#the map is funny too like. i see u bloggers

[violenceenthusiast]

[aedroths]

inspired by @indoril-nerevar-mora post about positivity, here's a 5 by 5 positivity tag!!

talk about 5 things about tes that you love and then about 5 of your favorite tes blogs!!

tes, in general, is a great franchise, and honestly talking to another person irl that loves it always makes me so happy and glad to have a friend to talk about it with!!! and i admit I've had my problems with this in the past, but instead of approaching everyone with anger and hatred that disagree with us on the nuances, we should be glad to have an ENTIRE community to share our oc stories, our ideas, theories and things that just make us happy about tes. obviously this doesn't go the same for vigilantly hateful people like nazis, racists, homophobes, transphobes, MAPs... basically anyone that enters this fandom to attack people bc of their identity or have a harmful intent. there is no debate about basic decency, and if you're someone negatively affects the community, shame on you!!! no one should have to tell you to be decent and kind

anyway, we as a community need to be more positive and loving. most of us use tes and tumblr as an escape (not therapy 👀) from reality - from personal home issues, from politics, from heartbreaking stories on the news. we need to be more supportive, more understanding and more kind. why escape from the harshness of life only to log onto to see dreadful disk horse and people attacking another over opinions?

ANYWAY getting to the point (i know i ramble lmao) here's five things about tes that i love:

the soundtrack. admittedly, I've only played oblivion and skyrim but their scores are so relaxing. double that with the scenery, and it's no wonder people spend HOURS on this game. it's soothing and helps a ton w anxiety (and insomnia - even my 2 month old seems to sleep better with it playing in the background).

characters and their backstories. mine, specifically are sapphire, serana, miraak, nazir, sanguine, sheo, malacath, azura, mara, and brynjolf. it would be an essay on why i love each SO

the lore. it's complex, frustrating, but so fun to read about during feeding my son (hint: breastfeeding is exhausting lol). with the exception of nearly everything written by kirkbride (and several other racist/sexist aspects...), i appreciate the thought that goes into expanding tamriel.

the fact that with nearly EVERY game, there is so much exploring to do. under every rock is something new, and you find so many breathtaking destinations unmarked. like i said, it's no wonder people spend hours on the game.

the armor, weapons, etc. it feels immersive that you really can become a badass warrior, or shadowy thief, or intelligent mage (but it really seems like by dialogue in skyrim, they have a specific build in the writing :/) it also gives you the ability to create a multitude of ocs, with a range of stories, skills, personalities,,, even to ship with favorite characters. the open world really feels immersive idk

so to also spread the positivity within the community, here's my top five favorite tes bloggers (PLEASE don't take it personally if you're not on the list!!! all of you are creative, beautiful people!!)

@airiat her ocs are adorable, her writing is beautiful and she's genuinely a great person w such a positive energy (im getting SUCH a lavender vibe from u luv). we're both into astrology and tarot, and she has an amazing talent reading BOTH. like her analysis of astrology is so accurate and reliable. she is so easy to talk to and and just SO friendly and kind. and i absolutely ADORE her ship of her oc fjoara and teldryn 😍😍 honestly anyone would be doing themselves a favor by following this angel 🕊❤

@partyatsanguines she raised to popularity seemingly quick in this fandom and she absolutely deserves it!! the thought she puts in her memes, shitposts and her amazing ocs is amazing! her jokes are hilarious and definitely have made me laugh when i was having a SHITTY day. she has such a no-nonsense attitude and I'm getting a velvet red vibe from her. she's so smart (seriously i don't understand anything with math and yet here she is!!! fucking majoring in it i am just WOW) and you can see it in her jokes too. honestly i used to envy her jokes!! like i would wish i was witty enough to come up with HALF that she does. you deserve every follower and kind message queen!! ❤

@doomedteaparty i think she was actually one of the first people who posted about tes. she's incredibly creative, artistic and just really an amazing person. i love her ocs, and the ships she has with her ocs, her screenshots are always amazing. she's insightful and knowledgeable, and hearing her opinions honestly seems to give me a spare brain cell. she has such an ocean blue vibe 🌊 babe you're doing SO great don't forget that!!! 💕💕💕

@trinimac i haven't been following her for too long, but I've seen her posts about malacath (she's definitely the reason why i love him now!!!) she seems to have such an astounding knowledge on lore, and really just funny as fuck. her posts always slap frfr. im getting a sunset orange vibe?! i don't know much else but honestly keep doing you, you have such an amazing mind ❤❤

and of course @indoril-nerevar-mora !! honestly hes an absolute angel, and a strong person!!!! with everything he's been through, he's an inspiration 💖💖. && him and his boyf are honestly SO adorable and relationship goals as fuck 💕💕 i love his ocs, their stories and honestly just how badass he made them!!! and his screenshots are just 💯💯 has on point opinions and has great insights. DEFINITELY picking up a pearl vibe 🥰

whether you're tagged or not, everyone should post their top five by fives, and spread a much needed positivity (and if you don't, no pressure!!) tag as #tesblrpositivity bc i def want to see why everyone loves tes and tesblr!!! 💕💕💕

[ecotone99]

The Girl And The Mule : A Fable [MF]

(I mostly write NSFW stuff but occasionally I like to write family friend stuff like this attempt at a fable.)

THE GIRL AND THE MULE

Once upon a time, not so long ago, in a town much like yours, on a street you would be familiar with, there was a girl.

This girl sat in the doorway of an old dilapidated shop. Very little of the worn facades revealed its once popular past. The name of the original proprietor faded and obscured by graffiti.

There was nothing remarkable about this girl, indeed hardly anyone knew she was there. The girl just sat in the dimness of the doorway with her knees pulled up to her face, head bowed.

No one knew if she had been there a day, a week, a month or even a year. In fact no one ever thought to ask her but then again no one thought to actually speak to her. They just simply went about their day without giving this girl a moment of thought.

Then one day, a day much like the one you are having now, something curious happened.

The girl was no longer alone in that dingy, dank doorway. She now had company, for laying next to her was a mule.

Now the people of the town immediately noticed that there was a mule laying in the doorway of a shop. It is, after all, an unusual sight.

"Where has that mule come from?" someone asked.

"It must have escaped from the local farm." suggested another.

The local farmer was called who declared that his mule was still very much at his farm. Such news panicked the town folk.

"It's a wild mule!"

"It may kick us!"

"It'll bite the children!"

Concerned for their safety and the havoc such a wild beast may cause a call went out to all manner of emergency services to remove this ferocious animal from their town.

Yet no one seemed too concerned for the girl whom the mule lay next to. Soon, nearly all the town were surrounding this doorway.

"A wild mule! In our town? We must get rid of it"

The local fireman and vet were called upon to remove this creature from their town. The crowd were silent as they approached.

The mule did not run away as they approached. Nor did he try to kick them or bite them. Instead, he did something rather strange.

He danced.

It was such an odd thing to see a mule dance that at first the townfolk thought their eyes were deceiving them.

"Is that mule dancing?" they asked in unison.

The mule had slowly lifted himself up on to his legs and proceeded to perform a merry jig.

On seeing this the crowd forgot their previous fear that he may have a disease or might bite or kick them.

"Oh! How unusual to see a dancing mule" they cheered and applauded along with the merry steps of the mule.

When the mule had finished he gave a bow much to the warm hilarity of the crowd.

"Have you ever seen something so magical?" the crowd exclaimed.

It was settled. The town would not be removing this mule. How could anyone exile such a creature of talent?

The mule slowly returned to the doorway and curled up next to the girl, who had not moved at all throughout the performance.

"Such a majestic thing cannot stay there" someone said

"You're right" agreed another "He can stay with me!"

"I have a large stable he can stay in" a voice was heard to say.

But the mule would not be moved. No amount of coaxing budged him from his spot next to the girl.

Reluctantly, the town folk let him remain in that wet, uncomfortable doorway.

By morning the crowd had gathered again and the mule was happy to perform another jovial dance. Then, as before, he would return to the doorway.

This continued day after day and the people of the town grew fond of the mule. At night, many would bring it food, water and blankets commenting as they did as to why someone would chose to sleep in such an awful place.

Before long news of this dancing mule spread to the neighbouring towns and many people came far and wide to see this amazing beast perform.

The mule did not disappoint the eager onlookers and performed dances and tricks much to the delight of the ever growing number of people who came to watch.

All eyes firmly on this funny dancing mule but never on the girl who sat still, head bowed as the crowd clapped and cheered along to the creature's antics.

Then as suddenly as he had appeared the mule was gone. It happened on a fine spring morning and the crowd,as in previous days, had arrived eager for their daily show. Yet there was no mule in the doorway, just the girl.

The crowd, of course, did not see the girl. They were too concerned with the absence of the mule to notice anything else.

"Where has he gone?" they asked

"Maybe he will be back soon" suggested someone, hopefully.

Day after day the people of the town returned to doorway in the hope that the mule would be there. However like the day before and the day before that the only person who occupied the doorway was the girl.

Before long, the people had given up hope of ever seeing the mule again. With a heavy heart they went about their normal daily life.

Occasionally they would stop as they walked past the doorway, their eyes never on the girl but at the space where the mule used to sleep.

One day, a Mother was walking down the street with her young son. Stopping at the doorway the mother sighed in remembrance of how fun the mule was and how she missed him. She allowed herself a moment to wish he was safe and well.

She went to move off but her son did not follow. She tugged on his arm but he remained rooted to the spot, his eyes fixed on the doorway.

"The mule isn't coming today. Let's go" the Mother said impatiently.

Looking up at his Mother the boy asked "Do you think the mule belonged to the girl and she is missing him?"

Puzzled the Mother replied "What girl?

The boy stretched out his arm and pointed to the girl who sat in the doorway, her knees raised, head bowed.

The Mother followed her son's finger and gasped with amazement as she saw the girl. She'd never noticed a girl in the doorway before. Where had she come from?

Walking over to the girl, the Mother bent down and asked "Have you just got here? Are you waiting for the mule?"

The girl slowly lifted her head, her skin a map of the extremities she had endured, her eyes swollen and red, her lips dry and cracked.

"Oh My!" exclaimed the Mother.

The Mother's actions had alerted the other townsfolk who had thought the mule had returned.

They rushed over to the doorway to see the Mother knelt next to the girl.

"Who is she?" someone asked

"Careful she might bite" said another.

"She looks dirty"

"Well she can't stay here. This is where the mule sleeps. What if he comes back?" warned someone else.

As the crowd argued as to who should remove the girl from the doorway no one noticed her leave. As she rose from the spot she had occupied for so long she was as invisible as she had always been.

Indeed, it took a while before anyone noticed that the doorway was now empty. Yet the townfolk could vividly remember the mule being there but never the girl.

It is a number of miles to the next town. A long road the only route between the two.

Those travelling between the neighbouring towns often reported seeing the mule walking along the dusty track but they never saw the girl who walked beside him.

submitted by /u/OfSelina [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/3cDgIjb

[goodnightsms7]

Top #50 Good Night Messages, Wishes, Quotes for Friends (Best Friends)

Friendship is necessary for a quality life. It is a beautiful relation. Friendship is a relation of mutual trust, understanding, and caring. Friends are a wonderful blessing and the greatest gift to our lives. We all need friends. We cannot expect our lives without friends. They are the family we choose for ourselves. Friends are the people who understand and care for each other, stay forever beyond words, distance and time. They make you laugh louder and smile even a little brighter. They are the only people worthy to be in your life, and help you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard time pass. Sending them messages makes them remind of you. It creates a natural bond with them. It keeps you in touch with your friends even when you cannot be with them. It makes them feel even more special. We have brought the cute collection of Good night friends messages to wish goodnight to your lovely best friends. The list has some sweet messages to send to your loved and dearest friends to make them realise they are special.

Good Night Messages Collection:➥ Good night messages for girlfriend ➥ Good night love SMS  -sexy romantic SMS ➥ Good Night Messages For Mother ➥ Good Night Messages For *Aunt & Uncle* - Wishes, Quotes VISIT MORE ❤ ➥ Good Night Messages For Sweet Husband: Quotes & Wishes ➥ 50+ *Good Night Message* - Wishes And Quotes ➥ Sexy Good Night Messages For Her: Quotes For Her ➥ #50 Sweet Good Night Messages For Wife: Romantic Night Quotes For Wife

Here wishing a sweet Good night msg to the dearest person of my life. I feel so much blessed always to have u by my side. I thank God for this. I look forward to our amazing future together and forever. Good night my friend.

A friend is someone who believes in u when you don’t believe yourself. Good night, dear friend!

As I look at many stars in the sky, I always reminded of all those reasons I consider you my best friend! Here’s a sweet good night message to my friend.

Being your frnd is one of the wonderful feeling of my life. You are always there in my thoughts. Wishing you a great night. Sleep tight.

I have a heart and that is true. But now it has gone from me to you. So care for it just like I do, because I have no heart and you have two. Good night friend and sweet dreams.good night sms for best friend

Close ur eyes, Concentrate your mind & Pray to God about the things That u want most. GOD must fulfill your prayer… Have a nice sleep…

Love Status: VISIT MORE ❤ Love Attitude Status For Girl & Boy Love Shayari Best Whatsapp Status

Hug ur teddy bear and think happy thoughts. Good night.

Dreams visit us when we are asleep… But God is truly wise…He wakes up every day nd gives us chance to make our dreams come true.

Now it’s time to go to sleep Urs eyes are weak n mouth cannot speak Hope this nite will be nice and sweet.

U r my special someone, someone that I can’t live without. Through the distance, I want you to hear me as I shout. Good night and swt dreams.

God’s guidance is like a small lamp in a dark forest which doesn’t show everything at once, but gives enough light for next step to be safe. Gud night friends.

Nite is not only for sleep, It’s to Forget today’s Sorrow, To dream today’s Joy & to receive Tomorrow’s Happenings. “Happy End of the day” GOOD NIGHT.

As you fall asleep, I want u to remember what a gud person you are. Remember that I admire you and care for u. Goodnight.

Good Morning Messages Collection: VISIT MORE ❤ ➥ * 70+ Good Morning Love Messages For Wife*: Morning Wishes And Quotes For Wife ➥ Sexy *Good Morning Messages* For Girlfriend ➥ Good Morning Messages For Friends

Dear special frnd, you are one of those people who make my life better just by being in it. Good night!

Time comes and goes as it pleases, but for you and me, it brings us closer. Goodnight my frnd.

Funny Good Night Messages for Friends: Friendship is nothing without craziness and madness. These are the beautiful memories worth shared for. Whenever you crack something funny to your friends, you make them laugh. Friendship is getting silly over things and much more. Friendship and madness go hand in hand. Life becomes much easy when you get friends who are always there to stand with you in every circumstance. We should not make our friends sad because of anything. Smile and make them smile too. We should not do anything wrong to them. We should always try to make them laugh even harder. In night, everyone got exhaust and tired because of daily work and stress. By sending these good night messages in English to a friend can make his mood fresh and happy. We are presenting a collection of messages to send night msgs to friends. These are good night SMS for friends in English as night is the right time to wish your loved ones with sweet dreams and a great tomorrow. Make it a daily habit to send good night wishes to everyone. Here is a list showing good night messages for your best friends which you can send to your amazing friends. These good night wishes for a best friend and gn msgs will make him feel that he is not forgotten even at the end of the day.

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Now is the time to send good night text to a friend. Time to sleep, take rest, switch off the light, lock your eyes. Sweet dreams and good night.

A bed for u to sleep, Angles from heaven singing lullabies for u, May u sleep peacefully and carefree. Good night all friends.

Moon is happy and Sun is upset, do you know why? I tell you, it is because the sun is missing you, and the moon is going to be with u in the night. Good night sweet friend.

If time does not wait for u, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life. Good night my sweet friend.

A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a frnd like U making my everyday seems so great. Good Nite.good night quotes for friends

One two three. Set free from worry. See moonlight n the galaxy. Have dreams very lovely. Good night my sweet frnd.

Sun wouldn’t be red, Sea wouldn’t be blue. I wouldn’t be happy. Without disturbing you! Gud night to all my friends.

God luvs u. You can fall asleep knowing that peace and truth is in your heart. Good Nite.

The Most Sweetest Relation in World Is pillow. Bcoz when u r tired u relax On It. When u r sad u drop tears on it. When u r angry u punch it. And, when u r happy u Hug it. Now that Pillow is waiting 4 u so go to Bed. Good Nite friends.

I love to watch cartoons and that’s why you are my best friend. ;p Good Night cartoon.

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At this moment, 3.7 Millions are sleeping, 2.3 Millions are falling in Love, 4.1 Million are eating & Only my cute frnd in the whole world is reading my SMS.

MOON has come to colour your dreams, STARS to make them musical and My SMS to give you warm and peaceful sleep..!! Sleep well and good night.

I promise to be the warrior who fights all your nightmares and the messenger who brings all your sweet dreams.

Music is love, love is music, music is life, and I love my life. Thank you and have a good night.

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Daylight has ended, the moon is awake. God’s blessings to u, for goodness sake! Gud nite my frnds.

So, these were some good night SMS in English for best friends which you can send to your lovely friends to keep your friendship growing happily. Such good night SMS for a best friend will truly strengthen your existing friendship to heights.

Good Night Wishes for Friends: By sending good night greetings, you show a kind of affection and love towards that person. One can maintain a healthy friendship by regularly sending good night text messages to your dear and closed ones. Here, we are listing sweet, good night message for a friend. You can send these messages to make yourself remember to them.

Stars light stars bright, you are the only star I see tonight, I wish I might be there guarding your dreams tonight.

Let me wish my good frnd, gud nite sleep and beautiful dreams as the night calls me to sleep. Gud night my lovely frnd.

When I say good night to special frnds like u, it is an one wish which means Good Nite, Swt Drms, I Miss You and See You Soon.

“Being ur frnd is my gift, Missing you is my bad luck, Disturbing you with SMS is my way of thinking you, But keeping our frndship is my aim. Gud nite.

I may lose something today I may get anything else tomorrow. But, I can never lose and ever get one thing and thats ‘YOU’ So, be my friend forever! Good Night. good night friend

Ur dream determines Ur goals, Ur goals map out Ur actions, Ur actions create results, And the results bring u success.! Good Nite my Frnd.

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If you have had a bad day today, I hope that this nite signifies the end of all your troubles and the beginning to a wonderful day tomorrow. Good night.

Boyfriends and girlfriends will cum and go, but r friendship will forever glow. Good night.

Night is Silent, Night is Beautiful, Night is Calm, Night is Quiet. But Night is not complete Without Wishing my frnd Good night. Sweet dreams!

I was looking out the windows.Thinking about the person I care most & Guess who came into my mind – U. So, just want to wish u gud nite.

Good Night Quotes for Friends: These are simple but good night best friends quotes to send to your dear friends. Pick any of these and make their night sweet.

Never lose hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Gud nite.

Wishing Gud night is not a formality. It’s the art of Saying that I remember you in “My last minute of the Day ”.Gud Night.

You can’t change everything in one night, but one night can change everything.

Gud friends don’t necessarily make life perfect, but they sure make all the imperfection easier.

End the day with beautiful thoughts, then u will wake up with the most wonderful smile. Good night.good night messages for friends

I want to come early because I can spend time with my frnds my buddies without any, so good nite my dear frnds.

Night is to see the drms and day is to make them true. So it is gud to sleep now and see the drms. Gud night, sweet dreams!

Gud frnds don’t necessarily make lyf perfect, but they sure make all the imperfection easier to tolerate. Gud nite.

Hope, luv and faith – these are the three treasures that I want you to carry as you journey into a sweet sleep. Good night.

This is the end of the day, but soon there will be a new day. Keep your spirits up becoz there are always gud chances. Good nite.

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So, we have presented the best collection of good night my friend quotes to make your friends happier and the bond stronger. You can use these night messages to send your friends and even loved ones to wish them a beautiful and relaxing night.

[makelemonadewithlupus]




Mike & I on vacation with his family in Rhode Island.

Hi! I wanted to pop in and provide a few updates as I've not done so for some time, and there are —excitingly enough—things on which to update.

I have been on a new regimen for over a month now, and it seems to be *doing something* (cue ALL of the emojis). When I look back at my daily symptom chart, and compare it to my calendar, I can see that while no one symptom is more than marginally better, a couple of symptoms are improved enough that when combined I have been able to overall increase my activity level. 

Whereas before a “good” day meant I had about an hour to play with, a “good” day lately could include a few hours of being out of bed and might even mean tomorrow could be a “good” day, too. It’s been really, really nice, guys! 

My sister Cayla and I enjoying live music and those blissful first summer rays at a local beer garden.

Of course this isn’t without compromise. Being more immunocompromised than usual means I get extra walloped by bugs others get over pretty easily. Which is certainly saying something considering lupus does a good job of this on its own. (I hope no one else gets that awful parainfluenza virus that’s going around! It is a doozy, and today is the first day in the last ten that I am really back on my feet.) 

My “not-explained-by-lupus” diagnoses are still separate issues that I have to monitor and tend to as always, and the disease as a whole is hardly better to the extent I still do not know which days will be “good” days, but I’ll take what I can get. 

Mike & I escaped to hang with friends in St. Petersburg, FL in May-- a much needed respite after a long, dreary winter.

The new combination of therapies is not without its side effects, either, of course. One of my weekly injections makes me feel pretty darn hung over, with nausea and malaise for a solid 36 hours. The other makes me achier, dizzier, and SO much itchier that it (and the antihistamine I must take with it) is a bit debilitating for a couple of days post administration. Both shots make my symptoms—particularly the pain— worse at first, and cause pretty intense swelling, too. But once the initial side effects – and the Benadryl/hydroxyzine haze—wear off, I’m left with a body that has a slightly easier time passing as a healthier one. Hurray!

It’s funny to think how low I have set the bar, but I think most with a chronic illness have learned to adjust and temper expectations. Energy becomes a commodity, and we are constantly running through equations for cost effectiveness. Every conscious moment begs the question, “is this a good return on my investment?” as we brush our teeth, consider making a meal, decide whether or not we can see a friend. “Well” moments are prioritized. “Okay” bursts are offered first to Absolutely Have to Get Done. Remaining energy is then used on Moderately Important Needs, and if there is any juice left over (which there rarely ever is) Stuff You Can Survive Without Doing gets some love. 

Mike's littlest nephew and I at the beach.

Most of us can do a lot with very little. It’s a super power, in my opinion. At my last appointment, one of my rheumatologists was telling me how committed he is to getting me feeling better, that his failure to do so up to this point keeps him up at night. I told him I’m not asking for much; a 15% improvement would be awesome. I’ve crunched the numbers and that’s the minimum required in order to ascertain some kind of normalcy. He countered that he’d shoot for 50% (giving my Mama and her severe/not-receptive-to-medication-RA the other 50%), and that he was planning to relieve my dysautonomia symptoms before my cardiology team does— a challenge of sorts, which I found pretty amusing). 

I joke that the only thing I spend money on is medicine and plants. I'm not lying! Gardening, like baking, is good for the s-o-u-l.

I would love to see 50% improvement, but I know better than to expect it. With my current combo, maybe five symptoms are conservatively estimated as 1% better, but 5% is a decent margin as far as the chronically ill are concerned. That number means life is 5% less challenging. I’ll take it! 

Per my physicians’ suggestions I’ll increase one of the meds over the next few doses and see if I notice more relief, and maybe I’ll be able to push that percentage of improvement closer to ten. Time will tell, and my fingers are crossed as I enjoy this newly found and much enjoyed freedom.

In other exciting news, you may have noticed a new feature on this site. A couple of weeks ago I added Match, a tool that takes the tedium out of finding research trials you are eligible for recruiting near you. Today I am excited to share with you that I have partnered with Antidote to help fellow lupies connect with enrolling trials, in the hopes others can find therapies that help them feel 5, 10, 15, 50, or even 100% better, while helping our shared fight for finding a cure for lupus. 

A lupus trial near you is now enrolling.

Currently, Biogen is testing a monoclonal antibody which may control lupus symptoms and/or disease activity— including skin manifestations of the disease. If you are interested in learning more about the trial, or determining if you are eligible, click here. 

As I’ve said before and will continue to say for the rest of eternity, clinical trials aren’t for everyone. How a person goes about caring for themselves post diagnosis is entirely and 100% Their Own Business And No One Else’s. My belief is simply that the best patient and/or advocate is an informed one. I think the trickiest part is that staying up to date is no small feat, particularly when brain fog is a component of your illness, and this is precisely why I am excited to offer as many advocacy shortcuts for others in similar shoes as possible. 

If you're having skin problems related to lupus, you may qualify.

I already post about studies and research results with their respective implications. I love the idea of being some small part of furthering research, especially because it's hard to keep up with all that's going on when lupus is knockin' ya down. 

I can appreciate that others like me want to be involved in research and advocacy for a variety of reasons, but lack the access to do so because of their disease. That’s a real and often insurmountable hurtle. My hope is endeavors like this one help fold the map and make the distance between You and You Feeling A Little Better that much shorter. Because while hope may be an entity in short supply for the chronically ill, it’s important we never completely lose the ability to dream. 

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[ecotone99]

[RF] Whisters absolute no King (Part 1)

„14/B Wilbur Lane, Birmingham”, that's what the old man said with his dying breath, beneath the floor boards in the bedroom, that's where it's supposed to be.

At first we were sceptical, we thought they were all lost or destroyed none of us had ever seen one, but why would he lie, it would be a cruel prank. He called all 6 of us in his room when he knew his time had come, he told us that the reason he kept it secret was out of fear that it would destroy what we had build here. The old man didn't want to take this secret to his grave and he told us that we were now old and wise enough not to give in to its power.

The oldest of us is Isaac, he is 22, tall with short black hair and a big nose that looked like it was broken a lot, he was born before the war, but he says that he doesn't remember anything because he was just a baby. Isaac doesn't talk much he spends most of his time reading books. I never understood it what's the point of reading about something that doesn't exist anymore, the old man tried to teach us that it was important to learn from the past. I don't see the point.

Logan looks up to Isaac, which often annoys him, he is the youngest of us with about 14 years old, his parents supposedly named him after a great warrior from a book they liked, but Logan looked the opposite, he was small and skinny with thin long brown hair, more rat than warrior. He was the last one the old man found, how he survived on his own is a mystery to me.

The lanky redhead is called Dara, speaks weird, but he is wicked smart. He sometimes made juice with fermented apples, which I named funny juice. Then there are the twins, Noel and Liam, with the long black hair covering most of their face I often have can't tell them apart. They were always in trouble for playing pranks on the old man instead of working in the field. I find it weird that they are inseparable but constantly fighting, but that's just twins I guess.

Last but not least there is ... there is the incredible handsome lad that is talking to you. I'm Nathan, the leader of our group, even when Dara disagrees with that, says the smart should lead not the strong, I punched him on the shoulder, he was quiet after that.

In the afternoon we dug a grave next to Milo's, Isaac said a few words, the rest of us were quiet, the old man once told me that I shouldn't be sad when someone dies, that they are going to a better place. “Even cats ?” I asked, he gave me a hug and said that Milo is watching over me from Heaven, that he is now my Guardian Angel. The next day we tended to the fields, packed our supplies and gave Lucy and her new born piglets enough food for them to survive till our return. 3 days there and 3 days back at a good pace and if we don't encounter any acid fogs, raiders or, god forbid any scourgers.

Dara said the automatic watering system he made should hold, I hope its true or we have to starve for a few days, its a miracle that the river Themse isn't contaminated. The old man once told us that it has something to do with the ocean. We will try to follow it for as long as we can but at some point we have to rely on Isaac and his maps and I will let him lead from there on, at least in matters of direction. As we set out on our journey the twins start fighting immediately about who can carry more in their backpack, the answer is obviously me. It was a warm day and next to the river everything looked so green you could even hear crickets, which got annoying real fast. Logan tried to catch them but they were to quick for the 'warrior', I chuckled.

After a couple of hours Isaac suggested we should cross the river because there is a town up ahead on our side, smart, it would be too easy to ambush us in a town, too many hiding places. We found a shallow spot, wrapped our backpacks in our raincoats and make our way across. On the other side we dried off and had a snack break. Every now and then we would cross fields to save time and still avoid the road. As we were walking next to a corn field we heard rustling and we all had one thought : RAIDERS!

I pulled ol' Batsie from my backpack, I put some nails in her before we left for maximum damage, the twins took out their knives and Logan hid behind Isaac who had the old man's pistol, Dara as smart as he is forgot to pack a weapon, but nevertheless we were ready to strike and then It jumped out … a deer … with two heads!

We were as confused as we were relieved and we must have looked really scary because it quickly ran away. Dara said it had two heads because of the weapons they used in the war. I told him that he was stupid, why would they make weapons that give deer two heads, at least choose a scary animal like a bear or a snake, we had a big argument about it for the rest of the way until we saw the big buildings, where the river lead to, and the rusty sign that said : Oxford.

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[ecotone99]

[MF/RO] A Jacaranda Moment

That year, I was late in seeing them. By the time I pried myself away from the ugly fluorescent lights and linoleum floors of my office, half of the flowers from the jacaranda trees were already making a lavender carpet on the grass. I watched the soft early summer breeze make the flowers rain down, and resented myself for seeing them so late.

I was sitting quietly on a bench one afternoon when I felt the soft touch of a falling flower on my left hand. A few seconds later, a second one landed on the same hand, and then another. They came from all branches of the tree I was sitting under, avoiding the bench and the grass and ending their descent only on my left hand.

I was suddenly very afraid. The midday sun looked different, and the air felt eerily quiet despite the abundance of others walking around nearby. Somehow, I knew the soft lavender petals would come to mean something. And, sure enough, the last time I saw those last few flowers strewn on the ground was also the last time I saw him.

But what exactly was it about that month that changed? All I can remember about the weeks before his disappearance is his constant gaze towards the night sky, as if he were looking for something he couldn’t find. The city was too flooded with light, so I went along with him a few times to the outskirts of town, even though I got the feeling that he didn’t really want me there with him.

“What are you looking for?” I would ask.

“Just waiting,” he would reply after a long pause, never looking down.

“For what?”

Another long pause. “The right moment,” he would say, but not really to me.

I think I didn’t ask anything further because I must have already known the answer was something I couldn’t provide, or worse, something that needed me out of his way.

It continued that way through mid-summer, when the jacarandas had all fallen and left a sad blanket of mushed purple on the ground. On that last day, he didn’t explicitly say goodbye, but I knew I would never see him again. I remember the tightness of our last embrace, the way our hands squeezed together in farewell. I can’t remember the look in his eyes or what we had talked about that evening—only the deep abyss that followed.

***

The first time I saw him, I thought he looked like the universe. Maybe it was his black jeans and black jacket, but I felt a sense of infinity that was oddly comforting. It was the middle of winter, when the California sun disappeared abruptly and forced nighttime upon the city. He chuckled as I shivered in the mild cold, but I didn’t mind.

At one point, he stopped in his tracks and turned his gaze towards the sky. I followed his eyes, wondering what he could have spotted.

“What is it?” I asked.

He looked back down and turned to me, his smiling teeth a million sparkling stars.

“Nothing important.”

Then he took my hand, and we walked together into the dusk and talked about a lone ostrich running through the dry, dry desert.

***

My months in the abyss were what they were—I cannot find a single word to describe them. I did all kinds of things to distract me from his disappearance, among them teaching myself Morse code and investing in a vintage mandolin. I pretended to not know what I was avoiding, and pretended to not be pretending.

I smelled him everywhere—in public bathrooms, between the gaps of my keyboard, in the warmth of my bed.

During my time in the abyss, I wished the spring and a fresh bloom of jacarandas would come around so I could stomp on them as punishment for their betrayal. A wave of regret would immediately wash over me after the thought, and in my head I would recite a small poem of apology to the flowers of the world. Deep down I would kick shins and throw calculators, and then the same wave would pull me back into the sea of sorry.

***

One particular day comes to mind. I was sitting in a café sipping on a decaf with mint, writing funny letters to my friends in Binary with a stream of salty tears spilling from my eyes. I wasn’t particularly thinking about him—it was a phenomenon of the abyss that I’d become fairly used to.

An old woman took the seat next to me and pushed her glasses up her nose. I had never seen this woman, but her clear, youthful voice put me at ease. “In our childhoods, we experience a certain dream that stays with us for the rest of time. Is that not so?”

I nodded, wiping my face with my sleeve. “Yes,” I began without thinking twice. “A higher being spoke to me in a dream once. It said ‘When it’s unsafe, go to the bathroom.’ I didn’t understand this as a kid, but I think I’m starting to now.”

She gave a single nod in affirmation, as if she'd been expecting this answer. “Then go.”

With no hesitation, I left my belongings on the table and headed to the bathroom. Inside, the dark navy blue walls clashed with the café's trendy minimalism. I can only describe the bathroom's theme as interstellar, with oil paintings of exoplanets and dwarfs hanging from the walls. The tiles on the floor came together to form a mosaic of the Earth. It was actually quite nice.

His scent was overwhelmingly present. I couldn’t bear it. I turned and tried to open the door, but it was locked. A slight panic began to brew, and I jiggled the doorknob a few more times in vain.

The old woman spoke from the other side of the door. Her voice was muffled, but I could still make out what she was saying. "It's time you came to terms with it.”

I continued yanking on the doorknob. “Came to terms with what, exactly?" I demanded, pounding my fist against the door.

"You know very well what it is."

I quit my attempts at escaping and rested my forehead against the very filthy door, groaning the way teenagers do. There was only one reason why this strange little woman would be here. “Is this where I learn whatever it is I’m supposed to learn?”

“Partly. The learning is not finite,” she answered sternly.

I felt I should have expected such a reply. I stood in silence for a few moments, admiring a painting of Kepler-440b on the wall next to me. Whoever painted it had done a spectacular job. I appreciated the lack of metaphors and such in the piece. It was simply Kepler-440b.

“What about the jacarandas?” I asked with some urgency, suddenly remembering.

“What about them?”

“They’re going to come again, and I don’t want to see them.”

The woman gave an exasperated sigh. “They will indeed. So what if you don’t want to see them? They’re going to come regardless. And they’re going to be as lovely as usual.”

“But seeing them will make me remember, and I don’t want to remember. It’s just—it’s just I wish I were a fish! I wish I didn’t know anything,” I yelled

“You are not a fish, and you wouldn’t make a very good one, either.” For some reason, I found that very insulting.

On the cafe’s speakers, his song came on. A heavy iron block grew in the pit of my stomach, and I looked up at the mirror to glare at my reflection. Why had it come to this? Why was the night sky more important? Maybe if I had been more beautiful, more interesting than the heliosphere, I could have prevented it. I could have tried harder to look like Mars, or I could have talked about nuclear secrets instead of the meaning of 11:11 and my fear of the word “hoax.” It was all my fault.

“It wasn’t your fault. I checked. It was no one's fault,” the old woman recited from behind the door.

“Can you please just turn the song off?” I asked weakly.

“Why would I do such a thing? It’d be rude of me to ask that of the staff.”

“I just want to forget.”

“You can’t. This is a part of you now. You will never be who you were before.”

“Can you not say that?” “What?”

“Never.”

“Why not?”

“It scares me.” “Does it? You will never, never, never see again what you're hoping to see. It is impossible.”

I kicked the door, not caring if it disrupted the indie vibe of the café. “You old bat! You nosy old bat! Who the hell are you anyway?”

A click came from the door. “That’s not important right now. Enough of this nonsense, and come on out. I’ll buy you a scone.”

Red-faced and puffy-eyed, I meekly pulled the door open and was relieved that no one was waiting for the bathroom. The woman looked at me through her glasses as if she expected me to say something.

“I just want to go to the City one last time,” I admitted sheepishly.

“I see. I’m sorry to tell you that there is no such place.”

“What do you mean?”

She rolled her eyes and took out her phone. “See for yourself.”

I opened the map application, and saw only a patch of unmarked mountainous terrain where the City would have been.

“What happened to it?”

She shrugged and took her phone back. “Hard to say. Sometimes things just stop existing, and there is nothing to be done.”

***

I know now that maybe we all need a moment like this to acknowledge the gift we have among the background of nothingness. The gift of moments, of remembering, of up and down and yes and no and why and when and what now, and everything that comes with it.

And despite the darkness and the nausea and the ever growing Question of Why and the crushed petals, I would have done anything for another one.

For another jacaranda moment.

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[ecotone99]

[RF] Online

​

“I’d never think such a thing could move me, even after all these years, some people living their lives in one harmonious mass in the realms of the internet. I could never experience anything like that again, not for all the currency, credits, nor real life cash in the world, this isn’t story about saving the world, nor is it about being stuck in a video game with no way out. This is what I felt.”

​

“Imagine you are 30 feet behind twisted metal and crumbled concrete, your mohawked bastard of a friend is rocketing grenades while your dreadlocked companion unloaded 30 rounds of sulfuric plasma bullets through a husked swarm of tendrils and flesh tissues, and there you are, in the middle of raw and uncut chaos, aliens are dying, and the people are killing, for once in your life, some white kid in the middle of western suburbia had a shot, whoops, there goes the city block, some dumbass just unlocked the hydrogen bomb the size of a baseball, they call it the bench cleaner, you just shrug it off. For you have a chance of a chance to meet a new person in life, someone who will change your perspective on the realm of this universal construct of a simulation we call life, you pray, unloading the brass casings from some conglomerate of hardware parts and some dull knives, you haven’t been playing long, and it reflects that, your friends don't care, they just want someone new to play with, even if you did buy the game later."

​

"You wake up, slog through school and each passing algebra and calculus test, every science essay, every film critique, you just want to relax, you want to pull your hair out, sometimes numbers don't add up and things don't make sense grammatically, but in the end, what strives you is to get home, and play. You hear the final buzzer, and run, drive, or bus home, it doesn't matter, what matters is that you made it home, just in time for the event, you throw on that bundled headset and you open up your friends list, they are on, just like they said. They invite you to a party, and you are intimidated at all things linguistic. "Run a 45-78 code strat here, and set up shield detonators here." you sit in silence, you are in awe of these words, these strategies, but you push on and slowly get broken into the world and its offerings, you can barter with a space pirate, seduce a alien badass. The world was an intricate place, but as a drop in the ocean, you felt overwhelmed, things didn't make any sane lick of clear common sense, but thank god your buddies were there, they held your hand, help you get that XP, and get newer weapons, you take a screenshot, something quick, and something uneventful, maybe a wrong press on the controller, nevermind, it's there."

​

"Rinse and Repeat, school is a bore, and video games are done after chores, you quickly shove things around your room to play with your buddies, something hasn't clicked like this in years, like a warm and fuzzy feeling. You continue playing this game with them, taking hilarious screenshots, and playing custom created maps made with an insane level of detail. You make even more friends, and you see this tiny little world for what it is, you continue killing alien rebels on the surface of Titan, no this isn't some AAA title conceived in a time frame, this is art, a world you can be immersed in, people from all around the world, share one common goal, to help and to protect, people traded goods, and people just helped out, some had devil horns and flannel shirts, some had cyclist helmets and obscenely revealing suits, you were a drop in this ocean, but something keeps drawing you back, something that hasn't been felt in years."

​

"School is done, you have a piece of paper that legally allows you to pursue a career, you decide to play one more time, you sit down, check your friends list, no one is on, no Demonis246, no XxGerardionxX, no Drellax, nobody, you feel isolated, you feel alone, something warm is cooling down, something dreadful, you frantically check online, what was once a huge ocean, was now a lake, people dwindled, and the aliens got easier, almost like the game got, boring, whatever you persist, waiting for that beep but it never does. You shrug and accept that they aren't coming back, and so are you."

​

"Skip 10 years, you have a career, and things are shaping up to be the year, big investments, big payouts, something feels off, like you grew up too fast, like someone handed you a briefcase and said "Welcome to the big boys" when in reality, it feels like you had dull knives, and everyone elses were sharper. You get home, anyway how, you sludge past the lit TV, your significant other cheerily exclaiming there is mac and cheese on the stove, homemade with 4 cheeses, you weakly offer to eat a bowl, but deep down something is killing you, no it's not cancer, nor is it life threatening, something warm, and fuzzy, like something you used to cheerfully do. You slump and tear up a bit, how is life tormenting you like this? How can life taunt you with a feeling you have experienced but don't know the name to? You begins to cry a bit, and excuse yourself to the bedroom, and you see a relic of the past, a poster, labeled "Space Tormentors 3: Titan's revenge" and it hits you, the memories flood your cerebral areas responsible for emotions and you, just, stop. You shrug it off, and slouch near the computer, and next to it, a dusty unplugged console with college stickers and a photo of your wedding, you shrug and plug it in."

​

"The sounds of a ravaged space scape haunt you, you feel helpless, you feel overwhelmed, like a whole new piece of life was just formed together out of matter. You flood the streets, emptier than before, the once ravenous space world full of alien hotties and human feats of violence, are gone, from the echoes you hear someone."

​

"Welcome to Ember City!" you reel back, the NPC's are still here, in a world waiting for their customers to return, a world uninhabited since you could last remember, you check your pictures, and immediately begin to feel, warm. Snaps of you creating weapon strats with the words 100% legit and no fail as tags, pictures of friends long since gone, and for once in your life, you feel disconnected from reality, the memories of all a past life, now gone, funny pictures of unlikely poses, and cool alien deaths with REKT in the title, you finish with one last picture, a group picture, everyone you used to see everyday after school, after sloppily doing your chores, talking which milkshake is better or what state you all live in, of course you didn't want to say where you lived, but they were from all corners of life, Santa Monica, Denver, Salt Lake, New York, Tokyo, Wales, Sicily, Moscow, all around the world, all localized within a 480p by 720p pixelated picture, but out of all of them, you seemed the most out of place, like where did you come from, how did you meet them, how did they accept you, and of course, you never know, but the feeling is gone, and the warm and fuzzy feeling, is nothing, you cant cry, nor shout, you sit in a dazed stupor, at all the times you thought you wasted, all the times grenades were thrown, all the weapon strategies that never lived up to their expectations, and most of all, the times you experienced the best nights of your life. You finally decide on what emotion to convey, tears start flowing, and you cant stop it, this is after all only 20 years, how could so much have so little impact on you, well, you grew up, and so did they."

​

“I’d never think such a thing could move me, even after all these years, some people living their lives in one harmonious mass in the realms of games, I could never experience anything like that again, not for all the credits in the world, this is never going to change what you felt, you shrug it off and proceed to eat that cold mac and cheese, it's been 5 hours and no one has responded, but you feel one day showing their families, or maybe a friend, or doing the same thing like you, that they will see it, and forever be grateful for being in their lives."

​

last signed on: yesterday

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