#the messaging thing is bumming me out but its been too common lately

[likes-words-and-shrimp]

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[thatmultifandomhoe]

It’s You

Pairing: Changkyun and Reader

Group: Monsta X

Word Count: 7,433

Genre/Rating: Valentine’s Day AU - Quarantine AU - Friends to Lovers AU - Fluff - Angst - PG-13

Overview: The last thing you planned to do was celebrate Valentine’s Day. Being single on a holiday that glorified love, especially during a pandemic, was the perfect sign to stay at home to guarantee avoiding having a broken heart. Especially when Changkyun, the one who held it, seemed to have plans of his own.

Warning: Mention of past unrequited love and having a broken heart - swearing -

A/N: Happy - early - Valentine’s Day sweet peas! And yes, Changkyun from Monsta X was the winner of the “Who Do You Want to Spend Valentine’s day With,” and I had so much fun working on this piece. I’m personally not a fan of the holiday - for reasons you’ll read below - but I hope that those of y’all who do celebrate have a happy Valentine’s day, and I hope that y’all enjoy this piece and get all the chocolate that you want this year!

Tagging: @srvdyv​​  @skyys-universe​​ @kpophoneybunny​​ @wheein-whanders​​ @ezralia-writes​

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The First Installment of the Hoe Catalog.

©thatmultifandomhoe 2021. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

“Are you okay?”

Glancing over at the cell phone that was propped up on the dresser, you raised an eyebrow at the black screen. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You do know what day it is, right?”

Fingers pausing, you pressed your lips together, staring down at the button of the black jeans you had been in the middle of putting on. You had known what day it was when you went to turn off the alarm that had set for that morning. It had been painfully obvious, and as the pre-recorded song of birds chirping increased in volume, you had stared at the date for longer than you normally do.

February fourteenth.

Valentine’s Day.

“I’ve only been awake for an hour,” you said, stepping towards the closet for a shirt. It had been a miracle that Changkyun had called instead of his preferred method of randomly video calling. While it was true, you had been up for an hour, you had only started moving about to get on with the day about five minutes ago. And currently you were only wearing pants and a black lacy bra. Although, knowing him, he wouldn’t have complained.

There was rustling on his end and the clinking of a spoon hitting a glass. “I know, but I just wanted to make sure. You seemed pretty upset the other day.”

“It’s not that I’m upset…” You slipped your head through the hole of a black smocked square blouse with red flowers printed on it, adjusting the top so it sat properly. “I just...don’t like the holiday.”

Which was putting it mildly. It was more than a dislike, but as you went to look in the mirror to make sure there weren’t any tags sticking out, you silently thanked him for calling. You never hated Valentine’s Day. At its core, it was rather a sweet concept, one that year after year, a part of you hoped that maybe you’d be able to have someone to enjoy the holiday with. But after years of being single on the most romantic day, and having it ruined by dates turned sour, more often than not a dark cloud hovered overhead while you tried to simply get through the day.

You tried to find some spin on it to turn it around. Starting tomorrow and for the next week, chocolate was going to be anywhere from fifty to seventy-percent off. Sales were always fantastic no matter what the reason was. There were only so many chocolate hearts that you were capable of eating though.

“Why are you calling so early?” You said, turning the conversation back to him. It made sense why you were up – even on a Sunday there was always work to be done – for him to be awake before noon, that caused a bit of worry.

“Ah,” there was a thump that echoed on the call like he had dropped his phone, his voice sounding distant. “I have some things to get done today.”

“Yeah, but it’s nine in the morning. I thought you weren’t even coherent before noon.”

Changkyun forced out a laugh and you lightly smiled, gathering your hair into a bun before carrying him into the kitchen. Even though it was a simple phone call and was a bit distorted, it did nothing to dull the fluttering going on by the butterflies in your stomach. His lazy grin came to mind, and only ten minutes into the hour and you were smiling like a fool while stirring your coffee.

That was another reason why you weren’t entirely fond of the holiday. The entire day was dedicated to love, to telling someone that you love them, and here you were, having fallen for your friend and yet you refused to tell him. It was hard to pinpoint when these feelings began, but it was possible that they had been growing since the day you two met.

There was no doubt that you were a workaholic, always feeling weird if you bummed around for more than a few hours, so it made sense that on the rare day off that you took, something had to crash it. You had been indulging in some binge watching of your precious Inuyasha when your phone lit up with an incoming video call from Messenger. Immediately you had been hesitant. None of your friends ever video messaged you since unlike them, your cell was an android.

You hadn’t planned to answer him. Not only did you not recognize the name, or his picture - despite how attractive he appeared - but you didn’t normally answer requests from strangers. With that in mind and mildly annoyed in having to pause the episode, you were ready to hit decline and be on with the day. Except, you were a dumb ass, and hit accept by accident.

Turns out he had meant to call someone else and had been equally shocked when you answered. In fact, he had been less than classy upon seeing you in instead of his friend, the words, ‘oh, fuck me,’ slipping out before he could stop himself.

In normal circumstances, you might have rolled your eyes, or told him to go fuck himself, but it had been six months into the pandemic and he was the first new person that you had met in a while.

“I don’t usually fuck strangers,” you had said instead, not missing the way his eyebrow rose and how his mouth curled upwards in a smile. “But if you wanna buy me a grinder and have it delivered to my place; I might eventually be persuaded.”

There had been a tense moment, but when he let out a breathless chuckle, somehow you knew that you were in the safe zone. Turns out, the two of you had a friend in common who he had meant to call, but he hadn’t been paying attention to what he was doing and accidentally clicked on your profile. The call only lasted for a few more minutes before Changkyun apologized and with an awkward wave, ended it. You stared at his profile picture and next thing you knew, you were scrolling through his pictures, oohing upon finding an old one of him with silver hair and an eyebrow piercing.

A couple hours later, there was a knock at your door and after slipping on a mask, you were greeted with a delivery man that looked no older than sixteen, announcing that he had a grinder for you. Before you could say that you hadn’t ordered anything, he promised that it had already been paid for, tip included. Not one to turn down free food, you accepted it, and saw the note that was taped to the paper bag.

I’m not a weirdo I promise. Jooheon passed along your address, and I’m not about to let someone go hungry. From, a friendly stranger who hit the wrong button.

There was no second guessing on your part. You pulled his profile back up and hit the video button, only having to wait a few seconds before his face filled the screen, locks of black hair falling across his forehead as he ruffled it up.

“Did you seriously send me a grinder?”

“You sounded hungry.”

There was a brief pause, and suddenly you were giggling, shoulders shaking as you sat down on a chair, his own deep chuckles joining in not long after. It was odd, but after that – and after confirming with Jooheon to make sure he wasn’t a creep, which you were assured he wasn’t – the two of you fell into the habit of video chatting. Some days there was nothing to say. With the pandemic raging on and everything closed, it was nice to have someone simply be there after all this time.

Fast forward five months later, the pandemic had only grown worse, and not only had Changkyun proven to be a good friend, but he managed to worm his way into your heart.

“What about you,” Changkyun suddenly asked. “You’re not actually working today, are you? Forget the holiday, it’s Sunday.”

Rolling your eyes, you went back to the bedroom with the black coffee in one hand, and him in the other. “Not all day. I have a few graphics that I want to finish up or it’ll bug me. Should only take a few hours to do.”

“Only a few hours,” he teased. “I’m willing to bet you’ll still be working tonight.”

“Will not.”

“Will too.”

“Not.”

His end grew silent, and he suddenly cleared his throat. “We’ll see about that.”

There was something about that sentence that stopped you from entering the password to your computer. Glancing away from the screen, you stared at Changkyun’s picture, wondering why his voice had softened when he had said that, as if he knew something that you didn’t.

“What is it that you have to do?” You found yourself asking him again, not looking at the keys as you logged into your laptop, the bleeding hearts screensaver appearing as the icons loaded one by one.

“Just some…stuff. I’ll probably be off my phone most of the day.”

“Oh.”

With the amount of phone calls and video chats the two of you had, it had become normal to hear from him a couple times throughout the day. The text chat was filled with various memes, emojis, and conversations that ranged from how much is too much fabric softener? - all the way to late night conversations involving stories about crazy exes, to insecurities, dreams you’ve always wanted to do, and whether or not the world would ever go back to the normal that you both had known prior to March 2020.

Wetting your lips, you leaned back against the desk chair and cradled the mug in both hands. “Well, have fun with whatever you’re doing,” you said, keeping your voice light so he wouldn’t notice the shift in your mood.

It was suddenly so obvious why he wasn’t saying what he had to do. With the holiday approaching, Changkyun had asked if you had any plans for how to spend the day, and with that came your explanation for why you weren’t overly fond of this particular day. The blind dates that ended terribly and being single had been part of the reason why, but there was one particular instance from the past that was determined to ruin Valentines every year for you.

In all the years, there was one person that you had confessed to on Valentines. Jungkook was someone you considered a friend, but you had only told him the truth to get him to shut up about his girlfriend. Up until that afternoon she had been the ex that, from your understanding, despised being in the same room as him anymore. According to him, she showed up at his place with the usual, ‘I miss you,’ and ‘let’s try again,’ and somehow that all managed to lead to wild and hot passionate sex that was, ‘insanely good.’

If only that had been it.

Whether Jungkook got caught up in reliving the moment and forgot who he was talking to, he gave you a play by play of their reunion. From the way she arrived at his door, to the way she felt around him, he told every detail all while you were on the other end of the phone, fingers twisted and tugging at your hair as you sat on the floor of your childhood bedroom. On all the days, the last thing you wanted to hear was your crush talking about having to move to the living room because his bedroom reeked from all their fucking.

The conversation didn’t last much longer, thank god, but you hadn’t been able to grieve because in the other room mom’s voice could be heard as she talked about her day at work. Instead, you forced back the tears and it took everything to not break down when she smiled and handed you an orange teddy bear holding a red heart that said I love you, along with a bag of Lindt chocolates. She was unaware, and while everyone slept, you buried your face into a couple pillows to muffle the sounds of your crying. You were only eighteen and yet you swore your heart collapsed in on itself before exploding into a million glass shards.

“That fucking dick,” Changkyun had said when you told him.

The screen had been bright as the two of you video chatted, and you rubbed your eyes, tired but not ready to go to sleep. He had been doing the rounds of locking up and shutting off the lights while you spoke, only wearing a thin pair black and blue flannel pants. At least he held the phone pretty leveled so you weren’t forced to stare at his torso, but there had been several times where you found your gaze lingering on his muscular body.

“I mean,” you ran a hand through your hair, shrugging as he looked back at you. “It happens to everyone.”

Changkyun frowned though. “No,” he said, his voice gentle but firm at the same time. “No, it doesn’t. And that shouldn’t have happened to you.”

Blinking, you forced the memory away, shifting in your seat to get comfortable once again. Just because you didn’t enjoy the holiday, or didn’t have anyone to spend it with, didn’t mean that was the case with Changkyun. Why else would he be reluctant to say what his plans were? He was probably just being nice and didn’t want to appear like he was rubbing salt into an old wound that refused to heal.

“Hey,” Changkyun’s voice softened again, and as much as you knew you shouldn’t, you wished that he was here, in the apartment with you for him to hold you. “It’s still early in the morning. For all you know, there’s a Mr. Right, who’s going to stumble into your path today.”

You scoffed, the clicking of your mouse echoing in the bedroom. “I mean, I don’t have plans to go out.”

“Surprises can happen you know.”

“Alright Changkyun,” now that the internet was up, you glanced back at the phone. “I gotta get to work. Stay safe out there.”

“Always am. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

There was a pause, and when you looked back over, the call was still going. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for either of you to leave it going while doing work, the silence was never awkward, it was more comforting than anything, but this time there was a sense of something being left un–

“You look pretty today,” Changkyun said suddenly.

Blinking, your fingers tightened around the mouse as your heart raced. “What? You can’t even see me Changkyun.”

“So?”

“I could be wearing my pajamas for all you know,” your voice faltered, and despite the constriction of wearing jeans, you pulled your legs up on to the chair to hug them to your chest.

“I’ve already seen you in your pajamas,” he joked. “You’re still pretty though.”

He was smiling. You knew for certain that he was, and that made your palms turn clammy, forcing you to wipe them against the pant leg.

“Maybe I’m not, wearing clothes?” Internally you slapped yourself, instantly regretting those words, and perhaps your entire existence at this point. It was still early. Instead of work, maybe you could possibly bury yourself under all the blankets and never answer his phone calls again.

Hearing shuffling coming from the phone, you pressed your lips together, not entirely sure if you wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Are you trying to keep me from my plans today?” His voice deepened and if it weren’t for the fact that you were already sitting down, you were certain that you’d be on the floor.

“No, I’m just stupid,” you blurted out, slamming your hand over your mouth.

Changkyun chuckled, and suddenly the phone seemed closer to him because his voice became clearer. “I think you’re trying to seduce me.”

Oh god. No. It was absolutely the other way around. He was the one who had the advantage on his side, between the lip bites and the selfies he sent that captured his jawline that was perfect to cut glass with. Whether it was his godly features, or when the two of you were video chatting and he rolled onto his stomach and face planted himself into the pillow, you fell for him every time.

“Know what?” You rushed to say, ignoring his laughter. “I have work and you have things to do. Stay safe, and I’ll talk to you later. Bye!”

There was no hesitation. This time you slammed your finger on the end call button and for extra measure, tossed it away and on the bed, letting it disappear among the sea of messy blankets.

Shakily sighing, you slid further down in the chair as the edge of the desk pinned your legs to your chest to keep from falling to the ground. He had never said anything like that before. Sure, there were times where he’d see you do something or when you’d ramble on about a show or work, he’d might say cute, but that always felt like an afterthought.

“Damn it Changkyun,” you said, glaring at where you had thrown the phone and hating the fact that his words kept circling around your mind, making you feel incredibly warmer than you had been ten minutes earlier. Hating that while he was probably going to be on a date with some pretty girl who was worth his time, you were at home, working on a Sunday, wishing that the guy you hadn’t even met in person was here and telling you that in-between kisses.

You ran a hand over your face with a groan, fingers of course getting caught in the bun briefly as you sat up. There was work to be done, and with a click of the mouse, the programs you needed quickly opened up. It was fairly easy, and if you focused, would only take an hour, maybe even less to get done. But with Changkyun on the brain, all you wanted to do was curl back up under the messy blankets and daydream about him. About what it would be like to hug him, to hear his voice in person, and perhaps, spend a Valentine’s day with someone who wouldn’t let you down.

That wasn’t going to happen though. It was a daydream and nothing more.

Lacing your fingers together, you quickly turned them inward, groaning in satisfaction at the loud crack that emitted from the joints. Outside the window that the desk was placed in front of, the sun had already begun its descent for the night. The sky was painted in splashes of orange with lazy clouds slipping in, the remaining bits of blue falling steadily behind.

Despite what Changkyun had predicted, he was only partially correct. With him swimming freely in your mind, you had been distracted, lost in a hazy daydream that made it impossible to focus on the graphics that you were trying to finish up. More often than not you stepped away from the desk, feet guiding you to the other room or in small twirls with the faintest lovesick smile. It was impossible to get anything done. So, you said fuck it. It was Sunday after all, and you weren’t expected to have those scheduled to be posted for a few days. Where was the harm in having one day to yourself? One with no work whatsoever to stress you out?

With work out of the way and having no other plans, another cup of coffee had been made and in the spirit of the holiday, your gaze had lingered on the makeup that sat on the dresser. Most of it had gone unused as the weeks melted into months. Tubes of lipstick and eye shadow palettes once loved had been forgotten about, and as you recalled, the brushes that you typically forgot to clean had been washed out of pure boredom. It was with new motivation that you grabbed a majority of the collection and hopped onto the counter in the bathroom, music playing from a playlist filled with songs from your younger years that held nostalgia, and simply played around with the colors.

By the time you were done, an hour had gone by, and you gained two cut creases with glitter, contoured cheeks, painted your lips, and looked like you were ready to go out for a date out in the city to be wined and dined. Instead, you slipped on a pair of fuzzy socks and slid into the kitchen with plans to see what frozen meal the freezer had to offer. If anything, it had the bare bones of a date. The location? Your couch. The hot leading man? Most likely the main character from whatever show you finally decided on after you gave a good scroll through Netflix. All you needed was utter disappointment and it could be considered a success.

You were torn between making the decision for frozen lasagna or chicken Alfredo, but a sudden and loud knock at the door stopped you. Eyebrows pulling in confusion, you carefully set the food on the counter, taking a moment to slip on the mask that you left hanging on the doorknob for situations like this. Not that they occurred often. With the exception of having food delivered, once the world realized that this pandemic wasn’t just a simple flu and doctors encouraged people to stay home, you hadn’t invited anyone over. It was lonely, and you missed your friends and family greatly, but this wasn’t a situation to take lightly.

“I’m sorry,” you said, opening the door once the fabric mask was securely on. “I think you might have the wrong…”

And you stopped. Stopped talking and stared. Stared at the man leaning against your door frame, wearing a black as ink suit jacket, a pristine white button up shirt was tucked into matching black pants, with the top several buttons undone to reveal a tanned and toned chest that you knew he took pride in considering all the gym selfies he sent. The black fabric mask he wore hid most of his face, but the corners of his eyes were crinkled together.

“I think I’m right where I’m supposed to be,” Changkyun said, his deep voice sounding better in real life than you had expected, and dreamed of.

He pushed off of the frame and it was then that you noticed the things in his hands. In the left, was a plastic bag stuffed with packaged containers, and in the right…in his right wrapped in pink tissue paper was a bouquet of red and pink carnations with babies’ breath mixed in. There had to be at least a dozen, perhaps a baker’s dozen, if not a few extra.

There were no words. After all the books you consumed to pass the time, articles you searched for work, and even countless texts sent to friends, everything escaped you at that very moment because he was here. He was actually here and standing in front of you.

“I know you said you haven’t had anyone over since this started. But I got tested a couple days ago, came back negative, and we’ve both been working from home this entire time so if you want…” Changkyun lifted the bag he held into view and this time, you could see that even though it was triple bagged, you were able to make a red dragon printed on the cartons. “I have Chinese food, and I’m willing to bet that Netflix has something for us to watch. If you’re not comfortable though that’s fine. I have plenty of food that we can—”

Except he didn’t get to finish what he was saying before you tugged him into the apartment by his arm. Immediately, your arms wound their way around his waist and you pressed your face into his chest, tightly hugging him.

“It’s you,” you said, feeling his right arm carefully rest on your back to hold you close, all while being mindful of the flowers that he was carrying.

There was a soft chuckle from above as he laid his head on top of yours. “It’s good to finally see you too.”

Smiling, your arms tightened around him once more before you stepped backwards, letting him enter the apartment completely. “You didn’t have to bring flowers you know.”

“And show up empty handed?”

You gestured towards the table for him to set the food down, taking the flowers and going to the sink. “You bought Chinese food. That more than would have made up for no flowers.” But while the vase filled with water and you trimmed the stems, gently adding them in one by one, there was a warmth spreading within your chest that came right from the heart, even more so when he chuckled. The only people to ever buy you flowers on Valentine’s day were your parents.

Like always, the silence that followed felt natural. The only difference was that you were aware that Changkyun was moving around in the kitchen with you, getting plates and silverware out without having to ask where things were because he had seen you do the same thing countless times before while video chatting. You just never thought he was actually paying attention.

When they were all in the vase, you tossed the ends in the trash and turned around, only to see that once again, he was watching you.

“Why are you staring?”

Changkyun shrugged, running a hand through his hair as the black locks fell right back into his eyes. “I was right.”

Tilting your head, you walked over to the table and set the vase in the center. You were already so close to him, but he leaned his head down, the black fabric of his mask brushing against the top of your ear.

“That you look pretty,” he said softly. “And it’s not because of the makeup. I had a feeling you might dress up today; you look beautiful.”

The air that you had been breathing was instantly stolen, and when you made the mistake of looking up at him, you realized just how close the two of you were. If it weren’t for the masks you both wore…

“You don’t look half bad yourself,” you teased, trying to not glance at where his lips would be. “You’re a lot taller than messenger video makes you out to be.”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. Straightening up, Changkyun slipped his suit jacket off and set it on the back of a chair to undo the buttons on his cuffs, taking the time to roll each sleeve up to his elbows. “You’re meaner in person.”

Good god. You knew that he worked out, but damn. Maybe not for the first couple weeks, eventually Changkyun fell into the habit of sending selfies while he was working out at the gym. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but seeing his tanned arms and the white sleeve making its way up to his elbow, it sparked the butterflies and gave them a newfound fluttering energy.

“Do you wanna eat or not?” Not thinking of it, you reached up to unhook the elastic from around your ears, removing the mask and setting it back on the counter. With a glance up at him, you saw him raise an eyebrow before he mimicked your movements to take off his own mask, revealing the jaw that tempted your daydreams in more ways than you wished.

He smiled, and you handed him his plate and together, the two of you fixed up heaping plates of Chinese food, using the concept of needing to eat to distract yourself. Everything was still hot and as you settled on the couch, steam curled its way up into the air.

“Were you able to get your secret plans done today?” You asked, glancing over at him while Netflix loaded up on the TV screen.

“Why are you so interested in what I had to do?” He was focused on the dumpling that he held with the chopsticks, not meeting your gaze at all.

It wasn’t that you meant to be focused on that. But he had acted so suspicious on the phone earlier, and now he was here, having dinner in your apartment with enough Chinese food to cost a small fortune, along with sixteen carnations – yes, you counted while cutting them – on Valentine’s Day. There had been no warning, and as much as you wanted to believe that he was here for more than a friendly drop in, the idea of him having been on a date earlier in the day and was here to talk about it, about the possible other girl, killed the butterflies. You had already been through this once, you didn’t want to go through it again. Not with him.

Scrolling through the list of suggestions, you didn’t notice Changkyun looking over at you, or the way his face softened. His fingers tightened around the chopsticks and he leaned back against the cushion.

“What’s that one about?” He nodded towards one of the movies that was in the watch again section.

You raised an eyebrow, scrolling over to it. “Please don’t tell me that you’ve never seen Love Actually?”

“If I did, would I have asked what it’s about?”

Unable to stop yourself, an undignified sound escaped you as you wildly gestured with the remote. “How? It’s like the sweetest romance, Christmas movie ever. They play it every year. It even has Liam Neeson, the man promising to find and kill everyone, as a sweet dad who doesn’t kill anyone! That alone is a true Christmas miracle by itself.”

The thought of him being with someone else dissipated at the sound of his laughter. Even caught up in the excitement of this particular movie, you couldn’t stop the smile that grew. No matter what, even in real life or over video, you always found yourself grinning the second he laughed or smiled. He was without a doubt contagious, in the best way possible.

“What are you waiting for?” He said, gesturing towards the screen with the chopsticks, shoulders relaxing at the sight of your smile and apparent joy for the film. One that he had in fact, seen a few times over the years. “Press play.”

There was no hesitation. You were determined to culture him in what you deemed to be a classic in romance films. So, as you comfortably settled in, belly growing full of warm and delicious food, you once again missed Changkyun’s wide smile. It was the kind of grin that no matter what he did, or how serious he tried to be, simply wouldn’t go away.

The empty dinner plates sat long forgotten about on the coffee table as another movie played, this one involving an action pack fight scene with aliens in New York City. Hours had passed since Changkyun arrived at your door, and despite it growing late and Valentine’s Day was nearing its end, his polished shoes were unlaced and tossed on the floor. A wine bottle had been opened up, and you sat much closer to him to share a blanket with him. You were blaming it on the wine for being so bold because when he stretched an arm on the back of the couch, you didn’t think twice about gently leaning your head against it.

You couldn’t even really blame it on the wine. It was the first glass for both of you, and you were a slow drinker, so you were as sober as a newborn lamb at the moment.

It was just like when the two of you would video chat with the same movie on, but so much better. Having him here, you were noticing the smallest things that you’d miss when on the phone.  At the base of his neck was a small mole that you never realized he had, or that he was wearing two thin silver chains – a pair that, now that you thought about it, he never went without. Behind you, he’d occasionally rub his fingers together and the metal of his bracelet would lightly clink against itself. With the few glances that you stole, his attention was solely on the movie and his jaw appeared to be pressed together.

Feeling a sudden weight, you turned to see him settling his arm around your shoulders. His wrist was now hanging over your arm, and it took all your willpower to not reach up with a free hand to lace your fingers loosely with his. When you glanced back up at him, he was in mid sip of his wine, throat bobbing with each swallow.

Shit. This was not helping the butterflies that seemed to have multiplied since his arrival.

Changkyun raised an eyebrow when he lowered his glass, softly humming in question, but you only shook your head and focused back on the movie. Except, now you were hyper aware that he was looking at you this time.

“What’s wrong?” He murmured, his thumb and fingers lightly rubbing against your arm.

That was another thing. His voice was deep. In the calls, the phone occasionally cracked and had made it seem lighter, but it appeared to be just the opposite. He was blessed with a voice that was able to drop lower than a bass, sending your insides to mush when he spoke. It was the type of voice that was destined to recite poetry and old sonnets, to hold three in the morning conversations that went wherever and everywhere. When he called your name, it never failed to send tingles running the length of your body. It was his voice, and you knew that you’d never grow tired of hearing him talk.

“Nothing. I was just thinking,” you said, leaning your head back, his arm comfortable and warm as you looked up at the ceiling, trying to avoid his gaze for a few seconds.

His fingers didn’t stop. The gentle caress, a small reassurance that he was in fact here and this wasn’t your imagination, made it harder to stay where you sat instead of curling into his side like you wanted.

“Thinking about what?”

Letting out a breathless scoff, you tilted your head towards him. Changkyun was a sight to see and you knew that if this was the only time you got to spend with him in person, you were never going to forget this moment.

Your smile softened. “That you’re actually here, after all these months of texts and video calls. You actually came here, and you’re real.”

“Did you think I was a robot or something?” Changkyun teased, but his fingers stopped moving, and that lock of hair fell back into his eyes again.

“Well, you did accidentally call me instead of Jooheon and last time I checked, we look nothing alike.” There was no thinking as you reached up and mimicked his movements to push that damn lock back, feeling how soft his hair was. It brought you a little bit closer to him and in that second, the world suddenly felt like it was no longer moving when you glanced down at his lips. Those pink lips that you wondered and dreamt about night after night, too curious for your own good on what it would be like to kiss him. Now was your chance to find out, especially when he didn’t lean back and appeared to be getting closer.

“Cookies?” You suddenly asked, leaning back to see his eyebrows start to pull together in confusion. Heart racing, you set your wine glass on the coffee table and walked around the couch to step into the kitchen. With only your back to him, you quietly let out a shaky breath. “I know I have some for us to munch on…”

Opening up a cabinet, you stretched on to your toes to search for the package of cookies that you knew were in there, mentally slapping yourself at having done that. He hadn’t backed away, hadn’t tried to stop you, in fact, if you allowed yourself to believe it, you would have recalled that he had started to lean in when you randomly brought up cookies. As much as you wanted to, the last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship.

You were pushing aside a box of crackers when his hand captured your wrist, halting your search. It felt like your heart was about to leap out of its cage when his fingers gently wrapped around your hand, and when his palm settled on a hip, it was equally as comforting as it lit a spark inside you. There was nothing you wanted to do more than to melt into his embrace.

“Sweetheart, do you really think I’m here to just hang out?” He asked, his voice low as he spoke into your ear, his body stepping closer to yours.

“You’re…you’re not?” You weakly asked, nervous because you didn’t want this all to be a joke.

The idea of this being a one night only thing thanks to the holiday left an ache in your bones. You wanted more nights like this with him, wanted to hear him call out your name with that gentle smile of his over and over again. Dammit, you wanted to wake up and have the blankets be stifling hot but not care as you crawled over to his side of the bed, searching for morning cuddles because fuck the person who decided that the workday would start at eight in the morning. The only person you wanted to spend this quarantine with, to be able to touch, to be worried and even scared about all this with, was Changkyun.

Changkyun’s breath hit the back of your neck as he softly chuckled, sending a shiver down your spine. “God, I thought I was being obvious. Let me try this differently.”

Still holding on to your wrist, he turned you around and once you were facing him, let go of your hand to step closer until your back was against the counter. With each breath your chest brushed against his, and when he pushed the hair that had fallen in your face behind your ear, fingers brushing against your cheek, you almost forgot to breathe.

“I know you’ve always had a pretty crappy Valentine’s day,” Changkyun softly spoke. His gaze was steady with yours, and even though he was being serious, there was a softness to his features that had the corner of his mouth curling upwards. “And I thought that the best way to keep that from repeating this year, would be if you spent it with someone, who loves you.”

Who loves…oh.

It suddenly all made sense. Why he didn’t want to say what he was doing to celebrate, him calling you pretty, the food and flowers, the coaxing touches, he could have rented a billboard and put up a neon flashing sign and you probably still would have been blind.

“Changkyun,” you whispered, reaching up to cup his cheek.

He softly smiled as he closed the remaining space between you to rest his forehead against yours, his palms sliding along your body until he had you wrapped in a hug. “There you go, now you get it.”

Giggling, you rolled your eyes out of habit. It was like him to be a smart ass during a moment like this. With that being said, the butterflies fluttered their way up to your heart, and all the daydreams that you entertained and thought nothing would come of them, now had the possibility of becoming reality.

“I love you too,” you said, running your thumb along his cheek as you watched his smile widen.

There was no hesitation, or smart ass comments this time. Instead, when his lips met yours in a kiss, your heart stopped racing. The butterflies finally calmed down and the world around you went out of focus as your fingers slid through his hair. His lips were soft, and thanks to the red wine, there was a lingering tangy sweetness that reminded you of raspberries. You found yourself becoming addicted to his taste, the kisses melting together until you lost track of how long the two of you stood there, content with doing nothing but being wrapped up in each other’s embrace.

A clock chimed out in the apartment, breaking the kiss which only served to make you pout at the loss of his lips. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Changkyun, who smirked before leaning down to give one more kiss, which quickly turned into two, then three.

“Don’t you have work in the morning?” He murmured, resting his forehead once more against yours.

“You trying to kiss and dash?”

His fingers gently pressed into your sides and you squirmed at his touch, giggling at his antics. However, he leaned his head back and sighed. “Like hell I’d do that. But you usually wake up earlier for work, and trust me, I’ll end up keeping you awake if I stay the night.”

There was no doubt about that, and to be truthful, you’d have no issue if that was the case. He was right, but as ideas turned in your mind, you shrugged. “You can’t go out driving though,” you said softly. “You were drinking.”

Changkyun frowned, head tilting as he removed a hand from your back to run through his hair. “Not even a whole glass.”

You raised an eyebrow. It took him having to say he loved you for you to understand how he felt about you despite his dine and wine attempt, and here he was, completely missing what you were suggesting. Either you were absolutely perfect for each other, or equally dense.

“Well, we also broke quarantine,” you said slowly, slipping a finger through his belt loop at the same time to bring him closer. “Isn’t the recommendation to stay at home for what, at least three days?”

He started to tilt his head, mouth opening to question what you were saying until he saw the smile growing on your face. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips together before looking back at you.

“That was horrible,” Changkyun said. He slipped his arms back around you, pulling you away from the counter. His grin said otherwise. “At least I tried being romantic.”

“Well, I mean, if you really want to go back to your place by yourself…”

He didn’t let you say another word, his lips reclaiming yours again, because there was absolutely nothing that felt better than kissing you after months of dreaming what it would be like.

“Don’t go,” you softly murmured against his lips. “Not when you just got here.”

Maybe it was selfish. But you didn’t want to be alone again. Not when he had gone through so much trouble to make this night special, not when you finally knew that he felt the same way about you. After almost a year of staying inside the apartment whenever you could, of going without hugs or get togethers, being able to touch and kiss Changkyun felt like you were relearning what those were all over again. All you wanted was a few days with him.

Changkyun hummed, his arms tightening around you. “Sweetheart, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” he said, gazing down at you as if he had considered the same thing.

The clock that had rang out to announce the hour of a new day and that Valentine’s day was over, continued to quietly tick in the other room. The Earth continued to spin, and outside, the world was exactly how it had been this morning, full of fear, what ifs, and the unknown of a pandemic that didn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.

But inside that small apartment, wrapped in Changkyun’s arms, giggles and laughter filled the walls when he pulled you to the middle of the kitchen and spun you around for a late-night dance. It might not be the thing that changes the world, but for the first time, in a long time, hope began to blossom alongside the butterflies in your stomach. The memories of past Valentine’s days melted away at his kiss, until only the memory of him at your door remained.

Even when it hadn’t felt like it, love and hope had always been there. And now it was here promising lovelier days to come.

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 4]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; masturbation, usage of toys, dirty talkin’, a bit of a filler chapter after last weeks hehe🍒 as always, thank you again for your continued support for cherry bomb 🥺💕 I'm actually not sure if next week’s chapter will go up on time due to my work schedule for next week but I'll be sure to keep y’all updated! if anything it’ll probably go up on saturday instead of friday... 😭😭 But anyway, have a good weekend yall! 💕💕💕 stay hydrated!! 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - ?

The weekend ends quicker than Seungcheol even notices and while he wakes up Monday morning already thinking about you and your show later in the evening; his face falters when he reads the message on your cam homepage.

‘Sorry everyone :( I think I caught a cold so I won’t be doing a show tonight… I promise I’ll make it up to you on Friday! In the meantime, I’ve uploaded some new pics in our members only room~ I hope it’ll tide you all over ‘til then! xx Cherry 🍒 ’

His first reaction is to immediately panic; reaching for his phone and texting you to get as much rest and sleep as possible. He makes a mental note to check in with you again later, finding that he’s already running late to get to work when he gets out of bed.

“Hey! Seungcheol-hyung!”

The said male turns around, placing the set of roller skates on the ground. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Jeongguk sits next to him on the wooden bench, legs stretched out as he passes Seungcheol an energy drink. “Nothin’, just wanted to say thanks for coming over on Saturday! We should try to do that again, except maybe we can go out for drinks or something? We can give it the good ‘ol college try, maybe bring home a girl, if you know what I mean~” Jeongguk wiggles his eyebrows at Seungcheol who rolls his eyes.

“Uh, I’m down for the drinking part but I think I’ll have to pass on the hookups.”

“Really? Why? Are you dating someone and you haven’t told me?”

Seungcheol thanks the gods that the roller rink is dimmed; neon lights and disco balls the only things keeping the entire place dimly lit when he blushes a deep crimson, face hot as he avoids the younger male’s gaze. “Nah, it’s just, I--I don’t think that’s really for me. I’m more of a, uh, relationship type of guy, y’know?” Also, I’m devoting my time and energy to someone already who isn’t really my girlfriend.

“Mm, makes sense!”

Jeongguk keeps Seungcheol company even on his break, the two chatting about various topics before he lets Seungcheol know his break is almost over.

“Hey, wait! Before you go…” Seungcheol is nervous for some reason, fingers gripping the suede of the rollerskate’s boot as he avoids eye contact again. “Um, this is gonna sound really weird but… Who’s ‘j__min’? I feel like I’ve seen that username before and it’s, uh, I’m just curious how you know them? Sorry if that’s weird, I just--I’ve been seeing them around pretty often.”

“Oh, that’s Jimin-hyung. He’s a friend of mine that games with me sometimes! I’ve never really met the dude in person before, but he seems nice.” Jeongguk nods, staring off into space. “He seems really busy all the time too. And he’s super active on social media, that’s probably where you’ve seen him.”

Seungcheol nods; the guy didn’t seem like any sort of immediate threat so he logs the information mentally for now. He’d just have to do some internet sleuthing himself when he got home.

“Oh, cool, okay! Thanks ‘Guk!” 

Seungcheol groans after the seventh pair of skates he’s cleaned, standing up to stretch and reach for his phone in his pocket. He checks the notifications, noting that you hadn’t texted back or read his messages yet.

A frown paints his features knowing that you were sick, but he makes another mental note to finally buy you that sybian now that his most recent paycheck had come in with it’s overtime bonuses. There were only a few more days until Namjoon came back which meant his extra pays would be over, a sad sigh escaping his lips at the thought. 

The day gruels on; Mondays were always the slowest days for the roller rink which meant Seungcheol spent most of the time cleaning skates and bumming snacks from the concession stand usually. He tries to not pry deeper into Jeongguk’s friends but the curiosity eats him alive so he makes an effort to stay away from the younger male for the rest of the day, this time.

Instead, he spends the day hiding in the employee break room any time he gets; only leaving when Yoongi decides to hide in there himself.

Your head feels like it’s going to spin off of your shoulders once you sit up in bed. The sun sits low in the horizon from what you can see through your bedroom window; noting that it must’ve been the late afternoon already.

You’d woken up with chills, head fuzzy when you’d sat up earlier in the morning. Knowing that you were at least somewhat sick, you quickly wrote up a little memo on your homepage letting your viewers know that there wouldn’t be a show later in the evening. Afterwards, you had quickly downed medicine before curling up under your sheets and going back to sleep. You’d vaguely been aware of your phone ringing on the nightstand next to your bed, but you prioritized sleeping instead, knowing that you had to get better before the weekend came.

You groan once you ease yourself off of your bed, dragging your feet as you make your way to the bathroom in hopes of a warm bath to make yourself feel better.

It’s almost 5PM which means it’s almost time for Seungcheol to finally go home. He checks his phone one more time before he pockets the device, putting away the last few pairs of rollerskates before he starts making his way towards the backroom. 

“Hey! ‘Cheol-hyung, can you come over here!?” Jeongguk yells over the music, arms waving him down frantically before he clocks out.

Seungcheol walks over, noting an unknown male standing with him. “Yes? Did you need help?”

“This guy, sorry I forgot your name?” The male laughs, eyes forming crescents when he smiles brightly at Jeongguk. “It’s Seokmin.”

“Right, right. Seokmin is asking if we’re hiring?” Jeongguk ends with a head tilt, unsure of the answer himself.

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek. Technically yes, they were understaffed even with Namjoon around. But Namjoon was also technically the one in charge of overseeing hiring positions. And while they technically should’ve hired more staff, that also meant Seungcheol’s overtime bonuses would be cut anytime they actually had the appropriate amount of staff.

“Uhhhh… I--I don’t think so? I’m not the one in charge. Our manager that decides staff and hiring positions is out of town indefinitely so…” Seungcheol trails off, hoping Seokmin gets the hint.

“Ahh… Should I come back another time then?” Seungcheol nods, frowning slightly. “Sorry ‘bout that man. But hey, why don’t you leave your contact info so we can call you? So you don’t have to keep coming back.”

Seokmin nods, beaming at the older male.

“Sure, that’d be great! Thanks!”

Seungcheol only feels slightly bad when he gets home that night, praying karma doesn’t kick his ass later for lying.

On days when you cancel your show are the days Seungcheol realizes he needs more hobbies than watching your cam shows and gaming all night.

Not that it’s a bad thing, he thinks, just that he could supplement his life with more.

He places an order for a few cookbooks alongside the order for the sybian, soft chuckles spilling from his lips when he realizes what an odd array of things he’s ordered.

Seungcheol manages to fill his night with meaningless tasks; finally cleaning his PC and settling in to watch a movie while he polishes off an entire pizza. He checks his phone a few more times, noting no new messages and he wonders if you’re really okay. A lightbulb goes off in his head, power walking back to his PC as he opens a new browser.

He bites his lip, typing in ‘j__min’ in the search bar to see what comes up. By nature, the username is unfortunately a lot more common than he anticipates and he ends up rifling through a lot of dead ends before he comes upon the profile on the same camming website you used and an instagram that seemed to be updated fairly regularly.

“Let’s see…”

Your body feels hot all over. Pin pricks on your fingertips as a bead of sweat trickles down your temple.

Now, you didn’t feel sick, you just felt incredibly insatiable. Again.

You weren’t sure if it was because your body had adjusted to a certain schedule, but you can’t help the way you toss and turn in bed; thighs rubbing together in hopes of alleviating the growing wetness between them.

Checking the clock, you note it’s already 10PM, close to when you’d normally be doing your show. You sigh, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face as you reach for your phone on the nightstand. You immediately notice a few text messages from Seungcheol; frowning when you notice the text messages were from the morning.

cheollie ✨: hey, baby :( saw your note, i hope you’re okay.

cheollie ✨: make sure to drink a lot of water and take medicine!

cheollie ✨: don’t push yourself too hard either okay?

The messages end there and you pout, unsure what to even say now that it had been hours since he’d texted.

babygirl 🍒 : cheollie… i only saw ur msgs now 🥺

babygirl 🍒 : im sorryyyyy i was sleeping so long but i feel better now!!

Seungcheol closes all his browser tabs before he realizes it, a smile on his face when he sees you’ve responded.

‘That’s okay, I’m just glad you’re okay and feeling better. Promise me you drank tons of water?’

He feels giddy, palms sweaty as he grips his phone.

babygirl: mmhmm! i did… i don’t even feel sick anymore 🥺 but…

babygirl: dunno… i’m feeling needy again… i think my body is used to my usual schedule...

Seungcheol’s body thrums with newfound energy and arousal at your leading comments. He’s unsure of what to say next, fearing he was going to say too much. But his phone pings again, eyes quickly flitting over your messages.

babygirl 🍒 : if ur busy its okay but

babygirl 🍒 : do u think we could cam? just u and me?

babygirl 🍒 : only if ur free tho!!

His fingers are tingling when he sends his reply, making it short and sweet before he places his phone down and makes sure his PC is running smoothly.

‘Of course, you know I’m always here when you need me. :)’

It takes a few minutes for you and Seungcheol to set up your respective spaces and in the meantime, you grab your laptop, propping it open on the bed next to you as you lay in front of it. You had debated on using your better camera which you used for camming, but you didn’t want it to be set up like a cam show.

Instead, you wanted a more intimate and casual video call with Seungcheol, so you made sure your webcam worked fine as you placed it on the sheets.

‘Video Call Incoming…’

You can’t help the blush that coats your skin nor the lust that fills your body as soon as you accept his call; his somewhat blurry figure coming into view.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Seungcheol beams at you through the grainy camera and you already feel yourself clenching around emptiness, words caught in your throat at how handsome he was and how truly enticing his voice was. “H-hi!” Rubbing your thighs together, you peer at the camera shyly. “I--wow, the pictures really… You’re so much more handsome on v-video.” You giggle slightly, leaning in closer to your laptop to get a better view of the silvery-blue haired male.

Seungcheol’s deep laugh filters through the speakers and your toes curl against the sheets.

“You should see me in person, maybe I’ll look even better then.”

You don’t deny that one bit; your own hands already itching to touch yourself. “Oh? Is that an invitation~?”

Seungcheol’s eyes pierce the camera, licking his own lips as you watch him  snake a hand down into his sweats.

“If you want it to be, sweetheart. But tell me about you, how are you feeling? Have you eaten already?”

Gulping, you watch as his hand seems to work slowly and out of view. “I--um, I feel b-better just… Dunno, guess my body’s just used to, um, y’know… A-and I haven’t really had much of an appetite...” You trail off, head still fuzzy from the cold medicines and now, Seungcheol.

In a roundabout way, it almost feels like you’re watching him do a show for you as you watch him slowly get off.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, baby. But you know you should try to eat, okay? I don’t want you to get even sicker.” You nod, fingertips already at the edge of your sleep shorts. 

“I--c-can I touch myself too?” Seungcheol laughs lightly, nodding as he tilts his head back. “Of course, you don’t need to ask me for permission, baby.”

You grin at him, sitting up as you reposition the laptop. Your hand slides underneath a pillow, grabbing the small bullet vibrator you kept there. “Do you always keep a toy handy?” His voice is airy, teasing in the way he asks.

“Mmhmm~ You never know when you’ll need it~” You sing-song, shimmying your sleep shorts and panties off before you spread your legs in front of the camera.

The air gets knocked out of Seungcheol the second you spread your legs for him and him alone and he can’t help but imagine all the things he wanted to do with you. He watches as you tease yourself, fingertips only grazing across the areas he knew you wanted to be touched the most. 

“I can’t wait for us to finally fuckin’ meet.” He grits out.

A moan floats through the speakers of Seungcheol’s gaming PC, your saccharine voice music to his ears. “M-me too, wanna know what you’d do to me~” You giggle afterwards, pressing the vibrator to your clit as you spread your legs wider for him to see. Seungcheol’s hand around his cock tightens as he watches, an appreciative smirk on his face.

“Oh sweetheart, what wouldn’t I do to you.” You can’t help but slide your fingers through your wet folds listening to Seungcheol’s voice, whimpering when you finally slide a finger in. “Yeah? What would be the first thing? Tell me, ‘Cheollie~”

Even through the webcam quality, you can see the way Seungcheol’s eyes glaze over in complete pleasure. He licks his lips once, leaning in close so that you can hear him clearly.

“I know you probably think I’d get straight to the filthy shit, huh? Pin you to your bed and fuck you until you forget your own name or tie you up to the bedposts and make you beg for me to fuck you. But I wouldn’t. Because I wanna worship your fuckin’ body. I’d take it nice and slow with you, give you as many orgasms as you want.”

“F-fuck, Seungcheol, I–”

“You could use me for your pleasure, y’know? You deserve it. You’re such a good girl. I’d give you anything you fuckin’ want if you’d let me.”

Your choked moans have Seungcheol working his cock faster; nothing on his mind except for you and his impending orgasm. “Oh g-god, Seungcheol, I--fuck, yes, I want that~ I want you to--to make me cum as many times as I w-want!” You mewl, easily working in another finger as you pump the digits inside your pussy.

He smirks when he sees your grip on the vibrator loosening, knowing that you were already too lost in the pleasure to keep the toy on. “And I’d let you. Maybe I’d make you cum on my tongue first. Or would you want my fingers?”

“B-both! Puh--please…” You whine, legs threatening to clamp shut. You curl and scissor your fingers, thrusting them knuckle deep inside yourself as you chase the pleasure that overtakes your senses. “Please, ‘Cheol, tell me more~”

You watch through the camera as Seungcheol pushes his sweats down enough to get his cock into view; mouth watering as you watch it curve up to his lower abdomen.

“I know how much you love being doted on and being taken care of… So after I make you cum all fuckin’ night, you know I’d take care of you. Make sure you’re comfortable and cuddle with you when you’re tired.” His hips cant up into his closed palm, a soft groan on his lips. “And then when we wake up, I’ll eat you out. Nice and slow so you know it’d be worth it.” 

Seungcheol smirks, smearing the precum all over his shaft. “But I also know you like it rough and you like being punished like a bad girl. You like the idea of being tied up and teased and being fucked nice and hard too. I could take it nice and slow, build up the pleasure for you. Or I can take it nice and slow and tease you, I’d make you sit on my cock ‘n make you wait for it ‘til you’re begging me. Or maybe you would want an audience? Let them see you fall apart on my cock when you’re desperate to cum.” 

You press the vibrator against your clit again, Seungcheol’s name falling out of your mouth in a blubbering mess. “Oh--I--!!”

Your legs clamp shut, fingers halting their movements as you cum hard around your fingers. Seungcheol watches as your legs shake, his own hand running up and down his cock in quick motions as he chases his high too. You vaguely hear him groaning your name; the ringing in your ears overbearing as your orgasm continues to wash over you.

The sound of your quick and shallow breaths mix with Seungcheol’s over the speakers as the two of you catch your breath. You slip your fingers from inside of you, wincing when you turn off the toy and toss it to the side.

“Fuck, baby, I--”

“Y-yeah…” You quietly lick your fingers clean, knowing that Seungcheol’s watching. “I… that was the first time I… did that with s-someone…” You giggle tiredly, wiping the rest of your sticky fingers on your shirt.

“Really? Never?” Seungcheol’s surprised expression makes you giggle; his eyes round and mouth wide open as he leans closer to his webcam.

“Mmhmm! Just, y’know, it’s--it’s hard to get close to people sometimes…”

You had mentioned it off-handedly once while the two of you had been texting, that most of the dates you’d been on hated the fact that you cammed. There was always a possessive aura that was present and while Seungcheol would sometimes get a little jealous himself, he also knew it was your livelihood and how you supported yourself.

“Ah, yeah, I can understand.”

The two of you sit in a content silence, Seungcheol reaching for a few tissues to clean off the drying cum on his abdomen.

“Hey, ‘Cheol?”

“Yeah?” He peers up at the camera through his lashes, blinking rapidly as he watches you lay back down in front of your laptop.

“About what you said… earlier…” You pause, shyness overtaking once again. “I--Would you want to meet up? Like, for real? I mean--not--not like tomorrow or something but... Y’know, we can start planning?” 

Any words that come after that turn into radio static in Seungcheol’s head and he can feel his pupils shaking, nervousness already bubbling up inside of him at the prospect of actually finally maybe getting to meet you. 

“Seungcheol? ‘Cheollie? You okay?” 

Fuck.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah! I’m cool, I’m good, sorry, that--that caught me off guard.”

He watches as you talk animatedly, mind already going a mile a minute as he thinks over everything that needed to be done before then. 

“I’m really excited to meet you, ‘Cheollie!” 

[xgryffinwhore]

Young Sirius Black x Reader!!

Stolen Star

summary: You and Sirius have been best friends for a while, but what happens when he gets sick of burrying his feelings for you?

warnings : fluff, liiiiight smut, i may have spelt words wrong?

This was a regular evening you spent with your friends in the chilly Gryffindor common room, late November, gathered by the fire and goofing around as you all had done for years previously. It was your 6th year, finally. As the night rolled by, the laughter became more contagious, and smiles widened to what witty thing James was going to say next. Remus and Peter sitting on the floor laughing at him. Lily hiding her face, embarrassed of her choice of a man. And you and Sirius. Like always, together.

You and had grown up a few houses down from James, so entering Hogwarts wasn't lonely. He made friends quickly, but you didn't. You were very independent, that’s why most people found you intimidating. But James understood that and introduced you to the infamous marauders, who became your family faster than anyone imagined. The entire group was inseparable; you, Lily, James, Peter, Remus, and Sirius went everywhere together. But you and Sirius moved as one. But you and Sirius, you moved as one. From the moment he met you, he knew you were going to be important to his life.

You were sitting with James during dinner, it was the first night of Holiday break after exams, and your parents went to Ireland to go visit a sick fired, so you were forced to stay at school. James' parents learned fast that having James at school as much as possible was most beneficial to their stress levels, so he was also spending holiday break at school. You were eating your pudding, laughing at James’s fail of a paper snowflake when a small lanky boy with messy black hair sat across from the both of you. You looked up immediately, his grey eyes we're playful and guilty (of what, we do not know) and had was looking rather mischievously at James when you caught his eye. ”Mate” he threw a pea at James’s temple ”Whos that?” he side-eyed you. Are you joking? You were right there. ”Are you serious right now?” He snickered ”Yeah, yeah I am, Who are you?” Then you remembered. It’s Sirius Black, he pantsed a 5th year and got hung up on a flag pole. You’ve heard things about him; absolutely not one thing good. You smirked lightly and said ”I could tell you..” you trailed off and loaded for a spoon with pudding. ”Or, I could just” and you wanted the gushy chocolatey mess directly onto his cheek. James boomed milk out of his nose and hit the table laughing uncontrollably. You got up and walked away, hearing a distraught yet entertained Sirius equal ”Oui I like her, she's got spice!” All break, Sirius bothered you, trying to get to know you better. You eventually gave in.

And now here you are, years later and closer then magnets. Your personalities complimented each other, and you absolutely adored each other. Of course, you thought of Sirius as more than a friend, the sexual tension between you two was astronomical, but you knew he thought of you as a sister. As the night went on, Sirius’s arm never left your shoulder. This hand always found its way to your knee. And he was constantly looking back at you, to see your reaction to things he and his idiot friends were doing. It was late, you were tired ”Lils, I'm going to bed, come with?” you gestured at lily with your fingers, she grabbed them and you both waved goodbye to the boys. Giving them hugs and goodnight messages. ”Night Sirius, ill see you tomorrow.” He smiled at you and kissed your hand ”Goodbye doll, I'll be seeing you bright and early tomorrow, saving your seat.” And with a wink, you were up the stairs in bed, sleeping soundly after a long lovely night with the people you love.

*Sirius POV*

There she goes, the girl with the perfect wink, the perfect smile, the perfect shoulder to rest on, the perfect everything. Sirius had it for you bad, for years now, how could he not. All his mates knew, the people who saw you knew, and the ones who didn't, wouldn't take long to figure it out. He was going to tell you that night, he swore. After your foot disappeared from the stairs, the other three boys gave him quite the nag. ”I recall some cocky bastard declaring he was going to confess to a certain Y/n how he felt tonight, hm?” James poked at your rib. ”Yeah pads, it's killing us, and I bet it's killing her,” Remus said roughly. Remus and James passed an upset Sirius, bumping their shoulders with his and heading up their dorm. Peter followed quickly, giving Sirius an empathetic look. Sirius stood there for a minute, thinking how stupid he was, Y/n is a perfect girl, if she doesn't like him she doesn't like him and that's that. But it's killing him and everyone around them to see they're flirting goes unsolved. He knew what he had to do.

*back to reader*

You some up late the next morning, around 10. You missed breakfast, and Lily was sitting on your bed, looking at you and beamed when your eyes opened. ”Good morning Y/n, Sirius is waiting for you down in the common room, had said rake your time.” You rubbed your eyes and waved her off. You out on one of your casual skirts and your usual Sunday jumper, Y/f/c of course, it brought out your eyes. You pulled back your hair in a messy low bun, leaving strands out to frame your face. You skip down the stairs to see Sirius waiting on the couch. You tap his shoulder and are greeted with a bright smile. “Lauren” he grins standing up and picking you up, throwing your body over his shoulder and out of the portrait hole. “Sirius!? Where are you taking me” you begin picking his back and kicking. “Love, it would be so much easier if you just trusted me and waited” he patted your bum and you hit his spine. He set you took you up the astronomy tower. “So you mean to tell me you got me out of bed and carried me like a sack of potatoes, to a tower to be used during the night, in the afternoon?” You liked at him confused; “Y/n can’t I just have no excuse to hang out with you? is it that big of a deal that I just wanted hang out” he turned away sounding annoyed. You walked up slowly and put your hand on his shoulder and turned him around “Sirius is there something wrong? I’m sorry, we hang out all the time I just didn’t know why you brought me here” she looked at him, in a way that made his heart wrench. He took her hand in his and with the other brushed the strands from her face “Y/n” he looked into your soul with those grey eyes “I need you to close your eyes for my love, trust me?” you did, blindly. Closing your eyes was intimidating, the second your eyes shut, your heartbeat sped up, and you knew he could hear it. you felt his face grace your jawline and baby hairs and suddenly, soft lips were on yours. you were breathless for a second, so was he. this was it. you wrapped your arms around his neck and back and parted your lips inviting him in. he took the opportunity with a low groan from the back of his throat. his hands hastily roamed your waste and hips, bring them closer to his core. His tongue darted in and out of your mouth, teasing you. His right hand began roaming the front of you, but stopped under your breast and tremored back down to your stomach. you broke the kiss to move his hand back up to cup your breast ”you can do that you know” you blushed. He looked down in amazement then back into your y/e/c eyes ”doll, I’m in love with you.” “Sirius, I love you” you whispered, that set him off. he picked you up by your thighs and drove you up the stone wall, holding you up and kissing you monstrously. you but your fingers in his hair and pulled it. Sirius let out a weak moan as he began creating friction between your womanhood and his member. you could feel his heat, and you were sure he could feel yours. you pulled his hair harder, rolling your hips into his, creating a sloppy, moaning mess. you’d never had sex, but you were ready for him. you’d been ready for him. you began taking off your shirt, but to your surprise, he set you down. you looked up at him in shock and confusion, but before you could question him he put his index finger in front of your mouth and smiled “there’s no rush Y/n, I’m taking my time with you.” You spent The remainder of the day up in the astronomy tower, sharing stories of how you almost told each other of your true feelings, and the memories you shared that were romantic, and every thought or feeling that you’ve ever had with each other. you were in the middle of kissing, Again (why wouldn’t you be its mother trucking Sirius black) when you heard to victory giggles from the stairwell. “ FINALLY! HALLELUJAH!” James cry it out, well Remus stayed by his side looking giddy. James walked over to Sirius and punched him in the shoulder “ Atta boy, knew you’d do it, you too need a good snogging” Remus came over and pulled James away and began ushering him down the stairs.

[cutesuki--bakugou]

Christmas Promises

Pairing:  Bakugou x Koge (OC) Genre: Fluff / Romance / Humor Rating: Teen Warnings: Cursing, kissing, cuddling a/n: Why am I writing something about Christmas when it’s.... not Christmas?? Because I started this when the Christmas chapter came out, and I just now finished it, but I’m gonna post it anyways. So enjoy lol. 

Finally, it was over. 

Although that tired relief flooded through Bakugou as he trekked up the stairs to his dorm room floor, he did have to admit that the whole Christmas party wasn’t as horrible as it could have been. He had been annoyed that his multiple attempts to flee had been thwarted, as did his wanting to not wear the stupid Santa coat and hat. Though, it was of little consequence, as the good food and semi enjoyable company had kept him in a decent mood. All in all, not quite what he had been anticipating, but it did still have one major flaw. 

He hadn’t been able to include his stupid blank-faced girlfriend in the festivities, as each class for UA was having their own party with their classmates. She wasn’t allowed to jump ship and join him instead, and he found himself thinking about her often. It wasn’t just him that was bummed out at her absence, as she had thrown a bit of a pouty fit herself when she couldn’t join him. Now it was very late, and with the presence of Aizawa in the building, he doubted that he would get to see her until morning. Sure, they could exchange gifts then and have their own time together, but he knew very well that she wouldn’t have the patience for that. 

Bakugou highly anticipated that his cell phone, which he had left in his bedroom, was full of messages or pictures from her. Unlike him, she absolutely loved Christmas, and he was sure that she enjoyed herself even if he wasn’t there. She had already gone on and on about how fun it was to decorate their dorm common room, and even her dorm room looked like it threw up Christmas. He could hardly stand to be in there from the overwhelming scent of peppermint and whatever other stupid candle scents she had going, but he did have to admit that seeing her so excited made him… happy. 

They had only been dating since Summer, which sat them at a little over five months now, but he had been friends with her since they were children. He had always known she was obsessed with holidays, Christmas in particular, but she seemed extra excited about it now that they were dating. It was the intimacy, he assumed, that had her so soft and warm, and besides her decorating obsession, he couldn’t complain. He was positive that she would complain herself, however, when she saw the pictures of him in this stupid Santa coat and hat, when he had viciously refused to wear anything similar even for her. They would have to vanish before she saw them for sure, or he knew he’d be subjected to more nonsense. Though forcing her to wear it wasn’t a bad idea, either… 

Giving a hefty yawn as he stopped in front of his dorm room door, Bakugou took a moment to rub the back of his neck, the white fluff of the coat tickling his skin. With the thought of sleep foremost in his mind, he opened the door and walked inside, letting it shut behind him and shower him in darkness. It soothed his tired eyes, and in that moment, he decided that he didn’t even care about changing or even taking off the coat. Removing his slippers as he shuffled over to his bed, he crawled onto the plush comfort before flopping down onto his side, facing out towards the open room with his back to the wall. 

Although he knew that he should look at his phone, the mattress began to swallow him, his body heavy with sleep. That is, until he felt… something. A soft, warm breeze on his face, like someone was… breathing on him? Other things began to creep up on him, like the feeling of a body beside him and even the sheets moving with each breath that was made. Holding his own breath, he opened his eyes, glancing about in the darkness to try and see who was there with him. The instant he noticed the shuffling of the black blob beside him, Bakugou didn’t even take a moment to think about who it might be, shoving them out of his bed roughly before sitting up and pressing his back to the wall beside him. “What the fuck?!”

The squeal that filled the air was familiar, Bakugou’s stomach instantly clenching in a confusing mix of worry and annoyance. “Utsuro?! What the fuck!” Fumbling over his bed, he snapped on the lamp that rested on his nightstand, glaring down at the lump on his floor. “I could have fucking killed you! What are you doing here?!” 

With a groan, Koge, rolled over onto her back, reaching up to rub the side of her head that had impacted with the floor. “I wanted to surprise you, Katsuki, but I didn’t think you’d come to bed without turning the light on first!” Pout on her lips, she propped herself up on her arms, glowering up at him with that pale blue gaze he adored. “I just wanted to come visit you on Christmas Eve… So I snuck in while you were all cleaning.” 

“It’s not Christmas Eve anymore Utsuro, it’s Christmas Day now… technically.” He glanced at his clock, which glared at him in its bright green color that only made the late night hour more irritating. “You shouldn’t have snuck in, Aizawa’s still up and about in the main room.” 

“He’s about to leave, I know little Eri needs to go to bed.” With a sigh, she hopped up onto her feet, adjusting her t-shirt and sweatpants that had gotten jumbled in her fall. Bakugou noted that those were actually his sweatpants that she somehow got to fit decently, and that she had helped herself to out of his dresser. 

“You stole my clothes. Again.” 

“I did.” Koge lifted a leg out in front of her, displaying the pants that she had rolled up to fit around her ankle. “I was cold when I got here, my little pajamas weren’t enough. Aren’t you gonna apologize for shoving me to the floor?” 

“Me? Apologize to you?” Bakugou scoffed, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “You, who snuck into my room with the intent to scare me in the first place?” He took her hands as she approached him, standing between his legs. 

Koge gave a small shake of her head, smiling at him sweetly, bringing a heat to his ears. “Not true, I hadn’t come to scare you, I just wanted to surprise you when you came in. Surprise and scare are two different things.” 

With a soft grunt in reluctant agreement, Bakugou released her hands to instead wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her in closer. Caressing his cheeks tenderly, Koge placed a soft kiss on his lips, which Bakugou returned without hesitation. He may have been annoyed with her little attempt at a prank or whatever it was, but he couldn’t resist her. It had been hard on him at first, to go from best friends to lovers, but now he couldn’t imagine it any other way. The way she looked at him with such sweet adoration and her touch as soft as silk was something that he never wanted to lose, even if he couldn’t find it within himself to tell her such things. At least, not yet. 

When the kiss ended, he glanced over her for a second. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” 

“No, Katsuki, I’m okay. But there’s something else I’m more concerned about right now.” 

“What’s that?” 

“How the hell did they get you to wear a Santa coat when I couldn’t?!” 

With a roll of his eyes, Bakugou gave an annoyed groan and shoved his face into her chest, squeezing her body tightly in punishment for bringing it up. “They wouldn’t leave me alone! If I wanted a moment of peace, I had to do it… It’s not like I enjoy it!” 

Koge giggled softly, only making the heat in Bakugou’s ears spread to his cheeks. “Aw, but it looks good on you. You have a hat, too?” 

Reaching into the pocket of his sweatpants, Bakugou pulled out the matching hat, letting her take it before latching his arm back around her. He couldn’t stop an annoyed growl as she wiggled it onto his head, though he didn’t try to stop her. “I don’t want it.” 

“No c’mon, let me see it! Please.” She gave a light push to his shoulders, trying to get him to sit up. “I deserve at least a little peek at how cute you are. If your whole class gets to see it, then I do, too.” 

With a hefty groan in annoyance, Bakugou peeled himself away from her, glaring up at her flushed and smiling face. The smile on Koge’s lips only grew, adjusting the hat to fit him better. “Adorable. My little Santa Katsuki.” 

“If you keep this up I’m turning into Krampus.” 

Giggling, Koge shifted herself up to sit on his lap, facing him. “Ooh, so you’ll just steal me away, huh?” 

Bakugou took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her waist, keeping her body close. “Damn right. You’d be easy to stuff in a sack.” He trailed kisses along her neck softly, her sweet sigh making his stomach flutter. 

“And then what would you do to me?” 

Smirking against her skin, he moved his hands to her ribs. “Eat you.” With that, he chomped down on a ticklish part of her neck while squeezing her ribs, making Koge squeal and erupt with laughter. As she tried to escape, he used his grip on her to scoop her up, playfully slamming her down onto the bed beneath him. With her arms latched around him, he couldn’t help but to kiss her, muffling her giggles with a final surprised squeak from her lips. He could easily get lost in her touch, and he surely would have, if not for the voice that rang from his dorm room entrance. 

“Hey Bakugou, we’re gonna stay up later and watch some scary Christmas movies, you wanna-- oh shit!” 

The sound of Kaminari’s voice made Koge jump, knocking her forehead into Bakugou’s and forcing him to release her with a hiss. Before he could even snap back, the door was shut and Kaminari could be heard whining about his eyes being on fire and how they should lock the door. Kirishima and Ashido could be heard cackling down the hallway, which only made the fire in Bakugou’s cheeks flush hotter, his passion now replaced with anger. 

“Fucking dickheads, don’t they know how to knock?! I need to kick their asses--” Before he could get up, Koge latched onto the front of his shirt with a strong grip gaining his attention. Although her cheeks were bright red, she shook her head, pout on her lips. 

“No, you stay here. They’ve gotten to have you around all night, now it’s my turn.” Koge wrapped her arms around him again as he settled back against her comfortably. After sharing another kiss, Bakugou shoved his face into her shoulder, still struggling with the embarrassment of being caught. “Someone’s selfish.” 

“When it comes to you, Katsuki, I’ll be as selfish as I want. I want all your attention.” 

“Sounds like eventually you’ll have me tied up in the basement.” 

Koge gave a playful, menacing laugh, digging her fingers into his hair to massage his scalp. “Oh yes, you will be my prisoner for life. You’ll cook me dinner every night, rub my feet and tell me you love me.” 

“Sounds more like marriage.” 

“Exactly.” 

Bakugou scoffed, pulling himself from her before standing. “Who said I’m gonna marry you?” 

“Me.” Koge smiled up at him, instantly making his face flush again. Bakugou hated how she could do that, making him a flushing mess just by putting a smile on her face. Most of the time, he didn’t know how to process or even understand the way she made him feel. The emotions and feelings were so foreign to him that they still baffled him, but how could he talk to her about it? He knew that she wouldn’t make fun of him, but she very well may not know how to explain it either. In time, he figured, they would start to make sense, and he was willing to wait to see where they would lead him. 

Grumbling, Bakugou made his way over to her bag that rested by his desk, squatting down to dig through it. Koge sat up when she realized what he was doing, standing and hopping over to him. “Ah no, Katsuki, you can’t just go through my bag! What are you doing?!” As she leaned on his back with her arms around his neck, Bakugou ignored her demands to stop, pulling out a gift bag and a wrapped up box. 

“I knew you had presents in here for me.” 

“Rude! You can’t just demand your presents.” She huffed as she was forced to sit on the floor as Bakugou did, already ripping the paper off of the wrapped up box. Koge nuzzled her face into his back between his shoulder blades, squeezing his torso with no real consequence. “You’re supposed to let me give them to you!” 

“No, I’m Krampus. I’m just going to fucking steal the presents. Or is that the Grinch? What the fuck ever. Oh shit, these are nice, what are they?” 

“Hm?” Koge wiggled herself over to sit beside him, though she never released her grip. “Oh, they are specially made gloves for drummers. Though they are extra special for you. They have the normal ability hold sweat, but even better, they work to counteract your nitroglycerin. So not only do you not sweat, but it makes it had for explosions to happen. They’re basically the opposite of your hero costume gloves.” Koge took one from his hand, feeling the soft orange fabric and observing the details. “Ever since the culture festival, you’ve gotten back into drums, and I thought you could use a good pair.” 

Bakugou tried one on his left hand, testing the fit and flexibility by clenching and opening his fist. “Pretty good, Utsuro. They’re fucking awesome.” As he removed the glove and placed them both back into their package carefully, Koge smiled, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. 

“You’re welcome.” 

With a quick kiss to the top of her head, he moved on to the bag, tossing the paper out of it haphazardly. When he finally noticed the items, he first leaned over a bit, looking into the bag with confusion. “The fuck are these, CDs?” 

“Hey! They’re collectors editions, butthead.” 

“Hm.” Pulling them out, Bakugou flipped through the cases. “These are good bands… And these are hard versions to find. Where’d you get them?” 

Koge shook her head, sly smile on her lips. “I’m not telling. Then you’d know where I buy a bunch of your gifts and you’d be able to get them first yourself.” 

“That has to be a good fucking website then or whatever, these are rare and in like… perfect condition.” He opened one of the cases, observing the disk inside. “No scratches, either. I don’t know if I’d ever use them, but they’re cool to have and brag about.” 

“You like them?” 

“They’re awesome.” Bakugou kissed her softly, calming the obvious worry she had that he didn’t appreciate them. “Shitty Hair will be jealous.” 

Koge giggled as she watched him set them aside, before going back to digging through her bag. “Wrong pocket, big guy.” 

With a grunt, Bakugou opened the front pocket, pulling out a smaller rectangular box that wasn’t wrapped. After sharing a quick glance with her, he could see the true excitement and anticipation in her eyes, giving him a hint that this was the most important gift out of the bunch. Turning to face her, he opened the box, a bit surprised at what was inside. A silver thick chain metal bracelet, which was chunky and decently heavy from the feel of the box. What caught his attention at first, though, was the long rectangular metal plate, which hate two clear stones - diamonds, he assumed - on either end. There was nothing engraved on it, which baffled him even more, prompting him to take it out of the box. 

As he looked it over, Koge timidly reached over and touched the metal plate. “It’s blank right now because… Well, you don’t have a hero name yet. But when you do, we’ll get it engraved. Like you did for me.” Bakugou’s gaze followed her hand as he reached up to tenderly touch her necklace, the silver plate resting delicately under the curve of her collarbone. The petite diamond that hung from the metal plate shimmered in the low light, the necklace striking against her pale skin. He had just given it to her for her birthday a little over a month ago, and he hadn’t seen her without it on since. Crystalline was the word engraved on the front, something that was so important to her and showed just how far she had come. It was a sentimental gift that he had been worried about giving to her, but after seeing how emotional it made her and how much she adored it, he wasn’t surprised that she would come back to him with something just as touching. 

Flipping the plate over on his new bracelet, there was already an engraving on it, which matched the back of her necklace. Two capital K’s, separated by a heart. Running his thumb along the engraving, he couldn’t resist the small smile on his lips. “You’re such a copycat, Utsuro.” Pushing up his Santa coat sleeve, he plopped the bracelet into her hands, prompting her to tenderly put it on his wrist. 

“I wanted us to have something that matches… do you not like that?” 

“Would I want you to put it on me if I didn’t like it, Utsuro?” After she got it in place, he reached up to caress both of her cheeks, leaning forward to kiss her sweetly. It was quick to grow more passionate with his excitement of the gift, allowing her to wiggle her way up and onto his lap facing him. When the kiss calmed, he carefully moved some hair out of her face, smirking against her lips at the flushed and happy expression on her fair features. “It’s perfect. Cheesy as shit, but perfect. Thank you. For all of it.” 

Koge’s face somehow flushed darker, smiling as she shyly played with a lock of his hair, twisting it around her fingers. “You’re welcome. I’m so happy that you liked everything.” 

“Just don’t get all sad if you don’t see me wearing this as often as you wear the necklace.” 

“I know, I know. I won’t, Katsuki. But, I did make sure it’s strong enough to withstand one of your explosions. So if you’re wearing it on a casual day and there’s an emergency… It won’t go anywhere.” Koge moved her fingers down to his neck, softly massaging his skin. “It should be very durable.” 

“Good. You think of everything. Even if you are an airhead.” 

“I’m only an airhead when you kiss me and take my breath away.” 

With a roll of his eyes, Bakugou gave her a rough and playful kiss, tightening his grip on her and standing. Giggling, Koge kept a tight grip on him, though she let go when he placed her down on the bed. “Time for bed, now?” 

Bakugou raised an eyebrow at her, kneeling down and opening up a drawer in his bed frame that he used as storage. “Don’t you want your gifts?” 

“Mine? Oh- Geez, Katsuki, that’s so many!” Koge gave a small gasp as she looked into the drawer, counting at least fifteen gifts all varying in size and style of packaging. “Now I feel bad, I didn’t get you this much!” 

“Don’t feel bad Utsuro, you’re not getting all these right now.” 

“Oh.” Koge leaned over, trying to see them all. “Well why not?” 

“These are all things that I have for you, but couldn’t ever… figure out when would be best to give them to you. So tonight, you get to pick three.” 

“Why only three?” “Because I only got three.” 

“That’s not how Christmas works!” Koge flopped to lay down, half of her body hanging off the bed as she pouted. 

“You’ll get all of them eventually, just shut up and pick.” 

Grumbling, Koge peered down at the gifts, trying to gauge what each one might be according to its size and wrapping. After a moment of contemplation, she pointed to a flat rectangle box, wiggling her finger a bit. “That one. That’s gotta be clothes.” 

Picking it up, Bakugou handed it up to her, satisfied with her first choice. Though, he did grow a bit annoyed as she first observed the wrapping, like she was scared to rip it. “Go on, what are you doing?” 

“If you were planning on giving everything to me, then why did you wrap them all so perfect? Wasn’t that a waste of your time?” 

“Nothing’s a waste of time if it’s for you Utsuro. Besides, I had Kirishima and Nene help me do it. Can’t you tell some of them are overly done with Nene’s stupid artsy bullshit?” He flicked a curly ribbon that was placed on the top of a different box, which was indeed very fancy compared to some of the others. Koge smiled as she sat up, digging her fingers into an edge and pulling the paper away. 

“You’re sweet. You did pretty neutral wrapping at least, so you can just leave them all wrapped.” 

“Exactly.”

As Koge opened the box, she instantly burst out into giggles, picking up the shirt and holding it out from her a bit to observe it better. “It says my name on it!” Well, it didn’t exactly say her name. The shirt was a pale blue cropped long sleeve top, with the word ‘Utsuro’ across the chest in white letters, both with actual letters and the kanji spelling of it. “It’s so soft and cute! I love the fabric- Oh, shorts, too?!” As she peered back into the box, a pair of shorts and sweat pants were waiting for her. Both pieces of clothing white in color, the word ‘Utsuro’ was across the butt of the shorts, and down the front left leg of the sweatpants in blue text that matched the shirt. “You custom made these?!” 

“Mhm.” Bakugou nodded, watching her closely. “They were having a buy two things get one free so… Bonus shorts.” 

“Thank you, Katsuki, it’s so awesome and funny. I love them.” Folding the clothing back up and leaving it in the box, she pushed it aside for now, turning her attention back to the pile of gifts. “Next… that little purple bag?” As Bakugou handed it to her, he couldn’t help but feel confused as to what was in it. For some reason, he couldn’t remember, and he could only hope that it wasn’t something particularly important. 

As Koge took the white paper out, she first stared down into the bag with confusion apparent on her face. “Katsuki…?” 

“What? Is it empty? I don’t even remember what was in that one--” He choked on his own words as Koge pulled out the small black ring box that was inside, nearly sending himself into a coughing fit. “W-wait, Utsuro, don’t open it!” 

Koge held the small box tenderly to her chest, looking down at him instead as her brow furrowed. “It’s a ring? Katsuki--” 

“It’s not anything that important! Fuck, they weren’t supposed to wrap that one. Damn it!” He moved to sit beside her, trying to control his urge to just rip it out of her hands and hide it. “You’re not… I wasn’t ready to give that to you.” 

He knew that the panic was clear on his face, but he couldn’t help it. That ring was important. It was a promise ring that he had bought for her in plans on giving it to her either on their first anniversary. Or maybe their second? On her birthday? He didn’t know when or how he wanted to give it to her, but this was something he wasn’t ready for. Not because he didn’t feel that strongly for her, but because he thought it was too soon. He had bought it on impulse in the first place, and giving it to her within the next year wasn’t something he had been prepared for. Now it was in her hands, and he wasn’t sure he was going to be getting it back. 

“You weren’t… ready?” Koge turned her gaze back down to the box, running her fingers along the velvet surface carefully. “You know I don’t wear jewelry unless it’s important, so it has to be… No way it’s a wedding ring--” 

“Don’t try to guess Utsuro, seriously.” Bakugou held his hand out, hoping she would hand it over. “Just… Just give it to me, okay? It won’t be the last time you see it. When you do get it, it will… mean much more than it does now.” 

Looking back up at him with a bit of confused concern, Koge placed the box into his hand, though her reluctance was obvious. How much she wanted it was clear, but how could he possibly give it to her now? He had no speech planned, no cute date or romantic evening to go off of. It was just them, in their pajamas during the middle of the night with not another soul around them. But maybe… that is exactly how it should be. 

Clutching the box tightly in his hand, Bakugou gave a heavy sigh, glaring down at it. He wanted more than anything for her to have it, to see her wearing it proudly just as she did her necklace. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind about how happy she would be to receive such a sentimental expression of how much he cared for her. But again, the thought crept up in the back of his mind… What if it’s too soon? 

He knew that his thoughts of ‘too soon’ were set by society's standards of what was acceptable. Even still, there was no one in the world who knew the way they felt about each other. Not even Nene or Kirishima could understand it. Their connection that was built over a lifetime of bonding, and this was merely a promise that he wouldn’t hurt her. 

After a moment of sitting in awkward silence, Bakugou shook his head, turning a bit to face her. “Look… I thought that maybe I should of planned this better. A fucking fancy date or a… I don’t know, I’m not good at this.” 

“Katsuki…” Koge reached up and caressed his cheeks, pulling his crimson glare off the box to instead look at her. “I don’t need all those things. All I need is you… You know that. If there’s something you want to do or say to me, you don’t have to wait. If you want to wait, then that’s fine. I’d wait an eternity for you…” Leaning up, she kissed him with such a tender and loving passion that Bakugou was sure his heart was going to melt. How was she able to do this to him? How had she wormed her way beneath his skin, to set fire to his soul? Nothing had ever been as important as his goals to become top hero, and yet, there she was, teetering at the top. If she truly meant this much to him, then there was no reason why he shouldn’t give her the ring. 

When she pulled away, they sat in silence, foreheads pressed together in a tender moment that didn’t need words. Finding his strength, Bakugou reached up and took one of her hands gently, bringing it down a bit to place the small black box on her palm. With the return of the gift, Koge’s face flushed as she looked down at it, obviously contemplating if she should accept it or not. 

“It’s… It’s a promise ring?” 

“Yes.” 

Smile crossing her lips, Koge scooted closer to Bakugou, leaning her body against his as he put an arm around her back. Resting her head against his chest, she observed the little black box for just a moment longer before slowly opening it. The small gasp that escaped her lips instantly made Bakugou’s stomach clench, unable to see her face to gage her reaction. Tenderly, Koge removed the ring from the box, holding it up closer to see every detail. In truth, it was very simple, just a silver band with four embedded stones, alternating with two clear and two aquamarine which very closely matched the color of her eyes. With a sniffle, she checked to see if it had the typical engraving, which it did. 

“It’s so beautiful, Katsuki. I don’t think it’s too soon for this at all… I love it. But, uhm…” Koge turned her teary gaze to look up at him, the softness of her expression making his ears flush hot. “You’re supposed to wear it on your left ring finger. That doesn’t bother you?” 

“No, Utsuro. I’m sure that there will be fuckheads that ask if I proposed to you already or some shit, but they can just fuck off.” He took the ring from her, carefully slipping it onto the finger in question. Much to his relief, it fit perfectly. “Just… never forget what it stands for. No matter what.” 

“You mean, no matter how much of a brat you are?” She kissed his cheek sweetly, making his face flush as he grumbled in annoyance. “Or how much you pick on me.” 

“Exactly.” He gripped both cheeks with one hand, squishing them together to make Koge burst out in giggles. “Because you’re my stupid Utsuro. Now stop being so fucking cheesy. You want your last gift?” 

Forcing one last kiss from him, Koge scooted back over closer to the pile of gifts as Bakugou stood. “Yes! Gimme that big one. No not the bag, the big flat one.” Wide grin on her face, she took the present as it was handed towards her, though she fumbled it a bit when she wasn’t quite ready for the weight of it. “Oh geez, it’s a little heavy.” 

“If you break that I’m going to kill you, Utsuro.” Bakugou glowered up at her as he shut the drawer that the presents rested in, set on only giving her the three for now. Placing the gift on her lap, Koge carefully removed the wrapping, though the loud gasp that escaped her lips was surely powerful enough to wake every person in the dorms. 

“Holy shit, Katsuki, this is the laptop I wanted!! I can’t believe you got this for me!”

“It’s all you complain about, with your other computer in the shitter, so no fucking shit I got it for you just to make you shut up.” 

“It’s even the blue color I like! And you remembered all the specs, too. This one’s even better, though! You’re the best boyfriend in world.” 

“Just the world?” Bakugou came to stand in front of her, prompting Koge to put her gift aside and wrap her arms around his hips. She couldn’t resist smiling up at him, her chin resting on his stomach as he softly ran his fingers through her hair. 

“No, Katsuki. The entire universe. And you’re all mine. Merry Christmas, babe.” 

“Damn fucking right I am. Merry Christmas, Koge.” 

[tarithenurse]

In Defense of Asgard (3/11)

Starring: Loki x fem/Inhuman reader. Warnings: Maybe language

A/N: As usual, sorry about misspelling and grammar, though this is good training for my English :) Feedback appreciated!

...   Reader’s PoV   ...

It had been said as a joke, intended to lighten the mood in the sombre council chamber. Time and time again, [Y/N] had re-evaluated which of her old friends or teammates could be of use, favouring those with experience from space already. Of course, that left only the Guardians of the Galaxy, few of which would be in any fighting condition if the Asgardians or Xandarians managed to track them down before it was too late.

That’s when she’d made the mistake of being sassy, and now she’d been stuck on this cold mining-planet for four days, courtesy of Loki and the Warriors Three, who had set her off under the cover of a snow storm with the promise that they’ll be back in a week, or she can call for Heimdal. At least her husband hadn’t been worried. Having her on Contraxia meant that she was out of harms way of the impending invasion.

‘Might as well ask the Ravagers for help.’ The memory of her own words is echoing through her skull with a mocking tone, clearly audible over the din of the Iron Lotus, a brothel and bar on Contraxia.

She’d spent her time well, fitting in with the questionable types thanks to her disguise and skills. First thing she’d done was get a room, cheap and dirty (and relatively free of rats, which preferred to be closer to the kitchen), but on the very top floor at least. The second part had been easier, all it had required was to by a bottle of booze and mingle, observing anyone who came and went to learn of their affiliations, and whenever one might be connected to the Ravagers, she’d made sure to drop a few hints of a competitor to their business, building up a reputation as a bounty hunter looking for a new job.

Her appearance had helped cement the ruse. Black leather jacket over a ragged, but tight, blood-red top, followed by leather pants and a solid pair of boots that oozed practicality. Of course, no bounty hunter would be complete without an impressive arsenal, although hers mainly favoured blades…save for the one plasma-gun at her hip.

The first few days, she’d stuck to the bar or the shadowy corners with the scurrying vermin, until one day a brawl had made her take refuge in the rafters. There she could balance on the beams unnoticed, perching in the deep-set window over the entrance and gaining unrestricted view of the snow-covered square outside as well as the milling crowd in the joint below her. Sneeper Madame, the owner of the place, hadn’t been pleased to begin with, but on this planet, anything is possible if you have enough gold, and [Y/N] had made sure to buy a new bottle each day too.

Leaning against the cold stone behind her, [Y/N]’s drawing meaningless pattern on the foggy window. She has to try not to look at the empty ring finger, because it only makes her miss Loki more, but flashing something that unique would have been stupid…now it was hanging in a chain around her husband’s neck.

She’s only partially listening to the scratching music and the noise of drunkards below. It’s the usual crowd, consisting of one third miners (or diggers, as some call them), and a third are criminals of various severity. The last third are the love-bots, live whores and a random assortment of low lives trying to get by whichever way they can. At least no gold-skinned haters.

Last time [Y/N] and Loki had been here, the sovereign had run a sort of embassy from one of the backrooms, but Adam had ended that years ago. Too bad he hadn’t finished them all off. I shouldn’t applaud genocide…no matter who it is.

Raising the bottle to her lips, she freezes with the hand in mid-air when she catches the sight of movement out of the corner of the eye. A larger group is making their way across the square, but more importantly, people are moving out of the way for the newcomers. It’s clear who’s the leader of the pack, simply from how he’s carrying himself, despite the many scars and his age (you don’t get that old here, unless you have power). Dressed in black, military style clothing, the only oddity are the stripes of orange that raises over his shoulders as fins, glowing faintly in the perpetual gloom on this planet.

As the group enters, [Y/N] lazily takes another swig of the sweet liquor, feeling it’s burn before negating the effects. Below on the floor, the crowd parts before the man and his entourage, allowing them to saunter towards the bar, accompanied by the growing silence and tension. Keeping a grip on the bottle, [Y/N] shadows them, soundlessly prowling in the shadows up between the rafters. She’s smiling.

Every single alien (some humanoid, some…not) is wearing the flaming badge, most are third or fourth generation, but there are a few from second left. Eyeing the reflection of their leader in the grimy mirror behind the counter, she sees the only badge indicating first generation. A captain. It explains his age and self-confidence. Only the music is playing now, but as the man waves a hand lazily, that too cuts out. He’s tall, solidly build with a square jaw protruding much further than any orthodontist would have appreciated home on Earth. A few strands are still dark, otherwise both the short-cropped hair and eyebrows are light grey, making his small, sleepy eyes appear darker than they are.

Don’t be fooled, [Y/N] can imagine Natasha warning her, like during their many training sessions. This captain might appear dim, but he can’t be if he’s made it to the top of the most competitive crime-syndicate of the last 40 to 50 years.

As if on cue, he leans over the counter to pour himself a drink, calmly but loudly addressing the bartender. “A little birdy told me…” he drawls, “that ya got a pest-problem?”

Pushing one of the many rats in the place out of the way, they both know that’s not what the guest means. “Nuttin’ we can’t handle, Stakar.”

Bingo! The name rings more than just a small bell with [Y/N]. She’s heard about him from Quill before reading up as preparation for this mission. Hunching, the Midgardian studies the people below. She can assume they all are armed, and they have spread out nicely to make room for swinging their weapons.

A subtle nod makes her refocus on the bartender and the face of the Ravager leader reflected in the mirror, a sly smile playing on the lips of the latter before he empties the glass in one go. She’s been made, but that’s okay.

“Sneakin’ up on me normally results ‘n people dyin’.” He’s calmly refilling the glass.

Stopping her bottle with a thumb, she tips elegantly into empty air, flipping around by holding on to the raw edge of the beam so she lands on her feet. The only sound is the softest thud from the heavy boots, and she can’t help but smirk with pride as she straightens up.

“Relax,” an impressive arsenal is pointing at her, so she makes sure to keep the hands away from her own weapons, taking another swig of the burning alcohol, “if I wanted you dead, you’d be dead already.” A soundless scoff is the only answer she gets. “I’m glad you got my message.”

As opposed to the normal grunts in the lower ranks of the space mafia, the leaders know that information is more valuable than a quick show of power by killing someone. Stakar Ogord needs to know more about her before eliminating the potential competition. That’s pretty much the only thing that’s keeping his men from shooting. Glancing around, [Y/N] comes to the conclusion that the term ‘men’ is a generous categorization of some of them. Stakar has finally turned to face her, and she lifts her bottle as a form of salute before downing a quarter of it. Bemused, he returns the gesture, draining his own glass. All around them, the regulars slowly return to their own affairs, clearly bummed at the lack of a show down ending in the death of someone.

Indicating for her to come closer, Stakar’s hoarse voice drops to a normal frequency. “Can’t say there’s been much of a message.”

“You knew someone was asking around about your…associates.” She doesn’t bother staying out of his range, preferring to plant herself on one of the bar stools. “I’m just lucky it was you, that came to investigate.”

“How’d ya figure that?”

Giving him a once over, she figures he’ll need more persuading before believing anything she wants him to hear. “Long story. Let’s just say we have common…acquaintances.”

The Ravager captain glares at her, unsure what to think of her comment while another rat scurries over the bar counter, and it gives her an idea. Quick as a cat, she plucks the rodent up by its tail, calming it down by altering the flow of hormones that would have send it into a state of fight or flight. It settles down in her palm, where it sniffs around before beginning to groom itself.

“I’d much rather we spoke somewhere more…quiet, but I guess you’ve got no reason to trust me.” She’s studying the critter.

“Why should I?” Stakar isn’t showing any emotions. This is fun. “I dunno nothin’, ‘cept ya wantin’ a pay soon.”

Finally locking her eyes with him, [Y/N] makes sure to keep her voice quiet as she drains the poor creature of its life. “I wager you’ve heard of me.”

Tenderly placing the small corpse next to his glass, she turns and walks away leisurely. She’s halfway up the first flight of stairs, when the man gets into gear, signaling for the next two in command to follow him as he hurries after her. Probably something he doesn’t do often.

Not a word is spoken until they are inside the crammed room, one backup outside the door, the other (a Pluvian and first officer) hovering next to [Y/N] where she’s sitting on the bed. As a kind host, she’s offered Stakar the only chair, rickety as it may be.

“Alright. I’ve heard of…someone like ya.” He’s on edge, and she can’t blame him. “What’ya want?”

“Just a friendly chat.” She might be smiling, but it’s a cold smile. The kind that makes the guy next to her grab the weapon a bit tighter. “You see. I remember the allies just as well as the enemies. Thanos on one side with his mix of elves, Sakaarians, Chitauri, Outriders and random scum. We knew the Sovereign wanted to join him, but something kept them back.” Her eyes are violet, but she doesn’t bother hiding it. “If the Titan had won, then the universe would have been fucked to say the least…that would’ve affected you.” Fighting to keep the voice calm, she doesn’t flinch by the mechanical click next to her. “So where…were…you?”

Stakar’s trying to look in control. “The Ravagers aren’t an army.”

“Neither were we. Neither were Quill and his team.” Letting out a small huff, [Y/N] leans back against the wall and takes a swig of the bottle she still has been carrying with her. “I remember him and Kraglin Obfonteri telling tall tales of Yondu Udonta and the other clan leaders. Claiming they’d be on the right side.” As tempting as it is to take out the nervously shaking second in command (his crystalline body reflecting the light from the bare LED hanging from the ceiling), it won’t do her any good. “So where were you?”

The Pluvian is finally catching up on things, his confusion pushing any nerves aside momentarily. “Now eh, wait…hoooold on a minute! Yo’re talking just like eh as if yo were there…” He’s staring unabashed at her body. A body too young to fit anyone from the stories of the Mad Titan’s defeat. “Yo’re too eh young for that!”

“I’m about [Y/A+20], counting by Terran years.”

“Hellbullshit!”

[Y/N]’s unsure of the existence of any such bovine, but it doesn’t matter, and she resorts to challenging the claim with nothing but a deadpan stare.

“That could only be if ya’re…her.” The commander’s words make the man with the rattling weapon step ever so slightly away from [Y/N]. “The…healer.”

He was thinking of another label. “A simple test could prove my claim.”

It’s a silent staring contest between the two parties, overlooked by an increasingly jittery first officer.

“Martinex. Roll up your sleeve and hold out the arm for her.” Stakar has known his second in command since at least one of them was young, and he expects nothing but the full compliance. “And don’t fight her.”

Clearly unhappy, the Pluvian first mate follows the order, baring what would have been soft skin on the lower arm for the woman. Will a knife penetrate the crystals? Flipping out a slim dagger from the sheath hidden on her own arm by the jacket, she studies the surface before admitting with a shrug that she’s unsure if it would be effective. Stakar promises to Martinex’s consternation, that it will.

Fine. With a flip and a jab, [Y/N] buries the blade deep in the silicon crystal, before withdrawing it, releasing a fine flow of quicksilvery blood. A hand and a bit of concentration is all it takes before the smudges of liquid is the only evidence.

“Let’s talk.” Stakar Ogord knows when to listen.

[justlanroyref-blog]

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[shawnjacksonsbs]

I swear, I literally ask myself WWFRD?, then I try to do it, with as much of my life as possible.  3-31-19

I suppose since it is Sunday morning and I need to write something, that I'm going to try and type it into my messenger just to get it out there. Actually slept in later than normal, as it's well after 11 am here. Spent last night, actually the last few nights, in our new place. We have utilities on at both places, but no Wi-Fi here, and the laptop is still at the apartment. Been stretching myself the thinnest I think I've been in over years here lately, but all for a greater good, and with an end goal in sight. The "thinning" process still taking it's toll on me though.  And when I say thin, I mean mentally, maybe a little emotionally too, not so much I can't handle it, but only because I can see the light at the other end. Physically not thinning so much. Lol no lol Not eating right and spending 10 to 14 hours a day driving around delivering food is not helping my weight, like at all, but that is just about over. Should hopefully be fencing inside the next week or two. Waiting on a call back right now. I suppose my message through it all, is that I'm still fighting for my place here, and I know I'm still winning. I can feel it, but winning doesn't come easy, like ever, not for anything worth fighting for anyway. Being stretched so far, and still dealing with the "antics" of a couple of my adult children, can sometimes have me feeling like I'm on the edge of breaking down, and yet here I am, still, and always. I'm still moving forward, and I don't have to carry that burden and worry with me into each day. That's why I get to come in here every Sunday and talk about how I'm living my best life, and that I'd be hard pressed to find more in my life to be grateful for than I already have. And all, while knowing in my heart that it's still #truth! Umm, so. . . I have been clean 5 1/2 years now, actually back on March 18th/19th, I have also had thoughts, that varied, about dope more times in the last three months than I have in the last 3 years probably. It's hard to drive anywhere, and I mean anywhere in the northwestern part of this state that doesn't have some kind of memory or "trigger" thought attached to it. That'll continue to be a part of fighting for my place here. For a while too, I imagine. I also haven't had a cigarette in over 6 months now, and have thought about it more this last couple of weeks than the rest of my time back home. I've been off the Chantix about 2 weeks now I guess. It's nice to know that I'm still ahead of these things, but it's also humbling to be forcibly reminded that they are still out there, lurking, and waiting to pounce on me should things go south in my mind. I am still enormously blessed by the Universe that we all share, and daily too. The day will probably never come when I'll feel deserving of everything, and everyone, I have in my life. The startup and settling in time that comes with a move like mine, is slowly coming to its end. Soon we will be settled, living, keeping routine and structure-(ish) lol. I'm looking forward to that like you would not believe. Going out to the country later today to spend the night, and some time with my momma. Very soon, part of that routine will be spending one day a month out there, with as many of my kids and grandkids as possible. I would like to see us all sitting around a table eating every Sunday, the way I remember Sundays at my grandma and grandpa's old farmhouse. Members of the family in attendance, I imagine will be hit and miss, but plans will be made, and we can start enjoying our time together, instead of taking it for granted, like we so god damned always seem to do. I, Shawn Jackson, am currently living in a trailer (a super nice one), in a trailer park (a very nice one), on the edge of Kansas City, bum fucked Midwest, with little to no money on my person, currently as a food delivery person, with plenty of struggles and I AM ABSOLUTELY LIVING MY BEST LIFE. Not much I'd change for real, except maybe my older boys' priorities. Everything is actually coming together faster, and smoother than I thought it was going too. Every day in my life, and in my head is far from a cakewalk though, but living in gratitude superimposes "goodness" all over everything I see, and everything I need. Still working on the "wants".  Some of the "wants" need a little more energy than I have to spare currently. lol I suppose I'll go for now. I hope you all have a great week, and keep sharing the love and the laughter with the world around you and please, please be civil on your journey toward kindness. It is, by far, the most important human trait that we can have in common. Until next week, it's quotes like this that help me keep on keepin' on; "I look to your ass for positivity some days, Shawn Jackson." - Jenn Wohletz

[meditationadvise]

I Thought I`d Never Get Pregnant Until I Tried This

Tara Stiles is a worldwide renowned yogi, the founder of Strala Yoga exercise, and a very successful writer. In her new class Prenatal Yoga: The Complete Guide, she supplies safe as well as efficient yoga regimens that will certainly bring you energy, restriction morning illness, therefore much more.

Thank you for all the positivity and also enjoyment as well as pleasant words for our child girl on the means. We're delighted as well as pumped up, when I'm awake, that is. Growing people certain takes the mojo right from you. Yet hey, that's OK.

So, I desired to share a little my lessons found out up previously, as well as I enjoy to share my errors as well as trip-ups, so possibly you can save yourself some stress and anxiety and time no issue what you're going through in your life.

We had actually been aiming to make a baby, first rather casually and after that a bit much more 'trying' for a while. Three years ago I 'made a decision' it was time. I went off the tablet, had Mike meet me in Paris for the weekend while I got on the means residence from a Moscow event, and also decided we would obtain pregnant. All set to relocate into the household stage of our lives. Easy right? Ha!

Turned out, my intense idea shockingly worked. It was our very first time 'trying,' and also I declared promptly I was pregnant. I acted as if I recognized for certain, as well as a couple of weeks later on, took an examination and it transformed out I was! And afterwards something horrible occurred. Mike and I were shooting some video clips with each other on an all-day production, and also I started to really feel insane weary. I sat on the couch throughout breaks as well as went to sleep resting up. I understood something had not been right, and throughout one section of filming an unabridged course, I rolled up for the closing breaths and really felt the bleeding. I went to the bathroom and also there was full-on blood, not detecting but blood. We had actually filming delegated do, and I had not informed anybody I was pregnant besides Mike, of training course. We finished the few hrs of recording, gracefully eluded out of the celebratory dinner, and also went house.

The Googling started. I dove deep into message boards, blog sites, and also anything I might locate on blood loss in the very first trimester. Nothing looked that encouraging. Whatever I discovered that offered me a little hope, I knew was comprehending. My inquiries weren't going to be resolved by Google this moment. I made a consultation with my physician, and also she verified the losing the unborn baby. I had a huge migraine a couple of days after but kept up my life customarily. I held a buddy's brand-new child eventually while I was still bleeding a heap. It was hard. I really felt alone and didn't share. I didn't want the limelight on me with this negative information when there was a lot else to do, from celebrating good friends' infants, to leading courses as well as trainings and getting ready for upcoming traveling. I just wanted my body to really feel better so we might get on with it, try once more, as well as make it happen.

So, we type of quit attempting and after that fought, and afterwards dealt with a lot, and afterwards stopped discussing it, then never truly dealt with it. Our partnership obtained so poor, we divided, and I assumed it was over. We said just regarding exterior circumstances and also really did not reach any type of root.

After practically a year, we repaired slowly, after that suddenly obtained back our original trigger. We began enjoying with each other, like when we had actually very first satisfied and had a lot more spare time. We started having a lot more fun since we had all this background now and everything we have actually developed along with the Strala community. Enjoyable ended up being present in everything and the top priority for our partnership. We really did not need to deal with it because it was simple once more. Certainly, like any pair, aggravations are there once in a while, but currently they are funny and also short lived due to the fact that the freedom and also pleasure is back and also strong.

So, we started trying once more. Casually in the beginning, and after that a bit more targeted. I obtained an application that informs you when to go all out. My life was active as well as busy, yet I felt penalty. I felt stimulated, and I would admit there was stress and anxiety, but absolutely nothing I could not 'handle.' And then after months of going regarding my common continuous continuously timetable, getting at ideal 6 hrs a sleep each night, it occurred to me that we both had to make some area-- not simply for a pregnancy but also for our new life, with a real person in it. The change should not happen after I'm pregnant or the minute the baby gets here. The adjustment had to take place now.

So I did something radical. I developed room. Not in the means I was utilized to, which was developing space so I could accomplish more. This time around I was developing room so I could exist because area and also just be.

Create space to be.

Big inhale.

Long exhale.

And just be.

It scared the black out of me to study this new idea, yet it really felt so required to accomplish just what I actually wanted. Much more holistically, it really felt necessary to achieve the degree of peace I yearned for, past any kind of goal of a household. This brand-new way of developing room to be would become the key that took me to amazing places, beyond anywhere I had been thus far.

So, I reduced my routine. I imply I truly lowered it. I started abandoning my phone at the office every evening. I started doing much less. I enjoyed regular shiatsu treatments from our buddy Sam Berlind. He worked years of things out of my shoulders, hips, and back. I started preparing more, not simply for video clips or social media pictures but also for nutrients and enjoyment. I began taking note of just how I really felt. I began reducing activities in my life that didn't bring me delight. I changed my regional organisation totally and also created space for our bigger picture. I dissatisfied individuals and left some completely pissed off. I had to alter as well as it was up to me, only me, to pull the trigger.

So lots of people asked me for many years concerning when we were going to have children. I recognize I'm not alone in feeling disgusting as well as somewhat attacked by these most personal questions, from people who don't understand you so well, along with the deal of infant recommendations flowing extra openly than coffee in the regional neighborhood stores. These questions went to very first aggravating, after that upsetting, after that I finally took my power back. When somebody who I do not know really well would certainly ask me about my fertility, I would certainly ask something equally invasive that was none of my service. How's the connection with your mother? Finances back in order? It normally functioned. It had not been just dodging concerns that got my power back. I really did not require to conceal anymore. I got on my own right track.

After the slashing, the recovering my power, I was left with this space. Nothing was really taking place, however I had area, as well as it began to really feel great. Keep in mind when you were a youngster and you (hopefully) had this substantial feeling of room, time, and creativity daily? I was beginning to get that back. This new space became my most crucial goal. Space to be. I might shut my eyes as well as see every little thing streaming from below.

So we started attempting again with the app. After that I was obtaining frustrated at the app, as well as my partnership to checking it and checking out all its suggestions way too often, so I erased it. We had actually just enjoyed a Matt Damon movie, The Martian, and I love the line regarding exactly how he found out the best ways to expand potatoes on Mars. He claimed, 'I scientific research 'd the shit out of it!' The modern-day globe has great deals of choices in order to help points along with making a child, and our initial stop was the pharmacy. We got an ovulation test that informs you 'for actual' without the uncertainty of an app when is go time. Gauging around that time came to be gratifying and also really felt aggressive. You obtain a straight-up face that says, yes your body is functioning. You have a surge in all the satisfied hormones now. And if you intend to try to make a baby this month, go time is NOW!

After a few smiley-face months, I was a couple of days late but not curious about taking an examination and obtaining bummed out, so we waited. Each month I would certainly think I had some 'signs,' which is quite amusing because a lot of the signs of pregnancy are likewise signs and symptoms of PMS, each taking place in that very same time home window. I stopped attempting to persuade myself that I was peeing a whole lot, had sore boobs and shortness of breath, and just obtained on with my life as typical. We were preparing yourself to leave for Europe, Asia, as well as Australia for a month of Strala trainings and other events, as well as I figured I need to take a test in instance we should establish a doctor go to for when we're back. It would certainly be eight or 9 weeks by that factor, and also my present OB didn't do all the baby things. I took a test, and immediately it transformed pregnant. I still think that indicates I was 'actually pregnant' as well as not simply a little! We raised and down and also scrambled to find a physician that was taking brand-new people. Not an easy point to find in New York City, by the method. After dozens of calls, we finally had an appointment for when we were back, and I could complete packing as well as head to the airport. Eeek! Preparation went out the window on that one.

So this solid little girl made it through an insane trip to Europe, Asia, as well as Australia, full of 20 trips, numerous trainings, workshops, occasions, retreats, finalizings, as well as a great deal of morning/all-day-long illness.

So that's my tale as well as lessons found out. And this is simply the beginning.

You can produce room to achieve much more, which is wonderful and also great yet not sustainable.

Or you can develop room to be.

I hope you select the second, so you could enjoy your personal creative thinking and see where that takes you. Probably to release some rather fantastic stuff.