, investigate stuff! All you do is work with DNA, and all a detective does is work with clues! Same difference!"

I want to slap this guy so hard right now, but I'd be arrested.

"The point is, I'm technically a cop just like you and your friends" Barry glared at the man, "From Central City, granted, but as you just said - same difference."

The guardsman once again scowled at Barry for his remark, with his arms crossed as well. It was evident that he did not take kindly to such 'disrespect', though also evident there wasn't much he could or felt like doing about it. Eventually the other man grunted and spoke to Barry in a somewhat defeated yet also still very disrespectful tone of voice:

"Alright, you can proceed to the castle town. On one condition."

"What condition?"

"If you can guess who the captain of the guard is, we'll let you through."

The smirk on the guardsman's face, as well as the snickering from the others, betrayed just how 'seriously' these men actually took their jobs. Barry likely did notice those looks, but there wasn't much he could do about it - other than give a look of both lack of surprise as well as complete boredom with this entire vacation.

Next time Iris and I talk about vacation spots, I'm being clear with her about never going back here again.

Barry rolled his eyes. If he had his powers he would just run along the water to the other side of the island, completely ignoring the 'bull' of these incompetent buffoons. However, while the Flash could do that in seconds, Barry Allen wasn't precisely capable of it. He would have to improvise in order to get anything done here.

"Let me take an educated guess here, are you the captain?" he said, unamused, pointing directly at the guard who presented the idea to him. For some reason, all of them found this entire thing incredibly hilarious. After recovering from bursting into laughter:

"Guess again!"

"Any of the guys behind you?"

Unfortunately for Barry, they all responded accordingly:

"No!"

"Nope!"

"Not me!"

Oh. My. God.

Barry now understood why Batman never worked with the police much outside of commissioner Gordon. He completely understood Bruce's distrust now. As a fellow cop, at least technically, he was beyond ashamed of these so-called men of the force. However, being powerless he had little choice but to go along with their ridiculous game which he knew damn well was for the most part, purely for their amusement. He hoped dearly that if he did find the captain, that there would be discipline for these guys - but something told him this was routine behaviour for Soleanna's police.

For at least a full hour and a half, Barry yet again found himself wandering the streets of Soleanna's New City district - this time looking for members of it's royal guard police force in order to ask where the 'captain' was. He tended to receive one of the follow responses from those he did manage to talk with:

"The captain? I think that guy's over there!"

"You mean that guy?"

"Oh yeah, I'm the Captain! Captain of being awesome!"

"I believe the captain has door guarding duty at the moment. At least, I think he does."

"The captain? Not me!"

"Not me!"

"That is not me."

"That's not me."

"Have you tried looking over there?"

By the end of it all, Barry's eye was twitching and his face locked in complete, total frustration. He found it incredibly hard to believe that such people were qualified for a position as important as defending the city, the country, the monarchy and most important of all the civilians. In his own thoughts:

These people aren't qualified to protect a slice of pizza!

Returning to the guards that he had first run to while also being absolutely tired, he glared at them as if he wanted to punch them - which he did - while they were still finding excessive humor in his misery. The guard who made him go on the search for the captain was the first to break from laughter just to ask him in a mocking tone:

"Do you have any clue who the captain is yet, forensic scientist?"

"No" Barry said, scowling at the man with incredibly intense anger - though said anger was ignored by the so-called 'police', who only mocked him with one more sentence:

"Well, maybe you should try taking DNA samples! Isn't that what you're people are good at?"

The bursts of laughter that succeeded that 'joke' did not help alleviate Barry's anger. Quite the contrary actually.

How the hell did these idiots get their jobs?

Thankfully for Barry, the laughter did not last long. Not long after it began in fact, did the door behind the guards open, revealing yet again the tunnel connecting the New City to the Castle Town district. Sighing of relief as the confused guards walked off to the side, Barry was ready to see what he could do about the ongoing situation of Elise's kidnapping. That is, until some unexpected burst of wind - or speed, really - flew right past him and knocked him straight to the ground.

Recovering himself quickly, Barry could see that this burst of speed was none other than Sonic - who had come speeding out of Castle Town and only broke from his running seemingly to take in the environment of the New City district.

Barry could see Sonic was not alone, however. Since the memories of this timeline hadn't begun to kick in yet, he did not recognize the figure who was following after the blur however. A yellow furred fox, with shining blue eyes, red-white shoes, white gloves and most uniquely of all two tails - that he could evidently use to fly somehow as Barry saw him clearly using them to lift himself just slightly off the ground to keep up with Sonic himself.

Barry took only a few seconds to process this newly introduced person before remembering with a speedster he had to make his introductions quick:

"Sonic? Sonic!" he exclaimed, before trying to head over to the blue, four foot tall Hedgehog and the even less tall fox. Luckily for him, he did in fact gain Sonic's attention:

"What's up?" the Hedgehog greeted, rather casually all things considered.

I'm talking to a four foot tall, talking, thing that is supposedly a Hedgehog. This is real. I am not on drugs. I am not hallucinating. This'll all be normal to me in the near future.

"I'm Barry Allen" Barry decided it was best to be upfront with Sonic, whom he was still having trouble believing was not a drug hallucination, "I'm a forensic scientist from Central City, and I know this may be sudden and out of the blue, but I want to help you with saving Princess Elise."

There was a moment of silence between all three parties involved in the conversation, though this was broken by Sonic himself:

"Well Barry, I'm Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog!" Sonic's words were complete with a signature thumbs up, before he turned to the fox standing beside him, "And this here is Tails, my best bud!"

"Hi!" Tails casually waved, Barry returned the gesture, though in a nervous manner considering he still found it hard to believe any of this was really happening.

"And as for you helping me save Elise" Sonic remarked, "I appreciate the gesture but unless you got some powers, you'll probably just get lost in my dust!"

Barry wanted to say something, though knew damn well that unless he regains his powers, the hedgehog has a point. A very accurate point.

"That, actually is a fair point, to be honest."

"Heh, don't feel bad about it though. Not your fault you're not the fastest thing alive!"

Oh, you're gonna eat those words when I get my powers back.

Barry held back the explanation of who he was. The payback for that line would come. Just not now.

"Fair, fair enough" Barry held in his urges quite well, "But, before you go, can you at least tell me if you've had any luck yet?"

"Well, I kinda did actually" Sonic revealed, explaining the events Barry had unfortunately missed out on, "Me and Tails rescued her out in the desert, even fought a giant dog robot! Got her out of the desert just fine, but then some crazy dude attacked me out of nowhere! Said I destroyed his world, luckily Amy was there to help hold him off but Eggman kidnapped Elise again. Now I gotta go to the warehouse district to meet with Knuckles, he says he has information as to where Eggman took Elise off to!"

I'm gonna take a wild guess and assume Knuckles and Amy are more talking animals I'd normally write off as Darkseid or Zoom having injected me with crack or bath salts or something.

"Do you know where the warehouse district is, Barry?" Tails asked, "We've never been here before, and honestly this city can be pretty hard to navigate."

"You're telling me, Tails" Sonic snarked, "Just to get through the door I had to guess who the captain of the guard was!"

"You too?" Barry was absolutely stunned, "They did that to me like just a few minutes ago! I don't know what kind of police force they have around here!"

"Tell me about it!"

"But, why didn't you just run around them, like, on the water or something? Wouldn't you be fast enough?"

"Oh" Sonic rubbed the back of his quills, suddenly becoming visibly nervous as he explained why said event didn't happen, "Long story, but me and water don't precisely get along."

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah."

"Ahem, guys?" Tails gained back both of their attention, "The warehouses?"

"Right, sorry" Barry replied before turning his eye contact back to Sonic, "From what I remember from my own hours wandering around this place, all you gotta do is head that way" he pointed directly to what was the north, "No turns, and-"

With a single burst of wind followed by the sound of two tails swishing around to keep up, Barry knew the speedster had already dashed off. Looking in the direction he pointed off to, he could only see the blue blur of Sonic's dashing speed for only a few seconds before it dissipated. He then let out a sigh, wishing he could help with his own speed. Instead he could only walk in the direction he pointed to, though he figured by the time he arrived at the warehouses Sonic, Tails and apparently 'Knuckles' would all be long gone and moving on in their adventure without him.

It's bad enough this timeline doesn't have any of the faces or names I remember aside from Iris.

But this is just rubbing salt on the wound.

Barry would have kept walking through the streets of the New City district, had he not been distracted by a noise coming from a lone alleyway, shrouded in the darkness of the buildings towering into the sky above. The noise was like a loud, metallic clang, loud enough to gain his attention - though in a city district with no automobiles that wasn't hard. Barry assumed it had been a garbage lid, or something metallic in nature, hitting one of the building walls in the alley. Though, all he could see was darkness.

Pitch, black, darkness.

Swallowing a bit due to an eerie, cold feeling running down his spine, Barry tried to turn away and resume walking. That was however, when a voice spoke to him. From the darkness of the alley.

"Such a pity, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

Turning to the voice to see who was talking to him, even stepping closer - to the edge of the darkness though not a single step closer, all Barry could see now were the eyes of some person or creature standing before him. Eyes emerging from the shadow - bright, emerald green, and reptilian in nature.

"Such a pity to remember a past that no longer exists" the figure to whom the eyes belonged to spoke, "And to be a misfit in the present that you created. Is it not, Flash?"

"How do you know about that? And how do you know my identity?"

"Oh, I know many things, Mr. Allen."

"Who. Are. You?"

"I'm someone who can help you accomplish precisely what you want, and more."

"Yeah, right. Like I'm going to trust some creepy guy in an alley who says that." turning away, Barry was yet again going to walk away, though the figure proved quite persistent.

"Wouldn't it be delightful if you could go back to your previous timeline, with the knowledge you have now?"

Hearing those words. Hearing that idea. Seeing the imagery in his mind. It got him to at least turn back to the pair of eyes in the alley, with a confused yet inquisitive face. He didn't fully believe such a thing was capable, but figured a being who knows of his previous timelines at all was at least worth listening to. However, giving it thought and remembering what he knows about his flashpoints, he was quick to attempt a debunking of the idea:

"That's, that's impossible." he said, "The mere act of time travelling causes ripples that affect everything around it. If you, or I, tried to go back to that timeline, it wouldn't work. It would be a completely different timeline no matter what."

"That is true" the figure admitted, only to follow up bluntly, "If you time travel as sloppily as you do."

"Sloppily?"

"It is true that time is not entirely linear." the figure explained, "Though even the most unruly fan blade or flat surface can be straightened out with a firm enough hand. Time is much like a plate of food. Your method of traversing the stream of time is to smash the entirety of the plate into your face, when it is much cleaner to instead use precision, devouring one piece at a time using the proper utensil."

"What, what exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying" the figure then allowed the darkness from around itself to reveal its full form. It did not step closer or anything of the sort, rather the shadows seemed to actually recede from the being on their own accord, perhaps on the commands of the figure itself. The whole scene made an even colder chill run down Barry's spine.

Then came the creature's appearance. It resembled a hedgehog, of the Sonic variety, though it had two quills which were curved. It was also mostly a deep black in coloration, with pale blue stripes on the quills, arms and legs - as well as a puff of white fur on the chest. Pale metallic rings around it's gloves, and more complicated shoes that seemed to be of the advanced technology variety.

Most pressing of all however, was the fact that upon this creature's pale skinned muzzle, was no mouth. Barry wanted to bring it up, but he felt it unwise to do so.

As if knowing what Barry was going to ask next, the being introduced itself:

"Allow me to introduce myself, Flash. I am Mephiles. Mephiles the Dark."

"Mephiles…"

I really wish Constantine were here right now so he could tell me if this guy is like Raven or like Trigon.

"What" Barry nervously said, trying to keep himself from shaking too much, "What do you want with me?"

"Nothing, at the moment" Mephiles spoke, without a mouth his intentions were impossible for Barry to read, "There is quite literally nothing Barry Allen could potentially offer me, though is quite a lot that I could offer you."

"Like, what?"

"For one, I could give you the chance you want. A happier ending. I could give you a chance to go back to your own timeline, to warn your friends of the mistake they are about to make, to save your nephew and his friends from their cruel fates. All without the sloppy changes you brought up not too long ago."

"You're bluffing."

"I assure you, I am not."

Mephiles then held out a hand in front of Barry, and within his hand came a sphere of dark indigo energy, surrounded by what appeared to be blackened electricity. Barry flinched at first, though soon peered into this ball of dark energy - within moments, he gasped. He was actually looking at the main room of the Watchtower, the headquarters of the Justice League. Bruce, Clark and Diana were informing him and the rest of the League about the plan to assault Apokolips, while also briefing the Teen Titans about it remotely as well. The scene in the sphere looked like it was directly from Barry's own eyes as well - he remembers everything. Clark, Bruce and Diana's positioning, Clark slamming his fist down to show how serious he was about the attack, Constantine's skepticism about it. Everything was there.

In a moment of desperation, Barry snatched at the energy ball - though Mephiles pulled his hand back just as he did so, with the ball of memories disappearing with him. Barry was now on the ground of the alleyway, peering up at Mephiles from beneath - all he had were Mephiles' green eyes to gauge his intentions with. Still, Barry was too shocked to say anything other than:

"How did you do that?"

"You're not the only one who can travel through time" Mephiles explained, "Using speed to do the job is far too sloppy. I use far more precise methods."

"And, you can put me back into that timeline?"

"Complete with your memory and all, yes. It will be just like you came into it from a portal. Seamless, precise. As though a God made it happen."

Wally...Wallace...Iris...Conner...Billy...Barbara...Hal...Zatanna...Everyone...

"Then do it" Barry's tone changed to one of pure determination as he stood up, attempting to tower over Mephiles - though the mysterious being seemed to not be intimidated, "Do it now."

"Patience" Mephiles told him, "There is plenty of time for you to return, the moment is not going anywhere, and thanks to your prior adjustments to time travel neither are your memories."

Closing his eyes, Barry took a deep breath. All he could muster the will to say was:

"I can't help you do much of anything without my powers."

"Oh" Mephiles nonchalantly remarked, "I am quite aware. However, I can not help you to restore them here. It is best we retire to a domain of mine where such a feat is more easily done."

With that having been said, Mephiles gestured to what was at first merely the other end of the alleyway - a dead end of brick and mortar. However, within seconds a far larger sphere of dark energy appeared - soon turning into what was recognizable to Barry as a portal, more often referred to by him as a 'boom tube'. Mephiles gestured for him to walk inside of it, though as soon as Barry did he was pelted by second thoughts:

At first, his reasoning was simple. A chance to save both of his nephews. A chance to save Superboy, Wonder Girl, Beast Boy, Blue Beetle, Batgirl, Zatanna and all the other heroes that those horrible monsters slaughtered. A chance to restore the world to the state he remembered.

But then, he thought about it longer.

Just before entering the portal, he remembered. This timeline was, to him, brand new. In a few hours, if not sooner, he might begin to gain his memories of it, and everything of it will be , Tails, possibly even Mephiles. It will all be normal to him, and he will vividly remember all that he missed out on.

Absence of evidence doesn't always mean evidence of absence.

Clark, Bruce, Hal, even the Titans. They all could very well exist in this timeline for all he knew. Just not relevant enough to appear in books. The only ones he knew did not exist yet were Wally and Wallace, who simply haven't been born yet. Perhaps Clark is even light years away on a surviving krypton. Who would he be to bring them back to their previous selves, thrusting them back into a war with that monstrous dictator. A war in which, as he witnessed himself, did not end well for many of them.

With further thought, his answer was clear.

"No."

He stopped in his tracks, virtually one step away from actually walking into the portal. He turned to Mephiles almost defiantly, explaining to the mysterious being:

"I created one timeline out of my own selfishness. I don't know if versions of my friends exist here or not, but who am I to ruin any of their lives by dragging them back into that stupid war? I don't care what you're offering me, I'd rather become the Flash on my own and let whatever versions of my friends who are here live their lives in peace."

As Barry yet again stormed off, Mephiles could only softly laugh, before speaking to Barry just as he was one step out of the alleyway.

"I thought you might say that, Mr. Allen. Have you forgotten how your many 'flashpoint' timelines have ended?"

Oh No…

"Oh yes" Mephiles remarked, "Let's see, the first one you created had two warring factions decimate both each other and the entire planet, killing millions in the process. The second one you created ended up conquered and utterly decimated by a certain warlord from across the galaxy, if I'm not mistaken. Either way, both timelines ended in complete and utter disaster - and there's not much guarantee that wouldn't have happened even in your original timeline at some point either. So what precisely makes you think that it wouldn't happen this time?"

Barry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, even clenching his fists before responding to the demon:

"Because...there is no Trigon. There is no Darkseid. The only alien invaders here were single handedly destroyed by one person already. This timeline seems pretty safe to me."

"Safe? Is that so?"

"From what I can see, yes."

"Well then, I implore you to take a closer look."

With Mephiles gesturing once again back at the portal he had created, Barry walked a few steps closer and peered his eyes closer into its light. Soon, a grizzly sight materialized into it. A city. One not too different from Metropolis or Gotham, or even Soleanna. Completely destroyed. It's surely once prosperous skyscrapers and high-rises are either damaged, destroyed, or even leaning. Water replaced with lava, entire tornadoes of fire running amuck through the ruins of what was surely once a land teeming with life and activity - though now only death and destruction.

There was no sign of life.

Only destroyed cars. Destroyed buildings. Massive canyons of what were once highways and streets, filled with lava and fire. Demonic beings made of molten rock and magma roamed the streets as well as the skies - ensuring any survivors would dare not venture too far outside.

Barry looked upon this sight with horror. His jaw dropped. His legs, his body backing away from it. All he could muster up the courage to say was spoken very weakly, his entire body shaking as he let it out of his mouth:

"Please, don't tell me…"

"Yes" Mephiles was blunt about the truth, "This is the future of this timeline, if you and I do nothing to prevent this from occurring. Just like all of the others."

Barry was completely and utterly silent for what felt like an eternity, even if it was only a few short moments.

Just when he had thought this timeline was finally going to be one in which there was just peace and happiness.

He learned that he was wrong.

Still shaking, he turned to Mephiles, and all he asked was but one simple question:

"What can we do to prevent this?"

"Follow me."

It was only two words, but with those two words Mephiles stepped into the portal to the 'future' and disappeared into it - the vision of the ruined city's skyline disappearing back into the void of energy as he did so.

Barry however, hesitated. In his mind, countless thoughts about what he was doing and who he was putting his trust into raced through his mind - though a few thoughts and internal debates stood out amongst all of the others.

He's the only being that might be able to help me stop Darkseid without so much horror and death.

He's clearly a demon, how do I know he's not just lying to me about everything?

Even if I decide to stay here, this timeline might be doomed too if I don't do something about it. Assuming what I saw was what he said he was, and after him showing me my last timeline, should I even doubt him at all?

Is this a gamble I want to risk taking?

I suppose yes, yes it is.

And so, Barry took his chances and walked after Mephiles into the unknown. Disappearing into the void of the time portal with it vanishing just seconds after he did so - leaving the entire scene looking as though nothing had happened at all, besides a small cool breeze through the alley that displaced a few newspapers that had long since been thrown to the ground.

Barry had little idea of the part he was playing in the grand scheme of things, or who was putting all of the pieces of this puzzle together.

All he knew was that he wanted to do the right thing.

________________________________________________________________

It can't be…

Please tell me this isn't happening to me again…

Standing on the edge of a cliff, Barry fell to his knees. Eyes widened in shock. Lips quivering. Everything he was seeing, was exactly why he didn't want to open his eyes when he first arrived. This was the very thing he was afraid of.

The future.

All around him, now life sized, was what remained of a long since destroyed city. Entire streets caved in like massive canyons, alited by the fiery magma from the center of the planet, rising up to serve as massive rivers through the landscape. The sky was a mix of blood red and charcoal black, reflecting the lava and joined by the suffocating smoke rising to take the place of clouds. Skyscrapers, High Rises, Houses, everything of the sort was all left in ruins. Some buildings were flat out destroyed, others slanting, others with massive holes within them, others just now finally collapsing into dust or falling over for good.

There was no sign of life that Barry could see that wasn't some type of flying or land dwelling demon made of molten rock. None of them seemed to pay him or Mephiles any mind, though they clearly relished in setting ablaze anything they could.

As he gazed upon this future, all Barry could think was how unfair it all was.

What did I do to deserve this? He thought, I just wanted to save my mother's life! I just wanted to save the world!

Mephiles, standing behind Barry, seemed to know precisely what he was thinking with the words he said to him next:

"Amazing how unfair and unforgiving time seems to be, is it not? Just when you believe you're living in paradise, it all comes tumbling down. Such is life, so they say."

"Why?" Barry asked, "Why does this have to happen?"

"There is no real reason why any of this happens" Mephiles explained, standing next to Barry now, "Time itself has no sentient mind capable of any reasoning. It's all just a series of rather unfortunate events. A game of russian roulette, as your previous timelines' people would put it."

Barry's eyes scanned across the landscape one more time before turning back over to Mephiles. Still recovering from the revelation of yet another doomed timeline, all Barry could bring himself to say was:

"What is it you said about fixing this?"

As if expecting this, Mephiles responded casually - as though he knew far more than Barry had counted on:

"There is only one way to prevent this from happening. You will have to destroy the person responsible for causing this future. And before you say it, no, it is not yourself."

"Then who is it?"

"Allow me to show you" Mephiles then began to walk away from Barry, looking back only to gesture for him to follow. Barry, having no one else to turn to and nowhere else to go, complied to the gesture - following the entity through what remained of a once bustling city.

Along the way to wherever Mephiles was taking the depowered hero, was an extended look at the carnage that was set to destroy this timeline.

Barry's spine shivered with all that he saw. Boarded up buildings. Busted windows. Empty, rusted and long out of use cars. Entire blocks of street aflame with no water to put any of it out. Most horrifyingly of all, he could make out charred human, animal and even 'hybrid' corpses alike among the rubble - just barely visible due to how their blackened remains blended with the piles of ash and debris.

While in the previous timeline he was spared the sight of what Darkseid did to earth, when he did finally see what was left it was not much different from this.

With only the ambience of the dead city and it's demon destroyers chiming along with his and Mephiles' footsteps, there was nothing much to distract Barry's mind from beginning to envision the bodies of his fallen comrades of the previous timeline with every body that he found.

Several bodies he saw were hanging from the balconies of rooftops, being torn apart and eaten like roasted meat by a flock of those large, flaming bat-like demons that dominated the airs of this horrible world. Immediately, Barry's eyes began to water as he remembered the fates of Hal Jordan, Barbara Gordon, Zatanna, and even Shazam at the hands of the abominations that the sadistic beast of a so-called 'new god' had named 'Paradooms'. When he looked at those demons, he saw in this mind the Paradooms. When he looked at the corpses, they became his friends. He became mortified.

Another body he saw had it's head twisted, neck completely destroyed due to being forced to turn almost completely in the opposite direction. In addition to being charred black by the flames and ashes surrounding itself and its environment. Barry couldn't help but think of Conner, the young Superboy. He had hardly spent more than a few years experiencing the world before his time was cut short but one of those monstrosities, his neck snapped as though he was nothing. There was not even time to mourn him.

I'm so sorry...

The various other bodies around reminded him of various others as they were littered throughout the streets. Jaime Reyes, Donna Troy, Roy Harper, Karen Beecher, Garfield Logan. All of them did not have specific injuries, though in Barry's mind as he saw the corpses of this timeline's dead he could only become more horrified as his brain forced the images of their corpses lying about in their place. All of them heroes, none of them deserving of their fates.

Please, forgive me...

That's when he saw things which made him stop. Two corpses, barely protruding out from the rubble of the various debris. In reality, they were too charred for any identity to be discerned. In Barry's mind however, they became his cherished nephews - the two Kid Flashes. The two who followed in his footsteps, who were set to carry his legacy. They were, both dead. From Wallace's mouth was just a bit of blood, and Wally's face was looking directly at his uncle with a face of shock.

Upon seeing them, Barry lost all focus on following Mephiles and ran to the two of them - now on the verge of crying.

No, no no no…

Going to his nephews' sides, Barry scooped their corpses into his arms and embraced them tightly. Not wanting to ever let them go, he closed his eyes and let his sobs be released from the bottom of his heart. They were not just his sidekicks or proteges. They were his family. He was supposed to protect them. Yet here they were, both lying dead. As hard and as tightly as he held them, they did not spring to life. They did not utter a single word. They remained motionless, silent. Cold. Gone.

Placing their bodies gently to the ground of the city's ruined streets, Barry could only continue sobbing inconsolably as he placed his hands to his eyes.

We knew the risks...

That doesn't make the pain go away…

Soon, Barry could feel a hand on his shoulder. Letting reality turn to what it was, and the bodies return to being anonymous corpses in a sea of fire and despair, Barry looked up to see Mephiles looking directly at him once more.

"I know it hurts" the being spoke, Barry now looking back at the bodies to see the reality of what he was holding, Mephiles continuing on, "Being cursed with the memories of such a nightmare. However, let it be your motivation. With it and my assistance, you just may be able to prevent such a fate from happening to your dearest loved ones again. As you can see, you're still quite in danger of that happening as we speak."

Barry closed his eyes, letting his hands leave from his face and instead clenched them into a fist. He took deep breaths, letting his sadness leave from his body as he soaked in the reality of what Mephiles was saying.

There was a large part of him that still did no want to trust this being, though based on Mephiles' far more controlled version of time travel and his knowledge of what Barry thought was permanently erased from the pages of time, he figured that if anyone was going to help accomplish anything it would be him.

He just hoped he had his faith in the right place.

Barry turned to Mephiles and gave a silent nod, his face attempting to be without emotion - though he still mourned for all of those lost on the inside.

Mephiles returned the silent nod, and with only a few seconds of looking back at the two disfigured corpses, Barry got up and resumed the long, silent walk. This time, kept his eyes square on the street, making sure they never strayed far away from directly ahead of him, directly onto his feet, or directly on Mephiles.

Darkseid might be long gone.

But the wounds he's inflicted are still fresh.

Though it took hours of traversing the ruined, hellish landscape of what was once a vibrant and healthy world, eventually it was clear to both Mephiles and Barry that their destination had been reached. While Barry's legs had begun to ache due to the long trek through both ash-filled streets and near-volcanic soil, Mephiles seemed perfectly fine. It was also apparent that with all of the dark fire dominating the sky outside, there was no way of knowing for sure what time of day it was or how much time their walk had actually taken.

Not that Barry cared. He wanted to make sure this nightmare never happened.

He was still waiting for the reveal as to how that could be done.

When Barry did begin paying attention more to his surroundings, he saw that he was no longer outside where even the rain seemed to be particles of fire or volcanic rock falling down upon his head - instead he was inside of some aged, abandoned building. He and Mephiles' footsteps both became metallic clangs due to the floor being nothing but a metallic surface. Doors were all effectively broken, and when they weren't fully collapsed or leaning off their hinges they creaked very noticeably whenever moved even slightly - if they moved at all.

Brown, crusted rust was present on virtually everything - and often joined by exuberant amounts of dust. Even the floors had enough mold and grime on them to leave any reflection beyond proper comprehension.

The lights, there were hardly any. Barry could now hardly see Mephiles at all as they traversed the hallway of this mysterious facility - there was just barely enough light to tell where he was. He now truly had to be sure to keep an eye on the being in order to have any direction at all.

What is this place?

What was this place?

Barry did not have to think about the past of this strange facility long though, for soon Mephiles walked into a room with actual light emitting from it - and Barry followed in. The light was not from an actual light fixture but rather from a large computer monitor that despite all of the odds still seemed to be functioning perfectly. It gave the room a blue-green tint to it, but at the very least Barry could see both himself and Mephiles far more clearly than within the dark hallways.

Mephiles did not waste any time with talking, instead he went directly to the keyboard beneath the monitor and began inputting various characters into the machine. Barry watched, though he remained silent he had a massive plethora of questions about what was going on. At the very least, Mephiles did explain:

"Here are my records of the event that caused all of this to happen. The day of disaster."

Barry's attention was pulled towards the monitors as various information popped up onto it. Articles. Headlines. Video clips. Images. The works.

The first image that Barry noticed was a photograph of the Egg Carrier, the battleship that 'Dr. Eggman' owns. The next image was accompanied by an article, and seemed to show a massive ball of flame in the center of Soleanna, with all of Castle Town being set ablaze. All of it said the same thing - the flames destroyed the world. The flames of disaster. The flames of a being known only as Iblis.

"Iblis" Barry muttered as he analyzed all of the articles. All of the images. As he repeated that name in his head, he knew what word meant. He had learned long ago what it stood for in Arabic, and Damian would say it a few times himself. He knew well enough that if a beast was nicknamed that, said beast was not good news.

Iblis….the flames of disaster…

"So, Iblis, destroyed the world?"

"Technically speaking, yes" Mephiles explained, "But he did not destroy it alone. Someone released him, unleashing him to take part in the destruction of this world."

"And who would that person be?"

"The Iblis Trigger is what they call him" with a bit more typing on Mephiles' part, a single, large image was brought onto the screen - this time the figure was clear and in color. "But most people knew him, as Shadow the Hedgehog."

When Barry looked upon the photograph of Shadow, his eyes widened. He looked exactly like Mephiles. He was a hedgehog, about the same height as Sonic, and had curled quills with stripes on them - as well as his arms and legs. The cuffs of his gloves, the advanced shoes, all of it was the same. The only difference was in the fact that Shadow had a mouth, had normal eyes of a red coloration, and his stripes were also red instead of the pale blue sported by the entity that Barry was standing in the same room with. Of course, the similarity between the two still had to be addressed:

"He looks, almost exactly like you."

"Yes" Mephiles coldly remarked, "He does."

"I'm taking it that this is going in the direction of me having to defeat Shadow?"

"You're taking it correctly, yes."

"Well, what can you tell me about him before I go off to do that?"

"Shadow the Hedgehog" Mephiles said as he turned to the monitor, "The Ultimate Lifeform. Created on the Space Colony ARK approximately 250 years from this current point in time, 50 years from the present we recently left. The full story behind his creation remains hidden in both classified and destroyed government documents, but it is certain that G.U.N. funded and supervised the project during the entirety of it - and that the late alien warlord Black Doom also had a level of involvement at some stage."

"I see…"

I had a bad feeling about G.U.N. from the moment I read about them.

"In addition" Mephiles quickly stated, "His creator, Professor Gerald Robotnik, was in death the mastermind behind a plot to crash the Space Colony ARK into planet earth - a plot which Shadow himself supported. It should come to no surprise that when the day of disaster occurred, those who survived were quick to turn their blame onto Shadow himself."

"So, if I take out Shadow, I stop this future from happening?"

"To put it bluntly, yes."

"Alright, so, where is he?"

Mephiles laughed at Barry's brash remark, turning to him while still finding humor in his statement. His immediate response was a very blunt:

"You're not going to take on Shadow in your current state. He would make mincemeat out of you in seconds, if what he accomplished with the Black Comet is any indication."

"Fair enough" Barry admitted, with a slight nod, "I'll need to get my powers back, but it doesn't seem like there's any rain or lightning going on in this world, how are we going to recreate the experiment?"

"Oh, I have my ways."

Barry soon learned to at least partially regret agreeing to Mephiles' method of getting his powers back - though it wasn't as though there was much in the way of other options.

There he was, strapped down to a cold, metallic table. Held onto it only by leather straps. Due to the room being poorly lit - only illuminated by dimmed red lights - he was unable to see much of his surroundings, only able to make out the vague shapes of various machinery and test tubes around him. He could not even see where his so-called 'helper' was. Though hearing his voice was enough to reassure Barry that he was in fact in the room:

"Remember. This is necessary."

"This, this isn't how my experiment went."

"I know." Mephiles remarked, "Though it would take far too long to locate a thunderstorm that would help you."

"But, don't you have hyper advanced time travel powers?"

Despite Barry telling the truth, he received no response. As he looked around to try and see where Mephiles was in the room, all he could see was a purple gemstone floating in the air - it's color being seen by him due to it glowing brightly as it was released into the air, presumably by Mephiles himself. Barry focused on it, and was able to see it was similar to the shape of the emerald the princess had prior to her kidnapping. At least, he made that out moments before it began to electrocute him.

From the moment the gem's energy surges began to strike his body just as the lightning strikes that typically give him his powers, Barry couldn't help but scream and writhe in pain and agony. His reflexes and instincts fought to break from the restraints as his clothes, hair and flesh were being seared by the continuous blasts of pure chaos emerald energy. It was a pain far worse and agonizing than a mere lightning strike.

Mephiles, for his part, only watched. The being sporting no mouth, his level of enjoyment could not be read. Though he did absolutely nothing to soothe Barry's pain.

Barry could not even form cohesive thoughts during this grueling process. All he could think about it was how much it hurt. Whatever energy was coming from this 'emerald', it was not normal. It was not anything he had studied or read about. It was far too painful, burning away at everything it touched on his body as though it were acid. And he was completely, utterly defenseless.

Barry's body was absolutely destroyed. There seemed to be almost nothing left of his skin not long into the 'experiment'. It all looked like bleeding, inflamed muscles and fibers. In some spots, even the bones appeared to be visible. What skin did remain, was scorched by what looked like the most extreme case of chemical burns imaginable. His hair was virtually destroyed, only small particles of it remained.

Even so, the 'treatment' continued. Mephiles remained silent during the entire ordeal, and did not seem to even consider pausing it, despite Barry's loud and agonizing screams likely echoing out well into the hallway.

There was nobody there to help him, however.

Only Mephiles.

He who had organized this.

All Barry could do is continue scream, whimper and groan in pain as the emerald continued to pelt his unprotected body with it's pure energy surges. It was amazing that he was able to move at all still, though the mere act of doing so caused him only further pain at this stage.

He could feel his own blood forming a puddle underneath his back, pouring like a stream down to the floor beneath him. It stung every time his flesh touched it. Like the wrath of a powerful hornet, though the emerald's burns were still far worse.

Though granted, the latter weren't stopping.

With the table becoming increasingly like a frying pan, with him as the main course being cooked upon it, he was sure of it.

This was the end.

His gruesome, horrific ending.

Or at least,for any normal mortal being it would be. Not for the Flash.

One final, massive surge of chaos energy flowed through the room and completely destroyed it in a fiery explosion. The test tubes and beakers. The table, and seemingly Barry himself were all destroyed in an instant by the blast. All except for Mephiles himself. He remained unaffected, and as the smoke cleared the emerald itself lowered into his hand. The room was now pitch black, completely caked in darkness save for Mephiles' glowing green eyes and the purple emerald that had seemingly roasted Barry alive.

Without saying a single word, Mephiles walked out from the room and into the more moderately lit hallway, only stopping the moment he left the room. Turning back to face the entrance to the room, he saw the outcome of his 'experiment'.

Barry.

Still, shockingly, alive.

As well as healing.

His skin was still badly burned at this stage, though the bulk of his flesh had grown back - and was doing so rather rapidly. He lacked his civilian clothing of course, those having been long burned to nothing, though at the very least his blonde hair was growing back steadily. From the way he was looking, it would be within the hour if not sooner that his body would be completely restored to normal.

Breathing heavily and still getting himself reorientated with the world, Barry turned to Mephiles the moment he spotted him in the dim lights of the hallway.

"What. Was. That." he said between deep breathes. A large part of him was still infuriated at what he had just gone through, even it was under the guise of restoring his powers.

"Pure chaos energy" Mephiles explained, holding the purple chaos emerald in his hand, "Generated by the Chaos Emerald. It has similar properties to your so-called 'speedforce', among other various energy sources from your previous timeline. Very few could survive the pure, chaotic blasts of it that you just took. Let alone have their powers restored."

Chaos Emeralds….those things that Eggman wants…

They're definitely worth studying more, but I need to stay focused...I need to find and have a 'chat' with that 'ultimate lifeform' character…

"Anyway" Barry said as he held his head with one hand as his flesh, skin and hair continued healing, "First, I'll need to make myself a new suit. Then, I suppose you'll have to take me to where Shadow is."

"Luckily, there is little need for complications with the latter of which you speak."

"What do you mean?"

"He happens to be here as we speak."

[liskantope]

Some not-so-brief reactions to major Disney films 1968-1988

A little while ago I wrote another collection of quick commentaries on major Disney films (which I’m watching one by one through Disney+) from their inception with Snow White in 1937 to The Jungle Book in 1967. I was planning to round off my next collection at another 30-year mark, but the little mini-reviews I’ve been writing are beginning to look so long-winded in aggregate that tonight I decided maybe I should stop at this point. Also, last time, without fully being aware of it, I stopped at the end of what is considered Disney’s Silver Age (coming after Disney’s Golden Age, also included in the last set of commentaries), and apparently 1968 to 1988 is considered Disney’s (Bronze and/or) Dark Age (the Disney Renaissance kicking off with The Little Mermaid in 1989), so there’s another reason it makes sense to cut it off here.

I’ll keep watching the major Disney features, one a day, through the 90′s works, but whether I’ll find time to keep writing about my impressions of each film I watch, I can’t guarantee anything.

The Aristocats, 1970

This is a beloved favorite of mine. I got the video in later childhood, having previously admired the main number “Everybody Wants To Be a Cat” (still the highlight of the movie, from my adult point of view) and having read the story in a Disney book. After seeing it many times in childhood, I rewatched it only a few years ago when it showed up on Netflix. Around that time (or maybe just afterwards), I noticed that my favorite cartoon/Disney reviewer YouTuber Phantom Strider occasionally mentions that he dislikes The Aristocats -- he doesn’t put it on his top 10 worst Disney movie list or anything, but he’s made some disparaging remarks without going into detail. Watching it once again this month on Disney+, my verdict is that, yeah, it’s subpar in quite a few ways, but my more critical adult sensibilities will never override the fond feelings I have for this movie.

Since this is the next movie on the list after The Jungle Book, I couldn’t help constantly comparing the two, and I did see some parallels. In both cases, the story is pretty weak: this time, a family of cats gets kidnapped and stranded far from home by the greedy butler villain and have to pass through several adventures to get back to their owner. In both cases, the plot is a very linear one involving small adventures and minor characters having little bearing on the overall arc (this is perhaps slightly less the case with The Aristocats, where the new acquaintance Thomas O’Malley stays with them the whole time, and at least Scat Cat’s gang makes a return at the end -- minus the unfortunate and entirely unnecessary character of the Chinese cat -- to fight for the protagonists). In both cases, the voice acting is great and includes Phil Harris and Sterling Holloway. In both cases, the villain’s motives are rather flimsily stated -- the butler villain is more comical and slightly more rounded out, and the fact that his motive doesn’t make a lot of sense is perhaps meant to be part of the comedy. The Aristocats has far more filler material, including a useless but somewhat amusing and ultra-cartoonish sideplot about our butler villain losing his hat and umbrella and having to return to the countryside to get them (it’s more amusing than it sounds, trust me).

The Aristocats is simply weaker in almost every way than The Jungle Book. Although I like all the music, including “Scales and Arpeggios” which I only just learned was written by the Sherman Brothers and I appreciated a lot as a kid who practiced the piano every day, the only truly memorable song was “Everybody Wants To Be a Cat” (not written by the Sherman Brothers), whereas in The Jungle Book there are multiple numbers of that caliber written by the Sherman Brothers at nearly the top of their form. This film can also be compared to One Hundred and One Dalmatians and again comes out looking worse -- Dalmations sort of perfected the whole “animals coordinating a rescue” type plot, and The Aristocats only seems to make a feeble attempt at it.

One interesting thing about the pacing of the film that as an adult I’m a bit taken aback by is how quickly the ending of the movie runs. I was shocked when I rewatched this for the first time as an adult on Netflix, got to the ending of “Everybody Wants To Be a Cat”, and saw that there were only 15 minutes of running time left: that includes the late-night discussion between the romantic leads, the arrival at their home, Edgar re-kidnapping them, Roquefort going for help and nearly getting himself killed by Scat Cat’s gang, the whole action sequence of the actual rescue, a final scene with Madame welcoming O’Malley and rewriting the will, and the final song. We don’t even get to see Madame’s reaction at seeing her beloved cats alive and well, which is one of the ways this movie compares unfavorably with Dalmatians. There is some real artistry in The Aristocats, but the amount of effort put in is clearly not up to the standard of Disney’s finest.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks, 1971

I mainly knew this movie through the song “Beautiful Briny Sea” growing up. Eventually I did watch the film one time; I also read the book it was based on (I can’t remember which came first). I remembered very little outside of that one song, the fact that the characters travel in a bed, and David Tomlinson (who I knew well as Mr. Banks) being in it as an jarringly un-Banks-like character. I had entirely forgotten the fact that the story takes place during World War II and that this is crucial to the plot. I knew this as the Disney movie that tried to be Mary Poppins and failed to be anywhere near as exciting or resonant. However, I was still very curious to rediscover, two decades later, what the movie was really all about.

The story is really quite good on a level that appeals to grownups as well as children -- not as deeply as Mary Poppins, mind you, but distinctive and captivating. (I think this has something to do with the story being as much to do with the adult characters as with the children.) The acting is also solid. It only increased my respect for David Tomlinson’s versatility as an actor, in fact, and it was fun to see the likeness of the dignified and proper George Banks display so much awkward vulnerability and eventually get himself into so many slapstick situations. Unfortunately, the only memorable song is “Beautiful Briny Sea” -- I mean that quite literally, as sitting down to write this a couple of weeks after watching, I’m finding it hard to remember much about any of the other songs.

Also unfortunately, the song “Beautiful Briny Sea” is sort of a beacon in a murky area as, halfway through the film when we switch to the animated portion, the movie suddenly gets... quite bad. The live-animation hybrid is consistently done to weak effect, first of all. For some reason, only Mary Poppins made this effect believable, ahead of its time. Secondly, I understand that we have to suspend our disbelief to enjoy a children’s fantasy film, but having the group plunged into water without themselves or their book appearing wet or having any issue breathing is pushing this a bit far. Thirdly, the writing gets rather silly. As soon as they come across an animated codfish who welcomes them to the area, the oldest kid Charles (always the skeptic) says, “Now I’m hearing things! Fish don’t talk.” Nor do fish “walk” along the bottom of the sea with a cane while fully clothed and smoking a cigar, Charlie, so what was your first clue that you’re in a story where things you thought impossible are happening?

The whole crew later gets up onto the animated island of Naboombu, where Mr. Banks Professor Browne is forced to referee a soccer game between teams of anthropomorphic animals as part of his efforts (somehow) to get his hands on the lanyard of the island’s arrogant monarch (who rather resembles Prince John from the next film on this list) which winds up evaporating as soon as they get back to their own world anyway. The ensuing soccer match is by far the most bizarre part of the film, or of any of these films really -- it feels much more like some wacky Saturday morning cartoon than Disney animation. Browne the referee winds up getting (literally) dragged into the game; the live/animation hybrid is done especially poorly here. Once the characters get back to the “real” world, however, the movie becomes good again, with a fantastic climactic conclusion that left me smiling at the overall effect of the film despite its weaknesses.

Robin Hood, 1973

This was a Disney classic that we owned from the time I was fairly small, and that I watched more times than almost any other one, with Alice in Wonderland being the only possible rival I can think of. I went what was probably close to a twenty-year period without seeing it or missing it until a couple of years ago, on a transatlantic flight when it was one of the movie options on the plane. I was taken aback on that rewatching by the fact that... Robin Hood just isn’t that good. When I later saw my parents (I think this was on the way to visiting them), I told them of this revelation, and they told me, “We never thought it was that good either, but you seemed to like it.” I guess I can see some of the appeal to my much younger self, but less easily than I can see the appeal of the some of the other so-so films like The Aristocats -- there is something about Robin Hood that is eye-catching on the superficial level but ultimately shallow. At the same time, I’ll always have to feel a bit sentimental about this one because of the role it played in an early period of my life, introducing me to words like outlaw and in-law and taxes (I vividly remember thinking in early watchings that Taxes was just the name of the unpleasant wolf character), helping to develop my understanding of what poverty looks like, and also introducing me to the concept of political satire (under an anti-free-speech monarchy no less. The scene shown in the video just linked is my favorite scene of the movie, by the way.)

I think my main criticism of Disney’s Robin Hood could be summarized by saying it oversimplifies what could have been a nuanced story, way more than it needs to. This shows most starkly in its clearly-marked division between good characters and evil characters. Naive Good-vs.-Evil plots are very much part of the Disney brand, but I can’t think of any of their other films which takes that aspect to this much of an extreme in developing the characters, so that the entire cast is very openly divided between the white caps and the black caps and (this is the most important part) to the detriment of individuation between the characters. The personalities of all the characters on the Good Side seem pretty much interchangeable throughout the film. Oh sure, Robin Hood has Plucky Hero stamped on him with Designated Sidekick Little John, and Maid Marian has Love Interest stamped on her, and so on. They get into different situations because they all play different roles in the community. But there are no deeper differences between them. Friar Tuck, for instance, is the local religious leader, and you think he might present a more thoughtful, pacifistic, and spiritual point of view to his comrades and enemies. But no, he shouts at the Sheriff and chest-bumps him out of the church and engages him in physical combat just like all the other characters do. All of the people on the Good Side are in complete lockstep throughout, and this makes their part of the story deeply uninteresting.

King Richard is never developed as a character; he is a faraway abstract entity throughout the film, which makes his sudden appearance at the end (which is what really saves Nottingham and finishes the story) very ineffective. (Let’s not get into the fact that he’s described as heroic for going off to participate in the Crusades -- “While bonny good King Richard leads the great crusade he’s on” -- talk about sugarcoating history!) This is part of what I mean about oversimplifying: they could have injected some complexity into the political story beyond “usurper taxes all the money out of the people because of his personal greed until the real king returns and makes everything lovely again”. I strongly believe it is possible to present real issues in a way that is both mature and engaging to children and that it has been done even in other Disney features. Disney didn’t try very hard to do it here.

I’ll give the writers credit in that the three main bad guys, Prince John, Sir Hiss, and the Sheriff of Nottingham, are somewhat individuated, partly I think out of necessity because the Bad Side of any story has to consist of people who quarrel amongst themselves. Prince John is actually well enough developed as an insecure, petulant child with no idea what it means to lead a country that I enjoy watching him even as an adult. The parallels between him and President Trump are unmistakable, and I’m surprised that I haven’t seen more memes about this. Still, by the end of the film, even he was starting to wear on me.

Another aspect of the movie that bypassed my attention as a child but bothers me as an adult is its blatant American-ness in retelling a very old, extremely British story. As in One Hundred and One Dalmatians, all of the accents, except for those of two of the main bad guys, are American. The rooster narrator of the story sounds particularly American and plays folk music throughout of a style that strikes me as the epitome of American.

The way the script and animation deal with bodies and obesity is particularly interesting in this one. Four of the characters I can think of are portrayed as fat, including one of the main bad guys (the Sheriff “Old Bushel-Britches” of Nottingham) but also three of the good guys. Minor quips are made about this by some of the characters, but overall it could arguably be considered a rather positive, good-natured treatment of this issue for its time. It is the source of some physical humor, and some of the body-related physical humor in general slightly raises my eyebrows as an adult -- there is a boob grab, for instance (well, fake boobs as part of a disguise, but still).

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, 1977

I had avoided watching any Disney rendition of Pooh for a long time before watching this one last week. I got to see a lot of Pooh in earlier childhood because of videos given as gifts by other kids’ parents, which my mom (who loves the original books by Milne and hates Disney’s interpretation of them) let me watch only with great reluctance. I soured to the Disney Pooh franchise as I got older and remember in high school getting sick of how many things were decorated with animated Pooh characters, and how few people knew the original books.

Starting to watch this film, I had no idea which of the Pooh stories would be included or whether I would remember seeing them before. As it turned out, I remembered almost none of it: I knew the theme song well and was slightly familiar with the early song about Pooh climbing the honey tree (it must have been on one of the Disney Sing-Along videos) but didn’t remember anything else until vaguely recalling some of the later Tigger stuff (I remembered, before it happened, that Tigger escapes from the tree by sliding down a paragraph of text in the book, one of many instances of extreme fourth-wall-breaking that runs as a theme throughout). As it happens, although The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh seems to go along pretty smoothly given that it makes no pretense of having a unified story arc -- something I give it credit for -- it is actually composed of four short films produced throughout the decade beforehand. This explains why I only remembered the Tigger stuff near the end: we must have had the quarter-length film Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too at my house for a while, but not the other three. (What I actually watched the most, I think, was a video of TV episodes called “Newfound Friends”, which I’ll look up on Disney+ out of curiosity but probably won’t include in this list.)

I remain anti-Pooh[Disney_version], but this anthology film wasn’t as bad as I had thought it might be. The first story about Pooh and the honey tree was actually pretty good. I am not opposed to Sterling Hollaway’s portrayal of the title character. Eeyore’s voice is way too flat, but otherwise most of the characters are portrayed okay. I distinctly remember reading Rabbit as a female character as a kid, and on hearing his voice again I suppose I can understand why. Tigger is the most offensively adapted: he is one-dimensional in a very obnoxious, not-so-amusing slapstick way. His portrayal would have come off better if they had given him more of a child’s voice, which is more appropriate to the book version of his character anyway. The gopher character is pretty annoying as well; he’s rather useless and unnecessary given that he’s not in the books (he even has a fourth-wall-breaking line about not being in the book). Some of the stories from the book are meshed together in a way that does a disservice to each of them, and the movie might have been better if it had committed to adapting fewer of Milne’s chapters. The story about Pooh getting stuck in Rabbit’s front door is done in a distasteful way, with Rabbit turning the back half of his body into part of the upholstery (an idea that Walt Disney had himself when he first read the book!). The songs weren’t great, and I wish that some of Pooh’s poetry from the books had been adapted to song instead.

Leaving those details aside, this is an earnest attempt at turning Pooh into an animated feature which turned out to be not too terrible given my low expectations.

The Rescuers, 1977

I remember watching this once as a kid and almost nothing sticking with me apart from the fact that the main villain (who I remembered nothing about, not even really the gender) had two pet crocodiles. I watched it a second time on Netflix a few years ago, I think within the same week of watching The Aristocats on Netflix.

I have one word for this Disney animated classic: weak. The story is not all that interesting. Having watched Dalmatians and The Aristocats in the few weeks before hand, coordinated animal rescue plots were starting to wear on me. There is no music except for a few forgettable songs not sung by the characters. Eva Gabor makes Ms. Bianca a beguiling character, but the rest of the characters are completely forgettable. The main male character, Bernard, has the blandest voice ever. Even the little girl being rescued, while sympathetic, is not very unique or interesting. (There is something subtly heavy and haunting about having her teddy bear as her best friend through most of the film, though.) At the time of writing, I’ve already halfway forgotten what the villain’s sidekick was like. There are a bunch of other animals who are fun to watch in animation but don’t stick in my mind, apart from Pat Buttram’s drunken rat character (because it wouldn’t be a Disney film of the 40′s-80′s without some alcoholism in it).

The villain, Medusa, is a particular fail here. She is basically a lame Cruella de Vil 2.0: modern, non-fairy-tale-ish, greedy and materialistic, drives like a lunatic, etc. After watching, I found out that the story writers initially thought of simply bringing Cruella back as the villain in this movie, but decided against the idea of it being in any way a sequel to Dalmatians (remember that at this point no Disney sequel had ever been done -- the 1990 sequel to this film was the very first!). I think they should have gone with that idea: bring back one of the most celebrated Disney villains, rather than come up with a new one who is a lot like her but with subtly less pizazz.

Random observation: this has to be one of the only classic Disney stories where the animals can talk to exactly one sympathetic human (the girl) but no other human. If I remember right, I don’t think even Cinderella can understand the words of her mouse friends.

Anyway. Some people say the sequel is much better than the original here. I haven’t seen The Rescuers Down Under yet, but I hope it’s true.

Pete’s Dragon, 1977

This is the first movie on this whole journey that is so obscure that I don’t think I’d even heard of before, let alone seen, and that’s despite the fact that there was a remake in 2016. (The one thing that rang a bell for me while watching was the idea of a dragon playing tic-tac-toe on its belly, an image I possibly saw in an isolated context.) I questioned whether I should watch yet another 1977 Disney film at all, when it would be mostly live-action and was obviously so obscure. In the end, I’m glad I watched this, partly because the story did grip me on some level, but mostly because this film is so very entertaining in how badly done it is.

Pete’s Dragon, in almost every way, is bad -- hilariously bad -- the sweet spot of Bad: the kind of bad that’s actually interesting to examine and yet also shallow enough to make for good Bad Movie Night watching. It’s hard to know where even to begin. The consistently terrible acting of almost everyone, especially in every single line of the boy protagonist (I hate to trash a child actor like this, and part of it was probably bad direction: for instance, someone should have taught him to go easy on the pointy finger). Almost none of the right emotional notes are hit at the right time in what is a very heartfelt story. Only Helen Reddy as the female lead and Jim Dale as the charlatan doctor strike me as good actors doing the best they can with a terrible script and bad acting around them. Then there are the cheesy, poorly-written, often poorly-sung songs. (Did I mention that in one song, each of Pete’s main abusive guardians continue to sing, each in an unperturbed, full-throated voice while being flung in the air by an invisible dragon and plunged into the water?) The awkward choreography. The weak visual effects (as with Bedknobs and Broomsticks, they really didn’t know how to pull of hybrid animation well. I’d go easier on them for this if Mary Poppins hadn’t nailed it 13 years earlier.) I could go on and on.

It made a lot of sense to me when I read afterwards that Pete’s Dragon was originally written as a stage musical, because there is something unusually stage-musical-ish about how the songs are written (for instance, having subsets of the ensemble throw out response lines in unison) and the way the choreography is done. I’ll say as someone who has been in stage musicals that these elements can feel a bit awkward even on the stage; they look to me more awkward in the medium of film; and they’re especially awkward when the songs, choreography, etc. is as poorly written as it is in this film -- someone who hates musicals wanting to teach a friend to hate them too might well choose to show their friend this movie and pretend that it’s a representative example.

Even through all this, I was able to appreciate that the story is pretty good, and I came to care for the sympathetic characters, however badly acted they were. I also enjoyed the atmosphere of a small coastal village in northeast US (called Passammaquoddy, apparently a real bay in Maine). So, by the time I was partly through watching this (fairly long) movie, I felt very committed to continuing, enjoying it as I was just as much for its entertaining badness as for anything else.

I want to end by mentioning one musical scene in the movie that took me by surprise because it was actually good, and funny and catchy and overall entertaining. It’s our introduction to the charlatan Dr. Terminus, and so it’s self-contained. If you want a taste of a part of the movie that I think is head and shoulders better than the rest while reflecting exactly what I mean by a stage-musical-style musical number (not making any claims about how good in absolute terms this scene is, though), here is a YouTube video of it (the song “Passammaquoddy”) (warning: mildly off-color taste on body type and disability stuff). I would actually enjoy leading a song like this in a musical.

The Fox and the Hound, 1981

These more obscure Disney films are getting more and more interesting. I distinctly remember knowing about this one as a kid, seeing VHS boxes of it at friends’ houses, etc., but I never had much interest in actually seeing it. I watched it for the first time on Disney+ with great curiosity, coming in knowing literally nothing about what the story would be about except “a fox and a hound are friends”. I was pleasantly taken aback by the new setting of backwoods American farmland and by unusually quiet, low-key tone.

The main thing I can say about this movie is that it’s far and away the least Disney-ish of the animated ones I’ve seen so far. If nobody had told me which company made this movie, it would never even occur to me that it was done by Disney, except for the presence of Disney icon Pat Buttram’s very recognizable twangy voice (perfect for this movie, not really appropriate for the setting of Robin Hood). It’s hard to explain just why I feel this way. Maybe it’s something to do with the pacing and the sort of quiet story. Or maybe it’s the fact that none of the animals seem to be drawn in the traditional Disney fashion (that is, we’ve seen fox and owl characters before in Disney, and for some reason their counterparts in The Fox and the Hound aren’t recognizable to me.) Or maybe it was the almost complete lack of songs. Honestly, trying to write this, I can’t quite pin down what made this a slightly offputting Disney-watching experience.

Despite feeling affection for the characters from the get-go, I actually found myself rather bored throughout the first half of the slowly-progressing movie. Then I perked up in the middle, actually thinking there might be a death, and of a rather morally ambiguous character too (this didn’t feel like a Disney film, so it might break the rules?). After that I felt enthralled to the point of breaking down and finishing it after having previously decided to leave a bit left over for the next day. I’m really not used to not having any idea how stories will end when going through Disney movies, and I guess I couldn’t handle even that small bit of suspense.

In the end, I thought the story, and how the story was rendered, was pretty good -- not stellar, but genuine. I don’t know about how overly-neatly everything was wrapped up with the main antagonist Amos Slade doing a complete 180 at the end, but after all this is Disney even if it doesn’t particularly feel like it and I shouldn’t be surprised at a happy ending.

Random side note: I wonder if Big Mama (the owl character) could be criticized as sort of an African-American stereotype and thus what Disney+ would call an “outdated cultural depiction”, or if it will be in another ten years.

The Black Cauldron, 1985

We continue with our sequence of more obscure Disney flicks. I guess this era is called the Dark Age of Disney for a reason, and one could say that this movie epitomizes such an era both in its role in the evolution of Disney and in its actual content. I don’t recall even hearing about this one as a child. I’ve heard it referred to as an adult only in the context of its successor being advertised as fun to provide a contrast with the overly-dark box office failure that had just come out, so I came in expecting a not-very-worthwhile movie that would be uncharacteristically dark and un-fun.

All I can say is, wow! The Black Cauldron, while indeed uncharacteristically dark (in ambiance at least, less so in subject matter), is genuinely, seriously good!

Within literally the first two seconds of the film, I knew that I was in a Medieval setting (not having known anything whatsoever about the story prior to watching) both from the music and from the backdrop. This remained the case throughout the movie. Everything in its style is boldly, wholeheartedly Medieval, not like some other Disney movies where the Medieval setting is watered-down and phony *cough*swordinthestone*cough*robinhood*hack. The only other movie on this list so far which comes close to succeeding at this was Sleeping Beauty, but that is such a different type of film, with such a different animation style, that comparing the two is like comparing apples to oranges. Honestly, I don’t think that the flavor is so thick even in Sleeping Beauty. The art of The Black Cauldron actually feels closer to that of Magic the Gathering than anything else I can think of from Disney. The effects of the animation are absolutely gorgeous -- in a rather dark way, mind you, not bright and colorful like what is usually associated with Disney.

The story is complex by Disney standards and I had zero familiarity with it beforehand, so for the first time I actually had to check myself to make sure I was paying attention. The characters are reasonably developed with engaging dialog (though slightly hesitant and sparse, with unusually little humor). It was a little jarring to hear “the Forbidden Forest” mentioned by one of the characters and remember that Harry Potter wouldn’t be around for over a decade. The main villain is one of the scariest ones of Disney and I would imagine may have been somewhat influenced by Ian McDiarmid’s Emperor, who had made his debut only a couple of years earlier.

I said that the last film on this list seemed distinctly un-Disney-ish, and I can say the same about this one in its own way -- maybe this was an experimental trend at Disney studios during the first half of the 80′s. The Black Cauldron has even less music in it than The Fox and the Hound and may be the only animated feature I’ve seen here with nothing resembling a song at all. One strong impression I got throughout, especially when the dungeon sequence started and the princess was introduced -- and this isn’t exactly a compliment -- is that something about the pacing, dialog, body movements, etc. seriously makes this movie feel like I’m watching a video game. (For personal context, I’ve never been a gamer, and most of my exposure to video games comes from watching college roommates play during the late 00′s.) I can’t justify exactly where I get this feeling. Also, the princess is strangely voiced and feels particularly like a non-player (video game) character somehow. I’m now curious as to whether there have ever been any games based on this movie or whether it had faded too much into oblivion by the time gaming reached the right level of progress.

Anyway, The Black Cauldron may not be especially fun or enjoyable to kids, but for an older person in the mood for some spooky Medieval fantasy animated entertainment, I recommend it as a fine movie.

(Fun trivia: I had believed that the successor on this list was the first animated feature to use computers to assist in animation, in the clock/gear sequence, but apparently this one actually was. Also, to date it was the most expensive animated film created.)

The Great Mouse Detective, 1986

Now for a classic that I had been greatly looking forward to. We didn’t have The Great Mouse Detective at my home growing up, but I know I saw it a number of times and later remembered liking it so much that on a whim in college, around the time I revisited Mary Poppins, I borrowed it from the local Blockbuster. I distinctly remembering feeling a little sheepish checking it out, but the young guy at the register actually said something like, “Yeah, that’s one of the best ones.” Years later, one of my best friends during graduate school was hanging out at my place and the conversation went to us agreeing on how excellent The Great Mouse Detective is and musing over the fact that nobody ever seems to talk about it, and we decided to watch it together as it was on Netflix at the time. We didn’t bother to log out of my roommate’s Netflix account to watch it, and he was later very irritated at me about the fact that Netflix was now constantly offering him children’s animated features. Anyway, it seems I’m far from the only one who has often viewed this one as perhaps the most underrated Disney classic of all time. (Further evidence: it comes second in WatchMojo’s list, with their winner being its predecessor!)

The Great Mouse Detective was billed as “All new! All fun!” to assure audiences that it would be a departure from the heavy seriousness of its predecessor, and in this it generously delivers all the way through. It’s based on the just-silly-enough-to-be-delightful premise that in late Victorian London there was a mouse version of Queen Victoria living in Buckingham Palace and a mouse version of Sherlock Holmes (our title character) living under the human Holmes’ flat in Baker Street. Our villain, the dastardly Ratigan, is hatching a plan to take over all of Mousedom via a plot which is incredibly silly, but the movie, which is consistent in its unpretentiousness, is able to pull this off just fine. All of the characters are nicely fleshed out (there’s a case to be made about Fidget’s character reflecting ableism but let’s leave that aside). Ratigan is the juiciest villain we’ve seen since Cruella de Vil. The plot is actually pretty complex, not at all like the predictable fairy tale / fantasy type plots we’ve often seen, yet not so complicated that it would lose the audience (or if it loses some kids, they will still be entertained by the great voicing, music, and animation). The action is, bar none, the very best I’ve seen so far on the animated movies of this list, and the movie is somehow packed with action -- every single sequence of it is superb, and the climactic scene inside of Big Ben is a revolutionary masterpiece of animation (by the standards that existed at the time). The abrupt transition to that scene, beginning in near-silence, is one of the more delightfully, deliciously chilling Disney moments for me.

This is not one of the great Disney musicals, but all three of its three musical numbers are still very enjoyable. I remember learning in college that the same person wrote “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind” and “Goodbye So Soon”, but I only just now internalized that the composer was Henry Mancini who I love from The Pink Panther and Victor Victoria. There is a certain type of wit and humor in the lyrics of both of those songs which I don’t know how to characterize in words except to say that it’s sprinkled with phrases either containing self-contradictons (“You’re the best of the worst around”, “You’re more evil than even you”) or redundancy (“No one can doubt what we know you can do”) or just plain wordplay (“Even meaner? You mean it?”, “With time so short I’ll say so long”). None of it makes a pretense of being extremely witty or anything; it’s just mildly dry. I don’t know what to call this kind of humor and can’t think of another example of it, but it consciously (though subtly) influenced the vibe I was going for with the section headings in certain of my earlier Wordpress essays.

Perhaps Lady and the Tramp can make a case for winning the Most Underrated Disney Animated Feature prize, as it seems more mature and elegant, but I’m not ashamed to say that I find The Great Mouse Detective every bit as enjoyable and that I still have enough inner child in me that I can rewatch the movie in my early 30′s and come out of it smiling broadly.

Oliver and Company, 1988

The first major Disney feature that came out in my lifetime! As with The Fox and the Hound, I always knew about this one growing up but was never really interested enough to watch it (even despite the fact that it was somehow loosely based on Oliver Twist, whose musical adaptation I was raised on pretty heavily) -- at least, I don’t think I ever saw any of it until one day in my young adulthood cable days when I caught it on TV. By “caught it on TV”, of course I mean that I probably didn’t see all of it, and it was interrupted by commercials and I was probably doing something else at the same time and not paying much attention. Literally the only thing I could remember was the line “Don’t want to mix with the riffraff?”

It’s just as well because in the grander progression of Disney creations, Oliver and Company turns out to be pretty skipable. Now I will say that I appreciate the variety of locations and cultural backdrops in Disney films and the amount of effort the creators put into carrying them out (something that was mostly lost on me as a kid). In this case, we are transported for the first time to contemporary New York, and it’s clear that the writers, voice actors, and animators went full throttle on making everything seem as in-your-face New-York-ish as possible. I don’t fault them for doing this, but it’s all done in a slightly brash way that doesn’t at all attract me to late-80′s New York culture.

I was struck in the first few minutes by a change I don’t quite know how to describe in words, except to say that the animation and even more the music feel palpably distinctly more modern than anything I’ve visited so far. The animation is simpler and more generic (luckily I have a fondness for kittens and they do succeed in making Oliver look adorable, but otherwise the visuals left me cold), and the music is a sharp reminder of the blander forms of pop music I remember growing up hearing. “Why Should I Worry?” triggered a recognition of the song that I had long forgotten -- apparently I used to know it very well but I’m not entirely sure how. The other songs are forgettable enough that I’ve already forgotten them. Interesting to find out that the principal voices were done mainly by Billy Joel and Bette Midler, marking another step on Disney’s road towards featuring more big-time celebrities in their voice acting (culminating in Robin Williams’ role in Aladdin several years later).

The story is very watered down compared to either the book or the musical version of Oliver -- understandable, I suppose, but I didn’t find it very interesting. The characters were lackluster, and the main villain Sykes managed to be even more forgettable than What’s-her-name from The Rescuers. This movie normalizes hitting on women by making catcalling noises, as done by two of the non-evil characters -- I wonder if this was put in because it’s considered a distinctive feature of New York culture, but either way I found its presence in the film obnoxious. I will say that the character of Georgette (played by Midler) stood out as very funny, and I enjoyed all of her scenes, but I don’t have much else positively positive to say about this one.