#the moment I saw myself in trek for the first time ever

[b00kdiary]

Take it | Azriel & Cassian (II)

Azriel x Cassian x Plus Size Reader

Rhysand's playing Cupid and his meddling has you experiencing something you never would have thought possible.

Warnings: Mature content (18+), mature language, fluff, and SMUT.

MASTERLIST - 1 and 2

The walk back up to my room feels like an eternity.

From the moment I said those final words and turned on my heel and began to walk away, time seemed to slow down, seemed to stop when they both rose as one, their feet silent as they followed me out the door.

Trekking through the corridors, the three of us were deathly silent, the only sound of my heels clicking against the floor and our soft breaths dancing in the air. I could feel it, feel them, watching me- over my hips, my ass, my legs, watching my hair sway with every swift step.

And now we were here, in my room, and it was sobering, to say the least.

I came to a steady halt in the middle of my room and my breaths sawed in and out of me as I felt the indomitable power of them behind me. I heard them step inside, heard them stop, heard my door click shut- and then lock.

I waved my hand idly and the candles and log fire in my room blazed to life, bathing the darkness with light, bathing us with light. Forcing air into my lungs, I turned and stopped short at the sight of them both before me.

Azriel and Cassian watched me, their bodies as still as death, constellations shining in their eyes, and I could scent their desire all over them. They waited despite their need; despite the fact they were thrumming with energy- waited for me to decide.

"Y/N," Cassian muttered, his voice like gravel and my heart fluttered at the small, kind smile he gave me- as if placating my nerves, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

My knees were trembling, weak and numb with anxiety, but I steeled my spine and forced down every shred of worry and insecurity that threatened to overwhelm me.

I was sure.

It was palpable, the way their auras shifted, breaths catching in their throats when I lifted my chin, letting my shield drop completely, letting them scent and feel everything I did. They track my movements like predators, watching with terrifying attention as I slip my hands behind me.

And unlace my dress.

My hands shake as I tug on the ties, loosening the back enough that when I drag my hands up to the straps on my shoulders, hooking my fingers under them, it all comes apart with ease.

A growl reverberates through the room- from which male I can't tell. Not as I haul the silk dress down my breasts, my stomach, tugging it down my hips and thighs before letting it slip from my fingers and pool at my heeled feet.

Utterly naked, utterly bare- body and soul.

"Are the two of you sure you want to do this?" I ask, my trembling hands clenching at my sides, but I push myself to meet their gazes, to not let my fears control me.

But when my eyes meet theirs, I wonder why I ever questioned them at all.

They watched me, no, more than that- they saw me. Eyes trickled down my body, across my flesh, seeing every curve and roll, seeing my stretch marks and cellulite, and being in awe of every inch of me.

Cassian approached me first, his long legs bringing him to me in seconds and the smile on his face, the wonder made me dizzy. My eyes flutter when his handsome face ducks down inches from mine, a large, calloused hand cupping my cheek firmly, lovingly.

"You are fucking magnificent," Cassian was breathless, I could hear his heart pounding and my hands lift to his chest, my fingers finding purchase in the material of his shirt, to keep my knees from giving out. "Can I kiss you, angel?"

A whimper slipped from me when he brushed his lips against mine, the barest touch, a whisper of a kiss as if trying to coax me into more. His hands didn't leave my face and didn't touch my body, not until I said he could.

"Please, Cass," I whispered, my voice fragmented and the need in my tone was all it took for him to lose all hold of his control.

Cassian's eyes flared and I barely got down a breath before his hand fell to my exposed waist and he tugged me flush against him, his lips capturing mine. I gasped into the kiss, gasped into him and every thought eddied from my mind at the taste of him.

Cassian's mouth tasted me, devoured me, he sucked and explored and prodded in a way that told me he wanted to memorise every inch of my mouth, my lips. My back arched like a bow when his fingers razed down my body, kneading my flesh, as if he couldn't get enough of the feel of me.

I didn’t fight him for control didn’t want to not as he pressed me to his steeled body, not as he cupped my ass in his hands, not as he kissed and kissed and kissed me.

Cassian drew his mouth from mine, begrudgingly, and my body shivered, my core clenching when another set of hands settled against my skin, as another set of hands traced across my stomach and hips, a solid chest pressing against my back.

"Az," I purred his name, eyes rolling at the feel of his mouth as my ear, canines nipping and teasing, jagged breath washing over me. Cassian grinned, a flash of white teeth before his strong hands turned me, so fast that I giggled from the dizziness, now meeting a different pair of hazel eyes.

"Look at you," Azriel muttered, wondering eyes feral, his tone dripping with praise and want as he let his scarred hands travel across my flesh, as he let those wild shadows feel me too. "Beautiful, so fucking beautiful."

Heat blossomed over my cheeks, over my body at his sweet words and I let that feeling guide me as I ran my hands up Azriel's magnificent body, until my fingers curled into the roots of his soft hair, and I was pulling him down closer to my face.

Cauldron, these males could kiss.

His hand wrapped around my throat, keeping me exactly where he wanted me as his lips met mine, and I could do nothing, didn't want to do anything, but let Azriel taste me as fiercely as he wanted.

Languid, broad strokes of his tongue against mine, satiating and wholly powerful, a male used to being in charge, used to having a female submit, to take all the pleasure he gives and beg for more- and I would, I would beg if I had to.

I moaned into Azriel's mouth, my eyes clamped shut at the intensity of it all- so many hands, tugging my breasts, rolling my nipples, palming the flesh of my ass, lips kissing my neck, canines scrapping against my sweet spots, rumbling growls of need piercing the air.

It was just like Rhys had shown me this morning, the both of them, absolutely worshipping me, both kissing and tasting and touching me, and I felt like the fire fanning between my legs was about to fucking explode.

"Please, please-" My voice sounds pathetic, whiny, and desperate as I drag myself away from the perfect torture of Azriel's lips, breathless and eyelids heavy as I choke out the words.

"We've got you, angel," Cassian chuckled roughly from behind me, and I saw Azriel's lip tilt into a purely male smile, the both of them staring down at me, loving how strung out I was. "We're gonna take real good care of you, don't worry."

An impatient sound escaped me, a mixture between a snarl and a whine but any protests or curses I was ready to spew fell short when I was suddenly whirled around, Azriel's hand gripping painfully into my hair, forcing my head back to look up into Cassian's dark eyes.

"So impatient," Cassian tutted, lip curling and my chest rose and fell like tidal waves as the male silently stared down at me, neither of them touching me spare the grip Az had on my scalp. "Az, you don't mind if I have a taste do you brother?"

Taste- Gods above I was going to pass out.

"By all means," Azriel replied, an almost feline satisfaction humming in his low tone, "I wonder if she's as sweet as she smells?"

I was definitely about to pass out.

Cassian grins and I melt into him when he kisses my lips again, only for a second, before he begins to kiss down my body, down my jaw, my neck, my chest, his tongue trailing over my hard nipples- all the way until he's kneeling before me.

The room was painfully silent as Cassian's gaze met the wet, aching spot between my legs and I wasn't breathing, not even thinking, as he curled his large hand around my thick thigh, his movement graceful as he lifted my leg, and hooked it over his shoulder- exposing me to him.

His fingers carved crescent moons into my thigh as he marvelled at the sight of me, and I clenched around nothing at the way his face hardened, like a male conquering, a warrior after he'd won the war.

"I'm going to fucking enjoy this," Cassian teased, kissing the flesh of my inner thigh and I could do nothing but force air into my lungs and lean into Azriel's solid chest, his towering form peering over my shoulder, watching his brother get closer and closer to where I needed him most.

"Cass-Cassian!"

There was no warning, no sign, not as Cassian lurched forward and wrapped his lips around my throbbing, desperate clit.

"Cauldron," I moaned, almost pathetically loud as Cassian's tongue parted my folds, as he teased and lapped against my clit, as the sounds of him eating me out danced through the air like a lewd song.

He groaned, the grumble reverberating through me, his contentment clear as he curled another hand around to palm my ass, shoving his face between my pillowy thighs and running his tongue over my core again and again until I was on the verge of screaming.

"It seems you taste even better than I thought, sweetheart," Azriel muses haughtily against my neck, and my body trembles when his canines pierce the flesh there, his arms hooked around my stomach like a vice.

He was forcing me to endure Cassian's relentless mouth, to endure his bite and the shadows torturing my sensitive breasts and all of it made my release barrel closer and closer.

It was almost embarrassing, how quickly his skilled tongue made me inch toward my climax.

"I'm so-so close," I babbled, tears leaking down my face now, my body writhing against Azriel's hold as Cassian's tongue toyed back and forth, back and forth with my clit, occasionally stopping to suck the bud harshly between his lips, teeth nipping until I couldn't contain my noise.

He's smirking against my cunt at the sounds that slip from me, and I choke on a pleasured cry when he suddenly shoves two large, calloused fingers into me, my core so wet that he has no resistance as he fucks them deep inside me.

"C'mon sweetheart," Azriel coaxes, his hands bruising as he holds down my flailing hips, pressing me back so that I can feel the terrifyingly large, hard imprint of his cock against my ass. "Make a mess all over Cassian's face, you're nearly there."

His tone was almost condescending, mocking and somehow, something dark and twisted and dirty within me seemed to feed off his words. Because Cassian flicked against my clit, his fingers curled against a spongey spot in me, and suddenly it was all splintering to pieces.

"Cassian, Cassian!"

Everything went dark for a second as my back arched and my body went unnaturally still, and I went limp against their bodies as a sea of release washed over me. I moaned, desperately loud, my stomach clenching and unclenching as my climax pulsed and pulsed and pulsed.

I sag back in exhaustion, my eyes clamped shut as I try and catch my breath, waves of release still rocking through me and slowly fading into oblivion. The hands around me have softened, tender as they soothe me through the high.

"How you feeling, angel?" In the time it takes for me to come down from my climax, Cassian's now stood before me and as my eyes flutter open and meet his, I can't help but smile at the adoration on his face, hopelessly sweet as he cups my cheek, brushing my hair from my sweaty face.

"I'm doing great," I giggle, a manic, gravelled sound and Cassian chuckles, white teeth flashing, and I know Azriel's amused too, just from the way his chest shakes with laughter against my back.

"You look pretty worn out," Azriel mumbles from behind me and I try and force some dominance back into my eyes as I glance over the shoulder at him, at his gorgeous face and greedy gaze, and I raise a brow.

"It'll take more than that to truly wear me out, Az," I say pointedly, and the way his eyes narrow- as if calling me a brat- makes me even wetter than I was. "When I get to that point, trust me you'll know... assuming you can get me there?"

I was playing with fire, I knew it the second those words left my lips- and all sweetness and calm vanished from his eyes, vanished from the room. And suddenly, I was trapped between two apex predators, two Illyrian males who could fuck me senseless, fuck me until I was begging them to stop.

"Get on the bed, sweetheart," Az commanded, the voice of a five-hundred-year-old male, of a spymaster, a torturer, a killer, "Don't make me ask twice."

Cassian laughs- actually laughs- when I rush to do so, the dominance in Azriel's face, his voice, making it impossible for me to not swiftly move to the bed, climbing up the satin material until I've reached the middle.

"Lay down, angel," Cassian states and the air in my lungs turns to ash when they both begin reaching behind them to the hooks on their shirts, releasing them to pull off the materials. "and spread those pretty legs for us."

I do it, I obey- but I don't take my eyes off them. Not as acres of corded muscle and dark, captivating whorls are exposed, not as I see the ripples of packs down their glorious stomachs, trails of dark hair following under the band of their slacks.

I watch them, captivated, and they watch me, enthralled.

I gaze at them as they unlace their breeches, biting on my cheek hard enough to taste blood as the fabrics come loose and they start tugging them down, almost in unison, their dark eyes never once leaving the spot between my spread thighs.

Mor was right- wingspan did correlate to size.

“Starting to regret taunting us now, huh?” Cassian snorts, seeing my doe eyes get wider and wider, flickering between the two of them as they yanked off their breeches, discarding them on the floor beside them.

I lifted my chin, feigning arrogance but deep down, my stomach coiled at the idea of fitting them into me, how they would stretch my cunt, stretch my mouth, how they’d fucking ruin me.

“Just say the word, and we’ll take it easy on you,” Cass rounded the bed, in all his naked glory, hazel eyes blackening to dark chocolate at the sight of me sprawled out on the bed, and I saw his cock twitch as he settled beside me. “You just gotta tell us if you can’t take it.”

His words were sincere, telling me that whatever I felt I should tell them- but there was also a challenge there as if asking how much I could handle.

I sucked in a harsh breath of air when scarred hands began languishing up my calves and my eyes flashes forward, to Azriel, who knelt on the bed between my parted legs, wings splaying up high behind him.

“Is that what you want sweetheart?” Azriel cocked his head, abs rippling as he leaned forward on his palms, slotting my thighs around his lean waist, so close that his cock brushed my folds. “You want us to go easy on you?”

“No,” I hiss through gritted teeth, my back bowing as Azriel reaches down and grabs hold of his long, thick length, the tip already leaking pre-cum- and I gasp when he rubs himself through my soaking wet folds. “I want-want you to fuck me hard, I can take it, I can-“

Azriel doesn’t wait for me to finish my sentence, not as he shoves his cock into me, hard and brutal, unforgiving as he sheaths his painfully thick length in until he’s hitting my cervix. And Cauldron, do I scream.

“There you go,” Cassian praises from beside me, hands combing through my messy hair and beaming as I cry out at Azriel’s ruthlessness, pulling his cock out to the tip before shoving himself back in all the way, again and again.

“Az-Azriel-“ I choke, my walls clenching around him as his hips fuck into me, forcing me to adjust to his size, his hands at my waist bruising as he keeps me in place. “Oh, my fucking Gods.”

“Taking it so well,” Azriel growled, and his smile was feral when my legs hooked around his waist, my eyes rolling as he slipped in deeper, hitting a spot that had me fisting the sheets under me. “Wrapped around my cock so good.”

“Cass, Cass, please,” I force my eyes open, my body rocking wildly, my tits bouncing as Azriel fucks me, our arousals wet through the air. My lips pout- my blowjob red lips- and Cassian’s smile is almost terrifying.

As if this is exactly what he had been picturing from the moment I said those words.

He hisses when my small hand wraps around his hard length, cursing as I pump my hand up and down, my mouth watering as he shifts on his knees, guiding his tip to my mouth, ever so slowly pushing past my lips.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Cassian moans gutturally, a sound that shoots straight to my pulsing clit as I take him further into my mouth, not stopping even when he hits the back of my throat. I gagged, making Cassian tighten his fingers into my scalp, his hands guiding me.

Azriel moaned, spreading my legs so that he could lean forward, palms braced on either side of my chest, and I mewled around Cassian’s cock as he plucked a nipple between his lips, teeth biting hard against the bud.

I was making such a mess- around Azriel’s cock, my arousal dripping down my thighs and onto the sheets below me as he rutted into me, skin slapping skin. I made a mess around Cassian’s cock too, spit, and pre-cum gathered covering his stomach as he bucked his hips, fucking my mouth how he liked.

“Just-just like that,” Cassian gasped, voice rasping like sandpaper, his words stuttering and broken as I bobbed my head up and down his length, feeling him twitch in my mouth, thighs tensing under my palms. “Got me so close, angel.”

I feed off his confession, feed off the jagged sounds Az makes against my wet breasts as he pounds into me, and I’m sucking harder, cheeks hollowing, tongue raking along the veined sides and Cassian snarls.

I gag as he bucks his hips up, hitting the back of my throat, and I can feel his cock twitching, a guttural, animalistic sound tearing from his lips as his orgasm hits, and I can’t help but take him deeper into my mouth, whimpering when he shoots hot spurts of his cum down my throat.

“Look at you, swallowing his cum,” Azriel grits out sardonically, watching Cassian’s cock pull free from my mouth, pearly cum gathered on my lips. His hand wraps around my throat, pressing down on either side- and forcing my eyes to his. “You gonna be a good girl and come around my cock now?”

“Yes, yes, yes-“ I cry out, head spinning from the hold Az has around my windpipe, my pussy throbbing as he moves faster, hips angled up, hitting a spot inside me that had me seeing stars. “Close, so close, Azriel, Az-“

A sob lodges in my throat when pressure brushes against my clit- not Azriel’s hand, but his shadows. My toes curl, back arching as they toy with the bundle of nerves, messily flicking and pulling and rubbing in a way that makes it hard to breathe.

“Let go, Y/N,” Cassian whispers, kissing my jaw, his tongue trailing softly against my skin, and grinning at the sound of Azriel fucking me, the sounds that tumble from my lips uncontrolled.

It’s too much, the shadows abusing my clit, Azriel’s cock buried deep in my cunt, hammering against that sweet spot, Cassian coaxing me toward that edge.

“I’m- Azriel, I’m-“ I can’t speak, all sound silencing in my lungs as my climax hits me, hard and fast and all-consuming, so strong that my thighs clamp down around Azriel’s waist, trapping his cock deep inside me.

Hot white release, like stars exploding across my vision, a kind of pleasure I’d never felt before, an orgasm that leaves me reeling.

“Shit,” Azriel curses, sweat covering his brow, dampening his hair and I feel his hips start to falter as my core clenches and unclenches around him, sucking him in deep and rough, my orgasm rippling through every inch of my pussy.

“Shit-“

I hear an amused chuckle and my release dies down just enough for me to crack my eyes open- to see Cassian running his hand down the bridge of Azriel’s wing, a sadistic smile tracing his lips as he traces the talon at the tip, watching Azriel shake above me.

It was the hottest thing I had ever seen- Azriel above me, eyes unable to stay open, the muscles in his arms stiff with the exertion of keeping himself up, his beautiful face twisted in pure pleasure as he buried his cock inside me- and fell apart.

I feel my cunt pulse as Azriel roars, the hand at the base of my throat clamping down just right and I moan as his cock twitches, his hot seed spilling into me, making a mess as he fills me up.

The fire inside me begins to wane, slowly fading into oblivion as Azriel stops completely, panting and trembling, as my thighs loosen from him, collapsing to the bed in exhaustion. My eyes close unwittingly, and I scrunch my nose uncomfortably as Azriel’s cock slips free, leaving me feeling empty.

Yet still pulsing with the aftermath of him being inside me.

“Sweetheart?”

“C’mon Angel, let us see those pretty eyes.”

I flutter my eyes open at the sound of their sweet voices, so at odds with the dominant, authoritative males they had been moments before. I blink away the fog covering my gaze- meeting two pairs of warm, honeyed hazel eyes.

“There she is,” Cassian grins brightly, and I sigh when his hands come to my hair again, his fingers soothingly running through the knots, easing the ache of where had been tugging minutes before.

“Are you okay?” Azriel asked quietly, and I couldn’t fight the smile that tugged at my lips as I glanced forward to him, seated between my legs, hands rubbing at my thighs, and a worried frown on his lips.

“Remember when I said you would know when I was worn out?” I whispered, my voice sore as I rose onto my elbows, a soft laugh escaping me when both their eyes dropped to my breasts, shaking with the movement.

“This is me worn out,” I bite my lip, and the way their faces brighten, the way they both smile- it was pure masculine satisfaction, the most Fae male thing they could do.

“Then it seems we did our jobs, angel,” Cassian winks, settling so that I was leaning against his chest now, my head dropping against his still-racing heart. I felt my cheeks heat, but I smiled as he ducked his head, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips.

I groaned as Azriel’s hands began massaging across my body, from my calves to my thighs, up my hips and waist, over my arms and shoulders, until his body was towering above me, hazel eyes glinting like stars.

“It’s also our job to take care of you after wearing you out, Y/N,” Az whispered, a small grin tilting his lips, and my heart fluttered, so full of light, as he kissed me, just as pure and careful as Cassian had.

“Just relax, sweetheart.” 

____________________________________

@mis-lil-red @hyemishii @assaultsofthought @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @loveareum @infintyfandoms @sarawritestories @eerievixen @nyotamalfoy @lewsnumerounofan @dreaming-about-fanfictions @sarawritestories @nottyourlover @bbycowboi @morganwdarius

Comment to be added to the tag list!

Taking requests!

[kncrowder88]

You know what I want to dig into .... Star Trek Prodigy S2 .... and here is going to be my first post on it. (spoilers under the cut)

As a fan of Star Trek since I could even remember ... I have always been drawn in by the characters of Trek. I could go on and on about the way TNG, its movies, and the TOS movies were there for me in my formative years and helped me throughout my life. Then go on again about how I found the other shows as I got older and did a complete Trek watch in 2012 exposing myself to ALL of Star Trek and finding myself enthralled by the USS Voyager and its Captain Kathryn Janeway.

For me, I was already thrilled when Prodigy was announced because as a kid no show for kids ever really appealed to me but a Star Trek show that would have had me running for the television every single moment it aired (not that I wasn't doing the same for TNG). The announcement that Janeway was going to be in it was honestly just a bonus. Kathryn Janeway was my guide, my beacon in the dark ... and to have her be that for the children made so much sense to me.

Season one dropped and aired in the final weeks of my fathers life, its second half of the season coming in like a beacon in the dark of my grief and depression during that time. Janeway once more was there for me, and along with her were the amazing children leading this show. Each of these children faced their own difficulties and challenges, they grew and learned to become something more than they were at the start of the season. Waiting for season two was difficult but it was easy when I knew that it would be worth it. And it was ...

Since I finished season two the hug between Beverly Crusher and Wesley Crusher has sat with me. Its brought me to tears, to smiles, to feeling as if the world can and will be okay again. I saw the family I viewed as my space family reunited on screen once more and immediately thought of my father ... of my own mother (who is still around and also shares a love a Trek just as my father did). The found family within Prodigy reminds me so much of how I myself found a family within Trek as a child, watching Beverly Crusher and seeing her as a mother on my screen. Watching Wesley and listening as he received guidance from the crew around him, wondering what it would be like to be him. TNG was my space family - Beverly my chosen space mom.

And Prodigy brought the reunion I needed to see before my eyes all while crafting another family on the screen that I - as an adult - adore and love so much that I view them as family once more.

On top of all this ... the show repeatedly gave mention to Picard in various ways (not just the series but also the Captain). I love the way that Admiral Janeway makes a comment about promising Admiral Picard she won't lose Voyager-A. The way that when she talks to Beverly it becomes "Jean-Luc" she asks about, professionalism slipping just a little (something that for Janeway is very integral to her character), and when she is called back to Starfleet because of the Mars attack the first thing she asks is about Admiral Picard.

To me, it is clear that its not just the kids that have a found family and its not just Janeway Voyager crew that is a found family being called back to .... Janeway's devotion and family being Starfleet is being echoed within the way she speaks of Picard. The way that she tells Wesley to go to his mother. I just love the subtle nuances being put into the show centering on the bond of family. Not just those of blood but those you chose. The sheer love, devotion, care, and so much more shown within the characters and between the various characters says so much. I greatly appreciate what Star Trek Prodigy is doing with this particular theme. And I cannot wait to see where it goes from here.

[goosewriting]

Wherever you go, I go - part 3

summary: after finally getting the Astrium, it’s time to retrieve the holocron on Bogano. things don’t go as planned. 

relationship: Cal Kestis x GN reader

warnings: mentions of blood, reader gets a beating (i’m sorry), fluff

word count: 4.1k 

A/N: with his one i wanted to try challenging myself to more action scenes i think,, i started it so long ago lmao anyways i’m happy with how it turned out :D enjoy the final part to this series~

Navigation: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (you're here)

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — —

After landing, the ramp of the Mantis hits the ground with a heavy ‘clunk’. You step out first, hopping down onto the swampy grass and taking in Bogano’s landscape of platforms and meadows. Taking a couple of steps to the side you make place for the rest of the crew to get off the ship as well.

“I’m having a déjà vu,” you say, breathing in the humid air and placing your hands on your hips. 

“Well, I’d like to think we’re more prepared than the first time we came here,” Cal replies, coming to stand next to you, taking in the view as well. 

“Yeah, at least this time I know about the wall-running ahead of time,” you quip, teasingly jabbing your elbow into this side. 

“You really won’t let me live that down, will you?” Cal says with a playful roll of his eyes and huffs a laugh.

“Nope,” you confirm. “Never ever.” 

Merrin joins the two of you, looking out at the unfamiliar landscape.

“Not quite like Dathomir, huh?” you ask, turning to face her, and she shakes her head with a smile.

“Is it how you imagined?” Cal asks the Nightsister. “The rest of the galaxy, I mean.”

“It is so vast,” she replies, scanning the horizon one last time before turning to look at the two of you. “I see now my life on Dathomir was…  limited.”

“I felt the same way about leaving Bracca,” Cal offers, and he takes a moment to look over to you with a somewhat sad smile before turning back to Merrin. “The world can feel small when you're trapped by the past.” 

Merrin slowly nods her head, thinking over his words. Greez and Care call Cal to them, and he excuses himself. 

“I think I will like my time aboard the Mantis,” Merrin concludes, shooting you a small smile.

“It’s great to have you on board,” you say, placing your hand on her shoulder to give a reassuring squeeze, then you join the others. You catch the last part of what Cere is telling Cal.

“Just be careful,” she warns, her tone serious, and she points at the redhead and BD. “This might be unlike anything you two have faced before.”

“Thanks,” Cal says and places his arm around your shoulders as you approach. “We're ready. All of us.”

Cere looks the three of you into the eyes sternly for a few moments, then her face relaxes a bit.

“Take care of each other,” is her last instruction.

“Always,” you reply, and she leaves with a short nod.

“So,” you say, clasping your hands together once it’s just the three of you out here and the rest went back inside the ship. You look up at Cal with a slight tilt of your head. “Where to?”

“Your favourite,” he quips, pointing at the structure that can be seen in the distance.

“Great, the vault again,” you remark, starting to walk beside him towards the edge of the platform. “Or more like void. Since, you know, you like to disappear in there.”

Cal merely shakes his head with a chuckle in response. He hops down the edge to the platform below, helping you down, just like the first time you were here. At least this time you actually know the way, so you make the trek to the vault in record time, wall-running and all. 

As you’re walking along the narrow part of the slope leading up to the vault, you take in the magnitude of the structure. Just like the first time you saw it, even you could feel something surrounding it, like an air of importance. Next to you, Cal suddenly shudders, and you shoot him a questioning glance. 

“I’m… sensing something weird,” he says with furrowed brows, looking to the sides.

“Is it a presence?” you ask, looking over your shoulder to make sure there wasn’t anyone else on the platform. “Did someone follow us?”

“No, no, it’s…” Cal takes a deep breath. “This is gonna sound strange, but I think it’s the Astrium.”

You raise a questioning brow at him.

“The closer we get to the vault, the stronger it feels,” he explains.

“It feels stronger? Like it’s being pulled away or more like it’s going to explode?” you ask with a chuckle, but it dies out quickly, and you look at him more seriously. “It’s not gonna explode, right?”

“No, it isn’t” Cal assures you as he climbs the last bit of the path up to the vault and extends his hand for you to grab. You let him pull you up. “It’s hard to explain.”

“I know,” you say with a smile. “I’m just messing with you.”

You both stand in front of the vault, the gate already open from last time. And it’s just as pitch black in there as it was before. You take a deep breath and turn to face Cal.

“This is it,” you start and take his hands in yours. “Before you go, I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you, of how far you’ve come. Not only have you become stronger in terms of your use of the Force and the skills with your lightsaber, but also in heart and mind.”

Cal gives your hands a squeeze, and his soft smile burns right through all of the doubts you could have had about the mission ahead. 

“And most importantly,” you continue. “I am incredibly grateful that I was there with you to witness all of it.��� 

Cal’s gaze drifts to the side, the tips of his ears burning in adorable pink, and he looks into the narrow entrance to the vault, evidently feeling the pull from the other side. Then he turns back to you with one of his rare, warm smiles. 

“Thanks for sticking around this long,” he whispers.

“Oh, you’re not getting rid of me any time soon,” you retort, grabbing onto his poncho to pull him down so you can place a gentle kiss on his cheek. But Cal is quick to turn at the last second, catching your lips with his and getting a proper good luck kiss. He feels like he needs it right now. 

You pull away from him with a chuckle, taking a step back to make place.

“You better take care of him down there, BD,” you tell the droid, and he reassuringly beeps. “I’ll be waiting for you right here, okay?”

After shooting one last look in your direction over his shoulder, Cal slips into the darkness and disappears. You stand there for a few seconds, and let out a sigh. Unsure of how long this will take, you decide to at least get somewhat comfortable. 

You walk up to the entrance of the vault, standing at the edge and looking out at the horizon. You close your eyes, feeling the gentle breeze of Bogano on your skin, taking in the planet’s sounds: tall grass swaying in the wind, the distant rumble of an oggdo, a waterfall rushing into the emptiness beneath you, and… TIE fighters? You open your eyes and see several troops of Imperial forces navigating over the platforms towards the vault. 

Feeling like the breath got suddenly knocked out of your lungs, you step back inside the structure to hide from their view. Hopefully they haven’t seen you yet. But that wouldn't take long. Once they reach the vault, they'll find you. There’s nowhere to hide, no back exit. You quickly grab your commlink from your pocket, trying to contact the Mantis, but as you feared, all communications have been jammed. 

You’re on your own. 

Moments later, the inevitable happens, and a group of Scout Troopers appears at the vault. They completely overpower you, and you’re essentially defenceless. Even though you know that he probably can’t hear you, you call out for Cal. The leader of the group punches you in the gut, making you double over in pain with a grunt, and two others grab onto your arms on either side of you. They drag you out onto the slope, all the way to the opposite side of the platform the vault sits upon. When Cal gets out of there and looks out, you’d be in the centre of his view. 

The Troopers give you a beating, and you’re left on your knees in the mud, cuffed wrists behind your back, and a Purge Trooper harshly holds you by the collar of your shirt, his other hand holding his electrostaff upright next to him. Your head is pounding, and you can feel a couple of droplets of blood fall from your nose to the ground. You watch as the red swirls mix into the mud, ending in an ugly brownish colour. You bitterly smile to yourself at the thought that if you had to describe your current feeling and mood with a colour, that would probably be the one.

A female voice tears you from your thoughts. The hand grabbing your collar pulls you up roughly, and when you manage to focus your eyesight, you’re met with the condescending look of the Second Sister. She gives you a once over with a scoff and the light shake of her head, then turns to the Purge Trooper holding you.

“Wait for the Jedi to come out,” she instructs, pointing at you with her lightsaber, and you can feel the sizzling energy just a couple inches away from your face. “Then kill this one so he can watch.” 

“Understood.” The Purge Trooper gives a curt nod with his helmet.

As the Inquisitor makes her way towards the vault, the Trooper grabs the hair at the back of your head, pulling hard to make you look up at him, and you can’t help the pained groan that escapes you. 

“You better behave and not do anything stupid,” his voice is menacing despite being modulated through the helmet. He lets his staff crackle with energy to get his point across.

“Got it,” you spit out at him, and he goes back to holding your collar instead of your head. 

A few seconds pass, where you try to come up with a plan as soon as possible. Unfortunately, your odds aren’t looking good right now. You’re sure you could take some of these Troopers one on one, but the whole group? You’d get yourself killed in an instant. You close your eyes in resignation, weighing out your options, when you hear steps approaching you. Opening your eyes and giving the best glare you can muster with a beat up face, you look up at the Scout Trooper.

“You look awfully familiar,” he says, taking out a bounty puck from his belt pocket. He activates it and it shows a rotating holo profile of some guy who crossed the Empire at some point. The Trooper swipes over the image, going through several of these profiles, all labelled “WANTED”, followed by the sum of money offered for their capture. With each swipe, the number increases. He quickly zips through various faces until he goes “ah”, and backtracks two, ending up on your profile. 

“Well, well, well,” he starts, holding the puck next to your face to compare it to the image. “If it isn’t the thief. I knew I had seen your sorry face before. So this is where you’ve been hiding.” 

You look at the rotating profile and scoff, looking up at the Trooper defiantly. 

“I’m worth more than that.”

“Not anymore, you’re not,” the Scout Trooper retorts with a dry chuckle, putting the puck back and reaching for his blaster instead. You feel the grip on your collar tighten in anticipation in case you try breaking free of his hold.

“Pathetic thief,” the Purge Trooper now chimes in and he activates his staff, the purple zaps of electricity crackling loudly.

“Not as pathetic as your fellow Troopers that let me rob them blind under their very noses,” you spit with a groan, the pull on your collar starting to choke you. “The Rebellion thanks you for your donation of food and supplies–”

Smack!

A hit right across your face with the Trooper’s blaster. You breathe through gritted teeth, waiting for the pulsing stings of pain on your lip and nose to pass. The Troopers keep calling you names, and now having been fully pushed to the ground, they start giving you another proper beating. You curl in on yourself to the best of your abilities to shield your ribs from their blows, but with your arms tied behind your back that’s proving to be difficult. 

You have no idea how the Force works, but you try your best to put the pain aside to focus on channelling something inside you, in an attempt to reach out to the Jedi.

Cal.

The Scout Trooper kicks your side, and you yelp out in pain.

Please, help me.

The Purge Trooper turns you around with the heel of his boot, so that you’re lying on your back and able to look up at them. 

I need you.

You blink repeatedly, trying to get the tears and mud out of your eyes. It’s blurry, but you can see the electrostaff going up into the air, charging up, and about to hit you full force. You close your eyes, almost about to accept your fate. That’s when you feel it. Feel him. 

In the split second before impact, your eyes shoot open and you roll onto your side, effectively evading the staff, which stabs into the ground right next to you. The Purge Trooper yells out in frustration, but before he can do anything, his companion goes flying against him, the force of impact throwing them both onto the ground in a pile of limbs and grunts. 

You sit up and turn around, seeing Cal standing at the entrance of the vault with his arm extended towards you. Either he took care of the Second Sister in there, or you missed her leaving. Either way, you feel relief wash over you. With Cal drawing everyone’s fire towards him, it creates a chance for BD to hurry over to you and open the cuffs. 

“Thanks, buddy,” you say and get up to your feet, rubbing over the dark marks on your wrists. “Now go help him!” At your tone, BD trills loudly and scurries away back to Cal. 

You hear a “Hey!” from behind you, and you turn around. Both Troopers from earlier are getting up as well, and they look mad. The electrostaff, which is still standing upright from how deep it got impaled into the ground, crackles lightly, and you grin wickedly. Grabbing the staff, you ignore the ache and pulsating pain all over your body and pull with all your might, getting it out of the ground. 

You can hear the shouts and weapons of the rest of the squadron by the vault. You don’t need to look to know Cal is kicking their collective butts. So you decide to have a little fun before he reaches you. Taking a deep breath, you correct your grip on the weapon and get into a fighting stance. The Troopers exchange a look and laugh dryly.

“Must have hit them too hard on the head,” the Scout Trooper sneers as he reaches for his blaster.

“You don’t actually think you can beat us, do you?” the Purge Trooper mocks you, letting his guard down ever so slightly at the sight before him.

“Oh, I know I can’t,” you say, relaxing your pose to casually lean onto the staff instead, which confuses the troopers. “But he can.” You point at something behind the two, and as they turn around, they’re met with one big, fat oggdo. 

“What the–” The Scout Trooper doesn’t get to finish his sentence as the creature’s tongue darts out at light speed towards him, sticking to the armour and pulling him back to an awaiting mouth full of sharp teeth. The crunching sound it makes and the shriek the man lets out as the beast chomps down on him are more than enough to convince you to turn heel and run. 

Just as you had thought judging by the sounds of the lightsaber and dwindling blaster shots, Cal is all about done with the group of Troopers that attacked him, the platform littered with limp bodies in white armour. 

“A little help?!” you shout as you run towards him full speed, balancing the staff at your side to the best of your abilities as you aren’t used to the weight. You can see how Cal doesn’t even get to catch his breath, because when he turns to you, his face shifts from relief, to confusion, to surprise and to urgency in a matter of milliseconds. 

“Get behind me!” Cal instructs you, using a Force push on the Purge Trooper to send him back a couple steps. Only then do you realise how close he actually was to catching you; oh, you’d get an earful of Cal later for sure about being reckless and impulsive, or something like that. And to be completely honest, right now, that’s something you’d look forward to, because it would mean you both make it out of here alive. 

Cal makes quick work of the unarmed Trooper, throwing the body into the oggdo’s face to distract it for a moment. After a couple of calculated jumps around the creature, accompanied by slashes of his lightsaber, both the man and the beast fall dead on the ground. He stands there pointing his weapon at the oggdo for a couple more seconds, just to make sure it’s dead dead. Once he’s sure, his stance falters, and he takes a pained step back, holding his side. Looking around, he concludes that everyone has been taken care of, and he can finally come to you.

You’re sitting on the ground, holding your own ribs, pretty sure that something in there isn’t where it’s supposed to be. Now that the adrenaline is starting to subside, you can feel, well, everything. And the feeling is ‘ouch’. 

Cal hastily approaches you, falling to his knees next to you, and he hugs you to him. You groan in pain at the pressure, and he immediately lets go.

“Sorry, I- Are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt? Where?” he bombards you with questions. Even BD’s concerned beeps come so quickly one after the other that you can’t make out a single word he’s saying. 

“I’ll live,” you groan to shut him up. “More importantly, what happened down there? Did you find the holocron? What happened with the Inquisitor?”

Cal’s face falls, and you kinda regret asking him like that. So he doesn’t have the holocron, you deduce from the way his eyebrows furrow together. 

“Cal…” You reach up to cup his face, and he leans into your touch. “Whatever happened down there, we’re still here. We get to fight another day.” You hold his face, making him look at you. “We’ll get it back.”

“But at what cost,” he mumbles, taking in your beaten up form. His hand comes up to wipe away some of the grime and dried blood from your cheek ever so gently. 

“Insignificant, given what’s at stake,” you try to reassure him, but your answer doesn’t sit well with him.

“C’mon,” you say, trying to get up to your feet, but you wince in pain, and Cal helps you up. “We have to get back to the Mantis. Comms are down.”

BD beeps concernedly from behind Cal’s back, and you shoot him a weak smile with a thumbs up. Leaning on Cal for support and using the electrostaff as a walking stick of sorts, you take a couple wobbly steps until you find a good rhythm to walk on your own.

The trek back to the Mantis takes longer than it probably should have, not only because of the state you’re both in (mainly you though), but also because all of Bogano seems to have been infested with Imperial forces. Every platform is swarming with Stormtroopers, and it saddens you to no end. A planet that was hidden from the Empire will now probably be exploited by it until there’s only rubble left. 

Cal fights off all enemies, clearing the way to the ship and helping you navigate the place. When you finally reach the Mantis, Cal sits you down on the sofa by the small round table, and you throw your new staff on the opposite side. Greez would have been mad because of the dirt and blood you’re bringing in, but when he sees in what shape you are, he shuts right up and tells Merrin to go get some supplies from the first aid kit instead, disappearing in the cockpit after to get the ship into the air. Merrin gets you patched up as well as she can; there’s only so much a pack of bacta patches can do. You should probably be heading to a hospital soon. After she’s done, she joins the captain in the cockpit, and it’s just the three of you left around the table. 

All the while, Cal talks to Cere, telling her how he saw what happened between her and Trilla. Only then do you realise that he has an extra lightsaber on him, one with a half-circle shaped handle. You grimace at both the sting of the bacta on your wounded skin, as well as the thought of how harrowing that psychometry touch must have been for Cal. 

He apologises to Cere for being arrogant, saying he could never understand what they went through, and that Trilla took the holocron to who knows where. Cere insists that the path Trilla is on is her fault, but Cal counters that such mistakes are in the past and the important part is what we do next.

She knows where Trilla is taking the holocron though, a fortress where they take Jedi to make them Inquisitors. The thought alone of such a place makes you shudder. And Cere doesn’t seem ecstatic to be going back there either, as she barely escaped the place all those years ago.

“You won’t be going alone,” Cal reassures Cere. “You’ll have a friend with you.”

“No,” she says, and you look up at her confused. “I’ll have a Jedi with me.”

Your breath hitches at the realisation of what you’re about to witness, and you sit up a little straighter. 

“Kneel”, Cere instructs, and Cal follows. 

Igniting Trilla’s lightsaber, which hums in bright red, she hovers the blade over Cal’s shoulder, then the other, and then above his head. 

“By the right of the Council, by the will of the Force. Cal Kestis,” she speaks, lowering the lightsaber at her side. “Rise, Jedi Knight.”

Cal stands up to his feet, looking over to you, and you can’t help the stream of tears falling down your cheeks. You’re so glad you didn’t pass out earlier. 

“You’re ready,” Cere states with one last nod, then heads to the cockpit to give Greez the needed coordinates. 

Cal sits down onto the sofa next to you, and you embrace him in the tightest hug you can do right now. He hugs you right back. 

“I’m so proud of you, Cal, I-” your voice cracks as you sob. “These are happy tears, I swear.”

Cal smiles down at you, holding your face and smoothing over your cheekbones with his thumbs. He looks into your eyes for a moment, then leans in to kiss you deeply. It’s one of those kisses where there are so many things to say that words would never suffice to convey the message, so you hope that you can get across all your intentions and hopes and fears this way instead. When he breaks the kiss, he sighs deeply and presses his forehead to yours.

“I heard you,” he whispers. You pull back to give him a confused look. “When you called out to me while I was in the vault. I heard your call.”

“W-Wait, really?” you ask in disbelief. He nods with a smile. 

“And you came to me,” you whisper, partially confused by his confession, but also relieved to know it worked. 

After a moment, his smile fades and is replaced by a worried expression.

“The place we're going to, what we're about to do,” Cal explains. “It won’t be easy.”

“I know,” you reply, placing a kiss on his jaw, then hugging around his torso and settling into his chest. “But I’ll be here for you every step of the way. I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again: I’ll follow you to the end of the world if you ask me to.”

“Just… maybe sit this one out? Until you’re healed again,” he chuckles, pressing his cheek to the top of your head and hugging you a little closer to him. 

“Hmm,” you feign thinking it over. “Yeah, actually. I’ll follow you to the end of the world tomorrow. After a good, long nap.”

“Sounds good to me,” Cal laughs.

~~~~~

🐥 taglist: [more info in my pinned post!] @dybynyght, @galaxtic-writings, @kalea-bane, @soka-writes-things, @padawancat97, @riddikulus-obsessions, @optimisticprime3, @starilicious, @ivelostmyabilitytoeven @alternatescififandomelover

[sluttywonwoo]

instead of you [part seven] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either. 

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex

word count: 3.6k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!! ; i know minho is the chef of the group but just suspend your disbelief for this series and pretend it’s jisung

series masterlist | early access to the next chapter on ko-fi

The following morning came way too fast for your liking. Jisung snoozed his alarm three times and you were still passed out by the time he finally shook you awake. You followed the plan that he’d outlined, using makeup to cover the hickey as best you could. You could still see some purple peeking through if you squinted, but you hoped no one would look at your neck that closely. 

Since you’d worn matching t-shirts yesterday you weren’t being forced to coordinate outfits today. You didn’t even pay attention to the clothes you threw on before you were tying your hair out of your face and walking out the door with Jisung. 

You held his hand, half out of habit, half to steady yourself. You were even more sore than you had been yesterday, like you had predicted, and were having trouble staying upright. 

The rest of the Hans were already in the lobby waiting for you to join them. 

Dom took notice of your wobbly state right away as you stumbled down the stairs with Jisung’s help and cracked a smile. “Can you walk?” he joked. 

Both Minho and Felix whipped their attention towards you but avoided your eyes, expressions unreadable. You could feel Jisung smirking behind you, his hand resting on the small of your back. 

You just grinned sheepishly and nodded. “I’m just sore from yesterday, that’s all.” 

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Jisung’s brothers exchange a look and you wanted to die in the spot. You knew they thought you were lying, knew they thought you were sore for a completely different reason. You clearly hadn’t thought your plans from last night through, because this was mortifying. 

“Well do some stretches because we’re going to be doing a lot more walking today,” he exclaimed cheerfully. 

“I’ll be sure to do that,” you promised him half-heartedly, cheeks burning. 

-

You and Jisung lagged behind the rest of the group, like usual, as Dom and Nikki led the way to the first stop of the day. You paused for breakfast at a different, but similar, café and Minho ordered an assortment of baked goods for the six of you to share. Everyone was quiet as they ate, exhaustion already starting to take its toll on the family. 

You were only one day in and your energy was fading. Thankfully, there would be a few days of rest between France and Italy, but until then you were stuck running on empty. 

-

You almost strangled Minho when he elected to take the stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower instead of taking the elevators, but kept your composure and settled for mumbling complaints to yourself as you trekked up the 1665 stairs with the rest of the Hans. 

“How are you not sore?” you groaned, low enough so that only Jisung would hear. 

“I am, I’m just not dramatic about it like some people.”

“I will push you off of this goddamn tower right fucking now,” you threatened. 

Your best friend gave you an amused look. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Don’t test me.”

“I’m used to this,” Jisung explained. “Twenty-something years of Han Family Vacations trained me for this moment.”

“Do you guys ever just go to the beach?”

“We do. But there’s lots to do at the beach too. Surfing, volleyball, football, jet skiing, snorkeling, scuba diving-”

“Oh my god, do you people know how to relax?”

“No, not really. It’s not something we’re particularly good at.”

“I guess that explains why you’re all good at everything else.”

If you thought you were winded by the time you made it to the second level of the structure, it was nothing compared to when you reached the top. Your legs felt like jelly and your lungs were on fire. You also felt like you might be sick but that had more to do with your debilitating fear of heights than it did with being winded. 

At least you were able to take comfort in the fact that everyone else was also out of breath. Felix was even doubled over with his hands on his knees, wincing like he had just been kicked in the stomach. 

“Yup, definitely going to feel that tomorrow,” Minho grunted, stretching an arm across his chest. 

“And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself,” you added bitterly. 

He dropped his arm and smiled at you, cocking his head to the side in a playful manner. Sweat had started to gather along his brow, making his bangs stick to his forehead. His hair was a bit lighter than Jisung’s, and not as wild. From what you could tell Minho didn’t make as much effort to style his hair as Jisung did, at least, if he didn’t have anywhere important to go. Minho could get away with leaving his hair down straight, while Jisung had to fight with his curls in the mirror for a minimum of fifteen minutes before he considered himself presentable. He’d let it grow past his shoulders if you let him, but whenever it began to curl up around his ears you always begged him to cut it, insisting that a mullet wouldn’t do him any favors. 

Minho was still smiling at you and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him. 

“What?” you demanded. 

“Nothing,” he said earnestly, shaking his head. “I’m just surprised you still have a voice, that’s all.”

There went your face again, burning with embarrassment. You could feel Minho’s gaze on your neck and brought your hand up to it subconsciously, fingers brushing over where Jisung had given you the hickey. Had you already sweat your makeup off? It wouldn’t surprise you given the heat and amount of exercise you had just done. 

But if Jisung had noticed it, he didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t say anything else about last night for the rest of the day. 

“Want a drink?” Jisung piped up from behind you, putting a hand on your waist. 

“I already have a water bottle,” you replied in confusion. 

“No, like a drink,” he clarified and tipped his hand towards his mouth with his thumb and pinky out, nodding at something behind him. 

It was a champagne bar, and it had just opened for the day, but there was already a significant line formed at the counter. It seemed as if all of the visitors were eager to start day drinking as soon as humanly possible. 

You considered Jisung’s suggestion and shrugged. When were you going to get the chance to drink champagne on top of the Eiffel Tower again? And if everyone was doing it, you might as well join…

Jisung rallied his brothers to go order for your party while you waited with his parents. Dom and Nikki decided to go look out over the edge of the balcony while you stayed back, having already pushed the limits with your fear of heights. You people-watched instead, observing the numerous couples and families enjoying their vacations. 

You felt a tap on your shoulder and turned around to Jisung offering you a flute of rose champagne. The glass was cold to the touch and it soothed your warm skin. You clinked your glass against his in cheers and took a small sip. The bubbles felt good on your throat and you had to remind yourself not to chug the rest in front of Jisung’s family. Despite what they already knew about you, you still wanted to keep up appearances as much as possible. 

“This is pretty romantic, isn’t it?” Jisung remarked, staring off at the surrounding city.

“It would be if I wasn’t sweating my ass off,” you sighed. 

He chuckled and shook his head. “The alcohol is just going to make it worse.” 

“I know,” you groaned, “but it’s cold and it makes my brain feel tingly so I’m going to ignore that.”

“A couple more of these and you won’t be able to walk back down the stairs.”

“I’m already not able to walk back down the stairs. I can barely feel my fucking legs,” you complained, taking a bigger sip of your champagne. 

“Maybe we should have trained you for this,” Jisung joked. “Like how athletes train for marathons or something.”

“I don’t think it would’ve helped,” you admitted.

He shrugged and downed the last of his drink in one go. “Guess we’ll never know.”

-

You and Jisung spent your free day roaming around the city by yourselves. You visited the bookstore Minho had told you about and Jisung bought you a couple of books- despite your protests. He insisted that it was part of his duties as your fake boyfriend as well as compensation for agreeing to be his fake girlfriend and who were you to deny him? You actually did try to deny him, several times. But he was annoying enough to get you to break so you let him buy you some paperbacks off of your to-read list and a French translation of your favorite novel. 

By the evening you were both too tired to stray much further than where you had found yourselves so you were content to stay put and wander the surrounding streets together. 

Notre Dame was across the street from the book shop so you made your way over there so that you could stare up at it in awe. The cathedral was still closed for construction so there wasn’t much to do there other than take a picture in front of it while making an obscene gesture at the camera. 

After that Jisung led you down the steps to the Seine river where you sat in comfortable silence together. You perched yourselves on the edge of the water, Jisung sitting cross-legged with you laying your head in his lap, and left each other to your own devices. You started reading one of your new books and Jisung pulled out his camera to capture what was happening around you.

The sun was beginning to set behind the tall arched roofs, bathing the city in soft pinkish-orange light. The water was too choppy to make out a proper reflection of the sunset, but you could still catch glimpses of pink clouds and fading blue sky if you really tried. 

Slowly, the noise and life around you died down along with daylight. Pedestrians and bikers were fewer and fewer until there were hardly any at all. You and Jisung waved to the ferries and party boats as they passed, delighting in the blinking lights and honking horns you got in return. 

It wasn’t long until Jisung convinced you to pack up your things with him to head back to the hotel. You slept in the taxi on the way home.

-

The rest of the French leg of the vacation consisted of a bus trip to Versailles, a day exploring the historical neighborhoods of Provence, and an afternoon getting lost in Cassis before you were getting your passport stamped at the Port du Cassis to travel to Italy. 

Italy was Jisung’s choice, being the foodie of the group. He was interested in the touristy stuff too, but his main motivation for choosing Italy was the culinary aspect.

You wouldn’t arrive for a couple of days though, since you were traveling by fucking yacht. The plan was to set sail from Cassis and take the scenic route through the Mediterranean Sea all the way to Venice. 

You had been in shock when you first stepped on board the Fallin’ Flower and you were still shocked an hour later once you had been dismissed to unpack. You had never been on a yacht before and you weren’t entirely convinced that you were on one now. You thought you might have been dreaming. 

“What do your parents do again?” you mumbled in disbelief as you settled into your own little cabin with Jisung. 

“Uh, Dad’s a writer. He does some stand-up comedy. Mom’s got her own photography business.”

You looked up at the crystal chandelier above the bed. “Are you sure your family doesn’t have any gang affiliation?”

Jisung laughed and shook his head. “You still haven’t figured it out?”

“Figured what out?”

“Minho.”

“What about Minho?”

“He’s the one paying for most of this.”

“What? How? He’s only like twenty-something!”

“He’s a dancer.”

“Like on Broadway?”

“Try K-pop.”

“Damn,” you whispered, feeling almost numb with shock that your best friend was related to someone famous. “Is he any good?”

“A lot of people seem to think so,” he said with a shrug. “Nowadays he mostly choreographs for groups but he used to be a backup dancer for BTS and is pretty well known in the industry and related circles, especially among their fans.”

Suddenly it all made sense. The Audi, the yacht- why Minho always had his hood up like he wanted to blend in. A fucking K-pop idol. Kind of. 

“You probably don’t remember this,” Jisung added after a moment’s pause, “but when we first met I asked if you liked K-pop.”

“And that’s how you decided if we could be friends or not,” you concluded.

Jisung nodded. “You said you’d never listened to a single song. So I knew you’d like me for me.”

“Do people really try to use you just to get to your brother?” you asked.

“You’d be surprised.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is.”

Silence fell between the two of you as you continued to put away your things. 

“I can’t believe you never told me your brother is famous.” 

“I know. I’m sorry,” he sighed. “Are you mad?” 

You considered your answer before you said it. It did sting a little that Jisung wouldn’t tell you something as big as this, you were under the impression that you told each other everything, but you understood why. Even though it made it seem like he didn’t completely trust you. 

“No,” you answered finally. “I’m not mad. I’m a little hurt, we’ve been friends for so long, but I get why you wouldn’t want to tell me.”

“It’s not that I thought you’d see me differently, or ditch me for my brother, but I was selfish. I wanted to keep you to myself for as long as possible.” His admission took you by surprise but made you feel warm regardless, even if it didn’t fully make sense to you. “It was never about you,” he assured you. “It was always about him.”

You nodded and cleared your throat awkwardly. Neither of you had ever been very good at the deep stuff. 

“I think I’m going to go lay out on the deck,” you said, grabbing one of your bikinis from your open suitcase. “You wanna come?”

Jisung declined, mumbling something about a sunburn waiting to happen, and opted to nap in the cabin instead. He promised to join you later and laid back on the bed, left arm covering his eyes. 

You changed into your swimsuit and made your way up to the top deck of the boat where Nikki and Minho were laid out in sun chairs already, chatting about the view of the water. 

“Y/n!” Nikki exclaimed when you entered her field of vision. She sat up and pushed her sunglasses back to look at you properly. “I’m so glad to see you up and about, come join us!”

You swallowed thickly and approached the two, sitting gingerly on the edge of a lounge chair across from them. Minho shot you a glance and smiled easily. You waited for the weird feeling or the nervousness to come, now that you knew more about who he really was, but it didn’t. He was still just Minho to you. You were much more nervous talking to Jisung’s mom. 

“Where’s Jisung?” Nikki asked, voicing what Minho must’ve also been thinking.

“He’s resting in our room,” you explained. “I wanted to catch a bit of sun before it set so it’s just me for now.”

“That’s good too,” she said, her smile matching Minho’s. “I’ve been meaning to tell you how happy I am that you’re tagging along with us!”

“I think you told her, mum,” Minho pointed out, sounding embarrassed on Jisung’s behalf. 

“I know, but I just meant that the more I get to know you the more I can see why you make Jisung so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy.”

You felt a pang of guilt twist in your chest, another one of those nagging thoughts telling you that what you were doing was wrong. It’s true that you made Jisung happy, just not in the way his mom thought. 

“I don’t know if he told you this,” she continued, “but we’ve never met one of his girlfriends. So when he told us about you-”

“Mom,” Minho interrupted, sliding his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose to give her a look. 

Nikki pursed her lips together and took the cue from her eldest. “Sorry, I won’t embarrass Jisung anymore while he isn’t here to defend himself.”

“When he’s present it’s fair game?” you guessed. 

“Exactly. Same goes for all my boys.” The last part was clearly directed at Jisung who tsked in exasperation and put his AirPods in. 

You watched your best friend’s mother pick up the book that had been laying flat on her stomach and resume reading it, prompting you to fish a book of your own out from your tote bag. 

“Oh, hon, don’t forget to put on sunscreen,” Nikki reminded you suddenly, “you might not burn as easily as our family, but it’s still important to protect your skin. If you need some you can borrow some of ours.”

“That would be great, actually.” 

Nikki passed a tube of sunscreen to Minho who passed it to you. You smiled gratefully and immediately began applying the lotion to your arms and legs. You hoped Jisung’s mom didn’t think any less of you for forgetting something so important. You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal, but internally you were docking yourself points from the Hans’ overall impression of you. 

Once you covered every part of your body that you could reach you were left with a dilemma. You still needed sunscreen on your back. You could either ask your supposed boyfriend’s mom to help you apply it, or your supposed boyfriend’s older brother. Neither option was ideal, nor was walking all the way back downstairs and waking up the aforementioned supposed boyfriend just to put sunscreen on your back. 

You’d just ask his mom. No big deal. It was like asking an aunt, right? There was no reason you couldn’t-

When you looked back over to Nikki you realized that she had fallen asleep. Her book lay abandoned on her shoulder, likely still turned to the same page it had been when she last picked it up a few minutes ago. You debated waking her up, but decided against it.

It was fine. You could just burn. It wouldn’t be that big of a deal. You wouldn’t stay out in the sun for too long anyway…. but you knew Jisung would be mad at you if you did. And Nikki would be disappointed if she found out that you had gotten a sunburn literally right after she had told you to put sunblock on. 

It wouldn’t be a big deal to ask Minho if you didn’t make it a big deal. All you had to do was get up the courage and-

“Do you need help?”

You almost screamed when you heard Minho break the silence. It was as if he could read your mind- not that it was hard to when you had your arms wrapped awkwardly around your torso, hands covered in white lotion trying to reach your back with little success. 

“Uh, yeah. Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

Minho stood from his chair and crossed the deck to yours where he situated himself behind you on the cushion, straddling the metal frame of the chair. He held one of his hands out for your to wipe the sunscreen off of yours so that he could apply it.

“I’m going to start with your neck, okay?” he asked. You nodded in response. “It might be a little cold.”

You braced yourself for his touch, but still tensed when you felt his fingers on your skin for the first time. The lotion was cold, and a shiver rolled down your spine as he began to rub it in. His hands were strong. It was impossible not to notice with the way he was massaging the sunscreen into your shoulders. Your breath hitched when he slid a finger under one of your bikini straps and pushed it to the side. He muttered a tight “sorry” as he worked on the areas that had been covered by the straps and quickly moved on to your lower back. 

You told him it was fine, but your voice was shaky. You tried to tell yourself that it was fine, but you were less convinced. 

Minho was a friend, friends did this for each other all the time. But your body was betraying you. Your heart was racing, and you couldn’t tell if it was from nerves or… something else. Something else that you wouldn’t let yourself think about. 

It wasn’t even that hot out, but you were sweating, and you prayed Minho couldn’t feel it. You breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled your straps back up to where they had been sitting on your shoulders, only for your relief to be cut short as he slipped his hand under the band across your back with more sunscreen.

And as luck would fucking have it another voice piped up from out of nowhere. A voice belonging to your best friend. 

“What did I miss?”

iou tags: @sluttywoozi @gimmeurtmi @phobia0325 @fwess @hipsdofafangirl @galaxleeknow @urmomma0324 @bangmechanpls @102598s @farfromsugafanfic @ritzy-roo @dimpledsatan @bvselines @wonderfulshinee @imwithurmother @smollquokka @rosexjimin @skizzel @endzii23 @lady-lena @kwanisms @ch4nniebang @lilramennoodle @babyphotos0325 @dearalice @sojohns @mistlitmoonlight @yoontaethings @babebatter @mal-lunar-28 @shy-kisu @zerefdragn33l @downbadreading @sana-within-you @saquso @bunnispaces @reianagarcia @hyunehans @imtoooyoungforthisshit @i8rsie @honeslykindahorny @214racha @hgema @chillllllli @vixensss @smhlino @feiyaa @borahae-reads @bigbearenergy @hoodiesandicedcoffee @darkacademic2512 @y00nzin0 @bunnispaces @i8yul @shinypieceofgarbage @woozarts @just-a-little-delulu @djeniryuu @hbzzzbork000 @mimzibee @sofiaslayed @kangyounghyunhands @lexxxxs-things @baejinswrld

add yourself to my taglist here!!

[mrs-harkness]

The Teacher’s Assistant

Part 1

Larissa Weems x Fem Normie Reader

Word count- 1566

Hey guys. First time writing for Wednesday, and in a while really so hopefully it isn’t too bad. I fell in love with Larissa and as a teacher assistant myself, this fic just happened. Reader is a little unaware at first, so give her some time. She is innocent. Larissa is out to get that. Hope you enjoy!  

The rain hit the conservatory windows with force, clouding any view you may have had of the students wandering around outside during classes. It was loud but calming, drowning out the world around you and even better, your thoughts. You sighed, content. It was hard being here sometimes. You were a "Normie" just like the teacher you worked with, Ms. Thornhill. You were the only ones in the school with no supernatural abilities. You were outcasts among the outcasts.

"Y/N, are you alright?" A voice from behind you came. "AHH!" You screamed, nearly jumping out of your skin. You turned around to see Ms. Thornhill, an amused look on her face. You swallowed and struggled to regain your composure, but you smiled anyway. "You okay?" Ms. Thornhill asked, gently placing a hand on your shoulder. You smile and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. You just startled me. Didn't hear you come in," you said, chuckling. Ms. Thornhill laughed in response. "I would say." You smiled and blushed. You loved working under Ms. Thornhill. She was so kind and felt slightly like a mentor or mother figure. You just trusted her and could tell she was a good person. She smiled lovingly and then drew in a breath, huffing."Well, I didn't come here just to scare the pants off you. Weems is looking for you."

Immediately your face fell. Principal Weems frightened you in a peculiar way that you couldn't exactly put your finger on. You tried to stay out of her way and especially her office, but you had been called there more times lately than you preferred. "Again? Did she say why?" Ms. Thornhill shook her head, smiling weakly. She could see Weems's new interest in you too, and the discomfort that followed every time. "She just said she needed to speak with you." You nodded, sighing. You put down the sheers in your hand onto the flower box and headed to the door. "Hey, Y/N. Don't worry about it. It just means she likes you," you heard Thornhill say from over your shoulder. You looked and smiled half-heartedly, nodding. 

You pushed open the door, stepping out into the wind and rain. It soaked through your clothes quickly. You had a feeling someone was watching you and looked up through wet eyelashes towards your destination: Ms. Weems's office. You weren't sure if it was the rain clouding your vision but you thought you saw Ms. Weems in her window, staring in your direction. The breath in your chest caught, and you blinked away the rain from your eyes. The figure in the distance was gone if it was ever truly there. You tried not to freak yourself out by convincing yourself she was watching and waiting for you, but you had this nagging feeling that wouldn't go away that she had been in the window hoping to see you come out of the greenhouse.

 You made the trek up to her door and paused. Maybe you could just say you had some work to catch up on with Marilyn and if you didn't do it, the class would be behind tomorrow. You knew it wouldn't work though. You can't avoid the boss when she's looking for you. You slowly raise your hand to knock on the door when suddenly it opens for you. Once again you jump, but this time thankfully no audible response. Out pops Wednesday Addams. She stops in her tracks, looking at you with her famous glare. She stays there for a moment before nodding slightly and passing by you. You believe that is a sign of her wishing you luck, but you were just glad she didn't absolutely hate you. Wednesday was enjoyable to be around in her own way and you wanted her tolerance. 

Once Wednesday was no longer blocking your view, you could see the headmistress standing at her window, searching. You were almost certain she was looking for you once again. You lightly knocked on the door, making her jump. She turned around quickly and when her eyes met yours, a smile spread across her face. "Ms. Y/n, come in. And please, shut the door behind you," she said in her deep and intoxicating voice.  No, not intoxicating. That would be weird. You pushed the door closed and listened as the latch clicked. Now you were truly alone. Your heart began to beat wildly in your chest as the heat began to crawl up the back of your neck and onto your cheeks. You slowly turned around to face her and saw her seated at the corner of her desk. She sat regally, back straight, and her long legs crossed at the knees with an almost sly smile painted on her face. You gulped and hoped it wasn't noticeable. Weems gestured towards the chairs in her office and you slowly sat down. You never took your eyes off her as you lowered yourself into the chair. Your eyes wandered down her legs, but you suddenly caught yourself stopping at her thighs. You immediately turned your head to the left, focusing on the flames of the fireplace instead. You didn't see Larissa's smile widen at this. There was a moment of silence before it began to feel like you were being stared at. You cleared your throat and turned back to Larissa. You smiled weakly and cleared your throat. "Ms. Thornhill said you wanted to see me?" you said, forcing your tone of voice to be as even as possible. "Yes, I wanted to check in with you to see how you were adjusting."

You cocked your eyebrow. That's what the last meeting was about. You licked your lips and you saw Larissa bite her lip. It seemed like all the breath left your lungs. Why were you so afraid of this woman?

“Uh, you know. As good as the last time you asked me," you said with a chuckle. It was Larissa's turn to blush now. You felt the corner of your mouth turn into a smile, but you quickly shoved it down back inside of you. 

"Oh silly me, I must have forgotten that conversation," she said, trailing off. She stood up and sauntered over to the fireplace.  Now it was your turn to bite your lip. This woman did things to you that you couldn't describe and you could only sum up to being intimidation. She stared at you for a moment before looking into the cackling flames of the fireplace.

 "I am a very busy woman so sometimes I forget, so please forgive me. But I didn't just call you up to my office to ask you about that. I was actually wondering if you were available on Friday night around 7 PM?"

"For what?" you immediately spat out. It came out harsh and you wanted to smack yourself.

 "For a meeting to sit down and discuss your duties and what more you could be doing around Nevermore," she said, very flat this time. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that," you said. You don't know why you said it but you didn't want her to think you were rude. That is the last thing you wanted. You didn't know why, maybe because she was your boss, but you wanted her to like you. She turned to you and her face softened. She nodded and walked over to your chair. You had to look up, allowing your eyes to travel slowly up her form before falling to lock eyes with her. She loomed over you and you gulped. This time you knew she see it. You couldn't be sure, but you thought she looked down at your mouth. Did you have something on your face?

"It's okay darling. And don't worry about discussing what you could be doing, it's more just like a 90-day review. You are doing wonders here and we are happy to have you. Especially me," She said this with a wink and everything in your body felt like it melted into a puddle. You were frightened and intrigued. Maybe spending time with the boss wasn't so bad. With that, Larissa left your side and went back to sit behind her intimidating desk in the center of the room. "So I will see you here at 7 PM on Friday?" she almost purred.

"Yes Mistress," you replied. This time she didn't try to hide the smirk that crossed her face. She regained her composure though and motioned to the door. 

"You may go now, darling. That is all I needed. I will see you on Friday."

With that you stood up and hurried towards the door, only turning back when you reached the large wooden frame. She was still looking at you, but instead of turning and meeting her eyes, you saw she was looking down. She was looking at your butt. You quickly turned around to face her completely. She quickly looked up a blush on her face to match yours. You covered your backside with your hands, walking out of the door backward to ensure that whatever she had seen was out of sight. The rain must have soaked through your clothes and your skirt must have shown the lines to your underwear. You had really managed to embarrass yourself. You shut the door immediately and leaned against it sighing. Despite being an utter mess during that whole thing, a smile slowly crept on to your face. Maybe you weren't as afraid of her as you thought, because the more you thought about it, the more your heart warmed.

  Friday. 7 Pm. Larissa. Me.

[dominickeating-source]

TrekGalaxy - "The final frontier has a new beginning." (2001)

Lt. Malcolm Reed: British, male, late twenties. Armoury Officer. In the new age of humanity's enlightenment, Reed is a bit of a throwback. He's a 22nd century 'soldier', all spit and polish and by-the-book. He maintains a rigorous daily schedule; when he isn't on duty, he's working out on a futuristic exercise apparatus he keeps in his quarters, or toiling in the munitions lab, perfecting some new kind of torpedo.

He's the antithesis of our Chief Engineer, Charlie Tucker, who is undisciplined, a 'rebel' of sorts. The two men are frequently at odds. Reed is always trying to expand his weapons inventory, storing munitions in parts of the ship designated to Engineering. Tucker is constantly finding photon grenades cluttering his Jefferies Tubes. There just isn't enough deck space for both men.

Reed is filled with contradictions. Despite his near-obsession with regulations and munitions, he's also soft spoken, shy, and awkward around women.

--From the Official Enterprise Bible

Dominic Keating plays munitions expert Malcolm Reed on Enterprise, the guy responsible for watching the backs of the crew. Reed also goes down in the history books as the man who developed the first hand Phasers for the Star Trek universe. If Keating's face looks familiar to genre fans, it should: the actor has racked up an impressive lists of credits over the past few years with appearances on The Immortals, G vs. E, Poltergeist: The Legacy, Special Unit 2 and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. Early one recent moment, trekgalaxy.com caught up with Keating in his Los Angeles home, where the easily-likeable actor shared his wit and insight into this next leg of the Star Trek adventure.

You have a very solid background in the science fiction genre.

It looks that way now, doesn't it?

Can you talk about your relationship with Science Fiction, and how it led you to your role as Malcolm Reed on Enterprise?

It is strange when you think of how much science fiction I've done in recent years. My manager pointed that out to me when we were in the middle of the audition process for Star Trek. He said to me, 'you're so right for this! You've done The Immortals, you've done Poltergeist and Buffy.' I thought, goodness, I suppose he was right in some way! It's not that I specifically set out to do only Sci-Fi, or even Star Trek. It was just another acting gig and another character. But having said that, yeah, I'm perfect for Star Trek when you look at what I've done in the past. I just hope there's a life after Star Trek - and a life in Star Trek, that I'm not just a Sci-Fi actor and that's all I'm going to ever do. 

What is life on Enterprise like for Dominic Keating?

It's very fun. I just love going to work there. It really is the best. I love it all. I came away from work last night, walking through the corridors of Paramount between the stages, and saw the sun setting on the Paramount sign and the famous water tower, and I just had to pinch myself.

So who is Malcolm Reed, and how much of him is Dominic Keating?

Well, ultimately, it's all you, isn't it? (Keating laughs) It's always extensions of you. And yes, I'm taking Malcolm Reed under my wing at the moment, because they haven't quite decided where he's going to go, and how dimensional he's going to be. As he was described in the breakdown when I first heard about the part, I actually thought I wasn't particularly right for it because he was written as being bookish, button-down, a real proper Brit, shy around women. And I'm certainly not shy around women. (Keating laughs) That's really not me. I was talking with Rick Berman when they offered me the part and we were discussing how Malcolm might be and sort of the avenues he might take. I mentioned that when I was in my boarding school in England, at around the age of 17 or 18, I was thinking at that time about not going to University and joining the army. My mother had come from an army family and I'd been a member of the cadet force at my school for several years and had really liked it. Then I told him that soon after that, in training, I drove a tank in Germany - and crashed it!

It's a good thing they didn't make you the pilot on Enterprise!

(Keating laughs) No shit. So that's who I'm taking Reed out of at the moment, me when I was going to join the army. Malcolm is an army man. He's a gun man, and as for the other stuff, the shyness - it's funny when somebody says they saw something of that in you, and if you're truly honest, you can own up to it and say, yes, I can be that way. That's what I'm doing at the moment. It's a very subtle osmosis, where you just start to 'chameleon' into the part. While seeing some of the rushes [daily takes] on the pilot episode we shot, I could sense it. I could see it in my eyes. That's me on the screen, but it's not me.

Can you explain the events that led up to you winning the role of Malcolm Reed?

My manager rang and told me what the part was the night right before the first audition. I'd been playing this very funky role on a new series coming out on Showtime, my hair was all chopped up and sort of funky-punky, and it had just grown out to the point that I could slightly sweep it back a bit. I put my hair back into more of a Star Trek style, put on this little costume that I thought I would wear to the audition - a black v-neck with black pants and a pair of those space-age molded boots that are hip now. And I called my girlfriend through to the bedroom and said, 'look at that - I look very Star Trek.' She went, 'you do!' I kind of got the feeling then.

That's when I had the mental note to tell myself that I could get this. Sure enough, I went in the next day and met Rick and Brannon and the word came back literally the next day that they really liked me for this, and that if I got any other offers for roles, I was to let them know first immediately. It was what they called a 'watch and advise', which got me excited. 

I went in a couple of days later to meet Jim Conway, who was going to direct the pilot, and I think I'd left the office twenty minutes when they rang up my manager to find out how much I cost. I had one more audition with the network. It was pretty painless. I had three auditions in all - it happened in ten or twelve days. There was a brief moment of heart-in-the-mouth, because when I went for the final audition to meet the Paramount execs, as we were walking out of that office, Rick Berman looked at me and said, 'So, Dominic, are you ready for the next seven years?' I went, 'Woah!' then I waited a week for them to contact me. Ron Suma had sort of intimated that I'd gotten the job, but he said it wasn't official until Business Affairs called through to carve things in stone. A week went by where there was some sort of machination at the higher level because the deal between UPN and Paramount hadn't been set [regarding which network would pick up Enterprise]. That was a hard week, I can tell you. Your mind plays tricks with you - like did he really say that to me? Did he really look at me and say seven years? Those seven years are going to go fast!

Yes, I can tell. We're already on episode 4, and it's only just started. 

Just what is happening in the fourth episode of Enterprise?

I can tell you that Trip, the Engineer, is getting pregnant! Make of that what you will. (Keating laughs) The makeup people have already been forewarned. They've been told that he has to have some sort of pregnancy appendage on the side of his torso. Some reptilian species impregnates him, and he's to be the carrier of their alien child. After reading what Charlie Tucker III is like in the series Bible, it doesn't sound like something he's particularly going to enjoy! No, God bless him! (Keating laughs) He'll have breasts on his forearms. The guy will never want to go out of the house again! Previous Starships were armed with photon torpedoes and Phaser banks. 

Enterprise is outfitted with missiles?

You're asking the wrong person - I just press the button! (Keating laughs) I don't know if they're photon torpedoes or a different kind of missile. I knew it was going to come to this - you've found me out. (Keating laughs). They're gray, and yes, they're actual projectiles. Remember that we're going back in time with this series, so we're shooting missiles. They're actual metal projectiles that come out of torpedo tubes on the ship. But of interest, I have the supreme Honor of actually introducing Phase pistols for the very first time in the pilot. They have two settings - stun and kill - and it would be best not to confuse them! For the rest of history, you will be the guy who created Phasers! Tell me! It's very exciting.

There is a really creepy villain introduced in the pilot 'Broken Bow' called the Suliban. What can you tell us about them?

They can seep through anything, as it were. You know, I never actually saw one of them, now that I think of it. I did fire at an 'imaginary' one on the planet Rigel in the pilot episode while rescuing the captain, but it was added in later as special effects, so I never actually got to see one. I've read in the script, though, that they have the ability to be like chameleons, to take on backgrounds that they're standing in front of our clinging to, whether it's fabricated metal or balsa wood or whatever it may be. And they can seep through anything - literally - air ducts, keyholes, whatever.

So they are a mix of live action actors and special effects?

They have actors playing them. But the Suliban's antics are computer generated.

What would Star Trek fans be surprised to know about Dominic Keating?

I watched the original series as a child growing up in Leicester, and I loved it. I have lasting memories of the fried eggs falling on Spock's shoulders [in the episode 'Operation: Annihilate!']. Those episodes were fabulous. I did look at The Next Generation a little out of professional interest, because it had a British actor,

Patrick Stewart, who came to America to do it. Also that I'm an absolute golf freak. I adore golf. I live for golf. And now I live for Star Trek - which will allow me to play golf for a very long time to come!

I hesitate to use the term typical, because how many people get the chance to spend a day in outer space, but what is one of your days like on the set of Enterprise?

As an actor, it's a typical day on the set in a way. Being on a set is like being in the army. It's very regimented. It has a certain way and an only way of doing things, and therefore, everybody knows that they're all on the same page when they are doing what they are doing on a film set. There is that aspect of it. It's exactly the same on any film set wherever you go in that you know exactly what to expect. Now, with a Sci-Fi show like Star Trek in a franchise as powerful as it is that has the money it has to create a playground for actors to act in, it's second to none. It's extraordinary. The first day that I stood on the bridge set of the Enterprise, as I took a step up, I let my foot hover just momentarily over it because it was going to be the first step onto that playground. I let it all just soak in. The sets are amazing. I was on Stage 8 yesterday - I wasn't even in this scene, but the others were on this Nirvana planet, and in four days, the set designers completely changed Stage 8 into something complete with redwoods and trees and grassy brooks and I just had to walk through it for myself. It was really another world on a soundstage at Paramount Studios.

Star Trek sets are amazing!

You should see my armory. When I walked onto that set, it really touched me that they spent all this time and money building this space for me.

So is the Armory your main hangout on the ship?

Actually my main hangout is on the bridge. I'm there making sure everything's going swimmingly from my command post near the captain. But yes, you'll find me in the Armory over time, because they wouldn't have bothered building this beautiful and extensive set for just a few scenes. That's where the gray missiles are housed.

At this early stage, what is your relationship with your fellow cast mates like?

They suck and I can't stand them. (Keating laughs). I'm not kidding! And you can quote that. No, they're fantastic. We've all gelled very quickly. I'm sure we'll be friends forever. We have a very good understanding that if you've been with each other for five days and for fifteen hours every day solid, perhaps we don't want to call each other on weekends right now. But when we're actually there, we just have a ball. We are laughing all the time. It really is fabulous. And I'd like to give a heads-up to Scott Bakula, because as our captain and as the star of our show, he really has unwittingly set the precedence of being a terrific gent on the top of the show. That's got to have a really good trickle down or rush down effect on the rest of us. Scott doesn't even know that he's such a nice guy and such an actor's actor. He is there every step of the way. He's not a starry star who withers off camera, the kind that won't read lines with you. He's a proper guy.

Isn't he amazing in that he can jump from being a time-traveling scientist on Quantum Leap to the gay next-door neighbor in American beauty to being the captain of a starship so effortlessly?

He's an actor's actor, that's what I say. He has to have a time machine or some painting up in an attic somewhere that's getting very old because he looks better now than he did ten years ago on Quantum Leap.

He's extraordinary, isn't he? He's a very handsome man. I was watching a Quantum Leap the other day. You can discernibly see that there is some aging process that's happened with him, but it's not that he's older. He's more knowing now. I don't know how old he is - he's over forty - but he looks damn good for it.

Maybe Star Trek has something that injects youthfulness!

It might be that we all know we're going to be employed for seven years! That will take a few stress lines off you! I know I'm a lot calmer than I used to be. (Keating laughs)

So who is the clown of the cast?

I guess that would be me. We all have a good clown-around. We all egg each other on. The first couple of weeks, the thing that got us howling was the 'shaking' when our characters went through meteorite storms or were hit by some other projectile. Some of us shook better than others, let's say. 'What are you doing over there? Are you shaking, or do you have to go to the Loo?' (Keating laughs). Jolene [Blalock, 'T'Pol'] set herself up as the ace-shaker, but she was shot down in flames, let me tell you.

Jolene Blalock is a hoot - and she's lovely.

Yes, she's adorable.

Now that Enterprise is the lone standard bearer for the Star Trek franchise, are you aware how critical its success is, and what do you plan to do to make it unique?

Yes, I am aware. I got up to speed on the Star Trek franchise when I was cast and have a good sense of what mantle it is we're carrying. You know, Rick Berman and Brannon Braga are very smart, and just the very fact that they haven't put Star Trek in the title of this series is really smart, that they are now preparing an audience, and a loyal audience, for the fact that the franchise is moving on. And although it had its roots way back in the original series, it's now becoming its own life form. It's now becoming just Enterprise. You know, if one word could say Star Trek as well, that's it. I would imagine that the next seven years after our seven years won't have anything to do with what's come before.

But it will have a harking back to what we're doing now, and everything that's already been done. What can I do to insure that? To show up every day knowing my lines, having thought about how creative I can be today, and to not take any of it for granted. The minute you show up to work on a show thinking that you know it all and you have it all down, you're lazy, and I think audiences can see it. It has to be fun for us as well, and I really can't see when it won't be, even after seven years. The writing is so new and fresh - I don't know how they come up with these ideas. Even to put Trip in a pregnant position is perfect! I mean, the minute you hear that you say, 'well that's just fucking fantastic!' And high marks to them. It makes my job easy. But that's my commitment, that I keep it fresh so the audience will enjoy Enterprise.

Source: www.dominickeating.com

[nagaficat]

TOA Anniversary Monday

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: Erica

Pronouns: she or whatever you feel like I do not care

Birthday (no year): May 3!

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Philly suburbs, toa official time zone

How long is your roleplay experience? Long. I think I was like 18 or 19 so like 15ish years I don't want to do that math right now

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? The Star Trek Online forums aksjdkdbd

How were you introduced to TOA? Saw it in the tags on Tumblr and was intrigued

Do you have any pets? Winston the German shepherd mix and Pipis the pisscat

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) Winter probably but for sure Not Summer

What is your IRL occupation? Toddler teacher, specifically 18ish-24ish month olds

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? Taking long and beautiful naps with my dog

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Mass Effect, Dragon Age, Fallout is good. Nothing like super regularly 

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: grass and ground, Diglett and Dugtrio have been my favs since gen 1 for some reason

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! (Optional bonus challenge: if you filled this out last year, try not to repeat what you said back then!)

I was on the kidney transplant list but my kidneys came back to life

I have two kids and they're both so unhinged

My dog set my kitchen on fire one time

I used to have a hatman irl but he was actually the Carrot Man and he looked like the peanut butter jelly time banana except a carrot and he was a friendly sleep paralysis demon and sometimes I miss him

How did you get into Fire Emblem? I went to GameStop and was looking at the used games and I guess Awakening caught my eye. 

What Fire Emblem games have you played? Genealogy, blazing blade, scared stones, some of por, sov, awakening, fates, 3h, engage. I've at least read through all of them except the tellius games. I should get on them. 

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: first was Awakening, favorite to play is fe7

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! Arvis, Travant, Finn, I really love Raphael maybe him, uhh this is hard to pick maybe Oifey. You could ask me this question tomorrow and I'll probably have a different answer

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! Frederick because I knew I was in love with him the moment I saw his face but Cynthia in a regular context 

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 You know this you know it's Arvis and Travant but I do keep thinking about Raydrick recently. Wtf is wrong with me. 

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays?

- Awakening: Frederick but I'd like to to a Priam romance someday

- Fates: I think it was Hinata but I honestly do not remember. Now idk! I don't think I've ever done the same s support twice in fates

- Three Houses: Claude but I would do a non romantic s support with Alois next time

- Engage: Saphir. Idk who I’d pick next time but it would be a different one. 

Favorite Fire Emblem class? Anything armored!

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? Hmm I feel like I would probably not be playable. Some sort of healer if I was playable. A cleric. I cannot imagine myself having good stats you should bench me immediately.

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? (Black Eagles, Blue Lions, Golden Deer, Church of Seiros, Those Who Slither in the Dark, unaffiliated civilian, other - for example Almyran) Golden Deerrrrrr!!!!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Boon would be healing, bane would be gauntlets, budding talent idk maybe riding or flying

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? (Firene, the Kingdom of Abundance; Brodia, the Kingdom of Might; Elusia, the Kingdom of Knowledge; Solm, the Queendom of Freedom; Lythos, the holy land of the Divine Dragon; Gradlon, the desolate land of the Fell Dragon) I think Brodia is cool but I don't think they would think I am cool

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔(separate letters, to-ah, other?) Tee oh ay and I take psychic damage every time I hear someone call it toah

Current TOA muses: Deirdre, Ethlyn, and Altena 

Past TOA muses? Hilda, Elise, Serra, Charlotte, Tina, Silvia, Ninian…I feel like I'm missing someone maybe

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Hilda and nah I don't think I would

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) Tragic love interests and little sisters

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? I think it would be cool to write Manuela one day but I am convinced I would be terrible at it, also any male character. For some reason I have a mental block against them and I'm not entirely sure why this is 

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) I like writing dialogue! Love a good reunion also. 

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? I would literally do anything to write with an Arion.

Favorite TOA-related memories? Bruh literally all of them. Don't make me choose there have been so many amazing times here. 

Present or past tense? Past

Normal size text, small text, no preference? Normal because I'm lazy

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Nope!

[a-halfblood-named-coin]

Saw DND:Honor among thieves and I have THOUGHTSSSSS

Disclaimer: I am a dnd nerd but not intensely so. So compared to other more serious dnd people I probably care less about ‘game accuracy’ or whatever. Also, if your gonna reblog with “weren’t we boycotting” or smth, just leave bestie also SPOLIERS duh

ANYWAY- my main critique is the pacing. Overall, the fast paced nature helped keep the vibe flowing without getting caught but their were a couple times where I kinda got overwhelmed with how often we were switching scenes. That and I agree with the critiques of the tiefling design being rather boring, especially when you factor in her whole “I hate humans” thing since she looks almost exactly like them.

…and that’s it….no really! I found myself enjoying this film FAAARRRR more than I thought I would. At the end, I think why I loved it much more than similar movies is that it nailed the humor and comedic timing. It has its serious moments and it does them well, but overall it’s a really fucking funny movie where one of the main villains is defeated with a potato to the face. There are several stellar jokes, like-

The fat dragon

Everything Xenk says

The death of the red wizard lady lol

“What’s wrong with my lips!?”

The dwarven bridge

The fake window at the end

And of course NAT 20 potato!

I was laughing a lot throughout the movie, definitely it’s best aspect in my opinion. But I also loved the relationship between Edgin (the bard) and Hulga (the barbarian). I LOVE that they have raised this child platonically and have no desire to change that. There’s no secret crush or anything, they’re both interested in the opposite sex, just not each other. Simon is stellar, his arc is very sweet and simple and I love how his magic is shown. I like how he knows what he can or cannot do, the range of his spells and stuff like that. He doesn’t just wave his hands and magic just happens, it’s an actual skill. Of course the Druid solos, the use of the wild shape is so creative and very fun. And xenk (the paladin) is so deadpan and serious, I love him. All these characters are very silly and fun and fit very well into the goofy writing. I will say, the red wizards are not very fleshed out, but for most of the movie they aren’t really the main villain so it’s whatever to me.

The effects were really dope! They were several times where I think the practical effects really made the creatures that much more real. Defiantly a great case study for why it’s a great idea to ditch CGI (at least partially) and go practical.

Lastly, the serious scenes are really nice here, I’ll discuss two.

1st, the scene where they almost break up. Every good campaign needs to almost break up but I really like this scene. Yes, Edgin has lied by omission but only because he truly believes that Simon can do it. I like how he brings them back together, he doesn’t exclude himself from being a fuckup as well. But you have to keep trekking until youre happy, becuase if you don’t, your past trauma has won. Its very sweet how they all sit together. But what I love most is that they pivot their plan, Edgin still believes in Simon but realizes that not every insecurity can be over come by encouragement. So they come up with a plan that feels more comfortable, but just as crazy.

And 2nd, of course the death scene at the end. Yes it was predictable,but hulga dying and coming back is not what makes this scene, it’s Edgin putting his daughter first. Obviously I think she would want to meet her birth mother, but at the same time it’s a women she’s never known. Edgin realizes that he’s the only person here who would rather bring back his wife than Hulga. He comes to terms with the fact the Hulga is just as much his child’s parent as him or his wife, she means just as much to her. So, finally, he puts his daughters feelings first and resurrects the closest thing to a mother she’s ever had. It’s heartbreaking, but the action of a true parent.

OVERALL, I really loved this movie, again a lot more than I thought I would. Its funny, witty, fast paced fantasy fun. If you don’t want to give money to WOTC or Hasbro, watch it after it gets released online. But I definitely recommend it!

[that-choir-girl]

Love your writings🤍 Would love a Frodo imagine where he has always loved Y/N. Y/N has had hardships too (not on Frodo’s level, but def still some trauma). He comes back to the Shire from healing & expresses his love for Y/N, Y/N do too. Then a proposal/wedding/wedding night (if seggsy details are permitted)?🥹

Hi :)! Thank you for requesting & thank you for being the first one to request! I hope that you like this imagine. if not, i can totally redo it if you want me to :)! PS: i'll try and add a little bit of segc moments but i won't overdo it. Lemme know if you want that to change!

Title: For All Eternity

It's been nearly eight years since Frodo left for the Undying Lands with Lord Elrond, Lady Galadriel, and Gandalf. He'd promised that he would come back, but I didn't know when. I'd spent countless days looking through the windows of Bag End (which he gave to me before he left) waiting for him to return. I spent countless nights crying because I knew that it would be years before he returned. His side of the bed that he used to sleep in when we were still dating, felt cold and empty.

I missed him desperately. It wasn't obvious. Even Sam had done everything he could to distract me from the man I loved. Merry and Pippin had done their best.

I sighed, staring up at the ceiling of the bedroom that Frodo and I once shared. I did not want to get out of bed. My thoughts kept straying towards Frodo and all the difficulties we'd gone through together. But obviously, his hurts were deeper than mine. I only had to witness what my beloved Hobbit was going through. I didn't go through what he went through. And I could tell that he was going through hell during our long, dangerous trek to Mordor.

The sound of someone knocking on the door brought me to my senses. At first, I ignored it, thinking that it was Sam coming to try and get me to be motivated during the day. Or maybe it was Merry and Pippin. They were always trying to find some way to drag me out of bed and do outdoorsy things with them. Of course I had to go with them, though reluctantly. I'd rather stay in bed all day and do nothing.

But when the knock sounded again, I groaned, grumbling to myself. I rolled out of bed and slumped towards the door. I reluctantly opened it. The first thing I saw first, obviously, was a pair of large, hairy feet. My eyes travelled to the rest of his body and finally, his face.

My eyes went wide when I saw that it was my beloved Hobbit standing in front of me. I shrieked with joy before jumping into his arms for a hug, sobbing with relief. Frodo responded and wrapped his arms safely and securely around my waist. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

I missed this feeling. I missed the feeling of him being close to me. I missed hugging him whenever I got the chance.

"God, you have no idea how much I've missed you!" I breathed though excitedly, as I broke from the hug. "I thought that you'd never come back!"

"I'll always come back for you, y/n," Frodo reassured.

I examined his face. The color of his eyes were still the same. But this time, they were no longer filled with pain, sorrow, or regret. They only glowed with love. He looked healthier than he had been in years. He smiled for the first time since he left for the Valinor. Still holding his hands in mine, he got to his knees, and spoke.

"Y/n? Ever since before my adventure, and during my adventure, I'd always loved you. Even though you weren't officially there, you were the reason why I kept going. I always have. And I musk ask: Will you marry me?"

As he was speaking he pulled out something from his back pocket. And I realized that it was a ring.

"YES!" I squealed excitedly. I threw my arms around his neck and jumped into his arms, almost knocking him backwards. I cried happy tears. Once I'd calmed down a little bit, he took the ring from its place and gently slid it onto my finger.

He scooped me in his arms, kissing me fiercely. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. The kiss was full of need, passion, and love. We began to plan the wedding right away.

Several months after Frodo had proposed to me, it was finally the day of our wedding. We'd invited nearly everyone in the Shire (except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who'd always wanted Bag End). Even some members of the Fellowship came to celebrate with us! Unfortunately, Aragorn or Arwen couldn't make it, as they were expecting their third child any time soon, and Aragorn was incredibly busy ruling Gondor and the rest of Middle-Earth.

That day was lovely. Frodo and I said our vows to each other, promising that we would take care of each other during our difficult days. I looked him firmly in the eyes as I said my vows to him. I was scared on the inside, but I knew that my vows were what I wanted to say.

"You may kiss the bride!" the Minister said.

Our lips touched and the entire crowd cheered.

That night, we settled into Bag End. We'd finally be sharing that home together. Once we set foot on the threshold of Bag End, Frodo immediately scooped me up in his arms, carrying me bridal-style to the bedroom we'd share together for the rest of our lives.

Once we got changed into some different clothing, I immediately grabbed Frodo by the neck, and shoved him gently down onto the bed roughly, causing him to chuckle. I began to kiss him. His lips were soft and pillowy, and tasted slightly of the ale that we had drunk during the feast. The kiss felt cautious and tentative. But gradually, it began to get rough and full of need, and he flipped the both of us over so that he was on top, and I was on the bottom.

His hands slipped underneath the hem of my shirt. His cold hands felt nice against my skin. I gasped lightly and arched my back a little bit. I then began to fumble at the buttons of his shirt with shaking hands, exposing his bare chest. My eyes examined the scars that were left on his body since the quest.

Frodo noticed my stares, and immediately became insecure. He tried to hide his scars by wrapping his shirt around himself, but I only stopped him, pulling his hands away.

"Don't," I whispered, forcing his hands away from his shirt. "You don't have to be embarrassed about your scars, love. It means that you've survived. It means that you're strong."

Frodo blushed at my comment, and bent down, as to kiss me. He kissed me ferociously, causing me to moan slightly. I made sure to kiss each of his scars, letting him know that I was there for him, and that his hard days were over.

Frodo gave me a look of adoration. Tears of relief came to his eyes and he bent down to kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

I reached over to grab the candle snuffer. Frodo began to pull the covers over us. I snuffed out the candles and Frodo pulled the covers completely over our heads.

***So sorry if the ending was crappy! Lemme know if you want me to redo it!***

***Update: I hope that this is a bit more of what you hoped for, anonymous! Thanks again for requesting!***

[sonseulsoleil]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @hmslusitania! Thanks Hayley!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

110

2. What’s your total word count on AO3?

483,852

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Whatever I am obsessed with at the moment. The last stuff I was working on was Percy Jackson fic, before that Heartstopper (and I WILL get back to those wips eventually). Oh, and Newsies is also currently in the works! Basically I have ADHD and I am all over the place all of the time. I'll go back to wips I started 5 years ago and keep working on them. What I've written vs what I've actually managed to polish and post is a HUGE disparity lol

4. Top five fics by kudos

- All We Do Is Run

- Let the Whole World Melt Away

- never saw you coming (and I'll never be the same)

- sugar, butter, flour (what a mess I'm making)

- stay in my arms if you dare (or must I imagine you there)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, almost always. It takes me awhile sometimes, but I try to respond to every comment. I worry that if I don't respond, people will stop commenting.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've written a couple Major Character Death fics, but they're not on AO3 because they were just drabbles so I only posted them on tumblr (also they're very old and bad)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmmm maybe All We Do Is Run, just compared to the source material lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have a couple times. Mostly on fics where I've introduced OCs, which sucks.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, sometimes. But I don't post it. I write it for myself and will maybe share it with friends if they're interested.

10. Craziest crossover?

I've never written a proper crossover. I'll write AUs where I take the characters of Property A and put them into the story of Property B, but I've never written a true crossover where characters of two properties interact.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, but I've definitely had fic concepts stolen. Which sounds petty, but I've made posts about fics I'm working on and had people take them and write their own fics with the same details I mentioned and it's like. Not plagiarism exactly and it's impossible to own ideas, really, but it does rub me the wrong way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple times! It's very cool!

13. Have you ever Co-written a fic?

I tried once a long time ago and it went poorly. Turns out I am not a very good collaborator sometimes.

14. All time favourite ship?

I don't--you want me to pick ONE?! are you kidding lol

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have SO MANY. There's a Star Trek fic I've been working on off and on since Beyond came out. There's my mermaid!Buck 911 fic. There's my current Heartstopper fic. There's my PJO Anastasia fic. There's my angst canon divergence Psych fic. My google drive is a graveyard of partially written stories begging to see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing things, clearly.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Depends wildly. I've written this in some Heartstopper fics, because Nick speaks French. And I had a friend who is fluent in French help me get it right. I think when people take the time to find a fluent speaker to help them or are fluent themselves, it's fine and good. And when people are just using google translate, it shows. Also, obviously, being bilingual has to make sense for the character. I also especially have beef with the way people often write latine characters/Spanish specifically. I grew up surrounded by latinos and nobody talks like that. Stop it. You all know what I'm talking about.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

ABC's Castle. Say what you will about Nathan Fillion, but that show shaped me as a person.

20. Fave fics you’ve written?

All We Do Is Run (longest multi-chap I've ever written. this thing was years of my life.)

répète (the only one of my GMW/BMW fics I regularly go back to)

tin can telephones (it's all written in texts and dialogue and that was really fun)

I'm tagging @firstelevens @memequeme @galwithalibrarycard and anyone else who wants to do it!

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

...

I don't really know why I suddenly returned to my old series during my vacations, but revisiting some Star Trek series I consumed in my teenager years to late teenager years made me realise something : I always loved the character that was the most unearthly for each series. Spok, Data, Odo, Seven of Nine.

And then I stumbled on that on a reddit thread...

I feel so seen 😅.

I won't go to much for Spok and Data (for the moment at least), but they were almost my first blorblos ever ☺️. I may come to Seven though.

I wanna talk about Odo today and especially in a ace point of view.

Important : this is just a character analysis through my own experience and how i connected not any formal lecture on the subject !

Note : I will switch sometimes between "he" and "it" for Odo. As his specie is basically a fluid with technically no gender at all. He primarily imitated a male person and stayed that way. Has Odo self gendered male in the end ? Maybe. Let say he is gendered that way in the show. That's why I use "he".

A little bit of my trekky journey

The funny part is that I was a real trekky for many many years. My father wanted me to discover the show he liked when he was younger and I became the 2.0 version of him, being obsessed with it ☺️. My parents kindly participated with my passion. They bought me the first parts of the officials Star Trek files. But then they choose to teach me the value of the product they were offering me with work.

I didn't have pocket money except from my grand parents sometimes. So they told me : you do things in the house, we give you a bit of money for it and you can buy your own stuff with it. It was 10Fr for each helpful stuff.

Needless to say, I became very good at washing dishes, cooking and doing the laundry very early 🤣. I needed 70Fr, which is about 10-11€, every two weeks to buy my files and VHS. It became a bit harder when we switched to euros, because 10Fr became 1€ earn for the house chore, and the price of the files grew rapidly... So I never finished that collection. But as you can see I have a solid one lol. They kept the VHS collection as I had no place to store it when I first moved out.

I remember liking a lot this period because I could buy my stuff and then we had a cool moment of bonding together with my parents watching the VHS in the weekend.

The sad part is that is that I never could complete my collection. Too expensive to a point. Saddly, I don't have much about Odo in my files, except for its Starfleet one and worse for Seven of Nine, with nothing at all. But I guess the character was not added yet to the show. I had very few VHS of Voyager at the time.

First impression on Odo and comparison to Data

As many I guess, I wasn't really thrilled at DS9 in the first place, but rewatching it, I found it extremely good now. I had the same feeling with Voyager which I was really appealed to, once Seven was added to the crew.

Those four characters I relate to the most have in common a rejection or a lack of comprehension of human emotions or behaviours. But Odo was different in a way that I can recognise a lot of myself nowadays in terms of development around my own journey discovering my sexuality.

I remember that when I first saw its design I was like. Oh they are trying to make a new Data character.

But no, it is very different. Odo has emotions, strong emotions, and understands them but he cannot fit, because basically it is not humanoid, he is a sentient puddle of goo... It learned to take a humanoid male shape to interact with the most common form of sentient beings around and the equipment of the ships.

If his shape technically makes it difficult to express clear emotions as he is sleek as butter, he can, and does it a lot. So he is not an emotionless or emotional repressed character (although in some aspect yes... 🤔). And through the series, Odo grew on me for its grumpy personality hiding a very sensible and traumatised being.

There is a common ground between Odo and Data in the fact that they are "unique" creature of there kind evolving around people and trying the best they can to be a part of the community. They have a similar arc or steps of development : strange to others, link with some people, explore emotions, try to mimick what they don't understand, link with more, acceptation, deep frienships to even love experiences, sacrifice. But they have opposite feedbacks and starting points.

Data don't feel per se and even with the integration of the emotion ship he has a lot to learn. But he is ready for all experiences, to learn to feel, and explore humanity.

Odo doesn't need to learn emotions, he already feels. But he begins his life among humanoids with abuses. Everything that he has learned to become more "human" comes from pain. So even if he tries to fit, he is extremely shielded and tries to prevent other to see how vulnerable he feels in reality, to escape the inevitable pain if he is not what people expect. Also, Odo can connect with people only if he makes the constent effort to be something he is not.

They are both children learning, but one of them is beginning his journey with strong traumas. So each of their step towards fulfilment is hard but not for the same reasons.

Also Odo has a big journey about love and discovering what he needs and how different his experience is. He doesn't understand sexual attraction and mating. And the traumas make it even harder for him to figure out how it works for him. He needs a lot of guidance that he cannot always accept or precise rules to know how to function as expected in certain situations. He tends to toss aside violently (verbally) those who cannot give him that when he feels cornered.

I think there can be a lot of readings for this character for many people but, in my case, looking back at him now, I find that this strange position Odo had in a community, I subconsciously felt it on the sexuality part of myself. I couldn't connect with anyone, even my friends on the subject... I was the alien. I tried a lot, I mimicked but it failed and it made me sad, until I understood how it worked for me.

Which leads me to my next point.

Love stories and unearthlyness

Of all my blorbos in Star Trek, I feel like Odo is the most unearthly and in the same time the most relatable for me.

For my three other blorblos, I never been really interested in their love stories or sexuality - I was attracted for other things in them - but I appreciated that "love" was not much part of their main journey or that they discussed more about the general feeling than making out with other characters. But for Odo... dear lord! I dived head first in his loved stories because it was speaking to me. He has several love stories and some are central to his character. But in many aspects of this part I was finding myself in his struggles.

He had feelings for others, he could clearly fall in love sometimes, but couldn't experience it like everyone. He had some pationate kisses and some intimate moments here and there, but the love moments I connect the most were when he shared what he is with some characters, in a non flesh way, if I can say so.

If I could make some conclusions directly, I would say that Odo begins as a hetero asexual, sex repulsed, to demisexual after he discovers how to connect with people and he creates a deep emotional link with some of them. He even discovers that, even with members of his own race which have the perfect form to union for him, he doesn't feel anything because the emotional link is not there. And to discover that, he goes from mimicking and mimicking again and again, failing over and over until he muddles his way out of it, finding fulfilment and finally can love the way he needs.

The fact that he isn't humanoid, even solid, is central to him. He states so many times and tries to formulate in many ways that what we can see is not what he is.

For a long time he rejects parts of humanoid's interactions that involve feelings. He freezes most of the time when being hugged. And avoid people with those kind of behaviours.

Me in my corner 🥲👋. Not to this extend but the inconfort is real.

In a way those scenes have a comic aspect but for those who can relate to him, even little, this isn't as funny.

For him, a big part of these reactions comes from the fact that in his experience, what he doesn't understand and doesn't know how to react to, means pain. This is how he was taught in the first place. Also, he is so different in nature that his needs on the subject are totally unreachable. So he has to learn to find the middle ground to live his experience in a group of people that technically cannot match.

For the most part, he is pushed by his friends to open up to the experience of bounding first and then making out, which became the hardest part.

Through his interactions, he becomes more and more aware of how to express love and he shares with some people that way, but he discovers also he is so different than his love isn't understood. Misunderstood for what his feelings are, in nature for him to the others, and misunderstood for what he can feel sharing the physical love with his partners.

I was so heartbroken by some of those moments as the link is created but the difference is too big to make the link hold. And I was so rewarded in others when he is accepted as he is.

The main emotional links

- Quark frienship.

Odo develops some friendships and interesting connections along the way, but the strongest for me is with Quark.

Basically this is the bromance involving one grumpy and closed character, and another that is very loud and annoying to the grumpy one. They are opposite. Odo is order. Quark is chaos.

They have a love/hate relationship with a lot of humour resulting of their interactions but they read each other is many occasions and sometimes it becomes emotional.

I won't get over that face Quark make when Odo (fusionned with someone else's personality) freely expresses his affection for him ☺️. I could ship them all day.

- Garak friendship

Garak is a very strong character with many layers. Odo and him link for good through a very tough experience, as Garak needs to torture him at some point.

In a lot of aspect that illustrates what Odo went through to become a valid humanoid form. But this time we can connect as he is not a suffering in silence puddle but a visible hurting humanoid.

But Garak and Odo link because they mirror themselves, through pride, loyalty and betrayal. Through the pain they feel, hidden inside, and their sense of belonging, or should I say not belonging...

The pain Odo is enduring turns back on Garak and makes a difference for his future moral choices. Also Garak will keep Odo secret he learnt from the torture. The secret that makes then alike. They are homesick because they are desperately lonely. They are the enemy of the community they try to fit in because their species are.

From that comes a strange friendship rooted in suspicion but understanding.

And by the end, even Garak wanna help Odo finding his way through his love experiences.

- His love story with Lwaxana

This one is rewarding and heartbreaking to me. Lwaxana is a Betazoid with a huge libido. She crushes on Odo who tries to avoid her at all coast as she tends to cornering him into a physical interactions and a need for mating that doesn't suit him at all.

But she is the first to show him he can be loved as he is. We discover with her that he is ashamed to be different. That he doesn't want people to see him in his natural form (liquid) even when overdoing staying in a solid form is painful to him.

But stuck in an elevator with Lwaxana he refuses to return to his natural state in front of her, even if he reach his limit. She teaches him that she also is more than what people sees, and offers him a safe place to be what he is.

Much later, they develop some bounds as she is trying to escape her husband who wanna take the baby she carries as soon as she gives birth. At first he is guarded, but Lwaxana finds her way to share some soft moments with him, in a way he didn't know he was capable of. She needs confort, he doesn't know how to give her. Cornered, he find a way.

That moment unlock some other moments where she participates in his own way of bounding as a shape-shifter. They are on common ground, with no sexual things in the middle and they are happy together.

He offers to marry her to counteract in a legal way the fact that her current husband has a property right on the child she carries. And during the ceremony, this is the first time he expresses his love for her.

First he tries mimicking what is excepted of him, telling that she is intelleigent and beautiful. But the husband, present to the ceremony to stop it, sees through it and Odo finally tells the way he feels. Even his friends that know him for years are embarrassed to discover on this occasion how lonely he was feeling all this time and that they don't know him that much, whereas this woman who he met so little changed his life for the better.

This love is sincere but as an empathe she understands than Odo does not love her the way she needs. Odo would be fine with her company, sharing moments like they did before. But she needs more than he can offer her.

He loves her. But she is in love with him. And he learns that is different and not sufficient. Also she spotted his true repressed feelings for Kira, who I would speak about after. So she breaks with him.

She did it in the most gentle way she could, but I had this experience, without knowing that I was actually asexual and it hurts a lot. I tried. I made some tough choices for me, just to be rejected without explanation (or one that I couldn't understand fully on the moment). The real explanation was that I couldn't give the man what he needed. But he never realised how much efforts I put in this relationship and it broke me in the end. So this is what I see there.

- The love of his life, Kira

Kira is a very strong character that can be harsh to others, because of her own harmful past. She is passionate and all fire sometimes. She is very loving and tender on the other side.

The development of this story is more classical, with two people loving each other but don't express their feelings, waiting for the other to make the first step to no end.

There are misunderstandings and errors made on both side, they struggle, living their life away from each other, having other experiences, but then true love wins (almost).

This is the kind of love he is ready to betray for. This is the kind of love she is ready to let go for his happiness.

Kira is the one Odo wants to connect the proper way for this to work and all his struggles in other love relationships prepares him for that and in the same way prevent that from happening for a long time.

They learn each other progressively but the guarded nature of Odo is an obstacle. In the end, she is the one he finally opens up to everything that he is, even if the experience may not suit a humanoid form. It happens when Kira realises that Odo doesn't think she can love him the way he really is.

I love deeply that moment when he takes a pure energy form and envelopes her and she responds with wonderment and joy.

Kira proves her love for him several times, especially in the way she knows him and respects how he is. She is the one to understand the best his pride and need to keep some things hidden. She puts words on it when he can't so other wouldn't hurt him trying to make him react in a way they consider better.

They are two hurt people who learn the shape of the other through love.

Unfortunately like most of pure love stories, it is doomed. He has to return to his people to save the entire species so... they won't live together happy ever after. But we learn at some point that his love for her never faltered, even centuries later.

I love those kind of story with pure feelings and emotions ☺️.

From nothing to something

They had unearthly creature before in Star Trek, but when they were not machines, they were almost exclusively humanoid for evident reason of human playing them 😅. I liked the different society point of views making points for our own. But to me, Odo is the first really unearthly main character. Because he is technically not relatable in his true form.

How should I connect emotionally with a puddle ?

And for a very long time, in the show this is the underlying issue Odo has with everyone but for the reversed reason. He is puddle, how could he connect with solids ?

The thing is that Odo is seen through the filter of those who are the norm. And we meet him when he has a stable apparent relationship with others. We learn the underlying struggles and pains he experiences, discovering the differences. And those differences are relatable because we can question ours.

The thing is that we don't see for a long time that he hurts to be different as he appears rejecting or snobing humanoids. Attack is the best defense...

And as I said before, this comes from how he learned to adapt.

His very existence is "nothing" and he has to grow from that in a very traumatising way.

He learns very late that his own people abandoned him to be found by humanoids as an experiment to connect with us. But if he was aware of himself, he wasn't aware of anything else. Changelings are not meant to be alone. They live in total fusion in a sort of sea of them.

So from the start, he is fucked up. And those who found him didn't understand it was a sentient creature for a long time. They experiment on him as it was a inert matter. He exists but has no properties that we can attribute to a living organism.

He was found and labeled as "unknown sample / nothing" in cardassian (Odo'itil - in short Odo). He was one of its kind in a world of entities that couldn't understand him and that he couldn't understand either. So basically he experienced torture until he found a way to communicate, through changing form and mimick. But yet again the experiments continued until it was proven to be sentient.

Odo has a lot of resentment from that period.

Ironically, he was not a good shape-shifter, that why his face looks the way it is. And his face is a pale copie of the face of the man who experimented on him, this harmful "father". Also he kept the name Odo as designation. Nothing.

His relation with his "father" is very conflicted. The first time they met after Odo went away from his lab, it triggers a very powerful unconscious emotional response. And his father recognise the extend of the harm he did to him, and he never was aware causing it. He finally found a way to bound with this man, recognising that his father loves him and is hurt from the cold separation. Odo doesn't forgive totally but he opens a door to a future collaboration.

I like the evolution of his psychology around it and through his name also. He explains that at first when people called him Odo, he was hearing "nothing". So for him, people considered him to be nothing. And when he made some real friends, he finally came over that pejorarive meaning around his existence, he began to hear a name.

He achieved to become something out of nothing.

The desire to link and the demisexuality

Odo doesn't know much about himself except that he is. Though he has a need to link with other that comes from his own nature. He doesn't know where it leads.

His first links are made in the most humanoid way possible. He doesn't want to be weird. He is mimicking some things to share moments with others, like drinking or eating. He doesn't need to and cannot really absorb things. But he does it anyway and find some fulfilment to simply be with them, talk and share.

The Changellings (his species) don't like solids forms of life and abhor connecting with them. They are almost repulsed by the idea of binding physically with a solid, because their link (fusion) is much more. But the links Odo makes aren't physical ones.

While he doesn't know the existence of his own species, Odo has the same internal repulsion over everything that imply physical link, so especially everything around sexuality, because to him the way it is done by humanoids is uncanny. It lacks something but he doesn't know what exactly. But he knows that what is the most strange to him is realated to the love feeling. For him what he observes from people in love isn't what he experiences and all physical attraction is weird and disgusting.

He often verbally states in a very crude way that he doesn't understand the need humanoids have to mate and they biological needs for pleasure. Also their rituals to link for love is the most abstract thing to him. He acknowledges the feeling, not what can accompany it.

But he does develop feelings for others and some attraction. He is even attracted to female humanoids in general. He doesn't want to make out but he can experience a kind of pull and curiosity. But as soon as he has to interact and he recognises attraction from the other part, he bails. He has to be forced into something to begin to understand bits of it.

He continues to live the experiences about linking with others the same way he was taught to interact with people in the first place. Meaning, escape from pain to find where it doesn't hurt. And it is painful to see him to go through that for love too. He naturally tries to avoid pain where he thinks it is and ends up in being forced into a situation extremely inconfortable for him, struggling to find the best way to find a new balance in his emotions and in sensations in which he finds no pleasure.

When he meets Lwaxana, she is the most disruptive and invasive person ever. He doesn't have any feelings for her and she is forcing her way through him to get that response out of him. But she is the first to see what is the problem and offer a solution that his not harmful to him. She is the first whose love reaches him. And he began to love her in his own ways. This is not enough of course...

When he meets his people, he experiences the first fusion of his life and the experience is the definition of what he needs. But... soon he realises that even if this is the equivalent of his biological needs, he doesn't feel for it at all. Later, after some other steps in his journey to discover love, he tries to share with a Changelling what he has learned and the experience is unconclusive for both of them. The Changelling doesn't feel anything for the act as a solid. Neither does Odo, even if he is sure he made it right. The Changelling tries to force the idea that their natural way of linking is the best for him and he has to abandon his humanoid habits. But still he doesn't feel that way. Like yes, this is the most rewarding thing except there are no feelings.

At some point, because he choses humanoids over his own kind, killing a Changelling that was harmful to his friends, he is punished by his people and rejected. They made him human, keeping his imperfect face as a reminder to how bad he was even as what he was supposed to be. So he has to live like what they consider a poor and disgusting life. Odo has to learn a lot of things back but in the same time, he experiences for the first time some simple pleasures he couldn't grasp before. When he can finally revert to his natural form, he uses this experience to connect better with others has he understands now a bit more about their needs.

Odo is the one that has to make the extra steps in every direction. Steps toward humanoids who can learn to accept him and care for him but without fully understanding what he is and ignoring a lot of time is personal needs. Steps toward Changellings who can understands what he is and can offer him to fulfil a lot of his needs but won't understand some of them that are vital to him, like the need to be loved and to love, something that he developed staying with humanoids and that they consider a defect.

To both side, on the aspect of love he is incomplete.

The Changellings are purely asexual and sex repulsed, if I had to make a comparison. They are experiencing things completely detached from love in all its forms. In their norms, he has to remove the idea that this feeling is necessary to his existence. They try to cure him from that, educating him to the way his species do things. But to him their way to link is incomplete for his personal development.

On the other hands, to him, the humanoids are sexual beings with a lot of needs he can't grab. To their norms he is just not trying hard enough to get what he wants. They see his need for love, they recognise that he can feel, but the answer is often the same and not very helpful in the form that that is take. Try again. They don't acknowledge that pain and fear on this subject are two overwhelming obstacles for him and that they pushes are, more often than not, harmful. But with them, he develops those feelings, painful steps after another, finding the shape they have.

He cannot find fulfilment in both of the worlds he knows, until Kira.

Well, to be fair, he has an experience with someone else, with whom he falls in love. He has sex with her and discovers he can find pleasure in it. In the demisexual way. And that's the key for him.

But that person has to leave him behind. And as I explained before, his own experience of life made that kind of thing very harmful to him. That is a step that pushes him backwards for quite some times.

The thing I relate the most in this experience is when he asks the woman if he did good as it was his first sexual experience ever. She replies that she couldn't tell it was. And he is happy to have satisfy her needs and feel pleasure too. But for me, the way it is said is a lot like, I hope I did everything right as a solid demands it, so I won't be punished. Well I had this experiences too. Trying to match expectation and being punished for not doing good enough...

And what kills me is that Odo does good. He makes real progress and is about to maybe have a positive experience from it. And in the end he is punished by the events themselves, not that he didn't anything wrong on the thing, but he did wrong to have even tried...

So his first real step forward in his journey is rewarded with pain shortly after. Something he will struggle to overcome to try new experiences and many are pushing him. So you can guess the reaction...

But from this experience he has to learn that, for him, love is possible only if a strong emotional connection is made. He will need some more time to assimilate this.

And of course, in the end, Kira is the one that checks all the points.

After that he will try to overcome his problems to express his feelings and fear to lose the only one with whom failing would be too painful. And, once again, because he always experience the things the same way, it is cornered that he makes the final step.

In the end, he has to leave her but their separation, even if bittersweet, is tender, full of understanding and love.

Final word

I hope that I wasn't too boring with this long analysis for a character that is not in the fandom of this blog.

Odo is a complexe character, and quite gray. Yeah he did bad things too. I made this analysis through the specter of my reading of his sexuality mostly and my own experience pov. But this is a character interesting in many other aspects. He keeps a lot inside and when things come out we aren't really prepared.

I don't want to go specially far in the fandom online. I don't know what is the state of it really, and I stopped in the middle of Entreprise show as I didn't connect with the characters. I don't know either if you would like to learn more on my blorblos from the past. Those from Star Trek but I have some others. I inaugurate the tag "blorblo from the attic" for the occasion lol.

Have a nice day, and I leave you on a Odo Quark smiling to each other moment ☺️.

Additional image ressources [x] [x] and [x]

[doctorbrown]

BTTF Year-End Tag Game!

This year:

How many times would you guess you watched the first back to the future movie?

At least fifteen times through, easy. Probably more than that.

Did you get any sweet bttf merch? If so, what?

I sure did! I got my really neat BTTF backpack, a Hot Wheels miniature of the DeLorean, a couple prints from CC including a metal print of the DeLorean about to time travel, and probably another thing or two I can't think of off the top of my head.

How many cans of Pepsi Free did you chug this year?

Not one. I don't really drink soda. If I do, it's probably root beer or ginger ale.

What was a favourite bttf fanfic you read this year?

Oh god, one I absolutely LOVED was Time Is A Flat Circle. I really liked the darker tone of this fic, the villainous version of Doc presented here (because he would be a terrifying villain, lbr), and all the foreshadowing done in this fic as you get closer to the end that maybe you'll miss the first time and then you'll see it all come together later—wow, fantastic. Big fan of being unable to change the present/future via the past because everything's set to play out that way.

A favourite bttf fanart you saw this year? (please give us a link, not a screencap/repost!)

Ah hmmmmm. I don't go searching for fanart on here as much as I should, tbh. I did actually catch a couple of the Doctober artworks going around and a lot of those were incredible. I'll have to get back to you on this one.

Did you create any bttf fanart or fanfic? If you did, what one(s) are you proudest of?

I'm working on a doodle of Doc atm for fun, we'll see if I ever do anything with it. But fanfics, yeah, I guess you could sort of say I did! I participated in the Doctober '23 event, and actually completed all 31 days. I'm very hard on myself so I don't know if I'd give one I'm proudest of, but I definitely got much more comfortable with my writing as the days went on.

How many times were you late for school this year?

I have long since graduated haha.

Did you watch any other movies/tv shows with BTTF actors in them?

A few (I'm not a huge film person actually), and I think they were mostly Chris Lloyd's things hmmm—Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension, Star Trek III: Search for Spock, I Am Not A Serial Killer, Doc Brown Saves the World (it counts, I guess), Million Ways to Die in the West, there were probably others I'm sure but off the top of my head, these are the ones I remember.

Was there a memorable moment you heard a Huey Lewis song this year?

A memorable moment? Hmmmm I'm not sure. I listened to enough Huey Lewis this year but I can't think of something particularly memorable about doing so.

How many times did you fall down this year?

A couple, probably. Can't say I kept count.

Did you get to see BTTF: The Musical? What was your experience like!

I sure did! I've seen it twice now and I'd see it a third time in a heartbeat. It was an amazing experience, I went in completely blind, didn't know anything about the production, the soundtrack, nothing. When it came to Broadway, my first time seeing it was in the pre-showing (or whatever they're called); like it wasn't technically open yet but wow, I was FLOORED. I came out immediately getting the soundtrack and listening to that damn thing on repeat for weeks.

How many times did your mom retell the story of how she and your father met?

I think she's only told it to me once. Twice, perhaps, for different context. But theirs is not a happy story so it's not exactly something that gets spoken about often.

If you could describe your year in a BTTF quote, which one would it be?

My year in a BTTF quote? Uhhhhh. "Yeah, I saw it on a rerun." OR "Yeah, well uh, let's keep this brain melting stuff to ourselves, okay?"

⚡️LIGHTNING ROUND⚡️

Did you get to: go on any trains, skate on a skateboard, ride a horse, drive a DeLorean, run in the rain, go to a dance, hang up a clock (maybe on this one because I may have knocked one down, can't remember), play the guitar, pull an all-nighter, read science fiction, or drive thru Burger King this year?

Your future is whatever you make it! So what are you going to make of this coming year?

Oh fuck if I know—this may be the year I quit the job that I hate that doesn't pay me what I deserve for my qualifications and figure out what I actually enjoy doing. I'll work on my confidence re: the content I put out, namely being proud of the things I create, whatever they are.

tagged by: @cheriboms (thank you! not only for the tag, but for all the support and kind things you've said about anything I've posted) tagging: i'm not sure who to tag for this but if you see it and you like it, steal it!

[captaininsaneway]

I saw someone mention ranking their favorite Treks that they've seen and I wanted to do mine, feel free to RB and add yours if you want.

1. Voyager: Shocker! Though more for the characters than for the show itself. I feel like the writing really leaves something to be desired at times, but I love the characters more than anything.

2. DS9: Was a hard choice for second and almost got first place, but I find myself rewatching Voyager more often, so here we are. Great characters, amazing stories, generally pretty good writing. Some of the best moments of Star Trek ever in my opinion.

3. Strange New Worlds: This show is just brilliant. It really captures the feeling of what I enjoyed about the 90s Treks. There's humor, camp, optimism, gold character dynamics, interesting stories and philosophical questions. The acting is amazing too. Seriously if you haven't checked it out, you should!

4. Prodigy: This show doesn't get enough love! It's visually beautiful and the cast is a lot of fun. Plus we get some interesting insight into what happened after Voyager ended. Overall a very solid show, not just for kids.

5. The Next Generation: This was the Trek that got me into Trek, so it has a special place in my heart! Of course I love the cast and all their relationships, and Picard's diplomatic style makes for some fascinating episodes (Darmok, anyone?). And Data was just brilliant all around. I don't watch it as much now because some of it feels kind of dry, but I still love it.

6. Picard: This series ONLY beats out the other two because of the fantastic Seven of Nine and Raffi content. Everything else can burn and I like to present season three never happened. Wtf even is this show.

7. The Original Series: The only reason it's so low on the list is because I'd rather watch just about any of the other Treks, lol. Not that it's bad, but I have a harder time engaging with it because it's not nostalgic for me and it's hard to get past the 60s misogyny and racism and whatnot... there are some episodes I like, but I prefer the SNW version of most of these characters (except Spock).

8: Enterprise: Just... why. I couldn't even finish a season. Awful.

(I have not watched enough of Discovery for it to make it onto this list but I find what I have seen a bit too grimdark for my personal taste, so I'd probably put it under TOS, before Enterprise).

[forfoxessake]

2022 is over. The year in review.

It wasn’t a great year. This mostly post-pandemic year was filled with anxiety and changes. I could hardly focus on anything so there are only a few things that were truly memorable.

 I was able to reconnect with music, after many years barely listening to anything, suddenly it was the only thing that I could enjoy without having to force myself to pay attention, I could just feel. 

I found that I still pretty much love MCR and one thing I could focus on was watching the live streams from their Return tour, every night a different set list, different memories. It really helped me get through my days -  funny how they are still out there saving lives 20 years later. 

I saw 113 films, read 64 books and seen many series. 

Here are some of my favorites, in no particular order:

MOVIES

Aftersun (2022) - definitely my favorite movie this year, nothing made me feel as much as the last 30 minutes of this film.

Petite Maman (2021) -  there’s like 5 people in this movie, it’s mostly two litte girls playing around I loved every second of it.

The Worst Person in the World (2021) - being an adult is hard and we don’t have to know everything

Dial M for Murder (1954) - had a very special time seeing this, and it’s really good. 

Mars One (2022) - another movie with a wonderful kid who dreams bigger than anything in the world

C’mon C’mon (2021) - my favorite films this year all starred little kids, there are moments here so precious

The Lost Daughter (2021) - my first film this year and I still remember it so vividly. 

CODA  (2021) - the big Oscar winner and I still agree with this decision, it’s precious and memorable. 

The Green Knight (2021) - Not enough people have seen this, Dev Patel and Alicia Vikander have my heart forever

Metal Lords (2022) - made me remember my teenage years and why I loved music/metal so much 

Licorece Pizza (2021) - I need to watch this again but I remember feeling so good while seen this on the big screen 

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) - my second favorite movie this year, it seems crazy but its really not. 

BOOKS

The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: National Anthem  by Gerard Way and  Shaun Simon -  I loved reading it, I remember not being very into the Danger Days themes and at that point not even listening to music at all anymore, coming back to things and falling in love with this world was a special thing.

I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by  Maggie O'Farrell - one of the most beautiful conversations about death that I have ever read, here death it’s not something distant, it’s a thing that we brush hands with everyday.

My Life Had Stood a Loaded Gun by  Emily Dickinson - I finally finished the Dickinson tv series on Apple TV+ and I just had to read some of her work, this collection was on my nightstand for many months and I read it over and over again.

TV SERIES

The Staircase - I was addicted to both the 2022 HBO tv mini-series and the original documentary from 2004, it’s a wild ride and it still makes me question so many things.

The Bear - at a time I could barely focus on anything, I managed to nearly binge watch this show, I can’t explain why it’s impossible to take our eyes off of it, but it’s brilliant and immersive and intense. 

House of The Dragon - I really had low expectations for this and it blew my mind every sunday, it might be better than GOT.

Star Trek: Lower Decks - If you are looking for a comedy sci-fi series that doesn’t take itself too seriously and knows how to entertain and mantain a cohesive plot this is it. So far, three seasons of pure joy. 

Irma Vep -  Olivier Assayas had one of the most brilliant moments in any media this year and almost no one saw it, it’s a shame that so many are missing out one of the best tv series ever. 

MUSIC 

 Past Lives by  L.S. Dunes (2022) - I pratically lived off this album since it was released in past two months, its perfect, there’s not one bad song. 

I’m probably forgetting other things that I liked, this is a sad list compared to other years and I will try to make better choices this year. 

2021

[catelyngrant]

4, 7, 10, 11, 19, 23, 24, 25

4. Favorite books read this year: I really loved Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfield, Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner, Honey in the Marrow by Emily Waters, and The Carlisle Series by Roslyn Sinclair.

7. Favorite TV show episodes of the year: "Safe Room" (Succession 2x04) didn't actually air this year, but I saw it for the first time this year, so I'll count it (same with "Tern Haven" and "Retired Janitors of Idaho"). I also loved Hacks 2x06 "The Click", andGrace and Frankie 7x16 "The Beginning".

10. Biggest fandom disappointment of the year: I did this partly to myself, but several years after giving up on The Walking Dead due to bad writing, empty shock value, and little character service, I hopped back on board when Angela Kang took over as showrunner and the Carol/Daryl spinoff was announced. Season ten was actually really good, and I got invested all over again despite my better judgment, and...yeah. Did not go well.

11. Biggest squee moments of the year: It's got to be Dolly showing up in the G&F finale, right? That was very high up there. Also, tbh, everything about JSC from her outfits to her tweets to her endless mockery of her favorite costar put a giant smile on my face.

19. Fandom that made an unexpected comeback: Well, it wasn't unexpected in that I'd been planning a rewatch for some time, but my Battlestar Galactica rewatch was nostalgic af and really made me happy (for the most part). On a much more unexpected note, though, announcements of David Tennant and Catherine Tate's return to Doctor Who and the TNG reunion on Star Trek: Picard bowled me over in the best way even though they haven't aired yet!

23. The most missed of your old fandoms: As I said, my BSG rewatch brought on some serious nostalgia for the old days. I don't think fandom as it existed back then is quite possible anymore, but they were good days.

24. Fandom resolutions for next this year: Same as ever—try to enjoy the good, ignore the bad, steer clear of drama, and step away from anything that's giving me more angst/frustration than fun or joy.

25. Fandom predictions for next this year: I don't think I'm going to have any major new fandoms this year, but I expect that both Star Trek and Doctor Who will consume my life with a renewed vigor. I am very hesitant to make predictions, so I'll call them hopes instead, but GOD, I am hoping very much for a satisfying season four of Succession that serves my specific interests, and I am hoping that the L&O franchise will quit fucking around and that the EO fandom can know peace.

[theterriblethingabouttulio]

so i just played journey for the second first time (first time was ten years ago) and i have thoughts and feelings about how it went.

tldr: thank you astaven333 for being my companion and trying to help me get that ribbon extension i missed and for chirping with me the whole time i'll never forget you 🥺 also sorry the flying monsters got you like four times, huge L king

story:

the first time i played this game was about ten years ago at my friend's house on her ps3. played solo, but i had a friend. thought it was a really cool experience, touching even.

two days ago i impulse bought a ps5 on a payment plan because i was feeling impulsive and even broke people need to have fun. i'd been wanting to replay journey, but it wasn't even on my mind until today. bought it, downloaded it. moved the tv to my bedroom so i could relax in bed and play. climbed in bed. booted it up.

now i didn't realize it was online by default. i'm nervous about online games. mostly worked through the social anxiety irl, have not even attempted to engage with it in games. so, i started alone, as expected. got through the whole first leg of the trek by my lonesome. second one too. then, to my utter surprise, upon loading the third map, i saw another little dude. they chirped at me and it sunk in that had been dropped into someone's world, and they in mine. but i'm a chronic explorer, i thought, they're going to get annoyed with me wanting to search every nook and cranny. not so! i learned quickly about journey's game design and let that worry pass; we would only ever have the same goal.

we quickly established communication, the language of which i would bet is pretty common. two chirps for thank you, one for you're welcome, big chirps and twirls for celebration, gentle repetition for "this way!", fervent repetition for "get over here get over here it's coming", and every other kind just to remind each other that you're not alone (and replenishing their scarf). my and my companion turned out to be very talkative, chirping and twirling at each other nonstop. even during the hardest part of the journey, where the pauses lengthened, both of us feeling the strain, one of us was never long to check in, though our chirps grew smaller and smaller.

as we ascended the final terrible stretch, i thought i'd lost them to the flying beasts. knocked far and away into the snow, well out of sight. i felt genuine heartbreak as i sat in safety and chirped, swiveling my camera around, waiting for exactly too long for comfort before i saw their white bubble extend from the corner of my screen. i went out to chirp at them and escort them to safety, and then they got clipped again, this time staying in sight. i truly hadn't been expecting to feel anything like that tonight. i fell off a ledge on the broken windswept staircase and they jumped down after me just so that we'd stay together. i stayed when they struggled to get back up to that very staircase again.

we made it all the way to the end together, managing to find each other for moments during the triumphant and pandemoniacal* race to the peak. we stood there and celebrated for a few moments, basking in the accomplishment, before we turned and together stepped toward the light. the whole time any brief cutscene would play, all i was consumed with was the thought that there should be two of us. me and my friend. ascending together.

i really internalized the very obvious thesis of the game. if i was just by myself again, you bet i would be constantly looking up at that mountain to see if i could see it, marking my progress. but with someone else beside me, chirping at me, playing with me, i forgot about the destination entirely. we were a team, and i was just basking in the feeling of playing with a stranger online for the first time and just having a really wonderful time connecting over this, silly and wonderful games. it's amazing to see a game designed with the cooperative elements baked into not just the gameplay but the theme.

it moved me and i'm gonna hold onto this feeling for a little while.

*btw we should all just start using panemonious as the adjectival form of pandemonium. it's way better than pandemoniacal which is way too cumbersome to say. there's no reason to use seven syllables when five will do unless you're writing a haiku

this got away from me.